#i do believe with all my heart that canon doesn't think he has trauma. it has no interest in that. son gohan is happy and well-adjusted

[marezablr]

i think the thing that's funny about gohan is that if you take canon at face value, you have to accept he doesn't "have trauma." canon is fundamentally more interested in big intense emotions and drama than the smaller moments (although it still has those, and they can be really touching). this is not a deficit! dragon ball is a series where someone you love dies, and you scream so big you get superpowers. it's great.

so taking canon for what it is, gohan has experienced traumatic events, but he doesn't have any trauma from them. it has had no effect on him.

but if you want to understand him as having trauma, then the obvious reading is that gohan takes on the "just a guy" genre of having a trauma. the kind where you cannot get him to admit that he even experienced trauma, let alone that it did anything to him.

being dumped in the woods for six months should have affected him developmentally? sure, it was scary and weird at first, but then it was kind of fun, really!

watching people die at age five should have affected him? no, it's okay, most of them came back. it's sad about the ones who didn't, but it's important to mourn your losses and go forward in honor of their memories!

the world being put on his shoulders when he was eleven might have messed him up? that was hard, but it did have to be him. and he messed up, but his dad told him not to feel bad. his dad wouldn't want him to dwell!

everyone who put him in dangerous situations loved him, and they're his heroes, and gohan really was uniquely powerful, and the world was really at stake, so he did uniquely have to be involved. no one did anything wrong. besides, it was kind of hard, but nothing is wrong with him. he's just a guy.

he's aggressive about protecting his normal life and had a hard time even knowing what "normal" looked like, but he's just a guy. he didn't want pan to see people being killed, but there were no consequences when that happened for him. he's just a guy. his rage is something he avoids like it scares him, but his emotional regulation is great, really!

none of it had a negative effect on him. it was hard sometimes, but he learned a lot of things, and he's fine now. he's just a guy.

you will never get any of the big, obvious signs of trauma out of gohan (again: canon is pretty content that he's happy and well-adjusted!), but you can find trauma responses if you want by leaning into that. that's the kind of trauma response where people don't admit it to themselves, where they constantly minimize and excuse what happened (they love me, they never wanted to hurt me, therefore i can't have been hurt). the kind of trauma response that only comes out in weird leakages, in little comments and odd irrational behaviors—and then, occasionally, all at once in blinding moments of uncharacteristic emotional outbursts.

but that's not a big deal. it's just how his power boosts work, he guesses? it's a saiyan thing, probably!

don't worry about it. it's all okay. none of it was that bad.

he's just a guy!

[novantinuum]

Steven's Breakdown Was Inevitable From the Very Beginning

I feel like the thing that fucks me up the most about Steven Q. Universe and how well conceived he is as a character is that the fundamental building blocks of why he reached his breaking point in SU: Future were laid out as clear as day in the span of legit only the first four episodes of the original show. The writing was literally always on the wall that future him would struggle with matters of self worth and identity in relationship to the others around him.

Let's take a look:

Gem Glow

"Awesome! What are these things?"

Foundational Trauma #1: Steven's home is always either under threat or actively being wrecked by antagonistic forces/beings, and he constantly copes with this by pushing down his fear in favor of a curiosity and silver linings based mindset.

Look at his initial shock when he opens the door and gets tackled by one of these things, and then his response when one of them spits acid:

The kid's freaked the hell out about all this, and while I do think there's a part of Steven that genuinely IS curious about what these lil critters are, I think he's subconsciously using that curiosity as a way to distract himself from his own fears and anxieties. This is Steven actively learning how to ignore the deeper problems in favor of emoting a facade to the others in his life that he can totally handle himself in scary situations like these.

The underlying reason why is incredibly apparent, when you look at the example from the next episode-

Laser Light Canon

"I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me..."

Genuinely- from the bottom of my heart- I think the above quote from Greg is a moment where his own insecurities around the Gems actually rubbed off on Steven.

At this point in time, Steven may be living with the Gems... but he hasn't started to harness any of his powers at all, so in his own head he might as well be the same as his dad- another human, just one who happens to have a gem! But the way Greg talks about himself... given Steven was living with him in the van for years before moving in to the beach house, he had to have heard negative self-talk from his dad like this before.

And then there's the rest of the Crystal Gems... always speaking of Rose with such reverence as if she were an all-powerful goddess... and Steven can't help but look back at himself, and his gem that won't work... the gem that the others still identify as Rose's...

"Your gem-! You have Rose's gem!"

And maybe he starts to wonder if- without any working powers- he's just a plain ol' dope like his Dad, too.

"Please work... Unlock! Activate! Go! Please-!! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless!"

Foundational Trauma #2: Steven has Rose's gem, and as such, is constantly living under the silent expectation to live up to a standard that he simply cannot ever hope to achieve, because he doesn't KNOW her and he never will.

I want to highlight one of Steven's expressions while his dad is talking about Rose- look at that sad look. My god, I just wanna hug him. This is the expression of a child who has already come to terms with the fact that his only relationship with his mom is through the rose tinted stories that other people tell him about her.

Cheeseburger Backpack

So. Steven has learned so far that he needs to push down his feelings and emote a false veneer of cheer and bravery even when he's afraid, because the rest of the people in his life have expectations and hopes for him due to the legacy of his parentage and he can't bear the thought of letting them down. (And in a sad way, at this point "letting them down" literally just means... being an ordinary human boy. I believe Steven at this stage of the show is flat out scared to be human, because to be human is to fail at being a Gem, and no amount of love and sacrifice in the name of humanity in the seasons to come could've ever saved him from the fundamental fact that the wedge between him and this whole half of his being was already drawn long before the events of season 1 even started. But I digress.)

Let's see where we go from there. Let's check out Steven's first "mission." Or as Pearl puts it about 35 episodes later, his first "test."

"Yeah... they can't all be winners."

This episode is tinted with a little bit of tragedy for me on rewatch, because I genuinely do think the Gems handled the situation as well as they could've. They were supportive of Steven's successful ploys, and (for the most part) responded with grace when he majorly blundered and left the Goddess Statue at home. The main problem, however, is that Steven has already developed a bit of a complex about impressing the three of them-

Foundational Trauma #3: Even when they claim otherwise, Steven has convinced himself that affection from the Gems is transactional, and that when he messes up he's not truly a part of the Crystal Gems.

Of course we the audience know this isn't true- I mean, hell, Amethyst even said as much in episode one after her slip-up ("and you're fun to have around, even if your gem IS useless!")... that the Crystal Gems wouldn't be the same without him. But Steven... the poor kid is a complicated little guy living a complicated life, and whether they intended it or not, the language used they've used around him thus far has not backed up their attempts at fully embracing him, human parentage and all.

Thus, Steven just spends the entire episode wracked with anxiety trying to find creative non-power using ways to make the mission easier so he can convince them he's useful to have around.

Look how nervous he gets even when all three of them are visibly and vocally supportive of his presence here:

This is the face of a boy who feels like he's under constant judgement and scrutiny from those around him.

Blessedly, viewing this episode in isolation, he experiences a brief moment of mental respite where he finally accepts the Gems' encouragement and agrees that his ideas 'can't all be winners,' but this lesson does not stick for him moving forward. A shame, really.

Together Breakfast

"What's the matter, Steven?" "I wanted us all to have breakfast together, so I made Together Breakfast! But everyone keeps leaving..." "Oh, that's nice..."

Taken in context with what we've learned already in the last three episodes, Steven's desperation to spend quality time with the Gems here and his sadness that they keep leaving him alone doesn't just exist within a vacuum. He spends the whole morning watching them shuffle in and out of the temple, or come back from missions he wasn't invited on, and with the disastrous result of the LAST mission he went on probably fresh in his mind it's not hard to understand why this bothers him.

Foundational Trauma #4: Steven internalizes that the price of "not being useful" is that the Gems actively ignore him, meaning that the only way to guarantee their attention is to work as hard as he can to become a stronger member of the team.

I know this screenshot is usually used as a lighthearted meme, but I wanted to include it because I think it's a good example of how Steven's intense desire to impress permeates every facet of his personality at times. Just LOOK at how desperate he is to make Garnet laugh at his joke, to be the one that's at very least "fun to have around," as Amethyst put it in episode one.

The Gems do eventually drop what they're doing to spend time with Steven by the conclusion of this episode, but this only comes after Steven shows his growing strength and "proves" himself by saving their butts from the breakfast monster.

If he successfully gained their attention in literally any other way he might've come away from this episode with a different lesson, but no. Instead, his fears were proven true- the Gems value strength and utility, and if he's not exhibiting that, then what use is he to them?

These fears of his can be seen weaving throughout the foundational fabric of the entire show, but I think Steven lays out what he sees as his "stakes" in the clearest way possible in the episode 'An Indirect Kiss.'

"But- if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, o-or Pearl, and- I-I can't go on missions!"

And these same insecurities even rear their ugly head as late as the movie.

"I can't believe this... for the first time in years, everyone's in danger, everybody needs me, and- I'm useless!"

Powers = Utility = Worth = Other's love, for Steven. Everything is transactional to the end, which is a hilarious double standard he's set for himself when he's made his reputation as the kid who always listens and encourages and gives others a chance to change, no matter their messy history with him.

__

So let's recap and restate those foundational traumas from Steven's perspective.

One: The only way to cope when your life is constantly under threat is to bury the damage and pretend to be fine.

Two: Everyone expects you to live up to the standards of someone you're not.

Three: The Gems only love you when you're of use to them.

Four: If you ever stop being useful, the Gems won't want anything more to do with you.

In sum, Steven's habit of burying his feelings for the benefit of others was there from the very beginning, not just since 'The Test.'

Those unreachable standards he felt so daunted and intimidated by all his life were the ones set by Rose, at first... but over the course of the series, the dynamic of this shifted. As Rose's influence fell into the background, Steven's rose into the front. And so it's with great irony that- by the time of Steven Universe: Future, the expectations this exhausted, worn down teenager is fighting to once again achieve are the ones HE set for himself. Many of young Steven's selfless actions during the war are quite admirable when analyzed in isolation, but almost none of them are sustainable. He set himself on fire just to save the world, but teen Steven is genuinely unable to see this for what it is yet- as a tragic sacrifice of his own childhood. You can't burn your own ends for others forever, not at all. His breakdown was simply inevitable.

When it comes to the interconnected beliefs three and four, these are exactly why the ultimate confrontation at the end of I Am My Monster HAD to be one fueled by selfless love. Steven is at his absolute lowest at this point- he's everything he fears he's become, trapped in a form that's nearly incapable of reason. He's big and angry and spiky because that's a part of the facade- because a part of him WANTS to scare the Gems away, wants to be left alone forever, believing this the fate he deserves as price for his misdeeds.

In this form, by his own definitions he is NOT useful to the Crystal Gems at all.

