#i also will not apologise for any gay ramblings in it about any of the women

[humanblt]

i feel like i’m being dealt white damage every time i talk to non-pm fans and they use any variation/the original ayin grip meme bc it gets me like this and i’m trying so so so hard not to be annoying but also like,,,, DO THEY KNOW??? DO THEY KNOW?.????

[sandinmybed]

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

[colourme-feral]

Hi! Thank you so much for your translation notes on Living With Him, they've helped me enjoy this great show even more! I wanted to ask about one particular line that was confusing to me in context. Right after the forehead touch, Kazuhito says "If trying this out makes you uncomfortable, I'll be shocked." I am guessing the word "shocked" has more a meaning of upset or unhappy (as opposed to English where it primarily means surprised, which wouldn't make sense in this context) - is that right? And is there any more sense of what "this" in "trying this out" indicates?

Thanks so much!

Hi and thank you for the ask about this scene in ep 3 of Living with Him, @ginnymoonbeam!

Sorry for taking a while with this. I have to be a little honest and say that this conversation was a little tricky for me, so I'm going by what I think Kazuhito is saying and included some explanation for my thoughts on the exchange. Sorry for the extremely long and rambly response and I hope it does help!

For another response to this scene, @isaksbestpillow also received an ask about it!

That's why I said I wouldn't (kiss you)/that we wouldn't (kiss)* Even if you tried it and you felt gross about it, it would still be a shock to you. I mean, that's... You don't know/understand, do you? *I changed how I thought the translation would better suit the context of this conversation from my previous post on ep 3's translation notes.

Notes:

The meaning of 'this' in "if trying this out" would be about Ryota kissing Kazuhito.

'Shock' in this case does mean surprise, but in the negative sense. And now for the ramble about why that might be the case, since the line was not translated well by Gaga:

There are several points that I think need to be considered in understanding what is being said here.

Ryota has admitted that he's been trying to see if Kazuhito is interested in him and took back the suggestion that they kiss while claiming that was a joke, which he apologised for.

Ryota has been going hard on with the "you're perfect, but why don't girlfriends stick around?" agenda but doesn't seem to be showing any romantic inclination towards Kazuhito or that he is gay.

Kazuhito is gay and has come out to Ryota, who may not understand how hurtful he has been with his actions and words and still may not understand the effect of what he's said or done, especially since Kazuhito likes Ryota. He's also said to Ryota that even though he likes Ryota, he's simply letting him know and that nothing between them has to change.

Thus far, Ryota has been doing things that test his theory out without really considering how Kazuhito feels about it, or the consequences of his actions. If they were to kiss, I think it would change things completely because this is the one thing that Ryota has considered which friends don't do (for argument's sake, let's agree). What Kazuhito means by "it would be a shock to you" is that this is probably when reality will hit Ryota and he will be shocked by how far he's gone to find out the answer to his suspicions without thinking things through: He'd have kissed his friend just to check if his friend likes him and on top of that, he's probably straight and a kiss would be much harder to play off or take back.

Kare no Iru Seikatsu / Living with Him language notes・Other language notes

[ultradespairboyz]

This has been something I have been brewing for a long while now! Mainly because it really, really bothered me lmao

See, as iconic as Danganronpa is, the way they depicted a DID system is extremely problematic. I'm not a system myself but even I know the harmful stereotypes of "serial killer alters" and how DID is seen as something "scary" because of these harmful tropes. It is not something "quirky" and it is not something to be demonised. Depictions like these unfortunately lead to misconceptions about this disorder, which I once have had and have seen others have.

And thus, out of spite but also now full of love and passion, I have attempted a rewrite of Toko and Syo! My good homie @banooky (an actual system) has seen me ramble about this rewrite a number of times and has encouraged me to post about it here! Also give them a follow, they're really cool!

That being said, everything shall be under the cut!

First of all, for some context regarding pronouns and such, Syo is a male alter who uses he/him pronouns and is gay as hell. I do see Toko as being bi though!

Anyways, I obviously scrapped the serial killer aspect because that's gross as hell! Like what the fuck!!! That being said, Syo still was initially violent. Not because he's an "evil" alter but because he was a misguided protector who believed violence would protect the system, not realising it was actually stressing Toko out knowing "she" apparently attacked numerous people but not remembering any of it. Even seeing video proof and photos, she couldn't remember it and she was scared of herself for the longest time. They already had a shitty home life in the first place (I gesture towards the canon version of their backstory), so this behaviour only further aggravated their parents.

A lot of the time, Syo would fight (but not kill) those who tried to hurt Toko, whether it be physically or emotionally. He was also very angry at everything and everyone too, even yelling at Toko in their shared consciousness to "stay in line" and to "let him handle things" as he believed that this was the way to keep them safe.

Over time he does eventually become less violent, though he still is very quick to anger. Toko would do her best to supress him over the years once she had learned of his existence, though that did not work as he (and several other alters) would slip through the mental walls she'd attempt to put up against them. But what truly allowed Syo to calm down and reform was what I call a Naegi Intervention.

It had been a long time since he was able to front so the day he suddenly awoke and was front stuck the whole day, he was extremely disorientated. To the point he even put on the wrong uniform (and Toko had gotten both male and female uniforms because she did like the male uniforms but wouldn't have worn the male one in public, even if it seemed more comfortable than a skirt some days.)

Though despite the obvious confusion, most of the class assumed Toko (really Syo) was having an off day, though they were concerned. No one was close enough to Toko at the time though, so they were a little hesitant to ask if everything was okay. But through out the day, Naegi was the one who helped Syo around the school and even walked around with him to help him get his bearings under the assumption this was indeed Toko he was speaking to. The next day, Toko herself apologised and explained the situation to him out of fear Syo had done something terrible again but, Naegi was so confused. But he was indeed willing to learn and understand their situation! And, thus, Naegi became the first person they had ever trusted with knowing about their existence! Over time, Syo would grow less ans less hostile towards others and actually turned out to be a silly yet somewhat awkward kind of guy, though not afraid to speak his own opinion. He would even try to front more often just to speak to Naegi more and even started developing a little crush on him.

