#i did not have actual food for 3 solid years and even when i turned 10 and started cooking thats when i went vegan so

[swagging-back-to]

baffles me when people go "im hungry" then the other person gets up and retrieves them food.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Taiwan has one show, but that's all they need

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

April 2024 Wk 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Two Worlds (Thurs IQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I don’t say this often but I LOVE this love triangle. The longing gazes = chef's kiss. I like that we are finally getting flashbacks to Tai’s side of the love affaire. This show remains highly engaging. So pleased for MaxNat.  

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 5 of 8 - More lesbians! Yay! Meanwhile, when our leads make up they make out! (Yes I’m proud of myself.) I think this might be BLs first rooftop sex scene. We’ve reached new heights, BLabies. (Yes I’m proud of that too.) Anygay, basically a soap opera at this point, I'm not thrilled but I don’t mind.

"Do you apologize for being straight?"

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - It was lovely. Very well done celebrity leaving the closet ep. Nice ensemble work too. Next week is doom! As expected. 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - New main couple for GMMTV in an idol romance about a boy who dances good and a food stand vendor. It’s fine but overly very pulp feeling for something from GMMTV. I'm a little concerned.

1000 Years Old (Thurs iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - meh.

To Be Continued (Sat C3 Thailand grey) ep 7 of 8 - Never turned up on my usual sites. So will have to wait until next week. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Unknown (Taiwan Tues YouTube & Viki) ep 7 of 11 - Qian was, indeed, the one who couldn’t let go. This show is fucking fantastic. It's the best thing I'm watching right now by a mile.

Jazz for Two (Korea Gaga/grey) eps 3-8fin - The bully and the blue-haired drummer side pairing were great. I hated the father. Hated him so much. Our main tsundere seme was a bit too tsundere for me. I was v annoyed by the time he finally softened. I'm amused by all the ways they finagled boys kissin-but-not-kissing in the first half of this show. 2024's "pan around the back of the head" has now become a "dipping of the brolly." We did, however, eventually get an okay kiss.

Honestly?

This was basically what I wanted from Given and didn’t get. So I’m pleased. The music still wasn't great, but you can skip those bits. A solid enemies to lovers BL, where the sins of brothers' past haunts the present. Great optics, decent chemistry, and a tidy script even if tsundere characterization went a bit extreme in some cases. 8/10 RECOMMENDED trigger for suicide

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - We got the past betrayal in detail and it was decently bad. Bitterness understood. Too soon to live together! The BL U-Haul strikes again. I do like their weird curry passive aggressive argument. This is an interesting show. Do I LOVE it? No. But I think I like it.

On a not-really-related note: adoption, including adult adoption, is actually pretty common in Japan (comparatively). It's often tied to business scionism.

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8fin - It all turned out to be a tragic GL in the end. Not BL = not my problem. No rating. I will forget its existence right about… now. 

Love is like a Cat (Korea Mon Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Okay, weirdly kinky with the head scratching. Not much has happened and I’m not wild about what has. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I suck

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps

It's airing but...

We Are (Weds GMMTV iQIYI) ep 1 of 16 - University ensemble BL featuring PondPhuwin, WinnySatang, AouBoom, MarcPawinPoon - basically the good kind of messy gay friendship group (so more My Engineer and less Only Friends). Looks a bit like the Kiss series but everyone is queer. I'm IN but I need my other computer and I'm traveling as usual. So I'll get caught up next week and probably won't regularly be able to watch this one.

Graduation Countdown (Taiwan YouTube) - It's too much for me to keep up with 2 minute verticals, I don't have that kind of TikTok endurance training.

A Secretly Love (Thai Sat WeTV grey) 10 eps - Completed. Worth watching?

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

Kiseki Chapter 2 (Sun iQIYI) 6 eps - It’s so boring DNFed at 2.

Close Friend Season 3: Soju Bomb! (Weds iQIYI) 6 - The problem with situational comedy BL is it must be situational, comedic and a BL. This show gets 1 of 3 claims correct. 33% is not a passing grade. Dropped at 3.

In the news

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari is getting the undeserved honor of Furritsubs. Follow them for details. Tip 'em if you like 'em. (Will I watch it? Oh, probably. Damn it.)

Then Next Prince turned out to be a trailer only. Word on the webs is we will be lucky if we get it this year. It’s BL Princess Diaries. Jimmy has a new pairing (that boy from Night Dream) which is... interesting. All in all, this show does not look good. Pretty but not good.

Next Week Looks Like This:

4/11 Gray Shelter AKA Gray Currents (Korea ????) 4 eps - SooHyuk is only just surviving and reunites with YoonDae, an old friend. They end up living together. One of the leads is played by Choco of Choco Milk Shake.

4/12 Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Kindly Ryota goes off to uni only to find his new roommate is his childhood bestie, Kazuhito. Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend and Ryota tries to help him figure out why, they fall in love along the way. Same director as Old Fashion Cupcake.

Still to Come in April

4/18 At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - Yuki lands his first starring role in a BL drama alongside superstar Asami (previously his senior at uni). Said superstar suggests they form a sham relationship until filming concludes. As they actually begin to fall in love, the spotlight begins to burn. I think I've seen this before (joke) and also the trailer doesn't inspire confidence.

4/26 My Stand-In (Thai iQIYI) 12 eps - adaptation of Chinese novel "Professional Body Double" by Shui Qiang Cheng. Stars Up (Lovely Writer) and Poom (Bake Me Please) directed by the same team as KP (not a recommendation IMHO - my biggest criticism of that show was the clashing directing styles). This one looks well complicated, lemme try: Joe is a stuntman for famous actor Tong. Joe falls in love with Ming but Ming sees Joe as nothing more than a Tong-replacement. After learning this horrible truth, Joe dies. Joe then wakes up in the body of another man also named Joe. He manages to rebuild the same life as before—with the same people eventually re-meeting Ming. Ming wants Joe back but Joe doesn't understand why. But Ming seems to know what's going on and wants to give him some kind of explanation.

I'm exhausted just trying to describe the plot.

Knock-Knock Boys (Thai WeTV) - 4 college friends conspire to help their friend lose his virginity. Familiar faces like Seng (yes, Billy's previous partner) and Best, news here.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

NOTE: It looks like one of my personal favorites of last year Unintentional Love Story is getting a spin off!

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

See City of Stars & Unknown.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are too much work.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[volturissideslut]

What if the Humans adopt a child just to see what’s so special about humans and why the Cullens like them so much, not knowing how troublesome a 8 year old can be?

𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖎

strap in because this is going to be one hell of a ride (also I'm assuming asker meant volturi adopt a chaotic human child)

Aro, ever the curious one, cannot even fathom why dear Carlisle cares so much for these... creatures

And it's been like over 3000 years since he was human and he can't really remember much about living

It would also help if it would stop making Marcus be such a miserable slab of stone, and perhaps even Caius could do with a new toy

It just seemed like destiny when an 8 year old child strayed from the feeding group one day, too entertained by chasing a fat tabby cat that had jumped the wall to the garden

Whatever parent or guardian that came with seemingly hadn't noticed - not that they were alive long enough too

And, of course, Felix was the one to deliver the child to Master Aro considering he's the only one with a modium of decorum or respect for life in the castle

Any of the other guards would have eaten you on sight to be honest (they wouldn't in the future but you're just some random human child right now, they don't care about you yet)

Aro takes one look at you're little form, sticky fingers; muddy knees; grazed elbows; a leaf in your hair

Perfect

They're keeping you

easy, right?

wrong

Why is a overexcited yet hysterical human child such a lovable inconvenience, you may ask

well

1) none of them can fully keep track of you're emotions,why are children so confusing???

2) they can't fully keep track of your whereabout either

"HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET OF THE ROOF YOU HEATHEN CHILD" - Caius probably

3) they know nothing, and I mean nothing, about humans. Expect them to ask the secratery for help next time you're sobbing, only to find out you're hungry because they haven't fed you a proper meal in days thinking you'd forage for it yourself

I swear Marcus is the only one who is knowledgeable, despite how small it is

"the child requires sustinence again" - Jane, fed up of this shit

4) they're used to the traumatic stuff of vampire life, you are not, they don't realise that

poor kid is gonna be so traumatised, by the age of 10 killing someone over cereal seems socially acceptable

At least Caius actually has a soft spot for you, otherwise you'd be dead dead by now

Marcus reads you bedtime stories

Aro wants you to grow up appreciating everything he does, there are many 'daddy/daughter dates' where he takes you to see plays, musicals, concerts, or whatever that he deems suitable

Caius pretends to be impressed with your drawings and fakes excitement at whatever lego monstrosity you've made

Alec shows you the world, taking you around on his days off to Scotland, Brazil, India or wherever you randomly point to on a map

Felix let's you use his cloak as a blanket when he's not using it, you like to play with it and use it for dens and pillow forts (it can also be used as one of those massive fabric parachute tent bubble thingys the class played with in nursery/FS1/kindergarten and hid under (you know what I'm talking about))

Demitri let's you win at hide and seek despite his gift letting him know where you are at all times. He is also not above pretending to play to keep you out the way and quiet for a solid five minutes before you come out giggling saying you won again

Jane will capture butterflies and set them free with you because she knows you love them and you also love to chase them

The queen's are always dressing you up like a doll and doing your hair, they basically get a list from the secratery of everything humans need (food, water, socialising etc) and fulfil those needs for you

The secratery is the only one who actually knows what you want and need most times, being human herself. The kings are seriously considering turning her instead of just killing her you your sake

And God forbid anyone touches their precious baby, you've grown on them and they'd burn the world for you in an instant

[vivakitkt]

I love you, why can’t you love me?

Synopsis: You love Xiao. But how will it take for him to notice you? Then a chance to end your feelings for him. To relieve yourself from the pain. Do you take it?

Warnings: angst/ maybe comfort, !hanahaki reader, reader is implied as adepti(immortal, etc), not proofread

A/N So I wrote this at 11pm on new years eve yes i dont sleep but yea finally finished this :') first time writing a piece with a specific character in it. One of my longer pieces as well. Might write pt. 2 👀 Hope you enjoy it!!<3333

Part 1(this story is pt 1) Part 2 Part 3

Loving Xiao was hard

He was closed off, only becoming "close" to the few who he could feel as ease with. Although you tried your best, cooking his favorite dish, almond tofu, being nice to him, taking care of his injures even with his stern protests. But it never was supposed to be you was it.

You were waiting for him at Wangshu inn. Trembling from the frigid cold, clenching onto the thin blanket you were keeping around yourself from the breeze.

Dont want to catch a cold, you told yourself. Not to mention already that you were feeling a little sick in your throat, coughing up more frequently than usual.

It was getting pretty late, you wondered, where could he be?

His food would be getting cold soon and plus it wasn't like him to stay this late without sending you a message. You couldn't even feel his presence around the area.

Should you go and try to find him? Yea. Maybe you should. You know, just to make sure he was okay. As you quickly turned into a puff of smoke, leaving your previous spot into the sky. Soaring through the clouds, you finally spotted the green flash of his teleportation.

As you started to drift down onto solid ground, a few feet away from Xiao, you noticed another person with him.

Huh? Was that the traveler? What was Xiao doing with them? You questioned while staying behind a tree to hide yourself. Xiao was probably just helping them out! Of course he was, the travelers was a nice person anyways. Its not like Xiao had feelings for them or something. Right?

But why was he blushing like that? And smiling like that? You've never seen him like that before despite knowing him for centuries. Did he actually have feelings for the traveler?

I mean, of course who wouldn't? With their courageous personality, outgoing self, and impressive battles. And to top it off, they were good looking. Who wouldn't like the traveler?

It made no sense at all to hate them. You were just being dramatic. All of sudden you started to cough, hard. So you quickly took a step back and disappeared again into a cloud of smoke.

The very next day, you were feeling uneasy. Maybe it was because of the events that took place but also because of that cough that almost gave you away. So you decide to have some tea with Zhongli, to ask him some questions and to chat of course!

Heading over to Liyue Habor to meet with him, you couldn't help but notice the lack of flowers around the area. Although Liyue had beautiful mountains and incredible sunset views, there wasnt a lot of flowers around. A few in the habor but none except for the sweet flowers you saw. Maybe you should talk about it to Xiao or Zhongli.

Finally you arrived and quickly saw the ex-archon with the funeral director Hu Tao.

Ah y/n, what a pleasure, Zhongli spoke, what brings you here?

Oh is this a friend of yours Mr. Zhongli? Hu tao teased, I guess I'll see you later then! She waved goodbye, leaving you and Zhongli both alone

Shall we go for tea? You asked the calm man

As you two made it to a table, you set out the tea and poured some of the rich tea into the porcelain cups.

For you and Zhongli, it was easy for you two to start a conversation. After all you had been with him very early on since he started his archon days. Even being with him when he took Xiao in as his own. However, your peaceful conversation suddenly took a turn as you started to cough hard once again like last night. But this time blood and...flowers dropped out of your mouth.

Y/n! Zhongli shouted, Someone send a doctor! As you closed eyes from the unbearable pain.

You woke up in a bed as you started wrinkle the sheet and proped yourself up with your elbows. What happened? Huh? A sheet of paper writtern, hanahaki disease. As soon as you read that, a doctor entered the room along with Zhongli. The doctor then slowly told you of your disease. A disease where a person who feels unrequited love, will cough up flowers. The only two end results of this disease would either be that the other person returns the feeling or......death. One other possible cure was a surgical removal but the victim will forget the feelings held for their beloved.

Forget their feelings? So you would forget about Xiao. All of the years spent with him, the memories, and all of the small moments when he let his wall down. Would be gone at the expense of you living. Should you get the surgery to forget your feelings about him? Or love him till the day you die?

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP6: TAKE THE DEVILED EGGS (Pt 2) (This One's Gonna Be a Real Rage Inducer) (Lots Of Interesting Development Though) (So many things happening) (Salty Rambles about Jess Mariano's Birthday)

There is something to be said about Luke (on multiple occasions) readily admitting he pays Jess in ketchup packets to toil in the Coffee Mines more or less against his will. I get that it's just a part time job after school...before school..while he's cutting school..always working...never stopping...never reicieving any tips from Lorelai and Rory... Rory needs a job... Rory and Lorelai need to pay for their food... Anyway these comments shed a light on the shaky economies of small businesses in small towns which is interesting to me. Gilmore Girls is really, at it's core, a show about class. One day he could wake up to find his diner has been turned into a Dunkin Donuts (this is Not-Quite-But-Almost-New England after all, where DD is king).

Hahahahaha!! Jess stole money to buy a car and he committs attempted murder! Hahahahaaha! You're SO FUNNY LORELAI GILMORE. Your daughter stole a boat.

Yeah. And maybe back home, he did had to steal to survive sometimes. How about them apples, Lorelai Gilmore. God, do I loathe her.

Don't say that around Lorelai, I think she'd believe you were being serious.

A couple of the moots and I recently decided that in the recent past, Liz managed to land and then lose a halfway decent boyfriend/ father figure to Jess who had a car and taught Jess to drive and do repairs and some other light adulting. I honestly feel like this is the only thing that makes sense.

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS SCENE!!! Fuck meeee. Look at that li'l curl...

LOOK AT IT!!!! You know what, I'm calling it. I'm putting my foot down. This is the hottest Milo had ever looked in the entirety of seasons 2 and 3. It's that perfectly gelled hair, the jean jacket, the cool tshirt. Very James Dean. Woof. Let's see, what would I choose for second place? I have to go with the party scene in KegMax, another episode with impeccably jelled hair and a jean jacket (and even while he was apparently sick shooting that episode too). He just progresses in hotness the further season 3 marches on.

These four words "I'm still a minor" are a point of contention for me in the ongoing debate about his birth month. My beliefs: Jess is a Virgo. He was born in August or early September. This would make him just older than Rory by just a smidge. Since well over a year has passed in the show since the episode he arrived in Stars Hollow as a 17 year old (when he arrived, it was early September as Rory had just started school in that episode), he had just celebrated his birthday before arriving and so he has to have already turned 18 by this episode. However, I will consider the theory that Luke was clueless or misinformed about his age at the time he arrived (because it's not like LIz is in any way reliable with information) and he was actually 16 going on 17 when he hopped off the bus last year, and maybe he has an October or November birthday making him slightly younger than Rory. It would make sense that both missed the kindergarten cut off dates in 1989 at their respective schools (which is rock solid canon already for Rory, as she was born in October 84 but graduated in 03 instead of 02), putting them in the same grade.

Salty has put a pathetic amount of thought into this. So, how can I accept this statemen? I attribute it to the same brand of biting sarcasm that gave us "I mugged an old lady" moments ago and also because this scene doesn't make a whole lot of sense to begin with. He's still a minor, but he got his own insurance all by himself under his own name, which is not really a thing, but not his own car registration? Committing insurance fraud perhaps? Sketchy insurance company that didn't ask too many questions? He knows a guy who knows a guy who can print up some fake documents? At that point why not go all the way with the white collar crimes and forge Luke's signature on the registration too? See, Lorelai thinks Jess is a thief and murderer when he's really a white collar criminal like Taylor Doose.

My memory was certain that he produced a cigarrette and not a pen in this scene. I had to edit this post to remove a line about him smoking. I guess I confused it with the Then She Appears/ Cmurrh kissing scene, where he's also wearing a jean jacket with a popped collar. Damn. I can't wait for that scene...

Just some light fraud. If the car belonged to someone in Stars Hollow, whoever's registration he stole probably deserved it anyway. This is how I approach all "Crimes" Jess commits in Stars Hollow. There are only a few people who don't deserve it. Your honor, my client is innocent.

