#i am not mad at her and she didn't mean it maliciously it's just been on my mind lately

[glittercorvid]

a queer work friend saying 'you don't have to be gender nonconforming to be nonbinary' and a gesturing towards me as an example to make her point a couple days ago sure has reminded me that just because someone respects your pronouns it doesn't mean they conceptualize you as anything other than whichever binary gender they think fits best

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 12

04th August 1987 - Part 3

The ambulance arrived shortly after and neither the doctor nor the nurse could emphasise often enough just how brilliantly Andrew had done and how proud they all were of them; of course, Camilla was, too, but after both she and the baby had been checked and considered in excellent health, she suddenly felt so tired that she could have fallen asleep immediately. Her daughter, however, had other plans and was desperate for milk. “Yes, you must be hungry, my little darling…”, she whispered to her, tenderly placing her on her chest, guiding her little mouth to her breast. Thank goodness, after two children, she was relaxed and experienced enough so that breastfeeding wasn’t a big deal anymore and after a few minutes, both mother and child fell into a deep, happy sleep…

"Kensington Palace? Yes, Colonel Parker Bowles speaking. May I speak to His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales, please?" Shortly after 8 am, Camilla and Theodora still fast asleep, Andrew had decided that it was time to inform the real father of last night's events and has dialled the familiar number of the pass office of the Royal Residence and much to his relief, he was, indeed, transferred to The Prince immediately. "Andrew? What's the matter? Is Milla alright?", he hissed into the receiver, sounding incredibly anxious. He had quickly disappeared into his office to answer the call without risking his wife overhearing anything and his heart ached in concern about the love of his life and their little baby. "No worries, Sir, they're both fine.", Andrew declared, proudly adding: "Mother and child are as fit as a fiddle." Silence. "Sir?", Andrew asked carefully when the Prince didn't reply. "Um, yes, yes, Andrew, I-I'm sorry…", the heir to the throne stuttered. "I just - can you please repeat what you've just said?" Andrew chuckled. His astonishment and disbelief were almost cute and today of all days, he found almost everything cute. “Of course, Sir! With pleasure!", he exclaimed, almost bursting with pride and joy. "Camilla was safely delivered from a baby girl last night! Well, in fact - I delivered her from the little one - our daughter, I mean, your daughter - oh nevermind, they're both fine so… huge congratulations, Sir! I just thought you might like to be informed…" Charles' heart was beating like mad and his head felt like swirling. He tried to grasp what he had just heard. The baby had arrived. He had become a father once more - the father of Camilla’s child, the love of his life and himself had a daughter! "Oh my God…", he said unbelieving and with a teary voice. "I… I'll try and come over as soon as possible!", he promised. "Thank you, Andrew! Thank you so much!"With that, he hung up and sat down on the chair, almost in shock, but the very sweetest kind of shock imaginable. Camilla and him had a baby! All that he wanted was to go and see them both as soon as possible, to kiss Camilla endlessly for having given him the greatest gift in his entire life, to meet the little one and hold her, tell her how proud her daddy was and how much he loved her already, promise her that he would always be there for her and protect her from all evil… but it was Granny's birthday today as well and they had to go to Clarence House around midday for birthday party… As much as he loved his grandmother, as much did the whole rest of the bunch annoy him; his parents, his brothers, his silly sister-in-law, not to speak of his malicious wife… at least his darling cousins David and Sarah would be there as well and of course all the members of the public who'd be gathering around Clarence House and The Mall to sing Granny a Happy Birthday. How wonderful was it that his daughter and his grandmother were sharing a birthday? Oh how he'd have loved to tell her, it'd surely have been the most wonderful birthday present of all time! But it wasn't possible… he couldn't burden Granny with keeping such a secret, he loved her almost as much as he loved Camilla, and the little one of course, and he couldn't bear putting her in such a situation.

"Highgrove, really? Again?", Diana sighed, rolling her eyes when Charles requested to be picked up by a separate car as soon as the birthday celebrations were over, as they arrived at Clarence House a few hours later. "Yes, Again!", he declared, equally annoyed by her as she had appeared to be by him before. "I need some time on my own and you hate Gloucestershire anyway." "Oh, I really do hate Gloucestershire!", she snarled, looking at him with fiery eyes, but he was determined to keep calm this time, casually answering: "Great! There you go! So that's settled then." With this, he opened the door, swung himself out of the car and went straight over to his Granny who had already been waiting for them, without even looking at his wife anymore. "Happy birthday, darling Granny!", he said, lovingly kissing his grandmother on both cheeks. "Ohhh thank you, thank you, my dear boy.", the Queen Mother replied, obviously very touched and happy about all the attention she received on the occasion of her birthday.

Hundreds, maybe thousands, of well-wishers had lined the streets, excitedly waving to their beloved former Queen, singing for her, cheering her on, presenting her with the most beautiful flowers and posies and of course someone had arranged a birthday cake which she happily cut amidst excited rejoicing by the crowds. It was a jolly good celebration and everybody enjoyed themselves, except for Diana who stood in a corner, pouting. Of course she was upset because, for once, the limelight wasn't on her and she needed the people's attention even more than they needed her, but Charles just tried to ignore her and instead look forward to seeing Camilla and meeting the baby in a few hours. "Charles, darling, could you please help your poor old grandmother with all of these… parcels?", the Queen Mother asked her favourite grandchild, laboriously carrying dozens of cards and bouquets in both her arms. "Of course, Granny!", he replied and immediately rushed to her side to guide her into the house. Of course, they usually had servants for this kind of things but he was more than grateful for every opportunity to get away from the devil. "Are you going to see the Parker Bowleses later?", his grandmother asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world once they were alone. Charles was so perplexed he didn't know what to say. "I hear Camilla has given birth to a baby girl last night.", she chatted away while putting some of her birthday flowers into vases. "The little one and I have the same birthday, isn't that funny?" "Ummm… yes, yes.", Charles replied slightly overwhelmed. It wasn't surprising actually that the news had already reached her as well; Andrew was her godson and surely someone would have told her. But the naturalness she had asked him with whether he was going to see them later was… unexpected. Of course she knew that they'd been a couple once and that they were still close, that Charles was Tom's godfather and all of that… but still. Something about her question felt awkward. "So are you going?", she asked again, looking at him expectantly. Her eyes shone brightly, filled with pure love and happiness, there was nothing evil about his darling Granny, just like there was nothing evil about his darling Camilla… oh how he'd have loved to tell her! "Well, yes, I… I'm going to Highgrove later and I… might drop by in the afternoon.", he said. "Oh wonderful!", the Queen Mother exclaimed, rushing over to her desk, grabbing a closed envelope, handing it to her grandson before turning to the side table where they had just placed several vases with flower bouquets. "Which one do you think she'd like most?", the old lady asked, but didn't wait for him to reply. "Oh, nevermind, just take whichever you think she will like most! And, please, darling, will you give this card to her along with my very best wishes and heartfelt congratulations?" Charles' face immediately brightened up in delight. "Oh Granny!", he almost screamed with teary eyes and enthusiastically wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Of course, Granny, I will!"

The Queen Mother's birthday celebrations actually did happen on that day. There's also a video of the enormous crowds gathering outside Clarence House.

[thebeardiswriting]

I seriously fucked up.

I violated a friends trust.

I didn't do it purposely. There was no malicious intent. I still did it. There was some element of it that was an accident, but most of it wasn't. I have no excuse. I have apologized and, thankfully, my friend isn't mad at me. She is disappointed by what happened, but understanding. She is an amazing person and I am truly lucky to call her a friend.

Everything below this line is me trying to figure some stuff out. It all spilled forth while I was writing this public penance vague-blogging post so keep reading if you want to know the working of my messed up mind.

I, on the other hand, am very angry and upset with myself. I have some work to do to make sure this kind of things doesn't happen again. Some of it is easily done and already well on the way to being taken care of. There is another part of it that will be very hard to do.

It begins with another apology to my friend. I made assumptions about somethings not based on what she has said or done, but on my very low opinion of myself. She has admonished me for this in the past but never understood what she was talking about. It has unfortunately taken this fuck-up for me see what she meant.

As I write this I am realizing this is an even bigger issue for me than I thought. It is something I do with everyone. It's a bit of a cliche but my mindset is "since I don't think much of myself, no one else can." Because of that I didn't realize the amount of trust she had in me. I don't know how to explain how it worked in my head, because as I try to write it down I am realizing how misguided the whole thing is.