Ah but um. Speaking of crushes, Toko and Syo would make fun of each others tastes in men, especially once communication between the both of them becomes more easier. Syo desperately wants Toko to have better taste in men because she only ever goes after the red flags, but Toko thinks Syo's taste in men is boorrrinnngg— He would throw hands with her in their shared headspace over this but he can't bring himself to. If one ever sees them space out and it's not related to them being triggered, they are arguing over who's taste in better. /j

I'm also yet to think of who they would be specifically, but they would also have several other alters in their system! I wouldn't even be surprised if they had many, many introjects from not only the books they would read for comfort in their youth but also the characters from the novels Toko has written. But both Toko and Syo are simply the main fronters. And, hmm, I like to believe that due to Toko's creativity, they have a decent grasp of visualising their inner landscape. Initially, they would have perceived it as a dark set of rooms, but it eventually flourished into a cozy little village by the sea. It's sort of their dream place to be in, in the outer world. They'd love to live in a cozy house by the sea.

I also like to think that over time, they would have gotten comfortable enough with the rest of the cast that they'd allow them to know of their existence too, and be more purposefully covert in their switches. For example, when they have an idea of who'd be fronting for at least the majority of the day, they coordinate their clothing to be more masculine if Syo is the main fronter that day and to be more feminine if it's Toko. But on days they're less certain, especially if they're feeling like they may switch a number of times, they do have more easy to switch cues like their hairstyle (braids for Toko and ponytails for Syo) or bracelets if adjusting their hair turns out to be too much effort a particular day. It really depends on several factors. I also like to think that they also started living away from their family pretty young (and especially after gaining success with Toko's books), so this sort of coordination is safe for them now.

I also like to think that Syo would also get along with Mondo and would train with him too! I think it'd be cute as hell. I'm yet to think about their dynamic with other characters as of now, but I'll perhaps add onto this if I ever do! I'm.. not exactly that deep in the fandom these days anyway.

If I feel silly enough I may even draw this rewrite too!

[lynnbutlertron]

Fuck the drawing requests- WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE NEW EPISODES 👁️ 🫵 THEY ARE MARRIED

OH GOD… First of all thank you for asking thats so nice wtf.

SPOILERS BTW, OBVIOUSLY……. I apologise this is very geared towards ep 9 and mr b but he just means the world to me so.

I mean overall, I am so fucking happy they focussed on mr b for the “award winning” episode. The fact they completely fleshed him out actually reduced me to tears i feel so SEEN as like one of the only die hard mr b fans 😭😭😭 he is my everything.

I am obsessed with all of the different physical changes he went through (“whore” lynn is my personal favourite oh my GOD!!! expect me to draw him later). it’s such a happy surprise with the way they took his story, i have no problem with him being catholic and most of the things they introduced made me so happy and BOY WAS IT FUCKING HEARTBREAKING??? christ

But i am so unhappy they retconned the whole “mr b was there for the digging up of the clones.”

What happened???? What the fuck?? I loved the idea that young mr b was there helping him out. I get that they wanted the whole fridge-full-of-clones-mr-b-chooses-joan-and-they-immediately-connect thing to keep things simple visually and get the point across, but it would have been so much better if we saw something that actually related back to this picture. :( So sad

The only possible explanation i could think of is that the robot in the photo isn’t mr butlertron, but a different model of the butlertron robot that somehow stopped working and that’s why scudworth wanted mr b- for him to replace the old model that he had. Dunno!! I think that’s what i’m going to think of now but if you have a better idea do tell me!!

I’m also confused as to why his name isn’t lynn anymore? What? I’m still gonna call him lynn idc

Also mr b calling someone by their name had me SCREAMING!!!!! (now call scudworth cinnamon. Do it. Make it gay)

I really hope scud and mr b end up being joan’s foster dads… They are such a good family. And joan REALLy needs a stable family figure in her life, mr b is basically the closest thing she has to a dad. I really want to draw something with them (and i think i got an ask to do that, and i am so happy) so stay tuned tehee

Mr b is bisexual by the way i don’t give a shit. “I thought we agreed on 8 dollars and a hug” genuinely lives in my head and i will not stop quoting it. He is so. AGHDHGGHH. GGHH.. SOMEONE HOLD HIM (scudworth)

Scudworth being sincere to mr b is such a specific and sweet thing to me because he just completely mellows out and is so like… silly. Idk you don’t see him act any other way with anyone else EVER. Old gays for real. I don’t care it’s not a fucking friendship they are married. Hehe…

I don’t even need to say anything about the whole “i’m already in heaven” thing. I’m just so unbelievably happy that mr butlertron finally feels like he has someone he can trust and rely on… My brain has been reduced to mush via old gay men thanks so much clone high.

Also i’m in PIECES over all the kahlopatra moments. Cleo looks so much happier with frida then she ever did with jfk and abe and i :))))))))))) That makes me so happy. Gay love truly stays winning in clone high

That’s all i can think about for now… Although i’ve definitely missed stuff. Gonna go home and watch the episodes again to refresh my memory and then i’ll get to drawing.

i’m so sorry for the incoherent rambles… I LOVE CLONE HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kravisaweeb]

okay ive just been thinking about bkdk wayy too much recently (when am i not, though, honestly?) and i just Have to dump my thoughts somewhere. these are my own personal opinions and if you don't agree 100% (or at all) that's perfectly fine!

it's kinda Long and Rambly so beware lmao

so ive been reading more bkdk meta (of course) and like, i have so many conflicting feelings cause. y'all, no amount of evidence and logic and reasoning and thematic and narrative parallels and development and arc conclusions and build-up and Everything will make a weekly shonen jump main title gay. that's My opinion as a terribly bitter cynic, and it is in no way meant to rain on other people's parades (if you think they will be canon, you are more optimistic than i and are making the world a sweeter place). I've just been burnt too many times, i don't really expect anything from mainstream media At All—only indie content gets my unfiltered hype and hopes—and whenever things do shake up differently from what i thought, it's a nice surprise! cause the alternative is, This Mountain of Evidence and Development... and then oops get hit with the straightification beam on the last second.

"but it would be so unsatisfying! and completely out of nowhere! and just plain out of character! and ignore so much development! and it wouldn't make any sense at all with what has been established in the story!" Yeah. i know! im as angry and annoyed and disappointed about it as anyone. and yet, so many fucking times, that's how it goes. it would be terrible, and weird, and completely against everything that's been set up, and yet it would happen anyway. this is true even for things that are not shipping-related—ask game of thrones how it ended. cause executives are Executives everywhere, including the "west", which is """"supposedly"""" more liberal (lol, lmao). people with money that make all the decisions force creatives to comply, or fight with tooth and nail and blood and sweat and tears into allowing them to make the story they DO want to make. so it's really hard for me to see it in any other light, when i have seen it happen so many times before.

and yet.