Oh no, the couch of doom. No good conversations ever happens between Rory and Lorelai on the couch, especially after one of them comes home at night and finds the other one on the couch. The Gilmores recieve an invitation to Sherry's baby shower. The moots and I have determined that Doula and Gigi will eventually band together to form the most powerful duo of neglected half sisters the world has ever seen. For the record, today Doula would be 17 and Gigi would be 21. Since Jess eventually comes to adopt and raises Doula she has a somewhat decent chance of coming out a well adjusted adult. At the very least, if she was stuck with TJ and Liz, Jess would still be a positive influence on her life, visit her and look out for her and make sure she didn't get sucked into any cults. The odds are a lot more grim for Gigi with Crusty and Sherry as her forever "parents" and let's face it, very likely her relationship with big sister Rory or any of the other Gilmores is non existent.

And things were so peaceful. Especially since Dean hasn't reared his ugly head in the last two episodes, either.

You flip flop with Crusty so much how can anyone possibly keep track of whether you're on the outs with him or banging him at any given time?

And by saying that out loud you're gonna tip the balance of the universe and he's going to show up. I looked ahead and although this is sadly still a Crusty-Focused episode, he doesn't actually make an appearance. Small blessings. To Lorelai's surprise, Rory admits that she's been in contact with Crusty and Lorelai is okay with it but upset that Rory was hiding it from her. God, he's such a parasite.

Emails. How quaint.

Highly debatable.

[ofagathachristies]

Everything in Twilight Saga that doesn't make sense to me

Stephanie Meyers' world just doesn't make sense to me.

Like at all.

So these are things that I think would make more sense about the lore of Twilight Saga.

The Wolf Pack - They're not werewolves or wolves. They're just not. Why Stephanie Meyer calls them that is stupid to me. And the thing is, its not just her. So many fanfictions I read call them werewolves. But they are shapeshifters. SHAPESHIFTERS.

Imprinting - It seems so ridiculous to me that Meyer creates imprinting. Especially given the fact that this generation of shifters are CHILDREN. They are literal children! Sam imprints on his girlfriend's cousin. Quil imprints on that cousin's 3-year-old niece! Jacob imprints of the hybrid child of the girl he claims he loves!! Imprinting has caused nothing but issues and ruined at least one relationship that we know of.

The Cullens and the Wolf Pack - The treaty between the 'werewolves' and the 'cold ones' is logical, yes. Especially when you considered the fact that the appearance of vampires is what causes the 'werewolf' gene to turn on. So, it would make sense that they have the treaty. However, I feel that it has not worked very well, given the fact that Jacob not only unknowingly breaks the treaty when he tells Bella the tribe stories (because he has a massive crush on her), but also, once he does become of the 'pack', he continuously pursues Bella, thus angering Edward (because who wouldn't be pissed off when someone continuously disrespects their relationship). And Jacob can do that. Because there's nothing in the treaty which prevents the shifters from deliberately antagonizing the vampires. Maybe I just have issues but if someone kept knowingly disrespecting my relationship, I'd be pissed. And if I were a vampire? I'd probably want to attack them and drain their blood. I imagine Edward thought about it but never actually did it.

The Cullens Sparkly Problem - They can't go out in sunlight. Because they sparkle. Sunlight is always present. Even at night. So, having to follow the rule of not exposing the secret to humans, surely it is a stupid vampiric evolutionary trait to SPARKLE in sunlight?!?!?!!

The Cullens and Human Food - This is one of many things about my issues with Stephanie Meyer's vampires. They are vampires. They have venom. Yet they have to essentially regurgitate human food back up? Logically thinking, would the venom in their saliva not act like an acid and literally dissolve any human food they consume - therefore eliminating the need to regurgitate food.

Edward's Attitude - His attitude. All of it. His misogyny. His gaslighting. His blatant dismissal of Bella's feelings, thoughts and opinions. It's very obvious that SMeyer puts in her own personal beliefs about relationships however it's also very obvious that SMeyer's personal beliefs about relationships are quite traditional, and give off the vibe of 'women should be seen but never heard'. I just don't fuck with that. At all.

Jasper's Background - Jasper Hale is a confederate soldier who joined the army during the Civil War, fighting on the side of those in favor of enslaving black people. But it's not just that. Jasper wasn't just a solider. He was a Major. According to the modern US army, it would take a minimum of 10 years service for Jasper to be considered for the rank of Major. Jasper Hale was 19. How good was he in the confederate army that he was given the rank of major after 2 years???

The Blatant Racism - Twilight Saga, as a whole, is incredibly racist (and misogynistic). It does not create a safe space for people of colour, or even anyone that doesn't fit a certain profile. Namely, the skinny, white people. Anyone who doesn't fit that profile does not have a safe space in the fandom. The representation for people of colour is severely lacking.

Humans - There seems to be an extreme lack of regard for humans. And to some degree, I do understand. Because it is a film series about vampires, they (usually) eat humans. When it comes to humans, Edward only seems to have any regard and basic respect for Bella, and Angela. And Bella appears to drop her new friends as soon as she starts dating Edward, only returning to them when Edward leaves. And for good reason, when she starts showing suicidal tendencies and a total lack of regard for not just her safety, but Jessica's too, Jessica totally freaks out. Any person would in those circumstances.

The Misogyny - Further on from Edward's misogyny and SMeyer's beliefs. Bella's 'I'm not like other girls' vibe and the stereotypes of the likes of Jessica, Rosalie, Lauren etc. Putting them in boxes. A box that states these girls are vapid, feminine, empty mean girls with no real contribution to conservation or friendship. When in truth, yes, Jessica may have been friends with Bella because she was new and shiny but at least she tried. She tried to be friends with Bella, the feelings obviously soured when Bella clearly didn't want to be friends with her, and dropped her like a hot potato when Edward reciprocated her feelings. Not to mention, when Jessica and Lauren's crushes seem to have all their attention on Bella. And it's not Bella's fault, but they don't see that. Because Jessica and Lauren are essentially still children. They are developing their brains, and they admittedly are unkind or rude sometimes, but at the end of the day, they are children. Children who make stupid mistakes, and notice how at no point, does anyone think to say anything. No one pulls them up? Why? Because they are in the box. And they are not allowed growth or development. They stay the mean girls because they aren't important.

The Misogyny Part 2 - Rosalie needs a whole other point. Because Rosalie Hale's story is crushing. It is crushing and heartbreaking, and Nikki Reed played the role with so much realness. Rosalie Hale is a New York socialite during the 1930s, who's family is not wrecked by the Great Depression. She is ignorant, she is unaware, and like most women of that time period and in that social standing, she does not have a lot of opportunities. Her opportunities are housewife and mother. She thinks this man loves her, she loves him, she wants nothing more than the perfect life with this man she loves and these perfect children she believes they will have. And it is ruined in one awful, traumatic evening. And the cherry on top of the cake, Carlisle finds Rosalie and changes her with the intent to make the perfect little mate for Edward. So, Rosalie, three days later, wakes up with an immortal life, a head full of traumatic memories of that night three days ago, and she is only there because Carlisle had the intent to give Edward a mate. And while Carlisle may have the best of intentions, Rosalie's story fills me with anger. And what makes it worse? Fast forward to Bella entering the picture, Rosalie has the love of her life, and she has endless beauty and she's jealous. And I truly believe her anger is so valid because it's not just about Bella being able to have children and Rosalie can't. No. It's Rosalie has to come to terms with the fact that this human girl gets to have more choice than Rosalie did. She gets to have the family vote. And Rosalie desperately wants Bella to have the option not to become a vampire. Because for Rosalie, becoming a vampire was both the best and worst thing she ever did. But all Bella sees, is Rosalie is angry, vain and jealous. Misogyny.

In conclusion, thank you for coming to my TedTalk. I will probably make a Part 2 when I think of more things I hate about Twilight and why they just don't make sense.

Thanksss :))) xx

[cyncerity]

Secret Santa time!! @mcyt-gt-events

My secret santa was @pixiethesizeshifter!! I absolutely fell in love with your second prompt about a borrower’s first Christmas with their human, and you were kind enough to help me with my senior project so I was really excited when I got you as my secret santa and I wanted to make it really good

fun fact i’ve actually become like really attached to this story and I can almost guarantee there will be more content for it later

also it’s like 9k words and very unedited so there is a possibility that I may post this story again in 2 parts once I’ve edited it but for rn here!! I hope you enjoys Crimeboys hurt -> comfort

tw: vore, angst ig but it’s generally very fluffy <3

Tommy had never celebrated Christmas

That’s something that Wilbur has come to learn over the past few hours. Tommy had never had a Christmas. Something that had always been a right of passage for him. Something that had formed his childhood, even if he didn’t celebrate much anymore. His family had never seen the importance of having a giant celebration, or making Wilbur believe in the Santa fantasy, or making him go to church, but it was something he looked forward to every year nonetheless. A day for food, gifts, just a day to forget about all other troubles and focus on family and love.

Tommy had never experienced that.

It made sense, if he thought about it. He’d found the poor boy in a pet store, the same place most other borrowers that were captured went. He had bought adopted Tommy after a…particularly bad break up, just after valentine’s day that February. He was just…lonely. But Tommy wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted, at the time. He was unresponsive to anything Wilbur did to bond with him for a solid month after he was bought, enough that Wilbur went back to the pet store to ask if it was ok to return the young tiny. As much as Wilbur feels guilty about that to this day, without having done that, he probably wouldn’t have grown closer to Tommy like he did.

Orphaned at a young age, Wilbur learned from the store’s cashier that Tommy had been abandoned by his colony along with many other young children and left as bait for approaching tiny hunters so the others could get away. He’d been taken away, locked in a cage, had a hole scarred through his ear for a tracker and tag and only had a third left of his tail after it had been chopped of like he was a designer dog. His family had abandoned him at 5 years old to a place that would treat him more as an animal than a person. The employee said they weren’t surprised at Wilbur’s wanting to return him, since the previous over five dozen people had done the same.

Apparently, no one had been able to properly bond with Tommy, and his month stay at Wilbur’s house had been a record for him. They said they were hoping Tommy would have finally found a home, since he had been in the store for most of his life, being traded back and forth between humans. But, if Wilbur brought Tommy back, he would hit his 10 year stay in the store, and it was policy that he’d then be put down, like any other unwanted pet. If he couldn’t get along with anyone who may want him, then he didn’t have a purpose, so why should they let him live?

Wilbur ran back home, after telling the cashier that he’d changed his mind, which turned out to be the best decision he’d ever made. He started to see Tommy for what he really was; he started treating him less like a disobedient pet and more like a scared, traumatized child.

Tommy miraculously started to open up after that. After Wilbur reassured him time and time and time again that he was safe, that he would be treated like a person, he’d never be abandoned, and that he was, above all else, loved, Tommy began to open up.

Over the past ten-ish months, Tommy had grown so, so much. Hw wasn’t perfect, Wilbur knew that he likely never would be, but that was just fine with him, as long as Tommy was happy. He and Wilbur talked, talked for hours on end about the most mundane or stupid things. Tommy also, as Wilbur soon learned, had quite a sense of humor as well. They’d laugh and joke together, and they played off each other perfectly. Tommy had a sailors mouth to rival Wil’s, and though the tiny was very on edge about using foul language and insults for a while because “pets weren’t supposed to use that kind of language” (Wilbur wanted to punch whoever told him that) even after he started to trust Wilbur, the two of them now traded lighthearted insults back and forth like it was nothing. Tom’s hair was longer and healthier, now that it had been washed and cared for properly. He has better clothes that Wilbur had ordered specially for someone his size, and his eyes were monumentally brighter now that he had felt some kind of familial love. Tommy even trusted him with an...odd bit of borrower information; apparently, they were digestion proof. How Tommy learned that he had no idea, and quite frankly he was too scared to ask. All he knew was that that information tended to come in handy whenever Tom had nightmares or was having an anxiety attack.

And most importantly, somehow, by some miracle, Tommy trusted that Wilbur wouldn’t abandon him. Wilbur had convinced the child that he was different than every other person who’d taken him in, and he was determined to be. He was determined to help make up for the childhood that Tommy had never had, to give him every experience he was robbed of because of that awful store.

So when Tommy had mentioned that every time he was bought he was returned before Christmas, and had spent the holiday in what was essentially a hamster cage, it shattered Wilbur’s heart.

Tommy had never had a day to forget about his troubles, his trauma.

