#i better not be getting asks about some pro life bs i will be ignoring them if i do.

[bigskydreaming]

And to clarify my clarifications further, because I know I’m gonna end up reblogging that post about my Official Stance On Jason’s Murdering and Also How To Like a Character for Being A Good Example of Being a ‘Bad Survivor' and Not Because You View Them As Good At Societal Reform....

In a nutshell, I have complicated thoughts on stories where Jason kills people on the basis they’re unrepentantly committed to wide-scale actions that negatively impact tons of people and he feels society/the justice system will never punish them due to privilege or institutional corruption, etc. Because I think there’s potential worth exploring in those stories IN THEORY, though I don’t think I’ve ever felt stories explored these ideas in ways that are novel or interesting rather than cliche and essentially just revenge fantasy fulfillment.  

That said, this does not in any way translate into being pro-extrajudicial murder in real life, for similar though not identical reasons to why I’m not pro-vigilantism in real life in general.

This is one of those things where I’m like, people have ruined ‘fiction isn’t reality’ as a phrase and I refuse to use it because it lacks nuance and is a performative soundbite....BUT that doesn’t mean that fiction can’t still be used to explore concepts in ways reality can’t duplicate.

For me, the big sticking point is being able to point to WHAT fiction is letting you do that you can’t replicate in reality. Fiction IMO shouldn’t be a catch-all that lets you just spew out any idea or fantasy and essentially platform any thought you’ve ever had while shielding it with some ‘its not real so its exempt from any reactive or critical thought it brings forth in people who see it’ BS. That’s a non-starter with me because it ignores that thoughts, views, ideas and ideologies are all real things that have real effects on people who encounter them, so fuck off forever with trying to dodge accountability from the simple reaction of people encountering a thought/idea/ideology and saying questions, comments and criticisms, we have them.

But what fiction CAN do, when you have a specific REASON for doing something in fiction that you know can’t work that way in reality, without being afraid to just fucking own what you’re doing with that fictional narrative and why.....

Is it allows you to explore various ideas or scenarios or let them play out in ways or to degrees that wouldn’t be possible in reality....because so much in reality is outside of peoples’ control. We can’t ensure that various factors all align or cumulate in the specific ways we need to reach the endpoint that’s the entire reason we started a scenario in the first place.

With fiction though, we CAN line up the dominoes in the right way, steer the narrative down the right channels to get things to a place where we can address the things or ask the questions we started a narrative TO explore.

Its like that one post I made about child heroes, for those who’ve read that. Never in a million years am I going to encourage kids to go out and fight crime or be burdened with the pressure of saving the whole damn world like the protagonist of the average YA novel. But child hero narratives absolutely have validity, because there’s a lot of worthwhile ideas and themes worth exploring in power fantasies for children and young adults, where they can see themselves centered in high stakes situations where they have the power to save themselves or affect real change without having to rely on adults in their lives to do it for them. 

A child hero narrative isn’t a how-to manual encouraging say, an abused kid on how to escape their circumstances and leapfrog their way into having actionable power to better their own life. But it can help mentally or emotionally fortify them WHILE they wait or look for ways for their actual circumstances to change. AND at the same time, it can also help them explore via proxy, the ways they COULD use the increased power and agency they might someday have, in order to get certain outcomes, or to see how various problems or fallout might arise from using that power/agency in negative ways. And per my example of an abused kid using fiction for escapism from their own currently victimizing circumstances.....just speaking for myself, a kid in circumstances like that might absolutely be lacking the kind of parental figures that ideally should be present to help them learn how to make good decisions or navigate complicated situations as they grow older. And while fiction shouldn’t HAVE to be a substitute for adults able to give kids personal attention and guidance towards growing up to be a responsible, empathetic adult who makes good choices and weighs the potential effect their choices have on others....it can at least always be a good supplement, and sometimes it actually is the only thing kids have to rely on.

So from that angle, and plenty others, child hero narratives absolutely have validity and contribute meaningful things to even child readers who one hundred percent should not be encouraged to ever put on a cape and appoint themselves the neighborhood watch.

The kind of questions some of Jason’s narratives could be used to explore, even though they never really are, similarly have potential IMO, and that’s why I hold back from being like ‘extra-judicial murder is never valid and thus Jason’s character is A Literal Bad Guy for engaging in it’. Because this is one of the areas where I think used with intent, fiction can present thought-provoking or morality-examining questions that can’t actually play out in reality.

I’m hardcore ‘no extra-judicial murder’ in real life, and firmly against the death penalty, but not because I believe that there’s no human being out there, no crime that can be committed, that doesn’t deserve death. Sorry not sorry, but unrepentant mass murderers, serial rapists, etc, people who have full awareness of what they’re doing and the harm they’re causing others, absolutely have the means, resources or privilege to make other choices and still do the things they do not out of necessity but out of want, who commit their crimes not because they’re unaware of their impact on others but because that impact absolutely is the whole point of their crimes for them, who have had abundant opportunities to change or reform but dismissed them time after time because they flat out don’t want to change.....hypothetically, yeah, they can fuck right off to hell, as far as I’m concerned. 

The value of that kind of person’s life will never IMO rise to the level of the value of all the lives they destroy with intent, who will never have the opportunity to make better use of the same kinds of power/resources/privilege they themselves abuse and exploit over others, all because they’ve used those things specifically to ensure their victims never get similar opportunities, or significantly hijack or derail their lives before they get a chance to. My bleeding heart does not extend to people who have already voluntarily chosen to sit back and watch while a person bleeds out in front of them, from wounds they inflicted. Its extended to their victim instead, and I truly do believe that many of the people who end up in the latter position would never be victimized if more of the people in the former position did face something like the death penalty after their first several victims instead of a dozen in.

But that’s just a hypothetical for me. The reason I’ll never support the actuality of the death penalty is there is flat out no way to be sure, in 99% of situations, of the actual culpability, motivations, or possible rehabilitation of the people actually faced with the death penalty. And given the institutional biases and the nature of most of our societies, and the way they’re largely set up by people in power rigging the systems they themselves help install and shape in ways quite literally intended to cover their own asses and allow for them and those of like-minds to continue exploiting or victimizing others their entire lives while setting up marginalized or disenfranchised people as scapegoats that societies are usually all too willing to accept as the True Face of Crime in their stead, given that the very nature of marginalization and disenfranchisement speaks to how selective society can be in applying personhood and empathy in the first place....

Well, duh. Obviously a disproportionate number of people who have not done anything to deserve the death penalty are gonna end up the victims of it while untold scores of people who have deliberately victimized people in the hundreds or thousands will never so much as get a slap on the wrist all because their address is a penthouse while the average victim of the death penalty hails from a low income, predominantly marginalized neighborhood.

Except, of course, its not actually that obvious to a lot of people, considering that the vast majority of Criminals in Fiction and the real life prison populations they reflect....tend to be blue-collar POC waaaay more often than they are white-collar white people.

So no real life death penalty is getting my vote. Not when there’s no way to ever be sure its applied to those truly culpable, and only those, with no actual innocents statistically sacrificed on the altar of the societal greater good. And not when additionally, the state appointed judge, juries and executioners determining both the greater good and who society needs to sacrifice for said greater good.....are y’know, all picked and appointed according to the rules and guidelines set in place by many of the same people in power looking to scapegoat others in order to cover their own asses and divert society’s focus away from their own crimes and victimizations of others. And thus, uh, they’re not picked because they inherently are the best moral barometers of society and what it needs, or even because they’re truly and accurately representative of society as a whole, but rather they tend to actually end up in the position to play judge, jury and/or executioner quite literally because its expected they’ll make their judgments in accordance with what those in power want or are hoping for, rather than according to the actual spirit of a Justice that isn’t completely arbitrary and self-defined.

The death penalty as a consequence for people who destroy lives on a huge scale, over and over without remorse, is one of those things that makes sense to me as a hypothetical, but that I understand just isn’t possible to implement as a real, actionable thing in any way I would accept and wouldn’t have reservations about.

But like I said, this is one of the times and ways fiction as a departure point from reality can be used, with intent, to explore stories of accountability, consequences, and the way these things play out on both an individual and societal level.....because fiction is completely defined by an author and their intent. In fiction, a writer can present scenarios where there is zero doubt that the perpetrator of a particular crime, however heinous, is one hundred percent guilty and did it of their own free will, has no remorse and absolutely intends to do it again, etc.

Because the writer has full control of what information readers do and don’t have about a situation or a character, they absolutely can craft scenarios where there is no narrative doubt that hey, this dude did the thing. Its not even in question. The only thing in question then, is the thing that I’ve expressed would sometimes have a different answer if it were possible for that to be the only question, with no question as to their actual guilt: what happens next.

And that distinction can make all the difference in a story, or when expanding on a certain topic. Its the difference between something that’s a non-starter in real life becoming a useful thought experiment in the realm of fiction. Where suddenly it can be used to raise and explore all kinds of different questions like:

How do people in-story and out-of-story react to a vigilante who applies extra-judicial murder to criminals he targets.....when those criminals don’t look anything like society-as-a-whole assumes from the outset? When his targets aren’t the ‘expected’ drug dealers or addicts, marginalized low income men who look like they expect rapists or violent murderers to look....but instead are CEOs who’ve paid off a dozen different women they’ve assaulted over the years and are still doing it like clockwork? A senator who got away with a hate crime in college because the all white jury judged it a youthful indiscretion when he was drunk and didn’t want to ruin the life of a young man with such a promising future, but who since then has gone on to back white supremacy groups and craft legislation that further marginalizes people of color all while using his connections and political capital to smooth over the crimes of his ‘constituents’ while demonizing and scapegoating black men in their stead? Etc, etc.

With fiction, with the guilt of said vigilante’s targets actually assured instead of a troubling question that can’t ever be indisputably put to rest.....instead, here we can use that as a springboard to examine what happens after....does finding out the reasons for why the vigilante went after these individuals in particular change how people in-story and out-of-story view that vigilante and his own actions? Do those who view him as bloodthirsty and morally wrong do so regardless of who he targets and the low likelihood they would ever be punished for their crimes by the actual institutions they hold so much power and sway over themselves.....or do some of them show awareness of the system’s existing biases and seem more entrenched in defending it and how people have to trust in the system and not go outside it because they’re concerned that changing it might make it less effective at covering their asses for their own misdeeds or shortcomings?

Do those who praise said vigilante and his actions seem to support him primarily because he’s ensuring accountability for people the system has failed to protect society from, or does it seem they’re more just enchanted by his seeming fulfillment of their own personal revenge fantasies, letting them see various bosses, politicians, people who’ve exploited or lorded power over them be the ones running scared and enjoying the view of those in positions of power cowering like they’ve so often made others?

Does the deliberate juxtaposition of these things, the narrative raising these things as questions in the narrative, change any readers’ personal stances towards the vigilante and his actions? 

Do some of the pro-vigilante readers start to second-guess themselves, ask whether they’re really sure their enjoyment of the narrative and defense of this character IS rooted in a fairer application of justice, or whether they might just be finding empowerment in the disempowerment of others and justifying it as ‘well as long as its the right people’? If the latter, is this something they’re actually okay with, or does it raise questions of its own, as to whether secondhand enjoyment of others’ disempowerment is ever truly valid or always just a stepping stone to making excuses to enjoy the disempowerment of anyone positioned to have less power than they themselves?

Do some of the anti-vigilante readers encounter things within the narrative that spark questions about their stances? Does it ever confront them to acknowledge whether they’re projecting more onto the vigilante’s direct victims than the victims of his victims, the ones he’s seeking justice/revenge on behalf of? Are their judgments of his actions and morality truly a reflection of their own supposedly neutral perspective, or are they predisposed to be more defensive about one group within the narrative than others? Are they more uncomfortable with the fate of the vigilante’s targets than whatever the narrative reveals the fate of these characters’ various victims to be, because they just can’t justify extra-judicial punishments and say well it was still up to the system to punish them, no one else - even if that meant they likely would never face real consequences.....or is their insistence on adhering to the system’s take, even knowing that it would likely enact no consequences and thus no real justice for the targets’ initial victims, because it just feels like this isn’t real justice, isn’t natural, just isn’t the way things should be done?

And if the latter, does that ever prompt anyone to examine what it suggests that they’re more willing to defend a status quo even once proven unfair and completely useless in some cases....than they’re willing to defend consequences for criminals the status quo refuses to ever hold accountable, not if that means actually challenging the status quo and suggesting it be changed into something new and unfamiliar, with no idea whether it’d be better or worse for them as individuals?

