Tumgik
#i didn't say a lot about myself but oh well
hwaslayer · 3 days
Text
vivrant thing (jwy) | three.
Tumblr media
—SPOTIFY PLAYLIST / SERIES MASTERLIST
—SUMMARY: after getting into a little accident, wooyoung decides to do his sister a favor by pretending to be your date at the company summer party. as soon as the night ends, wooyoung would go back to his usual routine of hanging out with his boys, keeping his distance from committed relationships and being a typical brother to jiwoo. except, the favor comes with more than what wooyoung expects and he finds you occupying his mind more than usual. 
—PAIRING: jung wooyoung x f. reader
—GENRE: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriend’s brother au | fluff, angst, smut
—WORD COUNT: 6.6k
—CHAPTER CONTENT / WARNINGS: cussing, implied sexual content/mature language, dinner w/ yeosang!, feelings are laid out oof, alcohol consumption & slight intoxication, a bit more of jiwoo vs. wooyoung, use of pet names (princess, love, baby girl, baby), lots and lots of kissing, making out, mentions of marking, some dry humping, unprotected sex, slow sweet sex??, wooyoung pulls out 🫢
Tumblr media
So, you agree to the dinner with Yeosang but you don't expect how terrible it ends up playing out.
At first, it starts off well.
It felt like dinner wouldn't be so bad, and you enjoyed seeing Yeosang being his usual self from the car ride up to the restaurant. When he pulls into a spot in the parking lot and helps you out of the car, there is a bit of a difference in Yeosang's attitude. He slides his hand into yours as he leads the way into the restaurant and as much as you adore your bestfriend, it feels incredibly unnatural. 
It surely doesn't feel like Wooyoung's, but you shouldn't be thinking about that right now.
He continues to loosely hold your hand until the host brings you to a table near the back end of the restaurant. You didn't think tonight's dinner would be so fancy, but you were in your business casual attire straight out of work; it ended up working out well in the end. You scoot into the booth, with Yeosang on the other side. He immediately orders a bottle of white wine, which isn't really to your liking as you've learned, but you'll make do with what you have— especially to get through this dinner.
You order appetizers along with your main courses, indulging in good conversation with Yeosang as he tells you work updates and how he's being dragged to this really important meeting over the weekend with the board of directors by his team lead. 
It's all good. It's all fun and casual, until it isn't.
Meanwhile, Jiwoo stops by her brother's apartment to drop off some sushi from his favorite Japanese restaurant. It's her way of saying 'thank you' without actually having to say it out loud.
"What now?" Wooyoung swings his door open to see his sister standing there with a bag of food.
"Hi to you, too." She drops it on his kitchen counter. "Bought you food from Sushi Kashiwa." 
"Aw, just say it." He pretends to pout while she gives him a disgusted look and unties the bag.
"No. Besides, I bought myself some food and am gonna enjoy it right here." She lays out the containers and grabs her own. "My friends decided to leave me out of a very important dinner tonight."
"What are you talking about?" He pops open the lid to his sushi container and wastes no time digging in.
"Y/N went to dinner with Yeosang. I guess to talk about stuff going on between them, I don't know." Wooyoung pauses mid-chew, the statement hitting him right in his gut. He's not sure why he's sad— maybe he's right after all. Maybe this just ended up being a temporary one night thing that would eventually wash away.
Sucks it doesn't necessarily feel that way for Wooyoung.
He can't assume, though. Hopefully, you're talking to Yeosang and giving him the honest 'i think we should just stay friends' talk instead of the 'let's just see where this goes' talk. He'd appreciate the universe if it could give him this one thing; he'll stop running his parents' last nerve and will never look at a booty ever again.
Maybe.
"Oh." Is all Wooyoung says before stuffing another piece into his mouth. "Why would you even be there, Jiwoo? That doesn't concern you."
"Anything with my friends concerns me."
"Let them talk it out without your loud, nosey ass interrupting." She rolls her eyes, scrolling through her phone as she also continues to eat.
"I haven't gotten any new texts from her. I wonder if it's going well. Maybe they're gonna explore this after all."
"Who says?" Wooyoung responds a little too quickly, a little too sharply, for his liking. His sister doesn't seem to catch on, though. That's great.
"I dunno, beats me. I'm just taking all angles into consideration."
"Stop projecting. She seemed to be pretty set on her decision at the party."
"You never know." She says in a sing-song tone that irks Wooyoung a little more than usual this evening. "You're right, though. She is set on her decision. I just hope he takes it well." She sets her phone aside. "Anyway. How'd you like the party?"
"Gotta admit, it was fun."
"You really looked like Y/N's date. I had a few people ask me if you two were dating."
"Uh, I mean I was her date? And why would they ask when I already told them yes?" He jokes, just to push his sister's buttons.
"No way." Jiwoo continues to eat away at her food, texting Hongjoong in the midst of it. "Y/N is too good for you."
"No one is too good for anyone. Don't speak on shit you don't know."
"I know her!"
"And I know her, too!"
"I know her the best." Wooyoung rolls his eyes.
"Still doesn't mean you know everything about her."
"Ew, why are you getting so defensive tonight?" He shakes his head, feeling the irritation within him grow the more Jiwoo presses it. He knows he isn't the best man to walk this Earth, but he also knows he'd be good to you. Good for you. He's been thinking about it a lot and he hates that he is— none of this makes sense to him, but he knows he'd be good.
"Don't you have to go see Hongjoong?"
"Once he's off, yeah." Jiwoo sips on her water. "What're you doing tonight? Getting into more shit with Choi San?"
"No, he's actually visiting his parents."
"Hm." She hums. "No booty call coming over?"
"No. Even if there was, you would not be getting that information." She scoffs.
"Grow up, Wooyoung."
"Grow up, Wooyoung." He mocks her. "Says the one who made the wild claim based off of nothing."
"You're so annoying." She tosses her sushi container into his trash before washing her cup of water. Despite their usual bickering, Jiwoo stays for a bit longer until Hongjoong texts her and lets her know he's finally off of work after putting in some overtime. Jiwoo helps tidy up Wooyoung's space before she's waving goodbye [aka flipping him off] and slamming his door shut. Wooyoung plops back onto his couch with the remainder of his food resting on the coffee table, scrolling through his phone. He goes through your texts, wondering if he should say anything or keep silent. He smiles to himself when he sees the pictures you've passed along from the photographer. He sees you've posted the picture with him on your Instagram and it tugs at his heart because not only do you rarely use Instagram, but you took that opportunity to post your pictures from the party— including the one where you've got your hand resting on his chest while he has an arm around you. He was happy to see you happy and comfortable. Having fun. 
You glowed. 
He'll never forget it.
—OLD TEXTS
you: hi! they uploaded the pics from the party!
you: *sends a group of pics at once*
wooyoung: yo goddamn!? we look good!
wooyoung: you look so pretty. 😍
you: 😀 stop !!
wooyoung: i'm so serious, good LORD. 😮‍💨
you: i'm blocking you.....
wooyoung: woah now, hey i'm kiddddding....
wooyoung: not really! but don't block me! i just can't help it!
you: you're too much 😂
wooyoung: can i post these?
you: go for it!
wooyoung: thank you ☺️
He sighs as he reaches the end of the thread.
He won't say anything. He'll let this unfold as it should, but it doesn't mean he can't be sad about it. Cause he sure as hell is and he's a bit anxious. Hopefully, you'll tell Yeosang the truth. Hopefully, you won't force yourself into anything you don't want or feel uncomfortable with.
As for you, the dinner really takes its turn for the worse after you and Yeosang eat away at your main meals, a pregnant silence falling between you two after a good hour of just talking and yapping away about life. You already knew it was coming at this point, you were just hoping you'd buy a little more time [as if you could put it off even more]. 
"So." He says awkwardly to cut the silence.
"Mhm?"
"Did you really enjoy the party?"
"I did. Did you?"
"Yeah. I just—" He looks at you with his head cocked to the side. "I was just surprised seeing you with Wooyoung." You pause before poking at your pasta and taking a small bite. 
"Oh yeah, it was relatively last minute."
"Jiwoo's plan?"
"Why do you say that? Do you genuinely think Wooyoung wouldn't go with me?" You ask, a little offended at the way he sounds cause even though it was clearly planned and arranged, the insinuation from Yeosang doesn't hurt any less. 
"No, not like that— I'm sorry, it came out of nowhere and caught me off guard. That's all." You cock a brow up. 
"It just happened that way. Wooyoung wanted to go and I wanted to go in the end." Is all you respond with, chugging your second glass of wine before pouring yourself more. You really don't like the taste of this white wine either, but you'll take it cause it's better than sitting here without an ounce of alcohol to push you through. Give you more courage to finish the evening on a decent note, to be honest. "I had a really fun time, regardless."
