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#i am so sorry but i had a lot of feelings okay
ghostofhyuck · 2 days
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NCT Dream and their drunk voicemails to you.
AN: Mention of death in Jisung's part.
Mark Lee
"Hey babe, right now I'm at my hotel room and the kids, they wanted to have drink to unwind. Yeah we just finished our dome concert and it's surreal like...I can't believe it, another dream come true." a chuckle escapes from Mark. "Yeah I'm a little drunk right now and, I don't know how many cans I have drank but we have a flight tomorrow. I don't know I might pass out at the plane." Mark laughs once again, you can hear his frustrated sigh. "I'm seeing you tomorrow again, I miss you...damn. I'm gone for like five days and I am missing you already? But couldn't help it. I love you babe...can't wait to go home to you. I love you...again. God, I'm so drunk right now but you know what? I love you." 
Huang Renjun
"Chenle shut up! I'm trying to talk to yn," Renjun started. From the background, there's a lot of noise. A chaotic noise that deafens your boyfriend's voice. "yn? baby? I hope you can hear me but --- Haechan be fucking quiet! Sorry about that, we're in Jaemin's place and we had a little drink ---" "Hyung had two bottles of soju already!" Chenle interrupted. "Renjunnie is that yn? Tell her I miss her!" Haechan added. "Renjun, best you get out just so you can talk to yn," Mark suggested. "Yeah whatever." another voicemail was sent to you. "I'm outside right now, the boys are so loud, I can't believe it," but you can hear his laughter. "Anyways, I just want to update you about my whereabouts, I know you're busy with your work but we can talk in the morning okay? I love you baby." 
Lee Jeno
"Hey yn..." a frustrated sigh can be heard followed by seconds of silence. "I don't know why, but I just had the feeling of sending you this right now...but how are you? Damn, that's kinda stupid for me to ask after what I did to you but I can't help it. I wanted to know if you're fine, and if you're doing well. I wanted to know so that this guilt won't eat me up everyday. It's frustrating me yn, I am really sorry for breaking your heart. I know that I made a lot of mistakes and...I don't know what to say," a bitter laugh escapes Jeno's lips. "Drunk? Maybe I am, so I'm sorry for sending you a drunk voicemail at this ungodly hour. Just...fuck, this is a mistake. Sorry yn, I'm really sorry for everything. Just ignore this. Or just delete this, don't reply to me. This isn't supposed to happen." 
Lee Donghyuck
"I can't believe you left me!" Haechan shouted. "Why? why!? Was it me? Just tell me what went wrong and maybe I can leave you alone now! Maybe I can get you out of my head because fuck it! There's not a day where I am missing you and wondering what happened with the two of us. I always wonder if I didn't something so stupid that you left me..." Haechan deeply sighs, trying to hold back his tears. "Hyuck stop it, you're drunk." "No! I can't believe it Renjun!" Haechan shouted. "Yn left me. She broke up with me! I can't believe it...why? Why did she do it?" Haechan cried to his friend who only nod, patting lightly his shoulders. "Hyuck wake up, you know the reason why she broke up with you, stop it." Jaemin rebutted. "But...it hurts you know? I just ---" 
Na Jaemin
"Yn~" Jaemin giggled. "How's your date with him? What's his name again? Sungchan? He's good-looking by the way," Jaemin lets out a sigh. "I'm at the bar right now, so sorry if it's too noisy. Don't worry, I can handle everything. No, I'm not getting drunk right now." it suddenly became quiet for a second. "I don't know, maybe I am, it's shitty right? But you know what's more shitty? Is that you're having fun out there while I'm here getting drunk right now because I'm jealous! Yes yn, I am jealous of Sungchan because I like you! there I said it!" you heard him opening another bottle of soju. "I like you since we were kids yn, why can't you see it? fuck...this is so embarrassing, confessing to you at my worst state well," Jaemin laughs. "I'm a coward yn, I can't even confess to you when I'm sober." 
Zhong Chenle
"Hey babe, the boys just left my place," Chenle started, letting out a small laugh. "I told them they can crash in my place but they were persistent to go back to their place, but it's obvious that they're struggling." another laugh escapes Chenle's lips. "Yeah, I'm a bit tipsy right now and I know that it's probably morning wherever you are and if you're hearing this, don't worry I'm fine." you can hear second of silence before a small bark echoed on the background. "Oh? Daegallie is here, Daegal come here~" you can hear Daegal's bark along with Chenle's small laugh. "You miss your mom? I miss her too. But she's out there having a tour in US, so let's wait for her to come home okay? I love you yn, have fun there." 
Park Jisung
"Hi love," Jisung started with a soft tone. "It's been so long right? I'm in my dorm right now, I just packed my clothes and no, I didn't overpacked don't worry. Tomorrow, we'll start our world tour. It can be tiring but I'll try to be healthy?" Jisung lets out a deep sigh before brushing his hair out of frustration. "After this world tour, we'll be having another album. It's going to be good year for NCT Dream and I know that if you're here, you'll be cheering hard. Fuck, I miss you so so much." another deep sigh exits his lips. "There's no day where I am missing you, and my hyungs, they miss you too. I just...I can't believe it's been a year since you've been gone." Jisung lets out a small choke, trying hard not to cry. "I'm sorry...I told you that I won't cry anymore, but it still hurts me love. Sorry, but I'll be going now, goodbye love, I love you." 
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moonstruckme · 10 hours
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ok ok, so you said you wanted some ideas for a camp counselor James, so I am here to supply one! What if reader was teaching the kids lashings and knots, and when cutting the rope with a pocket knife, their hand slips and they cut themselves, so reader tells one of the kids to get the nurse (because their hand is bleeding and they can't stand from the grass) but the kid comes back with James instead (because the kid panicked and James is the first person she saw) and James helps reader get to the nurse while fretting over their hand
Thank you for requesting angel!
cw: blood
camp counselor!James x fem!reader ♡ 827 words
A hiss escapes you as the knife slices across your hand. You drop it and your fist clenches closed on instinct, but not before the kids watching you see. 
“Are you okay?” 
“Did you cut yourself?” 
“Do we call 999?”
“No, it’s okay,” you say, keeping the pain out of your voice. “Accidents happen. This is why I’m the only one who gets to use the knife, see?” You take a second to pray it’s not bad, but when you open your hand blood spills onto the grass beneath. 
You squeeze it shut again, breathing through the wave of dizziness that nearly takes you under. The only thing worse than scaring your kids by bleeding all over the place would be traumatizing them by passing out on your way to the nurse. 
“Mia.” You look to the most responsible girl in your cabin with the most reassuring smile you can piece together. “Can you go get the nurse for me, please?” 
She nods, eyes wide, and sets off. You spend the next couple of minutes trying to distract your kids and yourself, but when an adult-sized shadow falls over you and you look up in relief you very nearly swoon for different reasons. 
“Hey.” James’ brow is puckered. It doesn’t suit him, you think, but he looks lovely anyways. He probably can’t help that. “I heard we’ve had an accident.” 
“Sorry,” Mia pipes up, “I couldn’t remember where the nurse’s office was, and I—” 
“It’s okay,” you tell her, making your voice slow and soothing to combat her squeakish one. “You did your best, and I appreciate it.” 
James flashes her a smile about ten times more effective than your own. “You have good instincts. Really, no one’s more equipped to help your fearless leader than me.” He sets a hand on your shoulder, softening his voice as he leans down close to you. “Are you alright?” 
“I’m worried I’m gonna pass out,” you admit. 
“Can I have a look?” 
“It’s bleeding a lot, James. I don’t want to open it.” 
“Alright, you’re okay. Let’s get up.” James uses his grasp on your shoulder to pull you to his chest, holding your elbow with his other hand as he stands the both of you up. The change in altitude makes you immediately woozy, and a quick sigh escapes you as he scrambles to get a better grip, one arm banding around your waist. “Do you need me to carry you?” 
“No, sorry. I think I just…sorry.” 
You expect him to tease you, but maybe you should have thought better of him. “What’re you sorry for? You’re alright, lovely, just let me know if you change your mind. Or just collapse on me, and I’ll get the point.” 
He starts walking you towards the nurse’s office, your unsturdy legs following behind you. James’ body is warm and solid. You can feel the flex of his bicep pressed tight to your back, and the material of his shirt is softly worn. You don’t realize you’ve dropped your cheek onto it until you register the chatter you’re leaving behind and pick your head up. 
“The kids,” you murmur, making to turn around. James keeps you held to him, but stops. 
“Hey, guys,” he calls back to them, “my cabin’s in arts and crafts with Charlie, do you wanna go down there and tell her I sent you?” 
There’s a few excited calls of agreement, and James waits until your campers start heading in that direction before you both continue. 
“You cut yourself with your knife?” he asks, peering over your head to see where you’ve tucked your injured hand tight to your chest. It’s still dripping blood as you walk, though you think slower than before. “Is it deep?” 
“A little.” You sigh. The sun feels hotter than it did a few minutes ago, and yet James’ touch has the beginnings of a shiver curled up at the base of your spine. “I think I probably scarred my kids for life.” 
You can feel James’ chuckle reverberate through his chest. “Don’t worry, they’ll be fine. Kids are hardy, especially these ones. One of my boys put hot sauce in another’s coke yesterday and the kid barely even flinched. Drank the whole thing.” 
You feel your lips tugging upwards. “Well, my girls are better than your boys.” 
He huffs a laugh. “I could so prove you wrong, but I don’t make a habit of arguing with the wounded.” 
James gets you to the nurse’s office in one piece. You expect him to go then, but he insists on staying to make sure you’re okay. He keeps you tucked into his side, scrubbing his hand up and down your arm intermittently and kissing your hair when the nurse has to clean your cut. He lets you leave your cheek resting on his chest, and you still feel dizzy for a myriad of reasons, but your injury is no longer one of them.
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never not mine | jjk | "i hear..."
pairing(s): jungkook x reader
Bygones will be bygone eras, fading into grey. Breaking up with Jeon Jungkook had been a vicious, clean break. He tried to take it back, but the damage was already done. You walked out of the world you didn't belong in, at least until Kim Taehyung calls your name.
this is part i | part ii | part iii
warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of controlling behaviors in a romantic relationship; reader is emotionally distant after said breakup; second chance romance?; angst and fluff and feels; your POV
non-idol!AU; fashion model!Jungkook — ft fellow model/actor!Kim Taehyung and model/businessman!Kim Seokjin; and a certain Maestro cameo; reader is not part of the entertainment industry
--
“Please love me again.”
You could hear him saying it but you pretended not to hear. You pretended not to know. You pretended he wasn’t there. He was persona non grata. No, he was simply another blurry face amongst many that faded into the grey background of grey days. He was only a ghost. If he happened to be in the same place as you were, it wasn’t any of your damn business. People were allowed to be wherever they wanted to be.
“I’m sorry.”
Yes, he was.
Sorry that he couldn’t walk all over you like he wanted. Sorry that he couldn’t control you on that leash like he wanted. Sorry that you had the balls to cut all ties and not put up with his selfish bullshit anymore. Sorry. What a word. Your response had not been a vindictive one, though. You hadn’t blocked him on social media. You figured he would block you himself. The last moments were him berating you for being late, what if something happened to you, I was worried, and you snapping. It had taken every fiber of your being to not fling your clutch in his face and tell him to take himself out if he cared so much.
“I understand what you meant now.”
The first couple times he attempted to speak to you after it all, you were ice-cold furious. So angry that you simply refused to speak to avoid spitting literal fire. So, you didn’t. And then it became a habit. Then you stopped caring. You stopped feeling. You lived your life.
Alone.
Like an abandoned puppy, Jeon Jungkook followed you every chance he got, but there were less and less chances as time went on. You would walk past him. He would follow until it was definitely too creepy and simply stop, staring after you with a lost look in his empty eyes. Everyone could see the broken heart in his stare.
A lot of people asked you what happened.
It was a valid question.
It was just as valid for you to not answer.
“I’m not going to talk about that. We can talk about something else.”
You avoided people who couldn’t let it go or cut them out altogether. What was the point of shit-talking, taking sides, making yourself angry over things that couldn’t be changed? What was the point of being upset over nights that couldn’t be taken back? Over phone calls and you sitting alone in a restaurant, empty chair in front of you and the reason in your hand, an opportunity came up, I’m leaving for Los Angeles in the morning, I need to pack, bye. Over trips suddenly cut short in the middle, the agency called, another model got sick last minute so I gotta go, just stay here and have fun. By yourself. Over accusations, what are you doing right now, send a photo, now. Over doubts, are you really at the supermarket, I don’t know, you could be doing anything, I’m not there after all. Over being five minutes late because the taxi you had taken was driven by an older gentleman chatting away, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him to shut up simply because of a boy.
Five minutes.
“Where were you? You need to tell me if you’re late. What if something happened? I was worried.”
“The driver was talking to me.”
“And you couldn’t text that you were okay?”
“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”
“Am I not your priority?” he had hissed.
Snap.
All those times, all those moments, okay, I understand, it’s fine, you can make it up to me later, they all came back to you in vivid recollections, and you had stared at Jeon Jungkook. All those people saying how lucky you must be having such a good-looking guy, an actual fashion model, must be so nice, and you only said nice things about him because it didn’t occur to you to complain, no, it would be silly to complain about someone you loved. That was part of loving someone, wasn’t it, being in love was putting up with these things and believing in their words. All those instances, prove what you’re doing, send a photo. Now. All that shit got you to this moment right here, right now, under this furious scrutiny, his dark brows furrowed, his pretty mouth twisted in a frown, his question ringing in your ears.
His accusation in which he had already deemed you guilty.
“The fuck you say to me?” you had growled softly.
Never once did you ask him what he was doing in the destination that he was at. Never once did you fault him for going out and having fun. Never once did you say anything about the multiple social posts of beaches and hotels and nightclubs and everyone scantily-clad, his arms around fellow models, pressed up against fabulous guys and glamorous girls. If he didn’t answer you for a couple days, you assumed it was due to long shoot days and combined jetlag making him crash. The very answer he gave you the first time you asked. You believed him then. There was no need to ask for confirmation over and over if you trusted him. And you did trust him.
Now, this.
“I was five minutes late. If I thought I would be later, I would have texted you,” you explained with emotionless calm. “At least I showed up. At least I didn’t make you sit down in the restaurant, wait around for an hour only to get a text that you aren’t coming. Not even a phone call anymore.”
You hadn’t raised your voice.
He had looked taken aback.
“But… I thought you would understand.”
