#hopefully we didn't mention anyone who is taken

[itszceydeutch]

top 5 people here you'd like to go out on a date with?

well... i will start with my soulmate because i will never be his type yet no one loves me like he does @bnplatt .

with that out of the way i will name a few guys i consider good looking, if they are taken please forgive me but i’ve been out of it, i swear i’m no homewrecker....

1. @jakobelordi

2. @alexwclff

3. @lilhemmy 

4. @nickjjonasx

5. @fmjames

[suzukiblu]

Day nineteen of fic NaNoWriMo, obligatory sugar daddy Tim/sugar baby Kon AU.

. . . huh, Tim thinks as he watches Kon rub his thumb over the goat's soft and fluffy fur, suddenly reminded of the cashmere. Okay, maybe his hypothesis about Kon's possible appreciation for nice textures is actually a thing, then. Noted and taken into evidence. 

“It's . . . cute,” Kon says, ducking his head a little and still slowly rubbing his thumb back and forth across the goat's fur as he looks down at it again, his face still all red. Tim makes a mental note about maximizing the amount of nice textures in Kon's life. He is gonna buy him sheets with a very high thread count, just to start. “Um–thanks, man.” 

“You're welcome,” Tim says as he has the incredibly weird thought that Kon has probably never actually owned an actual toy before. Like, maybe video games and things like that? He’s pretty sure he's heard Kon mention a few video games he likes before, now that he's thinking about it, but in retrospect he doesn't know if he even owns a console of his own or just played them with someone else at some point or . . . who knows, really? 

Like, Tim didn't decide to buy him a toy because of that, obviously, he really was just thinking of the idea as a cute little hopefully-the-right-kind-of-flirty reminder of how they “met”, but . . . 

It's a weird thought, is all.

. . . also, additional mental note, he should make sure to buy Kon a console if he doesn't already have one. And maybe a handheld system too, and obviously whatever games he wants for both. Maybe a couple spare controllers in case he wants to have anyone over, Tim has no idea, but better safe than sorry. 

“Let’s pay,” he says, redistributing the shopping bags between both hands again and then nodding towards the register. “Do you like video games?” 

“Sure,” Kon says, glancing sidelong at him again as they head for the counter. He’s doing that a lot, it feels like, though Tim isn’t sure why yet. Just intel to absorb, for right now. “Who doesn’t like video games?” 

“Do you have any?” Tim asks, and Kon looks–embarrassed, almost? Weirdly? 

“I can’t exactly have you over to play, man. No offense, it’s like a security clearance thing with the lab,” he says, which is not where Tim was going with that at all and is sort of . . . flustering, actually. Like, to hear, he means. He’s trying to buy things for Kon, not invite himself over to, like . . . pester him for attention or whatever. 

“Yeah, you'd be kind of hard to explain to my dad,” he agrees, putting on a wry expression. Kon's mouth tightens for a second, for some reason, and then he smiles awkwardly in his direction, not quite meeting his eyes. Tim represses a frown, wondering what that’s about. 

“Usually am, yeah,” Kon says. 

“Well, once we get you a place of your own, that’ll solve that problem,” Tim says reasonably as they wait in line together, though obviously he doesn’t really expect Kon to have him over or–

“You’d actually wanna come over if I had my own place?” Kon asks hesitantly. “Like–to hang out or whatever?” 

. . . Tim wonders who exactly ground all of Kon’s usually-boundless confidence into the dirt, because he’d just like to have a word with them. Or shove a doomsday weapon up their ass; whichever’s more convenient at the time. Considering how Kon usually acts, Tim doesn’t even want to think about how shitty someone had to be to get a reaction like that out of him. 

“I would,” he says. “We could order in and play something, maybe.” 

“I don’t actually have a console or anything. Shit, I don’t even have a TV,” Kon admits. “Which is not a request, for the record, just a statement.” 

“Okay,” Tim says, which as a response is something he’s just gonna let Kon interpret however he likes. He could just have a TV and console delivered to Cadmus for him, probably. Although he doesn’t actually know how big Kon’s room is, so in retrospect maybe that’ll be something to buy once they get to the stage where Kon’s picking out furniture for his new apartment/house/cul-de-sac. Easier to size and scale correctly that way, Tim figures. 

God, how big is Kon’s room? Is it just a room? Like a dorm or something? Is it at least actual normal bedroom-sized? 

. . . he really, really hopes it’s not a barracks situation. 

“I mean it,” Kon says as Tim pays for the goat and they leave the store. “Like, this was really cool of you, but you’ve definitely done enough. I didn’t do anything that special, you know?” 

“I feel like I’m the one who gets to value your effort in saving my life,” Tim says. “Like, monetarily and all. As a whole fiscal thing.” 

“It really wasn’t a big deal, though,” Kon insists. “Like, I didn’t risk my neck or anything. It wasn't even hard.” 

“You put in the time to learn how to do that with your TTK to begin with, even from halfway across the gallery floor,” Tim says. “Just because it was easy to do then doesn’t mean it was easy to learn to begin with. I think it’s really impressive that you even figured out you could do that to begin with.” 

“I mean–well, yeah, I guess,” Kon says, ducking his head as his face flushes again. “I just . . . like, it took a while to figure out how to do it right, definitely. So I wouldn’t say impressive.” 

“If you’re trying to be modest, maybe don’t lead with ‘I worked really hard on improving myself and it worked really well’,” Tim says, flashing him a wry little smile. Kon turns even redder, then grins sheepishly at him. 

“Look, TTK is badass, but it’s way less impressive than punching a giant asteroid into gravel,” he says. “Or superspeeding through all the bad guys in a microsecond.” 

“Why?” Tim asks, tilting his head. “Lots of people can punch an asteroid in half. You could break it down into its component parts and also make sure none of said parts escaped into the atmosphere or crashed any satellites. And you don’t need superspeed when you can keep the bad guys from even moving to begin with, right?” 

“Huh?” Kon says, looking–startled, a little. Tim’s been doing his research, but also just thinking–plus he's pretty sure that talking up TTK as a power is just about the best possible way to get Kon to be into Tim Drake for as long as possible, so . . . 

��I’m just saying, you seem really versatile. Like, you’re obviously not just a bruiser,” he says reasonably, though the more time he's spent trying to think about TTK lately, the more aware he's become that Kon tries very hard to be one whenever possible. Like–much more often than he actually should, in fact. “Your powers are really flexible, from what I’ve noticed. You can be a scalpel and a hammer. Possibly simultaneously, depending on your multitasking skills, I don’t really know how that works.” 

“Oh,” Kon says, the startled expression turning flustered even as he grins a little helplessly and ducks his head, twisting the handles of the shopping bag the clerk put the goat in around his fingers. “Uh, I mean, it depends, but . . . kinda, I guess.” 

Okay, well–he looks a little less boisterous and smug than Tim would've expected him to get over direct compliments to his TTK, honestly, but he does still seem flattered. Tim had just been prepared for annoying bragging and overblown pride as a reaction, not that helpless little grin Kon's currently trying to hide. So that's . . . weird, yeah. Huh. 

“Well, I think it's impressive,” he informs him with an easy shrug, and watches maybe a little bit too curiously as Kon's grin widens and he ducks his head lower. He looks so–not proud or arrogant, still, but pleased. 

It's definitely weird. 

Tim can't pretend there isn't an equally weird part of him that thinks it's cute, though. It's a little strange being the one hyping up the exact same superpower Kon's usually incapable of shutting up about while he tries to downplay it, but he guesses it's not that different from being the one carrying most of the bags right now. Just a little bit of a temporary role reversal while Kon's wearing a soft cashmere sweater instead of his usual heavy leather jacket and Tim's not wearing a mask. 

Well–at least not a domino, anyway. It gets a little more complicated going with the metaphorical definition, obviously. 

“I'm still buying you lunch whatever you say,” he says. “And a bigger wardrobe. You can't always show up in your superhero gear, somebody's gonna notice you eventually.” 

“Geez, man, how many times are you planning to see me in civvies?” Kon says, and if his accompanying laugh didn't sound a little forced, Tim would assume Kon was saying he was going to be bored of him before that was a concern. That laugh makes it sound more like Kon thinks it’s likelier that Tim is going to get bored of him, though. 

No, Tim is pretty sure that's wishful thinking on his part. It's too tempting to attribute evidence like that to mean something he'd like it to mean, is all. 

“I don't know,” he says, giving Kon a smile. “How many times are you planning to let me?” 

Kon stares at him for a moment, turns red, and then laughs self-consciously and looks away. 

His flirting standards are still extremely low, yeah. Thank god, because Tim absolutely sucks at this.

[torukmaktoskxawng]

Could you do a fic where the water boys, (aonoung and roxto) save a sully!reader kid from one of the poisonous things? Like she's exploring similar to how Kiri does in the water and is about to touch a poisonous one and they grab her away?? Just a comfort teaching fic about the metkayina wildlife

Love your fics btw <3

(Gif not mine)

Pairing: Ao'nung/Female!Sully!Reader/Rotxo (Platonic)

Warnings: none

Taglist: @alinacecee @mooniequeen

A/N: Another short but hopefully sweet request <3 Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~

Tsireya had looked around the moment Rotxo mentioned Kiri was missing, only to find another girl was missing other than Tuk, "Has anyone seen Y/n?"

"Not another one," Ao'nung rolled his eyes, "How many of you Forest People tend to wander?"

Lo'ak's eyes narrow as they land on the reef boy, "Shut up, bro."

"We can split up and look for them," Neteyam quickly takes charge, likely to break whatever tension was straining between his brother and the chief's son. 

Tsireya liked the idea and offered to take Tuk with her while Neteyam took Lo'ak. As the group of children split up, Rotxo urges Ao'nung to follow him and together the two friends take a deep breath and dive down toward the reef below, looking around for the missing Sully sisters.

It took some time, but they stumbled across you first, the teenaged forest girl aimlessly swimming around the reef, admiring the various different fish and colors without a care in the world, unaware of the reef Na'vi who have taken notice of you. Rotxo and Ao'nung swam leisurely toward you, watching as you inched close to one particular coral, with long, purple soft-looking arms that gently floated with the current, and at the center bore tiny, acid-colored tentacles. You appeared entranced by the peculiar coral and reached an arm out to it. Only then did the reef boys pick up their speed in their panic.  

Rotxo makes a deep grunting sound in the back of his throat, twice, to get your attention. When you didn't hear, Ao'nung speeds forward as quickly as possible, swimming as fast as he could. The moment he was in reach, he reached out and roughly grabbed your arm, pulling you away from the coral and startling you. 

Whipping your head around at your assailant, alarmed until you realized who was holding onto your arm, then you glared at Ao'nung and pulled away. Your eyes wander until they find Rotxo, who then uses his hands and arms to try and communicate one simple word to you. Ao'nung only rolls his eyes when you tilt your head in confusion, closely watching Rotxo sign until you respond by shrugging your shoulders and shaking your head, before pointing up to the surface.

The three of you simultaneously swim up and the moment you break the surface, Ao'nung is scowling at you, "What were you thinking, forest freak? Wandering by yourself when you clearly know nothing about our home?"

"Take it easy, Ao'nung." Rotxo defends.

Already used to Ao'nung's distaste of you and your family, you choose to ignore him and only address his kind friend, "What were you trying to say to me down there?"

"I was trying to tell you it stings."

You tilt your head in curiosity, "What stings?"

"The coral you almost touched. It is called 'fantail'. It stings."

"Oh." You take a moment to absorb the new information before deciding to be courteous and turn to Ao'nung, "Thank you for stopping me."

The chief's son doesn't expect the gratitude, eyes widening a fraction before he covers up his shock with a scoff, looking away, "Next time, I'll just let you do it. Maybe you will learn your lesson."

Ao'nung then turns and starts to swim away, back the way he and Rotxo had come looking for you. As you watch him go, Rotxo paddles up to you with an amused smirk, 

"Don't mind him. He usually gets that angry when he's scared."

"Scared?" You spin back to Rotxo, "Why was he scared?"

"Ao'nung doesn't like watching pretty girls get hurt."

Warmth spreads up the back of your neck and over your face, eyes immediately darting down to avoid the pleasant grin on the reef boy's face. Flustered, you mumble under your breath, "Or maybe Ao'nung doesn't like getting in trouble if someone gets hurt under his watch."

Rotxo laughs, but it isn't mocking or cruel. The reef boy's laugh was a soft, sweet chime that was followed by a genuine smile, "Stick around us a little more, Y/n, and you'll see what I mean. Just-- avoid the fantail from now on, okay?"

The smile you offered was shy, but a promise, nonetheless, "You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Tbh, while I was researching for this, I couldn't find any sea life that was poisonous and harmful to Na'vi lol. I checked every wiki page and my atwow visual dictionary and couldn't find anything other than the fantail coral. It has stinging tentacles for catching zooplankton, but it doesn't mention whether or not the Metkayina avoids it. So, for the sake of the story, we'll use it 🤣 But if anyone has a better flora or fauna option I could've used, let me know cause I swear I looked everywhere.

MASTERLIST

REQUESTS

[yourstingrey]

Luke X Daughter of Kymopoleia

Reader has constant mood swings which is understandable due to her heritage of being the daughter of the goddess of violent sea storms and sweet BF Luke always helps her out/calms her down and doesn’t let her feel bad about herself because of it since she can’t help it ( also please can you mention Clarisse as like a side character and readers bestfriend )

Calm After the Storm

A/N: EEEEE I was actually kinda so hype for this request cus ive never seen anything similar and its actually a cool like character I hadnt thought about in the pjo universe! I hope this is good anon i tried my very best!! This post was really helped me with kymopoleia so it might be helpful to read before this but you dont have to!

Warnings: threats of fighting someone?

Description: An annoying loss, an annoying Chris, and a very patient Luke!

The sun was shining, and a warm dancing breeze fluttering around camp on what should have been a beautiful day was being ruined by Chris droning on about being a sore winner. Gloatingly of course. We just had our capture the flag the night before and as usual, we lost. We would have been so close to winning this time Clarisse and I had it all planned. Last time we learned last time trying a seduction tactic did in fact not work so this time we decided we would target their weak which to us was Chris. Not to say he was a bad swordsman by any means but up against me and her we knew he wouldn't stand a chance. A perk of dating Luke was also he forgot that he shouldn't spill his capture the flag plans. Soooo we also knew for a fact it was Chris guarding the flag. 

We snuck through the woods with ease no one tried to hunt us down they knew we'd get to them first, Chris was practically sleeping while he sat in front of the flag entirely spaced out we moved from behind and started to grab the flag of course a single shift of my chest plate was enough to break him out of his daze and turn towards us and of course start to scream to his team like a little girl. We got caught pretty quickly. We may be strong but not take on 20 campers strong and it wasn't long after we heard the cheers of the Blue team already at the river.

So now of course, as I tried to relax Chris decided it was the perfect time to gloat at me “I mean what a stupid plan no offense” I drowned him out a little too busy clenching my jaw so I didn't practically spit venom at him, Chris continued now laughing as he continued “-I mean really I can't believe you thought I couldn't take you both on bahahaha!” A real knee slapper to him. I finally unballed my fists from my sides to get into Chris’s face, backing him into a tree my voice laced with annoyed anger “We could take you on idiot! You just had to scream for your team to save you!” Chris stuttered before coming up with a weak rebuttal putting his hands up in defeat “UH- that's not even true i just had to get them so they would watch you after the fight but they got there fast pfft I could have easily taken you” I grab a hold of Chris’s shirt “Oh really let's do it now then. No crying for anyone else this time.” 

In the background, a crowd had not formed but anyone working or sitting close by paused to watch not swarming in case Chiron were to notice and break up hopefully a really funny fight (funny as all campers knew the outcome) Even Clarrise sitting back with her siblings let out a little yell of “Get his ass Y/N!” But One of those campers mainly Luke, who quickly made his way over forgetting he was supposed to help campers make friendship bracelets he had to make sure his girlfriend was okay bracelets could wait, and that she didn't shred his best friend into pieces. Jogging over he quietly grabbed his girlfriend's hand that was gripping onto Chris. I let out a quiet breath before meeting his eyes, in an instant looking into his soft gaze I dropped my hand not before I quickly gave him one last dirty look and stepped back “C’mon let’s go” Luke said as he grabbed my hand leading me away.

He leads us to sit in front of the creek as I sit I absent mindedly throw rocks at the water watching it ripple and splash. Turning back to face Luke he already gives me a knowing look to tell him why I wanted to maim him. I took a deep breath before I word vomited it out “I mean ugh! I know he's your best friend and all but sometimes he's such a dick! Saying ‘I could take you guys’ But he literally starts screaming out ‘Luke come save me she's here!’ or or ‘Guys come back Clarisse is gonna eat me!’ as if he wouldn't even enjoy that too ugh! He's just so- so ANNOYING!” Luke's hand grabbed mine again to stop me from getting heated again, his eyes flickering back to the creek to see me subconsciously making a creek look like a raging ocean. He threw his back laughing at my rant about Chris, as he calmed down he just looked down at me rubbing slow circles onto the back of my hand. 

His hands were rough and calloused but it didn't matter because when he held onto me I could feel warmth practically spread from my fingertips to my head and toes. “I'll make sure to lock him out of the cabin, he can sleep out in the cold. How bout that hmm?” He joked, craning his neck to look at me. I cracked a small smile “Maybe I'll pray for my mom to storm a bit too…” His hand let go but just to sneak behind my waist and pull me closer leaning my head on his chest “I'm sorry I got mad at Chris I know he is your friend..” I mumbled out against him I could feel him shrug against me before looking back down at me “Nah don't be sorry honestly I should have let you at him he deserved it butttt I wouldn't want my girlfriend to have to be cleaning stables all of next week” 

He pressed a kiss to the top of my head and started to start up about what he was doing before he had to save Chris. “Wait doesn't that mean you should be helping those kids now..?” A bit of panic dawned on his face as he tugged us both up and pulled me with him as he walked (more like speed walked) “Actually uh were both going to help now!” I laughed as he tugged me along with him..

[lavenderslabyrinth]

A Sacrificial Game 2

King!Dragon x Reader

Masterlist

p.t 1

pt. 3

Welcome to part two! I'm a very slow writer so you may notice that I posted these parts somewhat consecutively. That's bc I wrote part one last year;;; I know, I know, but I got a new keyboard and I'm obsessed with the way it feels so hopefully it will get me back into writing again! Does anyone even read these...? Gah whatever. Enjoy!

