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generalllimaginesss · 5 months

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I would like to apologize for the amount of time this took to write lmao. I couldn’t find a good stopping point and got overwhelmed with how I would finish this part, but at least there will be a part 4 in the foreseeable future. I’m working on some headcannons for Hattie so we can get to know her a bit more!

Thanks for reading!!

No Expectations

“Jack, I need your moral support. Please come here now,” Hatton’s hands threatened to begin sweating with the amount of anxiety that was coursing through her body. She had her MacBook out, the cursor hovering above the attachment that Trevor had sent her. She didn’t know why she was so nervous, but she knew that Jack would bring her back to earth.

“Sure, Hattie. Let me drop everything I’m doing and come at your beckon call. There’s literally nothing more in the entire world that I would want to do right now,” Sarcasm laced Jack’s words.

“Attitude Mister. Check it now,” Hatton quickly brought it to his attention.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to make sure I have everything packed to go back to Jersey. Luke is coming over tonight and I want to check his stuff and make sure he’s ready to go. When do I need to come over?” Jack was rustling through some papers as he held his phone to his ear with his shoulder.

“Now?” Hatton put her innocent voice on, knowing Jack could never say no to her.

“Hattie, you better be glad that you’re my best friend in the world,” Jack sighed as he laid the papers down.

“Thank you, Jacky boy,” Hatton smiled.

About 20 minutes passed when she heard the front door open and close, followed by footsteps that skipped up the stairs. Jack pushed open Hatton’s door and plopped down beside her on the bed.

“What’s up,” he asked, pulling out his phone to keep him occupied.

“Trevor sent me a PowerPoint on why he would be a good boyfriend. I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I am and I need your company here,” Hatton explained as she fiddled with the rings on her hand.

“You couldn’t just FaceTime me with this?” Jack groaned. This whole ordeal gave Jack flashbacks of their middle school days of romance.

“Jack, this is my future we’re talking about. What if he’s the one? What if I say yes to be his girlfriend? What if we get married and have kids and finally get a happily ever after?” Hatton was serious, but Jack was trying not to laugh.

“You realize, like, 2 months ago you didn’t like him…” Jack smirked, but was met with an unamused look from Hatton.

“3, 2, 1,” Hatton took a deep breath and clicked the attachment. She clicked the ‘present’ button and began to read the slides.

“Ok, I actually want to see these,” Jack admitted as he scooted closer to Hatton and read the slides.

“I will buy you flowers when you least expect it,” Hatton laughed, “Because that’s boyfriend material.”

“I have a dog?” Hatton was getting upset. She wanted him to take this seriously, but he’s giving her these lame reasons? Actually, the dog isn’t lame, but basing an entire relationship on one is.

“Uh oh, here’s the mushy ones,” Jack announced as he clicked to the next slide.

Hatton’s eyes scanned the slide.

“Every time I look at you it gets harder to breathe. You’re quite literally breathtaking and I’ll remind you that every single day,” Hatton could feel the heat in her cheeks rise.

“That’s gross,” Jack fake gagged, but stopped when Hatton gave him a look.

“Every time your name pops up on my phone (which isn’t much, but still…) my heart races a little,” Hatton began sporting a smile.

“I know that Jack Hughes will always be by your side (hi buddy) and that would be the closest I could get to be his brother. I’ve already asked Quinn to marry me and he told me to fuck off,” The slide caused a rupture of laughter that filled the entire room.

“He’s got a point,” Jack chuckled.

“Every time I picture my future, at least for the last 3 years until now, I always picture you in it. I’d like you to be more than a friend, and I’d love for you to give me a chance to prove that I can love you the way you deserve,” Hatton couldn’t shake the smile off of her face even if she wanted to.

“I would’ve bullied him in high school for this,” Jack shook his head and leaned back into the pillows, pulling his phone out to go through his Snapchat.

A link on the last slide caught Hatton’s attention, but she managed to read the text that sat above it.

“Here’s a plane ticket. If I convinced you to allow me to be your boyfriend, I’d love to see you and keep explaining how I can be your boyfriend while being thousands of miles away,” Jack squealed as he watched Hatton open the link to the plane tickets.

Sure enough, there was a ticket for first class from Detroit to Anaheim that was a week away.

Jack kept glancing between the ticket and Hatton while she just sat there staring at the computer screen.

“It’s not going to disappear if you look away you know,” Jack poked her in her side, resulting in an elbow to his stomach.

“I don’t know what to do. I mean, I guess I could skip school for the week. I could do my assignments online,” Hatton wasn’t talking to Jack in particular, but more so thinking out loud. Jack didn’t seem to pick up on that memo though.

“I’m no genius by any means, but it sounds like you do know what to do,” Jack raised his eyebrows at the girl sitting beside him. She couldn’t be annoyed with Jack because he was right. She wanted to jump on that flight. Hell, she’d probably jump on a flight sooner if possible, but she didn’t want to begin this relationship with being so spontaneous.

“When do you leave for Jersey?” Hatton turned to face Jack, quickly changing the subject, but eager to know the answer.

“Um, 6 in the morning,” He scratched the back of his neck, preparing for a lecture of why he should’ve told her he was leaving sooner.

“Jack Hughes, what the hell?!” She pushed at him, hoping to push him off the bed, but he barely budged.

“I probably would’ve told you sooner….actually I shouldn’t lie I probably wouldn’t have. In my defense, I did tell you I was busy before I got here,” he pointed out, but it didn’t fix Hatton’s frustration.

“Yeah, but you failed to mention that you’ll be leaving in less than 24 hours, dumbass,” she thumped him on his ears, eliciting a wince from him.

“I was going to come over tonight to tell you bye,” he grumbled, but Hatton just rolled her eyes.

“I’m FaceTiming you when I get there,” Hatton announced.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” he patted her leg as he began to stand up.

“Wanna come help me finish packing?” He knew she wouldn’t say no to his request.

“I guess I could,” Hatton played as if it was even a thought that she wouldn’t.

Because he was leaving in the morning, they took separate vehicles back to his house, so Hatton just planned on spending the night, wanting to spend as much time with her best friend as possible before hockey stole him back.

….

The next week passed painfully slow as Hatton had said goodbye to all of her boys. She had friends that were girls, but none that she trusted as much as Jack, Turcs, Cole, or Quinn. Maybe Trevor, too.

The boys just made life interesting. They weren’t full of drama, and everyday was some sort of adventure. She missed them a lot when they were gone, so to think that she would get to see Trevor, and possibly Alex, gave her something to look forward to.

She appreciated the gesture of the plane ticket from Trevor, but what the hell was he thinking with a 7:00 am flight? There was an hour drive from her to the airport, and she had to be there at least 2 hours prior so that she wouldn’t be an anxious mess. And that leads her to now, lugging her bag from her room to her car and making the drive to Detroit.

The drive wasn’t terrible, but Hatton had to stop for coffee so that she wouldn’t fall asleep behind the wheel. The traffic was steadily getting worse as she made her way to the airport parking, though. She went through TSA and checked her bag groggily, the sleep not too distant from the night before.

Once Hatton was awake enough to be aware of her surroundings, she knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, even if the flight was four and a half hours. A shaken espresso from Starbucks would do the trick to give her enough energy to get through the travel day without catching an attitude with somebody.

After grabbing her coffee and finding a corner to read one of her books, the intercom finally came on, announcing that her flight was boarding first class. She grabbed her backpack and book and made her way to her seat next to the window.

The book she was reading seemed to speed up the flight, the one and only time she glanced at her watch and there was only an hour left until they landed. She spent the last hour watching outside of the window, taking a few pictures, and just thinking about what this next week could lead to.

That was great, until she thought about the fact that she hadn’t even talked to Trevor to let him know she was coming. She couldn’t text him, so she just had to wait until the plane landed, mentally kicking herself for forgetting such a major detail for the day.

The plane landed and everybody deboarded. Hatton quickly grabbed her suitcase from the baggage claim and tried to find a place outside to make a quick call to Trevor.

As she pressed his number to call him, she heard a phone ringing behind her. Confusion swept over her as she turned around to see the tan skinned, wind-swept hair that Trevor wore so well. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes and smile when he smirked at her.

“Let me guess…Jack?” She knew that Jack couldn’t keep his fat mouth shut even if he wanted to, but for once it turned out in her favor.

“Did you really think he wouldn’t tell me that you were coming? Which brings me to my next question, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” He grabbed the suitcase from her and walked her to where his car was parked, all the while taking in how she could possibly be as beautiful as she was right now after traveling all day.

“I’ll be honest, I completely forgot to. I don’t really have a good excuse,” She admitted. She placed her backpack into his backseat, but Trevor wouldn’t let her grab the door to get into the front because he had to.

“Thank you,” Hatton smiled up at him and waited for him to get in so they could drive away.

The drive wasn’t long, mostly filled with a few road rage moments for Trevor along with small talk to fill the silence. They pulled up to the house that Trevor called home. He wished that Hatton had come a year ago, that way she could’ve experienced life with him and Jamie, but he was sure his friend would make an appearance at some point while Hatton was here.

“Wow, you’re house is really pretty,” Hatton commented while unbuckling and grabbing her backpack from the backseat. Trevor grabbed her suitcase and they made their way inside.

Trevor smiled, a blush rising onto his cheeks, as he shrugged his shoulders.

“I have a couple of extra rooms that you can choose from. You could always just room with me, though,” he smirked and threw her a wink.

“And there’s the Trevor I know,” Hatton chuckled as Trevor began to show her around the house. A part of her wanted to just stay in the same room as Trevor, but she’d be here for a week, so they would have plenty of time to make rooming changes if need be.

Trevor let Hatton unpack by herself, giving her some time to decompress on her own from traveling all day. He had planned for the first day to be less action packed so that the two would be rested for his game day tomorrow.

“Okay, I think I’m unpacked,” Hatton breathed a sigh of relief and plopped down on his couch, momentarily closing her eyes as she was realizing that it would just be him and her sleeping here for the entire week. It was never just the two of them, there was always somebody else with them, even if it was just Jack.

“So, I have some pretty cool things planned for the week, but I figured we take it easy today…that ok?” Trevor plopped down in a recliner beside the couch.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Hatton kicked her shoes off and tucked her feet beneath her, making herself more comfortable.

“Um, I know this conversation is just going to be awkward no matter when we have it, but seeing as you’re hear you saw my reasons why I think we could work out,” Trevor watched as Hatton nodded her head, urging him to continue with the conversation.

“Yeah, speaking of, where’s your dog?”

“He’s getting a bath. We can go pick him up in a little while. Back to what I was saying....I just feel like I need to say some things in person so we can just completely clear the air about how we feel about each other,” Trevor was just going to rip the bandaid off and get everything out of his system. He's had ample time to think about what to say to Hatton, but none of it sounded good enough now that she was sitting so close to him, just the two of them. He let his heart go on autopilot, deciding that may be the best way to go about this.

“You obviously know I like you. Like a lot. But, um," Trevor stuttered as he rubbed his arm, subconciously trying to ease the anxiety that seemed to peak when he tried to take about his feelings. That was something about Trevor that only a select few knew; Trevor loved attention, but he avoided showing his true feelings at all costs. He would rather just make everybody around him smile or laugh than let them in on how he feels.

"Hattie, you mean the world to me. You meant the world to me when I knew you couldn't stand me, and you mean the world to me now that you've traveled this far and you're sitting right here," The words were flowing from his mouth, reaching Hatton and wrapping around her heart like a ribbon on a gift.

Hatton could feel her cheeks go rosy, not caring if Trevor noticed or not. She listened to each word that left his lips as if they were a raft that could save her from drowning from confusion. Because that's what Hatton felt most of the time: confused. Why did he feel like this towards her? Could she really let herself be in a relationship with him? Let him see the most vulnerable parts of her that very few were lucky enough to know about?

"You told me I needed to figure out how to make a long distance relationship work, so that's what I've been doing. I've talked to some buddies that have been in a long distance relationship and they gave me some words of advice. Long distance can't, and won't, work if we both don't work on it. I can tell you when I'm free from practice and games so that we could FaceTime or text or something. I'm willing to pay for your travel when you come here, and I swear I will make time each month to come see you as well. Even if it's for short periods of time. I really want this with you. More than anything, more than the fucking Stanley Cup, Hatton," Trevor chuckled, but he was completely serious. If hockey didn't pay his bills, then he'd drop everything to be with her.

