#i cant even with how good it's been thus far

[paint-music-with-me]

The fact that this fixation has bled to Tiktok and Pinterest (one app I use bc friend likes sending me memes and the other only to look at aesthetic clothes) is very telling of how much in a chokehold I am here. This is terrifying.

[yongseungkim]

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[3nderstar]

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[thatdeadaquarius]

SAGAU / Isekai Genshin:

You can still use your characters! ... as in possessing them 👻

(all art by me down below, hope its decent lol - did it for u guys and myself i mean what )

Edit 9/7/23: 1,500+ NOTES??? BRO WHAT!! THABK YOU <3

Edit 12/24/23 + 4/5/24:

☆

My dumbass forgot to put this here .-.

Anywya this is a full length fanfic now ;)

PART 1 (you're here!) / Part 2

So.

You got sucked into a video game. 

Crazy, but it happens ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

yknow how it issss

...you very quickly discover that unfortunately video game rules still apply...

which wouldn't normally be an issue! like, needing to use the bathroom in the middle of a fight? Nope! minor cuts and bruises like papercuts, only actual enemies or fall damage counting? hell yeah that'd be great (theoretically no chronic pains if you got that?? hmmmm unsure)

see the issue comes when you realize, you as a player, don't have a "character" that's all your own

there's aether/lumine yeah.. but bc the game's real now, they're their own people, and you didn't wake up to find yourself as a blonde twin...

the closest you can describe your form as is .. like a seelie?

or like the way ghosts look in game?

but a lot more "starry"

like your specterlike, but you look like you got filled up with stars and the milky way, maybe a reference of you being from another universe/world? (aether/lumine/dainsleif/khaenriah star symbol reference secret thEORY-)

but yah.

you also got just, white eyes.

like, not iris, not pupil. like your pupil and iris got erased

you gotta admit, at least you look really aesthetic now.

(u also got a little cape and hood on at all times, and you cant take it off to see your starrified hair >:/ ,very Blue Diamond-esque, look up Steven Universe, Blue Diamond if you dont know who im talking about)

so needless to say, as soon as you sort of glitched your way into existence you were HYPE

i mean ur ACTUALLY IN TEYVAT WITH THE BOYSSSS

...then you realize your a spooky-no-character-to-pilot-around-thus-no-character-model-body-for-you thingy

and that you cant touch stuff!! >:(

like wth!!!

thats just downright unfair.

so, you figure if you got no body to be.... you gotta find a new "character" to pilot >:)

...

I choose you, yellow fungi!

...

....

you're in the fucking woods (Sumeru somewhere obv, u knew that the moment you opened ur eyes),

what'd you expect?? an archon??

..wait a minute. can you possess an archon-

these kinda thoughts plague your first few days of irl genshin impact playing

a rishabold tiger? yep.

a sumpter beast? kinda slow and heavy feeling but yeah.

...you also try a ruin machine LOL

by far, the fungi and ruin machines are the best to possess, mostly because you can remain upright with those

(tho u did find some type of flying monkey that wasnt in game, but its like,, a real world and jungle now so that makes sense there'd be more complexity + stuff)

you do eventually think you should try and possess a person at this point... but ur kinda nervous 👉👈

its ur first time doin this okay nobody explained the basics to you youve been winging for a week now!

will your mind be replaced with theirs? it hasn't been so far with the creatures/bots

and as far as you can tell, they kinda just-

forget what happened or "wake up" after you possess them

(the tiger you were for a day looked confused as hell when it realized that there was a new pile of fruit next to it when it "woke up", it was your way of saying thank you to the animals of the jungle, u left them little piles of food you collected running around as them)

so THEORHETICALLY-

you should be good to go and possess a random poor eremite

... you figure you want to possess something human-like eventually even if you get a puppet body like wanderer/raiden so...

here goes nothing...

♤

so it's been 2 weeks since you've been forcefully yanked into teyvat, and by the second week, you were trying to possess eremites

which! worked out!

mostly..!

you kinda convinced the entirety of two eremite camps that a certain part one of sumeru's forests is hella haunted bc ppl keep "blacking out" and doing things they don't remember doing, yknow... like possesssion LMAO

they kinda ran off to escape you but, hey!

experiment #2: people possession, success!!

now you were kinda convinced of this when you realized no matter the angle the animals and machines of sumeru didnt react to you getting super close to them (you dont have to touch something to posses it, just look at it really, but you wanted to test limits, so you walked up to sumpter beasts and fungi and ruin machines)

but no one can see you.

you don't have a "character" most of the time, you can float and glide around the ground like scaramouche lol

you cant touch stuff bc of this, you cant smell stuff (u saw the eremites campfires & couldnt smell the smoke until you were them)

you cant eat stuff w/o a body, so.. it makes sense that the eremites and passing merchants, cant see you when you float around, trying to reorient yourself after 2 weeks of experimenting

:( ur only a lil sad about it... but mostly not bc lol u got possession powers so trade off u guess

the first time you see a vision-bearer you literally scream

LMAO

ur so lucky u cant be seen or heard

bc Collei would have def screamed back lol

needless to say u stalk the forest ranger- ALL DAY.

Collei goes on patrol around the woods? you go on a patrol.

collei goes to visit other forest rangers? you "visit" other forest rangers at base (lol u def possess a guy who was asleep on a bench nearby & wake up to go talk to Collei "in-person", poor guy was so worried he sleep walked/talked so hard he went to see Tighnari an hour later lmao)

welp, you decide this is your life now, follow Collei everywhere, talk one-sided to Collei until you can possess a forest ranger w/o it being suspicious (dont wanna turn the poor rangers into the terrified eremites from a week or two ago...)

then, after you get the courage and erase the paranoia that tighnari can just... somehow hear your ghostly bullshit-

u do the same to Tighnari (then Cyno when he visits! no u didnt squeal, so what, nobody can hear you- )

♧

Tighnari begins to get suspicious about 3 weeks into this routine.

he's been starting to collect and start a file on all the rangers or nearby villagers that've started randomly "blacking out/sleep walking" in the evenings usually

(u possess as close to nighttime as u can so it seems like sleepwalking)

So when Cyno comes back from a mission gone wrong,

having nearly been decapitated by a rogue flying ruin machine, only to black out and come to standing calmly 10 feet further than he remembered being 1 minute ago...

Tighnari's suspicions are confirmed, and he launches into researching this phenomenon.

his first thought is something like the aranara, but that doesn't account for the effect this thing is having on people

after all, what little forest spirit is strong enough to-

-control humans??

Tighnari begins to get the sense he's in over his head after he finds himself pushed into going into Sumeru City in order to collect more library books or ask around if the blackouts have spread to the city people

he answer is negative, on both accounts.

and he spends about one half of the day walking around, and the other reading up all he can on mythical creatures or ailments

Tighnari gives up for the day, and as he makes his way back to Ghandarvaville, he almost gets ambushed by some particularly nasty muggers

...and then he wakes up 20 feet away, his denro vision thrumming with power, full of worry and fondness for himself??, (just like Cyno said he felt happen to him..)

...Tighnari decides he needs reinforcements.

YOU GUYS-

UR LOCAL ZODIAC SIGN OBSESSED W/GENSHIN HIT A CHARACTER LIMIT ON A POST FINALLY. 😦

??? THIS WOULDVE BEEN LONGER BUT I BARELY GOT SPACE FOR THIS- I- EVEN THE QIQI POST DIDNT HIT LIMIT-

uh cya ig!!

Safe travels lmao,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist @revonie / @hat-on-a-cat / @takottai / @sickly-falling (?) / @iruiji

(Sorry about the late tag! I forgot to update my taglist before i posted this 💀 my bad guys)

Also if the people who got put there who i couldnt find a blog for see this, idk what went wrong ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - maybe check and see if ur setting for "being able to be searched/looked up" is turned on?? Idk man

[factual-fantasy]

Greetings Factual! I just realized I completely forgot to congratulate you in my last Ask- so although it's a tad late, allow me to say, great job getting to yet another milestone in the form of 27,000 followers! As I've said before, you deserve every single one and more- your works, both big and small, make bad days brighter and good days even better! I've especially enjoyed the pixel art gags these past few days- "human sans" and "Bingus" in particular- and it seems like many others have too- at this rate, 30,000 is just a few steps away! Almost their!

Also, thanks a million for responding so kindly to my idea regarding the gangs reunion with patty and meeting with Baragara! I'm glad you like it, and regardless of what details you decide on, I just hope we get to see the moment illustrated some day, as emotional as it is epic!

As for my actual Ask today- I was wondering about Grimaces Gigantamax status. As you probably know, some Pokemon species, including Gengar, can take mega evolution to the next level and temporarily grow to Kaiju sizes when exposed to certain types of legendary energy. However, of the 26 compatible species, not all members have the genes necessary to do so. So, even though he is unlikely to be exposed to the energy required to Gigantamax, if he was, would Grimace be among the lucky few of his kind to react? Or does he lack the Gigantamax genes- which, if he does, certainly wouldn't make him any less awesome!

Oh, and also, small goofy side ask I just thought of- since the group usually seems to sleep together, do any of its six ( later eight ) members snore? And if so, have the others grown accustomed to the noise? Or do they "throw a pillow at the problem" so to speak?

(27,000 followers) (Human sans) (Bingus)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DD I'm glad to hear that you've been liking my pixel stuff!! :DDD

As for the Baragara ask, awe! No problem!! :D I've been thinking about his story and how I would draw it.. it just seems like a hefty project to take on in my current state.. <XD

Now hmm.. Gigantimaxing.. Funnily enough the discord server an I actually talked about Grimace potentially Gigantimaxing or mega evolving. You know, for angst reasons XD But the general take away I got is it would requite too specific of an environment and situation for him to mega evolve on accident. If mega evolving on accident is even possible- (I say accident because the group are not intended to know what megastones are or how they work. So its not like Grimace could mega evolve intentionally-)

Gigantimaxing had a similar problem. Requiring too specific of an environment/situation for him to Gigantimax unintentionally. They're not in/from the Galar region, so they don't have access the things needed to Gigantimax.. and since Grimace isn't from Galar, I thought it would stand to reason that he wouldn't have the gigantimax genes..(do only galar region pokemon have the genes..?)

And even if they were in Galar and Grimace had the genes, Gloria would be a roadblock.

If they found like.. a gigantimax den.? She would surly sense the powerful aura and be sketched out. Thus steering the group away. And since Gloria has never steered them wrong before.. no body would disobey her.

