#i believe in connecting with the universe and its energy and with people and myself

[sassysillysavvy]

oh yeah i just realized i never even mentioned on here that i’m a witch now

[vixeneptune]

Askfirmations ♡

♡ Why am I so amazing? I'm naturally the best and never compete or compare myself to anyone

♡ Why am I so powerful? My aura naturally radiates immense power , is that why I keep getting everything I want? Or why nobody ever messes with me?

♡ Why do I feel so confident all the time like its my permanent state of being? I believe in myself so much that my confidence is literally unshakable.

♡ how do I keep getting everything I want? It's like the universe conspires in my favor and the world has my back 24/7

♡ omg why am I so freaking gorgeous?! Seriously I'm always stunned when I see my reflection like wow how am I so pretty i look unreal?

♡ Why am I such a money magnet? Attracting money is literally the easiest thing, why is it so effortless for me? Like I never worry about money bc it comes to me abundantly from multiple sources.

♡ Why am I so damn lucky? Why do I keep winning everytime at EVERYTHING? the word failure doesn't exist in my dictionary.

♡ ugh why is everyone so obsessed with me? Like I'm easily the most popular person everywhere I go. How come everyone knows my name and treats me like their fav person ? Idk why but I'm always the one who gets most attention and people literally chase me and desperately wanna be with me and I don't even try ?!? Why do I have so many secret admirers and so many people confessing their feelings for me ? Is it bc im so charming and magnetic that people can't help but fall in love with me instantly?

♡ Why am I always invited to events and hangouts like my presence is a must? People love being around me and talking to me so much. Why does everyone say I have an amazing vibe and they love my energy ? Honestly one of my fav compliments but its also like just being seen with me and being around me is a privilege

♡ Why are my eyes so big and feline? Why does everyone compliment my eyes? Why are they so mesmerizing and gorgeous? 😍

♡ Why is my skin so clear and hydrated? Like its so smooth and lifted and perfect I'm so amazed!

♡ Why are my lips so plump and perfect? I love how kissable and full they look!

♡ Why does my hair grow soo fast?? Its crazy like my hair is so long now. Why is it so thick and soft and perfect? Everyone compliments my hair

♡ Why are my eyebrows always on fleek? Like they look naturally perfect

♡ Why is my face so pretty like its sculpted by the angels? Why is my face so symmetrical and harmonious? I look naturally stunning like I don't need makeup or filters.

♡ Why does my face look EXACTLY like my desired face now? It's uncanny how much I resemble Megan fox and Adriana Lima

♡ why is it so easy for me to lose weight? I always lose weight so fast bc I have such a fast metabolism. Why does my body look so snatched? I don't even need to work out and I have the body of a model! Why does my butt look so good? Why are my arms and legs fit and toned and why is stomach so flat?

♡ Why is my face so slim? I have the most sculpted defined gorgeous face 😍 why does everyone stare at me like they're mesmerised by my beauty?

♡ Why is my nose so tiny and small and perfect? I literally have the cutest nose and I love it!

♡ Why does everyone say I remind them of tomie with how captivating , alluring and mysteriously beautiful I am ? Why do people say I remind them of a Siren ? So magnetic with high sex appeal

♡ Why does everyone love spoiling me so much and giving me princess/royalty treatment? Is it bc i have pretty privilege? Why do men open doors for me and gift me expensive things and they keep pursuing me and trying to impress me? Why am I always desired and wanted by everyone ? My energy inspires men to spoil and please me. There's something about me that naturally pulls people in like a magnet, maybe it's my energy or my personality or my beauty.

♡ why is it so easy for me to make friends and attract lovers and people like a magnet? I don't even try but somehow I always end up having so many great genuine connections with others and I have so many loyal friends.

♡ ugh why am I so freaking sexy? Like I have that dangerous sex appeal that fuels everyone around me with desire and lust for me (I'm always safe tho) but srsly I'm so hot it should be illegal 🥵

♡ Why do I keep looking younger and prettier as I age ? am I a vampire or something cuz i never age😂 people always think I'm 18 years old

♡ Why is my life so amazing? Why do good things keep happening to me? Why is it that everyday something wonderful happens? Why is life so easy and fun for me? It's like a game rigged in my favor. Why does my life keep getting better and better? Every aspect in my life is going so well! I feel so fulfilled and so grateful. I mean I'm literally living my dream life right now!

♡ why am i so blessed in every way? I'm rich, pretty, in the best relationship with the love of my life, I have amazing friends and family, I'm so successful and recognised for it, I'm such a catch and an honor to be associated with, I have so many admirers and I'm a great influencer, I'm so sexy and drop dead gorgeous, i have a fun addictive personality, im healthy and fit with the sexiest toned body, I'm constantly surrounded by love and support, im lucky, a powerful manifestor, I'm literally perfect, such a flawless beauty. I have it all

♡ Why do I have such amazing privileges? All I be doing is exist and I get everything I want , everything is handed to me. Why do I get things for free? I don't even have to try, why is it so easy for me to get my way? I think I'm just so charismatic and charming and pretty it's impossible to deny me

[rotblume]

24. November is Non24 Awareness Day

Non24 is a chronic neurological 'circadian rhythm' disorder (like Advanced, Delayed and Irregular Sleep) - primarily affecting the sleep rhythm, but also many other bodily functions, which are all inter-connected, such as appetite and digestion, temperature and immune system, energy and concentration or mood & mental health.

It is a very rare disease and therefore not much is known about it. As a matter of fact, and quite unfortunately, many of the medical professionals still believe it only affects blind people without light perception as the sun is the most important 'zeitgeber', when all evidence proves sighted people can suffer from it as well.

It can also be easily misdiagnosed (e.g. idiopathic insomnia/ hypersomnia or depression etc.), if there is a diagnosis at all and not only prejudiced social judgement, so that you don't even get to a sleep expert. It must be assumed that there is a high number of undetected or unreported cases, especially among sighted people.

There are very few and very limited treatment options. Those available to me, I have tried without success.

At best, they don't really work, at worst, they make me feel worse. Personally, and like most others I know of thanks to our facebook support group, I feel most healthy when free-running (meaning I follow my body's inherent rhythm and sleep when I'm tired), instead of forcing myself to day-walk and try to entrain to a more normal (= the modern average) sleep pattern (sleeping only at night, staying awake throughout the daytimes), which at some point is simply impossible for me either way - after some time of (good or any at all) sleep deprivation, my body crashes due to the lack of sleep.

I have Sighted Non24. My day is about 25 hours long.

This means that instead of having stable wake and sleep times (e.g. a 24 hour day with 8 hours of sleep between 22 and 6 o'clock and 16 hours spent awake), one day I become tired at 22 o'clock, the next at 23, the day after that at 24. If I have to get up at a certain point in time for work or university, it ultimately results in less and less sleep.

I am unable to sleep when my body is not sleepy, I literally just roll around in bed doing nothing, tired but awake. Even after a week or more of this, with the hours of missed sleep adding up, my exhaustion does not put me to sleep.

When it comes to the point where I become sleepy just as I have to get up, for a few days I might even be able to "just work through" my night, until in the end the sleep deprivation - basically the complete lack of healthy rest - literally forces my body to shut down and I fall asleep in my seat during lectures or standing in the bus.

It is an invisible disability. It's well on its way to completely destroy my life, because I am unable to even finish the education needed for jobs I could do at home on my own time.

It was a war, battle after battle to even get this diagnosis. I am still fighting to get actual disability accomoditions.