And Yet. i cant help but think, but wonder—what is it all for then, anyway??

i can honestly say, taking off my shipping goggles for a moment, bkdks platonic relationship has ended. it really ended two years ago, culminating when bkg took a bullet for him, and then was cemented when he apologised, you know, to trample down any doubts. there we go, narrative concluded! from rival to best friend. all loose threads tied in terms of their relationship. if that's how it had ended, how it had stagnated, remained in stasis, with this New Dynamic the new canon going into the final battle then show over. yeah. typical shonen bestie stuff. it would have ended and i would have gone "oh they were in LOVE fr" forever, but knowing that people who were like "this is what besties are like! this is what siblings are like!" also had as much of a claim to their interpretation as mine (even if i didn't personally agree w it lmao)

BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE and i have to ask why???? WHY is it more central i Don't Get It. i dont understand? i really dont get it cause.... why? bkg is important to deku, yes. other people are also important to deku (all might, his mom, his other friends, civilians, any lost pet he has to kill himself over cause he is a Good Caring Shonen Protag). that has been established for forever. so i don't rly understand the necessity to further highlight that One part of his personality (caring about kacchan) to motivate him into fighting the Big Bad Villain, when 1. he would've fought the villain anyway cause that's what heroes do, and 2. it could have been a generic "you hurt my friends!!" and like lump in more people there, like in the first war arc where several people got hurt (aizawa, gran torino, etc).

but No! you hurt that guy. that guy, that while he was dying, the villain, textually, explicitly says, "i am hurting you because it will make deku angry and sad, since you are his most important person" (that's almost a fucking quote im basically QUOTING here). and it's like, what? lmao wait. what?? why???

what is it building up towards?? i dont get it. it's not going to build up to the apology/their relationship being mended (what we thought would be the climax of the whole thing), cause that already happened. there's no "oh my god if kacchan dies he'll never get to say sorry!" stakes, or "oh my god if deku fails he'll never be able to be friends with kacchan again!" stakes, cause like, that already did happen though. i mean i know obviously in real life, you do things for people just for their sake, not because of what it will mean for your narrative arc. but this is a made up story and thus needs storytelling reasons for shit to happen. so what is the reason for deku needing to be pushed, needing to be backed into a corner, over kacchan dying? why did bakugo have to die (had to get FRIDGED, it's a trope and everything), if not so that his death would fuel dekus rage (which we were told explicitly was the reason why)? why, out of everyone on the battlefield, out of everyone in the CAST, did it have to be bakugo, the one to make deku Lose It?

i mean we know why, but still. what? is it really, textually, canonically That?

i just don't get it. and secretly, deep deep inside, i really hope we get to find out soon

[singrate]

Charlie Spring is Also Autistic

A little while ago I made this post about Nick Nelson being autistic and got a handful of requests for one about Charlie because, well, obviously. So here it is.

First of all:

I'm sure you agree.

This post won’t be as long as the Nick one because quite frankly I am trying not to ramble. Once again referencing the webcomic and the series. 

TW: very brief mention of OCD & eating disorders

The Converse collection. And the knitwear collection. Even the skinny jeans. He always wears the same jumper/jeans or button up/t-shirt/jeans combination. I just know he rotates through wearing all of his jumpers because he doesn’t want any of them to be left out.

The jumpers are definitely a sensory thing, too — in the part about their wardrobes at the end of Volume 2 Alice mentions that he loves anything ‘snuggly and oversized.’

Both in the webcomic and the series, Charlie’s ‘misfit’ status is fairly important to his character, regardless of whether or not he’s popular. Even though he fits in well with his friends, there’s something that makes him quite distinctly different from everyone around him.

His special interests are indie/alternative music, classic literature and ancient history, especially Roman and Greek. 

Drumming is a stim for him. At the start of S01E02, right after that delightful encounter with Ben, and in the scene with Tori in S01E08, it’s fairly clear he’s using it as a way to process and release his emotions.

When he wears headphones on the bus… yeah. Stressed, anxious; much more likely to be overstimulated. 

Pattern recognition: he picks up pretty early on that Nick probably isn’t straight and nobody else around him believes him.

Mental illnesses like OCD and anorexia are commonly comorbid with autism.

His resting face. That’s all.

Actually, that’s not all. These too:

There's so many more of these but I don't have the energy to find screencaps for all of them right now. Also, getting home from school and immediately collapsing on his bed.

The wave in S01E01 and S01E06 when saying bye to Nick. Can’t find screencaps but you know the one.

And the little giggle after Nick tackles him and says, “Well done!”

His sense of humour is exactly the sort of offbeat sarcasm a lot of autistic people use. “Oh, she left, long ago!” (S01E01) (same vibe as Tori asking, “Was he a knob?” because obviously Tori is also autistic and I find the similarities between these two so wonderful), “I’m not hiding.” “Then what are you doing?” “Eating lunch.” (S01E01)

Saying sorry a lot. First of all, he’s not sure when it’s appropriate/necessary to apologise and when it isn’t. Secondly, it seems like a form of masking — he is likely aware of his tendency to miss social cues but doesn’t know which ones he’s missing and apologises as a way to compensate.

There is just something very autistic to me about the way he delivers his monologues — to Nick in S01E04, staring at the floor the whole time, hello??, to Ben in S01E01 and S01E08, just very impassioned and earnest, but still kind of monotone. Yeah.

A lot of his lines from the series that people (mostly on Tiktok) find cringe are just like… things that an autistic teenager would say? S01E01 after Nick’s pen explodes when he says, “You should make it the new school fashion!”, S01E01 when he’s confronting Ben: “Thanks for telling me. Oh wait… you didn’t”, “Why are we like this??”, the ‘gay panic’ lock screen, I’ll probably think of more of these later because Heartstopper Tiktok does not deserve Charlie.

Isolating himself when he’s struggling socially because dealing with anybody, even his close friends, is just too much. I think that one is fairly universal for autistic people.

