#i always feel bad for not playing with people on online its a huge reason i avoided it for years (outside of my ither anxieties)

[yuseirra]

hope youre doing better :(

after the stuff with projmoon snowballed into... wildly gesturing at the witch hunts... yeah, it makes complete sense to just be so. distraught, over it all.

i hope one day you can feel safe to be on twitter, especially given how much of a big network it was for artists, or be able to find a new network that is just as good. and i hope you stay safe, and find comfort in p3r, given how soon it is to release :)

your art has always been really soft and beautiful, and just. i love the way your colouring works? especially after learning it is all individual strokes? between those, and the comics which are always a delight to read, even when i have no idea what the media its about is...

please stay safe

Hello anon!// I'm so happy you care about my feelings and your message is very considerate, I'm glad I could put out my feelings in words and have so many of you show care for me. It's kind of sad, on how there's people giving out the pain and they are really not the ones being affected by how I feel, whereas, I'm making a lot of people who care for my welfare worry but that's pretty much how everything goes all the time... I wish it weren't that way. I've been trying very hard to look at the good sides and remain cheerful and retain hope and be loving, as I could. However it's been a little hard lately kinda, it's been affecting me in a really bad way and I could feel it crawl up my skin so I had to let something out in order to allow me some breathing space. In order to be a good yuseirra (which I want to be) I know I have to be true to myself.

Before I begin anything, everyone's been so kind to me and I respect that. I don't hold any grudge against someone who mistreated me in person because there were none (which is what I consider to be a miracle!). To be honest, I had no reason to discard my decade old account with so many fond memories if looking at a personal standpoint. Still, I kept getting agonized because I kept encountering so many of these toxicity and cruelty being thrown at people, I wanted to do something about it but online's just not the place to go. There's always this huge-,, risk of being misunderstood here, harassed, being slandered, and being broken apart into pieces and people aren't willing to listen to each other, a lot of them jump straight into conclusions and they are so eager to decide and go strike as hard as they can because mildly put, they have something on their minds that they think are important and are very just in their own way. It may be nothing new, but it's grown in such a huge scale where I originate to the extent I just don't think it's all right to overlook. It's not fine. It's really, really bad. It's been dragging me down, so draining, making me lose hope on internet and how well it can be used as a medium to communicate, which is an idea I don't want to carry in my heart for so long...

It's a bit like treading on ice on a constant basis. I have to be very careful with my words all the time. I think I did "alright" myself (I can never be sure but I try) but seeing things happen is another thing. That alone put me in so much pain. It feels like talking to a wall. I wouldn't say I feel exactly helpless about it, but I did feel like I wasn't going to help anything the way I am now. What should I do? What could I do? I kept thinking about it, I never want to add on to that kind of behavior or add some kind of momentum to it. I won't contribute to it. I am thinking about what I can do. '-')9

Distraught.. I do think that's the word. Hehe, remember how when you're overlevelled in tartarus and you can encounter some shadows, that are all distressed? I've been playing p3p again, and it made me think about how I was feeling a little. "Distressed".. I am very distressed. And I can't say I like what's happening around me, it's not a pretty sight to look at. Overall, I am disheartened and sad.

But that doesn't mean I'm weak, or that I'm some underlevelled shadow waiting to be exterminated, oh no I'm not weak at all. It's because I am a sensitive person who cares a lot. I'm hurt because I care enough to want things to be better.

I have amazing anons and friends who've been supporting me, so I think I'll be okay in the long run. I was so happy from the messages I got yesterday and it once again helped me realize there's a lot of warmth and good in this world and that people are willing to help each other out, it's a faith I want to keep and you guys give it to me. I'm glad I can meet all of you!///

Mhm! It's a shame I stepped out of the platform but I'd like to reach more people through my art, I still have a ways to go in terms of improvement, but art's been a way to communicate with more people for me. Rn I'll take a good rest, and find comfort, recharge a bit and I'll be able to be the person I want to be/share my good sides as a human being! When you're very sad or strained, it's a lot harder to do that and some parts of you that you don't want to show off keeps rubbing off out of your words and actions. It's tragic and embarrassing when that happens...

no one is perfect. I wish people can be kinder to one another, because from what I've learned through the ages, yeah there ARE people that are irredeemable but they are the minority!! Most people want to be understood, and they have something going on that you don't really understand from your own perspective. You don't know what another person is going through, so how can you judge someone so quickly? I don't think I'll be able to do that even if I had the ability to read minds. Which is (by that I mean the mind and human psychology)a subject I was always so intrigued about. The more I learn about it, it's very complex and delicate, sometimes it tends to be foolish; but yet, aren't we all since we all are human after all?

This grew so long but I have to comment towards your compliment towards my art ;v;.. I'm glad I draw whenever I find someone who shows it a lot of affection and looks at it with much care, thank you for using those tender adjectives to describe my drawings.. "soft", "beautiful", I love it!/// Now I can see my own art that way as well! thinking yeah, that kind anon earlier, they said my art was soft, yes it's soft indeed.. hhhsh and that's wonderful.

I also want to say, I do put a lot of thought into my comics when I write the dialogues for them.. I read them over a lot to see if they make sense and have some sort of unity that wraps them all together as one! Usually I have some feeling I want to express, and a lot of the times I want to show what and how these two characters feel towards each other(on many occasions if not most, they care for one another) through it and I'm glad to know it's been giving you delight even regardless of what the original material is!! I'm glad I could make something fun even for someone who isn't familiar with the fandom too!

I will be happy to share more with you anon, recently, I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll with art! I am getting better and I think my art is growing over the years. I look forward to showing you and the others more things, so will you be here with me? :) I'll be happy to have you here!

I'll try my best to stay safe! Indeed, my choices earlier was to do just that '-')9 I want to be with you all for a long time.

See you around anon!!

Sincerely yours, Yuseirra

[its-blip-on-the-radar]

I was curious, are you in any fandoms? Or in general like a thing a lot.

oooohkay so. I'm not in any fandoms really, I don't watch online media enough to really say I'm in a fandom

HOWEVER

I am a HUGE science nerd. Especially about biology. I am constantly researching animals and their behavior especially with ocean animals and reptiles. I also really love insects. I'm planning to have a reptile/insect keeping room one day because I love them so much. I have literally told my girlfriend I rather have a blue tegu than a dog. I don't really like furry things all that much if I'm being honest, I relate a lot more to the types of animals people claim are unable to love. Like yeah they probably don't get the burst of oxycotin that humans get about things, but getting a lizard or snake to trust you enough to be held without pitching a fit is amazing!! They're demonized so much in media and I adore them. My main special interest is also sharks so take that for what you will. I relate a little too much to animals that people make out to be "evil".

I also have a big interest in psychology. My brain is ten different levels of fucked so I kinda like doing research into how brains normally function or hell, even how my brain functions. Like the fact that people with schizophrenia are (I think) 80% more likely to experience insomnia than the average person! I just thought I was bad at sleeping but no there's a reason for it! But I'm also a big fan about the science behind human sexuality. I won't get too into the facts of it cuz a lot of it is NSFW, but looking a the science behind getting it on and how it affects the brain and how fetishes and kinks form, ITS SO COOL. I also collect vintage erotica and gay porn because of this gkjdkjlkfldkgl.

I also just generally have a big love for queer history, learning about the aids crisis and the struggles that our community has faced but also just the fact that we've ALWAYS been here... It makes me feel less alone.

And like the last main thing I'm into is spirituality type stuff. I'm actually a certified pagan priest irl, but my disabilities and life circumstances have made me need to take a really big step back from the work I've been doing. But I've always fueled my work in this with the fact I have seen SO MANY people do it the wrong way, that I want to be a guiding force in doing it the right way.

Besides that, I'm really big into the punk anarchist scene, I like the vulture culture community on tumblr here and have a few specimens myself, I build legos and models a lot, I like art (obviously), I'm learning how to do leather, metal, and wood working, and also building costumes or restoring old clothes/shoes. I like music and singing a lot now that my voice has dropped from testosterone, I play Minecraft and the Sims a lot in my free time, I'm not big on video games but I'm trying to get into TF2 again. I'm getting pretty good at the Pokemon Trading Card Game, as well as Magic the Gathering (Magic is much slower than Pokemon TCG if I'm being honest, that game is complicated.)

To be honest most of what I watch on youtube is documentaries, food reviews, and reddit videos, haven't found any youtubers I'm particularly into. Honestly, I spend most of my time scrolling through tumblr and listening to rock music because I'm two weeks away from finally getting to go home after getting stuck in Texas for seven months and I'm kinda stuck in wait mode. Hopefully once I'm back in Chicago, I'll be doing a lot more hobby wise. I might even share some of it here if I get my old camera back.

But yeah, that was a big old ramble, I know it's weird for me to be on the fandom website and not be in any fandoms but it honestly takes a LOT for me to get into series of any kind. 100% of the series or fandoms I'm "into" it just cuz I have an alter from their source. Either way I hope this accurately answered your question! I appreciate being sent stuff a lot!

[sandwichfordinner]

YIPPEE MATCHUPS! I hope you're having a good day! Just to let you know- it might help to have your masterlist pinned to the top otherwise people might not be able to see it! (Unless it is an I just can't see if for some reason... ✌️live laugh love) ANYWAY. YES. IDV. I have no hunter/survivor preference!!!

I am nonbinary and pan, no preference. Im tall- like 5'10 or something, brown eyes, dirty blonde usually long and fluffy with short bangs but I'm thinking about getting it layered short. my style varies, often I either dress quite formal and smart (smart trousers! Blouses and collard shirts! Sweaters!!!) But if im not going out i'll switch to a lot of oversized loose fitting clothes in LAYERS!!! SO MANY LAYERS!!! (im so glad flares are popular again!!!) I quite like clothes, I just refuse to wear dresses or shorts as I am quite insecure and uncomfortable in them.

I am a huge bookworm, passionate about a lot of humanities subjects, philosophy, art, history, sociology and psychology, law e.c.

People often times say I have good knowledge about a variety of subjects or have an opinion on everything.

But to be honest its either 0 or 100 with me. I'm autistic and typically go non verbal around people I am not comfortable with (i NEVER approach new people myself) and small talk is the devil i cannot do it. If I try to force myself at best I start stuttering badly 💀. I'm not too bothered by it, it's just frustrating. The only exception i'm fine 'approaching' is to talk to them is online/through writing as it puts concerns about reading social queues out the window.

However the 100 side of it, people that approach me and engage in topics i actually like... as well as people close to me, I'm the opposite, I have to have meaningful discussions and love to share ideas with people! It's like I do a complete 180! People oftentimes mistake me as being very confident if they catch me like this and dont know me very well but I think it's just because I'm moreso passionate and fixate a lot.

At my worst I become extremely avoidant and shut in, typically to be able to get out of my room I need someone I'm friends or close with that can drive me out or stay with me, otherwise I panic. (That includes ignoring basic needs, i will ignore them if i feel threatened) but so long as I have people close to me around I feel far more confident in being able to mask (for me its not always a bad thing if it helps me to be productive/actually stay alive). I cannot stand to be touched by others unless I'm expecting it but even then I'm still sensitive, but I am okay with touching others! Exihibit A! I love pampering friends and get compliments on my massages!!!! Do not do the same to me the devil takes over my body and I cannot control spasms i am not laughing of joy I am on the verge of a breakdown!!!!

As for specific hobbies: I like drawing/painting and sculpting! I LOVE board and tabletop games, chess, card games like blackjack. I like anything to do with watersports. I love to swim! Reading and writing is obviously a big one too and my most recent interest is learning to bake! (Because im dogshit at cooking)

I hope thats enough and that I did everythjng!!! Hope you have a lovely day!!!!

Note: I am not really sure what no binary pronouns use, I asked google and said that go by they, if it doesn’t go by they I am terribly sorry and please tell me if I did it wrong! Also have a nice day you too anon! 💝

And also I am so sorry If I skipped something 😞

I match you wiiith🥁🥁🥁…

Galatea and Emil!

Galatea:

The moment she heard that you like sculpting, she immediately wanted to know more about you!

Even chess?? THATS AMAZING !! She loves playing chess too!!

She was so scared to talk to you thought, she didn’t know how to start a conversation.

Wow she finally spoke to you! But it was in a match while you were chaired and Galatea was just staring at you a little creepy.. That made you uncomfortable and you looked away ‘when will I get sent back to the manor.’ You thought.

,,Your eyes are… pretty..’’ she quietly and softly said.

That caught you off guard and you looked back at her.

,,O-oh thank you! Uh your e- I mean your sculpture is nice!’’ ‘Oh nahh💀💀 why did I say this😭’

She looked confused at the Little rock of clay but smiled.

,,Thank you.. Can I.. talk to you more?’’

You nodded and smiled again.

,,M-maybe play some c-chess with me..?’’ She quietly spoke.

,,I’m sorry what did you say?’’

,,Nothing!’’ Her face was now hidden and you could only see the back of the wheelchair.

She was blushing, which left you confused.

,,Uh can we meet-‘’ But suddenly the rocket chair started spinning which you flew back to the manor, but before you flew she said more loudly: ,,Meet me a-after the match!!’’ ,,OK!’’

When both of you started dating she made you little sculptures of hearts or cute things you like.

BOTH OF YOU MAKING SCULPTURES <333

Walks! When the both of you aren’t in a match you would push the wheelchair while Galatea is on it around the manor. Usually Galatea starts the conversations because she knew that you really couldn’t start one. Such a nice and supportive gf 🫶

Give her a surprise kiss on her cheek and she’s blushing.

Emil

Oh this sweet little guy.

Another awkward shy introvert😭

To the moment he saw you , he felt funny in his stomach. And he could feel his cheeks red.

Would try to start a conversation with you.

But if you tried you would be a stuttering mess, really nervous too because of how much you stuttered.

He doesn’t find it funny tho, in fact he finds it cute. He would chuckle a little, but when he saw your face like it was about to cry he immediately stopped and looked at you in worry.

,,I-I am s-so sorry for laughing! I didn’t m-meant to , i-it’s not that I promise!’’ Okay he accidentally held your hands without noticing. Man was panicking 😭

Now both of you looked like a couple.

You started feeling more nervous at the sudden contact, which he realised too, quickly stopped holding your hands and running away none stop saying ‘I’m so sorry!’ Man it was sure something😭😭

Next day he came to apologise and said that he will never do it again.

This man is so sweet bro.. and respectful too..

He found himself getting more and more comfortable by the time.

But not too comfortable because he would blush sometimes, trying to hide his face while you were looking at him confused.

When both of you were finally dating he would get more protective, not obsessive! He is just worried about you getting hurt!

When people misgender you, he would confidently say: ,,If you didn’t know Y/N is not comfortable calling them he or she!’’

Ur biggest support!

Always asks you if you’re okay with it before he hugs you or kisses you!

When you’re feeling down and don’t want to talk to anyone he would slide down a letter under your door and leave.

There is written how much he loves you, that the others are just jerks and a bunch of more praises and nice things written. And he finished with a ‘please talk to me later, I am worried’.

If you kiss him or hug him he would have the biggest smile on his face with red face.

Best bf material😻

[phantom-witch]

Phantom's Finished: Doki Doki Literature Club!+

DISCLAIMER: This is specifically about the Side Stories new to the console release, as that is basically its own game and I am unable to play the base game. Furthermore, it was through my partner @shioripresents so I didn't have to play the base game due to triggers! No Meta/Psychedelic horror triggers but there IS...

TW: Suicide Mention, Self-Hate, Panic Attacks, Anxiety and Depression (brief mention of derealisation but I don't go into it)

A year ago, I would have never imagined playing this game! I had a very bad experience when I was 13 and this game was EVERYWHERE online. As to be honest, I was myself Suicidal at the time (and still struggle with Suicidal thoughts today)

And to be quite honest, I am not too keen on the base game still. I respect the reason others love it, but it triggers my derealisation and suicidal ideation quite easily. So low and behold when I met my to be girlfriend, Shiori! And wow she loved this game and I always had respect for it but wasn't ready for it to be discussed loads. Overtime, we've grown closer and closer the past 9 months (especially the 6 months we've been together) and I felt I wanted something to get closer to my partner and understand her better...

And I can happily say I do.

These side stories are some of the best writing of mental health I've seen since Celeste that it makes me wish this was what the game always was! I genuinely think of this totally differently to the original games' main story, to the point I feel they made this out of respect to those hurt by the popularity of the og game. My only gripe is that you HAVE to play the base game to get these, which my partner luckily already had unlocked

But back to the game in question! This game goes through chapters focused around 2 of the main 4 characters that ties into a theme linked with their mental health. This felt really needed and I love the characterisation of Sayori, Monika, Yuri and Natuski which was really needed. The smile on my face or even the amount of times it was too relatable hit extremely hard! Huge recommendation to experiencing this side story if you can

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT:

This will be going into detail about each characters individually and showing spoiler art from the side stories!

Due to this, there will be a lot more mentions of the TW mentioned at the top so please keep that in mind, look after yourself first! Okay? Okay!

Sayori!

Sayori is the one I easily connected with the most, who is given such a lovely adorable personality that rubs off on everyone around her! When she first meets Monika during the clubs early days, she really helps with everything in the club and shows such enthusiasm and initiative. However, my favourite element of her is the "bad side" of her as she describes...