Can stories whose premise has a vigilante side-step an in-story legal system, built as it is on the biases and skewed tendencies of an out-of-story legal system, and applying capital consequences specifically to criminals who parallel those that readers and characters implicitly assume will never be faced with those kinds of consequences.....and with the narrative assuring readers of the actual guilt of those characters....thereby effectively raising questions about how much we ‘let certain people in society get away with’ versus how okay we are with ‘throwing the book at certain people in society’ for far less actionable harm to far fewer people? And how much of this might be rooted in readers’ own biases, readers’ own projections and which characters they personally relate to or identify with most…how much of this is readers just assuming or accepting that the difference in the ‘two groups of criminals’ and how people and the system react to them, is like, just the way things are and they’ve never put too much thought into any alternatives because they’ve never truly spent any time contemplating a different status quo, or what society might look like if one group’s lack of accountability and the other group’s scapegoating weren’t so guaranteed?

With fiction.....you can explore all these questions and more (regardless of how much readers are willing to entertain this narrative and y’know, actually engage in honest reflection of whatever questions you’re aiming to raise), even if, like me, in real life you’re never gonna vote yes on the death penalty let alone morally sign off on extra-judicial murder-by-vigilantes.....because in real life, unlike fiction, there is no way to ensure the consequences only get applied to people you think actually deserve them.

And that right there is another question....what is the line, for you, if the question of whether a person actually committed the crime is taken off the table completely? Do you even know where exactly it lies for you - because honestly, the reason I’ve been so vague and ambivalent throughout this post about who this hypothetical vigilante kills and why is because I do not actually have a clear idea of what I would even consider to be a crime definitively deserving death, even if I am clear on the fact that if questions of guilt and institutional bias can be removed from the equation, I do think that yes there are crimes - or at least degrees or scales of crimes - that can justify a criminal’s death? So apparently we can jot that down as one of the questions I’d read stories like this to explore if I felt any of the stories about extra-judicial murder-by-vigilante were actually interested in exploring questions of morality and accountability rather than just building bad-ass street cred by way of arguably sympathetic/justifiable body counts:

What actually is the point at which we see the inherent value of a human life as no longer outweighing the value of the harm/damage a person does to others, with their own lives’ value and worth taken into consideration? Can we truly be said to value the lives of all a person’s victims, if we know that they killed and traumatized these victims with total disregard for the value of their lives....or does that inherently position us as actionably treating their victimizer’s life as having more value?

Of course.....none of this really matters except in theory, if like, the stories never actually apply similar consideration or try to examine big picture questions.

And my own feelings about Jason, his stories, tropes, and potential aside....I will get a rolled up newspaper and smack the nose of the first Jason stan to try to insist canon Jason ‘the greatest blight plaguing society today is the neighborhood drug dealer who is definitely never disenfranchised/marginalized/driven to crime by necessity or desperation, just Evil and Deserving of Murder’ Todd is actually nuanced in any of the ways this post wishes he was.

But the fact that writers haven’t used him this way doesn’t mean that the potential isn’t there, and well, anyone familiar with how intensely I stan two-line characters on the basis of But The Potential knows that’s more than enough for me, lmfao.

Like, all of this might not be present in his canon or a lot of fandom reaction/building upon his canon, but the capacity for all of it is there in his stories, history, and tropes.

Its Schrodinger’s Stories: both there and not there, at least until someone writes him that way or doesn’t, with far more of the latter than the former but both still existing in the as-yet-unwritten chapters of every new arc or story starring him.

So I’m not like....self-deluded or in denial about Jason-as-is or the way he and his extra-judicial murder marathons are actually written, buuuuuut because I’m pedantic as fuck and always keenly aware of whatever whole big qualifier exists in my head as a footnote every time I round-down to a generalized statement or reference about a character or trope......

This is the qualifier that exists for why I’m ambivalent or vague about not definitively wanting to say Jason and murder always equals bad. Its like, yes, true, it does, but like, it doesn’t have to, there is stuff that could be done with the set-up already given us.

It just....hasn’t been tapped.

Anyway. So this has been a post. A post was had. My thoughts on Jason and extra-judicial murder: Here. Have them!

[etherea1ity]

just thought I'd share this here too, please stay safe you guys </3

here's the link to the tweet, there's more information about this in the replies, please read them <3

edit: DO NOT USE DUCKDUCKGO, IT SHARES UR INFO !!

edit # 2: trust DuckDuckGo, don't trust DuckDuckGo, completely upto you, y'all are missing the actual point of this post. stay safe

[musette22]

Hi Minnie! First of all, thank you for being so sweet, reasonable and respectful, I can't even describe how much joy your blog gives me! You are a true pro in emotional support for Evanstan fandom, so I guess I kinda need some reassurance. [1]

The thing is, as you probably know, some Seb stans on Twitter take the whole Chris insta situation and turn it into smth embarassing, like making fun of Seb and Mackie ignoring Chris and calling the idea of the challenge stupid (even though Chris did donate, not just "asked fans for money", as they say). It's like they feel the need to attack the first before smb calls they fav out. [2]

I know there ARE good people in Seb fandom, it's just that the aggressive ones are so loud and spread their bs so fast, I end up seeing it on my TL. No matter how stupid it sounds, it keeps making me sad to see so much hate towards Chris and his fans not from some random locals but from Seb stans. It's like two halves of my heart are torn apart. Not even ship-wise, it just seems so hard to love them both and be present on twitter these days. [3]

And, since I'm whiney af today, one more twitter thing: the CW promo era was some kind of honeymoon for us, sure, but I've recently seen some opinions on how Chris was all lovey-dovey and Seb was stiff and bored and uncomfortable, how their interviews were unnatural and boring. I mean, in my part of fandom (non-English speaking country) there has always been a popular perception of boys' dynamic as these "over-excited puppy playing around a confused cat" vids, if you know what I mean. [4]

But it kinda seemed ok for me, and the way they acted a little awkward around each other etc. Well, you can tell I'm easily affected cause now it does feel more negative to me. Stuuupid, I know. Maybe it's my "let's feel sorry for Chris and his fans" phase, idk. Sorry for bringing it here, you just seem to reassure people so well. [5 and last, it was long lol]

Hello my lovely!! This was indeed long hahaha but that’s totally fine, I myself am also someone who also has trouble keeping things short to I feel you 😘 

This is a very long reply so I’m putting it under the cut so I don’t clog up people’s dashes!

Okay so first of all, let me say I was never a fan of Twitter, but everything I’ve heard lately has just lowered my opinion of it even further. I know there’s a lot of amazing stuff and brilliant folks on there as well, but it also seems to be where all the bitchy, hateful, entitled and inappropriate people congregate. So personally, I’m very happy with my little community on Tumblr when it comes to fandom, and for news and social media I prefer actual news outlets and instagram. The sad truth is that there are a lot of harmful and hateful opinions in the world, and as someone who struggles with anxiety, I try to find ways to avoid a lot of it. Especially the stuff I can’t do anything about (you can try to reason with most haters until you’re blue in the face, and 90% of the time it’s not going to make an ounce of difference). It’s much easier to curate your own experiences on platforms like Tumblr and even Instagram than it is on Twitter, or so I’ve gathered. So I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of helpful advice for you there apart from ‘maybe try and stay away from Twitter if you can’ which you probably don’t really want either...

As for the whole Seb vs Chris issue: it’s clearly completely ridiculous. There is no ground whatsoever to believe they’re at odds. At worst, they’re now just casual work friends, but there is no reason to believe there’s any bad blood. It’s interesting to consider that initially, the argument seemed to be they had fallen out and both disliked each other (no idea where that came from but sure), then it was that Chris didn’t like Sebastian (because he allegedly shaded him when he joked that Scarjo was the only one of his friends who came to see Lobby Hero), and then Chris got Instagram and tagged and followed Seb, but because Seb hasn’t responded to the challenge yet, he now apparently hates Chris. For what reason, god only knows, because only last year at MCM London (where I was present myself) Sebastian gushed about Chris and his experiences with him while filming the Cap movies, and lets not forget it was him who initiated the hug at the Endgame premiere. Long story short: they don’t dislike each other. They’re completely fine, people just like to make up drama for whatever reason.   

As for the Sebastian stans who hate Chris and vice vera: to be honest, I wasn’t even really aware it was an issue until recently, because I was under the naive impression that it was kind of impossible to love one but hate the other. Both of them are such amiable, sweet, thoughtful, funny, talented guys, and everyone who actually knows them adores them, so why on earth anyone could hate either of them is beyond me. But even if you do, I genuinely don’t understand this need to pit them against each other? Why? I think a lot of it is down to people just liking drama, or being actual 12 year-olds who still see the world in a kind of high school dynamic-way. I’m not saying Chris and Sebastian have never done anything wrong, but in my opinion, none of it warrants outright hate or being cancelled over. It’s such an immature and unreasonable take. I’m just sorry for the people who can’t love both of them, because man, are they missing out! I understand that it’s painful for you to see all those opinions when you love both of them so much, but that’s why I try to just avoid them. I know they exist, but not seeing them makes dealing with it a whole lot easier, I promise! ❤️

With regard to the challenge itself: if the celebrities who are taking part in it are not donating themselves, then yeah, that would be problematic. However, we know that Chris donates to a ton of different charities, so there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s donated to this cause as well. Asking people to buy tickets to try and win this “prize” is not in itself an issue, if you ask me. People can think for themselves, can’t they? If they think it’s worth it, they think it’s worth it. They’re not being forced to part with their money, and moreover said money is being used to help people in need. Of course fake and problematic charities exist, but there are still good ones out there as well, so let’s assume for the moment this one is actually doing all of this from a genuine desire to help people and it’s not some money grabbing scheme.

Furthermore, as I’ve said so many times before, I really don’t believe Sebastian and Mackie are “ignoring” Chris. If they’re choosing not to do the challenge (they still might do it at some point) then I’m sure they have a good reason for that and it isn’t that they’re holding a grudge and are thinking “screw this charity and that Chris Evans, I’m going to ghost him to get my revenge!” I mean, do these people even realize how ridiculous that sounds 🙄 I also believe they would have let Chris know about their decision privately. They do have each other’s phone numbers, you know... 

And lastly, about the CW press tour... I don’t know what footage these people have been watching to come to such conclusions, or what’s wrong with their eyes and ears, but that makes NO sense to me. I’ll tell you what; it was mostly the footage from the CW press tour that got me convinced there was something going in between the two of them! Both Chris and Sebastian acted in a way that screamed “smitten kittens” to me, and if there was ever any “stiffness” from Sebastian’s side, then that was no doubt just his slightly more reserved personality compared to Chris and Mackie’s. Chris and Sebastian’s videos together give me LIFE, so for anyone to call them boring is actually kind of insulting lol. To me, almost every interaction Chris and Seb had during that press tour showed that they were either low-key (in a friendship way) or high-key (in a romantic way) crushing on each other, and they clearly admire each other very much. Any awkwardness I’ve ever seen between them for me seemed to stem from that crush (is anyone not at least a little awkward around their crush sometimes?) and not from any dislike from either side. That’s actually such a ridiculous idea to me that it doesn’t even make me worried, it just makes me laugh. Some people really don’t have eyes, it seems. 

Anyway, that was a reeeeeeaaaaaallllyyyyy long reply lmao, I’m sorry! I hope this helps a little though, because I do know how shitty it is to feel like you do about things that are supposed to make you happy!! Tuning out the haters and focusing on people who feel the same way you do in my experience is the best way to get to feeling good again 🥰 Big hug, and hopefully you’ll feel better soon!

[threewaysdivided]

I saw your conversation about Sam Manson. I was talking to Imekitty about this, but I’ve noticed a few things that (sort of) make Sam’s relationship with her parents seem more like teen-drama than actual hardship. If you look closely, she’s got a lot in common with them: outspoken political-activism, possible shared-interest in vintage clothes, and no shame in saying they don’t like certain people. Also, after the Fentons, they were the first to volunteer to use the Ecto-Skeleton, risks and all.

(In reference to this post.)

It’s been a little while since I rewatched DP so I’m not well-placed to do a detail-analysis implication-breakdown right now, but yeah - that fits with the overall impression I remember getting.  To me they came across as being sort of old fashioned set-in-their-ways conservative and snooty, and maybe a bit too Pleasantville -  but more often in the way of parents who do genuinely want good things for her and to be able to be proud of her despite not really understanding her interests, choices or friends and being very bad at expressing it.  Plus she seems to have her grandmother fully in her corner a lot of the time.

