#i am the subject i know best ✧ SELF PROMO

[starikune]

Yeah, we've all been on a journey, but we're here right now.

Independent, selective OC multi-muse. Loved by Maverick. Established 2022. If you like what you see here, feel free to like or reblog! Links are mobile friendly!

[Guidelines] | [Muses] | [Verses]

{GIF background was made by assassin1513}

[theedgeexecutivecoaching]

Exec Presence - The Most Effective Kept Key to Occupation Improvement

The Best Kept Secret to Service Success:

Executive Existence

Are you ever curious why others obtain promoted, safeguard the crucial tasks, or are picked for the 'high entertainer' ability swimming pool - and also you are ignored? You know you have as much skill as they do - perhaps much more. If you strive and obtain good efficiency evaluations and yet are continually overlooked for promos to management and also administration positions, perhaps you are doing not have an exec presence.

What is Exec Existence? The term executive existence is an ambiguous term. Some consider exec presence simply as your picture. There is even more to it than that. Executive presence is difficult to define. However, you appear to recognize it when somebody strolls into the room that develops a certain impression as well as regulates focus.

Executive existence is a combination of features, most of which are non-verbal. It is a confidence, a style, an energy, a means of being that claims … I am capable and also certain. I am a leader (also when you may not have the title "leader".).

Put simply, executive visibility has to do with impact - the impact you create on others who remain in a placement to make a distinction in your job or business. It may be the distinction between getting the promo you want or listening to disheartening comments such as "you are not prepared yet" to relocate into monitoring. It has much less to do with your actual skills and capabilities than it makes with others' perception of your capacities based on what they observe. There is a significant subjective element to exec existence. Executive presence coaching

When a person observes how you look, act, sound, react, play the game (or not), brand on your own (or not) they make subjective assumptions regarding you that go well past the truths. They translate the impression you create right into a "story" concerning you.

If you desire advance to supervisory and leadership positions in your company, or want to draw in top customers to your firm, you have to have the intangible, yet essential, quality called executive existence.

Creating an Executive Presence.

Do you communicate an impact of proficiency and confidence? First impressions are powerful. Your impression makes a distinction when you are participating in a networking occasion, or participating in an interview, functioning, or just doing your day-to-day task. The impression you create is a long-term one. Impressions make a difference in the regard you make and the results you achieve in work and in life.

The impression you produce includes what people see as well as hear. What you interact, both vocally and non-verbally, produces an impact on others that they translate into a point of view of your abilities.

It is very important to note, your outside impression is greatly reliant upon your internal self-image. The discussion you have with on your own in your own head is consciously and also unconsciously connected via your words and also actions. Ask on your own, do I communicate a strong, and sure of oneself impact since that is the way I really feel within … or is the reverse real? Executive presence training

The bright side is your executive existence is totally in your control. Assess your perception. Ask for responses from relied on coworkers. Have them tell you the top five company qualities that ideal explain you.

After that take the needed steps to form your brand-new picture from the inside out. You might locate you have job to do to build inner confidence before you can radiate outside business self-confidence and a strong exec visibility. One means to Market Yourself To The Leading is to boost your executive visibility.

[notxkahlo]

tag dump

❪ ⋅ ✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ i love you more than my own skin — ❝ musings ❜ ❫

❪ ⋅ ✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ the answers are easy if you have the right questions — ❝ answered ❜ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ i am my own muse i am the subject i know best — ❝ ooc ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ i paint my own reality — ❝ resources ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ nothing is worth more than laughter — ❝ funny stuff ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ only one mountain can know the core of another mountain — ❝ self promo ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ feet what do i need you for when i have wings to fly? — ❝ memes ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ i paint flowers so they will not die — ❝ aesthetic ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ i put on the canvas whatever comes into my mind — ❝ plot bunnies ❞ ❫

❪ ⋅✶ ˖ ࣪ ‹ my child; my lover; my universe — ❝ wanted fc ❞ ❫

[visd3stele]

The beauty and his beast - wolfstar fic

summary: two different nights, years passed, some things changes, but some never do

TW: nightmares, PTSD, trauma, non depictive child abuse, themes of suicidal thoughts

A/N: I loved writing this, but I am so nervous about it. What do you think?

requests ; masterlist

fanart credit picture down below: @lunopal

Ragged voices licked his ears. Three different ones overlapped in a cacophony of hissed whispers and dooming laughs. From where he stood in the middle of his cell, Sirius could see a silhouette standing in the open door. Open, because there was no way he could escape. Three Dementors floated in a circle around him, so fast he could barely tell them apart. Black smoke, a burning smell and shadows whirled under low hoods, bringing him to his knees.

The man in the door curled his lips in a terrible grin. The Dementors were his and with each mind they broke, with each soul they ate, the wizard gained a sense of pride and morbid joy.

Sirius knew it. He knew the man, back in his school years - how far they seemed now! But Sirius also knew he was delusional. The Dementors bow to no one. They have no law, no caretaker, no master. Only their purpose.

Continuing to swirl around his frail body, sinked in to a third of what it used to be, bony edges poking out through dirty thin layers of clothing, the Dementors closed in on Sirius. Flashes of memories flew before the Animagus' eyes. James' empty ones, still open in a silent plea for his sacrifice to be enough to save his family, his brown hair dipped in his own blood, body angled in an unnatural position with his hand stretched forward above his head as if reaching for his best friend. Lily's tears, yet to dry and evaporates, stained her too pale face, the red of her hair sprayed around too lively; no blood pools formed around her lifeless body, laid on its belly as it fell onward, as if leaping away from her son, so the baby won't have to see it. And finally Harry, his godson, crying in his crib, a brown-red crust shaped like a lightning forming on his forehead; his green, small eyes, swollen, puffy and trimmed with red followed his godfather as the man turned his back on him and ran outside.

Sirius cursed loudly, beginning to shackle the chains trapping him in place in case he tried to escape the daily visit of the Prison Warrant and his guards. But the now twenty five years old has stopped trying to run a long time ago. What good would it be? There was nothing - no one - waiting from him out in the world. No, Sirius trashing around the cold, dirty dais, snapping the metal biting in his wrists, bruising his effervescent skin and almost cracking his bones as well was his attempt to run from his own mind. If he could just wipe the haunting memories away with a shook of his head, a twist of his back or punching and kicking the thick walls.

Fragments of thoughts he wasn't sure belonged to him invaded his mind. "Your fault. Traitor. Another Black." And, worst of all, one pained howl, a desperate scream in the night. Sirius wasn't sure if he heard it, or the dark creatures around toyed with him, but Remus' wild, feral yell of pure hurt reverberated inside the bars of his mind. The young wizard shut his eyes closed tightly, hoping to brush away the sound, the voices. Failing to do so, he released a scream of his own, only a hint of Padfoot, the big, black dog, his alter ego, printed in it.

The thirty four years old man yanked up. The bed sheets were soaked in his sweat, the blanket throwed on the floor. Sirius passed a shacking hand over his face, feeling the hot air leaving his mouth in short breaths, than big inhales with no exhale, the burning of tears on his warm red cheeks and the running nose. His lips felt sewed together all of a sudden, as chill after chill entered his body, cooling off his face too quickly.

It was just a nightmare, he knew. He escaped Azkaban, has been a free man from over a week already. But Sirius Black couldn't let the twelve years in prison go. The things he saw there, what the Dementors showed him day after day, carved their way in his brain, refusing to leave. Yes, he may have been wrong: his family and living friend welcomed him back. Harry was warming up to hid godfather, Nymphadora Tonks was eager to know her uncle, Andromeda even reached out, sending letter after letter and Remus - well, Remus hugged him tight and apologized for believing that filthy rat's lies. The werewolf spent his days, from first ray of sunshine until the last drop of sunlight. But the nights he went home. The nights when ghosts came to play, wounds teared open and pain leaked like blood from Sirius' heart, Remus was gone.

He tried to remember a time they didn't share a bed - before Azkaban, of course. Not in a sexual way, though it came to that in the late years of Hogwarts too. But simply for the comfort they each found in the other. It started in the second year, Sirius recalled.

Four twelve years old boys in a room seemed like a receipt for disaster. In a way, it was. After finding out their friend's secret, James, Sirius and Peter decided to sneak in the herbology cabinet, get Mandrake leaves and become Animagus. Seeing as they got away with it, the four created their enchanted map and become the Marauders, messers Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail, waltzing their merry way through Hogwarts.

Not everything was merry and joyful, though. And despite their reputation, the wizards could be grave and serious when need be. Like one night, when Sirius woke them all up with his cries. The grey eyed boy stood on top of his bed covers, knees drawn to his chest, hands tangled in his shoulder length hair. He leaned back and forth, trembling. Front teeth bit in his lower lip to prevent him from making more noises as silent tears rolled down his face.

The other three boys thought Sirius saw a mean spirit, the haunted glassy look in his eyes only proving their theory further. But no danger threatened in the shadows of their room. No monster lurked in the darkness.

