#i cant bear your bullying anymore

[cinnamon-notes]

crying at work bye.

[headcanons-n-shit]

Hello

Your newest post reminded me i had an idea. The bois comforting wol who is having a nervous brakedown from all the stress. Bonus Ardbert.

I really like your stories. Especially the angsty ones.

(TAZ The Breakdown plays in the background)

(Mild shadowbringers spoilers)

Thancred literally (accidentally but still) disassociated so hard from the stress that he gave up his body to the bad guy for a bit. If anyone gets what youre going through, its probably going to be him. Hes not going to waste his time on empty platitudes: hes going to get you a glass of water, a warm blanket, and a hot meal, and let you cry it out on his shoulder for as long as you need to.

(And if that still doesnt help, well. Sex is still on the table. Its rarely a good idea, but hes all out of those.)

Urianger is probably breaking down with you lets be real. Every future my mans has ever read has included world-ending catastrophe, and, sure, youve thwarted it every time (usually with his help) but. What if this time you dont? What if this time you fail???? Its an unreasonable amount of stress for one man to be carrying. He probably does a fantastic amount of fantasy weed to cope and still all it takes is seeing you break down for him to also start blubber-crying.

Graha seems kind of detached and distant at first. "Shower water food" he commands you, in the voice of Lynas grandfather the Crystal Exarch, firm and uncompromising and impossible to disobey, and you might miss the way his voice and smile are strained. The way his hands clench and unclench at his sides. Hes never regretted turning back time to help you save two worlds, but. Its times like this that he wonders if he shouldnt try again to give you a happier ending.

Estinien is a firm hand on your shoulder, a steady shoulder to lean on, because he gets it. The feeling of being trapped in your own body, puppetted by powers so much greater than you can imagine, almost greater than you can comprehend... Youre breaking down for the both of you, honestly, because hes spent so long training the iron discipline to resist nidhoggs influence that he doesnt know how to anymore. This is. Cathartic. For the both of you tbh.

Aymeric wishes in this moment, more than anything, that he could just. Just be with you. Out on your journeys, giving you support by your side instead of from a distance. And he knows, he knows, that the support he gives you is important, that his ability to move nations in your favor has helped far more than any single sword at your side ever would. But he bears the weight of a nation while you bear the weight of a star, and that just. Doesnt seem fair to him.

Haurchefant knows that theres some things that hot chocolate cant fix but. Its a good starting place if nothing else. Something warm and sweet right now couldnt hurt, neither would a soft blanket and a roaring fire. He'll sit with you, bundled up together, and just listen if thats what you need. Or he can talk-- he has plenty of embarrassing stories about Artoirel that he hasnt shared yet. Either way, he'll happily help you wipe your tears away when youre done, and then drop a delicate kiss on your forehead.

Stand tall, he says. A smile better suits a hero.

Sidurgu is surprisingly good at this. Or, maybe not so surprising? Rielle is very mature for her age, but shes still a child. He probably does this whole song and dance every other week. And you feel a little bit like a child, the way he bullies you into the shower and then bundles you up in blankets and pushes food at you, but. Beneath the gruff words and scowl you can tell hes worried. Frustrated. This is exactly the kind of injustice that as a dark knight he swore he would fight, but hes just one man, there isnt much he can do about the desolation of the star. But he also needs you to know that he'll always be in your corner. Whether in this little way or if you need him to help you kill a god, he'll always come when you call.

BONUS

Ardbert has never felt so helpless in his life. He cant touch you, cant be a shoulder you can cry on. He cant even fetch you a glass of water. All he can do is stand there and watch as you break apart in your bed in the Pendants, and its. Its torture, worse than anything any ascian could ever conceive.

Still. He does what he can. And if all he can do is sit at your bedside, his hand hovering half-through yours in a mockery of touch while he tells you stories of his adventures, or friendship and triumph and happier times, well. Its the least he can do.

[lunar-serpentinite]

Harry Potter, son of Hecate... and James and Lily (HP x PJO AU)

so we're in an alternate universe where wixkind are basically a subspecies of human born from the spilled ichor of Hecate during the great giant war

sometimes Hecate goes around to check on her accidental creations by disguising herself as one of them and blending in

that is how she meets our power couple james and lily as one of their yearmates (Hecate was in ravenclaw btw if u even care😔)

hecate sticks around long enough to witness the fast approach of the first war against voldemort and she's like ??? well thats one of the most brutal and inefficient ways to chase for immortality but wtv

so somehow lily figures out that hecate is ,,, well ,,, hecate and asks for help on how theyre going to get out of this one alive

hecate is like mmm i dont usually help mortals but youre one of my faves so ill let you have this one

turns out hecate knew this was gonna happen the entire time bc of a prophecy apollo gave her (not the same one from trelawney, mind you) so the most she cld do to help lily without risking the ire of literally everyone else in the pantheon was ,,, help her give birth to their saviour ???

so harry james potter was born with three biological parents: hecate, james, and lily . to represent hecate's status as a triple goddess ??? and apparently harry will represent the union of three worlds : the godly, the magical, and the mundane/muggle .

hecate was under no obligation to continue keeping an eye on the wizarding world bc her role is done and they can take care of themselves now but she cant help but check in on harry from time to time ??? like thats her kid ??? and her fave mortal's ofc

so when she sees that harry was being treated as less than dirt at the dursley's she was like absolutely not and pulls some strings to get harry the fuck out of there

and thats how harry ends up in camp half-blood

mind you back then there were no cabins for non-major olympians so harry had to bunk w the hermes kids

but thats okay at least hes not being bullied anymore !!!

chiron is aware of the role harry is going to play in the wizarding world in the future but was instructed to not tell harry anything until the time was right

everyone knows harry is a hecate kid since he was claimed by her once he had his first sign of magic (made a bench in the dining pavilion explode)

harry befriends hestia in her kiddo form (yes i know nico was supposed to be the first demigod to talk to her in ages but this was in the 1990s bear with me hestia will still have a few years of lonesome before nico comes) without knowing she was hestia

harry gains the favour of hestia who gifts him a nifty little hand mirror that would take him home when he needs it the most

by the time harry is 11, he already has a decent amount of training and was even able to go to his first quest just a few days after he turned 10 yrs old after he was chosen by the words of the quest's prophecy

so harry enters the wizarding world armed with a sword disguised as a bracelet charm, a whole year's worth of ambrosia and nectar, and a bag of drachmas in case he ever gets homesick

and on his first halloween there, he slays a troll . not with a wand, but with a sword. ron is impressed, hermione is concerned, and the rest of the professors dont know what to do with a kid who was apparently trained in literal swordplay

he's in slytherin btw #slytherinsupremacy

[yandereaffections]

Jamari Blackwood (Ya’s Oc) Masterlist

The human embodiment of hard on the outside chewy on the inside Jamari-

Character description

Werewolf

Halloween celebration

Hunted Down

Coming back from the dead

Scary movies

Haunted House

S/o trying to escape their werewolf mate

Werewolf jamari with a s/o who always gets lost

Succubus S/o

Random HC

Werewolf HC

S/o whose hesitant to live with him due to taking care of their sibling 

S/o whose flustered by his voice

Gentle affectionate S/o

S/o collapsing due to the pressure put on them from their parents

Scared S/o whose constantly trying to escape

Friendly S/o who cant bring themselves to completely abandon their ex

Happy energetic S/os fun behavior suddenly stopping

Pastry Baker S/o

Trans FTM S/o

Taking care of Sick Male s/o

Pregnant S/o

Abused S/o whos afraid to get into another relationship

Darlings clingy and dependent 

S/o has a thing for his piercings 

Darling who bites as a love language

S/o who feels safe in his arms

Darling who likes to knit

Waking up to find S/o missing from bed

Waking up to find S/o having a break down on the floor

Goth darling

Distant S/o cuddles up to him in the middle of the night

Wearing his clothes

Playing with his hair

S/o feels second place to his ex

Cubby and innocent S/o

S/o who has never been in a relationship yet and is nervous

Cubby S/o

Yandere Alphabet: D,E,F

Arriving unbelievably late for Valentines date

Soft Spoken and shy S/o

Yandere Alphabet: H,I,U,W,Y

Deaf Darling

Waking up to find his S/o making a surprise breakfast

S/o who constantly goes to the hospital cause of a chronic illness

Darling with a Eating Disorder TW

Chubby S/o getting bullied but hesitant to tell

Darling who has a hard time expressing feelings

Finding a girl with amnesia in a alleyway

Celebrating your birthday 

S/o coming home drunk not recognizing who he is

How Jamaris low empathy manifests 

Falling asleep on his lap during a movie

S/os his yandere admirer 

Baby whose clingy

Narcoleptic S/o

Putting up a fight even after being kidnapped

S/o who talks, moves and walks in their sleep

S/o w/ a little sister trying to break up with him

Baby who reacts physically to intense emotions

Psychoanalyzing him

Yandere S/o not wanting a actual relationship, just wanting to admire from a distance

Childhood Headcannons

Finding Yandere S/os secret room full of photos of him

Breaking up due to figuring out theyre Aro/Ace

S/os the child of a mafia family

Kidnapped S/o breaking down, thankful that they dont have to stress anymore

Pressured into breaking up w/ Jamari

S/o w/ Temporary leg paralysis

Baby who becomes mute when stressed/scared

Yandere S/o kidnapping Jamari

Big male influencer S/o

Amputee S/o who hates their prosthetic arm

Find out Crush is being domestically abused

Baby loving how their attacker said “Knife, to meet you” before stabbing them

Blind S/o who doesnt want to be in a relationship and stay independent

S/o who died has a twin that looks just like them

S/o w/ PTSD

S/o w/ OCD

Walking in on S/o torturing someone TW

S/o who cant feel pain

Calling him “cuddle monster”

Possessive Headcannons

S/o w/ restless leg syndrome 

Helping darling sell their BL manga

Possessive S/o whos also been cheated on before

Being introduced to his family

Kidnapped S/o crying themselves to sleep every night

S/o sleeps on a giant teddy bear instead of a mattress

Darling liking to feel up his chest

S/o whose great at escape rooms

Darling whos not used to affection

How Jamari got his Scar TW

S/o whos allergic to the cold

Kidnapped S/o thinking hes going to kill them

Dead S/o coming back as a ghost 

S/o flinches due to their childhood 

Finding Yandere Male S/o covered in blood

S/o w/ Rejection sensitive dysphoria 

Traits Jamaris ex had that would set off his paranoia

S/o whos constantly stressed and control freak

Breaking his jaw in a escape attempt

Queer Platonic relationship with aromantic S/o

Autistic S/o worried to talk about their special interest 

S/o that squeezes his chest anytime they can

Begging for him to let you go

S/o got the flu

Fluff HC

S/o Calling jamari to save them from a horrible road trip w/ their mom

Kidnapped S/o attacking him whenever he gets close

What would make Jamaris mom disapprove of you

Clinging to Jamari, refusing to let go after hes been out on a job for awhile

Gamer S/o

Caregiver S/o

Comforting Baby whos having night terrors

Insomniac s/o

His family finding out about his captive s/o

Rejecting him out of fear of being apart of a pattern or being left for someone else

S/o has a coughing tic

Dealing with another flirting with him

Walking in to see s/o holding a knife to their throat TW

Kidnapping S/o whos on their period

Kidnapped s/o starts to dissociate a lot

Kidnapped S/o injuring him everytime he gets close

Jealousy HC

Daughter loves being w/ him

S/o whose a major sweet tooth with a bunch of filled cavities

Kidnapped S/o passing out due to fear the moment they woke up

Getting Jamaris mother to like you

Platonic HC

S/o saying “lol if you ever ask me again i’ll make sure you won’t be able to, tree trunk” when he asks them why their being so cuddly

Decora Kei/Kidcore S/O

Kidnapped S/o almost stabbing him in the chest

Jamari gets kissed by some random person and the S/O sees

S/o needs a video playing in the background to sleep

“I’m sorry, I know it hurts.”

