#tw ed discussion

[103bbg]

Feeling soft grunge ☁️

[wishthethin]

So is anyone else happy for fall/winter? Like you can wear baggy clothes and hide your body. You can carry around coffee or tea all the time. If you look cold or are shaking you have an excuse.

[witheringthistle]

i am disappointed I have to eat to survive

[coffeexxcigarettes]

Almond Milk

-

Sometimes I don't know what's actually me.

I'm sure that's confusing,

So hear me out, if you have the time.

I believe we are made of wires

And memories.

Pathways to which we learn lessons.

For example,

If you speak too loudly and are shushed,

The wire bends within you.

You learn to speak softer.

I'm not sure, I suppose,

If I really like almond milk,

Or if you taught me that there were good foods

And that there were bad.

I'm not sure if blending almonds with water really does taste better,

Or if the wire within me tangled into a ball

To fill my stomach instead.

I trusted you to teach me young,

Yet I have memories of us,

Counting every damn almond in the house.

Strange how I have no memories of us

Actually eating one.

x

..

..

..@nosebleedclub April 17th- Almond Milk

[stonerexicfaery]

we're almost four months into the new year.

what do you have to show for it?

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Pretty Girl | 4. last goodbye

1. pretty girl. | 2. lover, you should’ve come over | 3. been on my mind | 4. last goodbye | 5. hold my hand

warnings: cursing, discussions of an ed (if that’s not something you want to read, you can skip this chapter and read the next one!)

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Instagram

liked by jakeyswife, lilylils, jets_model, and 659,390 more

enews Do we see some drama raining on the new couple's parade? After they publically announced their relationship, Y/n Y/l/n"s ex Davey George was interviewed with Vouge and cast some light on the previously dark recent breakup scandal. Here are some of the highlights we collected for you.

About their relationship: "She was distant throughout the relationship. Call it prioritizing her career, but it just felt like I was a second thought. Which, you know, is funny, considering how it felt like I was the one doing her a favor by going out with her in the first place. I mean, she was a mess when we first got together. Crying all the time, shit like that. It felt like she couldn't be real around me because of how much she was upset about a breakup that I got the impression she didn't even care about... It was one guy after the other, for her, with a few girls mixed in, and I can see why nothing ever stuck. Good luck to Seresin, though."

About the breakup: "Things got bad, quick. One day, she was cuddling with me and watching movies, the next she can't stand to see me and is fucking around with some guy behind my back...I should've expected it from someone like her. All I did was take care of her, and she tossed me aside. Literally. She threw my shit out the window, changed the locks, the whole nine yards. Wouldn't even listen when I tried to explain myself."

About the recent announcement: "Shit, man, I can't say I'm surprised. She ran out of guys not in her friend group to fuck. All I can say is that Bradshaw and Machado better watch the fuck out. Even her best friend's man isn't out of the picture...It won't last long, though. Her shit'll get in the way like it always does. First, she'll stop being fun, then she'll stop eating. All the crap you'd expect from a model, right?"

view 68,580 comments

jakeyswiffe this is absolutely horrible

daveyyyy i knew there was some reason he was so upset, what a bitch

y/nsgirl anyone else smell bs?

bradbradbob she better stay away from bradley

-> natasha_pho for reallll

seresinhangman did he really say all of this?? i knew he was a shitty person

models_uno she sounds horrible omg

y/nhubby damn this is so disappointing to hear, stay safe out there guys

jakeeee_s okay but anyone else upset that he talked about her ed like that??

-> callieslove definitely

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Messages

you: i didn’t cheat on him

jakey: baby

you: i didn’t do it i swear

you: i don’t want you to think i would do something like that

jakey: i know you didn’t

jakey: he’s a goddamn liar

jakey: and that’s not what i’m worried about

you: what are you worried about?

you: i mean i’m dedicated to my job but it won’t get in the way or anything

jakey: i’m not worried about that either

you: ??

jakey: honey

jakey: have you eaten today?

you: yes

jakey: i’m gonna ask again

jakey: have you eaten today?

you: i said yes

you: is this about what davey said?

jakey: is it true?

you: some of it

you: i’m better than i used to be

jakey: okay

jakey: why didn’t you tell me?

