#i am unlikely to ever post anything like this again just because i also have better things to do

[tidal-chaos]

the online system community sucks so bad lmao

[demonpiratehuntress]

I am actually so mad. I was working on this and for some reason it didn't save correctly and ended up posting a blank draft while deleting the stuff I had already written! I'm so sorry it took so long, @tiaramarijadhkxdyi755, but here it is! i hope this is close to what you wanted, because i wasn't sure how to go about it 🙈

taglist - @kabloswrld

patience with the Straw Hats

featuring - Zoro x F!Reader, Luffy x F!Reader, Sanji x F!Reader, Usopp x F!Reader

summary - the ask above

warnings - mean/careless/neglectful Straw Hats, im sorry, i changed Luffy's and Usopp's because I don't imagine them ever screaming at or getting angry with their s/o 💕

ZORO

Zoro has a short fuse, and that's common knowledge. Everyone knows just how grumpy and aggressive he can be after a hard fight or a difficult day training. He's snapped at everyone more than once, but you seem to take the brunt of it since you're the closest to him, and today was no different.

"For fucks sake just leave me alone!" Zoro could be heard yelling at you all throughout the Sunny. "You're too damn clingy and I don't need your help right now!" He stormed off.

You stood there in shock, having just asked him if he was okay, and taken aback by the response you had gotten. It wasn't unusual for him to be angry, but he was really upset today for some reason. You decided to give him space, but you had to admit you weren't really hurt or upset. More so disappointed that he had once again pushed you away.

"Zoro-"

"What?!" He snapped, glaring at you as you came up into the crow's nest with some food. "I'm not hungry, just leave."

"But-" You started, until he did something unexpected.

He smacked the food out of your hands, sending it all over your face. Your eyes widened and you stumbled back a bit, stunned.

"Okay, I'm sorry," you apologised, giving him a soft smile, "I'll have food in the room once you're ready to eat."

You waited a long time until Zoro finally entered your shared room, looking embarrassed and guilty about his outbursts today. He didn't say anything as he crossed the room and sat down beside you, but when he took your hand in his and brought it to his lips you knew he was apologising.

"It's okay," you smiled gently, "I'm not upset. Just disappointed that you won't let me help you."

"I know I know," he admitted. "I'll work on it, I promise."

"What made you so angry anyway?" You squeezed his hand.

He sighed, "You almost got hurt in our last fight because I was distracted. It's been haunting me, and I just don't want it to happen again. I snapped because I wanted to train harder instead of resting or eating, so I can properly protect you."

You smiled at him again, "But you always do, that was not your fault babe."

He was so grateful to have such a patient, understanding and loving girlfriend.

SANJI

Sanji usually never snapped at or yelled at you. He didn't ever want to, and never had any reason to. He was sweet, loving and doting just like you were, but unlike you he did have his days where he went against his promise to never lash out at you or hurt you in any way. Today was one of those days. Usopp had pulled him away from some girls who were fawning over him, and he was irritated.

"Why did you do that?" He glared at the sniper. "I was having fun."

"You also have a girlfriend," Usopp reminded him, gesturing towards you. He was nervous now, because Sanji looked pissed off.

"So?" The cook scowled. "I can appreciate and talk to other women without cheating on her!" He spoke like you weren't right next to him. "Right, (Name)?"

"Right," you smiled, a bit disappointed but not showing it.

Then he was off, returning to those women to apologise and your crew turned to you, looking at you quizzically. Nami set her hand on your arm reassuringly.

"It's okay," you told them with a smile, "It doesn't bother me."

Sanji then returned, but was quick to notice the disappointed look you had on your face. He was about to ask but you shook your head and kissed his cheek, continuing your exploration of the island.

"Okay what's your problem?" He suddenly asked, annoyed, when you looked disappointed at another interaction between him and a pretty woman.

Your eyes widened, "I'm not-"

He rolled his eyes, "I'm not stupid, (Name). You're obviously hiding the fact that you want to control my every move and stop me from ever talking to other women again."

That claim was so preposterous, you frowned, "I wouldn't-"

He quickly realised what he had said and his eyes widened, "No no no, my love I didn't mean that! I don't know why I said, I-I-" He fumbled for an excuse but sighed when he didn't have any. "I'm sorry, my love. Let me make it up to you, with your favourite dinner."

"Deal."

LUFFY

In all honesty, I don't see Luffy getting angry with or yelling at you. I think he's more of the neglectful type, when faced with certain situations like facing Boa Hancock out on the sea. She claimed she didn't know you guys would be there, but you're pretty sure she was stalking his movements. Luffy wouldn't listen though.

"It's okay, (Name)!" He replied cheerily when you voiced your concerns, "Hammock's really nice! And she has yummy food!"

And then he was off, leaving you to shake your head and sigh. You retired to your shared room, hoping that Luffy would eventually realise her intentions and come back.

He never did, and after a few hours you were starting to get lonely. So you ventured out to find him, only to see him giving her a tour of the Sunny.

"Luffy!" You called, but frowned when he seemingly ignored you as Hancock said something to him.

That was pretty much how the day went. You were ignored entirely by your boyfriend, simply because Hancock wouldn't let him pay attention to you. But you were disappointed in him too, for not telling her that you were dating and for not coming to spend time with you on his own.

When the day ended and Hancock retreated to her ship, bidding Luffy goodbye, the captain finally made his way to you. You weren't upset or sad, but Luffy could see on your face that you weren't feeling anything good.

"Are you alright, (Name)?" He questioned, hugging you.

"I'm disappointed, Luffy," you told him, but hugged him back and smiled anyway, happy to have him back.

"Disappointed?" He frowned. "Why?"

You sighed, "You didn't make any effort to come and see me for even a few minutes today. You spent the whole day with her. I'm not upset, because she helped you a lot, but I am disappointed that you ignored me."

He hugged you even tighter, "I'm sorry, (Name), really. We can spend the whole day together tomorrow!"

You smiled and nodded, not having the heart to tell him that's what you guys did everyday when Boa wasn't around.

USOPP

Usopp is another Straw Hat that I don't see getting angry or yelling easily. He's very patient with you, and he's understanding. He also doesn't have any aggravating circumstances, but the one thing he can be that disappoints you sometimes is careless. He can be very careless when it comes to what he says or does, because he usually acts on emotion.

And today, it seemed, he was missing his old crush Kaya. Because while you were shopping for clothes on one store, seeking to replace your torn and burnt ones, he kept yapping on about how Kaya had this and Kaya had that, and that hers were all real and genuine.

"I'm sorry I'm not Kaya, or as rich as her," you politely reminded him, not upset but starting to feel uncomfortable.

"It's okay!" He smiled, ignoring the subtle hint for him to stop talking about her. "I love you anyway!"

"Love you too," you smiled, but in your disappointment it didn't quite reach your eyes like it usually did. Still, you persevered, hoping he would stop by the next shop.

He did not.

"Kaya had something like this," he looked at the dress you were holding up, "But much prettier."

You frowned, again disappointed that he didn't like it. And that he had once again compared it to someone in his past that should be staying in said past.

Usopp noticed your expression, and his smile faltered, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you smiled, shaking your head, "It's just not my style."

His eyes widened, "Woah, (Name), I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, Usopp," you kissed his cheek, "Let's go, I think we're done."

"No we're not," he took the dress, "This will look so much nicer on you than Kaya."

You opened your mouth to say something, but giggled when he refused to let you and bought it for you, dragging you back to the Sunny so you could show him just how much prettier you were than Kaya.

[lucifersdickriderdotnet]

A Little Surprise

Summary: Through an unfortunate series of events, Lucifer has been transformed into someone much younger, much freakier, and much different. It's Mammon's job to take care of him. 5k words.

Disclaimer: NOT DEMONCEST. JUST BROS BEING BROS.

Notes: hey guys. This is my first ever (posted) Obey Me fanfic. If it's bad. No it's not. Baby Lucifer looks different because I headcannon that he did. If you disagree that's okay but I don't want to hear it. There are a lot of personal headcannons in here that you will have to pry from my cold dead hands. Also, Baby Lucifer is like, a freak. And vaugely autistic. (I'm so nervous about posting this please think it's good.)

“Run that by me one more time.” Mammon has his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the Demon Prince, heir to the Devildom Throne, with nothing less than malice in his eyes.

“It seems that there was a mishap involving him and Solomon.” Diavolo looks shy somehow, cowed. Even Barbatos looks wary. It’s rare for Mammon to get genuinely angry, rare for him to talk in any way that is not casual and lighthearted, and it’s rarer still for Lucifer to be absent.

“Yer aware that there ‘re very few curses that work on my brother?”

“Yes. I am– I am truly sorry, Mammon. I hadn’t realized that there would be this much trouble.”

“He’s only been tellin’ ya for ages how untrustworthy he finds Solomon.” Diavolo flinches back slightly, “But sure. ’S no way you coulda known.” Mammon can see Barbatos about to step in and defend his master, and he holds up a hand to stop it. Unlike his brother, Mammon holds no allegiance to either of them. His loyalty is to his brothers, he only cares for Diavolo because Lucifer does, and currently, there is no Lucifer.

“Just. Tell me where he is.” His arms are still crossed over his chest and they remain that way as he follows the two through the Castle. For once, he doesn’t even consider stealing anything, doesn’t flinch at the ghostly noises that filter through the halls, he just silently follows the two people who are supposed to be powerful enough to protect his brother. The two people who failed.

Unsurprisingly, the room that Diavolo had unofficially converted into a study for Lucifer is a mess. Mammon knows that Lucifer’s study at home isn’t exactly neat, but he also knows that his brother’s pride would never allow him to dirty someone else's home. Especially if that someone else is Diavolo. Still, he hadn’t expected the room to be in its typical pristine condition when he learned what had happened. Truthfully, he hadn’t expected there to be a room at all when he checked his D.D.D. and saw Diavolo’s name flash across the screen instead of Lucifer’s.

Standing in the corner of the room is Lucifer, although this Lucifer is much younger and much smaller and brighter, and standing in the opposite corner is Solomon, cowering and silent in a way that is entirely uncharacteristic. To be fair, Mammon would be cowering too if a fledgling Lucifer was staring at him. From what Mammon remembers hearing, before Michael was created, Lucifer was alone. It was just him and Father for a long time. Michael says Lucifer didn’t stop becoming off putting until Sariel was created, and even then he was weird.

“Who are you?” Lucifer’s voice is booming and loud and fills the whole room. He doesn’t open his mouth to speak and Mammon is hit with the sudden realization that he hasn’t learned he can yet.

“I’ve already told you! I’m a sorcerer! My name is Solomon and–”

“Lies.” Solomon flinches back at Lucifer’s words even though the latter hasn’t moved an inch. “Solomon is not born yet. He is to be a great king full of wisdom. You are not him. He does not exist.” Mammon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Lucifer.” His brother’s head turns slowly towards him.

“Who are you?” There’s the boom again, shaking the walls of the room, knocking trinkets older than Mammon off of the shelves.

“I’m… I’m yer brother, Mammon.” He takes a step towards Lucifer’s corner and watches and Lucifer’s wings fluff up to make himself bigger. He almost forgot how brilliant they were, all six of them, brilliant and white and pearlescent. He forgot a lot of things about his brother’s angelic form, apparently. Like how his eyes are an unsettling shade of blue, and the white-blonde of his hair. He forgot how much Lucifer changed when he fell, God’s favorite, disgraced for all eternity.

“I do not have those. Yet. I will be getting some soon.”

“Yeah, I know. Somethin’s wrong and everythin’s all topsy-turvy. I promise ‘m not lyin’ though.” He takes a step closer.

“My brother, you said?”

“Yup.”

“Hmm.” Lucifer eyes him, sizes him up and down as Mammon finally gets within touching distance. He knows that even in this much younger, much smaller form, he would lose in a fight to his older brother. He thinks Lucifer must know this, too. There is a moment of silence where the two stare at each other, before Lucifer walks closer to him and headbutts his hip.

“Thank you for finding me. I do not like it here.” The top of Lucifer’s head barely reaches Mammon’s waistline and he’s going to hate that everyone knows he used to be shorter than Luke. Mammon snorts, patting his head gently.

“Of course. Yer my brother after all. It’s my duty.” Lucifer nods resolutely and grabs Mammon’s hand. He’s cold, but then again, he is even as a demon, so that’s nothing new.

Lucifer does not acknowledge Diavolo as they leave, he doesn’t comment on the way Barbatos is most certainly a demon, and he doesn’t mention the demonic energy he can feel radiating off of Mammon. He simply steps through the portal Barbatos created and stays quiet.

–

Levi is currently pounding on Mammon’s door. Mammon owes him 500 Grimm for not telling Satan that he was the one who broke a shelf in the library and Levi intends to collect.

“Mammon! I know you're home! Open the door!” There's a lot of weird scuffling on the other side before the door opens a crack and he's met with a singular blue eye.

“What?”

“You owe me.” He watches that eye roll and the door shuts for a second before a hand is shoved through the crack and Grimm is being unceremoniously thrust at him.

“Here. Now go away.” The door shuts again and Levi stares at the colored wood and immediately pulls out his phone.

Everyone Except Mammon

Levi: guys. Mammon just paid me back.

Satan: ?????

Beel: maybe he finally came to his senses

Levi: it's Mammon

Beel: yeah okay

Levi: he also wouldn't let me in his room

Levi: like he didn't even open the door all the way

Levi: he only opened it a crack

Asmo: do you think he's hiding something?

Levi: it's Mammon 

Asmo: yeah okay 

Asmo: so what should we do? break in?

Belphie: we could ask Lucifer?

Levi: he's with Diavolo on business

Belphie: it's Mammon 

Levi: yeah okay

Levi exits the chat and opens his contact for Lucifer. He doesn't usually let it ring more than once when it's his brothers. He hates to be left out of the loop and worries for them even if he hates to admit it. Levi’s call goes to voicemail, so he tries again. And again. Lucifer doesn't pick up at all.

Levi: Lucifer isn't answering his phone

Asmo: what

Levi: I called three times

Satan: I didn't curse his phone this time 

Beel: Belphie?

Belphie: nope

Levi: should we call Diavolo?

Satan: no

Satan: we should ask Mammon

Levi pounds on the door again and is met with more cursing and shuffling on the other side of the door.

“Mammon? What's happening in there?”

“Mind your own business!”

“Your business is my business!”

Levi: he won't let me in

Belphie: then wait until he leaves and sneak in or smth 

Levi grumbles to himself and resolves to wait. Mammon is gonna get hungry eventually, his chance will come.

It takes longer than he wants for Mammon to leave his room, his own door cracked open so he can hear when Mammon’s door opens and shuts. He’s halfway through a boss battle in his latest RPG when it happens and he, regrettably, has to pause. Mammon won't stay out of his room for long, especially if he's hiding something, but it isn't hard for Levi to push open the door and shut it behind him and come face to face with Lucifer.

“Oh, shit.” Levi stands in front of the closed door and stares. Lucifer stares back, except it isn't the Lucifer he knows. He's not tall and imposing, he doesn't have freaky carmine eyes or jet black hair. He doesn't have four wings because he ripped all six off when he Fell and then two sets came back. No, instead his brother is short, shorter than Luke, and still imposing. His brother has bright blue eyes and white-blonde hair and six wings and he's younger than Levi has ever known him. Obviously, he snaps a picture.

“And who might you be?” His brother's jaw moved up and down like a puppet but his voice sounds like it's coming from inside of Levi’s mind. He forgot Lucifer could do that.

“Uh. I'm Levi. Leviathan. We're brothers.” Lucifer's expression doesn't change past its neutral state, but his wings flutter happily.

“I have many brothers? I must be very blessed.”

“You could, uh, you could say that, yeah.” He takes a step forward before deciding to sit on the couch. The door opens the second he does.

“Hey, tyke. I got some food–” Mammon stands, arms laden with snacks that are most definitely Beel’s as the door swings shut behind him.

“Hello, Mammon!” Lucifer's wings flutter again.

“Hey. Levi, what a surprise! Why are you in my room?” He walks over and dumps the snacks in front of Lucifer and he trills happily before ripping something open and chowing down.

“You were hiding something. So, I had to check.”

“What if I was hidin’ a girl in here or somethin’?”

“Except you aren't ‘hiding a girl in here or something.’ You're hiding Lucifer.” Levi gestures wildly towards him and then stands. “What did you do?”

“I didn't do anythin’. Diavolo called and when I got there he was like this.”

“He's a baby!”

“I'm aware!”

“I am not a baby.” They both jump at the volume of Lucifer's voice. “I am already thousands of years old.”

“You look like a baby,” Levi says

“I am older than your feeble mind could ever understand.” Lucifer crosses his arms across his chest. He sounds defensive, like he's had this argument with someone before. It's the most emotion he's displayed all day.

“Yeah, sure.” It's fun to tease Lucifer, and even better when they can get away with it. Levi opens his mouth to say something else when Mammon gives a loud sigh.

“This ‘s why I didn't tell any of ya. Yer all gonna use it to be mean to ‘im.”

“He deserves it.”

“He's literally an infant.”

“No I am not.”

“O’course you aren't,” Mammon soothes, “Yer very big and very strong.” Lucifer preens. And Mammon gives another sigh.

“Levi, get outta my room.”

“I just got here!” 

“Don't care. Get out.” Mammon starts pushing him towards the door, shoving him forward despite the fact that Levi is dragging his heels along the floor. He forgets how strong Mammon is sometimes.

“C’mon! Just let me stay in here! I didn't do anything–” The door shuts loudly in his face. He pulls out his D.D.D.

