#i did decided i will not share this irl though

[magnusbae]

I confess, I am... kinda excited ; w ;

[mechanicalbowtye]

read the scratch upd8. little too close to home

[dandyshucks]

trying to decide if i want to show the counselor/therapist my self insert art or not djdkslsl I think it is too obvious that it's Me to ever be able to say "hey look at this cute art i did of two random characters neither of which are me or in any way connected to me :o)" but AUGHGHGH she wants to see more art of mine and most of my art recently (ALL of my art so far this year i think) has been selfship stuff,,,

[bro-atz]

morning juice [bro's 1k — wooyoung]

in which: you and wooyoung share more than just breakfast.

pair: wooyoung/afab!reader

word count: 1.9k

content: smut, reader is in an open relationship with wooyoung's roommate, kitchen sex, unprotected sex (PLS REMEMBER TO WRAP UP IRL!), completely consensual!

rated: R | nsfw — minors do not interact!

Wooyoung knew that you and his roommate weren’t exclusive. While you weren’t seeing anyone else for the time being, his roommate would occasionally hook up with other girls every so often. Wooyoung asked you multiple times why you didn’t decide to do the same, and you would always tell him that it was because you didn’t find anyone else that appealing yet.

What you didn’t know was that Wooyoung kept asking you that question because he wanted to ask you out, but he couldn’t figure out exactly how to phrase it. Were you open to actually dating, or were you only looking for casual relationships like the one you had with his roommate? No matter how hard he tried to figure it out, he couldn’t, so Wooyoung just decided to keep his mouth shut because he didn’t want to lose his friendship with you.

There was one thing about your relationship with his roommate that bugged him though, and that was the fact that he could hear you both whenever you hooked up. You were both pretty loud, and everything that he could hear turned him the fuck on— and he was ashamed to say that he beat himself off a couple times when he heard your melodious moans and sighs through the thin walls of his apartment.

One morning, he woke up to hear the two of you giggling in his roommate’s bedroom. His eyebrow twitched with slight irritation the louder your giggling got. He wanted to be the one to make you laugh like that. He wanted to hear that laugh while you laid in his arms and hugged him close so early in the morning. Was that too much to ask?

Begrudgingly, Wooyoung got out of bed to get started with his day. He trudged to the kitchen, opened the fridge, and stared mindlessly into the fridge. He didn’t know what to eat, so he just left the fridge open and continued to stare at the contents inside as his roommate entered the kitchen.

“Hey, if you’re not going to grab anything, close the fridge,” he lectured before closing the door in front of Wooyoung’s face.

“I was trying to figure out what to eat,” Wooyoung responded as he frowned.

“Well, don’t waste electricity.”

Wooyoung turned and faced his roommate, only to see that he was dressed and ready to head out. He looked at him, his face the epitome of a question mark.

“Where are you going this early in the morning?”

“I got a breakfast date. I’ll see ya later.”

With that, Wooyoung’s roommate left the apartment, leaving Wooyoung slightly flabbergasted. How could he just leave you here to go on a date with someone else? It felt wrong, but he wasn’t the one in an open relationship with you, so who was he to judge? Wooyoung turned back to the fridge and finally settled on grabbing a couple of fruits from the fridge and making himself a fruit salad.

He was peeling oranges when you sauntered into the area. You stifled a yawn and greeted him.

“Morning, Wooyoung,” you said sleepily.

“Morning…”

Wooyoung was still focused on the oranges when you sat in the bar stool at the end of the kitchen island. When you sat down, he finally looked up at you, and he immediately smirked as he popped an orange slice into his mouth.

“Did you sleep in my shirt? That’s hot,” Wooyoung said as soon as he laid eyes on you.

“Oh, yeah, sorry I borrowed— Sorry, did you just say “that’s hot”?” you stopped mid sentence as soon as Wooyoung’s words fully processed in your head.

“I mean, yeah. You usually wear Yunho’s shirts whenever you spend the night. The fact that you’re wearing mine… You look really hot, Y/N.”

Your face went red. You avoided eye contact with him and tugged at the hem of his shirt. You could barely let out a weak thank you, making the other man laugh at your reaction.

“You can’t take a compliment, Y/N?”

You kept your gaze on your lap as you shook your head. Wooyoung looked at you a little more closely, his heart skipping a beat as he suddenly felt a surge of courage course through his body. He wiped his hands on the kitchen towel and approached you. He held the bottom of your shirt, immediately making you snap your eyes to him.

“When are you going to give me my shirt back, then?” Wooyoung asked.

“Uh, I d-don’t— Sh-should I wash it first?” you stuttered.

“I don’t know… I kind of want my shirt back now.”

You blinked a couple of times, your brain unable to process what you were hearing. The words then flew out of your mind when he tugged your— his— shirt upwards slowly. You stared at him with wide eyes as he maintained eye contact with you, his intentions (finally) extremely clear to you.

“Is that okay?” Wooyoung asked. “Can I have my shirt back now?”

Gulping, you nodded. Wooyoung pulled the shirt off, revealing your bare breasts and leaving you in nothing but your panties. He let the shirt fall to the ground and immediately cupped your breasts, a soft exhale leaving your lungs as he massaged your breasts. You uttered profanities under your breath the more Wooyoung kneaded. He leaned in close to you, his lips teasing yours. You tilted your head and tried to kiss him, but he moved away right as your lips brushed his, making you whine slightly.

“You sure about that, Y/N?” Wooyoung asked teasingly. “You sure you want to cross this line with me?”

“Nngh, can you please just kiss me?” you complained.

“I want verbal confirmation from you, Y/N.”

“Yes, Wooyoung. I want to cross this line with you.”

Wooyoung smirked. He finally connected his lips to yours, electricity running through your body. You moaned and ran your fingers through his hair as you deepened the kisses, the man leaning into you to the point where you almost fell off the stool.

“Wait,” he whispered breathlessly as he moved his hands from your breasts to your waist.

He lifted you so that you were sitting on the kitchen countertop before smashing his lips against yours. He kissed you hungrily, his hands gripping your thighs and waist repeatedly as he restlessly made out with you.

“Fuck, Wooyoung!” you sighed as he trailed his kisses down your neck, his hand moving up to massage your breast again.

Wooyoung couldn’t even be bothered to respond— he was so focused on devouring and marking every part of you because he had been wanting this for God knows how long. With one hand on your breast, the other went into your panties, his fingers stroking your cunt roughly, impatiently. You could barely support yourself on the kitchen island, so you clung to him instead, your hands gripping his shoulders.

You whimpered and whined when Wooyoung moved away from you. He completely removed his sweatpants, revealing his red, throbbing cock raring to go before quickly pulling your panties off. You licked your lips and reached for him, your hands gripping the fabric of his shirt as you pulled him close to you. Wooyoung smiled slyly before kissing you, his tongue pushing its way into your mouth as he rubbed his cock along your entrance. Your legs quivered every time the tip of his cock brushed against your clit, tingles spreading through your stomach the more he rubbed. While you loved the feeling, you needed more.

Luckily, Wooyoung was losing his patience as well. When he deemed you wet enough, he moved away from you so he could slide his cock inside you, making you press your hands flat on the countertop to support yourself. You moaned softly when you felt him enter you, the tingles only getting stronger. You leaned your head back and felt your mind start to empty out as Wooyoung began rutting into you. He moved one of your legs so that it was resting on his shoulder, giving him better access to your cunt.

“Fuck,” you heard him hiss, the sound of the profanity leaving his lips making every cell in your body react to him. “You’re so wet for me, aren’t you?”

You bit your lip and nodded, a whine leaving your lungs as you agreed with him. You had never heard your cunt sound quite like it did in that moment, squelching with every thrust from the man before you. You leaned back onto the counter top and moaned, your eyes fluttering close and filling the darkness with sparkles. You really were so close. You brought your hand in between your legs and rubbed your clit as Wooyoung focused on keeping his steady pace, the power of his hips only getting stronger. His hands went from your waist to your thighs so he could pull you close to him every time his hips moved. The added stimulation was just enough for you to push him away and let out a loud cry as you squirted onto the countertop, your arousal dripping off the edge and to the floor.

“F-Fuck, Wooyoung!” you cried as you creamed around his cock when he re-entered you, your legs trembling uncontrollably. He let go of your thigh, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist, and his hands moved to your breasts to grip them tightly as his thrusts got faster. “ Yes, yes! J-Just like that!”

