#i can barely spell queue

[nagumaow]

itoshi rin - “ lost ? “

summary ౨ৎ

your boyfriend, itoshi rin, always looks a little lost whenever he’s out with you. he doesn’t really get your antics, but he’ll follow you anyways ♡

warnings ɞ

loverboy rin lol, reader is described as pretty, beautiful, etc, oh oh and reader buys a dress , not much else , and ummm just lots of fluff and cutesy stuff and yeah !

“are you looking for something, sir?” a store attendant asks, a kind smile on her lips. she looks back at him— the man you love— who is also known as your boyfriend, rin. itoshi rin.

“no.” he’d respond, shaking his head at the woman. short and simple, as always. in all honesty, rin’s not too sure what he’s doing here. he watches as the lady leaves, his eyes immediately shifting to the dressing room. you told him to wait out here while you try on some outfits, but he feels like you’ve been taking a bit too long in there. are you hurt?

the thought alone is enough to make him feel a bit skittish, his foot tapping against the floor. he peers inside, glancing back at the endless stalls of dressing rooms. he eyes the one you stepped into— number thirteen. thirteen, thirteen, thirteen. are you okay? he feels a bit sick. what if something happened to you?

he spots you walking out after what felt like hours of nervously chattering his teeth, and he relaxes immediately. shoulders slumped and the crease from his eyebrows furrowing smoothing over, he finds his feet just barely grazing the little fencing of the queue. he knows he shouldn’t, it’s the women’s dressing room— but you’re right there, approaching him with that happy smile on your face.

“riiinn,” you draw out, and he feels his knees going weak. you’re so beautiful he’s almost sure he could cry. but he remains stoic, his hand reaching out to take some of the clothes for you. “look.” you say, holding up.. some sort of dress. he thinks he recalls you showing him a picture of something similar earlier today.

“you’ll look beautiful. let’s go pay now.” he’d say, his tone just as gentle as ever. he’s always like this with you. his hand reaches up, cupping your cheek and brushing aside your hair as he presses a sweet kiss to your forehead.

he reaches for your hand, leading you to the register. it’s usually you leading him, but he feels sort of bad for trailing behind you like a puppy.

the next time you both go somewhere, you’re bringing him to a cafe. your favorite one. yes, rin remembers these things. how could he not? he’d never forgive himself if he were to forget anything about you.

“mhm.. yes, can i please get (favourite order)?” you ask, expression bright. rin thinks you’re like the sun sometimes. shining so prettily. he wishes he could take a picture— but he’d feel like a creep pulling out his phone in the middle of a cafe and taking photos of you like some stalker. but you’re the absolute love of his life, why should he care?

probably because he knows you’ll get all embarrassed and flustered if he does pull out his phone like he wants to. as much as he’d love to capture your beautiful smile in a picture to admire when he misses you, he would much rather have you happy.

but, don’t blame him when he ‘sneakily’ snaps a picture of you. the tips of his flush a pretty shade of red when his flash goes off, and rin is so embarrassed that he feels like that reindeer with the red nose when he watches your lips part.

“rin!” you exclaim, practically dropping your drink as you look back at your boyfriend from across the table. “did you just—“

“i didn’t.” he mumbles, gaze shifting away from yours. his pale lips curve into a subtle pout, and you really can’t bring yourself to be upset. you just flash him a knowing smile, which only makes his heart beat faster and spin the stars around his head a little harder. have you put a spell or something on him?

rin likes going out with you.

he feels a little confused sometimes, especially when you’re walking down the sidewalk, eyes bright as you look at the stores lined up. rin knows you like shopping, so he’s more than happy to come with you on your little trips to the store. even if he has no idea what he’s doing.

all he knows, is that you look so gorgeous when you smile. nothing could ever compete with you and your undeniable beauty, the absolute joy that radiates off of you like some sort of angel’s aura whenever you’re happy.

he feels a little proud, knowing that he’s contributing to your happiness as you tug him along, your fingers interlocked with his.

he likes it when you smile, he likes it when you’re happy.

on your next date, your boyfriend has no complaints standing with you in a line for some sort store. you told him it was a new one, and that you’re so excited to look inside. he’s just happy to be with you.

when you’re both finally let inside, he follows after you, eyes focused on your form as you excitedly look through everything. he has to physically hold himself back from falling over. you’re so, so, cute. he lives for that smile.

“rin, rin!” you wave your hand in front of his eyes, a small giggle escaping your lips at the dazed, or more like, lovestruck expression on his face. “are you listening?” you ask, tilting your head and leaning closer to him.

“of course.” he says quickly, feeling just a little ashamed for getting distracted. “…i’m sorry.” he says after a few moments. should he drop to his knees?

“don’t apologise.” you smile, cupping his cheeks and squishing them slightly. if you both weren’t so caught up loving each other, you could almost hear someone in the background.. something about.. ‘why can’t that be me?’ single people, these days.

“what were you saying?” rin prompts, nose scrunching slightly as you pinch at his cheek. he loves you more than anything, but this is a little embarrassing. he feels like a child. yet, he somehow likes it. maybe because it’s you.

“oh, right! have a look at this dress!”

and that’s how rin finds himself standing in the middle of yet another store, looking like a little boy who’s lost his mother after you ran off. he sighs fondly, eyes sparkling as he watches you look through a shelf. he doesn’t care about anything in this store. as far as he cares, all of it is just a bunch of little things that will bring you joy.

your dates are always fun, rin thinks. but he likes it when the two of you are together at home, too.

you’re curled against him, scrolling through tiktok with your head resting on his shoulder. yes, he loves this. even if he has no idea what the video you’re showing him is supposed to mean.

“your humour is interesting, love.” he mutters, nuzzling his nose against your hair. a playful jab watered down by his love for you.

your boyfriend, itoshi rin, loves you more than anything.

© me . pls pls don’t copy , steal , repost , translate , or do anything bad with my work and instead try and improve ur own skills ! ♡

masterlist ( 🪽 )

[forgeofthenine]

What if Zevlor/Rolan/Dammon's partner is a virgin and when they are at the tiefling party said partner reveals that they would be their first?

This request has been combined with the following request from @mairalynn416 'How would the tieflings react to Tav being a virgin? (totally don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable)'

I had a great time writing these headcanons and I love having a bit of smut thrown into my requests queue, I hope you guys both enjoy!

NSFW under the cut, slight mention of overstimulation in Dammons part

Tiefling bachelors with a virgin partner

Dammon

Literally one of the sweetest men in existence

He can tell as you're both stripping each other that something's bothering you

Pauses the kisses trailing down your neck to ask what's wrong

Dammon can't help but chuckle a bit when you admit he's your first, you just look so adorable

Reassures you that you don't have to do anything you don't want to

When you give him the go ahead he's back to stripping you bare, hands roaming over every inch of you body

The type to lay you back against your bedroll and give you head until you have tears in your eyes

Dammon definitely says it's just because he wants you fully prepared for what's to come

Doesn't even take off his pants when he goes down on you, he's too invested

When you do get his pants off it's no surprise what you see is a bit intimidating

Dammons cock is large and ridged, precum beading at the top as it hangs between his thighs

When he's easing into you he's just so sweet, little praises of how good you're taking him and a deep purring in his chest

Takes things slow and will stop if he thinks he's hurting you

Once your hips press together he's more than happy to press a firm kiss to your lips, waiting for you to get used to the feeling

Dammon is one of the best men to have as your first

Zevlor

Just getting Zevlor into your bed is an incredible experience

Having him take your virginity too? Mind-blowing

He has plenty of experience, and as soon as you tell him all of it gets put to good use

Zevlor takes everything slow, kissing you sweetly and having you sit on his lap

Moving you to grind against his thigh as he pulls off both your shirts between kisses

I can see him stripping you both down to your underwear before having you keep grinding on him

And, like the rest of his body, his thighs definitely have some very convenient infernal ridges

The way you look cumming as you grind on him is almost enough for Zevlor to reach his own end

He holds off though, and positions you both properly for the rest of his plan

After a small check in to know you want this, he'll help you ease down onto his cock

While he prefers missionary, having you ride him is a way for you to control the pace yourself

He's even bigger than Dammon is, long and thick enough to stretch you to the limit as you ease down on him

The whole time Zevlor is holding your hips to keep you steady, murmuring praises and encouragement

So careful as you finally take all of him, he can't even look because he knows the such a sight will be too much for him

So sweet when he helps you start lifting your hips again

When you're with Zevlor you're in very good hands

Rolan

This might be a controversial take but I can definitely see him as still being a virgin at the time of the tiefling party

The two of you are tipsy and after weeks of heated looks and innuendo laced comments the two of you have escaped to your tent

After a heavy make out session, one that ends with hickeys covering your neck, you admit that you've never been with anyone before

Rolan is instantly flustered and turned on

It's an instinctive thing, so is the way he stumbles over his words as he admits the same

He's so blushy and adorable

The two of you take things slow, mapping out each others bodies as you undress, kissing over collarbones and down stomachs

Eventually, Rolans fingers find where you need him most, a murmured spell from his lips covering them in lube before he presses one into you

And dear Gods do his fingers feel good

They're so long and dexterous, easily curling to press those sensitive spots inside you

There's no prettier sight to him than how you look cumming as he fingers you

When the two of you can't handle the build up any longer Rolan will have you on your hands and knees as he eases in

He's a bit embarrassed for you to see his face as he groans at the feeling of you pressing in around him

Luckily while Rolan is long, his girth isn't as intense as the others, and the ridges rubbing against you feel all too good as you take him

He barely waits before making small ruts of his hips into you, so needy for the feeling of you squeezing around him

Honestly, Rolan is a top tier tiefling to have as your first and only

[prodigaldaughteralice]

So, I was tipped off a while ago by a post that’s probably still in my queue (I have a long reblog queue u_u;; ) that a few words were changed in the US edition of Monstrous Regiment. As it’s my favourite Discworld book, and I’d only ever read the US edition, I tracked down a second-hand UK first edition online and had a re-read as soon as it came, with my battered old US edition next to me so I could check when anything pinged me as ‘off’. Here’s what I found, not counting minor UK->US spelling changes like turning “girlie” into “girly”.

(There may be more that I missed, I didn’t have both copies open the whole time, but I’m pretty familiar with this book. As my sister teased me about when I mentioned I’d done this comparison, I did have it in my bed for several years as a teenager so I could reread it whenever my insomnia was hitting particularly hard.)

Spoilers from here on out, of course.

The first two are just kind of pointless? Changing “coprolite” to “coprolith”, which is just a less common word for the exact same thing, and changing “riff-riff-raff” to “riffraff” feels like they forgot Jackrum was playing drunk in that scene. Whatever. These don’t bother me.

There are a few UK->US type changes in the next one (“wooly vest” to “woolen undershirt”) which similarly feel pointless to me, but what really gets my goat is the last word. “The man’s bare chests,” plural, being changed to “the man’s bare chest”. Because that’s foreshadowing, but it’s not a giveaway, because on a heavier (cis) guy they do hang separate. It’s a nice little touch, and they took it out.

The next one is the one I’d been tipped off to, and it’s the change I’m the most annoyed about. “Turned her chair to the fire/around him the kitchen worked” -> “turned her chair to the fire/around her the kitchen worked.” I’m sure whatever editor changed it didn’t do so with any kind of malice or agenda, they just weren’t paying enough attention and thought they were fixing a continuity mistake, but it’s just such beautiful writing that they removed.

Because they’ve just had this incredible, delicate, vulnerable conversation about the girl Jackrum left behind him, and that that girl was him, and that he has a son out in Scratz and he doesn’t know what to do now that he’s leaving the army. Polly cries. And it’s Polly who suggests that he really can remain Jack Jackrum, he can go back to his son in medals and braid and be his father, and Jack gets to really settle in to the idea that he can be happy that way. Both those pronouns being “her” doesn’t feel wrong, necessarily; I always read it as Polly processing. But the switch between the two sentences is so beautiful. It’s a gentle closing of the conversation, it’s that girl being fully put behind him, and Sergeant Major Jack Jackrum (retired) getting to go on with his life.

The last one is just… odd. Inexplicable, and it’s the hardest to explain as just an editorial accident. They added a word that specifies something that was not previously specified. “One of them was Maladicta, in full uniform” becomes “one of them was Maladicta, in full female uniform.” I was thinking about it on this reread, and Mal is the only member of the squad who wasn’t publically outed at the Keep. Mal wasn’t involved in the actual raid— too busy gibbering and sucking on a sack of coffee beans— and at the trial Mal kind of stood in the back vibrating from caffeine overdose. Even Jackrum said “with vampires, who cares”. Only Polly knows about Maladicta.

And what that means is that Mal is the only member of the squad who could reasonably remain presenting as male in the army. Polly encourages a couple of young recruits in the very end that it’s their choice to enlist as men or as women, with Mal right beside her, and I think the original ambiguity there is really lovely— it doesn’t matter if Mal has an ‘a’ on the end at the moment, because Mal is there to help Polly fuck shit up, and that’s what matters. By adding the specificity, they just… took away a really nice bit of subtext, a really nice effect.

So yeah, I’m ticked off as a queer person about the (minor) subversion of the book’s general gender fuckery, but I’m almost more ticked off as a writer. Pratchett was so talented, and we talk about it a lot on a large scale of themes and motifs and characters, but he was also just so fantastic on a sentence to sentence level. This is craft! This is really beautiful, delicate writing, elegantly put together and perfected, and some US editors just. Took out some of it. And it’s still an incredible book! As I mentioned, I had it in my bed for years as a teenager so I could reread it over and over, it means a ton to me, it’s my favourite of his work and I love his work! But it hurts to see these little places where it was originally even better.

