#i am a queer little bitch and it's silly and fun and i like having a funky identity lol

[brainfullofbees]

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[darealsaltysam]

hiya!! welcome to my blog!! im sam (she/her) and i like to write :3

since you're stopping by anyway, why not take a little look at my fics? i write on ao3 and have done work in many, many different fandoms! currently, you can find fics from the following;

ace attorney

fnaf

wynncraft

faith

the walking dead

star wars

paladins

dsmp (mainly older, discontinued works)

below the cut i'm going to put more detailed descriptions of all of the fics i'm proudest of, so if any of the above fandoms interest you, take a little peek!!

ACE ATTORNEY

spiky twink rebooted

a very silly highschool au chatfic. crack with minimal angst here and there to carry some plot along, but it's very low-stakes. really just something i write for fun to wind down. perfect if ur looking for some good ol crack to turn your brain off to!

waiting for godot

a three-part fic exploring mia and diego's story in ace attorney - before, during, and after his coma. it goes into the background of their relationship and dives into godot's mentality after waking up and finding out about what happened to mia. angst with a somewhat bittersweet ending, canon compliant.

SOME OLDER FICS

Object Class: Fey - completed. an ace attorney scp au, very miego focused with some light background narumitsu. does not represent my current quality or style of writing, but i still enjoy the story a lot and am proud of the fic as a whole!

Time Paradox at The Turnabout - discontinued. a time travel fic of sorts. various different versions of various different characters travel to one time period, hijinks ensue. not that well-written and was never completed, but you might enjoy the concept!

the adventures of spiky twink and the burger queen - discontinued. older version of spiky twink rebooted - read that one instead!

spiky twink extras - discontinued. companion piece to the above. short stories within the universe, essentially!

FNAF

THE SCRIPTVERSE

the scriptverse is a trilogy of scripts + a prose prequel which seeks to retell fnaf lore completely. it sticks to canon in some parts but deviates in others, so it will surprise you even if you know the lore inside out! i made my own changes to the timeline, mixed and matched stuff from the movie, books and games... overall, just a big revamp of the whole thing, all told through movie scripts!

the series is made up of:

MR AFTON, a william-focused first part retelling the missing children incident

MR SCHMIDT [act 1], a michael-focused sequel retelling william's trial shortly after

MR SCHMIDT [act 2], a massive third part to the series which deals with the fallout of the murder and the trial, michael meeting jeremy, ghosts showing up in the pizzeria, and michael finding out he has a sister he didn't know about! crazy stuff!

mr emily & ms schmidt, a prose prequel to the series which focuses on how henry, william and his wife clara met

WYNNCRAFT

warm hands, cold hearts, gentle smiles (also holy shit is that bak'al over there?)

a fic which focuses on exploring the dynamics between the four twain brothers as kids + includes an appearance from wynncraft's favorite bitch boy. also, i made theorick less of a bitch by explaining WHY canon theo is such a bitch!

my legacy in death, your legacy in ice, our legacy in blood

a follow-up of sorts to the above fic, focusing on mael having to help nesaak post-theorick freezing it. the second half of the fic looks at the time mael spent training bob. all around lots of angst, some hurt/comfort in the second part, and a very, very bittersweet ending.

FAITH

soul of christ (sanctify me)

a short fic which focuses on john and lisa's childhood, with a nice portion of catholic guilt and queer shame on the side (yes i projected onto john. no i am not sorry). very experimental but probably one of my personal fave works ever!!!

THE WALKING DEAD

mutual hatred builds character

a maggie and negan focused 5 + 1 (NOT SHIP!!! SHIPPING THESE TWO IS WEIRD!!!!) which explores mainly maggie's hatred of negan over the years, and ends in a retelling of their conversation in the woods in season 11. i love these two having petty drama. that is all.

STAR WARS

laughter [anidala]

anidala focused fic i wrote as a gift for my girlfriend! it's mostly just cute little snippets of their relationship, nothing more. i love them so so much ur honour

OTHER FICS

below you can find all my other fics - these i'm a little less confident in, because they're either older works or discontinued ones.

tommyinnit - dragonborn! - discontinued. dsmp skyrim au, sbi focused, secondary dream team focus. i really loved this fic and writing it but was forced to discontinue due to... stuff(tm). im still very passionate about the story and happy with what i wrote here, so i recommend it if you're into it.

The Between Dreams and Memories Series - discontinued. a complete retelling of the dsmp storyline. was planned to have 3 parts - same as above, forced to discontinue. contains 2 complete fics (part 1 and a spin off) and one unfinished fic (part 2 of the planned trilogy). one of the biggest fics on my account, a product of several years of work, and a very important work for me, even if its quality doesn't hold up. read if you wish!

a house full of serial killers VS the barbie movie starring margot robbie and ryan gosling - completed. a very very stupid creepypasta chatfic oneshot. i wrote it in one sitting because i was bored. it's nothing special, but it's pretty funny!

dance with the devil - completed. a very short dsmp oneshot, focusing specifically on c!niki and c!schlatt. im still pretty happy with how it turned out!

the scholar loved the scion // and the scion loved the scholar, but not in the same way - completed. a low-key depressing paladins oneshot focusing on lian and rei. gay sadness. no good ending. hurt and no comfort. sad stuff.

Deserve Better - completed. a pretty badly written who killed markiplier oneshot. darkstache focused. one of the first fics i ever posted!

[anti-workshop]

What with all the tomfoolery ol' reddit is pulling these days, I thought I'd make my own Welcome To Tumblr! post!

Welcome to Tumblr Reddit Refugees! (redditfugees?)

Here we are:

Very gay

Very hate capitalism colonialism imperialism

Broke as fuck

Silly wittle guys :3

Disabled baby!

So very very tired

Gorgeous like oh my GOD we're so hawt

jiust so tired

We don't do influencers, so don't even try. Please for the love of all that is good and sweet change your profile pic to something normal like a flaming skull or a badger or something.

Don't do Tumblr Live, please. Just ignore it. Snooze it every chance you get. Don't look at it and maybe it'll go away (probably not)

Make your bio! It can even just say like, "Hey y'all I'm human! Please don't block/report me?" and maybe we won't block/report you. (we may still block/report you because we are trigger happy and have been hurt before)

REBLOG! REBLOG! Reblogs are the lifeblood of this site. DO NOT REPOST (that means copying the cool thing you liked and making your own post) I will personally hunt you down and skin you alive and wear your skin like a fancy hoodie and steal your life and loved ones and then break their hearts when I reveal that I am a skin-walker mockery of their once beloved person. If you repost, I'll do that for real.

Likes are just like, a way to save something for later. REBLOG STUFF YOU LIKE!

Don't censor yourself babies! We can say murder fuck kill suck boobies dick cunt cock queer dance off shit oyster suicide bitch here! So don't censor your #tags either, because that is how a lot of us keep ourselves safe and healthy.

To reiterate, I can say I want to skin you alive and wear your skin in a hellish charade of your own persona while making out with your dad. I can say it! If people aren't cool with that, they can block me and that's awesome!

Make liberal use of your ability to block fuckers! It's so cool to do! My faves to block are terfs, swerfs, the usual suspects etc.

Tags are a common way to put your spin on a post without actually answering it in a reblog. #So like say shit fun and cool#In the Tags#like this babies

There is no way to gain cache or cool points here! We're all weird little skittering gremlin losers who love ourselves and our cringey weirdness and celebrate it in myriad wonderful ways, so go out there and post your worst takes, your embarrassing fic, your OC sketches, your WIP poetry, pics of your stupid pet/s (please please do this as much as possible it keeps me alive), advice on which drugs are good, ramblings/musings on everything/nothing, typos, misinformation, jokes, disninformation, what time is currently is, series of random punctuation, ANYTHING!

Oh, and haiku bot! We have our own haiku bot! They visit sometimes.

[elvenbeard]

5 Facts About Me

I was tagged by @gloryride thank you so much!! :D

I live and grew up in rural Germany

Always been here, in a tiny town (less than 1000 residents) and everyday really at this point I'm torn about wanting to leave or wanting to stay XD Job opportunities are scarce, the infrastructure sucks, it's an absolute pain in the ass to be this far out and away from bigger cities with so many more opportunities and services (be it something as silly as being able to order takeout or something as serious as finding queer-friendly medical professionals). On the other hand, it's very peaceful here. I'm surrounded by mountains, forests, lakes, I can see so many stars at night, it's amazing. Something in between would be cool, where I get nature but also a little more convenience (a supermarket in walking distance would be the dream, having to rely less on a car to get somewhere in general), but I haven't found that place yet.

I have a cat

Her name is Luna, and she is a feisty little menace and one of the sweetest and funniest cats I've ever known! She's been with me since late 2019, adopted from a shelter where she was notorious for getting into fights with other cats and staff apparently XD When I picked her up the first time she immediately snuggled up to me and gave me lots of kisses xD Could say it was love at first sight really. Also, I leash-trained her and we go on little outdoor adventures regularly (another reason why I'd like to remain living near a place where we can keep doing that).

Piercings!!

I have 7, 3 in my face, 4 in my ears altogether. And I want moooore, but I'm paralyzed by all the choices :D One I've wanted for a long time is a nose bridge one, and I think it would suit me, but it would also intensify my resting bitch face by 100% so, I'm a little on the fence still xD I might also be a little obsessed with the one my V has on his cheek, because that's one I'd never really seen on a real life person before. They do exist though, as dermal anchors/implants and I think I've also seen pics where they looked like done "regularly", kinda like eyebrow piercings, so more research and a consultation by a professional are required before I settle on anything XD

I studied Computer Science and Media

I never finished my course though, didn't get a degree, and I beat myself up for it for a long time. I quit in the first place because I was so burnt out and depressed and unhappy with everything to do with uni, it really almost killed my creative drive for good. Not only were we constantly told we'd only have a chance in jobs and fields after graduating that sounded absolutely dreadful to me, the faculty itself seemed to make it as hard as possible for us every step of the way to reach the end of the course (from "killer-exams" to get rid of the students only in it with "the wrong intentions", and a horribly disorganized administration that regularly just lost your grades and scores and tried to blame it on you). I'm someone who loves learning, and I loved learning what I did there. I have many amazing memories of people and projects we got to work on. But it's all overshadowed by the awful strucutures in place around it. I'd still like to study something some day, maybe to do with art or history or film or languages... but currently I'm kinda just happy existing and doing things at my own pace, without too much outside pressure to perform.

I work at a supermarket and am a registered freelance artist

I have a stable, permanent, part-time job at a supermarket (the wine and liquors department is all mine to manage basically, and I don't even drink XD but it's a lot of fun there really. Unless when something breaks...)

Money-wise, this job's just enough to not worry too much about life atm, but I wouldn't mind more xD It being part-time gives me a lot of free time I wouldn't have at most "regular" jobs, but rarely having a weekend sucks big time, especially when most of your friends work "regular" jobs.

I'm also registered as a freelance illustrator, and I'd love to get back into the swing of offering commissions again at some point, or building a small creative business somehow that would make the supermarket job obsolete in the end (just havent quite figured out what and how to pull that off, all attempts so far semi-successful XD). But yeh, that's like, the ultimate dream, really. Just making art and living off of it, and still having the time to follow my hobbies and go on adventures with my cat xD Don't need fame or riches, just want a comfortable, happy life bringing joy to others with what I do. And that joy-part, and feeling useful is what's lacking at my current dayjob. It's a job, it pays the bills, it can be fun and leaves a little bit of creativity here and there even... but it's not as fulfilling as I'd wish it to be.

