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thot4ellie · 3 months

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oh sweetheart pt 3

pairing: boxer!ellie x f! jesses sister!reader

word count: 5.4k!!! longest part yet yay

rating: 18+ (smut will be coming in later parts)

warnings: dealer! boxer!ellie, weed, alcohol, boxing, kissing, joel is dead in this, talk of abusive relationship, smoking, they’re drunk but eveything is consensual ofc! lmk if im missing anything

summary: you and ellie share a moment and both of you admit it :)

author notes: hi everyone thank you for all the love on this series <<<333 this is a good one! not all the way edited yet but i wanted to post cause i finished it 20 minutes ago! sorry for the wait but i think maybe some smut in the near future ;) requests are open and id love any feedback. thank you for 200 followers and over almost 2000 likes!! this is unbelievable and im so grateful! pls let me know if u want to be added to the taglist!!!

part 3 | part 4

series masterlist | main masterlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

finally friday is here, it feels like you’ve been counting the minutes until you see her again. you woke up around eleven am and put water in the kettle to make yourself some tea as you went to the bathroom to get your morning routine done, paramore playing over your speaker in the bathroom. your routine is something you’ve started to build since you moved to try and keep your anxiety at bay, not all the time it works but its a good way to get your day started. you started with washing your face, brushing your teeth, then brushing the bedhead out of the mess you call hair.

a couple minutes later, you hear the kettle hiss and you make your way back to the kitchen and turn off the stove. you picked your favorite mug out of your cabinet and make your tea. leaving the kitchen, you went back to sit on the couch and think about a million different outcomes that would possibly happen tonight when you see her. you wonder if you’re reading too much into the way she talked to you, was she even flirting with you at all? or just being nice? did she just feel bad about seeing what happened outside her gym?

your phone buzzed in the mist of your thoughts on your and you read a text from dina telling you they’re leaving for the gym around 7 and if you wanted a ride. before responding you pulled up the weather app on your phone and decided you could walk there, its a warm summer day out again and by the time the sun fell, it would be cool enough to walk and it was only about 15 minutes from your house, that and leaving open the possibility that she would want to drive you home again.

you texted her back saying that you would just meet them there. you looked at the time seeing its about eleven thirty so you still have a while until you have to leave. you decided you were gonna be productive today. you did laundry and washed your sheets, did the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and made a sandwich for lunch even thought by now it was 4 o clock. as you were walking around your apartment, you made a mental note to try and find some nice thrift stores around to help you decorate your place. you made your way to your bathroom to shower for tonight.

you love taking long showers, its your guilty pleasure. thanking god that your landlord pays your water bill as you dried off from the shower, put on your strawberry lotion, a big black t-shirt and fuzzy socks to hang around in while you did your hair and minimal makeup. you couldn’t stop thinking about seeing her tonight. new girl was playing on the tv in your room as you finished the final touches on your face. doing light everything since its hot but still wanting to look nice for the occasion: finally seeing her again.

four episodes later and its 6 o clock so you change into a pair of black levi shorts and a green top. your hair and makeup still looked good from earlier so nothing to touch up but you still triple checked yourself. you wish you could have smoked today to help beat the nerves but you wouldn’t have anything until tonight, smiling to yourself thinking of you and her on the phone both laughing when you asked if she was bribing you. you slipped on your converse, grabbed your bag, and locked the front door behind you and started making your way to ellie’s gym.

you got there around seven and you didn’t see jesses car yet but you did see hers. ellie’s beat up 2000 green honda cry sat in a spot towards the back of the parking lot. memories of you leaning on her window practically admitting you liked when she called you sweetheart and the peaceful feeling of comfortable silence you both held.

you heard someone call your name in the distance to turn and see dina getting out of the car, you were so concentrated on ellies car you didn’t even see them pull in. you made your way over and greeted them with a hug as dina wrapped your arm in hers and dragged you in with her, jesse following behind. you tried to calm your nerves but it just wasn’t working. not nervous about being here, even after what happened outside with the man last time, but of seeing her again. you’ve only spoken to her a handful of times but you thought of her more times than you can count.

as soon as you made it closer towards the front door, it was loud, like the first time you were here. loud people, loud lights, loud everything but now knowing it was ellie’s changed it. jesse held the door as dina went in first and you both followed. florescent lights beamed from above you, shining on the sweaty bodies in the gym. it was just like it was the first time you came. your nerves followed you everywhere, but it was worth seeing her again.

you went in and dina guided you guys to the same table you had last time. you wonder if they sit here every time. you looked around for ellie but you didn’t see her anywhere. you saw her car so she has to be here.

dina and jesse got up to go get drinks from the makeshift bar while you sat and waited for them to bring back your drink. you looked over to them waiting their turn when you heard something behind you.

“hey sweetheart,” she whispered close to your ear, and before you could respond she pulled out the the seat next to you and sat down.

“hey ellie,” you said almost startled. she was wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a black t shirt and all her tattoos were showing this time. it was almost mind blowing seeing her and you couldn’t even explain what it did to you. you don’t understand why a girl you barely know has this effect on you.

“i told you to call me el,” she said and laughed kindly towards you, “i have the stuff for you” she finished.

“oh thank you, i’d hope so considering that’s the reason i came,” you joked.

“wait you mean you didn’t come to see me?” she said sounding fake hurt.

“that was just a plus,” you flirted. dina and jesse came back to the table with the drinks before she responded to you and they both greeted ellie as they sat.

“hey els we didn’t see you before we ordered the drinks, i can go get one for ya?” jesse asked her.

“nah i’ll wait til the next round, thanks though” she told him. she smiled at you and the conversation started between all four of you, before you knew it an hour and a half passed, you had more three more rounds and just enjoyed your friday night. the match started and you find it so convenient that you can still see the ring from where the table is so theres no need to get up and watch considering its not ellie up there.

you watched for a bit until it was coming to the end, cheering erupted and ellie told dina and jesse that she was going out for a smoke, before she got up, she leaned over to you and whispered “you coming sweetheart?” softly in your ear, her face inches away from yours, then she moved back and smiled. she held out her hand and you held it as she pulled you up with her as you blushed so hard, you swear you turned into a tomato.

your eyes stayed on her hand holding yours and the beautiful moth tattoo covering her arm, not believing that she’s actually touching you again. you followed behind her as she moved with you through the gym towards the door, as you walked out still hand in hand you saw the side of the building, it was the same place she defended you the first time you met her.

she lead you over to a bench that you never even realized was there. your hands broke as you both sat, she went pull out her cigarette pack and the lighter from her back pocket when she noticed you were staring at her still. she smirked as she opened the pack, and surprisingly pulled out a joint. she put it in her mouth and brought the lighter up to it before telling you “its not polite to stare sweetheart.”

you blushed and looked away as soon as she said it. she laughed and she passed the joint to you, you told her you just couldn’t help it. and you really couldn’t, she’s breathtaking. the way her freckles danced across her whole face, her eyes had a small tint of brown circling her iris, the scar on her right eyebrow, the way her lips just sat perfectly on her face. you so badly want to reach out and touch them again.

you hit it a couple times, you are sure your cheeks haven’t been back to normal since you saw her and you wonder if she’s noticed. you passed her back the joint and she staring at you taking in every detail of you too as she brought it to her mouth and took a hit. blowing out the smoke she smirked, and said “i can’t either sweetheart.”

she leaned back against the bench, legs spread a little as she handed you the joint and asked, “so what brought you here besides jesse?” she acquired. you told her about living in brooklyn, above the cafe you worked and how your time spent there wasn’t totally great but the real reason was running from a shitty past, you weren’t ready to tell her specifics but you told her that’s why you left, you had to get away from what happened there but it was more like who. she told you she understood and then she told you “well i’m glad you’ve made your way here sweetheart.”

you don’t know if it was the alcohol or weed but you sat outside on the bench for another 20 minutes, smoking and laughing as you talked about so much: you talked about the tv shows you’re both watching, the albums you had on repeat, the guilty pleasures you both had and what you both did in your free time. you spoke to one another like you’ve known each other for years. it just feels so good to talk to someone like this again.

she learned that your parents live in portland, so moving coasts was a big deal but you felt like you were on auto-pilot growing up and you knew you had to get out when you could, she learned that you dropped out of college two years and haven’t made any plans to go back but you would like to. you told her a couple funny stories about you and jesse growing up and she laughed at them all.

you found out that she plays guitar and that she spends time drawing and journaling. you learn that ellie was adopted when she was 14, she grew up in boston, and she has an older sister named sarah but that she doesn’t come around much anymore since she gotten married. she told you that her dad passed away from a heart attack about a year ago and since then, her and her uncle tommy.

“im sorry to hear about your dad els” you sympathized.

“its okay sweetheart, just fucking sucks sometimes.” she responded softly as she put the joint out next to her and slipped it back in her cigarette pack. instead this time she pulled out a cigarette and lit that this time. she slid it in her pocket before she stood up off the bench, offering you her hand again and said you should probably head back inside.

you grabbed her warm hand and stood up to follow her, you started the walk towards the side door but before she opened it, she turned around to you and faced you.

“hey sweetheart?” she asked.

“yes els?” you waited for her to continue, her hand still covering yours.

“im glad you came sweetheart, this was nice, i mean as nice as it gets sitting on the side of this place,” she laughed softly, you felt like she was closer than ever but maybe because you just wanted her to be, “you know, id love to do this again.. and maybe play you something on my guitar.. if you want.” she said almost nervously, feeling the urge to look away from you.

“i would love that els.” you said, looking up from staring at your hands together to smiling in her face. you cant believe she asked you, part of you prayed she would, you knew there was a connection here. she realized it too. your eye contact never faded as you stood here.

“great, im looking forward to it more than you know,” she told you sweetly. she let go out hand and you felt slight disappoint in your heart as you assumed she was going to turn around and open the door and this moment would be over. instead, she brought her hand up to your face and let it rest on your cheek as she brushed her thumb over it. the touch of her warm hand sent sparks through your body this time and you couldn’t be bothered moving as she grew closer to you.

“you have no idea how much i wanna kiss you right now.” she whispered, from only what felt like two inches away from your lips. fuck, you thought silently. she was so close to you, you could feel her breathe as she spoke.

“please do it.” you practically whined, you couldn’t take this anymore. all you wanted to do was feel her lips on yours. after you spoke, you felt her thumb move from your cheek to brushing your lips softly. the drinks you had definitely brought out your confident and the want you had for her.

“oh sweetheart,” she purred towards you, “how badly i want to but it has to be more special than this.” she said moving her thumb back to your red cheek.

“just as long as it happens el,” you responded, breathing heavier as your nerves grew in anticipation.

she nodded as she slowly moved her hand off your face and brought it down to your hip and gave it a squeeze, still smiling at you as she reached to open the door and let you through in front of her.

you walk back into the gym and went to find jesse and dina. you saw jesse at the bar and ellie went over to him, telling you she was getting more drinks. you went over to dina at the table and took a seat next to her. you asked her how the match went and she told you same as always and nothing crazy this time.

“you guys were out there for a while, whats up with that?” dina asked while smirking and wiggling her eyebrows at you.

“dina…” you laughed, “we just smoked and talked for a bit.” you replied to her.

“sureeee that’s all, we see the way you look at her!”, she squealed, “and the way she looks at you, it just seems pretty obvious.”

you laughed and told her that nothing happened yet but you did admit to her that you wanted it to.

“stop we knew it!” she laughed loudly and hit the table in excitement. you pulled your hands to your face that was full of embarrassment.

“what do you mean you knew it, was it obvious?” you gasped. your eyes darting towards ellie at the makeshift bar.

“to me and jesse yes.” she told you still smiling over the fact that her two friends maybe starting something new soon.

as you went to reply, the drinks were on the table, jesse and ellie were back already at the table pulling their chairs. the conversation between you and dina came to a halt as you all started talking. you all sat, conversing and finished your last round by the time it hit around 11 pm. you were getting tired and you were definitely drunk after all the rounds of drinks everyone bought. the matches ended an hour ago and you guys were the last few people left besides the lady behind the bar and a couple stragglers paying their tab and chatting.

“hey i think me and d are gonna head out,” he said looking over to dina, who was definitely feeling all the drinks she had, he laughed and said, “this one needs to make it home into bed. can you make it home okay? i can take you now if you need” he asked talking to you.

“no i’m gonna take her home.” ellie cut in before you could respond. you looked at her and smiled as jesse told you to text when you both got home safe. he helped dina up and they made their way to the door. your eyes followed til they left and then you turned to ellie, who was already staring at you.

“that okay sweetheart? that i take you home again?” she asked smirking towards you.