[thegodthief]

Inspired by a quite unhinged spell ...

~~~

He had no business looking that damn good in the casket, thought Angelica. Her brother's face looked plump as if from a well-fed life and not from the extreme water retention brought about by whatever had actually killed him. He looked like he was resting in preparation for some new and novel indulgence that would embarrass the family later.

As the mourners came to pay their last respects to him, social courtesy meant they would pay the ultimate respect to her, as the queue was constructed such that they would have to pass her after coming to terms with his passing. She accepted each offered hand graciously and took reluctant hands forcefully and made sure that everyone knew what a dutiful sister she was to see the matter to the very end.

So when she didn't reach to take Nathan's wringing hands after he made no attempt to offer them to her, she felt a deep sense of superiority. Until she heard his subtle sigh of relief as he passed her without comment or gesture. She stared after him wishing for him to fall and disgrace herself.

Alfred was but one of his lovers whereas she had suffered the greater loss of a dear brother. Fucks can be harvested anywhere and Nathan was only the crop of the month. Alfred loved his Byrons after all, and all Bryons self-destruct in the end. Only this time Alfred self-destructed first.

As she turned to face the next mourner, she leaned into Nathan's wake and caught the edge of a deep and greedy scent that reminded her of night gardens and desperate acts fulfilling forbidden wants. It was a familiar scent even as it was alien. She leaned further hoping to identify the scent as it faded, only to be grasped by the face as the elderly mourner mistook Angelica's posture as someone needing to be soothed. By the time she recovered herself, she was smothered by the mourner's expensively-scented lotion and any hope of smelling something different was ruined.

Angelica encountered Nathan again at Alfred's grave the next day. He wore no gloves but kept his hands warm by wringing them again and again. It was obvious that he had not chose where to stand based on any importance in relation to her, and that annoyed her. Where everyone else attempted to steal a glance or to give some silent expression of comfort, Nathan only had eyes for the indifferent absence in the ignorant earth. The breeze shifted and that deep flowery scent again teased at her. She watched him raise his hands to his face and breathe deeply. That he barely hid his silent sobbing in the process meant nothing to her. Everyone was supposed to be comforting her and he didn't not so much as acknowledge her place.

When all turned away from the gravediggers, the mourners escorted Angelica to the reception, except for Nathan. He kept his presence and his scent to himself, away from her, just like how he kept Alfred's last days to himself and notified no one. The hospital confirmed that this was Alfred's last wishes, and that he had signed papers years ago confirming that no blood relative of his was to be notified of his death until after his body had been prepared for burial. If not for state law, he would have kept even the notice of his passing from them entirely.

So fucking greedy of him, she fumed as she graciously accepted the hands of another comforter. She considered that he could have had everything he wanted in life if only he accepted the role he had been born into. Violent whispers from the back of the room caught her attention. The gentle Nathan was no so gently rebuking one of the mourners who was gesturing pleadingly in her direction. She crossed the room with ease. "Please, this is not the time for squabbles. Whatever it is, please allow me to bring it to rest."

The mourner glared at Nathan. "Give it to her, it's all she will have of her brother." His instruction now given, the mourner excused himself and left Angelica alone with her brother's last fuck.

"Give what to me? I was under the impression that he had nothing left to his name." She did her best to sound indifferent. She was ready to strip the clothes off her brother's favorite whore right there if it meant taking anything of him back.

Nathan brought his hands up to his face and breathed on them before holding his warmed hands before Angelica. She barely kept the facade of curiosity before the scent followed the drag of air and enveloped her.

Petunias.

Her eyes widened as she recognized the flower. Alfred's favorite plant, both for the appearance and the scent of the flower. He was mocked for being so enamored with such a little bloom that seemed to have no scent at all. She did not learn that petunias only released their scent at night until after he had fled from them.

Until after he had been swallowed by the nightlife rejected by the family.

Every place where he had laid his head would have a pot of petunias somewhere in his living space. He had become so prolific at growing them, he had developed a hybrid that sprouted flowers with a deep purple base marred with a single white line on each petal. It was a scent that was always clinging to him in some way.

And now that scent was clinging to this bitch of a fag. Her fury blew the scent away from her face as her hands began to itch. Nathan was already a thin man, so it wouldn't take much to shove him and say he tripped. It wouldn't take much to ...

"I only have one bottle. As you can see, it doesn't take much to leave a scent. A small amount covers so much skin and the petunias are so potent that they dominate the air. It's all I have left of him." Nathan brought his hands back to his face and breathed in deeply. "The petunias that gave their scent to this lotion are Alfred's. ... Were ... Alfred's. When he realized that he ... well ... he didn't want them going to waste, and that hybrid strain is so hard to grow that no one else has been able to grow them to bloom, and he knew that the hybrid would die with him ... so ... "

Nathan had kept his hands to his face and breathed deep of the scent again. Angelica noted that he was very careful not to actually touch his face, but instead used the warmth of his breath to warm the scent into life again.

She wanted to snatch the skin off his palm. Instead, she snatched a thread of intrigue. "So before he passed he had bottles of petunia lotion made. You only have one bottle. Did he have the others?"

Nathan lowered his hands in confusion. "He? Oh, the guy that was talking to me when you walked up? No, he wanted to buy my bottle. Apparently, Alfred's petunias have a scent that is unique to them and perfumers have been clamoring for a sample so it can be duplicated. Artificially duplicated. Which Alfred detested. The lotion can only be made in small batches, and this is the smallest batch of them all."

"Let me guess, there's only one bottle."

"Yes, there's only one bottle." Nathan's chuckles slipped into a deep, tearing sigh. "And Alfred's petunias are dead and disposed of. There will never be another bottle. All that he was, all that he had of himself to the very end, is in that one bottle, and that pig thought he could just buy it off of me. I guess he made us obvious to you in the hopes that if he couldn't have it, then I would hand it over to you. Everyone wants to take all that I have left of him away from me. All that's worth selling anyway."

Angelica wanted to take his hands and rub the lotion off them onto hers. "And what's not worth selling?"

Nathan looked into her eyes. Red rims framed bloodshot sclera which surrounded the palest blue irises that she had ever seen. "None of him is worth selling. Not his lotion. Not his flowers. Not his name. Not his memory. Not the way his hand felt against me. Not the way his face hid in the folds of my body when he couldn't distract himself from the torments he grew up with. None of him is worth selling. Not his life. Not his death."

Angelica took a step back as his words growled through clenched teeth. For a moment he seemed large, angry, and feral. He raised a fist, and the scent of petunias once again dominated the space between them. The scent seemed to unmake him.

"My... I'm... My apologies, Angelica. You put together this wake for him, and here I am, about to make it about me. Alfred is gone, and I think the more I hold on to the last pieces I have of him, the less I will be present for anything else. Everything fades. Everything dies. Everything become less over time, and the sooner I walk into the years without him, the better it will be for me, I think. I loved him, Angelica. I love him, Angelica. And I know you think me nothing but a fuckboy, and maybe I was to him. He had so many, you know. But to me, he was the garden in which I could bloom. And now my season is done."

Nathan reached into his suit and pulled out a small thing that was wrapped in a silk handkerchief. As he unwrapped it, she saw Alfred's initials embroidered on the silk. The unmarked bottle was as long as Nathan's hand and as wide as two of his fingers. The thin plastic made it easy to see the contents. It was still quite full, to the point that some vendors would dare to say that it was full enough to sell.

Nathan held it out to her.

"He's right. You should have it. I have many, many memories of Alfred. Many good and bright memories to keep me comforted in the dark. You should have a memory of him, of his last work, of the Night Without Dawn."

Angelica's hands were already reaching for the bottle when she realized Nathan's last words were a bit too cryptic for her taste. "I'm sorry, what? Night without a dawn?"

"The formal name of his petunia hybrid. Night Without Dawn. The deep purple of the petals signifies the deep hues of midnight, and the white line is a shaft of moonlight lighting the path to satiation. Or something like that. When Alfred decides to be romantic, there are many, many words involved."

"Ah." Angelica spoke without understanding, making a noise to satisfy the social contract that some noise of response must be uttered. She took the bottle and the handkerchief from Nathan, already thinking of how to have a sample analyzed for duplication, how to spin the narrative that only Nathan knew in truth into something that would profit her.

Suddenly, Nathan's hand closed around the neck of the bottle, stopping its movement. "Be careful with it. There are no preservatives in this batch. Do not contaminate it with pipettes and swabs. This was not made to be analyzed. You only need a little bit. A dab on the hands. A swipe to be rubbed into the face. The scent will be overpowering at first, but as you get accustomed to it, you will be tempted to use more and more to get that initial rush of scent again. Don't. The Night Without Dawn is not meant to be devoured, but courted, lest it takes you into itself and leaves only your regrets behind."

Angelica slowly pulled the bottle free from Nathan. "I will honor his memory and his words. As a sister should. Thank you."

Nathan pulled his hands to his face as if to pray. "Ah, see, already the scent has left me. I suppose it could be because you have the bottle, his bottle. But I still have his memories. Farewell, Angelica. Bear your burden well."

Angelica never noticed the self-satisfied subtle smile that Nathan left her presence with. She was too busy smelling the lotion and trying to identify the underlying sweetness that both attracted and repulsed her.

At first Angelica abided by the warnings and used the petunia lotion very sparingly. But as warned, she began to have difficulty smelling the deep scent and started using more to restore the initial flush of scent. When others noticed that the lotion was smelling less of flowers and more like rot, she accused them of being jealous of her treasure.

One of her attendants managed to take a sample one day and sent it off for analysis. Angelica discovered the theft immediately and threatened to beat the attendant for the misbehavior. The attendant, once a loyal acolyte that would have accepted the brutality as a proper penance, pleaded for Angelica to stop using the petunia lotion as it was having a horrible effect on her hands and face.

Angelica's fingerprints had faded almost immediately, but she attributed that to the light acid nature of the lotion. A mild exfoliant, she reasoned. She did not notice that her eyebrows had stopped growing back, reasoning instead that her regular facials had finally tamed her unruly genes. The thinning of her lips were attributed to her healthier lifestyle now that she wasn't eating so much or being exposed to unnecessary sunlight. How much better was it to walk in the night under moonlight to get her exercise. How much better was it to conduct her interviews in darkened rooms without glare.

When the lab results detailed dangerous levels of bacteria-produced toxins, she demanded that a fire be made for the sole purpose of dramatically throwing a printed report into it. She deleted the file that was emailed to her with ease, but had a harder time turning away the health agency that had been called to investigate the source of the sample.

The lotion was Alfred's masterpiece, after all. How could it possibly contain bacteria strains that only grow in cadavers? Alfred had been buried for months, and surely any contaminated products would have made themselves known by now.

Angelica's attendants began to abandon her, one by one. The newest to arrive was the first to leave. And so it went until only her oldest friend and confidant dared to stand in her presence. She pleaded with her employer, her friend, her lover, to discard Alfred's petunia lotion before more than her skin is affected.

Angelica threw her out of her home personally and with less of a struggle than she had foreseen. Her hands now soiled with the detritus of another, she scrubbed them thoroughly before seeking to apply a healthy amount of petunia lotion.

Or, that was her intent.

The bottle was empty. The thin plastic revealed where thin films of lotion remained clinging to the sides, but no amount of shaking or blasphemy could move the shadows to the mouth of the bottle.

So she seized a knife and sliced the bottle open instead.

The scent that action released had nothing to do with petunias. Nothing to do with flowers. Nothing to do with anything pleasant or sweet or romantic.

The eviscerated bottle smelled like warm rot.

Angelica screamed in cracking tones as she was denied Alfred's presence once again. She called for her attendants before remembering that her attendants had abandoned her. She called for her house servants before remembering that she had fired them. She called phone numbers at random before remembering that she had excused herself from all the spaces she used to hold court before ...

Before ...

Before Nathan gave her Alfred's Night Before Dawn.

It took some work, but she was able to track down Nathan's phone number. Her hands, oozing and cracking as the guise of wholesomeness continued to fail, wiped the ichor left by her bleeding face off the glass of her smartphone as she stabbed at the speakerphone icon.

"Hello?"

"MORE! I WANT MORE!"

"Who... oh... Angelica. Hello."

"NO! NO NICE WORDS! MORE LOTION!" She shrieked as the effort to speak caused her skin to crack.

"You have the only bottle. Wait, you still have the bottle of petunia lotion? It's been... how long... ?" Nathan could be heard counting the weeks since the funeral.

She did not wait for him to finish. "WHERE IS THE FORMULA! I WILL MAKE MORE!"

"You can't. Alfred is dead. The petunias are dead. All attempts to clone them or breed them have failed. Even if I gave you the recipe, you can't reproduce Night Without Dawn. Even though you're experiencing it."

Angelica held suddenly very still. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"

Nathan laughed without mirth. His voice sounded as cold as moonlight. "The fragrance of the petunia can be overwhelming. Did you notice? So overwhelming, that it can cover more important scents, such as rot. Do you want the recipe, Angelica? Do you want Alfred's memory?"

She started shivering as a chill ran through her veins. "What... What memory?"

There was a strange boop from the phone and Nathan's voice changed. His voice was suddenly very quiet on the phone, very personal, as if he had answered on speakerphone and had now made the call very personal.

"Tell me, Angelica, Angel, why did Alfred like the night so much? Why did he like strong smelling flowers so much? What was he trying to find comfort in the absence of light, in the absence of smell, in the absence of being that only a night without dawn could give him, dear angel? He told me of you always dominating the light and never giving him even so much as a glimmer to call his own. What did you do to him that he would not let you have him even in death? Don't answer, I already know."

Angelica was unable to speak as a fear crawled through her body in the wake of the chill.

"When I saw you at the funeral, I didn't want to go through with it. Alfred's petunias were all that I had left of him, and it was by his instruction that they were all sacrificed to make that one bottle of lotion. They were all I had of him, and it was his last wish to give it to you. I thought that you didn't deserve it, what he had planned. I wanted to keep it all for myself."