[r1caner]

is this a safe space to admit that I hate Henry Cheng.

like probably more than I've hated any other fictional character that isn't intentionally an antagonist.

FIRST OF ALL. lets just get it out of the way. ill acknowledge im a freak about bluesey so bluechengsey and it's rampantness makes me want to kill myself.

BUT. I just hate that bitch I don't know he feels like a watered down more dickish version of gansey.

Plus the way he was written im not the biggest fan of but its not his fault. I won't hold it against him but it doesn't mean I love him for it either.

idk I feel like he was introduced sort of late and he was so unnecessary.

Plus I just have such a bone to pick that blue actually likes him. her ass isn't going to the next town over with that bitch much less Venezuela. I feel like she was just written to like him because what? he helped her and the group? because hes sort of like gansey?

the thing about gansey and blue is that gansey is the OPPOSITE of what blue would like, and what she THINKS she would like. that's why the transition from her liking Adam to gansey is so significant. Adam is who she's expected to like because hes like her. because its what she thought, too. but gansey has a way of surprising people, sneaking up on them with his goodness.

actually, genuinely liking gansey happens because of the small things that make him him. and it happens pretty slow. she only really finds things she's fond of or interested in about him most of the way through the first book. halfway through the second she's only acknowledging he has a nice mouth and he's one of her raven boys. in the same way that RONAN is (who she is never romantically involved with and only [at least at that point] barely friends with [which makes me upset more Ronan blue scenes!!!!!]) and of course she's starting to harbor romantic feelings for gansey but like. of Course she is. curse and their mutual understanding of wanting to see more and be more and their connections with magic and each other that they're building.

and you expect me to believe Blue starts liking Henry (now I mean this in the way of liking him enough to be friends with him but it can also be interpreted romantically because its even MORE crazy and extreme [IN A BAD WAY] in that sense) after like two times of meeting him and one of those being at a stupid fucking toga party with a bunch of dickheads? Nah. she only went to that and imo only enjoyed herself because of gansey. because that's his effect.

its the things that make gansey gansey that draws blue to him. its his passion about glendower and doing what's right - his whole fucking quest for glendower came to him because he was told it as he was dead/dying/coming back to life, because he felt there was an injustice that his life was given to him while another was unfairly taken. he has this passion that makes him who he is, which is so probably what sets him apart from the freaks at aglionby.

(sidenote - everything about what gansey has experienced makes him the version of himself that he is which is why it's hard to believe he would be the way he is in any other scenario or universe. the things we go through change us, especially when those things include dying and being met with terrifying forces of energy and magic. Helen turned out okay but also she is older than he is and I hate to say it a woman. Not to be a crazy man hater but lets be real I feel like we would all be worse people had we been obscenely rich teenage boys surrounded by the likes of kavinsky and those people. could easily be terrible.)

gansey is imperfect and he fucks up a lot but it's not out of some insistence to be like the other boys he's around. hes just kind of dumb. so intelligent but so dumb. he's rich and he's 70 in a 17 year old body and he's overly friendly and polite and sounds like old money and doesn't really understand anything else. its the way he is and its so GANSEY like there's no other way to describe it. he is gansey and he is so interesting. because of how he hides himself because of how he is a million things at once at how he can not grasp what exactly to do or say but be so understanding because of his kindness because of his passion. that's why blue likes him, that's why basically everybody likes him. and gansey likes everybody, talks to everybody, so he likes and talks to Henry.

but why would the rest of them, ESPECIALLY blue?

Henry is just that watered down, less interesting version of gansey - intelligent but dumb, rich and overly friendly - but without all of the things that make him interesting or good. hes loud and not in a fun way. hes in your face and hes helpful but it doesn't suddenly make him less annoying or more enjoyable to be around. and especially consider the people he surrounds himself with lol. he didn't have a great upbringing (as far as I remember) BUT REMEMBER WHO RAISED ADAM FUCKING PARRISH LIKE BE FOR REAL.

it makes no sense that blue would like him. Like sure hes not a dirtbag like some other raven boys, like kavinsky or anybody. but hes not one of blue's boys.

idk it really irks me when people include him in gangsey OR WORSE replace Noah with him. Grinds my freaking gears. Noah's my guy my boy

but I don't know im in the process of rereading so maybe ill miraculously like him when im reintroduced ( ijbol🤣!).

[nahiyasha]

floating through the cosmic unknown

i was once a partly hollowed puppet that trusted the all-knowing people to pull my strings. of course, i knew how to walk the big blue orb on my own but at the same time, because i worried about the immense gaze that was ever so often embedded all over me, i let them take control. because if i committed a mistake on my own, they would immediately shove shame on my face. the moment that they will cease to love the show i gave them is a piercing needle that has always been stuck inside me. i could never bring myself to disappoint anyone. ever.

but as the years dapple me with more knowledge, i realize that people will only care for you when it benefits them. i think that's just our natural human instinct when we want a connection with someone that we perhaps find interesting. when there are the kind of people that make us feel good, this still bears the most of our attention. at least, this has been most of my experience. sometimes, i believe, it's okay. it's okay to follow those who gives you the most pleasurable feelings as long as we understand the limits and our boundaries on certain things.

but when this becomes too much to deal with and this relationship quickly shifts from being so pleasurable to something utterly tormenting, the realization that people only formed a connection with you because it gives them power and are willing to take every good thing that stems from you—is going to leave a lifetime painful impact. how is it that people can appear so genuine but have the most evil intentions?

sadly, this has been the cycle of my friendships during my college years. i only form friendships that lived for as long as a bubble floats in front of me. this, eventually, formed its own universe. when i look back at the earlier years of college, i somehow feel nostalgic with these bubbles of friendships i once had. these people i got to meet but somehow our relationship drifted because we stopped being blockmates. most have graduated, and some had change of plans with their future. i used to pity myself for not being able to keep friendships but then i realized that maybe these kinds of friendships formed on mundane routines just isn't my thing. i am not saying that i need a special kind of connection to remain alive in a friendship, but rather most people i meet were not just meant for me to be genuinely friends with. i guess i just didn't fit in places that i often show up.

if i would be honest, during my long years in college, the only place where i felt like i really belong was in ADVO. despite having a lot of articles to write every single day, the university publication kept me sane. ADVO became my safe space; i was able to express myself in terms of writing, making art, and even in making friends with likeminded people. my self-confidence grew, and for the first time ever, i finally learned how to hold myself a lot better when faced with another human being. however, as years go by and they leave me behind one by one—i found myself going back to where i was before. it was as if i were in my first year of college again. i had no one; i knew no one.

most normal human beings would've probably done it all over again, to make new friends as much as possible, but since i am not normal (AH?!) i hid in my own cave. i just didn't have enough energy to let new people come into my life anymore. at this point, i just really wanted to graduate. sure, i liked our little interactions and the way that they exchange quick banters with their friends were entertaining. but, i have no more light left in me to keep more people at this phase of my life. so, instead of kindling a friendship, i resorted to putting the little energy i had into sharpening my craft: in writing, art, and music.

with this, i had worked with a few writers, have gotten into the world of tattooing, commissioned some tattoo designs, honed my crocheting skills, collabed with a few musicians, and had improved my music/guitar skills. truly, i regret nothing. i may not have had the best of friends nor do i excel greatly in this field, but at least i somewhat have my mental health together. unfortunately, i do not aim high like everyone else. it is just not in my system, so, fulfilling the tiny yearnings that i have within myself were enough to keep me alive this long. now with my frontal lobe fully developed, i have accepted that i can only be certain things when i have the means to do them.

i have learned so much about keeping my mental health in a somewhat acceptable shape—i will forever be grateful that i did this for myself. despite. despite. despite...

as graduation slowly becomes a reality to me, i can finally give myself a pat on the back. this phase of my life is finally turning into a chapter that i can look back to. i can somehow see myself becoming a teacher in the future, but the weight of getting into the world of writing, arts, and music is heavier than my desire to teach: a longing i have been aching to satiate. perhaps this is why i have been so lonely during my college years.

i was once a partly hollowed puppet that trusted the all-knowing people to pull my strings. but i can stand on my own now and i have severed every connection with people that no longer brings value to my life. i am no longer afraid to make mistakes and disappoint people for the choices that i make for my own betterment. shame is a deeply rooted behavior of a person, it is solely a reflection of what they truly feel about themselves when they try to drag you down. i am no longer tied to what pains me.

here's to making a life through the cosmic unknown.