“yeah els, that’s okay.” you blushed as she stood up and put her hand out for the third time tonight. you connected your hands again. touching her had your skin was burning up. you followed her into a back office. paperwork, receipts, and random things littered the room. as you looked around and saw a decent couch, a safe in the corner and a coffee area on a little table and a large desk with folders and boxes of things you didn’t know.

you watched as ellie disconnected your hands to go over to pick up her backpack from the side of the couch and then she grabbed a jacket she had hanging over the deck of the chair to the desk, she slid it over her shoulders then grabbed a piece of paper, writing something non legible from where you were standing. she smiled when she turned towards you and held her arm out motioning to the door for you guys to exit.

the stragglers were gone and the bartender bid ellie goodnight as she walked out the front door. you walked the distance of the gym and made it to the door with ellie, she leaned over and turned the lights off and then held the door opened for you.

you told her thank you and she nodded towards you, “i think we should walk, it’s not far from your apartment.” she spoke looking towards you for confirmation as she turned and locked up the gym for the night.

“that’s okay but how are you going to get home without your car?” you asked. you didn’t want her walking home alone either, you knew she could handle herself but still, the thought made you worry.

“i’m only 5 minutes away from you actually so its not far, ill be back for my car tomorrow.” she told you. you nodded and both of you continued to walk the sidewalk in a comfortable silence next to each other. you glanced up at the sky, noticing the stars and the way the moon beamed over the city. it was so much cooler now than it was earlier and you moved to brush over the goosebumps that covered your arms. ellie noticed your movement and took off her jacket. you turned when you noticed what she was going and told her, “no its okay we’ll be there soon i don’t need it.”

“sorry sweetheart, got to make sure you stay warm.” she smirked as she put it over your shoulders and watched as you put your arms in. you smiled to her as you readjusted it and continued the walk to your place. the smell of her engulfed you and you’ve never felt so comfortable.

“its so beautiful.” you whispered, “and quiet, new york was never like this. they don’t lie when they say the city never sleeps ya know?” you finished.

the city you moved to that you wish you could escape from. the shitty and abusive relationship you wish you could leave behind. the things you tried the most to forget. you never spoke about it, you just ran. the city you wished had better memories connected with it. but now all you want is to create new memories.

when you moved across the country, you told yourself that you’re not getting into anything here because you know you need to heal from the those years of abuse and insecurity so the last thing you expected was to meet ellie and end up feeling this way about her. you don’t want this to happen and you ruin it because you aren’t okay but with her, you feel like you could be okay one day.

“i could only imagine, boston was a busy place too but not the same, it always is quiet here.” she chuckled softly.

“i love it, things finally seem calm now.” you smiled as you looked her. she took in the sight of you in her jacket and she loved it. she can only imagine seeing you wear her t shirts… or nothing at all. she shook the thoughts from her head but she just couldn’t help it. you were the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen. you were breathtaking. she couldn’t believe she’d met someone like you in this shitty small town.

the town where her dad and her moved, and the memories of them together haunted her. now that he was gone, she knew a piece of her was missing. things were incomplete without him. he was all she thought about, the guilt of what happened and how she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

the only time ellie wasn’t thinking about joel was when she was thinking about you, she was grateful that she met you. she didn’t know what this was going to turn into but she hoped it would be something. she sees the effects she has on you and she wishes she really knew how to communicate with you that she feels the same way about you.

you continued the walk in a comfortable silence, both of you wrapped in your thoughts of each another and eventually made it to the front of your building. you turned to face her with a smile,“here i am,” you spoke softly to her, not wanting the night to come to an end.

“here you are, thank you for letting me take you home sweetheart, call it peace of mind,” she admitted.

“thank you for walking me els… do you want to come up?” you said without a thought. you didn’t know if this is was the alcohol talking but you know you didn’t regret it when you said it and you wish that’s what you could blame it on but you knew you wanted this even sober.

“if you want me to sweetheart” she smirked as she responded.

you stepped closer to her as you looked at her, only a couple inches away from her face, watching her eyes move from your eyes to your lips. you knew you both could feel the tension.

“please just say yes.” you sighed wishing you could feel her lips on yours already.

“okay sweetheart, lets go.” she pulled away but connected your hands and it took you a second to recognize that she agreed. you turned around, suddenly nervous about the fact that she’s going to see where you spend your days. you opened the door to the lobby, and ellie held the door as you both walked in. she followed you up the stairs by the front, and you made your way to the front door as you held ellie’s hand in one and used the other to pull your keys from your bag.

you unlocked the door and you brought ellie in with you before the door was shut and you were locking it. you took off her jacket and put it on your coat rack and turned to look at her.

“okay it’s kind of a mess so i’m sorry but-“ you started before she cut you off.

“sweetheart, your place is practically spotless, you should see mine.” ellie laughed.

you laughed as you pulled ellie over to the green couch that took up a lot of your living room but it was a dream purchase and you loved it. you told ellie to take a seat as you walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some water for you both. as you were walking back towards her, she was digging around in her backpack. as you placed the waters down and took a seat, she pulled out weed in a jar and handed it to you.

“here this is yours.” she said.

“oh thank you! i totally forgot, do you want to smoke now- fuck i don’t think i have anything to roll with.” you told her as you went to open the windows in your living room.

instead of saying anything, she reached back into her backpack and pulled out a jar of already rolled joints.

“i came prepared.” she laughed, “and you won’t owe me anything for that.” she said, motioning to the stuff she gave you as her hands were cracking open the jar of pre-rolls.

“ellie- no i’ll give you the cash,” but she shook her head no and brought the lighter to the joint between her lips.

“no, it’s on me, don’t worry about it.” she responded as she took a hit.

“do you give other people weed for free?” you asked, looking at her as she was smoking while sitting next to you on the couch. you wish you could stay like this forever.

“only pretty girls that i like…” she said sweetly as you held eye contact as she handed you the joint.

“oh so you think i’m pretty?” you teased her as you took a hit.

“sweetheart, i think you’re the prettiest girl i’ve ever seen.” she told you. you instantly blush and look away from her, trying not to choke on the smoke you held in your lungs.

“thank you els, i think you’re beautiful.” you said to her. when you looked up, you saw her cheeks tint lightly as she grabbed the joint you held out to her.

“thanks sweetheart.” she said as she put the joint down on a cup at the table you’d been using as an ashtray and she brought her hand up and held your cheek like she did earlier. you couldn’t help yourself as you nuzzled your face into her warm hand. your eye contact only made the tension in the room worse.

“you really are beautiful… sweetheart, can i?” she asked as she looked down at your lips. you nodded and as she came closer, your lips just barely brushing, as she asked, “i need to hear you pretty girl.”

“yes please els- please just kiss me already.” you begged.

her lips were on yours before you could even realized this was actually happening. your lips moved slow together at first but you couldn’t help yourself from deepening the kiss as ellie brought her other hand up and tangled it in your hair as you moaned, her tongue slipped into your mouth, both of you tasting the weed and alcohol you consumed.

one of your hand rested against her chest and the other gripping her arm as you melted into the kiss. both ellie’s hands were in your hair now as your tongues continued to fight for dominance but you let her win and moaned again and she swallowed it as she kissed you.

ellie pulled your leg over her lap so you straddled her, never breaking your lips apart. your lips continued to move in sync as you grinded against her. her hands on your hips moving with you. your lips stay connected until you broke the kiss to come up for air and rested your forehead on hers.

“you okay sweetheart?” ellie panted as she caught her breath too.

“yes els just need a second.” you said as your eyes stayed shut while you tried to control your breathing. you couldn’t believe that you guys finally kissed. the tension was killing you both and now it’s finally happened.

“hey it’s okay, take your time sweetheart.” ellie said as she rubbed a hand along your thigh at a comfortable pace, brushing the cloth from your shorts as she moved it. she brought the other one up to your cheek and lifted your head to look at you. you looked tired and ellie didn’t want to take full advantage of you after you guys had been drinking and smoking all night.

“hey sweetheart, lets get you to bed, we’ll finish this another time i promise.” she said sweetly as you mumbled an “okay els thank you,” and moved off her lap to sit back on the couch. ellie stood up and offered her hand. you stood up and walked both of you to your bedroom.

you moved to sit on the edge of your king sized bed and ellie stood in front of you still holding your hand as you asked her if she wanted to stay the night because it was late and you didn’t want her walking home.

“sure sweetheart i’ll sleep on the couch, and only for your peace of mind.” she chuckled, thinking back to the conversation earlier.

“els we can share the bed, it’s okay, i’ll keep my hands to myself.” you joked and she laughed.

“i don’t think i’d be complaining if you couldn’t but i’m okay on the couch.” ellie insisted.

“els please just lay with me.” you said looking up at her as she moved her hand to rest on your cheek again.

“okay sweetheart.” she finally agreed.

you smiled up at her and you took ellie’s hand from your face and guided her into the bathroom connected to your room. she watched as you bent down and opened the sink cabinet and grabbed a toothbrush. you turned around and handed it to her with a smile. you guys brushed your teeth and then went back into your bedroom.

ellie stood here as you moved across the room to your dresser, and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts from your drawer and handed them over to ellie. she told you thank you and you smiled at her. ellie walked into the bathroom to change and you walked back to the dresser. you stripped yourself of your shirt and bra before throwing on a different oversized tee and changing your underwear. you didn’t even realize you were soaked after what happened on the couch.

ellie watched you as she leaned against the bathroom door frame as you untangled the sides of your underwear after you pulled them up.

“you’re perfect”, she thought in head before speaking out loud. “thanks sweetheart.” you turned around when ellie spoke, sending her a smile before you moved to your side of the bed, you grabbed the duvet and moved it so you both were able to get in your bed.

you and ellie laid facing each other in a comfortable silence as you were both growing incredibly tired. you felt your eyes starting to get heavy and felt ellie’s hand brush your hair back from your face so you kept your eyes open to look at her.

“el?” you whispered.

“yes sweetheart?” she spoke quietly back to you.

“i really like you… i don’t know if this is too early but it just feels right.”

“i feel it too sweetheart, i like you too so don’t worry,” ellie said softly, hand still holding your face, “now get some sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning pretty girl.”

“goodnight els.” you whispered.

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inkblotsinkblots-alt · 3 months

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My experience with [band]

My experience with [band] and [band]'s management starts in April 2022. I had emailed the band's business email that used to be in their bio in December 2021, and in April 2022 I got a response. I had been asked if I was available within the next couple of weeks to come down to Brighton and do a photo shoot with the band. Management really liked my work, and wanted to work with me. I was asked to provide my rates and any expenses that would incur. I had asked if I would be at least credited for these images on social media (tagged etc ...), and management said that they could not commit to that at that time. This photo shoot did not happen.

I worked with [band] for the first and only time in January 2023 and photographed / videoed their set.

I was completely blindsided by the fact that this could’ve been a huge opportunity for me, and it could change my career completely. When I got the email inviting me to work with the band, I screamed and actually worried my parents for a few minutes. I agreed to terms that I shouldn’t have (not a full written agreement, but various statements in emails). In hindsight I had no clue what some of them meant (and I think the band’s management knew that).

There was no formal contract, only emails. The band would own my photos 'in perpetuity' and when I asked what that meant, they (management) said that 'the band have the freedom to use them however they please'. Making money off of my photos, and putting them on merch that they would then sell out of, was not mentioned. I was under the impression they would only be using the photos on social media as I did not get any clarification, even though I asked for it. I wanted to press for a more detailed answer, but I was afraid that I'd lose the job.

This was never about the money that I'd potentially make from having my photos on merch, it's that I didn't even know it was happening. I was also 'allowed' to upload '3-4' photos to my social media from the gig, even though they were my photos. I was stupid enough to agree with this. Again, I felt as though if I challenged this I would lose the job.

At the end of the show in January 2023 I was promised at least a couple of shows on the upcoming tour, as '[I was] great to work with. Such a pleasure.' I have no evidence that I was offered shows during that tour as it was said to me in person. I was then let down at the beginning of March (after multiple follow up emails) with 'I don't think there is the additional need for your services also' when I asked about discussing the tour. I was devastated.

I was offered photo passes* to subsequent Manchester gigs and I took them as they had no strings attached, and the band would not own my images (that's why you've seen a lot of them on my socials).

I met a bunch of well-known creators, musicians and photographers while working with [band] and they were all so very sweet. Some of which I am still in contact with today, and some I am good friends with. I am very grateful for this.

I fully support Shelby, she is so incredibly brave for talking about her experiences, and it's because of her bravery that I felt confident enough to share my experience - although very different in nature.

I fully believe that [band]’s management wanted to take advantage of fans who wanted to photograph [band]’s gigs. And pay them as little as possible with no consistency in pay between photographers or how many photos they were allowed to post. (This is my own opinion)

I am not the only one that has had a negative experience with [band] and their management as a photographer / creative, but those are not my stories to tell and if they want to comment then they will. Please don't speculate on who these people are or harass them on social media, they have every right to not want to talk about their experiences. Please respect everyone involved.

Massive love, take care of yourselves.

(*Photo passes are offered to press photographers and non-touring photographers. They shoot the first three songs from the photo pit and then leave. Either to go into the crowd for the rest of the gig, or leave the gig entirely.)

please do not edit this post or reblog, do not take screenshots and post this on twitter or any other social media platform, thank you.

