#i didn’t eat lunch because i was too nervous and that… was a bad idea

[fingertipsmp3]

Survived my first day of my new job :)

[rimunagenius]

Would you be down to do a Kate fic where reader is a new transfer and Kate keeps seeing her all over campus and is quickly crushing on her (like she’s down BAD) Then one day when she’s going to meet Caitlin for lunch/coffee/something lol she sees her walking with r laughing then saying goodbye. Kate immediately starts interrogating CC the second she’s within earshot because she wants to find out everything she can about her mystery girl. CC laughs and says she transferred to play soccer and they’re in x class together. Then she’s like as fun as this is I’m starving so can we go eat now. From there she literally sees her everywhere because her and CC start to hang out outside of class, once she finds out r also played basketball in high school and college (focusing on soccer when she transferred) she invites her to pickup games or practice when she knows they’ll be using the managers to scrimmage and this is where Kate finally meets her and is officially smitten. R thinks she’s absolutely adorable and hopes this is the girl Cait said she wanted to introduce her to.

Everywhere

ʚ paring: Kate Martin x reader

ʚ word count: 2.2k words

ʚ warnings: RPF!! , other than that, none that i can think of other than the use of y/n.

ʚ rimunagenius speaks: okay so anon, i love this idea!!…i loved it and im so sorry it took so long to write it and i may possibly consider writing a part two! I love the idea of Kate being so smitten for reader. she’s a sucker for a pretty lady! also i hope it’s okay that i kinda made the reader a ghost to kate..like kate needed to be actively LOOKING so it’d be better for when she actually saw her and i feel like this could’ve have been better so im sorry if it didn’t meet your expectations 😭

Everywhere. You were literally everywhere. She was definitely not complaining about it though. You were actually so beautiful. You were everywhere but near her. You took over her whole mind since this morning.

She saw you on what she assumed to be your first day. You looked like a lost puppy walking around looking for your class. "Hey, you doing okay?" Kate approached you, sliding one of the sides of her headphones behind her ear. God, you looked even prettier up close.

"Uh, yeah? I don't know where the science building is. I've been looking for about twenty minutes and no luck." You sighed, checking your phone, your friend Caitlin texting you while you pulled your schedule up.

"I can help. If you want?" Kate gave you a warm smile, looking down at your phone. She recognized the professor, having had him her sophomore year. It was a general education requirement for her major. "Oh, I've had him before. I can walk you and show you."

"That'd be great, thanks." The walk was quiet, kind of awkward. Kate was nervous to make small talk. She never thought this far ahead. Hell, she didn't even know she was walking up to you until you responded to her.

Kate thought about it the whole way to her next class. She thought about it the whole way back to her home. She thought about you. The way you smiled at her when she offered her help. She didn't know what was happening.

She's seen many pretty girls before and felt attracted to them but not like this. She's barely known you—talked to you for a total of three minutes...It wasn't possible. It wasn't going to be a thing. She'd probably never see you again. This campus was too big.

Kate had thought about you, and she wouldn’t lie and say that she didn’t try looking for you either. She’d take her time walking to classes throughout that day and to Carver Arena. She’d stop to get coffee and snacks she wasn’t going to finish. She just wanted to see you. You were the most prettiest girl she has ever seen. She tried to find you all the rest of the day. With no luck, and her taking her sweet time to get to practice, she didn’t see you.

When she left for a later class, right after practice, after practice had ended at six pm, she had finally seen you and Caitlin walking together. It was the most shocking yet, anxiety inducing thing she’s seen since she left you earlier that morning.

She was a ways behind you both, recognizing Caitlin first, still in her practice uniform. You were both heading the same way she was, so she just decided to stay behind instead of going to talk to Cait. She wasn’t going to go anywhere near you both, scared of being that close again and having to introduce herself. She’d be an absolute mess. It barely worked this morning, and she was not taking her chances.

It wasn’t until she saw you walking away, meeting up with this other girl, and saying goodbye to Caitlin, that she decided to catch Caitlin before she left. “Caitlin!” Her walk speeding up, looking in your direction making sure you didn’t hear her.

Caitlin looked behind her to see her frantic teammate running up to her. “Yes, Kate?” She smiled nervously, watching the blonde dart her eyes between you and her.

“Who is that?” Kate looked to you, blushing. Pointing subtly towards you to make sure Caitlin knew exactly who she was talking about. That’s when Caitlin smiled. “That’s my friend! She just transferred here. She’s playing soccer now.”

“What do you mean ‘she plays soccer now’? What did she play before?” Kate wanted to know everything about you. She already knew you were the prettiest girl she’s ever seen. But she wanted to know more.

“She played basketball too. Got a full ride to UC Berkeley with it.” Caitlin nodded her head, continuing on the path she was headed to. “We were on our way to our class, but her soccer teammate needed her for a minute so I said i’d meet her there.”

“Oh, okay. How do you know her? Has she always been that pretty? How many classes do you guys have together? Maybe I can “walk” you to it?” Kate started to ramble any question that came to mind about you. All of which were about anything and everything besides your name.

“Oh, my god. Kate. Slow down. Why so many questions?” Caitlin laughed, already having a small idea as to what was happening. “Just ask her tomorrow.”

Kate’s throat went dry. What did she mean? “I’m sorry, what?” Kate choked out. Caitlin gave Kate a blank stare.

“I invited her to our pickup game tomorrow. Just talk to her then.” Kate was already so excited but dreading tomorrow.

She really really wanted to see you, but she started to think about how you’d see her play and she’d have to possibly guard you. This was a lot. Kate definitely did not let this go. She was starting to get too nervous. She was getting self conscious. She wanted to impress you.

Kate got up the next morning to a text from Caitlin asking to get there earlier than planned for a shoot around before the pickup game. The reason why was very vague but she decided to go early. Caitlin had asked her multiple other times to meet up and practice shots. That’s where Kate had developed better confidence in her far-range shots. Her three game improving significantly.

But the more Kate thought about it, she didn’t even get your name yesterday. Not even from Caitlin.

Her nerves were through the roof as she walked out the house and set on her way to Carver.

Her face grew hot and red, suddenly her relaxed and otherwise friendly demeanor turned shy and antsy as she got closer and closer to you both, standing on the court while she set her stuff down. That’s why she wanted her early…forgetting to mention the why.

“Hey, Cait.” Kate walked up to Caitlin, her eyes darting between you and her. She was so nervous. You were just so pretty and so close she just couldn’t take it.

“Hey! This is my friend, y/n.” Caitlin looked to Kate, and then to you. You shook Kate’s hand. Immediately recognizing the pretty girl who had helped you find your class yesterday.

You smiled. Yesterday after she walked you all the way to your class, before you had walked in you thanked her and watched her go on her way. She looked nervous but so did you. You walked up to the door but stopped to look behind you. What made it more awkward is you both caught eachothers eye at the same time.

Cait💕

“You find your class okay?”

“yeah! some really nice girl helped me find my class.”

“Oh, awesome! The people here are way nicer than the people from California huh?”

Caitlin and you had grown up together. Two girls who loved the game of basketball. You got a full ride to UC Berkeley. Iowa skipping over you for an offer but getting Caitlin. You honestly wouldn’t have had it any other way.

You got to experience life outside of Iowa. It was a fun experience. You loved California but still keeping in touch with back home. You would’ve stayed if your injury your sophomore season didn’t pull you out of the sport completely.

Tearing your meniscus, ACL, PCL, and MCL. You tore them over a span of a couple years. Your ACL and PCL being the first to go in your junior season of highschool. The MCL your freshman year of college. You had been halfway into your sophomore season at Berkeley when you tore your meniscus.

You were told you were able to recover and go back, but your coach didn’t like that you were getting injured and submitted an appeal to have your full ride taken. That’s when the dean advised you to find a different career outside of basketball. So, you entered the transfer portal, losing your full ride, and ended back up in Iowa for senior year. You had played soccer growing up as well with your brother. You kept up with it outside of basketball only small scrimmages, nothing too serious so you weren’t injured for basketball. But Iowa had a great soccer team and you missed home, so you decided to come back and come back to soccer.

“They’re way nicer for sure…and wayyy cuter😉”

“Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy”

“you laughed at, ‘Ohhhhhh myyyyyyyyyy’ ”

You were excited to meet the friends Caitlin made here in Iowa City after you left. Wanted to meet the women she talked so highly of. So when she texted you last night asking if you wanted to shoot around before doing a pick up game, you immediately said yes. Something about wanted to introduce you to a friend, hence having to get there early.

“Oh, you walked me to my class yesterday!” You stuck your hand out and waited for Kate to shake it.

Kate had been staring at you. She didn’t mean it in a rude or freaky way. She just was in shock. There was no way you knew Caitlin. “Uh, yeah! I’m Kate. I don’t think we formally introduced ourselves yesterday.” Kate giggled.

Caitlin raised her eyebrows. There was no way Kate was the cute girl you mentioned to her yesterday. No way. And there’s no way you had Kate Martin giggling at a handshake. This elicited a random giggle and ‘no way’. You and Kate turned your heads and looked at her confused. It finally clicked to Caitlin.

“Oh! Nothing nothing. Just that—Oh! Look! My ball!” She walked away to the ball she left at half court, leaving you two to stand in awkward silence before opting to get started. You guys were going for about an hour before Caitling and Kate walked up to the small team Caitlin put together. You watched them two walk away, shaking your head before walking over to your team.

That’s when Kate turned to look back at you. Watching you immediately make friends with the girls in your team. Which happened to be her friends too. Kate turned back to the team, a huddle being held…Kate’s face grew even more rosy when she saw her best friend caught on to what was happening. Caitlin had been giving her the biggest smirk when they made eye contact. Was it really that obvious that she had a crush on you? Could she even call it that? She just met you formally seconds ago.

The shoot around is where you and Kate really got to know each other. Exchanging stories and experiences, her asking all kinds of questions of what it was like in California.

How you knew Caitlin, which she was shocked to find out that you grew up here. That you and Caitlin were neighbors. She learned more than what Caitlin had been willing to tell her. Something about “you’ll know soon enough,” or “i’ll let her decide.”

It didn’t help that she had to guard you during the whole game, even though her being absolutely smitten from the moment Caitlin told her your name wasn’t already awkward enough.

The small praises you gave her while playing went immediately to Kate’s head. A pretty girl like you complimenting her. She returned them back, feeling less scared of her antics when she saw how you reacted to them too. It was the most nervous and overall mindfucking pick up game she’s ever played in her life. And she grew up with playing with bigger and stronger boys. Hell, she’s made it to national championship games and this by far took the cake for the most absurd and anxious game.

But you, made her immediately nervous. And she knew you knew. The small smiles and giggles you gave her whenever you saw her reaction to your compliments and praises, your touches to her body when you would pivot around her while dribbling, your hands brushing her hips when trying to blow past her and cut to the basket.

Needless to say, you both knew the effect you had on eachother. Which is why it was the longest yet shortest game ever. Because when it ended, and you had work to do and practice to attend, so you started to say your goodbyes to everyone.

You said goodbye to the new girls you made friends with, getting their numbers and then pulling your oldest friend aside. “Please tell me that’s her.” Your face burning up from the exertion and the thought of the tall blonde you could feel was looking at you from behind Caitlin.

“Possibly.” Cait raised her brows, mischevious smile on her face.

“She’s possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen, Cait. Please tell me that’s her.” You glanced behind Caitlin again, catching those oh, so pretty blue eyes. You both looking away immediately, you both blushing.

“I’ll talk to you after your practice.” She hugged you and you started on your way to your practice. Looking back to catch one last longing look to Kate. It was definitely her.

She was already standing and talking to Caitlin, big smile on her face, hair now down. God, she looked good.

“Please invite her to more of these.” Kate pleaded with Caitlin. That immediately earned a loud chuckle from the brunette. This was so entertaining. Her best friends having the hots for eachother was the most interesting thing to happen to her.

“I will.” Caitlin patted her hand on her best friends chest, starting to walk away. “I fucking knew it.” She said while she was a good distance from Kate.

“What?” Kate asked, already wishing another pick up game would happen or that she’d run into you soon.

“Oh, nothing.” Caitlin walked away, knowing she had to do something to keep you guys interacting. This game of trying to get you both together was more fun than, dare she say, the final four tournament??

[aloesarchives]

Popular Boy (JJK One-Shot)

TW/Warnings: Fem Reader and She/Her pronouns, Angst with Fluff ending, Profanity, Smoking from Shoko and Suguru, Highkey Miscommunication Trope, Cheesy cliches, this one-shot being way too long than it's supposed to be, a little OOC Satoru and Suguru

Series: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Fem! Reader

AU: Modern/High School AU!

Pronouns: She/Her(any gal could read this, but Reader is slightly coded to be introverted, good at drawing and crafts, and a nerd)

Word Count: 10.2k words

Summary: You weren't supposed to fall in love with your best friend Satoru Gojo. But you did anyway. It doesn't help that he is the most popular guy in your school.

(A/N): This is my longest one-shot to date. I went off the rails and wrote this out of this idea and brain dump I had. Un top of being sick, I didn't post for like 2 weeks because I was working on this and having little motivation. But I'm back!

[!!!Unedited and not proofread!!! 1/24/2024 4:27pm CST]

Having a crush on your best friend is the absolute worst. You promised yourself you wouldn’t. But after reviewing your symptoms, you concluded that you are, indeed, in love with your best friend, Satoru Gojo. It's too bad he’s the most popular guy in the school. Suguru is second to him but doesn’t bask in the attention like his friend does.

It all started when you became friends with them in your first year of high school. Shoko was in your class, and you two became best friends instantly. You’d usually eat alone somewhere during break or lunch because the cafeteria was always rowdy, making it overstimulating. One day, your usual spot was taken over. Though it bummed you out your little spot was discovered, it wasn’t yours in the first place, so you went on a search for a new one. After a few minutes of searching, you spotted Shoko smoking in a hidden spot behind the school. She hears you from how your feet crunch on the dirt and asks you to join her. Though you didn’t smoke, you stayed with her. After talking briefly, Shoko asked if you were free after school, taking a long drag out of her cigarette.

You never stayed too long after school, only for your respective clubs, but that’s it. You also had no friends, so maybe this is your chance to get closer to Shoko. Upon agreeing, she smiles before taking her last drag out and extinguishing her smoke in a nearby ashtray. As the two of you returned to class, she told you that her other two friends were coming. Hinting that they were quite the handful. Your expression lightens upon hearing the two new people joining your hangout with Shoko. Perhaps this could be what you needed to step outside of your comfort zone to have a social experience like everyone else your age.

 After getting off the train with Shoko, she pulled you along the busy crowd and met the two boys at the subway station entrance. You didn’t, however, expect Shoko’s mystery friends to be Satoru Gojo and Suguru Geto—the most well-known boys in the entire school and possibly the whole district. Shoko was making your introduction to them as you grew shy under their gaze. Nervous was an understatement; anxiety was brewing in you like rain clouds forming a storm. What if they scoff at you? Mock you? Purposely pick on you for fun? Each thought raced against each other across your mind that you didn’t notice Satoru placing his hand on your shoulder. It snapped you back to reality as you looked up to avoid being rude.

 You’ve heard the rumors and the hushed whispers from every corner of the school about how Satoru Gojo was among the most good-looking guys. How he had blue eyes that matched the sky and hair like snow. You only caught glimpses of him throughout the campus but never saw him up close. But now that you are, you can confirm it for yourself. To you, he looked more ethereal, if anything. His blue eyes were like the endless cerulean sky above, his white hair lightly tousled in the wind; he was beautiful to you.

“Hey, you don’t have to stiffen up around me. I don’t want you to go all shy on me (Y/N). Satoru Gojo, at your service~.”

Extend his hand to shake yours; you return the gesture, albeit clumsily. Satoru chuckles before he unexpectedly brings your hand to his lips. He kissed your fingers ever so gently, feather-like almost. Your body most certainly would have erupted in a blaze by his actions. But it didn’t; you were more caught off-guard. You wondered if he did this to every girl he came across. He just smiled afterward but gets bonked on the head by Suguru, who went to introduce himself to you.

“Satoru, you’re going to scare her off. Sorry (Y/N), he’s always like that. I’m Suguru Geto, and I hope you’re not uncomfortable because of him.”

You quickly dismissed it, trying to ease Suguru’s concerns. After hanging out with them, you knew you found people you would call friends. You never had that much fun until you hung out with them. Going to arcades, eating out together, and wandering the city of Tokyo filled you with non-replicable happiness. After that hangout, the rest was history. Since then, you have always hung out with Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko. You all stuck together like glue every time possible. You never guessed their popularity rubbed off as well. You became known on campus as a well-known upperclassman and now a senior. 

But you noticed you spent more time with Satoru than with Shoko or Suguru. You could credit it to his goofy, childish personality that matched your vibe even more. He loved discussing Digimon and was happy you shared the same interest. You two would indulge in each other’s interests and hobbies. It became more evident that both of you had grown closer from when Shoko adopted you into their group. Yet, you told yourself time and time again not to fall for Satoru. In fear of losing what you have with each other because you caught “feelings.” In addition, Satoru had many, many, MANY admirers—girls across the school, district, and the Tokyo Metropolitan area. Many come from prominent backgrounds, blessed with being gifted, or simply beautiful in every way. While you didn’t mean to self-sabotage yourself, you were beautiful and brilliant in your own right; you were being realistic. How could someone like Satoru Gojo, from a wealthy and prominent family for centuries, go for someone like you? It was wishful thinking at that point, but it was stretching itself thin even then.

Anyhow, this brings you to the present. It’s December 1st, six days before Satoru’s birthday. You were in your dorm, conjuring up what to get him. It was more complicated than because the man was loaded. He had the money to buy anything and everything he wanted. So what can you get for him that wasn’t already bought? After some time, you had the genius idea to make something for him. You decided on making a bracelet and a framed sketch of him from one of your sketchbooks you occasionally draw in.

While working on your gifts, you were on the receiving end of teasing from Suguru and Shoko, specifically from Suguru. I mean, he was the first one to catch on to your feelings for his friend. Shoko had her suspicions but never mentioned them in case she was delusional. But once Suguru brought it up, she instantly joined in the teasing. It was harmless fun, yet you couldn’t help but rethink your crush on Satoru. Your feelings for him shouldn’t exist, yet you can’t help it. You felt alive, but most of all, you felt comfortable and safe with Satoru. You never hid your lovely personality or felt ashamed of your interests. Satoru was always supportive and was a part of your shenanigans too. As cheesy as it was to admit, it felt like you’ve found your soulmate, your other half. You always relished your moments with Satoru, no matter how short or dumb they were. Sure, you loved your moments with the gang, but it hits differently when it’s only Satoru and you. It was as if your life changed when he came into it. 

During the day before Satoru’s birthday, Shoko and Suguru hunched over your desk as you finished the page you were doodling. The smears from the graphite and erased pencil markings showed the fine details to capture Satoru’s features. 

“Wow, those look exactly like him. If he were animated, he'd be drawn like this. May I, (Y/N)?” Suguru asked.

You nodded, and Suguru picked up the sketchbook to inspect the page further. Shoko peered over his shoulder to also get a look.

“I think Gojo would love this. Don’t you think so, Suguru?”

“I would think so too, Shoko. It’s a well-thought-out gift (Y/N). Satoru would love it.”

“Wait, (Y/N)! Show Suguru what else you made him!”

Suguru raises a brow at the brunette as you pull up a photo on your phone to show to Suguru. Suguru squinted his eyes a bit to see the picture a bit more clearly.

“You made that bracelet for Satoru? It’s pretty nice. Where’s our (Y/N)?”

“I have them back in my room, Suguru! I just. . . You know. . .”

“So you’re implying we’re not as special as your beloved Blue Eyes White Dragon?”

“SHOKO, you’re not helping!!! OfcourseImadeitmorespecialforhimbecausehereallylikesdigimonandhisbirthdayiscomingup–”

“(Y/N)! I was just joking! Geez, calm down before you pop a blood vessel.”

As you catch yourself from any further rambling, you are about to explain the bracelet to Suguru before Satoru slides the classroom door open. You think it’s him but can’t tell through the mountain of gifts and bags in his arms. But seeing a wisp of his white hair gave you all the more reason that it was Satoru. Satoru plops the pile on his desk as his arms cave in, some gifts falling off the edge and onto the floor. One fell near your desk, so you picked it up and placed it back on his desk.

“Is it Valentine’s Day? What’s with the gifts, Satoru?”

“*sighs* These are from numerous girls all over the school from varying grades. My birthday is tomorrow, so I guess I'll get the early gifts. Though, I don’t know how to return all this to my dorm. You guys wanna help me open them up back in my room?”

You all replied yes and helped Satoru with his pile of gifts. As you put on your sketchbook, you felt a breath tickle your ear.

“Hey, whatcha drawing, (Y/N)? Drawing (favorite Digimon/Pokemon) again? Let me see!”

You caught a whiff of his surprisingly minty, fresh breath. Usually, it comes in hot with the number of sweets he’s been eating, so this was a pleasant surprise to you.

“I’ll show you later when we open your gifts in your room, ‘Toru. You gotta be patient.”

You chided while swatting his all too-close face away from you. Little did you know, a sickly sweet smile flashed on his face upon hearing his nickname. Once the last bell rang, you four headed straight for Satoru’s dorm to open all the gifts he received from the day. Once dumping them into a pile, you each read the note attached to the gifts and opened them up. Some were cool, homemade gifts, others were basic and generic. Most were sweets or baked goods since he is widely known to have a sweet tooth. You all were open and chatty when Suguru grabbed a neatly wrapped velvet box.

“Hey, Satoru, isn’t this from your ex?”

“Which one?”

“Don’t know, let me see the tag. . . From Satomi. . .”

“Oh, her! Let me see, Suguru!”

You cringed hard hearing Satoru talk about his numerous “girlfriends.” As much as you didn’t want to say it, Satoru’s playboy attitude was your least favorite thing about him. All the girls he saw shared one common trait: they never stayed too long with him. Satoru would cycle through many girls every few weeks to maybe a month. He never bothered to introduce them into the friend group, let alone bring them to your shared hangouts. Now that you think about it, he never talks about them when you or the others are present. He never calls them his girlfriends or partners, just sugar-coated words and nicknames meant to sweeten a non-existent fruit that never grew in the first place. You wondered if he would treat you the same if you dated him. But you were thinking too deeply, FOCUS GIRL!!! It’s now or never. Well, not really, but you have the perfect chance to give Satoru his birthday gift! You can make it work for just the two of you! Find him by himself, steal him away to deliver your gift, and possibly confess. 