"You must want me lot," Hatton grinned, teasing him.

"You have no idea," Trevor sighed, returning her grin.

"Ok. You have to ask me to be your girlfriend, though," Hatton's upside down smile was plastered on her face as she watched Zegras process what she just said.

"Wha- so that's a yes?" He could hardly form words because of the excitement that was running rampant in his head. His heart was working overtime.

"Did you ask me?" Hatton raised her eyebrows inquisitively, waiting for him to ask her the question that would start their future.

"Hatton Carlisle, would you do the absolute honor of being my beautiful, loving, caring girlfriend," Trevor was being a bit dramatic, but he didn't care because it made Hatton giggle.

"I would love to, Trevor Zegras," Hatton smiled.

Trevor got up from the recliner he was in and walked the two steps it took to get to Hatton. He cupped her face in his hands, taking a few seconds to take in her features, and placed a passionate kiss on her lips. The kiss saying everything that Trevor might have left out when previously discussing his feelings for Hattie. Hatton's fingers immediately grasped for his hair, slightly pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Trevor took this as an opportunity to place himself between her legs, supporting his weight by placing one hand on the arm of the couch while the other was still cupping her cheek, his thumb caressing her smooth, rosy pink cheek.

Before things went too far, Trevor broke the kiss.

"We've got all week to show each other how much we like each other. We've got about 30 minutes to go pick up Louis," He chuckled, tucking a piece of Hatton's hair behind her ear.

The two loaded up into Trevor's car to go pick up Louis.

All that Hatton could think about was that Trevor wasn't just the annoying third wheel of her's and Jack's friendship anymore. He wasn't the one that pushed her buttons constantly, or made her question her sanity. He was her boyfriend.

Her phone ringing interrupted the comfortable silence in the car. Of course it was Jack.

"Bitch, did you not tell me you would call me when you got to Anaheim? I can't exactly help you when your literally on the other side of the country from me," Jack was yelling from somewhere off screen, but there was no way Trevor and Hatton couldn't hear him. His voice echoed all throughout his apartment.

"Sorry, bud. We've got some exciting news though," Hatton smiled.

As soon as she said that, Jack's face popped up on the phone, "Is my boyfriend there?"

"You mean my boyfriend?" Hatton smiled, knowing that Jack would have something to say about her statement.

"No fucking way..." Jack wore a grin as big as the sky, giving the Cheshire Cat a run for his money, "Let me see our boyfriend!"

"Jacky! My man, what's going on?" Trevor glanced at the phone before returning his attention on the road.

"It's about time. I'm telling Cole and Alex," And with that he hung up.

The two laughed, Trevor interlocking their hands. He couldn't believe that she actually agreed to be his girlfriend. It felt surreal, 3 years of pining after her and it all paid off.

"I'm glad you're here, Hatton," Trevor smiled.

"I'm glad I'm here too, Z," She gave his hand a squeeze. This week just might be one of the best weeks of their lives so far.

----

That night Hatton decided to sleep in a bed by herself, not quite comfortable with being completely vulnerable with Trevor quite yet. She tossed and turned all night long, replaying the day in her head over and over again. The sudden feelings she had developed for Trevor scared her, quite honestly. If she was capable of falling that hard that quickly, how much more control over her could Trevor have?

Before she knew it, the sun was peeking through a tiny sliver of the blackout curtains in her room. Like usual, there was no way she would be able to go back to sleep now. Her natural timer prohibited it. It made her feel a little better though when she heard a door open and the pitter patter of paws, followed along with what had to be Trevor's footsteps. She could hear him disarm the alarm system and open the back door.

Hatton decided that it would probably be rude of her to stay in bed all morning, so she stretched, tossing the covers off of her in the process. She put on a bra and brushed her teeth, but didn't bother doing anything else this early in the morning. If Trevor, for some odd reason, expected her to look like a model, he could suck it.

She put on a pair of slippers and made her way to the living room, quickly spotting Trevor sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs that circled a fire pit on the back porch, playing on his phone as Louis inspected the perimeter of the yard.

Before Hatton could even open the door, Louis somehow spotted her and began barking. Trevor quickly apologized as he picked him up and opened the back door for her.

"He's not aggressive, but he'll let me know when someone's here," Trevor chuckled as he scratched the dog behind the ears.

"No worries! When you're as cute as him you can get away with anything," Hatton gave the dog a pat on the head as she made herself comfortable on the couch that sat across from the chair that Trevor had previously been sitting in.

"Do you happen to have a coffee maker?" Hatton desperately needed caffeine. Now that she thought about it, she might have a caffeine addiction.

"I do not, actually. Jamie took it in the divorce," Trevor managed to say with a straight face, but furrowed eyebrows from Hatton gave away her confusion.

"Divorce?"

"Yeah, he moved out and had the balls to move down the street. He can be a bitch, but he's no threat to you," Trevor said so nonchalantly that Hatton couldn't tell if it was a joke or not.

"That's nice to know..." Hatton trailed off. The two sat enjoying the peace that the early morning exuded, watching Louis be Louis and occasionally mentioning something insignificant. A chill washed over Hatton, goosebumps quickly rising.

"So, I have a preseason game tonight, as you probably know. The game isn't until 5, but I do have a practice this morning if you want to tag along...," Trevor explained, hoping Hatton would want to come to the stadium.

"And what's in it for me?" Hatton was obviously going to support Trevor, but was it really Hatton if she didn't make him work for it?

"Well, that depends on what you're thinking of...if you want to go out to eat, there's plenty of places that will be open after the game. If you want to do something, Disney is literally like 5 minutes away and I have an off day tomorrow. If you're thinking a little alone time..." Trevor wiggled his eyebrows, but he was completely joking, unless Hatton wasn't. In that case he would definitely keep the offer on the table.

"Z, what if I actually said yes to the last option. What would you do?" Hatton chuckled as she spoke.

"Probably think somebody kidnapped the real Hattie and replaced her with whatever is sitting right here," Trevor rubbed the bottom of his chin, pretending to think about what he was saying.

"Disney tomorrow would be amazing," Hatton didn't even have to think about it. She adored Disney, the smell, the rides, it was one of her favorite things. She couldn't wait.

The two made their way inside to get dressed for the day, but not before a knock at Trevor's front door elicited a howl from Louis.

"I got it," Trevor announced, leaving Hatton alone in the kitchen while she poured a bowl of Lucky Charms.

She could hear somebody come through the front door, heading to the kitchen. Hattie could tell that Trevor was quietly chewing out whoever it was that he let in, but she couldn't quite make out what he was saying exactly.

"Trevor shut the fuck up. You never used this damn Keurig, anyway," A dark-haired, fair-skinned guy sat a black Keurig down on the counter adjacent to Hatton, not noticing there was a girl right next to him.

"Why do you even need-" As soon as the guy turned and caught a glimpse of Hatton, he knew exactly why Trevor blew his phone up asking about the stupid coffee maker.

"I think I might know who you are," Jamie sent an innocent smirk to the girl across from him.

"I think I might know who you are as well," Hatton giggled, connecting the dots as to the whole "divorce" thing that Trevor had mentioned.

"You must be the infamous Hattie. Trevor hasn't shut up about you for as long as I've known him," Jamie winked, chuckling when he saw Trevor giving him a death glare.

"You must be Trevor's ex in...some capacity. You didn't have to bring the coffee maker back. I could've run through Starbucks or Dunkin," Hatton rolled her eyes as she made eye contact with Trevor. He, in turn, shrugged his shoulders.

"It's no problem, I'll just make my morning coffee here and then we can carpool," Jamie popped in a coffee pod and started it for you.

"So how did Trevor mange to get you here? I thought you didn't like him..." Jamie waited patiently as the coffee poured into the mug he had placed underneath.

"She's my girlfriend now," Trevor interjected, immediately sending Hattie the biggest grin he could manage. He would never get tired of telling people that. He had worked hard to earn that title.

"Willingly? I don't normally judge people, but I'm judging a little bit," Jamie widened his eyes jokingly, causing Hatton to chuckle. He passed her the cup of coffee and began to make his.

"You know, I kinda feel the same way. He's a weirdo, but he's very convincing," Hatton could feel Trevor staring at her, but she just watched Jamie as he smiled.

"Yeah…you know I'm right here?" Trevor spoke up.

"Yeah, we know," Jamie nonchalantly said as he sipped his coffee.

Trevor rolled his eyes as he walked away towards his room to change into his outfit for the day, Hatton filing to her room shortly after to do the same.

As she ruffled through the articles of clothing that hung in the closet, she smiled. She was going into this week with an open mind and heart. No expectations, just experiences.

She was eager to see it all unfold.

#jack hughes #nhl imagine #trevor zegras #nhl fic #jack hughes imagines #quinn hughes #alex turcotte #cole caufield #nhl fanfiction #trevor zegras imagine #nhl x reader #trevor regras x reader #anaheim ducks #nico hischier #luke hughes #jamie drysdale #tz11 #@choppedlamphandscowboy

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kaiandels · 10 months

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VballPlayer!Ellie ♡ Cheerleader!Reader (Headcanon)

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

writer’s note: As a vball player, I am writing this as a manifestation. Amen. So I’m posting headcanons for now since i’m a lil bit busy with Uni. But I have 2 smuts that are in my drafts right now so get ready for that 😭

warnings: Mild swearing & sfw/nsfw ver

Not proofread never will

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵

✧*̥˚ sfw *̥˚✧

• Ellie was a volleyball player ever since she was a kid. She has always enjoyed playing the sport and it has always been her form of workout.

• Ellie had first saw you when she was trying out for the varsity team. She almost got hit on the face solely because she couldn’t stop staring at you. With your bright smile while you do your little stomps and jumps warmed her heart.

• Ellie had never missed a practice since. She wanted to see you everyday and she would rather break a limb than miss a day without seeing you.

• It had took her awhile before she had gained the courage to come up and talk to you. It would even get to the point that she would talk to herself, reciting the things she wanted to say but only coming up with-

• “Hi, you’re a cheerleader… right?�� Ellie said to you. You looked up at her in confusion, your hands literally gripping your pompoms as you wore the vibrant colors of your school cheerleading uniform.

• After that interaction, you bet that Ellie was screaming her head off in the girl’s varsity locker room.

• When Ellie confessed to you, she wore a white shirt with her school’s varsity jacket uniform. Scratching her head as she finally spoke the words “I like you, Y/N. A lot.”

• After a few months of dating, you would always attend her games/competitions and you would actually be one of the cheer team who would be performing whilst they play the game.

• “ELLIE BE CAREFUL” You screamed at the top of your lungs earning laughs from the other-half of the audience aswell as your girl friends.

• Ellie looking at you before she spikes the ball towards the opponents team giving that “this is for you” look. She only does that look when she knows she can ace the whole round. (She doesn’t want to get embarassed but to be honest.. when has she ever missed?)

• After the game, you always made it a routine to run up in to Ellie’s arms and she always seemed to lift you up with no struggle whatsoever. Ellie also likes to spin you around as she places kisses on to your cheeks. “Congratulations baby.” you mouthed.

• Whenever Ellie’s coach whistles at the team, you run up to her. Passing by her teammates as you bring her water and her towel. Wiping her sweat away for her. “Thank you baby” Ellie smiled as she leaned down to kiss your lips, earning an irritated groan from her teammates and her coach.

• I imagine that you and Ellie would take dates outside, simple but convenient for you both. Either in food stands or just taking a stroll outside. Ellie would definitely bring her ball to teach you how to receive or just serve but you would eventually whine at her and give up.

• “Ellieee please I don’t want to do this anymoree”

• “Y/n… I’m teaching you how to fold your hands… you haven’t even touched the ball yet.”

• Ellie looking at you in awe as she sees you practicing for your cheer. Ellie has always seemed to love it when you spin and jump around. She thinks that you’re so precious. “What are you looking at?” You giggled with a slight huff. “Keep dancing, I think you messed the 1st part up.” Ellie suggested. “Which one of the 1st part? there were many.” you raised your eyebrows as you wait for a response. “Uh.. just the whole 1st part. It was bad… horrible even.”