CW: ♢ Abduction ♢ Blood/Injury ♢ Mention of Forced Stripping (Brief, not done by love interest) ♢

The next time your eyes opened back up to the dreary world, a groan was involuntarily passing through your lips. Pain. Fuck. Every breath felt like you were splitting open, and as a result, moving was not a very appealing option. Your ribs, whether fractured or broken, you didn't know. But, oh, it was undeniable something was wrong.

The pain had you sweating despite the night's air being blisteringly cold-- colder than it should have been for this time of year, and the more you got your bearings, the more you were able to process what was around you.

A single, dingy lantern hung from the wooden ceiling above you. It swung wildly with every bump and jostle, the flame within it threatening to flicker out each time. The room you were in was moving, no, no room, you were in a carriage. You tried to push through the pain to get yourself up but found your movements restrained-- expensive looking silk ropes curling around your body and a simple white gown you hadn't been wearing before was now draped over your figure. Though pretty, and far more expensive than anything you'd ever owned before, it did little to ease the painful shivers that wracked through you.

You'd been washed, groomed, and redressed with care, but hot rage filled your chest nonetheless. You'd had little to nothing to your own name-- living still with your family and no claim to a spouse, child, or land.

They've stripped you of those things. Taken away your chance at a normal life, and now, too, they've taken your dignity.

A particularly rough bump in the road sent your body up and off the ground for just a moment before slamming you back into the rough wood of the floor. By the Damned... The pain left you winded as a stabbing sensation shot through your entire body.

"Are you alright?" A meek voice spoke up from above you. There, on one of the benches, a meek priest looked down at you with sad eyes full of pity. Was he also Chosen? Were you both about to meet your end? No... His hands were not bound behind his back as yours were-- instead, they freely laid folded in his lap.

Your gaze hardened and, seemingly unable to stand it, he looked away in shame. “Why are you doing this?” You asked coldly--you knew... but hope was still pushing back the dread that was steadily gathering in your gut. He didn’t answer at first, instead he simply shrunk into himself more, as if somehow he would be able to curl around himself and hide away from your accusatory eyes. “Where are we going?”

It took time for him to give you an answer. Time you, whether willingly or not, gave. The air thick with the silence between you two, only broken periodically by the groan of wheels or the creaking of the lantern above, but with your stubborn, uninterrupted glaring, he broke.

"The border that separates man from beast... you've been Chosen."

Bastards. Those bastards! What were the chances?! Did they even actually draw?!

It kind of dawned on you that... they may not have. You questioned authority often, butting heads against those who supported this horrific tradition-- many of the higher officials found your outspoken presence to be a nuisance, and with their own unmarried children to look out for..... Was it really that far of a stretch to say you'd been sacrificed in more ways than one?

"...Let me go." You demanded, and when you were met with resistance, your rage bubbled over. "Let me go this instant! Now!" Shouting hurt, but the fear and adrenaline eased your pain into fuel for your rage.

“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Harder than it has t- was he fucking kidding?

“You cruel bastard! Damn you and damn that Temple as well!”

As though the carriage had also had enough of your behavior, the jostling movement stopped. With an eerie croak, the doors swung open to reveal the drenched silhouette of gruff looking man in temple garb. If it would have been a stranger you saw, it would still have been equally terrifying, but perhaps it would have hurt a bit less.

You immediately recognized the man as Father Kyron, and a cold weight settled in your gut. The Father had watched you grow and mature since before you could walk-- often taking the time out of his day to play ball or sneak treats to the other children after services had ended. He'd always been such a warm pillar of the community, someone everyone could feel safe with. But those kind eyes that had always looked on at you before were now completely vacant of that gentle affection.

A monster was all that was left.

The rain pelted down on his leather-clad shoulders, cold droplets splattering onto you from the force of their impact. Whether or not he was a holy man of the temple, he looked nothing short of a demon in this moment.

Your screams went ignored as you fought not to be dragged out by your hair; body being dumped unceremoniously into the ground's painful embrace.

Kyron didn't spare you another glance as he once more took ahold of the reins. The priest did the same, shutting the wooden doors with a slam, snuffing out the little light the lantern within had to offer you.

The raging tides of emotions slowly simmered away as the carriage finally moved out of view, and now, instead of anger, hopelessness began to ease it's way into your veins. What could you do? You'd been abandoned. Left to lie in the dirt with only the echoing throbs in your side to keep you company.

Your screams turned to wails, then to sobs, and then to silence. And for a few moments you sat there, unable to process the shock of it all.

There's a funny thing about shock that no one tells you about. When there are plenty of important things for your mind to race through-- whether that be the betrayal of a beloved mentor figure, what would happen to your family, if your father was alright, who would tell Alikar... your mind often defaults to something insignificant; something harmless. And all you could think about were those damn peaches that had been laid together so carefully in your mother's wicker basket by Alikar's careful hand.

Had they all been trampled into the ground? Or would your family be able to salvage the last things you touched into something good and safe and warm for themselves...

Your eyes fixated on watching the way the rain thinned your blood and how it trailed down your skin to mix with the mud beneath you. The colors sickeningly seeped into the once pure white satin of your dress like the branching of a tree. The fabric feeling like it took root to your skin as it clung uncomfortably to your figure. It was a suffocating feeling and, surprisingly, was enough to bring a grimace to your face and give your mind enough clarity to realize footsteps were fast approaching where you sat.

"Here! Over here!"

"Damn it all, I knew I heard something!"

"Get the towels, the poor things soaked!"

Unknown voices made their approach accompanied by the warm, softened glow of lantern light. Though vaguely, you could make out the figures of a small group of armor-clad individuals.

Perhaps it was a bit of a cliche. The knights in shining armor coming to the maiden in distress-- but you could afford little to focus on the irony of it all. All you knew was that whomever held that lantern would be a fate far kinder than hungry animals or a slow fall to the elements.

Saved.

You were saved.

"H-Help me" Was all you could muster, the relief allowing exhaustion and weakness to finally take root in your body. Lead weights settling in your limbs and a quiver in your voice.

The closer they came, the clearer you could see them. They were guards, no doubt patrolmen assigned to protect the border, but very obviously not those of the human kingdom.

Otherfolk

Primarily shifters from what you could tell because, despite their mostly human appearances, their natural, beastly features still shown through. Large rabbit ears, a long flowing tail, wings stuck to their backs, or faces that just weren't quite arranged in the typical human fashion.

To some it would have an been off putting sight, but frankly after all the interaction you'd had with humans for the day... an inhuman face was a welcome sight.

"We've got ya, we're here to help, don't be scared." The rabbit shifter cooed, her gentle paw-like hands cupping your face sweetly as the bat's nimble fingers worked away at your bindings.

Her palms were soft and warm, the sleeves of her tunic smelling like the herbs and incense your mother often used at home. Your eyes closed as you couldn't help but lean into her comforting touch. For a moment, just a moment, the thumb swiping away your tears was not that of a stranger, but your mother. And for a moment... just a moment. You weren't shivering in the cold rain of an unknown land, but instead simply sat at the kitchen table at home waiting for peach pie on your birthday...

---

---

---

Ah. Was this death? If it was... it was peaceful. Never before had the space around you felt so soft and warm, and, faintly, there was the gentle scent of citrus in the air.... but was death supposed to be this painful?

Inhaling deeply, you winced, eyes cracking open as you moved blearily to try and sit up only to experience probably one of the most excruciating pains you'd ever felt.

"Easy! Oh, easy, my lady!" A familiar voice fretted, those same gentle hands from before supporting your weight with surprising strength against your shoulders. Carefully, she eased you back in place. "Lie down, the doctor gave strict orders for you to rest as much as possible until the healer can arrive. They aren't broken, but whomever you put up a fight against did one hell of a job on your ribs."

Your gaze fixated on the rabbit as she began to visually check you over once more with her large, rounded black eyes. She wasn't very tall, a bit below average at most, and held a very lithe figure. But despite that, she was donned with heavy, metal plated armor kept a sword neatly sheathed at her hip.

"Who.. are you?" You cringed as your voice was much rougher than expected, but who could blame you? After a night of screaming into the cold like your life depended on it, because it most certainly had, anyone's voice would have been a bit spent.

Without missing a beat, the rabbit shifter handed you a warm glass of water, which you greedily gulped down as she spoke.

"My name is Eve. I am a member of the king's guard here at the palace. I've been assigned as your personal guard, my lady." She bowed at the waist with a practiced precision, her fluffy ears tilting back so as to not land in your lap. "May I know the name of the lady I serve?"

"Hey, pause. Palace?" You full-stopped your assault on the glass of water and took your first good look at your surroundings. Sure enough, it was far from your typical healers hut or hostel.

The sheer size of the bed alone was the first thing you noticed. It was definitely made for something, or rather someone, that was far larger than you as the length of it easily extended another three or four feet past where your own legs ended. The tall, expertly carved banisters loomed over your head, supporting a canopy of heavy silks that seemed to trickle to the floor like water.

And the room

What a room it was. It was as massive as the bed with pristine, marble cut floors and high arching windows. Beautifully intricate moldings were placed all around, masterfully crafted to perfectly mirror one another. It was a chamber fit for a lady, no, a princess-- both of which you were not.

"I... don't think I'm supposed to be here." You murmured, eyes still trailing over the details of the walls that practically dripped with luxury.

Eve's ears tilted back once more, this time nervously as her tiny mouth curved into a frown. "Is the room not to your liking, my lady? I can ask to have you moved to something bigger--"

"No! Goodness no! This is more than enough! Too much, actually." You stumbled over yourself in your haste to not be fussed over to such a grand extent, which made Eve's expression falter from one of concern to confusion. "I'm not a noble," you clarified. "My name is (y/n), just (y/n)." Back home, impersonating a noble was enough to lose a limb if you were lucky-- your head if you weren't. Hopefully, if you cleared up the confusion quick enough, whoever misunderstood and brought you here would be more lenient with their anger.

"How could I dare call the future queen by her name?"

"......Pardon?" Surely you hadn't heard that right. "The what?" Was it.. the shock? Yes, the shock. It must have not worn off yet, that was all.

"The future Queen. I'm afraid it isn't my place to elaborate any further, lady (y/n), but I assure you once his Highness' meeting finishes up he will be here to speak with you himself."

So it wasn't the shock... and the king of beasts himself would be coming here, to you, like.. this?

You didn't need a mirror to know you were ill prepared to be meeting royalty. Your hair and skin still felt dirty and strange from your previous night's rather rough introduction to the ground, and your clothes... well, perhaps more accurately described as the lack thereof...

You felt your cheeks heat in a bit of embarrassment as you gently lifted the warm blankets to peer below. You still wore the underwear you'd had on before, identifiable by the stains of blood and dirt which had settled permanently in the crevices of the fabric, but what covered the rest of your torso and legs were bandages and dressings. Your cuts and bruises had been treated, rather professionally at that if the skill and quality of the supplies had anything to say about it.

But still, it was far from a dignified look.

As if reading your mind, your rabbit knight chimed in once more. "Don't worry, my lady, his Highness is an understanding and gentle ruler. He won't judge you for something like being wounded."

While it was sweet Eve was attempting to comfort you, you were less worried about appearing weak and more focused on the fact you were damn near naked-- though that was probably an idea that mattered a lot less to someone completely covered in fur... You didn't have the heart to tell her that though. Not when she was so eager to please and had that hopeful look in her eyes.

Not that you would have had the chance to anyway as, without so much as a knock, the two heavy doors to the room swung open.

Your hands moved in a flurry to gather the thick comforter up over your chest, your startled eyes locking with another's, and for a moment, the both of you paused.

He was tall, taller than any man you'd ever known, with shoulders just as broad that laid draped in a dark-stained cloak. It was still wet with rain and what you could guess was blood based off the thicker, red pigment that dripped from the bottom hem. Heavy, leathery wings sat poised behind him like two elegant, massive shields as his spear-like tail swung languidly between them. It was evident why everything here was the size it was now. He was massive. He was imposing. And he was horrifically attractive in a way no boy from your village could ever hope to compare.

He didn't need the crown or fine clothing to be identified. You could feel the authority he held in the air the moment he entered the room, and immediately upon seeing him, you understood the stories of your kingdom's best soldiers turning tail the second his taloned foot stepped onto the battle field.

Dipping your head as best you could, you quickly averted your flustered gaze and blushing face. "I greet the King of Beasts."

You'd expected a plethora of reactions. A gentle acceptance of your greeting, a roar of anger as to why someone as lowly as you laid within his palace, or even silence as he ignored you completely

What you hadn't expected was laughter. It was a deep rumble that could have shaken the cores of mountains if he'd leaned close enough.

"Is that what they call me nowadays? 'King of Beasts?' Of all things... you humans and your silly imaginations never fail to entertain."

You only felt your cheeks darken in humiliation as you lifted your head to stare at him with complete bafflement. Was that the wrong thing to say? Instead of answering your wordless query, he instead pulled up one of the oversized chairs to your beside.

"Eve," he called to your rabbit companion with a far calmer and level tone. "You're dismissed." Your guard, whom you'd momentarily forgotten in the chaos of it all, quickly scampered out and very suddenly it was just you and him left alone in the room together.

"Forgive my intrusion, this won't take long." His tone didn't flow like an apology, but more like an order or expectation that you would forgive him. It left a sour taste in your mouth and evidently an equally sour look on your face.

His eyes narrowed.

"Unless there's something you'd care to object?"

For a moment, a primal instinct surged in your gut beneath his gaze: Fear. He was the descendant of a long lived, powerful bloodline known for having the power to snuff out thousands of lives like yours. You were comparable to a meager speck of dust in his eyes, surely-- but an emotion that overtook your momentary fear was... anger.

No, it was rage. To be ripped from your home, stripped of your dignity-- your identity, thrown to the wolves, all to be mocked and disrespected and then be told to forgive them? Forgive him?

How far must you bow your head in order to save it? How much more humiliation did you have to endure for the sake some man deeming you worthy of survival?

Men in power had stripped enough away from you today, you'd be damned if you allowed this one to make you watch the last shred of self respect you had trickle through your fingers.

"I do actually. Quite a few actually."

The beast's narrowed eyes didn't ease, but he made no move to stop you.

"Well? Go on."

You took a breath, steeling the nerves that were pleading with you not to go through with what you were about to do. It was far too late to back down now. Instead, you hold his gaze.

"You laughed at my greeting, yet failed to introduce yourself. You came in without so much of a knock, not having a shred of thought towards my decency. You sent away the only person I knew, leaving yourself, a man, alone in a room with me, a woman, which shows you also have no concern for my dignity. Not to mention you're absolutely filthy covered in... who knows what. And to top it all off you don't ask me for forgive you but tell me to." You begin to falter, slowing your ramble as his slitted pupils begin to round out. "I think you're rude, and inconsiderate and..."

"And?" He urged, leaning forward a bit which only had you pressing further back into the plush pillows that had propped you up.

"And scary."

"Scary?"

At that, the towering dragon leaned back, the sturdy wood of the chair beneath him creaking with the shift in weight. "You look me in the eye, tell me what I can and can't do within my own home, in my own country, tell me all your objections about me... all while you think I'm scary?"

Unsure where this is going, you nod a bit lamely. What else could you have said?

"I see. Well. I suppose, in my haste, I have treated you a bit roughly for a lady."

"You...have." You affirmed hesitantly, your death grip on the blankets over your collarbones easing slightly.

"Then, for that, I extend you my sincerest apologies and ask that you find it in that fiery little heart to forgive me." You weren't sure if his tone was playful, mocking, or both... but it was a start.

"I'll think about forgiving you then."

"Then I'll put forth the effort to earn it. But for now, let's start from the beginning. I am King Jarkah Drak'in, ruler of the Etherian Empire. And you are?"

You had pondered giving him a false name before, but at this point there seemed little reason to it. "(Y/n). My name is (y/n)."

"(Y/n)." He repeated back to you, the gentle rumble in his voice almost bringing back that warmth to your cheeks. "I rarely hear human names so sweet on the tongue."

You tried and failed to formulate a reply to the compliment, your thoughts stuttering over themselves.

Seemingly able to see your internal struggle, Jarkah stood back up, signaling the end to your little exchange.

"As much as I'd prefer to talk further, I realize I should take your fragile circumstances into consideration, I'll postpone our conversation until I hear word that you've recovered." Was he... still mocking you? Or was that genuine consideration? It was difficult to read his reptilian features, and even more so when his back was turned to you. "Goodnight, (y/n)."

You floundered for a response but all you managed was a meager "Goodnight" as the door clicked shut softly behind him.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Why won't you tell them? (Preath x Reader)

Based on this request. Hopefully it's what you were looking for!

Another request completed! I'm slowly working my way through them. This is not edited. Hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Slight mentions of feelings of worthlessness and not being enough.

Words: 2.2K

"When did this relationship become all about you two? Where's my say in this? Relationships are about compromise and working together, but I guess maybe we're not in a real relationship seeing as there is no compromise, it's all about you two and I get no say."

"Y/n-"

"No, I know you are scared, but you're not even willing to start by telling our family or friends. Do you have any idea how it makes me feel to have my girlfriends not want even a single person to know about us? Do you even realise how worthless and not enough it makes me feel? It feels like you don't care about me or my feelings, like you're ashamed of me, like I'm just a dirty little secret for you to keep hidden away."

I grabbed my bags, heading for the door. Christen and Tobin quickly followed, stopping in front of me before I could leave, "Wait, where are you going? We can work through this."

"My cab is here. I'm away filming for the next month remember? Take this time to figure out what you want and we'll talk when I get back. See you in a few weeks."

They looked like they wanted to say more, but sighed and told me they loved me instead. I didn't want to leave on bad terms, but at this point there wasn't much else to be said. We had been going in circles for weeks now and I honestly couldn't keep doing it. I loved them beyond words, I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, but I was tired. I was tired of feeling like they were ashamed of me, that our relationship only existed within the walls of our apartment. Hopefully, the time apart would make something change. Even if it wasn't a good change, which I was really hoping it wouldn't be, it had to be better than living with the constant self-doubt and questioning about them and our relationship. 

I stepped around them, stopping just before the stairs. Even if we were fighting, I still needed them to know I loved them. You never know what's going to happen or when the last time you'll see someone is, "I love you too."

---

I hadn't had the chance to read the script for this episode before I got to set. When I finally read it, it was like a punch to the gut. The whole show centered around a couple that was in a secret relationship, one wanted to tell people, but the other wasn't ready. This episode was centered around a fight about it. All it did was remind me about the fight we had before I left, about the uncertainty of our relationship. The only upside to this was it would give me a chance to express my feelings while also making the acting look more real. 