Satoru's birthday gifts from his fans dwindled to only small boxes and clear bags. Shoko and Suguru categorized his gifts as apparel, food, trinkets, etc., while Satoru plopped beside you. You were munching away at some candy, deciding to take a break from opening the cookie cutter-esk presents as your vision became spotty. It was silent for a moment, only the sounds of your other two friends' voices bickering about which pile a gift should go. Satoru shifts his attention towards you, mindlessly popping the candy into your mouth before dramatically yawning, spreading his limbs across his bed. His legs would stretch over your lap. You popped the last candy before throwing the empty bag at him.

“What’s wrong, Satoru? You've grown tired of your gifts or what?”

“That and feeling sore from sitting on the floor. . . Hey! Will you show me your drawing from earlier (Y/N)?”

“Uh. . . I dunno, Satoru–”

“Pleaseeeeeeee?! I promise I won’t crease the pages like last time! Come on (Y/N)!”

Satoru juts out his lip and gives his puppy eyes with praying hands. You glance at Suguru and Shoko, who snickered at your little predicament. You sighed deeply and pulled out your sketchbook for him to see. He was giving you his full attention, asking questions, and complimenting the fine details of your latest creation. You two were smiling and giggling along as you turned the pages. However, you were getting nervous because you didn’t want Satoru to see his page. You hoped he got bored or distracted so you didn’t have to flip through more from your book. Suguru has a sixth sense because he called Satoru’s attention before you flipped to the next page, which would’ve been his. 

“Okay, man, we sorted your gifts into these four separate piles, which one should be obvious. . . Look at the time; it’s almost curfew for the girls. I’ll walk them to their dorms, Satoru.”

Before Satoru could protest and tag along, Suguru snatched you and Shoko away and out of the dorm. Satoru stood up perplexed, before shrugging it off and storing his gifts away. Suguru dragged you two to the skywalk and looked dead into your eyes, startling you from his sudden closeness.

“You have to do it tomorrow, (Y/N).”

“Uh, do what, Suguru?”

Shoko and Suguru gave each other a face before looking back at you.

“You gotta confess to Satoru, (Y/N). Do it tomorrow when you give him your gift on his birthday. And before you ask, we knew about your feelings for him way before. It’s painfully obvious, (Y/N).”

Shoko just nods her head in agreement. You knew Suguru had a point; it’s now or never. But you didn’t want to make things awkward for Satoru, let alone pressure him to say yes because he feels terrible for rejecting. Overthinking started kicking into high gear, and you started thinking about every possible scenario Satoru could react to. None of them were of him reciprocating your feelings. Unfortunately, Suguru had to say the dread words no one wants to hear when trying to confess to their crush.

“The worst thing he could say is no, (Y/N).”

Shoko elbows him while you wince at his words. You knew he meant to comfort you, but it didn’t help ease your nerves. Suguru, observant as ever, picked up on it, and from Shoko’s reaction, he knew his words were a miss.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’ll come with you for support, so it won’t be as stressful going alone.”

Suguru gives you a comforting smile, and you give on in return. Shoko said she couldn’t come because she volunteered to tutor some underclassmen for some Visa gift cards. So she says good luck to you before walking across the skyway and into the building of the girls' dormitory. You gained some confidence and bid Suguru goodnight to finalize your gifts. You framed Satoru’s page in a sleek dark blue frame and knotted Satoru’s bracelet. The marble beads of the bracelet were white, cerulean blue, and black. Complementing each with a small interchange charm in the middle where an Agumon charm dangled freely. You wrapped up both gifts and placed them in a mildly used paper bag you had from when you went shopping.

As the next day rolled in, you were surprisingly giddy to give your gift. You just had to catch Satoru alone and give yourself a good ten minutes to slip in your confession. The problem was you hadn’t seen Satoru at all. Sure, today was a half-day, but Satoru was barely in class. When he was, though, he was flooded by many girls telling him happy birthday or giving more gifts. Since it was a Friday, Satoru didn’t do much after school and would wander Tokyo for the remainder of the day. You knew you were losing time, so doing it right after school was best.

Once the last bell rang, you packed your bag and held your present tightly to find Satoru. However, he was gone from his seat when you looked at his desk. While you tried to find him, Suguru texted you. He said he saw Satoru go behind the school. He also said he would wait for you at the front gate to hear about your results. As you go to the back, you are smiling so hard that it would make your teeth rot. But as you got closer, your sweet smile instantly dropped when you heard a girl’s voice and another voice you made out to be Satoru’s. Your heartbeat repeatedly drummed in your ears as you hid yourself to not be noticed. Trying to even out your breath, you slowly peek your head in a slow, agonizing manner to get a better look. Unfortunately, your curiosity kills your heart as it confirms your worst fear.

Satoru stood smiling, and another girl giggled like a classic school girl in a high-school rom-com movie. You recognized her as she was in the same grade but from a different class. You’ve seen her around but never been a part of Satoru’s unofficial fan club. Yet you could never have guessed she liked him too. You knew you should look away, already seeing what was needed. But the naive sliver of hope forced you to continue watching, hoping it was a delusion your mind conjured up. Although you couldn’t hear what they were saying, you knew the other girl beat you to him as she held Satoru’s hand and smiled up at him. Satoru places a hand on her cheek and probably says something you can make out ‘I love you' before dipping his head to meet hers. A chill washes over your body as your grip on Satoru’s present stiffens, further crimping the paper bag. Shakily, you pulled out your phone and took a picture before turning on your heels and going anywhere but here.

Suguru was ever so patiently waiting on the outcome. He was blissfully smiling. Hoping all is going well and in your favor. He was distracted by his phone when he recognized the sound of your footsteps. He pockets it as he sees your figure walk towards the gates. He cheerfully called out for you but was met with silence. When you walked past him, your head hung low; Suguru knew something was wrong. Concerned, he quickly went after you while calling for you. When nothing works, he steps in front of you to hold your shoulders still to prevent any more movement. Shaking your shoulders, he firmly asks what’s wrong.

A wretched look contorted on his face when he saw your face. Your eyes are shiny from glossy tears on the verge of overflowing from the edges. Lips in a tight quiver, trying to not let a sob escape from within the depths of your hurt soul. You were trying your best to stay together, but Suguru saw you were hanging on by a thread. He gives you a comforting, tight hug as you begin to cry into him. Letting it all out and providing comforting pats on your back. As you start to calm down, Suguru gently takes you to a nearby cafe where some of your group hangouts and study sessions happen. Considering your current state, he keeps you from paying for your drink. Once he got them and sat down, you told him what you saw that caused this. Suguru chokes on his drink in disbelief upon hearing about Satoru’s doings.

“He what?! Are you sure, (Y/N)?”

You nodded as you pulled up the picture on your phone to show Suguru. His eyes widen even further as he stares at the picture. Returning back your phone, he takes a big sip of his drink.

“So, what are you going with your gift then, (Y/N)? Are you still going to give it to Satoru?”

“I... I. . . Don’t know, Suguru. . . I did make it for him, but I don’t think he’ll care.”

“What makes you think he wouldn’t, (Y/N)?”

“You know what I mean, Suguru. Satoru doesn’t really hold onto any gifts he gets. Unless it’s sweets or something he thinks is cool, he’ll donate, give, or throw it away. My present would collect dust in his room and be forgotten. We literally sorted out his fan mail yesterday.”

You glance over at your initial present for Satoru. The bag has deep creases and wrinkles from death gripping it in your disassociated state. You delicately bring it to your lap, blankly staring at the two dedicated gifts inside. Sighing in defeat, you slowly fold the top of the bag before setting it back in its previous place. You gave Suguru a tired smile, saying how wishful thinking blinded you from reality. Suguru couldn’t help but feel pity. It hurts him to see you like this and blame yourself for dreaming about something he knew would become a reality. But he was thrown in for a loop because he was sure his best friend was hopelessly in love with you. The glances, the consistency of bringing up your name, the extra care he gave when it came to you, IT WAS ALL RIGHT THERE! Was Satoru leading everyone on, you included? Suguru was going to get to the bottom of this. He escorts you back and asks Shoko to stay with you until nighttime. 

After filling Shoko in, you looked at the crippled bag sitting alone on the floor. Taunting, making a mockery of you, and constantly reminding you how you really let your feelings get out of hand to let you believe a fantasy. How foolish you are, little stupid fool you were, you think. Getting off your bed, you go over to the bane that reminds you of your naivete as a hopeless romantic. You were tempted to throw the whole bag away; consider burning it all.

Despite thinking of wiping the existence of those gifts from this world, you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. They were drawings of Satoru and a handmade bracelet with his favorite Digimon, and you were proud of how they turned out. The time and dedication you put into it really showed how much this man had a chokehold on your life no matter what. Crush, friend, it didn’t matter. He really changed your life; you would be forever grateful for that. Even if that meant you always stayed friends. It was a better fate than being strangers altogether. So you decide to store the bag in an empty drawer for miscellaneous items, not wanting to see it anymore. Shoko was surprised by your actions. Though she would understand you destroying them, she didn’t expect you to keep your gifts. You just shrugged, saying destroying it wouldn’t do you any good. No amount of satisfaction or fulfillment would come from it. Shoko just gives you a hug as you lean into it.

Ever since that day, you slowly stopped talking to Satoru. He didn’t notice it because you would make excuses or leave immediately before he could catch up. He thought you were busy with homework and school. It was brought to his attention when you wouldn’t hang out with him. Whenever he texted you to hang out, you would say you were busy or not feeling good. It got worse when you didn’t attend your group hangouts with Suguru and Shoko. It was always the four of you. Without you, it felt incomplete, and Satoru started to miss you and the vibe you brought. Even when he asked Suguru or Shoko where you were, they would give the same answer you did. And it was starting to frustrate him. Did he say or do something to distance yourself from him? Did he accidentally hurt without realizing it? Why did you suddenly not want to talk to him anymore? He sees you talking to your other friends and classmates without a care in the world. Your lovely lips always curled upwards, and how your cheeks and eyes molded to highlight your face, you were absolute divinity in his eyes. Had you always looked so beautiful to him? Yes, but he didn’t realize that until now since his only way of looking at you is from a distance. 

Every time he would try to make his way over to you, you gave a quick side glance in his direction before wrapping up any conversation and leaving. This honestly began to hurt Satoru. He had never dealt something like this with anyone else. Maybe when he had severe fights with Suguru, but they would make up in the end since he knew it was mostly his fault. But this is different because he was in the dark of your avoidance. It was like he was the bubonic plague, and you were straight-up social distancing yourself from him. It didn’t matter when or where; as soon as he entered within a 12-foot radius, you were going in the other direction. This had been going on for almost two weeks! It was now the 21st, the last school day before winter break. Nothing significant was happening today besides the classic winter break assembly. He needed to talk to you so you two could somehow talk it out and make it. It’s ironic how oblivious he was to the circumstances he was in. The roles are now reversed because now he’s pining after you like you had been for him for the past few years. You usually would sit with them during these events, but since you’re distancing, you opted to sit with your peers. When you did sit with them, you would be the furthest away from Satoru. 

Satoru should’ve been paying attention to the assembly. But his only focus was you, who was on the other side of the gymnasium. You were sitting on opposite bleachers with one of your underclassmen, Riko Amanai. Satoru wished he could teleport himself to you, pick you up, and go to a quiet place to talk. But he knew he had to be patient to make his move, something Suguru had to remind him constantly. Once the assembly was over, Satoru by-lined to where you were. However, the sea of students eager to leave school is challenging, even for the 6’3 boy. He saw glimpses of you with Riko as you pulled her along and weaved through the crowd out of the school. The resistance he met trying to reach you became so aggravating he was shoving anyone who got in his way. It got to the point where students made room for him to pass through, fearing the wrath of Satoru Gojo in a bad mood.

Alas, once he exited the school, you had already gone off campus to who knows where with Riko and Kuroi, her caretaker. Satoru tightened his fists, and his face bore a scowl as you slipped away again. He would have punched the school’s concrete fence if Suguru didn’t pop up in front of him. Satoru was slightly calmed when he saw his friend, but a twinge of unease settled in when he saw Suguru’s strained smile. To a regular person, it seemed like a genuine smile. But Satoru knew Suguru enough to know when he gave these smiles. This one meant he was in deep trouble. Suguru said he needed to talk to Satoru about something over a bucket of KFC with one of the Visa gift cards Shoko gave them. Satoru followed it, knowing there was more to Suguru’s unidentified mood. However, Suguru just stops in front of the KFC, idly standing with his back to him. Seeing his standoffish behavior, Satoru becomes confused and finally breaks their tense silence.

“Look, Suguru, I know this isn’t the best time. But we need to talk about (Y/N).”

“What is there to talk about her, Satoru?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Suguru. You noticed how (Y/N) has barely been hanging out with us. Giving excuses to not hang out. I don’t understand why this happened so fast. Two weeks ago, (Y/N) was fine. She was laughing with us and being a part of our stupid antics. Then, after my birthday, she slowly stopped replying to my texts and avoided me altogether. Suguru, you got to know something. I don’t want to be left in the dark anymore. I need to know what I did to make her stop talking to me.”

Oh, Suguru knew the reason why you were doing this. You told him yourself. You admitted to Suguru you didn’t know how to act around Satoru anymore, in fear of spilling your confession and making a fool out of yourself. You knew how cowardly it was to do this. Not correctly communicating your emotions and actions to Satoru was self-sabotage, and your relationship with him would suffer severely. You tried to ride out your feelings to the best of your abilities. But you learned that those feelings for Satoru wouldn’t go away no matter what you did. So, you thought the best option was to slowly distance yourself from Satoru to heal your broken heart and save your dignity. Suguru was against this at first. But he let it slide since it was only Satoru and not him or Shoko.

What he didn’t let slide was how he saw his best friend paraded around his latest girlfriend. He knew that relationship wouldn’t last at all because there was one thing he knew about his best friend. Satoru Gojo is a lonely person. No amount of fan girls or guys dick-riding him would fill the void of loneliness Satoru faced in his life. He always was told that he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was talented and good at anything and everything he did. But with that, people only saw him from afar, never really caring to realize Satoru was like anyone else besides his wealth. Suguru knew you made Satoru feel seen and let him dwell on his antics so he could be a teen, not some high, mighty God people were willing to kiss his feet. Satoru fell in love with you but doesn’t want to admit it. Seemingly taken you for granted. Suguru doesn’t blame you for trying to lose feelings for him. He would, too, if the person he liked gave mixed signals and had a cycle through partners like daily outfits even though they heavily implied to their best friend they wanted you but never cared to tell.

You would have made the first move. But with many rejections, some harsher than others, you decide to wait for the other person to say something first or drop an obvious hint. You aren’t going to drive through a red light, only green ones. You often hear the phrase, ‘Girls who make the first move on a guy get the relationship.’ That is a blatant lie and bullshit because it only works if the guy doesn’t care, the girl asking is conventionally pretty, or the guy already liked or was interested in the girl. You experienced so much rejection that you might as well give up on telling your feelings so as not to be seen as pathetic. You thought it would be different for Satoru because of your powerful chemistry together. But he sent many mixed signals, being flirtatious and teasing you, genuinely looking out for you simultaneously, all the while still never giving a break to dating and having a long line of girlfriends at his beak and call. It was too complicated for you. Then, with the incident, you knew you had no chance with him because it seemed he would never feel the same.

“Do you like (Y/N), Satoru?”

Satoru gave his best friend a bewildered look, his face recoiling.

“Yeah, of course, I like (Y/N), Suguru. What kind of question is that—”

“That’s not what I’m asking you, Satoru. Do you love (Y/N)? Yes or No, simple as that.”

“What are you trying to get at, Suguru?”

Suguru visibly groans at the Satoru’s density. This was annoying Suguru at this point.

“Satoru, be honest with yourself. Admit it, you’re in love with (Y/N). How you look out for her, care for her, and constantly bring her up in conversations every chance you get, the longing gaze you give her when she isn’t looking, always staring at her instead of anyone else in the room. The list goes on and on, Satoru. Stop denying it. Do you love her, or are you just saying that because you want to joke about someone’s feelings?”

Satoru’s voice was caught in his throat; he had his answer, but his body wasn’t giving him a chance to say it. It was like Suguru hitting the nail every time, making Satoru feel cornered. Suguru sighed frustratedly at the silence of his best friend, who usually would have his answers ready in the queue.

“So you never really loved (Y/N) then, Satoru.”

“What! No! I do love (Y/N), Suguru—”

“Then why the fuck do you still indulge in your playboy personality? You and I both know that won’t get you anywhere, Satoru. It’s doing you more damage than good, yet you continue feeding into it! Maybe if you gave a break from your causal flings, (Y/N) would have confessed to you, and the two of you would have been dating by now. God, You’re just a headache, Satoru…” Suguru doesn’t shout, but his sharp tone is on the edge of becoming angry.

Wait, what?

You were going to confess to him?

You like him too?

Satoru blinks owlishly while trying to process this mind-breaking information. You liked Satoru, so the feeling was mutual, right? Then why is Suguru getting mad at him for feeling the same way?

“Wait… Suguru...(Y/N) likes me too? Why didn’t she say anything in the first place? Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Because you already had a girlfriend, Satoru. (Y/N)’s not a home wrecker.”

“Yeah, okay. But I was single for two weeks! She knew that! Why didn’t she confess to me then?!”

“I don’t know, Satoru… Maybe because she was more focused on making your birthday gifts than her confession towards you. How much of her time was dedicated to making them? She was going to confess to you but decided not to.”

“When, Suguru?!”

“ . . .Your birthday. . . (Y/N) was going to give your gifts and confess on your birthday, but you decided to fuck yourself over.”

“ ‘Fuck myself over? What do you mean, Suguru?” Satoru said in a hushed but shocked whisper.

Suguru pulls out his phone, pulls up the picture you took, and shows it to Satoru. Satoru’s eyes widen like saucers, surprised by Suguru’s possession of a photograph that captured his private moment. He grabs Suguru’s phone to take a closer look before looking back up at him, face still bearing the same expression.

“Wait, that happened on my birthday. How did you take this? 

“I didn’t take it, Satoru. . .”

“Huh? Then who—”

Oh. . .Oh. . .

Oh no. . .

It all was starting to click for Satoru. Suguru looked unamused as he saw his friend’s gears moving in his head.

“Suguru, I—”

“So, do you love (Y/N), Satoru? Yes or no?”

Satoru stays silent with no motions to verbalize an answer.

“*sighs* Then tell me, Satoru. Do you love (Y/N) because she is beautiful? Or is she beautiful because you love her?”

Suguru left a defeated and devastated Satoru in the streets to be alone with his thoughts. In doing so, he hoped his friend would connect the dots himself. Satoru stood frozen in front of the KFC, finally understanding it. The distance, the consistent decline in hangouts, the short conversations, being ‘happy’ around others but never near him, how your smile droops at the mention of his name, and the solemn expression your eyes wore ever since his birthday all added up. It was all because of him. Sure, it’s both parties at play here.

On the other hand, your actions were just reactions to his own, especially when his loneliness caused him to become desperate in seeking out the attention of multiple girls he would ‘date.’ Consequently, it signaled he was looking for something casual with no strings attached, making you believe giving a confession would be useless to someone like him. But that’s far from the truth.

 He couldn’t believe he had done you dirty for so long. You were always in front of him, waiting for him this whole time. You were the one to give him warmth and fill in the void of loneliness that has plagued his soul for so long. But he never gave you a chance because he never cared to ask or consider it. He took you for granted because he knew you would always be there for him through everything and anything; you were his ride or die. Oh, how irresponsible of him that not truly appreciating your presence would lead to your eventual withdrawal.

Now he realized his love for you was real and profound as it was tiered above anything else. The way he flexed his bicep when you linked arms with him to stay close in big crowds, the stars your eyes have when talking about your favorite topic made him have this dumb love-sick look, or your smile that always filled him with love and joy when it’s directed at him, he still wanted to experience these things with you but as more as friends. And yet, he was on the verge of losing it all forever. Three years of friendship/pining would be wiped away in three weeks. All because he was scared to admit his fragile vulnerability behind his pompous attitude. He had to do something; he needed to. Or the only thing he will have of you is the memories you two created. Satoru booked it and ran through Tokyo for ideas on what to do. He didn’t care if he looked absurd. All that mattered to him was finding a way to mend things. The only thing on his mind was you.

Because he knew it was you.

It always has been you.

And he had to pull off miracles to save your relationship with him.

It was the next day; Satoru was carrying a big shopping bag around Tokyo, hoping to find you. After spending the rest of his afternoon and night finding some ideas, he made you what he dubs his ‘I’m sorry’ present, which was also your Christmas present. It contained a 15-inch plushie of (Your favorite Animal/Digimon/Pokemon/Character), a jacket you told him you wanted but was too expensive a while back, and (earrings/necklace/bracelets/rings/any sort of wearable jewelry) in your favorite color as you stared at it longingly when at the mall with the gang, Satoru always made a note of that.

Now, the hard part giving them to you in hopes of talking with him. It would have to be a  miracle to cross paths with you. Satoru couldn’t text you since you stopped responding to his attempts at communication. In a vast city being hectic in the upcoming days of the holidays, he needed all the luck he had just to spot you in the crowd. But even if he knew your schedule by heart, there was no sign of you in Tokyo. He could visit your home, but he assumes he’s an unwelcome guest since you lived with your (sibling(s)/guardian/parent(s)/loved one), and you confide in them frequently. As time never stops, he’s losing time. His precious time with you is slipping away, never to return. Both and forth, the wind chill nipped and whipped at his exposed skin. Satoru’s cheeks, nose, and knuckles were rosy as his body worked overtime to keep warm. The puffs from his mouth fogged up his glasses as he forced himself to continue searching just to have a chance to run into you.

Satoru is not religious, nor does he believe in a god. And yet, in those moments, Satoru started to pray. He was praying, begging, pleading for any divinity to hear his desperate cries to come across you. Just a chance, anything, he’ll do anything to see a wisp of (hair color) hair walking along the streets. His strides slowed; every step he took was heavy. Until they eventually came to a stop; his chest puffed in and out after wandering aimlessly along the bustling streets of Tokyo. He exhausted himself to the point that he was unaware he was in front of the school’s gates. He didn’t even notice the gates were wide open, and a familiar figure approached them along the adjacent side. His hands were on his knees, hunched over where a shadow loomed over him. Then he hears a voice so angelic and heavenly that he believes he was hallucinating at first.