It kind'a sucks that I cant find a way for these two scenarios to work out! 😭 I had a lot of fun imagining Grimace mega evolving in a panic to protect the group and then needing Sylvester to talk him down. But needing a megastone, and a keystone..? And somehow having Gloria not get sussed out by the stones powerful aura and not taking it away from Grimace just seems pretty far fetched. Darn you Gloria for being so observant and caring for your friends. 😔

I'm open to ideas of how I can make either idea less specific and more possible though.. 👀👀

As for your last ask, I'd like to say that thankfully none of them snore <XD it would be pretty hard to stay hidden in the forest if you snore!

[daydream-believin]

Like A Boiled Frog (You Don't Even Scream) [ch 1]

notes: might proofread this before i post this to ao3 but here have the raw milk version (pasteurization is for losers amaright)

series summary: every time you think things cant get any more batshit, hurricane throws another pile of guano at you. every time you think the hole cant get any deeper, you fall further. and you’re not sure what frightens you more: the town itself, or your increasing reluctance to leave.

or: au where mike has that pizza shop for wayyy more than a week and you find yourself a horror protagonist. or at least one’s love interest.

chapter summary: get haunted bitch. now go drive to utah in a manic episode. go meet a nice walking corpse, maybe it'll fix you. or make you worse. probably that second thing lmao

word count: 7985, oh dear (thats with me cutting out some stuff lol)

warnings: uh, swearing, manic behavior, self-harmful thoughts/behavior, mention of hallucinations/hearing voices, shit this is sounding bad, i mean its canon typical violence so idk man no lifeguard on duty

You know how in Source Decay, John Darnielle says / I wish the west Texas highway was a mobius strip / I could ride it out forever / when I feel my heart break? / Well, that guy’s a bitchass snake oil salesman for romanticizing this. Fuck that guy.

Although, this is the first time you’ve ever been able to set a cruise control and actually just leave it at that. What with there being no other cars on the road out here at this hour for you to run into. You even forgot about it at one point.

Little puffs of fire danced in your peripheral vision, like fairies flitting about. It was easy to spot them out in the night air, all those pumpjacks that littered the desert. There was nothing but these small fires, with the tiny, dotted additions of the glowing red eyes of windmills to light up the way for miles.

And you tried not to think about how if you broke down, no one would be around to find you. Every now and then you would startle at the shadowy specter of a tumbleweed crossing your path, but you were acutely aware of just how alone you were out here.

On that train of thought, your gaze fell to the passenger side, to the little bear toy you had buckled into a seatbelt like it was a person.

“Can you believe this, Fredbear?” you asked the inanimate object.

Fredbear did not answer, of course. Would be insane if he did, right?

Hmm …Why did part of you expect him to.

***

The august sun was beating down hot on your back as you walked home that day. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but it was only last week.

The neighborhood was as full of life as it always was. The kids running around in a game of tag, the teens playing basketball, and the adults walking their dogs. You could hear some faint music playing in the distance, most likely from the stage setup in the square downtown, not too far away.

There were many yard sales set up, it being the thing to do on a sunny Saturday afternoon like this. Despite your very strong instincts to rummage through all the boxes in these sales like a raccoon looking for dinner in a dumpster, you were broke, with no money to spare for impulse purchases on random junk. And thus, being a mature adult, you walked right past them.

That is, until a yard full of children’s toys caught your eye. One of your cousins’ kids was turning 6 in a few weeks. Might as well buy presents now before you forget again and have to rush to the store in a panic 8 minutes after the party had already started, sweat rolling down your back as you search the toy isle for something the birthday boy would like, while your phone keeps buzzing in your pocket nonstop because both your cousin is texting and your aunt is calling to ask where you’re at because you were the one who was supposed to be picking up the pizza.

 I mean, just a hypothetical scenario here.

You didn’t really find anything good as you dug through the bins of miscellaneous action figures and toy cars. As you could recall, the kid really liked Iron Man right now. And sharks. Alas, you found no Iron Mans or sharks in those bins.

The other table’s baskets were full of stuffed animals. You could maybe get lucky and find a stuffed shark in there. But stuffed animals are notorious for being hard to clean; and yard sale plushies sometimes come with more than just one new friend. You weren’t about to be the reason your cousin had to fumigate her house for bedbugs. Again. So, you decided to close this case for now and skedaddle on out of there.

You took another look back at the table as you walked away.

Well.. The toys you could see at the top of the bins did look like they were well taken care of… It couldn’t hurt to just look, right?

Yeah no. You found no sharks unfortunately. What you did find, however, was this funky little teddy bear wearing a top hat and bowtie.

A real character, that one. The bright gold fabric of its body made it stand out amongst the other toys. The smile stitched onto the bear gave it a weird, smug look. And you hadn’t seen a plushy with eyebrows before.

That being said, this thing’s aura was so... unsettling. You stared into its black eyes, that seemed to stare right back at you, with a strange feeling twisting in the pit of your stomach.

“You like that one, do ya?”

You almost jumped out of your skin when the old man running the sale spoke to you. You had Not heard him come up beside you like that. Creepy.

“Yeah, it’s…” you tried to think of a positive word, “very intriguing. Looks like it’s ready for a party.”

“My granddaughter called him Fredbear. Found him over in Utah, many years back. In a yard sale, just like this one,” he gently took the bear from you, and looked down at it wistfully, “My granddaughter..  liked how smartly dressed he was. A perfect guest for her tea parties. You were right about that…”

The old man stared at the doll for a little longer after the conversation faded. You felt extremely awkward now. Perhaps you really should have just left without unearthing this obvious sentimental piece.

“My grandchildren are no longer here with me,” you felt a little uncomfortable with how he phrased that, “so, I’ll tell you what. Promise me you’ll take care of him, and he’s yours. Free of charge.”

“Oh, I couldn’t. I’d be happy to pay for him, really,” you felt bad taking free stuff from the elderly.

“No,” he said with a tone of finality, placing the bear firmly into your hands, “the day’s almost over. I’d like to help this old friend move on. It’s time.”

Well that somehow was both sweet and foreboding at the same time.

So, you thanked the old man and started back on your walk home, Fredbear cradled in your arms. He waved goodbye to you. The grandfather, of course, not the teddy bear.

You probably aren’t going to wind up giving this one to your cousin’s son. There was something about it that told you not to. Maybe it was the way the old man talked about it. You felt compelled to take care of the plush yourself. Kind of like an honor thing. Or a pity thing.

It smelled a little funky. But that’s nothing a little TLC couldn’t handle. And some dish soap.

Maybe you were just. Feeling a bit childish lately. Too small and easily broken. Moved to tears by little things that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Disregarded and treated like your fears weren’t real.

Deeply afraid.

Yeah, you’d give Fredbear a nice soak in the sink with a fun dish soap bubble bath. And maybe after that, you’ll both feel a little better.

You were alone in your apartment that night, as your roommate was always gone these days. And when you made your tea, you brought Fredbear a mug as well. A little tea party, for old time’s sake.

Looking back, maybe that was your first mistake.

***

Static rolled from your radio. You gave up on fiddling with it hours ago, but you’ve got nothing better to occupy your mind now.

You turned the knob absentmindedly, never really expecting to get anywhere. Or any signal, that is. A muffled country song here, the broken-up voice of a DJ there, nothing strong enough to stay for more than a few seconds. However, a few seconds of a clear transmission was all you really needed when you rolled past a certain signal.

“zZz-Hurricane—“

Now that was a word that got your attention. Not that you were anywhere near the coast at the moment. You know, unless the person reading this is looking to buy some oceanside property in Arizona. In that case feel free to slide into my DMs.

“zZZ-Peach Days! -Zz celebratio— zzZ-year—peaches peach—-ZzzZ-Heritage-zZ,” you let your gaze flicker downward, towards the dimly lit red text of the frequency number display as if that would provide some more insight.

And then suddenly, the fuzz was completely gone, as if you were near the tower itself,

“So Hurry On To Hurricane City!” the spokesman encouraged cheerfully. You could practically here the giant pageant smile in his voice as he delivered his slogan. This man was your friend, obviously. Then, however, his tone shifted as he closed the ad copy, “Because you know the party can’t start without you…”

You held your breath as the silence dragged out a few agonizing seconds, until “ZZZZZZZZ!!!”, in a jolt, the transmission went completely out. Explosively. You even flinched.

You stayed on the station for a good twenty minutes after that, waiting to see if you could hear anything again. You could feel your heart pound against your ribs until the terrifying feeling faded. There was nothing else but static, of course, and for so long you almost thought you must have imagined it. If not for the way those dull words repeated in your head, over and over.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

THE PARTY CAN’T START WITHOUT YOU.

You hadn’t really had a destination in mind when you took off. No goal other than to get out of there as fast as you could manage. The idea of the West had been bouncing around your brain a lot lately, hence your current trajectory, but you really hadn’t had a clue where you were supposed to be going when you left.

I mean, you still didn’t have a destination. You had no clue what that advertisement was even about. Where they were even fucking talking about. Hurricane City?

Yet, somehow, you knew those words were meant for you. Not anyone else. you. There was a party and the party was waiting for you.

Guess you’d have to look for a map or something in town. Perhaps use the library computer. Man, you would regret throwing your phone into the lake in a fit of passion as you left town, but honestly, this is the longest you’ve known peace in quite some time. Just gonna have to live a little retro for a while. Not the worst thing in the world.

You’ll get a new one later, once you’ve settled in to… wherever you’re going. Whatever new home lies over that horizon for you, you guess.

The sun was breaching the beige skyline of sandy shrub brush as you finally rolled over the state line. You needed to eat. Your stomach growled loudly at just the thought. Funny. You hadn’t even thought about eating in the last.. twenty hours. Which means you should be absolutely shaking right now. Yeah, that’s why you’re shaking. That’s it. You’ll pull into the first diner you see.

You were hoping to at least be in Roswell for breakfast, but there was no way your body was going to be able to keep running if you waited that long. Looks like it’s just going to be the first place you come across.

Hopefully they don’t put green chilis in their pancakes or something.

That sounds insane but it’s an actual thing you’ve seen before in this state, trust. There are no laws nor gods when it comes to Hatch green chilis.

***

Your sleepy brain was not ready for the bell that rang as you walked through the door. Embarrassingly enough, the tinny noise startled you. You almost tripped, to be honest. Thankfully your wobbly Bambi legs held up as you managed to catch yourself.

The hostess wasn’t in sight as you awkwardly stood in the entrance, but there was a whole heap of noise coming from the kitchen.

“Hold on just a second, Sweetpea!” a voice called out to you.

Well, guess you’re holding on a second.

Your eyes scanned the top of the walls, perusing the vast cookie jar collection that the owner had accrued over the years. They were never dusted, despite being on shelves that lined the top of every wall in the tiny shack of a diner, and thus you could easily tell that a few new additions had been made. You know, because those cookie jars were way less filthy.

