#how you told me that song you liked and I listened to it on loop until my tablet died

[2-kamikou-1]

sometimes the slightest of things set off the most sickeningly nostalgic feelings in me

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

{ the song (I Just) Died In Your Arms came on at work today and then this happened. }

Warnings: aftermath of time loops, like years after, hurt/comfort, angst, allusion to sex and loss of virginity (its really more of a fade to black situation tho 👍🏻)

🍒🍒🍒

"Eddie?" Steve calls, dropping his bag and all his crap by the door, and toeing off his shoes.

"Kitchen! Rob's at Chrissy's tonight so I thought we'd do dinner and a movie?" Eddie's voice calls, and Steve can already smell something cooking. Hears the sizzle of a something as well, and the radio playing something, the sound just a low rumble in his ears.

"Sounds good. Watcha makin?" Steve calls, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it over the back of the couch, he knows Eddie will grab it later and hang it by the door. He leaves it there anyway, smiling to himself at the thought as turns toward the kitchen.

"Oh just the ol Eddie Munson special. Gourmet grilled cheese. It soothes the- Steve? You okay?" Eddie's voice is quiet now, Steve's sure his eyes are wide too but he can't see them. Not really.

He's staring at the radio. The low murmur of music finally hitting him, stopping him in his tracks, his blood running cold, like icy fingers trailing down his back. That fucking song. He could kill whoever wrote it. Who needs a song about someone dying in their arms?

"Steve?" Eddie asks, again. Steve nods. Takes one step backwards. And then bolts for the bathroom.

He hits his knees hard, slaming down in front of the toilet, losing the small amount of food he'd had for lunch, his stomach heaving. He's shaking when he stands, his knees buckle twice on the short walk from the bathroom across the hall to his room. He shuts the door softly when he hears Eddie's footsteps coming.

"Steve? Are you okay?" His voice is small, and Steve can see him, with his long sleeves pulled down around his hands, worrying the material between his fingers as he shuffles from foot to foot outside Steve's door.

"I'm fine Ed's. Just, keep cooking. I'll be out in a few for the movie okay?" Steve calls, yanking his clothes off and grabbing one of Eddie's old t-shirts that he'd stolen maybe a year ago. Eddie had never asked for it back. And Steve liked the way he blushed when he saw Steve wearing it.

Eddie does, sort of. He goes back to the kitchen, turns everything off, and then walks back to Steve's room. He slides down the wall outside his door and sits on the floor. He can hear Steve moving around in there, just shuffling around his room doing god knows what.

He does this sometimes. Eddie never knows what to do. Or say. Or how to stop it. He tries. But Steve won't talk to him about it. Just ignores that it happens. Or talks to Robin. They share little looks, he sees them, never knows what they mean.

It makes him uncomfortable sometimes, like they're telling jokes behind his back. He knows they're not. That they wouldn't. But there's something. And until now, he's never asked, never pushed. Just sat back and worried and tried to ignore the feeling that he'd done something wrong.

"Steve?" He asks, voice low. He hears Steve stop moving.

"Yeah?" He calls, sounding suspicious, or nervous maybe, or like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"You know I'm not stupid right?" Eddie's chest burns, fire crawling up his throat, his eyes burning.

"I- what?" Steve answers, voice muffled, Eddie can almost see him standing in the middle of his room, staring at the door.

"I'm not stupid. I know something's wrong." He presses his finger to the floor, rubs at a knot in the wood, listens to Steve walk closer to the door.

"I told you I'm fine. Really it's-"

"Don't lie to me." Eddie cuts him off, doesn't yell, doesn't even raise his voice. He thinks he hears Steve gasp on the other side of the door. Can't be sure.

"Please just-" he closes his eyes, clears his throat, wills the tears away. He's so tired of crying about this.

"Just talk to me? I know- there's something you're not telling me." He hangs his head, worries at his shirt sleeves, his hands in his lap.

"It's been three years. And I thought it would stop ya know? Thought maybe I was imagining things. Or just, had to get used to the enigma that is YouAndRobin. But that's not it, is it?" He lets his head fall back and hit the wall.

"It's me. It's something I'm doing. Or like, multiple things? And I've tried to stop. Ya know? Tried to figure it out on my own cuz you guys clearly don't wanna share." He sighs.

"But I just keep fucking up. And then you guys give each other those looks, and lock yourselves away for hours, or fucking days, at a time. And I try so fucking hard not to do those things again." His voice is strained now, he clears his throat again, tucks his knees up under his chin and keeps talking, knows if he doesn't say it now he never will.

"But it's fucking impossible to figure out what I'm doing wrong if you won't talk to me Steve. I just- I feel like I'm hurting you somehow and you just- you just fucking sit there and take it and pretend it not happening when it really fucking clearly is! And it makes me feel insane!" He shoves his lips against his knee, tries to hide the whimper that claws its way out of his throat. He closes his eyes, tries to breathe, opens his mouth to speak again and hears the door open.

He looks up, watches Steve look forward and then down, finding Eddie on the floor, his own eyes shining like Eddie knows his are too.

"It's not you." Steve says, whispers really. And Eddie can't help the eyeroll. Or the huff. Looks away from Steve, drops his chin onto his knees and closes his eyes again, pushes the palms of his hands against his eyes.

"You're lying." He croaks, voice tight.

"I know you are. I just don't know why." And he hates it, that whine in his voice. And then Steve is on his knees, next to Eddie, his hands hovering near him as Eddie glares at him.

"I- I'm not. I promise I'm not. It's not you. It- it's complicated. I don't-" he sighs.

"Just say it! Just try!" Eddie's hands flail, his voice desperate as he looks at Steve. He stares for a moment, eyes wide, and then falls to sitting next to Eddie, his own knee tucked up to his chest, back resting against the door frame.

"I watched you die." Steve says, quiet. Eddie frowns.

"I know. And then you carried me out of hell and saved me. I know that. What are you-"

"No. Not- not that time." Steve shakes his head, grimaces when he looks at Eddie. He shakes his head, he doesn't understand.

"Before that. So many fucking times before that. Over and over. You died. No matter what I did. Or what I changed." Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, shoved a knuckle into the corner of his eye. He let his head fall back as he looked at Eddie, his hands falling palms up on his thighs, helpless.

"You died. Over and over and over. And everytime. Every single fucking time. I ended up covered in your blood." He closes his eyes, opens them again. Says nothing else.

"I-" Eddie starts, stops, takes a deep breathe, moves one hand over his chest, resting his palm against the scar on his side, a nervous habit he has now. His fingers drum against the thick skin there.

"That's- you're talking about a time loop." Eddie says slowly, and Steve, he fucking laughs. There's no humor in it, just a bark, and a wry smile as he shakes his head at Eddie.

"What? You are, right? I mean that's- why are you smiling?" Eddie flails again, hugs his knees tighter. Steve just shakes his head again, bites his lip to hide a smile.

"Robin told me I should tell you. That you'd understand. Or like, get it. And I knew you would I guess, I just- couldn't." Steve sighs again, gives a little helpless shrug.

"Why not?" Eddie rests his chin on his knees, watching Steve. The tension he'd been holding in his shoulders for what seems like years seems to melt away.

"At first I was scared. That if I said something. It would start again. And then it just-" he takes a deep breath, smiles the saddest smile Eddie's ever seen and says,

"It just hurt too much." He shrugs again, a tear falling down his cheek. Eddie stares, watches his fall onto his shirt, watches it bleed into the fabric.

"Why did it hurt? Cuz of me? Cuz I keep reminding you of it somehow? Right? That's what all those little looks between you guys have been?" He wraps his arms around his legs tighter, his lip wobbling again. He knew he'd been fucking up.

Steve looks at him, brow furrowed, and reaches out, his hand warm when it curls around Eddie's bicep.

"I didn't know you noticed that. And I'm sorry. But no. It wasn't that. I mean maybe a little. Just small things. Like, deja vu, sometimes." He shrugged.

"But tonight it was the song. That stupid fucking song." He sighs, shakes his head and laughs again. The sound hollow in his chest.

"The... song." Eddie frowns, trying to think what song had been on when Steve came through the door. And oh, yeah.

"Oh. Kinda... right on the nose that one. Sorry. It was just on the tape I found. It wasn't even my tape. I think it was one of Dustin’s old ones." Steve squeezes his arm, heads him off before be starts really rambling.

"It's okay. You didn't know. You couldn't have. Cuz I didn't tell you. And I should have. I'm sorry." Steve bites his lip again. Eddie nods, sniffles, untangles his arms from around himself and scoots a little closer to Steve, their legs pressed together.

"Will you tell me now? All of it? Please? I need to know what happened. Kinda really wanna know how you saved me." He feels his cheeks burn, his ears too. He can't look at Steve. Not right now. Knows he'll see too much.

"I'll tell you. But not on the floor." He laughs again, a real one this time, and gets to his feet. He offers his hand to Eddie and pulls him to his feet. Their hands stay together, Eddie's cheeks burn with a fresh wave of color and Steve smiles, tugs him into his room, and tells him everything.

~°~

"A whole year?" Eddie's staring at the ceiling, knows he sounds breathless.

"Yep." Steve says, pops the P.

"And you spent it with me?" Eddie asks, sounds unconvinced.

"Yep."

"And we-"

"Yep." Steve huffs, turns onto his side and looks at Eddie.

"Hey. Look at me." Eddie swallows, isn't sure he can. He let's out a shakey breath and does it anyway.

"Hi." Steve says, smiling, his cheek squished against his arm curled under his head.

"Hi." Eddie echoes.

"You and me?" Eddie asks, his brow furrowed, his throat burning again.

"Yeah. I uh... I wasn't expecting it. Or maybe I was. I'm not sure anymore. But I'm glad it happened." Steve shrugs, reaches out, his finger brushing a curl away from Eddie's face.

"Why didn't you tell me? We could've- I mean I would've-" Eddie swallows, not sure what he would've. Steve smiles that sad smile again.

"Because I'm an idiot. I thought I had to like- let you make your own choices. Not- tell you what you did before. And you didn't remember. Because it- it didn't work, that time. I didn't-" he pauses, clears his throat, wipes at his eyes.

"I didn't save you that time. I lost you. And it- fuck it hurt Ed's. It hurt so much." His throat catches on a sob, his palms shoving into his eyes and Eddie can't take it anymore. He surges forward, wraps his arms around Steve and pulls him close.

"I'm right here. I've been here. I'm not going anywhere." Eddie whispers, presses the words into Steve's hair as he clings to him.

"How many times after that one?" Eddie asks, his hand in Steve's hair, soothing.

"Two. I lost you two more times and then it worked. I woke up by your hospital bed instead of at my house. And you were there. Alive. And Robin was alive. And Dustin and Nancy. Everyone. More or less." Steve's voice is muffled, Eddie can feel his shirt getting wet from his tears.

"Steve I-" he takes a shakey breath.

"I don't know what to say." He sighs, keeps soothing his fingers over Steve's scalp. He pulls back, looks at Eddie, his face wet and blotchy.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you know now." He shakes his head, sniffles, drops his head back onto his pillow, eyes on Eddie.

"This um... this other Eddie. The one you spent a year with." Eddie draws.

"He wasn't 'another Eddie'. He was you. Just, before we really met." Steve snorts, rolls his eyes.

"Right. Right. So this Eddie you spent a year with." Eddie says, Steve fucking giggles and squeezes his eyes shut, nose all scrunched up. He opens his eyes, blinks a few times.

"What about him?" Steve asks, his teeth dragging over his lip as he smiles. Eddie shrugs, best he can laying on his side.

"Was he... I mean was he really like me?" Eddie asks, his voice sounding, doubtful. Steve hums, thinks for a moment.

"He was. And he wasn't." Steve shrugs too.

"That's very descriptive." Eddie says, voice flat. Steve laughs, rolls onto his back and then back to his side to look at Eddie.

"He was... different. Calmer. Less traumatized. At the beginning anyway. But he was still you. Still stubborn. And loyal. And kind." His shoulder twitches again.

"Was he nice to you? This other me?" Eddie asks, chewing on his lip, eyes locked on Steve's face. His cheeks flush and Eddie feels heat crawl over his skin.

"He was yeah. After awhile. He was... very nice." Steve's voice is soft, low, that little smile tugging at his mouth.

"Did he love you?" Eddie doesn't mean to say it. Not really. But he can't stop it. He has to know. Steve said they'd been together. But it was just a year. But a lot can happen in a year, Eddie knows all too well.

Steve eyes go soft at the question, a fondness in them that Eddie knows well, his stomach flutters at the realization.

"He said he did." Steve nods, scoots a little closer.

"And did-" Eddie swallows roughly, blinks a few times,

"Did you love him?" He asks, voice barely above a whisper. Steve nods, slow, his hair splaying against his pillow, his hand lifting to his mouth, teeth worrying at his thumb nail.

Eddie feels a breif spike of jealousy peak its head up and then feels ridiculous. And then he feels something else, something that blooms in his chest and wraps itself around his ribs warmly. Something he thinks might be hope.

"Do you-" he bites into his lip, hard. His hands shaking on the matress between he and Steve. Steve's hand moves away from his mouth, his knuckles brushing Eddie's before lacing their fingers together.

"Say it." Steve whispers, his eyes shining. He smiles at Eddie and Eddie can't not smile back. Can't not ask.

"Do you love me?" He hears his voice, hears how he clearly doesn't believe that. But Steve nods, a giddy smile on his face.

"You do? Why?" Eddie blurts, and Steve laughs, curls closer to Eddie, his hand cupping Eddie's cheek, thumb moving over his skin softly.

"I'm not sure I ever had a choice." Steve breathe between them.

"I think it was just always meant to be you." Steve moves his thumb over Eddie's lips, then up over his cheek again, wiping at the tear that runs over Eddie's skin.

"But he's not- I mean I'm not- we're not the same person. I don't remember it. I don't remember getting to have you. I did get to have you right?" Eddie asks, his chest shuddering as he tries to keep his breathing steady. Steve nods, crowds impossibly closer, his knee slotting between Eddie's own.

"You had me. You had me then and you have me now. And you are the same person. That's why me and Robin always give each other those looks. Because I told her everything. Anything I could remember. And you do things. Things that you did then. When you were mine." Steve smiles. Eddie laughs out a sob.

"When I was yours." He says, mocking, his voice wet and wobbly.

"Yeah. You were mine. Do you wanna be mine?" Steve's fingertips move over his face, like he's trying to memorize him.

"Pretty sure I've been yours since I woke up to you reading The Hobbit by my bed in the hospital." Eddie smiles, more tears falling.

"Dustin told me it would help." Steve shrugged again his thumb back on Eddie's lips. He nodded, closing his eyes to warmth of Steve's skin on his. 

"I wanna be yours." Eddie breathed, gasped when he felt Steve's thumb press into his lip.

"Yeah?" Steve was so close now, Eddie opened his eyes and he was right there, his nose almost touching Eddie.

"Please." Eddie wasn't sure what he was begging for, but he trusted Steve to give it to him.

"Yeah. Anything you want." Steve sighed, closing the space between them.

His lips hit Eddie's and his whole world tilts. Steve holds his head and kisses him sweetly and everything slams into him at once. Thoughts. Feelings. Memories. Memories that aren't his. Things he's never done. Not with Steve. Not with anyone.

But they crash into him, wash over him like a wave and blend into him like they're his. Things he said to Steve, the way he touched him, the way he loved him, during that year that never was. All of it filling him and becoming his. His and Steve's. Just another piece of their story, another peice of their love.

Eddie gasps, pulls back and finds Steve's eyes on him, wide, his brow furrowed.

"Did you?" Steve asks, his head tilting.

"I remember. Or... I saw it. I felt it. Or like, an echo of it. I love you." He laughs then, breathy and sweet, and Steve laughs back, nearly tackles him back onto the bed, arms curled around Eddie, face buried in his neck.

"I love you too." He sounds giddy. The way Eddie feels. He buries his hands in Steve's hair and pulls him up, so he can look at him. Steve comes willingly, looking down at Eddie with adoration.

"Our lives are so fuckin weird. You know that right?" Eddie asks, his nose scrunching. Steve snorts, bites his lip, and smiles.

"Oh yeah. But would you want it any other way?" Steve asks, his nose scrunching too.

"I'll take it whatever way lets me have you." Eddie says, his finger moving down the line of Steve's nose. He bites at Eddie's finger when he drops his hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to ask. And that you were stuck for so long. Back then." Eddie nods to the side, like that time in '86 is right beside them.

"I'm not. I learned a lot about loving you back then." Steve smiles down at him, pushes his bangs back off his head, Eddie leans into the touch.

"Oh yeah? Well I look forward to reaping the benefits." Eddie says, tongue poking into his cheek.

"Yeah? Well I look forward to taking your virginity. Again." Steve smirks down at him. Eddie squaks, tries to shove Steve off him and gets pinned to the bed instead.

"How dare you! I'm not even- that's- I mean... absolute hearsay!" Eddie stammers. Steve laces their fingers together and straddles him, leaning down over him, that smug look on his face.

"You trying to say you're not?" Steve asks, his tongue moving over his teeth.

"I- it's just- I mean that's not fair." Eddie squeaks, looking up at Steve with wide eyes.

"Seems fair to me. Like a really nice reward." Steve boasts, leaning closer and closer.

"It feels like cheating. Like not that kind of cheating. Just... I've never- done stuff. And you're just... you have. With me. That's not-"

"Hey. I'll take good care of you." Steve breathes, presses his lips to Eddie's genlty and pulls back, settles himself on Eddie's thighs.

"I know. I have the memory. But it's like... I dunno, like it's foggy. Like a dream. I can see it, in my head, but I can't feel it." Eddie sighs, looks away.

"Forget about it." Steve says.

"Oh okay. I'll just forget about the images I now have burned into my brain of you, naked, on top of me." Eddie scoffs, tries to take his hands from Steve's and fails, Steve squeezes his hands tighter.

"Why are you so strong?" Eddie kicks his feet, feigning attempts to break free. Steve laughs, lowers himself back into Eddie's face.