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fairytopea · 4 months

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thank you sm bbs ୨୧ 1000 !

✩ ⸝⸝ omg ?? it was only a month ago that i reached my 1st ever milestone that is 500 and im so glad to have reached 1K now already tysm! 🫶🏼

✩ ⸝⸝ i am extremely grateful to everyone who has supported my account i literally love you guys so so much 💌 ive only been active here for 4 - 5 months so tysm for helping my blog grow this much. everyone here is soso sweet and all of ur mbs are so gorgeous & always inspire me ! 🧡

✩ ⸝⸝ few blogs that i absolutely adore ! my loves are all soso talented <3 all of you guys are so precious and seeing your posts makes me so happy & interacting with u guys makes my day !

✩ ⸝⸝ @y2qi @y-vna @7hyein @vivrhan

@fleuris @fuckici @jenfaery @minslune

@jnthri @munequitta @yeonzzen @y-eonji

@p-oisn @i04rei @gaecoo @yrminji

@gigittamic @jaes1lvr @f-loqweres @vg-k

@crazyfrm @dollswan @j-eongs @menhpy

@fyidor @bambicito @lil-liaa @tookio

@ultrar @mjngs

#fairy diaries #milestone : 1 k #divider plutism — icons mine #itzy #yeji

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princemick · 4 months

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GOOD EVENING (for european standard time) EVERYONE AND WELCOME TO!!

the results of the f1blr survey (if you dont care about the graphic or the most mentioned blogs here's a direct link to the form results!

if u want to leave now all I wanna do is to encourage you to take 10 minutes of ur time rn to send a kind lil message to ur fav blogs to keep the vibes going n I hope ur day is wonderful! <3

now for the most mentioned blogs which also counts as a short blog rec post according to the 73 people who answered this form!

(for clarity, I choose to remove myself from all these replies because I think it's incredibly biased and so not relevant or interesting to mention myself)

NOW ONTO THE MOST MENTIONED!!

ARTISTS!

@penaltyboxboxbox with give or take 23 mentions!

@storm3326 with give or take 13 mentions!

@ilikecarsandlike4people with give or take 13 mentions!

GIFMAKERS!

@yesloulou with give or take 12 mentions!

@argentinagp with give or take 9 mentions!

@userhamilton and @arturleclerc who both got give or take 7 mentions!

GRAPHIC DESIGNERS!

@argentinagp with give or take 18 mentions!

and then there were a lot of different people mentioned most of which about 2/3 times so here's all of those:

@queerbenched @alpinelogy @livetogether--diealone @formulaonedirection

WRITERS!

there were...lets say the most answers came form this category, most of the people mentioned were in there 2 times so here's a bunch of blogs that were all mentioned around 5-3 times!

@officialmood @bejwled @toastandvegemite @yekoc @effervescentdragon @hourcat @hungriestheidi @veryspecificfantasies

COMMENTARY!

@vegasgrandprix with give or take 7 mentions!

@karlmarxverstappen with give or take 6 mentions!

@raceweek and @race-weekwith give or take 4 mentions I think but I wouldn't be surprised if people forgot the dah so here they are together <3

and lastly, here are some replies to the share with the class question that I personally really liked!

"I love F1 even if it’s “boring”! Watching cars go 300km and hour is always fun even if the winner is always the same . For me, there’s always been Seb winning, and then Lewis winning and now Max, so it’s fun! Plus there’s always so much tea and all drivers are hilarious and I’m so fond of them! And the history is so cool!!!! And I count all the wdc champions before sleeping instead of sheeps! All I need are ferrari bedsheets, and I’m done I’m 22 how did I get to this point?"

"I've been so thankful for the support f1blr has extended to me, and it's a fandom I really feel at home in, so I'm so happy to get a chance to shout out some of the wonderful and talented people in this fandom with me! Such a fantastic idea."

"I am legit so grateful we have so many creative and brilliant people in f1blr, it makes my enjoyment of the sport I've loved for so many years that much better"

"i’ve only been on f1blr since the summer but i’ve felt soooo welcomed and made so many nice friends <333 love u guys"

"I’m so bad at remembering names but all of you have made my first year on f1blr a lovely experience!"

"Keep doing what you love! Stay safe, enjoy life, and be happy. I love you all!!! 🫶🏻"

"Looking forward to spending the '24 season with this amazing community!!"

and so so many more kind responses! thank you to everyone who participated it was really nice to see this and watch us come together for a lil pls do keep spreading the love and send out some asks to your fav blogs!!

and thats all for now, goodnight and until next time!

#got 19 mentions myself which is like...I wouldnt get that many more then the others if it wasnt my poll like akjsdbak anyway this was fun #pls do read the results its really nice to read some stuff directed at u #also this is not a me rec list btw #there r some in these list that have not been nice to me before n people I dont follow just bc idk I dont so like dont get annoyed at me #this is lit just spreading some love that OTHER people left <3 #kyle.txt #f1 #f1edit #f1blr

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thesensteawitch · 3 months

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IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR SHADOW

🌑🪶🌑🪶🌑🪶🌑🪶

Pick A Pile Reading

🌑(Left To Right- Pile 1, Pile 2 and Pile 3)🌑

Hello, Senstea Souls!

I am back after a long time! Hufff! Missed me?🥹Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and are happy. Today's reading will reveal an important message from your shadow side.

I am also offering ‘integrate your shadow’ reading only at $9.

-Book Your Reading

-Rate Card

-Tip My Blog (I would be grateful if you support my blog!)

Pile 1

Cards- King of Swords, death, the high priestess, the emperor, ace of Wands, 10 of Swords, 9 of Wands, 8 of swords

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. I hope you're doing well.

Are you going through something enormously difficult? I hear “I don't want to fight and I don't want to sleep in the dark.” This is what you feel towards your own shadows pile 1. You're tired of trying to figure out what's wrong with you and your life. Lion and Owl are coming up strongly. Which means with courage by your side you'll find your answers. You're underconfident about your own judgements. I know you can't see yet but you will. Though you're destined to go through this transformation finding the light is still in your hands. Your mind has your hands chained which is of course an illusion. Your shadow wants to tell you that you've tied your own hands. Your life can be in your control. Your shadow is saying that you're ignoring your intuition. You want everything backed up by facts but that's not how life works. Strawberries and cigarettes all taste the same to you which means you're losing the appetite for life. All because you can't see clearly only because you think too much. Your shadow pushes you to overthink and makes you believe that thinking will give you answers but it won't. Because thinking has never solved any problem completely. You can only perceive and think based on the memories stored in your system but intuition is raw. Intuition can tell you things that you've never known and where thinking can never reach. You're halfway in your journey of realising your potential. You're halfway in the dark tunnel. Your mind can only take you so far now beyond this you need to allow your intuition to take the lead sometimes. You're about to have a spiritual awakening pile 1 don't strangle your spirit and give so much importance to the mind and the memory. Sit still. Let stillness take you in. Stop giving excuses. Just let life happen to you and choose grace. Things are not as difficult as you think. You don't need to overburden yourself with the constant need to find all the answers right away. Life isn't about finding the answers but finding yourself. Your shadow wants you to first accept that it's there. Only then you can accept all parts of yourself. To understand your shadow better book a “integrate your shadow” reading with me. DM to book your reading!

Pile 2

Cards- Ace of Cups, king of Wands, 5 of Pentacles, Queen of Wands, 4 of Pentacles, knight of swords, knight of Pentacles, justice, 2 of swords, 5 of Cups, 5 of Wands

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. I hope you're doing well.

You're not happy with what you have in pile 2. Your shadow side is saying that you live with a lack of mindset. Sparks of inspiration and motivation come to you but they also disappear as soon as they arrive. You are not able to live up to the ideal dream life that you have in your mind. There's a need for you to heal yourself emotionally. You really need to cry it all out. You've also compared yourself with the outer world. I hear, “I have got my eye on you!” What is that you want, pile 2? What is it that you think someone has and you don't? I see that you feel that everyone is making progress except you. All of their journeys are unique and different. I sense that there are people involved in your life or around you who you think are doing better than you. This is heartbreaking to see that you're deciding your worth based on others' life. Don't you see how hard you've worked and for how long you've been trying to build your dream life? You don't see it happening but that doesn't mean nothing's changing. There so much happening for you behind the scenes. Your whole spirit team is so happy with your efforts and wants to give you a tight hug! You'll also see results pile 2. Be patient. Open your heart and express. Release the pain because good things are coming. I know you're trying to get over all this pain but that's the point stop trying. Surender the fruits of your labour on God. He'll take care of your rewards and will give you when the time is right. Focus on taking care of your garden. If you just see your future self right now you wouldn't even believe that it's you! There's something you need to release and your shadow wants you to release that as it's creating obstacles on your path. Let go of what's not serving you anymore. Now is the time. Justice will befall you and the scales will be balanced again. Make space in your life to receive the blessings. To understand yourself better book a “integrate your shadow” reading with me. DM to book your reading.

Pile 3

Cards- Page of Pentacles, 2 of Swords, King of Wands, Queen of Cups, Knight of Swords, Justice, Page of Swords

Hello, my beautiful pile 1. I hope you're doing well.

Is someone from your past showing up again? If you're dealing with someone but don't know if to trust this person or not then you're asked by your shadow side not to trust this person. Don't let your past hold you back! I also see that you have options. You have got the urge to choose the one who you know deep down isn't right for you. You need to release one connection. And if there's only one person who is from the past then let go of this person because the universe is soon going to bless you with a new person. Either way, you're asked to choose someone stable and reliable. Don't fall for someone's appearance or their words. Look at their actions! This other person or new person will do justice to you and will treat you right. The past connection will only bring more confusion and won't let you be free. There's something irresistible about you due to which this person is drawn to you. Reject this person's offer because if you're in no contact then they will soon be contacting you. This person perhaps was good to you in the past and that's why you can't digest that they can even be something from what you have imagined of them. You're unable to accept the reality and I also feel that this person who you already know had some past life connection with you and now you're supposed to break this cycle. Someone has to! Because it's karmic. This old connection is not where you're supposed to be. Things with this person have always been short-lived because it was a karmic connection. Your shadow side wants you to realise who you are and don't make yourself small for this person. I hear, “I don't wanna tip toe, but I don't wanna hide. But don't wanna feed this monstrous fire just wanna let this story die. And I'll be alright. We can't be friends. But I would like to just pretend. You cling to your papers and pens. Wait until you like me again.” These are the thoughts of your shadow and it's asking you to not feed them. Because no pile 3 you're not supposed to wait for them to love you. Love yourself! This person dims your light because I can see that you're someone else when you're not around them. They somehow want to control you. This new person/the second person is with whom you're destined to be in this lifetime. A new life awaits for you. As you release this karmic connection you'll be forging towards your destiny. Expect powerful changes. Here the energy is quite confusing as I do see three people involved. Choose wisely and do not forget that you need to love yourself first. Sometimes we tend to choose people just so that we feel worthy of love. To understand yourself better book a “integrate your shadow” reading with me. DM to book your reading.

#pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot #pick a picture #shadow self #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #pick a pile #message for the collective #divine messages #divine guidance #spirit guides #spirituality #tarot reader #tarot cards #tarotblr #tarot readings #free tarot reading

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thechekhov · 10 months

Note

If I may, what’s your biggest regret/joy from making this series into what it is? I hate the AUs that are just “The show but everything is exactly the same minus slight differences that don’t amount to anything” so your comic has a deep place in my heart :)

That's an interesting question!

(Though I AM personally fond of AU stories with more fundamental change, I don't particularly feel like the hate towards those 'change a minor thing' AUs is justified. There are many ways those stories can be very engaging! They're different for sure, but they, too, have value!)

I think my biggest joy has been the fact that I'm able to continue the comic.

It's my largest project by far and I've had a lot of growth because of it! Drawing over 200 episodes that's kinda inevitable but regardless, I'm grateful for the circumstances which have allowed me to keep it going. For the readers, for the luck I've had in my job, and for my partner's support!

My biggest regret is.... honestly nothing?

I could say I regret not taking this comic more seriously from the beginning.... but it was the casual nature of Season 1 that allowed me to keep it running in the first place! If I had been trying for season 3-4 art from the beginning, I would have probably burned out and quit much earlier!

I could say I regret small changes here and there, but again - all my previous decisions have made the comic into what it is today! All my choices have compounded into the story's current arc.

What I DO regret is...... because I now have to juggle my IRL job and my comic and GMing, I have very little time for anything else.

I also regret that this workload makes me an even grumpier person than I am naturally, and sometimes I just don't have the patience to present myself in a PR-positive light. I grow frustrated with readers who assume I have more time than I do, and I get annoyed by those who expect me to perform customer service work and answer questions (which are in the FAQ). I know it isn't their fault, and I KNOW I should appreciate their curiosity... but being tired all the time means I sometimes cannot react reasonably to answering the same question 100 times.