“Satoru? Satoru, are you okay?”

Slowly, he lifts his head to meet your gaze, seeing you are bundled up well. You wear a slightly troubled face while holding an umbrella over his head. 

“What brings you here, Satoru? I thought you had stayed home today since it was forecasted to snow.”

Once pointed out, Satoru noticed white specks falling in front of him. He stands up at full length, making you adjust your umbrella's height on him. Though his signature grin is on his glossy lips, internally, he is screaming and celebrating that his prayers have been answered. After hours of aimlessly trying to find you throughout the city, you were finally in front of him in the most ironic place. He chuckles at your gesture before gingerly taking your umbrella and hovering it above you two.

“I was going to ask you the same thing, (Y/N).” He gives a warm smile at you.

“The school left the campus and dormitories open so students could grab their things to take home. I forgot some stuff at my dorm, so I came today to get them. Would you like to accompany me, Satoru?” You said, adjusting your empty canvas tote bag on your shoulders.

With no hesitation or thinking, Satoru immediately said yes. He smiled as he walked the two of you to your dorm.  But you couldn’t help but glance down at the big shopping bag he was holding. ‘It must be a Christmas present for his girlfriend… she is so lucky.’ you thought. Not a single peep came out of you two throughout the trip to your dorm, even with no words, tension building up in the air surrounding you. Neither one of you wanted to make the first move. It was childish to continue like this. There was no bad blood between the two of you at all. But you were persistent in embarrassing yourself in front of Satoru. Before all this, you were never afraid to have banter or say the most off-the-record stuff with Satoru. But it was different when it was unrequited thoughts and feelings, as you didn’t want to further humiliate your pathetic self. Once you got to your dorm, you said you wouldn’t take long. Closing your door, Satoru leans against the back of it. He watches silently as you diligently gather your needed items and place them inside your bag. Each item is packed into your bag, and he has less time to make his move. He knows he needs to say something because he sought after you for a reason. 

Likewise, you were in the same boat. You can feel the tension blanket your body as you retrieve your things. Avoid direct eye contact with Satoru for fear of breaking your facade and folding. While trying to focus on anything that wasn’t him, your eyes kept glancing at the massive bag beside Satoru’s feet. It was a decently sized bag spaced out from the items it contained. By the looks of it, you assumed Satoru went out splurging on his latest girlfriend for Christmas.

‘Wish that was me receiving that bag. . .’ You thought to yourself as you arranged the items to avoid ruining your bag.

Satoru snapped out of his trance when the sound of your shuffling stopped. Your head slightly hung low as you stared at the bag with flat palms. You sighed with your head shaking side to side. You decided to break the silence to ease the tense air in your room.

“I didn’t know you did last-minute shopping, Satoru. Guessing how full that bag is, it’s your Christmas present to your girlfriend. You love spoiling your girlfriends with endless money to burn. Keep doing that, and you’ll go broke, dude. . . Lucky her. . .” You slipped the last part out under your breath. Your smile dropped briefly before returning, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Satoru.

However, you remembered Satoru had excellent hearing. He could pick out of the faintest of whispers. When you realize that, you panicked and faced him. From how his brows were raised, you knew he definitely heard it. Your brain scrambled to find a way to cover the creaks in your walls from your slip-up, causing you to speak up. What you didn’t expect was Satoru doing the same.

“Sorry, Satoru, I didn’t mean that–”

“(Y/N), I need to–”

After catching each other’s words, you both abruptly stop to give space for the other to talk. Satoru gestures for you to go first. Gentleman as every. Feeling the anxiety and embarrassment weighing on you, you didn’t dare to look at him when talking, so your head focused back on your bag.

“Look, Satoru. . . I know how immature this is, but I want to apologize for the sudden change in my behavior and distance over the last few weeks. It was uncalled for, and you deserved a proper answer.–”

“No.”

“It’s because– huh?”

Prompting you to look up at Satoru, to which he had an unreadable expression. His glasses were blocking the creases of his eyes to indicate any of his emotions. A chill of uneasiness ran up your spine when you saw the serious look on Satoru’s face. He walks over to you with his hands in his pockets as he stares down, his expression unchanged.

“No, I need you to hear me out.”

Satoru cut off any chance for you to speak because he and you would be done if you did. He knew if he didn’t find you before Christmas Eve, what you two had would cease to exist. Once winter break ends and school resumes, he and you would be in two separate worlds. Ultimately becoming strangers who once knew each other. The thought of it made him nauseous and clammy to the core. You were the sun that shined in his endless cerulean sky. The moon and stars that gave illuminated his night sky. You gave light to the vast numbness he’d endured for all he could remember. You were the light he had been longing for years. And he was going to lose it all because he was a coward who didn’t have the balls to admit it and used dating as a coping mechanism to fill the hole in his heart.  So it’s now or never for him to be vulnerable to you because he feared this was his last chance.

“I know you didn’t mean to distance yourself from me at all. I know you still cared about me and didn’t want to push me away for fear of humiliating yourself. Being me, I didn’t notice at first that you were hurting until you uprooted yourself from my life, and it’s been god-awful without you. . . I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

The genuine sincerity in his eyes as they bore into yours. You noticed that. It came straight out of Satoru Gojo, not from the egotistical, pompous, popular senior, but from your best friend. So you decided to up your ears to what he has to say. When you gave him your undivided attention, Satoru knew this was it, so he spilled it out.

“I’m sorry that I haven’t really appreciated your presence. I took you for granted because I thought you would always be with me, with no chance of leaving me. That bit me in the ass once you slowly stopped being with me. But I know there’s more: the mixed signals I gave off, the playboy attitude, and the lack of self-awareness I had for myself. It was a way for me to not confront the crimpling loneliness and numbness I’ve been having. I indulge in my fangirls and causal relationships, hoping it would fix it. But it was just a temporary solution to a long-term problem. I saw the girls as a means to get my mind away from it, and the girls get to be with the famous Satoru Gojo. . . I’ve done this song and dance for so long that it was a part of my routine. . .”

“Oh, Toru. . .”

God, he missed that nickname you gave him. The way it rolls off your tongue in any tone, it’s seared into his memory and mind. When people, especially his ‘girlfriends,’ try to use that same nickname on him, it fills him with unexplainable rage. That name was for you to use on him, not them. They didn’t have a place in his heart like you do, so he always corrected them to minimize the usage of that nickname. But when you said it, it was soft and tender like the snow falling outside. He knew he was getting to you, and it was working. He relaxes as he closes his eyes, only to open them when your hand gently holds his cheek. Thumb swiping it in a comforting manner. You wanted to say something so Satoru didn’t have to do all the work. For him to admit, he took down all his walls so you could see all of him. To you, it was a privilege and honor to see such vulnerability coming from an individual who was charismatic and oozing with unspeakable rizz. So you continue to listen patiently to see what point your famous friend is making.

“But you disrupted the routine, (Y/N). . . When you came, it felt like I didn’t have to do that anymore. You made me feel free and alive. Allowing me to be my authentic self around our group or just the two of us. But most of all, you made me savor each moment I shared with Suguru, Shoko, and you. I always cherished what I had with them. I cherish what I have had with you over the time I’ve known you. I always did. Maybe that’s why the moon and stars shine brighter when I tell them about you. They know how brightly you shine in the endless sea of regular people. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to admit you already had my heart. . . And in doing so, I hurt you in ways I couldn’t have imagined. . . I am so sorry I had to make you wait so long, (Y/N).”

You hadn’t realized your tears were cascading down the curves of your cheeks. Was this really happening? Did Satoru just confess to you? You think this is all too good to be true, a scenario you conjured up to cope with hopeless romantic delusions. But his voice was full of raw fondness. His face had this lovesick expression, and his eyes bore sheer devotion as his tears were caught in his eyelashes. He really did feel the same way after all. He would’ve resumed pouring his heart and soul out if you hadn’t firmly pulled him into a tight hug.

Though caught off guard by the gesture, he warmly welcomed it as he returned the action. Tears wet his shirt as you clung to his chest. Satoru lightly kissed your head before cradling it like it was the most fragile thing in the universe. The once-thick tension disappeared, and a comforting warmth blanketed the two of you in its place. You two dared not to pull away, taking in the moment that has caused mental gymnastics for both of you. Eventually, someone had to pull away, and it would be you. You smiled so warmly at him with love-filled eyes. You wipe away Satoru’s tears that continue to fall and hit his glasses.

“. . . I love you too, Satoru. I should also apologize because I didn’t communicate my feelings to you. I was scared of how you would react to my confession. I didn’t want to lose what we had, nor did I want to pressure you into saying yes to spare me the heartache. I also didn’t know how to act when I was with you, and I feared I would look stupid. I shouldn’t have thought the only solution was to cut myself out of your life. Though these are my explanations, they don’t justify my excuses. Please forgive me, Satoru.”

“All is forgiven, Sweetheart. Will you forgive me, too?”

“Of course, Satoru. . .” 

Satoru starts to dip his head as you both smile at each other. You were going to let it happen, but a thought came across your mind as you softly stopped Satoru’s head. With a pout, Satoru would ask what was wrong before he was faced with a panicked look.

“Satoru! What about your girlfriend?!”

Satoru blankly stares at you before he starts to chuckle quietly. You were truly a kind person.

“Satoru! I’m being serious! Stop laughing!”

“Oh my dear, (Y/N). You truly have a kind and caring heart. I promise you I’m not cheating on her, nor are you homewrecking. She texted me she found someone else and ghosted me right after. I’m all yours, baby~.” 

Satoru waves his hand as he pulls out his phone to show you the proof, as you have always been skeptical of his words. Once you visibly relax, your gaze returns to the big shopping bag Satoru carried around. He already knew what you were going to ask and had an answer.

“Why don’t you take a look and open it yourself, (Y/N)? You did say the bag was my Christmas present for my girlfriend~.”

Your face heats up as Satoru retrieves your Christmas present. He holds it out, and you slowly take it from him. His grin becomes a soft smile at the reaction to the gifts in the bag. You squealed at the massively cute plushie as you gave it a happy squeeze. You gasped and were awed when you pulled out the jacket/sweater, gleefully trying it on.

“Give me a twirl, Love.” On command, you spin yourself so he can see how it captures your figure. Anything does look good on you in his eyes.

“I thought this was sold out, Toru! How did you get your hands on this?!”

“I have my ways. Now open your last gift.”

You go to open your last gift, and how your mouth was opened reassured Satoru that he was the best gift giver in the world. Fingers delicately hold up (favorite jewelry), observing the glow and reflection it gave off. It was gorgeous and unique as it had (favorite gemstone) being the main centerpiece. Only the best for you.

“Satoru, you still remember this?”

“Of course I did!”

“But that was over three months ago. . .”

“I know, (Y/N). But the way your eyes lingered on it when we went to the mall, I always noted it. Plus, I thought it suited you the best, so I had to buy it.”

“Oh, how sweet of you, Satoru. Thank you for the Christmas present. I really love them.” 

After returning your gifts to their bag, you walked to your dresser to fish something out. Satoru watches curiously as you pull out a crumpled paper bag. Satoru eyes widened as you handed the bag to him.

“ While they are Christmas gifts, they are technically your birthday gifts. I would’ve given them on your birthday but chickened out when I found out you had a girlfriend. So Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, Satoru. They may not be as good as your gifts, but it’s something, right?”

You offer a smile as Satoru opens his gifts. You giggled at his extravagant reactions, praising and adoring his Agumon bracelet that he instantly wore on his wrist proudly. He pulls out the other gift and is shocked to see the drawings of him. The frame fits in his hands as he analyzes each sketch of himself. The detail and precision that went into each told Satoru you took the time and energy to draw him. But it also made him giddy as he looked extremely handsome and good-looking in each of the drawings. It caused him to blush when he realized this was how you see him through your eyes. As he was looking at your drawing page, he noticed the frame’s stand was attached to its sides.

Turning it around, he saw another drawing on the other side. But this sketch made Satoru’s heart beat out of his chest. The page contains only one illustration of two people walking with smiles. However, those two were him and you walking, smiling at each other, and holding each other’s hands. Satoru’s silence did concern you for a bit, but it was shattered when Satoru went in steadfastly to seal the gap between your lips. Your initial shock wore off before you let him reciprocate his kiss. You can feel his soft and smooth lips; he needs to give you his lip care routine. After parting, Satoru leans his head against yours, his arms not unraveling from you. 

“No, they are wonderful gifts. Thank you, (Y/N). I love them. . . and I love you.”

“I love you too, Satoru~.”

Basking in each other’s warmth, eliminating the cold and gloomy atmosphere from outside. As much as you wanted to stay together a little longer, the campus would close soon for the rest of the break, and you must leave quickly. You didn’t want to leave Satoru yet, so you tried to extend it as much as possible.

“Hey, Satoru? Can you walk me home? The forecast said the snow will pick up tonight, and I don’t want to go home alone.” 

Satoru gives his classic grin before kissing your forehead sweetly. 

“I would love to, Sweetheart. I’ll carry your bags while you can hold the umbrella.”

The snow continues to softly fall as the two of you walk along the bustling streets of Tokyo. Although the white puff clouds appeared every time someone spoke and the tips of Satoru’s face were bright red, Satoru never paid attention to the frigid temperatures. Even in this cold white winter, he can see that your bright aura always gave a comforting warmth he yearned for. Making you stand out amongst the sea of passersby, the bright neon lights of Tokyo, and the white dots that continue to cover the city.

The light that shines and gives light to his dull Cerulean sky. Satoru’s world wasn’t grey anymore as he had finally found his light, you.

Bonus:

—A few days later—

“You think they made up, Sugs?”

“Honestly, I hope they do. If not, we’re fucked, Shoko.”

It had been a few days since Shoko and Suguru had last heard from you and Satoru. Neither has responded to your texts as often as usual, making the two nervous. Then Suguru proposed a hangout before New Year's Eve. He didn’t add it in the group chat because he was unaware of the situation. Opting to ask you two individually instead. Even though you two responded, he was unsure if the storm between you two passed over or was still raging on. 

However, his initial worries would be meaningless soon enough. As Shoko and Suguru were taking a drag at the meet-up spot, they spotted two figures approaching them. Squinting their eyes to get a better look, they recognized that it was you and Satoru. Their eyes traveled down a bit to see both your hands intertwine. The love that came from Satoru’s smile and your eyes told them everything.

Though the two smiled and high-fived each other, Suguru grinned ear to ear, which earned a frustrated sigh from Shoko. She then reaches into her coat to fish out her wallet. 

“I guess I win, Shoko. Hand over that $25 Visa gift card, please?”

[junhanner]

classmate!vernon who would do the silliest faces when noticing you stare at him ^_^

classmate!vernon who would pass the most unhinged jokes he knows on a piece of paper to you when the lesson gets boring (if the teacher would notice you two and read out loud the paper, just know that teacher will get humiliated for LIFE for reference as how crazy vernons jokes would be）

classmate!vernon who would always sit with you at lunch , no matter any circumstance . you stay alone? he will come and strike a conversation while the two of you eat. theres too many people at your table? he will squeeze in. dying or not, in the end he will always sit with you.

classmate!vernon who would always check on you outside of school too . if he’s having a bad day , just knowing you’re okay and doing well cheers him up a little bit .

classmate!vernon who would sacrifice his life in any fight if he ever finds out about someone talking behind your back , making up rumours or is bullying you .

classmate!vernon who would give you a gift every week. even if it’s just a vending machine snack or a really cool keychain you’ve been eyeing at a store while the two of you hang out . every week , it’s always something new.

classmate!vernon who would give you the funniest look when any teacher would mention a project or anything else could also be done with a partener

classmate!vernon who would slowly realise he has developed a small crush on you .

classmate!vernon who would start being more awkward around you , stumbling on his words from nowhere and being really nervous when you two are hanging out .

classmate!vernon who would start calculating his ever move so he wont do something embarassing in front of you (spoiler alert it didn’t work)

classmate!vernon who would brainstorm the best way to confess to you , but fails miserably

classmate!vernon who would eventually land on the idea to ask you to hang out at a really nice place and then confess to you

classmate!vernon who would start accidentally stuttering when confessing which you found surprisingly cute

classmate!vernon and you who are now happily dating and planning your future together 🥹🥹

a/n : my vernon brainrot has gotten so so bad .. 😞 writing this was so much fun !! i love him soososososos much 💔 even though i’m not really proud of this one im still posting it because i promise id post as much as i can 💗 pls ignore any english mistakes

[https-alberich]

CW: Discriptions of gore. Mentions of bullying. Mentions of stalking. Reader discretion is advised.

Notes: I hate him (lie).

My darling. A small note before we begin. I made this journal to document our whole lives together!! I really hope you don’t mind but it really is important I document everything! One day when we get married We will be getting married. You would look amazing and I would love you so much I’ll give you this book and we can reflect on our love together!! Maybe we can show our kids too? Only if you’re ok with that after all!! I wouldn’t want to force you!

That would make me a bad husband.

Friday. Sixteenth of August. Time: 10:50 AM.

Wearing: School issued uniform. Plain white socks. Black shoes.

It was maybe five minutes ago? I can't remember exactly. I’m in the Chemistry Classroom, writing this all down. My heart is pounding right out of my chest!! I can’t think straight. I was being teased again I hate those sick fucks why can’t they die I hope they die I’ll kill them I’ll kill them I’ll kill them and you came to save me!! I swear I fell in love. You were incredible, and so beautiful.

You asked me if I was okay. 

I’m sorry I didn’t respond. I just got so nervous I couldn't speak! You made me like this.

And then you touched me.

Ahh just thinking about your hand on my shoulder makes my heart race again! I’m sorry I didn’t get your name. I’ll look it up in the school files when I get home!

I hope we can see each other tomorrow.

Monday. Nineteenth of August. Time: 11:10 AM.

Wearing: School issued uniform. Plain white socks. Black shoes.

I didn’t get to see you on the weekend my dear. :( 

I’m sorry. I know you must’ve missed me a lot since I wasn’t there but I had to go to the hospital. It’s ok. I’m ok so you don’t need to worry your pretty little head my dear. I promise the break wasn’t useless though! I realised what I wanted to say to you as a thank you for helping me out on Friday!! You’re so sweet and kind and you smell so good always look so amazing. I hope we can eat lunch together! Or hang out in the library? Oh that reminds me - I found out your name! Sneaking into the school and accessing the files is super easy when you know what you’re doing!!

Did you know I can donate my blood to you? 

It’s amazing right!! I hope you’ll never need me to because that would mean you're hurt but if worst comes to worst you can have my blood! I’d give you all my blood if you wanted.

I’ll add more when I manage to thank you. 

Time: 11:23 AM.

I did it!! Did you see? Are you proud of me? I think you are. You gave me a smile that said ‘Kyle! I’m proud of you.’ Ahhh. I’m worried I stuttered too much. I’m sorry I can’t help it. You drive me insane. Just thinking of you makes me so red in the cheeks. You’re so perfect. I really do love you, did you know.

Tuesday. Twentieth of August. Time: 9:10 AM.

Wearing: School issued uniform, top button of shirt is undone. Black shoes.

We’re in the same Biology class! I’m sitting on the desk to your left. I don't think you’ve noticed me yet. That’s ok. You’re focused on your work. I’ll try not to disturb you.

Since I’m so close I noticed a few crumbs on your lips. It must be from breakfast. I really want to lick them off you. And you would smile and thank me for being such a considerate boyfriend. But unfortunately you might think it’d be a bit strange if I did that wouldn’t you? Seeing as it’s only been a few days since we’ve met. 

It’s ok.

I don’t mind waiting.

You look so focused on your work. It’s so adorable. How is it that everytime I notice something new about you I just fall harder and harder in love with you? Have you cursed me maybe? Put a spell on me?

I want to slice open your skin and crawl inside.

Wednesday. Twenty first of August. Time: 1:14 PM.

Wearing: School issued uniform. Plain black socks. Black shoes. Science lab coat. Blue gloves. 

We had Biology together again. We have it together on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. You have no idea how happy that makes me. We were doing an experiment today. A dissection. Did you know I’m really good at those? The smoothness of a scalpel is so nice. How easy it is to cut with one. It glides over the skin with such ease. You’ll never even notice the cut until it starts bleeding.

I want to taste your blood. You’d let me right? I want to lick it off your skin.

You seemed to be very concentrated on the dissection. A few of the other students were whispering about you. I think it was my fault. I’m sorry. They think I’m weird.

Not you though!

You’re good.

You’re different.

I can’t wait for us to be married.

Thursday. Twenty second of August. Time: 3:00 PM.

Wearing: 

Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you. Where did you go.  Where were you.

Friday. Twenty third of August. Time: 12:06 PM.

Wearing: School issued uniform. Plain black socks. Black shoes.

I’m sorry for freaking out yesterday. Apparently you had a doctor's appointment. That’s ok. You should warn me next time you decide you can’t come to school. You scared me. But that’s ok.

I’m ok.

You’re ok.

So I’m ok.

Other than that. Today is our one week anniversary of being together! Except you don’t really know that do you?

That’s okay!!

I made a cake this morning. I’m not very good at cooking so I was looking on Reddit and 4chan for help. I managed to make something! I slipped it in your locker for you to enjoy when you get home!!

I love you.

Taglist: @mono273

© Written By https-Alberich. Do not copy, steal or translate without permission.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Sonny Carisi: Tears For A Good Man 

I was writing a Nick Amaro story. This popped into my head, and it wouldn’t let go. My first attempt at another one of my favorite SVU men Carisi. I was nervous to write him, but I had so much fun with it. Someone has to tell me if I hit his character right.  

Your mind is in a whirlwind. You have no idea how you’ve come to be at this spot in your life. It doesn’t feel real. Your life wasn’t like this. Good things just didn’t happen to you like this. So, you just watched the scene play out in front of you through misty eyes. Time had slowed, and words were taking longer to process adding to the surreal state. 

Sonny didn’t notice as he pulled Chinese food boxes from a paper bag and set them on your desk. He was chatting animally, about how he wasn’t sure if you were still trying to cut back on carbs, and that you really didn’t need to. He had been craving Chinese and he thought you should eat some too. He honestly liked his woman with meat on their bones, curves, he was Italian after all. But he had gotten you a salad too.   