"You can hold tight to that new old memory. Or we can make some memories of our own. Pick one." Steve brushes his nose against Eddie's and smiles when Eddie bucks up into him.

"New memories. Absolutely. We should do that. Let's make new ones. We should do that right now." Eddie nods frantically, lifting up and trying to kiss Steve, both of them ending up sitting, Steve in Eddie's lap, finally letting his hands go to snake his arms around Eddie's neck.

"New memories. Got it." Steve kisses him, sweetly, pulls back, just a fraction of an inch.

"You've got shit memory anyway baby. I'll get rid of those in no time." He breathes the words into Eddie mouth like a promise. Eddie moans and grabs at his back, pulling him closer.

"Holy shit. Okay." He huffs, shivering as Steve presses him down onto the bed again, laughing against his lips.

"I'm gonna take this slow. Be real sweet to you." He peppers kisses across Eddie face.

"You're gonna fuckin torture me you mean?" Eddie whines, his hips jumping and stuttering everytime Steve rolls his down against him.

"Trust me. You'll love it." Steve whispers, his lips ghosting over Eddie's, teasing.

"I love you." Eddie says, both of them freezing. Steve just stays there, looking down at him, his eyes shimmering again. Eddie reaches up, wipes the tears away.

"I love you too." Steve breathes, his body dropping onto Eddie completely, tension leaving as he kisses Eddie, slow and deep, both of them moaning into each other's mouths.

Steve's true to his word. He takes Eddie apart slowly. And then puts him right back together. Three years of longing, and lost time, and impossible memories passing between them. A slow ebb and flow, like the tide, like the ocean and the moon, moving through them both, pulling them together after so long apart.

Steve falls asleep on his chest after, small sounds falling past his lips as he nuzzles into Eddie's skin. Eddie holds him there, one hand in Steve's hair, one moving slowly up and down his back.

He holds Steve close, watches him sleep, and thanks whoevers listening that he gets to have this. Have him. And thanks them again for bringing him through it all, all the monsters, and the time loops, and everything else. Just for him to end up in Eddie's arms.

Eddie's certain it's where he was meant to be all along.

[thatfreshi]

Pitch Black (Astarion x Reader)

TW - panic attack, claustrophobia, themes of death/rotting

I based this off some sad lore I found out about him yesterday :(

Recommended Song: Rainy Day Loop - SALES

There's a lot of things Astarion hasn't told you. You don't mind, because a lot of those things are hard to relive. Everything he tells you comes with a price, but he does it mostly out of necessity. There are times you know something lies deeper, and yet you don't pry. It will come to light if he decides it needs to.

However, he never told you about one of the first truly cruel things Cazador did. How one day he refused him, told him no for once. He woke up buried six feet under, starving in undeath for an entire year until his master dug him up again. That was the last time he disobeyed.

This led to a fear he never told you about, claustrophobia, that terrifying feeling of being unable to escape small spaces. He doesn't like closets, this you knew, but you assumed it was because they're dark and sad, not because they're small rooms.

One morning you're sleeping, peaceful, arms wrapped around him tight. He wakes up before you, calm at first. When he realizes his discomfort at feeling trapped in your arms, he gently tries to move you off of him, but you grab back in your slumber, not knowing what's going on beyond the barrier of sleep. That first wave of panic sets in as you wrap yourself tighter than before, and he freezes up, remembering the smell of musty dirt and bones. He tries to scoot away, and you unknowingly pull him in again. That second time is enough for him to feel fully trapped, and without thinking he bites down hard on your arm.

"GODS!"

You bolt up out of your sleep, holding your arm, realizing it was Astarion who caused the sudden alarm. He sits at the edge of the bed, breathing heavily, still trying to ground himself. You try to ask him things, why the hell he'd do that to you, but he can't hear your questions. The worms, the beetles, at some point you become accustomed to the tiniest sounds. He wondered if they'd start to eat away at him, if vampires were like corpses, if he would slowly decompose in the ground. You go to touch his hand and he yanks it away, standing up.

"Astarion!"

And he finally turns to see you on the bed, your arm bleeding badly, how concerned you look. He can't speak though. Footsteps, people passing by, unable to scream because of how tightly packed the sediment is. You try anyways.

"Aster, listen to me. I need you to listen to me, okay?"

You're panicking. You haven't seen him this bad in a while. He's not there, at least not truly there. To be knocked out, only to wake up in pitch black, what a horror.

"I think you're having a panic attack my love, can you try to focus on one thing in the room?"

A painting, a landscape of a graveyard. He was put in a graveyard, some kind of cruel joke. His eyes wander to the frame, golden, like thread. He remembers stitching little phrases and stories into his clothes, he remembers the first time he did such a craft for you. The breathing starts to settle, still shaking, he sits back down next to you, and just starts sobbing. You go to hug him and he flinches.

"No!"

You are almost taken aback, but you remember that it's not your fault.

"Okay, that's okay. I'll just sit here with you."

He just cries for a while, and you let him. Clearly something startled him badly, badly enough that he bit you. You forgot until now that you were bleeding. Not only did his fangs pierce, but many of the rest of his teeth got through the skin. As you're analyzing your wound, you take part of the blanket and press it into your arm, trying to stop the bleeding. Astarion notices the movement, and you see guilt overcome his face immediately. You interrupt before he can speak.

"It's okay darling, I know you didn't mean it."

He wipes at his tears, finally coming back to reality, truly grounding himself.

"I... I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

He stares at a crack in the floorboards.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He nods, mainly because he hates it when you're confused.

"So... a long time ago, Cazador decided it would be fun to bury me alive."

He almost laughs at how ridiculous it is, how someone could even think to do that. You just listen.

"And I stayed there for an entire year. And I don't know how it happened, but you tried to hug me tighter while you were asleep, and I- I just panicked, I felt so trapped and it just reminded me so much of-"

He can't even bring himself to say it again.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

He scoffs.

"Yeah, you were asleep, and I freaked out like a monster and bit you."

He gazes down at the wound, wincing at what he's done.

"Hey, look at me. Wounds heal, I'll be okay. What matters is that you're okay."

"I... I think I'm okay now. Just, feel miserable."

"That's okay, you're allowed to feel however you want."

"I know. Thank you my sweet."

He picks your hand up off the bed, holding it to his face. It takes weeks after for him to be hugged again, especially being the little spoon, but you don't mind. You'll go through every phase of his, good and bad. This one just happens to be bad, and that's okay. He'll be okay. You'll both be okay.

[artists-ally]

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Lucien x Reader

You all can go and blame @thelov3lybookworm for the swarm of Lucien content y'all are gonna get from me. This is probably one of the saddest things I've ever written and it took me wwaayy back to a very shitty relationship I was in so if it seem extra personal it is 💀 Enjoy, title from this song!

Word Count: 3,108

Warnings: ANGST (just for you @bubybubsters) mentions of murder (in relation to Jesminda)