But they don't care.

Because it never WAS about Steven's 'usefulness' to them, they simply love him for being Steven.

With this in mind, the conclusion of Steven Universe: Future wasn't just a salve to teen Steven's immediate struggles, it was a salve to the foundational insecurities that have been plaguing him his entire life.

And hopefully... from this point on... his family's shows of love and encouragement will be enough to finally convince Steven that he's more than worth their time...

No matter what path the future leads him on, and no matter what form he takes.

[fallenhunnyapple]

@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)

I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it

I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.

For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.

And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.

And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!

The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?

Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.

And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.

If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-

As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.

Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏

[sofoulandfairaday]

Actually very curious to hear your thoughts and head canons on Sirius + Walburga + Orion

Under the cut, because it's very long. But I'd love it if you read it all. I hope it succeeds in being eloquent, it's hard to put my thoughts into coherent writing for such a sensitive topic.

I don't think that the majority of this fandom actually understands the subtleties of abuse. Also, too many people weirdly like the idea of abused characters, and emphasize their torments, especially physical ones, as a way of... I don't know, evoking more sympathy for them? This happens all the time with Sirius Black.

@ sofoulandfairaday, was Sirius Black abused in your opinion?

Yes.

But not in the way people think.

I am fascinated with stories that explore generational trauma, the cycles of abuse that get repeated over and over. I think Sirius was abused in the way the Roy kids in Succession are abused, in the way that the people in The Crown are abused. It's not that the people in themselves are abusive it's that the family system is.

This doesn't excuse individual adult responsibility because, at a certain point, it becomes your duty not to pass on your traumas to your children. But traumatized adults raising traumatized children is something much more realistic, to me, than “The Blacks liked torturing their children for fun” (wtf?).

The Blacks were an upper-class family in the 1950s. To put this in perspective, my parents both got physically reprimanded as children (1970s), and my grandparents did too (1950s-1940s). It was just the way things were. It wouldn't have been seen as weird if they had been hit, at the time. Do you know when corporal punishment was abolished in UK schools? 1986. And people say Snape was abusive to his students. Bro, 1986. The world has changed a lot in the last 20/30 years but it's a little unfair, in my opinion, to judge their times entirely through our lenses.

And even in light of this... I don't think the Blacks were that physically violent. Maybe Orion clipped his sons behind the ear when they really misbehaved, or threatened physical punishment, but they most likely never truly hurt their kids. I also don't think they raised their hands like filthy Muggles, so maybe... Stinging Hexes? Going to bed without supper? They definitely did not use the fucking Cruciatus curse on their children. The torture curse. The one that scrambles people's brains if used for too long. Sometimes I think that authors don't put thought behind what they write, or exaggerate for the shock value, which... doesn't really sit right with me, to say the least. I don't really care for character bashing of any character. I don't care for painting Walburga & Orion as Disney villains who hurt their children because... they? like? hurting children?

With this being said, I'm pretty sure they were emotionally abusive, maybe psychologically abusive. Tons of families are like that, even nowadays.

Master always liked his little joke,” said Kreacher, bowing again, and continuing in an undertone, “Master was a nasty ungrateful swine who broke his mother’s heart — ” “My mother didn’t have a heart, Kreacher,” Sirius snapped. “She kept herself alive out of pure spite.” Kreacher bowed again and said, “Whatever Master says,” then muttered furiously, “Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother’s boots, oh my poor Mistress, what would she say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was — ”

According to Kreacher, Sirius broke his mother's heart when he left. That might have been a dramatic choice of words (Sirius definitely thinks it is because he replies in kind) but perhaps it wasn't.

The problem with the Blacks' love for their children isn't that it wasn't there, it's that it seems very conditional. I fully believe that for a time, when he was a kid, Sirius was a little prince, a perfect pureblood heir. Given his temperament, he might have been the bad child, always in detention compared to Regulus, who was probably quieter, more shy, more poised. Except. Despite all of this or maybe because of all of this, he was probably the more respected out of the two: more handsome, more charismatic, more outspoken, stronger, quicker. Someone like Bellatrix (and Walburga too, I think) must have respected him much more than his brother, even though they probably said the opposite out loud. Sure, they liked Regulus more, but everyone knew he wasn't the brightest out of the two stars. I think the Blacks respected and praised strength.

Want proof of this? Sirius himself calls Regulus soft and an idiot. How many times do you think he heard that sentence as a child?

For these reasons, it's always been my headcanon that the two brothers grew up resenting each other subtly: Sirius probably envied that his brother was their mama's favourite, the one who was shown more affection, despite being not as bright as him, not as good. But children are petty and have very strong senses of pride. In stressful environments they latch onto the identities they create for themselves: if Sirius painted himself, in the family dynamics, as the strong one, the one who doesn't care, the one who rejects even his parents' rare moments of affection, he will most likely never be the one to go to them to beg for their love, or kisses or whatever. On the other hand, Regulus was probably babied by their parents, but never truly treated like the heir, like the competent, brilliant one. His mother might have been more tender with him and yelled at him less, but children are perceptive.

Also, Grimmauld Place has all the characteristics of the Haunted Hause trope, horror film style (which I cannot get into here lest this becomes a dissertation), but generational trauma likely permeates those walls. Merely being back in the house is enough to trigger Sirius' depression.

Sirius is my pride, but Regulus is my joy sort of dynamic for the Blacks and their parents, me thinks.

They love each other but are also constantly pitted against each other. They fight for their parents' love. They think the other had it easier.

Then, Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor. Now, he's already fighting back against his parents now (he's almost 12, the perfect age), but it's always been a little headcanon of mine that Sirius doesn't know how much this will damage him until it happens. We see, again and again and again, in-universe, how much stress the Sorting put kids through - what if I'm not in this house my parents were sorted into? From the way he appears in Snape's memories on the Hogwarts Express, I think Sirius must have thought it hilarious if he was sorted into Gryffindor, the first Black ever to be one. Truly a most rebellious act. This lasted about... seven seconds?

The next day, Walburga sends a Howler and she's the most displeased Sirius has ever heard her, this is not a joke, Sirius, how dare you? You are such a disappointment etc.

Disappointment. The family disappointment.

This becomes Sirius' new persona. The more he leans into it, the more his mother doubles down. Headcanon n°2: they have the same personality, Walburga and Sirius; Regulus takes after Orion.

Golden-child/scapegoat dynamic ensues, worse than ever. This is the abuse I was referring to: no matter how brilliant, how high his grades, how good Sirius is, it'll never be enough. He's the foil to Regulus - less good in school, less brilliant, less popular, less... So. He fraternizes with Mudbloods and werewolves and dissenters of our Lord and Saviour Voldemort, which is a disgrace. He comes back from his first year saying Muggleborn instead of Mudblood, puts up semi-naked Muggle girl posters in his room with a permanent sticking charm - every time Walburga is in there her stomach flips in disgust. He buys himself a Muggle motorbike.

He can never bring himself to tell his parents that he wants their love and approval and they think he wants everything but. Not just that, they think he's actively trying to drive them to an early grave with all of that rebelling.

This, by the way, puts an enormous amount of stress on Regulus. Now he has to step up, wants to step up, to prove himself as finally better, but also he doesn't want to lose his older brother, but also he can never live up to the comparison, but also why do his parents love him now that Sirius is gone, why couldn't they love him better, sooner? This breeds resentment. Desperate to prove himself, he joins the Death Eaters (whose ideas he fully embraced anyway, let's not forget that Reggie was a racist little arse).

Why did Sirius run away?

This fandom makes the MISTAKE of thinking that Sirius ran away because his parents were evil and mean. No. Nu-uh. That's not what happened.

“But… why did you…?” “Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran his fingers through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal… my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them… that’s him.” Sirius jabbed a finger at the very bottom of the tree, at the name Regulus Black. A date of death (some fifteen years previously) followed the date of birth. “He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”

Sirius hated his parents and his brother, but he doesn't offer any indication that they were physically violent towards him - sure, they sound like dicks and they definitely created a situation of emotional abuse (why can't you be more like your brother?), which is still very scarring for a child/teenager, but no indication that they ever brutalized him.

I'm not saying this to argue that emotional or psychological abuse (lying, gaslighting, justifying treating your children horribly with oh, but I'm doing it for your own good, etc.) is less damaging than physical abuse. But I think that half the fandom just writes in a few rounds of Cruciatus to get out of writing the hard stuff - the complexities, subtleties, two-way pain of dysfunctional households.

When Sirius ran away from home, Orion and Walburga blasted him off the family tree. That means that he couldn't come back even if he tried to. He had no family any longer. Running away from home is something that a teenager in Sirius' situation and with his personality might conceivably do - and I'm sure it did hurt his family. But his betrayal was followed by their own betrayal.

Also, I want to contrast this with BELLATRIX and the way she speaks of Andromeda (because we all know that she's actually referring to Andromeda in that first quote):

“Cissy, your own sister? You wouldn’t — ” (HBP) “She is no niece of ours, my Lord,” she cried over the outpouring of mirth. “We — Narcissa and I — have never set eyes on our sister since she married the Mudblood. This brat has nothing to do with either of us, nor any beast she marries.” (DH)

and Walburga:

“- comes back from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, oh, my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw the house now, scum living in it, her treasures thrown out, she swore he was no son of hers and he’s back, they say he’s a murderer too -”

Bella, even after 25 years, still calls Andromeda her sister. Sure, Ted and Dora can rot - nay, she wants to actively kill them -, but Andy is her sister. Walburga declares that Sirius is no son of hers. She cut ties with him just as much as he cut ties with them. He lived with the Potters until Alphard died and miraculously left him gold; he didn't have a Galleon to his name otherwise. This is incredibly hurtful for a child. He was sixteen.

So. Anyways. This is getting rambly, but I hope I got my point across.

As for pure headcanons, that have no actual basis in the text:

All the Blacks are hot, but Orion & Burgie were not the hottest of them. That title goes to Alphard & Lucretia and then Sirius & Bellatrix in the next generation.

Orion is like Regulus in nature, and Walburga is like Sirius. Ice and Fire. On the other hand, physically, Sirius looks like his dad and Reggie looks like his mum. (Which is not to say much because they are second cousins, and the Black genes are strong lol)

(By the way, they are second cousins guys, not first cousins, not brother and sister!)

Orion wears exclusively shades of black and grey.

He's a quiet man, likes to read, despises noise.

A heavy drinker since he was young, it became a coping mechanism after Sirius' turbulent teenage years, almost drank himself to death when Regulus died. That's not what got him in the end, but it could have very well been.

Walburga always had a temper on her, could scream like a banshee, but she wasn't insane until one son abandoned her for the lowliest of scum and she lost her youngest boy and her husband in the span of six? three? months.

Austere. I can imagine her with her hair pinned up, high necklines... always very proper, with a severe type of beauty. I really like that aesthetic for her.

