#i am forcing myself to stop typing now because if i don't i'll be at it all night

[longhardtransitionreturns]

Author's note: This is birth and medical fiction. It's all fake, just a fantasy. Of course I don't want this to happen to me or anyone in real life.

I'd like to have a high risk twin pregnancy. The type where I have to fight my obstetrician to let me try to give birth vaginally and then they try to insist I have an epidural so they can cut into me without delay if something goes wrong. I'll finally get them to agree to let me try it natural if I am invasively monitored throughout and I understand I'm going under general anesthesia the second things go south.

When the day comes for me to be induced, I change into a hospital gown & follow nurses instructions as they put IV ports in both of my wrists. I'm catheterized -- a situation that isn't made any more pleasant by the twinges already squeezing my middle -- and by the time I'm being strapped into the stirrups for the doctor to swipe my membranes, I'm so trussed up I can barely move.

It's my first pregnancy & I didn't expect it to hurt so much just to be pregnant. My hips have been sore practically the whole nine months, in part because of how heavy and low I am carrying the twins. Baby A practically lodged himself between my hips last week and the pressure has been slowly increasing. My breasts are cumbersome and it's painful to even feel the hospital gown brush against my areolas. By the time the doctor is settling between my legs to start my labor, I'm eager to face whatever delivery holds for me to make this pregnancy end.

I'm singing a whole different tune 16 hours later. Or rather, screaming one at the top of my lungs. I am in the throes of transition and suffering the pinnacle of a truly agonizing labor. Baby A is posterior and the pain in my back has me at the edge of my sanity, especially now that the contractions are lasting for 90 seconds, with barely a minute in between.

I'm incoherent at this point. I'm in so much pain I'm only able to think about surviving the second I am living. I'm minimally aware when the nurses move my aching body back into the stirrups so I can push my son into the world. I bear down at their direction and it feels like my ass is gonna bust when his head plunges down.

What actually happens is his precious posterior facial features lodge against my clit as a desperate push shoves him just past crowning and my poor little nub starts to sting. It feels like it's being ripped off and I'm humiliated to find I'm begging my doctor to save my clitoris while I'm straining a massive baby out of me.

I don't know how long I howl a about the pain in my clitoris but the next thing I know the doctor is roughly pulling the shoulders and then the body out of my hole, tearing me more in the process.

I'm aware that my aching canal is empty for the moment. I don't realize I am gaped so badly my asshole is almost inverted. It stings something fierce as birth fluids continue to pour out of my loose, sopping cunt. I start to cry when I realize I am still going to have to push Baby B through my ruined pussy.

I drift in and out of consciousness, occasionally aware of the sharp stab of a contraction. I wake fully to a nurse tapping my cheek to see if I've passed out. When I force my eyes open, she informs me Baby B isn't face down anymore and the doctor is about to perform an internal version. She tells me to brace myself because it will be uncomfortable.

I didn't fully realize the medical actuality of an internal version was for a grown man to stick his entire grown man hand through my cervix and into my uterus. I'm in such utter agony I barely register that the nurses are holding me down by my arms and where my thighs are not strapped to the stirrups. I am experiencing the most pain I have experienced up to this point in my life and it seems to last forever.

I never stop screaming, even when they put a mask pumping gas over my face to try to give me some relief, but the tenor of my yell changes when something shifts and then I feel something rip deep inside of me.

Suddenly all the pain that has come before pales in comparison to what I am suddenly feeling in my abdomen. It is indescribable burning combined with a sudden sense of dread that takes over my body. I am 100% certain that my reproductive organs just gave way with my daughter trapped inside me and I am going to die if something isn't done very, very soon.

It must only be minutes, maybe not even that long, that I lay there while the medical team catches up to the realization that me and my baby are in mortal danger. Time slows down and I feel the rip in my uterus expanding as the contractions, one on top of another now, injure me more by the second. Despite no medical knowledge, I know instinctively that the renewed flood out of my pussy is blood and I am hemorrhaging, possibly to death.

I am utterly helpless now. Strapped down in stirrups, paralyzed by pain, my strength seeping from me as fast as the blood flowing between my legs. I faintly register the monitors start to alarm as I lose the battle with consciousness and my world goes dark.

*******

I wake up groggy and disoriented on a stretcher being wheeled somewhere. I immediately start to panic because there is a tube down my throat and I am really, brutally aware of a long, deep vertical incision that extends from above my belly button down to my public bone. I swear I can feel the layers upon layers they sliced through to deliver my baby. I won't know until later about the battle the surgeons waged, first to save my life and then to save my fertility.

Right now I am only aware of how much it hurts to be jostled on a stretcher with a massive cut down my middle. When the two male nurses move me into the bed, I plead for unconsciousness as my body is roughly transferred to a bed. My tailbone hits the mattress and reverberates in the form of a sharp pain through my pussy. I've still got a catheter and I feel like every inch down there has been stitched up.

I hope one of these nurses will realize I am aware and therefore in indescribable pain but it seems like the paralytic they gave me before intubating me is the only drug of the cocktail still in effect. I suffer as they lift my hips and put a pillow under my butt. Then they start taking off my hospital gown completely.

My confusion quickly turns to fear as one gloved hand on each side grabs one of my fat titties and starts tugging. Breast pumps are whipped out and the men make quick work of shoving as much of my massive milkers in to each before turning them on simultaneously.

My uterus, even after the brutal surgical repair, still tries to respond to my milk suddenly dropping. The pain of contracting after uterine repair and a cesarean combined with the sudden gush of warm pressure on my aching tits brings tears to my eyes. I must be a strange sight: intubated and naked, massive breasts attached to pumps, with my deflated belly sporting a huge incision hanging above a pussy so bruised and stitched it looks entirely purple.

The elder nurse pats my naked thigh just before he makes to leave. It jostles everything and our eyes meet as I wince at the pain it causes me. A chill runs through my body as I realize he knows I am awake and feeling way more than I should be.

He looks at me the entire time he lubes his gloved fist, a sinister smile on his face. He settles between my legs and pauses to look up at me again.

"I bet you wish you'd had that epidural, huh, dear?"

My vision goes white as I feel his whole fist plunge into my pussy with a force absolutely intended to cause me a fatal amount of pain. My vision goes white and I feel pressure building in my chest as the stitches holding my cervix together start ripping. The last thought I have before I go into cardiac arrest is how I don't want to my last memory to be of being brutally fisted in my obliterated, post-birth pussy while my heart explodes in my chest.

[impishjesters]

Touch-starved Moon

CW// non-sexual touching, teasing, no actual sexual content notes: Sun and Moon are separate animatronics, not mentioned but implied that the reader is already dating the boys A/N: I don't know what to call this, a preview? Snippet? Drabble? Either way, late last night I got on the topic of touch-starved Moon with my friend, which led to me typing up bits at a time to send them. They were my magical muse because I've been having writer's block, so I just find it funny that I wrote up a bunch via Discord messages versus my usual setup...and on my phone of all things. Maybe I'll do this more to try and get out of my writer's block, definitely seems to be doing a better job than forcing myself to write shit up. But yeah, since this was written up on my phone I've gone through and fixed all my 2 am sleepy typos and grammar mistakes, obviously this isn't finished. Again why I said I don't really know how to label it. Maybe with enough interest, I could pick it up and flesh it out a bit more. But it wasn't intended to be this long, just like the first bit then a jump to the reader touching and over-stimming Moon and junk 💀

“Hm, Moonie?” Your hand drifted down his chest plate before giving the elastic of his pants a quick snap.