Summary: Lucine has been so focused on trying to win over Elain that he's never once stopped to consider that you're the one who's always been there for him.

~~~~~

The door slammed. A breath sighed from the entryway. I went stiff. 

“I don’t understand,” Lucien shouted. I could hear him kicking off his boots, hanging his jacket up on the rack by the door. “I thought we were finally making some progress and then nothing. Absolutely nothing today.”

I remained silent, swiping off the stuck scallions on my knife. “Sorry.”

“I mean, I get that she needs time to adjust, but Cauldron, Yn. It’s been nearly a year since the war ended. I’ve been patient, more than patient, and it’s like I’ve never made an effort.”

“Told you it was a bad idea.”

“What is it about me that she cannot stand? What does Azriel offer her that I don’t? He walks in the room and she lights up. What do I have to do to get her to look at me like that?” I just shrugged, moving to the sink to wash some sprouts and potatoes. Lucien was caught in this never ending cycle of trying to win over Elain. For the past year, almost year and a half, he has been torturing himself with something that obviously won’t be. 

“Do you think she’d enjoy it if I took her to the Summer Court? Maybe she’d enjoy a trip to Dawn?” Lucien sat at my kitchen table, tapping his heel on my hardwood floor with his arms crossed over his chest. “We did actually talk for a while today. She ended up telling me her plans for her fall garden.”

“Sounds nice.”

“But I just wish she would open up a little more. Every time we talk it’s like I have to pry it out of her.” “Mhmm.”

“It makes me so nervous when she closes up like this. I can’t imagine what is going through her head. She won’t tell me. She won’t tell anyone, which is concerning. I just wish she would at least tell someone about what is going on. I’d even be okay if she told Azriel.”

“Yeah.”

“If only she would just reach out. Even an inch, just tug on the bond and acknowledge that it’s there. It wouldn’t bother me as much if she would just give us a chance.”

Lucien continued to blabber again, droning on and on about how Elain won’t do this or talk about that. I tuned him out, biting back the sting of jealousy in my throat. That familiar prickle in my nose forced me to grip the spoon harder. 

He never listened to me anymore. He’d come and ask me for advice, to see what my opinion was on what he should do, and then blatantly do the opposite. But every time he came back, I’d give him more. Just like he was stuck in a loop with Elain, I was just as guilty of the same with him. 

I was the one who had found him on the border after his Jesminda was murdered. I had been there to help him get settled, to get revenge on his brothers who forced him to watch. For decades I have been doing the same thing he has for Elain. 

The only difference is I know how to take a hint. Luciene doesn’t. 

“... and then when I asked if she would join me for a walk, she refused. I mean, she knows how important it is to get outside every now and then. She had said she wanted to garden and plant new seedlings for the upcoming winter but… I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Yeah I bet that’s tough.”

“Tough?” So he did know how to acknowledge the things I said. “It’s excruciating. You have no idea. Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?”

It took all the strength inside me to not hurl this knife at his head. “What’s the point anymore?”

“What?” “You don’t listen to anything I say anymore anyways, so why bother?” I snorted, shaking my head. “I could’ve announced my pregnancy right now and you would’ve been too lost in thought about her to even register.”

“You’re pregnant?” 

I slammed my knife down on the counter and whipped to face him. “No, I’m not. But if I was, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you.”

“Why? We’re best friends, Yn. Don’t you think I’d wanna know if you were-”

“That is not the point of the conversation, Lucien,” I snapped. He just stared at me, waiting for an elaboration. I just sighed, “Whatever. Doesn’t matter.” “Did something happen today? You’re clearly in a bad mood.” “No. Absolutely nothing happened. Only that I had the grand opening of my restaurant today and you were nowhere to be found. You were with Elain.”

Lucien went silent. I could feel the energy shift from across the room. “Cauldron boil me… Yn I am so sorry. I thought that was next week, why didn’t you remind me yesterday?”

“I did,” I said. “I reminded you yesterday before you went up to the House to be with Elain. And the day before, and the day before that.”

“I think I would’ve remembered if-”

“Would you?” The tears were coming. Fast. It was a struggle to keep them from spilling over. “Because every time I’ve said anything, you’re talking about her. It’s always fucking her.”

“Why are you talking about Elain like that? What did she do to you?”

I just stopped moving. Stopped breathing. Stopped thinking. The chill that spread through my bones should’ve been enough to kill me. I ground my teeth together hard enough to crack. “Ever since we came to this gods damned Court all you have talked about is her. It’s like I’m not even here anymore.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Lucien stood up. 

“When was the last time you asked how I was doing? If the designs for the menus are finished? If I’ve picked out new tiles for my bathing room or if I’ve finally finished that collage I was working on? How long has it been since we’ve been out together or gone diving in the Sidra? For fucks sake Lucien it’s like I’m best friends with a ghost.”

All Lucien offered was a turn of his palms, lips parting to answer but no words came out.

“Exactly. You can’t even remember. Any time we talk it’s always about her. It’s always Elain this and Elain that. I’m fucking sick of it, Lucien. You’re constantly asking for advice on what to do with her, but have you ever stopped and thought about what you’re doing?”

“Every day it haunts me that I can’t reach her, Yn,” Lucien's brows knit together. “I come to you because I value your advice.”

“Well you can stop. I don’t have any more to give. Now, you can either change the topic or get the fuck out because I’m sick of hearing about her. Today was supposed to be my day. I don’t ever ask you for anything, and this is the one thing I wanted. And you were supposed to be there for me, your friend, your best friend. But of course, the female who won’t give you the time of day has to take priority over someone you’ve known for almost a century.” 

“Are you so selfish that you can’t be happy for me for finding a mate after so many years? Are you that jealous that I’ve decided to spend some of my time with anyone else?”

Blinding red rage coursed through me. I let everything I had been holding back for months seep through. “How dare you say that to me.”

“Yn-”

“If you interrupt me I swear to the Mother that I will break your fucking neck.” I watched him swallow his response. “If you think I am unhappy with your bond then you don’t know me at all. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Lucien. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me sick to my stomach.”

“Elain is sweet. Nurturing and caring,” Lucien pointed out. "What's so bad about that?"

“Does she know anything about you?”

 “We’ve… talked about some things.”

“So does she know about your brothers?” His face paled. “Does she know about all the fights you got in with Tamlin? Does she know about Jesminda or how many years it took you to be able to hear her name and not burst into tears at the first syllable?”

“That’s not fair.”

“I think it’s perfectly fair, Lucien,” I shouted. My skin was blisteringly hot. All control was quickly crumbling. “The moment Elain came along, you forgot all about me. I am the only living being that has been there with you through everything. Through the destruction of the Spring Court, through Hybern. You begged me to come with you to Velaris, I gave up everything for you.”

“You wanted to leave, too. Don’t put all this on me,” Lucien said, waving his arms in the air. 

“I did it because of you. How dense are you, Lucien? How blind are you to not see that every decision I have made since I met you has been for your well being?”

“I never asked that of you.”

“No, you didn’t. Because you’ve never once considered that I would do it without a second thought. I care about you. I was the one you wept to every time Elain rejected you, and yet, every single time you ran right back to her. I don’t know what you see in her. I think she has made it incredibly clear that she wants nothing to do with you.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about us.” Lucien’s eyes went dark, his mouth pressed in a flat line, nostrils flared. 

I scoffed. A harsh, bitter laugh falling from my lips. “Did you seriously just say that to me? All I do is listen to you complain about her and how she doesn’t open up. About how closed off she is. For Cauldron's sake, Lucien, you had the balls to come here after opening day, after blowing me off, to talk about her. Want some advice? Take a nice long look in the mirror.”

“Why can you just not accept the fact that I might want to have a relationship with her? Why can’t you be happy for me?”

“Because what does she have that I don’t? What is it about her that you could possibly like more than me? Cauldron damn me, Lucien, we live together. I cook for you every day, we have breakfast and tea together.”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Lucien furrows his brows together.

I could feel my heart start to splinter into however many pieces to double the amount of stars in the sky. All the love and contained affection I’ve had since I met Lucien has washed away in a moment. All those heart to hearts, all those late nights spent atop the House of Wind… all for nothing.

“You’re right,” I nodded, letting several tears run down my cheeks. “It means nothing. I have no reason to be mad at you for simply wanting to find love.”

Lucien sighed, a heavy, grueling noise. “Yn-”

“You know, everyone from back home kept saying that I was making a mistake, that I shouldn’t run off here with you. I think they’re right. This was all a mistake. I should’ve left you to rot on the side of the border.”

Color flushed his face and neck. Silence cursed us and I could only hear my occasional sniffle and the rapid beating of my heart. 

“Tell me this, Lucien. Do her eyes look better when they shine?”

“What? Yn why are you-”

“Does she look prettier when she cries? Am I just too much to handle or-or too emotionally unstable?”

“You’re not too much, Yn. You’re perfect the way you are,” he shook his head, taking my hands in his. I rip them away.

“Then gods dammit Lucien, what is it about her that you love so much more than me?” I screamed.

He is stunned and silent. His mouth opens and closes. No words are coming out. My chest feels like it’s going to cave in any second. 

“Yn… what are you talking about? Are you in love with me?” That flicker deep within my chest erupts into a thousand colors. I bite my lips to keep from crying out. “You are… aren’t you?”

I just shake my head. “I asked you a question first.”

“No, you can’t do this to me, that's not fair.”

“Who gives a fuck what is fair, Lucien? You have discarded me to the side like I was nothing. Did you forget that I was the one who sacrificed her life for you? What has Elain done for you? Nothing. She has done nothing but distract you from the important things in your life.”

“Like you?” Lucien said with an equal amount of venom in his voice. “You are so selfish.”

“You want me to admit it?” I snarled, my face inches from his. “Fine, I’m jealous. I am so jealous that you look at her like she hung the moon and at me like I mean nothing to you. There is no worse feeling in the world than seeing you happy with her, wishing and praying to every god that it was me.”

Lucien just stands still. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Yn.”

“That you love me too!” I shout, pacing around. “You’re telling me that Elain, someone who refuses to give you anything but a cold shoulder, is going to get all the love and affection I so treacherously built back into you after Jesminda? Did you ever stop and think for one moment that there could be you and I? Tell me how the fuck that makes sense.”

“Yes, you took care of me, and I will be eternally grateful for what you’ve done for me. I can’t ever repay you for giving life back to me. But I can’t… I can’t force myself to love you, Yn. I just can’t.”

My body felt like it was on fire. And not the kind of blaze I got when I looked into his eyes. It felt like the bond I had carefully hidden for years was finally unbraiding inside my soul. But when my eyes did meet his… nothing. No burst of excitement or sense of relief. 

I felt utterly nothing as I looked at the man that has been in every single moment of my life for the past sixty years. 

“Please say something,” Lucien begged. 

I couldn’t. Not with this world obliterating feeling inside my chest. I could only stare at the floor. 

“Yn… Yn please don’t let this ruin what we have.”

“It was ruined the moment you walked in that door.” My voice was meek. 

I could see Lucien shake his head, but his features became a blurry whirlwind behind my tears. “Yn I’m begging you I’ll-”

“Get out.”

“No,” Lucien's voice cracked. “No, I'm not going to leave.” He came and grabbed my shoulders, trying to make me look at him.

“Leave, right now, or I’ll get someone who will.” I'll call for Azriel. That will really make his skin blister. He instantly let go. “I want all traces of you gone by tomorrow night.”

“You can’t do this to me. To us.”

“It’s clear you’ve made your decision on where your priorities lie. I refuse to be second place to you anymore.”

“You have never been second place to me, Yn. Never. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you weren’t valued. But I can’t love you. I’m not in love with you.”

“And that is why you have to go. Take care Lucien, I hope she was worth it.”

I don’t bother to show him to the door. He knows where it is. I don’t offer him any other farewells. He doesn’t deserve my good luck. Instead I return to my pots and pans, staring painfully at them. I have no choice but to force him away.

It might just kill me, this ache in my body. It might just engulf me and swallow me into the earth, back to wherever I came from and give me another shot. Hopefully the next one I’ll actually get what I deserve. 

As I stare at the meal before me, it’s like I’m looking at a fresh batch of pure despair. It brings me nothing but painful reminders of years ago back in the Spring Court. Where it was just the two of us. There was no Night Court, there was no emissary duty, there was no Feyre or Nesta or Elain. 

Just me and my Lucien. 

And now there was just me. 

I have to do something. Distantly I hear the door click shut, it’s groan signaling Lucien’s vacancy. As hard as I can, I throw a wooden spoon towards it. It’s gratifying, but it doesn’t dull the ancient pain inside. I throw another. And another. And another. Until there are no more wooden spoons left, and they have been fated to splinters. 

I began to throw away the food I was preparing. A pot full of potato and cheese soup goes first. The lamb in the oven goes next. Then the sweet cherry pie next to it. I stash away the cups and silverware, nearly shattering them in the process.

This was supposed to be a celebration. Of all the hard work I have put into my restaurant over the last several years. It was opening night, the line was a mile long. Even Rhys and Feyre were there to congratulate me.

But not the one person I wanted most. 

This dinner. This fucking dinner. It was his favorite. Though I suppose it still is. Something I made him when he was upset. But instead of settling my stomach, it made it wretch.

I should send the recipe to Elain, but change one ingredient. Replace the chives with cilantro. He hates cilantro. I know so much about him, he knows so much about me. 

Why… just why couldn’t it have worked?

I’ll never get to see him smile again. Or cry. I’ll never get to hear his laugh. Or braid his hair when he’s sick. I’ll never get to feel his arms around me or hear the sound of him coming in the door. If I’m not gone when he gets all his stuff tomorrow, I just might ask him to stay. 

I deserve better. Someone who will look at me like I’ve hung the moon. Who will pursue me the way Lucien pursues Elain. I deserve unconditional. 

I wish I could still deserve him.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 2

[hxjikonn]

“I’ll try not to starve myself, just because you’re mad at me”

Try to listen to the song while reading if you rlly wanna sob (just drink water after♥︎)

Characters: Jamil Viper and Vil Schoenheit x Fem!Reader (separate)

Synopsis: Their reaction to Fem!Reader who doesn’t eat whenever she upsets or makes them mad.

WARNINGS: !!EATING DISORDER IS HEAVILY IMPLIED!! (Vommiting, self punishment etc.) PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS TOPIC!! thank you and ilysm.

Jamil Viper

You hated this, you never liked fighting with him, you despised having to yell just because you both think you’d hear each other clearer that way, trying to get points across, when it’s obvious that both of you can hear each other quite well but either of you would want to listen.

How can an argument spark in as simple as a question…you just wanted to ask if he wanted space, ‘cuz you’ve noticed that he’s grown irritated recently due to juggling his responsibilities with Kalim, School and his responsibilities to you. A simple question, how did it get to this?

Misunderstandings have been made, he thought you were upset because he’s spending less time with you as usual hence you asking the question, and you thought he wanted more than just space due to his reaction to your question…tears of frustration slid down your face as you didn’t know what he wanted from you, and he didn’t know what you wanted from him.

Both your throats were hurting, but neither of you wanted to back down, both of you were in fear of losing the other, but both of you wanted to win the argument too. Hurtful venomous words have been exchanged, and limits were tested, “JAMIL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!! WHY AM I HERE??!” You ask question after question, shouting at him. He mumbles curses under his breath before turning to face you.

“I DONT KNOW WHY YOU’RE STILL HERE! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I WANT SO BADLY??? I WANT YOU TO LEAVE!! LEAVE Y/N!! I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU!!” He yells back louder than before, anger was fueling his lies, you flinched, you’ve never seen him like this…it scared you.

“okay…” you nodded, at least you didn’t have to second guess anymore. He told you what he wanted, it’s cleared up now… the argument is over, you left without another word, and he didn’t even bother sparing you another glance as you walked out the door. You went home, you took a long cold shower, and when you got out the feeling of numbness hit you.

This was fine, you thought you wouldn’t shed another tear about this situation. You were wrong to say the least, as the numbness soon wore off, and you’re eyes cried rivers and rivers of tears trailing down, pooling beneath your chin and soaking you sleeves as you used them to wipe it off.

The sun sets, you were still in your room, under the sheets, sobbing quieter this time as you’ve grown tired already. Grim knocked before poking his head in and calling you for dinner, he called Ace and Deuce earlier for advice and they said that food was the best comfort he could provide you right now.

You were hungry, but you declined. Grim nods and left the room, promising to leave you some in the fridge to heat up if you get your appetite back. This wasn’t a new thing for you, it was an old habit, a bad one. You did this as a form of self punishment, whenever you feel like you’ve done something wrong, you’ve disappointed someone…or made someone hate you.

All that you could hear for the rest of the night apart from the growls of your stomach was Jamil’s shouting from the argument earlier. It was on loop, every single word that left his mouth, it felt like daggers. Painful, so was your stomach but you thought to yourself that you deserved this. If you hadn’t asked, there wouldn’t be a fight, it’s your fault that you lost him.

Minutes turned into hours, Hours into days, you went to school and pretend like you weren’t in emotional pain from the incident with your lover and ignored the physical pain from you skipping meals, it was torture, but every time, there was a voice in the back of your head that tells you, you deserve this pain.

You felt it creeping up on you, the torment of hunger, you spaced out alot trying to suppress the amount of discomfort your feeling right now, Before Ace and Deuce had noticed, you excused yourself and ran early to your next class. You felt faint but you shook it off…

Meanwhile Kalim had a talk with Jamil about the falling-out that happened between the two of you in the dormitory a few days ago, it wasn’t his business to try and resolve this as it was Jamil’s relationship, however it is his responsibility as a dorm leader and as Jamil’s friend.

Though Jamil made it seem like he wasn’t listening to Kalim’s advice at all, pretending to read a textbook while his friend talked, but it had made sense to him. He didn’t want to admit it until Kalim asked “Do you really want to lose her because of a simple misunderstanding?” He sighed, of course he didn’t. That was why he reacted so angrily to your question in the first place…because he was afraid you’ve grown tired of him

“No…” he mumbled, while reading the same paragraph over and over again for the past 30 minutes now. “Jamil, you usually are the one who tells me to go apologize when I unintentionally offend people with my words, but I’m gonna be the one to tell you that” Kalim stood up from his seat.

“Go make up with Y/n…” he gives his friend a pat on the shoulder and a smile. Jamil looked up at him and puts his textbook down in defeat “Alright…fine.” This childish dispute has go on for too long anyway, and it wasn’t like him to be childish. “I’ll go find her…but Kalim I swear to the great 7, if you—“ Kalim cuts him off with a shushing motion.

“I WONT GET IN TROUBLEEEE NOW GO FIND YOUR GIRLFRIEND!” He pushed Jamil, without a choice, Jamil walks out the door and goes to find you… Unbeknownst to him, you were nearing your breaking point….

You had a class with Vargas, possibly in the worst time too, you were pale, you couldn’t catch your breath as much, you’re knees shook even though you just had finished half a lap, “Y/n you don’t look so good, you wanna take a break?” Epel asks, worried about your condition…you shook your head “I’m fine, today’s just not my day” you brushed it off with a smile.

Epel could only nod, he wanted to pry further but Vargas already blowed on his whistle, “Just take it slow okay?” He reminds you before starting to run another lap…you couldn’t even hear him properly, you’re vision was blurry and spinning, it only took you a few before you collapsed in the ground below you. Passing out…

“Have you seen Y/n?” Jamil asks Ace and Deuce, he’s been looking for you everywhere, “She ran off earlier in a hurry” Ace shrugged, “yeah, but I think she has a class with Vargas right now, try the field, they’re probably doing track runs” Deuce suggested “Thanks” Jamil nodded and waved the two goodbye.

He got to the field, and saw your classmates, but no sign of you…so he asks one of them, what they said made him feel a chill run down his spine. “She’s in the infirmary…she passed out earlier, took a really bad fall too” that was enough to send him sprinting to where you were…

