#how both my parents already accepted i want to explore the world

[alasy]

in the end it’s all about my mom saying “I wish all your dreams come true, even those that include you going far away because despite it all our hearts will always remain close”

[ninadove]

hi!

i’m so sorry if you’ve already made a post or answered an ask like this before, but i remember you saying a couple times how the lovesquare is queer-coded.

i think that’s such an interesting observation, and i was wondering if you’d be willing to elaborate on that a little more?

i’d love to hear your thoughts!! and thank you for taking the time to read this. :)

Absolutely Anon! Thanks for dropping by! ❤️🖤

I’m sure there are a lot of wonderful, more complete posts on the topic out there — my Sentikids tunnel vision means I don’t always grant other characters/relationships the attention they deserve. That being said, here are some things that popped into my head:

1. Secret identities

You know ‘em, you love ‘em. Secret identities are the core of the show — the very reason the Love Square is a square! Hiding part or the entirety of who you are for safety reasons is a theme most queer people unfortunately relate to, and the great thing is that we get two very different perspectives on the matter from our two protagonists.

For Adrien, Chat Noir means freedom: being away from his father’s grasp (read: from a power structure that tries to sculpt him into something perfect and bland — more on that later) allows him to become bolder, funnier, more like himself or at least more like the person he wants to be — which very prominently features being in love with Ladybug, aka exploring romantic connections outside of Kagami, the only acceptable option for Adrien.

And yet… Chat Noir is also something dangerous. When Chat Noir gets rejected, Adrien tries to renounce his Miraculous, aka to bury this part of himself as far down as possible; when Chat Noir gets unmasked by Ladybug, the object of his affections, IT’S THE LITERAL END THE WORLD (twice and a half now). There’s an entire post to be made about Cat Walker and Aspik and Adrien folding himself into what he thinks Ladybug’s perfect partner should be.

The point is: Adrien being himself puts him (and the people he loves) in harm’s way, both emotionally and physically. You see the themes, I see the themes, we cry together and hold hands.

Marinette, on the other hand, fucking hates being Ladybug for most of the series. She wants to be a normal girl (!) with a normal life (!!) and it’s just not happening. The reason? There’s something about her that no one knows yet (!!!) ‘cause she has a secret (!!!!).

If anything, being Ladybug keeps getting in the way of her romantic shenanigans: she can’t be with Adrien/Chat Noir because Apocalypse, she can’t be with Cat Walker because her Lucky Charm doesn’t like him, she can’t be with Luka because she has to lie all the time! Not only that, it endangers her friendships as well, as seen in The Gang of Secrets. Look at the wording of her talk with Alya in this episode:

“I won’t try to figure it out our force it out of you. If you can’t tell me what’s in your heart… it’s your right.”

“Will we still be friends?”

“Marinette, I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be. That’s why it kills me that I can’t help you with whatever’s making you feel so alone.”

[…] “You know why I broke up with Luka? Not because I don’t like him! He’s amazing! It’s because there’s something that I can’t tell him. You know why I have to forget Adrien? For the exact same reason. You’re right! I keep secrets, I lie all the time, I lie to my friends, to my parents, everyone, and the worst thing is I can’t do it any other way. […] I tell you, things will never be the same between us again, it will mess up everything — maybe even destroy it!

“Marinette, I’m your very best friend.”

“And I… I’m Ladybug.”

If this isn’t a coming out scene, I don’t know what is.

Of course, Marinette progressively steps into her role as a superheroine and learns to navigate her relationships accordingly — but she’s still carrying this secret that sets her apart from the rest of the world. It’s the othering, isolating part of queerness, and it’s really well portrayed throughout the seasons.

2. The Adrigaminette-to-Lukadrinette pipeline

I cannot not mention it, because what the hell was going on here.

Adrigaminette felt less like a love triangle and more like the girls voting themselves out of the polycule in quick succession. We got an entire episode of the three of them running around, holding hands and jumping in ballpits together. Both Adrien and Kagami went heart eyes over Marinette’s loose hair.

Then André came in with his cart and clown shoes and said “Nah you can’t all share the Magical Ice Cream Of Romance. :( Yeah sorry my ice cream is for two people and two people only. :( Also I guess I could serve Marigami and Marigami only but the flavours would taste gross together. :( Don’t look into the subtext too much” HE JUST HAD TO RUIN IT FOR THEM DIDN’T HE

I’m really happy he ruined it for them, for bird reasons, but still. Adrigami is also the one time we get to see Chat Noir ruin Adrien’s love life, and most of the fuel for my aroace Adrien thoughts, but I digress — LUKADRINETTE

Luka is in the unique position of knowing both Ladybug and Chat Noir’s identities, aka the most secret part of their souls, and immediately went in repression mode in Wishmaker upon finding out his two crushes were basically soulmates. It pays off in Migration, when he becomes their de facto safe place, the one person they know has both of their backs no matter what. Just look at the way they all look at each other:

With Marinette knowing she does not have to lie to him anymore and Adrien being Adrien. I’m sorry but in my mind they both independently proposed to him right then and there. This is the timeline I live in now.

Parenthesis over. Let’s get back to business:

3. Feligami Adrinette

By which I mean the themes explored throughout their relationship.

Adrinette’s story has always been about rescuing Adrien from the abusive environment he grew up in, as Marc and Nathaniel so helpfully drove across through their delightful storyboards:

(Note the gender role reversal here, blurring the lines between Marinette and Ladybug as she takes on the role of the knight in shining armour, while Adrien is the princess locked away in her tower… Adrien’s gender deserves another other essay in itself, but for today, let’s just agree that he is Not Cis.)

In S5, this theme escalates into a full-on Romeo and Juliet situation. Gabriel and Tomoe are of course the main obstacles to Adrinette’s happy ending: given A. Gabriel’s history of forcing his son into a mold, B. the strict expectations placed on Tsurugi women and C. the oppressive, uniformly white world they want to create through Perfect Alliance (Perfect!!! Alliance!!! Rings!!! Marriage!!!), it’s not a stretch to see them as the messengers of a certain vision of masculinity, femininity and relationships. You see it, I see it, Marinette doesn’t see it because she’s too busy sobbing on the floor, which finally brings me to my favourite thing ever:

“But Nina!” I hear you protest, “you’re making everything about Feligami again!” To which I reply: first of all, yes I am. Second of all, you can’t stop me. Third of all —

Third of all, characters don’t exist in a vacuum, and this is particularly true of the Adrinette & Feligami quartet. Kagami’s name literally means mirror; Felix is a foil to Adrien, of course, but also to Marinette (and Gabriel and Emilie and a bunch of other characters and I love him so much but let’s not stray too far from the point). Of course Feligami is going to parallel and contrast Adrinette, especially since Felix is Aware of the Themes and Motifs and has decided to make it everyone’s problem.

So in June (!) 2023, a little thing called Representation (!!) aired.

There are sooo many things to say about the queer-coding of the Senti-lore in general and of Felix and Feligami in particular. Today, though, I want to draw your attention to the way the kids talk about themselves at the end of the play, drawing clear narrative links to the Love Square (and most specifically Ladybug):

“You know what it’s like to not be able to love the one you want.”

“To constantly fight to save the people you love.”

“To have to lie all the time and never reveal who you truly are.”

[Wipes a single tear away] They grow up so fast…

At the end of the day, this is what both Feligami and the Love Square are all about: embracing who you are and the love you feel, no matter its form, in a world that perpetually tries to enslave and/or kill you for it. I don’t know about you, but I find it hella queer in nature.

Thank you for coming to my DUUSUTalk! 💙🦚

[collegetennisoriginstory]

Interesting question re: the f! versus m! versions of the LIs. This is just personal taste, I don't think any of them are more or less loveable based on gender!, but I do think f!Rayyan is more attractive to me than her male counterpart, while for G & Sam it's the opposite - I exclusively romance their male counterparts. Tobin is the same for me in both versions, but I still prefer f!Tobin simply because I prefer playing as a woman hehe. For context, I am a bisexual woman leaning more towards women, buuut I'm really into gnc women and I guess G and Sam both just feel like they fall outside a category I am attracted to :'o f!G feels more femme fatale as a woman, and f!Sam is very cute.

This is supremely intriguing, thank you so much for answering!! I absolutely live for interactions like this!

My answer became a goddamn ESSAY (holy shit I'm sorry) but I'd definitely love to hear more of you guy's thoughts on this, cause this is super interesting to me!

For G, I totally agree. I feel the pivotal traits that shape them (cynicism, stoicism about life and what life throws at them, adapting to circumstance, instead of stubbornly sticking to 'what they want', their parents' divorce, being caught between worlds and used to living in multiple places at once—Canadian-French from their mom and French-French from their dad, their intense commitment to their belief that things don't last, and you can't expect them to) feel more... attractive to me in a woman than a man (because lord knows we have enough flaky non-committal men in this world), but I think that's probably a subjective opinion.

For Tobin, I think it's inevitable that their softness/gentleness AND their queerness is influenced by their gender, and I love that idea, and I hope to explore more of that later on. For M!Tobin, I feel like they've always had to deal with the fact that they're a little "too" soft for what the world expects from them (a black american in the ultimately super-machismo world of sports), and they've always at least "fit in" with the rest of their team because of their athletic prowess AND how much attention they get from the ladies. Now, exploring their sexuality, having to come to terms with the fact that they are attracted to men as well (and what to do with that information)... I think it adds an extra layer of vulnerability.

As for F!Tobin, I think there's similar tensions—but in different ways. E.g. maybe they're the way they are, so gentle and considerate and kind because, in some ways, they're compensating (subconsciously or consciously) with the stereotype that black women athletes are "too powerful", "too fierce", and they've only ever wanted to be accepted, respected, loved, hence they've always been softer than they have to be, kinder than they have to be, more considerate etc. etc. But then they met MC, and perhaps they're learning to put that all away, and just... be. Without fear of being "too much"—with MC reassuring them that they're OK just the way they are, and that their strength and courage does not need to be tempered for anyone else's benefit.

And finally, for Rayyan, again, I absolutely agree—there's something about F!Rayyan and how, coming from a conservative immigrant Muslim family (e.g. there was that scene with a brief mention of how their dad never even thought they should be serious about turning pro, becoming a professional athlete especially because she's a girl), she's probably had to fight for absolutely everything she's wanted in this world, and that's why she's so steely on the outside, why she's so unapologetic about pursuing the things she wants because god knows the amount of sacrifice she's already put in. There's still that dimension in M!Rayyan, being an immigrant, threading that line between wanting to do their family proud, wanting to pursue their own dreams, ambition—so much ambition—but also fierce loyalty, and uncompromising, unyielding courage.

Sam feels the most... unchanged whether or not I imagine them as female or male, the experiences that made them the way they are (and how they interact with MC) are the same (e.g. being in love with your best friend, being extremely open about experimenting with literally any type of human romantically except the ONE person they actually love and trust with all their heart, scattered loveable goofball tennis nerd that they are).

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.153 Another one

It's 3 a.m., and I'm jolted out of that good good sleep because Desiree is screaming like she's trying to raise the dead or something. I jolt up, disoriented and dazed, and dash to the nursery to see what she needs, but when I get there, I see that she is flat out pissed. Of course, I don't like that she is unhappy, but her little down-turned eyebrows and poked out lip make me laugh. She looks like I owe her money or something, heh. Infant life is so hard. Your caretakers are asleep when you're awake, you can't do anything for yourself, and to top it off, there's no one to hold you at night. That's what she's really mad about because as soon as I pick her up, everything is peachy. She's getting so smart and figured out how to game the system and bend it to her will. When she screams, I come running and pick her up. Fortunately for her, I love holding her. At some point, however, she's going to have to learn she can't be in our arms 24/7.

She's so beautiful and looks more and more like Sophia every day. And she's strong too. I think it's time to get her mobile, or at least sitting up on her own. Then we can feed her in the highchair and start exploring different foods. As fun as that adventure sounds, I also kinda want her to stop growing for a little while. Tami, Dub's daughter, is a toddler already, and it feels like she was just born a few days ago. They grow up too fast, and before we know it, they'll be in high school making googly eyes at boys.

I tried to put her back in the crib a few times, but she had a fit at every attempt. It was just after dawn when she was sleepy enough to accept I know best. I need a nap too, but there's no use in trying to go back to sleep now. The sun is rising, so I grab Rosie and go for a jog. Fresh air and an increased heart rate will wake me right up. It's been a minute since we've done this, and she is stoked. My knees, on the other hand, are not. (sigh)

When I get to Dad's house, I want to stop in and say hello even though I know he's not there. It's so weird seeing it there, waiting for me to do something with it. I know grief is a process, and eventually I'll get to a place where seeing it brings back happy memories instead of reminders that he is no longer with us, but I want to be there now.

It's funny how being a parent changes how I look at the world. Things I've ignored for years suddenly become relevant. Like, I just realized there's a park behind his house. I probably saw it many times and forgot about it because it had nothing to do with me. But today, I feel like I'm seeing it for the first time and am glad Desi won't have to go too far to meet other kids and stretch her imaginative wings. At least I hope there are other children in this neighborhood. All the ones I knew are all grown up now. Regardless, there are plenty of places in this city where we can take her to socialize.