Moon hummed, gaze still locked on your face. “Yes, star?”

“What did I just say?”

“What?”

“Oh my, Moonpie were you distracted?”

“I was listening.” he hissed. Moon’s chest plate rumbled with annoyance but grew warm under your touch.

“Mhm, and what was I saying?”

Moon froze and sent your hand a glance, watching as your fingers walked their way down his stomach. “D-daycare..”

“Daycare? Mm, that’s a pretty broad topic.”

“Cleaning..” he cleared his throat. “Cleaning the daycare..”

“Moonie… It’s morning, the daycare is already clean.”

Shit.

“Seems like someone hasn’t fully booted up. I’ll overlook it this time, try not to get distracted with the kiddos, okay?”

Moon forced himself not to chase your hand as it left him, forcing out a grunt in agreement.

“Well,” you stretched and turned to look out into the daycare. “I’m gonna go find Sunny and ask him for his thoughts on what I said.”

He flinched. Did you ask him for his thoughts on something? For the daycare? Moon held back a whimper as you left, crimson eyes trailing the hand you used to touch him, now being used to wave Sun down. The same hand used to touch him now rested against Sun, and it made his chest ache and stomach churn.

Why did you stop touching him?

The rest of the morning was spent with the feeling of eyes on you. Every curious glance resulted in catching Moon’s gaze on you instead of the children he was supposed to be tending to. And without fail, every time he was caught he’d look away and find a way to excuse himself to a different place in the daycare.

By nap time the staring didn’t let up, even Sun had commented, questioning why Moon was so out of it and staring at you.

Moon silently stewed in his emotions, irritated at every touch between you and Sun. You’d yet to touch him again, in fact, you’d gone out of your way to avoid touching him.

During lunchtime, you’d made sure to avoid his touch while handing out the lunch trays, only to touch Sun’s by “accident”.

What made Sun so special? Was it because he’d spaced out earlier? Were you upset? Oh, what he wouldn’t give to be in Sun’s place right now.

Should he apologize? If he was going to he needed to think fast, you’d turn away from Sun and were headed straight for…him?

“Hey Moonpie.” You whispered, careful of the sleeping children, and sat beside him on the floor keeping a decent distance between the two of you. “Feeling better?”

Moon’s voice box rumbled. “Peachy.” Despite the darkness, he could see the gap between the two of you clear as day. Normally you’d sit on his lap with him during nap time while Sun took to doing a mid-day clean up.

“Is that so? I’m glad.”

The glow-in-the-dark stars of the nap room alongside Moon’s dimly lit eyes gave you just enough lighting to see the gap between you two. His leg twitched and you took to distracting yourself to look at a nearby napping child—time to see how the event from this morning would unfold.

The two of you sat in silence aside from the music box playing away in Moon’s chest. Careful to keep your eyes elsewhere, you’d occasionally catch the gap between the two of you growing smaller and smaller.

“What do you think of a sleepover tonight?”

Moon flinched, pausing mid-movement to process the question. “Sleepover? Tonight?”

“Mhm, I talked it out with Sun. Use the theater room and get pillows and blankets to cuddle up together.”

Harsh red lights lit up your face, nearly blinding you and risking waking the children. You slapped a hand over his eyes and they instantly dimmed. Well, that’s new.

You’d c-cuddle them? Of course, you’d done that before but that was…well before his current predicament. No, wait focus.

Your hand lingers on his eyes despite the light dimming, watching those tiny pinprick pupils stare at your hand. Oh right, it probably doesn’t feel great having someone’s hand on your eyes.

Before your hand can fully pull away and lose all contact Moon grabs it, shifting it to his cheek instead. It’s at that moment you feel his leg touch yours…he closed the gap you’d intentionally placed between the two of you.

Such a touchy little Moonpie.

[wosoluver]

To undo a mistake

Part 4/17 - previous - next

Lena x Bayern player!reader, Ana Guzmán x Bayern player!reader

Lena Oberdorf Masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

That therapy session was... something. To say the least. Your eyes puffy once again.

We didn't talk much. I practically just dumped all my problems to her. But it felt good to get everything out, to someone who wouldn't judge you but also wasn't allowed to give too much of her opinion.

When you walked out, Ana wasn't there yet. So you just decided to sit and wait.

It took her around 10 minutes to show up.

"Hey. Have I made you wait for too long?"

"No, not at all. So do you want to go get some coffee? I'm out of practice today and you probably don't have many friends here yet."

"Your the one that looks like you could use a friend. Let's go. You drive, I don't have my license yet."

"First of all, ouch. Second of all, let's go. You'll be my passenger princess." - You said it excited.

Lena never really let you drive, you were always the passenger princess.

And you quickly tried to wisk the memory away.

You were both in comfortable silence in the car. Only the sound of Ana's music playing in the back. And yes you were forced to give her the rights to dj. Passenger princess' rule number 1.

You stop at your favorite place. It was never too crowded, which you were thankful for.

"I'll go order, what do you want?"

"Whatever your having, is fine."

After ordering and getting your coffees you go sit on a quiet corner.

"So, how are you adapting to Germany?"

"Oof- it's so fucking cold here. Not even in the coldest winters we get this temperature in Colombia."

"You'll get used to it after some time. A few jackets and coats and you're good."

"And you? Had a nice time in therapy?"

"Oh yeah. So much fun!" - you answered equally as ironic.

"I can tell by your puffy eyes.

I think today was my first time not crying in there."

"Must be hard. I've never had a bad injury. But it seems like the worse. Lena went through-" - you cut yourself off before you could say anything else. Your face dropped. Here you were again. Everything you think of, brought up Lena, one way or another.

"And Lena is-"

"My ex. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking when I said that."

"It's fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." - but then you proceeded to dump everything that had happened into the conversation. - "It's just, my head is still trying to wrap around everything. She already has a new girlfriend. And I'm still dealing with my feelings.

She broke up with me, over the phone can you believe that? I never felt so meaningless, so betrayed. Our five month relationship thrown into the trash. All of that, because Munich is too far from Wolfsburg for her taste."

"Wow, you had a lot to say for someone that didn't want to talk about it." - she said that hoping it would easy the anxious face you had going on. - "It's okay. Time works differently for different people. You have the right to mourn your relationship.

Is that what has been driving you down?"

"Yeah, I just wasn't ready to see her. I'm still in love with her. I mean was. After what happened Saturday, I think it might be time to except it's over."

"You still had feelings for her? Even after what she did?"

"Yeah. I guess I was just hopeful. I felt like in some way things weren't over yet. I just- It just didn't make sense. Lena is not that type of person. She would never do that."

"But she did. Look, if she meant to hurt you or not, you'll probably never know. Unless you talk to her."

"I am not going to talk to her."

"Then you'll have to settle for the unknown."

"I think I will. Can we talk about your feelings now? I've humiliated my self enough."