Wooyoung was grunting, high-pitched whines leaving him every so often as his thrusts got more sporadic. He was truly losing his mind— when you clenched your walls around his cock, he was pretty much ready to cum, but he didn’t want to stop, not when the friction between his cock and your cunt was filling him with insurmountable pleasure.

Yet, he was fucked when you pushed yourself up and quickly held onto him before smashing your lips against his. It certainly did not help that you were rolling your body towards him, changing his angle ever so slightly. As you kissed him, you took his lower lip in between your teeth and bit down lightly, completely breaking Wooyoung. He quickly held your waist and pulled you close as he thrust rapidly into you before cumming, the man moaning against your lips. He had actually tried to pull out before cumming, but you clenched your walls again, stopping him midway through. He came inside you, his cock shuddering as his seed spurt inside you.

“Ah… Fuck,” you moaned as your pleasure slowly died down. “That was so good…”

“Shit,” Wooyoung hissed as he pressed his head into your shoulder. “I came inside…”

“That’s okay, Wooyoung,” you responded as you ran your fingers through his hair. “I don’t mind at all.”

“You sure?”

“With you, I’m always sure.”

Wooyoung let out a low exhale as he pulled out of you, his cum seeping out of your cunt and mixing with your arousal before dripping onto the ground. He was completely enamored with the way your red cunt was leaking white, his fingers spreading your lips open to let the rest of him drip out.

“Wooyoung, you’re making a mess,” you muttered with slight embarrassment as you tried to close your legs.

“My kitchen, my problem,” he replied immediately.

“Still…”

Wooyoung couldn’t help but chuckle at your reaction. He ended up stopping, allowing you to close your legs and shed your embarrassment. When you slipped off the kitchen countertop and tried to situate yourself though, Wooyoung pinned you in place, his hands gripping the edge of the counter as he leaned into you.

“Where are you going? I’m not finished with you yet.”

bro's 1k event masterlist

taglist:

@k-hotchoisan @eyeryis @sinnarols @hwallazia @yunhoszn

@nebulousbookshelf @starryriize @skteezcursed @yessa-vie @minkilicious

@sunshineangel-reads @dazzlingstarrs @dutchesskarma @yourlocaljonghoe @st4rhwa

@frobin4ever @sanhwajjong @certifiedmoa @therealcuppicake @yuyubeans

@startlinglyoongi @hyukssunflower @chewyhotteoks @bsehindu @dinossaurz

@woomyteez @isiloiale @ywtfvs @nvdhrzn @khjoongie98

@jaerisdiction @ninoshome1 @aaa-sia @tiredlittlevirgo @preciouswoozi

@woohwababes @wmewtew @yuyusgirl @exololyunho @everythingboutkpop

@bath1lda @bitejoongie @jen176pink @sousydive @yyaurii

@ateez-atiny380 @arabelleum @seeoonghwaa @oddracha @wonuwrites

@wyrated @flwrshwa @wooyoungqueen @luvt0kki @oreoqueen

@kiki277 @bakarilennox @aurorajoye @aalisiyahxstar @taz-97

@pixie0627 @jjoongstar @apriecotte @lvrs-street2mmorrow @slyblonder

@bianca9889r @httpseungmxn @jus2passtime @hwxbibi

apply for the permanent taglist here!

networks: @atzhouse @blossomnet @cromernet @cultofdionysusnet

@illusionnet @ksmutsociety @wonderlandnet

[wolfythewitch]

This might be a bit random but I wanted to ask you about this to make sure you were comfortable before I did anything.

There is a reaction youtuber I watch and they were talking about wanting to react to epic the musical cause people kept recommending it to them. Obviously they can't react to the entire musical on youtube so they were asking if they should react to just the music or fan animations/animatics for it. Would it be ok to point them your way so they could react to your stuff for the musical?

I completely understand if not. I love sharing your animatics with irl friends but having someone react to it is very different than that so I wanted to ask. This is all of course assuming the youtuber even decides to go about it that way/chooses your stuff to react to.

Anyways, I hope you have a great day/night!

I mean I'm fine with it haha, though I'm not very proud of the older ones

[garoujo]

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[hanatagami]

sagau imposter au (part 1)

i was just introduced and am now an avid enjoyer to sagau, especially imposter ones, so i wanted to make some hcs. this is gonna be your pov, but i would like to do povs of the actual characters too.

Upon “descending” to teyvat, under circumstances you know now, you find yourself to be incredibly lucky that you arrived where you did

you woke up in a domain of all places

it was a weird thing to wake up to, being in the middle of a strange platform with a golden tree not to far from you

you weren’t certain what domain per say, but you could confidently deduce its domain-hood, though it never acted like a typical domain

as in monsters didnt spawn and there wasn’t a challenge for you to face

instead it acted like your own personal sanctuary

if you wanted to sleep: a bed would appear inside

the same with a bathroom (which was weird to use in a space that seemed almost alive) and any other luxuries or necessities you needed

you made sure to compliment the space you were in, just in case, and was surprised when the tree tinted pink, but in a situation like this

more shocking things were bound to happen

like looking at your body and noticing veins of gold which was plenty shocking, the gold seemed to be able to glow or dim to your desire.

You could make it so looked like your body was covered in rivers made of stars (which did wonders for your confidence, way better then any tattoo you could’ve gotten irl) or dim it to where the gold looked completely unnoticeable 

now youve read your fair share of sagau fics, and you deemed its probably safest to stay in a domain for now, until you figure what tropes may await you

god forbid-

‘(Y/n) forbid...? no thats weird’ you think to yourself

god forbid it was an imposter au or smth and you get smited by whatever archon this domain resides in

luckily, the people in the world dont seem to be checking domains you      h o p e

your content residing in the domain till you’ve figured out the full extent of your abilities, and it was only then that the domain provided enemies for you to practice on

(thankfully they weren’t actually alive, cause they are supposed to be your subjects now or something)

you figured out what you could with the guidance of a space that couldn’t physically speak with you, but you did your best

you were surprised to find that a lot of abilities weren’t really used by you per say, but rather that things followed your requests, if that made sense

you didn’t conjure wind to blow enemies away, but you gave silent requests and was gleefully answered

you didn’t create waves of water to send crashing against opponents, you asked and something, maybe Teyvat itself, listened

your hypothesis was that the original creator could manipulate things, but that is either learned or wasn’t passed on to you? 

you thought yourself not as the original creator, but a reinvention of them. Almost like Nahida, you aren’t the orginal creator but perhaps the creator remade themselves into you and placed in another world to be raised as peoples equal and learn things like morals

 perhaps tired of an eternal, all knowing, and all powerful existence.

it was a good idea to keep yourself free of the burdens of immortality, a self-imposed somewhat-life cycle

well that was your hypothesis, you didn't know for sure

but what you did know is that almost everything would answer your requests, even vague concepts like time, space, or gravity

you were even able to control the size of your body, growing big enough to fill the void below the domain, or small enough to be a molecule no one could see (you weren’t sure what was responding to you to do that, but it still worked) 

‘the original creator mustve been amazing...’ you often thought to yourself

You goofed around a lot with these abilities before deciding to go out and venture into actual teyvat, to figure out what you were actually dealing with 

imposters, killer characters, or whoever...beware, you know what your doing (kinda)

and as you stepped out into the land (after giving the domain a big thanks and promise to visit again) you grew a little surprised at the outfit change that happened the moment you stepped on land.

rocks and minerals from the earth arose and surrounded your body, not stabbing or poking you in anyway

instead it felt secure and comforting

you spun and gazed down in awe as all kinds of materials formed garments around your body

it was like a dream outfit for you, something celestial that you could only see in your imagination

and it looked like it came straight from Liyue

and which upon surveying your surroundings of the things in the area, seemed to be Liyue

when you turned around, there wasn’t actually a domain there, so you couldn’t use it as a landmark or anything

(it must be some personal creator domain? that would make sense)

maybe your “holy” garments change depending the country you were in?