“Of course, I understand.” The seething anger was white-hot but your tone was crystal-clear cold. “I can understand, as long as you show me some grace and appreciation for not losing my shit every time it happens. Am I not your priority? When have I ever been yours?”
He tried to answer quickly. “You’re always–”
But you were already pulling up the rideshare app, calling another car to come pick you up. “Am I? Then why accuse me the second I get out of the car? Where was I? In the taxi. You saw me get out of it. Why are you holding five minutes over my head like a death sentence, as if I surely betrayed you in those extra five minutes? If it’s you it could be five, thirty, hours, but I have to understand you are networking. I have to understand you are being personable. I have to understand that you are practicing being friendly because it doesn’t come naturally to you.”
Jungkook simply gawked at you, wide-eyed.
You narrowed your eyes, creating a distance he could no longer cross.
“Am I just here so you have someone to visit when you’re bored? Someone to fuck?”
Maybe the vulgarity was taking it too far. Maybe saying all of this in public right now was in poor taste. His jarring question rang in your head. Am I not your priority? Maybe you were wrong to say it all now, but it was the way he said it, as if your love for him had become invalid once you were five minutes late to the appointed time for this date that you didn’t know whether or not he would abandon you in the middle of or take you home and rock your world – and you realized you didn’t care what the outcome was.
You just didn’t give a fuck anymore.
There were so many things he could have done. He could break up with you if his career was more important. He could say sorry more. He could find ways to make it up to you. He could, but he didn’t, and you understood. But this. This you could not understand. This he could not do.
No.
This you would not let him do.
If this was innocent concern, he made it worse by coming off as suffocating and hovering. Now, you realized that no excuse would have been good enough to convince him otherwise. He had already made up his mind to attack you the second you walked out of that car, delivering in the fatal blow instantly. All those moments. All those times had become hair-thin cracks, marring the bond between you and him, tiny little slices to kill the relationship and your will to be in it.
“I don’t think…”
He trailed off, not completing his thought.
The car pulled up.
This was surely the meaning of quiet treason.
“No, you don’t,” you had finished for him with icy agreement. “You expect. You expect me to be here and hold your hand when you want it, and now I know you will never ask me if I ever need my hand held.”
You had stepped away from the curb, not once raising your voice, no longer looking at him, your knuckles digging into your beaded black clutch. You expected it to hurt at least a little.
It was nothing compared to this death by a thousand cuts.
“W-Wait!”
You didn’t.
You had opened the car door and closed it quickly. The driver  requested you to confirm your name. You tersely nodded. They didn’t ask any further questions even as you witnessed Jungkook’s shocked face in the side mirror as the vehicle drove away. You didn’t look back. You didn’t even cry. Maybe you should have given him a chance to say something. A chance to change.
Except you had.
This wasn’t the first time that you had this conversation, although the first time was you sitting him down and saying, hey, if you’re not sure about your schedule, let’s not arrange any dates around those days. We can go out when things settle down. The answer was agreement and all was well for a couple weeks. And then it would happen again. And then you would bring it up again. Whoops. And again.Then he would ask you what you were doing when he wasn’t there. Oh, really? Send pictures.You asking, this is a bit much, isn’t it? The answer being, I want to know you’re safe. You finally admitting that it drove you a bit crazy. Him laughing and saying he was a bit of a handful, brushing away your concerns in light of his own.
Five minutes.
Am I not your priority?
The anger had nowhere to go.
Like how summer turned into fall and then into winter, the anger grew cold and dense and concentrated. A stone. Then one day you turned it over and found nothing underneath. You stopped caring. On one hand, you could have been the bigger person and reached out. On another hand, you didn’t see the reason in wasting any more time. What good was closure? What good would it do, talking it out and getting the same result? Deserve this, deserve that. Fair or not, at the end of the day, it didn’t work and there was no forcing something if neither party wanted to really try. I understand, until you couldn’t anymore.
Now.
Now, you would sit alone at restaurants and not be disappointed.
Table for one, yes, thank you.
Now you would spend hours at the games store and no one would be asking you to take pictures and prove that you were there. He used to play video games too, but he gradually fell out of them. Busy. Felt like he couldn’t keep up. Sold his PC because he was never home.
Emptiness where he had once enjoyed spending that time with you.
You would stay at the music store for a long time, looking over albums and wondering if you should buy them. It had been such a long time. You never listened to CDs anymore although you had been obsessed with music as a kid. The past felt like a different time. Memories of a clunky CD player and wired headphones with the metal arch over your head and those spongey earcups. Now you had wireless earbuds and a phone. Still, you looked over the colorful albums and wondered if you should get one, just to have it or maybe even put it on display. He used to listen to a lot of music too. Probably still did, on planes and in cars. He used to share your taste.
Now you didn’t have to share anything.
You stuck with your favorites, still, for years. It was an ever-growing list of popular artists as well as lesser-known indie artists that you never forgot. You made sure to listen to the top hits as well since those songs were popular for a reason. The occasional earworm could lead you down a pleasant rabbit hole, too.
You picked up an album of a band you liked but had never owned and went home.
Got that dopamine unboxing it and smiling at the photocards. Looked through the extras with the album on repeat playing through your Bluetooth speaker. You didn’t do these kinds of things in front of Jungkook usually. You had always prioritized engaging with him. Listening to his stories, looking at the photos of places he had been, shaking your head at the long hours or difficult call times. Every moment precious because you would never know when it would be cut short.
You had made everything about him when in his presence.
You hadn’t blasted the relationship all over social media although it was obvious. For the most part, people had been respectful. You hadn’t deleted all the photos he was in, the photos he had taken of you, nor had you blocked him. People asked. You repeated the same thing over and over. I’m not going to talk about that. We can talk about something else. People eventually stopped asking. Old news was old news. There was no visible resentment, and so the interest died out.
You caught Jungkook looking at you from across the concessions stand at the movie theater.
Those big dark brown eyes filled with rueful invitation.
You didn’t know what movie he was going into, but you turned away and didn’t think about it much.
Watched the movie you paid for, alone.
Went home.
Alone.
You used to watch movies twice. Once by yourself when it released, then a second time when Jungkook could make it. When he could. Sometimes he couldn’t and the movie was already out of theaters. Then you both would watch it at home when it released on streaming services. It was what it was. You enjoyed movies. You had the time and money to watch them twice. But now you didn’t have to.
That was nice.
You weren’t sure if Jungkook was deliberately going places that you often frequented or if it was coincidence. It was likely the latter, because he usually wasn’t alone. He had a group of friends that lived in this area and often came to visit them. He used to joke that it must have been fate for you to meet as your friend circles didn’t overlap. At least he had not shown up to the video games store or the music store you usually went to, so you didn’t feel threatened in any way. Maybe he was visiting his friends more because he was sad. Maybe he was visiting them more in hopes of seeing you, the same tactic he used when he first asked you out. Maybe it was both.
It was probably both.
Sometimes you would cry in frustration.
Sometimes you would play games to distract yourself.
Sometimes you didn’t mind too much as the days passed. Sometimes you would look outside and admire the sun. Sometimes it would rain and that was nice too. Sometimes you were sad but it wasn’t a negative feeling. Such was the natural course. Sadness was the promise of happiness to come, because one couldn’t exist without the other.
At least, you believed so.
Ther wasn’t much more you could do than that.
For a bit there you had almost thought the relationship hadn’t mattered because you had walked away so coldly. In some ways, you wished you could take it back. In other ways, you didn’t. It was hard to discount years of your life simply because of how the chapter ended. There had definitely been unique experiences that you were unlikely to relive. You used to attend lavish parties with Jungkook, especially many around the holidays. You would dress up in your best and put on a brave face. A lovely dress, the high heels he brought you, carefully done makeup and hair. Jungkook would walk in with you gliding beside him, silently holding his arm. People would tell you how fun it was working with him and how lucky he was to have such a pretty and understanding lady. These were all work events full of unfamiliar faces. Jungkook used to be reserved and hang out with you in corners but, as he got more popular, more people roped him into conversations, remember this, and he would slip in with his friends, naturally, laughing and smiling. You would wait nearby, at yet another party surrounded by better bodies, and somehow he would find you at the end of the night, ask you if you had fun.
And you would smile and assure him.
“Something like that.”
The best parties were the ones thrown by his friend Kim Taehyung. He had been in the entertainment industry for a long time, becoming Jungkook’s friend though their crossed paths in modeling. He had an affliction for celebration and Jungkook was always invited, which meant you, too, bore witness to many magnificent events hosted by him. The most extravagant were his own birthday parties. Quite so, as the date was after Christmas, and he continued the festive mood. Taehyung loved a theme. He would rent specific venues, arrange for live music, impose a dress code, everything. One year, he flew everyone out to Paris and rented an entire restaurant to celebrate. Even if you barely knew anyone there, it was fun being in a different world created by Taehyung’s magical vision. Everyone was thrown into it together, experiencing the vibes of an old American jazz club, the white beaches with glass waters during Christmastime, or a playful night filled with Taehyung’s favorite childhood games and sweet treats, complete with food stalls from the area of Daegu he grew up in.
You didn’t fit in, but no one did because these were all Taehyung’s fantasies brought to life.
He always sent the invitations by physical mail, on stunning stationery to match the theme. Someone else must have created them, but seemingly Taehyung approved them all as every single one contained his unique flourishing signature. You kept them in a box. They were too pretty to throw away.
You had received an invitation this year too, to a midnight masquerade ball, but you didn’t go.
Perhaps he didn’t know yet. Or, perhaps he did know and Jungkook asked him to invite you. They were quite close. If there was a plan, you didn’t take the bait. The date came and went. Maybe Taehyung considered you a friend, but that was probably a stretch. Jungkook didn’t like you talking to Taehyung too much.
Apparently, you made him smile too big.
Or something.
Taehyung had an entire party to get to every time you met him, anyway. You would have to shoo him off because there was very little night and Taehyung wanted to speak to every guest one-on-one. He was sincere like that. He was romantic like that. He was dark and handsome and in his own head, in his constant dream of living his wonderful life that, from what you could discern, he deserved. He even always remembered to ask the staff working at his party to eat cake with them. At the end of the night, Taehyung would pick up the microphone and thank the guests for coming and thank the staff for working hard to provide everyone with a good time. Taehyung always remembered to say thank you and he always made sure to express his gratitude to everyone, no matter their status.
You missed being at his party, a little bit, if only just to witness a fairy-tale in real life.
But you weren’t part of Jeon Jungkook’s world anymore.
And so you missed the party.
Please love me again.
On quiet, grey days, you realized how very boring your life was. On quiet, grey days, you were tempted to think about the good times. About his laugh, about his starry eyes when you came into view, about enchanted nights where you would both make magic between bodies. On quiet, grey days, you were tempted to pick out all his flaws until the memories were burned, images stricken with ash, never to be the same again. On quiet, grey days, you had every chance to run back or run away, at least in your head, but instead you lived your very boring life doing neither of those choices.
Whether you loved him or hated him, the result would still be the same.
You entered the artisan tea shop and greeted the staff. You talked about how your father was into tea, chatted about what would make a good gift. The prices of the sets. The amount of loose-leaf tea and how many cups it would make. The various flavors and strength. You smelled a bunch of different ones. Rejected some, remained indecisive about others, accepted a few as contenders.
You heard the bell by the door chime again, musical and clear.
A male’s voice, deep and polite.
You tensed. Your body knew before your mind caught up. You pointed to several flavors you had liked, and the employee suggested a gift box sampler featuring a watercolor camellia-printed limited-edition teacup set that you agreed to readily, all the while vaguely aware of a tingling behind your neck and a vigilant tension forming in your lungs. But it wasn’t until your name was called that you turned around by instinct, and then froze with recognition. Dark brown eyes under graceful black-brown waves. Tan skin glimmering under the lights. The image completed by a three-piece chocolate brown suit paired with a ruffled warm gray dress shirt and sharp dark leather oxfords. The stylish man smiled widely, box-like, and walked towards you without hesitation.
“Fancy seeing you here.”
Kim Taehyung must have known, and yet.
You bowed lightly. “Hello.”
The sales associate was immediately charmed by Taehyung’s deep voice and dashing appearance, their gloved hands hovering over the half-packed box and openly ogling the demandingly handsome gentleman that took your hand warmly before lightly kissing your knuckles. Straight out of a movie. Probably learned it from one, or from traveling in Europe. He let go after a lingering moment.
He had said your name with the same velvety warmth he had at all of his parties.
It had hurt, but it wasn’t his fault.
“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you buying something?” He raised his head and daintily smiled at the employee before giving you his full attention again. “Let me pay for it.”
“No, ah,” you interrupted him quickly, handing over your card before Taehyung could reach into his heavily lined pockets. “No, sorry. I’m buying a gift for my father.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he apologized immediately, retracting his hands. “I meant to do something nice for you and I’ve overstepped.”
“It’s… It’s alright,” you chuckled softly, trying to dissipate the awkwardness. You turned slightly to sign the receipt, not looking at the price. Your card went back into your black leather bow purse. “You had no way of knowing. How are you? And your parents?”
Taehyung was still a little sheepish but he remained next to you at a respectful distance. “Me? I guess you could say I’m holding on. I think I might take a small break soon and spend a week with my family. How did you know I was thinking of them?” He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a mind-reader.”
You shook your head with a smile, taking the beautifully wrapped bag and bowing in gratitude to the employee. “No, you’ve just never been a big tea drinker. It was only a guess.”
He scratched the back of his head and sighed lightheartedly. “Ah, you’re right. I wanted to buy a grown-up gift, but maybe I should have asked what they wanted. I don’t know the first thing about tea.”
You both began to walk towards the entrance.
“You’re their adorable child. They will love anything you gift them.”
Taehyung grinned. “So, you think I’m adorable?”
You opened your mouth and then.
Then you were suddenly hyperaware of the brightness of the lights in the tea store. Suddenly aware of all the customers around you milling about and chatting with their friends and the employees. Suddenly the scents of the store were too strong and too varied and suddenly a phantom grip on your arm from a time long past pulled you away from your center, into the past, and you remembered all the times you stood in a corner of a party, on the outskirts of alcohol, music, and magic, wondering why you were so, so alone.
You plastered a smile on your face and replied pleasantly.
“Of course, you are, Kim Taehyung.”
It lasted a second.
Maybe less.
Taehyung gazed at you with curious eyes.
You kept the smile on your face.
He stepped past you and opened the door, gesturing you to walk out before him in the most gentlemanly way, smiling with his eyes crinkling as they usually did when he laughed or was in his comfort zone. “Come. Let me at least treat you to lunch,” he insisted.