"But then I saw what the lotion was doing to my hands, to my fingertips, and I remembered what he told me about what you did to him, in the night garden, under the moonlight. I remembered and realized that you deserved to have this last memory of him."

"Do you want the recipe, dear angel? Are you going to make another bottle of atonement to purify you of your sins? Are you going to be able to handle the bottle of acid strong enough to hold your sin at bay? Are you going to be able to wash yourself in one last act of penance, like I did when he died, in the night garden, under the cold rays of moonlight that gave him a glimmer of peace at last?"

"You see, dear angel, the petunias that Alfred had bred had too strong a scent to be used on their own. Like like sunlight is too strong for someone so delicate as Alfred. The scent had to be balanced. And the scent that balanced it best, was the scent of death. For all of Alfred's experimental batches, he used simulated death, artificial scents, and for the most part, that sufficed enough to make batches that he could sell. That he could profit from. That he could use to fund his life without your interference."

"But this last bottle, his gift to you, would require something much more personal. The water I used to make the last bottle of lotion is the water I used to wash his corpse with. That scent of rot that balanced his petunias is the culmination of everything you did to him, in the night garden, under moonlight."

Angelica shivered as her body curled up on the couch, only to fall upon the floor. She felt the skin of her face move separately of the twitching muscles that kept her jaw firmly locked. She struggled to breathe, but could still hear Nathan's calm breathing in the call.

"Are you still there? Ah, yes, I hear you spasming. I suppose I will do the honorable thing and hang up this call to call a medic for you. Or a coroner. See, you have been seeding yourself with rot all this time. The formula numbs the skin at first, and then as the bacteria takes hold, the toxins produced numbs the body. I didn't think you would notice, but I'm sure your attendants did. Did they try to warn you? Or did your greedy arrogance chase them away? No bother. If you can't answer, that means you're in sepsis."

"He died peacefully, even though his body looked otherwise. He died in my arms, having found warmth in the moonlight, and a love that you could not devour."

"Good night, dear angel. Good night."

[zydrateacademy]

Review - Star Wars: The Old Republic

As with any 14 year old game, especially of the MMO genre, one can expect that it’s gone through a few changes. I cannot speak for its current viability, as I’ve heard from some players that they’ve been a bit lax with any major expansion update for some years now, in the same timeframe as the COVID pandemic which may have affected their workflow. So getting into this game really depends on what you want out of a game or MMO.

The usual MMO trappings reveal themselves in short order; between not being able to equip purple “epic” gear, only being able to hold a certain amount of credits, and the fact that your level cap will be 60, locking you out of four or so major content updates. A single month purchase will unlock the rest of it permanently. I was lucky enough to have a friend to sponsor a couple of months in my era of unemployment, but I won’t lie to you: The hard cap and content lockout was annoying, but unfortunately not entirely unheard of for MMO operations.

In my recent ~140 hours I’ve only done the multiplayer Flashpoints (the 4-person dungeons through a group finder queue). I highly recommend turning General chat off in the Fleets. 

I’m here to tell you that as a free player, playing this game like an extended KOTOR-3 is an entirely viable way to go about it.

Everyone has their own opinions and tier list of various class stories. Having done up to Chapter 2 throughout most of them and finished only two or three, it really is a subjective preference. I found the Sith Warrior to be highly engaging, while the Jedi Consular bored me to a point where I’ve lost the thread and I’m not really sure what was going on at all after a certain point. I’m told the Jedi Knight is basically the unofficial KOTOR3 on its own, but the shadow of Revan is around regardless of who you play as. 

Ultimately every origin story has their own power struggles that run mostly concurrently with each other with the occasional and rare overlap, until the various expansions where your singular PC morphs into a singular character with vague mentions of all the origin characters being in the wind, dead or missing. This runs the risk of what the original content excelled at, each origin feels very unique and (most of) their stories are engaging. But in doing so they had more or less written themselves in a corner and their way out of it was making the dialog more generalized, my Sith Warrior main barely makes any mention of being Sith but in the rare moments and most of their jerk dialog just amounts to “I will destroy you” rather than “The Sith will return”, because they had to account for all the other characters at once.

I am currently playing through the “Fallen Empire” arc and while I am highly engaged, I do feel like it takes place in a different universe but in a somewhat good way. The aesthetics of the Eternal Empire feel at odds with the aesthetics of the franchise. I have my Sith Warrior dressed in the usual black and red Darth-y stuff, and I look like a cartoon character as I traverse a corridor with more realistically designed Netflix-show-esque outfits.

Gameplay? It’s an MMO. Third person, WASD movement, action bars. Unfortunately the game doesn’t have an Addon/Mod system but it has an ingame interface editor which is fairly easy to use and you can scale the UI to your preferences. 

Frankly I got a lot of WoW flashbacks as I played it after eight or so years away. The Operative/Assassin/Shadow classes effectively operate like a rogue, with stealth and single-target stun abilities. In that way it can feel a bit dated, but makes up for it with the story flow and doesn’t bog you down too heavily with a hundred skills and spells.

At a certain point the whole game feels like a Mass Effect game with a Star Wars skin painted over it, because once you’re in your 60’s you have most of your class’s kit and once you figure out a skill priority and order your action bars around it’s unlikely you’ll need to rearrange it much after that, and then it just feels like a Mass Effect ability bar. So it’s just a matter of running around the story, but there’s a scaling issue where you’re constantly over-leveled for the area so to make sure you’re not one-tapping bosses, you’ll be scaled down to the content for the entire duration of the game, until whatever the endgame loop zone at 80 is. This is unlike a Bioware game where, even if you play on a set difficulty, their games become progressively easier as you upgrade. Sadly here in SWTOR, my Darth is struggling against basic droids. Where it originally excelled at the power fantasy of a lightsaber wielding Jedi, over time you just become some random with a sword.

The game isn’t difficult, just time consuming. But the experience is very much comparable to a distant KOTOR sequel and if that’s the vibe you’re going for, there’s a lot of bang for little buck here. The initial game is free and you can get a couple of hundred hours on it easily. Even when I was stuck at a lower level cap it still took me 40-60 hours getting through one story, but I was doing a little bit of side-faff like Flashpoints and Roleplay. So maybe every class story could potentially be accurately summed up as 20-40 hours of gameplay… and there’s eight origins to play through, each with eight subclasses to experience. There’s a lot of game here, and it’s hard to argue with free.

[steveinscarlet]

Another vintage Kerrang article for your delectation. This one is loooong. Text below the cut...

THEY'RE ALL concerned and they all want answers. Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee, hauling ass down Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, in a sparkling silver Corvette, certainly does. So does Blackfoot mainspring Ricky Medlocke, a recent unexpected apparition within the Marquee's glistening vaults. So does just about everyone I've met in the course of recent field-trips. They're all wearing that 'there but for the grace of God' look and they all want to know. So do I...

"Every time you speak to Rick on the phone you come away with a big grin on your face because he's in such good spirits. He's handling it better than I thought he would. He's matured 10 years overnight. He's totally accepted the fact that he's only got one arm and he's being very realistic about coming back into Def Leppard. He's mad to go for it, though, and we're mad to let him try."

That drummer Rick Allen will try, however, isn't in doubt. He's adamant about it and Leppard vocalist Joe Elliott is equally adamant that the band will give him their unrestrained support. As they've said all along, the decision is totally his "We aren't trying to show off or get sympathy," spells out Joe, "it's just the way we are. Def Leppard is simply five lads - we could have been a football team, we could have been international bank robbers. Rick's a mate, and just because he's had an accident doesn't mean he can't still be in the band. If he physically can't do it then obviously there's going to be problems, but with the technology available today I don't see why he can't play snare drum with his left foot, say. And if he can do that, and maybe have tom tom fills already recorded on a trigger, then the kit would look exactly the same. "Bill Ludwig, who builds Rick's kits, actually got in touch with him as soon as it happened, and it seems that there's a lot of one-arm drummers, guys who came back from Vietnam, y'know. The thing is, they tend to play Holiday Inns and places that like that; it's a different approach to drumming. Rick has a very John Bonhamish style - I mean, the quy doesn't need monitors, he's ridiculously loud! - and he'd never be able to do with one hand what he did with two for an hour and three quarters. It would kill him! So he's gonna need the technology. It's just down to whether he can accept the fact that there are gonna be people in the crowd trying to peer through the cymbals to see a plastic arm. He'll have to wear a shirt now, whereas before he'd always go bare-topped..."

THE DETAILS of the car crash that removed 21- year-old Rick (temporarily at least) from the Leppard ranks have been pretty well documented, grabbing column inches in the Nationals and beyond. The bare facts seem plain enough: at 12.50pm on New Year's Eve, while driving his Corvette along the A57 from Sheffield to his parents home in Dronfield (Derbyshire), Rick was involved in an incident which sent his car spinning out of control, turning over several times, injuring his female passenger and removing his left arm in the process. He remembers what happened vividly, and really can count himself fortunate to be alive. When the debris from the accident was examined it was found that the top half of the steering wheel had been bent back, Rick's particular power clearly preventing the steering column and dashboard from crushing against his chest. But why did it happen?

Picking through the events with Elliott it soon becomes obvious that the whole story is a little more complex than yer typical life-in-the-fast-lane pile up. Think about it...

When you're young and successful, with a streamlined US car and a female companion to match, it can sometimes sting the nasal membrane of the folks you've abandoned to a dole queue existence in your humdrum hometown rut. People have been known to glow green with jealousy, and on New Year's Eve people have been known to take a drink. Sometimes even a life...

"Yeah," says Joe quietly. "There was another car involved in the accident."

Mucking Rick around, you mean?

"That's right. But the people have denied it and there's nothing we can do. The coppers have interviewed them but it's no good I'd love to go round and kill 'em!"

Joe takes a moment to collect his thoughts, then continues... "The arm was placed in a bucket of ice gathered from all the houses nearby and Rick was in hospital (the Royal Hallamshire) within 19 minutes, which is unbelievable. He underwent an 11-hour operation; his arm was back on by ten to one the following morning, but infection set in and after three days they had to take it off.

"His nerves are still alive, though. They've got them wrapped up like spaghetti, and it's possible to have them connected up in a way that can give movement to a prosthetic arm. So the Steve Austin 'Six Million Dollar Man' thing is not beyond the realms of possibility one day. Rick still feels his arm because of the nerves."

When did you hear what had happened?

"I heard at about ten to four the same afternoon and I couldn't believe it. I cried like a baby for about three hours - my face was hurting. Peter (Mensch, manager) rang and said, 'Rick's had an accident, his arm's off, but they've sown it back on'. I've heard of that working before but unfortunately it was torn off, not cut off, so everything snapped and stretched in different places, which made it more difficult."

How soon after the accident did you visit Rick in hospital?

"I saw him two days after it happened... it was the worst experience I've ever had... but he was walking a week earlier than expected and telling the nurses to f**k off after three days because he was fed up having his bandages changed. He sounds in fine form now and wants to get back; drumming's all he's ever done, and he's done it very well."

"It's just up to him if he can stand the strain. I mean, he's going to go through some crap. He's not had it yet, but he's gonna suffer from depression; bad depression. He's being very realistic about it, though. He said to me, 'When it comes, it comes.' He wants to come out here to Holland but he knows he can't."

Presumably he won't be ready to play a part on the forthcoming tour?

"No, and he knows that. Somebody will guest with us until we know the result of Rick's convalescence." Would you consider using two drummers on any subsequent tours?

"Possibly, yeah, and Rick could do specific bits. We've definitely thought about that, but he's got a lot to learn first. I mean, there's certain things that are now a fact of life. If Rick wants to wear baseball boots, for example, he's gonna have to wear Velcro ones. And he's probably gonna need press-stud trousers. He's got to learn to bath himself even..."

"The thing is, at the moment his right arm doesn't work. The ball is smashed so they've had to pin it. He's got a six inch pin as big as a poker in there. Imagine if your elbow was sown to your hip; well that's all the movement he's got. I guess he's a bit of a mess, though mentally he's the best he's ever been."

What would happen if Rick returned to the band yet clearly wasn't cutting it? Would you have to tell him? "No, because he'd know himself. He's said that to me on the phone. He's being realistic- if he can't do it he can't, but he's definitely gonna try. There'll come a time when Rick will say, I'm ready, and we'll get together in a rehearsal room for a month and see what he does. He'll either turn round and go

'Yes!' and we'll go 'Yes!', or else he'll say 'Sorry, I'm not coping with it.'

"The important thing is that he tries, otherwise he'll never know, and that would be awful. I know he'd rather fail than not try at all. Besides, it's no big secret that we use drum machines on the records so, whatever happens, he could still be involved on that side. We would just take a session drummer out on the road."

"At the moment, we're trying not to get too depressed about the whole situation, but we were mega-depressed at first. I was in a real state, like a zombie for five hours, and for quite a time after I just didn't want to get into a car. I know it's daft, but it's true

A BONHAM of the biscuit tins, a Titan of the tupperware, since the age of 11 Rick Allen has thought of little outside of drums and drumming. At the moment he's at home, probably watching Cheech & Chong videos on the new system bought for him by Phonogram Records. But chances are that his thoughts are elsewhere, no doubt wafting with the music around the booths and corridors of Wisseloord Studios near Amsterdam, Holland, where Leppard are recording their fourth, as yet untitled, LP. As always, he's with his colleagues 110 per cent (for now it can be in spirit only), a continued commitment that should spur him on through the tough weeks and numerous hospital visits ahead.

Prior to the accident, he'd laid the groundwork for eight backing tracks, and the remaining two songs on the album were always destined to feature a less human touch, the band specifically wanting a more clinical punch, so there's no problem on that front. As for his work on backing vocals, well, Elliott can easily deputise in that department, leaving Rick free to concentrate on the speediest recovery possible and, as Elliott puts it, "Learn to live again. He's having all these drums built and a special car designed, all sorts of stuff..."

