#how did i do it in 2016 i think it would kill me now

[wavepriism]

happy birthday to the character that ruined my life

[wild-at-mind]

Seeing some posts on my dash that are kind of in the wheelhouse of the stuff I was just posting about. I really like their posts normally and I don't want to unfollow but :/.

[decolonize-the-everything]

what do you realistically believe will happen if those on the left wing do not vote for democrats? do you believe that will single handedly reform the system? or do you believe trump will win and ruin the lives of millions of americans who would have been okay under the democrats?

Y'all tried to threaten us in 2016 and how did that turn out for you?

I'm native. I'm not voting for a genocidal Democrat. For a genocidal anyone for that matter. Y'all are lucky I vote at all, I have no fucking business participating in the genocidal colonial-settler project that killed my family and decimated my people and hundreds of other tribes.

"how are you gonna reform the system if you dont-"

Shut up. You literally won't refuse to even entertain the idea of voting for someone who's clearly stated goals are to reform the system just because they're a 3rd party.

Again, y'all are lucky I'm willing to vote at all. The person I vote for sure as hell won't be someone who's actively taken steps to repeat America's first mistake.

"how will we ever reform"

It's been 500 years and youre STILL justifying a genocide and convinced you're the fucking good guys. You won't. This country will never reform because even it's fucking liberals dont think a genocide is worth a threat to the status quo.

Die mad with Trump as your president and know it's people like YOU who literally fight progressives and activists that let it happen.

You are settling for fascism not me

"how will we reform"

Give me a fucking break and ask the white people that have had power from day 1 and to this day continue to vote in their own interest.

You want reform? Take it up with the people who Don't want reform at all instead of me. I'm giving you my vote, you don't get to tell who to vote for.

That'd be fascism. And if your country falls apart without fascism to make it function, good. Fascist countries don't deserve to exist.

"what do you think will happen to the people-"

Idk maybe Biden should've actually codified something instead of just promising to do it after his presidential elections or after Dems won mid terms like he said he would or trying to maybe even back when he was a vp or-

You don't get to hold me accountable for the way your party has chosen to actively fail everyone alive right now.

I'm not a politician. Natives couldn't even vote everywhere until the 70's!!! You can't be serious with this victim blaming nonsense and blame shifting.

If you message me then get rid of that cognitive dissonance you have.

"ruin the lives of millions of americans-"

Which lives aren't already ruined? If you are marginalized or someone who experiences intersecting marginalizations then you must've already been making donation posts on Tumblr and Twitter. And that's those of us who can post.

So who's life are you thinking of?

Your party is a party upholding white supremacists values and that's why they're so okay with xenophobia and genocide overseas but want to increase racist police budgets despite the war crimes being committed by police against Black people and protesters on the daily. And if you think American lives are more important than anyone else's in general (you're the one that told me to consider the lives of Americans while several genocides are happening), that's nationalism! The first step to straight up white nationalism and white supremacy. And you're acting like its rational in my asks on behalf of your party!!!

Don't be shy. Let's think critically here. What does that mean about who's lives you consider valuable and worth saving? Who is it? Who. Tell me. Go on.

Hope this helps ;3

[txttletale]

can you elaborate on the reasons ? what criticisms do you disagree with?

criticisms i disagree with:

"they character assassinated jane" amiguita there was no character to assisnate.

"they character assassinated dirk" dirk is at his most interesting and likeable ever and is just about the only redeeming thing about these

"they were just written to spite the fans" if true tht would have been Epic, and Based. but they very obviously werent

"its too violent and sexual for cheap shock humour" did you. read homestuck, the web comic? what were you Expecting... also like it or not the sexual content isnt just random or gratuitous it is obviously trying to be a conclusion to the whoel coming-of-age theme of homestuck as a work.

"so-and-so is out of character" homestuck characters are malleable little dolls that can be rearranged to suit the narrative at a whim. this is true about all fictional characters ofc but it is like explicitly textually metaphysically true in homestuck

my criticisms:

the heavy-handed political messaging is fucking tedious and awful and so profoundly of its time in a bad way. its clearly a reaction to trump but it doesnt have anything interesting to say about him or fascism or racism or anything, really, except, um. Cheeto in the white house?. the whole Evil Jane plot is too stupid and contrived for the sake of the satire to take seriously but also its awful satire written by liberals who think fascism as invented in 2016 by the orange man

god can we fucking talk about how fucking embarassing the obama shit is. jesus fucking christ. for a start it's a callback to a running jhoke in homestuck that is straight up just super racist. and they decide to pivot from the joke being 'its funny that theres a black president', which is good, but they pivot it to 'obama seems so heroic and magical now that we're stuck with the Orange Man', which, admittedly, is better than Being Racist, but also sucks shit. he killed people amiguitas.

'post-canon' is cheap bullshit. like, the work makes a big deal about tryng to talk about What Canon Is, without ever acknowledging the concept of, like, IP law. claiming to just be a non-canon continuation like any other when it's made by people with the Official Exclusive Legal Rights just feels hollow and detooths any liberatory/deconstructive potential there. unironically my opinion of it would go up like tenfold if it had been actually published in AO3 instead of just joking about it.

in general i think that all of the attempt to deconstruct fiction or storytelling is rooted in a really weird and flawed model of storytelling. a lot of it seems to be taking an extremely long route to writing something bad on purpose and then saying 'see, if you wrote something like this, it would be bad'. Okay. i like deconstructive collapsing narrative shit in e.g. if on a winter's night a traveller because i think calvino has trenchant and interesting insights about literature and storytelling. i do think hussie also has those but they essentially dropped and explored all of them in homestuck and the epilogues just seem like an attempt to connect ohomstuck's disparate and contradictory approaches to Narrative into one overarching schemata and then crtiique that schemata, which i think is a doomed project that results in little of interest to me.

[mcflymemes]

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS (2016) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

please don't say that. i don't want to be like my mother.

do you ever feel like your life has turned into something that you never intended?

that's a deal breaker for me.

we might be perfect for each other if we didn't live in the real world.

why do you always think the worst of me?

you're wrong. you and i are nothing alike.

i see we're settling for less now!

a package arrived for you. i found it in the mailbox this morning.

i'm sorry, but could you help me open this? i just cut my finger. paper cut.

in the end, you left me with the inspiration that i needed to write from the heart.

where were you last night?

by the time i left the office, i was late for my dinner.

it would have taken you fifteen minutes. fifteen minutes, and it would have meant a lot to me.

you didn't come to bed last night.

i didn't want to wake you up.

that doesn't sound like you.

are things a little better?

i'm surprised. i thought we were hiding it pretty well.

