#hormonal rant

[grizzlyofthesea]

While I'm still hyperfixating on Vocaloid and other vocal synths, I just want to rant about something.

See this YouTube thumbnail?

This thumbnail exemplifies a trend in the vocal synth community that really bothers me.

I get that SynthV has some amazing, realistic outputs. I understand that VOCALOID6 was disappointing to some people, especially those who like hyper-realistic vocal synths. However, I think this approach to criticizing VOCALOID (and other software by extension) comes off as unnecessarily combative.

There is certainly fair criticism of VOCALOID6 that should be discussed (looking at you, Vocalo-Changer), but it veers into more personal territory when you start pitting the mascots against each other. I get that this is often done as a joke, and it can be funny when executed well. It's just that some people also use this as a semi-serious way to promote their software of choice/disparage others. It's not the be-all end-all of annoying fandom behavior, but it gets under my skin nonetheless.

There's also a very small but very loud minority who will straight-up call you stupid if you like anything other than their preferred software. No one likes those people. The person who made this thumbnail is not part of that group, and I don't think they intend to start any serious drama. They're just trying to get views for their video. Please don't attack them.

I guess my larger point is, no one should feel like they're being mocked for their preferred vocal synth software. Each one has its unique strengths and weaknesses. It's okay to have your preferences, and it's okay (heck, more than okay) to criticize/want better of corporations and their products. It's just not fun when this criticism turns inflammatory toward fans of these products, who are not the original targets.

That's all.

[kryptidkhaos]

Keep the lights on or put food in the fridge? Help us not have to decide.

Our last two paychecks lined up real bad with the holidays and got massively delayed in depositing. You know what didn't get delayed at all? Any of our bills drafting out of the bank! 🙃

So thanks to "fuck you for being poor" overdraft fees for bills that should have been covered, we lost nearly $500 to overdraft fees.

That's our grocery budget for the entire month, much less just this two week pay period, and it's left us short on utilities. 3 out of 4 of us have doctor appointments this month and prescriptions that need refilled.

We're kinda screwed. It's especially upsetting on top of everything else because I'd done a lot of very careful and tight budgeting before the New Year, and I had a sliver of hope in me that we might be able to at least get through a few months of 2024 without having to beg for help. All that's being helping me cope with this situation is the reminder that I've done my best and capitalism actively wants to punish me for existing.

If you'd like to help four disabled trans people stay warm and fed, it would means the world to me. If you have nothing to give, please reblog this post to give us a wider net.

p@ypal.me/chaosqueer

v3nmo: @chaosqueer

c@shapp: @chaosqueer

[seospicybin]

So guys, today is my birthday 🎂🎈

Just the other day, I had this sad thought that as I grow older, I realize that I won't always be able to do the things that I like because life happens, passion fades and at one point, you grow out of things.

Maybe, just maybe one day it'd come the time that I won't be able to write fics anymore and the fact that I got sad thinking about it means that I still love writing.

So while I still have time, while I'm still passionate about writing and love doing it, and more importantly, while there are people who is willing to read them, I'll keep on writing with this sadness and the joy that I get from it.

There were times where I felt so deeply insecure about my writings and questioning myself whether I should just quit, but now, I am more sure than ever that I want to stay.

I also want to use this opportunity to say thank you to each and everyone of you who gave my writings a chance, for the support and for sending me all kinds of feedback. I know that I don't take much fuss about the number of engagements on my writings but if no one is reading it & interacting with it, I would have deleted this account and stop writing altogether.

So thank you for making me stay and making me want to write more, please know that I appreciate you so much 🥺💞

(Ugh, I didn't mean to make it sad and ngl, I'm tearing up as I'm typing this 😭😭😭)

When I decided to open this account, I didn't even dare to dream that there would be people reading my stuff but looking back, I can see how much I've achieved and I'm forever grateful for taking the decision to share my writings. There were good days, there were bad days and there'll be more of them in the future but that's makes the journey much more fun, right? Can't wait to see how far I'll go. I guess, we'll see. 😊

This account has been my safe space for almost three years now so my only wish is that you feel safe in this space too.

Anyway, I'm sorry for wasting your time with my sad little rant but once again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Sending you much love and warm hugs ❤️🫂

Oh, and if you want to treat me coffee on my birthday, I'd really appreciate it! 🥰

[perfidious-prophet]

The fucking things they dont tell you when you fucking start Testosterone.