I really wish that the writers had committed to one or the other; either making it clear that Sam’s martyr/ persecution complex is mostly just regular self-inflicted teen-drama BS and giving her an arc addressing it, OR fleshing out the idea that she faces a lot of judgement/ pressure/ control/ nonacceptance in her home life and that her negative traits are a bi-product of defensive/ coping mechanisms resulting from that strained dynamic, rather treating things with Roger Rabbit Rules.  

(Which isn’t to say that a person can’t have similar interests/ personality traits to, and positive interactions with, their parents while still having a strained, broken or even abusive relationship with them on a deeper level, but the show never really goes hard enough in either direction to make it work.)

As mentioned the last post, this is kind of a consistent pattern across DP - the writers tend go with the low-effort first answer for whatever is Funny or Awesome or Convenient in the moment rather than putting in the work to find a solution that’s consistent with the characterisation, themes and world-lore overall.  There’s enough internal contradiction in the show that I don’t think it’s actually possible to take every canon detail as canon without fundamentally breaking things.  And in some ways that’s kind of cool; it makes the series more open to interpretation, and trying to distinguish authorial intent from authorial incompetence and come up with theories that account for as many pieces of canon as possible is really satisfying.  But, you know, it’s also kind of bad writing in general.

I think the thing that bothers me about Sam’s characterisation in particular is that - where it tends to be more obviously out-of-character when it shows up in other places - there’s a pattern to the inconsistency with how the writers handle Sam:

Throughout the series there’s a double standard in how Sam sees herself/ seems to expects others to act, compared to her own behaviour:

Despite being pro-pacifism she’s okay with smacking Tucker and encouraging Danny to destroy the trucks she doesn’t like

Sam values self-expression and is a feminist, but derides other girls for wanting to express themselves in a conventionally feminine way

Sam doesn’t like being forced to conform to others’ values but is okay with forcing others to conform to hers

Despite being anti-consumerist she shows very little discomfort at, or awareness of, her lavish home life and material belongings

She encourages Danny to take the moral high ground towards his bullies but has no problem antagonising and getting into petty verbal spats with Paulina herself

Sam stalks Danny and his love interest out of jealousy/ protectiveness but threatens to end their friendship when he does the same

In Mystery Meat, when Danny tries to express his discomfort/ anxiety, Sam hijacks the conversation to complain about her own parents instead of listening.

In One of a Kind Sam photographs Danny and Tucker hugging in their sleep, without their knowledge, with the stated intent of putting it in the yearbook, then uses it to blackmail them into silence. 

Side note: this joke is also tacky on a meta-level because it boils down to “male intimacy ha ha toxic masculinity no homo amiright?“ Would have been nice if show didn’t use low-key sexist humour as much as it did.

Instead of expressing that she’s hurt by Danny’s “pretty girls” comment in Parental Bonding, Sam retaliates by pushing him to ask Paulina out - a move she knows will most likely result in him getting publicly shut down and humiliated.

Then, after getting the result she wanted, she comes over to gloat and insults Paulina, rather than dropping it now that her point’s been made, which is what ultimately sets off the episode’s subplot.

In Memory Blank Sam permanently physically alters Phantom’s appearance to better suit her tastes while he’s not in a position to understand or give informed consent, then lies when Danny notices and asks about it later.

To be clear this definitely isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of her character and it’s not there 100% of the time - there are plenty of moments when she is loyal and generous and helpful and sincerely kind and where her stubbornness comes in handy.  But it’s the aggregate pattern of all these small instances that drives a crack through the foundation of her character integrity; producing this insidious undercurrent alternate-reading of Sam as someone who, at a deep level, just doesn’t respect or recognise that the emotional needs, pains, opinions, autonomy and boundaries of others are as real and valid as her own, and who responds to criticism with passive-aggressive hostility.

Again, I think that’s why people are so quick to point out that line from Phantom Planet, even though we all know the episode was a complete mess.  None of the examples above are particularly bad in isolation - you can’t really point at any one of them and say “oh no, bad girl” without sounding like you’re making a mountain out of molehill and irrationally hating on her just to hate on her.  It’s an uncomfortable slowburn pattern of subtle micro-transgressions that accumulates across the series - a “you might not notice it but your brain did”.  And it makes sense that it would be the worst-written episode that amplifies and brings that regular bad-writing undercurrent close enough to the surface for people to consciously recognise and use it to articulate those frustrations.

To wit: Not because it’s most telling of her character but because it’s most telling of the specific bad writing that regularly hurts her character. 

And again, from a storytelling point of view, it’s okay for Sam to have flaws.  She’s a teenager!  She’s learning.  She’s allowed to be egocentric and self-important and do things that aren’t the best at times.  It’s okay if these are her character weaknesses and a source of conflict with the rest of the cast.  But again, for that to be satisfying something really should have come of it.  It would have been nice if the writers were willing to have any self-awareness about these flaws being flaws that a person should recognise and grow past in order to have healthy relationships with others.  But they didn’t - because it’s easier to keep her as she is - to the point that they’ll actively bend the narrative to roll back or skip over moments that would have necessitated that growth.  So, even though they call attention to her flaws, the writers end up rewarding and enabling them instead of letting her learn.

And again, this isn’t meant to hate on Sam.  Hanlon’s Razor in full effect: it’s clearly a result of authorial/editorial incompetence rather than deliberate malice.  I know this isn’t the intended interpretation.

My preferred reading of Sam Manson is that she’s a Rosa Hubermann/ Hermione Granger/ YJS1 Artemis Crock-type character.  Someone who’s passionate and forceful and maybe a bit abrasive and hard to love at a glance, but whose core nature is compassionate and sincerely kind and loyal-to-the-death for the people they value.  I wish I could 100% like her without caveats; to be able to say that even if I don’t agree with her flaws I can at least understand that they’re a valid product of the life she lives, that they make her who she is and that she’s trying her best to be a good person who will get better despite them.  

But I can’t because the writers don’t give her that.  They’re always prioritising other things over the integrity of her character.  They don’t give her background enough time and context to make her negative traits feel resonant with it (because that would take time away from the Wicked Cool Radical Ghost-Fighting Superhero Action™) and the framing and plotting doesn’t give her chances to recognise or grow past them (because that would mean character development and those negative traits are an easy source of cheap conflict).  The writers just don’t seem to care all that much about Sam - her actual character, who she is, how she came to be that way, what she wants or how her negative traits would actually play against Danny and the others.

And that sucks.  Because she has a lot of potential to be a well-rounded and great character.  I’ve seen plenty of fics that seize that potential and roll with those gaps and the result is very good.  I wish I could like her canon depiction without feeling like I have to actively ignore a bunch of latent behavioural red flags as the price of entry.

She deserved better.

[pensurfing]

Tearing Down Other Illustrators Does Not Make You A Better Illustrator.

The title says it all. But you’d be surprised how many mutuals I have that just get a sick kick out of “giving critiques that destroy a person’s whole being” simply because “it happened to them”. 

[[Jesus where to begin where to begin? Maybe disclaimers? Sure. At some point in the post, it will go from my calm, cool, collected tone to “I will cut a bitch’s throat”. If it hurts your feelings then that means the kitchen is too hot for you (probably because you do said nonsense) and now you gotta leave. Go sit, cool off, and then maybe try again. Probably when you’re a better person.]]

Let’s take it back to school:

In school, I failed at being a girl: mainly because I just failed to do ‘girl code’ things because I questioned it a LOT. Some girl code things make sense mind you, but not all of it. One of the girl codes that I questioned was “why are we being mean to the other girl if she didn’t DO anything and especially if she didn’t do anything to you?” Bam. The new target, me. It wasn’t anything I was ashamed about, I just don’t see the need of tearing someone down because they sit outside of your normal. Basically, the undertone of this experience is this: As a girl, if you made fun of other girls, it somehow magically made you prettier and more desired by your crush.” But you learn in grade school that this is not the case, and you especially learn in high school that this made you “a bitch”. Now fast forward a bit, looking back as an adult what were you supposed to learn from this? Girls pick on other girls usually when whatever little power they have is being challenged. Girls can also pick on other girls simply because they find the other girl pretty as well and this causes yet another inferiority complex. It will usually continue for a while simply because no one wants to question the ‘status quo’. 

Why did I bring all of this into play?

As an illustrator, there is such a thing as a genuinely great critique. Great critique states things APPRECIATED about the piece; things that can be better about the piece; and solutions to the piece that the then illustrator can then either use as advice or just take it as the critique it is. 

Then there’s just what I will call ‘straight bad-mouthing critique’. Nothing good to say about the piece, the person actually sits there and asks did the artist put eFfOrT into it. Tells them to just ‘draw more’. And some that just ‘rip the art to shreds’. Nothing good or positive. Said person will even go on to just insulting not only the piece but the artist and their character.  How did we go from ‘the piece in question’ to just calling the artist a terrible person for attempting to draw a ‘insert whatever it was here’? 

I do not give out the perfect critiques. Where someone will see ‘bad anatomy’ I’ll see ‘an attempt at foreshortening, and if they just...’ and I could go on. I see a bright color palette and warm tones in someone’s portfolio, someone else will see it as “you use to similar of colors and you need to get better at setting the mood with color in your pieces.” A difference of opinions is one thing, and it is up to the artist in question to decide which is more helpful. This is a different case and is USUALLY inspiring to create more variety to demonstrate your skills. What I no longer think I can tolerate is just words that do not fit into the situation or critique at hand. 

I have examples: 

I went to a portfolio review and had my artwork looked at by some professionals in the industry. (More professional than my...attempts... LOL! i’M a pRoFeSsIoNaL.) The main push for this was a couple ‘critiques’ that just weren’t helpful, useful, or even good. 

I had five pieces presented to said ‘it’s a coin flip’ critiquers: Designs, Finished pieces, Sketches, WIPs, Roughs, I mean I gave em a LOAD to look at. I sent this to a couple groups where we bounce around ideas and I have left them all and have not regretted a single moment of it. Out of the three I sent them to, two straight up ignored them. (I’m used to my artwork being ignored by my peers at this point. I haven’t gotten any feedback whatsoever to where now I just assume they do not like my art style and just choose to not say anything because it’ll come out wrong.) One group only made the comment that not only rubbed the wrong way but in a way took down a community(?) “It looks furry erotica. Only they would like this.” ((Paraphrasing, but only slightly. The tone towards furries was something I was not ignoring.)) Do not use furies as some group to be looked down upon. And if they’ll like it then dammit I’m printing it. I’m an equal opportunity money grabber here babe. 

“Hey Cait, her leg looks a bit short.” “Hey Cait, the colors here are awkward.” anything along these lines that actually were wrong with the piece could have helped. 

I don’t draw NSFW stuff (I should at this point. It’ll be my step before becoming a stripper.) But no other comment besides that per se doesn’t help encourage or fix what could possibly be wrong. I’ve had a share of bad critiques, but this one was just useless. I stopped showing my pieces in WIPs and rough stages because I just genuinely didn’t get good feedback EVER. It came off as: Caitlin your ideas are slipping, they suck... Caitlin this is just another black girl, what’s your deal? Well damn sway, sorry my black ass drawing black ass art is bothering you. I almost was sick of it. 

Now here is the portfolio review time by pros:

I go to it thinking “I’m just going to get my portfolio reviewed. No way am I good enough to stand in line for the job fair(s) going on.” So I got my reviews, the results? “Hey, I see you really enjoy backgrounds and telling stories with your finished pieces. Why don’t you draw more interiors so that way it cohesively harmonizes together better? It does great now, but you’d do pretty well adding more interiors.” “Wow, your linework is so crisp. Have you tried this technique? You have with recent pieces, great! Lets network.” “Your color choices are breathtaking. Here’s a tiny corner where your craftsmanship failed a bit, try buffing up this corner a bit.”

Good critiques, useful stuff! I was so pumped you know what I did? Went to the job fair half. My results? I have piles of individual business cards and personal. My professional network grew. (I guess I should log in and add things to Linkedin huh?) and I got a single big toe wet. (Not a foot in the door, not feet wet, just that one toe. But hey, ripples start waves. And as a surfer, you just gotta wait for the perfect wave ok?) 

I hadn’t gotten a good critique since college. In college, I will commend my professor for teaching this: How to give a good critique. Did some of my colleagues forget how to do this step? Yes. Do some forget that it isn’t their piece of concept and you can’t make someone DO anything? You bet. But it’s just a shame how with mutuals it’s “Caitlin your art isn’t great and is too black.” versus the reviews and studios that gave me the thumbs up and said, “call me later, otherwise I’m calling you later.”