[name], i'm worried about you.

seriously, look at me. you scared me the last time that we talked.

i'm fine. i just can't believe i told you all of those things. i feel embarrassed about it.

what right do i have to not be happy? i have everything. i feel ungrateful not to be happy.

i think we just want different things. or maybe i want different things.

we get into things when we're young because we think they mean something.

do we really have to stop tonight? i'd rather just get there.

don't look at them. don't give them any reason.

sit still. they've probably got a gun.

don't get out of the car.

you're not supposed to leave the scene of an accident. it's a crime.

don't come any closer.

i'm a gemini, my favorite color is petal pink, and i like long walks and kittens.

you know what, we should call the police.

you got no fucking right to talk to me like that!

you'll get killed if you don't watch it.

may i use your phone?

could you see them in the dark?

i just wanted to hear your voice. i miss you.

you sound weird. are you okay?

you look beautiful as always.

would you like to have dinner?

you know, you were my first crush.

what a weird thing to say.

i'm sorry. i hope that doesn't offend you.

this is a ridiculous conversation. you're too young to get married.

oh my god, did you just say that? you really just said that? that came out of your mouth?

it's like the whole thing is a blur.

now listen. i've got to be honest with you. right now it's not looking good.

if i write it down, then it will last forever.

you know my name. i told you.

you didn't sleep again, did you?

who the hell are you? get off my property!

you'll take this the wrong way, but i think that you need to stop writing about yourself.

please don't start that again. it makes me feel like you don't believe in me.

you always get so fucking defensive about it.

i really wanted to be this person that you thought i was. i really did, but i'm just not that person.

you're wonderful and romantic, and sweet and sensitive, and all the things i'm not. life for you is kind of a dream.

weak. i'm weak. that's what you want to say. go ahead and say it. you've said it before. weak.

i'll live to regret this. i regret it now.

i got a certain pride in how people talk to me, and there are certain things i don't put up with.

nobody gets away with what you did.

may i get you a drink while you wait?

[darknight3904]

A preview to part two of the Gojo x Zenin!reader I wrote.

Warnings: None

September 2016 (Gojo: 26 You:25)

"Shut up Megumi!"

Tsumiki's room door slamming is loud enough to rattle the entire house.

"Not again..." Gojo groans from his spot on the couch.

Today was his first day off in months, he wished you were here and snuggled into the couch with him but instead, you were off on some mission with Nanami and that kid he was training, Ino was it?

Gojo wished you were here so you could deal with whatever the Fushiguro siblings were fighting about now. You had always been better at diffusing the situation that he was. After all, he'd often end up instigating more problems since Megumi was so funny-looking when he got mad.

"What's going on now?" Gojo asked the dark-haired boy

"Nothing. I just told her that her hair was weird looking today. Where is-"

"She's out on a mission with Nanamin. I'll be handing dinner tonight so go start your homework and apologize. " Gojo said

"You sure you can handle that without burning the place down?" Megumi asked

"Of course I can! I'm the strongest sorcerer alive...I can handle a little dinner."

"Goodnight, Zenin-san!" Ino called out the window as the car drove away

He really was a lovely boy, strong too. Nanami had trained him well. The walk up the sidewalk to your shared home with Gojo and the kids was your last sliver of peace though as you could already hear yelling.

What horrors awaited you on the other side of this door?

"Megumi, would it kill you to help out?"

"Yeah probably. That pot is gonna overflow."

Your feet quickly carry you to the kitchen where Satoru is standing amongst...well you're not really sure what he's trying to cook.

"What's going on?" You ask

"You're home!" Gojo called excitedly, "How's Nanamin?"

"He's great. What's all this?" You ask gesturing to a pan that's been burned so bad its normally white bottom is black with charred food.

"He's trying to make dinner. He's been trying for almost two hours." Megumi says

"Satoru you're 26, can't you cook anything?" You ask as you pull your hair up, ready to take the spoon away from him

"I can cook. " He defends

"Frozen chicken nuggets don't count." You laugh

"Hey!"

Gojo watches as you toss what he was working on, to be frank, he's not sure what he was trying to make at this point. It had started as pork katsu and then evolved into a disaster.

"What's wrong now?" You ask as you rummage through the fridge.

"I wanted to have a nice meal ready for when we got back from your mission. Like you do for me." Gojo says

You can hear the pout in your boyfriend's words.

"It's alright, Satoru. It's the thought that counts." You assure him

"Next time you go away, I'm going to make the best dinner ever." He declares, resting his chin on your shoulder as you fill a pot up with water.

"Well, Nanami and I have orders for Friday...so I'd get learning, Satoru." You smile.

"Perfect. Friday night, my dinner will be even better than yours. I'm going to go pick out a recipe on my laptop." He declares marching off to who knows where.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Megumi." You say, the boy rarely asked questions, so you were always excited to answer them when he did.

"Can you get someone else to cover your mission on Friday? I think if you leave him alone with the kitchen again he might blow us all up."

The rest of this is out now. Check it out here

My Masterlist

[elswing]

i hate posting discourse it's pointless and doesn't do anything for me except prolong my annoyance but i'm Tired™ and feel like shouting into the void. apologies to my beautiful feanorian mutuals please look away i love u

i neeeeeeed everyone to stop claiming they like elwing if their characterisation of her is completely made-up biased bullshit that paints her as an immature and disdained ruler (?????) who couldn't balance her responsibilities with the husband she married too young (at 22. practically a child bride honestly) and the children she never wanted (where. where does it say this). she's clearly such a bad mother that she abandoned them at first opportunity (she knew the feanorians were more than capable of killing a pair of twin boys because they literally already did that. that's very much a thing that already happened. to her brothers) and it was her selfish nature that made her soooo eager to flee (she had no reason to think ulmo would save her it was literally a suicide attempt. she wanted to make sure the deaths of her people and presumed deaths of her sons weren't in vain by ensuring they never obtained the silmaril)

like i'm gonna touch your hand as i say this. it's okay if you hate her! just don't pretend that you weren't thriving in the 2016 era of silm fandom where everyone pushed all their male fave's negative traits onto any other woman in a 5 mile radius to grab Poor Little Meow Meow status for war criminal #1 #2 and #3 to then turn around and spout the exact same (factually untrue) sexist rhetoric concealed under seven layers of buzzwords just because it's the year of "unlikable and complicated female characters" like buddy who are we talking about here. have you perhaps considered making an oc?