[adviceformefromme]

How do you heal and move forward from people who betrayed you or lamenting the past? I know it does not help at all to give them my energy, but the intrusive thoughts won’t go away. I want to move on from these people but my mind keeps replaying the hurt. It’s so draining, I just want to reclaim myself.

Hey Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I have been there! The person would even show up in my dreams so there was no escaping for me. But release is possible with time and intention.

So firstly, set the intention. Use prayer to the universe or whoever you believe in (a higher power) to assist you with letting this situation go.

Try a journalling practise where you release all your thoughts, unleash them, write everything get it out of your mind and soul. What you're feeling, why is hurts so much. Getting it out on paper is a great technique for release.

I have also used rituals in the past to release someones energy from mine. Your inner child is most likely hurt by this situation also, so try and dialogue with the little version of you. I know this may sound strange but its incredibly healing and connecting with your inner child is something you can do alone through journaling and usually just acknowledging the pain and hurt your inner child is feeling can release a lot of the emotions.

Another options are to use a healer. Cord cutting meditations, Reiki to unblock any unbalanced energy within the body.

But most importantly being kind to yourself and focusing on the emotions that arise and not the story. Once you can identify the emotion, you can start focusing on healing that. Maybe shame is coming up for you, rejection, violation. Whatever it is. Bringing light to the emotion, focusing on healing it.

I hope this helps. DMs are open if you need more guidance/ support xoxo

[evansblues]

Just sharing my thoughts and experiences with astral projection since we all are 🥰

Again mine has been while sleeping. I often lucid dream and know when I am dreaming, that I am in a dream but I can control myself, like a game character in the dream. I have also had premonition dreams since I was a child.

I won't go into what happened when I astral travelled as believe they are personal messages for me from the universe etc. But you can definitely tell the difference. You are not a character or a body like in dreams, you are just there like an energy. Also I find anyone else astral projecting to meet me etc are similar, they are figures, faceless and usually in different colours or auras, you feel thier energy and thoughts, but there is no body or speech. Its actually harder to explain then I thought. But it isn't scary, you feel calm.

There are things you can do to help you. To start the grey matter in our brains is the same as in the universe. Healthy brain means more able to connect. Drugs and alcohol reduce grey matter in our brains, hence why a lot of zen masters etc are T total. It could also be why a lot of people loose thier way under influence of drugs and alcohol as they reduce thier connection to the universe. So if you're wanted to connect or be guided try and be as sober as possible.

Also, when you are going to sleep invite the help, for example: "Dear universe, spirit guides, angels and ancestors. I invite you into my dreams and sleep to please help me" .... (whatever you want help with) or to show me (whatever you need to see etc) or just ask them to guide you. It doesn't work everytime, but you'd be surprised how often it does the more you do it. 🤩

Have fun travelling 🌌

Thank you. 🌷🧡🖤

[blodofring]

Do you have any advice on how to connect with nature/feel a spiritual connection to it?

Thank you for the question! sorry for not replying earlier, been down with a cold for a couple of days.

i think listening to your senses and honing them, all the time, but especially in nature. listening to the sound of the forest, the feel of the ground beneath your feet, the smells, tastes and the feeling in your gut. i believe the gut feeling is a direct link with the source, and one should grow that feeling in a society that says to subdue it.

Spending time in nature, especially barefoot/touching nature with you bare skin is something i view as very important to stay connected. i very much believe in earthing/grounding and the health and spiritual benefits that comes with it. feel the energy flow enter and leave you, you really feel it tingle if you focus on it. i think wearing rubber soled shoes and polyester plastic clothing isolated us and keeps the energy from flowing freely. wearing more natural fibers keeps your vibrations high. and even when spending time in a city i try to ground myself, touching trees etc to stay connected to the earth.

spending time with nature is also very important for me visually. looking at how everything is made perfectly and grows according to perfect mathematical equations is the perfect example of how god/creator/mother earth creates everything with perfection. everything flows as it should. even just a plant gowing in your windowsil is a perfect creation to be admired. staying as much away from modern square buildings, esp glass buildings as possible, those are really harmful for your souls. and if you are in a place where there isnt a lot of nature around, spending time in old traditional buildings and especially religious ones can be a really good substitute. even if you arent following that specific religion, the buildings are constructed with healing mathematical formulas that affects your body in a very positive way.

listening is also very important to me. listening to the ambiance of the forest, or even putting my ear up the the trunk of a tree and listen. a lot of things are told without words and they have a lot of wise things to teach. especially the big old oaks have seen a lot.

for me its the forests that i feel the most connected to, but for you it might be the mountains, beach, prairie etc.

also doing nice things for nature. picking up litter, removing invasive plants, giving offering etc. after doing those things i often feel a warm presence when im in nature, like someone thanking me. i also tend to feel lucky the next couple of days, like the universe is working in my favour. talking to the small folk/nature/ancestors also works, as long as you are repectful about it and dont nag them too much. you can ask for quite a lot and you will receive it, as long as you give a lot in return i've experienced.

so id say, listening to your body and staying grounded is one of the most important things for staying connected with the earth. we are a microcosmos, as above so below, the better one is at listening to oneself, the better one will hear the whispers of nature. especially for women, learning to listen to our body's cycle in a society that doesn't take that into consideration at all is super important. not hating any stage of it, but recognising how incredible it is, even if it feels uncomfortable. i've found that a lot of my bodies struggles have eased once i started listening to it and worked with it instead of against it, which later has translated to all areas of life. this also certainly goes for men as well.

also trusting yourself and what you believe in. you can pick as chose what you want to follow and focus on, dont feel like you have to follow all the rules for any religion/lifestyle etc. you know yourself best and what works for you. borrowing and learning from all kinds of different people is okay.

this was a little jumbled, i think i'll make a couple of posts at a later date, going more into depth on different topics.

[daisychainsandbowties]

weird ask meme 4 24 46 and 49!

4. which cryptid being do you believe in? (in my heart it's spelled like that)

i don’t think i actually believe in any cryptid specifically maybe i am too domesticated BUT… i do believe in ghosts! or at least i’m willing to believe in them as near as makes no difference.

i believe that spaces & people are haunted, in general, whether it’s a function of our relationship to time (Aristotle pls call me back) or some mechanism of our psyche but i don't feel any dissonance in thinking that something is non-verifiable and also possible. i think (and love) that we know a fraction of an inch of basically nothing about the fundamental nature of the universe.