Wilbur was going to fix that.

~~~

Wilbur “went to bed” earlier that night, only slightly confusing Tommy, but the borrower seemed to brush it off. He needed a game plan.

You see, Wilbur had pretty much ignored Christmas after he moved out of his dad’s house. Sure, he got his family gifts and stuff, but he’d spend most of the day holed up in his room with a pizza and whatever shitty christmas movie was playing on tv. That wasn’t gonna work. He needed something better than that. For Tommy.

He wrote out a list of everything he remembered from his childhood Christmases; opening gifts in the morning, baking cookies with his family, playing out in the snow, and drinking his Dad’s hot chocolate. He looked at his calendar; two weeks. Alright, he could do that.

First up was presents. What did Tommy like?

The first thing that came to mind was music. Tommy had been ecstatic when he learned Wilbur played guitar, and loved to listen to him any chance he got. Apparently, constant music was one of the best parts of living in a public store. It had become his escapism while he waited for the next person to come alone and buy him only to bring him back a week later. Despite this, he seemed to dislike a lot of Christmas music. Something about the same 10 songs on loop for two months being the most irritating thing in the world to him. God, and Wilbur thought retail workers had it bad, at least they didn’t have to live with the constant bombardment of shitty Michael Bublé covers. He’d keep that in mind for Christmas.

What could he do with that, though? It’s not like he could get Tommy an instrument, they were all too small. Right? Could he make one? He’d never been very crafty. He wrote it down as a possibility. What else, though?

A disc player? That could work. He could make a disc of all of Tommy’s favorite songs, and buy him a disc player. He thought Tommy would like that.

He wrote it down as he brainstormed some more. Tommy liked gardening, maybe a little indoor garden? He was also pretty active, maybe he could buy something to attach to his walls that Tom could have fun with when Wil wasn’t around to go outside with him (Tommy usually chose to stay inside unless Wilbur went out with him, though he couldn’t really blame him. Tom had always been an indoor borrower, so he didn’t know how to deal with big animals. Wilbur would be scared of finding a squirrel double his size, too). Maybe more things for Tommy’s room wouldn’t be a bad idea: a full, human size bedroom with an occupant barely a few inches tall was bound to feel a bit empty.

Wilbur continued to write ideas until one suddenly struck him; clothes. He should get Tommy more clothes. He had a pretty decent collection of t-shirts and pants, a couple of jackets thrown in there, but one thing that Wilbur realized he was missing was sweaters. Oversized, soft, ugly but comfortable sweaters, a staple of wintertime. Probably because he’d never seen them on sale before. It was hard enough to find anyone that was willing to commission clothes for a figure only a few inches tall, and harder to find someone that would make them comfortable and, y’know, wearable to a person. So what if Wilbur didn’t know how to sew or knit? He could make a few shirts. Probably. Hopefully?

A quick google search told him that was a definite no.

Ok, so maybe he can’t make shirts, but he had a plan. He just needed to call up a friend to help him.

~~

The next morning came quickly. Wilbur peeked into Tommy’s room to find the borrower still fast asleep, thankfully. Wilbur wasn’t planning on being gone too long, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave a note and some breakfast behind anyway letting Tommy know what was up.

With that all taken care of, he locked up his apartment and headed off to his old neighborhood, where his best friend still lived.

God, he missed her. It’s not like they lived all that far from each other, but they rarely saw each other much since they actually started to grow up. He hadn’t even seen her since her engagement party a few months prior, though her fiancé Puffy seemed like a perfect match with her. She still lived in the house she grew up in, Puffy choosing to move in with her, and it happened to just be a few doors down from Wilbur’s old house, which is precisely how they met.

He made it there after only about a half hour after taking a stop to pick her up some chocolates and a gift card as a quick thank you and early Christmas gift, and walked through the snow up to the familiar old and re-painted pink front door, knocking with a smile.

It didn’t take long for her to answer. She opened the door with a matching smile and was hugging Wilbur within seconds, her pink hair the nice strawberry scent that it had been since their childhood, bringing him a sense of deja vu. Wilbur hugged her back.

“Niki!”

~~

Tommy woke up with a yawn, stretching himself out as sunlight beamed through his windows and right into his eyes. Fuck, he should really start sleeping on a part of the bed where that couldn’t happen. Not like he didn’t have enough room, sleeping on a human sized bed. He got up and made the trek off the pillow he slept on in the center of the bed to the small table next to the headboard, only to notice a small cup of blueberries and chopped up strawberries and a note.

‘Hey Tommy! Went to go visit an old friend this morning, should be back before lunch! Love you! -your favorite big brother’

Tommy smiled as he set the note back down, taking a bite of a blueberry. What time was if anyway?

He checked the clock up on his wall; 2:34

Man, did he really sleep in that late? And wasn’t it…past lunchtime already?

He got out of bed quickly, not even bothering to get dressed before he slid off his bed and headed out into the hallway. “Wil? Wilbur?” He shouted, walking from room to room but still seeing no sign of his human. Ok, so maybe he was home alone. Wouldn’t be the first time. And of course Wilbur wasn’t obligated to spend every second of his time with Tommy. But…he said he’d be home. Wilbur wasn’t a liar. Maybe it was just taking him a while to get home. After all, maybe he was stuck in traffic, whatever that actually was. All Tommy knew was that traffic had caused him to get home late before. Plus, Tommy just woke up, he had shit to do today other than wonder where Wil was. Right. He was independent, he was fully capable of being his own person. He didn’t need Wilbur, not right now. He’d be home soon.

But what if he wasn’t?

No, he would be home soon, Tommy repeated to himself over and over, digging his palms into his eyes to stave off the tears he felt well up. He would be home soon. He trusted Wilbur.

~~

Ok, so maybe learning how to sew and knit was harder than Wilbur had thought. Niki had sat him down and taught him basic sewing patterns on a spare fabric sheet, and after stabbing himself for the twentieth time he gave up. Crocheting was surprisingly more fun for him, though. He had made a decently sized blanket for Tommy as a warm up, and he knew the tiny would love it, but he didn’t want to stop there.

As it turns out, having a best friend whose favorite hobby was crafting came in handy when you have a tiny little brother. Niki quickly started to sew some little t-shirts, leggings, and long sleeved tees with a nice, stretchy tech fabric that she had scraps from after seeing that Wilbur simply wasn’t going to pick up a needle again. Wilbur, however, kept crocheting. He managed to make a little beanie on his third attempt, and Puffy even showed up to help him learn how to make a little sweater. And make one he did. Scratch that, he made way more than one. He even made a few scarves, jackets, and even got Niki to sew a little sock for the end of Tommy’s tail since he knew the borrower was self conscious about the scars from where it was amputated.

By the time they were done, Tommy had clothes of all sorts, shapes, textures, and colors, though a lot was red and blue; his little brother’s favorite colors. A few shirts even had little logos and words from Tommy’s favorite shows after Puffy had remembered they owned a Criquet. Wilbur was absolutely beaming with joy once he gathered all the clothes into a box and started to head out.

“Thank you again for helping me, Niki. I really don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.” Wilbur smiled as he placed the box into his car. “Don’t mention it.” Niki smiled back, giving him one last hug. “Let me know what that kid thinks of them, alright?” Wilbur smiled, though a little less genuinely than before. As much as he trusted Niki, Tommy wasnt human. And though Niki was one of the sweetest people Wilbur had ever met, he didn’t know what she thought of tinies. Of Tommy. He’d tell her eventually, but…not today. For today, she was helping him make tiny clothes because the little boy he’d started babysitting loved dolls. Proper enough lie for the time being. “I’ll be sure to tell you how happy he is when he gets these. Seriously, he’s going to love them. Merry Christmas!” He finished, stepping into his car and turning it on. He watched Niki wave to him as he pulled out, and only then did he notice the sky starting to darken. Fuck. What time was it?

His dashboard read 5:46

Fuck

~~

“Tommy! I’m home!!” Tommy heard yelled from the front entrance as the door slammed open. Immediately his ears perked up. He honest to god felt like he could cry.

Wilbur was here. He was back. He hadn’t left, he was here with Tommy again.

“WIL!!” Tommy screamed as he ran for the front door, seeing Wilbur’s expression brighten as he ran closer. Wil kneeled to the ground with his hands out and let Tommy throw himself into them, barely giving the tiny any time before scooping him up and pressing him to his cheek. “I missed you! I missed you so much, sunshine, I was thinking of you the whole time I was away.” Wilbur said, running a finger up and down Tommy’s back. He knew he fucked up; Tommy hated being left alone for too long. He needed that constant reassurance that he was wanted, and Wilbur couldn’t blame him for that after what he’d gone through. “I didn’t mean to be gone that long,” Wilbur continued, “I was just catching up with someone, and I didn’t realize how long it’d been till the sun started to set.”

“‘S alright. You’re back now, yeah?” Tommy said. Wilbur nodded. “Absolutely. You hungry?” “Fucking starving.” Tommy said, pulling away from Wilbur’s cheek. “You didn’t leave me lunch and I can’t open a fridge, you prick.” “God, you’re so needy.” Wilbur scoffed as he placed Tommy on his shoulder, making his way to the fridge and getting food out for the both of them before settling down on his couch to watch something.

It wasn’t long till he and Tommy had almost fallen asleep, and Wilbur moved to bring Tommy to his room, only for the sleepy borrower to cling to his finger. “Tom you have to go to sleep.” Wilbur said, yawning as Tommy shook his head. “No, fuck you, you left me alone all day you owe me cuddles.” He slurred, half asleep. Wilbur sighed, having seen this coming. “Do I know what you mean by ‘cuddles’ or are you being normal for once?” “Which do you think, bitch?”

Wilbur rolled his eyes and lifted Tommy higher to his face as he moved to sit on the tiny’s bed. To be fair to Tommy, though he as a normal human found this a bit weird, it seemed to help his little brother tremendously when he felt insecure. And he really would do anything for Tommy.

With that thought, he lifted the borrower up to his mouth, immediately feeling Tommy trying to weakly pry his lips open in his groggy state. He laughed softly as he opened his mouth and Tommy almost immediately fell forward, loosing his perch on the lips and tumbling straight onto Wilbur’s tongue. He felt the tiny relax as he slowly closed his mouth, making sure Tommy was fully inside. He felt and heard Tommy giggle as Wilbur licked him, quickly slicking him up and tasting him. Tommy’s weirdly good taste always surprised Wilbur less, even after they’d done this plenty of times. He didn’t know why he tasted good, or if it was only Tommy or every other tiny as well, but he wasn’t too concerned about it.

He felt a weak pat to the top of his mouth and took that as his cue to swallow, given that Tommy probably wanted to go to sleep. He could understand that, he was tired as well. He lifted his head up slightly, gently swallowing and tracing his little brothers descent with one hand. He laid back onto the bed as he felt Tommy enter his stomach, but he panicked a little when he didn’t feel him move around or get himself comfortable or anything. Wilbur propped himself up with one arm and pressed gently onto his midsection with his other, trying to feel if anything was wrong.

“Tommy?” he whispered. “You alright in there?” He sucked in his breath a bit and went quiet, now starting to register the calm, steady breaths from under his skin and the faint sound of snoring. Man, Tommy must have been really tired then. “Goodnight, Toms” Wilbur whispered quieter than before, lying back down. He released the pressure on his belly but still keeping a hand over it, rubbing it gently as sleep hit him as well

~~

Ok. It had taken a week, but all of Tommy’s clothes were wrapped and the smaller-than-average-and-therefore-useable-to-Tommy sized disc player that he ordered had come in, so everything was going well. Sure, he was staying up later to get everything done and make sure Tommy wasn’t catching on and was spending more time in his room hiding anything that could spoil the surprise from his little brother, but he was fine. Phil did it every year for him and Techno, he was fine. He was fine. He just had to get everything else done before Christmas. He could do this.

He just needed a bit more help.

~~

Tommy was fine. Really, he was fine. It’s just that Wilbur had been avoiding him for the last week and he had no fucking idea why. And it’s not even like he hadn’t been home, he just been locked in his room. Every time Tommy went to talk to him, he’d always look to guilty and scared, and he’d say something cryptic, hang out with Tommy for ten minutes, then run back to his room.

Had..had he done something wrong? Was Wilbur mad? Did he just want to be away from Tommy? Was he really that hard to like?

No, no… Wilbur wasn’t like that. He couldn’t let himself think that way. Wilbur cared about him, Wilbur loved him. Tommy couldn’t think of anything he’d done to make Wilbur mad at him, so it all had to be in his own head. Wilbur wanted him, and wanted to be around him.

Tommy heard footsteps.

He turned to the entryway and saw Wilbur zipping up a coat and pulling a beanie over his head, getting ready to leave. Without saying goodbye.

“…Wil?” Tommy asked, and immediately the human’s head snapped towards him, eyes widening in surprise. “Toms!” Wilbur smiled awkwardly. “I, uh..I didn’t know you were out here.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets and shifting his weight back and forth impatiently. Tommy stared. “Where are you going?” “Just to see someone again. This time of year, man, everyone wants to get together!” He forced out a laugh, but Tommy didn’t budge. Wilbur sighed. “I’ll be back soon, ok? As soon as I can be.” He said, pulling the door open and taking a step out. “I love you.” Tommy didn’t answer as he left and the door closed behind him, the car starting up moments later.

Tommy couldn’t help it. Silent tears fell down his cheeks as he cried, his face frozen and expressionless as he tried to process what he was feeling. The first time Wilbur had left his room of his own volition in days and it was to leave Tommy alone. Again. Wilbur had never acted that way towards Tommy, either. Tommy had never seen him so desperate to leave a conversation.

Maybe he had gotten too used to being cared for constantly. Maybe it was bound to end up like this. Or maybe he was too spoiled. After all, this was still leagues better than he’d ever been treated. Wilbur wasn’t hurting him, or treating him like a lower life form. He was just…giving him less attention.

God, what was wrong with him? Wilbur wasn’t doing anything wrong, it was Tommy, just like it always had been. It was his skewed perception of family and his constant nagging need for attention that drove people away, Wilbur had every right to not like him. To ignore him. To send him back, if he really wanted.

How had Wilbur turned into his everything? He never formed any sort of attachment before. Hell, even in his colony, he was the orphan that no one wanted. Yet somehow Wilbur had made him desperately dependent on a family. On a human, nonetheless. And he loved it. And hated it. He loved Wilbur, his family, and he loved that after all this time he could finally love enough again to the point he could consider someone a brother to him, but he hated that Wilbur held his tiny, fragile, broken and haphazardly glued back together heart in his giant hands.

He hated that part.

~~

The drive to Phil’s had taken a little bit longer than expected, but he wasn’t gonna speed there with ice in the roads. He had been greeted in by his other little brother (technically his twin brother, but Wilbur was born first and he’d never let Techno forget it), who was staying over for the holidays so he could meet with his nerdy book club or something. His father was also beyond excited to see him, despite Wilbur having called to make sure they had time to see him a week before Christmas, it seemed like Phil was surprised he showed up all the same.

“It’s been too long, mate.” Phil said, wrapping his eldest son in a hug. “You never stop by anymore.” “I know, I know, I’m a horrible son.” Wilbur laughed as he leaned out of the hug. “I just really need your help with something.” “What’s up?” “Well, this is going to sound odd, but do you remember on Christmas when Tech and I were kids and we’d all make cookies and you’d make hot chocolate?” Phil laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “Of course I do. It was one of your favorite parts of the holidays. What about it?” “Could you give me the recipes?” “How come?”

Wilbur sighed. Phil knew about Tommy, he just…didn’t know exactly what Tommy was to Wilbur. Phil still thought of tinies as pets, which was why they’d still never met, and Wilbur really didn’t have the time to explain how wrong that was. Besides, Phil never seemed to look down on Tommy. He could even temporarily forget what Phil thought of Tommy most of the time, until he said something a little out of pocket that would bring the illusion crashing back down. “It’s just…it’s that borrower I adopted a while ago.” Phil smiled and laughed. “Right, I remember you telling me about it him! How is the little guy?” “He’s well!” Wilbur said, ignoring how using ‘little guy’ to describe a teenager rubbed him the wrong way.

“It’s just, he’s never had a Christmas before. I’m his first real family, and I want him to give him as good a Christmas as I had as a kid.” “Aw, mate, that’s so sweet! Of course I’ll help you! But where’s the fun in just giving you the recipes, hm?” “Whats that supposed to mean?” Wil asked, but Phil was already walking past him, going to the staircase that led to Techno’s room. “Techno! Get down here, we’re making cookies!” “Dad, I really should get home as soon as possible.” Wil argued, looking up at a nearby clock. 12:08. He’d left Tommy alone with no better reason than an awkward excuse at around 11:25 in the morning. He should really try to be home soon. “Don’t worry, Wil, this won’t take long. We haven’t bonded like a family in forever, either. You want to learn how to make these, right?” Wilbur sighed.

He could tell how much this meant to Phil. After all, his father wasn’t wrong. It had been a while since it was just the three of them hanging out together. Techno came down the stairs and Wilbur could tell how happy his brother seemed when he saw Phil pulling out all the cookie ingredients, even if to the untrained eye Techno still looked pretty stoic. He sighed. “Fine, but I can’t stay for more than an hour. I really do need to get home.” Wilbur relented, taking off his coat and throwing it over a kitchen chair. “How do we do this?”

…

It was 8:30. Godammit, how did he even manage to do that?

He’d just gotten so distracted with his family. Sue him, he missed them. Techno was always busy doing..whatever Techno did, usually fencing tournaments, and Wilbur rarely had the time to visit either. He really had missed being around his family.

And he really had meant to just leave as soon as the cookies were done. He’d even written down every ingredient and instruction as they made the cookies so he could go as soon as they were done and he could verify that they were the same they’d been in his childhood. But then Phil saw the list and walked Wilbur through every step in more detail, making sure to add little details like exactly how long an ingredient should be refrigerated before being added to the mix, and specific brands that would make all the difference in the cookies. And he had to admit that it did work. Plus, he still wanted that hot chocolate recipe, so Phil ended up writing all the ins and outs of that as well, along with making 3 cups of it.

Then he almost left but then he remembered Techno had a cd burner in his room and he really wanted to make Tommy something for his cd player. He ended up making multiple cds, some of Tommy’s favorite videos game soundtracks (he debated making one that would just loop The Able Sisters, but decided against it since it would drive him absolutely fucking insane), some of his favorite normal songs, theater music (including a separate disk for the entire Hamilton soundtrack, he didn’t care if that was illegal), and, the one he thought would mean most, a cd of his songs. The songs that he had written, that were mostly just his own voice and a guitar. He wasn’t sure if Tommy knew, but Wilbur always took special note of the songs Tommy liked. He worked the hardest on those, always being sure to ask for Tommy’s input and suggestions, and those were the songs that had the most effort put into them.

Techno and Phil hadn’t heard these songs. It had been so long since Wilbur had played his music for his dad and brother, of course they’d wanted to see what he’d been working on. So, he’d shown them. And he forgot he had a back up guitar at his Dad’s house, so he played them some of the songs he’d been working on. He did tell them that some of the songs were for Tommy, and Techno actually surprised him a bit when after Phil had got up to do something, he held Wilbur up and excused himself to grab something from his room, returning with a small cow keychain.