Sayori has depression, and also has to deal with Suicidal thoughts quite a lot. She hides this as she's afraid of how she will be treated by others and uses poems to represent these thoughts as she otherwise can't

For example:

Monika is the one to discover this (how she handles it I will get to with her section) and Sayori completely breaks in such a realistic way... and is finally able to just talk about her thoughts. How she feels like a burden worrying people, wanting to help others over helping herself, but... also dealing with thoughts she can't control, making her feel she doesn't deserve to be alive. That she should take herself away from the world, and that she would be better off gone...

I know this too well, as I've dealt with Suicidal thoughts myself, I still do. The position Sayori is was where I was a few years ago and I'm still early on to my recovery. I'm okay being honest about that here as to review the mental health I need to talk about my own 💙 Which Sayori's representation hits very close to home in a very realistic way, to the point that she portrays herself as happy and bubbly! Monika supports her so well here and gives Sayori what she needs and we see Sayori be the most vulnerable, completely empty expression and struggling with her mind. I was in tears at this scene because I felt like I finally understood something about myself!

But that's not all! She learns and grows so much in trying to support Yuri and then Natsuki later on. With Yuri, Sayori supports her a lot and we see Sayori really trying her best to help Yuri feel included and really sweetly comforts her and shows how kind and thoughtful Sayori is. With Natsuki she has to learn the opposite! Where she needs to give people space and once she realises, does everything she can to make it right and understand. It's really sweet how determined she is whilst also showing she isn't "better" after the first chapter as she still puts people before her. Even in a chapter not focused on her, she helps Natsuki understand Yuri by talking about how she struggles with her own head...

I love Sayori, she is my favourite and I really appreciate how she represents those with depression and suicidal thoughts well

Yuri!

Moving forward, I won't be as in depth as I have a lot to say on my personal experiences linked to Sayori, so I'll be more concise! Yuri is a very reserved yet passionate character who clearly struggles a lot around other people. She is shown to feel she's being selfish when she really isn't. She struggles interpreting other's feeling and is what I would call extremely Autistic coded! She has a massive breakdown over-worrying about bothering Sayori about her books only for Sayori to comfort her and for Yuri to explain how used to being considered "the weird one" which hit me close to home too. I only recently found the people that cared for what I loved!

There's also how she and Natsuki needs to connect, and Monika tries to help but Yuri feels like she keeps saying the wrong thing...

Monika supports her to help speak in her own way, as Yuri learns how to express herself differently due to her struggles with communication. It's really good as it doesn't have Yuri "fix" herself with how she struggles and instead find alternatives to manage better, which I really like!

I would get into the obvious "Self-Love" chapter, but that requires me to talk a lot about Natsuki, so I'll mention that in her section! Yuri is a really sweet personality that's also completely different from the og game and I find that for the better, as I think her writing was super problematic. She deserves the world and I loved her characterisation

Natsuki!

Going into this, I didn't expect to care at all for Natsuki! She always came off as bitchy or a very... certain anime trope beginning with L in the og game.

Here they surprised me as Natsuki is misjudged by Monika and how she overtime has to set boundaries whilst communicating them healthily with Monica, Sayori and then Yuri. I feel Sayori was important for her to begin learning how to communicate this as Sayori always wishes the best for her friends. But, we see how consistently made fun of Natsuki has been made fun of for her love of Manga

This leads me with what I left out in Yuri's section, the final standard side story "Self-Love". This shows the aftermath of Yuri trying to communicate better, and how Natsuki has been coming to terms with her previous friend group being extremely toxic for her as they don't understand or respect her needs. I heavily felt this story due to how I've been in this situation with friends/friend groups too many times. (if anyone of those people ever read this, no hate, just from my personal perspective and experience) Yuri and Natsuki chill together each lunch and grow closer, as we learn more about Natsuki's group and how Yuri dislikes how they treat her. At first Natsuki dislikes the comment but then realises how bad this group is for her. It scares her, going into how it's "just apart of my life" and how "its hard to just lose that". Eventually, Natsuki decides to cut them off, bringing cupcakes for Yuri as she feels it's the only thing she can do to prove her worth. After Yuri says she doesn't want all of them, Natsuki breaks down after admitting she split up with her group. It's a full on panic attack which I went through too in a similar situation. Yuri realises and all worry shuts off just so she can help Natsuki stabilise herself.

She makes it clear to Natsuki that she doesn't need to serve a purpose to prove her worth to others, and anyone that made you think that doesn't deserve you around. I had to breathe as I was reading this whilst I reflected on some things here, as this was a powerful moment that meant a lot to me, now more than ever. Natsuki was a lot more complexed than I thought firsthand, and represented panic attacks and lack of self worth so well

Monika!

Monika is weird for me, as she is similar to Yuri where she is nothing like the og game, except to an even more extreme. Monika is a lot more human and actually... a character?? See it's so weird to talk about her as I can't help but be baffled by how different it is to have this Monika!

That being said, I really like Monika here! She is super focused on making the club the best it can be, which she learns more about as she meets everyone. Sayori helps her learn about how this club can be help for those to understand their own emotions after supporting Sayori's depression. She fully understands and supports Sayori's needs after discovering a poem clearly hinting towards what Sayori goes through, and comforts her and tells her how much meaning to this world she has without worrying or treating her differently. This in turn also helps Monika grow out of her perfectionism to express her own feelings more over the course of the side stories. Then Natsuki helps her learn past her own biases and be a more considerate and understanding person, even pushing herself to learn the piano. Yuri helps Monika to learn she can't fix everything and has to learn to either step back or approach things differently to support everyone better!

She really cares about making a club for others to feel a place to belong in, and grows so much through the game as it recontextualises the one thing I liked about the og game: "Your Reality" This song, whilst originally meta, was so beautifully contextualised to mean more about one's own heart and using writing and expression to learn more about yourself through the good and the bad times.

"The ink flows down into the dark colours Just move your hand, write the way into your heart"

This side story was everything to me as I was able to spend time with my girlfriend... Thank you Shiori

[psychelis-new]

sometimes i dont know how we are expected to enjoy something in this economy or in modern society where people seem to only really care if its about a rich person or someone whos popular or pretty and attractive. for instance if celeb passes away its such a huge deal but if its one of us it doesnt matter so much cause we dont matter or only a few handful of people would miss us compared to a celeb. or that society is so much about what someone does and how much they make from it that i feel soulless like theres so many folk who say do something bc it make u money not bc it make u happy.

im really conflicted nowadays and i dont like the state my country is in, it doesnt care about it citizens but it care more about the royals than anyone else every tome w royal member breaths they get free press but any time someome normal does something it never gets the same reception. as i said i dont think it matters anymore who does or doesnt live a long life bc it only matters what they did as a person or how society is constantly about having a following or likes comments and subscribes or is it the fact that screens are being used everywhere?

honestly i think this is the worst version of society. i dont want to have to chase people only for them to barely give effort in return but thats what i feel like i have to do bc society has its cliques online and offline. i hope this rant makes some sense and thank you v much for letting me rant!

Hello dear :) Well, there's a lot here...

Despite I understand what you mean, it's also about statistics: famous people are known by far more people than "common" (let me use this adjective, even if it's not right) people, so it's obviously natural that more people can be aware of their existence and cry over one of them passing away compared to one person known only by 20-30 people or less: famous people have the chance to "keep in touch" with/be seen by many people at the same time through what they do, cause all they do has a resonance caused by the ability they have to move markets and create capitals as well (mostly because of "common" people being so invested in them, js). For this reasons their lives are under the lenses of the world: not that good in the end, as their privacy is basically non-existant; they're supposed to share everything about them, cause people wants to know everything about them and compare their lives to the ones of those famous people: if they go through lows, "common" people may feel better about themselves, or see famous as more "normal"; in the best case we just can get inspired by famous people (maybe they made a dream come true and so we hope to be able to do the same somehow). It's very tough cause it's not just about love, but they get also hated and envied far more easily and by far more people than "common" people: again it's about statistics.

The thing to keep in mind here imo is: it's not about quantity, but quality. One can be loved by the whole world but it doesn't mean everyone will remember them forever (and also, it depends on how and why they will: it's not always for something positive or good). Focus on you and your own personal relationships, on making them good enough so that even if just one person will care about and remember you, it will be more than enough cause it will be for the right reason. And that's what matters in the end (imo, ofc).

Life these days is easily influenced by fake lives we see online through social medias: all is buildt up so that it can look amazing (think photographs and AI as well). Many people (not just influencers) try to avoid sharing the "bad" part but only focus on the good and so the idea that everything must be perfect to be good and there's no way one can go through lows in life is something that is playing with the mind of many, making them think their lives are just terrible because they cannot make it good or make enough money (what is enough even? Everything costs more and more, so the fear of running out of money may make people fear living in poverty and need to make more money: no matter if they aren't happy as long as they're safe -it's about the root chakra yk-. For example esp. in the Southern area of my country, not having a secure job is unsafe for many elders, they may push their children to work in State's offices even if they don't want to, so that they will be sure they'll get paid all the months). All this is just adding a stress that is totally unnecessary: as you're noticing, not feeling supported in our choices by those in an "authority spot" (be it family or state letting us down more or less figuratively) is not going to help us find happiness or even wealth (what one can consider it made of). And seeing other making it (famous people for instance), may make us envious of them. Resentful even.

I don't think there's someone living the perfect life, we all go through bad stuff, it's just a matter of how we decide to deal with it and how much we share. Many pretend it's not real and try to forget about it by focusing on whatever else, and even on other people (=famous people) but it doesn't work in the end: fake positivity or avoiding negativity never solved any problem. But this is where famous people come in: seeing good/positive posts and being pushed to believe that something good can be (as it will), or even just being comforted by someone we admire can be of help for those going through a bad moment. On the other side, by showing the best side of stuff, some influencers (eg.) may try to convince us to interact with them also to know more about them or to see if their life are really better and how we can be like them... but they mostly do that to gain something. We're still talking about a job (social media in particular, but remember every famous person also generally gains from their appearances and image): followers and interactions of any type with an account, help them reach certain numbers in the algorythm of that specific social media, get viral or become famous/known enough so that they can start collaborations and gain more. And live (they try to make money as well as anyone else: ofc it depends what idea we have of how they make money and how much we know of it). This too has lows ofc, as everything, but we may not always know about them unless the person wants to share about it.

What I mean is: yes society has f-up rules and ideas, it's pretty much corrupted, but it's not famous people the real problem imo. Maybe "common" people just find in them a way to escape their reality (be it for the best or the worst, to send love or hate; maybe they just project, find comfort, avoidance... whatever other need they have unmet), as I was saying. Maybe they just find online (reels/tiktok in particular, fast and entertaining stuff for a life that goes fast and people's decreasing attention span caused by generally feeling low and not being able to keep up with that pace and ending up alone/left out ig) the entertainment they need to unwind and that they cannot find in their lives: they need to look outside, to not think about themselves. I think that until we look at what goes on outside instead of inside (whether it's to find validation or support or whatever else we need and were never given), there's not much that we can change in our lives. I am not demonzing famous people by any means (nor juding "common" people's behaviours): it's part of their job to be there and act as a trigger (at times) for others, but that's not always a pleasant job in the end: what I mean is, maybe we don't have to blame them for what is going on as their lives have pros but also many many cons we need to consider, understand and respect. In their place many people may not be able to deal with the stress and all and give up easily (don't wanna talk about the many famous people giving in to various addictions because of this).

But if you feel like because of society you need to act in a certain way to be accepted and you need to accept crumbs in your relationships, then that's wrong imo. You are free, don't let society cage you into unreasonable rules. You can make your own rules: you may feel alone at first, but you're not going to be forever. There are other people like you. You deserve much more than crumbs and you deserve to at least try to live the life you dream of living. Try to stop for a moment and realize what is this confusion you're experiencing really about. What do you see in the way famous people are treated and what you make it mean of you in comparison (despite I generally don't suggest to compare with others for this but ...yeah)? Do you feel not enough? Do you feel rejected? Underappreciated? Not seen? Idk... Do you really know what you want for yourself and how to get it? If not, start from the basic, see what you really want and need, and work to obtain it. Whatever goes on around you.

Not sure if I said all I wanted to say but I guess I touched the main points at least... Take care<3

[payidaresque]

Exactly Eda messed up her whole show and we just weren't able to recover. I mean the show was salvaged by Ali at the end (so great full for him) but unfortunately she caused a lot of damage. It's common amongst Turkish shows that they all start off well but somewhere the writer just messes it all up. I've watched this happen countless of times unfortunately. Siyah beyaz ask, uckurus, erkenci kus, hercai and just so many other shows were ruined by dumb storylines.

It's a damn shame because with the right screenwriter I'm sure Aziz could have come back stronger. The highest ratings the show had was when Azef were getting closer so its not like the audience wasn't interested in the couple etc.

I definitely think they pulled the plug because Murat wasn't interested in the script. He is the show and losing him would mean the next season wouldn't survive anyway. You cant blame an established actor like him to go along with a dumb script. He already did it in season one 🤣

Lol I watched a few clips online of Damlas acting and honestly I wasn't amazed. There were also scenes in Aziz that I felt like she over did it or just cringe (lol I won't say which ones). I'm glad for one thing which is that Simay got the admiration she deserved for her role as Efnan. She was literally holding her own against legends such as Firat tenis (pierre) and obviously Murat.

Please don't apologise for being upset. Shows we love ending abruptly is always a tough thing to go through ❤️ and as much as it ended abruptly I think it would have been worse watching them ruin a beautiful couple in season 2 which seemed to be the plan.

I think the show was a good, strong adaptation with a solid story and good written backgrounds (except for Dilruba — that character was horrible and shallow from the very start with no actual puprose whatsoever besides getting Aziz back), MUCH BETTER than the original source (Poldark) which is a very rare thing to happen, JUST before Eda decided to pull her shit out while obviously being in a horrendous fever (no one in their right mind would wrote THAT... and everyone who approved that just as dumb and incomitent as she is). And DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HERCAI, i personally think this is one of the dumbest shows i've ever seen AND YET it had the privilage of getting a proper ending and last for 3 fucking seasons (for whatever crazy reason there was). And then we have Aziz, that had every chance to become a hit IF it had the right people working on it, ending up like this. Do i think that's fair? HELL NO. Although i do believe ATV have different policy regarding cancelling a show so that played a huge part as well, but still

I really believe the ratings started dropping just as soon as Eda had A FUCKING GENIUS IDEA to make Adem & Dilruba live under the same roof with Azef and Dilruba making eyes at Aziz all the time and playing the victim. I seriously don't understand why would someone do that to their own show. Don't you want your work to suceed?

lol honestly, to me every 2nd scene with Dilruba was bad 💀 She was treated like a freaking ping-pong ball, swinging back and forth between trying to be a good person and a total bitch, and i don't get the reason behind it and i almost feel sorry that Damla had to play her, NO actor should ever be able to play such an awful character, even if your own abilities are far from extraordinary. Aziz was trully a time to shine for Simay, i really hope her career's gonna make big turns for good, she deserves it. Actually, i think Simay is the only one who actually benifited from the show in terms of career and is truly recognized now for her talent

I know it was better to end the show this way than watch it ruining itself with each new episode, it's the wasted potential that hurts me the most, so many questions left unanswered, and the characters didin't get a chance to truly grow (especially Efnan, Adem and Maksude) and fully demonstrate what they're capable of, and i will never forgive The Big Bosses for that. They all were treated so poorly, none of them deserve it. Especially when the bosses HAD every opportunity to make things right, they just slept on it on purpose

[technowoah]

Stuck In a Room

Its hard to be funny while stuck in your room.

- Tommy innit x platonic reader

- OOC Tommy (out of character)

- the first one in my huge special masterlist.

Now playing...

Look Who's Inside Again.

(Stuck In a Room)

Bo Burnham

0:01 ─●──────── 3:29

⚠︎ swearing, angst, confusing feelings, not proofread. Thats it :)

Part of my Inside Special!

"Trying to be funny and stuck in a room

There isn't much more to say about it"

He sat at his desk just staring at the computer screen infront of him. His room was dark only for his LED lights and his multiple computer screens. Tommy had his phone on his desk with jokes typed on it. He couldn't find the fuel to turn on his stream and joke around. He had made a video today with Wilbur and Tubbo with some scripted jokes that didn't land well, well at least he didn't think so.

He was always in his room. It was hard to find inspiration through the internet. There's no one to laugh, there's no one to react. Tommy was struggling, he felt unproductive in his room he felt stuck in his chair unable to leave it only when his mother calls him for dinner.

"Can one be funny when stuck in a room?

Being in, trying to get something out of it"

He was happy with what he did, it's becoming a safe haven a place away from the outside world. He has friends and a family online, but he also has friends and family in real life. The world is fucked up, but the internet can be also. The internet laughed, well at least he thinks they do, when he makes a joke. He had a couple of friends who thought he was funny in real life. One of them was currently downstairs with his parents. It was his fault for saying he was going to stream 10 minutes ago and never started streaming.

Tommy felt bad letting his close friend talk to his parents when in reality they came for him. Right now he couldn't get anything out of, he couldn't get that joke right, he couldn't find his rhythm in this space in this situation he put himself in and couldn't get out of. Tommy wasnt going to let himself go until he got what he wanted.

"Try making faces

Try telling jokes, making little sounds.

Uggg!"