James was the first to get up and surf his way to the pure blood. Remus followed closely behind while Peter watched everything from the safety of his bed. Sirius' episode truly spooked him.

"Padfoot, mate, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. 'm sorry. Go back to sleep."

James and Remus changed worried looks at the sourness of Sirius' voice. Their friend would usually be the epitome of confidence, yet now he seemed to desperately try to shrink and disappear. But it was late and they were tired, so the boys decided with a swift nod that they'd pick up the subject in the morning and climbed back under their covers.

Remus jolted awake. Two out of his three best friends were sound asleep. Sirius still stared at the wall in front of him, breathing jerky. Due to his fine, superior hearing, the werewolf discerned the Black boy's muffled whimpers, sounds that kept him from sleeping.

"Sirius, why are you so afraid?" Remus whispered.

" 'm not afraid, Moony. Sleep."

"Can't. Werewolf remember? I hear you trying to not cry. You can cry, you know."

"I know." Sirius said in a tone that clearly showed he doesn't. With a sigh, Remus threw away his blanket, slipped his feet in his shoes and trailed his legs over the dorm's brick daises until he reached his friend's bed. The brown haired boy signed Sirius to scoop over, which he did, to both wizards surprise.

Later, when talking about that night, Padfoot admitted he was too tired, too shocked and too lost in his mind to think and only acted on auto pilot.

Remus brought the blankets to cover them both, still seated as they were. "Do you need a hug?" Sirius hesitated before answering, but eventually he nodded twice, a quick movement as if the boy was ashamed to admit it and wanted to pass unnoticed.

But Remus smiled softly and wrapped his hands around him. Sirius clinged onto his friend. The warmth of the gesture, the cozy closeness of a settled, stable body, a person that cared deeply about him and only him as a being, set the restrained tears free. Remus held Sirius until his body stilled and he could feel no more tears soaking his pajamas.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sirius swallowed, but the words demanded to be spoken. "Yes."

"Alright. I'm gonna ask you questions and you can answer with yes or no. It's your choice if you want to elaborate. Sounds good?"

"Yes." Sirius said and for a moment his usual, ironic self showed up.

"Was it a nightmare?"

"Yes."

"About your family?"

With a shudder, the grey eyed boy forced out another "yes."

"Your brother?"

"No."

"Your parents, then. Did they - did they do something to you?"

"Yes." Remus' arms tighten around him and he clunged harder to his friend as well. In the safety of the Gryffindor dorm, shared with his most trusted peers, comforted by the scarred boy he became an Animagus for, Sirius stumbled over his thoughts. The dream weighted heavy on his mind, but he didn't know how to let free of those horrible images that haunted him. Not images, memories. Sirius feared that if he said anything they'll become real. Not that they weren't, but they happened in the past. Talking about them, invoking them, would feel like living through them again.

And yet, part of him wanted to talk. He needed someone to know. Sirius couldn't be sure why. Maybe to hear that it was nothing, that it was ok and he shouldn't be such a weak ship. Or maybe to hear it was normal and he wasn't alone. That is how parents love and his didn't hate him after all. Or just to show someone how broken he were, hoping to be picked un and patched.

So, speaking slowly, but evenly, Sirius retailed his nightmare to Remus. In his sleep, the twelve years old boy was hanging some muggle posters in his room: bands, promo for concerts, normal things a boy his age would own. He smiled broadly, music turned on quite loud, muggle music, when his parents bursts in. Walburga and Orion both yell, but Sirius can’t understand what they’re saying. It’s pretty clear they are very upset with him, though. And the reason couldn’t be more obvious. 

“Sirius Orion Black!” his mother shrieked. “Ungrateful, worthless child! You are a stain on the family’s name.”

“You should be ashamed of you. As much as I am for being your father. Well, say something. Look how upset you made your mother!”

“Sorry,” he’d try to say, but his voice would break, too small to be heard by the angry adults. Which only worsened their state. Sirius watched frozen in terror as Walburga took her wand. Only his head seemed to be able to move, and he was shacking it vigorously, wiping his cheeks with it. The young wizard tasted tears on his tongue as he repeated the same words over and over again “no, please, ‘m sorry!” It did nothing to help. 

Remus stayed in his bed that night.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

The moon shone mockingly on the window. Last night has been a full moon and Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail failed to properly contain Moony. It happened quite a lot in their first days as Animagus. As normal, they got better over the years, the four boys falling in rhythm like an oiled machine. By the time they reached excellency, though, mistakes happened. James, Peter and Sirius thought less of it, but Remus took it badly. 

As he laid in the dark, blanket drawn to cover his head as he hugged his knees on the side, the young werewolf tried to remember what happened last night. What if he killed someone? What if he will next time the boys won’t be able to restrain him? Is it worth living like this, a danger to himself and the ones around? What if he hurts his friends? 

“I can hear your mind working from over here y’know?”

Remus straighten up in shock. “Padfoot?”

“Well, it’s not the Fat Lady. What’s on your mind?”

Remus shrugged, but Sirius wouldn’t stop pestering him until he poured his deepest fears and doubts. 

“You won’t”

“How do you know this?”

“You won’t, Moony,” Sirius said more firmly this time.

“Alright.” Remus clearly didn’t believe him and his worries still troubled him as he turned to lay back down. He heard footsteps, then felt the mattress shifting as another body climbed over his bed covers. “I know because I am Sirius Black and you are my friend.” Less than an hour later, both boys were sound asleep.

Sirius slept in his bed that night.

°•▪︎~▪︎•°

It became a tradition. At first, they'd wait until one of them woke frozen in pain and panic, then they'd stay together and talk silently until they could sleep again. Later, Sirius and Remus would wait until James and Peter were out to decide who's bed to sleep in, knowing one of them - or both - ought to need the comfort.

The man kept trembling. His sobs caught in hiccups, leaving him out of breath. He did it. He left Harry for revenge. He practically made the choice for James and Lily, selecting Peter as secret keeper. His brother died and instead of mourning him, Sirius rejoiced bitterly in his cell - until he found out how he betrayed the Dark Lord.

He was just another Black. An evil presence in the world, despite his efforts. Gryffindor or Slytherin, it mattered not when his genes crafted him. Sirius tried so hard to be good, brave, loyal and the only thing he managed was to disappoint everyone. He was a nuisance and a burden and the a stain on the world. It'd be better if his sorry, useless existence would be wiped off the surface of the Earth.

Such thoughts clouded Sirius' mind when a light knock pulled him out of his head. "May I come in, Padfoot?"

The man almost broke at the nickname. Only one single person now would know to call him that. The weight of the realization hit him and another wave of tears carried the air from his lungs.

Receiving no answer, Remus kicked the door open, worry written all over him. The werewolf was panting and sweating from running, eyes wide close to terror. "Padfoot!" Seeing his oldest friend's state, he rushed to his side and hesitated only a moment before drawing him in for a hug.

"Nightmare?"

"Yes."

"Azkaban?"

"Yes."

"Dementors?"

"Yes. They-" Sirius gulped, shame tightening up in his throat. He was a thirty four man, for Godric's sake! And yet he cries like a baby. But the path he and Remus trailed off to, simple questions, any type of answer, so familiar and soothing he couldn't stop. "They tortured me. Showing me their - James and Lily's - death over and over. I left Harry, Moony. I stepped inside the house, saw that beautiful, brave child, suffering and I took off after bloody Pettigrew!" Before Remus could say a thing, Sirius continued, teeth so barred that words barely spitted out. "I heard you screaming too. I don't think that was real, but it sounded so broken, Moony. Twelve years, over twenty four full moons alone. 'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

Remus inhaled sharply, pulling Sirius even closer to him. He rubbed circles on his back, leaning to whisper in his ear "It was not, Padfoot. I should have trusted you more, star. If anything, it's my fault for spending so much time alone. So much, in fact, that it seems I neglected you, our agreement."

“It was my fault.” Sirius insisted.

“No,” and not letting him time to argue, Remus added “I know so, Sirius, because I am Remus Lupin and you are my... friend.”

Sirius pulled away only to find a reluctant smile playing on Remus' face. His body reacted before his mind could process its moving. He moved on the right side of the bed, still avoiding the other wizard's eyes. "Why are you here, Remus?"

"I couldn't sleep either. Thought to check on you as well. And good thing I did. You looked..." The professor didn't know how to finish that sentenced. Hollow. Empty. Dead. Scaringly close to death, in fact.

"Merlin! Thank you, Moony. You don't look bad yourself."

Remus chuckled. "Are you feeling any better?"

"No. You?"

"No."

Both men laughed. A bitter sweet sound passing through silence, taking with it any sign of discomfort that existed.

"I'm glad you came."

"Me too."

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL

Feb 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

Ongoing Series Thai 

Manner of Death Ep 11 - a nice beefcake twist, then another twist, plus proud gay dads. We are mighty pleased. 