All things considered, '84 certainly wasn't an easy year for Def Leppard, a rude awakening for an almost unbroken streak of good fortune. First longstanding associate 'Mutt' Lange proved unable to produce the new LP, likewise his replacement Jim Steinman (though for different reasons - read on!), and then came The Accident, which instantly eclipsed all previous hassles, reducing apparent mountains of doom and dismay to easily skirted molehills. But, if anything, adversity has caused the four active members of the Leppard clan to virtually graft respective beaks to the grindstone in a collective consummate effort to make their next album their best.

The band's first LP, 'On Through The Night', produced by (Colonel) Tom Allom, took a mere 18 days to record and remains something of an embarrassment in Elliott's eyes (someday he'd like to remix it and touch up a few of the vocal parts), while the second, 'High 'N' Dry', with Lange now at the helm, was laid down in three and a half months, including a month's pre-production, bang, bang, bang, 'Mutt' clearly wanting to capture the excitement generated by these 21-year-old 'let's go for its'. But 'Pyromania' now that was a different story, with band and producer (Lange again) making a conscious decision at the outset to pin back the ears of a generation with something of genuine lasting quality; an attempt to update the glories of Queen's 'Sheer Heart Attack' and 'Night At The Opera' LPs...

They went for it in a big way and 10 months later came up trumps, creating a slice of history that many have doubted they'll be able to top; an album that left the whole of the music industry wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and caused bands both big and small to almost instantly re-assess their directions and aims. A (hard) labour of love still selling around a thousand a week, it broke taboos and set fresh standards right down the line.

"Hopefully, it'll be an Heavy Metal 'Sergeant Pepper...'," says Elliott, "who knows, but we've got to do more. It'd be tragic if our best album was our third and we end up doing 17 LPs."

Whatever the next album sounds like, however, Joe's convinced that it's gonna be slated by the press. He's resigned himself to the fact (not having heard the record beyond a few notes ricocheting out of the studio doors, I really can't comment), but, along with bassist Rick Savage and guitarists Steve Clark/Phil Collen, he's ploughing on regardless, helping to create something different to 'Pyromania' in content yet as good, if not better, overall.

"Since 'Pyromania' we're two years on technically," he explains. "The Fairlights are better, the keyboards are better and the microphones are better. And we're two years more experienced, of course. Actually, we keep putting on 'Pyromania' and listening to it back-to-back with what we've done; you have to imagine it without the mix, but it's definitely up there to my ears."

JOE ELLIOTT leans forward in the chair, tucks a fold of his rather battered dressing gown tight against private parts and pours himself another glass of one cal Coke. This for the moment is home, and has been since the middle of August: a simple hotel room in Holland ten minutes drive from the studio complex. Originally, the band were due to play the 'Mick Wall Festival' in Rio, but they eventually decided against it on grounds of not wanting to interrupt recording. So while certain jammy so-and-so's were sunning themselves on the Copacabana sands (maaaan!!), Elliott and co, tax exiles all, were trudging across frozen lakes, wrapped up tight against temperatures of 25° below! Still, there's always next year And if nothing else, in their present position the four are conveniently cut off from all domestic distractions. Through the hotel room window I can see Dirk, Elliott's treasured Renault 12 (and centrespread star of Kerrang! 79), basking quietly in the hazy sunlight, the central motif on an idyllic pastel canvas shaded only by the distant foghorn fuming of an adrenalised Peter Mensch. Somewhere, behind closed doors, he's informing an unfortunate Halfin that a five-piece outfit close to the latter's wallet have been 'stiffing' horribly in the South, and he doesn't mean Torquay! Let's just say he's on form...

Later, on the flight back to London, having persuaded Mensch to fund my purchase of a duty free Sony Walkman in tasteful pink, I tentatively suggest that the forthcoming Leppard biography should be titled 'Me & My Whine'...

"OH, YEAH, DAAAN-TAY!!" he snaps, blood vessels popping like balloons, "AND HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO THINK THAT ONE UP???"

Back to business...

"We've always upheld the theory," theorises Joe as things quieten down, "that we don't want to put out a record every nine months. We'd much rather put out a record every two to three years that's of real good quality

"When we started this album 'Mutt' was involved; we did pre-production with him in Dublin, Ireland, which is why we've put him down again on the songwriting credits. It's an honesty thing with us. He doesn't write anything as such; the six of us just sit round a table with a piece of paper in front of us and guitars turned down really low, then whoever chucks in an idea - be it Rick or 'Sav' or me or 'Mutt' - we play with it."

"Steve, for example, will come up with an idea and 'Mutt' will say, 'Change that round', 'Use this', 'Do it in another key', ' or whatever. It just creases me up to think that there are some people out there who look at us and say, 'Ha! They can't write their own songs', which isn't true at all. And even if it was, I'd much rather be involved with an album that sold six million copies co-written with a producer than one that sold 200,000 copies that wasn't."

Surely helping with the arrangements and so on is part of a producer's job, though "Yeah, right, but it's almost as if it's some kind of crime to let your producer be involved. That's what a producer's there for - to kick you up the arse and bring out the best that you can do. We encourage 'Mutt' to be involved and we repay him by sticking his name on the songwriting credits. Who cares! It's only a bloody song anyway..."

Isn't it true, though, that a lot of producers are really just glorified engineers and can't make the extra step up to that level of involvement?

"Yes, that is true, but 'Mutt's an exception anway because the guy's a musician, he's been an engineer since he left school - he's been doing it for 17 years and he's only in his early thirties now and he's also a brilliant singer and great songwriter, so you've got everything going for you! Whereas an engineer will be able to tell you if something's out of tune, 'Mutt' can go further than that and say, 'It doesn't feel right' or 'Sing it this way, shape your mouth like this, let's alter the phrasing'. "With most engineers, if it's in tune and it's what you want then it's a take, and that's all their job is, because if it's that way round it's normally the band who are producing, the way we are with this album. I noticed in Kerrang! it implied that Nigel Green is now producing – he's not, we are. Nigel's assisting." "Actually, he's worked with us on our last two albums, though not as main engineer. Mike Shipley was always our main engineer. Nigel's as good as Mike, it's just that at the time he was involved in other projects; so when Mike took a holiday or went to the dentist Nigel would come in. We've never worked with him on a long term basis before but we do know him."

What happened with 'Mutt' Lange, though? As I understand it, he originally agreed to produce the album as well as help out on pre-production...

"Yeah. In fact, he was still going to do it last February. We started with pre-production, as you've mentioned, but it soon became obvious that 'Mutt' was in no state to see the whole thing through. The Cars' album ('Heartbeat City') nearly killed him; our last album nearly killed him, and the Foreigner record ('IV') the same. I think he's just reached the stage now where to attain certain standards you're talking about grafting for a long time."

"The way we worked on 'Pyromania', for example, we were doing 20 hour days and the guy was sleeping on the couch in the control room. You just can't do that forever, so for the sake of his health he made a wise decision not to do our album. At the time, we were panicking; we thought, 'Oh, Christ!', cos things had all been planned. It wasn't a case of us being afraid of what the album would sound like if 'Mutt' wasn't there, it was simply the availability of other producers that we were concerned about. With top people like Ted Templeman, Mike Stone or Trevor Horn, you've got to book 'em years in advance, you can't just get in touch two weeks before you want to start..."

"Actually, we did approach Templeman just to see how much he wanted, and I don't think he was too keen to do it; he put in such a ridiculous money offer that no band in the world would have accepted it! But then we really wanted somebody a bit different, anyhow. We were interested in the people I've already mentioned initially because we thought, well, these are the names that we've listened to, Bob Ezrin, y'know. But then we started to think about people like Alex Sadkin, who we found was doing the new Foreigner album ('Agent Provocateur'). Trevor Horn would have worked with us in England, but Chris Thomas (Roxy Music, Procol Harum) turned us down flat - he obviously doesn't like us. We actually tried to get Phil Collins, who was interested but tied up with the latest Clapton LP ('Behind The Sun')."

So you were looking at people outside the world of heavy rock...

"Yeah, we were looking at up and coming producers like Terry Manning, who's engineered for ZZ Top, and Steve Lillywhite, who's yet to do a hard rock album but possibly could do a good one. Some of us were interested in him, some of us weren't. I like the fullness of Simple Minds' 'Sparkle In The Rain' LP, it's brill, but sounds are really no problem for us now, we can get good sounds; the thing we always like to have is musical input, and that's where we thought Steinman would come into his own. I mean, the guy's a good songwriter and he's had a hell of a lot of success with what he does."

He worked on the last Billy Squier album, 'Signs Of Life', with Tony Platt, didn't he?

"Yeah, well, he 'navigated' it is what Squier says. We thought, OK, we'll get the sounds and let him do the producing, but it turned out that Jim wasn't really what any of us thought he would be. In fact, I wonder how he's ever got a production credit on anything - especially with Squier, the kind of ego he's got. I can't understand why he even let Steinman's name appear on his album cos we're not putting it on ours."

What was the problem with Steinman then?

"Ahh... I wouldn't be lying if I said that you could have done it as well. I mean that. The guy just sat there reading 'Country Life' all day and going, 'Yeah, yeah, that sounds good', when it plainly wasn't. He's simply not used to recording the way we record. When we said, 'Listen, this is the way we work, you'd better get used to it', he tried and he couldn't. He just could not hear if something was wrong."

Were your standards too exacting for him, do you think?

"Possibly, yeah. It sounds strange to say that, though, cos to me those standards are normal. Doing 'Pyromania' was like going to college; I've grown up listening to things a certain way. As far as I'm concerned, getting the timing, the tuning and the feel spot on is the usual way to work, but Jim Steinman for all his reputation - could not hear it."

"After a while, we just thought, well, this is silly, we're wasting our time and money and wasting his time, though we weren't too bothered about that cos he wasn't too bothered about the project. I honestly don't think he was doing it for any reason other than credibility in the States. "We'd say, 'Right, we start at 12', and he'd wander in at 3.30. We'd stay till 12 or one in the morning, then he'd go back to his hotel and start writing songs for his own future projects, and he'd be up till nine o'clock doing that. So when he finally got round to us, he'd only had five hours sleep. he wasn't there half the time. I mean, he was there in body but not in mind. We found more and more that we were doing the work, which was fine, we didn't mind doing it, we just thought, why the hell should we be giving this guy so many points and so many dollars to sit there reading 'Country Life'!"

So how much did you manage to accomplish with Steinman?

"We did about eight backing tracks and scrapped them; almost everything has been done again. And even the things that went down were our decision Steinman never overruled us on anything. If he said a certain take was good and we said it was bad, we'd do it again."

Who was actually getting the sounds at this stage?

"Us and Neil Dorfsman, Steinman's engineer. He was good, actually, cos he was doing all the work. Jim was the ears of the partnership, but the ears were plugged up, I think..."

"Y'know, it annoys me intensely when a producer walks into a control room and says, "This carpet has got to go!' Sod the desk, that's not important. An SSL desk, 150,000 quid's worth of equipment, and the carpet's got to go! He even had the carpet changed in his hotel room. The guy was living in a suite while we were happy in rooms with a fridge and a cooker. Obviously, we paid for it all..."

"And the food! He went out to the North of Holland and had a 12 course meal! Which is fine, that's his personality, but when somebody walks into a studio and says the carpet has got to go... if I'd been there I'd have decked him. Seriously. Who gives a flying s**t what the carpet looks like!"

How long did Steinman last, then?

"Oh, we dumped Jim about November, we gave him a fair chance. We thought, well, alright, we're doing the spadework, what he might consider the boring side of the album, let's see what he's like on vocals, maybe that's his strongpoint. He did tell us that he spent something like five weeks trying to get Meat Loaf to sing one line, so we thought, OK, the guy's definitely got stamina."

"But when it came to doing vocals with me, it was exactly the same situation as with the backing tracks - everything was my decision. He'd say, 'Yeah, that's good', and I'd go, 'Jim, it's f**king useless!' I'd run out of breath at the end of a line cos I wasn't quite familiar with what I was singing, and he'd say, 'It's got a bit of feel'. Isn't that pathetic?!"

"I mean, Steve and Phil wanted to get rid of him two weeks after he was here. But I just kept saying, 'Give the guy a chance, blah, blah, blah' made meself look a right arsehole. But it was only fair to let him get to the vocal stage of things."

"Anyway, when Steinman went we all sat down and asked Mensch to sort out which other producers were available. We put down everybody we thought might be good. Mike Shipley couldn't do it cos he was off co-producing the new Loverboy album, so we just suggested Nigel. We were doing a better job than Steinman, so we thought, well, what's the point getting in another producer? We send 'Mutt' the odd tape now and then and he sends it back saying, 'It sounds brilliant to me', which shows that we can do it, so we are."

Has having Phil Collen involved from the start of this album (he became a Leppard member during the recording of 'Pyromania', replacing guitarist Pete Willis) made things different in any way?

"Yeah, it means that the songwriting's changed a little; Phil's input is better than Pete's ever was. Steve will always be the major songwriter, I think, but he's really encouraged Phil a lot. He doesn't just sit down and say, 'I want to write all the songs', stuff like that. In fact, everything that Steve's written, he's written with Phil in the same room... Phil's probably involved in eight of the 10 songs on the album."

And what about 'Sav'? He writes too, doesn't he?

"Yeah, but 'Sav's weird; I can't get to grips with him sometimes. More than anyone else in this band he likes your Journeys and your Bryan Adams, occasionally even the odd Duran Duran song, yet he was the one who came up with 'Stagefright' and 'No No No'. And on this new album he's got a number called 'Ring Of Fire' - not a cover of the famous Johnny Cash song! which is an uptempo, thrash, crash, Metal job. He just never writes like the people he listens to."

Will Steve and Phil be sharing the guitar breaks on the new LP?

"Oh yeah, 50/50, right down the middle. Actually, they argue about who's gonna do 'em; not in the sense of, 'I wanna do this', but Phil's telling Steve that he should do a certain solo and Steve's saying, 'No you do it, it's more up your street'. I remember hearing stories about KK (Downing) and Glenn (Tipton) from Priest not talking to each other for four months at a time, but it's the other way round with Steve and Phil. The only thing they argue about is who's gonna buy the drinks!"

What about you, though? You play a bit of guitar...

"Badly!"

...have you written anything on the new record?

"Er... I did come up with some stuff but I don't think it got used. I wrote little bits on the last album, but my main worry is obviously melodies, lyrics and vocals."

"Sometimes, though, we'll have a vocal line and work the backing around that. We've got this one new song, 'Armageddon It', which is Piltdown, just two chords all the way through; it's based around a tongue-in-cheek vocal thing."