and i'm NOT saying i want the whole fandom to mimic my exact opinions and thoughts about elwing i realise that one of the best parts of the silm is how divisive it is and how you have so much wiggle room to come to your own interpretations because of how VAGUE the source material is but i'm genuinely convinced everyone's just parroting shit they saw in ao3 fanfics where maglor is secretly lindir and the premise is elrond sneaking him into valinor and elwing yells at him for slaughtering her people. TWICE. and this is framed as a category 5 Woman Moment so elrond disowns her and calls maglor his real dad

(eärendil misses this entire ordeal because he went on a voyage to save the world that one time and no one's let him live it down since because the whole fandom as a collective decided he did this because he's a terrible dad and not because the whole continent was at war and about to be wiped out and maybe he came to the unfortunate but reasonable conclusion that leaving is the best thing he could do for his family if it meant there was a chance his sons could grow up safe in a world that wasn't ruled by Fucking Satan so now his whole Beloved Sacrificial Lion: The Thin Line Between Doomed and Prophesized Hero™ shtick is tossed out in favour of.... *checks notes* Guy Who Forgot To Pay Child Support? oh and they're a lot louder about this because he's a man so no one can call it misogyny that's why no one ever goes the #girlflop #ILoveMyBlorbosNastyAndComplicated route with him and he gets dubbed as that one asshole who just wanted fame and glory even though that goes against the general themes for tolkien's hero characters. and tolkien loved that dude to bits that was his specialist little guy so you can't seriously tell me you think that's what he was trying to portray???????? is that seriously what you think he was trying to portray????????? babe????????????

also there's a BIG difference when it's a character that's only named in one draft and doesn't exist in the rest or gil-galad who has like three and a half possible fathers but ELWING??????? the only possible way you could be coming to these conclusions is if you read the damn book with your eyes closed. FUCK.

[celaenaeiln]

do you ever think about how canonically in the batman v superman movie/universe, dick grayson is the dead robin and bruce never picked up another kid which eventually led to him killing superman?

YES?! YES! YESS!!!!

If Dick were to die, Bruce would completely break. He wouldn't just stop at killing villains - hell no - he would start killing heroes too.

All that's going through his head is that no one deserves to exist if Dick is gone.

And knowing me, I will always gladly provide the evidence.

In the comics when Dick got shot, Bruce's world imploded.

He felt such a strong rage, he kinda lost it. He flew to another country, defeated assassins, and trucked through the freezing blizzard in Russia to get to KG Beast.

Batman (2016) Issue #56

The utter, undiluted rage on his face.

Batman (2016) Issue #56

He lost communication with Alfred. He's completely on his own but nothing will stop him in his crusade to avenge Dick.

He finds the assassin and they have a massive fight. KG Beast is actually one of the highest paid killers in the world. Him, Lady Shiva, Deathstroke, Deadshot, and someone else are the top 5 of the villain world and Batman almost loses until-

Batman (2016) Issue #57

He shoots a grapple gun into KG Beast's face! He breaks him. He leaves him paralyzed.

His horror at what the Joker has done to Barbara is gone in the face of his hatred for what happened to Dick.

Batman (2016) Issue #57

Batman willingly and knowingly paralyzed someone despite knowing the cost. That's how much he hated him. But you think it stops here? This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Batman (2016) Issue #57

And this is where it all goes to hell.

Batman, the vigilante who beat his own son for killing criminals, leaves this criminal for the dead.

The Gotham commissioners talk about it

Batman (2016) Issue #60

Forget Batman. JTTF stands for Joint Terrorism Task Force. They actually considered a hit on Nightwing an act of terrorism.

That's how much the world loves Nightwing.

The moment KG Beast shot Nightwing, he became the Nation's Public Enemy Number One.

Commissioner Grogan hates KG Beast so much for what he did, he can't even bring himself to say the man's name, too revolted by his existence. Gotham hates the guy more than they hate the Joker.

Batman (2016) Issue #60

Commissioner Gordon offers some hope that maybe Batman knew but Commissioner Grogan - he just says maybe. I don't know, it's possible but - to which Gordon just stays silent. They both know what happened and what Batman did but confirming it out loud? Batman's not supposed to kill.

So Batman left KG Beast to die but Bane? The one who ordered the hit? He-

Batman (2016) Issue #59

And when Gordon tries to stop him-

Batman (2016) Issue #59

He. Punches. Gordon.

He hurts his friend and ally. The man who helped him the night his parents were murdered. He punched for his pain over Dick.

This is where it all connects to the Superman vs Batman movie. If Dick were to die, Bruce would kill his own allies in the end. He would raze the world to the ground.

In the comics, Dick's death is the turning point for Batman (2016). After this he enters a series of nightmares where his brain turns a nightmare of Selina dying to be exactly reminiscent of what happened to Dick, and even though Dick lived, Bruce can't let that go. Then the fight with Bane who targeted Dick solely because of his importance to Dick, and then the Joker War where the Joker tried to use Dick because of his importance to Bruce, and the Gotham War where Dick thrashing him was Bruce's breaking point from his toxic self and finally self-realization.

Damian once said Dick leaving to become Nightwing caused Bruce to lose his moral compass, and that's even more true now. He's breaking enemies and allies left and right just because Dick almost died.

Imagine what would happen if Dick really did.

[cherryblossombombs]

I have an issue with the "the giga cover is likely fujobait" because I can't help but think:

if it was truly fujobait, why now?

Why try to get their attention if MHA is now in the 100M club? The series now so popular, hori/jump doesn't need queer shippers to increase its popularity.

Why try to get fujos and queer fans, if it's already popular in that group? Wasn't it apparently shown that MHA is more popular with women and LGBTQ+ fans?

Why try to get that audience when hori had the chance to do that back in 2016-2018 when Kr//bk was the popular gay ship? Wasn't there an interview where someone pretty much asked hori if he's for kr//bk, but instead of playing along, hori made it about bkdk (the ship that no one took seriously at the time) and said he saw the hand hold more about bkdk angst. Kr//bk was a popular ship, it had bones making official art of them. The smash parody manga had moments of it. Two heroes was their movie [I believe hori didn't really help in that movie. However, notice how in the second movie, (he was a part of that one), focused on bkdk (again, the ship no one took seriously)]. Hori had the ability to use that ship as bait, but he seemed to be the only one out of everyone else to not go for it. Instead he kept pushing for the ship that was thought to be too toxic to even become a platonic ship.

If horikoshi did not want bkdk to seen as romantic, why isn't he stopping jump for implying it? You really can't say that he has no ability to, the guy went to bones and told them the ending. Now, notice how bones suddenly stopped making iz//ch moments and added a bkdk moment in the recap episodes (something that they would never do 2 seasons prior). The assistant (whom hori is friends with) is a loud speaker of dkbk lol. Hori follows him on twitter, there's no way that hori hasn't seen his dkbk art once. Same for katsuki's JP VA (who is also a friend of Hori).

