#i am worried for the future of this party in 11 days LOL

[leadmeastraylittlefairy]

godfuckingdammit not ryn 😭😭😭😭

[merakiui]

[iv.] ᶜⁱᶜᵃᵈᵃ ᶜⁱᵗʸ

serial killer!jade leech x female!reader cw: mention of mutilation & death chapter iii│chapter iv (you are here)│chapter v

Today’s Schedule: Work from 11-4. Pick up fruit and hedgehog food from the grocery store. Call (Name) and make plans for Saturday. Dinner at 5:30. Check in with Mother at 6. Feed Rosa at 7. Text (Name) at 7:15??? Check email at 8:30 after bath.

“Saturday… Of all the days to agonize over, it’s a Saturday! What do you even do on Saturdays with friends? Cater said you party and drink, but that can’t be the only thing sensible adults do on the weekend.” Riddle paces before the solid-bottomed wire cage that sits comfortably atop his desk. Weary with sleep, his hedgehog blinks at him when he lowers into his chair and holds his head in his hands. “She never listens to me, Rosa. I’ve told her time and time again to submit her application and she always tells me, ‘I’ll do it. I’ll do it. Don’t worry.’ Does she even want to work? If Mother knew she was throwing her future away to work at some dead-end diner at the edge of the world—never mind. It’s not important.”

Rosa tilts her head, nose twitching.

“I’m talking to my hedgehog again…” he mutters, sticking his finger through the bars to pat her head. She leans into his gentle touch. “This is hopeless.” 

He glances at the clock on the wall and rises to his feet. 

“But job hunting isn’t! We’ll drop it off today. It’s perfect, isn’t it?” Rosa blinks again and Riddle nods to himself, hands situated on his hips. “After work, we’ll go to the aquarium and she can hand it in then. Except in order to get there, I have to actually invite her… I can do that. It’s not as if we haven’t hung out in years. It’ll be completely normal, and she loves the ocean. It’s a good plan.”

Upon spying the image of himself in the vanity mirror, he frowns at the uncertainty it reflects.

“If you were me—which you technically are—you’d invite her in person, wouldn’t you? It’s more polite that way.” The mirror showcases a Riddle dressed in work attire: a red-and-white striped bowling shirt, a red apron, and black slacks. He adjusts the devil horns headband in his hair with a huff and Mirror Riddle reacts in unison. “What am I saying? Reflections and hedgehogs don’t have to worry about these things.”

Sighing, he reaches for his phone and opens his messenger app. He scrolls through every contact, passing unread messages from Trey and Che’nya, one from his mother, and something from another manager at The Devil’s Delight until he finds you. The last time you texted him was shortly after yesterday’s phone call. A small smile tugs at his lips as he reviews the picture you sent him. Backdropped by pink sparkles, a hedgehog holds a pixelated rose between its teeth and beneath it the words Have a Hedgehug are typed in a font so bold and ugly that it nearly tarnishes the adorable nature of the image. 

[Riddle] Hedge-hug? I haven’t heard of that one before. It’s humorous. I like it. 

[(Name)] thought you might need it after last night :) tell rosa i say hiiiiii

[Riddle] I will and I’ll even enunciate every i you’ve typed. 

[(Name)] lol have fun with that

“I never told you,” he says, glancing at Rosa, “but (Name) says hi. I. I. I. I. I… H-How many times did she type ‘I’ again?” 

Shaking his head, he scoffs and almost pockets his phone before it buzzes with a new notification. He taps on it and his heart squeezes at the words. 

[Manager] The pair on opening shift informed me that (Name) hasn’t shown up yet. Will wait until your shift begins before calling someone in. 

And an hour later from the same contact, a new message sprouts: Call Cater in. It’s been a while and she still hasn’t clocked in. We only have one person who showed up for the 10-3 shift. We’ll need both of you for today.

Riddle stares at the screen for so long that he begins to register the static buzzing in his ears. I’ll be there soon. I’ll try contacting (Name) in the meantime, he writes as he slips his shoes on and strides towards the door. He spares one final look at the cage. Rosa has fit herself into the ceramic pot positioned in the far corner, relaxing in the cool shadows provided by the floral print pottery.

“Have a good rest, Rosa. I’ll see you later.” 

Phoning Cater, he opens with a simple line: “You’re needed at work.” 

“Let me get this straight,” Cater says as he leans against the counter while his clones diligently flit about the diner like monarch butterflies, taking orders and delivering meals with cheery grins. “(Name) didn’t come to work, she’s not answering your calls or texts, and you think this is weird because…” 

“Because it isn’t like her.” 

“Right. ‘Kay, but you do realize she could’ve woken up late or started feeling sick and couldn’t call in. It’s not super weird.”

“It is,” Riddle insists as he furiously scrubs a porcelain plate clean of grease and ice cream. “She would’ve found a way to notify someone.”

“Okay. Or—and hear me out—she’s like me and has a terrible hangover and doesn't wanna come into work like some people.” He chuckles at the nasty look Riddle sends his way. “I’m serious. You really couldn’t have called someone else in? I mean, I know I’m a hot commodity who can totes ace serving, but I’d like to work when I’m not feeling like I just crawled out of my grave. Ya feel me?” 

“It’s the middle of the week. Why, pray tell, were you drinking?” 

And you’re not even working, he thinks, glancing at the clones as they fulfill his duties while the real one stands on the sidelines, scrolling through his phone as usual.

He looks up briefly to acknowledge him, answering, “Lils and Kalim came in. Oh! Speaking of them, what do you think of Cicada City?” 

“What? Cater, this has nothing to do with—”

“Just gimme your thoughts. What do you think when you hear the words ‘Cicada City’?” 

Riddle inhales a noisy breath, sets the plate in the drying rack, and pivots to face Cater. “Cities are just as loud as cicadas in the summer. There. Happy?” 

“Bingo! You’re right on the money!” 

“Then why’re you asking?” 

“Because that’s our band name. We were going to go with CLK, which you pronounce like ‘click,’ but it’s without the extra letters. But we thought Cicada City sounded cooler.”

“It certainly has character…” 

“Right? Just imagine: I’m on a stage, the spotlight’s shining down so bright it’s nearly blinding, and I grab the mic and shout, ‘We’re Cicada City!’ You’d totally go cray for Cay. It’s trendy, rolls off the tongue, and has alliteration.” 

“Since when have you been in a band? This is the first time I’m hearing about this.”

“Since last night.” 

“Ah, of course. It’s a children’s band. How nice.”

“No need to be a hater, skater.” He grins. “We didn’t do much with the club after graduation. We still played every now and then and we’ve composed a bunch of songs since. So what if we aren’t established IRL? We’re basically doing numbers on Magicam.”

“With what? Scraps of sound?”

“When did you start teething?” Riddle scowls and he raises his hands in defeat. “Yeah, yeah. We’re not official. But we will be! And since Lils can’t do sunshine, we’re planning to be a nocturnal band. It’ll be our own charm point as a trio!” 

“Good luck with—no, stop. We’re getting sidetracked. Did (Name) say anything about skipping her shift? 

“Is someone worried? That’s cute.” Waving his hand through the air dismissively, he adds, “Relax. (Name) had a dinner date. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended in drinks and a blackout. She’s probably too dead to open her eyes.” 

Fixated on his phone yet again, he taps away. 

“A…dinner date?”

She’s dating? 

“Yep. Yep.”

Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be? She’s a great woman.

Riddle reaches for a banana split dish and empties its contents into the trash bin. “And the dinner date was last night?” 

What am I thinking? Stay focused!

“Yep. Look, it’s not a big deal. She’ll call later today once she’s woken up.” 

“Cater.”

“What’s up, buttercup?”

“Put your phone away before you lose your head.” 

“Aw. Bummer. I was just admiring our devilish sweetheart. Her account really needs work, but her photos are super cute!” He slides his phone into his pocket and smiles. “So what’s up?”

“Does she usually go on dates the night before her shifts?”

Cater holds Riddle’s inquiring stare, allowing silence to build between them. It’s quickly swept up in the diner’s sea of chatter, and he lifts his shoulders in a limp shrug. “You think she’d dig Cicada City?” he finally asks, prompting an irritated groan from Riddle.

He drops the glassware into the soapy basin and points an accusatory finger in his direction. “(Name) could be missing and the only thing you’re worried about is a band that hasn’t even existed for twenty-four hours!”

“You’re being way too paranoid right now. Chill.”

Maybe it’s nothing, he thinks, retrieving the fallen ice cream dish. If it was a simple date and she did drink too much, she could definitely be hungover like Cater says. I wish she’d tell me these things beforehand, though. 

“Is she normally like this?” 

“Riddle, she’s fine.” 

“Who did she meet for the date? Where did they go?” 

“Those are great questions. I’ll let you ask the dirty dishes while I make this next order.” 

Riddle wrings excess water from the dishrag with a frown. “Do you know who…” He trails off and clears his throat. “Did she tell you anything about who she went with? Where they work? What they’re like?” 

“Maybe. Maybe not.” 

Cater’s grin rivals that of Che’nya’s. Wide and cheek-splitting, it’s a smile that withholds an arsenal of carefully kept secrets. Knowing how Cater can be, Riddle supposes he knows more than he’s willing to tell. He’s always been very selective with his lexicon. Even when they were in school, he’d pick and choose compliments and topics to discuss amongst his peers as if they were portions at a tea party and only a few of the poisoned sweets were safe to consume.

Years later, having observed his scripted nonchalance once again, he realizes Cater is still an actor trapped in his own eternal play, destined to read prepared lines until he can admit his genuine feelings. He’s not quite sure where you fit into this picture, but there must be something he doesn’t want to divulge if he’s guarding the truth behind his pearly whites. 

While Riddle is aware that prying is unbecoming, he can’t shake the thought that something is dreadfully, horribly, positively wrong. It’s a stone that’s weighed heavy in the pit of his stomach ever since you dragged him down to the shoreline and the both of you stumbled upon a mutilated corpse. Sometimes, if he closes his eyes and attempts to settle his heart rate, he sees the dead man floating on a crimson current. Even now the image invades his mind and when he glimpses the muddied water in the sink, dishes piled on top of one another like an uneven glass castle, he envisions waterlogged innards bursting from the gaping hole in the man’s chest. 

“If she doesn’t text us by the end of our shift, we’re making a report,” he blurts, tearing his eyes away just as Cater returns from the freezer, three scoops of ice cream sitting piled in a dish. 

He gazes at him, searching for an indication of a joke or a lie. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Of course I’m serious!”

“Will it honestly make you feel better if we do that?” 

“Yes.” He inhales a steadying breath. “Yes, it will.” 

“Then we’ll do that.” Cater hums while decorating the ice cream with swirls of whipped cream and multicolored sprinkles. After handing the finished dessert to a clone, he smirks at Riddle. “I hope that if I ever go ghost you’ll care about me just as much as you do for (Name).”

“Are you daft? Don’t joke about that.” 

“Kidding, kidding!” Laughing, he rests his elbows on the countertop, his eyes centered on the vintage clock hanging on the wall. “They say bands have bad luck at twenty-seven. You think I’ll survive the rest of these months? Maybe I should carry a white lighter to test my luck.”

“I revoke my well wishes. I hope your band sinks.” 

“Wha—rude!” 

Here I am talking to the police once again, Riddle muses as he stands in the lobby with Cater. A police officer, whose face is fraught with fatigue, slides a Manila folder across the counter. This was not part of my schedule.

“Your friend’s got a bit of a reputation here. Her file’s filled with interesting reports.”

“(Name)’s a law-abiding citizen. She wouldn’t have an entire folder’s worth of reports if she was one.”

“And yet she does. Our most recent report comes from Mr. Cater Diamond, who made a call two months ago because she had been exhibiting concerning behavior the night prior and had disappeared without a trace the following day.” 

Riddle’s gaze snaps up to Cater, whose stare cuts through the officer. The blinding luminescence from the LEDs paints him in a sickly spotlight. “Yeah,” he says, color spilling into his eyes. “That was me.”

Why? What sort of concerning behavior warrants a police report?

“According to the file we’ve built up, she has a habit of leaving without telling anyone in advance. After Mr. Diamond reported her missing, it was later determined that she had simply gone on a vacation.” The officer rifles through the papers with deft fingers. “It’s possible that your friend’s missing, but based on her file and the fact that it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours yet it’s more likely that she’s avoiding everyone.”

“This can’t be typical behavior for (Name). She’s not like this.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, kid. Maybe you shouldn’t look at your friend with rose-tinted lenses. Not everyone’s as good as your heart makes them out to be.” 

“I am not a child.”

I’ve known (Name) for years. You have no right to say that.

“My apologies, sir.” She glances at Cater, whose reservation is as solemn as the bland, monochrome police station, and nudges the file in his direction. “As much as I’d love to help you again, we can’t make any hasty decisions. She could be on a trip across the Coral Sea and we’d never know until we see a sign. Like social media activity, or she messages either of you. You said she went on a date last night. It’s not too far off to theorize that she might still be with her partner and simply lost track of time.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that,” Cater says with an empty laugh.

“But she wouldn’t just abandon her shift! Your files must be incorrect. That’s a different (Name).” Riddle swipes one of the papers from off of the countertop and skims through it, shaking his head as if he intends to will the words away with sheer disbelief. According to the incident report, you had gotten into an altercation with a customer, which led to threats of violence and a minor injury. You weren’t the one at fault, but it was documented that you were quick to defend yourself the moment things spiraled out of control. “This is all wrong. The (Name) I grew up with wasn’t like this at all.”

The officer massages her temples. “I trust that your friend is a capable adult and no longer the child you remember?”

“Of course she is. But she wouldn’t just up and leave!”

“No one’s suggesting she is. Although it has happened in the past. Following this pattern of behaviors—”

“That’s impossible,” Riddle snaps, glaring. “Are you saying I don’t know my friend? I haven’t the faintest clue what other nonsense is written in those reports, but (Name) would never do that. She’s always told me everything. So before you start making any outlandish assumptions, perhaps you should review your ‘reports’ and—”

“Hey, hey!” Cater catches Riddle’s arm just as it shoots out to shake the crumpled paper at the officer. He tilts his head, a vacant grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “Let’s leave the hard-working officer alone, ‘kay? She’s just sharing the info they already have. Not much we can do about that, ya know?”

But it’s wrong, he wants to verbalize. That isn’t (Name).

Scoffing, he rips his arm away after a few moments of looking between Cater and the officer. “I don’t appreciate the false picture you’re painting,” he spits, striding away from the desk. “If you won’t allow us to file a report, then we’ll leave. Come along, Cater.”

I refuse to believe it, he thinks, crumpling the report and stuffing it into his apron pocket.

Cater fixes the officer with an apologetic look. “You’re probably right. I wish he could see that.”

“We get people like him all the time,” she says, sliding the papers back into the folder. “It’s nice to know someone cares. You can’t fault him for that.” 

“Guess not.”

With Cater now following behind, Riddle shoves the doors open and steps out into the humidity.

“The nerve of some people! Can you believe she had the audacity to say those things?” Red-faced, he stomps his foot upon the pavement and huffs. “And what was all of that rubbish about ‘concerning behavior’ and ‘disappearing for a vacation’? And don’t get me started on those libelous files! How dare she claim that that’s normal behavior for (Name)? She doesn’t know anything!” 

Smiling thinly, Cater steps in front of Riddle just as he’s about to throw more accusations around. “You wanna get something to eat? All of that really worked up an appetite, and I know this super cute place. It’s trending like crazy on Magicam. Come on. It’ll be my treat!” 

“Stop thinking with your social media-wired mind for one minute and look at the bigger picture!” He swats at Cater, but his hit doesn’t land. “Have some decency! Our friend is missing and you want to trend online, of all things.”

“But she’s not. Listen, Riddle, I know you’re worried and you think that the worst has happened, but (Name) can take care of herself. Look at it this way. If you went out for a romantic dinner and your date was totes into you, you’d take them home, wouldn’t you?” Shrugging, he places his hands on Riddle’s shoulders and steers him in the direction of his car. He digs his heels into the pavement in protest. “They could’ve been in bed this entire time and your relentless messaging harshed the vibe.”

Riddle takes a generous step away from Cater once he’s shaken himself free. “Regardless, she should prioritize her job if she wants to keep it.”

“I’m beginning to see why she stopped talking to you.”

His tirade evaporates like morning dew on his tongue and he stares at him as if he’s just emerged from his tomb. “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” he sings, hooking arms with Riddle. “Now let’s get some grub!”

Guiding Riddle towards his car, Cater hums an upbeat tune. An occasional lyric slips through and it’s enough to ease his frayed nerves. As soon as he’s buckled himself into the passenger seat, that sinking feeling returns in full force. 

She didn’t stop talking to me. She was busy with her degree. That’s all, he assures himself. He considers prying answers from Cater, but he knows it’s bound to be a fruitless pursuit. Instead, he distracts himself with the interior of Cater’s car. As dull as it appears, he’s managed to liven the interior with fairy lights, stickers, and other accessories. A pair of fuzzy dice hang from the rearview mirror, displaying snake eyes, and Riddle reaches out to poke one.