• “You just wanna see me dance don’t you?” “Heh… yeah…”

✧*̥˚ nsfw *̥˚✧

• Ellie always loved to fuck you in your cheerleading uniform. You always suggested that you both should take the whole thing off but what Ellie just wanted to do was lift your skirt up and take you right then and there.

• I just imagine everytime that when the dances get a little bit flattering, Ellie would poke the inside of her cheek with her tongue, calling you from the other side of the court (since that’s where you both practice) And she would always take you to the shower rooms and fingerfuck you until you’re shaking.

• “Fuck, my pretty little cheerleader so worked up for me huh? Did the splits loosen you up or is it just my cock?”

• You and Ellie almost got caught one time. You were both in the usual spot, the shower rooms. The water was running and her teammates voices could slowly be heard as they entered the shower room. Completely unaware of what’s happening inside. “Ellie! Bro, you here? Did you see what our coach did today? It was a fuckin’ spike error and he still gave the point to them.” Ellie groaned at the comment, her hand covering your mouth as she dug her strap deeper in to you. Your whines muffled. “Yeah, I know he’s a dick. Glad it wasn’t an… oh fuck- Official game though.” Ellie stuttered feeling her strap graze around her clit. “You okay bro?” Her teammates asks. Ellie doesn’t respond as she was focused on getting off, you tapped her hand telling her to respond but she just kept thrusting harder. Making it hard for you to contain your moans. “Fuck yeah…” Ellie moaned, catching the attention of her teammates. “Are you alright there?” Ellie groaned. Completely annoyed at the interaction. Ellie stopped answering as she heard the awkward murmurs of her teammates. It was easy to disregard for her as she was pussy-drunk from you the entire time. You leaned in to Ellie’s ear whispering rather “encouraging” words to her. “Y-you’re so good to me… Ahh fuck.. You fuck me so good. Please fuck my cum back in to me.” You giggled as you heard Ellie mutter curses under her breath.

• Ellie always had this strange thing with PDA… she can’t stop. She would always find a reason to touch your ass or give them a smack. Earning small laughters from her teammates.

• Something tells me that whenever Ellie had a bad game she would always result in to angry sex. “Fuck! Ellie please.. Be gentle. F-fuhuck… Ga- Ellie!” You babbled completely fucked out as Ellie kept pounding in to you. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do. Keep taking this dick and I might just be nice to you.”

• Something also tells me that whenever Ellie had a good game, this time it would be more of a “good job” or “victory” sex. Sounds corny. But feels too good. The praises, the gentleness, the soft kisses, it was completely different from the times when she lost. “You’re so good Ellie…” You moaned as your lips were on top of another, softly grazing but never kissing. You moaned in to her mouth as she softly grinded her hips against yours. “You’re so beautiful…” Ellie whispers, both of your breaths mixing together, creating a rather sensual atmosphere. “You’re doing so good… fuck” you whimpered.

• “Bend over. Let me see what you’re wearing underneath.”

• Ellie was ALWAYS perverted. Even though it was completely evident that it wasn’t her intention, she still fucking is. She would always fuck you after your cheer practices and after that keeps your panties in her pockets, never gave them back to you as she used them every night when she misses you.

• As an athlete, Ellie had an amazing body. And because of that, she would always send pictures of herself. Most preferably mirror shots so you could see everything. Her toned-chest, and the way she manspreads. You can see everything. And it’s fucking delicious.

•

#ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #the last of us #female reader #lesbian #tlou #tlou ellie #headcanons #lgbtqia #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #tlou2 #ellie smut #ellie the last of us

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weird-is-life · 1 year

Note

Hi Love! You Spencer fics give me life btw, Okay, so idk if you've seen NCIS,but there is this goth character named Abby and she is like a forensic scientist . I would love to see Spencer (maybe later seasons) having to work with a reader like Abby. Opposites attract kind of thing / love at first sight/mutual pining .

Hiii, thank u so much for this request. I am sooooooo sorry, that this took me like 2 months to write 😭I hope this isn't too bad (1k) warnings: talk of bombs, fluff

Sometimes you think, that Spencer likes you, like more than just a friend. It's always when you catch him staring lovesick at you or hear him giggle at your stupid science jokes. It makes your heart swell everytime.

But you stop daydreaming about this, when the reality sets in and you realise the big difference between the two of you. Like there's just no way Spencer likes you the way you like him.

You two are complete opposites. Well, that's not entirely true. You and Spencer share love for science and solving things, which is exactly why you are both at the FBI. But other than this, you don't think, that you have much in common.

Your thinking about Spencer is cut short, because there's a literal bomb being placed in front of you. The team is working on a local case. There's a very dangerous bomber, which they are trying to catch.

Your task is to analyse the bomb as best as you can, even the tiniest detail can help the team. It's not often you get to work with the team, especially this close, so you want to do good and not mess it up.

You put on your favourite band and closely study the bomb. As you bop your head to the blasting music, you write down everything that seams important, even the stuff that is not so important, down.

You work fast and in like 2 hours, you are done and happy with you analysis. You sent a text to Penelope, she is usually the one that comes for the papers and you like her, she is a total sweetheart everytime she comes to your lab.

You don't expect her to come right away, so you don't turn the music down even one bit. Honestly, a big mistake from your part.

It's not Penelope, who comes to grab the analysis papers and also it's not later, it's right away. Spencer was basically pushed towards the elevator to go to your lab by Penelope. Of course, she knows that you two fancy each other (she thinks you'll be the cutest couple) and she's decided, that she's going to get you together, whatever it takes. Even if it means dragging Spencer towards you.

Spencer finds your lab easily, he's been here too many times. But he's never heard the music playing so loud. You don't even hear the door opening or him coming inside. He only gets your attention when he carefully puts his hand on your shoulder as to not scare you, which goes totally the wrong way.

You flinch so hard and jump away from him instantly, that you almost fall on the floor, not to mention the curse words slipping out of your mouth.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Spencer worriedly apologises.

"Doctor Reid, you scared me," you say with a surprise, you definitely weren't expecting him here. You lower the volume of the music.

"I'm sorry, I called out your name, but I think it was too loud," he explains, stepping from one foot to another.

"It's okay, it's my fault. I put it way too loud. It's just...It's my favourite band," you grin sheepishly at him. Your pink blush in contrast with the black lipstick and eyeliner.

"Really? Have they been your favourite band for long now?" Spencer asks, giving you a small smile.

"Gosh, for so long, I don't even know. Maybe since I've discovered how much I love music," you must have been a kid then, when you found you passion for music, " what about you Dr. Reid, what's your favourite band?"

"Spencer, please call me Spencer," it's his turn to blush again, when he says it. You always call him dr. Reid and even if he knows you are joking, he prefers you calling him Spencer, " a-and I don't really have a favourite band or-or a song."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I just don't really know any music, maybe just some classical," he shrugs his shoulders, " I know, it's bad." He adds when he sees your wide eyes.

"Oh my god, this is actually a crime," you dramatically say, " I would gladly give you some recommendations, but I think time isn't on our side right now." You don't think Spencer would like your kind of taste of music, metal probably isn't his type, but you could definitely look something up for him.

Spencer would like that, like a lot. But yeah, he can't waste time by chatting with you, when there's a serial bomber in the streets.

He really wants to tho, I mean he wouldn't say no to spending time with you, maybe it would give him an actual chance with you. So with these kind of thoughts, he does something very, almost too brave.

"How about over a coffee?" he nervously blurts out and you don't quite know if you've heard right or your imagination is playing tricks on you.

"Over a coffee?"

"O-or tea, whatever you drink...."he adds, words stammering.

"Sure," you agree and give him the nicest smile you can do.

"R-really?" Spencer isn't expecting you to agree, he thinks, you are way out of his league, too pretty to even talk to him.

"Definitely, I'd love that," you reassure him and before you know it, these words escape your mouth, " it's a date, then."

Your dread goes away, when Spencer returns your shy smile and states," can't wait for it, I'll text you, yeah?" He starts to slowly back out of the lab.

"Okay," you giggle, because you realise, that he is forgetting the one thing he came here for, " don't you want the analysis of the bomb?"

"Ohhh," his cheeks go red again," right." He quickly comes back for it and heads for the door. At the door he looks at you for one last time and accidentally walks with his shoulder into the edge of the door.

You can't help but to giggle some more as he embarrassingly laughs and leaves your lab.

In your happy mood, you put the music back on and start thinking of the right songs for Spencer.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x fem!reader

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foxes-that-run · 7 months

Text

Perfect

Zayn said he wouldn’t buy the record when he heard Perfect (so salty!). Harry's emotions varied performing it in its short 27 performance run from Oct-Dec when 1D ended. These 2 stand out:

November 20 2015, rather than sing the Bridge Harry said to the crowd "if you think it's so funny you can sing it".

youtube

3 days later at the AMAs he rolls his eyes and looks ready to walk out, the camera cuts to a kid who seems to agree. (Bridge is 2:40).

It was only performed 6 more times, in Carpool Karaoke (10:30) Harry stops singing for parts and the song cuts before the bridge, at the Jingle ball he looks away and the last time was new years.

Or this concert he put the mike into the crowd, someone stole the microphone and licked it.

Safe to say he regretted that bridge, it's savage to them both.

Writers

Perfect ties with Fools Gold for the title of the Haylor song with the most writers, at 7. While Fools Gold has all 5 of the band, Bunetta and Ryan. Harry and Louis are the only band members who worked on Perfect with Bunetta, Ryan and 3 others:

Jesse Shatkin, (cowrote Sia's Chandelier)

Jacob Kasher (Maroon 5 collaborator), and

Mozella (cowrote Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball and Fools Gold.)

To me, Perfect has more media grabbing pop-song than Harry Styles. HS’s best 1D work was with teams of 3 or 4 writers. In fact, Bunetta said Olivia came out in 45 minutes while overworking another "less good" MITAM song.

Timeline

Bunetta also told Rolling Stone about Perfect:

"That one took a long time, just because it was written over a couple different continents. It started as one thing and ended up where it is."

MITAM was made in the summer of 2015. To have been written in a couple of continents and with USA based writers it was probably either side of the BBMAs. It could have been started 'as one thing' in April in South Africa before the BBMAs other songs that reference Style including Two Ghosts started early in the year. The "ended up where it is" with those writers would be after the BBMAs, when they got back to the USA from July. This would be at the end of the album and he was singing it daily within 3 months.

Similarity to Taylors songs

It has the same chord progressions as Style and is also very similar to out of the woods as this video on Twitter shows. He called it a love song in the made in the AM interview (6 mins) and that it wasn’t literal in another. I do love this James Cordon bit and I love his Taylor smile so much.

youtube

Lyrics

[Verse 1: Louis] I might never be your knight in shinin' armour I might never be the one you take home to mother And I might never be the one who brings you flowers But I can be the one, be the one tonight

Grapejuice, has the perfect (get it) call back to this verse, along with 'Red' and 'Pay for it' and I love him for it:

"I was on my way to buy some flowers for you (ooh) / Thought that we could hide away in a corner of the heath / There's never been someone who's so perfect for me / But I got over it and I said / "Give me somethin' old and red" / I pay for it more than I did back then"

[Pre-Chorus: Liam] When I first saw you from across the room I could tell that you were curious, oh, yeah Girl, I hope you're sure what you're looking for 'Cause I'm not good at making promises

Promises come up again in Woman "Promises are broken like a stitches is", which is interesting if both Woman and part of Perfect are written after the 2015 BBMAs.

‘Know what you are looking for’ is interesting. In "Say don't go" and the 1989 TV Vaults in general Taylor did not get what she was looking for. At 23, dating a 19 year old Taylor told us she didn’t get wavy she needed. Her most recent ex, JG was 29. (yes - JG was the age Harry is now! Imagine if he did that) So I kind of stand by this line.

The start refers to the night they met. Which neither has ever confirmed, I think it was in 2011 (see timeline) Many look at the coat he tries on in the music video, which matches both his Up All Night Tour outfit (from December 2011) and the 2012 Kids Choice Awards. The awards are fun though. The Up All Night DVD also has it.

[Verse 2: Niall] I might never be the hands you put your heart in Or the arms that hold you any time you want them But that don't mean that we can't live here in the moment 'Cause I can be the one you love from time to time

Urgh I choose to attribute 'love from time to time' to one of the 6 other people writing this. To me this line always sounds like a boy-band heartthrob priority playing out in the writers room. No wonder it took time and HS1 to overcome this.