Cupid Coach Ep 4 - Unbearably boring. I’m out. We are not amused. 

My Bromance Ep 9 - FINALE I watched it unsubbed (I’ve NOT been following since ep 3) and it looks like it has a nice cute happy ending. I’m now interested in binging it once good subs become available. 

1000 Stars Ep 2 - was a lot better than Ep 1, the mains have okay chemistry, the kids are serviceable (child actors, shudder), but I’m really loving all the side characters. We are cautiously optimistic. 

Ongoing Series Not Thai 

You Are Ma Boy Ep 5 (Vietnam) - pacing still good, cuties are still giving it their all, solid little series with bumpy side couples, confession call & response continues apace.

To My Star Ep 7-9 FINALE (Korea) - quirky as all goddamn getup, but so fucking cinnamon roll tasty. Charming end. Recommended so long as you realize we are in Mr Heart style K-BL. (Also @coldties posted a killer MV for this one.) This one will get a movie rerelease like Wish You, hopefully also on Netflix. 

We Best Love: No. 1 For You Ep 6 FINALE (Taiwan) - we got to see boyfriends being domestic af adorable with an ending that was a touch bittersweet but very college appropriate. With season 2 coming March 5 I am disposed to be VERY PLEASED. 

What will we do with ourselves and nothing new out of Korea or Taiwan for two WHOLE weeks? 

Stand Alone 

I rewatched Wish You (2020 Korean series WISH YOU: Your Melody From My Heart now retitled - thank fuck - and available as a movie on Netflix). I have to say Yoon Sang Yi delivers some excellent pining. I’m not a huge insta-love person and there’s some character dev flaws, but it holds up really well and delivers more as a movie then it did as a series.

One of my favorite catches on the rewatch was the way Yoon Sang Yi’s jacket sleeves are always too long. It’s such a perfect little character trait. He is so shy and careful that he shrugs smaller into his coat, and also he hides his hands - when, as a pianist, his hands represent his self actualization and art. He only exposes them when making music... or holding Kang In Soo‘s hand. 

Incidentally, I was moved to look these two up... both out of K-pop. (This is my shocked face.) 

Breaking News 

Lovey Writer dropped its official trailer at last, looking good and trope-filed. It’s set to start Feb 24th. 

Top Secret Together dropped its first promo material (Thai, no eng subs). I’m excited about this one, it’s being lead out by an IRL couple. 

My Engineer 2 

The ME boys dropped an adorable gossip heavy promo vid. ME 2 is finishing up the script and will probably begin filming in April. It’s supposed to still release in 2021 (which makes me worry about post and explains a lot about some of Thai BL’s audio quality issues). With April filming, my guess is for an October (but more likely November) release. 

Close Friend 

Lay talked about his Close Friend project, which is a MV series from BOX Music featuring musically-inclined actors with established BL pairings so:

KimCop (MarkKit from Gen Y)

JimmyTommy (SaifahZon from Why R U)

JaFirst (LeoFiat from TharnType 2)

YoonLay (NottPun from YYY)

Y-Destiny 

Perth talked about Y-Destiny (previous title Destiny) which presumably is already filmed because he said it will be on air at the beginning of this year. As this is a Cheewin project, expect it to be something odd, campy, and frenetic in the YYY style. My guess is they’ll wait until You Only Eat Alone has completed its run before airing Y-Destiny, because who can take more than one Cheewin at a time? No one. Not even Thailand. 

KinnPorsche 

Perth also talked about KinnPorsche. He said it would be on air... but that he wasn’t allowed to say the date, so we can hope this means they finally got distribution. (The excitement over the trailer probably helped - it has over a million views.) He also said they would start filming soon (so Feb/March) which means, if everything goes smoothly, a late summer release at the earliest. However, with an independent studio, high production values, big cast, and fight sequences I would expect KP to have more post than most BLs, so my guess is it will air towards the end of the year. (And I would be scared for quality if they tried for any earlier.) 

KinnPorsche cast also continues to work the BL talk show circuit, they made an appearance on Sosat Seoul Say. Mile & Apo are adorable + good chemistry, in fact the whole cast is adorable with good chemistry, so I’m excited for this series. 

Gossip 

Cutest beans, Sam & Yu of We Best Love, have been dropping the most charming little lives ever. I’m so pleased we are getting a second season out of them. I can’t remember the title because, ya know, Taiwanese titles are beyond bonkers. But season 2 is listed now. 

Hong Kong is reported to be filming its first BL Series (15 eps to air on VIUTV). It will be an adaptation of 2018 Japanese BL drama Ossan’s Love (maybe same title?). Like Cherry Magic this is an office romcom: 30s single man who isn't popular with women lives with his parents. When they kick him out, he moves in with a coworker. Turns out this guy has a crush on him, as does another dude from his office. Foundational tropes: Office romance meets forced proximity meets love triangle. I expect the style out of Hong Kong to be somewhat similar to Taiwan, however they are politically less independent of China Main (although culturally VERY different) so this series could be DOA (for gay) or get killed early in its run (see Addicted web series - or don’t see it, if you’re in China). Also, like the Japanese original (and unlike most Taiwanese stuff), expect VERY low heat. That said, 15 eps is nothing to sneeze at, even if they are only 15-20 min each. So I guess I am... intrigued? 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

February Update: Others that are airing but I’m not following: 

Fools (Vietnamese) - I don’t think it’s going to end happily (it’s from the Stage of Love peeps), so I’m waiting to binge if it does 

Brothers (Thai) - deals with taboo relationships from the Thank God it’s Friday people (this will not end well) 

Happenstance (Pinoy) - I don’t follow Pinoy BL closely

One Day Pag-ibig (Pinoy) - ibid 

Love or Lie (Pinoy) - ibid 

The Alter (Pinoy) - ibid 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here. 

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something. 

[bookcoversalt]

Have you noticed the latest edition of Charlie Bowater can only draw one (1) face? She did The Princess Will Save You and Cast In Firelight both YA Fantasy set to be released this year. And they are how you say... the same fucking cover

Ah yes so you saw the same tweet I did

I know I literally just posted that we cannot outlaw book covers from looking like each other, but ! Oof!

The only thing that softens the blow here is that Charlie has improved at representing nonwhite features such that characters look like POC rather than tan white people, although,, that bar was low. Anybody remember the ACOTAR coloring book.

(Would you have guessed that 2/3 of these people are nonwhite? Or even that they’re supposed to be three different men? I guess all the men in Prythian have the same haircut?)

But that minor victory is mostly lost in the quagmires of the fact that Charlie’s style is to give everyone instagram face:

I wouldn’t even call this “Sameface” necessarily: that implies limitation, that an artist is only capable of drawing a single facial structure competently. Bowater is incredibly technically talented, she just chooses to give everyone catlike fae eyes and the cheekbones of a starving nymph. (My previous post on this here.)

But I don’t really blame her for that, or for these hilariously identical, nearly devoid of personality covers. Artists are allowed to do whatever they want. Artists who make art for covers are being art directed by designers and marketing teams who bear responsibility for how the finished pieces turn out.

No, this is our fault, as a community and an industry and..... society, kind of, for valuing character portraits that are “pretty” (“pretty” being an extremely loaded, culturally subjective concept) over art that actually Says Something About The Story. Bowater’s style happens to dovetail perfectly with what we currently collectively find pretty, and so we’ve put her art on a pedestal at the cost of everything else art can or should do for our stories.

And this is understandable: in contemporary western culture, pretty is a value unto itself. Seeing our characters portrayed as pretty denotes them as special, as smart, as powerful. It’s almost impossible to de-program ourselves from that reaction. There are approximately five kajillion studies on how beautiful people are at personal and professional advantages; how they’re perceived to be happier, healthier, more successful, and how those perceptions can translate into realities. (Nevermind how thinness and whiteness enter that equation, see above note about “pretty”.) I would love to see more “average” or weird- looking characters abound (and be accurately visually represented) in the YA/ Genre lit sphere, but for now... everyone is pretty.

Which sometimes means everyone is pretty boring.

But that’s just the specific, "What’s the deal with Bowater’s success in book circles and her style and all the sameiness” part of this equation. What if we backed up and asked: why character art at all? Beyond a question of “pretty”-ness (and general obvious Artistic Quality), why do we gravitate towards it, what's the purpose of it, how does it fall flat in a general sense, and how can it be utilized more effectively?

This is something I think about all the time. I follow writers on social media (because..... I am a writer on social media, regrettably), and we have an enormous collective boner for character art. “Getting fanart [of the characters]” is one of the achievement pinnacles constantly cited when people get or want to get published. Commissioning character art is something we reward ourselves with, or save up for (WHICH IS GOOD AND CORRECT. FREE ART IS GREAT BUT DO NOT SOLICIT IT. PAY YOUR ARTISTS). And like???? Same????? We love our stories because we’re invested in our characters. Most humans, even prose writers, are visual creatures to some extent, and no matter how happy we are with our text-based art, it’s exciting to see our creations exist in that form. So we turn that art into promo material and we advocate for it on our covers-- because it’s so meaningful to us! It goes with the story perfectly!! Look at my dumb beautiful children!!!!!