You had been the one complaining to him last week that since you had started seeing him two months ago you had gained almost ten pounds and now your pants were tight. Sonny was an amazing cook and he loved to feed you. You loved to eat his cooking, but he couldn’t really be okay with you gaining weight, could he? No man was like that. They were visual, they wanted their woman to look like they had just walked off the runway impossibly small. It had been a hard pill to swallow as you had started dating in high school. As you had gotten older it hadn’t gotten better. Men had a way of giving women body issues.   

“I got you a Coke before I remembered that you're giving up pop too. So, I got you a Raspberry Lemonade instead.” He was setting the drinks on the desk as he spoke, “Then I remembered how much sugar it had and got you water. I got tell you though doll, a salad and water doesn’t sound like much of a meal to me.” There was a twinge of exasperation in his voice. 

You feel tears start to roll down your face. Sonny had only texted you an hour beforehand to see if you had time for a quick lunch. You had expected to just meet him somewhere, you didn’t have a lot of time but enough to sit down and eat. You hadn't expected him to come over with a feast of Chinese food for the both of you, a salad if you decided you wanted to continue your healthy eating, and three different drinks because honestly who did that? You would blame the tears on PMS because in what world does a girl start crying because her boyfriend is being nice and respectful to her.  

When Sonny turns and sees your tears, he cuts off midsentence concern written all over his face. “Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong sweetheart?” You can’t say anything emotions bubbling up through your stomach. “Did I do something wrong? I didn’t mean to.” You roll your eyes at yourself for being stupid, not him. When Sonny sees it, he doesn’t interpret it that way. He reaches for you putting a hand on your shoulder. His voice lowered to almost a whisper, “Is it because I brought that salad? Honey, I don’t want you to eat that. I was just,” He groaned bringing his other hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I was just trying to be respectful of your decisions. In hindsight, I can see how it looks bad though.” His voice is tense and then changes to a more upbeat problem-solving tone, “I’ll just go get you something different. Anything you want, just tell me.” 

You shake your head at the absolute absurdity of this situation. You finally find your voice, “Sonny please, stop.” He pauses near the closed door of your office. “It’s not the salad. I-I'm just being stupid.” He walked back up to you, caressing your tearstained cheek and wiping at the stray tears with his thumb. Sonny had always been a problem solver, so his mind went to the next possible problem.  

“Am I moving too fast again?” That was something you had told Sonny. It had been in a serious conversation right as you agreed to start a relationship where you had admitted that his confidence and speed of the relationship scared your jaded fragile heart. You had admitted none of your relationships had lasted over six months and that you were nervous about ruining the good thing that the two of you had. “I’m trying to keep it slow baby, but it’s something new to me. I didn’t think lunch would be a big deal. I mean we have before-” Your lower lip trembled as you saw the frustration in his face. You were forcing your insecurity onto him.  

“No Sonny, you're not.” You wrap your hands around his shoulders pulling him tightly to you, he is stunned for a minute before returning the embrace heartily rubbing you back comfortingly. “Thank you,” You whisper in his ear squeezing him tighter. 

“Um, I-I'm not going to lie doll, I’m coming up empty on this one.” One of his hands is still rubbing your back, the other twisted into your hair. Your next words make the tension fall from his shoulders as he kisses your head before tucking it back under his chin. 

“Thank you, for showing me what a good man is really like.”

I know it was short, but this was just to get my feet wet. I love Sonny but I’ve never written a character like him before. I hope everyone finds their Carisi. If you haven’t, you're in good company. Love you guys xoxo                   

[avengerscompound]

The Tower - Nyotaimori

The Tower One Shot

Series Masterlist

Pairing:  Avengers x OFC, Bruce Banner x Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x Wanda Maximoff x Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff x Tony Stark x Thor x Sam Wilson x OFC (Elly Cooper)

Word Count: 2253

Warnings:  smut (nyotaimori, bisexual orgy, oral sex, vaginal fingering)

Synopsis:   During the twins' first day of school, the Sex-Vengers decide to do something they can't do with the kids around, and Elly agrees to be the table while they eat sushi.

Author’s Note: Requested by mary_2824 on Wattpad.  You can send in your requests too

Nyotaimori

Takes place during The Tower: Family immediately after chapter 16: Reminiscing.

I stepped out of the shower, aching in a pleasant post-sex way.  I’d just been put through my paces.  Today was the twins' first day of school and when we’d gotten home, we’d gone to the home cinema and fucked while we watched old videos of our past exploits.  I’d ended up with Tony, Thor, Bruce, and Clint all inside me at the same time, so I was feeling particularly fucked out.

I wasn’t done though.  Natasha had the idea that we have Nyotaimori for lunch and that I would act as the plate.

I was a little nervous about it.  Not because I was feeling insecure or anything like that.  It sounded sexy and I knew my husbands and wives all found me completely irresistible.  I didn’t doubt that they’d be turned on by me lying there while they ate sushi off my naked body.  After the wedding ceremony on Asgard, I didn’t even have any sign of scarring from my cesarean to feel self-conscious about.

I just knew what it was like having to lie completely still for a long time, and I worried that if I got bored it might spoil the experience.

I did want to try it though, and I knew I was safe with all of them.  If I was going to try it, I might as well do it properly.  I dried and fixed my hair, put on some makeup, and grabbed a black and silver filigree masquerade mask and a pair of black kitten heels from the walk-in.

Natasha came into the bedroom while I was slipping on a robe.  “Lunch is here.  Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” I said.

She laughed and took my hand.  “You can always say no, you know?”

“Of course, I do,” I said.  “But you look pretty when you do the puppy dog eyes.”

She laughed and nudged me.  “You’re one of two people I’d let get away with even hinting that I would ever do puppy dog eyes.”

“Speaking of puppy dogs…” I said.

She laughed.  “Don’t worry.  The dog walker came to take them out for a few hours.  You’re not gonna get any random dogs running in and trying to eat sushi off you.”

We went down to the dining area, the rest of the group was over in the living area and could see what was going on, but Natasha called out to them not to look so it would be a surprise.  I felt a little bad for Natasha that she didn’t get the surprise too.  Especially given that this was her idea.  I figured that the reason why it was her was just that she knew what needed to be done.

She’d already laid a cloth over the table with one of our nicer towels on top of that and a pillow.  I took off my robe, climbed up on the table, and lay down.  As I slipped the mask on, Natasha brought the bags of sushi over.

“Okay,” she said.  “Get as comfortable as you can.  Hands at your sides.”

I lay down as she instructed and Natasha started to lay out the sushi. She started by placing long green leaves over various parts of my body, down my stomach, over my groin, down my arms and legs, and two small leaves to cover each nipple.  She artfully placed each one down and placed orchid blossoms around some of them.  “Where did you even get those from?”

“Honey, you haven’t figured out that money can pretty much get you anything delivered in an hour?” she teased.  “FRIDAY contacted a place that does these kinds of parties and negotiated a price for them to be delivered as soon as they could.”

I laughed and shook my head. “I guess I’ll never get used to that.”

When the plants were in place, Natasha began setting up the sushi.  There were a lot of us, and with Bruce, Steve, Thor, and Bucky, a lot of food was needed, so there was far more sushi than could ever fit on me.  Natasha wasn’t concerned.  She placed the sushi in patterns so it worked, putting as much on me that fit without looking cluttered.  She then set the rest out around me in piles on plates along with the dipping sauces and accoutrements.

“Okay, she’s ready,” Natasha said, getting up on a chair so she could take a photo of me.

The rest of the group all made their way into the room.  “Damn,” Sam said.  “You look so hot, princess.”

Clint whistled. “And how.  God damn.”

They all took seats around the table.  Tony was the first one to take the leap and take a piece of sushi.  He picked up his chopsticks and took a piece from my stomach.  “Mm… presentation does affect the taste,” he said.  “This is good.”

Steve had taken a seat closer to my head.  “How are you doing there, sweetheart?” he asked. “Are you comfortable?”

“Mm-hmm,” I hummed.  “I’m all good.  Thank you, honey.”

“You tell me if that changes,” he said and picked up a piece of sushi from my shoulder with his chopsticks.

“I wonder how the kids are going?”  Wanda said.

“I am sure they’re having a wonderful time,” Thor said.  “Riley will be entertaining all her new friends with her powers!”

“Oh god, I hope not,” Sam said.  “It was hard enough for us to convince them she would be safe to go.”

“I’m sure if anything had happened, they’d have called,” Natasha said.

“I hope so,” Bucky agreed.  “I hope they’re settling in okay.  But if they’re having trouble, I hope the school calls.  I don’t want things to get out of control because we never find out about it.”

“I’m sure it will be fine, Buck,” Steve said.  “They know things are a little different for them.”

“Can you check, El?” Clint asked.

I looked down at the threads that connected me to my family and I wound my fingers around the sky-blue thread that joined me to Riley and the grass-green thread that connected to Pietro.  I closed my eyes and focused on them.  Warmth and joy traveled down into me from the children and a soft smile settled on my lips.  “They’re having fun.  It’s lunchtime there too.  They’re outside playing.”

“See, it’s all good,” Clint said.  “Now let’s stop worrying about them, and enjoy this feast in front of us.”  He ran the end of his chopstick up my side and I squealed and flinched away from him.

“Stop it, Clint!” I said.

“Don’t mess with her, Clint,” Steve said, his disappointed-dad tone in full effect.  “This has to be hard enough to do as it is.”

“Yeah, Clint,” I pouted.  “No one has even offered to feed me any yet.”

“I’m sorry princess,” Clint said.  “What do you want?  One of these tempura thingies?”

“Yes, please.”

He picked up a shrimp tempura nigiri with his chopsticks and held it to my mouth and I awkwardly took a bite.  We both started laughing when the Nigiri broke apart at my bite and showed rice on my face.

“Well that didn’t work,” Clint said, eating the other half of the piece.

I shook my head laughing, trying to shake the sticky rice off my skin.  Steve reached over and brushed the rice from my face.  I swallowed what was in my mouth and wrinkled my nose.  “On second thought, I might just wait to eat when the rest of you are done.”

“Are you sure, El?  You really don’t have to do this,” Steve said.

“I’m sure.  I like being the center of attention,” I assured him.

“I’ll set some aside for you,” Steve said and began to fill a plate with sushi that I could eat.

There was a small lull in conversation as everyone focused on eating for a moment.  There was getting to be less food on me, though the two pieces covering my nipples were still in place along with a scattering of others over my body.

“Do we think these babies will have powers?”   Bruce asked, breaking the silence.

He sounded worried.  I knew he was. The potential for powers was a big part of that.  His struggles with the Hulk had been so hard on him and so volatile that the idea of powers being good, even now that his two aspects had been merged, was difficult for him to understand.

“You have all been absorbed into the Asgardian Pantheon.  You are gods, minor deities granted, but still gods.  Our children will all be gods as well,” Thor said.  “So they will each have their own gifts.”

“Will they be like ours?” Clint asked.  “I mean, Riley has weather-related powers like you.  Will Natasha’s baby have some kind of camouflage power or animal-related power?”

Thor shook his head.  “It is difficult to say.  Stories shape our magic.  Powers can be revealed at opportune moments, be passed on from parent to child, and be passed from one to another to complete a quest.  My powers can be shared through Mjolnir for example.  The powers our children are blessed with will fit their story.”

“That sounds like such horse shit,” Tony scoffed.  “Just say you don’t know.”

“Tony,” Steve scolded.

Tony huffed.  “Fine.”  He paused for a moment then mumbled, “Sorry, Thor.”

“You do not have to believe, Anthony,” Thor said. “The magic exists whether you believe in it or not.”

I knew how hard it was for Tony to bite his tongue after that.  It was pretty funny how absolutely dedicated to his atheism he was after everything we've been through.  He always said just because he was old and did things we didn’t understand, didn’t make him a god.

Tony huffed.  “Fine,” he said.  “I’m gonna eat one of these nip pieces.”

He snatched one of the maki rolls from my breast and put it in his mouth.  The leaf remained in place, so as he chewed, he reached over and flicked it away.  My nipple had pebbled under the cool leaf, and Tony ran his thumb around it and began to massage my breast.

I let out a soft moan and Tony smirked at me, swallowing his sushi.  “You like that do you, honey?”

“Uh-huh,” I hummed.

Tony leaned over the table and began to suck on my breast.  I moaned louder and my toes curled.  “Fuck, Tony.”

I had no idea what Tony’s plans were here.  We’d just had some crazy sex.  I thought it would be at least an hour or two before anyone was ready for more.  He was more than happy to just tease me though.  It made it very hard to lay still, and I squirmed as he suckled on my breast.

Steve ate the other piece that had been on my breast and as soon as he’d picked it up, Clint was leaning over the table and latching onto my nipple.

I cried out and my legs trembled as I tried not to buck my hips and send food flying everywhere.  My eyes squeezed closed as I tried to focus, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.  I was already soaking wet.

There was movement around my legs, plates being moved out of the way, and then two hands gripped my ankles, one cool metal and the other warm flesh. 

Bucky dragged me down to the end of the table.  I squealed and broke into giggles.  What remaining sushi that was still on me was sent scattering, some still sticking to my skin, the rest rolling off onto the table.  My giggles were cut short as Bucky lunged in and began eating me out.  He didn’t hold back, his tongue lapped all around my folds and he plunged two fingers inside me.  Given how recently I’d had pretty full-on sex, I was already overworked and over-sensitive, and I arched up hard and cried out.

No one else seemed particularly interested in doing anything other than watch or help bring me over - and that was not going to take long.

Bucky suckled on my clit and thrust his fingers in and out at a frantic rate.  His fingers hit my g-spot again and again.  I was sent reeling, unable to focus on anything but the pleasure surging through me.  It was added to by Tony and Clint sucking and massaging my breasts, and the other touching and kissing me. 

It was too much.  I couldn’t hold on and my orgasm crashed down on me hard.  I cried out, bucking up and arching violently off the table as I gushed on Bucky.  Lights popped in my eyes and for a moment, I was aware of nothing except that intense endorphin rush.

I flopped back down, breathing heavily and Bucky pulled back. “God damn,” he said.

I moaned, breathing heavily, and waved my hand back and forth.

“You okay there, Mishka?” Natasha asked.

“Uh-huh,” I said.  “No one else gonna come?”

“That was for you,” Bucky said.

“Thank you,” I said in a slight sing-song voice.

Steve came and helped me up, and Bruce helped with my robe.  “Do you want to eat now?” Wanda asked.

“Yes, please,” I said.

“You do that, and we’ll clean up,” Steve said.

“And when you’re done, you can get dressed and we’ll go get the kids,” Sam said.

I beamed at him.  I thought today would be stressful and full of worry, but instead, thanks to my unique family, it had been completely amazing.

~ END ~

[satansapostle6]

The Man Who Sold The World | Luke Castellan

Spotify Playlist Link

Katherine. She was the one who started it all for Luke Castellan, the reason he did what he did.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Violence. Sexual content.

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten: My Destruction

Luke discovered that fucking for seven hours straight does indeed take a lot out of you. Although he and Katherine only got about four or so hours of sleep, they were both still depleted.

“Let’s find someplace to eat. I think we need a huge breakfast after last night,” Katherine suggested.

“I second that,” Luke sighed as he climbed out of the shower, towel around his waist.

“Hurry up before we get started on round two,” she reminded him, pulling up her jeans. “Did you have to bite me?” she questioned, pulling her shirt over the mark.

“Yes,” he assured her before combing through his hair.

“Yeah, that was a trick question.”

Luke threw on the first set of clean clothes he could find, ready to leave.

“We should get moving. We’ve been in one place too long. I got a message about some Chimera thing going on in Baltimore.”

“Alright. We can get breakfast, and be there by tonight,” he thought. “I’ll drive.”

“Fine,” Katherine agreed, “But don’t think this means you get to drive my car all the time.”

Luke grinned as they packed up their things and left.

“I’m getting kinda tired of New York,” Katherine admitted as Luke drove.

“Really?” he questioned.

“Yeah… There’s just so much traffic. You hardly get to do anything.”

“I don’t get to see a whole lot of it,” Luke admitted. “There’s always a quest, or something.”

“You should just leave the camp,” she scoffed. “Live on your own.”

“No, I can’t. Besides. I think we need access to other demigods,” he pointed out.

“Yeah. He wants us to recruit,” Katherine agreed, “Which should be easy. I don’t think there’s anyone the gods haven’t fucked over.”

“Being born to one of them… It’s not the gift you would think it is,” he said, swallowing the pain he carried around with him. “The minute you have a god for a parent, you lose a parent. All of us are ignored our whole lives, until we’re punished when we fail, and just given a pat on the back when we do well.

“And everyone thinks this is just okay, because they’re gods. No one ever stops and says, none of this is okay. Everyone’s a hero, but no one wants to fight the bad guys. Because, like it or not, the bad guys are the ones who leave their kids to the wolves, and use people for entertainment,” he scowled.

“My mother says nothing is fair. That there’s always another shoe,” Katherine chuckled coldly. “But she’s the one who decides what’s fair,” she said softly.

“I remember when I first got to camp,” Luke thought. “I was fourteen. A friend almost died. We prayed and begged to our parents for help. All of us. Our friend, Thalia… she almost died. So Zeus turned her into a tree. Some fucking help. That day, I decided I’d never have to ask them for help again. I never wanted to have to ask anyone for help again.”

“You live on your own long enough, eventually that’s all you can do,” Katherine shrugged.

Breakfast, or lunch, given the time, was eaten very hastily as Katherine and Luke stopped at a restaurant on the way out of the state of New York.

“Hey. I have an idea I wanna run by you,” Luke said out of the blue.

“Hit me,” Katherine said as she ate.

Luke had something of a big question to ask, and despite having gone up against monsters and men with guns, he was still nervous.

“I was thinking, to make things easier for us, maybe you’d wanna… Live at the camp with me?” he invited her. “Full time?”

Immediately, he was already skeptical about her answer. He didn’t take it as a good thing when she initially met the question with silence, just thinking as she chewed.

“Why would I do that?” she asked.

The only response that came to mind for Luke was ‘uh oh’.

“Because… I want you to come with me,” he sighed, hoping this wouldn’t backfire.

“Why?”

He didn’t think this was going well so far.

“Because… I care about you?” he stated at her. “And I think it’d be cool if we could be together more often?” he offered expectantly.

Katherine Montalvo frowned for a moment, trying to come up with a suitable response.

“Luke,” she said, caught off guard.

“Katherine…”

“Let’s talk about this later,” she suggested.

“Why?” he looked at her inquisitively.

“Let’s just… Talk about it later,” she tried again.

“What?” he questioned worriedly, her avoidance putting him on edge. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Really? Cuz it kinda seems like it,” Luke stated. “Do you… not wanna come with me?”

“Come on. You seriously think we’re gonna be ‘girlfriend-boyfriend’?” she asked, laughing nervously as she tried to level.

“I mean… that’s the general idea, yes,” Luke said patiently. “That’s the impression I got.”

He had no idea what the problem was.

“Luke. Come on. This is you and me we’re talking about,” she stated flatly.

“Again. I know,” he stared, blue eyes widened.

“Luke, I like you, very much, but you have to realize there’s no way we can do that. There just isn’t,” Katherine rationalized.

“Why not?” he questioned.

“Because, look at our lifestyle!” she pointed out. “We hunt monsters! You’re gone half the time, I practically drive a new stolen car every month, and we could both be dead next week for all we know!”

“I’m not seeing a problem.”

“We both know our main goal is Kronos. We can’t let things get even more complicated than they already are.”

“How are they complicated?” Luke asked frustratedly.

“Because we both have a lot of shit to do if we’re gonna bring Kronos back, and take over the fucking world!” she exclaimed, not seeing how her point wasn’t coming across. “We can’t afford any distractions.”

“A distraction,” Luke stated, blankly staring at her in disbelief. “That’s what I am to you.”

Katherine looked at him across the table for a moment. Everything began to come together for her as she started to laugh for a second before stopping herself.

“Wow. Sorry. Uh, I didn’t think you were the type to get attached,” she admitted, trying to process.

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘attached’?” he murmured, eyes wide with bewilderment.

“Dude. We fucked. Let’s not get carried away,” she laughed nervously.

Unfortunately, he misconstrued her awkwardness.

“Why are you talking like that all of a sudden?” he asked her, completely flabbergasted.

“Like what? I’m just trying to process what the fuck you just said to me.”

“Why are you being such an asshole?” Luke genuinely asked her.

Katherine gasped, laughing as she tried to contain her progressively escalating reactions. “Why are you being so confrontational?”

“Because you basically tell me you love me, and then we sleep together, and now you’re acting like we’re strangers,” he restated.

“I’m not acting like we’re strangers, you just think that us caring about each other and us sleeping together are relevant to one another, when really, they’re two separate things.”

Luke blinked at her profusely, trying to figure out how to proceed.

“You…” he stopped himself, beginning to feel warmer and warmer in the room. “You’re telling me that your feelings for me are completely platonic?”

Katherine frowned, a begrudging look on her face as she tried to explain. “No, I’m not saying that, I’m just saying, we don’t need to distract ourselves with that stuff.”

“What exactly did you think our relationship would be like?” he asked her angrily.

“Luke, I care about you. A lot. I do. And… I’m not gonna lie, you know what you’re doing when you lift your shirt up to wipe your hand off. But, those two things can’t mix. They just can’t… Things‘ll get messy, and someone will get hurt, physically.

“Love makes people stupid. It makes everyone stupid, no matter how smart they think they are. So I’m just trying to do both of us a favor, by keeping us in check so we both get what we want. It’s not personal. I trust you, with my life, and I have fun with you… You’re like my left hand. But that’s it. That’s all it can be.”

Luke was completely silent, fighting back tears and screams simultaneously.

“Fuck you,” he barely choked out, his eyes darkening as he sat forward, “Fuck you!”

Many heads turned in the restaurant, mostly older couples appalled by the exchange.

“What the fuck did I do?!” Katherine demanded, throwing her hands up.

“You’re such a fucking asshole for pretending like I’m just being stupid!” he thundered. “You’re a completely different person right now, and I hate it! You don’t even sound the same. You sound like a fucking male douchebag.”

“I’m not treating you like you’re stupid, I’m just trying to explain to you how this is better for us.”

“It’s better for us if you treat me like your left hand? Just use me when you get bored in bed, and then that’s it?” Luke scoffed.

Just about everyone was looking now.

“Quit making a scene,” she muttered under her breath.