You accepted his graciousness and turned as you walked to face him as you spoke. “That’s really not necessary. I’m sure you’re very busy.”
He chuckled, the sound coming deep from his chest. “Of course, I’m busy, but I always have time for a friend.” He shrugged nonchalantly, grinning. “My manager expects this kind of behavior from me anyway.”
You paused, looking up at him. “Friend?”
Flutters of lashes and confusion in dark brown orbs.
“Are we not friends?”
People around you continued walking, giving you and Taehyung weird looks. He didn’t seem to notice, undeterred by the world around him that wasn’t currently in his focus, the main character at every moment in his life, oblivious to anyone trying to get under his skin with their judgements, never the accessory to someone else.
It turned out to be more difficult than you thought, saying the words.
“I… well… Don’t you know that Jeon Jungkook and I aren’t dating anymore?”
Taehyung tilted his head with childlike innocence.
“Um… so you don’t eat lunch anymore?”
You blinked at him.
“Huh?”
He gave you this look. You stared back. For a moment the disconnect was so tangible that you almost had a word for it. A zephyr ruffled Taehyung’s soft curls. The sun made his skin glow and his dark eyes sparkle. Small signs of Mother Nature affectionately acknowledging one of her children. He smiled. It was then that you realized this was a decision you could make. A decision of a lonely self, not a lonely self that was an extension of another. A yes or no that didn’t have to be polluted by the past.
“Well…”
Your hands tightened on the straps of the gift bag.
“If you’ll have me.”
Taehyung grinned. “I know just the spot! You’ll love it.”
-
It was nice lunch.
No, it was wonderful time.
You had been worried that you would be underdressed in your calf-length flowy black dress and chunky knit lavender cardigan, but you fit right in. Taehyung had picked a busy rooftop brunch spot. It was French-themed, or at least as French as Korea could get. There was a bit more wood than brass and crystals. It still made for a nice hideaway. It seemed Taehyung was well recognized here, and yet people maintained a distance regardless. It must have been his polite yet stern demeanor. When he sat down though, he seemed to relax, waving a hand and telling you to order whatever you liked.
You never could turn down good brioche.
You thought it would have been awkward, at least. It wasn’t. He talked about his work, asked about yours. Asked what you thought about this or that. Memories from past events, what you liked or didn’t like. What he paid too much for that nobody noticed, along with a hearty laugh, and moments he loved, such as having a group photo at every one of his events. You asked him if he enjoyed planning the events themselves. He confessed with a roughish smile that he had a planner for all those details. You thought it strange to spend so much money on such occasions, but there was something pure about it too. Besides, you ended up getting your answer.
“What’s the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?” Taehyung abruptly asked, sitting up in alarm.
You blinked at his suddenness. “Uh… I don’t know. I would have to think about it.” Your lips upturned slightly, then you tilted your head and looked back at him. “What about you? What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in your life so far?”
He relaxed back in his chair. His expression became pensive. You paused in mid-bite, seeing him look a bit sheepish.
“You’re not the first person to ask me about the parties,” Taehyung chuckled deep from his chest. “A lot of people tell me it’s a waste of money. And it is to other people, but it isn’t to me. The most important lesson I’ve ever learned was…”
He raised his head with a small smile.
“You can’t get time back.”
You remembered the extensive decor, the delicate hors d'oeuvres, even the various perfumes sprayed into the air complimenting the theme of each party. Exquisite and memorable details. Taehyung ticked his head, seemingly recalling it all too.
“I think I’ve mentioned this, but my grandmother was the closest maternal figure I had,” he explained, fondly smiling. “I’m close to my parents too, but they had to work a lot to give me a good life, so I spent a lot of time with my siblings and grandparents. My grandmother used to hold celebrations for the achievements I had, even if they were mediocre or not that impressive. Nothing extravagant, or anything. A little cake or my favorite sweets. She would sing for me and clap her hands. She would say, it’s my duty to give you good memories. As I got older, I became busy, of course, chasing dreams, and I didn’t make time for her small celebrations any more. I was just out of university when she passed away. I often think I hadn’t spent enough time with her. Time is money, as they say. Next time, I would say, until there wasn’t a next time.”
The weight of his words settled on the table.
“It’s not your fault,” you reminded him, but Taehyung simply smiled and shook his head.
“It wasn’t anybody’s fault,” he agreed. “But that wasn’t it. I couldn’t get all that time back. Sure, did I take jobs that put me in a really good place now? Yeah. Yeah, of course, I make a lot of money now since young me jumped at every chance to model for a small brand or do a single-run commercial. I really love my career. I love that, because I did the hard work, I even get offers to act in primetime dramas now. But I should have made less. I should have made time. I should have gone to see her and let her do her duty to give me good memories.”
He waved his hands in a slight shrug. You could tell he was still regretful about it, but there was something else too. He looked directly at you with that boxy grin of his.
“I decided, then, that I too  wanted to give good memories to the people that are precious to me. I have all this money, anyway. Why waste it on things? I want to waste it on memories. I want people to look forward to special days, to celebrate life, to look back on a fun time.”
So that was why.
“That is what is really important to me.”
Kim Taehyung wasn’t only good looks, of course.
“I’ve yapped long enough. What is really important to you?” he asked again, chuckling.
“Oh, I…”
And there were no words.
You straightened, startled by your own silence. There were lots of important things, weren’t there? There was… and there wasn’t. Friends, sure. And, also, friends came in and out of your life. You didn’t take it personally. Family, yes. Cordial but not deep. They had their own lives to live. You almost opened your mouth to say these generic things, and then you caught the look in Taehyung’s eye and stopped.
This basic question was not so basic after all.
“I… Am I boring?” you blurted with a start.
“Boring?” Taehyung frowned. “No, you’re not.”
Your brows furrowed. “Aren’t I?”
He laughed, hearty and deep. “Trust me. You’re not boring. We wouldn’t be having a conversation if you were boring.”
Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Why are we having a conversation?”
Taehyung smiled warmly.
“Because I appreciate your outlook on life.”
You were taken aback.
“What?”
He nodded. “Isn’t it obvious?” He waved a hand carelessly. “I’ve met so many people doing what I do. Some people are just nice to you because of money. Or think you can boost their reputation. Or they think they can take advantage of you. You’ve been around all that too, no?” He did not mention Jungkook.
“Oh, well…” you hesitated. “Not anymore. I’m pretty ordinary.”
A small frown. “No, everyone is extraordinary.”
You scoffed. “I’m only an accountant. Not even one that works closely with my own clients – I’m just the one at the firm that does the final review over everyone’s work to make sure we don’t get into legal trouble. That’s nothing like what you do.”
He impatiently swept your words away. “Everyone is extraordinary,” he repeated.
“I don’t think–”
“You are different,” Taehyung pressed. “You had been introduced to a different world than your own and you could have been a vulture. You could have taken for your own sake. You could have done everything you could to be ‘one of us’. You could have scorned us too, called it all superficial and stupid. But you didn’t.” He crossed his arms to make his point. “You observed. You listened. You treated me, the people around me, everyone as their own person. We weren’t just some dumb rich people to you. We were individuals.”
You didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t something you had ever consciously thought about before.
“There are so many people that believe in using others, either in a beneficial way or in a cruel way,” sighed Taehyung. “It’s a difficult world. We all need to live.” He reached over and made you jump by placing his hand over the back of yours. “Don’t give up on that, okay?”
Your stared at him with wide eyes. “On… what?”
Almost. You didn’t quite have an answer for the most important lesson in your life you had learned so far. But almost. Kim Taehyung cocooned his palm over your hand and trapped you with his determined brown eyes, straight from a drama scene. A heavenly prince in a fancy café. He looked back to you very seriously, taking all of your attention away from the whispering conversations on other tables, away from the clinking plates and glasses, away from all distractions.
“Don’t give up on the way you want to live.”
Those small moments.
From eating dinner alone to watching movies alone to buying that album and unboxing it yourself to looking outside, days and nights, wondering what could have been and killing that thought over and over again.
“The way… I want to live?” you echoed breathlessly.
The clear, musical chime of the bell by the entrance sang through the air, mingling with the conversation and consumption. A halo of sound that rang true over every table to reach every customer. It was as striking as it was lovely, flawlessly melding into the moment. A pure sound that could trigger a pleasant déjà vu, the recall of a good chat over good food.
Taehyung grinned with his beautiful, perfectly white teeth.
“I want you to have good memories. Whatever you decide, let us make good memories with those precious to us.”
You decided, then and there, that you needed to start doing things.
-
“Oh, good, you’re home. That would have been awfully embarrassing.”
“W-What…?”
You backed up in your slippers as a stunningly well-dressed man flourished into your home like an astronaut landing on the moon. That was, if the moon was your front door. The black mat was space-themed, printed with abstract stars and a grayish circle. It wasn’t entirely inaccurate. Your pajamas were also soft black cotton with a twinkly star print, although your slippers were simple, white furry poofs that felt like walking on clouds.
“Take this.”
“What is – oof!”
In contrast to your outfit, the man who had entered your home looked like he had stepped off the runway. He wore light blue trousers that you almost mistook for jeans, however they had a tone-on-tone print that clearly indicated the luxury designer. Underneath the navy-blue duster coat was a crisp white shirt pressed to the gods with distinctive sky-blue trim. A quick glimpse and anyone would know the inner lining of the duster was blue silk, the matching tone-on-tone print subtle and obvious at the same time. You nearly buckled under the weight of a wooden box, gasping as you saw the slices of high-grade beef in a gold bow. The man gestured with his hand in a swooping manner.
“I heard all about it from Taehyung,” he was saying, shrugging his broad shoulders heavily.
“Heard…?” You were still reeling from the unexpected guest and a box of meat. “What’s this, I can’t accept th–”
The man shot you a scathing look. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he chided, dismissive. “How unbelievably rude I would be dropping by your home if I didn’t have a gift? Psh, why, I wouldn’t be Kim Seokjin!”
And so he was.
Although, as far as you knew, you and famous-actor-turned-businessman Kim Seokjin were not close friends. Not close enough to be gifted with a house call and meat, anyway. He had been close to Jeon Jungkook back then. They often sought each other out when they both attended the same events. You were well aquatinted with Seokjin’s boisterous personality and his worldwide-known handsomeness. He was no different today, looking sculpted from jawline to broad shoulders to the regal way he stood. Glowing skin. Lightly permed, chestnut brown hair. Full lips, currently in a slight frown.
You bowed awkwardly. “S-Sorry, I just didn’t expect…”
“Ah, it’s alright.” He called you by name, although somewhat awkwardly, as if he was unsure if he should be more formal or not. “I won’t take too much of your time.”
You were still confused about Seokjin saying he had heard something from Taehyung. Actually, you didn’t even know how he got your address, although it wasn’t impossible. After all, Taehyung’s party invitations came in snail mail. It wasn’t that shocking. You probably might have been more annoyed if you were in the middle of something, but all you had been doing was getting ready to heat up some leftover takeout. You shuffled slightly, trying to block the view of the kitchen counter. Not necessarily embarrassed, per se, as your apartment was quite spacious and neat, but nothing here was comparable to Kim Seokjin’s lifestyle. It was kind of pointless to do so, though, since Seokjin was quite tall.
He seemed not to notice or care about the current state of your kitchen.
You stood there, dazed, clutching a box of high-grade beef.
He cleared his throat very firmly. “I came to invite you to the opening of my new establishment. Two weeks from now.” He rattled off the opening date. “But don’t come on opening day. It’ll be too crowded. Some day after. Let me know when and I’ll make special arrangements for you,” he added, stepping forward to tuck his business card into one of the folds of the gold bow. “Call the number on there. My assistant will connect me to you. I can link you with talented professionals if you are interested, which I’ll pay for, of course.”
“I– What – I’m sorry?” you sputtered. “Me?”
The handsome man exaggeratedly whipped his head from side to side. “Uh, do I see anyone else? Yes, of course, you,” he affirmed gruffly. “I came to invite you in person.”
“Well…” This must be how deer felt when confronted with headlights. “I’m not trying to be rude, but, uh… why?”
Seokjin looked offended. “Why? So you can meet people, silly.”
You struggled to connect the information given to you but he was not making it easy. “Meet people?”
“Yes,” he tutted. “You want to meet people, don’t you?”
Did you? You gave him a confused look.
“As Taehyung said,” Seokjin continued as if you completely understood. “People like you need to be surrounded by good people. And I happen to know a lot of them. We need people like you in this industry.”
You shook your head. “No, I don’t have any intention of–”
“Precisely.” He barreled on as if your front entryway was his own stage. “That is precisely why.”
Silence.
A bird cawed outside.
“H… Hah?”
Something in his expression softened. You almost forgot the weight of the wood box in your hands. You almost forgot the ridiculousness of you in your pajamas and Kim Seokjin in his luxury designer clothes. You almost forgot that you were in a completely different class, completely out of your element, completely ordinary.
He sighed and slipped his hands into his pants pockets, neatly tucking back his coat. “Look, I understand if you absolutely don’t want to have anything to do with me and the others. I don’t blame you. But,” he added, nodding lightly. “Your presence is missed. I do believe your interactions with those around you have done them a world of good. Maybe not everyone, yes, but you’re still spoken of, even now.”
“What…?” You blinked, doubtful. “Really?”
Seokjin chuckled, nodding. “You are good company.”
You thought all those times. All those events, dinners, parties. You mostly remembered Jungkook letting you be. Sure, you had light conversation with those around you. You couldn’t remember all their faces. They had been simple conversations, you thought, but they weren’t superficial once you really thought about it. You didn’t have basic industry chatter to talk about, so instead you had asked about aspirations. Asked why instead of what. Why acting? Why modeling? Why entertainment? Talks of the past, the present, the future. Pretty normal, you thought, but maybe…
Maybe it was more normal to ask what they were achieving.
Maybe it wasn’t so normal to ask who someone was.
“Anyway,” Seokjin coughed, breaking you out of your daze. “I wanted to give you ample time to think about it.”
“More than two weeks?” you mused.
He waved a hand. “Don’t know about you, but I need time to schedule and plan things. I need time to get myself ready to interact,” he muttered, half-joking and half-bitterly.
The meat was getting heavy. “Ah… What’s the dress code?”
“Aish, didn’t I tell you?” Seokjin tapped the side of his head. “Think about it. Then give me a call, and I’ll arrange for hair and makeup and fashion. No, don’t even bother asking about price. I’m inviting you to introduce you to people, so I am paying. End of discussion. And…”
A loaded pause.
Tick of the head and Seokjin very seriously asked you.
“If Jeon Jungkook is there, will you be fine?”