And it's hard! It's hard to have to be the 'face' of a comic and be expected to interact with everyone with an everlasting smile, even when I'm bone tired. I'm not even a social person by nature! I don't want to be a public figure. I don't need people to idolize me. I just wanna draw.

But that's less of a comic regret and more just a general regret of not realizing that this is a part of my 'job' now.

I wish all the other artists that use tumblr or twitter or any of those other sites a very 'you do NOT have to wear the Social Media Personality hat'.

anyway............the point is............ it's mostly joy! No real regrets about the comic itself.

#chekhov answers #steven universe #white diamond steven #ask white pearl and steven #wdau

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matthewkniesys · 10 months

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LA - trevor zegras x famous singer!reader au

a/n: so every time gracie plays a new show at the eras tour i'm making an edit for it (since shes the face claim) so here you go!! we are here!! it's the last leg of the usa eras tour and that means y/n's last show!

trevor zegras x famous singer!reader

yourusernameofficial

Liked by @/ taylorswift, radvxz, abbyweiser and 704 304 others

yourusernameofficial - okay so where to start... i don't even know. this has been the most amazing summer and the best experience of my life. i'm so grateful to have gotten this opportunity and i cannot begin express how i'm feeling.

thank you to @/taylorswift for your friendship, your guidance, and for letting me be a part of your amazing tour. getting to see you preform every night was the most magical thing in the world.

thank you to all the amazing crew who helped run this show because it could never have been possible without you.

thank you to everyone who supported me, especially my mom, my dad, my best friend bea @/radvxz, and to you guys who were there with me every step of the way.

thank you. i will forever be thinking about this.

Tagged: @/ taylorswift

View Top Comments

taylorswift - 💙💙💙💙💙

↳ fan17 - 5 BLUE HEARTS WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TAYLOR

↳ y/n#1fan - 👀

*view 16 457 other replies*

trevorzegras - so very proud of you and so extremely happy to have been beside you for this journey 💙

↳ yourusernameofficial - 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

↳ fan283 - WAIT trevor was travelling with y/n???

↳ y/nfan3 - probably not cause we probably would've seen him at more than just the 4 shows he was spotted at

↳ fan17 - trevor with a blue heart too??? and y/n with 5 hearts??? you guys are killing me

radvxz - bestie i love you, you are stunning, you are amazing, you deserve the world and i am so proud of you 💙

↳ yourusernameofficial - bestie i love YOU, YOU are stunning, YOU are amazing, YOU deserve the world and i am so proud of YOU 🤍

↳ fan17 - NO MORE BLUE HEARTS I CAN'T

fan1989 - i love you y/n i'm so happy i got to see you on the best night of my life

*yourusernameofficial liked this comment*

jamie.drysdale - my best friend

↳ trevorzegras - nope y/n is my best friend

↳ yourusernameofficial - nope jamie's my best friend not you trevor

↳ radvxz - what about me??

↳ yourusernameofficial - you are my ride or die forever, my sister

↳ radvxz - i won

jack.hughes - honestly seeing y/n and taylor live in one night was the best experience of my life

*yourusernameofficial liked this comment*

trevorzegras

Liked by @/ yourusernameofficial, jamie.drysdale, jack.hughes and 403 945 others

trevorzegras - recharging after the best experience of y/n's life

Tagged: @/ yourusernameofficial

View Top Comments

fan17 - awww they're together

fan3 - can't be convinced they aren't dating like people usually recharge by themselves but they want to spend time together so badly they are doing it together

jamie.drysdale - me not being there is honestly the biggest loss

↳ yourusernameofficial - agreed

↳ trevorzegras - disagreed

↳ jamie.drysdale - honestly y/n should just ditch trev and come to canada

↳ yourusernameofficial - looking at tickets rn

↳ trevorzegras - uh no you're not... i'm trapping you here with me

↳ yourusernameofficial - jamie save me

fanaccount8 - coffee date perhaps??

*trevorzegras liked this comment*

jack.hughes - i love y/n so much, like literally the coolest person in the world

↳ yourusernameofficial - factsss

y/nfan6 - they are gonna hard launch in the next month mark my words

thanks for reading🫶requests are always open for fics, blurbs, ig edits and just thoughts!!

taglist: @woodruff-edwards @nicohischierz @makarhughes @cobrakaisb @huggy-hischier94 @boldysswld@cole-mcward48@kashee-h@kjohnson-91 @jackhues @corneliaskates @imma-mirrorball @hvghes @emptyflowerpots @h0e4fictionalme-n @ivy-34 @jayisamirrorball @diary-of-jj @estapa94 @whenjasfallsinlove @sammiejane22

join my taglist

#claires aus #trevor zegras x famous singer!reader #<- au tag #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras #x reader #nhl imagine #trevor zegras imagine #jack hughes #cole caufield #alex turcotte #claire tries writing <3 #fake ig edit #social media au

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connorsnothereeither · 2 months

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OH BOY- 😅 ITS BRINK UPDATE TIME

So um… it’s reached that point where every few months I redetermine when I think the Brink series will actually end.

And I’ve sort of reached an uncomfortable position of… I don’t really know? One of my biggest fears I had when writing this series early on was that this silly little fanfiction would still being the main thing I’m writing/working on, even long after Fable SMP is finished, and with the finale rapidly approaching, and the fact that I’m barely through the 3rd book out of 4 (not to mention still trying to edit books 1 and 2) that’s becoming more and more of a certain scenario.

I suppose, in the end, I’ve settled on a compromise with myself, of sorts?

I am going to keep writing Brink for as long as it takes to tell that story, and to tell it well. Maybe it’s a touch of the gamblers fallacy, but… I’ve spent so much time on this fic series now, I don’t want to force myself to race to the finish line? I want to take my time, and handle something which, as silly as it sounds, has become very special to me, with the care it deserves.

And I suppose I can only hope that, moving forwards, even after Fable is over those who have enjoyed reading Brink will still enjoy reading it, and will want to see that story finished as much as I do. I cannot express how much I am grateful for the support on those fics from absolutely everyone, and it feels like a disservice to that support to not take my time finishing the series properly, even if it takes a while.

With that being said, I do hope that at least in some form, the series will be done by if not the end of 2024, then by this time next year. Not a promise, but an ideal scenario.

Anyway, all that being said, if anyone is interested, here are some updates on how Brink is coming along:

The physical printable/bindable copy of Brink should be made available to download fully edited by the end of April.

Likewise, the Brink Audiobook should be completed by the end of April (I’m in the final run of editing now).

The Edge audiobook is in production! Chapters will begin releasing as soon as the Brink audiobook concludes, however there will likely be a short hiatus afterwards

Likewise, audiobooks of the short stories are in production!

Edge and Border are currently in the middle of a major editing rehaul, for a lot of reasons. It is sadly going to take a while. Hopefully, however, by the end, they will be cleaner, more compelling stories.

Border is not technically on hiatus, as I’m still working on chapters, but it is certainly delayed while previous books/chapters are edited.

#on the brink of scientific discovery #fanfic #fable smp #fablesmp #fable smp fanfic

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rowsdelusions · 8 months

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Flatline (Luke Hemmings/reader)

Flatline (Luke Hemmings Imagines)

Title: Flatline

Rating: None

Pairing: Luke Hemmings/Reader

Word Count: 2116

Warning: Language

Summary: You're the guy's tour manager for their new tour

Author's Note: I am entirely grateful for all the love and support my last story got!! >_< It means the world to me that people like my stories! I hope this one is to your liking as well. I've got a few ideas for the other guys so don't worry!! I'm in the making of a few but wanted to ask if anyone is up for a series of imagines based off of their songs?! I did my Older one and this of course is Flatline, but just wanted to ask if people would like that?! Again, thank you so much for the support!!!

⋆ ★⋆ ★

“You guys are on in 5 minutes. So do any last minute touch ups and rituals; and if you need me for anything I’m always here you just have to get me.” I say smiling at the group of 4 men who I have grown to love over the short period of time I've been their tour manager. Their personalities and them as people just make it so easy to fall in love with them. Except for one; Luke. Anytime I would try to be close and nice to him like the rest of the boys I am not even given the cold shoulder I just get a blank stare or just a nod yes or no. It’s like he’s numb. If he had given me the cold shoulder I would at least know he just doesn’t like me, but I just get a blank stare.

I’ve asked the guys if I did something that offended him and why he didn’t like me, and they would just look at each other with the same look they are having right now when they see I’m waiting for a confirmation from Luke after I announced they had 5 minutes left and I got nothing back not eve a blank stare this time just nothing. He doesn’t look at me at all. Not looking up from putting his makeup away into his makeup bag even with the uncomfortable silence that wafted over the dressing room once everyone knew he wasn’t going to respond back.

It was like he was in an entirely different world that no one else was privy to except for him. But his face didn’t show the bliss that you get when you're daydreaming. It held nothing but concentration. Not knowing what had him so concentrated that made him look like he was about to explode into a million pieces, I walked over to him to see if there was anything I could do to help him. He might not like me, but I'm still his tour manager and bottom line I will do anything to make this tour more magical than the last even if talking to him has me on an edge of a cliff from nerves.

“Luke, is there anything I can do for you? You guys are on in a little less than 5 minutes.” I said to him softly, barely over a whisper looking at him with so much sincerity that a tour manager probably shouldn’t have for the lead singer of the band she is managing, but I couldn’t help it. Even with all the blank stares and nods. I couldn’t help but fall in love with him, going beyond the platonic love that I have for the other guys. He was just perfect with all his flaws, although I don’t think he has any he might be standoff-ish with me, but I can’t help but see how he interacts with the other guys, the crew, the fans during a show or in general, and his family when they come to some of the shows.

He always gives anyone he’s talking to his full attention sometimes looking like a puppy while doing so but it’s endearing. It shows he cares even if what you're talking about isn’t all that important. I can’t help that when he does his makeup how beautiful he looks and the look of being alive and doing what he loves while he's on stage makes me feel like I’m in the presence of an angel. Suddenly getting caught off guard from my thoughts by the man himself. When he abruptly stands up pushing the chair he was generally sitting on while cleaning up his makeup. I back up not out of fright but more out of shock looking around for a moment noticing all the guys are not in the room anymore.

The look of confusion crossed my faces wondering when they left, but before I could get too far in my wondering, Luke asked, “Are you going to be on the side of the stage for this show?” Even more confused, I answer in an unsure tone.” umm… I guess?” It sounded like more of a question than I intended. I tried to recover from it.” I was going to get the schedule for our next stop situated during this show so I wasn’t planning on it but if you want, I can just do it after the show.” Not even a second passed before he answered me,” Can you do it after the show? It will be easier if you were by the stage tonight.” I stare at him for a moment, questions in my head that I’ll never asks run through it before I ponder any longer on them though I see that he’s waiting for an answer looking almost nervous but I see on the wall clock that he has to be on stage in 2 minutes so leaving my questions in my head I answer him,” Yeah I'll be there on Cals side.” Without anything more said between us he leaves the dressing room leaving me with nothing but his presence and the questions in my head left unanswered.

By the time I composed myself in the dressing room and went to my designated spot on the side of the stage on Cal's side, the boys were already on their third song. When I got there, I was handed an earwig from one of the workers on tour so I can hear the tech crew and everyone else if there's a problem that needs to be fixed. Getting a weird look from the crew around me made me self-conscious, questioning why everyone was giving me that look on top of the questions I have from my discussion with Luke.

Putting all my focus back onto the show, I see that instead of Luke having his talking part first like usual it’s Michael who is doing his. Confused, I turned to the closest person on the crew besides me and asked,” Why is Michael doing his talking portion at this moment and why was I not informed by this?” The crewmate looked nervous when I asked, not knowing if it’s because there scared on losing their job or something else, I try to clarify more for them trying to ease their nervousness," I’m just asking because any new changes need to be made through me, you're not losing your job and I’m not mad I’m just wondering why this decision was made without at least talking to me.”

Seeing their nerves not lessening, but answering anyway in a rushed stutter manner,” The guys asked for this request and said not to tell you.” Turning towards them like they had a second head I see the crewmate walking briskly away stopping where a bunch of the other people apart from the crew where and talking heavily with them before they all stopped once they saw I was looking over them. Why is everyone being secretive about something and why did no one tell me about the last-minute change on the show.

I questioned myself, getting madder by the second once I saw that even more people were looking at me. Staring ahead after I get tired of the stares that are burning holes into my head every passing second, I try to focus on the show making sure it goes off without a hitch. Even though I see that each of the guys are going in a different order for their talking portions than what we’ve planned in the start of the tour, I see that after Michaels talking portion and a few songs, Ashton went next for his talking portion.

Why are they going in a different order than the one we picked even when there's a different order Luke always goes first so it’s easier on the guys and the crew to switch out guitars. Why did the guys not tell me about this or Luke when we were talking in the dressing room earlier. They clearly knew it was happening from what I’m seeing on stage and what the crewmate told me when I asked about it. Worrying even more, questions ran through my head that I was going to ask the boys once the shows were done. I didn't realize how much time went by with all of my worrying.