Levi: I figured out what Mammon was hiding

Asmo: and what might that be?

Levi: image sent

Asmo: holy shit

–

In an impressive show of restraint, none of the brothers come knocking on Mammon's door. He expects it, because Levi is a blabbermouth and his brothers are nosy, yet it doesn't happen. Instead, he gets to spend the next hour trying to get Lucifer to talk normally instead of that weird way he used to communicate with Father. He is mostly unsuccessful.

“We'll work on it.” Lucifer frowns at him, a perfectionist even as a child.

“I would like to leave this room.” He says, and it sounds a little more normal.

“What if, and hear me out, we didn't do that?”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“I do not like that answer.” Mammon groans and flops backwards on his couch. Damn Solomon and damn Diavolo for getting him into this mess. And while he's at it, damn Lucifer for being such a weirdo.

“Mammon, please?” Lucifer leans over him until his blue eyes are boring right into Mammon's. He doesn't think Lucifer blinks for a straight minute.

“Yer gonna go out regardless of if I say it's cool or not, aren't ya?”

“Indeed.”

“Fine,” he sits up and rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms, “I'll take you to the music room.”

“Music? That sounds wonderful.”

“Yeah, yer a big fan. Well, you are normally.”

“Let us go.” Lucifer’s wings flutter again and Mammon wonders when his brother learned to add inflection into his voice, when he learned to use his facial expressions. He wonders if it ever gets tiring for him to use them now, if he's ever exhausted by the effort it takes to be himself.

Mammon trods down the hallway and Lucifer floats behind him.

“It is dark here.”

“Yeah, we hadta move.”

“I see.”

They enter the music room without much fanfare except Satan is there playing the piano. Lucifer sways happily to the music and floats over to Satan.

“Hello. This is beautiful. What are you playing?” Mammon stifles a laugh at the way Satan nearly jumps out of his skin. Lucifer isn't speaking directly into minds anymore, but it does sound like a disembodied voice is speaking just a little too loudly right next to your ears.

“You've never heard of a piano before?” Satan's voice is full of snark.

“No.” Satan and Lucifer stare at each other for a minute before Satan grumbles and goes back to playing. Mammon goes and sits on Satan's other side.

“You guys never said he was so bright.”

“He is the Morningstar. You thought he just got that name for fun?” Satan shrugs in response, fingers still dancing along the keys.

“We look so similar like this.” 

“I don't think so.”

“Don't be condescending.”

“You look more like Lilith than anyone else.” Satan stops abruptly and Lucifer lets out a sad trill.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” Mammon bats Satan's hands away and takes over, playing an old lullaby that Lucifer taught him once.

“Oh!” Six wings ruffle, “I know this one!”

“I don't,” Satan says.

“He used ta play it for me when I was younger. When I couldn't sleep. I don't think anyone ‘cept the two of us know it, to be fair.”

“He's never played it here.”

“He doesn't play the piano anymore.”

The song finishes and Lucifer puts his hands on the keys.

“I would like to try.”

“Knock yerself out, bud.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you can go ahead and try.” Satan says and he moves so that Lucifer is in the center of the bench instead of him.

It's almost uncanny the way he plays. Repeating the song Mammon just finished with no error. It's just like him, to be perfect at something on the first try.

“Was that good?” He asks, blue eyes looking at the two of them imploringly.

“‘Course it was.” Mammon says.

“It's you,” Satan crosses his arms over his chest, “it wasn't anything less than perfect.”

“I am sure there is room for improvement.” Lucifer preens despite his attempt at humility. Mammon and Satan share a look over the top of his head.

–

Lucifer wants to go outside next. He all but begs until Mammon relents, and then basically drags him out the front door.

“There is a garden.” He’s mesmerized by the flowers.

“Yeah, ‘s yours. Most everything here is yours, actually.” Outside of their rooms there isn’t really anything the brothers own for themselves. Nothing they put effort into maintaining. Nowhere they spend their time. The library is shared by both Satan and Lucifer, and even though Belphie spends his time in the Planetarium, Lucifer is the one who does the upkeep.

“What are these?” Lucifer’s hands are gentle as he strokes along a petal of a rose.

“They’re roses. You grew ‘em yourself. Created a new breed ‘n everythin’.”

“That is wonderful.” He turns to look at Mammon. “Do you like them?” He stills for a moment. He doesn’t think Lucifer’s asked for anyone’s approval ever. He just does what he likes, what he thinks is best, and deals with whatever consequences happen by asserting his intellectual superiority.

“Yeah. Of course. They’re beautiful.”

They continue their walk through the garden, Lucifer “oo”-ing and “ah”-ing at the different Devildom flora. They come across one of Satan’s stray cats that Lucifer pretends not to know about and he laughs, bright and tinkling. It sounds like wind chimes. Mammon watches his face split open into a smile so bright it hurts to look at before fading into something softer but no less radiant. He doesn’t think he’s seen him this full of joy or wonder ever. He wonders when the last time Lucifer was unburdened.

They come to the center of the garden, where a bubbling fountain sits and find Belphie lying in the grass, staring at the stars.

“Hello.” Lucifer’s voice is less loud now that he’s had more practice, but it still fills the space like he’s talking at you from every direction at once. Belphie tilts his head in Lucifer’s direction.

“Hey.”

“Who are you?” Lucifer leans over him, blocking his view.

“Belphegor.” He pokes the side of Lucifer’s knee and chuckles when Lucifer twitches.

“Are you one of my brothers?”

“Unfortunately.”

“I have so many! It is nice to know I am no longer lonely.” Lucifer pauses for a second. “Not that Father is bad company.”

Belphie hums and puts his hand on the top of Lucifer’s head, pushing him out of the way of the sky. Lucifer squawks and Mammon is definitely going to mock him for it when he goes back to normal.

“That was rude.”

“You were in the way.” Lucifer huffs slightly and tilts his head up to stare at the sky, leaning so far back he almost falls over. Belphie laughs at him. “Lay down, dummy.”

“I am not dumb,” he lays down, wings curling over him like a blanket. “I am incredibly intelligent. Although, there is still much I have to learn.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Belphie’s dry tone makes Lucifer huff again, grumbling softly in irritation. Mammon sits down on one of the benches behind them and looks up too.

“There are many more stars than the last time I looked,” Lucifer says.

“I’d imagine they haven’t formed yet.” Lucifer hums and continues to gape at the full sky. “You see that one?” Belphie grabs Lucifer’s hand and uses it to point at a constellation. Mammon knows which one he’s looking for before he’s done guiding Lucifer’s arm.

“Yes.”

“You and I made that one together.”

“Wow.” Lucifer’s voice is soft, quieting so that it sounds like it’s coming from him instead of from everywhere. He turns his head to look into Belphie’s eyes. “It is radiant. You did a good job.” Belphie sputters at the praise.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You should be proud of your achievements, Belphegor.” He redirects his gaze back at the sky, finally tucking his arm back between his body and his wings. “Creation is a beautiful thing.”

–

The thing about Lucifer’s stare is that it’s always been incredibly unsettling. As an angel or a demon, if he looks at you for long enough, you’re going to spill your secrets. Mammon has only ever known Barbatos and Michael to be immune to the effects. It’s somehow worse now that he’s small. Maybe because there’s no reasoning behind it. He’s not staring to get information out of you, or to get you to behave, he is simply observing. He’s doing it now, watching as Asmo gets ready to leave the house.

“What is that?” He’s standing directly over Asmo’s shoulder, alternating between staring at the side of his face, peering at him through the mirror, and oggling over all the cosmetics Asmo has on his vanity. Mammon is playing on his phone, lounging on Asmo’s bed because Asmo got tired of using him as a test subject half an hour ago.

“It’s blush.” Asmo dips a fluffy brush into it and places it on the highs of his cheekbones.

“What does it do?”

“It makes it look like I have color on my face.” Asmo puts a hand over the half of his face with blush and points in the mirror. “See how my face kind of looks colorless here?” He moves his hand, “Now, I look all rosy.”

“Wow. That is amazing.” Lucifer leans forward more, like getting closer to the mirror will help him see better. “Can I have some?” The question makes Mammon almost drop his phone on his face and makes Asmo still. He meets Lucifer’s sharp blue eyes with his own.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! I would like to be colorful, too.” Asmo snorts unattractively and mumbles something Mammon doesn’t hear. He rummages around his desk until he finds a different color blush, something more suitable for Lucifer’s pale complexion.

“Here.” He swipes the brush across Lucifer’s cheeks and nose and Lucifer giggles. Wind chimes tinkling through the air again. Asmo smiles and brushes some across his nose just to watch him scrunch it up.

“That tickles.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

They sit like that for a while, Lucifer watching Asmo do his makeup and then asking what it’s for. Asking for Asmo to do the same to him. It makes Mammon think of the times before RAD was fully built, when Lucifer still had time for all of them. It makes him think of before, right after the twins were born, when by some miracle he was around for long enough to know them. Lucifer’s been busy since before Mammon was thrust on him, since before Mammon was created, he must be so tired.

“What are you doing this for?” Lucifer has shifted so he’s sitting halfway in Asmo’s lap, forcing the younger to work around him and his wings.

“I’m going out.”

“To where?”

“I’m going to hang out with Solomon.” The answer makes Lucifer’s wings ruffle unhappily, makes him cross his arms over his chest.

“I do not like him.” His voice has shifted so it’s louder again, coming from multiple places at once now that he’s upset.

“I know.”

“Then why do you hang out with him?”

“He makes me happy.” Asmo sets his things down and pets the top of Lucifer’s head, fluffing through his hair in a way that Lucifer would never let him if he were himself. At present, the casual affection makes a chirp rise in the back of his throat and he leans into the touch like a cat.

“Oh,” he considers this for a second. “I suppose that if he makes you happy, it is okay.” Asmo laughs.

“You’ve said that before.”

“It is an easy choice. You are happy. That is what matters most to me.”

“He looks so different,” Asmo meets Mammon’s eyes through the mirror, “but I guess his goals have always been the same, haven’t they?”

–

Lucifer insists on walking Asmo to the door and staring down Solomon silently as they leave. It makes Mammon laugh and Solomon almost piss his pants. Asmo rolls his eyes at the whole ordeal and kisses Lucifer’s forehead as he leaves. Neither of them take a picture of the way his cheeks flush at the action, just like neither of them set it as his contact photo.

“Mammon,” Lucifer tugs on his sleeve as they make their way back to Mammon’s room, “I am hungry.” Mammon sighs and redirects them to the kitchen.

They find Beel in there, gross and sweaty from a workout, and angrily rummaging through the cabinets.

“Mammon,” he does not sound happy, “where are all of my snacks?”

“Uhhh.” He’s seconds away from slinging Lucifer over his shoulder and sprinting out of the kitchen when Lucifer moves over to look in the cabinets and recognizes something.

“Oh,” he pulls out a bag of chips that only Beel eats, “I had some of these earlier. May I have them again?” He’s looking at Mammon and Beel is looking at him and Mammon sends a prayer to the Demon King that Lucifer manages to survive this because he doesn’t know what he’d do without him.

“You.” Beel’s face is slowly turning red. “You ate my chips.”

“I had not realized they were yours. They are very good.”

There’s a moment of silence where Lucifer stares up at Beel and Beel takes several deep breaths in and out.

“That’s the last bag.”

“Would you like it, then? Mammon will surely find me something else.”

“No,” he sighs, “I guess you can have it.”

“Thank you!” He smiles again and Beel squints against it. “That is very kind.”

“You always say you hate that flavor.” Beel watches Lucifer tear into the bag like he hasn’t eaten in days. Save for the snacks Mammon gave him earlier, he probably hasn’t.

“I do not know why I would lie. These are very good. My favorite of the ones Mammon provided me with earlier.”

“They’re my favorite, too.”

“Would you like to share?” Lucifer offers Beel the bag and pouts a little when Beel shakes his head. His fingers and cheeks are covered in chip crumbs and he’s generally making a mess. He looks adorable.

Beel grumbles and looks at Mammon unhappily,

“You’re lucky.”

“Most definitely.”

“I’m going back to my workout.” Beel grabs something from the fridge that has Mammon’s name on it and makes to leave the kitchen, and Lucifer floats behind him.

“Where are you going?”

“To the gym.”

“What is a ‘gym’?”

“Uh. Follow me, I guess.” And he does. Lucifer watches in wonder as Beel returns to whatever set he was on, insists on trying the equipment, too. “Hey, do you wanna try something?”

“Yes!”

Beel sets himself up for a push up and gestures for his brother to sit on his back. Lucifer finds it delightful, wind-chime giggles ringing through the gym. It almost makes the stench of Beel sweat bearable.

–

Beel has usurped Mammon as little Lucifer’s favorite just because Beel is carrying him around the House on his shoulders.

“That’s not even fair! I can carry him!” Mammon walks slowly in front of Beel on purpose, not above tripping him to get what he wants.

“But you aren’t.” Beel walks deftly around him and Lucifer laughs at the way Mammon runs to catch up. He’s lucky he’s cute.

“Hey!” Levi’s door bangs open and it startles Mammon enough that he shrieks. “I want to hang out with him, too.”

“Levi,” Lucifer wiggles himself off of Beel’s shoulders, “we met earlier, yes?”

“Uh,” he doesn’t seem to know what to do under the weight of his brother’s stare, “yeah. We did.”

“I have done an activity with everyone. What is your activity?”

“We could play a game?”

“Like hide and seek? I do not like hide and seek.” Lucifer crosses his arms over his chest in a way that makes him look almost petulant. “Father always wins.”

“No, I was thinking we could play, uhm. Devil Kart.”

“I do not know what that is.”

“Good, maybe I’ll actually beat you this time.” Levi’s words make Lucifer ruffle in displeasure.

“I do not like to lose.”

“No, you definitely don’t.”

Levi pulls the three of them into his room and turns on the TV, feiging surprise when everything is already set up.

“Will you teach me how to play?” He considers it for a split second.

“No, you’ll figure it out. Afterall, you’re not a baby right?” Lucifer lets out another unflattering squawk followed by grumbles about fairness.

Despite the fact that no one taught him how to play, Lucifer proceeds to beat them all at the game in a way that is unsurprising but extremely annoying. Levi pouts and sighs about it, Envy leaking into the air.

“Do not fret, Levi. I am sure there are things you are better at than me.”

“Don’t lie, Lucifer. You’re good at everything.” Levi sinks further into his tub and jumps when Lucifer’s head pops over the rim.

“I do not believe so. I think I am bad at spending time with my family.” Lucifer’s face twists into a frown. “I did not think I was one to squander such blessings.”

“Well, it’s not like that’s your fault,” Levi rushes to comfort his brother, only because seeing his usually neutral face in anything except that or a smile is discomforting. “You have a lot of responsibilities.”

“Then it is not your fault I beat you at the game then, is it?” A mischievous twinkle lights up his blue eyes, “I must have what they call beginner’s luck.” Levi sits up suddenly, reenergized.

“Yeah! Obviously! There’s no way I’m letting a baby beat me in my own domain.” He grabs a controller again and Lucifer resolutely doesn’t mention the fact that he’s no longer a baby.

–

By the time they all turn in, Levi has managed to beat Lucifer once. Coincidentally, that’s when he kicks them all out of his room, claiming tiredness. The timing works out, because Lucifer is rubbing his eyes tiredly and stifling yawns. Mammon has to restrain the urge to coo several times.

The walk from Levi’s room to Mammon’s is a short one, but Lucifer still seems too tired to make it, so of course, Mammon carries him there. He sets his brother into his bed and goes to lay on his couch when a tiny hand grabs at his wrist.

“Mammon?”

“Yeah, bud?”

“Will you stay with me?”

“Sure.” Mammon crawls under his covers and pretends like this isn’t the first time in a long time he’s cuddled with his brother like this. There’s quiet, and Mammon thinks that Lucifer must be asleep when he says something.

“Thank you for taking care of me today.”

“It’s nothin’.”

“It is not. It is everything.”

–

Mammon knows his brother is back to normal when he wakes up because he is both no longer the big spoon and because baby Lucifer didn’t have this many muscles.

“Mammon,” his brother’s voice is deeper and for once feels like it’s coming out of his body instead of out of thin air.

“Mmh.” He doesn’t move away from the cuddle. Lucifer’s arms seem to tighten around him.

“Thank you.”

“‘S whatever.” He hears Lucifer let out a huff at his easy dismissal and decides to ignore it. His brother’s arms are nice, comforting. It’s been a long time since they’ve hugged like this, since he’s been able to rest in the safety of Lucifer’s hold. He misses it.

“I have to get up.”

“Nah.” Another sigh. Lucifer only shifts to get more comfortable.

“Don’t tell anyone that I’m doing this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

–

It doesn’t matter that Mammon didn’t tell anyone, because the two of them fall back to sleep and when Beel comes to fetch them for breakfast he takes a picture instead of waking them up. 

Lucifer has to pay Asmo not to post it.

[marciaillust]

I am in the process of succumbing to The Social Media FOBF (fear of being forgotten) so I'm gonna write a little update post (˶˃⤙˂˶)

With Ecdysis finally wrapped up I have officially entered the rest period. I'm not gonna lie to yall, I have never crashed emotionally so badly after a project, to point creativity seems like a chore. Some would even call it a burnout.

But I also know that I am currently in the most hectic part of the year, the prophesized summer of horrors I saw the writing on the wall for already in December '23, and this situation is not contributing to my journey of resting at all.