I've seen a lot of people do this already, so I'm just gonna say: if you read this far and want to share some fun facts, consider yourself tagged to make your own 5 facts post! XD

[tragediaandcomedia]

Where are my bitches in the Moongirl and Devil Dinosaur fandom?? That shows 20x better than the owl house ever was but the fandoms tiny! More people absolutely need to watch it tbh its so progressive and powerful, with such fun and unique characters and well written relationships, its a visual treat and the soundtrack is incredible and just. Mwah! Chefs kiss best Disney show since Ducktales (2017) ended.

I am not a person of colour nor would i ever claim to be an expert on the issues and hardships faced by people of colour, but i hold personally deeply socialist views having been raised in predominantly "lower class" poor suburban areas a majority of my life while intermingling with the comfortably rich in my education, and as such this show speaks to me and my voice in a way not many others have, by landing expressly on the side of the people and in particular the repressed and minority. Its a show about black voices, queer voices, religious voices, female voices, neurodivergent voices,latin-american voices and pride in community and lifestyles, its a show about the importance of community, and its all in a god damn marvel show. Its so unlike anything to have come out in years, all while being fun, with fantastically choreographed action scenes and incredible visuals, its bright and colourful and yet knows when to pull its punches, slow down and convey the importance of the themes and messages of the episodes.

So many episodes as well speak to issues that i have never faced in my life, and yet the show and its characters are so charming, and so expressive and fun that anyone can come to understand and empathise with the issues it presents. A highlight to me is the episode on black hair, again as someone whiter than the milk in your coffee i have never experienced the struggles and discrimination associated with black hair, and yet. The episode inspired me to learn about it, all the gorgeous ways it can be styled, the different hair types, which has not only been huge for my creative character designs but inspired an even deeper appreciation than before for a form of art i didn't even know existed (and trust me. Hair styling is an art form when done well). The show introduces new [most likely, predominantly white] audiences to these facets of black life and culture that previous childrens media never quite tackled before, while equally remaining relatable and friendly towards the People of Colour who watch these shows two, never talking down to them about black issues but rather treating them as the experts and authorities, its honestly incredible and i just cant go back to watching most other shows with how respectful and mature Moongirl is, its brilliant.

Overall, i know im just one silly little guy, rambling about a show he thinks deserves far more love than its getting, but in a post Owl House disney TV world, i really think Moongirl and Devil Dinosaur deserves equally as much love and attention as that show got, perhaps even more for just having relatively better POC representation (from what i understand hearing from other voices, anyway, if I've gotten that wrong please feel free to correct!)

In conclusion. Go watch Moongirl and Devil Dinosaur or I'll lick your doorknobs /lhj/nsrs/nf/pos

[borderline-gays-club]

Ok so already I can see this obsession becoming a problem lol. (I mean when is obsession never not a problem)

But BUT I’m still really glad that the reason why I’m obsessed is dramatically different than my past obsessions (late teens and after). It’s definitely an interesting turn and I’m excited to tell my therapist abt it.

So yeah the feel good feelings are easy to detect and I guess it’s worthwhile to get into that too cus I feel like I tend to focus on the negative stuff bc those are the ones that cause me suffering. But joy is important too.

But yeah I feel very inspired by her and completely utterly infatuated. Without gushing abt every little thing That makes me blush hehe, let me just say I strive to be like her. She is currently motivating me and creating an even more sense of urgency and to continue to persevere with my craft. And…I mean having a crush is kinda fun in the beginning lol. Like I feel all giddy and have silly butterflies in my tummy, and like my jaw just drops whenever I look at her lmao. So dramatic. But that’s how I feel.

And also it’s nice that she’s “Hafu” like me and is queer/trans/non binary. Of course these aren’t inherently indicators of compatibility, bc even tho we’re similar in these ways we’re also very very different. but it does feel nice seeing someone like her succeed and watching her thrive makes me so happy. Lol it’s so hard for me not to fucking gush. I’ll dedicate a post on my gushing later bc it’s abt to explode out of my body lmaooo.

Ok on to the next part:the projected cycle of obsession which always comes with negatives.

So one of my biggest and most annoying feelings that come with obsession is jealousy and possessiveness. Now again, bc this person is a celebrity this will never affect her so everyone is safe from harm. But. The posessive thoughts that come out are highly irritating and frustrating for me to experience while simultaneously fully knowing these thoughts are absolutely ridiculous. These thoughts are annoying cus I know I don’t actually believe them. I think it’s like an anxious attachment thing cus there’s a false sense of security if someone is only with you. But like I can’t be monogamous so it simply does not make sense. But alas that is the life of us BPD bitches. Constantly fighting ourselves and full of contradictions.

Another thing abt obsession that I don’t like is how I subconsciously start to mirror them. I start to take on their mannerisms and interests and etc etc. i can get so easily sucked into the person that I lose myself, I really can’t afford to lose myself rn.

Those are all the things off the top of my head but there’s definitely more to it. But I gotta sleep cus it’s fuckin 4 am

[polarnoid]

⭐

MULTIMUSE MEME: Send a " ⭐ " and I will list muses I would be interested in throwing at yours, or potential muse combinations if you are also a multi.

okay im gonna try and like keep things we have talked about off the table for the meanwhile, there are some muses i am interested in i do not know much about ?? but hehhe we can definitely talk also sticking to the non private ones but like you know where to find me if you have any other ideas from this...

nancy & jeremy.

ok but of them are nosey like that, also nancy is obsessed with the truth and getting to the bottom of things. jeremy could join in on the fun, except nancy isn't fun but i think it would be an interesting dynamic to flesh out. and idk she could be judgey and a meanie but also she needs friends desperately...she's so alone dkjfhgkdjhg FRIENDS !! SHE WRITES STUFF DOWN HE COULD PUT A BOARD SOLVE MYSTERIES he could even get a gun and shoot things !!

alice & jeremy.

so alice is an experiment in her st verse, again suggesting the premise of teens get their own el sorta situation. also she is weird girl coded. possibly interesting to explore how they would get along and get to the bottom of what happened to her and who did it to her, while she tries to like live out a life. as normal as possible. she is a little weirdooo befriend her maybe.

the undertaker & laszlo.

monster hunter meet vampire, that would be really fun i think. laszlo is soooo him and taker is just a grumpy stoic guy, fun dynamic could happen here. possibly. taker is also like immortal so we could have fun with that i think possibly.

the undertaker & van helsing.

oh ??? monster hunter friends?? buddies?? can taker have buddies?? i dont know but they can join forces and um kick ass i suppose i suggest maybe ...

the pack & dean.

hey dean you wouldn't want to hunt these silly guys, these kids, they do kill people and are chill about it but also they are lil guys, also have no clue how werewolves like work, would probably not really know about hunters until like they meet one. so fun! they can be annoying hehe and dean can just endure it.

patrick & axel.

oh guys who are guys and up to no good, could be a cool friendship especially if axel is all like that. but patrick is chiller i think, i hope. they can have their fun, hehehe.

constantine & rowena.

this one just pop into my head. magic users !!! uhhh maybe working together maybe working against each other.

arnie & jeremy.

oh stoner cool guy, not the greatest influence. also arnie has like bad bad luck, so maybe that would be real funny. maybe even have them both be camp conselours or maybe they get involved in the middle of the st happenings without any previous knowledge as to how they found themselves there in the first place.

fiona & rowena.

hey hey that's her mother in law, and fiona is sooo lonely. and freaked out. god this could go really well or like really really bad ? idk they are family now and they have to deal with the fact. also fiona has no clue what's going on. and rowena has had a kid before, would she help fiona deal with being pregnant and then having a kid? i feel like again this would be really good or like possibly the worst thing i think.

castiel & rowena.

ok funny to me, i do not know how their dynamic plays out but i want them to interact...sue me??

richie & max.

ok alright mike's queer cousin, the worst little guy ! i think they might not get along but the two of them got involved with the upside down thing late into things happening. lot's of bickering trying to out sass each other that is real funny to me. also probably could help or be worse about the things that happen to max on a personal level.

vada & carol.

um worsties? friends who are mean to each other? mean bitches hehehe they can cause problems on purpose

lazarus & baron.

hey two TWO cult guys, maybe they can be rivals or enemies, something supernatural happenings in the background of things perchance...also idk its interesting to think about at least.

rosa & rowena.

ok starting out witch meets ancient witch...could be a mentoring of sorts, or maybe just like witches look out for other witches. we could do a whole lore thing for witches. but you know rosa is a goody two shoes sooo hmmmm.

ophelia & rowena.

oh well again recent witch meets ancient witch, but ophelia is more evil coded and her magic comes from a super ancient eldritch entity, again something fun to explore given how ophelia has definitely not reached her full potential. we could throw the rest of the house at rowena but i personally feel the cool interaction is with ophelia...

muireann & dean.

um just an insane thing here...fish out of water, eats men for fun...also she is pretty, maybe she just needs to be helped a little over here...definitely giving her a more modern verse with my own ideas for what mermaids would be in spn...definitely different from sirens.

constantine & dean.

funny to me. personally. did you know they based cas on constantine? yeah but constantine is just a dickhead, idk man two dickheads one is a hunter and the other one is a magic user. more people there to annoy dean yay !!

@shadowcovcn

[renewingagain]

thursday 12 january 2023 // 4:14pm

happy new year g !

i’ve started off the year doing dry jan AND dry feb. the latter half of 2022 was pretty fun but was sooo fuelled with alcohol, and you know when your body is telling you it needs a massive break? that!

so im doing dry for a few reasons 

let my body detox and feel better

get slimmer for the gig in march

get slimmer for other stuff

new job and cant afford to be hungover

time efficiency - i waste TOO much time being hungover and doing nothing

my last drink was on NYE and since then i’ve not touched alcohol. it’s only been 12 days but my body already feels so much better and my sleep feels deeper. im really excited to assess how im feeling physically and mentally as this goes on

i’m not gonna have a drink until after the DFC gig on 4th march. i wont even drink on my 25th bday!

i’m also trying to limit takeaways and drink LOTS more water. im also finishing off all my freezer food so i can cook foods fresh and batch freeze stuff.

i know this is the usual spiel when people start the new year, however im truly determined to do it this time. i’ve marked 2023 to be the year of progression. by the end of year i want to have tried to achieve the following:

new job

slimmer body

new place ! (london?)

its funny cus i’ve told so many people im doing dry jan and feb and they all laugh at me (as i am usually such a drinker) and they dont think i can do it. but i know i can do it and i will! it would actually be embarrassing at this point anyway if i break it because i’ve kept myself accountable by telling so many people i’m doing it

i genuinely feel really positive about 2023. my mental health has been really good so far, im learning to let go of a lot. i’ve been taking ashwagandha for a while and i dont know if it is placebo but i do feel like it really has helped balance me out.

going dry has helped limit some social interactions too, i feel like im going in to hiding a little bit but i feel like that’s what i need to do

i really hope this year turns out the way i want it to. im tired of being complacent, stagnant, i want to achieve what i want, i want to enjoy my life even more and make the most of it

2022 was both good and bad, it started off awful but just got better and better.