Until I heard Luke doing his talking portion missing all of Cal’s one, I tried to pay attention pushing the worry and questions till after the show. I hear Luke make a nervous laugh continuing the nervous streak while talking like he did with me earlier in the dressing room,” I know that you all have realized that we're doing things in a different order on this show and that is because… I have something special I'm going to do for this show.” he laughs at the end when he hears the fans screaming at the top of their lungs. “As I know how exciting this is. I need you guys to do me a favor. Can you do that?”

He questions the fans in an exciting tone, the nerves still blatantly present though how much he’s trying to hide it from the fans covering some of it up. I've spent enough time with these guys to see all of their tell-tell signs. Coming back from the fans screaming yes. Luke laughs again, "okay, good so for our last and final song I would like you all to please be courteous because I'm going to be bringing someone out for this song and I would love it if you all sing along with me.”

Drowning out all the exciting screams from the fans I grab the closest crewmate to me,” What is he talking about bringing someone on stage?” I asked hurriedly. When I don’t get an answer from them, I hear Luke start to talk again this time with an almost desperate tone that you wouldn’t have catched if you didn’t know him well.” Now can I please get are ever so brilliant tour manager on stage please.”

Looking confused I see Cal walking towards where I am on the side of the stage walking towards him in an almost run. When I reached him, I asked in a hurried manner,” What the hell is going on?” looking down at me he says in a calm tone,” Everything is going to be explained but you just have to trust me and go on stage please.” Looking into his eyes, seeing them have a pleading look, I slowly nod my head.

Walking with Cal on stage was the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve ever done. My admiration for the boys is growing. When we met Luke in the middle of the stage all the fans were screaming. Blocking them out I turned to Luke asking what I’ve been dying to ask him this whole evening. "What the hell are you doing and what the hell am I supposed to do up here?” Giving Luke my must baffled look and all I get in return is him saying, "Just please listen to the lyrics it will explain everything I promise and all you have to do is stand here looking beautiful.”

Before I can question him anymore, I see him giving a nod to the other boys, and next thing I know I’m hearing the strums of Cal's bass and Lukes's voice combining into their song Flatline. Hearing it before and loving it like any other song they release. I still don’t understand why I'm out here in front of 10,000 fans until Luke turns towards me walking, chest to chest singing the chorus of the song looking nowhere but my eyes, and all I can do is be hypnotized.

Not once looking away from him even when everything clicked into place. He likes me, that's why he has been acting the way he has. The man who made me hypnotized in every sense likes me, and I've never noticed. Without thinking I lean up to his face, wrapping both of my arms around his neck, my hands reaching into his beautiful blonde hair, curling my fingertips into the curly pieces I move his head down to my own. Looking into his eyes for permission but instead of him giving me one he grabs my hips and crashes his lips against mine. The kiss felt nothing like I’ve ever had before, like everything was aligned. Breaking apart when the fans' screams reached a new level, I looked into his eyes with the brightest smile on my face, “I fell the first day I met you.”

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AHHH, I hope y'all like this one because I do!!! and if you guys want to see the song series pleaseee let me know!!! thank you for the love and support!!!! >_<

#5sos fanfic #5 seconds of summer imagines #5sos imagine #luke hemmings imagines #michael clifford x reader #ashton irwin x reader #luke hemmings fluff #5sos #ashton irwin #michael clifford #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #calum hood #calum hood x reader #5sos fluff

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makeitmingi · 6 months

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Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 60]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 4.5K

[A/N: Longer chapter to end off the series! Thank you everyone who has been patient with me and supporting me through this series.]

You took a deep breath as you stepped out of the airport. Haneul followed close, holding onto the end of your jacket as she yawned tiredly, rubbing her eye. Poor thing was half asleep, following you and trying not to sleep while walking.

*I'm home.* You smiled softly as you pushed the luggage cart through. It was 4 am in Korea so the airport was relatively empty.

"Unnie? I'm sleepy." Haneul whined.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry, let's go home and get some sleep." You chuckled. Just as you were about to get a cab, a van pulled up in front of you. You blinked in confusion until the driver came out.

"Joong?!" You yelped. Hongjoong gave you a sleepy smile as he stepped out, hugging you tightly.

"What are you doing here? It's 4 am. You should be sleeping!" You asked in shock but hugged him back nonethless.

"Ah, I can always sleep later. Of course I would be here to welcome my baby sister home. And even babier... sister?" Hongjoong chuckled, patting Haneul's head.

"Yeah, the princess is sleepy." You giggled. Hongjoong nodded and you both loaded the bags into the back. You made sure Haneul was comfortably seated in the back with the seatbelt on. Hongjoong even reclined the seat slightly for her to sleep. Then he opened the door for you to enter the passenger seat.

"I think this is the first time I've seen you drive." You chuckled.

"Really? I guess I don't have much opportunities to drive at all. Honestly, I'm surprised the manager hyungs let me take the van." He said, starting the engine.

"Well, I'm grateful you came nonetheless." You said as he pulled away from the sidewalk and drove to where your apartment was.

This new apartment was arranged close to the HYBE building, put together, prepared and arranged by the Big Hit team for your return to Korea.

The 2 year overseas stint was done and with investigations over, you could safely return with Haneul. Turns out, it was KQ CEO's own personal assistant that sent you those threats.

She caught you and Mingi once and was jealous. She thought she could get close to the boys, being the CEO's personal assistant, and possibly form a relationship with one of them. But it didn't work. She hated that you got close with them so quickly.

Once investigations were concluded, she was taken to jail. There was news article about it. But the details of the case was not made public.

"How was the flight?" Hongjoong asked, breaking your train of thought.

"Stuffy and long. It feels good to be out of there, I can finally stretch my legs properly and the air isn't so stale anymore. Plus, it feels good to be home." You let out a long exhale.

"Yeah, those kidns of flights always feel too long. Are all your stuff in the new place already?" He continued.

"Hmmm, not yet. Most of our stuff are but I had some last minute stuff to pack. They'll get shipped over in due time. But I think I have enough to unpack and keep me busy for a bit." You sighed.

"We'll help in any way that we can since we're on vacation." He told you. Ateez had finished touring and completed yet another successful comeback season. Now, they were on their well deserved vacation time.

"Alright, here we are." Hongjoong pulled up into the carpark. You turned around to see Haneul fast asleep.

"If you can help me put her on my back, I'll piggy back her up to the apartment." Hongjoong said, noticing your concern before you could even voice it.

"Really? She's not exactly a little kid anymore." You asked with uncertainty, you didn't want him injuring his back somehow.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have offered. Come." Hongjoong got out. You opened the door and unbuckled Haneul's seat belt. You carefully moved her onto Hongjoong's awaiting back.

"There we go." He stood up, making sure the support her bottom.

"Let's bring her up before coming to get the bags. You shouldn't be carrying all of them on your own." He said.

"Alright. I'll just take my small bag." You took your cabin bag. You tapped the access card on the lift panel to go up and put in the password on the door lock. Big Hit assured you that this apartment compelx had the best security, which was your main concern. You held the door open for Hongjoong to enter.

"This way?" He asked. You nodded, showing him Haneul's own room. Luckily, you had made sure that she had a bed upon arrival. You removed the vinyl covering and Hongjoong placed her down.

"Let's bring the bags up." You said to him. The both of you brought up all the bags in one trip.

"Just hold on a second. Let me get Haneul settled." You rushed back to Haneul's room to remove her jacket and shoes.

"Thanks again, Joong."

"Stop thanking me." Hongjoong laughed. You looked around the house, some furniture was set up as per your request. The moving boxes were neatly piled in a corner.

"I need to order some groceries to the house. Hopefully they will get here by morning." You rubbed your forehead while scrolling on your phone.

"Or we can go get some stuff in the morning." Hongjoong suggested, settling beside you on the couch. You let out a contemplative hum. You sighed and leaned against his shoulder, his hand coming up to pat your head.

"Wooyoung and Jongho would kill me when they wake up, knowing I came to pick you and Haneul without them." He chuckled.

"Ooh yeah, can't help you out of that one." You winced. Hongjoong pulled away to shoot you a glare.

"What? You know it's true. Wooyoung loves me and Haneul has Jongho wrapped around her little finger, the moment they are together, they're inseparable." You shrugged.

"I don't want to die. My vacation just started." Hongjoong groaned.

"You are more than welcome to crash here for the rest of the night." You patted his thigh.

"I may just take you up on that offer since I don't want to drive back. But what about you? Please don't tell me you're going to pull an all nighter and unpack." He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm going to shower first then unpack the necessities at least. It is going to take a while for Haneul and I to get over the time difference. Might as well use the time to be productive somehow." You stood up, going to your luggage to get the small soaps that you had packed with you. Hongjoong let out a defeated sigh.

"When do you start work?" Hongjoong asked with a yawn, turning to lay across the couch now that you were not sitting there.

"Two weeks? Need time to settle the moving stuff, Haneul's school and get over jetlag." You rubbed your eye as you sat in front of your luggage to get sleepwear out.

"Alright, I'm going to shower." You announced as you stood up. Hongjoong nodded and waved you off.

"Indi?" He called out. You turned around, blinking.

"Welcome home." He gave you a sleepy smile. You couldn't help the soft smile that formed.

"Feels good to be home, Joong. And call me (y/n)." You said softly and went into the bathroom. You were grateful Hongjoong was the first person you saw when you stepped off the plane.

Seeing Hongjoong made you feel more calm and collected, just having him around was comforting enough. Mingi didn't know you were coming home today though, you wanted to keep it a secret and surprise him later on.

When you came out, Hongjoong was fast asleep, snoring softly. You took the blanket you had in your suitcase and covered him with it.

"Now, let's unpack." You sighed softly, sitting in front of the luggages and boxes with the necessities you and Haneul would need before you could get to the other stuff.

"Luckily there's no dust." You noted, putting Haneul's clothes in her closet. You went over to her sleeping form.

"I love you." You kissed her head and slept beside her instead of your own bed.

By the time you woke up, you heard Haneul speaking to someone outside. It wasn't just Hongjoong's voice though. You poked your head out to see Haneul on Jongho's lap.

"You just can't resist her, can you?" You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms. Jongho shrugged, focusing back on Haneul.

"Wooyoung hyung went to get food for all of us. Hongjoong hyung drove him. You can go back to sleep if you want, I got it covered here." Jongho informed, gesturing to Haneul busy drawing with him at the table. You nodded and yawned, waving to the two before collapsing back onto the bed.

"Indigo... Wake up..." You didn't feel like you slept long before Wooyoung was laying in bed with you, wrapping his arms around you to snuggle.

"Hi, Woo." You opened your eyes.

"Welcome home. I missed you." He smiled softly, holding your face to give you a big smooch on your cheek.

"I missed you too. All of you." You chuckled, draping your arms and legs over him just like he was your own bolster. You let out a tired sigh, eyes closing again.

"As much as I would love to cuddle, I told Hongjoong hyung I would get you up to get some food in you." Wooyoung chuckled.

"Alright, let's not get in trouble with Joong. Oh and Woo? Call me (y/n)." You pushed yourself up and got out of bed to wash up, leaving a stunned Wooyoung there. You heard him yell in the room.

"Unnie!" Haneul grinned from her spot on the couch. She jumped down and ran over to hug you.

"Hey, baby." You leaned down to hug her, patting her butt and kissing her head. She held your hand, following you to the bathroom. She stood at the door, waiting for you to brush your teeth, wash your hair and do your skincare.

"Are you tired, baby? It'll be a while for us to adjust back to Korean time." You chuckled, combing her hair after you combed her own. She shook her head.

"I'm not sleepy."

"Alright, alright." You patted her head. You knew she wasn't tired now but she will definitely feel it later.

"Let's go eat!" She pulled you along to the living room where the boys were sitting at the dining table already, with disposable cutlery since you haven't unpacked any kitchen stuff.

"Sorry for the mess of the house. And the lack of kitchen utensils." You apologised.

"You just came back this morning, it's completely understandable. No need to apologise." Jongho chuckled, pulling the chair out for Haneul to sit next to you. Wooyoung slid an iced coffee over to you. You took a sip and let out a blissful sigh of gratefulness. The coffee machine also wasn't set up yet.

"I got you some basic groceries. Not sure what you use specifically but we got the princess some yoghurt, milk, eggs, your iced coffee, etc." Wooyoung informed.

"You guys are life savers. Let me know how much it costs and I'll wire you back." You said, taking a portion of food for Haneul.

"No need. Take it as a welcome back gift. And don't argue with me." Wooyoung shook his head.

"What's your plan after this?" Hongjoong asked.

"I'm gonna see Mingi's mom. Then surprise Mings at the dorm." You replied, chewing your food. You leaned over to help Haneul wipe the sauce off her lip.