That’s gotta be a heath-code violation.

After you heard a bit of garbled yelling, the hostess rushed out to take her place in front of you. Smoothing down her polka-dotted apron, she grinned at you.

“Table for two?”

You blinked. It was too early in the morning for fully intelligent speech.

“Uh. No. Just me today. Thank you.”

Her big, bedazzled cat-eyeglasses fell a little farther down her nose as she scrunched her face in confusion, “alright then. Just the one of you today...”

She grabbed a paper menu as she led your shambling body to a table near the window. Which was shut away with ancient looking vinyl blinds that you were too afraid to open, lest they crumble and the cost of replacing them be put on your on tab.

She had already disappeared back into the kitchen by the time you got yourself in a seat. You glanced around the room. You weren’t the only patron here, as a few tables held a few bodies, but you were the only one without your face buried in a newspaper. And to be expected honestly, you were the youngest person in the room at seven in the morning.

The hostess, who was also the only waitress in this tiny local business, placed two glasses in front of you. The dull sound they made hitting the table drew you out of your revelry. There before you were two cups, a steaming mug of fresh coffee and a short glass of milk. You looked up in confusion.

“Don’t worry, it’s whole milk. Builds strong bones.”

That... wasn’t your concern.

You looked back at the cup in confusion and by the time you turned back, she had already moved on to the next table, refilling mugs and having loud banter with the other customers. Her regulars, by the sound of it. You felt too apathetic to try and call her over again.

You shrugged, to no one in particular, as you did not have a breakfast partner with you, despite the waitress’s insistence otherwise. Wait, was she mocking you? Eh, maybe it’s just supposed to be for the coffee. Nevertheless, you would not be drinking the milk, so you just left it there.

Despite the prevalence of the local newspaper in the room, there wasn’t a dispenser or anything at the front of the restaurant, like there usually is. As you drummed your fingers on the tablecloth, bored out of your mind, you kinda regretted throwing your phone in the lake a bit more. Maybe not the best of moves.

But hey, at least you aren’t constantly quelling the incessant buzzing you’d be hearing if you’d kept it.

You busied yourself stirring your coffee while you looked over the menu again, just for something to read. Of course, you were ordering a waffle. Because this was a diner, and, yeah, you do like waffles. And pancakes. And French toast. Doodoodoodoo can’t wait to get a mouthful.

That voice kept echoing in your mind. The party can’t start without you.

“More coffee, Babycakes?” the waitress snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah, thank you,” you moved the mug to the edge of the table, closer to her, “Say… I know this is an out-of-pocket question, but have you heard anything about Hurricane City? Maybe something about peaches?”

“Oh!” she snapped her fingers, “You mean the Peach Days. It’s a little heritage festival they put on every summer in Hurricane, you know. It’s a hoot, my family makes a trip out there every few years or so for it. Not this time of course, clearly, since I’m here talkin’ to you and not in Utah—”

“In Utah?”

Of course, it was Fucking Utah again.

“I know it’s soundin’ far, but it’s only ‘bout a day’s drive from here. Two days if y’ain’t crazy about following an itinerary like my husband,” she brushed a hand over her apron before you lost her attention to the other customers, “I swear that man would plan out a schedule for every second of the day if he could…”

After she wandered off to go top off more mugs, you lamented the fact that you still hadn’t ordered yet. That’s what you get for being nosy about peach festivals, you suppose.

Thankfully though, soon enough you had your hearty breakfast and were back in front of the wheel, on your way to the friendly neighborhood Walmart. Where hopefully no cops or employees would bother you as you crashed in the parking lot.

You took Fredbear to the backseat with you for good luck. Maybe it was the gold color, or the fancy getup he had. Maybe you just needed a cuddle buddy to not feel so alone in this parking lot swarming with people.

Much to your disdain, it was now a bit into the morning hours, and the sun was fully up.

You had tried to find as shady a spot as possible, but it’s not exactly like trees grow in this biome. At least not naturally. Windbreak tree lines were definitely a thing, but those protected buildings people cared about, and this was a Walmart. Nothing around here but concrete, rocks spray painted blue, and cigarette butts.

So after tossing and turning in the bright blinding sunshine for way longer than you should have, and making promises to higher deities was proven to be unfruitful in your attempt to find some semblance of peace, you finally just had to admit defeat. And here by rescinding any aforementioned promises to higher powers.

You laid Fredbear back down on the seat and tucked him in with the blanket when you got back up. At least one of you could be cozy and well rested. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be you, however.

Well, it’s far from the first all-nighter you’ve pulled without having time to take a nap during the following day. Sleep deprivation isn’t real, silly. Teachers just made that up to scare you. It’ll be fine.

***

You know you never really realize how much we structure our lives around other humans until you take a drive through the middle of nowhere. How essential it is to have enough gas to make it to the next town. From town to town, your life becomes segments. Only within the eyesight of other humans are you ever safe. Only within the bounds of the settlement can your soul be settled.

Gas stations become oases. Which is the plural of oasis, apparently. Anyway, you start seeing them like mirages. Dingey, weather-worn gas pumps become as good as a sparkling illusion of precious water in the Sahara. The empty shells of buildings you passed by, long since forgotten, became like mausoleums in these graveyard towns. Villages. Hamlets. Mostly hamlets.

“Are we there yet?” a small and very annoyed voice called out.

You had just written it off as your imagination until you heard the noise of shuffling fabric. Normally your audio hallucinations aren’t that detailed. Paralyzed, you held your breath, not daring to make any noise that would distract your ears from hearing whoever, whatever, was in the back seat. Your mind went to stories of skinwalkers and misshapen monsters and hitch-hiking serial killers.

“… Are we there yet?” the voice repeated, admittedly sounding even smaller to you now.

Yep, that’s a real person alright. Or a real thing. Your eyes were probably bloodshot from the way you haven’t blinked this entire time, just staring straight ahead on the desert highway. Taking a deep, shaky breath to steady yourself, you turned down the rear-view mirror…

Christ almighty. You had a stowaway.

Your stomach turned immediately. God, come on now, don’t puke up what little you had on your stomach. You need that.

“Hey Buddy,” you tried to sound as friendly as you could, “What’s your name?”

Clad in a little striped shirt and cargo shorts, he started kicking his feet in impatience, which would be cute if it weren’t for this situation y’all are in, and the adrenaline pumping through your veins, “We’ve been in here forever,” he whined.

If this was a skinwalker, he was a pretty darn adorable one. And definitely not a hitch-hiking serial killer. At least you hoped. But no, this was a greater form of terror: responsibility.

“Haha, yeah, we have been in here really long, haven’t we? How long do you think we’ve been driving, can you tell me?”

When did you pick up this child. When you got gas in Gallup? Albuquerque? Dear lord, if he’s been in here since Roswell, you’re about to have the world’s biggest headache on your hands, both metaphorically and physically. But there’s no way he’s been in here for fucking 10 hours, right? right??

Okay, okay. Maybe you’re just a little panicky right now and not thinking straight. Maybe teachers hadn’t been making up sleep deprivation just to scare you after all. You have been purposely not drinking anything for the lack of available restrooms. People get dehydration hallucinations, right?

The boy just stared at you, blankly. Probably fully realizing you were a stranger and not whoever he thought you were. In lieu of answering you, he started fidgeting more with the toy bear you had had in the back. You really hoped that hadn’t been what lured him into your station wagon in the first place.

Don’t be getting shy on me now, kid.

You put your blinker on, ready to merge off the road and onto an incoming rest-stop that you thanked your lucky stars for.

“Honey, can you tell me what your phone number is?”

He looked up at you, finally tearing his attention from the bear, and you could see gears turning in his head.

“…435-555-1987?”

You repeated it back to him, and he nodded. Alright, time to find that payphone.

Said rest-stop payphone was thankfully near a picnic table so you could sit him down and be able to watch him carefully the whole time you made this call. Because judging by the fact this situation was happening at all, he was a slippery one.

You got out of the car and opened the back door, but he was hesitant to get out. Which, fair, you are a stranger trying to get him to a second location.

“What’s up, Bud?” you tried your hardest to not sound like a predator but boy was that a real nebulous idea, wasn’t it?

“Fredbear wants to come too,” he mutters.

“Well, sure then, let’s bring him, we’ll have a little picnic.” With no food, but hey, whatever lie it takes to get him sitting on that bench.

It was really cute the way the kid set the bear down on the table and positioned it like they were going to have a picnic together. When you find this kid’s parents, you’ll let him keep Fredbear. Toys like it when they’re given to new children, right? Wasn’t there a movie about that or something. Wincing at the grubbiness of the payphone, you reluctantly dialed the number.

“Hello, Jeff’s Pizza on Main St, are you ready to order?”

You closed your eyes, counting the seconds as you breathed in for 4 seconds, held it for 7, and released for 8.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“Yes!” you practically shouted into the receiver. So much for calming down, “please don’t hang up,” you pleaded.

“Listen, we don’t take solicitation,”

“No, uh, sorry. I’ve found a lost child who told me this was his number. Is the owner of this restaurant by chance frantically looking for their son?”

You heard some muffled conversation happening behind the phone, “Well, no, I don’t even have any kids… and I uh, am currently understaffed. Im the only one here.”

you cursed under your breath.

“Uh, alright, well…” you could tell this was getting really awkward for him.

“Could you tell me where y’all are, I’m unfamiliar with the area code,”

“Uh, Hurricane, Utah?”

… If you weren’t on the phone, you fucking swear you’d be screeching at the top of your lungs like a chimpanzee right now.

“Thank you, you know, just in case he’s just remembering an advertisement he’s seen or something,”

“Oh, okay,” there was a pause, “well I hope you find the parents or, whoever,”

“Thank you,” you’ll put him out of his misery and hang up.

“Are you sure that’s your number, Hon?”

“Uh-huh,”

“Why don’t you tell me it again, maybe I dialed it wrong,”

“435-5--” his face scrunched up in concentration, “435-555—I don’t know…”

You tried not to look visibly stressed at this answer.

“Do you know where you live?”

He moved the bears paws along with whatever little game he was playing, before looking up at you, head tilted in confusion, “Hurricane?”

Okay. Police time. If not for him, for you. The skinwalker possibility just went back up. Because, honestly, he had to have gotten in your car as a coyote or something. No way you wouldn’t’ve noticed a whole ass child entering your car.

“How does ice cream sound, huh Buddy?”

“I want ice cream!” he said hastily as if you’d change your mind if he hesitated.

“Ice cream it is then, but only if you’re good for me and the officers, okay? And tell them everything you can remember. You’re smart, right?”

