#i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did

[yellowocaballero]

Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?

Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!

I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.

I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.

I am going to talk about the prologue.

The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.

Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.

But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.

They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.

I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?

Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.

Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.

At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.

What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.

It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.

But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.

ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?

When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.

[ganondoodle]

totk cataclysm event wasnt just a great (but utterly missed) opportunity to change the map in techincally little ways that has drastic consequences both in stakes and in gameplay (like i mentioned before, flooding the gerudo desert would have meant devastating consequences for its ecosystem- like imagine little islands of sand still poking out, acting as a sort of last doomed refuge for sandseals- but also cahnged the entire gameplay of it, good chance to introduce some neat new ways to surf on water like a new ridable creature or an ice shield freezing a path while you surf on it, the gerudo being forced to save the city from drowing in various means or now living on the roofs, trying to adapt by building boats ect - also call back to older games?? since totk loves that so much ..-, vah naboris serving as the savest refuge being high above the water, even if non functional; similarly takign away ALL water from the zora region, gaving it all dry out would imemdiately turn into something way different and could mean death for the zora- forcing them to move to the lower parts of akkala for example- maybe vah ruta is still halfway functioning bc the faith the zora have to mipha, dorephan and sidon is, while not enough to keep it fully functional, but enough to generate some water so the most stubborn or brave zora set up around it like a last oasis; i know its somewhat done with death mountain but the gorons dont really suffer from it bc their only problem is a drugged rock that makes them mean and lazy ..- what about collapsing or exploding it, leaving a large crater that over the course of the game could start to grow with plant life since vulcanic earth is so fertile- some never seen before ones that was dormant in the lava and now that its cooled off is springing to life, which might seem good at first but for the area and its wildlife means loss of their habitat; the rito freezing over, but actually having to move, maybe into the tabantha canyon, building their new makeshift homes in between the walls of it- generally just switiching things around a bit would have done so much wihtout having to edit every last detail ((seriously tho, how did this game take so long given that botw took similar but they did that ENTIRE main map as detailed as it is AND made it all coherent with itself and its themes- im ranting again ..)

-but it ALSO would have been the perfect opportunity to introduce new weather types created by the sudden change in environment, somethign like a super strong wind that slows you when walking agaisnt and lets you jump much farther when with it- a darkness thing that clouds the world in utter darkness with only little light getting through anything that is caused by mushrooms from the udnerground invading the surface and their spores snuffs out all light (which could explain the weird darkness in the ruins from botw too!!), or just simply mist! making everything misty changes the entire feel of any environment drastically- you could make vertain enemies spawn only in certain weather conditions, lessening the repetive overuse of them; and that is only on the surface- what if the sky had sunbeams so strong it sets anything on fire if you dare to leave the shadows- to comabt it get a armor with a giant hat!! the underground could have been filled with different environments in the first place, but then of course thered be those dark spores of mushrooms, an entire forest you have to carefully travers other wise making them release their spores and make it all more difficult, glowy mushrooms, MORE glowy mushroms, theres so many weird ass shrooms IRL you could take inspo from!! maybe soemthing like a forest of kelp, long flowy plants obstructing view and making you anxious by any movement- there could be one thats a mimic or infected with miasma, slightly off color and its knobs are malice eyes that open only if it thinks you cant see it

(also for the idea of taking botws stuff and recontextualizing it, the guardians or shrines, now non fucntional, could be infected my miasma sometimes, maybe randomly to keep you guessing- an overgrown shrine suddenly lifting itself up with hands clawing at you when you get too close or do sth wrong to distrub it- similar with guardians tho the effect might be less since you know them as a threat already- or sth i mentioned in another post, a tower being used as a weapon by a gigatic miasma monster- the one in the gerudo region with the bottomless pit for example, perfect for an arena for you to run around in the spiral while its swinging at you etc etc)

JUST taking what botw had and mixing it up, expanding on it, even if technically little change, it could do so much but in the actual game death mountain and rito is the only ones that saw anything of a change like it, and it largely .. didnt change anything or was reversible easily, and had no actual consquences that meant anything, neither stakes nor environmental or narratively (the gerudo felt like it at first but its also largely reversible, its just kinda .. adding a bit of city)

i hhhhhhhhhhhhhh have so many thoughts still, i am just better at holding them back .... also dont wanna annoy lmao

[actualbird]

Once again I have just woken up and saw a new fic from you and read it and I am going to Scream

God the basement incident. Reading about it in the game felt like getting hit by a ton of bricks and reading your interpretation of the events that led up to it feels worse. I hate how well you conveyed the slowly growing tension and worry as Giann realises Marius is missing and can't find him anywhere. God, the kids who did it were so young too. At most 10 years old and already having nearly killed one of their cousins. I never realised how horrifying the implications were until now.

I really like the ice and cold theme that's present throughout the fic. While Marius was hit with the physical sensation of the coldness of the basement, it manifests in Giann as his mental state. It's such a good way to show how that incident impacted them both and tie Giann's feelings back to that incident in a more tangible way. The chill of that basement never really left him, even though it's been long enough for the seasons to change and to be outwardly warm.

Giann shouldering all of this on his own bevause of how busy his father is...Man

Bringing in Giann and Marius' mom too oh my god the way he feels like he failed her because he failed to protect and take care of Marius in that incident and now needs to make up for it...

That last paragraph hurts so much knowing that Giann is missing now. How must he be feeling, knowing that he once again can't be there for his brother when he needs him?

God this fic hurt so much, I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and I feel my past regrets slipping into present tense". Excellent fic, I love your portrayal of Giann so much and I love the way you wrote about how the basement incident impacted him. Honestly, this might be one of my favourite fics you've written.

🌌

wAAHHH good morning milkyway, thank you for reading "growing pains"!!! for a balanced breakfast, get a healthy heap of....angst.

JHVJSDHVFKHSDF

but gosh thank u so much for this ask, im so glad the pain managed to hit hard since it’s been quite a while since i last stretched my angst writing muscle (and my fic writing muscle in general OTL) so im rlly relieved to be seeing the emotionally devastated comments cuz phew thank god….ive still got it….. ;w;

hashing out the more specific details of how i imagined The Basement Incident was really interesting for me to do! all marius says in canon is along the lines of “a few older kids trapped me there as a prank” and “they were probably tired of seeing how everyone paid attention to me like planets orbiting the sun” and like. how much older is older. it cant be that old, because unthinking jealousy like that is such childish playground bully behavior. they were kids too, not really understanding the consequences of their actions

i actually cut a scene that was in my outline where like, those three kids who trapped marius in there were crying in the commotion once the ambulance came and once the Gravity of what happened set in. i cut it out for pacing reasons and for “giann, in that moment, would not care or notice them at all” reasons.

…..funfact: this is actually the fic where i think i did the most ever cutting of scenes and lines i first put down.

i wanted to be a little bit more restrained in how i wrote this? like, before i sent it to my girlfriend for editing, there were way more lines in the flashbacks further describing the “cold” of the setting and marius’ hypothermia, more paragraphs detailing giann’s experience of guilt, etc. i took em out. not rlly for the express benefit of the fic exactly, but i just wanted to try a “less is more” approach for once to see how it’d feel.

my verdict there is it’s super fun, results in a “muted” kind of reading experience that fit well here. the connections make themselves. it doesnt come to me as naturally as my more ramble internal monolog heavy shtick (i needed to look at my first draft for a whole afternoon just wondering what i wanted to axe JHKJHFSD) but it’s definitely a kind of technique i wanna try practicing more

writing process rambles aside, oh my gosh. “I think this might be the most angst I've read from your work since "and i feel my past regrets slipping into present tense” ” this is high praise to me since that fic is still one that i consider my most miserable piece in this fandom jvkJVJHFVKSDH

thank you so much for the lovely comment, milkyway!!! it’s always such a delight to see your thoughts and im so happy you liked this fic :’D

[thefanficmonster]

Power Couple

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: Fluff, Humor

Summary: Sean, Felix, Dave, and Joel welcome Corpse’s girlfriend to a game of Party Animals. It’s her first time playing and she has to deal with a lot more than just the controls and objectives - her boyfriend being a cute, cuddly sweetheart with ulterior motives to his clinginess.

Requested by @susceptible-but-siriusexual. Thank you so much for your request! Hope I captured what you wanted and how you wanted. Feel free to send any other requests you may have XOXO

It’s been one hell of a day. Had to correct twice as many documents as I was originally supposed to at work; found my car with a flat tire in the parking lot as I was about to go home; argued with my boss over the phone while stuck in a traffic jam. It’s been a rough twelve hours, but it has led me here and that’s what I’d rather think about.

By ‘here’ I mean I’m sitting on the couch in Corpse’s recording room, my computer in my lap, my screen displaying the screen to the game Party Animals. The suggestion was Corpse’s. He immediately picked up on my below par mood and wasted no time finding a solution to bright up the remainder of the day, shadowing the shitty portion of it. I am not what you would call a gamer. Sure I’ve played Among Us with Corpse and his friends a few times. Even that I struggle to do because I’m internally fangirling over all the people in the lobby. Yeah, dating a youtuber doesn’t mean you automatically stop gushing over the many content creators on the platform you’ve been watching for quite some time now. Corpse knows how nervous I get so he’s always near me when we play with Sean, Felix and the other. All he has to do is give me that encouraging smile and wink of his and I’m good to go. Side note: massive props to him for going easy on me in Among Us, getting teasingly called ‘simp’ by his friends in the process.

“You’ll love it.“ He promised me over and over again as the game was downloading on my computer.

“I don’t doubt that, Corpse. But I am going in completely blind and I seriously don’t wanna embarrass myself.“ I mumble a quick ‘nor you‘ under my breath, hoping he doesn’t catch it because I’m in for a pep talk if he does. 

To my dismay, he does, “Listen here, you couldn’t embarrass me even if you actively tried to do something outrageous. Most likely scenario, I’d join you in the act.” He ducks in front of the couch so we’re at eye level, his hand coming up to cup my cheek in the sweetest, most comforting gesture ever. “We’ll show em who’s the boss at stealing candy.”

I can’t help but laugh, feeling unable to express just how much this man means to me. Words can’t do the feeling justice.

“Y/N!“

“Y/N!!“

“Corpse Wife has arrived!“

Hearing all the greetings lights a flame in my chest, the warmth spreading all the way to my neck and cheeks. “Hi guys! Missed playing with you!”

“We missed you too!“ Dave, the only one of the gaming gang I’ve actually met in person, replies to me, his words along with all the others’ wrapping around me like a comfort blanket. Despite them knowing I’m a fan of theirs, they’ve always made me feel welcomed, comfortable, nothing less than them.

“You know anything about this game?“ Felix asks me.

I shake my head, almost forgetting he can’t see me, “Corpse told me it’s funny and cute. It sounds like the perfect game for me.” 

“Oh no, this is a game of survival. Survival of the fittest!“ Sean shouts excitedly, a bang following his shout I can only assume was him hitting his desk.

“I’d like to think I’m pretty fit.“ I shrug my shoulders, laughing along with the guys.

“This is the only way to find out if you actually are.“ Joel’s voice comes through my headphones in the form of a tease.

Sean mumbles quietly to himself as he’s deciding how to separate us in two teams. “Guys, a little help here. We all suck at this game, it doesn’t really matter who’s in which team.”

