#i can literally give him the perfect life on my farm

[luludeluluramblings]

Yandere! Batfamily x Smalltown! Neglected! Meta! Reader x Yandere! Superfamily

A/N: taking a moment to jot this down while in my head, because we gotta know what the Sups think of Reader. (Also because I watched the 1978 Superman movie like crazy as a kid and this whole series is spiraling into the longing for departed childhoods)

A/N: will probably edit this later; I’m still fleshing out some things

A/N: Also, we get a romantic yandere here!

Warning(s): Yandere themes, Obsessive behavior

To start with, Reader actually adores the Super family.

Jon is Reader’s third favorite person in Reader’s life. (Damian is livid about this fact.)

Reader will beg Bruce to go visit the Kent farm.

It’s as close to their hometown as Reader will ever get to see again. (Reader will willing give affection and call Bruce ‘dad’ just to go.)

And, Bruce can’t say it’s not safe,

Especially, since Clark met Reader and was utterly charmed.

(There is no way Reader can be Bruce’s kid, Reader is way too perfect and sweet.)

(Bruce literally carries the DNA test around to shove in Clark’s face when he start that conversation up again.)

Reader likes Clark, but he’s still Bruce’s friend first. (Which makes things awkward after Reader gets locked down by the Batfamily.)

Reader likes Lois too. (Until after lockdown, then things feel weird. But, Reader is capable of ignoring the weird feeling.)

Lois is extremely friendly with reader, just knows how to coax Reader into talking without it sounding like an interrogation. (Years of journalism and interviews.)

Jon, as stated, is Reader’s favorite.

Reader hugs him, calls him terms of endearment, ruffles his hair. Thinks he is precious and sweet. (Reader is not as affectionate at the manor, mostly because they don’t think the Batfamily cares.) (Wrong, they want that shit so bad. Please, hug them and love them. Even the less extreme yanderes crave it.)

And, Jon is here for it.

Reader gives older sibling vibes and Jon eats it up. (Damian may try stabbing him with kryptonite, but it’s worth it.)

Reader’s not as fond of Conner though.

He’s just another big city rich boy to Reader. (Reader does not care he’s a clone. Doesn’t bother them. Reader’s a meta that makes it rain and snow. So what if he has two dads?)

Conner, on the other hand, straight up Romantic Yandere for reader.

Sees himself as the black sheep in the Super family, where Reader is the lone white sheep in the Bat family.

Reader understands, he knows they do. (And, yes, it’s true reader does actually understand. Which makes the infatuation sooooo much worse.)

(Tim gets pissed about Conner liking reader. Thinking Reader is stealing his best friend away. But, then gets pissed when Conner tries to steal reader away from him after Tim goes full yandere.)

Kara is already in the future at this time. But, if she did meet Reader, they would be platonic soulmates. (Until Kara tries to take Reader to the future with her.)

[veren-cos]

Asking out the Bachelors (SDV)

x disabled!reader

You presented him with a bouquet. But before he could speak, you interupt. "Now before you say anything!" He looks at you confused. "I want you to know before you make any big decisions that I am disabled. I get around fine enough, I mean, I can handle my farm and all. But some days it's rough. And I won't be able to. I might not have the energy for anything. I really- Really -like you, but I don't want to be hurt down the line because you can't deal with this." You put your heart on the line and awaited his response.

All Bachelor's below the cut

Harvey

• Gives you a big ol' hug

• Probably cries a little because he is so happy that you asked him out

• Hopes you don't notice

• You definitely do, but don't say anything because-how cute is he!

• The two of you just stay there for a second, because it's not like you can really move when you are trapped in a hug

• "Dear, having a disability is no big thing. So you need a little extra support sometimes. I am your man!"

• Literally will go to the ends of the Earth to help you when things are acting up

• When you go into more detail about it, he knows a lot already! (Duh he is a doctor)

• But he will do a lot more research about the specifics once you leave.

• He stays in that hug for a really long time before realizing that he never actually accepted your bouquet and becomes a bit of a flustered mess

• You think he is adorable

Sam

• As much as he likes to think he is sooooo cool, he is so happy that he just gives you a double thumbs up and a dopey grin

• He says, "Farmer you don't know how happy this makes me!"

• Invites you into his house to talk about things more, and plucks around his guitar while doing so.

• He doesn't know crap about disabilities, besides adhd and a few more common ones.

• But he is willing to learn!

• The two of you actually have a really long heartfelt conversation about it.

• Lots of hugs.

• Like he cannot get over the fact that you are dating now.

• Maybe a makeout session if the mood feels right?

Sebastian

• Kinda just stares at you for an uncomfortable amount of time

• You have no idea what he is thinking, and frankly neither does he.

• His brain is frying at the fact that you like him back.

• And then he is also panicking at the fact that you think he won't like you because of something you can't change!

• Grabs your hands once he snaps out of it, startles both of you

• "Yes!" He somewhat shouts, "yes! Yoba, I swear. I care for you and nothing about you will change that."

• Proceeds to just hold your hands and blush because OHMYGOSHMYCRUSHLIKESMEANDIJUSTTOLDTHEMILIKETHEMAND-

• Later when you talk about your disability more, he recognizes the name from late night internet browsing, and will do whatever he can for you when things get bad.

• Like Sam, there is a lot of communication about how he can help because he isn't well informed

Alex

• Literally picks you up???

• Idk he is weird (it's okay we still love him)

• Like holds you bridal style and gives you a big smooch on your cheek

• He doesn't care you have a disability

• Will do his best to learn how to help!!!

• Absolutely will take care of your farm and animals if need be

• When he sets you down he gives you an actual kiss

• Shows up at your farm the next day after talking to Harvey

• He wanted to learn a bit more about helping people with disabilities, now having two important people in his life that have them! (You and George)

• The two of you talk about everything

• Overall he'd be really good about it once he got going

Shane

If he was sober at the moment

• "We all have our problems, and yours is nothing."

• "I'm shocked you want to go out with me, but remember, this was your idea!"

• Aka, he tried to act all tough but when you look at his face, he is just a softy

• He has a slight blush on his face

• He is so happy you trusted him enough to tell him your personal business

• Won't be perfect by any means at helping when things get hard, but he tries

If he was drunk at the moment

• "I'm not dealing with that."

• And then he walks away.

• Regrets it so much when he sobers up but the damage was done

• If you felt that he deserved another chance it wouldn't be for a long time

• If you get together later, every time things flare up he just feels so guilty.

Elliott

(Apologies in advance for possibly being out of character. He is the one I know the least about-)

• Similar to Alex ngl (kinda?)

• He smiles at you, places his hand at the nape of your neck, and then gives you a kiss on the cheek

• Let's his head rest on your forehead for a few moments before accepting your bouquet

• Gives you a gentle kiss

• Will learn all of the things to know about your disability

• Makes sure you check in with Harvey about it whenever things get bad

• Will make you soup :) he knows it won't 'fix' anything, but he doesn't know when else to do when people aren't feeling good

• It's cute

• Will gives you cuddles after he accepts the bouquet, and makes sure to talk to you about what you need.

• He tells you, "nothing can change the way I feel about you. You are the light of my life." (Or some fancy poetry that idk how to write)

This is the first thing I've written that I've posted, so please lmk if I made a typo or something!!! And let me know if you want me to elaborate on any prompt. Or give me a prompt! I will be posting more, I just have to edit them.

Also I mostly write x reader, which I am down to make weirdly specific. Mostly fluff or hurt/comfort, but I am down for almost anything so if you have any fic you want written, lmk!!! I might not get to it for a while because, life, but we'll see! Hope you had fun reading, sorry for the long outro-

(Thank you to my friend for proofreading if you see this)

(Edited Alex's, thanks for pointing out George is disabled!)

[wantonlywindswept]

adopted baby Guard Din idea that I am never going to write

because it would involve logistics and quiet moments and idle life which I am very down for reading but cannot for the LIFE of me actually sit down and write

So the war ends, Palps is outed as a Sith and an asshole and dies somehow, and the Senate eventually decides that the clones do count as people and thus are allowed to leave the GAR if they want. Give the bureaucrats another few years and they might even give out backpay and citizenship, so long as you stay in the service--wait what do you mean the entire Guard is resigning. What do you mean they've already left orbit?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE NOW MILLIONS OF FILES ON THE HOLONET ABOUT THE SENATE'S SHADY DEALINGS???

Guard, collectively: lol cya suckers

Fox is of course one of the last ones out, and since this was all planned on the down low, everyone's been split into groups so they can take commercial flights, since they're not about to be accused of stealing ships. (They also leave their weapons and their armor behind, in a giant macabre pile in the middle of Corrie HQ. Even their helmets, their faces, they discard: it's time for a rebirth.)

He and Thorn and a few other Corries have a stopover on some tiny station, waiting a week for a delayed transport to arrive, and in the meantime they're approached by some locals who just fled the planet below. Separatist remnants attacked their homes, forcing them to leave everything and everyone behind; can the big strong clones do anything about it?

The Big Strong Clones: Oh shit we finally get to kick some Seppie ass? Sign us the FUCK up.

The eager group does not include Fox, who could not care less about the Separatists and would very much like to finally catch up on his sleep. Unfortunately that means that the group that goes down to the planet is Unsupervised.

(Thorn does not count as supervision. Thorn, bereft of Senate oversight, has finally allowed his Inner Chaos Gremlin to fully emerge. Thorn needs more supervision than the shinies.)

Thorn, three days later, waking Fox from half-hearted sleep by dropping an entire natborn child on him: Hey boss, look what we found! None of the refugees claimed him, so we called dibs. Can we keep him? Fox, staring at the child: ...

Din, staring back: ...

Fox: ...no..?

Din: *sad but understanding big brown eyes*

Fox: Nevermind this is my child now.

Din has gone from two parents to one parent and hundreds of overprotective brothers.

Eventually his group makes it to their destination, Din in tow. I am uncertain of what the destination is but it is a planet that is as far away from Coruscant that the Corries could find. I am tempted for Tatooine not because I like Tatooine (I share Anakin's loathing of sand and deserts) but because Luke's description of Tatooine in ANH was 'if there's a bright center to the universe, this is the planet the furthest from'. 

Corries, hearing that: Fuck it sounds perfect. 

Anyway they make it to Tatooine, there is probably purchasing of some shitty land/buildings that nobody wants out in the wastes bc crime, scum, villainy, etc, but it's not like they have problems taking care of anything that tries to mess with them. 

Where did they get the funds?

Shh don't ask about it.

Stone takes up moisture farming. Thire takes up farming-farming. Thorn shoots gleefully at anything that shows up unannounced within a ten-mile radius. Literally everybody dotes on Din. There are a surprising amount of peaceful days.

Eventually some dumb shiny goes: Hey don't kids need friends? Shouldn't we set up some playdates for him or something?

The shiny is not called dumb for asking the question, but they are called dumb for thinking that the question would only ever be taken rhetorically. Fox disappears for two weeks and then comes back with a black eye and a yowling hissing Boba tucked under one arm, looking stupidly pleased with himself.

(Boba is also pleased to be back with people he knows will keep him safe. Boba will not admit to this under threat of death or dismemberment. Boba is a SERIOUS SCARY ADULT BOUNTY HUNTER.)

Boba also decides he will be Mortal Enemies with Din, which after about ten minutes of meeting him morphs into If Anyone Hurts Din I Will Kill Everyone In This Room And Then Myself because all clones be the same, really.

Din has gained another brother/bestie. (Or potential future boyfriend, whichever floats your boat.)

Somehow they still end up overthrowing the Hutts.

Officially the GAR knew and knows nothing about the Guard leaving Coruscant as soon as the metaphorical paint was dry on their sentient status.

Unofficially Fox's batch harangues him every single day for photos of his new kid(s). They eventually show up unannounced, demanding time with their nephew. (They are shot at by Thorn.)

Din gains five new uncles.

The batch proudly show pics and holos to their battalions. Din gains millions of new uncles.

