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nickmaghighlights · 1 year

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Nick Mag Highlights - #20 April 1996

Greetings and various apropos felicitations. Once again it’s time for another issue of Nick Mag Highlights! Today we’ll be heading back to the 90’s and taking a trip through issue #20. Ready to see if this “Mega Movie Issue'' is really as mega as it says? Then let’s get on with the show!

Man, that cover is a blast from the past for me, and it might just be the same for some of you. I haven't seen the film adaptation of James and The Giant Peach ever since I was a kid. I forget how I even first experienced it, since I couldn’t have seen it in theaters and I never owned a physical copy. I think a babysitter put it on for me once.

Whatever the case, despite the time it's been I can still envision a smattering of visuals and emotions from the experience. So it must’ve been good if it’s managed to still stick with me positively all these years later. I guess a grade-a art style and memorable visuals will do that for a film. So as shallow as these behind-the-scenes “previews” tend to be when it comes to Nick Magazine, I’m still excited to go down memory lane and hopefully gleam one or two cool bits of trivia.

Beyond my nostalgia bias though I’ve gotta say I’m surprised by the lack of promises this cover is making. A preview of James and The Giant Peach and a “Special Flip Book” is all you’ve got to wow the proverbial audience here, Nick? Even issue #1 promised more content on its cover to grab your attention if Ren & Stimpy weren’t enough for you. Let’s hope 20 issues in they weren’t starting to struggle for content.

You can read along too, if that’s what you wanna do. The issue’s right here.

Alright, go ahead and roll your eyes, but I’ve got a thing or two to say about this Cheetos ad. Or rather, “Chee●tos”, as it's called here and would be titled as such until Frito-Lays dropped the hyphen from the name in 1998. Not the worst name change, if I’m being honest.

First off, let’s just bask in the moment for a second. This is a wacky snack from the 90’s, even a “spinoff snack”, if you will, of a still very popular snack brand… that hasn’t been brought back to capitalize on nostalgia!

Yes, Cheesy Checkers have yet to return to shelves since their discontinuation in ‘98. Suffice to say, I’m stunned. In a world where Ecto-Cooler returned from the grave, Trix Yogurt is still readily available, Boo Berry, Count Chocula and all those other monster-themed cereals manifest themselves every Halloween, and the McRib seems to come back whenever the heck it feels like, Cheetos Cheesy Checkers of all things is barred from re-entry into the mainstream to take advantage of your sorely missed childhood.

Guess they really just weren’t popular enough? You can’t capitalize on nostalgia if there’s no nostalgia to capitalize on, after all. And yet it seems like a foolproof idea for a snack if you ask me. Waffles and waffle fries have already proven that checkerboard patterns are naturally delicious. And on top of that it even had a rad commercial featuring an awesome Chester Cheetah puppet. What’s not to like? I guess 33% more cheese is crossing the line of “Dangerously Cheesy” into something more like… “Hazardously Cheesy”.

Oh, and by the way. I may have never had a bag of Cheesy Checkers, but I sincerely doubt the snack pieces were that big. You really want me to believe one checker is nearly 1/3rd the size of this magazine page? They don’t even look that big in the commercial.

Just like the cover said, this is indeed a movie-themed issue. And I’ve got good news regarding this: I actually know about movies! Well, I like movies, anyway. Okay, I know more about movies than I do about music, which should mean my dissection of the content at hand will be a little more thoughtful than my retrospective of the music-based issue from last time. Hopefully, anyway.

Can’t help but feel these jokes are trying a little too hard. I guess when you’ve got to come up with twenty and base them all off of movies and TV shows, it can’t be easy. It probably doesn’t help either that there’s only like, three or four good puns in the whole world to begin with.

Anyway, look. Bugs Bunny in Nickelodeon Magazine. Woah.

Well, it’s a little less surprising for those, ahem, in the know.

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Nickelodeon actually aired Looney Tunes shorts for more than ten years, from 1988 to 1999. Once Warner Bros. established their new kids’ entertainment channel, Cartoon Network, they were pretty quick to take back their old school cartoons to bolster their numbers a bit. Although even following the departure of the classic Looney Tunes, Nickelodeon would go on to license other Warner Bros. content for their channel in the following years, airing shows such as Animaniacs and Tiny Toon Adventures in the early 2000s.

Oh, how convenient! Now I can prove my film expertise by trouncing this quiz and-

Hey! Some kid already answered two of the questions. Well now there’s no point in doing the quiz now. Its sanctity has been compromised.

But yeah, this book’s been written in just a bit. Sorry if that bothers you, but it’s not like I can clean the pages off. I do kinda wish the scan was totally clean just for the sake of archival purposes, but as long as the marks stay minor I’m not too picky. If anything I guess it helps make things a little more interesting. Kinda adds to the whole “time capsule” aspect of it, doesn’t it?

Shouldn’t be an issue so long as it’s not-

Ah, criminy! The kid got me again! Now this is stepping over the line. Answering a quiz question or two is one thing, but completely solving the hidden pictures puzzle promoting the home video release of Babe? That sours my mood. I don’t even feel like watching Babe now.

This a neat activity: a screenplay for two kids to act out and potentially film like a home movie. It actually caught me off guard with its originality, and in hindsight it seems like a no-brainer. Kids love to play pretend after all, and I know I certainly loved shooting little movies with my family’s cheap digital camera. Well, here kids, we came up with the story for you. Go nuts. Not to mention it's a good excuse to whip up a plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Here’s a nifty fun fact for you: The writer of this screenplay activity, David Lewman, has basically been on Nickelodeon’s speed dial since the 90’s. He��s written tons of Nickelodeon tie-in books, spanning a bunch of different franchises including SpongeBob SquarePants, Jimmy Neutron, Rugrats, among many others. If you’ve read a SpongeBob book before, I say look him up. There’s a good chance you were reading something of his.

Kind of nice of them to make a whole game out of their adspace, eh? I mean, I’m guessing the amount of people who played isn’t particularly high, but… uh… The art is cool!

Speaking of the art, you never see these mascots in 2D anymore. Which I find unfortunate because I think they look a lot cuter and tolerable here.

Also wow, you can see the orange and brown candies before their designs were finalized. Or before their transitions, either or. Very proud of them regardless!

Pretty awesome article here about some of the gimmicks that filmmakers tried out during the black-and-white days of cinema. Love a bit of history alongside my Nickelodeon.

While we’re here, I’d like to contribute my own similar black-and-white movie gimmick factoid that I find amusing:

In 1961, a film called Mr. Sardonicus featured a gimmick called the “Punishment Poll”, where each audience member was given a card to decide the fate of the titular villain, Mr. Sardonicus, by either showing the side of their card with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on it right before the end of the film. Once the total was tallied, the theater was supposed to show the ending with the most votes.

The funny part is that the movie only has one ending. The gimmick was just a total lie and the only ending filmed was the one with the negative outcome for Mr. Sardonicus, so I guess the director was pretty confident that potential audiences would mostly be comprised of sadists that want to see a bad guy get his comeuppance.

Speaking of the director, Mr. Sardonicus just so happened to be directed by a mister William Castle, who also directed four out of the six films listed in the magazine article here. Guess those gimmicks really were good for profits.

Imagine watching a whole movie while sitting in a pool. Now stop imagining! I don’t like that very much. Your eyelids would prune shut before you could even see the ending.

Man, all these movie gimmicks and funky types of theaters is making me wish I was around when movies were more of an event. Y’know? The movie theater experience has pretty much been ironed out at this point, so the idea of watching the big screen outside or with the looming possibility of a big plastic skeleton popping out and waving around is particularly alluring. Take note, modern movie theaters, this may be your way of competing with streaming!

What? No, it doesn’t bother me at all that whoever owned this magazine already filled out this Sanrio quiz advertisement. Why would I be ENRAGED and UPSET about that!?!? IT'S NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL!!

… Anyway this ad is weird. I guess they didn't know how to market Sanrio in the west yet*. Cause I'm not exactly the most familiar but I'm pretty confident blaring red and yellow colors and funky multicolor Wow! text isn't exactly befitting of the Sanrio spirit. Also there's not really any point to the quiz. It's not like you can mail in your answers and get a free Hello Kitty lunchbox or something. I guess they just figured that kids love quizzes and will always jump at the opportunity to do them, circling the correct responses in permanent pen ink, and causing them to not consider the possibility that someoNE MIGHT WANT TO READ THE MAGAZINE AD AFTER THEM AND WOULD WANT IT MAINTAINED IN PEAK CLEANLINESS FOR THE SAKE OF THE SANCTITY OF THEIR ONLINE BLOG i must calm myself.

*Which is weird to me, because Hello Kitty feels like one of those characters who’s always been popular. Like Mickey Mouse or Steven Spielburg.

Don’t mind me, just gonna insert this contest page here so that if I ever do the issue that contains the actual responses, I can link back to here and go full circle. Pretty excited to someday see the responses! I wonder what they could be. I also wonder why you had to include a phone number with your response. Maybe Tommy Pickles congratulated you on the phone?

Okay, so I think this issue might be missing pages. I can’t prove that exactly, considering I don’t have the real thing sitting in front of me, but the way this ad has text that’s oddly cut off on the right side leads me to believe this was a two page spread originally. Maybe not, maybe the magazine was really like this and it's a printing error, maybe they spilled juice on the design document for page two and couldn’t fix it in time for publishing.

Whatever the case, I really wish I had that Aaahh!!! Real Monsters hat.

A rather understated cover for this edition of The Comic Book, and I can appreciate it. Simple and effective bit of zaniness with a spin on the old “fake-can-with-a-scary-thing-that-pops-out-when-you-open-it” gag. This comes to us from award-winning illustrator Jim Woodring, who’s got probably one of the nicest websites of any artist I’ve mentioned on this blog so far, so kudos. I took a look through his gallery, and it’s a lovely trip, so go take a look if you want some eye candy.

Been a while since we’ve last seen the Southern Fried Fugitives on this blog, one of Nick Magazine’s earliest recurring comic series. Unfortunately they’re not exactly in top form here, I’d say, even as someone who’s not the biggest fan of the comic to begin with. This is essentially a bit of filler so they could make their deadline and finish up the next “all new real adventure” that this episode tells you of at the end. I mean, I get it, this comic usually spanned a full three or four pages, I’m sure they took quite a bit of time. I just don’t really appreciate being shown a gross naked stitched up chicken.

A great hidden picture puzzle here, I could see kids having a lot of fun with this one and just looking through all the art. I guess my only issue would be that none of the answers are exactly hidden, since almost every figure in the page is related to one of the film titles below. But that’s a small nitpick considering that for just one activity of a much larger publication, it’s still pretty entertaining and eye-catching.

And here we’ve got ourselves what the powers at be call Smudgy and Scribbly. A comic about two inventive robots that I thought were supposed to be pencil erasers at first considering their names. I’m not sure if these abstract little guys ever had more than one or a couple of comics, but I know they didn’t stick around forever, since this is the first time I’m hearing of them. They’re cute! They’re fun! They don’t have a lot of personality per se, but that’s okay, because they eat fruit cocktails. And that’s a lesson for the kids.