Just want to add that Joe Locke did such a good job of bringing Charlie to life. His delivery is literally perfect and I will not ever shut up about this.

Anyway, feel free to add stuff!

[cluelessbees]

hii how do u think s5 will go down byler wise if u do have an idea cuz ik ppl have their theories n stuff but just wanted someone else’s opinion. personally I think el and mike r gonna confront each other and break up first, and I don’t think that mike is gonna get outed tbh. other ppl seem to be set on that but that’s just another super traumatic thing to happen to mike on top of everything, getting outed won’t make someone more open about it like if it happens at the wrong time that can be so much worse than staying in the closet. i know I would just run away and hide from everyone in that situation which I don’t think we want for mike. maybe that’ll be what pushes him off the edge tho and make him break down finally and get everything out

Hi hello! Thank you so much for the asks <33

I'm very sorry this is late :,D BUT IM HERE

Ooooooo okay hmmm I agree with you tbh! I don't think it makes sense for Mike to be outed by someone especially because it's just a very disgusting act in general but also especially in context of the 80s – with the AIDs epidemic it's scary for a gay man to be out. If anything! I think he might be "outed" to the audience with a Vecna scene but that's about as much as I think it would go.

I also agree that El and Mike will break up first! I would love for there to be a heart to heart between them where they open up to each other for the first time, and I don't know I want them to show that just because they're broken up doesn't mean they don't care for each other (also maybe the fact that they can love each other better now that they're just friends!)

What other predictions do I have hmmmm...well I have ideas but I don't think they count as fully fledged theories haha. Like– I do think the swings are gonna come back some how. And I think there's going to be a moment where everything is fully addressed between Mike and Will. Because up until now they haven't really addressed everything. They've been more tiptoeing around it. Yes Mike apologises for the past year but they never actively address why things are weird or the rain fight or any of that.

So I feel like there's gonna be a moment where everything is finally out in the open (because there's so much built up tension at this point) and it'll be this moment of relief and I feel like after it'll be more calm between them y'know? Like it's all fighting and then finally once its all out it's quiet and they can finally talk to each other about it all, no more secrets. And I would love for there to be a quiet kiss at first – like its almost anxiety inducing to watch them build the courage y'know? I wanna hold my breathe and then exhale once its over and see how happy and comfortable they are together.

But yeah I'm just rambling now haha

tHANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE ASK I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR REPLYING LATE ANON BUT KNOW I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH <33

[llitchilitchi]

tbh i have mixed feelings about ks being mlm representation, like on a surface level it could be considered that, but i think its too much a reflection or real horror stories around gay people? like especially considering the murder guy is straight, it represents more a story of a gay man as a victim of straight violence - i dont think this is necessarily bad, just for me its also not good rep of homosexuality in horror or sexual horror - especially since homosexuality is used quite a bit within sexual horror to condemn homosexuality, which i think could implicitly be represented through the stalker guy's obsession with the straight murder guy which ultimately leads to his sa and torture, as if he was asking for it (not that i think thats what the writer intended, just that it does reflect other aspects of queer sexual horror)

this is /nm ofc, just my interpretation ! sorry again if its a little rambly, media analysis is just like my favourite thing psksks

okay so I got this a couple days ago while we were discussing this and first I want to apologise for not answering this sooner, I've been busy, and secondly, as much as this conversation is probably over this is something that's been stuck in my mind since I first read it

this one gets heavy so this is a last warning for anyone to skip over this ask, we're talking about killing stalking here so all the tws that come with that will be discussed

I see where you're coming from! we do have to ask what we consider mlm/queer representation in media though. is killing stalking even mlm? one of the protagonists is gay, yes, but it isn't exactly Men Loving Men, it's a gay man being taken advantage of because of his infatuation with his abuser (who is straight).

besides, this is a psychological horror/thriller kinda story, so the sexual horror is somewhat expected, even if it is reflective of the horror real queer people undergo. it's something women go through in relationships with men, too, and there are several stories that are realistic-ish (the first to come to mind would be Jennifer's Body, and, in a way, Rosemary's Baby.) there are many stories that depict straight relationships like that and since I personally believe in 'stories with queer characters and same sex couples shouldn't be just pure and sweet and it's better like that, actually' it never was an issue to me that the main couple was two men.

the story also never came off as condemning homosexuality. while it was somewhat used against yoonbum it didn't read like the author herself was condemning him for being gay. the tone might have changed in the later chapters, if it did then that's just awful. but as far as I remember it was on the side of parodying classic yaoi tropes, as in pushing them to such an extreme it was the author more or less screaming at the readers THIS IS MESSED UP!! THIS IS WRONG AND NOT RIGHT!! NOT BECAUSE IT'S GAY BUT BECAUSE IT'S RAPE AND ABUSE!!

especially the intro, if Yoonbum was a woman the stalking would still result in abuse and rape, so I don't think it was intended to be read as 'if he wasn't gay this wouldn't have happened' cause hell, if Sangwoo was a woman the story would most likely read the same!

it does beg the question of why the author chose to write both protagonists as male, which I suppose, the best answer is 'why not?'

I get that writing these stories is tricky, especially with how people still view same sex relationships as either bad or as a fetish for them to indulge in (I'm talking fujoshi culture and straight men being into lesbian porn, for example), but I do feel like the best way to normalize queerness is writing any story with a queer character. including a story like killing stalking. (and before anyone comes at me with 'so you're saying that-' as long as it's not condemning them for being gay it's fine. as long as it's not saying All Queer People Bad it's fine. if the character is fucked up and gay then that's fine.)

tbh the only way I could see this story as being 'bad queer representation' would be if yoonbum was straight and sangwoo gay, tho I guess even that could be argued over. but you get what I mean by this, probably /genuine

[candyredterezii]

not to like. super defend boyfriends but they do have names (felix, adrian, kevin, and vincent) and the creator is a trans, nb, poc, poly, gay dude who decided to make a slice of life webtoon about his oc's. it isn't a fetish thing, its literally his ocs made to represent people like the creator. it gained massively in popularity and now it's deemed cringe and bad when there wasnt supposed to be any depth to begin with. its supposed to just be a fluffy, no brain just cute comic about boyfriends dating. also ray has apologised publicly for the bts p*rn, and hasnt drawn it in many years. not that that makes it any better but he doesn't actively draw it and has apologised

sorry for ramble

I havent read it so i cant say shit but from the content but yk if u do put shit out there people are gonna criticize it and it is is what it is

esp w the like.. choccy milk weird shit like yeah its gonna get mad fun of SKDJFG

and tbh the bts prn is imo a lil like... an apology doesnt just make it okay i think but like whatever i dont give a fuck its not media im consuming or a creator im touching so. AOSDFKGJ

[firstknightss]

GWAINCELOT ESSAY THREE???