Now do I think there is a slow “status quo” complex going on in my mutuals because now I’m no longer the sucky drawer? Yes and that’s a new rant for a different post. Does tearing down my artwork help theirs get better? Hell nah fam. They don’t even practice what they preach. 

I said all of this to say: I can’t stand people in ANY group of friends, art group, a community who does this. I can not. What do you benefit? Did your house get bigger? Is your butt bigger? Are you prettier? Is your artwork studio quality? Did a pile of money just land in your lap? 

No. It never works that way.

I started this habit to test out my theory and only one friend has caught on; that one still has my respect. After getting a bs critique, I’ll always ask how a person is doing and they’ll go on about how their day-to-day isn’t as good as usual. The one friend that caught on and I quote: “Woah Cait, I’m sorry. I took my frustration on you, let me look at this on another day when I’m in a better mood.” And guess what? She did. Gave a USEFUL critique and we moved forward. 

Sometimes if you're not in the mood to critique DO NOT DO IT.

I repeat:

If you are in a bitchy mood, do not destroy someone because your life sucks and you wanna take a massive shit on someone else. Doing so isn’t going to fix whatever is wrong in your world. It isn’t going to give you a large sum of money and isn’t going to make you a better illustrator. Do not take the phrase “tearing down the ‘competition’ so literally.

“Caitlin, are you sure you’re just bad at getting critique?” 

Nah. I’m bad at taking BS critique and pointless comments anymore and said critiquers themselves are just upset that I’m no longer being a doormat for whatever is wrong in their life. Other illustrators feel the same way too. 

“Caitlin, why do you look for critiques and get mad at people who don’t give good ones?”

Anyone in any field can acknowledge the fact that when you stare at something too long, you start to blur the object in question together. Is it finished, are there major flaws? A simple solution is just getting a fresh set of eyes to look it over. In any aspect of life: choices you made, something you’re prepping to cook, a document you’re writing, and guess what? A piece someone is drawing. It is a prosaic and even instinctual action to share and express ourselves with others for a response. Look at all the billionaires who invented social media. 

We as a community need to start treating each other better. And when someone asks for a critique, follow these instructions that were on so many damn elementary school walls but cleARLY we need these put somewhere again.

Be better dolls. Be good and make good choices. This is the last text post I’m writing today. 

TRD: There are some people who still don’t think before they speak and I see it too often in my own life too. So I’m saying something about it. A reminder for something you learned in grade school: Being mean to other girls won’t make you prettier just like tearing down other illustrators and their artwork won’t make you a better illustrator. 

[elloras]

I've yet to watch S7 of Suits so I only know vague plot points but can you please tell me what Show has done to Mike so I can mentally prepare myself

Oh honey. I’ll just copy-paste the chat I just had with @alwaystiredbi:

elloras oh man

idek where to start?

i think the simplest i can put it is, mike as we ship him in marvey is always 100% pro-harvey, all the time

he would NEVER force harvey towards donna because he would know how ambivalent harvey feels about it

this mike is not ‘mike’ as we think of him, and the problem is mike as we think of him has been entirely our interpretation and based on ignoring a lot of things about canon mike

alwaystiredbi Ahhh! I didn’t realize what the context of that gifset was

That makes sense - we do tend to do that as shippers because some parts of canon mike really suck

elloras yeah, in the latest episode he literally tells harvey “I was rooting for Donna to be with you”

alwaystiredbi W H A T

I’m so glad I stopped watching it because I would’ve been so made

elloras how far have you watched?

oh man, good for you

but now you get it :P

alwaystiredbi Hmmm honestly i forget lol

ellorasso like paula called mike to ask him what to get harvey for their anniversary present

and mike was like 'i guess she thinks i’m harvey’s best friend’ and rachel was like 'or the person that knows harvey the best is the one person she doesn’t want to call’ aka donna

alwaystiredbi I think I stopped watching when Harvey and Donna kissed because it felt so uncomfortable and forced

elloras and she tells mike that donna told her she regrets not ever finding out what things could’ve been like between them

yeah so you know mike was the one who told her to tell him how she feels

and instead of doing that dumbass bitch went and kissed him

alwaystiredbi oh yeah! i blocked so much of it out of my mind because of how long the break was and how OOC some of it felt

alwaystiredbi so that really sucks wow i hate this

elloras and paula and harvey ended up breaking up because more things happened and paula was like i don’t want to feel like this but if you keep working with donna i don’t think we’ll survive (because she’d been cheated on with her boyfriend’s colleague before) and harvey almost lets donna go but then he can’t do it so he breaks up with paula (in an actually really sweet scene)

alwaystiredbi I didn’t like the Harvey/Paula relationship at ALL but I don’t like Donna also - Scottie was the only woman ever right for him

elloras and then mike asks what happened and harvey’s like donna kissed me and i realized paula wasn’t the one and mike’s like 'because donna is’ and harvey’s like 'no that’s not what i’m saying’ and then he’s like idk why she did that and mike’s like i do, it’s because i told her to tell you how she feels i’m sorry and harvey’s like it’s okay you couldn’t have known

yeah

and so then later he comes to mike and he says why did you ask donna to tell me how she feels

and mike’s like i care about her and i didn’t want her to go through life not knowing

and harvey’s like what about me? did you care what it would do to my relationship?

and mike’s like well i thought if you were that solid with paula it wouldn’t matter

and harvey’s like well what if i’d told logan to tell rachel how he feels

and mike’s like well the difference is i would hope you weren’t rooting for rachel to be with logan but yeah maybe i was rooting for donna to be with you

alwaystiredbi oh wow, what the fuck mike?? don’t like any of that!!

elloras and harvey’s like fair enough and then he’s like right now i’m not looking to be with anyone and then he goes and has a drink with donna and you can tell he’s considering it more seriously just because mike said

and i’m like….lmao fuck this

mike is dead

he was always dead the mike i loved only existed in my head

alwaystiredbi yeah fuck that mike, that’s so OOC to me? Idk maybe because I have him represented in my mind differently but that’s such bs

Because Mike was always rooting for this “cool guy Harvey” and making jokes about how he’s a player and he should know better than to get involved in Harvey’s personal life, especially about Donna

elloras EXACTLY

he always always always had harvey’s back

this mike may as well have stabbed him

alwaystiredbi That’s so shitty? Not even in a “mike/harvey” way but in a “Mike you were supposed to be there for Harvey and help me, not make it worse”

EXACTLY

Jesus christ, he really hurt Harvey and Harvey takes it in stride

elloras harvey’s actually considering it!! just because mike said!!!!

alwaystiredbi?? Like he just decides to consider Donna because of Mike??Which 1) Sucks for Donna because she gets NO agency! and her feelings still technically aren’t about her

elloras and i’m just like scottie PLEASE come and save him

alwaystiredbi 2) Shows Harvey clearly doesn’t actually like her for himself 

3) Mike STILL affects Harvey even in the shitty ways and WOW I would’ve never seen that twist coming

Yeah honestly Scottie was so good

…you get the picture

[starship-imzadi]

S2 E1 The Child

Ooo, check out Worf's new baldric (and shirt and forehead) and RIKER'S BEARD!!! And Geordi got a promotion.

Riker maneuver.

I got so used to Frakes clean shaven it's odd to see the beard. Don't get me wrong, I like the beard, a lot. It's a very important part of TNG finding it's style. A lot of people credit his beard as signifying the solidification of TNG creatively. I think it's a very important step but I would disagree and argue that the series doesn't really settle in until season 3.

It's like Tinker Bell...crossed with immaculate conception? Or rape...

Riker's beard is a little fuller than it usually is. It has some "nautical" fine-tuning yet to go.

Ah yes, Pulaski. I really don't like her. She's one of the reasons I don't think the series settles until season 3.

This addition of 10 forward (Guinan) and it's retroactive continuity is odd. But I suppose unlike Riker's beard a new room can't just be added to a ship.

It is odd how Deanna responds in this scene. Before the meeting has even begun she sits at the conference table separate from everyone else and is barely responsive. These are her friends and she can't even look at them. Then when Picard announces her pregnancy he initially skips over the entire reason that it's ships business and not just a personal concern.

I've seen some comparison of this discussion as an issues of pro-choice and I would be inclined to agree but I have a few other issues too. One problem I have is this is set up so Troi does not initially advocate for herself. Pulaski and Picard are the ones who present the pregnancy and Troi has physically positioned herself to be removed from the conversation. It's not even made clear what she's feeling. Her response could be anger or it could be determination. Obviously the initial concern is for everyone's safety and once Troi actually speaks up they immediately respect her decision. But from there the show don't address the very problematic issue that Troi wasn't given an option for consent for the initiation of this pregnancy. She hasn't (exactly) been sexually assulted but she has still been violated. This is the second Troi focused episode (after Haven), and the way she as a character is being used is not okay.

I can see Riker's response being interpreted two different ways. He asks who the father is and it's either in the same vein of jealousy and difficulty in letting Troi go as "Haven" or he and Troi are good friends and he's hurt that she didn't share such an important part of her life. (It's not clear at this stage how close they are as friends. In season 6 "Man of the People" Riker says he's closer to Deanna than he's ever been to anyone, but that's a ways away). Neither is a very compassionate response, they're both self-centered, and they're both ignorant of her clear emotional distress.

I love when Wesley turns to look at Troi, and Riker just stares at him before pointedly ordering him to standard orbit.

Data's fascination and wonder at birth are very endearing. He starts to smile when Deanna approves of his presence during delivery. Data's questions do bring up some interesting thoughts on telepathy and babies...

I've seen a fair amount of commentary that I'd like to echo here about some fairly progressive aspects of this episode. Specifically have a man present in the delivery room. Even by the late 80's this was a very progressive and new option for men. A few decades before and this would have been unheard of. Not only that but there is no father, Data is present and a friend. Perhaps the fact that Data is present, and not a man in a true sense, makes this more acceptable. Either way, this this is definitely an episode that does better when viewed in its time, and without more resent "sensibilities" imposed on it for judgment.

(with that said It's the 24th century and the best they can manage is stirrups.... I'm just not okay with that.)

Okay, so Riker. The first scene around the conference table he's selfish, the scene in the bridge he's protective, and then this scene he's very affectionate, supportive, and caring. He seems to genuinely care for her but hangs back so as to not intrude. What is odd is that Deanna doesn't know he's there. Given her empathic abilities (and connection with Riker) surely she would feel how close he was, and what he felt, if only vaguely. Granted there are other things to preoccupy her focus but we still don't, and never really, understand what their connection, their imzadi bond, affords them.

I've seen the interpretation that Deanna didn't want Will there based on the fact that she asked Data to be there. However, she responded positively to seeing Will and Data's presence at this birth seems to be just based around circumstance: he was there, he was available. For Riker's part he may not feel entitled to be there, and Deanna may not feel like she can ask that of him. Ultimately, there's a lot of room for different interpretation because their relationship is so undefined. We know nothing other than that they are ex lovers who still have [unknown] emotions for each other.

I just noticed Pulaski wears a different uniform from Crusher. Pulaski's is a sort of short dress but it's not like the tight short-sleeved little skirt things you can see women (and a few men early on) wear in the background. And she has trousers/leggings.

Pulaski is a prejudiced b****. It's clearly intentional. I don't know why she was a necessary addition to this crew. (I went on a small rant about her being racist for my Encounter at Farpoint post) Where was all of the "holier than thou" enlightened BS when her character was designed?

So, there's a litter of puppies in the nursery, but just for today. Where did they come from? Picard may not have played with puppies but it's worth seeing Patrick Stewart with one (and maybe he got Number One as a puppy)

Okay, back on track now:

The exterior close up shot of the outside of the ship panning into 10 forward is very unusual; there aren't typically close up shots of the outside of the ship. There have been a few but they're rare.

It looks like Wil grew a bit between seasons.

Majel isn't the computer. Why? (At some point I think she is all of the computer, right?)

Amazing performance from Marina.

I love this gif set, I think it really sums up the episode:

I want to see Worf tuck Wesley in. And look at the smile from Riker. I think Riker has finally, and almost entirely, loosened up. Space dads!

Engage.

[repmekevets]

my response to some bullshit

first, here’s the original story that, i’m sure, many of your aunt’s & uncles have by now forwarded to your inbox...