You answered honestly.
“I don’t think it will be an issue.”
He surveyed you for a long second and then nodded.
“Alright. Let me know when you’ve decided. Have a nice night. Don’t hesitate to contact me if I can help in some way. I’m not a stranger. By the way.” He added one last comment before leaving, spinning back around with a hand on your now open door and the other pointing to the side of the box. “The butcher shop I purchased this from is owned by a friend of mine. Make sure to send your family and friends his way once you taste how delicious and high-quality it is.”
-
You walked into the nightclub, oddly at peace among the blaring music and bustling bodies, stepping into a world of light and dark and pushing boundaries.
The past couple hours had been spent in a chair, fussed over by a detailed makeup artist and equally talented hairdresser. It had been more enjoyable than you originally thought. Perhaps it had been Seokjin’s excellent choices or their own expertise. They even both asked for your input and offered their advice. It felt like a joint effort. Even the fashion stylist who came later was as informative as they were considerate. You had found out that they had taken your name and your photos to have your fortune read and performed color analysis, respectively. That explained why Seokjin had asked you to take those plain photos. This had made color and style selection much simpler, as you naturally liked all the choices. You were no stranger to tight outfits, although this type of nightlife was not the kind of place you frequented. The stylist had brought a rack of choices, and just in case, a black slip dress looks good on everyone, and all of them were compelling in one way or another. All nightclub appropriate. You asked what to try first. The stylist had asked you how you were feeling.
Feeling?
The answer came out before you could stop it.
“Like revenge.”
You had laughed it off, and so had the staff, but you had seen the gleam in their eyes as if they, too, relished in being part of this so-called revenge.
Well, they were.
You weren’t perfectly sure if this was actual revenge yet, no. You were certainly dressed for it. Black lace corset. Tight lilac short skirt. Black patent leather jacket cropped so severely that it was nearly a bolero. Delicate black pumps with a thin ankle strap. The kind that was a bit fiddly to get on, but was worth it in the end. There was a power in this type of outfit, the kind that made you hold your head high and walk alone with confidence. Perhaps similar to a superhero costume. Just as impractical, too, heh. But that was okay. You weren’t here to prevent any crimes.
Just commit them.
Maybe.
In any case, you weren’t even sure what was going to happen tonight. Something had been planned for you, so you walked in and looked around, wondering if you should ask for help. The luxury was obvious from every corner of the building. From the furniture choices to the expansive bar to the crisp, pressed uniforms of the employees, every detail oozed sophistication. You admired the tastefulness of it, surprised that it didn’t feel gaudy or overdone. Must be the refined touch of Kim Seokjin. Even the clientele was jaw-dropping. You spared a moment to look from face to face, wondering if you should be less obvious about it, but then some paused and gazed back, unafraid, offering a simple smile.
They didn’t know you didn’t really belong, yet.
The sheep’s clothing worked, then.
You almost laughed at your own unspoken joke, and then, either compelled by fate, chance, or some mixture of both, your eyes rose and you saw him. It was definitely him. It was only the back of his head and black leather, but you knew it was him even before he turned around.
Jeon Jungkook.
You had seen him many times after the fact. However, this time was the first time that you came with weapons at your disposal, subtle as they were. For a moment, you wondered what to do. You stared as those brooding dark eyes widened in surprise. His hair was slicked back. Leather jacket, white tank, dark jeans, probably black boots. You couldn’t see it all from this angle. Still, you knew him too well. He wasn’t a suit-and-tie breed unless he was forced by the occasion. And, anyway.
You had mildly hoped that he would dress down these days, as it both suited him and reflected your preferred personal taste.
Egotistical, yes, and, now that you could see, true.
You broke the gaze first, seeing a waiter approach you. Bowed lightly, walking with him as he explained what was in store tonight, and yet your mind was still fixated on that shocked gaze from the far table up above. It did register that you were going up the stairs too, but somehow you knew that you weren’t going near that table.
You wondered if he regretted everything.
You wondered if he saw you differently now, dressed up and on a mission.
You wondered if Jeon Jungkook understood, truly, how deeply he had hurt you with his misdemeanors and you wondered if you, truly, understood how you didn’t help by always sweeping said misdemeanors under the metaphorical rug. You wondered if there was a chance for reconciliation or if this was all a big mistake. Maybe this was only another instance of two ships silently passing in the night. A pair of parallel lines that would never intersect. Or… would this become a pattern that could only be completed by intersection?
Whichever one it was, it was going to be evident tonight.
You raised your head, seeing a champagne bottle and another of expensive liquor.
“Are you ready?”
Your eyes shifted and you smiled up at the waitress.
“Yes, I am.”
She smiled and bowed her way out. Revenge. You savored the word. You had never thought of it that way, but then again that was because you always believed in the higher road. In enduring. That was how strength was formed. Vindication was unladylike and uncouth. Or so the story goes. You became aware that you were being watched.
I don’t belong here.
You twisted your body and stared directly into Jeon Jungkook’s eyes.
He pivoted away immediately. Unable to hold your gaze. Ashamed, probably. You pondered quietly. He brought you into this. All this around you – beauty, opulence, and the shadows between gold. Even without him, your connection to these people remained because his friends believed in you for some reason. You agreed, because maybe there was still something here for you.
But that was no reason to believe that you belonged here nor to act like it.
You realized, suddenly, that some part of you still thought you had to keep up the front.
“Excuse me.”
You looked up to a man who had the expression of a pleased kitty cat. His eyes disappeared from his smile. Radiant, cream skin. Long, bleached-blond hair that was half-tied back from his face but still skimmed along his shoulders. He wore a suit and tie, perfectly tailored, and was noticeably shorter than nearly everyone here. Then again, almost everyone here was a model, in high heels, or both.
“Did I interrupt?” he asked lightly, his intonation hinting at a Busan dialect.
“Oh, no,” you answered with a shake of your head. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me to space out like that. Please, sit down.”
The man laughed behind his hand before pulling out the chair and sitting down. He had elegant fingers that reminded you of a pianist. “It was cute,” he commented, somewhat shyly, before turning away and clearing his throat. He faced you once again, composed now, and bowed in greeting, stating his name.
You hurriedly did the same.
“I hope I’m not thinking too highly of myself by sitting here with you.”
You shook your head. “No, no. I want this to be an open invitation.” You poured him a glass of liquor to start off the night. He had a noticeable presence. Not a towering one, rather, as someone who knew himself well. Still, you could sense an introverted soul. “Don’t feel too pressured. I only want to ask a question.”
His eyebrows raised, curious. “A question?”
You smiled. “Yes. And I want you to promise to answer honestly.”
His lips upturned thoughtfully. There was something playful about his expressions. Very cute. Perhaps unintentional. “A promise right away to a stranger?”
You allowed yourself a little mischief. “Do I look like I could hurt anyone?”
The man across the table caught the bait and toyed with it. An expert. “Maybe. But that doesn’t mean It wouldn’t be pleasant.” He smiled again, with that same kitty cat contentment, and nodded. “Okay, I’m ready to tell the truth. You only get one chance. Use it well.” His tone teased, but his voice was sincere.
The question.
You stared into a stranger’s eyes and asked.
“What is the most important lesson in your life you’ve learned so far?”
-
i hear... | ... the whispers... | ... in your eyes.
--
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ariesangelxo · 1 day
Text
mornings - part two
MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI
cw: more angst, still no comfort (i promise it’s coming in the next part), heartbreak, one mention of panic attacks, prescription benzo use, recreational coke use, drinking, arguing, mention of a gun and a gunshot at the end, not proofread lol
an: thank u all SO SO much for all of the love on part one !!! i am blown away and in awe. there also will be a part three for sure <3
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the past twenty-six days had not been kind to you. your mornings were spent rotting away in bed until your mom would force you to get up, her expression of concern always made you feel even worse. your days weren’t much better, you forced yourself to detach from your heart and numb your emotions. it was the only way you knew how to keep going. you put on a mask during the day with your parents, giving them occasional smiles and laughs that weren’t the kind that warmed their hearts. they knew you weren’t okay, but they also knew they couldn’t force you to talk about it or you’d shut down completely. your nights consisted of taking a benzodiazepine in order to fall asleep, you couldn’t sleep without them. you tried, it only led to intense panic attacks and hysterical sobs that made your mother’s heart break in front of you.
this morning had been a bit different. you were awakened when you felt a weight in your bed, and in the haze of waking up you initially thought it was rafe. you shot up the moment you remembered everything, eyes widening and heart racing, but you looked over to see sarah in your bed. "oh my god, sarah you scared the hell out of me!" you exclaimed, holding a hand over your chest.
she let out a giggle, "i'm sorry, your mom let me in. i miss you," her tone was gentle. you had become very close with sarah during your relationship with rafe. being over at the cameron's house so often led to a beautiful friendship forming between the two of you. she was like a sister to you, something you cherished deeply as you didn't grow up with a sister.
you felt a pang of guilt in your chest at her words. you knew she missed you, she'd messaged you every single day since your break up without fail, even if you didn't always text back. you had seen her a couple times, but when she asked about what happened, you told her you weren't ready to talk about it. sarah was incredibly understanding, knowing how much you loved her brother and not wanting to push you too far.
"i miss you too, sar. i'm sorry i've been such a shit friend lately." you responded to her. you gave her a small smile, curling up next to her as she sat against your headboard.
"it's okay, i know you're not doing great with everything going on right now," she trailed off with a sad smile, "but, you're going out with me tonight!" she became animated as she spoke.
you didn't have it in your heart to deny her, not when she looked at you like you were the most important person in her world. "you know i can't say no to you. where are we going?" you asked curiously.
"there's going to be a huge party at the boneyard, and you're coming with me. no ifs, ands, or buts." she giggled out, "i need to get you out of your room, you're rotting away in here, babe."
"god, you sound just like my mother," you teased back. "i'll go though, i miss you more than you know. i even miss the pogues a bit." you both laughed, referencing her newer relationship with john b.
you couldn't prevent your curiosity from getting the better of you, "how- how has he been?"
sarah bit her lip, debating internally how much to tell you. "he's been... not great. i don't see him much when i'm home, he's usually in his room with the door shut. he's been a lot more moody too, snapping at literally everyone in the house. it probably didn't help that i told him he's an idiot and he fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him."
you couldn't suppress the laugh that slipped through your lips or the slight satisfaction you felt knowing that you weren't the only one struggling. "i love you sar. thank you." you leaned over, giving her a hug.
"i love you too. now get your ass up and shower. we're getting you a new outfit for the party."
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you spent the next few hours strolling through the streets of figure eight with sarah. your arms held multiple shopping bags, filled with clothes she insisted you needed for tonight. you were incredibly grateful that she had forced you out of bed, you actually felt human for the first time since everything happened.
you found yourself in a small cafe, giggling as sarah told you a story from one of her drunken adventures with the pogues.
“you know… you should talk to jj tonight. i know he thinks you’re hot.” sarah gave you a mischievous smile as she wiggled her brows.
“funny,” you rolled your eyes playfully at her, “but it’s way too soon for me to get into anything with anybody right now.”
“i didn’t mean start dating him, i just think you would have fun together.”
“i just- i don’t know, sar. i’ve been such a wreck these past few weeks… can i tell you what happened?” you looked up from your fingers to meet her eyes, now widened with shock.
“yeah, of course you can. but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to.”
you were grateful for her support, going into your explanation of how the last couple months of your relationship, rafe’s behavior changed drastically. sarah hung on to your every word, needing to know exactly what led to the end of your relationship.
“and so i walked into the country club to surprise him. i spent the whole morning getting ready, did my makeup how he likes, even wore a new sundress that i know he would have loved. but i walked in and…” you looked up as your vision began to blur, “he was talking with some bitch i’ve never seen before bartending. she had short brunette hair, but he fucking smirked at her the way he only does- did for me. and- and then, she basically fucking held his hand while she fucked him with her eyes, and he let it happen!”
you spit the words out like they were poison on your tongue, not noticing your voice beginning to raise with frustration. sarah’s jaw was nearly on the floor.
“what the- what the fuck?” she racked her brain, trying to remember if she’d seen anyone matching your description recently, but nothing came to her.
“god, shit. i’m so sorry, babe. i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.” she attempted to console you as you dabbed your eyes with a napkin.
you shrugged your shoulders, “what’s done is done. i just want to forget about everything for a while.”
she nodded, “then let’s go get ready. we can pregame at yours and ride with john b and them.”
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after a few shots, a couple hours spent transforming yourself to not look like you spent the last three weeks trying to cope with your break up, and a lot of laughter, you and sarah were ready to go.
you wore a cropped loosely crocheted white sweater over your pink bikini and a white miniskirt that hugged your hips , the strings from your bottom peaking out from the top of it. you were finally feeling good about yourself again, and you’d be damned if you let anyone ruin it.
the ride to the boneyard only lifted your spirits more. it was impossible not to laugh around the pogues, especially when jj did whatever he could to hear your giggle.
you arrived just as the party was beginning to pick up. relief flooded your veins when you didn’t see rafe anywhere. you knew it was a possibility he’d be here, but it was going to be significantly easier to have a decent night without his presence lingering around.
you filled up a red solo cup at the keg, downing the cheap alcohol before refilling it.
“slow down there, or you might not make it too long.” jj approached you, giving you a flirty smile.
you gave him a laugh in response, “i’ll be fine, jay. i just want to be able to let loose tonight.”
“stick by me then, don’t want any of these pervs creeping on you.” the thinly veiled concern in his voice made you smile. you know he’s flirting, but it’s clear he wants to keep you safe knowing it’s your first night out in so long.
you spent the next hour surrounded by the pogues, and true to his word, jj looked out for you. he did so well that you failed to notice who had shown up to the party, the one and only rafe cameron.
rafe, on the other hand, saw you immediately upon arriving. it was impossible for him not to when your presence demanded his attention. he was not happy to see who you were hanging around with. his ongoing beef with the pogues was well known by everybody on the island. he didn’t come to party though, he had other business to attend to as barry gave him a side eye, “fuck are you doing, country club? you can fight for your girl later, we’ve got shit to do.”
your drink had somehow disappeared. your furrowed your brows as you looked down, giggling to yourself as you told your friends you were going to get another one. you were at the perfect level of drunk, not to the point of blacking out or vomiting, but to where you couldn’t quite walk in a straight line and everything was funny to you.
you stumbled up to the keg, starting to fill up your cup when you felt someone watching you. the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, you instantly knew who it was. it was as though there was a chip in you that alerted you to when he was nearby. you took a deep breath as you turned your head slightly, seeing rafe sat next to a man you didn’t know as he handed a small plastic bag filled with overpriced coke to a touron. rafe’s eyes didn’t leave you as he signaled him to leave.
you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, the hand holding onto your cup now trembling and the lump in your throat building. rafe stood, starting to approach you as you froze. your brain was screaming at you to run but your body refused to move an inch.