“Uh-huh,”

“Great,” you smiled over clenched teeth.

After herding him back into the car, you had to take a moment to gently rest your head into the steering wheel. And it took everything within you to not smash said head into it. Or scream in agony. No, no, we mustn’t scare the child.

Tuba City wasn’t too far away. The police station was downtown, as most are. Luckily, across the street there was a paleteria with a courtyard area. The little guy got very excited when you got pulled into the parking space, so eh, what the hell, ice cream first. Maybe after a treat and some playtime in the courtyard he won’t be as wiggly and will be able to tell the cops what he knows about just where the hell he came from.

The noise of the bell chiming made you flinch as you two walked into the paleteria. You hadn’t thought you were that tightly wound right now but apparently you were wrong. The lady behind the counter greeted you warmly, and you responded in turn, trying to play it cool.

God, imagine if she got an off-vibe from you and the kid and called over the police from across the street before you even have a chance—

Deep breath. Okay. The kid you had started referring to in your head as just “Little Boy” was leaned against the display case, his breath fogging up the glass in front of him and probably leaving little handprints for the shopkeeper to clean later.

“I’m sorry about that,”

“That’s… Okay. What can I get you?” she seemed a little confused. Strange, but you brushed past it just as quickly as she did.

“Ah, what do we want?” you asked Little Boy.

He excitedly tugged on your pantleg and pointed to the popsicle he wanted, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes. He doesn’t need to convince you, but you quickly realized you were not going to be able to say no to any else after this if he deployed the same cute begging look.

“One of those cute little Tweety Bird faces,” you pointed.

“Anything else?” she handed you the popsicle and you gingerly took it.

“Nah, that’s it” you were too nauseous to eat right now.

You paid, throwing the change into the tip jar, and turned to give Little Boy the popsicle she handed you.  The words caught in your throat as you looked down to find your pantleg absent of any tugging by any Little Boy. You quickly scanned the tiny paleteria. He was nowhere to be found, anywhere in the room.

“Uh, did you see where the kid went?” you tried not to sound too panicked.

She was taken aback, also quickly looking around the room to find no one, before shaking her head, “Did you have a kid with you?”

You furiously nodded in confusion,

“I’m sorry, then I didn’t see them,” she pointed to the glass door that led to the courtyard only a few feet away from y’all, “Try outside, maybe?”

You burst outside, searching the area in a panic, but you couldn’t see him anywhere. Not hidden in the tangle of the garden, not splashing around in the fountain, not at, under, on top of, or around any of the tables.

You went to call his name, but your voice caught in your throat when you realized you didn’t have a name to call. And.

And.

Something hit your shirt. A water droplet. You looked up into the clear, blinding blue sky. Your nerves tickled as another droplet ran down your cheek. Oh, you were crying. Huh.

You took the closet seat you could find, counting the things processed by your 5 senses. It’s all you could do to not start bawling for no reason. Maybe you’ll calm down and be able to think straight soon.

Why can’t you think straight? Everything feels so fuzzy.

You should be terrified, and in a way, you were. In your heart of hearts, you knew the truth: Little Boy wasn’t real. Or at least turned back into a coyote and ran off.

As you stared vacantly into the open air, you realized you still had a dripping popsicle in your hands. Supposedly “Tweety Bird” shaped, it just looked like a yellow skull missing its mandible bone to you. How fitting.

You pulled it to your mouth. Yum. Tasted like AAAAAAAA. Or orange, according to the package.

Attempting to lick the melted yellow liquid off of your hand, you accidentally stuck the ice pop on your face. Great. Now you’re sticky all over.

God, you’ve really gone and lost your fucking marbles this time, haven’t you.

There was a bulletin kiosk a few feet down your field of vision. On that bulletin kiosk was an old poster, barely visible as it was buried under layers of other flyers. It caught your eye and seemed to burn your retinas. What little you could see was the word Freddy and part of what looked like a version of the bear you’d been toting around this whole little expedition, but that was enough.

Something clicked. You looked down at the bear hanging by your side in your other hand. The kid had shoved it into your arms so he could more easily lean on the display case, right before he disappeared the very moment you took your eyes off of him.

You know, you hadn’t really felt alone since bringing Fredbear home. And not in a good way.

Guess the name you should’ve been calling was Freddy.

You had to get rid of that bear.

***

You had been walking home like you always did, same route. But you noticed something peculiar about this time. The house that the old man had his yard sale in was now stripped of all decoration, with a For Sale sign proudly standing in the grass. No cars, and no blinds or curtains on the windows, so you could see into the den which was now devoid of any furniture.

You’ll admit it, you crept around to the other windows, searching for any signs of life at all in the empty rooms. None. No furniture, no people, no trash. The yard sale was yesterday. How did they clean this place out so thoroughly in the short amount of time between when you’d seen it last and now.

A little confuddled, you went home as usual. While strange as hell, this wasn’t a missing person’s case or anything. And it’s probably why the man was so adamant on giving you Fredbear because it was the end of the day. He had a deadline. He was skipping town.

God, you wished you could just skip town.

You frankly thought nothing of it when you unlocked the door to your apartment to see Fredbear was already seated on the couch, like he was all set to marathon whatever 30-year-old cartoon you wound up watching that night. And it’s not like your roommate hadn’t done something like this before, move a stuffed animal or action figure into a funny position for you to find later.

You hadn’t seen him much lately. Or like, at all. The only reason you knew he was still alive were the dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes on the floor of the bathroom, and the aforementioned moving the bear around.

Looking back now, was he moving the bear around?

If you locked the deadbolt that can’t be unlocked from the outside, you’d be guaranteed to catch him in person for once. But you weren’t willing to go through the trouble and emotional toil of doing that, however.

In the name of feeling less like a ghost haunting your own home, getting yelled at for intentionally locking your roommate out might be a wee bit counterproductive. Sure, you’d be seen and spoken to, but the harshness of his words and tone would send you into a worse episode than you were already in.

Well, at least Fredbear seemed ready to keep you company tonight...

The fact that they put unskippable advertisements on streaming services you’re paying for in the first place is criminal. Or at least regular cable tv in a trenchcoat.

You got a drink while they prattled on about luxury cars you couldn’t afford and real estate companies you weren’t going to have the privilege of patroning any time soon. Embarrassingly, as you poured the pitcher of water into a glass, you got a little distracted.

The cheap glass’s glass was only about a millimeter or two thick. You could easily just crush this cup in your hand, in one swift movement. The muscles of your arm began tensing up at the thought.

But thankfully, a loud, blaring advertisement coming from the TV snapped you out of it. And so, you promptly decided to Not Do That, because picking all of those tiny glass shards out of your flesh would be a bitch. And that was not how you wanted to spend a perfectly good Sunday night. And of course you didn’t need the questions at work tomorrow.

You returned to the couch, curiously, and you swear, that damn teddy bear followed you with its eyes. Even though they were a shiny, solid black, and the idea itself would be insane.

As you settled back down, you grabbed the remote to turn down the volume of the cheery music playing. Mysteriously, it wasn’t just a commercial with bad sound mixing, the TV itself had been turned up. Now that it had your attention, the thing that was being sold to you seemed to the state of Utah. You know, those Visit [X] ads that were commonly played between cooking shows and ghost hunting documentaries.

“Oh hey, you’re from there, right?” you poked at fredbear. And immediately felt pathetic. God, you’ve got to stop talking to inanimate objects and like get a boyfriend or something. Geez.

The imagery on the screen was just, you know, normal southwest stock footage:

A drone shot of Zion national park

Old men golfing

Owls living in holes they’ve dug into cactuses

Rock archways

A family laughing as they shared a pizza being served to them by a man in a bear suit that looked just fredbear,

“Oh, well there you are, I guess.” you once again absent-mindedly spoke to your toy friend.

Kids swimming in a fancy resort pool

A Navajo cultural event

More rock archways and red sandstone cliffs

Kids crowding around a claw machine filled with toys just like the one sitting next to you

Kids crowding around a stage as an animatronic band played

Kids crowding around a birthday cake, the light of candles bouncing off their faces as they sang along…

The fake sounding voice of the announcer rung out, “Visit Utah! You know the party can’t start without you!”

Your mouth felt dry. Good thing you now had that glass of water.

***

Of course, you did what any smart, sane person would do and feverishly ripped through the layers of old flyers to get to the advertisement for what you now knew was Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place. A themed diner and nickel arcade that made most of their money hosting birthday parties, by the looks of it. You knew the type; you had been an American child once too.

Good thing none of the cops were hanging around outside to fine you for littering, because the amount of paper you just released into the breeze was in fact criminal.

There was a short list of locations at the bottom of the poster. They had a few scattered over Utah, or at least they used to, judging by the harsh weathering of this poster. The closest one being in Bigwater, explaining why this poster was out here in Tuba. But the word Hurricane stood out to you like it was lit up in neon. It burned like sunlight.

It appears you are in fact on your way to Hurricane, Utah. As if you didn’t know that already at this point, you being out on the canyon rim instead of your much preferred and beloved Rockies. Well, congratulations bitch. You’ve only got another three hours to go. Better get going. Have fun!

***

Oh, this place was creepy as hell. Or it’s just late at night, and you’re sleep deprived and paranoid. In the spirit of being honest to yourself, ‘sleep deprived and paranoid’ has always been your natural state of being, but right now it’s definitely ramped up to an eleven.

But even though it’s been close to 48 hours since your last brain-reset, this place still had a certain energy about it. Like New Orleans, or the woods around lynching bridges did. That spooky oh I am Not Safe here type of energy.

The gas station-man gave you a real weird look when you stormed in and asked where the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place was. Normally you would’ve chalked it up to you being a clear foreigner asking for directions as if it’s 1995, to a children’s arcade close to midnight nonetheless, but now you weren’t so sure.

You eyed the fridge full of wine in pint sized bottles and little juice cartons. But nah, you probably needed to have a quick reaction time to whatever was waiting for you in this Venus flytrap you’re willingly walking into. You grabbed a Monster instead and you know what, yeah, that probably wasn’t the best decision either. If you weren’t high strung before, you definitely were now. You felt like you could punch a bear. A Freddy Fazbear.

You bought a local map alongside the energy drink, feeling like you were gonna need it. Man, low-tech was actually kinda annoying after a while. You got the gas station-man to begrudgingly mark Fazbear’s down onto it for you. Apparently, it and all other locations within town had closed down some twenty years ago. Not many people are still around who remember why, he said, but it had something to do with the faulty animatronics. Teenagers told ghost stories and dared each other to spend the whole night in the dining room. But otherwise, beyond the rumors, the original Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Place was just an empty, scorched building. And the other various locations like Jr’s or Circus Baby’s had been sold off, passing so many hands who knows what businesses were in there now. But you could still kinda tell, if you paid attention, in the same way you can tell if something used to be a Pizza Hut.