They are not real horrors and I am merely jesting but the situation is still somewhat emotionally taxing in a very normal and predictable way. Anyone who had to move back in with their family past the ripe age of 26 can probably relate, being in a position where you're expected to revert to your old role (of the eldest daughter, in my case) can be challenging, especially when those pants don't fit you anymore. But it is what it is, and it's temporary, too. (And it's not all bad, I love my family and my family love me lots.)

There's this flat I will be moving into, finally a place I plan to live in long term, unlike all these previous house shares and flats I've lived in 1 year max as a student or a young young adult. But that place requires a ground up renovation and to be furnished and if you ever had to spend your weekends driving around town looking for tiles you know that it's its own brand of taxing. Alongside all this, it's work as usual. And I paint for a living so. little rest in the creative department there, too.

All this to say I am just really tired. Really really tired. Really really really tired. It will pass, but currently my time is not my time - it belongs to everyone around me.

And it will pass, it will pass. And I'll rest and find the space to be creative. Though "burnt out" I think I'm slowly starting to brim with potential creative pursuits. But before I do anything the summer of horros must settle into the autumn of resting.

I am positively ITCHING to draw the Clockmaster. If you've spent this long reading (puts a hand on your shoulder) buddy there are already 5 new clockmaster pages in existence. Fresh of the press, 2024 made, still warm still sizzling. I drew them last month between days of packing Ecdysis orders. They will stay in the vault for now because as I said in previous TCM related posts I plan to release the story in big meaningful chunks now rather than page by page like I used to. So it will be some time before you see them. But brother (squeezes the hand that is still on your shoulder) (visibly tears up) it's so good to be feeding the brainworms again. Orion I love you Rosie I love you Garret I love you Catherine I love you and- and- and there is a new character joining us too! You haven't seem him yet, obviously, but I think you could easily guess who he is. I can't wait for all of you to meet him.

I'll see you on the other side friends!!!

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Buddy Daddies - Episode 11 - Thought Post - SPOILERS!!!

I fully expect that the fandom is literally losing it over Rei’s, “Kazuki!” and Kazuki’s little gasp outside of the safe house. (I know I still am!)

That scene is also the most intimate we’ve ever seen them be with each other on a physical level. And I actually think that is something that made Kazuki and Rei stand out/feel different, and why I never got “queerbait” vibes from them. In a way, Kazuki and Rei are kind of a prime example of how a lot of people’s defense against queer readings of MLM relationships in anime isn’t wholly accurate, since it usually boils down to: male friendships in Japan are more intimate, guys are more emotionally open, etc.

As someone who worked at elementary schools and junior high schools and have seen drunk male teachers at nomikai and enkai before - they aren’t. Not really. In junior high school there was a lot of rough housing and drunk male coworkers might sling their arms around each other when they are doing some kind of silly act or something - but usually the kind of queer subtext stuff that we often get in anime and manga is on a totally different level and not comparable. 

Sometimes it really is subtext (a great example of this would be Nabari no Ou, the mangaka is X-gender and asexual, so any queer subtext you are getting from that series is likely queer subtext), but other times it’s just straight up queerbait. Usually you can feel and tell the difference between the two after a while.

With Buddy Daddies the promo materials never show them half naked wrapped around each other or anything enticing like that. And in-series we see them keeping a common, especially in Japan, physical distance with each other. As the series has progressed though, as Rei has learned how to communicate his thoughts and feelings more, and as Kazuki has learned to let someone in again, we’ve started seeing them communicating with each other more openly. 

And while at the start most of their physical closeness has been in comedic scenes, like Kazuki dragging Rei around:

Or when Kazuki freaked out about Miri getting captured by some creep and took hold of Rei’s shoulders:

Now, in this episode, we have the two discussing a very important topic. Rei is as opened up as can be and communicating properly. He’s made it clear how he feels about taking the life of Miri’s father and through guilt by association, the life of Miri’s mother now too. 

He’s laying himself pretty bear in front of Kazuki and his desire to raise Miri in this scene makes me think of Episode 3 in a way. With Rei in similar, though not exactly the same, role as Kazuki and Kazuki in the role of Misaki. 

Rei, like Kazuki, wanted to take care of Miri. Kazuki, like Misaki who sent her away and wanted nothing to do with her, wanted to bring her to an orphanage and then exit her life entirely. 

They flash back to Misaki’s death for a reason as well, because Kazuki is relating himself to her words.

He’s done this before and the two have been both foils of each other (Ep. 3) and parallels of each other, such as in last episode and even in this week’s episode, with Misaki’s bandaged fingers after she tried properly cooking a meal for the first time: 

Looking like Kazuki’s after he tried sewing for the first:

Right, in that moment with Rei, Kazuki was thinking, “I’m being selfish too. I want to keep Miri even though it’s safer not to.” The difference though, is that Kazuki, unlike Misaki, has a partner who is equally in the known as him when it comes to the potential dangers of what they are about to do. He also has a partner that is willing to take equal responsibility and care of Miri.

Misaki never had that. Not the first time and the second time, when she came back for Miri in Episode 10, she likely didn’t even know how to ask for something like that. Rei wasn’t fully ready yet then either.

I have more I could say about Misaki, but I’ll save that for another post. In this one, I want to wrap around to the beginning of this post. The things that make this physical touch so intimate between them:

1. It is Rei reaching out to Kazuki. A first, iirc, outside of stuff like him putting his arm out to stop Kazuki last episode, Ep.10 (outside of the daycare)

2. The scene isn’t comedic. It is heated. The two are very emotionally charged.

3. Kazuki’s hand reaches out because he was angry at the situation. He grabbed Rei’s suit because of that built up fear and angry at the situation.

4. But Rei wraps his hand over Kazuki’s to show connection. He uses it to add emphasis and make Kazuki feel his words: “Think. What can we do to help Miri?” Rei has always been the one to calm Kazuki down. When Kazuki goes over the top, Rei reels him back in, like here. But this was the first time he had to physically reach out to Kazuki and touch him in order to make that point and actually bring Kazuki back down from the clouds and back into the reality of their situation and what they can do. 

5. Finally, during this talk, when Rei says, “We’ll make Miri happy!” Kazuki doesn’t just think about Miri, he thinks about Yuzuko too. Rei says we’ll and Kazuki is fully acknowledging that.

This time, unlike in Episode 3, where they both decided to be Miri’s papas separately, they are deciding to be her papas together. There was a shift in their dynamic again, just like there was in Episode 3.

I noticed this last week and was wondering how this would play out in today’s episode, but we are seeing parallel episode structure with Arc 1 (Episodes 1 - 5) and this final arc (Episodes 10 - 13). This final arc is one episode short though, so this week’s episode was like a paralleled combination of Episodes 2 and 3.

Putting the rest under a Read More due to length.

Episode 10 Paralleled Episode 1 - Kazuki and Rei getting Miri due to a hit, Kazuki and Rei losing Miri to a hit (the hit being Miri herself).

Episode 11 Paralleled Episodes 2 & 3 - For the Episode 2 parallels you have: 

Kazuki and Rei having Miri at the apartment for the first time and getting taken off the job with the introduction of Ryo killing someone. Versus us seeing Kazuki and Rei in the apartment for the first time without Miri and them deciding to leave their jobs this time along with Ryo killing again (hopefully, for the last time). 

And in the case of Kazuki and Rei trying to adjust to the changes both with Miri in the apartment for the first time and without her in the apartment - they are both a mess, one was just a noisy mess vs the silent mess of this episode (11).

For the Episode 3 parallels, I feel like I talked about that quite a bit already. Though we have some other things as well, like Misaki’s “you know they aren’t your real papas” conversation with Miri:

Mirroring Rei’s conversation with Miri about Kazuki not being her real papa:

And, of course, we have Rei thinking about his father, who he was still staying away from at the time, and contemplating what being a papa really means. Now he has confronted his father, he went back to him, but spoke back to him, and he now knows for certain what being a papa means and is 100% ready to commit to that.

If they really are following this parallel structure, then what might that mean for Episodes 12 and 13, which would, on some level, parallel episodes 4 and 5? In Episode 4 we saw them actually stepping into the roles of “Papas” on a societal level with the government office and daycare and kind of jumping into it all without really knowing what they were doing. 

Now they do know, they have experience, and we’ve seen Kazuki set down ground rules for Rei that Rei has agreed to follow when it comes to raising Miri. So there will be more involvement on Rei’s part. 

There was forged paperwork too...Maybe this time we will see Kazuki fill out that paperwork slightly more legitimately. Someone (sorry, I can’t remember exactly who it was!) mentioned that if Miri’s father never claimed Miri, then Kazuki might be able to claim himself as Miri’s father on her birth certificate. So...maybe we’ll see that. They did make Kazuki look like Miri’s birth father for reasons.

And, if Episode 13 ends up paralleling Episode 5, where Kazuki and Rei got reinstated on the job, Episode 13 would be when they properly leave the job. However that may go down. The interesting thing to think about is what Kyutaro will decide to do. In Episode 5, he told them of the dangers and was tempted to not get attached to Miri, but he did anyway. He acted like a regular café owner with her, watched over her, and told her about her comedian and oil baron papas. 

Now that we know Kyutaro has a safe house, will he deflect along with them and stay with her, will he work as a double agent or spy. I don’t know. But Episode 5 ended with Miri making a presentation, so maybe this episode will end with the Christmas Party at the end, which would bring the series full circle, since I bet that Christmas Party is on Christmas Eve. 

I know that it’s been stated that there won’t be any more “fluffy” episodes, but I think that is tied to the “pretend family” vs. “real family” dynamic that gets brought up in this episode. Where Kazuki and Rei are both 100% all in, so that means there won’t be any “super happy” facade going up anymore, just sincere emotions (which can range from happy to sad to tragic to comedic, etc.). After all, in that quiote, the director also told them to let go of past restraints and to show the intimate feelings that exist between Kazuki, Rei, and Miri. After this week’s episode, I feel I completely understand what this means now.

I’m going to stop this post for now, because I feel it has kind of gone off in various directions and I do still need to take my daily walk around the neighborhood. But I do have a number of thoughts on this episode (I wrote them all down in my notebook to make sure I don’t forget anything, lol). And I’ll be getting those posts up in a bit. 

But yeah, my mind is still going off in like five million different directions. How am I going to make it to next Friday!?

EDIT: SO! Next week’s episode is the last. The parallel aspect can still work though, Episode 12 would just parallel Episodes 4 & 5, which actually does work pretty nicely together. Thanks to everyone who informed me that Episode 12 will be the last!<3

[tyudearyous]

pride and prejudice - j.yh

pairing : jeong yunho x (f) reader

very much inspired by pride and prejudice with some plot changes

word count : 5.8k

genre : fluff, angst

author's note : THIS IS ALL FOR MY MUTUAL WHO PROPOSED THE IDEA OF YUNHO BEING LIKE DARCY. THIS IS FOR YOU!

masterlist

...

living as a fallen royal has not served you any happiness. in fact, it has only brought sorrows after sorrows, one you were overwhelmed with. but none of those sorrows would ever be lifted off you, not until you die, you suppose. why is that? because you were the eldest daughter out of the five, the only anchor in your already broken family. the only sane person between your reputation crazed parents.

“mother!” you grabbed your mother’s arms to make her face you. disgust filled your face and you couldn’t even process what just happened.

it was three days after your sister’s seventeenth birthday, she was the second born and she was three years younger than you. however, your parents had the audacity to go and basically wed her off to a nobleman in efforts to dignify the family’s name.

“mother! she’s just seventeen. what are you thinking!?” you screamed slightly making everyone in the house notice. “you. have no rights to say anything towards me young lady.” your mother pointed to you with seething anger on her face. her behavior only baffled you even further. “must you go through these lengths? she is just seventeen mother! she still has her lif-” “exactly. she is seventeen, a marriable age. unlike you, twenty yet unwed. it is embarrassing enough for me to have an unwed daughter like you” you were speechless. there was no way your mother just said that in front of you and left. just as you were about to catch up to her, you were held back by your sister.

“angela, we can talk after this okay” you try to make her let go of your arm but she was persistent. “sister, i am fine with this” her eyes gazed straight at you with her desperately trying to hold you. “no, you still have so much to see and learn. it is not your duty to marry, i will find a way for you alright?” you grazed her cheeks slightly to reassure her. “no, i wish for this. it is the only way our family can be stable again. i am fine with this sacrifice. no, i even heard that he is a good guy, so fret not my sister. fret not, alright?” she leans onto your embrace making you hug her. this whole ordeal is breaking your heart. was it your fault? why was the universe so cruel?

…

“my daughter angela, a carriage will come over to pick you up today at noon and i want you to go with her as well, y/n” your father said on the dining table. your appetite immediately gone and your face soured. “listen, y/n. i am not pressuring you what so ever. however, you are twenty this year darling. soon you would be past the marriable age and it would not be good for you” your father held your hands but none of his words felt like a concern for you, instead it all just feels like salt to an injury. “alright, i will prepare myself then” you immediately stood up from the dining table to go to your room.

“oh? have you finished getting ready?” you asked your sister who was sitting on her bed next to yours. “yep, you are coming with me right?” she asked you in which you nodded. she was wearing her favorite pink gown adorned decorations that made her beauty unmatchable. you had to admit, out of the five sisters she was the prettiest. it was as if a white rose suddenly appeared in a garden of red roses, that was how she was.

“you look great, i’m sure he would fall in love with you as soon as he saw you” you smiled to her widely before getting ready yourself. you opted to wear a rather normal gown in the shade of jade. you didn’t want to overdress your sister, nor did you want attention on you.

love has always been a difficult topic for you. you didn’t want to sell out your future to a man in the name of marriage and also, woman generally wasn’t given any freedom post marriage. you had to either be an obedient doll for your husband or you’d be divorced and thrown away in a second. it was either in between and that is why, love scared you.

but either way, it was your mission to at least be a good companion for your sister. to cover up all the ugly side behind her and your family, to be a good guardian for her.

soon, the carriage bell rang. notifying its’ presence and urging you both to go inside. your sister excitedly runs down the house and bid goodbyes to your parents who were waiting out the door.

“take care of her okay?” your father bid goodbyes to you by squeezing your hands while your mother only looked at you. “i will, goodbye” and with that, the two of you were in the carriage off to the Northwestern Palace where her future husband is waiting for her.

“sister?” your sister called out to you, breaking you out of your daze. “yes, my angel?” you scurried to sit next to her and held her hands. “i am scared” your sister starts to tear up. “darling, it’ll be alright. it’ll be alright.” you brought her in to hug and comfort her. just why, why would an innocent soul like her have to go through all this.

…

“ladies, we have arrived at the Northwestern Palace” the coachman knocks on the carriage door before swiftly opening it, making a way for you and your sister to exit the carriage. the whole ride was pretty serene. nothing much happened, except for the fact that your sister felt worried about the whole meeting. it was inevitable, love is scary. however she immediately recollected herself and is back to the usual happy go lucky sister you have.

after a small walk, a luxurious white pavilion is visible where two (seemingly) esteemed gentleman were sitting. the two then stood up noticing your presence before bowing to greet the two of you. you also curtsied to greet them together with your sister before walking even closer to the pavilion.

“greetings, i am y/n from the house of brigitte and this is s/n. very delighted to make your acquaintance” you and your sister curtsied to greet the two men in front of you. “oh yes, i am san from the house of choi and this is my companion, yunho from the house of jeong. thrilled to make acquaintance with you both as well.” he greeted you cheerfully before ushering you to take a seat on the table in the pavilion.

for a second, you felt small. this whole place, the pavilion, the table, their presence, all felt overwhelming. if it weren’t for your sister who was chatting delightfully with san, you think you’d suffocate from stress.

while san and your sister chatted well together, you decided to talk to yunho for a little bit. “um, so how did you get acquainted with mr. choi?” you ask while taking a sip of your tea. “i’m sorry but is that your business?” he responded coldly. you were frozen for a second, unable to react. “oh, i apologize, my curiosity got the better off me” you laughed it off before taking another sip. it was clear enough, this guy in front of you has zero interest in forming acquaintances with you. it was fine, as long as your sister was happy it was fine. soon the afternoon went by a flash. it was an enjoyable experience for your sister, it was all that matters.

…

“how was it?” your vivacious mother asked your sister once you arrived back home. “it was great, mother. he was a gentleman, anything i could ask for” she replied, making your parents exhale a big sigh of relief. they seemed so happy, and you were too but there was a hint of bittersweetness in your heart. after all, you were the disappointment for them and did you even have the right to be happy? but you digress. “i will be off to my room now, if you need anything just call me” and with that you went upstairs to your room.

“sister!” your youngest sister came up to you. “hi sweetheart, what’s wrong?” you crouched down to ruffle her hair slightly. “is it true? sister angela is getting married?” she asked you and you nodded. “yes, angela has met her prince charming you know?” you smiled to her. “but what about you? have you not met him?” you froze slightly before shaking your head. “it’s late already, let me tuck you into bed okay sweetheart?” you ushered her to go back to her room to rest up. you just didn’t want to answer much because it’s all too conflicting for you. it’s all too much for you. even so, you did wish to meet your prince charming, you wished but it was just a mere wish. a mere wish that has very low chances of getting granted.

…

“y/n! prepare the guest room please!” your mother called out to you in the middle of the morning. you were confused, why would they need the guest room ready, for who? and why is she asking that of you this early? “mother, who is coming?” you asked as you went down the stairs. “it is your father’s colleague. he is coming over with his son” she explained to you. “and who exactly?” you asked while you start to dust off the room. “the house of park” oh, it was seonghwa. he was once deeply infatuated with your sister, so obviously you knew him. he wasn’t a bad guy, per se. however, you just don’t feel good about him sometimes.

as you were cleaning, the day started to go by and it was now afternoon when the esteemed guests came by. your parents greeted them with extreme joy and they also greeted everyone back. you led them to the guest room where your parents and them chatted off. you stayed at the door, tending to their drinks and snacks when seonghwa snuck up on you.