"Sleepover?!" Haneul's eyes brightened, looking over at you. You couldn't help but laugh at how excited she looked.

"We'll see." You said. You didn't want the boys, especially Jongho, to think that you were always leaving Haneul with them. At some point, you didn't want Haneul to think that you were never around too. So you would have to consider it.

When you were done, the boys helped you with clearing up. You were feeling a little stressed, knowing you still had to do the unpacking of the house.

"Why are you frowning?" Hongjoong came up behind you, massaging your shoulders as you were washing your hands in the kitchen sink.

"Moving is always stressful. Knowing how much more there is to be done is worrying." You sighed.

"I know me telling you not to stress won't really help. But seriously, count on us to help you with all this. You and Haneul can stay with any of us if you'd like." He comforted.

"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without any of you." You leaned against the counter.

"Suffer." Hongjoong teased, making you jab him in the ribs.

After a bit, you got yourself and Haneul ready before the boys dropped you off at Mingi's mother's apartment. You chewed on your bottom lip as you stood at the lip. You didn't know how much she knew about what happened. She would know that you and Mingi separated right?

"Unnie, are you okay?" Haneul looked up at you. She wanted to buy Mingi's mother a 'present' too so you prepared a little fruit basket for her to give. She was a lot more excited than you.

"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry." You smiled and pressed the lift to go up. The lady might yell at you and kick you out of her house.

She had every right to.

"We're here." You said, stopping before the door. Haneul put the basket down, tip toeing to press the doorbell. You gulped as you heard the door lock beep.

"Hello?" Mrs Song opened the door. She seemed to pause when you saw her. The first thing you did was bow deeply.

"Omonim, I-" She cut you off, pulling you into hug. You blinked in confusion, not really expecting her to hug you. Haneul giggled beside you.

"Let's talk inside." She pulled away, smiling at you softly. You nodded and let Haneul in. She removed her shoes before holding out the fruits basket out to Mingi's mother with the biggest grin ever. Mrs Song cooed and bent down.

"My name is Haneul." She introduced.

"Thank you, Haneulie. This is really sweet of you. I'm Mingi oppa's omma. You can call me omonim too." She received the basket and gave Haneul a hug.

"So this is the famous (y/n)." A deep male voice said. Your eyes widened as you saw an older man sitting on the couch.

"Mr Song, it's nice to meet you. I'm (y/n)." You bowed to Mingi's father. He was tall as well, features similar to Mingi's. He chuckled and stood up, moving to stand in front of you.

"It's nice to finally meet you too, (y/n). I can see why my son has fallen head over heels for you."

"Jagiya! Don't embarrass our son." Mrs Song hit her husband's shoulder.

"Just call me abonim, no need for Mr Song. It's too formal. We're family here." He shook his head. You nodded and bowed your head. You waved Haneul over to introduce herself to Mingi's father. She bowed formally before introducing herself. Just like everyone else, you could see the way he melted when Haneul spoke.

"(y/n)." Mrs Song called you over as Haneul was distracted by Mr Song. You went over to the kitchen. Seeing that it was finally the two of you, you finally did what you wanted to do.

"I'm so sorry for everything I, omonim. I don't deserve-"

"Stop." She cut you off. You squeezed your eyes, awaiting the lecture that was coming.

"(y/n)..." She called and you straightened up. You could see how she softened and reached out to hug you tightly. You wrapped your arms around her.

"It's not been easy, hasn't it?" She whispered.

"No... It has not..." Your bottom lip quivered as tears threatened to fall again. At that point, you knew that she knew what really happened.

"I hurt him so bad, omonim. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." You shook your head. She rubbed your back.

"(y/n), you went through a lot. I know you didn't intentionally hurt him. I don't blame you, abonim doesn't blame you. You went through a lot on your own and you had to be strong for Haneul. You didn't deserve to go through that." She pulled away, staring at you.

"You did it because you wanted to keep Mingi safe. You wanted to keep Haneul and Ateez safe. I understand." She rubbed your arm. You nodded your head.

"I'm just glad you and Mingi worked it out." Grabbing a tissue, she wiped your tears.

"I don't deserve his forgiveness, or any of yours."

"Let's not talk about who doesn't deserve what. Because Mingi would say he doesn't deserve such a selfless person like yourself. Every couple goes through hardships." She smiled softly.

"I'm glad Mingi didn't let you get away. I knew that you weren't the type to just break his heart and leave." She said.

"Thank you for everything." You hugged her again.

"Nothing to thank me for. Now, I have two daughters to care for." She giggled, looking over at how Haneul was now seated on Mingi's father's lap, animatedly telling him something. He had a fatherly smile on his face as he listened to her intently. You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you.

"So have you gone to see my pabo son yet?" Mrs Song asked as she moved to cut up the fruit that Haneul gave her.

"Hmm, not yet. He doesn't even know I'm back. I'm planning to surprise him later on at the dorm but I wanted to drop by here first. It's been too long." You said, leaning back against the counter.

"How was it? Living in America."

"It was interesting, I learnt a lot there in terms of work. Culture is different too. But nothing beats being at home." You shrugged.

"Oh yes, I forgot Mingi told me that you signed to a big company. But of course, home is still the best. Home is where your family is." She chuckled. You nodded in agreement.

"Alright, you two. Let's have some fruit." Mrs Song brought the cut fruit out to Mr Song and Haneul.

"Abonim." Haneul beamed and held out the pick with an pear slice at the end. Mr Song chuckled and leaned down to take a bite, patting Haneul's head. You grabbed an apple slice and handed it to Mrs Song, who was seated on the couch beside her husband.

"Is this what it's like having daughters?" Mr Song asked, staring at Haneul and you fondly.

"Right? I said the same thing when I first met (y/n)." Mrs Song giggled. You laughed, knowing Mingi and his brother would not be amused at their parents fawning over having daughters.

"I think I like having two daughters." Mr Song tapped his chin.

"Better not let your sons hear you say that." Mrs Song slapped his arm lightly.

"Please like you don't tell Mingi that you like (y/n) more." He rolled his eyes. The way they joked and interacted, you hoped that you could be like that with Mingi one day.

When the fruit was finished and you spent some time with Mingi's parents, you got ready to leave to Mingi, Seonghwa and San's shared dorm. You didn't want to go too late, especially with Mingi already having texted you a few times while you were at his parents' place. Haneul hugged the two.

"See you next time!" She giggled, hugging them tightly.

"Yes, you are welcome any time. Good girl. Be good to your unnie." Mrs Song chuckled, hugging her. She nodded her head and went to hug Mingi's father.

"Come back soon, alright?" He kissed her head and hugged her tightly. You melted, glad they got along well with her.

"Bring her back to me soon. And yourself too, (y/n)." Mr Song said, hugging you.

"I will, abonim. Thank you for having us and entertaining Haneul. Please take care." You chuckled. Then you moved on to Mingi's mother, who hugged you extra tight.

"Don't stay away for too long." She told you.

"I won't. Take care." You bid them goodbye with a final bow before leaving. With Haneul by your side, you called for a cab to take the two of you over to the dorm. During the drive, Haneul fell asleep. Poor thing, she was probably fighting the sleep for a long time.

When the cab pulled up to the dorm, you sent San and Seonghwa a message to let them know you were downstairs. You had to wake Haneul up.

"No..." She whined.

"I'm sorry, baby. You can sleep soon." You apologised, really feeling bad. You should have properly let her adjust to the time difference instead of drag her out with you the entire day.

"Hey." You greeted San and Seonghwa. Seonghwa hugged you while San helped a sleepy Haneul to his room.

"I missed you." Seonghwa hugged you tightly.

"I missed you too, Hwa." You relaxed in his arms, smiling. When San came back out after helping you settle Haneul into his bed, you hugged him too.

"Good to have you back, Indigo." He chuckled, stroking your head. You hummed in agreement. Seonghwa went to the kitchen to get you a drink. You received the glass of juice and took a sip, sitting on the couch with them for a while. San had informed you that Mingi was napping so he didn't come out to greet you.

"I shouldn't have dragged Haneul out. Poor girl, she's probably exhausted." You sighed.

"She'll adjust soon. Don't worry too much. She can sleep in my bed for as long as she needs." San smiled kindly.

"Thank you." You smiled. The way all the boys were just always ready to help you and Haneul melted your heart. They really treated you both like family.

"As much as I would like to catch up with you, this is the perfect time to surprise Mingi." Seonghwa said.

"Right. I hope he's still asleep." You put the glass down and stood up. San and Seonghwa watched in amusement.

"Good luck." San wished. You pressed your ear against Mingi's door to hear if he was awake. There was no sound of movement or Mingi's voice, which meant that he was still asleep.

You took a deep breath, it had been so long since you've seen Mingi physically that your heart was pounding. You slowly turned the door knob and crept in. Mingi was still sleeping, tucked under the blanket with his back to you. Getting in bed behind him, you hugged him.

"Ugh, San?" Mingi croaked out with a groan. San was known to go to the other members' rooms to cuddle so he must have assumed you were him.

"What time is it? Go back to your own bed and let me sleep..." He clicked his tongue.

"Fine. If that's what you want, I'll go." You chuckled. You felt Mingi's body freeze in your hold. His head whipped around and his eyes widening as he looked at your face.

"BABY?!" He sat up and looked at you as if he was dreaming, rubbing his eyes.

"What are you doing here?!" He asked.

"Surprising you." You laughed at his expression. Mingi's hands immediately came to cup your cheeks, pulling you to him so he could press his lips to yours.

"Wait, when did you come back? I'm confused, you didn't mention this to me at all when we texted or called. I'm not actually dreaming, am I?" He pulled you to his chest to hug you.

"You just kissed me and you're physically hugging me now, pabo. How can you still think you're dreaming? And I already said that it's a surprise, that's why I didn't tell you. I came back early this morning, Joong came to pick me up at the airport." You laughed. Mingi scratched his head, letting all this sink in.

"How long are you back for, baby?" He asked, fingers coming to weave through your hair as he held your cheek.

"Forever. I'm staying forever, Mings." You softened.

"Y-You are?" His voice shook, as if he couldn't believe what you were saying right now. You nodded with a hum, wrapping your arms around him as you sat in his lap.

"I missed you so much. Now I have you with me forever." He looked at you, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Yes, no more distance." You said softly.

"If you two are done with your reunion, could you come out, please?" Someone knocked on the bedroom door. You and Mingi looked at each other in confusion. You went to open the door.

"Welcome home, Indigo!" All the Ateez boys were there with Seonghwa holding a cake.

"Shhh, Haneul is sleeping." San reminded and Jongho nodded, looking at everyone threateningly. They wouldn't dare be loud now.

"Guys..." You softened, not expecting them to be the one to surprise you. You soon felt Mingi's presence behind you, he put his hands on your shoulders.

"Thank you for welcoming me home. It feels good to be back with all of you. And please, we're family, aren't we? Family calls me (y/n)." You looked at all of them. They all stared at you with soft smiles at the mention of your real name. You went over to greet Yeosang and Yunho with hugs since you haven't seen them.

"Good to have you back, (y/n)." Yunho whispered. You nodded and patted his back. With everything that happened, you're glad you and Yunho could come to an understanding and work things out.

"You've lost weight. Have you not been eating well?" Yeosang chided as he lifted you up.

"I have been, I promise!" You laughed, slapping his shoulder.

"Now that she's back, we'll make sure she's really eating well. We ordered a lot food to celebrate! So eat up." Hongjoong said. You giggled and nodded, about to follow behind the boys to where the food was.

"Mings?" You blinked when you felt him hold your wrist to stop you. You turned back to him, only for him to tug you to him, until you fell against his chest.

"Welcome home, baby. You're finally home where you belong." Mingi whispered. You melted, looking up at him before you hugged him back, your ear pressed to his chest to hear his heartbeat.

"I love you, Mings." You said.

"I love you too, my muse. I'm never letting you go again." He kissed the top of your head, holding you just a little tighter.

You couldn't agree more. Home was here, with Hanuel, Mr and Mrs Song, Ateez and Mingi. These people were your family, people you knew you could rely on and count on. And you wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

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ukrfeminism · 7 months

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Kemi Badenoch believes that “good public servants” must not be “hounded” out of office after the human rights watchdog dropped an investigation into its chairwoman.

Baroness Falkner of Margravine, of the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC), was the subject of an internal inquiry into allegations about her behaviour by current and former members of staff.

Critics said that the complaints were ideologically motivated because of her position on trans rights. The claims against Falkner were subsequently leaked to Channel 4 News in what her allies said was an attempt to “prejudge” the inquiry.

Badenoch, the minister for women and equalities, was so concerned that she called in an independent legal expert to review the handling of the complaints.

The commission said that on receiving the result of the review it had decided to close the investigation. It admitted to “process failures”.

Falkner, who had been investigated for five months, said: “I am grateful to see an end to this investigation into unsubstantiated claims against me. I am also particularly grateful for the support and encouragement I have received, since the investigation into allegations against me was first disclosed. I have relished public service all my life and continue to do so with vigour and determination.”