Interesting theory, but you didn’t feel like testing it out just yet

requesting the materials to form something a little more Liyue casual to hopefully blend in

and with that you set off!

it only took a few minutes to realize you weren’t quite sure where you were going, but don’t worry, Teyvats got you

a beautiful path made of stone that was embedded with cor lapis arose from the ground to guide you to the city, your desired destination

and as you gazed behind you noticed the path disappeared a couple steps behind you

‘only i get the red carpet, eh? how kind~’

 and with that NOW you set off

it was a very wonderful walk, really

much more peaceful then any walk you’ve had playing the game

no hilichurls or slimes or abyss mages trying to test your patience like they did with your designated traveler

well they did approach, but they approached bearing gifts! it was actually cute watching hilichurls walk up to you with their most valued item, and its like just an apple or something

but you thanked them, gave them a pat to which they always did their little dance which you couldn’t help but chuckle at (it was so much better in person) and that only seemed to make them more cheery as they went back to their tribe

slimes came up for some pets, which how could you not

when you pet the first slime that came up, a pyro slime, you were amazed at the way it felt. It didn’t turn its element off, cause apparently it didnt need too. when you touched it you could feel the pure heat it eminated, but it wasn’t painful. there was a firmness from slime section but the fire itself only seemed to keep you warm

it was then your goal to experience petting slimes of all elements on your way to Liyue’s city

and the results of your petting: electro had a pleasant tingling (especially if you have one hand on a purple one and the other ona yellow one), hydro was more water then slime, anemo felt like putting your hand above a air hockey table, dendro was disappointingly normal but it smelt really nice, and cryo felt like a thin layer of ice on top of water, and geo was rough (unshockingly)

it made your trip to the city very eventful and quick, you didn’t notice time passing at all

it was upon approaching the big gate of Liyue did you really stop to think of a plan

what were you gonna do when they recognize you? cause according to the fics you’ve read, they always do

eh you’ll wing it, you just wanna try Xiangling’s cooking tbh

and maybe one of Chongyun’s popsicles

would they recognize you and agree? would they think you were an imposter or something? you were kinda excited to find out

to avoid the small fries (the guards) from pulling anything, you covered the rest of the distance using a form of teleportation (thanks space) and entered straight into Liyue

you had appeared in an ally to hopefully avoid people spotting you fade into existence there

willing yourself to appear a little more confident (you’ve heard looking confident can really get you places when trying to sneak or fool people)

you began to trek through the big city you’ve grown so used to seeing from a screen

and you really arrived at just the right time, since it was dark from the night sky so all the lights and lanterns were lit, lighting up the city beautifully

so much more beautiful then in game, thats for sure

it kinda made you eager to see the lantern festival! the big deer lantern (the deer was actually an adepti wasn’t it? you kinda forgot) was sure to be breathtaking in person

and maybe it was your outfit, or maybe the lack of guards, nobody was really clocking you on your appearance

(you were only now deliberating that they may not know your appearance, it may be a vibe thing but who knows)

you didn’t see any statues dedicated in your honor, which was kinda a plus. no direct comparisons can be made

you had come up to Xiangling’s restaurant and she was, thankfully, the only one there

“Uh, excuse me.”

“Yes, how can I- Your grace!?” 

ah, she knows

“SHHHH, I dont want anyone to know!”

“How are you here? Where are your guards?? It isn’t safe-”

“Don’t worry about it! I just want some of your food is all, I promise I’ll go back right away.”

 So there was an imposter...how interesting.

“I could of just delivered it to you Your Grace, or someone could of picked it up!” She was looking at you with great concern, you weren’t entirely sure what would threaten the “creator” in this world to begin with, but they may just be paranoid.

“I mean with this imposter going around, who knows what they may try and do...” The thought itself seemed to bring Xiangling great distress, her body visibly drooping at her words.

It felt weird for her to be so concerned over you, when its not actually you shes concerned for. Not you, but someone whose trying to be you, so ig in concept shes concerned for you?

whatever

“Come on, this is definitely one of the safest cities to be in, you know that. By the time they tried anything they’d already be getting chased outta here! Besides, your right here, you can protect me!” It was weird trying to comfort her in this situation, and you could only guess if you were mimicking the actual imposter correctly.

“Well...I guess so...” She didn’t seem completely convinced at that, but she seemed to be letting it slide slightly at the thought of protecting and spending time with you. How sweet~

“Hey, do you think you can make me your signature boiled fish?” You were trying to stay vague...you wanted to try it, but you weren’t sure if the imposter had already, so you had to be picky about your words.

“Uh, sure. Yeah! I can do that for you!” She was channeling some optimism now, her face bright at the thought of “your grace” trying her signature dish. It was really cute!

You were lucky no one heard her shouting “your grace” however many times, there weren’t any other customers and her dad wasn’t there for whatever reason.

But that didn’t stop someone from recognizing you though.

You had felt something pulling on the lower half of your clothes, so naturally you look down and see 

the one and only

former god

Guoba was gazing up at you with sparkles around his eyes

he seemed really excited to see you!

“Oh, aren’t you the cutest!” You were quick to scoop him up and give him the bestest of cuddles you could muster, and he seem to respond in kind

he was so much softer then you could of thought, and he emitted such a nice warmth

people in your world were told not to hug bears, so you werent gonna pass the chance to do so in this one

“Wha--Guoba?!” You both pause in your cuddling sensation to give Xiangling a shocked look at her interuption. Her attention had completely left the food she had been preparing previously (impressively enough her hands still seemed to be cooking it perfectly) and was focused solely on your interaction with the little guy.

“What’s the matter? Should I not be hugging him?” 

“No no! Your more then welcome too Your Grace! Well at least I say but...the last couple times Guoba completely...disregarded you! I guess I’m just shocked.” Her gaze had bashfully returned to the food, potentially embarrassed at having such an outburst in front of you.

“Well I don’t know, maybe he just needed to get used to me.” You focus back on the little guy in front of you and part of you knows thats not really the truth. He’d been so “disregarding” because it was the imposter he had been presented with, not you. He didn’t really make expression but you could tell that he was really excited to see you and be held by you. he’s so freakin cuTE-

Another part of you was thinking, surely someone must’ve seen that as strange. You thought back to the “monsters” too, someone surely must’ve picked up that the imposter being ignored by animals or attacked by “monsters” should be very suspicious. But according to this whole imposter fiasco, it wasn’t suspicious to warrant a check. 

“Here you are! A Wanmin Restaurant Boiled Fish, our speciality!” Xiangling placed the meal in front of you and gave you one of the brightest smiles you’ve ever seen, you almost had to squint at it. A mix of Guoba’s sudden acceptance of you, and trying her signature dish must be really exciting.

Sitting Guoba down in the chair next to you (to his displeasure, as he made sure you knew with an unhappy grunt) you pick up the utensils and look down at the meal in front of you. It smelled heavenly and you made sure to give it a good sniff before getting a spoonful and getting a taste.

The flavor embraced your tongue wonderfully, it was so delicious it was easy to think you wouldn’t order anything else at this establishment. I mean the characters always said Xiangling was a good cook, but this meal was just a whole other level of good.

During your food-caused glee, you didn’t take notice on how Xiangling had looked at you. She couldn’t help but think you looked especially radiant today, not to say you didn’t anytime else, but there was something about today that gave you such a...glow. Watching your eyes shut in delight, humming at the taste of the meal, she felt a warmth from your presence she hadn’t realized was lacking before. Even in a common Liyue garb, every aspect of you invited people to be enraptured by you and your presence. Her heart raced as your eyes cracked open happily to indulge in another bite. She hadn’t seen you so pleased trying food before, though she wasn’t really around to see you eatting

but the face you were making...part of her wishes you only made that face when you ate her food

she knew that if the rest of her life was spent only cooking for you, it’d be a life worth living. (she knew that before hand, but now more then ever did she feel that way)

Guoba had grumpily forced himself into your lap, making you have to scooch your chair back a bit to fit him while still eating (not that you minded, it enhanced the experience tbh)

Letting out a sigh at your full and satisfied stomach, you wrapped your arms around Guoba and buried your face into the top of his head

He let out a small sound of satisfaction, which was very cute

Gazing at Xiangling she seemed to be flustered trying to find a topic of conversation, which was kinda shocking cause she didnt seem like the type to struggle conversationally

(it was probably cause it was you)

“Bleh...I don’t really wanna go back after such a nice meal. I wanna have fuuun! Is there anything we can do that won’t get me caught?” You interrupted her internal dilemma with your own dilemma. 

How do we get more out of my time in Liyue before im wrongfully exposed?

“I know! Are Chongyun or Xingqiu busy? We can hang out with them!”

She seemed conflicted at your suggestion, probably wanting to take you back for safety reasons, but also not wanting to cut your time together short.

“And Guoba doesn’t me to go either, see?” And indeed you were correct! The bear was giving Xiangling the best puppy eyes he could while in possession of bear eyes, and you could tell it was working wonders on her

you could tell by the sudden slump of her shoulders that her internal battle had concluded, and you let a bright smile at her sheepish nods.

Now what misdeeds can you guys get into before getting caught??