"I saw." He pauses. "I wish you would've at least told me instead of showing up like that." 
"I'm sorry."
"I think it's time for me to be honest and stop watching from the sidelines because I.. really like you, Y/N." His shoulders droop just as he sets his fork and knife down neatly onto the plate. You take the last bite of your meal before sipping on more wine to wash it down.
"I should have told you, but I didn't want to hurt you. Even if I did tell you, it wouldn't have changed anything."
"It wouldn't? Why wouldn't it have changed anything? I thought we might've had a chance." He's confused. He looks like he was expecting a completely different outcome, and that might've been your fault for not telling him right away. But, the moment is here now and you know you can't push it off any longer.
"No. I just.. I just can't, Yeo. I'm sorry." You barely get yourself to respond out of fear. You knew Yeosang wasn't the type to react— if anything, he'd be the most understanding. Though, it doesn't change the fact that you were still scared. You felt bad. You didn't want to hurt him, and you wanted to avoid this confrontation as much as possible even though you knew you needed to face it sooner than later. "I truthfully think we're good with where we're at, and I don't think we should mess that up. I love the way we are as good friends, bestfriends, and that's how I've always seen us." You can see the disappointment growing on his face every second, but he's trying hard to keep it under wraps while he briefly waves the waitress down for the check.
"C-can I ask? You can be honest." You silently nod. "Is it Wooyoung?" You shake your head.
"It was never about Wooyoung. Just us. Well, me. You're amazing, and you deserve the best. You deserve someone who is sure about you and who will reciprocate those feelings to no end. I'm sorry that I can't be that person, but at the same time, I know I can be your friend just like I always have been. That's what I can give you, and I hope you understand." You tell him softly. "I'm sorry." You repeat, feeling the tears brimming your bottom lids. "I should've opened up earlier. I really hope this doesn't change things between us."
"It won't, but I hope you understand it'll take me some time to move past it. I'm sorry for assuming or for— yeah." He shakes his thoughts away.
"Take all the time you need." He gives you a tiny, toothless smile.
"Anyway." Yeosang signs off on the receipt before tucking his card back into his wallet and standing. "Let's get you home."
"Okay." You shimmy out of the booth to head out of the restaurant. This time, Yeosang doesn't hold your hand. In fact, he trails behind you, keeping at a safe distance. You can immediately see the change— how stiff and awkward he's become. You don't blame him for it; he's hurting and you know he needs his space more than anything. 
You can't wait to get home.
The ride is fucking awful. It's the most quiet you've seen Yeosang. The most closed-off and serious he's ever been towards you. His hand is clutching the wheel tightly, but the music is comforting enough to fill the void. You continue to look out of the passenger's window, keeping to yourself until Yeosang asks about your plans for the rest of the weekend. There isn't much going on for you, so that conversation dies quickly. Luckily for you, Yeosang is about to pull up to your street. He stops the car by your building, shifting the gear to park before helping you out of the car. You give him a small, sympathetic smile before pulling him into a hug— giving his back a gentle rub.
"Sleep well, alright? I'll see you next week."
"You too." With that, he walks off, waiting until you at least unlock and crack your door open. When you get a whiff of your candle that you lit up earlier in the morning, you realize you don't really wanna stay home right now; to sulk, to drown in your thoughts alone, to have to listen to the loudness in a quiet space. So, you shut the door again, head back down the steps and walk to the convenience store nearby. You grab a bottle of yogurt soju, along with your favorite chips and strawberry cheesecake ice cream bar— plopping yourself down onto one of the tables right outside the store. You're quick to crack open the bottle and drink away, also eating away at the chips since you didn't feel incredibly satisfied with the dinner earlier. It might've just been all the emotions and tension in the air, but anywho, the chips and the soju taste better than ever. Sooner or later, you find yourself tipsier, cheeks lit on fire, hands clammy; barely hitting the halfway point with the soju bottle. You lazily scroll through your phone as you begin to eat away at the ice cream bar, revisiting those party pictures.
You wonder what Wooyoung is doing, but you shouldn't be thinking about that right now.
"Ugh." You whine and pout to yourself, pulling up your texts to see if Jiwoo can come to your rescue. You opted for listing Jiwoo and Wooyoung as Jung 1 and Jung 2 to keep it easy and simple; except, it obviously doesn't work well in this case when you accidentally pull up the text with Jung 2 instead of Jung 1 while you wipe away at the tears that suddenly begin to stream down your cheeks.
you: oof .... that dinner was kinda awful i feel terrible
you: kinda?! not even kinda it WAS awfullll
you: i'm sitting outside of our fav convenience store by my olace
you: eating strawberry cheesecake ice cfream!!
you: jiwooooooo
you: jung 1!!!!
Wooyoung furrows his brows at the constant dinging of his phone, unsure of who the hell could be blowing up his phone right now. He even sits for a minute, wondering if there's anybody he's pissed off in the last few days [besides his sister].
"Hm." He hums when he comes up with nothing, nobody. He picks up the phone and scrolls through the previews, chuckling to himself when he sees your name pop up on the screen. Clearly by accident.
you: jiwoo jung 1 pls help come to my rescue it was not good! idk if yeo n i will be friens still ☹️☹️☹️
wooyoung: sorry to break it to you sweetheart, but this is jung 2. 😙
wooyoung: also i won't hold it against you that i've been slotted as number 2 when i should be number 1 esp after the party. 🫤 but it's cool or whatever......
You squint at the brightness of your phone, slowly eating away at your strawberry cheesecake ice cream bar. You almost drop the damn thing when you realize you've actually been blowing up the wrong phone, horrified it had to be Wooyoung, too.
He must think you're a gem, truly.
He does, though. In a very good, non-sarcastic way.
you: omggg i'm so sorry wooyoung jung 2 ☹️
you: i mean jung 1 technically
wooyoung: lol no worries, don't be sorry. you okay?
you: yes but no?
wooyoung: stay put.
You cock a brow up in confusion, wondering if Wooyoung was telling you to stay put because he was on his way or because he just needed you to get yourself together. You listen anyway, sitting on the little chair outside of the convenience store, silently eating away at your ice cream with your phone lit on your lap. You completely forget about texting Jiwoo amidst all of this, assuming she's busy anyway. The wind is slowly picking up, cooling the tip of your nose and surface of your cheeks— settling the heat from the soju.  You shiver and run a hand down your arm, hoping the wind slows in between its waves. You continue to mindlessly scroll through your phone, even picking up your game of Wordle for the day. Just as you get lost in thought, a car parks in a spot in between your building and the convenience store. You look up as you bite into the last of your ice cream bar, hearing the muffled bass from the music in the car. Wooyoung steps out in a grey hoodie and matching sweats, a black beanie on his head. He approaches you with a small smile with his hands dug deep into his pockets, crouching to your level as he continues to look at you.
"W-Wooyoung." You hiccup as you sit on the bench, setting your trash down next to you. Wooyoung gives you a small smile, thumb wiping away at your tears.
"Wanna tell me why you've been out here eating ice cream alone?" He eyes your snacks of choice. "And.. a half bottle of soju and chips? I thought you had dinner with Yeosang."
"I did, and it was terrible and sad." You sniff. "Well, not the food. I just couldn't enjoy it as much. I even tried to drink that bitter white wine he ordered just to get me through."
"And you're drinking soju now? Really must have been that bad."
"Bad bad." You pout and he laughs.
"I'm sorry." He gives your thigh a gentle squeeze before patting it. "Come on, let's get you home." He stands, holding out his hand. You gladly take it in yours, his thumb swiping over your knuckles in an attempt to try and warm it up. He grabs the soju and the chips in his other, leading the way to your building. He quietly heads up the steps, stepping aside and letting go of your hand to let you open your door. When you step back into the warmth of your studio, you instantly kick off your shoes and slip into your slippers—lighting up your candle to bring more heat into the room.
"I'm gonna set your chips and soju aside." Wooyoung says, tightly tying your chips close so it doesn't get stale before setting your bottle of soju aside in the fridge.
"Thank you." You set your bag down and let out a sigh.
"Glad I was able to get you home safely." He chuckles a bit, jingling his keys in his hand. You don't want Wooyoung to leave, especially after he made the effort to get dressed and come to your rescue.
"Wooyoung?" He cocks a brow up when you turn to face him. "Can you stay?" He takes a moment before he nods, unsure how he could turn you down with you looking up at him that way. 
So innocently. So delicately. Eyes yearning for company you can be comforted with, need to be comforted with.
"Yeah, of course. As long as you're okay with me poking around and making some food." You giggle and nod.