“What’s that?” Wilbur asked, taking the toy as Technoblade gently tossed it into his hands. “Just a cow. I don’t have much use for it, it came free with one of my online sword orders, so I thought maybe your borrower would like it. He is a kid, right?” Wilbur looked wide eyed and nodded, mindlessly fiddling with the stuffed cow in his hands. Technoblade smiled. “You mentioned it was his first Christmas, figured it would be nice to give him something. Plus, borrowers need ‘stimulus’ or something and I know they’re supposed to have, like, pet toys, but I think every little kid needs a plain old fashioned stuffed animal. I mean, he’s important to you, so he’s important to me, you know?”

Wilbur was actually speechless. Techno was never that outwardly thoughtful, he always had an issue expressing how he cared about people. Even though Wilbur was pretty sure Techno still saw borrowers as pets, he’d gone out of his way for Tommy. This…must have been really important to him. Tommy, who he’d never even met but had heard Wilbur gush about on the phone for hours, was important to him. He took a moment to wipe unshed tears from his eyes as he hugged his brother. “That means more to me than you know. And he’ll love this, genuinely. Funny enough, he has a weird love of cows.” Wilbur felt Techno laugh into his shoulder. “Send me a picture or something of him with it. And Phil and I want to meet the kid someday, remember?” “You will, I promise. Someday.” Wilbur smiled.

And before he knew it it was night, and Tommy had been left alone. Again.

He was a horrible brother, wasn’t he?

~~

He snuck into the house at around 9:10 at night, after the long drive home. He wasn’t sure if Tommy was asleep or not, but he wanted to be quiet all the same just in case. He didn’t see him anywhere at first, but he did notice the light in his room was off.

Wilbur creaked the door more open slightly, and saw a small figure under a blanket in the center of the bed. Ah, so Tommy had gone to bed early. He closed the door back to its neutral position of only slightly open (since Tommy couldn’t reach the doorknob). He had some cd cases to add designs to and wrap.

Had he taken a closer look, he may have noticed the minute shaking from under the blanket, or heard the sniffling of the tiny’s cries.

~~

Christmas Eve.

At least, that’s what all the calendars said. It meant fuck all to Tommy. All he’d ever associated Christmas with was obnoxious songs on the store radio (seriously, fuck those, if he ever had to hear any version of “Last Christmas” again, he’d scream), shiny decorations on the shelves, and parents coming in to buy their children mice or fish as a cheap replacement of the puppy their toddler had said they wanted. He’d been picked up a few times by those parents, thinking he’d be a good fit for their child, but he learned pretty quickly how to avoid being bought by those kinds of people. Parents didn’t want a pet that would curse at and bite their children. The only thing he actually enjoyed was that on Christmas day, the store was closed. No lights, no music, no crusty little kids or asshole employees. Just silence and peace for one day. Still alone, but alone with less of a reminder of where he was, what he was seen as, and how unwanted he’d been for so long.

But he didn’t have to worry about that this year. He’d found his forever home. At least, he hoped he did. He’d never had a reason to doubt that before.

But it had been two weeks. Two. Weeks. And Wilbur wasn’t around as much anymore.

For two weeks he’d been stalking around the house avoiding Tommy, leaving for hours on end and giving some bullshit excuse he made on the spot. Tommy wasn’t stupid. He just didn’t know why. What had he done to push Wilbur away?

Fuck this. Fuck all of this. Wilbur had always pushed Tommy to think for himself, to stand up for himself. He’d told Tommy his treatment at the store had been wrong. He’d told Tommy before that he had a habit of just letting himself be treated poorly. Back in the early days of his and Wil’s relationship, he’d let Wil just push him around. He’d go days without eating if Wil forgot to leave food for him, and he’d let himself be flung around like a ragdoll, content with the bruises. He never cared what happened to him. He’d never been wanted, he always assumed he was just not good enough. He wasn’t worth anything, why should he care about himself when no one else did?

Wilbur changed that. He changed all of it. He loved him. He made Tommy feel like he was worth something, godammit. What was the point of that if Wilbur was just going to throw him away? What kind of cruel, suck joke would it have been if Wilbur cared about him so much for all this time only to forget and abandon him now.

Fuck this. Fuck Wilbur. Fuck him for making Tommy feel like he was worth something, and fuck that he’d taught Tommy how to care about himself.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, he’d stand up for himself. Tomorrow he’d ask Wilbur…well, he wasn’t sure yet. But he had till tomorrow to think of something to say. Something to verbally sort out how hurt and sad and confused he’d felt.

Tomorrow.

~~

Tomorrow.

God, Wilbur was so excited he could hardly wait.

Tommy had spent most of the day in his room already, but Wilbur had gone in for a minute to drop off his breakfast and lunch just to ensure that Tommy didn’t have to leave. He needed the rest of the apartment empty.

Time to decorate.

He had a few bins of Christmas decorations that he’d bought from the dollar tree over the years, not much, but enough. He had a pretty basic tree, but it was more than enough to put Tommy’s gifts under.

He was proud of himself. Sure, he felt awful about not being home, and he hadn’t slept this little since his high school finals, but he was proud of himself. Tommy would love this.

Along with the clothes, the cow (that Wilbur had removed the bulky clip from), cd player, and cds, Wil had bought a bunch of supplies to make a decently sized parkour park for Tommy’s room and had made a big custom terrarium. Granted, neither of these were finished; the wood for the park was too rough to grab without splinters and the terrarium was mostly just a bunch of connected boxes filled with dirt (and a small buried fish bowl that functioned as as in ground pool to Tommy, Wilbur was pretty proud of that one), but he wanted Tommy to have some part in these things. They’d still be surprises, but after Christmas he’d get to pick how the park was set up and what colors it was, and he’s get to pick out what plants went in the terrarium, though Wilbur had already bought a couple of bigger Bonsai’s and made a small swing to hang from one of them. He knew Tommy would love these. He knew Tommy would love all of it.

He was going to give his little brother the best Christmas ever.

~~

Tommy hadn’t slept much. He was too worried about what to say. What could he say? Should he just wait a bit longer to say anything? Maybe Wilbur was just having a rough time with…something. Tommy wasn’t his only priority, after all.

No, fuck that. It’d been two weeks. If Wilbur really was having a hard time, he’d have said something. He’d have assured Tommy it wasn’t his fault, like he always did. Wilbur always reassured Tommy. Tommy’s well-being was always at the forefront of his mind, and he truly believed that; that’s one of the reasons he grew to trust the man so much. And if Wilbur was having a hard time? Tommy would find out. He just had to talk to him. He just had to suck it up and talk to-

His thoughts were cut off by the door opening more, his head snapping to the entrance as he heard an excited gasp. The lights were flicked on, and there in the doorway was Wilbur; Christmas pjs on, hair a mess, and bags under his eyes. By all means he looked tired, he looked fucking exhausted, but somehow only physically. Tommy took a minute to look at his expression and realized he hadn’t seen his human this happy in weeks, or, hell, ever. Wilbur looked ecstatic.

“Tommy!!” Wilbur yelled rushing forward and scooping the tiny into his hands, holding him against his cheek for a moment before pulling back and holding him at eye level. “Are you excited?” Tommy was speechless. Utterly fucking speechless. This was…now how he expected today to start. “…for what..?” Tommy asked, and that seemed to be just the question Wilbur was looking for. “For Christmas! It’s Christmas, Tommy!” “…yay?” Tommy said, still unsure of what to make of Wilbur’s sudden shift in attitude. But Wilbur just laughed and moved his hand a bit lower, beginning to walk out of the room. “C’mon, there’s something we have to take care of.”

Tommy could’ve sworn his heart stopped in that moment. ‘Please don’t be taking me away,’ he pleaded in his own head, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his whole body. He felt himself start to shake as he tried not to cry out loud. ‘Please don’t be preparing to pack me away and send me back to that fucking store. I can’t do it. I can’t fucking do it again, not after all this. Not after you. Us. Please, please, don’t abandon me. Please, please, plea-‘ “Tommy?” Wilbur asked, stroking a thumb down Tommy’s back, the familiar gesture helping immensely. Tommy cracked an eye open, turning back to look up at Wilbur. He only focused on Wilbur’s confusion and pity for a moment before something else caught his eye. Lights. Strings of lights lining the ceiling borders around the room. He followed the strands paths and realized they spread out into the next room, the living room, so he turned to see where they led.

He gasped.

A tree stood in the back corner of the room, giant and shiny and glowing. It was gorgeous. The room itself was decked out as well, green, red, silver, and gold tinsel hung off every surface, and christmas patterned blankets lined the couches. A fake fireplace video played on the tv as peaceful jazz renditions of Christmas tunes played quietly in the background. Most shockingly, under the tree, there were stacks of gifts of all varying sizes and wrapping papers, and some were even taller than he was!

“Do you like it?” Tommy turned back, seeing the hope in Wilbur’s eyes. He couldn’t help it. He just burst out crying, burying himself in Wilbur’s chest as soon as his big brother pulled him in closer.

“Woah, woah, Tommy, what is it, are you ok??” “I- I th- I thought-“ Tommy could barely bring himself to speak, his breath hiccuping with every sob. “Shush, shh, sh, it’s ok, Toms, you’re ok. Everything is fine. I’m here for you, ok?” Tommy felt large, gentle fingers down his back, and he fell back into a normal breathing rhythm. This was Wilbur. This was the Wilbur he’d missed. His brother was still here.

“…you did all this for me?” Tommy whispered, not lifting his head from Wilbur’s chest. “Of course! I had to give my little brother the best Christmas ever, of course.” He could hear the pride and excitement in Wilbur’s voice. “Took a bit of work, but I think you’ll love it. You wanna open some presents?” “They’re all for me?!” “Of course!” Wilbur beamed, bringing Tommy closer to the tree and setting him right in front of his presents. Tommy sniffled and wiped his eyes, nodding. “I didn’t get anything for you, though.” “And that’s alright,” Wilbur said, sitting down behind Tommy and leaning down to be closer to his level. “I didn’t expect you to. This is your first proper Christmas. Today is about you.” Wilbur finished, reaching behind the tiny to pick up a smaller present and hand it off to him.

Tommy took it carefully, as if he’d simply break it by holding it. The package was about the size of his torso, and was very light and squishy. The weirdest part of it was the tag, though. From…

“Technoblade..?” Tommy asked aloud, and Wilbur’s smile grew. “My twin. I saw him a few days ago and he wanted you to have this.” Tommy stared up at Wilbur, confused. “Did you tell him to get me something?” “Nope.” Wilbur said, popping the p at the end as Tommy took in what he was saying. Wilbur’s other brother thought of him? He knew the technical rest of his family didn’t really view him as a person, but…Techno had thought of him. And wanted to give him a gift. People didn’t do that for pets, did they?

Tommy began to carefully unwrap the paper around it before Wil told him he could just rip it up. That seemed a lot more fun, so he did, and he found a soft, squishy stuffed cow with little button eyes looking back up at him. Wilbur’s brother…knew his favorite animal? Tommy looked at it for a bit longer. It was a stuffed animal, just like other normal kids had. His size. It was practically made for him. Tommy just sat, taking the time to process it when he noticed a camera on him. He looked up with confusion and Wilbur laughed lightly.

“Techno wanted to know what you thought of it. You like it?” Tommy looked back at it before grinning widely. “Like it? I love it” He yelled, squeezing the cow to his chest. “Look at it, look at it, Wil! It’s amazing! She’s gorgeous. Her name is Henry. I will love her for the rest of time, I have never seen anything so fantastic in my life-“ He heard Wilbur laugh as he continued to rant. He heard a quick whisper of “I think he likes it” from Wilbur before the camera was set down. “Well, what do you say you open some more?”

~~

Wilbur hadn’t been disappointed by Tommy’s reactions to his gifts.

They started with clothes, which Tommy was somewhat skeptical about (probably cause he’d been through his fair share of clothes that Wilbur ordered that didn’t fit), but after learning that Wilbur had recruited his friends to make them specially for him and he’d even learned how to crochet to make some of the clothes himself, he was far more excited to open them. Tommy literally cried when he opened the first sweater Wilbur had made him. Wilbur forgot that Tommy had never owned a warm knitted sweater, apparently Tommy hadn’t even known that clothes could be made that soft. Needless to say he put it on immediately, as Wilbur couldn’t help the pride he felt. He was actually a bit shocked at some of Tommy’s reactions to things, given that he’d been severely confused by the idea of tech fabric and he didn’t know what to do with the scarves at first either. He was very excited to pull out a shirt with the Hamilton logo printed on it, though.

Next up had been the parkour wood, which Tommy hadn’t really understood until Wilbur drew out what he thought it should look like in the tiny’s room. Then Tommy spent the next 30 minutes drawing what he thought it should look like, and it became a collective effort to make it as cool as possible. Tommy also decided that it definitely needed to be painted red and definitely also needed flame decals. Wilbur could agree with that.

The next thing was the garden, and Tommy almost immediately wanted to get in the “pool” section of it, now that he knew he owned swim shorts (Wilbur really needed to get Niki something to thank her for this, she was a saint), but Wilbur convinced him to at least wait until presents where done. He told Tommy that as long as he was really careful, he’d take him to the store to buy whatever plants he wanted for the garden, and he knew that to Tommy, that was a present in itself. Tommy didn’t get to go to public places very often, but he loved it. Tommy literally gasped as he saw the bonsai swing, and started to talk about what he wanted the garden to look like; what plants, maybe small tiling, maybe even little benches. Wilbur just lightly pushed Tommy back and forth and listened.

The last gift he gave Tommy was the cd player and the disks. Those were the most personal to him, and he thought that Tommy would find them the most meaningful. He was soon proved right.

Tommy opened the Hamilton one first, and was ecstatic, his joy only rivaled by the next two, the more personal ones of all his favorite songs and soundtrack music that Wilbur had known. And as if Tommy hadn’t done enough crying today, he cried when he opened the cd of Wilbur’s own music. The songs that Tommy had loved, so Wilbur had made them even better for him. Tommy immediately popped that one into the cd player.

~~

Wilbur’s music continued to play out over the speaker as he and Tommy made cookies on the stove. As much as Wilbur wanted the cookies to be as good as Phil’s, Tommy was impatient as fuck and also a major kitchen menace. He had sit still long enough for Wilbur to properly make a decent bit of hot chocolate, but after that started to cool and he started making cookies, Tommy apparently just…couldn’t sit still any longer. He was a little bit helpful, but he couldn’t really help with most of the ingredients, so he ended up just getting covered in them and had also started using Wilbur as a jungle gym, making him mess up as well.

Wilbur put up with it until Tommy managed to hurl himself into the bowl of cookie dough. The human didn’t feel like taking Tommy all the way over to the sink, so he did what any rational person would do and just stuffed Tommy in his mouth, ignoring the profanities and screeches from the tiny. And if he “forgot” to let Tommy out until the cookies were in the over and the ingredients were put away, it was totally on accident.

By the end of the day, they were both sat on the couch, a mug of hot chocolate being shared between the two of them, watching some awful Christmas movie. Wilbur had tried to put on one of the ones he watched as a kid, but Tommy quickly proved too terrified of stop motion to keep them playing for long. So, they ended up just watching whatever came up on their tv, not that either of them were really paying attention, to caught up with everything that had happened all day. Tommy curled up into the side of Wilbur’s neck, pressed between a turtleneck sweater and warm skin, with Wilbur lifting the hot chocolate up to him to take sips from (coffee stirring straws were a blessing for that), fully content to just lay there forever. Even when Wilbur went to retrieve the cookies from the oven and started to break pieces off for Tommy after they cooled, he stayed right where he was.

“Y’know, Wil…” Tommy said after they had made their way back to the couch, bringing the plate of warm cookies with them. “You had me scared for a bit.” Wilbur hummed in confusion, unable to talk past the cookie in his mouth. Tommy sighed. “You just…I dont even know, really, you just kept…disappearing.” The tiny laughed shallowly. “I know it’s dumb, I know you better than to think you’d ever…yeah. I just…you went out of your way to ignore me. And, I get that now, I know why, I just…never mind, it’s stupid, I know what you were doing I just-“ “It’s not stupid.” Wilbur interrupted, lifting a hand to lay over Tommy. “Don’t ever try and invalidate your feelings like that. I…I know I fucked up. I just got…I got so worked up over making everything perfect for you. I was so focused on how you’d feel today that I ignored how you felt for the last two weeks, I don’t have an excuse for that. I’m so, so sorry, sunshine.”

God, Tommy really wasn’t gonna cry again. He didn’t want to cry this much on his first Christmas. He just felt…so much relief. He could feel an almost physical weight lift off his chest as Wilbur spoke. He had said exactly what Tommy wanted to hear, and he could tell that his big brother had meant every word. “Thank you. For..for apologizing. It’s ok, really, it is, you just know how I get sometimes.” Tommy looked down, and he felt Wilbur tilt his head towards him, squishing him farther into the neck and giving him a sideways hug of sorts. “And..and I know that you didn’t take me in just to have to spend every second with me, you have a life, too, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“And you’re part of my life. I love you, Toms, and I love to be around you. And I will never be offended by your fear that I may leave. That’s a recent trauma for you, no one said you had to get over that quickly. I’ll be here every day to make sure that having a proper, loving home becomes your new normal. I’ve become emotionally dependent on you, gremlin, you will never be able to get rid of me now.” Wilbur said, finishing by pressing his cheek against the boy, who only giggled and leaned farther into it it. “Thanks, Wilby.”

The two of them sat like that the rest of their movie, content to just be in each others company until Wilbur reached down to grab the hot (well, maybe now just warm) chocolate. Wilbur was a bit confused when Tommy took off the big sweater he was wearing, just leaving his tank top underneath, but that quickly turned to confusion when Tommy fell forwards into the mug. Wilbur panicked and quickly brought the cup up higher, seeing Tommy surface from the sweet liquid and start laughing. “Fuck, Tommy, are you ok, what the fuck was that?!” But Tommy only laughed harder. “You ignored me for two weeks, let me have this. Besides, don’t you wanna finish your hot chocolate?”

Wilbur scoffed and brought the cup up higher. “You’re lucky I love you.” Was the only warning Tommy got before Wilbur tipped the mug up and Tommy tumbled out of it with a yell, hot chocolate following behind him as Wilbur swallowed quickly. He felt Tommy squirm down his throat, hitting against the muscles around him but not trying to cause any real damage. Wilbur felt warmth bloom in his core as Tommy finally dropped into the stomach, along with the rest of the warm liquid. Wilbur pressed a hand onto his belly and felt Tommy press back. “You’re not gonna drown in there, are you?” “Nah,” Tommy said as Wilbur felt him flop back into the hot chocolate, making his stomach rumble. “It comes up just above my waist, I’m good. Now don’t move around to much, your stomach making noise shook me enough.” “Oh? You mean like…this!” Wilbur said, standing up only to flip back onto the couch face down, hearing Tommy scream and start laughing, and Wilbur couldn’t help but laugh with him. “Yes like that you bitch!! Get up you’re squishing me!!” Tommy yelled playfully, smacking the muscles around him. Wilbur rolled back over onto his back, breathless from laughing. He felt Tommy start to rub at the muscles around him and went limp, the internal massage making his muscles melt. “Merry Christmas, Wilbur.”