“Sweetheart…what are you doing?”

“Shh, don’t cry. You’re safe with me.”

Touch starved S/o who constantly needs cuddles

How Jamari would pace your relationship together

S/o who has a ton of stuffed animals covering their bed

S/o whos basically the "what's this?" "affection" "disgusting- do it again" meme

Masochistic S/o

QPR with a aromantic S/o who wants to be roommates

Random HC about sweet boi jamari

How he would woo a closed off S/o whos like him

How jamari would react to the silent treatment

Baby whos terrified of storms

Talking his baby to sleep

Taking advantage of The Purge to get his baby

Haunted house

Weredog S/o

S/o got bit by a zombie

Zombie Jamari

Vampire Jamari

Dressing up in couples costumes 

Werewolf Jamari during The Purge

S/o thinking he loves them too much due to past trauma

Bumping into his childhood bestfriend darling

Baby w/ Glasses

Germaphobe S/o

Aro S/o being self conscious of their ‘non typical’ relationship

College student s/o

S/os friend acting as his wingman

Fast food worker S/o

Kidnapped Aro S/o

Artist S/o who constantly doodles him

Kidnapped S/o managing to constantly slip out the apartment

Kidnapped S/o doing what he says out of fear

Hero Prompt

Platonic Shape Shifter prompt

Platonic Hunted down

Kidnapped S/o wants to dress up in matching costumes

Werewolf Heat 

NS FW bits of HC

Jerking it to a picture of you 

Finding Darling dry humping his pillow 

Getting hard while cuddling 

S/o who has only fans/sells panties 

Male S/o teasing him 

NS FW hc

Car Sex 

[seaquestions]

i'm totally enamored with your FHL oc's! would you be willing to elaborate on the relationship chart dynamics btw emil and lucas (esp. emil's "totally oblivious to the fact that he contributed to lucas' destroyed self-esteem")? the implications are so devastating

eeheheee can i just say first of all this super made my day thank youuu im so happy u like my FHL ocs its my darling little pet project 💙💙💙 and yes yes im very willing to elaborate. bear in mind though that this isnt entirely concrete yet, i take kind of a vibes-first approach lol. tbh i like having the tension between emil and lucas stay within the realm of Devastating Implications in-canon but. you caught me. i cant resist talking abt my ocs :3

had to put a readmore cut here cos this got kinda long omg. also tw for mention of bullying & ed.

but yeah so emil and lucas… they had been playing hockey together since they were 10 basically. they’re childhood friends, besties by default, bonded over a shared love of hockey & also for being considered ‘weird’ kids yknow. but they’ve also hurt each other a lot in little ways that never went addressed cos emil is too non-confrontational to make a fuss and lucas is too proud to admit when something’s genuinely fucking with him. but for the most part, they were besties. it’s only when they both started taking hockey more seriously as a possible career option that like, the relationship started to turn sour. lucas used to be a forward actually. he was also subject to a lot of pretty awful comments about his body from his peers (and from adults in his life too lbr). and also, homophobic comments, stuff stemming from his closeness to emil. something that hurt was the fact that emil never stood up for him but, well, even then lucas was willing to overlook that cos its not like he ever really fought back himself. just brushed that shit off, laughed it off, yknow, never let them know that what they say actually hurts you. he didnt wanna like. punch anyone over the stuff they said. especially since he started to Really internalise it. mostly the fat-shaming. its not just shitty teenagers right? its everything. it’s hockey. and the homophobic stuff well… i mean did he have a crush on emil? kinda yeah. just part and parcel of the whole codependent besties thing.

and on emil’s end, he was mostly trying his best to be accepted by his peers (aka, masking 24/7 and going along with the awful shit they said to lucas. cos well, that shit’s normal right? lucas said he can take it anyway, he said it doesnt fuckin bother him so) and stand out with his skill in hockey. he was, notably, better than lucas, who at this point was still a forward. lucas didnt particularly. choose to be a goalie. at least not at first, he loves it now dw. but he loves it now in part because it isolated him a little bit. or at least just kept him in sort of, a separate category, in peoples minds. it kept him away from being compared to emil (even though really they shouldnt have. their skill sets and strengths were quite different. but yknow. they had put themselves together like that). and emil liked that too. he liked not having to compete with lucas over this, which is something lucas took more as emil not wanting to share the ice with him anymore. and it was also another example of lucas bending to external pressure with emil saying nothing against it, encouraging it even. it started to feel like emil didnt give a shit about him anymore—so lucas starts lashing out against him a little. calling him annoying and weird and loud and stupid and shit. the stuff that other ppl call emil that lucas never did. emil took That as lucas finally getting with the program. it hurt but. everybody said it. and he’s been saying the stuff everybody’s been saying about lucas too, and lucas said that shit doesnt bother him so it shouldnt bother emil either cos he has to be strong too and. this HAS to be okay. THIS HAS TO BE NORMAL.

but. yknow. it’s fine. theyre still best friends by default.

their friendship starts to really deteriorate when lucas starts forming unhealthy eating habits. or unhealthy lack of eating habits. frm my experience as a fat guy whos struggled w disordered eating ppl dont tend to notice it unless they see you actively suffer. in fact they might see it as a good thing esp if youre visibly losing weight. i imagine lucas woulda have it worse than i did bcos he also has the pressure of wanting to be a professional athlete and also way shitter peers than me. emil is already not the most perceptive guy and lucas is incredibly reticent so. yeah. kind of a wonder theyre still friends honestly but, yknow, theyve known each other this long. theyve loved each other this long. why wouldnt they still be friends, even after every little thing. this is the one that breaks it. this is the one time where emil not having his back Really fucks with lucas.

lucas’ new goalie coach is the one who lays it all out to him. he’s realising that oh, fuck, fucking fuck, he’s been such a shitty friend and so has emil. thats when he starts his recovery and part of that is also figuring out how to deal with his and emil’s failing friendship. lucas cant bring himself to blame emil at all. like its HIS lack of communication that led to this. he knows emil’s an oblivious guy, he’s always known that about him. so… fix it, right? just, communicate this time and things will be better. but lucas also just doesnt want to see him anymore. like. he just wants his life to change. he’s going to college, in a different city, he’s playing on a college hockey team while emil’s off in major junior league and like, he’s far enough away that he can just ignore emil’s calls most of the time and say he’s busy and get away with it and just let emil think the friendship is fading away organically and not bcos lucas straight up never wants to see him again because it would remind him of a time in his life he never wants to revisit. and meanwhile emil… emil just misses him. emil just misses lucas with all his heart and wonders why why why lucas doesn’t seem to like him as much anymore. i guess that’s just distance but like, EMIL doesn’t feel any less so??? is lucas making friends in college who are cooler, less annoying, better at hockey, better than emil? whatever man… by the time they get drafted by opposing teams, the bff-ship is pretty much dead but. well. emil will still text lucas congrats and happy birthday and sorry ur being sent down and hell yeah ur being sent up and. and lucas just says thanks. so yeah. that’s lucas and emil, at least at the start of the FHL storyline.

and yes….. they ARE using blake and conor respectively to replace their bestie…. :3 but its good for them actually. maybe by learning to be a good friend to this other guy they can eventually learn to be better friends with each other. emil in particular is out here walking on eggshells with conor who freaks out over every little thing and is like. umm. hey did lucas ever feel like how conor is feeling at the shit im saying to him cos. um.

anyway. who’s to say if the reconcile. certainly not me nuh-uh im just the vessel thru which these idiots speak their truth.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!! fun mini project to chip into every time i can catch a little break at work 👍👍👍

[wintersoldierbmb]

the part of my will i feel like writing

december 30 2022

3am

cant even remember the last time i logged into this page

i haven’t wrote down a single one of my problems. i have been using my old ways to cope with the pain i have been enduring  for the last few months - drugs, alcohol, & self-harm

something in me is so hurt now than it ever has been before. every single day is the same cycle of crying, cutting, getting high, drinking until it hurts to even smell the bottle... 

i have never felt so worthless in my entire life. i feel like a dirty rag, wringed and set out to dry.

my friends don’t love me anymore and i always feel alone. i smoke every day just to distract myself from how unappreciated i feel. i get drunk and cry my tears, sobbing silently for hours, to eventually fall asleep to wake up and do the same thing over again. i deserve this suffering, and i know that this is my own fault for trying to fit myself in places where i don’t belong. all i ever wanted to do was be good, but i make mistakes and bad choices that set me back more every time. i bully, neglect, and abuse myself every day in order to remember what problems i have that need to be fixed, but i can never fix them. i feel pitiful for being a grown ass man having to come and humiliate myself on here just to stop from putting myself in danger.

my birthday was the 23rd. i turned 19 (too old to be in this position) and it was the first birthday in years that i didn’t cry(i cried the next day). my feelings have been so hurt since. i miss my mama very much and it’s hard to call her without breaking down. i feel so bad for ruining my parents’ lives. i miss my grandparents very much and i hate that i can never feel the same around them because of what a terrible son i am.

i hate that my mother has to bear the cross that is having me as her child. i pray every day that my life is taken from me so that my family and “friends” can have some relief that i am gone. i don’t matter enough to anyone to where me going missing would bring them some great fortune, but i know for a fact that everyone who has had a part in taking care of me will experience some relief followed by my death. i really have no way to put this without making it sound as selfish as it does, so if it does sound selfish, so be it. all i know to do at the moment is write my truth so i can at least say i talked about it. this is the type of depression that is hard to understand, so i could care less about judgement, or what my depression “sounds like”.

i’m too much of a coward to fully commit suicide. it takes too long to prepare for, it hurts, and it’s scary. not to mention its a one-way pass to hell. that’s why i haven’t killed myself. so instead, i’m going to work my way around it. the drugs and alcohol are keeping me on a slow and steady decline, and one of these days a little will end up being too much and i’ll overdose and die. this is all i want at the moment. when i die, i want everything that i own to be given to my mother directly. i don’t care what happens to my things or my money as long as my family gets it. when i die, tell my best friends Keith and Jackson that i love them very much, and i’m sorry i wasn’t a better friend to them. if you two ever get the chance to read this personally, i just want you both to know you guys meant everything to me the whole time, even if i don’t mean anything to y’all. when i die, tell my siblings to be the opposite of me. don’t be a failure, like your brother is. don’t fall into addiction in any form, and don’t let THINGS control your life or how you feel about it. don’t let STUFF tell you how much you are valued, because stuff means nothing compared to your heart. i love you all very much, all my sisters and both of my brothers. as for the rest of my family, i love you all more than words can say, and i hope you all know that whatever happens to me after tonight was already supposed to happen. if i do anything to myself at all just know i am doing it for the best. i don’t want anyone to feel sad about my passing. please don’t have a funeral procession for me, i just want to be forgotten forever. i know how unrealistic that sounds, but whatever. i don’t know if this is going to be the last thing i ever say to anyone, so i am writing my all down on this post. Lord knows i want to die more than anything right now.

ultimately i just want to die to be in heaven with my Lord. i am very faithful to my relationship with God and i know that i don’t deserve any of the fruits of living freely on earth. i have disappointed God and i make Him angrier at me every day. i have disappointed all of my friends and family, and i’ve made a fool of myself my entire life just trying to be normal. today i accept my problems and i only plan on handling them by any means necessary.

i am not going to end my life tonight, or tomorrow. i don’t know whether i will or i won’t. assuming anyone cares about what happens to me, i don’t want anyone to feel bad or think that my safety is at risk. i am fine. i am only doing what i know to do, and i apologize.