“Actually...“ Felix trails off, “Corpse and Y/N are the ultimate power couple in Among Us. Chances are they will be in this as well. So, the only logical move would be to...“

“I’m taking Y/N, you take Corpse.“ Sean declares. “Joel, Dave, who do you guys wanna be with?“

And the game starts. Sean, Joel and I are the Meowfia while Corpse, Felix and Dave are yet to choose a team name. We throw around snarky, cocky comments at each other, taunting the opposite team as we struggle to take the candy to our respective sides of the map.

“Don’t you dare pull that lever, Dave!“ I launch at Dave, knocking his cute avatar away from the lever, buying Joel and Sean some time to steal back the gummy bear Corpse and Felix took from us.

“Y/N! Joel is out! Help me!“ Sean is freaking out now. I ditch Dave’s unconscious body and run to Sean’s aid. 

As I’m helping him push it towards out area a member from the opposite team latches onto my avatar, weighing me down and hindering me from doing anything.

“Hug!“ Corpse laughs as he has literally turned into a koala, holding onto my avatar.

“Corpse, you know you are actually supposed to hinder Y/N, not hug her. It’s cute though, don’t get me wrong.“ Felix laughs as him and Sean continue to struggle over the gummy bear.

“Nah, his tactic’s great. I can’t do shit.“ I desperately try and shake him off, “Babe, this is unfair. I can’t even be mad at you!“ I whine, staring to panic now that Dave is back to life and Joel is nowhere to be seen.

The round is won by Felix, Dave and Corpse who, if I might add, didn’t let go of me for the rest of the game.

We switch maps, now every man for himself. We’re on the submarine, recreating the Hunger Games with cute fuzzy animals. The thought passes through my mind, causing me to giggle.

“Y/N, you sound exactly like I’d imagine your avatar to sound. You’re so cute.“ Sean’s avatar circles mine a few times as he laughs.

He’s not wrong, my pale blue puppy is indeed cute. Apparently immortal as well.

“How is Y/N still alive?! Holy shit, her and Corpse really are a power couple.“ Dave shrieks when he sees me pick up the freeze gun. “NOOO!“ He shouts, devastated by the fact I shot him, sending him straight to his death.

“Chill, Dave. It’s all cool. Nothing personal.“ I struggle to hide my laughter, “No hard feelings, right?“

“Of course not, love.“ I can tell he grits the sentence through clenched teeth.

“Aw Dave, you are such an ice guy.“ I giggle, now shooting Joel with the gun.

“Someone take that gun from her!“ Sean cries as him and Felix race up the submarine.

Suddenly, the avatar of my boyfriend again wraps itself around mine. I hadn’t seen him in a while, considering Sean knocked him into the ocean earlier in the round. 

“How are you still alive?!“ I try to spin my puppy to get him to let go but he holds on tightly. “Babe, I swear, you are cute and I love you, but this is ridiculous. How and why are you alive?”

“That’s his superpower! He never fucking dies.“ Felix laughs, letting out a yelp when he briefly slips while climbing.

“Immortals!!! Immortals!!!“ Sean breaks out into a song, a song I really like, breaking the restraints I had on my laughter.

“Drop the gun or we’re dying together.“ He says almost seriously. Even though I can only see the back of his head I know he’s grinning.

“A Titanic/Romeo and Juliet mashup? Why not? I can live with dying a double historical death.“ Even though I appear accepting of his offer, I’m still trying to set myself free.

In the end, Sean claims his first win of the game and the rest of us are dead at the bottom of the ocean. Corpse and I did indeed die a Romeo and Juliet/Titanic death, getting everyone in their feels. We make a deal to get together and play again as soon as possible and we all go our separate ways, exiting the Discord call.

*Later that night* 

After a dinner consisting of takeout and two thirds of a shitty romantic comedies, Corpse shifts from next to me, starting to get up from the couch. I am surprised to feel jolted out of a half sleep as the room is now completely silent, the TV being turned off.

“Hey where’re you going?“ I ask groggily, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

“I have some editing to do. Don’t worry, I won’t stay up too late.“ He kisses my forehead before grabbing his phone from the coffee table.

Just as he’s about to walk away, I wrap my arms around his legs. He laughs, catching onto what I’m insinuating. His chuckle brings a smile to my face and butterflies in my belly. No matter how long we date for or how much time we spend together, some things never change. 

“Payback, huh?“ He asks, the smile audible in the question. I keep my eyes shut but nod, my arms still around his legs. “Alright, you koala. You’re coming with me.”

In his recording room, he settles in his chair placing me in his lap in a way that my legs dangling off to the side, my side leaning against his chest, my face hidden in the crook of his neck. We’re both comfortable, content and relaxed.

I don’t know when exactly it happens, but all my mind has registered is a quiet ‘I love you’ and the soft touch of Corpse’s lips on my temple. I manage to reply with an ‘I love you too’ before my sleepiness consumes me, my body completely relaxing against his, the warmth of his body, his scent, the sound of his breathing making me feel safe and loved: the two feelings I want him to feel with the same intensity when I’m in his arms.

Something tells me he does.

@simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @hacker-ghost  @itsminniekat  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios  @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help

[trainingdummyrabbit]

not 2 get Like That on main but theres just something so unsettling about looking at big houses. im talking like 3+ rooms, multiple bathrooms or even, can you imagine, multiple spare rooms like. people live there??? youre allowed to walk and breathe in there?? i cant imagine that being anything other than a dollhouse in fullscale. like... i just. people live there??? people? real people? that are real? like... hold on im readmoreing this its a little venty/rambley

its so fucking weird actually thinking about economic divides and stuff like that because i genuinely have no fucking clue how people can do it. how do you do it? to not only own a house but also be something with That Much?? ive always been Resorting to things, Dealing With things, its so weird to actually Want and Aspire for something that isnt a bare minimum.

what do you mean people have rooms specifically for games, or specifically for eating in, or specifically for something or other. im not saying i didnt have things growing up because i most certainly did, but like... ive visited peoples houses and felt So out of place with just How Much there is. like i get it that families with more people need more space, but theres also some people that just. have this fucking room and its just There. i cant imagine that. im trying so hard to put my finger on exactly what this emotion is but its really difficult because of how much there is to it.

something about houses being Just Places You Are vs Places You Feel Safe And Comfortable In, something about having the resources to even be able to consider having a house with space, to actually walk around in and to not just stay in one room most of the day. thats so weird. i dont know if its just the isolation getting to me with [motions vaguely at everything] or what but its so hard to imagine life being anything more than Just Getting By. like thats a reality people are living. and not just "getting by with some savings" or "afloat and mindful" but i cant even begin to imagine having excess like Rich People(tm) do. thats so weird. to not worry about how much a new chair would cost or not worry about food costs or just. not worrying about finances. its so weird.

thats terrifying. the fact that your own fears and anxieties about things mean absolutely Nothing to some people is terrifying, is what im saying. that something so big and devastating to you isnt even an afterthought to somebody else. i am afraid, always, all the time, constantly, about the future, about the next steps, about preparing to take them, about what comes next. getting a job, keeping a job, staying afloat, keeping professionalism, hoping no disasters happen, hoping you dont get sick, hoping, hoping, hoping, and then all of that is just a speck in the ocean of everything. thats fucked up. everything is so big, and so small, and so, so important.

thats scary.

[thestorybrookeclocktower]

I’ve been abused. This is the first time I admit it to myself.

I’ve been abused several times, psychologically, mostly, but also phisically and sexually. It’s hard to admit it. It’s been harder to realize it.

I was an abused child. Before I dig into it, I’d like to point out that I’m managing to do this only thanks to She-Ra, to Catra, in particular, to Adora, and to this video: https://youtu.be/arsKPegw1Tg . So thank you, Noelle Stevenson, and thank you, whoever made that video.

I’m frightened, right now. I’m scared as fuck. I think I don’t know myself, I think I never did. But I must go on, I must find out who I really am. I owe it to myself. I’ve been hiding for too long.

I was an abused child, and I have to write it down because my mind keeps escaping that. It’s hard to stay focused, and that never happens to me, I’m a writer, when I write I’m concentrated, focused, but now... now it seems like my brain’s floating away. And I can’t let it do it.

My parents divorced when I was two or three years old, I’m not sure about it. I clearly remember the day my father went away, the door slamming, my mom crying and myself trying to reassure her, telling her I was there, she had notHing to worry about. I was always way older than my age.

After that, I guess (my memories are a bit confused in the timeline), my grandmother (so I was told) convinced my father to build a wall during the night in the middle of our house to split it in two. I remember waking up and finding this rough, grey wall. My mom lied and told me there had been a earthquake and that the wall fell down. I didn’t know how a collapsed wall would look like, and believed her. My father left us without a kitchen. As I said, I was two or three years old. Thinking about it now, it hurts me to think of how hard it must have been for my mother to face all of this. My father used to beat her, when they were together. She told me that he broke her cranium, once. I cant remember it, I don’t even know if I ever witnessed when it happened. But still.

Later, my mother fell in love with the man who became my step-father. He was our neighbor, they worked together so they already knew each other.

My father disappeared for two years. I spent one year living with my grandparents in another city, because my mother worked and wasn’t home for days, so che couldn’t leave me alone all that time. I remember missing her, and nothing more.

Then, I remember growing up with my mother’s partner trying to be a father. He couldn’t. He was mean to me. His idea of education was based on yells and threats. He continuously told me that I wasn’t his daughter, that I was nothing, that I was worth nothing.

I also remember that I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to hurt myself and, in my fantasies, when I played alone in my room or in the garden, I imagined my “enemies” kidnapping me and me sacrificing to save my friends. That thing lasted. I would always want to sacrifice to save someone I cared about, but who didn’t care about me as much as I did. I still have to understand why. I just need some time, I guess. After all, I just found out I have wounds.

We moved. My father came back, at some point. He started sending the police at our new home, accusing my mother of child abuse, I guess, and trying to claim me as if I was some kind of property. I guess I started feeling like an object when I spent my weekends and summer or winter vacations with him. He had the right to spend time with me, I didn’t have the right to choose. I don’t think he never treated me bad, he was simply unable to be a good father. He just left me with his friends’ children to play. I had fun with them, anyway. I always insisted to be the victim in our playtime, though. Something bad would always happen to my character. I often played the villain (they were happy with it, none ever wanted to be the villain but me), but my villain always had a reason, a past, a complicated story that led them to the dark side.

I guess I was never really happy. There was always this shadow, this weight on my soul. I still can’t name it. I only know it’s there, but it’s lighter today. Maybe because I see it for the first time.

When I went to middle school, I was depressed. I kept saying “we’ll die anyway, what changes if I do or I don’t do this?”. I also developed a passion for swords and daggers. I always read a lot, especially fantasy books, so I guess it was just natural that I started loving blade weapons.

I also felt guilty for continuously feeling sad. I thought I didn’t really have a reason. My family had money, I went to holiday four times per year instead than just twice, everything I asked they would just buy it to me. But my stepfather would always rub it in. He made me feel like I owed him everything I had, because he was the one who paid the bills. He is an alcoholic. He freaks out every time he gets drunk, and he starts drinking at ten a.m.. He would walk naked at home. I was way too young to see a naked man when it happened the first time. He also spied on me when I was in my room, so I was always anxious that he was watching me and could never relax.