"Go for it." You grab your pajamas. "I'm gonna take a quick shower. Feel free to get comfortable and flip through the channels." You turn on the TV for him before shutting yourself within the bathroom walls to shower and get comfy for the evening. 
As you shower and get ready for bed that evening, you hear Wooyoung humming and singing a Blackstreet song to himself in your kitchen. After brushing your teeth, you finish up the last of your skincare routine before heading back outside.
"Finally." Wooyoung turns over his shoulder and quickly scans you from head to toe. "I was getting lonely."
"I didn't even take that long."
"It was long. You and Jiwoo take the longest showers known to man." He frowns a bit, making you giggle to yourself. You plop on your couch, now in your oversized crewneck and pajama pants. You're no longer tipsy, probably a little too sober for your liking especially knowing Wooyoung is in your studio. You do find his company comforting, though. You feel bad he had to come and rescue you, but you'd rather be here than anywhere else after that dinner with Yeosang. You tuck your legs to your chest, flipping through the tv channels only to land on Kiki's Delivery Service. It's already 20 minutes in, but it doesn't bother you knowing the movie so well. Wooyoung is still going through your stash of food, pulling out a bowl of jajangmyeon. While he waits for the hot water to properly cook the noodles, he dices up some pickled radish and some cucumbers, and quickly boils two eggs to perfection. When the noodles are done, he sets everything into the bowl neatly before grabbing a cold water bottle and plopping onto the couch next to you.
"What'd you do today?" You look at him just as he starts digging into the bowl.
"Work. Then Jiwoo came earlier in the night with some food from my favorite Japanese spot."
"Sushi Kashiwa?"
"Aw, you know?" Wooyoung smirks.
"Because Jiwoo has mentioned it one too many times." You chuckle. "That's cute, though."
"She only did it cause she was waiting for Hongjoong to get out of work. And to kiss my ass about the party."
"And because she loves you." He fake shivers.
"Ew. Please don't say that again." He looks at you and you snort. "Want a bite? I made it for us to share in case you were still hungry." He edges his chopsticks your way, watching as you shake your head in response.
"I'm good. Thank you though, Woo."
"Suit yourself, princess. I whipped up a good one." You laugh, settling into the couch as you continue to watch the movie. Wooyoung catches you slipping your sleeves over your palms in his peripherals and although he's pretty warm and cozy in your studio, you must still feel cold. He hurriedly slurps up the remaining of the noodles before gulping the entirety of his water bottle down. He lets out a noise that makes you laugh, kicking his head back in satisfaction. "Damn, that was good."
"Glad you enjoyed." You poke his arm and he smiles. "Is this movie okay with you?"
"Yeah, of course. Can never go wrong with Studio Ghibli movies. Unless, you're down to watch something scary?"
"Never." 
"Why not? I'm here."
"But, whatever scary movie we'll watch, it'll live in my head for the next few days and you won't be here."
"I could be, you just have to call me and I'll come. Like tonight."
"Wooyoung." You pout. "Today's was an accident."
"So, you didn't want me to come? That's funny, cause I didn't see another text from you after I told you to stay put, baby girl." He smirks and you shake your head shyly.
"I'm sorry." You continue to fiddle with your sleeves.
"Don't be. I'm just teasing, I wanted to come."
"Thank you. I needed it." You finally manage to let out as you look at him and scooch a little closer. He gives you a tiny smile before shifting his attention back to the TV, the both of you engaging in small talk about the characters here and there.
At some point, Wooyoung subtly inches in and closes off any gaps, quietly slipping his arm behind you. You silently chuckle to yourself when you see him playing it off, acting as if he hadn't done anything to get closer to you. But, the whole thing feels.. nice. It feels safe. It feels warm. Wooyoung really isn't expecting anything out of this— he is testing the waters to see how comfortable you'd be with him, but that's truly it. That's the intention. Just to make you feel comfortable and better after tonight's dinner. He definitely wasn't expecting you to lean your head against him, snuggling up to him as closely as possible. 
"You okay? Comfortable?" He asks softly. You look up at him and nod, settling back into your position on him.
"Mhm. You're warm." He laughs a bit when he hears that, keeping you close. As the movie continues with the both of you watching silently, you find yourself shifting in your position; arm fully coming around Wooyoung's torso. He doesn't mind one bit. As a matter of fact, he loves that you've gotten comfortable enough to do so.
He drops his arm down from the edge of the couch, holding you from behind as the movie continues to play. He gently rubs at your side before his hand falls to your hips. You feel Wooyoung's hand gently squeeze at it before sneaking right underneath your sweater. You freeze, but more so because you're surprised by his touch— not because you don't want him to be right where he is.
"Are you feeling better?"
"I don't know. I just feel bad." You say, eyes still on the TV ahead while you slowly began to relax in his hold.
"You were honest with him, right?" Wooyoung asks as a simple way to poke for more information and get you to open up about dinner. "Wanna tell me how the dinner went?" He traces faint, soft circles on your bare side.
"I was, and I guess that's why I feel bad. It started off fine. We went to the restaurant and we were talking as we always do. Random topics, jokes, going on about life updates. It went downhill when we got our food. It was quiet for a little bit and I knew he was thinking about what to say or how to say it." You pause. "He asked if I enjoyed the party. I said yes, then he asked if it was Jiwoo's plan." Wooyoung cocks a brow.
"What'd you say?"
"I got kinda defensive." You sigh, leaving out the whole moment of you asking Yeo if he thought Wooyoung wouldn't genuinely go to a party with you. "But anyway, I said you wanted to go.. and so did I. And I had a fun time with you."
"Atta girl." He laughs a bit. "And then?"
"He apologized and said he just wished I told him instead of surprisingly showing up. Then.. he laid it out. Said he had feelings for me and couldn't watch on the sidelines anymore. He felt like there could've been a chance, which was probably my fault for keeping that door open for too long." You sit up and face him, Wooyoung's arm still lazily holding you from behind. "I told him that even if I told him about the party beforehand, it wouldn't have changed anything because I couldn't. I liked us the way we were and that we were good as bestfriends. He deserved someone who was sure of him and who could reciprocate his feelings wholeheartedly."
"Then, you didn't do anything wrong, Y/N." You shrug before subconsciously grabbing a piece of lint on Wooyoung's hoodie and flicking it off. 
"He asked something else."
"Which was?"
"He asked if this was about you, a-and I said no." You avoid eye contact and lick your lips out of nervousness. 
"I see." Wooyoung smiles a bit before shifting up in his seat to get closer to you. He leans his cheek onto the palm of his hand, his arm that was behind you is now on the back of the couch— elbow resting on the edge. "Why can't you look at me?" He smirks teasingly.
"I am." You look at him for a minute before shifting your eyes elsewhere in the living room. 
"Was it really not about me, hm?" He hums, brushing the hair away from your face and tucking it behind your ear. "You can tell me, love." He tries to pull you closer by the hand, and you let him.
"Can I?" His eyes quickly shift to the way you play around with his fingers.
"Course."
"Maybe it was."
"Just maybe?" He looks at your lips. "You think that's why you feel bad?" Brief pause. "That you might actually have feelings for me and you couldn't tell him that part?"
"Maybe." You repeat, his lips only inches away from yours. "Isn't that kinda silly?"
"No? I still don't think you did anything wrong, Y/N."
"Really, Woo?" There you go asking him so sweetly again. It's at this point when Wooyoung feels like he can no longer contain himself because you're giving him the answer he had been looking for; straight on a silver platter. 
"Mhm. As far as I know, you were honest when it came to him. What's between us is our business and not his." He says, his tone just barely above a whisper. You don't really know what comes over you, maybe you did have a little bit of liquid courage still running through your veins especially cause what happens next catches you slightly off-guard. You're so sure about your feelings for him, but unsure about Wooyoung's and how he even feels. This could all be a game that he plays, something he does with other women even if he says it isn't.
Guess it doesn't matter much right now. Can't, anyways.
Within the next second, you find yourself initiating the first kiss with Wooyoung; a kiss that feels long overdue. You lean forward and press your lips against his own soft, plump lips, quickly pulling back to get ready and apologize—
But, he doesn't let you. 
He chases after you.
He cups your cheeks and brings you back, thumb gently caressing the surface of your cheek. You haven't kissed someone like this in awhile, but with Wooyoung, it feels.. right. 
Everything about Wooyoung feels right and natural.
He tries to take it slow with you, even when you crawl onto his lap and wrap your arms around him. The kiss becomes more heated, lips bruising from the rising intensity, hunger. Wooyoung slowly slips his tongue in, and hearing a small whimper from you in response only has him gripping your hips harder.
He quickly learns he likes kissing you.