[softshiin]

hiiiiii!!! i hope you’re having an amazing day! i saw that your requests are open so i just wanted to see if i could request this! (totally okay if you don’t like/want to do it, no rush!) could i please request headcanons for draken, mitsuya, and baji with a s/o who is experiencing bullying and how they comfort them about it? i’m so sorry if this makes you uncomfortable at all! and thank you so much for considering (i feel like this is a really odd request sjhdfkl) have a lovely day! xx

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ITS ALRIGHT — tr

##PARING … draken, mitsuya, baji x reader (separately)

⋆·˚ ༘ *  SUMMARY … comforting you when you’re experiencing bullying

##WARNINGS … mentions of bullying, some cursing, mention of people getting beaten up, lil blood in mitsuya’s one

⋆·˚ ༘ * NOTE … hello!! i’m sorry it i took so long to do your request, please enjoy it<33

not proofreaded

DRAKEN

; he noticed since some time that something was happening

; you had kinda lost your energetic personality, and you were always tired when you got back from school

; still, he didn’t get a single word about what was going on

; then you realized that you couldn’t do it anymore, and shared all of your worries with him

; seeing how tired, scared and stressed you were, the first thing that popped into ken’s mind was “ah shit, gotta beat up another trash”

; then he immediately locked you in his arms, telling you that everything was going to be fine

; “shh, it’s okay. cry all you want, you’ll only feel better. don’t worry y/n, i’m here.”

; he just sounded so reassuring

; ++ being in his arms felt like being hugged by a big kind bear <3

MITSUYA

; after almost a month he had noticed that something was going on

; his first thought was that you had some problems with school

; maybe stress for tests, who knows

; but as soon as he saw your lip bleeding, his mind went blank for a second

; “y/n, love, what happened?” he reached you, almost running

; seeing him this worried was the last thing you wanted to happen

; then you just let all out, crying for a whole hour in his comforting arms

; after whispering a lot of sweet words, he started to cuddle you

; played with your hair, cheeks and whatever he founded on your face

; until you fell asleep like a baby

; he then sighed, starting to think about what he could actually do

; from that day, he always came to pick you up after lessons, during breaks and lunch

; you’ll eventually solve the problem together, talking with the teachers and “talking” with the bullies

BAJI

; this dude didn’t notice anything until he actually saw one of the bullies pulling your hair 🙄

; rushed to punch that guy, and started a fight with his other friends

; i’m not too sure this is the right thing to do to settle things up

; in fact they all get suspended

; “hey, ya gotta tell me if there’s a problem y’know? i cant read your mind lovely”

; this was the only thing he said to you after getting out of the headmaster’s office

; the whole situation made you giggle

; “yeah i know. i’m sorry kei”

; he then proceeded to link his arm with your waist, and then started to walk away with you

; took you at his home, just to cuddle and let you play with his cat

; refused to let you go from his arms

; pouted a lot when you had to do tbh

; “mommm cant they just stay here for the night??” he whined

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[crimsonophelia]

hi! could i request for an imagine involving childe and a gn reader? the reader is childe’s longtime childhood friend who’s more or less been in love with him since they were young—and they document the extent of their feelings in a diary (complete with embarrassingly detailed paragraphs planning out theirs and childe’s wedding, gushing over every little thing about him, incidents where they felt petty and jealous over childe showing interest in someone else, etc etc.) that they accidentally end up mailing to childe in liyue thinking it was the book they bought him as a gift.

when they realize the mix-up, they try to make a run for the post office to stop it from being sent to him, but it’s no use—it’s already been shipped out and sent off. how childe ends up responding, doing, or reacting is completely up to you! (i apologize if this request was a little long aha; i hope you have a wonderful day!)

featuring: childe x gn!reader

warnings: none

published: april 22 2021

form: imagine

a/n: thank you for requesting!! this is so cute~~ i love wholesome, bashful childe www

you couldn’t believe it. oh my god, you were such a huge, fucking idiot. how could you have gotten the letters mixed up with the bank documents??? the whole point of keeping your ridiculously embarrassing letters to tartaglia separate from the rest of your documents was just so something like THIS could never happen! 

the eleventh fatui harbinger had requested a few copies of official documents from northland bank to help zhongli with some funeral parlor legal paperwork, and you happily obliged, jumping at the opportunity to be of help to the boy you’ve admired for so long.

but for some reason, you were feeling particularly airheaded today. the night before, you had written yet another “letter” to tartaglia in your diary, much like the countless other sheets of paper clipped together, filled with endless words of yearning that will never be read by their intended recipient. you wrote:

“my dearest ajax,

i hope life as a harbinger is going well. i quite miss when we were back in snezhnaya as children, but i suppose i should thank celestia that fate brought us back together in liyue. i still cant help but to miss you each and every day, though. it feels like its been so long since we last got together and talked. i remember last time we had an actual conversation was at wangshu inn— was it three, no, four months ago? i cant quite recall. you looked so lovely, as usual. your smile never fails to make me laugh, especially with that one crooked tooth. i still love to bully you about that, you know. hopefully we can meet again soon, sincerely. im tired of being just friends, tartaglia. not when you look at me like that, and not when you always love to put your arm around my shoulder and pull me in to you every time we meet. i dont know how you feel about me—sometimes it appears as if you might feel the same, though i can never be sure. but i digress. life is rather lonely without you, and yet i manage to get by, somehow.

always yours,

[y/n]”

you tucked the letter amidst the stack of all the others, confident that they would never see the light of day. but somehow, somehow, your foolish, sleep-deprived brain mixed the letters in between the documents from the bank, and now tartaglia would know everything. all your foolish musings over the years, fawning over his rogueish charm like a child, yearning for your friend with such humiliating naïveté. this cannot happen. you have to get to him before the mail can, somehow. he was currently staying at an inn nearby the funeral parlor—there’s gotta be a way to be quicker than the mail deliverer.

you hurried out of your office and hailed the first rickshaw you see lined up on the street, and ordered him to drive you to the inn, as soon as humanly possible.

upon arrival, you leapt out of the seat, tossing an indiscriminately large fare at the driver before stumbling onto the sidewalk, almost dropping your things. slamming open the door to the inn, you reach the front counter. asking breathlessly, “which room is mr. tartaglia staying in?”, you hurry to the room the doorman indicates to be the fatui’s residence.

but before you get the chance to even look for the room, you turn the corner and slam into a taller body. to your dismay, you look up and see the face of a shocked tartaglia looking down at you, a stack of papers tucked under his arm. shit.

shit shit shit. this cannot be happening right now. maybe he hasn’t read the letters yet? slim chance, though—he’s always been nosy.

“[y/n]...” Childe looked at you with a pained glint in his eyes. he reached out for your arm with his free hand.

ah. so he knew.

you tried to jerk away, feeling your cheeks heat up with embarassment and the pressure that always comes before tears. things are never going to be the same again. all because of my stupidity.

you felt yourself colliding with the wall of tartaglia’s chest again, as he abruptly dropped all he was holding. a pair of arms wrapped themselves assuredly around your waist, so familiar, yet so foreign. not able to hold yourself together for any longer, you let yourself go, crying into tartaglia’s chest, your voice racked with harsh, humiliating, childish sobs.

“why did you hide it from me for so long?” you felt tartaglia whisper into your hair, his breath grazing your scalp. his warmth was so delicious, something youve been craving for so long finally being satiated.

looking up, his usual charming smirk was much more sad, almost guilt-ridden. “i care about you so much [y/n]. you know you can tell me anything, right?”

gasping for air, you felt so ashamed for making such a scene in front of him. “i was so scared, ajax. scared that i would drag you down, or scared you would leave me behind.” you couldn’t bear to meet the pained gaze of the boy yoy so hopelessly fell in love with.

his rough hand smoothed over your hair, comforting you like he used to, back when you two were children in snezhnaya. drawing you effortlessly closer towards him, until you felt his lips plant a chaste kiss upon your forehead.

“you know i love you, [y/n], don’t you? i always have and i always will.”

you clung on to him tighter, fearing what the world might return to if you ever let go. you couldn’t let him slip through your fingers, not again.

“i don’t want you to suffer because of me anymore, my dear.”

a/n: to clarify YES THIS IS A HAPPY ENDING READER AND CHILDE GET TOGETHER i just didnt wanna go any further and do a complete 180 on the tone lolol i hope this is okay!!

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

Hey I want to ask for Levi with a fem s/o were she tries to cook for him but while doing it makes a complet mess out of the kitchen.. s/o cant cook but wanted to try for Levi :( scenario if you have time please 🌼

I'm so excited to post this, originally I would have taken another path but these past few weeks I've been thinking about this story a lot and I wanted to write an interesting take on fluff. Hope you enjoy❤️

Pairing: Levi/ Reader

Warnings: beware! F L U F F, I wouldn't say this features mentions of PTSD, but anyways it could touch a similar topic

Tags: Hurt/ Comfort, all the fluff.

The nightmare before our fifth anniversary

The devastating sight of a kitchen covered in oil, flour and unevenly chopped vegetables would be enough to make every clean freak in the world, inside or outside of the walls scream in agony but it only sent concerned shivers down to Levi's spine.

He could only feel his poor heart sink as his eyes paced around the room in a panicked state. The unpleasant smell of smoke that came from the fireplace only sent hot rushes of blood to his newly throbbing head.

In a haze, he tried to puzzle the pieces together, to figure out what had actually happened. With a quick check around the small space he was assured that all windows were indeed in perfect condition, not a single crack or scratch adorning them. In addition had been locked when he entered, a fact he was amusingly certain of.

Had this been an attack, surely the attacker must have had entered the cabin someway. The lack of blood and physical struggle around the room though, slowly put his mind at ease as he took a step at a time, heading to your shared bedroom.

Glancing around he found traces of tiny vegetable pieces, some flour -or so it seemed- and water. In many places they were mixed together, creating the weirdest mass of sticky residue; such filth was an unusual decoration to his house yet his cleaning obsession instincts refused to mingle with his thoughts just yet.

"(y/n)?" With the calling of your name he heard a saddened tune. He knew, he definitely shouldn't have felt so relieved to the sound, still your situation was unbeknownst to him, but it was a sign that you were certainly still able to make noises.