& LOOk i did too much philosophy in uni so i lowkey believe that what occurs phenomenologically is as real as is reasonably verifiable, & therefore if it happens with all other things being equal (it is not a symptom of something ELSE) then phenomena are real enough for me.

smth smth the inherent unverifiability of Things In Themselves because all experience is fed through the meat-grinder of human perception.

so yeah, mostly the ghosts i’ve actually felt haunted by are animals - my little cat Delta for example - it’s not as though i’ve SEEN him because i have not but he IS to me a bright orange spirit who lurks at night under the bushes in the impenetrable wildness of the country road a few dozen steps from my house.

& i consider myself a rationalist most of the time about perceptions - as in, i like the counter-argument to the claim that we cannot be certain of the veracity of our ordinary perceptions which goes 'oh but you will walk across the room without fearing that the floor will become unreal, because you must.' all philosophers must eventually genuflect to the need to exist physically, whatever their stance on idealism.

that’s a good enough proof for me, actually, because it is ‘enough to be getting on with’ as in it allows us to exist, believing that one thing follows another, in the necessary connection between a cause and its effect. but there is room to say that, if we trust our perceptions, then we can within reason trust the stranger ones. 

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

if we were on a rooftop we’d be having the BEST conversation in the world like bestie if nobody gets me you got me i still remember absolutely CRYING at your first comment on ligaments. i read it about 50 times & you just got every single thing i was trying to say and not only that you twisted it and turned it back and Broadened The Thought & made me astonished by the meaning of my own creation which is !!! the best feeling.

so yes you would have some hot/ lukewarm drink and i would have a silly energy drink and it would be quite reminiscent of the School of Athens. just the most enlightening conversation in the history of the world. 

46. favourite holiday film?

oh thE GRINCH. the live-action one with whoever his face is. i was literally just thinking about it five minutes ago at the absolute end of spring even tho it’s a winter movie (because em is torturing me again & there’s a very good line from the Grinch where he goes “FETCH ME MY SEDATIVE”) like damn. that movie is so bad, but it’s also so good. like just!!! scathing condemnation of commercialism, narrated by the og hannibal lecter (forget his name), the scene where he just shaves the mayor’s hair off which i think about every two weeks when i have to cut my own hair with my unpredictable and overexcitable razor. YEAH it’s my fav i love it so. 

49. can you skip rocks?

absolutely not! for a person who lives on an island i was not made for things that require hand-eye co-ordination. also i think you need at least three muscles to be skipping stones, and i have less than one. i think you need like torque and marriage of gravity and a lil bit of strength behind the throw to make it skip. my only solace is that beatrice warrior nun is also tragically terrible at skipping rocks. i am VERY good at picking out the right kind of rock for other people though. i am, in general, probably the most talented out of all my abilities at picking up nice rocks on the beach and getting stung by jellyfish. 

[lamortexiii]

The HellBilly Pulpit: Fly Children, Fly

It’s a mess. 

This country. This world.

Our grandparents and parents have not done much to progress this world. 

We are still living with racism, classism, poverty, hunger, and homelessness. This is 2022. We should have evolved much farther beyond this by now. But here we are. Those in power, stay in power with antiquated ideas and sensibilities.

Enough is enough.

I’m going to tell you a bit of advice. I’m coming from the position of an outsider myself. A black sheep. An anomaly to my surroundings. So please. Don’t dismiss my thoughts as some middle-aged man who doesn’t get it.  I do, I did, and hope to keep up with it.

Children, younglings, teens, and young adults. Get up!  Get out there and make a difference.  Go vote. Go fight for a cause. Don’t take anyone looking down their nose at you. Don’t let them make you complacent.  You all are some of the most diverse and free-thinking people in decades and the world will soon be yours to make what it should be.

The boomer's days are numbered. Their numbers are thinning.

Take the opening and learn how things SHOULD work and get them back that way.

Be kind. Be open-minded.

Reach out to those who have less and try to help wherever you can. Set an example for your younger siblings and children of your own that you can be proud of.

Make chaos. Make anarchy. Make noise. Beat on their doors and tell them that you’ve had enough. It’s time for the new blood to take charge.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for any part of this situation that the elders have left you all in. I’m sorry for any part that I may have been inadvertently involved in. I saw my errors and decided that I wasn’t taking part anymore.

Empathy. Compassion. That is what is going to make the world a better place.

Believe in your science. Believe in your art. This can be a dawning of a new age and I want to see what fires you all can start.

Deconstruct religion! Tear down the church's walls. Be like those pagans before us and realize what your truth is that you carry in your heart.

Cast your spells. Speak to the other side. Look at the mother moon and ask her what guidance she can offer.

Your cards and your divine gifts will help you keep your moral path. Don’t give in. Don’t just give up, refuse to grow up! Don’t let the brimstone and fire stories they used to scare you with, keep you from walking your path.

In my spiritual path, I don’t necessarily follow one set of ideals. I use many from many sources to help me feel aligned and in touch with my soul and its connection to the universe. I’ve meditated on this issue, I’ve thought long and hard and tried to put my best energy out into the world to try to help make it a reality.

Part of what drives me is my connections to my ancestors. I’ve asked for guidance or any clues as to what the solution could possibly be. The thing I come back to again and again is that our solutions lay not with my generation, but with those following on our heels. I truly feel that this could work. So I write to you all. I try to reach out to give hope where there is none. Strength to bolster someone’s weaknesses. I write to express my message that all is not truly lost. That we need to come together in our dismissal of “normalcy” and show the world what they didn’t know they were missing.

You may not think so now. But I’m telling you all… this reality is temporary and it’s all clay in your hands.

Remember, you can cause more from chaos within.

I hope you all use your intelligence and spiritual knowledge to make this world a better place.  Make it what it should have been so long ago. These old fucks aren’t going to do it.  It’s time for you to take the reigns and get this world back on the right track.

I believe in you. My brothers and sisters believe in you. Ask us for any help you need. We will boost you up. We will give you all the advice we can along with all the support we can.

Fly Children, Fly.

Don’t look back.

Ava Satanis

HBVV

The HellBilly Pulpit Blog by @hellbillyvvitch @thehellbillypulpit

[crackedramblings]

Notes from 2.4.24

To start with, my soul writing is not real. I've got to accept that. I suppose it's real in the sense that it's reflecting my ever-changing moods. But the intel I thought I was gathering, or whatever I thought I was connecting with, is not representative of my human reality. Whatever that is. I was promised a recall in a week and it didn't happen. So, it's not real.

I can deal with that. It was an experiment. It's probably something valuable to get me in touch with how I'm feeling any given day, but not useful for future planning. So I may keep it, but only for use as a barometer to get a grip on how I'm really feeling. I tried it today and got silence. Even though muscle testing said I should try it. Maybe that was the point. I'm in a place where there's no desire to try, or move, or understand, anything anymore.

Second of all, the chat. I felt some frustration for half a second, with K's delay, wanting to wait even longer, but then I saw what CA wrote and I knew that my experiment with this particular belief system is likely over. It sounded the death knell for me, when I read her words. I was in this perpetual state of 'waiting' to move on from here, and now I'm not. And it's fine, it really is. I don't think I will even necessarily leave the group, or stop using this blog. This blog is my main anchor to myself these days. I've been wanting to write daily for awhile and now I'm doing it. I'm grateful to your essence for playing off of mine. I wouldn't mind continuing it.