“what the fuck do you want, cameron?” your words were spat out with venom. your tone clearly surprised you both as he looked shocked momentarily. you were typically one to stand your ground, but never ever was your attitude aimed towards him.
“what do you mean ‘what the fuck do i want’? you fucking up and left out of nowhere and haven’t spoken to me in almost a month.” his voice was filled with anger, his nose flaring as he clenched his jaw.
you let out a humorless laugh, “out of nowhere? you can’t be serious, rafe. you treated me like shit the last few months of our relationship.” you didn’t yet mention seeing his interaction with the bartender at the country club, not knowing if topper and kelce had told him about seeing you when you left that fateful day.
“what? be-because i couldn’t be with you twenty-four fucking seven? like i- i wasn’t out working my ass off to afford nice shit for you?”
“‘working your ass off’ will you stop fucking lying to me? i fucking saw you at the country club,” his facial expression showed confusion, bringing his brows together to try and understand what you were talking about, “you let that bitch touch you, you looked at her how you used to look at me. i spent hours getting ready, i showed up, wanting to surprise my boyfriend for lunch, and what do i see? my boyfriend letting some bartender hang off of him while he flirts with her?”
your voice had raised as you got more and more angry. you were now shouting at him as other partygoers failed to hide their stares and murmuring. nobody ever talked to the kook prince the way you currently were, unless they wanted their face bashed in.
rafe grabbed your arm harshly, pulling you down the beach and away from others. you stumbled behind him, knowing you weren’t physically or mentally strong enough to push him away.
when you looked up at him, you suddenly noticed his blown-out pupils. you felt your heart sink. “you’re using again.” you stated flatly.
he scoffed, rolling his eyes at you. “don’t act like you fucking care.” he spat out at you.
“jesus fucking christ- rafe, when did you start again?”
“don’t worry about it. when did you come to the country club?” his tone was demanding, sparking further irritation in you.
“the day i left. i- i let a lot of shit slide for too long, because… because i wanted to be a good girlfriend and support you when i thought you were just stressed out from work. and, in return, i get to watch my boyfriend make me look like a fucking idiot.”
rafe was silent for a minute, his lips pursed as he clearly was trying to remember what he was doing before he came home to an angry ward and an empty room. then realization hit him, he knew exactly what you were talking about. he brought his palm up to his face, groaning.
when he was about to speak, he was cut off. “is cameron bothering you?” jj’s familiar voice called out. you looked past rafe’s large figure to see all of the pogues standing beside him, looking ready for a fight if it came to it.
rafe gave a humorless chuckle, “stay the fuck out of it, pogue.” he clearly wouldn’t go down without a fight either.
your heart stopped for a moment and your body filled with ice cold terror as jj pulled out a gun that was hidden behind his back in his waistband. it was clear you weren’t the only one not expecting it as the rest of them looked at jj with concern, john b telling him to put it away. “yeah? let’s fucking go, rafe. been itching for a fight for too long.”
everything became blurred. the mixture of shouting, seeing figures suddenly moving towards each other, and the unmistakeable sound of a gunshot, and then everything went black.
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webslingingslasher · 2 days
Note
im needing trouble and frat!peter spider-man suit moment it is in my bones i just neeeeeed it
*cleaning out my inbox.*
'don't you dare come over right now peter.'
'i am so pissed at you. if i see you i'm gonna throw something at you.'
'okay, i wouldn't do that. but i'd be soooo fucking mad.'
ten minutes later and still no response from peter, it doesn't even bother you, you just want him away from you at all costs. your peace was disturbed by an intruder coming in from your window, you almost hit yourself for forgetting to lock it.
you stare at him with crossed arms, 'i told you not to come over.' a gloved finger raises. 'you said 'don't you dare come over right now, peter.' it's been ten minutes and i'm not peter, so, suck it.'
you think your eye twitches, peter spider-man rushes to correct himself. 'not suck it! but, you know, suck it. like, ha! owned you!' you stay silent. 'okay, fine, i shouldn't be making a joke of this. i'm sorry and i really didn't mean to make you upset earlier.'
'you did.' because, the way you see it, he went out of his way to snap at you. 'i didn't. i might've been trying to get a little space, but i didn't mean to upset you.'
'so why didn't you say 'give me some space,'?'
'because i didn't want to hurt your feelings.'
your eyes narrow, 'so you yelled at me?' spider-man trashes his head, 'that's not-' he lightly tugs at his mask, 'can i take this off?' you scoff at him. 'absolutely not, i told you i didn't want peter to come over.'
'you're going to make me work for this, aren't you?'
you couldn't fight the smirk, you lean into it. 'maybe.' fine with peter, he just needed to know your game. he drops to his knees and clasps his hands together.
'please. i am so, so, so sorry and i love you so, so, so much and i should never, ever, ever talk to you in that tone of voice. you are the light of my life and i should never dull your sparkle.' you snort, he's laying it on thick and you're eating it up.
'the light of your life? who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?'
'i killed him for yelling at you.' it's clear he doesn't see it like that, but you do and peter isn't about to tack semantics onto the argument.
'rude of you to do that before i could, but okay.'
spider-man's a little more authentic this time. 'seriously, trouble. i saw how sad you looked and i feel awful, i didn't mean to sound that angry when i asked you if you had something else to do. i love you a lot and i hate when i make it sound like i don't.'
you might be amplifying it a little. you weren't as mad as you were hurt, you were bored and looking at him for entertainment while he was working on something and you were snipped at. 'you can take your mask off.'
peter resumes his beggar pose. 'i might be exaggerating when i say yelled. but, you hurt my feelings so, suck it.' peter lights up, 'can i get up now?'
when's the next time you'll have him on his knees like this again? 'beg for my forgiveness one more time.' peter pleades like his life depends on it. 'please, please, please, please. i'm so sorry, i'll never do it again. please forgive me.'
you give a blank look before breaking into a smile. 'you can get up.' a quick scramble, peter tugs at the arm of his suit when you stop him with a series of 'uh, uh, uh,''s
'i'm still a little frustrated at peter... do you think spider-man could help me out?' you squeal when a web tugs you into his chest, a wet kiss to your neck has you break out a hum.
'tell me, when has spider-man ever refused a damsel in distress?'
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hadesisqueer · 2 days
Text
Okay, so I finished JWCT and-- it was a great season.
Ben was awesome this season. All the mentions to how much he'd grown were funny, and the Big Ben joke was as well. I really liked him and his moments with Darius and Yaz, most of all with Yaz; I always enjoyed their friendship, and I loved how they talked about their feelings again. Also-- he has a girlfriend? A girlfriend?
Kenji's moments confronting his father and not letting himself be manipulated again were among my favorites this season. His conflict with Darius and their brotherly moments were cool to watch. Darius' whole arc, his grief and guilt over Brooklynn's supposed death was among my favorite arcs this season.
Yaz and Sammy were awesome in general, both individually and as a couple. Yaz is my favorite character, and I loved her arc. As someone with PTSD myself, I am very pleased with how the show didn't shy away from it and fully saying "PTSD". Personally, I am pretty happy that Yaz's PTSD was handled so realistically and with such care. Sammy was a badass this season, and her feelings and anxiety while dealing with Yaz apparently pulling away, her grief over Brooklynn's supposed death and the fact that her parents for some reason don't talk to her were handled realistically. I specifically wanna know what happened between her and her parents, because she adored her family and her family adored her as well back in CC; I really wonder what the conflict is that they're not talking anymore. Yasammy as a couple is awesome as well, as I said: their conflict is handled very well and you can understand both sides. The resolution was great and their moments in general were awesome. They're still easily the best couple of this show (not that it had a lot of competition), and probably one of the best in animated media in general. I love them.
Brooklynn being alive at the end? I think everyone called it, lmao. My girl is far too cool to just die, sorry, she can't die. I can't wait to see the others find out and their reunion.
Now, my thoughts about the other ships this season-- Brookenji and Dinostar lmao? I cheered when I found out Brookenji broke up; I was never a fan of the couple, sorry, it was TOO forced. Now, the whole Dinostar thing-- I was a bit suspicious of the way Darius was acting about Brooklynn and all, but I didn't think they were actually gonna have him admit he was in love with her, so that took me by surprise. I know they said it was unrequited, but yeah I don't buy that. I'm predicting it: it will turn out that it's not unrequited, that Brooklynn actually has feelings for him and they're going to pull a love triangle between her, Darius and Kenji. Pfff, it's like I'm seeing it. I'm really not a fan of love triangles tbh. But if it happens (and it's probably gonna happen, I can see it coming), I hope it ends up with Dinostar endgame instead of Brookenji. Like I already said, I really don't like Brookenji. And I've always been more neutral with Dinostar (and Benrius; I like, them too but don't pay them that much mind). I liked Dinostar platonically a lot, and while I didn't care much of it, I also never minded the idea of them becoming a couple. In fact, Brookenji took me by surprise while watching the show because to me if they were gonna pair Brooklynn with someone, I always thought it'd be Darius rather than Kenji, because I thought they made more sense. So, yeah, if it's Brookenji or Dinostar, Dinostar all the way for me lmao. Still not looking forward to the love triangle if it happens lol.
Also, Bumpy being a mom. Fave moment of the season.
Anyway, I need a second season. Like, right now.
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hiddenlife-manager · 9 hours
Note
you should totally write a one shot about ollie bearman x reader celebrating the jeddah gp (smut)
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Oliver Bearman x Fem Reader
cw... blowjob, jerking him off, whimpering ollie, slight sub ollie, slight dom reader, best friends, plot, etc...
notepad... WELL I finally finished this there are a lot of errors but oh well. I have been stuck on this for a while so thank god it is done. Amen to me hehe.
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You two were sitting on the floor of his room; it was an abnormally big room. He was used to small hotel rooms, yet here you two were eating at a coffee table on the floor since you refused to sit on a chair. His hands rested on his neck as he felt nothing but pure soreness from the race. He acted like it didn’t bother him during his post-interviews; it was clear he was worn down from the race.
“If you are sore, you should lay down on the bed.” You were calmly speaking to him, eating Dajaj Mashwi with manakeesh, as it was what he ordered. It seemed to be his favorite meal here; you were unsure if you were supposed to eat it with manakeesh. "Besides, having to face an average of 4.5 g per turn is difficult on the neck. Saudi Arabia is considered a hard circuit to race in Formula 1. You should rest.”
“I should eat… ugh.” His deep voice stated that he was trying to eat, but it was clear that he struggled to move his body. He was extremely sore; you saw this and crawled to him on all fours. The sight of you crawling toward him made his face suddenly go red. You were breathtaking to him, but he knew it was wrong to think so.
"Here, let me help.” You offered, you brought food to his mouth, and he was left in shock that you were trying to feed him. He took a deep breath and looked at you. “I'm your best friend; this is the least I can do. Consider it a gesture of congratulations.” He couldn’t help but hold a rosiness to his cheek, as you wanted to feed him. He opened his mouth and looked at you. He noticed your breast slightly peeking out of your top, and he gulped with food in his mouth. He suddenly choked and coughed, and you were shocked. “How do you choke so easily?” You handed him a bottle of water while he coughed.
“I d-don’t” He stuttered out and sipped the water. He looked at you and went back to the food. Why was he holding such feelings for you right now? You two should be celebrating his debut, and yet here he was nervous, unable to look you in the eye. “My neck is just sore.”
“Hmm, okay. Are you sure it is just your neck that has you all worked up?” He tried to crawl away from you casually so you wouldn’t notice his awkwardness. As he used his hands to scoot away from you, he realized how much it hurt. 
“Did you hear a knock at the door?” He attempted to distract you from seeing his boner in his pants. You turned your head, and as you did, his hands flew, grabbing onto a pillow and placing it on his lap. You shook your head, sure that you didn’t hear a knock. “I guess my head is playing games with me.” He laughed awkwardly, his hands at the collar of his shirt, pulling it a bit as the pillow continued to sit on his lap. 
"Oh, really, are you okay? Let me check your temperature.” You got closer and leaned toward him with your hand, and his face got redder. “You are red as a tomato.” You state that right as you were about to land your hand on his forehead, he shifted. You fell on top of him. The moment you did, you felt something poking at your ass. 
“Mhm…” You froze, and that was the moment your face got super hot. 
“I am so sorry.” You said you tried to crawl off his lap and managed to pull another moan out of him. You were hot; the sound was so sudden, and you were unaware that you had that effect on him. 
“No, it's my fault.” He tried to hide his red face, and you were hot to the touch. Staring at your best friend, you realized he had some sort of attraction to you. He shifted uncomfortably, and you wanted to help, maybe out of your own disgusting fantasy or maybe to show him it wasn’t wrong.
“I can help.” He suddenly fell back as he was scooting away. He started to stutter. You crawled to him and placed your hands on his jeans. You always told him to wear better pants. “Is it okay if I can?” He was silent for a bit while you froze, waiting for his response, and in a few seconds, he nodded sheepishly, unable to look you in the eye. 
You unzipped his pants, your hands working quick wonders; it was no secret you knew what to do. At the same time, you two were grown adults with significant others. You gulped as you moved his cock to the side of his boxers through the hole. He was hard, and it was very evident. Ollie was trying so hard to hold back small whimpers of pleasure as your cold hands touched his bare cock. 
“Can I?” He nodded quickly, and you began to go up and down his cock, using his pre-cum to slightly get his cock a bit moist. After you went up and down from the base, you gently spit on his cock and smiled up at him. Your mouth got close, and you licked the tip as you heard him moan and slightly shifted away from the pleasure. He was embarrassed but wanted you to continue. 
“You can put it in your mouth.” He whimpered out, and all you did was smile so much as you opened your mouth and let him inside your mouth only a little at a time as you went up and down, inching his cock slowly down your throat. The view left Ollie winded; he thought you were the most beautiful person to ever exist, and you were his best friend. 
Slowly but surely, you began to suck at his cock, your tongue swirling around it as you saw and heard him whimpering. Attempting not to put his hands on you. He was unsure what to do with his hands, as he almost had to put them anywhere but you. Sucking him while bobbing your head up and down, you used your free hand and grabbed it, holding it as you continued to pleasure him. He was clearly nervous, and you knew he needed comfort. The feeling in your mouth was becoming too much. 