What you really wanted, according to gas station-man, whose nametag read Gary, was this new location that was opening soon, simply named Freddy’s Pizzeria. It’s set to open for business in September, so you’re lucky. He marked it one your map as well.

You don’t know why Gary was so nice to you. Maybe it was the harrowed look in your eyes. Maybe it was the twitchiness. Maybe Gary is just very bored of this tourist town and was looking to fall madly in love with a random troubled soul he met at midnight in a gas station and would wind up running away with to some far-off place. If that was the case, sorry Gary. You were too busy with the metaphorical torture labyrinth to care about romance at the moment.

You couldn’t decide if the haunted Fredbear would want to see an old location or the new one. You asked, but of course the fucker didn’t answer. Just sat there with his smug grin and glassy eyes that followed your hand movements. So, you quite literally tossed a coin. A new mint, the face side had Eleanor Roosevelt on it. And she marked the fact that you were going to try the new location first, and then try the original building next. Cool.

***

Your patience was kinda at its limit here, you’ll admit. You really should get some sleep soon. Or eat. Since you were hellbent on getting here and nothing else, the only thing on your stomach besides that wretched Tweety Bird popsicle is half a monster energy. Guess you’ll go by a fucking Denny’s after this. If you survive.

If you were going to die horrifically, you’d really rather the forces that be make it snappy. This was getting ridiculous.

You pulled into the parking lot. The building clearly wasn’t new but had been freshly painted. Nothing creepy so far. As you stared down the building, sizing it up, you noticed there was one car parked in the front, and a few of the windows were lit up.

Cool, so there was someone in there. Great. That makes, well whatever this is, much harder.

The door was locked.

You could hear music playing from inside. You banged on the door as loudly as you could manage, and it still took a couple of minutes before the music stopped. And then a very disgruntled man in coveralls was in the doorway, tiredly asking just what the fuck you wanted at this time of night.

He smiled to cover up his rudeness, but the smile stretched a little too wide, inhumanly wide, and a shiver ran down your spine.

You took him in, unashamedly raking your eyes over his form. He stood awkwardly, as if ready to bolt at any moment. What you could see of his build made him out to be weirdly skinny. That unnaturally wide smile gave way to some exposed teeth on the left side of his face. His eyes were shadowed by his bangs in the backlight of the door, but you swore they almost glowed themselves. His complexion was greyish and bordered on almost purple in this lighting.

Despite all this, he was still pretty handsome. Well, you did always think some of those creepypasta guys were boyfriend material. Maybe, you wouldn’t mind getting chopped up into little pieces if this guy was the one doing it. Okay, and maybe you’ve been sleeplessly chasing ghosts too long.

Startling you, he reached his hand to grab your shoulder, a little too fast.

“Hey mate, are you okay?” He asked nervously,

It snapped you out of your stupor, realizing you had yet to say a word to him, “Uh, yes, I just wanted to…”

How do you even fucking ask this. “Hey, can I bring a stuffed bear to your dining room so maybe it’s spirit will leave me alone? Maybe conduct a séance or something?” Seriously, did you even know what you were doing here? Shit. Okay.

“I wanted to ask if I could check out your facility?” came out like a question because even you had no clue what you were saying.

“Come back tomorrow in the daylight, then,” he began closing the door, shaking his head in annoyance, “or perhaps when we’re actually open.”

“NO!” you slammed your foot into the door as he closed it, “AAGH!”

“Jesus Christ! WHY.”

Dear lord, this man now 100% thinks you’re a crackhead.

“Just, don’t close that door, okay,” his brows scrunched together as you grit your teeth to swallow down the pain, “I need you to help me.”

“I really don’t have any money to spar--”

“I’M HERE BECAUSE OF A GHOST,” you interrupted. Finally, you managed to get that out somehow, if nonsensical.

A look of recognition flickered in his glowing eyes. He lowered into your space, kind of intimidatingly. Or intimately. Yeah, no, this was hostile, don’t fool yourself.

“What kind of ghost,” he asked suspiciously.

“Uh,” shit, okay, “the weird, haunted doll kind? Uh, like the ones the McElroy brothers are always bidding on on eBay. Or maybe this is kind of a Ben Drowned kinda situation, I’m not completely sure.”

He blinked, “okay, I only understood a few of those words, but—”

“It’s a Freddy teddy bear that really wanted me to take it to Hurricane, okay?” You really were at the end of your rope at the moment, “I have literally driven here for days straight on no sleep and barely any food and I need this Unauthorized Fucking Thing to find it’s eternal peace or kill me in some horrible way so I can hurry up and get on with my goddamn life,”

“Uh, see… the thing is,” he started to retreat back again, slowly moving his hands like he was trying to calm down a spooked animal.

 You realized what was about to happen, and it must have been visible in your eyes, since his huge unnatural placating smile returned,

“I actually don’t want anything to do with that, sooo…”

“PLEASE—” you reached out in blind panic, but he dodged it. (now if only you could’ve dodged the scooper like that Mikey)

The door slammed in your face.

Your breathing was ragged and fogged up the glass as he locked it again. You stared up at those glowing pinprick pupils of his as he gave you an apologetic little wave goodbye. And then he fucking made a big show of pointing at the closed sign before turning tail to disappear back into the darkness of the empty restaurant.

Okay.

Just a little setback. You’ll go to the older location first, now, and come back when this asshole is sleeping. Can’t be too hard to bust out one of those windows, and you doubt he has an alarm set up already. It’s his fault, really. If he didn’t want property damage, then he should’ve just let you in. Not like you haven’t warned him that you were desperate or anything.

Just gonna go to the other location. You’ve got your map, you’ve got a tank full of gas, and you’ve got chutzpah.

Now what you don’t have? Is a car that will start.

[onskepa]

Hey there, you've been writing good stuff so I thought I'd leave an ask.

Maybe a headcannon on Na'vi having favorite humans? Like Ikran riders have favorite pilots or healers like discussing healing with doctors/scientists? Like yeah humans are weird but my favorite human is clearly great and it's ironically the same among humans?

Hello there! Thank you for requesting and enjoying what I write. This is actually a nice idea, hopefully this is good for everyone to enjoy!

-----------------------------

All as one

The loyal humans that stayed after the war had much to learn and adapt to their new home. Without the continuing outside resources, the humans had to be VERY creative in means to survive.

One of the things they were very grateful to have left behind was the many machines and other stuff. Metals were recycled and machines broken down to be reused for other purposes.

Since the human base wasn't that far to where the village was at, it was all too common now for the humans to assist the na'vi in reconstructing their home.

The relationship between na'vi and humans at first was wary and very tense. Not all na'vi trusted the remaining humans, still traumatized of the attacks, the killings, the lose of their people.

With the help of jake, things were slowly becoming normal. As normal as it can get.

As many people were injured, healers were much needed. And even then, there weren't enough to heal everyone. That is where the medical scientists came in. Basically doctors.

Of course not many were very welcoming to the humans, thinking of the worse especially with technology the na'vi cant understand.

Took some convincing but the doctors were able to heal more of the na'vi and at a faster paste. Better than the na'vi healers.

Surprisingly, it didnt create jealousy but rather the healers were impressed. And piqued their interest.

The healers and the doctors were the first to step aside their obvious differences and get to know each other. Learn from one another.

The healers taught the doctors their ways of healing, what plants to use, which herb is used for what, the materials, what healing method to use for a certain injury. The paste, the tools, all of that. And the doctors ate up all the information and began to use the na'vi style of healing.

But also, the doctors showed the healers some technology use of medical practices should in case the injured person is too far from the healing tent or the person doesn't have enough medical herbs to heal.

The information exchanged moved from skills to general life questions.

And they weren't the only ones to get along.

Warriors and soldiers. Now they were an interesting pair.

Both trained to fight in the front lines. Both went through horrendous trainings to get to where they wanted, up most loyalty to their people. Knows the ins and outs in a battle field. Willing to die for others.

When those two groups got to know one another, they learn both humans and na'vi aren't so different in those perspectives.

And much like the healers with the doctors. Both the soldiers and warriors would exchange information of how to use different weapons.

The humans showing possible weak spots on their armor and machines, where to hit and what weapons the na'vi use.

And all in between, the normal human workers and the local na'vi also come together as means to balance out one another. Share personal stories, interests, hobbies and a keen friendship

The union was definitely one of the centuries to remember. The communal dinners became bigger and more lively. The soldiers did their part of the hunt thus bringing in more meat and more spices, herbs, fruit, all of that.

There is never a night that isn't boring with the humans. Now seen as their brothers and sisters at arms. Seen as family.

The humans are part of the clan and part of the ever thriving tribe. Part as one, and as one with the people.

And that is it with this one! Hope you all like it! Until next time! see ya!

[freakinator]

I've been wondering for a long time. How would you characterise Wemmbu? How he seems in your eyes, your opinion of the guy. I hope I don't sound weird or crazy.

aw dw anon its okay to be curious ^^

regarding my characterization of wemmbu, while there is a lot of consistency in how he acts since hes an improv rper and therefore generally just acts as a polished/exaggerated version of his own self, there are still a few differences in how he acts depending on what smp hes in

general: smarmy, quite pathetic but tries his best to hide it until he literally cant anymore, opportunistic, petty, truthful in that kind of way that makes you doubt him, not quite black and white thinking but can switch up fast when someone does something that presses his buttons (doesnt necessarily trigger when someones just being mean, its specific kinds of things -- mostly has something to do with pride and trust), has a desire to be on top of things but whether or not he indulges in that desire depends on his overall plans and the kind of server hes in, silly but in a lowkey way as in like he presents himself as a normal person which works but only if you dont look closer, lowkey cringey in that uwu kinda way (affectionate), good at one-on-one yapping esp if hes confident & knows more about the situation than the other person but starts to crumble if its either him vs a group or if hes genuinely not confident about something, willing to sacrifice so much just to achieve his goals whatever they may be

kings smp: more opportunistic and a lot more willing to lie & manipulate & betray, crab mentality very high but he holds it back since indulgin in all of it at once isnt very good for his plans

challenge smps: like kings smp but even More willing to lie & manipulate & betray, has a stronger crab mentality since the whole point of the smp is to win and he really wants to win and he knows he wont be seeing these ppl in this context again anyway so hes willing to do whatever it takes even if it means betraying his allies, << does Not apply to team challenges btw he will be very loyal until hes given a reason to betray such as believing the others are betraying them first

lifesteal smp: had a good grasp of what it means to be a lifestealer right from the get go but has struggled a bit in figuring out what that means for him exactly so he still has a bit of that new guy stench if you get what i mean (this characterization becomes less and less prominent the later in the timeline it is), has been very loyal thus far and is more than happy to point that out, average level of lifestealer aggressiveness, i like to parallel him with zam mirror-style due to them having opposite thought processes but coming to similar conclusions (pic below of unfinished draft ive had for ages cause idk how to word my thoughts regarding this properly other than 'the vibes')

unstableverse: very obvious mirror parallel to zam that i honestly wouldnt be surprised if it was on purpose, kinda hard talking about his motivations and character devoid of context regarding zam considering he spent 4 out of 5 eps as a major character (even when he isnt actually there lmao) and wemmbu spent 3 of those 4 eps obsessing over him but i will try my best, can be a bit of a stalker but only if he really cares about whatever it is the guy hes stalking is doing/potentially doing, no empathy (affectionate), generally doesnt care that much about individual players but when he gets attached he gets Attached for better or worse, zeroes in on his goals even to his own and others' detriment, a lot more pathetic than in other smps or at least has a harder time hiding his patheticness, also may just be me but i think hes more pessimistic?? not entirely sure tho

overall i think hes pretty neat! pretty cute and silly but also devious and mischievous, if i could shake him in a can i would