"Fine. You were right when you said I needed friends." - she let out a deep breath. - "When I first got injured. I was very hard on myself. Specially after hearing the diagnosis and that I'd have to go under surgery. I stressed my self over when I shouldn't have.

I pushed everyone away.

The hardest thing, when we are hurting, is to remember others are most likely going through something too."

"But that's kind of natural I guess. To be so into your own head you forget about others. It's just- there is such a thin line between being compassionate towards people and putting their needs and feelings before yours. To be honest I've never been good at navigating though it either."

"Yeah, I've been getting better about it I think. Therapy has helped me understand a lot of things. The most important of them, I think it was acceptance.

I feel so much better since I accepted that I have no control over this type of things. I couldn't change it even if I wanted to. I just have to go through it. And soon enough I'll be back playing once again."

"It's good to know your coming out better from this one. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and sometimes it's for the better"

"It's getting late, we should get going."

"Yeah. I'll give you a ride home."

For the rest of the day all you could think about was what you two had talked about.

Maybe you could use some acceptance yourself. Of how things were, and not what you think they should be.

And stop worrying so much about what you had no control over.

That's how it works when you live right? Life happens.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Have you guys been wondering what's been like for Lena? Well next chapter is Lena's pov!

It's still an Obi fic I swear.

I think from this chapter on, it's finally going to be good writing. I wasn't liking how things the previous parts came out.

[thelunarsystemwrites]

Lunar's mental health. An update.

TW: bad mental health, EDs, depression, s/h, personal stuff, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, vent, self hate, heavy topics.

Sorry I haven't been posting!!

An update on me.

...Hi, you might know me as Lunar, or, TheLunarSystemWrites! I'm just an artist on here, trying to do things I like.... right?

Well, unfortunately, real life doesn't really... care. It doesn't care if I have friends to talk to, art to make, things I like to do.

I've been exhausted, physically and mentally. I've been busy working a lot in our home. (Painting, building, packing, inside work, cooking, etc) and it's always stressful... we're starting to get a little tight on money.

I've spent majority of my time in my bed. I don't wanna face my family members, so I've hidden away. It's hard to get up every day, and try to find the will to take care of myself.

I also recently relapsed with Bulimia, a disorder that, essentially means I throw up whatever I eat. I've been purging since September 16th, 2022. But I had awhile where I only purged once a day or none, but I'm back at it with full force. So my body doesn't have any energy left. I've also now lost my periods do to it.

I don't sleep well. It's much easier to stay up all night than waste my only free time sleeping. So I have no energy from sleeping well unless I sleep a whole day away, which makes me groggy.

Self harm is also something bothering me too, I'm too tired to do it and yet I keep doing it. Wasting precious spoons on it, I literally can't be clean for a whole year this year, that dream is dead. But, I am a few days clean as I type!

Suicidal and intrusive thoughts have been.... pesky. But I can't just leave my friends, plus I have prizes to make.

But, I'm unmotivated. I can't seem to write or draw anything. All my art is looking... regressed, to me. Everything is repetitive.

I've hated myself now more than ever in my life, I'm in a pretty bad place and I hate how self aware I am.

SPEAKING of regression! I have like, regression block. My brain isn't working with me, isn't regressing unless Involuntary. So my main coping mechanism is.... out of order.

I've been angry at the world, really pissy and moody. Tired, hungry, sad, then happy but not much. Numbness is a huge factor, I'm feeling depressed.

Not to mention, there's drama everywhere I look. This creator gets bullied, that one turns out to be disgusting. People get doxxed over opinions... it's constantly anxiety that I'll be wrongly accused, ridiculed, or abandoned. It's terrifying that people will go at each other's throats. It's exhausting to deal with it and be dragged into drama with problematic people.

Every day has been the same for me for the past 3 years. I'm tired, bored, understimulation controls me.

My friends are my lifeline right now.

I feel uncomfortable in my own body all the time, unsatisfied with my art, everything is essentially falling apart in my life.

Depression, anxiety... not a good mix to wake up disoriented and anxious, then gave zero spoons throughout the day. I'm not in a good home situation right now.

So... I kinda just... haven't been posting, role-playing, answering DMs, answering asks, etc...

I'm burnt out.

I feel like I'm a walking corpse.

Useless even.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I barely have the energy to talk to friends, every little bad things sets me back. I just can't bring myself to really engage much anymore.

So... sorry. I'm sorry, if I wasted your time. Or if this isn't like what you wanted to hear. I'm just not okay anymore, April was the last good month I had this year. APRIL.

I just wanted to update you all, there's a lot of other stuff I didn't share because it's nit important. I swear I'll get to the prizes eventually, I just ain't up to it right now. Might not be for awhile, apologies in advance!!

Hope you guys can understand, I might or might not be back to doing art, who knows. But I'll definitely get things done before that if I ever stopped. It just doesn't bring me joy, I used to hope I'd make an AU people cares about, and I've barely achieved that ^^"

Hope you're all well!! Stay safe, take care!! Remember to hydrate and to try eating if you can, you're spectacular!!!

Daily clicks!! ^^

Previous pinned post.

[angelsanarchy]

One Long Weekend: - Clyde/YN One-Shot Series CH 11

"I never said that!" "Yeah well I don't get off on repeat rejection so I'll just go."

Tagging: @roryculkinluvr @siriuslymooned @cc-luvr @crypticsewerslut @icarus-star @desert-springtime @shady-the-simp @izuoyarmin

SUNDAY, 12:30AM

The games continued and Y/n continued to drown her sorrows in whatever Lola and Beau were pouring in her solo cup. Clyde kept his eyes on her trying to get her to come back and sit with him but she wouldn't budge. Snow picked up on the vibe and kept trying to make cute comments but the only response she seemed to get was a huff or forced smile.

"Ohhh! Never have I ever made it to third base in the closet." Y/n happened to glance up and watched Clyde put his finger down. Something in her gut caught fire and she let out a loud HA! that startled everyone.

"So you will hook up in the closet, just not with me." Y/n shook her head and Clyde blushed.

"Y/n..." Snow reached out but Y/n was already fighting angry tears. She hated being someone who cried when they got angry. They made her feel weak.

"Wait, you too haven't hooked up yet? How is that possible?" Beau slurred.

"Beats me. I guess I'm just not your friends type or he just finds me absolutely hideous." Y/n started getting up but got the spins.

"Can you just wait?" Clyde reached out but she pulled away.

"I got the message Clyde. Loud and clear. You guys have been great but I think it's time I head out." The group groaned and kept trying to get her to stay but she ran out of the apartment, heading back to Clyde's. Luckily he left the door unlocked so she could gather her few things. She heard the door open and shut not too long after she had pushed it shut.

"Hey! Please stop okay?" Clyde put his hands up trying to stay out of Y/n's way as she aggressively tossed her things into her bag.

"You could have told me you didn't like me Clyde. We could have been great friends but you let me throw myself out you like an idiot and now I've humiliated myself in front of your friends." Y/n shouted, watching Clyde reach for his aid like he was adjusting it or turning the volume down. She made a note to lower her voice.

"Please just stop and talk to me okay? I know you're upset and that its my fault but you can't just take off. You've had too much to drink-" Clyde tried to calm the situation but Y/n shook her head.