I never fully believe the good things people who are important to me say to me. I always assume that the is at least a kind veneer thrown over their true feeling. I always devalue myself in the relationship. If they say, or share something, I always think that no matter how much it means to me, it means something less to them. Thoughts like...

Since they told me that must be something they tell everyone.

They only said that nice thing to keep me form feeling bad.

I'll never be as important to them as they are to me.

That last one is the real kicker. It does really sums it up. I devalue myself to the point that can't except true value and importance of other people's words and actions. Some people I automatically assume they are just being nice, usually because they feel sorry for me. Others I immediately think they want something. I know both of those situations have actually happened, and I may not realize I am thinking that with ever interaction but it is a looming shadow over my everything.

I am saying sorry to anyone and everyone who has been effected by this. I can't change how I was in the past, but I am working on being a better me in the future.

[draygon-lord]

Vent post out of tags because I dont wanna mess with tags on this stream of consciousness

I have a lot of confusion and frustration about why tf did that group seemingly immediately assume me going dark on all social media was intentionally malicious towards them. Why tf did they show up to my house when I wasn't there and say AT THE TIME that it was just to deliver the first present they'd ever given me that they'd be too busy to during holiday season, only to TWO WEEKS LATER after I REACHED OUT FIRST when I felt marginally better blow up at me and say it was actually because they were worried and because "I worried them" they didn't want to make any effort to talk to me anymore but I still could make the effort to talk to them, when they've never made an effort to talk to me of their own volition in 5-6 years of friendship and I've been actively asking for years for that not to be the case. Why did they make no effort to contact me before showing up to my house aside from a tiktok for a show I've told her multiple times I've never watched, and in no way communicates worry or interest in how I'm doing. Why did their "worry" mean I am punished and actively ignored by them, and why tf did they assume it was intentionally malicious. Why did NONE of this group ever reach out at any point, and why were they all so ready to just drop me and never try to find out whats going on from me when they had my direct contact info and were just so ready to accept whatever bullshit the two that blew up at me told them?? Like how can you claim to be "good friends" and "found family" if the time i needed that support the most you decided it was intentionally malicious to hurt you. Why did only their feelings matter, and why even after I explained why I went dark did they still treat me like I was being intentionally malicious. Why were all of them just so ready to shit talk me and hate me, what did I do? Should I just have never said how I was feeling and what was hurting me and just quietly kmsed?? Just have been happy that I was allowed to exist nearby when no one ever talked to me of their own volition unless I was entertaining for them??? Should I have just been okay with one of the ones that blew up at me actively ignoring me in group situations and asking everyone else on a call by name how they were doing except me and then hanging up, or when she saw me at work and actively turned and walked away so she didn't have to talk to me??? Like how is any of that acceptable or okay??? What was i supposed to do??

Why did they immediately assume me leaving all their discords and kicking them from mine was to purposefully keep one of the ones who blew up at me from inviting the friends that were there for me to her super bowl party. Did they honestly not think their actions were out of line

Why did they feel so entitled to the friends who were there for me when they've never made an effort to talk to them and even when I was actively trying to get the two groups to connect they actively stonewalled them and only kept to themselves

Why was it that all of their immediate responses to me being extremely depressed "ignore it til it goes away" and what right do they have to be mad that that did nothing. That their "sending good vibes!!" Does fucking nothing.

[mchlgayser]

𓂃⭑ᜊ: SASS ft trent alexander-arnold

𓂃⭑ᜊ an: HELLO! Okay first of all, this idea just kind of popped up in my head but I'm not complaining! Lol I came up with such a great idea *maliciously laughing*

𓂃⭑ᜊ content warning: cursing and bad actions

𓂃⭑ᜊ: @iwritesjud3's masterlist

It was a hot sunny day, a well-perfect day to ruin your mood. To sum up the matter worse, you had promised your boyfriend you would come to his match today, not that you always don't but since you got your ticket booked late you couldn't manage to get the v.i.p benchers.

Not that you mind but ever since you and Trent publicized your relationship to the world and media, many of his fans hadn't take you seriously, you are a rising model star, fame and money are your mid name but what made the fans not very much fond of you is your poorly attitude and nastiness.

I mean, come on you are not that rude and vicious but due to your career, you are always with your resting bitch face 24/7. And nasty? Yes, you are a bit sassy, and you give rude remarks to rude interviewers but that's it, you are quite friendly to your fans but of course, it's the media that always point out your flaws. But do you care? No, you don't give a fuck.

Your relationship with Trent has always been sweet and nontoxic, those who know you both would say that you both have the perfect relationship anyone could ever ask for.

You are always in your 'I don't give a fuck' mode but today since you know you won't be able to be in the v.i.p you should at least lay low, not to attracts attention from his horny fans.

Right now, you are dressed in his jersey with a pair of jeans skirt that stopped right above your knees, you wore a pair of sneakers and even wore his grey cap and a mask. You didn't bother to wear makeup, partially because you wears a mask. You get your purse bag and a few important essentials and left afterwards.

You arrived at the place already on your way to your seat before you accidentally launch with three girls who are also on their way 'Hey watch it!' The brunette yelled, her other friends helping her as she accidentally poured some of the carbonated drink on her jersey 'Sorry,' you apologized, already marching to your seat but she pulled you back, intentionally dropping your cap and ruining your messy ponytail and your hair let loose, you gasped in disbelief 'Hey!'

'Oh my God! Are you who I thought you were? Y/n L/n?' She laughed while her other friends joined in 'God, it is you!' You take off your mask 'What if I am, Gosh just give me back the cap!' She throw it away to the crowds and snickered 'Oh looks like it went missing, sadly you gotta go and search for it.'

'Yeah no shit, the cap went missing just like your father did.' She gasped 'How dare you?!' You throw her one nasty look 'And please, what's the different between your father and your hairline? None, both missing.'

'And you, you got a stink and tangled hair like you bath rain puddle. And you, your laugh sounds like a hyena who just recovered from asthma. You should've thought twice before coming here and roasting me, you bunch of horny hoes.' You sassed, rolling your eyes at them

'And this is why you got so much hate on social medias, I wonder what Trent sees in you anyway! You are so rude!'

You give her a sarcastic laugh 'Who? Me, rude? You started it and please, it's people like you who would crumble down when you get a little hate on the internet, I don't give a damn about what other people said and what you did you said? What does Trent see in me? Probably something that you can't afford having, so peace out whores.'

She went blazing mad, eyes fuming with anger, her two other friends are embarrassed enough that so many people are eyeing them and whispering 'Just so you know, once this shit got viral, I won't be the only one who got the hates, you three will too and as for me it was something that I used to. So I hope you booked a therapist just in case you got depression or something.' You gave them one last look and left for your seat.

-

The match ended with Liverpool winning the game, you are more than happy that your boyfriend got to prove himself again by doing amazing assists and scoring one goal against the opponent team. He found you as soon as the match ended, he mouthed and motioned you to meet him after that and you did.

He was smiling when he sees you, inviting you in for a long and warm hug 'Okay, to be frank, I saw you fighting with three of my fans.' You groan in frustration 'You just had to mock me!' He chuckles wrapping an arm around you to caress your back 'Someone recorded it and it went viral rapidly! They got your convo from a to z.'

You broke the hug and crashed one brow at him 'Really? So it's like my name is clean now innit? I mean I wasn't in the wrong at all!' He laughs harder, pressing his face to your neck 'Multiple people praised you for your quick remarks! I assume they liked it!' You snort 'They better be!'

trentupdates

❤️🚀💬

3,475 likes

trentupdates model @yourusername is spotted on trent's game tonight, she was caught on camera fighting with three fans

view 497 comments

fans1 what she did was 100% reasonable, they were harassing her when she absolutely did nothing wrong

fans2 I love her more for calling them out like that

fans3 replied the dad ones tho 💀💀

fans2 replied ...honestly serve them right

fightingfan2 @fightingfan1 this is all ur fucking fault

[blackjackkent]

@zenjestrr said:

speaking of the lantern, try inspecting it

Oh shit ty for the reminder! I noticed that was an action option on the lantern and meant to check it a bit back and then forgot.

Whatcha got for me, buddy?

Narrator: The lantern gives off a chilly glow, protecting all in its vicinity from the surrounding shadows. You notice a tiny pixie trapped within. [INTELLIGENCE] These fey creatures are infamous for their trickery - sometimes playful, sometimes malicious.

Hm. Well that's a bit fucked up.

Having been noticed, the pixie begins to speak, in a high squeaky voice with great urgency. "Oh please, oh golly, me-oh-my! You must release me or I'll die! This lantern only lights the way when I am hurting night and day!"