I wasn’t good at school, I only liked mathematics but was terrible at all the rest. I just couldn’t concentrate, and now I know that I had locked myself in my fantasies, in another world, where I was strong, powerful, where I was happy. No, no, sorry. I’m lying to myself again. It didn’t go this way, actually. I locked myself in another world, it’s true, but that world was horrible. I was becoming a teenager and I started watching Buffy, so I was pretty obsessed by vampires at the time, and also I was starting to realize what sexual desire is. The thing is, in my fantasy I was powerful, yes, I was strong, but I was always defeated. I would get captured by this beautiful vampire woman who would torture me to death and then turn me into something different, with magic. I would become her sexual slave. I fell in love with her, in my mind, and I would submit to her. It’s embarrassing to admit it, yeah, it sucks, it’s rape, torture and Stockholm syndrome. But that’s the truth. As I said, I wanted to be hurt.

Also, despite this I never admitted to myself I liked girls. I didn’t even consider it as a possibility, I told myself I was in love with Angel (surprise, with the bad guy trying to redeem himself! Who would have thought that?).

At the same time, my mom got a bad self-immune disease and lost her job. Also, in the same years, one of the teacher at school started targeting me. I was shy and insecure and she would take advantage of it and humiliate me in front of everyone. She seriously damaged me, my self-confidence (as if I had any), and my stepfather made it only worse. I got bad grades from her (even when I was prepared I was so anxious that I couldn’t speak when she questioned me) and he got angry and yelled at me that I was stupid, that I was unable to do anything, that I was an imbecile and that I was worth nothing. Once he threw a school book at me and broke my lip.

My mother tried to comfort me, but I always hid what I was feeling. I was really, really depressed. So much that one day I grabbed one of my collectible daggers and aimed it at my stomach, and I pushed. I wanted to die. I wanted it to end. And I wanted a slow, painful death.

But I stopped. I didn’t even get a scratch, not because I changed my mind, not because I couldn’t find the “bravery” to kill myself, but because I didn’t want to hurt my mom. I knew she would be devastated if I died, and that is the only reason why I didn’t push harder. She still doesn’t know about all of this.

I guess I made myself a promise, that day: I’d be stronger. And it was a mistake, because I locked the doors of my heart doing so.

Years passed by. I learned Kung-Fu, I made some friends, just a few, lost others, this is not the point. They didn’t abuse me.

I started dating guys. Older boys, usually, and I convinced myself I was in love with them. One touched me without asking my permission, and I didn’t stop him. I was so stupid... gah. I wanted people to like me so much that I pretended to be like them. I told them I liked music I didn’t like, stuff like that. Silly, silly young me. I was lost and I didn’t know it.

Other years, more boys. I’m pretty, and I know it, and I used it to flirt with basically any guy I found. Shame on me, I know. I only kissed them. After all, I wasn’t even attracted by them. I liked girls, even if I didn’t want to accept it. I was already different, I didn’t want to be even more isolated.

I also spent a lot of time online chatting and gaming. I used to play to this online role play game by chat, I had found the perfect, fake, fantasy world there. My first character was an elf with positive alignment. I stopped playing her because she bored me. My second character was a sociopathic girl, a sadistic villain. I still have that character, even though I don’t play her anymore. I made her torture and try to kill innocent people several times. She was my dark side. I used her to take out my darkest instincts. I’m ashamed of who I was, now. I became a bully for a couple of years, a dangerous person, a mean person. I hate myself for that.

I was in high school and I was a little more equilibrated when this guy I knew since first grade asked me out. I knew he liked me since then, so I thought I had power on him (because that’s why I flirted with guys, I liked the power I had on them). He took me on his minicar and we found ourself in an isolated parking lot. He was never a healthy person. He was unstable since he was a kid, but he had always been kind with me. He was kind and pleasing even that night. And manipulative. And abusive. He used my ever-present sense of guilt, he told me I had to because he took me in his car and drove for me and waited all of those years, and he insisted for maybe half an hour until I gave in (I couldn’t leave the car, we were in a dangerous block and far from home). I had my first and only oral sex experience with a boy. It disgusted me so I stopped after like three seconds, but he forced me to masturbate him, he phisically did pushing my hand on his d*ck. When he came, he also said I wasn’t good at it. He then offered to give back the favour, I refused and asked him to take me home. Two day later I texted him saying it was over. God, this was hard to write. My heart is pumping in my chest. I need some water.

By the way, I was eighteen then and I still hadn’t had sex yet, and I was the only one in my class and between my friends in general. About them, I lost them all along the way. They simply let me down, not repaying everything I did or gave to them in terms of affection, or treating me like shit when I came out, or just disappearing slowly. I have trust issues for this, it’s hard for me to open up to someone now, but I’m trying.

I found this boy at a party, at that point I felt nothing, I was just curious about sex. We started dating. I didn’t like him, I approached him just because I thought his ass looked good. Yeah, how romantic of me. But, as I said, I felt nothing. I didn’t care about him. He fell in love with me, even though I told him many rimes I didn’t love him. I felt nothing for him, or with him, even in bed. Sex was a delusion to me, and I treated him like shit. But still, he would stay. Poor guy.

During those years (yes, we spent four years together somehow), I finally realized I liked girls. Fate brought me to a convention, where I met the love of my life. I ended the relationship with the boy and started my new life with her.

She changed me, a lot. I was a mess when we met. I was rough, selfish, the bad girl I always wanted to be, unable to love, to have a healthy relationship, unable to find the strenght to be vulnerable. She was patient with that broken, confused me, and I’ll never thank her enough for this. I don’t deserve her. She always supports me and shows me how much she loves me everyday. I’m so grateful for her.

I learned to be humble, I learned to be vulnerable, selfless, a decent humang being. I learned to love. I learned to protect her, not (only) myself. I dismantled almost all of my walls. I don’t know if this one I’m tearing down right now is the last one. I do hope so. I’m so tired of those cold walls. Today, I don’t want all these swords and daggers. I don’t need them anymore.

I wish I was strong as Catra and Adora, strong enough to face myself and let myself be happy. Thank you, Noelle, really. I always believed in the power of stories, but I never thought an animated show could give me so much, that I could relate so much to someone (let alone the importance of their relationship on screen for the LGBTQ+ community, it’s a true revolution). I was attracted to Catra since the beginning, I completely fell in love with her during the fifth season, and now I understand the reasons behind it. I just feel her, deeply. And I also deeply admire Adora, her pure soul, her strenght, her bright heart.

Sorry for the long post, sorry if there are any mistakes, English is not my first language. Thank you again.

[ryoshan]

after the fall spoilers /

when u wanna liveblog but ur the first person you know to start/finish reading: a collection of disorganised and contextless thoughts by an excitable brit

book: mentions weiss and ruby 

me: SCREAMING

fox is from vacuo!!!!!! i am VINDICATED 

ADA ADA ADA ADA 

split point of view per chapter is sososososososoososos GOOD SO GOOD DO GOOD 

nothing will beat novels for their ability to drop explicit details in a short period of time 

VELVET HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY 

coco adele? was that a typo? or is adele her middle name? stylistic choice? hmm 

what a fucking show off our boy fox is 

tiny criticism: pls stop knocking on about coco’s fashion sense we get it you’re doing that thing where you boil her down to one trait, hopefully this will happen less as the book goes on 

FOX CLAPPED HIS HANDS TO HIS EYES. “OH NO!” HE SAID. “WHYYYYYYY?” 

this initiation is some juicy fucking lore my guys 

y.. yatsuhashi CAN FUCK WITH MEMORIES???

dyou think when fox stutters over a word in team cfvy’s mental group chat, coco, yatsuhashi and velvet repeat his mistake back at him 

i am supremely interested to know how fox’s semblance interacts with rens

i literally fucking winded myself at the start of chapter 5 gasping so hard 

“she looked like she had a mortal wound in her side” OH HAHA VERY FUNNY I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE 

coco mentoring ruby has given me more life than anything so far

WEISS DONT BE MEAN TO YATSUHASHI 

oh im not comfortable with weiss calling fox red that sounds very weird and not at all in character it sounds too much like torchwick and im not about making that association 

WHY WOULD HER HAND GO TO MYRTENASTER ARE YOU REALLY GONNA FIGHT FY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY WEISS?

i really did forget how much of an ego weiss has right in the beginning ive been writing her post development for too long 

BLAKE N VELVET BLAKE N VELVE T once again i gasped so hard my lungs hurt 

wow huh okay blake being violent is..... a surprise 

“I don’t believe in fighting prejudice with violence” jess is vindicated im so proud of my wife

COCO WAS GOING TO LIKE HER, VELVET THOUGHT you’re damn right she does

i dont like velvet and coco fighting ):

fox as the hardcore realist i am once again, VINDICATED

velvet employing the same words to gus as blake did to her..... aaa.....

yatsuhashi’s semblance makes me sad cause imagine if he made someone he thought cared about him forget him and it turned out to be really easy

UGH THE THEME IN THIS BOOK IS LEARNING LESSONS AND ITS SO APPARENT AAAAAA

fox and ruby interacted...... thank you for my life............

the inclusion of not only yatsu asking velvet to guide him so he can be better in terms of his language but also an active example of this happening is really pleasing to me 

as the player of a dnd character who always splits off from the group i can say with complete confidence fox splitting off from team cfvy in the sands of vacuo will almost certainly not go well

“she kept waiting for the others to see it” ;___;

PYRRHAAAA ;____________;

literally all it takes is her name and i am sad . 

this TEAM make my heart SURGE 

coco genuinely is the big explicit wlw i’ve been hoping for 

jesus christ coco hold urself together. 

fox vc alexa play darude: sandstorm 

OK BUT CYRANO IS MCFUCKING COOL MY DUDES I COULDNT HAVE IMAGINED SOMETHING LIKE THIS 

- as long as her remembered to charge his scroll. i knew it, boy’s gonna run out of battery . 

IF MY BOY GETS KILLED I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU ROOSTERTEETH

i love when things connect with canon i love it i love it 

why is coco of all people picking on velvet ): 

VELVET BITING BACK THO aaaaaa yay but also ):

uhg i love this fuck ign fami ly 

im.... emotional,,,,,

the cairn mission......... no wonder it was so hard..... im ): 

COCO FINALLY LETTIN VELVET DO SHIT YASS

I KNOW ITS JUST THE INDLUENCE OF GUS’ SEMBLANCE BUT IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN THEY FIGHT 

also im getting serious shadow of the colossus vibes

FOX BETTER NOT DIE BERTIE NEEDS TO GET FUCKED 

i love my son he’s so strong and smart 

theres so many death flags here i dont even know who they’re on anymore

lol jk he’s fine

i really love how sure of himself fox is and so he should be he’s fought really hard to be confident

it is REALLY cool seeing an actual scene from the show written from velvet’s perspective, im all about this 

moro is gonna be happy about glynda i know it she’s fab 

“we just need you to tell us everything” “ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING” ozpin still putting tremendous amounts of pressure on teenagers i see

“we prefer to speak with you individually so we can separate you from your support system while tugging on your vulnerabilities” 

yatsu getting mad ):

im not too fond on how blithely ‘coco never picked up on that’ regarding the finer points of velvet’s tendencies when coco has been established already as a people watcher and observational thinker.,

CFY TO THE RESCUE 

what the FUCK these adults???? hello????? “i deserved that” NO YOU DIDNT???? what did glynda think he was gonna do, stab ozpin??? 