But on an emotional level, it’s hard to grasp that it only means something to us. Particularly when you take into account the aforementioned vast landscape of beautiful visual blandness of many characters (in the YA/ genre lit sphere, that’s pretty much all I’m ever talking about), character art can be like baby photos. If you know the baby, if that baby is your new niece or your friend’s kid, if you’ve held them and their parent texts you updates when they do cute shit, you’re probably excited to see that baby photo. But unless it’s exceptionally cute, a random stranger’s baby photo isn’t likely to invoke an emotional reaction other than “this is why I don’t get on facebook.”

Seeing art of characters they don’t know might intrigue a reader, but especially if the characters or art are unremarkable-looking, it’s doing a hell of a lot more for the people who already have an emotional attachment to that character than anybody else. And that’s fine. Art for a small, invested audience is incredibly rewarding. But like the parent who cannot see why you don’t think their baby is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY IN THE WORLD???? I think we have trouble divesting our emotional reaction to character art from its actual marketing value, which.... is often pretty minimal. This is my hill to die on #143:

Character portraits, even beautiful ones, are meaningless as a marketing tool without additional context or imagery. 

I love character art! I’m not saying it should not exist or that it’s worthless! Even art that appeals to only the one single person who made it has value and the right to exist. And part of this conversation is how important for POC to see themselves on covers, whether illustrations or stock imagery, particularly in YA/kidlit. I’m not saying character portrait covers are “bad”. 

I am saying that I have seen dozens and dozens of sets of character art for characters who look interchangeable, and it has never driven me to preorder a book. (Also one character portrait for a high-profile 2019 debut that was clearly just a painting of Amanda Seyfriend. You know the one. There’s nothing wrong with faceclaims but lmfao, girl,,,,)

I’m sure that’s not true for everyone! I am incredibly picky about art. It’s my job. There’s nothing wrong with your card deck of cell-shaded boys of ambiguous age and ethnicity who all have the same button nose and smirk if it Sparks Joy for you.

But if your goal is not only to delight yourself, but to sell books, it’s in your best interest to remember that art, like writing, is a form of communication. The publishing industry runs on pitches: querys, blurbs, proposals, self-promo tweets. What if we applied that logic to our visuals? How can we utilize our character design and art to communicate as much about our stories as possible, in the most enticing way?

Social media has already driven the embrace of this concept in a very general sense. Authors are now supposed to have ~ aesthetics. “Picspams” or graphics, modular collages that function as mini moodboards, are commonplace. But the labor intensity and relative scarcity of character art visible in bookish circles, even on covers, means that application of marketing sensibility to it is less intuitive than throwing together a pinterest board.

Since we were talking about it earlier, WICKED SAINTS, as a case study of a recent “successful” fantasy YA debut, arguably owed a lot of its early social media momentum to fanart.

(Early fanart by @warickaart)

The most frequently drawn character, Malachiasz, has long hair, claws, and distinctive face tattoos. WS has a strong aesthetic in general, but those features clearly marked his fanart as him in a way even someone unfamiliar with the book could clearly track across different styles. Different interpretations of his tattoos from different artists even became a point of interest.

(Art by Jaria Rambaran, also super early days of WS Being A Thing)

Aside from distinctiveness, it's a clear visual representation of his history as a cult member, his monstrous powers, and the story’s dark, medieval tone. The above image is also a great example of character interaction, something missing from straightforward portraits, that communicates a dynamic. Character dynamics draw people into stories: enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, childhood rivals, platonic life partners, love triangles, devoted siblings, exes who still carry the flame-- there’s a reason we codify these into tropes, and integrate that language and shared knowledge into our marketing. For another example in that vein, I really love this art by @MabyMin, commissioned by Gina Chen:

The wrist grip! The fancy outfits! These are two nobles who hate each other and want to bone and I am sold. 

In terms of true portraits, the best recent example I can think of is the set @NicoleDeal did for Roshani Chokshi’s GILDED WOLVES (I believe as a preorder incentive of some kind?): 

They showcase settings, props, and poses that all communicate the characters’ interests, skills, and personality, as well as the glamorous, elaborate aesthetic of the overall story. Even elements in the gold borders change, alluding to other plot points and symbology.

For painterly accuracy in character portraits on covers, I love SPIN THE DAWN. The heroine looks like a beautiful badass, yes, but the thoughtful, detailed rendering of every element, soft textures, and dynamic, fluid composition form a really cohesive, stunning illustration that presents an intriguing collection of story elements.

The devil isn’t always in the details, though: stark, moody, highly stylized or graphic art with an emphasis on textural contrast and bold color and shape rather than representational accuracy can communicate a lot (emotionally and tonally) while pretty much foregoing realism.

The new Lunar Chronicles covers are actually the best examples I found of this (Trying to stay within the realm of existing bookish art rather than branch into All Art Of Human Figures Forever):

Taking cues from styles more typical of the comics and video game industries.  (Games and comics, as visual mediums, are sources of incredible character art and I highly recommend following artists in those industries if you want to See More Cool Art On Your Timeline.)

TL;DR: Character art and design, as a marketing tool (even an incidental one) should be as unique to your story and your characters as possible, and tell us about the story in ways that make us want to read it. I tried to give examples because there are so many ways to do this, and so many different kinds of art, and I could give many more! But I’m bored now. So to circle all the way back:

These are not just bad because they look like each other, although that is embarrassing and illuminating. These are bad covers (although,,,,, PRINCESS is the far worse offender, at least FIRELIGHT suggests a thoughtful cultural analogue) because a desire for Pretty Character Art overrode the basic cover function to tell us about the story. We get no sense of who these people are, what their relationships are, what these books are about beyond the most general genre, or why we might care. The expressions are vague, the characters generic-looking, the compositions uninteresting and the colors failing to be indicative of anything in particular. 

They’re somebody else’s baby pictures.

(And yes, that’s the CRUEL PRINCE font on PRINCESS. I better not have to do a roundup post but it’s on thin fucking ice.)

[oblolongue]

chazzawrites challenge: 26. Self promo time! Share a snippet from another project that you’re proud of.

I’ll share a snippet from Alchemists :

Agrippa sighed audibly. "Before you two take this argument elsewhere, I need to know one last thing. What is this artefact lost in the Mines?" "A flower of gold petals." "Are you sure?" said slowly Agrippa, like she couldn't believe what she heard. "I am." "This... this is absurd." intervened Neil. "This is phenomenal. The Circle has lost a flower of gold petals in the Mines?" The silenced that followed was only perturbed by the soft rustling of leaves around them. It sounded like even the plants were either scandalized or worried.

"This is a matter of great importance" finally croaked Agrippa. "Neil, you are definitely going in." She seemed like age had a sudden grip on her. Deep worried lines ran across her face. Neil only nodded in response, solemn. "This can't be known outside us. We can't have bounty hunters or adventurer going in as well. There would be to much casualties. In this, the Circle is not wrong. Besides, that's no hazard they are sending you, am I wrong, Thomas?" "It was my thesis subject." To put it lightly. Thomas had been obsessed with it, had hunt every bit of information, seek obscure sources to understand the existence of this flower. He was kind of a specialist. Had tried to recreate it, too. Agrippa scrutinized him. She seemed to come to her own conclusions and nodded slightly. Her eyes went from one young alchemist to another. "I believe you two would be our best shot then. Let's fetch the Codex Code." She held a hand to steady herself on the trunk beside her. Maybe it was the tree she was steadying.