However, this does speak to a theme of them not being available to each other because of their careers and 1D punishing schedule. If I could fly's "I'm missing half of me when we're apart" and Half the World Aways " So you're not my girlfriend / Don't pretend that makes us nothing / Tell me you don't miss this feeling" speaks more honestly to the interplay of his band image, schedules and priorities which Taylor referred to Suburban Legends.

[Chorus: Harry, All] But if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms And if you like having secret little rendezvous If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn't do Then, baby, I'm perfect Baby, I'm perfect for you And if you like midnight driving with the windows down And if you like goin' places we can't even pronounce If you like to do whatever you've been dreamin' about Then, baby, you're perfect Baby, you're perfect So let's start right now

Here are Haylor themes we know and love, Driving at midnight (Style, HYGTG, Wish You Would) generally going from a high schooler to superstar overnight (placed they can’t pronounce like Cannes), and hidden love/hiding (I Know Places, Slut!)

[Bridge: Harry] And if you like cameras flashin' every time we go out Oh, yeah And if you're looking for someone to write your breakup songs about Then baby, I'm perfect And baby, we're perfect

The camera’s flashing is good imagery and his voice brings to life how personally challenging it was for them both in a way I Know Places didn't with very few words. Taylor also refers to this imagery in Is it over now?

But the break up songs is a low blow and I assume the part he regretted to the point of not wanting to sing it. In a later interview Harry said:

“The only time you really think, ’is this song too personal?’ is if you think about, ‘is this going to be really annoying for the other person?’ Because I do [care],” he finished.

Which I think the break up song line would have been very annoying.

If you made it through that reward yourself with Grapejuice at Wembley 🍇

#one direction #harry styles #haylor #Youtube #one direction haylor

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mi-rae07 · 10 months

Text

Park Seonghwa : Memory (Part 1/4)

Pairing : Park Seonghwa (Ateez) and named character (Yoon Si-yeol)

______________________

Synopsis : Seonghwa is a terrible boyfriend to siyeol, to the point where she almost wants to leave him. But then she gets into a car accident, losing all her memories. What is seonghwa going to do now? Is he going to keep his distance? Or is he going to take her back?

______________________

Nurse : hello, is this Park Seonghwa?

Seonghwa : yes, yes it is. Is something wrong?

Nurse : do you perhaps know someone by the name of Yoon Si-yeol?

Seonghwa : she's my girlfriend. Did…something happen to her?

Nurse : she's gotten into a car accident, sir. If you'd like to see her, she's in Medical center hospital right now.

And that was all it had took for seonghwa to rush out of the house, driving his car in a speed he had never driven in before. He could care less about the laws that prohibited him from doing it.

And the more he drove, the more their memories flashed through his mind.

_______________

8 YEARS AGO:

Siyeol : uhm, hi. I'm supposing you do not know me-

Seonghwa : you're yoon siyeol, I know you. You literally sit next to me in class.

Siyeol : oh! Yes, uhm…do you maybe, wanna be friends, then?

Seonghwa : I don't really like you though?

Siyeol : o-oh, then it's-

Seonghwa : I'll still be your friend, because I'm bored.

________________

7 YEARS AGO:

Siyeol : seonghwa?

Seonghwa : yeah.

Siyeol : will you look at me for once?

Seonghwa : what is it, siyeol?

Siyeol : I love you.

Seonghwa : no you don't.

Siyeol : yes I do. I love you, and I want you to be my boyfriend.

Seonghwa : really.

Siyeol : I'm not kidding, hwa.

Seonghwa : fine then, whatever.

Siyeol : w-what?

Seonghwa : I said I'll be your boyfriend, siyeol.

Siyeol : but…do you love me, then?

Seonghwa : does it matter? I'm still your boyfriend, aren't I?

_______________

6 YEARS AGO:

Siyeol : seonghwa?

Seonghwa : what.

Siyeol : do you wanna go out for a date tonight?

Seonghwa : why, is there something special tonight?

Siyeol : you went for a business trip for 2 months and came back only a day ago, don't you think it's been a while since we spent time with each other?

Seonghwa : do we really have to go?

Siyeol : I-I mean, if you want-

Seonghwa : fine, let's just go tonight.

_______________

5 MONTHS AGO:

Siyeol : seonghwa, do you love me?

Seonghwa : we've been dating for 7 years.

Siyeol : and yet you still act as if I'm a burden to you. You're always so cold-

Seonghwa : if you're going to complain, do that after I'm asleep, please.

Siyeol : seonghwa.

Seonghwa : what do you want?

Siyeol : for you to say you love me.

Seonghwa : just go to sleep, siyeol.

Siyeol : hwa, please. I-

Seonghwa : stop begging and just let me sleep.

Siyeol : fine then, sleep.

________________

4 DAYS AGO:

Seonghwa : I love you, yeol-ah. I know I don't say any of this when you're awake but I love you. You mean the entire world to me and if anything happens to you, I'm going to burn the entire world down with me in it. I wish you would always stay next to me, and I wish you'd never stop loving me. Every day is a torture for me, but you make me want to endure it. And for that, I love you.

________________

3 HOURS AGO:

Siyeol : WHY WON'T YOU EVER EVEN LOOK AT ME, PARK SEONGHWA!

Seonghwa : god, you're too loud. I can hear you even if you don’t scream, siyeol.

Siyeol : you're being so fucking UNREAL.

Seonghwa : am I?

Siyeol : have you ever initiated anything? Ever said you loved me? Ever been anything to me but a cold ass monster?

Seonghwa : you see me as a monster?

Siyeol : even monsters are better than you, seonghwa. I never should have asked you to date me. In fact I never should have even talked to you.

Seonghwa : then correct yourself, go ahead. Leave me like I always knew you would.

Siyeol : that'd be so much more better than being here anyway. You're torture to me, seonghwa. A curse, even. Your love gives me nothing but unhappiness and despair. You're just a whole fucking nightmare.

_________________

Seonghwa opened the car door as he stepped out into the hospital area, running towards the entrance as tears ran down his cheeks. He tripped over a stone and fell down, bruising his hand and knees in the process. But he ignored the pain and ran towards the emergency room, the entire place blurry because of his tears. But even through all that he saw a nurse, quickly running up to her as he asked

Seonghwa : my…siyeol, yoon siyeol, is she…f-fine?

Nurse : oh yes, you're park seonghwa. She's uh, she's currently being operated. If I were to be truly honest, she was brought here in a pretty terrible condition, with her skull severely damaged, so her brain might've been affected. I do not really know whether she would make it out alive, and even if she does, there might be some complications. But we can still always be hopeful, sir.

Fuck that. Seonghwa rushed towards the emergency room, banging the door open with trembling hands. Again, he could care less about what he was and wasn't supposed to do.

The nurses and doctors inside looked at him with shocked eyes, some of them quickly rushing towards him and asking him to step out. But seonghwa could only stare at siyeol who was covered with a thousand bandages and switches, a part of her head torn open while a few doctors were trying to do something about it. He felt bile rise up to his throat as the workers finally pushed seonghwa outside, making him stumble on his steps as he fell down outside the emergency room with an exasperated sob.

The scene of siyeol lying in that bed with bruises ran through his mind, completely contrasting the usually smiley bubbly siyeol seonghwa was used to. He ran to the nearest trashcan, throwing up onto it as sobs wrecked his body. The harder he held onto the edge of the trashcan, the more blood seeped through the earlier cut on his palm, the blood running down the trashcan as seonghwa threw up onto it.

And the nurse could only watch as seonghwa pulled himself away from the trashcan a few minutes later, sliding down the wall as wails filled the hallway. She knew there was no use in trying to talk to him, not when he couldn't probably even form words anymore with how shattered he was.

And she thought, how much he loved her to be so miserable about her accident.

____________________

Si-hyun rushed into the hallway of the hospital his sister was in right now, tears in his eyes. And as soon as he saw the figure crouched down on the ground next to the emergency room, he walked up to him before pulling the man up by his collar.

Sihyun : you-

Sihyun cut himself off as seonghwa's teary blank eyes came into his view, the usual cold eyes now filled with absolutely nothing. But tears still continued streaming down seonghwa's eyes, as if he actually cared about sihyun's sister.

Sihyun : you're crying? After everything you did to my noona, you're fucking crying, you bastard?

Seonghwa didn't even flinch when he felt sihyun punch him in the face, seonghwa falling on the floor at the impact as he felt blood gush down his nose. But sihyun picked him up again, glaring at him through his teary eyes as he said

Sihyun : she loved you, and you destroyed her. You think there's any other reason she's in that room apart from you?

Seonghwa just continued staring right into sihyun's eyes with his blank ones, causing sihyun even more rage as he punched seonghwa again. This time, in the gut.

Seonghwa fell down once again from the hit, this time coughing hoarsely as he clutched his stomach in pain.

Sihyun : I always told her she deserved better, I always told noona you would never make her happy. But she never listened, she always kept telling me you would change some day, and give her the love and happiness she deserved. She was wrong, noona was so wrong and this is the price she must pay for being with a cursed being like you.

Seonghwa just laid on the floor with an emotionless face, taking in everything sihyun was telling him. Because he knew sihyun was right, he knew this was his fault. Maybe if siyeol had chosen someone other than him, she would've been happy now.

But instead she chose someone like him, and that was going to now cost her, her life.

___________________

2 weeks later :

Seonghwa climbed the railing of the hospital rooftop with shaky hands, his legs trembling from how less he had eaten this past week. How could he, when the doctors had told him siyeol had gone into coma, not knowing when or if she would ever wake up. It had been two weeks, and with the amount of things he had heard from both sihyun, siyeol's friends and seonghwa's own parents who all loved siyeol dearly, he believed that maybe if he took himself off of this world, siyeol would wake up.

And so seonghwa stared at the ground feets below him, knowing that if he jumped, he would definitely die. And that was what he wanted, if it meant siyeol's betterment. Ever since he had met siyeol, he had lived for her. And he wouldn't care dying for her either.

Seonghwa was just about to jump when he felt the door bang open, a gasp audible behind him.

??? : no! no no, sir! Please do not jump.

It was the nurse who had called up seonghwa that day to tell him about siyeol, and the only person who seemed to care the littlest at least about seonghwa now.

Nurse : sir, turn around please.

Seonghwa did not. In fact he just continued staring blankly into the ground, deciding to jump. That was until, the nurse uttered her next words

Nurse : the ma'am is awake now.

Seonghwa rushed into siyeol's room as soon as he could after that, the room being filled with doctors and sihyun, who was running his hand along his sister's hair as she stared at him.

Seonghwa : siyeol.

Both siyeol and sihyun turned around at that, sihyun's eyes betraying anger as he rushed towards seonghwa, trying to push him out of the room.

Sihyun : get out.

Seonghwa : no. no please, please sihyun just let me see her one more time.

Sihyun : you do not deserve that, park seonghwa.

Seonghwa sobbed, shaking his head as he whispered desperately

Seonghwa : please, please just-

Siyeol : hyun-ah, let him through.

Sihyun paused at his sister's words as he turned around to face siyeol, siyeol nodding her head in order to let seonghwa through. And so sihyun let go of him as seonghwa ran up to siyeol before falling on his knees beside her bed.

Seonghwa : siyeol, baby I-

Siyeol : who are you?

Seonghwa froze, his eyes widening at her words.

Seonghwa : s-siyeol?

Siyeol : oh wait, you're the guy who sits next to me in class. Park seonghwa, was it?

Seonghwa let out a shaky breath, moving away from siyeol. She didn't remember him, she…she had lost her memories.

Sihyun : yes he is, he's just a classmate of yours.

Siyeol : thank you for coming here though, I appreciate-

Siyeol cut herself off as seonghwa stood up, stumbling on his steps as tears fell from his eyes. He didn't know whether to feel happy she didn't remember him or sad. After all, seonghwa was terrible to siyeol, he was her curse. Wouldn't it be better if she didn't remember him so she could live a life apart from seonghwa?

Seonghwa turned away from siyeol and walked out of the room, tears cascading down his cheeks.

_____________________________

Siyeol : hyun-ah.

Sihyun : mm?

Siyeol : what's wrong with me?

Sihyun looked up at his sister who was now sitting up in her hospital bed, having lunch.