"I'm not wasted Clyde. I can Uber to a hotel and you can enjoy the rest of your weekend." Y/n put the strap of her bag on her shoulder but Clyde moved in front of the door.

"So you think because I'm not taking advantage of you that I'm not interested in you?" Clyde asked wanting more clarification.

"Honestly I don't know what you want. I have made multiple advances on you and you've turned me down every time." Clyde frowned.

"I mean...you saw me naked for Christ sake..." Y/n looked down at her feet and Clyde stepped towards her.

"Y/n..." Clyde reached out to take her hand.

"You've clearly brought others back and thought they were hot enough to fuck in a closet so..." Y/n wanted to take comfort in Clyde squeezing her hand but she didn't.

"I never said that." Clyde defended.

"Yeah well I don't get off on repeat rejection so I'll just go." Y/n pulled her hand from Clyde's to walk past him but the moment she had her back to him, he spun her around, slamming her back against the door but putting his hand up quickly so her head would hit his hand and not the door.

Now Y/n was surprised. This was the most aggressive Clyde had been since they started hanging out.

"You think I just bring girls back like this? Like you're just some random groupie I happened to pick up at one of the shows to bring back and fuck?" Clyde's tone was strong. He wanted Y/n to understand him.

"I don't know Clyde. I don't know anything about you. We've slept in the same bed, spent the entire day together, I let you know where I live, I let you see me naked! I'm acting like some crazy obsessed fangirl and that's not who I am!" Clyde watched Y/n getting upset and felt awful.

"I like you. I like spending time with you and making you laugh. I've barely spent two days with you and it's been some of the most fun I've had in a long time and I'm ruining everything." Y/n covered her face in embarrassment and Clyde pulled at her hands.

"You aren't ruining anything. Please don't cry." Clyde pleaded.

"No I am ruining everything. I get drunk and become this jealous, blubbering idiot as if I have some sort of stake on you and you haven't even tried to kiss-" Clyde cut her off, lips on hers, free hand resting gently on her throat. Y/n wasn't expecting it in the slightest so when his tongue dipped between her lips, she moaned. He tasted like rum and cigarettes and kissed like he was trying to pull oxygen directly from your lungs. When Clyde pulled away, he briefly rested his forehead against hers, opening his eyes to see hers were still closed.

"I don't bring girls like you home. You aren't some groupie hanging around the band, settling to fuck around with the guy who drives them around. You're you and that is...so much more." Clyde swallowed the lump in his throat and Y/n opened her eyes.

"Clyde..." Y/n wanted to respond but suddenly pushed Clyde away from her, throwing up mere inches from his shoes. That was not what Clyde was expecting either but he immediately started to help her.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." Y/n kept repeating mortified. Clyde helped her to the bathroom where she collapsed in front of the toilet, continuing to wretch. Clyde pulled her hair back and used one of his wrist ties to keep her hair from falling into the puke. He held a washcloth under the faucet and held it to the back of her neck while he rubbed her back.

"Y/n? Clyde?" Snow called out.

"Is that vomit?" Lola gagged and ran back out of the room.

"Snow! Give me a hand." Clyde called out, hearing Snow practically sliding across the floor. She stopped at the door and saw the state of Y/n and frowned.

"Aw babe." Snow felt awful for her.

"I've got her, go." She tried to politely rush Clyde out but he didn't want to leave her.

"Trust me, no girl wants the person she's into seeing her like this. I promise I've got her. Just make sure she'll have someplace clear of puke to sleep." Snow put her hand on Clyde's shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze before shutting the door in his face.

[autumnrosethorn]

Bungou Stray Dogs Roleplay Request

Hello! The name's Azul. I'm an 18 year old who loves Bungou Stray Dogs. For a few days now I have been trying to find long-term roleplay partners who knows the fandom of Bungou Stray Dogs.

I have been in the Bungou Stray Dogs fandom for almost a year now, and let me just say I really adore all of the characters except for Mori.

The problem is that I have never experienced roleplaying the fandom BUT I am now wanting to experience roleplaying the fandom and possibly explore the AUs.

I have cosplayed a character from the fandom before and that is the one and only; Chūya Nakahara.

My future cosplay would be Ranpo and I'm excited about it but at this very moment I am working on collecting all of the books.

×More about me with Roleplays×

When it comes to roleplaying, I try my best to stay in character even though sometimes it's hard to.

I'm not an advanced-lit roleplayer, but I am a semi-lit. My roleplay lines are about 5-7 lines, but it may go pass 5-7 lines or below, it all depends on my creativity/motivation.

I do a lot of Genres, so if you want an dark/angst, drama, adventurous, fantasy, romance, etc. Then you came to the right person for it. I will allow all types/gens for your interest of the roleplay.

I have a lot of ships in mind!

×Romantic Ships×

Ranpoe(Ranpo x Poe)

Shin Soukoku(Atsushi x Akutagawa)

Soukoku(Chūya x Dazai)

FukuMori(Fukuzawa x Mori)

Kousano(Kouyou x Yosano)

Odango(Ango x Oda)

HawMitch(Margaret x Nathaniel)

Fyolai(Nikolai x Fydor)

Fyosig(Sigma x Fydor)

Siglai(Sigma x Nikolai)

Sigzai(Sigma x Dazai)

Fitzcott(Louisa x Francis)

×Platonic Ships×

KyouKenji(Kyouka x Kenji)

KyuElise(Elise x Kyusaku)

AtsuLucy(Lucy x Atsushi)

HiguGin(Gin x Higuchi)

AkuHigu(Higuchi x Akutagawa)

MarkLucy(Lucy x Mark)

I do NOT roleplay with minors(apologies) the ages I feel comfortable with is 18 up to 24. If you're 17 turning 18 soon I will allow it.

×How I got into roleplaying×

I have started roleplaying since the age of 12. To be honest the very first time of roleplaying, is when I got forced to do a roleplay in a public server on Discord. Somehow in the past, I thought to myself that roleplay will never be my taste of interest because on how I got forced, but once I got used to it, I have never stopped roleplaying.

×Characters×

With this I will mark the characters I can roleplay as and the the characters I'll try roleplaying as, in ships.

Green; Can roleplay as

Purple; Will try

Chuya x Dazai

Ranpo x Poe

Akutagawa x Atsushi

Fukuzawa x Mori

Kouyou x Yosano

Oda x Ango

Nathaniel x Margaret

Nikolai x Fydor

Sigma x Fydor

Sigma x Nikolai

Dazai x Sigma

Lousia x Francis

Kyouka x Kenji

Kyusaku/Q x Elise

Atsushi x Lucy

Higuchi x Gin

Higuchi x Akutagawa

Mark x Lucy

×Roleplay Rules×

I'm very sensitive to animal deaths, so i will also ask politely to not kill any animals, if we decide to roleplay.

Please do not ghost me, I do have a time limit with roleplays, and that is if you don't reply for two weeks I will stop the roleplay.

Please tell me that the roleplay is getting boring, and we'll try to discuss things out, or even try a different roleplay but still in the fandom of BSD.

I do allow ocs, and ocs x ccs but only for double-ups.

Please being kind at all times when we're talking out of roleplay, sometimes it is hard for me to understand due to having a speech disorder.

Don't be homophobic because I do ship bxb, gxg sometimes.