So many things were running through his head, what happened? were you sick? were you hurt? are you okay? It’s only been a few days that he hasn’t checked up on you, now you were in the infirmary… when he got there, he wanted to slam the door open but someone beat him to it.

The door swung open infront of him, it was Epel, “Woah are you okay??? You look like you’re gonna pass out too..” Epel asked, concerned about Jamil’s panting state. “Where’s Y/n….?” He asks out of breath. Epel pointed at a bed behind closed curtains “She’s getting treated, apparently she hasn’t been eating for days now…no wonder she looked weak..” he says, sadness lingering in his voice.

“They said she took a fall…is she okay?” He asked “Yeah it’s not that bad, just a scrape on her forehead” Epel said trying to ease his senior, Jamil felt something pinch his heart, you hadn’t been eating? Was it because of him? Why would you do that to yourself? Epel pardons himself and Jamil only nods, entering the infirmary quietly…waiting for the school nurse to finish treating you. He was anxious, wanted to know if you were okay…

When the nurse finished, he stood up and asked immediately, they said you were going to be okay, and that you just needed to eat something when you wake up, he says his thanks and stepped inside the booth, closing the curtains behind him.

When he turned to look at you, you did look frail, already thinner infact, he’s grown weak himself seeing you like this, he took as seat beside you and held your hand tightly in his. There’s nothing he would want more than for you to open your eyes right now so he can apologize…

After what felt like hours, you finally awoken, finding Jamil gently caressing your head, you thought you were dreaming, tearful you looked up at him “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to make you mad at me…” you said, voice meek and quiet. Slowly your tears slid and that was enough for him to break as well.

He puts his forehead on top of yours “I’m not mad…” he whispers, “I was just scared you were going to leave me…” he adds “I’m sorry too…” he sats you up gently so he could embrace you, and softly you hugged him back. “What happened? Why weren’t you eating??” He asks, worriedly.

You were scared of telling him, but he assures you that he wouldn’t be mad at you. You explained to him that this was a bad habit of yours, where you refuse to feed yourself because it was a punishment. If he could strangle himself he would’ve, you went through all this because of him..

In the verge of sobbing, he made you promise to never do this ever again, and when you did he peppered you with kisses, small I’m sorry’s and repeated reminders of how much he loves you. Once you’ve both recovered from shedding tears, he went out to go get you food.

Unfortunately as much as he wanted to cook for you right now, you both were still at school, so he could only get you cafeteria food. Though he did make sure to get you food you liked, and he kept an eye on you while you ate, reminding you to finish all of it.

He wouldn’t push you if you said you were full, but would set it aside to feed it to you later, he wanted you to regain back your energy as soon as possible, he doesn’t want you to get badly ill… he’d tell you to back to sleep, and with a little pleading you managed to convince him to get in bed with you so you could fall asleep under his warmth…

Safe to say that you were getting home cooked meals from him on a daily basis from here on out. He’ll always eat with you too, he doesn’t want you to go through this again so he’ll ensure that you never skip your meals.

Vil Schoenheit

Brutal beauty standards was one of the waving flags when you started to date the famous Vil Schoenheit, you knew that once you started walking by his side, more people would take you apart and nitpick everything about you. But you knew what they really wanted to see, looks.

They wouldn’t give a shit about your personality long as you were pretty, pretty enough to be Vil’s lover. Eye candy was what satisfies the spectators. Unfortunately you knew for a fact that you aren’t even close to being as pretty as Vil…he was described to be something out of a painting for God’s sake.

A personified representation of beauty, elegance and grandeur, He’s also been known to nitpick people who he has with him, he did it to Epel, you were no exception. Though sometimes you wish he wasn’t as harsh as he is, if it were just his fans or other irrelevant people you wouldn’t even pay any mind to their comments.

But when it came from him…it felt a lot heavier. You didn’t want to think badly of him, after all his only intentions were ‘whats best for you’ all he wanted was to make you shine like the gem you are. That wasn’t what it felt like though… “Vil! Look at this cute shirt I bought!” You proudly pranced toward him showing him your shirt that you were planning to wear in your date, you liked it a lot, you think it makes you look nice.

He glanced up and down at you and rolled his eyes, you’re smile slowly fades seeing how he reacted. “Potato…that shirt looks hideous, what did you see in that? It’s not even flattering on your body! Rook fetch her a change of clothes…I cant have you wearing that while you’re with me.” ick lingered in his tone as he waves off in disgust. You were ashamed…

As Rook went to go get you new clothes, you tried your best to cover your shirt with your arms, hugging yourself trying not to embarrass Vil, you looked at him as he reapplied his lipstick…he was gorgeous, it’s both a blessing and a curse to call him yours. Did you really deserve someone as perfect looking as him?

When Rook brought a new sets of clothes for you to wear, Vil skimmed through them one by one and hand picked each piece for you to change into. You took everything and when you refashioned your outfit with what he picked out, you saw his face light up with satisfaction…maybe it was just because you were inlove with him, but whenever he’d be satisfied with you, it always made you happy.

“There we go, look at you! You look breathtaking, now shall we go pretty?” He asked, his tone was now much affectionate and gentle, he did a complete 180 all because of a shirt…you smiled at him and nodded. All that matters now is that he wasn’t upset with you. He held your hand in his, proudly walking side by side with you. It felt nice…

You two went to eat, and you were really hungry, as the waiter approaches you two to ask for your order, Vil only ordered a salad and wine, like he always does. You however wanted something heavier so you told the waiter all the things you wanted, you weren’t shy about it, ‘cuz you both agreed you’d pay this time because he paid last time, you never wanted to be spoiled rotten by your famous boyfriend.

When he heard you say all those things out loud, he took a sip of his water, wanting to save his image as he felt like eyes were already on him. You turned back to face him, and yet again, he had this disgusted, disappointed look on his face…you were confused, were you talking too loud? Were you slouching?

“What’s wrong?” You asked, quietly. He sighed and took another sip of water in his glass, “I hope you don’t plan on eating all of that…” he said, monotone, but his voice lingered with annoyance. “Well…I am hungry… Plus this is a dinner date…” you reasoned, you were starting to feel really pressured. “Yes, a dinner date, not a feast date, potato. All those carbs and calories, you’ll gain so much weight…” he spoke, only looking down on his phone.

Body confidence wasn’t something you had, and hearing this from him made you lose your appetite, and gained anxiety. Were you really gaining weight? Were you ugly now? Did you embarrass him again? The nice outfit you had on suddenly felt tighter though it wasn’t. Neither of you spoke to each other after that, Vil felt the uncomfortable silence you gave, he wasn’t stupid, he knew he had upset you a little but his ego didn’t let him apologize as he thought he was only looking out for your health.

“Dont slouch potato.” he said, usually when he said this you’d tease him and slouch more and that would usually lead to playful banter, but this time you didn’t…“Sorry…” you whispered, correcting your posture. Shortly after the food arrived, his salad, and your meal.

Whenever you two would eat, you two would either be talking, gossiping, or poking fun at stuff. Now there wasn’t even small talk, Vil didn’t want to take initiative, in his mind, he tried already but you were being petty about his comment. You only poked your meal, you wanted to enjoy this meal so badly, but after what he said you couldn’t.

“Don’t play with your food potato.” He warns, “You were the one who decided to order that big of a portion so you eat it” he adds munching on his salad. This was him trying to appease you somehow by indirectly telling you that you can eat all of it, without breaking his strict, prim and propped attitude.

However you took it differently, it was difficult to understand cues when you were half having an anxiety attack. You thought he wanted everyone to see you finish this food as punishment, you nodded and ate it, not even chewing it almost, just gulping it down, wanting to make this as fast as possible.

The drive home was quiet, Vil thought this was still your form of payback about his comment earlier, he thought it was childish but didn’t want you to see it got to him, so he too was silent. When he dropped you off home, usually sweet words, good nights and kisses were exchanged, this time he just drove away, still wanting to have the last win.

When you got home, you took out the shirt you originally wore for the date and burned it on the fire place, the mascara Vil put on you was now running down your face, you looked in the mirror and the pretty clothes you had on looked gross on your body, it was you, you were the problem.

You remembered the amount of food you ate earlier, you felt sick to your stomach, just looking at yourself. You went to your bathroom, and did something you really shouldn’t do. The amount of frustration, anxiety and embarrassment you felt only fueled you to go back to your old bad habits…

You vomited eveything out, not wanting it in your body. Hearing Vil’s voice in your head, you thought how embarrassed he must’ve been to be in a relationship with you. When you were finished you took a shower, and cried yourself to sleep.

The next day, when Grim called you for breakfast you didn’t eat. Went straight to school without even drinking water. At lunch break, when everyone was eating away, you didn’t, pretending to busy yourself with nonexistent homework you made up. You thought you finally escaped the food, the eating. When in free period, you ran into Trey and Vil.

“Oh Y/n! I was looking for you!” Trey waved at you as he and your lover walked towards you, you smiled and waved back, “I wanted to give you this, I made all the first years one to try!” He gave you a box of sweets he made, you took it, hoping neither of them notice your shaky hands. “Thank you, they look delicious” they really did, it made your stomach grumble.

Trey laughed a little hearing that “Looks like they arrived in time too, try one! Tell me what you think” he offers, “Oh please Trey, we already know she’ll love them, she is a foodie after all” Vil chimed, to him he was teasing, like usual, to you it felt like a sarcastic comment, you didn’t want to, but Trey was looking at you with such anticipation, you couldn’t say no.

You took a cookie out, the sweet sugary scent hits you, you took a bite of it, it was as delicious as it looked, but you didn’t enjoy it. You chewed on the cookie with dread, but put on a smile for Trey, “It’s good!” You approved, wanting to look more convincing you took another bite and finished the cookie. Trey looked pleased, he pats your head “I’m glad you like it” he says.

There was a bit of small talk before you and trey excuse yourselves, Trey waved Vil goodbye and you were just walking straight ahead, opposite from Trey, where? You know where…that cookie was sweet, really sweet, imagine the amount of calories you just ingested. You wanted to cry, clutching the box of cookie in your hand.

Little did you know Vil was tailing you, he wanted to settle this petty dispute between you two, he didn’t like that you weren’t giving him the slightest bit of attention, as he was going to call out to you, he saw you throw the box of cookies in the trashcan. It made him angry and confused, why did you do that? You said you liked them? Did you lie to Trey?

He picked it up and followed you, you went into the bathroom. He couldn’t follow in there, so he waited, he waited a long time, and you still weren’t out. He looked around before entering and locking the door behind him. “Potato! How rude of you to just thr-“ he stopped mid sentence as horror fills his vision.

He saw you, kneeling down beside the toilet, forcing yourself to vomit. You looked at him with fear, something he never wanted to see in your eyes. “What are you doing?” You ask him, “What am I doing??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” He asks frantically. He places the box near the sink and grabs you by the arm to stand you up.

“Vil let me go!” You tried to wriggle out of his grasp, “Stop that! Stop being difficult!” He scolded, you finally broke lose. “YOU’RE DIFFICULT!” You yelled, tears streaming down your face. “You’re never pleased with me! I’m always ‘potato’ to you! Always imperfect and need to be corrected! You only ever call me pretty when I’m to your liking, fit for your standards, you never let me be me! YOU WANT TO TURN ME INTO YOU!” You shouted, frustrations catching up to you.

You sat on the floor, you felt light headed, you hadn’t ate all day….you fidgeted with your fingers as you sobbed “I’m not you, Vil….I’m not as pretty or as perfect, And I thought you didn’t care that I wasn’t…but everything you say and do makes me feel like you don’t like the real me at all…” you mumbled, sniffling. “I hate how I am too, but hurts a lot when it comes from you…”

He was frozen, he didn’t know what to do, was it him that made you hurt yourself like this? It was. He never meant to, he didn’t want to, all he wanted was to bring out the best in you, that’s all he wanted…right? He kneeled down, not caring if his dirties his uniform…he brushed the hair out of your face, you looked so broken, so hurt…

He took your hand and controls it to give himself a light slap on the cheek, “Whenever I go too far I want you to hurt me okay? Slap me back to reality…tell me not to treat you that way…don’t put yourself through pain for me…” he says keeping your hand on his cheek. “I never want you to do that, to do this…This is bad Y/n you could get badly hurt, don’t do this to yourself….” he voice cracked

He was tearing up as he talked to you, you couldn’t look him in the eye, you were still ashamed of yourself. He felt himself falling apart seeing you this way, he cups your face his hands gently, “My dear, I want you to know, I find you the most beautiful person in this world, the fairest of them all… I’m so sorry I made you feel like you needed to change yourself for me” he cried

“I’m sorry I was overbearing, and strict, but I never want you to change, I fell inlove with the girl wasn’t afraid of getting her hair messed up, the girl who didn’t care about what other people say, the girl who has the brightest smile in her face despite everything. That person was whom I found most beautiful.” You looked up at him also crying. “I love you.” He says in hiccups.

You broke down in another fit of tears, and he embraced you tightly, kissing the crown of your head, he felt every hitch of your breath, every tremble, he felt your pain, he promised himself never to cause you this much pain again.

Once you grew tired of crying he carried you back to Pomefoire, and pampered you with so much love and affection he could give you to make up for what you went through. He took a relaxing bath with you, did skin care and most importantly he made sure you ate something, he ate with you, that way you wouldn’t feel guilty about what you eat cuz he eats it too.

A/N: Eating disorders have always been a big problem I had, so I made this as a reminder to please please please not put yourself through so much pain to be skinny and fit social standards.You are beautiful just the way you are! Ilysm!♥︎

[bambiziip]

riize reaction — interrupting them with a kiss

pairing : established relationship with ot7 riize x gn! reader

genre : fluff & a bit of humor! (debatable if actually funny or not but)

warnings : just kissing and alluding to making out lol

a/n : hii this is my first time writing in like a couple years nowskffkf but i hope you like it. i kinda don’t love it but riize got me back into kpop so just wanted to write a little something for them all! i hope you enjoy, leave a trace if you did!! also my ask box is open if you have any requests for more reactions mwah

song i listened to on loop while writing this :

— SHOTARO

he’s stressing!! cb in the spring means he wants to work on choreo again for the grp

it’s technically a break day but you wanted to see taro in action today

what’s better than seeing him dance <33

he’s finally taken a break, sliding onto the couch next to you where you laid

you immediately sat up, criss-cross applesauce, and pulled on his sleeve just to hold

before you can get a word out to ask how he’s feeling, taro starts ranting about the feel of the cb song

how he doesn’t know if this cb his choreo will stick and all

he’s soo in his own head, he’s really just talking to the void trying to get his thoughts out

taro tends to get like this when he’s stressed, rambly but only with you he actually gets the words out

with you leaning forward, he turns just at the right moment as you give him a small peck on the lips

his mouth immediately quirks up at you and he says, “damn i was rambling again, huh?”

you giggle and push at his chest, “you can ramble all you want to!! it’s just… your lips get all pouty and i can’t help it.”

before he starts the song again, you make sure to poke his lips and give another kiss - for good measure of course

— EUNSEOK

you love eunseok so much, you really do

if you were to set the scene, it’s lovely

you’re cuddled up to your smokeshow boyfriend, under the covers after a long day and you can finally rest

scratch that - eunseok managed to binge watch the latest season of the anime he had been watching today

for the past 10 minutes eunseok’s been ranting about the ending - he wasn’t satisfied with it

“and then they just never made up! can you believe it? the two main characters, friends since birth and they just cut it off for no real reas-“

in less than 5 seconds, you had rested your thumb on eunseok’s chin slightly bringing his bottom lip down and you give him a long kiss

to essentially shut him up, yes! and did!

after breaking apart and mischievously smiling at his dumbfounded face, you just squeezed his arm and he snapped out of the daze

“y/n, you could have told me you wanted to kiss, i’ll just have to tell you about the other arcs later, huh?”

you laughed as you let him wrap your arms around you secure again, “kiss later, sleep now??”

— SUNGCHAN

sungchan really isn’t that dramatic, you swear

he’s currently curled up on the couch with you, laying on his back, with his head resting against your leg scrolling through his phone

you? you’ve been trying to finish this book for the past week and finally have the chance to just chill and do so with your boyfriend also assumingly chilling

except…. sungchan huffs for the 3rd time in the past 60 seconds

oh boy

you can’t help but chuckle and run a hand through his hair after putting your book down, “what’s up channie?”

sungchan tilts his heads to make eye contact as if he’s surprised you asked, not like he was looking for attention at all! (lol)

“nothing baby, i just,” he pauses to turn himself over to lay on his stomach and look at you, “not sure, pretty much your boyfriend took too many pictures and i’m only allocated one post thread today… how will i pick??”

you bite on your bottom lip trying not to laugh at him, the seriousness coming through in his tone as he continued to scroll through pics

you open your mouth to semi make fun of him but he continues on, even turning the phone for you to see just how many photos he took

“channie.”

he looks up abruptly, yup he was in his own world talking, but before he can do anything else you lean in and peck his lips

he smiles, sitting up slightly more and pecking you back

“alright, i’ll ask if i can have two posts today, now c’mere”

you dramatically gasp, “but my book!”

“give me 5 minutessss y/n,” he pouts and the book isn’t in your mind anymore tbh… what book?

— WONBIN

currently your view is of wonbin’s back, it’s nice, he has a cute shirt on

you’ll probably steal it later, shh don’t tell him

speaking of clothes, wonbin has his back turned to you as he pushes back loads of his tops on hangers huffing a bit

“bin, you know it’s just meeting my family and not milan fashion week?” you can’t help but chuckle by the end of your sentence

wonbin dramatically gapes at you as he spins around, cute denim jacket (if you do say so yourself) hanging over his forearm as he walks up to where you are sitting on the edge of his bed

“y/nnnn,” he elongates your name with a tinge of a whine to his voice, “this is serious i want to make a good impression, i can’t be looking stupid to people so close to you! it’d be… i’d never live it down!”

you shake your head, trying to hold a laugh in

honestly it’s really sweet wonbin cares so much you knowww it is, he’s so cute

he opens his mouth to go on another rant on how serious this before you prop yourself up and kiss him, placing your hand on his arm to hold yourself from where you’re sitting

wonbin even leans slightly down to accommodate you, yes he’ll take the kiss

once you break apart, you grin at him as it clicks you just wanted him to shut up and pick an outfit

“i’m going i’m going! i’m choosing…”

— SEUNGHAN

seunghan lovessss taking pictures of you after a date, he has a whole photo album just ask to see it and he’ll show

almost all of the pictures are you near the beach or near some bench as you always end up near a pier in the evenings that you can

“baby! and now you lean behind the bench !” seunghan says in delight like it’s his job to think of new poses

you try not to bust out in laughter at his enthusiasm looking around, “hani, there’s only so many poses i can do here.”

truthfully you love it and seunghan needs to never change, he’s your number one hype man for goodness sake

a few seconds go by and he pouts in thought, “okay we need a new angle, let me crouch down” and he takes a few shots of you giggling at him with a big smile on his own face

once seunghan stands back up, and he starts swiping through everything to add to his folder, you come around from the back of the bench and stand in front of him

loosely wrapping your arms around his neck, nonverbally demanding his attention, he looks up as you lean in to press a kiss to his lips

he kisses back, never the one to really shy away from pda, but he is the one to break the kiss

“well just tell me if you want to make out with the photographer!” he says sorta loudly, causing you to laugh once again rolling your eyes

— SOHEE

sohee loves debriefing his day with youuuu!

one would maybe not think it but as stories pile up from the day, he looks forward to telling you at the end of the day (so freaking cute)

currently you both are in the kitchen, you sitting on the edge of the counter

he’s in an animated reenactment of when sungchan hid shotaro’s phone for the bit in their variety show and sohee was dying to tell the eldest