“haha we broguth her here alone to TEST you!!! you passed because you came to her!!!! hahahahahah!!!!!!” fuck you ozpin 

no explanation as to WHY she had to be brought alone as if her ‘keen observational skills’ couldnt have been asked about in the presence of her team or indeed pulled fro the written report she’ll be making 

this is such a formative mission for them and i like it but damn ozpin really up here ruining it all 

the death flags were yatsu’s ALL ALONG 

oh god the impact of velvet using some of these weapons has not been lost on me and it must be devastating for her 

“if this didnt qualify, what did?” me when i get to the end of a game with 3468758976495 different things hoarded and dropping them all on the final boss

why are coco and velvet having a conversation like they’re about to die noones dying NOONES DYING 

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

FUCK RIGHT OFF WITH SHIFTING TO A FLASHBACK YOU WANKERS

thumbelina peach...? really???? but hey looks like beacon has more than 4 professors now

“noone knew what had frozen that beast there” interesting . 

its interesting to me that so far its been atlas thats been shown to be the least accepting of faunus but now its becoming clear mistral is worse, worse enough that velvet wont even consider going there

“velvet waited for someone to ask her what she wanted, but they never did” :( 

anyway i cant wait to see how coco is gonna make the blind worm her bitch

yatsu is so shy about his semblance im sad for him, 

I CANT BELIEVE I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE 

coco getting edward to help ;_____;

its both funny and depressing that sssn are here and sage and scarlet are still yet to have any actual fuckin lines or DESCRIPTORS for that matter 

fox tapping that @ everyone command and getting chewed out for it 

COCO YOU BITCH THAT WAS ART 

u kno whats getting me most? 

BOOK #2 WHEN???????????

[uwu-boll]

Recently, the 2 year anniversary of my engagement passed. I forget the exact date; it doesn't matter to me much anymore. But it did get me thinking about how much of a bad decision it was. I predicated it on the acknowledgement of a love and passion shared between two 18 year olds who got a little too drunk at their first party together and said they wanted to marry each other. To think I was blind to that reality, but it was romance in my eyes; star crossed lovers, high school sweethearts.

The love was real, sure, and we shared many memories together, plenty of which I will never forget. But we were ultimately incompatible. I was overwhelmed by her mental illness, and her absolute dependence on me, and when I couldn't support her emotionally anymore, it destroyed her. When she couldn't handle to see me with other people - platonically - and it affected our relationship in a way that she would lash out at me and blame me, or even herself, and cause huge issues simply over me talking to other girls - platonically.

I had no friends of my own for nearly 5 years. Every time I brought it up she would blame herself but do nothing to change how she felt. She would get mad at me for not having friends and upset at herself whenever I would tell her why I didnt. It was an emotional rollercoaster.

I'm not here to lay down my dirty laundry with keala, nor am I to say she is entirely to blame for the collapse of our relationship. Going long distance definitely was not helping the situation, and my insistence to make it work was probably the wrong move. There were times where I was cruel and intentionally petty to her because of the way she treated me. Does that justify how I was treated? No, but it doesn't mean I'm blameless.

Regardless, the breakup was intense, chronic, and extremely dull. Imagine being bored all of the time. Colors are dull, and boring, and conversations are surreally uninteresting. Video games were the only stimulation that mattered to me, and I buried myself in both games and work to get my mind off of everything. I was spiraling downward, every day was worse than the last and honestly I didnt really care if I lived or not at that point. I had no drive, ambition, or any real sense of purpose. I felt like I was in a rut. I started drinking a lot more that I used to. I picked up drinking casually with Marisol because it was something to do and I didnt want to smoke, but that developed into a borderline addiction. There were weeks where I would go out with friends and get shitfaced every day. I was the friend who liked alcohol. I'm not proud of it, to be frank, but that's how it was.

My point is, losing keala was devastating, but I grew a flock of friends that loved me, genuinely, but unknowingly enabled me. But that flock grew and grew and then it grew to include the person I came to write this post about:

Katie is my best friend, and has probably been my best friend since the moment we met. She and I met through Norms, the restaurant I worked at before I quit a month ago. We met in passing a few times through work, but really clicked that Halloween, where we both got off work at 9pm and spent the next 12 hours talking to each other and driving around. At the time, she was dating this skinny kid named Harrison. He seemed like a nice enough and genuine enough kind of person at the time

Katie and I immediately became very close and became closer and closer as time went on. I had no intention of getting between Katie and Harrison, but, ironically enough, jealousy consumed Harrison as well, as he also grew dependent on alcohol and then lashed out, culminating in his assaulting of Katie, and her uncle. That's a whole story in and of itself, and I'm not gonna get into it. What you need to know out of it is that they aren't together anymore.

As of now, Katie and I are "dating". I say that in quotes because that's the official story. We're trying to downplay things a bit, because everyone "expects us" to take it slow, which is understandable. But we're both very intense and passionate people, and it's hard for that kind of love to burn dimly. But I cant get my mind off of this girl. We are beyond compatible in so many different ways: I cant help but compare her to keala, and I'm pleased to say that Katie and I are so much more compatible than keala and I ever were. Keala was too quiet and contributed nothing. She was shy and introverted and would rather sit and do nothing than be in a production relationship. We were chaotic forces, living in anarchy. We didnt support each other in any way that mattered. Our love was selfish. We had ambitious plans but no means or drive to move forward and grow to achieve them. I needed her to help me move forward, and she was too stagnant in her mental health to grow. Our lack of growth suffocated us.

Katie and I have known each other for almost a year now, but we've spent almost every day of that year together. We have worked together and know how our minds work. We have the same tastes in a lot of things - movies, music, TV shows, literature - we love writing, animals, smoking. We're both open minded and she is extroverted and gives me the boost I need to be more social. She makes me want to be a better person and she genuinely makes me happy.

She took this picture of me (left) and Mario (right) and was blown away by my smile. She had not ever seen me smile like that, and I agreed: I have never been as happy as i am since she and I have been together. I dont even remember being this happy in nearly the past 3 years.

Ultimately, the point of this point is this: I saw that my 2 year had past and thought of how I could still be in that mistake, and I'm glad that I'm not. Instead, I'm in a completely different lifestyle, with a completely different style and a completely different taste, and most importantly I have a girl at my side who has shown me what I have been missing this whole time.

[daeneryses]

okay so I KNOW NO ONE ASKED but im stil gonna comment on the episode

ofc its filled w spoilers and under a read more

how the hell is the death count so freaking low. plot armor at its FINEST i could have sworn sam was ab to bite it at like 3 different times. also brienne jaime and podrick (at least one of them should have died and u KNOW IT). i know some characters have to be alive bc KL but???? what are the odds mate they were being fucking massacred. also conveniently all the dothraki died i gues to make it seem like they really lost smth while conveniently not killing off named characters

how is greyworm still alive

how did we only lose five (5) named characters in the battle WHAT ARE THE FUCKING ODDS. they didnt burn edd’s body i’m ;___; that’s all he wanted

no one important died at the crypts not even VARYS can u believe

so i guess i’m mad at how we all built up so much anticipation over this chapter, the longest episode ever, longest battle in cinematographic history, and then nothing happened??? i mean yeah jorah died i was DEVASTATED bc my dude kept on fighting even with 63 stab wounds and theon who got to die protecting his little brother and little lyanna killed a giant!!! but ???? 

i also CANT believe how useless dany and jon were. Jon mostly. he really was about to die yelling at a wight dragon im sorry but i have to laugh. at least dany set some wights on fire what did jon do. YOU TWO HAD D R A G O N S that should have been a real game changer but they were playing tag with viserion.

ALSO

that was it???? the big threat that was looming over westeros for 7 seasons is just gone??? how did the NK survive being ROASTED but with a stabby stab he was dead. i am so confused what even was that. im conflicted because arya did that!!!! she really saved the day but it shouldnt have been that easy, how did she even sneak up on him, weren’t all of his WW watching???? also so many wights? how did she fight that i just---????

so now the main threat is cersei which i ?????? WHAT 

she was right all along  how HILARIOUS is that. her plan might work that’s just so fckin ridiculous i dont even have WORDS

episode 4 better fucking deliver and answer many questions bc i am not satisfied at all

but it wasnt all bad!!!! the scene where the dothraki get obliterated sent chills down my spine i have to admit it. also, all those who died died really good and worthy deaths, except maybe edd. 

brienne and jaime saving each other several times was great.

the hound overcoming his fear of fire to go save arya was very sweet and emotional.

arya in general was very very fucking good this episode, her fights were amazing i can’t imagine how much maisie had to train. she owns the episode imo (not just bc of the final scene). Arya fighting with the weird ass weapon gendry made her? a  V I S U A L. the scene where she’s hiding in the library was very good imo, it made me very tense i was so nervous it’s ridiculous how invested i was. arya with the arrows? i loved it, she was just overall amazing.

also beric dying after he saved arya bc that was his great purpose made me emo. 

so im not mad ab arya doing it, it was a good twist bc everyone thought it’d be jon and it shows that azor ahai is bullshit. but the execution was so fucking anti climatic and LAZY. they should have dropped more clues throughout the series bc all we had was the whole speech mel gave her back in season 2 WHICH NO ONE COULD HAVE GUESSED BECAUSE SHE ACTUALLY BECOMES AN ASSASSIN OFC SHE WOULD SHUT BLUE EYES NOT ONLY WHITE WALKERS HAVE BLUE EYES. 

but well i guess next episode will have to answer some questions huh.

also i really hope they drop the whole tyrion x sansa thingy they tried to give us bc im huuuuuhh not feeling it. at all.

its a well directed episode, it gave us some amazing visuals, some very emotional moments, but if they wanted to pull off such a twist like the one i just witnessed they had to earn it throughout the entire SERIES. arya should have had more screen time throughout the series, they should have dropped more foreshadowing that would make us go :0 in hindsight. 

idk man

BUT SHE DID THAT!!! I CAN ONLY HOPE EVERYONE GIVES HER THE RECOGNITION SHE DESERVES AT WINTERFELL. HELL AT WESTEROS!!!!! the princess who was promised. i expect everyone bending BACKWARDS for her they owe her so much. she should just dip out now and go love a happy peaceful life no one deserves her.