I’ve been really impressed with this issue so far! They’ve really been making the most of the movie theme, what with aforementioned stuff like the quality movie gimmick article and the nice hidden picture puzzle. And to top it all off now we’ve even got an interview with Siskel & Ebert, two of the most famous film critics of all time. I’m not even sure how many kids at the time would appreciate this sort of thing, but whoever did must’ve been pretty happy. Said interview was conducted about three years before Siskel’s incredibly unfortunate passing, and three years after being parodied in an episode of Doug.

Anyway, yeah the interview questions are really silly, but that’s pretty par for the course by now. I just think it’s just cool they’re even in an issue of Nickelodeon Magazine at all.

Talking about the calendar included with each issue has become a bit of a tradition for this blog by now, hasn’t it? Although I’m sure I probably forgot to mention it one time. Overall this one’s not bad, it’s chock-full of facts and the little set-up & punchline at the Charlie Chaplin section is a ‘lil funny. And I think it’s sort of themed around artisans, maybe? Well worth being pinned on your bedroom door if you ask me, the only problem is that you’d also be ripping out a page of the Siskel & Ebert interview that’s printed on the back of this. At least the kid who wrote all over the magazine showed some restraint there.

Oh come on… I spoke too soon about showing restraint. The kid ripped out the flip book! What a trick… now I’ll never know what it looks like. At least we have the instructions here, which also could be doubly used for instructions on how to make your own flipbook by following the format, which is cool. Sorry for anyone who clicked on this post because you wanted to see the flipbook specifically. Sorry to you.

Moving past a five page article about the history of movies and movie effects (which is solid but doesn’t have much for me to say about), we now come across the cover story: James and the Giant Peach. And this is an alright interview, but it’s especially good for Nickelodeon Magazine! The questions for the film’s director, Henry Selick (director of The Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline, among others), actually allow for some pretty nice informative detail regarding the process of stop-motion animation and how aspects of it work. For an interview intended for kids, this is great, especially for ones with an interest in the medium.

Interviews, interviews, and more interviews! If you’ve ever wanted to learn all that you could ever want to know Kenan & Kel, these are the pages for you. It’s nice to hear that apparently these guys were good friends off set, I guess. But y’know it’s never really bothered me finding out that seemingly inseparable co-stars actually aren’t best friends in real life like it does for a lot of people, I can still watch MythBusters perfectly fine even if I know Adam and Jamie aren’t going to go get drinks together after they finish dropping a car off a mountain for science. Acting’s still a job and I’m not expecting people to become friends just because they both stand in front of the same camera.

But hey, if K&K really were as good of friends as this magazine says, that’s really cool for them. Pretty lucky too, since this was just mere months away from the premiere of their own All That spinoff show, Kenan & Kel, which ran for four years, and less than a year before the premiere of their own movie, Good Burger*, so being friendly must’ve helped when they were spending that much time together. Not to mention they’re getting back together for Good Burger 2, so I guess when your legacies are so intrinsically tied together, I guess you’re bound to find some things to like about each other.

*One of my favorite comedies by the way, and no I’m not sorry. There’s very few films that match its vibes.

Feels like I should mention the 9th annual Kids’ Choice Awards was just around the corner, which featured such notable moments like Jim Carrey taking home two awards for Ace Ventura and his performance in Batman Forever, alongside Free Willy winning “Favorite Animal Star” for his(?) performance (?) in Free Willy 2: Willy Goes to Chile*. That category in particular got pretty heated, considering he was up against fierce competition in the form of Babe from… Babe. “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio won best song. Although Brandy would beat out both Coolio and Michael Jackson for winner of “Favorite Singer”, so it wasn’t exactly a Coolio sweep, per se.

But of course, the real big winner of that night was Tim Allen, for winning “Favorite TV Actor” and being enacted into the Nickelodeon Hall of Fame (yes, for real). All while Home Improvement won ”Favorite TV Show”, which I find is an outright snubbing of the also nominated Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Again, just my opinion.

*(Okay, it was actually called Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home, but I like my idea more).

Before we go, I’d just like to draw attention to this winner of a parade float idea contest held in a previous issue, finally presented in all its glory here. No offense to the kid who designed it but I can only imagine the type of child nightmares that could spawn from a giant Elvis making its way down the street, pulled along by his Elvis impersonating minions. Just a thought.

This was a really good issue, I’m actually pretty shocked with how much of it I found interesting and entertaining, even now as an adult. They really put their all into this one and I think the movie theme really paid off.

Some parts I didn’t get to were the aforementioned article on the history of film and film effects, which isn’t a bad read, especially if you’re into the good old days of practical effects.

There was an interview with at-the-time child star Michelle Trachtenberg, to promote the upcoming release of the Nickelodeon film Harriet the Spy, which featured her in the starring role. I partly didn’t talk about it because I didn’t think there was much to say, and partly out of spite because that movie was pretty bad. Also because I’m running out of available image slots on this post. But mainly the first two reasons! Sort of.

Oh, yeah, and that alien mongrel QZ made another appearance, answering kids’ questions and just looking gross as usual. Avoid page 52 at all costs!

So yeah, that’ll do it! I’m glad I got to tackle another 90’s issue. I’ve also been thinking about branching out a bit, maybe talking about other Nickelodeon books, or heck, maybe even doing retrospectives of some of their shows! If anybody’s interested or has any requests (Nickelodeon Magazine related or otherwise), feel free to let me know. Otherwise I’ll just keep using my little spinner board that I use to make all decisions related to this blog.

Until next time, have a good one, and keep on reading!

#nmh post #90s #1996 #nickelodeon #magazine

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wittykitty21 · 3 years

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Falling Together

//Shanexfarmer HarveyxFarmer Sebastianxfarmer??

TW !! Talk of self harm, suicide, drinking, abuse, death!!

Chapter Two; Warm and Cold Welcomes

As I walked into the Stardrop Saloon, Emily immediately ran over and hugged me.

“You’re here!! You’re really back! I knew it was you the second I felt your energy hit the earth here.” She beamed. I hugged her back, I felt so accepted and warm here. She began introducing me to everyone, including a hot lean alternative guy with black swooped over hair, grey eyes and dressed all up in black along with a girl with purple hair and dressed in a black shirt with a frog printed on it. I assumed he was Robin’s son she had previously told me about.

“Heyyyyy Guns n Roses, nice taste. I’m Sebastian and this is Abigail. Abigail smiled and waved a little shyly at me. Sebastian continued,“ Sure mom’s told you about me. What’s your name?” he looked flirtatious towards me, but before I could tell him, a flash of blonde hair ran over to me and i was immediately lifted at least two feet off the ground into a hug.

“EVIEEEEE!!!!! I can’t believe its you!! We have so much catching up to do since we last made mud pies together. ” He smiled and put me back down. Me being slightly startled from his energetic golden retriever personality. Sebastian was laughing at the startled expression I had.

“Awww Sam, missed me pushing you over and you crying when I beat you in video games? “ I smirked.

“You know it! I’ve gotten pretty good over the years, you owe me unlimited rematches. And - Hey, I don’t think you’ll be able to push me over anymore, short stack. “ Sam was around 6′0 ft, and I had stayed at a measly 5′3 and a HALF since I was 13. I was happy Sam was the same overly optimistic ray of sunshine he had been since a kid.

“Jeezzzz Sam give her some breathing room. Sorry about him, he’s always like this” Abigail chuckled.

Sebastian slid back into the conversation, “So, Evie, is that your real name or is that your nickname?”

“Oh, yeah. I just go by Evie. My full name is Evangeline Eliza Jones-Destriu. I hate how long my name is.... and the fact my parents chose to hyphenate my last name.” I smiled weakly.

“Well a cute name to match a super cute girl with awesome fashion sense! “, exclaimed Abigail. “You have to show me where you get your clothes from.”

“As long as you show me where you got that frog shirt from, frogs are like one of my favorite animals.” I said excitedly.

After playing a little bit of pool with my new friend group, everyone else from the town started pouring in. I went up to Marnie, who was talking to Lewis. As I approached she immediately recognized me and hugged me.

“Evangeline!!!! Oh my goodness. You’ve become quite the beautiful young woman. You look so much like your grandpa. I’m sure hes so proud of you for taking over the farm. I’ll be here to help you as much as you need getting started. When Shane gets here you should say hello to him.”

“Shane? “ I squinted a little, confused.

“My nephew, you two were best friends whenever you spent the summers here.” she said a little worried. She noticed the bruise too, I tried to hide it behind my hair but I was starting to think it was inevitable.

“I’m sorry Marnie, I have memory problems. I’ll talk to you more about it in private when we catch up, but if you point him out to me I’m sure I’ll remember his face. I’m just not good with names. “

Marnie seemed a little sad that I hinted at the fact life hadn’t been very easy for me. “He’ll be here in a bit, he’s almost always at the saloon after work. He’s usually over there near the fireplace and bar. If you want you can come over for dinner on Sunday, I’m sure you havent had a good home cooked meal in a while since living in the city.”

I smiled widely “I’d absolutely love that. I was just telling Lewis today about how much I missed your cooking.”

As I said that, a man in a tattered up hoodie, dark black-purple hair, who was quite broad shouldered and had a dad body walked inside the saloon. He looked void of emotion and tired. Emily wasn’t phased by this, she smiled and treated him like everyone else in the warm happy way she did. He looked almost angry at her for her being nice to him. That’s when Marnie said “Well there he is, that’s my Shane.”

Maybe he just had a bad day, I thought. I thought about getting him something to eat to maybe cheer him up a bit. After all, I knew all about having bad days. So I walked over to Emily, and he peeked up at me, seeming annoyed. This built up anxiety in me, but my therapist said I needed to overcome my fear of upsetting people after all I’d been through. So I asked Emily,

“Hey what’s Shane’s favorite food?”

“Oh, he loves pepper poppers. Um.... Evie, hes a little..... rough around the edges.” she smiled “but he has a good heart. He has a goddaughter named Jas, and he took her in.”

I nodded, and she handed me a plate of the spicy food. I walked over cautiously to him, he smelled like beer and whiskey. I slid the food beside him and he looked up at me kind of dazed, probably from the alcohol.

“Hey, I’m new in town, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m-”

“What the fuck do you want? I don’t fucking know you, so piss off and leave me alone.” He spat at me and didn’t even look me in the eyes. I stood back shocked, feeling tears well up. Emily went pale, Marnie, Sam and Sebastian saw the look of hurt on my face. I immediately turned around and went back to Emily.

“Hey you okay? I’m sorry, he’s not normally that harsh. Here,” She said as she handed me a bottle of wine. “its on the house. I should’ve told you he’s uh, an angry person.”

I couldn’t speak, the feeling of panic and tears welled up in my throat and I knew it was visible on my face. I just looked at her and nodded. “I’ll be alright, thanks Emily. I just wasn’t expecting that. I’m gonna head home.”

I took the wine and Marnie tried to stop me and talk to me, she saw the tears starting to come down and gave me a quick hug. As I turned to leave I felt like i was being watched, and I locked eyes with him. A sudden wash of recognition and regret hit his face. He saw he made me cry and i knew now he knew who I was. He put down his beer and looked like he was about to walk over. I almost ran out the door, and started sprinting towards the forest with the wine in hand. As soon as I knew I was out of earshot, I broke down. I looked for the pond my grandfather used to take me to when I was sad.