It would probably be better for the pixie if Hector hadn't JUST been dealing with all of Raphael's weird rhymes as well. As it is, between that and his own intelligence check, he is skeptical.

He does get a cleric line here though. [GOOD CLERIC] "You poor thing, why would someone hurt you so?"

(A/N: I don't remember ever picking an alignment for Hector. I'm assuming the GOOD modifier there comes from Selune? Or is it based on actions Hector's taken thus far?)

"My pixie dust is bright as day; my injuries can light the way!" squeaks the pixie.

Karlach frowns. "I know the feeling," she says sadly. "We've got to set her free."

Well. That settles that; after hearing Karlach's perspective on it, he's hardly going to do anything else - but it doesn't change the fact that they need this lantern or they're all going to get obliterated by the curse (except maybe Shadowheart). They need more information.

"Who are you?" Hector asks the pixie.

"My name?" squeaks the pixie. "My name is Dolly thrice. Now won't you free me from this vice?"

Hector rubs the back of his neck thoughtfully. "I need protection from this curse," he says cautiously. "If I release you, will you help me travel through the shadows?"

The pixie's voice jumps yet another octave in excitement. "It would be my pleasure, truly! Once I'm freed I'll help you duly!"

Hector glances at the others uncertainly. This feels like a terrible idea - it's all too possible that the thing is tricking them. But it goes against his own instincts to leave a thinking creature imprisoned like this, even for his own benefit, and even if it didn't, Karlach's hangdog, worried expression would be enough to convince him. He can't let anything stand that puts that expression on her face.

Release the pixie.

The cage of the lantern swings open and the pixie erupts outwards from it, the glow around her fading as she moves. She settles into the air at his eye level - a woman's form, purple in both skin and dress.

"FINALLY!" she cries. Freed from her prison, she is no longer putting on a squeaky, innocent act; her voice is about two octaves lower now, and coarse as sandpaper. "Been trapped in that coffin with no one but a mad drider and my own farts for company." She squints at Hector thoughtfully. "Did me a good turn there, didn't you? What do I owe you?"

"I need to get through this shadow curse," Hector repeats patiently, watching anxiously for any sign that the tiny creature is going to abandon them. "Can you help?"

"Sure, I caaaan," she says cheerfully. "But will I?"

She waits just long enough to watch the expression of alarm flash onto Hector's face. Then she laughs. "Yeah, sure, why not."

"Here. Give this bell a shake, speak the magic words, and you'll get what you've earned. Protection from the shadow curse; what more could a dingus want?"

Turning, she zips off into the darkness without waiting for a response. "You're welcome!"

True to her word, everyone on the team now has an (apparently permanent) buff:

This is actually huge, since it means Hector no longer has to carry the moonlantern as his active equipment and can stop doing unarmed strikes in combat in dark areas. A little less ideal for anyone in the Harpers who was expecting to use this lantern when/if we get back, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[asa-writes]

Aphrodite of Old Hall - 05

“Acta, non verba”

Anthony Bridgerton x F!OC / Benedict Bridgerton x F!OC Word Count: 1.5k Warnings: angst (my poor benedict bby :( )

Closing the door gently, Elisabeth turned towards Anthony. He was sitting on his leather chair, a glass of brandy in one hand and a most puzzling look on his face. Seeing the absence of chairs, she did the most unladylike thing that came to her mind and sat down on his table. Looking down at him, she sighed. "You wanted to talk to me, so talk." After another few seconds of him avoiding her eyes, she scoffed. "Or are you thinking of fucking me on the table right now?" He shot up from his chair, slamming his glass onto the table and grabbing her by the waist. "I wasn't. Sounds like you are, though."

She parted her lips in surprise. "I..." Anthony chuckled maliciously and shook his head. "Now she's speechless. Would you look at that. And you wanted Benedict to court you?" She tightened her lips and tried pushing him away. "Whatever do you mean by that? He is kind, romantic, sweet and, most of all, respected my boundaries! You didn't even make an effort of getting to know me, no, you were mad that I contradicted your fantasy of me and then you went off to sulk and do god knows what whith god knows whom." Anthony flared his nostrils, and she could feel his hand pressing harder against her back, before pulling it away again. "Take those stupid accusations back. What I meant was that he would want to live a quiet life in the country. I see that you are passionate - this passion has already been wasted on your dead husband, now you want to waste it on him as well? Yes, he's kind, romantic and all of that, but he himself told me that he wanted a simple life and wife. You are anything but simple! I can give you the life you deserve!" His emotions came out with every word he said and that was just too much for Elisabeth.

She dug her fingernails into his arm and came as close as she could to him without having to touch him. "Prove yourself to me, then. I cannot stand here and believe you when all you do is talk about your affection to me in these wonderful little speeches and then leaving me high and dry for the next few days." Anthony pulled her towards himself and groaned. "Yes, fine, I will do anything that you would like me to do. But what's stopping you from just kissing me? Why, why, why must you say all of the things that you do and yet act as though you were begging to be mine?", He mumbled in her ear and felt a shiver running through her. "I cannot be wooed by actions or words alone. I need to know if you are interested in me, as Ellie, and not the tempting Lady de Gressy. Now please, I wish to go and, if you really think that I should be yours, prove it to me." With that, she gave him the most fleeting of kisses, tore herself free, opened the door and sighed one last time. "And don't you DARE! mention my George to me again! Ever!", She seethed and slammed his door shut, returning to the drawing room, huffing and puffing.

Violet and Benedict seemed to have heard her last sentence and Benedict quickly hurried towards her and hugged her. "You shouldn't have gone, my dear. He can be a real pain sometimes." His scent and soothing words calmed her down greatly. She let go of him and turned to Violet. "Lady Bridgerton, I am ever so sorry for disturbing your morning like this...", She said apologetically. Violet who blinked a few times before smiling. "It is I who should apologize... I shouldn't have asked and maybe closed the door..." Then her whole face lightened up. "Listen, my dear, we were thinking of having a lovely evening with some of our family's friends, a soiree one might call it, and I would love to see you there! Wouldn't that be nice, right, Benedict?", She said gleefully clapping her hands. Benedict agreed and to pass the time, they took some more tea and afterwards Elisabeth had excused herself to get changed and promised to return as soon as possible. For whom though? The sweet one or the passionate one?

Loitering around the entrance, Eloise had caught Elisabeth as she was making her way to the dining hall. She smiled and, in true Eloise fashion, linked her arm with Elisabeth's. "Anthony's finally come out of hiding and I have not a clue what you did, but him and Benedict have both dressed as if they were to meet the queen and are prancing around like flustered peacocks." Elisabeth shot her an amused look. They slowly walked through the halls, giggling away.

Entering the room, a most peculiar sight had greeted her; Anthony running to greet her and Benedict winking at her. "I think that this is going to get interesting", said Eloise and hurried off to Penelope Featherington, who, as it looked like, was trying her hardest to get Colin Bridgerton's attention. Anthony had taken her hand, kissed it ever so softly and handed her a drink. "Good evening, my Lady. I hope to see you enjoying it thoroughly..." He whispered into her ear and re-joined a beautiful couple, whom Elisabeth thought to be the Duke and Duchess of Hastings. Benedict nodded at her and greeted her warmly. "Good evening dearest. You look ravishing tonight." She blushed and took a sip of her drink. By God, that thing was strong... Hopefully she could still walk out of this house at the end of the night.

"You look most handsome indeed.", She said to him. "I wonder what you have told Anthony this morning... He's a changed man and has even asked for Mama's forgiveness for the way he had barged in." Benedict took a nervous look at his brother, whose eyes never seemed to leave the both of them. "He still pulled me to the side, before the guests had arrived and told me to forget you, that impetuous little ... you know."

Elisabeth rolled her eyes and gave Benedict's hand a reassuring squeeze. "He's jealous, that's all." With that, Benedict's eyes widened, and people had started taking their assigned seats.

Sitting between the shy Penelope Featherington and Daphne Bridgerton, the Duchess of Hastings, was to be the saving grace for Elisabeth's evening. She would not have been able to bear sitting between the Bridgerton brothers, and to be able to show them the same amount of attention... Yet still, she sat across from Anthony, who by any means seemed to enjoy watching her blush at every second she looked up from her plate. As the footmen brought out the food, Elisabeth raised an eyebrow. Anthony smirked. All of the food served were her favourite dishes. How sneaky could one be, she wondered.