He began to thrust up into your mouth; doing so, he ended up thrusting into the back of your throat, causing you to gag, and he began to get nervous, but you shook your head and continued to swirl your tongue and go up and down. As you removed yourself from his cock, a pop could be heard, and you let go of his hand, staring up at him. Your hands wrapped around the base of his cock and pumped him. 
“You can cum on my face, Ollie; I don't mind.” You said it softly, with a smile brighter than the sun staring right at him. He was weak and could barely utter a word, but he wanted so badly to cough. His cock thrust into your hands as they felt so perfect. All he did was hum with a whimpering undertone. You continued to go up and down with your hands, quickening the pace as you opened your mouth and stuck your tongue out. 
“Ah, close, too close." He moaned out, and right when he let the last moan out, a long whimper could be heard, and white strings up and down hit your face and tongue. You didn’t stop pumping his cock; his body tensed while he was cumming. You were smiling and licking at the tip of his cock. 
“Congratulations in Saudi Arabia; a gift to you from me, Ollie.”
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godjustkys · 21 hours
Text
| mndi 18+
| What a perv.
please give requests.
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Pairing: Top!dom!AMAB!reader x bottom!sub!Dean Winchester.
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Genre: smut.
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Word count: 2,357
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Warning(s): slight feminisation, use of pet names, reader being a cocky asshole (just a lil bit), unprotected sex, reader has clothes on/character does not, bratty Dean >:)
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Request: "can i req perv dean winchester x top male reader? possibly where dean’s jerking off to something that correlates to the reader (like a picture/boxers/whatever works really), but ends up getting caught? he’d usually use his glib tongue to get away, but poor princess is so embarrassed he’s caught jerking off to a guy."
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A/n: i think about dean a lot, putting my headcanons to use here. i need him so badly,,
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You had just gotten back from a grocery trip, putting the bags on the kitchen table. “Fuckin' hell, it's quiet.” You murmured to yourself, your hands on your hips.
Sam was out. Somewhere. Said he had business to attend to. He took Cas with him, so the only one that should be home right now was Dean. At first you thought you'd come home to Dean sitting in the kitchen and drinking, or simply watching the TV.
Neither of those were the case. You slowly walked to Dean's room, thinking to yourself. Just as you reached the door to his bedroom, you opened it immediately, figuring it'd be pointless to knock at this point.
“Dean, will y- woah—” you were in the doorway, standing still, your hand on the door handle.
Dean scrambled to sit up, getting a blanket to cover himself up. “What the hell! Knock, you moron!” He yelled at you, his facial expression clearly offended. Dean swallowed hard, eyebrows furrowed.
“Jesus Christ, okay, sorry-” you thought it was funny, how you caught him jerking off. You had a grin on your face, taking in the surroundings for a little while as you took a small step back, planning to close the door and leave Dean alone. Your smile dropped in a matter of seconds when you noticed your shirt — your dirty, bloody shirt that was supposed to be in the laundry,, in the grasp of Dean's hand.
“S'that..” you inquired slowly, squinting your eyes. “Is that my shirt?” You tilted your head to the side, your shoulders slumping. Why would Dean have your shirt in the first place?
“wh—” he looked down at his hand, practically baffled. Once Dean realized you had seen the piece of clothing, his grip tightened. “What? N— no, no that's mine.” He tried hiding it behind his back slowly.
“Dean, that's my shirt.” You pointed out, your facial expression going blank. “Were you-” you paused mid sentence, trying to take in the new information. “Were you jerking off to me?” Your tone had gotten a tad bit more serious.
“Huh?” He turned his head to look at you, wondering if he heard your question right. “No! No way! What in the world are you talking about?” His tone was defensive as he sat up more straight.
“Wait, scratch that. You were jerking off to a guy?” The look on your face was priceless, absolutely stunned. You knew you caught him, he was in a pinch. He wouldn't get out of this easily. “Since when are you so accepting of your attraction to men?”
“Hold on, does that mean you find me attractive? Am I attractive to you, Dean?” You fixed up your shirt, trying your best to look presentable. “Am I hot enough to get you off? Hm?” That same grin crept back on your face. Being friends with Dean was one thing, annoying and teasing the absolute shit out of him was another. You loved every minute of it.
Dean's gaze shifted to the floor, the feeling of heat cursing through him. Was he getting embarrassed? No, he had to come up with something to derail this conversation.
“You're being fucking ridiculous, [Name], get the hell out.” Dean made eye contact with you, trying to keep his poker face up.
“Awh, is my poor princess embarrassed to be caught jerking off to a guy?” You cooed, walking into the room and closing the door behind you. “You know damn well that it is my shirt.” You spoke, making your way towards Dean. Before the other could respond, you reached around and snatched the shirt.
You held it up, taking a proper look. “Yep,” You nodded with an affirming tone. “It is, in fact, my shirt.” Dean looked away from you, eyebrows furrowed as he huffed, clearly annoyed or even embarrassed. “Fuck off, out of my room, now.” He commanded, his voice ever-so slightly shaky.
“Ay, what the hell? I caught you jerking off to me, and now you're trynna kick me out?” You tilted your head to the side, throwing the shirt onto the ground. “Come on, I gotta know if you're in love with me or not,” you pushed further, your tone firm.
Dean scoffed as he laid back down with a small thud, the blanket still covering his lower half. He brought his arm up to his face, covering his eyes. “No. M'not. Get out,” Even though Dean denied it, his tone didn't seem that confident or convincing.
“You want me to get out and leave my shirt so you can continue jerking off to me? Orrr,, perhaps, there's a chance you want me to stay and get the real deal?” You didn't give it up, how could you? Dean Winchester, an absolute ladies man, trying to get off to his friend, a guy.
“What are you talking about??” He asked in an almost offended tone, taking his arm off of his face to look at you.
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Deep breaths and groans filled the silent room, your hands gripping his firm thighs as you slowly pushed your cock in. Both of Dean's legs were over your shoulders. “Shit.. t'feels weird,” He breathed out, his left hand resting atop of yours, right hand freely on the bed itself.
“Yeah, well, now you know how a woman feels when you fuck her ass.” You said in a taunting tone, not taking your eyes away from your lower half. The sight of your cock slowly disappearing in his entrance - god.
Dean muttered something out that was followed by a grunt, his hand gripping the sheets underneath the two of you a little. “Jesus Chr— ist..” His voice faltered mid-word, eyelids fluttering shut. “Relax, Dean, relax. You're doin' good,” You encouraged him in a gentle manner, rubbing circles on his thighs with your thumbs to soothe him - calm him down.
“I am- relaxed.” He grumbled out, letting out a small wince. “Wouldn't say it feels like that,” You leaned down a bit, pushing on Dean's legs. Soon enough, you fully bottomed out. “Need a moment?” You asked, eyes flickering all over Dean's torso. “You take me for a wimp?” He said breathily, opening his eyes to make eye contact with you.
Once you looked into Dean's eyes, you got so lost. He looked breathtaking like this, the look in his eyes - full of lust, neediness and want, the glossiness of them. His slightly furrowed eyebrows, clenched jaw, his hand on yours,, the hand gripping the sheets.. so perfect. All of him was perfect. “Fuckin' hell..” You muttered out, moving your left hand to Dean's cock, very slowly jerking him off.
“Mff-..mm.” Soft noises escaped his mouth, followed by a sigh of content. Your touch stimulated him to no end. “You never got to cum, right? I interrupted you,” You spoke in a delighted tone, a smirk plastered on your face. “Why don't we finish off what you started, huh?” Your hand's pace had quickened with your sentence as Dean tilted his head back, his blinking getting more frequent and excessive.
“Fuckkkk..” He said, his voice quiet and low. His breath hitched in his throat for a short moment as you started slowly thrusting in and out. Agonizingly slowly. “Did you grab my shirt from the laundry?” You questioned suddenly, looking down at him with half-lidded eyes. “Cause it was dirty, you know, I'm curious.” You added, a grin flashing across your face.
“Mmh— nhgggh!—” Dean breathed out simple whines and whimpers. You were not sure if he even heard you, your thrusting getting more rhythmic and deeper. It was all new to the other - he'd usually do the fucking. “Hey Dean-oooo, I asked you a question baby,” You cooed, thumb rubbing over the slit of his dick, putting pressure on it. “Son of a bitch— shit!” He pressed his head back into the pillow, hand gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. Dean had a hard time not squeezing your hand as well.
You moved your hand, intertwining your fingers together as you pushed his arm, making his forearm rest beside his head, pressing his hand into the mattress a bit as you propped yourself up. “Breathe Dean, jeez,” You said with a small breathless scoff, your other hand pumping his cock continuously. “Sh— shut up,, I hate y..you, hhgg!-” Dean managed to speak, his sentence truly holding no malice or hostility behind his tone of voice, moving his head to the side and letting out a hiss at the feeling of your cock inside him. “Do you?” The grin never left your face. “Not only did I catch you jerking off to me, or my clothes rather, but you're letting me fuck you as well. That speaks volumes to me baby,” You shifted on your knees, finding a completely new angle. You pushed in, reaching deep. With that, Dean choked out a gasp, his eyes shooting open as he arched his back off of the bed slightly.
Almost immediately Dean let go of the sheets, bringing his hand to his mouth, covering it. He let out a couple muffled moans, really starting to sweat. Your thrusting pace quickened. It was harsh and deep. “You feelin' shy? We're alone, no one's gonna hear you, Dean.” You mumbled, looking down at your hand jerking him off. His cock twitched, leaking precum. You let out a groan at the feeling of Dean clenching around you.
At this point Dean was seeing stars behind his eyes, the feeling was entirely new to him yet it felt so good. Too good, maybe. He whimpered against his hand, his thighs tensing as they shuddered. You clicked your tongue in annoyance, not exactly directed towards him. You removed your hand from his cock and grasped his wrist, removing his own hand from his mouth so he wouldn't muffle his moans anymore. You pinned it next to his head on the mattress, almost the same as his other hand.
Of course Dean tried resisting being pinned, but you did all of that while fucking him mercilessly and relentlessly. “oh- ah! fucckk—” He bit down on his bottom lip to try and suppress his moaning. You suddenly hit his prostate with a harsh thrust, earning a loud whine from Dean, his one hand clenching into a fist, the other squeezing yours. “Nnh! Shit! Yes yes yes, just like that-” he rambled out, his chest rising and falling with each breath that he took, his lips parted.
His legs started trembling over your shoulders, toes curling. You let a soft groan leave your lips, leaning your body down again, Dean's knees inches away from his chest. He seemed more flexible than you thought. “Yeah? Feels good, doesn't it?” You said in a confident tone, letting out a soft sigh of content, your thrusts ever so slightly losing rhythm.
“Ghhh— pleaseee, pleasepleaseplease,” He whined, his muscles tensed visibly as his body spasmed, shaking his head. You abused his prostate, most likely bruised it as well. Dean squirmed underneath you, his arms aching - couldn't put his hands where he wanted with you pinning him to the bed. His cock throbbed as it was lightly pressed between the both of your abdomens. “w- I'm close! shit! i'm so close!-”
“Go on, cum for me, you've been so good,” You praised him in a softer voice, trying to keep up the same fast pace just to push Dean over the edge. His eyes shut tight, pushing his arms up in an attempt to free himself. As you noticed this, you let go of both of his hands and he almost instinctively wrapped them around your neck, pulling you in as close as possible. Without any further warning, Dean came, making a mess on his own stomach. He choked out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, panting afterwards, eyebrows only stitching together further.
“There we go, good boy,” You murmured, gasping softly as Dean's walls tightened around you. He was starting to get a bit overstimulated with the way you continued pounding into him after he came. One hand of Dean's gripped your shirt, the other holding onto the back of your neck. You felt your own climax nearing.
“Mmhhh,” You hummed out, placing open-mouthed kisses on Dean's neck as a way to distract yourself a little. You ended up only chasing your own orgasm, your cock twitching inside Dean's hole. He shuddered, fingers tangling in your hair, slightly pulling on the locks. “There- there, right there-” Dean moaned out, his voice hoarse and raspy, trying to ride down his own orgasm.
Your hips stuttered, slowly breaking the pace. You were close, almost ready to pull out. Dean felt slight emptiness near his prostate due to you not pushing back in and he whined. “N— no, no, inside, come inside.” Dean rasped out, holding you close to him. You raised an eyebrow at this, nonetheless complying with the other's request. “Fuck Dean, you're kinky,” you joked, pushing your cock all the way in.
His legs continued to shake, burying his head in the crook of your neck. “g-god,” Dean managed to speak through the string of moans and whimpers he let out. With one harsh final thrust and a groan, you came inside Dean, the warm liquid pooling inside him. He let out a shaky sigh, his grip on you loosening. You dropped your head down and leaned your forehead on Dean's shoulder, relaxing. “This fulfilled your expectations of me?” you asked, clearly out of breath. “Or do you wanna go again?” You whispered, your hands moving to remove Dean's legs from your shoulders, lowering them and making them wrap around your waist.
Dean paused as you lifted your head back up again, looking down at him. He made eye contact with you, his eyes ever so slightly teary. “You think you got enough stamina for another round?” He mocked you, his panting very audible, voice quieter than usual. “You're a little shit,” You chuckled, shifting your position to a sitting one. “You're getting what you asked for,” with a tight grip on his hips, you started moving again.
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not really an expert in love
⋆˙⟡♡ (summary): honestly don't remember what this was about
⋆˙⟡♡ (warnings): Uhh kissing i think
⋆˙⟡♡ (notes): a fic i wrote on my old acc @/amorvincitomnia-14. That account got deleted and i thought i lost these fics but yipeee i found them on google docs :D
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You are an idiot. Completely and entirely so. It's been about two weeks since the kiss and you have been avoiding Leo since. For a child of Aphrodite, you really are dense. 
It's not like you can avoid him fully; being on Argo II means there's not many places to hide. And plus you're supposed to be best friends with Leo, nobody else knows why you are suddenly running away whenever he appears. It's a shitty thing to do, you know that. But what else can you do? Are you ready for love? Was that kiss a mistake? 
So of course Annabeth tells you Leo needs help in the engine room, in a sort of way you can't say no. So here you are, standing awkwardly while you hand Leo various tools. You feel sick to your stomach, absolutely filled with nerves. How can you possibly begin to explain why you ran out on Leo?
After moments of silence, Leo speaks, “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the kiss. I must have misread some signals or something” 
And your heart practically shatters. Of course he blames himself. How can you be so stupid as to hurt him? But your mouth is dry and there are no words coming out. You weren't uncomfortable with the kiss, just say that! 