---Back at the Saloon while Evie is in the woods, Shane POV--

Marnie walked over to Shane. “What has gotten into you? You grew up with that girl!!!! You made her cry after she wsa just trying to be nice to you.”

“I-I didn’t recognize who she was until she left. I’m going to find her and apologize, I’m sorry Marnie. I’m just--” he sighed. God. I always fuck up. He thought.

Marnie patted him on the shoulder “I know Shane. Just-- try to remember you’re not the only one who’s been through a lot. Okay?”

He nodded and left the Saloon to find and apologize to Evie.

--Back to Evie in the woods, Shane POV--

I sat down at the edge of the pier and downed the entire bottle of wine. I hadn’t imagined something so small would make me relapse. The alcohol made me feel warm so i took off my long sleeve shirt and kept on my large band tee. The bandages and stitches itched with my mistakes. So I took them off. They probably needed a little air anyways. The vertical cuts that were held together with thread still looked pretty bad and they bled a little as I unraveled the wrapping, but they were at least mostly closed up with scabs. Around the wounds were bruises from Daniel, my ex -fiance. I could still see the finger marks were he had grabbed me on my arm. I cried somewhat loudly and just laid and looked up at the stars for a while. I started feeling dizzy, and tired. And the comforting numbness washed over me as everything faded into darkness. I thought I heard someone walking towards me but I didn’t care. They could kill me and I’d die happy right there.

--Shane’s POV finding Evie--

I knew where she was going, the same place she went when she snuck out of her gradfathers when she missed her dad. I heard loud crying, like someone was in pain. It had to be her, I was already tipsy and quickened my pace towards the loud cries. Suddenly it stopped. Oh Yoba. Oh no. Why did it stop?

I didn’t want to frighten her, so I tried to walk a little loudly. I saw a figure laid out on the pier, close to the edge of the side, she was about to roll off into the pond. “Evie? Hey.”

No response. Oh fuck. As i got closer I saw the empty wine bottle, and i felt a pang of guilt and worry.

Wait. What the hell? I turned on my phones light and shined it on her, she passed out from drinking. But- what was......

I saw cuts on both her wrists that were obviously a previous suicide attempt, they were stitched together, but she also had dark bruises of all colors on her arms, and she had cried off her makeup, revealing a darkened eye as well.

I felt like I had just walked in on a crime scene. I never thought I’d meet someone more messed up than me, much less a childhood friend. What the hell happened to her? I tried shaking her awake and calling her name but she didn’t wake up. More panic and anxiety came over me. I picked her up gingerly in my arms to bring her to the clinic, she was so small and soft. She smelled like strawberries and vanilla. Shane studied her features. She had the same freckles, same button nose, same long eyelashes and dark hair as he remembered her having as she had when they were little. She was gorgeous too. How could anyone hurt such a beautiful fragile girl? What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I thinking this way? Get a grip Shane.

I called Harvey, “Hello?” A groggy mans voice answered.

“Hey uh Harvey, the new farmer girl, she’s actually a childhood friend of mine. I found her passed out drunk on a pier and she looks like she’s already been in bad shape. I can’t wake her up, I’m bringing her as we speak. She already has stitches and-- She’s just in a really bad way.” Shane’s voice quaked a bit at the end of his sentence.

“Okay, oh Yoba, thats not good. Hurry here as fast as you can okay? I’ll get things ready for her so I can immediately work on her. Is she breathing? “ The words Harvey said made me panic more. Fuck. I didn’t even check to see if she was fucking breathing. I looked down and she was breathing gently and normally.

“Yeah she is, I think she’s just really drunk. I’m not sure.” I said back.

I carried her in, set her down on the hospital bed. Holy fuck. I hadn’t noticed how bad she really was hurt. She hid all of it with clothes and her long hair. She looked like she had been beaten over and over again over the past month. Even her eye and jaw had small bruises that had healed. Who did this to her? Then I saw the cuts. They were worse in the florescent lighting. Those were definitely on purpose.

Harvey looked pale at the sight of her. “Okay, here, see if she has any emergency contacts on her phone. I’m going to get fluids into her. Aside from that, looks like all of this was from previous incidents.” and he closed the curtain leaving shane in the little area next to the room. She didn’t have but a few contacts saved. One of them was Daniel, as I selected his contact I noticed the number had been blocked. The picture of him was a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, the athletic type. Looked like a general douchebag. A text came in from a random number.

“What the fuck? You think you can just run away from me? Restraining order is just a piece of paper. I’ll find you. I know you’re probably shacked up with some scumbag, you whore. Not even your father wanted you, your mom died and its your fault. You’ll never find anyone better than me.” It read. That had to be him. The whiskey helped fill me with rage, I typed the number into my phone and left to the lobby to call it.

It rang a couple of times before a condescending voice answered,

“Come crawling back already psycho? You should’ve done a better job at trying to off yourself bitc-”

I cut him off, “Don’t contact her ever again. Or I’ll fucking kill you.” I hung up. And blocked the number. Why was I doing this? She was practically a stranger to me now.

I shook my head and left her phone with Harvey. I needed to sleep. I’d have Marnie call Harvey tomorrow to check on her. I looked at her one last time before I left, I remembered we’d have sleep overs, and she still slept curled up on her side.

I went home and told Marnie, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Shane. I should’ve told you. Her father deserted her, he mother fell into drinking and killed herself. Evie found her when she was 18. Her grandfather died the same year. She has no one. I don’t know why she has bruises, but I suspect thats why she came here so far away from the city. Please be kind to her. ” She looked worried.

“I-I...... yoba. I had no idea. She hadn’t-” I said then Marnie interuppted me.

“She didn’t come here probably because I wanted to run away from whoever hurt her that bad.”

I hardly slept that night, I got up for work in the morning and looked at the clinic on my way.

I’m so sorry Evie. I need a fucking drink.

#sdv #shane x farmer #stardew valley fanfiction #stardew valley #stardew #shane stardew #shane fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #series #writer #stories #angst #TW #read with caution

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addisonacres · 3 years

Note

This is for the weird asks: 10, 16, 19, 46, 58

10. The game you were best at in PE.

Spectating.

16. The most comfortable position to sit in.

In my arm chair, a pillow at the small of my back because my back is fucked.

19. Sleeping position.

I will naturally roll onto my tummy but my chiro says that that is NOT ALLOWED. It is bad for my lower back. So I have to sleep on my side and it's hard to train myself to do that but if I sleep with a teddy bear it helps (true story).

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in.

Nothing. I move a lot and get twisted.

58. Four talents you're proud of having.

Writing. It's one of the few things that I can admit to myself that I'm good at.

I make a damn awesome carrot cake.

Being a good mumma to my bubs. I know that I have weird 'children' but chickens, guineas, and alpacas are the absolute best and I take good care of them. I've had people tell me that when they die they want to come back as one of my chickens and I think that that's something to be proud of.

Um... what else (that's PG rated 😂) I am okay at punctuating dialogue. I get commas before dialogue tags right, but the thing that let's me down is I always forget the keyboard shortcut for an em dash so I just use a hyphen instead, which is more laziness than a lack of talent lol

Thanks for the weird asks, poppet!

Ask me anything!

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pbandjesse · 3 years

Text

Today was very good but very long. I am glad I was able to sleep in the middle bit. I did sleep good last night too, so I am sure that helped my mood.

And it was just a good day. When I woke up James was still out, picking up the table from their parents and had already gotten all the market stuff in the car. So once they were back I was already dressed and I felt super cute. I was happy.

And that continued. I was excited to do printing live at the market. There was another artist there today, an older woman who made a lot of LGBT things and we had a lot in common about found objects and it was lovely talking to her.

I actually talked to a lot of vendors today. Ellen came late but her boss, Hellen, was there and it was nice meeting her. I am trying to make friends with the girl at the egg stand and so I gave her a print and she gave me eggs! So sweet. Love a barter system.

This was our best selling day. There was a lot happening at the market though. There was a regalia with the boats, there was a child maker fair, there was a vaccine clinic, and the museum was free today! So there was a lot of foot traffic and we made so many sale. It was awesome. I felt like a real artist.

The day started slow. We had stopped for breakfast and we got to use our new two person camp chair. We forgot our table cloth so we used our purple Mexican blanket. Worked just fine. I was very happy with making prints and was having a lot of fun showing people the process. I had them for sale for $10 instead of the normal $15 since they weren't packaged. But it went over really well and was fun teaching people the process. I was surprised when people didnt realize I did the drawing? Like yes its a print but I made and designed that! So I was glad I could walk them through the process.

I did run out of paper. So I went in the museum and borrowed a few sheets from there. It was a really fun time. James was such a huge help but beyond that it was just fun being together.

We had lots of silly high fives. James kept dancing? I love them, Im so glad I got to spend so much time with them today. We will spend time tomorrow too but this felt special.

After the market we packed up and headed home. We stopped for sandwiches. Had a little trouble finding a parking space because that shopping center is weird. But we got sandwiches and went home.

We got all the art stuff upstairs and had lunch and then I went to sleep.

I didnt have to be back at the museum until 430. I woke up at 3 convinced it was 7am and I had missed my alarm and was very upset for a minute before I realized it was okay. So I laid there for a half hour before I got redressed, in a slightly nicer outfit, and me and James got ready to go.

They drove me to the museum. We went in kind of a weird way again. But I was on time still. And this wedding was wild compared to last night.

250 guests! So many tables!! I was in the print shop again and set up a print of the couple's name again. It was a little confusing figuring out if it was a hyphenated name or not but in the end I just made both. And it was honestly a great night. We were all a little worried but it ended up being fine.

I didnt actually have a ton of people in my galleries. But the people who did come in were awesome. I got to talk up tours and programs but also Puhtok and the YLP program. People really loved the printing I was doing and honestly I think I have a better system for wedding now so I am pretty pleased. I did end up getting so much ink on my hands when I was cleaning up and it was annoying getting the scrubby soap and then the sink I went to didnt work and ink was just everywhere. So I had to clean that. But it was fine.

James had been at their parents doing laundry and left a little late. So I just sadly waited at the front desk. I watched videos and soon they were here and I was very happy to go home.

I was excited that the corset I ordered came. And is super nice and fits great? For $25?? What? To NSFW to post on here. But I bought it to wear over clothes so Im sure I will have it in upcoming outfits. It is pretty awesome.

I put away the dishes and had dinner. Some of the wedding food from last night. And eventually took a shower. I am excited to sleep. Because we are going to the Ren Faire tomorrow! I am very excited!!

Sleep well everyone!! Take care of yourselves!!