He still stared at the jokes written on his phone and wondered what else he could do in this atmosphere. Comedians had their stage, or even a director and a film set to work on. And Tommy had three monitors a microphone with no live audience. Was it worth being here and trying so hard to make people laugh? Was it worth blowing off his friend to chicken out of streaming to try and get his work corrected.

This was a thing he loved, he loved making faces, telling jokes, and seeing people's reactions. He tried that so much that it became a routine for him, trying different things to joke around and through trial and error he found out slowly what they liked, but it was hard to tell with the usual people who hated his content and the people who watched every upload.

Sometimes the videos, the jokes, the faces didn't even see the light of day and are either left in a folder or sent to his friend who he trusted with his content.

There were days he didn't want to stream, nor make videos. He just wanted things to himself. It was cliche, but a bunch of jokes were written down in his notebooks and anywhere he could write them down. He then kept those jokes to himself, they had no use for what he was doing with YouTube now, maybe they will see the light one day.

"I was a kid who was stuck in his room

There isn't much more to say about it"

Tommy knew he wanted to do this for the longest. He was stuck in his room watching his inspirations and trying to find his own path. That's why he made his first channel, he was always in this spot. He was determined to be where he was now, and he still sat in the same spot. Hes in the same predicament. There's nothing much to say about it.

"When you're a kid and you're stuck in your room

You'll do any old shit to get out of it

Try making faces

Try telling jokes, making little sounds"

He seemed normal back then, Tommy remembered back to his past and thought he was normal. He went to school, hung out with friends, came home, did his homework, ate, and only worked for a small bit of time on his videos. Later on he started working on YouTube videos later at night and not getting much sleep for school. The weekends were all-nighters, he became more invested in YouTube so all he did was that and school.

Tommy hated staying still, he moved around his room, went outside. Now he never went outside unless needed he to. Unless his friends wanted to.

Tommy joked around with his parents, to try and go places when he couldn't drive. Tried to convince his parents by making faces, jokes, and little sounds to annoy them into finally taking him to where he wanted to go.

Now these things were adored or hated by many of his fans. Tommy always if he kept his jokes to himself and tried a different approach to comedy or entertainment.

"Well, well

Look who's inside again

Went out to look for a reason to hide again"

His fans knew alot, they knew he was hiding from the internet, they knew he went looking for another way only to be found back in this chair with the "Go Live" button taunting him.

Tommy knew he was hiding from the world. He was hiding from his friend downstairs, but he sat here knowing that his fans wanted more, they wanted Tommyinnit. They knew he was inside, they knew he was dormant, they wanted content. Tommy had to get his groove back, his jokes back to get his confidence back to stream.

"Well, well

Buddy, you found it"

For Tommy it was hard to explain, but he felt unproductive, unmotivated, but now he had it. He had jokes, he had motivation and hopefully it wont go away for him and his fans. Tommy finally moved his mouse and clicked on that button satisfying the wishes and making his feelings even more complicated and his guilt subside.

You walked up to Tommy's door to knock softly, but you had gotton no response. You tried again, but the same thing happened.

"Tommy?" You slightly yelled enough for him to hear behind the door, but not loud enough for his parents to complain.

"Tommy!" You yelled and knocked again trying to get your friend to get out of his room.

It's been a while and you havent heard an "I'M LIVE!" or "DONT COME IN IM STREAMING!" from him yet.

You assumed he wasn't streaming or he wasn't even talking during the stream. You slowly pushed open the door, but something stopped you from going inside.

"WELCOME TO THE STREAM BOYS!"

You closed the door and went back down the stairs.

"Is he streaming, honey?" His mom asked.

"Yeah, he is." You said somberly.

"Now, come out with your hands up

We've got you surrounded."

Taglist: @annshit

[cyndavilachase]

I’m Looking Forward Now 💖Thank you and good bye

So, it’s been a little over a week since Steven Universe Future ended… 

I’ve been hesitant to write this, honestly, but I’m tired of holding myself back from properly expressing myself in fear of appearing overly invested in the media I consume, even in private. Writing helps me organize my thoughts and feelings, and I feel like these thoughts in particular may resonate with many, so I want to share them. I want to talk about what Steven Universe has done for me personally, both as an artist, and as a person.

I’ve been around since the day the first episode of the original series aired. I actually remember when Steven Universe was just a logo on Wikipedia’s “List of Upcoming Cartoon Network Shows” list, back when I was a freshman in high school. It piqued my interest, but when commercials finally dropped for it, I thought it was going to be bad because of the way marketing handled introducing Steven as a likeable character. There was still something about it that made me want to give it a chance though, so I went online and watched the pilot before the first episode's release. I was hooked immediately. I knew I was going to love it, and I did. I fell so absolutely in love with Steven as a character, and the world that he and the gems lived in. I became obsessed. I was always so excited for new episodes to come out. Little did I know what else it would do for me as I went through my adolescence alongside it.

As the show progressed, it was evident that what I wanted out of a western animated childrens’ cartoon was finally coming into fruition: this show was becoming serialized. There was continuity, there was plot, there was character development-- it was getting deep. It was pushing the groundwork that Adventure Time laid out even further (thank you, Adventure Time).  

I will give credit where credit is due: earlier western childrens’ cartoons I grew up with like Hey Arnold, and Rugrats, among others, also touched on heavy topics, but Steven Universe was able to take similar ideas (and even more complex ones, concerning mental health and relationships) and expand on them outside of contained episodes and/or short arcs. These themes, which were a part of the show’s overarching story, spanned across its entirety. Continuity was rampant. 

What did this mean? It meant kids cartoons didn’t have to be silly and fun all the time and characters weren’t just actors playing a part in 11-minute skits. Steven and the gems would remember things that happened to them, and it affected them and how they would function and play a part in their story. This was a huge deal to me as a teenager. I always wanted the cartoons I grew up with featuring kid characters to feel more. In my own work, I often felt discouraged when combining a fun, cutesy western art style with themes as dark or layered as anime would cover. I always thought it had to be one or the other because an audience wouldn’t take a combination of the two seriously enough, based on discussions I had with classmates, friends, and online analysis I read at the time. Steven Universe proved to me otherwise. This show was opening the door for future cartoons exploring in-depth, adult concepts. I felt so seen as a kid, and was inspired to stick with what I love doing.

I was actually very worried about the show’s survival. It was in fact immensely underrated and the fandom was miniscule. Then in 2014, JailBreak dropped, and it’s popularity exploded. Part of it was because of the complex plot and the themes it was covering like I mentioned, but also because of its representation. 

I remember when fandom theorized that Garnet was a fusion due to grand, tragic reasons. Turns out, she’s simply a metaphor for a very loving w|w relationship. This was huge. I cannot stress how important it is that we continue to normalize healthy canon queer relationships in childens’ media, and Steven Universe finally was the first to do that proper. Introducing these themes offers the chance for a kid to sit there and ask themselves, “Why is this demonized by so many people?” I asked myself exactly that. Ruby and Sapphire were my cartoon LGBT rep. They were the first LGBT couple I ever ecstatically drew fanart of. I was dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia at the time, and they showed me that I was allowed to love women and feel normal about it. The process of overcoming this was a long one, but they played a part in my very first steps into becoming comfortable with my sexuality. I could go on and on about it’s representation in general-- how it breaks the mold when it comes to showcasing a diverse set of characters in design, in casting, and in breaking gender roles. It’s focus on love and empathy. Steven himself is a big boy, but he's the protagonist, and the show never once makes fun of his weight, or any other bigger characters for that matter. It wasn’t hard to see why the fandom had grown so large.

Fandom was always a joy for me. It was a hobby I picked up when I was in middle school, like many of us here did. I would always cater my experience to fun, and fun only. I only started getting more deeply involved in SU’s fandom when I had just turned into an adult. During the summer of 2016, between my first and second year of college, I drew for the show almost every day non-stop when the Summer of Steven event was going on and posted them online. This was a form of practice for me in order to become not just more comfortable with experimenting with my art, but also to meet new artists, make new friends, and learn to interact with strangers without fear. I dealt with a ton of anxiety when I was in high school. When I was a senior applying to art school for animation, I decided I was going to overcome that anxiety. I made plans to take baby steps to improve myself over the course of my 4 years of college. Joining the fandom, while unforeseen, was definitely a part of that process. I started feeling more confident in sharing my ideas, even if they were fan-made. I fell in love with storyboarding after that summer, when I took my first storyboarding class, and genuinely felt like I was actually getting somewhere with all of this. I remember finally coming to a point in my classes where I could pitch and not feel hopelessly insecure about it. I was opening up more to my friends and peers. 

But this process, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt. 

My life completely, utterly crumbled under me in the Fall of 2017 due to a series of blows in my personal life that happened in the span of just a couple weeks. My mental health and sense of identity were completely destroyed. All of that confidence I had worked for-- completely ruined. I was alone. I nearly died. My stay at college was extended to 4 and half years, instead of the 4 I had intended. I lost my love for animation-- making it, and watching it. I could no longer watch Steven Universe with the same love I had for it beforehand. It’s a terrible thing, trying to give your attention to something you don’t love anymore, and wanting so desperately to love again. I dropped so many things I loved in my life, including the fandom.

Healing was a long and complicated road. I continued to watch the show all the way up until Change Your Mind aired in the beginning of 2019, and while I still felt empty, that was definitely a turning point for me with it’s encapsulation of self-love. I was hoping James Baxter would get to work on Steven Universe since he guest-animated on Adventure Time, and it was incredible seeing that wish actually come true. The movie came out and while I enjoyed it and thought highly of it, I was still having issues letting myself genuinely love things again, old and new. It was especially difficult because cartoons were my solace as a kid, when things got rough at home. I remember feeling sad because the show ended, and not getting the chance to love it again like I used to while it was still going.

By the time Steven Universe Future was announced, I was finally coming around. I was genuinely starting to feel excitement for art and animation again. I wasn’t expecting there to be a whole new epilogue series, but happily ever after, there we were! Prickly Pear aired, and the implications it left in terms of where the story was going did it. I was finally ready to let myself take the dive back into fandom in January of this year. My art blew up, something I wasn’t expecting considering my 2-year hiatus. Following this, I was invited into a discord server containing some of the biggest writers, artists, editors, and analysts in the fandom. I had no idea there were so many talented people in the fandom, some already with degrees, some getting their degrees-- creating stuff for it on the side just for fun. The amount of passion and productivity level here is insane, and so is the amount of discussion that has come out of it.

I didn’t realize it at first, but it was actually helping me gain back the courage to share ideas. I lost my confidence in pitching while I was taking the time to heal, and graduating meant there would no longer be a classroom setting I could practice in. This group helped immensely. 

I have made so many friends through this wonderful series, and I have so many fond memories talking to like-minded creatives, getting feedback and a myriad of sources for inspiration, as well as all of the memes and jokes and weekly theorizations that came about as we all waited on the edges of our seats for episodes to air. I needed this so badly, I needed to get back in touch with my roots, when I would go absolutely hog-wild over a cartoon I loved with people who loved it as much I did. Future has been a blessing for me in this way. I graduated feeling like I was back at square-one, but now I feel like I’m on my way again.

It’s 2020 and while I’m doing great right now, I am honestly still recovering from the total exhaustion that followed after graduating a few months ago, and finally leaving the campus where my life fell apart behind. Needless to say, watching Future was like looking into a mirror. Watching one of my favorite characters of all time-- one that grew up with me-- go through so many of the same things I went through not too long ago was absolutely insane to watch unfold. It’s such an important thing too, to show a character go through the process of breaking down over trauma and all the nasty things that come with it, and to have them go on the road to healing. Steven got that therapy. He wasn’t blamed. The gems were called out. The finale was everything I could have ever hoped for. The catharsis I experienced watching it was out of this world.

As I continue my own healing journey, I will always look up to the storyboard artists, revisionists, and designers that I have been following over these past 7 years, as well as the new ones introduced in Future. It's been such a joy watching these artists release their promo art for episodes, talk about their experiences working on the show, and post the work they've done for it alongside episodes airing.

Thank you Rebecca Sugar, the Crewniverse, and the fans, for making this such a truly wonderful and unique experience. Thank you for reminding me that I am, and always will be, an artist, a cartoonist, and a fan. Thank you, my followers, for the overwhelmingly positive response to my artwork. I have had so much fun interacting and discussing the show with you all again over these past few months. Steven Universe and it’s fandom will always have a special place in my heart, and it will always be a classic that I will return to for comfort and inspiration for decades to come. I am sad that the cartoon renaissance is over, but so many doors have been opened thanks to this show. I am so, so excited to see what this show will inspire in the future, and I hope one day I get the opportunity to be a part of that. 

Goodbye Steven, thank you for everything. I wish you healing, and I wish Rebecca and the team a well-deserved rest. ♥️

-Cynthia D.

[myhoneststudyblr]

every single student in the world has likely procrastinated at some point - i know i definitely have! sometimes i think it can be quite helpful because means that you don't spend every minute of every day studying... but on the other hand, it can become very hard to beat. there are so many advice posts in the community on this topic but i thought that i would share my own tips! 

disclaimer: everyone studies differently and these are my personal tips. they may not work for you but they can be a good starting point 

What is Procrastination?

i found this little summary of procrastinating on the internet and thought it completely covered everything that i wanted to say on this point:

Procrastination is the habit of delaying an important task, usually by focusing on less urgent, more enjoyable, and easier activities instead. It is different from laziness, which is the unwillingness to act.

Procrastination can restrict your potential and undermine your career. It can also disrupt teamwork, reduce morale, and even lead to depression and job loss. So, it's crucial to take proactive steps to prevent it.

The first step to overcoming procrastination is to recognize that you're doing it. Then, identify the reasons behind your behavior and use appropriate strategies to manage and overcome it.

- How to Stop Procrastinating by Mindtools

so what is learnt from this is that:

procrastination is not being lazy 

it is avoiding tasks by doing other easier tasks

it can have negative effects

you need to proactively take steps to avoid it 

first, recognise the procrastinating then use strategies to break the cycle

Conventional Tips

these are the basic tips that are some of the most well-known strategies for ending procrastination and can be some of the most important steps!

1. get organised. tidy up your desk to study space because there is nothing worse than having to work in a place that is chaotic and mess. collect the information you need for the task, for example, notes you've made or a textbook. 

2. to-do lists are your friend. a lot of people (including me) really struggle with timetables for studying because it can seem really structured and there is no flexibility or real allowance for things that may crop up during the day (your food takes longer to cook, you have to unexpectedly do a task around the house, you get a really bad headache and need to take a break). in my opinion, to-do lists help solve this problem! you can clearly see the tasks that you want to get done for the day but you don't have stressful time constraints. personally, i always use todoist to keep track of everything. to-do lists also make it easier to break tasks down

3. break the task down. one of the biggest cause of procrastination is having a huge task or project ahead of you because it seems really daunting and where on earth are you even going to start? so break it down *completely*. in your to-do list, don't just write ‘german homework’, write down even task that you need to do within it and be specific: for example ‘pg. 11 ex 4a, 4b and 4c’, ‘textbook listening task on pg. 47′ and ‘250-word essay on social media in Germany’. breaking it down makes the tasks seem more attainable and when you’ve done one and you can cross it off your list, it gives you a boost to keep going

4. eliminate distractions. this is a big one. even if you do all of the above, if you are constantly being distracted by things, you aren't going to get much done. try to find a place that is quiet enough that you can focus and you feel comfortable studying in. as well as this you need to think about what to do with your phone as the likelihood is that this will be the most distracting thing. you can simply turn it off, put on do not disturb, leave it in another room or use and app like forest (that last one is what i use and i don't know where i would be without it!)

5. use incentives. finishing a task is an achievement so treat it like one! before you study, decide on something that you will give yourself as a reward for doing it. this may be watching that new episode of your favourite programme or a tasty snack! 

6. set timers. don't just launch yourself into a task, because that again can make it seem daunting and feel unending. rather, set a timer for a specific time because you’ll know that you just need to focus for that specific length of time and then you can go take a break and do something nice. for timing your study sessions, you could use the Pomodoro technique 

7. allow for breaks (but try to avoid long ones). you are not a machine and as much as it would be great to be able to, you cant study for hours on end without giving your mind a break from focusing. so schedule in break time for yourself, particularly for times that you know your motivation dips, and do something nice. but be very careful that you don't accidentally slip back into procrastinating habits and keep breaks short. unless you are very disciplined it is unlikely that an hour-long break will stay just an hour.

8. know how you study but don’t be afraid to mix it up. everyone studies differently and so there are going to be some study methods that work better for some than others. so try to make sure that you are studying smart and that you aren't wasting your own time cause that can be incredibly unmotivating. HOWEVER, if there is anything that I’ve learnt from online school its that doing the same task all the time, every day is mind-numbingly boring and you just want to do anything else. so try to switch up what you are doing. if you usually just type notes from the textbook, maybe try doing it in a mindmap one week, or on flashcards, maybe do some practise questions to keep your mind engaged. 

9. play music. now this one really depends on the person and how you study. some people need absolute silence and that is fine, but others need something to fill the silence or maybe cover up background noise (for example if you live in a busy household). try to pick music however that is not going to distract you - the key tips for this is to pick music without lyrics. this can be classical music, video game music, or general ‘chill’ music (there are so many playlists out there for chill studying music). i personally listen to Francesco Parrino religiously while studying because he does piano covers of pop songs, so i know the songs and enjoy them but there are no lyrics that can distract me 

10. stay hydrated, well-rested and not hungry. this is part of eliminating distractions because if you are thirsty, you are going to be thinking about how you want a drink; if you are tired, you are going to be thinking about how tired you are; if you are hungry, you are going to be thinking about what you want for lunch or whatever. make sure you are hydrated, well-rested and not hungry so you can focus solely on your task or work.