Wilbur could have cried in that moment. He didn’t deserve this kid. This little boy who’d made him happier than he’d been in years, who put faith in him after so many failed attempts at family, who even trusted him to hold his life within him. Maybe later there would be more mishaps, more misunderstandings. Maybe Wilbur would mess up again, and Tommy would start to lose that faith. But Wilbur would do anything for Tommy, and he’d have all the patience in the world for him to heal and grow, and he’d grow with him. They could grow together. But that was all for the future. For now, they’d be busy planting a garden, building a parkour course, playing music, and whatever else they could think to do. Together.

Wilbur smiled and rubbed back at where he felt his little brother.

“Merry Christmas, Tommy.”

[voidthewanderer]

INQUIRING MINDS WISH TO KNOW——>

For the OC Ask Game! ✨Creating your OCs✨

1, 3, 8, 12, 16 and 19 for Ripper, Shae and Arsenic!!!

:)

Please :))

Pretty please :)))

(Don’t make me whip out my quadruple chin!!!)

@anonwyvern || Questions About Creating Your OCs

Under cut for length; I needed to talk about my babiesss.

What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)? 

Shae: Shae was appearance, though and through. She'd gone through so many changes; species changes as she traveled through fandoms and back and forth between getting pulled from them to be from original concepts. Being online during the massive point online where "Mary Sue bad and you're a terrible person for making them!", she kind of just went onto this backburner with everything; looks, appearance, story, everything.

Ripper: Mostly appearance, but a super loose as hell backstory as well. Rips was originally a Left 4 Dead OC and of a concept that never actually made it to the game at that. Most of what did exist of his backstory was just that he was an asylum escapee who was turned. Rather than the straight jacket being closed up, his arms were free. He's had the most changes over his entire timespan.

Arsenic: Appearance 100%. He actually was originally a concept made by my nephew! He wanted a zombie chef, so I made a zombie chef!

3. How did you choose their name? 

Shae: I honestly don't even remember where her name came from. It wasn't exactly a popular name when I made her, damn probably about seventeen years ago now? Maybe longer, I think.

Ripper: Was originally a sort of punny name. "A scream ripping at one's throat". Where Joseph Trumoil came from, is one of those things that just... happened. Sometimes names just get stuck in my head. I'll quote him directly from the WIP of Chapter 26 of Mnemonic Impressions for why it's still Ripper: "Thanks to my old line of work, if it were humanly possible at that time, I could rip someone apart and know exactly how to do it to cause the most damage; didn’t help I used t’ do some body building. My friends were… fucked up t’ say the least."

Arsenic: I kinda thought it would be funny for an undead, zombie chef to have his name be the same as a poison.

8. What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story? 

Shae: Let's just say that I am actually very mouthy like Shae it. And, just like with her current situation with Sinjin, I need to learn how to keep my mouth shut so I don't get hurt.

Ripper: There's actually not much story wise I relate to with Rips. If anything, I'm envious of my own character. He's charismatic, charming, his style is impeccable. I guess he did get a lot of my "do no harm, but take no shit" personality.

Arsenic: The cooking! Arsenic is literally probably the person I would become (sans the murders) if I actually stayed in the food service industry.

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

Shae: It's actually been difficult to keep her silver tongued, combative, defiant, but also keeping her... alive. In all honesty, she would probably be dead by now if I didn't mellow her out a bit. She's legit supposed to be as vile as Sinjin is, cutting some completely reprehensible stuff, but I also know that she would have been long since dead before her story even started.

Ripper: No lie, actually nailing down his official design. Every time I think I have something solid, I go "oh, this would work with him!" and then things would change. Rinse and repeat. Now it's more just trying to nail down exactly who I wanna build his facial structure off of, because William Treat is EXACTLY how he smiles, but I also adore him having sharp features like Dum Dum from Cyberpunk 2077 has. Trying to blend the two together is... fun.

Arsenic: HIS FACE. HIS FUCKING FACE. I DID IT TO MYSELF BUT GOD WHY

16. What is something about your OC can make you cry? 

Shae: Her story. Like, god her story is fucked up and just the fact that so much about her kids was kept from her and knowing everything she's gone through, that she's the way she is through so much tragedy and just out of a necessity to survive.

Ripper: Also his backstory, but also like... this man is such a sweetheart and sensitive. Be it because he's just being so goddamn cute or because he's going through an existential crisis, he's probably gonna say something that would either turn me into a mushy mess or bawling my eyes out because why did I hurt you this much.

Arsenic: There's two things with him. When he lets his walls down and lets people in, showing that he's not just a hardened ghoul who hates everything around him. Also, if anything were to happen to Crow, this man's heart would absolutely shatter and he'd probably lose his goddamn mind. That sort of mental torment of feeling like he's lost his soul mate, knowing how he'd react to it, especially now with them in his life again.

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Shae: Not so much of a fact of the character itself (because imho anything I really say with her will give away parts of Addicted), but the fact that she's the second OC I've ever created! She's my second oldest OC, being seventeen (plus) years old.

Ripper: He's only second generation American born in his family! His parents are the first born, his grandmother is from Palermo, his grandfather from Verona.

Arsenic: No matter what, Arsenic was meant to cook and I don't mean that just by his concept alone. He's someone who would be considered to have a natural born talent for what he does and I genuinely cannot think of anything else I would have ever even considered putting him in. If it wasn't a chef, it would've been a cafe owner.

[the-heaminator]

OKAY SO; Heinrich's mom died when he was young like 8-9, and his dad being a veteran of ww2 with ptsd & some pretty heavy survivors guilt & now a wife who just didn't wake up one morning turned to drinking. So Heinrich has this whole "after my mom died my dad was never sober, not as far as i remember, and yeah he went through a lot but I still resent him for not being there for me".

Heinrich's dad dies when Heinrich is just shy of 18. He has a little melt down, goes "i don't want to be here anymore". And with literally zero plan and two bags of his stuff just leaves. Ends up in the UK, with no job, barely anything to his name, and not sure if he's even going to stay there. (part of him thinks it's not far enough from Germany)

Romulus was a hippy through and through, he was all 'peace and free love ✌️' probably lived in a commune of sorts (just too many people in one house but hey it was home). He had run away from home when he was about 16 because his parents were ✨shitty✨, and was living his own found family trope.

Heinrich finds out finding a job when technically you're not there at all, and also homeless is harder than he thought. So he's on the streets for a solid two weeks until Romulus is walking home from a party and finds him. He tells Heinrich he can come stay with him and his 'family' and Heinrich has a moment of "i could get murdered if I go with him, i could also get murdered sleeping on a park bench" he goes with Romulus. They share a room (did I mention too many people in one house) and it's fine bc they're strictly homies, plus it's just for a few nights until Heinrich finds a job.

a few nights turns into a few months, about a month and a half in Romulus tells Heinrich "Listen, I don't mind you staying, but you should come with us to this march! It'll be fun, and it's for a good cause and I don't think it's much to ask on our part :\" While there some idiot says something, Romulus looks at Heinrich "Can kiss you?" "what?!" "Can I kiss you?" "...sure?" and Romulus kisses Heinrich right on the mouth for the cause of pissing off a homophobe.

a few nights later before bed "you know how you kissed me a few a days ago?" "Yeah, why? Did u like it :p?" "...yeah" "do you want me to kiss you again?" "...yes please" they never officially label their relationship but they sure are kissing a lot.

anyway six to eight months go by, Heinrich still hasn't found a job. And while he's grateful for a roof over his head, and he doesn't mind pitching in with housework, and Romulus sure isn't bad either, he gets tired of waiting around, and he gets real sick of the rest of the housemates.

One night he tells Heinrich they have to have a talk, he enlisted in the military. He was going to be an army mechanic, they get in a whole argument "I want a family Romulus!" "we are your family!" "no! I want a spouse! someone who's just mine, I want kids, I want my own house, I don't want to have to rely on kindness for food that night or money for rent," Romulus gets really quiet, "We're anti military, if you joined the military you can't live here anymore. Leave" Heinrich didn't say he expected anything else. He leaves.

He's going to get his wife, and his kids, and the house and a steady job. Romulus will too eventually, it would take him awhile longer though.

Then fifty years later they're both going to show up for some seniors game night and go "...oh fuck"

but anyway yeah thoughts?

thoughts. THOUGHTS?????

MY BROTHER IN CHRIST I HAVE NO THOUGHTS THIS IS WONDERFUL AND ACTUALLY SO WELL THOUGHT OUT WTFFFFFFFFF.

Imagine seeing the guy you lived with and kissed a couple times in a free love commune in the 80s 50 years later and you once again have the violent urge to kiss him after 50 fucking years even if the last time you saw him you had a massive argument.

And they're both widows, Heinrich at this point has a 7 year old Gilbert and a 3 year old Ludwig and needs help and Romulus is more than happy to provide it but over time they get really close again and Ludwig basically grow up with Romulus as Grandpa number 2 and so much of Gilbert's formative experiences with affection between adults comes from Heinrich and Romulus being fucking Weirdly Cuddly. Which is why later on he can't tell the difference between having a crush on Alfred and just being good friends.

But also imagine present day Gilbert going, hey, how did you two even meet?

Heinecih evades the question and Romulus flatly goes hippy free love commune. And blows Gilbert's mind.

"Opa, you weRE A HIPPY?

"NO, NO, I just needed a place to stay."

[thistransient]

Ah, a perfect illustration for me to muse about KL.

- For some reason I expected KL to follow a similar flow; after all, I was also going back after ten years (and thereby redoing a somewhat malcontent experience with the ex). However, I made many tactical errors here. I did not make solid plans, I waffled and faffed about, unable to decide if I was staying here or going there (inevitably, I stayed as it required the least effort), I had no real meaningful social interaction, I stayed in a hotel with no breakfast, I was bereft when faced with description-less menus in down-to-earth local establishments ("what do you recommend?" or "which is your favourite?" to the server is a very dangerous question indeed). I feel somewhat remorseful that I did not commit to a bit, either complete sloth and hipster cafes, or truly dedicated tourist-ing. I also stayed directly on Jalan Petaling, and found in a strange way (okay maybe I'm really stretching for a complaint here) it detracted from the fun of going in search of the place to be if you're staying smack in the middle of it.

- When I went to Seoul I did research. I had plans. Things to see! Places to go! I stayed at a guesthouse and had some friendly interaction with the host, and daily provided breakfast. Most places I ate at had picture menus for wayward foreigners, or at least I was familiar enough with Korean food and Hangul to figure things out. It was suitable weather for rambling around. I was having a bittersweet life transition ending Chinese class, and revisiting Korea after ten years!

It was also not the weather for extended trotting about outside (I did eventually partake in the time-honoured tropical tradition of walking around the giant multi-storey AC'd mall though).

- This is not to say I didn't enjoy the hipster cafes and art spaces (once I actually got out of bed). Or staying in a hotel room bigger than my own apartment, with nice bedding (even if I never figured out how to turn on the hot water in the shower). But in hindsight it feels kind of a coagulated blur. When I was there, it was an elastic eternity, and now that I'm back, almost as if I never left. Perhaps I simply wasn't in the right frame of mind, or perhaps I was just somewhat brainwashed by the blaring music from the bars across the street until 3 or 4 AM my first few nights there.

- I will say though, I had a very heartening experience being gendered unequivocally correctly around 99% of the time. One thing about Chinese is that with no spoken gendered pronouns and a formal "you", it is very hard to tell how people are perceiving me in Taiwan until they are trying to redirect me to a different bathroom, which is really not the optimal situation in which to find this out. Malaysia is very into the sir/ma'am honorifics. I suspect there is also some effect had by a more conservative, illegal-homosexuality sort of culture where clothes and styling are great determiners of which box one gets sorted into, vs Taipei where it's fair game to assume that maybe you look like that cause you're just really, really gay?

- The metro escalators in KL go much faster than I'm used to an escalator going (I'm not complaining). The metro in KL is also disjointed and confusing and the ticket machines are uncooperative for wrangling.

- I don't want to judge a group of people on a whole based on their hospitality personas, so I'll just say at the least, Malay Malaysians working in customer service are very charming and friendly.

- I really intended to eat a ton of fruit and then I just...didn't, maybe because I am used to buying fruit whole in multi-kilo volumes and eating it at home, but the hotel was not conducive to that at all (no mini fridge, no knives).

- Every time I go to Singapore/Indonesia/Malaysia I come away wanting to learn Malay/Indonesian because it is just so delightful to look at the stack of languages in one piece of signage and have no real idea which word matches up to which in English. (Well, that's not entirely correct, I can recognise some basic things à la "saya suka makan pisang" after those two weeks couchsurfing in Sumatera some years ago. But then, I'm always torn because if I want to learn an Austronesian language I should really just go for Filipino so I can actually understand half my tumblr dash- I cracked open a teach-yourself sort of book at a hostel in Cebu once and my brain simply refused to unlatch its death grip on Chinese at the time, but maybe there's room for another grammar system in there now?)

- On the plane back there were (or so it sounded) at least two children who threw a fit and screamed bloody murder at full lung capacity (I am really not exaggerating here, it was impressive) when we experienced turbulence during takeoff and landing, but I had already put in my hotel earplugs, and simply smiled to myself thinking of how I'd learned, through a visit to Teotihuacán one year, that when the Aztecs sacrificed children to the rain god, the more they cried the better the rains were expected to be.

- For the first time ever at Taoyuan Airport the immigration officer examined my passport in minute detail (even some kind of little magnifying glass thing?) and asked how long I was staying, which reminded me a) I forgot to make myself look presentable and b) I claim to live here but I actually have zero guaranteed right to it at the moment (sleep deprived and not having eaten since breakfast, this threatened to send me into an emotional spiral until I reminded myself of those compounding factors and decided to save that thought for after dinner). I said I was leaving on the 19th (because that is the date for which I still have an unused exit flight). The officer seemed pacified and stamped me in for another 90 days. But maybe it is time to finally put some effort into reestablishing my formal alien residency.

- Last but not least, maybe I should have stayed in KL cause apparently Taiwan is having a heatwave and it's gonna be 39C tomorrow, and KL will be a chilly 31 or so.

[absolutebl]

These Weeks in BL - This Is Very Late, Or Right on Time depending on where you sit on the temporal debate team

Sorry I got distracted by work. In my defense: I was paid.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

March 2024 Wk 1 & 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 12 fin - Unfortunately, there was singing. But what can we do?

A soft charming warm hug of a show about crushes and mind reading and self worth, with no-fuss execution from a consummate team and an OG lead pair proving why they remain eternal and deserve to grow up. Look, here’s the thing, Cherry Magic is a great Thai BL in its own right not comparing it to any other iteration. But even when I do compare (and I've seen all the Cherries and read the manga) it still stands. This is a great show, a solid adaptation, and a pleasing take on the original yaoi. I personally like it better than the Japanese live action, but I think that’s because I just really like Thai BL and I LOVE TayNew. I doubted them for this and I shouldn’t have. They did a great job, as did the sides. I will say all the kissing was both present and better than any other iteration. As it should be. Definitely one for the rewatch rotation. 9/10 

Deep Night (Thurs iQiyi) ep 1 of 8 (10?) - Damn it, I love it. And I don't want to. It’s more classic BL than I thought it would be, and far less Only Friends or Playboyy. (Thank fuck.) We got a big cast and a lot of tropes going down out the gate, including SMITTEN popular hot guy versus nerd with secret identity. (Incidentally, Khem did drop into rude / informal when arguing with his Aunt and defending his ma. Bratty boy.) The leads have good chemistry (First always does), and everyone is very pretty. The main boy reminds me of J-Min's role (and look) in Love Class 2. I am entertained. (And faintly wonder why this isn't a MosBank vehicle.)

To Be Continued (Thai C3 Thailand grey) eps 1-3 of 8- High school sweethearts who had a bad break up reunite a decade later when both of them have full time jobs (celebrity & doctor). Dr Ji is a familiar face (hi Dream it's been a LONG time) and everyone is way too old for high school, but I guess I prefer this to child actors?

I'm enjoying it, actually, the cast may be older but they're solid as a result and the chemistry is on point for a pulp. Whether our celebrity is on the DL or cheating or something else remains to be seen but he sure is smitten. The way he LOOKS at Ji = hawt.

Frankly? Celebrity/doctor is a good pairing and this is a solid Thai BL. I hope we have a nice angsty reason for the break-up and we're not in another Promise situation. I like the sides too. Carry on, little show, I'm disposed to be pleased with you.

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 12 - I am enjoying it, actually. It’s incredibly silly. But I don’t really mind. STOP SINGING. 

1000 Years Old eps 3-4 of 12 - I love that these kids basically adopted a vampire pet. And one of them accidentally got a vampire boyfriend. This suddenly turned from a PNR into a family drama about domestic gays opening a food stall and I'm not mad about it. Nothing makes sense and I don't care because... rainbow umbrella!

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV grey) eps 1 of 10 - I don’t love it. I make no bones about the fact that a pining uke rarely works for me, especially if he’s younger (cute supportive besties not withstanding), the power dynamic isn’t good. I always like Kimmon, he’s a stiff actor but v pretty. (I shallow af.) Still it’s time he started acting his age… literally. Having to watch ads again as well… for this? Ooof. I'm not sure I'm strong enough.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 6 fin - It was very cute. I liked that there was uke instigated kisses. However I have some reservations on this one, much as I enjoyed it.

Adapted from Mayo Tsurakame’s manga, production team included Tadaaki Horai (My Love Mix-Up!) and Takeshi Miyamoto (Old Fashion Cupcake). Essentially Perfect Propose was about finding hope in a person when all other hope is gone. This show focuses on apathy, and perforce is somewhat apathetic and un-engaging especially as the pacing was off (and with only 6 episodes? now) However, this is countered by great visuals, good archetypes, and a clean story of childhood sweethearts reuniting after loosing their way in life. I landed on 8/10 mostly for a demanding younger seme and some great kisses. 

Unknown (Taiwan Tues Youku YouTube) eps 2-3 of 11 - Oh it’s great. I love it. I’m still worried by how gritty and "Taiwanese short-esk" it feels, but wow does this hit all my favorite taboo tropes and buttons. I also adore the little found fam, they the cutest gay older bros ever. The younger one who wants so bad to grow up and take care of the older one and pushes himself because into self sacrifice that’s the only model of love he has. ARGH. BOYS. Why so much pain, just smooch already! Sheesh. It's on YouTube for some of us, here's the schedule.

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) eps 6-7 of 10 - They remain questionably cute, and that is probably going to be my ultimate review of this show. Awe cameo! (Hi babies, hope the ghosts are leaving you alone.) The irony does not escape me that the person in the relationship with the most emotional acumen is, in fact, the robot and not the human. I'm sure that's meant to be deep.

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 6 - A tortured second chance romance featuring a reported and a successful celebrity(?) academic. The kid actors look nothing like their adult counterparts, but they do look much younger. So, okay. Ah the utter embarrassment of first love. Oh I like it a lot, so very messy Japanese emo. Sigh. Here we go again.