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blessyouhawkeye · 5 years

Note

Do you have any more head cannons about Star Wars? (Preferably gay ones your gay ramblings are awesome)

boy howdy have you opened the floodgates my dude

first of all, rey lesbian. that's a fact. she promptly ran into the arms of her gf rose at the end of tros okay?? let me believe it happened. rose hyphenates her name to become rose tico-skywalker once they get married and leia cried when she heard.

rey and finn kissed once off screen during the force awakens and after were like "wait this is what friendship is." and then shook hands

poe waited by finn's bedside every off moment after the force awakens and remains salty that THE ONE MOMENT he wasn't loving holding finn's hand, waiting for him to wake up, was the moment finn decided to wake up. poe always wanted to suggest finn took his last name, but didn't want to be disrespectful since, you know, his real name was stolen from him by the first order, and after poe proposes finn says "it's about time i had a last name" and poe, who was so composed while proposing, fucking loses it.

rey thought kylo was gay that's why she was so chill with him and then he kissed her and she was like well. can't ruin this man's life right before he dies. but you BEST believe my girl wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and said "gross" once he was dead.

the thing finn was going to tell rey was that he was force sensitive, but poe thought he was going to tell her that he loved her, and got SO fucking jealous which is why he was so pissy for a lot of the movie, and why he was kinda vague about his relationship with zorii because he wanted to give finn a taste of his own medicine

finn and lando bond after tros about their crushes on foolhardy himbo ex-smuggler pilots

rey, jannah, zorii and rose are the Ultimate girl squad of the resistance

after they get married, finn starts responding to "general dameron" and every time it happens poe cries and kisses him and nothing gets done

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inventors-fair · 4 years

Text

Lyrical Poets

There was a pretty diverse set of musical interests represented in this competition - a wide variety of artists and genres, which definitely kept things from getting dull on my end. Without further ado, let’s jump on in!

@antmations - Erissa, Bog Witch

Flavour: Spooky big bog witch makes everybody feel like dying. I'm not sure it communicates why I'm better off that way, but I'm sure she knows what she's talking about. Mechanics: A deathtouch creature is already a pretty significant deterrant to attacking, so adding extra downsides makes it especially unattractive. Be careful with effects like this because they often put the opponent in a position where they feel they can't progress the game without dying, which just makes the gameplay grind to a halt. Templating/Nitpicks: Nope, nothin'. Overall: Bog Big witch energy.

Charmera - Bad Moon Risen

Flavour: I respect how literally you played into this, especially the references to old card names. Kudos. Mechanics: Obviously with taking things as literally as you did, the design kinda has to wind up all over the place. My biggest takeaway from this one is that it feels like it should be a Saga that just ticks up through the lines you're referencing. Templating/Nitpicks: On MTG.design, you can use asterisks (*) to drop bullet points into your modal effects. It's super convenient. Overall: The chorus of this song is commonly misheard as "There's a bathroom on the right." That would probably be harder to design.

@corporalotherbear - Tranquility, the Trickster

Flavour: You chose a very simple effect which gave lots of room for flavour text. Just with the lines included I still don't totally understand the why, but it definitely conveys what's going on. Mechanics: This is repeatable removal, and pretty strong removal at that. Red is supposed to be weak against creatures with high toughness, but besides actual-factual walls this will generally circumvent that. Templating/Nitpicks: While a creature technically can fight itself, if you asked players what that means probably 9 out of 10 would get it wrong. The correct way to template this would probably be to just write out, "deals damage to itself equal to twice its power." Overall: It is a heck of a trick, tho.

@dabudder - Unbounded Truth

Flavour: The lyric you chose is really wholesome and pleasant. Revealing cards feels like "saying what we mean", though it fights the theme a bit that only our opponents get in on that action. Mechanics: Peek with some incidental lifegain tacked on sounds reasonable, I suppose. Control decks probably wouldn't mind knowing what answers they need to dig for while giving themselves more time to do so. Templating/Nitpicks: You're looking for "card", not "spell", and converted mana costs are "high" rather than "great". It probably comes out, "You gain life equal to the highest converted mana cost among cards revealed this way." Overall: Thanks for going to the trouble of submitting it until it went through. I expect next week to go a little smoother for you.

@dim3trodon - Paladin of Silence

Flavour: The lyrics are pretty evocative, and I can imagine a paladin saying (or explicitly not saying?) exactly that line. Good choice to lean on the spell Silence to define what exactly that means. Mechanics: I'm not sure what's Blue about this one. Perhaps it was for the Flash, but it's worth noting that every color has access to Flash for effects that genuinely require it to work - this would be one of those. Templating/Nitpicks: Kudos on being careful around flicker effects, though also be wary when you have to do that. It can be a sign that the core effect isn't very fun. Overall:

@dimestoretajic - Kawejitch, the Unrestrained

Flavour: Thanks for putting a face to the lyric that's been stuck in my head since my childhood. Only a little surprised that face has a trunk. Mechanics: This is functionally unblockable, but Mardu probably adds up to that. The rate could probably use some attention, as an 8/5 unblockable for six is better than anything that's been printed. Putting combat keywords on a creature that's nearly impossible to block feels like a miss; I think it's to really stick the "couldn't hold me back" thing, but I feel like super-menace delivered on that well enough. Templating/Nitpicks: I hope I'm not the only that gets unreasonably happy reading lines of text like this. Overall: I've been talking to myself out loud the whole time I've been typing this.

@emmypupcake - Burden of Despair

Flavour: Between the art and the flavour text, I can certainly feel the despondency of the situation. Mood. Mechanics: This is reasonably flexible removal, getting rid of little dorks entirely and mosty disabling bigger ones. The power drop feels pretty irrelevant since the creature can't attack or block anymore, but I suspect it's just there for symmetry. Templating/Nitpicks: Yours is one of only a couple submissions that correctly represented both title and artist in the flavour text. I'll be clearer about it in the future, but gold star for you in the meantime. Overall: Bog Big mood.

@fractured-infinity - Erase From Time

Flavour: I'm not sure what the art is showing me, but the flavour text does more than enough to set the tone. Gone for good. Mechanics: This is quite the clever little innovation, a variation on White's more permanent exile removal that is relevant in multiplayer. I'm a little curious why it phases instead of exiling, since the nonlegendary clause means it wouldn't hit Commanders either way, and the two are equivalent in most other cases. Templating/Nitpicks: No need for hyphens in "nonland" and "nonlegendary". Overall: This is one of those moments where you come up with a cool concept, you develop an awesome design around it...and somehow that design just no longer fits that concept. The biggest thing keeping you out of the winner's circle this week was that your innovation played in the opposite direction of your theme by making the removal less permanent. Solid design work, though.

@gollumni - Guildless Anarchist

Flavour: I assume the flavour text is mostly connecting with the first ability. Some designs just need the added context of a set or cycle to really make sense, and that's okay. Mechanics: Part of me suspects the first ability is a little overcosted, because it doesn't actually net you a card - see Haunted Crossroads for reference. That said, the repeatable removal and/or Lava Axe of the third ability seems pretty strong to make up for it. Templating/Nitpicks: Magic is picky, so you only "return" cards to the battlefield or your hand; you'll just "put" this one where it goes. Also, you'll want to include "untapped" in the cost of the third ability; the rules don't strictly require it, but templating praxis does. Overall: "Slaughtermatic" is my new word of the day.

@hypexion - Ravenous Extraction

Flavour: I've never heard it, but even just reading it that flavour text seems catchy. It has a clear message, and the Treasure tokens have added meaning thanks to the "inheritance" line. Mechanics: This hearkens back to Squandered Resources, both mechanically and thematically. Moving it to Red is probably correct in the modern color pie, though admittedly I'm not sure at what rate either of these effects would be fair. Nyxbloom Ancient triples your mana more permanently for seven, so...maybe five is fine? Templating/Nitpicks: For poetry, line breaks are as much a part of the writing as the words. If it's not possible to fit with line breaks intact, you'll want to include slashes to indicate where they should be. Geist of the Moors is an example of what that looks like. Overall: I'm going to have to look up this song to see how close it sounds to how I'm reading it.

@ignorantturtlegaming - Angel's Song

Flavour: An angel's song is definitely magic-appropriate flavour, and has a lot of room for interpretation. "Eternal life" as doubling your life total makes sense, though the burn part feels more like punishing the gathering than calling it. Mechanics: Moving Sphinx's Revelation to sorcery speed does hurt its power level, though I'm not sure it does it enough to compensate for all the upsides this has. Having the option of using it as a sweeper is huge, and the life doubling on top of the first mode seems like it gets out of hand quickly. Templating/Nitpicks: Modal spells only really have their modes. If you want the conditional part to occur regardless of which mode you pick, the correct way to do that is to include it in both modes. I agree this feels weird. Overall: A song called The Gathering was such an apt choice, kudos.

@illharg-the-rave-boar - The Key and the Gate

Flavour: I'm definitely picking up the "thrall to Yog-Sothoth" feel. And the card is powerful enough that it communicates a sense of powerlessness against cosmic forces. Mechanics: This card is quite the beating, but I suppose three-color, seven-mana spells generally should be. This is a pretty clear 'game over' in most cases - unless your opponents have another source of cards, the fact you're stealing one each turn and doming them for 7 every time they whiff should end the game pretty quickly. Templating/Nitpicks: There are enough details of the lyrics that lend themselves to Magic vocabulary (rainbow, cascade, even walls) that I wish the design were a little more explicit, but I understand there's only so much room. Overall: Songs these days really have nothing on great old ones.

@khyrberos - Neutral Physician

Flavour: Few things make me happier than "deniability" on a card that literally denies an ability. This has a few different things going on, but they're all pulled reasonably well from the text you're referencing. Mechanics: All the different pieces of this card kinda drag it in different directions. While they're clearly pulled from the lyrics, they don't really create a unified mechanical identity, which makes it hard to imagine how a card like this should be used. Templating/Nitpicks: If you want it to counter death triggers, you can actually just do that. "Counter target triggered ability if a creature dying caused it to trigger" does what you want without the weird timing restriction. Overall: I think there's actually something here, it just needs a little polish.

@macaroni-and-squeez - Rising Form-Claimer

Flavour: Using the untap trigger to show the creature "woke up" that way is really clever. Mechanics: The delayed trigger feels a little hard to track, and I can't help but think there must be a simpler way to achieve a similar feel. I do like the fact that the tap in the cost of the ability sets up the untap trigger, which makes the design feel internally consistent. Templating/Nitpicks: There's a comma missing between your costs, and you probably mean to say "When CARDNAME becomes untapped during your next untap step," otherwise the trigger hangs around indefinitely and goes off every time it untaps. Overall: Is this thing skinless until you activate the ability? Oh no.

@machine-elf-paladin - Goblin Firework Festival

Flavour: This line feels so much like a goblin rhyme, I'm really pleased that you felt that in it too. The unpredictability of the end result, and flavour of blowing up your friends and fireworks feels very resonant. Mechanics: This is a finisher, with a pretty clear multiplayer leaning. I think in practice this would generally kill whichever player is at the lowest life total, encouraging them to sacrifice everything they have, in turn possibly killing another player and encouraging them to do likewise. While the effect feels fun to read, I'm not convined the actual gameplay would feel interesting most of the time. Templating/Nitpicks: Gold star for the use of slashes to indicate line breaks in your flavour text. Overall: I hope this song is as fun as this design implies it is.

@martian-june - Blood Pact

Flavour: Combining a group hug effect with a group slug effect to convey "friends who bleed" is pretty clever. Mechanics: This is an interesting combination of 'White' and Black effects. The card draw is something that Black can do at this rate, and the opponents drawing cards probably covers any cost of the life loss. I'm not sure precisely what deck is looking for the combination of these effects, but it's neat to see them done together. Templating/Nitpicks: I don't think there's any strong reason for the "if" clause, there are very few effects that would prevent that from happening anyway. Overall: I like centered cards too.