i’m learning to let go of the shame that comes with being gay, im so ready to just be myself. it does equally scare me a LOT as there are still family that don’t know and i fear their reactions to it, but what can i do about that really. unfortunately it is what it is, but i know that i have some family who DO support me, as well as friends of course who are like family to me.

it might sound really silly, but im gonna get some piercings this week to have a bit more of a faggotry look. i really want to continue exploring myself, my sexuality, and how that presents both with my attitude and look. i feel like a nose piercing (as silly as it sounds) is a good start, i dont see many indian guys who have their nose pierced (well that i know of anyway) but i just want to look and be more queer. i want to own my fucking queerness because it really is who i am

i cant wait to boss bitch this year. lets revert back to the goals for 2023 because i have more goals

BEGINNING OF A NEW CAREER

i’ve started a new role in the civil service, its my first week (started on monday 9th) and to be fair it seems alright so far. it seems more interesting than what i was doing before, but i know that a career in the CS isn’t what i want for now [at least with what im currently doing there]

as i’ve previously expressed, i’d much rather work in IT/Tech. i know it is something i am good at, and it requires training to do it. i was trying to train for it last year, unfortunately, it didn’t really work out in 2022. i just lacked the time to do it and the drive to do it. 2022 was still a big adjustment period for me in terms of just feeling more secure in myself, working out what i want to do in life, who i am etc etc, as well as looking after my mental health

again, lately im feeling much better with myself, im learning to not deep things too much and let go of stuff. im learning to not let my anxiety and restless mind get the better of me. i really just want to make the most of life, as it is limited and time is indeed sort (such a cliché, i know, but its true!)

there is definitely opportunity in the CS to progress and im really enjoying the experience im getting from it, but as i said before its not what i want to do! the ultimate goal in life is to become a software developer, so i can then work my way into music technologies and combine my skills with my degree. i could come back to the CS one day, but in the career i want to be in ! at least i have the clearance for it !

i want to start from the very beginning of tech which is IT. 

i also want to be a freelance singer and musician if that works out at all. performing live would be the ABSOLUTE DREAM. im so so happy that dreamflower are doing stuff again, it brings me such life, as well as doing things like cruise ship work

but how can this be achieved? well this leads me nicely into point 2

2. MOVE TO LONDON (or anywhere besides birmingham)

Moving to London would be a dream music wise. The opportunities there really are endless and it’s the best place to be as an aspiring musician. It’s also so beautiful and rich with culture. Expensive? Absolutely. HOWEVER,

Massi has very kindly offered to house me there for work as they are in the middle of extensions which will be finished in a few months. I just feel like it would be silly for me not to take up this opportunity to then live and work there

I also feel like this is the perfect opportunity to take a break from work and upskill. I’m pretty sure massi would happily look after me for three months while i upskill and get into tech. I could use Lucas’s company as a way to do that, or pay for a course again. It would be a GRAFT but it would fly by and then I could finally get in to what I want to do

I can also then do my music things over there and audition for things like cruise ship work, which would be SO MUCH FUN! 

and there i can get myself into the gay scene, connect with people like me (south asian queers) and find a new family down there and continue to find my identity. it would just be beautiful

I need to talk to massi about it, but im aiming for July/August time. I feel as though sheffield is now a closed chapter as I came to work out what i want to do with my life.

My contingency plan could be to move back home once the extension is done. While this is not desired, again, it could just be a case of grafting for a few months, upskilling, and then moving out again to a new city (London or Manchester or LEEDS! or NEWCASTLE!)

I need to save a fair amount of money and have a cash cushion. Roll on EO overtime! Try and do as much as I can while I have this job and work hard. It will all pay off.

3. RELEASE AN EP

i realise that this may be slightly unrealistic, but i can at least start one for SURE. whether being connected to sheffield, birmingham, or london, i know many musicians in all those cities who i could do this with. furthermore, mum got me a nice MIDI keyboard for xmas and a good sustain pedal so there isnt really an excuse. even if i just toyed around on logic and watched tutorials this would be sufficient! and it would just be so much fun

i need to make a list of what kind of songs to do and what inspires me. start a spotify playlist

JUST START IT THOUGH! be inspired from sounds and do cool things

4. (a) GET FIT by eating better

i am seeing the impacts that dry jan and feb is having on me, and i feel like i am already starting to slim down and its only been two weeks. i wonder how it will be at the end of feb! doing this alongside just trying to eat better and drinking more water is having a notable difference on my health i feel. i feel like my sleep is getting deeper and better

4. (b) GET FIT - half marathon

i didnt do it last year so i want to achieve it this year. i dont necessarily have to run an official one this year, but just to be able to get to the ability where i can do it is enough. i was really good at running and i know i will be able to achieve this again. just start small after work and see what happens, let your ability grow again

4. (c) GET FIT - confidence

again, i buy so many nice things which are just a touch too small for me. i would be able to fit into these nicely and be even more sexy than i already am! and in turn, feel good about myself, physically, MENTALLY, and sexually

my big problem is that i always have these ideas and thoughts swimming around in my head but im never good at making them happen. i need to be proactive. how can i achieve this without putting too much pressure on myself? perhaps i need to refer to this post again and again and again to remain inspired. i also need to just take it easy and not put pressure on myself otherwise i just shut down and crumble

i also just want to end this post by touching on gratefulness.

please, God, help me to be more grateful this year. yes i am tired from things like work and waking up early. but i want to be so thankful for where i am in life and the opportunities i have that surround me. i want to be thankful for the simplest of things, like running water, having heating (even in the cozzy livs) and having food and being able to feed myself. many dont get that luxury.

i am thankful to be surrounded by technology and many things, where i can continue to learn again and again and again. 

i am thankful to have a good set of family and friends around me

i am thankful to even have a job and make an earning. i am thankful that within this job i can even flexi hours to an extent

i am thankful to be sat in a comfortable bed as i am writing this. i am thankful i have a place to rest my head at night

please please help me to keep thankfulness and gratitude at the heart of everything i do and who i am. i am lucky to have what i have even though i want things to be better. i want to be content while simultaneously having the drive to do better and do more

love,

G

[calciferstims]

granted, i dont scroll down far anymore, aint done for a while, but yea, the little i do have scrolled down, aint seen nobody talk about it. saw its about some historic thang though? but do go off talk about it haha, i have no idea what it is about other than its historic?

OHHHH HO HO HO YOU’VE UNLOCKED THE HYPERFIXATION POWERPOINT BUCKAROO

historical… histor.. yeah that’s a word you could use to describe it uh huh

but anyways

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH?? MORE LIKE

🏳️‍🌈 GAY 🏳️‍🌈

PIRATE

✨ROM-COM✨

You heard me right bitches. It’s a fun pirate comedy series with a gay romance at the center and when I say gay I mean like, actually gay. It is not queerbaiting, it is not just hinted at it is very legitimately gay. And it is not just like, about being gay at all or about pretty teenagers with abs discovering their sexuality. It’s the middle aged men falling in love you’ve always wanted and it’s fucking pirates like. Dude.

It uhhh it’s actually the best queer rep I’ve seen like, ever and it seriously got to me actually. Just the show combined with the way the creators and cast interact with the fandom is just so lovely it feels like I am being kissed gently on the head and healed from years of being teased and baited… gosh…

It stars Rhys Darby and Taika Waititi as these darlings, Blackbeard (Edward Teach) and The Gentleman Pirate (Stede Bonnet), two real pirates who sailed together at some point in history.

Y’all all know who Blackbeard is, he’s the most feared pirate and history bla bla bla (but of course in this show he’s just a big softie wrapped in leather and tattoos). Meanwhile, you have Stede, who’s basically this frilly privileged rich guy who ran away from home to be a pirate but he’s just super rubbish at it.

Basically the premise is that Stede and Blackbeard/Ed meet, they are immediately fascinated with each other, and they make an arrangement between them where Ed teaches Stede how to be a better pirate, and Stede teaches Ed how to live the fancy life and also just how to enjoy nice things. Plot and romance ensues!!

It’s obviously a comedy so it’s very silly at times, but those comedic moments are also intercut with plenty of very deep, dark emotional stuff and genuinely tender, heart-wrenching romance, and it’s full of real good symbolism as well as just ‘he he gay pirates’ and it’s just so fucking good guys.

It also has some really sweet side pairings that are also queer, and actual, legit they/them nonbinary rep with an actual nonbinary actor! It’s super cool!

It is on HBO Max (and I’m sure there’s some way to pirate it. hehe pirate pun) and I highly recommend you all watch it :)) I’ve converted two irl friends already and I have no plans of stopping >:)

[beeexx]

Because all queer men are to you are entertainment. Fuck you, fetishizing bitch.

Wow okay. So let’s begin this lil ask by me actually laughing at the absurdity of this????? Like you whoever you are hiding behind the anonymous icon slid into my dms and made a presumption about me and called me a bitch????? What?? Did that ACTUALLY happen?? 😂😂😂

Second. You know I think fair criticism or just conversations about things you might disagree on is a good thing. We learn from talking respectfully to each other. I’d be happy to have a conversation about fetishisation of mlm ships in fandom (also wlw let’s be honest) because I agree this can be an issue but I also think you have to be mindful that fetishisation, is often done, (but not only) by straight women who hyperfixate on mlm which stems from how women’s bodies as well as their sexuality and desire is policed and have been suppressed by patriarchal social structures for a long time, still is too. It doesn’t make fetishisation okay but it gives you a framework to begin untangling and to begin to understand why it happens. Instead try to have a talk about how women (and non binary and queer people) can be given safe and respectful ways to discover their own sexuality while also acknowledging where this stems from. This is a broader conversation for sure and there are so many aspects to consider but I don’t want to get too bogged down with details so moving on.

Ok my third point. I’m assuming you came at me for this post (https://beeexx.tumblr.com/tagged/if%20it%20doesn’t%20happen%20then%20that’s%20definitely%20not%20true%20to%20their%20characters)

I’m on my phone and it is late and it won’t let me add the link so don’t come at me again for this lol. ANYWAY, I will offer an explanation for this as my original post was so misconstrued apparently. I’m not even a big blog in this fandom, like I am inconsistent so no one pays attention to lil me which is why I never get a lot of notifications. Now, I made this post in a little jokey kind of way I will admit that, though I also think this would fit the characterisation of them as characters and where they are now. Last time in season 2 when they were on call where Carlos says “firefighters you really are a smug bunch” “you love it” they were all flirty and comfortable around each other. The trailer sets up next week’s episode as very serious and parts of it might be though I think the baseball game will be fun and lighthearted with a lot of banter for all the characters, both from the police and the firefighters. Now a potential set up for tarlos is just that they jokingly trash talk each other like the rest of the team only to realise that nah being close and kissing is a much better way to spend our time here. Now this is a couple that has been through a lot recently who are stronger now and finally together after months apart. It would make sense that some of that honeymoon period magic would slip back into their daily lives and going without the other’s touch for so long makes them act a little silly around each other. Who knows? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m gonna leave it at this now and just say this, it is incredibly rude to attack people on the internet in this aggressive tone. It’s scary too that people think they have the liberty to call people they don’t know a bitch out of the blue in a way that feels aimed to be disrespectful and just to hurt. I hope you have a life outside of this website, I really do because yikes this is pathetic. Anyway I hope you have a good day anyway and think more carefully next time before jumping into someone’s dms writing hateful messages.