[commentary voice] ah yes and this gwaincelot essay.... which turned into a fic was inspired by @nextstopparis and @little-ligi

GWAINE TEACHING LANCELOT HOW TO READ. and thats how they actually CONFESS.

imagine gwaine seeing lancelot trip up reading leon’s plan for the day, seeing him trying to understand it. and gwaines, hes a little in love. Hes. Hes a little hit with feelings for this Noble (tm) knight. So OF COURSE he CANT EMOTION and he tries to show his affection for lancelot without yknow being in ‘loVE’

he comes over with his swishy hair and bantery tone like “oooOhHh LANCELOT! Lancey! Hey! Hello! Can’t read leon’s goddamn awful handwriting huh?”

And Lancelots embarrassed and flushes red and gwaine thinks hes Fucked Up (and he really doesn’t want to fuck this up, this is the first time he’s actually felt emotions this deep for someone) and tries to fix it panickedly, like the Anxiety Clown He Is.

He keeps on saying sorry and apologising, and Lancelot, the EVER CALM KNIGHT GUY, goes “it’s fine, it’s okay. It’s nothing to do with you...” and then he hesitates. He HESITATES. “....it’s just that...” and then he BITES HIS LIP and gwaine thinks he might just faint there and then, “...i cant read.”

and now it hits him, gwaine, gwaine, who thought literacy was something trash and something he didn’t really need, realises how important it is. and so, yknow because hes kind of wrapped in those Emotions (tm), he pulls lancelot’s sleeve after practice, when they’re alone in the changing room. (and if lancelot wasn’t so tired and miserable, he would have easily seen gwaine BLUSH)

And he, shyly asks if lancelot wouldnt mind being tutored by him.

Now Lancelot is OVERJOYED, and he’s borderline CRYING because lancelot, poor old village boy lancelot who’d been kicked out of the knights of camelot, and had to become a MERCENARY and fight for masters who didn’t care for him, has NEVER HAD someone literally CARE about him so much. (Apart from Merlin. He loves merlin <3)

so now imagine lancelot waking up an hour early the next morning, and showing up into gwaine’s room. He knows gwaine literally doesnt sleep with a lock, so he just barges in, and starts shaking gwaine.

Now GWAINE sleeps like a Log (had so much shit going on irl, time to sleep it away) and when he opens his bleary eyes, seeing lancelot in one of his stupid v neck shirts over him, hes like “....h...helo??”

and lancelot’s all like. “We- werent YOU gonna give me reading lessons.” And gwaine nods, yawning (and in that moment lancelot thinks gwaine looks unimaginably cute, so cute that he wants to literally ruffle gwaine’s hair and run his hands through how silky and brown it is.)

THEN gwaine pulls on the dont care-ish mask, and makes his arms into a pillow under his head, as he leans against the wall behind his bed, in some kind of somewhat???flirty??? manner??? [i dont...i dont know what hes trying to do. On the other hand! Not does Lancelot :) ]

Lancelot, does not realise this is gwaine’s poor attempt at flirting - since he’s seen gwaine ACTUALLY flirting and this is like. Nothing. And its also poorly executed. Which is NOTHING like gwaine.

So he pulls gwaine’s arm, and half hauls him out of bed.

As gwaine’s head crashes into lancelot’s stomach, he can smell lancelot’s clothes. They smell of flowers, and cotton and everything so natural and gwaine, who literally smells of wine, and wood and Tavern. (And aftershave, or the 500AD equivalent)

[see here, see im trying to bring themes of dionysis okay. OkayyyyyyyyY. yours truly likes looking at greek mythology. And both these two complete dionysis]

Gwaine, in his sleepy stupor, nestles his head on Lancelot’s hip, who gives a sigh and stands there. One hand clutching gwaine’s, leaving the other free.....

....to rake through his soft, flowy brown hair. And twirl his fingers through its waves, and Gwaine cuddles in further.

And since Lancelot left the door open, Leon (the other bitch who wakes up at 4am to do idk nothing) sees them two...like that, illuminated by the SUNLIGHT behind them, and smiles a little.

And then he trips over the stairs, the moment is lost.

Gwaine and Lancelot pull away at the same time, and gwaine’s face turns back to “ha ha im a Jerk (tm)” and if he wasnt too busy trying to hide how flustered he was, he’d see Lancelot looking at him the way he used to look at GWEN.

They both blink and look at each other, understandingly, neither of them to speak of this again.

And then Gwaine drags himself out of bed, and Lancelot raises his eyebrows as he watches him (totally not checking him out) haul out a book from his cupboard.

Gwaine’s too sleepy for this, he keeps yawning and rubbing his eyes (looking like a cat, Lancelot notes) and Lancelot takes a deep breath, his eyes understanding.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“Lancelot, I love..” he bites his tongue, cursing his half asleep mind “..doing this, and love hanging out with you...I just cant stay up this early.”

Reading lessons, from now on, are at 1:30am-whenever Gwaine and Lancelot stop rambling about Odysseus and Circe and Telemachus

[i dont know any other ancient books apart from like. Ancient greek/Roman ones. So i guess. Its not historically accurate,,,,BUUIT this is a fanfic for a pair who had like no scenes together SO i think i can take some ✨creative liberties✨]

Lancelot has heard of the journey of Aneas from travelling bards, singing songs in his native old english. Gwaine’s eyes are quick at latin, and he learnt the flaws of Romulus and Remus in his pure latin. Gwaine’s a good teacher, and lancelot is a quick study, and it’s not long before they’re arguing over which Goddess caused the most harm in the Illiad.

Gwaine’s never met someone who he could reveal that he loved reading to, he loved doing.

Lancelot’s never met someone who he could tell he couldn’t read, and ask if they could teach him, love learning.

They make it work.