"Been waiting to do this." He says against your lips.
"Have you?" You ask, your tone filled with lust as you continue to peck him with small, repeated kisses.
"Just didn't wanna scare you away."
"You wouldn't have."
"Have to be extra careful with you, baby. You aren't just anybody." The pet name rolls off his tongue so easily that it makes your head tilt back as the desire builds. He continues to hold you close as you slowly roll your hips against him, Wooyoung now kissing your jaw before gently sucking and licking on the surface of your neck;
The column, your throat.
You feel him come to the base and suck a little harder, and you're hoping it doesn't leave much of a mark. If it does, it doesn't fucking matter to you right now— nothing does. Because all you want is for Wooyoung to devour you. To give you everything, to ruin you so good.
"Is this okay? I don't wanna do anything you're not comfortable with—"
"Keep going, Wooyoung. Please." You cut him off. It takes a second for Wooyoung to register your pleading, that 'please' being the one thing that flips his switch. It's not only a want, but a heavy craving. He's got some sort of eagerness to show you just what you've been missing.
"Hold onto me." He says, lifting you with ease as he carries you over to your bed and plops you onto the mattress. He slowly crawls over you, his warm, large hands now cascading up your sweatshirt. Your breathing hitches when he reaches just above your rib cage, and Wooyoung stops when he feels your body tense in his grip. "You sure you're okay?" He presses a kiss to your forehead, down to your nose, your lips. He looks you in the eye with slight concern, afraid of scaring you. The last thing he wants you to think is that he's purely using you for other reasons— when it's definitely more than that.
Wooyoung wants to show you, in case he's bad at voicing his feelings. Cause he can be, clearly. But, he could at least show you and take care of you properly.
"I am."
"You trust me, yeah?" You swallow the lump in your throat as you nod, continuing to keep contact with Wooyoung. "I'll take care of you as long as you let me."
"I want you to." This time, Wooyoung dips forward to lock you into another deep, fervent kiss. His hands are finally roaming further up; Wooyoung letting out a low groan when he finds out you're braless. His thumb swipes over your hardened nipple, tongues fighting for dominance while your hands are tangled in the ends of his hair. You toss his beanie off just as he starts to tug your crewneck over your head and you follow suit with his hoodie. He nibbles on your jaw just before sucking harshly on the skin of your neck. His hand travels down and slips into your pajama pants, fingers delicately rubbing at your clothed pussy that sends a million jolts down your spine. You twitch in response, and Wooyoung can't help but chuckle against your neck.
"So reactive." He teases.
"It's been awhile, Woo."
"And? That's fine, baby. Told you I'd take good care of you." He raises himself slightly to watch your reaction in real-time. "Does that feel good?" He asks, close to a whisper. 
"Yes." You bite your bottom lip and shut your eyes, sighing in satisfaction.
"God. Can feel how wet you are already." Wooyoung feels himself getting painfully hard against your thigh, imagining how tight you are. He doesn't wanna waste another moment, and he thinks he'll lose it if he isn't inside of you within the next few seconds. "Let's take this off, hm?" He hums, hands already tugging your panties and pajama pants down. "Do you have a condom?"
"Don't need it. I'm on the pill." 
"You're sure? I'm clean, but I'll do whatever you're okay with. Just say the word." He asks again to be extra sure.
"I am, I'm sure." You nod eagerly. The pill was mainly to help regulate your heavy, irregular periods, but you'd say you do appreciate it a little more now for this particular reason.
"You're so hot, jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung doesn't say anything else before he's keenly kissing you again, hastily getting out of his sweats. 
Sooner or later, the rest of Wooyoung's clothes are joining yours on the floor; Wooyoung not wasting any seconds reattaching his lips to yours after slipping them off. 
Wooyoung pauses when he sees you fixed on his length— eyes hazy and full of desire. It's giving Wooyoung the biggest fucking ego boost, but that's not important. He strokes himself a few times before lining up with your entrance. He slowly eases himself in, the both of you letting out lewd moans as you both adjust to the feeling. You're tightly wrapped around him and Wooyoung has to keep his composure as he buries himself deep to the hilt. Wooyoung keeps his pace slow and steady; forehead pressed against yours as he thrusts into you. It's nothing rushed, everything about it is slow— so tender, so careful. 
So safe.
"Wooyoung." You moan his name and his brain short-circuits every time you say it the way you do. On top of that, your little whimpers are doing a number on him, but he's trying to keep it together for awhile longer. 
"Doing so well for me, love." He gently bites your chin just as he slightly picks up his pace. He hovers a bit, lips coming back up to meet you in a sweet kiss. He holds it for a minute longer, tongue swiping over your lips as he rolls his hips into you. 
It's intimate. 
It's deep. 
It's raw. 
It's nothing he'd do to his booty calls, no. Everything about those moments are forced and rushed, the end goal having to nut as quickly as possible and get them the hell out of his space.
With you, he's loving every second. He wants to relish in the way your walls feel around him, wants to relish in the way your fingers thread through his hair, wants to relish in the way you kiss him so slowly, so passionately. Like every kiss holds the answers to the universe and you're afraid you'll miss a single detail.
He rests his nose, lips, against your cheek just as he releases a shaky breath, still taking his time as he works his way with you. He comes down to your neck and leaves feathery pecks against the surface while his body is pressed flushed against yours. He turns his head and you've fully wrapped your arms around him. The pace is perfect, with Wooyoung working his hips in circular motions just to hit you in all the right places. He praises you as you continue to moan for him, pretty little mewls slipping from your lips while he tells you how captivating, how angelic, you are for him.
How perfect you are for him.
You find your hips have a mind of their own, working to match Wooyoung's movements. You feel the pleasure building quick at your core, and you know it won't take long from there.
"Wooyoung— just like that, please—oh my god." You sob. While he continues to expertly thrust into you and keep you close, the friction against him causes the coil within you to snap harshly, nails digging deep into Wooyoung's shoulders while he thrusts harder, a bit rougher, to meet his high. 
"F-fuck, baby. I'm about to—" He moans a little louder when he feels you clench a few times around him from the aftershock, quickly pulling out and releasing onto your pussy and abdomen. "Shit—fuck." He pants, finally coming back down from euphoria to see how mesmerizing you look splayed out beneath him; white ribbons of cum painted on your skin. He's completely enamored by you. "Mm'sorry babygirl, let's get you cleaned up." You giggle and shake your head.
"Please, it's fine. Stop looking, you're making me shy again."
"Don't be. You look beautiful." He laughs, slipping on his boxers. "Let me clean you up." He runs to your bathroom to grab some wipes, doing a light jog to clean you up well. You grab your panties and your crewneck after he's done— throwing them on and snuggling under your covers. You fully expect Wooyoung to get dressed and leave [which would suck], but he doesn't. You quietly watch as he shuts off your TV and the lights, going to the bathroom for a quick wash up. Afterwards, he immediately slips underneath your covers right next to you, pulling you onto his chest.
"You're staying?"
"Why wouldn't I?" He chuckles. "C'mere." He pulls you closer. "Sleepy?"
"Incredibly." He smiles.
"I put in some work, huh?"
"Wooyoung." You pout, lightly smacking his chest.
"I'm just joking." He subtly bites his lip. "Can I have one more kiss before we sleep?" You lean up and peck him on the lips a few times, with Wooyoung holding the last kiss before pulling away. "Goodnight, pretty girl."
"Goodnight." You mumble, falling asleep within seconds as you cuddle snuggly against him. Because with Wooyoung, it feels.. right.
Everything about Wooyoung feels right and natural.
Tumblr media
—TAGLIST: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @heyitsmetonid @ldysmfrst @intaksfav @wooyoungsbrat @hyukssunflower @yunhoswrldddd
269 notes · View notes
Note
broken earth's Alabaster has already been submitted, so i'll turn the spotlight onto Essun, one of the main pov characters from the same series! fanart by @verywildthing:
Tumblr media
as with Alabaster, it's difficult to explain much about these characters without spoiling anything, but i'll give it a go. Essun is an orogene, someone with the power to sense and manipulate the movements of the earth, in a world where orogenes are feared and heavily oppressed and controlled. she's managed to escape detection by living in a small rural town. unfortunately, when the series kicks off, her non-orogene husband has killed their orogene son and apparently kidnapped their orogene daughter. oh, and also the literal apocalypse is happening at the same time.