Peace✌🏻

[helpicant-stop]

sylvester do u have any song recs im asking because you’re a cool and funky person and also i need more songs

YES I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO FUCKIN LONG TO BE ASKED THIS

we're going by genres now bitch

vocaloid: check here

dsmp: out of touch by tia jade if by some miracle you haven't seen it yet and also betray somebody by oh no he's here. also if you haven't seen derivakat/kanaya songs yet how the hell are you in this fandom /lh

songs for when you are a cat but also own a copy shop: copy cat by melanie martinez, copycat by vocacircus, my copycat by orange caramel, copycat by billie eilish

stuff that has fairytale vibes: jabberworky, tarts, winter moon, come little children, the willow maid all by erutan; sera was never cover by alina gingertail {erutan also has one on her instrumental channel the menagerie}; le bal des chats by cecil corbel

songs that are kind of dark but have fantastic vibes: the evelyn evelyn album {cw because i'm pretty sure sandy fishnets is about pedophilia}; the murder of jane crow {my lobotomy is a banger but cw for alcohol and [you guessed it] lobotomies}; we're all mad by the circus contraption; death of the cog by the cog is dead; blood right by madame macabre {fun fact i found this song about 4 years ago via a now deleted gachaverse series }; the silent by tragic tantrum {cw for like slight ableist language, parasitic behaviour, eating someone inside out without consent and general disturbing themes}; bully boys by the tiger lillies {this isn't even dark i don't think it's just a little quirky goofy silly and a little weird}

song that feels like if queer people turned the colour purple into a drink: all dolled up and cosmicandy girl by the orion experience {see also: adrianne by the orion experience. it doesn't have the same vibe i just love the song in general}

old songs with good vibes: the george baker selection {favourites are dreamboat and una paloma blanca} and bad girls by donna summer

metal/rock??: yorktown and monster ball by butcher babies; inkya impulse from asobi asobase {shoutout to the unused one that also slaps}; this guy called falkkone who makes banger covers {they did baby shark for april fools once and i listen to it every morning as motivation/hj}; linzey rae {she has her own band but she made a cover of shut up and dance like 6 years ago and i love it}; pisces by jinjer; idol, telephone, and toxic covers by lauren babic; anything by babymetal {but i love iine and shanti shanti shanti}; age age money by ladybaby; the in-between and as above, so below by in this moment; lies behind your eyes' cover of fake love; our last night's 7 rings cover; everything by the oozes but specifically wanker, bitchboy and cryin' (like a baby); the cover of usseewa by futakuchi mana

stuff with unplaceable genres but are really poggers: tantrum, maggots and daisy 2.0 by ashnikko and brutus by buttress {cw for murder}; undertaker by graveyardguy {cw for ??? weirdly graphic suggestive themes and a mention of maggots}

hyperpop: anything by dorian electra but specifically my agenda and ram it down; the friday remix and personal by rebecca black; toxic by pussy riot {cw for blood and a mention of a dick}; legend by alice longyu gao and alice glass; this one mashup of faceshopping by sophie and nicki minaj's monster verse or something; in my mouth by the black dresses {cw for suggestive themes}

this one artist with a genre that i can't describe: lil mariko but specifically boring and i'm baby {cw for suggestive themes in a lot of them}

songs that absoputely SERVE: fashionista by jimmy james; immature couture by poppy; hot couture and robbed by manila luzon; my beauty by beauty freak ft. malee; let's face it i'm cute by 11 acorn lane

poppy: poppy. she does like. so many genres you're bound to find at least one thing that bangs but for more pop-ish stuff go to girls in bikinis/am i a girl, for stuff that sounds like 90s rock (?) her and so mean are banger, for stuff that sounds calming go to poppy's christmas album or the majority of flux, for her like electronic(??) aggressive loud soundy stuff in a similar vein to derivakat's revived i really like the eat ep {cw for: political shit in CUE, antinatalism (???) themes in breeders and an ed in EAT} and the extras in i disagree. her music also frequently features screams! bite your teeth is i think one of the most traditionally metalish ones she has and i have no idea where meat, voicemail and choke fall but boy do they bang {cw for themes of consuming humans/slaughterhouse practises and asphyxiation}; she also has instrumentals, like music to scream to

also no idea what genres these are: jazmin bean's music bangs and is also really diverse. my personal favourites are super slaughter and worldwide torture but they're all amazing

musicals: lizzie the musical, especially the house of borden {general cw for domestic abuse, poison, food poisoning, death, prison and murder} ; the guy who didn't like musicals, especially join us and die {cw for gross cult shit??, murder, police brutality being satirised??, gore, and a small emetophobia warning}; chicago but my favourite changes depending on the day but cell block tango is a good start because it is about women murdering their husbands; and six, especially all you wanna do {cw for grooming. also haus of holbein has a historically inaccurate line about corsets}. avenue q is mildly questionable but boy if i don't listen to if you were gay every day {cw for ?? a song about racism ??? and suggestive themes but they're fucking puppets so idk man}; the cats musical but specifically mr. mistofellees, memory (reprise) and rum tum tugger {cw for vaguely suggestive cat behaviour}

opera {these are prety popular but i still like them okay}: habanera from carmen; the doll song from tales of hoffmann; fruhlingsstimmen {big q's lore stream had the instrumental version of this as the background music}, figaro's aria from the barber of seville; queen of the night from the magic flute

anime osts: the youjo senki and puella magi madoka magica osts (including the opening and ending), the asobi asobase ending song

horror(??) instrumentals: check out colin stetson! i especially love among the sef

classical: literally anything by tchaikovsky, but can can music by offenbach; in the hall of the mountain king by grieg {which, fun fact, was interpolated into ashnikko's halloweenie iv: innards. by the way if you watch innards it has very graphic body horror fx, insect mentions, and general unsettling themes}; beethoven's 9th symphony; the planets by gustav holst; and lacrimosa by mozart are also really good

rap ?? music: anything by rico nasty but i like the smack a bitch remix and ohfr and also pj by ppcocaine is really good {suggestive themes cw also i think there's a straight up moan in there at some point}; and roman holiday by nicki minaj {cw for converstion therapy and an exorcism if you choose to watch the grammys video of it}

childrens songs {mostly disney} that make me want to buy a giant oven and bake a failed elsa cake /pos: shiny; a girl worth fighting for; how bad can i be {i'm being so serious rn fuckin fight me on this /j/lh}; evil like me; the walrus and the carpenter; how can i refuse and barbie songs in general;

and lastly: threnody by missmi. yes i am fucking promoting her songs again because yall better listen to them they're legit so good. part 7 just came out yesterday and it's a banger now go watch them

[jackambrosemodeling]

Boy Talk || Jack & Brandon

When: May 2, 2021

Where: Jack’s apartment, Santa Monica, California

Featuring: Brandon Kelly (dialogue provided by Katie @itsbrandonkelly)

Triggers: Allusion to alcoholism

After firing off a You’d better be home. text to Jack, he realised that he really should have checked first to save him from waiting outside their apartment but that’s why there were so many saying about hindsight. Still, he knocked to let his presence be known instead of texting again, hoping he’d timed his visit well.

Jack was coincidentally home when they received Brandon's text. They got out of the shower when they saw the message. After texting him back with a 'bitch I might be', Jack unlocked their door as well as the entrance door to the apartment building. They followed up with a 'door's open' text and went to go find clothes to put on before Brandon came inside.

He huffed out in amusement at the first response he got and then knocked again at the second before letting himself in. “Who leaves their door open? This is the start to every horror film ever, then again just letting yourself into someone’s home is also how they start.” He called out, heading to the kitchen instead of looking for Jack. He figured they would have answered the door if they weren’t occupied with something else and so they’d join him when they were done. When he found glasses, he settled himself on the couch and shrugged off his jacket.

"I do when I know someone's coming over!" they yelled from behind their closed bedroom door. If someone had actually broken into their apartment for nefarious purposes, Jack was more than prepared to deal with the situation. Once they were presentable, they looked around until they found Brandon in the living room. "Comfy there?" they teased. "You know I love seeing you, but a little more of a heads up would've been nice. I could've still been in the shower. I could've been actively having sex!"

“Who’s supposed to be coming over? I can’t believe you were inviting people to chill and I wasn’t one of them?” Brandon had taken out his phone to sit on the couch with him and had even gotten as far as pouring them both a drink before Jack had come to meet him. “Yep. I made myself at home.” He gave Jack his best smile, even fluttering his eyelashes for good measure. “If you loved seeing me that much you would invite me over to do those things with you. Besides, it’s not much of a surprise visit if I tell you about it, is it?”

“You! I opened the door for you, silly!” Jack looked at the two glasses, then back to Brandon. “Oh shit, the wine that Nyle sent as a moving present! I forgot I had that.” They didn’t want to be rude and throw it out, and figured it would be good to have in case of guests, so they hid it. The fact that they managed to not drink any of it themself was a miracle. “Yeah, I’m not sure how Viv would feel about that... speaking of which. Fun update in my life. I’m kind of seeing someone? Still figuring out labels and whatnot.” Though there were rumors floating around the gossip sphere, Brandon was the first person they confirmed the rumor to.

“Then the door wouldn’t be open so it wouldn’t matter if you were showering or fucking, would it?” Jack’s comment had Brandon looking at the bottle again and picking up the glass closest to it. “Mine is alcoholic. I brought you some appley juice recommended by the best palate I know.” He patted the space beside him before his eyebrows raised in surprise. “You settled before you boned me? Disgusting. Unacceptable.” Despite his words, he started grinning. “I’m so happy for you, babe. That’s cute.”

“Brandon, stop making good points,” they huffed, sitting down on the couch next to Brandon. “Oh, thanks.” While Jack had never explicitly told Brandon why they quit drinking, it appeared that he had gotten the hint. “I’m sorry. It turns out I have a SIMP gene that was activated by me moving to Santa Monica. Who would’ve thunk it?” they joked, knowing damn well that they’ve simped over every person they’ve ever dated.

“I can’t help that I’m brilliant. Sorry buddy; you just gotta live with that I’m afraid.” He hummed quietly in amusement. Brandon simply offered them a smile at their thanks. They never joined in whenever B was drinking and he was nothing if not attentive. Sometimes, at least. “Literally no one because the simp gene has always been in you and always been active but I’ll keep that to myself if it really makes you feel better.”

"All my friends are hot and smart, but I'm just hot. Story of my life." Jack sighed, taking a sip of the juice that was so graciously provided to them. "Excuse me?!" Jack exclaimed overdramatically. "Are you calling me a simp? In the comfort of my own apartment?! I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment. I don't know how I'll go on!" They busted into  laughter, unable to keep the act up.

“You’re hot and smart. What the fuck are you talking about? Be nice to my friend or I’ll kick your ass.” He reached his foot out to nudge Jack with, an amused smile on his face. “Plus, you’re also super hot, own it. And yes. I’m calling you a simp. You’re the themperor of simpington. Population... Uh, I don’t know how many people are in Santa Monica but that’s the population.”

“Brandon, I was a straight-C student in high school and have the common sense of a bag of potato chips. I know my strengths and weaknesses.” Jack knew they weren’t book smart and it didn’t bother them. “Excuse me, I am not Themperor Simpington. That title belongs to Sunwoo Seong. Have you met them? But they did skip town a while back... shit. I didn’t ask for this title. I need to find a new non-binary friend to bestow this title on. I just need more enby friends in general.”