Just as I headed back home, Mama called to tell me Dwayne had passed away. I give her my condolences and tell her we'll be around as soon as Sophia wakes up. This is just not our family's week. Mama lost both her loves pretty much at the same time, and despite my feelings about that situation, it can't be easy for her to deal with, and I feel for her. But what alarms me the most is knowing her time is even shorter than I thought, and I don't know how to reconcile that.

[theomenroom]

as the sole mental health professional on a spaceship light-hours from earth for years, literally everyone else on the ship was a current, former, or prospective client of besk's, from launch day forward.

given that the ship was full of traumatized people already (look at the life on earth timelines, or, hell, just the fact that flulu lost a leg in combat), and that they were doing something stressful and isolating and new, probably every adult on that ship had been through besk's office at some point in the first few years. sooner, if they had any process of regular psychological screening that wasn't delegated to congruence.

if she was going to have a social life, it would be by befriending her clients in a way that stretches the bonds of therapeutic ethics. if she were to have a love life, it would involve sleeping with a client.

no wonder she was lonely! no wonder she was pining after someone she left behind on earth!

she thought having the twins would make her less lonely because that way there'd be a person (two people, but judging by their names i think she found out she was having twins after becoming pregnant) she'd have a pre-existing relationship with so that they couldn't be her clients.

her very obvious cries for help (developing a drinking problem, naming her son after depression, and that's just the ones that are visible in hindsight to people who were five or six when she died) went unheeded because she very likely didn't have the kind of close friends that anyone else on the ship had, and everyone else was used to delegating mental health to someone else. and she was that someone else.

speaking of, i don't really buy the popular interpretation that besk and instance were close (either as a couple or as friends). i get why people ship them; instance is the person who talks the most about besk other than the twins, and they're tangent's two parental figures, but i think the second explains the first. besk looms large in instance's mind because the child she is mentoring/raising is besk's. instance doesn't need to have been close to besk to be what she is to tangent (a thing i've explored my opinions about elsewhere). it makes more sense if instance and besk had a mutual professional respect, but the version of besk i'm suggesting looking for here didn't have any friends on board.

the twins take after her tendency to isolate; dys by running away and tangent by pushing everyone else away, but in both cases they're isolating and in both cases they want someone to find them (dys shows this when he shows sol the drainpipe; tangent has her tendency to seek instance's praise).

dys's tendency to be unflinchingly consistent in his ethical stance toward vertumna's natural world might be him taking after her, but without the social bonds leading him to relate to other humans in the same way (he was kinda abandoned after tangent came under instance's influence), leading to the events of glow 18.

besk was under an entirely unique kind of stress. her former clients (every other adult on the ship) would remain her former clients even if she retired (and that's assuming they accepted her retirement). she couldn't take a break from the fact that everyone around her were her clients. from looking at her kids' friends and wondering how many years she had until they'd be crossing the door to her office.

the vertumna group set her up for failure by choosing to have only one mental health professional around without a lightspeed lag measured in hours for a group of any size at all, and again by selecting someone who didn't bring any family or partners with her for the job. and she paid the price for it, tang and dys got left to pick up the pieces, and the lesson the adults seem to have taken from it is "don't be a counselor"

[ceasarslegion]

I support u getting back into marvel. Who were ur big fave characters?

We liked Hawkeye, Bucky, and like, pre- Tom Holland Spiderman. Nowadays we r a fan of Bruce lol

Man I have a lot. Deadpool, Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Kamala Khan's Ms. Marvel, Daredevil, Black Panther, The Falcon. I don't put Deadpool and Wolverine at the top of the list because of the new movie either, I've been reading Deadpool and the X-Men comics since middle school. I think I connected with them easily because I was always the only Canadian I knew overseas so having two characters of my own nationality meant a lot to me and filled this need for commonality I was lacking. But the one character that I really can not understate the importance of to me is Tony Stark.

Tony was everything to me. I knew exactly how he felt in so many deeply profound ways and I also hide behind this false confidence and sex appeal to push away my own insecurities and traumas. The fact that he was flawed, and that was a feature, not a bug. All I really have in the face of neglect and abuse is my hyper independence, and he used his in the same boat as me to literally build a better version of himself. He's not perfect, he's far from okay, he's a bit broken and rough around the edges, and hey, so am I. Seeing a man like Tony portrayed as a superhero who is not defined by the worst parts of himself means so much to me that I really can't put it into words. And every Iron Man and Avengers film with him released at exactly the right time for me to see it.

Tony will always be special to me. My favourite Iron Man run is International Iron Man, which hammers it all home for me that much more. It's about how Tony was adopted as a PR stunt by the Starks because his birth mother was just too poor to take care of him, and although she loved him, she gave him to this rich family that couldn't conceive because she thought they could give him everything she couldn't, and she wanted her baby to have the world to explore with no barriers to entry. Tony learns about how he was adopted, and sets out to reunite with the mother who loved him more than Howard ever did. It's a deep exploration of identity and how complicated the world is when you're someone like Tony, and they never once portrayed it as his birth mother not loving him, it was the dichotomy between Tony's paths in life being a mother who loved him to the point of letting him go who had nothing to give him, or a father who had no concept of not having who couldn't really care any less about him.

And when MCU Tony got to be the one to save the universe after spending his whole life haunted by his past actions and trying so hard to be a good person (which he already was, he just never accepted it) it hit me real hard man. I don't like that he had to die though, not when he had his little family and life and finally got to be the one to save the world he spent so long trying to be worthy of.

I also got really attached to Tom Holland's Peter Parker as a consequence of this, for obvious reasons. Irondad makes me mentally ill for all the reasons listed above.

All this is also why i dont... really engage with what the fandom has to say about Tony. It makes me want to chew glass that both haters and fans despise both him and everyone who likes him, and seem to make it their goal to completely misunderstand and shit all over his character to the point of saying that he had no right to be mad that Cap lied to him about Bucky killing his parents.

[sleepymccoy]

Fuck it, Ive found myself googling topics to start a fight again cos I'm trying to write spones, so I'm creating a list for myself here. If you have suggestions please feel free to add them. You are also welcome to use this as a prompt, although I don't know if it'll really help

These are mostly nicked from other lists, so hey may need tweaking to be more star trek sci fi in vibe. But I think they suit the sort of fights they have. Entertainingly, many of the questions on these lists have already been addressed my star trek. Like, I'm not going to go into eugenics here. They have a whole arc in tos where everyone expresses their opinions on eugenics (against) (the Khan stuff). So like, those aren't included! Or questions about ubi, trek world is a successful communist, they're all pro ubi.

Anyway. I've tried to hash it down to topics where I can easily see either how they disagree, or I can see how they agree but for different reasons. And, as this is for me, I might even include some of those details too!

Is technology making us more or less connected?

Could argue either way. McCoy's only contact with his kid is via tech, so he could be in favour. Same with Spock, but I think vulcans have a lot of physical cultural stuff that form part of gathering that (American) humans don't as much. Like, incense and how the planet is a different temp to the ship. So, maybe Spock is really feeling how tech is a shadow of the real thing more.

OR

McCoy hates and is unimpresssed by tech, and just wants to be home. Spock is perfectly happy with the perfunctory contact w his parents.

Is censorship ever acceptable in art and media?

This one is fun cos you can world build a bit with the premise. What's the art and media? I think McCoy has one of those inspected opinions, he's against censorship until you start listing terrible things then he gets annoyed cos he kind of agrees with a little bit of censorship. He doesn't think dead bodies should be shown on billboards across from schools. But he says, when asked, that he's against any censorship.

I think Vulcan has censored pre reform stuff from society quite a lot. And Spock's opinion on this is a real character choice you can make, does he agree people should only find out about history in university when you're spoon fed it kindly enough? Or does he think everyone should know?

Should we prioritize space exploration or focus on fixing problems on Earth?

This one is hilarious to me, cos they both work exploring space. But I think McCoy could get worked up over the focus and energy being on new space stuff if they're leaving hungry children behind, you know. I think Spock leans bigger picture

Is traditional marriage still relevant in modern society?

Ha! Have a great time! They'll be so off topic within a minute and just discussing their personal life that their opinion doesn't bloody matter

Is privacy more important than national security?

I think Spock is more into privacy then McCoy. Can't put my finger on why, I might come back to this

How can a good diet be used to control certain diseases?

I think the groundwork of this argument is that McCoy is having a go at Spock being vegetarian. So they're discussing broadly, but McCoy keeps slipping in how great meat is lol

Is it better to live in a big city or a small town?

Spock likes cities! McCoy likes small towns! This can devolve into a squabble about feudalism if you want to go crazy

Animal zoos: are they morally acceptable?

This is good worldbuilding too, zoos would be more rehab centres now. But Spock likes to have a go at old earth practices too just to see McCoy go red

Is online learning as effective as traditional in-person learning?

I reckon Spock likes online learning. The little freak

Is online dating more effective than traditional dating?

Heheheheheheh make them fight about dating. Make them list their favourite types of dates in an aggressive way. Heheheh

[bl3upi3]

Don't play with fire (chapter 2)

[Lo'ak x OC]

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DISCLAIMER: This Avatar fan fiction is made only with the help of my imagination. I wanted to imagine a story that would take place in Avatar 3 so after "the way of water". I read that this movie would be about fire people, so I tried to imagine this clan with the information found on interenet. In this fan fiction Lo'ak is 18 years old and everything that is said about "The Ash People" in this book was invented and was not certified by James Cameron. English is not my first language so sorry if I don't know some of the words, please be indulgent, I might edit this story once I finish. I still hope you will like it.

Summary: One year after the events in the Reefs, the Sully family decides to move again, to a new clan said to be able to bring the dead back to life. What happens when Lo'ak meets the princess of the volcanoes? Him who was already promised to the Metkayina princess finds himself in a strange situation when he falls for another girl.

Lo’ak's POV

The arrival at the volcano was not easy, after this long trip and the bad reception we received I did not think we would stay there, but my parents were determined to have an answer to their question.

The morning after our arrival I decided to go out of the crater to explore. I walked to a watering hole but as I approached it I saw a figure in the water. It was Äära the daughter of the chief, the one who as soon as we arrived let us know that we were not welcome. I looked at her in the distance, hiding behind a tree, she looked so peaceful right away, not the same girl I met yesterday. She was sitting on a rock, her feet in the water lost in her thoughts writing in what seemed to be a journal, she knew I was there because as soon as I approached the tree her ears perked up and she raised her head looking in my direction, I had time to hide my face before she saw me but it wasn't enough.

"Get out of there Lo'ak and stop stalking me" I hear her say, I close my eyes and sigh before coming out of my hiding place with both hands in the air.

"You got me" I say with an embarrassed smile.

"You're loud" she stood up as walked towards me, I was ready to have a conversation similar to yesterday's "You and your family are wasting your time here" she continued brushing past me.

I followed her with my eyes, "My mother wants to think that there is hope of seeing my brother again" I spoke.

She stopped walking and turned to face me "It's hard but she has to move on".

"How can you say that? You don't know how hard it is for her".

"It's hard for everyone Lo'ak" she said curtly, I don't know why but my name coming out of her mouth was like music to my ears.

I blinked hard, bringing me out of my thoughts, "You don't know what you're talking about," I returned to the subject.

I saw her clench her fist then take a deep breath before releasing the tension in her hand " The world doesn't revolve around you " she said before turning and walking away " I'll come get you and Spider for training later "

I watched her walk away before turning back to the pond, I walked to the rock where she was sitting and found the notebook she was writing in just before, I looked back in the direction she had gone to make sure she wasn't coming back for it before opening it and reading a few pages.

She was talking about her life in general and what she was experiencing, not much of interest, I think it was a new diary and there were many before because this one started to be written on her last birthday. I flipped through it until I came across the page that talked about us "demon blood is among us, are they really that bad? Eywa wouldn't accept this if it was bad would she? They think they can bring Neteyam back and I'm afraid they won't accept to hear the truth" Neteyam? How does she know his name?

I went back to the camp and waited for her to come and get us. 

"Hey bro I'm not coming, Jake asked me to help him prepare the offering for the party" said Spider punching me in the arm

"Are you serious?" I grumble 

"Sorry" he mutters as he walks away.

He's so fucking annoying, he wants to live like us but the only thing he knows is to lick our father's boots.

"Mmh Mmh" I looked up and found Äära with her arms crossed "lets go"

"Spider is not coming" I followed her.

"I know I heard him" she answered without turning around

"Were you hiding?" I chuckled.

"Hiding from what?" she sighed

"I don't know, but anyway, why is everyone preparing an offering? What's the big deal?"

"Every month we celebrate my mother's pregnancy," we started to go deeper into the forest, "and we make offerings to thank Eywa".

"Why? Isn't it supposed to be something ordinary?"

"Don't open your mouth when you don't know what you're talking about" she turned around with a cut showing her teeth. I jumped and took a step back. "My mother has a hard time having children, that's why I'm an only child, well not for much longer"  her attitude dropped.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" she turned and continued walking to the training place.

"You must already be a good hunter but here we hunt with knives, which is more difficult than arrows especially when the target is moving" she took out three small knives from behind the bushes "Try your best to aim at the center" she gave them to me.

"It will be a piece of cake, give me a real target" I teased.

She squinted her eyes and put her head to the side without saying anything. I threw the knives and only one of them hit the target on the area but none in the center of it.