“Your car is a mouse trap,” he mutters, bitter like the blackest tea, as Cater’s old vehicle—or, as he prefers to call it, well-loved vintage—sputters to life. “I feel like I’ll lose my head if it crashes.”

“Great! Now you know how we felt in school.”

In no way is that similar to actual death.

“I suppose it’s karma.”

“You believe in karma?”

“I believe that everything comes around eventually. Bad deeds will not go unpunished.” 

“Hold on. That sounded super cool! Can you say that last sentence again? But sing it. I’m gonna record it for an opening line for one of our songs! I think I’ll call it…Kismet Kiss!” 

“You can’t be serious.”

“Hey, I can’t help it when inspiration strikes.” Chuckling, he pulls out of the lot and into an opening in the traffic. “Kismet kiss… A kismet kiss… We share a kismet kiss under a silver moon, where all is heavenly bliss. Oh, that’s a good lyric! I should write that down when we stop. I’m thinking it could be an energetic love song with dark undertones. Lots of people like creepy romances, and who said Halloween couldn’t start early?” 

“Right… Actually, could we detour to (Name)’s really quickly? I’d like to see if she’s home.”

“Geez. Stalker much. What’re you gonna do next? Hack her phone?”

“Of course not! I just want to confirm something.”

Cater mulls over Riddle’s words and, with his eyes glued to the road ahead, he clicks his tongue as a knowing smile brightens his face. “(Name) never told you where she lives, did she?”

“That’s not true. She tells me everything.”

“Only the things she wants you to know.”

“Again, not true.”

“She didn’t tell you about her date.”

“That was one time, Cater! Besides, it must have slipped her mind.”

“You really wanna bother her RN?”

“First of all, we aren’t texting. Secondly, I’d rather bother her and know she’s safe than ignore the issue and learn she’s missing tomorrow morning.”

He hums, nodding along to the music that trickles out of the radio in soft notes, and cranks the volume up. “Too bad. Driver says we’re going for milk tea. (Name) can wait.”

“You—” He shakes his head as a dozen admonishments race through his mind like the flashy headlines on the front page of a newspaper. Inhaling sharply, he holds the breath and releases it. His nerves simmer, just on the verge of a boil.

We’re taking my car next time.

Despite the anxieties lurking in the background, Riddle still manages to count the minutes it takes for Mouse Trap to travel the distance from the station to the café, its storefront as pastel as the sky. Friends and couples sit at tables under blue-and-white striped umbrellas, large smiles adorning their faces. He stares at them as they pull into an unoccupied parking spot, imagining you amidst the crowd. The scene disperses as soon as Cater’s taken the key out of the ignition, his crooning and the radio having cut off as abruptly as Riddle’s daydreams. 

I didn’t plan for this in my schedule either. 

He watches Cater from where he sits and wonders where all of his energy stems from. He talks to the barista as if he’s a friend he has yet to meet. Perhaps that’s a juvenile mindset to have, as thinking so only sets him up for betrayal. The stranger you consider a friend today might be a monster tomorrow—a valuable lesson he’s picked up over the years. How he can smile so radiantly despite the tiresome circumstances that have led them here is beyond Riddle. He wants nothing more than to confirm everything’s okay so that he can move onto other issues clouding his headspace.

Do you feel a shred of concern for her? Do you really, truly care as much as I care? Are the two of you even friends? His chest rises and falls in a soundless breath. What’re you hiding, Cater? 

Cater plops down in the seat across from him with a satisfied sigh. Passing him his drink, he says, “Sea Village.” 

“Excuse me?”

“(Name)’s apartment complex.” He holds his tea up so that the label faces the front and flashes his teeth at the camera. “You can find the address online.”

“Huh.” He peers at the tapioca pearls gathered at the bottom and takes an experimental sip. It tastes pleasantly of strawberries and cream. “Thank you.”

Cater shrugs and sets the drink down on the table to snap more pictures at different angles. His focus never strays, even when Riddle rolls his eyes at his antics. He smiles at his screen as he swipes through the photos, carefully inspecting each to determine which is the most aesthetically pleasing. 

“When she comes staggering outside like a zombie and is ready to chew you out for bothering her, I’ll say I told you so.”

“Yes, yes. You’re free to ridicule me when I’m wrong. In fact, I’m hoping you’re right and that she’s just tired from her night out.” 

“She’ll be fine. It’s nothing a few aspirins can’t fix.” 

That’s exactly it. She’s okay. I’m okay. Everything will be okay.

His gaze flicks from his phone to Riddle, whose genius response is to maintain eye contact while taking a painfully drawn-out sip from his tea. If Cater intends to add more to those statements, he isn’t given much of a chance when Riddle suddenly inhales sharply and proceeds to cough as if he’s come down with the plague. Cater snickers and tilts his head playfully, raising his phone to record Riddle’s struggle. He manages to overcome the fit moments later, frowning darkly at the tea in his hand and clearing his throat to uphold some semblance of unruffled peace. 

“Fish eggs…” he grumbles, and it almost sounds like a creatively filtered curse word. “What are these dreadful things called again?”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘tapioca,’ Riddle,” he grinds out through a laugh. 

“Would you stop poking fun, you twit?! It wasn’t funny!” 

This entire day has been a mess. Why are we even here? I just want to know if she’s safe.

“Right. Watching you choke on tapioca like a newbie isn’t funny at all. It’s downright depressing.” Grinning, he swipes the video away and returns to the camera, holding his phone up for a selfie. “Lighten up and say ‘boba date’!” 

Rolling his eyes, Riddle allows an awkward smile to bloom on his lips. Cater winks at his phone, giving his untouched drink a shake, and snaps the picture.

“You’re really photogenic, Riddle. I’d kill to look as cute as you. Now time for the tags! #BobaWiththeBestie. #DefinitelyNotFishEggs. #lol. #TooCute. #SweetSummer’sDay. I’ll tag you and hit post! Be sure to like it when you have a chance, ‘kay?”

“Why don’t we make an exchange? A like for a like.” The only indication that he’s hooked Cater with his proposal is a quirk of his brow. “If (Name) were to disappear, what’s a place she’d go to right away without fail?”

“Her favorite place…” he mumbles, drumming his fingers along the table. “I couldn’t tell you. It’s always changing. Besides, wouldn’t you know if she tells you everything?” 

He musters a halfhearted glare and then leans back in his seat. Toying with the plastic cup, he observes the tapioca pearls trapped in a pink ocean. “I wanted to apologize for the time we lost, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. And then we found…” He swallows thickly and shakes his head as the memory resurfaces. “We walked down to the beach that night and found…a corpse. It was so hectic I couldn’t even begin to apologize.” 

“Whoa. Metal.” Before Riddle can skewer him with another scowl, he turns his phone towards him. “So this article wasn’t just a ghost story!”

Peering at the screen, he studies the photo depicting the empty boardwalk and sighs. “It was gruesome, Cater. No one should ever have to see something like that.”

“Mutilation can be an act of revenge, you know. Remember that one case involving that jealous ex-husband who cut his wife’s hands off so that she’d never touch another person again? This could be something like that.” 

“I don’t think revenge is the motive here. Someone harvested organs from that man.”

“Yikes. Talk about a horror story in the making.”

Riddle deflates in his seat. “I haven’t been able to sleep since, and now that (Name)’s not replying… I suppose I’m just stressing over nothing. The police can handle a murder case and (Name) can handle her own issues.”

“That’s the spirit. Don’t overthink so much.” He winks at him. “If checking up on (Name) will help you sleep better at night, the least I can do is forward her address to you. But after this you have to promise to stop sticking your nose in her business. Just because you moved here to play caretaker, it doesn’t mean you’re free to invade her life. It’s not cute, so quit it.” 

Riddle blinks, taken aback by the sudden tonal shift in Cater’s usually peppy voice. Emotion seeps from his countenance like watercolors running down a weathered fence, and for a while the two of them remain at an impasse, gazing at one another and daring the other to speak up first. 

I’m not playing caretaker. I’m just trying to help her. You have no idea what— His thoughts are severed abruptly when Cater laughs. 

“I’m kidding! Relax. You look so spooked.” Within seconds, he’s typed something and hit send. Riddle’s phone vibrates with the notification, but he refuses to check it. Like the sun in a desolate outer space, Cater adds, “If you think my car’s a mouse trap, wait until you see her apartment.” 

I’m not sure if you realize it, but you can be really cold at times, Cater. Detached, even. 

On the way back to the diner, with the radio blasting all the greatest hard rock hits, Riddle tugs at a loose string on his apron. Cater’s words continue to echo in his skull, and it isn’t until he’s seated in his own car, peering out the window as Cater drives off into the distance, that his resolution finally shatters. Resting his head against the steering wheel, Riddle shuts his eyes and takes a moment to reflect on the day in its entirety.

“It really was a date. That’s all it was.” Groaning, he peels himself off of the wheel and slouches in his seat. He reaches for his phone. “But just to be sure…”

Riddle listens to the disheartening ring as it repeats. Eventually, your voice trickles into his ear and his hope rises. 

“Hey! I’m afraid I can’t make it to the phone right now. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you soon.”

Ending the call, he finds the address Cater sent him and inputs it in the GPS. With his phone resting on his lap and the radio playing a recording of a gameshow’s final round, he drives off in the direction of your apartment.

You’re not sleeping. The day’s nearly over. His grip on the wheel tightens. Something’s not right.

When he reaches Sea Village, a dingy place composed of weather-worn brick, rusted railings, and unstable iron balconies, the radio is thrumming with applause. The woman has just won the grand prize. Perplexed, Riddle reviews the address with narrowed eyes. 

“This isn’t a mouse trap,” he mumbles. “It’s more of a…lonely husk. Were you comfortable here? If you were short on money, you could’ve told me. I would’ve helped.”

After locking his car, he pockets his phone and keys and beelines for the building, passing a vacant front desk on his way to the lift. It carries him to the second floor and spits him out into a quiet hall lined with doors. Riddle passes each as he walks, counting the numbers on the placards until he finds the one that belongs to you.

“(Name), are you home?” His knuckles rap the door. When no one answers, he presses his ear against it and listens. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

“You looking for someone?”

Riddle gasps and whirls to face the man, his heart lodged in his throat. Grocery bags hang off of his arms and he sets them down to retrieve his key before glancing at Riddle, thick brows furrowed.

“I… I am, actually. My friend lives here.”

“Oh. My apologies for startling you.” He sniffs, stroking his chin in contemplation. “Thought you were the boyfriend for a moment.”

“Boyfriend?” he parrots dumbly.

“Yeah. Glasses-wearing fellow. He usually drops by around this hour.”

“I see… Does this ‘glasses-wearing fellow’ happen to have a name?”

“Couldn’t tell you. Couldn’t care either way. What my neighbors get up to ain’t really my business, kid.”

His lip twitches. “Right. Sure. Then could you at least tell me if you’ve seen her today?”

“Her? I thought Glasses lived here.”

“No?” Riddle stares at him. “(Name) lives here. Have you met her before? I imagine she’s lived here for quite some time.”

“Kid, no lady lives in that apartment. I’ve only ever seen a man walk in and out of there.”

“A man...” He coughs into his hand. “I must have the wrong address. I’ll be on my way then.”

He shuffles past the man in the thin hallway. An intense numbness seeps into his bone marrow.

“Have a good one,” the man calls out to him before unlocking his door and disappearing inside with his groceries.

Riddle glances over his shoulder at the silver-plated numbers on the door. He combs through his hair and stops when his fingers brush the plastic headband. Removing it for further inspection, he turns it over in his hands.

All of this running around while looking like a Halloween devil… None of this nonsense was on my schedule.

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

WAHAAAAAAHA LARYS DEATH DAY PARTY YALL ARE INVITED THERES AN OPEN BAR 🍾🎊🎉😫

this chap was everything tho I could literally die I wanna protect babey and her babies so bad daemon move OVER they are so so precious and babey being a mum she’s thriving

also everyone coming to visit and see the babies 🥹🥹🥹 daeron thinking he’s gonna freaking squish rhaenars head made me scream 💀💀

AND CARAXES AND ATHFIEZAR JOINING THE BABY WARMING PARTY TOO THEYRE SO NOSY AND CURIOUS when the babies eggs hatch athfiezars gonna have to control himself like of all the baby dragons to eat these are for real not the ones lmaoooo

side note daemon and caraxes are couple goals I want what they have so bad

I actually don’t think I can emotionally handle anything bad happening to this wee family now so I’m gonna need them to pack their bags and move to essos for the forceable future

Thank you sm for another great chapter em!!! I’ve been so looking forward to it and honestly every time you post it’s definitely one of, if not THE highlight of my week

Sending you lots of love and I hope you have an amazing day!!! 😚🩷🐉

Hello, hello! First of all, I'm so sorry to be getting to this just now! I've been working on some shit IRL, so my current task before I touch my edits is to get through my inbox.

I'm so glad you enjoyed Chapter 11! There were some cute domestic moments to be had there, definitely. I had fun incorporating the dragons, because it's so hard to find a space for them in amongst all the other crap I was juggling narrative-wise. Lol, I didn't even think about how Athfiezar might view the baby dragons - he is NOT going to be allowed to meet them until they're out of his size range for meals! Daemon and Caraxes are so cute, but also so hard to write? Like, I find it difficult capturing their vibe. There needed to be more of an exploration of that in the show, because I didn't really know how Daemon would approach his relationship to a dragon. I sorta had to extrapolate based on how he treats people and how generally grumpy Caraxes is; I remember Matt Smith saying Caraxes is kind of an avatar of Daemon, in that they're very similar to each other. Thus, two grumpy bums sniping good-naturedly at each other is how I thought that might work.

And don't worry! While shit might happen around the liddle family, nothing horrible will happen to them (physically). They all make it out of this tale (however long it will be) alive and well!

Thank you so much for reading! Thrilled you liked. Again, I am so sorry this took so long to get to! AAAAAH!

[coldercreation]

Happy new year! Hope you’re well<3

Happy New Year!!🥰🎉✨

New year is such a funny thing, nothing really changes in reality but for some reason it can feel like there‘s a huge invisible cliff in the calendar between December and January, and like there’s some monumental jump when the date changes.

Time has felt so wonky these past two years that I was having a hard time figuring out what even happened and when, as I tried to think back to what I actually got up to this past year. I did do stuff, for once, and somehow it was also stuff that I actually enjoyed? Yet I still felt kinda sad and melancholic and lonely about my life when I was having a Mood™️ just before midnight last night (kinda like that “looking out the bus window while it’s raining and some sad music plays in the background of the movie” thing🥲). It probably didn’t help that I spent the NYE/holidays alone once again, and could hear others having their parties with friends, family & partners.

It‘s funny how we give so much meaning to these single events and dates, and if we feel a certain meh way on that occasion, it can make us feel like all the days of the year were lacklustre. I know for sure that I had a lot of horrible days, but I also had more amazing days than I’ve had in a long time, and somehow this last year has managed to be both the worst and the best I can remember. I think I’ll really need to focus on reminding myself of that, and really work on giving more weight to those good days and the good progress. It was a bit too easy for me to think “okay so nothing‘s changed even after I tried so hard, why even bother then??” just because my NYE was so similar to all the other NYEs when I felt really alone, disconnected, and directionless. I guess what I’m trying to say with this hella weird rant is that, just because this one day of the year is branded as meaningful, and we often use it to reflect on our lives, the day itself - and how we feel on this date - doesn’t summarise our whole life/year.

I mean, this might be really obvious...😅 But I just realised that I really had to check myself last night for all these thoughts that kept dragging me low. I felt like I had achieved nothing just because I had no one to share “it“ with, during the year, but also in that space between the clock turning from 11:59 to 00:00. Why would our achievements and lives mean any less just because it’s ”just” us ourselves celebrating them? They really shouldn’t, and I guess I have the whole of next year, and beyond, to work on improving that mindset.

This might‘ve unintentionally come out a bit more on the angstier side than I planned lol, I think I’m still in that melancholic mood from last night🙈 But despite all that, I really am feeling tentatively optimistic about this new year and I’m more positive about the future than I’ve been in years.

I really hope we can all find some more little pockets of happiness here and there in the middle of the uncertainty and chaos that this world is throwing at us. It’s also important (for me and maybe for yous as well) to remember that even if we feel alone in our lives outside the interwebs, we can still have these supportive communities and connections online that can be life-savingly lovely<3

I‘m starting to doubt if I should even post this incoherent rant ahahah butttt then I remembered that one thing I think I did well in this past year was being very honest and open and raw in the way I was writing, and that ended up making so many (???😭) of you feel seen and heard and like you could relate. So I guess I’ll try to keep up with the good progress I made, and keep sharing openly even when it’s not always 100% sunshine and rainbows, and makes me worry about dragging other people down with me in my lil angsts. I mean, with finishing CYE this year, it became pretty clear that writing about difficult/“negative“ things can be an insanely positive experience too.