The whole filming of the scene was painful, more often than not leaving me crying myself to sleep at night. I hadn't heard from Christen or Tobin since I left. I missed them like crazy, I was miserable, but we needed space from each other, they needed space to figure out what they really wanted. There had been countless times that I wanted to message them, to just forget about this whole thing so we could go back to how we were. I knew I couldn't though. 

Filming went by quickly and before I knew it the episode was airing. I never watched the movies or tv shows I was in, but I knew Christen and Tobin did. Even without watching it, I knew my emotions were on full display. There had been countless comments from people who watched the show. Most seemed to be focused around the fight scene. It was the scene where I had almost lost control of my emotions completely. The tears and emotion in my voice was real, the scene having taken me back to our fight. The fans had picked up on that with multiple comments along the lines of 'There's no way that acting was fake, the emotions were too real' and 'Something tells me that there were real emotions behind that, who would ever hurt someone as wonderful as Y/n?'. 

Part of me hoped that this would make Christen and Tobin realize just how much they were hurting me. That maybe it would make them a bit more willing to compromise. As much as I wanted the world to know, I would just be happy with our families or friends knowing. Hell, I would just be happy with them acknowledging my point of view and trying to come up with a starting point we were all happy with. As much as I didn't want to admit it, if nothing changed when I went home then I don't think I could stay. Their love and my love for them wasn't enough to outweigh the pain they were causing. 

Christen and Tobin's POV

It had been almost a month since Y/n had left for filming. We hadn't talked since she left, wanting to give her space, but we were also terrified. Maybe she would talk to us and decide that we were done. In a way, not talking to her meant nothing bad could happen yet. We missed her like crazy though, since the start of our relationship we had never gone this long without talking. In a way it was a wake up call. We got a glimpse into what life would be like with Y/n and it was not something we ever wanted or wanted to even experience again. The fear had overtaken us for so long, it was hard to break out of that. Even now without Y/n, it was hard, but now it was clear that something had to change.

We watched every episode Y/n was in. She had come so far since we first met and we were insanely proud of her. What we didn't expect was the episode to be so close to our current reality. The hurt, sadness, anger and tiredness was so real. It hit us hard, like a punch to the gut. We were hurting the women we loved because we were too scared to even tell one person about us. It didn't help that most of the comments were about how real her emotions were, even coming from the team who adored Y/n. Everyone could see something was wrong. Everyone could see the pain radiating off her. Something had to change because if it didn't then we would lose her for good. That thought alone was a thousand times worse than the idea of what people would think of our relationship. 

"We can't let her slip away from us, we can't lose her."

We didn't know when Y/n was coming back, we didn't even know if she was going to come back home when she landed. It took a good five minutes to write the message, but it was time to bite the bullet and just do it. 

Christen: I know we haven't talked since you left and we're sorry. These last few weeks without you or talking to you were absolute hell. We wanted to give you space, not contact you if it wasn't something you wanted right now. 

Tobin: We love you so much Y/n, we are so far from ashamed of you and we're sorry we made you feel like we were. You're not just some secret we want to keep, we want to shout our love for you from the rooftops, but we let fear get in the way. Things are going to change, we swear.

Christen: I know we hurt you and that's something we will regret it for the rest of our lives. We don't actually know when you're back or if you were planning to come home, but please come home when you land, we need to have a proper conversation about this. 

Y/n: I love you too. I'm back tonight, see you then.

"We're doing it, we're telling everyone. The only opinions of our relationship that actually matter are ours. That's something we should have realised a long time ago before we hurt Y/n."

"Let's do it. Let's announce it right now."

We didn't spend much time finding the picture we wanted to use. It was our favourite picture of the three of us. We were cuddled up on the couch, Y/n with a huge grin as we kissed her cheeks. The fear was overwhelming as we typed out the caption, but we pushed through. This was something we were determined to do, no matter how terrifying it was. 

Y/n's POV

I was waiting at the airport with one of my costars, scrolling tiktok to kill time when I was brought back by her practically yelling at me. "What the fuck Y/n?"

My hands went up in surrender, utterly confused as to what was happening, "What did I do?"

She turned her phone around, showing me two separate Instagram stories of pretty much the same thing. It was a selfie of Tobin, Christen and I cuddled up on the couch, both of them kissing my cheeks. Tobin's was captioned, 'A month is too long to be without you, we can't wait for you to get home <3 <3'. While Christens was captioned, 'I can't wait to be in your arms again, hurry home because a month is too long <3 <3'

I felt my heart speed up as I realised what this meant. They had just announced to the whole world that we were together. Without me being there, without talking to me, they had told everyone. They had broken through their fear. A part of me felt guilty though. What if I had pushed them into something they weren't actually ready for? I never wanted to force them into something they really weren't ready for, I just wanted them to actually consider it. I couldn't help but worry that they'll start to resent me for it. "Oh yeah, that. Surprise I guess."

"They're cute. How did you manage to get not one, but two beautiful women to date you when I can barely get one? That's just not fair."

I laughed, genuinely laughed for the first time in over a month, "Beats me, but I'm not complaining."

My phone started blowing up, I muted the notifications, not wanting to deal with it right now. I snapped a quick selfie, showing my luggage in the background before uploading it. 'Hurrying home to you <3'. Then I quickly messaged them so they knew I had seen it and that I loved them. 

Y/n: I can't believe you did that, you didn't have to jump straight to the whole world, but I appreciate it. I love you both so much, I've missed you so much and can't wait to see you. My plane lands at 6, I'll see you at home <3

Before I could even get in the door, a body slammed into me, arms wrapping tightly around me. Christens perfume filled my senses as I melted into her arms. I hadn't even realised how much I had missed them until now. Every time I was away, I missed them, but after not speaking to them for a month, it was like ten times worse. Tears prickled my eyes as I held her tighter, only pulling away to connect our lips in a slow, soft, lingering kiss. Everything I had been missing and craving since I left. The tears were fully falling as I pulled away, taking Tobin's hand and pulling her into a hug. I sunk into it, holding her just as tight as Christen. Our kiss was slightly more wet and salty due to the tears, but just as amazing. Being back with them was like a weight had been lifted. Things had been tense for quite a while, but now I felt the familiar sense of peace that I only ever experienced with them. 

We finally made our way inside, the tears were wiped from my cheeks as Tobin kissed my forehead, "Don't cry baby."

"I just missed you both so much. Let's not go a month without talking again. You're not going to start hating me are you? For making you tell everyone?"

"No. That will never happen, that could never happen. We love you Y/n."

Christen wrapped her arms around my waist, a light kiss being placed against my jaw, "You didn't make us do it, we chose to, we wanted to. You gave us the push we needed to do it, but you didn't make us. We're sorry for how much we were hurting you. We're sorry we ever made you feel like you were worthless and not enough, or that we didn't care. You mean the world to us Y/n, there is no one in this world that is better for us than you, there is no one in this world that we want and love more than you."

"We will never forgive ourselves for what we put you through, but we will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, to rebuild whatever trust or anything we have broken."

I pulled them down onto the couch, enjoying the feeling of having them cuddles against me again, "Yes you hurt me and yes I questioned our relationship, but you didn't break any trust or anything. You don't have anything to make up to me, you already have. You did the thing that terrified you, for me. So please don't beat yourself up for what happened. It happened, we've acknowledged it and now we're putting it behind us and dealing with whatever comes next together."

[eternal-armin]

ii. SO, HOW SHOULD i begin this?

part two woo. hopefully i'll be able to catch up on this and maybe publish some other stuff now that i'm home a lot more often (yay pain and mobility issues), maybe some arcane stuff since that would be fun, branching out into my last hyperfixation again lol. i've proofread so it should be good :>

pairing : five hargreeves x male/transmasc reader [he/him pronouns]

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where : after trying and sort of succeeding to get on the hargreeves' good side, five and [y/n] try rationalizing the situation and figuring out something, anything, to do about it.

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warnings : mentions of trauma, threats [of physical violence and murder], reader is still totally exhausted because how could he not be, depression, dissociation, pain, bits of shouting, not necessarily a warning but viktor is always viktor in the multiverse because the boy deserves it okay, existentialism, philosophical nihilism, family issues.

five adjusted his clothes in the mirror. although he wouldn't be able to have a proper retirement, he could look like a retired old man, couldn't he? who would've thought that someone could get so excited for beiges and tans. he got an amused look of subtle approval from you. beyond that, it wasn't very hard to look past your façade if he was being honest, you looked hesitant; though could he blame you? there were probably millions of worlds where his family fucked you over or just straight-up killed you. and yet, you also looked too tired to care. he couldn't blame you for that, either.

he touched your shoulder again. in a flit of light, which once again made you feel horribly nauseated and woozy, you were downstairs. surprised exclamations roused from his family.

"anyone know where vanya and allison are?" five asked, glancing with narrowed eyes across the lacking table.

"nope." and after that short reply diego went back to finishing off his meal—for someone who often scarfed his meals down, he seemed to be taking his sweet time. either that or your fun conversation with five had not taken as long as you'd thought; either possibility was equally likely at this point, really.

"nuh-uh... sorry."

"not a clue, unfortunately. something wrong, tiny dancer?" klaus asked.

"well, we have a new problem."

"who's this guy?" luther pointed at you wish his thumb, not caring to cover his mouth; your nausea was worsened to see someone talking whilst eating. diego looked at you then, and you hated how his glare bore straight through your soul. he really, really didn't seem to appreciate your presence. how both of them could so willingly ignore the phrase 'we have a problem,' especially from five, was unknown to you.

"this is [y/n]. he's one of the sparrows."

you waved once to everyone. whether the sluggishness of the motion, and the weak smile which accompanied it, was due to shyness or exhaustion was incredibly murky and unclear.

"so now we're getting all buddy-buddy with the enemy? do you know how stupid that is?"

"i'm sorry, diego, did you not hear me say that we have a problem?"

"well, you say that a lot, little brother!" klaus leaned forward to see you clearer, giving you a smile. it didn't really placate your anxieties or your strong desire to run, however it was appreciated. he waved, and you again waved back politely, still feeling very... guilty for your earlier flub. it wasn't a new thing, either, and that made you feel even worse. "hello, little enemy! how do you look so young? do you use those, like, '10 years younger' face creams? i didn't know they worked that well—"

"that is not a relevant question, klaus, now can someone please tell me where allison and vanya are?"

you cleared your throat slightly. "vanya is most likely getting a haircut. allison is trying to get to claire, but she's... not going to find her." it left a bitter taste in your mouth to refer to viktor in such a disrespectful way, but you couldn't take that from him. upon receiving suspicious stares from the younger hargreeves brothers, you mumbled a quiet "maybe."

"mind telling us what the hell is going on before i deck this mini-muffin across the lobby?"

"hey, hey, do not use mini-muffin as an insult! those are beautiful things, there's nothing better than mini-muffins when you're on a bender at, like, three in the morning!" klaus got a confused and heavily judgmental look in return for that... beautiful insight.

"[y/n] has the ability to see all other timelines, so he can usually find out the most probable events. okay? good. now i need to find allison, so can one of you fetch vanya, please?"

"no, not good, and no thanks! after all we've gone through, we deserve a proper explanation!" klaus objected. after a second or two of awkward silence, and a scowling glare from five, he gave in with a curt sigh. it sounded more like a groan. the brothers looked at you; klaus was the only one to seem patient, showing the approval of a parent understanding a kid's fear of giving a speech; luther stared at you with a puzzling mix of intrigue and subtle impatience; and diego stared at you with a raised eyebrow, leaning his head in slightly as if to say 'i'm waiting.' five's glare, although still quite characteristic, was a bit softer when aimed at you. you could never feel more put on the spot.

"you've gotta say something, little man, we can't read your mind," klaus encouraged.

"well, uh... i don't know exactly what it is yet, but something is wrong."

"aren't you omniscient or some shit? you can see literally every reality!"

the shouting scared you quite a bit and certainly made your headache worse. you put one of your hands to your head, mumbling, wishing you could just get some painkillers. if only five had given them back.

"don't shout, for fuck's sake," five grumbled, annoyed in his own right.

"i'm not omniscient. if no other worlds know something, then i can't, and... no other world knows yet. but something is wrong." your quiet voice was juxtaposed to diego's, still loud and stubborn like back in the academy. around 79.4 percent of every single alternate world which had diego in it found him like this, angry and short-tempered; it was very interesting. "you aren't supposed to be here. you guys, as you are, don't exist here. i don't think reality appreciates you showing up all of a sudden. and if versions of yourselves already exist in this world, then something will need to... iron out the wrinkles, i guess." you pursed your lips for a second. "not to be too brash or anything, but, to really, really dumb it down, you're a mis—you're mistakes."

"seriously? five, i thought you said that this timeline would be safe to stay in." luther looked like a scolded puppy. you felt bad. he was far too sweet—naive? yes, naive—for this kind of life.

"yes, that's what i thought, but second opinions are pretty valuable in my line of expertise. turns out it was sorely needed." his brows pricked up a few times while he spoke. "but, like you said before, it may be a problem we can solve."

diego remained, unsurprisingly, unswayed. "you better not be including this wad of chewed gum in that 'we,' five."

"what is with you and insulting him? he wants to help. jesus christ."

"last time i checked, his entire family just kicked our asses out of our own house, i have a right to be pissed, and he's lucky i'm in no killing mood."

"i don't agree that he should be killed," luther began in solidarity, "but we have a reason not to trust him, right?"

you took a little breath and exhaled it in a quiet sigh. "i know my family can be... extreme. and bad sometimes. trust me. and i totally understand how you can be angry with them and with me and think that i'm not honest. but i never hurt anyone, and i want to help you guys. you're eccentric yourselves, but usually you're good people. you're, like, an actual family," you added, trailing off, "not a group forced to stay together for monetary gain."

five squinted at you slightly. was that one of the reasons you chose not to grow up? you couldn't be associated with the sparrows if you were half their age. throw on a pair of sunglasses and nobody could recognize you.

jeez. didn't that sound nice.

"you guys really deserve a place to rest. a stable place to live, even. and if we can figure this out, then maybe you won't have to live in constant fear of coming into contact with your doppelganger or something. live, like, normal lives. as normal as they can be, anyway."

diego, much to your surprise, seemed to listen to what you were saying. sure, he still looked quite ticked-off and impatient, but you couldn't really ask for too much from him, could you?

"and you're sure that this is a problem we can actually solve? for good?"

"i'm not exactly sure what the problem even is yet. all i know is that something is wrong. but every problem has a solution, even if it seems impossible sometimes." there was a twinge of sage, melancholic hopelessness somewhere in there, some subtle disbelief. "five is quite the expert in timelines and time travel-related problems and paradoxes, and i'm an expert in alternate realities and manipulating reality itself. if anyone can figure it out, i'm sure we can. and i have no doubt that all of you will also play large parts."

luther's face was screwed into an expression of brazen confusion. "so... we're, like, completely blind, and need to fight an enemy we know absolutely nothing about."

"pretty much," you mumbled.

"surprisingly poetic way to put that, luther, i'm impressed," five mused rather sarcastically. "unfortunately, however, it seems we're gonna have to do something terrible and unprecedented." perhaps for dramatic effect, perhaps to quell his own annoyances, he paused and sighed out a breath. "we're going to have to work together." he did not need to specify the parties specified in 'together.'

"well, personally, i think this is a splendid idea. perfect opportunity for family bonding, i'd say! we're surrounded by decent chinese food and competent beds and cable television. decent music, too! and diego can finally figure out some self-discipline by not constantly threatening to kill [y/n]! marvelous idea little ones." admittedly, klaus's unique way of talking and gesturing was quite calming to you. you were very grateful for him. oddly enough—maybe you should've stopped saying that when it came to the umbrellas—klaus seemed to be that pillar of tranquility for you. viktor as well.

"calm down, calm down. you know that he won't turn against us or whatever? you're sure?"

the question was directed at five but you answered for him. "i'm not strong and i've never been in good health. even christopher, without his powers, would be better at fighting you than i would."

"the fucking cube?" you nodded. he plastered a grin over a pouting scowl. he sighed, giving into the plan. perhaps some remaining distrust still lingered, however, he could deal with it. "we've gotta clue allison and vanya in now. i'll go get vanya."

"finally," five huffed, shaking his head. "i'm going to find allison. you said she's going to try and find claire? i'll go to her old house." and then, the next second, he was gone. a few seconds of... incredibly awkward silence passed, where luther was staring at you whole-heartedly.

"go on and take a seat, young whipper-snapper. do you have any dietary restrictions? or allergies? we've probably got something here you can eat, if you want."

you had asked to walk back home with five.

"why with me?" "it's a little bit selfish, but i really don't want to be alone right now, and you're the number one person i trust right now." "flattering," he muttered. "then why walk?" "i think better when i walk."

admittedly, walking was taxing for you right now, so it may not have been your brightest idea, but after this entire day you needed a nice break; the picturesque city sunset was nice, the breeze was subtle and sweet, and it smelled like food out there on the streets. viktor had offered to talk with marcus and try to make a deal; you'd asked him to be very, very careful. "i don't know if purposely seeking out the anomaly would be more effective, or if allowing it to reveal itself would be better. maybe we should seek it out."

five nodded slightly. "allowing it to reveal itself could mean that it becomes too powerful to stop."

"that's kind of what i was thinking. we don't know how it would reveal itself. what if it destroys something, or changes something? what if it hurts people?" your voice was quieter with that last proposition. it was the worst possible option in your mind; buildings could be rebuilt. changes could be undone, with enough time and patience. but people could not be undamaged, and they could not be brought back to life.

well, not permanently, anyway.

five's pace slowed a bit and he peered at you, strangely, for a moment. you avoided his eyes.

"surprisingly enough, i don't think this is the... worst outcome." "forgive me but i don't really believe you. we've got jack all on either side. essentially, we're alone." "you're used to it, five." "hmph. and you aren't?" "not in this way, i guess." there was more he wanted to say but you would not give him the opportunity to dig too deep. "there are worlds where your family is on board. trusts me, even, after some convincing. and there are also some where we narrow the options down. i'd love to be in one of those. but at least we aren't at each other's throats again, or diego's choking me to death." your voice soured. if you got too close, you could feel that pain. there your mind went then, trying to save your other selves out of some ethereal desperation you could never claw yourself away from.

"ow!" you hissed, clapping a hand to your neck where it had stung, sharp and sudden. "what was that?"