"You're a skxawng" she rolled her eyes and retrieved the knives, she moved closer to me and I reached out my hand to get the knives back. But she stares at my hand and especially my fingers, she takes my hand and traces my palm and then my fingers delicately. Shivers go through me when I feel her skin against mine but then she becomes cold again and lets go of my hand.

"What do you want me to do? Cut them?" I say with irritation.

"You have 5 so use them all" she says before putting a knife in my hand. I tried my luck again but still none in the center of the target.

I heard a laugh and when I looked towards Äära someone was standing next to her with an arm around her neck, she looked irritated too.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Who am I? You must be kidding, you're looking at the future Olo'eyktan" the man answered with a haughty look.

"Lo'ak this is Aysär" she lowered her eyes, she looked ashamed.

"Monsters like you don't deserve to live" the man came closer and started to turn around and analyze me "We should exterminate your whole family" he touched my tail.

"Please Aysär go I will join you" she said with a worried look.

" Everything you ask princess " he moved back the arms in the air as if to surrender " I'll wait for you " he finished before disappearing into the forest.

"Who is he?" I asked.

"My soon-to-be husband" she walked towards me without looking me in the eyes.

"This guy is going to be Olo'eyktan? 

"Tsahik." she cut me off "He's going to be Tsahik, but I haven't told him yet. My father wants to name me Olo'eyktan" she put her hand on my shoulder still refusing to look at me "See you tonight" she said before she also walked away.

Anger built up inside me and I threw the knife, which came to the center of the target for the first time.

After hours of training alone I returned to our tent.

"Where have you been? Mom and dad are waiting for us, the party has started" Kiri said hurriedly and took me by the hand to lead me back outside. On the way out I grabbed Äära's diary and put it on the back of my waistband. "You need to see this, it's beautiful" she pulled me down the stairs and we joined our family.

"Lo'ak! Where have you been?" my mother asked, putting her hand on my cheek and scanning me to make sure I wasn't hurt. Since Neteyam's death she was much more caring and careful than before, sometimes I just wish that everything was a dream and that my brother was still here with me. I looked towards the crowd of people around the fire, Äära was dancing with other women. I watched as she moved her body to the sound of the drums and I couldn't resist tracing my gaze along it, her hips following the rhythm too. 

"Stop checking her out" Spider spoke bumping me in the stomach.

" I'm not doing it" I looked at him and my cheeks became hot with embarrassment. 

I looked at the other side seeing my mother, Kiri and Tuk being taken away by the Tsahik with the other women. Kiri tried to run away but was caught by mom while Tuk was happy to go dancing.

"I think that now she is the one who is checking you out" Spider said making me turn my attention back to the girl who was looking at me and for the first time I saw her smile which automatically placed a smile on my lips. "I know someone who is going to hit it tonight" he added. 

"Shut up, she's got someone" I slammed the back of his head and the smile I was wearing disappeared right away.

I haven't really had a chance to talk to Äära since that afternoon. The party was divided into two parts, the women were with each other and the men too, no one was mixing. I heard other men say that this party was to thank Eywa but also served to most of them to find a mate. I find this a bit disgusting knowing that this party is dedicated to Ìhari and her pregnancy.

I needed to talk to Äära about Neteyam, I needed an answer. She walked towards me and I noticed the white marks on her belly.

"It's a stupid ritual" she laughed as she passed me and I started to follow her. "It's supposed to wish for fertility. Look at your mother" I turned and looked as she said and my mother also had handprints on her belly.

"We don't need a second Tuk" I laughed. We moved away from the festivities and I found the courage to talk about what I had read this morning. "How do you know Neteyam?" I began. 

She stopped and turned back to me "I don't know who that is" she scoffed. I handed her the diary and her eyes widened, "What the fuck, are you serious?" she ripped the notebook out of my hands, "I was beginning to trust you and you read my diary. Do you know what privacy is?" She was about to leave but I grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks.

"Wait, I shouldn't have done that but I couldn't help myself. I need to know." she looked into my eyes and her gaze softened.

"Eywa told me through the fire," she said softly.

"Fire?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's one thing I can do, I can read through fire".

"So you can talk to him?"

"No it doesn't work like that Lo'ak" the same feeling as this morning appeared in the pit of my stomach at the sound of my name coming from her mouth "I need to get closer to where he was returned to Eywa"

"The spirit tree in the Cove of the Ancestors, I can take you there!

"If that's what you want" she smiled sympathetically as she nodded, "Sleep well," she said before walking away.

A/N: Happy New Year! I kind of like this chapter and I have a lot of inspiration for this fanfic. Don't forget to like and reblog. And don’t hesitate to give me ideas in the comments.This book is also on my Wattpad @_bl3upi3

*tag list*

@sakura-onesan @maraudersrry @honestlyka @max-xie @lovergirl-3000 @mushroomlover13 i can't tag some people idk why !

[flower1622]

I answered a percabeth post thinking the person wanted a suggestion to write a pirate fanfic, but the page only wanted a fanfic that exists. I already deleted my answer. But, here is my ideia if someone wants a suggestion:

Annabeth could be a pirate (the leader) and Percy could be a merman that can turn into human, who Annabeth falls in love with. But, Percy is very protective of an island (where they meet each other), but Annabeth wants to explore as much as she can and find many treasures. Annabeth only knows this life of pirate because she was abandoned as a kid and was adopted by two pirates (Luke and Thalia). Then, Percy could try to teach Annabeth that power and treasures are not everything. He would change the real treasures for fake ones and Annabeth would ask him to come with her since he seems to be lonely. Percy meets Thalia and Luke, who get suspicious of him. Luke accepts Percy, but Thalia doesn't. Annabeth teaches Percy all she knows about the human world. Annabeth and Percy would have fun together and he would ask if Annabeth wanted to meet his family. She feels a little insecure at first, but Percy ends up convincing her. He turns her into a mermaid and both pass some time under the sea and Annabeth meets Percy's family : his brothers Tyson and Grover and his parents. With Percy, Annabeth realises that she can be normal and doesn't need to worry about being perfect. She can be just herself and relax sometimes. Percy feels bad about what he did to the real treasures and doesn't know how to tell this to Annabeth. Annabeth discovers the real treasures in Percy's palace. When they go back to the human world, she tells Percy about what she found and for him to stay away from her. Percy gets sad and doesn't know how to apologize to Annabeth. What Percy didn't know is that Annabeth can have a vengeful side that doesn't forgive so easy...since her fatal flaw is hubris. They would have some problems with each other.

In the end they could forgive each other (Annabeth for invading a special place for Percy and trying to steal something from it and Percy for the lie) and become friends again after Annabeth gets hurt during a battle with evil pirates that wanted "her treasures" (the fake ones cough) and Percy heals her with his power (and something more could happen...a kiss maybe under the sea with the moon shining at night after they defeated the evil pirates or just let them go with the fake jewels). In the end, "a character could join Annabeth's pirates group (i think it's too obvious who could be 😅). The group hunts treasures to give to the poor. They search for jobs to receive money to buy food for them. Sometimes, they take some of the treasures for them too (for their clothes or to buy stuffs). The story could also have a plot twist (a short scene) showing that one of them is a traitor (who could be this one? 🤔).

[lurkingshan]

On Jae Won and Pran

Last night I read a couple excellent posts - this one from @emotionallychargedtowel breaking down the evolution of Jae Won’s mindset in the final two episodes of The Eighth Sense, and this one from @waitmyturtles about themes of generational trauma explored in Bad Buddy, and how his mother’s trauma, his role as the only child of the family, the expectations heaped on him by his parents to carry all their hopes and dreams, and his fear of family rejection manifested in Pran’s inability to see a future for himself with Pat and his subsequent (initial) hesitance to risk it all on a relationship with him. And this really got my wheels turning, because I’ve been thinking a lot about the similarities between Pran and Jae Won.

Like Pran, Jae Won has inherited generational trauma. We don’t know most of the details, but we do know Jae Won’s father is “aggressive” towards him and appears to lash out at him in anger. We can only assume that those family issues got even worse after his brother’s death, which he feels responsible for (and given what we know of his family, it’s a fair bet that his parents have placed blame on him, too). It is usually the case that perpetrators of family violence were themselves victims of the previous generation’s family violence, so it seems fair to assume there is multigenerational trauma in Jae Won’s family.

Also like Pran, Jae Won is now his family’s only (living) child, and feels enormous pressure to be successful (as his family defines the term) and avoid disappointing his parents. This is a big source of the paralysis he feels following his return from military enlistment, when what he wants to do is completely at odds with what he knows is expected of him. Turtles talked about how for Pran, risking alienating his parents means risking giving up the only family he has - that fear must be even more pronounced for Jae Won, who has already lost his precious brother and feels utterly alone in the world.

Pran and Jae Won are both people pleasers. Pran is the problem solver in his group of friends, the one who smooths things over and mediates conflicts. Even when he is the wronged party (coughcurtaindropcough), he goes out of his way to forgive and disregards his own needs in order to make everyone happy again. And of course, his ultimate act of people pleasing is to carry on a charade of ending things with Pat in order to assuage his guilty feelings toward his mother and keep his family intact. Jae Won simply never acknowledges conflict in the first place, choosing instead to bend to the will of those around him rather than putting up any kind of fight, and the end result is the same. He disregards his own needs and wellbeing to avoid rocking the boat.

Pran and Jae Won are also both extremely skilled at masking their true emotions and keeping people at a distance. Pran was in love and pining away for years, and absolutely no one - even his best friend - knew about it. Pran was so skilled at hiding his relationship with Pat that he probably could have kept the secret going indefinitely. It was Pat who couldn’t stand it, and ultimately they were forced to return to Pran’s tactic of pretending (and honestly, my heart breaks a little when I imagine Pran having to teach Pat how to hide himself). Similarly, Jae Won’s friends don’t actually know him. They don’t know about his brother, his mental health struggles, or his fraught relationship with his parents. They look at him and see only what he wants them to see - an unbothered chaebol sailing through life. At the core of this tendency for both Jae Won and Pran is a need to protect themselves, because they’ve already learned that they will never be fully accepted for who they are and they live constantly under threat of losing the only security they know if they reveal too much of themselves.

And finally, in matters of romance, Pran and Jae Won are similarly hesitant to allow themselves to go after what they want. Pran always believed his love for Pat would have to stay a secret tucked into a corner of his heart, and even when his feelings were finally reciprocated, he struggled to believe there was any chance he could really be allowed to be with him. After his brother’s death, Jae Won never felt he was deserving of happiness, and he surrounded himself with toxic users to ensure he wouldn’t get it. Even as he was inexorably drawn to Ji Hyun, his hesitation and doubt was clear in every moment. He was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and as soon as it did he fell right back into resigned acceptance of the shitty relationships he felt he deserved. Both Jae Won and Pran likely would have stayed in that purgatory forever, except that they each found someone with the confidence and persistence to help them see a different way.

Which brings me to where Pran and Jae Won ultimately find release from their family trauma, guilt, and self-doubt - in Pat and Ji Hyun. For both of them, they find courage in creating a new bond that is strong enough to weather the coming storm. Pran forms a new family unit with Pat and draws strength from him when his parents inevitably reject his vision for his life. Jae Won pushes and pulls away from and returns to Ji Hyun when he is certain he can trust him to hang in through the hard parts (and we know there are many hard parts still to come). From these bonds they also both build a stronger community around them - Pran strengthening his relationships with the friends in their inner circle that know the truth about him and Pat, Jae Won finding new closeness with Yoon Won and an extended support system in Ji Hyun’s friends.

Their fear of family rejection hasn’t gone away, but they are better fortified against it. They haven’t magically cured their generational trauma, but they have found a way to live beyond it. And I just think that’s beautiful.

[gayymomgod]

you should share some sebastián and andrés lore if u got any………. :33

OOHHH HAI REX !!!! this is so exciting oh i have a TON of lore for the two!!!

i’ve been working on their characters since my Junior Year (2021/2022) and their actual story a little more further in ^_^ they have their own tag i use 4 them !! #Sebastian and Andres , without the accent marks 2 make it easier 2 search for LOL i’ve shared things of the two already under there, so feel free to take a looksie !!

the silly part of it is how Sebas n Andrés are in their own separate universe from my other characters, all of which live in the same universe together LOL so compared to the others, there isnt rlly a lot of like . outer world or fantastical lore ^_^ literally their story takes place in 2015

they r both aroace! i have lil comics n whatnot that i mainly keep 2 myself (bc theyre never finished) so here u get lucky n get one of my wips

their actual main story i wanna work on touches more on their struggles as a whole but i have been wanting to work on more comics regarding their orientations! sebas had more troubles accepting being aroace bc of being mexican n the expectations placed on them by their parents !! andrés deals w a similar situation regarding their parents, but have an easier time accepting it themselves bc they already go against what people expect of them so !! it's a thing i hope 2 explore more, and i so do hope i get 2 do more regarding their queerplatonic relationship ... (they literally move in together !!)

thank u 4 asking about them tbh i just rlly love sharing what i can about the two i love sebas and andrés they're literally apart of me

[welldonebeca]

Baby Jack's The Girl (2)

Summary: When he notices Claire misses being a child, Jack decides to gift her the opportunity of being little again. WC: 1.2k words Warnings: Fluff. Domestic Winchesters. Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Age regression.

If you like my work, consider buying me a coffee or subscribing to my Patreon. It’s just $2 a month and I promise you won’t regret it.