An open letter to the NFL players (and other equally stupid pro athletes): You graduated high school in 2011.  Your teenage years were a struggle.  You grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.  Your mother was the leader of the family and worked tirelessly to keep a roof over your head and food on your plate.  Academics were a struggle for you and your grades were mediocre at best. The only thing that made you stand out is you weighed 225 lbs and could run 40 yards in 4.2 seconds while carrying a football.   Your best friend was just like you, except he didn’t play football.  Instead of going to football practice after school, he went to work at McDonalds for minimum wage.  You were recruited by all the big colleges and spent every weekend of your senior year making visits to universities where coaches and boosters tried to convince you their school was best.  They laid out the red carpet for you. Your best friend worked double shifts at Mickey D’s.  College was not an option for him.  On the day you signed with Big State University, your best friend signed paperwork with his Army recruiter.  You went to summer workouts.  He went to basic training. You spent the next four years living in the athletic dorm, eating at the training table. You spent your Saturdays on the football field, cheered on by adoring fans.  Tutors attended to your every academic need.  You attended class when you felt like it. Sure, you worked hard.  You lifted weights, ran sprints, studied plays, and soon became one of the top football players in the country.  Your best friend was assigned to the 101st Airborne Division. While you were in college, he deployed to Iraq once and Afghanistan twice.  He became a Sergeant and led a squad of 19 year old soldiers who grew up just like he did.  He shed his blood in Afghanistan and watched young Americans give their lives, limbs, and innocence for the USA. You went to the NFL combine and scored off the charts.  You hired an agent and waited for draft day.  You were drafted in the first round and your agent immediately went to work, ensuring that you received the most money possible. You signed for $16 million although you had never played a single down of professional football.  Your best friend re-enlisted in the Army for four more years. As a combat-tested sergeant, he will be paid $32,000 per year. You will drive a Ferrari on the streets of South Beach.  He will ride in the back of a Blackhawk helicopter with 10 other combat loaded soldiers.  You will sleep at the Ritz.  He will dig a hole in the ground and try to sleep.  You will “make it rain” in the club.  He will pray for rain as the temperature reaches 120 degrees. On Sunday, you will run into a stadium as tens of thousands of fans cheer and yell your name.  For your best friend, there is little difference between Sunday and any other day of the week.  There are no adoring fans.  There are only people trying to kill him and his soldiers. Every now and then, he and his soldiers leave the front lines and “go to the rear” to rest.  He might be lucky enough to catch an NFL game on TV.  When the National Anthem plays and you take a knee, he will jump to his feet and salute the television.  While you protest the unfairness of life in the United States, he will give thanks to God that he has the honor of defending his great country. To the players of the NFL:  We are the people who buy your tickets, watch you on TV, and wear your jerseys.  We anxiously wait for Sundays so we can cheer for you and marvel at your athleticism. Although we love to watch you play, we care little about your opinions until you offend us. You have the absolute right to express yourselves, but we have the absolute right to boycott you.  We have tolerated your drug use and DUIs, your domestic violence, and your vulgar displays of wealth.  We should be ashamed for putting our admiration of your physical skills before what is morally right.  But now you have gone too far. You have insulted our flag, our country, our soldiers, our police officers, and our veterans. You are living the American dream, yet you disparage our great country.  I am done with NFL football, the NBA, and Major League Baseball and encourage all likeminded Americans to boycott all pro sports until the light goes on for these crybabies and their rich owners who are afraid to speak up lest their spoiled brats (felons, wife-beaters) who are, in most cases, unable to even speak English in any understandable manner. Anyone who confuses respect for our Anthem and our flag with the right to support BLM and ANTIFA is just plain ignorant. Use your freedom of speech in the proper forum and stop trying to hide behind your freedoms to relieve your ignorance. BLM and ANTIFA are issues totally unrelated to respect for our flag and our anthem. Your claim to freedoms are bogus and you should ask yourselves what is it you have ever done to earn them. PS Trying to excuse your actions by highlighting the actions of our President on matters such as this is pure unadulterated BS. Whether he is right or wrong in his criticisms does not relieve you of your stupidity.

here are my thoughts, hastily typed during my lunch break at work, which were then sent right back to the person who sent this shit to me.

- you don't just become a professional athlete, regardless of your physical gifts. it takes just as much hard work & determination as any other profession.

- the picture this paints of collegiate athletes is extremely rare. this is like, a 1 in a million representation. most NCAA student athletes work extremely hard on & off the field & face a difficult challenge of balancing athletics with academics. the vast majority of them are not pampered like this story would suggest.

- only 3-4% of high school athletes make the jump from high school to college, many will never make it to a point where they are even draft eligible, & then only about 7% of eligible players will get drafted. of those ~250 players you get drafted in a given year, only 32 go in the first round. of those 32, only a couple will get a deal even resembling the one mentioned in this story, so.. clearly no research was done in this arena. fun fact: colin kaepernick was the 4th pick in the 2nd round of the 2011 draft.

- also, colin kaepernick had a 4.0 GPA in high school & graduated from the university of nevada. he's not in any way dumb or uneducated.

- the average salary for an NFL player is $1.9m/year. while that is definitely substantial, it's not insane. fun fact: although hard to estimate, glassdoor says the average CEO in this country makes $13.8m/year. that's far more egregious to me.

- as for adoring fans, most players in the NFL aren't recognizable by name or face, but are popular because of their team. sounds a lot like soldiers to me. in the U.S., what's more popular than the military?

- of course the incredibly small percentage of athletes that make it to the pros are fortunate to be able to do that - all of them say as much. they know how fortunate they are to be able to play a game for a living.

- as an aside, most professional athletes are very charitable, contributing time & money to various causes in which they believe. another fun fact: kaepernick has donated at least $900k.

this last paragraph really goes off the deep end so it's going to take a minute..

- there is an admission of hypocrisy right off the bat: "We have tolerated your drug use and DUIs, your domestic violence, and your vulgar displays of wealth." yeah, you have. not nearly enough outrage for any of these things, & not even a mention of a boycott. these are behaviors that have a direct human cost & yet.. silence.

- does anyone getting mad about kaepernick taking the knee even know how it started? i suggest you read this article. it was written by eric reid, one of colin's teammates.

^ everyone seems to gloss over the fact that it was a retired green beret (nate boyer) who suggested kaepernick & reid take a knee instead of sitting on the bench during the anthem.  reid said, "I remember thinking our posture was like a flag flown at half-mast to mark a tragedy."

furthermore, "It baffles me that our protest is still being misconstrued as disrespectful to the country, flag and military personnel. We chose it because it’s exactly the opposite. It has always been my understanding that the brave men and women who fought and died for our country did so to ensure that we could live in a fair and free society, which includes the right to speak out in protest."

- NO ONE is protesting the flag. NO ONE is protesting the national anthem. NO ONE is protesting the united states of america. example: no one thought rosa parks was protesting public transit. this is no different. the players are protesting the racism & oppression faced by black people & communities in this country & how it leads directly to a disproportionate number of black deaths. that's what it has always been about.

- also, the last sentence is pure, thinly-veiled racism. it literally calls NFL players felons & wife-beaters who are unable to speak english. come on, be better than that.

- the most important part of this story that requires addressing, comes right at the end, "Use your freedom of speech in the proper forum"

- where exactly is the proper forum for black (or others) people to protest?

the very nature of peaceful protest (like dr. king, rosa parks, & others in the 60s), requires visibility. it's aim is to draw attention to the issues, & guess what else.. make the people (especially the oppressors) feel uncomfortable!

this is the real problem. none of these people are upset about the flag. this is about a refusal to address white privilege & systemic racism in this country.

so yeah, i know there’s plenty more that could be added/modified/whatever, but it’s all i had time for this afternoon. comments welcome.

[halfblood-fiend]

My First Words- The Cringe Poetry Era

Because of thesecondsealwrite’s amazing posts about her past writing, and her second Tumblr anniversary celebration, I decided to join in on the fun. I will impart on you some of my first words over the course of these 10 days and you can see the completely awful and totally terrible journey to becoming the writer I am today.

Now, I am notorious for keeping everything ever and that is doubly so for my stories. The problem, though? This time last year my family was supposed to have moved and apparently I was the only one who got the memo. So all my stuff is packed away and locked in storage. So I’m pretty sure that’s where all the old stuff is, I’m talkin’ the shameless self-inserts, the copious Mary-Sues, the cringiest of cringe poetry, the erotic to a 13-year-old Halo/Eragon/Chronicles of Riddick/Harry Potter crossovers, and the literal mountains of fanfiction about Snape, sometimes with students (yes...I am very guilty of that, hang me please).

However, I did manage to scrounge up some stuff from a journal that didn’t get packed because it’s still a quarter blank and, for some reason, I seem to always intend to keep diaries the way I used to back in my middle school/early high school days.

I deliberated for a while about how to post them. I wondered if I should post scans or if I should write my own modern commentary all over said scans but I settled for simply typing them exactly as they are, sloppy grammar and shitty spelling intact. If anyone wants to see the scans, I will post them because you really miss out on a whole hot mess of awful doodles and chicken scratches as well as the worst formatting bs you’ve ever seen (probably).

So, I placed it under a read more because I don’t think anyone wants a whiny 12-year-old on their dash, but the following is me, and my very 12-year-old problems, totally unedited.

Bullshit

Why should I care? Give me a reason and I might stay. Stay friends? Ha! Don't you remember? It was you who dumpped me. So why are you asking my forgivnes? It should be me, shouldn't it? But stop, listen. Do you hear me begging? No. Because I'm fed up. Tired of the bullshit. Sick of the same Goddamned scene. Aquatences, pehaps. But never again friends.

You’re smoking something if you thought I wasn’t gonna have commentary on this shit...

Okay so, god awful spelling, worse content. Yet SOMEHOW I remember that nearly every single poem I wrote around this time period was about/related to/because of boys. Gotta love those middle school hormones. I really don’t know whether to laugh or cry but, it get’s better...

Lonley Valentine

Another Valentine's day Come and gone. Yet another hopeless year. I've never had a Valentine. Never in my life. Unless you count my parents; this thought gives me much strife. I've only five boyfriends And they never last too long. Theres always someone else they like more because apparenly I'm wrong. Most people would label me a loner. to whitch I'm pretty sure they're right. 'Cause I've never had a Valentine and I suck it up with all my might I hear that people say that to love another one must first love themelves. This is what I say to them, "Shut up you mother fucker!"

"Shut up you mother fucker!” Aaaaaand she sticks the landing!

Look my least favorite part about this trainwreck is the very forced lines and hence rhyming? Other than that, I hate all of it. I also just LOVE how 12-year-old Madison thought life revolved around Valentine’s Day and like...having somebody. I guess that even modern Madison feels that way since most of my content is thinly veiled romance. I guess some things never change.

I’d also like to adress that “only five boyfriends” part because it sticks out in my mind... I’m pretty sure that at this middle school age, I’m even counting those “relationships” that were like, “Joey held my hand one time at recess” or something because I can tell you right now FIVE is...not true? Not even remotely accurate? I also love the “ONLY five boyfriends” part as if it was some kind of competition and even with five I was losing... badly, as my beautiful poem illustrates.

Untitled

Help me out. Out of my never ending pit. Help me someone. I'm falling to abiss; please someone.   What does it matter? Like the useless raindrops that patter I'm no longer there. No longer where?   People ignore me falling to black. Help me please Throw me a rope, lend me a hand   I realize theres no turning back, Nothing but black. I'm falling to oblivion, no longer real I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel   Falling faster. No way back, only down. No one to pull me up Just falling; just nothingness.   When I snag on a branch, it breaks Then falling again faster, faster.   Lonesome death only. Nobody. No turning back. Just fading to black.

Now, I did NOT read the journal entry that “went” with this poem because my brain literally could not handle it, so I don’t know what context all this blackness is in. Pretty sure it’s just a metaphor for my life, or, judging by previous content, I had a crush on some dude that looked at me for a whole five seconds one time in science class and then it turned out that he didn’t like like me.

ALSO! WARNING! Past Madison did this awful thing where she liked to incorporate her favorite lyrics into her own poetry and give no credit whatsoever. In fact, sometimes she even claimed they were hers. She just...took em. I honestly couldn’t tell you why. I die a little every time I see that shit. So, if you didn’t catch it, the line “I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel” belongs to Fall Out Boy and their song The Pros and Cons of Breathing. Thanks guys, tell your writers they did well capturing the spirit middle school angst.