“You don’t have the common sense of a bag of potato chips, Jesus Christ Jack.” Brandon laughed as he slapped Jack’s arm. “You’ve survived this long in this industry, babe. That’s not down to potato chip brain, even I nearly crashed out a couple of years in.” He raised an eyebrow, head tilted as he fixed them a look of disapproval. “You are Themperor Simpington. The queen has spoken. I met Sunwoo once and obviously offered to climb that tree but they left and Joonie was sad so I’m no longer a fan of tall, hot and dimpled. If it makes you feel any better, I’m a huge simp for my sweet boy.”

“Hey, I’m funny. Fuck you,” they retorted, chuckling. “I’ve been told that I’m charismatic, and that’s helped me out in the industry. I’m still not that famous though.” While Jack was relatively well-known in queer circles, heterosexual circles were a whole other ballpark. Being friends with Brandon and recently befriending Vanessa did help their social standing though. “Themperor Simpington my butt,” they grumbled. “Wait, when you say ‘my sweet boy,’ do you mean Minjoon or do you have another boo I should know about?”

“Bitch, I been trying to get you to for so long now. I was starting to think you needed glasses.” Bee broke into a laugh before he even finished his sentence, nudging Jack’s arm in his giggling. “Yeah, you have to have a look and you have to be charming to start work in this industry but to survive in it? You have to be smart. About that though, I know I keep promising you a space on my next project and it’s had a few.. speed bumps I guess? Not really speed bumps but personal delays? Either way, I know enough now to be able to tell you that Queen B’s.. that I’m releasing a trial perfume.. fragrance line. Five scents to start, each will have its own colour have theme shots with, each will have its own model to associate with and I want you, if you’re interested?” Their mumbling made Brandon grin, coughing as a terrible fake attempt at covering up the ‘Simp.’ he titled them with again. “Minjoon is my sweet boy. I don’t have another boo, not even a little bit but if you hear simp alarms going off whenever I like the instas of a very beautiful friend of mine then mind ya business.”

"Oh my god. Brandooooon!" Though Jack had quite a few friends with benefits in their days, whenever the thought of doing anything with Brandon crossed their mind, they thought about the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed seventeen-year-old they met all those years ago. Jack's eyes lit up when he started talking about his fragrance line project. "Oh hell yeah I'm interested. Just remember, my favorite colors are purple and pink." They winked at Brandon. Aside from one photoshoot in L.A. that they did after fashion weeks, their work schedule was dryer than a desert. Of course they wouldn't tell him that though. They didn't want to sound desperate. Jack would've taken this job even if they weren't in need of work. "B, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than that. I know you. You don't befriend ugly people."

The laugh that left him this time was more of a giggle and he scrunched his nose up, shaking his head. “I tease but honestly, you’re practically family. Did you know that my parents ask after you? They know as much about you as I do but.. Well, they’re embarrassing. Eh, mom’s okay. Dad’s embarrassing so you’ll probably never meet them but yeah.. They get told about the important people in my life and you’ve been in it longer than Joonie.” Brandon groaned, setting his glass down. “Can’t believe I’m being gross and emotional already. Moving on..” He said, a little louder. “Purple would be fantastic for you. It’s a very royal colour and I’m going to do the obvious and lean into that a little but silk, not velvet. Pink was going to have a sweet-candy-lace vibe to it but if you want pink I can give you pink.” Brandon rolled his eyes, despite the heat he could feel spreading up his neck. “I have a... friend called Kian and he’s... There hasn’t been a word invented yet for how beautiful he is and it’s ridiculous and gross because I don’t lose my mind over pretty boys but he’s.. He makes me blush, Jack. I don’t blush.”

"Brandooooooooon! Stop, you're gonna make me blush. I'd love to meet your parents. Parents love me. Well, actually, I just love milfs and dilfs," Jack cackled at their own dumb joke. "But in all seriousness, let me know when they come to town!" As much as they wanted to meet Mr. and Mrs. Kelly, they didn't want to go to the Kelly home to do so. Jack knew that they shared a home state with Brandon, and didn't want to reenter North Carolina at the risk of running into their family. "Ooh, purple and silk? Now you're speaking my language!" Jack wiggled their eyebrows when Brandon mentioned Kian by name. "A yes, the cute delivery boy. You've mentioned him before. We're Instagram mutuals!"

“Do it! Blush, you coward!” Brandon laughed, leaning against Jack’s arm to nudge them. “Oh my god. I can’t believe I have to say this but if you’re gonna fuck my parents, please don’t date them and wait until I’m out of the room if you’re going to flirt, I don’t need to see that. They really would love to meet you though, they’ve been waiting for permission to come to town.” Brandon grinned at Jack at their approval, giving a small nod. “I’ll get some things drawn up for you. I do have a few already as rough drafts but now I know you’re taking it, I can design something a little more tailored to you.” The warmth spreading across his cheeks and colouring his face a darker shade of pink only grew worse as Jack wiggled their brows at him. “Yeah.. Well.. He’s almost perfect. The only thing I’d change about him is his last name.” His reaction to himself was instant, throwing himself against the cushions to yell out a laugh. “And I keep saying dumb cheesy shit like that! I’m a bumbling mess around him. Like.. Like I start off all smooth and collected and then he smiles and I’m just.. fucking applying to be hired by hallmark. It’s.. It’s so cringe and gross and... I’m happy.”

"Brandon, I'll become your new step-parent and ground you, don't tempt me," Jack joked, cackling. "Well give it to them! Don't deprive me of your loving parents!" Jack didn't have loving parents of their own, so if Brandon's parents were anything like Brandon, Jack was going to latch to them like nobody's business. "Oh my goooooooooooood, that was so coooooorrrrnnnnnyyyyy! Damn, and you call me a simp! I'm not out here reciting poetry on main about my crush. And if you bring up the fact that we have keys to each others' apartments, mind your business." Jack knew they were simping hard over Vivian, but now it was Brandon's turn to be in the hot seat. "So have you considered, you know, talking to him?"

“Their ex girlfriend actually tried that once. Oh my god, it was kind of funny though. You’ll have to treat me better when our guests arrive and do as you’re told or I’ll have you cut off until you learn some damn respect.” He mimicked in a too high voice, rolling his eyes afterwards. “Like.. Honey, I’ve only just noticed you’re not the last guy they were dating and that’s only because you started pterodactyl screeching.” Despite his playful tone, Brandon could feel warmth spreading across his face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll.. I’ll invite them up to meet you.” Having made peace with the fact that he‘d made himself into a product, his parents were off limits when it came to the people in his life, knowing how fickle and superficial a lot of his relationships with people were. It was different with Jack though, Jack really was his friend. “Honestly, I’ve been an absolute mess. I pulled the whole ‘My friends call me B, you can call me any time.’ Thing on him when we met and now I just blush all the time and feel nauseous over butterflies.” He waved his hand quickly at Jack’s news, shaking his head. “NUH uh.. We are not going to just gloss over that? Oh my god? Keys? You’re entering domesticity. Like.. Me and Joonie levels of domesticity and my parents are the founders of the BranJoon wedding fan club. Like.. You’re getting into that territory..” There was a small pause before a smile spread across his face. “I’m happy for you, babe. Honestly. You deserve this.” He couldn’t help but sigh at the question, sinking into his seat a little with a pout on his features and a small shrug. “I’ve been so obvious about it. Short of getting a neon sign to carry around, I don’t know how much more obvious I could be and sometimes it feels like he’s being obvious back? Like.. It feels like it’s not just one sided? And then I start having a gay panic and do something dumb because he’s way out of my league which is a new thing for me. I do want to though. Should I?”

"Hold up, hold up. I said that as a joke. You're telling me that your parents are actually non-monogamous?! And you didn't tell me until now?! I came out as polyam like, 2-3 years ago! And now I'm in a monogamous set-up again. I missed my shot. I'm hurt." Jack put their hands over their chest and sniffled, but almost immediately returned to their usual cheerful demeanor. "I'm kidding, I'm not gonna become your step-daddy, or... I don't know what a gender-neutral equivalent would be besides 'parent,' and that doesn't roll of the tongue as well." This wasn't something they had to think about right away. It wasn't like they were going to wake up tomorrow with a child. "Ah yes, your infamous pick-up line." Jack's face turned pink when Brandon acknowledged the keys. "Okay, I actually do have an explanation! I initially gave her my spare key because I asked her to water my plants when I was away for Fashion Week. Granted, she didn't do a good job and managed to kill both plants, but that's an aside. But yeah, I just never asked for the spare key back." Jack gave Brandon a shoulder pat. They really didn't know Kian, so couldn't tell what the full situation was. "What I've learned from my many years of dating men is that men are dumb and sometimes you literally need to spell things out for them."

“As momma dearest says, monogamy is for the weak. Anyway, they were already in a relationship when you came out. Also? I don’t want to be hooking my parents up with my hotties?” Brandon pulled a face at Jack, nose scrunched up in disapproval. “To be fair though, you and Viv wouldn’t even be the first couple they’ve dated. You’d be the first I’d... somewhat approve of but..” He shrugged before laughing. “Oh my god. There are a couple.. Zaza or zeze instead of dada and mama but given the chance I’d mash up dad and mom and just refer to you as my dom to make everyone in the room uncomfortable.” He shook his head, laughing quietly. “I hate this so much, Jack please.” “I think it’s funny, definitely in my top 3 introductions.” He found himself sitting up straighter when he noticed the blush on Jack’s cheeks, a grin forming on his own features. “Oh my god. She killed your plants and you let her keep your key? Say it with me, babe. Simp. You’re cute though. I’m totally 100% on board with the two of you. She was one of my heroes.” When the conversation turned back to him, Brandon tilted his head as he weighed his options. “Not Kiki but... You’re right, I guess. He’s probably so used to everyone being in love with him that my flirting is just baseline niceties. Okay, yeah. I’ll.. I’ll tell him that I’m crazy about him. Or I’ll just text him that aggressive meme about wanting to hold hands.”

"Aaaaah, your parents are so cool! I wish my parents were cool like that. Mine are just homophobic." There was a lot more to Sofia and Tony Corleone than just that, but very few people knew about them. This was very much intentional. They made a face at 'zaza' and 'zeze.' "Yeah, not really digging those ones... Wait. Dom?!" Jack paused to laugh. "Fucking hell. Yes. That's definitely what my future kids are gonna call me." Jack never brought up the topic of kids to Vivian. They were still very early in their relationship and Jack was afraid they were too old to be a parent. It was still a nice thought though. "Yeah. I got back from Paris and she was having a bad day, so I ordered a pizza and we just... talked. Had a real heart-to-heart. I ended up staying the night, and we've basically had an open-door policy with each other ever since. And then the next day I went back into my apartment and found out about the plants."  Jack grabbed a pillow from the couch and lightly smacked Brandon's arm with it. "I know, I know! I'm a big sappy simpy mush. I'm a Cancer, I don't know what you expect from me." It took Jack a long time to accept their emotional side, but now they openly embraced it. "Or he might not know how to recognize flirting. I've met many people like that. Like the cute DJ at that bar where Minjoon used to work. Or Minjoon himself!”