[virtualvault]

Skip to Dessert

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

Summary: Having gotten into an argument with Miguel before dinner, you both find a way to let out your frustration.

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+ ONLY, afab reader, mentions of previous argument/ bickering, teasing, flirting with a stranger, flashing a stranger( he sees your underwear, waiter is kind of a perv/creep, exhibitionism(kind of), getting caught in the act, oral (f and m receiving) spanking, begging, dirt talk, rough sex ( let me know if I missed anything)

WC: 3.8K

A/N: Completely stopped writing for over a month. Oops. But I got the inspiration to write again so I decided to finish this Miguel fic that's been sitting half-finished for months. Enjoy!! Also, PSA, don't flash strangers or involve them in your sexual escapades unless you have their consent. Tried to write the waiter character like he was a creep who enjoyed it and this is fiction so no harm done, but please don't do that irl.

The tension in the car is palpable, but not the good kind of tension. Not the kind where lust and desire hang heavy in the air, where you can't bear to be apart even though you're right next to each other. Not the kind where you can't keep your hands off of each other and the temptation to pull over and submit to your desires right then and there feels impossible to resist.

On any other date night, this would be the norm, but tonight, a different tension is felt between you and Miguel. Residual feelings of frustration and annoyance brought on by the argument you two had back at the apartment. The disagreement was petty. Nothing that a little healthy communication couldn't resolve. But the incredibly stressful and tiring day you two had had both of your patience hanging on by a thread, and it was just a matter of time before one of you snapped. This time it just so happened to be you. 

You were both looking forward to finally spending some quality time together, considering both yours and Miguel's schedules are so hectic. But any bit of excitement you had vanished as you walked into your shared bathroom and tripped over the pile of clothes he left in the middle of the floor. You came to find out about this little habit of his when you first moved in together. You had brought it up to him, expressing your annoyance, and asked him to try and be mindful about it. He made a genuine effort to stop, only reverting to his old ways when he was in a rush or had a million things on his mind. Today seemed to be one of those days.

You growled annoyedly, and the second he walks through the bedroom door, you get on him about it. Was it right to take your frustration out on him? No. But you couldn't help it. He clearly wasn't in the best mood either, as he marched after you when you stormed off and started arguing right back. You two spent the next ten minutes bickering and even continued to mumble angrily to yourselves and throw around passive-aggressive comments as you got ready to go to dinner. 

It was a terrible way to start date night, but as you sat side by side in the car and the negative emotions started to dissipate, you both realized how silly it had all been, and you didn't want to let it ruin your night, not knowing the next time you'd be able to go out like this.

Although the irritation you were feeling earlier had subsided, you couldn't resist messing with him. Usually, when you get into petty disagreements, you both end up in bed, letting out your frustrations and subsequently making up by fucking each other silly. But you had reservations that had been made months in advance that you did not want to miss, leaving you with pent-up frustration, so you decide to find other means of letting it out. 

You plan to do that by pushing his buttons in hopes that he'll drag you off somewhere to fuck the attitude right out of you. As you peruse the menu, you begin contemplating different ways you could rile him up until you realize the perfect opportunity to do so is standing at the table, filling your water glass.

Conveniently, the waiter has been flirting with you from the very first moment he walked up to the table, something both you and Miguel picked up on, and it's safe to say your boyfriend is not thrilled about it. Normally, you wouldn't be either, but in this case, it's working to your advantage.

As he fills your glass, he doesn't even look you in the eyes, opting instead to stare directly at your chest. Any other time, you’d tell him off for being a creep, but you see Miguel staring daggers at him, and that makes you want to egg him on further. You notice his reaction out of the corner of your eye, but the waiter doesn't seem to. Now that you think about it, he hasn't acknowledged Miguel once, his gaze only straying from you long enough for him to fill the other glass before he's looking back at you.

You proceed to ask him a question about the menu, all while pushing your tits up on the table and giving him a full view down your blouse. He doesn’t try to hide the fact that he's shamelessly ogling your cleavage and, again, neglects to make eye contact with you as he answers your question. You giggle at everything he says, and you can see Miguel roll his eyes as you do so. After chatting with you longer than your boyfriend, or you presume even management, would deem necessary, he quickly jots down your orders and walks away. 

When he's out of earshot, Miguel asks, “What are you doing?”, looking unimpressed and letting you know he’s on to your little game. But you don’t care.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m being polite to our waiter. You should try it,” you answer, feigning ignorance.

He scoffs, “Polite? Yeah. Polite means saying please and thank you, not giving him a good look down your shirt and letting him fuck you with his eyes.”

“I can’t control what he does. It's not my fault he can’t resist sneaking a peek. You do the same thing,” you respond, raising one brow as you see his eyes fall to your chest, proving your point.

His eyes move back up quickly, and he says, "Well, I also fuck you till you can’t walk. You want to let him do that too?” 

His question has your mind conjuring up the memory of just last weekend when he gave it to you so good that you spent the next day recovering in bed. You remember the delicious ache he left you with, and you press your thighs together at the thought. 

“Maybe I should. If he’s capable of picking up after himself, I’d get down on my knees for him right now,” you sass. Knowing he won't let that slide, you wait for his reaction. He slams his hand on the table, not hard enough to draw the attention of the other patrons, but it got yours. 

“I said I'm sorry, ok? I was rushing out of the house this morning and I wasn't thinking. Will you just let it go?” He asks, the frustration clear in his voice. 

You playfully roll your eyes and try not to smile. You’re not upset anymore, and honestly, you weren't to begin with. You were just agitated because you had a particularly hard day at work. You just can’t help but push his buttons. You wouldn't taunt him like this if it wasn't something he does to you all the time. He's even admitted that he likes messing with you, riling you up just to see you wear that cute little annoyed pout on your face. So, you’re just giving him a taste of his own medicine.

“Fine. I shouldn’t be giving him a show. But how about you?” You ask in a sultry tone as you run your foot up his leg and lean forward, giving him the same view you gave the waiter just moments ago. 

He licks his lips at the sight. “Fuck, you look so good in that dress. Too bad I'm going to have to rip it off you,” he says, reaching down to your foot that has made its way to the inside of his thigh, and he softly caresses your ankle.

“You tear it, you die,” you warn. This dress was expensive, and you’d like to wear it more than once. You've lost more clothes than you can count to his lack of patience.

He chuckles. “Ok. Pull it off of you,” he corrects himself.

“I don’t know if I can wait,” you whine and glance over at the bathroom, mentally calculating if you'd have enough time to sneak off without anyone noticing.

“No, not after last time,” he replies, shaking his head and smiling at the memory. You two had been just a little too loud, and as you walked out, you were met with a very concerned hostess who came to make sure everything was alright.

You pout but agree; you’d like to save yourself from that embarrassment again. You decide to give him a view of what he's missing out on and spread your legs and pull up your dress, prompting Miguel to glance under the table. He spots the bright red mesh panties he had recently bought you but has yet to see you wear. 

“Naughty, naughty,” he says, shaking his head, but it takes everything in him to pull his eyes away as the waiter comes back, carrying your food. 

“Here you go.” He sets your plates down, Miguel’s first and then yours, and he smiles down at you, this time hungrily eyeing your lips.

You can see the anger on Miguel's face, and the brattiness bubbles up inside you again. You move your hand and knock your fork under the table, feigning an “oops.” 

“I’ve got it, miss.” Your waiter quickly offers and squats, moving to reach under the table. Legs still spread, he’s met with your clothed mound, and he stops in his tracks, lingering under the table.

Realizing what’s happening, Miguel uses his foot to push your knees together, blocking the waiter's view, and he retreats from under the table. The guy must not sense Miguel's anger, or he simply doesn’t care, because when you thank him for picking it up, he replies, “No problem, beautiful, I'll go get you another one.” He then places his hand on your arm while shooting you a wink. 

Miguel, having had enough of this little display, stands up, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a wad of cash. He proceeds to shove it into the waiter's chest, and the guy almost topples over. 

“Keep the change,” he grumbles and pulls you from your seat, guiding you out of the restaurant with his hand placed firmly on your lower back. 

“Decided to push your luck, huh?” He says as he opens the door to the back seat and pushes you inside. “Big mistake.” 

After shutting the door behind himself, he cages you in against the seat and begins grinding himself against you. Even through the layers of clothing, the friction feels divine, and your breath hitches.

“I can’t keep people from looking,” you try to reason, hoping you haven't genuinely upset Miguel. But judging by the way his hands run up and down your body, grabbing every slope and curve, it seems like you've garnered the reaction you'd been hoping for.