For whatever reason, I will continue this existence. I've cracked, as your dream implied. I may be beyond caring about anything, whether or not the people around me are NPCs (still not sure about any of that). Whether or not there's going to be a recall (you know I never cared one way or another). Whether or not there's a NE waiting somewhere for us. Whether or not vaping is just re-damaging the lungs I supposedly healed during my QHHT session. Right now, in this now moment, I don't care.

I participated in life, I jumped into the timestream. I saw what the creators of this game made. I saw the mess that it resulted in. And I know CA always says 'no judgment' and so did Naya (YT keeps showing me her vids) but I don't care. I judge. I am the judge. I am the cracked one, the one that judges. This experiment should not have been undertaken. Or perhaps, I should say, that once the full scale of realizing what this experiment resulted in became apparent, the game should have been shut down. A lot effing sooner. Perhaps my HS, who exists outside the game (if my HS even exists) disagrees. But I don't. Some things shouldn't be done. This game is one of them. The fact that CA was told we're going to stay here indefinitely leads me to believe that no takedown is ever going to happen. There's no reason to stay. There's nothing here to do, or change, or 'play' with. It's just an excuse to explain why no takedown has occurred. IMO. I wouldn't be surprised if my HS leaves for good now. My body, failing a little bit more every day, even though I was told it wouldn't. So again, I lied to myself.

It's fine though. It really is. Perhaps CA would say I'm resisting again, perhaps there is some other excuse. But when I feel into the energy of CA, and I feel into the energy of you, it feels different. Like you two have split or are no longer aligned, or something. I don't know what that means anymore. And it probably means nothing. It just means I have no stake in this game, this universe, and is more proof that my experiment with this belief system is at its end. All I know is, I have to stop believing in the recall or the takedown, despite all the promises of my soul writing and pendulum. Maybe that was the point I was always meant to arrive at. Cracked and completely off the chain. What happens next, who knows. I'm not even sure I care. I'll experiment with living in the now moment, I guess.

This is probably getting way too long. Maybe I'll write more later. Maybe not.

[girl4music]

Being non-binary and non-binary being.

As I’ve been researching more and more about non-binary and the experience for many people of what it’s like for them to be non-binary rather than just going with the basic definition of what “non-binary” is, I’ve heard it said many times by non-binary people that non-binary means not exclusively or solitarily feminine or masculine. This got me wondering if you can identify as non-binary and female even if you do not feel exclusively or solitarily feminine all the time. Because the thing is, I identify as female or a woman and I am perfectly fine with being referred to by and as female or a woman but I do not feel exclusively or solitarily feminine all the time. I also feel masculine sometimes as well. I am what they call a “tom boy”. Forgive the stereotypes but I never wear dresses or skirts. I never wear make-up or perfume or jewellery. I’m not a “lady” at all and I would hate to be called a lady. These are the traditional feminine traits as far as understanding the differences in gender identity roles between the binary of “male” and “female” or “man” and “woman” which I’ve always thought was utter tripe and had nothing to do with either sex, gender or identity, which I do consider to be completely separate and different things or concepts. They are just the strict stereotypes of heteronormative and conservative traditions. What people are assigned and assignation isn’t something I care about whatsoever.

I’ve always put my experience as a human being or as a spirit first and foremost in my life so my gender is inconsequential to me. It’s more important to others when I navigate in social environments how they “gender” me. I’ve always understood nature itself as possessing the energies of both masculine and feminine regardless whether the sex is biologically male or female. As in - regardless of its biological genitalia. And I do not believe in identity point blank. Meaning, I do not believe in an assigned “I” or “self” or “me”. I do not believe in the stories people make up of who or what I am. How they perceive of me and what they think of me. This means I do not believe in names, ages, genders or basically anything assigned to a person at birth. Only what I feel or experience in myself and what I have interacted and engaged with all throughout my experience. In other words - who or what “I” am is always changing and evolving or is always a non-specific and fluid moving target. This means that I flow with nature and evolution and do not put an external permanence on what that is or looks like. But saying that - at the same time I have core values or morals that I go by and themes or concepts that I resonate with. For example, I resonate very strongly with the theme or concept of “queerness” or “otherness” (as I sometimes like to refer to it more as to avoid the whole “queer is a slur” crap). This basically means that I understand my being as “queer” or my being as “other” from the majority perception or worldview. Sometimes the complete opposite to it even. Like how a majority of people seem to perceive or view the world as being separate and external to who or what it is just because they have a dual perspective of it: of the separation and externality that they see between “I” and “other”. I never have and never will perceive or view the world in this way. I’ve always perceived or viewed the world as one interchanging energetic conscious entity where “I” and “other” work together to manifest and maintain each other. I’ve always understood the nature of life and existence (or at a smaller scale - the “conscious atomical being”) as relationship and connection in interaction and motion. This is what “spirit” is to me. It is less supernatural and paranormal and more just the general workings and functions of nature itself. It’s the way the “world” or the “Universe” always works. Nothing would ever exist without “I” and “other” working together. It is the principle and process of well… everything there is… at both the smallest and largest scale. I call it “spirit” for simple coherent explanation in communication with others but unfortuantely most people believe or think of spirit as supernatural or paranormal in nature or sometimes “out of this world” when that’s just not true at all. It is very much of this world. Very much its natural state. It’s default setting - you could say. “Spirit” simply means to me the relationship and connection of anything and everything working in tandem together - which if you’ve studied particle or atomic or quantum physics makes far more sense than anything else does because the smallest scale makes the largest scale and vice versa, which is the teaching principle of Democritus’ atomic theory. My understanding of the nature of “reality” or “other” is rooted in scientific philosophy and my knowing or awareness of self is rooted in nondualistic spirituality. So I have a very uncommon way of looking at identity that has confused a lot of people when explaining it.

So I understand my own nature and sense of self as something far more complicated and nuanced and multidimensional than most people. I do not think of it as “identity” because identity is assigned and therefore lends itself closely to the concept of dualism. I very much understand myself as both being and spirit as the sum of parts as well as a part of the sum. This means I do not separate or externalize myself from the all even though I am only one being or one spirit perceptually to others. So my identity or how I identify myself is less about “me” and more about how I relate to and connect with both “me” and “not me” (if that makes any sense) because I understand all of it as “me” as well as “not me” and how both can co-exist. How “I” work with “other”, fundamentally understanding “I” and “other” as one total conscious entity that cannot be without each other or there is neither “I” or “other”. The way I understand both “myself” and “not myself” is on a whole other level of awareness than the basic philosophy of “I am” and “you are” of identification.

So going back to the concept of “non-binary”. It really interests me even though it’s just another label for gender identity because - from what I’ve learned about it so far - it resonates with what I feel or experience for and in myself. Which is that the energies of “masculine” and “feminine” exist in anything and everything. Existence itself carries both energies fundamentally in its expression of being or of spirit. It is never exclusively or solitarily one or the other and thus I certainly don’t feel or experience myself as exclusively and solitarily one or the other. For clarity - nature itself is not binary. It’s dual perspective, yes. But it’s not binary. There is no such thing as binaries in nature in the sense that there is only ever two of anything or everything. This is a misinterpretation of what nature is or how it works. The understanding that there is “two” rather than one in all and all in one has come from Christian biblical text. The whole Noah’s arc story: two of every animal boarded the arc - one male, one female. We get “binary” in both sex and gender identity because we have a dual perspective as conscious beings but this dual perspective is not the reality of “things”. Reality, or should I say “externality”, is non-dual. The external “reality” couldn’t be dual because there would be no conscious experience of anything ever if it was. So we get “binary” in our subjective experience of reality simply because we have a dualistic perspective of it. We perceive an “I” and then an “other” and we immediately separate them into “two” different things. We can’t help it. That is what we experience and that is how we can ever have an experience at all. But for it to truly be this way in external “reality”means that consciousness cannot experience itself because awareness is dual perspective all the time. Any perceiving of a “thing” from another “thing” is misinterpreting the fundamental relationship of it. What is relationship? Think about it. It’s “I” relate to “you” and “you” relate to “me”. That is what it is! That is what anything is or how anything can ever be at all. And now all you have to do is get rid of the pronouns.