Is it a 'Rock Of Ages' type number?

"I suppose it is a bit, yeah. The vocals come out from all over the place once it gets going. It's just a totally stupid lyric... like 'Rock Of Ages', just a piss-take of ourselves, though not mocking the fans in any way."

"And then there's 'Ring Of Fire', which I've already mentioned. It's actually about an Indian meal, the day after, but nobody would ever know that... well, they will now!"

When you're writing lyrics, do you ever think about how the song will work live?

"Not really, no. Obviously, a number like 'Rock Till You Drop' is a stage song, and the same with 'Stagefright', but I've never consciously sat down and thought, well, I'd better come up with two songs about 'Rock This Place To The Ground', or whatever, and one meaningful one about Vietnam, and another about a vigilante in New York. They just turn out that way. You do it in moods. I was probably watching something about Vietnam on TV and 'Die Hard The Hunter' (from the 'Pyromania' LP) came out, and I'd probably been to see 'Deathwish' when I wrote 'Billy's Got A Gun' (also on 'Pyromania'). I can't remember, I just do it."

"I actually wrote 'Photograph' (ditto) while I was sitting on the bog. I was stuck for a chorus and I had a picture of Marilyn Monroe staring me in the face... Bob's your uncle!"

When you made the decision to go for something extra with the 'Pyromania' album, were you confident that you could pull it off?

"We were confident, yeah, very confident, because 'Mutt' was producing. We just had so much faith in the guy and in return he had total confidence in what we were doing. We didn't see how we could go wrong, though Mensch was tearing his hair out when we were nearly a million pounds in debt and the record company were drumming their fingers waiting. I think we had to sell 1.2 million copies of 'Pyromania' to break even, we were in a real big mess..."

"I mean, I nearly had a nervous breakdown, I just couldn't handle it. I was going through so much crap towards the end - do it again, do it again... I got what a lot of singers get, 'Lastitis', which comes from the pressure of finishing. We went through a lot of hell on that record..."

Including, of course, the slightly wobbly exit of young Mr Willis...

"Yeah, but in all honesty I think that did us more good than anything. The thing is, you sometimes take situations for granted and then all of a sudden something like that happens and it's like, wow, it's different, there's only four of us, he's gone, really gone. I mean, Phil joined the day after, but then he almost joined back in '81."

"I tried to get him cos we were having trouble with Willis in America. I rang Phil up and said, 'Can you learn 16 songs in two days?' He said, 'I'll try', but that was just totally out of desperation, there's no way he could have done it. However, when Pete started to act in the studio like he did on tour, which was making Keith Moon look like a bloody vicar, it was time for him to go."

Why doesn't he get some help?

"Well, I think he's beyond help, to tell the truth. He doesn't even realise he needs it, he doesn't accept he's got a problem, though the guy's been in hospital twice as a result of drink and drugs. He had a collapsed liver or something, and epileptic fits, God knows what."

That hasn't happened to the rest of you, though, and you're all the same age, you've all worked your way up together...

"No, it's just him. Pete's always had something to prove, y'see, probably because he's a midget. The guy thought he was 10 feet tall when he was pissed and he'd be taking on people as big as you it didn't work. He was like a gigantic ball and chain around our ankles..."

THE LATEST whisper on Willis is that he's currently swanning around the environs of Sheffield, complete with Rolls Royce and minder, recounting tales of some hush-hush supergroup he might be throwing in his frets with. Elliott finds it hard to take the whole thing seriously, and I think it's fair to say that the recording of album number four is proceeding all the smoother for the wee man's absence.

Already, a number of lead vocals are complete, and the band (employing two studios simultaneously) are steadily piecing together their ten new songs, ready to convince a waiting world that Life After 'Pyromania' does exist.

So what's on the boil? Well, in no particular order, there's 'Armageddon It' and 'Ring Of Fire', already mentioned, 'Excitable', 'Gods Of War', 'Fractured Love', 'Don't Shoot The Shotgun' (Stonesy, I'm assured), 'Animal', 'Love Bites' (a ballad), 'Run Riot' and the enticingly handled 'Women', all proudly produced by the Leppard members themselves, who, without the invaluable 'Mutt' Marten to administer the prods, are taking great and serious pleasure in booting each other up the bum! "Actually, I never envisaged us producing ourselves," admits Joe, "I thought it might be the one thing that would lead to us falling out. It's always been dead important to us that Leppard is a friends situation; we want to keep the element of why we started. Five mates who can still go into the same bar and look each other in the face after seven years. Happily, that's the way it's remained, and producing ourselves is working really well..."

The new album, which now looks set to be mixed by Lange in the UK, an added bonus, should be available by August, after which the band plan to tear up the tarmac on a world tour of, well... y'know. The idea, it seems, is to blow away the studio cobwebs with about eight shows in Ireland, some in smaller places, then steer a course for the UK, perhaps for a September stint (the British dates have already been put back four times!) of 20 or so gigs. A headline appearance at Wembley Arena isn't too far off for the boys, according to Queen's Brian May, a staunch Leppard supporter, but this time around I reckon they'll settle for something a little more cosy.

Next tour, though Europe too seems odds on to cop a visit, particularly as 'Pyromania' has now shifted over 100,000 copies in France and is making a late burst for the tape in Scandinavia as well. Business in Germany, however, remains a little slow, and as for Holland... well, now we're talking about a massive 639 units shifted. Still, at least it means the band don't have to worry about being recognised. Def what?!

By December Leppard should be into America, after which it's likely they'll travel to Japan, though probably not Australia, that stage of the tour having lost them around 60 grand last Feb. Indeed, all in all, their schedule will be less arduous than last time, including more days off to recover and recharge. The band should certainly feel healthier as a result, but then with the Rick Allen episode having shocked the Leppard camp into a highly body-conscious state, that's the way things are heading anyway "I don't want to waste away and vegetate," explains Joe. "I'm 25, I'm supposed to be at the peak of my fitness; I'm supposed to be Glenn Hoddle but I wasn't. I'd run a mile and be out of breath. Now I can run a six minute mile, no trouble, and I do half an hour's worth of exercises every day. 'Sav', Phil and myself all go jogging too - we take less for granted now than we did before..."

[rielzero]

I'm out of queue for a bit now, anyway, here's a headcanon. (I am aware bodytypes in the game are usually limited because of budget cutting methods in videogames.)

Pov: The guys are shirtless because of laundry day, elfsong.

Gale: *humming cheerfully while folding some clothes* Astarion: *absentminded, not helping* Loki: *nervously half covering his skinny body, not helping either* Gale: ... Loki: *eyes Gale's abs, then Astarion's abs, muttering* Why isn't my body like that..?

Astarion: *shrugs* There's exercises to stay this young and agile you know? I might not be able to lift tons like Lae'zel and Karlach, but I can stretch myself just enough to not take a hit.. And when I do, it hurts less. And.. I look fantastic!

Gale: Oh.. That.. Special training with Elminster.

Loki & Astarion: *give him an intense look*

Gale: What? Just a typical wizard thing. How else am I supposed to maintain concentration in battle? You think it's all brain power? Holding my breath?

Loki: I am genuinely curious what ''special training'' means here.

Gale: *imagining Elminster's shinier, bigger abs that he conceals under his robes* Hmm.. I- No. I'll keep this one to myself. Push-ups and regular exercise- A good diet! That's the bare bones of it. Gale: *winches when he quietly flashbacks to getting beat up with a staff by Elminster repeatedly while sobbing loudly as he struggles to contain his concentration on spells* Maybe I could teach you, someday- Loki? I think you'd be into it. Loki: I don't like the way you look at me while you say that.. It reminds me of that loviatar priest..

Astarion: Awh. I prefer you squishy.

Loki: How dare you! I am resilient to being squished.

Astarion: I could crush you with my bare hands.

Loki: Wh- Stop the teasing! I prefer being destroyed in bed over that.

Gale: Oh yes.. When everyone else isn't listening in..

[wito-chan-bla-bla]

Detection VI

Previous part (05)

Next part (07)

~

 Kalego hates noisy places, but he especially dislikes work meetings. Of course, there is no denying that all (or almost all) of them are his colleagues are professionals in their field, but as soon as some idiot (most often the director) starts talking about some topic separate from the work, it can last for hours. And Naberius can't even leave because it's disrespectful. It's a good thing they don't put him at the very back of the queue with his reports just to make him lose his temper.

 And this day should not be any different from all the others, only…

 The sudden fog around him moves him into a familiar room, hands gripping his soft, fluffy sides tightly and a little painfully. Someone very familiar is pinning him to the wall, where a centipede is sitting with many small eyes on its hair-covered legs.

  –KILL THAT THING!

 Kalego feels like a cat that the owner presses against a cockroach sitting on the wall, naively thinking that the lazy creature will kill someone. But Naberius has no choice, so he swings and uses a Cerberion puppy, which gets rid of the infernal insect and leaves no ugly spots on the wall.

 Once the little creature is killed (which Balam wouldn't approve of), the demon turns to face a view that doesn't leave its own face ironic and sarcastic. He sighs and reaches out a clawed hand to stroke the finger pressed against his stomach.

 –Did some insect scare you that much?

 –`S-some insect`?! Did you see THAT?! It has eyes on each leg! And it's HUGE! Fu-fu-fu! Be-e-e!

 –Someone said they wasn't afraid of insects.

 –I'm not afraid of human insects! They don't usually have a hundred eyes scattered all over their bodies!

 You scream a little more, and then you start to choke. After coughing a couple of times, turn the Kalego so that the small furry creature is facing you. Even in this form, the demon doesn't look too pleased, and you dutifully bow your head to apologize.

 –I interrupted your school meeting? I'm sorry, – if you had ears like Ameri or Opera, they would immediately fall down. – It's just that you told me to call you every time I was in danger... so I acted immediately.

 –At least you're used to reading spells quickly, – Kalego lowers his small paws, touching sharp claws to your skin, and shakes his head. – And even if I meant attacking you directly, that's not exactly a bad option either. At least I can make it look like I'm away on important business, and not just skip a work meeting with these idiots.

 –That is… will you stay in this form... for a while?

 Naberius sees hope in your shining eyes and cannot refuse. He nods in frustration, and you giggle softly-squeal, pressing his small body to your face. The silky fur touches your face and you giggle into his stomach, leaving barely noticeable kisses on the demon's skin. Kalego initially resists, trying to move away from your tickling movements, but eventually gives up and lightly hugs your head with his paws.

 For obvious reasons, Naberius does not often assume his familiar form, even when there are no demons around to torment him, that is, "pet" him. Kalego doesn't feel so confident in this cute, charming form, as he stops scaring everyone around him just by looking at his face or eyes. But that doesn't mean that sometimes, sometimes he can't make an exception for you.

 And this is one of those days! You didn't expect to get something like this today! You were just cleaning up the house when you saw a huge insect that would make anyone's guts turn over, and you called the first defender you could think of. And now, thanks to this, you get a soft pillow-toy for an indefinite amount of time, which means that you need to start using this opportunity as soon as possible!

 You hurry to the sofa in the living room, holding Kalego like a small child and scratching his small belly with your index finger. When you land on the furniture, you lie on your side and hold the demon to your face, inhaling the unusual, slightly strange, but still pleasant aroma.

 The softness and beauty of life immediately surrounds you from all sides. You stroke and scratch your love in all the places you can reach. Kalego quietly complains about you, spins a little back and forth, but still allows you to create your "loving love". You cover his cute face with small kisses, glad that there is something adorable in Hell, and not just incomprehensible monsters that want to devour you.

 Naberius snuggles closer to your neck as you stop moving your head in all directions and stand still to enjoy the moment. He quietly flaps his wings, trying to cover at least your hand, but his round body does not work. The demon groans in exasperation and buries his beak into your skin, inhaling the familiar smell of a human, his human.

 Lying next to a fluffy and cute Kalego, you suddenly feel a little smaller and younger than you really are. Remembering all those times when you fell asleep as a child after playing with a soft toy, you move a little closer to the demon, burying your forehead in him and slightly hiding your nose in his fur. The air seems to be filled with a sleepy potion, and soon you start to doze, gently hugging Naberius with one arm.

 Kalego tosses a little when he realizes that the person across from him has fallen asleep, settles back down and leaves a small birdlike kiss on her cheek. He does not feel tired (except mentally), and therefore cannot also close his eyes and also have a sweet sleep. So he promises himself that he will take care of his beloved's sleep until she wakes up... or until the damn headmaster comes here to ruin everything.

 The demon admires the peaceful expression on the other person's face, rolls his eyes when a little saliva starts to roll down from the corner of her lips, and calls for a handkerchief to wipe it all away. He hopes that this day will pass quickly, he will return to his normal form, so that he can come back and truly embrace his love.

 Yes. That will be fine. Suddenly, the dark eyes notice small dark spots left over from hickeys and bites. Kalego smiles faintly and hums contentedly to himself as he folds his wings behind his back.

 It will need to update the "labels".

*+*

 As soon as you hear the sound of a key turning in the lock, you immediately drop everything and rush to the entrance to throw yourself at Kalego with hugs, screeching and screams. Usually, the demon doesn't look too pleased, but he opens his arms with incredible speed, preparing to catch you in his arms. But this time he scowls at you, holding you close with only one hand, and then only for a short time.

 You immediately realize that you should leave him alone. By saying that dinner is on the stove, you go to work out a plan for the next lesson, or rather, just try to remember what is so interesting about life in the human world.

 You take a few steps and are almost at the end of the corridor when a hand is suddenly grabbed. Kalego freezes with a sad face behind you, and you suddenly see longing and fatigue in his eyes. The demon mumbles that he will do without food, and asks if you are free now.

 You've never been very good at improvising, but it's not hard to talk about your own world, so you nod as you follow Naberius. He gently pulls you by the wrist to the sofa, where he sits, gently pushes you in the chest and leaves you lying on the soft pillows.

 Kalego sighs heavily and a little painfully, starting to take off his clothes. For a second, you twitch your entire body, watching as pale skin appears from behind the long robe. The demon magically sends his form to a chair, and then, opening his wings and stretching them a little, lies down on you, with one arm around your back, touching the place where you might have wings, and with the other hand removing the ring from you.

 Stress radiates from your love in waves, and you rush to put your arms around his back and head, holding him closer to you. Naberius inhales softly through his nose a couple of times, and then exhales with relief, hugging you with both hands and hiding his nose in your home clothes. His hand twitches, as if he wants to intertwine his fingers with yours, but for some reason he changes his mind. You take the hint and start using both hands to relax the demon.