He kisses your neck and chest, moving down your body at a maddeningly slow pace, and continues to speak as he does so. 

“I’m not jealous because I know he wants to get with you. I love when you show your body off and all the looks you get. I get to see people crave so desperately for something they can’t have, for something only I can have.”

You feel your skin warming up, not only under his touch but at his confession. You know deep down he's never genuinely jealous. You've made it abundantly clear that you are his and that he is yours, and nothing and no one would ever come between the two of you. But knowing a part of him gets off on seeing other people staring at you or hitting on you all while knowing they'd never have a chance turns you on even more.

He finally gets down between your legs and slowly starts lifting your dress. He begins kissing and nipping at the newly exposed flesh of your thighs.

“What I didn’t like was the way he disrespected you by acting like a little perv. He’s at work for god's sake, and he has the nerve to be staring down your shirt and touching you. He’s lucky I didn’t reach over and break his wrists,” he says through gritted teeth as the image of the stranger touching you flashes in his mind and rekindles his anger.

The sentiment that he was more upset at the fact that the man was being touchy with you, which did make you uncomfortable and was unprofessional to say the least, was what upset him rather than a territorial thing did warm your heart. But the warmth blooming in your chest quickly relocates to your core as he places kisses across your panty-clad center.

"I'm not thrilled he got a glimpse of these," he comments as he massages you through the fabric. You hum at his touch.

"Maybe he wanted a taste," you tease and angle your hips closer to his face.

"If he tried that, he would’ve come out from under the table without any teeth," he threatens, and you know he isn't kidding.

“And a heel in his eye,” you add, disgusted at the thought of that creep trying anything on you.

He chuckles and slips your underwear off, and you hear a soft hum as he's faced with the sight he's been longing for. He momentarily drags his fingers through your folds, saying, “I can’t say I blame him for wanting a peek, though,” and then he dives in.

His skilled tongue has you cumming on his face quicker than you'd thought possible. As you come down, he's lifting his head, and you see your arousal dripping down his chin. The sight has you grabbing for him, and you pull him up to you. You lick up his chin and then capture his lips in a kiss, moaning at the taste of yourself on his tongue. 

You take advantage, as he's left a bit dazed by the heated kiss, and push him into a seated position with his back against the door. You hurriedly place yourself between his thighs, mirroring his position between yours. You undo his belt and pull him out. Always impressed with his size, you eye his length hungrily.

“Think he’s as big as you?” you ask, already knowing the answer, and begin stroking him slowly.

 He lets out a dry laugh, then says, “Not a chance.” 

The cocky tone with which he says it and the smirk on his face would make you cringe if it were anybody else, but you know he can back it up.

“He'd leave you disappointed, I know it. You can tell just by the way the little weasel carries himself,” he says, and there’s no doubt in your mind that he’s right.

Not able to resist any longer, you take him in your mouth. You grab him at the base and start moving your hand in tandem with your mouth, stroking up and down his dick while dragging your tongue on the underside of his length.

His head falls back and rests against the window as he gets lost in the feeling, bucking his hips every time you come up and swirl your tongue around his tip. His breathing starts getting ragged, and he gently pulls you off him. He holds you by your hair and brings your mouth to his; the kiss isn't too rough but is still filled with need.

You pull away and quickly shuffle onto all fours, facing the opposite window. He sits back, allowing you to position yourself comfortably, and appreciates the view as your ass sticks in the air. As you sink down onto your elbows, you teasingly wiggle your hips, and he smiles and grabs at the jiggling flesh before giving your ass a quick slap.

He positions himself behind you and begins rubbing his tip through your folds, repeatedly catching on your entrance, but doesn’t enter you like you desperately want him to. You whine, so he begins pushing his thick cock into you, but doesn’t get any further than his tip before he’s pulling out and rubbing his length through your folds once more.

He does this repeatedly, and not being able to take his teasing any longer, you whine, “Give it to me. Or should I go get what’s-his-name to do it for you?“

You suck in a harsh breath as he fully sheaths himself in you in one quick motion, and you feel your walls stretch around him. “Is that what you want?” he asks. 

“Mmhmm,” you reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as he begins moving slowly, allowing you to adjust to his size. When you begin reaching for him to get him to move faster, he knows you’re ready. He grips your hips and gives you faster, deeper thrusts that pull moans from both of you each time he bottoms out.

You both begin feeling the stress of the day melt away, adding to the mix of pleasure. The fatigue from the long day, and the never-ending problems and drama at work, and even the tension from the argument fade away as the pleasure overtakes both of you.

Your quick, shallow breaths and the way your toes curl let him know you’re getting close, and he reaches underneath you to start toying with your clit. This pushes you over the edge, and Miguel groans as he feels you pulsing around him.

He continues swirling his fingers around your clit to help you ride out your high, and you already feel your next climax building. You feel him begin to slow down and fuck into you at a gentler pace. Needing those deep thrusts back, you find yourself begging him to go faster.

“No, don’t stop! More, please. Please!” You plead as you reach behind you to grab the back of his thigh, urging him on.

He chuckles at the desperate tone in your voice. He pushes you down by your shoulders until your body is flush against the seat and then hikes your right leg up. As he’s shifting you into position, he says, “That boy wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like you. Look at you; you’re insatiable.”

You let out a sigh at the new position, his dick reaching deeper and his tip dragging along that spot inside you that has you squirming. Heeding your request, his pace quickens. His breathing quickens as well, making his impending release evident, and he tries to hold off, wanting to give you one more. 

“He looked like he was about to cum in his pants when he came up from under the table. No way he’d last long enough to give you what you need,” he continues.

“Think you can?” You tease as you look behind you and smirk, all while intentionally squeezing your walls. He lets out a low, throaty moan.

You continue clamping down on him intermittently, and his harsh grip on your hips and the deep furrow in his brow let you know he’s struggling to hold on. So naturally, you decide to tease him further. 

“Oh, I don’t think you can. I guess I’ll just have to get waiter boy to come and finish me off. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to.” You feel him place a firm grip on the back of your neck, and he uses the leverage to pull you to him and meet each of his thrusts.

Your mouth falls open and your eyes close at the feeling, but they fly open as you feel a harsh slap against your ass. You moan as he grips your stinging flesh and squeezes it in his hand.

“In. his. fucking. dreams.” He punctuates each word with a deliciously hard thrust. 

He begins rubbing your sensitive nub again, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. You barely muster the strength to lift your head as you hear Miguel mutter, “Speak of the devil.”

Confused, you attempt to focus your eyes and you see a shadowy figure rounding the side of the car. Miguel grabs the back of your head and smooshes it against the glass. As the person comes into full view, you see the familiar face of your waiter as he stands in front of the window. The fog that has formed on the glass makes it impossible for him to see anything but your face, but he definitely sees you. You know you should try to hide, but in the moment, you don’t care. It all feels so good, and you’re too cock-drunk to think or act with any reason.

The waiter looks confused, and then you see his face redden as he realizes what’s going on. He stands there for a minute, listening to your muffled moans through the window.

“Tell him who gets to fuck you,” Miguel commands.

You barely hear what he says as you feel the pressure building in your core. You babble out some incoherent response, so he repeats himself.

“Tell him. Tell him who gets to fuck you.” He’s rubbing at your clit even faster now, and you squeal at the almost overwhelming sensation.

“You, Miguel! Only you get to fuck me like this!” You finally answer. You’re not sure if the waiter heard what you said, but the way his eyes widen makes you think he does. Having the creep hear what he wanted him to hear, Miguel leans over and bangs on the glass, effectively startling the guy. He jumps at the sound and when he quickly tears his eyes away from you and shuffles away hurriedly.

As he steps away, you finally let go, and you topple over the edge once again. You shake underneath Miguel as he holds you to him, reaching his release as well. He kisses down the back of our neck before pulling out and flipping you over, so you’re face to face.

“Think he got the message?” Miguel asks, his face flushed as he attempts to catch his breath.

You cradle his face and push his hair back, admiring the view of him hovering above you. You pull his lips yours and kiss him deeply before pulling away to place a few soft kisses on his face, and he does the same to you in return.

“Yeah, I think he heard you loud and clear,” you respond.

"No, I think he heard you loud and clear,” he counters and laughs when you playfully smack his chest. You cover your eyes with your hand and groan as the reality of what you just did sets in.

“Well, I guess we can never come back here,” you say dejectedly as you mentally add this restaurant to the list of places you can no longer go because of you and Miguel’s collective lack of control.