“No, it's fine.” You manage to say, internally slapping yourself. A child of Aphrodite and major flirt. Yet here you are, awkward as can be. Why can't you explain your feelings? Leo deserves better. 
“Seriously though, can we talk? I don't want you to be upset with me.” Leo said, leaning back to look at you. He was dirty with oil staining his clothes, his eyes void of his usual impish gleam. You wanted to throw up. 
“What's there to talk about?” You replied, far harsher than you meant to. Leo winces, and looks away. 
“You've been avoiding me. I figure it's because of the kiss. But I don't want to lose our friendship because I misread something.” Leo replied, the sincerity in his tone making you want to cry. Why are you such an idiot?
And then you had to keep going, talking straight out of your ass. “I mean it was a mistake anyway. We can just forget it ever happened.” 
Leo looked shocked and then hurt. Like a dog tucking their tail in with defeat. You wanted to apologize and say anything to make him feel better again. But words fail. 
“Oh, if that's what you want.” Leo replied, any excitement in his eyes dying right before you. You froze, half wanting to run away and half needing to apologize. You unfortunately do the former. 
A couple days later and the rest of Argo II has had enough. Piper had taken it into her own hands. 
“Hey, can you get something in the storage room please?” Piper asked you, prompting you to agree pretty quickly. You can be nice, especially when it comes to your sister. 
You quickly realize your mistake when two things happen:
Leo is also in the storage room looking as confused as you
The door is now locked
Piper locked the door. Of course she did. You tried your best to stay calm and not act a total fool. Maybe you'll finally have your chance to apologize to Leo. Even if he looks very uncomfortable to you.
You were trying to say “I'm fucking sorry” or “Are you okay?” But unfortunately it came out as, “Are you fucking sorry?” 
You winced the same time as Leo before you quickly attempt to remedy it, “Sorry, I mean to say I'm so fucking sorry. Gods, I am so sorry.” 
You groan loudly, covering your blushing face with your hands. You wish the Earth could open up and simply swallow you whole. It would be a hell of a lot easier than dealing with the aftermath of the walking disaster that is you. 
The weirdest part is the fact you normally are extremely flirtatious. But that's when it comes to Leo Valdez, you are a complete, flustering, bumbling fool. 
You need to say this. You need to get it out and explain the utter way he consumes your heart. But right you can barely stand to look him in the eye without exploding with embarrassment.
“Alright, don't interrupt me.” You begin to say, eyes squeezed shut and voice shaky with nerves, “or say a word until I'm done. Because otherwise I'll just die of embarrassment. And I need to tell you this.”
When you don't hear anything you start speaking, parting your lips as the words flow. You describe the way his smile makes your heart flutter,the way his stupid, stupid jokes that always leave you breathless and grinning, the way his eyes light up when he talks about his newest inventions. You explain it all, you tell him the way your heart aches so heavily when avoiding him. How you've been an utter fool for so long, how you thanked the gods when he kissed you. 
You apologize for running away, like a coward. You explain that you were scared and embarrassed and too much of a wimp to confront him. You feel ridiculous for rambling this long but you keep going; you can't stop. Not until-
He says your name, in a way you've never heard before. It was low and softened around the edges, intimate and solely for you.
You hesitantly look up at him, your heart stalling when you see the look in his eyes. He looked at you like you are his entire universe, his entire reason for existing. That was enough to make anyone swoon, especially a child of Aphrodite like yourself. You don't even realize you had been crying until Leo's hand brushes against your cheek to wipe them away. 
“Can I kiss you?” He asks softly, his face inches away from your own. You nod slightly, lips parted instinctively. Your hands find their way to clutching the front of his camp shirt, his hands locked into your hair.
Finally Leo leans in, his lips pressing against your own. It's like everything you've dreamed and not at the same time. His lips are chapped and rough, but they tasted sweet. Your heart flutters in your body, rising and rising like a butterfly ready to fly. Your mouth opens, his warm tongue slipping through as he explores your mouth. It was like your first kiss but so much better, it was so perfect.
Leo pulls away, cheeks flushed and breath heavy. But he has an idiotic grin on his lips that likely matches yours.
“Are you still mad at me for ignoring you like an idiot?” You ask, unable to fight the smile on your face and the affection in your eyes. 
Leo pretends to take a moment to consider, his hands slipping to your hips as he pulls you closer. He gives you a smug smirk and whispers in your ear, “I'm still mad but if you give me more of those kisses, I might change my mind.” 
He didn't have to say it twice.
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elliesspacewalker · 2 days
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would you write something more on the cuter fluffy side? like baby ellie and reader being friends, maybe reader being supportive of ellie trying to help her somewhat? just them being cuties.
Yess!!
Warnings: pure fluff, mentions of suicide, transgender!Ellie and mentions of gender dysphoria
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I feel like Ellie would be super emotional about coming out as trans, I think she would think people would think of her differently. Obviously this isn't true, you, Dina, Jesse, cat, and everyone around her loves her so much!
I definitely think she'd cry a lot about it too, you'd definitely catch her crying for "no reason"
"Ellie hey? Why are you crying?" You'd comfort her and hold her as she sobs into your shoulder, moving a comforting hand to rub her shoulder as she sniffles "I don't know" she attempted to calm herself down "Ellie- breathe, please" you put your hand on your chest and breathed in and out, and she starts copying what you're doing "good job, it's okay" she calms down and brushes it off, obviously you weren't happy about it but she did calm down, she was OKAY and that was the point-
I also think she'd spend hours looking up gender dysphoria and thinking there was something wrong with her- that she wasn't normal and there was something severely wrong with her. After months of thinking she calls you over to talk to her, obviously you prepared for the worst because she never usually asked for you to come over and just talk to her because she wanted to kill herself- you could tell by her voice that shes been crying a lot.
It takes you not even 10 minutes to get to hers to see her tear stained cheeks.
"Els? What's wrong baby" you asked her, and she pulls you in for a hug "I think there's something wrong with me" her voice cracks as she holds you tight.
"talk to me Els, what happened?" Your voice is soft, so she knows you're not mad or angry, you're just concerned for her.
"i-i think I'm trans" she mumbles out, now standing in front of you. "Is this all you had to tell me?" You cup her face and wipe away her tears, you almost start crying after seeing her in so much pain "it's okay, I promise" you comfort her
"I thought you'd hate me or something" she sniffles.
"now, why the fuck would you think that?" You chuckle, "I love you for you Ellie and if you want to be a girl then that's who you are babe. no one can tell you different"
After that she came out to everybody except Joel, she's always gone to him for her problems but this felt personal and maybe he would reject her even though she knows he never would.
Until one night Joel misgendered her and she became really insecure about herself.. she barely touched her food and barely talked until Joel asked her what was up and she mumbled 'im trans' and Joel just looked at her, obviously shocked by this but he wasn't mad- Ellie saw this and thought he was mad and immediately broke down crying and Joel comforted her to tell her it was okay, and that he wasn't mad.
"I'm just mad you didn't tell me, I would've called you she if that's what you really wanted... You could've just told me Ellie" he says to her and she wipes away her tears "I'm sorry" she mumbled out "it's okay, I promise" he hugged her tightly..
-
After that, everybody started calling her a she instead of misgendering her and she definitely gained a lot more self confidence from this.
-
A/n: pretty short but I am thinking of making a series about this.... And about my own experiences
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More Than Friends// Choi Seungcheol
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Bestfriend!Choi Seungcheolxafab!Black!Reader
Word Count: 3.4k
Summary: You've been best friends for years. You can't imagine life without him. You don't know when the lines blurred, but you start to wonder are you the only one who feels this way?
Genre: Fluff, Smut
Warning: Spit play, Praising, Fingering, Oral Use of nicknames (good girl, princess, baby girl)
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 🔞
A/N: Helloooo! Enjoy, like, and repost whatever you feel is right!- Cherry 🍒
I've been friends with Seungcheol for a while. He's been there for me when I needed him the most after the conversation at his apartment. The guy just finished practicing and wanted to eat and have drinks. Cheol called me and asked if I wanted to join them. I said yes of course. We were all sitting there listening to the stories of how Hoshi is intimidating while practicing for this comeback. I got up to get some food until Cheol stopped me and made me sit back down and made me a plate of food. 
"You guys operate like a couple," Jeonghan said sipping his beer. Everyone hummed agreeance. Seungkwan looked at me. 
"Your friendship dynamic changed. All we are saying is something changed." 
"What if you guys are soul mates!" Soonyoung said. I laughed 
"What is it with you and the soulmates theory Soonyoung?" 
"I mean everyone has one, platonic or romantic. What if you and Seungcheol Hyung are romantic soulmates" 
"Ignore him he's drunk," Mingyu said
"Am not!" Soonyoung said pouting then turning to Wonwoo to kiss him. Wonwoo just patted him on the head. 
No one said anything else, I knew they were right. I just don't know what happened to make the lines blurred. Was it before or after I found out my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me? That was six months ago: 
Me and my boyfriend were supposed to meet up for a date until he canceled on me. He said he had a bad day at work so I decided to go to his house and cook him some food. That was until I got to his apartment only to find him in bed with a co-worker. Heartbroken and unable to see through the tears. I called Cheol who immediately came to get me. Of course, my ex-boyfriend follows me out of the building at the exact time Cheol is pulling up and getting out of the car. 
"Oh of course you call him! You can't get mad at me for cheating when something is going on between you too!" He shouted out. Cheol helped me get into the car and then turned around to face the pathetic excuse of a man. I don't know exactly what was said, but seeing Cheol angry was not something you see all the time, but when he is. It's scary. After watching my ex-boyfriend's face change Cheol walked away and got into the car without saying a word and drove off. Playing with my bracelet trying to calm down, Cheol grabbed my hand and glanced over. 
"Are you okay, Princess?" He said softly. I shrugged. He pulled into an empty parking lot when tears began running down my face unbuckling his seat beat then leaned his seat back
"Cheol what are you doing?" I questioned he just ignored me, picking me up and over the center console and onto his lap allowing me to cry in his shirt, which was white. 
"Your shirt has makeup all on it," I said, sniffing. 
"I don't care, you need someone to cry on, and I'm here. If you care so much I'll take it off" He said I hit his shoulder making him laugh. One of his hands was placed on my back and the other was running through my hair. When I was done crying I got back into the passenger side, laughing at the stain on his shirt. 
"I'm sorry, about your shirts Cheollie" He looked down seeing the light stain on his shirt. He just laughed along with me. 
"Let's get some food and you can stay at mine tonight," He said I nodded. 
"Sounds good" 
Was that when everything changed? Or was it always like that and I just just just noticed now? Cheol's always been affectionate. His love language is gift-giving and physical touch. He does it with everyone. Was it when your boyfriend forgot your birthday and didn't show up to your dinner but Cheol made sure that you knew he remembered? Especially when he pulled out the matching necklaces. 
"Happy Birthday Y/n" The open box in front of me showed a pinky ring. It was white gold and wrapped in white and pink diamonds. 
"S-seungcheol..." I whispered he just smiled at me gently taking the ring out of the box and sitting next to me tilting the ring a little so I could see the engraving on the inside 'To my princess, my best friend Y/N' and grabbing my hand to the ring on my pinky 
"Y/N-ah, You are one of my best friends. You have seen me at my best and my worst. When you heard of my injury you dropped everything just to be by my side. You ensured I wasn't lonely when everyone went on Nana's tour and I thank you for that. I can never repay you for everything you did for me, but I hope this is a start." 
I was playing with the ring on my pinky. Seungcheol comes back with food. I was placing it on the table in front of us. He handed me some chopsticks. 
"I thought we could share if that's okay" He whispered as I nodded, smiling a little. He sat down next to me. Still, all in my head, he nudges my arm with his shoulder 
“You okay?” He asked me, I just looked at him. When did I start looking at him differently, why haven’t I recognized my feelings for him? 
“Y/n?” I snapped out of my thoughts. I was leaning forward to take a bite of the tteokbokki. 
“Mmm, good,” I said, covering my mouth and chewing. Glaring at Jeonghan and Shua who were laughing. 
I ate in silence. I was listening to how excited they were about their comeback.
“You should do the challenge!”I froze about to eat the pork belly then laughed and shook my head. 
“No way I seen the footwork and there’s no way I can do that” I watched the video of the choreography and the break dance at the end of the song is insane. 
“You can do the bridge,” Seungcheol said they all nodded agreeing with what he said. I would deny it until he looked at me, pleading with his eyes. 
“Okay, teach it to me?” I said looking at him, his eyes softened and he nodded. I smiled taking a sip of water.  One by one everyone started to leave. First Soonyoung and Seungkwan. Shua next, Jihoon soon after. Vernon, Seokmin, and  Minghao, and Junhu. Mingyu and Wonwoo left after they finished their last beer. Jeonghan and Chan were left. Jeonghan looked at Chan who was in his own world at this point and got up Helping the younger and the drunker one up. 
“I’m gonna make sure he gets to his bed,” Jeonghan said leaving me alone with Cheol. We sat in comfortable silence for a moment until he looked at me. 
“You staying the night?” He asked I thought about it for a second then nodded. 
“Can I borrow a shirt?’ I said getting up and walking to his room. Knowing he’ll say yes. I went into his closet and grabbed a shirt, then went to take a shower. After I took a shower, I dried off and put on the shirt. I left the bathroom and found him sitting in the living room. As often as I spent the night in Cheol's apartment, you think I would have extra clothes over here. The only clothes I have are actual day clothes, and undergarments not pajamas, simply because I like wearing his shirts they are big and comfortable. 
“Movie?” I asked
“You pick?” He said. 
“I was gonna tell you to pick” I grabbed the remote, turning the TV on. We both sat down after we cleaned up scrolling through Netflix trying to decide on a movie. 
“Hmmm, do we have to watch a movie?” I asked not finding anything interesting enough to watch and taking the remote from my hands and clicking on the TV Show category. 
“Have you started watching Bridgerton?” He asked glancing over at me. 
“Have you?” I said laughing 
“You know that the only reason I’d watch this is with you,” He said pressing select and starting the first episode of season 3. We sat in silence, Cheol grabbed my legs and rested them on his lap. Running his hand up and my calf  I felt my heart flutter as his finger traced circles on my skin. Eyes focused on the screen. I couldn’t focus on the show anymore, my mind drifted as I felt the warmth of his hands. I felt myself getting turned on as I watched his eyes move up and down my body. I knew I had to stop this, but I couldn't move away.  Episode one is finished now on episode two Halfway through the episode you looked at Cheol. 