Daphne leaned over to her and, with the pretence of quickly fixing a small ribbon in Elisabeth's hair, she whispered: "Jesus Christ, Elisabeth, I have never seen my brother behave like that. Has he proposed already?" Trying to giggle as quietly as possible, Elisabeth blushed. "Which one?" Shocked, Daphne put a piece of asparagus in her mouth. "What do you mean, which one? Anthony of course! Are you trying to tell me that Benedict has also set his sights on you?" Trying to swallow as fast as she could, Elisabeth nodded as lightly as she could. Both of them simultaneously looked over at Benedict, who smiled sweetly at them, looked like he was enjoying his Lady's attention. When they turned back towards their plates, Elisabeth could see Anthony's eyes piercing her.

He stood up, clinked his knife against his glass and stood up. Daphne gasped. "What's his plan?" Smiling broadly, especially at Benedict (who, by now, was starting to get annoyed at his brother's antics) he gestured a footman to come forward with a bouquet of flowers, which were placed on the table, blocking Penelope's view of Colin and transforming the room into the smell of Asters, Camellias, Heliotropes, Red Roses and Tulips. What these flowers meant, everyone knew immediately: love, love, love... Elisabeth's heart beat so fast, she was afraid to pass out. He understood perfectly well what she had meant today and was pulling it off in the grandest possible way. "To you, my petite fleur, I shall dedicate this toast to. Let us drink to the perfection that is Lady de Gressy." Everyone clinked their glasses and was wiggling around, trying to catch a glance of the woman who had put Lord Anthony Bridgerton under a spell. A deep crimson blush spread across Elisabeth's face, as she thanked him quietly. It wouldn't have mattered it she had mouthed it; everyone would have heard anyways. She had seen the worried glance that Violet gave her second son and as soon as she had turned around to look for him, she could see that he was gone.

One might think that the evening is finished for the Ton; but not for our besotted Viscount and, as it was evident for everyone to see, his bride-to-be...

“Lady E's secret” <= Previous

[cutesharkstudios]

Lumity Comfort Ch. 5: Are You Okay?

Amity picked up some food from the cafe Camilla and Luz like, just in case of emergency comfort. She didn't know what to expect, so she wanted to be prepared. When she got home, she looked in the living room, and saw the mother and daughter duo on the couch, both in each others warm embrace. They both looked like they had been crying for a while.

Amity: Hey guys, I brought you both some stuff from the cafe you showed me. You want anything?

Luz: Si, batata.

Camilla: That would be lovely.

The three sat around the table, looking absolutely exausted. The Belos fight and Collecter takeover had drained everyone of their power and emotions. They just wanted some time to recover. It had been a couple of months since those events, but that doesn't mean that they were all better.

Luz: Mama?

Camilla: Yes?

Luz: Are you okay?

Camilla: No. I didn't know you were suffering from those nightmares. If I did, I would have spoken up sooner. I saw you were okay physically, but you weren't emotionally. Thank you for not being mad at me, even though I deserve it.

Luz: Why would I be mad? You wanted to give me my space.

Camilla: I just want to make up for the mistake I made of sending you to that camp. I want to be there for you. For 14 years you felt like you couldn't be understood, and I only have so many years to make up for it.

Luz: Making up implies that you made a malicious error, not a misguided one, and even as an adult I want you in my life. Mama, I think Amity should know what you told me.

Amity: If that's okay with you.

Camilla: Amity, I too have been having nightmares. I was in the middle of one when Luz comforted me before we went to the Boiling Isles. I just want to make things better with someone I care about.

Amity: I'm with you there. I thank God every night for Luz.

Luz: Same. I think I know what we all need.

Everone: Therapy.

Camilla found a therapist who worked with trauma victims and reformed bad people, one Dr. Sasha Waybright. She set up an online meeting with the three, and they all got to work.

Sasha: Greetings Noceda household. Thanks you for sending me the details of your problems. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourselves and how you all know each other? That way, I can have a better idea on how to help you as a group.

Camilla: I am Camilla Noceda, she/her pronouns, which also applies to the rest of us. I am the mother of Luz, whose girlfriend is Amity Blight, the one with lavender hair.

Sasha: Ah, thank you. Why don't we all start with the core of what each of you want to fix?

Luz: You first, mama.

Camilla: Right. For Luz's entire life, she had always been a creative and kind soul, and I wanted her to feel loved and accepted, but everyone I knew aside from her late father treated her like a freak. So when I was given a pamplet for a camp that promised to make her more normal, I paniked and sent her. I just didn't want her to go through life being called a freak, a monster, a weirdo, A LOSER, A--

Camilla then felt the hand of Luz on her arm. She almost spiralled again, with Luz bringing her back again. Camilla wiped the tears from her eyes and continued.

Camilla: And all this time, Luz, my precious baby girl, just wanted to be loved for who she was. And here's the part that doesn't add up to me, she doesn't hate me.

Sasha: Of course she doesn't.

Camilla: What?

Sasha: What I saw right there was genuine love from your daughter. It's clear that she doesn't hate you in any way. And she doesn't seem to feel betrayed. Believe me, I betrayed one of my closest friends to do what I thought was right, and it still haunts me to this day. I screwed over her friends and manipulated her, and I'm shocked to this day she forgave me.

Amity: Same with me. I made Luz's life hell on earth when we first met. I had a lousy childhood and took it out on her. Why she wanted to be my friend even back then caught me off guard. I guess one of the reasons why I'm so lovey dovey with her is because she changed my life for the better. My family grew up in a town led by a cult, and if it wasn't for Luz, I would have joined it.

Sasha: Yikes, I've dealt with my fair share of cult victims, sorry you had to go through that.

Amity: Said cult was led by a religous fanatic claiming my people to be unpure and even tried to kill us. Even after these few months, my people are trying to heal.

Sasha: It will take more than that to heal, and you may need longer. But just know, your family will be there for you.

Amity: Hey Luz? I think it's your turn.

Luz: Yeah. I helped Amity and her town escape the cult leader, and I did that by doing something I never thought I'd do. I killed the cultist. It only sank in a day or two after the matter that there was now BLOOD ON MY HANDS. That man is in hell now.

Camilla: Where he belongs.

Amity and Luz looked at Camilla with wide eyes. Never in their lives did they imagine she would be happy someone was burning for all time.

Camilla: No way did he repent to God for sins. That guy had it coming. From what I heard from everyone, he brainwashed people, tormented the land, and worst of all, HE. HURT. MY. DAUGHTER! If he didn't die by another's hands, I would have done him in myself.

Sasha: Scared to lose someone too, right?

Camilla: Did you almost lose someone too?

Sasha: Yes, the friend I mentioned previously, Anne, and our other friend, Marcy. In fact, Anne is now my wife, and is carrying our little bundle of joy. She almost was lost to me, and I'm thankful to God every night that she is safe. I never want to lose her again.

The best advice I can give all of you is to be open and honest about your trouble with your friends. Sorry, I need to get to another appointment. Why don't we set aside some more time next week?

Camilla: I'd like that.

[bubblepopsims]

J: "oh shut it old dust fart."

There was a brief moment were both parties just death stared at one another. During this time Katrina finally came and brought the documents including a fresh cup of tea for each member. Trying to leave the high-tension room as quick as possible.

Juju gave the elderly woman known as Katrina a small smile and helped her pick up a fallen cloth. only to Hear Savrina's mouth once again going. S: "get away from her with your filthy disgusting hands. i don't want you tainting anything more than you already have!"

Juju tilted her head to the side as if to make sure she actually just heard what Savrina was saying but it didn't stop there. S: "It's people like you that defiled my sweet little girl! First that disgusting thing that I found in bed with my little girl! Having her think she likes women now and is dressing like a man! It's disgusting, you guys are disgusting. If i knew you were going to turn out like that i would have gotten rid of you long ago!"

J: “What did you just say?” juju couldn’t believe the words that spilled from the poisonous couple in front of her. Saying such things about their own child.. her love.. fists were beginning to form and before she knew it her feet moved step by step closer only to be stopped by Izzi.

I: “Ju.. Baby..no. It’s okay.. it doesn’t get to me anymore..”

Juju turned her head locking her eyes on pleading grey ones. Izzi was lightly shaking their head for her not to.

J: “baby im sorry but no. fuck no. are you serious? You really expect me to stand here and listen to them disprect you, the person I fucking LOVE so fucking much, be belittled, gaslit and beraded infront of me. Fuck no. absolutely fucking not. I love you, and you can be mad at me for this all you want, I will make it up to you for the rest of our fucking lives, but I can not stand here and listen to these swines, these disgusting, venomous, degrading, manipulative pieces of absolute everything I hate.”

Juju pushed Izzi’s arm out the way and approached Savrina, she was careful with her step yet confident. Standing a few feet in front of her.