you’re nodding along to everything with a small smile on your face

honestly you love how cute he is when he gets like this into retelling a story just for you

“i didn’t tell him though, told myself the fans would like the prank carried out and all,” he grinned at you as he walked to the counter you were sitting on leaning near you

“and then-“

you ruffle the top of his head through his soft hair, moving his head gently towards you lovingly pressing a kiss onto his lips cutting him right off

once you break apart, (sohee hardly breaks apart your kisses… the loverboyism) sohee’s looking at you kinda dazed

“alright that was better than my stories.. another?”

— ANTON

anton is sooo sweet

whenever he can, and he sees your coursework laid out on the table he tries to help even if he’s not too sure on the topic

he always compliments you too, calling you the smartest partner in the world

today though, he looked the cutest, he had pushed his glasses up against his hair somewhat holding it back

“jeez this is confusing, it’s telling you to do two things at once, babe.”

as he leaned over pointing to something on the paper in front of you, you couldn’t help but nudge his shoulder and kiss him out of nowhere, planting a sweet one right on his lips

he looked a bit dumbfounded when you broke apart from it, since he was clearly pretty into the coursework help

he smirked once he regained his composure sitting back in his seat, “what… you like the tutor vibe?”

you laughed and rolled your eyes, “you just looked cute, needed to remind you.”

“i’m glad im cute enough, ‘cause not sure if my smarts here are even going to save this class with you…. did you enroll in harvard level classes without me knowing?!”

[81folklore]

happiness - CL16 - part 2

pairing: charles leclerc x ex!reader (fc: sabrina carpenter + pintrest) part 1

summary: releasing a song about your ex might finally stop the rumors surrounding your breakup (or: you release happiness about your ex charles leclerc)

authors note: this is part two, find part one above! this is my first smau so it might not be the best. i hope you guys enjoy :)

masterlist

yourusername

liked by jamesmcvey, landonorris and 1,913,474 others

cologne you were a dream come true, thank you for allowing me to come to your beautiful country and letting me play my songs for you.. and on that note stay tuned on my twitter for a very special announcement 💌

view comments

user5: OMGOMGOMG

user5: i have never been so excited

user63: thank you for continuing to share your music with us🫶

landonorris: one of my favorite songs of yours

yourusername: thank you lan, truly means the world to me🧡

user2: seeing you was a dream come true!!

yourusername: glad you had a good time!

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 2,235,673 others

happiness is now yours, forever and always🌙

this tour has been one of the most memorable times of my life. i went into this tour with my muse cheering me on from the sidelines and releasing this song without him being right there feels strange but i know he will see it, i know he will listen to it and i know he will hear me.

growing up while in a relationship is terrifying but knowing that we have grown apart is scary, my life has always been him. hes been by my side for years and vise versa so to not have him there anymore is terrifying. but i am learning, i am learning how to live on my own, i am learning how to find happiness in things i used to without him and i am learning how to live once again

happiness is a personal favorite of mine and i hope you enjoy it as much as i do. thank you for letting me do this and thank you for always listening to me💌

view comments

user7: brb sobbing

charles_leclerc: 🌟

yourusername: 🌙

user18: THE MOON AND STAR THING OH HOW I MISS THEM😭😭

henrymoodie: ill never get bored of this song

yourusername: liar, you told me to turn it off multiple times..

henrymoodie: in my defense you played it on loop for hours

oliviarodrigo: im so in love with you

yourusername: mwahh

authors note: and its over (maybe)!! this has been one of the most fun but stressful things i have ever done in my entire life! requests are open so feel free to send them in and i would really appreciate and constructive criticism you may have :)

[missjadesfics]

“Looking for Trouble”

Austin!Elvis x Reader dividers: @cafekitsune @rookthornesartistry Request: Yes Summary: After Elvis is arrested for his rebellious defiance during 'Trouble,' his girlfriend, the reader, bails him out of jail. Warnings: smut 18+ MDNI, praise kink, unprotected p in v sex, wrap it before you tap it, thoughts of being parents, slight breeding kink, oral sex (f receiving), daddy kink Word Count: 2.4k Disclaimer: All rights for the Elvis film and Elvis's music belong to him and Presley Enterprises. Comments likes, and reblogs are always adored and appreciated xx

Being the girlfriend of the new rock and roll sensation had its ups and downs. The Colonel would have preferred Elvis break up with Y/n and focus on his singing. But Elvis made it clear; he would date her no matter what anyone says. Y/n grew up with Elvis; his mother and hers were both pregnant at the same time. Y/n and Elvis were born a month apart, Elvis being older. When Vernon went to jail, Y/n’s mother spent every day comforting Gladys while Y/n kept little Elvis company while they played together. Elvis always told her he would become a superhero and save his father, taking him to the Rock of Eternity. When Y/n’s mother passed away, Y/n was only eight years old when Gladys and Vernon were given guardianship and custody of Y/n. Her mother had requested it; she knew the Presleys would care for and love Y/n like she was their own. As time passed, Y/n often indulged Elvis and his dreams, saying she would always be beside him. 

As they grew up, Elvis developed a love for singing and African-American music; he and Y/n listened to the music whenever they could. His southern voice turned into something charming and melodic in his teenage years, making Y/n swoon. So one day, Elvis recorded Arthur ‘Big Boy’ Crudrup’s “That’s All Right” at Sun Records; the owner, Sam Phillps, had his voice playing everywhere on radios and records. That is how the Colonel discovered him; he mistook Elvis for a black man, but when he learnt he wasn’t, Elvis would be a Louisana Hayride. The Colonel had successfully convinced Elvis to leave Sun Records and have the Colonel manage his music and his career. And that’s how Elvis ended up where he is today. He had a decision to make: be the new Elvis and make everyone happy. He had to give up the ‘vulgar and lewd music and dance movements’ or break the rules and deal with the consequences later.

“You know what? I think I’m gonna sing a song the Colonel ain’t expecting. I’m gonna show em’ the real Elvis tonight” Elvis adjusted his black jacket Y/n smiled, looking at her boyfriend in the mirror. “Well, honey, I’m looking forward to it.” She grabbed his red tie, making her way over to him. “You look very handsome, Mr. Presley,” she giggled. Elvis turned around, his blue eyes roaming her figure in her new dress as she put on and fixed his tie. “Satnin, you look as beautiful as ever. My pretty girl,” he smiled, holding her face and kissing her sweetly. Y/n moaned lightly into the kiss; her eyes fluttered closed. Elvis pulled away, brushing his nose on hers gently. Elvis chuckled, seeing her eyes still closed. “Am I that good, sweetheart?” he purred, his southern accent sending shivers through her body. Y/n bit her lip, nodding. “Perfect, as always, baby, “ she replied softly. Elvis breathed in before turning to look at himself again in the mirror. He smirked, wrapping an arm around Y/n’s waist and pulling her before him. “Okay, baby girl, time for me to cause some Trouble.” Elvis licked his lips, kissing her cheek Y/n gave him a knowing look. “What have you got planned, Mr Presley?” she raised a brow at his tone. Elvis laughed lightly, whispering, “You’ll see.” 

Y/n climbed out of the car as she helped Gladys and walked with her arm looped with hers as Veron walked with them to their seats behind the stage. Elvis stood in the centre, his guitar strapped around his shoulder, listening to the crowd of young men and women cheering for him. Y/n noticed they separated the black people with a rope, keeping them on one side. Y/n felt disgusted as she felt Gladys’s hand grip hers, a sad smile on her face. “I know, baby, they don’t understand. It’s all right, we know, you and Elvis. You both accept everyone for who they are and what they are. You are both different, my special babies. I wish your mama were here to see that, but she will be watching” She kissed Y/n’s head softly as Y/n nodded, smiling at Gladys as Elvis’ voice rang through the microphone. “There’s been a lot of talk about the new Elvis”, the crowd jeered in response. Elvis looked into the crowd and raised his hand. 

“And, of course, that other guy”, putting all his fingers down except his pinky finger and bending it jokingly. “You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, cryin all the ti-” Elvis chuckled into the microphone; he looked up at the speakers, hearing a voice. “There’s a lot of people saying a lot of things. Of course, you gotta listen to the people you love” He turned quickly, glancing at the Colonel, who nodded. Elvis glanced over at Y/n, his smile boarding Y/n mouthed, “Listen to yourself” She blew him a kiss. Elvis’s blue eyes shined at her words; nodding, he held the microphone. “But someone special always reminds me that in the end, you gotta listen to yourself. So I want you to know those New York people ain’t gonna change me none!” Elvis removed his guitar. The Colonel looked confused, and he glanced at Y/n. He knew something was changing, but he just didn’t know what. Elvis walked back to the centre of the stage; he turned to his band. “Trouble”, he said, winking at Y/n; she realised ‘Okay, baby girl, time for me to cause some Trouble’ his earlier words played in her head. “I’m gonna show you what the real Elvis is like tonight!” He shouted, and the crowd cheered.

Elvis raised his hand as the band played the first cord. Elvis looked behind his arm, swinging down. “If you’re looking for Trouble”, the band played the song. Vernon shook his head. “No, no”, he moved in his seat. “You came to the right place. If you’re looking for trouble just look right in my face.” His hips and legs began to move slightly to the rhythm of the music. “I was born standing up, and talking back. My daddy was a green-eyed mountain jack” He raised his hands to his hair, his body swinging back and forth as the music gained momentum. Y/n felt her heart race, watching her man dance and sing, “Because I’m evil, my middle name is misery. Well, I’m evil, so don’t you mess around with me.” Elvis looked at the Colonel, tilting his head and signalling his words as a warning. 

As the song continued, the crowd grew crazier as Elvis, too, became entranced by his music and dancing on the stage. The Colonel ordered the police to remove Elvis from the stage. The danger grew as the crowd climbed over one another towards the stage. Elvis fought the police as the Colonel came over to the Presleys and Y/n as the fans began to riot against the police. “Uh, now would be a good time to return to the car” He chuckled nervously. Gladys gripped Y/n’s hand, pulling her to the car and seeing Elvis being pushed into a police car. “ELVIS!” Y/n shouted to her boyfriend, looking in alarm. “Y/n baby, go with mumma, okay, I’ll be alright!” he told her Y/n nodded in understanding. Climbing into the car, the driver drove away as Y/n looked back, seeing the chaos erupt rapidly red fireworks appearing in the sky. 

Elvis was kept in jail overnight for his lewd concert; sitting in the cold cell, his knee bounced anxiously. He heard Y/n’s sweet voice ring through the hall. “I have bail money for Mr Presley”, she said to the officers, who reluctantly allowed Elvis to bail as he waited at the door. Tapping the bars, he ran through the open door, running to Y/n and embracing her tightly. “Oh baby, thank you!” He exclaimed, running out of the station to Elvis’s car and quickly driving back to Graceland. When the car engine turned off, Elvis took Y/n in his arms, carrying her inside the house. Closing the door shut quietly, the young lovebirds ran up the stairs into their bedroom. 

Elvis locked his door and pulled Y/n in a passionate kiss. Elvis removed his black jacket and red tie. Y/n unzipped her dress, hurriedly throwing it over the chair. Elvis moaned his Adam’s apple bobbing, seeing Y/n in her pretty black lace underwear. His favourite. Elvis admired his girl, his feet carrying him over slowly. Y/n tilted her head slightly upwards to look into his eyes. There wasn’t much height difference, but they both loved that Elvis still had to lean slightly to kiss her. “So beautiful” His husky voice came out like a purr. Elvis swiped his thumb along her bottom lip. His palm cupped her face, and his face lit up at her doe eyes, watching him intently. Elvis kissed Y/n softly, his hand dropping from her cheek; he leaned down and picked her up. Carrying her to his large bed and laying her down, her hands tugged at his black dress shirt. Elvis unbuttoned it slowly. Teasing Y/n, he smirked, seeing her thighs rubbing together, a helpless moan falling from her lips. Her eyes glittered with desire, and her finger reached around her back to unclasp her bra, the straps falling down her shoulders. Throwing the garment away, Elvis’s chest rose and fell heavily, his hands unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. Y/n bit her lip, her eyes following Elvis fall to his stomach on the bed, nudging her legs apart.

Y/n dragged her hand down her body and raked them through Elvis’s hair; he grinned at the sensation. His eyes fell closed, kissing her inner thighs; he groaned, feeling her tug on his hair. His hands gripped her last piece of clothing Y/n giggled at his enthusiasm, helping him. “One of these days, baby, Imma just gonna rip em’ right up”, he growled, his voice dropping an octave Y/n sighed. “Baby, don’t go rippin’ anything”, she whined before moaning loudly, feeling Elvis’s tongue on her pussy. Her arousal dripped down onto the bed; Elvis lapped eagerly, his hands intertwined with Y/n’s on either side of her body. “Elvis!” Y/n gasped, her body tensing at the feeling of his tongue delving between her wet folds and sucking her swollen pearl. Elvis Presley was very talented with his tongue, not just gifted in to help his singing, but pussy eating too. Y/n would give him a crown and title for his expertise in providing her waves of pleasure. He could live in between her legs; if he could, he often said it; he’d be so busy he would mumble in her pussy. “I’d die a happy man buried between your legs, little mama. A real happy man” Y/n would always shudder at his words. Y/n was brought back to reality by hearing Elvis growl “Good girl, lettin daddy take care of you”, Y/n moaned, arching her hips. “Always for you, Daddy” Elvis’s blue eyes darted up, seeing Y/n’s face twisted in pleasure, her mouth open, strings of his favourite sounds leaving her lips. 

Elvis continued his ministrations. Y/n’s high-pitched whines were a sign that she was close. Elvis knew her like the back of his hand; he could feel her legs begin to shake. Elvis removed one of his hands from hers, entering two fingers inside her, feeling her inner walls clench around his fingers immediately. Y/n’s free hand combed through his ink-black hair, tugging on the roots. “Elvis, honey, please, I’m close”, she cried out Y/n gasped sharply, her body jolting. Elvis curled his fingers, his fingers increasing pace, working Y/n through her climax. Elvis moaned, not letting a drop go to waste, ensuring he was savouring her.

Crawling up her body, Elvis removed his boxer briefs, kissing her chest tenderly, working his way up her neck along her jaw, finally landing on her lips. Elvis breathed heavily, staring into her eyes. “You want me to use protection, baby?” His soft voice made her heart flutter Y/n smiled as she shook her head. “No, I want to feel all of you. I need to feel all of you,” She whispered. Elvis smiled gently; he kissed her cheek delicately before hissing lightly, feeling her walls around him. Y/n moaned and let out a sigh as her arms and legs wrapped around Elvis’s body, pulling him closer to her. “That’s it, little mama, take me so well.” He praised, rocking his hips slowly; the raw feeling of her velvety walls around his cock left him breathless. Normally, they would use protection, but he silently thanked Y/n for changing it this time and not wanting to use protection. He has always loved the idea of being a father; he wants little ones to run around Graceland and play in the grass on sunny days. Sitting inside watching TV on rainy days. The thought of Y/n being a mother. He internally groaned at the image. 

Elvis didn’t realise his thrusts grew harder in pace with his desire fueling him. Y/n writhed underneath him, a smile playing on his lips. “I’ve been thinkin’. Thinkin’ bout’ you and me with a lil one,” he grunted Y/n’s eyes open, studying Elvis’s face contorted in pleasure. She blinked softly, feeling her walls flutter around his cock at the thought of being a mother. “Mhmm” She nodded in response. Elvis held her face. “You like that idea, have ourselves a baby?” He moaned, kissing her throat Y/n whimpered. “Want a baby, Elvis, please.” she begged. Her boyfriend breathed heavily, his head resting against hers. “I love you so much, Y/n. My special girl,” Elvis smiled, his blue eyes filled with love and lust. Y/n’s eyes mirrored his, and both smiled, "I love you too, Elvis." Elvis’s thrusts became uneven. Holding Y/n’s hand beside her head, both felt their peaks crash together. Elvis kissed Y/n; their loud moans muffled, his hips slowing down. Pulling away from the kiss, the young couple giggled lightly. Elvis slowly climbed off Y/n and pulled her to his chest. Kissing her head, he wrapped his arms around her body. Elvis pulled the silk covers over their bodies, and both quietly basked in the afterglow together. 

“Thanks for bailing me out of jail, baby. I didn’t really think that through, to be honest.” He let out a hearty laugh. Y/n kissed his chest and leaned on her arm; Y/n gave him a mischievous glint in her eye accompanied by a smirk, whispering against his mouth,

“Oh honey, it was really no Trouble”

[navybrat817]

A New Tradition

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Summary: Bucky doesn't have any holiday traditions, but maybe he can start something new with you. Word Count: Over 2.5k Warnings: Slight angst, mention of trauma, pining, falling in love, slight feels (it's me), canon divergent, Bucky Barnes (he’s a warning, okay?). Future fluff and smut for this couple. A/N: This idea hit me and it wouldn't let go until I wrote it down. Set in the same AU as lumberjack!Steve, I hope to share more when I can. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Banner and moodboard by yours truly. Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky stared at the ceiling from the floor as he tried to fall asleep. Evergreen and spice lingered in his nostrils from the earlier festivities of the evening. One of the songs you sang over dinner played in a loop in his head, a beautiful melody of hope.

It didn't stop him from feeling as cold as the weather outside.

Random bouts of insomnia weren't new to him, but he couldn't put his finger on what his issue was tonight. It was a good day filled with happy moments thanks to you, the neighbor he harbored a crush on. He moved into the building around the same time as you after his pardon and someone delivered one of your packages to his door by mistake. Luckily you lived just across the hall and he made sure the box ended up in your hands.

He hadn’t expected a goddess in human form to answer the door.

“I got your box,” he said harsher than he intended to.

He half expected you to slam the door in his face for his tone. If you recognized him as the former Winter Soldier, you kept it to yourself. In fact, you didn’t look afraid of him at all as you took the box from his hands. He almost told you that you should be scared of him.

“Thank you so much for bringing it over,” you smiled.

It was the start of an unexpected friendship. He tried to find excuses to stop and talk to you whenever he saw you, which ended with him giving you an awkward smile in the beginning before he walked away. He used to know how to talk to girls and it was silly having a crush on a neighbor when he was trying to get his head on straight.

If only you didn’t make it so easy to want.

And you either found him endearing or entertaining since you began to invite him over for dinners.

Every other week, you’d trade off meals and talk about the day. You split your day between your job and making and selling jewelry online. The pieces you showed him were beautiful. You put so much care into them.

While he couldn’t give you all the details of his missions, he found himself more comfortable talking to you as time went on. One of the things he liked was that you always asked what he needed. If he wanted advice, you’d give it. If he wanted you to listen, you did just that. If he just wanted to talk, you chatted with ease.

You even stayed up with him after a few nightmares.

He was used to dealing with people who had agendas or messed with his head, but you didn’t play games.

Steve and Sam were both happy when he finally told them about you. After the former Captain America found his own girl and a bit of peace after everything, he hoped Bucky was on the path to doing the same. It impressed Sam that he actually talked to you instead of keeping everything inside.

It didn’t stop him from feeling like a burden some days.

“You’re always welcome at my place and you can always talk to me, Jamie.”

No one else was allowed to call him that.

When you heard he wasn’t doing anything around the holidays, you offered to make him a nice dinner since you wouldn't be around your family. They were, unfortunately, too far away for a quick visit. You joked that he had to watch a movie with you after dinner if he decided to come over. It was nice that you extended an invitation to him, especially when he didn’t have any traditions or anything else to look forward to.

Bucky had every intention of getting you the perfect present until an extended mission came up. He barely made it back in time to see you. Steve had to rush home to his girl and the same with Sam and his family. He declined both of their offers for him to join them, not wanting to impose on them or let you down by not showing up.

"You made it!" you said excitedly when you opened the door, looking as gorgeous as ever in a little black dress. He'd fantasize about you in it later. "You aren't hurt? You're okay?"

"Not a scratch," he assured you when he stopped staring.

"Good," you sighed in relief. "May I give you a hug? I missed you."

You didn't give him hugs without his permission and he appreciated your thoughtfulness that he might not want to be touched some days. He held his arms out for you as he wordlessly answered, taking a moment to cherish your embrace when you moved close. He didn't let it linger since he didn't want you to be uncomfortable.

But he wished he would've held you a bit longer.

"Missed you, too," he whispered as you led him inside.

If he read into it, he would’ve thought the setup was romantic. He felt a little underdressed in his leather jacket and jeans, but you didn't judge. You served by candlelight and you made sure to include all sorts of dishes he enjoyed. He ate and savored every bite. You even had a gift waiting for him under the tree before you started the movie.