He chuckles, and you pull your hand away and look him in the eyes. “It’s not funny! If we’re not careful, we won’t be able to show our face anywhere in this town,” you say playfully.

“Eh, worth it,” he responds, kissing your forehead.

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[lifeinniceisnice]

My manifesting success stories

Alright, seeing how you guys seem interested, have some sucess stories regarding my manifesting.

Divider because this post is lengthy af, so you may wanna take some time to read the entire thing

First success story, first time on the track:

To start off, as you guys know, i am planning to shift to a DR where i'm a F1 driver (I had that plan since April of 2023 i think), and i know i would always make sure whever i drive in a simulator that it's as realistic as possible (Yup, sim racing is one of my active hobbies), and i would drive F1 cars or any other single seaters the most. But back to topic since you guys are here for the loa stuff. While racing, i'd often manifest and tell myself: "I will be in that seat", "This will be my POV", etc. and i would also mainly do that while driving karts. And then, a few days ago, i ended up going out of town, and when Sunday came, i was finally in that kart seat. I had the helmet on for real. I was there. It was so fun, i enjoyed it a lot, and while i was driving a kart in 3D, i was also driving F1 in 4D, just because i can do what i want in 4D. Not to mention how driving in a simulator also helped me a lot with driving irl, so i guess i also manifested my driving style.

Second success story, becoming eye catching:

Yesterday was a day that would help me battle my insecurity. I remember genuinely hating how i looked, and how i would refuse to go out because i knew i looked like a joke. Not to mention how i was also trapped in a toxic friendship where i was even forced to stay up past how much i could handle, but i digress. May was a turning point for me, as i managed to get out of that toxic friendship, but i was in a pretty low point. Anyways, late June was when i realized: "Damn, i really let myself go", and decided to start getting back on track, and i even have plans to go to the gym this fall. At the time of this post, it's been 19 days since i started training, and while i was doing so, i was repeating affirmations about me being attractive and how i would be noticed by girls. And yesterday, i went out for a lengthy walk to kill a hour or two, and i did get noticed by 2-3 girls, and surprisingly, one of them even looked like a s/o from my DR (I don't feel like sharing who's my s/o yet, even though two of my friends online know who it is, sorry). And the night i came back home, i continued the affirmations, and i'm hoping they will work.

I hope these experiences of mine help you with encouragement, and reassure you that it IS possible if you intend it. Now you better manifest some of your wishes, and remember: They CAN, and they WILL come true.

[thv-jk97]

Let me provide you with some facts about these episodes:

Jimin went to New York to support Jungkook’s solo debut and he’s the only member that did 😋

Jimin and Jungkook decided to go on a trip together and film it for their fans

Despite being busy, Jimin and Jungkook still made each other a priority and wanted to hang out, but couldn't because they were busy with their solo schedules

Despite being sick, Jimin and Jungkook still chose to film the show together because they wanted to

Jungkook took care of Jimin the entire time he wasn’t feeling well 🤧

Jimin kept making sure that Jungkook was taking care of himself

Jungkook built a stone tower and wished for Jimin to feel better 💞

Jungkook took his microphone off when he went into Jimin’s room and there’s no camera footage of that moment 🤭🤭

Jungkook was worried about Jimin burning his legs while they were riding the motorcycle together

They didn’t have any more plans to film episodes after the US but they wanted to spend more time together and went on two more trips together

The only reason that V is included is because he insisted on going with them

These are only some of the points I have, but there are so many more! I don’t know how you taekookers have been twisting these episodes up as some proof that Jimin and Jungkook don’t love each other. The truth is that they love each other so much that they willingly chose to enlist together for the entirety of their military service and nothing you or anyone says will ever change that fact. You can keep being in denial and keep suffering because jikook will always show us the truth.

Oh, anon 😅

I actually sent a screenshot of your ask to an irl friend to make fun of how delulu you are, but they wrote an excellent response that I wanted to share:

• Jimin went to New York to support Jungkook's solo debut and he's the only member that did

False. Jimin didn't even go to see Jungkook's performance, which the show confirmed. It's pretty clear at this point that he went to New York specifically to film the travel show.

• Jimin and Jungkook decided to go on a trip together and film it for their fans.

True, but you've phrased it in a way that intentionally emphasizes that they went on a trip and downplays the fact that it was filmed for fans, as though that was an afterthought rather than the primary goal. It would fit the facts presented to us by Jimin and Jungkook better to say, "Jimin and Jungkook wanted to record a travel show for fans." The travel show, not the trip, was the point, as evidenced by the fact that the idea originated with the concept of recording content, not with the idea of taking a trip together.

• Despite being busy, Jimin and Jungkook still made each other a priority and wanted to hang out, but couldn't because they were busy with their solo schedules.

False. Both Jimin and Jungkook spent time with other members during their solo schedules, which clearly shows that they could have spent time together if they had truly prioritized it, but they didn't. They also clearly state in the show that while one of them was busy, the other of them who was free at the time still didn't make the effort to reach out, telling us in their own words that it wasn't busy schedules that kept them from prioritizing time together. 

• Despite being sick, Jimin and Jungkook still chose to film the show together because they wanted to.

Technically this is an assumption, because while we know that they were both sick and that they filmed the show regardless, we don't know why they did it or how much choice they felt they had in the matter at that point.  I don't really disagree with you but it isn't technically a fact the way you've worded it.

• Jungkook took care of Jimin the entire time he wasn't feeling well.

False -- or at best, a deep stretch.  At one point, Jungkook handed Jimin some Pepto Bismol that the staff brought for him.  Other than that, truly, what did Jungkook do to take care of him?  He cooked sometimes, but Jimin helped cook too. 

• Jimin kept making sure that Jungkook was taking care of himself.

True -- I'll give you this one even though I think this is a bit of a stretch too.  Jimin showed concern over Jungkook being able to perform well since he had a cold/sore throat, I'll agree with you there.  That was sweet of him, he cares about Jungkook a lot.

• Jungkook built a stone tower and wished for Jimin to feel better.

This is an assumption.  Jungkook did build a stone tower, but there's nothing in the show to suggest that he did it with Jimin in mind, this is an invention of fans.  He was sitting around alone and built the tower, then quietly made a wish without sharing what it was for.  He specifically told Jimin to make his own wish when he came out of the cabin later.  There's no indication in the show that he did this for Jimin or with thoughts of Jimin.

• Jungkook took his microphone off when he went into Jimin's room and there's no camera footage of that moment.

True, but as a fact this means nothing.  Your implication is bizarre because if they'd wanted any sort of real privacy, they could have gone on a private trip instead of filming a TV show.

• Jungkook was worried about Jimin burning his legs while they were riding the motorcycle together.

True -- Jungkook was considerate in letting Jimin know that it would be hot.  Seems like it isn't something Jimin was already familiar with, so they must not have done this together before.

• They didn't have any more plans to film episodes after the US but they wanted to spend more time together and went on two more trips together.

This is a fact mixed with an assumption, which is a common fallacy in Jikooker arguments.  It's true that the idea to film more episodes came from Jimin and Jungkook themselves, per the Forbes article BH shared.  However, also per that article, the motivation was to "do something more as a gift to fans," rather than specifically to spend more time together as you've stated (something that they could easily do alone together, with no staff or crew, and in their own home city, if they wanted to).

• The only reason that V is included is because he insisted on going with them.

False.  For one thing, Tae was already included in the show within the first few minutes, when Jimin mentioned him.  He was then brought up again by Jungkook, talked about by Jimin, and Jungkook offered to call him. He's literally already appeared on the show for the sole reason that Jimin and Jungkook were thinking of him.  Additionally, there have been multiple sources explaining the meaning of Jungkook's words in Korean as more accurately, "he came without hesitation/without thinking much," rather than the "he really insisted" shown in the English subtitles, and this interpretation is corroborated by the official subtitles in other languages as well.

You end your list by saying that Taekookers are trying to twist these episodes to say that Jungkook and Jimin don't love each other.  Maybe some are, but from what I've seen, most Taekookers accept that Jimin and Jungkook love each other very much -- as familial, good friends who have been very close for a very long time.  It's Jikookers who try to twist the reality of their bond into something it isn't, despite their own words and their own clear demonstrations of the love that they do feel for each other, and for the other members, including Taehyung -- even going so far as to create fantasies from no evidence and present them as facts.