Crack: Definitely involved in the infamous Love Triangle of '43 when Tom Riddle tried to ask her out (to get access to the Black Family library's Dark Arts books) and she rejected him (not my headcanon btw, I remember reading it on here but I can't remember who came up with it rn - if anyone knows, I'll give credit!). Guess who was smitten with him? Alphard. Chaos of the kind you're thinking ensues.

Theirs was a semi-arranged marriage (there were wink-wink, nudge-nudges from other members of the family and the two of them decided it would be advantageous). I don't think they loved each other but they had a good partnership, gave the House of Black two heirs. (lol, see how that turned out)

Walburga had pregnancy issues, which I headcanon for every single woman of the House of Black, except the only one who was-maybe-sorta-kinda relying on them: Andromeda.

That's all, folks!

(I think.)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Wyll's ideal reclassing is as a bard and God herself couldn't change my mind.

Listen. I do like that Wyll is a ranger if he gets out of the pact but rangers are a lonely class by nature and fuck that. And while I also get the people who reclass him as paladin, I think the last thing he needs after getting out of Mizora's pact is to immediately be bound by a new and different set of rules to another otherwordly being he's sworn his soul to.

And while I understand why the devs didn't do this, since bards are sort of a support class and there are many possible endings for Wyll where he is on his own, I am bound by no such rules because i know that the only real canon ending is that he is with Karlach.

So, bard Wyll.

For starters, the man loves drama. Look no further than his introduction, but I would also like to present to the jury the conversation where he tries to find Gale a Cool Wizard Name. Pretty much the only thing he ever has fun with anymore is his theatrics. He'd love every second of being a bard and using said theatrics to defeat his foes. Especially because Wyll is a sweetheart but when he's angry he is angry, and as a bard he gets to let his mean streak out with spells like vicious mockery and such. "Oh he already has vicious mockery as a warlock if you have the pact of the tome" thank you for further supporting my argument. He was made for this

But there is more! Wyll is a folk hero and his whole thing is that he wants to help the weak and in need, and if that isn't supporter class material, then I seriously don't know what is. Yes, defeating monsters is important; but healing people, restoring balance by weakening those who abuse their strength, entertaining and making them happy are all just as important ways of supporting the weak, if not more important.

And those ways allow him to be closer to people, which he is so desperately starved of.

As a warlock he sort of had to keep his distance because Mizora would make sure he never got close to anyone, either intentionally or just by the fact that the nature of his pact put people off (even more so after the horns). Unbound by Mizora, he has no such problems and can find a community, even if temporary, with the people he saves. "Oh but you just said you want him to be with Karlach and then he's in Hell". Yes, and there are people there. Show me a single place with more people who are weak and unfortunate in need of rescuing and respite. I'm not the first person to say this, but they actually have the chance to turn the House of Hope into an actual house of hope where people can rest and escape the horrors of the Hells. And those people would need respite and happiness, and Wyll "Drama Boy" Ravengard would be delighted to provide and find himself among them.

Also, if no one else, he has Karlach, and there is nothing he wants more than to see her happy and alright. I don't need to justify this one, it's text. So, again, supporter class makes a lot of sense in that context. Warlock/ranger is good for when he's on his own, but he's sworn to help and protect Karlach now, and while fighting side by side obviously qualifies, being able to heal her - make sure she's alright - support her in battle more than just fighting with her, gives them a deeper bond and puts him more at ease, I believe. Plus, they both deserve and desperately need some playfulness in their lives, so, at the very least, he can make her laugh with his insane Vicious Mockery casts. He kind of overcasts that one because 1- he has fun with it, and 2- it makes Karlach smile, but they're both op as fuck so it doesn't matter anyway. It's the closest they can get to lightness and fun while they don't find a definitive cure for Karlach's heart.

And once they do find it and get the fuck out of there, listen. They both deserve some downtime, okay. We're talking about two people who have been thrown into fighting nonstop since they were barely on the cusp of adulthood, and who have more trauma to unpack than years of life. So fuck going straight back to adventures and oaths and nonstop seriousness. Sure, Wyll would want to, but he also wanted to go to fucking Hell for no reason. Even with his father back, even free of Mizora, that's the only thing he can think to do with himself if you let him choose. And he deserves better than that. He deserves to rest and unpack what's happened and find value in himself beyond the Blade of Frontiers, to enjoy the youth that was stolen from him; and the man craves to settle down more than anything, even if he won't admit it even to himself other than the marriage aspect of things. But need I remind everyone that when Wyll had been given a death sentence - the tadpole - what he did was stop at a grove and teach kids how to fight? He thought he would do one last mission and then die, and what he did was that for once he allowed himself to stay and get to know people and be part of a community for a while. Sure, they needed him, but so many people did. And he was supposed to be hunting Karlach, yet he put that aside in order to have a place to belong, just for a little while, before he became a monster and lost his soul (which is fine, really. One way or the other, he knew that would be his fate. It's just coming sooner than expected, that's all) (this is me laying down Wyll's logic. None of this is fine and I'm screaming and crying).

As for Karlach, she never even wanted to be thrown into any of this anyway. Once they're out of Avernus, they will both need to rest and breathe, and that is final. And as a bard, Wyll can settle down. He can find a home and a community, have a place to come back to, have vacations when he needs to, have fun when he wants to. He will never fully give up being a hero - it's who he is, it's who he's always been even before he was the Blade. Someone who cares, someone who wants to be there for others - but he can and should find balance between that and being himself. And what better class to do that than the artsy, dramatic, drawing-strength-from-your-own-self-expression class?

Plus, as a bard, he gets to sing absolutely off the shits songs about the Blade of Frontiers/Avernus while being the Blade of Frontiers/Avernus. The comedy potential is unlimited. You want to see that. You agree. Don't lie to me.

Also, bards' spellcasting modifier is also charisma, so that's just convenient. I know that when you get reclassed in bg3 you can simply change your stats but uhhhhh. Fuck that? And yes, yes, he already has high wisdom because if anyone has a will of iron it's him, but I also feel like Wyll's off the shits charisma is a part of who he is. He is charming, both in the romantic and non-romantic sense. He enjoys being around people, he loves culture more than anything (I am once again thinking about his idle dialogue with Gale at the tollhouse when Gale says that they must have been very rich with all the trade from the Chiontar and Wyll replies, "And they wouldn't have brought just trade goods, but song, dance, and custom. Riches of the mind and the spirit". If that doesn't summarize Wyll's values and love of life I don't know what the fuck does), he likes being social and charming others. And people are drawn to him, people trust him, because he's a goddamn folk hero through and through, and not just because he's the Blade of Frontiers. So keeping his stats and using his charisma to draw his magical strength just makes sense for him

There's no other class that Wyll would enjoy as much, that would allow him to keep his favorite parts of being the Blade while also allowing room to be himself, or that would fit his current stats as well. Wyll was made to be a bard and I'll go to war over this

[nordickies]

What do you think of the Nordic's relationships with the other characters? Do they have friends outside of each other? Maybe enemies? Who do you ship them with?

Aaah, okay this is going to be messy, so embrace yourself. I have to speedrun my views this time, let's go

Sweden: The idea of Sweden and Ukraine getting along is oddly wholesome to me since they have likely known each other since childhood. And I like the idea of Greece being Sweden's first childhood crush due to the whole Eastern Viking Trade. To me, Estonia is Sweden's old-time friend and potential love interest in the past. Latvia is a runt of a litter Sweden tried to take under his wing at some point, though with varying success. Sweden and Poland have such drastic personalities, and I don't think they get along that well, which is especially funny considering they were technically married for a few years. Plus Poland has his reasons to dislike Sweden. Sweden and Spain's interactions in the canon are so cute; I like to think of them as friends. They may have had something extra going on during the 1960s/70s tourism boom, hehe. On the other hand, Sweden's and France's relationship is intriguing; it has fluctuated significantly in their lifetime. Either they're close allies, with France having massive influence over Sweden, or they despise each other, basically. But Sweden has relatively good relationship with England. I can't see Russia and Sweden getting along at all, sorry. While the Netherlands and Denmark have always been closer, I think Ned and Swe are old friends, too. They're just both lowkey about it. I think Prussia is a bit intimidated by Sweden for some reason; he can't think of ways to converse with him without making things awkward. However, Germany and Sweden get along well! Germany can always count on Sweden to be competent and trustworthy; he talks so little, which is appreciated. And I love the idea of Sweden having a "dad group chat" with e.g. Austria and Australia. They need that peer support at times. Norway: I like Ireland and Norway as potential love interests, but Scotland's romance with Norway intrigues me way more. There are centuries worth of alliances and cultural ties to draw inspiration from for those two. I could see them pining for each other for ages and going back and forth about it. However, I could see Norway getting close to Ireland and Southern Italy (plus the US) during the 18th century! I personally think Norway was one of the few nations that spent some time in the Americas. Obviously, Norway is a close friend of England's; one of the few, actually. They seem to get along, and imagining how much Norway's genuine friendship must mean to the Brit is rather cute. And yeah, I love the Magic trio; Romania and Bulgaria would also make lovely dates for Norway. I stand by the idea of Norway and Switzerland getting along and having a friendship based on their shared love for mountain sports. Liechtenstein and Austria can join in, too, why not? I don't think Norway would get along with France; they seem like such distinct personalities. And I don't believe Norway cares that much for Germany or Prussia; he doesn't seek to spend time with them like the rest of the Nordics. He probably finds them a bit annoying, in all honesty. Oddly enough, Lithuania seems like someone Norway would get along with, and maybe they find themselves hanging out surprisingly often. Norway is an explorer at heart, and he travels by himself a lot. I could see him making unlikely friends during these travels in, e.g., Asia and South America while getting lost on a jungle hike or something. New Zealand and Norway have surprisingly many things in common, so it's cute to imagine them being on friendly terms, as well

Denmark: In my opinion, Denmark would be closer to France than the rest of the Nordics. And Denmark is the cause of England's childhood traumas, hehe. Denmark is obviously close to the Benelux countries; he and the Netherlands are especially tight. Denmark and Estonia are childhood friends who have had their struggles, but they are close nowadays. Their friendship has a lot of potential for cute interactions. I love the idea of Denmark and ASEAN countries connecting through sports, and I could honestly see Denmark and South Korea getting along surprisingly well. Or Australia and Denmark due to their passion for swimming and watersports. I love the idea of Ireland and Denmark having some past romance and being connected due to their long cultural ties. But for some reason, their relationship never lasted to the modern day. In the past, Denmark and Russia had contact through mutual alliances, but they weren't exactly close friends; it's probably hard to break the ice with Russia, yknow. But Denmark probably tried. Austria, Thailand, and Portugal are Denmark's past allies, but they don't have that much going on between them to call each other close friends. Poland and Denmark are old allies, too. While Prussia and Denmark get along nowadays, they have held their grudges and had complicated relationship. I love the possibility of pesky drunk hookups between them; I get my enemies-turned-something drama from those two, tbh. Germany and Denmark are close too, but maybe Germany prefers Sweden's quieter and calmer character. Also, I kind of love the idea of Italy flirting with Denmark and him just playing into it, being a raunchy inside joke between them which keeps confusing unaware bystanders. Denmark and the US are longtime allies and thus on pleasant terms. Denmark is kind of like an older coworker, ready to cheekily mess with you whenever he gets the chance (in this case, targeting Canada specifically). Finland: Estonia and Finland are best friends, practically glued to each other, and Latvia is like the forgotten little brother in this dynamic. Hungary is like a long-lost cousin with whom Finland just immediately clicked. Russia and Finland have their own difficulties, it's complicated. And I don't think Finland would like England or France that much, either. They can be professional, but they're not exactly close friends. But Germany and Finland have always gotten along. I think it's a fun idea that their friendship began in the 19th century, both being lost in how this nationhood responsibility works, and their friendship developed from there. I love the idea of Monaco and Finland becoming friends over their love for motorsports - or Japan and Finland geeking over each other and having surprising cultural similarities. Czechia and Canada share their passion for ice hockey with Finland, so they probably spend time together due to their hobby. Poland and Finland would make great friends, too, even with their past difficulties. Poland and Italy being great friends and adopting Finland into their circle sometimes is a charming idea to me; they make a lovely trio.