I hope you’re having a lovely first day of 2022, and yes, despite this messy rant in response to a simple sweet NY wishes ask (sorry😅), I think I’m actually doing pretty well. I hope you‘re all staying safe wherever you are, and maybe might even be able to remember one or two nice memories from the past year, even if it’s “just“ petting a puppy/kitty or listening to the rain or sitting in the sun or listening to a song that made you feel good.

We made it through 2021 & and we‘ll manage 2022 just the same. Go team! Love you, take care xx

[juminsmysticmc]

Aaaa, I also forgot yestrerday so I'm glad that it's today! Can we have rfa (or rfa + vandy if u like) with mc who don't want to get married but still wants to spend life with them, have family ane all. Thank you for that blog!

RFA with a Mc who doesn’t want to get married 

Hey! I am glad that I wasn’t the only one who forgot, lol. I decided that I will only do the RFA or the Minor Trio for each request, I hope it’s okay, please be free to request the Minor Trio again, yeah? Please tell me your opinion after you read this, okay? Love youuu!

Jumin

Your heart was beating crazily as you saw the back haired man get on his knees in front of you.

Your eyes looked around at all those people who saw you and waited for your response.

You knew Jumin for 11 days and knew that you wanted to spend your life with him. You loved him. Everything about him made your heart beat quicker and made you feel emotions no one else could make you feel.

However, you never wanted to get married.

You already witnessed how marriage changed people.

Friends, your own parents, neighbors.

Everyone.

You wanted this love to last forever.

,,Yes,’’ you lied, making him happy and kissing your soft lips.

He held your hands in his and smiled so happily.

But eventually, you had to tell him that you actually didn’t want to marry.

Not because of him, but just because you didn’t want to.

When the RFA Party ended and only the member themselves stayed, you pulled your fiancé towards a quiet corner.

,,Yes, my wife to be?’’ he asked you all lovely.

You pressed your lips together.

,,I want to spend my life together with you,’’ you said.

,,Me too,’’ he responded.

,,I want you to become the father of my children,’’ you went on.

,,I would love that too,’’ Jumin laughed, blushing a bit.

,,But I don’t want to get married,’’ you ended your speech.

,,I feel the- what? But… earlier you said…’’ Jumin gasped.

His eyes were open wide as he observed you.

Your hands were sweaty. You were nervous.

For sure, this wasn’t an easy step.

,,Marriage changes love. I want this love to last forever. I promise you I will stay forever by your side, but not as your wife but as simply your partner. I don’t need anything else, but you,’’ you told him, kissing him on his lips and taking away his fears about the non marriage…

Zen

It was Valentine's Day when Zen returned home with a lot of red roses and chocolate.

,,Happy Valentine’s Day, Princess,’’ he told you and kissed you, putting the bag with groceries on the floor and hugging you.

He still felt bad that he didn’t ask you to be his wife.

,,I promise you, as soon as my family finally approves me, I will take you as my wife and make you the happiest woman in the world,’’ he promised you, implanting a kiss on your head.

,,Well,’’ you began.

,,I never want to live a second without you, but honestly speaking, Hyun, I don’t want to get married,’’ you confessed, biting your lip as you waited for his answer.

,,Huh?’’ he asked, kind of confused.

Wasn’t it every woman’s dream to walk down the aisle in a white dress?

,,I don’t want to get married. Like, we could use the money better for our future children. Not being married is so much better, less work, and doesn’t cost that much,’’ you told him, taking his hands.

,,Jagjya, money isn’t an issue for me, you know?’’ he asked you, worried that you may think that he didn’t have enough money to marry you.

,,I know, but I just don’t want it… I don’t need a wedding as long as I have you, I don’t need marriage to make a family with the man I like,’’ you told him.

,,A family as a non married man… guess my family will never approve of me…’’ he mumbled.

You suddenly felt bad. Was it that important to him…? 

Instead, he surprised you with a totally different topic.

,,Since they don’t approve of my job, myself, or my lifestyle and wouldn’t even accept that I am not married, let’s do a baby right away!’’ he laughed and took your body in his embrace, slowly taking off his jacket....

Yoosung

After a while of being together as a couple with Yoosung, it finally happened - despite not being married, which wasn’t a problem for you, you got pregnant.

For Yoosung’s mother, something horrible.

,,Tell Mc that I will pick her up next monday to choose a dress with her,’’ his mother told him at nine a clock, after you spent the last three hours vomiting.

,,Sorry, babe,’’ Yoosung said, looking apologetic into your eyes.

You got up, pissed, and out on your shoes.

,,You know, Yoosung,’’ you began, looking into his sleepy eyes.

,,That’s the reason why I actually am against marriage. I love you and I want to spend my life with you. I want to have more children with you, but I don’t want to get married.

It’s stressful. It’s something I didn’t want to have, but now for your mother I have to try on a white dress, even through this is against my wishes, and I honestly don’t want to live life like that!’’ you told him and went into the kitchen, leaving Yoosung in his bed alone.

,,Mc, wait!’’ he called you, jumping up too and running behind you.

,,What do you mean with ‘something I didn’t want to do’? You don’t want to get married?’’ he asked you again.

You explained to Yoosung that you loved him dearly, but that you simply didn’t want to get married.

Yoosung nodded.

,,Besides,’’ you began, ,,you need to spend your life with me, not with her. And if you can’t do that even through we aren’t even married, imagine how a married life will go!’’

You ended your sentence and began to cook the food.

With that, Yoosung disappeared.

You heard him yelling for about ten minutes before he came out, ready to eat breakfast.

,,What happened?’’ you asked him, concerned.

,,I told my mother to find my sister a husband and instead leave my girlfriend alone because she will live with me forever even though she won’t be my wife,’’ Yoosung told you, making you smile brightly.

Jaehee

Finally, marrying for the both of you wasn’t a problem anymore.

However, deep inside you didn’t want to get married.

Sometimes you were just scared of changes and wanted to keep things the way they were - for example the relationship between you and your girlfriend Jaehee.

However, you were afraid of her reaction.

Both of you decided to sit down with a coffee around the table while the doors of your coffee shop were closed.

,,Thank God we closed for lunch time,’’ Jaehee laughed as she brought you your hot meal.

,,Yeah,’’ you responded, thinking how busy you were for the last four hours.

,,Okay, Mc...there is something off, please tell me what’s wrong?’’ Jaehee asked you.

,,I’m sorry, Jaehee… I was just worried… like, I am afraid of what will become of us if I tell you what is going through my head,’’ you honestly began.

,,Just tell me, nothing will change. I promise you,’’ she assured you and took your hand.

,,I...I love you and I want to stay with you and have a family, I want to work with you, be your best friend and so on… but I don’t want to get married.

I don’t know why, but I am just against it.

The whole attention, the money… I just don’t want to. Is that okay?’’ you asked her, playing with your hands and licking your lips nervously.

Jaehee stayed silent for a few seconds, but then smiled.

,,Mc, I would never force you to anything if you don’t want to, it’s okay. As long as we are together, I’m okay with it,’’ Jaehee said as she took your hands and smiled even warmer.

,,As long as you’re happy, I’m happy too,’’ she nodded.

Saeyoung

Saeran was healthy and happy by your side, Jumin managed to do something with the twins’ father after a long time, and everything was returning to normal.

You and Saeyoung were engaged for three years by now and the wedding preparations finally began.

However, the stress did too.

You and Saeyoung went to sleep alone for three nights in a row by now and both of you were unhappy 24/7.

You were simply unhappy with the theme he decided to go with and… well, you didn’t know what he was angry for.

But he was, and the more he was, the angrier you got.

It didn’t take any longer when you spoke up the fourth day.

,,I can’t take it anymore,’’ you hissed, making Saeran look up from his plate.

,,I don’t like the location, I hate the flowers, sorry Saeran, but no!’’ you hissed, since he chose the flower, making Saeyoung glare at you for hissing at his brother.

,,I don’t like the dress, I hate the shoes, and I dislike the decorations. I don’t like the food, I simply don’t like -’’

,,The groom either?’’ Saeyoung asked you, hitting the fork on the table and standing up, making him look taller than you.

,,His attitude,’’ you hissed.

,,Good, cause it’s the same for me,’’ he groaned.

,,Good! Same here!’’ you yelled.

,,Let’s call it off!’’ he hissed and turned away, regretting his words right away.

,,Yeah! PLEASE!’’ you shouted, feeling better now.

However, a big misunderstanding was growing in the room.

Thank God Saeran asked both of you if you were breaking up.

,,NO! YES!!’’ both of you responded at the same time, looking at each other’s eye with panic written all over your face since no one expected the response.

,,We aren’t breaking up, are we? I mean, I still love you… I just want to call off the marriage…’’ you mumbled, now slowly tearing up as you realized that your fiancé was breaking up with you.

,,NO NO NO NO NO!’’ Saeyoung whined, jumping over the chair and hugging you.

,,I thought you were breaking up with me…’’ he whined and kissed you on your head.

,,Let’s stay together, but let’s call off the wedding…’’ he whispered and finally felt much better.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

07.03.2021// 22:05 MEST

[having-a-hyperfixate]

Secret Reports

Gonna just edit this thing and put line breaks as I get more of them.

I’m also working on the rest of the completion, and will probably wander off in the middle of this to do Another Day, which will probably have its own post. I fully expect that to be sheer madness. 

#1 So is it just me or is Mr H writing these reports to channel how extremely stressed he is. Cuz like. Mood. *gestures vaguely at blog* *gestures at this post specifically*

I. Hold up. Skeezy McFuckwad and Joshua did what resulting in which now. Excuse me. EXPLAIN!??! Joshua had a sneaky Game running with Skeezy that directly lead to Hazuki ordering Skeezy to destroy Shinjuku??? Is that what I am reading. Or possibly the order was already in the works, and then there was the Game, which ultimately just pushed that forward?? You can’t just say shit like that and not give details ffffffff.

 #2 Mr H having about as much contempt for Shinjuku rules as I do I feel seen haha. Bogus indeed. I can’t remember if I said it in one of my other posts, of if it was in a group chat, but I made a comment somewhere how this ruleset doesn’t seem to work with the stated purpose of the whole Reaper’s Game system. Sweet validation.

 #3 Not much to say except that if I had read this entire report when I actually got it, I would have been much more alarmed by all of the Replays Rindo has to do after that. I got it partway through week 3 but decided not to read it until I beat the game and then BAM it has this lovely tidbit about potentially being able to destroy the UG and RG.

 #4 So, the business that the fandom refers to as the Long Game is known in universe by the higher-ups and Shibuya’s impurification, because it didn’t get ‘purified’ like Shinjuku (I object to that term but ok).

“The hierarchical freeze presumably stems from opposition to the impurification”

Skeezy wasn’t reprimanded when he arrived in Shibuya “possibly because most Higher Plane denizens still oppose Shibuya’s impurification”

ExcUSE ME. I. WHAT. In one of the secret reports for the first game, Mr H says something about the way things turned out be an ‘ideal parallel world’ according to the Angels. I guess he only meant the ones who didn’t want the city destroyed holy shit. That most of them didn’t want Joshua to change his mind and STILL DON’T is so massively fucked up I can’t. Dear Higher Plane, what the actual, ever loving fuck.

-----------------

#5 One hundred and four Games under Shiba. That’s… so. many. teams. Holy shit. And the teams we knew had seen at LEAST 30 teams go. And the three teams we saw weren’t small. So many people…

Also, “Minamimoto seems to be plotting something” is the funnies thing I’ve read in ages OF COURSE HE IS that’s what he DOES. XD That was some mood whiplash.

#6 I was so hung up on the lack of entry fee for so long you don’t even know. Like. Those were so important in the first one it was baffling to me that Shinjuku rules didn’t have anything similar. And then eventually I just decided that the whole Game wasn’t being run correctly and Shiba was clearly after something other than driving the improvement that’s supposed to be the point.

I would like more explanation on this ‘Rindo’s stagnation makes him perfect for time travel thing’. I kind of understand how his reactions being consistent would be helpful in being able to control where the timeline goes (also I just realized this further confirms that Angels remember the other timelines glad I wasn’t imagining that the Prime days are a blur), but what does he mean about being able to maintain abnormally high levels of imagination? (It might tell me later so don’t say anything lol)

“I can only hope I’m not overthinking things.” Oh, you aren’t. If I’m understanding everything correctly, Skeezy actually had two proxies. And poor Rindo managed to end up being proxy for both sides at the same time which is. A mess.

 #7 Well, finally we know how Coco managed to get her hands on a taboo sigil. Plagiarism. Lmao. That at least makes sense and I can worry less about her being Something Else. I would like a word with whoever didn’t clean that up from Udagawa long enough for her to copy it though. That’s hilarious. Interesting that Mr H thinks it wasn’t a perfect recreation though, that something in him got changed. Once again, please elaborate. Please. *headdesk* What prompted Coco to just. Copy a taboo sigil though. Cuz that seems. Unusual.

------------------

#8 Ok there’s a lot to unpack in this one. Namely, more Shinjuku rules. I would love to know if these are long standing rules or relatively recent. Cuz like. Did Shinjuku’s Game ever run in a way that would drive the kind of improvement that’s supposed to be the overall goal? Or has it always, or at least for a while now, been basically a meat grinder? The players that don’t clear that minimum bar probably just get erased outright, I would think. Actually, I’m confused. If normally, one team would get to leave and one team would be erased, wouldn’t that normally keep the average pretty level, so the Game would basically go on forever? Otherwise what do you do with all the other teams that are between first and last? I’m confused. It can’t be normal for teams to keep asking for more rounds. And what if the winning team says ‘everyone gets to go home’?

“The Conductor has yet to contact the Composer” and “it is possible he is unaware of the Higher Plane’s purification protocol.” I don’t know why, but I get the feeling these are important.

 #9 These secret reports are really driving at the whole ‘Rindo just goes with it’ thing, aren’t they. Like, that was his thing, right? He has trouble making definitive decisions? So his arc culminates in that moment in Udagawa where he tells Hazuki that he’s going to take the risk and go back one more time, where he’s making that decision purely for his own sake. And here Mr H seems to be saying that prodding Rindo down the road to character growth is going to be a lot harder than it was with Neku back in the day. Which makes sense, I think. Confronting someone with the concept that other people have value is a lot less complicated than trying to get them to not only make a firm decision, but to choose something that is purely because it’s what they want and need, not because someone else thinks they should.

It’s a little alarming that this report implies that if the pin wasn’t absorbing the Dissonance caused by the Replays, the UG and RG would already be having a bad time. Yikes. This is the report for day 2 of the second week. We haven’t even gotten into the crazy time travel yet.

Aaaaand #10 is for completing the social network, so I have to actually go do Another Day. I want to read these in order; it is much less confusing that way.

------------

#10 I really shouldn’t read these late at night with a possible migraine coming on, they’re already confusing enough. The bits that made sense: Uzuki was acting Conductor damn girl. (Did she have to deal with Joshua and was he in Dignified Mode or Being a Shit Mode because that’s possibly an oof.) I had assumed Shiba was Shinjuku’s Conductor and then just kinda took over after they moved in but apparently not? And RIP the actual Conductor, apparently. Weird that so many Reapers made it but the Conductor, who by all rights should have, didn’t.

I am slightly concerned by the fact that there’s standard procedure for obliterating a district. That’s. Alarming.

I don’t think page 4 is continuing the thought on page 3. Fucking. Stop that. Don’t just say a thing and then start talking about something else I would like EXPLANATIONS. UGH. “Almost” he says. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that almost is a big deal, so why don’t you tell me about it.

Four cases where a district got into trouble before a final decision on whether to reset or not was made. And one was the last game. I wonder if that means whatever was wrong that made Joshua want to destroy it, or if the ‘imbalance’ was all the madness that happened after he agreed to one final Game with Kitaniji and the left the UG. Cuz in one of the first set of secret reports, it says that with the Composer absent, the UG is starting to fall apart as the rules are no longer valid, or something like that. I would definitely call that an imbalance.

 #11 All I care about in this report is that Mr H wants to have a digital art bonding party with Kaie and that is so random why are you writing this down you absolute goober. The first page of this report is like ‘everyone is getting depressed’ and then just a wild left turn into dork-town. Lmao what.

-------------

#12 I don’t think Mr H knows at this point (you get this report for W2D5’s Boss Noise) that the Ruinbringers are all Reapers. He’s gonna be mad. He does know what Shoka is up to though. He’s worried. Aw.

 #13 It didn’t occur to me until this report hit me in the face with it, but they’ve set up a fantastic contrast between the two people Rindo knows from online. One is. not great, let’s say, because I did not take the reveal of Motoi’s true self well. The other is Shoka, and she’s a real friend. I now see what you did there. One relationship that’s a farce and one that really, really isn’t.

 #14 Me, out loud, at 1:30 in the damn a.m.: WAIT. HOLD THE FUCK UP.

If getting Tsugumi out of Mr Mew required an Angel, how in the hell did Shiki manage to…? What. I’m very confused.