I do roleplay on Discord. My user is __.autumn.__ add me and we can discuss more on there. When I accept your friend request please tell me you are from here so I'd know.

Well this is it for now! I can't wait to meet you if you are interested in roleplaying with me. See you then!

[dontyoufinditstrange]

From Under The Cork Tree Lyrics That Alter My Brain Chemistry

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued

"the ribbon on my wrist says 'do not open before christmas'" "we're only liars, but we're the best" "its just past 8 and i'm feeling young and reckless"

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World

"i used to waste my time dreaming of being alive, now i only waste it dreaming of you" "we're sleeping through all the memories"

Dance, Dance

"tonight it's 'it can't get much worse' versus ' no one should ever feel like'" "i'm two quarters and a heart down" "and i don't wanna forget how your voice sounds" "these words are all i have so i'll write them so you need them just to get by" "this is the way they'd love if they knew how misery loves me"

Sugar, We're Going Down

"i'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song" "a loaded god complex, cock it and pull it" "isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him?"

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

"i keep my jealousy close cause its all mine" "hand behind this pen relives a failure every day" "so wear me like a locket around your throat, i'll wear you down, i'll watch you choke"

I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)

"we're the kids who feel like dead ends" "and the poets are just kids who didnt make it and never had it at all" "force our smiles, baby, half dead, from comparing myself to everyone else around me" "please put the doctor on the phone cause i'm not making any sense" "blame everyone but me for this mess" "and my back has been breaking from this heavy heart" "i'm hopelessly hopeful you're just hopeless enough"

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)

"i keep tellin myself, i keep tellin myself i'm not the desperate type, but you've got me looking through blinds" "trying to forget everything that isn't you" "i'm not going home alone, cause i dont do too well on my own"

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year

"cause i swear i'd burn the city down to show you the light" "no matter what they say, don't believe a word" "cause i'll keep singing this lie if you keep believing it" "take our tears, put em on ice" "ashamed of the way the songs and the words own the beating of our hearts" "got a sunset in my veins" "i need to take a pill to make this town feel okay" "i need to keep you like this in my mind"

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

"you are a getaway car, rush of blood to the head" "we only do it for the scars and stories, but not the fame" "at least everyone is trying, everyone is shining, everyone deserves the flames, but its such a shame" "the sounds of this small town make my ears hurt" "the tide's out, the ship's run aground, we drown traitors in shallow water"

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

"you're the only place that feels like home" "i'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends" "i am sorry my conscience called in sick again" "i've got arrogance down to a science" "they call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone" "but for what we've become we just feel more alone" "so progress report: i am missing you to death"

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

"you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with and i'm just the boy who's had too many chances" "i don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it" "write me off, give up on me, cause darling what did you expect?"

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"we never stood a chance and i'm not sure if it matters" "i'm mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town" "i know this hurts, it was meant to" "it's mind over you don't, don't matter" "it must be said again that all us boys are just screaming into microphones for attention because we're just so bored" "we never knew that you would pick it apart" "i'm falling apart to songs about hips and hearts"

XO

"i left my conscience pressed between the pages of the bible in the drawer" "love never wanted me, but i took it anyway" "choose love or sympathy" "loose lips sink ships"

[irbcallmefynn]

Pinned Post for 2024!

A new year calls for a new pinned! Hi! I'm Fynn (you can also call me Fynni if you want)!

https://pronouns.cc/@irbcallmefynn <My Pronouns Page Furry, artist, autism+adhd+ocd+chronic anxiety (undiagnosed) so bear with me. I'm 20, so I reserve the right to be a freak! Despite that, this blog should be safe. I do have an 18+ sideblog but I don't wanna tag it here. I will tag things to the best of my ability when needed. If I have tagged something wrong, or forgot to tag something, Please Let Me Know. Send an ask or a message or something.

DNI lists don't really work. If I don't wanna see you here I'm just gonna block you.

I'd be careful if you're a minor. I tend to tag things as "#suggestive" fairly well, so block that if you don't wanna see that stuff and you should be fine. Especially since I have a separate 18+ blog now. If I do slip up and either forget to tag something or accidentally reblog something to or from the wrong account please let me know so I can fix it!

I'm Sex Repulsed (I do experience sexual attraction, but actual sex grosses me out), Polyamorous and Demiromantic (taken x2: @ricochete29 & @0rionslay <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 )

I'm Therian to some degree. I know I'm not a wolf or mantis or anything. Never have been. But I really wish I was anything other than a human. So Therian it is! I'm also Plushie-kin and Program-kin. Just feel like there's a lot in common between plushies and what I want to be like, and the dependence betwern programs and the machines they're on is my ideal type of relationship. I'm also Alterhuman, Please refer to me as a wolf or dog or puppy or bug or plushie it makes me happy :3 you can find my kinlist thing here

I try and stay out of politics, but sometimes I've gotta say something. So keep that in mind. If a political topic stresses me out to see constantly, I will block the tags/content. I am the master of my online experience, so if I'm seemingly ignoring a major political topic, it's probably because I don't want to stress myself out with it constantly.

I have three main OCs: Fynn (not to be confused with me. I took his name :3) is a he/him half demon wolf thing who magicked his mouth off and is basically the mascot of the blog. Nauno is a he/they avali and is extremely gay and very kleptomaniac and I love them. Euphi is a she/heart protogen that happens to be immortal for some reason. Click on their names to see their reference sheets! Click here for a link to the lore doc all about them and the world of Cosme! And click here for my truesona's ref sheet(s)!

And now, some tags. "#fynn art" is for all of my art things. Pictures mainly, little bits of music here and there maybe. "#oc lore" is for when I talk about the lore of my ocs (or worldbuilding for them). "#bedposting" is something I do every night, just kinda whatever's on my mind before bed (may be very weird so heads up). "#art rb" is just for when I reblog art, if I keysmashed a whole bunch in another tag it means I really love it :3. "#transfur" is for any furry transformation stuff cause I like that in sfw ways here. "#reblog forcing" is a tag I will use if I decide to reblog something that other people are aggressively trying to make people reblog by saying things like "You have to reblog this" or "Reblog this every time you see it" (stop doing this shit please, a lot of people have anxiety about these sorts of things).

FAQ (frequently-ish asked questions):

Do you take Commissions? No, and I currently have no plans to. I don't want to make money off of my art. I create for the sake of creating, not for fame or fortune. Unfortunately, capitalism means I need to make money or I will Fucking Die. So maybe some day I'll open icon commissions or something. I don't have any means of giving or accepting money online anyways, so that's not a possibility.

What does the IRB stand for? My real initials. My legal first, middle, and last name. It's a force of habit. If/When I get my legal name changed I will change the blog name.

Thanks for taking the time to read my pinned! Assuming you actually read it and didn't just scroll to the bottom. Regardless, I hope you have a nice day!

[suleikashideaway]

Why I Don't Write Zell Dincht 

On this mother's day, I find myself forced into thinking about motherhood and the impacts of motherhood on every human life. 

Much more rambling beneath the cut.

I think about motherhood a lot. Mainly because I am indeed a mother myself. However, being a mother was only a catalyst for me in understanding why my own mother was the way she was, and how that affected me. The way I have unlearned and learned how to mother is only a by-product of this.