@milkandraspberry - Taunting Slander

Flavour: I can see how "stupid butt" might get one's hackles up. Them's fightin' words. Mechanics: A fight effect with a little extra reach seems sensible enough. You'll often lose your creature along with theirs, so it's a little bit like a Heartfire. Templating/Nitpicks: "...each get +1/-1..." is the template you're looking for. Apart from that, I'd just like to see the flavour and reminder text italicised - it subtly communicates that I should be reading it differently, which is surprisingly helpful. Overall: Not too strong, not too bad.

@misswamyn - Bardic Inspiration

Flavour: I can definitely imagine how a great song could get your troops a-movin'. I do wish there was a little more to make me feel why this song has this effect, but the overall effect definitely makes sense. Mechanics: The biggest miss is that there's nothing particularly White about it. Otherwise, perfectly solid. Templating/Nitpicks: This is a really simple line of text that has apparently never appeared on a Magic card before. Those are always a treat. Overall: Makes me wonder what the actual greatest song ever would do.

@mistershinyobject - Ghastly Grasp

Flavour: Drain is definitely a classically Black way to illustrate the concept of touch. The impression I get is that the creature is the one overwhelmed by your touch, though I'm not sure I immediately connect with the "almost convinced me I'm real" line. That part seems especially poignant, so I'd love to see it show through in the mechanics. Mechanics: You expressed some concern over whether this was allowed in Black - personally, I don't think it's even a bend. Because Black can get full drain at roughly this rate, it certainly wouldn't be a break for it to get only half of that. Dealing damage without any lifegain would have to be a bend then, but this sets itself up to gain life almost every time it's used. I think you're fine. Templating/Nitpicks: Power seems like an odd choice over toughness, just because it feels like it's operating on an entirely different axis. Overall: Killing a Rampaging Ferocidon with this would be so satisfying.

@misterstingyjack - Keeper of the Fourth Mystery

Flavour: I wouldn't have picked up on what this card's flavour text was saying without your explanation, though with the explanation I can pretty clearly see what motivated your decisions. Mechanics: Expanding your tutor effects is an interesting space to play in, I wonder if there's a good way to make it work. Templating/Nitpicks: Unfortunately, this template probably doesn't do it. I don't believe an effect can really look forward to see where the searched card is going to be put, and I'm not sure the search replacement would work as intended anyway. This is a tough templating challenge though, so I think this was a valiant effort. Overall: A honestly hope to see a more polished version of this in the future.

@morbidlyqueerious - Lethal Prominence

Flavour: It works a little hard to convey its theme, but I think it gets there. Mechanics: You're right that it came out a little wordy, and I suspect there's probably a more elegant way to deliver on the notes this is trying to hit. I think it gets dragged in too many directions trying to incentivise everyone (the counters, the Gold, the attack requirement). That said, I do like where it's aiming. Templating/Nitpicks: Nothing stands out, which is good. Overall: This is exactly the kind of lyric I had in mind when I created this challenge.

@nine-effing-hells - The First Home of Crafters

Flavour: It does do the work of tying Dwarves, Artifacts, and Artificers together thematically. Mechanics: Lands that tap for multiple mana are often a problem, and there are enough cheap artifacts that I would expect the other two types to be largey irrelevant. That deckbuilding restriction is a limitation, but history has shown that cheap artifacts tend to be good together without a lot of extra help. Templating/Nitpicks: You noted that the wording on the trigger is hard to follow, and I have to agree. I think it does function correctly though, so points for that. Overall: It's definitely a song.

@quillpaw - Mercury in Retrograde

Flavour: It's hard for me to connect what the flavour text is telling me to the resulting effect, which is unfortunate because each of them seems cool on its own. Mechanics: This is definitely a variant of Kruphix that feels Red. I think it feels a bit bad that it costs so much, because by the time you can start holding onto your mana it's going to kill you pretty quickly trying to do so. I think the downside feels appropriate though. Templating/Nitpicks: Those are two different abilities, so they should be spaced a little differently. And generally you'll want quoted flavour text inside quotations marks. Overall: I still can't figure out if it's a friend or not.

@real-aspen-hours - South Wind

Flavour: Cute to evoke the spell Hurricane for a song of the same name. The second half is...Shatterstorm, which I suppose is on the storm theme? Mechanics: Suspend is something we probably won't see much of soon, and this isn't the kind of effect that plays especially nicely with that mechanic. When your opponent knows a sweeper is coming, they just know not to play into it. Templating/Nitpicks: I put the card image together for you. I think I do good work. Overall: You've got at least three more winds to design now.

@reaperfromtheabyss - Question to the World

Flavour: The design itself asks questions without answering them, which is kind of an interesting place for this to be. Mechanics: The coolest part of this design is that it asks your opponent whether they want to bother dealing with it (and giving you cards) or just letting it live as a minor inconvenience. This came close to winning, and my only problem with this design is that the combination of evasion and hexproof takes most of your opponent's ability to interact with it away, leaving that one interesting question pretty moot. Templating/Nitpicks: Cards would be exiled "with" it, not "by" it. Overall: Did they ever get an answer?

@scavenger98 - Horizon's Turn

Flavour: I definitely get the sensation of leaving the surface world behind and taking to the skies, which is a neat story. Mechanics: This a tough one. It's a six-mana (twelve, if you count the skipped untap) sorcery that can often do actual nothing depending on your opponent's deck. The frustrating part is that there's no real way to build around it, because it relies entirely on your opponent's things. Also, skipping untap steps is just rough. Templating/Nitpicks: Nope, nothing in particular. Overall: I feel like there's more story to this than I'm picking up on, and it genuinely makes me want to know more.

@shakeszx - Leave Breathless

Flavour: The "doesn't untap" clause is normally used for ice effects, but I can see it being used for breathlessness. Adding the activated ability bit certainly sells it as something different. Mechanics: Split second isn't a favourite of mine, but I suppose it's there to make sure the activated ability line gets to do its thing. This is only moderately better than normal freeze effects, so I'm not sure the color-intensive cost is really necessary. Templating/Nitpicks: It's a little weird that the effects last for different periods. I'd probably just attach the activated ability limitation to "until it becomes untapped", as many activated abilities won't be usable until then anyway. Overall: That line is a pretty good choice, I gotta say.

@snugz - Caught in the Act

Flavour: A song as well-known as this one is a bold choice because it comes with so many preconceptions. I'm not sure I'm picking up where all the different parts are fitting together thematically, and that could be part of it. Mechanics: This is some nifty little soft removal. It feels a bit like a Blue Stab Wound - most often, this will be used to immediately kill small opposing creatures (by leaving up a blocker big enough to eat it in combat), but occasionally it’ll be stuck on something harmless to achieve the recurring effect. In most cases, mill two each turn is not going to be too scary (and is even an upside at times), but in a mill deck every recurring source of mill is key. Templating/Nitpicks: Reimagining the artist of the song as a character was an interesting little addition. Overall: I would not be at all surprised to see something like this printed in an upcoming set.

@sorustyitshines - Fire-Forged Bond

Flavour: This definitely conveys the theme of two creatures fighting and enduring hardships together. I feel like you have the space to do a little more to really sell the theme, but it's certainly clear from what you've got. Mechanics: This is an effect that doesn't exist yet, which means it's got that much going for it. I think the theme gives you space for a little more innovation than what you took advantage of; something like "those creatures gain indestructible for as long as you control both of them" is a slightly more unique space that leans a little harder into the story you're trying to tell. Templating/Nitpicks: The effect wants "each of two target creatures", otherwise it sounds like you're splitting the one counter between them. Overall: It probably doesn't need to be rare, but otherwise this is a very printable card.

@teaxch - Sink and Drown and Die

Flavour: I had to actually listen to the song to piece together what was going on, as the flavour text only went so far. That said, aligning the three effects with the three verbs was really cleverly done. Mechanics: My only real qualm here is that your opponent makes all the decisions. This would probably be in the winners’ circle if you picked the three permanents and they picked what to do with them (a kind of Kiss, Marry, Kill effect). Templating/Nitpicks: The existing templating looks perfect, so instead let's imagine the Kiss, Marry, Kill version: "Choose three nonland permanents controlled by the same player. That player returns one of them to its owners hand, puts another on top of its owner library, and sacrifices the rest." Overall: Just hoping the flavour text wasn't aimed at me.

@tmstage - The Lone Digger Club

Flavour: You were correct in assuming I'd seen the video, so I did have a sense of what was going on here. That said, I warned that the card was the context I was most interested in, and it doesn't serve to communicate all of that itself. Mechanics: This is a really cute way to evoke the effect you were going for. Forced blocks (and attacks, for that matter) can be done within Blue, and the aggressive feeling definitely justifies the Red inclusion. Templating/Nitpicks: Nowadays attack restrictions refer to "combat" rather than "turn", so that it's clear how they interact with multiple combat phases. Overall: The purple art on a Blue-Red card is so satisfying.

@whuh-oh - The Demon Within

Flavour: I can see how each of part of the lyric is supposed to correspond to one of the activated abilities, though it's not immediately obvious which effect is which line. Mechanics: Free mana is often very strong, and being able to turn 2 life into three mana each turn feels strong - I suppose it's only a turn sooner than Gilded Lotus with a higher color requirement, but it's also a lot more flexible than that. The fact that the third ability doesn't seem to interact with the other two makes it feel a little out-of-place, especially since three abilities and the activation restriction means you could pretty easily have them work cyclically (i.e., have the last ability read "BBB: You gain 2 life."). Templating/Nitpicks: You'll want it to read "only once each turn", because templates. Overall: Form of the Demon is a pretty neat idea.

@wolkemesser - Memnarch's Manic Plan

Flavour: The strongest flavour points for this card go to the fact that it makes you think like the character; you immediately start to imagine the payoffs for doing the thing, and the costs just become an afterthought. I think that was really cleverly done. Mechanics: The biggest obstacle is that this is a bit of a one-card combo. As long as your deck has any game-winning combo somewhere in it, you just build up a lot of permanents and play this, hoping to draw into your combo and immediately have the mana to play it out. Either you succeed and win on the spot, or you don't and your opponent picks you apart while you try to piece things back together. It's possible this gives you enough resources when it works not to immediately fold to pressure, but if that's the case there's just not much risk to playing it after all. Templating/Nitpicks: Looks like you missed the word "cards" after "draw X", otherwise you're golden. Overall: I was really pleased to see Memnarch show up on this, thanks for that.

That’s our feedback this week - I wanted to get it out of the way so that you all could focus on @teaxch‘s challenge starting today. Thank you all again for letting me share one of my favourite design exercises with you, and I hope that some of you will keep it in mind the next time you’re struggling to nail an idea down.