Fox finally gets a full night's sleep.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

How about the towns people reacting to the farmer who despises joja. Like, think about it. The farmer left their soul sucking office job at joja behind only to see them again right across the bridge. I bet they would support the community centre out of spite.

They are normally a friendly and sweet person but the moment joja comes into the conversation they snap a little. Morris talks to them and their left eye twitches rapidly cuz this guy reminds them way too much of their old boss. They have dark dreams about the blinking lights of the work and rest lights and the bosses looming over them through the glass in their office.

Locals swear they see the light disappear from their eyes whenever they accidentally fish up a joja can.

Oh man, That's just about a perfect description of my OC Farmer. He is by nature a very kind and patient man, but every time he sees JojaMart, catching more trash with that logo on it, or sees people who use every means, even mean ones (remember that scene with Morris), to destroy the competition and become monopolists, he gets very sarcastic. Sometimes, it can be just pure rage.

But let's not talk about my OC, because the question here is about a neutral farmer 😅 So enjoy, dear anon!

SDV townies react to the Farmer who despises Joja:

Marlon's mind is more on protecting the Valley from monsters than on boycotting some store. He wouldn't have known about this until one day Farmer came in with a bunch of soda cans with the Joja logo on them, while swearing about the same logo. They told to the one-eyed adventurer that they had fished this cans of the mine waters at level 100. How these soda cans managed to end up in literal lava without burning or even deforming from the lava's temperature was a mystery to Marlon.

Stardew Valley has its own zest that makes the place unique, and according to Penny, JojaMart is ruining that uniqueness. Plus they constantly put promotions on the beer and ales they sell, which Pam just can't refuse. So Penny isn't too thrilled about Joja.co appearance in Pelican Town either.

How Willy understands them! There is already so much garbage floating in the sea from Joja's products that has endangered fish and other marine life. And the mart that was built here has only made the problem worse. So the old sailor will support the Farmer if they want to kick this corporation out of Pelican Town.

Not that George would care much where his wife bought the leek: from the farmers or from that huge store. After all, a leek is a leek no matter how you cooked it. Still, though, memories of his grandfather and his farm bring back fond memories of things that used to be both simpler and better. He's also annoyed by the loud music coming from the speakers in that supermarket, which is "supposed to attract customers" but distracts him from his nostalgic thoughts. Can't he have some quiet time in his own home anymore! If the Farmer wants to stage a boycott, then George will be the first of the participants!

Oh, this is so much fun! Abigail feel bad that she provokes Farmer on purpose, but it's not her fault that her friend gives such a funny reaction at any mention of Joja. "Look, Sam bought me a Joja cola, you want some?" *Possum hissing*

Haley thinks the Farmer is a fool. The only civilized supermarket in town, and Farmer looks at it as an insult to all humanity. Yes, the quality of the clothes leaves a lot to be desired, but there are a variety of sweets to choose from! And there's plenty goods for farming, too. The girl doesn't understand what Farmer's problem is.

Whoa whoa, easy, why the outburst of rage? What? Yeah, Alex bought a dozen eggs at JojaMart. After all, he needs protein. Hey! What's the Farmer doing? Give it back, why did they take the eggs?! If they wanted some egg, they could just ask! Wha?... Oh, the Farmer gave him three dozen eggs. These are from their farm? Uh, thank you. So big, and much better quality than he bought from Joja..... So, how's he gonna explain to Grandma that Alex now have three dozen eggs?

Gus sincerely hopes the Farmer doesn't vandalize his Saloon, at least as a sign of respect for the very owner of the establishment and his property. Because they've been looking at that Joja soda machine for too long. It's like they're trying to desiteng this poor vending machine. He may also have to take Joja Coke off the menu.

*Gasp* Hee-hee. Oh, Marnie can't stop laughing. To be honest, at first the young Farmer's angry stare and scolding caught her off guard and frightened her a little. But later, she can't stop giggling after every barbed comment towards Joja.co, their old boss and "colleagues".

Sheesh, wow. Sam would never have thought that a person could cringe like that at the mention of Joja. The young guitarist should think twice before opening a can of Joja Coke with Farmer standing next to him, because they will vaporize that very can with a look.

Jas already knows what natural resources are and has often heard from Miss Penny that many huge corporations often abuse and deplete these same resources. And this thought makes her sad. But she does not want to quarrel with anyone, so Jas will offer the Farmer to draw a poster together so that Joja will respect nature and makes products that do not harm animals and plants (spoiler: it won't work, but the Farmer was very touched by the girls’ idea).

Bad food? Bad store? But Mr/Mrs Farmer, why do you say that? Vincent doesn't really understand why they hate that store so much, where he often goes with his mother to visit his older brother and buy groceries. His mom even also buys him ice cream in the form of a dinosaur! Because dinosaur is so cool. What? Do they have a living dinosaur?! In a coop? Can he take a look please??? The farm is much cooler than this "Jodja'! Mom look, Mr/Mrs Farmer has a pet dinosaurs!

Oh, that whole blue trash things makes Leo and his bird family very sad. So he understands why the Farmer is so upset too. But the boy is not discouraged and wants to make a clean-up day together with Farmer, Linus and the parrots. Maybe the Joja people will see the beauty of nature and stop littering!

Oh, no, Farmer. You don't need to show so much negative emotion! Emily herself is not fond of Joja and their constant pollution of the environment with their waste, but absorbing so much anger and spreading it to others is not the best way to go about it. She does worry about the Farmer's mental state and will offer them meditation classes to get rid of the bad thoughts associated with the old job and Joja in general.

Shane would probably be the second person who truly hates Joja. Stupid, energy-sucking job, stupid boss who makes him work overtime, stupid uniforms that don't fit him and that make him itch. Can the occasional theft of beer and frozen pizza from Joja's warehouse be considered a form of protest?

Caroline nearly dropped her tea cup when Farmer literally hissed at the mention of Joja and Morris. The two of them were sitting alone in her sunny room drinking tea and Caroline was a little sad that her husband's business had gotten tougher since JojaMart had come to town. She had heard from the Mayor the reason for the Farmer leaving their old job and truly understands their decision (after all, life in the big city can be very tiring). Though the young Farmer's reaction to the mention of Joja.co has her a bit amused.

But when Pierre walked into the sun room (to pick up his gardening tools) where his wife and Farmer were sitting, and heard the conversation about his store and Joja, he started wailing and whining about the desperate situation. And the shopkeeper would wholeheartedly support Farmer in the idea that everyone would be much better off without blasted Joja! However, when the Farmers were about to leave, they thanked Caroline for the tea, and finally, with a sly smile, said that "Joja will not stay here for long". What this meant, neither Pierre nor his wife understood.

"Fuck! Fucking bitch ass Joja with their fucking cans and CDs! I want fish, not that dog ass shit plastic! Rot in hell, you goddamn corporation, bunch of bastards and rats!" Sebastian is used to Farmer's tirade by now, and watches from the kitchen window, sipping his coffee, as his poor friend has been trying to fish the mountain lake for the past two hours. Judging by their profanity, fishing was not going well.

But poor Maru, who almost dropped the wrench on her foot, heard the Farmer's profanity for the first time and thought something was wrong. When she went out to inquire after their fortunes, they were already sitting on the shore crying... and surrounded by the garbage from Joja.co. The young inventor invites Farmer into the kitchen for a cup of coffee with her and her half-brother.

While the brother and sister consoled Farmer with words and caffeine, Demetrius, seeing that there was now a lot of plastic lying nearby, offered to the Farmer take his recycling machine and scheme if they wanted more machines. Recycling would help to bring the environment back to its former state, also the recycled garbage would become useful products for the farm! Demetrius thinks it's unlikely that they'll be able to boycott the huge company in any way, so it's better to help the ecology like that at least.

Robin almost died laughing. "Holy macaroni, you swear like an old sailor!" She really didn't expect such profanity from such a quiet and kind person, but her son and daughter were not the only ones who heard the poor youth's tirade after a bad fishing trip. But Robin doesn't want to tease the poor Farmer, so she goes along with her husband's offer to take their recycling machine.

Oh dear, don't be so furious, you get a headache! Evelyn can understand why the poor Farmer is upset, but she would hate to see such a kind and sweet youth in a constantly bad mood because of Joja. Maybe they'll drop by for tea? She just baked cookies, and didn't use Joja products, granny promises! *wink*

Linus can feel Mother Nature weeping and choking on all this garbage and waste. And how her crying has gotten stronger since Joja their big store in town. The wise man stays calm though and tries to comfort the Farmer, because anger clouds his thoughts and it's impossible to think of ways to help nature.

Hmmm, dear, but Joja is full of good gardening supplies and farming seeds, and at a low price. Jodi thinks they should look in there and get something for.... Oh, okay, fine. Jodi won't mention Joja again, or she gets the impression that nice Farmer is transforming into a beast before her eyes.

Now, now... There's no need to get so angry or you'll get high blood pressure, Harvey knows what he's talking about. Anger is inherent in everyone, but he is well aware of how mental problems later affect a person's physical health. So if Farmer doesn't learn to control their anger, then it will be Dr. Harvey himself who gets angry. And take his word for it, Farmer, he will scold you severely.

For all his desire to help Farmer, Rasmodius feels he should not interfere in people's lives, much less use magic for it. Plus, he feels that there's no point in looking for an answer to solve a problem when the answer is right in front of them. Hmm? What is he talking about? Ah, young adept, the forest spirits will show you the way, you just have to learn to listen to them carefully.

Leah knows what it's like to live in a big city at an energy-sucking job, under the all-seeing eye of a mega-corporation (also with her ex who mumbling everyday about more profitable professions). And when Leah sees JojaMart, her mind involuntarily returns to that unpleasant part of her life. To be honest, she would also start snarling and hissing like a Farmer because of Joja or any other company that is trying to greedily take Stardew Valley for itself.

Elliott bows before Farmer: to reach such a peak of eloquence, masterfully masking sarcasm in conversation with the help of barbs and epithets - such a level was not even reached by Elliott himself, even with his rich vocabulary. The writer doesn't know why this manager from Joja.co angered the always good-natured Farmer, but Elliott made a note to himself to never get on the Farmer's bad side.

All right, kiddo! Don't bark at the store like a guard dog! Do Pam a favor and move your bum away from the main JojaMart entrance, she has to get a dark ale on special, plus a 15% off coupon. Huh, don't like Joja? Then don't look at them and problem solved! Like a piece of cake.

The tired father had to put his hands over Vincent's ears more than once to keep the youngest of his sons from hearing the endless stream of profanity from their new Farmer about the greedy megacorporation. Though Kent would be lying if he said the whole rant didn't make him laugh. Still, he tries to hide a smile under his wife's stern gaze.

All right, enough! Why don't you stop swearing, there's little kids walking around! Lewis can understand anything, but not useless swearing. The town mayor really does miss the days when they were all at the old Community Center, but yelling at Joja won't do anything. What do you mean the "Community Center will soon be alive again"? Farmer? Where are they going? Yoba, they're just like their Grandfather. Sigh, what a daredevil...bless your soul, my old friend.

Satisfied with his work and how quickly the number of visitors to JojaMart was growing, Morris didn't even notice how, when talking to a new resident of the Valley (aka "potential customer"), the poor "listener" had a twitch in his eye and a cringing their face. Well, one gets a tic, he doesn't really care. Although when Morris was at the restored Community Center where people started boycotting Joja, now his eye started twitching.

[yinswritingblog]

twst (undisclosed) au

jade leech x gn!reader

a/n: i have specific inspo for this au but i don't wanna give away the plot if i continue with it. i literally haven't even scratched the surface of my idea and i lowkey hate this but i'm tired and had to put something out there 🫠 there's barely any jade in this beginning part so i'm sorry in advance

tags: gn!reader (pronouns unspecified), sfw, little bit of pining, mushrooms written by someone who doesn't know mushrooms, kinda boring, sorry

regardless of shitty quality, DO NOT FEED THIS TO AI or i will hunt you down and be very angry at you

1,456 words

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Climbing a mountain is not one of your regular chores as a farmer.