Iceland: Well, Iceland is friends with practically everyone—except England. They need to have their petty rivalry because I think it's funny. I also think Iceland's and Turkey's unlikely friendship could be entertaining, but not in a romantic or "creepy" way like everyone tends to portray it. Turkey gives me Uncle vibes. He'd take the poor kid to eat proper food while visiting his place. I think the manga chapters with the ASEAN countries were so cute, proving once again that Iceland could make friends anywhere. I see Iceland being especially friendly with nations like Hong Kong, Seychelles, Liechtenstein, Belarus, Northern Ireland, and Luxembourg. I think he's also very close with the Baltic states! Especially Latvia, since they're so close in physical age compared to others. And the US just one day decided to adopt Iceland as his friend; I don't think they're that compatible personality-wise, and the US probably thinks of Iceland way more highly than Icey does of him. But Iceland just tags along with his louder friend nevertheless

Sadly, I can't go into detail with every single relationship out there. Just picked out the most relevant ones with a sentence or two! So there's a lot more going on and a lot more nuance to each relationship, you know. Feel free to ask for more specifics, I suppose

[hysteriamodes]

i keep looking at this and--

Me when I read this:

You know, for someone who calls them a fan, you sure do like disparaging Alice as a character.

"My family died of mysterious circumstances and the conclusion doesn't make any sense." Doesn't constitute as a character as "whining".

Her experiences are her past, Her past is an experience. The second game is about accepting memories, no matter how bad they are, are a part of herself. That's actually something you learn in trauma therapy.

Again, someone didn't pay attention to canon. We already know that some elements of the first game have been retconned and it's not a perfect story, but I think it's genuinely shitty to label a character as "whiny" when they're probing more to understand more about their past. If this person just thinks that one trip down to Wonderland is going to fix all of Alice's issues with major trauma and psychosis, they're wrong. Especially the latter if she suffers from psychosis.

Like, let's be realistic, here. If you're locked up in a place for ten years, especially during the most critical times of your emotional and physical development, it's going to mess you up. Alice was struggling when she left and several people exploited that. The way I see it, the first game was about accepting her family had died and she was growing up. The second was accepting she couldn't have changed what had happened and gotten over survivor's guilt as well as memories being a core part of her. As flawed as this game is and McGee has issues not retconning some of his work, it works because that's how trauma is. You will have ups and downs in the course of learning to accept what happened to it.

So calling Alice "whiny" or "selfish" is just so wrong, not only from a narrative perspective but also from her character. When she confronts Bumby at Moorgate Station, it's not about her, it is about the children who were being affected and passed out along Whitechapel, London. And if you're not familiar with the history of that area, it was known for trafficking, poverty, and prostitution, that's where Jack the Ripper was. Because Bumby was sadly right: nobody would believe Alice because of her history and when he tells her to leave, she has a change of heart, because she dares to stand up for not only herself and those kids.

Killing him wasn't an act of selfishness, it was the opposite. She could have given up and languished and become nothing, but she didn't. She almost did but Alice was too stubborn. And if this person paid attention to the dialogue enough, they would have seen Alice and Nanny being so critical of what's been happening in Whitechapel.

And... again, she has psychosis?! She was struggling to keep herself grounded and needed the help. She wasn't aware of what was going on sometimes because she struggled with her psychosis and that's a very real issue for some people with C-PTSD. It's done beautifully in "Hellblade". It's not perfect in these games, but it doesn't weaken her as a character, it makes her stronger. I didn't think that Alice seeking help for her psychosis was seen as "whiny". Like, come on, dude.

Did we even play the same games lmao.

[jayladfanpage]

Hi! Tq for the help. Sort of fanon-just-getting-into-canon writer here. I've read Barr's Detective Comics Run + Starlin's run for Robin Jason and UTRH + Lost Days + Countdown to final crisis for RH Jason. Going to be reading more but this is where I am at.

I just wanted to know, how would you approach a story where Robin Jason and RH Jason meet? What are the considerations from canon someone should take writing it? They're complicated, both of them. I don't think RH Jason even likes it all that much but morso deems it as 'necessary' and has made himself a moral casualty.

I'd be happy to have another viewpoint on this! But basically although Jason was an angry teenager, rightfully so, about the unfairness towards victims and the justice system itself being rigged against poor people (the whole diplomat's son fiasco and even adtif discussing immunity) I think he was the type to still view his bleeding empathy and compassion as righteous. I think he'd be vv put off by murder? Atleast the extent to which RH Jason is doing it?

Trauma changes people and grief is such a heavy driving force and I'd want to explore it but I feel iffy on many aspects.

How does RH Jason see himself? Does he see that love and open heart as weakness? It's a mess ;-; I feel my RH Jason characterisation isn't hitting at all. Does he have a moral compass (I don't think so???) Plus for all his love, he's also an asshole (imp information to me). Plus I just don't think Jason as a whole is suitable FOR vigilantism. It's an absolute mess. So if you have any input lmk! Tq.

— ヾ⁠(⁠*⁠’⁠Ｏ⁠’⁠*⁠)⁠/

OMG I LOVE LOVE LOVE TIME TRAVEL AUs!!!

I think a key part here is to not ignore Robin!Jason's anger. He was, generally, kinder and sweeter than Red Hood Jason is, but he was still angry and plagued by violent instincts. You can play this up, have Robin realize that if he continues on this cycle that he doesn't know how to break, he'll become Red Hood. He'll become apathetic to victims and grow hypocritial and, most importantly, alone. Jason, especially as Robin, is desperate for connection and affection. He would genuinely recoil at the idea of having no one that loves him -- it is, after all, what drives Red Hood to demand Bruce kill the Joker.

I do, yes, believe Robin Jason would be put off by the rampant murders. Not that Red Hood kills, I think after Felipe Garzonas he could realistically see himself becoming a killer even if you don't believe Jaybin pushed Felipe off, but he would be upset about the sheer extent of it.*

*You can tie in some of the Batman mythos here. Jaybin fully, throughly believes in Bruce's mission, fully believes that Batman is capable of saving Gotham. To see or know that Red Hood murders people would imply to him that he loses faith in Batman. It would break his illusion that Bruce is all-knowing and all-powerful, and that's GREAT angst potential.

Red Hood Jason believes himself to be right. Judd Winnick said on an interview something that's stuck with me-- Jason does not see himself as a crimelord. He does not see himself as a mass murderer or a villain. He believes himself to be a better Batman. Jason has full faith in his methods and his aggression, and he would not take kindly to anyone (especially a past version of himself) who told him he's wrong.

He does NOT view love and an open heart as a weakness. Red Hood is perhaps even more open with his emotions than Robin has ever been. He's loud about his feelings and he demands people listen to him, forces them to understand and sympathise with him. It hardly ever works, but he does try.

Lastly, Jason actually has a very strong moral compass, he's just wrong. He's headstrong and stubborn and sure of himself. He believes that his murders will change the world, he believes he's a good person. He thinks taking control of crime is the only way to truly stop it. He thinks if you're a horrible enough person then you're no longer a victim, you're a casualty.

None of that applies to himself, of course. He thinks he's good, and kind, and understands politics like nobody else does. He thinks he's saving people when he tells them to join him -- see Green Arrow (2001) #69-72 with Mia.

Hopefully this helps!! Don't be afraid to reach out again if you need anything else, and may the inspiration gods bless you!!<3

[distort-opia]

I'm wracking my brain with what Joker would do in an established situation, like how would he keep those homicidal urges at bay (sex and intimacy can only go so far I imagine) and also there's so much unacknowledged mental health concerns. Bruce would just have to always be ready to pick up the pieces I feel like (God these two are a tragic mess). I don't think normalcy is possible but I don't think their relationship is built for that anyway (I've been writing notes down for a story for days and it's just been consuming me)

An actual relationship between Bruce and Joker is a very complicated thing to imagine, yeah. I agree with you that normalcy is entirely out of the question-- as in, a typical "healthy" relationship. What I think they could have is something that works, but not something that most people would understand or approve of. If you're writing a story, I would say it depends on how they got into the relationship a lot, and if Bruce is compromising as much as Joker perceives he is. For instance, a rehabilitation scenario inherently implies a power imbalance, which Joker would resent and Bruce would not be able to help not taking advantage of. This would not end up working out, in my opinion, unless they got back on equal footing somehow. So a scenario with them an equal footing is what I will be rambling about.

Joker's homicidal urges and mental health issues are indeed a big obstacle. It'd take a whole lot for him to even agree to try for a relationship that involves something other than violence, but this denotes a willingness to compromise from the start. It means he cares about Bruce enough to risk opening the door to his humanity, something that he's very keen on eradicating. Joker can allow himself to love Batman as long as love equals destruction; but once love begins to mean more tender things, things that only people and not monsters can feel... it's a threat to his very identity, to his very core. Hence, just the fact that Joker is in an established relationship means that he's accepted, one way or another, that he's a human being.

Human beings don't need to kill people. Monsters do. It's relevant to note that Joker has an incredible capacity to reshape himself. He's done so multiple times in canon, and always in relation to what he perceived Batman needed. He was murderous when he emerged, but after Robin appeared on the scene he went for funny silly gags, and then he recreated himself back into a horrific threat... In his head, Batman -- the drive to see meaning in all life, to fight for sense in one's existence -- is the force of nature that he's the opposite of. Joker molded himself as the force of chaos: he kills carelessly, sometimes almost joylessly, because he believes he's embodying the true way the world works (though he's shown signs he'd like to be convinced otherwise).