Also damn, saving Tsugumi was so important that Shinjuku’s Conductor died for it. Did he know what she could do, the whole visions thing? Or maybe that something was wrong with Shiba and it would take someone like her to potentially stop him in the future?

I still would like to now how the hell Tsugumi got her hands on Mr Mew. Especially since its apparently the ORIGINAL Mr Mew and she seems to have had him during the inversion? What.

 #15 So… Inversions don’t always happen when a region is purified. I’m trying to wrap my brain around what a ‘complete loss of character’ in and area that’s had an Inversion could mean. Like… I think I get it, but my brain won’t make words, let alone sentences. Like when you go into a hotel room, and it doesn’t feel like a home, as opposed to when you go to a friend or family’s house, and it does? Kinda like that but it’s the whole district that’s just… blank? That’s kinda creepy.

If there are so many who think a ‘regular purification’ isn’t enough, the a) what does that even look like, b) is that what Joshua was going to do to Shibuya and c) is there an intermediate step between ‘normal’ and Inversion? I have been staring at this report for literally 15 minutes now.

 #16 “I wonder how [Shiba] will feel about all this after he is allowed to return to his former self.” Yuuuuuup. I still Do Not Like him, but dude was borderline mind controlled so like. Yeah. And I did get to kill him once, so. As long as he minds his business and isn’t a total dick from here on, whatever. It all just sucks.

*facepalm* Well at least we got to being suspicious of Replay eventually. Why did it take you this long Mr H. Though I do wonder what Rindo would have been able to do without the interference. He had to have some kind of latent skill for the pin to react to him, right? I’m now going in circles mentally trying to puzzle out if Replay is like, a leveled up version of whatever Rindo would have naturally had, and regardless, where exactly it came from. Because the only time I can think of when anyone had a chance to mess with the pin was when he didn’t catch it in the prologue. And I’m pretty sure it was Joshua who picked it up. Aaagh I’m giving myself a headache.

I find it hard to believe skeezy would just yeet a random time travel pin out into the world. That seems both dumb as fuck and inefficient.

 #17 “Some of them who know what I am occasionally try to contact me.” Lol so Kariya DOES know who Mr H is, I take it. Alright.

I’m having some kind of emotion that Wildkat still exists in a way for the Reapers, and that some of them still go there.

I just imagined Uzuki texting him like ‘plz make the Composer fucking do something kthx’ and I’ve got the giggles now oh dear

 #18 HA! I was right! Minamimoto WASN’T in control when he attacked us! ‘Distortions within himself’ though, that’s concerning. Does that have to do with how he’s come back from the dead twice now? And how Coco’s copy of the sigil was apparently imperfect?

 #19 I was about to say ‘who would target him for his abilities?’ and then my brain turned back on because duh. Shiba and them were looking hard for Neku, to the point that they flooded the RG with Player Pins in the hopes that he would pick one up and get sucked into the Game. A thing that occurred to me last night at 3:30 in the morning because I am a disaster: Mr H says that Minamimoto ‘seems different’. Neku says much the same thing after he comes back. So… Neku’s ability to Scan all the way down to someone’s Soul is potentially close to as sensitive as Mr H’s long distance ability. Which is a little insane. On top of the fact that he can use basically every psych imaginable no problem, survived a pact with a Composer for a full week, while said Composer was using crazy light beams which probably should have melted Neku from the feedback, and then almost singlehandedly defeated the Conductor while somehow inventing four-way fusion attacks. Kid is mad powerful. And he’s just a human. Like, the OG secret reports say that people always become dramatically stronger when they become Reapers. Reaper!Neku would be unstoppable.

“This would be much simpler if I could sit down and talk with him.” Okay, I laughed out loud. Like, loudly.

So… Shinjuku’s Composer… basically had his Conductor assassinated by skeezy. And because skeezy was messing with Shiba’s head, he could prompt Shiba to take the Reapers to Shibuya afterwards, to start doing it there too? Hazuki ordered Shinjuku’s purification so… Oh dear. I might have a few bones to pick with him.

 OH NO. OOOOOH. OH NOOOO. SHINJUKU’S CONDUCTOR. HE WAS TSUGUMI’S BROTHER OH MY GOD. That is fucking tragic what the fuck. What the FUCK. Okay several things make sense now but OH MY GOD FUCKING HELL I WAS NOT READY FOR THAT. Shiki fixing Mr Mew allowed Tsugumi to free herself because her brother had already done part of the work, I take it? Along with us getting the Noise out of there? No wonder the Conductor stayed, he had to go get his sister… Shit, man.

 …… Did Coco steal Mr Mew and take him to Shinjuku?????

----------------------------

#21 isn’t very interesting, just a rehash of stuff we already knew.

#22 Okay Haz IS Shinjuku’s Composer. What. Why? I’m. So confused. Why would he intercede on our behalf, and why NOW? He was happy to throw his own city away, but stepped in to stop skeezy in Shibuya? And then tried to put it back together, and when Rindo was miserable he came to try to understand why. And then cajoled Rindo into having a breakthrough in his Character Development to boot.

Mr H says he has an idea why Haz did all this. And then doesn’t fucking say it because OF COURSE. *headdesk* That gets really old really fast, game.

I’m now running through The Last Day’’ to get the final two reports and this entire section with Haz is somehow even more confusing with context. God damn it Nomura.

 #23 Even after he said we were on our on this time, he forced the Soul Pulvis to reform as Pheonix Cantus to make it easier for us to fight? Bro. What. Are all Composers just… walking contradictions? Aiya.

Shoutout to emotional support Joshua at the end there lol. I remember half-hysterically thinking ‘what are you just here for moral support?’ but ok. And I mean, it did work, Neku did manage to do the thing, so. *sigh* Speaking of, it is ABSOLUTELY INSANE that Neku manage to sync with the entire city without his brain melting. Remember at the beginning of the first game when he scans for the first time and has a massive sensory overload? Look at my boy, all grown up.

 #24 Holy shit world building on how exactly people come back to life without everyone freaking out. I never thought I would see the day.

I still have so many questions but that was always going to be the case. The first game had so many things it left open as well. Agh. Time to start wearing new holes in my brain overthinking things.

[lynndoublelegacy]

just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well. 

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death. 

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

[lovemesomesurveys]

Sleep with or without clothes on? I always sleep with clothes on.

Prefer black or blue pens? Black.

Dress up on Halloween? Nah, not anymore.

Like to travel? Yes. I wish I could more of it. And now with the pandemic who knows when I’ll be doing any traveling. 

Like someone? I don’t have any romantic feelings for anyone currently.

Are you dating the person you like? There’s no such person as I said.

Do they know? Uh, wouldn’t the person I was dating know I was dating them?

Who sleeps with you every night? No one.

Think you’re attractive? No.

Want to get married? No. It’s not something I see ever happening for me.

Are you a good student? I was. I’m done with school now.

Are you currently happy? No.

Have you ever cheated on someone? Been cheated on? Nope and nope.

Birthplace? Somewhere in California. 

Christmas or Halloween? Christmas.

Colored or black-and-white photo? Colored, but black and white photos are beautiful as well. I just like color.

Do long distance relationships work? They certainly can. People do it.

Do you believe in astrology? Nope.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Not at all.

Do you consider yourself the life of the party? Haha, no, definitely not.

Do you drink? Nah, I haven’t drank in 8 years now and have no desire to. Just wasn’t my thing.

Do you think dreams eventually come true? Not always of course, but some do.

Favorite fictional character? I watch a lot of shows and movies and read a lot of books, so I have many favorites.

Go to the movies or rent? I enjoy going to the movies. Some movies I like to experience in theaters for the first time, like the big ones that I’m excited about. Some movies I think look kinda good, but I can wait until they’re available to rent or stream. I miss going to the movies, though. It’s been almost a year now since the last time.

Have you ever moved? Yeah.

Have you ever stolen anything? When I was a kid I thought the candy in the big candy bins at the store were free, ha. Whoops.

How’s the weather right now? It was super windy today. 

Last time you cut your hair? Almost a year ago.

Last person you talked to on the phone? My mom.

Last time you showered? A couple days ago.

Loud or soft music? I like to have the volume at a reasonable level. I don’t need it blasting.

McDonalds or Burger King? I like some stuff from both.

Night or day? Night.

Number of pillows? I only use two, but I have like 11 on my bed lol. I like throw pillows.

Piano or guitar? Piano.

Future job? I don’t know. :/

Current job? I don’t have one.

Current longing? I want Wingstop.

Current disappointment? My mom and brother checked a few places and couldn’t find any of my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks, so that sucked. 

Current annoyance? My head hurts.

Last thing you ate? Some shortbread cookies. I was dipping them in Almond Breeze that has a hint of honey in it and the combo was delicious. 

Last thing you bought? Starbucks.

Most recent thing you are looking forward to? New episodes of my some of my shows I watch this week.

What are you hearing right now? I’m watching a vlog.

Plans for the weekend? Nothing out of the ordinary.

What did you do today? Slept until 5, had coffee, checked my social medias, watched TV, had dinner and watched The Servant with my mom and bro, and now here I am doing surveys and watching YouTube videos.

Pick a lyric, any lyric or song? Nah.

Pick a movie quote? Nah.

Do you believe that Walt Disney is really frozen? No.

Did you ever hear that myth? Yeah, I know about it.

When you get older, do you want children? I’m 31 and know that I don’t want children.

If not do you want cats instead? I want dogs instead.

Do you believe it's easy to forgive and forget? Not the forgetting part.

Do you ever wish your parents would disappear? No!

When you feel like running away from it all, who do you call? I don’t call anyone I just cry and do my normal go-to activities to try and distract myself and get through the day.

Do you speak any foreign languages? Not fluently, but I can speak a little Spanish.

Are you in high school? Nooo, I graduated over a decade ago. I’m old.

Elementary? Omg.

College? Nope, I graduated back in 2015.

How many stairs can you climb before you wanna pass out? Well, I can’t take the stairs at all since I’m in a wheelchair.

Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No.

Do you want to? That’s a weird thing to want to do lol. Like, you can not mind or not care if you did, but to be like, “I really want to kiss someone with braces” is weird.

What color is your shower curtain? Blue.

Do you own a wallet? Yeah.

Do you have any money in it? Nope.

Do you think you smell good? I smell my deodorant. 

Do other people agree? Hopefully no one thinks I smell bad.

Do you think painting toenails is stupid? No? I don’t paint my toenails, but I don’t think it’s stupid to do so.

Do you enjoy school? I enjoyed aspects of it.

Why or why not? I’m someone who easily gets overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out, but I enjoyed learning about the stuff I was interested in and not all the projects were bad.

Have you had sex in the past week? No. Or ever.

Is it awkward when you run into your ex? That never happens. We don’t live in the same city for one, but also I don’t go anywhere, ha.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Yes. I fell in love twice and was rejected and hurt, so not the best experience. But I think I’m more afraid the older I get, too.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

Do you remember who you liked in Year Seven? My best friend at the time, Kyle.

Are there any relationships you wish could have lasted longer? Ty and I never dated, but I feel like something could have happened between us. I feel like it was heading in that direction and if we had more time together... who knows. But things got messed up.

Will you get kissed tonight? Nope.

Have you had to have stitches at all in the last year? No.

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32.

Which is coming next: Christmas or your birthday? My birthday.

Have you ever stayed up all night and then gone to work in the morning? Not work, but school.

Would you pierce your nipples for $100? Nooo.

Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. That’s not something I want, but that’s also something I worry about the older I get because it’s not uncommon for people my age to have a child, probably more, so finding someone who doesn’t may be hard.

Are you taller than 5’6”? No, I’m like 5′4.

Would you ever consider adoption? I don’t want children, I think I’ve made that pretty clear now.

How do you feel about your life right now? I feel good at all about it.

What’s the last song you listened to? I don’t remember to be honest. I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Have you ever been a clown for Halloween? No.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? Yeah, it’s past my butt.

What time did you go to bed last night? Not until after 9AM. :/

When did you get up this morning? It was evening time when I got up at 5PM.

When was the last time it rained? A few weeks ago.

Are your fingernails painted at the moment? Nope. I haven’t painted them in years.

Do you ever go hunting/fishing? No. I have no interest in either of those.

When was the last time you went camping? Never. Not something I have any interest in doing either.

Are you currently wearing anything orange? Nope.

Do you know anyone who is a nurse? Yeah.

Are you currently wearing any jewelry? Nope.

Was any of it given to you?

If so, by whom? What are you looking forward to tomorrow? There isn’t anything.

Do you know anyone who plays guitar? Not that I know of.

How many missed calls have you had today? One.

Have you told anyone you loved them today? No.

Are you wearing shoes at the moment? No.

Does it snow where you live? No, sadly.

Do you live within an hour of the ocean? More like 2 1/2 hours.

Do you ever do things even though you know you'll regret it later? Yes. And not do things that I know I’ll regret not doing.

What are you currently sitting/laying on? My chair.

Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? No.

How old is your oldest living grandparent? I think he’s 87.

Do you remember who you were dating in July 2006? No one.

Are you still dating that person? Yes, I’m dating no one. ha.

Who was the last non-relative of the same sex you had a conversation with? My doctor.

Last non-relative of the opposite sex? The nurse at my last appointment.

Do you tend to fall for people who don’t return your feelings? Yep. :/ 

Where do you go to school, if anywhere? I’m done with school. I wouldn’t give you the name anyway.

Do you have a job? No.

Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing? Hot Topic.

Are you left-handed? Nope.

Do you wear contacts? No, I wear glasses.

Who are your godparents? I don’t have any.

What do you think of winter? I love the winter.

Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? No.

Which parent do you look most like? My mom.

Ever been to Alabama? No.

Do you use eBay to buy or sell? I’ve only ever bought stuff on eBay. 

Ever failed a test? Yes.

Do you have any friends who are famous? No.

Is your computer a laptop? It is.

Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I’ve gone 8 years and have no desire as of now, so. 

What did you dress up as for Halloween? It’s been a few years since I’ve dressed up for Halloween. I’m over that part of it.

Your most recent ex breaks down and tells you they love you, what do you do? Ha, that wouldn’t happen. 

You and your last ex: who should hate whom? Neither of us should hate the other. Nothing happened to warrant those kind of feelings. 

When was the last time you stayed at a hotel? Almost a year ago during my Disneyland vacation.

Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Yes.

Is your self esteem high or low? My self-esteem is shit. When was the last time you showered? A couple days ago.

Is music a daily part of your life? No. Especially not lately. 

Yellow nail polish: yes or no? Sure.

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No.

What are you doing right now? This and watching a YouTube video.

What time did you wake up this morning? I didn’t get up until 5PM.

When was the last time you cried really hard? About a week ago.

Think of your last kiss, was it good? Yeah.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My doggo. (:

Have you ever held hands with the same sex? Yeah, my mom.

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Fall or winter.

What’s bothering you right now? My head hurts.

What were you doing at eleven last night? I was coloring and watching Sister, Sister. Lol, sounds like I traveled back to my childhood.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? No. All the clothes I wear are mine.

Have you ever kissed the last person you text messaged? No.

What side of a heart do you draw first? The left, I think.

Is there someone you will never forget? There’s a lot of people I’ll never forget.

Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out of your life? My loved ones, of course.

This time last year, were you single? Yep. I’ve been single for 8 years.

Do you listen to music when you’re down? I don’t turn to music anymore for that, I tend to turn to ASMR.

What is your mom saved as in your phone? “Mama Bear” with a bear and purple heart emojis. 

When’s your birthday? July 28th.

Can a relationship last without honesty? I don’t know what kind of relationship that would be. 

Do you curse in front of your parents? No. I’m a grown adult and still feel weird about it lol. And it’s not like my parents don’t cuss. My mom loves her f-bombs, ha. I’m just weird.

Are you short? Yes.

Did you have any unread text messages this morning when you woke up? No.

Which shoe do you put on first? I think my left. 

Do you wish things were better? That sure would be nice.

What are your plans for Friday? New episodes of a couple shows I watch come out, so I’ll have those to watch. Otherwise, just the same ol’, same ol.’

Saturday? Nothing out of the ordinary.

Anything going on this week? No.

Do you find it hard to trust others? For me, it’s opening up to people that is hard for me.

Are you a patient person? No.

Do you laugh a lot? I haven’t had a good, real laugh in so long. I chuckle and do the blow air out of nose laugh, ha.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yeah.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black.

What color are your pants/shorts? I’m wearing blue leggings.

Plan on getting married? No.

Do you believe that love lasts forever? Not always, but it definitely can.

Do you believe everyone needs a second chance? Not everyone, but generally. I give out many chances.

Do you want your tongue pierced? No.

Do you always answer your phone? When it’s my parents or brother.

What woke you up this morning? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, but most likely it’ll be my alarm.

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? It’s only 12:33AM, but I hope to be asleep at 8.

Do you say "sexy" a lot? I like never say that.

Ever made out in a pool? No.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair? Long. I just wish I had the energy and motivation to style it and take better care of it. My hair is so long and all I do is throw it up in a bun all the time.