As his shaking hand reached to push the wooden door of your bedroom open, he tried to shake all horrible thoughts out of his head.

"You're home early."

His eyes widened at the sight of you, feet sprinting on their own to your direction; you sat with your back against the closet door, your hands scrunched in weak fists resting on your cheeks, just underneath your eyes, wiping rivers of tears. Worry splashed on his chest in ice cold swepts as he kneeled down beside you, taking your hand in his in the process.

It was in that moment that he noticed you were covered in flour and unevenly teeny pieces of chopped vegetables. The sight immediately put his otherwise puzzled mind at work and in a second it had clicked to him. Naturally, it all came to fit in the bigger picture, he was proved wrong on his unitial guess on this being a home invasion.

A failed attempt at cooking, that's what it was.

The way that you burried your face in the flat of your palms was as painful for him to witness as it was for you to endure. You were panicking, the sheer terror of his reaction to the mess of the house bullied the insides of your ribs by twisting and turning them, burning them to the point you had to leave pained whimpers escape you.

It was so hard for you to look him in the eye and admit what you had done. Yet, your own embarrassment wouldn't allow you to torture yourself more than what you had already.

"D-don't yell at me, Levi"

"Now, why would I?"

With an exaggerated movement, his hand came to mingle in the space under your jawline. Another sudden wave of hot salty tears threatened to spill out of the corners of your eyes as you melted under the feathery drag of his fingers across the nape of your neck.

His mellow touch was soothing and comforting; forgiving even. It made your whole body fall into serenity as you leaned your head into his palm. Your own hand came to palm under his, your chest letting out a pleased hum as your furrowed brows finally curved upwards in a relieved manner.

"There was a time I knew how to cook. Before all that." you spoke low, voice barely over a whisper as your throat threatened not to hold back the lamp of cries that had gathered at the depths of it. "All I wanted was for us to have a nice anniversary dinner Levi."

You couldn't bear to look him in the eye just yet; your heart hammered inside your chest, anxiously preventing you from ensuring another comforting antic of his to yourself despite your need for it.

You hated yourself for not being able to exceed this simple domestic mission.

"It's fine," he eagerly spoke, his tone mimicking yours "you didn't have to cook on your own. We could just go to a nice restaurant."

"No, Levi! I wanted to make you those duck stuffed eggplants that you like! Why am I so useless that I can't even cook? Seems like all I know is how to put on odm gear and kill Titans while I'm at it."

His other hand came underneath yours. After having finally trapped your hand in between his fists he dragged your mingled hands to your chest, resting them right on top of your heart. Your pulse tightened, your heart threatened to spill in gory manners from the gaps between your ribs, this action was all too familiar to you, all too traumatic for you to momentarily try to endure. It struck you, though, in between coarse breaths and a sudden realisation that plastered wide shock in your eyes that this wasn't a salute. His slow hands wouldn't let go of yours; through your chasted breathing he could feel your whimpering heartbeat, the feeling causing the hair on the back of his neck to rise.

When, at last, your eyes fell into his the silence in the room became overbearing, the familiar buzzing that emitted from such lack of sound was sending your thoughts into a haze as your chest started to pulse with an all familiar warmth.

Surely enough your head wanted to guilt trip you and maybe pester you for not being able to simply mix ingredients together, but your heart ever melting under Levi's affections was invested in its counterattack against your intoxicating brain. When he finally batted his eyes, a little too loudly at it, to prepare your ears to endure the sudden incoming words he was about to utter, you goggled at him desperately. As if you were asking for forgiveness your eyes watered again, a whole new wave of tears shaking you whole.

"Please allow me to drown those tears, we'll prepare a meal together alright? I will show you how." He whispered and crashed his body onto yours respectfully, his chin now sat at the space between your neck and your shoulder. It was a much necessary physical connection that you would never get enough. The warmth that spread from his whole body through every aspect of him that was in contact with you was enough to help you feel anew. Had you previously melted under his touch, now you felt like you were ready for be molded, your existence flickering between the consistencies of melted wax and gooey sand.

In addition to his soothing words, the achingly beautiful gesture that still sat on the left side of your chest burnt holes through your shirt and your skin. His eyes on you were gleaming as if he had ordered the outside world to come to an alt, everything in you screamed for his calloused hands to get a good grip of your heart while he was at it. It should serve him as a well deserved trophy in a solo collection, him the rightful owner of your heart could do as he pleased it so long you could feel him hold you like that.

"Could I take one hand out of our grasp to bring close to me properly?"

Your answer was inaudible, yet he manages to figure it was of positive nature due to the short nod of your head in the name of his neck. He prompted himself a few inches back, despairate not to break much contact with you and reluctantly unleashed his right hand from yours. Before you managed to protest of the prolonged departure of his body on yours though, his hand shot tenderly on your cheek, cupping the soft skin in an urging motion.

The kiss he planted on the apple of your cheek was followed by another on your eyelid, he tired to ignore the ticklish feeling caused by your lashes brushimg against his contact sensitive lips but it was to no avail, a smuh had made it to his mouth before he manages to plant a kiss on your forehead.

"I really love you Levi, I'm glad you're in my life, I say this type of things every single year but-"

Your words were cut short as soon as they had began to form, only as his lips slammed against yours. In a matter of seconds he was moving feverishly, gluttony defining his earth shattering kisses and not even for a second did you hold back in returning the actions with fiery passion.

"I don't speak of this often," out of breath, he pulled back "but I do love you, so very dearly."

Before he could process the endearing look in your eyes, you pulled him in for a kiss once again, lips trembling to meet up with your hearts expectations. If there was a way to show him how you loved him this was it, the soft mingling of each other as you bit and sucked and fought for his lips to never leave yours, pressing his head impossibly close to you.

You knew what your answer should be, a short telltale of the way he made you feel a few moments ago would serve your feelings justice before you could press your aching lips on his once again.

"You could do as you please with my heart and I'd thank you, please don't ever leave me!"

"I won't, I promise. I couldn't be able to push forward without the one who holds my own heart."

Tags: @sasageyowrites @levisbrat25 @alrightberries @nobody-knows-anymore @miss-consulting-timelord am I forgetting anyone?? Pls I'm not good with taglists

[tt205]

UNCONDITIONALLY

LAN XICHEN x READER

Summary: Your somewhat boyish behavior always bothered many , especially now whole of Gusu Lan Clan was pissed with you . Sharing feelings with Lan Xichen is something that brought you quite close this days . Will love be enough to cover up all of your 'flaws' ?

Requested? : YES by rozesdanze and I'm apologizing again for this late upload .

WARNINGS: minor cursing, low self esteem , slight bullying nothing that may trigger you too much .

Words count : 3.440

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You always were a free spirited person , not caring much about what everyone gotta say and just minding your own business while offering a helping hand where it was needed .

It was your nature , something you couldn't change.

Sometimes people told you to be more "feminine " or "act like a girl of your age " your somewhat boyish behavior bothering them .

You didn't mind it at all .

You grew up with only male friends except for Jiang Yanli and that's why you have adopted this 'strange for a girl ' behavior .

Everything was fine until you entered The Gusu Lan Clan Sect's area in the Cloud Recesses.

Your not so much disciplined ways of living bothered Lan Qiren and the rest of the ladies , that were supposed to be studying there and not gossip around .

It firstly started as comments now and then " dress like a girl " " style your hair like a girl " " why are you not wearing your hairpins ?" And such .

You brushed off the first couple of weeks but when the whole student community started making fun of you , you couldn't take it any more .

Your pride was indeed hurt .

If Wei Wuxian wasn't there you would have left this hell of a place and return back in Yumeng Clan, your hometown.

He was supportive as always , reassuring you that everything was fine with you and that you didn't have to change yourself in order to be accepted by others .

Your own self is what makes you unique.

If someone doesn't likes your real self then they dont deserve being with you .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

You passed through the hallways trying to get in class when a group of so-good-for-nothing girls blocked your way .

A short girl two years older than you spoke first with this high pitched voice that make you want to slap her straight in the face "oh y/n I pity you so much .. how will you be able to find a good match in the future with such a poor manner set ? Tsts" she chuckled making your eyes go wide at her rudeness.

"I'm sure I will have more possibilities to find one than you .. I may not have the good manners you are claiming to have yourself but at least i am not rude with people i know nothing about " you answer her back bowing your head and trying to move through them .

"Move !" You ordered one of her side chicks Ling the stupid one .

" Oh my goodness.. this is not a way a lady should talk to another y/n " another one of her bitches talked.

You glared at her trying to push Ling to the side.

" why are you even talking to her Feng ? She cant even walk in a proper way yet not even get dressed up as a lady of her status she is a waste of time .. better let her become a puppet of her stupid friend the Yiling Patriarch-- "

"If you ever curse on Wei Wuxian in front of me I ll make sure to shut your mouth with my fist ! He is not making puppets to your information he is just controlling the Yin iron with skills you wish you could have ! Now move out of my sight !" You tell them totally pissed of .. you grab your sword case trying to put some sense in them but they dont seem to mind

" Stupid bitch no one will ever love you in this way ! Every one will pity your for being an unmarried pathetic bitch! In the end even your own family will abandon you - oh I forgot you've got none! " She curses at you and you feel like something is twisted to your core .

2 thing are what you hate the most 1. having people pitying you or telling you that they do and 2. People talking about your family .

That's it , before giving it a second thought you uncover your cased sword harshly .

You move it to your untied hair grabbing a fistful of them before moving the blade on them.

" 1st of all you are not even in the place to think about my family lowly peasant! Do you think that no one in here knows about your relationship with an already married man? " you ask her and she widens her eyes .

"secondly this is for you ! I'm a woman of my status and none my hair , clothing or manners can prove it otherwise! At least I'm not someone's slut!" You close your eyes before moving the blade in one sift motion and cutting half of your hair's length shortening it to shoulder's length.

"Now fuck off and don't dare to look at my direction again emptyheaded bitch!" You scream at her throwing all the hair on her face before making your way back to your room .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

3 hours have passed since the incident and no one has reached for you yet .

"Good" you thought, because reconsidering your action you've broken more that 6 of Gusu lan clan's rules and show disrespect to your rank status by cutting your hair .

Before realizing it you heard someone knocking on your door "shit" you cursed in your brain , moving to the doorframe and opening the door only to come face to face with the Clan-leader-to-be Lan Xichen.

You bowed your head , forcing a smile on as you rubbed your hands together to sooth your embarrassment, way too shy to look your 'crush' to the eyes .

"Greeetings Zewu Jun " you said moving aside and making room for him to enter .

"Lan Qiren asked me to bring you to him" he said the smile that always hugged his features non apparent anymore.

"Your uncle?" You asked wishing to get a 'no' as an answer..

"Unfortunately yes !" He said looking down the floor .

After putting on your cloaks , you both made your way out of your room and moved to Lan Qiren's residence.

After a really long chat with him you were free to go NOT REALLY .

He asked Xichen to take you himself to the library in order to make 1.500 copies of the latest book he bought this year.

You sighed again in the thought of the pain your arm will have after finishing this task , only to earn one of Xichen's concerned glances .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

As soon as seating down to your used by many times spot , you grabbed the pen and deeped it into the new-cut ink .