Life’s just been so boring lately—not that you’re complaining; “bored” is leagues better than famished and starving—but you’ve been thirsting for a little more enrichment than feeding livestock and mucking stables can offer. So naturally, when you went into town a few days ago to sell some of your produce, you scanned Sam’s shop for anything that could spice up your life.

Funny-looking dolls, uniquely flavoured snacks, eye-catching accessories… Sam always had such interesting items in stock, but you couldn’t imagine being amused with any of them for more than a couple days, a week at most. You hummed to yourself before clearing your throat.

“Hey, Sam?” you peeked around the stacked shelves and racks to look for him at the front of the shop. He popped out from beneath the front counter like some sort of life-sized jack-in-the-box.

“Find anything that piques your interest, Imp?” he asked back while glancing at you, simultaneously working on pricing some new trinkets that came in. (The grind never stops, even when he’s serving a customer.)

“Well…” You hated to admit your dissatisfaction so bluntly, but Sam’s a thick-skinned friend of yours; he can take it. “No, actually. Do you have anything new?”

And of course Sam had something new in stock—something perfect. You should’ve never doubted his service. So that day, you left town having sold all your produce, with a pocketful of bronze coins, a skip in your step, and a small pocketbook in hand that you traded for two dozen eggs.

A Guide to Identifying and Foraging Wild Edible Mushrooms: Pocket Edition.

So here you are, hiking up the mountain by your farm that you never once explored in all your years living here. To be fair, you never really had much of a reason to, until now. Now, you have a wealth of information on edible and medicinal wonders of nature in the palm of your hand. Now, you’re aware of the wondrous, not-meat-yet-meaty chunks of yumminess within your reach.

You gasp. Literally. Within. Your. Reach. After verifying with your prized pocketguide, you pluck the stubby white growth from the side of a fallen log. Pleurotus ostreatus. An oyster mushroom. You have yourself an oyster mushroom, and now the world is your oyster.

In your mushroom-finding excitement, you fail to notice the heterochromatic eyes witnessing your discovery from behind a tree.

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Over the next week, you balance out the mundaneness of farm life with the joy of mushroom foraging. So far, you’ve harvested resinous polypore—Ischnoderma resinosum—and lion’s mane—Hericium erinaceus—on top of the oyster mushrooms you initially found. You’re thrilled!

But still, despite your newfound source of joy, you can’t help but wish you didn’t have to work so much on the farm. As you savour a bite of your breakfast omelette made with leftover lion’s mane mushrooms, you dare think to yourself: Sevens, you wished you could have a helping hand. Then you would only have to work half as much, and you’d have twice as much time to go look for mushrooms.

You turn your gaze beyond your open dutch door to the rich mountain nearby.

And then a demon pops out of fucking nowhere to block the view.

“AHHHH!!!” you shriek, before clapping a hand over your mouth. Oh, you realise. It’s not a demon. Just some freakishly tall guy trespassing on your farm. Dressed in a tattered linen tunic and breeches, his ratty clothing doesn’t seem to suit him. With hair the vivid colour of the clear sea, striking heterochromatic eyes, and a razor-sharp jawline, you can’t fathom what he’s doing here. Nor can you imagine why he’s dressed like he’d been washed up ashore. The only accessory that does suit his beauty is the teal earring dangling from his left ear.

“Hello,” the beautiful demon/trespasser man greets politely.

“Hi,” you reply awkwardly. “Can I help you?”

“Well, yes,” he replies, smiling without teeth as he brings his hand to his chest. “I would like to help you on your farm.”

You hum to hide your surprise. Not because his request is startling, though it is very bold, especially for only just having met each other. You’re instead shocked by how quickly your wish seemed to be granted. Maybe he is a demon. But you’ll nevertheless entertain his haphazard job application.

“Hmm. What’s your name?” you ask.

“Ah, right. My name is Jade,” the demon answers with his smooth-ass voice. “My apologies for neglecting to introduce myself sooner.”

You give him your name in return. Jade smiles again. It’s almost unsettling.

“I’ll warn you that it’s a lot of work, Jade. And I can’t give you much more than food and lodging in return. You still interested?”

“Yes.”

You rack your brain for any more upfront reasons that would dissuade Jade from working for you.

“And in terms of food…” you start, “You’re alright eating mushrooms?”

Jade stares at you, eyes wide. Is he blushing?

“You’d feed me your mushrooms?” he whispers.

Ah, so he’s not a fan. Disappointing. Still, you answer.

“Breakfast, lunch, and dinner,” you reply. “Not by themselves, of cour—“

“When may I start?” Jade cuts you off.

“Wha?”

“Working here, for you. When may I start?”

•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•🍄•🍄‍🟫•

Succinctly put, Jade isn’t a demon. In fact, you’d go as far to say that Jade is an angel. A gentlemanly, mushroom-loving angel. Two months in, he does more than his fair share of work on the farm and eats whatever you cook. Often, despite already having laboured in the burning hot sun, doing the heavy lifting that he insisted you shouldn’t do, Jade helps you in the kitchen.

Like he is now. Actually, this time, he’s doing most of the cooking as you wash the dishes and cooking utensils.

A few weeks ago, Jade practically begged you to bring him on one of your hikes. If it was anybody else who asked, you wouldn’t have agreed. But you had to admit: you’re fond of Jade.

From your countless conversations, you learned that Jade lost both his parents to vicious pirates when they were at sea, leaving behind Jade and his brother, Floyd. Jade also told you that he has a funny friend named Azul. The way Jade reminisces about Floyd and Azul is endearing (and also makes the latter seem really pathetic, to be honest), and you can tell he really loves them since he’d left his home to make a better life for the three.

Despite his rough past, he’s perfect. Hardworking, strong, smart, observant, dependable, beautiful, sweet… You could list hundreds if not thousands of things you love about him. The hard part is keeping your praises to yourself, keeping them from spewing out your mouth every time you’re in his presence.

Jade always does as you wish when you ask. But your one deepest wish is selfish, something you can’t ask of him.

You wish he’d never leave your side.

“Dinner’s ready,” Jade gently announces to you, disrupting your internal pining monologue. You can see his closed-eye smile directed at you from the corner of your eye, and you feel your heartbeat quicken.

You grab two bowls from the cupboard and pass them to Jade’s waiting hand. His fingers brush yours in the process, and you have to stop yourself from flinching away. Don’t be suspicious! Act normal! Stop being a pathetic sap!

“Oya, you’re quite red.” Ugh, dammit, blush! “Are you feeling unwell?”

Jade reaches his right hand toward your forehead, which you quickly bat away.

“Am I? I feel fine,” you assure, hoping you sound natural enough. You feel your face warm even more.

“Are you sure?” Jade scrutinizes your flushed face, mere inches between you. “You really are quite red.”

Now, as sweet as he is, Jade loves teasing. Even though he doesn’t like you back—not that he knows of your crush on him—he still plays with you. And your poor heart by association.

You turn away from Jade like a petty child refusing to eat their vegetables. The bastard follows your face with his own as you turn.

“Fufufu,” he chuckles, “you really are quite adorable, aren’t you?”

Your eyes bulge in surprise before you instinctively shield your probably-tomato-red face with your hand.

“Oh,” Jade sighs with a smile, retreating to his personal bubble of space. “How I wish to never leave your side.”

Those words promptly open the floodgates to your endless praises for Jade. Ultimately, in tears, you end up confessing your undying love. In response, Jade smiles at you, wider than you’ve ever seen, eyes half-lidded. He’s so beautiful.

So much for keeping your feelings under wraps.

[justasecretflower]

💐Inyuasha! Men as boyfriends🤍

Incl- inyuasha, miroku, Naraku, Koga, Sesshomaru, Jinenji

Feudal Japan! Era

~ fluff, head canons.

CW- mentions of baby trapping!!

__________________________________________

Inyuasha

-bullying you is his love language /canon

- if he gets clingy, don’t say a word or else he’s yelling at you to shut up with a flushed face.

- tries to do your hair, gives up, gets frustrated, almost cries.

- calls lovey dovey stuff corny.

- hates pda..he won’t do it

- Likes laying his head on your lap and you scratching behind his ear.

- gives rare, but lingering loving kisses alone.

- if he’s feeling extra caring he’ll maybe hit you with a “love…”

Miroku

-I’m gonna fight miroku he’s so weird…

- constantly has a hand on your butt or thigh.

- he’s such a pervert

-will say proudly yell out inappropriate compliments / comments about you. With people around.

-wants kids so bad. Wants like a million /canon

- has a baby name list alr

-very open about his love for you. No matter what. If you’re gone for like a second he’ll pull a “guys..I miss my partner…😔”

-it’s a little pathetic.

-constantly saying he’s gonna wife you up he doesn’t care how long you’ve been dating.

-he buys you expensive stuff all the time and then brags about it to other people.

-“men..we gotta pamper our ladies…😏”

Naraku

- #1 Naraku disliker

-anyway, he’s super manipulative. He looks at you like a pretty doll and nothing more.

- you’re bright, you’re pretty, you can be manipulated. You’re perfect.

-he’d be the type that if you wanted to leave he’d baby trap you..

-and then make you take care of the baby all alone..he’ll still be in a relationship with you just not take care of the kid

-sorry I’m not feeding into ur delusions. I can’t.

- he has servants pamper you, at all times of the day, so that when he comes home you’re sat right outside the door looking pretty and fresh for him.

-materialistically everything is yours.

- late at night, when he’s sure you’re asleep, he’ll kiss you softly on the tip of your nose and mutter a small “I love you.”

-that’s all you’re getting. Sorry!!

Koga

- he always is holding hands with you or has his hand on the small of your back.

- he likes the little nose rub kiss.

- he likes to just take in your scent time to time (not in a weird way duh..)

- tells his people that you’re his future spouse and parent of your future children.

-always somehow brings you up in conversation.

- tells you it was love at first sight. (For him it was)

- “hello my beautiful wife/husband/spouse!!”

- “when we have kids…” and then he goes on a rant.

- he doesn’t care if you’re a wolf yokai or not. He fell in love at first sight and nothing will change that

-tells you multiple times a day how much he loves you.

-he’s so sweet:(

Sesshomaru

- let’s ignore the fact that he got with the girl he knew since she was 4. Then had twins with her.

-it’s so hard for him to express his love.

-he does it in small, chaste cheek kisses or deep kisses randomly.

-if you’re a human, he resents himself for loving you.

-but he can’t stop loving you.

-for him, you’re his first and greatest love, he can’t let you go even if you’re a mere mortal.

- often has you between his legs laying your head on his chest while he wraps his arms around you and burries his face in your neck

- lets you pet the fur on his wolf form

- after awhile, he tells you about his complicated relationship with his half breed brother and why he despises mortals so much.

-I hate saying this but truly love changed his perspective on humans if you were one.

- “my darling”

Jinenji

- my baby!!! :(

- he spent his whole life getting rocks literally thrown at him for existing, his appearance leading him to believe that he would forever be alone in his mothers cottage, taking care of her and the farm work until she died.

- when you came around he immediately was a stuttering, blushing mess.

-he couldn’t believe you weren’t scared of him, or thought he was ugly.

- it took him awhile to confess, but he did, while you were stargazing. It took him like 20 minutes to say “I like you..romantically”

- when you accepted he nearly passed out.

-he carries you around, he likes it when you kiss on his face.

-he nuzzles his face into your side all the time

-bends down to look you in the eye

-you never lift a finger when he’s around.

-asks his mom for advice

-tells his mom about you, oh, and she adores you. Calls you her daughter and makes food with you.

___________________________________________

In conclusion Jinenji my love.

I NEED MORE REQUESTS PLEASE.

Tags

[yautjalover]

Sometimes I think about a Yautja raised by humans meeting another Yautja for the first time.