Luke frowned, a completely deadpan expression on his face as he picked up the butter knife on the table, lightly tossing it at Katherine. She turned her head to avoid it, as it loudly clattered beside her on the ground. Her mouth dropped in disbelief as everyone around them began to stare in concern.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she said through her teeth.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked provocatively.

“You’re acting like a fucking child,” Katherine frowned, “Seriously.”

“I am a child,” he shrugged, fully aware of his own stubbornness.

“You’re eighteen years old.”

“I’m a boy! We don’t mature as fast!”

Katherine frowned as she picked up her own knife, throwing it back at him. He scowled back at her, seeming to accept the challenge. This time, a waitress quietly approached their table, leaning down to avoid making an even bigger scene.

“Guys, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the girl murmured, afraid of their reaction.

“I’m sorry. We’ll leave. Here,” Katherine quickly reached for her wallet, quickly pulling out a hundred-dollar bill and handing it to her. “Keep it.”

“Thank you,” the waitress whispered.

But before she could leave, Luke turned to her, looking irritated.

“Sorry, but we’re not leaving yet.”

Katherine stared daggers at him, fed up with his antics.

“Will you get a fucking grip?”

“Will you act like a person for two fucking seconds?” he said confrontationally.

“Guys,” the twenty-something year old waitress said awkwardly, “Please don’t make me get a manager…”

“I’ll handle it, babe,” Katherine assured her, embarrassed.

“I hate you,” Luke Castellan snarled.

“You think I like you right now?” she snapped back.

Both of their attention was diverted to an older woman, who must’ve been the manager.

“Excuse me, but you’ve been asked twice now to leave. If you both don’t leave the restaurant right now, we’re going to have to call the police,” she informed them, matter-of-fact.

“Oh. You want me to give you a reason to call them?” Luke asked, standing up as he drew his sword.

Katherine’s eyes widened with rage as he unsheathed his double-edged sword he’d named Backbiter, made of both Celestial bronze and steel. At the very least, Katherine remembered the mortals around them would be protected from the sight of the demigod weapon by the Mist.

“Kelsey, call 911,” the manager breathed, as everyone in the room slowly began to panic more and more.

“Luke! Don’t be a show-off!” Katherine barked.

“You don’t tell me what to do, Katherine,” he argued obstinately.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! This is what we’re doing now?”

They both completely ignored everything happening around them, as many restaurant patrons had already begun to pay their checks and leave before things got any worse. The entire restaurant staff was now focused on evacuating the restaurant, no longer concerned with speaking to Luke and Katherine at all.

“Well, you don’t wanna talk about us, so I guess there’s nothing left to talk about!” Luke smiled coldly, punching out an older guy who tried to take him out.

He hardly had to take his eyes off of her to do so. There was running and screaming all around them now; it was absolute chaos. Katherine knew that the police were already on their way, if not approaching, and she needed to get Luke to disappear with her as soon as possible.

“You’re being insane! This is not how we’re dealing with this. Get in the car, before you get us arrested.”

“‘Us’? There’s an ‘us’ now?” he crossed his arms.

“You know, I really dodged a fucking bullet,” Katherine Montalvo muttered, drawing her sword as she looked around carefully.

“Bullshit. You care about me,” he insisted, his eyes burning with anger as he looked at her.

Only once had she ever seen Luke that angry. The only time he’d ever come close to looking at her that way was when they fought about the deal she’d made with Ares, but even then, he’d had sympathy in his eyes. But this time, there was nothing but rage. Katherine knew she may as well have been Hermes.

“You care about me! You love me! You just don’t want to admit it. Because you think if you admit, I’ll stop doing what you say!” he yelled at her.

Instinctively, Katherine knew the right thing to do in that situation was to tell him that wasn’t true in order to plead with him to come with her, but in these moment, she couldn’t exactly comfort him.

“You think that if you lose the ‘I love you’ card, you won’t have any leverage over me!” Luke roared, tears falling from his eyes as he yelled at her. “But that’s not true!” he growled, his eyes reddening as veins seemed to be popping out of his head.

Katherine looked at him with cold, dead eyes as she tried to find something good in her, anything good.

“I will never be on anyone’s side but yours!” he screamed at her with resentment. “I don’t care about anyone else anymore. Not my mom, not the camp, not Kronos! It’s all about you! I’d kill for you, die for you, it doesn’t matter! As long as I’m by your side, I don’t care,” he sobbed.

Katherine bit her lip, looking down at the ground as the sirens outside grew louder and louder.

“You took everything from me! You took who I am, you took what I care about…! I don’t care about anyone who isn’t you. I’m in love with you, Katherine,” he breathed, his blue eyes wide with hurt. “I don’t know why, but I love you. And it consumes me, it’s made me into someone I don’t recognize! I’m a monster, because loving you has made me into a monster!” Luke roared, as the doors burst open.

At least six police officers burst into the room, yelling loudly as Luke tried to yell louder.

“Both of you! Put your hands above your head!”

Katherine’s head whipped around as she looked back at Luke, who still held Backbiter in his hand.

“I thought I’d end up dying for Kronos, but that’s not— That’s not true anymore. I don’t care about anything else anymore. Not the way I care about you. I’m gonna die for you,” Luke thundered. “I don’t care if it’s ten years from now, or today, but I wanna die for you!”

“Luke, no!” Katherine gasped, desperately flicking the cap off her lipstick tube to reveal her own spear.

“Drop your weapons, or we’ll shoot!”

Luke silently looked between the surrounding police officers and Katherine, already sure of what he wanted to do. Katherine looked into his eyes, expecting her expression to be full of anger and spite. But instead, she just pleaded silently, her dark eyes wide as she faced the danger like a deer in headlights.

The daughter of Nemesis and the son of Hermes stood tall as the police officers aimed guns at them, spraying them with a hail of bullets as they desperately slashed at them, fighting for their lives.

-

Chapter Eleven

[marisol-holme]

The retired good girl's guide to writing

Little Pigeon Stubby Steps

I remember my casual interview with the Ideas Foundation like it was yesterday. My hair was still long, and I chose to wear a smart sky-blue collared shirt for the zoom call. I hadn’t been able to eat because I was so nervous. I wasn’t nervous for the interview itself, normally I’m quite confident going into them, I was nervous because I didn’t want to let Heather down. 

Heather, my friend, mentor, landlady and now interviewer had recommended I apply for the role. She’d spotted me drinking wine and smoking cigarettes in the corner of her garden, like some washed up dejected moron. I’d told her I’d been applying to jobs, but I wasn’t very successful. Truth be told, the constant rejection took its toll and probably looked quite sad from outside myself. The number of times I’d check my emails when I parked in the driveway and ended up crying was… embarrassingly high. I was bummed out and I think my vibes were bumming Heather out so much that she offered to look at my CV and give me some pointers. CV spruced up, I applied for a Marketing and Events Executive role with the Ideas Foundation.

I was interviewed by Heather, Helen, and Joe. Three people was a little nerve wrecking, I’m not too arrogant to admit, but I answered all their questions well and felt confident. I’ve always been good at thinking fast on my feet and my general knowledge isn’t too bad. I think it’s stupid to be judged on those merits though, there are a whole host of brilliant people out there that might not be too ‘sharp’ initially or be nervous or whatever. I remember trailing off at the end of the interview in a depressed sort of fashion and hoped they hadn’t noticed. I was quite tired, and I’d sweated through my shirt. I don’t think I’d even showered. I was glad that it was over zoom. I was giving depressed. They hadn’t got back to me with an offer before I handed in my notice at the nursery. My limbs had been feeling like lead for a while now, and I was sleeping on bean bags or in my car on lunch breaks. I could barely move around with the same energy. I felt bad for the kids that I was trying to educate. I don’t think they noticed but their parents certainly did. 

I was always open with the parents, professionally of course, but I told the truth. Maybe my unwillingness to turn a blind eye to the total extortion that was going on made me feel depressed. I hadn’t signed an NDA, so I had no obligation to the company whatsoever. The company that allowed their employees to take work home to complete… unpaid. It has probably changed now. I hope it has. The colleagues I had didn’t deserve all that. Maybe that makes me a dick to cast pity over them, or maybe its a residual depressive perspective, but my god was it a sorry state of affairs. 

My new job came through and I was to be paid about three grand more to do something, in my eyes, that was far less physically and mentally demanding than childcare. The job description was varied, and I had a lot to learn. John taught me how to use WordPress, which has proved to be very handy, and the basics of SEO management; Joe taught me how to coordinate and execute and event – this was very nerve wrecking for me and not something that I enjoyed; Marie taught me the academic backing for PR and article writing; I had to use my own initiative to figure stuff out, which I enjoy. Helen and her sister, Charlotte, taught me a lot about comms, although I’m not entirely sure that I know what comms is still. Throw in some decent knowledge about HubSpot, email marketing, social media management, scheduling tools, blah blah blah and I learnt quite a lot. But mostly I enjoyed writing the articles. Helen had to reign me in a few times as I’d get a too political for a nonpolitical organisation. I am political. 

I’d also started watching Sex in the City after work, having recently come out of a viewing slump that meant I was rewatching the same three shows constantly (Russian Doll, Bojack Horseman, The Queen’s Gambit). I love Sex in the City. I find it funny. I think for the current societal climate and post #metoo movement, it’s aged kind of badly. But, take it with a pinch of salt, read it as a satire, understand what it did for women in the 90s, and it’s a damn decent show. The characters are real and flawed, never able to pass the Bechdel test, and honestly, a great laugh. It took me a while to realise that I really liked Sarah Jessica-Parker’s character, Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie is insensitive to her friends, most of the time, obsessed with Mr Big, and writes a sex column. Oh, how I admire her.

Turns out, a lot of women hate her character. I mean, she is kind of annoying, but I think Carrie’s behaviour is quite synonymous with what misogyny looks like in women, and women do not like to think that they might be perpetrators of misogyny because, then they would be no better than a misogynistic man. I hold my hands up, I’ve got plenty of internalised misogyny swirling around my brain, I’m not ashamed of it, I’m actively trying to deconstruct it. But like homophobia and racism, if you can’t accept you might be afflicted by these structurally oppressive thoughts and behaviours, then you’ll never be a part of fixing them. A slight tangent but an important one. 

Anyway, I admire Carrie, her career, and her fashion. I allow myself now to browse Vinted and buy some cute clothes, to experiment with my style a little more. It was something that I forced my partner to watch, and I think he did secretly enjoy it too, even if the script is unbearable. Mostly, the show allowed me to feel okay with where I am at in life. I’m 24 years old, living independently, in a healthy relationship, employed and learning to love myself. I think that constitutes as doing more than okay. 

Then, before I knew it, my tenure at the Ideas Foundation finished abruptly. Well, I kind of knew it was coming because the charity wasn’t so hotly funded, and with looming elections literally everywhere, all the big corporations and brands were clinging onto their cash. Very generous of them! 

This was my first redundancy. I felt pretty okay with it. I actually felt sort of relieved. I’d been daydreaming about finding a job in a magazine for a while, so I felt bad only because I thought I’d manifested the early end to my contract. With hindsight, I probably should have communicated this to my work, but rejection is redirection whether it is intended to sting, or not.

[olddirtybadfic]

Invasion: Circe's Bedside Manner Could Use Some Work (Part three of three)

The sound of the Tombstone of Life and Death being abused booms in the distance. Teen!me seems to have thought this an adequate end for the fic. Adult!me knows otherwise.

Part one is here. Part two is here.

Content Warning: Rape/noncon mention and aftermath; character assassination of Buzz Grunt; mpreg and hermaphroditism being normal for Sims; depiction of the Beaker household as not being a den of unethical experimentation; Loki and Nervous are apparently adoptive brothers in this; Loki has feelings about his parentage; pretty sure Circe convincing Loki to keep the rape baby was a bad idea; attempt at depicting trauma responses; giving Vidcund a past anorexia issue sure was a choice that I made

-O-o-O-o-O-

Pascal absentmindedly stirred the chili for lunch. It was looking a little black on the edges, but that was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment.

“Nervous seemed rather irritable today. If there’s something on his mind, why doesn’t he just tell me what it is?”

Pascal was brought back to reality by the smell of burning food. He looked down. “Just perfect.”

His brothers didn’t seem to mind. Lazlo still shoveled the charred food into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in a week.

“Slow down; you’ll choke,” Pascal deadpanned. Manners were lost on that boy.

Vidcund only picked at his food, but not because it was burnt. He’d been awfully quiet since the night before and he hadn’t said a word since lunch was served.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Lazlo asked.

“Not particularly,” Vidcund responded, scraping his spoon across the blackened mess.

“Vidcund, you skipped breakfast. You need to eat sometime,” Pascal prodded, not sure if the lack of cooking skill or something else killed Vidcund’s appetite.

Vidcund absently scooped up a spoonful of chili and ate it. Pascal stared, incredulous, while Lazlo looked amused.

“It doesn’t bother you that it’s burnt?”

“Hadn’t noticed.”

Eventually Vidcund did notice it was burnt and both he and Pascal had to excuse themselves, leaving Lazlo to dig into the leftovers.

Pascal pulled Vidcund into their plant room. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t it be?” Vidcund’s voice sounded miles away.

“You’re spacey, quiet, and lacking an appetite,” Pascal noted. “You’re not starving yourself again, are you?”

“No.” This time, Vidcund’s voice was in Pascal’s face and firm. He didn’t like to be reminded of his short bout of anorexia.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Vidcund looked at the floor.

“Nervous won’t tell me what’s bothering him, you won’t tell me why you’re upset. How am I supposed to do my oldest brother job of fixing everything if I don’t know what’s going on?”

“I don’t think this can be fixed, Pascal,” Vidcund answered quietly.

“But I can at least try to make you feel better.”

Vidcund sighed. “Last night, I was looking at the stars. I wasn’t trying to look at what other people were doing, really, but I made a mistake in re-angling the telescope and I could see into this alleyway, and….” He trailed off.

“What did you see?” Pascal prompted.

Vidcund wouldn’t look at Pascal as he continued. “Buzz was standing over Loki, and….and Loki was tied up with his pants pulled down. Buzz was over him with his pants down….”

Pascal was speechless. “This must’ve been what Nervous was so upset about. I’m not too fond of Loki, but he sure as hell didn’t deserve that.”

“I want to tell the police, but what if Loki doesn’t want anyone to know? Even if I did tell them, Buzz would get basically a slap on the wrist and that’s it. Plus, he’d come after Loki and Nervous, and maybe even us.”

Pascal had barely regained his speech. So all he said was, “Why don’t we talk more later?”

Vidcund had no choice but to agree.

-O-o-O-

Circe was cooking dinner. Like, Pascal, she was preoccupied, but not so much that she burned the food. Usually Loki would cook, but he deserved a break, especially after what just happened.

Loki scrubbed away at the shower tiles. He’d been cleaning all evening and he barely noticed when it began to get dark. He didn’t care. Just as long as it helped him forget the encounter with Buzz, he didn’t care how long he took. The rhythmic squeak of the sponge on the tiles was the only thing keeping Loki from collapsing into tears.

He was always too busy to clean. In actuality, Loki loved cleaning. But now it seemed as thought cleaning was relegated to the “only for comfort” category. Considering how behind he was on it, he’d have a lot of comfort.

“As long as I keep busy,” Loki thought, “I’ll be fine. It worked for my father’s death; it’ll work now.”

He was so lost in thought, he barely heard Circe calling him for dinner.

Circe was setting the bowls of chili on the table when Loki came in. At first, she was glad that he seemed less distressed, but he didn’t seem much better than he’d been that afternoon. When she really thought about it, he seemed worse. It didn’t help that he was even paler than usual.

Loki wandered into the kitchen, his mind on autopilot. He wasn’t that hungry—actually, he’d felt a slight twinge of nausea earlier. But he had to eat, and Circe had actually cooked. She could’ve just ordered out.

Loki managed to whisper a thanks to Circe before they both sat down to eat. Nervous wouldn’t be joining them; he’d gotten dinner earlier then retired to his room for the night.

The meal began, but they hardly ate. Circe nibbled on hers, realizing she’d forgotten the chili powder. Though, judging by Loki’s interactions with his food, that was probably a good thing.

Loki was only picking at his food. Circe figured he must not be very hungry, what with all that had gone on. But then, the little color left in Loki’s face drained away and he ran from the room, covering his mouth.

She found him in the downstairs bathroom, wiping his mouth with toilet paper.

“Was it that bad?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Loki leaned his head on the toilet. “It was fine, Circe. I’m just not feeling very well right now. It’s probably just from breathing in those cleaning chemicals for so long.”

Circe sighed. This was really not Loki’s week, was it. “Okay, but you have to eat something. I think there are crackers in the pantry—”

Loki scrambled to lift the lid and threw up into the toilet again.

“Or I could just not talk about food anymore.”

Loki wiped his mouth. “I’m not really very hungry, anyway. I probably just need to get some sleep. I’m sure I’ll be better in the morning.”

-O-o-O-

That night, the Beakers slept a lot better, having figured out how to keep Loki from screaming himself awake. Circe and Loki lay cuddled up to each other, Circe, relieved that Loki wasn’t afraid of her touching him, and Loki, hoping that this was a sign of him beginning to heal.

Morning found Circe alone in bed, the covers on Loki’s side tossed haphazardly to the side.

A quiet sniffle from the master bathroom informed her of his whereabouts. She found Loki poised over the toilet, throwing up. She knelt next to him while he wiped his mouth.

“So I was wrong last night,” Loki said quietly, flushing the toilet.

“Maybe you should stay away from those cleaning products today,” Circe suggested. “Although, I’ve never seen anyone get sick from being around those particular cleaning products for too long unless there were huffing them.”

“They don’t even have ammonia in them.”

Circe thought for a minute. “Come to think of it,” she said quietly, “ I don’t think it’s the cleaning products that are making you sick.”

Loki remained silent. His eyes slowly met Circe’s, then both pairs wandered to the medicine cabinet where the box of pregnancy tests were kept.

“You don’t think…” Loki trailed off.

“I’ve seen the symptoms before. It wouldn’t hurt to try it.”

So Circe averted her gaze while Loki peed on the plastic stick. Then they waited for the results. One line meant negative, two lines meant positive.

There was much twiddling of thumbs and nervous shifting as the two waited the obligatory two minutes for the results. Finally, at the end of the two minutes, they looked at the result window and saw two blue lines.

Circe ran her hand through her red hair. “Okay….Let’s not panic. This isn’t the end of the world.”

Loki hid his face in his arms. “I cannot believe I’m pregnant by him.”

“Maybe it’s a false positive,” Circe said. “These tests aren’t always accurate, unless they’re those new Tombstone brand ones. Let me see the box.”

Circe picked up the box from where it had been casually tossed under the toilet and examined it. Sure enough, the cartoon of the Grim Reaper stating “Dead right!” was printed on the side, along with the tombstone logo. She let out a breath. “So it is true. Well….You still have a few options.”

“I don’t want it.”

“You haven’t even heard—”

“I don’t care. I don’t want it.”

“You’ve always said you wanted a child.”

“Not like this! This wouldn’t be our child; it’d be Buzz’s and my child.” Loki got up to go to the bedroom.

“We could raise it as ours.”

Loki turned to face Circe. “What do you think the kid’s going to think when he realizes he looks nothing like you? He’s going to ask us who his real parents are and we’re going to have to tell him that the only reason he’s here is because I got raped!”

Circe was silent. Loki didn’t yell like this often.

“Do you know what it’s like to know that you were an accident?” Loki continued much more quietly.

“Loki, your mother was drunk when she told you that. It means nothing.”

“She may have been drunk, but it’s true. I did the math. She and my father married just a mere five months before I was born. No one in their right mind plans to get that far along before they get married. My father was the one who got pregnant and he couldn’t abort me, so he and my mother had to get married.” Loki sniffed. “I would never want my child to have any reason to even suspect such a thing.”

Circe slowly approached Loki. “But there’s something you haven’t factored in.”

“What?”

“We would never act as though we didn’t want the child. Your father kept it together, but your mother…From what you’ve told me, she wasn’t that nice to you. Add the fact that she drank a lot and you’ve got a formula for trouble. But you’re not your mother, Loki.” Circe put her arms around Loki. “I’m not saying you should keep the baby if you don’t want it. I’m saying that if you do, you won’t mess it up.”

Loki thought for a while, staring at the ground. “In any other situation, I would abort it….But we’ve wanted a child since the second year of our marriage. And it’s not just Buzz’s child; it’s mine, too. And it will be yours as well.”

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: If your husband (or wife) gets raped by the neighborhood alien-hating bully, just let him have the abortion.

[bornforastorm]

okay marley beat me to number 8 but let the record reflect i also wanted to read about number 8.

#16 because i love the idea of a ham/perry hookup

#19 ohohohohoho~ #39 ohohohohoho (nervous)

ooohhohoho okeeyyyy

first of all: a DIFFERENT part of mash 3, just for you my dear friend:

At the 4077th he’d said he planned to go into family medicine, like his dad. Repeat customers, scraped knees, the odd bad tonsil. No more being wrist deep in guts. He hadn’t thought about what it might mean to this community to have a good cutter practicing. Appendixes, broken bones, gallbladder infections. He could really do some good here as a surgeon. 

He thinks it over on his damp walk home, carrying his bag of liquor up in his arms.

The guys at the university hospital in Spruce Harbor are okay, as he recalls— except for Goofus, who runs things. But none of them are really specialists. None of them know how to replace a valve or patch a bowel. They send people to Boston. Boston is too far away, and too expensive, for most of the folks in Crabapple Cove. 

Maybe it would be good to get back to the kind of doctoring he knows how to do so well. The thing he really does.

Just not quite yet. 

Not while the sight of blood still makes him mildly queasy and numb. Before he was drafted, he had just started working at the university hospital in Spruce Harbor, and even then he’d found it depressingly backwater after med school in New York and residency in Chicago. What a waste of his talents, he’d thought then, to be stuck in small town Maine. So even though he’d bought a house and started his career, he’d always intended to get back to the big city, to the heat of it. But he hadn’t done a single surgery before he’d been forced to leave for Korea. 

He doesn’t know if surgery in Spruce Harbor would make him any less sick than it did in Korea. Worse, he doesn’t know if surgery in Spruce Harbor would bore him. 

It’s something to think about. 

Back home, he stops thinking about it. He eats lunch, takes a nap, and cracks open the bottle of scotch. It remains raining for the whole day and then some, soaking everything to the bone. Hawkeye sits in the armchair in the living room, warm and dry, and tries not to think about how wet and miserable he’d be with rain like this in Korea. They didn’t call it the Swamp for nothing. It flooded. 