[gendrie]

You know Maisie not only said that Arya‘s gonna have completely different goals which she‘s never had before but we will also see a more fun and light Arya in s8 and that she got to do everything she‘s ever wanted for her. That must include a romance arc since she‘s always wanted that for her (specifically with Gendry lol). And Joe also mentioned that Arya is a young woman now. So I guess they‘re preparing us for a treat lmao.

im trying not speculate on what these two have to say bc i need to protect my heart lol but so far im getting a surprisingly decent vibe from maisie too. which is promising because she’s quick to put arya down. what the hell lets get into it. a little recap of maisie re: arya’s endgame and s8 promo:

“I know stuff now. And it’s not just knowing stuff, it’s knowing the end […] I hope in the new season I get a chance to bring back a bit more of that fun child we all fell in love with.” [x]

“I have an idea in my head of how this is gonna be and the arc that [Arya’s] gonna take and what her beginning, middle and end is. [x]

“I’ve always said I wanted her to find peace. The things that have been driving her through her story have been very bitter and twisted and aggressive. I would love for Arya to find her true self again and let go of this anger and revenge that’s accompanied her on this journey. I’d love for her to be happy. ” [x]

“I just want her to be happy and be safe and for someone to look out for her. She’s become so independent, and she’s got quite a hard-ass attitude. I think that it’d be nice to have peace of mind that she’s being protected by an elder. Not sure who that would be. But she’s had it rough, and it’d be nice for her to have a nice hunk. Can’t imagine that really happening—this is Game of Thrones—but in my world that’s what I would like for her. ” [x]

“Maisie said she got to do everything she ever wanted to do for Arya.” tweet also says the last scene she did was “fun” unclear to me if thats arya’s final scene or maisie’s [x]

“In this new season she has completely different goals, which she has never had before,” she says. [x]

she’s talked about wanting arya to be happy, to find peace, and a nice hunk for awhile. now she’s saying she got to do everything she ever wanted for arya in s8. that has dangerously good implications lol. im very pleased about the new goals thing (if i see one more fucking theory about arya killing cersei istg) we can assume that means less revenge. (she wont be able to kill beric or mel either imo) which we already saw the beginnings of in s7 with arya choosing wf and jon over kl and cersei. her reaction just hearing about jon instantly melted her into a soft little puddle of love. my gut feeling is that jon’s presence in arya’s life again will brighten her up even more. maybe gendry will have a role in that too. arya was heartbroken when he was taken. thats not even a dumb shipper exaggeration. like she was devastated, fought the brotherhood, confronted a witch, and added three (3) people to her list over that. so i think she’ll be happy to see him at least

as far as joe goes he’s been quick to shut arya/gendry down in the past but he ain’t doing that no more. he’s being evasive as fuck. like who does he think he’s fooling with this “oh idk what their reunion would be like!” shit literally the day after he wrapped for s8???? bitch you filmed it lol. but none of this is truly compelling to me in regards to a potential arya/gendry romance. im not ruling it out cause we know they own my ass. but im not sold either. i just cant get my hopes up based on some vague statements from a of couple professional liars.

weirdly enough the one thing i cannot shake is hot pie calling arya pretty. it was too random!!!!!!!!!!!! why was her physical attractiveness brought up for the very first time like that? idk tho. heres what i do know: their relationship in the show was always protective and sweet and trusting. arya was not only attracted to gendry but loved him. when she was still just a girl but now she’s a young woman as even joe pointed out. that could be game changing. she wanted him to be her family - an offer he turned down only because of his lowborn status which is becoming increasingly irrelevant as gendry discovered and embraces his royal blood. so the bottom line here is that literally nothing is keeping them from being together if they so wished. however im 99% sure gendry will be named lord of storms end (for the record: i firmly believe joe filmed in spain) but i have no clue what arya’s endgame will be. my only guess is winterfell’s resident executioner? but i would like to see something else. im just not sure what or how they’d fit together in the end.

the potential is all there and that makes this all the more frustrating. it could easily be done. they have the history. they have the chemistry. they have the bond. they have the support. they have each other. but i just dont know. and, ultimately, the show is complete trash so

my best case scenario for arya and gendry in s8 is still that they have a couple flirty interactions - not unlike what we’ve already seen between them (ie. “as m’lady commands” + arya checking him out) and like i keep saying the show is nothing but callbacks - with the implication they could be together in the future. thats as optimistic as i’ll go. i cannot bring myself to up the ante lmao.

[xbarrjallenx]

Jealous

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Reader

Request: “Omfg can i request a part 3 for "Chaising Pavements"?!?! Ahh part 2 was so amazing, im so sad and my heart broke into a million pieces! 😊😊❤ “

“please please please do a part 3 for chasing pavements/jessies girl!!! its so good oh my gosh”

“PART THREE FOR JESSIES GIRL PLZ OR SMTH LIKE THAT IT WAS SO GR8″

“OH MYGOD PLEASE PLEASE DO A PART THREE FOR CHASIG PAVEMENTS/JESSIE’S GIRL! I CANT STAND THE SUSPENSION! OMGGG IT WAS SO GOOD”

“3rd part please.... pleeeeeeease?????”

Summary: (Y/N) and Dustin sought for Nancy’s help to understand Mike’s actions, but he got worse and some important things slipped through his mouth.

Word count: 1.779

Posted: 25th of November 2017

A/N: OMG! Here’s the 3rd part of Charing Pavements and Jessie’s Girl, finally! I thank each one of you for the kind comments, I can’t believe that I got too many positive comments and you seriously made my day, motivating me even more on writing. Thank you so much.

I thought of ending it with part 3, but some of you requested some more Dustin Henderson x reader scenes and I had to make Mike jealous. I just love imagining him dying of jealousy. Anyway, if you want, I voluntarily will write part 4, probably the last part, so let me know. Thank you.

I hope you like it and enjoy! Comments are appreciated and welcomed.

- G. x

Links: Chasing Pavements (Part 1); Jessie’s Girl (Part 2); Can’t Fight This Feeling (Part 4)

Few days has passed since the Snow Ball, but you still couldn’t take Mike’s death and sorrowful glare off your head. You couldn’t understand why he would be grumpy and irked. He couldn’t be jealous, could he? And if ever, why would he? Mostly, when Eleven has already came back.

“Dustin, are you sure of this?” You asked him for the millionth time and you thanked him for being patient with you. You were so anxious and afraid of what might happen next, mostly when Mike could discover everything what you and Dustin were doing.

The group has planned to do another endless campaign of Dungeons and Dragons, but Will and Dustin decided not to as Eleven and Max kept on interrupting the game by asking explanations for every move that the party would make. Everyone in the group, except you and Dustin, offered a hand to teach the mechanics of the game to the girls. You, obviously, had a better thing to do with Dustin.

“Of course, (Y/N).” He nodded nonchalantly, lowering his voice so the boys wouldn’t hear your conversation. After all, they were still convinced that you were already in a relationship with Dustin. “Nancy knows how to make people feel better, maybe she knows why Mike is acting weird too.” You both stopped in front of Nancy’s bedroom door, slowly building your courage up before knocking.

“Dustin, Mike barely talked to us, you must be kidding if you think that he talked to his sister.” You rolled your eyes as Dustin took a deep breath.

You were both devastated as your best friend suddenly stopped talking to you, also because you didn’t do something bad to hurt him or make him angry. He has greeted you, but he was so cold and detached. Mike has never treated you in that way, he never did. He has always wanted to make you feel better, to see you with your widest smile on your face.

“You’re prettier when you smile, (Y/N).” He stated as he tucked your (Y/H/C) hair behind your ear. You flutter closed your eyes in happiness, feeling his lips on your forehead.

“Nancy?” Dustin knocked, gently shouting Nancy’s name to have her attention. Your eyes grew wide as you shook your thoughts off your head and you were about to run away, but Dustin grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. “You are hurting, (Y/N), but let me help you. You can still conquer the boy of your dreams, okay?” He whispered in your ear, softening your gaze.

“Hey Dusty, (Y/N)!” She cheerfully greeted, pulling you both in a tight hug. Dustin quickly let go of your hand as he didn’t want for Nancy to tease him with you. That boy has got a crush on the young lady standing in front of you. “What’s up?”

“Uhh,” You nervously blurted out and Dustin smiled at you to encourage you. “I need some help.”

“Oh,” She warmly smiled. “advices on dating Dusty?” She winked at Dustin, but he just rolled his eyes. You shook your head and she quickly knitted her eyebrows together. “But the rumours had it and I thought that you are together.”

“We’ll explain it to you.” Dustin seriously stated. Nancy nodded and she invited you to enter her room, shutting and locking the door nonchalantly.

“So, what is everything about?” Nancy curiously asked, sitting on her study desk. Dustin invited you to sit beside him on the edge of Nancy’s double bed. You followed him as you roamed your eyes around the room, catching some interesting photographs and posters on the wall.

“We aren’t together.” Dustin explained, emphasizing his words. “The people thought that we are, because we hugged in the middle of the gym during the ball.”

“Oh,” Nancy sang as she got Dustin’s point. “so, what is your problem? How can I help you with it?”

“The problem is Mike Wheeler, your asshole brother.” Dustin blurted out. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his best friend. He was a little bitter, because he suddenly stopped talking to him, giving him death glares as he tried to make you, his closest best friend, feel better. He did nothing bad nor awful, on the contrary!

“What did Mike do?” Nancy asked as she let her legs hang from the desk, swaying them as she listened to you.

“I love him.” You shyly blurted out, feeling the heat on your cheeks. Dustin widely smiled, showing his beloved pearls, and teased you cheekily. You shook your head in disbelief and you rolled your eyes, because you couldn’t stand the embarrassment of the situation.

“Oh my God,” Nancy enthusiastically cheered, making you bounce on the bed in shock. You corrugated your forehead as you couldn’t understand if it was a compliment or not, so you sat there: puzzled. “Jonathan owes me and Steve twenty bucks.”

“What? You’re betting on me?” Your mouth opened agape and you elbowed your best friend as he kept on giggling under his breath.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t help but do it. I can totally see in your eyes that you liked Mike.” She nodded, defending the fact that the teen adults made some bet on you and Mike. You shrugged your shoulders as Eleven came into your mind, sighing as the pain penetrated your already shattered heart.

“He likes Eleven.” Dustin murmured, almost silently. Nancy’s smile suddenly fell back as she heard his brother’s secret. “But the thing that I don’t understand is why did he just stop on talking to me or (Y/N). I did nothing but dance with her during the ball.”

“Hmm,” She brought the back of her hand under her chin to think and she sighed since she couldn’t think of the right answer. “have you talked to him?”

“No, he is detached and it seemed like he kept on pushing me away.” You honestly answered. You bit your lower lip, trying to halt your tears from glossing your eyes. “And, if ever, I don’t know what to tell him.”

“Oh,” She nodded, leaving the desk and stood in front of you instead. “I think that the guy is jealous. I know that you are his closest best friend, sometimes he would share to the family your moments together, sometimes your problems too. He would always be proud of himself whenever he would make you feel good. Maybe he’s just jealous and afraid that he might lose you.”

“I don’t know, Nancy.” You were perplexed and you gave her a confused look. “Sometimes, I just want to tell him that I love him, even though I know that it isn’t requited. Maybe I would feel better if I let everything out.” You vented, Dustin was just listening at your statements. Sometimes he would look at you, sometimes he would look at Nancy to understand the situation.

“You’d like to let everything out?” Nancy sadly smiled, thinking of a way how to help you. You stare at her while waiting for her answer, you watched her walk back and forth, trying her best to think of something. “Aha, I got it!” She happily exclaimed.

“What is it?” You raised an eyebrow as you carefully listened to Nancy.

“You pretend that Dustin is Mike and you tell him everything, as in everything.” She convincingly said in a lower tone. You glanced at Dustin and he smiled at you in response. “You’re going to practice and, whenever you’re ready, you talk to Mike. Is that okay?”