5 hours passed since you first started copying books and despite having nothing actually to do xichen seemed rather occupied.

You gave him a questionable look as you leaned your head in your hands looking to his place .

"You knew that this was going to put you in trouble y/n , why doing such a thing just to prove them wrong?" You raised your head upon hearing this words leaving Xichen's mouth , not formality in them , just casual talking.

" they have been getting on my nerves for more than 2 months I couldn't bear it -" you tried to explain yourself but he interrupted you

" You could have just come to me right from the beginning!" He looked pissed and you sifted in you seat shivering from the tone in his voice .

This man surely had some nerve in him, being more than a head taller than you was something that from the very start make it clear that you could better not get in any trouble with him .

Seeing his genuine and kind nature made you loose down your walls , allowing your heart to form feelings for him and now you are here unable to form a single word without stuttering in between.

" Y/n ? Cant you see it ?" He asked and you gave him a confused face in defense .

"What do you mean-?"

" I - i do care about you y/n , watching the others making your life a living hell including my uncle drives me crazy ! I tried so many times to show you how i feel about you just to give you a shelter, a safe place but you are not getting it " he sighed to himself clearly frustrated.

He removed a strand of hair out of his face looking to your not so calm face that was by now painted in a really deep shade of read .

Being the lil tease he secretly is , he wanted to get you even more freaked out by little .

He looked into your eyes with this calm face of his while saying " I love you y/n " and then returning to his desk and grabbing back his pen .

" I love you too " you said loud enough to even have the bunnies hear too outside , the silence inside the room making an echo to your voice .

In quick realization you moved your palm to your mouth clapping it fast and shutting down the curses about your stupidity that were ready to spill out .

" What ?" He asked in a teasing tone lifting his body higher and then sitting up completely moving to your place until he was studying right in front of you hovering some heads above you and then repeating then same question calmly.

This drove you crazy .

" How can a person be so calm in a situation like that ? " you screamed out loud mostly to yourself before reaching in front you and pinching the skin of his lower thigh .

You looked up to his face as he let out a high peached scream of pain "Lan Xichen you are driving me insane!"

You pinched him again with both hands now only to have him beg to be left in peace "Please y/n don't do this ! " he half laughed half screamed for the poor skin of his legs before reaching down and grabbing both your wrists once you didn't stop after his begs.

You squirmed in his grip before he moved both wrists to his lips , kissing the skin there and putting them back down the surface of your desk .

Your mouth was hanging open , such a big skin contact all of sudden leaving you shooked.

" I have done 14 copies of the book you are copying.. I'm taking a break for now but I'm returning back in 15 minutes straight! You continue your work little girl " he said before blinking his eye to you and moving out of the library .

"Excuse me ?! " you screamed as loud as you could looking both to your wrists and his distant form .

"This man is gonna drive me crazy sooner than I thought " you told yourself before returning to your work .

•---------•---------••---------•---------••---------•---------•

It's been 4 days since you started dealing with your punishment and you already have 276 copies ready to go but way more many on the way .

Today is a special day for Gusu lan Clan and it's students so it's the perfect opportunity for you to take a break tonight.

Gusu Lan Clan's biggest has come and you are now getting ready to attention the lantern festival with Wei Wuxian been apart for so many days making you miss him to death .

A sudden knock on the door made you jump on your spot .

Waiting for Wuxian you opened without asking for the person outside.

To your huge surprise there was not Wei Wuxian but Lan Xichen .

" I'm allowed to go in the festival today ! I asked your uncle this morning! You cannot keep me here- " you rushed to say to afraid of loosing your only chance out .

" I'm here to take you out myself so that you can return to the library straight after the ceremony finishes , my uncle has no intention searching for you so he sent me to make sure that there will be no way for you to sneak out " he said calmly giving you a teasing smile .

You looked around searching for Wei Wuxian but there you found him next to Lan Wangji holding a paper lantern together.

You giggled at the view of Wuxian's flashed cheeks when his hand touched Wangji's accidentally.

The moment when all of the lighting lanterns had to fly to the sky arrived so you moved to catch the one in front of you but regretted it at the sight of Xichen doing the same .

You felt shy at your silly mistake don't understanding that the lantern wasn't for you but for him and you bowed in discomfort cursing to yourself for making you look even more stupid to him .. your fucking crush .

" I think this is for the both of us y/n " he told you taking your hands in his making you catch some part of the paper .

" Every one can make a wish as their lantern will make their way up ! I'm sure that each and every wish of yours will be fulfilled in the near future and luck will always saw a good face to you and your loved ones ! This year was one of educational progress, health and wisdom. I hope that all of you will follow the path we Gusu Lan Clan taught you about , a path of righteousness, fairness and virtue. Now I'll count up to 5 so all of you will have to prepare your lanterns! " Lan Qiren announced making you look around for some fire to put in the light .

"One" he started

"Two" the lantern was ready to go so you thought about making a wish

" I wish y/n would give me a chance to prove my sincere feelings for her while living and following the path of the good , avoiding the sinful road and having zero regrets. " the man next to you whispered mostly to himself with closed eyes as he hold onto your lantern tightly.

Your eyes blinked twice the having the man you wish to call yours one day admitting his feelings again .

" I wish I'll become a woman of my status so I can let myself be loved by the man I love without minding if I'll ruin his reputation with my inappropriate image " you whispered to both to him and to yourself, admitting how you really felt with this complicated situation .

You didn't want to change yourself, no not at all, but you just hopped the time could change you into what you could call ideal woman , wife , without feeling much pain in the progress.

It was true , him loving you would ruin his and the Gusu Lan Clan's reputation .

The future Clan Leader having feelings for a punk?

A girl with no manners?

Without a family and depending only on Yumeng Sect and her uncle ?

Sometimes you wished you were different, somewhat like your cousin Yanli but no , in the end you wouldn't be you , you would be someone fake .

You would be someone even more miserable.

You are clearly confused by now .

Shall I change and become what the world around me wants to or be myself and let them talk shit without minding a bit ?

The 1st one is the easy way , but the 2nd one is what will make you struggle but be you at the very last .

"Three " Lan Qiren spoke as you tried to regain your composure and focus .

"Four " all of the disciplines lifted their lanterns up readying them once more .

"Y/n would you like to be the person I call home from now on ?" Xichen asked you .

"I can't-"

" Yes you can ! If there is love in between everything can be worked out !" He cut you

" Is there any love from your side y/n ?" He asked you and you didn't want a second more to know the answer

"Yes there is "

" See ? There is no reason you can't let me love you , call you mine , make you the person I want to return after the storm . I want to be the person you need , you love , I want to be your everything, would you allow me to do that ? "

" Don't you mind I'm who I am ? "

"Five! Let them go and fly high " Lan Qiren called and you did as you were told

"No , I don't . I love you for who you really are y/n not for who I want you to be " Xichen said making you look down the floor to afraid to be loved but at the same time loose who you really love .

"I really like you , no I can say that I love you , everything you do . And all I want is to protect and take you home with me .

Will you come and live in Gusu with me ?

I wanna be with you forever and even though it's really early to say would you like to marry me one day ?

I'm sure that even though you are not my uncle's favorite person out there he will accept the fact that we want to be together.

We can call your uncle to come and set a marriage for us in the years to follow .

I will give you as much time as you feel like taking but I want to make my feelings clear to you from the very beginning.

Would you like to marry me and be the next Gusu Lan Clan's Leader wife ? " he asked always to rushed as his cheeks took a red color painting his pale skin .

"Yes I would love to ! Even if i could marry every man on earth you would be my one and only choice in every lifetime and every dimension I could live , I would choose you again"

You answer him with a little smile in the end as both of you hugged gaining glares from all the people around you .

" Does this mean that we are official?" He asked

"I guess so " you told his hiding you face in his strong torso .

" FELLOW HUMANS IM GETTING MARRIED TO MY BELOVED Y/N I WISH YOU ALL CAN MAKE IT TO OUR MARRIAGE IN THE NEAR FUTURE !" He screamed making you punch him lightly in his lower abdomen as he fake screamed in pain .

" That means that we will be siblings by law y/n?" Wuxian asked while jumping his way to your derection happily

" What do you mean A-Xian?" You asked confused .

" We are getting married too brother !" Lan Wangji said as both yours and Xichen's jaw dropped open .

" Congratulations!" Both of you screamed out loud as you went hugging them .

The four of you hugged while jumping together but then there he came Jiang Cheng.

" That means I'm the only single bird rn? Thanks guys thanks!" He said while glaring at you four .

" No you are not sweetheart!" Nie Huaisang appeared giving Cheng a misiviews smile before hiding his now flashed cheeks behind his fan .

" BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME THAT I'M THAT DESPERATE! I BETTER BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY WEN QING AGAIN RATHER THAN DATING YOU ! " Jiang Cheng screamed in Huiesung's face before storming away in order to search for his short tempered other half Wen Qing .

" There we go again " Wuxian said

" Yes there we go again " you added and the four of you started laughing until tears formed in your eyes and too little oxygen was making it's way into your lungs.

This is the best feeling.

Be with people that you love and love you ,

Without loosing faith in you ,

Without wanting to make you someone else ,

Without wanting to control you

People that love you unconditionally.

————————————————————————————

Please follow & like for more content!

Stay happy & healthy ♡

Be yourself + love yourself.

Hope you enjoyed reading

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

[demonytekav]

Katsuki Fucking Bakugou

Got myself thinking today. Well…every day.

FYI these are my personal thoughts - so take it or leave it I guess I’m not stating this as a fact and your do opinions matter. These are just my thoughts….

So like I’ve seen his home life be taken 2 different ways. A lot of people see the more comical aspect of his mom being aggressive and yelling at him, which to be fair YES it can be fucking hilarious. And I see that too, I find it funny he’s aggressive like her and they fight yada yada.

But I also see the other side of this. The accidentally abusive side. I say accidentally because I do not think his mom is purposely abusing him.

See I grew up in a house with a very dominant and aggressive step dad. He yelled, cussed, and was controlling as all hell over everything. He was always aggravated by me (just breathing was enough let me tell you). And his feelings ALWAYS came first. He CARED (very difficult to see unless you look for it) but has ZERO idea on how to be someone who puts others first. We were always on his timeline. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “sorry”.

The difference here I think is that my step dad beat me down. Didn’t challenge me to do better just out right told me I was shit at whatever I was doing. Or bitched when I didn’t know how to do something. Vs Katsuki’s mom seems like the person who would say “My kid wouldn’t suck at this” and proceed to PUSH her little shit of a son in an aggressive way to do better. And she’d talk him up so much so that he’d get an ego boost about it.

I don’t even want to imagine what it might have been like had he messed up or wasn’t that good at something. I wonder if his mom would give him hell about it unintentionally. And I can almost guarantee the word “sorry” was never uttered to him by her. One thing to note too, is that Katsuki himself is unapologetic about his own behavior and that stems from his own ego/confidence as well as his environment. He grew up in a space where it was natural to yell, cuss, and be violent when getting a point across. For me it was similar but my confidence was never cultivated and instead it was crushed - so I learned to handle others in a softer way but I still come off as stiff.