Essun is powerful. she's smart. she still has a lot to learn. she's stubborn and determined. she's an imperfect parent. she loves her children dearly. she's extremely traumatized by the things she's been through. she knows full well that the world isn't fair, and god forbid anybody get in her way when she decides to step in.
multiple characters get chapters in their perspectives throughout the series, but only Essun's are in second person - "you". the reason it's told this way is a spoiler, but there is a very good reason, and it punched me right in the feels when i finally figured it out. i periodically read negative reviews of my favorite books, because sometimes people do make valid criticisms i hadn't considered before, but there are so many people turning away from broken earth because of the second person perspective. the author, N.K. Jemisin, has stated that by writing Essun, she "wanted readers to accept a protagonist who was an 'unlikeable' fortysomething woman of color." there are clearly a lot of readers who didn't get on board with that, but Jemisin definitely succeeded in that goal with me.
i love this series so much. anyone who needs content warnings should definitely look them up before reading, because these books get dark. but they are very, very much worth the read imo.
She's 😳😳😳
Let's talk about how you stumbled onto the quiet part out loud! Many people do not "see themselves" in characters of color, especially those that make decisions they don't like. Meanwhile, the rest of us have been forced into the perspective of whiteness, whether we agreed or not. But being a woman of color, especially a Black woman- I can confidently say most people wouldn't have the stomach or the steel for it. And discomfort makes many people angry, so... If reading is the closest I can get to putting myself in someone else's shoes...
22 notes · View notes
changingplumbob · 1 day
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Glenn: Well goodbye BooBoo. I need to go find Marisol. I think Elise said she was by the river?
BooBoo: *meows*
Putting his hands in his pockets Glenn heads away from the buildings towards the river. He can feel going through the protective barriers, like walking through mist. There are no spells he has to say to get out. The protection is about stopping things getting in. So far, it's worked. Some townsfolk walk beyond the edges of the property but always turn or stop before walking in. Glenn feels a bit guilty that less people can experience the beauty of the park but if they were discovered here there could be backlash. Not everyone was friendly towards occults even if the humans had begun to tolerate them.
Tumblr media
As he approached where the river ran south of the property he saw a bundle of yellow and blue. Walking over he saw another spellcaster covering her dog with kisses.
Glenn: I'm not interrupting am I
Marisol: Not at all, I was just calming Sandy down after her bath
Glenn: She just had a bath? She looks dry
Marisol: Well I always move all the water off afterwards don't I
Sandy: *barks in agreement*
Tumblr media
Marisol: Do you need help with something?
Glenn: Oh, no, I just... I've met everyone else in the coven and figured it was only polite to introduce myself
Marisol: A man with manners? Sandy approves
Sandy: *barks*
Marisol: It's Glenn right? Howard's grandson?
Glenn: That's me
Glenn bends down to say hello to Sandy while Marisol shifts awkwardly.
Marisol: I'm sorry you didn't get your guy
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Glenn: Well if you listen to Ophelia he was never meant to be mine
Marisol: I listen to her most of the time. Sometimes she seems brilliant and other times...
Glenn: She's a few marbles short?
Marisol: Yes! All the best people are of course but it does make it hard to maintain a conversation now and then
Glenn: Why are you all the way out here? I thought everyone was busy studying stuff
Marisol: The coven isn't an institution. We don't stick to a set schedule of chaining ourselves to desks
Tumblr media
Glenn: Sorry. I didn't mean to sound disapproving
Marisol: I know, I'm just antsy
Glenn: Oh?
Marisol sighed wistfully and turned to face the buildings. The pair were able to see them of course but no one else could.
Marisol: I've found I'm not good with change. We were at the last location for a long time. It feels like we've only been here for a heartbeat, it's still so new and unfamiliar
Sandy: *whines*
Marisol: I know the magic realm is only ever a step away but... it's different when your home base changes
Tumblr media
Glenn: You don't consider leaving
Marisol: And what? Going backwards just me and Sandy?
Glenn: If you're not happy here-
Marisol: I will be. I can feel it. It's the change that's a difficulty. How about you, do you consider leaving?
Glenn: I don't know
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Marisol: Sure you do. The idea has either entered your brain or it hasn't
Sandy: *barks in agreement*
Glenn: I guess... I guess there's just a lot of the world out there that seems interesting but it's still dangerous
Marisol: Some places are better than others for our kind
Glenn: I guess I just want a nice spot to grow a garden... and fall in love... and raise a family. Why did I just tell you that?
Marisol: *chuckles* It's Sandy, she puts everyone at ease
Tumblr media
Glenn: Maybe I should get a dog
Sandy: *barks approvingly*
Glenn: Then again it's enough of a task keeping me looking gorgeous
Marisol: Don't worry if you feel out of place Glenn, it's a feeling I'm familiar with and will either pass or you'll move on
Glenn: Like die?
Marisol: *giggling* No, like move elsewhere. Willow Creek is not the only place in the world with dirt and plants I bet
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Glenn: I know. My grandfather thinks I should stay for a bit though. I've never really done much focusing of my magic beyond gardening so it could be useful to learn some more. No point having a family if I can't protect them
Marisol: Hunting has been outlawed you know
Glenn: Yeah but society can take time to. Growing up... we moved so much. Hunting was illegal then to but it didn't stop irate townsfolk accusing us of stealing their livestock or killing their plants
Marisol: *scoffs* Like a Sutherland would ever kill a plant
Glenn: That's what grandfather told them! Still, small minds have small ideas
Tumblr media
Previous ... Next
23 notes · View notes
mekanikaltrifle · 15 hours
Text
Everyone who's ever worked in retail has their baffling stories about customers, and I have one I think you may enjoy.
About six years ago, I was working in a well-known UK cancer charity's shop. Lots of those here in the British Isles and usually they're frequented by anyone looking for weird old stuff or students, or the perpetually skint. Pretty standard stuff, and I liked the clientele because many were very polite and friendly eastern europeans.
The ones in the clientele I didn't like were the locals, amusingly enough. This being a town in the foothills of Perthshire, the locals were almost always weirdo upper class Scottish and English people who just did not know how to behave right. (and I once dated someone from there so I can confirm: they're just weirdos out there).
One day I'm standing in the shop, behind the till, as one does. Even then I was androgynous in whatever way I could be, barring the 3-foot long hair I was sporting at the time. (not joking; it was very, very long. kind of metalhead style though, not carefully maintained.)
This man, maybe in his forties comes in. And he starts hanging about near the till. Now, there's a jewellery display inset into the till so I assume he's wanting to take a look at one of the watches and so on, so I ask him if he's interested in anything in there. He looks at me and says something to the effect of: "Hmm, no, I'm actually in the market for something else."
So me being a polite cashier, I'm like "Oh, well what is it and maybe I can see if we have it in?"
He responds. "No, I'm actually in the market for a wife."
I'm maybe 23 at the time, mind. And I'm just baffled at the audacity. I wonder if it's the setup for a joke, and then decide this isn't a man I'd like to hear the punchile from anyway. So, I respond:
"Oh! Me too."
Now, again, I am dressed pretty lazily. There's no uniform in places like these and most of the staff are volunteers. Band shirt, flannel over the top, huge baggy black jeans and black trainers. No makeup or anything like that, and I think I look pretty gay. I thought that was obvious. He didn't.
"Uh, um-- don't you mean a husband?" He stammers at me, apparently blindsided. I know this guy's not gonna buy anything by this point and I mostly want him to go away for creeping on me, so I am like... ready to miraculously 'find something to do' in the back room by this point. I want it finished.
So, I conclude with "Y'know, I've heard a lot about those and how much trouble they can be. No thanks, I think I'll stick with a wife."
He didn't stick around for long after that, and I never saw that man again in the shop. I sometimes think about the kind of cockiness it takes to try that on a 20-something cashier in a fuckin charity shop, but yknow, apparently some just do not know when to flirt appropriately. Still proud of myself for handling it though. :D
15 notes · View notes
maddrumsticks · 1 year
Text
I should probably finally make an intro post or something so here we go.
Introduction post!
Idc what pronouns you use for me.
I like to draw!
I draw both traditional and digital, though it's rare for me to post traditional art without digitalizing it first.
I'm in the Undertale, Omori, Owl House, Amphibia, Gravity Falls, hfjONE, and other fandoms!
Currently obsessed with: Undertale AUs
Will add to this post as I continue to post things and get into more fandoms.
0 notes
necromancy-savant · 10 months
Text
Who remembers the time in my first year back at college at a new school when, in my first ever Linguistics class, my professor asked me to research alternative terms for "penis" on Urban Dictionary?