[myhoneststudyblr]

I’m a new studyblr, and I was wondering if you had any tips on studyblr in general? Do I have to make a studyblr intro or anything, and how would you recommend I get involved in the community? Thank you!

hi anon! first of all: WELCOME TO THE COMMUNITY!!!

thank you so much for reaching out and please feel free to message me or send me an ask any time!

here are some of my tips for a new studyblr:

make a studyblr intro post! 

this is very useful for a number of reasons: 

firstly, it allows you to introduce yourself and give your name (or nickname), interests and hobbies etc. this is really important in the studyblr community because at the end of the day we are all people and we want to meet others who share similar interests. you could also give your country (only if you are comfortable with this) if you want to find soem studyblrs to conenct with who are from your country/speak your language

secondly, it is a really good place to let people know what you are studying! i would suggest including the subjects you are studying and your level of study (eg uni or hs). this is helpful because people who study the sames things as you (or maybe did in the past) can reach out and you can build a mini support system! 

thirdly, it gives you the chance to tag the studyblrs that inspired you! this is useful because these studyblrs will usually reblog your post which allows you reach a wider bunch of people (who could then reach out to you for the reasons above). i personally always reblog any intro posts that i’m tagged in (and lots that i’m not) and i will check out the blog and have a look at your posts (and probably reblog a few or put them in my queue). also, just generally i always find it so nice to hear that my blog has inspired someone! i just makes my day

think of a tagging system!

this doesn’t have to be very complex just think about what you will tag on your posts so you can keep track of them (eg. you could tag posts that you reblog that you think will be useful in the future with #ref). i would especially recommend having a specific tag for your original content (for example my tag for this is #my notes) and/or your text posts (my tags for this are #sophie speaks and #me). it’s quite useful to put your tag for original content in your bio so people finding your blog can quickly find your original content

if your blog is a sideblog, let people know!

you don’t *have* to do this, however, i would personally recommend doing it because it can sometimes be confusing when i see people comment on my posts and it is a random blog that i’ve never seen before and isn’t even studyblr. often if i check it and look deeply, it is just the main blog of one of my mutuals. so i personally think it is quite useful to put your main blog in your studyblr bio (if it is a sideblog) so that people know that it is you when you comment/send asks etc. it also lets people know that you follow back through your main account

now for getting involved in the community:

send asks and messages to people!

you are already doing pretty well on this one considering you’ve sent me this ask! but i highly recommend sending asks to people, for example, if they reblog an ask game post or even just asking for some advice because they will start to recognise you as someone who is engaged with their blog and you could also learn something new about one of your favourite studyblrs! 

messages are also a great, slightly more personal, way to interact with people. it can be as simple as messaging people to tell them you love their blog, or again asking them for some advice. if they do a post about a test or exam that they have coming up, you could even message them good luck or ask how it went. i have had some amazing conversations with people through messages and it is a great way to meet new people 

just a reminder: always be respectful and polite in messages and asks to ensure that the community remains positive

reblog posts with a comment on their posts!

(or just add a comment, although this could be confusing if your studyblr is a side blog so just be warned [see above])

this is a really nice way to let people know you’ve seen their post and it is always nice to give feedback. a comment can be as simple as: i love your handwriting! or good luck in that test! but that simple message reaching out it so nice to get! also, reblogging is really helpful to blogs because it means more people see the post

join a challenge!

ok, so i’ve had this blog for about a year and a half now and i had a pretty decent amount of followers (which i seriously do not understand XD) but i never got the same amount of interaction and involvement in the studyblr community until i created my #2020 quarantine challenge (click here if you wanna find out about this). i would get reblogs and likes on posts but i don't think that i used to get nearly as much interaction with my posts with people leaving comments and stuff. furthermore, although i had blogs where we were technically mutuals, i didn’t really have mutuals like i do know where we actively keep in touch and check out each other’s posts all the time and stuff and that is honestly the nicest thing

challenges mean that you are most likely posting every day (or at the very least pretty regularly if you cannot manage every day) and this is good because you post lots of new content for people to discover. another great thing is that there is usually a tag that you can search for and scroll through and find others who are doing the challenge alongside you. the person who created the challenge also probably checks the tag out every few days and reblogs the posts 

for these reasons, i cannot highlight how amazing challenges are for interaction and getting involved in the community!

(btw, this isn’t just a self promo for my own challenge - although i would love for you to join in cause i love seeing what everyone posts - it is just that this is the challenge that i am currently involved in and i know is going on right now! i also know that @stu-dna (amazing studyblr for the record - you shoudl defintely follow) has done a few challenges in the past which have been so fun even though i was really bad at keeping up with them XD so check out her blog so you’ll know if she does another one!)

These are all the things i can think of right now! i really hope this was helpful and is you have any questions, or want me to explain anything further, just send me another ask and i’ll do my best to help! 

- Sophie xxx

P.S. >  let me know what your studyblr is and i’ll definitely check it out 

[drama-and-tv]

First half of 2020 tv shows/dramas completed

SO apparently, my original blog “may contain sensitive media” (how my original blog contains them, I have no idea because I don’t think I have ever written nor posted anything that is inappropriate) so here I am, making a new one even though there are just so so many thoughts I poured in that blog since the beginning of 2018. 

I wish I could put all of the contents from there here. But since I don’t know how to do that, I shall only put up my thoughts on the things that I have completed watching this year (2020) that I have put up from there.

With that being said, here they go... most of them in the original words that I had typed/written from last time. My only change will be the rating (now I shall use the numerical rating since I have figured how to rate things properly in numbers now) :

Season 2 of Sex Education was such a delight to watch! While I do feel that it lacks some Otis and Maeve’s interactions (and wtf is that cliffhanger?), I feel that the other characters are given the opportunity to flesh out and have really good story lines. Definitely a step up to Season 1!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Bad news: The third part/season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is the worst part of the show that I’ve watched so far. Good news: I still somewhat like it.

The main issue of this new-released part is how messy it is story wise. There are far too many things going on that it felt a little bit too chaotic - like there’s the Pagan storyline, there’s that Faustus storyline etc etc. It’s just too much.

What makes me still enjoy it is because of its characters. I am attached to the characters and I wanna see their journeys in this show. For instance, Ambrose and Prudence are probably the standouts in this season because they are just super badass here.

Overall, it’s okay. I would still watch this show when the new set of episodes are released.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Chocolate would’ve been better or ranked higher if they cut down the number of episodes - from 16 to maybe just 8.

Despite its melodramatic tone and ridiculous story line, I actually really enjoyed the initial episodes. I mean okay, the time jumps are a bit too much but I was sold on the emotions and the characters. It’s a melodrama, for crying out loud - it’s not meant to be realistic.

But then, for some unknown reason, it got draggy around the second half of the drama. And it affected my love for the drama. It was like they put a brake on the main plot and save for it the last episode (which it did).

This does not mean that it’s not a good drama. For the most part, I actually enjoyed it and I was invested in the characters’ journeys.

Just that it could be better.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Honestly, Black Dog was not a drama I thought of watching. The posters and the plot did not make me feel compelled to watch it because for some reason, I thought this drama would be something like those corruption dramas or corporate dramas - while I can enjoy those kind of dramas, I do have to be in the ‘mood’ to watch them.

It was only when I started seeing some gifs/images over Tumblr that I started to consider it. And when more and more people raved about it, I knew that I just have to check it out.

And just like what these people said, it was good. A really good drama, actually! I think what I love about this drama is how realistic it really is. I like that I can actually relate to the world and the characters in the drama. While Haneul and I don’t share the same type of field, I can empathise with her struggles in obtaining/maintaining her employment and sitting for the certification exam. I can empathise with how she tries to navigate the world of school and teaching.

All I know is I have definitely cried or teared up in some of the episodes. (that’s really a feat cause the last time I cried like this in a tv show/drama is season 3 of Anne with an E and we all know how I feel about that show.)

I also love how there is a good balance between drama and comedy in this drama. While this is primarily a drama, I like that it doesn’t feel heavy. It makes it easier to watch multiple episodes in one sitting.

If there is one minor problem with this drama, it is that it feels like the main drama ends with 12 episodes and the remaining 4 episodes are the epilogue or extra episodes. While the remaining 4 episodes are still pretty good, it has somewhat cooled my love for this drama. However, I do appreciate it and it gives a good look at what happened after Haneul’s first year of teaching.

With that, I have contemplated on whether to give this drama the best rating I could give in the drama or the second best. Considering that there is barely any flaw in this drama, I shall give it...

FINAL RATING: 10/10

Season 2 of Kingdom did not disappoint. It maintained the same energy and intrigue that it brought in the previous season. There’s the excitement, there’s the high-quality production and there’s never really a chance for it to falter or drag. Its pacing remains consistent and I remain hooked to the end. I also like that this show does not end in an agonising cliffhanger - it wraps up the main plot that was introduced in the first season and at the same time, teases on what is to come in the possible season 3.

Overall, a really good season!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

I gotta admit, Crash Landing On You was a pretty nice watch! I initially had quite low expectations for this drama - I have hard time being truly engaged in big budget romcoms because they tend to be unrealistic and too fluffy (and I like my dramas pretty realistic).

But to my surprise, I actually really like it. The episodes (particularly the first half of the drama) were candies to the mind and to the eye! Yes, this drama is hella trope-y and there’s a lot of moments which are very unrealistic and are there to be flashy and amp up the romance. But you know, something about this drama just works.

Of course, like a lot of k-dramas, the second half of the drama is less addictive to watch. But it was still a pretty good watch. I mean, it got my mum really addicted and my brother to finally watch a k-drama beyond Kingdom after all these years.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

For someone who doesn’t know shiz about baseball, Stove League was still a very good drama to watch. It has that underdog story (in this drama, the under-performing baseball team for 2 years in a row, Dreams) that makes it easy to root for. It remained tight and consistent throughout its run. Its tone is very balanced - has good balance of serious and comic relief.

And most importantly, it’s not very hard to like the characters that matter.