Where do you keep your money? In my bank.

What was the weather like today? It’s currently 57f.

Do you want to cut your hair? Just a trim.

Do you like sushi? Blech, no.

Are you over the age of 25? Yes. I’m 31. I typed 32 at first, I’m already aging myself up ugh. I have a few months until then.

Do you have a nickname? Just Steph and Sis.

Do you change your phone background a lot? Not a lot, but every few months I’d say. I really get into during the holidays.

Would you get back with your last ex if you could? No.

Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? Nope. It’s been like 10 years since we’ve talked or seen each other.

How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Ha, my outings only include going to the doctor now, but it doesn’t take me long at all. I put in minimal effort.

Have you ever been strip searched? No.

[olliethealright]

Three Steps From Home: Update 4

Hey everyone! Long time, no see! Basically, I’ve been unmotivated for the past month or so, and as a result I’ve barely touched my socials. Good news, I’ve written the next eleven or so chapters of my WIP, and it’s almost doubled in word count lol. I don’t want to do a full sized update on every chapter because that would take a stupidly long amount of time, so I’m just gonna summarize and then give a little excerpt (this ended up being chapters 11-16) Not every quote has a picture because I am a tad lazy lol. Enjoy! 

Trigger Warnings: Emotional abuse, toxic relationships, homophobia, self harm, suicide, mental health, drug use, religious content

Disclaimer: Please don’t steal my words, ideas, characters, etc.

chapter eleven - problem child - 2118 words

theme song - if i get high - nothing but thieves

summary: Jude and Aaron have one last dinner with Jude’s mother before moving to Seattle. Shit goes down, Jude’s father is addressed, Jude’s mom has an anti-religious experience, everyone is upset. 

except - Jude thinking about his family before his dad left

I was two months from finishing my Junior year as a top student, six from applying to every out of state school I could think of, fourteen from leaving everything and never coming back. From the outside, the Alvarez-Carter family was a model of the American dream; we took family photos everywhere we went and cooked each other dinners on alternating days of the week. We  attended every house party, where my mother exchanged gossip like trading cards and my dad sipped Bud Light from a bottle and played cornhole. At those same parties, I flirted shamelessly with every girl in the vicinity, then cited my religion as the reason I wouldn’t do more than exchange pretty words.

The night dad left wasn’t the first time my parents fought in front of me, but it was the night they shattered the already paper thin barrier they had held between me and their issues. I never knew who started it, never knew who threw the first punch, but I knew who delivered the killing blow.

chapter twelve - golden days - 854 words

theme song - ribs - lorde,  also chelsea - phoebe bridgers 

summary: Aaron and Jude move into their new apartment, very light airy vibes, Jude idealizing everything, Aaron and Jude being adorable (yeah can you tell nothing actually happens in this one lmao). 

excerpt - Aaron and Jude leaving Montana

A taxi dropped us off at the Amtrak station the next morning. Our breath rose in front of us on the platform, I tiled my head back and tasted the sunlight; sweet and overflowing with new beginnings. Maybe, I’d be lucky enough to catch one for both of us. 

chapter thirteen - unholy creation - 900 words

theme song - reflections - the neighborhood

summary: Aaron’s mental health takes a turn, Jude is worried but has no idea what to do, Jude and Aaron fight for no good reason

excerpt - a description of Aaron falling off several wagons 

You were a shell of fragile bones and sharp edges when I wrapped an arm around you during a scary movie or curled against your chest late at night. You started wearing a flannel or a sweatshirt over every outfit, an extra layer to hide your ribs and hip bones and elbows, so sharp they could cut through glass. I stopped holding you so tight, afraid of the snap of calcium or cartilage or spirit.

okay one more because I like this chapter haha - Aaron getting mad when Jude asks about his parents

“It’s not about them, alright? I’m not going to talk about them because they’re not part of my life, they don’t control anything. Stop asking about them because they don’t matter, and I wouldn’t tell you if they did.”

You said the words like a chant, a litany, like you were the one who needed convincing. I pictured my mother in her dark dining room, palms up to God, praying for a miracle. You looked like her then, all the fear and anger coming out in one jumble of meaningless words. I flinched away when I should have stood my ground.

chapter fourteen - (has a title but I hate it) - 674 words

theme song - fear of falling asleep - TENDER  

summary - Jude has a mental breakdown, Aaron buys him sleeping pills and then takes them himself, they (kind of) fight, everything is toxic

excerpt - Jude watching Aaron sleep (it’s a weird chapter)

You took my meds that night, I cheeked them until you turned your back, then spit them into the dishwater and washed them down with green suds and scraps of tofu and rice. An hour later, you were passed out in our bed, skeletal limbs stretching out like the fragile branches of a birch tree. I watched as your chest rose and fell, dappled in moonlight and the neon buzz of constant electricity. For a few moments at a time, I convinced myself that your steady rhythm of in-and-out had stopped, I watched as you left this world and then came back. I couldn’t tell how much time was in between.

chapter fifteen - forest, electric (aka my favorite chapter in the book?) - 1279 words

theme song - are you bored yet - wallows 

summary - in an attempt to renew their relationship, Aaron takes Jude on a hike to a construction site in the middle of the night. The two sit on the roof and watch the sunrise. 

excerpt - starting the adventure

We walked four blocks south to meet our Uber, then set off down the winding streets of the city. It was one in the morning and if I looked close enough, I could convince myself I had woken up in a ghost town. Or maybe I was stuck in dreamland, where my boyfriend was perfect and everything I saw was real and I didn’t have to negotiate with myself when I needed an hour or two of rest.

excerpt - the end of the chapter that I just really like

We didn’t talk about our problems that night; we pretended I wasn’t sick and you weren’t hooked. That night, my mother didn’t hate you, we visited your parents once a year during glamorous Scottish vacations, we weren’t runaways. We dangled our feet over the edge of the roof, neither of us thought about jumping, about how our stomachs would drop faster than our bodies, about the inevitable crush of bones and life that awaited at the bottom.

That night, we leaned into each other and locked our hands and whispered ‘I love yous’ until a band of pink and orange lit the horizon and we realized we would get caught if we stayed much longer. We walked the two miles home and fell asleep curled in each other’s arms an hour before your 7:00AM alarm, two before you would leave the apartment again, eight before you would return home just before your high wore off.

I knew all these realities to be true at once, so I breathed in cologne and coffee grounds, took a picture in my head so that image of you, asleep and unaddicted and bathed in the sunrise, would stay with me forever.

chapter sixteen - gods and monsters - 1378 words

theme song - freakin out on the interstate - briston maroney 

summary - Aaron and Jude’s friends come over for the Fourth of July, Aaron comes home drunk and makes his friends leave, Jude’s friend tells Jude to break up with Aaron, Jude refuses 

excerpt - Jude convincing himself that everything is fine when it is clearly not fine (aka the theme of the book and also should probably be the title)

You were sallow and gaunt, your hair was greasy, your breath smelled of vomit and alcohol and whatever else you had taken. You were a monster in our bed, but I could feel that lazy half smile against my skin. I could close my eyes and see you sitting in that tea shop, long limbs sprawled over the pillows, the sun on your skin making you glow like a god.

That image of you couldn’t lie, not when I had lived that moment, not when it had been so beautiful. I wouldn’t leave you because you would be alright and this would pass. You convinced me everything would look better in the morning, all our problems would fade with the rising sun.

You were wrong. They didn’t.

Okay, this is getting way too long so I’m gonna end it here! Thank you so much if you actually read all that! If you want more information on any chapter, just message me and I will do that. The update on the last few chapters of the first draft should be out somewhat soon, and I may or may not have a new WIP coming up :)

ALSO, it has come to my attention that most people have these things called taglists? And I don’t have one? If you wanna be on mine for this project, or any future projects, message me or repost this and I will make one. Thank you for reading!

-Ollie

[bgn846]

Worthy Chapter 5: Denial FFXV A/B/O Promnis

<Previous Chapter 4 “You think I’ve what?!” Ignis sputtered over his morning coffee.  “That is preposterous. How on earth did you come up with that, Gladio?” He asked leaning forward over his neat but cluttered desk.

 The shield smiled.  “Sana and I were chatting last night, and she mentioned that Prompto may have imprinted on you.”

 Ignis was still in shock by the very idea.  He hadn’t heard of an omega imprinting on anyone in years.  “That sounds barbaric,” he uttered finally as he retrieved his phone to open his calendar.

 “Clearing your schedule so you can research imprinting, are we?” Gladio asked with a smirk.

 Huffing, Ignis rolled his eyes at the shields antics.  “You already know the answer: I must know what I’m dealing with so I can better prepare.”

 Gladio furrowed his brow. “Um, what exactly would you be preparing for?”

 “If I knew that, Gladiolus, then I wouldn’t need to research, now would I?” Ignis answered curtly.

 The shield smiled.  “Will you at least admit you acted differently around Prompto when he was here?”

 Pausing and thinking on Gladio’s statement, Ignis did know he’d taken more care than normal in dealing the omega.  “Yes, I will concede that I have been somewhat affected by Prompto’s visit. If my research proves Sana’s theory correct then I will . . . .” Ignis trailed off.

 “Uh – you will what?”

 “I will go rescue him from the frozen hell that is Niflheim and share my closet!  Gladio, I don’t know! Go away, I need to work, and you’re filling my head with ideas of domestic bliss.” Ignis huffed.

 This statement elicited a bark of laughter from the shield as he stood to leave.  “Fine, I’ll leave you to it, but will you at least let me know what you find out? Honestly, I’m sorta jealous you get to experience this and not me.”

 “Come now, Gladio. You and Sana are made for each other.  I know you had a rocky start, but she loves you dearly. She’ll even be moving here in a couple months.  That’s more than I can say for my nonexistent pack.”

 “The invite still stands if you want into ours.  Sana thinks you’re cute.”

 “I have considered the idea, but I think your pack has the perfect dynamic right now.” Ignis smiled.  “Now get out of my office.” He made a shooing motion in Gladio’s direction in hopes he’d leave.  

 As he watched Gladio go, Ignis felt a funny feeling tumble through his stomach.  Was he actually getting butterflies thinking about Prompto? He promptly postponed his next meeting and hunkered down at his computer to find out.

     --

   “Noct!!” Prompto whined over the phone.  “What am I going to do? I’ve ruined everything.”

 “You haven’t ruined anything, Prompto. Stop freaking out.   I swear to you, Ignis isn’t upset. You can still send a reply, and he won’t mind the delay.  I promise,” Noct tried.

 “But it’s been two weeks since he sent it!  I was too scared to reply. How dumb is that? He asks if I’m okay, and if I had any trouble, and I ignore him.”

 “I’ve known him most of my life, Prompto, and I’m telling you it’s fine.  Send him a text back. He’ll answer you. What’s the worst that can happen?”

 The blond couldn’t help himself as he blurted an answer. “He bans you from having contact with me, and I die lonely and depressed.”   Prompto couldn’t help but be dramatic. It’d been two whole weeks since his return from Lucis, and he was missing it every day. It would absolutely gut him to not be able to talk to Noct.  Having a friend helped ease the sorrow of everyday life.

 “I’m going to have him call you if you’re not careful, buddy.”

 “Wha – No!  I’ll text – I promise, don’t have him call me. I’ll die for sure if he calls me,” he stammered.

 “I expect a full report later on what he wrote back.”

 Prompto sighed. “Now you are being silly. He won’t answer me.”   He could hear Noct huff. It wasn’t like he understood what life was like as a male omega.  Nothing went your way.

 “I’ll remain optimistic for you, then.  Hey, I gotta go; I need to attend some super stuffy council meeting.  Can I call you later when I finish?”

 “Yeah, for sure. I’m not going anywhere.”  The call ended as they both said their goodbyes. Now to the matter at hand.  What to write back to Ignis?

 Opting to keep it simple Prompto, opened his messenger app to type out a reply. Glancing at the unanswered message from Ignis he winced.  Why did he wait so long! The advisor had only wished to know if he had arrived safely.

 Prompto Argentum 10:18AM:          Thank you for checking in on me and I am safe.  

 Before he could chicken out, he hit the send button.  Tossing the phone further away, he curled up on his bed and groaned.  Why was this so difficult? It was conversation, pure and simple. A pinging noise made him bolt upright and stare incredulously at his phone.   There was no way Ignis had texted him back. It must have been from Noct.

 Reaching out slowly as if his phone might bite him, he flipped it over.  A response from      the    Ignis Scientia was waiting.  Prompto’s brain took this moment to spring into action.  What if he was writing back to tell him he was not allowed to talk to Noct anymore?  Fearful of what the text might say, he didn’t open it for another ten minutes.

 Finally, though, latching onto Noct’s previous words of encouragement, he took a deep breath and opened the message.

 Ignis Scientia 10:20AM:          Excellent. I’m very happy to hear you are safe.  Do let me know if you need anything in the future.  

 Prompto looked at his phone with wide eyes.  Okay, he’d written back and left it open ended.  Now what? Should he reply? He wished Noct was available so he could ask what to do.  Was Ignis simply being polite or was he supposed to say something?

 Shoving his phone away a second time, he got up and started pacing his room.  A full thirty minutes later, he made the decision to answer back.

Prompto Argentum 10:50AM: Thanks I will.  I hope your day is going well.

 Again, he hit send quickly and waited.  He knew his chances of having Ignis reply right away were slim, but he still held out hope.   Apparently the astrals were being kind and granted his wish.

Ignis Scientia 10:53AM: Aside from sitting in a dreadfully boring meeting at the moment, my day has been splendid.

 Prompto knew from Noct that Ignis usually attended the same meetings as the prince.  Did this mean that Ignis was texting him while he was working? Did the meeting end early? Curiosity got the better of him, and he texted his friend.  

Prompto Argentum 10:55AM: Are you still in your meeting?

Noctis Lucis Caelum 10:57AM: Yes, can’t talk yet. :(

 Did this mean Ignis was in a different meeting, or was he actually trying to communicate while he was working? Worried his texting would get Ignis in trouble, he wrote back a reply.

Prompto Argentum 11:04AM: Did your meeting get out yet?

 Ignis Scientia 11:06AM:          I’m afraid it’s still droning on.  I do have an amusing view; Noctis is struggling to stay awake.  I would send you a photo, but it would blow my cover.  

 Prompto squealed out loud when he read the response.  Ignis was at the same meeting, but he could text him and Noctis couldn’t!  The blond wondered if it had anything to do with him being an alpha. He would have to ask Noct about it later.

Prompto Argentum 11:07AM: lol I wish I could be there to see it in person.

 Surprisingly, Ignis texted him a few more times, and then things went silent.  Either Ignis got in trouble or he needed to focus. Prompto hoped it was the latter.  Ignis was so nice, and he didn’t want him to get reprimanded for texting a lowly omega.

 The blond was about to text Noct when heard his mother call him.  Wandering down the hall, he found her staring at a fancy invitation card.

 “Dear, do you know who Lady Pravus is?” she asked curiously.

 The memories of Noct’s story regarding Lady Pravus, from the night of the banquet, came flooding back.  “Yeah – why?” he mumbled.

 His mother seemed shocked that he knew of her.  “I’ve never met her nor heard of her until now. How do you know her name?”

 “When I stayed with Noct, he told me about her.  She’s not very nice,” he added quickly.

 “Oh, well, you don’t know that for sure,” she chided.  “I’m sure she’s fine. Your step brothers aren’t that bad when it comes to judgement of character.”

 This really confused Prompto.  “Mum, what are you talking about?”

 “Oh, sorry, I’ve just received this invitation to attend a dinner in celebration of the upcoming engagement for Alban.”

 Prompto interrupted his mother, “Alban is going to marry that icky lady?!   Oh no, that’s not good.”

 “Prompto!  That is no way to behave when you haven’t even met her.”

 “No, believe me, mum. Noct told me stories about her, and she’s a really terrible person.  Alban shouldn’t marry her. Bad things will happen,” he urged. “Please believe me.”

 She sighed but maintained a knowing look.  “I will wait to meet her before I pass judgement.  You will have a chance as well, as you’ve been invited to come along.”  Soliamare smiled. “A fancy dress party, how lovely. I do miss going out and getting dressed up.”

 He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  His mum was seriously excited about this evil lady coming to visit.  “When is the dinner?”

 “Tomorrow evening.  I must make sure my dress still fits. It’s been so long since I’ve had occasion to wear it.”  

 Prompto watched his mum turn and happily go to her room to check her closet.  Astrals, this was bad. He had to talk to Noct.

    --

     “Specs we have a problem!” Noct hissed as he shoved Ignis into a comfy armchair.  “Remember that horrible woman, Saeva Pravus?”

 Ignis visibly grimaced at the mention of her name.  “If she is harassing you in some manner, I shall put a stop to it immediately.”

 “No, its worse!” He huffed plopping down on the couch opposite his advisor.  “I spoke with Prompto an hour ago and snaky is trying to marry his stepbrother!”