Why try to bait the audience when the manga is ending?

Idk, maybe there's a chance he is actually queerbaiting and make iz//ch canon, but again, after everything?

After the togachako arc? He had made ochako confess her crush on midoriya, only for seconds later to not only brush it off as unimportant (unimportant in the sense of it was more of way to relate to toga and speak with her, it wasn't really used as a "canon izu//ocha" moment), she tells toga that she could have ochako's blood for the rest of her life (and we know that's toga's love language of returning/accepting her feelings) and she told toga that she had the cutest smile in the whole world. Like, didn't hori say that toga was made for ochako's character? I feel like it wouldn't make sense for hori to do all of this, then have ochako end up with midoriya, it would feel like a middle finger to toga tbh.

After chapters 285, 322, 362, 367, 403, and 404? The apology? The "you're the closest one to midoriya izuku, therefore I need to kill you in order to make him go crazy". The heart shaped black whip after seeing bakugou's dying body? The "their feelings became one" double spread? this bullet point could be spread to about 2-3 document pages, but I'm just going to summarize for this post lol. But overall, these chapters (and a few more), show me (imo) that it the "fujobait" claim isn't really strong to use against bkdk.

Again, maybe this is queerbait, because I know that there are times where other media/anime have done simliar and still had the MC in a heterosexual relationship, and leave everyone dumbfounded lol. Once again, all I say to this is "let's see what happens."

P.S. Isn't this the same author who said that he thought that naruto was going to end at 698 (the implied SNS ending) lol? Idk if it's true, that's just something I've heard.

[oroontheheels]

Daddy’s gonna be real honest with you kittens.

I’m disappointed with current Venom Run. Let me be real CLEAR here. I don’t hate it. I don’t have beef with its creator. So for a long period of time I was telling everyone “it’s a mess, but it’s better that Donnie Cates”.

But I think comparing them is not correct and let me explain why.

So Donnie Cates. Our boy. Extra edgy, made some terrifically BAD retcons, hated symbrock, tried to make Eddie Brock as trad as possible (giving him human son and all). Plus he ignored the fact that Sleeper was a child of Venom and Eddie. “nOt BioLoGiCalLy” Eddie’s but he called Eddie “father” and they both deeply cared about each other. So Donnie Cates couldn’t allow this either.

But! Donnie Cates while fighting the yaoi made the story ironically even more gayer. It was a train wreck but at the end of the day at least it was fun to laugh at this “closeted shipper” as I like to call him.

And most importantly? At the end they were still “Venom family”. All 4 of them. In Donnie Cates comics.

Now Al Ewing and Ram V… It was… ok. I like Dylan, I like Venom, I like Sleeper. I didn’t like that they “killed” Eddie right at the start of the story and sent him running solo trough time traveling shenanigans. I liked him interacting with Doctor Doom. I liked Meridus being gay with Kang and with that one old man.

But what I lacked is interactions between Venom and Eddie. They almost didn’t interact.

But like, okay. Let Eddie do his thing, let Venom singlemom it out. Also did I mention Ewing and V made Dylan Venom’s son? That was NICE. That’s I liked. A LOT.

And immideatly got my hops up.

Which was a mistake.

So the problem is where Donnie was closeted shipper, I’m starting to believe that Ewing and V don’t actually see Venom and Eddie as a romantic partnership. Or even all that important partnership.

If you check Spider Man Venom War comics, Venom talks A LOT about how much “Saint Peter”(Parker) means to him. It’s very gay very romantic very deep. But at the next pages it also downgraded Eddie role in Venoms life?? Venom is like “so yeah Peter taught me to save lives so I saved Eddie from offfing himself”. And that’s almost it. No emphasis on their bond, on Eddie’s feelings, of their bond. Almost nothing, really.

And now it’s Venom War and Venom says “wow Peter and I are sooo perfect, also it feels nice punching Eddie in the face”.

So what. Venom hates Eddie now? After all those years of forgiveness?? And it wasn’t elaborated in the slightest??

I would hate it but I WOULD understand if they wanted to make Parker new host for Venom for a while. But they don’t?? Apparently Al Ewing planing to give Venom new host (all of the candidates SUCK for the role btw). And if I understood one of his interviews correctly he want to send all the characters their separate ways.

Here’s the statement

Which annoyed me. A LOT. Like i understand that cis hetero males bring all the money to Marvel. We little faggots don’t bring so much cash. So our feelings and wants are not important. But isn’t there big ass FANDOM for symbrock? People who advertise comics for free with their art and activities?? Are we not important whatsoever? And on top of that wasn’t EVERYONE celebrating when Eddie got Venom back (in 2016)?? Don’t we all love homoerotic weird ass bond these two have??

And what does it even mean “yeah it’s been a while since Eddie and Venom have been together”. It wasn’t. Donnie Cates first made Venom into amnesiac DOG, then sent him into exile and then kept him and Eddie from having meaningful interaction until the very end of his run. Everyone who loves symbrock were STARVING.

And Al Ewing and Ram V story separated Eddie into his own story line.

And now Al Ewing tilling us “yeah it’s been too long, it’s time to move on”.

It’s like giving starving person a cup of water and saying “well now you are fed, let’s go on a 20km hike”.

“My work here is done” Tuxedo Mask meme

So like… yeah.

If they’ll make Sleeper a traitor this will be so bad. This will drop from 6/10 to 0/10 immediately.

Not looking forward to Venom future.

And the WORST part? I feel like they are pulling out “this relationship is toxic so it’s cancelled” card on symbrock. They never do that on hetero ships, but they happily destroy gay ships with that argument.

It sucks.

I hope I’m wrong. But like Venom gets new host this December. There’s not much room left to give us decent amount of Symbrock IF writers even want that.