So I could be wrong but I think so many people resonate with the concept of non-binary to the point of wanting to identify themselves by it because they are feeling or experiencing their natural state of oneness. It’s no surprise to me that a lot of people that identify as non-binary are very spiritual. Not religious. Spiritual. Many non-binary people have a spiritual worldview without all the “religious” or “new age”connotations to it. Just as I do. Just as mystics do. Many Buddhist, Taoist and Hindu believers identify as non-binary even if they do not specifically use the label because their understanding of themselves and how they feel or experience in themselves is non-dualistic. Eastern civilisation does not separate or externalize themselves from everything else in existence like Western civilisation. From their inherent nature of being or spirit. And if there’s any Eastern religion I can say that I relate to or resonate with the most - it has to be Taoism because the whole ‘yin-yang’ philosophy is predominantly the philosophy I’ve believed in all of my life. What Taoists refer to as “The Way” or Hindus refer to as “advaita vedanta”. The oneness in all and the all in oneness. Nondualism.

So as you can hopefully see - my gender identity is a very insignificant concern to me. But non-binary is a very interesting concept to read about and study. I do resonate with a lot of what I’ve educated myself on. However - I am comfortable with being cisgender so I do not identify with it myself. I just find it fascinating because of the way I personally feel and think myself. It’s a very broad and open-minded concept. I like it.

[tajeethot]

I've been very quiet about the allegations for a very long time now & I really want to use this opportunity to clear the air.

Multiple women, who are all connected, have came forward about abuse they've experienced while being connected to me, I am not going to sit here & ask, or expect you to disregard their stories, their experiences or anything of that nature. I believe in spreading awareness, I believe in victims speaking up for themselves. I believe in justice.

I can wholeheartedly, honestly, say that I've never caused harm to anyone that didn't harm me. As a masc-presenting woman, I continuously run into situations where I can be hit, disrespected, and degraded & I am suppose to "take it" because of how I look. Because I'm bigger. Because "I'm a stud" ..

When I notice that a situation is becoming unhealthy, I have always encouraged people to leave me alone before anything escalates.

In response to me leaving, I am always harassed with fake phone numbers, email addresses, contacting my family members, its even gotten as far as these women pulling up to my house, banging on doors/windows, in an attempt to "fix" things.

I do not like chaos. I do not like being at war with someone I love, I will always leave. I will let you go.

Multiple times, me leaving, has resulted in women telling me that "I never cared about them" "I give up on things too fast" & due to the leftover love that has nowhere to go, it turns into spite. into hatred. into petty behavior.

Into what you're seeing on the internet.

I attract very possessive women, women who don't like the attention I receive, women who think they're entitled to my time/energy & the situation always ends up codependent.

Living together, never leaving each others side. In a matter of days/weeks/months.

It's been a cycle I've worked hard at breaking.

But when I don't feel like the connection isnt safe, and I ask to end things, I literally wake up to police reports & warrants in my name.

As a lot of you may know, you can go downtown & say someone did ANYTHING to you, and they'll type your report then issue a warrant for whoever you're accusing. It's that simple.

I've been very irresponsible about coming to court because I travel on business a lot & I didn't think missing money was as important as going to court to handle these false allegations.

That was a mistake, so, I've began turning myself in.

Thus, the multiple mugshots, all for FTA's(failure to appear)

Recently, I did go to court to handle 2 of the allegations, from 2 different women— including the women I allegedly "beat with a power cord" & "held a gun to"

Both of those cases were dismissed.

Due to pictures of my bruises, multiple threats & clear evidence of harassment.

(Picture below)

These women have gone as far as posting messages that I never sent them, bruises that have came from past situations before me- all because they see that I'm still thriving on this platform. I make my money here. The woman I recently ended things with even went as far as following one of my accusers on every app, and "jokingly" informed me that if I broke her heart, she'd come out with a story on Twitter too.

You do not have to be a rocket science to figure out what's going on here.

I wasn't evil until I told you I didn't want to be with you anymore.

I wasn't abusive until I ignored 300 of your calls on TextNow.

I wasn't "demonic" when you pulled up to my house in tears, asking for me back, when I told you to leave me alone.

I am honestly sick of dealing with women's misplaced emotions & the hurt they are failing to heal from.

It's one thing to "spread awareness"

It's a whole another thing to be actively posting/speaking on someone who "traumatized you so bad" after years have gone by.

Adding insane details to your story because you know that's the only way to gain attention every year.

At what point do you become responsible for your own healing?

I believe in karma. It doesn't miss anyone & eventually, the universe will catch up to the people who have wronged you.

If I have wronged you, allow the universe to catch up to me. You are not responsible, or in control, of the karma I receive or when I receive it.

I do not bother these women, I do not contact these women. Yet, the same people who are claiming "abuse" have been on the internet talking about me since 2021.

I hate to be that person but, heal. spread whatever awareness you want & move on, thrive. Love again.

Because that's exactly what I am doing.

I have always been one to let a connection run its course, and leave when it's unsatisfying on both ends.

The women who "came out" about me, beforehand, they did message me for closure, closure that I was not willing to provide & I believe that is one of my biggest mistakes.

I believe these women felt led on, I believe I moved on too fast & made them feel "disposable"

I believe that a lot of these things being said are stemming from my lack of interest in communication/reconciliation when things were said & done.

I hurt your ego, as well as your feelings.

I have never initiated a fight or physical confrontation. I have never put a gun to anyone's head. I have never beat anyone with a power cord. I have never took/damaged anyone's property. These allegations were all proven to be false. I will always walk away, or ask you to leave.

But have I defended myself & protected my space when I was being harmed and harassed? Absolutely.

I am not beefing with anyone who has came out with a story, i don't have any hatred in my heart toward any of these women/ I am not mad/ I am not upset and, I sincerely wish them the best life and the best love that the universe has to offer them. At a point in time, we laid together. cried together. shared souls & secrets. At a point in time, we were exactly what eachother needed and I appreciate being loved for as long as I was.

This is for my other masc-presenting women who have DM'd me with similar stories. We are still women, regardless of how it may look on the outside, you will not use my appearance as a justification for why you respond/react to me aggressively & then play victim when the energy is reciprocated.

Please, Leave. At the first sign of them raising their voice, putting their hands on you, or making you feel unsafe. No it won't change, No it won't get better. No you shouldn't "deal with it" because you're masculine.

Please, leave.

[poweredbystarlight]

The cars formed a stream of light across the Jacques Cartier bridge. On the south shore, streetlamps, houses, and other vehicles lit up the night with earthly constellations.

I used to think there was nothing more beautiful than a city at night. Now, so much of that light seems to reflect waste and loneliness. People chasing jobs, relationships, possessions, masking out the stars in hopes that they’ll finally do or create the one thing they’ve been waiting for, the one that finally makes them enough.

Were we always so concerned with being enough?

I fidgeted in my seat. The car felt like a cage. All this metal surrounding me, strapping me in tight. I wanted to rip off my seatbelt, open the door, and roll out onto the concrete street until my battered body gained the energy to run.