 “Firstly, Noctis I would advise you to refrain  from getting in the habit of using nicknames like that.  You may accidentally let it slip in public. Secondly, which brother?”

 “You have to ask?  Alban of course, she wants to be queen.”

 “Tell me everything you know,” Ignis requested with a look of determination.

 Noct spent the next ten minutes outlining what Prompto had told him. The prince could see Ignis working through all the details as he went along.   Finally, when he’d finished, he waited to hear what his advisor had to say.

 “I dare say that is bad news indeed.  You mentioned the dinner was planned for tomorrow evening, correct?”

 “Yeah, what are we going to do?”

 “Hmmfff, I don’t know that we can do anything at this point, Noct, aside from gather information.”  Ignis stood abruptly and pulled out his phone. “I must go and think on this further. Call me immediately if you hear any additional information.”

 “Hey!  What should I tell Prompto?  He’s not sure what to do.”

 “Tell him to be very careful, and under no circumstances should he be alone with her.  Do you understand?”

 Noct nodded and watched his advisor turn to leave the suite.  He thought back to one of the first times he’d met Lady Pravus.  She’d cornered him several years ago at a party. He shuddered to think what would have happened if Ignis hadn’t saved him.  He didn’t know about her methods for entrapping people then. He’d been too young.

 Apparently, she would make a rather forceful advance in private.  Then, depending on what she wanted, she would threaten to accuse her target of sexual misconduct. Heaven help you if you tried to shove her away - that would turn into one hell of a scandal.

 He grabbed his phone to call Prompto. The prince wanted to warn him about her tactics.  He didn’t care what happened to King Alban so much, but Prompto didn’t deserve that.

    --

 Prompto fidgeted with his cuff as his mother and he walked over to the party.  The main government building didn’t have fancy dining facilities, so most events took place at the great hall inside King Alban’s residence.   He was beyond nervous, especially after what Noct had told him regarding Lady Saeva. His plan was to stay glued to his mother’s side for the whole event.  That way he would be safe.

 He wasn’t even sure why he’d been invited; no one really cared if he was there or not.  Then Prompto realized the truth: if he wasn’t there to escort his mother, then one of his icky step-brothers would have to do it.  The real reason behind his presence made his chest ache; his mother didn’t deserve such disrespect.

 He’d already tried to persuade his mother to bail, but she was adamant about attending. Prompto knew if he outright refused that she would go alone.  He couldn’t do that to his mother.

 The party was in full swing when they arrived, and Prompto could tell some of his step-brothers had started drinking early.  Great, this was going to be interesting. Thank the astrals he didn’t have to sit anywhere near them during dinner. He was even spared having to look at Lady Saeva. She was seated on the same side as Prompto but at the opposite end of the long table.  This didn’t stop his mother from craning her neck to catch a glimpse of the woman that seemed to have stolen Alban’s heart.

 Alban stood up at one point to make a boring toast.  He was a terrible speech writer, and Prompto didn’t understand why he never asked for help.  Could someone be so proud that they’d rather look stupid? It was so strange.

 Feeling a light pinch to his arm, the blond looked over to his mother.  She had that look - the one that was silently chastising him for ignoring the king.  Attempting to smile, he focused on looking cheerful. Alban stopped rambling shortly after, and Prompto bumped his mother’s arm. “The dinners over. Can we go now?” he whispered.

 “No!” she exclaimed.  “I wish to meet Lady Saeva.”  

 Groaning, Prompto frowned.  “Why, I’ve already told you about her.”

 “We’ve been over this already, dear.” Soliamare sighed. “Don’t test me.”

 “Fine,” he huffed.  Prompto reluctantly got up and followed his mother as she sought out the future queen.  He had to give his mum credit; she did know how to part a crowd. Trailing in her wake, they were eventually standing in front of Lady Saeva.  She was stunning in person, but Prompto was still scared to even talk to her.

 She turned and smiled demurely to his mother.  A useless conversation about dinner followed. Prompto watched in near disbelief as Lady Saeva laid on the charm so thick it was almost suffocating. His mother fell for it hook, line, and sinker.  He assumed she would ignore him as everyone else did. However, she finally turned her attention to him.

 The blond could have sworn he saw Lady Saeva’s lip curl ever so slightly.  It was at this terrible moment that he realized Noct forgot to mention one very important fact:  Lady Saeva was an alpha.

 Shit.

 He could see her nostrils flaring minutely; she was working to identify his dynamic.  Figures Alban wouldn’t have given her any information before the party. Instead of approaching him to shake his hand, she kept her distance.  It was as if she’d been expecting something else entirely. Lady Saeva was uneasy about something, and Prompto couldn’t figure it out.

 Turning towards his mother, Lady Saeva spoke finally. “Oh my, I do need to say goodbye to my friends before they leave,” she announced. “Do forgive me. I’ll find you later and we can finish our talk.” The whole interaction reeked of insincerity.  

 Trying to calm his nerves was hard as Prompto waited for her to get out of earshot.  “Mum, can we go please?” he pleaded in a hushed tone.

 “What? No, I must stay. She wants to talk with me again,” she breathed excitedly.  “Won’t it be nice to have another female around? I am terribly outnumbered these days.”

 Prompto bit his lip. He really wanted to grab his mother by her shoulders and tell her that Lady Saeva was lying.  She had found an excuse to leave and took it. There was no intent to come back.

 “I must go freshen up while she’s busy.  I’ll be right back,” Soliamare announced.

 There was no time to even protest as his mother took off for the powder room.  Suddenly, Prompto felt very anxious. He didn’t want to be here in the first place, and now he was alone.  The idea came to him to hide in the ballroom across the hall. It wasn’t in use for the party, so he could rest in peace.

 Scurrying to the corner of the room, he quietly slipped out the door and into the empty space.  Finally, he could breathe. It was dark, but he could still see well enough with the moonlight filtering in through the large windows.

 The sound of a door creaking open caused Prompto to turn in a panic. There in the soft light was Lady Saeva.

 “I thought I saw you slip in here,” she crooned.  “Come here so I can get a better look at you,      omega    ,” she ordered.

 Prompto remained frozen in place.  He didn’t want to go near her, and no manner of influenced alpha speech was going to make him.

 “Oh, you’re going to fight me.  I suppose then I’ll have to come to you.”

 Finding that his throat had gone dry, Prompto watched her slowly saunter over.  The future queen didn’t stop until she was a few inches from his face.

 “I can’t have you disobeying me, omega. That simply won’t do.   When I order you to do something, I expect you to act. Is that understood?”

 Surprisingly, Prompto’s brain managed a nonverbal response despite his frozen vocal cords. A small shake of his head shook his blond locks.  

 “Oh, a rebel.  How cute,” she breathed.  “It doesn’t matter. I will break you, omega, and I will enjoy every second.  Perhaps I’ll start right now,” she mused.

 Prompto heard the rustle of fabric, and then something pointy was being held to his stomach. He was too scared to look down, but he was pretty sure it was a knife.  

 “Now hold still while I see what you taste like,” she hissed as she leaned forward to sniff his neck.

 A small strangled noise left his mouth, but he didn’t dare push her away.  She could easily stab him in his gut and claim he’d been the one to make an advance.  Then a door slammed, and Lady Saeva backed away immediately, hiding her knife once more.  

 She turned to face whoever had come in.  “Who’s there?” she demanded.

 Prompto didn’t wait to find out and bolted.   He couldn’t hear anything aside from his beating heart as he rushed out of the room.  If Lady Saeva called after him, he didn’t hear it. He needed to go, but he had to find his mother first.

 Soliamare was waiting just outside the main dining room, looking for Lady Saeva no doubt.  “Oh, there you are,” she said cheerfully as he approached. However, when Prompto was closer, she furrowed her brow in concern.  “Dear heart, what has happened to you? You’re shaking and have gone pale as a ghost.”

 “I –I don’t feel good, mum, can we please go home?  I might throw up,” he added, hoping it would make her act.  Luckily, it did, and within minutes he was tightly gripping his mother’s arm and walking back home.  He had so much to tell Noct, but what could his friend do to help? He was a kingdom away and had his own duties to handle.

 Maybe he could lock himself in his room until this was all over, though he suspected his mother wouldn’t allow it.   His mother ended up making him tea and sitting with him on the couch. He felt safe right then, but he was terribly concerned it wouldn’t last.  He hadn’t breathed a word of what had happened, but he worried his mum wouldn’t believe him anyway. Instead, he tried to calm down and eventually drifted off clinging to her.

    --

   “He’s an omega!  Why wasn’t I informed?” Saeva hissed as she paced Alban’s sitting room.  “I refuse to marry you with him in residence.”

 “Why? He’s harmless,” Alban defended.  “What are you afraid of?”

 “That blond haired brat could bear a child and threaten your claim to the throne!  I won’t allow that to happen.”

 “What, Prompto have kids?  Nah, he’s not even got a mate.”

 Saeva looked offended.  “Astrals, that’s worse. He could produce bastard children left and right.  Do you want an omegan whore associated with your family name? I would think not.  You must deal with this.”

 “How exactly should I ‘deal’ with it?” he huffed.  “If I sent him away would that make you happy?”

 “He’d still be out there, and he could come back anytime to threaten your title.”

 “He’s thirteenth in line, Saeva. Even if he had kids, they wouldn’t ever be near the throne!”

 “That’s not true! If none of your other idiotic brothers wed and we don’t conceive, then one of his offspring could inherit.  That is unacceptable. I will not let your royal name be sullied by his likes.”

 “I still don’t know what you want me to do about it.” Alban frowned.  “What’s left? Death? Don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?”    

 Saeva narrowed her eyes at Alban.  “I won’t marry you unless he’s gone . . . unless you’re too much of a coward to deal with that sort of thing,” she replied innocently.

 “I’m no coward,” Alban shouted.  “I’ll figure something out.”

 “Good.  Now, I’ve got a splitting headache, and I wish to retire early.  Lunch tomorrow, love?” She smiled sweetly.

 Alban grinned and bowed as she left. Now to figure out what to do about Prompto.

     --

   “Are you certain he didn’t see you?” Ignis asked for a second time.

 “Yes, positive.  No one saw me; I’m trained to not be seen,” Nyx replied as he leaned forward in his chair.

 Ignis sat at his desk in deep thought.  Nyx’s report had been very disturbing; Lady Saeva had made an open threat against Prompto.  He had to work fast. Things were in motion that he had little control over. “She said that she’d break him?”

 “Yeah, it was grade A creepy shit, Ignis.  I had to work hard not to warp over and stick her with my dagger.”

 “I would have found a way to make it work,” Ignis pondered quietly.

 “I wasn’t sure what was going to happen after I slammed the door, but blondie took the cue and ran away like greased lightning.  I made sure to follow him and the queen back home. They made it safely.”

 “Nyx, I am eternally grateful for your help in this matter, and I fear what Lady Saeva’s next step might be.  We may need to act in a slightly unorthodox method to combat her,” Ignis admitted.

 “I’m all for unorthodox; sign me up.” Nyx grinned.

>Next Chapter 6

[singingcookie]

2, 3, 6, 11, 16, 20, and 25 for the meta writer's ask!

Hellooooo and thanks Bec!! I hope you’ve been doing well! 💖💖💖

From this ask game!

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Saying it changes moment to moment sounds like such a cop out answer, but with DoJ it’s very very true 😂 I have so much planned in this story that brain kinda hops around like “Oh man I can’t wait for the League to come up again! oh when is Angora coming back?? How much longer until Kiribaku has their relevant part in the story? When am I finally introducing the big bad???” There’s a lot stuff to look forward to and I think it’s part of why I’ve kept on trucking with this fic as long as I have!

On a different front, I’ve been in a big Bakugou kick for some reason??? I started writing up a thing for that and I’m really excited. It’s supposed to be focused on how they got together in the DoJ universe and I’ve been swapping between that and chapter 24 the last week or so lol

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

Oh gosh hmmmmm...in Repairs and Connections, I had this idea of how Ochako wants to meet Deku the Handyman again. She really wants to meet and talk with him but like. There’s no reason to call him for a job because nothing’s broken, and the only place she knows where to meet him otherwise is the apartment’s laundry room. And she doesn’t wanna be a creepy stalker about it.

There’s only one clear solution: she marches up to Bakugou and offers the Bakusquad have one of his parties at hers and Tsuyu's place. Because something always gets trashed at their parties and presumably they always call Deku over the following morning to fix it.

But alas, tragically for Ochako, Bakugou, like, figures it out when he messages her for her address. Cause he sees it, and he's like "Oh that's Deku's apartment building.” He messages Deku saying, "Change in plans we're gonna be here for the party.” And Deku recognizes the room number and is like "Oh, Uraraka's place?” And Bakugou is just

He doesn’t say anything to Deku about it, but he messages her like “you ain’t fuckin slick Round Face.” But Bakugou’s also a possessive friend and he has this idea of “alright well if this is what she wants, she’s gotta earn it.” And makes it a point to ensure that she gets fucking hammered during the party, so that when Deku comes over the next morning she’ll be just. Super hung over.

But it’s okay because he maybe spends more time worried about her than the apartment lol

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

It’s a tricky question because, to be honest, I adore swapping between characters. Variety is the spice of life, it’s true. But honestly writing for Bakugou is always so so fun. I don’t write for him enough compared to how much I actually enjoy doing it lol. I’ll write something and have to just have like reread it to bask in how fun the section with him is

That makes me sound full of myself but it’s true!

11. What do you envy in other writers?

As of right now, I have to say speed. When I see people putting out content like every week or heaven forbid every few days, I die a little inside because I wish I could be so quick. Do you know how far DoJ might be rn if I were faster? Do you???

Actual writing writing though I’m not very good with symbolism. I tend to do things at face value so I envy when people can pull that shit off lol

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

I wrote from Kirishima’s POV for my latest one-shot! If we don’t want to count that, the next most recent would probably be chapter 22 which had my first attempt at high stakes action. I was actually surprised how much I enjoyed it despite worrying about it for like. Ever lmao

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

So this is a huge easter egg because it’s super tiny and insignificant in the fic, easily forgettable. But I actually already had the major bad guy of my story show up?? He doesn’t get any spoken dialogue or anything though. Just a description that I thought “oh hey I could make it this dude that’d be funny.” But no one will know but me until he’s revealed as the villain. Unless you’re my little sister. She already knows lmao

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Everything...? I think the fun of writing is just. Creating these feelings and experiences and something memorable through words alone. Like, have you ever thought about that? How wild it is to put a whole bunch of words together and it’s something meaningful to you yeah of course! It’s made from your brain and usually that means you’re bound to enjoy it. But when those feelings can hit and impact other people? Man that’s crazy to think about. Our (the writer’s feelings) affect their (the reader’s) feelings and sometimes they’re the same, sometimes they’re different but it’s still just as interesting!! 😊😊😊

[skiasurveys]

442

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends. Have a party, exercise more, eat healthy, get a good job, do well in class

2. What color are your pants? not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote. it is what it is.

4. When was the last time you drank coffee? a long ass time ago? i don’t drink

5. What was the last thing you ate?  apple

6. Favorite animal. wolf

7. Favorite song. bad karma by gabbie hanna

8. Last movie you watched? i don’t remember i don’t watch movies

9. Any turn ons? these vary

10. Any turn offs? lanky, trump supporter to the extreme.. drugs

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head. lol idk

12. What are some meaningful movies?  theres too many

13. 2 most important people in your life right now? connor and jen

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends? make art , go to the gym if it’s open and buy an ipad

15. When was the last time you read a good book? like 5 years ago

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study? - it depends on the subject honestly. if i need to study longer it will

17. Do you have any nicknames? skia

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.) i don’t care for one i just wear what i find smell good lol

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state? - yup a lot!

20. What is something unique that you do every single day? - i do nothing unique

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called? - series of unfortunate events

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone? - xmas

23. Are you a shopaholic? - no but i can get into moods where i wanna shop

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?- don’t stop me now by queen

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself. gaming, cooking and working out

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in? - idk?