Until next time,

~Mod [ @3smuth ]

#inventor's fair #custom magic card #wax lyrical #proving grounds #commentary #3smuth

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ffuturefoundation · 7 years

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remember how i made a higher ground specific blog with the main goal of using aromanticdaisylipenowski again as a url. well i think i am changing it, bc i have so many good hg urls (i mean i have all the cliffhanger’s names except for shelby (though some only with a hyphen and some only without, but still))

and more importantly i have horizon-high (which is what the school is called) and higher-ground and thecliffhangers/the-cliffhangers (which is what are group of main characters is called)

and just those last four would be so much more fitting for a general hg blog. anyways does anyone have suggestions for which one is best? because i can’t decide

#m #okay probably thecliffhangers or smth #but then i don't know whether to go with the hyphen or not #but at the same time i have those other two urls which both would be v cool to use #just for the sake of showing off #i mean i like the cliffhangers better but higher-ground you all!!!#or horizon high is great tbh #sounds a little cooler and it is still one of those urls that is just awesome for the sake of having it #plus some places list that as the shows name #problem: having too many quality urls

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dilfdoctordoom · 4 years

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Since I’m in a first meeting ask streak here’s another. Bette’s first meetings with the Batgirls (plus Harper).

Steph’s not gonna be included in this, since she was in the Robins, but let’s go!

Barbara Gordon:

Babs & Bette are rivals when they first meet

It’s perfectionist vs perfectionist, why did anyone think this was gonna go well?

Babs isn’t Batgirl at this point & Bette’s in her final six months before Kathy dies

They’re both on the debate team & constantly try to one-up each other

Luke & Dick find it very amusing

Their friendship is like... when you look at it from the outside? You’re gonna think those two must hate each other

They don’t

They think the other one is awesome & maybe there’s a crush thrown in there & oh no, I like my esteemed rival. Quick, time to double down on my antagonism

They move past that phase eventually & become, like, normal friends. Or at least as normal as vigilante badasses can get

Bette doesn’t know that Babs is Batgirl & Babs has no idea that Bette is the original Bat-Girl & when they meet in their vigilante personas, they, uh, don’t see eye to eye

Basically canon, there’s a panel out there somewhere of Bette being like ‘BUT I AM THE COOLER BAT-GIRL, I HAVE A HYPHEN, DOES SHE? DID SHE DITCH IT? WHAT, TOO LAME FOR ONE? PFFT’ to Duela Dent

Helena Bertinelli:

Fun fact we get their first meeting in canon!!!! And I love it!!!!

It’s in JLA/Titans

Flamebird Vs Huntress

Bette kicks Helena’s ass in the Titans Vs JLA fight & Helena...

Look it’s kind of hot when someone can beat her, okay? Especially when they’re super cute heroes & not, you know, psychotic villains

They talk after the fight, when everything’s calmed down, & they get along. It’s mostly teasing when they first talking but, yeah, these two hit it off (once they stop fighting...)

Monthly meet-ups to discuss the utter bullshit that is Bruce Wayne, much complaining to be had, Helena kind of loves it?? Flamebird’s actually awesome??? Awesome and cute???

Oh no, she likes her esteemed ally

Cassandra Cain:

Yet another meeting that we see in canon!

They meet in Young Justice #21 & hell yes, I love this team-up

It’s all very adorable & very Young Justice, but it’s... pretty well done Bette appearance which is like finding a unicorn

Acknowledge that Bette was Bat-Girl? Check

Cass kicking ass & Bette being hella impressed? Check

I genuinely love this story because a) I’m a slut of Cassandra Cain & b) it’s fun? It’s cute? It has a bunch of my favourite characters?

They’d definitely meet after the team-up. Like, DC doesn’t say it, but when have I cared about that? Bette is now Cass’s older sister who provides hot chocolate, dating advice & How To Light An Opponent On Fire 101

Charlotte Gage-Radcliffe:

These two have actually been seen working together once... in the Titans Tomorrow storyline. But we don’t know how they meet so, uh, watch me make it up, DC can fight me

I think they’d end up working together when Charlie is Misfit

Bette’s doing a short stint on the Birds of Prey as a favour to Babs & she ends up running a lot of missions with Charlie

I actually don’t think they develop, like, a major connection on their first meeting

Bette definitely likes her, thinks she’s adorable, but this would be in the period where she’s Hawkfire and trying to be a serious vigilante

Charlie is appreciative of her weapon choice, but Helena says she isn’t allowed any flamethrowers. Talk about rude

They work well together

They get closer in the future & Huntress & Batwoman end up working closely together

Tiffany Fox:

Bette meets Tiff when she’s a kid

She’s friends with Luke, of course, she would meet his baby sister

She’s helped Luke babysit Tiff a lot

Helped her with make-up when she was older

Always bought her pink presents because icons recognize icons, okay?

Bette is literally always gonna see her as, like, this little kid. Because for years, that’s what she was & while she really shouldn’t have been surprised that she ended up suiting up, she... struggles with it, I guess?

Like. This is a kid she’s known since Tiff was born

God, she’s starting to get Bruce now, that’s just weird

Harper Row:

She’s a bisexual with a taser

Am I talking about Bette or Harper? Who knows

But yes, they absolutely click the second they meet

Harper actually upgrades her suit!!! She makes a bunch of adjustments that end up improving everything, especially in her tool belt

Bette ends up going to her any time she needs help with her weapons, because Harper’s got talent

Absolutely respects her decision to leave behind Bluebird & keeps checking in on her to make sure she has everything that she needs

They go to Pride together

#q & a #bette kane

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puppetmasterblog · 4 years

Text

house of memories

Izuku's life up until the age of 4 was perfectly normal, thank you very much. He was a happy child, his mom took good care of him, he played outside with his best friend forever, Kacchan. All in all, life was good.

That changed on Izuku's fourth birthday.

He woke up with something akin to a buzzing in the back of his mind. It wasn't unpleasant, just a little distracting, and he told his mom as soon as she greeted him in the living room.

She ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it a little. "Maybe, it's part of your Quirk," she said before she scooped him up in a hug and congratulated him on becoming four.

Izuku beamed when she said that as he hadn't thought of that yet. Oh, he was so excited, he'd been wondering what his Quirk was for ages. Kacchan got his Quirk a while ago, and it was absolutely amazing, at least according to Izuku.

He and his mom ate a big breakfast, with some American pancakes, the recipe his dad had sent them, and some whipped cream and strawberries. Once they were finished, his mom took him to the zoo, and Izuku couldn't be happier. Of course, they'd been before, but the zoo had a new exhibition on animals with Quirks. As with anything Quirk related, Izuku wanted to know about it.

The buzzing in the back of his mind was getting a bit more annoying now. Sometimes his vision seemed to recede a little around the edges. Still, the zoo was more than interesting enough to keep Izuku's attention firmly on the animals.

When he walked past an obnoxious boy that was banging his chubby fist on the glass of the snake enclosure, he was hit with the strangest sense of deja vu. It was so strong that he clutched his mom's sleeve a little tighter than usual. She looked down worriedly and asked him what was wrong, but he didn't know how to explain to her, and shrugged it off instead and told her about the buzzing. She fussed over him a little before letting him go with a final pat on the head. When she was looking away, he headed over to the enclosure after the other boy was done throwing his tantrum.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't very nice of him," he mumbled more to himself than to the snake.

The snake behind the class wasn't the boa constrictor he's been expecting which threw him for a loop, because since when was he expecting a boa constrictor? She looked at him with intelligent eyes, and he knew that she was a she because of the plaque.

For a moment, nothing happened, but Izuku nearly fell over when the snake spoke to him.

"No need to apologise, hatchling. It wasn't you." the snake hissed softly.

Izuku quickly looked at the plaque again, but it only noted that she had some kind of minor intelligence quirk, nothing about the ability to speak.

"Did you just speak to me?" he asked with wide eyes.

"Did you just understand me?" the snake said with faux surprise, raising her metaphorical eyebrows, and wow that was kind of rude, Izuku thought.

"Sorry, I've never talked to a snake before," he said a little stupidly because he was actually talking to a snake.

She huffed, or whatever counts as a huff for a snake as she coiled her body around the nearest tree trunk. "You apologise too much, hatchling. I'm going to go sunbathing now. You're welcome to stay, but I'm trying to take a nap."

"Oh yes, uhm, good luck with that," Izuku said and awkwardly walked away.

As soon as he was out of her hearing range, Izuku quietly freaked out about talking to a snake, before he realised that oh, he's an idiot, maybe this was part of his Quirk. He tested this theory by going up to every animal in the reptile enclosure and trying to talk to them, but to no apparent success.

When he reunited with his mother a moment later, he didn't tell her about the encounter with the snake, as some part of him rebelled at the thought of telling her so violently, that he listened to his gut and just said to her that he had loads of fun learning about all the Quirked animals, which in truth he did.

They finished off Izuku's birthday with a nice home-cooked dinner to which the Bakugous were also invited.

Kacchan kept asking if Izuku had gotten his Quirk yet, so he told Kacchan about the buzzing, and Auntie Mitsuki said that it was probably a mental Quirk then, which Izuku found really cool, but then again Izuku thought that all Quirks were awesome.

Sometime after dinner whilst he and Kacchan were colouring in Izuku's room the buzzing had gotten quite painful and was causing Izuku enough discomfort that Kacchan noticed, and loudly, but not loud enough to cause Izuku more pain, announced that he was done playing for the day and wanted to go home. Izuku was very grateful and nodded to his mom and Auntie and Uncle that it was okay and that he was getting tired anyway.

When the Bakugous had gone, Izuku's mom came back with a chewable aspirin that tasted slightly of oranges. She hugged him close once more and told him to go to sleep early, and by then, Izuku was more than willing to agree.

He was exhausted and in pain, but sleep took him within moments of his head hitting the pillow.

Harry woke with a scream lodged in his throat and his hand reaching for a wand that wasn't there, and oh this is a new experience.

Because he distinctly remembered going to bed as Harry Potter at age 114, with his wife next to him, after tucking his granddaughter into bed, but he also distinctly remembered going to bed as Midoriya Izuku at age 4 with a pounding headache.

It didn't take very long for Harry-Izuku to understand what had happened, as with his combined knowledge of magic and Quirks, it painted a pretty clear picture.

Reincarnation.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, which was a gesture all too familiar and strange at the same time.

Professor McGonagall had once asked Harry, Ron and Hermione why it was always them. Honestly, Harry-Izuku fully shared the sentiment of Ron's answer back then.

He also really needed to stop referring to himself as Harry-Izuku, as that was going to get old fast. Finally, he settled on Izuku, as that was his current life, but it still felt wrong to him.

Izuku knew that life was going to change from now on, he'd gotten the memories of a whole other person stuck in his head, of course, something was going to change. It didn't feel as if Harry was a different person, though. Harry was still him, and he was as much Harry as he was Izuku, he'd just lived longer as Harry than he had as Izuku in comparison. And Gods wasn't that a weird thought to have.

Izuku was pretty confident that his Quirk was Reincarnation, but he was also pretty sure that that was it. He probably wasn't going to get any secondary powers from it. In a world where Quirks were everything, that was pretty useless, if he'd been any other Generic Joe, but he wasn’t. He was Harry Potter, Saviour of the Wizarding World, the Boy-Who-Lived, annoying hyphens and all. 'So', Izuku thought immediately, 'do I still have my magic?'

He didn't have a wand obviously, but he didn't get to be the Head Auror for a good 25 years without having some wandless magic at his disposal. A quick Wingardium Leviosa on the nearby crayons confirmed that he still had his magic. It was slightly harder to control than he remembered it being, but he didn't know if he should blame that on his age, or not. It also tired him out way more than it should, and Izuku decided that the best course of action would be to continue practising in the morning.