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 8-9 of 10 - They are a cute couple. They both trying so hard and so confused and awkward and polite in trying to understand each other but TERRIBLE at communication. 

My Strawberry Film (Japan Thurs Gaga) eps 3-4 of 8 - I don’t know how I feel about this. But I do know it’s not my thing because it’s not BL. I’ll finish it because it’s short but… meh. 

It's done, ready to binge, but I have no time

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master (Vietnam YouTube) - I will try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will watch eventually.

It's airing but...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - finished it's run and I won't be watching it. It's horror with BL elements and the ending, well, let's just say that's a "no thank you" from me.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… no. I'm not watching this. I dislike this franchise.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Takumi-kun (2023) movie version AKA Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa released on FOD 3/5/2024. The original project was a 6 ep series. Having seen all the previous iterations and read the (terrible) yaoi I admit to being intrigued. If anyone finds eng subbed please let me know with a link in comments or in a DM? For those intersted in this show, probably the world's first true BL franchise I chat all about it here.

Gossip

James Supamongkon has withdrawn from the series Love Upon A Time and the NetJames pair is no more. Net Siraphop will continue with the historical BL project alongside a new partner. Can I interest you in Tod Techit... almost as pretty, legs for days...

The Complete Chronology of the Assault Case Against GMMTV Actor Win Pawin

I'm merely directing your attention to these articles, I do not wish for discussion of this content on this blog. Please don't ask for further info, I don't know the answer, follow the link that's why it's there.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still Coming

3/21 Two Worlds (Thai IQIYI) 10 eps - announced here. One of those "he's dead Jim so time travel" thingames staring MaxNat. I'm over them but Asia flipping loves this trope and I do adore MaxNat. Phupha (Gun) and Khram (Nat) love each other but Phupha is murdered. Then Khram is pulled to a parallel world where, 12 years ago, Khram and Tai (Max) were in love. However, Khram was killed by Thai’s dad. Now Tai finds alter-Khram apparently alive. But then there is ALSO an alter-Phupha (played by Gun Thanawat who is Khom the repressed butler bodyguard from Unforgotten Night).

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

How flipping adorable is this vampire with his big gay umbrella? SUCH A DORK and we got more vampire dorks coming.

Thailand has found its vampire line and it's awkward and geeky and quite cheerful. 'Bout what we expected, to be fair. It's a good look for them.

And vampires.

In other news...

That's your random moment of thirst, Lim Jimin shirtless AKA my Just B bias (I mean, I could talk about how good his extensions are and how I love a husky voice in Kpop but really, just LOOK at him). I'm very very very shallow, remember? Full vid is here.

Why am I mentioning Lim Jimin (aside from the obvious)? If Just B doesn't break soon, I could some of them transitioning to BL. Jimin in particular would be a win for us, obvs.

Also, can we talk about Bain (my bias wrecker) KILLING it on Build Up? I had no idea he was that good. Anygay, this has been your Kpop end note.

Seriously tho, is ANYONE else watching Build-Up?

(Last week - well, 2 weeks ago)

Streaming services are listed how I'm (usually watching) which is with a USA based IP

The tag bragade: @doorajar

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will. Easy peesy.

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 21

Chapter 21: "Whenever I Get Around You"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (language, sexual/adult themes in other chapters)

Status: COMPLETE

Warning: Familial problems, mother/daughter issues

***********************

-Thanksgiving Day-

It was a good thing that Namjoon had his schedule full the days leading up to Thanksgiving. Their first show was in a couple of days and they were using every bit of it getting ready for it. Thankfully, they had been given Thanksgiving day off so they would be able to attend dinner.

The guest list was less than 20 and most knew each other, so I was sure everyone would be comfortable. My brother, Sebastian, was my writing partner and on most occasions when I wrote songs for the guys, he had assisted, so the guys knew Seb pretty well. Not to mention that on several occasions, my brothers and Ky hung out with the guys when they visited LA.

It was getting close to noon, the time I had told everyone to be there. My tia Jia and Jinny, her daughter, were helping me set up. The three of us had prepared all the food and we were finishing things when the first round of people rang the door.

It was the guys, always punctual. I welcomed them at the front door and they made their way into the house, eyes gawking over the place and commenting on how beautiful my home was.

Namjoon made his way to me, brushing his lips against mine. When I pulled away, those deep dimples threatened to turn me into a puddle of mush.

“I forget how huge this place is. It’s amazing how close you are to the beach,” Hoseok said, his mouth and eyes fully open.

“This must be millions of dollars,” Jungkook muttered, his head peaking to the backyard.

I didn’t comment, not comfortable with confirming how right he was.

None of the guys knew, not even Namjoon, but the reason I was able to afford this home was due to an inheritance left to me by my grandfather. When he passed, he had left a fortune behind. My mother gained a wealth of her own as a recording artist and hired a financial advisor who assisted in setting her children up for life. It was one of the few good things she did for me and my brothers. By the time I was 24, I had enough to buy my dream home: a house large enough to fit a large family comfortably with a beautiful view and proximity to the beach.

While I was raised privileged, I didn’t flaunt it. Another good attribute my mother instilled in us since childhood: being humble. While I owned this lavish house, the items inside tended to be pretty modest. I was more than willing to spend a good amount of money for a solid house with a breathtaking view, but I wasn’t about to waste money on luxurious furniture when I could buy something similar and cheap from IKEA.

“Do you still have the chairs on that cliff?” Yoongi asked almost excitedly.

“Oh, yeah. Can we go out there sometime today?” Namjoon looked like a little kid, ready to jump up in excitement.

The guys had visited the house a few times. Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung tended to gravitate toward the pools—one was outside and the other was inside and heated. Hobi was in love with the setup of my closet, Jin admired my wine cellar, and Namjoon and Yoongi were drawn to the cliff in my property that overlooked the ocean. It was actually my favorite spot in my home as well. I liked going out there with a good book, notebook, or camera.

“Yeah,” I answered them, smiling at their cuteness. “We can go now or right at sunset. It’s my favorite time of the day.”

“Can we do both?” asked Yoongi.

I was about to say yes when my tia Jia and Jinny came into view.

They all exchanged pleasantries with each other. Jinny had met the guys a couple of times, so she was shier than usual. The boys tended to be quiet at first meeting someone, so there was an immediate awkwardness. However, my aunt was quick to make everyone feel at ease. Everyone was laughing in no time.

We took the guys over to the appetizer area so they could start eating. Of course, we made sure there was a combination of savory and healthy food to choose from. They were getting ready for a show, after all.

As the guys chatted with my tia Jia and Jinny, Namjoon pulled me to another room.

At first, I thought he was wanting to find a secret corner to make out in, which I was totally up for. However, I was quickly disappointed.

“How did your brothers handle the news?” he asked curiously.

I frowned, not sure what he was meaning.

He looked confused by my confusion. “About us?”

The realization hit me. I had promised to tell my family about Namjoon by Thanksgiving. Yet here we were and I had failed to keep that promise. I silently cursed at myself.

 “You haven’t?” he asked, a look of disbelief and almost concern on his face. “Why?”

I was at a loss for words. “I’ve been so busy with planning everything that it slipped.”

There was a flash in Namjoon’s eyes. One that I had rarely seen. And never towards me. He wasn’t just irritated, he was pissed.

It made my stomach become unsettled. “It was an honest mistake,” I tried to explain quickly. “I’ve told Ky, Jinny, and my uncle John, so it’s not like I’m keeping it a secret on purpose.”

The glare did not waver. “Kyong guessed it on his own, you said so yourself weeks ago. I’m sure your aunt is the one who told your uncle. It was only Jinny you told. And that’s only because her parents and brother knew—you felt obligated to,” he accused.

My heart rate picked up. I don’t know why I lied. It was an impulse—quick thinking to save my ass. I should have known Namjoon not only would have sniffed out the lie right away but be quick to call me out on it.

“I’m sorry,” I said defeatedly.

“About not telling them or lying to me?” he asked, his eyes digging into mine.

Suddenly, I could feel an inner frustration building inside me. But I wasn’t sure who it was geared towards: myself or Namjoon? I had acted stupid, not thinking before speaking and hurting Namjoon in the process. But I was also upset with him for not waiting until after dinner at least to discuss this. There was a group of people in the other room, soon more would be joining. Why bring this up now?

“Both,” I answered him, hoping he could drop this until tonight.

“Are you sorry for both, though?” he wasn’t letting this go.

He had pushed me to my own irritation. “Why are you picking a fight right now? There are guests out there. Did something happen that’s making you take your anger out on me?”

“You’re trying to turn the tables around and it’s not going to work,” he shot back.

God, he really wanted a fight. I closed the door, ensuring more privacy and giving me the liberty to meet his heat with mine.

“That’s not what I’m doing. If you want to discuss how you feel about my fuck up, I’m totally up for it. But we have people outside and I have a feeling this discussion is going to last a pretty long time. Is it really wise to have it now?” I wanted to snap at him fully. But I was trying to be calm and logical.

He had a lot to say, I could feel him holding himself back. But he saw my reasoning. He took a breath after a long moment and gave a short nod.

I took a breath myself and met his eyes. We looked at each other for a long moment. I could hear him telepathically letting out his frustration at me. And I took it. I deserved it.

He settled down after a while, his eyes softer, but the hurt and anger were still there.

I stepped in, feeling safe to do so. Placing my hand upon his face, I guided his head to bend to mine. Staring right into his deep, warm cocoa eyes, I made another promise. One I fully intended to follow through with. “As soon as they come in through the door—whether together or separately—I will be telling them.”

There was a hesitation in his stare. He didn’t automatically believe me.

And it felt like a stab in the stomach that he didn’t. “Ok?” I asked, sounding desperate.

Maybe it was my tone that moved him. He took my face in his own hands and caressed me, his features softening with concern. “Ok.”

How he immediately forgot his frustration and was now worried for me squeezed my chest. I wanted to apologize. Get on my knees and wish to take back making him feel sorry for me. That’s why he had forgotten his own emotions: my well-being had taken president.

His concern and consideration for others made him deserve everything good in this world. It was impossible for anyone who was blessed to get a chance to know him not to fall into his gravity. My soul was already pulled and now attached to his skin. And I was getting drawn in deeper. And I was scared to shit of it because I wanted to be fully engulfed in him. So much so that I didn’t care if I lost myself in him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the next hour, more guests showed up: Ky and his family were the next ones, followed by my Tio John, and finally, my brothers and their spouses arrived together. The ones missing were my parents. They lived 30 minutes away so I decided to give them some time before getting too worried. Plus, I had to do some damage control and speak to my brothers.

To show Namjoon I was serious about not being ashamed of our relationship, I made sure he was with me when I pulled my brothers aside to tell them about our relationship.

Not that I really needed to vocally proclaim it. As my brothers, Namjoon, and I made our way into an empty room, my brothers knew what was up.

“How long has this been going on?” My oldest brother, Seb, did a once-over on Namjoon as he motioned the two of us. He crossed his arms, purposely flexing his muscles. He was a couple of inches shorter than Namjoon, but he was a former boxer and still regularly hit the gym, so he was heavier set.

I could sense Namjoon getting a little nervous next to me, his eyes almost bulging out.

Vic smirked and followed our brother’s lead. He was slimmer and slightly shorter than Seb, but the countless tattoos on his arms, hands, and neck made him look intimidating as fuck.

I had to give it to Namjoon, he continued to keep his head high, even though I was sure he was internally shaking. Any other guy would have run to the door.

But I wasn’t about to let this game of my protective brothers continue too long. I stepped forward and pinched both of them in the arm.

Instantly, they turned into wimpy, little boys.

“Ow, that hurts!”

“Ayyyyy! Que mala!”

As they licked their wounds, I stood protectively in front of Namjoon. “We’ve been dating for a couple of months. Yes, it’s serious. No, not many know about us. No, I haven’t told Mamá y Papá. Yes, we understand the risks—both personal and professional. Yes, it’s worth it. And no, you cannot—and I repeat—you cannot take him to the speedway as a rite of passage. Any other questions?”

“What do you mean we can’t take him to the speedway?” asked Vic, looking appalled.

“How else do you suggest we get to know him if we can’t take him there?” Sebastian asked at the same time.

I gave them an incredulous look. “You’ve known Namjoon for almost a decade. You’ve hung out with him plenty of times.”

“That’s in the studio or when it’s all the guys together,” Seb reasoned.

“Then take him out for drinks—have dinner with him,” I suggested.

They continued to fight their case for the remainder of the day. They wouldn’t let it go.

I was pleased Namjoon found it more entertaining than annoying. He knew my brothers’ intentions were good. I had shared with Namjoon long ago that when first started dating, my brothers kept their noses out of my relationships. However, after my asshole ex damaged me, they became over-protective, always wanting to meet my boyfriends. I couldn’t be too upset about their method, especially when it seemed to work. The guys who tended to treat me well had been the ones my brothers gave full approval to. But I wasn’t about to admit this to them.

As the day continued, Bangtan and my brothers began to bond. My brothers weren’t as fluent in Korean as I was. They pretty much understood it but had trouble forming sentences. But this wasn’t a problem for them, all were enjoying the company.

I started noticing it was getting closer to serve dinner but my parents hadn’t arrived. I made my way to the kitchen to clean up a little, Namjoon joining me.

Namjoon did the dishes while I cleared and cleaned the counters. “How should I address your parents?” he asked, looking anxious.

“What do you mean? You’ve met them before. Call them by their names,” I said.

“That was before—and years ago when we were only friends. Things are different now,” he insisted. He was starting to bounce around on his heels, looking anxious.

I understood him; I remembered how stressed I was when I interacted with his parents during the online concert. “Just call them Mr. and Mrs. Luna. Be sure to use ‘sir’ when addressing my dad. You’ll have him eating out the palm of your hand. He always complains about how my generation seems to have lost its manners.”

“I thought it was Mexican custom to use their first name, not last. Shouldn’t I be calling him Señor Pedro?” he asked with a serious look.

He had such a thick accent when he said it, I couldn’t help the laugh that came out.

He gave a shy smile at my reaction. “Did I pronounce it that badly?”

I nodded. “You sounded really white.”

“I’m Korean!”

“Yeah, but you sounded like a white guy saying it.”

A brighter blush crept across his cheeks. “I should start learning Spanish.” He had a look in his eye like he was starting to make plans on hiring a private Spanish tutor once he got back to Korea.

I needed to squash the idea, quickly. I took his face in my hands so I could have his full attention. “Handsome, if you take on another hobby, it’s going to eat up the small amount of free time I have with you. Please don’t hire another tutor.”

He presented me with his dimples. “Ok.” He leaned in and claimed my lips with his.

“Thank you,” I said, giving him a kiss of gratitude.

“Get a room,” came a voice behind us.

Victor and his wife had entered with a couple of more dishes. I stuck out my tongue at him.

“We’re getting pretty hungry out there, sis. Any update from my mom and dad?” he asked.

I looked down at my phone for the 30th time in the last half hour. “Nope.”

“I’ll call them to see where they are,” suggested Victor as he took out his phone.

“I can do it. Go ahead and keep everyone entertained,” I told him. My middle brother tended to be the life of the party—a personality similar to Hobi’s. I would prefer he was with the guests, keeping the mood light.

He turned to his wife, Debi, and they shared a look.

“What?” I asked, catching it.

“You’re the host, Maya. It’s best if you’re out there instead of Vic. Let him handle it,” Debi said, trying to appear to be covering something.

I turned to Namjoon who looked as puzzled as I felt. I was glad to know I wasn’t the only one feeling something was off. And as much as I wanted to question my family about their odd behavior, I just wanted this taken care of.

“It’s fine. I’ll do it.” I got my phone out and selected my mom’s contact before anyone could intercept it. I headed to an empty room, closing the door behind me.

My mother answered after a few rings, “Bueno.”

“Hey, where are you guys? We’re getting ready to start dinner.”

“Oh, were we invited?” My mother’s tone was short and venomous.

I tried to ignore the fact that my skin was crawling. “What?”

“Here I thought you were having a small gathering with your friends for the holiday instead of having a proper meal with your parents.” The amount of bitterness that was coming out of my mother’s mouth was enough to melt my cell phone.

She constantly did this. Spoke in riddles when she was angry and expected me to know the reason for her anger. It was a game I always lost in.

Unlike the argument with Namjoon that I could push back until some other time, this argument with my mother couldn’t wait. I walked over to the restroom and closed the door, ensuring no one outside could hear.

“Madre, will you just tell me what you’re upset over instead of being passive-aggressive?”

“That’s a big word for you. Miss College Big Shot is putting her degree to good use.” It was snide comments like these that made me believe my mother resented me for leaving home so young to go to college. I had used the excuse that I wanted to better myself when, in reality, I had wanted to escape. College had been the way out. And my mother had taken college to mean I thought less of her because she had never gotten more than a high school diploma.

“Will you not dodge the question and tell me why you’re so upset with me?” I demanded. I had no time for her games. I had a room full of guests waiting for me, including a very excited boyfriend who was looking forward to meeting my crazy mother.

“Well, if you really must know…” she started. I could practically imagine the smoke coming out of her nostrils, she sounded so frustrated. “This is supposed to be a family holiday and you invited all those friends that we did not all agree to. Friends that you have chosen over your own blood these last two years.”

I finally pieced everything together. It was jealousy. It was resentment for me choosing to stay in Korea rather than coming back home. “Madre, I was in Korea for work.”

“You could have worked here. There is plenty use for a songwriter in LA,” she snapped.

“I needed a change in scenery,” I tried to explain.

“You wanted a change in not seeing me, just admit it. You were tired of me. You wanted as much distance between us as you could make.” She was trying to make me feel guilty.

But it wasn’t going to work. I had stopped feeling guilty a long time ago, but that didn’t stop me from getting upset myself. “I was dealing with a breakup, I hit a wall with my music, my contract was up, and a main executive felt me up in one of the label’s offices as he not-so-subtly suggested I do him a sexual favor if I wanted a better contract. So, no, it had nothing to do with wanting distance from you. I was busy trying to take care of my mental health.”

My mother went quiet. I wasn’t sure if she was going to respond and I honestly didn’t care to know. I didn’t have time to do this with her.

“I’ll talk to you later. I have a room full of loved ones waiting for me. I don’t have time to play this little game. Call me when you’re ready to talk face-to-face and have an actual conversation. If you choose not to, then I’ll see you for Christmas. Goodbye.” I hung up and took a deep breath, trying to settle myself down. I could feel a knot forming in my throat and my eyes begin to burn a little, but I blinked them away. I couldn’t do this right now. I couldn’t handle my mother and my issues right now.