Yeah, everybody knows about the deeper voice and the dreaded asshair, but these were my unfunny little surprises after 3 months on T. Reminder that shit will always vary from person to person because we're not all clones of each other, whatever.

1. Bottom growth fucking hurts. Sometimes I don't want to wear pants. I knew it would happen, didn't know it'd be so uncomfortable. And it starts fast. Like first dose fast.

2. The irritability goes fucking CRAZY it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I get why dudes punch walls. Oh my god. I know how to keep my anger wraps, but holy shit.

3. On the topic of PMSing. I had temporary worsening of menstrual cramps. Jesus fuck. I was having pain before menstruation started for days, and sometimes just randomly. I hope it doesn't flare up, but it seems to be calming down now. I think my body is freaking out over weird hormone levels.

4. Vocal fatigue. Talking hurts. I expected voice cracks, obviously, but why the fuck does this shit hurt? I don't even want to talk that much anymore. My voice just gives out. It's still deepening, so a win is a win, I guess.

5. Apathy, emptiness, anhedonia, and numbness. My motivation has tanked. I don't fucking care anymore. I just want people to leave me alone so I can take a nap. I already had mental issues before starting T, and I don't think T gave this to me, but it's definitely changed how I feel my mental illnesses. I have to like relearn how to cope and shit. I don't recommend starting hormones if you're an emotionally unstable dumbass like myself. This is literally second puberty, mood swings and teen angst included. I am a volatile, angry little man.

6. Anxiety. Like I said, teen angst. My panic attacks now include intense nausea, which is New and Uncool. Dunno why that happened. But I'm just nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. I consistently feel like I've forgotten to do homework. I am not even in school anymore. Rad!

7. Psychosis? I had my first intense psychotic break at 14. It lasted 6 months, give or take. I've had shorter episodes on and off since then. My symptoms are stress based. The emotional strain is, naturally, pushing me towards the edge again. I am sure I will explode brilliantly and violently within the weeks to come.

8. Male loneliness is real dudes. Have friends.

9. It's harder to mask. I've been periodically going mute again. I'd never really stopped, but it's more frequent now.

Anyway that's my rant I think.

I'm not telling you not to do hormones. I'm not your dad. But it's not fucking easy. Anyway I have no intention of stopping. I am thuggin that shit out. I had a really really tough time during first puberty, and I suspect I'm going to have issues the second time around.

I am happy with the changes I am experiencing physically. I still feel confident and sure of my identity as a trans man. I am just not very happy about losing control over my mental state again. We'll see how it goes. If I'm lucky, I'll get medicated. I can't afford a therapist right now.

Good luck out there, whoever you are.

[dootznbootz]

Which Greek mythology character would you like to see talked about more?

OHoho. you all already know this.

It's Penelope.

And I am being so fucking serious about it. I'm also sleepy and angry and mother nature is stabbing my gut so I'm putting a lot of my emotions into this ask.

BUT her fangirling, angry, bitchy rant of mine, I will save for the end. (and I'll explain it more down there) Not gonna lie, I will probably be mean. Don't take it too personally. (Some folks I know genuinely love her and have stuff for her. Y'all are fine :D )

I have many other characters I wish would be seen more, but hers rant is ooooh. it's been boiling angrily for a long time and this is the perfect ask to let loose.

Take note: This is more about characters who I feel are either underrated and/or not really given love. It's a whole other can of worms about characters who ARE given a lot of attention but are either fandomized to the point of being unrecognizable or people just...really see them wrong.

Ariadne:

A young princess who helped out Theseus to end the cycle of violence against the youth of Athens. Despite the fact that she was going against her family by helping Theseus she did. When he left her, for whatever reason, she was rescued by Dionysus. In which these two have a loving and healthy marriage. There is so much potential here and it makes me sad that she gets butchered and/or just ignored.

Danae:

She was locked up by her father because of a prophecy that happened anyway. She is now pregnant with Zeus' child. She is then locked into a chest in which she is sent floating in the sea. She washes up on Seriphos. Her son is sent on an impossible quest in order to keep her from a forced marriage. Her story is inspiring and ugh sdkf j badass mama! ;~;

Telemachus:

Got that right here :)

Sthenelus:

Fucking love this lil hotheaded cheerleader man. Go boy, go! He got yeeted by Athena from the chariot. Diomedes and him tell each other that they love each other. Tells off Agamemnon for mocking Diomedes' and his dad. He was a child soldier alongside Diomedes. I love this weird lil guy.