you: it’s not that easy

you: and i didn’t think it was important

jakey: how could this not be important

you: i don’t my ed to be the thing that defines me

you: i already have enough labels, i didn’t need any more

jakey: that has nothing to do with us though

jakey: it’s not like i would tell anyone

you: you would look at me different

you: everyone does when they find out

jakey: i don’t see you any different

jakey: i’m not like all of your shitty exes

you: really?

you: that’s what you want to bring up?

jakey: i didn’t mean it like that and you know it

you: sure

jakey: i’m just saying that i’m different from them

jakey: i care about you and i don’t want to see you get hurt

you: oh, haven’t you heard?

you: apparently i’m going to be the one to hurt you and throw you out of my apartment

jakey: come on

jakey: don’t be like that

you: i’m not being like anything

you: i’m going to sleep

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Messages

you: are you busy?

tash: not particularly

you: i need a tasha hug

tash: babe you’re in new york

tash: but i can get a plane ticket

you: not if you have anything important

tash: come on

tash: you’re more important than anything else

——————————————————————————

You put down your phone and curl up further into the mess of blankets and pillows that you’ve scattered around your bed. Even thought it’s night, the city noise is still going strong outside, but you’re high up enough for it to be a distant, pleasant hum other than it’s actual chaotic bustle. It’s one of the perks of having enough money to buy yourself an apartment as high as you want.

Your PR manager told you to lay low for a while, not because you did anything wrong, but because it would give her time to figure out a way to take this into your hands. You can’t complain; you’re not sure you would be up for doing much right now.

It’s not like this was anything unexpected. Eventually- because Davey never could stand not having attention- someone was going to say something about you. You’ve finally come to accept that, in your line of work, you don’t really have room for secrets.

But right now, it feels so overwhelming. You’ve had exes share details about you before (the whole world knows that you hide in closets at parties when you want alone time), but it’s never been anything as…personal.

And then there’s Jake. The conversation you had earlier with him didn’t exactly go as you wanted it to, and now, for the first time in weeks, he’s in San Diego while you’re in New York. It had been pre-planned for you to go back to your apartment for a while and for him to get enough space in his house for you to move in some of your stuff, but the timing feels abrupt. You have your first fight and you can’t even look him in the eye. You can’t make up with a few words and a kiss, and he can’t sweep you off your feet in a bear-like hug.

You could break first and ask him to come to New York. But after some of the things he said, you’re not sure if you want to be that person. For your whole career, you’ve been positioned as a girl who chases after the guy until he’s too boring. With Jake, it hadn’t been like that. It had been a whirlwind, and you undeniably wanted him just as much as he wanted you, but it had also been easy.

It’s always been true that no matter how mad at Jake you are, you still want him by your side. But do you still want him by your side if he doesn’t trust you? If he thinks you’re keeping secrets from him based on one interview, how can something long-term possibly last? If he can’t be supportive when you need him to be, then how can you stay with him?

You’re not embarrassed or ashamed of your history with food. It’s something you’ve been struggling with for years, and you can proudly say that you’re much better now than you used to be. But that doesn’t meant that you haven’t had setbacks. While you were dating Davey, there was a particularly hard shoot. Your body, which you’re used to being on display, hadn’t looked how you wanted it to look, especially compared to the other women you worked with. Against them, you didn’t feel like you deserved to be on the cover of any magazine.

So you’d skipped meals. It didn’t start intentionally. It was hardest on lazy days when you didn’t have anything planned. It was so easy to tell yourself that you didn’t need food, and Davey wasn’t around enough to notice or help you. It was a hard time, but, with help from Natasha, you’d gotten yourself out of the situation. Part of that meant getting rid of Davey, which turned out exactly how you thought it would: with him telling the world about all your flaws.

Tossing and turning throughout most of the night, you end up falling asleep with Jake’s hoodie underneath your head.