He almost hugged the personalized apron and small book of recipes you made for him. He already had a meal in mind to make for you as a thank you for the next weekly dinner. But that wasn't all. You pulled out a small, white and black box from the back of the tree and handed it to him.

"You're spoiling me," he joked.

"I wanted to," you teased, messing with the hem of your dress as he opened the box.

He held his breath as he held up the dog tags. They were almost an exact replica of the ones around his neck, but there was a difference when he flipped one of them over. He ran his thumb over the letters as he read them out loud.

"I am James Bucky Barnes."

He explained to you once his need to make amends. That he was no longer the Winter Soldier. That he didn't have a choice. You took his words and created a gift for him.

His hands destroyed so many things while yours brought beauty into the world.

"I hope you like it," you said, still messing with your dress. A nervous habit he picked up on. "I know you wear yours, but I thought it would be nice to have those just in case."

"Thank you," he croaked, clearing his throat as he carefully placed them back in the box. "And I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet for not having your gift ready."

"You came over and spent the evening with me. That is a gift," you said with such sincerity that he wasn’t worthy of receiving.

Of course you wouldn’t take any offense that he showed up empty-handed. Why were you so kind to him? He wished there was mistletoe nearby simply to have the excuse to kiss you. He also wanted to thank you for making him feel at home.

Do I have a home anymore?

Naturally, he chose to flee when that thought became too much.

"You sure you don't want to stay?" you asked carefully as he gathered his things and got ready to leave. “We don’t have to watch the movie.”

"I should get back to my place, but thank you," was all he said.

His place, but not his home.

"Are you okay?" you asked.

"I will be," he said, not wanting to lie to you.

You nodded and thanked him for stopping by. You also told him to call or come back if he needed anything. The image of your sad smile as you walked him to the door would haunt him. He just knew it. He wondered if you’d ever invite him over again for another dinner after his abrupt departure.

He attempted to meditate once he got home, but it didn’t quiet his mind. Working out got some of the tension in his body out, but not much else. He debated going back to your place, but it was too late by then.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Bucky rubbed a hand over his face before his eyes trailed to the clock on the wall. It was almost 3am and he knew sleep wouldn't come to him. He grabbed his phone and debated calling you. He didn’t want to disturb you, but he wanted to hear your voice.

He half hoped you wouldn’t answer since you deserved a peaceful night of sleep, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep himself until the two of you talked.

You answered on the second ring. “Hey, Bucky,” you said with a small yawn.

Were you up waiting for me to call or did I wake you?

“I’m sorry about tonight,” he said immediately. He had to get that out there.

“Please, don’t apologize,” you replied. He knew he should’ve let you rest. “Do you need me to listen, talk, or give advice?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his vibranium hand forming a fist as he took a deep breath. “You treated me to a nice night. The best night and I just,” he gritted his teeth and exhaled through his nose. “Fuck, I don’t know.”

He was at a loss because everything tonight was right and he didn’t know what was wrong. If he couldn’t pinpoint the issue, how could he know how to fix it? How could you? It was bad enough when he was alone with his own mind and nightmares, but it was another when he felt helpless.

He didn’t like that sense of control being taken away from his own thoughts.

“Do you mind if I say something?” you offered after a few more seconds of silence.

“Not at all,” he whispered, if only to hear you speak.

“I think you might be feeling a bit alone or lost,” you said. He heard a bit of shuffling around and wondered if you were trying to get comfortable. “Holidays, for many, are about being with family and friends. When was the last time you got to celebrate with your loved ones?”

“Before I went off to war,” he whispered.

He swallowed as he put his head on the pillow. Hydra made sure he never felt the happiness of this time of year. The couple of years he went into hiding after the fall, he was alone. After healing in Wakanda, he went back into the fight. The snap happened.

And his family?

They’re long gone now.

Sam, Nat, everyone had their own traditions. Steve lost so much and deserved his quiet moments outside of the city. None of them needed to rearrange their lives to accommodate him.

Holidays were a joyous time, but also a reminder of things lost and what could have been.

“Jamie,” you breathed out. “If my dinner tonight upset you in any way, I’m-”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he stopped you, gripping his phone tighter. “It isn’t your fault my family is gone and you aren’t the cause of my pain.”

One of the reasons he respected you was because you didn’t pity him. He didn’t want you to start tonight.

“Then I need you to take back your apology because you aren’t the cause of my pain either,” you argued.

Touche.

“But I left you alone after you went to all that trouble and had those gifts made for me,” he said.

Why are you not mad at me?

“It wasn’t any trouble, but maybe it was too much or overwhelming."

“I swear, it wasn’t,” he said. How could he make you believe him? “I just have no traditions now. No special meals, movies, gifts, things to pass on, nothing."

He did just fine on his own for years, but things changed. He wouldn’t have believed he deserved happy moments before therapy and meeting you, but he did and he does. You gave him a taste of what he could have. Why couldn't he let himself take it?

"Maybe I can help you create a new tradition."

"You're done more than enough," he promised, smiling at your offer.

You've done more than you could ever know.

“I wanted to give you a special night, but I didn’t check in to see if the holiday dinner was what you really wanted. I should’ve asked, Jamie.”

“Are you kidding? Without you, I wouldn’t have even had a holiday to celebrate. It was perfect,” he promised you, standing up as he tried to gather the courage to say that you are perfect. “Did you know the only thing I wanted to do when I got back was see you?”

“Really?” you asked in a small voice. “That was the only thing you wanted?”

“Really,” he said. It wasn’t a full confession, but it was coming out. “And that’s exactly what I got, so thank you.”

“Well, to be honest, the reason I suggested a movie was so we could possibly cuddle,” you admitted.

And I fucking ruined it.

“I would’ve liked cuddling,” he said, smirking a bit. “And I really liked your dress.”

“I wore that just for you,” you said in a hushed voice, like you were trying to keep quiet. “Is there anything else about tonight that you wish would’ve been different? If you could do it all over again?”

“Honestly?” he said, not caring that he only had his boxer briefs on as he left his bedroom and headed toward the main door. “I would’ve kissed you the moment I got back from the mission.”

Even with his super soldier hearing, he had no idea you were on the other side of the door until he opened it. You still had your phone in hand as you gazed at him, no longer wearing the black dress. You switched to red and green pajamas that looked amazing on you, but he would prefer them on his floor.

“New tradition proposal,” you smiled as you stepped inside and ended the call. “We have a nice meal together, exchange gifts by the tree, and cuddle on the couch for a movie.

"Okay," he smiled, hanging up his phone, too.

"And end the night with a kiss," you said hopefully.

“I don’t think so,” he shook his head.

Your face fell when you took a step back. “Oh. I’m sorry. I should-”

He reached out to pull you back toward him, smiling when your eyes widened. “Kiss me every chance you get," he said as he removed his dog tags and put them around your neck. "Starting right now.”

You smiled just as bright as you did the first day he met you. “I think I’m going to like this tradition.”

“Me, too,” he whispered, pressing his lip against yours.

Bucky couldn’t wait to start many more traditions with you.

What other traditions would we like to see from our new couple? We have Valentine's Day!❤️ Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[malereadermaniac]

Cool about it. - Kuroo x Male Reader

I recommend looping the song while reading this <3

Your chest hurt

You're used to the feeling, though it doesn't make it hurt any less

Walking home with Kuroo was a daily occurrence, just like his bragging about the number of confessions he had received that day

He always tries to tease you about how you "get no action (n/n)"

He doesn't know you're gay

You've tried to tell him before, but you chickened out after looking into your bestfriends eyes for a second too long

"And then there was this girl in my chem class............."

Kuroo babbles on

It hurts you

You get that funny feeling in your chest everything he talks about girls

But you never let your facade slip, and continue to pretend that you're interested and support him

By this point, it may as well be method acting

"How come you don't crush on any girls, (n/n)?"

" 'cause I don't like girls."

You didn't even think

It just slipped out

"Oh..."

You look up at the taller man with fear in your eyes

But he has a smirk on his lips

"How come you don't have the guys lining up then?" He teases

It didn't affect him whatsoever

Kuroo is a good friend to you, unconditional support no matter what

Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like him, so why did his support kill you on the inside

It gives you butterflies in the worst way possible...

"Hey! Wait for me, (n/n)!" Kuroo shouts from behind you

You tried to escape early today. Your heart couldn't really take more of his girl blabber

"Oh, sorry, Kuroo" you say with a small smile

The walk I again filled with his own talk about girls

But he pauses at one moment

"About what you said yesterday...."

"We don't have to talk about it" you interrupt quickly

You smile up at him and keep walking

Kuroo sighs but smiles back

Truth be told, Kuroo always rejected the girls that asked him out

He had put it down to the fact that a relationship would only add more stress to his life - he already gets only 4 hours of sleep because of his parents fighting

But recently, he's been thinking that he'd also rather spend time with you

And if he were I a relationship, then that would mean he couldn't

But he kept the thought to himself as he walked you home

Lying in bed late at night was something you usually did

But you looked at the alarm clock at said "3:00" in big red numbers and sighed

Those evil butterflies have returned, you'd been thinking about Kuroo again

Tears flowed down your cheeks as you breathed shallowly

You'd wished he was less of a good person

You'd wished that Kuroo would just be cruel about it and drop you after he'd found out you liked guys

But he didn't

He did the bare-minimum but it still made your heart flutter after he'd accepted you so easily

You lie on your side and continue to cry until your ducts are dry

Thinking about Kuroo until you'd fallen asleep

Just 10 minuets away, Kuroo was also awake in bed

Listening as his parents argue about idiotic things

He doesn't want a relationship like theirs

Kuroo's thoughts drift as his parents' argument fades into the background

He doesn't ever want a marriage like his parents. He wants to be friends with his lover

Get to know them really well, as well as he knows you

Then his thoughts drift to thoughts of you

Kuroo really liked you, the two of you clicked immediately when you were sat together in English

He was closer to you than with Kenma, and that's saying a lot

From admiring you as a friend, Kuroo's thoughts moved on to how cute you were

You took his teasing with a blush, and even teased him back sometimes

He then thought about how cute you looked - his type exactly but as a guy instead of a girl

He liked the nicknames you'd given each other, sort of like pet names

After a solid half an hour, Kuroo noticed his parents had gone to sleep and shut up, and that he'd been thinking about you for half an hour...

And his thoughts were definitely not very 'no homo'

A funny feeling filled his stomach as he thought about you again

Kuroo fell asleep finally, but the thought of you didn't leave his mind

School the next day was a little different

Kuroo still met you early in the morning to walk with you, and there was the normal complaining about his parents

He only did that with you, he was comfortable around you

But his blabber about girls was missing, it gave you a well needed break...

During English, you noticed him staring at you a lot

"You good, Roo?" You whisper warmly

His eyes stared into yours for a second too long

"I'm great..." he whispers with a smile, it made your heart pang

You wish you could have him as more than a friend, but it'll pass (you hope)

You'll forget about it.

Break and lunch was normal with the guys, but Kuroo was a lot more touchy with you than normal

An arm around the shoulder was normal, but asking you to feed him as he sat behind you and hugged you was strange

You'd almost had it by the end of volleyball

He kept looking over to you and smirking, it made you feel uneasy

And when one of the guys asked him about the girl in chem

Kuroo responded in a way that made you feel sick yo your stomach

"Nah, I'd rather spend time with (n/n) than her"

You were silent on your way back home, mumbling responses to Kuroo's "are you okay?"s

You felt ill from the mix of emotiond

When you felt his hand on yours, you snapped

Your heart was pounding, and your face went pale

"WHAT IS UP WITH YOU TODAY??!"

Lucky you were both in front of your house and not in the middle of the street

"What do you mean, (n/n)?" Kuroo tries to reach for you and calm you down

"Don't (n/n) me, Kuroo. You've made my day hell today with all the mixed signals... I guess you figured it out and decided to tease me. You've taken it too far!"

Kuroo was worried

Worried to lose you over something he had no idea about, worried that this argument reminded him of his parents, worried him that he may lose you as more than just a friend

"Mixed signals? What do you mean, (y/n)??"

Kuroo was pleading, his face full of sadness and worry

"Don't play dumb... you figured out I like you and... and you're being a dick about it"

Kuroo's world stops

"You... like me?" Kuroo says confused, but then a smile starts to form

"Great..." tears spill from your eyes

"You didn't know and now I've told you. I'm sorry, Kuroo... you can pretend you never heard that." You say as your tears drop onto your shirt and the floor

You rush into your house, locking the door as Kuroo shouts for you to come back put and talk

A day passed by

Kuroo tried to talk to you in the morning, but you shut him down with a short "later"

Everyone noticed the two of you weren't talking

Your day was consumed by him, and vice versa

It felt like you were drowning in the emotions and thoughts of only one thing: Kuroo

By routine, you head over to the volleyball court

"(Y/n) we have to talk"

Your skin crawls and you jump from the surprise

You turn around and see a glum looking Kuroo

"Yeah, we need to talk about it at some point..."

The two of you head towards a more secluded area

Your hearts racing

Your chest is in an indescribable kind of pain

You feel so ill, you might hurl

"I'll start, I guess..." you say quietly

Kuroo stays quiet and listens

"I promise I didn't like like you since the beginning... I did see you as a friend. It's just that for the past year, I've had these feelings that I can't explain"

"I think I know the feeling you're talking about, (n/n).... that panging feeling in your chest and heart"

You feel warm from the nickname

You look into his eyes and smile

"Yeah... those fucking butterflies..."

"I'm sorry that I like you, it's a lot to put on you... plus you like girls so I know it's an impossible situation" you say with a defeated chuckle as your eyes fall to the ground

"No!"

Kuroo's shout brings your eyes back up to his

"I- I like you too! Or at least... I think so? I've always liked girls but with you... I like you more than any girl I've ever dated! When I think of the kind of relationship I want with someone, I think of the one I have with you! It's all slipped passed me until now but..."

"(Y/n)... I think I'm in love with you!"

Your heart skips a beat

Tears flood your eyes, and you and Kuroo both go in for a hug

Not for a kiss, there's still a lot more talking to do before you can both get the sweet relief of a kiss

But a tight, long hug will do for now

Those evil butterflies have been replaced with good ones

You're chest no longer hurts

[pinknightsinmymind]

【 found family hc's 】

abby anderson x fem!reader & ellie williams x fem!reader

wc: 4.4k

song rec: house song by searows. i listened to this on loop the entire time i was writing.

content: established relationship, modern!au, fluff galore, hc's for both abs and els, christmas with abs!!!!, bbq with ellie and family, minor angst, but this is all fluff so sweet it rots your teeth, hc's AND long blurbs for abby and ellie, mentions of parent loss(in this modern!au abby's mother passed away), mentions of adoption(for ellie's hc's), and sarah is here!! she is ellie's older sister <33 also pls read a/n for more info

a/n: in which you are dating one of the girlies, meet their fathers, and detailing your journey into becoming part of the family. i kinda wrote this with the idea of what it’s like to not come from a healthy family in mind, but it’s also vague and written in a way where you’re able to interpret it and shape it to fit whatever you have in mind and relate it to what you know. the main theme here, though, is finding/making your own family and building a beautiful life despite your past. this is kinda just me hoping i’ll be able to do the same one day. i began writing this while really sad, but i’m posting this in much better spirits. this started with my sadness, but now it makes me feel hopeful. anyways, pls enjoy, and if you think you’ll need them, get your tissues ready. i love you all and you are all so beautiful and worthy of love and good things. and if any of you ever need anything, my inbox and dm's are open <333

GENERAL HEADCANONS — applies to both abby and ellie

It’s an uncomfortable conversation, but when your relationship with her started getting serious, you explained what your family/home life was like and that although you’d love to, your family probably wouldn’t want to foster a close relationship with either of you. You told her you understood if this was a dealbreaker and if it was something she couldn’t tolerate, but that wasn’t her reaction at all. Instead, you were met with complete understanding that almost left you sobbing. You were happy to have someone finally understand that family—and navigating it—hasn’t been easy for you and it was good to not have things out of your control held against you for once.

As your relationship progressed, she made it clear to you that she’d love to introduce you to her family and that they were excited to meet you. She promised that they’d accept you into open arms and that everything would go well, so there was nothing to worry about.

You were nervous, of course, unsure how any of it would unfold because you had never met her family before. You had heard so much about them and knew they must have been amazing people to have raised someone as great as your girlfriend, but you were still scared. What if they could see everything wrong with you with just one look? What if they thought you were too damaged and no good for their daughter? Or what if they just didn’t like you? It was all so worrisome, but your girlfriend assured you it would all be okay.

Meeting the rest of the family was one thing, but meeting their fathers was the scariest part.

ABBY ANDERSON

You met Abby's dad during Thanksgiving—typical and sappy, but just so Abby. Of course she’d bring someone home during the holidays. You had been dating her for almost a year now, so it was about time you met him. You knew that Abby's mother passed when she was very young, and you also knew it would just be the three of you together for the holiday. Jerry did everything to make any occasion happy for his daughter since he knew her life would be hard enough without a mother, and that included holidays. As a busy surgeon—the top one of your city’s hospital, no less—he’s lucky to get this day off, and although he can’t make a whole turkey on his own, he cooks many other dishes to make up for it. He goes all out making desserts as he likes baking more than cooking, and he’s the main reason Abby has such a sweet tooth.

Jerry is nothing but welcoming to you, telling you how he’s heard so much about you (which in turn makes Abby blush, thinking to herself, He wasn’t supposed to say that! but she still keeps her cool). He asks you all about yourself, if you’re in school and what for, what your plans for the future are, then jumps straight into his dad-threats. He tells you in a serious voice that you better take care of his daughter, then lets out a laugh and offers you a slice of pie.

It went well, and you even stayed the night at Abby's childhood home, sleeping in her big and well-furnished room.

“What do you think?” she asked.

“I think it went well,” you said. The two of you were huddled up underneath the covers in her old bed, and it’s comfier than you expected. Maybe it’s because Abby has you pulled close to her chest as her hand rubs comforting circles on your back, but it’s still heavenly. “I just can’t tell if he likes me or not.”

“Please, he likes you,” she assured you. You could feel her trailing her hand down your sides gently now. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in such a good mood today. Promise.” You let out a small sigh at her words. You didn’t want to argue with her about this, and you felt the only thing you could possibly do was hope she was right.

You did see Jerry a few times after that, but it was only when Abby invited you to go see him with her. He was always kind and welcoming, but you couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling in your chest that maybe he didn’t actually like you. What if he was faking all of it? You couldn’t think of any good reasons why he’d like you and accept you with open arms. It didn’t make sense to you because all you knew to expect from a parental figure was rejection. Maybe he just didn’t think you were good enough for his daughter. You didn’t tell Abby any of this, though, because you knew she’d be crushed to hear you don’t think her dad likes you. It’s also because she’ll just tell you for the millionth time he does, and you’d hate asking her for the same reassurance over and over again. In the case of her father’s acceptance, it would do nothing to quell your fears.

You hadn’t expected the holiday season to help erase these fears, but they did. After a late night of watching movies, Abby brought up visiting her father for Christmas with you by her side. She was excited as she told you all about her and her dad’s traditions: drinking hot coco, watching cheesy Christmas movies, stockings full of gifts, and the works. You couldn’t tell her no. Not when her face was beaming with excitement and she had a big smile across her face. You appreciated how much she wanted to include you—no, scratch that, cherished it—but deep down inside you felt out of place. You felt like an environment as soft and as warm as that was not a place where you belonged. It’s not what you knew, not what you were used to, but you put on a brave face for Abby.