Hephaestus:

It makes me sad how people only see him as the "cuck" of Aphrodite and Ares. (no hate to them. do not hate either of them) He's badass in his own right! He does that bigass fire in the Iliad! And one of my favorite scenes in that epic, is him welcoming Thetis! I think he's neat :D

Hebe:

Ganymede isn't the only cupbearer on Olympus you know.

Menelaus:

I love me a goofy wifeman...But if that's all you see him as, I'm sad. What about the sealy man? (aka him wrestling a god for a while and making him tell him answers) The exiled prince? The younger brother? The angry charioteer who yelled at Antilochus? The man who interfered with his brother's letter to his wife to warn to not bring their daughter? Being the sweet uncle figure for Telemachus? (he and Penelope get a lot of the same treatment in a way. with the whole "just the spouse" ;~; )

Psyche:

I think she's pretty popular, but shout out to her anyway :D Because I love her story a lot.

And last but absolutely not least,

Penelope

Heads up once more, but I'm going to be so fucking mean right now. I'm very tired and runnin on 4 hours of sleep and my tummy hurts. This is all over the place and I'm sad.

I think some of you treat the fact that Odysseus is (rightfully) obsessed with her and adores her as if that's HER personality trait... as while it's adorable to see him simping over her as he does, she's not just there for him (and me) to simp for. In the same vein, I think some of y'all only see her for her love of Odysseus and nothing more. Some folks don't see her as anything more than what she is for Odysseus.

AS IF HER HUSBAND ISN'T JUST AS INTERTWINED WITH HER AS SHE IS WITH HIM!

And yet, there is so much stuff with him about the other people in his life. The other Achaeans, Polites and Eurylochus, Athena, etc. You know Penelope has people in her life other than her husband and her son, right?

Even stuff that's just her, it's usually her weaving the shroud...That still ties back to Odysseus. If you wanna have her weave, maybe have her weave something happily. Maybe her chatting with Anticlea or Athena while she does! Or Helen! or her sister!

There's the saying of "the characters respect women but the author does not" and I'm noticing that a LOT in this fandom. I don't think it's intentional, but it's very telling with what people prioritize in their creations how they feel. (and no, I'm not talking about Homer. He wrote incredible women.)

I'm not saying you're not allowed to have favorites. But even if Odysseus IS your favorite, if you have Penelope so one note or with such weak characterization while having so much for Odysseus, FOR THE MEN WHO HE IS NEAR... It's just really telling.

I've even seen some shit with "Well, there's not much to do with her." as if y'all don't make OCs with less. I've seen people give Astyanax, an AU baby, more characterization than her. (Have him alive in your AUs but if you give him more character than Peenlope, I am side-eying you so hard.)

It genuinely pisses me off how overlooked she is. I hate how her tags are basically empty (honestly? I might start tagging my silliness for her correctly because it has so lil.)

Hey, why do followers of the other tags show up but not for #penelope of ithaca? It's clearly because she has SO many followers/fans that she broke tumblr! Especially with the fact that you can scroll all the way to the bottom pretty quickly! /sarcasm

(btw, before you say something, I know there's no consistent tag for Penelope. I follow many of them. #penelope odyssey is kind of the best bet I believe. #penelope of sparta is mostly about that new show that's coming out and hyping about it. still not about HER. #penelope mostly has some bridgerton character. so yeah. Not much on tumblr)

(shoutout to the artists who got their art on front of the tag! That's exciting! I'm being a mean bitch right now but that's fun and exciting!)

I hate how people see her as so one-note. I hate how she's often just "Odysseus' wife". MOST CONTENT OF HER IS HIM SIMPING OVER HER. (that's something I'm guilty of too! I plan to fix that soon. I have so many wips and so lil time and too high of personal standards because since she has so little content of her, I WILL make it good. I'll TRY to make it good.)

EVEN HEADCANONS! SO MUCH OF FANDOM STILL ONLY HAS HEADCANONS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ODYSSEUS OR TELEMACHUS. GIVE ME SOMETHING ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD. GIVE ME LIL QUIRKS SHE HAS. What does she struggle with? What's her favorite color? Does she like dancing? ANYTHING.