Unconventional Tips

these are some slightly more unusual tips that you might not have seen before but that I've nevertheless found very useful!

1. video yourself or do a timelapse. this is something that I’ve only recently done because i saw a tip on this from someone during my quarantine challenge and thought that it would be cool to do. and it really works! i did it twice once when i was typing notes and a second time when i was handwriting notes and it really made me focus on what is as doing because the video put some pressure on me to look like i was properly studying - i could take a 5-minute break in the middle of my work to mess around with my pen, I just had to keep going so it really forces you to do the work. also watching the video when i was done made me really proud cause i had visual proof of how much i completed!

2. accept that some days you are going to get very little done. this may seem a little bit odd to put on a post that is meant to avoid getting nothing done but it’s actually a very important thing to remember. sometimes you need to take days off because otherwise you are going to burnout and some days you are just not going to be in the right mindset for studying because maybe you are exhausted after a big exam, or you have a headache or you feel unwell. you just need to accept it, draw a line under it, take time for yourself, and resolve yourself to work tomorrow once you feel a bit better. there is no shame in taking time to make sure you stay healthy. if you can, try to get your quickest, easiest task done so you have some sense of accomplishment.

3. ‘churn it out and f**k off’. this was my mum’s motto when she was studying and working in academia. and she recently told it to me when i was getting stressed about all the big tasks during online school. i am a perfectionist and i always want to hand in my very best work, put 100% into everything, but honestly that is impossible. some days you just need to get stuff done and if that isn't your very best then it doesn't matter too much because at least you got it done. and once you get it done you can just forget about it.

4. ask a friend or parent to check up on you. when you are studying by yourself it can be hard to motivate yourself because you know that no ones actually going to check whether you made those votes or did the reading, so ask a friend or someone you live with to check whether you've done the work or get them to read essays. you then get an external reason to study or do your tasks because you need to show them something.

5. rephrase how you think of tasks. when you think that ‘you need to do this task’ or ‘you have to get this done’, a lot of the time this causes unneeded stress and anxiety that is not going to help you at all. also it makes it seem like you are being forced to do something and human beings generally don't act great when they are forced to do something. so try to change your language when thinking about task into one that is more forgiving such as ‘i choose to do this project so that i can go meet my friends tomorrow’ and ‘i choose to read this book now because it will help me in the lecture next week’. this is probably the most difficult strategy on this list and it will take a lot of practice (i am certainly still practising it) but in the long term, it can help you change the way in which you view studying for the better. 

✨✨✨

i hope this was helpful and that these tips will be useful, and perhaps you've discovered some new ones! if anyone has anything to add please feel free to reply or reblog with the advice <3

[mercurygray]

So, I Hear You Liked: 1917

More World War One Films

I was very excited about 1917 when it first came out because it almost perfectly coincided with the 100th anniversary of the First World War, a conflict that I love to read about, write about, and watch movies about. This period is my JAM, and there's such a lot of good content for when you're done with Sam Mendes's film.

Obviously there are a lot of movies and TV shows out there - this is just a selection that I enjoyed, and wish more people knew about.

Note: Everyone enjoys a show or movie for different reasons. These shows are on this list because of the time period they depict, not because of the quality of their writing, the accuracy of their history or the political nature of their content. Where I’m able to, I’ve mentioned if a book is available if you’d like to read more.

I'd like to start the list with a movie that isn't a fiction piece at all - Peter Jackson's They Shall Not Grow Old (2019) is a beautifully produced film that allows the soldiers and archival images themselves, lovingly retimed and tinted into living color, to tell their own story. It is a must watch for anyone interested in the period.

Wings (1927), All Quiet on the Western Front (1930), A Farewell to Arms (1932, 1957), The Dawn Patrol (1938), Sergeant York (1941), and Paths of Glory (1957) are all classics with a couple of Oscars between them, and it's sort of fun to watch how the war gets changed and interpreted as the years pass. (The Dawn Patrol, for instance, might as just as easily be about the RAF in World War 2.)

All Quiet is based on a famous memoir, and A Farewell to Arms on a Hemingway novel; both have several adaptations and they're all a little different. Speaking of iconic novels, Doctor Zhivago (1965) based on the Pasternak novel of the same title, examines life of its protagonist between 1905 and the start of the second World War.

I think one thing historians agree on is that the start of World War One is worth discussing - and that there's a lot of backstory. Fall of Eagles (1974), a 13 part BBC miniseries, details the relationships between the great houses of Europe, starting in the 1860s; it's long but good, and I think might be on YouTube. The Last Czars (2019) takes a dramatized look at the Romanovs and how their reactions to the war lead to their eventual demise.

As far as the war itself, Sarajevo (2014) and 37 Days (2014) both discuss the outbreak of hostilities and the slow roll into actual battle.

The Passing Bells (2014) follows the whole war through the eyes of two soldiers, one German and one British, beginning in peacetime.

Joyeux Noel ( 2005) is a cute story - it takes place early in the war during the Christmas Peace and approaches the event from a multinational perspective.

War Horse (2011) is, of course, a name you'll recognize. Based on the breakout West End play, which is itself based on a YA novel by Michael Morpurgo, the story follows a horse who's requisitioned for cavalry service and the young man who owns him. Private Peaceful (2012) is also based on a Morpurgo novel, but I didn't think it was quite as good as War Horse.

The Wipers Times (2013) is one of my all-time favorites; it's about a short lived trench paper written and produced by soldiers near Ypres, often called Wipers by the average foot soldier. The miniseries, like the paper, is laugh out loud funny in a dark humor way.

My Boy Jack (2007) is another miniseries based on a play, this one about Rudyard Kipling and his son, Jack, who served in the Irish Guards and died at Loos. Kipling later wrote a poem about the death of his son, and helped select the phrase that appears on all commonwealth gravestones of the First World War.

Gallipoli (1981) is stunning in a way only a Peter Weir movie can be; this is a classic and a must-see.

Gallipoli is a big story that's been told and retold a lot. I still haven't seen Deadline Gallipoli (2015) an Australian miniseries about the men who wrote about the battle for the folks back home and were subject to censorship about how bad things really were. For a slightly different perspective, the Turkish director Yesim Sezgin made Çanakkale 1915 in 2012, detailing the Turkish side of the battle. Although most of The Water Diviner (2014) takes place after the war is over, it also covers parts of Gallipoli and while it didn't get great reviews, I enjoy it enough to own it on DVD.

I don't know why all of my favorite WWI films tend to be Australian; Beneath Hill 60 (2010) is another one of my favorites, talking about the 1st Australian Tunneling Company at the Ypres Salient. The War Below (2021) promises to tell a similar story about the Pioneer companies at Messines, responsible for building the huge network of mines there.

Passchendaele (2008) is a Canadian production about the battle of the same name. I'd forgotten I've seen this film, which might not say very much for the story.

Journey's End (2017) is an adaptation of an RC Sheriff play that takes place towards the end of the war in a dugout amongst British officers.

No look at the Great War is complete without a nod to developing military technologies, and this is the war that pioneers the aviation battle for us. I really wish Flyboys (2006) was better than it is, but The Red Baron (2008) makes up for it from the German perspective.

One of the reasons I like reading about the First World War is that everyone is having a revolution. Technology is growing by leaps and bounds, women are fighting for the right to vote, and a lot of colonial possessions are coming into their own, including (but not limited to) Ireland. Rebellion (2016) was a multi-season miniseries that went into the Easter Rising, as well as the role the war played there. Michael Collins (1996) spends more time with the Anglo-Irish war in the 1920s but is still worth watching (or wincing through Julia Roberts' bad accent, you decide.) The Wind that Shakes the Barley covers the same conflict and is excellent.

The centennial of the war meant that in addition to talking about the war, people were also interested in talking about the Armenian Genocide. The Promise (2016) and The Ottoman Lieutenant (2017) came out around the same time and two different looks at the situation in Armenia.

This is a war of poets and writers, of whom we have already mentioned a few. Hedd Wynn ( 1992) which is almost entirely in Welsh, and tells the story of Ellis Evans, a Welsh language poet who was killed on the first day of the Battle of Passchendaele. I think Ioan Gruffudd has read some of his poetry online somewhere, it's very pretty. A Bear Named Winnie (2004) follows the life of the bear who'd become the inspiration for Winnie the Pooh. Tolkien (2019) expands a little on the author's early life and his service during the war. Benediction (2021) will tell the story of Siegfried Sassoon and his time at Craiglockhart Hospital. Craiglockhart is also represented in Regeneration (1997) based on a novel by Pat Barker.

Anzac Girls (2014) is probably my favorite mini-series in the history of EVER; it follows the lives of a group of Australian and New Zealand nurses from hospital duty in Egypt to the lines of the Western Front. I love this series not only because it portrays women (ALWAYS a plus) but gives a sense of the scope of the many theatres of the war that most movies don't. It's based on a book by Peter Rees, which is similarly excellent.

On a similar note, The Crimson Field (2014) explores the lives of members of a Voluntary Aid Detachment, or VADs, lady volunteers without formal nursing training who were sent to help with menial work in hospitals. It only ran for a season but had a lot of potential. Testament of Youth (2014) is based on the celebrated memoirs of Vera Brittain, who served as a VAD for part of the war and lead her to become a dedicated pacifist.

Also, while we're on the subject of women, though these aren't war movies specifically, I feel like the additional color to the early 20th century female experience offered by Suffragette (2015) and Iron-Jawed Angels (2004) is worth the time.

As a general rule, Americans don't talk about World War One, and we sure don't make movies about it, either. The Lost Battalion (2001) tells the story of Major Charles Whittlesey and the 9 companies of the 77th Infantry division who were trapped behind enemy lines during the battle of the Meuse Argonne.

I should add that this list is curtailed a little bit by what's available for broadcast or stream on American television, so it's missing a lot of dramas in other languages. The Road to Calvary (2017) was a Russian drama based on the novels of Alexei Tolstoy. Kurt Seyit ve Şura (2014) is based on a novel and follows a love story between a Crimean officer (a Muslim) and the Russian woman he loves. The show is primarily in Turkish, and Kıvanç Tatlıtuğ, who plays the lead, is *very* attractive.

Finally, although it might seem silly to mention them, Upstairs Downstairs (1971-1975 ) Downton Abbey (2010-2015) and Peaky Blinders (2013-present) are worth a mention and a watch. All of them are large ensemble TV shows that take place over a much longer period than just the Great War, but the characters in each are shaped tremendously by the war.

[jerkbitchidjitassbutt]

It Was You (Part One)

A/N: Jensen and Y/n are childhood best friends. When his agent informs him that his image could use some improvement for a role, will she help him? Or will her feelings get in the way?

A holiday (Christmas centric) Jensen x Female!Reader Best Friends to Lovers series for @spnchristmasbingo. Un-beta’d, so all mistakes are mine. Header created by me with images from Google. Chapter word count: 3371

Series Warnings: break up; angst-ish at times (if you squint), but mostly all the fluff.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is single in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

The slight chill of a Vancouver December morning roused you from a peaceful sleep, making you snuggle further into the down blanket and comfort of your plush bedding. It was two weeks until Christmas and the weather was supposed to be a balmy high of 32 degrees today, so you had planned to stay in, do some shopping online, and stay by your cozy fireplace with every holiday movie you could find. Willing yourself to get five more minutes of shut eye seemed like a helpless feat as the wintry cold seeped into your apartment. You opened your eyes to the gentle prisms of light floating in through the adjacent window, the sunrise indicating it was time to get up for the day.

Sitting up to perch on the side of your bed and grabbing your wide-rimmed glasses from the nightstand, you slid your chilled toes into the warm slippers waiting and shrugged on your fuzziest sweater. It may be time for that fire sooner than you thought.

Padding into your kitchen to get a much-needed caffeine fix after last night’s dinner and drinks with the rest of the cast and crew, you took your favorite mug from the cabinet and loaded the coffee maker, making an extra cup or two for you and any visitors you might have a bit later.

Jensen’s apartment was down the hall, and if you knew him, he’d still be sleeping, but he’d probably wander over at some point this morning. Cradling the mug in your hands warmed them slightly and sent a shiver down your spine. Even your warmest pajamas and the heat from the thermostat did little against the Canadian winds. Laughing slightly to yourself, you’d thought you’d be used to it after six years of winters here.

You wandered towards the windows of your living room to pull back the long curtains. It was a favorite spot to have your coffee and gaze at the sights of Vancouver. Settling on the window seat, you felt a warmth spread through you as you noticed it had snowed in the night, and from the looks of it, it was a depth of fresh, soft powder – a type that you rarely saw growing up in Texas. People were bundled up tightly as they walked the streets, but a few people, adults and kids alike, were already out playing in the thick blanket of snow.

As your coffee began to warm you through, you couldn’t help the giddy feeling of joy that rose at the sight – it made the holiday season and the spirit of it even more intense than just viewing the lights of downtown and the large decorations everywhere. For some reason, snow just sealed it all up in a nice little bow.

Sure enough, about halfway into your second cup of coffee, you heard a key in your door and Jensen shuffled in, still wearing his pj’s with tousled hair, but he had thrown on a thick sweater too.

“Good morning.” You called, still seated at the large window.

“Mornin’ sweetheart.” He replied with a quick wave as he tossed his keys on the counter and waltzed into your kitchen in search of his mug, his voice still thick and gruff with sleep.

He mixed his cream and sugar and took a long sip, letting out a contented sigh after the steaming liquid entered his body. He was notoriously grumpy without his coffee, but he always met you with a sweet greeting when he came over. Walking around your kitchen island and into your open living room, he slumped into the recliner across from you and pulled the leaver to release the footing, allowing him to lean back with his feet up. He adjusted himself to get comfortable, careful to not spill the mug in his hand.

“What time did you get in last night?” you asked, taking another sip from your own cup.

He covered his eyes with his free hand, still obviously tired. “About 2:30. You know how Jared gets when we break for hiatus, he never wants the party to end. He was still talking to me as I was shutting my door.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Jared was the most social person you’d ever met and knowing that he wouldn’t be back to Canada and on set for a month, he would always soak up every little bit of time he had with the cast and crew. Even though Jensen was griping about it now, you knew he also didn’t mind. He’d probably be missing everyone, especially Jared, about four days into the break. You didn’t get home until about 1 a.m., and that was only because you were beginning to doze off in your cocktail.

“Tell Cliff thanks again for driving me home last night. I just couldn’t cut it.”

“Yeah, I know… Lightweight.” Jensen teased.

“Hey, you didn’t have a 5 a.m. set call yesterday like some of us.”

Jensen huffed a small laugh from his seat, still resting his hand across his closed eyes. His sweatpants hung low on his hips and his green Henley stretched across his biceps as he rested his coffee on his thigh. A slight 5 o’clock shadow and the bedhead he was sporting all combined into a handsome image. He may be your best friend, but you could still appreciate the looks the man was blessed with.

Seemingly close to falling back asleep, you called to him in a hushed voice, “Jay. If you want to go back to sleep just put your coffee mug on the table, okay?”

“Hmmmph. No, I’m up.” He fibbed, as evident from the way he blinked widely once he opened his eyes again. Forcing himself to stand, otherwise he would really fall back asleep instead of just resting his eyes, he walked towards you with his cup, dragging his feet slightly as his legs sluggishly pulled him across the room. His head was down and his shoulders were wilted, but he was trying to get his body moving.

When he reached you, you felt his chest bump your shoulder before he rested his cheek on the crown of your head, his arm dangling by his side as he slumped. He took a deep breath before rubbing his hand across your back and standing, smiling as you peered up at him with a grin.

Licking his lips, he finally peered out to the streets below and his eyes went wide, “Y/n!” he practically shouted.

You flinched, “What? What’d I do?”

“You didn’t tell me it snowed!”

Giving a huff and a giggle, you couldn’t help but be sarcastic, “I’m sorry, was I supposed to while you were falling asleep in my chair?! Besides… it’s Canada. It’s not like snow is very rare here.”

“Y/n! That’s, like, snow! The kind we used to wish for when we were kids!”

“I know, I thought that too.”

“Well, c’mon!” he said, setting his cup down on the ledge. “We gotta go!”

“What? Go where?”

Jensen was already halfway through your living room and heading for the front door but paused to turn and point a finger in your direction, “You, me, snowman. Now.”

“Jay,” You whined. “It’s cold and its early. You sure you don’t want to just watch Netflix?”

“Y/n!” he said once again, looking as excited as a 12-year-old on a snow day from school. “Snowman! Please?” he begged, waving his arms frantically as he gestured outside.

“Okay, okay. Fine. No need to use your puppy eyes on me. I’ll meet you outside in 15 minutes.”

With that, a huge grin broke out on his face and he took off down the hall, leaving you to go in search of your heaviest ski jacket.