“Okay.” You shortly answered. You unleashed a long and heavy sigh, readying yourself. It wasn’t the same to have Dustin in front of you, of course, but maybe he could help you to make things easier.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Nancy encouraged you as if she was a director of some sort of film.

“Dustin,” You started, turning towards Dustin’s direction. You imagined having Mike in front of you, even though you pronounced Dustin’s name. You thought that calling Dustin by his best friend’s name was disrespectful. “I-I like you, no! I-I love you! It has been years since I started loving you, but I never had the courage to confess my feelings for you. I don’t know, maybe because I thought that we were just best friends or something like that and best friends don’t usually love each other, I mean in a romantic way.” Dustin nodded to encourage you to go on with your speech. He didn’t know that you stopped because you heard some footsteps outside the room.

“Just go on!” Dustin gently ordered with a smile. He was really willing to help you, also because he didn’t want to see you hurting anymore.

You nodded and took a long breath. “I didn’t even know what love was, but then El has arrived and my-“

You suddenly stopped when you heard a loud bang outside of Nancy’s room, jumping a little bit on the bed. Your eyes grew wide, afraid that someone has heard your confession.

“What the hell, Mike?” Nancy twisted her door knob, went out of the room and forcefully opened Mike’s room. You and Dustin looked at each other and followed Nancy, slowly walking, almost tip-toeing. “What’s your problem?”

You peaked through his doorway and your heart dropped as you saw his tears slowly streaming down his face. Dustin looked at you and you looked at Dustin, you were both puzzled, confused.

“Fuck off, Nancy!” He pushed her sister away, wiping his tears furiously.

“Mike!” You restrained him from pushing people away and treating them in a rude way. He wasn’t the Mike that you used to know and you kept on saying that you knew him well, but you didn’t even know why he was acting up in that way.

“(Y/N), just go away, okay? You do nothing but give me heartbreak and misery!” He fearlessly spat the words as if they were venom in his mouth. Your tears found their way through your eyes and your chest tightened, his words weighing in your chest. Dustin quickly hugged you, rubbing your back as you sobbed against his neck, knowing how hurt you were.

“What the hell, Mike?” Dustin defended you as he yelled at his friend. “Stop being a dick!”

Mike noisily sobbed and hardly sniffed, letting his hot tears to wet his red cheeks. “You know what, (Y/N)? It’s hard for me to say this, but,” He paused, terribly trembling as he took all of his courage out. He didn’t mind Dustin, but the scene of Dustin hugging you broke his heart even more, wishing that it was him. “I love you and I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me!”

[chocobrotherapy]

Under the cut is the full conversation and headcanons Mod Pupper and I formed to fill in the gaps of Square’s poor use of Luna and the emotional impact and connection she could have had. It changed how Pupper will view the game with these things in the back of their mind now, so maybe it’ll do the same for you? Heck we may even do pictures about these things cause not to toot our own horns or anything, but these are god damn gold

Prepare to hurt!!

Mod Peach

petition to replace all lines using Luna’s name to fuckin onee-sama

Mod Pupper

FUCKIN PLEASE

YOU’RE MARRYING BIG SISTER LUNA?

BIG SISTER LUNA LOOKS AMAZING WHAT A QUEEN

big sister luna died sorry noct :(

Mod Peach

tbh if she was actually called that it probably would

have hurt so much cause they would have viewed her as a

sister figure and when she died it would rip hearts out

Mod Pupper

okay satan nobody asked

Mod Peach

I want to see the chocobros crying about losing their dear big sister Luna

Mod Pupper

tbh tho I would have loved that they were all childhood friends would have  given luna a more emotional impact

Mod Peach

ooooh wouldn’t that help explain Gladio’s violent reaction to Noct on the train? He just lost the only one who could really care for him the way a big sister did and of course, just like losing a lover, that pain gets misdirected and mistakenly taken out on someone else

Mod Pupper

because when she died it was just noctis who was a wreck, everyone else just

ohh shit

well noctis up to ya

Mod Pupper

everyone would have been just as devastated, and we didnt have to see gladio being a dick

hhh we just had to make a joke now we’re questioning the writing and what should have been so we could feel more

Mod Peach

It would have explained his dickishness if he had as much emotional investment as Noctis in Luna. Cause he’s so protective of Iris, I imagine it would be the same for big sis Luna too

when a joke can evolve into a full-blown AU and help

smooth over bad writing and plot holes

Mod Pupper

Exactly tho like

this is the development luna needs

she needs screentime with the chocobros

Mod Peach

honestly square just let us write luna’s dlc

we got this

Mod Pupper

or rewrite luna’s development

so people actually love her instead of not giving a shit

Mod Pupper

just imagining

Prompto crying over Luna because he lost one of his family, since

he’s one of those magitek things

Mod Peach

Prompto would probably scream cry over Luna’s death but we never got to see that or any emotional devastation

Mod Pupper

and Ignis is basically the same yeah? since we dont know any of his family Luna probably taught him manners that he should be teaching to Noct as they grow Gladio trying to be the older sibling but everyone prefers Luna

Mod Peach

yeeeees

Mod Pupper

And when Luna has to leave for whatever Oracle duty she has to do they get emotional because they know they won’t see her for a while

Mod Pupper

When the chocobros try to force Noct to eat his veggies, Luna gets mad and tells them to stop bullying him and you know

they’ll stop because

it’s big sista

Mod Peach

Luna being the one to teach a younger iggy how to do his hair and dress to impress, probably telling them that no matter what if you can walk in heels you’re going to intimidate someone Luna helping give Prompto some body confidence and just big SISTER LUNA

Mod Pupper

YES

also like prompto comes out with like his dream of being a photographer to Luna first because hes too shy

Mod Pupper

and she gives him all that confidence and to believe in himself

and when Ignis gets too carried away with his advisor duties

she’ll call him out

why cant ignis have fun

Mod Peach

She probably brings him things to practice taking

photos with and because she’s ~The Lunafreya, Blood of the Oracle~

she pulls some strings and gets Prompto a good camera, which is the

one he still uses all these years later

Mod Pupper

it’s irreplaceable and the most precious memento Luna left for

him because it’s what gave him the confidence to become the

silly photographer that he is

Mod Peach

just a scene of that, then it cuts to Prompto looking

down at the camera in his hands post-Leviathan would have worked so well

Mod Pupper

in episode ignis, they all run back to where Noctis, luna, and ignis were

But instead they all arrive together and they just see luna

healing noctis while he’s unconscious

They all run towards them to make sure they’re okay

As Luna stops healing Noctis she opens her eyes to see all three of them

Because the last thing she wanted to see is all four of them together

She’d look at them then a tear would shed down her face

They all looked relieved for a moment

Then she closes her eyes then her little oracle spirit appears

behind them as she gives her final farewell

Mod Peach

the chocobros crying out for Luna as she slips away or even one of them spotting Ardyn stabbing her and just running towards her repeating no

Mod Pupper

then they turn around to see her body is no longer there, and all you see beside Noctis is her favorite flower

Mod Pupper

Adding on to Prompto

Luna asks Prompto if he could show all the pictures he took

on his journey with the chocobros to her when they finally meet again

Mod Pupper

And in the end he never got the chance to so he put his camera away for some time until he got over it because he just couldn’t bare to look or take pictures

Mod Peach

and that becomes the main reason he takes photos and has Noct choose them because he wanted the very best to be given to her so that she can feel like she was a part of their travels and not feel left out

Mod Pupper

And you know what, this is perfect

Mod Peach

and it hurt Prompto so much at the end of the game when Noctis went to face his fate cause it would have been a good chance to have Noctis say the exact same thing that Luna did at the beginning and it hurt him cause it really made him realize that he’s going to lose Noctis just like Luna

Mod Pupper

By the end of the game Noctis asks for one picture to take with him

Mod Peach

but this time he does get to bring a memory with him

Mod Pupper

So that Luna can finally see a picture of their time together

PAINFUL

Mod Pupper

and at the back of the picture are just little messages the chocobros wrote for the two

Mod Peach

the message is just

“stand by me”

and little wet spots where Prompto’s tears wet it

or even “walk tall, we’ll see you soon”

Mod Pupper

“Sorry we missed the wedding”

Mod Pupper

When Luna sends out Umbra for those back and forth letters She also leaves stuff for the bros Like “Prompto is probably running out of film so can you give this to him?” “Gladio also loves cup noodles so I sent some for him too.” “And fresh seafood ingredients for Ignis, I also got him new spectacles for extra comfort”

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

-

alright, we’re here live with phoenix wright at temple temple 

lets see where we go.

-

aw he’s worried about maya. thank god someone is.

-

“I didn’t come all the way to khura’in to be useless”

prove it, edgey

-

oh its one of those lady gaga guards again

Lah’kee. aww cute

-

“I advise you accept the invitation”

well he can’t really decline it, miles.

Also “Lakhee” haha. at least edgeworth’s ability to mess up names is still here.

-

hm i wonder how she’s really spying on everyone. something ridiculous no doubt. 

-

oooh the ‘audience chamber’

i smell a cutscene 

-

ooh i was right

kinda

-

“this place is still as magnificent as last time”

wait what do you mean last time

it was listed as a new location in the map

-

“looks like you’re doing well”

damnit nick you made me laugh.

-

phoenix now has ‘bludgeoned by child’ to add to his list of stuff he’s survived 

-

we’ve already established that you cant get spiritual power from the orb unless you’re a medium already. come on now.

-

“For in Khura’in, only those who possess spiritual power may sit on the throne” 

uh im all for feminism and that but you might wanna open your king or queenitude to a wider and possibly more qualified range of people. 

i mean spirit mediums are awesome and all but summoning ghosts does not necessarily make you a good politician. 

-

“But the queen seems almost giddy for someone who’s husband was just murdered”

well I'm glad you told me that, phoenix, because i cannot fucking tell on her flat ass face

-

poor rayfa... she’s really grown on me. i hope she’ll be okay.

-

hmm. something just happened that i *think* should have tripped the magatama... but who cares. nothing works anymore.

-

“When it turned out Dhurke was forging evidence the people were devastated, and trust in the legal system plummeted”

anD THUS BEGAN THE DARK AGE OF THE 

NO

NO NON O NON NOOOOOO WE LEFT THAT BEHIND IN DD DO NOT BRING IT BACK.

-

“We have the divination seance, so we don’t need lawyers anymore”

yeah you also don’t need prosecutors anymore either. all you need is a judge to go “huh, looks legit” and into the slammer they go.

...and yet... and yet...

-

WHOA WHAT

SHE MOVES?!

also thats literally Morgan’s laugh but flipped. She’s evil. 

-

“it’s missing? I'm sure Dhurke had it when he went into the tomb”

why is phoenix so fucking stupid when he goes to kooraheen. its like when he sets foot on their soil his brain just drops every single shred of self preservation it once had. i mean i know he used to show evidence to blatant criminals but like, at least he had misgivings about doing it.

-

“From his odd hairstyle, may we assume him to be a relative? Perhaps, your younger brother?”

‘no, he’s my son.’

haha but in all seriousness considering Jove’s facial similarity to phoenix and the amount of shoehorned backstory for Apollo, they could pretty damn well be related.

-

wow. not only does phoenix yell EW NO HES NOT RELATED TO ME but he /also/ lets slip that he’s related to Dhurke. You know. Right in front of the queen who hates the living shit out of Dhurke.