"you were seriously so spaced out you didn't see me?" five asked, though it barely sounded like a question. he sounded just barely concerned. you had looked like a glove without a hand. "jeez," he scoffed, shaking his head. "did you see anything helpful, at least? anything at all?"

your mind was still seared and shattered across uncountable realities and he could see that struggle to ground in your eyes. hear it in your breath. you had little mental fortitude left to respond. "sorry? can you repeat that?"

five didn't roll his eyes. unfortunately, he knew dissociation. he carefully took your hands in his, rubbing your knuckles like he'd seen you do before, and that seemed to give you... some amount of usable energy. it was also sort of difficult not to notice him, of all people, doing it, even while he sported an expression of general distaste for the situation; you couldn't tell if it was falsified or not. slowly, you were returning to your body, and it felt heavier than ever before. "what did you see?" he repeated, just as you asked, meticulously annunciating each word and using a decent pace.

you nodded slightly. "i saw a few other timelines. less fortunate ones." you didn't need to elaborate for five to understand what you were referring to. the broad strokes, anyway. "nothing really useful, though," you added after a second in total defeat.

"shit. well, that's alright." and though it clearly wasn't, you didn't say anything.

"how long have we been standing here?"

"... a minute or two."

"oh, great," you mumbled, shaking your head to yourself. your record was around two hours, sure, but it still sucked. "the... we should seek it out."

"wow. you remembered."

"we were having the same conversation a whole lot. given i was still alive and actually grew to trust you." it was a half-joke but it succeeded in getting a bare grin out of five. "we can't risk hurting other people."

"or destroying something," five added.

"or destroying something," you agreed, then furrowing your brow slightly. a cafe nearby was playing pleasant music; that was something keeping you tethered to this world in particular, as if five wasn't enough, but even he was quiet sometimes. "the only problem is we don't know where it is."

"or what it looks like. if it even looks like something at all. it could very well be invisible or incomprehensible." he scowled for a second, though not out of irritation, thinking rather loudly to himself. "we should start where we appeared, i think." you nodded in agreement. "if your... 'family' decides to work with us, all of us, then we can search a whole lot more. but we should get the basics out of the way."

"the beginning is always the most logical place to start."

"quaint way to put it, did you write the sound of music in another universe?"

"what part about 'literally any possible, feasible universe' do you not understand?" you joked, managing a small smile of your own, and five would be lying if he said he didn't feel a little bit relieved to see you humoring yourself again.

"i deserve that." he paused for a second. "i know you said that walking helps you think, and you definitely need to do that more, but you look like a dead man standing right now. i'd rather just drop you off at the academy and get back to my own family. are you okay to teleport?" you did not respond at first, taking careful account of how you felt and how you may feel after. eventually, and rather subtly, you nodded.

"my room is klaus's old room back in your universe."

"wow, that... makes it easier. safer, probably." that was the closest you were going to get to 'thank you' so you took it. you shut your eyes tight and breathed deep through that half-second nausea-bomb. you were happy to see your room when you opened your eyes; smelling like home, looking like home, feeling like pure comfort. five glanced about your room. somehow it looked exactly like what he expected from you, which was a compliment. it was cozy. well-lived—especially the bed. there were many blankets and pillows and a few stuffed animals, unmade, probably because you barely left it. he couldn't blame you, either.

looking at you, you seemed totally relieved and excited to be back home.

"are you going to let go of my hands now?"

five stiffened for a second, mumbling a hushed apology before letting go, shoving his hands in his pockets. you couldn't help but grin a little, tiredly, and he scoffed when he saw it. "don't look at me like that. i was helping you ground, since you evidently can't do it yourself sometimes." not that he could blame you, really. he couldn't imagine what it would be like to be... you.

you ignored the jab. "i'm surprised you're willing to wait to take care of this," you mumbled, hanging up your scarf and sweater, lazily rifling through your dresser to find something decently comfortable to pass out in. "you always insisted on getting things done quick. if not immediately."

"i'm desperate for one damn moment of peace. the world isn't being decimated just yet. i just want to sleep decently for once."

you smiled slightly. no one could work while exhausted, especially not when it came to your quandary. "go on and sleep then. i'll meet you at the obsidian again tomorrow."

"yeah. oh, uh, just remembered something. close your eyes for a few seconds."

"why?"

"just do it."

you scoffed, though without any sort of animosity or annoyance, shutting your eyes tight like he told you to. you heard the familiar sound of his blinking once, twice. "alright. you can look. here." he held out to you your bottle of painkillers. "nearly forgot to give them back."

"oh, sh—thank you." the relief on your face was quite plain and sort of comforting as well. he mustered a slight hum in response.

"good night."

"night, five. sleep well."

"hmph. we'll see."

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for "ruining" a "perfect" world to make it better?

(Tw for mention of child death)

I, (M), lived in a world where everything was controlled. Weather, terrain, everyday language, ages, and everything is completely controlled. All fruits look the same. Color doesn't exist. Animals don't exist. Everyone is forced to be the same as everyone else.

Every year, there is a ceremony where everyone born in a certain year get one year older. The last one is the Ceremony of Twelves. The Ceremony of Twelves is when people receive an Assignment (a career) for the rest of their life until they either become Old, or are Lost.

I recently completed the Ceremony of Twelves, and instead of getting Assigned, I got Selected. I was selected to become a Receiver of Memory. The Receiver of Memory is a very rare selection, and there is only one in the community. It is he who trains his successor. However, it is a very lonely position too. And it comes with so much pleasure, but also so much pain.

The previous Receiver was to be my mentor. He told me to call him The Giver, so that is what I will refer to him as from now on.

In his care, I learned so much that nobody else knew or likely would know. I learned about all these things. Snow, colors, music, elephants, love. So much.

But I also learned about pain. Blood, sunburn, war, starvation, it was too much for anyone to handle. I wasn't the first one to think about leaving my position. The last person to be selected for this role left and caused so much damage to the community.

I found out that there was so much control over this world that if someone had twins, the smaller one would be Released. But instead of happily being adopted by another community, they were killed. I couldn't stand all the knowledge I had gained and I broke down in tears. I did not want to go home, as my father was the one who did it. He didn't know, but anger was blinding me.

I stayed with the Giver for the night. We developed a plan for me to leave the community and hopefully change things so much that life would be more like it was before Sameness. It was a great plan.

But then it went wrong.

I had to leave. A Newchild that my familyunit was taking care of that I had grown a liking to had been scheduled for Release. I had to leave that night.

In doing so, I had to leave everyone behind. My friends, my family, my community. I had to leave them with the memories or pain and suffering, but also the ones of color and love and music. I had also committed multiple offenses, such as stealing food and a bike, and leaving a dwelling at night. And I had taken the child too. I'm currently traveling with the child and almost out of food. Planes have stopped searching for us.

AITA?

[butterflydm]

wot reread: the gathering storm (chap 43-end)

spoilers through the gathering storm

Egwene spends some time internally processing her feelings on being rescued from the Tower, trying to figure out if her feelings of anger and failure are legit, even if the 'failure' was pushed on her by others, and how she could have done things differently to prevent the rescue from happening.

2. Egwene then works on coming to terms with the idea that being the leader of a group of people does not actually mean being in charge of your own destiny. Another tie to Rand and what he's been struggling with for the whole book series! Egwene thinking about the illusion of control here really ties into the struggle we've seen Rand deal with as Dragon Reborn and what Mat dealt with as ta'veren in books 3-9. It's interesting to me that we've never really seen Elayne struggle with this on page -- maybe because she's always had the background/training on it?

3. Ultimately, Egwene decides that her only choice is to assault the White Tower before Elaida has the opportunity to heal the Sisters injured in the raid and to regain her power in the Tower. She and Gawyn have a brief conversation where she thinks about how it isn't a bad thing for Gawyn to argue with her in private, but that he must never disobey her in public. Which, for the lover of a ruler, I don't necessarily disagree with, but they don't have any kind of actual arrangement at this point. She wasn't his boss, and he waited for Siuan before actually moving to action. In the grander scheme of things, it doesn't really matter if Egwene is here or in the White Tower right now (because she already Won By Default when Elaida was taken in the raid), but I agree that it's important that they have conversations about their expectations in a relationship. And actually HAVING a conversation about their relationship would put them ahead of the majority of the relationships in series, which mostly happen either by accident or by trying to jam puzzle pieces together according to the words of a prophecy, lol.

4. Back in the White Tower, the five heads of the Ajahs who are still around are talking about how badly things are going. We do finally get the mystery of the ~young Sitters~ solved here -- deliberately sent by the heads of the Ajahs in order to make a smooth transition back to a reunited White Tower when that hopefully happened. Right now they're talking about how their plans have failed because: a. they didn't take the Tower split seriously enough (they assumed the rebels would come crawling back for forgiveness); b. Elaida was a disaster (allowing her to disband the Blue Ajah made the rebels caving much less likely); c. they were too obvious about their collusion, in times when normal Sisters were avoiding spending time with anyone outside their own Ajahs.

5. So now they talk through (and reject) a number of women as candidates to replace Elaida, who they know was taken by the Seanchan. It is Adelorna (head of the Green Ajah) who first mentions Egwene as their potential new Amyrlin. Because of how bravely she took the novices under her wing and protected them and any Sisters she found from the Seanchan. She also points out there is no better way to bring the rebels back into the fold than raising up their Amyrlin as the Amyrlin of the Tower as a whole. I really enjoyed this whole discussion. We finally get answers on the young Sitters mystery that was bothering Siuan for so long, and the five heads of the Ajahs here (everyone but Red and Blue, essentially) all agree that Egwene makes sense as a choice. They even approve of Egwene clearly NOT being puppet material, because they've seen how badly that can go with what they tried to do with Elaida. And I like the contrast between Egwene thinking of herself as a COMPLETE FAILURE for disappearing after the raid vs that literally not even coming up as a point against her when the Ajah heads are talking her over as a possibility because they are all busy talking about what she actually did DURING the raid.

6. Though Siuan worries that what she did may have lost Egwene's trust, she absolutely believes she made the right choice to disobey. Siuan says that she believes the rebels were very close to losing heart and giving up on the cause, with their leader gone for so long. And thinking back to what happened with Siuan herself in TSR, she knows this from personal experience! Anyway, I still don't care much about Siuan/Bryne but this scene between them isn't bad. Their relationship has been a LOT more grown-up since Sanderson took over. Instead of throwing things at Bryne, she's actually talking to him.

...huh, I'm making some connections about Jordan's ideas of romance again. Siuan throwing things at Bryne. Tuon throwing pottery at Mat in her first scene in CoT. I'm wondering now... was the reason that Tuon was such a pre-teen bratty version of herself in CoT & KoD because Jordan saw brattiness as inherently a 'sexy woman' thing, and so Tuon being a brat to Mat was meant to show off how ~desirable~ she was? I'm gonna give that some more thought. But it is interesting that there's no more tantrum-throwing from the women ~being courted~ anymore, at least not so far.

7. Oooh, Egwene stole the Oath Rod from the White Tower. Good looking out. Anyway, she's called the Sitters together in a private meeting of the Hall because it is time to call out the Black Ajah. Step one: she takes the Three Oaths and then announces that she is not a Darkfriend. When Egwene announces her intentions for every woman in the Hall to unswear and then reswear, to likewise prove that they are not Black Ajah, Sheriam embraces the Source -- Egwene was expecting this, of course, because of Verin, so she promptly shields her. She manages to trick Sheriam into lying by building up a series of high-stakes questions that Sheriam instinctively says "no" to and then hits her with "do you have red hair?" and Sheriam is amped up enough that she says "no" to that too. Which reveals she is not currently under the Oath against lying, because it would have stopped her tongue.

8. When Egwene continues to press the others about swearing, Moria leaps up to try to run away, revealing herself and getting caught. But after that, of the Sitters currently present, all the rest are able to reswear the Oaths and declare themselves not to be Darkfriends, so Egwene now has certainty about who she can trust, which is very useful! Everyone present here knows that everyone else present is not a Darkfriend (twelve people total).

9. I do think it's really funny that Egwene... Traveled to the Tower to fetch Verin's books, and Traveled back AGAIN to the rebel camp. Anyway, she also lets them know that they're going to assault the White Tower tonight, after they've cleansed the rebels of all the Black Ajah Sisters but since we already know that the Tower is leaning towards Egwene as Amrylin, I feel safe to say that this will not actually be happening.

10. Shifting back over to Rand's plotline, he and Nynaeve are arguing over the best place to enter the Blight, with Nynaeve voting for Tarwin's Gap, but Rand is feeling like that would be a waste of resources, since Lan can provide a useful distraction there while Rand Travels his army directly to Shayol Ghul. Obviously, this is very upsetting to Nynaeve. She also notes here that Rand seems ~particularly determined~ to assert his independence from ~Aes Sedai~. It's so weird to me that Nynaeve doesn't seem capable of processing that Rand is deeply traumatized? (though I guess she didn't get Min's overshare about Rand's traumas; that was reserved for the Aes Sedai that he trusts the least of those around him, lol)

11. Oh, here we have Rand definitely embracing that Lews Therin death wish -- when Nynaeve protests that Rand's plan is going to get Lan killed, Rand says, "Then who am I to deny him that? We all deserve the chance to find peace."

12. The interesting thing to me about Nynaeve's argument here - that the people of the Borderlands wouldn't be particularly grateful that the world has been saved from the Dark One if they are cooking in Trolloc cookpots -- is how easily it can get turned around on the "we must ally with the Seanchan" argument. How grateful will the Seanchan slaves be that the world has been saved, when the world being saved only means that they continue to be trapped into slavery with no hope of escape? Right now, Nynaeve is mourning that the people of the continent are going to be crushed between the Trollocs coming from the north and east, and the Seanchan coming from the south and west, and tries to think of any way to convince Rand to find a new strategy.

13. Trying to figure out how to meet Cadsuane's ~task~ for her (find Perrin), Nynaeve resorts to asking Rand (actual communication being the hardest task of all, lol), saying that her reason for asking is worry over Perrin and Mat. In response, Rand tells her that she's still not a very good liar. (lol yikes). Also, Rand saying about Perrin, "He has tasks set before him and performs them." lol, if only you knew how completely untrue that statement is, Rand. Perrin has done anything BUT try to perform the tasks set before him, lol.

14. Oh, I really like this conversation between Nynaeve and Narishma (they are talking about the Borderlands delegation that Rand is meeting). This sentence from Narishma hits particularly hard: "I want to trust them. I know them for good people. But good people can do the wrong things. Particularly when men who can channel are involved." Nynaeve also notes here how clearly loyal to Rand Narishma is. It really is a shame that Rand avoided the Black Tower as much as possible because the (non-Darkfriend) Asha'man that he pulled away from the Black Tower have all been A+ people and very loyal and goodhearted. Narishma, poor Eben, Damer Flinn, Karldin, Jur Grady, etc. And it's especially a shame that Rand didn't let himself become friends with any of the Asha'man traveling with him, feeling like he had to treat them as weapons instead, because it's clear that several of them do care about Rand a lot. So it's just really a shame that the Black Tower couldn't serve as a support group for all these men who are all going through similar traumas.

15. The "delegation" that the Borderlanders sent to meet Rand consists of a single person -- Hurin, the sniffer from TGH. Rand is very distrusting of this and assumes that the reason that they sent Hurin in particular was to try to take down Rand's guard. Hurin tells Rand that the Borderlanders want to meet with Rand inside the Guarding of Far Madding (where he will not be able to channel). No one is ever willing to meet Rand on neutral ground anymore. It always has to be in a place/situation where they feel they have an overwhelming advantage over him. First ~slaver empress~ and now the Borderlanders. Rand Travels with Hurin, Nynaeve & the others to just outside Far Madding. They look over the army that is assembled here and Rand gets some pretty rough ptsd, thinking of his time trapped in Far Madding. I wonder if Rand believes that he's only thinking most of the things that he says here -- we've seen in his PoV that he thinks he's being stoic always, but in other PoVs, there's mention of him talking to himself. As far back as TFoH, iirc.

16. Right now, Rand is pondering the notion of ~teaching the Borderlanders a lesson~ about trying to cage him. Yeah, when Nynaeve tells him that he can't attack the city because it's full of innocent people, he's surprised that she's responding to his words. He definitely thought that was a private conversation with LTT in his head. As soon as he realizes that Nynaeve can hear him, he goes emotionless and cold in affect. He tells her that he has no plans to attack the city. Then he tells Hurin to go back to the Borderlanders to tell that that he is willing to transport them to the Blight and, if that isn't acceptable to them, then they can explain to future generations why they shirked their duty.

17. Rand Travels with Nynaeve to Tear, and tells her that Perrin is camping by a statue, though he can't tell her where exactly (he's mentioned that he, Perrin, and Mat are ~connected~). He does describe what the statue looks like and says that scholars might have a good guess where it's located.

18. Nynaeve, I love you, but it is so WILDLY hypocritical for you to be thinking about how RAND likes to hoard information away from other people. Please, consider yourself and your own choices. I am asking you to please do this. Physician, heal thyself.

19. Nynaeve thinks here that some part of her feels like she abandoned Mat when the Seanchan attacked Ebou Dar, but then she dismisses the idea that he might be doing anything other than drinking it up at an inn. Despite. Literally finding out that he was just traveling with the HEAD of the SEANCHAN EMPIRE. Nynaeve, do you hear yourself when you think? Even a little, do you hear the things that you think? Anyway, Sanderson doesn't give us a reason here why Nynaeve never told Rand about Mat being left behind in Ebou Dar, because there never WAS a reason apart from "Mat's plot is in Ebou Dar" and she can't exactly say, "The author wouldn't let me tell you". The bizarre mental contortions that everyone took in WH to not tell Rand about Mat being left behind in Ebou Dar still give me a headache if I think about them for too long lol, because that really is the most blatant Hand of the Author situation in the entire series. It MUST happen for the plot and therefore it DOES happen, no matter how little sense it makes.

20. "All this would be much harsher on the one who shared his heart." The ONE? You were there for the group love confessions, Nynaeve! You were Team Elayne back in the Stone of Tear. What is this bullshit about Min being ~the one~ who shares Rand's heart? Anyway, Nynaeve is making excuses for why Min is spending all her time with Cadsuane, the woman in the city that Rand probably trusts the LEAST, lol. Though, hey, once again, I'm gonna appreciate that this means that I've been getting a lot of Min-less Rand scenes. I will take that for the win that it is. Still, I can't believe that Nynaeve is literally not even thinking about Elayne or Aviendha here! Especially Elayne, her hijinks bestie.