J:“ You must feel really good about yourself don’t you Mrs. Ivanov, you “perfect” coldhearted venomous snake. who I have come to learn a lot, and I mean A LOT about. You see baby your mother is nothing but a good-for-nothing gold-digging bitch. -juju laughed-

J:"juju dared and rested her hand on the woman’s shoulder-But why am I even surprised. I mean you guys literally snitch on people to get to the top. Do you know what happens to snitches? They get fucking stitches and I am the one that is the cause of those stitches. I used to break faces of people like you, destroyed them and made them wish they were dead instead… so listen up buttercup”

J: You sat up here belittling everything that Izzi has built for themselves. Yes THEMSELVES. So You will address them correctly because quite frankly they are above you.” Juju spat with a devious laugh that followed. “You are nothing… nothing”

J: “Izzi didn’t have to play tricks, didn’t have to lie, steal or FUCK anyone to get to the top -her eyes staring directly through to Savrina- yeah let's talk about it shall we? How many did you Fuck Savrina to get you to where you are mmm… maybe 3… 5…. How about your whole fucking office build Lawson. Yeahhh your wife has been cheating on you continuously.. taking bits by bits of your money and stashing it in various accounts by people you work for… mmm”

Lawson's eyes shoot over at Savrina who for the first time showed any emotion in her face. And she was pissed.. Izzi only saw this face once and it was when they were caught with Ruby… and even now it sent shivers down their spine. Juju on the other hand seemed unphased even dared to get right up in Savrina’s face.

J:“you want to tell him your grand plan or should i?”

Savrina’s eyes widened as if there was no way juju would know of this. But by the expression on her face, that malicious and confident grin.

J: “You are going to die of a sudden heart attack Lawon. Just like… your grandfather.” Juju looks over her shoulder at Izzi whose mouth fell open.

L: “what?”

J: “Yes. She killed him, or more so had him killed off... You see your mother is an evil woman.. doesn’t care about anyone but herself.. and she craves power and money..”

S: “I had enough of you!” Savrina took her attempt to get her hands on juju, but something that had been forgotten in juju was that she was a fighter, a survivor, and not someone who was about to get beat on by a woman who quite literally she felt sorry for.

previous - next

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

Theo stared at his reflection for what felt like hours. He was officially a teenager now, with all the duties that came with growing up. His grandmother was tactless with her gift to him, but she wasn’t entirely wrong. He did need to start planning for the future. Was he going to study magic in college or would he get a more conventional degree? Did he want to follow what Adam's father expected him to do and join a witch coven? Did demons have covens too which might be more sympathetic to Theo? He'd have to ask Aunt Lucy the next time he saw her.

What if he started dating Adam and they went to different colleges? Could they handle a long distance relationship? Theo's own parents hadn't been able to and they'd had him tying them together in college. 

No, he couldn't compare himself to his parents. Adam probably didn't even like him back and here Theo was planning out their college years. He was getting ahead of himself. He hated feeling out of control of his life and worrying about the future, but he didn't know what else to do. Rien read her tarot cards for him whenever he asked, but those didn't guarantee a happy life. His sister could be wrong. 

I'm going to have to take control of my own destiny. It's time to show the world who I am and what I can do. The Great demons are afraid of me. The Sovereign is sponsoring my education. I'm Theo Goddamn Bellamy and I'm the Bellamy heir. I can do whatever I want...well, as long as my birthday money covers it.

Theo stared at his reflection again, feeling a new sense of pride in his appearance. Dying his hair his favourite colour was a great idea. He felt like an entirely new man, in charge of his life. 

Adam has to notice me now. Oops, I mean, I like my hair. It doesn't matter what he thinks of me. Your self worth isn't defined by the way guys see you. Aunt Ulyssa would be mad if she were here to hear me say that. Still…I hope he likes it all the same.

"Theo! Come down for lunch. Can you grab your brother out of his crib on your way down? He needs to eat too."

Theo rolled his eyes, but headed for his little brother's room regardless.

"Hey, Abe," he said, lifting the toddler into his arms. "It's lunchtime. Time for your gross baby food that you love to smear on my shirt."

Abe giggled for his brother at this and Theo ruffled his blonde hair playfully. The two headed for the kitchen where Roman was waiting with a sandwich for Theo and some pureed goop for Abe.

"Urgh, I can't believe he likes that garbage," Theo complained, gagging at the smell. "I know I never did."

Roman frowned, watching his sons make funny faces at each other. 

"Trust me, you loved this when you were his age," he said. "Just as much as you loved to smear it in your hair."

"Nope, you're just too old to remember right," Theo insisted. "That or you're confusing me for one of your other children. You do have a lot."

Theo didn't seem to have a malicious intention with his words, but they still made his father feel about two inches tall. His son had only been a teenager for a day and already he was being insensitive and rude. 

"I'm not going senile at thirty, Theodosius. And trust me, you were a very memorable baby."

The more Roman stared at his sons, the more he did remember Theo's baby years. All those nights of waking up to feed a screaming infant, of rocking him to sleep and finding him something to teethe on. Theo didn't look that far off from his parents when he was born and that was a problem. In just three short years, Theo would be the same age as Roman when he was born. Just three years.

Suddenly the room felt tighter and Roman struggled to breathe. His son could be holding a toddler just like his brother someday soon. Unlike his parents, Theo was good in school and talented with magic to the point of the demon sovereign taking a special interest in him. Him having a kid in his teens would slow him down, taking him away from the opportunities he deserved to have. Did he have a boy or girlfriend yet? Roman reviewed all the potential candidates his son had brought home with him, but none of them seemed to be especially flirty with Theo. In fact, Theo usually just went flushed and flustered when paid a compliment, so if he was hiding a romantic partner from his parents, he was uncharacteristically good at doing so.

They had some time before hormones kicked in surely. Roman would discuss strategies with his husband and they would be prepared for their son going through puberty. Their own lives had been torn apart by their teenage pregnancy and as much as they loved Theo, they would do anything to prevent him from following that same path.

[wonderneverlandsystem]

RWBY VOLUME 8 CHAPTER 8 SPOILERS | TW: Talk of suicide.

——————————————————————————

First off. Whoever is in charge of the warnings on the episodes? Fuck you. And despite what I am about to say about some writing choices for this episode, Thank you Miles for acknowledging that the warning wasn't enough and saying that it should be better and that ur sorry even though you have no control over it. At the VERY LEAST, it should've gotten the same warning as the episode Penny died in, if not a full warning for suicide. SPOILERS. DO NOT MATTER. WHEN SOMETHING IS THAT TRIGGERING.

*inhales* Now. Let's talk about the writing and how fucking angry I am in regards to how they did the cat. Not only as someone who is a fan of RWBY and writing in general, but as a writer myself, and also, and I'm being serious here, probably one of the biggest fans of Lewis' original works as well as the many different interpretations people have made for them. *exhales*

Why.

The fuck.

Did y'all do that?

There are not a whole lot of times where I've been all that upset with RWBY's writing. And I was much more upset the day the episode came out because I had so much other shit going on, but I've since calmed down, and I'm still pissed about it.

First off, let's start with the fact that he is supposed to be a stand-in for the Cheshire Cat. And before anyone comes at me, yes, I know they're not all gonna be exactly like the characters they stand in for. But they should at least be close, and for character's like the Herbalist and the Red Prince, y'all got that pretty fuckin on point. AND YOU EVEN DID THAT RIGHT FOR THE CURIOUS CAT UNTIL THIS EPISODE. But like SO* FUCKING MANY PEOPLE HAVE, for some fucking reason, y'all made them a villain. And I'm tired of seeing people make their Cheshire Cat characters evil or have malicious goals.

I wouldn't be *as mad if you guys didn't make it come out of basically fucking nowhere. But you did. You guys actually made me excited with how you were portraying him, especially with making him and Jaune unreliable narrators. The Cheshire Cat at his core is supposed to be a nonsensical and Mad guide who asks a bunch of equally nonsensical and Mad questions in seek of knowledge. Which you guys did. SO WELL. He doesn't have any motive to do much of anything other than cause some mischief while simultaneously actually helping and be annoying, like a cat or a kid.

The Curious Cat was* just that. They shared a bit of their heart with the Red Prince to calm him down momentarily so they could get team RWBY out safely*. Then he asked some questions, figuring out what they were doing, what they were, and where they're going. Something of note that a lot of people seem to keep forgetting is that he didn't wanna go to the tree. He told team RWBY that when they asked him to take 'em there' because he'd been there before, "So, why would I ever want to go back?"