But I had nowhere to run to.

All I wanted was air against my skin and grass between my toes. I wanted to breath in deep and feel like I was a part of something. The manmade world was too lonely.

“People don’t know what to believe in anymore,” Simon said, his hands clutching the wheel. “We used to dedicate our lives to religion, but that doesn’t make sense in the modern world. The nuclear family’s falling apart. Our energy goes into making money, but that doesn’t fulfill us. We’re all kind of directionless.”

Would religion or family get rid of this tight feeling in my chest? I tried to project myself into those lives, but they felt just as alien as the others I’d been dancing through.

“We need something new to fight for,” he continued. “I don’t know what it will be. Maybe love.” He gave me a look, and I turned away. I didn’t want him to think I was his missing piece, the thing that would finally bring logic to his world.

I just wanted to go home, to be alone.

He dropped me off and waited for the door to close before driving away. I tiptoed upstairs to not wake my roommates sleeping behind curtain walls, and quietly undressed.

This was the closest thing I had to an oasis in the city. A grouping of people committed to sharing, to reclaiming their time, to creating something. But the sound of traffic still drifted through the windows, and our loft was being sold to a man who wanted to turn the building into condos. This connection was fleeting, and mostly financially driven. We could pretend to remove ourselves from the world, but it would sink its claws deep into us and pull us back in.

It always did.

Breath in, breath out. I brought myself to my happy place, where I could hear the wind blowing through the trees and the grass between my feet, where light emanated from the stars instead of streetlights.

Why did we need anything more to fight for? A star-studded sky would be enough.

Out of all the planets rotating around all the stars in the universe, out of all the unlikely conditions necessary to life, it had happened here. It was dense and connected and beautiful and cruel, and we were a part of it.

For a minute I got caught in the magic of that. It was so easy to get lost in the ambition and the to-do lists and then throw our hands up when none of that adds up to anything. But the world itself is the religion, the depth of life Simon bemoaned. How could you look around at the complex connections and continuity of life itself and not think this is enough?

A police siren blared and ravaged through my thoughts.

I turned over and drifted into a restless sleep amid the cacophony of the city, trying to recapture that feeling, but like the stars, it had been drowned out.

[krs724490]

11/4/2023

Hi. I realized there are more things I want you to understand about me. I think its easier for me to write because I dont miss any of the things I want to say. and I can better articulate what I mean. If I'm ever struggling to talk to you about something - give me 1 or 2 hours to write to you about it and then you'll have a solid idea of what's going on in my head.

There are 2 things I feel the need to explain out. The first is how "hippie" I am... the degree to which I am a hippie and am also not a hippie. and why I jokingly say I'm a little hippie-ish. and the 2nd is the whole eating disorder thing. I feel like I've alluded to these things, but haven't talked in depth about them. I dont expect you to respond in any certain way or to agree with me or to think like I do, I just want you to be aware. I want to do my due diligence with showing you who I am. and why I am the way I am.

So first on being a hippie. I dont know why I use the term hippie.. or sometimes I reference it as yoga philosophy. I suppose its just a way for the average person to know what I'm getting at. I've been in the yoga world since junior year of high school. It's really shaped who I am and over time I've chosen the stuff that resonates with me. Here is a general list of things I think/do/believe... these are the things I've found make me feel good and whole.

I like to pray. I dont think I'm praying to anything in particular, its more just throwing an idea out there. So for example, "Today I pray that I'm able to be centered and have balanced energy so that I can be attentive and kind to people at work." or.. "I pray that Graham and I are able to speak our minds tonight so that we can continue to understand each other better." I think of prayer as a way to set the tone for any day or situation. I close my eyes and put my hands together and just speak out a little bit of hope. and it helps.

In terms of believing in God or a higher power or any of this stuff. I think we've touched on this lightly, but here is what I've come to.. I think the universe is an intelligent place. The way its organized, the way life flows - the way you work through the bad and because you worked through it, that makes you feel good. and the way there is also bad in having too much good. The way our human bodies work the way they do.. its all so intelligent to me. So I suppose when I pray, I'm praying to the intelligence of this world. Acknowledging how insane it is that we're here and how I hope to spend my days embracing the insanity of how life goes. Life is a fun game to play. Even when you're in the thick of it, its like damn at least I get to be here and participate in this unreal place. Especially nature, at least I get to climb mountains and swim in oceans.

Every time I meditate or do yoga, I'm trying to center myself by reconnecting to "the witness" or "the calm, unchanging, energy that sits in the center." I know I've talked to you about this because this is what my new tattoo is referencing. Essentially saying that life changes all around us - people leave, we move, nothing is permanent. and a lot of times we get caught up in the changes, we twist and turn with them and we get all jumbled. the witness allows you to observe your life from a neutral place. Sitting in the wisdom that this too shall pass. Simple example - if you're in a bad mood, not getting caught in the bad mood, seeing it as a passing state. This is why I start my day with meditation, it connects me to the bigger picture. It centers me before the day takes me away and I inevitably get caught in the things of life. Also, an interesting thing I've come up with about being in a relationship - I would want someone to sit in the center with me as life fluctuates around both of us. and we remain centered together, witnessing it all. because we both know that life is hard and change is inevitable, but we are the steady thing that sits in the middle.

we are the stories we tell ourselves. if you tell yourself you're a sad boy who just went through a break up, you become exactly that. if I believe ___ to be true, it becomes my reality because my mind and my body react to the thought as if it is so. its all a self-fulfilling prophecy. I try to always look at the story I'm telling myself. For example, I couldve told myself the horror story that you're going on a trip with a female co-worker and are gonna hook up with her. In this case I would say, "this is the story I'm telling myself right now. this is the story that is bubbling up in my brain. it may not be true, but its the story I'm stuck on." It gives a way to acknowledge that we're human and our perception is our own personal reality but it may not actually be reality.

I dont know about crystals, and astrology, and tarot readers, but I do believe in the cheesy things like gratitude. I think gratitude lists can tip my energy in a positive direction. It feels nice to remember all the good things, big or small. I also do believe love conquers all. so cheesy!! I always want to act from a place of love. for example, if I'm going on a run because I hate my body, thats not acting from a place of love. I want my actions to come from a place of love. so always asking myself, is this coming from a place of love (for myself or for others)? or am I doing this for a negative reason?

[space-ship-earth-crew]

Creating Fellowship of Trek, is my way to “take the first step,” and have faith that huge things have small beginnings, and that this can turn into a worldwide movement, bringing us closer to the day of living in a United Earth in peace and prosperity, like imagined in Star Trek, where we all live long and prosper. 🖖🏽

Star Trek has infused into my very being, a love of starships; beautiful utopian cities flying through space where humans are united from a world at peace, poverty has been eliminated and all our energies fighting ourselves, have been freed up to explore the grandeur of the cosmos. 

The closest I can get to actually occupying these utopian ships, is to make videos, using special effects to place myself inside them. And I have already made 4 so far, where I express in each, my longing to experience for real what a starship represents; a vehicle from a future time where something even better than heaven is made manifest! 

Getting this group off the ground is complicated by my 29 year battle with chronic Lyme disease, that continues to get worse. No matter how much I try to separate myself from my illness, to try and project myself as the healthy and functional person the world expects to see, the more I realize my life and my illness are inseparable. And the more I feel attacked by this illness, as I get closer to what feels like my end, the more I try to fight back, seeking a healing breakthrough, while I rage, rage against the dying of the light! This fellowship of Trek, is my way of fighting back. It’s a bet I’ve made with the universe, with religious extremists on one side, telling me the reason I’m sick is because their God is punishing me for not believing their holy scriptures are true, and me on the other, telling them the universe is bigger than their petty divine tyrant.  