[sansxreaderbraindump]

Stored Away Headcanon pt 1

If the Sans's found out about your old fanfiction and drawings UNDERSWAP! SANS He found out by finding a certain shoe box in your room, at first he thought "wowie new shoes!" but what he opened instead was slightly crumpled papers. He was a bit disappointed of not getting shoes but was curious on what was written on the mysterious papers. "A LITTLE READING SHOULDN'T HURT" oh boy he didn't know what he was going into. he saw his own nickname with "x [name]" he was ecstatic to see his very own fanfiction about him and you, but when he starting reading the romantic parts of you and him dating. He couldn't help but swoon at the drawings and dating scenarios between you and him, it could have some rewriting but overall he loves it. he was giggling and kicking his feet when your character kissed him! (he had to set it down to hide his flustered face and giggles) * WOWIE I DIDNT KNOW THE HUMAN HAD SUCH PASSIONATE LOVE FOR ME! I SHOULD TAKE THEM ON A DATE!! While he was reading the 2016 fanfiction, you rushed in and to your horror you see Swap reading your old fanfics. Quickly, You snatched the papers and fanart away from him. You screeched as quiet as you can, questioning Swap. "Why are you in my room!" * I WAS TRYING TO FIND YOU! BUT YOU WERENT IN YOUR DOMAIN BUT I WAS CAPTIVATED BY THIS BOX! "HOW MUCH DID YOU READ!?" * EVERYTHING!! AND HUMAN I MUST SAY, I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD SUCH STRONG FEELINGS FOR ME!! CAN'T SAY I BLAME YOU" Your world shattered and you crumpled into the floor, groveling into your self loathing and embarrassment with the papers spread out on the floor. You felt like your going to die any second now, you don't wanna even look at him therefore you tug your hoodie strings to hide your face, muffling a question to Swap. "Are you disgusted with me?" * DISGUSTED!?!? Swap immediate lift you by the arm pits and proudly stated. * HUMAN TO THINK YOU WOULD WRONGLY GUESS ME, THE MAGNIFICENT SANS BE DISGUSTED BY THESE PASSIONATE AND GENUINE WRITING!! AND I MUST PROCLAIM THAT THIS LOVE SHALL NOT BE UNREWARDED!! * HUMAN HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME AND THE OTHER ME'S? TO MAKE THINGS FAIR. "wait wut." Swap set you onto your feet to pick up your fallen fanfiction, You open your hoodie cocoon in disbelief You didn't know how to react to his statement. While you were trying to collect your mind, swap noticed there were other more fanfiction for his other "me's"! * IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE MORE OF THESE LOVE LETTER FOR MY OTHER SELF'S. * WE SHOULD SHOW THEM YOUR LOVE! "WAIT WAIT WAIT NONONONO!" You try to plead with Swap but he's already out of the room. "well that's it I'm going to kill myself :/" Extras - Swap will always take care of your love letters and fanfiction. will guard it with his life. - When it is night time US! sans will always reread the fanfics. 100% will giggle like a schoolgirl because he loves it so much!

DUSTTALE! SANS - At first, he didn't believe it when Swap told him about the fanfiction that was once he was when swap showed him the papers in his face. - You in the meanwhile, finally got the energy to chase down swap but it was too late. Dust was reading it, you wanted to die all over again right now. You try to ask for him to hand it back to you, but your pleads fell silent to a murmur instead. - you went back to groveling in your self loathing and embarrassment again. all he did was silently read your 2016 fanfiction, you can't see what expression he was wearing by his hood and was uncomfortable by how silent he was. You thought about the negative reaction he was going to show but he didn't.... - instead he carefully fold the papers with care and silently stored it in his hoodie pocket and then gone back to what he was doing before.

".....huh?" *SEE, HUMAN! I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO LOVE IT! (alr im going leave it off here. i will make a pt2 with fell, horror, and snas headcanon reaction later so yea hope u like this one :p)

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

Everyone’s gone UFO crazy. Maybe The X-Files should come back

Chrissy Iley

MARCH 2, 2024

Starring in a poignant new film adapted from his own novel, David Duchovny reveals the heartache of almost losing his daughter... and why his most famous show could yet return

No wonder David Duchovny has written, directed and stars in his latest movie Bucky F***ing Dent... it’s based on his own bestselling 2016 novel of the same name. Poignant and funny, it examines a father-son relationship via baseball, with X-Files star David playing Marty the dad, who’s dying of lung cancer, and Logan Marshall-Green from Spider-Man: Homecoming as his estranged son Ted.

The real Bucky Dent went down in history for scoring an unlikely home run for the New York Yankees in a 1978 tie-breaker against arch rivals the Boston Red Sox, and the film’s title is how generations of Boston fans have referred to him ever since, a metaphor for heartbreak. Set in that same year, the film follows struggling writer Ted as he moves back into his childhood home when he hears his father is dying, prompting a whirlwind of dark revelations from the past. Meanwhile, Boston fan Marty’s health dips whenever his beloved Red Sox lose, so New York fan Ted orchestrates the illusion of a Boston winning streak...

Marty has transferred his feelings for an old flame (the secret love of his life, not his wife) to the Red Sox. ‘The intensity of fandom has always puzzled me,’ says David. ‘It has to be a kind of sublimation. My father and I liked playing baseball; my best childhood memory is playing it with him and enjoying the simple communication you can have through a game, but we didn’t share the fandom thing.

‘Marty’s transposed his feelings for this woman to the Red Sox, and the movie is really about the idea of losing. In America there’s a sick addiction to winning and winners, but most of us have to lose every day. Suffering makes us human - it unites us all.’

There’s a moment in the film when Marty is talking about a chest infection that almost killed Ted as a child. Marty says he begged God or whoever to take his lungs instead and let Ted live. ‘One thing I’ve never told anyone is that when my daughter was nine months old she got really ill,’ reveals David. ‘Her mother [actress Tea Leoni] and I had to face the fact we might lose her and I remember feeling so devastated, I didn’t think I could love anything again if she died.’

His daughter West, now 24, has since become a successful actress who seems to have inherited her mother’s stunning blonde looks and her father’s charisma. ‘I think she has a greater passion for acting than either of her parents ever did,’ he says. They also have a son Kyd, 21, and David says the hardest moment of his life was telling them he and Tea were divorcing ten years ago, as his own parents had done when he was 12. ‘It was far worse telling them than actually experiencing it. When you’re a child you just try to get through it, you don’t feel responsible. As a parent I felt at least 50 per cent responsible.’

Tall and thin with good skin and an easy charm, David seems untouched by the ageing process, although this role is a huge shift from the Lotharios he usually plays, such as bed-hopping writer Hank in comedy-drama series Californication. Does getting older bother him? ‘Of course, and as an actor you have to think of the different roles you’ll be offered. When I was writing this script I was thinking I’d play Ted, the son. We tried to make it four or five years ago and I was still going to play Ted, but then when it came to doing it I realised it just wouldn’t work, so I thought I’d play Marty. And that was exciting because it was very different.’