Sihyun : noona, what-

Siyeol : no, I know something is wrong with me. This isn't 2013, is it? It's 2023.

Sihyun sighed, deciding he should be the one to tell his sister the truth. She deserved to know.

Sihyun : you lost 10 years of your memories after an accident, noona.

Siyeol nodded, already having expected that.

Siyeol : do I have any chances of getting them back?

Sihyun : you do, it's just a 30% of happening though.

Siyeol : so I'm…28 years old now?

Sihyun : yeah, yes you're 28.

Siyeol : do I uh, have any children? Or a husband, boyfriend, anything?

Sihyun pressed his lips together, his mind going to seonghwa. He didn't like seonghwa, he never really had. But was it fair to siyeol to be lying to her? He didn't care anymore, it was better to avoid matters of seonghwa with her now.

Sihyun : no you don’t. you're still very painfully single, noona.

Siyeol whacked sihyun's arm, making him giggle as he motioned towards her food

Sihyun : eat well, my sister.

____________________________

A week later :

Seonghwa peeked into siyeol's room through the glass window on the door, trying to find her inside it. It was the 5th time he was doing something like this this week. He had kept mental notes of the time sihyun would leave siyeol to use the restroom at night and would use that time to stare at siyeol to make sure she was fine. He didn't have the courage to face her when she was awake anyway.

But today he couldn't find siyeol in her bed, in fact she was nowhere to be found. Seonghwa frowned and was about to enter the room in worry when a voice interrupted him

Siyeol : you're still here, seonghwa-shi?

Seonghwa flinched at the voice, stepping away as his eyes landed on siyeol who was standing a few meters away from him with folded hands.

Seonghwa : oh.

Siyeol : do I…did I mean something more to you than just a classmate? I'm aware I lost 10 years of my memory so, did something happen between us within those years?

Seonghwa's eyes immediately teared up at her words, his heart dropping as he realized siyeol was never probably going to remember him again. He didn't even exist to siyeol anymore.

But he was her curse, maybe it was better this way.

Seonghwa : nothing happened between us. We're…nothing.

Those words felt like a thousand needles stabbing him. But he didn't care, not if siyeol would get better for it. Siyeol nodded, stepping forward. But as soon as she did, seonghwa stepped back, his hands clenched behind his back.

She pretended not to see it.

Siyeol : well then, let's be friends from now, seonghwa.

Seonghwa's eyes widened, not having expected her to say that.

Seonghwa : wh-what?

Siyeol : do you not wanna be my friend? I wish to be your friend, though. Because with the memory I do have right now, I remember you as the handsome charismatic boy who always scored top marks and was envied on by everyone in college. Have you changed much?

Seonghwa held his tears from falling down, not being able to form the right words. Siyeol sighed, shaking her head as she asked

Siyeol : what do you work as now?

Seonghwa lowered his eyes to the floor, saying in a low voice

Seonghwa : senior bio-medical engineer. I…own a bio-medical company.

Siyeol : wow, that's really cool then. I have no idea what job I would've gotten myself-

Seonghwa : data scientist.

Siyeol : what?

Seonghwa : you're a data scientist.

Siyeol : o-oh. Oh, okay. That's…fine enough I suppose.

Seonghwa nodded, stepping back as he said

Seonghwa : I must leave now.

Seonghwa was about to turn around when he felt siyeol holding his arm, looking up at him. Her touch burned through him as it always did, except this time it was painful.

Seonghwa : siyeol-

Siyeol : let me be your friend.

Seonghwa stared at siyeol, his heart thumping against his chest. This was happening all over again.

Seonghwa : you…you can't.

Siyeol : I can and I want to. I've lost 10 years of my memory, seonghwa, and I want you to guide me through this new world until I'm familiar with it once again. Can't you do that for me?

Seonghwa : I'm not the right person for this.

Siyeol : yes you are. Since you and I are only just classmates even now, I want you to do this for me. Please?

Seonghwa stared at the same eyes he had always adored, the same eyes that belonged to the one person he could do anything for.

Seonghwa : o-okay.

____________________

Seonghwa stood outside siyeol's house, thinking the same thing over and over again, bad idea. Once siyeol was ready to be discharged from the hospital sihyun had asked…ordered, seonghwa to bring all of siyeol's things back into her old house where she used to live with sihyun back in college. Except now sihyun lived a few blocks away from siyeol's house since he was now a busy doctor, so siyeol lived alone.

Which was also why she had asked seonghwa to come by her house today, to take her out in order to see the newly made building and sites that had happened between 2013 and 2023, which was quite a lot. But he figured he could start today and take his time with showing her.

Seonghwa was about to step forward and ring the doorbell when he felt someone push him away from the door with a glare. Oh no.

Sihyun : what the fuck are you doing here?

Seonghwa : I…siyeol-

Sihyun : don't you dare utter her name after what you did to her, you bastard. You destroyed her.

Seonghwa bit his lips, looking away to the floor. He was supposed to not cry today.

Sihyun : did you forget that, seonghwa? Did you forget you're not supposed to so much as even talk to my noona anymore? Am I supposed to keep fucking remind you?

Siyeol : hyun-ah.

Sihyun paused, looking forward as his eyes landed on siyeol who was standing a few meters away from them with confused eyes. She never understood why her younger brother was so against seonghwa.

Siyeol : let go of seonghwa.

Sihyun : noona-

Siyeol : I asked him to show me around, that's why he's here, sihyun. So let him go.

Sihyun let seonghwa go harshly as he said

Sihyun : I could've done that for you.

Siyeol : except you have work.

Sihyun : so does he!

Siyeol : he does not. He gets a holiday on Sundays. While you're a doctor, so leave us and take care of your patients instead, brother.

Sihyun looked between seonghwa and siyeol, feeling the need to stop them. This cannot happen again, because why the hell was siyeol still being with seonghwa despite getting all her memories with him wiped away. Why did she keep choosing someone like him when there were so many other people.

But it wasn't like she was going to listen to him, was it? She never would.

Sihyun : do whatever you want then, noona. But if something happens to you once again, I'm going to end this man.

___________________________

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freetheshit-outofyou · 8 months

Text

Gather around, take a knee, it’s real talk time. I have two online lives, Facebook where my family and those I Served with see what is happening in my day to day life. Nothing super exciting, roses growing, kids growing, my relationships growing. Births, Deaths and the like. Then there is Tumblr, where I can run a political rant right next to crime stories right next to puppies next to a pile of AK47’s and how I feel about all of it. I post a metric shit ton of firearms images and information and now and then sprinkle in some beautiful women and of course Jeep Life. I also try to keep it positive, there is enough hate in the world to go around, to quote Martin Luther King Jr.; “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”.For some time I have been asked to donate some time to Veteran’s and First Responders through a Veteran’s organization I work with. Several months ago I was asked to moderate a recurring group for male Veteran’s and First Responders who have been victims of abuse. My degrees are not in mental health or counseling so I did not understand how I could help. It took some time to get it all lined up but 3 weeks ago we had our first group and it went amazingly. The group was made up of 5 Veterans, 1 LEO, and 1 EMT, all have suffered at the hands of their partner through physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, discriminatory abuse etc. This coming Monday we will have two new members. Part of the reason I was asked to be part of this is my ex-wife was emotionally and physically abusive, the final straw was when she stabbed me and prior to the police arriving she intentionally jumped into a standing vanity mirror causing a number of superficial cuts to herself. When the police arrived she claimed I had pushed her into the mirror. Little did she know I had put “Nanny cam’s” throughout the house 2 month earlier and had been keeping all of it, it’s literally the only thing that kept me from going to jail that night. It also played part of my hand. I was in the Army, I was an LEO, I am a man in a society that thinks men have to take what is put on them and “WE” as men often buy into it, that ended for me the night I was stabbed. Being handed the Domestic abuse pamphlets and information for abuse shelters in the area broke me off hard. It was like the years and years of me handing those same type of pamphlets to abuse victims had come full circle, that was 2002. Each man in that group came in with their own story of how they found themselves there, everyone of them was a case study in abuse. Each story was told by a man who tried to hide what was happening to them, tried to rationalize what was happening, tried saying it won’t happen again, and repeated the cycle of lying to themselves with each new abuse. This next session will be about how societies views of how a man should handle himself is in direct conflict with their mental and physical health when it comes to abuse and reporting abuse. Up until a few years ago men were told they needed to be strong, be the defender, be the provider, take the burden of pain and hardship to allow those we love and care for to live in a well provided and protected environment, but there was no way for men to recover, no respite. Men were just to take all this with no way to voice it, express it, exposes it and get it off our shoulders.

This is going to be from my perspective in the Army where this started for me. You could not talk about it with “the guys” because it just turned into a bunch of “stop being a pussy”, “don’t be such a fag about it.”, “what ever dude, it’s not that bad.”, or my favorite “Handle your shit at home, we don’t want to know about it here.” Nothing like support from the people you spend most of your time with. When you took it to your command they ALWAYS talked it down, stabbed at your pride and your masculinity to belittle you into not seeking help. “It’s just a phase, you all will be fine.” I volunteered for deployments just so we could have more honeymoon phase and less fighting, only to find out “Jody” was doing the horizontal tango at my house while I was gone. I took a months leave so we could get counseling to try to fix this goat rope of a relationship. We made it through two appointments before she stopped and said “See, he said this is all your fault.” He, the counselor, actually said that. I also think this is about the time she hatched her plan to take me for as much as possible and the wheels were put in motion. She started calling my folks telling them I was beating her, that I was threatening here with guns and knives. She would call my boss saying the same things, I was relived of duties, placed in counseling with Army shrinks. I was put in a group with other soldiers who were doing court ordered counseling as a diversion to JAIL. One E-8 was their for sexually assaulting his 17 yo daughter another beat his wife into a fucking coma. I’m like why the fuck am I here for doing nothing and why aren’t these fuckers in pre-trial confinement, but that’s the knee jerk reaction of the Army. Several months prior to being stabbed holes started to form in her story and her accusations. She called my boss at the time screaming that she was locked in a closet and that I had a shotgun and was going to kill her. They only thing was, I was in his office receiving a counseling for a different call she had made days earlier. I think the topper was when she filed a CPS report saying she saw me abusing our then 18 month old son. She literally looked me in the face while walking into the family court room and said “You’ll never see your kids again and I’m taking all your money.” Little did we know it was all recorded, that was both good and bad because now CPS wanted a full investigation of both of us and we lost both our kids for 3 months. She dialed way back after that when it came to the kids. This whole buttfucking is why I was asked to moderate the group and the men seemed to respond to the fact that I have also been there and had to weather it all basically alone just like them. Guys can be and are abused every day. The very first domestic I worked was a skinny black guy who had got his ass handed to him by his very big Samoan wife. When I say big, I mean had to interlock 2 sets of hand irons just to get her hands behind her back. It also took Shea, my partner picking up a couch and pushing her against a wall with it for 4 of use to cuff her. Men, there are resources out there for you. Men, you don’t have to be abused. Men, you can have a life free of abuse and your abuser.

#me #stop the abuse #you don't have to take it #men are abused too

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harapeveco · 8 months

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ik no one asked me but personally i feel like the ONLY reason why the light novels even exist is because eve originally wanted to shift focus off of rei and onto tobi in knk but didnt know how to do it properly without like messing up the story or something ( even though i am fully convinced eve does NOT have this stuff written down and is literally just making it up as he goes ) so he just decided to write a spinoff series instead thats basically like an oc insert au fanfiction for knk,,,

this is not to make fun of eve though i PROMISE,,, i feel like hes just like a little kid showing off his first ever oc hes made that hes totally obsessed with and were all just the parents and family members that just need to nod and go along with whatever hes talking about / aff / lh

Oks so first of all dw bestie I know you are not making fun of him I know you are voicing your opinion and I think you are right actually he’s showing off his angsty emo OC kdkekdkkd

Now the truth is idk about enough about the manga or light novel industry so I honestly can’t say how the novels came to be tho what you say may be right. To me it feels more like he wanted to do more with Tobi and expand more on him in knk but bc knk has a story that has to be followed there are some restraints of what he can show and where can he show it so yeh it would make sense to make a spinoff or a different series that can get into that. Like I said idk enough about the manga/light novel industry but I believe it’s cheaper to write them in novels rather than a manga so ig he had the opportunity and took it y’know?