@memey-dreams
3 notes · View notes
coffeeworldsasaki · 11 months
Text
Once again chanting in my mind "graphic card" to avoid snapping at my mother saying dumb shit
#how do you always get to the wrong conclusion of everything oh my godddddd#yeah yeah a lot is wrong with doctors like a fucking lot I'm well aware I've suffered huge amount of pains for years for that#but she says it from a novax point of view so she's still wrong by saying the right thing and it annoys me so much!#obviously she's too fucking fatphobic to see how that is one of the biggest issues in medicine#fun fact my father is not taking meds to heal from something that could actually kill him because it stops him from eating#that's apparently okay but vaccines aren't#someone should study their brains under a microscope#also my father problem was probably caused by the extreme diet he did that was mostly starvation#at least i feel better about myself#sometimes i get very depressed about all the things I'll never be able to do because i fucked my wrist at 18 but at least i did that#crocheting#he completely destroyed his health to lose weight#also even more fun thing he wanted to lose weight for reasons that didn't have anything to do with the weight he probably just can't eat#grains#he got better as soon as he stopped eating normal pasta and switched to the fake ones made with rice and stuff#they didn't connect the dot#but the second i thin person started to have issues breathing#that are definitely side effects of covid btw#grains were immediately blamed#god i shouldn't get into these rants because i just get mad at their stupidity AND I NEED TO STAY CALM FOR THE GRAPHIC CARD#and especially not build enough represed rage about it to risk trying to choke my mother the next time she says it's fine i lost all that#weight#sure it's fine losing weight because of illness and depression is fucking wonderful#i have to fight with myself most days to eat enough but sure that's fine I'm staying thin!
3 notes · View notes
buckleydiazmp4 · 11 months
Text
it's tag venting time
#i've had this friendship. of like. 5 years#and well#we used to be really really close#and in hindsight i guees it was because we literally saw each other for 8 hours straight every day of the week#and then that stopped happening#i literally haven't seen this person in about a year and a half i think? maybe more?#despite the fact that we basically live walking distance from each other. which. already says a lot#but then there's also a bigger issue. because hey i get it we're both busy ppl it's okay if qe haven't seen each other in a while#(despite the fact that in this case it is because of a lack of trying -i like to believe not on my part- but ignoring that)#we text sporadically when we have something to let off our chest so it's like this back and forth of voice notes every week or so#but lately its has turned into them sending me groups of 5-minute voice notes at a time because their life is so. so dramatic#and like. hey if this were still like a mutual communication i would enjoy it because i am indeed a good listener#and i like to believe i guve good advice. and i used to give this person good advice like. it was a nice friendship back then#but it became so one-sided as in i received info dumps and vents about the same stuff over and over and the few times i talked about myself#i received some half-hearted dismissals like. oh cool or oh that's so sad. anyways. and then we went back to talking about them.#and it was so frustrating but at first i thought well if they're gonna use me as a venting device so will i despite getting no input like#they became a void to me which i was getting gradually accustomed to it was fine. but then today they asked if i could talk on the phone#i said yes because i wanted to prove my theory. the plan was: i answer#let them talk without offering any input whatsoever. see how long they can just talk and talk and then in the end see if my lack of answer-#-elicited any reaction at all. and unsurprisingly it didn't. i waited for them to finish and then i thought#well at least they might ask me how my day was or something just to confirm i was listening like idk but#i personally would find the quiet unsettling and would ask.but they didn't even do that. asked me if i had homework i said yes. that was it#that was IT!!! i felt so frustrating but at least i was entirely correct and it does hurt to lose a friend but this had been coming#for a long long time. the thing is though i cant just cut this person off#i hate confrontation so all i cant do is keep up this sort of a 'quiet quitting' kind of attitude. pretty easy to do with someone like this#so anyway. that's how you realize a friendship is fake and now i am a bit angry and also sad. but i guess i'll deal with it and move on#if you read all this hi and sorry for the venting. i just had to get it off my chest#vent post
2 notes · View notes
blujayonthewing · 1 year
Text
I was trying out variations on colorways for aubree's outfit and, with a few of them, realized that her outfit has trended slightly less colorful over time, and specifically less yellow (originally a green and yellow striped vest, then a green vest over a yellow short sleeved shirt, and now possibly a white shirt and green vest, with only small amounts of yellow embroidery). this wasn't intentional, but nonetheless, the concept that, as the adventure has worn on, she's outwardly losing color-- and specifically in favor of browns and whites, the colors associated with the halfling god of death-- is compelling to me. I mean, I suppose if I had been doing it on purpose, the shadowfell arc immediately following our literal deaths and mysterious rebirths would have been a really good time for the most muted palette... but, then again, aubree was still relatively fresh then, confused and traumatized but also still powerfully and stubbornly alive where it counts; vibrant, burning, shining light into dark corners just by existing. but the more we learn, the heavier things weigh, the fewer outlets she has, the less she feels like she can relate to the people who should understand better than anyone... she's still righteous and angry, but she's also just... sad, and tired, and growing more tired the more she feels like she has to keep herself together for everyone else. and gradually, quietly, her colors are washing out.
#not to be fake deep I guess I just love her#and she's having A Rough Go Of It#this isn't even the most rough SHE'S personally had this campaign actually!#but *I'm* a lot more upset about the party failing to give her meaningful support than she is lmaooo#THIS is more-- okay the raven queen is DEAD and the fate of COUNTLESS SOULS in transition is now uncertain#and it's directly because bringing us back to life significantly weakened the gods that did that!! that's all pretty upsetting!!!#also what might this mean for urogalan? or for our warlock's demigod patron who wasn't that powerful to begin with?#but lisbet's so far up her own invented grimdark emo nonsense that she's implying maybe the Right Thing would be for us to all die(???)#and talia's like [shrug] dude idk we didn't ask them to do that so who cares. whatever. it's literally not our problem lighten up#OH OKAY OKAY OKAY I'LL JUST CARRY ALL OF THIS FEAR AND EMPATHY BY MYSELF THEN. WHILE YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE I'M BEING DRAMATIC.#THAT'S FINE.#[strained humorless grin] and she doesn't even KNOW about the time she was unconscious and being closed in on by monsters--#and the party all ran in every possible other direction to do literally everything else other than PROTECT HER WHEN SHE WAS HELPLESS#justin had NPCs on standby in case things got ugly without The Tank but they straight up were the only ones who helped me at all#.... ANYWAY. all of which is to say. we're not on a darkest timeline path or anything but she's in the metaphorical moonlight right now#and it's only by the grace of 'I trust my DM' and specifically 'this campaign balances darkness with meaningful hope and love really well'#that she's not doing worse :') got some dark times to stew in#but now that I'm thinking about it I can be proactively thinking about when to bring more yellow back in#about me#my OCs#aubree
2 notes · View notes
solvicrafts · 1 year
Text
Me @ Ares right now: aslkdjfklasjdfklasdf who gave you permission to do THAT???
#hi there non-pagan followers no I will not explain this#suffice to say that pagan warrior gods will BREAK YOUR BRAIN#in the most unexpected ways imaginable#fuck dude where are my fellow hellenics at? we need to talk#btw the answer to that first question: I did#I'm the one who accidentally gave him permission to do *that*#I'm just... not used to a god listening to me and being like 'okay I'ma go do this thing now'#like this is the second time in recent months where I've just... vented#like not asked for a single thing not come to him hoping for help or anything#and he just immediately went and solved the fucking problem#like it was just no big deal to him#'oh this silly human is crying to me about a thing? is it a thing I can spear? no? oh well I'll go see what's up'#I just... ARES#I'm not used to gods being THIS hands-on#like Artemis and I have our thing but it's very professional and down-to-business#so I don't really... talk to her that way like when I do anything with her at all it is solely about WORK#I don't doubt she'd support me if I came to her for help it's just that I don't really find myself needing to#I went fucking months feeling like a shit devotee because I just... couldn't do a lot of things I wanted to do#I broke down in prayer to Ares today because life beat the crap out of me this week and I just hit my breaking point#I didn't even WANT to cry to him about my problems and figured he probably tuned me out because I know *I* would#and he not only listened but immediately went and solved one of my biggest problems#just... took care of it#without being asked#ARES#he's too much
4 notes · View notes
remember the prharse "being kind to some people is inherently cruel to others"
well I just learned that it said nice not kind and I have misenterpreted it but it's too late and fucked me up big time
1 note · View note
noxtivagus · 2 years
Text
i love final fantasy.