Taking another breath, I settled myself and walked out of the room.

Outside, waiting for me was Namjoon. “Everything ok?” His soft, deep cocoa eyes looked gently down at mine.

I saw him reach out to me. I wanted to lean on him; let out the frustrated tears while wrapped in his embrace. It was so fucking tempting. His arms looked welcoming. However, the part of me that refused assistance with an emotional problem teamed up with my pride and held me back. I swallowed down the knot. “Just a miscommunication with my parents. I thought they would be going to Mexico next week but apparently, they already left. They should be back by Christmas, which is most important.” I needed to lie. I didn’t feel good about it. But telling Namjoon the truth felt embarrassing. And also, I knew he would insist on dealing with my emotions. And I couldn’t deal with his sweet and considerate nature right now. It would make me fall apart.

The look on Namjoon’s face was hurt. Instantly, I forgot about my frustration and felt his disappointment.

I reached up and touched his face. “I’m sorry. I know you really wanted to meet them. I was kind of excited for you to see them too.”

His eyes stayed on me, the pain still there. “I heard you arguing with her.”

I was confident he hadn’t heard any words, but just muffled sounds. I didn’t want to lie to him, but if I was honest, he wouldn’t let it go. “I was upset over the miscommunication. I’ll handle it with her later. I just really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

He wanted to insist, but held back and gave a nod, not saying another word.

We made our way back to the party and I tried to find the energy to fake some happiness.

We gathered in the round, turntable in the dining room, which seated us nicely.

For the next half hour, we all dug in and munched on the numerous dishes. There was plenty of praise I was receiving from my ceviche that I made with tilapia.

Talk of how good the fish tasted reminded me of something Jin had brought up a while ago. I turned to my uncle John. “Tio, Jin is the one who is interested in going fishing during his stay.”

One of the things Jin had wanted to do in the States was fish. I had mentioned my uncle John managed a fishing company that could take him fishing. Tio John immediately agreed to take Jin out to sea. With both of them present, it was the perfect time to have them discuss it.

My tio turned to Jin. “I would be more than happy to take you with us. Currently, yellowtail is what we’ve been catching.”

Jin gave a bow of gratitude. “I would be very happy with that. Thank you very much.”

My tio turned to me. “Mayita, you want to send him my information?”

I nodded, took out my phone, and messaged Jin my uncle’s number before I could forget.

“Maheeda?” Jin asked as he looked at me with confusion.

“Mayeeta,” I corrected him. “It’s what my family calls me.”

“That’s her way of saying you’re not allowed to call her that,” Jimin said to Jin jokingly.

“Yeah, just her family,” Hobi added with a smile.

I nodded, playing along.

Jin shook his head with a mocked sad look on his face. “Really, Maya. Here I thought we were more than friends.”

“More than friends?” Seb said with a look of shock.

“Is there something you need to discuss with your brothers?” Vic asked me. “I thought it was only Namjoon we had to square up—I didn’t think we had to intimidate two guys.”

Jin looked confused by what Vic said. He turned to Namjoon and asked for an interpretation. Jin understood English quite well, but Vic used some slang and spoke too fast.

Namjoon let Jin know what was said while trying to hold back laughter.

At hearing what Vic had said, Jin shook his hand vigorously, his face burning red in embarrassment. “No, no, no!”

“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” Beto, Seb’s husband, interceded. “Maya, are you and RM actually in a polyamorous relationship with Jin?”

“I didn’t have much of a choice,” I said playfully. “Namjoon is too much in love with Jin.”

Namjoon shook his head, didn't say a word, and took a sip of his wine. He turned to me, cocking his eyebrow at me and giving me a look that sent shivers down my spine. It managed to travel all the way down to my pussy. I was wet in that instant as he stared at me from the corner of his eyes.

The table laughed, paying no attention to the heated look Namjoon was giving me. I was more than grateful; I did not want my family to see me aroused. Awkward. I took a sip of my own wine.

We had fun with this for the rest of the night, never missing an opportunity to make Jin feel embarrassed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of hours later, everyone except the guys left. The guys wanted to go down to the beach. Thankfully, not many were down there due to the holiday, so we were all enjoying most of the beach in private.

Currently, I was having a playful spat with Jin. He had just pouted about something.

“Why are you so whiny?” I asked, teasingly.

Jin continued to pout and looked insulted by my question. “Well, how should I react?”

“Like the 40-year-old that you are,” I said, not missing a beat.

Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook let out booming laughs.

This only made Jin let out an exasperated noise. “Ya, I just turned 30—in Korean years. How are you going to say I’m such an age?”

“Jagi, in less than two weeks, you’re going to be 31.”

“Can’t you let me enjoy it until then?!” He looked so red.

I couldn’t stop laughing at his reaction. I almost fell backward onto the beach. Thankfully, Namjoon’s arm caught me and kept me sitting up.

“I’m done sitting here with you.” Jin got up and went to join his youngest brothers along the water. Yoongi was off in the distance taking a lone walk and watching the waves in solitude.

It took a moment to realize Namjoon and I were sitting alone.

“So when did your parents leave?” asked Namjoon almost out of nowhere.

I frowned, confused by his question. “Leave?”

“To Mexico. When did they leave?” he asked, his face straight as he looked right at me.

It took a long second for me to fully understand his question and to respond. “Just yesterday. I think.”

“You think?” he asked, looking thrown a little off. “They told you they had left but didn’t tell you when?”

My heart rate picked up. “I didn’t get too many details. We mostly argued.” That last part was true.

Namjoon turned away, giving a slight nod. I quickly picked up on his clenched jaw and furrowed brows, but he looked the other direction before I could pick up his full mood. He looked like he wanted to say something. Was this still about my not telling my brothers?

I didn’t want to pick a fight just yet, especially with the rest of the guys present. I said nothing.

Thankfully, Jimin and Hoseok made their way back to us, sitting next to us on the sand. Jin and Jungkook were playing some sort of tag game as Taehyung took photos. I had no idea where Yoongi was.

“So, who’s going back to Korea right after the concerts?” I asked Jimin and Hoseok, wanting to cut through the tension. I could feel Namjoon’s cold energy radiating next to me.

“Jin-hyung, Jungkookie, and me,” Jimin responded. “I’ll be spending the holidays with my parents in Busan. But that won’t be until late December.”

“Who will be looking after your house?” I asked.

Jimin and his brother were roommates. Usually, when Jimin was gone for work, his brother or parents looked after his home. However, if they were all going to be in Busan, I wonder who was going to be looking after his home. He had several plants.”

“No one. I have a friend who’s going to check in from time to time and will look after the plants. It’ll only be for a few weeks,” Jimin explained.

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. The truth was my attention kept going back to the man next to me who seemed to be sulking. His back was now fully turned towards me. I felt something dig into my chest.

Doing my best, I pulled my sight away from him, wanting to give him his privacy.

There was a feeling someone was looking at me. I looked up and noticed Jimin’s and Hoseok’s concerned faces. They were staring at Namjoon and turning to me, worried.

I gave them a small shake, signaling them to not say a thing.

They gave a nod and turned away, respecting our privacy.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. Jimin’s warm eyes silently asked if I was ok. I gave him a smile and nodded, not wanting to worry him. He rubbed my arm softly, squeezing me kindly.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

[floatingcatacombs]

annual music post.

12 Days of Aniblogging 2022, Day 6

I am sick.

No, it’s not covid. My immune system and I have been doing a remarkably good job of dodging covid, all things considered. Nor is it any of the other 8 respiratory infections going around this winter. It’s something in my gut, and I’ve been dealing with it for quite some time now.

Back in October of last year, my acid reflux meds stopped working, leaving me with soreness and the lingering sensation of something in the back of my throat. My gastroenterologist wasn’t able to help and by January I was dealing with the new terrible symptoms of generalized abdominal pain and constant burping.

After months of delays due to the medical system collapsing from covid, I finally got some important tests done in May. They confirmed that the problems were real and esophageal in nature, but ultimately did not help one bit with trying to figure out how to treat them.

As this year has gone on, things have gotten slowly worse. The stomach pain has gradually intensified, as has the belching. More and more foods started giving me indigestion until finally it’s just every meal, no matter what. Some grosser symptoms which I don’t want to write out crept up on me. It’s no good, and while I’ve gotten my shit together and am much better at working with doctors, I’m no closer to being well.

If I hadn’t lucked out in being able to work from home, I would definitely be out of job and money by now. How am I supposed to be professional when I belch for hours after every meal? Or when I need to lie down for hours a day in pain? It’s as embarrassing as it is life-ruining.

_

When you’re in hell, and want to listen to music, there are two different routes you can go down:

Seek out the most downcast, most abrasive stuff you can handle and wallow in it.

Immerse yourself in fluffy, happy, relaxing, or otherwise escapist songs.

I’m really good at the former! If my previous music writeups and Spotify years-in-review are any indication, my taste leans strongly towards the negative emotions. But there’s only so much despair you can take, and sometimes you need a change of pace. So this year, I’ll be writing about the musical niche I carved out: Japanese musicians with English-language releases, most of which are a significant tonal shift from my usual.

Flipper’s Guitar

This is Keigo Oyamada’s band from before his work as Shibuya-kei legend Cornelius, and I feel like a lot of people gloss over them for that exact reason. But Flipper’s Guitar is a real delight throughout their quick 3-album run. Their first album is sung entirely in English, owing to its inspirations in 60’s American music and 80’s British jangle pop. It’s straightforward and cheerful stuff executed perfectly, and the second album is a solid rerun of these ideas but with more of it sung in Japanese. It’s their final album which is the most interesting, as it’s an eclectic mix with more of a psychedelic dance-pop sound that seems to have directly led to the development of Shibuya-kei. There’s even a shoegaze song for good measure! This album isn’t on streaming services, probably because of its extensive sampling, so the easiest way to listen to it was a Youtube upload by now-terminated channel Asian Shoegaze. The thing is, they fucked up and accidentally uploaded the tracks in alphabetical order. After listening through both this and the original track listing, I’m actually of the opinion that the alphabetical version flows better. Life is funny like that.

Poison Girl Friend

You know how the Spotify algorithm will occasionally propel an obscure musician into millions of streams? That’s how most people discovered Poison Girl Friend this year, similar to how Youtube turned Plastic Love into a decades-late international hit a few years back. But I, being a weirdo, knew about Poison Girl Friend years ago, from her being inspired by pervert pop artist Momus (her stage name is a reference to the second Momus album!). Her debut album, all self-produced, has a spacey trip-hop sound to it, right on the dial for 1992. The breathy vocals and relaxed tempos lead to an excellent atmosphere, with THOSE WERE THE DAYS getting stuck in my head the most.

In what should be a success story, Poison Girl Friend successfully caught the attention of Momus, who went on to produce her second album. The thing is, compared to her own work, his production here is dogshit! Never meet your heroes, I guess, especially when they’re Nick Currie.

Coaltar of the Deepers

not their best album, but easily the one with the best art

Oh man, these guys are legit. If my description of the final Flipper’s Guitar album made it come off as an eclectic genre mashup, then this band is downright overwhelming. We’ve got band members who are really into noise rock and abrasive metal. Others are clearly here for the shoegaze. And finally, there’s the one guy on synths who does electronica that sound like it’s destined for Ape Escape. Their early works jump between all of these from track to track at a breakneck pace, but they finally release a more coherently organized album with 2007’s Yukari Telepath. It starts off with some of the most aggressive metal you’ve ever heard, which gradually softens into shoegaze as the album goes on, with some spectacular dreamy electronica in the middle. When the breaks in Aquarian Age come on, or the jaw-dropping xylophone solos later on, you will understand.

Coaltar of the Deepers have a bunch of side projects with different lineups, and as expected they lean into the strengths of the members working on them. There’s the hardcore BP, glitchy electronica Watchman, and more atmospheric Sadesper Record. The CotD extended universe been one hell of a rabbit-hole to fall down, but they’ve kept me very busy.

Honorable Mention: Shonen Knife

Yellow Loveless is mostly a wash, but Shonen Knife’s cover of When You Sleep is better than the original.

_

I’ve spent most of this past year miserable. My physical health has decimated my mental health, and it’s bad enough that I couldn’t ignore the problems even if I wanted to. I’ve shied away from considering myself chronically ill so far, but when I write it all out and reflect on just how much all of this lowers my quality of life, it gets a bit more imaginable as a way to understand myself as I currently am.

One silver lining to all this trying meds and running tests and failing to be diagnosed is that we’ve eliminated a lot of the scariest possibilities. No cancer, no allergies, nothing that would show up on an abdominal CT scan, and my lungs are powerful and sexy and not the source of my intermittent breathing problems I forgot to mention earlier. I’m not going anywhere. But at the same time, it’s hard for me to even conceptualize a future where I continue to feel like this every day, for years or decades on end. I have to get better. In the words of Sufjan Stevens, I want to be well.

Hopefully next year’s music post comes with good news alongside the good tunes.

[purplesurveys]

1620

Spell your name without any R's, I's, G's, or E's: Obyn.

Is there anyone on your mind? Nobody, really. I don’t usually think of people – instead, I’m always just looking for the next thing I should be worrying about lol. 

Describe your bra: It’s a black tube bralette. Do you ever want kids? I did for a time. I wanted to be a mother. But my previous relationship turned out to be very traumatic that I was turned off from that whole lifestyle altogether; not interested in dating, not interested in having kids, I don’t even daydream about my wedding anymore. I’m excited to have nieces and nephews though! I feel like I’ll live out my love for kids through that route instead. What are you looking forward to this summer? I’m so sick of these season-related questions.

How are you doing in school? I had to give a fuck for me to be doing excellently; but I didn’t care for most of my classes so I was more of a boring above average student instead. Did just enough to pass every grade without issue, but I also had the occasional achievement like getting the highest exam score in the class. In college I was more proactive in doing better since I wanted to graduate with honors, which I was able to do.

What color do you like most today? Purple.

Rain or sunny? Rain!

Live close to a beach? Not at all. You’d have to drive north or south to the provinces to get to the beachy areas. Otherwise, in this area, it’s just one concrete jungle after another. What does your hair look like, normally? Dry and frizzy. It looks a lot healthier when the temperature is lower, but obviously we never get that here, so dry and frizzy it usually is.

What are your thoughts on marijuana? I don’t have much of a relationship with it other than having a bad experience last year. I know it has a medical debate around it too but I honestly don’t know much about that side to have a stance. When was the last time you spent the night with someone? That would be two Saturdays ago when I had friends sleep over.

What song are you listening to, if any? I Need U by BTS just started playing.

Pretend that you are five years older, what would you be doing right now? In another country drinking wine even though I hate it to feel fancy.

What subjects are you good in? History and any kind of social science, really. Ever kissed someone whose name started with an X? Nope.

Any complaints? My braces are so tight and uncomfortable and I just wanna get back to eating more solid food.

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Cocktails.

Do you miss anyone? Just BTS.

Who's on your top friends? Social media doesn’t do this anymore.

--

1. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately? I think Korean counts? I’m always constantly trying to pick up new phrases and sayings and vocabulary to add to my mental bank. I can read Hangul at an acceptable rate now and can even distinguish satoori at this point...but grammar is just impossible to master. I never know where the nouns and subjects and verbs go hahaha.

2. If you ever feel like you are different from your extended family, in which ways is this? In some ways. I am most definitely NOT religious, which is blatant on both sides. A portion of my mom’s side is actually pretty modern-thinking (not homophobic, fine with same-sex relationships, the whole shebang) which I appreciate; though my dad’s side is generally super conservative and has the shittiest political opinions so on both fronts we’re very different.

3. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not? No, I’m not interested or even knowledgeable about running-the-business type of things and don’t think I’d be capable of doing a good job at all. 4. Is there something that you are sort of weird about talking about? Like, a thing that other people find casual, but you feel uncomfortable when the subject comes up? That’s a good question. One thing would be the pandemic – all my friends are pretty well off so none of them were actually affected too much and all of their stories are just “I learned how to do this or that” “I spent all my time doing this or that”; but both my parents are in the hospitality industry and were hit pretty hard, as was our family altogether. With no money flowing into the home, every day was spent worrying if we’d be able to afford groceries, when they can be able to work again, hoping none of us get sick so that we didn’t have to spend on hospital bills, etc. It was the closest we ever got to poverty.

This is not to say that I’m ashamed of the fact that we had to sell one of our cars or that my dad had to be a delivery worker that entire time – I am especially proud of the latter – but it’s just a topic I hate venturing into only because I never want to remember the struggles we went through anymore. 5. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name? Oh I remember judging “Beyond the Scene” way too fucking much when I wasn’t into K-pop yet. 

6. Do you ever make negative comments about other body types? How does it make you feel when you see or hear negative comments about your body type, or a physical trait that you have (even when it’s not directed at you)? Uhm, not really but it’s also because I never get into conversations where I get to talk about different body types. As for comments...I don’t care. I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin, so hearing stuff about my body type doesn’t faze me too much. It most likely comes from insecure people, anyway. 

7. If you are in a situation where you feel like you are being attacked or not respected, how easy or difficult is it for you to stay and keep your head rather than leave in a huff? I either bite back or stay doing what I’m doing until I’m able to prove myself to those people.

9. When you think about how attractive you feel and your favorite features, are you comparing yourself to a societal ideal? Eh, not so much. Again, what matters to me is simply if I feel comfortable and confident about myself. If the answer to that is yes, that’s all I really need.

10. If you have a favorite song right now: What is it? How did you first hear it? Why do you like it so much? Closer by RM, Paul Blanco, and Mahalia. It actually used to be one of my ‘least’ favorite (or at least, least listened to) tracks off Indigo, which is funny due to how my relationship with it eventually panned out. I’m now obsessed with it and is one of my top favorites from the album.

I love the song because it’s very...honest. Real. Raw. I don’t think I’ll ever forget about the despair in Joon’s voice when he sings “Stay where you are.” 