You know...in that packed box of papers there is an entire typed, printed, and bound copy of every poem I ever wrote in middle school. I titled it “Emo Chronicles” and actually turned that shit in for a school project and got compliments AND a grade for it (Yikes!!). And I’m sorta glad that all I could find were these three poems for two reasons A) I don’t think I could have handled reading an entire volume of this type of thing and B) I would have probably picked out the ones I was still sorta proud of, so here you go. There is no bias here, whatsoever.

I just wish I could go back in time and give this poor confused girl a cookie and a hug. Maybe not the cookie, actually, because this sad girl was constantly destroyed by her mother over her weight with merciless precision. Still, she could use a hug and I would tell her, “Boys are stupid and are a huge waste of time, bro.” Then I’d walk into the sunset. And then this girl would go home and write some poetry about it. She’d probably think it was very deep and existential.

I actually continued to write poetry well into high school but it petered off around my Junior year and I haven’t touched it since. Honestly, because of all this mess, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know that all this crap is a literal skeleton in my closet and I almost feel like I never want to open that door ever again.

So if you read this far, THANK YOU for not unfollowing and blocking me instantly! Lmao. Yeah, it’s bad, but the only way to get good is to slog through some utter shit and I really think that this era of my writing career is my utter shit (yes, I even believe that insane crossover is better than this).

[bywandandsword]

Bitching about the ‘rents under the cut

It’s my mom’s birthday

Earlier I my aunt got into a fight with me. I was talking about an event from when I was in high school and I said “I don’t understand why people can’t just respect other people’s opinions and let people alone” with the addendum that if a person’s opinion is rooted in the oppression of others, it should be called out. And my aunt was like “Yeah you remember that!” and I’m like “What do you mean by that?” and my pro-life aunt just starts hauling off, straight up yelling at me over abortion and I’m like ?????wtf???? and I argue back a bit and when I try to tell her that this is one of the few subject that I don’t bring up with them cause I know they won’t change their minds she’s like “well you started it” and this pisses me off more cause no the fucking hell I didn’t until eventually she kicks me out of the car and into my mom’s car, which was right behind hers. I get into mom’s car and just start bawling, I don’t know why I was just so upset, and I tell mom what happened. I expect her to be angry that my aunt just started yelling at me like that, but at the time she’s just trying to get me to calm down, which is hard because grandma starts telling me off just like my aunt and I just keep saying “I don’t want to talk about this” over and over until I can get my ipod blaring music to tune them out and actually calm down and start breathing normal again. So we get to the parade and my aunt comes up to me all smiles and placating apologies and I’m having none of it so I shrug her off and walk away and do the same with mom cause I don’t want to be touched right now, can you stop trying to hug me??

I stay back from them until the parade starts, and when it ends I just get in the car and ignore my aunt. When we get to grandma’s house to drop her off, mom and I are in the car alone for a minute and I ask what she said to my aunt and she says nothing, she didn’t say anything and that my aunt said I started yelling first. Again, this pisses me off and I ask mom, “so what, you’re not even going to stand up for me? really?” and she makes this comment like “as you said, you’re an adult, you can stand up for yourself” and I’m like, “I did till I got kicked out of the fucking car and despite my being an adult and fully capable of standing up for myself, I would have the support from my own mother. How can I count on you to stand up and support me on things that really matter if you can’t even support me on this little thing?” and and she’s like “you don’t need me, you just push us away. I was trying to be a parent and comfort my child” “I just needed space!” “No you’ve never needed me and I’m the worst mother ever” “I never said that” and she keeps bumping her torso into mine, getting me to step back and if I don’t she says “get out of my face” when she’s the one advancing on me, not the other way around and she goes on about how I conspired to have this argument with my aunt just to ruin her birthday and how “the world doesn’t revolve around you” and we have these back and forths, basically saying the same things over and over and she keeps telling me to stop yelling cause I’m being  disrespectful (tell me why it’s disrespectful for me to yell at her, but she doesn’t consider it disrespectful to for her to yell at me) and I’m trying to say how my needing space isn’t the same as my never wanting to have her in my life again and she goes on about how I’m isolating myself all the time (mostly when I need to recharge, cause mine is a big, load, tiring family) and I never want to spend time with the family cause I always have school work to do (uh, yeah, I’m a full time nursing student, skipping out on family visits to study was the only reason I got all As and Bs last semester) and how “you can’t wait to move out and never ave anything to do with the family again” and I like, my wanting some personal liberty (literally all I’m doing right now is getting my own fucking car and moving to a new school next semester that is better for my education, but it isn’t 15 minutes away) isn’t the same as never wanting to be part of the family again (just because I don’t call or text her every single day I’m at school like my other sister does), but she’s not hearing it and she starts crying and I start crying and we both storm off 

and she’s crying on her birthday and it I feel so fucking guilty, like a knife in the gut, for making her cry on her birthday, but at the same time, how can I just stand there and pretend like any of this is all okay? and like, I know, this is stupid and it didn’t have to blow up into all this, but it always does and I don’t know how to stop it

[i-am-obscuram]

8 Things to learn from Karens on living your best life

We've either seen the videos or experienced a Karen in person in the many inceptions of Becky or Permit Patty and there's the male variants too! They can have similar body types yet they all have very identical behavior patterns. Yet there are valuable lessons that you can learn from these people on how to live better. This article contains affiliate links that directly support Obscuram.com Within this article there is documentation of experience with the legal system, this is Not Legal Advice, I am not an attorney! If you are in the US and need of legal assistance send a message below and options will be provided for you.

Typical “Karen” behavior patterns:

1. Often Inebriated – Alcohol or other substances 2. Blaming / Shaming 3. Emotionally Invalidating 4. Antagonistic 5. Demanding 6. Authoritarian 7. Racist 8. Gaslighting 9. Entitled 10. Nosy 11. Belligerent 12. Lies or Exaggerations 13. Aggrandized Self-Victimization / Victim Playing 14. Breaking Boundaries / Rules 15. Opportunistic 16. Manipulative

In addition to the videos you’ve likely seen on the internet, I've had multiple experiences of my own. There was the “friend” and coworker who decided she had priority parking over everyone else, as a supervisor I had to step up and ask her to move, this was met with hostility and complaints of having to pay for parking. A luxury that I could not afford at the time even as a supervisor. I would would find free parking and walk a few blocks to work. Eventually her continued actions got the best of her and she lost her job. Then I have my own unreleased “Karen” videos, where I was harassed by a mother and live in adult daughter duo who “don't care about the law.” They took it upon themselves to harass me to the point I had to have police officers on Civil Standby until things were handled.

These encounters are really triggering, and you may already know their behavior by the term of “narcissistic abuse.” These are “narcissists” in the wild. Click here to learn more about narcissistic abuse and what victims can do to heal from it. With these close encounters of the Karen kind, I've learned to utilize some of their tactics in a positive, pro-active, empowering way as well as learning from their mistakes.

Foundational rules:

Don't be a Karen, ditch the rude behavior, flawed ideas and ignorance. Do be nice, polite, empathetic and reasonable, following those basics will help you achieve your goals. I also highly suggest reading, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. The title is cringe-worthy but the content is actually about listening and building better communication skills.

8 Things I’ve Learned from Karens

1. Don't be afraid to ask

Make reasonable requests and ask questions to get information and facts. I've gotten lots of feedback on my social media videos on IGTV and that has led to the question of what app I’ve been using. Once that happened a few times I did a bit of research to see if they had an affiliate program, I couldn’t find one I reached out to the company Veme.ly on Instagram.

To get a discount off of an annual plan on Veme.ly CLICK HERE

2. Don't take “No” for an answer

This isn't to be used in relationships as an act of coercion. If someone says no to a sexual act, respect that! In 2017 I was a passenger in a major auto wreck where we ended up on the sidewalk 100 yards and 45 degrees in a different direction away from our trajectory. Both cars were totaled. I was supposed to show up in court for a “fix it” ticket 2 weeks after that happened. With the extent of my injuries there was no way I could think of doing that or even make it happen as I couldn't stand for longer than 15 min without having to shift between siting and laying down as well. I couldn’t even recall the citation until I was graced with a $700 charge on my “failure to appear” and another court date was set for me to show for that. When the date came I was there with evidence in hand to support the fact that I was too injured to appear. I then made the mistake of being ok with a pro-tem hearing my case instead of an official judge. The pro-tem denied reviewing my evidence and decided to rely on their assumption that I was only under “bed rest.” It was a literal insult to my injuries, in labeling me as guilty and having to pay an extreme amount of money for a light out on my car. I submitted an appeal on the violations of judicial conduct due to the fact the pro-tem refused to review my evidence. The appeal was granted, but preceding with the appeal was too strenuous, and I dropped it. There was one last ditch effort of asking what I could do and was greeted with a fee reduction form. The judge that reviewed it removed the charges entirely! It took persistence, it took work, yet I didn't let the pro-tem's “no” stop me.

3. Speak to the supervisor

When I was working through my financial illiteracy problems I had to take a clear look at my mistakes and also factor in the bank's mistakes, because as I became hawk in monitoring my bank statements I noted the mess of fees that were bank errors. The bank has limitations of being able to remove fees once in a season if you already had that happen you couldn't do it again until the next season. Yet if you kindly asked for a supervisor to do review they had the ability to change it, obviously if things were indeed erroneous. This doesn't just work for banks either and remember to be very kind, polite, and have a reasonable request.

4. Value yourself With Learning

When you value yourself you won't go around devaluing others. Narcissists are considered to love themselves too much and the fact is that's not the case. They actually don't have self love and they use others to fill that void. One crucial way to value yourself is to know yourself, know your rights and the expected, proper, or legal ways to enact on or uphold them. The best way to do this is to keep learning and keep being open to new information even if it challenges the old. This helps you to remain relevant, and grow as a being, in an ever changing world. I wouldn’t have survived what I’ve been through if I failed to learn from my mistakes. Bonus: Continued learning or keeping your mind active can prevent dementia. I’m wondering if some of the “Karens” are actually dealing with this.

5. Speak up

Especially against injustice or mistreatment, and on your thoughts and feelings! A friend of mine brought me in to help with an ongoing negotiation situation. She called me in to be the ultra-calm-can-the-BS-intimidating-spokesperson for her. Yet this is not just for you to speak up for others, speak up for yourself too. Also the ability to incorporate and enact on these is dependent upon your ability to speak up!

6. Be persistent Make change happen

It actually takes one or a few people to get the ball rolling and committing to seeing change through. Changes in the laws can also be achieved though legal action with how a judge rules on a case in court. I recently did a video on this here. My own personal story; I had a landlord issue where I attempted to work it out, through research and presenting cost saving alternatives to resolve our situation. Their attorney didn't want to hear any of it so I needed to get an attorney of my own. While in court waiting for mediation I saw an attorney who was representing a family and was highly intelligent. I ended up tracking him down just before he left, I asked his name and if he could represent me he asked what my name was. After I told him he said “I know you and we've been talking about you at the office.” I got my attorney, and here's why. I relentlessly pursued the know how to support my my goals. With that I had an online consultation at the LA Law Library with this attorney but I couldn't see him, yet he recognized my name and I had contacted his office with specific requests to fill the gaps in my knowledge. I showed up and I stepped up every part of the way! This is how persistence pays off and things were resolved in my favor.

7. Seek Opportunities

This is the greatest learning and it has supported me greatly! I mentioned the online consultation at the LA Law Library, what I didn’t mention was that the consultations were all booked when I showed up. I asked what their policy was for those who didn’t show, and then I explained my situation and that the time lost from the grace period would still accommodate my request. Needless to say I got in and gained the info I needed quickly. Just the act of looking into resources to support my desired outcome granted this opportunity in the first place.

8. Have an attitude of gratitude

This is what the “Karens” are missing and its their biggest life mistake! Gratitude is the ability to see and appreciate your life and what you have. When you are thankful there’s compassion, empathy, self validation and no need to flex your power in abusive control tactics. With gratitude you invite feelings of security, calmness, and confidence. That creates true self worth, as you respect the value of what you have and what you can give yourself. It’s not easy to incorporate changes in your life and I am thankful for these insights that I’ve learned in the hard way so you don’t have to. There is an easier way of attaining your goals, growth and most of all empowerment! Claim your power and find out what support is available to you by filling out the form below!

-Brettney Perr

[lovelyladyjane]

Back on My BS

I’m good at a lot of things. Not great, but good. I’m a good character writer, a decent world-builder, and my prose hasn’t made anyone scratch their eyes out yet. I can draw. Not as well as I’d like, but better than I could five years ago, which is progress, so I’ll take it. My kids are fed, clean, and happy, and they like to cuddle with me, so I’d say I’m doing pretty well on that front, too.