Feelings about how fandom sees her are also summed up by this and this.

...Do you see my problem? Just one of my problems?

So many people genuinely read the Odyssey and just see her as the "crying wife". People diminish her character and her intelligence all the fucking time. You wanna know something I've noticed? PEOPLE ONLY TALK ABOUT HER INTELLIGENCE WHEN ODYSSEUS IS THERE. Like with how she tricks him and how she tricks the suitors. Nobody talks about the moment when Athena appears as her sister in her dream and she is immediately like "hey, if you're some god, is my husband still alive?" she clocks her as Athena RIGHT AWAY.

People constantly forget her violent thoughts against the suitors! Or when she sasses Telemachus and Euryclea. When she scolds and threatens the maids. (she's not always nice y'all!) Do you really think Odysseus would be obsessed with someone who isn't on his level?

We all know that he loves her. BUT WHY?! "Because she's smart like him." Yeah, we know. WHAT ELSE?

They are Likeminded! Thinking and acting alike! You know how fun that is?!

Homer, you absolute mad lad genius. You made her a mystery to the narrator, Odysseus, and for some reason, people see that as her just being a straight up mystery. You wrote her so wonderfully and so complex with how she is so sneaky in her own way that people are literally tricked by her as readers as well!

Or sadly, more likely, people fucking blackout when she's in the scene and there's no Odysseus. 🙄

Look, even if you have Penelope be the "braincell" who keeps her husband in line, MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT ACTING LIKE ODYSSEUS' FUCKING MOM. They're both grown ass adults for fuck's sake!

Also...please...PLEASE have her be more than a prop for the men around her. I've read some things that could literally have her be replaced by Euryclea, as Penelope is sometimes just used as a sounding board.

I'll be even more bitchier. Even in the OT3 she's commonly in. It wasn't a NOTP until I noticed most creations of that ship was just "Odysseus and this person for 6000+ words... Oh, and Penelope making an appearance in the footnotes." If it's an OT3, they all love each other right? Where's the PenDio fics/art, cowards?

I have a weird theory about how people treat her that way. (other than fandom prioritizing men)

So there's "girlbossing" and "uwu sad victim" that fandom can never seem to leave. I think People do this with Helen and Clytemnestra and that's why THEY are "blorbo-able". (not saying they shouldn't be but they definitely get more love than Penelope)

Helen, despite not always being a victim in her story, has been through so much. Kidnapped and some people blame her for it (irl and some people in canon do blame the war on her). Very easy to cling to. I cling to her too! (she's on the "UwU always victim. tragic blorbo" end)

Clytemnestra, is a victim in the sense that she's a grieving and angry mother and wife. And so she killed Agamemnon. Her violence and anger is seen as "girlboss" despite all the horrible stuff she also did to her children. (she's more on the "girlboss" end)

Penelope, is not a victim to the same degree as Helen nor does she murder anyone (how could she? it was 108 people against her and the Odyssey shows that the suitors' parents were enraged. Even Odysseus was skeptical he could beat them.)

She's not on either end of the "scales" for people to find her "blorbo-able". She doesn't murder her husband or the suitors by herself or is a victim to them in the same way Helen is.

And that's just for people who know her husband didn't cheat. I think with people who think Odysseus did cheat, they hate her because "she let it slide". That she's "weakwilled" for knowing her husband went through literal hell and wanting him to be happy and safe.

Idk, It's a little lonely being one of the few "Penelope crazy" blogs.

I sometimes wonder if people kind of come to my blog in a "Hey, can you love her for me? Can you think about her for us?" as I have seen very little on her childhood for example. It's STILL mostly in relation to others.

It's not even the "sharing ideas" that bugs me. it's the feeling of people not wanting to come up with headcanons/ideas for her OUTSIDE of canon.

"She was in Helen's shadow." Okay, well, how did she feel about it? What did she do about it? Did she hide away? Did she internalize that? Did she find that freeing? To not be the center of attention?

Stuff like that. Dive DEEPER. PLEASE

It makes me happy that people love my Penelope as I love her too, clearly. But I really fucking hope you love the CANON Penelope too. If you think I made Penelope "better" or anything like that, then leave. She's already fantastic on her own.