Masterlist

Jack got up before his dads came to wake him up, a little bigger but still middling, and full of determination as he crossed the corridor and knocked on Claire's door.

He didn't hear anything but a grumble in response.

"Claire?" he tried to call her.

No response.

Had she left? He hadn't heard anything.

"I'm coming in," Jack decided.

He pushed the door open, and saw a large lump under the blankets of Claire’s bed, all curled up.

“Go away,” it grunted.

It was probably Claire. That was her voice, anyway.

So Jack walked over to her, sitting beside her bed, and sighed.

“Claire. I’m sorry.,” he spoke softly. “I shouldn’t have made you upset.”

She peeked from her blanked slowly, peeking at him, and he could see her eyeliner had smudged all over her face.

“It’s not your fault,” she mumbled. “It’s mine, for being all messed up.”

That didn’t make Jack feel any better.

Claire sat up completely, and shook her head, rubbing her hands on her face.

“I used to be so jealous of you, I wanted to hate you… I still do,” she confessed, eyes welling up. “And now you have a chance to be a kid, with parents who love you and won’t leave you!”

Jack knew a lot about Claire.

She was Papa’s vessel’s daughter, but her dad had given his body up - almost the way his mother had done - so papa could live amongst humans and protect them.

She was just a little kid when it happened, and it had hurt her very deeply.

Jack understood what it was like to hurt so much. They were alike in many ways, so, maybe, there was a solution.

“What if I could help you?” he suggested.

Claire turned to him with a confused face.

“What do you mean?”

He leant closer to her.

That was so hard to explain.

“Just trust me, okay?” he asked her.

She explored his face with her eyes, unsure, and finally nodded.

“Fine,” Claire accepted.

Jack touched her face gently with both his hands and felt his eyes glowing before Claire was engulfed with light, growing smaller and smaller, until she stopped, and while he didn’t know how old she was, he had a guest that it was when things went wrong.

When Papa came to the world, and she didn’t feel like a kid anymore.

Her mouth fell open in shock, and Jack watched as Claire took her hands to her head and her shoulders, touching her skin in pure confused.

“What?” she hissed.

“I know it’s weird, but it feels right, doesn't it?” he asked. “Maybe we can go to my room and I can show you-”

But before he continued, her eye welled up and her lips, trembled, and he stopped himself.

“I can make you big again,” he said quickly. “I can! I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

But she just wailed more.

“Daddy!” she sobbed.

Jack stared in horror. Oh, no, no, no! He wanted to make things better, and he made it worse!

Oh, no, what could he do?!

And all his body could do was cry with her, wailing and sobbing, scared.

When he opened his eyes, daddy was already rushing inside, and stopped frozen in shock when he saw them.

“Cas,” he called loudly. “I need you here.”

Daddy walked over to them and knelt in front of Jack, holding his hand.

“Baby boy, what happened?” he asked softly.

He panted, looking for words but not able to say anything, and just cried more.

When papa walked into the room, he stopped and looked at Jack, and then at Claire, and she seemed to noticed, because she cried more.

“Daddy,” she sobbed.

She got up from the bed and ran in his direction, and hugged his legs while papa looked completely confused, picking her up after a second of hesitation.

Claire held him tight, face hid in his shoulder and cries muffled by his shirt.

Daddy quickly scooped him up too, and he felt himself calming down. Or getting tired.

He wasn’t sure which was right, but he didn’t want to cry that much anymore.

“What do we do?” daddy asked, confused.

“We should hydrate them,” papa patted her back. “They’ll be thirsty soon."

Soon they were in the kitchen, and daddy quickly got him his sip cup, holding it as he drank cool water, and papa did the same with her.

Now that he was calmer, Jack could see how different Claire looked. Her hair was straight now, not curly, and all tangled from sleep, and she looked more… peaceful, of sorts?

She looked a lot like papa, too. He had never realised that before.

“Holy shit,” he heard, and turned to see uncle Dean frozen at the door. “They are multiplying.”

Jack hid his face in daddy’s neck, giggling, and felt his lips on his temple.

“There you go,” he rubbed his back gently.

Claire seemed to be snapped out of her crying state, and he watched as she squirmed off of papa’s arms and ran into uncle Dean’s arms, not saying anything as she hid in his neck too, and he stared at daddy with wide eyes.

“It’s Claire,” Jack confessed.

“I figured,” papa pet his hair gently. “But why is she this small?”

He looked away, hesitant, and played with his own hands, a little embarrassed.

“She was sad,” he told them. “And she said she couldn’t be a kid, so I did what I do. And… she is a kid.”

Papa and daddy exchanged looks, and he pouted.

“I thought it would make her happy,” Jack mumbled.

“Oh, sweetie,” daddy sighed, rubbing circles on his back.

Papa didn’t say anything, and Uncle Dean shook his head.

“Jack, you can’t just transform people into kids without asking them,” he scolded him, holding Claire tight. “Look at her, she is terrified!”

Jack gasped at his loud voice, hiding in Sam’s shirt.

“Dean,” papa stepped to him. “Do not raise your voice”

“Hey, no. The kid knows better,” he argued. “What if he can’t turn her back?”

“We’ll figure it out,” papa answered, firm. “But right now they’re both very upset, so we need to take care of them first.”

But he could turn her back! It was just like he did it with himself!

And yet, Jack couldn’t say it. He felt as if talking would make him cry again, so he drank his water.

“Fine,” Dean sighed, and took a hand to Claire’s hair, petting it a bit, trying to make her look at him. “Hey, Claire-bear. Let’s get air, why don’t we?”

She squeezed him tighter, and daddy sighed.

“That will be good for the kids,” he agreed. “Do you two want to have special breakfast, uh?”

Claire moved in his arms, mumbling something he couldn’t quite catch, and uncle Dean smiled a bit.

“Yes, sweetheart, we can go there.”

Jack, however, was too perked on the special breakfast part.

"There is a diner in town," uncle Dean told them. "So, how about we get our breakfast there?"

Jack looked up at him, now fully interested, though a bit nervous. He felt so small, and being around a lot of people was scary.

Daddy turned to look at his brother.

"We should get dressed up," he suggested. "I'm pretty sure we have something her size in Jack's room."

Uncle Dean scoffed.

"Sammy, I know you like playing dress-up with Jack, but Claire is fine."

Daddy didn't look any happy with that.

"She is wearing jeans, Dean. Ripped up and not soft at all. That can't be comfortable!"

Uncle Dean sighed.

"Fine," he decided. "Come on, Claire. Let's play dress up with Uncle Sammy."

. . .

"The Boy" is part of The Baby Jack Series and was posted on Patreon on April 2023. To read it and the two sequels, "The Girl" and "The Flu", consider subscribing to my page! It's just $2 a month and I promise you won't regret it.

. . .

. . .

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[rayne-astrophile]

Eternity

YuuMori x Boboiboy crossover

They only manage to explore 1 over 3 parts of the mansion before dinner. Ryan has come and brings them to the dining room at the moment, and they wonder how he knows their current location. 

When they arrive, Amato is already there, waiting for them with a smile on his face. The three brothers bashfully take their seats where the meals are placed. 

As they eat, William and Louis' eyes lighten up at the delicious taste of the steaks. Back in Moriarty's territory, they only got leftovers from the family's meal, which leads to their skinny figure. 

"So how's your touring?" The oldest man asks, starting a conversation. Albert swallows his food and replies. "We only managed to explore a bit. Luckily Ryan came and led our way here, or else we'll be lost." He scratches his cheek. 

Amato laughs at his words. "Well, I guess tomorrow my sons can give you a proper tour." William lowers his hands at the mention of Amato's sons. He raises his head and smiles at the man. 

"Pardon me, Mr. Ama—" 

"Dad," 

William coughs. 

"Pardon me, um…Dad…" he averts his eyes away, embarrassed. "May I ask about your sons?"

"You mean your brothers?" 

"...Yes," he says awkwardly as Amato smiles. "I have seven sons in total. They look identical… sometimes I mistook one of them with another. The only difference is their eyes and their favourite colours." He puts his utensils down and holds a finger up. "The oldest is 16 years old, two years older than you, Albert." He grins at the teen. "The second one is 15, and the third is 14. The other four are twins, a pair 12 years old and another is 10 years old. All of them are gifted, you know?" 

William blinks his eyes in awe. "What a big family," he comments. 

"...won't we trouble you?" 

Their eyes land on Louis, who is looking down. "You already have seven kids to take care of.. wouldn't taking us three into your house add the burden?" 

His question makes both William and Albert tense up. Louis has a point. True, they're searching for someone that can accept them like Amato does, but they don't want to trouble a kind man like him. 

Amato stares at him silently before standing up, flinching Louis as he walks towards the younger blonde. He lowers his head even more until Amato reaches him. 

Amato occupies the empty seat beside Louis and takes his hands gently. "Who says you're a burden, Louis?" His question makes Louis snap his head and finally looks at him. "William, Albert, do you see yourself as a burden too?" He looks at the two. 

Getting no answer, Amato breaths out a sigh before offering them a kind smile. "I was asked this question when I said I want to adopt you." He mutters, "Do you want to hear my answer?" Louis stares at him silently before nodding his head. 

"I want to give these children a family." 

Their hearts skip a beat at his words. "I am a man who wants a big family. Even if I have hundreds of children in this house, I would still adopt you. Everyone deserves a family, Louis. I know what those nobles had done to you." They flinch at the revelation. "But trust me, I'm nothing like them. I.. want to create a new world. And I'm sure we share the same world that we desire. Am I right, William? Albert?" 

He gestures to them to come over, which they oblique. "You're children with dreams that I want to protect. That I want to love," he caresses Albert's cheek gently, his thumb brushes under the teen's emerald eyes. 

That's when he knows, he is crying. 

Louis gets off from his chair and stands beside William who is in the middle. "I would never see you as a burden. So please don't say that again, Louis." He squeezes the smaller hand gently. 

"I will try my best to fulfil the empty role of your parents," 

Those 13 words are enough to break them. Amato brings them into his embrace as Albert grips his sleeve shakily while Louis holds his hand tight. 

William closes his eyes as he lets the warmth engulf him. At the same, he opens his heart to accept this man in his life. 

"I'll be away for a week, but the brothers will be around starting tonight. You don't have to wait for them, okay?" Amato kneels to their height as they are about to part their ways. He then looks at each face. "You don't have to worry about them. They will welcome you with warmth just like I do," he assures them with a smile. 

William returns the smile and tilts his head to the side. "We'll keep that in mind. Thank you, dad." Amato grins and ruffles his hair gently before doing the same to Albert and Louis. 

"See you in a week, Dad." Albert bids his farewell as Louis smiles at the man. 

"Good bye, kids. Sleep well for tonight, because tomorrow will be a whole new chaotic day for you. I hope you won't get too shocked by their attics." He says jokingly. 

Or they take it as a joke. 

The next morning…

A knock on the door wakes the two blondes up as Ryan's voice is heard. "Good morning, young lords. The breakfast will be prepared in five minutes, so prepare yourselves." 

William yawns softly before replying. "Alright, thank you, Ryan." He then taps Louis' shoulder gently. "Louis. Wake up, brother." The younger blonde stirs before opening his eyes. His brother smiles at him, "We should get prepared for breakfast. Come on," 

After a while, they pass by Albert's chamber, just as he gets out of his room. "Albert nii-san," William greets, which he earns a smile. "Good morning, William, Louis," the blonde brothers nod their head at him. "Let's walk to the dining room together." 

As they walk, Albert asks them a question. "How did you sleep?" William hums, "We slept well, Albert nii-san." He smiles. "What about you?" 

They turn to the left, towards the dining room. "I slept well too—" 

"The first one to reach the dining room wins!!" 

Startled by the new voice, the three brothers turn around, only to see two different-coloured blurs running towards them. 

"!?" Albert manages to catch a glimpse of orange eyes before the owner of those orbs bumps into him, making him fall on his back. 

"Albert nii-san!" William rushes to him in worry as footsteps approach them. 

"Sorry, Ryan!" An identical voice is heard as footsteps approach them. "Are you okay—wait, you're not Ryan." A pair of icy blue eyes stare at them with curiosity. 

Another voice is heard, "Of course he's not, Ryan is much taller than him." A shorter figure mutters, his silver eyes examine them up and down. "Anyways, are you okay?" He asks, his face is blank but his tone holds concern. 

The silver one reaches his hand out for Albert to take, which he did. "I'm sorry for my brothers' behaviour. I hope you're not injured," he apologises. 

Albert smiles and shakes his head. "I'm not hurt, thankfully." He assures, before eyeing the two unfamiliar boys with wonder. "And you are…?" 

"Call me Solar." The young lad introduces himself. "This is my brother too, we call him Ice." He says, referring to the icy blue eyed teen. 

William examines the two brothers silently. They have identical dark brown hair with a white streak that reminds him of Amato. He snaps his finger in realisation. 

"Ah.. Are you—" 

Solar, the younger brunette cut him off. "Yes, we're Amato's children." He reveals. "The other two are mine and Ice's twins. They're quite… troublesome. I hope you'll excuse their childish behaviour."

Albert smiles assuringly. "We don't mind it at all," Solar nods his head. "Now, why don't we walk to the dining room together?" 

The Moriarty brothers agree to his request. They walk behind the two brunettes as William's brain starts to think. 