A source close to Badenoch said: “Kishwer Falkner has been a courageous chair of the EHRC who has dealt deftly with many contentious issues. Kemi has always been clear that good public servants should not be hounded out of office and she is pleased this process has now concluded.”

The complaints against Falkner were made after the EHRC’s 12 commissioners overruled concerns from its management team and recommended that the government consider creating a legal distinction between people born female and those who transition to become women.

More than 40 complaints were made by 12 current and former members of staff alleging bullying and harassment by Falkner and a toxic workplace. She strongly denied them.

Falkner said: “The organisation has been going through a transformation programme, to take clearer and more measurable action as the country’s regulator of equality law. Our staff are the most important element of achieving this change. I am proud that most have embraced the journey with a clear-eyed focus on the end goal – becoming the trusted equality regulator that serves everyone.

“I remain completely focused on the job I set out to do: advancing equality of opportunity and protecting the human rights of everyone in Britain.”

Behind the story

When Baroness Falkner of Margravine took on the role of chairwoman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, she knew it would not be easy. Trying to play referee in the culture wars over transgender rights has led to relentless criticism by those who have variously branded her “scum” and even a Nazi.

What she had not expected, however, was criticism from within. The investigation into her was marred with controversy from the start, with critics directly linking it to Falkner’s position on trans rights and suggesting it was ideologically motivated. These concerns intensified when a dossier of the allegations was leaked to Channel 4 News.

These included claims that Falkner had described a trans woman as a “bloke in lipstick” at a board meeting. She is also said to have “rolled her eyes” at staff who expressed concerns about the stance being taken by commissioners. Staff said she was “rude” and oversaw an exodus of workers unhappy about the direction of the organisation.

The claims were denied by Falkner, with some in the commission saying that things had been “blown out of all proportion”. The leaking of the dossier, they said, had compromised the inquiry. “There is no way she can get a fair hearing now,” they said.

The investigation was halted but Falkner had become an isolated figure. She took leave and it was said that the commission declined to pay her legal expenses. The end of the investigation represents the end of five months of turmoil for Falkner.

#Articles #trans

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karniss-bg3 · 1 month

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Salute, Larian Studios

Heya folks! It’s been a while, I hope everyone is doing well. I’m breaking my hiatus to discuss the recent announcement made by Larian Studios on their steam development blog. I will add the link here for those who wish to read the blog in its entirety but be warned, there are patch seven spoilers within. I wish to focus on a particular section in the final three paragraphs of the document, which reads as follows:

“Being given the chance to develop a game set in the Dungeons & Dragons universe has been a dream come true for all of us. But as Swen recently confirmed, we won't be introducing any major new narrative content to the story of Baldur's Gate 3 or its origin characters and companions, nor will we be making expansions or Baldur’s Gate 4. As an independent studio since 1996, we value the freedom to follow our creativity wherever it leads. In this case, after six years in the Forgotten Realms and much discussion and rumination, we’ve decided to seize this opportunity to develop our own IPs. We’re currently working on two new projects and we couldn’t be more excited about what the future has in store. It’s still early days - we’ll tell you more about those later down the line. But know that even as our focus turns to these new games, the sensibilities that brought you Baldur’s Gate 3 are alive and well here at the Larian castle. We’re fueled by the very same fire in our bellies, one that drives us to create immersive experiences shaped by your choices, and we can’t wait for you to join us on this next adventure.”

I will admit, when I first read this I felt a tinge of disappointment. As someone who had a lot of hope in seeing some stories continued, Kar’niss especially, this feels like the once open door is now sealed shut permanently. To be entirely fair, I always looked at an expanded Kar’niss story with skeptical optimism; hope for the best but expect the worst. After all, Kar’niss was designed as a throw away plot device that had no real bearing on the over-all narrative. Most of what has been derived of the character is entirely fan driven and not based on anything confirmed by Larian as a whole. Furthermore, there were many fan favorites that had a larger base than our dear drider and chances are even if Larian did decide to do an expansion, Kar’niss still wouldn’t make the cut.

With that said, I respect Larian in their choice. To expand on other characters would cost a lot of money and time. To juggle that alongside making new games would be unrealistic, and I understand their point of view completely. We also don’t know what is going on behind the scenes which could’ve influenced their choices all the more. Over all this situation mirrors the old saying, “Don’t cry because it’s over, be happy that it happened.” I am happy, and grateful. Without Baldur’s Gate 3 this blog wouldn’t exist. All of the amazing interactions I’ve had over several months would’ve never occurred, nor would I have found the courage to publicly publish stories to the internet. While I don’t consider myself an awful writer, I never believed my work was good enough for those outside of my personal circle. To say that my confidence has blossomed over the last few months is an understatement, and I owe that to the fantastic support of those in the fandom as well as those close to me. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

With Larian closing up the BG3 shop after the next few patches the question becomes, what’s next? For me, I don’t know. Sadly I’ve been swamped lately and it’s not destined to slow down until the middle of May. By then I hope to have a sufficient breather so I can return to projects I’ve left on the back burner in the interim. The Kar’niss blog will remain in place along with all of the archived stories, theories, and miscellaneous posts that are present. I still have a few writing requests that have waited a lot longer than I anticipated, so forgive me for the delay. I may also make a new blog that is dedicated solely to writing and other fandoms of interest. When the time comes I’ll post it here and folks can follow it if they wish but I’ll understand if not. Regardless of what the future holds, I am very stoked with the experiences I’ve had within the Baldur’s Gate 3 fandom. I’m a painfully shy individual and I am not a spotlight seeker by any stretch of the imagination. This section of the internet allowed me to expand my horizons a bit proving that you can indeed teach an old writer new tricks.

I look forward to seeing what is in store for Larian Studios. So long as they stick to their passion for making good games and treating their customers like people instead of money cows to be milked, then I will support every game release that comes in the future. While I’m sad that the many questions I had about Kar’niss will go unanswered, at least the drider will live on through the stories, art and other creative works made by his fans. In that way he is eternal, as are all of the other characters we’ve grown to love over this journey.

I hope to return on a more regular basis soon. Until then drider army, take care of yourselves and thank you for your continued support.

#baldur's gate 3 #kar'niss #bg3 #karniss #drider #baldurs gate 3 #larian studios #steam #essay #writing #I've missed posting here #the chaos on my end should be over soon #I hope

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xoxomoonlightxoxo · 3 months

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Somewhere Between Hello and Goodbye | Ch. 4: Strangers With Memories

a/n: more angst but at least they aren't as awkward, however, after this chapter, I fear it's only going to go downhill for my babies :(

The dreadful No Contact Rule. Difficult not to break when the relationship is over and even more so when the relationship comes to a sudden halt but the feelings are still brewing inside. When the distance is forced and fueled by the guilt of losing that person again. However, I would be lying if I said that Jungkook is no longer part of my life. That I have somehow completely barricaded myself from his presence. How could I, when not even a conscious stream of thought can overcome the yearning of a broken heart? One that still longs for his touch, his sweet smile, his laugh. One that has been holding on to the memories of our past despite the lack of recollection in Koo’s eyes. To him, we are simply picking things up from where they were left off. Not a complicated task in nature until you realise that our story left off with his first and last “I love you, Mira”. So, no matter how hard I try to push him away, the heartstrings of my own soul seem to pull us back together. Even if he sees me as just a friend, I am willing to fight for everything we could have been, until one day he finally remembers it all. Remembers me, remembers us.

Unfortunately, with school starting, everyone has been getting back into their routines, leaving little time or opportunity to actually hang out. Despite this, Jungkook has made a special effort to “build back what he can’t remember”. So, seeing him has actually become part of my daily ritual. Whether that be going on a morning jog or grabbing a quick coffee after class. Like the good old days, we are connecting as close friends, since everything began that way. Before anything, Koo was my friend, one who somehow filled the void of my family when we were separated by an ocean. For that, I will forever be grateful to him.

Today was like any other. Tae and I met our new cohort leader, the head of the ER department in the local children’s hospital, who was this older gentleman who wasted no opportunity to crack one of his dad jokes. He absolutely adored Tae, said that he saw his younger self in him, and unless he was a sleep-deprived, broke college student, I’m not sure what the correlation was. To be honest, Tae hasn’t been having it easy either. His grandma was recently diagnosed with pneumonia, so he spent the entire summer working three jobs to send as much money as he could back home. Being the only man, and thus, the breadwinner in the family after the passing of his father, he constantly tells me about the guilt he endures being far away from his mom, younger sister and grandma. The three women in his life he would give up anything for. And, as I’ve watched him slowly run himself thin, I have grown to be protective of Tae myself. Although he is older, in my eyes he will always be like a little brother to me. One whose shoulders carry the weight of a whole lineage.

Packing up our staff after class, Tae recommended we try the new pastry shop that opened by our dormitory. One that he first mentioned when Jungkook was admitted into the hospital in hopes of cheering my numb self. However, during that period the aching pain in my heart wanted nothing more than to be by Koo’s side. So, seeing that this time Tae was the one in need of support, I made sure to take him up on the offer as we indulged in our daily debrief. At the end of the day, we might not know how to properly give an IV but you best believe that we know how to run our mouths. In the span of half an hour, we managed to cover every possible topic known to men, ranging from the rise in the cost of eggs to the hideous new haircut the grumpy librarian decided to debut today. Our conversation could have gone on for hours until it was abruptly interrupted by the buzzing of my phone.

Koo: Will 20 minutes be enough for you to get ready?

Mira: Depends … where are you taking me?

Koo: It’s a surprise, just wear something comfy ;)

“Who got you smiling like that?” Tae chuckles teasingly, seeing that his words have lost my attention.

“Oh nothing, I’m sorry, it’s just Jungkook,” I say, nibbling on my lips to suppress the urge to keep smiling.

“What did he say?” he leans forward taking a sip of his Americano.

“I think he wants to go somewhere?” my words drag on as he searches my scattering eyes.

“Now?”

“Well, no you’re right, I’m just gonna tell him that I’m busy,” I try to comfort Tae with a smile, sensing the guilt of leaving him alone.

“No, I mean, don’t you want to freshen up? How much time do you have?” he mumbles, gaze softening at my flustered state.

“Oh, are you sure? I hate to pause our little hangout,”

“There’s always tomorrow,” Tae assures with a boxy smile.

“Okay, I’ll see you at breakfast, alright?” I say, packing up my stuff before we wave each other goodbye.

Thank God, the pastry shop was a short walk away from the dormitory as I suddenly realised how valid Tae’s suggestion of a shower was. Let’s just say that today’s clinical was one for the books. Not only did I spill a whole IV bag on my scrubs but I’m pretty sure that there are still some pieces of dried cream in my hair as one of the older patients refused to cooperate. So, as I finally managed to open the front door, I headed straight into the shower, washing myself free of the chaotic aftermath.

Debating between a woven sweater and a cashmere pullover I settled on the one Koo loved the most. “Peaches, you’re so soft,” he used to say, pulling me into a tight hug as his hands caressed the delicate cashmere. I wore it on our last date before the incident, the one we spent on Oceana Beach talking about the future, our future. Miraculously, after all this time, it still had his scent, the sweet vanilla musk lingered like the memories of our past. I remember crying sleepless nights, holding the cashmere close to my heart as if it were the only thing left of Jungkook. With my eyes closed, I could almost feel his warm embrace.

Beep Beep

My reminiscing, however, was interrupted by Jungkook’s arrival. Quickly touching up my makeup, I grab my purse and phone before locking the door behind me. Maybe it’s from the actual physical rush or the fact that I get to see him again, but my heart sure is beating hard. I could practically feel it in my throat. And, the appearance of his bunny smile as our eyes finally met certainly did not help it either.

“Sorry to make you wait,” I say out of breath, tucking some stray pieces of hair behind my ear.

“No worries, I just came,” Koo assures softly, leaning back on his car.

“So, where is this mystery destination?” I grin teasingly, folding my arms in front of my chest.

“Surprise, remember? Ladies first,” he grins back, opening the passenger door, before helping me buckle up. And, just like that, my heartbeat went through the roof again.

Driving down the bridge, we were in awe of the beautiful sunset that covered the sky in warm tones. Blasting our favourite song, Jungkook rolled down all the windows before pausing his phone just in time for the high note. And, as silence filled the car I could feel the flush rise up my cheeks from the sheer embarrassment that was my singing. It wasn’t just a voice crack, it was the complete demolishment of my dignity.

“Yah, how could you betray me like that?” I scoff in disbelief, rolling the windows back up to shield myself from the passing cars.

“I couldn’t help it, you looked so concentrated,” Jungkook chuckles, mimicking my singing face.

“Okay, relax, eyes on the road bunny boy,” I smirk, turning the music back on.