Me rn:

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[w2soneshots]

Trust -W2S

words: 0.9k+

warnings: angst, jealousy, argument.

summary: you and Simon have known each other all your lives but everything changes when he meets a certain girl.

notes: I absolutely love Talia! This does in no way represent her irl🤍

I've known Simon my entire life. I met him during my first year in preschool, and we immediately became inseparable. We also share a birthday (7th of September). Since I moved to London with Simon I naturally became great friends with the boys, along with Freya and Faith. Our relationship has always been completely platonic, he's like a brother to me and I wouldn't dream of ever going near him in that way. Each girlfriend he's had has always seemed liked me, I presume it's because I make sure that they know I'm a girls girl and always make an effort to become their friend too.

Until he met Talia. She has made it very clear that she doesn't trust me, which completely confused me since I've been nothing but nice to her. It's been 3 months since Simon met her and I've barely seen him. He avoids me at parties, every night out and rarely replies to any of my messages.

One night during a party at JJ's apartment... as I walked towards the counter containing all the alcohol I realised Simon was leaning there with his back against the marble and arms crossed. I took a deep breath and quickly lent over him to grab one of the red cups. "What are you doing?!" My brows furrowed as I quickly turned around. Talia stood in front of me with an angry look on her face. "Getting a drink?" I replied. "Didn't look like it." She retaliated angrily. I turned my head to Simon. He stood sheepishly looking at the ground. I huffed "you know what, I'm so fucking tired of your shit. Both of you!" I shouted. Everyone quickly gathered around the kitchen area. "I've known him my whole fucking life!" I spat in Talia's face. When nether of them said a word I shook my head in disbelief, grabbed my things and left, with a quick "sorry" to JJ on my way out.

That night I got a text from Harry checking if I was alright and after that we became close, sitting in the corner and chatting amongst ourselves at parties and nights out (that he'd made sure I was invited to), going round to each other's houses to watch a movie (even though he hates them) and eat takeout, texting constantly, etc.

One night while we were sat on my sofa, my feet perched comfortably on his lap, he told me he liked me. Surprisingly it wasn't at all awkward and I quickly told him I felt the same. When we told everyone they seemed very happy for us. I didn't personally tell Simon but I believe JJ informed him about it, which felt weird because we always told each other everything.

Soon after Harry asked me to be his girlfriend while we were on a date in a cute restaurant, obviously I said yes. It continued on like that for another few weeks. I seriously missed Simon, I mean we've known each other forever. We did everything together and I'm so incredibly appreciative of Harry but I just feel like something's missing. So for the first time in months I decided to text him.

y/n:

Hey, how are you?

Simon:

I'm good

You?

y/n:

Fine

I miss you

Simon:

I miss you too

How are you and Harry?

y/n:

Really good

I'm glad he's been here for me when you weren't

Simon:

I'm sorry.

Are you free tomorrow?

y/n:

Why?

Simon:

Talia wants to apologise

And so do I

That message shocked me. I told him I was free so I'm going round to his apartment tomorrow at 1.

The next day... I woke up relatively early, got dressed into some comfy clothes, did my skincare, hair, then had some breakfast. Once I was finished it was almost 1 so I grabbed my phone and left.

When I arrived outside the apartment building I let myself in using the code that I've had memorised for years, said a quick "hello" to the receptionist then made my way up through the lift. I knocked on Simon's door. And played with my hands while I waited. The door clicked, I took a deep breath. He stood with a comforting smile on his face. "Come in." He said, stepping aside. I nervously walked into the apartment, then he led me towards the living room, where Talia sat on the sofa. Both me and Simon sat down. It was silent for a moment before Talia spoke "I'm ready sorry y/n," she began "I should've trusted you. I- I was just a little intimidated by how good you and Simon's friendship was and I was worried he'd chose you over me." I smiled lightly. "I understand." Her head shot up. "You do?" She questioned. I nodded "I'd feel the same way, but if you'd just gotten to know me you'd have realised that I seriously wouldn't go near him with a six foot pole." "Oi!" Simon shouted, offended. Talia laughed.

After almost an hour sat in the apartment it became considerably less awkward, and I realised that Talia was actually a really nice girl. Simon also apologised for pushing me away and since life's too short to hold grudges I easily forgave them both.

[momentsofamber]

so the other day my partner and I were talking about genetics ( science is his static SpIn ) and how the odds of their parents eyes in tcoaal would determine the kids' odds of having which color if their mother's green was a mutation ( based on how often their mom's shade changes between scenes, we decided it was like tcoaal hazel ) and if their father's pink was a dominant gene ( like brown irl ) and just looking at the odds data, it made me realize ... I kinda want to do multiple universes?

this is just some spitballing, but stay with me for a moment.

Role-Reversal: ( pink Andrew, green Ashley )

Andrew never outgrows the name Andy; his baby sister was the first person to call him that and that was that, that's his name forever.

Ashley goes by Lye as an adult; she went by Leyley as a child and Lye later became a nickname from it.

( rando: what's Lye short for? Lye: Leyley. rando: ... what? No, really. Lye: Reaaally ... Andy, nonchalantly: It's Ash-ley. Lye: -glaaare- Who cares what it used to be short for, it's just Lye now, okay? )

( Andy: 'Andy and Ashley' sounds so much better for a duo. You have to agree with me, right? Lye, flatly amused: ... You mean you don't like the sound of 'Andrew and Lye'? Andy, eyetwitch but pointedly ignoring that: So as I was saying -- )

These two will follow the canon story(ies) with everything as mirrored as it can be.

yandere twins: ( pink Andrew, pink Ashley )

not actually twins. but kind of.

they were born on the same day two years apart and share the same shade of pink eyes.

both have clinical bpd ( Andy w/ hpd traits, Leyley w/ aspd traits ) and thus suffer from and frequently demonstrate symptoms of obsessive and/or lovesick tendencies.

they've been sexually involved with each other since Andy hit puberty. of course Andy hits it first, being two years older, but they don't have intercourse until Leyley hits puberty too. Andy says their "real first time" 'won't be as special for Leyley if her body isn't ready for such a mature experience too'. it's torture for him to watch and wait for his sister to blossom, and Leyley repeatedly insists that 'no, she's ready NOW though!!' … but it does end up being well-worth the wait for both of them.

violence is flirting for these two.

'Do you know how badly I wanna kill you right now? Just so that I'll be the very last thing you'll ever see and feel.' is romantic.

they continue to use Andy and Leyley as names into adulthood no matter how often they get told it's childish or whatever.

kuudere twins: ( green Andrew, green Ashley )

same premise as above but the not-twins share green eyes. ( however, there is a high chance I will give them different shades due to their mother's eye color being a mutation. )

Andrew goes by Drew as an adult because he says Andy is 'too childish' now.

Ashley legally changes her name to Lillian as an adult so that she can go by Lily for short because it's close to Leyley and 'she doesn't feel like an Ashley and she never did'.

both Drew and Lily respect each other's name preferences and only use Andy and Leyley to refer to themselves or each other in the past.

their mother continues to call Lily 'Ashley' out of spite to the day that she dies because 'I named you, so that's what I'm calling you'.

these two are better at communicating their attachment and feelings for each other through things like physical touch and acts of service.

they both definitely have alexithymia.

they often don't quite know how to say things with words so they try to show things instead. ( sometimes they jokingly call their ability to communicate without words a twin bond. )

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for staying friendly with my ex when it upsets my girlfriend?

Ok so I (36f) realized I’m actually very gay about 6 years into a marriage with my ex-husband (34m). I was raised hella fundie Christian and it took a lot of unlearning and time in a safe place to really understand myself and my sexuality. My ex husband is a really sweet, wholesome person (the literal definition of himbo. I swear he’s Kronk IRL). We took a really long time ending our marriage to make sure we both felt respected and honored through the process and I didn’t want him to feel like I was casting him aside for something frivolous, but that I was giving our relationship the gentle ending it deserved.

We’re still good friends, I mean it’s still kinda fresh but we still text each other about football and soccer and the dog we shared (he has the dog, a mutual decision, he just updates me on how he’s doing and all the funny stuff he does). There’s no romance at all, just two people who decided they were better off as friends, and are friendly.

I started dating my girlfriend about 3 months ago, but I’ve known her for ten years. We are so so good together and it’s a genuinely healthy, open communication relationship and we do so well, but she has a really traumatic ex that did a number on her and her self confidence. (Like, I’m a very non-violent person but I would hip-check that bitch in front of a bus given the opportunity.)

My ex and I used to rib each other about football and rivals and blah blah but they played against each other today so I texted and asked if he was watching.