After all, like his fall in the acid and the trauma he went through proved, catastrophe is random. It doesn't matter if you're good or evil, if you've got a family or if you're alone, if you've contributed to society or not. You can get run over by a bus, you can have a heart attack, you can mix the wrong medications, you can get shot in the head by a madman because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. My point with this is that Joker sees himself as an agent of the cruel randomness of existence, and him killing people is very much part of it. So if he stopped seeing himself as an inhuman force for chaos, I think killing would not be a necessity anymore.

That's not to say he wouldn't think of other people's lives as worthless or that he wouldn't instinctually want to kill someone because they're inconveniencing him as some kind of fly buzzing around, but it does mean he wouldn't need to do it. Being with Bruce undermines the very point of being Joker, it means being a person instead of raging at the world. In an established relationship, he'd need to once again reshape himself, figure out who he can be. It'd be very difficult, if you add Bruce's controlling tendencies in the mix. You mentioned Bruce always having to pick up the pieces, but the thing is, Bruce would want to. He'd want to do that too much, he would enjoy seeing Joker be vulnerable, because afterwards... Bruce would be able to put those pieces back together the way he wants them to be. And Joker would be rightly afraid of that, and Bruce himself would be afraid of his own need to do just that, and it'd be a constant push and pull. That's basically what I think it'd be like for a while, before Joker figured out who exactly he's comfortable being, and if he can trust Bruce to still be there when boundaries are being pushed. It'd be a lot of "make me" even in the context of intimacy, until Joker initiates something that doesn't hurt on his own and like... Bruce doesn't move a muscle as if he might spook a wild animal or something. And then Joker snaps at him to stop making it weird, hah.

I'm going to stop here to avoid turning this into a Batjokes relationship essay, but I hope this helped inspire you, Anon! We can always use more Batjokes stories, excited to eventually read yours.

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: Obscure Head Canons (and Hypotheses) You’d Probably Develop When Reading the JJK Light Novels, Pt 1

For an anime with literally no filler episodes 🥹... the first light novel provides a brief insight into the days before (and behind the scenes of) the trauma. As someone who thrives on the misery of being a JJK fan, would the experience be complete without them? The answer doesn't matter because everything you need is below the jump! I saved my biggest theory for last so hop to the end for it.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning for Jujutsu Kaisen Summer of Ashes, Autumn of Dust and season 2 of the anime (manga spoilers are vague at best).

Head Canon: Gojo is the Riddler Purely For His Own Entertainment ✨

As someone who can process things the way a Six Eyes holder probably can, there’s no way he allows Yuji and Megumi to get the drop on him during their surveillance of sensei on his day off. But he takes them around (at a distance) doing silly things like record stores and maid cafes because I think it prompts them to enjoy things they wouldn’t. Especially Megumi. It’s kind of sweet, both their inherent curiosity about him but also lonely the way that he explores his whims so far removed from everyone else. It really highlights that “Who is Gojo Satoru?” question when you realize even Megumi’s interest was lowkey piqued at the possibly knowing a bit more about Gojo.

In the second story, Gojo speaks in straight up nonsense (think Mad Hatter) and it is no wonder when he's working alongside the most straight laced sorcerer there is, Nanami Kento. To a degree, I wonder if it’s genuine chaos spilling from his head or if he knows, after years of pushing Nanami’s buttons, how to precisely drive him up a wall. I question whether it's for his own entertainment or to his own alienation. Maybe Geto really was the only one who could follow the winding thread of Gojo’s thoughts.

Head Canon: Gojo Secretly Worries About Nanami

I think with Haibara’s death and the knowledge he would have made light work of whatever caused it, Gojo makes it a point to join Nanami on missions.. just in case. After all, Nanami and Shoko are all he has left from before. He’s lost many people and, as the strongest, I don’t think that fear is something he’d admit aloud, but its reality is demonstrably what pushes him forward physically and philosophically. In the story where they go on a mission together... it almost seems like an unspoken and uncomfortable understanding between them, the elephant in the room neither want to point out. People around Gojo never wanting to acknowledge how his strength eclipses theirs is rather common which we see with Nanami in this story and even Ijichi later. So while he may make light of this chasm, he still pops in as an unsolicited protector. With grace, he allows Nanami to assume he's just being a nuisance but I really think he takes an ounce of prevention where possible when it comes to the people he cares for. After all, imagine the turmoil if he ever came to realize his absence could make or break another person's survival again.

Head Canon: The Elders Have Always Known, If It Came Down to it, Gojo Would Always Choose Geto

There’s a reason they kept the idea of reanimating the dead a secret specifically from Gojo. In fact, they should probably consider themselves lucky that he was so vehemently disgusted with the curse user capable of such puppetry. I wonder if he experienced hope before allowing the reality of the sham magic to break his heart all over again because, in their secrecy, it seems like they know the lengths he’d go to protect and choose Geto. Geto was allowed to walk the earth for 10 years after his execution was ordered. Maybe they were right to keep it close to the chest. Gojo still saved his body, after all. To what end when he knew a body can run the risk of becoming a curse?

Head Canon: Gojo Saved Ijichi's Life but Condemned Him to Something Worse

Okay so this is kind of a manga spoiler (though I believe the flash back is during the Premature Death/Hidden Inventory arc) but, as a student, Gojo straight up told Ijichi he was weak and should find something else to do so he doesn't get himself killed. So he does. He becomes a steadfast and detail oriented manager which is a critical fixture in jujutsu society but damn, doesn't it just put Ijichi in an ivory tower of suffering? Years pass as he sends first his juniors, then fresh sets of kids into dangerous battle after dangerous battle. Some survive, some don't and all serve as a reminder of his powerlessness. He can cross every "t" and dot every "i" and it still doesn't prevent what happened to Yuji at the Juvenile center from happening. What does that do to one's soul?

Head Canon: Gojo Still Thinks "We Are the Strongest"

As seen with the Premature Death/Hidden Inventory arc, we know that Gojo saw an exponential growth in response to the losses suffered. It seemingly drove a wedge between he and Geto as Geto struggled to grapple with his powerlessness. With his defection, we see where Gojo changes his posturing from "we are the strongest" to "I am the strongest" but in the back of his mind (Alexa, play "Always Forever" by Cults 🫠), we know he still holds a soft spot for his first and last warm spring of youth. At the end of JJK 0, he refers to Geto in the present tense, as his "best friend, [his] one and only." Even after everything, I truly think Gojo leaves space for Geto beside him. This is furthered in the light novel during a story which is placed post Junpei and upon Yuji's return to life at Jujutsu High. Yuji, while still playing dead, helped a kid who had a grade 3 curse that seemed to be resurrecting and, after exorcising it multiple times felt he needed Gojo's assistance. When Gojo refused, he resigned himself to ask Nanamin for help wherein Gojo employed a Teachable Moment (TM).

He approached Itadori, who was hanging his head. "In this world, tragedies too often end in misery, even when it's possible to help. But the problem isn't lack of strength or getting there too late." As Gojo passed Itadori, he patted him on the head without making eye contact. "The main reason it happens is that people forget they have the strength to help."

This was enough to restore Yuji's confidence in his own competence but also sounds informed by what happened between Geto and Gojo in a sense. I interpret Gojo's assertion to center Geto to be the assumed lack of strength (which was most pertinent to how he was advising Yuji) and himself with the poor timing. Ultimately, to Gojo it doesn't matter because he never thought Geto was weak. The insecurity was a product of a situation he failed to reason himself out of, at the time, and it bred resentment within him alone. I don't think Gojo blamed Geto for anything that happened with Riko nor could he blame himself. It simply spurned him to figure out ways to limit his vulnerability in the future. In the face of that loss, Gojo still said they were the strongest and maybe in that moment with Yuji, he was employing a lesson he wished he could have been in a place to tell Geto to quell his festering guilt and grief. You can be strong and still fallible.

Hypothesis: Mimiko and Nanako (and Anyone Else...) Going After Managers is Not a Coincidence

As we saw with JJK 0, Geto's twins were rather merciless in going after the suits who make everything covert about jujutsu society possible. Based on what we knew at the time, the managers provide cover for sorcerers on missions (with curtains, getting them transportation to, providing cover stories) and plug them in with resources as needed. But we begin to realize that managers serve additional purposes. In season 1, we see that they are sometimes part of the investigative force when it comes to getting information around developing situations. With the Shibuya arc and the arc that follows, we see that they are also integral means of liaison and communication between sorcerers and to other points of contact within the community, including windows.

So. Windows are people who can see curses but aren't sorcerers which begs the question, what are managers? As we learn and can infer with Ijichi, who was a former sorcerer in training, managers are people who can see curses and may even be able to manipulate cursed energy. They aren't full blown sorcerers but they aren't completely helpless either. So why go after them?

As we see in the story centered around Ijichi's "boring day" at the office. Managers are sorcerers' only connection to the "human" world. They are what keeps them tethered to their mission in protecting others while similarly upholding the etiquette and traditions around how the rest of the world works. They maintain a very delicate balance of things alongside the supernatural. Without them, you'd have the unchecked ego of teenage Gojo basically just doing as he pleases without curtains or respect to the possible implications of a civilian seeing him work out in the open. To suit Geto's needs during JJK 0, why should sorcerers operate under some guise of hiding their strength for the sake of those who are weak? As to what happens during the Shibuya arc.. imagine the fear, the anxiety. Imagine the chaos! Imagine the curses it would yield.

Hypothesis: Yuji is Still the Main Character, We Just Haven't Seen the Curse that He'd Manifest When Broken Saying it louder for the people in the back

Certain corners of the fandom have largely cast Yuji aside. With the release of JJK 0 and appearance of Yuta, many wonder why Yuta isn't carrying the series. Afterall, his inherent overpowered-ness and ability to copy any technique for sure casts him as the next gen Gojo, right? In the literary sense, we've seen the rise and fall of his story. We haven't seen the last of him by any stretch of the imagination but he is, as we discovered, also jujutsu society royalty. A distant cousin of Gojo's, actually.

Of the main cast of first and second years, Yuji and Nobara are subsequently the only characters who do not have apparent ties to jujutsu society. Nobara, plucked from the countryside, is tested by Gojo upon her initial introduction to the series to make sure she's crazy enough to cut it. Yuji's origin is still a ways from truly coming to light but his inherent strength and the simple ability to house Sukuna and maintain his identity has, in many ways, been indicated to be an anomaly. Subsequently, as the viewer or reader, we know there's more to the story which has yet to come. I won't go into it here given my desire to not spoil the larger manga story but I think laced within the light novels is enough evidence to talk about Yuji and what his power and subsequent threat level is.