Like let's say in the 1950s a 20 year old couple found a baby Yautja and decided to raise them. Cause idk they're childless farmers in the middle of nowhere. I once saw somewhere it takes like 67 years for a Yautja to reach adulthood (I may be wrong).

So the year is 2024 and our farmer couple is in their 90s when their now adult alien child meets an injured yautja hunter.

(Also the human raised yautja would probably have human values and beliefs along with wearing human clothes. Plus we all know they'd have the most basic human name like Bobby, Tomas, Elijah, Judy, Martha, Tonya etc.)

The the sadness Yautja Judy would feel along with the misunderstandings that would happen when she meets another of her kind would be funny. Especially when they talk and both realize neither speaks eachothers language.

Judy isn't surprised cause she knows she's an alien and of course her race has its own language. (She is sad though cause they can't communicate) Meanwhile normal yautja (let's call him hunter) is confused and a little terrified cause why is she wearing ooman clothes and speaking perfect English.

Judy would definitely give Hunter uncanny valley like what do you mean you were raised on earth and think hunting oomans is wrong?! What do you mean eating raw meat is nasty, and the predator dogs are ugly?!

It's even worse when Hunter sees her now elderly foster parents and the farm. Cause why would you keep perfectly good prey locked up behind fences? There's no fun in hunting already trapped prey?! Also why are you letting that ooman TOUCH your dreads!?!?!? WTF is braiding?!?!?

Hunters like:

So after Hunter is all healed up he leaves without saying goodbye. Judy is left to believe she'll never see another Yautja again. (Not like she cares dude was always staring at her and hissing at her parents.)

Hunter actually went back to the clanship to get a better translator and told everyone about Judy. No one believes him though....Till he shows his mask recording and everyone's like:

Now everyone is trying to figure out whose Judy's real parents and how to deal with the situation.

Meanwhile weeks later Judy's living her best life never realizing that her real parents just entered earths orbit. And they want her back cause she's literally their ONLY child.

Also this is Judy's childhood always getting jumped on by the family cat. And wearing like 10 layers in fall and winter cause her human parents thought she'd freeze to death.

Ya know this is quite great, because I have a WIP fanfic about this exact scenario. It’s called Kira, that being the human-raised Yautja’s name. Her real name is K1RA, but eventually she was just called Kira.

She’s raised by a secretive arm of the US military and trained to be their defense when a predator visits Earth again. Their own Predator on their side. They of course have her participate in secretive missions for the military.

It’s got a meddlesome goddess, a grumpy Yautja raised by his own people, an adult coming of age and finding one’s place in the world, and finding love in all of that. Despite my life being hectic lately, I’m still working on the eighth chapter. ☺️

You should write that down as a fic! We need more unique Yautja like this. I’d definitely give it a read. 😁 There are so many opportunities for humor and awkward scenarios!

Link to my fic on Ao3 here.

You can also find it on WattPad here.

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley) (Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 10: Haley's POV

“What are you looking for, Haley?” Alex questions me.

“Hm? What do you mean?” I retorted back. We are standing in our usual ‘Egg Festival spots’ which is at the other end of the town square and in the grass.

“You keep looking over there,” Alex points to the pathway leading west from town square.

“No I'm not.”

“Yes you are. I literally see you looking right now.”

“I think you’re seeing things, Alex.” 

“But-”

I turn and give him a frown before he can even begin the rest of his sentence. Instead, he begins a different sentence that I let him finish, “Are you waiting for Farm Girl Danny?”

“No! And don’t call her that! She is more than just a farm girl, Alex. She is also more than a personal comedian,” I cross my arms and daze off for a second, not realizing I am staring right at the pathway I said I wasn’t.

“Um… okay? Not just a farm girl and not just a… personal comedian… Got it,” Alex gives me a confused thumbs up. Sometimes I think there is just air inside his head, but I tolerate him. He has gone through a lot in his life and needs someone there for him. His grandparents took him in when his mom passed and dad walked out. Evelyn and George are very kind people and did a great job taking care of him through his life. He is very kind to both of them in return, and does a lot for them since they’ve gotten older. I love visiting their house and eating Evelyn’s wonderful cooking. However, they make a lot of leek salad for George which I’ve never figured out. Every meal he has to have either just a leek or a leek salad!

Alex wraps his arm around my torso, and I lean my head against his side. We’ve been on and off a lot as a couple. A couple years now at least. Sometimes, I’ve caught him cheating on me when we take trips into Zuzu city but I can never actually see who it is he is with and if she looks like me or not. That’s always the question. OR! He moans a different name when we have sex. Whoever ‘Taylor’ is. Other times he is just plain rude. I don’t know why I stick around though. I think it’s just a small town and I feel trapped. Another reason is I really do feel for him and understand all he has gone through.

Finally, not that I’m looking or anything, I see Danny come into sight over at the west pathway. I immediately stand up straight and stop leaning on Alex. He notices my reaction and moves his arm away, half expecting me to bolt over to her.

She is wearing those overalls she wore like 4 times when she first got here. She has on a purple shirt underneath that looks like it has yellow flowers on it. Perfect for the Egg Festival. Her chestnut brown hair under her cowboy hat has been chopped off though! It’s about shoulder length and shaggy. She no longer has the long braid that I thought was pretty cute on her. 

I reach for my own hair that I braided this morning for the occasion and start fiddling with it anxiously, unsure of what to do next. 

Everyone is crowding Danny as she enters town square. All talking to her, introducing themselves to her if she hasn’t met them already, and Vincent and Jas are hugging her legs. I can’t seem to peel my eyes away from them all. I feel a pang of jealousy rising in me.

“Do you want to go over there, too? Say hi?” Alex snaps me out of my trance.

“No. Let’s just stay here.” I continue watching from a distance. There is no need to go over there. She seems busy with everyone else anyway. That is until she looks my way. She raises her hand in the air as a hello gesture. From here, I can still see her bright, big, charming smile.

The crowd is still swarmed around her, but she is only focused on me. She doesn’t break her gaze after gesturing hello, but she doesn’t walk over here either. Instead, she finally turns to Mayor Lewis and nods her head.

“Everyone participating in the annual egg hunt, get into your positions!” Mayor Lewis announces.

“Eat dust guys. You all know I win every year,” I hear Abigail brag. Vincent and Jas look visibly upset as she says that. Danny noticed their reactions and started smirking.

“We’ll see about that,” Danny says to Abigail who is staring daggers at her.

“On your marks… get set… GO!” Mayor Lewis chants.

Sam, Elliot, Vincent, Penny, Jas, Abigail, Maru, Leah, and Danny all take off around the town.  Alex had walked over to his grandparents to socialize with them which I don’t blame him for. I’d do the same thing. I’m left standing around a couple bushes that I've noticed earlier had an egg hiding in them.

Danny is now grouped up with Vincent and Jas, helping them find eggs. They are laughing and playing around searching every area imaginable. Danny points out the eggs for them and they run over and throw them into their baskets. Danny hasn’t put a single egg in her own basket. 

The three of them get closer to me and I decide to speak up. 

“Pssst,” I whisper to them.

3 pairs of eyes make direct eye contact with me. I tilt my head in the direction of the bush that has the egg in it. Danny gently taps Jas to go over and get the egg. In a fit of giggles, Jas runs over.

“Thank you ma'am,” Jas politely thanks me.

“Yeah, thank you ma’am,” Danny smirks and tips her hat slightly at me. I immediately feel my face get warm. The short hair really suits her.

Danny doesn’t even realize the two kids took off looking for more eggs. She is too busy standing all high and mighty with her arms crossed, staring at me. I notice her look me up and down a couple times, and I feel my stomach lurch. 

“Look at you,” she takes a step and takes my long, blonde braid gently in her hand, “you look like a princess.” 

My face gets even warmer and I can only manage to stutter, “I-... ye-... uh-...”

“That’s time folks! Bring your eggs to me so I can count them!” Mayor Lewis announces across the town.

“See you around, princess,” Danny mutters before catching up to Jas and Vincent.

“Abigail with 8 eggs!” Let’s see if anyone can out do that this year!” Mayor Lewis calls out.

Everyone who knew they didn’t have over 8 eggs shyly backed down. However, Jas and Vincent went running over to Mayor Lewis with their baskets. Danny is standing proudly a couple feet behind them.

“Would you look at that! Jas AND Vincent with 10 eggs each! We have the winners folks! Here is your prize… sorry…we only have one,” Lewis says shamefully.

The two of them run over to Danny with their prize. It was a straw hat. They hand it up to her but she just takes it and places it playfully onto Vincent's head, purposely covering his eyes with the brim. She looks behind her and notices a daffodil growing from the ground. She bends over, picks it from its place, and hands it to Jas. However, there is still another daffodil growing in the same area and she picks that one too. She starts walking over to me.

“For you. For helping with finding an egg,” she sings as she hands me the daffodil.

I do a small gasp. “For me? Thank you!” but before I can take it out of her hands, she tucks it behind my ear.

“Matches your outfit,” she points out. I had totally forgotten I threw on a yellow and green sundress today. 

“Oh…yeah…you’re right,” I mumble while smoothing out my dress.

“Did you enjoy the Egg Festival?” Danny asks.

“This festival is alright... but what I'm really looking forward to is the Flower Dance.” I reply as I raise my shoulders and tilt my head.

“Ahhh the flower dance. When is that exactly?” 

“It’s on the 24th. You’ll be able to see it on the calendar at Pierre’s,” I pointed over to the wall of the store where the bulletin board is. Part of me wants her to look at the calendar so she knows it’s my birthday tomorrow.

“I guess I’ll have to look at that before I go home today, eh?” 

“You could.”

We stand around in awkward silence, neither of us knowing what to say next.

“Well I better get back home and keep working. I have to rack up some more money so I can expand my house and actually get a kitchen and a bedroom,” Danny chuckles, “I have nowhere to put my groceries… or all those ladies you think are in love with me,” she sneers jokingly.

“You need to forget I ever said that! I mean look at you, I don’t know who would ever love a big mutt like you,” I say a little meaner than intended. Danny’s face drops. I didn’t mean to say it! She seems easy to love and she isn’t a mutt! I don’t know why I just said that.

“You just had to ruin it. I have to go Haley,” Danny storms off to the west path and disappears. I’m left standing alone, holding my hand up to my mouth and choking back tears.

[ninyard]

The Scriptures aka towning according to nin. (subject to change)

can’t do this without acknowledging the descriptions of them by @rekikiri which are just perfect plus some more stuff on them here and this wonderful background by @tara-the-star

(I owe everyone like a million socmed posts just for putting up with my shit re: this. enjoy!)

austin michael browning

- southern boy. has a soft southern accent. i was thinking something like southern georgia, but his parents have a stronger accent than he does. he didn't want to be known as the sweet darlin' southern boy when he moved to virginia for his FBI training, so he tried his best to speak a bit more neutral

- it didn't last long

- 6’2, soft brown hair, beautiful brown eyes. he’s covered in freckles and has the most gorgeous warm skin with some terrible tan lines. when he tans, he tans.

- he’s quite built but you can only tell when he takes off his suit jacket or he’s wearing just a shirt/t-shirt. if he could’ve gotten an a+ on the fbi fitness test he would’ve. he’s incredibly strong and goes to the gym most mornings (at like 6am. he’s a real early bird)

- has a bachelors degree in law/criminal justice

- was a detective for two years in georgia until he went to quantico. worked on criminal intelligence cases, but occasionally worked on juvenile crime cases. he had one particularly difficult case involving both departments (organised crime involving a minor) which inspired him to work for the FBI.

- has four siblings. he's the middle child with two older sisters and two younger sisters.

- he’s a somalier without being a somalier. literally knows anything and everything about wine. always has the right bottle of wine for any occasion or meal. recommending wines and opening his favourite wines is his love language.