Jensen knocked on your door soon after you shrugged into the puffy coat, dressed in thick snow pants, his own jacket, and a black beanie and gloves with a small bag in his hand. Straitening your scarf before locking your door, he barely gave you a moment to put on your knitted pom beanie before he was pulling you by your hand towards the elevator of your building and pushing you out of the revolving doors into the frigid air. Heading to the side where a large park sat adjacent to your complex, he looked around before tugging you along to a spot with a large open space. He nodded to himself, as if to say he’d found the perfect place for his snowman-building escapade. As your boots crunched beneath you, you each began gathering handfuls of snow to make a large base, then packed and sculpted two more spheres. Though you initially protested, you had to admit that it was fun, and the coldness against your cheeks wasn’t bad after a bit, particularly after seeing how happy Jensen was when his finished product towered over yours. He’d managed to gather the majority of the snow within about a six-foot radius of where his snowman stood before piling it high.

“Hey, hey… look at that. An accurate height difference!” He touted, teasing you.

“Oh, hush you. It’s not my fault that you were given the extended version of the human body.” You glared at him playfully.

He laughed as he bent to rummage in the bag he’d brought, producing two carrots. He wiggled them in his hands before handing one to you. He was just about to place it in a very telling place when you grabbed a handful of snow and threw it in his direction.

“Jensen!” You berated. “That’s not where the carrot goes! There’s kids out here!”

He stood up slowly, turning to you with a serious smirk, “Did you seriously just throw a snowball at me?”

Wiping your hand on your pantleg quickly, you gave him a mischievous grin, “Who, me? I’d never.”

“Oh, its on!” he declared as he bent to scoop up the little bit of remaining snow in his reach, that which he hadn’t used for his snowman.

Ducking behind your own, he threw and missed, sending the snow flying passed you. A quick grab from around you produced another snowball that you chucked from behind your shield, hitting him square in the chest. The fight lasted for a good while, the two of you trying your hardest to target the other as many times as possible and receiving some laughs and glances from passersby as they walked along the sidewalk. Finally, Jensen gave up and took off towards you, chasing you in circles before he tackled you into the plush ice, pinning you beneath him as he tried to bury you both.

“Jay! Oh my God, stop! Its freezing!” you yelled through your laughter.

“Truce?” he asked, his eyebrows raised in a challenge.

He was still on top of you, his nose and cheeks a bit flushed from the wintry air. He still had that devilish smirk on his face, but his green eyes were soft and something beneath them made your heart flutter slightly in your chest. He scanned your face quickly before glancing towards your lips, but you were quick to snatch another fistful of snow to smash onto his head. Scrambling out from underneath him, you ran as he said something about you being a cheater before he jumped to his feet.

After the war ended and a truce was finally declared, you both put the finishing touches on your snowmen after you found sticks for the arms and coerced Jensen to put the carrot in the right spot. He stood back proudly, admiring your handiwork.

“Hey.” He gestured to you, “C’mere.”

A bit warry that he was going to tackle you again, you came to his side as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and turned on the camera. Pulling you into him, he said, “Gotta have evidence of our masterpieces.” He reached around your waist and tugged you in close, framing both of you and your snowmen in the background. The cold air made the tip of your nose and the apples of your cheeks change in color, and there was still some snow in your hair from when Jensen wrestled you, but both of you smiled widely. Feeling the scruff of his short beard against your temple and his arms wrapped around you made you think about the way his eyes danced across your face moments ago, but the thought was quickly dismissed as he stepped away from you slightly after he made sure the picture wasn’t too blurry.

“Oh, crap. Is that what time it is?” he said, alarmed, looking at his phone screen. “I have to meet Stacy in an hour.”

Stacy was his publicist and agent, but he usually didn’t meet with her during the hiatus. “You’re meeting Stacy today? What’s up?” you asked, a bit confused.

“She wants to talk to me about this movie. Some sort of romantic drama she thought I may be good for.”

“Oh,” you replied, “that’s great! You didn’t tell me! Would you have to cut back filming the show?” While you were a bit surprised, you were genuinely happy for him.

“Stacy knows Supernatural comes first, so I hope not.”

“Well, let’s get inside so you can warm up and change. I was going to make my mom’s chili and cornbread for dinner tonight, if you want to join me after your meeting.”

The excitement on his face was palpable as his eyes lit up the moment you said it, “You know how much I love your mom’s chili. We’re just meeting for coffee near her office, so I’ll bring the beer.”

As you were walking back into the building, your phone rang. It was Stephen, your boyfriend of three months.

“Stephen, hey.” You said as you entered the elevator, not missing the slight eyeroll that Jensen gave.

“Hey, honey. How are you? I didn’t want to call too early, just in case you were still sleeping after last night.”

“I’m good, thanks. Actually, just got done building a snowman with Jensen.”

A short silence followed, until Stephen spoke up again. “Oh, that’s nice.” He said, his voice noticeably clipped. “Well, I’m going to take my lunch break soon. Would you like to meet up? I can come to your side of town.”

“Uh, sure. I’ll meet you at that café on 3rd in about a half an hour?”

“Sounds great. See you there.”

Shoving your phone back in your pocket, you ignore Jensen’s stare as the elevator climbed to your floor.

“So…” he pressed. “Stephen?”

“Yeah, Stephen. We’re going to meet up for lunch while you have your meeting.”

“Hmph.” He huffed.

“Jay, we’ve known each other our whole lives and to this day you’ve never liked a single guy I’ve ever dated. What’s wrong with Stephen?”

“I don’t know. He’s just kind of… meh.”

He wasn’t lying, if you were being truthful. Stephen was meh. He was cute and had nice eyes and dimples, but he didn’t make you laugh. He was a bit dull and your sense of humor didn’t mesh with his well. Still, you thought that it might get a bit better once you got to know each other and began to understand one another more. Your relationship was still very casual, but maybe it could go further? You weren’t really sure, honestly.

“What about you and Laura?” you asked, quickly changing the subject.

“I told you… that was nothing.” He quipped as you reached your door. “We went on like three dates.”

“Yeah, the last one being just this past week.”

“Yeah, and it just didn’t go well.”

You let out a small sigh. Discussing your dating lives wasn’t really something the two of you loved to do with each other. Maybe when you were teenagers, yeah. You’d asked each other for advice and gossiped a bit about the people in your high school, but as you grew into adults it just became a subject you both steered away from besides the occasional, hey I’ve got a date conversation. Neither of you had ever really found a person that the other approved of, each finding a reason to be picky every time.

“I’m sorry, Jay. I’m just deflecting.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I was pushing.” He said sincerely with a small smile. “Well, you enjoy lunch. My meeting’s at 1:30 across town, so I should be back by 4 at the latest. Pick out a movie for us, okay?”

“Sounds great. I will.” With that, he kissed you quickly on the side of your head and went into his apartment as you ducked into yours. You freshened up quickly and changed, grabbing a different peacoat, hat, and scarf as your others were still wet.

It was a short walk to the café, and they had good sandwiches. You were surprisingly hungry, so you were glad to see Stephen waiting outside for you. He gripped your hand tightly and gave you a quick kiss in greeting before leading you into the restaurant. You were seated and ordered quickly, knowing that he would have to return to work soon.

“So, how has your day been?” You asked as you shrugged off your coat, hanging it on the chair behind you.

“It’s been… good.” He muttered.

“Uh oh,” You said, getting his attention as he looked away from you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, really. I was just surprised to hear that you were with Jensen today. You had mentioned you were going to stay home.”

Stephen smiled, almost in an attempt to let you know that he was trying to be lighthearted about it, but you could tell it bothered him.

“Yeah, when he saw it snowed last night, he just really wanted to make a snowman.” You laughed, trying to steer away from the subject. Stephan wasn’t overstepping, but he also wasn’t going to prevent you from spending time with Jensen. The two of you had been inseparable since, well, practically since birth. Your parents had been the best of friends, so you were pretty much raised together.

“Have you, um…” Stephen began, hesitantly. “I know you’ve been friends forever, but have you ever had feelings for him?”

His blue eyes shown with a slight jealousy as you felt a slight pang to your heart.

“No, of course not.” You managed to say with a steady voice and a smile as you picked up your napkin to place in your lap.

It was a lie, one that you’d been telling for years. At one point in your life, you were in love with Jensen. But, the past was in the past. If Jensen didn’t even know, why should Stephen?

Stephen seemed satisfied with your response for the most part, and the two of you had a pleasant lunch. When you stepped away to use the restroom, your phone chimed. Stephen tried not to even look towards your side of the table where your phone sat, but when he saw Jensen’s name, he read the text quickly before the screen dimmed.

Hey, sweetheart. Finishing up here soon and then I’ll be heading home. Do you need me to grab anything from the store?

Stephen knew the two of you were a package deal, and thought he could honestly be alright with it, but between working together and spending practically all of your time together, he was starting to wonder where he fit in in your life. He busied himself by checking his Instagram as he thought about what he should do and found that Jensen had tagged you in a photo from this morning. The caption was simple, just a few words about the filming hiatus and the first snow of the season, but the two of you were so close. Stephen found himself wishing that you could reserve a smile like that for him, but he had yet to see it.

It hurt, but he knew he couldn’t play second fiddle to Jensen. He cared about you, but perhaps it was better to bow out now.

“Hey, sorry about that.” You said brightly as you got back to the table, smiling. It still didn’t reach your eyes, though.

Stephen leaned forward on his elbows with a sigh, “Y/n, I think we should talk.”

To be continued...

Tags below (if your tag is strikethrough, it wouldn’t let me use it):

Forevers:

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Jensen Only

@mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk​

[silentfcknhill]

FAVORITE SHOWS IN POSTERS

Well, we’re back for another installment of this tagged meme, this time for TV shows! I also stole this from/was indirectly tagged by @jcmorrigan. My taste in shows also differs a bit from my taste in movies, as I tend to like a lot of comedy shows with not as many horror ones. I’m not into shows as much as movies overall, but there are some that I am very passionate about so I picked twenty again. So, here we go for part 2, in order:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender/The Legend Of Korra (2005-2014)

I'm including these as one show since they take place in the same universe and tell a continuation of the same overall plot. Altogether this is probably the best piece of media to ever exist, including movies. It has so many great characters and villains especially and some of the most epic sequences, charming humor and heartwarming moments ever. I've never met a person who didn't like these shows, even people who normally don't like cartoons. My dad, who is biased against animation? He loved it. My mother? She loved it, watched it with her multiple times. My grandmother? Loved it. My ex-boyfriend? Loved it. My best friend? Loved it. I dare anyone not to, and I'm so glad it's making a resurgence since it's on Netflix for a new generation to enjoy.

2. Black Butler (2008-2014)

I never was big into anime growing up and only really started watching anime when I was like 16 and above, but this is one of the exceptions because holy shit is it ever dark and epic. I'm not sure I'd really recommend it for kids, it's more of a teens and young adults kind of anime and that's probably why it's so good, because it isn't afraid to explore dark and mature topics and do it with all of the intensity and gravitas required to do said topics justice. It has lots of great characters, and the story of demons who make deals with children who have a dark side is fun to watch play out.

3. Seinfeld (1989-1998)

My dad was a huge fan of this show so I watched it growing up since I was a toddler and it became a classic for me. I've watched thw hole show through at least 8 times, and I'll never stop because it never gets old or boring. It's also my only comfort show when I'm having a panic attack because of one time a few years ago when I was having a drug-induced psychosis episode and watching it calmed me down, so now it's like the opposite of a trigger and whenever I'm having an episode or something I watch it to bring me back to reality. For that reason it's more than a show to me, it's a medical treatment and I'm forever grateful to it.

4. The Good Place (2016-2020)

The big four shows made my Michael Schur all made it on this post (The Good Place, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Office and Parks And Recreation), either in the main list of the honorable mentions, but this is my personal favorite of the four. It's so funny, quirky, relatable and basically tailor-made to suit my interests. Not only is it an entertaining and wholesome show, but I think watching it helped me come to terms with a lot of things like mortality, ethics, philosophy, religion and my relationships with other people. It gets  alot of different viewpoints across and if you're a very analytical and philosophical person like me you'll probably enjoy seeing it all play out. Not to mention, every single character is 'favorite character' material. It's rare you find a show with no filler characters in the main cast, but I genuinely can't choose who is best.

5. Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013-?)

Another of Michael Schur's shows, this one is just barely under The Good Place and to be honest it was tough to pick my favorite between the two because they're both equally funny. I know it's kind of controversial right now because of the whole law enforcement thing, but I actually think they do a good job of handling social issues in the show and remaining respectful of real-life systemic problems. As for the characters, this is another one of those shows where every single character is gold and I think that tends to be a trend among Schur's shows in general. He produces damn good comedy, and damn good characters. I can't wait to see what they bring next.

6. Rick And Morty (2013-?)

This is unfortunately one of those cases of 'great show, horrible fandom' and for that reason I don't get involved in the fandom even though I love the show. It's a shame because it really is a great show, so funny and, again, such good characters. I think it's a lot more accessible than the fandom likes to claim, so I'm hoping more people will give it a chance and not get put off by the intellectual elitism of the fandom because it does have some of the most entertaining and batshit crazy episodes ever, poking fun of some of the staples of science fiction in media while also poking fun of itself the whole time. Unlike the fandom, the show doesn't take itself seriously and that's enjoyable nowadays.

7. Orange Is The New Black (2013-2019)

While this show is a comedy, it is also a lot of other things and it's probably made me ugly-cry just as many times as it's made me laugh. Well, maybe not as often, but those few scenes (if you've watched the show then you know the ones I'm talking about) made me hysterically sob hard enough to be worth like fifty minor sads. But I didn't even mind because the show is just that good, and it makes you /feel/ something in a real way. Probably because of just how real it gets in terms of telling stories that happen all the time in the real world, sometimes with inevitably tragic endings. But these things do happen every day, and it's important to shine a light on that. It's not just representation for LGBTQ+ but also for POC, the neurodiverse, the poor, and many more. Give it a watch to broaden your perspective!

8. Big Mouth (2017-?)

This is probably the grossest show I've ever seen but by god is it ever funny. Maybe it's because I have an immature sense of humor or something, but I love this show. It definitely won't be everyone's cup of tea and I don't recommend you watch this show with anyone else around because it will get awkward. I think part of its appeal to me is that everyone I talk to who likes it considers it so relatable to their lives growing up but for someone like me who grew up on the autism and asexual spectrum and who was physically an early-bloomer by years, nothing about this show is relatable to me in any way so it makes it all the more crazy and bizarre watching how the people around me must have experienced things. Did y'all really have these experiences with puberty in middle school???

9. Dexter (2006-2013)

I recently heard that this show is coming back for a reboot soon and I'm so excited because this is my absolute favorite drama/thriller show, as evidenced by the fact that it's the highest one on the list so far that isn't a comedy. I love the idea of having a protagonist who is sort of a villain (or at least morally dubious), and the idea of a serial killer who only kills bad people is particularly satisfying for some reason. Maybe because he's the vigilante we all deserve and want in this unjust and evil world of modern times? Idk but the very premise of this show set it up for big things and aside from the ending I think it delivered consistently.

10. Once Upon A Time (2011-2018)

This show took us on some journeys, and you can't deny that. Sure, maybe it didn't always finish what it started and didn't always end in the most satisfying way, but part of its charm is that you didn't care because the experience was just so much fun. They took characters and stories that have been told to death and somehow managed to put a unique and unexpected twist on them, and that alone is admirable. Good twists, good villains, and pretty much every cliffhanger known to man will keep you hooked on binge-watching every episode.

11. RuPaul's Drag Race (2009-?)

A bit different than the other entries on my list in that it's not fiction but a reality competition show, but I couldn't leave Drag Race out because it's just so fucking iconic and perfect. Even when you disagree with the judges or can't stand a certain contestant you'll still be having a good time. It's got the personalities you love to love, the ones you love to hate, and the comedy that's completely meme-able. I mean just how much has this show contributed to pop culture and the internet? More than most of us, henny. I've watched every single season, even the international ones and all of the spinoffs. This show will probably be on for another thirty years when Ru is throwing shade from a hospital bed and I'll still be watching.

12. House (2004-2012)

Some people hate on this show, and I don't get it. I love House. Yes, he's an ass. That's the point. He's supposed to be unlikeable, and that's why I like him. Maybe because I always love the rude, sarcastic, misanthropic jerkass-genius characters for some reason. And I also love procedural shows, so it's a win-win. I also work in the healthcare field so it appeals to me for that reason too, because obviously the whole premise is outlandish which is what makes it funny. Of course it's not realistic for a hospital, so just enjoy the absurdity and don't get too hung up on the details of medical accuracy and professional ethics and you'll be fine.

13. The Office (2005-2013)

The third of Michael Schur's show and the last one that made the main list (sorry Parks And Rec, I love you too but there was just so many good shows to choose from and I saw you last so the nostalgia isn't as strong!) I don't think I need to hype this show up any, it's already a classic and you can't even turn around online without getting hit in the face by a dozen Office memes. You'll have to pry this show and it's relatable characters (especially Michael Scott) from my cold, dead hands.

14. All Hail King Julien/The Penguins Of Madagascar (2008-2017)

Like Avatar/Korra, I also consider this as one show for the sake of this list because it also takes place in the same universe (Madagascar, specifically) and I just couldn't choose one over the other because they're both so perfect. They're funny and I love all the characters (it cut out the weaker links of the Madagascar film series and just focuses on expanding the standout side-characters like King Julien and the penguins). It also delved into some lore, particularly the first show, and even though I didn't also agree with the directions it took (you may have seen me get salty about the ending because I cared too much), I can't deny how much I love it.