11. Have you ever had someone that has been your friend for a while come to you and tell you they had romantic feelings for you? How did you respond, and did the friendship survive? This has happened, but I was on the other side of the coin; I was the one who did the reveal. The next day they told me the feelings were mutual, and we were together from there on out. No, the friendship didn’t survive when we broke up 6 years later.

12. Hypothetically speaking, if Hillary Clinton were running for President as a democrat against Chris Christie as a republican in 2016, who do you predict would win the election? Wow, US politics, can totally relate.

13. When you are getting to know someone new online (particularly someone male), how cautious are you of the possibility that they are serial killer/kidnapper? I don’t like making guy friends online as they might be a creep.

14. If you are talking to someone that you want to get to know, what are your go-to conversation topics? What subject makes you disappointed when another person isn’t interested in or knowledgable about it? Usually I just kind of poke different topics here and there until I can pinpoint an interest of theirs, regardless if I’m familiar with it or not, so that they can start to open up. I love to see people get all excited about the things they love :)

As for the second question, I don’t usually get disappointed! Different people are into different things, so if someone isn’t into K-pop or Breaking Bad or YouTubers or whatever, I don’t get affected and I just try searching for something else to talk about.

15. Say you have a lot of free time and want to join a club or class. You are browsing postings on local bulletin boards and online. What sort of group would you be interested in joining (e.g., book club, game group, crafts, golf lessons, etc.)? Anything related to K-pop or learning Korean history/culture/language.

16. Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after? No. I’m asexual as asexual gets so I’m very clear about not being a fan of intimate physical contact.

17. Have you recently learned anything about your personality? If not, have you ever consciously tried to change your personality? I have recently learned that I am not as trusting of people as I think I am, particularly work-wise. I haven’t realized that I have the tendency to do 10x more work than is required of me, oftentimes leaving my teammates dry with nothing to do; until Bea told me straight up to learn how to delegate because that’s the only way everyone else can learn how to do things.

18. Are you or any of your friends in a sorority or fraternity? Would you be interested in belonging to one? I cut off everyone I know if I find out they’re part of a frat; but one of my closest friends from college is part of one. I still correspond with him but we never raise the topic of frats; but if ever it does come up I also wouldn’t hesitate to call him out on it because gross.

19. Can you recall a recent time that you were surprised, but in a bad way? Last week when I was headed to Kim Seonho’s fan meet! I was SO excited to head to the arena and get my ticket processed and get to my seat and all, but I totally missed the memo to wear blue (I was wearing the brightest yellow jacket known to man). I was already at the elevator which would lead you to the arena when it was quickly evident that I was the only yellow-wearing motherfucker out of the sea of blue, so naturally I panicked and decided right then and there that I was gonna have to take a quick sprint to the mall to get the first blue shit I’d find lmao. 

20. Do you feel uncomfortable when you receive praise for doing certain things? If so, does this make you less likely to do those things? Not uncomfortable, but I just deflect the complements haha. But I find the next question weird – why would I stop doing something when it’s clearly the ‘right’ or ‘acceptable’ thing to do?

21. Do you make spontaneous purchases often or rarely? When you are upset does it make you temporarily happier to buy yourself something new? Nah, I’m not that spontaneous anymore and have been more conscious of what I’m spending on and how much I’m saving. The most reckless I get these days is just getting food delivery and manipulating myself to think “I deserve it” because “I’ve worked hard,” lol.

22. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early? 6 AM and 7 AM calltimes are beyond ridiculous. Fortunately I have not had a lot of those.

23. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? Deeper connection.

24. Do you ever catch any of those conspiracy shows on Animal Planet, like Bigfoot hunting or proof of Mermaids? Do those shows make your more or less likely to believe in the existence of such creatures? Nah.

25. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? Yeah I submitted this written material for a magazine when they were giving away an iPod shuffle to the best entry. I never heard back from them.

--

What do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? I’d pretty much bend over backwards to make them happy and comfortable. I also remember things, which as far as I know is something people appreciate.

When was the last time you went to the movie theaters? What movie did you see? I went in 2019 to see Knives Out which I personally had no interest in seeing but because my partner at the time wanted to, I went ahead and kept them company and tried to appreciate the movie too. I hate having to keep giving this as an answer (both because it’s been repetitive over the last three years and because of the person I watched it with), so I’m OVER THE MOON in sharing that I will be going back to the cinema this Wednesday to watch Yet to Come: Busan with friends! I have an outfit picked out, I’ve had my leave filed for the last three weeks, and I’m just so ready to go and relive the show again.

Did you ever go to a mental hospital? No. Just like the rehab question I answered in a recent survey, I don’t think we even have reputable mental health facilities here. Anything to do with issues like teenage pregnancy, drugs, mental health etc is a very underdeveloped sector here.

Do you watch the show, Ghost Whisperer? How about, NCIS? What two completely different shows haha. No, I’ve never seen either.

Do you like s’mores? Nah and I don’t like smores-flavored stuff either. Way too sweet and I dislike marshmallows anyway. Do you like to watch those old scary movies, from like 1980? I’ve seen a few, like Carrie, The Shining, and The Exorcist; loved them all.

Does your mom/dad smoke? They don’t.

How often do you take a shower? Every other night. But during hotter months, I do it daily. Do you wear flip flops in winter? We don’t have winter.

How old are you? I’m 24.

When was the last time you went to a concert? What band? Hmm...does a fanmeet count? They’re basically set up and promoted just like a concert, but since the main attractions are actors they do entertaining stuff like play games, answer quirky questions, and recreate scenes instead of sing. Anyway, I went to Seonho’s last Sunday and had so much fun. Do you ever have hallucinations? I do not.

Do you believe that weed should be legalized? I guess, for medicinal purposes. Idk enough about the marijuana discourse to have any stronger opinion though. Did you ever feel someone was following you/watching you? Not for real; I just get paranoid easily and assume people going the same route as I am and are matching my pace are following me.

Are you one of those over-obsessed Twilight fans? When I was in elementary school when it was big, for sure. I had multiple copies of the first book, attended midnight screenings, had posters up in my room, and even bought those behind-the-scenes photobooks. I’ve definitely been tamer after the movie series ended, but people still know me as the Twilight megafan and I’m not ashamed of it hahaha.

Got any scars? How about bruises? I have scars from falls I had as a kid, and one big one from Cooper. I don’t think I have any bruises at present.

Have you moved here from a different country? I’ve never moved to a different country.

Are you afraid of the dark? I’d only be scared if the situation was meant to be scary? like if I’ve found myself at an abandoned hospital or whatever, haha. But generally I am not, and when I sleep I really prefer it to be pitch black. Have you ever been stalked? Fortunately, no. Do you like when people tell you they love you? It feels nice but as I am not an openly affectionate person, I can feel kind of awkward saying it back. The only people I’m comfortable saying I love you to are my close friends.

Would you say your taste in music is in a very broad spectrum? I wouldn’t say it’s a spectrum; it’s more of straight-up extremes haha. I largely listen to K-pop/rap these days but sometimes I’d revisit my punk rock favorites. Don’t really listen to anything else in between.

Have you ever had a significant other with a mental disorder? Idk, probably. 

Do you like doing laundry? Not really.

Have any siblings? How many? I’ve got two.

Do you like beer? Dislike it but I would get a bottle if everyone else at the table’s drinking.

Do you sip your shots or down em all at once? Down just to get it over with.

Have you ever counted your scars? Back during my sh days yeah.

What website do you spend way too much time on? YouTube. I have videos playing all day, man. What is one thing that you absolutely despise about your personality? I put myself in too many inconvenient situations just so that others can have it easier. I have to learn how to be selfish lol.

What two colors do you think look best together? Beige and olive green.

Do you take any medications that make you nauseous? Nope.

Have you ever tried Nutella? Yep. I don’t like it as a spread, but I can enjoy Nutella-flavored stuff. Idk if it that makes sense? like I need Nutella to be mixed with other ingredients (Oreo bits, almonds, etc) for me to enjoy it, because otherwise I find it too sweet on its own.

Are you a person that enjoys re-reading books? No, but I like re-watching comfort shows, like Friends or Brooklyn Nine Nine.

[builder051]

I'll take #5 for the asks. Thanks!

5 times you did the right thing

1--This is kind of one thing but also two things at the same time: going to grad school and subsequently not staying long enough to finish a degree--That lets employers, etc. know that I have the academic skills to be accepted to an exclusive program, yet I entered the career (not just job, but career) market young and with a hugely competitive corporation. I can't work at that level anymore due to chronic illness, but having my undergrad degree, grad education experience, and career experience give a solid background in how the adult world works when it comes to having... how to put this...like, understanding the cycle of planning-structuring -materializing-error checking-using product, all whilst communicating with others. A lot of stuff (directing a film, performing an audit, launching a new product, etc), require the same steps/skillset.

2--This is really hard to put into a box in general, and the label of "good choice," or even "choice" at all, while it's probably the best way to define it, almost seems inapplicable. I believe I have relayed some of this before, but, in an absolute nutshell, (this was, like, 2018?) I found myself needing mental health services, and I needed intervention immediately. The clinic I was using for physical health had a mental health NP, but I couldn't see her soon enough, so I just went to a random clinic on my insurance's list of preferred providers. There had been kind of a miscommunication, and I wanted to call my regular GP to make sure she knew what was going on with the psych person I'd gone to, and I really wanted to leave an answering machine message, but OMG they had an answering SERVICE where a human being who had no idea who I was or what I was trying to do answered the phone. That was... not ok. Huge panic attack. I don't want to be triggery or really think about it too much, but it was... probably the worst. ever. But then @xxx-cat-xxx magically appeared on my phone, texting me in real time! I started texting back right away, and I was able to tell her that I was in a terrible state, and with her help and encouragement, I was able to get to bed safely and wake up in the morning. That was...maybe a month or so before I got close with DD? I'm very glad I stuck around to get to experience that.

3--Getting a hamster. Sif, bless her soul, was with me for 2 years and 8 months. I did register her and get her ESA card, but that was mostly because I needed her to fly in-cabin with me. We went to DD's on 31 January 2019 (when it was 0 degrees F, and actually warmer in Antarctica than in Chicago). I'm not sure if it's a me thing, but I do have reason to believe it's a more generalized sensitive, caring people thing, but knowing there's a tiny friend relying on me for food and treats and water and toys gives me at least one thing to live for. I had Livinia for a long time, and training her from wild, neglected-pet behavior to the sweetest social, come-when-called, and even lick -no-bite for tiny kisses... it made me feel so good to share time and love with her. My Mary Hamster, now, is a more independent girl, but she also goes through her clingy-cuddle times when she wants close body heat and nose nuzzles.

4-There was this one time in college (I was living with my parents and being a commuter student); I was sitting on a bench outside the classroom, waiting for the previous class to leave so our class could go in and get settled. My friend S came and sat next to me and showed me this random military ID card he'd found on the floor. My dad, retired officer turned flight school instructor, worked on the military base, so I offered to take it from S and give it to my dad, who could then turn it in to the sensitive material "lost and found" on base. S was like, yeah, sure. He didn't want to have troubles if someone thought he stole it or something. So I gave the ID to my dad when I got home, and, the next time I saw him after that, he said he'd turned it in. I now also have experience working on a military base (as a civilian contractor), and I've sat through some extensive trainings about PII and data sanitization and this, that, and the other. So, in the eyes of the stupid PII checklist, I may have apprehended a terrorist. What I probably did was make some college kid hanging onto their parents' insurance receive a really embarrassing phone call from security forces. But no buildings were blown up in the process.

5-Ok, so, let me just remind you that these 5 things are random and unranked. I might be leaving a lot of stuff out, but this is what I'm feeling right how.

Writing Battle of Troy. I completely played by NaNo rules--nothing pre-written, and every word of the first draft penned (typed) between 01 and 30 November 2018. I actually ran 02 Nov-29 Nov. The novel runs something like 74k words. I wrote a solid bit of Novemetober as well, bringing my total for the month to just over 90k. During that time, I was.... Not well. I had a status migraine (and neither I nor my medical team at that time knew what that was), was experiencing the effects of what's unfortunately a common set of circumstances felt in the older teens and young 20s of individuals with BiPolar disorder and Schizophrenia.

I pretty much never went home. I would just tote my laptop all over the place and go into one of the four or five coffeehouses I knew of, open my draft, and just keep going at it. I was having some stomach issues as well, so a diet of coffee, a winter hat pulled down to my eyebrows, and full investment in Troy's world... It made that stretch of 4 weeks not so bad.

Maybe I should've been hospitalized. Maybe I should've been under observation by...doctors? Police? Parents?

But, I chose book-writing, and nothing caught on fire.

[martieshub]

🚸👼🍆 ❌🏠🧹💻⭐ 🏫 🍽️😔✊🏿📺💦📜🗯️💭

🚸 How many children do they want, if any? Would they like a certain number of girls or boys? Does this differ from what they end up with?

Because he came from a semi big family and this is counting his in laws that he grew up/ around, he always wanted a big family. He doesn't care about ratios. He's the only boy in his line and has two sisters so really wouldn't mind all boys, all girls or a mixture. What's most important to him is that they're healthy. What he ends up with is actually a flipped version of his own siblings.

👼 What are their top 3 values as a parent? I.e what are most important things they want to get across to their child and have them retain?

To be kind but not gullible. There's a difference between seeing the good in people and things and being blind and naive. To know their value isn't dependent on another person ( whether friendship, relationship , etc) but also to be empathic and take responsibility for their actions.

🍆  When/how do they plan to give their child The Talk?

Ideally, he'd like to have that talk once they hit puberty as his mother had the talk with him at the same age but it'd be a joint decision.

❌ What is absolutely NOT okay for their child to do (e.g., hitting, biting, not eating, leaving the table, throwing food)?

Getting a page from his sister's and in laws, hitting is an absolute no go. He'd let most little things slide but hitting is a no. He does admire how his sister in law parents their children in the way where they have a rule where if emotions are too high, they go on time out and have a conversation to see what and where a specific emotion came from. So, he'd like that for his own. He knows that it's odd coming from him given his job and what he does but he'd not want violence to follow them home.

🏠 At what age do they believe it’s OK to leave kids home alone?

13. It was about when he and his sisters were left home alone. He believes that at that age the kids would get a little bit more practice in independence.

🧹 How do they handle chores? Do they assign a specifics to certain children? Is there a rotation, and org chart, or do they just tell them when it’s needed?

There's a rotation, as a whole he is very organized so most probable that there'd be a chart with whatever needs to get done and the kids can decide what they'd want to take on that week. Each week probably rotates.

💻 At what age do they give their child a phone, their own tablet/computer, etc? Do they limit screen time?

High school. His pet peeve is seeing two year olds with a tablet. Yes, as much fun as screen time is, he'd limit it just so there's still room to explore their surroundings and the outside world.

⭐ Would they have a favorite child (be honest!)?

No! Never! Lol. Not a favorite but truthfully the first one would be special. I think that's generally how it goes. First kid always is special because it's the first one and if there are any complications then it'd be looked at as a miracle. One can never forget their first.

🏫 How is schooling handled? Online, public, private, home-schooled? A mix? Why?

It depends. He went to public school and he turned out fine and did get a pretty solid education but I think it'd be a joint decision made with his wife and mother of his kids. Could even put it up to a vote including the kid(s). Home schooling they'd not miss out on socializing since they'd have a bunch of cousins to socialize with.

🍽️ How are family meals handled? Does everyone gather for dinner? Do any of the kids help?

The one thing he would want to bring over to his own little family is family dinners. No phones no electronics at the table. Just eating a meal together, maybe watching games on TV. That is his one really hard have to rule. Absolutely, kids do help on the kitchen. Theyd know mom would give them a taste.

😔 What are some of their worries/insecurities about being a parent? How do they deal with this?

Messing them up, working too much that he'd miss out on their lives. Their firsts, not being present enough. Becoming his own father, which he knows is a ridiculous insecurity but it's there. Dealing with it, he talks to his partner in crime, talking to Liz does help quiet his fears. She does the same thing he does for her. End of the day they'll be going through it together and will be okay.

✊🏿 How do they talk to their kids about issues like racism, sexism, prejudice, etc.?

By being honest with them. There's a mixture and melting pot of different ethnicities within the family so, I think issues like racism, sexism and prejudice would be handled with care and honesty. He wouldn't speak for anyone but his sister, his in laws would be part of the conversation with the kids.

📺 How closely, if at all, do they monitor the media their children consume? Is there an age restriction on when they can watch/view “mature” things?

Again, it does depend but he's a bit more laxed with this. It'd probably be at the same age they'd be allowed to stay home alone. So, 13 maybe 14. Kids younger than their teens he'd not have them on social media. No reason for them to be online.

💦 How do they handle their child going through puberty?

He's one of the lucky ones that watched his sisters go through puberty then saw himself go through it. So, I think he'd handle it pretty well. He isn't grossed out by lady things and knows about cycles and all that so not too worried about his own hitting puberty. Whatever questions they have he'd answer honesty and things he wouldn't know then -> Liz.

📜 Do they have expectations for their child’s education? Do they push their attending college?

Just as long as they're happy. If they want to go to college or not that'd be their choice. He wouldn't force them into it. He knows college isn't for everyone and some people are successful without the college degree. It doesn't mean anything on how smart you are. If they enjoy school, great but if not, there's no pressure.

🗯️ How do they handle unruly behavior, arguments, etc?

Time outs and actually just talking them through it. Again, he has handled tantrums from his nieces and nephews so he knows that he'd be the same with his own. He doesn't believe in spanking or hitting to get a point across. So unruly behavior would be met with a conversation instead. Time outs would also be explained not just given a directive to do it just because he said so.

💭Do they have any dreams or ideals for their children? Do they end up pushing these onto them, or at least encouraging them to pursue these dreams?

As cheesy as it sounds, just to have them happy, healthy and safe. Whatever they wanna do or be, he'd be supportive and give them those wings to take flight. He just hopes that'd be enough. No pushing anything on them.