They had to, in Blake's own words, "Just because they don't want to go back to the tree doesn't mean we can't lure them there." He knew they were tricking him into going to the tree, but his purpose, his very soul, wanted information more than his want to not* go back to the tree. So he guided them anyway in trade. THEY WARNED TEAM RWBY TO NOT GO TALKING TO STRANGERS WITHOUT HIM BEING THERE! The moment they did, they ended up in a situation where Ruby, specifically, was in danger of losing their purpose.

If he wanted to "wear her down" so he could take over her body, like he has now done with Neo and told Ruby he wanted to do to her, why would they warn team RWBY, and why would they interrupt the vision she was having. If they had let it go on just a bit longer, she probably would've been in prime position for body snatching. And it's not like the Herbalist or the rest of team RWBY were in any position to stop them from doing so. WBY was still tiny, and the Herbalist doesn't seem like they'd be much of a fighter. And they already had all the information they "apparently needed".

But no. They stop Ruby's vision thingy and then continue with their purpose. They give a bit of heart to the Herbalist, so he's himself enough to ascend. Then he continues the rest of his job and continues to guide RWBY, helping them get back to their normal size (where they could much more easily attack him if he went after Ruby). When the group finds Ruby presumably talking to herself, he looks visibly confused and concerned, then surprised when Ruby gives up her emblem that "carries a mother's promise." No one in the group was paying attention to him in that moment.

So if he had the intentions that he now claims to have, why wouldn't he look pleased, happy, content, etc.? And you can't say "Oh well it's to not tip of the viewers." That's not how that works. Unless you wanna throw in some bullshit where he breaks the fourth wall and they know we're watching. You specifically had a shot where it showed his reaction to that, where no one was paying attention to them because y'know PEOPLE WERE BEING ATTACKED, so his reaction had to have been genuine. It doesn't make sense for it to not be.

Moving on. Team RWBY gets attacked by the Jabberwocker, and he goes to the bird boi and changes his purpose momentarily to help protect them, and once WBY ia full size, he makes sure to get Ruby out of harms way as she doesn't have a weapon or way of defending herself ("oh but he just needs her to not die so he can take her body", again. He has already had a chance to do that, a much easier one at that. He also could've taken that as a chance to do so because WBY was distracted. Then, one more jabberwockers comes, and he sends them all on their way, telling them he'll stay back with the bird boi to fight off the rest.

Now. Episode 6. The cat finds them, as well as Jaune & Juniper, and seems happy, if anything, to see Jaune. Of course, Jaune doesn't trust them and throws out accusations, which, from his perspective, seem fair to make. The cat is visibly hurt a couple of times this episode. When Jaune talks about them like he does, he is visibly hurt, and he eventually starts to talk back to Jaune in an antagonizing way yes, but most people when they get accused of shit, get defensive. Whether you did it or not. Then there's the Punderstorm, Jaune talks about his side of the story a bit. But his memory is indeed messed up, which is not his fault, but it can't be trusted, and definitely shouldn't be treated as the gospel truth.

He yet again was visibly saddened and hurt when remembering how he was tricked by Alyx in almost the same way he was by RWBY, except they didn't promise to take him with them, and this time he knew he was being tricked. I don't know about you guys, but if I had the goals he now claims to have, I wouldn't look sad when remembering what Alyx did, I'd be angry. And considering how Alyx has been described to the Ruby and Weiss, as well as how Jaune thinks of her, the cat being angry wouldn't tip them off to jack shit, they know (think) she was "selfish and cruel". When he realizes that they aren't gonna trust or listen to him over Jaune, he leaves. Thanking them for the lesson and walking their lil' cat butt away, ending the Punderstorm.

Now. Chapter 8..... He gets Neo away from Ruby and keeps her from drinking the tea and ascending. Then, they take a full 180. They climb up on her and knead some dangerous kitty biscuits, saying, "I have been trying to wear you down for so long." and that their purpose is, "... when a poor little heart is broken, I can fill it with mine."

The only thing they've done that would suggest that MAYBE* they were trying to wear down Ruby's mental health was mentioning the fact that Salem was close to winning and the lil look over the shoulder he gave? But literally, nothing else supports that fact. In fact, everything else actively goes against that, even things, as I've explained, that didn't need to happen as no one was paying attention.

And as for his purpose and him being "cursed with curiosity."? He gives bits of his heart to ppl to help get them back on the right path, or if necessary he can do that to help guide them into doing a different purpose for a time like with Hawker (bird boi). And sure, that could cause him to be bitter, trust me as someone who has had to put others before myself my entire life, I know. And that coupled with the gods leaving them in the Ever After to PRESUMABLY* go make Remnant as he was going to say before getting cut off by Little, makes sense for him to be bitter and angry. I would be, too. My problem isn't with that. It's with how it was executed and also the fact that he's supposed to be a Cheshire Cat character, and they aren't supposed to be malicious, evil, have ill-intent, etc.

There was damn near no evidence of anything he revealed in this episode. There were loads going against it even, I don't care how fucking evil or manipulative you are, there should've been something to point towards this. Even Salem was pretty damn obvious about how she felt and was treating things when Ozma was with her after being revived. It just took him too long to realize because he loved her.

Had there been more than a one-off comment and funny look, followed by MULTIPLE TIMES PROVING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE SAYS IS HIS GOAL, I wouldn't be nearly as upset. I would never not be upset at all because, as I have stated, I am fucking tired of seeing people interpreting the Cheshire Cat as evil and making him a villain. (Alice In Madness is excluded because that made everyone different evil, and also I try to ignore its existence anyway because of the antisemitic charactures) But had you guys done it properly, I wouldn't be nearly as pissed off as I am.

Sincerely, a very tired and "distressed" fan. (Jace)

p.s. If you aren't also a writer as well as a fan of Alice's Adventures In Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass, don't try and argue with me. I don't have the energy. (not talking like read it once or twice for class or whatever, I mean an actual proper fan)

[nathank77]

3/29/24

8:53 p.m updated/edited/added to

When I got up this morning at like 4:35 p.m I struggled to sleep. I actually fell asleep on the half MG of Xanax and I woke up from my fucking snoring.....at 8:30 a.m. I took a Benadryl and eventually fell back to sleep. I woke up at like 11:50 slept until 1:50. Then took another Benadryl and struggled to sleep but I lost some time and woke up at 4:35. Idk how many hours I got but I must have gotten close to 7.... obv I was nervous about seeing Katie...

I looked up waking up from your own snoring and appearantly it can be sleep apnea, minus insomnia I have no other symptoms. So I hope its an one off event. It didn't happen all the other times I passed out the rest of the "night," I slept shitty as all fuck but I didn't turn to hydroxyzine. So that's a good thing.

Anyways when I woke up and typed in her address in my GPS I started to tear up bc I knew I needed to go.

I just got home from seeing Katie. I just showed up and rang the doorbell.

She came out and looked sad like she didn't want me to be there. And she asked if we could sit in my car.

So she didn't ever want me show up for her. Weird cause when we broke up she said she did... she was like you've never shown up for me. I misconstrued that for the last year and 3 months thinking she wanted me to just ring her doorbell... well now I know.

She told me she doesn't want to be with me romantically, which is a relief. I told her the only thing I want is her friendship. Even though I was open minded to it growing into more but I knew it couldn't just go back to what it once was. It would be something that developed slowly. I told her I had no expectations and that I just hope we can be friends and I wanted her to be happy and I'd be her best man at her wedding.

She said she didn't want to give me a glimmer of hope and I said you've been really clear, I just want your friendship. That's all I can hope for you're one of my favorite people and I miss talking to you. I just want to catch up and hang out sometimes.

It made her uncomfortable and overwhelmed her that I showed up unannounced and I got some feelings about that, I feel like an asshole sorta but the mental closure door is closed.

She isn't mad at me and understands why I did it. And I feel better. I now know what would have happened. There is no more wondering.

I apologized for being selfish. And told her I did it for me but I also thought she wanted me to and I explained why. She said it made sense and she's not mad at me and she understands why I showed up. She wishes I hadn't but she gets it and knows I didn't mean to be malicious or make her uncomfortable or anything.

We left it off with her saying, "I'm a shitty friend to people, and when we dated you were not okay with me being with someone else." And I said, " well it's been a year and 3 months and I am totally okay with you being with someone else and I want you to be happy. I want you to be fulfilled. " she explained our relationship wasn't fulfilling to her and she couldn't go back cause she doesn't think anything would be different and I explained that all I want is know her.