Yuji, for all intents and purposes, is an outsider. From what we can tell, he has experienced loss. Most apparently with his grandfather but we also assume he is a victim to the MC syndrome that leaves him orphaned and prime for a journey rife with struggle. He's fifteen with the pure heart of a child despite any previous hardships and just so happens to be armed with the mission to help people.

Yuji approaches the introduction to this new society with the wonderment of a kid finding out superheroes exist. But this naivete, this untempered light, actually has the capability of being something so fearsome when we learn how curses manifest through negative emotions.

In the anime, we see this as Sukuna scratches at Yuji's mental when they realize the possible origin of Tsumiki's curse may have begun killing it's victims when Yuji ate the finger. Mahito employs a similar means of manifesting ill will in Junpei that ultimately also becomes a burdensome guilt that Yuji bears. Countless times in the Shibuya arc, Yuji is forced to witness catastrophic losses of his mentors and friends while he can only stand idly by. The survivor's guilt is compounded by the shame of his own inability to help which only gets worse.

Since Yuji is relatively noble and sincere in nature, he considers these losses personal failures. He takes ownership of any sins against others that Sukuna commits when he is not in control over his body and, subsequently, his spirit takes a beating time and time again. He sought to do good in the world but his ledger becomes increasingly bloody through no means of his own and it weighs on our sunshine character.

It's easy to lend a hand to a child who has fallen, but it's a teacher's job to show a child how to stand up unassisted. It isn't always easy. - Gojo Satoru

The first light novel closes the gap between how Yuji went from training in a basement away from anyone who'd want him dead a second time to being under Nanami's care. While wrapping up Nanami's case, Gojo is uncharacteristically somber in requesting Nanami's assistance. He explains that Yuji requires Nanami's influence as someone who knows human suffering. The losses shared between them are unspoken and are not acknowledged within this exchange but, from what we know, hang as a burden between them. Still, both Nanami and Gojo have continued on as sorcerers somehow, from the grief of their youth into their late twenties. But Gojo gives voice to the concern that, because of Yuji's bravery and altruism, that the reality of what's expected of a sorcerer will one day break his heart if someone with emotional intelligence isn't able to help temper it. They seem to both understand the precariousness of youth and have both been shown to insist in protecting it where possible. This exchange and their mutual understanding is how we have Yuji under the care of Nanamin. It's also where we get the heart rending reminder that "Being a child is by no means a crime," and "You've escaped death many times. But that doesn't mean you've become an adult."

In the last story of the book, as Yuji is reunited with the other first years, he is contemplating a situation he encountered that still lacked resolution. He'd exorcised the exact same demon several times but to no avail. He hopes to enlist Gojo's help but Gojo encourages him to think about the problem more because not everything can be solved by fighting and exorcising when the source of curses is from human emotion. As Yuji races off to resolve the issue that's been weighing on him, Gojo reflects on his responsibility to preparing Yuji for the ups and downs that are sure to befall him.

Itadori's sincerity was a more significant attribute than his being Sukuna's vessel. As a result, trauma had the potential to become a curse more fearsome than anything else, a nasty curse preventable only by confronting one's own heart. Instead of cradling that heart, Gojo could teach it to be prepared. That's what it meant to raise students.

While the story resolves without consequence, we see that Yuji's reflection on the situation is as endearing as one would imagine though still a bit warped. He is galvanized to be stronger, dedicated to providing the help the people need whatever it may be, and to not give those he cares about reason to worry which seems in line with what Gojo was hoping for. But being offset by his consideration for how others feel like Nobara and Fushiguro when he died, it almost feels like he's creating an even larger burden of expectations for himself. This gives rise to Gojo's very real concerns about how far someone can fall into despair, especially someone who is such a beacon of positivity.

[jomeimei421]

hi do you have any more fic recs?? ive read everything you already recommended in the last post and i am Terrible at finding fics myself-

why yes indeed i do <(:]) spoilers for all of ORV under the cut! Here is a link to my other fic rec post for those who haven't seen it yet.

Mei's ORV Fic Recs 2: Electric Boogaloo

Looking for Yoo Joonghyuk by Je_te_veux

GEN, written for YJH's birthday. A canon compliant exploration of YJH's search to find the answers to who he is and what he should live for. Takes place during the epilogue. Again, JTV is a Chinese author so you will need to read their fics with material translation, but their writing is remarkable! I'm especially fond of the way they wrote YJH and Anna Croft, and also, I have a soft spot for things where YJH (who has had to carry the enormous burden of the Story for so long) finally gets to do some reading and writing of his own.

Love & Affection Do (Not) a Cat Make by featherx

Sangsoo, with a side of Joongdok. The misadventures of HSY (cat) and YJH (cat???). I have a special spot in my heart for this fic because cat HSY is written so hysterically well it has permanently affected my own characterization of HSY. Funny, charming, cute, but as with all things orv, has a very sweet and sad undertone.

Great Escapes by wyrvel

JDJ. YJH attempts to confess. KDJ does not make things easy for him. The calling card of a great jdj confession fic is a tasteful amount of KDJ brand tomfoolery, just enough to make you want to grab him and shake him like maracas. This fic accomplishes that with flying colors. It's written from YJH's pov, but you can just feel the gears turning and steam puffing out of KDJ's head. Op understands babygirl YJH. As a warning, this is the first part of a three fic series, the other two are NSFW.

Only I know how this show will end! by ineedacatchyname

YHK. Our favorite toxic polycule, now on live tv! A truly tremendous Love Island AU fic. My absolute favorite thing about this fic is that every time a character is introduced, there's a cutaway to their Love Island Love Interest Self Introduction Sexy Beach Montage Reel written in the style of a TV film script and every last one of them had me crying real tears. YSA is also excellent in this fic.

World's End Rhapsody by wakerife

JDJ, with a side of Sangsoo. This was one of the first orv fics I read, before I started bookmarking them; there's a really sweet scene of YJH reading that I couldn't get out of my head so I went on a hunt to find this fic again by searching through every single ORV fic tagged with "post-canon." A collection of KDJ recovery snippets, punctuated by some heartfelt jdj.

At Sea by ksalientian

YHK. The dead return from the sea, including KDJ. He doesn't come back exactly how they remember. Eerie, melancholy, and permeated with slow, enormous loss. There are some horror like elements in this fic, but it's more psychological than something that might make you squeamish. Yoohan are going through it. Fantastic fic!

I don't want to fall asleep just yet by featherx

GEN. Pre-canon. There's a ghost that lives inside of HSY's house. A short character study on the loneliness of a writer.

A New Story Written by pyrrhura

YHK. KDJ worries in the middle of the night about being responsible for a new story, and about being a father. Or, three idiots and baby. I love fics where yhk get their blissfully mundane happy ending, but op doesn't confuse that with forgetting the traumas and hardships of the past. Love the banter in this fic, and the way they just lean on one another without even thinking. As a warning, there are discussions of unplanned pregnancy in this.

Ain't Nobody Solving That Declining Birth Rate by dulcetair

YHK. KDJ is fresh out of a coma (broke) and YJH is a former terrorist (also broke.) The post-scenario government issues a cash incentive for people to get married. Or, the gang commits marriage fraud! Features YJH wearing a apron that says grillmaster on it. I was already a firm believer in YHK getting married for """tax benefits""" because it makes things easier for KDJ who is too embarrassed to admit anything otherwise, but the idea of HSY using Avatars to game the system and buy a three story house just for funsies is also incredibly in character.

What the Living Do by younglegends

GEN. Snapshots of mourning, loving, and longing from various KCom members' points of view. The chronological events of this fic are backwards, which makes for an interesting read. Younglegends hasn't written a lot of ORV stuff yet, but the two fics that they have so far are both downright phenomenal, and some of the best work I've seen in this community. They are also the author of the fic that I refused to spoil in the previous orv fic rec. Also, their YSA characterization is perfect.

That's all for now! Enjoy!

[gab-has-adhd]

📍🃏Illumi and Hisoka headcanons I have

Warning for potential NSFW or gore-related stuff as well as general angst, traumas, s*icid*l thoughts and drug use ⚠️ Please do not read if you are not in the best mental health state and believe this could harm you. Stay safe 💕

Warning for some SPOILERS if you only watched the anime and/or didn't read pas the end of the election arc 🌸

Do not engage a discussion with me if you are disagreeing please, I just feel like sharing, I am not looking for discussion or arguments 🌸 Keep in mind that these are just my headcanons in the end, and headcanons, by definition, aren't canon.

📍Illumi📍

A traumatized man who always acts as if nothing is wrong, ignoring his trauma on purpose, not seeking help nor wanting to heal

He has been brainwashed by his parents. By his family in general. This guy believes he exists only to be useful to the Family (tm)

Meeting Hisoka is specifically what made him start to stray from "the path of the assassin"

Baby realized he had the right to desire things for himself like any human being

And boy he wants power and control

Absolutely yassified himself to match Hisoka

Neurodivergent (AuDHD, I want to believe)

Queer and homosexual

I want to believe he has BPD solely because I want him to be like me

He does feel pain. He just doesn't react to it. His pain receptors might have been altered, but I like to think it's more of an emotionally / sensitively stunted kinda thing

I really just think he got tortured until he just completely stopped reacting.

God thas man is broken

He does dissociate and have traumatic flashbacks on occasions. And ignores them. And lets his mental health get worse.

Used to have trypanophobia

Sensations are complicated for him. They tend to mix up. He often confuses pain for pleasure (the opposite as well)

Boy is extreme. He likes everything extreme. He wants to feel things, and to feel things, they have to be extreme.

Weird fascination for blood

I swear to fuck this man holds himself back so hard from provoking bloodshed because he is an ✨️assassin✨️ and has to be discreet and professional, but. Dang. Blood.

He's AFAB just because I am AFAB úwù

Probably greyromantic or demiromantic.

Also probably greysexual or demisexual.

He does care for Hisoka, deep down. But he 100% denies that fact. Denies so hard he thinks Hisoka being dead won't bother him at all. It will. God it will.

He's so silly.

Everyone thinks he has no emotions but he does have emotions! He has a heck lot of emotions. It's the ability to emote he somewhat lacks. Ya know, like a lot of neurodivergent people.

He's a dom but he will be a bottom for the right person (aka someone able to override his numbness and make him scream)

More of a masochist than a sadist

Lanky boy who does hard drugs because he wants to feel ✨️

Secret death wish

Takes everything he hears literally

Toned but underweight

Knows how to make piercings

When he was little, Kikyo used to dress him up in kimonos like a doll just like with Kalluto.

Look I love both of his seiyuus honestly but Urara Takano wins my heart

Depending on the person and despite how detached he acts, he can actually behave in a jealous or possessive way.

⭐️Hisoka💧

Such a mystery man right here

Genderfluid pansexual

Oh boy he do be hypersexual

His natural hair color is red. This guy is a ginger.