 Naberius closes his eyes, enjoying the touch of his head, horns, hair, ears, back, and wings. It's amazing how much he still needs physical touch. Each time he stays around you longer and longer, holds you in his arms longer and longer before work, and hardly lets go of your hand on dates… His face may remain stony, but his gentle nature will somehow manifest itself around you.

 You chuckle softly, and the Kalego bounces on your chest. He opens one eye, looks at you intently. In response, you just stroke him harder and push him back, muttering to him to continue napping. The demon listens, and it looks like your chuckle was not in vain, because he is going to fall asleep on you again, as he did so many times before. It's nice, of course, but it's not too interesting to lie and stare at the ceiling without a book, phone, or any other entertainment at hand.

 Fortunately, your ring is nearby, so you won't get bored today.

 The demon's breathing is getting shallower by the second that you scratch him like a dog. You're just thinking that he's fallen asleep and is about to put on the ring when Naberius suddenly raises his hand and snaps his fingers. From somewhere in the bedroom comes a blanket that covers the bodies lying on the sofa. Kalego relaxes more, one of wings rolls down and begins to hang down to the floor, the other is curled up and embraces you from below.

 You can almost hold back a happy giggle when you see the calm, peaceful demon. You want to snap him to your chest and strangle him in your arms. You can barely restrain yourself from waking him up, eventually trying to relax as much as possible and try to fall asleep as well.

 You watch the light coming in from the window and playing on the ceiling. The house is dark, and you can hear the papers on your desk rustle slightly in the wind. Kalego is lying on top of you, not moving and barely breathing. He sleeps as quietly as ever. He would look dead if he didn't occasionally twitch his nose or move his wing. He looks like a statue, but not just because he's so heavy. (Although everything is relative).

 You love evenings like this almost as much as you love evenings when you talk to Kalego. He may not be as interested in the human world as his friend, but he will always listen to you and ask you to tell him more if you remember your past "home". He will always tell you something about Hell: whether it's some random fact, something important that can save your life, something related to school and your work as a "teacher", or even something about himself. Lying in silence and remembering his voice next to you, you can't help but smile, realizing that he almost doesn't sound tired, annoyed or angry, and if he does, you are rarely the cause of it.

 In fact, it's quite easy to negotiate with Naberius... at least for you, that's for sure. He may have a tough personality, but because you find more and more charming details in it every time, life becomes much easier. His mutterings of displeasure are becoming more amusing than infuriating day by day.

 You look at Kalego, remember his small shape, remember Iruma... and then your past "home". The human world was never something that you often thought about, unless it was required in class. There wasn't anything... special about it.

 Yes, you were an adult, with a lot of memories and people who were even... dear to you. You weren't Iruma, who easily left everything behind and went to the demon world. You had something to cling to.

 At the beginning of your "work" here, you almost did not think about your relatives, because you were afraid of everything and tried to survive. Soon, the events taking place in Hell sucked you in, and you didn't have time to think about the loved ones you left behind. But things are pretty calm right now, so you start thinking about the human world and... get terrified.

 Yes, you were not killed by that maniac, but you still disappeared from your world without a trace. Your job wasn't something you wanted to run to as fast as you could from five o'clock in the morning, but they probably told your relatives that you were... missing. What was their reaction when they heard this? What about your colleagues, your few friends? Why are you thinking about this only now, after all this time?

 The answer is simple: you, like Iruma, didn't want to go back to the human world.

 The human world is filled with technology, deceit, cruelty and sadness. Yes, the demon world is the same, but not the demons have so many legends about how some "human" came into the world and destroyed everyone. People who consider themselves better than "some otherworldly beings who take souls and kill for fun", to some extent, were even worse than these very creatures.

 And yet... you feel a sharp sadness and regret that you were not able to at least say goodbye to some of the people in your environment. They were never too close to you, but they were still the ones you chatted with before and after work, who you sometimes went out to have fun with, and even felt like they really enjoyed spending time with you.

 You continue to stare at the ceiling, but with different eyes. Has there ever been a person in your life that you truly cherish, for whom you would go to the other side of the country just to help them? No. But would you like to see some people from the human world, at least once more? Definitely yes.

 Kalego opens his eyes with difficulty and lifts himself up slightly, looking down at you. You instantly turn your attention to the demon and give him a faint smile. You want to ask him in a cheerful voice if he slept well, but all that comes out of your mouth is... a whimper?

 –Why are you crying?

 Naberius leans over and brushes away the tear tracks that roll down your cheeks with his thumbs. You swallow and look away from him, starting to stare at the fireplace. Kalego exhales, leans in and kisses you on both cheeks, then leaves a small kiss on your lips before pulling away again.

 –Do you want to talk about it?

 His voice is so soft and gentle that it feels foreign. No, he is often gentle and kind to you, but your own thoughts have made you suddenly too sensitive to any words coming out of the demon's mouth.

 –I just... I just thought my parents might be thinking… That I was dead.

 Naberius freezes, carefully scanning your face. He rubs his cheek, then pulls you into his arms, starting to stroke your back. You wrap your arms around his neck and snuggle up with a soft whimper, like a wounded puppy. No one else says anything. You calm down a little in the embrace, but you still feel a sudden weight in the depths of your chest.

 It comes so suddenly and doesn't go away at all. All your thoughts are suddenly focused on that past life, you imagine the reaction of people who found out about a maniac, and then realized that you did not come to work, did not return to the apartment, that some of your things are lying in the same alley where Sullivan appeared and saved you from a madman.

 You fall asleep in Kalego's arms, but you still wake up with a heavy heart. Kalego makes you breakfast and showers you with love in various ways, but you still don't feel good. The same thoughts are swirling in your head, even if you try to shut them up, knowing that nothing can be changed.

 You lived far away from your parents and rarely communicated with them, but suddenly the desire to hear familiar voices suddenly begins to devour you from the inside. The desire to see the school you went to destroys you from the inside out. The desire to look into a familiar office and talk to colleagues, even if they will not be so happy about you, pierces you from the inside.

 –(Y/N)-san, is everything okay?

 You look up from your cup of tea and stare at Iruma. Today is the day when you go to his house and talk to him about everything from school to certain things in the human world. And even if the latter topic rarely comes up, for some reason it was today that the boy decided to talk about it. He wants to tell his friends something interesting about his past "home", but he couldn't think of anything, so he asked you to help... unwittingly reminding you of the heaviness in his chest.

  –Yes... probably. I just... I just miss my old "home" a little, – you shrug and take a small sip. – I understand that you don't have the best memories of your past life, but... it wasn't so bad for me after all. And while I'm glad I ended up in Hell... I suddenly thought I'd like to... see my parents.

 You can literally hear Iruma stop breathing for a second. He looks at you with regret, then lowers his head and mumbles a sad apology. You shake your head and force a smile.

 –It's definitely not your fault, Iruma-kun. If I hadn't been here, I would have been killed then. Because you are there, I found an easy job and my love. Besides, I like to study magic.

 –What was... your family like? I'd like to understand what it's like to have... parents who didn't leave you practically to your fate. B-but if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, don't!..

 –It's all right. My parents... they're good people. I can't say that we always had a good relationship, but they helped me finish school well and go to university in another city… After that, I tried to study, so I rarely came to them. I was able to get a job right after I graduated and tried not to lose it in the first few months, so... I didn't really talk to them either. Before I got here, I was trying to get a promotion, so... – you sigh too loudly with grief. – I think I've started to forget a lot. I hadn't spoken to them in so long, even on the phone, that I almost forgot their voice…

 You raise your head and look at the sad boy. You shake your head and smile weakly.

 –Don't worry about me, Iruma-kun. I'm the one who's here to support you. Distance separates people from each other, especially if they have previously communicated without barriers… I just suddenly thought that I would like to visit them at least once more… These thoughts will probably go away soon, so don't worry about me.

 But they didn't leave. Just like Iruma's sad look. When you go to his house again, you hear some screams, and after a few days you will find out that…

 –W-WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'RE GOING TO THE HUMAN WORLD?!

 And it screams not even Kalego…

  –Iruma-kun said that he wants to bring some goodies from the human world to his friends, and also go for a walk with his beloved grandfather, so we're going there!

  –What does this have to do with me?

 –You will protect Iruma-kun with your eyes and keep bad people away from us, Kalego-kun!

 –Then why are they coming?

 –If Iruma-sama gets cold, I'll put it on his jacket. Or don't you like being around me, Kalego-ku-un?

 Naberius hides behind you and clears his throat.

 –You know you've already been caught once visiting the human world, right? Now you want me to be accused of trespassing in another world as well?!

  –Don't worry, Kalego-kun, we won't be discovered this time! – Sullivan winks. – I've refined the spell, so there won't be any problems! But I couldn't find a spell that allows me to understand human language, so I'm counting on my wonderful grandson and you, (Y/N)!

  –Uh... okay.

  –If anything happens, tell them during the interrogation that we were forced to.

 You nod and look around. Iruma and you are dressed in normal clothes, but everyone else is wearing hats and long cloaks to hide their tails, horns or ears.

  –Go ahead!.. By the way, (Y/N), can you tell me where your parents live? You can visit them in the late afternoon if you want!

 Your eyes light up and you nod at the address. Opera wags their tail thoughtfully as they pick up their coat, watching as the stronger demon looks at a map and nods to himself. He snaps his fingers and a portal appears, where everyone enters.

 You find yourself in an abandoned building located not so far from the city. You're about to ask where everyone wants to go first, when Opera suddenly grabs you, throws you over their shoulder, and runs away, shouting to the shocked Kalego: "Try to catch me if you can, kohai!" The demon immediately rushes after them, Sullivan puts his grandson on his shoulders, and they cheerfully go in the direction of tall buildings.

 It looks like it was some old abandoned hospital in the woods, as you are greeted by a rather vibrant area of the city, not the outskirts. You look around and can't believe that you are seeing all these signs again, advertising, inscriptions about free Wi-fi, buying some two products for the price of one, and so on. You smile at the familiar smells, feeling even more excited when Opera finally puts you on the floor.

 –So, where do you want to go? I do not know that many free places, so...

 –Don't worry, (Y/N), I brought some expensive jewelry that I've heard can be exchanged! Can you help us?

 You nod and look around uncertainly. Where's the pawnshop?..

 You go ahead, looking around and choosing someone who won't yell at you as soon as you speak to them. It's hot outside, and you genuinely empathize with the demons wearing multiple layers of clothing. Iruma in shorts is pointing around and chatting about something, and you notice strange looks from passersby.

 Have I forgotten how to speak the "human language"? What happens if I can't speak my native language? What should we do then?! And how do I... how do I talk to my parents?

You hear your name and turn around, quickly realizing that it's not Kalego speaking. You look in surprise at your former colleague, who runs up to you with a surprised cry and a glass of some liquid in her hands.

 –(Y/N)?! Is that you, (Y/N)?! (Y/N)!..

 You are surprised when she throws herself at you and hugs you so hard that the air escapes from your lungs. She was one of the people who was most friendly to you and sometimes invited you to parties, but for her to be so kind to you?..

  –Oh, (Y/N), I thought you were sold for organs! – she starts shaking you from side to side, shouting in a panic all over the street. – Why didn't you answer your phone? I contacted your parents, they don't know anything! Where have you been? You scared everyone! The police searched for you for several months, and then stopped, saying that there are absolutely no leads!..

 You look at her directly and suddenly realize that her speech sounds familiar, you understand her, but still something is wrong. It's like you've abruptly started practicing a second language that you've learned and haven't used in a long time.

  –What does she say? – Kalego asks, looking at you doubtfully and clearly wanting to shut your colleague up by force. – It's so loud.

 –She's just, uh, happy to see me. It's hard to explain…

 The woman freezes, and then looks from you to Naberius in surprise.

 –What language are you speaking now?

 –Um, that's easy… this is such a special variety of Asian languages, a mixture of several and a strong accent. Kalego-kun and my companions are from a small town where this language is spoken. It's... it's all a little hard to explain...

  –He looks like he doesn't understand us. Doesn't he even know English? I mean... how many opportunities to play games and read comics does he lose?

 –They value their native language much, so it can't be helped... ahem.

  –Well, it doesn't matter. Where have you been all this time?! Why didn't you tell me everything was fine?!

  –Um, it's a complicated story... I was sort of... kidnapped?

 You cough nervously as you watch her eyes widen. With a quick shake of your head, you hurry to calm the woman down so that she doesn't scream again.

 –But I'm fine, don't worry! Sullivan-sama, – you point to the old demon who is chatting incessantly with Iruma, – saved me and brought me to him. There I met Opera-san and Kalego-kun. They decided to take a little walk today, so I'm kind of like a translator here...

 She looks first at you, then at Naberius, and then gives you a brilliant answer:

 –I didn't think you'd ever get involved with the mafia.

 You look at her blankly, and she points her finger at the demon closest to her.

 –He's dressed like an Italian mobster, (Y/N). And they, by the way, too. And that look... can you ask him not to look at me like he's judging how much my organs are worth on the black market?

 –I'm afraid he was born with that look. I can only cover his eyes with my hand.

 –I think he'll burn a hole in it and keep staring at me.

 You giggle and nod weakly. You ask Kalego to move away for a while, and he starts to devour your interlocutor with his gaze even more.

 –I'm not sure, (Y/N). Are you sure it's safe?

 –You just don't want to go to Opera-san and Sullivan-sama, do you?

 –Including. And I just don't want anything to happen to you.

 –This is a human world, nothing will happen to me, don't worry… Now go, go.

 You push him away and continue to communicate with the former colleague. It's nice to know the news of your home world, let each one make you sadder and sadder.

 –So you lost your phone and couldn't recover it? That's how... unfortunate. But I always told you that you need to remember the phone numbers of other people, at least relatives!

 –I'm going to buy a new one if they don't give me the old one, so I'll be fine…

 –Why didn't they buy it for you right away?! Doesn't the mafia want you to give up their secrets?