The other knights notice, of course they notice. Percival notices how Lancelot stumbles into the Gwaine’s room at night, bright eyed. Elyan notices Lancelot and Gwaine’s voices from Gwaine’s room opposite him; sometimes slow, Gwaine speaking slowly and Lancelot following; sometimes heated and passionate.

(They’re arguing. They’re arguing about how to pronounce Minerva)

Merlin finds the two, in the early hours of the morning - when the birds are figuring what song they sing today - on Gwaine’s bed.

Gwaine leaned against the bedframe, his trousered legs splayed over the sheets. Loosely braided, long brown hair fell over his closed eyelids, his mouth in a small smile.

And Merlin follows his arm draped over Lancelot, snuggled beside him, his head on his broad shoulder, every breath of wind pushing against curly black hair, making it almost /bounce/. His eyes are covered by the other man’s hair, and he looks...content. More content than Merlin has ever seen him.

He slips out as quietly as he came in, and smirks, hes gotta tell arthur they finally got their shit together oh GOD

Its no surprise to anyone but them, when Arthur pulls Lancelot out of training, and into his chambers.

“I’m glad you’ve found someone Lancelot.” He starts, his face geniune, his voice giving away hints of relief. (He thought he was never going to see his knight smile again after all the ordeals that had happened to him)

“Oh...” Lancelot’s heart sinks, “...how did you find out, Sire?”

Arthur blinks, taking in the change of mood in Lancelot, maybe it wasn’t anything important, maybe they were trying to keep it casual, hell they didnt want the king knowing.

“I- uh, I just noticed...” Goddamnit Merlin, and Goddamn his need to tell him everything he saw. (Merlin had advised him not to do this, as they sat on his bed after a long night. This was really his fault.)

Lancelot pales, and he places his hands down on the table beside him, palms slapping stone as he did so.

“Well, I guess I should tell you the whole truth then,” his voice is quiet, and Arthur steps closer, “Sire I am not of Noble birth, and was born in a village - as you know.”

Arthur nods, his arms crossed, but his Kingly Bravado fell away at the sight of his knight, and one of his closest friends, being this vulnerable.

“Yes I know, but what does this ha-“

“And we children in the village we-“ he falters, “-we were never taught to read.”

“Yes, no I understand, I-“ he pauses, Lancelot’s words hitting him a bit too late, this was about literacy?

This, this whole conversation was about literacy?

Not being gay?

Merlin was going to have a field day

“Sire?”

“I understand Lancelot, and is this why you feel a little out of place with the other knights?” He carries it on, with a smile, he has a few questions to ask merlin.

“Yes, and that’s why I asked Gwaine to tutor me from time to time, although, the sessions carry through late into the night, which may have been affecting my performance at practice. I’ll have you know that this is a temporary th-“

“It’s fine Lancelot,” Arthur places a hand on his shoulder, “You are still exceptional at practice,”

“Thank you Sire,” Lancelot twinkles.

✨

“Theyre, theyre not together?” Merlin cant stop laughing, tears streaming down his face, “theyre not TOGETHER?? oh my God arthur what did you DO”

They sit together on Arthur’s bed, drinking wine from stemless cups together, with Arthur recounting the events of the day; red faced.

“I mean, it was your idea Merlin.”

“I just saw them, and I assumed...I didnt...I didnt think youd ASK them.”

“What do you think I’d do then?? Let them be on their merry way.”

“Yes!”

✨

“Do you like me?” Gwaine asks, unexpectedly, one night, the moon vibrant against the loud sea.

“You’re...tolerable...” Lancelot says, a smile tugging at his lips, as the silver moonlight falls against his hair, a halo around him.

✨

The knights give them the look every morning, as the two of them stumbled out of the same room, more frequently than ever.

Sometimes Lancelot would throw on Gwaine’s shirt, when he’d crumpled his own beyond repair. Sometimes Gwaine would put some of Lancelot’s hair oil on, when his hair was frizzy.

They gave each other knowing looks when Gwaine and Lancelot started whispering and giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls.

✨

And then Stupid gwaine had to go get fucking stabbed, and their delicate dance was like trying to waltz through a minefield.

Lancelot clutches onto Gwaine’s arm as Merlin feels his forehead with shaking hands.

“He’s burning up.”

“Infection...?” Lancelot sounds broken, and nods, fumbling with his pack to find some bandages.

It was just a simple quest; a save the day, get the girl, do various harmless shenanigans type of quest.

He’d half expected Gwaine to get the girl, and he cant help but give out a half choked laugh. Gwaine had no idea what hit him when she turned out to be the evil one all along.

He tries to forget that Gwaine showed no interest in her, he tries to forget that Gwaine’s been less frequent at the Tavern, he tries to forget that he hasn’t seen Gwaine with anyone since months now.

Gwaine, his beautiful Gwaine was lying on his lap, hot red blood rushing from his side, staining his polished chainmail with dark, sticky blood.

He’s been out for nearly an hour now, and Lancelot remembers carrying him, through the entire forest, forgetting his sword and his helmet and just grabbing Gwaine and getting the shit out of there.

Gwaine’s lack of self preservation was really rubbing off on Lancelot nowadays.

Merlin watches as Lancelot holds back tears, his own eyes stinging. Gwaine can’t die like this, he can’t die like this....

“hælan beorn adl”

Merlin’s eyes flashed gold, and Lancelot could feel warmth coming back into the fingers he was grabbing.

He was coming back.

And then the weight of everything hits him.

He was in Fucking Love.

✨

“Hey.” Gwaine’s voice is rough from disuse, but Lancelot nearly sobs when he hears the voice.

“Don’t fucking do that to me again, amor meus.” He puts his head down on Gwaine’s chest; finding the hammering of his heart calming.

He shimmies onto Merlin’s bed, which Gwaine had been lying in for the past few days.

“Did you mean, ami meus?” Gwaine sounds tired, too tired to be awake.

“Huh? Did i say something else?” Lancelot decides to play dumb, a sparkle in his eyes,

“I thought I heard amor meus,” Gwaine pushes his nose into Lancelot’s hair, taking in the wonderful smell of coconut.

“Well then, at least your hearing’s okay, amor meus.”

Gwaine gulped, and was sure Lancelot could hear his loud swallow.