It’s why I find myself half the time identifying with some things Katsuki does. I have a HORRIBLE time connecting with people and would often rather NOT deal with people especially if they are friendly and nice. Sometimes im inexcusably over confident and arrogant, and have down right asshole-ish behavior on some things. I pick on people I like (friends or romantic interests) in a way to get attention on me for even just a moment. I don’t have the intention of being mean but can come across that way. Or I tend to stay away all together. I get irritated easily over small shit and I have resting “I fucking hate you stop talking” face. Sound familiar?

Getting side tracked. I feel like Katsuki is very similar to me and yet different. I can SEE why he would have been a bully especially to Deku. I can see why he has a complex about being the best and not wanting help. It’s how he grew up, Katsuki doesn’t necessarily understand being the victim, only knows the stance of the abuser and thinks he’s “right”. Where as I have been given the unique perspective of both, I have been forced to understand my step dad as well as be the bully victim (mostly the victim).

Just like Katsuki I CANT STAND asking for help and I HATE people thinking I need it. Abuse does weird things to you and messes with your perception in these things. Help comes across as a weakness or being made fun of. Or as leverage against you. Sometimes you even feel like a burden and that shit just don’t fly.

Katsuki got arrogant as a kid being around those who weren’t as ‘brilliant’ as he was and especially having a home life like he did only fueled that. So it’s understandable that he WOULD see Deku as a cry baby or weak. His perception of strength came from his mothers unintentional abuse and over inflated ego he was given by the adults around him. It doesn’t help that he IS a natural leader. His suspicion of Deku is also pretty on point for this.

I won’t lie here. I didn’t trust ANYBODY growing up. I can imagine Katsuki being very similar, thinking people are wearing masks. Seeing Deku smiling so happily and being constantly nice and helpful would definitely confuse him. Why? Because growing up in an abusive house means at times the abuser is kind to you, sometimes for lengths of time, usually with a goal in mind, before ripping the rug out from under you and they show their true intentions. Katsuki was /is afraid of Dekus selflessness because Katsuki can’t afford to be that way. Cant afford to let his guard down and he probably was afraid of what intentions Deku had. In other words “looking down on him”.

Katsukis anger toward others is another thing I find interesting especially when as a little kid he smiled all the time and walked with his head up high. After the issue with Deku trying to help him as a kid it gave him a very specific (and incorrect) reality check. It also made him even more angry/suspicious of Deku specifically. In high school he wanted NOTHING to do with other people other than for them to worship him and his skills (in a way). He was entering a school where he would have to compete to show he was the best, it was a new experience for him as he has ALWAYS just been the best being as they grew up around all the same kids and nothing ever changed.

But people want to get close to him. It’s a distraction and waste of time, it makes me wonder if this is partly because he knows when school ends they won’t be together anymore. Maybe his separation from Deku as kids (their friendship I mean) actually impacted him in such a strong way even if he was the one to end it. It hurts to no longer have that friendship that was built- he probably saw Deku as a lifelong companion up to a point as a kid- when they discovered he didn’t have a quirk Katsuki probably had another boost to his ego about being better than Deku and at the same time knowing they were not longer on the same path. After the log incident and they were no longer friends in his mind (due to his insecurities and thinking he was being played?) it probably hurt him a lot internally but he didn’t realize it. And maybe later during high school he looked at Deku as actually betraying him, again probably thinks people are nice to get something out of it (thinks he’s being made fun of or looked down on like my point from earlier) and to learn that Deku hid his quirk only solidified that Deku might have been playing him all along (until he learns the truth), and doesn’t want to feel like that again? So he pushes people away? Regardless he is rude and mean to everyone but over time he gets closer to people.

Another thing to note, I think the more un-confident he is the more aggressive he is in regards to some things, so I feel like the way he snaps at his friends is a good tell that he’s not comfortable being close to others. Especially with how he refuses to acknowledge the word “friends”. (Small thought but is he afraid to use the word friend because of losing Deku as friend in the past and the pain/hurt that caused when he thought he was being looked down on and they went their separate ways? Like I said, he may have thought Deku would be his companion running along behind him all his life at that point and then they realized he didn’t have a quirk AND Deku tries to help him and etc that happened so is he afraid to get close to someone again - be ‘played’ - and worried he will just get hurt?????)

I get like this too. My initial response to unknown or uncomfortable situations is to be on guard and prickly. Katsuki when embarrassed would be explosive because that’s much easier to understand. When there are things I don’t understand I get mad or irritated immediately. It’s easier than crying or smiling. Don’t even fucking get me started on hugs because I love them but I HATE them because they make me too emotional and I cry and then I get pissed. Katsuki probably gets weird about physical affection because to him the only affection he’s known is the angry kind. He probably doesn’t understand fundamentally what being in a normal and close friendship is and thinks his way has been right this whole time and everyone else is wrong. Which is why he act like a rabid bear when confronted by affection to him it makes NO sense.

I saw people be ANGRY over him goading Deku in the latest chapters. Calling out his behavior as regressing back to his old ways and how it’s proof he’s not changing.

Personally, I don’t see that. Just from my own self indulgent take on Katsuki here is what I think is happening.

Katsuki is angry. He finally UNDERSTANDS everything and realizes Deku was NOT trying to hurt him and has been genuine this entire time. He understands his behavior/treatment of Deku was misguided and WRONG.

But he’s ANGRY that after everything HE isn’t being trusted (Deku has always had blind faith in him before now). HE is being looked at as weak, we know he’s not but imagine it from someone who is just out of the hospital and had just risked his life and is basically being BENCHED with Deku being in the same state he is in. He probably feels like he’s being viewed as weak. HES worried about Deku 1st and foremost because he knows it’s going to end badly, maybe with loss of life and he can’t STAND to be benched when he could be helping his friend. Yes friend.

Katsuki took it upon himself to atone for what he did and right now his charge has left him behind. His FRIEND left him behind and is doing DANGEROUS things and tying in what I mentioned above. The fact that he didn’t outright attack Deku when their eyes met says it all for me. Katsuki is FURIOUS. But he’s not the little kid who would have tried to beat Deku up because of his anger.

So, he smack talks. He goads Deku. I mean FUCK, I’d bitch out my friends too and antagonize them (it would come off as me making fun) but Katsuki KNOWS it would get to Deku. Knows it would press buttons and he does it BECAUSE he knows Deku isn’t going down without a fight. And also, HES MAD and he’s probably HURT at the least he’s offended.

He is allowed to be MAD at his friends. How many times have you sat and complained or royally bitched out a friend in your head because of something dumb as hell they did? I’ve done it so much.

Thing is, I’m not saying he is doing the RIGHT thing. No no. I’m just stating a fact as to what he is DOING. But he’s not doing what he WOULD have done in the past which would have been to immediately and literally fuck Deku up and yell at him and BRING HIM DOWN verbally and mentally for the sake of BRINGING HIM DOWN.

No he’s mouthing off to show he’s mad plain and simple. He’s wanting Dekus attention on him and Dekus acknowledgement of his mistakes/Katsukis anger.

(Side story, in freshman year of high school a friend of mine made some DUMB as fuck choices. I found out about it between classes from another person. I literally RAGED out loud in the hall way, got some interesting looks, and STOMPED MY FURIOUS ASS 3 floors down to cuss and spit at her like a demon child for it in front of everyone because of how dumb she was. I then spent the next several periods of class steaming and fuming before walking *stomping* her ass home and bitching at her the whole way. Yes we talked about it. But the point still stands that I get why Katsuki rages because I fucking do it too especially the more I care….I’m a lot older now and I don’t yell anymore nor do I let my anger control me)

Katsuki in my opinion is growing, slowly, but he’s growing. This is different than the past. In fact he came with the class as a whole. That itself says everything because he’s always about doing things on his own. It also makes sense that he isn’t dramatically different…..I think that would be almost to disingenuous to his character and wouldn’t show the growth or show he EARNED anything. It would come off as almost….fake. If he acted any differently. I think the only other way I would accept him behaving is for him to be completely SILENT until the right moment and say very specific things. But again, that might also be too far out of his current character.

Katsuki is a tough one. The only reason I feel connected to him is because I can equate my own circumstances and feelings to his due to the similarities of his upbringing. I feel like we are the same coin but each a different side.

I guess I’m saying it’s understandable why he’s such an aggressive ass and why he was a bully and is still being a mouthy shit. He didn’t grow up in a fluffy loving household. So it makes sense for him to be this harsh.

Another thing to note: 1st. He’s a fucking kid. And kids sometimes can not distinguish between right and wrong. 2nd. He IS showing maturity in his actions and growing but again, it’s slow LIKE IT SHOULD BE. He’s learning. In fact, it’ll probably take him years to learn certain things and I bet some stuff he won’t really get the hang of. I know I fucking didn’t. I still come off as an ass. And I’m emotionally constipated. I still can’t fathom certain social interactions and I can’t not be suspicious of peoples kindness. I can’t be outgoing and show affection (like seriously don’t cry near me because I don’t know what the fuck to do with you). I’ve learned how to handle people better and treat others better but unfortunately when you have lived with an abusive parent there’s no telling how exactly you will come out of it or how long it will take you to UNLEARN that garbage and input the correct things.

And it’s going to take him some years to make some corrections. I don’t think he will ever be a fluffy touchy feely guy. And I bet he will still snap and snarl at times. But I can see the way he is being written and it’s showing growth. Subtle as it is. But it’s there.

I’m just saying that if my perspective has any truth to it for this character, then cut the kid some slack. Not too much because hey he still needs to grow and we don’t want to see him regress.

Idk…what do you think? I’m always curious about others perspectives because everyone is so different yet similar. Even in writing I can easily channel Katsuki (to an point) but Izuku or some of the other more friendly characters are VERY difficult for me.

[novannna]

You Were the Hands That Held Me

Danissa soulmate au.  everyone has a soul mate, and any marking that appears on their skin, appears on yours.  narcissa’s pov.  Kinda angsty, but also fluffy.  

tw: self harm, and mentions of abuse kinda

wc: 2363

Narcissa stared at her arm in awe.  This was the first time her soulmate had ever drawn something on her skin.  She had felt the same cuts and bruises her soulmate had received, just like everyone else, but this was the first time her soulmate had deliberately marked her own skin.

Messy butterflies with uneven wings, and twisted antennas marched down Narcissa’s forearm.  

“Oh,” she whispered.  “Cool.”  She grabbed the nearest marked, and held it poised above the other arm, ready to reply, but thought better of it.  

She shouldn’t force her soulmate to stop their art for Narcissa.  She dropped the marker, and kept watching the thick lines as they covered her entire arm.  

That night she washed it all away in scalding hot water before her grandfather noticed.  He wouldn’t approve of Narcissa communicating with her soulmate.  

He hated the idea of How there was one person in the world, waiting just for you.  

His soulmate had died years ago, leaving him heartbroken and angry, bitter to the world.   

If Narcissa wasn’t careful, he might take the anger out on her.    

Narcissa could take it, but she didn’t want to hurt her soulmate too.  Narcissa would feel awful.  

So she tried to ignore the small flowers and butterflies her soulmate drew constantly.  Narcissa tried her very best.  