She said she would think about it but that I can't expect her to really be there for me. I told her I will never show up again. I won't text her. I won't like her stuff on Facebook and the ball is in her court and if she doesn't want to talk to me she doesn't have to. I said that I want to text her happy birthday at least but if you don't reach out to me by October I may not but just know that I want to. And that I will be thinking about you and I only won't bc I don't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable again.

I said all I want was friendship and a hug. And she said I'd hug you but I can't promise friendship. I offered to walk her to her door cause I parked at her neighbors. And she said she will be safe and not to bother and we didn't hug.

So for the rest of the night I've got to wrestling with this, I did this selfish thing that I thought was partially selfish but I also thought she wanted me to do it. I have to wrestle with my feelings being important too and I didn't make her so uncomfortable she wouldn't talk to me. However I've always been the type of guy who puts other people's emotions over mine.

Knowing she felt uncomfortable and didn't want me to go makes me feel like an asshole. I at least admitted I was selfish and upon leaving to show up I knew in my heart that I may be doing the right thing for me but that it could be selfish and make her uncomfortable but that I didn't know what she wanted and I explained I was worried that I would make uncomfortable.

I got to wrestle with the feeling of making her feel uncomfortable and feeling like an asshole.

However, I feel so much better closing that door. It's like on an asshole scale 10 being huge asshole and 0 being not an asshole, I feel like a 1.

On the being upset I made her uncomfortable scale I feel a 1-3 but she said she understands and she knows I meant well.

On the mental closure scale i am a 10 being full mental closure. I know I made the right right decision for me so it's a 10. I will never dwell on if I should have shown up and what could have been.

I feel bad being selfish. I did profusely apologize prob like 15 times and straight up called myself selfish and said I made a mistake. And I apologized like 15 times for making her uncomfortable and making her face me. I explained my reasons for it well but said nonetheless I was selfish and i regret it bc I didn't want to make her uncomfortable or overwhelm her. I didn't want to put my feelings first but I really thought she wanted me to show up for her.

So that's what happened. I'm saddened she doesn't really want friendship. I'm saddened that knowing me isn't really important to her and wasn't before I showed up either.

I'm upset that I made her uncomfortable and I have to feel like an asshole. She wasn't rude to me and her eyes looked really sad. My eyes did too. I feel like deep down she understands why I showed up and she doesn't hate me for it or resent me for it.

I know I did the right thing for me, but it wasn't the right thing for her. I don't truly regret going cause that door is closed and I feel mentally fulfilled. I got to get over making her uncomfortable and feeling like an asshole....

The issue is, if I hadn't shown up, that door would have stayed open. That auditory hallucinations haunted me for months. It played off my actual emotions... and despite knowing that it wasn't Katie, the bunny photo and how our relationship ended... and I misconstrued the show up for her thing...

She said she didn't understand why the bunny photo meant show up for her... and I was like well Sage tries to eat the bunnies and it gives you anxiety and I thought it was my time to, "show up" for you.... and she said she kinda understood but that's not what it meant...

So with full mental closure I feel minorly like an asshole and like I made her uncomfortable and part of me is like maybe I shouldn't have gone selfishly. The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. She also said, "I feel like you don't know me, cause if you did you'd have never shown up... I felt like that during our relationship but this is another reason I feel that way."

I remember talking to Elise right after Katie walked out the door and Elise told me Katie does need space but she wants you to show up for her. I'm not blaming Elise, I felt the same way. She reconfirmed what I already believed based on how our break conversation went...

Either way I know deep in my heart, that the way we ended and what she said, "you never showed up for me." Really mislead me. I explained my brain is still broken from psychosis but despite me being worried about me making the decision for me/making you uncomfortable/being selfish, I wasn't sure if this what you wanted all along...

It didn't end badly, there was pain in her eyes. She prob won't be my friend. Not bc I showed up. She knows my intentions are good but rather bc she wasn't ever intending on being my friend.

Although it feels good to close that door I feel like an asshole and selfish. The door is closed but I made her uncomfortable. I've got to sit with this tonight.

All I know is that if I put myself first I made the right decision for me.... and there will never be another thought of what if, the bunny photo or her birthday or did she want me to show up.

Yet I feel like an asshole for making her uncomfortable. At least I apologized a lot and wholeheartedly. And even called myself selfish. And admitted I was worried that I was making the right decision for me and the wrong decision for her....

I'm probably going to have to think about this all night to, "put it away."

My feeling matter and that what if, and that misconstrued message would have haunted me forever.

Will making her minorly uncomfortable and being minorly selfish haunt me? Not entirely but it'll bother me for a while.

On a selfish scale I feel like a 5.... that's the issue. Yet I had to close the door and I feel better.

I wish she was, "warmer." She wasn't cold and I'm glad she doesn't want to be with me... I'm not happy we can't be friends...likely... and I'm not happy that I made her uncomfortable and acted selfishly..

My feelings are so mixed up cause I meant well and I know she knows that. I hate that I made her uncomfortable and was selfish. I truly wasn't trying to be. Yet we had the most effective communication we ever had.

So yea, idk I hope I can put this away before I go to sleep... I hope I can get over being selfish and making her uncomfortable for the sake of my feelings.

My feelings do matter and I have fucking psychosis. I know she gets it. I just got to comfort myself by telling myself I did what was right for me. She doesn't hate me for it. And sometimes you make people uncomfortable by being selfish and sometimes it's something you have to do for you. And she confused me. And If I hadn't I would have remained confused.

I did what was right for me. Yet I did what was wrong for her. I made her uncomfortable and I was selfish. Yet I did what was right for me emotional closure.

I hope i can put this away. Emotions are uncomfortable... but my feelings to matter. If she was that uncomfortable she wouldn't have gotten in my car..

I don't regret it fully cause if I think about it from my perspective I did the right thing.

I do regret it as in it was selfish but I wasn't sure if it was selfish. I had the thought but I wasn't sure. I wish I didn't make her feel uncomfortable.

My feeling matter yet her feelings matter more to me.

[dxfiedfxte]

Thread move to new editor || Continued from here: X || @shootingxstardust

🌙 - Noctis Morte

Marion had destroyed the equipment without much thought in it. She was so focused in keeping the guise of being evil and spooky that she didn’t even stop to think “Hey maybe this device is actually expensive, and these three had to spend their hard earned money on it.” She continued to gaze at the three, mainly studying them, but there was one thing she couldn’t ignore right now. Zero’s fear. It was delicious. Noctis Morte wasn’t necessarily a malicious  being, but being a nightmare goddess, she was bound to freak a few people out, and if she could feed off their negative energy, that was merely a bonus.

The fear she fed off of Zero, just caused her eyes to shine even brighter in the dark room, though she did notice that besides the one person that seemed to be a scaredy cat, the other two didn’t seem overly frightened.  The oldest one seemed to be inconvenienced by the fact that Zero dropped the camera, and the other seemed quizzical and was just talking. That was strange.

Her gaze softened and she simply shrugged. She could have used nightmares to really scare these three, but they also hadn’t done anything to warrant that. Not yet. “Aren’t you going to leave now Arisato san? Your friend seems scared.”  Morte questioned, not really answering Minato’s question about her wanting to show herself.

Zero stepped back, his fear still very much heightened, whole two older men continued to study and analyze her as if they were trying to debunk this entire thing as nonsense. The trio had done this a lot, they basically lived and breathed this career every single day of their lives, and with that knowledge and experience, everything just wasn't hitting the mark that would normally mean there was Paranormal Activity, nothing was adding up. Unfortunately, with Zero being the youngest of the group, despite also having this knowledge, the young man had completely forgotten it all just by this one encounter, clearly Zero still had some things to learn about this job, but for now, the two would leave him be.

Minato looked down at the camera and wasn't too pleased to see it in pieces, but instead of getting mad, Minato just remained calm like he usually did in most situations. It wasn't going to be fun trying to find this exact same model of the camera again, the only positive thing about this entire moment, the day before, Minato had taken the film from that camera, so there could at least take solace in the fact that they didn't need to worry about losing yesterdays footage of their previous investigation, this would have been a lot worse if Minato had decided to do it the next day like he originally planned to, so at least there was that.

Remaining silent, Minato and Takashi turn their heads to look at each other giving each other puzzled expressions as Zero cowards in the corner, Zero would probably need a break after this, the poor young man was traumatized. Minato and Takashi could handle some investigations alone, besides, if they ever needed help, Minato could contact one of his friends in the Paranormal community and appear as a guest co-investigator, which was something they would sometimes do.