Overall, very solid drama!

FINAL RATING: 9/10

When the Weather is Fine is really a good drama to watch at the moment, during the midst of this current pandemic. Even though initially (the first episode) it did not win me over due the drama’s slow pace, I gradually enjoy watching it regardless of its pace and eventually, I was hooked.

This drama has a very calming and “healing” aspect to it even though the subjects dealt can be serious. I like that even though there’s some serious issues here, the drama remains well-balanced and still has plenty of light-hearted scenes. Lim Hwi (the male lead’s younger sister) is definitely my favourite character in this drama as she brings a lot of sunshine to the table with her innocent teen self. Also, the comforting presence of the community (whether it being the Good Night Book Club member or the people/families in the neighbourhood etc) along with naturally serene setting make the drama feels warm.

With that, I recommend watching this drama, especially to anyone who wishes to seek comfort and feel warm.

FINAL RATING: 8/10

Netflix’s Never Have I Ever was an unexpected treat for me. I did not know the existence of this show prior to its release. I did not see any of its promos/trailers etc. So there was no expectations whatsoever prior to watching it.

My brother and I only happened to stumble upon it when trying to find something to watch on Netflix. So you can say that this was a present that came out of nowhere because as soon as I just went into it (within the first few minutes), I already really like it!

This show was funny. It was relatable as someone who comes from an Asian background. And most importantly, it has plenty of hearts. Trust me, I was tearing up when watching the last two episodes of this season (I sincerely hope that the show will be renewed for the next season).

Definitely a really nice show to binge quickly as it only has 10 half-hour episodes.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

Find Me in Your Memory was a pretty decent watch. Yes, it is a very standard kdrama in the sense that the plot is very very generic and there are so so many obvious tropes here. However, its characters and the chemistry of the main leads still made it worth a look. This drama might not be the most unforgettable or unique drama out there, but it is very easy to watch and it makes a good addition to anyone’s watchlist if you want something straightforward and not complicated.

FINAL RATING: 6/10

Man, A Piece of Your Mind could have easily been this perfect drama that I’ve ever watched this year had it only retained its original length. It is not to say that this drama is not good - it is as of now, actually one of the top dramas among the dramas I’ve watched this year.

This drama basically fits the type of drama I typically love: a realistic drama which examines more on its characters and focuses on emotions etc. Yes, I know people have complained that it is very slow but to me, that was part of its charm. I love slowly getting to know its characters and how they are feeling etc. I like being emotionally connected to them and follow on their journeys.

So I’m just sad the drama was cut from 16 episodes to 12 (reason being because of its low number of audiences). While the drama did its extreme best in making it work and it does not affect the main plot of the drama other than speeding things up nor does it really diminish my enjoyment for this drama, I’m just sad on what could’ve been if they were able to keep the extra 4 hours to the story. Like, we could’ve gotten better exploration on the characters etc (especially for instance that character who was played by the evil mother in law from Search: WWW and the Eunjoo’s Homestay residents and even frigging Hoon, Hawon’s colleague... like why was he even in the grandma’s house in the countryside?) . Things would’ve been more... organically unfold.

Despite all this, I still really enjoy watching this drama and I still remain invested in the characters’ journeys etc. Our main leads’ relationship feels warm and comforting. The vibe of this drama is just my kind of taste. And most importantly, I feel comforted watching it until the end.

FINAL RATING: 9/10

With that being said, those are some of the shows/dramas that I have completed up until now. Others that I have completed are season 2 of The Sinner (5/10), ITV’s Belgravia (6/10), Netflix’s The Circle France (soooo entertaining with plenty of drama and strategies, 8/10), season 18 of American Idol (8/10) and most recently, Netflix’s Extracurricular (I will eventually share my thoughts on it soon).

Stay tuned.

[thatlittledandere]

Media hyperfixation: Boueibu! 📌, ✨, 🎶, 💕, 🏳️‍🌈 and 💎

Yessssss

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

Tumblr. Someone I originally followed for... Sailor Moon I think? posted an edit with the SC in flower crowns. Shortly after there was a promo post of sorts (you know those “omg watch this and here’s why” lists). It looked hilarious, and I watched the first two episodes on a whim. I knew I would love it within five minutes.

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

I fell in love with the humor. Aside from that, I love how the the monsters and their complexes or problems that lead to them being turned into monsters set a theme for the episode, and the DC’s idle talks are always around the same subject. And especially in s1 all the loveless felt so real! Comically exaggerated of course, but deep down they dealt with realistic issues. I saw myself in many. And I love how, at the end of the day, the most important form of love that Boueibu promotes is self love! Some of Yumoto’s speeches seem to contradict each other, and they do, because the show acknowledges that there is no catch-all answer to the question of happiness and self-fulfillment! Everyone has different needs! It’s neat!! Man, do I have a lot of thoughts about s1 loveless.

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

Full of bangers and bops, here’s a non-comprehensive list: I refuse to rank the op-ed’s. Never Know and Why So Cool feed my emo soul. Narukoryu-kabu de Moukeru Houteishiki (god I hope I got that right) has swing. Brother Lover Rapper is RAP. IT’S BOUEIBU AND IT’S RAP. WHAT MORE COULD I WISH FOR? LITERALLY?? IT COMBINES TWO OF MY PASSIONS. Sync a Think is an ioryuu anthem. Does your ship have an official anthem?? I could make my brother listen to Idols no Shinjitsu and he would like it blissfully unaware that it’s from an anime OST (has anyone figured out what the lyrics are yet..?)

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

I’ve rambled about Ibushi enough tolast for a life time but who cares! Who am I if not THE Ibushi stan? You enabled this.

I still don’t know WHY I fell for him so bad but doesn’t matter. First anime character I called my husband. Unfailingly loyal, polite and patient but not without snark, passive-aggressive at times, knows when to pull punches and when not to, great backstory for his molluscophobia, deep velvety voice, tall dark and handsome, best oneliners, observant (contrary to what a popular fandom meme would have you believe). Criminally underused. You know there’s something amiss when a character SHINES in the side canons but could be completely removed from the main canon with minimal consequences to the story.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

At this point I can’t NOT see Yumoto as autistic. He has a “unique way of thinking”, he has special interests (animals), the cuddling is a sensory thing (he needs some kind of physical contact a lot), he stims (remember when ioryuu were giving each other the silent treatement and Yumoto, to quote Atsushi, “resorted to repetitive movement” and was so engrossed in it he didn’t even notice right away that Wombat was removed from his arms), he has routines (again, a certain number of cuddles), he minmaxes at school (zeroes in Japanese due to the aforementioned “unique thinking” but can allegedly tell the area of a shape by looking, so clearly he excels at geometry), he has trouble catching some social cues and conventions. That boy is autistic, y’all.

I have my sexuality and gender headcanons as well, but nothing so “important” I wouldn’t be able to adjust different interpretations for fics or whatever. Like my Ryuu is always 100% bisexual babeyyyy but if someone prefers him as gay that’s right-o, I’ve talked about ace Ryuu before, and I can even deal with him being honestly straight (bonus points if Io is still in love with him. One-sided pining train here we GOOOOO). I generally headcanon Io as demisexual, but have written him as gay as well. Is En gay or pan? Why can’t we have both? I’m flexible. But Yumoto is autistic, amen.

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

In s2 ep1 the DC talk about hourglasses. Ryuu seems to think saunas often have them, to which Io mentions he has a friend with a Finnish sauna in their home. First of all, this indicates Io has friends outside the Defense Club, which I still cannot believe after four years. Pics or it didn’t happen, Io. Secondly, and this is where I’m actually going with this, Finnish saunas do not have hourglasses in them. Why the hell would they? Not saying you CAN’T or SHOULDN’T but why WOULD you have an hourglass in a sauna?? I’m Finnish. Pretty much every Finnish home has a sauna. So does each swimming hall, usually more than one on both men’s and women’s sides of the showers. My family are sauna enthusiasts even by Finnish standards. I do consider myself an authority on this. I’ve been to, who knows, dozens of saunas in the 24 years I’ve lived on this Earth. Never seen an hourglass in my life. I’ve asked around, neither has anyone else I know. This unimportant throwaway line BOTHERS ME. Sauna is an integral part of Finnish culture. If you had to sum up the entirety of Finland in one word or one concept it would be sauna. You can’t just go around making lies. Sure there are saunas in many other countries and cultures as well and naturally they vary, but what the hell. What the shit and fuck. Look me in the eyes. I’m not joking.

media hyperfixation asks I promise to chill if you send in any more

[irrealisms]

i hope you don’t mind me asking, but do you have any other suggestions of fanfiction surrounding being crazy or dead dove stuff?

i don’t mind anyone asking me anything, really! as long as it’s in good faith i really love talking to my followers.

(--also, you should watch nbc hannibal if you haven’t. it’s not fanfiction but it’s all about being crazy and dead dove stuff.)