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Instagram

tasha.trace added to their story

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Instagram

liked by tasha.trace, taylorswift, roo_bradshaw, and 3,203,283 more

y/n.username i’m so so proud and humbled to have been included in this project. taylor, thank you for choosing me to be a part of your beautiful, tragic vision. it came at just the right time for me. all too well (10 minute version) (taylor’s version) the short film out now. 🧣 good luck, babes.

view 89,202 comments

y/n.fan what did he do to her 😭

roo_bradshaw so proud of you ♥️

taylorswift Working with your was a dream ♥️

-> natashasgirll uhh new moms just dropped?

tasha.trace i love you!!

tasha.trace i’m gonna cry i adore you

bob.bob.floyd this is amazing! you’re unstoppable

the_real_taytay IM SCREAMIMG AHHHH

halo_cal_bass my god i love you but why would you make me watch that i’m sobbing

penny.benny Way to go!

jakeyswifee she doesn’t post anything for a month then drops this, love a chaos queen

-> tasha.trace i support all of her chaos

maverick.mitchell You’ve now convinced me: you can do anything.

model_y/n oh you can tell that she’s not acting in some scenes

model_y/n don’t let jake see this

swiftietaylor the combo i didn’t know i needed

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Messages

javy: hey

javy: i’m proud of you!

you: thanks :))

javy: he really misses you, you know

javy: i know he was an idiot

javy: and that probably hasn’t changed

javy: but he’s a mess

javy: and he’s sorry for whatever he did

you: he didn’t tell you?

javy: he wouldn’t say a thing

you: did he ask you to say this?

javy: he’s too proud to do that

javy: as his best friend, i know when he’s suffering and when he’s too stubborn to admit he was wrong

javy: right now he’s both

you: right

you: thanks for telling me

javy: at least let him know you’re okay

javy: are you okay?

you: i am

you: i do miss jake though

javy: tell him that

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It’s been a month. A month of throwing yourself into your work and trying to pretend that whatever was happening with Jake, wasn’t happening. You thought that the fight would blow over. He would apologize, or you would make him apologize, and you would be back to spending your days staring into his ocean eyes.

But every-time you thought about reaching out, you could never convince yourself to actually reach out and accept his hand. He’s tried to talk to you, through text messages and missed calls, but you’ve stayed strong.

Then you got the opportunity of a lifetime to work with Taylor on a short film, and that was the distraction you needed to clear the anger and the fog of grief from out of your mind. Being in such an emotional, raw project allowed you to feel your own emotions as well as dip into your character’s. Tasha’s been with you the whole time, sometimes physically and sometimes virtually when she had to work. Callie’s been there too; she even made a girls trip up to New York despite being in the middle of a directing project. If any of the other Mav’s have felt awkward talking to you, they haven’t shown it. The only difference has been the lack of Jake.

Now, you’re starting to doubt if it’s worth it to keep up the lack of communication. Jake’s been part of your life for so long, and you miss him. You kind of wish there was something deeper behind it, but it’s really that simple: you miss Jake. More often than not you find yourself asking the question is it really worth it to miss him when you could try and sort out the misunderstanding?

If Javy’s telling the truth and Jake really is a mess, like you are, then maybe it’s time to reach out. Surely you can sort this out, right? You can explain your side like an adult, and Jake can tell you his.

You still think- no, you know, that he was wrong to say what he said. But part of you recognizes now that he had been hurting just like you had. Now that the drama has died down, you find yourself wanting Jake to come back, mistakes and all.

——————————————————————————

you: hey

you: do you want to talk?

jakey: i would love to

jakey: call me?

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A/n: how’s everyone feeling? lots of big emotions here lol

taglist lovelies: @rosiahills22 @fangirlvibez @djs8891 @shanimallina87 @abaker74

[disqualified-human-1103]

To those of you with addictions, whether it’s to substances, self harm, or an ED, if you’re still early in it: please try to stop now while you still can.

It gets so much harder to control as you spend more time with it. It’s like your brain rewires and now every time you feel anything, you just go to wanting to relapse.

I was recovered from sh and my ed for about a year and then things started getting bad again so I’ve relapsed and haven’t been able to stop. And I’ve been self harming for almost 8 years and starving for 5.

It gets so much more difficult to replace or leave a coping mechanism the longer you use it. So please, if you can, get help before it gets worse.

[willows-woes]

fun ED facts to share with your friends!!!