[hausofmamadas]

SE LA ARRANCA A MORDIDAS | mystery of Amado's anonymous lady-hustlers, solved

⁂

Holy father who art in heaven, do I have some fucking cracked ass head-canon nonsense for us to👏🏽 day👏🏽 …………….. let’s get to it shall we??

so idk if anyone anyone being the largely nonexistent narcos fandom aka the void Im speaking into remembers that one scene from Narcos in S3 where sleazy!OG!Amado told that one story about those sex workers who robbed him blind, mid-mamadita?

anyone ..... no?

dwdwdw that's okay bc I brought some visual aids to assist in our collective remembrance of this glorious occasion

⁂

The scene starts like this: 👇

Okay, yeah, right? legendary? legendary. just truly legendary behavior skfjskj on all fronts. but the identities of these social justice warriors— no wait activists— no wait, crusad— er no, patriarchy demolishers? iconic crimies with a penchant for for mid-fellatic felonies like armed robbery have been completely anonymous thus far.

…………… until now.

Bc as always, Narcoverse papis Doug Miro, Andrés Baiz, and Carlo Bernard, never fail to fill in the blanks except when they do cause Griselda left a lot to be desired and this is arguably the best ep of the show which, yeah. it’s never ideal when the best ep of a 6ep limited series is the 2nd one si me entiendes😬😬😬 but we digress because im 99.99999999999999% sure if these two sex workers from Griselda aren’t also the two legends who hustled Amado’s dick money out his pants pockets without having to fire so much as a single shot, I’m fairly certain they’re at least inspired by and carrying the torch aka bottling and distilling that Big Dick Energy to perfection of those brave women.

What gave me this idea? So glad you asked dear reader you didn’t but we’ll just pretend you did cause this my haus KEKW…. No like even I rolled my eyes at my own self for that but i couldn’t refrain either.

It all happened when I was nursing my new obsession with a one, Mr. Darío Sepúlveda a name I would most certainly believe to be fucking fake were he not an irl human bean.

👇👇 THIS slice of sweet, cherry pie right tf here

And I stumbled upon this one specific part, where the look on this chick’s face is SO FUCKINGKDHDHDGWVE SIMILAR to Amado’s face, when he’s explaining 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇how the burgling commences when the gurgling is interrupted by with an uncomfortable silence, as this chick proceeds to, hog still in mouth, cease any and all throat activity and fuckingskdfjskl just stare. up. at. him.

all 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Like tell me homegirl’s face here👇👇 👇👇 doesn’t look just like it????????????

YOU CANTSJSHSJSHWUS YOU cANT. EVIDENCE IS IRREFUTABLE.

Anyway. Movingright along.

So, if aforementioned homegirl is the 🙇🏻‍♀️ from la historia del grande señor de los cielos, then that makes this ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️ ... homegirl’s accomplice

with the👇👇sidearm

and like the general only slightly subtle "I eat dicks like urs for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack" vibes that this duo is serving throughout but esp below bc never will I ever not refer to a fuckboy as mancito from now until I'm in my grave alsdkjfa like MANCITO. THE WAY SHE SAYS IT WITH SUCH ALSKDJFKS CONTEMPT, CAN YOU STAND IT????? makes it so clear in my mind's eye how they could 100000000000%% be the unnamed heroes thieves from Amado's little story

also full 180 just on the low but can we all moment of silence for this 👇👇 FUCKINGSDLDFJ LOOK ON DARIO'S FACE WHEN SHE CORRECTS HIM, "quien te dijo eso? ... un mancito?" LIKE HE FUCKIGNSLDFKJSLKJ KNOWS, HE KNOWS HE HAS ERRED ON THIS PATH, HE KNOWS HE CANNOT PASS GO, CANNOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS AND HE HAS THE GOOD SENSE TO BE GRACIOUS ABOUT IT AND IMAS;DFLIJA;LWEJF;KAJWE;FAKJ; SFUCKINGS DFKLJSLDF JA;K CRYING, SCREAMING, THROWING UP, INCONSOLABLE. LIKE LOOK. AT THIS. OKAY, THAT A MAN, NO MANCITO

*smacks own face, jiggles head back and forth, takes deep breath* anyway.... back to the story

and this is where this prob super unhinged really solidifies bc let's join hands class and pledge alliegance to the most impressive and noteworthy alpha but in the most non-cringe way assertion of dominance I have ever fucking witnessed in all my days. Like, legit the next time i'm into a dude the way i say this like it's not an 'if' bc RIP to my love life lbr fuck all that playing coy, fuck all that flirting. We just gonna get right to the point bc imma climb all over his lap, purr in his face, and ask about his hobbies like it's the 1978 equivalent of a Hinge profile SKSKKSK

and the next time I am spurned I will absolutely grab his junk in a naked hahahaksdjfk grab for a proper leash power to gain the upper hand in the situation and shame any and all menfolk who claim to not like me bc I'm not their 'type.' which like sksjsjsjs admittedly poor Dario just said that as a pretense to get the chisme from the chick who hates Grislenda bc the look of unconcealed regret on his face when Mistress Mamma Crotch Snatcher Morton gets up seems like a good indicator he would've paid to play with his balls

BUT LIKE SIDE BY SIDE WITH AMADO GETTING TO THE metaphorical CLIMAX bc I sincerely doubt they let him bust, mid-robbery OF HIS STORY, CAN WE NOT SEE HOW CLEARLY THESE TWO WOMEN WERE THE ONES WHO JACKED AMADO OFF– NO WAIT THEY DECIDEDLY DID NOT DO THAT ALL OF AMADO’S SHIT, LIKE CAUGHT PAPI WITH HIS ACTUAL PANTS DOWN SKSJSB

and lest any of us were convinced that Lady "Hijueputa Mandona Esa" who hates Griselda wasn't the one holding the gun on Toque, telling Amado she's gonna have her friend chew clear through his disco stick like some froot by the foot, please refer to exhibit B here ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️where she's manspreading for jesus in these fucking hot pants. I mean try to tell me that ain't power. c'mon

AND THEN THE WAY SHE FUCKINGSLDFKJSL HUSTLES DARIO FOR EXTRA CASH, ALL "you gotta pay me more than that pittance bc yeah, she were a mouthy bitch but I didn't hate her that bad" ensuring he had no choice but to leave a tip, just like our pobre mujeriego, himbo extraordinaire, Sleazy!OG!Amado

And if this isn't the most iconic reminder to tip your servers, folks which everyone should be doing already I truly don't know what is.

═

taglist: @ashlingnarcos @tofuwildcard @narcolini @drabbles-mc

[cafe-smut]

I'm having . . . Angst fic ideas

For whatever reason, royal delegation from Briar Valley visits Sunset Savannah. So our 4 Diasomnia are the main party here. They get there, Leona is there to greet them, as expected. Then the king suggests since they're schoolmates, he show them around. Neither Malleus or Leona like this idea at all, but Malleus is too princely to object and Leona just does it without saying anything. The toue is actually quite good. Lilia and Malleus manage to throw in a few taunts and insults about him being more capable of such a simple task than they'd thought, considering how lazy he is. It's normal fighting for them. The next morning when breakfast is brought, the servants chatter a bit about Leona and laugh at him.

Malleus is mildly surprised to hear such blatant disrespect but it's not bad by any sense and they brush it off. The first day passes but everywhere they go in the palace, there's always quiet whispers and laughter about Leona. Nd none of it is in jest, it's cruel. And kept far away from the ears of the royal family. Except for Leona himself, who is scarcely seen at all by the delegation.

By the end d of the day Malleus is off put in a way that has the trio concerned. "Kingscholar is many things, but he is still their prince and deserves respect for his status and power. Why does he not demand it?"

"Because it would just make it worse." It's a servant who entered the room with a snack for them that answers. "Me and my folks all worked here basically my whole life. It was ok when he was a boy, but when his magic manifested, and he got his scar, everything changed. I'm not a big fan of him myself, but he's a good prince. Not the best, but when he nearly died more than once, when he did used to try to change peoples minds, I cant blame him for not even bothering any more."

"What do you mean?"

"Aside from the assassination attempt that nearly took his life and gave him that scar over his eye less than a year after his magic presented? He's attempted to take his own life more than once. The king only knows of one time. He was quite distraught over it, attempted to make it right and made it so that no one could speak ill of his brother. It only made everyone keep their tongues tight around him and the royal family. Except for Prince Leona himself. Thus, every other attempt has been called cry for attention by the doctors and the truth hidden from him. The advisors of the king and queen know we will keep our mouths shut, what choice do we have? We still have livelihoods and protecting him isn't gonna help us any. He ain't tried since right after the young prince was born anyways, so it's fine." And then the servant is gone. And Malleus is both furious and extremely distraught.

How wrongly has he judged Leona Kingscholar for the results of a life of torment from others? And how has he himself contributed to that without realizing?

[hymn-of-muse]

Not My Flower.

a Yasha x Reader requested by @botanicalbard

"tell me, bard. you've been seen with the nein quite often, you're familiar with them, yes? tell me all you know of them." a man demanded in a low tone, face obscured by shadow in the dimly lit room.

you'd left the tavern after you and your friends had a few drinks, all you wanted was a bit of fresh air as the ale started to take affect on you. you we not expecting, however, to be grabbed from behind and dragged into the alleyway next to the tavern, a hand silencing you and arms holding you firm so you couldnt run away.

the next thing you knew, you found yourself in a small room, windows covered up and the lighting too dim to make out any doorway outline, unless it was behind where you sat on a stool, ankles restrained and hands tied at the wrist around the support beam you were leaning against.

a man, clearly trying to intimidate you into talking about your friends weaknesses and secrets, stood over you with his arms crossed. you could hear someone in the corner shift, so you knew it wasnt just him here.