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so uh first of all have a shameless self-promo! my taz fic mostly isn’t good but i like a lot of my silm stuff and all of my tma stuff. (i’m sure this’ll change when i get better again, lol.) i only have one wktd fic but it’s about interpreting the yellow ending through a crazy lens alongside the more obvious gender one, and remains Solid. particular recs: watch the blood evaporate; your body is not a word; sweating out the poison; in the indigos of darkness; melt, thaw, resolve; what you sow.

my friend grace @consumptive-sphinx​ also writes fic; i really highly recommend all their mordred/galahad if you have feelings about religion or being crazy, which, lbr, you’re following this blog, you probably do. (my favorites are ‘and i am this great unstable mass of blood and foam’ and ‘the line i called the horizon’, but they’re all excellent.)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2591090 is a hannibal fic I really enjoy that deals heavily with the ableism themes in the source material.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5648155 : this fic shaped my maedhros characterization in a huge way. lots and lots of extreme trauma and responding to extreme trauma in horrifying yet sympathetic ways.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/816969 : some lovely arthuriana fic with deeply sympathetic crazy characters.

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uuuuuuunfortunately there is not enough content in this general genre that i....like. i’m picky. but i’ll do my best to keep throwing stuff out that is at least adjacent to what you asked for, lol.

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/22015792 : if you’re in the tma fandom you’ve probably read this already. still! it’s good! canon-typical autistic and suicidal s4 jonathan sims, with a side of sickfic.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23639734/chapters/56737945 : by @spiralise​ ; s4 jon gets michael to gouge out his eyes. things....... proceed, from there.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16053173 : s3 jondaisy. exactly as dead dove as you would expect, given that.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24496135 : some lovelystrange prose about the distortion

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836588 : surprisingly sweet, decidedly not SSC, filled me with an odd sense of longing; s4 platonic jondaisy kink

https://archiveofourown.org/series/31514 : this one iiiiis kind of embarassing; it’s bbc sherlock fic (i know) that i first read when i was 12. that said, it’s a series about drug addiction by a drug addict, and it still contains some of the most poignant writing on the subject that i’ve read. i recommend reading Constant and then, if you like it, reading Can’t Rewind Now I’ve Gone Too Far.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/365474 : another one i liked when i was Real Small; undertale fic about frisk & chara sharing a body in a post-pacifist route, with a focus on chara’s suicide attempts.

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aaaaand a couple recs from friends that i haven’t read and therefore cannot vouch for:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16597067/chapters/38896691

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13379073/chapters/30641736

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if you’re reading this and you have further recs for anon, feel free to give them!

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

4.

Stretching my body out sighing out, that was a nice stretch. Looking up to the ceiling smiling to myself, since I have had my scan, found out I am seven weeks which was a week ago so now I am eight weeks. I have heard the heartbeat and I feel the connection, I feel I have someone with me through this journey even though I am alone in a way, but I am not, I have baby Fenty with me. Pushing the covers off of me and getting up out of bed, my smile grew seeing my scan picture. I rest it up on the side table so I can look at it and fall asleep with my baby scan facing me, I am incredibly happy now. I have accepted it and it’s the best thing that has happened to me, I am literally on a high right now but slightly tired. We came to California, arrived last night. I am getting the Humanitarian of the Year award with BET, I could have sent a video, but I just said I will just come here and get the award, then I can go New York, see my workers. Get some work done in New York and then my photoshoot for the promo, do my promo video shoot for Fenty Beauty and then go to Mexico to finish off the lingerie shoot I was doing, all before I become big when I then have to hide behind a camera, unless I get a double chin before then, I will have to wear a mask. The reason I wanted to come and get the award myself, it’s because this bitch is going into hiding, I won’t be getting nothing for nobody or doing anything so I thought why not give the fans some pictures and a little run on the red carpet. I am lucky, lucky in the sense that my body is not making big changes so fast because I won’t be able to deal if that happened.

Standing at the side staring at myself in the mirror, there is a slight pouch to me, ever so slightly but this is another one for the books. Taking a picture in the mirror of me standing to the side with my stomach out, I want to keep it for myself. This will probably be my only baby, I mean I am not going to find a man and if I am bad now, I will be worse after this because of my child, men out there are very weird. Moving my hand and letting my long tee fall, looking at the picture of me. I am very happy about this, I had to accept it which took time to do but I got there and now I am happier than ever. My aim is to do everything before The Diamond Ball, that is when the world will find out because I can’t hide it, by then I will be embracing it and ready for the world to know. I have all of this planned out, just that one thing I am not sure where to add and that is Chris. Where do I put him, where do I include him in this because as much as I am not ready for it, the world isn’t. I love him, I can openly say that but he’s a mess. I laughed at him stalking me, but I am doing it to him now, I am watching him and seeing what he is doing and what quote he put up. Every post on Instagram is the most negative bullshit about his aura, nobody cares. He is searching for something he can fix, himself and I hate it for him, but I can’t fix him and help myself. Chris is a worry because I do want to tell him, in the right setting.

My mom be feeding me “I am done” pushing the plate back “you eating for two Robyn” I chuckled at my mom, her face is ever so serious “I know but my baby is tiny right now, it just needs a little bit. As long as mommy is ok, baby is ok. I have never felt so happy, inside I am happy. I feel whole because I have wanted this” Rorrey rolled his eyes “why do I need a dad when I have you” kissing my teeth “he is going to be the first one in love, trust me” Jen pointed out “you women all say this, I will be in the living room playing games” he got up from the chair “it’s so good to see you like this, because I was scared you was going to jump into getting rid of it, to see you so vibrant and happy. It’s just nice to see” Mel has come back from Barbados and is with us in California, which I am happy about “I was scared Mel, I was so scared to think what I have got myself into, I didn’t feel in control but god is guiding me and I will get better with it. I am not perfect, and I will make mistakes, I am not perfect. I wish I was perfect, as a mother to be, I will make the mistakes” I know I will make mistakes “what about the father? You’re in Cali, he is here also” I feel like all eyes are on me now, Mel had to do this “I may be feeling good in myself about this baby but I still need time to tell him mentally, he is fighting demons on his own and I see it. I don’t know if you girls look on his Instagram, I remember when his page was all fine, he was good and now he’s just dark with his words and I am seeing things I don’t like. I want to help him, but I have to help myself, I am thinking can he handle this because every time I am with him, close to him or people see it. He gets abused about it like I need protection, it hurts me to see it. No matter how much I tell the world I am ok they do it to him, this can mentally put you down. I am trying to find peace within me to help him as I am pregnant, I just don’t know. I want him to be ok with this. I mean even I got subjected to abuse about it, it’s a lot and I am just trying to find the right balance” clasping my hands together “I will tell him, that is all I can tell you” he worries me, his mental state does. And then I see him with whippets, he is doing drugs and I am just put off, I don’t want to say that either. I just need to gather myself; I will do it though and he will know, and I will be able to help guide him or we argue together about it all but it can go either way for both of us “I suppose, you ain’t a nobody he got pregnant so this will be a big deal. It does need to be handled right” I am glad they are on board and realise it is a big thing for the both of us, it’s just got to be done right.

Jen walked into the bedroom “what happened?” she asked, she is asking because I have now gone back into bed and I feel terrible all over again “pregnancy” I mumbled “you were ok before, but anyways. Jahleel wants you out soon to get dressed, I mean you will be late there. We have two bodyguards; Frank has arrived, and we got Rich. Extra security for you, it needs to be done. I want you to be extra careful, you are sensitive so mind yourself” nodding my head “stop looking so grumpy and besides, pregnancy can do that to you, one minute fine and the next miserable” poking my lips out “I have nobody to hug me in bed” I mumbled staring at Jen “well here I am! Your cuddle buddy has arrived” I smiled watching Jen walk around the bed “hold me, make me feel all warm” I smiled to myself, I just need a good cuddle in bed “you’re just worrying, that is all. Stressing yourself out” Jen said feeling the bed move behind me “I suppose, but I am happy. Just need a moment to myself to gather my thoughts and stuff” Jen is so annoying, she is giggling all up in my ear “stop it” I giggled “come here, my little baby want snuggled” Jen held me from behind “you’re not the hug I wanted, I regret it” I really do now “awww you have the scan on your side table, it has your forehead already. We already winning” smiling to myself looking at the baby scan, I swear to god she is annoying, Jen touched my boob “they feel sore yet, wait till these little babies start feeling sore. You about to feel even more moody” she is not the best cuddle buddy at all.