“um, so, where’s angela?” he asked. “oh, she’s going to come down soon” you replied before he went back to his seat. sure enough, your sister soon came down and it was as if seonghwa just saw an angel. his eyes immediately lit up and a big smile adorned his face.

“so, mr and mrs brigitte. the purpose of our visit today is actually because we want-” “no father, i will say it myself” seonghwa cut his father off before clearing his throat. “miss angela brigitte, i have taken a great liking towards you ever since the first day we met. will you do me the honor of being my wife?” seonghwa knelt down in front of angela and took her hands to kiss it slightly.

“i must apologize” angela took her hands off seonghwa’s. “i am already engaged to mr. san from the house of choi” and the entire room fell into a tense mood. seonghwa quickly reassured angela that it was alright and your parents ushered you and angela out of the room to not make the room even more tense. thus, you brought angela back to your shared room where she cried.

“i feel like a horrendous person. i feel bad” angela cried out to your shoulder. “shush baby, it’s alright. i am sure he would understand alright” you comforted angela throughout the night but unbeknownst to you, the park family and yours agreed on an alternative. an alternative you wouldn’t even want.

…

somehow seonghwa kept going to your house, despite getting rejected by angela. you were confused on why he was doing all this. on an instance even, he brought you to meet one of his longtime friends, hongjoong from the house of kim. it was all confusing but creating relations wasn’t something you were against.

“i heard you are acquaintances with san from the house of choi?” hongjoong asked. “yes, he is about to be wedded to my sister after all” you replied with a smile. “then, may i assume you are also acquainted with jeong yunho?” your eyes shot up and you froze slightly. “not exactly, why?” you asked. “i should warn you about him. he is not a good man. the kim family has been the greatest supporter the jeong family could ever ask but what did that guy do? deny us from our rights” hongjoong took a sip of his tea angrily. “hongjoong, let’s not-” “no seonghwa! i am merely stating facts. i had to work like a dog to save my family from bankruptcy when we were exiled” hongjoong explained further. “why were you exiled?” you asked. “because we didn’t have one vision thats all. either way, be careful of him”

you weren’t the type to trust someone immediately. after all you were a big skeptic, however because seonghwa trusts hongjoong so much, you just couldn’t help but feel a slight empathy. how could someone pay literal dust to someone who has been loyal, and even if there were differences of views, shouldn’t it be talked over? you didn’t want to involve yourself though so you just decided to stay neutral. one thing is for sure, jeong yunho did not seem like a good guy at all.

…

it was the night of the ball in the Northwestern Palace and sure enough, you had to dance with the man himself, jeong yunho. you didn’t hate him but that did not mean you liked him. he has been nothing but rude to you ever since the first meet. however, you cannot deny. he is a great dancer.

“i am surprised you are good at this” you said in attempt for a small talk. “it is merely the basics my lady” he said as he let you go to twirl and held you by your waist again. “sure, basics” and you both danced until the music ends. what you didn’t expect was for him to initiate a small talk.

“would you like to take some time in the garden?” yunho asked as he took a sip from the glass of champagne he was holding. “sure” and with that the two of you went down to go to the garden. this did not go unnoticed by san and angela. “look, your sister” san pointed towards your direction to your sister. “let them be, let’s just hope for the best” she laughed before resuming to their own conversation.

“i did not strike you as someone who would ask a lady” you joked. “i am merely doing this as an apology for last time” yunho waited in front of the stairs, offering his hand for you to take while you go down the stairs. “thank you” you said before he led you to the garden of the palace.

“so, what did you want to talk about?” you asked him as you took a seat on bench nearby. “i was wondering on a few things actually” he sat next to you.

“how are you alright with your sister overstepping you?”

“in marriage?”

“yes”

you sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. of course people would ask that. of course it would be a topic in your conversation. after all, people deemed it to be rude but you couldn’t care less.

“perhaps i just do not care? all i ever wanted was happiness for my sisters and it is not her fault for finding love before me. and if you ask me how did it came to this, i also don’t know. perhaps it’s just the universe’s will? either way, i don’t have a problem with that”

“i have heard that you rejected several marriage offers”

“yes, just one though to be exact. i do not find myself ready when i got that offer. i was still sixteen after all. now that i am twenty, i couldn’t thank my sixteen year old self more than anything”

“and why is that?”

“because i got to experience life. if i got married, i wouldn’t be able to do that”

“how? you still have your life even after you marry? it is not the end of the world”

“to you yes, to me no. i would have to be entangled with housework, wifely duties, and when i have a child as well, i can’t do anything freely. i am not saying i don’t want to get married but i still find it to be not something i highly desire.”

“let’s say, someone proposes to you today. will you accept it?”

“i do not know. if i could see myself loving that person, perhaps i would but if i couldn’t i think i would reject it once again”

yunho nodded understandingly. turns out, he wasn’t too bad. he wasn’t as bad as you thought he was. he was a good listener and also a very logical person. the conversation actually went well because he was actually a good conversationist. perhaps this person wasn’t that bad but you digress.

…

it was as if the universe was playing a joke to you, seonghwa decided to propose to you in exchange for not getting angela. of course you rejected it. how could you be used a replacement? it was a disgraceful move on its own. you were even more flabbergasted when you knew it was your parent’s idea. what the actual hell are they thinking?

“do you perhaps not possess a brain to think?” you angrily opened the door to their bedroom

“honey, what is this behavior!” your mother shouted

“what is this behavior? you have the audacity to ask me that? am i an easy thing to use as a replacement for my sister? are you planning to sell me out?”

“y/n please calm down”

“y/n! we are doing this for your greater good. what future lies beyond you if you refuse him. we are doing this because we love you. we are doing this because we wish for what's good for you”

"but that is not how you do it!" you screamed into the room

you couldn’t even talk anymore. you felt so incredibly betrayed. how could they treat you like this? how could they treat you this horrible? you knew they were slightly insane after they lost their estate to debt but this was beyond your limit. your entire dignity crushed into pieces, ground up to the floor and thrown away six feet under the ground. it was shit, completely shit.

“my daughter, can we talk?” your father came over to the dining room where you were crying profusely. “what more do you want? do you not understand how that made me look? i look like an easy woman, father. i look like an easy shit to trampled upon” he shushed you before bringing you to a hug to comfort you. he didn’t say anything, perhaps too guilty to even say anything. at least he knows his mistake.

…

it has been several months since everything happened. you decided to do things like how you are used to. forgive and move on. seonghwa even got married already because one of your friend was scared she’d become a spinster. you apologized to seonghwa and seonghwa thankfully was a good man. he understood your rejection and reaction, he understood everything.

however, angela’s relationship with san was something else. choi san was a busy man and it was a given he wouldn’t have much time. but if he was determined, he could at least spare just a few minutes with angela but that never happened. so when his party left for a neighboring country, you told angela to go to your relative’s house since they live in that neigboring country and she did.

now, with nothing to do on hand, you decided to visit seonghwa and your friend. after all, there was nothing wrong with a small catch up session between friends. it was quite a long walk but not one you’d complain about and when you arrived, it was a small yet comfortable bungalow they are living in. very suited to seonghwa’s love for simplicity.

they invited you for dinner and you chatted away quite happily until seonghwa brought up something he heard a few days ago during a party.

“i do not know if this is for sure or not but i heard yunho has been trying to separate san and your sister because your family is “unsuitable” for the chois”

“what?” you were confused.

“who said that?”

“colonel song, a close friend of his”

oh. that was the nail to the coffin you suppose.

…

after hearing what seonghwa said, you immediately took the train to go to the neighboring country to meet your sister. you went there not to meet your sister, but to meet jeong yunho instead. once you arrived, you immediately went to the jeong estate. it was raining but you couldn’t care less. but as you were on your way, you spotted him near his estate.

“miss y/n, it has been a while. i have been looking for you”

“good you’re here. wait, pardon?”

“i have been searching for you ever since i knew of angela’s presence here in this country”

“why? for what exactly?”

“i have thought about this day and night.”

yunho cleared his throat before continuing.

“in vain i have struggled, and it just will never do. my feelings have gotten to my better judgement. allow me to tell you how ardently i admire you”

“i don’t understand”

“i love you. will you please do me the honor to be mine?”

“no. i cannot”

you were beyond confused. this man separated your sister, deeming your family unfit for his standards and besides the garden conversation, he never paid any attention towards you. so what is this sudden confession.

“didn’t you say my family is unsuitable? so why are you acting like this?”

“i cannot care less. i cannot care less about statuses right now”

“so why did you separate angela and san?”

“didn’t miss angela not want it? she was being very passive and i did not want san to get heartbroken any further”

“you have no rights to do that! and no. angela loved him. the reason why she is even here is because of choi san. you have no rights to do that, mr. jeong”

“i apologize”

“is that all you could think of?’

“what more do you ask from me?”

“i don’t know. i just cannot accept it. you have always acted so cold towards me and now suddenly you’re professing your love towards me? mr. jeong, respectfully, that is not the way to get a woman’s heart. in fact that is a way to drive a woman away”

“for ever since i was born, i was raised to be indifferent. i have always been indifferent but this. this is the first time where i let all my logics out the window. this is the first time i had ever let my feelings control me, my lady. i am not asking for much.”

“right, you are an indifferent individual. then care to explain your decisions regarding the kim family?”

“what sort of decisions?”

“i don’t know, you were the one making it. why would you do that to a family that has been nothing but loyal to you, mr. jeong?”

“i am afraid you do not know anything, miss brigitte”

“oh? so i don’t know enough do i?”

“the kim family embezzled the jeongs. do you know that?”

“what?”

“miss, i did not take you for someone who blatantly believes lies. however, i do hope you would think twice before believing someone and i believe that this proposal has not come to a good ending thus i will leave now. i have gotten a carriage ready for you. my feelings have not changed at all, however i think that you might need some time, so i am granting you that time”

oh, you did a big mistake didn’t you?

…

“y/n, a letter has come for you!” your sister screamed. “angela it’s 9 PM, who would even-” you recognized that seal. that seal is not from a mere family, it was the seal of the jeongs. “when did this arrive?” you asked angela after taking the letter from her hands. “a guard sent it just now, is it from the-” “i will be in my room, alright?” you scurried to go inside of your room and quickly took your letter knife to open the letter.

to miss y/n of house brigitte i am writing,

i apologize for the disturbance as it is very late right now. however, my heart is at unrest.

i do not know where or who told you regarding what happened to the kim family however, i do hope that you would trust me more than them.

the kim family followed the jeong from the start, however the last generation of the kims has been nothing but a problem for the jeongs.

they have embezzled us out of our own mines, land, field, and everything.

as the current head of the family, i had to do what was necessary and that is to protect my own family. it was not an easy decision but ultimately, i had to exile them.

they have been getting support from the parks now, which i am grateful for.

i do hope you will stop seeing me as a horrible man, for i am serious about my feelings for you, lady brigitte.

i am sorry for the lengthy disturbance but i hope this clears out the misunderstanding between us.

good night, may you have sweet dreams.

signed, jeong yunho

…

it has been two weeks since you and your sister went to your nephew’s house and it is now time for you both to set home. this time though, your relatives are the one visiting your country. however what you didn’t expect is for you to run into yunho out in the wild.

“what are you doing here?” you asked, confused. “i was just having my stroll, greetings i am yunho from the house of jeong” he introduced himself to your relatives. “ah yes, the esteemed jeongs. we are the gardleys from the south” your uncle and aunt bowed to greet yunho which he returned in another bow. somehow, you and your party ended up in the Westnostern Palace which is a closed off territory of the jeongs. yunho offered a brunch for you and your relatives, this was out of nowhere.

it was truly a brunch for the royals. the meals served were meals only high status-ed families would eat. you were grateful but all of this felt like it came out of nowhere. perhaps this was his way of trying to win your heart and you couldn’t help but smile at it. while your relatives and yunho were chatting away, you excused yourself to go to the washroom when in reality, you wanted to take a stroll around the palace. that was when an elderly lady suddenly came up to you and struck a chat with you.

“oh my, you must be the miss brigitte everyone here is talking about!”

“pardon?”

“oh silly old me, i am margareth”

“oh, yes. i am y/n from the house of brigitte. it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance”

“yes, our little yunho has been talking about you” she said while laughing slightly. you were frozen, what is that even supposed to mean?

“talking about me?”

“oh yes, he has been going around the estate asking for advices on you know” she nudges your shoulders slightly. you didn’t know how to reply so you just laughed along.

“either way, i am glad” you stayed quiet, to listen to her.

“i am glad he has finally found love. he has been keeping his heart at such guard to the point even i, as his former caretaker, was very worried.” she continued before she held your hands gently.

“child, i know love might be scary for you but trust me. yunho is a good person, he is just a little rough at first. child, he can bring you the happiness you’ve desired since forever. i hope you can be happy with him” words could not leave your mouth, you only stared at her while she smiled at you.

“granny margareth!” you snapped out of your daze after hearing yunho’s voice.

“oh-ho, that is my cue to go now. i wish you the best of luck, child!” she said before leaving, giving you time with yunho.

he soon joined you to gaze upon the garden of the palace and stood next to you. yunho cleared his throat, making you gaze at him.

“have you finished chatting with my relatives?” you opened the conversation.

“ah yes, they were very enthusiastic people. i had a great time” his sudden soft demeanor makes you want to laugh honestly. it wasn’t a bad thing, just very out of character for him.

“i see” you replied but you couldn’t hold back your giggles

“pardon?”

“oh, no. it’s just funny to me”

“what’s funny?”

“you, right now.”

“right, i must look like a lovesick fool”

yunho admitting it himself just feels way too funny for you, causing you to go on a fit of laughter. he only stared at you, with a slight smile. taking in how he made you laugh, how your smile completely lit up his whole world. oh, he was so in love.

“lovesick fool, oh dear. i’m sorry” you try to regain your composure.

“no it’s alright, i like watching you smile” he replied. you only raised your eyebrows before one of his guard men called out to him, informing him that your relatives had finished touring the palace with his butler.

“let’s go back shall we?” he offered his hand to guide you, in which you accepted this time.

yunho isn’t as bad as you thought.

…

as if the universe is finally giving you a break, san came by the brigitte’s estate to propose to angela. you also soon found that yunho helped san get the permission of the choi family. he persuaded them to let him marry angela despite your family being inferior compared to the chois. yunho was such an enigma to you. however not one you hated, in fact one you’d love to figure out. his entire demeanor and how it changed almost in one night. how he suddenly became this soft and kind individual despite his reputations being the absolute opposite of that.

thus when he visited your estate, you couldn’t help but welcome him with open arms for what he has done for your sister.

“greetings, um” yunho stuttered slightly. he was visibly nervous and he didn’t know how to properly act this time. you couldn’t help but smile endearingly at him.

“greetings, mr. jeong. how can i possibly help you?”

“may i invite you to go on a walk with me, perhaps?”

“sure.”

…

yunho never struck you as a big romanticist. however, all of his actions recently show otherwise. this guy was a big romanticist. he is definitely a firm believer of soulmates and it is adorable. beyond the cold expression he wears, the fancy suits and coats that make him unapproachable, he is just a plain guy who loves hard.

you both strolled around the Northwestern Palace, the place you first met each other. though the first encounter was rather lukewarm, your current relationship was much better than that. when you reached at the end of the palace’s park, a glistening lake could be seen. the atmosphere was incredibly soothing and heartwarming. seeing swans nurturing each other, you couldn’t help but smile while gazing at the scenery.

“so, um. miss y/n” yunho cleared his throat.

“yes?”

“i would like to take upon this chance, to… try once again” oh, so that was what he was after.

“miss y/n of house brigitte. i, jeong yunho, have simply fallen for you. i cannot contain these feelings within me anymore. i apologize if i have ever made your heart hurt from before, however i can promise you one thing. i will devote myself to keeping that smile on your face. i will make sure your days ahead are nothing short of happiness. miss y/n, would you do me the favor of letting myself become yours?” he knelt down in front of you with a small box on his hands. it was a ring, he was proposing you. you have been in this situation several times, but none have made you this glad to receive one.

“yes, i would” you replied. this time, it was different. perhaps it was yunho’s magic finally working on you, but you couldn’t be more glad that it was him.

he quickly smiled and slipped the ring into your finger then he lifted you up in an embrace. “hey!” you laughed. “thank you” yunho gazed straight at you before pulling you in for a kiss, your first kiss.

finally, love found you.

…

“y/n, are you serious about this?” your father asked you. he had received a formal letter from the jeongs, inquiring him about their plans to officially propose you.

“yes father, look” you showed off your ring finger, now adorned with a ring that had a small aquamarine gem.

“did you not dislike him before?” your father asked you once again. he was well aware about how you felt regarding yunho since the first.

“yes but those feelings have changed. father, are you questioning my decisions now?” you replied with a grin on your face. this made your father give up and accepted the situation.

“i am glad you finally found the one” your father got up from his seat to hug you and you hugged him back.

…

“From the very beginning— from the first moment, I may almost say— of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.”

―

Jane Austen,

Pride and Prejudice

…

the end.

[scoobydoodean]

I was wondering if you, as a Dean fan have opinions about the different writers? Mostly because I see a lot of Dean fans really strongly dislike Dabb for some reason and I don’t really understand why. I’ve never seen a concrete explanation beyond “he can’t write Dean/doesn’t understand Dean/actively hates Dean” but with no examples as to what he does that’s so bad. And I see this in every shipping lane. I don’t have a strong opinion about him as a writer one way or the other.