As for the feeling of “Eve going along with whatever at this point” I agree completely with you bc i remember when the manga was first announced (yeh im that old I saw this shit come out) it was promoted to be a manga with Mah characters that’s why the Mah characters even appear in the first cover…this is speculation but I feel like they were supposed to appear earlier or something but were pushed aside in favor of Tobi THO it’s kinda complicated to say bc rereading Nagi’s arc i noticed that, even if there’s some inconsistencies in it, it feels like there was some planning and feels for the most part cohesive. I remember I complained a lot back in the day about it bc it didn’t make sense but now that the arc is completed it does! The current arc tho….I’m not so sure like it makes sense too for the most part but so far so many things are left unexplained that it makes me wonder if he really wrote down at least some of it or if he texts Newo at 2 am to tell them the idea he had so they can draw it 😭😭😭

The time line is kinda messed up to me it’s been 3 years after all so if someone can help I would appreciate it very much, anyway my theory is that yeh Mah characters were meant to appear earlier and that Tobi was actually meant to be a character early on too but just got way more popular than Eve expected. Going back to the time line knk was released on April 15th 2020 and Tobi appeared a month later on May 15th 2020 HOWEVER the int MV came out exactly 7 days after that chapter on May 22nd 2020…so like I said I could have the time line messed up bc it’s been years but like i remember that chapter coming out and me and a lot of people being excited about him appearing but technically his MV wasn’t out yet like I feel we all knew him and that so I wonder if it was bc around that time Eve started to promote him a lot? I know that the reason why int even exists is bc Mariyasu made a mini MV of the song I think and people liked it so much both them and Eve went with it but yeh…just wanted to point this out bc if it was popularity based if they put him bc the MV was insanely popular then it would make more sense that the character of the MV came before the one in the manga and that the MV’s influence put him there but he came before??? Idk besties if someone can help me with this one…

Anyway yeh I just feel like Tobi got too popular and was the one appearing in fanarts, official arts, merch and all that stuff and with time Eve just…probably started seeing him in a different light and started caring for him more. Like I said idk anything about the manga industry but I also think that when it comes to Rei it has to be harder to do something with him bc I assume the magazine has some ownership over him I feel Eve can’t use him as freely but that also wouldn’t explain the Tobi case bc even after knk and the int novels came out that could put some restraints on his usage he still was marketed as he always has been so…I really don’t know all I know is that most we have on Rei that is not knk is a few promotional drawings made for the magazine and that one drawing Taiga did for the app that was just dropped there and disappeared into the ether when the app died

It’s really sad bc Rei as a character has potential…we could had a soft boyo that the more he learns about his missing memories and the more fucked up things he experiences the more he changes as a person and the more he loses himself. The very famous phrase “find me before I eat myself” from int I always interpreted it as “find me before I lose myself” and like idk how to explain it but it fits not only Tobi but Rei too???? Like it works???? The fact that his memories are fucked up and his past is fucked up and everyone he loves is getting fucked up is perfect to use in this concept and Eve is not doing anything with it. Like literally Rei has no personality other than being friends with Yukito, not knowing shit about anything and lowkey not liking Tobi that much and like that’s all I can think about him and it frustrates me! He can be more! He can do more! But no! It’s just Tobi! It’s only Tobi!

Anyway I won’t make this any more longer I think I ranted enough so yeh you are completely right anon he just likes his angsty emo OC a lot and we’ll have to nod and go along with it

#answered ask #damn I went off im so sorry #i just have many thoughts #and it’s frustrating bc my English is limited and I can’t really express most of them #but you get the idea

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minusgangtime · 3 months

Note

Apocalypse bios:

“I am no pretty princess..”

Ella

Status: healthy/dirty

Behavior:insecure

Info: for the most part,she’s managed to avoid the infected,even when she went outside,however,one day,she got attacked by a corrupted infected,it resulted in them grabbing her crown and shattering it on her head. She wears a bandage on her head,she has some minor head trauma and it can cause her to forget things easily,she never bothered to ask for another crown cause she didn’t wanna bother anyone,so she just accepted the fact she needed to “grow up” her dress is still torn up and dirty from when she escaped.

“DONT COME NEAR ME!..”

Leo

Status: infected (corruption: second stage)/docile

Behavior: paranoid

Like his sister,he was able to avoid the infections for a while,however,when Ella got attacked,Leo did too,unfortunately,he got scratched on his face under his hair,and but on his arm. The infected got Leo to the 2nd stage infected before the siblings escaped. Leo now only resides in his room,only coming out for food before taking it too his room. He only talks to others through papers he slides under his door and refuses to let anyone in,not wanting to danger or threaten anyone..

“Do my sibwings not wove me anymore?..”

Elly

Status: healthy/docile

Behavior: very sad

Info: elly in her early days of the apocalypse spent most of her time with her siblings or the other kids,even when her fellow kids got infected,she tried being optimistic,however,after Ella and Leo got attacked,they thought the best thing for her was for her to stay with the kids full time,so they stopped letting her near them,despite the letters they gave her,she was very confused and sad,not knowing what they meant,to this day she cries daily,thinking her family doesn’t love her anymore,and so,she has gained fleshy/reddish eye bags.

“Don’t worry,I know what I’m doing.”

Lapis

Status: healthy/docile

Behavior: average

Info: lapis,ever since she began helping gather food and supplies,has been GREAT at her new role,she’s excellent at sticking to the shadows and avoiding infected,even when she’s forced to fight,she uses her legs to kick them away before using her cat like agility to leap to safety. Behavior wise,she hasn’t changed at all,probably one of the only mentally stable members of the kitty crew,being able to stay organized and calm,even when put into a corner,literally and figuratively.

“I may have one eye,but it sees through all your bullshit.”

Zack

Status: healthy/hostile

Behavior: sarcastic

Info: much like lapis,he didn’t do much for months,but when he did,he proved scarily good at his job. He took charge of defending against infected,whether it was with guns,knives or even his beat fists,he was really good and pushing against infected. When dealing with infected,he shared 0 remorse,the opposite is the case with his family,thanks to the fact that “people that cannot be trusted” is plain to see,when not fighting,he tries to get close to his family,although he can come across as a bit sarcastic at times,the love he feels is genuine,even towards his family who were infected,he’s the one who remained all the zombie infected to take their magic shots so their infection doesn’t get worse,ESPECIALLY herb.

“I feel..so weak..”

Emerald

Status: infected (zombie infection: stage 2) docile

Behavior: depressed

Info: sometime after herb got her magic shot,emerald went out to get her some support flowers,however,going alone was a grave mistake. He came back with the flowers,and a bite mark on the back of his neck..he had been bitten by a zombie thanks to him not being able to use his crutches fast enough..he got the magic shot and he uses it daily,he never uses his crutches anymore cause he doesn’t feel like going anywhere anymore,he just stays in his room all the time,in a constant state of being so hungry,but not wanting to say anything..

“Firing in the hole!”

Xavier

Status: healthy/docile

Behavior: focused

Info: Xavier spent most of his time in the apocalypse observing the infected and their behaviors,he eventually entered the battle scene as backup after he requested shelby and lavender make him a arm canon,his canon shooks magical blasts but took a few seconds to charge,that’s why he’s backup,he helps out with battles but to him,it’s too much of a risk to be in the front line. He usually eats and drinks much more to TRY to keep his body healthy,like lapis,he’s one of the only mentally stable members of the kitty crew.

-mod shelby

(More bios yay :v)

#mod speaks

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neo-neos · 2 years

Text

My BL journey so far

Okay kids gather round, get comfortable. This is a long one.

Disclaimer/background info: I started watching BL about a month ago-ish. I don't remember the exact date but I believe I started last month or maybe the end of the month before. So I am still a bit of a noob and trying to catch up with watching things. I am also a very chaotic person which you will probably find out by the way this is structured/written. Lastly, even though I do study/teach English for a living, it is not my first language.

Okay with that out of the way, let's dive in.

Backstory/introduction

Like any good story I feel like a bit of backstory/intro might be a good idea. Hi, on the internet I mostly go by the nickname Peach, however I created this blog when I got into BL and have adopted yet another fruit as a new nickname for this side of my personality/identity which is Lychee. I don't really mind which one you use. I'm 24 years old and I am Dutch (the Netherlands). As mentioned in the disclaimer I teach English but I am also still a student, I plan on studying more after this because I love learning new things and especially about languages and cultures. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community myself and mostly identify as Bisexual or Pansexual. I use she/her pronouns. When I was about... 13-14 ish I rolled into the K-pop fandom. I used to listen to bands like SHINee, Super Junior, EXO, BAP, Infinite, Girls Generation, 2ne1, Block B... I was a real fangirl if you ask me HAHA. In this time I also watched a Kdrama or two here and there. Favorites being: Heartstrings and Shut up flower boy band. (I was never too into Kdrama back then). I also used Tumblr back then, I have a literal 12 year old tumblr account with almost 50K posts that I used during my K-pop times. I stopped using tumblr quite a while ago too but that blog is still there. I would reblog gifs and pics and what not about my biases and ships. But as interests do sometimes, it faded into the background and I fully stopped keeping up and listening to K-pop. It has literally been 10 years now.

But then...

One random afternoon I was bored at home and wanted to watch something new. I randomly realized Kdramas existed and so my journey to find one began. I stumbled upon Semantic Error and almost by accident decided to read the little description and the tags that were with it. My eyebrows furrowed for a minute before I could feel my eyes widen: "WAIT THE TWO BOYS... IT'S... GAY???" I could almost not believe what I saw. Obviously back in my K-pop times every band had ships and pairings you fangirled over, Baekyeol or ChanBaek, 2Min, JongKey... You know what I mean...You fangirled over every random moment they were together but that was as far as that went. So you could maybe imagine my excitement when I realized that Korea has come far enough to actually make BL shows now. So without further thoughts I watched Semantic Error. And because it was the first BL I saw I fell in love with it, the story was good, the acting was good, the fluff was to die for. An all round great experience to start off with.

Little did I know...

After this experience I was obviously hungry for more. So, I turned to the internet to tell me where they had been hiding this secret stash of everything I ever wanted in Kdrama... And boy was I surprised with the results. This was the moment I found out that not only Korea but also Japan, Thailand, Taiwan and China made BL shows... And not just 1 or 2... The choices were endless. My journey continued with (either... I kinda forgor...) Don't say no and Love by Chance. This was my first experience with NC scenes too. I had no idea that Thailand already took the step to also go into a little more 18+ when it comes to BL and to be fair... I was kind of excited about it. Now that I have seen more BLs I guess you could argue that neither Don't say no and Love by Chance are the best BLs ever made but at the time I was completely hooked on them.

And so began...

An insane marathon sprint. By this time I wanted more more more and that's what I consumed. I watched some more Kbl, some Japanese BL and some more Thai BL's as well. Until I hit KinnPorsche and that's when I realized how hooked I actually was on this new comfort genre I had just discovered. KinnPorsche allowed me to put the shows I had watched for far into perspective. Most BLs have the university students falling in love drama vibe... KinnPorsche was something completely different and boy did I fall in love, and hard too. This show quite honestly changed a lot of things for me. I went from 'I'm just casually watching these shows' to 'Oh I might be a little obsessed now' and after finishing KP I realized I wanted even more and I could no longer deny that I was becoming a part of the BL fandom.

So where we are now...

In the past month I have spent every free second of my day watching shows. Binging one after the other. I was lucky to have a week off during this time too and I have managed to COMPLETE 32 BLs between then and now. 5 currently watching shows I try and keep up with and a TO WATCH list of 40+ shows. (aka: obsessed much?)

In the meantime I have made a BL twitter and a BL tumblr (this one) to find out more about the BLs I watched or am watching currently, but also to keep up with new ones coming out. I have realized that because of how badly I want to keep up with things I SUCK at remembering names. If the show did not leave a big impression on me I can also easily forget the whole storyline of some. This in addition to people talking about ship names but also IRL ship names using actors real names makes it quite hard to keep up sometimes.

The community...