You didn’t believe her when she told you how extensively Jerry decorated the house, but it was exactly as she said. As soon as you walked through the front door, you could smell the vanilla candles and the scent of pine mixed together. You were greeted not only by Jerry, but by the presence of mini-Santa statues and multi-colored nutcrackers. There was a big wreath on the outside of the front door, and an even bigger one hung around the family portrait of Abby and her father. The Christmas tree was huge, probably close to six feet tall, and by the smell of the fresh pine emanating from it, you knew it was real. The tree was decorated with gold and silver ornaments, bright lights, tinsel, and a giant star at the top. The fireplace had stockings lined up against the chimney with other statues, trinkets, and family photos lining the shelf. The tree casted a warm glow over the living room, and it just felt so cozy inside. It’s crazy to think that this is what Abby grew up with, that this is the kind of childhood she had, but at the same time you’re happy it was. It’s what she deserves.

It may be Christmas day, but it’s already 9 P.M., so Jerry suggests hot coco, sweets, and a cheesy movie. Abby, of course, agrees and picks out her favorite movie for you all to watch. You helped her pick it out, specifically choosing it because you’ve never seen it before and because you know she loves it. You all get a slice of Jerry’s homemade apple pie, and it’s so warm and gooey you’re sure you’ve never tasted anything like it before. You wonder where in the mix of being a surgeon he found the time to be so good at baking, but it’s still so endearing. You wonder how many times he practiced these recipes for Abby, and it’s so heartwarming. You hope you can one day offer her a home the same way Jerry has.

Jerry settles into his worn-out, leather recliner with his cup of hot chocolate while you and Abby occupy the couch. There’s a glass coffee table in front of it where your two mugs rest as the two of you are snug in a blanket you’re sharing together. You’re nestled into Abby’s side with her arm over your shoulder as you watch the movie together. It’s comfortable, and the warm, yellow lights make the moment that much more beautiful. They cast a glow on Abby, making her look sweeter than she already does. Her hair is down for once, and you’re lost in the tenderness of the moment. Occasionally the two of you move forward and grab your mugs for a sip, but besides that this wholeness has no interruptions. It’s like you can feel your doubts melting away, and you feel comforted, welcomed, by the warmth of this moment. It doesn’t seem to push you away anymore, but rather it’s something you feel compelled to be a part of now. Well, no, that’s not exactly right either. It’s like you are a part of it now, and it’s accepting your embrace rather than your rejection. You don’t feel the need to push it away anymore, to create excuse after excuse as to why you don’t deserve it, and it’s like you’re finally letting it make its home in your heart.

After the movie finished and you all had your fill of hot chocolate, you hear Jerry get up from his seat and mention that he wants to give out stockings. You don’t think much of it, watching the man as he walks up to the fireplace and grabs two of the stockings that were hanging. You hadn’t paid much attention to them earlier, but when he comes up to you and Abby, you realize you should’ve. One has Abby’s name stitched into it with blue and orange thread, and the other has your name threaded into it with your favorite colors. He gives Abby her stocking first, then holds the one with your name on it out towards you. 

“Is that for me?” you asked.

“Sure is,” Abby answered. You glance over at her and she’s practically beaming. She seems so proud of herself.

“Abby helped me make it. She made sure it had your favorite colors and everything,” Jerry explained. You finally take the stocking from his hands, feeling the heft of the weight of whatever was inside.

“I bet she got mad if you suggested a color that wasn’t.” You crack a joke in the face of this moment, because if you think too hard, look at the stocking too long, you might start crying.

“Nearly tore my head off,” Jerry laughed. “But it’s so you know you’re part of the family now.” You nod your head, clenching your jaw as your gaze keeps shifting between the stocking and the floor.

“Thank you,” was all you could manage to say in reply. You’re sure you could burst into tears at any moment, but at the very least they’re happy ones.

ELLIE WILLIAMS

You were never as scared of anything as you were to meet Joel Miller. You had seen him in photos with him and Ellie, and he did not look like he played around. In fact, he looked like he’s never fucked around a day in his life. The man intimidated you, and you had never even met him before.

Ellie’s Uncle Tommy’s birthday was coming up, and you were invited to the family celebration that would include Uncle Tommy, Aunt Maria, Joel, Ellie’s older sister, Sarah, and now you.

You had met Joel in passing with a quick “hello” whenever you visited his and Ellie's house, but you had never formally met him, especially not the rest of the family, either. You had also never met Sarah as she lived in a different city and was older than you and Ellie, but you were excited to. She was a young teen when Ellie had been adopted, and you had heard so many stories from Ellie about what an amazing older sister she was, so that was at least one family member you weren’t scared of. Uncle Tommy and Aunt Maria, though? Maria was intimidating, and Tommy and Joel had both been in the military. Who wouldn’t be afraid?

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Ellie reassured you. You were both standing in front of Tommy and Maria’s front door, nervous as could be. Ellie held your hand in hers as she rubbed her thumb across your skin. “They’ll love you, promise.” Ellie reached up with her free hand and knocked on the door. A second passed in silence between the two of you before the door opened, and you were met face-to-face with Maria. She had short graying hair and a freckled face that reminded you of Ellie’s, and as soon as her eyes landed on the two of you, her lips turned upwards into a wide smile.

“Ellie, is this [Y/N]?” she asked. Ellie smiled shyly as she nodded her head.

“Yes, this is her,” she answered.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Maria said politely. She was just all smiles, and she was much warmer compared to the scary image of her you created in your head. To be fair, she did seem really intimidating from her pictures, but she was nothing of the sort.

“Nice to meet you, too,” you managed to reply. You were still nervous, feeling like you were choking on the anxious butterflies dancing around your stomach.

“And she’s polite,” Maria prodded. She smiled even bigger as she pulled the door open for the two of you. “Anyways, come in. Joel and Tommy are in the back with the grill set up already, so just follow me.” Ellie walked through the doorway, pulling you with her towards the back of the house. Maria led you through the house’s front hallway into the living den furnished with couches and countless photos and decor hanging on the blue walls, then turned left into the kitchen. Sitting at the table was an older woman at least in her 30’s scrolling through her phone, but her eyes perked up as soon as she saw you all enter the kitchen. Almost immediately an excited smile spread across her face.

“Sarah!” Ellie greeted. The woman jumped up from her seat and gave Ellie a tight hug.

“Ellie, is this her?” she asked. Her eyes kept moving back and forth between the two of you.

“Yes, this is her,” Ellie answered.

“Wow, I’m so happy to meet you!” Sarah cheered. She came over to you and gave you a hug, something you hadn’t expected, but you returned it the best you could. As soon as Sarah pulled away from the hug, she was talking again. The way she carried herself was so confident and firm, and she held great amounts of eye contact while speaking—something you were struggling with at the moment. “Ellie has told me so much! She never stops talking about you!” She had a sweet, Texan accent when she spoke like Joel, while Ellie only had a slight one in comparison.

“Sarah!” Ellie groaned.

“What?” she asked coyly. “Was I not supposed to say that?” The answer was yes, and she knew that, but how could she resist teasing her little sister? Ellie just rolled her eyes.

“Come on, y’all, they’re waiting for us outside,” Maria announced. She nodded her head in the direction of the door behind the kitchen table, and you found yourself taking a deep breath. The door was glass, so you could see the wooden porch outside and the green grass, but no sign of Joel or Tommy—you know, just the two men who terrified you the most.

“Oh, yeah, I was gonna help Dad with the grill,” Sarah sighed.

“You? Helping with the grill?” Ellie teased.

“Hmm, more like standing there and talking to him,” she said.

“That sounds more like what you meant,” Ellie responded.

“Yeah, see y’all out there.” Sarah got up from her seat and was the first to open the back door, the hot air and smell of grilled meat wafting in as soon as she did. Maria followed her soon after, and you knew you and Ellie should follow suit, but you found yourself stuck, unsure what to do.

“Hey, you okay?” Ellie asked. The sound of the door closing shut hung in the air, and you knew you’d have to open it again soon.

“Yeah, just… nervous,” you explained.

“Everything will be alright, promise. I’m gonna be here the whole time, and we’re gonna be eating, too. That won’t be too bad, now, will it?” she asked.

“No, I guess not,” you replied.

“And you’ve got me right next to you. Don’t forget that.” Ellie gave you a sheepish smile, and you did your best to return it despite the queasiness in your stomach.

The barbeque went well, and it wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. In fact, you felt well-received by Tommy as Maria and Sarah helped encourage him to hold conversation with you. The two women did a lot to help conversation flow and welcome you as much as possible, but the one person you felt like you weren’t getting through to was Joel. He was just so… quiet. It’s as if he was always on guard, always analyzing the situation, but what did you expect from a guy who used to be in the military? That seems to be the exact kind of disposition he’d have. He only really gave small replies in single words here and there, maybe an autobiographical question for you, then he’d retreat back to his silence. It was honestly unnerving, and as much as you did your best to immerse yourself in the conversation, in Ellie’s little jokes, Tommy’s laughter, Joel intimidated you more than anyone else ever had before. Why was he so quiet? Did he see something wrong with you? Did he not think you were fit to be his daughter’s girlfriend? Was he waiting for you to make a mistake? Was he planning how to tell Ellie that he didn’t think the two of you were a good match? All the possibilities were endless, and every single one terrified you to no end.

Despite the anxiety eating you up from the inside, you did your best to maintain your composure. You answered whatever questions Ellie’s family had for you, laughed at the jokes like you should have, all while trying to keep the crushing fear at bay. Ellie seemed to sense it somewhat, because at multiple points throughout the dinner she’d grab your hand under the table or rub your thigh comfortingly. When the night started slowing down, the sun sinking lower and lower, Tommy and Maria declared the end of the dinner and started clearing the table. Joel and Sarah disappeared into the house, carrying trash and whatever else they could back inside. Ellie leaned in close to your ear in order to speak.

“How are you feeling?” she whispered.

“I’m doing okay,” you answered. “Not as nervous as before, but still a little.”

“Did you enjoy yourself, though?”

“I did,” you replied.

“Joel and Tommy are good at barbecuing, huh?”

You laughed a little at her prodding. “Yeah, they are.”

“Look, we’re gonna get you some extra family points, yeah? Let’s offer to help Maria clean up. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good to me,” you said. This time you were the one to offer Ellie a little smile, one she was happy to see on your face after such a long day.

“Perfect.” She stood up from her chair and brushed off her jeans. “Hey, Maria, let me and [Y/N] help you clean up a bit,” she announced.

“Well, aren’t you sweet?” Maria asked.

“The sweetest,” Ellie joked. You were next to stand up from the table, picking up both your plate and Ellie’s while she gathered the left behind cups. Tommy had already retreated inside with the large dishes of food, leaving you with just Maria and Ellie. It was quiet besides the clanking of the dishes as all three of you walked inside. Ellie walked behind you as you reentered the house, slotting dishes in the sink and discarding whatever trash she had. Ellie came up behind you, her back pressing into yours for a second when Maria disappeared into the living room where everyone else presumably was.

“How far do we wanna take these points?” she whispered.

“Well, what are you thinking?” you asked her.

“I say we wash the dishes,” she suggested, and you could just imagine the stupid, little grin on her face. “It’ll make them like me more, too.”

“You’re such a dork,” you said as the laugh spilled out your lips. You turned around to look at her, and there was a goofy grin on her face just like you expected. Her hands ventured to rest on your waist, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Whatever. Come on, let’s just do it.”

“Okay, you hate doing the dishes, so I’m starting to wonder what this is really about.”

“I… may or may not have promised Maria I’d do the dishes, and she’ll kill me if I don’t.”

“This is why you watch the promises you make,” you said.

“Moving along,” she said in a rushed manner, “are you gonna help me or not?”

“Yeah, because I need you alive.”

You and Ellie slotted yourselves side by side as you were forced to wash the dishes on account of your girlfriend’s promises. She was stuck washing while you dried the dishes. At one point Joel had wandered through the kitchen, muttering a small greeting to you both before disappearing outside. He left the back door open somewhat, but you said nothing, figuring he would be coming back inside soon. Despite the small interruption, Ellie, of course, couldn’t help being a little shit and splashing you with water every once in a while.

“You got my shirt wet!” you’d scold her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she’d say all fakely. She pulled you into a hug, but once you separated, she splashed you with water again. After washing the dishes and Ellie cleaned the kitchen up a bit, you could tell she was tired and ready to go home.

“You look tired,” you commented to her.

“Yeah, I’m… all tuckered out. You ready to go home?”

“If you are, yeah.”

“Okay, let me find my… Where are my keys?” she asked. She patted at her pockets, looking for any sign of them, only to come back empty. “I think I left them outside.”

“I can go get them for you,” you offered.

“Oh, good idea. You get my keys and I say bye to everyone for us. Perfect.”

“Alright, I’ll go find them for you. Be right back.” You gave Ellie a quick kiss on the cheek before wandering outside through the back door. As soon as you stepped outside, your eyes landed on Joel sitting on one of the chairs with a mug in his hand. You had forgotten he was even out here in the first place, and you hadn’t expected or planned for this interaction with him. You took a deep, calming breath. You needed to act normal.

“Hello, Joel,” you spoke up. He turned to look at you, then returned his gaze to his mug. It was dark outside, and the porch light may have been on, but it was a dim, yellow light. Not at all helpful as your eyes scoured the ground for Ellie’s keys.

“Hello.” It was quiet as you wandered to the table, looking across the top of it for Ellie’s keys. Still no sign of them. You pulled the chairs out, and you didn’t find them on the seats either. You sighed as you pulled out your phone and turned on your flashlight. “What are you lookin’ for?” Joel asked.

“Um, Ellie’s keys. She can’t find them.” You squatted down to the floor, shining the light around the wooden porch as you continued your search.

“Oh, you two gettin’ ready to leave?” he asked. You turned your phone to the right, and something silver glinted back at you. The keys. Thank God. You grabbed onto them and got back up from the ground.

“Yeah, she said she was tired and ready to go home.”

Joel let out a small chuckle. “That sounds like her,” he remarked.

“It very much is her,” you replied.

“I heard her splashin’ you with water in there.”

“She can’t help herself,” you said. “She apologized, then she did it again.”

“Does that… make you mad?” he asked.

“No, not at all.” You were wondering what he was getting at with the question.

“You and her seem to get along well,” he pointed out.

“I think so, too,” you said, hoping you were choosing your words well.

“I can tell she really loves you, you know,” Joel said. He took a sip out of his drink, then glanced at you. “And you seem really good for her, too.” The words hit you right in the heart. You knew from what Ellie told you that Joel wasn’t a man of many words, but these were just enough. They seemed to give you the kind of confirmation you were looking for, that maybe you could put down the anxiety plaguing your mind.

“I’m glad you think so,” you said. You glanced at the mug in his hands again. Was that steam? “Can I ask what you’re drinking?”

“It’s coffee.”

“This late?” you asked.

“The girls always tell me that,” he said, and you saw the smallest glimpse of a smile ghosting his lips. You figured by “the girls,” he must have been referring to Sarah and Ellie, and that small detail stuck out to you. Despite how scary he was, deep down inside he was just a dad. A girl-dad, at that.

“Ellie always tells me how much she hates coffee.”

“She never lets that go. I tell her she has underdeveloped tastebuds to make her mad.”

“That’s perfect for getting under her skin,” you replied.

“That’s why I say it. Anyways, she’s probably lookin’ for you by now, or me, maybe.”

“Probably,” you responded. “After I find her, she’ll probably come tell you bye before we leave. I’m gonna do that now.”

“You go do that,” he said. “And you better take good care of her, by the way.” You smiled a little bit. Had you heard him say that earlier, you probably would have shit your pants, but now you were comforted by the dad-threat.

“I will,” you said confidently.

“Or I will… do something. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out.”

“I take your word for it,” you replied. You turned around to walk back inside, keys in hand, a new kind of pep in your step as you looked for Ellie.

[charliesgoodboy]

2170 L. SULI🕷

i wanna be high all the time

would you come with me?

used to stick together

your my best friend,

i love you forever.

song: . . . ılı HIGH ALL THE TIME the neighborhood

TW: reader male leaning(fem welcome), reader is blind, lo'ak gets a little insecure, reader is described as an outcast due to rumors on why he is blind, lo'ak is mad in love, bombing mentions

lo'ak who would find you a long ways pass the shore, on a different island of sand. he only thought him and pakayan knew where this spot was but there you were, your eyes closed as you sat up drawing loops in the sand with your finger. he felt a small ache in his stomach as he'd ask pakayan to move towards you, wanting to speak to you or ask what was the matter with you and why you were all by yourself. your ears would flicker hearing a change in the shore, your finger coming to a stop. "is someone there?" "..yeah," there wouldn't be much of use if you ran, and you didn't even recognize the voice which is what made you back up causing lo'ak to stop moving. were you okay?

lo'ak who would sit beside you, telling you he wasn't anyone who would want to hurt you. hell it took a lot of convincing though, he would understand why you would i mean he wasn't one of the people and he wasn't excepted much in general which is why he was always with pakayan in the first place. "i apologize if i didn't seem welcoming, i couldn't see you." "see me?" "uh-huh, i can't see at all actually." you could tell the realization hit him as you'd hear his breath stop, and an i'm sorry make way into your ears. it wasn't anything new when you'd meet others, though you'd expect him to leave yet he just created new conversation.

lo'ak who would end up laughing due to being ticklish feeling your fingers touch around him. he understood you needed to do this so you would know who he was so he'd let you in. he wanted to speak with you more and if this was a way to do it then he'd let it slide. he wanted to die of embarrassment when your hands got to his. your four handed fingers feeling around his five, he almost pulled away. yet, when you wiggled it around in two of your fingers, his smile was brought back. "what is this? an extra?" "yeah, it's my pinkie." "your huh?" hearing you say how funny the name and the finger was made his heart warm. it was way better than what had been shown to a crowd of people when his family needed a home. "what am i touching?" "pft, my eyebrows." "eye— what?"

lo'ak who would listen to you tell why you were mostly always on your own, explaining that it wasn't because you were blind yourself but it was the reason you were blind. many false words were spread around, the fact you were in an argument with your parents and you were about to kill them so they had to blind you out of self defense, that one was just ridiculous. or the fact you were already at war at a young age, and even that you stabbed your own two eyes yourself to prove something. none of these were true obviously. they were all obnoxious things made out of fear due to others beliefs. "so then what happened?" "a blast, some type of blast. it was very big, very painful. i was far away but i saw it happen. then– then there was this big wave and my eyes were just burning and burning and then i couldn't see anymore." he would feel your hand tighten around his as you told him the rest, saying how you'd scream and kick not knowing it was your mother trying to take you away.

lo'ak who would fall asleep with you forgetting to go home, his arms were around your body so you would know he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. he loved you, and he felt like crying when he'd leave the island only knowing he'd come back again. he was just so used to you already.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

a good omens grieving update because if I'm crying at 5 am you better be too.

Good morning, maggoty loves of mine. Despite all attempts to distract myself and you all with wedding cakes and dresses and textposts, it is five in the fucking morning, and I've been crying for half an hour already.

I'm listening to the Pentatonix cover of Hallelujah on loop and I will never be normal about anything ever again and there is nothing you, I, God, Satan or even Neil can do about it.

@mirrorleaf was kind enough to hijack my stupid royal family post with this fucking gorgeous edit of season 1 set to Hallelujah. Thank you, I'm now fucking sobbing and I found another edit again of season 1 and then I read fics and now I'm NOT FUCKING OKAY.