I'm exploring this more as I rewatch the show (currently on season 6) so I'll speak mainly from that perspective on my most recent thoughts. I am not a big fan of Dabb or Loflin, but have tried to be fair about things so far when talking through each episode. I am a fan of "Alpha and Omega"—it's my favorite finale (it's also... a finale for a season Carver started as showrunner? So I don't know what the implications are there as far as storyboarding). Also points for having demon Dean stab a guy through in 10.02.

I'll focus on the negatives you asked about in this post, but in the links you'll find me moving the narrative this way and that toward much more charitable readings... I think. (I do have a tag #dabb disk horse which you can either peruse or blacklist at your leisure). What I can tell you is something almost always strikes me as a off about Dabb/Loflin episodes so far in this rewatch in terms of character work.

Dabb/Loflin's first ever episode was 4.06 "Yellow Fever". In the aftermath, Kripke felt the need to release a definitive interpretation of their episode to the public, stating, "Dean is not a dick... he's a hero." The whole episode toyed with, to an extent, the idea that all the victims of the MotW were bullies. You can take this other directions—for example, queer meta, or meta about Sam as the real bully. However, the story a lot of fandom latched onto was that "Dean is a jerk and deserves to be humiliated and punished for that" which obviously didn't make Dean fans watching live in season 4 happy—and this theme of Jerk!Dean continues into their next episode, "After School Special", where they once again parallel Dean with a bully literally nicknamed "Dirk the Jerk" by Sam, and throw what I think is transparent shade at Kripke's issued statement from before the Christmas break (post here)... or maybe they mean to throw shade at the Dean fans who got angry. In this episode, they also make illusions to Dean wanting to have sex with barely legal high school cheerleaders, which also did not ingratiate them to Deanfans at the time. I said on my last rewatch, "In After School Special, Dean seems more unlike himself than any episode ever in the history of Supernatural up to this point" (post explaining that here). I carry similar sentiments about portions of 5.06 "I Believe The Children Are Our Future". Yes—I am aware of performing Dean meta. I just... feel like they try a little too hard. It feels hamfisted—desperate. To the point it doesn't feel like Dean anymore sometimes. In 5.06, they also have Dean (guy who is generally very protective of kids) suggest to Jesse that he'd be good to have in a fight???? I can see how they got there, but again—it just feels... off. The last episode I rewatched that they authored, 6.04 "Weekend At Bobby's", also leaves a bad taste in my mouth—not in what it's trying to do with Bobby or what it's trying to do on a meta level—but once again, with dialogue from Dean that just makes me think "he would not fucking say that" (post here). I think looking at all of these, you can probably see deangirl ire toward Dabb has a long history. It's been around as long as he's been around, whether he deserves as much ire as he gets or not.

I haven't circled back yet on this rewatch, but Dabb and Loflin also penned season 7's "The Girl Next Door"... do I need to say anything specific? Maybe I'll just link my entire #amy tag. What narrative did they want you to get from that episode? Who the fuck knows. And that's often the problem:

When you watch various episodes I've mentioned, you can work around to a meta that tells you something different than you might at first think the page conveys—something hidden and maybe contradictory. The thing is... you could also... not do that? And that wouldn't be so bad, except that sometimes the two narratives you can most easily grasp completely contradict each other. "After School Special" can be an episode that points to Sam's envy of Dean and John deep down and foreshadows Sam becoming a bully, but on a meta level, it also just as easily says Sam becoming a bully is somehow Dean's fault, and Sam is some poor captive baby. Dean is a creep and a bully and a cheater but we should all coddle him because he saw his mom die when he was a child and he's sooo sad. "Yellow Fever" can be a queer meta story and might also foreshadow approaching Bully!Sam in 4.14, but it also very much does call Dean a jerk (should we take that seriously? should we not?) and implies Dean should be punished for the outcome of three decades of reality-bending torture. Even if it's a queer meta underneath... it's just as easily one about how closeted men should be humiliated for cowardice or how being closeted turns you into an asshole.

Jumping way ahead, I have to mention 15.10 "The Hero's Journey" just because. Yes, it is full of jokes and Garth goodness, but also tries to sell you the story that nothing about Sam and Dean is real, to a degree that feels like you are being flipped the bird for ever watching this show. And again—you can make meta that it's all a ruse! But is it? Or is Dabb actually just telling you to go fuck yourself? Like he totally wasn't when, after the SPN finale when fans were Not Happy™️, he tweeted a sign reading, "Don't feed the baboons"? Yet again—we play into the motif of the "hero" who isn't a hero at all but some pathetic loser who deserves to be publicly humiliated, bookended with Dabb's opening episode in his opening season. I'm not saying that's what it is on purpose—but I am saying you can make these arguments easily, and that leaves me consistently annoyed with Dabb for being fucking sloppy and leaving me to deal with some of the most insufferable meta imaginable that carries little support outside of episodes written by Dabb or the Dabb/Loflin writing team.... Yes—I am in fact saying that Dabb and Loflin's hamfisted episodes (regardless of their intentions) are largely responsible for some of the most insufferable, loathesome fandom metas about Sam and Dean's relationship around.

Look at 5.16 "Dark Side Of The Moon", and 7.08 "Time for A Wedding!" and 8.14 "Trial and Error", 11.17 "Red Meat", and 15.20 "Carry On". Along with 4.13, while they might or might not say something deeper or contradictory on a meta level, on a surface level, every single one of these episodes sows the narrative that Dean is needy and clingy and needs Sam more than Sam needs him—something I intensely disagree with for a multitude of reasons... but I'll just link this. Many of these episodes also follow a surface level narrative of "normal life obsessed Sam" (and here I'll link my entire #sam the hunter tag and #in which sam is not a helpless little waif with his hands cast over his eyes being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea). When I look at this episode list, I also don't find it at all difficult to believe that Dabb wanted Dean to die in the finale. There is nothing at all shocking about that. And yes—you can argue he's pointing to the opposite—that this fate should be subverted and that's what makes 15.20 the dark ending, but I think you can just as easily argue that yes it's a dark ending and yes Dabb has always dreamed of this ending. A "tragic" ending where Dean dies and Sam goes on to have a white picket fence... while also leaving you little hints along the way that maybe it's all a big ruse because how could he not? He never has to explain anything. Someone else will pick up the story and make it make sense. He's already fucked off to piss all over fans of Resident Evil.

That said, when I mention what I feel is off character work, I mainly mention Dabb/Loflin episodes from my recent rewatch, which suffer from the two of them being newer to the series (coming onto the writing team in season 4) and also leave questions about whether, perhaps, they had conflicting ideas about characterization. Was Dabb the one penning these lines? Was it Loflin? Was it both? Did they trade out who took the lead? I didn't really say anything negative about "Sam, Interrupted" or "Jump the Shark"... (though "Sam, Interrupted" also calls Dean "codependent") who wrote those? Is it possible that the messiness of the meta comes down to two writers at war? I have to imagine though, that they got along, or else they wouldn't have written together for four fucking years. If they didn't get along...? My mind always comes back to their first solo episodes, right after splitting up in season 8. Dabb's first solo episode is "Hunteri Heroici"—the only episode to lend any perspective to season 8 Sam's reasons for abandoning everyone—paralleling him checking out with Fred's catatonia, which Sam has to save Fred from. It is the only episode that lends Sam sympathy in the early part of the season. He follows it up with "Trial and Error"—where Sam promises to save Dean from suicidal thoughts. Loflin's first solo episode is what I would regard as the most scathing solo episode commentary on Sam in the entire series—"Citizen Fang". Then he writes again right after Dabb's "Trial and Error"—penning "Remember The Titans" where Sam tells Dean to get over the promise Sam so passionately made in Dabb's episode and face reality.

This is why we're exploring this rewatch.

DISCLAIMER: Now I just devolve into bitching because I'm writing at 3AM. Proceed at your own risk.

It seems like these days, everyone demands an explanation for disliking Dabb (something about some sort of destiel battle... I don't know what that flamewar is and I don't give a damn tbqh.) I guess I've just been wondering what's actually so great about him. Because it feels like people have overcorrected to basically acting like he's god's greatest gift to mankind. People point to how meta his episodes can be, but I think other writers easily best him on that front on multiple occasions (particularly enjoyed by me so far on this rewatch: 3.10 "Dream A Little Dream Of Me", 4.04 "Monster Movie", 4.12 "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag"), and without leaving their meaning so up in the air that you don't even know what the hell they were actually trying to tell you because there are two different completely incongruous narratives you could just as justifiably claim were the intended one. Some people may find that duality praise-worthy. I don't. I find it sloppy—and when I add in mediocre character work, I just land on the side of him being, at the very best, mid.

Add him in as showrunner, you have... at least two of my least favorite seasons (13 and 15). Add that he's a one-trick pony in terms of the Sam and Dean conflicts mentioned above that he continuously rehashes rather than come up with anything new or fresh, and the same conflicts between Dean and Cas being played out until they both die (shut UP I'm not talking about canon destiel as the alternative—I am literally just asking for more diverse conflicts). I can't say I understand what I''m supposed to find so impressive.

(Before anyone so much as breathes this near me, Berens also sucks and I am going to tear off your nose hairs if you start bringing him up as if disliking Dabb for some reason means wearing rose colored glasses about Berens. Berens can eat a whole cactus raw over "The Trap" alone.)

[okkotsuus]

Omg congrats on surpassing 1k followers! 💘

I just saw your milestone event and I would like to request these following prompts for Suguru!!

- you never told me that. i can't believe you never told me.

- you actually believed that shit?

- all i want is to deserve you. tell me what to do. i’ll do anything you say.

I don’t know if these prompts actually make sense together hahaha, so feel free to remove/change any of them!!

Anyways, congrats again and I hope more achievements come your way!

Have a nice day! <33

SOUL SPILLING (suguru g.) !

features: suguru geto

contents: angst. post-defection geto. pining. depictions of grief. 0.8k

notes: thank you love, i hope you have the most wonderful day!!

1000 followers event!

the day suguru officially left jujutsu tech was a day that was forever scarred in your memory. the vision of gojo shaking next to you, knuckles as white as his hair. his nails dug so deep into his palms that blood dripped down onto the floor beneath you.

yaga was also heartbroken, though he'd never allow it to show in front of his students. he played hardass, but you heard the tears he shed when he received the news.

satoru ran off in an instant, while you remained more calm. not because you were dealing with the news in any way that was sensible: but simply because the shock brought you to a standstill.

suguru had always been the moral compass for you second years. gojo didn't give a damn about anyone, shoko cared only about duty, and you often found yourself doubting whether it was worth it to be a sorcerer for people who cursed your existence as witchcraft. but never him.

he was perfect in every sense of the word. kind. charismatic. smart as a whip. suguru geto was the ideal.

but he had defected, slaughtered an entire village.

unlike gojo, the white-hot rage of betrayal didn't course through your veins, your heart didn't pound so loudly in your ears that it drowned out your senses.

because you knew suguru better than anyone, and there was no way in any world that he would ever do this without a proper reason.

so you waited, bode your time. there would be no massive fallout like he and satoru had. there would be no passing reunion like he had with ieiri. in the name of duty, you perservered, until fate brought the two of you together years later.

he finds you in the mountains while you're on a grade one mission, hunting an apparition that had been terrorizing hikers. like some sort of crooked martyr, he emerges from the underbrush, robes billowing in the wind. the firelight gleams against his skin, painting that beautiful picture your mind never allowed to rest.

topaz eyes find e/c in an instant, a smile crosses his face. it wasn't sincere, but it was something. something that left you craving more.

you find yourself patting the ground beside you, almost instinctually. there's a quirk to his brow before he obliges. there's a silence in the air, heavy and thick, as weighted as the arms-length between you.

"i suspected you despised me, y/n, there would be reason within it..." suguru speaks, finally shattering the wall that had been built between the two of you. it brigs a crooked smile to your face, idly shaking your head as you throw a rock into the flames.

as the sparks flicker up into the stars, you too find your lips moving. "you actually believed that shit?" a chuckle rings like bells in his ears as his eyes widen in response.

y/n hadn't hated suguru a day in their life, defection or not. that much was apparent in the lack of malice in those e/c irises, calm as the last day he had seen you. over three years ago.

just like old times, he brings words out of you before your mind can even move to stop him: like your soul was spilling before him. "i've loved you for years now, don't think anything could ever make me hate you. there is method to your madness, i am certain of this."

suguru has never been a man that was caught off-guard, it only ever happened twice before: when the monster toji zenin walked this earth, and when he entered that damned village out in sticks.

but, he finds his breath hitching once more in spite of everything, because it's you.

it's you telling him that you've always loved him.

"you never told me that... i can't believe you never told me." suguru whispers, looking straight at you, as if looking though you into your very soul: the same one that a'ways found its way to him. "all i want is to deserve you. tell me what to do. i'll do anything you say."

this time, it's him that finds his mouth moving before his mind. his eyes are soft, it's reminiscent of the suguru that walked beside you instead of away from you. because that's still who he is, regardless of the decisions he makes.

life be damned, he is still your suguru.

"i don't think you could ever be unworthy of me, suguru."

okkotsuus 24

[vilz]

hello obviously there isn't anything i can really do to control this (unfortunately i deleted a bunch of posts BEFORE turning off reblogs on them) but i would prefer that people did not circulate my posts from this blog any more... i appreciate that people are kind to me about my art, but that is just my request i suppose. this blog is unprivated now, and if you'd like to see what is still up you can look at them here. my ask box is also open but i will not be making any art posts here from now on. here is a little preemptive faq:

why did you leave?

i didn't feel comfortable or happy posting on this blog any more!

do you still make art? do you post it somewhere else?

yes. but i've been pulling away from posting very much online, and the things i'm interested in drawing nowadays are generally more private, so i won't be directing anyone there or anything. i don't consider my new blog to be a continuation of this one.

i know your new blog!

that isn't really that surprising since i didn't honestly put great effort into concealing it or anything. we are probably not friends, so i hold no sway over you, but i would still prefer you did not share it or treat me as if i am still "vilz who posts fnaf art". i'm just a whatever blogger who blogs about whatever things. also to be frank i do not think my new blog has anything that interesting for people who followed for the kind of art i used to post here. this is not an invitation to say "it is interesting!".

we are friends!

if we have not been in direct, mutual conversations i highly doubt that. i'm sorry if that hurts anyone's feelings.

why did you delete all your self ship art?

people seem to enjoy my self ship art a lot, which is very flattering, but i don't want people to be looking at them any more. i realize that they are still rebloggable and are still circulating around, which is nobody's fault but my own, but i would prefer they were not shared any more. i can't really do anything about it and i also don't blame anyone for reblogging those posts since it's obviously not something they would know, but yeah.

i saw your art on pinterest!

i did not and do not consent to my works being put on pinterest. the art from "vilz" has not been uploaded by me to any other website besides tumblr. if someone is posting my art from here on a different platform, they are doing so without permission.

i saw you on magma!

i still join magma boards sometimes lol. it's a fun site.

what about your ocs?

they are still my ocs. sometimes i still draw them. currently, i do not have any plans of posting my oc art online ever again. i would prefer that people did not reblog the oc art i have posted to this blog.

what about your fics?

all of my fics are still up on ao3 anonymously. they are: small mercies obscura floriography baying of lambs scrape bitch, bastard, bullshit almost human a dream, recurring countdown i'm very flattered and happy that people have left kind comments on these. thank you very much for reading the words of an amateur and for sharing an experience with me.

are you going to finish your uncompleted fics?

i would really like to say yes, because i care a great deal about aspects of them, but it's looking pretty unlikely. i lost all my files (and my calmlywriter key !!! always save your emails and receipts, everyone!!!) and also it's hard to feel motivated about them now. i guess i will leave this up in the air just to soothe my own feelings but in reality the answer is Probably Not.

are you going to post new fics?

i might, because i've been in a writing mood lately, but please don't expect anything. if i do, they will be anonymous on ao3. i will not post about them here or on any other blog.

i really liked your posts and blog!

thank you. i'm glad that people could feel that way about the things i made and thought about stuff i care about. irregardless, i would prefer that people did not share my old posts from this blog.

i will do it anyway.

i cannot stop you, so there isn't really any point in pleading. i just thought i'd make a little info post for people who are inquiring. after this, there won't be any "posts" from me. if there are relevant questions or messages i might reply to them or just update this post.

thank you for reading and for enjoying my blog. goodbye !!!

[tragicclownwrites]

Why the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" was great SquidBob fodder

Hello! I'm back with an analysis post as I came across something recently and wanted to share some thoughts.

I'm likely late to the game here, but I saw an old post in which the author (a fellow SquidBobber) was upset by the ending of "Sponge-Cano!" and I just have to say... huh!?

Were we watching the same episode? 🤨

Needless to say, I was thoroughly perplexed by this reaction because I personally read into it much differently. Then again, I am a clown.

Therefore - in the spirit of friendly fandom discourse - I wanted to provide another perspective on this episode. Absolutely no shade to the OP either - people are allowed to have differing opinions, after all.

If you're with me, let's clown around below the cut!

The lie that started it all

Before we dive in any further, let's take a look at the scene that started this whole conversation.

Essentially, after Squidward's heartfelt confession to SpongeBob, while he's hanging on for dear life over a boiling volcano...