It’s still raining when a knock at the front door rouses him from his reveries— and from the buzz of too much scotch. He wanders to the front of the house, taking his time. Anybody fool enough to be out in this downpour deserves to get wet, he thinks sourly. He’s in his robe and his socks and doesn’t think for a second of getting dressed before opening the door. 

Opening the door shuts his brain down. 

It’s Trapper out there, soaked through with his hair plastered to his forehead, breathing hard, spewing water with every huffed breath. He looks tired, sure, but that’s familiar enough. Seeing him now, in slacks and a blue shirt clinging to his chest, Hawkeye realizes he’s never really seen Trapper in civilian clothes. Not like this. This is miles away from hawaiian shirts in Tokyo. 

Hawkeye looks at him all over, noting familiar things. His watch, for example. The chain that shows under his shirt, like maybe he’s still wearing his tags. 

Hawkeye breathes, “John?” 

“Hawk.” The way Trapper wraps around that word is enough to wreck a man. 

Hawkeye’s brain starts back up with a grinding of gears. Trapper is here. Here on his doorstep. Wet from soaking rain, no umbrella. He ran through the rain to be here. 

“Isn’t this a little cliche?” 

16 pete n' ham: “Ham,” Perry moans, “christ.” 

He should have known that a little affection and Perry would cave. That all it would take would be a few kind words and a soft touch, and next thing you know he had Perry in his lap. It’s ungainly, it’s awkward, Perry still has one leg reaching down to brace on the floor. But his body is awfully close to Hamilton’s, and his hands are on his collarbone and in his hair. 

Slowly, Hamilton starts to undo Perry’s buttons. One at a time. Perry shudders. He curves inwards, which puts his face dangerously close. So Ham kisses him. Catches his mouth before Perry can move away. A noise like a gasp comes from Perry, and Ham rolls them, moving Perry so he’s flat on his back on the sofa. Perry’s hand against Hamilton’s collarbone tightens in his shirt and pulls him close again, kissing him hungrily. His mouth is warm, and wet, and sweet with bourbon, and Hamilton licks it up. 

He wants so much from Perry Mason, unfortunately. Certainly this will complicate their working relationship. But it seems so unimportant now, when Perry is panting under him and struggling with Ham’s suspenders while Hamilton nimbly unbuckles his belt. 

“What do you want, Mason?” Hamilton purrs.

“I, uh-- I want... “ He swallows hard as Ham puts a hand down his trousers and grabs. “Oh christ, I don’t know. I don’t know. I want… I want whatever you want.” 

His voice is shaking. He means it, if the hardness under Ham’s palm is anything to go by. But there’s something else too. Something that might be panic, or… simple insecurity.

Ham softens. “Do you know what the options are, Perry?” Perry shrugs and shakes his head and nods all at once. It’s funny. “I’ll go easy on you.” 

Perry nods and swallows again. 

“Kick off your shoes. We’ll do it right.” Perry does as he’s told. Hamilton carefully peels off the rest of his clothes, taking his time brushing sleeves down arms and pushing up his undershirt over his stomach. He peppers Perry with light, teasing kisses. One on that tattoo on his bicep. One on the scar on his chest. One carefully placed just below his belly button. That one causes Perry to shudder. How satisfying. 

Hamilton pauses to take off his own shirt and to wriggle out of his trousers with as much grace as he can muster. Perry’s hands linger over his shoulders, then tentatively find a hold on Hamilton’s upper thighs as Ham clambers over him again.

“Oh god,” Perry moans, his back arching. His hand on Ham’s shoulder tightens. Ham continues his ministrations, stroking firmly, mouthing at the corner of Perry’s jaw. He can feel Perry’s heartbeat in his throat. 

Then Perry says the wrong name as he comes. 

Christ, Hamilton thinks, has there ever been a sadder man than Perry Mason? Can’t even fuck a guy without it being a tragedy.

19. Blackmail (I think this is probably not what you hoped): Perry spots it right away as they sift through the pictures. Paul and Della are scanning through for themselves, for Hamilton, for anyone they know personally. They don’t pick out the picture of Pete. Perry does. 

Because it’s also a picture of him. This is blackmail fodder against him. This picture of Pete and him having dinner at some dive, Perry can barely remember which. They’re sitting shoulder to shoulder at the rail of the patio, half finished meals in front of them, a few too many empty glasses shining with lingering droplets of whiskey. Perry is smiling, which is more than could be said of him in the other pictures. He’s smiling and loose and Perry isn’t sure if he’s ever seen himself this way. He rarely feels like the man in the picture looks. The man in the picture is a stranger to him. A happy stranger. A comfortable stranger.

Pete meanwhile is leaning against the rail with his chin propped up on one hand. He’s looking at Perry with complete attention, and god… the look on his face. Soft and sweet as syrup. Even though he’s not the focus of the picture, and his face is a little hazy, Perry can see his expression and it strikes like lightning. 

Perry can’t for the life of him remember where they were when this was taken, or when. But he remembers what they were talking about. King Kong, that godforsaken movie. Perry had taken Teddy to disastrous results, and Pete had taken his oldest boy, and of course they’d loved it. Perry can almost figure exactly when this picture was taken. He’d been complaining about the violence, the animals fighting each other, the blood, and Perry not quite able to figure out how they’d done it.

“It’s animated,” Pete said to him with amusement, half a laugh behind his patient explanation. Dumb ol’ Perry, at it again. “They move the figures and film it and then speed it up.”

“I guess.” Perry frowned. He understood technically, but it didn’t soothe him at all. It’s not that it was all that realistic exactly— he’d seen apes and lizards in a zoo in London after the war— but it was horrible. It scared him, right in his guts. 

Pete clearly was not so affected. “It’s like playing with dolls.” 

Perry had shaken his head. “It’s not like dolls. Did you ever play that violently with dolls?” 

“Sure,” Pete shrugged. “When I wasn’t making them screw each other.” 

And Perry had laughed and smiled and looked away, and Pete had put his chin in his hand. 

And the photo was taken.

Perry has, of course, never seen the pair of them from an outside perspective. He doesn’t even think he has a picture of Pete anywhere in his life. It seems shocking now, to realize it. Pete exists in his life without evidence. No photographs, no letters. Nothing but this right now. This picture of Pete looking at him with such warmth, such gentleness, such allowance. 

Christ, Perry thinks. This is how he looks at me? Is that how I look at him? 

39 stare wares (remind me to just send you this whole google doc actually bc I will never publish this thing anywhere but I do think the bones of it aren't bad):

Weeks pass, and Finn stays unconscious, and Poe's headaches return with a vengeance. The first headache had been after a night of drinking with Snap and Jess, and so he hadn’t thought about it as anything more than a particularly bad hangover. But when it stays, when it gets worse, he curses it as whatever illness or whatever he had after Jakku. A returning something that won’t let him rest. Sometimes the headaches are hardly more than a throb and he can handle them with pain capsules and a lot of water, but sometimes they're nearly incapacitating. He can't fly when they're that bad. He can hardly get out of bed. He talks to the medics while he’s visiting Finn, and they do tests, but they aren't sure what's wrong. They give him pain tablets and tell him to drink lots of water, which he’s already doing. But eventually, nothing helps. When they’re as bad as they can be, he goes to bed. And when his headaches are bad, his nightmares are worse. Darkness, pain, the screeching howl of Tie fighters, the smell of smoke and ozone. And something dark and looming, a ghoul who is always present, digging digging digging into his head. It’s terrible, but then the nightmares pass and his headaches lessen, and he gets back to work. 

Maybe, he thinks, this is a side effect of First Order torture. Some injury from all the beatings and injections that have left his head in bad shape. His bruises aren’t healing as quickly as they used to, or as quickly as they should. These things are probably related, he tells himself. They must be.

“Poe!” A voice hollers from across the hangar. “Poe!” 

It takes him a moment to find the source, but then he does and it’s Finn. Finn! Out of medical and awake and most importantly, running toward him at full speed. This is so much more than he had ever expected. Up and walking already--

“Finn!” 

“Poe! Poe Dameron!” 

Finn crashes into him with a bruising hug. Poe thinks for a moment that he might explode for joy, it's so good to see Finn again. But then his head gives a miserable ache. The bruise at his temple from their first meeting hasn't even faded yet. He tries to brush the pain away, because Finn is here. He's here and he's alive and awake and on his feet, and they're both laughing. 

And then Finn is holding his elbows with his big warm hands, and looking at Poe like he's never seen anything better. 

"Finn--" He doesn't get any more words out because Finn is kissing him. It's sloppy and unpracticed, but passionate and true. Poe's heart skips nearly out of his chest.

“I’m so glad you’re alright!” Finn says, then kisses him again. “I’m so glad to see you!” His head stabs then and without thinking, he pushes Finn away. The look on Finn's face nearly breaks his heart.

"I'm sorry, Poe, I, uh--" Finn lowers his head.

"No, Finn, it's not that. I--" Poe forces a smile, running a hand through his hair. "That was great. It's just..." His head. His splitting headache... He can't think. He can't. "It's just that..." And Finn is so young. He doesn't know what he wants. He can't. Poe was just the first person he came across. It can't be real. He’s not good enough for Finn. "You don't know what you want. I don't..." And meanwhile Poe can't breathe. His head hurts too badly, and his stomach is doing flips that don't feel like the good flips he usually gets around Finn. "I don't want you to feel obligated."

He's dizzy. When he looks at Finn, he can see his furrowed brow. Hurt maybe, or confused, or worried... Usually Poe is good at reading expressions, but now he feels like he can hardly see, let alone do anything else. Everything seems far away. 

"Obligated?" 

"Like you have to... or... I mean there are lots of other people out there." Is he sweating? He feels hot, too hot. 

"Poe..."

But he can't hear whatever Finn says next because of his head. It's screaming at him. He can hear himself screaming. He's not sure what's happening. His mouth tastes like blood again. There's a hand on his arm, and he can only barely see it. The edges of his vision get dark.

"Finn." He wants to grab onto Finn and never let go. It feels like the only thing that will keep him from shattering into a million pieces. The screaming gets louder, and under the screaming Poe can hear something else. Something worse. What is it? "Finn, I--" His body rebels and he pitches over, his knees collapsing. Maybe the screams are coming out of him now. His head is cracking open. With the screaming outside of him, his insides are full of the worse sound. It's the rasping breath of Kylo Ren. Inside him. The breath and his growl of a voice. Asking him, prying from him, digging around inside him until he doesn't know himself any more. Until all he can do is scream.

It's that demon of the First Order. He never really escaped. There's still a hold on him, and now it's killing him. 

[thesilentmedium]

End Of The Line || Jonas & Lil

TIMING : Early March

LOCATION:  A dusty motel

PARTIES:  @thesilentmedium & @the-lil-exorcist

SUMMARY: Lil and Jonas find out some unfortunate news

CONTENT WARNINGS:  Emotional Abuse, Parental & sibling death

It wasn’t news to anyone that Lil was on edge, ever since she and Jonas first met the Barghest who she reminded herself quickly was named Blue. It wasn’t the ghost dog's fault really, in fact she seemed quite attached to Jonas. It just felt like she was on the edge of some big catastrophe - which to be fair was exactly what a barghest meant. Something bad was going to happen. She knew something bad was going to happen.

So, trying to seem at ease she’d pulled into a hotel that they’d decided on at lunch, her hand tapping on the steering wheel to the song playing. Although they usually would stay in one place - sometimes even for weeks, Lil hadn’t wanted to stay in one place for very long. Maybe it was the idea that if they kept moving that whatever feeling that seemed to be on the horizon couldn’t catch them. If she was being honest - it might also explain why she kept moving them closer and closer to the east coast too. It was something more akin to an instinct then something she could rationally explain. Maybe it was because she was missing something. Thinking for a moment her thoughts snapped to the rest of their family.

Fuck. She had forgotten that -

Turning off the car Lil paused for a moment, trying to remember when their dad had called last. Has it been a week already? That couldn’t have been right. He usually bugged her every other day with jobs. A moment of panic filled her as she tried to remember the last time their mom had called her - being more worried about Blue and what that could mean she hadn’t been keeping track of her days like she normally did. Still she tried to hide it with a smile to her Jonas as she took off her seat belt trying to steady her shaking hands as she realized that a harbinger didn’t necessarily mean it was the two of them that were going to suffer.

“I can go key if you want to stretch your legs and walk Blue, ” Lil signed with a small nod to Jonas turning to face him pointing lightly to Blue, who she could almost forget about when she didn’t see her. She didn’t want to worry Jonas, and figured that she was actually wrong about the last time their dad called. She just needed to make it seem not as panic-inducing as she felt. “We can go get something to eat after. I also - I think I should call dad. So it might be a minute.”

—

Jonas had his hand against the speaker, feeling the vibrations from the song Lil had been playing as they pulled up to yet another motel. It was obvious Lil had been anxious ever since they met Blue, the dog wasn’t exactly a good omen and even he had been stressed since meeting her. The dog ended up following them for about a week before Jonas decided to make a pact with her. It was strange having a symbol of misfortune attached to you but Blue was so kind and protective of the two that he couldn’t leave her alone. It was his first and only pact. The dog was bunched up in the back, being the size of a polar bear leading to her barely fitting comfortably curled in on herself, head perking up when the car came to a stop.

They both looked to Lil as she started singing, Jonas’ focusing his gaze on her hands taking in what she was saying. He’d been doing this for years now so it was easy enough though the fact her hands were a little shaky gave away her nerves. He couldn’t blame her though, he was just as nervous, the last message they’d received from their dad didn’t even go to Lil like it normally did, he had received it and it had been kind telling Jonas that he was proud of him after all, which was very abnormal for a father who normally preferred to pretend Jonas didn’t exist.

He reached over and gently took Lil’s hand, his words coming out awkwardly and a little slurred, “It’s going to be okay Lil, we’ll figure it out.” He let go so he could sign the rest of what he wanted to say, “Go ahead and call dad, if he doesn’t pick up we can try one of our siblings. Someone will know what’s going on.” Someone had to, a Ballard didn’t just disappear for no reason.

After reassuring Lil, Jonas slipped out of the car, opening the back door for Blue to join him outside. Normally he didn’t venture far from the car or the motel at night, it was just more dangerous not being able to see thing when your hearing was already gone, but Blue was here now and would keep him safe so he went a little further out to the trees that surrounded the motel, giving Lil the space she needed and Blue the opportunity to stretch.

—

Lil had paused for a moment hearing Jonas’s voice realizing that her attempt to be calm and collected had failed, yet again. Usually she was pretty good at it - getting people to calm down during exorcisms with a smile and laugh- but that never seemed to translate to Jonas. So she nodded and signed a quick thank you, getting out of the car herself.

Lil watched for a moment watching Blue trailing behind Jonas. She was still getting used to her - especially how big she was and the fact Lil couldn’t hear her. It was - disconcerting in a way that ghosts always were for her. Still, she seemed protective over Jonas, and while they were harbingers they didn’t cause the harm themselves.

Quickly going to grab a key for a room for the night Lil was soon scrolling through her phone hitting their dad’s number. She’d never bothered to save him as a contact, annoyed by the tacit connection but he was nevertheless one of the highest in her call logs.

She expected to hear Jacob, maybe him being at least a little pleased she called him first in this stand up they were having. Instead she heard a dial tone. In a moment she felt a sense of doom she wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with. Although she tried to never call him first, anytime she had Jacob Ballard had answered her. “Hey - Dad, if you get this call me back.” Lil said unsure now that she’d gotten the dial tone trying to steady. She had assumed that he’d known that she’d been pissed at his cryptic message to Jonas and had left them alone - she didn’t think he wouldn’t answer.

Still, Lil tried not to panic, her thumb going down to their oldest sibling and hitting their number. She stilled again when she reached the dial tone for them too. Eyes wide she hit the next sibling, getting the same result as she tried to stop panicking. “Hey - this isn’t funny. Call me back.” Lil said her voice getting higher with stress as she started twirling her ring. “I’m calling mom next and she’s going to be mad at all of you.” She went to touch the contact for their mom - wondering lightly if June would answer and dreading if she didn’t.

Still her finger tapped the button, and Lil held her breath listening to the dial tone when she heard a click on the line, “Mama - thank God. Are you all okay -”

__

Jonas paused at the woods and Blue came up behind him, turning her head to stare at Lil as she dipped inside the motel. He understood from how the large beast watched her that whatever Lil found out on that phone call wouldn’t be good news. Jonas shuffled and buried his face into

the thick fur of Blue’s neck, earning a low whine and a big head to come press against him. She reached his chin without standing up on her hind legs making the nuzzling rather easy. They were meant to be stretching their legs but Jonas just held onto his new companion for a while longer before moving back towards the car.

Jonas stopped when he saw Lil on the phone. He was facing her back so couldn’t see what she was saying but Blue’s stare got more intense. He fished his own phone out of the car and pulled up door dash before moving in front of Lil. “Did you reach someone Lil?” He was doing his best to read her lips without being too rude about it. “Mom?” That was good news if they reached June, she was normally the center of the family and would know what’s going on if anything was at all.

A barghest could mean anything was going to happen, maybe the room they were about to enter was haunted or Lil was going to get bad food poisoning from whatever they ordered tonight. He was starting to feel a little hopeful about it if that was actually his mom on the other end. She could also explain their father’s odd behavior.

—

There was a swell of hope with Lil’s heart for a moment as she turned to Jonas putting her phone into the crook of her shoulder to free her hands. After all, June usually wanted to talk to him too, and right now she didn’t think she’d mind if Lil signed to Jonas. They could after all text later.

It only lasted a moment, before Lil heard the voice on the other hand - gruff and not like her mom. “Lilian? Is that you?” Lil froze almost automatically at the voice for a moment, before realizing who it was and that it probably wasn’t a good sign that he sounded unsure and almost relieved.

“Yeah, Uncle Charlie it’s me. Where’s my mom?” Lil said her voice was going up as she tried to rationalize the call. “Jonas and I haven’t heard anything from them - why do you have her phone? Why isn’t anyone calling us back?”

“You and Jonas - oh thank God,” Charlie said, “ I thought - we didn’t even try to call you two ‘cause we assumed - Kid, you need to come home to the both of you. No one’s been able to find any of them. Okay? Wherever you are, come back.”

Lil froze again, “Missing? What do you mean missing? Uncle Charlie do you mean my dad’s missing or -”

“All of them, Kid. We need you two to come back,” He said gently, or as gently as the exorcist ever got. It wasn’t that he was mean - Lil could quite recall a few times he’d sneak candies to her during training when her dad wasn’t looking - but it was clear that he didn’t know what to do now.

“I - got it. I’ll go get Jonas and we’ll come as soon as we can,” Lil said, her eyes focusing on her brother and not sure quite what she would tell him after she heard a gruff okay and the click of the phone off. She tried not to look as shaken as she felt her brain spinning a million miles a minute as she tried to calculate how far away from their hometown they were.

—

“Missing?” Jonas frowned as he tried to pick up just who was missing, not Uncle Charlie thankfully, but that didn’t bode well if Uncle Charlie had June’s phone. His mind was piecing the clues together, mom had gone on a mission if Charlie had her phone and since his dad also didn’t answer when they called it was a good bet he was with her.

That just left his two older siblings. If both parents were missing and they hadn’t bothered calling then they were either trying to hunt them down or they too were gone. What could take out an entire section of the Ballard family?

The Ballard’s weren’t T.V. exorcists, they actually knew what they were doing when hunting ghosts and had made marriages through generations to keep the bloodline populated with strong exorcists and mediums. Not many things were going to take one Ballard down let alone four.

Jonas put his phone back in his pocket and placed his hands on his hips as he looked down. They had to go back, that much was obvious, but rushing wouldn’t help them. Lil was tired from driving and shouldn’t be driving while her mind was racing.

They needed at least 8 hours of sleep. Trying to think now while having slept so little would help no one. “We need to rest Lil, we can leave at first light. We won’t be able to help anyone if we crash because we’re tired.”

—

Lil hated to admit how much of her father’s kid she was as she pushed her hair back into a ponytail, as her brain shifted on how quickly she could get back to the town. She was pretty sure that she’d be able to get there in less than a day if they left now. For a moment she didn’t process Jonas signing to her, instead trying to figure out where in that freaky town her family could have gone. She’d have to get a list together and strong arm Uncle Charlie into giving her more details.

Still after a moment her focus did shift to Jonas, and as she hoped he had been reading her lips “They are all missing,” Lil signed. “Everyone is missing. Uncle Charlie seemed lost. I think he thought we were with them. That’s why no one called me or texted you. They thought we were missing too. ” A twinge of guilt passed over Lil, after all whatever had happened, she hadn’t been there. If she was also honest there was a bit of fear there as well. She was a good exorcist - maybe could have even been great one day, and Jonas was an excellent medium but they were the youngest. Their siblings and parents were stronger, and knew more. Whatever had happened was bad enough that they couldn’t deal with it and for tonight at least, Lil would have to deal with that fear.

She tried not to feel small, but she shifted in her boots slightly as she looked back at the motel and the car. Looking back at Jonas she sighed slightly, wanting desperately to get back into the car and drive on and knowing that wasn’t the right call. Normally, she would have done it anyway. She would have barked in laughter and said that she wasn’t tired.

She would have at least mustered an argument about how they needed to get back as soon as possible and how she’d get some coffee. Problems usually invigorated her, even when they might not be something that she wanted to deal with she always found a way to channel something akin to passion to be motivated. Even when she was on the ground, she always got back up after all. At the moment though she felt only weariness, after being on edge for so long it was hard to not recognize that she was tired in the face of the other shoe dropping instead of motivated.

So, instead of arguing she nodded slightly and reached out to give Jonas the motel key before answering. “You’re right. I’ll think we should get something to eat and get some rest. Maybe some snacks for tomorrow so we can leave right away . If I’m right we’re about a day away.” Lil’s throat felt heavy, and uncharacteristically she felt serious considering something her dad would tell her. “ That and I’m too scared.” She signed not looking at Jonas for a moment. “If we went tonight I’m sure I’d call whatever ghosts are around to me and we’d be having a world of problems. I’ll be better tomorrow.”

__

“Everyone?” Jonas did his best to be an optimist but that news wasn’t particularly great and dealt a heavy blow to him trying to look on the brightside. It would just be them and Uncle Charlie left to solve the case and as much as he loved the older man he wasn’t exactly reassured by the fact he was the one on the case. Not that he would ever admit such things out loud. It was rude just to think that way. He blamed such thoughts on being upset over how his family seemed to just disappear off the face of the map.