"i'll ask you again-"

"no i heard you" you interrupted "im just not sure what it is specifically you want to know, i mean theyre a lovely bunch, sure, but you cant just be so vague, do you want me to give you an introduction for each individual? i can do that in song!" you told him smugly

"what?" he gave a confused look upon your sudden compliance "no-no, no songs, just tell me-"

"are you sure? i got a really good one! oh! or i could sing you a tale of the mighty nein's greatest adventures thus far! what a brave and interesting party of beings they are, like this one time-"

"stop that!" the man snapped, agitated by your interruptions and clear attempt at stalling him for more time. "enough of your games, bard, just tell me what i ask of you and nothing more. if you comply, we'll consider letting you go unharmed. got it?"

"come on, you went through all this effort and all you want is a little information? why not a whole story, huh? not even one song? all you want is small talk? thats so boooring" you groaned, putting emphasis on the 'o' in boring.

the man gave a grunt of frustration as he grabbed hold of your shirt collar and got all threatening in your face. "shut up! just tell me each of their weaknesses, secrets, some information i can ACTUALLY use!"

"one, ew your breath smells. two, nah thats lame. besides, by now they likely know im gone and will come looking for me. you made a huge mistake thinking i was a good kidnapping choice." you chuckled, still smug as ever.

"yeah? what makes you so sure they'll find you?" he grumbled.

"because the barbarian's my girlfriend, and she can get really physical when shes angry"

"heh, you think youre safe? youre not going anywhere till i get something outta you" he glared, raising a fist to throw a punch just when the door swung open with a crash, breaking it off its hinges.

in the doorway now stood yasha after she'd kicked in the door, the light outside illuminating the room and as she stepped in with heavy foot falls, the anger on her face was clear as day. she gave an icy cold glare to the man who's fish was frozen in the air.

"how did you..?" the other person in the corner finally spoke up with a weak voice.

"your neighbors made a noise complaint" yasha stated, storming closer to the man who threatened you a minute before as he stumbled back and reached for a weapon to defend himself with.

when he tried to swing a club at her, she grabbed it and tore it out of his hands, tossing it to the side and grabbing him by the arm. she swung him around and threw him into the other person, knocking them both out on impact when the hit the wall.

"are you hurt?" yasha asked you as she quickly moved to undo your restraints, a gentle hand moving to the side of your face to make sure you were alright. the look of concern on her face said everything.

"i knew you'd find me" you smiled sweetly at her, leaning your head into her warm hand as her shoulders dropped in relief.

"of course i did. i wouldnt let anyone hurt you." she spoke with a light chuckle to her voice, hoisting you into her arms and walking out of the room as she carried you. "not my flower."

reblogs are appreciated! im sorry this took a while to get done! /g

[streaminn]

Hmm.. Have you guys ever heard of the word bitching in an omegaverse context?

I was thinking of my scent blind au where enid so desperately wished she could've been an alpha so she would be right for wednesday during heaven and back

Content warning for straight up Addams obsession, delusional thoughts and Wednesday lowkey going to the deep end to make sure her and Enid get together even if it meant biologically changing herself

Bc yknow how Addams don't do things in halves, right? It's a whole fanon thing and I'm pretty sure there's signs of it in the show.

It starts like this, Enid is an alpha and Wednesday is a beta.

Simple facts, so very chill. They're still roommates, theyre older now and everything is OK

Except ever since Enid presented, having been a late bloomer like the show, she's been.. Different.

Wednesday isn't stupid, sure she may not have the safe rabid instincts as an omega or an alpha but she can smell well for a beta and she can see the way Enid's face will soften at any distressed omega nearby

It's irritatingly sweet, the way Enid would try to calm them down with her own scent. Except, since she's so new, she forgets how easily safety could equal something else

After the third time Enid has gotten accosted in the way to the dorm room, Wednesday quite frankly was irritated. She would love to stab those pesky students and go on her day but that meant showing that she was bothered

And Wednesday Addams wasn't bothered by anything, why should she? So what, her roommate is simply popular, it happens

Except, there's a part of her that feels wrong whenever she sees yoko drape herself over Divina. She eyes the way the omega would purr and how Divina would roll her eyes yet nose at her hair.

It's sickenly sweet

It's what her parents have it's what she wants with Enid

Being a beta in this au meant three things. One, you don't have an intoxicating scent and thus getting a mate is a tons more harder. Two, you're not built to take an alpha, it's a biological thing and three, the chances of getting a kid is all the more lower

Which is what most alphas would want

It's what Enid would want

So practically everything is against Wednesday. She can't entice Enid like most can do, she is literally not built for her and she knows of how Enid wishes for a family

Wednesday quite frankly isn't the type to wish for a family, quite aware of how troublesome it is but she's willing to change that for Enid

Anything for Enid, for the woman with nothing yet still tried to give her everything

Anything for her.

So, once again, it starts with the internet

Wednesday is ashamed, how far has she fallen to seek for reassurance that beta and alpha relationships could happen? Pretty badly, because when she scrolls and ignores the sobbing cries of beta's feeling inadequate in random blogs, she finds a reply to a rather sad post

It was a question of "pls guys, my alpha keeps looking at others instead of me. I know that I cant entice him like they can but surely there's smth I can do!?"

There were assurances in the replies, others saying that it's not the OP's fault that their alpha couldn't keep their nose to themself until one catches her eyes

It was a reply from a deleted user.

"have you ever thought of being bitched? You wouldn't fully be an omega but you'll pass as one to him and isn't that what matters in the end?"

The thoughts of other users below that were outraged. Whatever this bitching is, it's clearly taboo.

But those words.. "pass as one"

It's not the answer she wanted, but it's close enough.

It's enough to make Wednesday stay up and scour the internet all the more. She delved deeper into chat rooms, posing as an alpha with a kink because the more she went, the more she noted that whatever this is isn't normal at all. She couldn't come in regularly, else she risk losing actual good information

Bitching, from what she's seen, is the process of changing ones second status to an omega. Usually done against someone's will because who would want to willingly bitch themselves? Who would dare degrade themself into smth they weren't born too?

Me, Wednesday thinks as she notes it down. I would.

This is all she did for the next few days, staring at the pc and noting down as much as she could.

She got dragged out once or twice by a concerned Enid because ofcourse she did. The alpha has always been so caring, making sure to knock before cracking it open to ask if they'd like to eat together at the diner that just opened up

Wednesday agrees, she always does and so Wenclair set out. It's times like these where everything else fades away to nothing, status doesn't matter and it's imply just the two of them

Until the waiter comes in, all sly smiles and neck bared. Enid sniffs and Wednesday stops herself from stabbing her fork into the omega's throat when she sees those gorgeous blue eyes of enid's dilate

Don't look at anyone else, Wednesday wants to scream. You don't need them, I'm right here- But she can't do that, so she digs her nails into her palms as she slips into her thoughts

What happens in the diner is enough of a reminder that she needs to do this.

In the end of the weekend, Wednesday has finally concluded her research. The deleted user was right, she wouldn't be an omega but she sure will pass as one.

Her fertility will be the same but she can start producing the same addicting aroma and slick that entices all alpha's once she's done with the process

It sounds all well and dandy except it takes months to a whole year or two of constant dedication to get these results. It irates Wednesday but luckily, if the beta is reciprocating, the outcome is said to be all the more simpler, effective and overall efficient.

Wednesday couldn't stop a smile from growing as she eyes the last few words of her research.

if the beta in question was being bitched to the scent of one alpha in particular, then once the bitching was complete, both parties would become biologically attracted to one another’s scents and be driven to mate.

That was the confirmation wednesday needed, she would literally be made for Enid and Enid would have no choice but to realize it too once it was all over.

And finally, the best part:

all of the required steps could actually be accomplished without the alpha's participation or awareness

Good.

Anyways, degenerate Wednesday..? Love that, she can be such a creep and id like to build on it. If you wanna see more do send an ask! Aight thanks peace

Here's the continuation to this post where Wednesday gets what she wants

[k9effect]

It's so funny thinking about the tgm escape scene in the last act after having worked at an airport as a ground handler for the past six months. Cause that whole scene where they air start the tomcat? Yeah, air starts are LOUD. Mind you I only work around A320/A321's and 737's thus far and not fighter jets but we wear protective equipment (ear muffs) around the planes at all times for a reason. We have super hornets fly over occasionally and those are so so so much louder than anything we deal with. I cant imagine how loud an air start on an F-18 would be. There is NO WAY that Mav and Roo could have started that fighter with an air start without having alerted any of the enemies near by. Yes, the enemies were all distracted with having just been bombed but it would have been so fucking loud to kickstart that jet.

Also that air start was so fast too. Roo held one button for like two seconds and they were good to go, it takes like a solid minute or two for the air starts at work to take. Once again, could just be that its different aircraft but I still think it's funny.

Not a criticism of the movie, I just think its funny and I like comparing cinema to things I have irl experience with. And thats just the thing, it's cinema, it doesn't have to be 100% real, still a fantastic movie even with this new outlook I've got on the aviation industry!

[crowns-of-violets-and-roses]

Pale Goblins (and friends) as dril tweets

Cherrypop: just found out about Object Permanence… why didnt any one tell me about this shit

Biscuit: drunk driving may kill a lot of people, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,

Flopsy: awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far

Sporghog: sending my most powerful kisses to all pregnant women fire fighers

America: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

Bagnut: oh you say you’re going to fuck me? you’re going to try to fuck me, through the computer? Well i say this, and that is “Game on”

Peckersnot: the only A+ i ever got was from that time in art class when i drew venus & serena willaims clobbering the. shit out of me with their rackets

Doglick: how do i get cowboy paint off a dog

Tatty Bo Jangles: “jail isnt real,” i assure myself as i close my eyes and ram the hallmark gift shop with my shitty bronco

Ramjam: i lvoe and cherish all of the girls of this site, and other websites.  you all become my wife more and more with each passing day. Thank you

Gashwad: id love to get attacked by a bird. id love for a bird to try to fight me. id love to smash it to bits with my bare hands.