Thanks for draining my baby’s braincells, SOJ......

-

“whats she whispering to that guard?”

oh i dunno nick maybe something about that thing you said about Apollo being related to the queen’s ARCH NEMESIS.

GOOD FUCKING LORD.

-

“That’s one swanky throne. I wouldn't mind taking a seat there myself.”

the audacity. and yet i love him for it.

“The jester and the crown. I imagine it’d make quite the interesting picture”

Ouuuch

“You know, Edgeworth, I hate to say this, but you’re absolutely right.”

he’s remembering that time he got all doe eyed over Dhurke’s mouldy jacket. 

-

why is the bazaar also a new area

we’ve been there before

-

...oh. warbaads sound like lions?? the fuck????

its a form of mimicry? to protect against predators??

when did he learn this again?!

-

oh god. of course. of course it would be Vore Machine who makes a fucking gunshot noise in the middle of a crowded area.

brilliant.

-

“since more people are joining us, ive decided to employ something that sounds like a gunshot to scare the fuck outta them!’

flawless strategy as always, dingel.

-

“What with the murder/suicide!”

he shouts with a huge grin

“Hopefully this means Tahrust’s death won’t be in vain after all”

GOD. even brain dead nick noticed it was abso-fuckin’-lutely pointless.

-

“see, i give my fellow rebels things that sound like gunshots, that will of course draw attention AWAY from them. yes, the loud noise things will definitely ward OFF the royal guards” genius.

-

“those firecrackers are more useful than i thought”

yeah because he used one on a fucking vulnerable child. maybe try it again when the actual trained police are on your tail, see how well that turns out for you. 

also fuck you Datz.

-

aw i love Rayfa and Nick’s interactions. She’s adorable and he humours her so much. It’s sweet. 

this is genuine by the way; its the highlight of the kooraheen cases for me. as i said Rayfa’s really grown on me. she was annoying at first but now it’s just kinda... cute?

-

“But hearing her all alone I... I can’t help but think of Trucy”

OW

OW

OW

OW

-

“it’s as if your brain-to-mouth filter shuts off the second you step out of the courtroom” 

oh man edge. you'd be snacking on your words if you saw his internal monologue. 

-

phoenix: men are messy. i am messy. 

-

where IS nayna...

in other news, Phoenix continues to dad at Rayfa

-

(weeping) oh god Rayfa’s so cute

please be kind to her pleaaase

-

(rayfa seems really worried for Nayna...)

yea maybe you should do something about that nick

-

Phoenix: rayfs maybe you uhh shouldnt do the divination thing i can do that

wehhh protect her nick

god she’s even feeling bad for being a brat. please just give her a hug or something, jeez;

-

i know its just a call back but how /did/ he get his hands on some J’suis Lebelle?

-

“I like my natural stress-grey very much ,thank you!”

-

“Do you suppose if I slept on it, I could see my father once more?”

OW

WHAT THE FUCK SOJ

obviously phoenix agrees with me. jesus.

-

shdgah i thought the notepad was a sandwich 

-

Huh! Inga was face-blind. who knew?

i kid, i kid. its probably related to queenbean’s magic surveillance shit 

-

hehehe everybody luuuurves edgeworth

-

Phoenix: drugs??? oh no I'm a cool kid. say no

(steals drugs)

-

n’awww. her birfday was the safe code. i guess even bad men love their daughters.

OH AND HER BABY LETTERS IN THERE TOO AHH

-

(yells) gfakgkkajafksj THERE’S AN ‘ASSASSINATION PLAN”

GOD

fake. fake fake fake. fake as fuck.

people don’t write little “my evil plan” notes to themselves. 

-

Rayfa: *sees picture of someone other than her mother holding her as a baby* MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIIIIIIIE

-

“I wonder what’s afoot?”

THE GAME, EDGEWORTH, THE GAME!!!

-

Edgeworth’s bitten by a fuckin dog and he STILL Cant manage a human emotion. good lord.

-

hmm. i know that was supposed to be comedic but the lack of visuals really kinda dampened the thing.

...plus, to choke edgeworth, the pressure would need to be applied to the front of his neck, not the back, and since the dog is on the front, it cant have choked him. it couldn’t have even pulled the “cravat” tighter because it’s not actually tied up.

(sigh) oh whatever.

-

Datz, emerging from a manhole to recruit 

-

Wow Datz sure loves to scare the shit out of children. What a class act.

“HAHA FUCK YOU KID, I HOPE YOUR DOG’S LOST FOREVER AND MAYBE DIES”

SUCH a class act.

-

“Ahlbi’s not exactly the picture of self restraint...”

phoenix he’s nine

-

“I worry about his future sometimes...”

of course you do, dad ;)

-

“You cant go trespassing like that, even if it’s for a good cause; it’s just not right!”

hey, trilogy and AJ nick would say otherwise, old man. you use to be cool. and interested in doing bad things for good ends.

-

weird haircut - friend of phoenix 

-

“a big orange spider leg” AHLBI 

he's right, but he shouldn’t say it!

-

“they were being pursued by royal guards!”

:) hey phoenix :) maybe next time dont tell the queen :) that they’re involved with her mortal enemy :) maybe :)))))

-

alright and that’s part 2 of the investigation over. apparently there’s a part 3? they sure are breaking the established time codes for cases in this game... oh well! stay tuned for the next time!

[please-listen-to-me]

I hate that we changed. We were so happy, so innocent, so naive. We thought nothing else mattered but eachother.

I remember back in our freshman year we had a history class together, and we got paired in the same group once. I had to keep asking your name, because every time i would ask i would forget to listen for the answer.

I remember the first time i actually talked to you. You helped me get through a devastating heartbreak..you helped me through my depressed and suicidal feelings. You helped me nearly overcome my self harm. I cant thank you enough for that.

I remember we had a history class together our sophomore year. Thats when we first started talking in person. I was moved and sat next to you. We had all sorts of inside jokes. You probably dont remember, but I do. I cant forget.

I remember when i went to your house the first time. I almost chickened out because i was so nervous. But i went anyways, and i am so glad. We played a wii olympic winter sports game with the mario and sonic characters. You kept trying to get a gold coin but you didnt have a enough money for it. I also remember your mom took your brothers door off its hinges because he slammed it. That scared me, but i was with you and i felt invincible.

I remember what you looked like when we first started dating. That was nearly 2 and a half years ago. You had long, blonde swoopy hair. You always wore the same colored jeans and black t-shirts with some sort of logo. You had these thin boxy black glasses, and you were nearly blinde without them..but i took them and wore them anyways. And you pretended to mind..but you didnt really.

Now your hair keeps getting shorter and shorter, your eyes dont seem as bright, and your wardrobe has changed completely. Your entire life has switched..but i still love you.

I miss you. I miss how much you cared about me, how often you would reply and how much you tried to talk to me. I miss you asking me to skype every night and i miss playing games with you. I miss feeling needed.

But things are different now. You started hurting me. You started putting me on the back burner and you started adopting habits. You started talking to me less and started to make me feel unimportant. At times it felt like all you wanted me for was sex, or just for the simple excuse to tell your single friends that you werent alone like them.

We went our separate ways, and im dead inside. Its hard imagining my life without you. You barely talk to me anymore, even though you said we would still be friends.

I wish i could hug you, i wish i could be with you. I wish you could hold me one last time, and actually want to hold me.

What I did the other day, as hard as it may have been, and as hard as it is, is probably for the best. I am no longer holding you back. Im allowing you to live, to be happy. You no longer have to worry about me- im sure ill be happy soon enough. I really hope i get happy soon. But i wish for your happiness even more. Im sorry I lied to you, i didnt want to hurt you. I never did, and i dont. I wish for you to be happy, and i hope you get there very soon.

Im sorry, I love you.

[writingguide003-blog]

'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

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'I completely lost it': the movie scenes that made our writers weep

From Toy Story 2 to Under the Skin, writers pick the cinematic moments that made them cry and explain why. Spoilers ahead

Aunt Lucys trip, Paddington 2

On the face of it, Paddington is a fairly broad kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, and so probably shouldnt make a grown human cry hot, salty tears. But that description ignores the fact that Paddington is a really, really well-made kids film franchise about the hijinks of a CGI bear, one that completely gets the pathos of its central character, a little lost immigrant searching for something resembling a family. Both films ably tug at the heartstrings, but the second film got me sniffling as early as 15 minutes in when Paddington imagines giving his only living relative, Aunt Lucy, a tour around London, something that in reality is impossible as shes stuck thousands of miles away in darkest Peru. When at the end of the film spoiler alert Aunt Lucy arrives on the Brown familys doorstep and she and Paddington hug, I completely, unapologetically lost it. Lord knows what surprises Paddington 3 has planned for my tear ducts. GM

When She Loved Me, Toy Story 2

Just before writing this, I put When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2 on YouTube once again, just to check. Yep. Just as always, I choke up, in the same abject, lip-wobbling, head-bowed way. It still has that terrible power.

When She Loved Me is the song written by Randy Newman and sung by the devastated toy cowgirl Jessie and in fact performed, beautifully, on the soundtrack by Canadian singer Sarah McLachlan. The song is Jessies way of telling Woody why she has grimly decided to submit to the airless world of the toy museum, because it is better than the inevitable heartbreak and delusion of loving a fickle human child. She reveals her anguish that her owner, Emily, has fallen out of love with her outgrown her, in fact. As Emily entered the world of adolescence, pop music and boys, Jessie was left under the bed and finally dumped.

When I first saw this scene and misled by the size disparity between toy and owner I thought it was a parable for a childs anxiety over being abandoned by the parent. But now that I am a parent I can see the truth which is completely the opposite way around. It is about the parents fear of being abandoned by the child: the terrible fear, actually the terrible certainty, that the kid one day wont want to play with you. They will grow up and want something else. This song is utterly devastating. It is modern cinemas equivalent of the Vesti La Giubba aria from Pagliacci the tragic clown smiling on the outside but crying on the inside. Im afraid to watch it too often. I dont want to break down over and over again. But I also want to preserve its power over me. PB

Ruths death, Fried Green Tomatoes

In many respects, Fried Green Tomatoes is not a movie for the modern age. It is a story about racism in the deep south told largely by way of eliciting our sympathies for wealthy white characters; it is a story about a lesbian relationship that had to slide its lesbian relationship in unnoticed, by presenting it as a very close friendship fulfilled by food fights, poker games and heads leaning meaningfully on shoulders. But I am deeply fond of this 1991 Sunday afternoon classic. Ive seen it more times than is healthy, and so I know exactly what is coming and when, and yet am still unable to resist the inevitable guttural sobbing that comes with the death scene.

There are plenty of teasers for it, too: Buddy on the train tracks, even Mrs Threadgoode talking about the death of her adult son. Nothing, however, can prepare the viewer for Ruth asking Idgie to tell her the old story about the frozen lake thats now somewhere over in Georgia. It doesnt so much pull on heartstrings as play a full symphony on them, and its devastating. As Sipsey puts it, a lady always knows when to leave. RN

The rooftop dance, Eat Pray Love

While I was repelled by the mere existence of the Eat Pray Love book, I found something strangely charming about its big-screen translation. It was a mixture of glossy food porn, glossy travel porn and glossy Julia Roberts emoting porn (she remains one of the best fake criers in Hollywood) all wrapped up in a rather unique tale of a woman trying to unshackle herself from the men in her life. But while that all provided mostly surface-level enjoyment, one scene cut deeper and the extent to which it cuts surprises me still.