'Solar.. seems to be the youngest. Then one of the two kids that ran past us must be his twin, same with Ice.' He hums in his head. 'We met the four youngest. So that means the three oldest must be there already.' 

Ice pushes the door of the dining room and enters, Solar and the three brothers follow suit. There, four figures are already seated at their respective seats. 

All of them have identical hair, but different eye colours. Starting from the start of the dining table, an older figure sits with his arms crossed. He has a pair of scarlet eyes, matching with William and Louis. He has an edgy look, and he seems to be mature. Beside him, a teen with a pair of sky blue eyes is talking to him. Unlike the latter, he has a cheerful smile on his lips. 

Across the sky blue eyed teen is a younger kid with a pair of fiery orange eyes; the one that bumped into Albert just now. At the other side of the blue eyed teen is another small figure, same with Solar's, with a pair of emerald eyes, matching with Albert's. 

The blue eyed teen is the first one to notice their presence. "Solar, Ice! Good morning!" He greets them before his eyes land on the three brothers. 

His eyes widen at the sight of them, making them nervous. He stands up and walks towards them with a wide grin. 

"Oh my, you must be our new brothers! Welcome, welcome!" He gestures to them to take a seat. 

Ice has already taken a seat beside the orange eyed kid while Solar sits beside the emerald one. Albert takes a seat beside Solar while William occupies the empty seat beside Ice, which is across the silver eyed kid. Louis silently sits beside him. 

The blue eyed one gets back to his seat, "Let's wait for Quake first, then we'll introduce ourselves, okay?" He clasps his hands gleefully. 

"Before that," Solar says, earning their attention. "Blaze, apologise. You bumped into our new brother and don't even apologise to him." Despite being the one of the youngest, he manages to say it sternly at his older brother. 

"Huh, I did?" The fiery orange eyed teen is confused. Ice sighs and nods his head. "The one that you bumped into is not Ryan, but him." He gestures to Albert, who smiles awkwardly. 

"Wait, really?! I'm sorry!" He apologises immediately. Albert shakes his hand in the air, saying that it's fine. "It's okay, you were playing. It was an accident," 

"What accident?" 

A new but familiar voice joins in. They turn to the door from the pantries, revealing another teen holding a tray of food with the very same brown hair with white streak. What stands out the most about him and catches William's attention is his breathtaking golden eyes. 

"Quake!" Both Blaze and the sky blue eyed teen exclaims but in two different tones; one in shock and concern. "Let me help you, those look heavy." He takes the tray from the golden eyed teen who smiles at him. "Thanks, Cy. And what accident are you talking about?" He asks, eyeing every face around the table. 

His eyes stop at three new faces before widening them, a smile immediately creeping into his pretty face. "Ah, you must be Albert, William and Louis! Welcome to our home!" He grins and walks to his seat. 

After getting their breakfast, the blue eyed teen; Cy, breaks the silence. "How about you three introduce yourselves?" He suggests with a smile on his face. 

Albert looks at him and gives him the same smile. "Very well," He straightens up himself as he looks at each face. "My name is Albert James Moriarty. Those are my brothers," He refers to the two blondes. "William and Louis James Moriarty." 

William gives the seven brothers a smile while Louis nods his head as his greetings. Cy cooes at them, "How cute! Both of you look like kittens!" He says with glee, and they are dumbfounded. 

"It's our turn now. Let's start with the oldest," Cy looks at the scarlet eyed teen. That gesture is enough for William to guess from the oldest to the youngest. 

The oldest brother closes his eyes and wipes his mouth using a tissue paper before he finally speaks. "I'm Thunderstorm. You can call me Thunder," he says as he opens his eyes to look at the newcomers. "Welcome to our home. From now on, I am your brother," His face is cold, but his tone is warm. 

'Thunderstorm? As if, a thunderstorm?' William wonders.

"Now it's my turn!" Cy clasps his hands. "Call me Cyclone or Cy. Nice to have you here, brothers!" He exclaims cheerfully, making them blush at the last word. The golden eyed one then waves his hand, "I'm Quake. If you have any problems, don't be shy and come to me, okay?" He smiles gently. 

The teen beside Quake then grins excitedly as he points his finger to his chest. "I'm Blaze! The bravest out of all!" He exclaims with confidence before pointing his finger at a sleeping Ice. Wait—

"This is Ice. Don't mind him, he likes to sleep a lot." Blaze deadpans. Across Ice, the one with emerald orbs raises his hands cheerfully. "Me! Me! I'm Thorn! Hee hee! I can't wait to play with you!" He says with glee. 

Then, all of them turn to Solar. 

"...You already know my name," he closes his eyes. "But nice to have you here, I guess." Quake frowns at his youngest brother. "Solar, don't be rude." The said boy sighs, but says nothing. 

William looks at Solar who is sitting across him, his scarlet eyes examining him silently. Out of the seven brothers, he finds Solar as the smartest out of them, despite being the youngest. 

The silver eyes of him suddenly glance up and lock with his scarlet ones, catching him off guard. A smirk makes its way to his lips as Solar looks at him slyly. "What? Am I that attractive that you keep staring at me?" 

A scoff is heard from the other side of the table, making them look at Thunderstorm. "Hah. As if, you brat." Solar glares at him before letting out a huff. "Shut up, Thunder." 

'No honorifics?' Albert questions in his head. 

"No fighting in front of the meals." Quake says sternly, which manages to quiet down the table. "So, Albert, William and Louis, how was your first night here?" He asks, smiling politely at them. 

Albert offers to answer his question. "It was great, thank you." He returns the smile. "I'm glad to hear that," Quake hums. 

The conversation continues with Quake asking questions and Albert answering them, and sometimes William replies on his behalf while Louis doesn't speak at all. Cyclone, Blaze and Thorn also join the chit chatting. 

Solar excuses himself first as he finishes his breakfast, then Thunderstorm. Not long after that, Quake asks Blaze to take Ice to their shared room as the icy eyed teen almost falls from his seat. Thorn also has left, saying that he needs to water his plants.

"I'm going to help Ryan with the dishes," Quake then excuses himself, and his words slightly shocked the three brothers. Cyclone notices their surprise and smiles softly at them. "Don't mind him, Quake always like that. He's a helpful person," he assures. 

"So, what do you want to do now, brothers?" Cyclone asks. William puts his hand under his chin as he hums. "We still haven't finished touring…" the brunette then claps his hands. 

"Let's give you some touring then!" 

[stagefoureddiediaz]

With the latest articles I think it’s safe to say Buddie is not going to happen. They’re going to introduce a new love interest for Eddie. Buck will be off to the side Tim his own delusional world thinking he’s a father when he actually is one to Chris. This is gross. I’m so sad about all the lost potential

Hey Nonnie

I'm not sure why you've decided to come to my inbox with this, but I don't agree with you if I'm honest.

All of the things KR says about Eddie in those articles reads much more about him being in a place where he's ready to reflect on his previous relationships - understand why they didn't work, what part he played in them turning out how they did and actually think about what he's looking for going forward so he doesn't make the same mistakes.

All of that sounds much more like a potential sexuality storyline to me than anything else because if he's questioning where he went wrong previously then one of the questions is "do I want to date a woman?" its all been set up for it over the course of the season if you ask me.

As for Buck - I'm not worried about Buck working on himself - the sperm donor arc is clearly going to have repercussions for him in 6b - and I'm fully expecting it to really push Buck into figuring out he doesn't have to keep giving away parts of himself to others in order to e happy himself, or to make others happy. The fact that it all ties in perfectly with further exploration of the Daniel of it all that has been lurking in the back ground is actually fascinating to me because Buck hasn't dealt with his parents and the loss of Daniel and the impact its had on his life and who he is and why he keeps giving parts of himself to others in his search for happiness.

Plus the whole point of the sperm donor arc is for Buck to recognise what it is that makes a father - it all plays perfectly into him realising what he already has with Christopher. Oliver wouldn't keep saying 'almost co-parenting Eddies son' in interviews if it hadn't been okayed by the show runners and media team- they would've shut that down pretty fast because they know the implications that will be drawn from Oliver saying that - plus Oliver is good a t doing media - thats why he keeps being the one put in front of the journalists etc - he gets briefed on what he can and can't say.

I think some people forget that canon has always implied that Buck doesn't really have a struggle with his sexuality in the same way Eddie does. Bucks struggle is much more with his self worth and allowing himself to want things for himself. For Buck getting to the same page as Eddie is much more about his realisation that he can actually have the family he want with Eddie and Christopher and far less about his sexuality. Of course they both need to talk about the shooting as part of this - because the shooting is central to both storylines - its the start of Eddie unrepressing himself - reaching for what he wanted in what he thought might be his final moments, and Buck accepting what Eddie was actually trying to say to him when he told him about the will - that he is enough as he is, that he has a family - one he's been building with Eddie (and Christopher) for a while now.

So Sorry Nonnie - you'll have to take your bitterness elsewhere - nothing that I've read makes me think any potential has been lost and I don't think anything is gross either! It baffles me why you want to spend your time trying to spread misery and intentionally looking for the negatives - life is too short to do that!

[sapphos-darlings]

https://www.tumblr.com/sapphos-darlings/675496447908675584/imagine-that-when-you-were-born-your-entire-family?source=share the issue is, i kinda was raised that way. my parents were happy to have a daughter. i was given the toys i wanted, and i liked both "girly" and "boyish" ones. i was praised for my curiosity, creativity, pursuit of knowledge. i was called a leader type. my period was celebrated (and when i got my first period, my mom bought me a huge pizza). yet i am still traumatised by femininity standards. it's great when your parents treat you with kindness, but there will always be people who don't. not to mention that, for some reason, my mom was all i described above, yet still forced feminine appearance on me when i was a teenager (makeup, hair, clothes). the issue runs so deep it's horrifying. i also have adhd, and i was pretty much the "boy" standard, loud, hyperactive, disrespectful towards teachers... but for some reason, that didn't give me an early diagnosis...

Hello, Anon!

I've been expecting and sort of hoping for a message like this! The thing is, that post is one of my (as in, by mod Lavender) most popular posts, it circulates a lot whenever someone finds it, and it's also sparked a lot of commentary. But despite this, I personally don't consider the post a very succesful one.

I've been reading the tags and comments, and many have shared their experiences, not very different from yours. Stories about how no matter how great the home was, there was still the wider world with its prejudices waiting; that getting a good and loving upbringing didn't undo gender stereotypes pushed on female people outside the immediate family.

The post has genuinely moved some women, which I'm happy about, while others have been deeply frustrated, some even offended and angry. I suppose when a post like that gets a lot of notes, that's inevitable.

But the reading the post has been getting isn't one that I was aiming for.

My original idea was to imagine a girl growing up in a matriarchy. Matriarchy would have its own set of norms that would be just as accepted and natural as the current ones we live under. So what would a society where the girls are a priority look like? That would mean no concept of patriarchal femininity. I think she would be valued for her inner qualities, encouraged to explore and learn a wide range of skills, and free of fear and shame targeting the female body and sexuality. She would enter adulthood ready to live her own life to its full potential, without being weighed down by expectations of servitude or fear of being out of line. So seeing so many readers focus only on the personal level, I can't help but feel that my original intention didn't come through like I had hoped.

While writing, I was thinking of various things I've read about how girls and boys are raised differently. On such thing was a study that showed how adults are more likely to pick soft toys for female toddlers, while male toddlers were given stuff like building blocks and toy cars even though they all had the same selection available to them. I vaguely remember the study pointing out that heavier toys made with hard materials and moving parts are more interesting and help develope fine motor skills, whereas plushies don't provide the same benefits. And of course, socializing boys to take interest in mechanical stuff, being creative, and taking initiative starts already at this stage, while girls are directed towards playing the nurturer and being cute. So, in my mind, the points about how a family would raise the girl, what kind of toys she gets, and how the teachers and peers would react to her growing up, connected to society as a whole, not simply to choices made by an individual family.

Many women in the tags and comments have shared, like you, that their family gave them pretty much all that my original post lists, but that didn't mean they were immune to societal and cultural influences. Which I definitely agree with: it is a very valuable insight to just how much power society outside of family units holds. How just one family - or even just your mother - can't undo what the society and culture as a whole pushes.

And because I agree, I thought I had succesfully imagined that it's not just the family that celebrates the girl, but the culture as a whole. The culture would be what guides the family, instead of the family desperately going aganst the culture.

In the end, I'm happy that so many women have been so moved by the image I painted with that post. I'm also glad it's sparked so much conversation, and even debate. My original intention didn't come through like I wanted to, but that's fine. For some time I've thought about adding commentary to the post itself, but ultimately decided not to interfere with it, but leave it to the community as it is. Regardless of what I intended to do, I think that the conversation the post sparked is so valuable it deserved to unfold without me cutting in to explain myself.

So thank you for your message, and for this opportunity to say something about it! Thank you for sharing your experience, it's all very valuable to women as a whole.

-Lavender

[alienaiver]

Chapter 1: miles

Chapter summary: your father has passed and you must stand up with your head held high as you accept your fate - you mustn’t show the overwhelm on your face. as you meet your new advisor for the first time, hope sprouts in the deepest part of you.