#🌙.rambles#like. uh. mostly ffxiv rn i just can't think straight bcs i just love ffxiv too much fuck but#other ffs too 😭😭 i was looking through some of my notes again n. i'm. it. IT MADE ME SO HAPPY#like yk those twt stuff from sqex or wtvr. i love squall n rinoa sm n then tidus n yuna n then#THE REST OF THEM N#n. w ff7 uh. fuck the fanwars just enjoy what you like i hate how ppl put others down. those adults can't even be mature or open-minded#n it's so disappointing but uh that aside! personally. this is for me okay. i just have a certain fondness of ships w aerith#no i don't want to talk abt ships but i didn't want to say this following thing without some context 💀#nah okay here i don't have super strong feelings abt any of those ff7 ships but i do like the charas n the tropes#like. i like the ones w aerith more in general bcs yk she's just. gentle. i like her 🥺 but i relate to tifa quite a lot actually#OH. I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE ABT THAT WAIT#w tifa just made me rmb along w. smth in shb made me think of hehe. yk w the wol w the uh.. spoilers but smth Bad happens#i'm gna go off-topic again if i talk about emet-selch in those scenes. bro the love he has for azem n hyth n. amaurot n how he#all those. lonely thousand of years n. remembering.. 🥹 n then the honesty w the wol n he#he. hdkafjsdlkf his va's rlly did well w him n the writing made me love him so much his character's so dear to me#wait. i went off-topic again. oh w smth that happens to the wol. like w wol n the tifa can i just have a dream too of like. being saved#like no ultimately i'll save myself but c'monnnn just once 🥺#writing the word once just always reminds me of zack fair damn hdlfkajsdfk one of my favs too hehe#head in hands i'm still so proud of alphi's chara development. n then. yk w thancred n minfilia n ryne.#n that talk w minfilia n ryne. hit. too personal. i remember. oh my god#alr i've just been rambling as i always have but atp i don't know what i'm writing abt anymore help#🥹🫶🏼 just love ffxiv so much fr. like not just ffxiv but yk what i mean. uwahh what a relief to. feel like this again at least#still stressed i just wna get that essay asap tho 😭 but yk it's lovely at least i'm rlly happy i remember again.#ffxiv's always. helped guide me in a way to rmb myself. so. please. please just listen to ffxiv's ost fr.
2 notes · View notes
aberooski · 13 days
Text
I love Taylor. I always have and to some degree I always will. She means too much to me and is such an important figure and source of joy and light in my life when I desperately needed, and a connection to my own father that I need desperately, to deny that I will always look on her fondly to some degree as silly as that may seem sometimes and to some people.
But that doesn't mean I don't/won't/can't be critical of her or be disappointed or disagree with choices she makes or has made, because I absolutely have been and I absolutely am.
My problem is that I always, with every fiber of my being, look for and try to see the best in people and believe in people until I absolutely can't anymore. Unless it's something truly reprehensible and irredeemable, my brain simply cannot comprehend the idea that one bad decision or mistake trust me I know she's made more than one lately can automatically invalidate or negate anything and everything good a person has ever done. I've genuinely tried to understand it and unfortunately, I can't wrap my head around the concept. I give grace to a fault. I get sad when I see things said about her in a negative light even when I completely understand and even agree, because I have so much love for her in my heart. It's that tride and true naive, blind optimism in me I guess.
But I do not in any way think she's a perfect person, I know she isn't, because nobody is. Some are just better at hiding that than others. She makes mistakes, she's wrong sometimes, she is a human being who messes up. Sometimes in big ways. And unfortunately she's messed up a few times over the last year or so and that makes me sad. It disappoints me because I love her so much, and I do want and expect better of her. And in the process of that, it makes me very sad that I feel like I have to hide the facet of myself that does still love her despite my disappointment in her or risk making people upset with me now because I'm so afraid of upsetting people. I'm terrified of doing or saying the wrong things I try so hard to do the best I can every day and it's disappointing to see her slip up. It's sad. It makes me very sad.
It's a complicated time to love her right now. I hope, in my heart of hearts, I sincerely hope that sooner rather than later it won't have to be that way anymore. Not just for me, but for all of us who feel that complexity or conflict of emotions.
#I don't know I'm just talking out my ass I just have a lot of thoughts running through my head I don't really know how to articulate well#I just always want to believe the best in people I don't like to judge people I don't like to condemn people or see that happen#unless someone is truly reprehensible and deserving of condemnation and I just don't feel in my heart that she is like some people do#I don't know maybe that makes me a bad person...? sometimes I feel like there are people who would think that it does and that makes me sad#I know I keep saying I don't know but I truly don't know. I'm just tired. sometimes I wish I didn't care#but the fact of the matter is that I do. I care about people I love people I want nothing but the best for people#I want to believe the best in people and in my heart I believe that she is the person I always thought she was. someone who is good and kin#who makes mistakes but is ultimately better for them because she learns from those mistakes and grows#or maybe I just want to believe she's like me and always looks for the best in people and sees the best in people to a fault#until she can't deny the truth anymore if they're not good people.#sometimes you blind yourself to the things in people or situations that you don't want to see until it's impossible to anymore#I know because I've been there. not in the same kinds of situations granted but I've blinded myself and hurt myself so much to hang on#I've ruined my entire life holding onto the past. not wanting to move on into the stage of my life I'm actually in#and trying to stay in my childhood as long as possible when the truth is it's long gone. i can't get it back.#but I can keep her. I can keep that piece of it. and oh god I want to. I pray to god the truth of her heart is revealed#and that that truth is good. that that truth is a relief and a reassurance to those like me and many others looking for it lately#maybe I'm just being naive I guess. but dammit I want to see light on the other side no matter what. it's a blessing and a curse sometimes.#I just want people to love each other and be kind to one another and coexist with one another peacefully... that's all I want... 😔#I want people to be able to love who and what they love without shame or fear to be who they are unapologetically without shame or fear#I just want love and hope and light in this world goddammit it shouldn't be as hard as it is these days 😔#I love you all. so much. no matter what. never forget that. ❤#abby's insomnia thoughts
0 notes
featherymainffins · 4 months
Text
I thought I would walk some additional 14 km today and thus burn my accidental lunch (caved into peer pressure and went to a restaurant and had a salad instead of eating my perfectly counted can of tuna) and as such I agreed to go have breakfast with some friends tomorrow to celebrate the end of the excursion.
But I did not walk those 14 km because I wasn't able to get water + I just finished 12 hours of lectures + my arches were killing me + it was raining + I wanted to shower + I wanted to study + I was fucking freezing.
Which means I have to punish myself for my lack of discipline and I also have to make up for the food and that means I CANNOT have that breakfast. In fact I cannot have anything. For 2 days. Just to be sure.
So now I'm trying to figure out what lie I can make up. Currently thinking about saying that I just started to feel really nauseous all of a sudden and as such I unfortunately cannot eat breakfast oopsie. It feels really random and not really believable though.
#god this is so tiring. i wish i wasn't me so i could just live. people don't have to be ideal to earn being tolerated but i do#people don't even have an ideal and there should never be one. but there is one for me and the court of the world expects me to#always fit it. it's a competition and the jury is judging me. I'm constantly trying to win the case. to make the judge rule me innocent#of what I don't know. of everything i suppose.#but it's just exhausting. and I'm not sure if it's more exhausting to just give up and follow whatever the nagging voice says or#if it's more exhausting to fight it. i feel horrible and full of guilt and shame and terror either way so does it really matter?#if i die because my heart gives out or if i die by my own hand?#apparently bulimics have a much higher self-harm percentage but i personally have a tendency to harm my body after i eat#i don't want to do it but i recognise that that's partly exactly why i want to. my emotional torment is probably much more#of a goal than the physical pain. there's a part of me that wants to lead psychological warfare against me#and you know what it's like. it's fine. i accepted that i would die by my own hand a long time ago. I've always said that#i don't know when and that it might be in two decades or a year or a month or a day; but that one day i would go past the breaking#point and kill myself.#i think it's an inevitability of my life and I'm fine with that. someone has to kill themselves. someone has to be that number#in the statistics. there is no reason for it not to be me and if not me it'd be someone else#so it's fine#but yeah it's like...well it's been a run...not sure if a good one...but it's been a run and considering how much i just don't care anymore#i think this time it's really it. and i have a lot of responsibilities so I'm really pissed about it#but listen I'm just exhausted. my every waking thought is plagued by counting and avoiding reflective surfaces and wanting#nothing more than to stare into reflective surfaces for 20 minutes straight and check for every imperfection and irregularity#and check if everything is the same as the day before. i don't know if i should trust my eyes or my emotions or my logic#i don't know which is which. half of my brain power is devoted to making up plausible lies. 'i had a stomach bug earlier'#'im just really nauseous. yea accidentally had lactose earlier.' 'my stomach hurts so i shouldn't eat anything' 'i ate before i came here'#'oh i said i didn't have anything with me? i uhhh i went shopping yesterday evening actually'#i can't focus at all. I'm either too tired or the voice is too loud and too aggressive. i have no idea how I'm going to pass my classes
1 note · View note
delicioushottubpeanut · 11 months
Text
♡ babysitter
oneshot - inspired by that one edit
Tumblr media
fandom: five nights at freddys (movie)
paring: mike schmidt x fem!reader
warnings: nsfw 18+, dry humping, sexual tension, kissing, friends to lovers, cumming in pants, submissive mike, foul language, teasing, smut, riding, dom reader, consensual sex, age gap, minors dni..