The morning came without too much fanfare. It was Sunday, and his mom had a late shift at the hospital, so she was going to be home the entire day. Which of course posed the challenge to Izuku, did he tell his mom? And oh wow he had a mom this time around.

He still hadn't figured out everything about himself. Still, he certainly knew that he couldn't pretend that he was an average four-year-old, but thinking about it, language-wise he was still a four year old. Just because he spoke English didn't change the fact that he didn't know the words in Japanese. Which meant that he wouldn't give himself away by talking. But there were countless other tells, he was sure his mother would notice and ask him about.

In the end, after much debating, he decided that he should tell her. Keeping secrets had never done him a favour as Harry, and they probably wouldn't for Izuku.

He padded his way down to her room, on his tiny bare feet, and Lord did it feel weird to be that small again. He was very grateful that Midoriya Inko was a good mom, who didn't lock children away in broom closets. Still, he'd only learned after quite some years that the Dursleys were particularly bad guardians.

The room clicked open, and he suddenly felt awful as his mom was still asleep. He tried to walk away, unnoticed, but he knew he's too late when she called out softly, "Izuku?"

"Hi mom," he said guiltily as she lifted her blanket for him to crawl in next to her.

"Hi baby, what are you doing up so early?" she asked as she ran a gentle hand through his curls, and Izuku did his best not to melt into the touch.

"I got my Quirk," he said softly.

That got her attention, as she sat up suddenly and cupped his face in her hands. "Oh, that's great, dear. Can you tell me about it?" Her tone excited and comforting at the same time.

"I want to tell you, but, uhm, you know English right?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course, dear. You father is quite the businessman, and I've picked up more than enough over the years. Why do you ask?"

"Good because this is going to be much easier in English."

#fanfic #bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya #midoriya izuku #midoriya inko #inko midoriya #izuku mydoria #Harry Potter #reincarnation #quirk #CrossOver #magic

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seerstormborn · 4 years

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My review of Cursed be like...

The show:

- I’m a sucker for the Arthurian Legend

- Wait there’s a Morgana?

- Let’s see what it’s all about

- Well well well it’s different but at least the big figures are here

- The drawings presenting new scenes is bloody awesome — please never stop, it’s pretty and a breath of fresh air to know who you will see next.

- Mother Nature is the boss -I mean roots and branches have never been so scary

Nimue:

- I never watched the actress’ previous show but she’s pretty good - Courageous darling deserves a better village smh

- Fuck those prejudiced assholes seriously and bless her mother

- P o w e r f u l

- Give back the old man’s chair come on

- “My PreCiOussssss”

Pym:

- Not the heroine, but still my heroine

- She’s the best

- Positive and sincere and loyal and funny and courageous

- Rapunzel is that you

- I’m sorry your fellow blond died he was nice and your ship was perfect

Arthur:

- Nice dude

- GIVE IT BACK

- Ugh honor is so overrated let it go

- Got the pretty and stand still vibes at times

- But I like him

- He is a good person

- Compassionate

- Fundamentally good guy hooking up with the heroine

- Skilled swordsman

Morgana:

- fjskdldikskdld

- The best too

- How do I even describe the awesomeness

- RESISTANCE

- Please don’t make her a villain

- I’m sorry for your lover you two were cute

- Deserves better

Red Paladins:

- Ugh

- The actual worst

- An insult to this great color

- Goodbyyyye Carden

Iris:

- She will go far that one

- NO not like this

- Why did you do that?????

- Ok ok but hear me out: what if living amongst fey is what will open her eyes?

- .... she did what Carden couldn’t, lol. - I still believe the best twist would be that she sees what she is doing is unkind and cruel, which makes her join the resistance. Who’s with me?

Gawain:

- I like you

- Lionheart

- Friendship with Nim is heartwarming

- Gets along with so many people

- Ok maybe not Arthur

- But even the Weeping Rock took to him like??? - I ship them

- Please don’t be dead

Merlin: - Love the actor

- Floki vibes but see first hyphen

- We’re all waiting

- Why does he betray everyone though

- Brotp with Death

- I ship him and Nimue’s mom

- FINALLY HIS POWERS ARE BACK THAT WAS COOL

Uther:

- Deep down I know he can be a good man

- Not the cleverest

- Merlin is playing you my dude

- I like him okay???

The Weeping Monk:

- Pretty make up

- Talented with a sword do not offend the dude

- Still the blandest of them all though

- Being pretty is not enough

- Boring

- Do we blame Daniel or Weeping Monk?

- Wait

- So this is NOT make up?

- Wait wait wait

- I changed my mind

- He is not entirely useless aside from his tracking power

- That talk with Gawain

- !!!!!! Saving Squirell

- Ok you’re interesting

- Look if I hadn’t seen it on Tumblr, your name would have shook me

- Because that man is the bravest of all knights is he not

- I want to see more of his journey and redemption arc

#Cursed Netflix

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williamismyhomeboy · 4 years

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Interview from www.popmusicfan.com 2005

If you only choose one new band to listen to this year, don't let it be anyone other than The Academy Is. With a brand new debut CD out on Fueled by Ramen records and a tour with labelmates Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes, this band is ready to show everyone that they take their music seriously -- but still have fun while doing it. We hung out with lead singer William Beckett on the April 14th stop of their tour and somehow braved the freezing Florida weather.

How's the tour going so far? William: Well, the tour has been pretty spectacular so far. This is our first tour having had the record out and it's been really overwhelming, the response from people and from the other bands as well. We're good friends with all the bands on tour, we didn't know Silverstein until like two days ago, but they're really cool guys. But yeah, it's been great, I miss Midtown... but there's always next time. If you had to choose three bands for the ultimate tour, either to go see or to play with, who would you choose and why? William: Fleetwood Mac because I love Fleetwood Mac, they're one of the great rock bands that did it in a pop way, in a really classy way, too. Led Zepplin.. to go see or to go play with? Jennifer: Either one. William: Oh, yeah, it'd be the same anyway. Pink Floyd, I wouldn't want Pink Floyd because it'd be bad to play with them, they're just too conceptionally profound. Their show is far too extravagant, we'd look like amateurs. Jennifer: Well, if you were just going to see them... William: Oh, yeah, so Pink Floyd. What are your pet peeves about the other guys in the band? William: I've never been asked this before, this is interesting. Yeah, there's a lot. It's a cool thing about being in the band, you never spend that much time with anyone ever. Even married couples don't spend that much time together and that's not even just one on one, that's seven or eight dudes sleeping on a bus. So yeah, we have our differences, just being different people, having different personalities. One day we'll be in a bad mood, one day we'll be in a good mood, one day someone will smell bad and we won't, you know... But for the most part, it's a really brotherly love/hate relationship like most brothers and sisters. For us, we're like a family, the way that we sort of stick it through, for the most part. If you found out you were adopted and you had two celebrities as your birth parents, who would you want them to be and why? William: Wow, I haven't been asked these questions before, this is really cool. If I found out I was adopted... do they have to be like during the same time? Jennifer: Nope, whoever. William: For a mom, I'd probably go with Audrey Hepburn and I'd probably go with... this is tough. I should pick someone like Abe Lincoln or someone crazy. Yeah, I'm gonna pick George Bush. Jennifer: Which one? William: GW, I'm gonna pick GW. Jennifer: Do you like Bush? William: I don't want to talk about it. But his kids seem to have a good time. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: True! William: Right? So there we are.

What's the most embarrassing CD you have in your collection? William: Well, I have a lot of guilty pleasures, stuff most people would think is like, 'What?' Like Rod Stewart and Prince, a lot of stuff that you guys probably don't like or listen to. But my first hip hop CD that I ever bought was Ginuwine so bad. Jennifer: That's not that bad, it could be worse! William: No way, that's so bad, that's so terribly bad. Jennifer: What about Sisqo or something? William: Well, that's... wait, is that you? Jennifer: No! [everyone laughs] Well, I do have his CD, but it's from like seventh grade! William: Yeah, Ginuwine... well, Sisqo's probably worse. But at any rate, I'm a big opera fan, too. That's not really an embarrassing thing, but yeah. Jennifer: Have you seen Phantom of the Opera? William: Yeah! Jennifer: Was it good? William: Uh, no. I've seen the actual opera before... Jennifer: I did, too! On Broadway? William: Yeah! And it's amazing, I was raised on the Andrew Lloyd Webber performance disc and then I saw the movie and it was cool, but they changed some lines and it was just really Hollywood. The singing wasn't great, all the actors actually sang so it was cool but they just didn't do it very well, I don't think. Who's the most famous person that you have in your cell phone? William: Probably, like... I don't like name dropping. Jennifer: You can do it, we'll forgive you. William: [laughs] I should make a joke... Pete Wentz, and that's a joke, but Pete's getting pretty famous. That I actually talk to? Jennifer: Um... yeah. Or do you have any random people in there that you just got from a friend or anything? William: Yeah, I have Jakob Dylan's number but I never use it. I have, I don't know, I don't really look for famous peoples' numbers but the most famous person I have is probably Lyor Cohen, you probably don't know who he is. He owns Warner Brothers and Electra and Atlantic. He's like a multi-billionaire and he's one of the coolest guys in the world. I've met a lot of label people before but yeah, he's probably the most admirable one. If you had to describe yourself in five words, which ones would you choose? William: Myself? I'm really bad with self description, I'm really good with self reflection and creation and song writing and things like that, but actually flat out 'this is who I am?' Honest, passionate, polite, moderately-conservative... hyphenated! And, uh, sexual. Jennifer: Oh, that's a good one! Just kidding. William: I'm actually kidding, that wouldn't be my top five. Jennifer: None of them? William: No! None of them wouldn't except for sexual. Kidding once again, there we are! There we are, just joking. So there's my four. What's the biggest purchase that you've made since getting signed and everything? William: Other than my laptop... uh, yeah, it's my new Mac G4, I don't know I feel like a nerd talking about it. But yeah, my new laptop, probably. I try to conserve, to save my money, I don't really like to spend it on a lot of things. What are one of your favorite lyrics from one of your songs? William: It's really hard because... I think you'd have to take each song for it's whole, the song in it's whole is the work, you know what I mean? But I guess in the bridge of "Down and Out," I don't know if you know which song that is, but that song is the closest to me personally. The bridge is really cool and really close to me and all of our friends, just because we name dropped all of our good friends who really helped us and who we wouldn't be here without, and a bunch of records that we were influenced by during the writing process. Like, uh, Johnny and Tony, if you know the lyrics, they started a small record label called LLR and we had our EP on there. I had a solo project in high school.. Jennifer: Wasn't that Remember Maine? William: Yeah! Wow! You did your homework. So that was sort of like the moment in my life where I was making the decision to do music versus going to school, and no one believed in me really except for me and Johnny and Tony. It was a little bit later on that Tony came into the picture but Johnny was and is my best friend and the reason why I'm here, so he helped us get our foot into the door and we've sort of had this success since then which surpassed what they did for us. But we kind of took them with us, like now Johnny is head of retail at Fueled by Ramen. We were like, 'Hey, Fueled by Ramen, this dude is awesome, pick him up!' And Tony is our tour manager, on tour with us, so it's great, it's awesome. That's pretty much the bridge. Jennifer: We were kind of talking about that last night, about how random all the names are and stuff? We were wondering about that. William: Well the song sort of starts with this story about domestic abuse and escaping and getting away from something that you're afraid of or harmed by, it's sort of really dark. But the whole essence of the song, we didn't want to just focus on that, we wanted to focus on the ups and downs of life and growing up. The second verse says a lot about that growth process and friends and coming to that realization that most of your friends in high school, you're going to have to say goodbye to relatively soon and that's something that's hard for everybody I think, to say goodbye to anyone, be it death or be it whatever someone chooses or ends up having have happen to them. But for us it's not about like finding a dark corner and hiding and blaming other people and getting angry and aggressive, it's about accepting darker times and sort of welcoming those things when they happen, you know, to better understand and appreciate the great things in your life and the people that love you. Are you okay? Jolene: Uh huh! William: You're just cold, aren't you? Do you want my jacket? Jolene: No, it's okay. William: Are you sure? Jolene: Yeah, I'm fine! William: So yeah, for us it was really fitting to make the song about more than just that instance, you know, to make it a little more well-rounded so that was just, yeah.