You know what I’m bad at? Social media.

It’s supposed to be my generation’s thing, right? I mean who among us didn’t chronicle every waking minute on MySpace and LiveJournal, and then Facebook and Instagram?

Not to mention Twitter. Ugh. Twitter.

We’re all driven to connect. Internet access just makes that connection quicker and easier, and if I’m being totally honest, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. We’re more aware of others’ experiences, and more open to asking about them. We live every day with information at our fingertips about billions of people around the world. And while bad things can be done with information, information is not of itself a bad thing.

So, what do we do with it? What do we do with all this information about people we’ve never met, but who, ultimately, have a profound impact on our lives? And how does it affect us to have our lives exposed for all the world to see?

Who are we? Who am I?

I guess why I’m really bad as Social Media is because this online life seems so inauthentic. Who is this person? Who am I that the world should listen to me when I am but one of a billion voices crying out to the void?

It’s Impostor Syndrome times a thousand, because if the person you’ve created isn’t IRL, then what, therefore is Real?

Maybe the next generation won’t suffer the dichotomy between an Online Personality and The Real You.

Anyway, before my inner philosopher starts running away with me, let’s get back to some practicalities. I want to write. I want to be published. And in that world, what truly matters (besides doing the work) is who you are online. We can debate the pros and cons of that, but the core of the matter is that who you are -- your brand -- is what sells. So if I’m going to sell that, I have to do the work to create it.

To that end, I logged on to Twitter for the first time in years.

And immediately regretted it.

I mean, it was probably bad timing. As of right now, the impeachment is wrapping up, and it’s all anyone can talk about. And really, who can blame them? It’s history in the making. It’s also really stressful to watch, in real time, as the cracks appear in society and democracy shatters. The world is on fire, both literally and figuratively, and Twitter is the world’s dumpster. And it, too, is on fire.

...but, to be fair, the same can be said for any other social media. The trick is to (again) do the work. Cultivate your experience. Share what you want to see, ignore what you don’t. It’s not precisely that simple -- nothing ever is -- but it’s a start.

So, here I am again, writing, sharing myself, hoping that I’ll find some like-minded people out there, hoping that I won’t be alone. Reach out. Connect. Sure, this world is a trash fire, but I’ll bring the marshmallows if you bring the chocolate and your friend brings the graham crackers.

Let’s make s’mores and scream into the void together.

[blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog]

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"Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

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I have always used a Mobility car, hence the ignorance re, insurance""

What should I buy for my first car? Preferably something with cheap insurance!?

Okay, so I'm a 17 year old male in the UK. I'm looking to buy my first car fairly soon, but I realise I'm absolutely clueless about cars. I have quite a bit of money saved, but I would love to spend as little as possible on the car and insurance. I'm looking on auto trader and other second hand websites, but I really have no idea. Any suggestions of where to look, what make to buy, where to get insurance would be great. Thanks""

How much would insurance be on a 1986 honda civic si hatchback?

I need to know asap how much estimated it would be to add this car to insurance. (state farm) I just bought it for 800 bucks and i need to know also how much in total it would be to get on the road.. register, title switch , tags all that good stuff...im un VIRGINIA btw.. need any more info ask..""

Older cars and Insurance..?

Im young..I don't know too much about cars yet. I was wondering, do older cars typically cost less to insure??? I know it sounds dumb but I really dont know. I had a 99 explorer, 91 sentra, 86 accord, and now I am probably getting a 74 Dart. I know insurance changes depending on your age and violations on your record..but it seems like older cars cost less than 'newer' cars. Will my Dart cost more since it is a classic? It is not restored yet, or sportin classic plates either. Does that change anything??? Is there a difference because of color, or model (ss, suv, convertible, truck, etc?) Let me know..""

What Insurance company automatically covers anyone who drives your car? What is a cheap insurance company?

I'm tryin 2 get insurance for the 04 stratus that i'm buying, but my rates are high because i'm 18. I heard about an insurance who covers anyone who drives your car, like that i coul mak my dad take it then i'd be able 2 drive it. If you know a cheap company for people my age i'd appreciate it. The company dosnt have to be popular.""

Is there a cheaper way to drive my parents car with insurance.?

My parents won't let me drive their car without insurance (which i understand). To be added to their insurance policy will cost me $100 a month, but I would only use the car once or twice a week. I think its ridiculous to pay $100 when I would barely drive the car. Is there a cheaper way to drive their car just when i need it and still be insured?""

Best Insurance company?

What is the best insurrance company for both auto and home please let me know as soon as possible - I live in WV

Car insurance cost for expat?

Hi I am a 37y old male married moving to London from india soon. I checked som online quotes and it seems to be very expensive even if I buy a 10 yr old vw golf. I intend to get a uk license when I arrive, but will I be considered a new driver even though I have held a license in the us and India and have driven for close to 15 yrs""

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

California low cost health insurance?

i need an innsurance with a low cost monthly fee.. i just need it for birth control. i dont want to pay full price it gets pricy please let me know of some good ones that you have experience with

What would my insurance be for a supra?

i will soon be 16. i get As and Bs occasional C. i will be insured with my mom and brother she is 51. My idea is to get a very cheap car and after about a year when im 17 i want to buy a supra with a salvaged title. nothing to bad done ive seen a few go for about 10k. so what do you guys/girls think will be the total insurance for the supra and the cheap car?

Home building insurance?

i had tenants in my house, while i was living with my sister, i did take out a building insurance, and last week my house got burned to ashes, it has no roof neither, so i phoned the insurance company which was halifax,to my shock they declined the insurance,as i didn't have landlord insurance, they said. when i took out the policy i did say to them that i wanted landlord building insurance, the woman at the branch assured me, how ever when i looked at my paper now it does say, i have building and contents insurance,i never asked for that, just wanted a simple landlords insurance, i have 40 thousand pounds worth of damage and really stressed don't now what to do, can anybody please give me some advice i would appreciate it very much

Can I use my parents name to buy insurance for my car?

Is there? The insurance would be under my moms name but the car would be mine. It would be alot cheaper since my mom has no violations and is older than 25.

Anyone know the best insurance companies for young drivers?

I know obviously insurance for the young is gonna get rocket high anyway compared to older people for the same old 'statistical' reasons as always although I don't intentionally drive like an idiot or least intend never to and I do take safety as a big priority and everything, I've passed my test just over 2 years ago with a clean license but still find insurance even for my micra (1 litre 1994 M Reg) costing me a minimum average of 1000 annually, and just below a grand like 900-950ish is roughly the best I've got for my micra from directline but wondering if anyone would know anyone better cost wise? Also why is there so much discrimination against young/new drivers when its actually only the small minority who take the worse of risks and drive like w*****s making it sky high expensive for the rest of us, I can understand it may be statistic but unless u actualy do drive like a so and so I don't see why 'everyone' should be punished with rip off premiums for the sake of the minority number of idiots""

Which car would the cheapest insurance (Civic ex (4dr) or Lancer ES)?

?

Where can i get cheap sr-22 insurance?

Where can i get cheap sr-22 insurance?

Life Insurance :?

can i stop paying my premium and get back the amount i paid for? . I took insurance for 15 yr. Already 2 years over. Is ther any option to get the invested money back?

Insurance declared car total loss?

Insurance declared car total loss does that mean i have no more car insurance???

How much cheaper will my insurance be ?

Want to no how much cheaper my insurance would be if my mum insured my car but put me down as a name driver? I have just passed my test, looking to get a fiesta 05 plate 1.2 something like that, also my mum has been driving for over 20 years ?""

Can you get arrested for not having car insurance in the state of florida?

My father was arrested and claims its because of him not having car insurance. is this possible?

What is the cheapest car insurance?

What is the cheapest car insurance?

Is Mass Mutual insurance affiliated with any other insurance companies?

any agencies affiliated to Mass Mutual life insurance

Any affordable health insurance options for a 65 years old thats not eligible for Medicare?

My in laws are 65 years old and just moved to the US (legally!). Because they are not US Citizens yet, and it will take 5 to 6 years for that to happen, they do not qualify for Medicare. So my question is, is there any affordable option to get healthcare coverage for someone who is over 65 yrs old? Because my husband and I are sponsoring them if they cannot pay for a medical (or any other) bill, they will come after us and we all know how expensive cancer or even a simple surgery can be, needless to say that we are not sleeping well at night! Thanks! Sheila (your love life paramedic) www.slumberpartiesbysheila.com""

A question about car insurance?

My mom is afraid of her car insurance going up once I get my license, so she wants me to get the car in my name and get my own insurance, but can I still get my license first before all of that? What would be the sequence of which to obtain first? Thanks!""

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

Where can students get cheap car insurance from people who don't automatically make you out to be boy racers?

Where can i find a school to take classes for insurance health and life in missouri?

i wanna know if theres a school im not asking about online courses im asking about actualy class i can attend and also for property and casualty also. thanks

What do i do for auto insurance?

so i live in Calgary and i'm buying a car in Airdre. i have to drive it back to Calgary. but i need all the information to pay for insurance and registration. and a licence plate that matches the car.. what should i do??? i have a licence plate but its on a kia and im buying a toyota.. HELP!!!!!

""If women get low car insurance rates, because they are rated as a group, shouldn't men have low medical rates?""

Women get low car rates b/c they, as a group, are less likely to have accidents. Feminists quote this fact all the time. Yet women live 8+ yrs. longer than men, and spend the last years of their lives using numerous and costly medical resources. Women use ~50% more medical resources than men. Why, then, aren't women required to pay higher medical premiums? Why aren't feminists marching on Washington demanding that women pay more? Oh, sorry ... I forgot. Feminists say they want equality, but their actions show different.""

Is this too high for heath insurance or is this how they all are?

I pay 130/month for health insurance through Humana for 1 adult and 2 children, full coverage. I usually have to pay a $20 copay for minor doctor visits. Recently I found out Humana is going to start charging an extra $20/week so it will be $150/week, so about $500-600/month, which is a little more than our mortgage payment. We pay less in groceries every week than the amount it costs us to pay for this insurance and we rarely visit the doctor, maybe twice a year, and the amount that is charged hardly adds up to the amount paid throughout the whole year. It's really ridiculous, in my opinion. I get this insurance through my work. I only have the option to cancel or change things about the insurance twice a year and the time has come up. So I am considering canceling and looking elsewhere for health insurance, or just paying out of pocket because if I cancel that's an extra 150 bucks in the bank. I will still keep my vision and dental. Is this a good idea to cancel? Pros. vs. Cons.? Are there any better health insurance companies I could go with that would charge less in the state of Ohio? Honestly I am considering applying for medicaid because we are struggling. We are behind in several medical bills that the insurance wouldn't cover and they are less than what the insurance company charges us monthly, yet because all our money is spent on the insurance, we can't pay for the actual bills - what's the point in the insurance? Enlighten me someone? I was told once that the two biggest crooks are lawyers and insurance companies and I'm starting to see why.""

Can getting on-line auto insurance quotes adversely affect one's credit history?

Since insurance companies do pull one's credit history. Thanks. GG_007

I need help on a car insurance question....?

so i got in a car crash and got the guys information; aside from his house address.... so my question is there any way that i can get a copy of that information or something with his name and adress included??

""If i damage a car by like 5,000 worth in damages how much will my insurance go up by?

im only 18 and still havent told my dad about it..this is my first accident..and i still have not yet recieved any word if the accident was my fault(accident happened 2 days ago) but what happened was i entered traffic from coming out a place into traffic and got hit...i mean i think it was her fault because i entered in traffic slowly and i assumed that she was speeding and hit me or tried passing me...i didnt just pop out into traffic because she would of have it me on my back znd i saw her car from a distance..there was a camera there i think is one of those pic/video camera for people who run red lights and the officer said that i couldnt use it which i dont get it what i plan to do is once i get word that it was my fault im going to pay for damages to my car by myself i just wanna know will my dads insurance billl be a BIG difference of like thousands i just feel anxious and nervous

Do I need insurance to drive with an instruction permit?

I am 19 years old in California. I tried looking at the CA DMV website, but it does not specify anywhere whether I need insurance in order to drive with an instruction permit...""

How much do you pay for auto insurance?

I just spent a few hours getting an auto insurance quote from a number of companies. I got a real good rate ($573 for a whole year) for our 2004 car and all the extras. I think this is a pretty good rate but wonder if others are paying more or less. How much are you paying?

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

Were can I buy cheap insurance to reg a 1966 Vw bug?

I live in daytona florida

The average price of car insurance for VA drivers?