He dyes them magenta or blue all the time.

He actually is covered with freckles.

Uses makeup + Bungee Gun + Texture Surprise to hide them though

He is very self-conscious about his face and overall appearance. Baby hates his freckles.

I don't teally wanna imagine a backstory for this guy. This guy doesn't need one. I honestly don't care about why he is Like That, he just is. Let him remain the Mystery Man!

Sociopath

Does he actually care for Illumi? Honestly? Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't.

But at the end of the day I do think Illumi is really just another of his toys. An exceptional toy, a toy nonetheless.

Obsessed with violence

A very lonely man

Kind of a loser honestly

Actually an introvert

Possibly has ADHD. As an ADHD person I am not sure to see traits in him but hey. Why not

Doesn't have a death with but he isn't scared of death either

Is he only capable of feeling genuine, 100% not-twisted romantic feelings? I doubt it

There is something deeply wrong with this man but we will never know why

Life is just a game for him and he intends to have as much fun as possible

Autoassassinophilic mf

Just as more of a sadist than he is a masochist

Both Illumi and Chrollo make his kokoro go dokidoki, but at least with Illumi it's mutual (?)

Body covered with scars he hides with his nen

He is still disfigured from the Chrollo fight under that Bungee Gum

He is kept alive by post-mortem nen. When / if he succeeds to kill all of the Spiders, he will die for good.

Might have actually met Illumi once when they were kids. They both forgot.

I prefer his 1999 seiyuu. Hiroki Takahashi in my heart forever 🌸

This man has the worst possible vibe but gets what he wants thanks to his big dumptruck ass and his charisma

Pathologically big cock

He thinks too often with said cock instead of using his brain

[whatawalrus]

Little bit late here but how do you best see Darin’s dynamic in your headcanons? This coming from someone who ships them but sees it as kind of a toxic doomed situationship with one of them (always Daan) dying in the Festival.

Oh you're not late at all! I'm just slow af. XD

It will depend on the scenarios. I cant really pinpoint my hcs cause I try to line up with their canon nature, but know they are in a dire situation, being in the termina festival. I like to think outside of their lives.

There are alot of hcs I have, but alot of them might be different with what the fandom sees them as. Perhaps it's that part of me that like bittersweet or long sweet growth between these stubborn headbutting duo. Other parts, it was never meant to be. But i think they might being out the best with each other if they give each other a long time.

Yess! I do love the doomed situationships alot! I have read some great fics that display this so well. That appending doom and they have their time left surviving what appears fruitless.

First off, enemies to lovers; it's a VERY hard dynamic to pull off. They weirdly bounce off each other very well, but some cases, people mistake abuse for chemistry too. I am guilty of this trope, and maybe because of this, I was delighted by the ship (plusssss my friends got me into it xD).

-------

The Endless and the Blank soul. A void going on forever. There's nothing but space, but it keeps going on. The Blank soul has 'Endless' potential. The Endless Soul has no finish line, blank sets of pages to skip through.

Both have some things in common, both are "selflessly selfish" in their own way. Might not be the best phase of meaning, but let me explain.

Karin pursuits selfless causes since she was young, engaging in protests against the Breman Empire, covering wars (lol) as a journalist and is compassionate for the unfortunate. A bleeding heart if you will. Remember, even being in upperclass, she was raised away from wealth from her kidnapping. She stops at nothing to get a concrete answer for everything and everyone she seeks out, and she does it very well, giving her fighting spirit. That being said, she does these without much consideration on other's feelings or opinions with how she does things, making her self-centered. She has tunnel vision, when she has a goal, thats all that matters. It makes her appear self-righteous and out of her depth. Karin definitely wears her career on her sleeve, with may come to the negative stereotype of journalists being pushy, nosy vultures. Given the "Karen" personality she has, it does not help her case.

Daan is a man who seen and experienced trauma, which he uses for helping others. A man who lives for others. Daan is very good at a doctor, passionate about it, we see him trying to aid the moonschorched villagers despite his sarcastic wit. He is willing to sacrifice his mind and body for healing others given his skill abilites relates to healing. From his background, he is sympathetic towards some contestants like Levi and Marina and rather protective of them (yes the BOP scene counts lol). The otherside is Daan can be very callous, haughty and condescending. Yes, he is polite on the outside, but its a shield; the events of Termina cracks that facade. He expresses the doom and gloom, dimissive of the silver lining. According to some folks, Daan appears as conceited and poking fun at their expense. Now that doesn't mean he thinks he is better than anyone, he had so many misfortunes in life that he is blinded by cynicism. His suffering is in serect in guilt and shame, that he seems to reflect in his sarcastic humor and sometimes projects on others. He sacrifices himself as self punishment than a viture. A doctor's job is self-sacrificing, but the way it is displayed as self-destructive. He believes he has nothing left. It doesn't help that Pocketcat is encouraging his thoughts that his life was never his in the first place. He is not his own person, he's a vessel. So why should he care what happens to him? Someone will think he is reckless and selfish how he is destroying himself slowly.

---

Let me make it clear; depression can be such a destructive force of oneself, and that sometimes one can be so absorbed in their self-punishment, they become deaf to other's feelings or even resentful of them. It can make one recluse away, hiding from what can help you. It makes you appear selfish or act on selflish tendencies. This is from someone who has been diagnosed with chronic depression disorder and it has been severe since.

---

(Fuck that was stupid and harsh on Daan, i see him as he is and from my experiences of depression and seeing friends who suffer similarly too. What happened to him is not his fault. but let me get to the hcs...?)

I like to hc alot of growth of characters being out of the festival. I am sure they act differently when not on the brick of death. It brought out the worst in people to survive.

Example; they escaped, pondering their lives afterwards. One wants to spread the word of the horrors she witness, the world needs to know to prevent this from happening again. The other, he has went with nothing to return to, only motivated by what happened to his wife and the baron.

It would be interesting to see how they will intertwined later in life.

I had ideas of drabble on how harsh Karin can be about Daan's self-deprecating humor, he will dismiss his survival as "coincidental" or his aid for others wasn't anything special. Karin is passionate and won't take his pity nonsense, be blunt on what he is was the many reasons many folks are alive and give himself more credit. Daan might ground her into reailty to see the forset for the trees cause she doesnt grounds herself in reality depsite of her denial of magic. Something like that. Both can learn alot from each other. Maybe they aren't made to last, but they would change for good cause of they knew each other....in three days. Idk anymore

I rambled way too much. Might offended some folks, might be wrong in some. Many of these thoughts are from the games, friend discussions and some fanfics that are close to the canon, i take it as such. Modern Man Traditional Medicine by @ vampireghostlawyer is one of the best ones I read. If you want more sweet, @ BrickleandFickle has very wholesome ones. Ther3es other fics can't recall but i will add a shoutout when i remember them

[sage-nebula]

For the character ask game: Whisper the Wolf!

Thank you so much!!

How I feel about this character:

Summed up in a single image:

She can do no wrong in my eyes. And even when she does do wrong, that's OK and I forgive her 💜

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

I headcanon that Claire (from the OG Diamond Cutters, RIP) was her first girlfriend. And then of course, Tangle is her current girlfriend.

But I also like shipping her with Lanolin. 👀 Don't get me wrong, I don't think this would be a particularly healthy relationship. I think they would both enable each other's worst tendencies without realizing that's what they're doing, even as they tried to help each other in terms of coping with their respective traumas or whatnot. But not all ships have to be healthy, and in a situation where the Restoration Civil War arc I've been imagining came to pass (which I'm starting to lose hope will happen in canon, but I can always write it myself if it doesn't), I could definitely see this happening since I do believe Whisper would choose Lanolin's side while Tangle would choose Sonic's, leading to their breakup.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

Her wisps! My biggest gripe with how Whisper is portrayed in canon is how little thought is given to her wisps. They aren't even given proper names, which is why I had to do find a way to do so while still adhering to how their colors are used in dialogue most of the time. But the wisps were partnered with the original Diamond Cutters; they were as much part of the team as the mobians were, and now they and Whisper are all that's left. So whenever I write stories where Whisper is the POV character, I make sure to include them as much as I can, because they're all she has left of her family, and she's all they have left, too. :(

After the wisps though, I also like how her relationship with Sonic has been portrayed. As much as I don't think she'd take his side in the Restoration Civil War arc (because she'd align more with Lanolin's "take the fight to Eggman and take him out" beliefs vs Sonic's "wait for Eggman to do something and then stop that and let him go" beliefs), she still clearly appreciates him as a friend, because of how respectful he is of her boundaries. Their moments together are always kind and soft, and it's nice. :)

My unpopular opinion about this character:

It's not really an opinion, but I guess just noticing and pointing out that Whisper has an attempted murder count of four in the comics so far? Because I remember getting into an argument with someone because they wanted to insist that Whisper wouldn't be able to kill Mimic, of all people, and so Silver should be the one to do it instead, when Whisper has canonically already tried to kill him twice and only didn't do it the second time because Tangle shielded him with her own body. (And only didn't do it the first time because she had to choose between killing him and saving Tangle, and she chose to save Tangle.) And she's also tried to kill Eggman twice, only stopping the first time because Cream shielded Eggman with her body, and the second time she did shoot him through the heart, but it didn't take because of Eggman's trap sticking her eeby deeby. I got accused of wanting to see Whisper as a brutal killer or a murderer or whatever, and it's just -- no? I'm just recognizing what is textual for her character, which is: if she determines that someone is an irredeemable villain, and she has a chance to kill them, she WILL take the shot. This is especially true if she has a personal vendetta with them, as she does with Eggman and ESPECIALLY with Mimic. I don't know if it's because she's a female character, because she's ordinarily soft-spoken and shy, or both that make some people want to ignore that about her, but it's nonetheless true. There are two characters generally aligned with the heroes (as in, against the villains) in this series who can be counted on to take the shot, and those characters are Shadow and Whisper. And apparently that's an unpopular opinion, but IMO it's not an opinion. It's just fact lmao.

(One could also argue Omega, but I think Omega only destroys badniks, so I'm not sure that really counts here. I think Whisper and Shadow are the only ones who'd take out humans / mobians like Eggman and Mimic.)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

Aside from her wisps getting to have actual names / be more present characters as mentioned above (it's not like it's unheard of -- Lanolin's wisp is named Maggie!), I had to write a fix-it fic after the debacle of making her apologize about being upset over Tangle using the name Diamond Cutters for the new squad that Lanolin set up. Don't misunderstand, there was something Whisper did need to apologize for -- namely, trying to leave without saying goodbye prior to the Trial By Fire arc -- but she had every right to be upset with Tangle for using the name Diamond Cutters. That wasn't her name to use, and I think that it was glossed over too quickly, even though I do understand that they couldn't spend pages upon pages of comic space discussing it, lol. (Oh, and I had to show the wisps having opinions about it, too, because again, they were part of the original team, this affected them, too!)