21. Nynaeve says that she wants to know WHY Cadsuane is looking for Perrin before she shares the information, because she wants to make certain it doesn't lead to Rand getting hurt further. Cadsuane scoffs at the idea that she'd hurt Rand. I stare off into the middle distance, reliving my, and Rand's, Terrible Times With Cadsuane.

22. Anyway, Min "claims that she hates sharing her viewings" Farshaw has been obediently telling all her viewings to Cadsuane, because she actually loves telling her viewings to literally anyone who will listen. Cadsuane uses Min's viewings as a way to scare Nynaeve into telling her the info about Perrin without needing to give up anything in exchange. RIP, Nynaeve's spine. You held strong for, like, a solid minute there. Anyway, after Nynaeve caves and tells Cadsuane about Perrin, she gets rewarded with a crumb of information for being a good girl. It's not Perrin himself who matters; the person who really matters is one of Perrin's companions. ...I know Cadsuane doesn't mean it that way, but that really does feel like Perrin's story overall. Perrin is mostly useless, but he has helpful people around him who Get Things Done and then he gets the credit, lol.

23. For the battle (that isn't going to happen), Egwene is wearing crimson, as a reminder that she does not plan to disband the Red Ajah the way that Elaida disbanded the Blue. We learn that "over fifty" Black Ajah Sisters have been stilled and executed, including Sheriam of course. And Egwene has now gone through another of the trials that we saw leader!Rand go through -- needing to order the execution of people that she genuinely liked. Egwene thinks of how holding and then losing Moghedien has taught her that it is much wiser to kill Darkfriends & Forsaken outright, rather than try to use them for information, out of 'greed' for knowledge. We also learn that Verin only missed three Black Ajah Sisters among the rebels. Good job, Verin! And I really love the note here that the Warders of the Sisters who were found to be Darkfriends are under guard for now, not killed. We know from some Black Ajah PoVs that not all Warders to Black Ajah Sisters are Darkfriends too, and I'm glad that Egwene realizes that this could be the case.

24. We learn that there has been no word sent back by the envoy of Sisters that were sent as an embassy to the Black Tower, which is naturally very disturbing news. also, just to note: I don't have any issue with Egwene's thoughts here on the Black Tower needing to be 'dealt with', though that's partly informed by my own outside knowledge that Rand has been ignoring a festering problem for months. SOMEONE needs to deal with the Black Tower, and Rand has shown himself to be entirely unwilling. This is the same issue that Egwene is dealing with right now: she's cleaning up her own house. That's something that Rand has just been refusing to do. His houses kinda stink right now.

25. As they are on the edge of the assault, a group of Sisters come to the bridge from the White Tower, to speak with Egwene. She's told that they plan to raise her as Amyrlin and that Elaida was taken in the raid last night. When Siuan (who doesn't know the Seanchan and how damane are treated) mutters that it's what Elaida deserves, Egwene (who DOES know) corrects her: "No woman deserves that. Better she had died." As I've been saying! We are in absolute agreement, Egwene. And Egwene now feels hope that the seeds that she planted in the Tower already WERE enough. <3

26. After she is officially raised as Amyrlin by the Hall, Egwene gives them a blistering setdown on letting things get so bad in the first place. The Hall was meant to be a check on the Amrylin's power and instead they allowed Elaida to do... well, everything that happened in the past books. And she names the previous Mistress of Novices, Silviana, as her Keeper, because that's one person that she can say stood up to Elaida purely out of principle, when she felt that Elaida was abusing her power as Amrylin. She addresses the rebels for their part in the Tower division as well, to help mend the breach between the two, and declares her intention to have a reforged White Tower to face the Last Battle. Overall, a pretty satisfying climax for Egwene's part of the story! Honestly, the only issue I have is Elaida getting taken off by the Seanchan -- though I'm guessing that was largely for timing reasons, since doing a proper reckoning with Elaida (who is not a Darkfriend) would definitely have added a lot of pages, plus this way the Seanchan (boo) get Traveling and any advantage that the Westlanders would have over them in that regard has been neutralized (sigh).

27. Rand is in a real bad place, emotionally and mentally, wondering if he even counts as human anymore. I just... okay, we all know my feelings on Rand and Min at this point but it really is baffling to me that she gets so much credit for ~helping Rand~ when she dips out when things get to their worst and is spending all her time conspiring with Rand's worstie Cadsuane. Anyway, Rand is feeling particularly troubled because seeing Hurin is making him feel doubt about his acceptance of his fate (his death). And wow, it's fascinating how thinking about Hurin sends him right back to thinking of Mat and Egwene (and now I'M thinking about how the show made a point of including a mention of Mat in show!Rand's perfect world) and about the boy he used to be (and honestly it kinda sounds like LTT's persona has become dominant? I think the quiet voice is probably RAND trying to be heard past LTT). He thinks about how that younger Rand had thought there was nothing more complicated than worrying over his friends hating him.

28. He gets a brief flash of Perrin, and then Mat in Caemlyn, and seeing Mat there in Caemlyn gives him that same kind of "this is not fair" feeling that Aviendha had, chapters ago, when she was thinking about how Min got to cuddle up with Rand every night while Aviendha had nothing but punishments. He thinks here about how he MUST remain far away from Elayne (just like he thought it was good that Aviendha left) because longing and nostalgia makes him weak, and he needs to be strong. And LEWS THERIN thinks "better to run from the past than to face it". Rand's raw longing here over how much he misses Elayne is getting to me. Seeing Hurin really opened the emotional floodgates for Rand in a way that neither Min nor Nynaeve have done, which is kinda fascinating to me, because it seems so closely connected to the journey that he undertook to get the dagger and save Mat. We've had a couple of mentions of Perrin in Rand's various memories so far this book, but a lot more of Mat -- it's Mat he thinks about when he's in Falme, and it's Mat he focuses on more here as well, returning to him a couple of times in his thoughts. It's Mat who Nynaeve throws in his face, and it's Mat who he needs to defend against an outsider (Tuon).

I do wonder what the show might do to trigger that kind of moment if Hurin a. gets cut from the show and b. would likely have been in Perrin's storyline and not Rand's anyway, given the setup.

29. lol, Rand thinking that he hopes Cadsuane hasn't lost Callandor the way that she lost the male a'dam. Standing in the Heart of the Stone of Tear, Rand thinks over the prophecies and tries to figure out why Callandor is at the heart of one of them, when it isn't the most powerful sa'angreal that he has at his command. Rand does come to the conclusion here that the prophecies were a more effective box than the Aes Sedai and... hmm, I think the only major difference here between what we'd seen Jordan write in this sort of situation and what Sanderson writes here, is that Jordan tended to use the 'leash' metaphor a lot when it came to Rand's fears of being trapped by the Aes Sedai or his destiny, while Sanderson is using 'box' metaphor more. Leashes and boxes are not the same, of course, but both metaphors are things that ARE literal threats in the series as well, plus they are both caging/trapping symbology, so I don't think they're so terribly different.

30. Oh, and Rand realizes that he's standing in the same hallway now as when he failed to bring the little girl back to life, back when the Stone was attacked in TSR. He misses Moiraine, and then makes up his mind that it's time to take the access key and drive the Seanchan back into the sea. And he goes to his room and... there's his dad. It shakes him hard, seeing Tam. Like... REALLY hard. Rand was already struggling with the bounds between who he was and who he feels that he has to be, and seeing Tam makes those worlds painfully collide. "He hadn't truly had a home since he'd left the Two Rivers." My HEART.

31. Rand's aside about how Min as the ~Dragon's lover~ is an exploitable weakness but not as bad as him having a father because ~lovers are expected~ but fathers made a person real and not mythic is... very jarring when set against the genuine heartache and longing we literally JUST had when he was thinking about Elayne. Sorry, he doesn't even think that Tam being here is a weakness worse than having Min as his lover, but "a woman like Min" which is somehow so much weirder and colder. It really makes it feel like Min is there to fulfill a role rather than there because Rand loves her. Has Sanderson ever said anything about his own personal feelings about Rand and Min? Because their relationship has ping-ponged a lot in this book -- sometimes it's treated as The Only Rand Relationship That Matters (especially by Nynaeve, for whatever reason) and at other times, it's treated as the throwaway relationship that DOESN'T matter and doesn't need to be protected the way that the relationships that are important need to be protected.

32. At first, it seems like this conversation is helping Rand. He's shocked, but this is his dad, and he loves him. And then the magic word comes out -- Cadsuane. And it does make me really sad because... if this had been a genuine gesture from Nynaeve because she was worried about him, Rand wouldn't have snapped the way that he does here. Because instead, this just feels like he's been betrayed by someone that he deeply trusted. His FATHER is taking marching orders from CADSUANE! Rand is not in a receptive mindset for hearing this information! So he snaps, nearly kills his dad, and is horrified at himself for... you know, repeating the past and almost becoming a kinslayer like LTT was. I mean... don't get me wrong. Rand was still very very close to the edge. But it's clearly the feelings of betrayal that make him fall off that edge.

33. He didn't have this reaction to nearly killing Min. Despite him explicitly comparing her ~near-death beautiful agony~ to Ilyena back when it happened, not only did that not make him snap, he then continued to share a bed with the woman that he'd almost killed, literally while she still had the bruises from his fingers around her neck. *pokes at the Min-Rand relationship with a stick, willing it to make sense* Anyway, I'm guessing that the reason is because he knew it wasn't his choice, and this was but... Min still being in Rand's bed after he almost kills her is just... such a weird vibe. Anyway, after Rand snaps back to himself and realizes that he almost balefired his father, he flees through a gateway to Ebou Dar.

34. Min's relationship with Cadsuane seems to mirror her relationship with her viewings and with fate itself: "Regret had come and gone. Min had moved on to resignation, tinged with a hint of frustration." Min has a tendency of getting swept up and essentially 'owned' by the most powerful force of will in her presence -- first Moiraine, then Siuan, then Rand, and now Cadsuane. It does seem... and this is something that I do disagree with Jordan on philosophically, lol, but it kinda feels like Min is his ~model citizen~ when it comes to dealing with fate -- resign yourself to it and make up your mind to enjoy it whether or not it's what you wanted, because it's gonna happen anyway so you might as well make your peace with the fact that you have no choice. That's what he's had Rand struggling against for books, and that's the conclusion that he has Mat (very abruptly) come to at the end of Winter's Heart.

35. Tam bursts into Cadsuane's room, pissed off as fuck. Oh, hey, when Tam talks about Rand almost killing him, Min has an actual emotional reaction to flashing back to her LOVER nearly STRANGLING her with his own hands. !!! Cadsuane tries to chide Tam for going off-script and chides him for his manners, and he just straight-out calls her a bully which, yes, I found cathartic because I have been calling her a bully ever since she first appeared! Anyway, Min does feel regret now for teaming up with Cadsuane, but it's too late.

36. Rand walks the streets of Ebou Dar. I am frustrated that the da'covale have been entirely forgotten, as Rand thinks here that people who can't channel are ~safe~ under the Seanchan.

a. No, they are not safe. Especially not if they're pretty.

b. People who can't channel can have kids who can channel.

c. The Seanchan literally invaded the continent and have murdered or enslaved anyone who fought back, like the ENTIRE headquarters of the Illuminators in Tanchico. Aludra says at one point that she basically IS all that remains of the Illuminators and she is probably exaggerating to a certain extent, but not entirely.

d. The Seanchan not only have slavery, they have multi-generational chattel slavery (Selucia is a slave because she comes from a slave family and was owned by Tuon even when she was a tiny baby who was not yet mentally a slave-owner; many of the slaves of the Deathwatch guard were also born into slavery).

e. Any society that un-persons people this easily can use that as a weapon on anyone that they dislike, with only the individual 'honor' of the slave-owner mattering, because there are no rules to police them. Egeanin mentions that it's ~socially frowned upon~ to cut off your slaves' feet after they've tried to escape, but people still do it. Both physical abuse and rape will flourish in that kind of system (and Tuon is aware that sexual abuse of damane exists and she finds it kinda icky because ~ew you're having sex with an animal~ but she still thinks the damane system that permits that abuse is a-ok -- we learn this from a conversation she has with Mat in Winter's Heart).

f. If you are the slave of a High Blood, you are expected to kill yourself if the High Blood dies.

g. We know that their system does NOT lead to actual peace and prosperity (except for the Blood), because we know there have been countless uprisings in various districts back in the homeland.

h. Their system of Listeners is pretty much designed to foster a community based around betrayal and paranoia. You can't trust ANYONE because anyone could be a secret spy for the government. Your mom could be spying on you for the government.

37. That being said, obviously Rand couldn't drive the Seanchan back into the sea at this point, for narrative reasons. I would have preferred he be given different reasons for holding off his attack though. "It's great to live under the Seanchan as long as you can't channel" is just straight-up not true. Like, all the "the people are grateful for the stability" just... is not actually true about what we've seen of the Seanchan either in Winter's Heart, or in Falme, or back in their homeland. otoh, idk if I feel like CoT/KoD Jordan would have handled this any better than Sanderson did. I am just... honestly, not happy with the treatment of the Seanchan storyline overall ever since Crossroad of Twilight began. It remains frustrating because it really did seem like it was going to quite intriguing places even through the end of Winter's Heart. CoT remains the point when the disappointment in how the storyline was being executed began but... yeah, not fond of this beat here either. It's especially jarring coming right after their brutal assault on the White Tower, too.

38. So I'd have preferred a slant of "these people have been through enough already; I don't want to be yet another disaster for them" rather than the spin that it's being given where we're supposed to think "sure, slavery sucks for the few but it makes life better for the many, so I guess we should just suck it up and accept it" viewpoint. But, regardless, Rand decides that he cannot destroy the Seanchan today, and he leaves Ebou Dar.

39. On the hilarious side of things, ~the tiny Seanchan empress~ has not been in charge for THAT long yet (given that Rand and Egwene are synced up, time-line wise, and Tuon had only recently taken control when she was told about the meeting with Rand, due to needing to travel back to Ebou Dar from where the Band was), so most of the progress that Rand is currently admiring was likely done under the direction of Suroth (a Darkfriend). Obviously, this means that the Dark One is just a bro who means well and we need to stop giving him such a hard time. Look how great Ebou Dar is doing! Isn't that proof that the Dark One isn't so bad?

40. Rand flees Ebou Dar, first going to the place where he last failed against the Seanchan, and then going to Dragonmount.

I do enjoy Rand’s epiphany, which apparently is semi-controversial, lol. I think it’s sweet and heartfelt and that it makes sense as a “breaking point” epiphany because of how it mirrors LTT’s original “breaking point” into despair and self-hatred. On the place where he created Dragonmount, Lews Therin chose to die, because he felt hopeless. He’d destroyed everything that he loved. On the place where he created Dragonmount, Rand chooses to live, because he’s realized that it’s NOT hopeless. Everything was not destroyed. The Wheel continued to turn. He was able to have a peaceful childhood. He was able to fall in love. And Rand can accept LTT’s losses without letting them define him. That’s what it meant to me, anyway.

41. What if the Dark One is right? Rand asks himself, asks the Pattern. What is the point of all of this if there is so much suffering?

Because there is not ONLY suffering. Because there is also love, and hope, and good things. Not always now, but it continues to exist, and it is worth fighting for (to reference another fantasy series that has some similar themes). And, to get a little personal here, as someone who has struggled with (clinical) depression in my past, including several years of self-harm when I was late teens/early twenties... this epiphany meant a lot to me. So I'm not even sure if it's possible for me to look at it with jaded eyes. Because this is something that I had to learn for myself too, in order to make it through some sad and lonely nights. Suffering exists, but it is not the only thing that exists. And I really love that Rand lets himself be angry here, too, before he finds his reason to live. For all that Rand's molten, unpredictable temper has been a huge plot element for books, it's always been right alongside his deep REPRESSION of his anger, of constantly feeding it into the flame so that he wouldn't allow himself to feel it. Because he felt like he couldn't do what needed to be done if he allowed himself to genuinely FEEL the rage that he felt over his destiny. But he needed to allow that anger to truly fill him so that he could begin (and I do see the epiphany here as a beginning and not an ending) to process it.

42. Also, to sing the show's praises for a moment, but they have already set up this moment so well! Both in Tam's speech in episode 1 but also with Ila's talk with Perrin. And we have the nihilistic counterpoint already laid out too, from Dana's speech to Rand. Those elements for Rand's internal fight and his final epiphany have already been laid out in the show so that, if they need to, as long as they know ahead of time that they're entering the final season, they'll be able to wrap up in an effective way. Very clever.

43. So instead of using the Choden Kal access key to destroy the world and the Wheel of Time, Rand uses that power to destroy the Choden Kal itself instead. He takes that massive power boost out of the equation.

44. In Egwene's epilogue, she's settling in as the Amyrlin. We learn that she plans to have the damane that they captured during the raid trained as Aes Sedai. She doesn't think about the sul'dam here. We learn that roughly sixty Black Ajah Sisters from the Tower were able to escape, off to join the Dark One for the Last Battle, I will assume.

45. Forty women were taken in the slaving raid. "Those women would be beaten, confined, and turned into nothing more than tools." I'm sure that's nowhere near as many as Tuon wanted, but it's still awful. Egwene has to push past another flashback here, of the collar around her neck. So, yeah, literally right after that whole chapter about how the Seanchan are just wonderful for the ~average folk~, we get a reminder of how horrifically awful they are to the ones that they un-person (this is also why Tuon ~petting the dog~ in her interactions with Olver meant nothing to me in CoT & KoD, because he's not someone that she instinctively un-persons, so her being civil to him doesn't really mean much).

For those keeping track at home, Tuon got FORTY women in this slaving raid, which means that Perrin is, I guess, the more successful slaver of the two of them at the moment, since he sold TWO HUNDRED women to Tylee in exchange for helping save Faile during KoD.

46. Egwene thinks here that the Forsaken in the Tower had probably known about the raid in advance but that is actually likely NOT the case -- Semirhage and Suroth were both gone by the time Tuon gave the order for the raid. It was entirely Tuon's choice, made out of fear and hatred, and not influenced by Darkfriend involvement. Egwene worries that Mesaasa is still in the Tower, having found a way to defeat the Oath Rod (all the women of the White Tower have now removed and resworn their Oaths and said that they are not Darkfriends). Even so, that's only one woman to worry about instead of many Black Ajah Sisters so things are looking up!

47. The light of Rand's epiphany has been spotted coming from Dragonmount and when Egwene sees it, it gives her a feeling of peace and comfort. Aw.