27. How do you like being roused in the morning? - slowly and quiet

28. How was your day? What did you do? - it was good i bought some make up that i needed and made dinner

29. What did your last text message say? -too lazy to look

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?- i try to but sometimes i don’t see it right away or i am busy

31. Who was the last person you called? mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list. - ipad pro, air pods, air fryer thing for my instant pot lol , drafting board, VR

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for? youtube or art

34. Winter or summer? summer

35. What is a quality that all people should have? sympathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be? uhhhh i’m not sure

37. What have you been thinking about lately? school

38. What is the secret to a happy life? not caring

39. What are some phrases you say often? like

40. Favorite food? meatballs and rice

41. List 3 wishes. i wish to have a great job, i wish to have confidence and i wish to have love

42. What are some of your greatest fears? dying

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? video of mine

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? canada’s scenery

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? dislike lol i’m white af

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike? dislike usually

47. Do you like to travel? yes i do i wish i could do more if i had the money

48. Any regrets? ofc

49. Do you like rain? yessss

50. What do you spend most of your money on? bills or food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future? past right now

52. Favorite clothing store? american eagle but my clothing tastes change for different stuff

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down? it will be okay and if not it will be funny

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you? yeah i am always worried

55. What angers you the most? thinking about how people have wronged me or thinking of injustice

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry? a while ago

57. When was the last time you got really sad? yesterday

58. Are you good at lying? sometimes

59. What foreign language would you like to learn? spanish would be cool but i wanna learn icelandic

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they? 1

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead? hardly never and i chill with myself and friends

62. What books do you plan to read this year? none lol

63. Do you have breakfast every morning? no

64. Tell us a secret. no

65. How many concerts have you been to? 1

66. Last hug? connor

67. Who knows you better than anyone else? mom

68. Baths or showers? showers but i love baths

69. Do you think you’re ambitious? hmmm nah

70. What song is stuck in your head? none right now

71. Countries you’ve visited? usa

72. What do you most value in your friends? good listener

73. What helps you to sleep better? sex lol

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand? a few hundred

75. What makes you nervous? e v e r y t h i n g

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given? idk

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget

78. First mobile phone? LG slide and touch or something like that

79. Strangest dream? there’s a lot...

80. Best dream? idk

81. Who is the smartest person you know? janelle

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr? idc

83. Do you miss anyone right now? ya

84. Who do you love? Why? connor

85. Do you like sharing? depends

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone? a pic of my painting

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens? no

88. Favorite genre of music? rock

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be? anxious

90. Describe your life in 5 words. tragedy (one word i don’t care )

91. Describe the world in 4 words. injustice, selfish, rotten, dark

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done? shrooms

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist? let me live, rororo, bad karma

94. Are you more creative or logical? creative

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth? hurt

96. What are you most proud of? my mental health

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people? empathy

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing? vibing

99. How do you usually start a conversation? hey or a conversation start

100. What is the best news you could hear right now? that i have money for life

[percabeth-lb74]

Promised ~ Chapter 1

Once again we’re looking at a fic I may or may not write just that this time I reeeeaaally want to write it... and I kinda did already, lol.

Here’s Chapter 1, I’m still debating on whether I should continue writing it or just post the outline here. 

SUMMARY: Princess Annabeth Chase of Athens is promised to Heir Apparent Theseus Jackson of Atlantis but when tragedy strikes and Theseus is murdered, it falls on Prince Perseus Jackson - the second born - to marry Princess Annabeth. 

Except the stakes are higher than anyone could ever know and the marriage is not the only thing at risk - an entire kingdom lies in the balance.

OR that modern kingdom/arranged marriage/sinister plots AU that no one asked for but I am giving anyway.

Anyhow, enjoy!

---

“Never forget,” My dad’s eyes bore fiercely into my own, completely serious as he spoke to me. “That the people gave us our power and that they can take it away. But there is also evil in this world… evil people who know how to talk to their way into the hearts of the kingdom and will do anything to obtain power. If it ever seems like they will get that opportunity, you must do everything in your power to ensure they don’t – no matter the cost. Do you understand?”

I was only 11 at the time. I didn’t really understand what he was saying. I thought I did but it wasn’t until four years later that I would come to know the true weight behind his words.

My brother was 18. I was 15. He’d tried all his life to be the perfect kid because hey, having the pressure of a kingdom’s future kind of does that to you.

And I remember him vividly saying he wanted a night where he could just let it all go… just one night. So he went. He partied. In disguise, no one ever aware that he was their crown prince. He was tired of being Mr. Golden Boy and I got that.

Or at least I thought I did until one night became two nights and two nights three and then it became a usual thing. From the start I knew he was bound to get caught but I couldn’t tell him what to do… what did I, his brother who had never felt the doom of the crown, know?

All I remember is Grover running into my room late at night one day, his eyes wide and his face ashen. Him saying, “It’s your brother, he-”

And then I didn’t hear anymore. I began pulling on my jeans, a shirt, a green hoodie.

“Where?” I barked.

“Over at Andie’s. Percy, what-”

I ignored him and continued to grab my things. It was only after I was ready to set foot outside my room and looked him in the eye and spoke, “Don’t believe whatever shows up in tomorrow’s news, okay?”

Grover shook his head in confusion “What are you talking about?”

“Just don’t believe it.” I got about two steps away from the door before I felt a hand on my arm. I looked over to see Grover’s worried eyes.

“You aren’t- you aren't going to do anything stupid… Are you?”

I smiled sadly, “When have I ever?” And before Grover could try and stop me, I sprinted away.

That was how I came to understand what my dad had meant. Theseus was the heir – he was crown prince – and he could not have the people thinking him to be some scoundrel. No matter the cost.

I was willing to rip my reputation apart, willing to drag my name through the mud… so long as the kingdom stayed together, so long as it stayed safe.

What I did caused Theseus to mature far beyond his years. It made him strive to be a King that was worthy of the throne.

And me? Well, I continued to do stupid things. After all I would never be the Crown Prince, the one who would compete against the Elect in a vote that would decide the next King. Or so I thought.

---

The unraveling of my world began 5 years after my first stunt when Theseus told me he was to marry the princess of Athens. I of course snorted in disbelief; he already had a girlfriend - the daughter of the Commander, Reyna. As far as I knew things were becoming rather serious between them. The people didn’t know yet but I knew the day he and Reyna spilled the beans to the media was nearing. At least, I thought it was.

Now he was telling me he had to marry a girl he’d never met? I couldn’t believe it. “Right” I told him, searching his eyes, hoping he’d tell me he was kidding.

But Theseus wouldn’t kid, not about something like this. His silence confirmed it and my anger quickly bubbled it’s way to the surface.

“And Reyna?”

There was the slightest shift in his face, a pained look he quickly tried to mask but it was too late; I’d already seen it.  He set his jaw, “What about her?”

“Theo, seriously?!”

“Drop it, Percy. I only told you so you wouldn’t have to find out from the media later.”

I shook my head angrily. “No! You had something with Reyna and you can’t just be forced to give it all up!” Because yeah, I was rather protective of my big brother and white hot rage burned in me at the thought that he wouldn’t even be able to choose he was to spend the rest of his life with.

“Nobody is forcing me to do anything. Her kingdom came to us for help because their economy is crippled right now. Marrying her will mean saving lives.”

Of course I was an emotional wreck while Theseus was as calm and level-headed as always. Stupid Theo with his stupid noble heart. Letting his happiness go to help others in need. The thing was, I got where he was coming from. We’d both inherited our mom’s caring side after all.

Athens had gotten it right though; marrying Prince Theseus Jackson was the perfect way to ensure their survival. My brother was basically guaranteed the Atlantean throne. Who in our kingdom wouldn’t vote for a man who was willing to sacrifice so much?

I stared at the wall with a resigned scowl and said no more.

Theo let me sit in silence for a while before finally addressing me again, “One more thing, Percy: when Annabeth arrives you will treat her just as you would your future queen.”

So Annabeth was her name then. I was about to say ‘No promises’ but at his sharp look, I scowled and said, “I'll try.”

About one month later, my ‘I’ll try’ got about as far as the introductions between me and the Princess of Athens.

I really was trying, I swear. But when someone looks at you like you are earth’s lowest scum and they don’t even know you and you already have some not-so nice feelings for them… Let’s just say it rubs you the wrong way.

I’m sure Annabeth had heard all about my crazy stunts and scandals and those were probably the reason for her clear dislike of me but still… In the heat of the moment, you don’t exactly think clearly.

So when my response to her disdain was  a glare and a comment like “Yeah Princess, trust me, the feeling is mutual”, it basically confirmed her suspicions and killed any hope for redemption between us.

What can I say? From then on it was practically war.

---

[dfwemelie]

May 2019

May 1st, nothing really that special happened today. We made icecream in Culinary and Carlos got really excited cause their were sugar cones. Izzy ate the most icecream out of all of us and hes lactose intolerant so he was hurting afterwards.

May 2nd, I was really stressed out this motning cause I havent finished my dress for the Fashion show tomorrow and it was raining and thundering. I had to stay after school for Fashion till 4 and I stayed with Scott after that until 5:30. I like staying after with him. We just makeout and talk and get paranoid about cars passing by. I think today we made out for 25 minutes straight which is a new record lol. He tops himself every fucking time and it’s so hot. Like holy shit because makeout sessions ever.

May 3rd, today was the fashion show and I was really stressed out at first but I ended up finishing my dress. The problem was that it was extremely short so I kept having to pull it down so you wouldnt be able to see my shorts under it. Seth and Aj were their watching their girlfriends and both of them took videos of me and sent it to Scotty. He said I looked beautiful. I met Kelly’s mom and sister and they seem really nice. I havent ate since Chickfila this morning and I’m starting to get really hungry/hangry. I might make me food but idk yet.

May 4th, Lots of pain occurred today. I woke up at 7:35 to get ready for the Nami Walk. Once my grandparents picked me up we got to Chickfila and headed to the Sam Houston State Park in Houston. The walk started around 9:30 and we finished at 11 only because my meme and Mrs.Pat walk so slow. It was fun overall but my feet were killing me and the back of my left leg was hurting alot and idk why. After the walk we headed to Galveston to meet up with my family. We stayed at the beach for an hour then went home. I ate a little bit and took a shower and now I’m here. I’m currently watching Thor Ragnarok cause it’s the only Marvel Avengers movie I havent seen.

May 5th, Cincooooo De Mayooooo. I didnt really do anything today besides sleep. I woke up at 3am for no reason then fell asleep. then woke up at 7 then fell back asleep at 1 till 5. I dont think I will br falling asleep early tonight cause I’ve slept so much. Scotty got to drink a margarita and I’m jealous. Also Ghala and Kaylie are so fucking cute and I stan them sooo much.

May 10th, damn. I told myself I would do this more often, bitch I havent done it in 5 days. Let’s talk about yesterday, May 9th. Scotty and I stayed afterschool (nothing new) and he was sitting down and I was ontop of him and we were making out. This BITCH flips me over to the ground, puts his hand down my pants, and…yeah…not actually touching me, just through my underwear. I was very ShOoK by this but I didnt stop him cause it felt really really fucking good. Like I’m not complaining.(I hate the word moaning so I use cake) Lots of cake was happening and he end up getting a boner. He has actually been getting them since we first started staying afterschool and I didnt know lol. I almost ended up having an orgasm but cars kept driving by and I told him if I see a car then he has to stop. I’ve never ever gotten this close with a guy. Not complaining. While cars were going by we kept telling weird sex related stories to eachother. He told me how when he was little his parents used the word dessert instead of condoms when he was around. Then his older brother told him what it meant and he was shook. On his 13th birthday his dad said he had a surprise birthday present in his drawer that didnt get opened at his party. He asked what it was and his dad said dessert. There were condoms in the bottom drawer of his dresser lol. Scotty also told me that he has personally bought different ones to use for future purposes. Now listen, I know its gonna be with me. I want our first times to be with eachother. That sounds strange but I love him and I want to lol but not now. Scotty wants me to go over to his house on his birthday to meet his parents. He also wants his birthday present from me to be us doing it. I said that’s not happening for a long ass time cause it’s too early and I’m not ready yet, even though I want him to be my first.

Different topic lol. Yesterday we got hit with some really bad weather and it fucked up my sleep schedule. I fell asleep at like 9pm then woke up at 11 then woke up at 2 then stayed awake till 4:30 then woke up at 5 then work up at 11. Like wtf??

May 12th, wow get ur shit together lol, do this more. Its official, I will be going over to Scott’s house if I get my gas laws homework packet done. My mom thinks I’m going over to Kaylies house, I hope she buys it. Im extremely nervous about meeting his parents, I’m hoping I’ll make a good first impression. Ive never met a boyfriends parents before so idk what to expect. I sent Kaylie a bunch videos about me deciding on what I’m gonna wear. I’ve decided on curled hair, light natural makeup, my blue ripped Jean’s, and either a red or blue shirt. I dont know how to act ugghhh.

Today I went over to my grandparents house and it was okay ig. My cousin Coleson came over and I was excited about that. He is my favorite cousin by far. I played basketball and ate food. I also drove from their house and back twice and I did pretty good. I wish I could talk to Scott but I dont want to interrupt his time with his mom cause it is Mothers day after all.

May 13th, I feel sick sksksks. like a vomit kind of sick and I feel like my limbs are weak and they are kinda shaking. It’s making me scared asf. I hope it will go away soon. I dont like feeling like this cause it gives me really bad anxiety and makes me have anxiety attacks. I’ve been getting alot of anxiety and panic attacks since sophmore year started

May 16th, Wow I really need to start doing this more often. Yesterday was Scott and I’s one month and he made a really cute video and I love it so much. I am still super nervous about Sunday, for alot of reasons. First I gotta meet his parents and idk how im gonna do that. I don’t know how to act or anything. Also Scott said its a shoes off house and I don’t want them seeing the cuts on my ankles. I’ll try to wear socks that cover them, I mean im gonna have to since i also wanna cover my 2 ankle tattoos. Also Scott says he wants to have sex. I don’t know if im ready for that yet. I’ve been thinking about it alot, mostly what would go wrong. Of course we would use condoms but they are only effective 98% of the time. I’m mainly worried about if I am gonna get pregnant or not. I can’t get pregnant. My life would be over. I’m saying this now, which is very contriversal, I would have an abortion. Yes its a human person who probably deserves to live but I just cant do that. I cant be pregnant. I don’t want to focus on all the bad stuff about sex, but the good stuff too. It supposedly has alot of health benefits. I don’t know how to do it though. Like I know how, but at the same time I don’t. Ya know? I also think we should wait to do it but in Scotts words, “I don’t plan on breaking up with you ever so we arent gonna get the opportunity to do it for a long time. So why not do it now when its gonna happen eventually.” I think im gonna do it. Talking about it makes me feel less nervous and weve been talking about it more and more since his birthday is in like 3 days. I want to talk to Kaylie about it but im scared she might say its too early. I know shes gonna support me in whatever I do, but I still want her opinion on it. I also nervous about Scott’s parents or siblings knocking on the door while we are in the middle of having sex. Scott always has his door locked which is good for the both of us. I know his older brother wouldnt bother us cause he’s like a cool brother and knows whats going on lol. I hope it doesnt happen but it might, just might be his mom checking up on us. I think im ready. Im nervous, but I want to do it with him. Im not being pressured into doing it by the way. He knows that if i dont want to do it, he won’t try, we would do what we normally do afterschool, but in his bed. 

I should probably talk about what has happened today instead of talking about sex lol. Nothing special really happened. Scott wanted me to go eat lunch with him and I said no. 1. I dont like school lunches, and 2. I don’t want to sit even remotely near Derek, and 3. I don’t eat lol. I kept telling him he should go eat and he said ok. I just layed down on a couch on my phone alone. Felt like old times, when I had no one to sit with so i just listened to emo bitch music. Good times, good times. 

May 17th, I had to take out my nose stud for pictures in Journalism and my piercing closed. At around 10pm I repeirced it with a thumbtack in the wall. I put a part of an earring in so it doesnt close overnight and now I have to sleep like that till I can go to the mall tmrw and get some more.

May 18th, I went to the mall and got some new piercings. I got a black star, blue ball, black hoop, purple gem, silver star, and a skull. I'm wearing the black hoop right now since it's my favorite. The skull makes me look emo lol. I'm really nervous about going to Scott's tmrw. Wish me luck

May 19th, Ok so I just got back from Scott's house. When my parents dropped me off they wanted one of them to walk to the door with me. I legit begged them not to. They wanted to make sure at least one parent was home so Scott's mom went out and waved. She also said she was Scott's mom but I dont think my parents thought anything of it since they didnt say anything to me yet about it. I met alot of people like his stepmom, stepdad, mom, all his siblings, some of his cousins, aunt and uncle, grandmas, and dog. His step dad was really funny and made alot of jokes. His step mom and I were talking a bunch about how cute JJ Watt and Tom Holland is and Harry Potter. We had pie and a bunch of us went up to his room and just messed around. His older brothers Damian and Ralph were messing with us and it was funny. My mom decided to be an asshole and picked me up 30 minutes early. I wish I could've stayed longer but Aunt Mandy and her boyfriend James are coming over to watch some wrestling thing. I'm glad I got to see Scott on his birthday. He seemed happy.

May 21st, I texted my mom yesterday about Scott, how we are dating, and how I lied and said I was at his house meeting his parents instead of going to Kaylies house. I thought I would be in really big trouble since I lied but apparently I wasnt. When I went downstairs to talk to them they were just happy i finally opened up and told them something about my personal life lol. They didn't ask that many questions about him which is a good thing cause i dont like questions, they make me feel uncomfortable. They know hes getting his license soon so my dad said we are gonna have to talk about people driving me around, other than Michael and his mom. I think it's just gonna be about not leaving the state and just staying close by to our house. At least I hope that's what it's only gonna be about. Knowing them, they are gonna put a bunch of restrictions. I'm pretty sure they would also want to meet Scotty before he drives me anywhere. They are 100% gonna make fun of him for driving a mini cooper lol, I already do. I'm actually really nervous about him meeting my parents, both sets. Ik I was nervous about meeting his but I think I'm more nervous about him meeting mine. I dont know how anyone is gonna react. Gavin is gonna be all weird and would want to talk alot lol. Gavin likes Scott, I really dont know why. Makes me nervous just thinking about it.