Squidward: "Please SpongeBob, I didn't mean any of that! I do appreciate your friendship. I am grateful. I'm… I'm… I'm grateful for the life I'm living! Who knows how long I'll have it? I learned that from you, remember?"

He says this after being rescued by his true love SpongeBob:

Squidward: "You know SpongeBob, in light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I am not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!"

Now, this is the moment that had the OP so heated about this episode. After everything he said, after SpongeBob saved his life, he just... lied?

Weeeell, not exactly.

The truth always reveals itself

Now, for my hot take... I don't think Squidward was lying at all when he said he was grateful for SpongeBob.

Before you immediately decide that I've completely out-clowned myself this time, just hear me out!

There are a few reasons Squidward may have reacted the way he did in the aftermath of the volcano debacle.

He's Squidward

Our man's just lost his whole fucking house for the billionth time

The reality of what he just said is slowly catching up with him

He's Squidward

Unlike his more chipper counterpart, the guy doesn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve and has been shown to struggle with vulnerability and admitting failure. I mean, he can barely manage to apologize for his less savory actions without choking and sputtering like a fool!

However, when his life was on the line in this scene, he was vulnerable in more ways than one. Physically, he was quite literally dangling over an active volcano - you can't get more vulnerable than that! Emotionally, he bore his soul to SpongeBob because he thought he was going to die and wouldn't have another chance to say any of that again. Keep in mind, he truly believed he wouldn't live to see SpongeBob ever again.

I've mentioned this in my Reigisa x SquidBob masterpost, but there have been several other instances where - particularly, in a dire situation - Squidward will openly admit that he has always liked/cared for SpongeBob. And similarly, he's also tried to take it back or act like he didn't mean it when everything turns out okay or if other people aside from SpongeBob hear his confession.

So, as much as he "hates" SpongeBob and can't stand him, when it really counts, the truth always reveals itself.

Is it possible that he was just trying to play at SpongeBob's heartstrings to save his own ass? Perhaps.

But then, he accepts his fate. He loses his grip, giving everyone a tearful farewell. That is, until his little yellow angel comes to his rescue.

SpongeBob: "Squidward, I always knew you felt that way. Aw, buddy. Thanks for finally opening up to us."

⬆️Just look at the pure love in his eyes! (*Patrick voice*: LOOK AT IT!) The sappy sponge was even prepared to sacrifice himself for him. 🥺

While there was absolutely no way SpongeBob would actually let Squidward perish - promises be damned - it wasn't until Squidward poured his heart out, putting his true feelings towards SpongeBob out in the open, that he was saved from certain death.

You know how they say, "the truth will set you free"? No kidding!

As for why SpongeBob was completely fine with Squidward's lie after the fact (another point of contention for OP), well... he loves him. Period. And I think, despite his emotional constipation and frequent annoyance with the sponge in question, it's pretty clear Squidward loves him, too.

Therefore, SpongeBob wasn't upset by Squidward's outburst here because, as naïve as he may be, I don't think that fact is lost on him either.

In conclusion...

I think it's safe to say that "Sponge-Cano!" was a pretty great episode to add to the ever-growing SquidBob pile.

And if you thought the scene I talked about above was the last of it, ohohoho~ 🤭😏

You. Just. Wait.

At the very end of the episode, after Squidward loses his home and complains that he no longer has "a roof to sleep under anymore," SpongeBob does what SpongeBob does best: he offers to help him out.

Even after Squidward's selfish actions in "Can You Spare a Dime?" (which had some great fodder as well, such as *ahem* Squidward making SpongeBob wear a sexy maid outfit), SpongeBob still lets him stay at his house for an indefinite amount of time. Continuity? I don't know her.

To which, this gets even better.

Squidward doesn't refuse and find somewhere else to crash. After all, wasn't SpongeBob the reason he was miserable enough to be sacrificed in the first place? Why would he subject himself to even more SpongeBob, if that were the case?

At SpongeBob's house, he doesn't sleep on the couch or in a spare room. He doesn't even take SpongeBob's bed for himself while SpongeBob sleeps elsewhere - just like he did in "Can You Spare a Dime?"

NO.

The two of them share SpongeBob's bed. As in, they sleep in the same bed together.

Are these two fucking serious!?

They totally cuddled. Maybe even kissed.

All that to say, as much as Squidward whines and gripes about how much SpongeBob makes him miserable, it's clear to see that - even in the face of life-threatening adversity - SpongeBob's presence in his life is the key to his happiness. In this case, the key to his survival as well.

Now, if only our favorite grumpy octopus would take that spongey key, embracing him fully, to unlock that door... 🌈

[ardienothesieno]

SPECULATING ABOUT THE WATCHER

Wanted to make my own analysis post, as I've seen some comments on other sites pointing out things but nothing here so far... AND I AM TOO DEEP IN THE BRAINROT TO NOT ANALYZE THIS EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT. SO.

I would like to mention that I have not played any modded regions! So if there are certain details that I make note of in the screenshots that have explanation in their original mods, please feel free to correct me!!

STARTING OFF WITH THE TRAILER:

Rot tendrils. Rot tendrils on the ceiling... just casually... that's totally not concerning...

The blue lizard only has two toes on each foot!

The background of this first shot looks like it might be on an iterator structure? There are some support beams but other then that it's just clouds.

The spears that the scavenger is carrying are kind of weird... for one, they're white. And one of them has a large, almost pinecone-shaped tip.

Also they have a crack in their face/mask.

what the pole plant doin

The Watcher doesn't seem to have a nose? That's probably just an art style thing, but I thought I'd mention it. Also their eyes are glowing.

Even the title font has implications. whoa.

For one, more rot. The rot has now made a double appearance and that probably guarantees its significance here...

And plants... Leaves and some vines.

The way that the black screen transitions to a white one is very rot-esce to me. Rot triple appearance...

There seems to be some graffiti on the right side of the final shot? It's obstructed by the visual effects in the foreground, however.

Once again Watcher is depicted without a nose BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT BECAUSE THIS SCREEN HAS IMPLICATIONS

Watcher is floating. Normally I'd mark this off as "cool title screen choice" but they're also surrounded by ECHO PARTICLES.

And the warping around the Watcher and the title? THE OUTMOST RIPPLES HAVE GOLD VEINS RUNNING THROUGH THEM. THE VOID IMPLICATIONS...

And this might be a stretch but the palette of this final image is black and gold... void colors...

OKAY THATS MOST OF THE TRAILER

ONTO THE STEAM DESCRIPTION:

Rain World: The Watcher is a DLC expansion of Rain World. Journey beyond to something, somewhere only ever glimpsed. When the world beneath your feet cracks and crumbles, will you hold on to all you once knew? Or dive into the unknown? The wilds that await will be unlike all that's come before. Unknown creatures stalk and climb and dive and hunt. New breeds rip and pluck and burrow and hide. Predator and prey redefined. And through the middle of it all, a lonely lost slugcat trying their best to outlast the ravages of a warped world.

Do... do I even have to say anything?

THE VOID IMPLICATIONS!! HOLY MOTHER OF SCUGS THE *VOID IMPLICATIONS!!!!*

"Journey beyond to something, somewhere only ever glimpsed. When the world beneath your feet cracks and crumbles, will you hold on to all you once knew? Or dive into the unknown?" YOU READ THIS AND TELL ME THIS DOESN'T HAVE VOID SEA VIBES. Journey BEYOND to something, somewhere only ever glimpsed... it feels very void-y to me. And the talk about the world beneath you crumbling-- holding on to what you once knew or diving into the unknown?? If this somehow ISN'T related to ascension I would be shocked

"And through the middle of it all, a lonely lost slugcat trying their best to outlast the ravages of a warped world." This line about the world being warped, as well... I'm thinking this DLC might either have to do with Rubicon, or have to do with the encroach of the void sea consuming the world from below.

Other then the void implications, it sounds like we'll be seeing some new creatures that could completely redefine the game. I'm excited to see where that goes.

OKAY. SCREENSHOTS. LETS GO.

I know these are from pre-existing mods, but I'm completely unfamiliar with said mods and don't know if any of this means anything. Just wild speculation, pretty much.

Gonna start with these two because they're kinda visually similar. On the left we have desert!!!! Cacti!! Cactuses!!!!! I've seen lots of people calling the image on the right snow, but that doesnt feel right to me. We saw snow in Saint and I do not remember it looking like... that. The first thing that comes to mind for me is Kingdom's Edge from Hollow Knight, and the drifts of ash that pile up there? If this is the case then it confirms several of my lore theories and I would so love that to be the case. There's also a collapsed structure in the back of the "snowy" image, which looks to me a bit like a train car?

Also I've now seen several people calling these milk... and I can't unsee it now...

I've been told by several sources that these screens are from preexisting mods! I think these are from Stormy Coast, Coral Caves, and Aether Ridge? At least that's what I've picked up from searching through other discussions. I don't have too much to comment on here! I think these rooms are cool, and I really like the fans in the Aether Ridge room!

...oh no... acid region..? I don't know why, but this room gives me Shoreline vibes. Also I do not think bubble fruit are supposed to grow that perfectly--

And finally... what I think has the possibility of either being a huge lore thing, or a complete false alarm. Well for starters it's purple

But there are no iterator cans in the background. We're above the clouds here; in every above-the-clouds show from the base game and Downpour, you can see iterators and communication towers off in the distance. There's nothing here. And I don't think this takes place near or after Saint, because there's no confirmed snow. And I think a lot of these structures would be far worse for wear if this were so far in the future that the planet has warmed again. So. Uh. That's pretty odd.

Again, these all might be from mods that I am unfamiliar with, so please correct me if I'm misinterpreting anything!!

AND THAT CONCLUDES MY ANALYSIS FOR NOW!

tl,dr-- This DLC is gonna be crazy. Also void

[projectnomoho]

The Spectacle(d Cormorant) - an informative post about an underrated extinct bird

(Artwork by me. Halfly based on the artwork by Joseph Wolf.)

Just something out of the ordinary from before. I am getting tired from posting all those comics and stuff on here, so here's a repost of my depiction of one of my all-time favorite extinct birds - the life, the moment, the spectacle itself - the spectacled (or Pallas's) cormorant, as well as a bunch of facts about it below this because I care about this bird so much and will protect it with all my life if it still existed.

You may ask, why am I so into this nerdy-looking bird? It's not like it's THAT special or anything - we still have at least 40 other cormorant species alive on earth - 3 of them in the same genus as the spectacled cormorant.

The reason is simple - no one ever talks about it or even has an idea on what it is, even though humans were the sole cause of its extinction. (And believe it or not, cormorant culling IS still a thing, but that's a different story for now.)

(Specimen kept at the Naturalis Biodiversity Center in Leiden, the Netherlands.)

Large, stupid, clumsy, ludicrous in looks. That was how others, including Georg Steller, the discoverer of the bird, described the spectacled cormorant. It was, perhaps, the largest of all cormorants known to exist, rivalling the Galápagos flightless cormorant in length, but was way heavier than the latter. Due to its large size, it was probably flightless, but studies of its wings have shown that it was more likely reluctant to do so due to its lack of natural predators (besides Arctic foxes) while residing in its former habitat - the Commander/Komandorski Islands in Kamchatka Krai of Russia. Occasionally, some of these birds would get lost and end up on the Kamchatka Peninsula, which led to its consumption by the locals.

However, it wasn't until the 1820s when their extinction was hastened. The Russian-American Company started to transfer Unangan (Aleut) people to the islands, and, to no surprise, they found this cormorant easy to hunt. As Steller said on his journey in 1741, the spectacled cormorant was also rather delicious, unlike most other cormorants. Along with how it was abundant on the Commander Islands, this was most likely the exact reason why the Unangan people consumed it whenever they could not catch enough fish to sell or feed their families.

That marked the end of the legacy of the spectacled cormorant. It vanished from the islands and the world in the 1850s, and was never heard from anyone ever again.

(Artwork by J. G. Keulemans.)

The reason why it might have been forgotten by man was probably due to there only being six known specimens of this bird collected (all apparently by the same person, Governor Kuprianof), and only one or two of those specimens are currently up for display in the whole world.

The spectacled cormorant died like the dodo, but unlike the dodo, it was quickly forgotten by the people who caused its rapid extinction. By the time we wanted to care about it, it was already gone.

170+ years have passed. People like me still remember this bird, wanting to do anything to bring it back to life, or just imagining it while it was still in its glory - plummeting into the cold seas to catch a mouthful of fish, as it clumsily swims back to the shore to dry its wings. A beautiful bird that met a rather depressing fate.

[sgiandubh]

He's a grown man, not a boy. He also didn't do anything. Blaming him for being manipulative is unnecessary. He posted nothing, and he said nothing. This was not Hawaii 2.0. If those across the street had something going on in their life, instead of spending all their time searching across the internet for women he's acquainted with to harrass, we'd all be better off. In a lot of ways, some shippers are just as bad as antis, always at the ready to call him names and tell him to grow up. As old timers around here say time and time again: wait awhile, and things make sense.

Dear Blaming Anon,

I hope you realize I call S The Boy with my very own & personal brand of sarcastic (but deep) tenderness. Perhaps I was unclear or you have not seen the pictures of myself I have repeatedly posted around (one of my best decisions ever!), but unlike many in here, I am just two years older than S. That allows me to have a completely chilled out perspective (really!) and a less alarmist eye on some shenanigans (nothing I have not heard of people, well, our age, LOL).

Why would you infer I blamed him for anything is beyond me. I was merely stating the obvious: a clearly staged away match, with a script delivered via Inbox by PR and spun by the Chorus. Might I remind you, comfortable watcher, that Anon who tried to intimidate me, because I clearly hit many nerves around?

You can only blame someone if you consider he or she owes you something. Unlike many people here, I do not think These Two owe us anything at all. They do owe many things to Themselves, but that is another story and not mine to tell: I am not here for this, sorry.

It is true, he said nothing of his whereabouts. But he did post, may I remind you, the MPC Instalive that started the whole long-scripted ballet of humming, and shuffling and going to the dentist's (every time there is something to 'disclose') and delaying posting for US primetime (every time there is something to 'disclose'). I mean, LOL - the French call it comédie boulevardière and the Anglo-Saxons, vaudeville. In 2024, we call it Tumblr. By saying nothing, he conveniently let it flow and grow. Why? Because busy hands are happy hands.

Just like you, I am watching from the sidelines and find the plot wanting.

And that is all I will say for the moment. As I already suggested, I keep my little assassin ironies for the dénouement of this Jedi Duel in the making.

This difference between old timers and newbies will always make me smile. It reminds me of the internecine Communist skirmishes between the Illegals (many of the Eastern European Communist Parties were outlawed, in the Interwar period, primarily because they were infested with Soviet spies) and the Reformers (people born in the 1930s and 1940s and thus, lacking those 'aristocratic' credentials). If History serves, they both lost the propaganda war. Let's not make this same #silly mistake and keep united.

[astarionfixation]

Chapter 6: "It won’t hurt but a moment, darling"

Part of "Am I Fu**ing Insane !?!" A multi chapter adventure in Astarion’s mind

Rating: Mature for mentions of sex and blood

CW mentions of sexual assault, sex trafficking, panic attacks

Word count count: 6.5k yep, I was away for a week but at least I come bearing gifts words

Pairings: Astarion X OFC Tav

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54356776/chapters/138874459

I have a quite serious praise kink. Which also means compliments in the forms of tags and/or comments might very well spur me to write and post more

** Thoughts "" Dialogue - - Remarks ++ Quotes / Memories

The scene at the inn looks extremely familiar and he's sure some corners of it resemble quite accurately the night before. Except his delusional hopes to find a solution to his current parasite predicament have all but dissolved, yet maybe shape shifted towards an unlikely alliance with her. Small, insignificant human that she is, yet each and every one of his companions seems to have a fascination with her.

And indeed, he catches her eye from across the room, as their accidental mutual friends are buzzing around her, certainly grateful to have their health and strength back without apparent consequences from the night before. And he is sure it's just gratefulness but from the way he sees the wizard getting closer and familiar to her, hand on her shoulder that drops to her hip, certainly with the excuse of the crowd around her, surely he lowers his head and gets his filthy mouth way too close to her ear to make her hear whatever he thinks will impress her.

He finds his teeth gritting and he swears it's just because 

*No one gets to tamper with my food!*

In that instant it is almost too convenient that this lovely, smiling barmaid seems intent to care only for whatever he is going to ask, forgetting every other shouting creature that demands her attention for another pint of anything.

“How may I serve you, my lord”

And he has to bite his tongue not to laugh at the epithet, despite how convenient his looks have been in gaining him access to every place -and person- he has ever set his eyes upon.

“Well sweet thing” he begins with his mellifluous tone set to persuade fairies to give up their own light for him. A long, delicate finger reaches for a strand of her straw like hair and wraps around it, inviting her closer so he can whisper to her.

“I would be so, very very grateful if you could get me two glasses of the most precious drink you offer in this fine establishment”

His movements are studied and rehearsed and his brain might as well focus on the corner of his eye, searchin for Her and considering options to send back to Waterdeep different pieces of the mage in different boxes if his excuse for a flirt does not promptly focus on someone, anyone else but Her. He's not jealous, of course not, *of him?!??* And he knows, from her lips, from her mind how all of herself is pulled to him.

*It was my name on her lips last night! My name on her darn little book! Not any wizard from Waterdeep or otherwise!*

He's brought back by the clinking sound of two goblets that are definitely more elegant and rich looking than anything anyone else is holding in the tavern, and he knows once again how far his simple charm can get him. The girl is smiling at him, full of hope, pulling herself closer from behind the bar so that her bosom is almost obscenely exposed in front of him. And he would be lying if he didn't admit to the flattery it always was to see people stumble upon their own feet in an effort to please him, to be chosen by him for the night, blissfully unaware of how that meant their luck had turned on them forever.