---

Years later, Narcissa wrote to her soulmate for the first time.  It was in the middle of the night, when Narcissa had felt a searing pain across her arm that looked like a red slit across her pale skin.  

Her soulmate was in trouble.  She couldn’t just stand by now. Narcissa had to do something.  

Grabbing a tissue to staunch the bleeding, Narcissa scrawled across her hand in thick ink. 

STOP

I can’t , her soulmate replied. 

Please, just hear me out, Narcissa wrote, hoping she could do enough.  Hoping she could convince the person who had drawn butterflies everywhere on their body, that maybe the world really did want them. 

please, just stay out of this

I can’t. This is my body too.  And even though I’ve never met you, you're my soulmate and I care about you. 

Fine. I’ll listen. Her soulmate's handwriting was a little shaky, but very neat, with tall, loopy letters.  

I’m guessing you’ve been having a hard time with life recently, Narcissa started. 

I guess

Do you want to be here?  Narcissa asked bluntly

There was a long pause.  I don’t know, her soulmate finally responded.  I love Earth, but the people…. I can’t stand the people. All they do is bring hate and hurt to me

I get that.  But the people don’t matter. You do.  Danna wrote desperately. 

No I don’t. I’ve never done a single good thing in my life

You have!  You’ve made me smile!  You’ve made me laugh!  

Her soulmate replied, When?  This is the first time I’ve ever talked to you

When we were younger, you used to constantly doodle little flowers and butterflies all across our bodies. I loved to watch you draw them, watch the blocky little lines appear across my body.   Danna smiled as she recalled the delicate insects she wore across her body daily. 

I thought you hated those. That’s why I stopped

No, of course not!

Then why did you erase them?

Narcissa sighed. She thought for a second, then wrote, my grandfather. He hates soulmates. If he knew I was communicating with mine, I’m afraid he would hurt me.  And doing that would hurt you. 

But… that means you could get in trouble right now!

No. I won’t, I’m fine. You are more important.  Tell me, what made you want to hurt yourself today?

I guess I’m just tired of being ignored. I’m tired of being treated like a child. I want to leave my house, but I can’t. I can’t live on my own. 

Thats okay, you shouldn’t be ignored.  You should be your own person, and if your parents cant see that, they’re idiots!!

Narcissa capped the pen, and tried to wrap her blanket around her arm, the blood slowly soaked through the fabric, staining the blanket a bright red.  How would she explain that to her grandfather?  It didn’t matter right now though.  Right now, she had to make sure her soulmate was okay.  That was her one and only goal.  Nothing else mattered.  Narcissa had the opportunity to maybe save a life right now.  That’s what she had to do.  

They aren’t.  I’m the one who’s screwing up, her soulmate replied.  I cant ever get anything right.  Im just a big mistake that shouldn't even exist.  The worlds probably better without me

THATS NOT FUCKING TRUE!  Narcissa scrawled as quickly as she could.  I dont believe it.  Not for a second.  Just by being here, you’ve made the world a better place.  Everyday, I wake up and check my body for some indicator that you’re here.  I can’t help but think about the fact that there is someone out there meant for me.  And I’m meant for someone.  

I guess…

Narcissa sighed heavily.  She had to go to bed before her grandfather woke and saw her light on.  

Are you okay?  She wrote.  Are you in any danger?  If you are, im here.  For both of us

A minute passed before the reply came.  I dont think so.  I think im better.  But… if i feel bad again, can i talk to u?  This actually really helped me.  Thank you

Narcissa smiled.  Of course!!!  Just, could u write somewhere less obvious?

Sure.  I understand.

Narcissa smiled gratefully.  How ‘bout our ankles?  That’s less obvious and easy for me to hide

She felt pressure on her right foot, and slid it out from beneath her blanket.  A smile, and little butterfly doodle greeted her eyes.  

Good night, soulmate, Narcissa wrote

Good night.  Sleep tight.  And… thank you.

Narcissa smiled.  She slid out of bed, and held her arm close to her chest while creeping to the bathroom.  Once inside, she scrubbed all of the ink off her skin, and bandaged the red slit shut.  

Narcissa and her soulmate were okay.  That was all that mattered.  Everything was alright.  At least for now.  But now was the only thing Narcissa could bear to think about.  

---

After that one night, Narcissa’s soulmate never hurt themselves like that again.  But that didn’t mean they weren’t hurting.   Narcissa could tell they were hurting themselves in other ways.  

She tried to help.  She wrote reminders every few hours, telling her soulmate to eat, and drink water.  She wrote encouraging messages, and doodled across their skin.  

But still, Narcissa would feel her stomach growl with hunger, and her tongue beg for more water.  She felt her eyes grow heavy even though she had slept almost 10 hours the night before.  Her soulmate just didn’t care, and there was nothing Narcissa could do. 

They would talk to each other constantly, ranting about their day, or commenting about something they saw.  Narcissa grew much closer to the person she had never even seen the face of. Closer to them then anyone else she had ever known.  

Even her grandfather. 

Narcissa had a very strained relationship with her grandfather.  She knew deep down he loved her, but he had a hard time showing it.  He was caught in a life of crime, and there was no way out.  

He had been an arms dealer for years, selling guns and other weapons on the black market.  He made a lot of money, but not a lot of friends.  He was a bitter old man, who took all of his anger out on Narcissa.  He had never hit her, but his words were hard enough. 

Narcissa knew she was being abused, and belittled, and manipulated, but she always ended up excusing his actions. Or even worse, sometimes she would place the blame on herself.  She knew she was in a bad situation, but it was one she was stuck in. 

Narcissa talked about him lots with her soulmate.  It turned out, they had a similar situation with their parents.  

Mistreated, abused, bullied, shamed. 

The two escaped into their skin, engrossed with each other.  They held each other right through the pain and the tears.  Though at times, both of them desperately wanted to, they held strong and never hurried themselves for fear of hurting the other. 

---

One day, the straw finally snapped for Narcissa. She was 17 now, and old enough to live her own life. Old enough to understand what her grandfather gave her wasn’t love, it was trauma.  

After he yelled at her for an hour straight because she put a book in the wrong bookshelf, Narcissa decided she had taken enough. 

Can we go?  She desperately scrawled across her ankle. Can we escape these sorry excuses for lives?

Her soulmate wrote back a few minutes later. What do you mean?

We’re old enough to live on our own. Why are we forcing ourselves to live with these people who treat us so terribly. Why don’t we just run away together?

Ok. The reply shocked Narcissa. She had been expecting them to try and convince her otherwise, make her see the absurdity. Not agree.  But Narcissa was glad they agreed. They both deserved a chance to start over. To make a life for themselves, and do it right. 

You will?

With you?  Of course I will silly. I’ve been waiting years for me to ask

When?   When can we leave?

Whenever your ready

A week, Narcissa declared, I’ll meet you in a week at Gatlon City, at the train station

Ok.   I’ll be there, I promise, her soulmate wrote. 

Me too. Narcissa grinned. She was finally escaping. Finally starting fresh. Finally leaving her grandfather to be with someone who truly cared.  Narcissa couldn’t wait.

---

Narcissa creaked the door open, cringing as the hinges squealed loudly. 

“Just where do you think you’re going?”  Her grandfather slurred from the couch. 

Shitshitshitshit, Narcissa though. She was caught.  She was never going to escape her life.

“I told you earlier this week I’m going to a friends house tonight,” Narcissa said lightly, trying to mask her terror. 

“Stop lying!”  He screamed.  “I know that’s not true, you don’t have any friends.”

Narcissa cringed.  

She breathed in deeply.  She was already leaving forever, there was no point in lying anymore.  

“Fine  I’m leaving.  For good.”  She braced herself for the rage. 

Instead, he laughed.  “You?  You're leaving?”  He scoffed.  “You would never.  You’re too scared and dependent on me.”

Narcissa drew herself up.  “No.  You’re wrong.  I’m leaving, to find my soulmate.  We’re making our own life.  Together.”

He gaped at her.  “You can’t!  You can’t go to your soulmate,” he spat.  “You’ll live a terrible life.  You’ll be tied down forever.”

Narcissa shook her head.  “No.  I won’t.  I’ll live the best life I can.  Because I’ll be happy.  I won’t live in fear anymore.  I’m sorry you weren’t meant for your soulmate, but it’s different for me.  I know them.  We are meant for each other.  I wouldn’t expect you to understand.  All you know is hate.”

“So you’re really going?”  Her grandfather’s lip curled up.  

Narrcissa nodded.  “I am.  I’m making my own life, as far away from here as possible.”

“Then go!”  He snarled.  “I don’t want you in my house if you won’t see a reason.  Go.”  He picked a book sitting next to him, and hurled it at Narcissa’s head.  

She ducked, her hair ruffling by the wind.  

She turned to him, tears in her eyes.  “Goodbye grandfather.  I’m sorry.”  She threw open the door, and fled into the night.

---

Narcissa’s heart thudded in her ears.  This was it.  This was the day she was going to meet her soulmate.  She knew she should be realistic, but Narcissa couldn’t help imagining the meeting like something out of the sappy romance novels she liked to read.  

She expected the dreary clouds to disappear, and the sun to shine out on top of them.  

She expected to know exactly who was her other half

She expected to run up, into their arms, and kiss them like she had wanted to be kissed her entire life.  

But Narcissa knew how unlikely it was.  But, a girl could hope, couldn’t she?  

She inhaled deeply.  Uncapping the pen with her teeth, she scrawled on her palm, I’m here  

Me too, her soulmate wrote back.  The familiar loopy red marks eased Narcissa.  She knew this person.  This was her soulmate.  Everything was going to be okay.  It would all be okay.  

Her eyes locked onto a girl standing near a bench, her head bent over her hand, a pen tucked behind her ear.  

Somehow, Narcissa knew.  She knew this was the person she had been searching for her whole life.  She knew that the girl was her soulmate.  

Summoning every miniscule scrap of courage Narcissa could find, she approached the girl.  

She tapped her shoulder.  “Hi,” Narcissa breathed, heart pounding.  “I’m Narcissa.  I think I’m your-”

She was interrupted by the girl throwing her arms around her tightly.  

“I’ve waited so long to meet you,” Narcissa’s soulmate said roughly, her voice thick with tears.  “I’m Danna.”  

Narcissa laughed.  She realized she was crying.  “Me too.”

“I feel like I already know everything about you,” Danna laughed.  She swiped her eyes.  

Narcissa nodded.  “I know we’re soulmates, but I want you to know I understand if you don’t want me,” she said.  “I get it- not all soulmates are really soulmates.”

She was cut off by Danna pressing her lips to hers.  “I want you,” Danna breathed.  “You're the one who I’ve trusted with every secret I’ve ever held.  You’re the one who helped me when no one else could.  You’re the one who took care of me.”  Danna held their hands up, exposing the thick identical scars that spread across their wrists.  “You are the only other person in the world who understood, and actually helped me.  You were the hands that held me.”  Danna reached her hand to Narcissa’s face, wiping away her tears.  “I want you, and no one else.”

“Me too,” Narcissa whispered.  “Me too.”

Tag list: @novissa @thepurpledragon4444  @phobidawg @janisarkisian  @rvbell @lavenderbloo @redassassin  (let me know if you want to be added/taken off!!!)