Okay, new thing I’m doing for this book and the next one: how close did we get to being ready for the Last Battle?

Rand: Sanderson pushes Rand to his breaking point so that we have a turn-around with Rand in the next two books. So... yes? Rand’s basically ready by the end of the book, having hit rock-bottom and bounced up again. Honestly? I felt like we didn’t get to spend long enough with rock-bottom Rand. I enjoyed rock-bottom Rand, who had as little patience for the bullies in this book as I do when I’m reading it. Rock-bottom Rand was cathartic. So I wish we'd held off on Rand's epiphany until the next book. I don't have any issue with Veins of Gold itself, but I wish that it had waited until the end of ToM (oh, if they'd done that, then the book itself could have been named Veins of Gold, instead of Towers of Midnight which, if I recall correctly, is a bafflingly irrelevant title). I understand why Sanderson probably felt like he needed to put Rand's turning point in this point (he needed to hook the fans who were feeling iffy about him finishing out the series, so he would have to put something big, so he did the one-two of Egwene & Rand's big turning points) but overall... I kinda wish it had happened in the next book and that we'd ended on Egwene reuniting the White Tower.

Egwene:  I hate that Egwene Wins By Default here, with Elaida being hauled off to a Fate Worse Than Death (I don’t care HOW BAD any specific character is -- absolutely zero (0) of them deserve to be enslaved by the Seanchan). But Egwene now is roughly where Elayne was at by the end of KoD, in terms of having consolidated her power, and I liked the majority of the build-up towards the ending. Just wish that Elaida hadn’t been captured by the Seanchan.

Mat: ...spent the book doing a side quest? wtf? THIS should have been the book where he did the Tower of Ghenjei plotline, since we spent so much page time on him anyway. Like, if he didn’t appear in this book, I would understand that plot being held off, but he has a LOT of page time. It was just spent dithering around, like he’s Perrin or something. I didn’t even dislike his sidequest but... it should not be happening. He should be in Andor right now. (I know Hinderstap is not actually a side quest ...I think) (but it FELT like a side quest). That being said, I actually did find this Mat more enjoyable than CoT/KoD Mat, even when I take into account the terrible sexist speech he gave at the opening of his first chapter. He starts out full-on pod!Mat from CoT & KoD but gets progressively better over the course of the book, and he's the most enjoyable that he's been in ages by the time we get to his conversation with Verin. And I also loved the return of the Cauthor crumbs. They actually think and talk about each other like the emotionally constipated best friends that they are. Poor Perrin is definitely still The Third Friend at this point.

Nynaeve: she actually DID have a little investigative side plot in this book, which is more than she did in CoT or KoD. Roughly on par with Nynaeve in Winter's Heart, I would say. She's definitely in secondary character territory now though, along with Cadsuane and Min, and not actually a plot-driver herself. She's essentially ready for the Last Battle, though.

Perrin: now that Faile has been rescued, Perrin can care about other things, so we’re kinda back to LoC!Perrin. Not ready for the Last Battle yet, but he’s been reset to before his character downslide of The Slog (TM) books.

Elayne: didn’t show up. :-( But she’s pretty much ready for the Last Battle already. Elayne has already done her work AND her extra-credit.

So, overall, Mat and Perrin have TONS of work left to do to be ready for the Last Battle, but everyone else is in a much better position. Rand needs to clean up his house, though, like Egwene cleaned up hers.

Though I have some complaints about this book, wow, it is a VAST improvement on Crossroads of Twilight and Knife of Dreams, and I liked it better than the mid-tier books too, and it breaks just past Lord of Chaos for me. Overall, I think Mat and Rand were better than KoD; Egwene is pretty great though I wish that Elaida had stayed at the White Tower for trial; and the majority of my irritations that do happen with this book are carryover from things that were either already happening or had already been set-up in KoD.

The two biggest things that I feel like Jordan would have ‘done better’: I think we wouldn’t have lost the secondary characters’ plotlines in Mat’s PoV & I think Jordan would have done something (anything lol) with Rand and Aviendha in Rand’s storyline. But nothing in this book is as jarring as Mat's characterization change from Winter's Heart to Crossroads of Twilight. Like, if you'd told me that CoT was when a new author took over (and I didn't know the truth), I would probably believe you! And dislike that new author a lot for what they'd done to Mat! But it was, in fact, the same author who also wrote all the stuff I liked in the earlier books, lol.

Series ranking:

The Fires of Heaven (😍)

The Shadow Rising (😘)

The Dragon Reborn (😘)

The Path of Daggers (😘)

New Spring (😘)

The Great Hunt (😄)

The Gathering Storm (😄)

Lord of Chaos (😄)

...

...

A Crown of Swords (🙂)

The Eye of the World (🙂)

Winter’s Heart (🙂)

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

Crossroads of Twilight (😒)

Knife of Dreams (😞)

[dabilove27]

Chapter 4

Chapter 3 | Next Chapter

Paring: Shuji Hanma x Fem!Reader, Draken (Ken Ryuguji) x Fem! Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings:  Pet name “Kitten, Babe, my girl.” Fingering, some possessive thoughts, edging, light dacryphilia, female receiving oral, sex. Mentions of smoking. Let me know if I missed anything!

a/n: Hello! If anyone is still waiting for this I'm so sorry it took so long! Life has been crazy with a toddler and work that just seems to get busier by the day. Thank you so much for being patient if you are still here! We get a little spicy with Shuji but I promise Draken will come up in future chapters. Thank you so much to my loves @lady-lunaaa and @gixxie for beta'ing! hopefully the next one won't take seven months!

To say things with Hanma became hot and heavy fast was an understatement. After the date at the coffee shop, the two of you began to see each other regularly.

And Hanma spared absolutely no expense as the dates progressed. At first, it was just trying to fit each other into your busy schedules. With school and his work, the two of you tended to meet late at night. Hitting up small ramen shops that stayed open late or just walking down the dimly lit streets, talking and getting to know each other.

You stayed far away from any subject that might bring up Draken. Instead, you focused on your studies and trivial things about your family. But Hanma always listened with rapt attention. Whether it was bent over a small table at a restaurant with golden eyes bearing into your soul or walking through the streets at night hands linked together. It was weird having someone get to know you and to be able to tell them only what you wanted them to know. It was so different from the childhood friend who grew up experiencing everything with you.  

But as always, you stuffed those feelings deep down because you refused to let the past bleed into this relationship. And Hanma shared with you–well, maybe shared was the wrong term. Hanma spoke in riddles and encouraged you to figure out his underlying meaning. But just like the night you met him, you pushed back with each challenge, you worked on reading between the lines and uncovering what he was really trying to show you.

So far, you discovered that whatever gang he was in was well known. One of the top ones in the area. It made your stomach churn to wonder if he knew Draken in his work and what that might mean for your future with Hanma. You also learned about his closest friend, Tetta Kisaki. Hanma would reminisce about the transfers to different gangs before landing in his current position. He described Kisaki as a "hard ass" but spoke about him as if they were as close as brothers. He also talked about being known as the former "Kabukicho Reaper." 

It was comforting because you knew this world of fighting for power and living on the edge. But it also made your heart ache because of how Hanma shared all of this with you, and it seemed like he genuinely wanted you involved in his life in a way that Draken never could.

But again, you didn't try to dwell on it. Instead, you focused on your future. Because honestly, you still had plans to travel with your degree and were still determining if you and Hanma would be long-term. You chose to enjoy the moments with him now and take what would come as it came. 

Subtle changes began happening, though, as your relationship progressed with Hanma. Summer break came, and that opened up a whole new avenue for your relationship. You were finally available at reasonable hours, and Hanma could adjust his schedule to take you out on "proper" dates. 

And apparently, proper dates included fancy restaurants. Restaurants that you would've never imagined. Incredibly fancy sushi places with a month's waitlist, a classy place in a high-rise hotel in Tokyo, and a small but exclusive spot right outside Tokyo Tower. 

You had learned that Hanma liked to wow you. He seemed to take pleasure every time your words were taken from you as you gawked at each new spot. But along with the extravagant dates, you and Hanma couldn't seem to keep away from each other. Just like when his fingers grazed your lips from that first date, it was like an irresistible pull to touch each other. 

It started out innocent enough with a gentle hand holding and his hand placed on your lower back. But with every date, the pull became stronger. The first time he kissed you was right outside of your apartment building. Like a typical romance movie, he pressed a gentle peck to your lips, setting your stomach on fire. You couldn't help but lift your hand to the back of his neck and pull him in deeper. The world seemed to crumble around the two of you, not caring who saw the kiss that was becoming deeper with each moment. 

Hanma took control, his tongue swiping against your lips requesting entrance. You didn't even hesitate, and Hanma loved that about you. He loved how pliable you were in his hands but also how determined you were. You were soft but strong, and he liked that very much. Your tongues met in a fiery greeting, desperate to pull the air from each other's lungs. But just as it started, it ended quickly. The two of you pulled apart to catch your breath. And while you stood there like a newborn foal, your legs felt like they would crumble beneath you; Hanma stood there, utterly calm, as if this didn't phase him.

He made your mind race. He made you want to chase him but he always returned to you. Just enough for you to catch him momentarily before leaving you wanting more. You had to admit it was exhilarating. But the next step was an intimidating one. 

You had only had sex with a few guys during your college career. And unfortunately, they were constantly being compared to Draken in your mind. Not that you and Ken ever had sex, but you can't pretend you didn't think about it. But you didn't want to do that to Hanma. You had actual feelings for him, unlike the one-night stands. 

All you wanted for your first time with Hanma was to be Ken-free. The comparisons would drive you absolutely insane. You supposed that's why you waited so long to accept Hanma's invitation to his apartment. Because you weren't sure, you were ready. But after months of dates and wandering hands from both of you, you were dying to see what hid under those suits he wore. Deep down, you looked forward to connecting to him that way, even though you were afraid to admit it because it meant you gave a part of yourself to someone else. Because after what happened with Draken, you didn't ever want to be that vulnerable again. 

It's July when you finally accept his proposal to spend the night. You packed a small night bag with toiletries, comfortable night clothes, and a lacy silk black night slip that showed enough skin to pique interest but covered what you wanted. You wanted to be sexy but still play this game of cat and mouse you enjoyed with him.

Hanma was intoxicating, always pulling you in. You had no idea what his place would be like, but you had to say you were shocked when you arrived at the high rise in Tokyo. In the cool early evening, the lights of multiple apartments lit up the sky of the towering building. 

Steeling your nerves, you stepped into the lobby of the grand building. You knew that Hanma probably got paid well by his taste in dates, but you never imagined it would be this well. Just imagining the cost of a small apartment here made your head spin. But you tried to act like you belonged in this place. Holding your head high, you crossed the marble floor, your heels clicked with each step.   

The elevator was just as lavish as the lobby, clean and crisp with a pleasant ding as it notified you of its arrival to the floor. You quickly glanced back at your phone to confirm the floor. Fifty-seven, jeez. You scanned the illuminated buttons as the numbers climbed until you finally reached the final one. He lives on the top floor!? 

Your anxiety twisted in your stomach as you contemplated what this meant. Top floors meant penthouses or lavish apartments from every show you've watched. Well, this whole building was great, but you couldn't imagine what it looked like up there. But you refused to chicken out, reminding yourself that this is another step to moving forward with your life. To move past Draken. 

The elevator seemed to take forever to reach the top floor, but finally, after what seemed like the most anxious few minutes of your life, it pinged to announce your arrival. Stepping out into the hallway, you glanced around and moved out slowly as if something was about to reach out and grab you.

Your eyes scanned a hallway that matched the opulent entry of the building. In the middle of the hallway, on the wall opposite the elevator, sat an all-black door with the number "570" on a silver nameplate next to it. Hanma's apartment was the only one on this floor, and judging by the size of the hallway. 

Steeling your nerves, you ambled to the door wetting your lips quickly–a nervous habit that tended to leave your lips chapped. The door seemed more oppressive as you stood before it, knowing what's on the other side. Knocking quietly, you hoped Hanma heard it so you didn’t have to be awkward and knock again. 

And thankfully, your silent prayers were answered. Within less than a minute, the tall man you've been spending time with opened the door. And fuck he looked good. Strangely even better than in his typical suits and ties. He's dressed casually, a sight you typically don't see, but he still looks like he could kill. His hair was messy, and his glasses were off, leaving no barrier between his piercing gaze and yourself. 

"Welcome to my humble abode," his voice was light with a hint of mischief as he stepped away from the threshold to let you come in. You had to stop yourself from gawking as you walked into the entrance area of his apartment. It was so spacious. With much higher ceilings than you expected. If it wasn't for the floor-to-ceiling windows that show the tops of buildings reaching toward the night sky, you would've thought you were in a single-story home. 

Hanma continued to talk about mundane things about his home as you slip off your shoes and continue to walk through the living area and kitchen. Everything was modern to a T. You were shocked at how clean it is. You hadn't expected a bachelor's apartment to be spotless and well-designed.  

"You decorated this place?" The question slipped out before you could pull it back in. Warmth reached your face, embarrassed that you sounded so judgemental. 

But typical Hanma rolled with the punches quickly as he always did. "Why kitten, you hurt me!" His voice was overly dramatic as he made an exaggerated shocked expression. "I have style, you know." 

Rolling your eyes, you forgot all about the embarrassment because it was obvious he wasn't offended, and you were almost positive you wouldn’t get a straight answer out of him now. The two of you made quiet conversation as he showed you around, from the state-of-the-art kitchen to the sleek living area and the expansive view of Tokyo.

But the sexual tension in the air was heavy, and the palpitations of what's to come thrummed deeply in your chest. Hanma's words seemed fuzzy as he opened the wooden door to his bedroom. It matched the house's aesthetic; deep dark tones of modernized furniture paired with lowlights make it seem more sensual than just a place for sleeping.    

But again, what drew your gaze the most is another set of floor-to-ceiling windows. You approached quietly, scanning the entire city, and twinkling lights from multiple buildings and homes dot the landscape. It was absolutely stunning. 

"Shuji, I didn't take you for the exhibitionist," you turned around to stare back into his golden gaze, trying to break the unsaid sexual tension with some humor. 

"For you, babe? I'll explore anything," his voice was low, sending a rush through you. You knew that he would stop at any time if you asked him, but the thrill of him watching you like prey only charged the energy in the room.    

You tried to stay calm and collected, but your heart was hammering so loud you're sure he could hear it. But Hanma had gotten to know you better than that. He knew you were swallowing the anxiety and that your mind was racing with never ending thoughts. He moved closer to you, lifting one of his tattooed hands to cup your cheek, enticing you to move closer to him. The two of you were so close your nose brushed his as he gently brought his lips to yours, as his thumb caressed your cheek. Some of your anxiety eased as you smiled against his lips, thankful you never have to explain yourself. He just knew.   

The kiss deepened, and you could taste him on your tongue, sweet and intoxicating. His hands slowly trailed down your sides until it met the hem of your shirt and slowly slipped inside. Your thoughts became clouded with excitement as those last anxious moments faded away.

His touch was feverish against your skin as he slowly moved you to the bed. He carefully guided you onto the plush black comforter and then stood back to tower over you. 

His black and blonde hair fell before his golden eyes as he appraised you.  

"What did I do to get so lucky? To have such a gorgeous woman in my bed?" 

Hanma usually always had a sense of playfulness in his voice, but this time, it felt more serious. You always believed the praises he poured onto you, but tonight his words held a different weight. Hanma continued to explore you, trailing gentle kisses down your chest. Annoyance from the barrier between you two encouraged Hanma to remove your top and bra; his fingers continued to follow the curves of your body as the tip of his thumb brushed over your nipples.

It was like all that time the two of you have been waiting to explore each other exploded; he couldn’t seem to pull away from you. He brought his mouth down to one of your awaiting nipples and pulled it into his mouth. You couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped. He’s now climbed on top of you, his clothed knee between your thighs. You ached for any friction and contemplated moving down to rub against him. Each movement only made you needy for more. Running your hands through his multi-colored hair, you tugged him close to you, urging him to do more.             

You watched him like a dog starving for attention as his hands quickly removed the button on his pants. But he was always in control and didn’t let you see all of him just yet. Instead, he returned to you, placing soft kisses down your shoulder, and followed the rest of your body until he met your clothed cunt. Every single touch, every single kiss added fuel to the burning desire inside of you.

Eventually, Hanma removed the rest of your clothing, leaving you bare against his black sheets. Hanma had only removed his shirt though and you ached for more. His long fingers skittered across your skin and down to your core, gently gathering the wetness. 

"I want to hear everything from you, kitten. No one can hear us, I promise," Hanma purred as he finally inserted a long digit inside you. He was drawing it out, moving much slower than you wanted. But you couldn’t stop the whine that escaped your lips even then. 

As he pumped his index finger in and out of you, his thumb found your aching clit, he began with soft circles, teasing you even more, pushing you closer to the edge. Your plushy walls pulsed around his finger as wet, squelching sounds met the large room.

"Look at you, already this spent, and we've barely started. Who knew you'd be so responsive."

All you could do is moan at his words, too excited to form a coherent sentence.    

Hanma let out a dark chuckle as he edged your thighs apart. He cursed at the low lighting in the room because he would love to get a good view of your aching pussy right now as he moved his face closer. His fingering didn’t stop; it continued at a slow pace that was driving you to the edge. It felt a little embarrassing to have him so close to your pussy, but you couldn’t deny how good it felt to have him worship you so profoundly.

You were getting more impatient, though, and let out a whine, hoping it would encourage him to give you more. And finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, he added another digit. The stretch felt good, but Hanma kept his steady pace, ignoring the bucking of your hips. He loved the way you moved beneath him, entirely under his control. You are his.   

You tried to continue to encourage him to pick up his pace to give you something more. And finally, he conceded, curling his fingers inside of you. He was moving faster, bringing you closer to breaking that coil that is so tight inside of you. But then his ministrations stopped, and you couldn’t help but cry, defeated.   

Hanma repeated this cycle multiple times, bringing you to the edge only to pull away before everything breaks. It left you breathless and begging for more. 

"You're so fucking cute, you know? Begging so sweetly for me," his voice was light, and you couldn’t even bring yourself to respond. Your cheeks were wet from the tears rolling down your face. A wide grin stretched across his face as he took his other hand and wiped away one of your tears with a swipe of his thumb. 

"I've never seen you cry before, but fuck it's a beautiful sight." You felt your insides flutter at the praise. But still, you couldn’t bring yourself to respond, your mind too caught up in a fog of pleasure. 