Warnings for this chapter: mentions of parental death, i’m exploring grief but only mildly as it is not entirely the main focus. Otherwise, it’s fluffy and world-building-ish

Wordcount: 8.7k words

Chapter content: fluff, sfw, fantasy AU, royalty AU, mild angst, genderneutral reader (so neutral that both men and women can also insert themselves), poc and bodytype! friendly reader, no use of y/n, tense and offical language from idiot to idiot, budding romance

notes: here is the first chapter!! i gotta admit, im actually very nervous about this. i know its good!!! but like!! does it make sense? to other people? this was honestly an imprompto idea i came up with and decided “heck, itll be good practice for my own fantasy book” and then. sat down LMFAO. ive never written medieval fantasy like this before and i think thats where my nervousness stems from! i also made sure to make the reader as gender neutral as possible since i usually only stumble upon afab!readers in fantasy and i wanted to provide some more <33333

series masterlist ┋  next

Truth be told you were never the proper heir you were supposed to have been at 25 years of age. You’d already assumed the title Crown-in-Waiting at the age of 17, marking the official beginning of your training to become the ruler of Karasuno Kingdom.

But with a young father in prime health, the start of your title’s work had been slow. He’d seen no reason to hurry with the preparations of you taking over the throne as he saw himself with many years to rule still. Your education, of course, began in childhood and you were familiar with communications between the territories and you were even with land to steward already. The peace treaty between Karasuno Kingdom and the Nekoma States four years ago were done by yours truly, heralded as such in stories, albeit it was with your crown’s supervision. You’ve been talked of as the Bringer of Serenity by the Farseers and even in the songs written by the minstrels, a Catalyst for Unity. The titles make heat flush to your face and a desire to hide your face in your hands emerge from you, but you’ve been very grateful with the positive tone your kingdom’s had with you so far even with your inexperience.

 So when tragedy strikes, you’re taken aback abruptly and the walls that’s been protecting you for your entire life crumbles around you. The physical walls of the Karasu Keep are still very much intact but that does nothing to quell the grief that emerges from deep inside of you at the news. The crown’s death is a shock to everyone from the coastal regions and well through the inland duchies and it strikes the kingdom with sorrow as it hits the keep where you’ve just spent the past few days in practical leisure, awaiting the return of your father.

You don’t understand. This was a routine trip – one to keep up the agreements between Karasuno Kingdom and the Fukurodani Empire that your father journeyed every year to show the kingdom’s appreciation of cooperation. The trading between the two kingdoms had both risen and prospered with the proper and legal routes to jewels, silks, and leathers. You grasp at the necklace around your neck with the Moonstone embedded, gifted to you by said empire as you try to control your breathing. Your drawing room’s filled with servants, all frozen and observing you horribly, unsure of how to help you handle the news that the poor errand boy came running into your quarters with mere moments ago.

“I wish to be left.” is all you can mutter out before you fall back on the armchair you rose from at the errand boy’s arrival. Everyone scrambles to leave except for your closest maidservant and dear friend, Azumane. As silence drapes over the room like a blanket, you belatedly realize you’d dropped the book you were reading on the floor – you’d probably have to search a while for the page you’d reached. You can’t seem to remember what page you’d last counted.

Azumane’s hands are holding your left, drawing circles into the palm in what he hopes is a calming gesture, “I’m so sorry for your loss, your Majesty.” he tries but you internally tut at the formality of his words. Those are words from a servant, not from a friend. And you’d like your friend at this moment.

“Oh, what am I to do, Asahi?” you ask him but you’d be surprised if he had any other answer than the one you already know. You sigh and look out the window to your left, at the unchanged scenery of the mountains that’s currently covered in the whitest snow. No one climbs them during this time of year.

He mirrors you with a sigh and it’s clear he’s struggling to hold back tears. Yours has yet to come. An official declaration has to be called, a notice to mark the Seven days of Mourning before you will have to claim the throne as the next crown. You will have to contact your father’s advisor, the knights, figure out if and where his body might be located so you can go forth with the burial on the seventh day or if you need to reschedule the mourning of the kingdom. You know the errand boy down from the kitchens and you’re convinced of the fact that he raced to inform you as soon as the runner had returned with the news. You might even have been told before your father’s advisor who stayed home from the journey, seeing as it had been a supposedly friendly meet with long-standing and positive relationships. You inhale sharply before you once again rise from the chair with a heavy look in your eyes. You must endure the entire country’s grief as a seed next to your own and handle the duties passed on to you with as much flawless grace as possible as to not rouse any mistrust with neighboring kingdoms.

                                                        ///

Curiously and almost miraculously, Sugawara has never formally been introduced to you or met you even though he’s been living in the keep almost as long as you, only short of the first 11 years of his life. You and he have even shared the same scribe tutoring you in both letters and numbers when you were younger, but somehow your ways never intertwined growing up.

 That doesn’t mean Sugawara doesn’t know you.

 You’ve always made your dutiful appearances in the royal court and the lands you’ve stewarded through the years have always described you as proper and good at handling your responsibilities. Your studies are known and remarkable throughout the lands and he’s sure that like every other bachelorette and bachelor in this land, he blushes at your gentle smiles you grace your people with. Your speeches are always bubbling over with love for your kingdom and your people and there’s no doubt in his heart that you were meant for the role you’ve been given in life. You’re a star in your own right.

 He's also been blessed personally, a few colorful times in his life as the advisor’s successor, to eye contact directly from you in court or during festivities. It’s taken everything in him always to keep it, to prolong the fortunate moment where the two of you are connected in more than just being in the same hall.

His friends have teased him that he should get used to your blazing gaze connecting with his, seeing how much you’ll be together once you become crown.

 In the Karasuno Kingdom, it is not uncommon for the royal advisor of the current crown to resign and pass over their role to their own successor when the crown changes heads. Which is also why, he thinks, that they’ve never introduced the two of you. Both the current crown himself and his advisor were sure of his long life yet, full of vitality and youth. There was no reason to start cooperating between the Crown-in-Waiting and their advisor before it was deemed necessary. Sugawara’s always been impatient since he’s known who he was supposed to work with and support since childhood and looked forward to it with an almost fanatical excitement. But this? This isn’t how he’s ever pictured your meeting before.

Which is funny because he’s always known his supposedly exciting work wouldn’t begin until his crown passed away. He writes it down to the fact that he started his apprenticeship when he was still too young to know what that entailed yet and thereafter hasn’t given the procedure of the start much thought. Much like a child learning they’ll inherit something from a parent when they pass and being excited for that day to come before understanding the implication.

 His teacher is pacing around the tower room that has been Sugawara’s study since childhood, muttering curses and grudges to himself. The “this wasn’t supposed to happen” seems to be the most recurring phrase in his current, panic-induced vocabulary. Sugawara wants to be understanding and empathetic towards his teacher who has just learned the news that his superior and dearest friend has passed away in an untimely fashion but he also can’t help but dread how the current situation looks – to the outside, mostly. He knows you’re popular and well-liked within the walls of their keep and in the kingdom as a whole but it’s no secret even across their borders that you’re sitting very much ill-prepared for the challenge you’re going to have to face now. The crown has often – though most times have been in an inebriated state – proudly announced that he kept you off of the usual Crown-in-Waiting duties so that you could enjoy a free life as long as possible.

Sugawara’s not even sure how much practical knowledge you even possess, having not been the one advising you until now (not that anyone has, the position has been formally his since you entered the Crown-in-Waiting title eight years ago.)

 His mentor, who’s been very much like a father to him too, takes in a deep, steadying breath and then turns to Sugawara, “I am not allowed to introduce you until the Seven Days of Mourning has passed since it will count as official work not to do with the burial. You must prepare as much as you possibly are able to within the walls of this study but keep your focus on politics, the public relations, and laws so that you will be best prepared in the immediate affairs they might have to deal with.”

Sugawara nods and start to walk towards the bookcases lining the far wall, filled with both books, scrolls and study notes he’s accumulated over the years. The four bookcases had intimidated him back when he just began, so empty safe for a few five to ten books and scrolls. His teacher had proudly told him of how full they’d become when he was done and he’d scarcely believed him. But here he is over 15 years later with books stacked on the floor due to lack of space.

With tears lining his lower lash line, he starts reading up on the most recent border and trade laws engaged with the southern duchies, guessing trouble might rise there first.

                                                        ///

It is the Seventh Day of Mourning and tomorrow he will have to work side-by-side with a grieving Crown-in-Waiting turning leader of a whole kingdom. The burial of the king has finished a mere few hours ago and Sugawara’s currently in the servant’s kitchens with his close friend, head of the Royal Guards, Sawamura Daichi, drinking ale and eating the simple feast that marks the end of the Mourning.

There will be days of preparation before the crowning will commence. All the coastal and inland dukes have to be gathered and publicly announce their agreement and support to the Crown-in-Waiting for the coronation before they can presume their role as the rightful ruler of this country. However, Sugawara is officially able to be announced your advisor tomorrow as it requires a much smaller ceremony, one that mostly includes a few elected officials and his own teacher. And most nerve-wrackingly,

You.

 “I hope the precious Crown-in-Waiting is prepared for what’s coming.”

Sawamura sounds bitter and Sugawara’s actually surprised he doesn’t put his mug down harder than he does. He raises an eyebrow silently at his friend, deciding to give him the free space to vent his rage. He knows it’s not about the Crown-in-Waiting at all. Sawamura slurs out some more profanities and when he’s about to mutter out words that border on the line of treason thanks to the amount of ale he’s taken in, Sugawara shuts him up, “I know you feel guilty but you’ll be banished if you utter out any more words.” He takes the mug from the head of the Royal Guard calmly as if looking for a fight but his friend lets him, lets him wrap his arm around his shoulders so he can carry him back to the barracks. Sawamura is one of the important people meant to oversee his friend’s own inaugural ceremony as the official royal advisor so Sugawara would like him in proper shape.

 Outside in the courtyard, Sawamura gets queasy and Sugawara sighs over the fact that he didn’t stop him from drinking sooner. He lets him bend over a bush and turn away from the sounds of his friend spilling out his emotional guts.

“Are you ever punished if you get vomit on the armor?” he asks his best friend to lighten the mood, halfway to the barracks. Sawamura grunts in response and gags again, this time with a low, self-deprecating laugh following to signal he’s just messing with Sugawara. “Daichi.” Sugawara says sternly as if to remind him that he’s currently doing him a favor, dragging him away before he makes a mess or even loses his title and work.

“You’ll protect the new crown too, right?” Sugawara can’t help but ask as he eyes the lights of the entrance. He knows his friend would never betray the Crown no matter who wore it but he fears he feels too guilty to serve properly. When Sawamura doesn’t answer he says his entire name in a reprimanding manner, hoping to get a proper response. Sawamura drags his arm back from Sugawara and he lets him, watches him bend down to a squat next to him on the ground, “I killed him, Koushi. It’s my fault.”

It’s all he lets out and Sugawara has to drag him back up again with a reprimand of too much ale. Luckily, a few of his Guardsmen, Tanaka and Nishinoya are enjoying the fresh air of the night and casual talk outside the barracks and spot them when they’re near. They thank Sugawara for his help and promise to get their commander back in bed safely.

The walk back to the keep isn’t far, especially when you aren’t carrying your heavy-hitter Royal Guard Commander of a friend over your shoulder. Sugawara sighs out as he looks up at the sky. The stars are visible tonight and he tries to recall the constellations he was taught once. He almost wants to laugh at himself for his inability to use the stars – he hopes he doesn’t ever have to guide his crown through wilderness with only the stars to guide him. He’d never get them to safety. If he makes sure Azumane is with you, he’s convinced you’ll be fine. He sees his own breath in the air and chases it with his hand, reaching towards the sky as if asking for guidance.

 Still, Sawamura’s words haunt him. Everyone knows it wasn’t anywhere near his fault that their crown has tragically passed and no one is accusing him of the death but Sugawara thinks that he can understand the knight’s pride. He was with the crown when he passed, surrounded by savage bandits of unknown origins, unable to protect his sworn crown and get him home safely and alive. Sugawara feels a shiver run down his back from the thought of the pain he must be going through -and the survivor’s guilt that must be pooling in his gut, gnawing, growing, and taking form. He knows Sawamura would’ve given his own life had it saved the ruler of their beloved kingdom. He’s suddenly glad that Sawamura has other knights to take care of him too, people who will get his devotion and hurt better than Sugawara, a meager advisor who has scarcely left the Karasu Keep growing up except for going to the three nearby and local towns. A man who’s never known the blood or the decisions of the battlefield. He bows slightly and mentally thanks Sawamura’s men in the guard for also guarding him as he gives the stars a final look.

   The sky outside is clear and Sugawara can faintly hear the birds from the big oak tree outside of the stained-glass window in his study. Like many nights before, he’s taken to sleeping in the quarters of his books and parchments, comforted by the scent of his candles and the endless pages. The calm doesn’t last long before the door swings open and his mentor hurries inside and closes the door with a back-kick, “I’ve been looking all over for you, Koushi! You must prepare for the ceremony at once!”

He’s tutting at him but he nonetheless places a tray with breakfast in front of him – one of finer quality than Sugawara is used to seeing and he can’t stop himself from tracing the veins of the wood. It’s carvings is compelling and beautiful.