[{ 🦋 }] - "....Takashi. You thinking what I'm thinking?" Asks the bluenette Paranormal Investigator. After carefully studying and observing the situation in front of them, it appeared that Minato had finally come to a conclusion, and he was sure that Takashi was on the exact same page.

[{ 👻 }] - "You know I am Minato." The older man simply responds. It was time to end this little game, it was pretty sad that Zero couldn't put two and two together, he honestly expected better from Zero, though he was still young, still a bit naive, so he'd let it slide this once.

Giving a nod in return, the fool turns to face the figure before the trio. Casually, Minato took a few steps toward her with Takashi following behind him, both not even showing a sliver of fear. This charade was pretty much a waste of time now that he thought about it -- he made a mental note to erase the footage recorded here today later when they were back at their hotels, there was no need for something that clearly wasn't Paranormal, they had a reputation to keep after all, and showing fake footage would essentially be career suicide, and the trio loved this job too much to let that happen -- Minato especially since he had put his life's work into building up the reputation and credibility the had spent years creating.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Takashi, can you go turn on the lights, we don't need them off anymore." To that, Takashi nods and flicks on the lights in the building, the light snapping Zero out of his fear as he realized that the investigation was over.

[{ 🦋 }] - "Alright Noctis, you can stop pretending to be a ghost now, charade's over."

Hearing his lead investigator say that immediately brought a look of utter confusion on Zero's face, he was floored by the revelation. So Noctis, wasn't a ghost? This didn't make sense.

[{ 👻 }] - "....Wait, what?" Zero comments, the confusion on his face only increasing the more he tries to process what exactly had just happened.

[{ 🦋 }] - "....I think you need to put your training wheels back on Zero...."

[hellfiremunsonn]

you look so pretty i didn't even notice the size difference for a second. Like, mine aren't that noticeable, but I guess cause my nips don't line up on a horizontal line it has to be mentioned?

Yeah, I was pretty sure these men weren't shit but also...like it felt good to be flirted with? To be seen as desirable? I have never really been in a "relationship" always the let's not label it or the "oh im talking to a guy who showed interest in me and- oh he's married well im blocking you now" (which the married thing has happened more than once, making me feel bad. Like, if they were in an open marriage or poly or whatever, I wouldn't care. But its like im like "isnt that...your wife?" And they get upset i find out like obviously you don't want her to know).

I know my friend didn't mean anything by her comment, so I'm not really mad at her. I think its moreso the guy who said it was a handful (I am a b, maybe c cup depending on the bra (usually its the band) but I think that because I have broad shoulders and a big rib cage, I am big boned i guess cause I am tall, they expect more??)

It just really fucked me up cause I was sitting here and I thought okay he was a piece of shit, and so I started scrolling through Tumblr and reading fanfiction because why not escape reality for a second, and it ended up being smut and I was like ah....my body doesnt...do that normally. And then it made me spiral thinking about every fic I've read (for example, Steve or Eddie) and how its all similar, and then I was like shit maybe I am weird? Like I get i shouldn't let fictional stuff bother me, cause it is fictional, but then I am like hm the men irl suck so why wouldn't it translate (I am not making it make sense like the characters would be fine I think but its like the fics all have similar anatomy i dont have making it seem as though it is normal, and the guys irl suck so they probably also expect that idk im gonna stop this sentence now).

I think the thing that truly bothers me is the fact that, if I am getting close enough to you to feel comfortable topless, because typically I am not, then that means I'm vulnerable and you really just basically stab me. You basically get me in a vulnerable state and go straight for the jugular

Ohgod, yeah I used to never take my top off or my bra off cause I was like nOPE YOU CAN'T SEE MY BOOBS!!!!!

Now I don't care as much because I've thankfully had more positive reactions?

And with fan fic, I try to write sex for reader how I enjoy sex? Which too be fair isn't much because I haven't had a lot of GOOD sex. I've had good moments in sex but never the whole thing. So I don't include a lot of nipple play or stimulation, because I personally don't get much pleasure from it, but I know my partners have so I let them do their thing, thus briefly adding it into fics just cause a mouth on a tit is a common occurrence for the most part.

I also always make sure to get reader to cum from clit stimulation because most vagina havers cannot cum from penetration alone. And I also add it hurting at first, because for me OFTEN times it's really uncomfortable at first, and sometimes it has felt like I'm losing my virginity all over again.

ANOTHER THING. This helps me when reading fics, but (Y/N) isn't me but she is me... Like she's a version of myself I have created to fit these fics, but it's not me me, she's her own character but she is MINE. if that makes sense? Like I have no interest in anal or anal play, but like (Y/N) ??? she'll do anything, and I love her for that.

ALSO, My titties literally get stuck in my armpits when I lay down and I have to pull them out before I get comfy. They be doing what they want I swear.

MEN ARE SHIT

But also voicing your insecurities, and just laying them out on the table sometimes helps! It's something I started to do unconsciously, but I would basically point out these things before someone else could do it, and do it maliciously. Like if I did my eyelashes wonky, I'd point it out right away, or maybe if my ass looked extra flat, or my hair was greasy. Because all our lumps and bumps and ridges, and dips, hairy, smooth, discoloured bits are all part of us, and make us each our own person.

idk where I was really going with this again, I kinda just started typing. But I hope you at least find the tiniest bit of comfort from talking it out with me.

[atendersun-archived]

"Do you remember when we first met?" She asks while sitting with her legs crossed under herself on the floor. "You were asking me about lesbian earrings. And that first day alone you didn't have fear of telling me things about yourself. Not only did I accept them, I shared my own stories with you. There was trust, there was mutual understanding, and there was more willingness to listen and make sense of things." Neff sighs. "So what happened, Muu? Why is it that now all of a sudden you can't trust me when I tell you certain things? Why is it that you can no longer believe your friends when they try to help you? I don't understand what it is that we did for you to feel that way around us, but is there any way we can get you back to that point? You were making so much good progress before and I just don't want you to dig yourself into a hole you can't get out of."

Of course he did. Even still did he have a modest appreciation for all things jewelry and queer in culture. That about himself had yet to change much. It could have withstood a wider range of knowledge in regards to creators and history, yes, but that was a much smaller feat than where his focus needed to be at for the time being.

In a way, it should have been expected. Her attempt at getting through to him that is at least. He'd be unwise to expect her visit to include nothing more than a humble exchange of jests and uneventful life events carried on by his part. Understandably, he knew she not only knew better than to settle on that, but that Neff possessed the know how that she deserved better as well. He had told her about the grittiness of his past prior and she had stayed, so really the question of why his growing fears made anything different was a completely genuine one.

There hadn't even been so much as a minor shift in tone, or a concerning look directed his way, and yet the male became so overwhelming carried away by worry that he could only wish to cry so deeply he melted away.

Heartbroken, he thought to himself about the wrongness surrounding his person. That not only did he find inadequacies and ugliness within his smile and his honesty due to an earlier account with a friend, he also figured that he managed to find a way to not even be able to heal correctly either. Certainly, he had heard that often the process of self growth had periods of regression and backwards development; however, he came to wonder if maybe that was a concept not pertaining to him.

He had long since added it to the paradox of rules already within his head in the hopes of achieving the unobtainable: perfection in the name of worth. With every human mistake made, each one without a malicious meaning behind it, he felt further and further away from his goal. As a result, what he wanted felt more and more like something he still hadn't come to earn.

Briefly, he thought to circulate his thoughts through signing; however, on considering what few people were allowed to hear him, she was one of them.

"I am just very.. smad over lots of things, I guess. I feel like.. like the Inside Out movie is playing twice over itself.. I'm both sad that Akatsuki is gone forever just as I am over Nicky having a team Muu to not having space for me at all. I'm.. I'm mad that I took to growing up as a means of safety when everybody else got it naturally and nicely in the same way I'm mad Sully gets to be called beautiful from people who make Muu feel like anything but. An- and I am just.."

It came on sudden. Exhaustion. That meant the medication he had been prescribed to for some time to assist with the physical reactions his body encountered as a result of traumatic stress was well at work. Easily could he have napped right on the floor with her there, but he still had more to say.

"Most of me just feels like a Fear would. I'm scared because.. because I don't know what is going to happen to me for making me be the only person to ever make Sully be that kind of mad and disappointed. I know what happened to me last time I made a boy with the black hair go from my friend to not being that, and now I be worried about what all the people gonna think of me.. I'm.. I'm maybe very big worried that the not very kind people are going to find where Muu is, and I will have made everything happen again instead of proving I have had good in me for the unconditional kind of safety and loving all of this whole time."

[jediken0bi]

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

-

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.