Today, of course, it's all highlighted. The obligation. The memories. The fucking balloons in the grocery store. It's all so much more complicated than I ever imagined, and I doubt I will ever stop processing it so directly on this specific day every year. 

Luckily I’ve been processing it for long enough that it is no longer raw and painful and explosive. Now I can type coherent sentences and be genuinely okay with the amount of introspection the day still brings. 

And though today I am moved enough to write about it here, this analysis is constantly brought into my fanfic writing. I could argue that the influence of one's parents (or lack of influence or lack of parents) is the root of everything I write. Often it's hidden below the surface of my words, and often I don't recognize it's there until afterwards, but it's a profound fundamental influence nonetheless. 

Maybe that's why I've always been drawn to Final Fantasy VIII. The main cast are all orphans. Rinoa is the exception, but losing her mother at age five and having a terrible relationship with her father put her in a similar-enough category. So they're all ripe for that trauma of not having a sturdy parent-child relationship, especially in their early days. 

I have headcanons for all of these poor babies, all based on their early separation from their parents and why they turned out the way they did in their late teen years. Why Seifer wants to be a knight, why Selphie enjoys explosives, why Irvine is a secret sweetheart behind his macho facade, and why Quistis has a thirst to prove herself. I plan to write all of these as their own fics. 

Except for Zell! 

Why? Well, Zell is the only one who wound up with a reasonable mother. He was orphaned just like the rest of them, but something happened when Ma Dincht picked that little blonde tornado from the line-up. Something clicked in that little heart of his, and it's my biggest headcanon that Zell “Crybaby Chickenwuss” Dincht is the most emotionally well-adjusted of the whole lot. 

He's the one who's never been afraid to express himself. He's completely forthcoming with his intensity and his feelings. He's willing to let you see his true self. 

And though it seems cringe (or at least it did for me as a teenager), this authenticity is something those of us with poor parenting often struggle with. We were taught from day one that our cries, our anger, our enthusiasm is too much and should be stifled in order to save others the energy from having to deal with it. Instead, children should be blindly obedient, seen and not heard. 

Not so for our darling Zell! Ma Dincht saw a crybaby and thought, “I'll take him.” 

Of course, not everyone struggles with writing Zell because of this. See @angelosearch’s beautiful take on this in her fic: The Ballad of Ma Dincht. And for further reading about Zell’s earliest years, see @gardengalwrites's Boardwalk Bratwurst. 

So, on this complicated day, I find solace in the idea that there are Ma Dinchts out there. And if you struggle on this day, I hope you can take comfort in my ramblings and know that your authentic expression is valuable, and it's well worth the time to seek out those who are capable of receiving it with open arms. ❤️

[linskywords]

heyyyy I don't recall if you've ever mentioned using a beta for any of your fics, but can I ask you about your editing process? How you start it, how you do it, what sort of things are you are on high alert for, etc?

I'm 23k into my first hockeyrpf fic, which is kinda *out there* and I'm now grappling with "woah is this even intelligible to other fans" 😅

What a fun question!! First of all, congrats on being 23K in. That's so many Ks! It's such a fun fandom to write in, I'm glad you're joining the fun. 😄

I don't use a beta. I used to, but I'm too impatient for it -- I always want to edit my fics right away and get them out there. So I do my own editing. I don't know how useful this will be for you, since everyone's writing process is so different, but here's how mine works!

First, I write a complete draft. I'll sometimes backtrack if I realize I've taken a wrong turning, but otherwise, I try not to worry too much about quality in the draft. I write from start to finish because otherwise I can't hold onto where I am in the emotional arc. Getting to the end and having the tension resolve is a huge motivator for me.

Once I have a complete draft, I usually do a full editing pass. I save a copy and go back to the beginning and read through the whole thing, editing and rewriting as I go. It's actually impossible for me to read my own draft without editing, which is hugely inconvenient sometimes (e.g. if I step away for a bit and need to refresh myself on the story, it takes forever because I find myself editing as I reread).

A lot of what I edit for is rhythm. I can't quite accurately gauge the rhythm of a scene while I'm writing it, especially if the scene is a conversation; I need to give myself a little distance and then reread for that. I do a lot of adding lines and taking others away to make things flow the way I want them to. I especially watch for if a scene builds too fast and doesn't earn its level of intensity, or if a scene drags and can be trimmed.

Another big one is, am I overstating emotions? Sometimes this means I'm repeating myself, and sometimes it means I'm being too direct about angst etc. when it would be stronger to dial it back and let the reader extrapolate. A lot of times when I'm writing I put in lines that state very directly how the character is feeling, mostly as a way of figuring out what that is, but that's really for me and not the reader, so I take those parts out. Or sometimes I'll put in a line or a feeling and realize I want to use it later on, so it'll be in both places in the draft and I'll take out the earlier one in editing.

I guess the biggest question I'm asking myself when editing is, does this ring true? Anything that feels fake or forced or convoluted or disconnected or illogical gets edited out the best I can.

Other things I look for:

clunky sentences (so many)

using the same word more than once in close succession ("even" and "just" are big ones for me, as are "soft" and "warm" in any sex or romance scene)

using the same sentence structure too many times in a row (she typed a thing, her words wording <- my biggest offender)

having characters smile or grin or laugh too many times in close succession

places where it's not clear which "he" I'm talking about (down with epithets, just repeat the name or rephrase)

places where I use too many dialogue tags (confession, I use them way more often than I need to for intelligibility; I just like the rhythm, and "he says" is neutral enough to my ear that I don't mind the unnecessary usage)

continuity errors, often where I changed something in one place while writing and forgot to change it elsewhere

weird metaphors I thought would work but don't

Usually one pass is not enough, since I'll have rewritten so much that then needs to be edited again. Two editing passes is arguably not enough either, but it's usually the limit of what I'll do. Sometimes if a story is very tricky I'll do more, or if it's very straightforward I might stop at one. It's kind of a vicious cycle: if I reread my edits, I'll want to edit again, and there's no real stopping it without just deciding it's good enough and you can be done. This is one reason I often post in chapters, because it's easier to do this with a smaller chunk of story.

I think that's what I have off the top of my head. Happy to talk more about any aspect if you're curious. Good luck with your writing and editing!!