He hears his mentor scoff at him, “Koushi! No time! Eat your fill – I know you’re prone to a bigger filling of grain but I know you. If you eat too much, you’ll be nauseous during the ceremony!” he sits down on the chair opposite of the desk and pushes air out through his nose, “imagine that! So focused on your own stomach you won’t hear a word being said to you by the crown!”

Sugawara laughs cheerfully and pulls the tray closer to him, delighted at the sight of a cup with flower tea. His mentor has always treated him to this exclusive tea during milestones of his training. “What? Are you speaking from experience?” he jokes as he takes the first bite of the bread from the side, already buttered. Based on the fillings, he suspects it’s the kitchen matron who’s prepared this. She’s always enjoyed treating him, complimenting him on his polite and kind behavior (when he in truth was sent on a test by his mentor to test his conversational skills in regard to intercepting information not given easily or for free).

His mentor scoffs again and jerks his head up in mock-offense, “I know of no such thing.”

Sugawara laughs and reaches for the glass of water. It’s cold and newly pumped and he feels he’s in for a treat with this lavish breakfast he’s being given. His mentor sighs out before he relaxes down into the chair, “is there a particular reason you did not sleep in your quarters tonight?” he asks, his fingers intertwining on his lap. The question is calculated, his eyes drilling into Sugawara who winces. “It’s better here.” Is all he can really come up with and his mentor smiles before sighing again – a nostalgic one, one that reminds of good old days. For a moment it feels to Sugawara like time has stopped and it’s just the two of them, in the study, as it has always been. “And so we all know that feeling. I’m going to miss our days together, young lad.”

Sugawara swallows a spoonful of grain thickly at the weary words. He knows this is his awkward way of saying his goodbyes before the world starts turning again. In a matter of moments after his breakfast is finished, he will have to go straight to Kinoshita to be fitted so he can adorn his newly embroidered uniform and meet you in the royal court for the séance that will put him under you officially.

 The robe that he’s wearing fits him to a T. He doesn’t expect it not to with the master dressmakers on board. Azumane was originally scouted and traveled to the Karasu Keep in order to be trained to become head seamster for the royal court but gained such a deep connection with the Crown Child that he chose to become their maid servant and simply oversee the needlework made. His mentor had left him in rage then, traveled to another kingdom in search of a new heir but Sugawara knew that Azumane never regretted the decision.

Still, just because the robes fit him doesn’t mean it’s not uncomfortable. It’s weighty, long and the sleeves are bigger than what he’s used to. He knows it’s a formality and that he will most likely only have to wear this for official appearances in court and at meetings but he fears how he will handle ink and glasses of water with this garment on. A creeping panic suddenly dawns on him; is he supposed to always wear this in your presence? As he looks at himself in the looking glass, he tries to fix his hair – the tuft of hair sticking up looks out of place in such delicate robes.

 There’s not much time to think any more fearful thoughts on the fabrics bestowed upon him before Sawamura enters the room, all noise and intimidation from the sound of him walking in the Royal Festive Armor. Its black and sleek and Sawamura’s holding the helmet under his arm. His surcoat is in the new orange colors adorning the crow’s head made to be used for your reign. The former crown’s design was very much similar and varied only in color and pose of the crow. The helmet under Sawamura’s arm also resembles a crow’s head but only enough to be able to tell if you knew.

It's generally an impractical armor and Sugawara’s glad he doesn’t have to wear it – quietly doubts if he’d be strong enough to keep standing with the weight of it. He keeps that thought to himself as his friend gives him a hug and a pat on the back. “Your new uniform suits you,” Sawamura muses as he gives his friend a look-over, “you’ve finally grown into your title.”

There’s a smirk on his face as he teases Sugawara with that compliment. It wasn’t too long after Sawamura got instated as the Royal Guard Commander that Sugawara had wailed to his friend over mugs of ale about how he wanted a title soon too and how he felt left behind. Sugawara sticks out his tongue at his friend, “at least my robes are way more comfortable than all your shiny garments!” he retorts and Sawamura simply shakes his head at his friend and lets him have the win. Sugawara scoffs at the patronizing act but visibly still relishes in the win.

The seamstress bows at him as he proceeds to pack down his kit of threads that he used for the minor adjustments. Sugawara can’t help but notice the abundance of golden and silver threads too, straightening his back at the realization that he’ll also be doing your final fitting. He leaves with yet another bow and he smile tensely at his leaving form. He’s not sure he’ll get used to the formalities of his new title – after all, he’s been the errand boy for most of the keep for so many years, never regarded as anything more than another young boy running from the stables to the kitchens in search of adventure and possibly an opportunity to steal a light snack before supper. Kinoshita, the seamster taking care of his gown, was one of the boys he used to run around with. It’s odd, he thinks.

 Sugawara is pulled out of his stupor by the door being thrown open in haste, much like this morning in his study and he is in no way surprised to see his mentor beam at him proudly, a tear threatening to spill from his lash line. He lifts up his arms as he approaches, “oh my young boy,” he starts and Sugawara laughs and reciprocates the movement of extending his arms before he does a spin to show his beloved mentor and parental figure his new uniform and start of his new life. He’s enveloped in a tight hug and sees Sawamura cackle off to the side at the display of a proud parent embarrassing their child in front of their friends. He rolls his eyes and hugs back, “thank you for everything.”

He wants to say more, express more feelings but his mentor pushes him back to arm’s length and inhales sharply, his eyes screwed shut. He exhales slowly before he takes another look at the boy I front of him, all grown into the man he helped him become. Words would not suffice for any of the emotions both of them are feeling and hums out an affirmation that his feelings have reached him. It’s an entirely intimate moment for both of them before they hug again, fast, as a finality. This will be Sugawara’s new path. His own path, on his own two legs. He hopes he’s strong enough to carry the will of you and the kingdom with him.

                                                        ///

 You’re pacing around the room, anxious and fidgeting. Besides your beloved father and former crown’s funeral, this will be your first order of business – which feels immense and heavy, even if no decisions are put on you except for the appearance to ordinate your new advisor’s role. You envy him for being a thousand leagues more prepared than you. You hope he’s kind.

You know he is.

He’s never been a stranger to you in all fairness. You’ve observed him, embarrassingly often. At first it was genuine curiosity in childhood and young adulthood about the boy who was supposed to become your right hand, your biggest support and confidant. When your curiosity had become too obvious to play off as you aged, Azumane had gladly provided you with stories of his friend and eased your fear of the unknown.

The biggest reason for your worry is more embarrassing than any of the actual causes of concern, ludicrously enough. Because with all the wonderful and heartwarming stories you’ve been provided by both your maidservant, the kitchen maids and other tutors in your life, your heart has spun another story of his own, one of rose colors and stargazing.

In your defense, Sugawara Koushi is a very handsome young gentleman who’s always kind to anyone he encounters and diligent in both studies and work. In his spare time, he helps the scribe, Takeda Ittetsu, tutor the Keep children in both numbers and letters. He engages in the conservation of documents and is an active part of both the maps and the libraries’ keeping to.

It’s a very favorable image of a person meant to become so close to you. Not to mention that his smile always makes your heart skip a beat. Azumane often scolds you for reading too many romance novels and not enough educational works to prepare you better and at a time like this, you think you should’ve listened to him more.

You’re not supposed to be in love with your advisor.

Not to mention, a royal advisor whom you’ve never even met.

 The seamstress urges you to stand still again, fitting the hem of your newly tailored dress shirt, sewn for this purpose. You’re sure you’ll wear it again for some other occasion, enamored by the pattern of silk on the elaborate sleeves. It’s a deeply saturated, royal red with orange embroidered in with immaculate attention to detail, the cuffs closed by obsidian-like cufflinks. You straighten your back at the seamstress’ request as your father’s royal advisor goes over the ceremony with you.

You’ve practiced the speech and rituals since learning this would one day be your first role to fulfill, excitement vibrating through your bones as you were going through old scriptures and scrolls telling of this deeply traditional-bound ceremony. He praises you as you repeat the words back at him and you preen, your back straightening even more in pride. He shakes his head with a chuckle, proud of what you’ve become even if none were prepared for the timeline to be pushed as such.

                                                         ///

 No one prepared Sugawara for just how many people would actually attend his ceremony. It’s probably not as many as he feels, but the eyes all on him makes him queasy and he silently thanks his mentor for restraining his breakfast just a little bit for him. It’s obviously not as many people as will attend your coronation, but it still makes his heartrate spike to see the many attendees turn their heads at his arrival in the court. He’s announced by the speaker and stands where he’s been told, clearing his throat to alleviate some of his nervousness while he awaits your entrance.

 All eyes turn to you as your arrival is announced before you then then do something unexpected that almost makes him laugh out loud. He manages to keep it to a cut-off chuckle but you bow. You bow to the court as if you’re not supposed to become the crown of this kingdom in a matter of days and there’s a few gasps, giggles and various reactions sprinkled throughout the audience and you smile sheepishly before pacing your way to stand next to the throne.

On top of your head is the same crown that Sugawara often saw adorned on your father and his heart aches. He knows it’s been fitted to your exact measurements but he can’t help but be amazed at how well it suits you.

The kingdom’s opinion of you is at a crucial tipping point at best right now but seeing you stand there, your head held high and back straight, he feels that everything will turn out alright. He relaxes his own shoulders as you start your speech meant for your father’s royal advisor, telling anecdotes of growing up watching him and your father in the courtyard and finishing by bestowing upon him the Black wings of the Crow, the highest honor the royal family can award anyone, as a way to cement you and your kingdom’s gratefulness to all of his years of service.

Sugawara’s heart soars with happiness to see him receive such honors from the crown themselves and straightens his back again, overly conscious of how he’s posing in your presence. He hopes it’ll get easier with time.

 Sugawara is being presented to the court of officials and his eyes search for Sawamura and relaxes. In the corner he also sees Azumane send him a discreet thumbs up and lets out a grounding breath. He stands before you and bows, his head bent down, trying not to stare at your feet too much but using it as a focus point. You’re wearing black leather boots with heel that resembles your father’s usual style very much. When he thinks back, he’s sure your father’s had a designed pattern on them but yours are curiously bare except for the straps and pins closing it around your ankle and shin.

You recite the ancient tongue that is regarded as the first lines from the first ever inauguration ceremony of this kind, cementing the bond between ruler and advisor. Sugawara’s heart is beating hundreds of beats per minute as he tries not to do something that’ll ruin this magical moment. That doesn’t stop his brain from providing him with fears he didn’t even know he possessed; imagine if he lost balance and fell (he’s on his right knee with an arm supporting him), what if he has to sneeze (he knows how to control them) and the oddest one, what if you look at him and decide you don’t see him as a good fit? He’s got no counterpoint for that one, and that’s the scariest part.

He feels your palm on the top of his head and hears the acute way your breath hitches before you speak loudly and clearly,

“Do you swear to keep the benefit of the kingdom always in your heart, in your mind and in your body? To stay true to me and me only, as we work to make our kingdom prosper?”

Our kingdom.

Our.

He tries to ignore how your hand is lightly shaking on the crown of his head as he swallows thickly. He knows the reply is as true from his heart as it comes out of his mouth,

“Yes, Your Majesty. I vow to always stand by your side and support you in making your kingdom flourish.”

There’s a moment of silence as you retract your hand from his head and shuffle before him, presumably getting his pin ready. He’s too scared to raise his head, anxious about fulfilling the ritual properly. He can feel the temperature on the top of his head where your hand’s been burning into his skull.

“Sugawara Koushi, you may now rise.” you instruct him and he does so slowly, standing directly before you for the first time and now officially yours. When your eyes lock with his, he swears he sees a sparkle of stars in yours. They shine in a rich and earthly way he can’t seem to find human. In your hands, a golden brooch is resting with an emerald stone enclosed that Sugawara knows is valued much higher than his meager life. No matter how the light touches it, it looks breathtaking. You step forward and he almost takes a step back from the sheer overwhelm of being so close to you. you smile gently at him, reassuring him as you start speaking again, in a volume meant for the court to hear as well.

“I bestow upon you the crown’s pin to establish the physical link between us, with our kingdom as witness. You have sworn yourself to me and to the Karasuno Kingdom and this pin will be the proof of your allegiance and duty.”

As you say your practiced lines, your hands reach for his collar and Sugawara hopes he’s able to keep his blush down when your knuckle brushes his throat. You lock the pin and take a step back, mouthing a silent “well done” and he nods at you with a grateful smile, bowing ever so slightly. Sugawara’s heart skips a beat at the bashful smile you send him before you turn your attention toward the court, cementing your words one final time.

There are more formalities to get through but even if you held a sword to Sugawara’s throat, he would never be able to recite anything else happening, too preoccupied by standing next to and so close to you while the rest of the ceremony commences. He knows Sawamura is supposed to do some kind of honors now, but he can’t focus on it, he only bows when he’s supposed to. There’s something inherently intimate about the way an advisor is sworn in and he’s still reeling from saying those lines directly to you and not just to himself in his looking glass. There’s something about swearing his life away to someone that makes his stomach swirl in pleasant squiggles, the finality of his teachings and educations coming to fruition. He’s glad it’s you.

                                                        ///

 The silence is thick in the late crown’s map room as your fingers gently sweep over the ashen wood desk littered with containers spilling ink, feathers, and unfinished maps. Neither of you are even sure what the purpose of the current map that is splayed out is, but you’re both aware of your father’s penchant for mapping. Sugawara’s unsure of whether it’s appropriate for him to say anything and the happiness he felt emanating off of you during the ceremony is nowhere to be detected in the current gloom that’s sucked you in.