‘Tell him..’ a voice inside my head whispered 
“Cheol?” I said making him over at me. 
“Hmm?” He said still rubbing my leg. 
I can do this! I CAN do this right? 
It was the end of the episode and Colin and Pen kissed. I glanced over at Seungcheol who was looking at me. 
“What’s wrong, you’ve been quiet ever since I bought the food out.” He asked I shook my head the words stuck in my throat.  I can do this. I guess. 
“Cheol, I-” I took a deep breath pulling my legs off of him and moving closer to him. He looked concerned. I was playing with the ring on my pinky again. 
“Princess? What’s going on?” He said grabbing my hands. I looked at him biting my lip. Closing my eyes. 
“Seungcheol, we’ve been best friends a long time, right? I can’t imagine my life without you in it if I’m being honest, Cheollie. I don’t know why it took me so long even to realize this but. I-” Stopping to look him in the eyes. 
“I’ve been in love with you for so long. You’re everything I could ever ask for. Caring, protective motivational, and understanding, you take charge when needed and become the one person in my life I know will be there. These last few months being able to be here and be a support system for you watching you work to be back on stage with your members have been inspiring and made in love with you even more. ” 
He just stared at me. No words came out. I could decipher what he was thinking. I slowly moved my hands from his and got up.
“I should go. I’ll see you later?” Moving from him grabbing my phone off the table. His hand quickly grabbed my wrist. Getting looking down at me. 
“Were you going to leave? Without me saying what I have to say. Just gonna run out and pretend those pretty words didn’t come out of that pretty little mouth of yours.” His thumb ran over my lower lip. I sucked in a breath. 
“Princess... I have always been in love with you. Every time I tried to tell you, you were in a relationship or I was dating someone or having a fling, it has always been you baby. The first time you came to watch our concert and just seeing you in the crowd with that smile of yours singing along to all of our songs, you made sure to come to every concert just to show your support not only for me but for my members as well. Every show, every stage when I look at the carats cheering for us, I’m looking for you, you are the one to calm my nerves. You have not only helped me go through one of the toughest times in my life. Babygirl I fell and I fell hard for you ” He stepped closer to me hand on my cheek.  I could feel my heart racing as I looked up into his eyes. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. I closed my eyes and kissed him back, my, heart full of joy and hope.  We pulled away, our eyes still locked. He smiled and kissed me again, this time more deeply. I melted into his arms. He sat down pulling me into his lap. Cheol kissed me again, this time passionately. I was lost in the moment, my heart racing as I felt his hands exploring my body. His hands on my hips moving them. Letting me grind against him. He bit down on my lip  I let out a moan of pleasure as his tongue slid into my mouth. We fought for dominance, which he won, of course, We pulled away panting. His shirt was over my waist his fingers digging into my skin.  His lips met mine again, this time with more intensity. His tongue made its way into my mouth, exploring every crevice. I felt my body temperature rise as my heart raced.
“Cheol” I whimpered against his lips as he raised his hips to meet mine. He groaned his hand sliding down my thigh I felt myself getting wetter as my desire for him grew more intense. His lips moved from my mouth to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses behind. I arched my back to meet his advances, my heart racing as I felt my body trembling with pleasure.  His fingers brushed against my clit, collecting my wetness with his fingers then start to rub my clit. His other hand moved higher, caressing my breasts as his lips continued to explore my neck. His touch was electric, sending waves of pleasure through my body. I let out a moan of pleasure as my body quivered. His lips returned to my mouth, his touch sending my mind into overdrive. I could feel myself getting closer and closer to climax,
“Good girl princess. Tell me what you need”  He whispered against my lips. 
“I-I want your fingers, please” I whimpered body trembling with anticipation. He slowly inserted two fingers into me, his thumb rubbing my clit as his fingers thrusted in and out of me and I began writhing in pleasure. I felt my body tense up as I started to come undone. 
“I’m cumming!” I said. 
“That’s a good girl, use my fingers to cum” His lips returned to mine, and I let out a final moan of pleasure as my body shuddered in ecstasy. When I finally calmed down I tugged on the string of his sweatpants untying it.  He quickly removed his fingers from my pussy and allowed me to take his pants off. He stood there naked, his erection jutting out proudly. ‘Wow, he’s big.’  I thought to myself as I looked up at him with admiration. I reached out and wrapped my small hand around his shaft, feeling it throb in my hand. I slowly began to stroke him, feeling him harden even more.
“Shit, Y/n, make it wet baby. Spit on it, ” He said taking his shirt off and tossing it across the room. Taking my hand and spitting on it wrapping it around him again. 
“Good fucking girl,” He said panting. I smiled softly watching his face twitch in pleasure.  Finally taking him in my mouth slowly watching his mouth drop slightly. 
“Fuuuuuuuck, baby girl,” He said once I took some of him in my mouth. My hand wrapped around the rest.  He looked down at me, biting his lip. Learning what sends shivers up and down his spine. I pulled up to suck on the head of his cock. I started to move my head and hand up and down his cock occasionally deep throating him. 
“Oh, my fuck- so good at that” His raspy voice whispered his hand in my hair. My eyes never left his. 
“Fuck, you look so beautiful like this.” He said, then pulled me away from him. Bending down picked me up and placed me on the couch with him on his knees. Without a warning, his mouth attached to my clit. 
“Oh shit, Cheol!” I cried out my hands in his hair. His fingers slid into me again. Riding his fingers as his mouth worked on my clit had me arching me arching my back. He pulled away still fucking me with his fingers. 
“You don’t know how long I wanted this, princess. To taste you and feel you around me. Now that I know what you taste and feel like…I’m never letting you go” He said curling his fingers and hitting my G-spot over and over again. 
“Fuck, right there!” I moaned, and he smiled teasingly and said 
“Right here, princess? ” I nodded biting my lip, which made him spank my clit lightly 
“F-uck!” I screamed tightening around his fingers 
“Oh- no baby you gonna cum? You need to ask sweetie, let me hear you beg” he said smirking and spanking my clit again. 
“Please, let me cum so you can fuck me Cheollie” My hips meet his fingers in every thrust. His lips wrapped around my clit again making me gasp and whimper. I couldn’t help myself, the aura he gave, the control he had. The word slipped out 
“Daddy! Please can I cum?”  He smirked again before pushing his fingers deeper inside me and sucking and nibbling at my clit, making me moan louder. I felt my orgasm building, my body trembling with pleasure, and when it finally released, I screamed out in pleasure, my body shaking and trembling with pleasure.  I gasped in pleasure, my orgasm finally arriving. He didn't stop, continuing his ministrations until I was spent. Only then did he remove his fingers and lips from me, leaving me in a blissful state.
“Daddy huh?” He said standing up and taking my legs in his hands wrapping them around his waist. Sliding his cock through my lips. 
“Mmmh, please don’t tease me.” He leaned down kissing me. Biting at my lower lip pulling away 
“Beg me to fuck you baby” 
 “Please daddy, fuck me,” I pleaded. His lips curved into a smirk, pushing inside me., back arched gasping out as he bottomed out  He slowly began to thrust in and out, his grip tightening on my hips with each thrust. I moaned in pleasure, my body trembling with pleasure. He leaned down and kissed me, his breath hot against my lips. 
“You, feel so good. Like you were made for me” he groaned out kissing and biting my neck. I moaned out at the pain and pleasure he was giving me. He leaned up took my leg in his hand put it on his shoulder kissing it softly. The angle change made my mouth drop open, 
“Right there daddy, please” I moaned 
“Please what babygirll? Use your words” he said his other hand pinching at my nipple. I couldn’t think straight. My brain can’t even form the thought of what I was asking for.
“Princess, be a good girl and use your words,” He said hand traveling up my chest onto my neck. 
“F-faster please” I cried out. His pace increased, and my moans became louder with each thrust. He leaned down and whispered, his voice low and raspy. 
“Such a good girl, taking all of me. Asking so nicely. I always wondered how much of a good girl you’d be.” I tightened around him making him groan out. 
“Fuck,” Him hitting my g-spot the way he looked like he could spend forever in this position. Turned me on even more. Making me clench around him. 
“You keep doing that I’m gonna cum” He said I smiled and did it again. He groaned his thrusts stuttering. His hold on me tightened, he reached down and rubbed my clit I gasped as I felt him release inside me. Which triggered my orgasm. 
“Daddy!” I screamed out he continued to fuck me through it. He collapsed on top of me, our breathing still heavy. Once he caught his breath he pulled out. I whimpered at the loss of his warmth. I felt him get up he took me in his arms carrying me to his room and then the bathroom and sat me on the toilet. 
“Use the bathroom princess,” He said grabbing a washcloth and wetting it. I used the bathroom grabbed some toilet paper, wiped myself, and stood up. Seungcheol quietly wiped me with the washcloth and cleaned himself off picking me up again and leaving the bathroom. Walking towards his bed laying down with me on top of him. 
“You’re mine now baby girl, and I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon”
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So I had a discussion with my dad a couple days ago about how some of my behaviors reflect symptoms of complex PTSD. For context, my dad has been extremely verbally abusive to me basically until COVID when my mom was home all the time and he couldn’t yell at me without her telling him to cut that shit out. He still loses his cool sometimes, either directed at me, my brother, or my mom. My mom had an incredibly traumatic (in many ways but primarily physically) childhood. She does not do this.
I hypothesized that I must have inherited these C-PTSD adjacent behaviors from my mom because I haven’t experienced trauma. I said this in part to gauge whether my dad would recognize that I have been through traumatic things — not even necessarily because of him, some of it is from being severely bullied and ostracized at school because I’m autistic. He agreed with my lie that I hadn’t ever experienced anything traumatic, and then started to complain about my mom being “overprotective” of me as a child. At some point I managed to bring up that I had gone through a lot of stuff in my childhood that’s scarred me for life, and he pretty much went “well yeah but you weren’t physically abused so you haven’t experienced trauma.” Which…no. Not how that works.
I moved on from that but my dad kept saying “this is such a productive conversation why don’t I have these kinds of conversations with you more often.” He at one point said something that made me tell him, “I’m not qualified to talk about this, you need a therapist or someone with a degree in psychology.” This made him go “nooooo why are you making this conversation go sideways why are you making this difficult we were having a PRODUCTIVE conversation why would you ruin it like this :(((( I can’t talk to you about anything”, which is not an uncommon response for him to have but just very annoying.
The worst part, though, and what I primarily wanted to tell you about, was when I confronted him about him, during a fight in January, yelling at my mom that she was just like her abuser. I’d asked my mom if she was okay with him saying that and she told me “oh he says that a lot but when he does he’s always drunk so I don’t let it get to me.” My dad justified his actions by informing me that, quote, “your mom was actually being really mean to me when I said that.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or being serious and something about that made me so sad I started to cry. He didn’t respond well to that. Previously he’d complained about my mom “freaking out whenever I raise my voice at her,” which, yeah! She was verbally abused as a child! I told my mom about this later and she was like “well he says things like that sometimes, try not to pay attention to them.” I had talked with my mom’s best friend about incidents like this previously and she’d mentioned that my mom has a really high tolerance for emotional abuse and basically any kind of abuse that isn’t physical.
And I just think that’s so sad. I wish my dad would not be…like that. He’s a walking collection of red flags and I want better for my mom. I can’t put my feelings about this shit into words other than “it’s sad.” Because it is sad and I think my dad really has to do some self reflection but I’m not helping with that shit. He has to work through his issues by himself because I am not a licensed therapist. I’m literally a teenager. I shouldn’t have to be dealing with this stuff and it’s frustrating to be around my father most of the time. I think it’s very sad for him too because he’s fucked up his relationship with me specifically so so so bad. Your kid should feel safe around you, but I can’t feel safe around my dad. And that’s just sad.
Anyway sorry I had to tell someone about the “she was actually being really mean to me before I screamed at her and compared her to her abuser” comment because what the fuck. That’s a wild ass thing to say right? Like, there’s no justifying that. The justification made it so much worse imo.
His behavior towards you and your mom is unacceptable and unfair, and I'm sorry you've had to grow up in such an environment. That being said, attempting to have a constructive conversation about abuse and trauma with a long term abuser is rarely particularly productive, and you might get further by avoiding direct confrontations with him when that's possible than by actively trying to confront him with his abuse. At least until you can get out of there ❤️
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aeb-art · 2 months
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even in a story with reader insert, i'm still putting myself in there separately ahahaha so here's another lil thing with some of @venomous-qwille's characters
and then the moment they leave the room:
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that-was-anticlimactic · 11 months
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no but like can we talk about how jun'ichiro is like... an amazing actor? i mean... atsushi's entrance exam, the whole lets himself get taken hostage by the port mafia in cannibalism arc thing... jun'ichiro has RANGE. and like if you think about it, he acts more than he realizes. like... his ability kind of requires him to act and pretend. or he'll need to pretend he's not using it or that it's real... idk i just think jun'ichiro is such an interesting character ahhhhhhhhh
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coquelicoq · 7 months
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after spending the last week very stressed out and losing sleep over how much i regretted giving my number to a stranger, and after talking to several friends who all gave me the same very wise advice ("decide first what YOU want out of this and make decisions based on that" sounds obvious now but honestly blew my mind), i saw food truck man again today and he asked me if i have a boyfriend, told me he's all alone, hugged me twice, and tried to kiss me. i texted him after to be like just to be clear, i don't want a boyfriend, but i hope you find somebody! and he texted me back: i don't need a girlfriend. i'm married.
#AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA#i was actually so upset after he tried to kiss me. technically he did kiss me but not on the mouth because i would not turn my head lol#but i was like you know what i am an adult and i am going to be soooo mature right now. watch how mature i can be#and sent him this text#and then got that response and honestly now i feel a lot better about everything?? for some reason#i am not really understanding all of my reactions to this situation i need some time to process#but ultimately i have learned some new things about myself (or i probably will once i have processed lol)#and i'm actually quite proud of that text because i could have psyched myself out too much to send it#which i think would have just made me continue to be stressed about this#but i didn't!! i wrote it and i sent it and i didn't overthink it. yay me#sorry 2 everyone who wanted me to have a sexy time but it turns out i did not want to have a sexy time!#and i decided to take some advice that i should only do things i want to do <3 thank you to all my wise friends#it is a work in progress because he asked if he could hug me and i didn't really want to do that but i said okay#baby steps! working on it!#i feel insane though because i usually have a much easier time saying no than most people i know#so i don't know what's happening. it's because i gave him my number. i felt like by doing that i had consented to other things#but i hadn't. and even if i had i can withdraw consent at any time. yes. i do know this
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silveredsticks · 27 days
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