As is often with the case with movie tears, these were tied to a real-world experience that had happened not long before I sat down to watch. I was dumped by a long-term boyfriend without much of an explanation and without any sort of warning. I was heartbroken and seeking some form of closure that was kept cruelly out of reach. I didnt understand why it had happened and it was the not knowing that felt harder than the break-up itself.

In the film, Roberts character has left her flighty husband and remains haunted by the heartbreak shes caused. On a rooftop in Delhi, a vision of him appears and they dance to Neil Youngs heart-grabbing Harvest Moon, the song that was supposed to accompany their first wedding dance. She reminds him that she did love him. He tells her he still loves and misses her. They cry and continue to dance. At the end, she tells him that it wont last forever, nothing does. Its a short scene but it hit me like a bus, it still does now. My tears are for the film but theyre also for something deeper: the sting of loving someone who stopped loving me and the ache of an ending I was never allowed in real life. BL

The thunderstorm, Click

Adam Sandler can make me cry harder than hes ever made me laugh, the true test of a clown. Yes, even in the underappreciated comedy Click about a dad who finds a magical remote control in the Beyond section of Bed Bath & Beyond.

Sandlers workaholic architect fast-forwards through the worst parts of his day the dull weeknight frozen dinners with his family, the repetitive arguments, the gross times everyone gets knocked out by the flu in order to get to his next promotion so he can buy his kids whatever they want. His plan doesnt go well, of course. But whats shocking is how gut-rippingly painful it is to see Sandler hit play on his life only to realize hes skipped past everything that matters. His bodys been present, the bills have been paid, but his emotional engagements been staticky a trade-off too many of us can understand.

In the climax, old man Sandler sobs in a thunderstorm as he arrives at his daughters wedding only to learn shed rather her stepdad walk her down the aisle, and his son has grown up to mimic his job-first, family-second example. I rarely cry at unavoidable tragedies where no ones at fault. My weakness is characters regretting choices they cant rewind. Click isnt Ingmar Bergman Sandler gets a happy ending but I barely saw his relief through the rainstorm on my face. AN

The courtroom, Kramer vs Kramer

By all accounts, Robert Bentons film Kramer vs Kramer skews heavily toward Dustin Hoffmans Ted, whose wife Joanna has left him and their six-year-old son Billy. Billy and Ted make french toast together, or argue about eating ice cream before dinner, or visit the nearby jungle gym. Were it not for Meryl Streep and the trenchant, intuitive way she humanizes a woman who, in the 70s, would have otherwise been made to seem mawkish and unstable Kramer vs Kramer might be just a schmaltzy panegyric on fatherhood.

But leave it to our greatest living actor to turn a film on its head with a single scene. You know the one: Joanna, during the custody hearing, is subjected to a string of sexist questions about her failure as a wife and a mother. When asked why shes seeking custody of Billy, she blinks three times, beginning the monologue Streep herself wrote in an effort to redeem her character, who she initially perceived to be an ogre, a princess, an ass.

Billys only seven years old. He needs me, she says, reciting the word need with a whispery uptick as she glances at her ex. Im not saying he doesnt need his father. But I really believe he needs me more. After catching her breath, she becomes more emphatic: I was his mommy for five and a half years. Since I was about Billys age when my parents got divorced, ergo, too young to understand or even care, Ive always been astonished and, by proxy, moved by how compassionately Streep plumbs the depths of Joannas truth. JN

The beach, Under the Skin

Little focuses the mind more effectively on human distress than the arrival of your own kids; scenes in films which I might once have snoozed through now induce boggle-eyed terror OH MY GOD, DONT LEAVE THAT BABY NEAR THAT COFFEE TABLE, IT HASNT GOT A CORNER PROTECTOR! But nothing has topped at least, not yet the scene in Under the Skin where Scarlett Johansson murders a swimmer and drags him off to eat him.

Its not the murder thats so epically upsetting, though its gruesome enough: Johansson, playing an alien visitor permanently on the lookout for human nutrients, simply bangs him over the head with a large stone as he lies prone and exhausted on the beach. Its what goes on in the background that is so awful. A woman goes into the water to try and rescue her drowning dog, and her male partner instinctively rushes in after her, leaving their toddler alone high on the shore. Johanssons chum the only other adult on this lonely Scottish beach goes to help too.

With the speed of falling dominoes, a nice little day out unravels: the mother and father are swept away to who knows where, and the alien takes her chance to acquire their would-be rescuer as a food source. Meanwhile, the suddenly abandoned kid is shrieking in terror as the night closes in. Another, less astute film-maker, might cap the scene with the alien scooping the kid up and adding him to her dinner menu, but what Glazer contrives is absolutely horrifying. Johansson-alien simply ignores it, and leaves it alone. The film moves on, this incident consigned to the past.

I have to confess I was absolutely blindsided by the scene; mostly, I think, because of the its sheer unexpectedness. I think I was gripped by a kind of internal hysteria: shock, hyperventilation, a feeling the back of my head might explode. (I cant say I actually cried though I may have, but in the confusion I cant really remember.) I certainly had to hold on to the seat to stop myself bolting out of the cinema then and there. I am aware theres a some degree of self-indulgence here: the fact that my daughter was about the same age as the kid in the film undoubtedly super-sensitised my reactions. But everyone has their weak spot; this is very much mine. AP

The birth, Cheaper by the Dozen 2

Cheaper by the Dozen 2, if you havent seen it you probably havent, why would you have? is the sequel to the remake of family comedy Cheaper by the Dozen, and Im sure it was made because Steve Martin, the star of the franchise, needed to pay his mortgage. The main gist of the movie is that Martin and his wife, played by Bonnie Hunt, have 12 children who get into various japes. Its asinine. But during a time in my life when I was making a lot of transatlantic flights, Cheaper By the Dozen 2 was always an option on the British Airways seatback televisions, and one day I found, because of the frequency of my flights, I had watched all of the other films.

What choice did I have? At the climactic scene, where the oldest daughter, played by Piper Perabo, gives birth, and then names the baby after her father because he has shown her that there is no way to be a perfect parent, but a million ways to be a really good one, I cried so much the man sitting next to me regarded me with what appeared to be real concern. There may have not been enough cocktail napkins on the whole plane to dry my tears. Was it the recycled air? Was it the two miniature bottles of white wine? Or was it that a joyful childbirth scene can warm the cockles of even the coldest of hearts? JHE

The accidental reunion, Manchester by the Sea

Weve got a real talent for repression back in Massachusetts. Kenneth Lonergans searing Manchester by the Sea plays out a 15-minute drive from my childhood home and, true to life, the characters all struggle to articulate the perfect storms of emotion raging within them.

When Lee (Casey Affleck) has a chance encounter with his ex-wife Randi (Michelle Williams), the shared history between them is literally unspeakable. They sputter out fragments of sentences that act as a shorthand for vast reservoirs of guilt and self-loathing they cant bear to express, and because they know one another so intimately, they can intuit all the meaning they have to. Theyve both shoved a lot deep down inside just so they can look at themselves in the mirror, and when in the presence of the only other person on the planet who understands what theyve been through, some of it has to come out. Randi does most of the talking, inviting Lee to lunch so they can get some closure, and he ends the conversation by walking away. Shes ready to face her past and be fully present in the new life shes built for herself. Lee, a North Shore boy born and bred, feels more comfortable starting a bar fight as his form of therapy. CB

The hotel, Unrelated

Joanna Hoggs first film, Unrelated, has had something of a second life on account of being the debut of Tom Hiddleston, and set during a Tuscan summer, which means swimming pool, which means toplessness, and lots of it. Its nice to imagine the Loki-lovers streaming this masterpiece of English upper-middle-class excruciation. As its ending shows, specificity is no barrier to emotional oomph.

The story sees a woman in her early 40s, Anna (Kathryn Worth), holidaying with old friends and their teenage children. She finds she prefers the company of the kids, especially the charming Oakley (Hiddleston, then 26, playing eight years younger). The holiday implodes. Anna goes to stay at a grim airport hotel. Her friend visits, crossly wanting to know whats behind her behaviour. Anna explains that, quite recently, she thought she was pregnant but no, in fact, it was an early menopause. Shell never be able to have children. She sobs and bends double on the bed. It is shot in one take, from the middle distance, acted with a banal frankness which feels like eavesdropping.

When I saw it a decade back, it floored me: a twist I hadnt foreseen, a pain I could only imagine. A few years ago, I began consciously avoiding the film, fearful a similar fate awaited me. Now I can safely watch it again or, I thought I could, but Hogg is much too superb and mysterious a film-maker for that. It isnt simply the information which is terrible, it is the dreadful catharsis of its expression, coming after so much obfuscation. The stifle has gone; instead there is the most awful sadness. Buttoning up is often the bravest way. CS

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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The sinking feeling of did-ease and how divine intervention brings an abundance of peace

Last week I stood up to an adult bully by standing up for the young people who were present, for myself and for the integrity of God’s Character.

Someone complained to my employer about my actions and questioned my professionalism, consequently my employer was forced to place me on Administrative Leave (with pay thank God!) until I have the opportunity to defend my position.

Hearing that my professionalism is being questioned after having an impeccable 15 year employment record is devastating and having to leave work a hot mess from my emotions getting the best of me...humiliating.

Over the past few days I have been talking to God about the situation and re-examining the event over and over. The emotional rollercoaster of self doubt was fierce, regret would fly in brining a blanket of fear with it. I would imagine the worst, like loosing my job and being publicly humiliated. It would go in waves, despair coming in on one wave and avoidance on another. A deep sinking feeling swallowing me whole. It sucked! I felt like I was a small child, in trouble and not having the chance to speak to my side of the story.

 I figured that in combination of talking to God that I would use my time with my husband and two children as the ultimate distraction over the weekend. In between playing with my children, going to holiday parties, Santa parades and shopping, I still felt sick with worry and my self doubt kept growing.

Then last night as I was talking to God (in my head) as I was giving my daughter a bath a thought came to me; Look online for how to ask God for PEACE. Then I thought Okay, I clearly cant talk myself into peace so I will search for how to ask God for Peace. And I came across this link;

https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/prayer/prayers/a-prayer-for-inner-peace.html

I read this from my phone, while I was sitting in my living room, my husband watching the hockey game,  none the wiser...and I instantly felt PEACE. Peace so real it is as if the events of the days before never happened. Peace so strong that when I go looking for that feeling of dis-ease that was there moments before, that was consistent for 3 days straight, I can’t find it. Kind of like when you finally get rid of the hiccups, anticipating their return and then how abnormal it feels when you expect them  to return and they don't. Gone, as if it was never there in the first place, completely wiped out.

Only God can do that!

I encourage you to tuck this prayer into  your smartphone so you have it to draw on when you find yourself in a valley.

I am going to try to figure out how to let the author of this prayer know how much they helped to bring God’s divine Peace to my heart through sharing their words, wisdom and relationship with God on the internet.

In terms of my situation, I know I will be okay because I have God on my side and I have an incredible employer and union! I will let you know though how it unfolds and how God ministers to me during this season.