15. Bones (2005-2017)

One of the other scarce non-comedy shows on this list, it still has it's funny moments. It's also, like House, another procedural show that involves some medical stuff, but this time on a more scientific and forensic level which is even more interesting. It's nice to see a lead female with Asperger's, too. There's a lot of cop/law enforcement shows where they try to solve crimes, but this one is the best, and I'm saying that as a fan of CSI as well. Don't fight me on this, I'm right. Oh yes, it's corny, it's campy, it's cheesy, but I love every minute of it. Don't watch if you have a weak stomach though.

16. The Simpsons (1989-?)

We all grew up with this show, don't lie. It's been around longer than most people on tumblr have even been alive. Should it have ended seasons ago? Hell yes. But that doesn't take away what the first like 20 or so seasons gave us (there's a lot of argument about when the show jumped the shark, for me it wasn't until much later than the popular consensus). The characters are amazing, but the secret to the show's longevity is that they always return to status quo and there's comfort and nostalgia in that. Bart will still be in 4th grade when you're out there pushing 90. This show is persistent. This show is eternal. This show will outlive us all.

17. Ash Vs. Evil Dead (2015-2018)

Sorely underrated. This show is hilarious, gruesome and campy as hell and I love it. I don't think you necessarily have to watch the Evil Dead movies beforehand in order to get the plot of the show, although it would probably help. In my opinion this show ended way too soon and I'm hoping someday we'll get a comeback because Ash is the reluctant, self-absorbed hero we all need and it's 2020 so at this point there really might actually be a demon-zombie apocalypse and who's gonna save us then if not for the impulsive womanizer with a chainsaw for a hand?

18. Malcolm In The Middle (2000-2006)

Another show I grew up with, I don't think it gets as much credit as it deserves. It has some damn funny episodes and great characters, and it did a lot of the popular sitcom tropes before they were 'cool'. Some other great sitcoms, The Middle in particular, took a lot of influence from this show and it helped pave the way for the future of sitcoms at a time when they were about to make a comeback. If you want a good show about the real experiences of growing up, this is a much more accurate representation of the highs and lows of being an awkward tween from a dysfunctional home.

19. A Series Of Unfortunate Events (2017-2019)

Unlike most people I actually liked the movie version from the early 2000's, and I read the books growing up so I was excited when I saw there was a live action television adaptation of it on Netflix because I felt like they cancelled the movie franchise too soon. I was interested to see how new actors would handle the roles, and I was not disappointed. I wouldn't say I liked either portrayal of the characters better or worse, they both added their own twist to it and this show is a great and loyal adaptation to the books, probably because the author was so heavily involved. He knew just when to stick to the books and when to improve upon what he had done with the benefit of hindsight. This show is basically the books, but remastered.

20. Winx Club (2004-?)

Sort of an odd one out on this list, but I really love this show even as an adult and it may surprise you to learn it is still going on and the most recent season came out last year. They take big breaks sometimes in between seasons, but it's still going strong and in multiple countries. The only thing I don't like about watching this show is all the different and inconsistent dubs since the original show is Italian and each dub only goes for a couple seasons so by the time you get used to one set of voices/names for the characters oyu have to abruptly switch to another, but it's still worth it for the beautiful animation and cool characters (especially the villains!)

Honorable Mentions: 

13 Reasons Why, America's Next Top Model, American Horror Story, Arrested Development, Bates Motel, Battlestar Galactica, Black Mirror, Care Bears, Chernobyl, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Criminal, CSI, Duck Dodgers, Goosebumps, Kenny Vs. Spenny, Kim Possible, Kingdom Hospital, Lazytown, Lost, Making A Murderer, Mayday, Mindhunter, Modern Family, Monster High, Obsession: Dark Desires, Parks And Recreation, Prison Break, Project Runway, Queer As Folk, Queer Eye, Salem, Schitt's Creek, SCTV, Spongebob Squarepants, The Emperor's New School, The Good Doctor, The Haunting Of Hill House/Bly Manor, The Middle, The Pretender, The Walking Dead, The X-Files, Through The Wormhole, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Unsolved Mysteries, Yugioh

Tagging: @bullet-farmer​ and anyone else who wants to!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 19: Yugi and the Only Neck Accessory He Didn’t Really Want to Wear

Been busy! Hopefully stuff will open up soon as I’m taking a hiatus on a different quarantine project and will be finishing painting the entire roof of my car this week? One can hope. Sanding the rust off the whole top of a car takes a long time it turns out?

Also, fun Yugioh fact, I recently painted a book cover for an author who is older so she’s never seen the show, and she looked at my tumblr, saw my Duke Devlin fanart and was like “That’s him. That’s my main character. OMG. You captured him perfectly!” and I was like “Ma’am that is Duke Devlin, hence the single dice earring on his lobes there, but we can work with this.” and now a spiritual Duke Devlin is on the cover of a Wuxia-style fantasy trilogy on the Vella. Had to give him a top knot and delete the eyeliner for Wuxia reasons but uh, that’s just Duke.

So long story short, fanart can get you work, don’t even worry about posting that stuff online because most people don’t even know it’s fanart anyway and older ladies freakin love it.

Back in Yugioh, the team was doing their best to navigate a map through the woods and they do about as well as they normally do.

And inside Tristan lifted up the floorboards and was like “I found the only way out, this is it, this is the only way.”

And they ended up in something that has a color scheme I would actually associate with a jungle. Finally. We have finally left California (in order to go to another Hell.)

Youknow, when we went to California, we visited Hell, and when we went to India, we also took a stop at the nearest death destination. There’s just so much death on this show and sometimes I forget because there’s been a ghost in our party for so freakin long it’s been normalized.

(read more death imagery under the cut)

Joey freaks out at a flock of crows and reveals in this episode something I never realized about him before.

Like I’m not always the perfect observer as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but I love that this is canon for probably only this episode, but I will never forget it for the entirety of this series.

You go on hating birds, Joey.

Bro was like “Maybe it’s a deep cut about Mai Valentine because she’s a harpy lady” but eh...pretty sure we spent like an entire season of Joey telling us that Mai was a good experience? Would be incredibly funny if immediately after all of S4, Joey was like “You know what? Screw Mai, guys.”

So my thoughts...it’s probably just a literal bird experience. Like I had a friend who hated deer because once she went to a petting zoo, got some pellets to feed the deer, but her finger was sticking up, so when the deer came over to nibble on some pellets her finger went up it’s nose by accident. She was so disgusted by this event that was entirely her fault, that she brought up how much she hated deer basically whenever we saw one.

So like...maybe Joey fed a bird wrong at a petting zoo. I can see him getting bit by a parrot because he was too Joey Wheeler.

But now that we’re in a graveyard neighborhood, Pharaoh decides to hop out because there’s a lot of ghosts here and he needs to practice socializing with his peers.

So that’s just a Yugioh monster doing the ostrich dance, right? Like this is a meme from like 2010 but on Yugioh in 2003(4?)

Good to see the Ostrich dance here in the land before Vine.

So they pull out their Pokemon to do some antics, Tea looked like she was about to do something useful, and Yami does a yump across time and space to get her as far away from playing (not)cards as quickly as possible and y’all...sure was a position these animators animated.

Holy crap.

And I was going off about that scene last season where they woke up in the same bed like...

...have these two been together this entire time? Like together together?

They’re like...way more comfortable than you’d figure they’d be considering Yugi nearly passes out every time he gets a hug. But Yami just like....How long has this been going on? As long as Joey’s fear of birds?

Like obviously this show would never cover what the hell Yugi may be thinking about this overreaching move here, because we’re gonna gloss right over that, and just run away up a flight of stairs. No one mentions this ever again. Which is mind blowing for an anime to do. I think in most anime I watch, the kids would be like “ahh ahhhh I bumped into a booooob!” like it does for I want to say every other episode of My Hero Academia. But in Yugioh, they saw that low hanging fruit and they were like “we expect a higher level of maturity out of our audience. Now here’s a fleet of ostrich dancing tree monsters with faces for crotches.”

They decided to sprint up this flight of stairs, and it enough of a slope to deter the monsters who are only unbalanced weird legs.

I want us to take a moment and admire this background painting. I can’t unsee the rocks that are all the same size, just piled on top of eachother. Did Alexander the Great just plop rocks here--or was the mountain made up of tons of similarly shaped boulders?

Like there’s a lot of nice bg’s in this arc, don’t get me wrong, but this one...I’m just trying to wrap my head around the logic of it.

At the top, they meet a pantheon, that is immediately blocked by this wall, because if this arc had a tagline, it’s “Yugi gets inconvenienced every 4 seconds.”

Bro was like “Clearly they would have pushed it over if Tea wasn’t slacking off” and like...she is actually. Look at her. Only used one hand? Slacker.

Joey was disappointed he couldn’t push over a massive wall, and the team decided not to analyze how much Joey Wheeler thinks of his own strength and instead fixate on these statues.

Usually in anthro characters they kinda look birdlike but act human. But what about an anthro that’s just a bird? Like human torso, but can turn his head 180 degrees? Yugioh made me ask this question.

And then Joey was like “wait, there may be a solution that isn’t just to use brute strength!”

Youknow it is a bummer that Kaiba couldn’t witness Joey own a dragon while he himself only has a robot jet dragon. Although, the jet is probably faster, stronger and overall...better than this baby dragon. It would have been great for Kaiba to witness Joey under-utilize this dragon and forget he has it for like huge swatches of the episode.

And then Grandpa pulled some body horror out of nowhere.

Wow.

I mean that is really gross.

I guess Grandpa can’t use Blue eyes, because Kaiba ripped it up, Grandpa can’t use Exodia because Weevil tossed it off a boat, and grandpa can’t use the card that’s just a building because...it’s a building.

So instead Grandpa has a bunch of meat and bones that look like something out of Doom. It’s probably from a more obscure Konami property, but I forget which.

I’ve seen Tristan hold back Joey in this hold, first time it’s been Tea.

So much shipping in this episode, it’s wild.

It’s also wild how low my standards are for what could possibly be shipping when it comes to Yugioh because of how freakin tepid all of these characters are, which as I’ve brought up before, I really don’t mind.

So Yugi decides that because Grandpa was folding his arms like one monster and it made a gem light up or something, to just do the video game thing and use the giant ass statues as clues.

Why was this arc not a video game? Like parts of it really feel like it was meant to be.

So Yugi falls down a hole, where the walls cave in like it’s that dumpster in Star Wars but like...it barely phases him.

Also...Yugi might be able to see in the dark. It’s never been brought up but like...the more I think about it...has Yugi ever struggled to see without the lights on?

After Joey disappoints everyone, he confronts death.

And Pharaoh and Yugi decide to solve the puzzle of “how do I get out of this trap dungeon room” which, honestly, is probably what they’re doing every time they hang out in the brain pyramid.

So they summon their mascot monster, and surprisingly the show decided its ability to fly cannot help them out here.

Kuriboh manages to become enough of a doormat to push Yami up to the stone and they end up in a set of weird cuts that ended in this?

Like seriously it was like flashes of light and then they were just...up here like this.

Hey like...

Alexander the Great, my man...

Were you planning to put that stone in the middle of a exhaust vent hoping someone would touch it? Because there’s no way anyone would rationally have done that. You would need to fly to do it. This is the world’s worst DM.

Like Yugioh pulls a lot of fantasy nonsense but this arc is a lot more like a “it’s a kid’s show, just go with it.” arc than most of them. It’s not a bad vibe, necessarily, it’s just not the vibe I’m used to.

So once I witnessed maybe the most boring conversation I’ve ever witnessed about corn (this was on a twitch stream, by the way, a guy was playing an interesting game, and then a guest came on and started talking about corn and plants for 2 hours) and they would not shut up about how all taxonomy is wrong because there are no such thing as trees and how all animals are labelled incorrectly, and then they started comparing it to like all sorts of mushrooms and phytoplankton as you would if you clearly got a little bit high before dumping your corn knowledge on a twitch stream.

Anyway, after that bizarre experience I suffered so I could learn how to play an obscure video game, I think I can safely say, that while I know everyone here thinks a bird can’t be a dog. If you’re a high biologist: a bird is absolutely a dog. Apparently you can just do that if you’re the most boring biologist alive and no one will argue with you because to do that would involve talking to you. We’ll just say a bird is a dog and no one can fight me or I will talk about the corn book that this guest on this twitch chat was thinking about renting from the library about the different types of corn mutations inherent in freakin Indiana. Therefore, Joey’s fear of birds and dogs is same.

So they use Dark Magician to save them from the statues, and Yugi busts into the pantheon again because they got to open this casket before a time limit that I kind of forgot about, tbh.

And inside the casket, is...this thing!

(enjoy this line on the bottom of the image I don’t feel like fixing it)

And you may say to yourself...it looks like it’s just floating in mid-air, that’s silly, and so I want to introduce you to the next panel where you can see that it is...quite literally...just floating in the air like a video game.

and it just slurps itself onto Yugi before he can be like “nonono.”

Wasn’t there some horror movie where you were stuck in some sort of body brace that slowly tortures you (was that Saw?) This has that vibes. Like man that looks uncomfortable to wear over a jacket and two belts and a collar that is another belt.

That and I...I gotta appreciate that Yugi popped his collar while wearing body armor and chunky necklace. What 00′s fashion appreciation right there.

Bit like...this isn’t breathable, right? Like Yugi’s gonna finally take this thing off and his jacket will just be completely soaked in sweat?

Anyway, that’s it for this post, next week we’ll see if Yugi can walk through a doorway in that thing.

Also, I can’t bring up the ostrich dance without sharing the vines of my generation

[adhd-adept]

I have self diagnosed adhd and i was wondering if you could provide some advice regarding reading. I used to be able to just pick up a book and read when i was younger, but now that I'm older it's a bit difficult to just pick up a book and read for the sake of reading. I love reading, but i just can't seem to motivate myself to.

Any advice? I'd really love to get back into reading, but I'm trying to find a way to do it easier

Hello! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, I’ve been mostly off Tumblr for a little while. I saw this some time ago at 3AM and thought “this deserves a more coherent response than I can give right now” and then forgot that this blog existed for several days.

That said, I absolutely have some advice for reading! I was a big reader as a kid, too, and I’ve recently had to re-discover reading after a long gap in any time spent sitting down with an honest-to-goodness book. There are a number of things you might consider!

DISTRACTIONS

First and foremost, recognize the reason it is difficult to read! For me, it is because reading isn’t the most interesting thing available. That doesn’t mean I don’t love reading! If I can manage to sit down and read a book, it is immensely satisfying - but it’s the satisfaction of the effort you put into something paying off. My favorite hobbies - drawing, writing, reading - are my favorite because of that sense of accomplishment that they give me. 

I love the feeling of holding a book and watching my bookmark move through the pages each time I set it down. However, it doesn’t give me the same instant gratification of reading wikipedia, or tvtropes, or scrolling Tumblr, or checking notifications on social media; even when I am unsatisfied, or even frustrated, with the internet, it can be very hard to put down. I know that people will tell you all the time “You need to put your phone down more!!” It gets old. But they have a point. What people don’t tell you is how to do that. 

For me, that tends to be about making it inconvenient for myself to get online, or do whatever is distracting me. This doesn’t necessarily mean making it completely unavailable. The distraction just needs to be less available than the task I want to do. I am the kind of person who gets online out of muscle memory, and then gets stuck there. Thus, many of my tricks rely on disrupting the muscle memory that lets you pick up distractions. I will put my laptop charger in another room, so that my screen time is limited to its battery life. I might tie a string around my laptop, or tape it closed, so when I go to open it I will be reminded “Oh yeah, I don’t want to do this right now.” I will occasionally rearrange the apps on my phone, so when I try to open Instagram and end up with the weather app instead, the thought of “wait, how did i get here” will snap me out of the thoughtless habits that led me to pick up my phone in the first place. I’ve even gone so far as to tape my phone to the ceiling. Whatever works.

If the weather permits, I might also walk a little ways down the block and find somewhere to sit and read. This can come with its own distractions, but it gets me away from my laptop, and I get a tiny bit more exercise and sunshine than I would have otherwise! This depends, of course, on whether you have transportation and whether you feel safe. But getting yourself out of the house can be a great way to get away from the things that would otherwise draw you away from reading. If you have a local cafe or library that permits you to sit and stay, those are also great options! I will bring my phone when I leave the house, but I might put it at the bottom of my bag, or put a bit of scotch tape over the power button, so that I have my phone in case of emergency but it’s just slightly inconvenient to get to without thinking about it.

It may not be the internet distracting you. But whatever the distraction is, it doesn’t need to be less compelling than reading. It just needs to be less readily available than your book is!

ENTHUSIASM

Another thing that prevents me from reading is that it often doesn’t have the same sense of urgency that other tasks might, whether that urgency is real or not. Give yourself a time limit! I may own books I haven’t read yet, but I will get to a book sooner if I have borrowed it from the library, because I know there is a deadline to return it! 

You can also get other people involved. If you have a friend who wants to read the same book, commit to a chapter or two a week and then call to discuss it. 

Or, if you have a friend who would be interested, and you are comfortable with your reading voice, you could read to someone! It might feel weird to offer, but you’d be surprised how many people really do enjoy being read to. If you both have time in your schedules, you could try to set up a regular call to get through a few chapters at a time. 