- his family live by strict traditional values - two of his sisters were married by the time they were 22, and the other two followed suit at 21 and 23. he has a couple of nieces and nephews that he doesn’t get to see too often but he’s their fun uncle. he had a lot of pressure to find a nice girl and settle down, and always brushed off the girlfriend question (he even made up a fake girlfriend when he was in college, just to get his parents off his back) ((they didn’t “date” for very long))

- his dad worked on a farm his whole life and his momma has always been a housewife. his sisters were the only ones his mom taught to cook and clean. he had to teach himself a lot of life skills in college. he still occasionally ruins his clothes by washing them wrong but he’s learned to get his work suits dry cleaned. it’s much cheaper to do that than have to get new ones when he inevitably shrinks them.

- his mom never teaches him how to cook/bake, but she gives him a handwritten book of recipes when he moves to maryland for work. it sits on a shelf in the kitchen of his apartment but he’s never used it

- (until towns visits his apartment for the first time and tells him that he has to make him some of his ‘momma’s recipes’ someday. browning falls in love, naturally, and tries a couple dishes and treats)

- he didn’t really know or acknowledge that he was gay until he was in college. he’d had a few “girlfriends” here and there in highschool but he always felt like he was forcing himself into liking them. he kissed a boy for the first time when he was 19, and everything made sense for him, but even still he buried it down quite deep and focused on his studies instead of relationships.

- his family are not accepting at all. He grew up around a lot of homophobia and slurs and disrespect of lgbt+ people, and so that made it really hard for him to come to terms with his sexuality. he started to distance himself from them when he went to college, and the weekly phone calls with his mom turned to once a fortnight, into once or twice a month, into whenever she eventually didn’t take no for an answer and kept calling until he picked up.

- the only person who knew that he was gay was his oldest sister, who he came out to when he was in the third year of his degree. she was honest and told him that their mom and dad wouldn’t be supportive of him, but she wasn’t going to tell them either.

- she always changed the topic when the “girlfriend” conversation came up when he would go home for thanksgiving or Christmas or some other occasion. he appreciated that a lot

- started smoking cigarettes in college and struggled to give it up. he barely smokes anymore but every now and again on a tough case he finds himself reaching for a packet of cigarettes (towns hates it)

samuel arthur towns

- new york new yooorkkk. he was born somewhere in new york that i haven't figured out yet.

- 5’11, mixed with a white dad and a black mom. he wears glasses. he’s not as big or strong as austin is, but he’s in really good shape. he has gorgeous dark brown eyes and spends way too much time on his hair.

- has a tattoo on his thigh.

- he’s an only child to his absolutely amazing mother and father. they’re SO supportive of him and have always trusted him to make good choices in life - he tells his mom everything. he calls her almost every other day and visits home as often as possible.

- has a double bachelors degree in psychology and law from Columbia

- was a backliner on his high school exy team but never had any intentions of becoming an athlete/going pro. he was a TOTAL jock back then

- when he graduated college he pretty quickly knew he wanted to do something good that wasn’t necessarily becoming a cop. he waited until he turned 23 and on the day he finished his two years of working in an attorney’s office, he applied for a job with the fbi

- came out as gay pretty young. his parents have always been fairly liberal (his mom was a hippie back in the day) so he came out as a teenager and they’ve always been cool with it

- right when he was in the middle of his FBI training in quantico, he was dumped by the man he’d been dating for like two years. he had to put it to the back of his mind to focus on the academy, but it was one of the things that made him and austin first start speaking

- he’s kept journals since he was a kid. he has a full shelf of journals and sketchbooks from the age he was 10 or 11 until the present. he always carries a little black notebook with him and writes down his thoughts and little sketches. (its full of doodles of browning)

- his parents also have books and boxes full of photos of him from birth. it’s like an INSANE number of photos. their attic is just full of boxes and boxes of pictures. (austin’s favourite is one they have on the wall in the living room of sammy as a teenager in his exy gear)

- in turn he’s really into photography too and always takes photos. he shoots on film, so he has loads of boxes full of photos too. his dream is to have a dark room in his home.

- his mom really is his best friend. she’s his biggest fan, and the reason he studied psychology. she’s a holistic therapist, and gives the BEST advice. his dad is a food critic.

- when he was younger a friend of his was killed after because he became involved with the wrong people and ended up in a gang. it totally changed a lot for him, and seeing the way the case was handled really inspired him to get into law/want to go into the fbi. he saw all these young black boys from underfunded and underprivileged backgrounds finding themselves caught up in gangs and when things would happen to them - it was clear the effort to stop the feuds and the violence was not as important as if a young white man had been killed, or indoctrinated because he had no choice.

- his mom was worried when he told her that he’d applied to be in the fbi. they had a very long conversation about the realities of what he would see working with the fbi, why he wanted to do it, what it would mean for his future, and the things he couldn’t do. he knew all of it already, having researched it all as soon as he realised it was the career path he wanted to go down, but she really wanted to be sure he knew what he was getting himself into. it scared him, for a little bit, but he knew it was the right choice for him.

- he has a license, but doesn’t drive that much. he didn’t really need to drive much living in new york, and 90% of the time, in maryland, austin drives him around.

- he’s partially deaf in one ear from a crash that happened during a car chase a few years into working with the fbi.

- the hardest part about working where he does was learning how to shoot a gun. he hates it. like he’s good at it and smart with it but he hates having a gun. the first time he shot a real person he held it together until he got home later and was practically in shock. (he wasn’t sure if telling his mom broke confidentiality or not, so because he was on the case with austin, he invited him over and he ended up staying the night just to keep him company)

- austin and sam only lived in seperate apartments for about six months when they moved to maryland until they decided to move in together. austin was already renting a two bedroom apartment, whereas sam was in a studio, and it just made more financial sense for them to move in together. ("financial")

- he started crushing on austin so early on in their friendship, but he had no idea that austin was pretty much the same.

- austin and sam met when they both started their training in quantico together. they were roommates at the academy but didn’t really interact too much. they only really started talking after one of the first weekends they were allowed to leave the campus - towns went home to visit his boyfriend on the Friday and came back trying to hide the fact he was a wreck on Sunday. he tried not to talk about it, because they’re judging their emotional maturity in the academy, but when browning asked if he was okay, he spilled a little too much.

- even after that, they weren’t really friends. they talked, of course, about their classes and the academy itself, but that was mostly it. towns didn’t know browning was gay, because he never mentioned it, even when towns told him he was gay. most evenings austin would sit at his desk with headphones on while studying, and sammy wouldn’t usually interrupt.

- then one time when they’re both at the gym at the same time, austin notices sam working out, and his form isn’t quite right for the work out he’s doing. austin corrects him after telling him he’ll hurt himself working out the way that he is, and he helps him through a couple of other sets that he does himself. they go to the gym together most days after that, spotting each other when they’re doing weights. they start running in the mornings, too.

- during the course of training there’s a couple of occasions where students at the academy are expected to wear business attire. they’re both getting dressed up in their suits, and austin is kind of embarrassed because he doesn’t really know how to properly tie a tie. his dad usually tied them for him, and for some reason even though he swore he knew how to do it, he’s just really struggling. sam offers to help and austin ends up talking a little bit about his family, but not giving away anything about how shitty they really are.

- one of the weekends they’re allowed off campus, later on at their time in training, towns asks browning if he wants to go out for dinner and a drink. it’s not a date, and neither of them think it is, but neither of them were going home for the weekend and they both wanted to do something. austin ends up picking a restaurant based off their wine list, and they talk about their lives outside of quantico for a little bit. they can’t exactly go out and get drunk - or they’re both afraid to do so in case they get kicked out of the academy - but they sit and talk and share a bottle of wine.

- they get closer, and when they graduate, towns’ mom and dad show up, and browning’s family doesn’t. they take pictures together (one of towns’ favourite photos ever) and sam introduces austin to his mom and dad. they’re going out for a celebratory meal, and sam’s dad invites austin along so he’s not celebrating by himself. he refuses, but when they insist, he comes along.

- oh and it’s SUCH a nice evening. he fills any rare awkward silence by explaining his wine choice to sammy’s dad, while sam’s mom nudges her son and raises her eyebrows like oh, he’s cute.

- they exchange phone numbers before they both head home to wait for their offers.

- (austin spent most of those 18 weeks smiling because of how close him and sam got. sam spent about half of that time thinking damn. am I falling for another straight guy?)

- austin calls sam first the day they find out where they’re being stationed. they tell each other on 3 that they’ve both been stationed in maryland and oh my god. Austin didn’t even know he was going to feel so relieved but he’s like holy shit. I didn’t even realise i was secretly really hoping that we were going to work together.

(there’s more but. I have to stop myself. The brain rot is setting in deeper and deeper)

[ofmermaidstories]

you saying you’d write an au for stardew is the equivalent of getting a rabbits foot and multiple prismatic shards in one day omg. even if u don’t do it the idea popping in ur head is already fantastic! i’m so happy you love the game i think it’s the perfect distraction for life !!! if only we could all just pack our things and move to our inherited farms and become the richest in town… it’s nepotism at work lol

please tae, i literally daydream about someone giving me a deed to a farm or a plot of land somewhere. 😭 and the thing is!!! like!!! farming’s not an easy job, it’s so dependant on the earth/weather, and even before climate change was a tangible threat it was a hard, hard living. 🥺 i get stressed out with my video game, lmao, 10pm and im still out in the fields hoeing or planting seeds, like. 💀 imagining doing that for like, 40+ plus to make a living……. you’d have to have a good team around you. 😩 farmhands, or family. a good spouse LOL. even a little hobby farm would be stressful………. and yet i still want that life. 😔 an orchard by the sea. 🥹 still stressful, but maybe slightly more manageable lmao.

i am trying so, so hard not to give into the temptation (not yet) to fulfil this wish via a fic LMAO. 🥹🙏🏽 i’m trying to feed it by doing like, small things: naming it (from the valley), making a playlist for it. god, i’ve gotten to the stage where i actively pause the game to write down little notes (things in our backpack: pink cake. a orange poppy flower. goat’s cheese. four cups of banana pudding. a totem with a weathered, deeply carved face. the pock-marked head of a mushroom). i am fighting for my life!!! the only thing that’s actually, properly stopping me from the follow through is that i don’t have a romantic end-game in mind. because in my head i’ve already given Reader three potential boyfies: izuku, katsuki, and maybe shouto (maybe shinsou instead). like, i can picture how friendships/relationships would form among them (izuku the kind, helpful guy. katsuki in the background, wary. shouto the son of the man who founded the company we worked for, back in the city; our work husband, who we joked to about following us out to the valley and who does). the one thing i’d want to do is have Reader find their way to Skull Caverns, and realise that all the magic they thought was whispering to just them has been whispering to other people, too—Izuku, sword in hand, staring at us in horror when he finds us cradling a large, spotted egg. Katsuki, rounding the corner after him, swearing black and blue about ghosts—sdhjfgklsdjflsfgkjsflkgj. i wanna write it so badly, just to get to that moment, LMAO. the mutual horror when all three of you are face-to-face in this giant, deadly, underground maze. the boys making you swear to secrecy; Izuku tearing into you for being so stupid, how did you even find this place, how did you know, do you understand what could’ve happened? you should’ve told them, you should’ve told him. your relief in finally having someone to talk to about all the weird shit you keep stumbling across. the way this would give Izuku an excuse to drop in to you, on the farm. Katsuki turning up to help with the tilling or seasonal planting, the harvest. i want to write about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! being on the dock in the middle of winter as the snow is falling, all those festive, jewel-like boats bobbing gently before you, waiting with their… winter star trees, or their paintings. the sea salt and the charred warmth of coffee beans. the mermaid show with all it’s tawdry secrecy…… the worn carpet under your feet, the mismatched planks that hold steady despite the creaking. i just think!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it would be neat to do. 🥹 i just!! it’s such a good world to play in LMAO. and if i could come up with a ending for it—a true, stops-me-in-my-tracks kind of ending—not even my attempts at nail-digging self-discipline would stop me from writing it.

for now tho it’s just my yapping, lmao. my yapping and my threats. 🥹

[ted-answers]

Hey Ted, were you ever like… bullied as a kid? If so, what for?