“My parents have a big bank balance and even bigger hearts. That’s why I don’t approve of a lot of their partners but yeah.. As much as I give them shit for being lame, they’re the coolest. I mean, they’re the only reason I’m even.. y’know... Around.” Brandon let out an unattractive snort and sat forward to retrieve his glass, pouting when he realised it was empty but simply sat back instead of refilling it. “Please, I am begging you, think carefully as to why I’d find calling you my dom funny before you commit to that decision.” He pressed his lips together to fight his laugh before he let out a soft hum. “Do you think that’s where you’re headed with her? Is she someone you can see yourself having kids with?” He asked softly, his whole demeanour changing from playful now that they had ventured into serious topics. “You don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to have an answer right now. Things are still new with you both and y’know... Take it from the adopted, some people don’t want kids and some do.” He shrugged a little.

“Ew. You talked to each other over pizza because one of you had a bad day? That’s disgusting.” When hit with the pillow, Brandon grabbed it to tug it away from Jack so they couldn’t attack him again and he hugged it to his chest, propping his chin on it. “I live for that kind of domesticity.” He sighed wistfully. “You are a big simpy mush and I love that about you. It’s gross and honest and just very sweet. I’m really glad you have someone who makes you feel that way, babe.” Brandon  rolled his eyes and gave the pillow a small squeeze. “Vito really doesn’t recognise flirting? The dude wants to be an actor! With a face like that a lot of his roles are probably going to have it. I wanted to ask if he wanted any help getting into it because he was good to Joonie when they worked together and I always appreciate people taking care of the babie but I also feel like I don’t know him well enough to just give him a shout about a job. Eh. Maybe I’ll get Joonie to text him about this perfume thing and actually see what skills he has. Joonbug doesn’t count for the whole flirting thing though, attraction isn’t really his thing.”

"I gotcha," Jack stated, nodding. They had a similar problem when they first started modeling. They loved to spoil their loved ones-- and still do-- and people often took advantage of their generosity. As Jack grew older, they learned how to weed out the moochers. Of course Brandon was never a moocher; he wasn't the type to take without giving, plus he had plenty of his own money. Jack watched for Brandon's reaction, then chuckled in response to his face. "Babe, I know. I was joking. Could you imagine?!" They shrugged at Brandon's question. "Honestly, I have no idea. I think it's too soon to talk about that kinda stuff. I thought I was never gonna become a parent because Sage didn't want kids, but, you know, they're not my fiancé anymore." Sage not wanting kids wasn't the main reason the engagement was broken off, but it was a bone of contention in the relationship.

"Oh hush. One day you'll have a heart-to-heart over pizza too. Well, maybe not because of the whole gluten thing, but some food that you enjoy." They stuck their tongue out at Brandon. "Ohh, that's his name! At least he didn't recognize me flirting with him. Could just be that he wasn't into me because he's straight, but I'm hot so that's dumb." Jack didn't want to have sex with straight dudes anyways, so they didn't consider it a major loss. "Attraction isn't his thing? Is he asexual or something?" they asked curiously. "Wait a minute, you're deflecting!"

[krenbotvt]

What The Fans Of (Almost) Every Scarecrow Design Are Like Just by Surveying Rogue Tumblr for Approx: 5 Months. (Not in any particular order. Also this is a meme.)

Year One: You probably needed a childhood to relate to/needed a justifiable reason to stan one of Gotham’s biggest criminals. (but if your childhood involves being half-eaten by crows i am VERY concerned)  BTAS: The gateway drug Scarecrow. You’re probably a gremlin, and also really like the Dork Squad(tm)  TNBA: He’s under-appreciated, and you know this very well, but you’re also thankful that you get some of the coolest artwork of your favorite spooky boy. (Also the voice. 11/10 you want him to read sleepy hollow to you.) TAOB: You are one of the only 3 living fans of Adventures Of Batman Scarecrow, but you give absolutely no shit. You love that uncanny valley, near on clown-like scarecrow, and i feel bad for you, because you’ll probably never get art of them. Super Friends: I...Wow. Y’all really do exist... Galactic Guardians: YOU GUYS ACTUALLY EXIST TOO??? BATB: JAZZY. You like his hat, and his voice. You also probably enjoy a lot of older scarecrow designs as well. You get sad because you wish there were more content.  The Batman (TV series): PFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (But seriously though, you poor, poor things...There, There...) Assault On Arkham: AA Scarecrow in an otherwise good movie. Basically, you’re sad he didn’t get more screen-time. At this point, just stan: Arkham Asylum: ABSOLUTE GOBLIN OF A HUMAN. One of the gateway drug Scarecrows that lead you to The Rogues fanbase in the first place. You either love the serious artwork of him, love him drawn/written as a gremlin, or are STILL offended by his lack of footwear. Either way, you adore him and will remind everyone of it. Arkham Knight: OH FUCKING BOY. This can go one of two ways. 1.You love his writing (or don’t, but still stan), his poetic dialogue and his voice, and you also love how much he hams up the fear factor. You probably adore every artwork of him you see, and you REALLY love reading any fan-written material of him. You have many headcanons, and probably have googled A LOT of stuff to make them more genuine.  Or 2. You are very, VERY horny... (But as a good friend once said, “these are not mutually exclusive.”) Nightwing And Robin: Aw, y’all are so cute! Here, have some tea with the SF AND GG Fans, I think they have Earl Grey over in the CORNER OF IRRELEVANCY. (But I feel bad for y’all too.) Unlimited: BEEF BOY. You’re either in the group of people that love Scarecrow designs that use scythes, or you like how strange, yet fun his appearance is. Most art of him is super colorful too. There aren’t very many of you, but the amount of you that I’ve seen seem like super cool people. You all probably also enjoy the next one: Batman/TMNT: You knew the movie was a wild ride from start to finish, but you love it. You probably also like birds (I know, really obvious.) There aren’t many of you, but you like the idea of a corvid-like Scarecrow, and you wish for more. Or...You may be a furry that also likes DC stuff, and that’s ok too! We too also oddly love that weird ass cobra joker anyways.  Salecrow: You love his rhyming (which is arguably the best thing about him), but are also annoyed by the fact that most content of him use the same 3 images every time. You’re probably in the same boat as all the other scarecrow fans that genuinely want a proper medieval themed version of him. If you write/draw him, you’ve googled endless nursery rhymes. Its like Dr.Seuss up in this bitch. Also, them hands. Blackest Night: Chances are you’re still amazed that your favorite bag-headed master of fear even HAS that thing. You REALLY want him to wear that damn ring again, and will probably pay an arm and a leg to see it happen in a form of animated media. You also have very interesting artwork/writings of him. And your head canons are outlandish, but in the most fun way. (Seriously though, Hatter with a ring, huh...) Injustice: You either love the concept of The ScareBeast, or you’re here for the fact that hes voice by FREAKING ROBERT ENGLUND. Admittedly, you probably aren’t all too good at fighting games, but you still insta-lock him despite that.  The Dark Knight: Cillian Murphy portrays the character rather well, but you either are unnerved by his strangely dreamboyish face, or would wish for a slightly older actor. But!!! Despite all that!!! You love him, and probably still quote “WaNnA sEe My MaSK???” (Although I see some of you get absolutely tired of that lol) I don’t see any loyal fans of him, but everyone seems to agree that he’s not too shabby (heheh... shabby...) Gotham (Tv Series): ...Hello? Where are you guys? I KNOW you exist! Show yourselves! Jokes aside, you either love him or hate him. Live action scarecrows seem to be a hit or miss for some.  Harley Quinn (Tv Series): Softies. You adore everything about him. His dialogue, his humor, his very surprising accent, and his, albeit a stretch, questionable sexuality implications. Most art of him is very wholesome and good, probably because you’re STILL not over...Well... Maybe its better if I not mention it (all fans of him are the “If I see anything happen to them I’ll kill everyone in this room and then myself” meme.). Detective Comics: Hroo Hraa, my friends. Hroo Hraa. Whether it’s his “Queer grasshopper leaps” or his strange laughter onomatopoeia, you can’t get enough of his antics. Nothing beats a classic, and the fact that there are still many of you that are fans of him makes me smile. New 52/Prime Earth: One of the few scarecrows that greatly changes his childhood, but you welcome the idea of it. He’s a very unsettling looking guy, but you’ll remind everyone that his writing makes up for it. He’s mostly treated like a semi-C tier villain in the continuity, but every time you see him you’re like “!!!!!!!”.You most likely have a list of every issue he appears in so you don’t have to suffer, and your heart still breaks when you read the scene with him and that one girl. (He said he was sorry, guys.) Batman:Hush: 2 and a half sweet and savory minutes of this guy, only for him to get kicked in the face? Nay, Nay, you say! A crime, you holler! You go to your keyboard to tell your friend about how good his character design is, and how well animated he was, but alas they say “that’s nice, bud.” Blast it all... The Lego Batman Movie/Lego in general: Our boy at his most gremlin. Sure, you know this is a 99% children’s medium, but that doesn’t stop you from smiling like a dummy every time you see him. He’s funny, he’s delightful, and he has... a weird obsession with planes? What is it with them and putting him in planes? Maybe he got a pilot’s license before he attended university? What a smart little block person!  Obviously, I left out quite a few here, but these seem to be the most popular. There are SO many comic renditions of him, so It’d take my forever. (My poor fingies already hurt!) But please enjoy this silly little thing :’] 

[fand0mfancies]

Came across this on Tumblr a few days ago, it amused me for a couple of hours or more, filling it in, while watching QI.

 Fandom Questions

 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Star Trek: Voyager, I suppose at least for reading. Started writing with Stargate SG-1.

 2. What is your latest fandom?

I dip in and out of lots of fandoms on and off, the most recent ‘pick up’ is Ballam from Eastenders, I don’t watch soaps, but Robron and Ballam both appear a good bit on my tumblr, so I eventually gave in to checking them out via fic and youtube – thank god for youtube, lol! I still don’t watch soaps, but I watch those storylines!

 3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

Gosh, that’s... actually no that’s really easy. Primeval. For anyone not familiar, it’s a ‘silly little dinosaur show’ produced in the UK. It had 4 short seasons, with a somewhat revolving main cast – although they managed to keep 3 of them through all 4 seasons – but the fandom was/is amazing. I made life long friends through the fandom and even though I don’t write much any more I still read some and still talk with those people.

 4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

I would say no. I can’t say every fandom has always been amazing – ship wars anyone! – but mostly fandom has been a very positive experience in my life.

 5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

How long have you got... in genuinely no particular order (basically as they came to me) Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek (TNG, DS9, Voy, Ent & Reboot Movies), Marvel, Kingsman, Person of Interest, Due South, Quantum Leap, Firefly, Buffy/Angel verse, Harry Potter, The Sentinel, Torchwood(/Doctor Who), Hawaii Five-0, Shadowhunters, Sherlock, Primeval, Emmerdale (Robron), NCIS, CSI (Vegas, NY & Miami), White Collar, Empire Records, Bull, Diagnosis Murder, MacGyver (the original), 1-800-Missing, CHAOS, Without a Trace, M*A*S*H, Charmed, Queer as Folk (US), Will & Grace, Bring it On, Nash Bridges, Magnificent 7 (TV series), House, Babylon 5 – I think I got them all... a few of those were one time only deals, but a lot of them have more (anywhere from 2-52 (or more still!) ranging from 100 word drabbles, to thousands of words – hey I’ve been writing fic for 21 years... you tend to amass a lot of fandoms...

 6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh geez, here we go, lol! Okay...