What's something that people would be surprised to learn about the band? William: Probably our seriousness and what we're trying to accomplish. We have a lot of fun, we do, we indulge but our main scope isn't to be a big band and get famous and get chicks, or to get drunk and do drugs and be like this icon. Like, no one will tell you that unless they're just straight up rockstars, but for us, we really want to help people and change the world in the smallest way or globally and that's really what our end of the road goal is. To transcend age, to transcend sex, to transcend race, to transcend languages. Bands like U2, bands like Pink Floyd and bands that I was talking about earlier, bands that shaped generations and shaped people. It's like, 'You're playing these indie tours, you're playing to these young kids, how are you supposed to change the world?' But for me, I see that as an opportunity also. I also want to appeal to older crowds, I want to appeal to people our age, or maybe people that are a little bit older, like twenty-six, twenty-seven years-old and I think that our record does and will once they hear it. But for the future, as we expand and grow and as our minds grow and as our musicianship and our scope and those things grow, we want to be one of those bands that can make a difference and can help people. We want to be that band that you saw when you were fourteen, like our parents loved the Beatles or whoever when they were fourteen years old and they still love them today, and they're like fifty or sixty years-old. That's the band that we're going to be, because we're going to be the band or the songwriters that stick with the generations. I think the way you do that is being fucking straight up honest and genuine and unselfish. If you write about things that are self-loathing and very trendy and very high school angst, those are the people you're going to appeal to and that's it. You know, your mom's not going to listen to a band that sings about slitting their own throat or hanging themselves or crappy metaphors that are in like, Goosebumps books, you know? I think being genuine and honest and smart and unselfish and really looking at the world in a different light... if you have a minute, I try to do this exercise every morning. I think about people's minds, in this example let's think about the musician or whoever that's on a label that's writing these lyrics, okay? I sort of think of their creative mind as a room and let's take one of these singers that sings about one of these things like self-loathing or slitting wrists or something. So they're in this room and it's totally dark, and they have this candle in front of them and it's creating this light that they can only see like three inches in front of their face. They can only relate to those three inches in front of them which is their own little isolation bubble where they can't relate to anything beyond that because they don't know it exists. So they're so wrapped in themselves, writing about how much life sucks and how much it's unfair and about how much they've been mistreated. Or also things that are very self-righteous, like, 'I'm the best, this is how you do it,' things like that. There are those people everywhere, they're in high schools, they're parenting children, they're on their death beds... they're everywhere, you know? These people, I think, especially these artists are too wrapped up in themselves to realize that there might be a wall behind them with a light switch and if you flip that switch there's this whole room around you that illuminates. And for me, that's the world around me, that's everything. That's this tree, that's you guys, that's my family back home, that's this show, these people that are here, the people that are staying at this hotel. It's how it's cold and you're cold and I'm sorry that you're cold, you know? It's the world around you. Every morning I try to wake up and turn on the light, I try to turn on my creative room light to make sure that I'm always viewing the world in the way. I think if more people did that, a lot of things could change for people in their own lives and in other people's lives. That's one of the main things that I'm trying to convey, especially in our newest stuff that we're writing for the next record, so yeah, that's sort of something that people probably don't know about me or us. Jennifer: You're awesome, I decided that. Just now. What's the strangest voicemail or answering message that you've ever received? William: Received? I've given a lot of crazy ones. Probably the strangest one I've ever received... man, it's on the spot, you got me again. I'm tongue tied. Ohhh yeah, this is awesome! [everyone laughs] There was a point when I got a lot of prank calls when people hated me and stuff, it was that stupid, like... Jennifer: Jealousy? William: Kind of, but it was before I had really any success, it was just myself going for what I believed in. Since I was doing something different and not going for a screamo band or something, so it was a big deal when I was playing an acoustic guitar and singing melodies, so it was like 'What the hell?' It was a big uproar. So I got like crazy ones like, 'You're a faggot, you should kill yourself,' stuff like that. Jennifer: That's so mean! Jolene: That's terrible! William: Yeah, but it's awesome, though. No, for real! It's so funny, I know for a fact that that person has grown up and has seen me live by example and that I went for my dream and it's totally paid off, and it's going to pay off in the future more fruitfully than ever. Instead of me feeling anger and being like, 'Fuck that guy, I hope he's burning in Hell' or whatever, I hope that he realized that the way that he was living and the fear that he had about being his own person, I hope that he turned that around, so yeah, it's kind of funny. Jennifer: What about one of the funny ones that you've left people? William: Oh, man, there were some nights that I just called people singing crazy songs that I totally made up at four in the morning, I don't even know, man. I can't really get into too much detail, there were some wild ones. I do voices, I'll be like, 'Hey, yo-a, it's Johnny from over at Auto Repairing, I got your car and it's looking sweet.' [everyone laughs] I have this British voice and this gay voice and some other shit and it's hilarious, I would leave people messages like that and not tell them who I am. What's the last movie that you saw? William: Last movie? Oh, man, that's bad, that's terrible. I had a journal that I write on the website and I actually just talked about this. I'm on this weird horror movie kick right now, and I'm into crappy old horror movies right now. Not even old, like eighties or nineties. I don't recommend them to anyone, it's like Pet Sematary and From Dusk Til Dawn. Well that's like a Quentin Tarantino movie so that's actually a good movie, but the last movie I actually watched was House of 1000 Corpses. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: Oh, God. Jolene: Did you like that? William: I think it's great! For two reasons, alright. One, it's not original by any stretch of the imagination as far as a horror film, it's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets something vile, you know. It's basically like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets a strip club, that's what that movie is. But, BUT-- Jennifer: Oh, I want to hear the but, because I don't think there's any defending this movie. [everyone laughs] William: The way that the movie is edited and the way that the movie is shot, with the color contrast and the way that it looks is just fucking phenomenal. I think the movie is so cool purely because of the way that it looks and because of the cinematography of it, but I'm just a geek like that, those are the kinds of things I look for. But if we're talking about movies that are actually good, go buy Big Fish, it's a great movie. Jennifer: Is it good? I heard that it's really depressing. William: Did you? No way. Jennifer: I work at a video store and that's what everyone's told me, I haven't watched it. William: But those people that told you that mind be those people-- Jennifer: Oh, the close minded ones, yeah. William: The people with the light off! If you watch that movie it's so cool because it seriously confronts some issues like death and memories and relationships being parents and fathers and mothers and their children. I thought it was a really heartwarming movie, especially at the end. It's not this cheese fucking Hollywood ending that everyone wishes would happen but doesn't, you know, but yeah I think it's a great movie. Jennifer: Have you seen I Heart Huckabees? William: I have not, yet. Jennifer: It seems like a movie you'd like. William: I'm sure I would like it. Jennifer: It's kinda like, off the wall, it seems like one you'd like. William: My girlfriend got it and said that it was pretty cool and I'd probably like it. Yeah, I should probably get it. Jennifer: Yeah, I didn't like it that much. William: You didn't? Jennifer: I like my stupid girly movies. William: Like what? Like what? Jennifer:: Like, have you seen the Notebook? William:: I haven't seen that one yet! Jennifer: What?! It's so good. You will cry, I bet. William: I'm one of those dudes that cries in movies, like seriously. Jennifer: Everyone cries in that movie! William: Dude, I even cried in, this is so embarrassing, I even cried in A Walk to Remember. Jolene: Oh, I cried in that one. Jennifer: That movie is so sad! William: I cried like seven times in that movie ALONE, I was alone! I have a huge crush on Mandy Moore, too, like a Hollywood Crush. Jennifer: That one was really sad. William: But at the same time, you know, it's also very... Jennifer: No. William: You don't think so? Jennifer: No! She should've lived. William: But she did through him! She changed. Jennifer: I know, I know! But wouldn't it have been better if she just lived forever? William: Well, it's not Hollywood. Jennifer: I know! What's in your pocket right now? William: Like, seventeen cents in change and a guitar pic, and that's it. Oh, and my cell phone is in my jacket, if that counts. Jennifer: It counts! William: These are cool questions! Did you make them up, too? Jolene: No. [laughs] William: Maybe you should let her make some up next time! Jennifer: I tried! I was like, 'Jolene, help me think of some questions.' She said, 'We're going to do it on the way there.' Two and a half hours later, oh no, no questions. [everyone laughs]

What's in your CD player right now? William: I have an I-Pod. Jennifer: Well what's on your I-Pod that you're listening to a lot lately? William: I'm just going to be difficult. No, I have an I-Pod, sorry. [everyone laughs] I listen to tapes, I don't even have a CD player. No, uh, what am I like loving right now? I'm loving Ryan Adams right now. I'm loving Muse. Jennifer: Oh, they're so good! William: I was on this huge Muse thing and I totally forgot about it and didn't listen to it for forever. I listened to them again today and I was like, AH! I was like, [does Italian voice] yes, yes, yes, this is so good. [everyone laughs] I'm listening to a lot of Radiohead, I'm always listening to Simon and Garfunkel, I'm a huge Simon and Garfunkel fan. Prince, I'm listening to a lot of Prince, a bit of Bowie. It's sort of today's little shuffle encompassed, so that was that. What's the last concert you've went to, other than one that you've played at? William: Damn... I was at South by Southwest but I didn't see any bands, I was just wandering throughout the streets. Last time I was at a show, watching bands... oh, yeah! it was an acoustic show in Chicago, it was Bob Nanna from Hey Mercedes and Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack. They just played acoustic, it was really cool. What are some questions that you hate hearing in interviews? I probably should've asked you this at the beginning so I wouldn't have asked you any of them. William: [laughs] Yeah, right! There really aren't any questions that I really hate, I encourage tough questions. I enjoy people asking tough questions. Hard hitting questions or ones that are condescending because it's their right as journalists to ask those questions. I wouldn't ask somebody, 'What songs do you hate? And I won't write those.' No, I wouldn't ask anyone that, I would just write what I love and write what I want. So yeah, that's my answer. What's a question that you've been wanting an interviewer to ask you but they haven't? William: I haven't thought of one because with every interview, with a few exceptions, I've been asked new questions that I haven't heard before, like today for instance. That's enough for me to keep interested.

#the academy is #william beckett #2005 #interview #text #early 2005 #no specific date #mine

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