Californication won two Emmys and a Golden Globe, but was notorious for its portrayal of LA’s seedier side. Does he think it could be made now? ‘Certainly they would insist on intimacy coaches, but I don’t think it would be made now, for the wrong reasons. There was a misunderstanding about what it was about. It was meant to be funny, and it was meant to be about family and love. But what everybody got excited about was not that,’ he says, referring to the furore over the sex scenes. ‘In my mind the show was misperceived.’

Another of David’s roles that would spark a row today was a transgender FBI agent in Twin Peaks in the early 90s, when almost no transgender women were on TV. Again it was groundbreaking. ‘But if you’re playing a murderer no one asks you, “Have you murdered people?”’ he says. ‘It was just being an actor.’

David is, of course, best known for The X-Files, in which he played UFO-obsessed FBI agent Mulder opposite Gillian Anderson’s sceptical Scully. The series finally bowed out in 2018 after 11 series, but could there ever be another? ‘Maybe - it might even be more current now,’ he says, referring to the recent release of top-secret UFO files in the US. ‘I’m not personally interested in UFOs so it doesn’t make it more exciting for me to revisit The X-Files. It was a role I played but I wasn’t passionate about the subject. Maybe I’m the only one who isn’t.’

There was a brouhaha at the time about the huge pay discrepancy between David and Gillian, and I wonder if it would be difficult for him to work with her again. ‘As far as I know, by the end there was no difference at all between us, but Hollywood salaries are very weird,’ he says. ‘I’m going to London soon and I’ll see Gillian because she lives there now. I saw her in the West End doing All About Eve and I enjoyed it. She wished me luck with Bucky too.’

In recent years David has explored his passion for music, releasing a couple of folk-rock albums. So does he see himself as an actor, a director or a musician? ‘All of them, I’m an artist,’ he says. ‘I can filter stuff through a song, a novel, a performance or through directing. There are all kinds of ways of being an artist. I write best about dramatic things. There’s a way to deal with suffering to create art.’

Bucky F***ing Dent, Glasgow Film Festival, Wednesday. Visit glasgowfilm.org

[esmeriandreamer]

Just saw someone call AO3 a "cp-website" and I'm gonna just-

Like I know every time the Archive has a fundraiser some people will crawl out of the woodworks and spout bullcrap, but geez-

If you don't like AO3, fine, that's your opinion. But don't call it a "cp-website", nor demonize people who donate to their fundraiser, from which a large part of the funds goes to KEEPING THE SERVERS AND HAVING PROPER LEGAL PROTECTION.

You know one of the main reasons why AO3 was created? Because in the "old days", if someone didn't like the fact that you, I dunno, wrote some wholesome gay fic online, they could report it and you might just lose your whole fic without warning, because think of the children, right? And to really put icing on the cake, your account might be deleted too. 🙃

Or, like I experienced, it won't just be one or three reports that get your fic taken down. Critics United for example was a group of these ~lovely~ people who would go on people's fics and suggest (harass) the author on how to change their fic to be "improved upon" (aka sanitize the fuck out of it so there is no trace of what they saw as gross/bad/wrong/cringe/sinful/etc.). If they didn't manage to harass you into deleting, they'd just mass report you.

I got literal death and rape threats for writing a Spamano version of Beauty and the Beast, told I was a criminal and that my parents should've killed me in my crib.

ALL OVER A STUPID LITTLE SELFINDULGENT FIC.

They even went so far as to track my username down from Fanfiction.net to Wattpad, and only once I got it on AO3 was the story able stay up because they had no way of harassing or reporting me like they could before, because I could easily turn my comments off to "registered users only" or even to "moderate comments." and that scared them off.

This was in 2016 by the way. Not even a decade ago. Now I could even block people if I want on AO3, so it gets harder to harass me, even if I did care.

But like yes, I agree on the fact that fics with cp are allowed on the site is rather gross. I would never write nor read it. But you know what helps with this?

AO3 HAS THIS TAGGING SYSTEM IN WHICH YOU CAN TAG AND FILTER OUT THE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE, SUCH AS FICS WITH THE UNDERAGE WARNING :D

And guess what? It works great! I never have to see fics with cp in it, because I filter my fics. And even if I see that I accidentally clicked on a fic like that? I click out of the page and move the fuck on.

People on AO3 can and have written the most repulsive shit known to man, but more often than not, it's tagged with big warnings in the description. I have read cringy and horrifying fics that still made me nauseous to think back on, that have changed how I look at certain characters. And guess what?

THEY STILL DESERVE TO EXIST AND BE READ BY OTHERS.

Besides, there is a very fine line as to what some people define concepts like cp. Like I define it as minors being forced/manipulated into sexual situations, while others might look at an adult anime character who looks like a little kid and say that they shouldn't be sexualized. We are both correct in our own digital space there.

I don't like "shota/lolita" nsfw stuff, others do, and so I am just letting those people be and I avoid that content. Same with scat, or watersports, or cnc. Avoid, click away, goodbye. I don't demand that all "they look young but they're actually an adult!" types of media should be banned, nor that people who enjoy (reading about) sex with bodily fluids should be publically shamed, or that people who consentually enjoy the dark fantasty of being forced should be treated like an actual rapist.

And that's really what this is about. Don't like it, don't read/look at it. This whole "but they are allowing xyz and I don't like that!!" argument is basically becoming the same right-wing argument as "but I see xyz as wrong/bad/a sin and therefor nobody should be allowed to enjoy it."

If AO3 were to be forced to ban one thing, like people dealing with their childhood SA by writing a fic about it, who is to say they won't be forced to ban something like CNC next? What about kink? Queerness? Because that is the road a lot of right-wing people want you antis to take.

It's a main reason AO3 has fundraisers. For the servers to stay up. For legal support when a company claims fanfic is bad. For times that those things might get more expensive to maintain.

And because AO3 is of the few websites that allow everyone, especially queer people, to make art and have that art be protected from those that wish to destroy anything they do not like. And yes, that protection includes protecting work made by "bad" people.

So chill, skip over that fic you don't want to see, don't donate to or interact with AO3 if you don't want to, and maybe touch some grass? That would be great.

Rant over uwu

[louisupdates]

[Translated from Portuguese]

LINK TO VIDEO INTERVIEW

Former member of the British boy band One Direction, Louis Tomlinson will perform, in May, three shows in Brazil. It will be the third time that the musician will perform in the country, an experience that, according to him, is always chaotic - and "in the best possible sense". This is what the singer said to g1, in an interview held at Allianz Parque, where he will play in São Paulo, on May 11.

The shows are from the "Faith in the Future" tour, in which Louis returns to his latest album, released in 2022. The setlist also involves songs from the album "Walls" and, of course, One Direction hits.