I also made these accounts in the hopes to interact with the community. This part has been quite a challenge for me. I have never been the most extraverted person (both irl and online) but I am one of those people that is almost desperate to make friends (that sounds a bit sad but hear me out.) I love talking to people (< but you said you're introvert.. I know again, hear me out) but I have absolutely no idea how to behave in order to make friends. I am often too shy to interact with people so I just kind of pull myself back and hope someone reaches out first. As soon as they do there's a good chance I will latch onto them without mercy. I have realized that I am afraid I do not fit in sometimes within this community (mostly on twitter to be honest) I see a lot of very knowledgeable people when it comes to BL shows and I am too afraid to interact. Here on tumblr and twitter I also (after literally 10 years) realize how talented people are when it comes to making gifs, edits and translations. Something I did not really think much about when I was using Tumblr 10 years ago. I have so much admiration for what people make but at the same time I feel like being a cheerleader from the sidelines by reblogging/retweeting I cannot match up to them too. Now I am obviously very new to BL and the community and I have actually met some lovely people already. I guess I just want too much too fast haha!

BL as a whole... (Disclaimer: The things I talk about are not just directed at BL alone, the issues I list are VERY MUCH also alive in Hetero shows and I would like to see change there too. But to keep on the topic of BL I list them here with my reasoning)

Realizing how far these countries have come when it comes to even making shows about LGBTQ+ is an awesome thing to see. Like I said before I come from the time where all I could really do is ship two band members together and fangirl over them sitting next to each other basically. I am part of the LGBTQ+ community myself and I live in a country is supposed to be very accepting so it is nice to see the steps different cultures are taking as well. However I do feel we are not there yet in the way they portray things. Consent (this is obviously not only a BL problem) has been a bit of an issue for me in some shows. Power dynamics - My main issue show for this one was Cutie Pie (not very sure how to elaborate further) NC scenes - Still being quite unrealistic sometimes, you really cannot tell me that bottoming is something you do without preparation of any sort. Only gay for xxx -> Straight but gay for this one man is not exactly how sexuality works. I feel like it might kind of give off the wrong idea as well. I do see that some of these trends are turning to the right direction (Between Us being a good example for consent for example)

Now I obviously know that these are fictional stories so please don't come for my throat over this. I am just listing a few things I have noticed in my journey.

The shows...

Now I would like to use this last little section here to mention and give my thoughts (positive and negative) about some shows I have seen. Let's start with the good shall we.

KinnPorsche -> I have mentioned this show before but I would like to do it again. I fell in love with this show, the actors are amazing, the storyline is great, the chemistry between the couples, the diversity in the storyline, the humor, the serious moments... It has so much and the casting they did for this show is a legit 10/10 Apo is such an amazing actor, Mile is his perfect match for the role and don't even get me started on the rest of the cast I would probably pull up an entire powerpoint presentation.

Life-Love on the line -> Is a Japanese BL that I related to quite a lot. The entire story of how two boys fall in love and grow up together, one becoming more serious while the other stays quite 'childlike' hit me right in the feels (I don't want to spoil things) It was such a beautiful story to be fair.

Semantic Error -> My first BL and what a great start to have to be honest. Need I say more?

Bad Buddy -> I loved this one because of the storyline and the awesome chemistry between the characters. It showed an amazing story of how sometimes you need to put your prejudice thoughts aside to find something beautiful.

Blueming -> The way this story unfolds made me fall even deeper in love with Kbls to be honest. The way this was filmed was just so beautiful.

Roommates of Poongduck -> I was a little hesitant in the beginning of this one. The storyline description did not grab my attention and after seeing how KBL is often focused more on the story than on the passionate kisses for instance it took me a moment to get into it. But we have all seen the kissing scene (that they robbed us of to be fair) and the chemistry between the characters had me sobbing while having the biggest grin on my face.

I told sunset about you -> When I got a little deeper into my research the name of this BL kept popping up everywhere and it obviously got me curious. Boy oh boy this was such a beautiful story I cannot even begin to explain. The exploration of sexuality, gender, love and friendship in this one... Ugh ugh ugh.

Not me -> A masterpiece. The themes, the storyline. They touch upon heavy topics while also maintaining an entertaining series. It's so good.

Love in the air -> Okay so, MOST of the shows above have a lot of deeper messages or storylines and love in the air might feel out of place. WRONG. Sky's storyline shows quite a bit of deeper meaning and I think it was done really well. The other part of why I like this show is because of the actors. They really did such an amazing job with this one and I cannot wait to see more of them.

ChocoMilkShake -> (up until last ep) this was my comfort show. I kind of ignored the dark side of them leaving and just focused on all the cute stuff but I just love it. They better give me a happy ending though!

Between Us -> I have seen UWMA and I must say that although the story was very very beautiful and touching and heavy... I did not vibe with the insane drama as much as I would have hoped. I did however enjoy the WinTeam moments quite a bit. And then BOOM Between Us happened and I am having a blast with this one. Consent being a big plus. The storyline is good, there has not been (knock on wood) unnecessary drama (I was afraid this would happen with the overhearing half a conversation thing they were giving us but I am SO happy to see it was done in a mature way). I love it.

And now for some shows I would like to give a tiny piece of my mind. DISCLAIMER: These are opinions you can ignore, I am not shitting on actors whatsoever, this is mostly targeted towards writing/storyline. THE ACTORS DID NOTHING WRONG!! I am okay with people asking questions about it though (: I also do not JUST shit on the shows I talk about here, I point out some things and also say what I DID like about it

Lovely writer -> This show holds a scene that I find THE MOST frustrating one I have seen so far. "Let me explain" -Silence- "I can explain" -Silence- "Wait don't leave" -Silence-.... If you have seen the show you probably know what I'm referring to. This is what I mean with unnecessary drama. Characters being angry at each other for longer than needed or for a reason that does not make sense. The rest of the show was okay. I don't hate the show but it frustrated me more than that I enjoyed it.

Big Dragon -> The first episode had me screaming. The NC scene, the open kink representation on this one made me so excited. It felt like the next step towards representation for kinks within the genre... And then that slowly died off. The scene where Yai is with the girl that (I suppose) normally helps him with his kink and then the bathroom scene where Mangkorn orders Yai around were 10/10 too but then it was gone and we were back to quite the normal BL plotline again which I found very sad. In the later episodes I also missed the chemistry between Yai and Mangkorn. I fucking LOVE MosBank together like... They are legit amazing actors and I would love to see them again in something different. I am just a little disappointed in the storyline progression.

Cutie pie -> The power dynamic in this show was not really my style. The controlling BF type deal was a bit hard to watch at times. and I KNOW that this entire show is about breaking free of that but the fact that there it is needed in the first place and the lying and secrets.. it was all a bit much for me. However the casting was really good. The chemistry between the characters/actors is awesome and everyone played their role really well!

To my star -> NOW BEFORE YOU BEHEAD ME, HEAR ME OUT. I love this show. I actually love this show. It is really good. But there are some small things that made me frustrated sometimes. Talking about feelings is hard and I do get that 110% but it sometimes felt quite frustrating and left me with a little bit of a bad feeling. I really hope that this show teaches people that you can only really move forward by talking about your feelings instead of running away from them.

Together with me -> The controlling, dramatic, witch female role. Now again, hear me out. The show is great! The chemistry is there, the acting is 10/10 the casting is 10/10 but it has an element I would like to discuss that I have seen in multiple BLs as well. Now I get that the girl is mad, right. Her BF literally cheats on her (shame on u) but the entire master plan the girls come up with like... damn girls... That's all I really have to say about it. Not all women become murderous, petty witches.

TharnType -> From homophobic to being almost assaulted into a gay relationship. Again casting 10/10, chemistry 10/10. But I see this storyline quite a bit too in deluded forms. Consent is a BIG issue in this show for me. Then there is the "I am only okay with this gay guy" idea too that just kinda made me pull some faces at my screen at times.

If you have made it this far... I'm so sorry?

As for now, I think I have written enough about my BL journey so far, if you DID actually read this far and have any questions about it, feel free to ask. I am willing to discuss anything and everything as long as we respect each others views (:

This post is also an invitation to whoever wants to connect. I really do love making friends and my DMs (here and on twitter or if you want to connect on a different platform let me know) are always open. You can literally go in there without context and go: GIIIIRL LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT... and I will reply as if we've been besties for years I really do not mind skipping the awkward first stages of interaction.

My DMs (+replies) are also open for:

Show recs (dm me your fav show and a little description on why it's your fav show and why I should love it too!)

Questions regarding this post or me personally

FanFic recs (If you have written something pls show it to me I love to read!

Seeing my watched list, currently watching list or to watch list for the curious cats (: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Thank you so much for reading and for now I cannot wait to see what the BL community has in store for me ♥

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divorcingjimmatthews · 1 year

Text

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

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calypso-finale · 8 months

Text

Hundred Twenty Eight. Part 2

When I woke up I didn’t expect this drama, I am so caught off guard right now. Me and Tianna just staring at each other. When my parents came to my house I didn’t think anything was happening until my mom said my dad wanted to apologise so I am in the dark with this, I have no idea what is happening and why, I am told nothing but now Oakley is saying this, I am shocked “wait, no” I said to Oakley “hold on, are you trying to say my dad is cheating on my mom?” I am so confused “your dad is a dickhead, that is what I am trying to say to you yeah. He is an old man that hasn’t grown up, he knows what he is like yeah, ask him. I ain’t saying he is cheating, I am saying how he acts with females can come off as that, I am hungry, so I am going but take it as you like. This ain’t my problem, fuck you Chris, like you shitting on me on that live well I am doing this directly in front of the people you supposedly love, I told you that you need to go and pop some pills” looking behind me “you’re not touching him dad so you can sit down yeah, you started this mess and I know you did” I have no idea “just go Oakley, go on. I will call you” I want him to go because my dad can be a bully and I don’t want it “so dad are you cheating on mom!?” Tianna spat, my dad turned away from me “I ain’t fucking cheating, he is talking shit. This is your fault for bringing him in our lives” oh now he is blaming me “mom, you don’t look shocked?” I said to her “because what is new yeah, I can’t keep touring with him all my life. I can’t be with him every second and he will still be who he is, I can’t stop him for being a flirt” I am so confused “so you’re accepting he is doing this? Are you serious, dad you’re being a jerk!” I spat “I ain’t do anything, literally just be vibing and girls are there, it’s nothing. Oh my god, I am not blind either. Your mom ain’t a victim, she knows. I tell her, she is aware. He is just dickhead that has dragged it up because he wants one over on me, ok I took too far but this is your fault, you’re” he pointed but he stopped talking “what?” I said to him “his” he just said “I am his dad; I am marrying him. Is that you issue?” he waved me off walking away “I need a moment” this is crazy “I am his dad, are you serious. You did what you had to do to raise me and now I am moving on, seriously!” I spat but he went.

“Let him have a moment, your dad is what he is. Emotions and everything, Imani on crack” shaking my head “mom, is dad cheating on you and you know about it?” I am so confused; this is stressing me out “I love your dad, so I accept his ways” my eyes bulged out “we seen how he is! You can’t be sat here and say you accept his fucking ways mom, tell us!” I shouted “there is nothing to tell, I seek peace now. He tells me, he tells me about everything. About girls being around, even told me that he got a girl number, Rylee I can’t contain him because he will push at me. We get on better now because we are open, we have worked on being more open. I rather know then not know, he hasn’t cheated on me because I would have known, but yes. He has admitted to flirting, to speaking to girls in places. You think I wanted to go Vegas!? Take everyone there, the kids. No. I had to be there, it’s never fucking easy being with a man that is a rapper, a singer, anyone and Rylee you will know it. When they are on that road it’s there, you know this and it never fucking ends, I tell you that. But I know he hasn’t cheated, he hasn’t. I am not shocked, just didn’t want the fucking kids to know, it’s happened now. We still go therapy, every month. He says, we are there. We are open, what do you want me to do? We get on now more then ever, so leave it please. We have a less toxic house too, kids that haven’t seen things until you all decide to come home and pipe up” now she is mad at us “the parenting you both decided to give us wasn’t our fault ok” that is so cheeky “are you ok mom?” Ti asked “I was” I guess another thing they can blame Oakley about “well maybe your husband shouldn’t bully my man, yeah” which that was the issue clearly “that is the attitude he hates, he raised you girls and you all throw him” I laughed “now this is our fault that you are letting him be this way? Be mad at yourself mom! Do that! Ok, just because you can’t get through his stupid head don’t blame us” my mom is mad “I guess something you can’t control huh, maybe that is why he does it” I pointed, Ti gave me a look to shut up.