"Okay, kitten, I'll let you cum now," his voice was playful, a clear message of how he loved toying with you.

Another whine escaped your lips, ready to have some sort of release. Hanma brought his head between your legs and, without warning, covered your clit with his warm mouth. His tongue moved expertly over the tight little bud as his fingers rammed into you.

And finally you came hard. A scream ripped through you, tired of being silenced for so long as your body shook from the dam bursting inside you. Your body began to settle into that post-orgasmic bliss, weighted down by the activity like you would float away on a cloud. But Hanma didn’t stop. He continued to tease you as his tongue glided over your clit over and over. 

"Shuji!" you screamed, begging him to release you.

It all became too much, and you moved erratically beneath him, but he held you in place effortlessly. His large hands pushed down on your hips, leaving you no escape. He continued his onslaught on your pussy with his tongue, and you were singing into the evening with sounds of pleasure. Your eyes met his golden lust-filled gaze as he held you down; his arm was taut as you moved beneath him. There was danger in his eyes, like he was stalking his prey and finally had it right where he wanted it.

Everything was building up again, and a second climax roared through you. The shocks of your orgasm sinked into every part of you, leaving you numb. It was all overwhelming. You tried to get your mind back down to this plain, but it seemed to be floating away.    

As you tried to gather yourself, Hanma moved above you. His warm hands, which were just ruthless moments ago, began to caress you. Soft movements of fingers grazed your tear-stained cheeks, and sweet kisses finally helped you calm down.

You looked at him again. The darkness of the room, only illuminated by the city sky outside his home, surrounded you. You could have never imagined a moment so raw for you, not after everything with Ken. Hanma was able to pull you so far away. Hanma was beautiful, with a sharp jawline, broad shoulders, and golden eyes. 

Your eyes met his, and it felt like nothing else existed except the two of you. 

"I'm going to make you mine." 

Hanma's lips captured yours, hot and heavy, devouring you wholly. He pulled you closer to him, his hand wrapped around the back of your head.

You couldn’t seem to separate from him. You wanted to beg him to take you, but one breath away from him was too much to bear. Eventually, somehow, you ended up on top of him, every item of clothing discarded on the floor. His cock laid heavy between your wet folds as excitement moved through your body.        

Every movement was driving you insane. Pleas escape from your lips as the head of his cock nudged your sensitive clit.    

The two of you stared each other down, golden eyes smoldering in the evening as you finally sank down on him. You wrapped your fingers around his shoulders, allowing him to stretch you out. His cock was long and thick, feeling like heaven as it sinks deeper inside you. You took all of him, pushing his tip right against your cervix.

Slowly, Hanma guided you, his hands holding your hips as he helped you find a rhythm. It felt like he's waited a lifetime to feel you like this. He cooed sweet compliments in your ears over and over. His voice caught in the cutest stutter when you squeezed him.

His eyes were still locked with yours as you bounced on his cock. There was absolutely nothing that could tarnish this moment.

"You're so fucking perfect," his voice was low as he panted out the words. Everything felt intense like you were the only two people in this world that existed.

But the response you gave reminded Hanma why he fell for you. How you've always caught him off guard. "You're pretty good yourself, Shuji." 

His hips crashed into yours as he allowed the emotion to fully take him under. The room was filled with the sounds of your bodies meeting. 

Both of you reached your orgasms within moments of each other. Hanma couldn’t help it when your plush walls began to pulse around his cock. His balls tightened as he spilled himself inside of you. You savored the aftershocks and the subtle twitch of his member inside you. 

The two of you were silent, Hanma refused to pull out just yet. The distant city sounds and your heavy breaths were the only things permeating the air. 

Hanma finally broke the silence with a low chuckle before slowly pulling out of you with a soft hiss. He pulled back and pushed a strand of your hair back while leaving a gentle kiss on your lips.

"I know this is cliche, but that was fucking amazing," he whispered as he pulls back, lifting himself slowly off the bed. You met his wide grin with one of your own. Hanma beckoned you to the bathroom with an outstretched hand, and you didn’t hesitate before gingerly getting out of bed and following him. 

After that, you and Hanma became practically inseparable. Spending almost every moment of free time together when he wasn’t at work or you weren’t at school. Private moments were heated, and no matter how long the time apart, you reunited like long lost lovers. 

Hanma still kept his work relatively secret from you, which you understood from your past with Ken, but you couldn’t stop wondering if he ever had run-ins with Toman. But you tried to keep yourself from asking and possibly uncovering something that would hurt you. Deep down, you wanted the best for Ken. You hoped he's living a life that makes him happy.               

Days turned into months, and months became a year of being together. The flame with Hanma was heavy, devouring every part of you as the two of you progressed. And eventually, Hanma decided to let you deeper into his world. 

He initially didn't introduce you to Kisaki because he wasn't sure how long you would stay with him. While most girls he had been with liked the danger of his job, they would disappear when faced with the reality of meeting his cohorts. 

But you were eternally different from all of them. Hanma loved that you hold a soft part of yourself and a part that took no shit. It kept him guessing, constantly wondering what part of you he would get next. And that only solidified him taking you to finally meet Kisaki.  

Hanma picked a neutral place, a small family-style restaurant with enough hustle and bustle that there would be little attention if things got out of hand. He didn’t expect things to get crazy, but he has learned over many years to plan instead of dealing with the unexpected.

Hanma gently ushered you into the small doorway of the restaurant, his hand delicately placed on your lower back. The smell of fried food greeted both of you instantly. He began to search around the restaurant. Kisaki had already sent him a text that he had arrived. 

Dyed blonde hair and a shine of golden framed glasses finally came into sight. Hamna donned a broad smile as he walked over with you across the wooden floor. 

"Tetta!" Hanma called out across the restaurant with no regard for formalities. The man with blonde hair whipped his head in Hanma's direction with a scowl. 

It was strange that the two of them were friends. Hanma even said it himself, they were polar opposites. Hanma was loud and acted impulsively, whereas Kisaki sat quietly and planned everything to the last moment. But somehow, the two bonded over years of working together, from what Hanma has told you. 

Anxiety churned in your gut as the two of you approached the table. You wanted to make an excellent first impression, but by the intense scowl the other man was throwing at Hanma, you were still determining how well you’d be able to do it. 

"Don't you have any wits, you idiot?" Kisaki snapped at Hanma as soon as you arrived at the table, and you did your best to not let any weakness show. You knew how these men worked. 

Hanma only smiled at Kisaki as he ushered you into the booth. The maroon upholstery squeaked under your movement and then Hanma's as he squeezed in beside you. It felt like you were trapped, in a sense, with nowhere to look except at the intimidating man in front of you.

"Don't be so sour, Tetta. I'd like you to meet my girl." Hanma's voice was jovial as he motioned to you with one of his tattooed hands.

Steel gray eyes flashed over to your form, reading every part of you with his piercing gaze. Kisaki didn’t smile or offer a warm welcome which only made you want to melt away. "This idiot won't shut up about you," he motioned toward a smiling Hanma with his head. "I don't know what you've done to him, but he wouldn't give up until I agreed to meet you," his voice was bland, uninterested. 

Your mind fumbled with how to respond to that. And without thinking, you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind. "That's odd. Shuji hardly ever mentions you." 

Hanma bursted out with a loud laugh that only made the other man send him a sharp glare. "I can see you picked a volatile one," Kisaki's voice was flat as he gazed at the laminated menu.       

Hanma had to admit the little exchange only endeared him to you more. Your quick wit and unwillingness to back down made his head spin. It only confirmed that he was right to stage this little introduction because the only way you would leave this relationship is if he made that choice.

Thankfully after some smooth talking from Hanma, the tense atmosphere was lifted for the rest of the dinner. Kisaki only talked when it's about himself, and even then, he gave you very few details. But he listened intently when you spoke, watched you and took in everything, making you a bit uneasy.

It was as if he was gathering as much information as possible, planning a grand scheme in his mind with each crumb you dropped. And while Hanma played aloof, sometimes he was far from it. In this, you saw the similarities that drew these two together. The ability to analyze, intimidate, and then take prey down. 

They reminded you of the guys. Mikey, Baji, and– No. You had to get him out of your head; this wasn't the time to think about Draken. 

Dinner ended less than an hour later as Hanma guided you out of the restaurant just as he guided you in. His warm hand on the small of your back comforted you and put you at ease around the volatile Tetta Kisaki.

The three of you stood awkwardly, each waiting for one of you to extend a farewell while Hanma dug in his pockets for his cigarettes. 

You finally mustered up the courage to say goodbye as the tiny click of Hanma's lighter finally reached your ears. "Well, it was nice to meet you, Kisaki. Hopefully, we'll see each other again soon?" You couldn’t help how your voice goes up as it came out as a question, not entirely sure if you actually want to see him soon. 

"Hopefully not. I did this to make Shuji shut up and don't plan on any other outings soon," His voice was sharp as a cruel smirk met his lips. You knew he was trying to hurt you. Hanma told you he probably would. 

It's all a part of Tetta's charm, don't let him get under your skin. The words rang clearly in your head as you plastered a sweet smile.

This only caused the man in front of you to furrow his brows in confusion. Looping your arm through Hanma's free arm, you leaned into him and stared at Kisaki with large doe eyes, spinning as much sugar as possible in your voice.   

"Whatever you say, glasses, see you soon!"

You didn’t give him a moment to react or retort, spinning on your heel and taking your laughing boyfriend with you. 

After being far enough away, Hanma's giggles finally dissipated, and as he stared at you under the night sky, he couldn’t help but utter, "Fuck, I think I'm in love with you, kitten."    

taglist: @mor-pheus @lady-lunaaa @gixxie @kenryug (if you would like to be added please send me an ask!)

[deeptrashwitch]

Fury and warnings

*Kanoa (@islandtarochips OC) and Alicia are called to a reunion with some CIA agents and two other Marines. Both are confused because they weren't informed about the topic of the reunion*

Alicia: I don't like this, something feels off *mutters*

Kanoa: Yeah, mostly because we were told less than half an hour ago *frowning looking at the conference room* if something odd happens...?

Alicia: If they try to betray us, we'll be enough to get out of here one way or another

Kanoa: We are in the same page, then

*Once they walked inside, the reunion started and it was mostly a "suggestion" for them. Everything was silent when the explanation ended, but the two Captains were livid looking at the agents.*

Kanoa: What did you say? *whispers as he sighed deeply* give up our teams? Give other people the control?

Alicia: The answer is no *dead serious*

Agent 1: You still Marines, you recieve orders and-

Kanoa: *stamps his hand on the table* And you seem to forget that you aren't one of us, you have no use giving us orders

Alicia: Also, your superiors were the ones that gave my team partial autonomy from the US armed forces, just taking us as allies oficially talking *with her eyes frozen with anger* and if I'm right, the Warrior Task Force had a similar agreement regarding the Pacific Region

Kanoa: We still tied to the Marine Corps, but we only answer to General Kalani *straightens up* and speaking of, did the General give her permission for this order? Because if she did, I'd rather to talk directly with her

Alicia: I wonder the same about Station Chief Wright, if so, she owes me an explanation *raising an eyebrow, waiting*

*They both take account of the little reactions of the agents and the Marines, which seemed to have an slight shiver in response. In silence they shared a discret look, then memorized the names of each one of them.*

Alicia: You should be careful *says tilting her head with lifeless eyes* forgering superiors orders is a matter that will always be taken to court, not to mention to the high spheres of your agency. What do you think will happen when they learn about your intentions with two of the most efficient teams in the country?

Kanoa: *with his eyes filled of murderous rage* Also, you should know by now that we hate broken agreements and will always take retaliation...hmm, who do you think they'll favor the most?

Marine: A-are you threathing us? That's- *interrupts themselves with nervousness*

Alicia: Go on *hisses as she leaned, now with her face composing a rageous expression that gave them goosebumps* talk about illegal right here and right now after all this, give me a fucking excuse

Kanoa: *putting a hand over Alicia's shoulder as his eyes darkened* This reunion is over, good afternoon. Agents, gentelmen, see you soon...hopefully

*Alicia forced herself to calm down with a sigh, then both left the room without another word. While they walked, anyone in their path just got out of their way, scared of them. They didn't say anything and their expressions were blank, but the environment around them was so heavy that everyone knew it...they were this near to do something really serious.*

Kanoa: Some people really don't know when to shut the fuck up *murmurs as he takes out his phone and sends a message* Alana will be enchanted to hear about this crap

Alicia: Tell her I say hi *pinching her nose bridge with frustration* I'm sure Wraith won't tolerate this shit...and I won't hear the damned end of this

*They get into Alicia's car and they drive for some minutes in silence*

Kanoa: Wanna go for a burger?

Alicia: ...Yeah, to lighten the mood *nods*

[kai-anderson-whore]

He's a cult leader (part 8) (kai Anderson x fem reader)

Summary:y/n moved back to Michigan after her college degree in music where she reunites with an old lover kai Anderson

Warnings: murder, mass shooting, mentions of suicide

A/n: for the people who sent requests I apologise it's taken a while to write them I have been busy with college hopefully have one or two up tomorrow 😊

Part 7 here

•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•..•°˚˚°•.•¤❅¤•.•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•. .•°˚˚°

"Everyone got everything ready?" You asked shoving your black boots on your feet, "yes" everyone replied with their masks on, you shoved your clown mask under you arm as kai went over everything one last time.

"We take out Sally and if anyone else is in there they meet the same fate" he said winter and Meadow already doing their part of the plan, leaving the rest on their merry way.

The mask now over your head hopping into the van Harrison driving to Sally's house, you and kai sat together masks now off, you were humming a tune kai didn't recall, "what songs that?" He asked, he always loved your passion for music even if you never wanted to be famous it was an outlet for you something to teach the kids you worked with.

"It's something I'm sort of working on not quite finished yet" you chuckled lightly, you felt like charles manson when kai would have you sing your songs to the cult them now memorising all the words, you didn't necessarily hate it glad they actually liked the shitty songs you called them.

"It will be great your really talented" he said something you heard him say to Meadow when she showed him her art work, you gave him a small smile his hand on your thigh, "we're almost there" Harrison called everyone putting their masks on including you.

"Ready baby?" Kai asked his voice muffled from his mask, "Let's do this" you replied as the van came to a halt, one by one you all stepped out and invaded the home of kai's opponent.

Entering the home greeted with Sally holding a gun, watching us as she pointed the gun, "please one of you assholes make a move, I'm desperate to make an example of someone" she said before someone came up behind her taking the gun off her holding her mouth closed knocking her to the ground.

Kai stood above her removing his mask, you watched him as he talked "you know what the problem is with you over educated elites?".

"You overestimate your ability to control the world" "killing me isn't going to stop the march of progress" Sally stated on the ground she wasn't in fear well visibly anyway.

"Maybe but it still going to feel so fucking good" kai said looking down at her "this is a spazim in democracy your nothing but a passing fever" she yelled at kai he just grinned evilly at her.

"And your the last of the intellectuals"

"Knowing stuff has no value anymore not when the answer is sitting in my back pocket or sitting on my desk" he said walking away you held keffler down as he went over to her laptop.

"The youth has it figured out the future will be filled with beautiful idiots who just want to feel" he continues looking at the screen of Sally's laptop.

"Facebook?" He asked now his attention on the screen, "you are old" he stated clicking on god knows what, "can I please kill her" you said now annoyed at her wriggling under you, "no, no y/n too sloppy we have to send a message with Sally that the world she knows is dead" kai said now making a Facebook status on Sally's unwilling behalf.

He clicked on the keypad as he voiced what he was typing on Facebook "dear followers and friends, tonight after many long nights of careful thinking, I have come to realise something that the truths we have always held to be self evident, all men are created equal, knowledge is power, ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country, they are all bullshit the future will be guided by self interest, self promotion and narcissism, and that is a future I can not stand and so this is my suicide note" kai said finishing off the status.

"NO, NO no please" Sally begged now in full fear of her life "already getting some likes" kai shrugged nonchalant taking a swig of whatever Sally had in her mug, "nobody going to believe that" Sally said trying to get out of yours and the others grasp, "mhmm of course they will" kai said turning around to us, "it's on Facebook".

"No, no" Sally tried to get out the grasp she was under kai walked over to her, gun in hand, he looked over to you as he placed the barrel of the gun on her chest, "wanna help?" He asked with a smirk you finger on top of his on the trigger as you pulled killing Sally keffler.

You felt nothing now used to doing this with kai, you knew you hated it but did nothing too lovesick to stop that was kai's disease making his followers that loyal it's like their lovesick ivy went off to search the house, you got off keffler kai pulling your mask off grabbing you smashing his lips onto yours infront of everyone, his tongue entering your mouth in the rough make out session.

Pulling away for air you were flustered as kai wiped down anything he touched just incase, you found the blunts that were laying on the table taking them for yourself, "no y/n no drugs" kai said, you let out a huff "it's just one kai won't hurt" you said taking one anyway not listening to him.

Putting your mask back on making sure you all were unseen as you hopped in the van going back home, again sat beside kai his eyes never left you as you talked with beverly hope, about something music related, he saw the passion in your eyes as you talked about something you loved, they same way they would light up in college when you got a chance to talk about music especially your favourite artists.

"You should play tonight y/n" Gary chimed in the conversation, "Yeah why not" you chuckled glancing over at kai who smiled down at you, you felt butterfly's in your stomach everytime kai looked at you like that with that glimmer in his eyes, you were so love sick it was unbelievable.

Kai felt the same he never wanted anything or anyone to hurt you, he wanted to spend the last of his days with you even all those years ago he felt like that and still does.

...

The day of Meadows attempt to shoot kai rolls along you dreaded it you couldn't bear to see kai in a hospital again, you stood in the crowd watching kai speak to the crowd the anxiety coursing through your body shaky hands trembling lip waiting on the dreaded moment.

You couldn't even hear what kai was talking about, you head spinning then, BANG, a gunshot fired hitting a woman close by you in the head, then straight at kai's thigh, you screamed in fear running up to kai as Meadow shot away.

Ally was screaming for Meadow to stop, on the ground you holding kai sobbing your eyes out you were scared for the first time in a long time you showed your fear not caring if you were weak, you didn't know what happened next all you saw was Meadow laying dead on the ground ally swarmed by police and an ambulance coming over to you and kai.

"Please get him to the hospital" you cried out the ambulance taking kai in the back of the vehicle, you stayed by his side panicking, you didn't Say anything on the ride to the hospital your eyes fixed on kai as the paramedics checked him over.