Generally, having a friend who likes the book is great for maintaining enthusiasm, even if they’re not reading it with you - I get to books faster if someone with similar taste says “This is one of my favorites! You would love it!” If you have a friend who has read the book you plan on reading, announce to them that you intend on reading it. Their enthusiasm might help you feel more compelled to read it, and there’s a good chance that if you don’t sit down and read it, they will remind you by asking “Have you read it yet? What do you think?” the next time you talk to them.

PREPARATION

Another great way to make reading easier is to set up a reading space beforehand. It’s one thing to pick up a book and say “I’ve been meaning to read this.” It’s another thing to put on some pajama pants, make a cup of tea, and curl a soft blanket around your shoulders before you settle down to read. For one thing, it’s just nice. But more importantly, it can function as a signal that tells your brain “it is Reading Time now. We are in the Reading Zone.”

Do you ever watch a TV show or listen to a podcast, and you let the theme song play on the first episode, and then skip it for the rest? Even if I’ve watched a show before, I will play the theme song on the first episode I watch that day. It’s the same principle - it serves as a transition, an intro that says “this is where I am now, and this is what I’m doing.” Give yourself an intro for reading! Have a certain spot that you like to sit when you read. Have a certain snack you eat beforehand.

I have all kinds of tasks with little “rituals” before them that help me focus on that task, or certain items that I interact with which I associate with it. I call them “declarations of intent,” and once I’ve made a declaration it’s easier to commit to it. Sometimes that means simply saying out loud, “I am going to do the laundry now.” Sometimes it means I wear a certain shirt if I’m planning to go for a walk that day, or drink from a certain mug at breakfast if I want to get some homework done. I have a specific hat that I put on when I want to write a certain character. Try to find something you can do to act as a cue that says “When I do this, then I will read a book.” Because of this, it can help to really lean into whatever the “aesthetic” of reading is, in your mind. Embrace a reading atmosphere!

It may also help to recognize that reading is something you can work your way up to! There is no shame in being out of practice with a hobby. I took my reading proficiency for granted for a long time because it was just a part of my life. It may help to think of reading as a skill! Start with something smaller and work your way up. Pick up a book of short stories or folktales before you tackle that six-book series you’ve heard good things about! Set achievable goals for yourself when you’re setting out. An early success can make a huge difference to morale, and it’s much better to start “too easy” and accomplish something than to jump in at the deep end and be frustrated by an early setback.

FORGIVENESS

On the topic of working your way up to things, I would like to say a word about mindset. It is easy to feel self-critical about things. Things that you think should come more easily to you. Things that you feel like you have no reason not to be able to do. One of the biggest things I’ve done for my ADHD is recognizing that there is always a reason why I behave a certain way. Accepting that allows me to actually address my struggles, rather than just feeling ashamed of them. I’ve had to accept that I won’t always do things that I set out to do the way I set out to do them.

I bring this up because not all of my advice here may work for you. In fact, some of it doesn’t work for me every time - a technique may work once, but I might fail to make a regular habit of it. I may make a regular habit of something, only to have it become less effective as the novelty of it, or my enthusiasm for it, wears off. I may eventually talk myself out of implementing an effective strategy because there is some part of it that I find unpleasant; or an intentional unpleasantness I once found motivating may eventually become intolerable.

That’s okay. I’m telling you now, it’s okay if that happens. It’s okay if the first method you try doesn’t work. Don’t set yourself up to feel frustrated. If you become frustrated, take a step back. If you borrow a library book and you still haven’t read it by the due date, just give it back. If you don’t actually enjoy the first book you pick up, put it down and try a different one. If you feel badly about not reading something your friend wants you to read, be honest and tell them you have a hard time sitting down, and that you don’t want to disappoint them if they keep asking, but that you will let them know once you have started it!

It can be easy to convince myself that feeling badly about something means it’s important to me, and that maybe if I feel bad about not doing something, it  motivate me to do it. There is a balance between making commitments, and not committing to anything that is just going to distress me. Sometimes there is a benefit to a sense of pressure, but I have to recognize when the pressure I create turns into frustration. That’s a fine line to walk! For all I speak of inconveniencing yourself, or holding yourself accountable, your strategies should ultimately feel satisfying, and show results fairly quickly! You may not see immediate results, but if it has been several days and your strategy isn’t working out, change tactics! And the moment you feel apologetic or ashamed about the thing you are trying to do, drop that strategy. Again, this can be easier said than done, but it is so worthwhile to learn how to allow yourself to “give up” on things that aren’t actually helping you, without feeling like you’re giving up entirely.

You want to get back into reading again because you want to enjoy reading again. If you set it up to feel like homework, or a chore, or an obligation, you may make it more difficult for yourself! Getting back into reading is about focusing on what you love about reading.

And hey, I’m always happy to help! I do only check Tumblr every couple weeks right now, but I’ll do what I can to be supportive. If you’ve tried these suggestions and they don’t work out, no worries! Everyone is different, and it’s no insult to me if things that work for me don’t work for you. But feel free to reach out again, let me know anything you have learned about how you function best in the meantime, and we can reevaluate your strategies!

I hope that helps! Happy reading!

[calebwittebane]

How did cwc fuck up tes? genuinely curious abt your thoughts on this

well its a bit of a story

the portrayal of sotha sil in it had a lot of potential - im not at all opposed to sotha sil being well-meaning but extremely arrogant pretentious and blinded by his own selfish, sheltered approach, that caused him to create a technological dystopia he deemed a paradise. all of the almsivi are extremely flawed and i think thats what makes them cool, truly human gods, and that in itself couldve been really really interesting, however unfortunately it was played so strangely, like... straightfowardly? in a "he's right" way. like the player is somehow Not supposed to find him insufferable. the Manpain Garden (which btw people have been yelled at for calling it that) really did it for me, like, oh no, a woman called him boring and distant one time, how tragic. like hes supposed to be the Good Guy of the tribunal as opposed to Mean Almalexia and Silly Vivec (both of which are such shallow and borderline offensive ways to characterize them too)

however i think what REALLY sucks is that they brought back divayth fyr and made him one of the main characters of the dlc. and look i know i say a lot that fictional bad people are funny but theres nothing funny about divayth fyr the incest pedo guy and i despise the way hes portrayed in eso and i despise everything surrounding it. eso twitter even made a fathers day joke about it but deleted it as soon as they rightly realized that it was kinda fucked up

for the above reasons eso:cwc caused a HUGE rift in tes fandom where some people criticized it and made fun of it and some people felt a strong attachment to it and felt slighted by that, plus not all people who learned about divayth fyr thru eso were initially aware of how he is in tes3 and reacted to such information in a range of ways, including but not limited to saying that actually people who like morrowind are evil and want such a despicable character to exist (im not even gonna start unpacking this) and are fucked up for not "rejecting" his tes3 portrayal to instead pretend hes just this cool quirky wizard. which, im not gonna delve into any individual persons, like, personal reasons to approach a character a certain way, but its beyond bizarre to make this kinda statement and act like its unreasonable to be repulsed by this whole ordeal

the rift this caused... pretty much ruined online tes fandom permanently. like there are just like two camps now, with Clockwork City DLC Enjoyers on twitter talking about how tesblr (aka everyone who disagrees with them) is elitist and mean and Scoffs At People Who Dont Know Enough Lore (all untrue but w/e), and that reaches completely new people as their first impression of the fandom, thus deepening the rift. it made a lot of major contributors completely check out, because not only did they feel excluded by all the new content, but also by the community. and mind you before all of that tesblr was like, not a terribly huge community, but an always-growing one, with lots of discussions and contributions and fan content and inside jokes, and i just dont really see that anymore aside from small circles of people still passionate about very specific topics, which i assume is where the impression of being Inaccessible and Closed Off comes from. lots of people became really disillusioned with tes in general and moved on to different stuff. there was some drama that dragged for literal years, lots of vagueposting, conflicts, it was just all like.... unpleasant.

so yeah theres a very active eso-focused community on twitter that i dont personally interact with because they all hate me and a handful of people on tumblr. so, kinda not what it used to be. well theres always also r/teslore and other tes subreddits, but lemme tell you when it comes to any video game related topics never go on reddit never go on reddit neeeever go on reddit never go on reddit neeeever go on reddit never go on reddit, neeeever go on reddit wow wow wowwoowww

[cierrabiscuits]

Miya Atsumu X Fem Reader : Eligible Bachelor Alt route.

Word count: 5.4 K

Warnings: Some suggestive content, harassment, alcohol consumption, Nightmares, and a dab of angst. Happy ending :) 

 AN: I felt awful for breaking his heart in Sakusa’s route, but I’m atoning for my sins today. I went with a new approach and the ending is very fluffy! Also a big shoutout to @ambershaydeoffical for helping me edit and giving me some ideas! I hyper linked all the songs used! I hope you guy enjoy.-CB

Find Sakusa’s route here

Find Bokuto’s route here

~Story~

 “Why did I ever agree to let you pick me up?” Your hand was gripping the support bar In Atsumu’s car for dear life.

 “Because you love me and you know I’d get lost without my lovely Y/N.” Atsumu gave you a goofy smile as he shifted the gears. 

 “First off I’m your manager, second can you please go the speed limit. I’d like to make it to this charity event alive and in one piece.” You looked over to see him giving you a devilish smirk. 

 “You said we were late, therefore I’m making up for the lost time.” You rolled your eyes at him, but knew he was right. 

 “Maybe I should have let Omi take me, at least he would have driven the speed limit.” You said smirking at the setter.

 “Oh yeah? Well yer stuck with me, besides I play good music.” He spun the volume button on the console all the way up. ‘This is what you came for’ started to boom through the speakers. 

 “Baby, this is what you came for Lightning strikes every time she moves And everybody's watching her But she's looking at you, ooh, ooh-” His thick accent attempted to sing along. You couldn't help but break out laughing.

 “Tsumu I love you, but there is a reason you're a setter and not a singer.” You turned the music down so he could hear you.

 “So you do love me?” He whipped his head to look at you. Your face ran hot, but panic came right with the rush of heat.

 “Umm-TSUMU WATCH THE ROAD.” You screamed as he swerved a bit. Your hand found refuge yet again on the support bar. “Thank God we're almost there, you're an awful driver. Maybe worse than Bo.” 

 “I was kind enough to offer you a ride since your car is messed up and this is the thanks I get.” Your car’s transmission decided to go out, leaving you without transportation until it was fixed. But it ended being a blessing and a curse. Blessing being you get to hang with Atsumu alone and not to mention how sexy he was driving the standard shift. Curse being he was a crappy driver and your transmission broke your savings account.

 “In all seriousness thank you Tsumu, you're the best.” You knew you were feeding his ego by saying that, but you were truly grateful. But he didn’t speak or even give you one of his normal cheeky comments. You looked over to see his cheeks glowing red,. You wish you could take a picture of the blushing athlete, but the venue was the next turn off.

 “Tsumu, turn left at the next light.” You could see the huge venue center, the picture you saw online didn’t do the justice.

 “You really sound like a GPS Y/N. Cute.” He turned the wheel with one hand and pulled into a parking spot.

 “You have reached your destination.” You tried to imitate a GPS voice, but failed. 

 “I hear ya, wait here.” Atsumu unbuckled and hopped out of his car. You sat confused but then realized he was coming to open the door for you. He opened your door and offered you a hand which you gladly took.

 “What a gentleman. Tsumu you're spoiling me.” You could get used to this side of him.

 “No fair, Omi didn't open the door for me.” You turned your head to see Bokuto pouting. 

 “You're lucky I even drove you here, quit pushing it.” Sakusa rolled his eyes. “That goes for you too.” He then shot a death glared at poor Hinata.

 “Okay guys less fighting more walking, Now pick those feet up, I need to meet with the event coordinator!” You lead the boys towards the venue. It reminded you of a  Roman colosseum. It was stunning.

 “Wow this place is huge! I bet there's a lot of people in there!” Hinata looked up at the venue it awe.

 “How dreadful.” Sakusa  said, adjusting his facemask. You had to beg him to come. After a little persuading he finally said yes.

 “You already agreed to come Omi, please don’t back out now.” You pouted at Sakusa, causing him to roll his eyes. “Besides we’re already here.” You pointed at the large doors that led into the venue. They all looked excited to be here (Minus poor Sakusa). 

 “I know yer just itching to letcher us. I can tell by the look on your pretty face.” Sporting a smug look, Atsumu leaned on the side of the building. He never missed an opportunity to make your heart flutter. 

 “You know me so well Tsumu.” You smirked at the setter. You turned your attention to the rest of the group. “As you already know this is for charity, so keep it classy. You will also be auctioned off for a date, so whoever gets you, please be nice and respectful. You have a little time to kill so explore the place a bit and put yourself out there.” 

 “We'll be on our best behavior!” Bokuto chimed in giving you a thumbs up.

 “I know. Now let's head in.” You went to open the door but Atsumu beat you to it. A heat tried to crawl its way up your neck, but you pushed it down. There was a time and place to dwell on the way Atsumu made you feel giddy. Now was not the time, sadly. It was hardly ever the right time, being the manager was a demanding position, their public image was one of your main concerns, which meant having an unprofessional fan girl moment was out of the question.

Once inside, you couldn’t settle your eyes to any one spot. To say the venue was packed would be an understatement. It was a flood of designer dresses and fancy tuxedos. It made you feel severely under dressed, but you're not here for fun. As much as you would love to dance the night away with the boys, specifically Atsumu, you were mature enough to realize how important tonight is. 

 “Bokuto let’s go eat! Atsumu isn’t your brother catering some of the food?” Hinata asked, eyeing the onigiri.

 “Yup, he worked all day to make enough onigiri for tonight.” Atsumu said proudly. He and his brother may fight and quarrel, but they are both so supportive to each other. 

 “We better hurry and get some!” Bokuto grabbed Hinata by the arm and ran towards the food.

 “You know where I’ll be. Just come get me when it’s time.” Sakusa walked towards a secluded corner.

 “Now what do you plan on doing Tsumu?” You asked looking around the crowded room. 

 “I don’t know. I’ll probably bother Omi-Omi at some point.” He glanced at Sakusa sulking in his designated corner. 

 “Leave him alone! I need him to stay cooperative.” You wacked Atsumu in the back.

 “Whatever you want doll. I have some orders for ya too.” Atsumu’s bright hazel eyes met your tired ones. Could he tell how nervous you were for this event? What could he possibly order you to do?

 “What would that be?” You looked up at him, ready to deny his request.

 “If you're gonna dance, make sure it's with me. We killed ‘Down on me’ at the last gala we went to.” Atsumu wiggled his eyebrows. You will never forget that night, you were full of liquid courage and danced on him all night long. 

 “Tsumu you have to dance with whoever bids on you. I’m in manager mode tonight and I’m staying sober this time.” You glanced at your watch and it was almost time to meet with the event coordinator. “ I doubt I’ll have time to dance at all. Oh snap, look at the time,I have to go to Tsumu.” You turned to walk towards the stage but he grabbed before you could get too far.

 “Don’t worry, I’ll make my way to ya. Count on it.” He spoke right next to your ear, causing your hair to rise up. He released you and disappeared into the crowd. Your face was burning from the bottom of your throat, to the tip of your ears. Damn that Miya.

~~

 “Y/N thank you for coming!” The coordinator extended her hand for you to shake. 

 “No problem, I look forward to working with you.” You shook her hand and smiled. The flashing lights of the dance floor blinding you for just a moment. You wished you were dancing instead of working.

  “Same here! Now let's get down to the plan. We’ve got a good line up tonight, I’ve got everyone lined up by group size, with yours being the smallest we will have your guys go last.” She scanned the clipboard in her hands. “Have them here in an hour please! I better get going, the rugby team is next and they have a lot of the team here! Ciao Y/N.” She made everything sound easy enough, but the hard part was rounding the boys up.

~~

 The music was booming, and the vibrations went through your body like an electric current. You wanted to dance so bad, but you remind yourself you have things to attend to. You try to spot the boys in the sea of people. You went to the food bar first but it looks like Hinata and Bokuto attacked it already considering there was nothing left. You began to walk towards the dance floor and heard the ‘cupid shuffle’ start playing. It was an iconic dance song, and a fun one to get a crowd going. People began to line up and make room to dance. You notice the tips of Bokuto’s hair, Hinata was on his right and Atsumu was on his left. You needed to reach them before the song really kicked in but It was too late.

 “Just in time Y/N!” Bokuto beamed down at you.

 “Guys we need to get lined up. Plus we still have to grab Sakusa.” You semi yelled over the music.

 “Come on Y/N one song won’t kill ya, well get rounded up quick after this okay?” Atsumu wrapped an arm around Bokuto and Hinata. “Now get beside me, you always mix your left and right up.” He wasn't lying, you loved to dance but sometimes became uncoordinated.

 “Fine.” You accepted defeat and got beside Atsumu, you took the chance to check him out. He looked so good in his suit, he had a grey tux that fit him like a glove. The white shirt underneath was unbuttoned and his tie left loose around his throat. He was too pretty for his own good. The music finally reached the start of the shuffle, and it pulled you from your thoughts. You followed the music with the rest of these boys in perfect sync. Tsumu nudged you in the right direction every now and then, but no one could see his hand lingering on your side. You smiled from ear to ear, it felt so good to dance some stress away and it felt even better to be so close to Atsumu. You watched his smooth movements, he was calculated on the court and on the dance floor. You could tell he was catching the eyes of women besides yourself. But right now it was you dancing next to him and that's all that mattered. The song came to an end and everyone tried to catch their breath.