(ooc; long post and sorry for typos, I cannot be bothered to reread this for a 7th time)

Oh. Oh yes. It was for what you'd expect honestly, my family was dirt poor. Growing up I had, at most, maybe four outfits? None of them ever stayed clean long enough to be decent, as I wore them not only to school but also while doing farm work. My hair was never clean, I was always being sent around places to work on machines- I had a knack for them and if there's one thing me and my parents had in common, it was knowing when something was profitable- I wasn't ever getting homework done or sleeping because of how much work I'd be doing. I passed out in class often. My hair always had oil or grease in it. I had burns, cuts, and bruises nearly constantly, and my already filthy clothes started getting oil stains.

All of that was the perfect recipe for pre-teens with better living situations to tear me to pieces. Didn't help that while growing up I was skinny, tall, and pretty malnourished. I couldn't fight anyone off if I tried. I was a bookworm for fucks sake, I was practically a walking target. I think one of the reasons my parents pulled me out of school in my early teens, before I could even become a freshman in high school, was likely so they could avoid the responsibility of what was essentially neglect. Plus, with no homework, I could get so much more work done. yay.

Despite it all, and despite the fact I think I hated my parents, for loads of good reasons. I miss them. I can't even remember their faces. I don't remember our family name. I barely remember the farm. I can't even recall my siblings. Not to sound like a child, but I miss them, so, so much. I would give everything, anything, to say sorry for leaving them. For never giving them any of the riches I acquired. For changing both my names and pretending I had been an orphan all my life. I want my mom. I want my dad.

I haven't thought this in years, decades even, but

I want to go home.

(ooc; hot take but Ted genuinely has one of the saddest backstories because he is such a victim of circumstance. I see people going "omg he used rich women for their money" and what they don't realize is that his only other option was slaving away on a farm in South Carolina for the rest of his life. Something that had already consumed his entire childhood. He didn't even have a high school diploma. Tell me what the hell he's supposed to do for career paths without one of those. Yes, he was a genius, he was entirely self-educated from the age of 13 onwards. He dove into books to ignore his outward circumstances. He can't really get a decent job with that. Hell- He was on an entirely different continent by the time he finally had freedom. His literal only option was to be a fucking playboy. Scamming was the only constant stream of cash. I'll admit that can be mildly comedic in some scenarios but it's also sad. Justice for Ted I love him.)

[enpr-ss]

My favorite things about Grian, Joel, and Scar's 100 Hours in Hardcore series:

The way Joel and Scar instantly joined and kept away from Grian JUST TO TROLL HIM. They wasted 0 time and fully committed to the bit. That it's on the Last Life server and so everyone's whitelisted, there's no advancements to give it away in chat, is just perfect. How Grian didn't expect this to happen at all when it's obviously the logical and in-character thing to do. And he's trapped between them too.

The timer that really shows how much effort these mcyters put into their content, and also their skill at the game to get all this done in a relatively short amount of time. Early game really is such a pain, but resource gathering and building took them much less time than the average player. And pretty much all the usual stuff are done around the 50 hour mark.

Of course Scar takes advantage of the easier crafting recipe for TNT and gives Grian a terrible present. And of course Grian's luck in it unearthing the coal he needed. And of course Scar steals the enchanting table.

Grian's luck is insane. I've never seen such easy gathering of ancient debris.

Grian immediately needing rescue by Joel from the nether because he trapped himself while trying to prank Joel. Classic Grian luck.

They brought Jimmy on specifically for him to be mob bait, and PVP is enabled ONLY for him. Classic, because otherwise Joel and Grian would have ended each other's series already.

The foreshadowing of Grian arrogantly stating that he doesn't need a chestplate, running ahead of Jimmy who literally Only Had One Job, and dying immediately because he didn't have a chestplate. All because he wanted to get totems for Scar. Ironic.

Grian's build looking like he longs to be back skiing

The completely unfair death games and the completely predictable prisoner's dilemma results where they BOTH have to wear the armor

Everything about the hunters. All the stupid deaths. The scuffedness of it all. The mustaches. Minecraft pvp really is stupid.

The whole bit with messing with Grian's oxidizing copper

The giant Scar-sized mattress beds to mitigate fall damage. “Wait it’s getting night do you have a bed?”

The raid negotiations.

How Scar just makes everyone throw safety out the window. The endermen. Bridging with trapdoors.

“Hey Scar” creeper farm that he could added like 3 more layers to and tripled the efficiency rates.

Everytime he bullies Jimmy. “I know I got that type of face”

Joel being absolutely insufferable about one-upping Grian in hours, not dying, having a helmet, having a taller base, etc

"I think I’ve just sacrificed my wife for a nether star." “If you have a mustache you can come back apparently”

The pink Technoblade axolotl!!

Joel’s squeals are so high pitched and utterly hilarious to hear.

Joel’s chaotic murder energy.

“We should make out”

WHY DID HE JUMP ON TOP OF THE TNT MINECART. WHY.

Joel's streak of falling into his own traps continues. The hunters gearing up on his stuff, the wither not doing anything, dying to his own tnt minecart.

Scar's absolutely terribly dangerous base and playstyle. Giving everyone heart attacks. WHY IS HE PRACTICING WATER BUCKET CLUTCHES ON A HARDCORE SERIES?!?!? Why is his portal so dangerous. My heart can’t take this omg. WHY DIDNT HE TEST HIS ROLLERCOASTER?!? And of course it nearly kills him. The plank of doom is so anxiety inducing omg.

The foreshadowing with Grian worrying about enabling Scar’s death via elytra.

Grian and Joel having a blast on the minecarts while he struggles with it despite being the one WHO BUILT THE TRACKS. Him being stuck between Joel and Grian on the tracks along with the pillagers as a highway robbery moment is also very. Well. Tropey.

Them bullying Scar with their elytras is so good everytime. The whole endbusting shenanigans.

Scar's completely on brand and predictable death. "Can I have a mustache?" HE EVEN HOVERED OVER HIS 0 DURABILITY ELYTRA. The totem was even in his hotbar. “I made it out of surgery for this?!”

[wraithdance]

The TF 141 Compatibility Love Report

For: @dwarvenagenda

Disclaimer:

This is based on my personal opinion and interpretation of you and the character.  the user makes no claims to be a real doctor or any medical professional. Please don't sue me! I got shook down by some girl scouts, they took my money and broke my knee caps. I have nothing but my illusions of grandeur left :(

The Doc says your TF 141 Perfect Match is…

Simon 'Ghost' Riley!

Romance: Unsurprisingly this was a no brainer for me! Romance with you and this scary murder muffin would be like two worlds colliding and merging into something so fundamentally right it blinds the rest of us peons. Simon is often misunderstood and labelled as a 'big bad'. As a partner you would be able to give him the space to put down his armor and be his unmasked self (doubly important because I do personally believe he is on the autistic spectrum.) The same would be said for you, given his protection of his family and his loyalty to his team, I don't think Simon would shy away from supporting you through even the hardest times. Mutual understanding and acceptance is the core of why I believe this is your perfect match.

Simon has weathered the torrential storms life has given him, he's not leaving you behind once he's got that collar on him and babes the leash you'd hold is but another string of fate. I specifically use dog analogies in reference for Simon because as humans a lot of us like to believe we are absolved of our primal natures with the emphasis on moral rightness.

Simon is someone who seems to embrace his more 'primitive' traits to be effective and cut through to the hard truths over politeness. To me, that means when Simon has his teeth in someone soft with gentle hands, he's in for life. In this dynamic physical connection would take precedence (with a bit of an awkward phase inevitably) and shared inside jokes would be the glue to a successful relationship. Romance with him is lazy days in bed at your rustic cabin or farm, taste testing recipes while music plays in the kitchen, playing footsie while checking in on your stardew valley crops.

Sex:  Please know that shit would be so good you'd need 800 years to write love sonnets about it. Sex with Simon would be the definition of dichotomy. Rough and primal, all teeth and tight grip, demands for acknowledgment of your life long (and beyond) connection. But also sensual and slow, wet lashes and heady kisses, sweetness that usurps the taste of candy. Either way he's taking care of you the whole time and he'll put you first. Def into freaky shit if you are! Get him comfortable with not having control and you can hogtie that man up and ride him like your life depends on it, if you so choose.

Possible points of Contention:

Trouble with communicating needs

may be insensitive about certain niceties

heavy handed with the petting (good luck to you and your pets lol)

Your Poly Pairing (haha) is…

GhostGaz- Pure bliss. Do I even need to tell you the vibes? In this poly pairing you would 100% be the ward to Simon's knight. Gaz would act as the charming diplomat and first point of contact for potential threats. But when shit hits the fan? These men work like perfectly oiled machines to get you all to the other-side. that goes for the way they'd flow in a relationship with you. Always pivoting around each other in an intricate dance to ensure the continued happiness of your lil love bubble. Besides who wouldn't want to wake up to the literal epitome of sour and sweet?

[erose-this-name]

Punishment.

Cult of the Lamb Ficlet because I lost control of my life again

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=⁂=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Lamb and their right hand cat, Narinder, walk about the cult grounds discussing plans for new buildings.

Kallamar and Saleos walk by, the former passively rambling outloud about schemes he will never actually go through with to the latter who just nods along, with the same reverence and eagerness a dog might have toward its owner. Kallamar seems to look at Saleos the same way one might be looked at by their housecat. As little good as they're surely up to, neither god of death pays them any mind, as they have proved to be more harmless together than apart.

Lamb chats to Narinder while sketching vague blueprints, “I saw you at your siblings’ house earlier, Nari’.”

Narinder grunts, “... And?”

“Don’t tell me The One Who Waited has forgiven them already?” Lamb teases.

“Of course not! None of my siblings have my forgiveness, nor will they ever. But, that spider is hardly the same person who betrayed me, not anymore. No point punishing the innocent. No point in letting what little remains of their talents go to waste.”

Narinder chooses his words carefully, the Lamb has probably already gleaned from his thoughts that he went to see Shamura, but maybe he could hide his intent behind ambiguity. This is just another facet of the countless indignities and adjustments he has had to go through after losing his Crown.

“Pragmatic!” Lamb smiles, complimenting the cat. Then, why do you think of guilt, Narinder?

Leshy bursts from the ground before Lamb, startling the young god of death. The worm bares his teeth, gesturing with his seeing eye cane, “Horrendous cruel beast! Why does Heket have to tend to both the farms and the gardens!? And is the head chef? EXPLAIN YOURSELF, IMMEDIATELY!”

Narinder rolls his third eye and picks up the blueprint Lamb had been working on, checking the shrine dimensions and blood plumbing for mistakes or minor improvements. It’s a skill that is easy to learn, but takes eons of practice to master.

Lamb looks at the worm with a wide friendly smile, unsure of his angle. His chaotic thoughts do not help. “Because, Leshy… She’s an ex-fertility goddess of harvest. I know it’s a lot of work, and she said she was the god of famine, but she seems to retain some power or knowledge of the opposite, so I think she can handle-”

Leshy throws his arms up, “SO DO I! I AM THE GOD OF NATURE! LOOK AT ME! I’M LITERALLY PART PLANT! Heket’s domain is merely domestic crops. Allow me to tend to the flowers and the trees, and I will grow them better than she ever could. Those camellias will have no choice but to obey me, FOR I AM THEIR GOD.”

Lamb tilts their head inquisitively, reopening the wound hidden under their bell collar, “Huh, so that’s why you look like that. I always thought you were the god of chaos?”

“Chaos is nature! Plants are not meant to be grown in ugly rows, so called ‘weeds’ are not meant to be pulled up, my hedges not meant to be trimmed into cubes. Nature is chaotic, it’s people who inflict their order upon it.” Leshy balls his fist.

“But, weren’t you also technically the god of order?” Lamb raises a brow, discreetly checking to make sure they’re wearing the blood red fleece, today. Or at least the robes they stole from Narinder.