 Stargate SG-1: Jack O’Neill/Daniel Jackson

Stargate Atlantis: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard

Star Trek: Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Chakotay/Tom Paris, Jonathan Archer/Malcolm Reed, James Kirk/Spock – I don’t particularly have an ‘otp’ in TNG, the couple I’ve written were Picard/Data, I’ve also dabbled reading Data/Gordi)

Marvel: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Kingsman: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin

Person of Interest: Harold Finch/John Reese

Due South: Benton Fraser/Ray K

Quantum Leap: Sam/Al

Firefly: Malcolm Reynolds/Simon Tam

Buffy/Angel Verse: Buffy/Giles, Angel/Spike, Xander/Spike, Willow/Tara

Harry Potter: Harry/Draco, Harry/Hermione, Harry/Hermione/Draco

The Sentinel: Jim/Blair

Torchwood: Jack/Ianto

Hawaii Five-O: Steve/Danno

Shadowhunters: Magnus/Alec

Sherlock: Sherlock/John, Mycroft/Lestrade

Primeval: Nick Cutter/Stephen Hart, James Lester/Hilary Becker Emmerdale: Robert Sugden/Aaron Dingle

NCIS: Gibbs/DiNozzo CSI: Nick Stokes/David Hodges, Mac/Danny, Horatio/Speed White Collar: Neal/Peter/Elizabeth

Empire Records: Joe/Lucas

Bull: Benny/Jason

Diagnosis Murder: Steve/Jesse

 I’ve left a few out where I don’t have particular OTPs

 7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Here we go again... lol!

 Stargate SG-1: Jack/Sam, I just... no. I’ve read a few where it’s a background or secondary pairing, but it always makes me wince a bit. I’ve read a few with Sam/Daniel as a secondary pairing that didn’t make me react that way and I’ve read Sam with other characters, but Jack/Sam just is a nope for me.

Stargate Atlantis: McKay/Keller – no, just no. that was horrible. She treated him like... awfully, trying to change him to suit her, just... no.

Marvel: Contentious, but Tony/Pepper, also Peter Parker/Tony Stark. Maybe because I saw the movies before I ever looked at the comics, but meh.

Due South: Benton Fraser/Ray V – again, contentious, but honestly I think Ray V was kind of a shit friend to Fraser.

Firefly: Anything with Jayne. No really, I just can not stand the character. I spent most of the series wanting to punch him in the face and sometimes you get characters you love to hate, but I just hated him.

Buffy/Angel Verse: Buffy/Spike, Willow/Kennedy

Harry Potter: Ron/Hermione, Ron/Harry, Harry/Ginny... basically, Ron and Ginny should just be loveless hermits who live by themselves. Ok, no, that isn’t fair... but as much as Ron was Harry’s first friend, he was selfish and bitter and Ginny/Harry just... never sat right with me. Ron literally says she spent ‘all summer talking about’ Harry, when she’d met him for all of three seconds. She didn’t know him. It always felt like she fell more in love with the *idea* of Harry Potter, than Harry Potter himself.

Sherlock: Sherlock/Molly, he’d eat her for breakfast. Serious, she’d never survive him.

Primeval: Oliver Leek and anyway. Arg. Creepy little dude is creepy and evil.

NCIS: Ziva/DiNozzo – ugh, just no.

 Again, I’ve left out ones where I don’t have particular NoTPs

 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Tumblr, god damned bitches posting gifs of pretty boys falling in love, roped me in!

 9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

I dabble in several fandoms at once... but if we go by ‘most recently picked up’ as ‘current’ we’re talking Ballum, which hey, it’s always fun to have an actual canon pairing be my OTP, that’s rare for me, lol.

 10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Well (so far) I haven’t written any Ballum. (I say so far, because I’m a realist, lol). I rarely read in fandoms and not end up writing in them at some point. Although I have probably dabbled in a few I’ve not written for, but if I read it with any sort of consistency, I mostly end up writing it. I am weak!

  Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

 11. Who is your current OTP?

Okay, so that list above, just basically go with that. While I do drop in and hour of fandoms and some I certainly read in more than others, I do tend to go back to fandoms... If we were talking about what I’m mostly focused on writing atm... Steve/Tony, Mycroft/Lestrade, Harry/Draco and Robron are ones I’m currently working on most.

 12. Who is your current OT3?

I’m not currently writing anything that’s OT3 with any real focus. I have a couple of Neal/Peter/Elizabeth WiPs that I will at some point finish, but they aren’t a big focus just now. I did recently read a fabulous Neal/Peter/Elizabeth fic that’s been on my tbr list for ages.

 13. Any NoTPs?

Just... see above, lol!

 14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Harry Hart/Merlin, those two are Bro’s until the end and I will fight you on this. Also, Eggsy/Roxy! OMG they are such a BroTP! And Tony/Pepper/Rhodey – I may no like Tony/Pepper as a pairing, but I love them as best friends and of course, our Rhodes, because again, I will fight you on this, they are awesome and Tony needs his best friends!

 15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

I’m not sure there is. I suppose I’ve read a few fics for some random pairings over the years, but nothing that’s made me really ship-ship them. I like Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes, after seeing it as a secondary pairing in a Steve/Tony fic, but I’ve seen that pop up a few times since, so maybe it won’t stay obscure for long!

 16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Jack/Sam, Tony/Pepper, Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, Buffy/Spike – they all seem to be het pairings, oops. But I am mostly a slash fic reader/writer, so I suppose that’s not too surprising.

 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Jack/Daniel from Stargate SG-1. I still love them. I still read them, although it has been a while since I’ve written them on their own (I have got some SG-1/SGA x-overs where they feature)

 18. What ship have you written the most about?

I’m genuinely not sure... without going and counting (and I’m not going any counting!) I’d guess Jack/Daniel, McKay/Sheppard, Jack/Ianto and Steve/Danno.

 19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

No, not that I can think off. I either like it or not. I do occasionally feel bad for not reading a fic if it’s an author I really like, but I don’t read that fandom or pairing, but nothing specific.

 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Robron and Ballum, lol. I do not do soaps!

  Author Questions

 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

 Stargate SG-1, Jack/Daniel, a story called The Dare, The Disaster, The Almost Happy Ending, And The Very Happy Ending – it was awful. Don’t go looking, lol!

 22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Don’t we all? No, I wouldn’t specifically say so. There are certainly fics, especially older ones, I wish I could have written better, but nothing I’d go, ugh I should never have done that.

 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Uh... honestly that’s really hard. I... um... yeah, I don’t know, really. I wrote a nice little flower one in POI that I felt worked rather beautifully. The Language of Flowers. An I wrote an SGA fic for NaNo a few years ago, called A Different Life, but it’s not online, because I didn’t finish it yet and I knew I wasn’t going to finish it any time soon, so I didn’t feel it was fair to leave it up unfinished (there is a reason I don’t read WiP fics and I don’t post them either, because I know how much I hate unfinished WiPs) Edit: After writing this I reminded myself of a POI fic I wrote called Hours of Separation – It’s a Harold/John break up story that I always intended to write a sequel too where I ‘fixed’ them, but I just couldn’t do it. I broke them a little too well. But I really love it actually.

 24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

The afore mentioned A Different Life needs to be edited and finished, lol! Also a Primeval fic with the working title Crypt Keeper (don’t ask) that I worked myself into a bit of a corner on and I figure out how to fix it, but I haven’t done it yet, so it’s still needs fixing and finishing, lol!

 25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

I haven’t the foggiest.

 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

Sometimes, really easily, a quote, a line from the fic, a song title... other times it’s like pulling teeth, hence working titles on things like ‘crypt keeper’ which is a reference to one scene near the very start and has no actual hint of the plot, lol!

 27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Oh the titles. Summaries you can just copy a few lines from the fic if you are desperate, if you had to post ‘untitled mcshep fic #67’ people would get cranky, lol, hell I’d get cranky!

 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Oh... I... huh. I mean who wouldn’t love fanart for their stories? Any of them honestly! But if I had to choose just one... I guess something in my Animal Instinct verse, which is Primeval (although I always intended to write other fandoms in the verse) where some people transform into animals, based on their ‘spirit animal’ and some art of the characters with their spirit animal form would be awesome.

 29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

Sometimes, look if you’ve read this far, you know I write in a lot of fandoms, lol. In some fandoms it’s easier than others to find beta readers. Also, sometimes if it’s just something short, I won’t bother. But I do try for my longer fics.

 30. What inspires you to write?

That old adage, if you want to read it, sometimes you just have to write it? Spite? Boredom? Honestly sometimes I just have ideas I have to get out of my brain and it’s write or go mad(der)

 31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

That it inspired them to write something.

 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Sometimes, sometimes I find it distracting when writing because I end up singing along and forgetting what I’m writing, lol! I do sometimes get inspiration from songs, I guess mostly from the lyrics, but no particular band or genre – although I listen to a lot of country music!

 33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

Little from column a, little from column b... littler still from column c...

 34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

Around 60k, I think.

 35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I have. Primeval had/has a week drabble challenge, mostly when I’ve written drabbles it’s been for a challenge, with a specific prompt.

 36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Uh... I mean, my fandoms really span the genres, but I guess sci-fi or crime are probably my favourites.

 37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

Third mostly, I have occasionally written in first person, if it felt like the fic needed it.

 38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

Little from column a, little from column b... it depends on the fandom and the story. Sometimes you just need more characters, mostly they are minor roles, I don’t tend to write much established character/oc fic

 39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Ability to convince myself people will want to read it, lol! No actually to be honest, I love to know people read and like my stuff, but I gave up a long time ago on trying to ‘please’ people with what I write. I write what I want to read.

 40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Focus. The problem with 21 years of fandom history, is well... 21 years of fandom history. A lot of fandoms, a lot of pairings and as I say, I never really ‘leave’ a fandom, I just drop in and out and sometimes that means I’ll write on something consistently for weeks or months and then end up getting distracted by another fandom again and not touch it for weeks or months again. Hence, I don’t post WiP fics, because I know I’m easily distracted and don’t want anyone to suffer my lack of focus but me.

  Fanfiction Questions

 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I don’t read WiP fics, so yeah... but 5 I’ve recently read in different fandoms that I’ve really enjoyed

 Turns Out, I Have a Rose Garden by betheflame (Steve Rogers/Tony Stark)

Lucky by china_shop (Neal Caffery/Peter Burke/Elizabeth Burke)

Colors by Quesarasara (Sherlock/John)

Betrayal by Blackghost7 (Gibbs/DiNozzo)

Matchmaker (Part 1 of the Marmalade Series) by HastaLux, Mottlemoth (Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade)

 42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

See now this is hard, because... ahh so many...

 FredBassett – Primeval author, her Stephen/Ryan series is epic and brilliant and endless

https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredbassett/pseuds/fredbassett

 Keira Marcos – I know other people will have said her, I don’t care. I love all her stuff, across all the fandoms she writes in

http://keiramarcos.com/

 theapplepielifestyle – her Steve/Tony is amazing. Hands down some of the best I’ve ever read. I will fight you on this.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/theappleppielifestyle/pseuds/theappleppielifestyle

 JillyJames – her Tony DiNozzo is a real life grown up... exactly as he should be considered given he’s a goddamn federal agent!

https://jillyjames.com/

 missbecky – I’ve read pretty much all her Steve/Tony and Harry/Eggsy and it’s awesome.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbecky

 Honestly, I could have listed so many more, but, I’m being good!