A dark flash threatens to take away his attention from the scene and he knows it's much better not to linger on memories. In one of his exaggerated movements he finds the hand of the girl to bring to his lips, his eyes fixed on her cornflower ones. He plants a long, wet kiss that holds so many promises, none of which he will keep, and he lingers a moment longer so she can have her fill of his attention. As he slowly pulls away his index finger goes to tuck a strand of her hair just behind her ear, brushing lightly on her skin and he can tell already: a word and he would have her, she probably wouldn't even make it upstairs. He holds her gaze and her trembling lips just barely audible let him know that

“Not to worry my lord, it's on the house”

*Of course it is, why do you think we were playing this game, darling?*

His hand swiftly abandons her hair to grasp at the glasses, his work done. As he turns around to find in which ways he will have to skin the mage, he realises his lips are way too close to her ear, but her eyes are fixed on… himself. And they are somewhat even darker than usual? The look on her face he would have called imperturbable yesterday reveals something akin to disturbance today.

*Maybe I will actually have to skin the wizard tonight if he's the reason of her bother*

His head moves slightly towards the stairs to give her a sign and immediately he sees her wriggle out of her company and towards the path that leads to the upper floor. 

*Still such an obedient little thing*

And he is only too happy to follow.

—-------

“What was that? What did you tell her? Did you give away your secret so easily just hoping she would let you drink from her?!?!”

He's genuinely confused, it takes him a moment to realise she must be referring to the barmaid that he already barely remembers. What did she have the impression was happening? Doesn't she know how he speaks and addresses everyone? How his charm is the one thing he has to keep in control of every exchange? 

*Or is she actually Jealous?*

And as he closes the door of her room behind him, the glasses resting now on a surface, he begins to slowly circle -stalk- her just as he just did that afternoon at the glade, his eyes and smile focused completely on her agitated self, the soft traits of her face trying their best to look upset, yet all he can think is just…

*How adorable…*

But this time she's following his movements and turns around to look at him, her back now to the door, and the corner of his lip might be pulling ever so slightly as he considers the possibility of this ruse being just that, that familiarly naughty side of his brain already envisioning her throwing herself at him as they both fall on the bed and

*I might actually let her ride*

“If this is your way of offering yourself instead my dear, I thought we were already clear on the matter. But don't let me stop your plans of persuasion. In fact…”

He takes a step closer and his hand knows already where to find that sweet, pulsating spot just behind her ear, the idea of tearing at the skin and finally finding her sweetness without the need to imagine any longer makes him swallow emptily in anticipation, and his fingers are almost tingling due to the warmth of her skin being so close now and his muscles tense ready to pull her in, fangs almost bared when… she takes a step back?

*What is she playing at? We both know she wants this, she wants me…*

“Come now darling, there's really no need to play coy, at this point it would be only be a waste of time considering what we already shared”

The honey in his words betrays a slight irritation at the distance she put between them, his tone every bit the charming one he has rehearsed thousands of times and has never once failed him.

And thankfully! Thankfully, going through the pages of that little insignificant book allowed him to fill the gaps in ways he truly had no idea.

But now he knows, he has seen it in her eyes, transfixed on him despite the blood, or perhaps exactly because of it.

“But if it pleases your wounded pride you can tell me all about your protestations from your sweetly plump lips while I relieve you of every. single. piece. of clothing. that stands between my mouth and your lovely skin. Because that's what you want, isn't it?” 

He knows how to punctuate and accentuate every word to paint an image.

And not that the mere idea isn’t inviting, he feels his own reaction both in his stomach and his crotch. The notion that, for once, he would actually enjoy taking something -He- wanted, -He- needed, for -himself- and not for anyone’s command or amusement, is almost reason enough to make this the version of the story he committed to.

“Don’t tell me that is not exactly what you envisioned whilst you…. How was it?”

And consequences be damned! Let this be a good use of that little vexing book, to cut any avenue she might think of going up to escape her own desire for him. 

“ ‘Lay yourself down with my Voice pouring honey in your ears?’ No need to imagine my dear, in fact let me show you…”

*I will not be denied, and I won't let you deny yourself either sweet thing*

This is as good a version as any if it will get him access to her blood, maybe even her body because surely…

“I can't believe the privilege that has been afforded to you to still behave like a child and have people find it charming!”

He is so used to leading the game that this interruption comes too abruptly to leave her unscathed by his anger at seeing his plans crushed. 

And if throwing her own words at her didn't make her confess her own desire for him,  there is certainly more to use and hurt her from what he can remember of the little insignificant book. Something they share even. His voice comes out as sweet as the choice of words is cruel

“Oh you want to talk about childhood, do you? Do you want to go over how incredibly wise and mature you were “for your age”, darling? How that clever little mind of yours justified every kind of attention you were at the receiving end of because you were just… too enticing” 

He inhales to punctuate the next words 

“and how flattering that felt for you.”

He went too far. He knows it before he spits out the last word. He can see her jaw clenching and the deep inhale she takes, seemingly vexed whilst really, her heartbeat is telling a different story about the exquisite way his words were just the extension of his dagger at times.

Quick scenarios flash in his mind's eye, 

*Is she going to cry? Is she going to storm out? Can she have anything in her arsenal to hit me back with?*

and to that his body stiffens like a spring ready to jump and react, as if any words she next throws at him could physically hit him

*Because isn't it just what I've done to her?*

It was right, it was fair, and he stood up straight with a hint of pride on his face because no stepping down now could mend her from the hurt his words just inflicted on her. He knew exactly what it had touched, he remembered every single *fucking* word he had committed to memory that night he first had his hands on her book. On her mind. He will not admit he even considered the idea they could have bonded over their shared trauma…

“Get out”

*No. No no no! This is all wrong! Where's the attack? Where are the words I can sneak around and throw back at her?! I need to build her up to crush her down! No!*

The fear of losing her anxiety-inducing presence fills his thoughts with venom, and if whatever this was has to come crashing down now, she can be sure she'll get as much damage as the loss of her brings to him.

“Well fine then, I'm sure it won't take me long to find someone kind enough to share their bed and blood with me tonight, in fact you're right, I might just go looking for that lovely barmaid again, she was so eager to please. Believe me darling, I won't be left out in the cold”

Her eyes narrow.

“You're delusional, as if you're the gods gift to every pretty girl who would open her arms and legs to you”

And that's it, that right there is the space between words that he knows will hurt just right, a cold sharp hit from the throat to that spot just above her heart that decides where her lovely colour and warmth will spread next. His crimson eyes narrow and he moves closer to her and when he's just about to move past her and grab the door handle he whispers with his head just slightly bent, so that his breath can hit her skin as much as his words will her heart

“Well… looking at you darling… I thought it was fairly obvious: she doesn't have to be pretty”.

He can feel how her body tensed up. How a strained sound gets trapped in her throat and a sharp inhale through gritted teeth have her swallow. The light of the candles is strangely reflected slightly more intensely by the corner of her eyes and that is how he knows the blow has hit just right and a strange satisfaction takes over in his chest, making him walk just a bit taller, just a bit prouder because all those decades using his body to get what his master demanded turned him into the perfect offering to anyone's desires and the least of his problems will indeed be to find someone, anyone, ready to take him in, if only he's available to give them anything and everything they might want that his body can provide. It doesn't even matter, he won't even have to think, his body has been marked and bent sinuously so many times his mind doesn't have to be there to give anyone anything they might want. Tonight won't be anything more or less special than that and the price for a warm place to sleep *maybe warm blood to drink* is something that comes as second nature to him.

He's out of the door and his feet guide him automatically towards the stairs, his mind trying to focus on the faces of any of the patrons of the inn whose sight might have already lingered a moment too long on him because that's how he knows, how he has always known that his job will be easier, his elegant form already paving the way towards a comfortable place to spend the night in as soon as he gives them what they want, and they all want the same thing anyway. His head shakes as if his mind better not dig further at that thought, and as he takes the first step down he finds his body slouching down instead, coming to sit on the step as his head bends down between his own knees, his long delicate fingers shaking as they pull at the back of his neck so that his head falls just lower and lower.

And among the flashes his mind offers of all the times he had to offer his body as the matter of an exchange for his own survival, a corner of his brain screams at the door now closed behind him and 

*how could she let me go out in the cold again??!?*. 

His shoulders shrug as he tries to make himself smaller. Maybe spending the night on the stairs is just as acceptable, easier, safer for everyone and safer for him, and how deep his mind must have kept him, attempting to avoid memories of useful seduction techniques coming back to him, to not hear her steps, if not her heartbeat, until the warmth of her hand is once again scorching his neck and he flinches too suddenly for his unaffected facade to remain unbroken.

He tries to turn around, his arms still protecting his face, wrapped around his knees and just his crimson eyes and dark circles peek through, looking at her in a way that might seem unthreatening enough that now her arms have gone circling around his shoulders… and it all suddenly feels warmer and there’s also something… weird, something he can't quite pinpoint, but something that feels like there’s no requirement for each and every one of his senses and instincts to be ready to react.

She breathes loudly, louder than even her need for air requires, and the noise alone should be annoying but after a few breaths he realises his own body is following her rhythm even without the need for it, but the slow, measured breaths are bringing an unexpected calm that washes over his tensed muscles, his jaw unclenches and the grip of his own arms around his knees, so tight he didn't realise it made him tremble, is now getting flushed.

*Because if she has her arms around me I don't need to hold on anymore*

The thought is fleeting and he will deny thinking that, but in the next exhale his body finally relaxes into her warm embrace. She hasn't said anything, done anything but holding him and guiding his breath with her own, and while a slight fear crosses his mind -because if she is to hit him with any word now, he would certainly dissolve- he’s also so tired of the charade by this point he can’t hold onto his persona anymore. It comes as a whisper that a part of him still feels betrayed by sharing, because it is the truth and how will that not be ammunition for her to use at a later time?

But his breath is not his own now, following in unison with hers and so the words escape his pale bloodless lips anyway

“I'm sorry, I couldn't do it, I'm sorry”

She leaves the silence holding space in the air for what feels like an eternity after his shameful confession, but he can suddenly feel her arms pulling him tighter to her. Crouching next to him, his head finds a way to nestle in the crook of her neck where he instinctively inhales deeply and the scent of mulled wine and flowers fills his entire being once again, and besides bringing back a hunger pang down in the depth of his stomach, there is now something almost soothing about what's become so familiar and intrinsically associated with her. He must be so stupid to allow himself to feel what seemingly resembles safety, if nothing else because he never knew what that actually meant, but he's so tired. Tired in a way no rest or trance can bring him peace and so even if her warmth is a lie he's making his peace with it, he'll pay the price in time, but for now he can just slightly rub the tip of his nose on that pulsating spot just behind her ear, her scent emanating from it as a sweet siren song for the beast his fangs belong to, but not without an unexpected and reassuring comfort to some other side of himself, something he hasn't felt stirring in such a long time that he had no reason to believe was still there.

The silence, filled only by their breaths, has become so familiar he might be convinced the stairs could be a welcome spot to spend the night if she keeps holding him like this, but that's when his own train of thought is interrupted by her low whisper 

“Come on, come back, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry too”

And at that he shouldn't feel the warmth radiate from every spot their bodies are in contact with each other down to the centre of his stomach, but it does and it's as unfamiliar as it is pleasant. His body follows hers as her arms still circle him and help him to his feet, his head still following her scent, by convenience that also means his eyes don't have to raise from the floor to meet hers and that makes going back to her room easier.

She helps him to sit at the edge of the bed and that's when her arms retract their support and the loss of warmth feels incredibly wrong. With furrowed brows his eyes look for her to understand what he's done wrong to lose her embrace but they find hers as they seem to be just roaming across his shoulders to the leather atop his shirt. His shoulders move almost of their own volition and the leather is quickly discarded on the floor. She suddenly crouches down on the floor and the movement catches him by surprise, not sure what he should brace himself for until he realises her hands are reaching for his boots.

She might have sensed his discomfort because her next movement is announced by her voice before it happens

“I'm just going to help you out of these so you can lay down and rest if you want, is that alright?”

And he finds himself nodding before the end of that sentence makes it to his ears, the finesse with which her fingers are pulling and undoing his old boots is not something that aligns with a thing that has been broken and torn down too many times to repair and yet the careful way her hands find the way to undo them make it seem like she's dealing with something of invaluable worth.

He's slightly transfixed looking at her movements that only when her eyes meet his again, only then he realises she's done, and with a bit of uncertainty she's back up on her feet.

“Rest here, I will be on the chair and we can talk more tomorrow if you want”

But his hand goes immediately to grab her wrist because the idea of losing that safe feeling her warmth gives him now just isn't something he's ready to do without. He pulls wordlessly until she's sitting next to him on the edge of the bed and that's when he scoots back until his back hits the headboard and then his arm extends towards her in a silent invitation.

He can't read her expression but within seconds he doesn't need to because she's removing her own boots and 

*surely she didn't mean to crawl across the bed to reach me in any way other than functional* 

but another part of his brain seems to stir now at the sight of her on all fours moving slowly *languidly* towards him, until she's taken the invite and nestles her body between his extended arm and chest, her own arm now circling at the back of his neck.

“Is this…? I can't… nothing needs to happen, we can just rest, I am here for you”

And that sounds way too much like a challenge for his body not to stir, pulling her closer so that his nose can finally trace her hairline down to her ear again. Until the memory of her words make him shiver

+He holds a grace in the tiny bone of his wrists that clerics cannot give on freedays+

And it's both consoling and disappointing that the moment he can lose himself in her scent again, feeling her body so close to his, the words she chose to describe him come back to his mind, blessed with the curse of an impossible detailed memory that in this occasion lets him know, beyond what she could say out loud, all the ways in which her body, but most importantly her mind, have been devotedly dreaming of him, in a way that lets him know for the first time in his whole life and undeath, that someone other than himself cares about his existence, not only his survival.

*Maybe just as long as I can grant her immortality too, but still, she needs me now as I need her*

He nods as his head is nestled between her jaw and her shoulder, certainly agreeing but also to spur another whiff of that delicious scent only her skin, hair, sweat and blood could conjure, and that's when another side of him replies in a low, trembling tone coming from his chest

“I promise I won't go too far… but please…”

And with that plea his lips part slightly, his teeth now brushing against that pulsating spot with a rhythm that's been hypnotising him since the beginning of this game. His lips closing upon it in something it would surely resemble a kiss and at that moment, with a wonderful whimper escaping her lips, her head turns just enough so that she can look at him with the corner of her deep, dark eyes, her lips barely parted with a slightly faster breath coming and going through them and now he's almost overwhelmed because it was easier to focus just on that one little spot that meant finally knowing what bliss it could be to feed his deep seated hunger, and yet now the same wonder takes hold when envisioning her lips giving way to his, how easily they would part to give him access, how soft would her body truly be, pliable to his every need and desire, truly begging to be his and sate any and every hunger of his, because he knows, she said it in so many words, all circling in his mind and 

+I will skip, stumble and fall, he’s the blinded fool and I’m content to stand by

I’ll be the conspicuously deranged lover of the air he walks past+

And he has a right at that to concede to the delusion that she might actually be infatuated with him for no other reason than his existence. For a moment he will believe whatever she saw in him was before she could realise anything about his immortality. For a moment he decides to believe her words, committed to paper in that little precious book that was never meant for anyone else's eyes, and that she is head over heels for him just because he's a worthy creature, just like every one of his conquest wanted to believe they were special to him, whilst he hardly remembered their name the morning after.

“it's alright, you can feed” 

the words bring him back and carry a rush to his head filled with a million visions of her body, soft, supple and compliant, all the ways his hands and lips could roam those curves that gave him vertigo at the mere thought of, every way he could make her moan and coax pleasure out of her until she could feel as desperate for him and he did her now, every image fights for dominance and 

*does it really matter where I start as long as I can explore each and every inch of her that’s covered in skin?* 

his lips trembling, tracing closer to her and he’s finally about to taste the gates of her breath when her words hit him again

“but we can’t kiss”

His teeth have to clench because he will not lose his mind over this mere mortal toying with his needs! His eyes tighten to mere slits and his fingers are gripping so tightly to her shirt that surely in a moment the tearing sound will be echoing through the room. She has been playing him all along! She’s just doing this to mortify him and she doesn’t understand what she’s done to him! As his hands release the grip on her clothes he finds his nose trailing back to her neck, now tracing her collarbone with his hungry lips and

*If it’s a challenge you want, a challenge you’ll get love*

He nods so that his soft curls are now certainly tickling her jaw and neck, and he can tell from the way the breath has now escaped her lips that his plan is already working. His fingers roam to find the hem of her shirt and disappear beneath that, finding the stark contrast of the warmth of the skin on her sides, slowly tracing with his tips and nails to her bellybutton. Another sharp breath through her lips and she swallows emptily, and he can feel that just under his lips as they are tracing at her neck still.

“Astarion, did you hear me? You can’t…”

“I’ll do you one better darling, I promise I won’t touch any part of your body, for any reason other than feeding”

*two can play at this game*

He feels her swallowing again against his mouth and now he knows he can gently move his entire body to fit against hers. A leg between hers so that she can surely feel the response of his body, but even with half his chest pressed against hers, his fingers keep roaming her sides, down to her hips and disappearing again under the shirt, halting and changing their course just a moment before they are to brush against the soft underside of her breasts.