Leshy produces a flower from somewhere, likely thin air, and uses it as a prop, “I am! Order is nature! Have you ever considered a flower? The intricacies and mathematical perfection of their petals, that I painted? The perfectly rehearsed dance of an ecosystem in balance? Nature is ordered, it’s people who inflict their chaos upon it.”

“Uh…” Lamb smiles, incredulously.

“What? That made perfect sense, right Narinder? The vile lamb must also be stupid.” Leshy says, rolling his non-existent eyes and throwing an arm around Narinder’s shoulder.

Narinder shrugs him off, not seeming to give a shit.

Lamb says, “Thank you for your concern, Leshy, but I think our current camellia output is sufficient. We really can’t spare another lumberjack, especially one as talented as you.~”

The green worm glowers at the Lamb, bearing his teeth. He turns and storms off.

Narinder watches his brother walk off. He turns to the Lamb, “Why did you put Heket in charge of sustenance? She is not above poisoning, or worse, you are aware of that.”

Lamb giggles, dropping the façade and rubbing their neck, “Because working with food torments her, now she can’t eat anything. Not if it’s still solid. She’s still much too proud to do a bad job, though. And I’m not worried about her poisons, anymore.”

Narinder says, “Oh. She always was a glutton, I suppose.”

“You think I’m being cruel, Nari’?” Lamb says coquettishly, licking their own blood and ichor from their clawed fingers.

Narinder’s three eyes narrow at the Lamb, “Cease your reading of my mind. And, yes, of course I do. However, I did not say it was a bad thing. She deserves it. I imagine that is also why you have Leshy cutting trees down, instead of growing them? Scary, how much of my vindictiveness has rubbed off on you, once so innocent... and, come to think, this is also probably why I was made your ‘disciple’, wasn't it?”

The Lamb gives him a sharp smile, “Ehehehe! Now, I’m starting to wonder if you can read my mind. A fitting punishment, yea? Always by my side. So close to the object of your desire, yet forever powerless to take it…”

Narinder’s face turns red and he gets a nosebleed. “I HATE YOU, Lamb! You are horrible and evil and vile, I’m leaving now.”

The three-eyed cat runs back into his hut.

Lamb mumbles to themself, obliviously, “Huh? He’s still thinking I’m cruel. He must really want the Red Crown back, I better keep teasing him with it!”

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=⁂=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

As Leshy retreats to a secluded part of the cult grounds with a bottle of ‘very good’ wine he stole, to brood over the Lamb’s refusal, he groans to realize that he’s unfortunate enough for Kallamar to have already been there doing the same thing.

Kallamar smiles and waves, beckoning Leshy to sit beside him. After a few moments of Leshy not reacting, he speaks up, “Hello, Brother! Sit down, sit down! Still living with that mortal cat?”

Leshy sighs as he does so, “Yes. Still living in Heket’s basement?”

“Just because she built a floor above mine doesn’t make it the basement. It’s a ‘cellar’…” Kallamar clarifies.

“Rrrright.” Leshy brings his bottle to his lips.

“You know, it’s funny how you only act like a normal person when you’re drunk. You’re so much more genuine, this way. I much prefer it.”

Leshy spits out his wine, “W-what’s that supposed to mean?! I’M ALWAYS NORMAL!!! … So, anyways, how’s Shamura doing? If you ever need help taking care of-”

Kallamar cuts him off, “Oh, could you? That'd be great. Saleos hardly ever has time to help. Shamura's condition is… well they haven’t been getting any less lucid. They can take care of most things themself, these days. That’s actually what I was about to mention. Narinder came by the house today. Was asking to visit them.”

Leshy’s hand tightens around the bottle’s neck, “What? You didn’t let him, did you?”

“Of course not. Heket would’ve had my head if I did.”

“Huh… Why?”

“No idea, I can never read the guy. Maybe he feels bad? He used to be very close to Shamura, can’t imagine he wanted any of this to happen.” 

“Maybe… But why now? We’ve been living here for close to a decade-”

“Decades, actually. This year it's 28, for me. You've been here a lot longer.” The squid corrects.

Leshy sighs, “... ‘Decadessssss’. You know what I mean. Maybe that horrid little Lamb put him up to it. Seems to enjoy torturing us like that.”

Kallamar shrugs, “Shamura’s been asking about Narinder ever since.”

Leshy raises his tone, “Shamura doesn’t know any better. They don’t even understand what happened to them, half the time. Even when they still had the Purple Crown, they kept giving him ‘gifts’. As if nothing had changed.”

Kallamar swirls the red liquid around in his bottle, “I don’t know. You really don’t think it isn’t time to extend the olive branch? He’s in the same boat as us, now. To be honest, I don’t even blame Narinder. He did what any of us would have done in that situation.”

“That’s… surprising to hear from you, Kallamar.”

“I just wish I didn’t have to get caught up in the crossfire. And, isolating Narinder has only been driving him closer to the Lamb, somehow. They are our real enemy.”

Leshy rolls his nonexistent eyes, “Ah, there it is… I mean, I don’t disagree. I empathize with him. And I miss having him as a brother, before all of this. But, I don’t know if I could ever forgive him, not after all he’s taken from me. My existence is hell, because of him.”

“Isn’t that more because of the Lamb, Brother?”

“What? No. Don’t get me wrong, I despise the Lamb. But, it was Narinder who gouged out my eyes, who sicced that vile beast on me.”

“... so?” Kallamar raises a brow.

“W-what do you mean ‘so’? Look at me! What he did to me.” Leshy gestures to his bandaged face.

“He did the same to all of us, you don’t see me asking for pity.” Kallamar takes a drink.

Leshy laughs in Kallamar’s face.

“PFFHAhAHAHahah! NO! No-no, no, no. No. We are not the same. I will admit, Shamura received a far worse fate than I, though my own suffering outweighs that of everyone besides. Then, after mine, was Heket’s. Then Narinder’s. And only then, last of all, is you. He Who Waited merely tore off part of the outside fins of your ears, you are not even deaf, not completely… And, I don’t despise you for losing nothing, Brother, I detest you because you got off so easy because you were a coward then, and you won’t even admit it because you are a coward now.”

Kallamar shakes his head, “Lost ‘nothing’? I lost my crown, my cult!”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, but yes. You did, though I’m sure you cried and bitched the whole time instead of fighting like a man.  But, it’s not like you were depending on yours just to hear. Or to speak. Or see.” The worm growls.

“You weren’t exactly blind until becoming a mortal. Didn’t you say you could see with the Green Crown’s eye?”

“That… that wasn’t the same! Didn’t you ever try looking through yours!? The Crowns see only truth, that isn’t the same as seeing. Beauty. Is. Not. True. Natural beauty was once all I cared about bringing into the world, it was what gave my existence meaning, what brought me happiness… For centuries, I haven’t been able to remember what flowers look like. I know their fragrance, their feel, their shape, but their color? I am told camellias are red, red like blood. What is ‘red’, Kallamar? The Green Crown did not give me the emotion of red, not the association of blood and passion, not the striking vibrancy, it merely informed me of the wavelength of photons bouncing off chemical bonds in their pigments and the chemistry and evolution of those biomolecules, and I don’t even have that anymore. ‘Dappled sunlight trickling down from the canopy of Darkwood onto a glittering stream between mossy rocks’, these are only words to me. I can no longer imagine it, as I can’t think in images anymore, only in words and concepts… Every time that I feel cool breeze through my leaflets carrying the perfume of camellias, all I can think of is that I will spend eternity never again knowing their beauty. W-whenever my cat gives me one, I…” Leshy’s lip quivers, he shakes his head.

His head drops into his hands, the worm mumbles, “What’s even the point of living anymore? I want… I deserve death. But this vile, horrid, cruel beast won’t even let me die. They know how I feel, their Crown must show them, they know how torturous this existence is for me! And still they stand there, mocking me, with that horrible sadistic smile. Acting like nothing is wrong.”

Kallamar stares at Leshy, his stitched brow furrowing. “How dare you, Brother? How dare you think that you have the right to hate me, when I already hate myself? H-how dare you think so little of yourself as to deserve pity from someone as worthless as me, when you’re still you? Do you have any idea how much I envy you right now, Leshy? Long before all this, even when you were but a wyrmling barely in control of your Crown, I still envied you. Because, you’re right. I am a coward, and a fucking idiot, not even the Blue Crown could fix that about me, because I’m also so fucking stubborn. I never deserved godhood. But it came so naturally to you, you’re so damn confident, and brave, and fucking cool looking! Everyone loved you for it! Your followers were inspired by you, drawn to you! My cult never even respected me, only feared me… Except for Saleos, he’s somehow worse… I should’ve been proud of you, as your elder bloodbrother, but as worthless and horrid as I am, I felt only jealousy… and loathed myself for it… If you think your greatness was taken from you, I never had any to begin with. If you’d even care.”

Leshy stands up, mouth downturned, the moss on his cheeks caked with wet ichor. 

He punches Kallamar in the face.

The squid clutches the burst stitches across his face, “OW! What the hell, Leshy?”

Leshy sneers, “Ooh, you think you deserve pity for knowing you’re pathetic? Don’t you try to out-do my pain! Don’t you think you’re the only one that hates himself. If even you couldn’t tolerate your bullshit, why didn’t you just fucking man up and die!?”

Kallamar reaches for his bottle. Leshy hits him again. The squid falls back, over the log, and flat onto the ground. 

The worm screams, “You think what the Green Crown did to me ‘looks cool?’, I’m a tree! You can pass as a normal squid. I have to tell people I’m an abomination, because I am. I’m a monster that devoured souls and families, and enjoyed it. And you think that was a good thing? You think they loved me for it? I didn’t even know what love was! Did you really think that I would feel better if I knew you only hate yourself because you weren’t consumed by your Crown, like me? Because you were still a person underneath it?! Do you understand how lucky someone like you is to have Saleos? How little you deserve his forgiveness, his love? After everything he sacrificed to you, willingly? And every day, you spit in his face!”

Kallamar curls up into a ball as Leshy kicks him repeatedly, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, p-please…”

Leshy stops, tears dampening his bandages. “Now… Saleos is going to tend to your wounds, you’ll talk his ears off about this, and he’ll still be on your side… and I’ll go home, and my cat will tell me all about how much he loves that benevolent Lamb for saving him from Darkwood. Fr-... from the s-sacrificial altar... For vanquishing that evil god of chaos…”

Kallamar looks between bloody, shaking fingers, “H-he… still doesn’t know?”

Leshy sits down, wiping ichor from his hands, sniffling. “No. Of course not… I’m a worthless coward.”

The Lamb watches them from the temple window, with a horrible sadistic smile.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=⁂=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

Why I Think Johnny Kills Danny (Before the Game even starts):

Footage by me <3 eating shit when I was a Julie Main (Maria gal now ever since she came out but both of them are SO WEAK Gun PLEASE give Jules a speed boost and Maria's ability do SOMETHING MORE-) but just for a full visual so folks can see what this animation full looks like

First, I wanna go over the fact that Johnny and Danny are foils of each other. I think I'm using the word correctly? Think about Danny's backstory; a scrappy orphan who's good with his hands, specifically mechanics, who presumably grew up on a farm (I personally believe that Jared Gaines is part of Danny's foster family, but that's pure speculation based on them both being Texans with the same last name, so I have no idea), and has gone on to turn his life into something, attending a university and meeting the girl of his dreams. He is a sweetheart, doting, devoted, a real Southern gentleman through and through.

And now Johnny; a scrappy orphan who, if those are oil stains on his gloves and what Ronnie Hobbs (creative director) for the game said in an interview about Johnny being designed to 'look like a guy who helps out at a gas station' (paraphrasing) and the fact that he lives in a god damn scrapyard, is good with his hands, specifically mechanics, who grew up on a farm and has been forced to be something he is not- a brutal killer. Despite fighting against it, he has had no choice but to be a Slaughter and has grown to be especially brutal because of that. He doesn't want it, he has no choice, therefore he will be the best fucking killer there is. He is cruel, cold, has found a way to take pleasure in his craft, but is also incredibly charming, a soft side to him that can be heard through the way he speaks to Hands, Choptop and sometimes Nubbins, even Nancy gets a somewhat distant affection from him in some of his lines.