Toadswallow: i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch

Snatchragged: if a sniper shot me i owuld run over to where he is and kick the gun out of his hand and kill him because hes not specialized in melee fight

Bubbleyum: what would you do if i unlocked 100% of my true brain?  Nothing. you would be fucked

Lewdtube: do not be afraid to talk to that lonely boy on the train … with the rosy red cheeks, sun glasses & big cigar… he just mmight be… angel

Bluntmunch: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

Kittycough: two handfuls of kitty litter taken from the beautiful hollywood home of sports broadcaster Dick Vitale , for $100 or best offer

Breastbiter the Chonk: joke’s on you; i actually love being body slammed by one dozen perfect wrestlers. and my mouth isn’t filled with bloodm, it’s victory wine

Liberty: DOCTOR: you cant keep doing this to yourself. being The Last True Good Boy online will destroy you. you must stop posting with honor ME: No,

Slaygarrrrrr Who Slavishly Slays: my name is “ GAMER FUCKER ” and i was sent to FUCK all the gamers…

Flopsy (again): awfully bold of you to retweet my “bad year” tweet on a year that has been extremely good thus far

Avery: strongest blade in the world, howeve,r it is so fragile as to shatter when handled by any force other than the delicate touch of a lesbian .

Snowdrop: Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that

[sagemoderocklee]

Hello, I hope you’re feeling well :).

I just wanted to have your opinion about Temari x Shikamaru? I love the way you write about them. I think Kishimoto would be jealous lol.

I also cannot wait for your updates, especially for “The Art of Love”. Please take care!

^///^ thank you so much anon! for the compliment and the well wishes!

all updates are currently only being done through my fundraising campaign for Palestinian families, but if you would like to see TAoL updated, that IS one of the fics that can be sponsored! The next chapter of TAoL is estimated at around 15k words for a total of $60USD in donations, which do not have to be all one person donating! I hope you'll consider donating to help families!

i absolutely LOVE ShikaTema and i love writing them into all my fics, even when they are barely there. their relationship had so much potential and then boruto ruined it.

kishimoto's problem--and thus Naruto's (and Boruto's) problem--will always be misogyny. i love all the girls (minus hinata), but no matter how bad ass or fun he makes them, they always suffer under misogyny (including Hinata), and so do their relationships--especially the romantic ones.

and this is getting extremely rambly so more under the cut

i think shikamaru and temari suffer more in boruto than in classic or Shippuden--i'd even go so far as to say that relationship suffers the most out of all the ones presented to us because the building blocks in Naruto/Shippuden never supported what Boruto delivered--but i cant speak broadly on that since i refuse to engage with boruto beyond some old silly jokes about metal looking like gaara. i do know through just hearing about it that temari gets the like the shrill, overbearing wife treatment, and obviously she went from being an active duty shinobi to being a housewife, which is so insulting.

if anything, shikamaru should be the stay at home parent. temari should continue her diplomacy work, she should not have just up and left her village for good, and she shouldn't be treated like an overbearing wife.

my preference is to always have Temari and Shikamaru split their time in Suna and Konoha. Shikamaru might ultimately end up being a stay-at-home dad but i do think he still wouldn't abandon his duties as the head of his clan. he'd have a proxy for when he's not in Konoha, but they'd still need to report to him regularly while he's in Suna, and he could always be recalled back to Konoha for big issues within the clan. i think at a certain point he does retire from being a shinobi to focus on the kids, while still being willing to be like a consultant for strategy if need be

but ultimately i think Shikamaru is just a wife guy. i think that's what was being set up for us. Shikamaru being this dumb pre-teen kid who thought girls were gross and was falling into these misogynistic ideas, only to have his world view rocked by Temari. i think she's the catalyst for his growth but not the sole reason for it. i think it was just like the women around him on a daily basis and his own just like growth as a person, but he needed someone to come in to put the first chink in the armor, so to speak. Temari was someone he didn't really know or have any notions about beyond her being a girl and what that meant to a 12 year old boy.

once she proved to defy his expectations and also challenge him, i think that's where he starts to grow.

i think temari and shikamaru's relationship has to be built on equity, respect, and understanding, which kishimoto and anyone else writing these relationships don't grasp.

one thing that should have been emphasized more, imo, is that Temari is on par with Shikamaru. i think she's a genius too, but she's not as lazy and bored by the world as he is, and i think that challenges him. i think she's interesting to him because she's his equal, and often times his better. like she pushes him. he's a lazy mf, but he's brilliant; she's brilliant AND not a lazy mf. she's driven, she's passionate, she's funny, she's playful, she's a lil mean sometimes but has a big heart...

like deadass shikamaru should WORSHIP the ground she walks on. he should be so in love with her, but he always keeps it close to the chest. he's not like tryna play it cool he's just like that. it's not like he's scared or even embarrassed, i just think he's reserved in how he shows that to he world, which works well cause i dont think temari is publicly very lovey-dovey either.

i think temari is just as in love with him--again equity and so on--but i do think she also has other priorities like her career. i think shikamaru could give a rat's ass about being a shinobi and the only thing he really cares about related to shinobi work is his teammates and his clan, but that's still all wrapped up in duty. temari is his choice. which i think is something that anyone from a clan really would be drawn to--clans are about duty, shinobi life is about duty. but loving someone outside of the clan, choosing who you marry--that's choice and that's freeing.

i think temari is freedom for shikamaru, and she needs freedom from him. he's not overbearing. he's not insecure. he's willing to do shit a lotta other guys wouldn't do--like be a stay-at-home dad. and he loves her without reservation and without expectation. i think for temari, expectation is the root of all evil.

she's the daughter of the 4th Kazekage, people expect things from her because of that. she's a shinobi--a kunoichi--a woman, so people expect certain things from her because of that.

get married. retire early. have kids. can't be too ambitious. not allowed on the council. so on and so on.

all these gendered expectations of her from the world around her, but not from Shikamaru.

like obviously he does wanna marry her and have kids, but it's not a demand. he never expects her to do anything she doesn't wanna do. and it's not like she doesnt want kids. she absolutely wants to get married and have a family, but she also wants her ambition. her career. her passion. she wants to change the world alongside Gaara, not sit idly by while the men in her life do and do and do.

shikamaru gives her that. she defied expectations because she didn't marry a man from Wind, she didn't retire, she's having kids who'll have dual loyalties which means from the council's pov her children aren't viable heirs to the Kazekage title, she retains all of her ambitions and passions and keeps fighting for the equity of women in the shinobi world.

Shikamaru is for Temari, what she is for him. he challenges her as much as she challenges him; he gives her what she needs from a partner, as much as she gives him what he needs. emotionally, mentally, and physically they both challenge the other, support the other, and understand the other.

they just make a good team. they make each other stronger and smarter and better, and they make each other happy.

anyways, this is all really rambly. not feelin that great today so i hope this rambling mess is fun to read!

thanks for the ask and for reading my fics <3

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okayyyy hear me out. d word matty sick fic either before or in the early days of them getting together officially. matty spotting u at work Clearly unwell and having to physically drag you out, insisting all the while ur fine despite yacking in the work toilet like 5 minutes prior. confiscating your laptop so you cant try go answer emails. dodging ur attempts at work chat for the next couple days as ur getting better

oh yes ok so you're like right on the cusp of dating matty - you've hung out a couple of times and it's been sweet but platonic and quite frankly you're both desperate to see each other more often and more seriously. which makes it all the more awkward when you take ill at work and he clocks it - he rocks up like 2 hours after you start to find you sitting at your desk, skin greying a little bit, wearing your cardigan and denim jacket indoors yet still shivering, despite it being literally early june. and he's immediately side-eyeing like "you alright, sweetheart?", to which you're like "mhmm just chilly", and matty's like "hmm ok"; it's a tuesday and it's really quiet in the office, so he sets up his laptop at another desk nearby and keeps an eye on you while he responds to emails and whatnot, unconvinced that you're actually alright. and he's right to think that and be concerned - you're visibly shaky walking over to file something, and then at one point without warning you clap your hand over your mouth and run to the bathroom. when you come back, looking horrid, matty's like "you're not alright, darlin', i think you should just go home", and you're shaking your head like "nope it's fine i'm fine i'll stay. i think i just ate something weird a couple of days ago. no big deal", but literally three seconds later a wave of nausea hits you so hard that you have to grab the bin from under your desk in case you throw up again; you don't, but it's enough for matty to put his foot down and say "nope, i'm giving you a lift home right now". and you're like "no really it's fine. if i have to go i'll just get the tube" and matty's aghast like "you're going to get the tube when you feel like shit? do you want to fucking die? come on, babe". he's got a point - the thought of puking on the tube is a horrible one - but you're still like "i just don't want to inconvenience you, matty. and also, like, what if i yosh in your car? that would be awful", and matty says "you're never an inconvenience to me, sweetheart, really. just want to make sure you're ok". you swear his eyes soften when he says that, and your heart flutters as the two of you smile sweetly at each other - the moment ends quickly, though, as you double over with a stomach cramp and matty's like "actually, maybe bring that bin with you to the car, just in case", before he helps you gather up your shit and ushers you out to his car. you tell him your address (you're quite excited and a bit relieved to hear him say "oh, that's not too far from me! this is the way i'd drive home anyway, babe. and we're on the same train line"), and thus begins the journey; it takes slightly longer than expected because of roadworks and traffic, which matty repeatedly apologises for, but you're both secretly grateful for the extra time spent together, listening to one of matty's insane playlists and chatting, so much so that you actually feel sad when he turns onto your street.

he parks outside your house and carries your bag to the door for you sweetly; less sweetly, though, he does make you forfeit your laptop "so you can't sneak on and work while you're meant to be getting better. don't you try to argue, sweetheart, i know what you're like". you blush at that, which makes matty giggle - after that, he hugs you and kisses your head, running back to his car before you can even react to the affection and promising to check in with you later. and he does; he calls you after dinner that night to see how you're feeling, and you can hear him rolling his eyes when you say "good. haven't eaten, but i've stopped puking, at least. should be fine to come to work tomorrow". matty's like "oh my god please just focus on feeling better, babe, work can wait. in fact, i'm putting a moratorium on work chat. tell me what you thought of my playlist in the car instead", which makes you laugh, and the conversation is just unprofessional after that. he even pops round with flowers on his way home from work the next day - you berate him for going out of his way just to see you, but you're very touched that he would (and lowkey mortified that this is how he's seeing the flat for the first time, you being an invalid). when you tell matty as much (not the bit about the flat), he blushes and shrugs like "like i said, sweetheart, you're on my route home. and i like seeing you, and talking to you" - he takes a nervous drink of his tea and then says "maybe we should start commuting to work together, once you're feeling better. makes sense, if we live near each other. and i know my mornings would be better if you were the first person i saw after i woke up". you smile back just as shyly like "i'd like that. get you on the half 8 train tomorrow?", and matty's like "it's a date" <3