Fever among children and adolescents in the 2010s, the pop group was formed from the TV show "The X Factor" and lasted six years, breaking up in 2016. Since then, the musicians have followed a solo career. A fact that, in Louis' eyes, is inevitably competitive.

"Your only reference is to compare yourself with the other members," said the Englishman. "You start to think, 'If they're getting this, why am I not getting it?'"

On Spotify, the number of monthly listeners among artists differs a lot. The most popular star of the divorced boy band, Harry Styles has about 58.2 million. Next are Zayn Malik (27.3 million), Niall Horan (17.3 million), Liam Payne (5.7 million) and Louis (2.9 million).

But if success meters like this were once a burden for the musician, today they are no longer, according to him, who also made a point of reiterating that he has always been proud of his friends.

In the interview, the musician also commented on subjects such as the conspiracy theories that describe him as a partner of Styles, the changes of concept between his albums, a Brazilian remix of his "Kill My Mind" - from the funkeiro FP of Trem Bala -, and his interest in fashion

g1 - What is the main difference between the Louis Tomlinson of the X Factor, 2010 and the Louis Tomlinson of today?

Louis Tomlinson - There is a lot of naivete in the boy who appeared in the X Factor. I really didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't know how that would put me sitting here. I definitely had no idea what I was acquiring.

I think I feel much more fulfilled. More confident. It took me a while to have enough courage to say: 'I'm creative, I'm a singer, I'm a composer

Now, I'm just internalizing all these feelings. When you grow up in a place like Doncaster, where I grew up, it takes a while to believe in all these things. Because you only watched it from afar, on TV or on the radio. So, when you become one of these people, there is a whole process until you believe and understand everything.

g1 - And what is the greatest similarity?

Louis Tomlinson - Probably my appearance (laughs). Well, I hope my fans don't correct me here. I like to think that I've always had a very lovely relationship with them. I think that's the only constant thing.

g1 - Do you know any Brazilian singer or band?

Louis Tomlinson - We were talking today about Anitta. And hm... Fresh? Fre? Fresno? I'm learning. I hope [the confusion with the band's name] didn't sound disrespectful, it wasn't my intention.

Do you have any recommendations for me? I got some tips today. What do you have for me?

g1 - There is a Brazilian musician called FP do Trem Bala. He made a remix of 'Kill My Mind'...

Louis Tomlinson - That's cool! So far, you were the one who made the best recommendation. Definitely.

g1 - Can I show you?

Louis Tomlinson - Of course!

g1 - What's up? Did you like it? Is there anything you would like to say to the FP of the Bullet Train?

Louis Tomlinson - Yes, it's a vibe. Fun. Very fun. Thank you for making a remix of the song.

g1 - This is your third time in Brazil. What comes to your mind when you hear things like 'doing a show in Brazil', 'Brazilian tour', or simply 'Brazilian fans'?

Louis Tomlinson - Chaos. And in the best possible sense. I totally love it.

Live experiences are defined by the most chaotic moments. And coming here and always feeling this energy is as if from the first drum beat, the fans were already there. It's a really triumphant feeling.

g1 - In musical terms, how was the experience of creating 'Faith in the Future' compared to 'Walls'?

Louis Tomlinson - I felt much more fulfilled, confident. I had more understanding of what I wanted to do and how to do it.

[On the first album], there was the factor that I left One Direction. It was as if my head was a mess and there was so much to think about... It didn't have a clear direction. I had to go through the experimentation phase to, in fact, understand who I am as an artist. That took time.

Throughout my creation of 'Walls', this was happening, but I was in a clearer, more concise place going to 'Faith in the Future'. And I think that made [the second] album better.

g1 - Recently, you created 28 Clothing, a fashion brand. What is your relationship with this sector?

Louis Tomlinson - I've always had a very funny relationship with fashion. Without a doubt, I'm interested in clothes, I've always been. Since I was young. But there is a level of haute couture that goes far beyond my understanding.

You know, I like to dress well. The brand is something I've always wanted to do. It is also intertwined with one of my [greatest] passions, football.

Football and fashion have been connected since the game was a game. People's fashion in the stands and everything else...

I think it's a very interesting thing and, for sure, a culture in which I was already inserted when I was younger. So, the brand helps me tell my story.

g1 - You once mentioned that you felt a little uncomfortable and more competitive at the beginning of your solo career. You said you were a little upset because you kept comparing your level of success with that of the other members of One Direction. Do you still feel that way?

Louis Tomlinson - No, I don't feel like it. Really. But I think that anyone - and obviously, there won't be many people who can identify with it - but anyone who has gone through a similar situation...

Being in a band and leaving on your own will always make your only reference be to compare yourself with other members. That's literally all you have.

I think it's a matter of maturity, actually. It took me a long time to look at it for what it was. Because that's where petulance begins. You start to think: 'If they're getting this, why can't I do it?'. And that becomes a little toxic.

Unfortunately, this is the nature of the music industry. It is naturally competitive. We are all competing for spots.

But now I see it in a very different way. And as I said, this requires maturity. I also needed to succeed on my own to be able to get through this. To overcome this.

Now, this comes back as I feel a confidence in saying these things.

Oh, and just to reiterate, because it's important: while I felt competitive, or more competitive than I am today, it wasn't like I wasn't immensely proud of everything the boys were doing.

It was more about reflecting on my own situation. Just about thinking: 'Oh, I wish I had a little of that'.

Now, I feel in a very, very, different place. And it's a nicer thing to feel, because being very competitive isn’t always the nicest feeling.

g1 - I imagine you hear questions like this all the time, right? Does it bother you?

Louis Tomlinson - Yes, it's okay. As I mentioned before, I understand the obvious public interest in One Direction. That's obvious. And you know, I appreciate that these things are interesting. I suppose [that they are].

g1 - Louis, many fans believe in the conspiracy theory that you’re dating Harry Styles, even though you describe this story as ridiculous. Why is this conspiracy so famous?

Louis Tomlinson - What I realized a few years ago is that there is nothing I can say, there is nothing I can do to stop those who believe in this conspiracy. They are so connected with what they believe they will not see the truth for what it actually is. I'm sure many people look and find all these little conspiracies that happen in life interesting.

I would be lying if I said it doesn't annoy me a little, but it's the nature of the work.

There are times when it gets very personal. I have my son, Freddie. He's the most important person in my life. And occasionally, [these theories] end up addressing things that are kind of unfair.

That's what we have now. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can say to stop people from inventing what they want to invent. So, so be it.

g1 - Finally, what is your favorite song at the moment and why?

Louis Tomlinson - My favorite album is Paolo Nutini's last. It's great, amazing. He's an amazing singer, maybe he's my favorite singer. It's indeed an inspiring album.