 “Okay now let's go get Omi.” You lead them out of the dance crowd and toward where Sakusa was. You find him exactly where you left him. He had an intense aurora surrounding him. If looks could kill you would be six foot under right now.

 “Omi It's time to go lineup, are you ready?” You asked and he nodded his head. “Follow me guys.” You lead them to the side of the stage. 

 “So who’s going first?” Hinata asked nervously. You could only pray he wouldn’t puke on stage.

 “Hmm good question, lets have Bo go first, then you, then Omi and Tsumu last.” You felt nervousness creep on you, this was really about to happen.

 “Y/N you really saved the best for last hmm.” Atsumu flipped his hair dramatically. You rolled your eyes at him.

 “Do I have to take my mask off?” Sakusa gave you a pleading look.

 “Whatever is comfortable with you. I’ve put you through enough,” Sakusa sighed in relief at your words.

 “Okay now, make sure to make a good impression and run these rich ladies pockets up.” You smacked your hands together. “I better get going, remember I’m counting on you guys.” You gave them one last thumbs up.

~~

 You got a seat in the front so you could take some pictures of the boys. You were definitely going to get some good ones for the teams Insta. You know what the fans want and you feed them. You were to caught up in getting your phone ready you didn’t notice someone sit next to you.

 “Hey Y/N.” Osamu adjusted himself beside you.

 “Oh. Hey Osamu! Your onigiri was a hit tonight I heard.” Too bad you didn’t get any, you thought.

 “They paid me good for catering tonight, I wanted to make sure it was the best. I even had Tsumu come and try new recipes. He ate so much I thought I'd end up taking him to the ER.” He chuckled. You knew Atsumu loved his brother's cooking. “But enough about that airhead. You looked a little sad earlier when I saw you walking around, Is something wrong?”

  “Everything is fine, I’m just stressed. Plus I want to dance and can’t.” Your hands fell to your lap in defeat.

 ‘Why can’t you dance? Are you hurt?” He gave you a concerned look.

 “No I’m fine.” You smiled up at the twin. “I have to take pictures of the boys with their dates and make sure everything goes smoothly. Plus my dance partner will be taken anyway.” You let out a laugh to hide your disappointment. You really wanted to dance with Atsumu, but he will have fun with whoever gets him. 

 “Oh I see.” He seemed to have a small smirk on his face. “It looks like it’s starting.” The lights of the stage turned on and an upbeat song came on. 

 “Welcome to the annual Valentines day date auction! We are so glad you all could come out and join us. We have a great  line up or should I say roster. This year our theme was sport team singles! Ladies if you plan on bidding tonight just raise your hand when you see the man of your dreams. Shall we get started?” The announcer said hyping up the crowd of women young and old. Neither your or Osamu paid any attention to the stage, instead you made small talk and showed him embarrassing pictures of Atsumu. Your favorite one being his face pressed up against an airplane window fast asleep. You sat beside him on that flight and ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. You remember him covering you up with his blanket at one point, he was a sweetheart when he wanted to be. Time flew by and it was finally time for the boys to get on stage.

 “Next up we have the MSBY volleyball team!” Bokuto was called up, you got some good pictures of him flexing and just being his goofy self. Hinata came on stage and was more collected than you thought he would be. Sakusa came out and was stiff as a board the whole time, but you wouldn't complain considering he was kind enough to even come. And now it was Atsumu’s turn. You saw him walk on stage and your stomach began to feel like a merry go round. His wavy hair bounced with every confident step he took, he was hot and he flaunted it. Your eyes were glued to him, and once he found you in the crowd his eyes locked onto yours. He winked right at you and gave you one of his shit eating grins. You felt the embarrassment creep up on you, your attention went to your phone to take pictures of the cocky setter.

 “I wonder what poor soul will get Tsumu.” Osamu stuck his tongue out at his brother.

 “Hopefully someone who can put up with him, and keep up with his erratic dancing.” You laughed out. If you were being honest you wished you were the ‘poor soul’.

 “I only know one person who fits that description.” Osamu smirked at his brother

 “What?” You looked up at him confused. “Who?”

 “Alright for 175,000 yen, going once , twice...” You eyed Osamu and he reached his hand out and tickled your side, causing your arm to shoot straight up in the air.

 “We are now up  to 180,000 yen! Going once, twice, and sold! That concludes the auction! We hope you all have a wonderful night and a Happy Valentine’s Day.” Astumu gave you one last smile before exiting the stage. You were still in a state of shock as the stage lights dimmed.

 “I know what yer thinking Y/N, but it will be easier if you go talk to the dumbass. He’s a watin for ya.” Osamu got up and left you in a state of shock. You stood up quick and  made a beeline towards the large crowd of athletes. You could feel your heartbeat pick up the closer you got. You just had to know why.

 “Y/N over here!” You heard Hinata’s familiar voice over the crowd. You made your way to him and noticed the rest of the team standing with him. You wanted to congratulate everyone before you interrogated Atsumu.

 “You guys did so well! I’m proud.” You smacked Bokuto and Hinata on the back. “Your dates should come get you soon, remember to have fun and be kind to them!” Sakusa was standing nervously against the wall, you hope someone tame got him. You looked over at Atsumu and he mouthed ‘Let’s go to the lobby.’ You nodded your head and you left the team to find out what was up. He led you through the crowd and into the empty lobby.

 “I hope you're not mad at me Y/N, truth is I had something planned for you this Valentine’s Day, I wanted to surprise you,  but we ended up having to do this which ruined my plans. Kinda.” Your eyes widened at his words. “You may be the team's manager and I may be the setter. But tonight let’s just be Y/N and Atsumu. You won me fair and square so either way you're stuck with me.”

 “Okay, I’d like that actually. But I still have to check on the other every now and then.” You felt your heart rate pick up again. “But I have to know, who paid for you really?”

 “Samu did. He was going to give most of his earnings back to the charity anyway.. I didn’t want just some girl beside me tonight, I wanted my girl. So after some begging he agreed to do it. But In return I must refer to him as the superior twin for the rest of the year.” Atsumu had you dumbfounded. You would have to thank Osamu later. 

 “Tsumu what do you mean by ‘my girl’?” Your knees felt like jelly. You knew what he meant, but you needed to hear it.

 “Exactly what I said. I think we both know about each other's feelings. I love you more than Omi loves flu shots and lysol.” This was the oddest declaration of love, but it still made your heart melt.

 “That makes you mine too, right?”  He nodded his head and began to rummage through his pockets.

 “Yes It sure does darlin’. I’m glad to get that off my chest. I got you a little something, close your eyes and hold your hand out.” You closed your eyes and felt his hands clasp something around your hand. “And open.” You looked down at the tennis bracelet you’ve been eyeing for a long time.

 “Tsumu how did you..” You were at a loss for words, the bracelet was something you’ve been saving for. It was a pretty bracelet with a pretty big price tag. You couldn't help but smile.v

 “When we all went to the mall a few months back I went to find you and saw you trying it on at the jewelry store. You looked sad when the cashier put it back in the case. As soon as you left the store I went right in and bought it. And before you say a thing, that smile you have on is worth every penny I spent.” 

 “Tsumu thank you, but I’m sorry I didn't get you anything.” You felt guilty but he wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

 “Having you with me right now is plenty enough for this fool. Now let’s go check on everyone and get on the dancefloor.” He began to walk you back into the ballroom. You spotted the boys talking to their dates. Bokuto was with a shy curvy girl, she was absolutely stunning and she was definitely his type. You knew he would treat her good. A volleyball player from America bided on Hinata, they were talking about receives. She was a perfect fit for him. Sakusa was with an older woman, she seemed to be very respectful and calm. She mentioned that he reminded her of her late husband. All was well. They left with their dates and now it was time for you and yours to hit the dance floor. Atsumu grasped your hand and led you to the center of the dance floor. 

 “Tsumu wait.” You stopped a server and downed a glass of champagne.

 “Oh my, here we go again.” Astsumu rolled his hazel eyes. You and drinking never ended good.

 “I won’t go overboard. Now let's go dance.” You began to speed walk to the dance floor. The DJ was playing some straight up bops, you felt the music take over your body and you began to dance. As soon as ‘hips don't lie’ began to play you both went straight feral. You pulled away from him and swayed your hips side to side. Atsumu's eyes stayed glued to you as you let Shakira guide you. You came to a stop when you felt a lingering presence from behind you. You felt an unfamiliar pair of hands linger over your hips. You felt a wave of panic wash over you but Atsumu was quick to react, he wrapped his strong arms around and spun you away from the creep.

 “Don’t even try, she obviously ain’t yours, now screw off asshole.” Astumu held you as close to him as humanly possible while telling the creep off. The smell of his cologne grounded you. The man flipped Tsumu off and disappeared back into the crowd. “Are you okay Y/N?”

 “Yes thank you, but I need a drink to loosen back up.” You said eyeing the bar. You swore sobriety tonight, but you were feeling yourself. “But just one.”

 “Sureee just one,  I know better than that. You’ll be plastered by the end of the night.” He leaned down and whispered in your ear. His thick accent made your hair stand up. You rolled your eyes and led him to the bar. Bokuto was with his date at the bar, he was talking her head off, but she seemed to be interested in what he was saying. You didn’t want to disturb them, but Bokuto called you and Atsumu out.

“Tsumu! Y/N! Drink with us!” Bokuto ordered him and his date another shot.

 “I’m not drinking tonight, I’m the DD tonight. But our manager here is feelin bold.” Atsumu waved down the bartender and ordered your favorite drink. 

 “Don’t get too drunk Bo, Sakusa will kill you if you get sick in his clean car.” You downed your drink. The champagne from earlier already making your head buzz.

 “Yes ma’am, now me and this cutie are going back to the dancefloor. Have fun.” Bokuto held the girls hand and guided her back to the dance floor. They looked so cute together. 

 “I’ve got to use the bathroom, I’ll be right back.” Atsumu left you alone at the bar. Bad idea. You waved the bartender down and ordered two shots of tequila. You needed to get loose and the sugary drink he ordered for you wasn’t gonna cut it. You downed the shots and felt the warmth in your cheeks. You ordered one more for safe measure. With the evidence gone Atsumu didn’t suspect a thing when he came back.

 “Ready to get back out there?” You nodded  and headed back out. You noticed Bokuto was absolutely throwing it back on that girl, she looked so embarrassed but was definitely enjoying it. Sakusa and the older lady were enjoying a conversation at a secluded table. Hinata was hyping up the volleyball girl as she slowly dropped on the dance floor. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

 “Now let's get back down to business.” Atsumu spun you around and pulled you close to him. “You have no idea how happy I am right now. I’m so glad your with me ” Atsumu planted a kiss on your forehead.

 “Me too, I figured it would be another lonely valentines day, but this was a pleasant surprise.” You kissed him back on his cheek. Under the flashing light you could see the blush spreading on his cheeks. 

 “You won’t be lonely as long as I’m around Y/N. And that is a genuine Miya promise.” He crossed his heart as the upbeat music came back over the speaker. “Now let's get busy.” You two danced with your bodies hot and heavy against one another. It felt like heaven the way your bodies swayed under the strobe lights. It was like no one else was on the dance floor but you and him.  You were fine and then all at once the tequila from earlier hit you like a train. The room was spinning and your spirit was rising. The liquid courage strikes again. You pulled away from Atsumu and stood in front of him.

 “Tsumu you  are so freakin sexy did ya know that?” You wrapped your arms around him and kissed his neck.

 “Well yeah I am pretty sexy, but what’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” He quirked his eyebrow up.

 “Tsumu, I had a little extra alcohol while you were in the bathroom. Don’t be mad please, but I’m feeling greatttttt.” You slurred out your words. “But don’t *hic* worry *hic* I can still dance, I’ve got a ton of songs left in me.” You looked up to see three Atsumu’s looking down at you. Between the alcohol running through you veins and the bright lights flashing your head went dizzy. The only thing you remembered before passing out was Atsumu saying something along the lines of “ARE YOU KIDDIN ME Y/N.”

~~

“Next on the stage we have Miya Atsumu, he is the setter for the black jackals! He is single and ready to mingle.” You watched Atsumu walk up on stage, your body felt frozen. You watched him but his eyes never met yours once. You heard girls screaming out his name and bidding on him. But he's yours, right? You were unable to move, unable to speak. You wanted to scream out to him, but no avail. 

 “Going once, going twice, and sold.” You watched Atsumu jump off the stage and ran to the girl who won him. He picked her up and spun her around. This can't be right, he was yours. He wanted you, why is he going after her? He looked so happy to be with her, but he was yours, he even said it.  

 “Tsumu why?” Your voice came out finally.

 “Your not good enough, you never were.” He began to laugh at you as the girl pulled him by the tie and kissed him on the lips. 

~~

 “NO!” Your body jolted up. You could feel your heart rate skyrocketing. You realize you had a nightmare, but it felt so real.

 “Y/N what wrong? Baby are you okay?” You heard Atsumu's voice but couldn’t make out where it was coming from.

 “Tsumu, where are you?” You felt hot tears run down your face. You see a lamp flicker on and spy Atsumu wearing a white fitted shirt and boxers. You realize you are in his bed, you could tell from the sheets and comforter you helped him pick out a few months back.

 “Hey, hey It's okay, tell me what's wrong.’ He came over and sat down beside you.

 “Tsumu am I enough for you? You could do so much better than me.” You sobbed out, he gave you a confused look.

 “You’ve always been enough, I don’t need better when I already have the best. Tell me what has you sayin these things.” He began to rub soothing circles on your back.

 “I had a nightmare, you told me I wasn't enough and there was another girl and she kissed you.” Atsumu looked sad as you explained your nightmare to him.

 “It was just a nightmare Y/N, yer my one and only. No one even compares to you.” He kissed your tear stained cheek. “What can I do to make you feel better?”

 “Kiss me.” You blurted out, you covered your face with your hands in embarrassment. “Tsumu you don’t have t-” Your body fell back on the bed and Astumu hovered above you. 

 “Ask and you shall receive.” He leaned down and gave a kiss that made you lips tingle. He pulled away and look down on you with a gentle smile on his face. “Better?” 

 “Umm.. yes.” You lifted yourself back up. “Not to kill the mood, but what happened, how did I get here?”

 “You blacked out on me princess. I had to get Bokuto to help drag you out of there and load you in my car. I was going to take you home, but I brought you here to make sure you were alright. No more drinking three shots of tequila back to back, Sakusa saw you and ratted you out.” Atsumu handed you some aspirin and a bottle of water he had on his nightstand. 

 “Sorry Tsumu.” You lowered your head in shame. You felt guilty for making him go through all the trouble.

 “Don’t be, you were kinda cute clinging to me.” He got up from the bed and walked towards his dresser. 

 “Uh, Tsumu what is this on the floor?” You asked looking at a pile of pillows and blankets scattered beside of the bed.

 “That is my makeshift bed, I was going to sleep on the couch, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He rummaged through the dresser.  “I’ve got some of your spare clothes from the last team sleepover. Do you want to shower?” He handed you the clothes.

 “Please.” 

~~ 

 The hot water felt like heaven on your tired body. You lather yourself in Atsumu body wash and tried to remember what happened exactly. You can remember Bokuto and Atsumu gilding you to his car at some point. You also remember Sakusa  dragging a drunk Hinata to his car, at least you weren't the only one. You remember a little bit of the car ride, Atsumu drove alot smoother thankfully. You stepped out of the shower and dried off. You felt like something was missing. You changed into your clothes and looked into the foggy  mirror. You reached up to fix your hair and noticed the tennis bracelet Astumu had given you was missing. You slammed open the bathroom door and ran to Astumu’s bedroom, he was laid back playing on his phone.

 “Tsumu my bracelet is missing!” You began to look around the room in sheer panic.

 “It's here, I took it off ya when we got here.” He pointed at his nightstand and you see the bracelet shine under the light of the lamp. You grab your chest and sigh with relief. 

 “Thank God, I thought I had lost it. I would be devastated if I lost the first gift my boyfriend gave me.” You eyes widened when you realized what you said.

 “Boyfriend huh? That’s got a nice ring to it.” Atsumu turned his phone off and plugged it into a charger. “Are you ready for bed, my girlfriend?” That did have a nice ring to it. You nodded your head and climbed into his king sized bed. Atsumu went to get back in the floor but you grabbed his wrist.

 “I’d feel a lot better if you slept next to me. Please.” You averted your eyes.

 “Anything for you, I’m relived you asked really. The floor is not very comfortable.” He lifted the comforter and crawled in beside of you. He kept a distance from you, despite what people may think, he was a true gentleman. You inched you way to his side of the bed and it didn’t go unnoticed. “Your making it obvious you want cuddled, come on over, I don’t bite.” You scooched over and laid your head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you securing you in place. Your could hear the soft beating of his heart lulling you to sleep.

 “I love you Y/N.” He softly whispered into you ear and gave your forehead a feather light kiss. 

 “I love you too Tsumu. You’ll be here when I wake up right?” Your eyes struggled to stay open.

 “Yes I will, I will always be here. Sweet dreams my pretty girl.” You smiled and slowly fell asleep feeling safe and loved in his arms.

 Fin