“Lancelot, I hope this isnt a big joke with me teachin you latin and all,” Gwaine’s voice is a little wobbly from the slee deprivation and the magic and the pain numbers, “because I’ll have you know that I really love you, and I cant go on like this any longer,”

“Its okay Gwaine, I learnt latin from the man I love, of course it’s not a joke.”

“The man you love? Who’s tha-“

Realisation hits him like a brick.

Oh.

Oh.

“Me?” His voice cracks, and Lancelot looks up, a smirk on his face.

“Of course dumbass.”

“Like I’m meant to know that,” Gwaine tries to keep his dont care-ish aura, but they both know he’s too exhausted to keep that up.

“mmm?”

Gwaine kisses him on the nose, and he wraps himself around him.

And thats how Merlin finds them later that day, eyes blinking as he stood there.

✨

“I’m glad you’ve found someone, Lancelot.” Arthur coughs.

“Is that what that whole talk was about???”

“Answer the question.” His words sound harsh, but he’s barely hiding a smile.

“I’m glad too, I’m Glad I found Gwaine too.” Lancelot blushes, turning to gwaine.

“Why are you asking anyway, Princess?”

“Oh just, making sure this time.”

[barnabyleeofslytherin]

Now I know this one'll come as a shock to everyone(haha), but I don't post on this blog much anymore. And I know very well that I don't owe any of you apologies or really explanations for that manner, since, as I'm sure you're all aware, JKR isn't a very good person, and it's reasonable to assume that, many people would wanna distance themselves from her and her work after some not-so-recent thing's she's said and done.

But I would still like to simply come out and generally share the reasons why I'm not quite as active on this blog as I may once have been. I'm on mobile and I haven't slept for about 24 hours(it's around 6am), so I apologise for mistakes and formatting;

First and foremost, I, the Mod, am a gay man. I had started this blog almost as soon as Hogwarts mystery came out (some time around May of 2018 iirc, when I was graduating highschool), and back then I was maybe one of a small handful of gay men in the entire fandom. Back then, being what felt to me, like the only gay man surrounded by a sea of heterosexual and bisexual women felt very alienating to me. I had wanted to interact with people who, like me, were also gay men. I was happy to interact with people who viewed themselves to be women too, of course, but I was often made uncomfortable by these individuals due in part to them being very pushy towards me about how they wanted to date Barnaby.

Second, I'm a Trangender Man. Regardless of if JKR really actively despises my specific group in the transgender community or not, isn't up for debate. She's expressed her opinions on Trans Women, and I stand with my trans siblings(the transgender version of TERFS excluded, I believe they're called Transmeds?) Because of this, I cannot in good conscious, continue to support JRK or the Hogwarts franchise as a whole.

Third, I'm in my early 20s now. When I made this blog, I was a few months off of graduating high school, and a whopping 17 years of age. I'm going to be 21 in less than a month, and I wholeheartedly believe Barnaby and Co. to be children. Hell, they're around 16 in the game now last I'd heard, and while the legal age of consent in Alberta Canada states that 16 year olds can date up to 5 years older, I still cannot force myself to see these children as anything but children. I've lived a lot more life since I first played the game, there's such a gap of life experience between me and an 18 year old of today. These kids are barely older than my little brother. And with there being so much focus on the romantic aspect of the game(again, from what I've seen), I can't comfortably continue playing. (<- Read through it again and I wanna add on to this, I just do not find children attractive in the slightest, as I'm a normal person, who rightfully hates p*dos, and I will block anyone who claims it's okay to be romantically attracted to a child. From a survivor of childhood s*xual ab*se, it's not okay.)

Fourth, my interests and life have changed a lot since I was 17. I'm not interested in Harry Potter anymore, I'm not interested in working with animals anymore. I still love animals, but it's not a career path I want to work. I'm hoping to be a Certified Embalmer within the next year and a half. I just want to pursue adulthood, and become healthy again. I'd even started seeing a therapist before the pandemic to work though my survivors guilt and more. There's a new addition to my family coming later this July(child of my cousin), and one of my Uncles was found dead at 35 literally yesterday (June 20th 2021). I need to be here for my family, and running this blog when I was still active had become a chore.

Sometimes when I get a new notification from this blog, I'll consider deleting it, but this blog was a major part of who I was for about a year. I don't want to just delete it and act as though Harry Potter and the blog weren't major parts of my life, because they were, but they aren't anymore. I plan to leave this blog up, but not use it anymore, as I'd been doing for however many months by now. I will still follow some of my old friends who I'd met through the fandom, because I appreciate the friendship they provided me.

Thank you for bearing with the bone tired, and likely nonsensical ramblings of an almost 21 year old ex-RPer. I mean no harm nor offence to anyone with this post (except jkr) and I genuinely wish everyone still here all the best.

I will be scheduling this post to repost every 6 hours for the rest of today and tomorrow (June 21-22), sorry if it clogs your dashes, I'll tag it with "Scheduled post" for you to block.

~Mod Bennett, the only mod of this blog.

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

[botheredbuck]

hi i love your writing, could you talk about trans!callum pls that bc owns my entire heart.

y'all really know how to make me ramble huh

(of course!! honestly trans cal owns my heart too. and thank you im so glad you like my writing!!)

okay so i can't remember if ive talked about this before but i actually have this hc that callum went into the army in the closet. like when he enlisted he signed up as a 'woman' even though he knew he wasnt (he didn't like,,, know he was trans yet i think because he didn't have the terminology for it growing up around his family but he knew he wasnt 'like other girls' so to speak) because at that point enlisting was just about getting away from his dad, and running away from the problems he had at home. and then he meets chris in the army and like, chris figures him out pretty quickly and like asks callum about it except he freaks out. but like him and chris get talking and they get really close, and chris starts to kinda talk to cal about queer stuff and like casually slips in about trans people and instantly callum is just like - that's right. that's - that's what i think i might be. and so like they go from there and callum is just 'h' to chris (because he hasn't picked out a name he liked yet) and when it's just them callum's 'he' and all that. and like that's why chris only calls callum 'h' in his letters to his sister because he doesn't want to disrespect callum by saying his deadname but he doesnt have another name so he's just 'h'

and then when callum leaves the army it's his fresh start. its his new life and he's headed to walford and he's callum

oh and mick first finding out though!! so obviously when they first meet it's kinda under,,, unfortunate circumstances so callum is very much just halfway but they kinda get to know each other again and mick's noticed he's been acting weird and stuff so he sits him down and kinda asks callum how he's been, how life's been and stuff as a kind of casual way of asking about things. and then he refers to callum with his deadname and callum just says actually, that's not me any more. and like its an accident when he first says it and he freaks out because the carters and the vic is about the only safe place he has left and he thinks he's ruined it and he tries to leave but mick just makes him sit down, makes him a hot chocolate and asks him to explain because i ain't no whipper snapper any more, kid, i got an old brain, you gotta spell things out for me and like callum very almost doesn't, like tries to shrug it off but mick just lays a hand on his arm and smiles and it feels like home and if callum cant be himself here then where can he?