He can almost trace the curve and he can tell from her heartbeat that, despite her words, he’s not the only one who's hungry for the other

*but you wanted to play and gods I can make this a torturing little game for you too, my sweet*

An audible gasp escapes her lips now that his lips have locked onto a spot for a moment longer, and she might be expecting his fangs now, yet her body does not stiffen in anticipation for the pain, and that is all the more encouragement for him lo leave a soft, long, obscenely sounding kiss just where her neck meets her shoulder. The sudden jolt that travels her entire body confirming what he already knows 

*your body is aching for me*

and so his lips keep leaving a soft and wet trail of kisses everywhere on her skin, coming down her shoulder and arms and back to her collarbone, while his fingers trace her sides still, and in a moment, when her back arches to meet his lips, he swiftly goes to pull her shirt down past her shoulder leaving her left side exposed, her breasts almost visible but her nipple still covered by the strained collar of the shirt.

*I need to taste you, I need to have you*

At that sight his body betrays him, as another unnecessary mouthful of nothing gets swallowed and he feels his cock twitch pressed against her hips, heaving at the rhythm of her breath. Part of him knows he needs to get this over and done quickly or he won't be able to keep his promise, but at the same time he loves to coax out that side of her that spent all that time thinking 

*dreaming of me* 

The part of her that is now, surely kept prisoner by whatever silly, self imposed rule she decided to lock herself behind. 

*let’s see how long for* 

When his hand reaches up, under her shirt, his nails start to trace the skin just around her breast and a deep moan erupts from her lips carrying his name in a way he never before loved as much

“Astarion!”

The corner of his lips pull just enough, because no matter what she said, he can feel she wants him in more ways than one, and as his nail dig just a hint too much in that delicate area just on the valley between her breasts, she exhales sharply and now he finds her breath to breathe her in, his face so close to hers that nothing is in focus, the tip of his nose grazing hers and he is now making an effort to keep enough distance between their lips yet she is likely unaware of how her mouth is reaching out to his.

*your rules, my love*

His lips trace back to her cheek and down to her ear to whisper as his nails trace her skin from the centre of her chest to that soft area south of her collarbone but still not close enough to her nipple

“Your blood just reaches out to me and blooms every time my nails press and trace just… like… that”

And the way her body arches at his words brings that soft, supple spot just atop of her breast too close to his lips to refuse now. He finds himself surprised at the idea that the first time he’s tasting her is not to give in to the delicious tempting bit behind her ear, but his mouth is now watering beyond anything he has ever experienced, his lips just sucking at that speckle of skin just south of her collarbone, where he can feel the rhythm of her heart so loudly that the distraction is almost enough to ignore that her nipple is inexorably poking through the shirt, just against his chin

“It won’t hurt but a moment darling” 

and then two runaway words follow with 

“forgive me” 

barely breathed out.

Both words escaped his lips like traitors that were not meant for her ears, but that's quickly out of his mind when finally his fangs can break the thin resistance that the soft skin of her breasts was valiantly putting up. 

The warm liquid hitting his tongue sets off an explosion in his mind, makes him realise he has never learnt enough words to describe the absolute perfection that the taste of thinking creatures could bring to his lips, it would take a poet rather than a thief like himself to describe the complexity and richness of the thick liquid that caresses his insides, from his mouth and down his throat where finally the thirst is quenched, and when it fills his stomach every single part of his body feels… relief… every muscle fills with renewed vigour he didn’t know his body could posses, and suddenly he feels his own cheeks, his own fingertips still digging in her softness, getting closer to her warmth, and the flavour is so inebriating that no part of him seems to remember anything that ever happened before her blood traversed his own veins and so feeling his own hips thrust against hers feels just like the most natural consequence of that bliss that's permeating every single part of his body. The softness of her body, even with fabric still separating their legs, makes him aware of the stark contrast with his own, his hip bones as much as his own hardness relishing in the pressure his body needs now, needs to feel as if she could be all around every single part of him. The train of thoughts is becoming so warm and fuzzy while his mouth is still indulging in a mouthful of the ambrosia spilling from her veins when a low whimper from her mouth makes him realise she's gone limp in his arms.

*shit!*

A shred of lucidity comes back to him and he forces himself to end the first moment of true perfection he has experienced in all of his existence. He plants a kiss on the punctures on her breast, gently closing them, and his hand reaches to cup her cheek, her head lulling to the side with slightly parted lips from which her breath comes in faint irregular gasps.

She is magnificent, the most beautiful creature his senses have ever witnessed, her life essence coursing through his veins maybe makes him more compliant to her and only her but suddenly he wishes he could pour every loving word and sign of affection he ever had to master to give it proper significance. Her flavour is more intoxicating than anything her bouquet tried to announce about her. There surely is no life nor undeath to ever be considered if it has to be without the smooth, velvety liquid that traverses her entire being, and now his as well. He should tell her, he wants to and words are about to betray him again when *thankfully* he manages to keep them all in, while only relinquishing a soft

“Thank you” 

and his arms go to circle her torso so he can gather her to his chest, one hand caressing obsessively at her soft curls, holding her, wishing for his body to engulf any reaction that still comes from the trembling limbs. He will repeat to himself that this hypnotic hold she has on him is only due to the fact that her blood is new and fresh to his system, unable to recognise they are two distinct beings. He almost jumps when her hand sneaks on him tracing lightly at his jaw, she feels colder than usual and something akin to panic flashes behind his eyes for less than heartbeat, but then her eyelids slowly reveal her dark eyes once again, fixed on his, and a flash of her pink tongue wets her lips before she can gift him again the sound of her voice.

“you should have told me”

And the slight smirk on her face now makes him realise she’s spent but not in any danger. In fact, the rosiness of her cheeks, the breath still laboured despite her lowered heartbeat suggest something entirely different. Suddenly his nostrils are caressed by the soft tanginess of pomegranate that he now knows to be the herald of her arousal. For a moment he searches his own memories of the night he died and lived forever but he knows better than to linger there. A hint of pride takes root in his awareness as the soft, almost imperceptible jolts still travelling the length of her body tell him all he needs to know about what just happened: Pain and pleasure mixed and merged until the latter won over her.

“And ruin the surprise, my darling?” 

He will deny in every way that 

*really? I did not know...*

That she was truly his first and nothing could have prepared him for the way she felt. Nor the way he did.

Her eyelids seem heavy as her lips pull into a smile at that, her breathing becoming more regular and he can hear her heartbeat pulsating again enough to sing for him. 

He realises he has no idea how to care for a human after a vampiric bite.

Along with the warmth her blood brought to his entire being, there's an unexplained feeling though, just at the mouth of his stomach, that he can’t quite name, as if her sweet reaction is just in preparation for a punishment, now that he has officially broken another rule imposed by Cazador.

*Thou shalt not drink the blood of thinking creatures*

He finds his face contorted in a grimace just for a split second at that thought, and while the instinct comes to hold her tighter to his chest, something else urges him deeply through a physical need to get as far away from her now sleeping body as possible.

[thiefking]

i need to draw/speak more of my narutos. "my narutos" meaning specifically the versions of every character that exist in my head, of course. i wanna draw hinata and gaara (besties of all time) especially. because other than the fact that they have the most fully realized design changes in my head, they are perhaps the defining aspect of My narutos, as opposed to everyone else's. their friendship to me is like "ok i'm going out...! (wearing some extremely Please Don't Look At Me outfit)" "not dressed like that you're not." "better? (she is now gothed the fuck out with an invader zim handbag)" "yas bitch slay." this is how they work. to me

i want to draw Literally Exactly That what i just described there as a meme but i do also kind of want to write or draw sometjing more substantial because i am The Hinata And Gaara Understander. as individual characters and as a pair of besties. amd i need to explain to others why it makes perfect sense because i just Know that i am one of extremely few to look at these two, of all characters, and deduce that the character arc hinata SHOULD have had is one that would be so obvious to gaara & something he would encourage. or maybe the only one, but the fandom is/was so big that it feels statistically unlikely... if we're talking CURRENT fandom i may actually be uniquely insane about this. i don't know for sure i haven't really interacted with the fandom i've been fucking around in my own skull this whole time that's how i even arrived at "hinagaara bffs" in the first place

but like... listen. hinata's thing is basically (in an inconsistent, half-baked, and never fully realized form): "i can change to improve myself and finally meet everyone else's standards and prove them wrong...!" as she is trying to emulate naruto. ... "prove them wrong", but she is not subverting anything if she meets an expectation that was explicitly set. hinata is not naruto. naruto's expectations were that he is worthless and nothing and not worth having any expectations for in the first place, and basically all of konoha thought this way. if naruto accomplishes basically anything at all he proves someone wrong, even if just a little. hinata had expectations set on her, specifically by her family, that she is not meeting. even though what hinata WANTS to do is prove them wrong, what she is fundamentally DOING is trying to please them by doing exactly what they want her to do. yes, when they think she won't even meet their lowest expectation and she does meet it, she is TECHNICALLY proving them wrong... but she isn't really achieving meaningful personal growth by doing this, is she? all she has done is meet their standards and essentially fall into their evil ghoul trap and accept EVEN MORE PRESSURE as a "reward" because now that she finally met this one single goal, they can move the goalpost. she will only ever be the failure who occasionally surprises them, she will always be lagging behind the others, and every single time she fails she gets sent back to square 1 in their eyes. meeting all their expectations or even surpassing them entirely is always going to feel hollow and fragile, because in the back of her mind, if she slips even once she has to do it all over again. she deserves better than constant paranoia

gaara (and pretty specifically gaara) can rightfully point out the problem with hinata's current mindset because hinata's hardships are way closer to GAARA'S than naruto's, to be honest. it's not lacking a family; it's having a family that doesn't feel like a family, and that family isolating one child and encouraging the others to treat them like shit so that one child never has anyone on their own level when they're at home and they are constantly forced to be aware they lack some ambiguous something that seemingly everyone else has that would make them "worthy" of being loved by their own family

hold on let me put yhe rest under a readmore this post is long as fuck

the hyuugas treat hinata like shit and call her weak, and because her parents gladly and openly call her weak and because she's supposed to be heiress to the clan, her sister and neji (the only family who were close enough in age and rank to not intimidate) were made to hate her, think she is weak, be jealous of and resent her for being heiress despite her weakness, and treat her like shit like the other hyuugas do, thus completely isolating her within her family. and rasa treated gaara like shit and had given up on him LONG before he snapped (let's be fucking real here if gaara had to learn that "love" makes emotional pain feel better at age SIX... and not to mention the entire yashamaru """plan""" was utterly and blatantly fucking NONSENSE on all levels like nice going rasa you just turned your kid almost irreversibly insane... seemingly on purpose...? i can only assume it was on purpose and you just wanted to be a spiteful bitch to the kid who killed your wife because literally what else did you think was going to happen with that but that's a rant for another time.), he tacitly encouraged temari and kankuro to not even bother with gaara and to be afraid of him like everyone else is because RASA was also OBVIOUSLY SCARED and not only that he was constantly literally trying to murder gaara so temari and kankuro also had reason to believe from a very young age that associating with him might make rasa treat THEM like that too, essentially forced gaara to straight up kill his uncle who was the ONLY family member he had who talks to him like he isn't a monster (and inexplicably decided that he should also tell gaara outright that he is not and was never loved by anyone), etc etc etc; gaara was also isolated within his own family and made to be the odd one out, over and over again. naruto knows what it's like not having a family at all, but he never experienced having family— non-metaphorical, blood relation, "entire reason you were born" family— who hates you. naruto knows how it feels to be neglected and feared by an entire village, that's how he relates to gaara. hinata was hated by her own family, the people she depended on for life itself, but she was never hated by the village at large, even if she perceives herself to be. naruto can empathize with this and put himself in her shoes, but like... gaara KNOWS, firsthand, what hinata is experiencing. that is why gaara is fairly uniquely capable of pointing out the problem Very Directly because he would see it way faster than anyone else

naruto could see it too, and he could say all the same things, but he wouldn't do it how gaara would. and i think hinata needs to hear someone speak to her, bluntly and authoritatively, and say "you deserve better than this." because normally whenever she hears someone (her own family) speak to her bluntly in an authoritative tone they're telling her she's weak and pathetic and subpar and needs to improve, and every time she is spoken to like that she believes them and marks that weakness off as something to fix. hearing incredibly matter-of-fact validation and encouragement spoken the exact same way primes her to believe that encouragement, and now her compulsive need to please people who speak to her that way is going to force her, even fleetingly, to take it seriously. especially because gaara would tell her something she is doing wrong, which will feel familiar, but he actually has HER best interests in mind. there is no benefit or advantage for him if she succeeds. he is unaffiliated, not even from konoha, he gains nothing from it. gaara doesn't tell her to try harder nor to give up and accept mediocrity. gaara tells her it's okay to give up and try something else, and sometimes it's the people around you who are the ones who need to change, not you.

gaara looks at "i will change myself to prove myself to others", and he says instead: "you need to stop caring what other people think about you and stop morphing yourself to their perception. just because YOU aren't doing that in a 'if you all want to call me a monster then fine, i'll be a monster' kind of way, like i did, that doesn't mean that isn't still an unhealthy way to think. you should figure out who YOU are and live as who YOU are, unapologetically, until they get the point that they can either accept you as you are and realize they were wrong, or they can fuck off. this is a situation where it is Not Your Fucking Problem that other people are disappointed with you especially because of how hard you've already been working to try and meet their arbitrary standards. this isn't about talent or hard work. this is about whether you even Want to be doing what everyone else wants you to do. and it is difficult and terrifying and lonely to be the only person who knows who you really are. it is hard work to figure it out and it is hard work to convince others, and at times it will feel hopeless. so i won't let you be the alone. i won't let you have to try and fail all alone, like i did. i will be your first victory, i will give you listening ears, i will be your silent dressing room mirror while you try on different hats before you figure out which one fits, i will be here and i will not judge you or decide on your behalf who you are, and i will be your family if no one else will. literally. if they cast you out you can come home to me. temari and kankuro have already accepted me as i am, i'm sure they'll accept you as you are too"

and then with time and gentle coaxing hinata decides to stop trying to be what her family wanted her to be and starts being a goth weirdgirl and pursues her interests in mycology and psychology and entomology and starts fucking THRIVING

i could go on forever. i should stop now or i never will. some of the parallels between them or the reasons that gaara would specifically want to support her in the specific ways i envision came about entirely from headcanon (coughs. even more headcanon than... the rest of this... coughs) and i FORGET that it's headcanon. for example "gaara created his good reputation in sunagakure through brute force good deeds. like people were so scared of him that they wouldn't let him CASUALLY prove that he was trying to be better, so he basically had to scare them even more just to prove that he was no longer scary. things like using his sand to hold people in place... so that he can physically put money into their hands and say 'this is yours and you will take it and use it to pay rent and buy your child that toy he wants. i do not want anytjing in return and i will be leaving you alone now.' because otherwise people would run away before he even gets the chance to be nice. literally just has to hold them still and pointedly do something nice for them and then let them go without hurting them while they tremble in misplaced terror like he;s a wildlife vet wrangling an injured seagull". this is part of why he would say "be unapologetically you and they can accept that and realize they were wrong about you to begin with, or they can fuck off". NONE OF THAT is explicitly canon... but there is so much & it makes perfect sense to me. aauuugaghh hinata my hinata my hinagaara besties my hinata. i could go on and on and on and on. goddammit I WILL GIVE HER THE CHARACTER ARC SHE NEEDS & DESERVES... GIVE HER TO ME KISHIMOTO.... WHAT IF THE FACT THAT HINATA HAS 3 PERSONALITY TRAITS IN CANON ACTUALLY MEANT SOMETHING AND WASN'T JUST BECAUSE YOU, MASASHI KISHIMOTO, SELF-ADMITTEDLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN? WOULDN'T THAT BE SO MUCH LESS EMBARRASSING FOR YOU? I CAN MAKE IT REAL! I CAN MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT REPRESSION!!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT WORKING HARD TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, AND SAYING "SCREW YOU" TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND DECIDE WHO YOU ARE ON YOUR BEHALF, AND THE REJECTION OF THE STATUS QUO, AND EMBRACING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU DIFFERENT AND MAKING USE WHAT UNIQUE STRENGTHS YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MATCH WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, AND HOW HUMAN LIVES ARE INHERENTLY VALUABLE EVEN IF EVERYONE AROUND YOU SAYS YOURS IS WORTH NOTHING!!! JUST LIKE WHAT NARUTO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! I CAN EVEN SPICE IT UP A BIT AND USE MY MAGICAL WOMAN-UNDERSTANDING POWERS TO MAKE IT ABOUT HOW WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY JUST REGULAR PEOPLE WHO ARE AS VARIED AS MEN AND HOW THE SOCIETAL CONCEPTS OF WOMANHOOD AND PROPER WOMANLY BEHAVIOUR ARE RESTRICTIVE AND OPPRESSIVE, AND THE MANY WAYS THAT SOCIETY WILL FORCE TOTAL CONFORMITY AND PUNISH EVERYONE WHO STEPS OUTSIDE OF THAT FRAME (AND EVEN THOSE WHO REMAIN WITHIN)!!! I CAN MAKE IT ABOUT COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID OF GIRLS MR KISHIMOTO WILL IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER IF I ALSO MAKE IT ABOUT NEJI WATCHING HINATA COMPLETELY REJECT HER CAGE AND DISCOVER HERSELF AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT AND MAYBE JUST COVER YOUR EARS WHEN I START TALKING ABOUT EGGS!!!!!! MR KISHIMOTOOOOOO PLEEEEEEEASE