[everythingkimpossible]

what happened and where I've been.

note: feel free to ignore if you don't care.

so it's been a really long time. I've been long debating on whether I should even make this post because I always wanted to avoid bringing anything personal to this blog. however I remember receiving messages from people who told me how much they loved this blog and how much it meant to them. as well as the people I used to talk to that I owe at least an explanation on why I disappeared.

firstly I got burned out, big time. when I started this blog I wanted to create a space where I can find, share, and reblog KP content. it was a huge passion project for me because I absolutely adored the show. my goal was to be the first blog that popped up when you typed in "Kim Possible" into search. The blog grew relatively quickly and I hit my goal within the first year. I met and talked to a lot of people who loved the show and would thank me for my reblogs of their fan art because of the amount traffic they would receive from it. i got inspired from the gifsets people posted and i got into making them myself and I loved it. however after how much time I put into running this blog it stopped being a passion project and became more of an obligation. I ran this blog for nearly six years ensuring that there would be posts every month. I ended up growing really tired of it and it wasn't enjoyable for me anymore.

secondly the Kim Possible live action movie. because this blog is called everythingkimpossible I felt that I needed to report about updates and developments about the then upcoming movie. to put it simply the movie brought out a lot of negativity and toxicity within the kim possible fan base and I would see so much of it under my posts and it was draining and demoralizing to be pretty much forced to read all of it.

now to clarify I have my own opinions on the movie as well let's just say i'm not a big fan of it myself (maybe i'll make a post about my thoughts on it if people are interested) but it still took a huge toll on me and it divided the fan base. I didn't know if I should make posts and reblogs about the movie after the fact or not.

so why am i back now? well i've recently started rewatching this show after many years and it got me really nostalgic about this blog. I truly did love running it for a long time. (it also recently turned 9 years old which is insane!) this site looks a lot different than the last time I was here! I'm also sad that a lot of the blogs that I follow are now deactivated but I can't really be shocked as I've been on hiatus for over 3 years.

I can't promise that I'll be back to regular posts but maybe I'll check in once in a while. Thank you to anyone who is still following me after all these years and to anyone who has even recently found this blog and followed.

Also thank you to everyone who has read til' the end I really appreciate it!

-EKP

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

SMB Author's Life Update part 2:

Well my dearest readers..... A discussion was had.....

I'm opening up here, because I just.... I don't know how my life is an actual cliche romcom plot.

So when I say " a confession was had" it was not the type of confession where one was asking for anything romantic or relationship wise. It was more like " You're my friend, but I'm getting super deep feelings that feel more-than-friend like and it's terrifying me cause I don't want to lose you. So I'm telling you now so you know where I'm at right now, but I'm not asking for you to be my boyfriend or anything more than your willing to give. I just need you to know this is what I'm feeling, and you need to put boundaries in place with me or I'll get even more confused and possibly blur my lines further"

I was mean, blurted this all out at the train station, 5mins before he had to catch his train (it was not as suave as I wrote by the way, I word vomited and was shaking like a leaf and then tried very hard not to runaway 😂). Then left him to think it over for a while 2days (the weekend).

But we did indeed talk about it and i am so very grateful...... That of all the guys for me to ever feel this deeply for the first time in my life it was for him.

We are not together, an honest blessing because I am very much not in a space for a relationship. I have only just gotten back to a healthy mind space. I'm still in the process of learning how to love myself.

He never thought of our friendship being anything more than friendly, but he loves how it's developing and he doesn't want to lose that either. (He's a bit sheltered if I'm honest, so kinda innocent and so very sweet. I call him Golden Boy in my writings lol).

We talked about our friendship and how important it is to the both of us because nothing about it's development was planned or ever felt forced it just fell into place.

We talked about how we wanted to see each other grow and thrive in life, and how neither of us plan to stop being an important person in each others lives.

And then we thanked each other, and proceeded to have a greeeeaaat laugh at how oblivious he was to my teasing/flirt comments, how I was fighting to be normal when he would talk to me etc.

We hugged it out and then we went Maccas for food 😂🤣🤣

I can't even begin to describe just how utterly happy I am that I haven't lost a friend, and that despite the romantic inclination of my feelings, our friendship is strong enough and mature enough to talk this through.

If I'm honest .... This didnt feel like a rejection, much like how I told him it wasnt really a question.... This felt like a "I'm scared of how important you have become to me so very fast, and I don't know if I'll survive if you leave" with a " I don't know where the future will take us but you're important to me too, and I don't plan on leaving".

Gaaaaaaah, now reading all that.... You bet I have sooooooo much inspo now for my writings 🤣😂

But thank you everyone who wished me luck and sent their support xxx

I greatly appreciate you

[spilledmilkfkdies]

What do you think the wizards heights are? (Including Valtor if you cover him) 🙏

Okokok so the problem is that I am a supporter of making the wizards of the Black Circle tall, and I mean Tall, Dark Souls bosses type of tall- But y'know what's stopping me? The thought I could never fit them into a car. Mhm.

I mean, not just that, kinda, more like 'how would they function in a normal setting and could they live under humans like that', because apparently that matters to me. Even if the thought of them having gone "so far off the deep end" that they just don't fit in with humans anymore after everything is a little delicious as well. Basically, I would make them unreasonably tall if I cared like 20% less about normalcy. That being said? Here are some rough height estimates I'm thinking off, in no particular order-

Starting out with Gantlos because I simply will not shut up about how I think he should be a big lad, the biggest, even. The actual reason for that though is like, y'know how in Resident Evil Village you have Lady Dimitrescu ends sentence there and the way she has to bend down to go through some doors? That has altered my brain in a normal way. I am normal. Now I'm not saying Gantlos is that tall, as previously mentioned, sort of. But having to duck just a little bit when going through the average door? I'm not above doing that. Sorry. I think that would put him lightly above 7ft (well over 2m). Was he always that tall? Probably not. Is it doable? Eh, it's what I'm leaning towards right now, that's usually how it goes.

Paragraph over! Moving on to Ogron!! I was considering making him the shortest, you can disagree and be happy I changed my mind, you can be disappointed too- That man wears heels either way, so it's whatever no it's not I still think about him being the shortest sometimes. What position is he in right now? Um middle. Yeah. Like obviously, I guess, but I'll explain why it's a little confusing in a bit, let's say he's somewhere 6'4ft (1.93m) and 6'7ft (about 2m) maybe?? Pulling these numbers out of my ass don't even worry about it-

Now here's where I start making things really complicated for myself for no reason fr! Because!! Duman's height is all over the place. I don't just mean this in a way where sometimes he's literally a rat or bear with those matching heights- The height of his own form also just. Depends on his mood?? There's days where he's the shortest and days where he isn't. Rarely below 6ft (1.83m), never taller than Gantlos (Dumanic bat form not included, that shit is Large, but currently also unspecified). It just be like that sometimes. Any specific reason why I forced that onto him? Nuh uh definitely not.

Basically, Anagan is left as the shortest whenever Duman isn't. That's what we're going with rn. That's where we're at. He's not short though, just compared to the others ig? Put him next to the average man and he still has a couple of inches probably maybe- Are you starting to notice that I know very little about height because I feel like that seed had been planted in the first few sentences already.

Am I legally allowed to speak on Valtor's height? Will I be hunted for sport if I put a take out there that's not appreciated? Taking the absolute coward way out and saying I think he'd be shorter than Ogron, but above Anagan? His demon form is bigger than Duman's though, so there's that. Cough.