My girlfriend got really quiet and subdued when I showed her what we were talking about. It took about an hour but she told me her ex used to pretend to be bros with her roommate but was actually cheating on her with him behind her back, and I guess it triggered that feeling of betrayal in her and we talked it out, but I can tell it’s still bothering her.

I understand how she’s feeling insecure about this, and I’ve tried to reassure her so many ways, but I can tell it still weighs on her. I spent a very long time making sure my ex and I ended our marriage on a positive note, but it still feels like I’m doing something wrong because it upsets my girlfriend. I’m not sure if I’m the asshole for still texting and having casual conversations (we live 1000 miles apart now so it’s always just a text chit chat), but we’re friends and went through a lot of grief to make sure we didn’t hate each other at the end of everything.

I still feel like I’m doing something wrong though. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[ryuichirou]

Re: Gaslighter Rook. I wanna preface this by saying ofc people are free to hc whatever they want but I have some issues with what the other person said and how dismissive they acted about the whole thing. I apologize if this invites drama or discourse, that is absolutely not my intention, I moreso just want to share the other side's point of view for the sake of balance since you said you don't mind civil discussion even if we disagree. Firstly, yes a lot of the arguments for this come from the labcoat vignette. However, it is not all just because of one line. In the same vignette, Rook tells Vil he can't trust his own eyes because Rook knows him better than Vil knows himself which is a very common gaslighter tactic. He then further mentions that people will leave him unless he does what Rook tells him to and puts down the "me or everyone else" argument. Rook further tries to undermine Vil's ability to trust other people in Vil's dorm vignette by saying the other dorm members would never appreciate Vil's efforts for them even if they knew about them – a blatant lie that however still makes Vil withdraw from talking to them about it. During Vil's overblot, Rook refuses to give Vil personal space while he's having a mental breakdown and repeatedly asserts that Vil "doesn't deserve" it as well as claiming to be responsible for punishing him. After VDC, Rook not only claims that his vote was the deciding one despite having no way of knowing that but also claims it was the objectively correct thing to do as, again, Vil didn't deserve to win, simply because having a mental breakdown is ugly (since he was referring to the overblot, not the attempted cursing – which was never confirmed to be intended to be lethal by the way, that was also just Rook's assumption, one Vil, a character who already struggles to communicate with people especially if he feels they see him negatively, didn't fight but also didn't confirm). I also take issue with the claim that it cannot be abuse just because Vil respects Rook. Even ignoring how often irl abuse victims don't realize they're abused because of their warped perception of their abuser, we have examples of this even in twst. Mrs. Rosehearts wasn't a wonderful mother who suddenly became abusive when Riddle stopped making excuses for her behavior. Abuse doesn't stop being abuse because it isn't recognized and to a lot of us gaslighting victims, Rook's behavior is spot-on with things we went through, hence why we call him a gaslighter. Oh and a small note before anyone claims anything, according to multiple psychology sources, gaslighters aren't always aware of what they are doing. Me and others calling Rook a gaslighter don't automatically mean he WANTS to be evil toward Vil. Some of us see it that way while others don't but regardless, acting as though this headcanon comes from one single out of context line and not from a pattern of behavior Rook consistently displays feels very disingenuous and like it's trying to make us seem crazy when all we try to do is explain why we may not be comfortable with a character.

You don’t have to explain why you are uncomfortable. Neither me nor that Anon have made any judgment about it, and frankly, who cares why you don’t like a character. You don’t need reasoning for not liking him, a person might just think Rook’s hair is stupid or dislike characters with green eyes, and that’s enough. None of this makes you crazy, and this isn’t that deep.

If you look at the first ever reply I did on this topic, I said it then (and after that I said it time and time again):

Based on what you’re saying, your opinion is influenced by your past experiences. Which isn’t a bad thing, we all have our own biases, but it makes a proper discussion quite difficult, especially when there is trauma involved.

Because we love Rook as much as you hate him, and I fail to see why we should align our feelings and experiences with yours. This is not a public debate platform, this is not a discord server, this is my personal blog, and my opinion is always going to be prevalent here. I usually try to take the position “agree to disagree” also to avoid situations like this.

You’ve said that you just want to explain and share your side of the conversation, but in that case claiming that the other side’s opinion is dangerous or uninformed is a pretty shitty thing to do, just as it is shitty to completely ignore the points they were trying to make and put words into their mouths instead, alluding to them victimblaming and dismissing real victim’s struggles. What I’ve said multiple times at this point is that Rook Hunt isn’t a gaslighter. Not that it’s Vil’s fault for trusting him, not that if Vil respects him that it automatically makes Rook not an abuser (Anon didn’t say that either). Not that Rook is always right. Not that Rook has never hurt Vil. I’ve even said that we can’t say for certain that Rook’s brutal honesty is always helpful and doesn’t affect Vil in any bad way:

Maybe sometimes it would be better for Vil to just take it easy and relax instead of perfecting every single thing, but this isn’t what Vil wants for himself: he doesn’t want to be pampered, he wants to be appreciated for his hard work.

Just because this is what Vil wants doesn’t mean that this is what’s best for him. I still don’t think that it makes Rook an abuser, by the way (which is also a completely different topic from Rook being a gaslighter). You have ignored every single argument I’ve made in all of my previous replies, which is fine, but then I don’t really see the reason for you to explain yourself if you’re not even going to listen to me again.

No one tried to paint you as crazy, and even if I or Anon thought that this entire argument (argument, not you) was weird, it doesn’t concern you. If Rook Hunt hurts you, why would you even interact with any discourse about him? Why did that very first Anon confront me for not calling Rook a gaslighter, if all you (collective “you”) people wish for is to explain your point of view? I am not an emperor of Rook Hunt land; I am a rando writing hcs about dicks on the internet. And Rook Hunt is a character of a gacha game.

I’ll repost another thing from my very first reply.

Just ignore shit that you don’t like because while it might be traumatic for you, to us it might be one of the few things that bring us happiness.

Please read this part carefully. And respectfully, let’s stop this. I don’t agree with any of your points/interpretation, I find them drastically off from Rook’s actual characterisation to the point that it’s almost baffling at times (I have read all the scenes you’ve mentioned and I disagree with your every single point.) And guess what, it’s absolutely okay. Like I, wow, have said time and time again, we all have our biases. Yours happens to be to read everything that Rook does in the worst way possible and to compare him to Riddle’s mom. Mine happens to be very different, and insisting on me just missing the point or thinking or feeling the wrong way or not being educated enough about gaslighting or abuse (something that I also experienced, and you are aware of that) feels pretty disrespectful. This isn’t what I meant when I said that I don’t mind a civil conversation. This doesn’t feel like a conversation. Because, you know…

Even if it feels completely off to how I view it, I can appreciate or at least respect it if they respect the way I do things. And don’t imply that I don’t get it or I am stupid.

I won’t write an actual rebuttal to your points because one thing hasn’t changed from my very first post about the topic: this isn’t about Rook Hunt. And I don’t want to discuss the so-called danger of fictional tropes that don’t even apply to the character in my view. Also, stating that the way I headcanon a character’s behaviour and share my thoughts with others is dangerous to other people in real life (because someone is going to take my opinion as a course for their actions, I guess?) is also ironic. Why isn’t me drawing problematic ships or writing dark headcanons dangerous then? It’s the same logic, I have heard this argument multiple times, and I fail to see how it’s different right now. Rook Hunt is not a real person, we see his interactions with others from all points of view, he has actual writers with their own intentions (none of which is to portray Rook as a terrible, atrocious person, he’s not even 100% a villain, he’s a character that helped the princess in the original story, and I believe that his writers keep that in mind, ffs), and it is drastically different from the way I would treat this situation in real life: exactly because I would have to base my opinion on the lack of other perspectives and not witnessing the situations myself, and a bunch of other factors connected to the fact that this is real life, and in those cases I would prioritise the victim of someone’s suspicious actions. What a surprise.

I also believe that Katsu and I did our part so you could easily ignore our Rook-centric posts that make you uncomfortable. So please do your part and don’t interact with our Rook-centric posts (this applies to anyone who is deeply uncomfortable with this character or any other character, for that matter). Coming up with ways to mention Rook in posts so it's easily mutable for you and only you and still getting treated like an abuse apologist who spreads dangerous ideas makes one feel kind of silly for ever trying to be considerate and respectful. You’ll have to come up with ways to deal with that on your own now. This conversation is over.

This is also the last post I’m writing on this topic, every follow-up ask or comment about it (from anyone, anywhere) won’t be replied to.