I'm planning on getting my license very soon. I've been planning ahead by saving up car money and figuring out what type of car I want. However, my dad often mentions how insurance is gonna bite you in the ***. so I would like to know what the average price of car insurance is for young or new Virginia drivers. please and thank you. (I've heard rumors that sometimes it helps if you have a beige or gray car. true?)""

What company offers the cheapest motorcycle insurance in Toronto?

I Want to buy a motorcycle around $ 5000 and wondering how much would be the insurance for the following motorcycles 2006-2009 Honda CBR RR 600 2006-2009 Honda CBR 125 How can I be able to get discount on my premium. I have a full M licence with no accidents for like 2 years. I live on Dufferin st close to bloor and I am 25 years old male Serious replies only please because having a car is too expensive for me.

Will my car insurance increase?

I received a ticket for failure to obey street sign, because I went down a closed road. I was wondering will my insurance rates go up because of this? This is my first ticket and have been driving for about 6 years. If I go to traffic school, will it stop the rate from going up? From what I have read online, some people said it does effect and some say no. I have Allstate and live in CA. Any info is much appreciated.""

If you have your driving permit in Illinois and your parents have insurance do you need insurance ?

If you have your driving permit in Illinois and your parents have insurance do you need insurance ?

How much will it cost to insure my house cleaning business?

How much will it cost to insure and bond my house cleaning business? I have been running it solo for the last 6 months so I didn't to get bonded or anything, but I will be hiring 2-3 employees within the next month. How much can I expect the insurance and the bond to cost? And, for extra credit, what is the best type of insurance to get? I run it out of my home, if that makes a difference.""

How much does a HSG test cost?

My gyno wants me to get an HSG test done. I have PCOS and am trying to get pregnant. I live in Georgia and have Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance. I wanted to know how much it would cost and if i truely need to have this test done to get the perscription I need to become pregnant.

How much does a 09' Honda Civic Coupe run on insurance?

I'm looking to buy A new car, & just curious about the insurance costs.""

""Im an 18yr old girl, and can not find car insurance for under 2000, help?!?""

The car i'm trying to insure is a 1.1 Citreon Saxo, it has no modifications. The cheapest insurance i've found is with Tesco but this is still just shy of 2000. The comparison sites have all been useless, all coming out at over 3500. Any ideas would be appriciated?""

Camaro z28!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... insurance costs?

how much would insurance cost for a 1990-2000 camaro z28 cost for a 16 year old boy

Can you renew a car's registration with non-owners insurance?

I am driving a car that has no insurance that is owned by someone else. Obviously because of no insurance the secretary of state won't renew the tags. Will they renew the registration if I show them my non-owners insurance?

Can someone please explain what these new insurance laws are?

are we required to have insurance? do all companies have to offer insurance now? What percentage do companies have to pay for insurance? Thanks

How is insurance on a 2004 GLI?

I am a 17 year old High School Student I am a male and make Good grades, How much would insurance be on a 2004 VW GLI. Most of the cars I've been looking at are way to expensive to insure. Does it being a 4 door sedan lower the price at all.""

Is there a website to compare insurance comparison websites?

Is there a website to compare insurance comparison websites?

Do you have affordable car insurance in Tennessee?

Do you get a good deal on insurance? Where do you have yours?

What is the web site that offers free / affordable dental care?

my cousin told me to go online and look up free dental care. she didn't remember the name of the website. i did that and i got the website for my own dental insurance. i applied ...show more

Car Insurance when you're 17?

I'm starting driving lessons soon, and hopefully wanting to pass my test by the time I'm 18 and get a car, can you pay car insurance monthly at 17 or do you have to wait until you are 18 to do this? I would just like to know for in the future :) thanks!""

""Young Driver on Mitsubishi L200, what's the insurance like?""

Hey, I want to buy myself a pickup truck as I've wanted one since I was little. I'm currently driving a little 1.2 Corsa and it's WAY too small. Anyway I passed my test over a year ago and have now got a years no claims bonus, I also have done my Pass Plus, I'm wondering, if I were to buy a truck, I'm 18 at the moment and will still be 18 when I have it, what will the insurance be like if i'm the named driver? also how does this compare to if my parents are named drivers and i'm on their insurance? thankyou""

Car insurance for a 1973 corvette?

I'm 14 now but am starting to work. I want to buy a 1973 corvette. I would get it when I'm 16. What would the car insurance be for that car with my age?

Do I need to purchase additional insurance for a rental car?

I have my own insurance with good coverages. I am going on vacation and renting a car. Do I need to purchase the additional rental car insurance that they always offer you? Will my car insurance cover me at all in the event of an accident?

Do I still have to pay car insurance if....?

This is probably a really stupid question, but I'm sixteen, so please just answer... I've had my permit since last September. I've practiced, but my parents won't let me get my license because they can't afford the car insurance. We only have one car anyway. Well, say I were to register a motor vehicle, such as a 50cc moped, which only requires a basic license to use. Would I still have to pay car insurance for my family car if I don't drive it, AND a moped? Or can I stick to paying the motor bike insurance instead? I'm sorry, it's such a stupid question, but I don't know much more about car insurance other than the fact that we can't afford it. Thank you. (:""

Does anyone have any suggestions for affordable health insurance for the self employed?

I am a self employed horse trainer and can't find an insurance company to insure me for a reasonalbe amount of money.

Car insurance and Road Tax?

How many cars can be covered with a fully comp.insurance cover ... and road tax Is a person with a fleet of vehicles allowed to run a business for repairing and selling cars in a no through road, which is also taking up space for visitors and residents (who have to pay community tax) to park.""

Are VW Passats affordable cars to insure?

By affordable I mean are they good in crash tests and other factors like that which effect insurance?

Where can I buy 1-day car insurance?

I have my car parked in a storage facility in LA, CA and I want to sell it, but I don't have insurance to cover my drive from storge to the dealership. I've looked online for temporary/1-day car insurance but all the ones I find are the the UK. Does anyone know of any companies that offer temporary car insurance? Thanks!!""

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

What are some of the cheapest auto insurance companies for new drivers in G.A.?

What are some of the cheapest auto insurance companies for new drivers in georgia? the car i am trying to insure is financed, so I require the insurance to be full coverage, and i am also a new driver""

What would Jesus do I f he didn't have car Insurance?

what would Jesus do I f he didn't have car Insurance ? and there was no help from god?

How much would car insurance be for a first time driver ?

I'm getting my first car next month and i'm curious on how much car insurance will cost me ?

""My car insurance company sent me forms to fill out, after an accident. Do I need to do it?""

The police report states that I am not at fault. The passenger in my was badly hurt. My insurer wants me/my passenger to fill out a medical release/history form. I see no benefit in doing so. If the other driver does not have insurance, and we are not yet sure that they do, my insurer would pay my claim/my passengers claim under my uninsured coverage. If they have my passenger's medical history, they could try to find reasons to limit how much to pay out. They also want me to fill out a Report of Traffic Accident form. I have given a statement to the police, who said I'm not at fault. The other driver was cited, and I have also given an oral/recorded statement to my insurer. I don't' see the need to fill out an accident form. It just seems that my insurer is trying to cover their on *** in case my uninsured coverage kicks in. What if I don't fill these form out?""

What if i stop paying my insurance when i have a car loan?

i am leasing a new car, been paying for 3 years and this month i couldn't afford insurance so i stopped driving and started bike riding. well the insurance was cancelled for like 2 ...show more""

What penalities will I get having invalid car insurance?

Two nights ago police stopped me when I was delivering food and checked my insurance details. I had insurance for social purpose only. They told me to change my insurance to business insurance and they let me go with warning. Last night same guys stopped me again and again they checked my car and found me delivering food. Luckily they let me go again but they reported of the offense. What will happen now? will I get points or fine or what?

Is a 2006 TOYOTA SCION TC considered a sports car when getting insurance will the rate be more than getting 4

i want to get a 2006 TOYOTA SCION TC but not sure if its considered a sports car since its a coupe any know if the rate will go up alot ??

Proof of insurance?

My friend wants to use my car for his driving test here in california. I know the DMV will ask for proof of insurance. I have the insurance card in my glovebox, and am under my parents insurance, but im not the actual insurance holder with my name on the card. Im just a driver under there insurance. Is my friend still able to use my car, even though im not the primary insurance holder, just a driver on the policy? Do the parents have to be there in order for it to take place?""

Insurance for two vechiles with teen driver?

getting my license very soon and I want to buy a truck for many reasons but thats not important. With gas prices going up a pickup isnt the cheapest to just drive around so I also wanted a economy car. I was gonna buy a truck for around 5 grand and put that under my moms name and rank me as a restricted driver. Then get a beater civic for like 2500 insure it under my name and I would be the primary driver, and I could use that to drive to school and around town and use the truck to haul things and such. What would I be looking at in insurance costs""

Does Florida auto insurance work in Virginia?

What if you have Florida auto insurance coverage but you move to Virginia? Are you still insured?

Cheap health insurance that will cover dental?

I need some help. I can no longer work at one of my jobs and my new job wont provide insurance since it is part-time I need help and scared that i cant afford anything. i already cant afford student loans. is there any cheap insurance packages i can get in ct?

What is the definite BEST car insurance company?

My boyfriend and I are both 20 years old and we own a 2001 honda civic dx hatchback. Right now were on a plan with my brother so it's cheaper on us(Farmers insurance) but we are going to be moving out and getting our place and start paying for our own stuff. I'm confused as to which car insurance company is really the best because they all they they're the best. So really... tell me which car insurance company is the best and why. Allstate, The general, 21st century, geico, progressive, farmers, esurance or nationwide? Also note we live in california.""

Car Insurance question reguarding the color of the car?

I wanted to know if buying a red or black car will make you car insurance go up? or will it make it higher? Im looking in to buying a red car and lots of people are tell me that if i buy a red car that my insurance will go up. Is this true? like what it the percentage of this? Can some one explain this theory to me?

Dairyland insurance company for motorcycle?

How can they issue me registration over the phone? I'm located in Michigan and the local office has a different price then what I was quoted over the phone. Over the phone I pay $168, the office said it would be $330. I don't feel uncomfortable getting insurance over the phone but looks like I may have to. Is this okay to do and has anyone else done this before?""

My car insurance is renewing March 25th If i switch insurance companies March 1st?

Am i responsible for the whole amount of my insurance payment or am i responsible for being covered Feb 25 thru March 1st??

Does a car insurance company need to know the state in which the car will be used?

I am buying car insurance for a 21 year old child who will attend graduate school out of state. Primary address will still be with me. Car will be in my name; child/student will be listed as primary driver. Child/student will live in an apartment while at graduate school. Does the insurance company need to know in what state the student will be?

""In California, can I get my car title change into my name when I don't have auto insurance?""

In California, can I get my car title change into my name when I don't have auto insurance?""

""On average, how much does it cost to make your car completely legal in arizona?""

Im sitting here looking at cars, and in Illinois where I live it's like 266 to get plates & registration for our car on top of like 288 for car insurance. Is it alot more in arizona? How much more?""

Can I get my own car insurance policy with State Farm and still be covered on my parent's policy?

I have been on my parents' car insurance for a few years. I have a car that is covered by their policy, but I just bought another car (I still have my old one) and I need insurance. Can I get my own policy with State Farm, or do I have to bundle it with my parents' current policy? Will that be cheaper?""

If I own a business will I be forced to pay health insurance on my employees?

If I own a business will I be forced to pay health insurance on my employees?

What is an average rate of insurance for a 2004 Saab 9-3 Arc convertible?

I heard that insurance is expensive for a convertible. I was just wondering if someone could tell me an average price to insure this car?!?!?!

Totally outrageous car insurance quote?

I had some issues paying my car insurance and it was cancelled. I called by ins company today to renew it. They told me they couldn't renew my policy but they have a buddy company that can give me an insurance policy. So they get all my info and they quoted me 730 dollars a month! I understand I have bad driving history and I let my insurance get cancelled, but that doesn't seem right at all, I was paying 100 dollars a month before. That doesn't even seem like a real number to charge someone for car insurance, it's more than I pay for rent!""

Where can i get good health insurance?

i just got kicked off healthfirst with no warning so i need to find something fast please help :-)

K what insurance is the best?

car insurance. ?

Please recommend any cheap auto insurance companies in Kentucky!?

Louisville, Kentucky insurances are preferable or any national ones are fine.""

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

Nordland Washington Cheap car insurance quotes zip 98358

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-do-car-insurance-quotes-want-your-address-michael-jones/"