I wish Oakley told me this because I am so caught in the dark with it all but I rather he be out, Damson out too, it’s better that way “done?” my dad is back “I didn’t do anything, it was a joke but since he got temperamental about it I came to apologise and now he ran off after causing this issue” shaking my head “dad, please. Don’t do this, be realistic, he wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t start. You know him, why lie?” he is trying it and he knows he is wrong “maybe, but he did start it” shaking my head “you know what, I am sorry. Just you know, hard to see my daughter not my baby anymore yeah. Just pisses me off sometimes that you don’t listen to anyone but that, that was it. I was annoyed. I don’t have a bad word about him, I can’t even say he is like me because he doesn’t care about other girls that are around, maybe it annoys me that he isn’t that way, I don’t know yeah. But I came to say sorry, I was trying to apologise but yeah. Just fuck it Rylee, I am sorry I care too much, I hate that I am losing my daughter, I care. I see all this, and it’s gone, Robyn don’t care like I do” I sighed out “you didn’t need to do what you did to him, whatever you did do anyways. It’s life, don’t be like Momo because you may dislike her but you’re turning into her” his face dropped and Ti laughed “sorry but he is” she said “and no woman should have to deal with their husband openly speaking to other women, but that issue ain’t mine so yeah. I need you to accept that me and Ti will be moving on, we will be having our own lives and yeah” I paused “I am marrying him dad, I will stand by him, it won’t be you and even when I went to London, I decided then. Maybe that does play on your mind, but I am sorry” my dad swallowed hard “time to accept it but you made my life harder, you can’t keep bullying my husband now, he will be married into my family as much as his. You need to accept who I will be obeying and listening too, I know you find things hard, but this is life, you was wrong for taking him along with you to be rude, I am upset with you” he makes me so mad “deal with emotions better, you and Imani” I groaned out.

Tianna walked into my bedroom “what the fuck?” I said to her “I walked them out, awkward to say the least I mean what the fuck” I am shocked “dad is forever unhinged, maybe old age. I don’t know, he either cares too much or nothing, and mom” Tianna fell onto my bed “Damson thinks my family are sane and then Oakley thinks they are insane” she said staring up at the wall “but Oakley is right they are insane” she added “Damson has got the right side of dad, you know dad doesn’t exactly let go of things. He will just bring it back to life after years. He will be ninety and he will say remember when Rylee left for London” Tianna chuckled “he would too but I love him, I don’t know. Dad gets me mad at the same time” shaking my head “even at the end I was like calm with him, he just doesn’t think. And mom is stupid but then again, she won’t leave him so” I shrugged “hmmm too far gone, she just deals with it. Dad flirts too much too, oh god. Imani is like dad, unhinged” rolling my eyes “but she isn’t my problem, dad I will deal but her. She can choke” I pointed “mom said I am not going to see Aziel again; I goes mom don’t say that. Aziel stood there staring and she goes I don’t think I will see you again. Aziel staring and he said why now, she goes your mom won’t allow it. Like she is assuming shit, she need to think of her marriage, and you need to think of yours Rylee, don’t get yourself caught up in the Chris and Rihanna thing, if mom wants to deal with that then let her but this is your future. Dad is I don’t know, he is dad” Ti shrugged “I know, I need to speak to Oakley. He will either be stubborn or just tell me fuck him, I don’t know but he does it to Oakley so much and I think Oakley has had enough” shaking my head “should I just get on with it without family?” I am thinking now “don’t, you know we always make up” I don’t know any more “yeah” I mumbled “well I need to speak to him, call mom and see if she ok. Dad, you know. Sometimes he treats mom a little off, I don’t know, they can be both petty sometimes” I walked off, I have had enough.

Oakley pissed me off by not telling where he is, but he is in my ends, so I know where he was, funny enough, Junior told me he saw him and I thought he was joking but Oakley is actually here at the Plaza, Junior thought I was there with Oakley as he is there with his little friends but no. So I have come now, and I can see him, he is with Juke, so I now get why he wasn’t answering me but seeing them both together alone, they are both smiles. They are laughing and talking and just walking around, Oakley adores his only brother a lot and I don’t like he is hiding it either. I was going to go and say hey I am here, but I will leave it, he will call me once done “you lied” turning around seeing Junior “oh I wasn’t, I mean it’s not far from home. What are you all doing here?” his little friends “shopping” I cooed out “how cute, being good boys now” I just know Junior about to ask for something “can you give me money” I knew it “and how much did mom give you” I questioned “just like a few dollars but I saw some sneakers I like, please” of course “what you think boys, should I?” their eyes lit up “erm yeah” I chuckled “Junior has beautiful sisters, like you’re so pretty” shaking my head “thank you, show me then. What sneakers, I want to go” placing my arm around him, might as well see what he wants “just in Foot Locker please, my sister lives in London so I don’t see her. Thank you Rylee” he is sweet “it’s ok, you boys want anything?” I will be charitable “oh what?” one of them said “I only ask once, just pick something and I will pay” Tion is with me, not impressed “nobody come in this section” he said to the store worker “Rylee you’re so cool” I feel cool now, they are all happy anyways “can I pick anything?” I side eyed Junior “didn’t you say you knew what you wanted? Silly, hurry up” I scoffed, how cheeky of them. I mean I don’t exactly spend time with my younger siblings, so he better appreciate this “Lee, what you doing here?” looking behind me in shock “oh you’re here” now I need to act “yeah, just came to get a few things with Juke, I was walking by and I see you, what?” he is so confused “Junior needed some sneakers, so I bought him here, I didn’t know you was here” I laughed, this is a total lie “but Rylee” I shushed him “buy two pairs, be quiet. I tried calling you” Juke is just behind him “I was going to call you back, but like now. You’re here, that is crazy” he is laughing but I knew that, I came because of that “well you want to get some food before going? We need to talk” he nodded his head “sure, I will stay with you then” imagine he found out I came like a stalker.

Juke sat away from us so we can talk, well Oakly told him too and he didn’t mind but he hasn’t spoken to me which I prefer anyways “how come you met up with him?” I pointed “before I go, thought would see him. Just to see how he is, that is all. Just me, you know how I am. I care, I am not giving him anything and I am not dictating anything, just vibes. Also feeling a little low, just wanted to see him” he admitted, I am not mad with him at all “that is fine, everything ok?” he nodded his head “good, so erm yeah. Drama” I laughed “yeah man, I didn’t want you involved. I came home late to just avoid it all, I wanted to not bring it to you because that’s your dad, but he started it. I keep his shit to me, we vibe, we get on, but he pushed me” I put my head down “Oakley is my dad cheating? Like do you know things you’re not telling me, like why couldn’t you say that to me, that is wrong!” I spat “think about it Oakley it’s like an eye for an eye thing but I am his daughter so you can’t, so you have been seeing things but not saying? Just tell me, how long?” I need answers “ever since, Lee nothing changed. He is who he is, your dad is your dad, he be in the studio and just flirt. What do you want me to do? Tell him off, like he said we boys. I just didn’t say anything, not like he does anything, I don’t think but he moves crazy” shaking my head “then how does that make me feel? You’re there, you could do it too?” I questioned “I have no reason to lie to you or even cheat on you so don’t flip it on me, I have had enough of your family really, I don’t think I want the drama. This little thing ain’t over, I can’t do it and like yeah, I think we should just do it alone, nobody there. I don’t want like anyone there really, I am not down for the cult” I knew this would happen “don’t say this” I said to him “your family disrespect me, they don’t rate me. I mean ok, like yeah now Rihanna does but I bet she hates me now, it doesn’t make a difference if they are there or not, just less drama” I swallowed hard “to me” I mumbled, I fucking knew it.

#Chrianna #chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Chrianna Fanfic #Chrianna Fanfiction

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blackberrysummerblog · 1 year

Note

hii <3

2, 21, 23, 29 and 78 for the ask game. sorry if they're too many ^^'

Thank you so much for the ask @imagineacoolerusername! I apologize for not responding sooner, because I’m really excited someone took me up on the ask game (and it’s never too many, I love thinking more about what/how I’m writing).

2) Where do you get your fic ideas?

I’m similar to a lot of people on this one—my ideas come from things that I see or hear around me. It goes hand in hand with the first question in the ask list, which is “do you daydream a lot before you write” and I am a *huge* daydreamer. I generally do get an idea of a full story realized quickly enough that I don’t spend a lot of time dreaming before I write (haha…she says after literal months of WIP posts from the same unpublished fic, lol). I daydream constantly about my hyperfixations though, and I just let my mind wander wherever it feels like. There are stories in my head I would never actually post because they’ve become OOC and self-indulgent to a comical degree, but I get pleasure out of thinking about them and so I let my thoughts drift there when they want to. I often get some good material that way for stories that I actually do want to share with people.

For my crucible marriage AU, the idea came from a throwaway line in Carry On about Watford having possibly started as a mages’ settlement: I started thinking about an AU where that was still the case, and there would still be the school but it would start for students at a younger age than in canon. Assuming the kids mostly went home in the evenings, the crucible wouldn’t need to assign roommates, and instead could do another job like…magickally determining one’s spouse. That was the thought process, and because I am *feral* for arranged marriage/married-at-first-sight stories, the fic has been living at the front, middle, and back of my brain ever since.

21) Do you prefer writing chaptered fics or one-shots?

I don’t have a strong preference; it just depends on what the story requires. I’ll know when I begin writing if a story is going to be long and plotty enough to require chapters; in this fandom I’ve done entirely one-shots because I’m leaning heavily on soft vibes without enough conflict to need more than one post to tell. The crucible marriage fic will definitely be chaptered, though

23) Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

It depends where it starts in my head, i.e. the part I’m trying to get to. If the idea starts off largely in middle of the story I want to tell, then I need to figure out a beginning that can segue into that. It’s usually not super hard, but then again, I mostly enjoy doing domestic-style fluff and cutesy flirting, so it’s not an enormous exercise to intro that. I’m having a harder time with the current AU’s beginning, especially since at this point I’ve dragged it all out so long that I want it to be just right. The hardest part for me is almost always the ending, by which I don’t mean how it all ends up, but the last sentence. I’m pretty weak with last lines, and the *absolute fucking worst* at titles. I think both feel like high-pressure, sum-your-precious-baby-up-in-very-few-words situations to me. I am flat out disgusted with myself for some of the titles I’ve gone with after throwing up my hands.

29) What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I like my dialogue. I think it flows pretty well and is often cute or funny. And I think I do a decent job with shoehorning my contrived plot points in. The example I’m thinking of is the field trip fic I wrote (I can’t even bring myself to namecheck the title, did I mention how bad I am at them?) where the entire story basically hinged on getting Simon to have to sit on Baz’s lap on the bus. It was easy enough to assign them as seatmates, and spilling something on the seat is a good reason for Simon to not be able to use it, but because it’s a magickal universe there really shouldn’t have been any reason they couldn’t spell the seat dry. Magic had to have been disallowed on the bus, which let me write a nice little bit about how Simon had gotten it banned on an earlier trip (and also to reflect on how few field trips he’s even been on, awwww). Anyway, I thought it was funny and just about killed myself when Baz quipped “here comes the not-so-magic-school bus” to humiliate Simon in front of the class. Pretty much everything that happened after that was just as contrived, and I thought it was hilarious.

78) What motivates you during the writing process?

It’s a compulsion for the flesh to become word. I write even the stories that I would never post because they’re too dirty or too personal or too badly conceived to share, because once they’re described in words it provides a kind of release for me.

There’s a short story by William H. Gass called “In the Heart of the Heart of the Country” and I really recommend it for achingly real and emotive lines, but the one I’m thinking of is this, said of the narrator’s neighbor: “Nevertheless, I keep wondering whether, given time, I might not someday find a figure in our language which would serve him faithfully, and furnish his poverty and loneliness richly out.”

I want that when I write, to find words that will mean something to myself and someone else, that will hold a moment or experience up in the light in such a way that it’s viewed tenderly and with generosity.

Thanks again for asking; I hope my answers weren’t too long winded! If anyone else wants to play you can reblog this post:

#asks #ask game #snowbaz #married by the crucible au #Simon snow #Baz pitch #navel gazing #i babble on for way too long

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