I took Scottys keys in Journalism today lol. It was cool just carrying them around. Made me feel like I actually had my own car even though there is a keychain with Scott's name on it. When he was walking me to class he took them back and I got offended. That's all that's happened so far lol.

May 23rd, I cried myself to sleep last night. Lol what a great way to start an entry. Basically I felt like I ruin everything I touch and somehow I was gonna ruin my relationship with Scott. He tried making me feel better but it didnt really work. Anyways, today has been kinda an off day. I dont know what it is about today, just not a good day. Haven’t been in the best mood since last night, but it’s fine..im fine. Everyone has their off days and I guess today is mine,  

May 24th, Yesterday Scotty was acting kinda weird so I typed him out a little paragraph to at least try to make him happy and all he sent back was "Love you too". I'll admit, it was a little bit frustrating spending all that time on that and getting a short response but its fine.

May 25th, I'm spending the night at Kelly's, well actually I already did. We went night swimming and it was fun. I woke up at 5am cause I was in so much pain and now I'm in even more. I just love bleeding internally and having cramps that make me feel like I'm gonna vomit. I tried looking for some aspirin or advil but I couldnt find any which is just so fucking great for me. Yeah anyways, I'm in alot of pain, feel like I'm go throw up, kill me to end my suffering

May 28th, wow yeah love procrastinating this lol. I had my Journalism and Child Development finals today so basically I did nothing at school. I accidentally stole Scotts key for the entire day and I was lowkey panicking cause I didn't know if I was gonna have the opportunity to give them back. I mainly played on my phone in Journalism. We judged the class Photo Safari and my group got 1st place in two of the categories and got 2nd overall. I was really surprised the portrait of me won cause I don’t think I look that great but apparently the yearbook staff thinks so. Thanks Avery :’) Our child development final was easy. We basically just had to write down about something interesting we learned and 3 jobs associated with child care. After that I got out a piece of paper wrote down everything I was thinking cause I cant actually say it or else I think people would hate me. But I basically wrote how I think Scott doesn't understand how I am feeling and my bipolar and depression and about an Instagram comment about something I really shouldn't be worrying about. Also I was writing on their how I am a stupid piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything in her life cause she is just gonna fuck it up anyways just like she always does. I got done with that and the bell rang. I went to meet up with Scott and give him his keys then he walked with me for a little bit before he had to go talk to his teacher. Seeing him makes me happy, one of the few things that make me happy in this cruel world anymore. My dad called me and told me I had to get all of my work done tonight or else I would get my phone taken away all summer. I just don’t have the motivation to do this or anything for that matter. I’m gonna fucking fail anyways, might as well just deal with it. 

I don’t feel anything anymore. No pain. No happiness. I am simply just...here. Maybe that's why I do it. To feel something...anything. I don’t care if it gives me pain I just want to feel human again. 

Anyways. goodbye. Ig ill see ya in the next entry if im not already dead yet.

May 29th, today overall has been pretty good. I helped Cameron, Drew, Kaleb, Cassie, and others on the Geometry final. Which basically means I gave them all the answers. Cameron was 2 rows away from me so I texted them to him. I also took my Chemistry final today and I already know I failed that bitch. My parents are making me go to summer school for it which is no bueno. After the last bell rang I got to walk with Scott to the back doors. I don't want school to him. I'm gonna miss seeing him everyday. Tomorrow is the last day of school which means it's Izzys last day. I already know damn well I'm gonna fucking cry. I don't want him to leave but hes moving so their is nothing I can do about it. Tomorrow I'm gonna tell him how much of an amazing friend he has been and that everything will get better in the end. I dont want it to be tomorrow.

May 30th, Last day of school and just as I expected, I cried...alot. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to Izzy like I wanted which made me very upset. I actually liked going to school, just not the learning. Seeing all my friends was the only thing I looked forward to. Now I have nothing. Once Scott gets his license we will be able to hang out but I want that to happen now, not in like a month. I said goodbye to Avery, Kaylie, Carlos, and all my teachers. I'm gonna miss it. But hey, I'm finally a junior. 2 more years then we can move to California. Maybe I'll start looking forward to that. I have to go to summer school and I'm really not excited about that, I know alot of people that are going which kinda makes me feel better ig.

[helmes-deep]

TOP MUSIC OF 2018

Tagged by: @monbebana THANK YOU SO MUCH for tagging me, dear!! 💖💖 I love ranking + music lists!! 🎶💖

I listened to a lot of the same artists this year, tbh:

TOP 25 35 K-POP SONGS :PP

CROSS GENE - Touch It (+ instrumental)

CROSS GENE - FLY (+ instrumental)

CROSS GENE - Dystopia

UNB - ONLY ONE (+ instrumental)

UNB - Feeling (+ instrumental)

UNB - Ride With Me

NCT U - BOSS

NCT U - Baby Don’t Stop!!!!!!!!!!! ✨ worddd 😩 this song does something to my soul 👌👌✨👌

VAV - She’s Mine

DAY6 - Days Gone By

Stray Kids - Voices

Stray Kids - I am YOU [the instrumental version is DOPE (check out this fanmade version), but there's no official release yet ;;_;; Also I usually don’t like boy groups from JYP, but I might start stanning them...]

EXO - Coming Over

EXO - Run This

EXO - Electric Kiss

EXO - TACTIX

EXO - Drop That (their Japanese release was solid, tbh)

iKON - Jerk

iKON - Don’t Forget

iKON - LOVE SCENARIO (they actually had some really good releases this year)

K/DA - POP/STARS (probably my girl group song of the year :pp)

ONF - Complete (probably my top listened-to song of the year; idk if this song got a lot of attention, but if it didn’t, it should’ve)

Red Velvet - Bad Boy (I didn't like this song upon my first listen, but after like the 4th one, something happened and idk I couldn't stop listening to it for a long time afterward)

VICTON - Time of Sorrow

Eric Nam - Potion

Eric Nam - FLOAT (for Hotel Transylvania 3)

BTS - Magic Shop

BTS - Love Yourself: Answer

BTS (feat. Steve Aoki) - The Truth Untold

BTS - Trivia: Seesaw (especially this suzuken Remix)

BTS - I’m Fine

Oh My Girl - Secret Garden

Bolbbalgan4 - Travel

MOMOLAND - BAM (Tropical House Remix by Areia) (I know this is a fan remix, but I really, really love this song and think it deserves wayyy more attention!!)

Steve Aoki (feat. BTS) - Waste It On Me

I didn’t listen to a lot of K-pop albums this year, especially during the latter end of it, but here you go:

TOP 5 3 K-POP ALBUMS :dd

UNB - BOYHOOD (honestly, everything on their debut BOYDHOOD EP was gold except for maybe “Rebooting,” but even that still wasn't terrible. TOO BAD THEY'RE A SURVIVAL SHOW BOYGROUP THAT WON'T LASTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAA TT>TT)

CROSS GENE - ZERO

Eric Nam - Honestly (Like UNB, I also liked everything on Eric’s Honestly EP except for “Don't Call Me,” which was kinda “eh” for me, but then it grew on me)

OTHER 2018 FAVORITES for funz

Top 5 Albums:

LOYALS - LOYALS 

THE WLDLIFE - I’m Not Worried Anymore

The Voidz - Virtue

Dance Gavin Dance - Artificial Selection

Tilian - The Skeptic 

Top 10 Singles (some of these didn’t come out in 2018, but I found them this year, so w/e):

Dance Gavin Dance - Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind cover)

J.Flood - Every Night

eleventyseven - Appalachian Wine (the 2018 Rad Science remix is also really cool)

The Jellyrox - Rebel Tide (Coffee House Version)

Selena Gomez - Back to You (from 13 Reasons Why, lol)

Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso (feat. Florida Georgia Line & watt) - Let Me Go

Rita Ora - Let You Love Me

Charlie Puth - The Way I Am (also “Patient” and “BOY”)

Taylor Swift (feat. Ed Sheeran & Future) - End Game (rest of this album was ehhhhhhhh though)

And last, but not least:

Hej Hej Monika (Party in the Backyard Remix) by Pewdiepie

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE!!!!! AT THIS MOMENT, HE’S DOWN TO LESS THAN 500,000 SUBS BETWEEN HIM AND T-SERIES!! PLEASE SUB TO KEEP HIM AT #1!!!1!11!!!!! :PP

This was really fun!! I’d like to tag: @barbieomoviegeek @shinwhoohoo @inatq​@naekkung @junghoseokmylove @zhengfairy @plzdontbesad @codename-nyx @cybercnu @strongchanpion @qhwallitycontent​ @myweeaboobs @softhotdog​ + anyone who sees this and is interested in doing one!!

[inspiringwhilerespiring]

Yall know i love this survey shit<3

1. List 5 things you want to do before the year ends.

-finish 5 books

-lose 20 lbs

-produce more art

-travel out of the state & country

-heal my heart and love myself a lil more

2. What color are your pants?

not wearing any

3. Favorite motivational quote.

damn, there’s A L O T. prob something simple and to the point. I like “proud, but never satisfied” and “the distance between your dreams and reality is called action”

4. When was the last time you drank coffee?

yesterday; got a new french press for christmas<3

5. What was the last thing you ate?

lmao the weirdest shit. hot cheetos, some hummus, and a bar

6. Favorite animal.

soo many; always been fascinated by sharks. Elephants are up there too.

7. Favorite song.

currently anything Kid Cudi - he soothes my soul

8. Last movie you watched?

National Lampoon family vacation I think?

9. Any turn ons?

of course; im one of those gay people who gets turned on by having an emotional connection first and foremost; but if were strictly talking physical shit - any neck action is sexy af. or just taking breaks to make eye contact.

10. Any turn offs?

bad breath lol and just being a dick in general or inconsiderate

11. List 4 big words off of the top of your head.

cognizant; superfluous; compelling; anguished

12. What are some meaningful movies?

First ones that come to my mind that left an impact or a meaningful message are Shawshank Redemption, Avatar, Wall-E (lol), Forest Gump

13. 2 most important people in your life right now?

Myself honestly 

14. What are 3 things you want to do before the month ends?

Find a desk, order a blender, and form a morning routine

15. When was the last time you read a good book?

Currently reading Michelle Obama’s -Becoming; before that I read the Alchemist and it was good

16. How long do you study for usually, if you study?

I don’t

17. Do you have any nicknames?

Pollo, Hayls

18. Favorite kind of perfume? (fruity, alluring, etc.)

Viva la Juicy, but honestly all of them - been sticking to essential oils or all natural shit lately - anything with Amber is good.

19. Do you have any international friends / friends who live out of state?

yes<3

20. What is something unique that you do every single day?

lol shower? I dont really do anything special i dont think?

21. If there was a movie based on your life, what would it be called?

“Becoming” lol because I feel like I am always growing and changing and adapting and learning and ill never just be one thing

22. When was the last time you bought a gift for someone?

Recently - christmas time

23. Are you a shopaholic?

no - but i just got an amazon prime account and thats game changer fa real

24. What are some songs that always make you feel better?

Love - Kid Cudi, 

25. List 3 activities that you can only enjoy by yourself.

Sitting in the tub (otherwise that shit is too crowded lmao)

Reading a good book

Masturbating prob?

26. If you could live in any biome (and survive) which biome would you live in?

Tropical island

27. How do you like being roused in the morning?

cuddles and soft music (prob reggae) and if i aint got shit to do a bluntttt fam

28. How was your day? What did you do?

it was ok - fighting some inner demons lately and feeling really low :/ but i got a little bit done so im giving myself a break

29. What did your last text message say?

“bye”

30. Do you respond to texts quickly?

depends on who it is lol

31. Who was the last person you called?

my mom

32. List 5 things that are on your wish list.

i wanna learn another language

I wish to be able to see more things change for the better in our world

i wish to skydive

i wish to live in another country for a while

and i wish to love myself

33. If you were famous, what do you think you would be famous for?

maybe being a host of a talk show lol

34. Winter or summer?

both

35. What is a quality that all people should have?

empathy

36. If you could have a large collection of one item, what would that item be?

my inner white girl and materialistic ass says shoes - but idk i think it would also be cool to have a collection of books or photographs - ya know that sentimental shit i be on

37. What have you been thinking about lately?

wow so much - a lot of reflecting honestly about who i have been and how i’ve treated others and how i am trying to change myself - so ironically enough, i’ve also been thinking about the future and trying to focus on who i want to be and where i want to be

38. What is the secret to a happy life?

taking it day by day im sure

39. What are some phrases you say often?

“nice” lol to my clients a lot

40. Favorite food?

lately its been asian - like thai and vietnamese. fuck now i want some dumplings and curry and egg rollllz

41. List 3 wishes.

already fuckin diiiiiddd fam

42. What are some of your greatest fears?

memory loss, dying, losing others

43. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?

idk whats app prob

44. Most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (in real life)? 

machu picchu

45. Spicy food:Like or dislike? 

LOVE

46. Scary movies:Like or dislike?

Depends

47. Do you like to travel?

Do you know me lol

48. Any regrets?

yeah always, but i try to live my life without any and honestly id never go back and change em

49. Do you like rain?

obsessed; fav weather actually

50. What do you spend most of your money on?

food

51. Would you rather visit the past or the future?

past bc im a sentimental person; future is exciting and i like surprises and the unknown and dreaming about that shit - id rather not know.

52. Favorite clothing store?

depends - urban outfitters is my style but i like goodwill just as much

53. What is the best advice you can give to those who are feeling down?

this too shall pass

54. How often do you think about your future? Does it scare you?

honestly not often enough, i try not to over think things or it tends to give me anxiety. why worry about things that are far out of our control? I just take shit day by day

55. What angers you the most?

ignorance. and rude ass people. when someone isnt being genuine

56. When was the last time you got majorly angry?

yesterday

57. When was the last time you got really sad?

today

58. Are you good at lying?

im sure everyone is to some degree

59. What foreign language would you like to learn?

spanish

60. How many languages can you speak and what are they?

just one - semi fluent in spanish

61. How often do you go to parties? If you don’t, what do you do instead?

lol 

62. What books do you plan to read this year?

not sure! I have a couple but we shall see

63. Do you have breakfast every morning?

yes i try to - its my fav meal

64. Tell us a secret.

then it wouldnt be a secret

65. How many concerts have you been to?

a few

66. Last hug?

wasnt long enough

67. Who knows you better than anyone else?

myself

68. Baths or showers?

ooooooh damn, depends

69. Do you think you’re ambitious?

i could be a little more

70. What song is stuck in your head?

lmaooo wake up in the sky by gucci mane and bruno - thats been my shit lately

71. Countries you’ve visited?

Peru, Canada, Mexico, Costa Rica, Jamaica, Caymans, Philippines

72. What do you most value in your friends?

Communication and laughter

73. What helps you to sleep better?

putting my got dang phone away from me

74. What is the most money you have ever held in your hand?

prob like 2 grand or some shit

75. What makes you nervous?

when i over book myself or take too much on and have a lot on my plate - so time management i suppose

76. What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

to live in the present moment; and to take care of myself 

77. Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive for sure - i dont really ever forget

78. First mobile phone?

ayyy a flip phone and it was see thru and lit up and had a walkie talkie!

79. Strangest dream?

lmao ew no im so ashamed

80. Best dream?

flying or something

81. Who is the smartest person you know?

my grandpa it seems

82. Who is the prettiest person on tumblr?

idk

83. Do you miss anyone right now?

very much, always

84. Who do you love? Why?

everyone, because life is too damn short for hate

85. Do you like sharing?

yeah lol bc i expect ppl to share w me in return

86. What was the last picture you took with your phone?

idk actually

87. Is there a reason behind everything that happens?

yeah id like to think so

88. Favorite genre of music?

i was raised on hip hop so i feel like that is my go to but honestly i love reggae, alternative, a lil bit of electro chill shit, R&B, oldies, jazz, anything 

89. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

Understanding

90. Describe your life in 5 words.

roller coaster. fun. emotional. loving. growth.

91. Describe the world in 4 words.

crazy. beautiful. strong. vast.

92. Craziest thing you’ve ever done?

skinny dip?

93. First three songs in your favorite playlist?

cocaine model - zhu

is this love - bob marley

tadow - masego

94. Are you more creative or logical?

def without a doubt 100% creative/emotional/empath/sensative/does things based on feelings rather than reason type person lmao

95. Would you rather lie or hurt someone with the truth?

truth always

96. What are you most proud of?

my ability to communicate and understand people

97. What personality trait do you admire in other people?

strength/humility 

98. When you imagine yourself as really, really relaxed and happy, what are you doing?

smoking a fat ass blunt doing yoga on a sunny day while its 68 degrees out and im on a beach