Will I be sticking to the order of this? Who knows! The actual numbers I did specify? Highly doubt it! But for now let's put it like, tallest to shortest:

Valtor demon form >> Duman demon form >> Gantlos >> Could be Duman >> Ogron >> Could also be Duman >> Valtor >> Duman again >> Anagan >> Duman sometimes

Okay that's all bye

[desistancejourney]

in the last year or two that I identified as trans (I considered myself trans in some way for about 5-6ish years) I felt like I HAD to keep feeling like I was trans in order for the things about myself to still make sense, it felt like an imposition, because any reason that I had to question it would be considered transphobia. And when I finally gave myself permission to stop doing that, I felt such a relief that I didn't have to do that anymore. It felt like a burden had left me and I no longer felt obligated to identify as trans, if that makes sense. And for several months after that the "trans" feelings weren't happening organically and I felt freedom to be myself because a female can be anything she wants to be, and i almost had trouble recalling all of the reasons I felt trans in the first place (I mean I understood some of the reasons logically but not the memory of the original very first feelings). But now that it's been over a year since I desisted, the feelings are starting to come back a little bit and it's been a weird experience. I have different thoughts and feelings about what these feelings mean now than I did then, but it's still interesting to see these feelings come up largely on their own without being surrounded by trans ideology like I was before. Like I'll have the thought "I really wish I were a guy" sort of out of the blue. Not "I want to look like a guy", not "I want to remove my breasts". It's more like "I think I would have been a lot happier if I were born a man." And while i would characterize myself as somewhat gnc, it's not even about that? It's just that I feel more like a guy than a woman. But when I push harder on that thought it almost always comes down to stereotypes and things that shouldn't necessarily be gendered but that doesn't stop it from hurting? And maybe it's the fact that I'm likely autistic but I don't really relate to or understand many of the women around me, or I do but not in the way I feel like I'm supposed to, whatever that means. The idea that "woman just means adult human female" has helped me in the sense that i don't have to be or feel any way to be a woman, and by simply just existing as a female person I am forcing the label of woman to be applied to me, and if I don't fit what you think it should mean then you're the one who's wrong, not me. But I still don't "feel" like a woman. I don't believe in magical gender feelings anymore in the trans ideology kind of way, but even among radfems (who I don't always 100% agree with) I still feel like there's a sense of being a woman that they feel that I just don't. I'm not trying to project "woman feelings" that they don't have onto radfems, I'm just trying to describe my own disconnect from womanhood, regardless of how its defined. I really would like advice on this point and maybe there's a way of looking at it that I haven't thought of. It's not that I "feel" like a man, either, in the sense that again, I don't believe in magical gender feelings, and also that since I am not a man (as in a male human being) I couldn't possibly know what it is to "feel" like a man. Even as I typed out "I am not a man", just now I felt a certain sadness; not like I was lying, it just made me very sad and that was unexpected. Sometimes when I feel this way I start to think that every lesbian has had these thoughts before. But I also see a lot of evidence that that's not true. I know there are other things that led to me thinking I was trans (trauma and autism for starters) other than just being gay. I guess I'm just surprised and confused that I still feel this yearning to be man even after desisting. I sort of convinced myself that a lot of those feelings were coming from the community that I was in, and I still largely think that, but there's still something inside me that contributed to my trans identification that I haven't dealt with yet. I just feel really sad about it today particularly and I wonder if any detrans or desisted women (or anyone, really) had some insight into this.

[predvestnik]

Knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier.

Repost, don't reblog!

(PEN) NAME: Vênus

PRONOUNS: You can't misgender me in a way that I'll care

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: DMs always. 

NAME OF MUSE(s): Childe Tartaglia Ajax (you're here!). Kaveh over @vohunara and Neuvillette, tentatively, over @leviudicator

BEST EXPERIENCE: Having joined the RPC on Tumblr over ten years ago, honestly. I'm way more recluse now than when I started, but how stories are written on this platform is collaborative in ways no other is. It was on Tumblr where I've had the pleasure of developing storylines that were intertwined with multiple people's muses and that will never stop being a goal to experience again. Multiple muses being affected by the actions of others? Referencing in their threads for better or for worse? Chef kiss.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS: Begging is not a dealbreaker, but it's a major pet peeve. For anything: interaction, ship, meme, art, etc. It's not always easy to get traction, more often than not we have to look back to what we are providing to find the solution to our struggles — am I respectfully reaching out to other RPers? Am I engaging with the community? Am I putting out content that makes sense for other people to add to? So on and so forth.

Littlest most inconsequential thing, mostly because I don't understand at all: seeing "not affiliated with the Genshin fandom" everywhere. What in hell is that supposed to even mean? We're in the RPC, which is a subsection of the fandom. It tells me nothing.

MUSE PREFERENCES: I have a history of thriving with muses who are part of the antagonist force in their source material, from the most extroverted types to the stoic ones. I like conflict and opposition, even when (specially, I'd go so far as to say) my muse is the one who's wrong.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I prefer plots but my routine only gives me enough resources to engage with memes, mostly. Plotting with me nowadays kind of require OOC closeness due to the immensurable patience we will need.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Night time. Alas, eepy. </3

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): I don't think so. There are elements I inject into my portrayals that relate back to me as a natural consequence of interpreting a character, but I see close to nothing of myself in their canon. c: If anything, I'd say Neuvillette is the one I think comes the closest and, ironically enough, is the most challenging muse I have currently.

tagged by: @ccaptain Because of COURSE. <3 tagging: This bloodline ends with me (jk, take it!)

[silentslxmp]

Autistic! Greenbean AU Headcanons: Kid! Lloyd Edition

Now, some things you need to know before read:

English it's not my first lenguaje, I'm trying my best but I speak spanish, so if I have something wrong or I less some word conector, please! Let me know (I use Google Translate in this ocation because I got lazy lol).

I haven't been diagnosed with autism or any neurodivergence (I've never been to a psychologist or a psychiatrist really) but my friends suspect, many of these things I do myself. In any case, I have been finding out more about the subject, reading and seeing testimonials, even so, if I wrote something wrong or far from reality, let me know! I am interested in learning.

This AU it's a modern AU without powers or something, I have plans and history for this sooo, keep that in mind.

WEELLLL, here I am again with more hc and a character sheet :D

Note: I know sensory vest usually don't have turtlenecks, sorry, take that as creative license (?)

I made another list with stimming hc:

- Lives with Wu after Garmadon murders his mother

- He witnessed the case :(

-His dad was probably autistic too jaja

- Probable selective mutism

- Hyperfixation in dragons, ALL dragons

-He has a lot of accumulated energy that he cannot release anywhere but at home

-Tics and spasms when he is stressed/anxious

-The first days after the murder he could not sleep due to the intensity of the tics and spasms

-He actually doesn't remember much of what happened that night, but he knows something bad happened

-He has a rather toxic relationship with Garmadon, he loves him very much because he was the most present father (despite everything Garmadon did) he generated a certain anxious attachment

-In his mind, Garmadon was bitten by an evil snake, turning his father into pure evil, because in his head it does not fit that his father did something bad

-He received therapy 1-2 times before moving in with Wu, but due to Misako's lack of time he couldn't continue (because Garmadon is a capacitist jaja)

- He returned to therapy :D

-He got him a sensory vest because he had a hard time doing anything (especially when Wu is not around or he has to do with being with other people)

-The stuffed animal he has (which is his favorite) was given to him by Garmadon

-He has a stuffed dragon bigger than his in his room, Wu bought it for him the first few days to help him cope with the situation

-Stimming with sounds, but Garmadon found it irritating so he forced himself to stop doing it

-He has a Poly Pocket type box but with a dinosaur theme, so he took out the dinosaurs and put dragons instead

THATS ALL 👁️👁️

If someone have any doubt or question just do it! I'll happy to answer it. ヾ(*'∀`*)ﾉ♡

Thanks to read. ♡︎