Other than that, it would be nice to get to see Whisper having fun and being happy more often, as she was in the Endless Summer issue. She has been through so much; she deserves to actually smile and enjoy herself sometimes :') it would be nice to see that again.

Thanks again for sending this!!

[kcrabb88]

uno reverse card-ing you to ask about quinlan for the character ask game :D

Thank you! <3 Your answers were 10000/10! @ninjigma also asked me for Quin hehehe.

How I feel about this character

Quin is one of my fave guys in Star Wars, and he should be VASTLY more appreciated than he is! He's such a good-hearted and complicated guy and I love him so much.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Obi-Wan! In some circumstances I can get behind him dating Ventress for a bit and then becoming friendly exes. But, I'm pretty exclusively a QuinObi shipper. I'm a sucker for childhood friends-to-lovers and I think they know and get each other so well.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

OMG I have a lot! I do adore his relationship with Aayla and Tholme and the three of them as a unit. They know each others strengths and weaknesses, and Tholme and Aayla always believe in Quin even if he doesn't quite believe in himself. The comics are so so great for digging into that!

@coruscantrhapsody and I also developed a bunch of foundation for a friendship between Quin and Padme, which is now in a lot of my fics. I treasure them!

Also Quin and Dex! Big fan of them.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I've talked about this a lot, but the rampant characterization of Quin as incompetent and kind of dumb is so??? I hate it?? Quin is funny! He has a sarcastic sense of humor! I dunno why that equates to "dumb" but he's actually super competent and really smart and I just. Don't get where this fanon came from.

I also have seen some things where Quin like, kind of misuses his psychometry to tease people about things and I'm of the opinion that he wouldn't do that on purpose? He's this like, psychometric prodigy pretty much, and that power, in legends in particular, is the root of some of his biggest traumas. I think he's quite serious about how and when he uses it. Like sure, he might make mistakes sometimes (especially during his bout with the dark side when he's crossing lines to accomplish his goals) but I don't think he'd use it for superfluous reasons?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I so desperately want to see what he did with the Path, and also really really wish we could see him reach out to Obi-Wan and/or Obi-Wan reach out to him even if just to say "I know you're alive." The "Quinlan was here?" moment in OWK hit me so hard that I got a whole ass tattoo of "only when the eyes are closed can you truly see" as a result. So, I'd just love to see that in a book or comic or something! Not that I haven't written several fics on this topic, but, you know.

[adhd-merlin]

Rarepair fave is def Merdred, those mfs had Vibes™ that were just.... Something else. Like, they needed to be locked in a room so they could either talk it out, fight it out, or fuck it out. Something. Anything. Because I really think if not for that goddamn prophecy, Merlin would like Mordred! A lot! Another sorcerer that's actually on his side, actively helping him! Tbh, I think he liked him in canon, even though he didn't want to, which just adds to the Angst of them.

Fave scenes of them are in "With All My Heart" when Mordred says he hopes he and Merlin can be friends and you can just see Merlin internally screaming at a volume to break glass, and in "The Drawing of the Dark" when Mordred asks why Merlin always thinks the worst of him, and again, you can see that moment of Merlin just being weighted by what he knows and being unable to say it.

And for a fic rec: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25627360 (it is smut, but there are also feels, and it's Mordred POV)

FINALLY! THANK YOU!

I really think if not for that goddamn prophecy, Merlin would like Mordred! A lot!

He did like him! He said it himself!

GAIUS: If Mordred wished Arthur ill, he has had ample opportunity to do so. He's a likeable boy, Merlin. MERLIN: I know. I like him myself, but I can't ignore what I saw. — From The Disir, Ep 5x05

That's what makes it tragic, they could get on, they could be friends, they actually have much in common — but Merlin can't afford to get close to Mordred because of what he knows/thinks Mordred's going to do.

Here's my thoughts about this ship:

Arguments in favour:

• ENEMIES TO LOVERS

• the delicate balance of power: Alex and Colin go on quite a bit about Mordred and Merlin's relationship in the commentary to ep 5x02. Mordred technically outranks Merlin, given he's a knight and Merlin is just a servant, but also Merlin is Emrys and, as a Druid, Mordred is aware (and likely in awe) of his role and power. And they are both the unwilling keeper of the other's secret, as they both have to hide their magic in Camelot. It makes for an interesting dynamic.

• Like I said, it's tragic that Merlin had to keep Mordred at arm's length (emotionally) because they had some common ground: they both loved Arthur — I mean they both cared about him, and they both had faith in him. Mordred believed that Arthur would bring about a golden age just as much as Merlin did! They both yearned for peace, and they both had to stain their hands with blood to survive. They both had to go through so much trauma.

KARA: You're a knight. MORDRED: That doesn't matter. KARA: Of Camelot. Why, Mordred? MORDRED: Arthur is a good man. KARA: I can't believe you'd say that. MORDRED: You don't know him. — From The Drawing of the Dark, Ep 5x11

• As with Sefa, I think Merlin could benefit from having a Druid partner.

• Merlin glaring at Mordred is pretty hot. He also gets slammed into a wall by him which, again. Pretty hot.

• They could literally mind-fuck each oth— [gunshot sound]

Fave scenes of them are in "With All My Heart" when Mordred says he hopes he and Merlin can be friends and you can just see Merlin internally screaming at a volume to break glass, and in "The Drawing of the Dark" when Mordred asks why Merlin always thinks the worst of him, and again, you can see that moment of Merlin just being weighted by what he knows and being unable to say it.

Both great scenes! I love all the scenes they have together, I think. The way Mordred always looks and sounds vaguely menacing without doing or saying anything outright evil. They way he is desperate for Merlin's approval :(

My favourite Merlin & Mordred scene has to be the one from episode 5x05 (The Disir).

MERLIN: It won't always be like this. One day we will live in freedom again. MORDRED: You really believe that? MERLIN: I do. Beat. They both look down at the grave. MORDRED: Until then, we go unmarked in death as in life. — From The Disir, Ep 5x05

It's a rare moment of bonding between them. Mordred appeals to their shared nature ("he was one of us") and, for once, Merlin puts down his defences. He offers Mordred a few words of comfort ("It won't always be like this"). And then Mordred hits him with that fucking PROFOUND line and Merlin doesn't know what to do with it.

This is not the horrible future-murderer he's made Mordred up to be in his head. This is a boy with hope in his eyes and kindness in his heart (still). It speaks so much of what they could have been if destiny hadn't got in the way. (I've also gone on about Merlin's complicated relationship with other magic folks in another post. Yes, I have many feelings about it).

I love that scene from ep 5x11, too, ("Everything I do, you think the worst") — probably my second favourite scene with these two.

It starts out with Merlin being so confrontational and aggressive, but it ends with Merlin deciding to trust Mordred, for once. Perhaps reluctantly, but he does.

It's tragic that he seems to open up to Mordred when it's too late. I've touched on before on why I think it is that it happens at this moment. Merlin has literally been in Mordred's position. In fact, some of the dialogue in this scene echoes Merlin and Gaius's confrontation in ep 2x09, when Merlin was ready to run away with Freya.

If that wasn't clear enough, we also have Mordred asking Merlin directly:

Tell me you wouldn't do the same for the woman you love.

But of course Merlin would. He has. Well, he's tried to.

But again, because of what he knows about Mordred, Merlin can't let Mordred escape, even though he gets what he's trying to do, and doesn't blame him for trying.

I also like when Mordred angrily confronts Merlin later in the same episode. His outburst shows how he is well aware of how unfairly Merlin has been treating him, and although he's been remarkably chill about it up until now, it doesn't mean he's not angry and resentful about it. He may not show his emotions much, but he's not unfeeling.

"You did it because you hate me", he says, and "This time you've gone too far!"

THIS IS A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH. It's also a reminder of how much Mordred has been putting up with — for all he knows, Merlin hates him for no good reason. I think it says something about Mordred's nature that he only truly snaps when Merlin's meddling threatens the person he loves. MY STABBY CHILD IS FULL OF LOVE OKAY

I just think they have such an interesting dynamic!

I can see why they wouldn't be a super popular pairing, given Merlin's attitude to Mordred in the show and what Mordred ends up doing. And also the age gap, I guess (I personally don't find it too weird because the actors are so clearly close in age that it can be easily brushed off, but I can see why other people might find it off-putting).

Fanfics

THANK YOU for the fic rec anon, I've skim-read it and it looks very much up my alley ♡

I actually haven't gone looking for many Merlin/Mordred fics. I've a read a few ages ago, most of them just short ficlets, but I only have one bookmarked. It's the fic that put Merlin/Mordred on my radar:

Set in Stone by EachPeachPearPlum (on AO3).

It's a relatively long fic (almost 50k words), so there is space to explore Merlin and Mordred's relationship.

I actually read it before watching the show properly (I basically watched a bunch on scenes from the show and dipped my toes in fanfiction before deciding to watch all of the series).

I haven't re-read it since, and I don't even remember how it ultimately deals with the whole prophecy thing, if it even gets to that point (I think the author meant for this to be part of a series but they didn't continue, although this story is complete). But the prophecy was addressed, with what I thought was an interesting twist.

(I won't say anything too spoiler-y in case anyone wants to check it out, but Mordred is actually aware of the prophecy and he even knows an extra bit about Merlin which Merlin himself doesn't know about. It's revealed pretty early in the story, so it's not really a spoiler).

It touches on some aspects of Merlin and Mordred's relationship that I find fascinating, so I think it's worth a read if you're interested in this pair.

Random lil' excerpt:

"I am not a child, Emrys," Mordred hisses, leaning in close; Merlin suspects he's going for menacing, but all it really comes off as is petulant, which sort of proves his point. "I was the last time you tried to kill me, but not now." And then there are words in Merlin's head, words he is powerless to stop, filled with a rage that is everything and nothing all at once. Keep your reasons to yourself, Emrys, but do not try to placate me with what we both know are lies. Mordred stands then, the expression on his face one of youthful rage, burning bright and burning quickly, and Merlin wishes he was right. If Mordred wasn't so young, Merlin could kill him without hesitation, could dream about him without hating himself (or without hating himself quite so much, since the fact that Mordred is destined to destroy everything Merlin is destined to protect is at least as much of a concern as Mordred's age). This could all be over and done with, one way or another. "Get out of here, Mordred," Merlin snarls. "You live because I let you, and you live for as long as I let you. Do not tempt me."

I JUST THINK IT'S HOT WHEN HE THREATENS TO MURDER PEOPLE OKAY

I'm just going to bring this post back to your attention. There are dozens of us! (people who find mean Merlin sexy). DOZENS

As a final note — my Italian brain refuses to call this ship Merdred. There's got to be a better name for it 😭