 –Yes, they are not members of the mafia!

 –They don't show it!

 –Anyway… can you tell me where the pawnshop is? Sullivan-sama wants to exchange some jewelry.

 –Stolen goods are hardly accepted there…

 –They're not mafiosi!

 You chat with her a little more, then look at the maps to get to the pawnshop. The woman makes sure for the last time that you are safe and sound, and leaves, saying that she will tell everyone at work that you are fine, but you should still go to the police and report your "miraculous discovery".

 Which you do as soon as you exchange jewelry. Sullivan goes shopping with his grandson, and you go to "please the law". You may feel awkward coming up with a story on the go, but Kalego helps you a lot. You are glad that they did not ask for documents, otherwise it would have been a failure. You are given your passport, taken from the apartment, where you should not return, because the owner can make you really lost, some documents, as well as a phone that was found after Sullivan “got rid” of the owner.

 Kalego is surprised that your phone has no buttons, to which you shrug and say that you need to somehow have fun and improve, since there is no magic. After that, he offers to charge it with lightning, but you refuse, just asking for charging from the police.

 You sit and wait for the phone to finish charging, looking ahead and moving awkwardly back and forth on the spot. Naberius sits next to you, crossing his legs and looking at the police in a way that makes them afraid. A few of them want to go up to him and ask him to stop, but this look scares them too much.

 –You're going to call your parents, aren't you?

 You jump up and down, not understanding how the demon read your mind. Kalego looks back at you, and you sigh, nodding.

 –I-I'm not sure what I'm going to tell them. Yes, I'll tell them about the "abduction" if they ask, but... I just don't want to worry them any more and... I don't want to reassure them. I mean... this might be the last time I'll see them. They'll think I'll call them, but I-I'll never do that.

 Naberius reaches out to you, and you are horrified to feel his tail moving. Fortunately, the demon quickly regains his composure and quietly apologizes, saying that he will control himself better from now on. As a result, he puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you to his chest, playing with the tips of your hair with his fingers.

  –Actually... maybe you can call them after we get back to Hell.

 –In what way?

  –Let the Batora of our favorite student think about that. It is quite difficult to create a portal between two worlds, but surely the connection is not so difficult to make.

 –We'll have to pay every month for the chance to call my parents. I don't think Sullivan-sama will be so happy to risk his happy life with Iruma-kun and come here at least once every few months. And even more so, he won't want to constantly change his jewelry.

 –If you think the system can't be fooled, then you're wrong, – he smiles at you, and all the cops get even more creepy. – And I'll threaten to give them the lowest grade in battle magic if they don't come up with something.

 –You're so cruel! – you nudge him in the side.

 –That's why I'm a demon, (Y/N).

 –Speaking of which… Why is there a spell that allows you to understand demons, but no spell that allows you to understand humans? And how did Sullivan-sama make a contract with Iruma-kun's parents if he doesn't know any human language? And how do demons do this in general?!

 –As far as I know, when a person summons a demon, there is a temporary 'connection' between them, allowing them to understand each other. It disappears as soon as a demon returns to their own world. As for spells… I don't know if this is true or not, but people used to be used as servants and food, – you swallow involuntarily, – and it's easier and "more arrogant" to make a person understand a demon than a human to understand a demon. And we demons have one language, and you have many. It's easier to use a spell and force them to learn one language than to constantly pick up a new one.

 –That's how... well, it's a good thing I ended up in the demon world after all. Oh, about wotlds! Thanks to me, you'll be able to learn everything-everything you want to know! He-he.

 –I didn't want that much… Just take me to the places you like. I want to know what your life was like when you lived here.

 You nod, even though you don't know where to take him… You just ate, read, played games, and sometimes went for a walk in the park. Nothing really interesting…

 While your phone is charging, you try to remember interesting places. Once it's charged, you exhale and pick a familiar number, ready to call your parents.

 The voice you almost forgot almost makes you burst into tears on the spot. You squeeze the phone harder, afraid you'll drop it.

–I do not know who is calling this number, – you almost do not understand words, because you can not concentrate, – but stop it immediately! Delete my number and never mock me like that again! I don't know anything about my daughter anyway, so just leave me alone...!

 –M-mama, Mama, it's me-me! Listen… this is not a joke! Don't hang up!

The silence hits your heart hard, and then a loud sob is heard from the other side. Kalego squeezes your hand, turning away, giving you support and allowing you to communicate with relatives almost in private.

 –(Y/N), is it... is it really you? Where are you... where have you been all this time?.. Why didn't you call us?! Your boss reported that you weren't at work, you weren't at home, no one saw you, and we!..

 –I'll tell you everything tonight, I promise! I'll come to you... is Dad around? I'd like to hear his voice, too.

 You've never cried so hard. The crazy life in Hell fades into the background, and you can finally think about your original family. A conversation you've been thinking about for days immediately goes off track, as you start crying, unable to say even a single sentence properly. You promise and promise that you'll meet them tonight before you laboriously hang up the phone and sniff loudly. Kalego discreetly creates a handkerchief and hands it to you.

 –(Y/N)-san, – this is the first thing you hear as soon as you calm down a little and go outside, – are you all right? Have you talked to your parents?

 –Y-yes... thank you for giving me this opportunity, Iruma-kun, – you sit down and pat him on the head. – I promised to visit them tonight, but they're in another city, so…

 You lift your head and look at Sullivan. The demon smiles at you and nods, telling you that he will go somewhere interesting while you communicate with your family. He suggests that you temporarily forget about all the bad things and go have fun, especially since now you, a person who knows this city, are nearby, so everything should go just fine.

 And so it happens. The first few places that Iruma and the others wanted to visit, you look sadly in front of you, but then you come to your senses a little and begin to gradually join in the general fun. It's nice to walk for other people's money, so you show the demons places where you couldn't go for your salary or where it was a commonplace pity to spend your own savings.

 Small cafes and big restaurants, exhibitions and attractions, movies and parks – everything passes by and leaves good memories. You go with Kalego just behind the others. Naberius looks scowling, he crosses his arms and looks around, but you can see a slight twinkle of interest in his eyes. You stop every time he has a question and explain a particular thing to him, watching out of the corner of your eye as Iruma does the same to his protector and grandfather.

  –Shichiro would love it here, – the demon says quietly, looking around the bookstore window. A large black cat comes around the corner, stretching lazily in the sun. – Maybe steal him an animal…

 –L-let's not put the local flora and fauna under such stress! Maybe we should buy him some textbooks instead. I'll pass them on for him.

  –I wonder if the sheet music is sold here... I'm curious about the difference between demon music and human music.

 –I'm not sure, but... there are probably autobiographies of musicians inside, or something like that… Hey, Opera-san, we'll go inside for a second, okay?

 The demon eating some human food with a cat-like smile turns their head to you and nods quickly. You drag Kalego inside. The store is quiet, cool, and smells a little like books. Naberius lets out a sigh of relief and starts moving next to you near the even rows of bookshelves. He stops and points at some of the books, wanting to know what they're about. Somehow, all he comes across all the time is weird romance novels, some unfunny comedies, and books about teamwork. You have to take him to some other department before he gets into a fight with a book that tells him by its description that he is not a good colleague for other teachers.

 Books for children and adult textbooks are in your hands, and you are ready to help Kalego choose the right reading material. The demon freezes with a book in his hands, probably looks at it, then hands it to you and asks what is there in the plot.

  –Uh ... it's a book about the kind of torture used centuries ago…

  –Fine, I'll take it.

  –N-not as a gift for March-san, I hope?..

  –Oh, don't worry, – his smile is as creepy as it often is, – I'll use such a rare find on my own.

 Naberius takes a few more books, including some complex textbooks, horror films, biographies of some musicians and notes to fairly well-known classical works that came from somewhere. You choose literature to suit your taste and stand at the cash register, afraid to even imagine how you will drag it all.

 Fortunately, there is always a weight-loss spell, so you can carry the bags on one finger, but Kalego insists on taking all your belongings. Later, he will reduce them and hide them in his pocket.

 The day is going well, too well even. It could have been a great date if it hadn't been for the trio reacting admiringly to everything around them. Fortunately, not only did they distract you in this way, but they also left you free to hold your favorite demon's hand or even kiss him while no one else was looking. In this huge city full of people, you feel a little uneasy, but everything is fine as long as Kalego is near you.

 You visit a few more places and end up on a park bench. Opera with bags and others buy ice cream, while you sit with the already purchased portion and look at the sky. It's already evening in the city where your parents live, so it's time for you to head there.

 –That damn headmaster said they were going to see the pond and then send us to another city. Are you ready to... meet your parents?

 You nod to yourself. 

 –But... would you like to come with me?

 Naberius thinks for a moment, looks ahead, quietly continuing to nibble on some dried fruit that he bought at the market. The demon shrugs and turns to you.

 –If you want to. I can go to them as your friend or as your love. You haven't seen your parents in a long time, so it's up to you whether to interrupt this meeting with me or not.

 –Then I'd like to... introduce you. And if I introduce you, my story will seem more complete. Although I wish I could tell them something different, I have no other excuse or reason for disappearing from this world for a few months…

 –We can always erase their memories if you want, – Kalego says, patting you on the shoulder.  – Or replace some memories.

 –Can you do it?! – you jump up and down.

  –I... no, – he winces and looks at the departed demons. – I specialize in battle magic, even if I could, I would only make it worse for them. But our favorite boss can. If he can manipulate the minds of demons, then he definitely won't have any problems with humans.

 –What makes you think he won't refuse me?

  –You're taking care of his 'favorite grandson'. And it's easier for him than moving to another world, so no problem.

 –I-I need to think about it.

 You remain seated until the trio returns.

 –So, (Y/N), are you ready to see your parents? Oh, I heard there's a great little restaurant right next to your house! While you're chatting with your parents, we'll go there! Do you want to bring some food, Iruma-kun?..

 –Sullivan-sama... if anything happens, can you... change the memory of my parents?

 The demon freezes in place, watching you closely. He rolls thoughtfully from one heel to the other, and then nods weakly.

 –I think I'll have to spend a certain amount of time, but there shouldn't be any problems. Of course, if other people ask your parents something that I erased from their heads, it will be an awkward situation, but that's another matter.

 –Then you can... change their memories as soon as I... we, – you squeeze Kalego's hand, – get back from them? I don't want them to worry any more once I'm gone... again.

 The demon nods and suggests that you go somewhere where no one can see the company.

 You walk up the mountain next to Naberius, squeezing his hand and constantly tripping. When he asks you what's wrong, you don't say anything for a few seconds, and then you say it with dry lips:

  –Perhaps... it would be better... if they simply erased the memory of my existence. I can ask them to move somewhere where no one will know they had a daughter, and then... make them forget about me.

 Kalego freezes, and so do you, almost falling down. You look at it without understanding anything. The demon shakes his head and pulls you into his arms.

 –I mean… I definitely won't go back to this world, because I still live for myself, not for them, and I want to be with you, in a world that has become so much closer to me in such a short amount of time… And they will feel better if they forget that their daughter first did not call them for several months, and then was reported missing.…

 –I don't have the right to choose for you, but I still don't advise you to do it, –he pulls you closer to him. – Maybe they'll forget you, but you definitely won't. And if you ever want to visit them, they will see you as a stranger, not as their own daughter. It will hurt your heart a lot.

–But I-I can't leave them to suffer again, – you cling to him and try to hide your tears in his clothes. – I'm already a bad daughter, I only thought about them now... should they even remember someone like me?..

 –I'm sure as soon as you see them, you'll stop thinking of yourself as 'bad', – he moves away and pats you on the head. – And so it would be better to change their memories and maybe come here occasionally to visit them.

 –And how can that be possible?..

 –If Iruma becomes the demon king – which I doubt, even with the prophecy – communication with humans will clearly become easier. But even if it doesn't, you still have your boss. And... eh, so be it, I'll try to master the portal creation technique, although I don't promise anything.

 –You're working so hard for me... thank you so much.

 You rush to hug him, immediately hearing a giggle almost in your ear. Opera stands at the top and makes with their fingers the heart that you and Kalego fall into. You hear growls from one side and laughter from the other and decide it's time to meet your family.

 Taking the demon's hand, you walk forward to the abandoned hospital, trying to breathe calmly and not think about anything that might reflect badly on your meeting with your parents.

 It's time to apologize to them for their long absence.

[abigailspinach]

2, 15, 17, and 24 for book ask, please!!

2. Did I reread anything?

I had a mega re-read focus year. I think I wanted comfort books?

I did almost a complete reread of Anne of Green Gables (Skipped Anne of Avolnea and Rainbow Valley - sorry Anne's twee progeny). I also reread Emily of New Moon (another LMM protagonist who is both a writer and an orphan) but Emily is bitchier and more goth and a little bit psychic and the most frustrating love interests.

Plus I reread all of Lois McMaster Bujold's Penric and Desdemona novella. Pen is just a good boy who respect women and has a chaos demon living in his head and it's amazing. 10/10 would recommend.

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

Hmmm, scrolling through my notes.

I read "Redemption in Indigo" which won loads of awards in 2008 when released. "Karen Lord’s debut novel won the prestigious Frank Collymore Literary Prize in Barbados, the Mythopeic, Carl Brandon Parallax, and Crawford Awards." I enjoyed it. I really like Caribbean literature and should make a point to add some more to my TBD for 2025.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I hadn't read any Robert Jackson Bennett before because the print copies were very expensive and the e-book queue at the library was long. His previous works looked rather grimdark and I need to be in the right mood for that. I pre-ordered the e-book for the "The Tainted Cup" and I really enjoyed it. It was really fun. Great characters and I love a Watson and Holmes riff.