Still his earlier statement wasn’t wrong and Lil seemed to agree. He paused with what she said next, giving her an understanding look before signing, “I’m scared too, but what was it that dad always said? A Ballard persists despite it?” Granted Jonas had not been privy to many of the lessons and quotes his father had for his other siblings. He learned from his mother at his own pace rather than the rigid schedule of Jacob Ballard. That was better for everyone, Jacob couldn’t seem to keep from yelling the moment his eyes laid on what he considered a failure of a son, which just made his last text message so strange and prompted the calls.

“We’ll figure it out, we’re the smartest Ballards after all.” Jonas did his best to lighten the mood as he walked back over to the car to grab the salt they’d need to ghost proof the room for the night. Blue watched as her boy moved before walking over to Lil and planting her head against the older twin trying to offer comfort. Jonas’ mangled words came from the car as he shifted inside, “We can order your comfort food and watch a bad movie while we think it over tonight.”

—

Lil nodded a lump forming in her throat that she desperately wished would go away. Lil often thought of worst case scenarios, and she couldn’t help but feel a little sideswiped by the news. With everything she could have imagined, she just couldn’t see all of them disappearing. Even with Blue following them, she was sure it was her that was going to be on the receiving end. She should have thought about it clearer, but still she tried to let the fear go.

Looking at Jonas, Lil nodded slightly at the words she’d heard from their dad more times then she could count. Everytime she fell on the ground she could hear the smartass quips of Jacob in the back of her mind. Part of her wanted to not remember them, to pretend that she learned the skill without her dad’s help. It was a silly thought though, an indignant one brought by how her training ended. Jacob Balard might have been an awful father to Jonas, and a drill sergeant to Lil, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t an excellent exorcist.

Lil couldn’t help but snort at Jonas' statement finally releasing some of the strain in her body, a small smile going across her face, more to show her brother that she had found it a little amusing. “You’re right. Between the two of us, we have pretty much all the brain cells. We’ll just have to figure it out. Together.”

Because unlike what Jacob always thought, Jonas did make Lil a better exorcist. He was much more adept at dealing with ghosts and finding peace in situations that called for it. Proof was shown as to how Blue leaned into her. Lil would have exorcized her if Jonas wasn’t there to show that she didn’t mean harm, and that wouldn’t have been right. Lil moved her hand to the top of the ghost dog’s head as if she was petting her, grateful that she hadn’t. Now no matter what happened to her, Blue would be there for Jonas, and apparently they needed all the help they could get. “Thank you, Blue,” Lil said softly to the barghest.

Hearing Jonas, Lil leaned down rocking forward in her boots so Jonas could see her face and hands as she signed, “ Let's get something we both like, not just me. We’re both going through it. Maybe some Pizza? Sounds good? I won’t even make you watch the Minion movie again. ”

—

Jonas was a little startled by his sister’s sudden appearance, the news must have shook him a bit more than he realized, but he was quick to relax nodding at her suggestion letting out a little noise of triumph as he finally tugged a pouch of salt out of his tightly packed bag. “I think the minions would break us both.” He signed as best he could with the salt taking up one hand before tucking the pouch into his pocket, leaning over the seat to grab hold of his laptop.

“We can watch something mom likes, maybe Fox and the Hound?” Jonas had a habit of keeping everyone’s favorite movies on his laptop for moments like this, though he still refused to download the minions, he knew Lil didn’t actually enjoy the movie and was just using it to annoy him. But keeping the other movies she enjoyed counted as a way of looking out for her he supposed.

Jonas felt like that was most of his job now, looking out for his twin, it made him feel useful, always had. He’d be lying if he said Jacob’s words never got to him, they still liked to sit in the back of his mind coming out when things got too quiet. His only defense against them were the affirmations he recited to himself in the mirror every morning. Something to try and boost a self esteem that was holding on by a few threads that had been carefully stitched in place by June Ballard over the many years of raising her son. June and Lil always seemed determined to prove Jacob wrong about him, he appreciated it.

Jonas shoved his laptop under one arm to make talking easier, “Salt now or after pizza delivery?” Jonas knew that doing it sooner would be better if Lil’s defenses were going to crumble, the noise was going to pick up and he was too sensitive to it not to be affected but he also knew delivery people often got weirded out by a salt line waiting behind the door.

—

Lil frowned slightly realizing that she had startled Jonas signing sorry quickly as she nodded. She couldn’t help the bark of a laugh that came out when Jonas noted how the minions were not the move. Pulling on the door behind the driver's seat she pulled up her go-bag carefully still looking at Jonas as he was talking.

“Sure. I haven’t seen that in a bit. Might be a little sad though..” Lil wasn’t certain it would give her any sort of comfort, but she knew it would mean something to Jonas to watch the movie. While Jonas seemed to take their mother’s lessons, Lil was more like Jacob then she ever would care to admit. She tried to hold onto sentimentality - connections between people- but it was hard for her to find comfort in it.

Still, she wanted to find some sort of comfort in it. She wanted to be softer than she was, and more kind. Sometimes she looked in the mirror and saw a harder face in there than she wanted. She had to remind herself to smile and to make her hands relax. Lil wanted to remember that outside of exorcism she was still a human, for better or worse sometimes she would like to feel the bittersweet memories.

Locking the car Lil laughed and replied, her hands now freed from the keys being shifted into her pocket. Part of her was glad that Jonas couldn’t hear how strained her laugh sounded at the moment - as awful as that thought felt. “It’s not such a nice motel that they’ll notice or care that there’s a salt mark. Might as well do it now. What kind do you want?”

—

“It’s okay to feel a little sad. I just think the movie would… would calm us down.” Fox and the Hound was a tamer movie to pick among the ones on his laptop. The plot wasn’t very heavy and there weren’t really any sad parts in it. Unlike the movies he liked to watch which more often than not had sad endings. Jonas was just a sucker for movies that could make him cry. He didn’t think that was right for tonight though. Nor did he think anything action packed would be wise.

No, something gentle was best and they both knew the movie well enough that if they wanted to talk they wouldn’t miss anything while it was playing in the background. Perhaps he was over thinking it but that was what he did best. He thought things through as thoroughly as possible. It was why his seances often took so long, though it often led to him getting distracted as well. His mind was easy to get wrapped around one thought forgetting what else was needing his attention.

Jonas could remember a few cases where he ended up staying awake the whole night putting pieces together because his brain wouldn’t shut off or the ghosts were being particularly loud, preventing sleep. It was why he was a little relieved that Lil said to place the salt now. It would at least keep any unwanted guests from their door. “Hm Let’s get half cheese half what you want.”

—

“It can’t hurt to try,” Lil replied with a soft nod accompanying the hand movement. She couldn’t quite remember all the details of the movie - which wasn’t surprising. Lil often thought most of her brain was made up of old languages that no one spoke and exorcism rituals that she probably wouldn’t need. Still, she remembered enough to know it would be a good quiet movie for a loud day. It would be calming, and while it wouldn’t bother Jonas either way, Lil thought a quieter movie would let her hear anything outside the room.

Lil Tapped her fingers on her arm for a moment as they walked to the room looking at the area carefully, before responding, “ Half cheese and Half Pepperoni it is then. I’ll figure out the number in a second. Do you want to check and see if you hear anything in there before I start salting?” Lil wanted to at least make sure they weren’t trapping a ghost in the hotel room with them. It wouldn’t be the end of the world, but she wasn’t feeling like she wanted to work and she doubted Jonas did either. It would be much more simple to ask them to leave the area.

—

Jonas nodded at the request and offered Lil a little smile, glad she agreed it couldn’t hurt to try the movie. He took the key from Lil and moved past her, making his way into the room. He gently placed his laptop on the bed before closing his eyes and focusing on the noise. The motel was luckily outside of town, making it as cheap as it was but it also meant there weren't as many voices as there would have been had they picked a palace more towards the center. He didn’t know if Lil picked based on the price or because she knew he got headaches when he was stuck in town all night, but he was grateful nonetheless. He took a moment to make sure there really wasn’t any ghost hiding in the room before holding the door open for Lil, “It’s all quiet in here, the noise is mostly in the woods.”

Blue moved into the room, getting on top of Jonas’ bed as soon as she figured out which one was his. The bed dipped under her weight as she flopped down, tail going and waiting for someone to join her. Jonas had never met a dog so in love with snuggles. “I don’t think there is enough room for all three of us on one bed.” He signed and the dog whined tail stopping as she huffed and stared at her partner.

—

Lil waited patiently for Jonas to finish listening for whatever ghosts could be in the hotel. While she wasn’t a beacon of patience in most cases, Lil always was a careful exorcist. While the ghost wouldn’t bother her most likely - after all she’d have to see it for it to even annoy her slightly- she knew Jonas could hear them loudly demanding him to do things. So she was as careful as she could be in making sure he could get to sleep. She made sure Blue was in the room, looking towards the ghostly dog to make sure she didn’t accidentally keep her on the outside of the room. Nodding after confirming everything she replied “Good. I’ll start sealing the room then.”

Taking one of the bags of salt she hid on her person, Lil carefully started to make a line at the front door in a continuous line that almost looked like she had drawn it in chalk. Looking back she caught Jonas talking to Blue and chuckled, moving to the windows. “Let her on the bed with you, I’m sure we can fit for the movie and besides she’s gonna end up there anyway. Look at her, she’s gotta be whining.”

Careful to not get the bag near Blue, Lil moved to the window still making another precise line and looking towards the woods. She wondered if she was seeing flickering lights of spirits - or if she was just that tired. In any case it wasn’t on their docket to deal with, and she’d rather not deal with it now. Instead she pulled her phone out and looked for a pizza place near them.

—

Jonas shook his head at Lil before turning to Blue, “Sit at the top.” The dog’s tail wagged again as she happily obliged, the chain on her foot rattling as she scooted to the top of the bed and made herself small enough to fit across it, leaving enough room for the twins to sit at the bottom of the bed. Jonas nestled in, leaning against the dog as he opened his laptop. This was normal for the two at this point, Jonas often found himself laying on top of the dog at night these days. The barghest never seemed to mind, often encouraging it as she tangled herself up with Jonas. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get used to not having her on his bed at this point. She was a welcomed comfort especially now.

While the laptop took its time booting up he turned his eyes to his twin, watching as Lil lined the window. Jonas wondered if she was still tense, if she was it was to be expected. They had a huge task waiting for them now in a town they ran away from, for good reason. He had never regretted his decision to join Lil, he didn’t want his sister to be a demonologist as much as she didn’t want to. It was more dangerous than normal exorcism and he could tell the thought of it scared her, and if they had stayed their father would have forced it on her. He also would have had to deal with more years of verbal abuse from his father, though the total lack of communication he had been receiving now hadn’t felt much better,

His father was a constant point of contention for Jonas. He was sure he hated the man but he didn’t want to, he wanted to love him as much as his mother however it was clear that his father did not share the same sentiments. He was never enough for the older man even in the fields he excelled at Jacob Ballard would always find some sort of flaw to point out. He remembered the night he showed his father the painting of him, Jacob had stared at it then said something about the colors being off before leaving and for the first time Jonas acted out in anger. He had taken his paintbrush and dragged a red line across the man’s face. Jonas was lucky Lil indulged his urge to paint on the road, it kept his love for it alive despite everything. He supposed if Jacob had said anything true in his life it was that, ‘A Ballard persist despite it all.

[crazedlunatic]

The Next Steps

“How much longer? Charlie says within two years… but I think he’ll drawl it out until someone new comes in.” Blaine shrugged. “Any time I bring any questions up about it, he throws paper at me. I’m not sure if he’s joking or not is the thing.”

“He’s really not been that into anything law since Emily was kidnapped for ransom… but he’d had, like, five ‘and a half’ experiences like this. What does that even mean?”

“One of his attacks lost him a lung when he was getting big and 28 years old or something.’

“Why don’t you take ove—”

Blaine gave him the look like he always did when he mentioned taking over for Bob. “Just because my grandmother and uncles were lawyers does not mean I want to take over CMJ. They’d even have to make a new sign... but if we can all trick Nick into going to law school-.”

“Cody!” Kurt exclaimed seeing him outside of one of the coffee shops he frequented.

Cody jumped—it was habit after his sexual assault in middle school. When he knew someone was coming to see him it was fine but sometimes he was nervous when people quickly came behind him because of his past.

“Sorry. It’s him showing he likes you more than Nick.” Blaine joked.

Cody relaxed and waved. “Hey, I didn’t know you all got lunch on this side of town.”

“That big festival is happening, so we wanted somewhere a little less…” Blaine began.

“Not full of people my age?” Cody joked.

“Yes, but you are family... When are you two having babies?” Kurt asked.

“Oh my God. Did Nick put you up this?” Cody looked surprised. “Also, thanks.”

“Does that mean you… are talking about it?” Blaine grinned.

Cody hesitated.

Kurt’s face lit up.

“I don’t think it will be anytime soon.” Cody said slowly. “We need to get through things before we’ll consider it.”

“What’s the hold up? Out of curiosity?” Blaine asked.

“Nick doesn’t want to pass down his ‘bad genes.’ He’s afraid that his mental health isn’t well enough for so much added stress. When he’s really stressed it’s hard for him to eat like he should so he wants to make sure he’s really ready.” Cody explained. “Which I think is the best reaction we could hope for taking such a big step.”

“You think it’s a good idea?”

“Yeah!” Cody said enthusiastically. “As long as he does what he needs to do it will set us up to make sure. Closer to time we’ll all three hash out a plan… but not until I’ve gotten through grad school. He’s getting better and branching out more again too.”

“Ryan?”

“Oh, they see each other all the time as of, maybe, 4 months ago? Us, Ryan, and his girlfriend…”

“Maddie.” Blaine said and then made a smooth transition to, “Hello, sunshine.”

Nick groaned and sat in one of the chairs. He looked at Blaine and said, “Dad, you’re rich. Daddy, you’ve almost made more than grampa. Can I drop out?”

Cody rolled his eyes. Thursday classes made him say the same thing every day.

“You’ve got how long left?” Blaine played along.

“Maybe six months after that test I just bombed.”

“You always say this and you’ve never failed any test or final.” Cody was exasperated. “Come on.”

Kurt and Blaine shared a look. They loved it.

“You owe me ice cream if you pass the test.”

“What do I get out of this?”

“An BS degree…?”

“They’re just like us. They banter.” Blaine pointed out. “I’m glad Cody warmed up to me.”

“You walked in on us having sex. What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. That you wouldn’t be having sex in your childhood bedroom.”

“I was twenty. You shouldn’t just walk in. I know you two did the deed at seventeen and eighteen.”

“Well, this has been fun but my 90 minute break is up and the girl is always early and she’s my last appointment of the day which means I’ll still beat Nick home.”

“Rude. Can I just sit in your actual office and work on my homework?” Nick scoffed.

“Yeah. The front desk expects it anyway now. I mean my boss knows because she’s the one who did his therapy.” Cody said, grabbing Nick’s bag for him and waving goodbye to Blaine and Kurt. “But if you’re coming in with me, it’s gotta be now.”

As soon as they had walked into the office, Kurt and Blaine stood up.

“Have I mentioned lately that Cody is the best thing to happen to Nick?”

“An hour ago… I love him and them.”

“Just to be clear… I know that we helped Nick since he was hospitalized but as soon as he got that inheritance from Bob… I’m still seeing him getting better and better.”

“I would say that it was rude to do that but not for Zach… however, Zach’s killing it. I just wish he’d take a job here.”

“How is that we are always talking about our three kids in college? Two of them at the same school?”

“Yeah, for you. Now I’m close to the age Bob was at when I started my internship… or older than that. Ugh. I hate being old.”

[livingwithlosingyou]

Living with Losing You - 10/24/2022

First day of being an official FTE again!

When you died, I took 4 weeks off. Then, I was placed on a reduced schedule of 3 days a week from then until now. I do feel like I am ready to take it all on again because missing days was stressing me TF out. I would be gone for a day and come back to 200 emails. Always playing catch up became overwhelming in itself. I have to give my company massive kudos though, that’s not on them, it’s just the reality of my role. They have been incredibly supportive and patient of my healing process. I feel so blessed to work for an org like that. 

It was a very busy day though, and so very productive. I crossed almost everything off my to-do list today! Little victories add up! I had gone into the office thinking I was going to onboard, but unfortunately she withdrew. I had to meet with another employee while I was there anyway, so it worked out. I felt like I blinked and it was 1pm. I quickly left the office to grab a salad for lunch, then rushed home. I ate my salad while I worked, and then before I knew it, ti was 3:40pm. I was late to practice today, and still checking messages at practice even. I will say that I realize I personally need to be better coming back, because I do not have the emotional capacity to do that daily. 

Practice was good though! I really have been enjoying coaching so much. Boys had track / speed today. We race our biggest competitor in the league on Wednesday. I am nervous but excited for it. Really hoping we can get the “W”, but I am proud of our boys either way. They have had a good season. I was also at practice fairly late. After the workout we sent the varsity team in a 3.5 mile cool down. Well, I decided to run with them at first, which seemed like a good idea. The pace started off well, but by the end we were at 7:15 and I was not down. I didn’t want to give up though, cause what kind fo coach would I be if I did that!? Powered through. I wore that cute punny dinosaur shirt that I got in KY. Some people appreciated it. I love it and that is all that matters. 

After practice, I drove to Chick-Fil-A for dinner only to realize that I left my wallet at home in my other bag. I went back home and picked up Sadie since she was home a lot of today. I also got her two pup cups cause she is the bestest girl in the whole wide world (as you used to say). I just felt bad that she was home a lot of today. I really try not to do that. She has had eventful days upon days, so one rest day would probably suit her well. Erika called me on the way and we talked for about 2 hours. I love her so much, she has been so great to me as a friend. I ate dinner then took her out to go to the bathroom / for a brief walk. When I came back I started to clean up. This place got a bit out of control since I have been so busy. I really want to start going back to a sense of normalcy, and start cooking again too. I have been eating out way too much, it is such a waste of money. I know that I have been struggling and just was not paying as much attention, but I would likely be disgusted at how much I am spending a week by just eating out. Even with PS. It’s making me sick just thinking about it. I plan to run to the store tomorrow. I would like to try and start with eating at last one meal at home a day / limiting my daily spend on food. It got wild for a few months there. Honestly though the fact that I was eating and have been eating is a victory in itself too, so that’s why I was giving myself some grace. It could be worse. 

Okay, food rant over. Something else kind of interesting happened today. There were a few times that we went surfing with my family and friends, and I brought an underwater disposable camera. No clue if it actually took the pictures, but I was able to find it and I set it on the storage cabinet in the office next to your shadow box / on top of the box with your things. I plan to try and drop it off this week, the sooner the better. I am just excited ti see if we have any cute pics on there! Well, when I came home from practice, that camera was laying on the floor outside of that room. I just don’t see Latte playing with it, and plus the fact that it wasn't in an easily accessible area. Just strange, so many strange things. In a way, I like to think they’re you. There have been times where I feel like I can sense you. Call me crazy, but I do think that’s a thing. 

Anyway, I am all showered up, animals are laying on the bed, and I need to go to sleep. As I am typing this I hear a random high pitch noise in my ear out of nowhere. It kind of happened earlier too. Maybe I should get that checked out. They do say that is angel(s) trying to communicate. 

I keep having this dream where I am trying to text you and the message never sends. Like, I can never get a hold of you. It it hard when I wake up at times and believe that you’re alive and have to remind myself, it’s the worst. 

I have been having some intrusive thoughts, especially since I have been home. I talked to my therapist about the CBT, but I might try and see what I can start to do on my own with a workbook in the meantime. I really want to get ahead of this. 

I love you, James. 

Sometimes I feel angry that you left me, mostly I feel devastated. It really tears me up to think about. 

Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols

10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022

[cobrakaisb]

sensei’s granddaughter

requested: yes! an anon requested for robby x kreeses!granddaughter, but multiple people wanted more robby so i delivered :)

summary: robby meets sensei kreese’s granddaughter, you, and falls in love 

warnings: season 4 spoilers!!, swearing, mostly fluff

word count: 2.9k

“grandpa, i brought lunch! sorry it took me so long, the line was out the door!” you exclaimed, struggling to carry the paper bag into your grandpa’s dojo. you walked further into the space, noticing that it was eerily quiet. “grandpa?” you questioned, peeking your head out from behind the bag. it was then that you noticed the group of teenagers all staring at you. you blushed from the intensity of their stares, a nervous laugh slipping from your lips. “sorry. i thought class would be over,” you apologized, walking over to your grandpa who was standing in the front of the room. he just waved you off, smiling at you. “don’t worry about it sweetheart. i’ll meet you in my office shortly,” he said and you nodded, walking into his office space. 

kreese’s actions didn’t go unnoticed by his students. the usually harsh teacher was turned into an utter softie at the mere sight of you. robby and tory exchanged questioning looks with each other, silently trying to figure out who you were. tory just shrugged her shoulders at robby, signaling for him to drop it, but that wasn’t something that he was interested in doing. you had piqued his interest, now he wanted to know more about you. he subtly looked through the glass window that opened into kreese’s office. you were putting the papers on his desk into neat piles. it was like you could feel his eyes on you because you looked at him through the glass, smiling kindly at him, even giving him a small wave. robby smiled back, before shaking his head and paying attention to his sensei. 

“i think that’s enough training for today. be here bright and early tomorrow,” kreese announced and a chorus of ‘yes sensei’ was heard throughout the room. kreese walked into the office, taking a seat at his desk with you. while your grandpa wasn’t exactly the softest, most personable guy, he never gave you any reason to dislike him. he had an extremely bad habit of spoiling you rotten along with an annoyingly protective nature over you. “so what’s been going on here?” you asked, taking a bite of your lunch. “you know, same old same old. teaching kids karate,” he answered casually. you chuckled at his words, “i hope you’re not too hard on them.” “nothing they can’t handle,” he answered. you went to say something but there was a knock on the door. 

upon your grandpa’s command, the door opened to reveal one of his students. you recognized him as the boy that was staring at you earlier. he was tall and muscular with a sharp jawline and hazel eyes. your ogling did not go unnoticed by your grandpa, who glared at the teenage boy. his tone suddenly became hostile when he asked, “can i help you mr.keene?” “yeah um, i was just wondering if it’d be okay if i used the back room?” he asked, robby’s eyes momentarily leaving you. you were stunning, even in your normal everyday clothes. kreese nodded and robby bowed, mumbling a ‘thank you’ before closing the door and leaving the small office. 