- someone can be undereating and still eating 3 meals a day. they could still be in a severe calorie deficit, over-exercising/purging, and hating their body but eating breakfast+lunch+dinner.

- multiple types of eating disorders exist

- anorexia is the rarest eating disorder at under 3% of ED diagnosis, but is the most represented for some reason.

- not all people with EDs count calories, and they are still suffering. they are still valid.

- "you don't look like you have an eating disorder" is bullshit. anyone, at any age, any gender, any sexuality, any race, any body type, etc. can develop an eating disorder.

- it's not as simple as "just eat more/less"

[ineffectualdemon]

Jesus fucking Christ

TW FOR WEIGHT LOSE FUCKERY AND DISORDERED EATING AND BAD DOCTORS ANF FATPHOBIA

Had a phone conversation with a doctor who is definitely not one my usual ones. They're from a partner in the medical group and not my actual office that I normally see

And like.

She wasn't horrible but I was talking specifically about my disordered eating issues + my autism + my physical limitations and how they comboine to make it difficult for me to eat regularly and to eat as healthily as I want to (because I want to eat healthier! I feel better when I can!)

I specifically mentioned I have a lot of mental health issues and trauma around food and this is really hard for me to talk about and that I'm almost crying

And she still brought up my fucking BMI

And I shut that down immediately by reminding her I have mental health issues around food and eating is difficult for me so I can't focus on weight loss. I want to focus on eating better and getting more active for my health without prioritising weight loss specifically because that is very triggering for the mental health issues I already told her about

Anyway I ended that phone call hating myself for ever eating so good job doctor! You made me feel like shit

Anyway I got a referral to a dietician. I don't know if that's good in these circumstances or bad but it doesn't feel good rn

[venusatnight]

I hate that my mom keeps commenting on me losing weight when I still look like like such a fkn whale. Like I look like I lost weight WHERE?!? Is the weight loss in the room with us?!?!?!

[eleanorcomegetme]

chat im gonna force myself to have a meta WEEK because ive been doing nothing but maintaining no matter what even after like 2 meta days in a row 🙏 gonna get too much sleep also i hope this works

[witheringthistle]

wish me luck on my fast y'all!! 🤭🤭🤞

[coffeexxcigarettes]

Recovery

-

I will never be the girl

That turns heads

With her body.

I will never start wars with my curves,

Or set hearts aflame with my smile.

This is not for lack of trying.

Starving.

Crawling.

Bending.

Breaking.

But I will never be that girl.

And some nights,

That's harder to cope with

Than others.

[stonerexicfaery]

[numberonemisandrist]

THINKING about culture and history and how culture changes throughout history into something our ancestors wouldn’t be able to recognize and something we can’t imagine living without, but it’s fine, because we don’t have to, we live only in our present, we have the culture and the growth we are familiar with and nothing else. but NATIONS can’t. the nations have to live with these changes and accept and reconcile with them in order to keep going, keep being one with their people.

Anyways all this to say, I’m imagining sick and twisted thoughts about America experiencing the radical shift from the fat=good mentality we had in the 16th-20th~ centuries to the fat=evil mentality we’ve had since.

The first time England tells her she could stand to lose a few pounds, it glues her to the floor, she freezes. The moment burns itself into her brain, worming its way into deep recesses she didn’t even know about. Even today, a hundred years later, she can still see the memory play out in front of her, clear as day. It haunts her every waking moment at times because

When did it change? When did it suddenly become wrong for her to look fed and strong and powerful? When did everything change, and what was she doing that she didn’t even notice?

And she spends decades fighting for that sense of control back, thinking that if she can just keep herself thin, keep herself how her people want, she’ll never be caught off guard again, she’ll never look around and realize everything is different and she has no clue what to do about it.

[loveme2deathana]

I've messed this week up.

I have failed a lot this week, but at least today I managed to fast. I just had tea and coffee today with no sugar. However, I'm still dreading tomorrows weigh in. So much so that I might stay up late working out. I have already been out on my bike for 60 mins and lifted some weights. Additionally, I'm almost up to 10k steps.

Look at the red crosses. Tomorrow will be a failure too because it's Bonfire night and I'm not missing out. I will have to fast again on Monday or Wednesday and Friday.