It all was happening too fast till it felt like it went on for years in the hospital, kai was in surgery you sat in the waiting room your leg bounced in anticipation waiting on the doctor giving you an update you had called winter telling her what happened even though she knew but giving her an update whenever you got one.

"Y/n y/l/n" a doctor said coming towards you, "how is he doctor will he be okay?" you asked standing up, "he'll be fine he'll need walking sticks for a while he's lucky he could have not been able to walk with that leg again" the doctor said "can i see him?" You asked the doctor sighed "not right now he's in rest once he wakes up and we do a few more checks on him then yes you can see him" you thanked the doctor leaving them to go back to what they were doing.

'Come on winter' you thought to yourself your leg bounced in anxiety you wanted to see kai even though you were told he's fine you still couldn't help but think he's not, how could you not a few hours ago he was shot in the leg.

The doors burst open revealing winter in panic, "y/n how is he is he okay" she asked frantically you placed your hands on her shoulders in attempt to calm winter down but it didn't help, "he's fine he'll need to use a walking stick for a while his leg will be in a cast he's lucky" you reported "I'll kill him with these bright ideas what was he playing at y/n what if she missed and killed him" winter broke down crying you hugged her letting all her emotions fall.

You were crying too, "I know win I wish he wasn't like this but the bittersweet part of it is that he's fine we can see him soon they want to do more checks on him once he's awake" you sighed wiping winters tears away, "you know y/n your like the sister I never had kai's really lucky to have you, you bring out the old him even for a second but I see it in his eyes when your around it's like I have my brother back" she smiled sadly.

"Maybe I just wish he was fully like the old kai but maybe one day if he isn't dead or in prison" you sobbed wiping your tears now, your head was going 100 miles an hour you felt dizzy needing to sit down.

"Hey we'll be okay hopefully there's no more crazy plan's he's nearly got what he wants" winter said as you looked blankly at the wall, with glassy eyes, "I don't think so winter" you sighed.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I didn't know we could ask for positivity, could I maybe get some? I'm a newly found system and I'm having a very hard time accepting it. Close friends of mine have seen my switches but it always feels so fake because I can't hear anyone and have no access the inner world. I feel very alone and feel like I'm faking; I feel as if there isn't enough proof, that my trauma wasn't enough, that I'm just mimicking those I'm around

Hey, so this is a bit broad for us to confidently write a positivity post - we’re not sure exactly what you’re requesting here.

Still, hopefully we can provide you some reassurance.

Many, many newly found or discovered systems have a hard time accepting their plurality. Hell, there are many systems who have known about their plurality for years and years, who still doubt themselves from time to time. This is normal. Lots of systems struggle with this.

So many, in fact, that we’ve written a post to help folks who are dealing with denial:

If you think you’re struggling with a dissociative disorder, we think it’s worth it to mention that in these disorders many front-facing alters who interact with the world likely can’t recall much of their trauma history at first. This is how disorders like DID function - the trauma is masked, hidden, or blocked off by dissociative barriers from the ones who front day-to-day.

Our own system didn’t think we had an extensive trauma history when we had our syscovery. It’s taken a couple years of parts work and trauma processing in therapy for us to reach the understanding of our trauma history that we have today. As far as we understand, it’s actually quite common for traumatized systems to worry that what they went through “wasn’t bad enough” for them to develop a dissociative disorder as a result.

We think a common misconception about headspaces and inner worlds is that every system automatically has one, whether members can access it or not. This isn’t actually the case… for most systems (and singlets), headspaces are created through imagination and visualization. We wrote on this in the past:

Additionally if you’re questioning whether or not you have a dissociative disorder, it would be good to examine the other symptoms of these disorders besides the alters aspect. DID and OSDD are not alter disorders… they’re dissociative disorders by nature. So struggles with amnesia, depersonalization, derealization, trauma responses, lack of a sense of self, and other symptoms may be able to help clue you in to what’s going on. Our resource post for questioning systems has a bunch of links to information on dissociative disorders, going into further detail than just describing alters:

If you’re worried that you’re mimicking those you’re around, maybe try taking some time for yourself away from these folks to see if your symptoms persist. It’s true that spending time with a certain group may cause individuals to unconsciously align themselves more with the group. So spending some time away from other systems may help you better understand if you actually are a system or not.

Finally, we’ll link our post on establishing contact with headmates. If you do have a dissociative disorder, your alters might be unable to contact you due to dissociative barriers. So spending time slowly and gradually attempting communication might be useful for you:

We think regular therapy sessions with a therapist who helps you feel safe, comfortable, and secure can be immensely beneficial with this process. We owe so much of our healing and progress towards recovery to our therapist. So if you have a therapist who you know and trust, we cannot stress enough the potential benefits of discussing this with them.

Sorry for the long post… we hope this helps you, though. Try not to stress too much about this stuff and take things slowly. No need to rush to conclusions about yourself before you’re ready.

💫 Parker and 🐢 Kip

[hxllishrebuke]

I've tried to stay out of this whole mess for a long time, but everything's kind of come to a head, and I think it's come time for me to say something.

Concerning Loke, as of about 5 minutes ago, we are no longer friends. I'm not on speaking terms with them. I took this long because I wasn't directly involved, but that went out the window because of Legend, and i noticed that another couple of friends of mine said something. I don't usually pay attention much to this blog, I really only checked it when Loke said something. And im coming here and putting myself out there because I got sick of questioning where my safe spaces were and who I could trust.

Concerning Legend and the whole situation, the fault for that isn't solely on me. Our interactions were MUTUALLY toxic, our muses didn't click well, and despite consistent attempts to try clearing things up out of character, it never worked out. My biggest issue that I had was that it seemed that all of his muses held grudges against other muns, and he used his characters to take it out on other people in character and try to hide behind them and use it as an excuse to be a bully. There were multiple cases of his muses vagueposting about other muns' muses, cases of his muses repetetively jabbing at other muses, and it wasn't fun to rp with him in the slightest. I get it. Not everything is all sunshine and rainbows. I never asked for it to be. It wasn't about "I can't tell the difference between ic and ooc." it was the fact that he didn't just bully me in and out of character. He also bullied several others. Which had been brought to Toastie. And in response we were all told not to interact in the server. Several attempts had been made to apologize and try to work it out, but he wasn't at all interested, and for the sake of us both, I blocked him, and I left the server. I have no intentions of contacting Legend again because I doubt we'd get along. But the abuse was not one-sided. He wasn't nice to me either. I regret handling it as poorly as I did, but being painted as the sole abuser in this situation is false, and I wanted my side to be heard.

As for the mentioning of my vagueposting, I don't know where that came from. The only post I made on my blog was the new rule of unfollowing people who post about drama, and that wasn't at all aimed at anyone. I had unfollowed five or six people prior to making that post, and I wanted to make it known to my other mutuals that I don't really partake in drama. Anything else involving vaguing was me asking around Discord to try and figure out what was going on.

I'm no longer friends with Toastie, or Loke, or Legend.

That's my side of everything. And thats all I really have to say about it. I just want to be done with this and left alone.

Noting this and hoping you find your safe spaces. I was only told you were vaguing in places about the situation. Perhaps it was somewhere on discord? But any vague can be taken any way so it just happens like that.

Wishing you well on your recovery and will be posting as is.

Thank you for coming forward. Have a hopefully better day/night/tomorrow.

[purrpickle]

Honestly, and I mentioned this in another post, but Tee, Jim, and Kade's plan of making Sam jealous to keep Mon and not fire her, made everything so much worse.

Maybe Sam would have changed her mind on her own, but we can't know that for sure.

Instead, that jealousy fueled reversal is what caused Sam's whiplash and absolute further shutdown when telling Mon she had changed her mind. We see that in Sam's flashback to Tee telling her that she would never let Mon leave her company.

I mean, c'mon, Tee, Kade, and Jim! You know your friend! You think someone who grew up under such trauma and forced repression is going to react well and balanced to having the woman she's obviously fallen for so easily taken away and pursued by someone else? Especially since you already know Sam thinks Tee actually likes her?

Look, I'm not saying Sam's reaction was okay, at all. I've already discussed that in my other post. It was absolutely not okay. But what I am saying is that the outward backlash caused by Sam's internal emotionally and angrily panicked reversal of Mon's firing (because if she went through with it, Tee would swoop in and date her when what Sam wanted was to fire her so she could date her), along with her complete shutdown and inability to open up or realize she should or even could talk to Mon about her reasons or why she so suddenly looked like she was just so easily changing her mind and that the firing didn't matter at all - when it really had! It really, really had! Just for horribly stunted and selfish reasons - was fueled so much more by her friends' actions.

Sam had had her plan: fire Mon so they could date. She'd spent two days pushing everything down to come up with her plan, and had set it into motion, pushing everything else away and shutting down until it came into fruition.

And then, in the span of ten minutes, she'd had her plan, her desire for being with Mon, and Mon herself threatened to be taken away from her, all wrapped all up in an oh so casual insulting insinuation of Sam's ability to run her company being lesser than Tee's if she lets Mon go: "It's my company. I can fire anyone I want," versus "If Mon worked for me, I'd never let her go," and Tee would "...take care of her properly," along with Jim and Kade's absolute fawning over Tee's company as well.

So in one fell swoop, Tee and Jim and Kade threatened Sam's pride, her ability as CEO of Diversity, her decisions on how to somehow get her life in an order so she could live with it in a way that finally let her have something she desired (after running away from a proposal from Kirk, even!), her feelings for Mon, and her hoped for future with Mon.

So now, after having built up her walls for Mon's firing in two days, Sam only had an evening to prepare for her emotionally tailspinning reversed decision, so forcefully shoved at her by her friends.

A decision that meant she couldn't date Mon anymore.

But also meant it would hopefully stop Mon from dating Tee and that she wouldn't be working for her.

That meant Sam would see Mon every day and be unable to do anything about it or explore the relationship she wanted with her now that her feelings were known to her.

But also meant she would still be able to see Mon every day and get to be around her.

That meant Sam's desires would be taken away from her again.

That meant Sam would have to marry Kirk anyway.

That meant all the good things Sam finally let herself feel and pursue and hope for and start to build with Mon didn't matter anymore and would never go anywhere.

Really, that meant that to keep Mon, she was now going to lose Mon.

...

And the worst part is, you see all of that overwhelming conflict on Sam's face in the scene in her office!

You see her spiral of destroyed plans hammered over with quickly thrown up walls as she stays away from looking at Mon and keeps herself moving and looking at anything else so the tears fighting to come out don't and pushes pushes pushes for Mon to drop it and go back to work so Sam doesn't have to show her her own horribly torn apart heart.

I've already covered that it doesn't occur to Sam that she can talk to Mon (or anyone), or that she should talk to Mon (or anyone), which makes her shutdown so much worse. She wants Mon out of there. She can't be around her, so her only way to get through this is to tell Mon she changed her mind and to go back to work.

And it's not like Sam doesn't see the hurt she's doing to Mon, or doesn't care about it. She does! You watch her react, in her expressions and in her eyes and body movements, but Sam honestly cannot do anything, at that moment, about it. Because everything is roiling around in her brain and she's overwhelmed and stressed and does what she's learned to do: become cold, dismissive, and shut down.

So yes. Sam was already mentally exhausted before meeting with her friends, but afterwards, they tore her plan apart and she was left reeling and angry and now had to pivot and treat the serious decision of firing Mon and pushing her away as trivial and without consequence.

Which was wrong. Absolutely wrong. I say Sam had to change her plan, but I do truly mean she ultimately chose to reverse the firing - Sam is still one hundred percent culpable here!

This post isn't about trying to excuse Sam. No, it's about further getting into her actions and how good intentions spiraled into terrible reactions, and how there was more behind Sam's coldness and cruelty than just her ignoring Mon or belittling her or changing her mind 'because she could'. And as I have said before, I hope the show moves forward with letting Sam learn and heal and work through her trauma and issues, and makes her be responsible for her actions.

And that maybe Tee, Jim, and Kade stop trying to make her jealous now that she's started dating Mon. I love them, but they absolutely misstepped here.

[of-thieves-and-witches]

Spring

A/N: not proof read. hopefully will be before it goes up on ao3.

_______________________________________

" And that brings us to the end of the campus tour, hope you liked it. Registration forms are at the administration office for those interesting in applying to the Galvan Academy of Intergalactic Sciences. Hope to see you at the spring semester" the tiny little voices echoed cheerfully in harmony from all 5 mouths of the blue campus tour guide.

The group thanked her and then dispersed into various directions, with our dark haired osmosian being dragged away by his girl towards the main building.

"Woah G slow down, where's the fire?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, " the sooner we fill that form , the better the impression it leaves. The better the impression, the more likely you get in" she said as she almost sprinted towards the 50 foot giant metallic doors.

Kevin smirked. Leave it to his girl to get excited over school, though deep down he had to admit, he was a little excited too.

This wasn't just any school , it was THE Galvan Academy. Founded by Azmuth's grandparent's, this was one of the most prestigious universities in the milky way. Anyone who was anyone went here , in fact it was an honor to even be allowed on to the campus itself.

When he first received the letter at his garage a few days ago he automatically tossed it on to the plastic chair, assuming it was another one of Ben's fanmail.

It was Gwen who brought it to his attention when she came over later that evening that it was addressed to him from the academy

" TGA huh? So Ben's getting honorary doctorate or something?"

" This isn't for Ben , it's for you"

Kevin was slightly taken aback, his initial thoughts racing to recall if he'd ever stolen or committed some crime regarding the institution. Nothing came to mind. So if he wasn't in trouble , why would they have sent him a letter?

" it says Azmuth has recommended your name to join from the Spring semester and they'd love to have you visit the campus to consider an official admission. " she almost shrieked as his eyes widened.

Him? Why him?

He's not the super famous hero, Ben is. He's not the super book smart academic , Gwen is.

Why would anyone recommend him?

" are you sure it is isn't for one of you guys? "

" it literally says congratulations dear Kevin Ethan Levin on having been chosen as an honorary recruit to the spring semester. It can't get any clearer than that. Now get up, we need to pack ASAP if want to make it to Galvaria by Tuesday. Oooh and we'll need to get some formals for you"

Kevin was dumbfounded at the thought of it all. So dumbfounded that he didn't even complain when Gwen made him buy sweater vests and khakhis.

Upon reaching the foot of the wide stairs he pulled, resulting in gwen smacking into his chest due to the abrupt halt.

" G what makes you think I even want to go here?"

Gwen raised her eyebrows at him.

" wha...what? Do you even know where we are right now? babe this is where the weapon master's come to learn. This...this is all we've talked about for past 3 days!"

He shook his head. " No this is all you've talked about for the past 3 days. I haven't said anything"

She looked at him in disbelief. That can't be true. However now that she thought about it, she realized she truly was the only one of them who'd actually shown any enthusiasm, the one of them who'd been dragging them through every nook and cranny of the institution openly gawking at all the machinery and facilities.

Kevin for the most part simply walked beside her giving the occasional woah whenever some high level tech was mentioned.

"come on" She grabbed his hand and began pulling him again, this time away from the building and towards the giant fountain of Azmuth spewing water out of his head.

He quietly followed her as they sat on the cool granite in front of the statue.

" babe " she sighed " I'm sorry, I should've known something was up when you agreed to buy those dress shoes. I just ... I don't know. This is a huge deal and I'm sorry I got carried away"

Kevin stared at the all the aliens buzzing around the courtyard, some rushing with piles of books to their next class and some showing off their end of semester projects. This could be him next semester , if he decided that is.

" It's been a while since I went to school you know. And the last time I was there, I didn't really have the best time"

Gwen gave a soft squeeze to his hand.

" I know" she said softly. " But you've grown so much since. You're smart and funny, you got your roguish charm" he smirked as she gave him a little nudge.

" kev you'll be fine. And i'll be right here if you need anything", she reassured.

His smirk dropped.

Truth be told , while he was nervous about going back to school, it wasn't exactly the number one thing that made him apprehensive about this whole situation.

" G, you know this is a 2 year degree, not including further specialization and the compulsory year long work I'm supposed to do with Azmuth. I'm gonna have to stay out here for 5 years atleast. And I know you can't just drop everything at Freidkin and ...." he trailed off.

He didn't even want to say it out loud.

The anodite looked down at her hands and fumbled with her fingers.

" I know" she whispered. She wasn't stupid, she knew what followed if Kevin went here.

They sat in silence, just staring at the ground for a while, neither of them wanting to confront the truth that loomed over them.

" Gwen , I ca.. I don't want to lose you" he whispered. "5 years is a long time. Things change , people.. change"

Their own relationship was a testament of the fact.

She turned and grabbed his face in her hands, her thumb slowly stroking his cheek. She looked into his dark eyes, the eyes that become her home over the past few years.

" I can't even begin to imagine not being you okay? But I can't take this amazing opportunity away from you, you deserve to be happy Kev"

" you make me happy gwen"

" I know , but that's not enough. You're worthy of so much more. You deserve a chance to be great."

He looked away from her, trying to avoid eye contact.

" so you're going to let me go, just like that?" he said quietly.

She placed her head on his shoulder, his arm instinctively wrapping around her like it'd done a million times over.

" yes, even if it feels like my heart's being ripped out of my chest. I love you too much to keep you around. "

He sighed. " 5 years is a long time you know. A lot can happen"

This wasn't going to be easy , it never is when it comes down to the one you love. Kevin was right, 5 years was a terribly long time to be away from the one who's the reason your heart flutters, but this wasn't the time for mere feelings.

" 5 or 500 , I'm not going anywhere" it was true, regardless of what the future held for their relationship , there was one thing she knew for sure. She was never going to stop loving him.

He kissed the top of her as she snuggled closer. It was an interesting emotion Kevin felt at the moment. A mix of excitement of knowing he'd have a chance of becoming something great whilst feeling grief over losing someone he considered was his whole world.

Kevin turned around and looked up at the Azmuth statue. He wondered why he had recommended him in the first place. Besides from a few interactions, always regarding Ben, they hadn't really talked or bonded in any way, at least not enough for him to consider him to for anything as prestigious as this. Then again he never did understand most things the little green frog spoke or did.

" hey G, is the water coming out of his head supposed to represent his brains?"

Gwen looked up with him, " huh ,I guess so "

"Weird"

_______________________________________________________

A/N: yes , they break up. I've always headcanoned they do. not because they hate each other because personally i feel like kevin deserves a chance to make something of himself besides just following gwen around. He's got the potential. and azmuth noticed that as well.

But fear not, they do get back together at the end of the 5 years. :))