I want to talk about her more. I want her to be seen more.

[littleplantfreak]

how to let my friends know i love them and am always thinking about them without seeming crazy clingy 🧎‍♀️

[mejomonster]

I need to find someone who worded this better but. This is your friendly reminder that a woman can be as masculine as she wants. A man can be as feminine as he wants. A nonbinary person can be feminine and masculine and androgynous and whatever they want: everyone can! Your expression and appearance and hobbies etc do not have to conform within a box to be allowed to exist, do not have to match those rigid lines of societys expectation of gender roles in any way at all for you to Be the Gender you Are. You are the gender you feel you are. Your expression can be and is whatever you want, and does not have to match up to expectations.

[neproxrezi]

found a much nicer fitting bra thats more my size, yippee (puts on my biggest loosest hoodie so nobody will ever get to know about this but me)

[cynical-things]

I had a call with my gp today and I am like “the meds I take for my acne fuck with my periods so I am bleeding so often” and she’s like “okay then stop the meds” and then I’m like “but the acne will come back. Can you refer me to a dermatologist in the meantime then and I will keep taking the meds until I see a derm” and then she says “no. You have to stop the meds, your skin has to flare up, then take a pic, then we can refer you to a derm”. Like ???? Huh???? So then I can be on a years waiting list with bad skin to then probs be told to go back on these meds bc I can’t take roaccutane bc I am too mentally ill for that

[pink-pkmn-trainer]

i hope ace's mom wont make her delete her tumblr :(

i would be very sad if that happens

YEAH I KNOW I PROBABLY WON'T EVEN SLEEP TONIGHT I'M SO WORRIED THAT I'LL NEVER GET TO TALK TO HER AGAIN AND I THINK I'M OVERREACTING BUT I CANT STOP FREAKING OUT WHICH I GUESS IS PRETTY OBVIOUS SINCE I'M REBLOGGING SO MUCH OF THEIR STUFF BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO LOVEBOMB HER ONE LAST TIME BEFORE SHE'S GONE FOR GOOD AND EVEN AT THE END OF IT ALL I STILL FEEL LIKE I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM AND I DON'T SEE A SINGLE FLAW IN HER BUT I DON'T THINK SHE'D BELIEVE ME IF I SAID IT EVEN THOUGH IT'S TRUE AND I LOVE HER AND I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW HAPPY THEY MADE ME!!!!

[petpetpinixy]

saw someone saying that trans people who haven't/won't medically transition are a danger to the community. never heard that one before

[incorrect-primarchs-quotes]

HonestlyYYYY!! Though now you intimidate me more, you're clearly a big league pharmacist. I just took a summer class to be a techie.

Though like the rude customers are both understandable (miserable, pain, feel icky) but also not because du d e it's not our fault the doctor did the wrong stuff

Don't be afraid, I'm really just tired or confused all the time😭

But yes, I've became kind of sus(?) of doctors now. I have a lot of things I could tell, like when this newly appointed doctor gave her first med to her own grandma - which is a family's friend - and I turned pale after hearing what drug she gave her.

[bobfloydsbabe]

My anxiety is through the roof tonight, and I honestly love this for me. Shortness of breath and a stomach ache? Just what I wanted.

[dinosaurcharcuterie]

If anyone wants to know how my day is going, I had a gynecologist repeatedly tell me he is not qualified to treat issues entirely to do with the human menstrual cycle.

He was visibly and audibly panicking about my least alarming diagnosis while doing so. He had absolutely zero idea how it is managed, and didn't bill me because he thought it was a "learning experience" for him.

For me, it was not getting medical care I need to receive in the next 5 weeks and being told to go to my usual gyno (not trained in the procedure, scared to learn) or my endo (not trained in the procedure, already said it's my gyno's job two years ago, impossible to get an appointment with within 3 months unless you're dying).

It also doesn't help that I have to give him points for not having to google the diagnosis mid-exam, because three separate other physicians managed to lower the bar that far.

[wilhemslog]

I partially regret reading some Gravity Falls fanfic.

Only partially cause one I found was actually super cute only 409 words but it was kinda cute.

\-> only kinda cause Ford got frozen and turned into a decoration lmaoooo.

[worm-in-a-trenchcoat]

Trying to “justify” why you’re having a meltdown over something “small” should be an Olympic sport.