 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Everyone. The thing is, fandom at it’s best is like crack, the more you get, the more you want. The writing, the gifs, the art... it feeds you and makes you want to make more of it, because more of it needs to exist and if that means you need to do it yourself, so be it!

 44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

ALL OF THEM!

 45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Oh hell no, not even, I can not. It took me an hour to narrow down 5 authors, I can not narrow down one fanfic!

 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I mean, it depends on what they like... probably the Hour of Separation I mentioned above, if they like the fandom/pairing, or my Animal Instinct stuff.

 47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

Archive of our Own. I haven’t touched ff.net in *years* since they started getting super restrictive about what you could post. I do occasionally post stuff to tumblr, but mostly I now post to AO3. I did have my own site and I’ve yet to upload a lot of stuff to AO3 – one of these... months... that will be a project – but it’s amazing. Seriously, having been in fandom 20+ years, going from having to search all over a million different places and now it’s all in one place, where we’re honestly, spoiled and protected. The kids now have no idea how crazy impossible that once seemed.

 48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

Yes, but not as often as I should. I love AO3s kudos button, so I can sort of say ‘hey I enjoyed this’ without having to comment, because I sort of hate leaving comments just going ‘hey I enjoyed this’ because I always feel like I should say more, like, oh I enjoyed this specific thing, which yes is an unnecessary hang-up, but there ya go.

 49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

Of course it’s nice to get comments, kudos, reblogs etc. I’m not as attached to them now as I was when I was younger, because I learned along the way that it was more important that I like what I’m writing than that other people do, but it’s still nice to know that something I’ve created is enjoyed.

 50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I went looking for Star Trek Voyager stuff online, pics etc, waaaaaaay back when! And I came across fanfiction entirely by accident... and I read some – het stuff mostly, then I started watching Stargate SG-1, went looking for fanfiction for that, but was not on board with Jack/Sam, found Jack/Daniel went ‘huh really? That’s weird’ read it... and yeah... 21 years later... lol!

 51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Ship Wars. No seriously, just don’t. Like, who the actual fuck cares. I like my ship, you like your ship. I don’t care if it’s canon or not. I don’t care if it’s popular or not. I don’t read my NoTPs, but I’d never dream of telling someone else not too. Yes I think they are terrible, bad, no good pairings, but that’s *my* opinion. Don’t try to change my mind and I won’t try to change yours. I avoid them like the actual plague. If someone starts that shit around me, I will shut it right down. You are a dick. Go to Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.

[mattie-bo-baddie]

Weekend with the weirdos

**Alrighty y'all, I'm about to talk about some grown-folk sex stuff in here, just so y'all know.**

Right now, it's Saturday night, and I am sitting at a picnic bench at a queer clothing-optional campground in the middle of nowhere (so middle of nowhere that I won't be able to post this until Sunday when I'm back to civilization and wi-fi) taking part of a kink/Leather camp event. We finally had the chance to get away for the weekend and god, did we fucking need it.

This is the first time I've been out-of-town to be around other queer kinky folk since my husband died, and our first time camping in at least two years. Needless to say, I've been going through a lot of emotions since we've been down here.

Don't get me wrong, I've had a shit-ton of fun since we've been here, holy hell! I got to play in a mud pit earlier today, we went swimming, I drove crazy backwood country roads with no one else in the car yelling at me to stop driving like a madman, and I plan on getting sufficiently sloshed around a campfire tonight.

But lord, it's been hard too. This is an event that me and my husband used to come to every year, so there are a lot of memories here. My friends here are great people, but they're not people we see all the time, so they don't deal with the giant ball of grief constantly hanging over them. It's almost like seeing us reminds them that he's gone.

That's why right now I'm sitting at this picnic bench by myself, typing away, instead of watching the mummification demo going on in the gazebo down the road. Sometimes I just can't be around other people, their energy is just too much for me . I know people that don't know me terribly well worry because I tend to seclude myself when it gets to be too much, and I’ve been doing it a lot lately.

I'm learning to not worry about it though. I know myself well enough to know that I absolutely need the time to myself, otherwise the bullshit in my head gets to be too much. I get cranky, then start biting people’s heads off for stupid shit. I already feel bad enough for everything else, I don’t want to add being a bitch on top of it.

But it’s a strange thing, when you are the survivor of something like this. You feel like there’s this big spotlight on you all the time. “Hey there’s the widow whose husband killed himself!” I know people talk about me when I’m not around, and I feel like there will always be this weird guilty feeling hanging over me that people see how I'm living my life, the choices I make, what I do, how I react, and think I'm not doing it right. That I'm not grieving properly.

Guilt is one of those things you can’t be prepared for.

You feel guilty for having fun when he's not here to be a part of it.

You feel guilty for making plans for a future where he's not there.

You feel guilty for the terrible thoughts that pop into your head unexpectedly.

You feel guilty relearning how to be your own person again.

You feel guilty for the days that you want to live in your bed and never come out.

I'm trying to get past that and just live.

***

Update - I went to the end of the demo, I was wrong, it wasn't a mummification demo, it was a saran wrap spiderweb suspension! The demo bottom was a young long-haired cutie, had a whole queer Jesus vibe going, it was beautiful! Just came back from a sounding demo. Ooo, that was an eyeful. And might be beating on someone later... fingers crossed that works out. Mama's got some aggression she wants to work on, and I haven't had the time to flog anyone in forever!

***

Last update!!

Home now, tired as fuck, thinking over everything before bed. The drive home was great, got plenty of time to just think. I have the next chapter of my selkilock fic plotted out completely, and I maybe have a Good Omens PWP idea that I’ve started working on….. (let’s just say, Sheen’s video the other day of him saying he’d gone “full feral” gave me some ideas). I did get to have a scene on Saturday night, so that was a very welcome relief. Like I said, some things just need to get out! (but I’m old and out of practice, because Jesus! I’m freaking sore from that little work-out!!)

And since I couldn't really take any pics of the "activities" you get pics of the silly stuff I could get...

[wordsbybrielle]

Taylor, It’s Good To Have You Back

It’s been a rough couple of years for Taylor Swift fans. After her initial foray into pop music with Red, came the full, head-first dive into it with 1989, and even further into the depths with Reputation, my least favorite album of hers so far. Gone were the heart-wrenching lyrics and perfect vignettes that I loved. When ME! came out, I was worried. Petrified even. I guess the old Taylor really was dead. How else could you explain that the woman who wrote All Too Well and I Almost Do even considered publishing the lyric, “SPELLING IS FUN”? My hopes weren’t high for this record.  

And then. 

Within the first thirty seconds of this album, I knew. The bitch was back. 

I Forgot That You Existed is quintessential Taylor. Tongue and cheek, just a little coy, but what it makes for me is that she so easily does what she does best: put into words what can be so hard to say. This song encapsulates that sigh of relief when you realize you’re over it; whether the “it” is a situation, a person, a job, anything. Not only are you over it, but it’s so far away now that you’ve forgotten, remembered and can laugh about it. Listening to this song felt like settling in with an old friend. 

The production on Cruel Summer is everything that I wanted to love on the Reputation album that fell short. Highly-charged and electrifying, this song projects all the feelings that come with a summer fling - meaningful and meaningless all at once. 

I’m a sucker for a 3/4 time signature, and even more with a song that’s as sweet as Lover. My favorite part of this song is the call back to one of my favorite TS songs, Style, with the lyric, “take me out, and take me home.” It also nods to Swift’s maturity. She can still write a love song, but this one might be even more poignant because it is so based in reality. It also begs the question, did Taylor Swift get married? 

The Man is a song we’ve heard before, from Carly Jepsen and Beyonce to name a few. While the message isn’t novel, it does make me power walk down the streets of New York City, so I can’t complain. I’m also really happy whenever Taylor curses, so overall this song makes me happy, even if it is first level white feminism.

The Archer didn’t help quiet any of my fears prior to the album being dropped. This is the first time in several moments throughout this album that Taylor pumps the breaks, almost jarringly. The comedown from The Man isn’t great, and I feel like it could’ve been one of the later tracks if not removed completely. 

If The Man makes me feel like That Bitch strutting down the street, I Think He Knows makes me want to skip down Park Avenue and every avenue. Taylor Swift has such a penchant for detail and the line, “his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine,” will get me every time. If anyone were to ask me to pick a song that perfectly describes the beginning of a relationship when you both realize those feelings are reciprocated I would show them this song. It is in a word, giddy. 

I bring you back friends, to 2008. The world was on the brink of a global recession but more importantly, You Belong With Me was brought into the world. For me, Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince is a day in life of the antagonist in YBWM. The cheerleader eleven years later is still screaming. GO! FIGHT! WIN!

Paper Rings is so jubilant I can’t stand it, in the best way. It’s so incredibly happy I can't help but be so proud of this woman, who has been put through the ringer with relationships in front of the world, who is obviously so secure in this relationship. Joe Alwyn, you did good.

Cornelia Street is a preemptive fearful reverie. There is a line in New Year’s Day where Swift sings, “Please, don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.” This is that sentiment on steroids. This is creating a memory with a lover and knowing in the middle of it that you will think back to this moment, should they ever leave. It speaks to how much Swift cares about this relationship; there is an undercurrent of anxiety here, only mostly obscured by the picture Taylor paints. 

Death By A Thousand Cuts is a sad song made light. It shows off one of Taylor’s strongest abilities, writing a bridge. Not so much lyrically, but the execution of the “my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch,” is perfect. The cherry on top  that it was inspired by Something Great on Netflix.

London Boy is cute and silly. Still don't really want to go to London, sorry Taylor.

I could only listen to Soon You’ll Get Better once, the entire time feeling incredibly grateful that my mother is in good health. I thought of my best friend, who has gone through this experience and still is, and I want to hug her a little tighter. The Dixie Chicks being featured on this song reminds us of Taylor’s roots, and how comfortable she still is in the country music world. 

False God. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE HAVE A SEX SONG! A sex song with religious imagery!!!!  A saxophone to open the song?? “The altar is my hips” is a lyric??? If anyone needs me I’ll be taking a cold shower. Dress could never. 

You Need To Calm Down (to me, from me). This didn’t initially grab me when she released it as a single, but in the context of the album has grown on me. It puts the listener back on track after the rollercoaster ride from Soon You’ll Get Better and False God, back towards the light. It makes sense that on an album that is all about love, she needed to acknowledge queer love as well. 

Afterglow is one of the few songs on this album that the chorus has stuck with me. It’s also one of the few times that I can remember Taylor Swift explicitly apologizing. Again, a reminder how much she has grown with this relationship and in the past few years. You hear the desperation, and how much she worries that she has overthought and now the damage she has caused is irreparable. One of the most underrated songs that I hope gets more recognition. 

ME! is The-Song-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Myself to that song is Donald Trump to global warming; I am going to pretend that it is not there and it is not very bad when it so obviously is. 

It’s Nice To Have A Friend would be forgettable, if it not were for the random island sounds and the eerie vocalizations in the background. I could have done without it, but I like the horns from verse 1 to 2. 

Daylight is a lovely ending to this marathon of an album. The overall mood of it is so opulent, both reflective and looking forward. 

Lover may be Taylor’s best album to date, because it is a culmination of everything she has learned and done in her career. There are poignant lyrics, a balancing act of classic and synth pop, and country, and  and it is a clear product of hard lessons learned. It’s a reminder that love should be easy and light. The new Taylor is unburdened, and we’re all better for it.