You've heard a lot about him from Abby, mainly bits and pieces that she's told you, but nothing really about him and the only thing he really says to you is that he's eventually going to pay you back. But you always refuse.
The old couch squeaks softly as he sits beside you, a gentle hand goes to reach your face but hesitates.
He’s been very busy for a while now that he has started his new job at a security guard that was shut down ages ago. When he comes home he's always so tired, like he's a different person. As if he cannot relax. You hear the door open and slam back as it he closes it.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you come back.." You whisper, groaning whilst you move out of the position you had been in for a while. Yawning as you gently wipe your eyes.
Mike looks at you, half-smiling as he leans against the cushions. He's tired, you can tell. "Sorry if I woke you, you looked exhausted, so I just wanted to cover you," he whispers back, stretching his arms. "Did Abby go okay for you?" he asks.
"I told her it's bedtime an hour ago, but you know how it is with little ones." You joke.
"Abby was great, she missed you, though.." You smile sheepishly, shifting on the coach to face him. "How was work?" You ask, seeing the slight bags under his eyes.
Mike chuckles softly, leaning his head back and letting out a deep sigh as he stares up at the ceiling.
"It was long," he sighs. "I mean, I've gotten used to it, of course, but god, it's draining..." He leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees, looking off to the side and fiddling with his fingers, trying to find the right words to explain what just happened at work. He seems hesitant to say.
"You okay? You can talk to me if something is bothering you." Hesitantly placing your hand on his shoulder, slowly forcing him to look at you. You've known him for years due to babysitting Abby, but he's never opened up.
"Well... it's just..." Mike sighs again, still not meeting your eyes. "...Abby asked me some questions about stuff today."
He rubs the back of his neck, shifting in his seat as if he's about to say something and then thinks better of it. He leans back against the coach, letting out a frustrated grunt as his eyebrows pinch in frustration. "I... I just can't tell her."
"Is there anything I can do to help?" You whisper, staring at him, waiting for a response.
Mike's face softens a little, looking over at you before he sighs, shaking his head. "It's nothing. Abby asked about the job, and... well, it got me thinking..." He shrugs his shoulders again, still looking off to the side.
"Look, I'll tell Abby about it myself, I don't... I shouldn't put it on you..." He sighs one again, staring at the floor.
"If you need me, don't hesitate." You place your hand on his thigh, squeezing it for reassurance. Gaining confidence, you slowly move your body off the couch and sit on his lap.
"Oh..." Mike says quietly, his face turning bright red as you place your hand on his thigh. He looks down at you, his expression of uncertainty on his face changing as his eyebrows rise.
He's speechless, frozen in shock at your touch, and his entire face is practically bright pink. He's suddenly a lot warmer, his chest heaving as his heartbeat picks up speed. "... Y- you're..." he says with the last of his breath, his brain having trouble finding the right words to say.
"Is this okay..?" You grind against his lap, whispering against his ear.
"Shit..." He stammers, his brain desperately trying to process what you're doing. He looks confused, his eyes drifting down to you as his mind races.
"What... what are you... n- no, it's... we can't..." Mike stutters, trying to find a way to reject you. But the longer you're in his lap, the harder it is for him to say no.
"Just relax, Abby is fast asleep in her room.." You grind harder against him, using your index finger to tilt his chin up, making eye contact when you suddenly hear him whimper.
"T- this isn't the time..." he mumbles in response, his eyes closing at the sensation and his whimpers becoming more noticeable.
"W- we shouldn't be doing this..." he whispers, his arms hesitating in the air for a moment before they eventually wrap around your waist. He's still torn between going along with it or saying no, his heart racing as he gazes at you.
"Beg for me to continue." You stop moving your hips, feeling his arousal throb against your ass. Wanting to see how he would react.
"P- please... God.." he whispers, the breath catching in his throat and his voice turning raspy.
He looks at you, his eyes pleading, his body quivering under your control. His heart is pounding out of his chest. He swallows, looking up at you as his entire body screams for you to keep going while his mind fights back.
"You can do better than that.." You tease, breathing against his neck, gently creating bruises as you feel his slightly breath hitch.
Mike whimpers loudly when he feels your bites, his muscles tensing as he tries to relax.
"H- I- please, don't stop..." he murmurs hoarsely, sounding completely different than you've ever heard before. He whimpers again, his head tilted back as he tries to hide the pleasure in his face. He can't believe what he's doing, but he can't turn away.
"Good boy.." Slowly reaching to take off your top, revealing your covered breasts as you start to grind against him, pushing your panties to the side, creating a wet spot on his jeans.
Mike looks down at you, taking in the view as your top is removed, his face getting even pinker as his heart races.
He swallows nervously in response to your wetness, his eyes trailing down your body before they eventually turn back to your face. His cheeks are bright red, his breathing heavy as he glances back down at you, looking into your eyes as you look into his. He takes a long, drawn-out breath, his entire body quivering with anticipation.
"Just take what you want, Mike, no one is stopping you.." You tease, eagerly watching his reaction.
"I- it's..." Mike starts to say, but he can't say no to you, not right now. He leans back, pushing himself deeper into you like he can't help himself, the breath catching in his throat as he takes in the sensation. His eyes are closed as he tries to ignore his own morals.
His eyes snap open, his lips parted as he whispers, "More.."
"You close?" Whispering seductively, moving harder as you feel your climax coming fast.
"Oh, god..." Mike breathes out, his face red, and his eyes roll back into his head. He moans, bucking his hips up against you, feeling himself come close to release as he cums in his pants, feeling you come down from your high.
10K notes · View notes
skrunksthatwunk · 1 year
Text
been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet
#look it probably works for a lot of ppl but every time i think about it as a solution for my Definitely Needs It family it's like. god no#it probably only works when everyone's willing to change and actually listen to each other#if i did it with my folks im worries they'd quit if they were challenged or talk shit about the therapist/methods afterwards#like im so worried the therapist would take their side and we'd be stuck giving in to them#only now with assurance from an expert that they're always right and we're wrong and ungrateful. not helpful!! negative progress#and if we tried to switch therapists my parents would be like oh you just can't accept responsibility 🙄🙄#you just wanted someone to tell you you didn't have to try or to coddle you or make us do what you want or whatever#aghhh it's so scary and it's not even on the table. no one wants this but i also think trying to mediate it myself would suck so fuckin bad#aughh. sorry i wanna write about it as like. a tags rant. here goes#my parents don't apologize for shit. ive legit seen it happen once. they justify and backpedal but they never acknowledge their bs#they treat the harm that comes from their methods with a sort of 'well what do you expect me to do about it?! (rhetorical)' vibe#like there is no way to improve. like the ability for parents to fail and be flawed means those things must be accepted uncritically#because they're trying and they have good intentions. but if they really wanted to help as they claim they would be willing to change#if you're trying to help someone and they tell you your actions didn't help or are hurting them you should change your methods so theyre#helped. but they operate on this assumption that their methods should always work and thud if they don't that we're too sensitive#'youre asking for too much' was kind of a major theme in my childhood is what im realizing#instead they justify and focus on intent or their kids' flaws (real or imagined). they want to change the reaction rather than the action#they dont want to help they just want the problem to go away. and quiet kids look like happy kids i guess#thing is i cant even cite that many manipulative things theyve said bc we all go quiet as soon as they use a disapproving tone#like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose#theyre kinda shit at defending themselves but i can barely follow their lines of reasoning so it's so fucking hard to argue with them#it's also so unnurturing. why is us being unhappy or uncomfortable smth to blame on our failure n not smth you want to help with? wth#yk the thing about the Shut Down Tone is i recognize and resent it sometimes but it still makes me feel like im not giving them a fair shot#bc i dont even slightly challenge them much (& they dont have to say what they mean for us to cower) i feel like im misreading their tone#that im being too sensitive and thinking theyre being controlling for no reason. like im reading into it too hard and hating them when if i#pushed back they'd freely be good to me and change and be reasonable. but now it's becoming clearer that that's not the case bc they Do Not#and if i mention The Tone theyll just say im overreacting and that it's my fault for not sticking up for myself AGAIN!!!!!!#and it's so frustrating knowing what's going on and still having these doubts. i can't trust my gut or what i hear bc they might be right#they'll straight up lie or change their arguments or their story to get me to submit. am i being gaslit??? wtf#but i trust my (treated worse) brothers' accounts which helps. my parents brag about their parenting skills to us btw ✌️✌️
0 notes