All the times Aziraphale looks up to Heaven and prays, how hopeful and desperate he is, and then the way he looks at Crowley while he's pinned against the wall, entirely calm and sure and safe.

And the song playing with Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah over Crowley crying over alcohol when he thought Aziraphale had died. I'm not okay.

I need to watch season 1 again. When I watched it first, it was in two installments with you maggots on livestream, and the first installment was like two days after I was kidnapped as Mascot of Good Omens. Needless to say, it was all a fever dream.

Then I watched this edit now and there's so much. There's so much fucking layers and emotion and nuance that I didn't notice. And it's absolutely going to wreck me and then I'll have to rewatch season 2 and by then I'll have no self-preservation and I'll have read the book and I'll never ever be okay again and I'll have to live with it.

You all really just found a guy on the internet and fucking wrecked him, huh. This fandom really just did that. Now salt and pepper shakers made me think about Crowley's Fall and the inherent transience of human nature and The angel you knew is not me.

It hurts. I thought I was ridiculous about Drarry. No I was entirely fucking reasonable about Drarry. This is a gut punch except to the throat. Repeatedly.

I remember when I made a post a day or two after finishing season 2 and someone, @thescholarlystrumpet it was probably you, told me that grief isn't a linear process and to take care. To anyone outside this broken fandom, that would seem like a disproportional response to a show's season 2 finale when we know that it will end happily. Everyone in this fandom knows how much that reminder is needed, though.

Besides, though we know that the show ends happily, we know that Aziraphale and Crowley will be together and it is inevitable, how does it still fucking hurt so much? I knew all the spoilers, technically, of the show before I started, and it still surprised me with the emotions.

I had to stop writing this post for a few minutes because an image came to my mind and I had to sketch it. Of how I'd felt when I came here, lonely and frightened, and how the fandom grabbed me and forced me to watch the show and how much it hurts and how beautiful it is and how it feels like a mirror. A shattered mirror, one that's soaked with all our blood and tears, but it showed me I wasn't alone. So here, have this brief sketch and do NOT come at with about pretentiousness my beloved maggots because for one, I have always aspired to be pretentious and for another, THE SUN HASN'T FUCKING RISEN AND I'VE BEEN IN TEARS WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Congratulations, the next time anyone asks you if you've ever killed anyone, every one of you can confidently say that yes, you are indeed directly responsible for murder. My blood is on your hands, motherfuckers, you adopted a Mascot and then killed him.

[mizu-nights]

HIIII

Your finally open again 🫶🫶🫶

Can i request a tsukasa, rui and nene x reader (separate) and the plot is something like the song “something stupid” more specifically the verse “ the time is right your perfume fills my head the stars are read and oh the nights so blue, and then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you “

Thank you xxxx I’ve missed youuu

♬ now playing: "i love you..."

-> saying you love them so suddenly, so unexpectedly... are you trying to give them a heart attack?

★ — chars ; tsukasa , rui , nene

★ — notes ; HELLO H :333 finally writing this. VERY SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!!! lowkey got rlly excited to write this then BAAM. SCHOOL WORK EVERYWHERE.!!!! also listen to the song on loop as i was writing (michael buble's cover ft reese witherspoon bc i LOVE michael buble's voice) and it got me in the mood!!! I HOPE U LIKE READING THIS AS MUCH AS I LOVED WRITING IT!!!

★ — warnings ; open endings for all of them (nothing rlly insane lol) , otherwise none!

★ — taglist ; @asherenjoysart , @nogenderbee , @akitosheart , @nenes-numberonefan , @mintchocaur

affiliated with @virtualbookstore ★

★ track one: tenma tsukasa

the day before, tsukasa had invited you to go with this festival with him. there'd be lights, games, prizes... just about any other regular festival.

and yet, here you are with him. people around you are chattering, 'you won!' sound effects can be heard blaring around the entire area.

... surely, if you dropped the 'L' word, he wouldn't hear it.

"...i love you, tsukasa."

a soft yet sad smile can be seen on your expression. you really just said that for no reason, didn't you? how silly.

well, that was what you thought until tsukasa turned back at you, with this bright red blush on his face. yep, definitely heard you.

"...you do?"

this might be the most quiet you've heard from the boy. you were surprised he could even say something like that in such a meek voice.

it's all up to you now. do you want to admit it, change your friendship with him, or would you rather deny it and go back to square one?

★ track two: kamishiro rui

like every other day, you go hang out with rui as he's working on robots for a future show. as always, he appreciates your company. you're a good friend to him, and you also don't touch his works in progress without letting him know.

... also, you tend to ask him questions as he works. not too many to distract him, of course. he finds that rather cute, whether you believe it or not.

he also finds you keeping him company endearing, making sure he doesn't feel lonely... and it seems like you have similar feelings.

"i love you."

is what you thought you thought to yourself, but when rui looked back at you with a startled look on your face, you suddenly realize that you, in fact, said it out loud.

"i meant- i meant your inventions! your work... it's really impressive, rui."

great save there. he totally believed that. especially with how much you stammered.

"oh, that's disappointing. i was about to say the same back to you."

rui had that signature smirk of his, though this one... you could easily tell he lacks the regular cool, level-headedness it usually has.

whatever his intention was, it ended up making you blush in the process. this guy is really going to be the death of you, isn't he?

★ track three: kusanagi nene

you really can't shut your mouth, can you? the original plan was to simply help nene memorize her lines, making sure everything sounded smooth.

yet now you found yourself gazing at her adoringly. one thing led to another, and you just had to tell her that-

"i love you."

it was as if time stopped. you cover your mouth with your hand, gasping with surprise. nene wasn't any different—she was in total disbelief. and if that wide-eyed look on her face told you anything...

"...it's the next character's lines. i'm just... trying to help, yeah?"

the awkward smile on your face didn't make your words any more believable. not to mention, nene has already scanned over the script, she already knows what the actual line is!

"...i love you too."

... that wasn't nene's line. mostly because that wasn't even the other line to begin with, but when nene said that...? oddly suspicious, in the best way possible.

when you finally have the courage to gaze at her once more, you can even catch a glimpse of her subtle yet gentle smile.

"that's my line, after yours."

in a way, she wasn't wrong.

[imaginesbymonika]

The golden rule

Joseph Quinn x Reader

Plot: She always disappears in the morning and Joe has no idea what to do about it.

Warnings: angsty in the beginning but then soft !!!

Song to listen to while reading:

She had one rule and it was more than straightforward. Y/N grew up surrounded by actors and actresses, people who have dominated Hollywood for decades.

"What's the golden rule, sweetheart?"

"Don't fall in love with your co-stars."', Y/N replied, and her mother smiled at her, "Exactly, it will never end well.”

And for the last ten years, she didn't break it. Not once.

But right now, with Joe’s lips directly on her neck- she couldn't think straight, let alone follow any rules. Her back was pushed against the cold door while his hand searched for the zipper of her beautiful white satin dress. They both know that she will be gone before he wakes up in the morning and he won't discuss it with her on set. He will maintain his distance- until the following episode wrap-up party takes place.

"'Are you busy right now?", a shy voice asks, and Millie, who is laying on the couch in her trailer perks up from behind the book that she’s holding in her hands. She tilts her head as she looks at him.

"What's wrong?" ,The brunette girl licks her lips and Joe begins to anxiously scratch the back of his neck: "Am I really that obvious?"

"Well, you do have those great emotional eyes.", Millie answers and Joseph chuckles softly before he walks up to his friend. For a moment they both stay silent. Millie can see how her friend is desperately searching for the right wording.

"You told me that you know- Y/N, for quite some time now, right?", he begins and swallows thickly. Millie nods:" It’s been five years, yeah. Why do you ask?"

Joe doesn't respond. Instead he runs a hand through his hair and leans back.

Her skin smelled like peaches and her hair did too. He shut his eyes as he kissed her skin dark blue.

"You two hooked up!?", Millie’s eyes widen in shock:" Are you serious? Wait what?! Was that like a one-time thing?" But he shakes his head:" How many episodes of this season did we film yet?"

"Seven." "Well, there you go."

Joe, who is walking in loops sighs and shakes his head:" I really don't get it. Why? Why is she always leaving before I get the chance to talk to her about us."

Millie looks at the ground for a few minutes, before she begins to rub the bridge of her nose:" Oh no."

“What is it?"

"It’s ‘The golden rule’ .", she says quietly and Joe crosses his arms in front of his chest as his eyebrows furrow.

"Excuse me it’s what?"

"Her mother always warned her "no matter what you do, don't ever fall in love with your co-stars.", Millie mimics her voice and Joe swallows thickly. "She probably keeps her distance to you, because she doesn't want to fall in love with you. If she hasn't already, of course."

———

Y/N who is walking towards her car yawns, this is the third time in a row that she had filmed way past midnight. She stops walking to dig through her bag for her keys.

"Don't fall in love with your co-stars, huh.", a voice unexpectedly asks and when Y/N quickly turns around she spots Joseph. The actor slowly walks towards her, frustration is flashing up in his eyes.

"Joe. You really scared me, I-. Did you say "golden rule' ? How do you-"

"Millie."

The young woman nods in realisation:" Of course. Millie. Listen, can we discuss this maybe-?

"Tomorrow? Yeah, right.”, Joe finishes her sentence and scoffs, his voice was much more shakier than before. He pauses and looks at her for a while before he sighs in frustration and shakes his head:"There is never a tomorrow with you. You always- leave." Y/N stares at him while she begins to bite the nail of her thumb. Then she takes one deep breath:" Okay. Okay. You're right. Let's go. Let's talk about this."

Both of them walk over to Y/N's trailer in silence.

Y/N unlocks the door and takes a step to the side to let Joseph in first. She walks over to the kitchen area and turns the coffee machine on: "You want some? I feel like this is going to be a long night." He only nods.

"I am sorry, by the way.", Y/N mumbles after a moment, still staring at the silver coffee machine in front of her. Her finger hovers above the buttons:" I'm not really good at this. I just hate not being able to control my feelings and thoughts- so l guess, maintaining that one rule gave me some false sense of stability. I'm just so scared."

“Of what?”

"Of actually falling in love, Joseph. What if we don't work out?". He furrows his eyebrows. "We would still have to work with each other. We would still have to see each other. On set and on red carpets." She turns around to face him. The brown haired actor stands up from the couch and walks over to her, without saying anything he pulls her into a tight hug. Y/N wraps her arms around his torso and takes a deep breath. Inhaling his scent:"l just don’t want to lose you as a friend."

He sighs, as his heart breaks in his chest:" I get that."

“I like you, Joseph." Y/N whispers after a few seconds: “I really do."

———

A soft moans escapes his lips. The tequila of last night makes his insides turn as soon as he moves just an inch. He slowly rolls over and his stomach drops when he discovers that the bed is once again empty. The brown-haired man slowly gets up and silently puts on his shirt and pants, before he reaches for his phone. He knew this would happen, even if parts of him hoped it wouldn't.

He opens the door and his eyes widen.

"Wait. You're leaving?", Y/N asks while holding coffee and a bag of bagels in her hands:" I thought, that was my thing."

[aprilthearcher]

burning red [roman roy x reader]

word count: 1.8k

[somewhat angst]

warnings: curse words, ooc roman ?, english is not my first language, not edited, rushed ending.

a/n: somewhat inspired by “red” and “false god” by taylor, idk i was just listening to these two songs on loop. i’m also supposed to be studying, but instead i wrote this, so enjoy! love me some greg sprinkles, couldn’t not include him. alsooo, this could read as being part of the same story as my previous roman blurb, but you won't have any problems if you haven't read it.

Loving Roman was complicated yet insanely easy, too tiresome at times and then incredibly invigorating. He had that effect on people, or maybe just her. Everyone else was probably too complicated for her to like. Not funny enough, not witty or smart enough, not loud enough. No one was Roman enough, not even across the whole damn world. 

Getting him off her mind had been more difficult than she’d expected, probably because (Y/N) only realised her feelings for him after she couldn’t stop thinking about him. He had taken over her whole body without knowing. It was Roman’s lips she imagined when kissing blonde, ginger, brunette guys at pubs; it were Roman’s eyes she thought of when her friends would ask her about her favourite colour; it was Roman’s face she conjured up in her head when they’d ask about her type of man. 

At first, she believed it to be some sort of sick joke the Universe was trying to play on her: discovering she had feelings for her long-time friend — one she’d known since they were in diapers, who would grab her by her ponytail whenever she was paying attention to his siblings instead of him (just him) —, barely two or three weeks in her first year of university, a university that was on a whole other continent, separated by an entire ocean. Still, (Y/N) knew she could fly back home in a couple of hours — “I’ll arrange a jet for you if you wanna come down”, her dad would always say over the phone —, but the idea of seeing him again with this new information in her head and heart (that couldn’t help but jump at the mention of him) terrified her.

Her mind would make her remember him and his antics in the worst possible times: while dancing with some random guy at a club, his hands on her hips, the cheap cologne contrasting the rich scented one Roman couldn’t get enough of. On a first date, set up by her friends who believed she had to let go of this “prude” behaviour and just let someone take her to their bed. When joking with the guys that approached her and her friends at the bar, knowing exactly what Roman would think of them, the cruel comments he’d throw, the silly faces. The soft eyes when they were both too drunk to even speak a coherent sentence, although most times nothing was coherent with Roman. She had tried looking for those same bright eyes; once more, she ended up disappointed. None of them were Roman. None of them ever will be, no matter how much (Y/N) tried to shape them into a replica of him. All of Roman was unique. 

Hence, the dreadful turmoil inside her stomach once Shiv, with some tint of malice in her eyes directed at Roman, introduced her to Tabitha. “Roman’s companion”, she’d said. The blonde, curly haired woman greeted (Y/N) with an eager smile on her face. She said her name at the same time both of them shook hands. A voice inside her head told her this was all wrong. How long? Where did it happen? Why? Why? Why now that she was back?

“Oh, you don’t need to tell me your name,” Tabitha mentioned playfully, a short roll of her eyes a second later. “You’re all Roman’s been talking about lately”.

“Only lately?” Shiv laughed, taking a sip from her glass she focused her eyes on Roman , then (Y/N). “Roman’s always talking about (Y/N). I mean, he was practically her lap dog when they were children.”

“Oh, fuck off Siobhan,” Roman bark back.

“Well, he only mentioned you as of now.” The knot in her stomach tightened. The worst part was she could see Tabitha hadn’t said it out of spite, nor jealousy, but as a fleeting comment to add something more to the conversation.

He hadn’t mentioned her to Tabitha? Not even once? She had tried everything to block him out of her head, to keep him out of her dreams and fantasies; to catch herself every time she was going to bring up him in a conversation again, and he didn’t say her name until he found out (Y/N) was coming back to New York? What kind of sick fuck was he? What kind of sick fuck was she, devoting probably her whole life to Roman fucking Roy?

“Oh,” (Y/N) managed to croak out before her father appeared beside her and whispered in her ear that she should spend some time chatting with the other guests.

                                                       * * *

Cousin Greg was great company, quite weird before you took in the awkwardness that seemed to surround him and make him stick out like a sore thumb in the midst of all these old, rich people, but great nonetheless. He had asked her about her years in London, what she studied and what she did for fun, her friends and hobbies. (Y/N) found herself enjoying the night, sitting on a couch by his side, meanwhile both of their cheeks were getting rosier and rosier with every new cup of alcohol brought to them. Greg was in the middle of telling her about how he had screwed up the first day at his job on one of the parks owned by Waystar, cracking up from time to time from how she tried to hide her laugh in order to keep the attention away from them, when two hands settled on his shoulders, hard and making a noise that was apparent that the gesture was meant to at least hurt him a little. Roman was behind him with a clench jaw and big, maniac eyes. 

“Greeeg, I think Tom was looking for you, man”.

“Oh, really?” Greg turned his upper body in Roman’s direction, which from the side looked somewhat weird because of his tall, lanky form. “Because, because I just saw him and he didn’t say anything”.

“Yes, oh really, man. And he said if you didn’t go talk to him right now, he would fire your sorry ass”.

Greg was on his feet quicker than she'd expected after seeing him drown glass after glass with her. He towered over her for a moment, saying a quick “see you later” before going in search of Tom. 

“You’re mean, Roman”.

“Yeah, well, tell me something I don’t fucking know”. 

They fell silent for a second. Around them, people were still in mindless conversation, setting down empty cups on the waiter’s tray while picking up new ones from another one. Alcohol seemed to be the only way to survive a family gathering at the Roy’s, even a harmless one. 

“You wanna get out of here?” Roman asked. She turned her head to the right to face him, he was already looking at her. His eyes no longer had the maniac fog blurring them, there was now a tranquil pool of honey.

                                                    ***

“My dad is probably gonna be mad if he finds out I ditched the party”.

“Please, (Y/N), since when did you become such a goody two shoes?” Roman leaned against the railing of the terrace, following her with his eyes while she approached him and finally set her elbows on top of the banister. From this position, he looked taller. “Don’t tell me you were like this in London. I mean, with no one to hover over you, you sure had a looot to do, didn’t you?”

“I went to London to study, remember? Not to go out and get drunk every night.”

“Well, I’m sure if you had been with me, you could’ve done both.”

“Yeah, probably, but you weren’t with me.”

“Whose fault is that, huh?” He crossed his arms over his chest. Her eyebrows raised.

“Are you saying it was my fault? We haven’t seen each other for how long and it was all my fault?”

“Why are you acting like it isn’t? It literally is, (Y/N), you left m.. you left and, and you never came back.” He had walked a few steps away from her. 

“It’s not like you couldn’t have visited, Roman. Just ask daddy for one of his jets, it’s literally that easy.”

“Yes, but - but you left, (Y/N). You left, and it’s not like you chose some university a state away, you chose one a whole continent away! That’s got to mean something!”

“As if Roman fucking Roy couldn’t get one goddamn plane and fly over to London!” She had abandoned her previous position, now fully facing Roman, who was still a couple of feet away, getting closer to the door. He was trying to run, just like it he always did whenever they fought.

“I didn’t - I didn’t want you to get annoyed by me! To realise what a true moron I was. Then you barely talked to me after you arrived at your fancy university and - and started your very difficult subjects.”

(Y/N) closed her eyes in confusion for a moment. Though it was easier to throw everything at him, (Y/N) knew that she was also responsible for their lack of communication over these last years. 

Only the bustling, almost never-ending nightlife of New York could be heard. Her chest hurted, her eyes would fill with tears at any point now. She was tired and drunk, and just fucking missed Roman too much for them to be fighting the first night she was back in the city.

“Now you are not saying anything?” Roman broke the silence. He was closer to the door, she noticed. “You know what? Fuck you, (Y/N). Fuck you for making feel all this – all this fucking, fucking shit!”

“What fucking shit?” She asked quietly, desperate for an answer, the answer.

“I - I don’t know what fucking shit, just shit, okay?”

“Say it.”

Roman didn’t respond, instead he turned her back on her, walking towards the door. Before he could reach the handle, she screamed at him.

“Fucking say it, Roman.”

“I’ve just told you, I don’t know. It’s just shit, okay? All of it,” he screamed back, opening up his arms, exaggerating his point. “I - I run out of breath and then my chest is all funny, and and I hate seeing you laughing with fucking Greg of all people. It’s shit, fucking shit!”

Drawing closer to him, she tested his limits. He was breathing hard from all the screaming and moving around the terrace to put distance between them, but he didn’t stop when (Y/N) got so close their bodies were almost touching. It was her with whom physical closeness wasn’t a problem, he always told himself it was because of how close they were pretty much their whole lives.

They only looked at each other for a few moments, the waves of conflict had calmed down fast and efficiently enough that for anyone else it would seem like nothing had happened between them. 

Roman wished — deep, deep down — that they could stay like this forever, without having to go back and confront his family, especially his father; that they could make this terrace, above Logan’s place ironically enough, a little haven, only for them; that they would never be found.