“We’re here,” he says, turning into the parking lot. Looking around, chills run down my spine as I realise where we are. The Oceana Beach. This means that while I was fully immersed in our karaoke session, Jungkook unknowingly drove past the exact spot where he lost consciousness on that cold, winter night. All this time, I’ve been trying to avoid this place in hopes of erasing the image of Koo’s frail body lying on the side of the road. Now, I have to act like none of that happened, since he doesn’t remember any of it.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jungkook’s voice pulls me out of the spiral, as my chest heaves up. Feeling his hand on mine, my body almost jolts from his touch, unable to hide the fear rushing through my veins. It all felt so surreal, to be looking at him alive in flesh but knowing that the Jungkook I once knew was no longer there.

“Yeah, I … I just remembered something,” I lie with a nervous chuckle, unbuckling myself. Helping me out of the car, Jungkook looks concerned, eyes searching mine.

“You sure, you’re alright? I can drive back jus…”

“No, no don’t be ridiculous. I swear I’m all good,” I interrupt his sentence with a reassuring smile. Reaching for my hands again, only this time with slight hesitation, his worried eyes meet mine as his thumb caresses the back of my palms.

“Mira, you’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” his words are layered with a tone of fear, uneasiness, and genuine worry. But, there’s a short period of silence, as my mind filters through possible replies.

“Of course,” I manage a small chuckle, swallowing down the lie. With a nod of acceptance and a soft sigh, he intertwined his fingers with mine, taking the bags from his trunk before walking us toward a small spot by a campfire. Setting everything up, I was commanded to just relax, covered under a woven blanket.

“I used to love making smores when I was little,” Jungkook smiles, handing me a bag of marshmallows, before covering himself under the same blanket. Jimin was right, he could still remember the earlier years of his life, but nothing of the recent events.

“Can’t relate, I somehow always burned mine,” I frown as he can’t help but laugh, scrunching his nose and letting that bunny smile come on full display.

“Hey, don’t laugh,”

“I’m sorry, but how does one mess this up?” he leans closer, nudging my shoulder before looking back at the sparks. If only time could stop and we could stay this way forever. If only he could feel the way my heart ached at that moment.

“So, Mira, do you have a boyfriend?” his sudden question brought me back again, as my eyebrows visibly furrowed from the bluntness of his curiosity.

“Why? Are you trying to pitch an offer?” I chuckle, leaning closer to the fire to warm my hands, before looking back at his teasing grin.

“Just trying to figure you out,” he replies softly, eyes searching mine.

“I used to,”

“Oh, yeah? What happened?

“He moved away. Long distance didn’t work out,” I reply slowly, allowing the fake story to play out without succumbing to the tears.

“That sucks, you guys don’t keep in touch at all?” Jungkook’s curiosity is innocent in nature but naive to our past. I can’t even get mad at him for digging deeper, even if it hurts.

“I’m not sure he remembers me anymore,” I sigh, replying almost defeated.

“That’s a lie. Who could forget you?” he laughs, shaking his head in disbelief, blind to the irony of it all.

“Yeah …” a little chuckle escapes me as well, as my eyes dissociate into the distance. “I'm pretty unforgettable, aren't I?”

“Pretty and unforgettable,” Jungkook replies with a quick wink, covering my shivering body with his share of the blanket before taking a bite of my half-burned marshmallow.

Replaying our last conversation in my head, I felt bad for snapping at Jiah at the mall. It was totally uncalled for and simply a projection of the thoughts that haunted my mind. Not a fibre of my being meant it as we rarely ever fought or even came to a slight disagreement with each other. To be quite frank, during that time it seemed like every interaction I had was like walking on a minefield. With one wrong move, I was destined to blow up and take everyone else down with me.

Not being able to talk to her freely pained me, as I grew to miss my best friend with each passing day. And if one thing was for sure, then it was that Jiah deserved an apology as she fell victim to my self-destruction. So, after a few hours of crafting a well-developed apology, I made my way to her apartment, which was literally a level below mine. Nonetheless, the walk there seemed never-ending, most likely due to the sheer panic I was experiencing. It wasn’t fueled by the fear of her reaction but the shame I felt from how I treated Jiah. However, none of it mattered anymore, as I stood in front of her door, hand ready to place a few knocks. That is until it suddenly swings open and our eyes finally meet again.

“Jiah,” I mumble before she pulls me into a tight hug as tears stream down both of our faces. No words needed to be said. Everything was understood through the emotions we were experiencing. Melting deeper into her embrace, my face dug deeper into her hair as the sweet smell of coconut filled my senses, reminding my body of her aura. I missed her so much that I could physically feel the void in my heartache as my teary eyes searched her sad gaze.

“Jiah, I’m so sorry,” I manage to let out as she gently wipes the tears off of my face. Holding onto her hand, I keep it close to my chest as my heart beats faster.

“It’s okay, love. I’ve missed you so much,” she says softly, tucking a few pieces of stray hair behind my ear. And, just like that, we were back in each other’s embrace, making up for the lost time we were apart. Catching up, we spent the whole afternoon discussing everything that happened since our falling out. She showed me the emerald jewellery set Jimin gifted her for their 1 year anniversary and the pictures they took following their celebration. They looked so happy that I couldn’t stop smiling. If they ever break up then I’ll know that love isn’t real, because in my eyes they were destined for each other. No one understands Jiah better than Jimin and no one cares so deeply for Jimin more than Jiah. Simply put, they’re soul mates.

Feeling lightheaded from all the tears we’ve cried, I suggested we go out to grab some late lunch, or early dinner before going on a walk around campus. Jiah was quick to agree as she changed into some jeans and a hoodie before grabbing her purse and keys. Stopping by my dorm, I quickly touched up my makeup in hopes of not scaring innocent civilians from the aftermath of my mental breakdown. And, as we rode the elevator down to the main lobby, Jiah and I were inseparable once again. That is until my eyes widened at the sight of Jungkook standing by his car, shuffling in place to keep himself warm.

“Oh? Jungkook? What’s wrong?” I stutter, worried eyes searching his.

“Sorry Jiah, but could I steal her from you?” he asks softly, as Jiah's face turns to mine. Hiding the way her chin was trembling, she didn't know how to reply before taking a deep breath.

“Call me when you get back?” she nods, separating her hand from mine as I pull her into a hug.

“I’ll bring you some pastry from the new shop Tae recommended,” I say with a reassuring smile before waving her goodbye. Making sure she got in safely, my eyes turned back to look at Jungkook’s bunny smile.

“How did you know I was here?” I ask with a skeptical tone, slowly making my way towards the car.

“You really don’t think I pay attention, huh?” he says teasingly before opening the passenger door.

“You mean to tell me that you’ve memorized my schedule?” I scoff, looking up at his softened gaze.

“Pretty much,” he replies with a grin, leaning onto the door frame before caressing my cheek with the back of his palm.

“Hey, were you crying?” Jungkook asks, concerned, as I cover my red cheeks with my hair. Way to not be obvious, Mira! I guess, my attempt to hide the fact that I’ve been sobbing for hours failed miserably since he managed to notice it after one glance.

“Oh, yeah, it’s nothing. I promise,” I shake my head with a soft smile before looking back up at his worried eyes.

“Mira, you know you can always talk to me, right?” his words are followed by a deep sigh as he crouched down before my still form.

“Of course, I know that, Koo,” I manage to let out a giggle, patting his head in hopes of making him feel at least somewhat at ease. In all honesty, however, I knew that he wasn’t fully convinced, but I also didn’t necessarily hate that. Because a small part of me hoped that maybe, his curiosity would somehow help him regain the memories he once lost.

“Anyways, where are you taking me this time?” I try to change the subject, as his eyes look back at mine.

“I need your help,” he replies, buckling my seat belt before heading to the driver’s side.

“May I know with what?”

“A song. A love song,” his voice is abrupt, but still layered with tease.

“I beg your pardon, a love song? Jungkook If you think I’m going to sedate you with some vocals then you are greatly mistaken,” I scoff with my arms folded in front of my burning chest. A love song? As if seeing him again isn’t hard enough. Now, he is giving me yet another reason to cry at night.

“Shhhh, I’ll explain everything when we get there, just sit back and relax,” he assures me with a sly wink.

“Mmhhm,” I nod, loosening up the seatbelt before crossing my arms over my chest. Navigating through all the turns, my mind is trying to piece together our destination, until we finally stop at a brick building near the campus gymnasium.

“Koo, where are we?” I ask cautiously, scanning the premises as he opens the passenger door.

“It’s a studio my buddy owns. Don’t worry the inside looks more welcoming than the outside,” Jungkook grins, locking the car as we make our way up the stairs.

“Be careful here, they’re still under construction,” he points to a hole in the wooden floor, grabbing my hand as I tip-toe behind him.

“Right, and this buddy of yours, you know how?”

“He used to produce for the band the guys and I were in. The Bulletproof Boys,” he replies proudly until I burst into a cackle, which promptly faded the smile on his face. I couldn’t help it, I was still not over the first time he mentioned the infamous band name. The Bulletproof Boys. Peak comedy if you ask me.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you,” I try to regain my composure looking at his pouty lips.

“I’m not laughing,”

“Okay, then I’m laughing at you,” I tease again, poking his side as he opens the door to what seemed like a small recording studio.

“Hey, guys! Come on in,” a man’s voice welcomes us into the dimly lit room.

“Hi hyung, thank you again,” Jungkook shakes his hand, before looking back at my flustered face. I’m usually not as awkward but something about being in a room with a stranger, Jungkook, and a hypothetical love song just did not sit well with me.

“This is Mira, she’s going to be our female lead,” Jungkook smiles, giving me a sly wink. A lead? I really do hope he is kidding. Is today April Fool's or something? Where are the cameras?

“Sounds good to me, who wants to go first?” the man asks the both of us, as I try my best to avoid his eye contact. Fiddling with my thumbs, Jungkook could sense that I was becoming more and more uncomfortable. So, he suggested that we go in together since it is my first time doing something like this after all.

“Just follow me okay?” he says softly, helping me put on the headphones before handing me the lyric sheet.

“Alright, let’s just see how the melody plays out, okay? Jungkook, if you want to jump in with your vocals now, by all means. But, Mira, you can just use this take as practice. I want you to get comfortable with the lyrics,” the producer explains, giving me a thumbs up as I nod okay.

Following Koo’s lead I tried to mumble the words under my breath, getting the feel of the song. And, to my and probably everyone’s surprise, everything was going somewhat okay? We were able to finish recording the intro in under an hour and have just gotten to the pre-chorus. After some practice, I was beginning to feel capable of managing this project, until my ears were pierced with a sudden “I love you,” projecting from Jungkook’s microphone.

“Oh?” I let out a loud gasp, covering my mouth as my eyes shot up at his form across the booth. Searching my flushed face, he grins, pointing to the lyric sheet on my stand. Furrowing my eyebrows I begin scanning the lines with my finger, realising that he was singing one of the adlibs. However, what came after almost made me sick. Suddenly, it all felt a bit too real. Shutting my eyes, I tried to regain my composure, and within a second, I was back in that hospital room, sitting across from Koo’s frail body as his thumb caressed my palms.

“I love you, Mira. I’ve been loving you this whole time,” his sweet words played in my head, as tears rolled down my face. Feeling the knot in my throat, I was practically screaming, but nothing came out. I couldn't do it, not then and not now. I couldn’t say the words he desperately deserved to hear. And just like that, I was back in the booth, only this time, my heaving body was plopped on the floor surrounded by both Jungkook and his producer. But, before they could ask me anything, I rushed out of the room, virtually sprinting towards the nearest washroom, where I hoped to lock myself from the outside world. Closing my eyes, all I could see were the replays of that scene before they were suddenly interrupted by the knocking on the stall door.

“Mira! Mira, open up, it’s me,” Jungkook’s voice is heavy, almost breathless.

“Are you in the women’s washroom?” I yelp in disbelief, wiping the tears off of my face.

“There’s no one here, come out, please,” he pleads softly, moving back as I slowly open the door. Lowering my gaze, I fold my arms over my chest before leaning back on the stall as if I didn’t just pass out in front of him. Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain myself before feeling his arms wrap around my shoulders as our bodies melted into a tight hug. Oh, Koo, if only you knew how much I missed your warm embrace.

“Mira, please tell me what’s wrong,” Jungkook whispers, burying his face in the curve of my neck, as I feel his breath on my skin.

“Koo, I told you, I’m fine,” I managed to lie, placing my hands on his shoulders to create at least some distance.

“Fine? You dropped to the floor and were unresponsive,” he shouts, furrowing his eyebrows from frustration as his hands grab mine.

“I … I think my period is coming soon. The days before are always killer,” I explain, trying to convince the both of us, before feeling his worried gaze search my scattering eyes.

“Your period?” he confirms.

“Mmhm,” I give him a few nods, feeling his grip on my hands slowly loosen. Tucking the stray hair behind my ear, Jungkook leans closer, tracing the trail of dried tears on my face before letting out a soft sigh.

“Okay, I believe you. I’ll always believe you, Mira,”

Please, don't.

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