Why am I hating this, sat here staring at myself in this mirror is making me feel insecure “does my face look fat to you?” I asked Priscilla, I feel it “bloated as fuck” Yusuf shouted from across the room “wait what!” I turned in the chair ever so quickly “woah, calm down. I could have poked your eye out there, Yusuf laughed to himself “you are so gullible, you look beautiful stop it. Your hair is looking shinier though. I like it” Yusuf is such a bitch “whatever” turning in the chair “are you done?” Priscilla eyeballed me “I do not want a lawsuit if I poke your eye out, now can we all relax?” I sighed out “I am ok” I am not really; I feel like shit. In the morning I was so happy, felt so good in myself. Then I felt like I wanted to be sick and now I am self-conscious, I am ok. My people say I am fine so I must be fine “we need to hurry up sis, like you about to be so late” Ja said at the side of me “well what is new?” waving him off “what is new? Girl, you about to be rushed in, I want bitches to faint when they see on the red carpet, you hear that? The red fucking carpet. This like my last award show I be doing, can we not?” he has a point “Rihanna finally quitting music?” Yusuf said laughing in the background “wait until your fans bully you” rolling my eyes.

Smirking at Jahleel, I feel bad that I haven’t told Yusuf or Pricilla “is this Vodka? Since when?” Yusuf pointed out “since now, I have changed” I lied “let me taste then? We aren’t having you back out now! You always do this, we taking this together” moving the shot glass frowning at him, Jahleel put water in it, I am so glad I have him to do it “shut up” he is playing “let’s just do this then I can leave” watching them clink shot glasses and I joined in with them, I gasped “Yusuf!” I screamed out “this bitch lied!” hitting his arm “ok, look. There is a reason to this!” I shouted “she is on a water diet” Jahleel said like that makes a difference now I got caught “no way, my girl loves a glass of wine” Jahleel mouthed I tried “I should tell you both anyways, I need my team on board and I will see you both here and Dennis, wherever he is. Dennis. Come here because I will need you all eventually again. This has to be secret, like kept in here but then again you all are good at that” Yusuf has the judgemental look on his face “what did you do now” he crossed his arms “me? Nothing but” I breathed out, I mean there is no reason to hide this from these when they will be there with me “well, I am pregnant” I said smiling before hearing crash of glass hit the floor “Yusuf!” I shouted “no, you’re lying?” he said in disbelief “I promise you; I am pregnant. This is why Ja and I have been arguing back and forth about the timings, this will generally be my last time to do anything related to red carpet for a long time. It’s about to be about me and my baby” Yusuf looks so scared but I think he is in disbelief “you always said the sperm donor is coming and you did it” Dennis hugged me “I am so happy and I can’t wait to do the pregnancy photoshoot with you!, I have ideas now” I cooed “but I know the dad anyways” Priscilla hugged me “so happy for you, you deserve this. You really do” they are so sweet “oh, who is it?” Yusuf is like ready for a storm “I will sue all of you but I trust you all, so uhm. He doesn’t know yet, it was a drunk thing. It’s Chris’ baby” I admitted “Hemsworth?” Daniel said “would I be drunk with him? But Chris Brown” Yusuf let out a shriek, staring at him “you are pregnant with Chris Brown’ child? Rihanna what the fuck have you been doing!?” Ja is nodding his head like I told you so “a lot, clearly but it’s a mess and I am sure you all are ready for the ride?” Yusuf laugh “bitch I am shook, but I am ready. Come here you crazy fucking bitch” Yusuf hugged me close “you about to be a beautiful milf, I am here for it baby” I chuckled at Yusuf saying that but he is not wrong, I will be that now.

I wore something revealing, I thought why not because I can right now. I am wearing a satin robe over a plunging playsuit which showed off my toned legs. High heeled strappy sandals and a chunky pendant necklace completed my look, and my long black hair curled and tied up in a loose updo. I am ready for this “am I even ok to go on the red carpet? Like am I that late?” I hope not, I want to show off my legs “we are going to show you off, don’t you worry” Ja said, oh the carpet is still kind off full “your mom said for you to just go in from the back?” Frank said in the front “my mother worries too much it is ok; she needs to stop worrying. Thank god she is at home” rolling my eyes, she is fussing. The SUV came to a halt and Rich came out of the SUV in front, watching him run over to the SUV “I don’t want everyone fussing now, I mean it” I am ok, they will know if I need help or not. The SUV door opened; Rich held his hand out to me. Grabbing his hand as I got out “you look so beautiful, oh my god!” Taraji came out of nowhere “thank you” I said smiling at her, looking behind me at Mel getting out.

Mel laughed at me, I don’t find her funny “this is why I don’t come” I said in a whisper “it’s just you, sitting with the Cash Money record team, it’s nice to see” I laughed shaking my head, I am sat next to Lil Wayne which is fine because he is not here, but just behind me on the left of me I have Drake and I have Chris here too, I did see him with another shade of colour on his head but it was quick. He didn’t see, I saw him “don’t you think the girls here are a hot mess, like this whole place is a hot mess” me and Mel are just bitching “They be wearing things just to wear them, I mean is this a strip club” Mel laughed “says you, looking like you going to some sex club for rich men” hitting Mel’ leg “I think hot mess was on the cards, chile” looking ahead of us “I am blessed, I am so blessed to be sitting next to the queen, my queen. How are you?” getting up from my seat “I am good, when I heard I am sitting with you, I asked to move. Not going to lie” Lil Wayne looked at me offended as fuck “come on now, I will be good. Promise, you know I appreciate you” sitting down on my seat laughing “you better be good” I rather sit in the back but here I am, all in the front like I asked for this, maybe I shouldn’t have worn this.

Some unknown dude called NAV is performing, my time to go to the toilet “you coming” I said as I got up, this is my toilet break “yes I am” Rich came out of nowhere “I am just going to the toilet” I laughed at him “I will walk you” seeing from the corner of my eye, Drake is coming “yes, let’s go this way” turning on my heels “watch out” hearing Drake say, oh the camera is conveniently here “you good?” he hugged Mel first, he knows I don’t care for it “nice seeing you” Mel said, maybe I should go the other way. Drake looked at me “like old times, we should have performed work together if you was coming” I nodded my head smiling, he didn’t hug me which is good of him “I need the bathroom” I pointed at him before walking off “the bathroom is that way” he pointed the opposite side “I didn’t know you got a new job of directing people now” hitting his arm to move out of the way, I caught him licking his lips before walking by Rich to go “hey!” Cardi rushed over to me “your legs look so good, bitch!” hugging her laughing “thank you, I regret it now. I cold” I laughed it off, but I am being deadass about this.

I wonder if I will have a girl, I really would like a daughter but I don’t for either because this is a blessing, like praise Jesus, I am blessed but if it’s a girl, that would be beautiful for me. She will be my bestie forever “Rihanna!” hearing my name, looking up like a deer caught in headlights. I am so confused “get up” Mel said as she got up to clap, oh this is me. I am so lost because I rather sit and daydream of my baby now, I laughed looking around “thank you” I didn’t want to walk alone either but here I am, alone but it’s whatever. Walking by the crowd jus clapping for me “Rih” Rich came up behind me, he held my hand as I went up the stairs “thank you” smiling at him, he is coming out of everywhere today “thank you so, so, so much” hugging Debra “thank you so much” I said to her but I do not remember a single word she said, turning around to the crowd and seeing the standing ovation, this will always get me shy “thank you” I laughed down the mic, even though theses lights are shining in my eyes I can still see Chris from here, his multicoloured self just there, waiting for them to sit down before I started.

I blew out air as I was helped down by Rich, I am glad that is done and it is a commercial break “you looked great up there” Mel said “thank you, I felt nervous” Mel held my hand, everyone is walking around because it is a commercial break “I want to go now, I am just done now” I pulled a face “let’s go this way” Rich led the way, I guess Rich knows a quicker way out for us “Chris is here, why don’t you tell him that you have something to tell him. This is your chance” Mel said in my ear, is Mel crazy staring at her like she is crazy “he is right there, just say it” Mel dragged me, Chris is speaking to Usher but I caught him looking at me and he looked away so quickly, he knows I caught him but he looked away in annoyance, I know him and he seems angry and he’s probably angry I told him to go that night. It’s like everything was in slow motion, Chris moved back from Usher, he is staring at me and I am staring at him as I am being dragged to him. Slowly I see a smile form on his face, am I really doing this “come” Rich blocked my view and stood in front of Chris “let’s go before it gets busy again” Rich moved and Chris’ smile disappeared, Mel let my hand go thinking I am saying anything “hey” that was it “hi” walking by him, that was so awkward for us and I just fucked that up but I was put on the spot.

I am glad to be in the SUV “what happened to you saying Chris I have something to tell you, come to the apartment?” Mel is annoyed with me, but I was put on the spot “I freaked out Mel, he seemed to be so mixed with emotions. Like he was angry, annoyed and happy. Only thing we said was hey and hi, it was all awkward and I felt like everyone was watching us, it’s not the setting, I am not ready to deal with Chris” I wish they just let me live, let me just do this how I want it “he smiled because it looked like we was walking towards him, you need to get over people seeing you both speak. You sharing a whole ass child, the public going to have a field day with you both” she has a point but that is my issue to get used to that.