so he tells mick about all these feelings he's got, about this bloke he met in the army who told him all these things that he thinks might explain a lot and mick's just quiet and let's callum ramble and when he's done he just stands up and pulls callum into a hug and just says in his ear you know I'll always love you, son and callum cries, and mick freaks out because he thinks he's done something wrong and callum's just like happy tears, happy tears

wow uh im a little emotional after that one oops

ooh and also another thing like,,, ben finding out!! idk if ive talked about this before but like bear with me okay. so in my head with trans cal their first kind of,,, being together so to speak goes a little differently so ben doesn't actually know that callum's trans until like after they get together

and callum's completely freaked out about being intimate. because we all know ben's got a bit of a reputation right, when it comes to partners and stuff. and callum's freaking out because he has no idea whether ben's ever been with a trans guy before and like, not even just intimately like just in general, because it sucks but there's a lot that comes with being trans and being trans in a romantic relationship.

so cal doesn't actually tell him for like a while until they start talking about being intimate and they're kissing and callum just like blurts it out and then freaks out and just runs away.

and like he ends up hiding at the park bench for ages bc he just can't face ben because hes convinced himself that the second ben found out he was always gonna run. and like callum's got all these feelings for him already that he doesn't wanna say but he just can't bear to lose him yet so he's just sat on their bench freaking out until ben comes and finds him and just sits next to him and they're both just quiet for a bit until ben says i thought id find you here. think we kinda claimed this bench, didn't we? and callum just like smiles a little and then ben says you know it doesn't bother me, right? i like you because you're kind, and because you're handsome, and because somehow you have the willpower to put up with my bullshit and callum just looks at him and asks how can it not bother you? you're gay and ben says yeah i am. and youre a man. and im a man. think that's pretty gay, dont you? and callum just laughs because he can't help it and then he apologises for running off and they talk and ben just holds him and aw its cute!!

but yeah ill leave it there but thank u so much for the ask!!

ask me about my hcs!!

[binch-i-might-be]

hello hello I just got back from running some errands (yes, one of those errands was just to get energy drinks✨) and I had some Thoughts in the car, hope y’all are excited lmao

so. I’m german.

and I really wish we had some more umbrella terms regarding the lgbtq community, plus inclusive language. every fucking word here is gendered! and we don’t really have neutral pronouns just “occuring” in the language, like “they/them” in english.

that’s not what I want to talk about, tho.

if you know me, you know I go on about being a lesbian all the time lmao

I... don’t like that label in german.

I only say I’m lesbian in english, even though I actually still prefer to say I’m gay.

I rarely ever use “Lesbe” and “lesbisch” in german, I mostly say I like women, or I’m homo, and I wish I had another option.

I wish we had an umbrella term like “gay”, but we only really have “schwul”, which is for mlm, and “lesbisch”, which is for wlw.

both of those have been used as slurs, or just to be derogatory, similarly to how “gay” was used for a long time, and while “schwul” was used to describe annoying and stupid things, “lesbisch”, well...

honestly, that was mostly a term used to attack a girl not performing femininity properly. being told as a gender/sexuality confused twelve year old that “oh, you don’t like that piece of media or that traditionally female hobby? bist du ne Lesbe oder was?” is uh not great!

it’s othering.

kids and teens used that term to shame female presenting individuals who weren’t about their specific flavour of femininity, and adults just blatantly sexualised it.

the sheer amount of times I’ve been to parties or gatherings and met some dudes, came out to them in one way or the other, mostly to discourage any flirting, and have them go,

“Ooooh ne Lesbe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)🥵” is staggering tbh

like sir. avert your disgusting male gaze. wlw are not here for you to lust after.

also - Kampflesbe. translates directly to “fight lesbian” (sorry lmao I’m trying my best here)

that’s basically a term for butch women, or just, you know, women that seem intimidating. doesn’t matter if you know her sexual orientation or not.

I’ve never heard that used in a positive context, and I don’t know if anyone has reclaimed it?

I guess it would be similar to “dyke”. I wouldn’t mind being called that! if anyone ever unironically called me a fucking Kampflesbe I think I would throw hands tho lol

my friends have called me that jokingly, and it’s funny! because I’m gay and ready to throw down!

but anyway. this is super rambly and I apologise. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest :)

tl,dr: the german language doesn’t have a lot of terms for the lgbtq community, and many of the terms it does have are tainted for some people.

[adziedoodle]

hey........so uhm. this is going to sound stupid but i dont know who else to talk to abt this??? so uh. ive been identifying as pan for a while now because i do find myself being attracted to people but at the same time,, i dont want a romantic relationship? i just think theyre neat . so ive also called myself aromantic a few times and i just??? dont know if that makes any sense.......and im just really confused :( sorry for rambling

hey!! not stupid at all! no need to apologise either! sexuality is a lot!

personally, I don't feel comfy deciding a label for you but the experience you described having did remind me of the label 'lithromantic' and what folks define it as! might help you figure some stuff out but please remember labels are just guidelines or a way to find community/comfort or even just communicate the complex feelings inside -- not anything that's meant to make you feel trapped ☺ and you can always fluctuate given the context (i.e. in some contexts I'd say I'm a lesbian, in most situations I just say gay/queer...in more intimate convos I'll say I'm ace... and sometimes i mention I'm all three! it really depends who I'm talking to / what I'm talking about!)

that all said, it's totally possible you could say you are pan and just... not want to engage further! after all, your feels are totally still valid and real regardless of whether you engage in any of the behaviours that usually come with attraction - like having a romantic relationship! ☺

i hope this helps anon ♡ lots of love to you this pride month!