[bigcryingcat]

Hello everyone I’m back to say FUCK jeffree star once again. 

if you genuinely support black people/BLM then don’t buy his products or support him in any way anymore he is legit fooling the lot of you

idgaf if something he said happened two days ago or ten years ago point is he is still utilizing his racist ways/IS A RACIST and he should have never had his career take off in the first place.

He did a bunch of gross racist Nazi things in the past that have already been dug up so i’m only really focusing on recent years. 

Where are the black women in his collab videos? literally where is a guru darker than Kim K in his videos for like 3 years now?

the fact that he referred to jackie aina as a gorilla and a rat should have ended his career right then and there & this why i cant stress enough that if you STILL like and support him then you really don’t care about black people (especially black women) at all

ideally this should extend to shane dawson as well since he is/was friends with people who have used racist language numerous times/utilized racist behavior and benefited from it(Jeffree, Trisha). 

Liam’s videos - these are not all concrete points of evidence, more of a deep dive into Jeffree’s presence on the internet and oh geez

1) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6A133sMx7g&t=104s

2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-t8fkXFs7m8&t=1974s

Ashlye Kyle’s video about her being influenced by Jeffree during the attempted take down of James Charles. she also implies(but does not state as fact) that Tati’s Bye Sister video was not on the spot & that both Shane and Jeffree were in on this months before James promoted sugar bear on Instagram after Coachella.

* Ashlye also apologized to James in the comments

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNMhF2OYcIU&t=915s

him calling jackie a rat & gorilla, use of the N word, etc

additionally this is him apologizing for his racist behavior in 2016... but the next year he was back to referring to black women as animals and has not had women of color in his videos in probably years. 

LASTLY!!!! HE PLANNED AND EXECUTED A CONSPIRACY TO DESTROY SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE. MANIPULATED AT LEAST 3 OTHER PEOPLE(Tati, Ashlye, and Sam, the waiter) INTO DOING DIRTY WORK FOR HIM AND RAISED SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS AGAINST JAMES CHARLES who btw at the end of his receipts video said the entire ordeal put him in a bad depression. wouldn’t you be if two of your close friends attacked you and called you a predator in front of millions?

Stand with BLM & the LGBT community not Jeffree. I don’t like cancel culture but too many “”””allies””” are quick to forgive him for any and everything, and for what? all he does is bully people on twitter, continue to be racist, threaten blackmail to get his way, and cause drama all day long. yet he’s somehow the victim? how???

[shadedrose01]

Tony the Teddy

Ship: None. Platonic (parental/paternal) relationship between Peter Parker and Tony Stark

Summary: Peter loses his teddy bear, and gains something more.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 10, Teddy Bears, Peter Has a Teddy Bear, His name is Tony, But Tony and Tony Stark are not the same thing/person, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Aunt May is a good aunt whos just trying her best, Mentions of uncle ben - Freeform, Light Angst, Peter is a sad boy for a bit in this, But Tony Stark makes it better, Fluff, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Tony Stark is a Good Dad, Tony Stark Has A Heart

Day ten of Febufluff: "Teddy Bear"! (From the platonic list)

--

There was one constant in Peter's life growing up. When everything around him was swirled into chaos at the age of 7, when his parents got onto a plane and never came home, his uncle ben knelt down in front of him, told him the heartbreaking news, and gave him something.

A stuffie. A plush teddy bear with soft fabric in the shape of Iron Man's armour, apparently a gift his mother had planned to give him for his birthday but never got the chance to. Ben had given it to him, and had reassured him that he was so strong, as strong as a real life superhero, as strong as Iron Man, and that they'd get through this, the pain, the grief, the loss, together.

And Peter had held onto it tight, tears in his eyes and running down his cheeks, and had promised to his parents, to his uncle Ben and his Aunt May, and to himself that he would never let it go, no matter what. Later that month, Peter would be sat in front of the tv, eyes glued to the screen and holding the teddy close as Tony Stark announced that he was Iron Man. From that point on, the bear was named Tony.

Tony stayed by his side throughout his roller coaster of a life. Dragged behind him during the few childhood years he had left, as a shoulder to cry on whenever the bullies got too much and a buddy to talk to while he had no friends. Then, when he found Ned and grew out of the age where bringing around a Teddy bear was acceptable, Tony stayed home, but he was always on Peter's bed, always there, a constant presence and reminder of warmth, comfort and love, of security and safety, and home.

Then Ben died, right in front of his eyes, in his arms, and Peter's life was flipped upside down again, but still, Tony was there. He remembers coming home from the hospital, still coated in dried up blood, his uncles blood, blood that was split because of him, it was all because of him, all his fault-, and grabbing the bear as soon as he hits his bed, burying his face into it and sobbing loudly, his river of tears soaking into the matted fur. But he had remembered his uncle's words, "With great power comes great responsibility", had remembered that he was strong, that he had to be strong for his aunt and had pulled himself together, and had pushed forward, even as he longed to give up.

Everything after that was a blur, becoming Spider-Man on a whim, meeting the real Tony Stark, fighting in Germany, the 'internship', the vulture, homecoming, the real internship. It all happened so fast, and yet, there Tony was, still sat on his bed like all those years ago, looking worn and torn from good use, but still there, still kicking, still around.

But now, Peter couldnt find him. He couldnt find him, and he was freaking out.

Peter was searching his room, practically tearing it apart trying to find the precious stuffie. Where could he be? He was on the bed this morning, Peter knows, he remembers him being in his normal spot before he left for school, but now hes not there, hes not anywhere, and he knows Happy is going to be there soon, and he cant find Tony-

"Peter? Are you ready?" His aunt calls out from the living room, and Peter shakes his head violently, anxiously, still checking under his bed and around his drawers for any sign of the Iron Man plushie.

"I can't find Tony." He calls back, his actions getting more frantic as he searches places hes already checked again and again, his chest tighten and stomach dropping more and more as time goes on. He needs to find him, he has to-

"Tony?" Aunt May sounds amused but her show show her concern as he rounds the corner to his room, not even flinching at the scattered mess of it. "Isn't he who you're going to see?"

Peter groans, stopping momentarily to run his hands through his hair. "No! I mean, yes, but not the same one!" At his aunt's puzzled look, Peter expands on his explanation. "You know, the teddy bear? Iron man costume, kinda- kinda frizzy looking?"

His aunt's eyes brighten with recognition, but also with confusion, and a hint of guilt. "Ohhh, that guy? I thought you weren't into stuffies anymore, so I gave him away."

Peter chokes on his spit, his heart breaking, eyes widening. "You- you did?! May! Uncle Ben gave him to me, and he was from my parents!" His voice is high pitched, shaky and loud as tears burning his eyes, feeling ripples of loss rushing through his body. It feels like losing his parents, losing Ben all over again.

Aunt May makes a noise of sympathy and her face scrunches up with guilt, a downward tilt to her lips. She reaches forward and places a hand onto his cheek, rubbing her thumb back and forth soothingly. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry, I thought it would be fine, I didn't think it would hurt you-"

"It-its okay." He sniffles, blinking back his tears and forcing a smile on to his face as he stands, swallowing back the lump in his through. "You're right, I should be over it by now."

His aunt's face scrunches even more, her face turning even more gut wrenchingly guilty. "No, baby, that's not-"

Peter feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, and, knowing it was from Happy, takes his escape as soon as physically possible. "I think Happy's here, I gotta go." He hears Aunt May call after him as he pushes past her and out the door, getting into the awaiting convertible quickly.

He isn't mad at his aunt, or blame her for getting rid of the teddy, she didnt know any better. She didnt know how important he was to Peter, but it still hurts, even though Peter knows it shouldn't. Its just a teddy bear, but he still finds himself wiping away stubborn tears the entire drive to the compound, feeling one small inconvenience away from sobbing his heart out.

He says a small thank you to Happy once they finally arrive, not noticing the man's worries stare as he takes a deep breath and makes his way to his mentor's lab, the doors opening immediately for him.

As soon as he walks into the room, Mr. Stark is already on his case, looking up from his project with a concerned frown, eyebrows furrowed. "Hey kid, everything alright? Happy said you were quiet on the way over."

Peter shakes his head and reinforces the fake smile on his face, hating the way his cheeks twitch with the effort. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay." His voice is quiet, subdued even to his own ears as he walks to his station, picking up a pair of tweezers even if he has no plan to use them.

Mr. Stark snorts at him, giving him a look. "Yeeeeah, you see, Happy also told me that you were crying the entire way up here too, and that little act you're trying to pull isn't sitting so well with me right now, bud." Peter just stares down at his table and shrugs, watching as the tools get blurrier and blurrier as wetness fills his eyes again. Mr. Starks tone softens significantly as he places a hand on to Peter's shoulder. "Come on, Pete, what's going on in the head of yours, hm?"

Peter sniffs and wipes his eyes with his sleeve, mumbling. "It's stupid."

Mr. Stark rubs a thumb against his shoulder reassuringly. "If its upsetting you, it isn't stupid, kid."

"It is. It's just a teddy bear." Even as hard as he tries to keep his composure, his voice cracks at the end of his sentence, his eyes fill up again and he breaks as soon as the words are out of his mouth, placing a hand up to his lips as the first loud sobs echoes in the room.

Mr. Stark makes a small noise, before pulling him into his chest, holding him tightly as Peter sobs, soaking his old, ratty tshirt with his tears, hand curled into the fabric as he spills everything, how his uncle gave him the bear when it was little, how it came from his parents, all they've been through together, and mostly how much it meant to him. It takes a few minutes for Peter to calm back down again, and as much as he hates to admit it, he feels quite a bit better now that the tightness in his chest has ceased, the grip on his lungs loosening slightly as he got everything off his chest.

"See?" Peter chuckles wetly, sniffling. "Stupid."

"Look at me, bud." Mr. Stark pulls away, and thumbs away the wetness still littering his cheeks, tilting his head up to make sure he's looking him in the eye. "Just because it's a stuffed teddy bear doesnt mean it didnt mean a lot to you," Peter goes to rebuttal, but Mr. Stark blows over him. "And just because you know your aunt didn't mean to, its allowed to hurt. You're allowed to feel this way, Pete, it shows that you care." He smiles gently at the boy, who smiles back shakily.

"Yeah, I-I guess so."

"I know so." Mr. Stark states like it's a fact, patting Peter's cheeks and causing him to giggle, the sound making Mr. Starks entire face soften. "Feel better now?"

Peter nods firmly, smiling easily now. "Yeah, think so... thank you, Tony."

"Of course." The older man gives his shoulders one last squeeze before letting go completely and stepping back, walking back towards his project, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Now that we're done with all that emotional shit, wanna help me on this?"

Peter just grins back at him. "Hell yeah."

A few days later, when Peter comes back for his internship again, a stuffed Iron Man teddy bear is sat at his station. Theres no note or anything attached to it, and Mr. Stark never brings it up, but Peter knows it's from him. And, as he watches the man working in the corner of his eye, he smiles softly down at the teddy bear, his heart warm. He may have lost Tony the teddy, and one of his last connections to his parents and his uncle, but maybe, just maybe, he can make some new memories with this little guy by his side. New memories with his friends, with his new father figure, and his new family as a whole.