The two are almost perfect parallels, hell, maybe if Johnny had been able to stay with Judith and have a normal life, he and Danny could have been almost identical.

Now, contrary to what some folks think, I do believe that Johnny is in love with Maria. Not a normal love, not a healthy love, but a love nonetheless, and a love that is entirely his own, the first person he has ever chosen to love on his own, not because they were 'family' and he had to. As I said in my Johnny's Bluffing analysis, he initially plans to seduce and kill Maria just like every other woman he takes a vague interest in, but, because she's in love with Danny, he can't do that, and is instead forced to be around her sweet, kind, loving self and he falls head over heels for her. Who wouldn't? So he kidnaps her, luckily Grandpa takes a shine to her and lets her stay with a 'not dinner' badge, and Johnny finally has her to himself.

There's only one problem; she doesn't love him.

'Pretty Boy' Johnny has never struggled to make people like him or even fall for him. That's the easy part for him, he's used to being sexualised and leans into it. People fall at his feet all the time, so why is it the one woman he actually wants won't? Maria admits in her letters home on the Maria Flores Tribute Account on Instagram that she finds him attractive. But her heart belongs to Danny. No matter how hard he tries, Maria can't fall for him. Everyone in the family knows he loves her, but she doesn't feel the same, not only because she loves someone else, but because he went about it completely wrong. He likely spends a whole week down there trying to get her to want him, every trick in the book, just trying to make her feel for him what he does for her, but it just isn't working.

And then...

The man who he sees as keeping Maria from him literally shows up on his front door step.

We know from the Devs that Danny leaves early to go find Maria. I believe that he is dead before the gang arrive to save her, same as how I think Virginia dies before they get there, and I also think that Maria never finds out that Danny dies at all.

Now, obviously what happens in the trailer isn't the entire 100% truth as to what goes down here, but we have a general gist, and I believe that in Nancy's line of questioning, she gets angry at Danny and that is why she attacks him in a pretty reckless move for someone who seems so calculated and careful.

Not only has this 'floosy' taken her sweet boy's attention away from her, but she already has a boyfriend!? Nancy is insulted on Johnny's behalf, and is confirmed in her suspicions that Maria is no good for him. Because if he must have someone, they better devote themselves to him the way she does. If Johnny has to have someone, they better fucking let him, and not have some boyfriend waiting for them back home to complicate things.

Danny obviously fights Nancy off and runs away to the spare bedroom (where Maria's camera happens to be, I wonder why that is? wink wink nudge nudge I have my thoughts about that if y'all wanna know em), getting out into the scrapyard. He's locked in now, on his own facing Nancy on her land.

Right?

Well... no. Because who lives in that scrapyard?

Either Johnny is already there in his shack, or he'll be back from the Family House soon, and Nancy will tell him who Danny is and that he hurt his mother.

And Johnny isn't going to like that.

Something about his animation for the 'Choke Artist' Execution that I've always found interesting is the level of anger he has whilst doing it. We know that choking is Johnny's favourite method of killing someone, it's what he's known for around Texas in his various murders. So why isn't he enjoying himself? He only seems to enjoy it once he knows that they're dead, but during the choking is a sheer rage that seems totally different to every single one of his other kills.

Well, picture this:

Johnny has spent all this time trying to get the only person he has ever loved to want him. He can't handle rejection, he's never had to before, he doesn't know how to handle any of these feelings, the good, the bad, the rotten, he's a confused and vulnerable mess and he hates it. And then here comes Danny, the man who not only stole his beloved's heart and is holding it out of his reach, but also is everything Johnny could have been, he has everything Johnny could have wanted; freedom, friends, a normal life, the girl of his fucking dreams. And not only has he come here to throw all of that in Johnny's face, but he has attacked his mother and wants to take the only person Johnny has ever loved away from him.

And Johnny just sees Red.

And then, maybe a few days, maybe a whole ass week later, Virginia breaks in, tries to save Maria, and is murdered on the spot. There's no way she survives that house, Maria has the Grandpa Pass and I honestly think Johnny would start slashing if anyone went for her, and we see Uncle Hands pop 'round for a cuppa just as Virginia tries to escape, he is GETTING her ass. Few days after that, the Gang show up and all are killed bar Maria. Whether or not she survives the Family is something we don't know. But she never escapes them. I have my personal headcanon on what I think happens to her, Johnny, Sissy and Nancy once the Gang are dead, but that's for another time. But as it stands, Maria knows Virginia is dead, that all of her friends are dead, that her little sister is dead, but likely never finds out about Danny. Because she'd either have to find his body (and, knowing Johnny and Nancy, he's either in the sunflower patch or Devil's River by now), or Johnny would have to tell her. And he'd rather die than do that.

Idk, just how I personally see things, I wanna reiterate that as with all of my posts and analysies here, it's all my personal interpretation of events and none of this has been confirmed by Gun or anyone associated with them, none of this is canon and please do not mistake it as such, I just adore this game and Maria/Johnny/Sissy as characters and think about them way too much.

Lemme know what y'all think though!! I've building my own personal timeline and 'who kills who and in what order' list, so if folks wanna hear about that or have any questions or anything else from me, please let me know!!

Also I promised I'd tag @alittlebitofeverthang in this so here you go!!

[meimeikyu]

Giving sans AUs kpop solo songs,,, an extremely self indulgent post

this is based on both the tone/lyrics of the song, my interpretation of the lyrics, and the music videos. also just songs i like

also!! a lot of these will be focused on my interpretations of both the song and the characters, as well as specific parts of them

(this will be slightly long and full of links so it goes under the cut)

Cross: Lilac - IU

this song makes me so aggressively happy and sad at the same time and its so hgksghkshgksghs i feel like itd fit him so much,,,, for one lilac being the song name bcs i associate cross heavily with lilacy purple but also just the whole theme of the song being losing a person but it being like a perfect goodbye and etc and. idk i see it in him

"Will you forget me someday?

Will you forget our faces and the scent of today?

While having a good nap

Like a faded mid-spring’s dream"

Blue: Bam Yang Gang - BIBI

okay so this is mostly based on the lyrics, and the concept of blue working with the stars but kinda being lesser than them? since hes 'only' mortal and cant keep up and yet hes expected to and. yeah i love this concept n i love this song so

"As you were leaving you turned around and said to me

"You always want far too much"

No what I’ve always wanted was one thing

Just one thing sweet chestnut red bean jelly"

Dream: INVU - Taeyeon

god so its like a sad song about forbidden love in my mind but like. some of the lyrics hit so hard n i feel like theyd work for dream so well and the mvs so pretty (and also has a bow!) but like. dream and forbidden things work so well together in my mind bcs shes the one trying to keep everything together and yet also be the perfect guardian of positivity and can never be sad or angry and never get tired or stop and. she cant even love someone because shes supposed to be a guardian and thats not part of her job </3 (also trans fem dream canon to me)

"I think I lost my mind

But it's my kind of love

Without leaving anything

Pour everything out and flop

Suddenly at one point

I see myself exhausted

Even though I'm trying my best"

Ink: water color - Whee In

okay one i adore this song two the whole song being art/painting themed!!! literally ink!!!!!! and the theme of a lot of the lyrics being about becoming/embracing yourself (in my mind) i feel like fits him bcs like, hes out of the normal hes weird but hes HIM!! he has an identity he has a life he has friends hes not just that sketch anymore!!! hes a full person :D

"Gonna make it colored

I'll pick my brush

Just dye my everything, yeah, deep in my mind

Then I will follow my heart

Draw the things that only I have

Gonna do it my way

I don't wanna stay here"

Nightmare: Animal Farm - BIBI

(warning for fake blood/gore in the mv, as well as violence and guns)

so i actually had a few ideas for nightmare tbh but idk they didnt feel quite right to be 'the' song i put as nightmare, but oh boy this song did! the whole royalty vibes of the music video plus the apple in the beginning, and just the whole tone of the song and mv felt so right. whats more fitting than the one video thats age restricted lmfao

this is meant to be a more fanon nightmare but not quite the whole 'only doing it for the balance would never do violence otherwise' nightmare but also not 'fully evil an corrupted and the real nightmare is dead' just,, some combination of the two that i like to do nightmare as. definitely bad but not cruel to those close to them, would do violence or manipulation for purposes other than the balance and for her own gain, but doesnt intend to tip the scales all the way and destroy every positive instance. also very much fancy and royal aesthetics :3

"Welcome, well done

Shameless friends of mine

Who's next?

Hang my pretty head in your room

Where is love? Where is my sympathy?

What have we lost?

Is it a farm? Is it society?

Am I a tiger or a gazelle?"

Killer: Heart Attack - Chuu

oh wow the song i drew killer with like a week ago,,, shockinggggg (silly)

tone wise does this song seem like killer? meh debatable but i associate it with him so fucking hard!! one i feel like if we go off popular like fanon-ish killer i think hed like this song <-projecting probably but TWO!!! all the lyrics about like giving his heart an the apple themes in the mv??? consider: its him about nightmare, giving his whole heart sould and purpose to nightmare and how nightmare is obviously tied to apples canon wise, and the mv uses apples to represent freedom or sin (imo) and killer 'eating the apple' or agreeing to work with nightmare for some form of freedom. also non toxic killermare has my heart and soul and this is so killermare to me btw <33333 (also the other girl in the mv is yves and for the sake of this idea she is nightmare in this context <3)

btw have i mentioned how much i fucking LOVE this song bcs i fucking adore this song i love it so much im so insane about it

"Pounding more and more

I’ll give it all, take my heart

Surely you’re my destiny

It shines fully in my heart"

Dust: 28 Reasons - Seulgi

ok lyric wise maybe less fitting than the other songs but like,, the whole mvs theme of 'good and evil exist together in a person' is like. so how i feel about dust how do i word this. what he did is bad or 'evil' killing everyone is objectively bad but in his mind hes freeing them from a worse fate (the constant resets) and doing it for the greater 'good'. it doesnt matter if thats true or not, the fact is he believes it to be,,,, combine with the idea of him sometimes feeling horribly guilty about what hes done versus comforting himself with what he does because its better for him... i feel like both dust and killer have this very skewed view of their past vs present, and where killer barely remembers his past dust VERY MUCH does, and has a massive line in his head of where sans ended and he started. idk if this makes sense to anyone else but alone those lines, picture the chorus as if its him talking to himself,,,, also this songs amazing i love it

"28 reasons that ruined you, you don't have to know

I have no bad intentions

You know all 28 reasons to run away

So, why are you leaning into me again?"

Error: Glitch - Kwon Eunbi

This ones also kinda less directly connected but i couldnt not do the glitchy song for error (i also had minimal other ideas shhh)!! The whole glitchy theme and a lot of the lyrics being based around that is perfect for our glitchy man,,,, also this song is just really good n i love eunbi!!

"I make a touch, t-t-touch the limit After crashing the steep wall again The shaking caught my eyes, wait a minute"

---

so originally this was gonna have more guys but ive run out of proper ideas for it and if i don't post it as is its gonna live in my drafts forevr n i dont want that bcs im actually really happy with what i have so far so end for now!! i may do more another time but yeah!

i do offer this bonus tho!!

Festivalverse: Apple - Gfriend

in general i adore this song but also i just associate it with my au, specifically the gods!! also the apple theme in general fitting with dreamtale, the final bit, and just how gorgeous the whole mv is! its so my au to me :3

silly thing but if ur curious about which member would be who in festivalverse: Sowon - Ink, Umji - Error, Eunha - Geno, Yuju - Reaper, Yerin - Dream, SinB - Nightmare

"There’s no turning back when the night turns restless Let the festival I dared to imagine come alive"