“who’s that?” you asked, turning to face your grandpa. “that’s robby keene. he’s having some trouble, so he’s been staying here,” your grandpa answered, not missing the frown on your face. “he’s living here?” you asked in shock. when your grandpa nodded, you felt extremely bad, “why didn’t you tell me? i could’ve grabbed him something to eat!” your grandpa rolled his eyes at that. “he’s fine, and i better not see you talking to him either.” now it was your turn to roll your eyes. “i’m seventeen grandpa, you can’t stop me from talking to him,” you snapped, taking a bite of your lunch. your grandpa chose not to comment on your words, instead opting to steer the conversation onto the topic of school. 

you couldn’t get the idea of robby sleeping in the back room of your grandpa’s dojo out of your head. it’d been a week since you last saw the both of them, and you decided to bring robby some supplies. your grandpa didn’t need to know, besides he said that he was going to meet an old friend today. you took a deep breath before opening the door to the dojo. if robby was there, he must’ve not heard the bell jingle because no one came to greet you. you walked into the back room, finding robby bench pressing some weights. he was wearing a gray tank top and his brown hair was sticking to his forehead. his muscles were on full display, and you swore that drool was coming out of your mouth. you gently shook your head, cleaning it of dirty thoughts, before clearing your throat.

robby’s head snapped up, looking in your direction. “um hi,” you whispered, feeling a little nervous now that he was giving you his undivided attention. robby smiled at you, placing the weights back on the bar above the bench. “hi. sensei kreese isn’t here, and i’m not entirely sure when he’ll be back,” robby said, walking over to you. “i’m not here to see my grandpa. i um…i came to see you,” you mumbled nervously, barely able to hold eye contact with the boy in front of you. 

“what?” robby asked, confusion plastered on his face. “yeah. my grandpa said that you were living here, and while it’s not really my business why, i just felt bad that there wasn’t anything here for you. so i bought an air mattress, some sheets, a pillow, some snacks, and some soap. i just figured you could use this stuff, so yeah. but you don’t need to take it, i just thought that it’d be something nice for you. and i’m rambling so i’m gonna shut up now,” you said, looking down at your shoes. 

robby melted at your words. no one ever cared about him, not his dad or even mr.larusso, yet you, some random stranger did. “hey,” he whispered, and your eyes met his. “i really appreciate it.” you let out a breath of relief at his words, smiling at him. “okay good. here,” you said, pushing the box of items towards robby.   

so that’s how your friendship with robby started, by setting up an air mattress in your grandpa’s dojo. from there things only seemed to grow. you would pick up something for robby when you brought lunch, and sometimes the two of you would grab coffee after his karate lessons. you liked having robby as a friend because he wasn’t scared of your grandpa, even though he made his distaste for your friendship very obvious. 

“i don’t like you hanging around with keene y/n,” your grandpa complained. you rolled your eyes at his comment, “oh please grandpa. he’s nice and i like having him around.” your grandpa opened his mouth to argue, but he abruptly shut it when he saw your fierce glare. there was no stopping you. 

“guys i’m here! and i brought brownies!” you shouted, walking into the dojo. the class stopped briefly, everyone looking over at you. ever since you and robby became friends, you’d been spending a lot more time at the dojo. your grandpa wasn’t the biggest fan of it, but his students really liked you. some a little more than others. “i’ll give them out after class. sorry for interrupting,” you said shyly, walking into the office. 

robby didn’t miss the way that kyler and some of the other boys’ eyes wandered over your body as you walked by. his jaw clenched at the thought of them checking you out, especially since their intentions with you were anything but pure. both robby’s and the other’s actions did not go unnoticed by sensei kreese, who ordered everyone to get ready for sparring. 

“parker! keene! you first,” he instructed, and the two boys walked to the center of the mat. they bowed, and then the fight began, robby easily taking kyler down. he reached his hand out to help kyler up once the match ended, pulling the boy up to his full height. “look at her like that again, and i’ll take you somewhere where there are no rules,” robby threatened, and kyler nodded. he was not about to fight robby when he had that murderous glint in his eye. 

practice ended, and then you were handing out brownies to all the cobra kais. “tory here. i counted your brother too,” you said, handing the blonde girl an extra brownie. she smiled at you, taking the brownie. “do you want one kenny?” you asked, holding the container out to the younger boy. “yeah thanks y/n,” he said, taking a brownie. robby was standing behind you, his arm wrapped around your waist protectively. he trusted tory and kenny not to make any moves on you, but the others, not so much, especially after today.

after everyone took a brownie, you gestured for robby to follow you into the back room. “i made a special container just for you because i know you like them so much,” you explained when he questioned your actions. robby smiled at you, pulling you into a tight hug. “thanks y/n,” he whispered. “you’re welcome,” you answered, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. it was silent between the two of you after that. “i think i’m going to go,” you said, pointing towards your grandpa’s office. robby got the hint, but he couldn’t help the sadness that washed over him at the thought of you leaving. “yeah okay. i’ll see you later?” he asked you. “uh duh,” you answered, a playful smile on your face as you left the back dojo. 

the next day, you were invited to the drive-in by robby. apparently he and the other cobra kai students were going to watch the movie that was playing that night. “you should come y/n. it’ll be a lot of fun,” he said, throwing a charming smile your way. “your friends won’t mind right?” you asked nervously, and robby shook his head no. “alright. then i’ll go. besides, the drive-in has the best popcorn. it’s like the perfect amount of salty to put the m&ms in,” you replied happily, and robby just chuckled at you, pulling you into his side. 

that night, you met robby at the dojo. together the two of you climbed into the back of kyler’s jeep. at the drive-in the boys ordered kenny to head to the concessions and buy them snacks. “but i can’t carry all that,” kenny mumbled, and kyler just shrugged his shoulders, his attention now back on the movie. you rolled your eyes at kyler’s behavior, opening the jeep door. “i’ll go with you,” you said, ruffling kenny’s hair as you stepped out of the car. 

kenny smiled at you, “thanks y/n.” the car door closed again and the two of you turned to see robby standing there. “just a little hazing, don't worry about it. they did the same thing to me when i first joined. keep your head up, you’ll earn respect,” robby said. “yeah?” kenny asked. “yeah. oh and um get me a butterfinger,” robby added, gently punching the younger boy in the shoulder. you laughed quietly at their interaction, rolling your eyes at robby, but followed kenny to the concession stand nonetheless. 

“yeah he’s not that bad, but please never tell him i told you that,” you whispered, and kenny laughed, promising not to tell your grandpa as the two of you walked out of the concession stand. you were holding the buckets of popcorn and robby’s butterfinger, while kenny carried the drinks and other snack items. suddenly, kenny froze. his eyes were glued on the two boys standing a couple feet in front of you. “not again,” he mumbled, and you shot him a confused look.   

suddenly someone bumped into you and kenny from behind, causing the both of you to drop everything. “damn,” the boy said and kenny started apologizing. “that sucks,” this other boy continued. he had a red mohawk and towered over kenny. you looked at kenny, and knew these were the kids who were picking on him at the high school. “you should really watch where you’re going kid,” the boy taunted and that’s when you stepped in, “and you should pick on people your own size, but i guess that’s not going to happen.”  

hawk was looking you up and down. robby noticed everything at this point, and had gotten out of the car. it was one thing for them to bother kenny, but you had absolutely nothing to do with any of this. you felt robby standing next to you before you knew that it was him. “look who it is,” the boy with the mohawk said, his attention now focused on robby. 

“you betrayed miyagi-do! traitor!” one of the other boys yelled. “what?” you whispered, a confused look overtaking your face. you looked to kenny but he just shrugged his shoulders, clearly in the same boat as you. “oh there’s a traitor here for sure. he’s gonna get what he deserves,” tory announced, and you saw her and the other cobra kai members approaching the six of you. “i don’t think so. not if i have anything to say about, princess,” another girl countered, as she joined the group with her possy. 

the arguing continued as the two sides continued to throw digs at one another. suddenly plans for a fight at the baseball diamond were being made, and then the group of kids that bothered you and kenny walked away. “are you guys actually going?” you asked robby, as you guys headed back to the cars. “miguel challenged us, we can’t back down. that’s not what cobra kai does,” he explained. “but what if you get hurt,” you whispered so only he could hear, grabbing a hold of his hand. “i won’t y/n. i promise,” robby said. he knew that he could take them, especially now that hawk got you involved in all this shit. that night robby didn’t need to fight any of them, instead he got soaked to the bone by a sprinkler.   

cobra kai was changing. for the better or worse robby didn’t know, but he knew that he did not like this terry silver guy. sure he gave robby some good pointers, and they all got cool new cobra kai gear from him, but something felt off about him. robby thought he was insane, and maybe he was the only one who felt that way, but his feelings were validated when you brought sensei silver up one day. 

“that new guy, the one with the ponytail, he’s weird. i don’t like him,” you announced to robby. the two of you were at the skatepark, just hanging out. you were sitting on the ledge of the bowl, eating some gummy worms, while robby did some tricks on his skateboard. “so it’s not just me then,” robby sighed in relief. “yeah definitely not. i mean he makes some valid points but something is off about him. and i know my grandpa trusts him but i just get bad vibes from the guy,” you replied, taking a bite of a gummy worm. “me too. i know cobra kai is aggressive, but he seems to be going the extra mile to drive that point home,” robby confessed, sitting next to you. you nodded your head in agreement, handing him the bag of gummy worms. he mumbled out a thanks, taking a handful for himself.   

the two of you continued to talk about the dojo and other stuff, sharing the bag of gummy worms between you. “so prom’s coming up,” you stated out of the blue. robby’s eyebrows furrowed at your words. why were you bringing this up to him? “yeah. are you going?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even. “depends. what are my chances of getting you to come with me?” you asked, looking into his hazel eyes. “um what?” robby replied and you could tell that he was nervous. “will you be my prom date?” you asked, spelling it out for him. “oh um yeah. yes i will take you to prom,” he answered, trying and failing to be confident. “perfect,” you said, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek as you got up from your spot next to him. robby was ecstatic obviously, but he was sure of one thing, sensei kreese was going to kill him. 

“class dismissed!” sensei kreese announced, and everyone bowed before moving to gather their items. “keene, my office!” he demanded, and tory gave robby a concerned look. robby just shrugged it off, he knew what this was about. “you wanted to speak to me sensei,” robby said, opening the office door. kreese nodded, gesturing for the boy to sit down. “y/n tells me you’re taking her to prom,” he started and robby nodded his head. “yes sir.” “right. and was this your idea?” kreese continued questioning him. “no. she asked me.” sensei kreese nodded before leaning on his elbows across the desk. 

“listen to me mr.keene, if anything happens to her, and i mean anything, things won’t be pretty for you.” “i’d never do anything to hurt y/n, sensei,” robby replied. “good. i saw the way you took care of mr.parker the other day, and let’s just say better you than me,” sensei kreese said, leaning back in his chair. robby’s jaw clenched at the mention of kyler, but he didn’t comment on it. “i won’t let anything happen to y/n sir, i promise.” sensei kreese nodded, waving his hand at robby as a signal for him to get out. 

“oh and mr.keene,” kreese started just as robby turned the door knob, “you might want to consider asking her out sooner rather than later.”

[cowboybarzy]

First ‘I Love You’

mat barzal x reader

warnings: none

lmk you’re thoughts and send me requests/ideas!!!! (also I didn’t spell check so ignore if there’s mistakes or lmk)

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be fine. They’ll love you”, your boyfriend, Mat, said taking your hand. He pressed a quick kiss to the back of it, before flashing you a smile and getting out of the car. You followed him, still feeling nervous. He chuckled and wrapped an warm around your shoulder. “I promise. And if it’s too much for you, let me know and we’ll leave.”

“It won’t be. I just get super nervous meeting new people and they’re your parents, so it’s kind of a big deal. I want them to like me.”

“They will. You’ll see.” He gave you a kiss and tugged you along to the restaurant you were going to have lunch at.

You and Mat had been together for four month now and you were finally meeting his family. Well, his parents at least. You already met his sister, Liana, a few weeks ago when she was visiting him. Now his entire family was in New York for Mats big season home opener.

You arrived first and sat down at a table outside. It was getting chillier, but the weather still permitted to be able to sit outside comfortably. Mat squeezed your hand a bunch of times to try to calm you down. Meeting your boyfriends parents was always a big deal, you want them to like you, to approve of the relationship. And in this situation even more since Mat was famous and rich and you weren’t. You didn’t want them to think you were just using him for his money.

His family arrived just shortly after you sat down. Mat waived them over and stood up to greet them. It had also been a while since he had seen them, since they only got to New York last night. He hugged his parents and sister and then pulled you to him to introduce you. “This is (y/n). That’s my mom and my dad. And you’ve met this monstrosity over there already.”

Liana hit him on his arm before pulling you into a hug. “So nice to see you again.”

“You too,” you said before turning back to is parents. “It’s really nice meeting you.” They both smiled and shook your hand.

After getting formalities out of the way you sat back down at the table. Mat lightly squeezed you thigh and gave you a quick smile. You smiled back at him, letting him know you were ok. And you really did get more comfortable as the conversation went on. You told them about yourself, so did they. Some childhood stories about Mat came up that either had you dying laughing or smiling like crazy. He obviously did not appreciate his old embarrassing stories, but he would have told you a hundred more to see you smile like that.

Long after you were done eating, you left the restaurant. Mat had to go back home to get ready for the game and you went with him. “So…? Wasn’t too bad, right?”

“Not bad at all! I really liked your parents, they’re really nice”, you answered him getting into his car.

“Good. It means a lot.” He smiled, pulling you in for a kiss. Then he started the car and drove back to his apartment. You usually stayed the night at his place on game days, because he ‘liked coming home to you.’ And you loved consoling him with many cuddles when they lost or reaping the benefits when they won. You both just wanted to spend every single free second of his busy schedule together.

“Look at the text Liana just sent me.” Mat held his phone in front of you on the elevator ride up to his apartment. Your eyes skimmed to the last text she’s sent him.

Liana: they definitely like her :)

Blushing slightly, you smiled up at him where he returned the smile. He pulled you in to kiss you. “Told you.”

You spent an hour at his apartment before he drove you both to the arena. You would hand out there until his family came, with whom you’d watch the game with. “Good luck! You got this.” You pressed your lips against his, melting away at that sweet feeling. “Thank you”, he mumbled back, holding on to you a little bit longer.

“Are you sure you’re ok watching the game with my family? You can always stay with Sydney and the rest. It’s not a problem at all!”, Mat said as he pulled away from your lips.

“No, it’s ok. I told you, I like them and I want to get to know them better.”

“Ok, but if you change your mind you can. No hard feelings, I want you to be comfortable.” You nodded and kissed him again.

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. Now go, you’ll be late!” He quickly kissed you again, before taking off to the locker rooms. You made your way to the family area, where you hung out with other wives and girlfriends until Mats family arrived.

It was still a little while to go until the game started and you passed the time by getting drinks and food and talking to his family. You eventually had to go to the bathroom to which Liana followed you. You really liked her and she made you very comfortable. She was very chatty and open so there was never really an awkward moment and you felt like you were already friends.

You stepped out of the stall first to wash your hands. You pulled your phone out of your purse after your hands were dry. In that exact moment you received a FaceTime call from Mat. “Ha, Mat is calling me right now.”

Liana laughed from the other side of the stall door. “I bet he’s making sure I’m not telling you the ski trip incident.”

“Ok, I’m coming back to that”, you said, taking a mental note of it, before answering the call. “Hi. Why are you calling me? Don’t you have a game that starts in not even an hour?”

“Yeah, but I have 5 more minutes before I need to get on the ice. So I just wanted to check and see if everything is ok.” You rolled your eyes on response.

“I’m great Mat, I don’t know what your so worried about.”

“I feel like I put you in an uncomfortable situation and I just want to make sure you’re good.” Your raised your eyebrows, challenging what he just said, and before putting it to words, he was already speaking again. “I know meeting the parents can be awkward and since I’m not there to make it better, I just want to let you know it’s ok to leave. And god, don’t even get me started on Li, sometimes she won’t shut up and I know-“

“Hey, I heard that.” Liana stepped out of the stall to the sink to wash her hands. You had to stop yourself from laughing.

“Where are you?”, Mat asked. “In the bathroom. With your sister. And we’re getting along great. So stop worrying.” It was adorable that he worried so much about you, but he should also relax a little, considering he had a game to play.

“Yeah, she’s fine. And I promise, if mom and dad say something weird, I’ll step in”, Liana said while drying her hands.

“See, I’ll be fine. Now, hang up and go get ready. And as much as I hate to say it, don’t think about me for the next few hours. Focus on the game, we want you to win.”

“I’ll always think about you”, he responded, smiling. God, he was beautiful. You blushed way hard, while Liana made a gagging sound next to you.

“Bye. Good luck! I love you”, you responded, still bright red. Then your eyes went wide, realizing what you just said. You quickly hung up on him, hoping that would somehow erase what you’d just said. Your hand covered your mouth in shock.

“What?” Liana asked.

“Shit, shit, shit.” “What? Are you ok?”

“Oh my god! I just said ‘I love you’ for the first time.” You slapped your forehead. “And over the phone.” You groaned.

You obviously didn’t mean to say it like this - in a public restroom over the phone and with his sister present right before and important game. Not that you didn’t love him. You always sort of loved him, but it hadn’t really clicked until a few days ago, when he came over to your apartment at 1 am with fast food. He’d gotten back from an away game that night and instead of going back to his place, he went to yours, because he didn’t want to be away from you any longer. You sat in bed together, eating (mostly him) and watching a movie, when you realized just how much you loved him. And how much you didn’t want to be away from him either.

“Well, that’s awkward.”

“Maybe he didn’t hear me.”

“I heard you. And unless the building has bad cell reception, which I know it doesn’t, he definitely heard you.” You groaned again. His sister laughed a little, but pulled you into a hug. “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. I know he feels that same way.”

You raised your eyebrows in question. “I know my brother. First of all, he doesn’t do the whole relationship thing often, so when he does, it has to be someone special. Second, the few weeks he spent in Vancouver away from you all he did was talk about you or smile at his phone texting you. And third, I see the way he looks at you and it’s ver obvious. That boy was whipped before he even knew it.”

You blushed. And your heart rate went crazy, just thinking about him. “I really like him.”

She smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Oh god. But what if it affects his game, now? He obviously wasn’t expecting me to say it and he might be shocked now. What if he plays terrible?” Guilt pooled in the pit of your stomach.

“Then that’s his fault. He’s a professional athlete, he has to separate personal feelings from his game. Plus, I don’t think it’ll affect him. Not negatively anyway. Come on, let’s go watch them warm up.”

You followed her out of the bathroom, praying Liana was right.

*****

The game went amazing. The Isles won 4:1 and Mat scored two goals.

After he scored the second goal, Liana wrapped an arm around you. “I would say, he was rather happy with your confession.” She winked. Seeing his smile on the monitor, you couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy that he scored, but also because you knew she was right. It was very hard not to find a way to get onto the ice and kiss Mat until you both couldn’t breath anymore.

“Don’t worry, we’ll leave now, so you can be alone with him”, Liana said as the arena started to empty. “I’ll just tell them I’m not feeling well, they’ll agree to leave.”

“No, stay and celebrate with him. That’s why you’re here.” She shook her head.

“No, we’ll see him tomorrow. I’m sure he doesn’t want to see us right now anyway.” “But-“ “No, but. We’ll see him tomorrow. Plus, we have to get back into the city, which is going to take forever. And if we stay, we’ll just get back later and I’m already tired.”

You didn’t believe her, but also didn’t see a point in arguing with her, since she already made up her mind and she seemed like the stubborn type. She left you to go talk to her parents and heard her say something about feeling sick and wanting to go back to the hotel as soon as possible. They immediately agreed, concerned for her well-being.

Once everything settled down and people started to leave, you walked with Mat’s family to where they would be exiting the arena. You hugged them goodbye, promising you’d go to dinner with them tomorrow night. You were really happy that his parents were so nice and that you had already established a connection with them. Mat is really close to his family, so you loved that you fit right in. As you made your way to the garage where his car was parked, you texted him where you would meet him. While you originally agreed to meet by the locker rooms, you didn’t want to be surrounded by so many people when you saw Mat for the first time after the last thing you said to him had been what you said.

You waited a while until you got a text back saying he was making his way to the car. And shortly after you saw him walk in with one of his teammates. He spotted you and his face lit up. You started feeling nervous all of the sudden, it only getting worse the closer he got to you. Mat gave his teammate a handshake goodbye before turning around to come see you.

“Hi.” Blushing out of nervousness and him being absolutely gorgeous, you answered him. “Hi.” He stood tall in front of you, his hockey back hung off of one shoulder.

“So-“ “Congra-“ You both said at the same time. “You first.” Mat was quicker this time.

“Congrats on winning! And scoring two goals! That’s amazing!” As you started to talk, all your nervousness left your body and was replaced by excitement. You flung yourself at him, and while caught off guard, Mat still caught you with ease. He chuckled and kissed the top of your head.

“Thank you. Yeah, pretty exciting scoring two goals in the home opener.” You nodded smiling up at him. Your noses touched and you stayed like this for a moment, just looking at each other. And this time - like any other - confirmed how in love you were with him.

He was the first to speak. “So… you love me, eh?” Your cheeks filled with blood and heated up pretty fast. “Hey.” He grabbed your chin and lifted it, so you were forced to look at him. “I love you, too.”

Not waiting for a reaction, he immediately kissed you. So much passion and love went into that kiss, you never wanted to let go. Kissing him felt like a high you didn’t want to come down from. The world seemed brighter with him in it, and you wanted to chase that feeling until the end of time. You were pressed together so close, nothing could fit between you.

“I love you”, he whispered again. “I love you. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while now.”

“Me too.” You kissed him again, addicted to the feeling. “I love you.” His chest tightened hearing you say it. And if it wasn’t for someone honking, you would have stayed there, kissing and confessing your feelings, for a while longer.

“Let’s go”, he finally said, pulling away from you. Mat opened the trunk and threw his bag inside.

“So… wanna tell me about your skiing incident?” You teased and pinched his arm. Mat made a face and walked to the driver’s seat door.

“I’m going to kill her.”