And favorite music... I can't remember the name, but it's from The Libertines, a band I've liked since I was young.

[eljeebee]

For Your Eyes Only

PRISSY: Communications #98[REDACTED] <packet>

HARRISON, Anthony Date of Birth: February 14, 1987 Place of Birth: UNKNOWN Height: 5’11 (180 cm) Weight: 187 lbs Threat Level Classification: Level 2 Level 5 </packet> AgentMaya: A. Harrison is a former agent of [REDACTED], the same organization his wife is currently working for. We don’t know why he left but at least we can monitor his activities easily, but Harrison is easy to miss. One minute we have a visual on him, the next blink, he’s gone. Our guess is that this is his wife’s doing. AgentMaya: I instructed my agents never to blink on him, but it seems like it never works, as every reason they tell me always is the same, “I saw something at the corner of my eye”. I always tell them it is easy to ignore, but when I was there, laying on my stomach, a scope in front of my eyes, an urge told me to look at my peripheral. By then, he was gone. AgentMaya: He’s not dangerous per se, but he’s a rogue mage, and from past activities, we’re not sure what he’s concocting in their home. We could lower the threat level, but with his wife’s hold on him…we raised him to level 5. X: You’re a fool for thinking he’s just Level 2 even if he’s without his wife. This is a clear picture of Anthony; how did you get it? AgentMaya: From their trash. <packet>

LUCIO, Albert Date of Birth: August 26, 1972 Place of Birth: [REDACTED] Height: 5’10 (177.8cm) Weight: 172 lbs Threat Level Classification: Level 5

</packet> AgentMaya: Lucio has been Wuest’s handler since 2016 – which I don’t believe. Lucio is a decorated man in their organization. He had been to many operations and had done them quite well. I had managed to snag a conversation with him, posing as a barista in a coffee shop he once frequents to. He’s a weathered man, which makes him more charming. Very. AgentMaya: I assume Lucio has become Wuest’s de facto father figure; I now know where to hit her where it hurts. X: That’s all? What about his background? Other than being Wuest’s handler? Lucio is a deadly man to her, he has quite a lot of confirmed kills of the same humanoid anomalies. Why is he just her handler? He should be moving to kill her already with how threatening she is. AgentMaya: I don’t know, X. X: What the fuck were you doing then? AgentMaya: He was so good in bed.

<packet>

“Moumou” Date of Birth: N/A Place of Birth: N/A Height: UNKNOWN Weight: UNKNOWN Threat Level Classification: Level 2 </packet> AgentMaya: Their household cat. The most noticeable thing about him is his heterochromia. Other than that, he looks like an unassuming cat. He wasn’t their cat before they moved to Bridgeport. AgentMaya: Superstitions say that black cats are unlucky, more so if you learned that this cat is an anomaly as well. It’s not as strong as hers. I assume he used his abilities to fight off other cats and hunt for food. I would say it’s easy to neutralize this thing…or we could capture it and train him for us. He responds well to his owners. X: If it’s so easy, why haven’t you done it yet, Maya? AgentMaya: He keeps evading us. We’ve tried to trap him, but he’s clever. Sometimes he stands there, and I think I could get him, but there’s always something distracting me. Sometimes it’s him, sometimes I could see someone behind me. X: Raise him to Level 4. Wuest got a hold on him too

<packet>

HARRISON, Priscilla Wuest Date of Birth: July 08 UNKNOWN Place of Birth: UNKNOWN Height: 5’6 (167 cm) Weight: 129 lbs Threat Level Classification: Level 6

</packet>

AgentMaya: The Prima donna, the very prissy Priscilla. Started being active in 2016; our older agents said that she was seen frequently with The Director and Madame G prior to that. Their little pet, their most valuable weapon. She had a messxsdfsy first marriage to Harrison. I heard they had to sdsxseparate because of an incident, which led to her husband getting fired from SC[REDACTED]. I don’t know why they got backkllklk AgentMaya: I always seee her apoiutsiode otuside outside I don’t feel good Alexaalsddsa X: The pictures are planted with @#$%^#$ step away from the terminal, Maya AgentMaya: He4Elp me33 my h3a4d os expl)oding X: Maya? AgentMaya has been disconnected. X: Shit. Attempting to reconnect. Reconnection failed.

You are viewing an archived and sanitized version of this conversation. All personnel assigned to Operation: PRISSY are ordered to abort the mission and report to HQ.

[percervall]

my white knuckle dying grip

pairing: Nico Rosberg x Lewis Hamilton words: 408 warnings: second person pov, the 2016 season a/n: this started out as me playing with the idea of a legacy driver and the weight of that, and then I saw one too many so long, london edits and now we're here

---

There are two things you know for certain, aged 21:

the weight of your father’s legacy is a heavy cross to bear;

your best friend is about to join you on the grid and you get to do this together, just like how you got to do karting together. 

Growing up in the same circles was always marked by your common love for racing and your differing upbringings; you were polar opposites in many ways. One rich, one poor. One white, one Black. And yet you made it work –sharing pizzas and frosted flakes and hotel rooms and laughter and joy. 

When did that end, you now wonder looking back on your own naivety after the dust has begun to settle. Because this you also know for certain, now aged 31:

victory tastes bitter, like paracetamol lingering on your tongue for a touch too long before going down dry;

the cost sometimes far outweighs the rewards.

The weird thing about stepping off the merry-go-round is that you can still feel it spinning long after you get off. The effects linger, much like how the effects of that final season at Mercedes linger. You could barely stand the sight of your own reflection in the mirror because all that stared back at you was a shadow of the person who first stepped foot into the paddock a decade ago —a man haunted by the sacrifices made, of being made the sacrifice so many times throughout the years that you've lost count by now. Bitterly you wonder just how long they thought you'd take it on the chin, just how far they could push you into submission before you would snap. You cannot stomach the sight of the person staring back at you in your reflection, nor the desperation for this title, nor the loss of yourself, nor the loss of your best friend. How do you come to terms with a death that hasn’t done the dying yet? This title will forever be laced with the sinking feeling of loss and you pray to whoever will hear you that it’ll be worth it in the end, because it has to be. Because if not, then what was it all for? And so you make the decision over yet another bowl of dry frosted flakes that this is it, now or never, even if it’ll be what kills you in the end. And that, too, will have to be enough.

Massive thank you to @curiousthyme @norrisleclercf1 and @monzabee for telling me this was, in fact, not hot garbage. I love you girls endlessly 💜

Feel free to let me know what you think, your comments/tags/likes mean the world to me 💕