From Amazon "A BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR: The New York Times Book Review, NPR, BookPage In Daretana’s greatest mansion, a high imperial officer lies dead—killed, to all appearances, when a tree erupted from his body. Even here at the Empire’s borders, where contagions abound and the blood of the leviathans works strange magical changes, it’s a death both terrifying and impossible. Assigned to investigate is Ana Dolabra, a detective whose reputation for brilliance is matched only by her eccentricities. Rumor has it that she wears a blindfold at all times, and that she can solve impossible cases without even stepping outside the walls of her home. At her side is her new assistant, Dinios Kol, magically altered in ways that make him the perfect aide to Ana’s brilliance. Din is at turns scandalized, perplexed, and utterly infuriated by his new superior—but as the case unfolds and he watches Ana’s mind leap from one startling deduction to the next, he must admit that she is, indeed, the Empire’s greatest detective. As the two close in on a mastermind and uncover a scheme that threatens the Empire itself, Din realizes he’s barely begun to assemble the puzzle that is Ana Dolabra—and wonders how long he’ll be able to keep his own secrets safe from her piercing intellect. By an “endlessly inventive” (Vulture) author with a “wicked sense of humor” (NPR), The Tainted Cup mixes the charms of detective fiction with brilliant world-building to deliver a fiendishly clever mystery that’s at once instantly recognizable and thrillingly new."

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

The House Witch - started charming-ish but it just kept going and nothing happened that hadn't happened three times before.

Can't Spell Treason without Tea by Rebecca Thorne

My blood pressure kept rising in annoyance so I had to stop. Characters felt shallow, choices made were bizarre, worldbuilding slight. Too cozy for me?

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

@looseleaflettuce YOU GET TWO🫶🏾🎉

QUEUE THE LIVE REACTIONS

This darkness, while familiar, is unlike the depths of death. It doesn’t burn, doesn’t hurt, doesn’t beckon to me.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 40

banger opener

My hearing, my smell, my touch all comes back at once. I can hear the steady thrumming of a heartbeat, the crackling of a fire, feel the* soft pelts still under me, detect the smell of vanilla and of a sharp, stinging menthol. 

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 40

listing the senses that come back and then describing what she detects with them. my english teacher would love you

A warm smile hides behind his thick beard, his hair twisted into carefully maintained dreads down his back, wrapped in chains and jewels.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 41

not archer😔 but dreads you say👀

For just a second, a whisper of a smile breaks across his face before his lips tighten into a flat line. He doesn’t stand, doesn’t move towards me. Barely looks at me as his gaze drops to his hands. 

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 42

ruh roh. solweh what did you do

That’s all he has time to do before I’ve shot across the room and pinned him to the rickety wall, my hand around his throat.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 43

WOAG… me nex- 💥💥🔫 who said that

“Why am I different from him?”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 48

HA! so she is the only witchire….. vampitch?

“You weren’t human when they killed us,”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 48

inchresting🤔 affair? 👀

“I’jam’s dead, too, Soc - Zandri. It’s just us left. “Good riddance.”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 48

damn. she does not give a single fuck💀

“Yes. Your father was a witch,”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 54

aww no affair

If he didn’t kill them completely, he left enough venom in them to change them into -

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 55

ahh so that’s how they’re made.

You were .. Reborn,” he adopts the word with a slight smile, “slightly over one thousand years ago.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 56

DAMN

You are back to your full strength, and you are no longer required to feed to survive. Your thirst is gone.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 59

YAY!🎊🎉🥳🥳 thanks ileriad

Like the earth took a breath once he was gone, as if she could finally breathe past the darkness my brother carried, that he infected her lands with.

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 61

mother earth: GOOD RIDDANCE

“but the magic of the witches, even the dark magic they were using, did not appreciate one of their own being sacrificed for such a thing.”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 62

WHOOO! witch magic for the win

“So because I am a witch, I doomed my siblings to this - this existence. And countless others.”

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 62

sigh. she’s soooo blaming herself for this

It would have been better if we had just died when they killed us the first time

Cusp Of The Mend | Ch. 3 ~ Pg. 63

nuh uh☝🏾

Review Time!

Don’t know if it was intentional but I like how the sisters avoid their vampirism while the brothers embraced it. Speaks of their personalities. Not gonna lie, I didn’t feel bad for I’jam. Sucks to suck igz, at least he lived for seven centuries (justice for ra’jem😔). Luna gets a witch companion now! I think she’s still gonna avoid humans regardless of that spell and something’s gonna go wrong with it in the future probably. More worldbuilding! Glad the spell got explained and why it went wrong. Curious as to what the parents would’ve become had it worked and how they would’ve been worse but alas. Next Up: Chapter 4 ~ Hope Is All We Have♥️

(*there’s a typo at the beginning. missing “t” in the)

[oozeyboozey-archive]

i'm gonna be here tomorrow working on my drafts and getting them sorted. i'm going to likely be using the queue so i can keep myself from getting overwhelmed , before i move on to asks for her and logan , since they are the ones with the most asks. thank you so much for everyone baring with me through the slow spell and the changes upon coming back. i'm feeling better about my muse for here and we're back baby!

[sxf-rarepairs]

sooo when i started this blog i was super excited to get it off the ground and had a bunch of things in my queue and had a goal of having at least one post an hour!

at the time it felt pretty doable but turns out, it's actually quite difficult and time consuming to scour multiple tags. after only a few days im finding it more and more difficult to find things to reblog (while still trying to have Some Variety so it's not all the same ship in a row). if you've noticed a steady increase in delulu posting, this would be why haha. who would've guessed that finding stuff for rarepairs would be rare and hard to find?? 🤔 🤔

all this to say, posting will be pretty slowed down from here on out, going from a goal of one post an hour (looking back, this was pretty ambitious lol) to a goal of one post every 4 to 6 hours. this is so that there can always (ideally) be a steady flow of posts rather than sudden bursts and dry spells

i cant remember if i've ever said this publicly, but this is my first time running a blog like this! so thanks for baring with me as i learn the ropes and get a hang of things 💜

[caribouv]

social security is probably the only good thing about the USA, and they're trying to get rid of it so much. every time there's a shitass republican in the Executive you always start to hear "issues" and rumors of social security being on the brink, under-funded program, need to blah blah fuckity blah blah.

however, they can't get rid of it completely because people would LUIGI. So, they gut benefits, make the office inefficient, and make the application process as hard as possible under the guise of "fraud protection" or "cost-savings."

things like under-funding the benefits, lowering the amount you can receive at age 62-67, raising the age to 75+, having the benefit be a 10-yr average minus whatever % they want, cutting field offices, firing employees in mass, setting up all sorts of REAL ID bullshit, pointless means tests, etc.

it's the death of social security by a thousand cuts. this was all spelled out quite explicitly in project 2025.

it's all the same shit idiot elon musk is doing with the federal government as a whole really.

like Twitter, he's gutting everything in sight to make it as bare-bones and worthless as possible. Unlike Twitter (which is a private monarchy), it's government so he has to come up with a reason for his bullshit. so queue the whole "OH LOOK AT ALL THIS FRAUD I HAVE FOUND." He hasn't actually found shit of course, just using "fraud" as a pretext.

look at what he did with Twitter and what he's doing with the federal government. ::Pam from The Office they're the same picture meme:: but sure sure fraud yah sure sure.

the damage being done is huge and even a progressive democrat will have trouble repairing it. when you fire 10-25% of ALL employees, how the fuck do you get them back? the amount of time and energy that went/goes into training them... ffs.

back to SS benefits, the end goal is and has ALWAYS been to privatize it and sell it off so billionaires can gamble/bet on it, which will inevitably bankrupt it as whoever manages it will "lose" the bet to their hedge fund friends.

they're weakening the shit out of it to eventually do this. "in order to save social security" we have to do this privatization here, sell this off here, pay these people to manage it there, allow them to have future option contracts there.

it's all so transparent and pathetic. i get not supporting democrats. i do, i fucking do. but anyone voting republican who's not a multi-millionaire makes ZERO fucking sense. what an absolute suicide cult.

all these red states are getting fucked by these federal programs being cut. in california, we pay WAY more into the federal system than we take out. so it's like, LOL, ZERO EFFECT HERE YOU IDIOTS. but gods-be-damned this misguided proles in oklahoma, arkansas, louisiana, etc. enjoy it. fucking enjoy it.

[fieldsofview]

3. 10. 17.

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I've got this idea for a total AU - something post-apocalyptic with the planet irradiated and barely livable, along with a military-elite who are controlling all the resources. Ya know, you're typical anti-capitalist stuff narrative lol. (very Fallout meets The 100 meets The Last Of Us).

It has a Gwen Stacy who's been accidentally exposed to radiation in a way that's given her spidery powers and makes her able to fight against the nuclear weapons being used by the elite. Her father works for the upper class and she's always known they're not great, but not to the true extent. She slowly finds out that the ruling class aren't just kind of shitty but there's actually a whole conspiracy theory thing going on. MJ is a freedom fighter for the resistance group fighting against the elite and the two end up sort of working together. Queue falling in love but also MJ ends up kind of using Gwen as a tool and hiding things from her 'for the greater good'.

I can picture the scene where they fall out. The fight. The emotions. The sides taken. The hurtful words thrown about because they both care too damn much. But it would require SO MUCH to get there and idk if I'll ever write that fic. Maybe someday.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

At least with SMH it's been pretty methodical, which I think is making all the difference compared to previous WIPs. I made the outline in a haze of hyperfixation over like 3 days. Then I tweaked the outline a bit over the next week or so.

But since then, I just sit down for whatever length of time and just put one sentence in front of the other, following my outline. I've very rarely deviated from the OG outline, more adding things than making changes. As I've gotten closer to the end, I've been making more minor changes, but even still I'm following it pretty closely.

The outline was over 10k words though, so it was pretty darn detailed. Idk if that will work for future projects, but I'm going to aim for it again.

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Gosh I have no idea how people perceive my stuff tbh! I hope they like it and notice all the details I put in. I've been trying especially hard to focus on not holding the reader's hand as much and trusting them to see things without it all being spelled out.

I also think, especially with SMH, that people are expecting a happier, cookie-cutter kind of ending because so much of us want that catharsis after what NWH put us through. I'm not saying SMH won't have a happy ending. It will, to an extent. Peter will end up in a better place than he was at the start. But it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, and not everything will be all tied up with a bow.

Especially with my writing from more recent years, I have focused less on tropes and pairings that I want to read, and more on telling a story that hasn't been told yet. That's what Under The Moonlight was, that's what SMH is, and my side WIP (temporarily titled Hopeless Devotion) is also like that. I've realized that, at my core, I'm lazy. If I can read a story already, I don't have a desire to write it myself. But if I can *feel* a story in my soul and can't find anyone else who's already written it, then I end up dragging my ass out of bed to put it on paper. Because I want to read it. You know?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING SEEK!! <3

[kierancampire]

Percy Jackson spoilers.

I was so excited to watch the show but I think I honestly dunno if I can continue watching it. I've got 8:30 minutes left of episode 3, yet to watch episode 4. But god it's just pissing me off constantly! I know it's for younger audiences, but some of us grew up reading and loving the books! I wish there was something for us older fans! And I get it can't mirror the books exactly and it needs changes, but god I am so absolutely fuck sick of the show telling you everything and not leaving you any time to guess anything or to sit with anything! It just spells out and screams everything at you! And the changes it makes are crap!

Sally telling Percy everything instantly, Luke telling Percy the Annabeth and Thalia story, Grover telling Percy that Hades has his mum, Annabeth telling Percy that Grover was their protector, Medusa instantly telling them who she is, now Percy is immediately telling them the prophecy in full that he heard!?! What the fuck is up with this show and subtlety!?! It's leaving no complexities to the characters, it is leaving no mysteries, and it is making such huge and shit changes! Like the first Dodds fight, except oh wait, they didn't fight, Percy accidentally stabbed her. Or like the fight where Percy discovers his powers, except oh wait, that never happened either as Annabeth pushed him in a lake. Or like how the Furies show they are really formidable on the bus and they have an almost deadly encounter, except oh wait! That never fucking happens and just a queue of 4 people is apparently enough to stop a high ranking monster! Medusa was barely anything! The monsters aren't scary and have posed no threat because all they do is stand there! The Minotaur was impressive and intimidating, that's it! Then they just are constantly arguing and bickering over nothing, and they're accusing Percy of being scared and defensive when they keep starting on him, firstly he wasn't acting differently at all? So that feels out of nowhere? And of course he's gonna get defensive when they keep fighting him? They've had no kind moments together, just fighting and accusing!

Like, I will try episode 4 once this is done, I will give it a go. But if this show shows one more thing then instantly explains it, or explains a thing before it is even shown or mentioned, honestly I'm dropping it! I just do not get why they wrote it in this way where they do nothing but explain EVERYTHING in the first 3 episodes, and leave nothing for suspense! Especially when it completely goes against the story and characters! The characters in the show are so fucking flat! You are getting spoon fed EVERYTHING, even before you/Percy really know anything about it, like Thalia, they are so one dimensional and bland because they're extracting all the substance! Or like in Mr. D's case, none of his threat is there, Gabe's a pushover, Luke hasn't really shown any anger at the gods, Annabeth hasn't shown any sadness about her arrival, Grover hasn't shown any upset about his past, Percy wasn't allowed to secretly hope to save his mum, they characters have no depth! The show has written them so one note, and anything that could be deep, it just instantly explains or tosses aside! Also, I know he's a kid, but Grover's actor ain't the greatest, and just adding on everything else. If somehow people are enjoying this show, good for them, I'm glad. I was so excited to watch this and was really looking forward to it, especially with how more book accurate it was meant to be. But it's like they're actively going out of their way to ruin the story by removing all the fights, all the excitement, all the mysteries, all the depth, then replacing it with non-stop bickering. The movie did quite a few things better and no one should be saying that.

Edit: LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA IS FUCKING HERMES.