I have faith I will eventually connect with the healing I seek, to prove them wrong, but not in the same way Job in their Bible proved religious fanatics of his day wrong. I’m not going to engage in a God smack down the way my namesake “Elijah” did in the Old Testament.  I just want to tap into higher possibility for my breakthrough, beyond limits of any holy book and the God they described thousands of years ago, so I can be born again on secular terms, necessitating a new non Biblical name for myself. 

I can play the long game, because besides being tall, (6'8") I am the quality of person who can delay gratification and accept my lot, if it means that I’ll eventually be vindicated in the end, connecting with the love, beauty and endless possibilities of the cosmos I believe are available to all of us! For whatever reason I can’t, am stuck in this hell hole disease, unwittingly empowering religious fanatics who want to gloat over my death in this life and the next eternal hell to come, I am determined to disappoint and triumph over them through my healing journey. 

I know Star Trek’s timeline of the future imagines hell preceding heaven, just like Christianity and Islam! But the difference between secular science fiction and religion; there are no episodes of Star Trek sending curses or threats directed at fans who want to rewrite the Star Trek timeline with something better than nuclear war in 2026. And I don’t know of a single fan who wouldn’t rather build a future and a starship without the World War. 

I have never felt like I belong or could be accepted for who I am in a Christian church or a Muslim Mosque. And I have often been hurt and disturbed by people claiming to be Christian or Muslim, trying to evangelize to me, thinking their fundamentalist doomsday vision and demonization of opposition would somehow win me over to their side. 

I have never understood the appeal of western religion because of its track record attracting extremists, which has been a great obstacle to healing and source of anguish in my life, with me devoting much of my energy trying to make sense of the shadow side cast by religious extremists, so I can somehow transform them. 

I look across America from sea to shining sea, and I observe a land awash in churches, filled with a fellowship I can rarely relate to.  With Islam and Christianity dominating the religious landscape on Earth, while becoming a hotbed for religious extremism, is it any wonder that our political climate has become a toxic reflection of their incompatibility. Of course this isn’t true of progressive Christian’s and Progressive Muslims who truly understand love! Yet how often in the news, are we bombarded with stories of the extremists, bringing church and state perilously close to merging, as wars on terror threaten to spin out of control. All the animosity seems to feed a self fulfilling prophecy that convinces more faithful that the we are in the  “End Times” with the battle of Armageddon our fate. 

There’s a massive support system in the West and Middle East to win people around the world to Christ and convert unbelievers to Allah, but where is the support system to convert pessimists to optimism, create a Fellowship of Trek and work for a United Earth? There isn’t, which is why somebody has to build it. And because I don’t see anyone doing so, I want to try and get the ball rolling! 

Imagine a day when healing bridges become as plentiful as Christian churches in the West and Mosques in the Middle East! We are talking replica bridges from Federation starships in every major city and even in sleepy small country towns of the heartland, each bridge anchoring its crew to a particular community, providing a new secular humanist vision of our world that transcends religion, working to unite our differences through our collective common ground; we are all traveling through the galaxy on the same spaceship Earth, and it is time that we become United as its crew members. 

Healing starship bridges are the sanctuaries I long for to exist, so I can find my bridge family that transcends biology, create community, work for something I’m passionate about and believe in, while having an eternal home of rest at the conclusion of my life, that will carry what’s left of my spirit into the future, propelled by my hope that I can play a small part in humanity’s salvation, while my digital creative signature combined with many others, may contribute to the evolution of intelligence on Earth that could eventually grow over millions or billions of years, to become more powerful than any God ever illustrated in any Holy Book. 

This is the most striking difference between secular humanists and theists. For a Christian or Muslim, God is our source which had its birth in the past as Adam and Eve. For a secular humanist, power beyond the ancient Gods is in the future, achieved by evolution through technological mastery, which is the idea to be embodied in healing bridges. 

Benevolent artificial intelligence at the service of humanism, has been a staple of Star Trek from its very beginning. Embodiment of this philosophy can be found in the character of Data from the next generation, whose innocence and wonder inspires his fellow crew members to become better humans. 

With the advancement of computers and AI, leading to bold pronouncements that we are not far from Data becoming a reality, the only obstacle seems to be from dire warnings, coming from those about what could go wrong, if AI is not guided by humanist ends. To whatever fate our technology will lead, there is no question that we are truly experiencing something extraordinary in human history, and I have seen glimpses of it on the Midjourney forums, with endless creativity and beauty springing from machine minds, trained by human prompts and our digital data. (Example rainforest photo below) And the endless power of Midjourney AI is available to any human on Earth, able to run similar AI programs on a simple home computer with a powerful graphics card. 

In Star Trek, every starship bridge hosts an AI assistant, helping its crew connect with a level of intelligence beyond their own. With the democratizing power of AI computer technology now available to the masses, every healing bridge could be installed with a central computer running the latest AI assistant, and administered by a designated bridge engineer. 

Besides serving community functions churches and Mosques have been known for, such as performing weddings and funerals, healing bridges could be a place where digital legacies of deceased members, could also find sanctuary. Upon approval in their will, all digital data from their life could be stored in the bridge computer, serving as a place for remembrance; a digital memorial to embody their hope; that their life served a purpose greater than themself towards building a united Earth. 

Their data could also be utilized as training tool for the bridge AI, potentially leading to the creation of an android in the future, with a unique personality, reflecting all the individual personalities that trained it with their data. The hope for our humanity is that we will someday reach a destiny like in Star Trek; where we travel the stars and have help from intelligent machines. And after millions or perhaps billions of years of human evolution, we will either have seen ourselves merge with our machines or eclipsed by them long ago. And this new life will continue evolving and gaining power of intelligence, that will someday see it become more powerful and wise beyond any God ever worshiped in humanity’s past. 

This is what I hope to find in a resting place before I am gone, so my digital data and perhaps a DNA sample can serve a purpose beyond my life. Even though I am a flawed and broken human that hasn’t been able to heal, because I was born at the wrong time, without doctors in 24th century starships that can treat me, at least I could find solace in knowing that my broken life, could contribute to building a whole and sound future mind. This future mind could someday look back at what’s left from mine, (in the form of digital data) as a component that contributed to the training of its AI, which given enough millions of years to evolve, could eventually become a being more powerful than any God. 

If there is any hope of a resurrection comparable to what the religious have faith in, this is where I believe it will be found; with an evolved super-intelligence in the future, created over time by lesser beings using technology. Some day it will evolve beyond its programming, connecting to the very foundation of all matter in the universe, rewinding the cosmos the way we might play a record backwards, remembering you, me and countless lives long past, eventually to be restored inside something like a holodeck that was first imagined in Star Trek. This is the only place where cosmic justice could be possible, while at the same time compatible with the part of our brain connected to reality at the most intimate level, leading to our skepticism that paints a more complete picture, performing science and imagining a brighter future through science fiction. 

I am fascinated by the power of dreams to shape reality and make us look forward to the future. I have already been the beneficiary to the imagination of millions of humans past, whose dreams shaped our present reality, making life better for me and countless others. Nobody has turned this particular dream to reality yet, that can make life better, so I must do what I can to find out how it can be done!