“I always imagined I’d arrive at the throne due to his retirement. That he’d witness my coronation and ease the two of us into our duty.”

Sugawara swallows thickly at your words. You’ve done it several times now, addressing your title and work as ours – as if you saw Sugawara as your equal and not a delicately trained and placed pawn to use as you saw fit. He clears his throat and tries to speak when you continue, “something isn’t right about his passing. My father taught me everything there is to know about sword fighting. I can’t imagine he’d go down due to a simple group of bandits.”

You look up at Sugawara and the pleading in your eyes makes his hands clench behind his back. You’re looking for reassurance, for someone to believe in you. His heart aches at the thought of how many people might’ve dismissed your hypotheses the past week alone. He agrees with you. Everything in the official reports, Sawamura’s detailed accounts and the mere fact that they succeeded in assassinating the crown himself speaks to something more organized. Something far more sinister.

He nods and walks towards the table, towards you, “Your Majesty, I fear your assumption may not be entirely incorrect. An ambush of that level isn’t common in those areas and according to local reports gathered by my predecessor, not heard of neither before or after the attack on His Hig”- Sugawara clears his throat once more –“your father.”

Your eyes fly from the overflowing inks to Sugawara’s at his choice of words and Sugawara’s breath hitches silently at the grateful smile you return him with. He smiles back and mirrors your hand by putting one close to yours on the table, staying neutral as your hand flinches upon his nearing. He rests his hand on the map, feeling the texture of the paper on his skin, “what would you like to do, Your Majesty?”

Your eyes stay locked onto the table, your position frozen for a few moments. Sugawara notices how you’re nibbling at your bottom lip. It’s a cute quirk, he thinks and subconsciously bites on his own until he stops himself with a straightening of his back. You retract your arm from the table and the fabric of your puffy sleeve gently sways with your movements as your hand reaches your own chest. You look up at Sugawara, determined, “I demand a full investigation that I’ll be part of. I will not rest until I know what truly happened to my father.”

Sugawara nods and bows, “as you command, Your Majesty. However, I will advise this to be done in utmost secrecy. Throwing the kingdom into a state of fear is not what is needed publicly of you as of this moment,” he straightens his back and looks squarely at you, “if I may be so bold as to suggest this, I’d recommend that you pick out a group that you trust to do this quietly as you calm down the nation.”

A quiet snicker leaves you and Sugawara tilts his head in confusion at your reaction as you grace him with yet another warm smile, “I expect you to be bold enough to suggest me things, my dear advisor. That is, after all, what you’re here for.” You turn around to look at the map of the kingdom that your father proudly made when you were just 12 hanging on the wall. In the corner of the northern duchy you can still see the ink stain you accidentally made as you observed him making it back then – you’re sure he could’ve removed it or started over since he had just begun with said northern duchy at the time, but he chose to let it stay and it fills your chest with warmth. Behind you, Sugawara blushes at your obvious statement. “But that is most reasonable. However,” you turn back with what Sugawara can only describe as a dignified pout, embarrassed to admit this out loud but with your shoulders squared and head held high, “I’m not at all sure who to entrust such a task to. I know many in our keep but I am unfamiliar with who to trust in the political court.”

Sugawara nods and tries not to embarrass your admission further by not reacting outwardly. He was ultimately expecting this to happen. “If you so trust me, I shall gladly help you gather a small company but while I do gather intelligence about who we can truly trust,” Sugawara braces himself for the next part, “I must ask you to keep up appearances around the public investigation. We must not throw suspicion or we might lose important trails to find the true executioners. I know what I ask is dire and under normal circumstances I would never think to expect anyone to follow such an outrageous request but alas,” he looks at you and trails off, seeing your steeled expression. There is no doubt in his mind that this pains you, but he can feel your resolve for the greater good of your kingdom – the kingdom your father loved as well.

   The next few days pass by Sugawara in a blur. He trails around next to you and instructs you in political influence, watches you mourn in silence, tests your knowledge and as you’re eating lunch in the former crown’s map room that you’ve ordered not to be remodeled or repurposed, talks about the investigation you’ve brought on.

Sugawara knew that he’d become physically close with you once he’d be sworn in, but he hadn’t expected that he’d be sharing so many meals with the crown of his country. It was awkward at first. There was luckily plenty of practical subjects to go through, so the silences never lasted too long and smiles seems to come easily when Sugawara cracked a joke or two. Your knowledge of the southern duchies and of the bordering countries surpassed what he expected, but you were lacking in regard to in-country laws and especially the western duchies’ customs were you unfamiliar with. He's continually amazed by your ability to remain unfazed when it comes to the public investigation of your father’s passing. No crack in your mask reveals that you’re in doubt of the public acknowledgement. Sugawara knows differently though, as his heart aches in his chest. He knows of the fire burning steadily, consuming your sleep and appetite. He tries not to say too much, knows Azumane is next to you when he is not.

Preparations for your coronation also took up a great deal of your time but Sugawara never hears any complaining as he drills knowledge and political pawns into your beautiful head. The talk and flow of the Karasu Keep has become lively and light, excitement buzzing in the air as the coronation draws closer. All the dukes and their families have gathered and many travelers from across the kingdom will be arriving as well over the next coming days. The attitude towards the new crown is generally positive, which greatly relaxed Sugawara.

 “I’d keep an eye on the Hiashi duke. He and his coterie seem to celebrate a great deal differently than anyone else.”

It’s whispered to Sugawara while a mug of ale is being placed in front of him. It’s Shimizu, the matron who runs both the servant and guard kitchens. She’s soft-spoken and never indulges much of anything, but Sugawara knows her to gather intelligence from the people of the keep like nobody else. She was one of the first people he entrusted his secret task to and it seems to have paid off already within the first week. He doesn’t outwardly react to her sentence but simply takes a sip from the mug placed before him. You’ve given Sugawara the afternoon and evening off, much to his chagrin, as you’re being fitted in your coronation outfit before there’s a dinner with the dukes of the kingdom, so he’s set to investigating further.

 He walks down the hallways of the upper quarters as he plans to excavate information on the duchy of Hiashi, which is one of the northern duchies, near the border. He’s heard of squabbles with the area, of his mentor mentioning agriculture issues. The northern duchies as a whole supply most of the farming for the kingdom and the drought six years ago has yet to heal them completely, try as the former crown might’ve. It’s also only a stone’s throw away from the attack on the crown, which makes Sugawara’s brows furrow as he’s leaned over some documents. It wouldn’t be a stretch to make that connection. He’s pulled out of his thoughts with a knock upon the door and is surprised to see his mentor there.

He looks disheveled. There’s no other word that can describe what Sugawara sees before him, except a broken man.

He’s seen a lot of them lately.

Wordlessly, he takes a seat on the opposite side of the desk and lets out a gruff laugh, “he used to love staying in here, holed up with his maps.”

Sugawara opts to sit down as well, figuring he needs to say something. he sighs and sinks further down into the chair, bony fingers gripping the armrest. “It suits you,” he mutters and sends a look towards the pin next to Sugawara’s cravat that he feels too stuffy in but is unfortunately comes with the uniform. Sugawara’s hands instinctively travel to it, feeling grounded by its presence. The silence stretches out for some time, Sugawara unsure on how to breach it – if he even should.

“I should’ve gone with him.”

The confession hits like a brick to his face. The grieve of his mentor is one thing, but to know he feels guilty? It pricks at Sugawara’s heart like knives. He stayed because Sugawara felt ill, if anything, it’s Sugawara’s guilt to bear.

Before he can articulate any of that, an arm is raised dismissively, “it has nothing to do with you. Rationally, of course,”- he gives Sugawara a knowing look-“it wouldn’t have made a difference. It was just a routine visit, I wasn’t needed there. I was needed with you, here.”

“I’ve had fevers before.” Sugawara tries, sucking in his upper lip. His mentor croaks a laugh and shakes his head, “yes but none as bad.”

“You say that every time I’ve ever had a fever.”

He shakes his head and gets up from the chair, rolling his shoulders, “ah. Talking to you have lightened my mood. See, sometimes I need you like you used to need me.” He winks at him and Sugawara pouts, “that’s not fair.”

A solemn smile crosses his face as his eyes stay on the map in front of Sugawara, “I know. I just came here to remind you that it had nothing to do with you and wasn’t your fault. I can see the guilt you try to expertly hide when you stand next to the crown. It’s heavy on your shoulders, isn’t it?”

Bull’s eye.

Sugawara’s breath hitches as he tries to conceal a sob. His mentor puts his arms behind his back and looks at the walls, lined with maps and art made by the former crown, his former friend. “And so it is so. So many souls carry the burden of this death. Heavy are the crow’s wings, my son.”

  As Sugawara’s left alone in a room drowning in the touch of their former crown, he finds himself making a fist to control anything that might slip through his own walls.

His father-figure is still here. He’s not the one losing a family member - you are. He will have to pull it together.

 “What are you doing?”

His fist untightens as he gasps in what he hopes is a low enough volume when he hears your voice from the other side of the desk. He hadn’t even heard you come in.

“Uh,” he fumbles around a bit, pretending to look for a specific map. “Uhm, one second,” he tries as he searches his brain for a way to sniffle without making a sound.

He hears you giggle and freezes on the spot, your laugh putting out the fire in his nerves. “It’s okay, Sugawara, you can take it easy with me.”

He inhales slowly, “right. I apologize, your majesty.” And finally looks up at you and smiles. You walk around the desk to stand next to him, “what are you looking for?” you ask, your hand tracing the top document, one being a map of the agricultural areas of grain from the Hiashi duchy. He shakes his head to gather his thoughts again as he points, “I got a tip to look into the Hiashi. There was a drought six years ago that devastated most of their crops.”

You raise your eyebrows, “you think it’s got something to do with my father’s passing?”

Sugawara’s unsure whether or not he should confirm that suspicion to you. After all, you’ve got a dinner with said duke in just a few moments. Out of the corner of his eyes, Sugawara can see you’re well-dressed and ready for the small banquiet. “Your majesty, maybe we shall discuss this after the dinner has been completed.”

You turn your head to him in confusion, staring daggers into his skull. He can feel them and he’s almost afraid to face you, fearing he might’ve overstepped. “Sugawara,” you say to catch his attention and he looks up from the parchments in front of him in equal parts confusion and fear, “yes your majesty?”

You put a hand on his shoulders, “the dinner has ended. I came here to find you before retiring for the night. You weren’t in your study.”

Huh?

Sugawara’s eyes must’ve popped out of the sockets with the way you retreat, a hand to your mouth. “Good Gracious, have you not gotten any of the rest I ordered you to?”

He blinks owlishly at you, his mouth in a tight line, “pardon, your majesty?”

You groan dramatically and to Sugawara’s surprise, flicker your pointer finger at his forehead, “I gave you the night off so that you could rest! You’ve been looking more and more exhausted and I understand that acclimating to your new job title requires adequate rest and care!”

Huh?

He sits down with his palms pressing his forehead, where you hit him – without holding back. You look at him with your eyes furrowed, “it’s part of your job to follow the crown’s orders.”

Sugawara laughs then. He laughs loudly and unabashed as his hands travel from his forehead to his cravat to loosen it up. He laughs with his mouth open wide and eyes closed. You wonder if he’s lost it before you grab the stool in the corner to sit next to him.

“I apologize deeply, your majesty. Since you’re technically still Crown-in-Waiting, I assumed the order wouldn’t apply until after the ceremony.”

You huff out a disgruntled laugh at his joke before you sigh out, “I shall be more clear next time. Well then, show me what you spent the last few hours on, if you won’t mind following an order from a simple Crown-in-Waiting.”

The mirth in your eyes makes Sugawara laugh again and lean over the table with you, pointing at the different farms and explain how the drought hit and the other specifics. He’s so caught up in his lecture that he hardly registers the way you yawn halfway in or the way you slowly but steadily sway towards him.

The weight of your head collides with his shoulder and Sugawara tenses up like a pulled spring. Slowly he turns his head to find you soundly asleep, the quill you’ve been writing notes within your hand now displaced and rolling over the map, spreading ink in its wake. He clears his throat after a moment too long before he dares speak but before any words can leave his mouth, he sighs and tries to relax his posture to make it more comfortable for you. You’re right, acclimating to a new job title requires care and proper rest. He takes a moment to be selfish like he never is and slowly, silently breathes in your scent, moving his head slightly to admire the way your mouth moves in tandem with your slow breathing. He feels like he has to physically restrain himself from caressing your soft cheek and it proves harder than he thought until he gathers his courage to address you and try to gentle stir you awake, “your majesty?”

A mixture of childish whines and grumbles leave you as you cuddle closer to him, your arm encircling his and he swears he feels his soul leave his body at your behavior. He steels his resolve for a moment with a few breaths before he decides. “Can’t be helped then,” he sighs and gently pats the top of your head, deciding that if his own royal highness, the soon to be crown sees his shoulder as an adequate resting place, he is not one to make disputes. You deserve as much rest as anyone else and if he can provide even an ounce of comfort to his beloved crown, he’ll sacrifice whatever it’ll take.

 Here are the bonus additions my cat has made on this document as I’ve been writing it (he’s also deleted three paragraphs that I luckily regained):

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