#i don’t need you to tell me how good science careers are when i’m doing a *checks notes* humanities baccalaureate

[itwaslegendary]

even though i’m done with high school i have to go take an english exam tomorrow and attend some pointless meeting on thursday and i hate it because i was so happy to finally get rid of all those people’s faces who have made my life living hell these past 6 years but nahhh they’re really making me get up at 7 to waste my time

i mean the exam is important yeah but be serious you could’ve made us take it before school finished for us……. just like every other teacher…… idk just an idea

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

what, like it’s hard?, pt. one

“it’s just that… if i want to win a seat in congress by the time i’m thirty, i need to find someone who’s serious about my career. not some little elementary school teacher that cares more about his students than what he’s wearing on my campaign stops,” tommy tells steve, as they’re sitting in quite possibly the fanciest restaurant steve’s ever step foot in. the menu hadn’t even included any prices.

“but… i’m seriously in love with you.” steve feels like his whole world is falling apart. just last week he’d been so sure that tommy was getting ready to propose. he’d introduced steve to his family—they’d spent a week out on martha’s vineyard for a family reunion at which steve had met tommy’s great-grandmother, hands laden with rings as she’d winked when tommy had asked for a private conversation. steve had been so sure that conversation was about the family ring.

“and i love you too, baby, but look. you don’t want to have to leave your students for half the year to come on the campaign trail with me, do you?” tommy asks, not even really looking at steve. he continues to just eat his stupid dinner as if he’s not ripping steve’s heart out at this very moment.

and steve can’t help but think how silly this all is, because it’s not like tommy’s actually running for anything right now. steve doesn’t even teach yet, beyond the two days a week he does his student teaching. they’re only 22, they haven’t even graduated northwestern with their bachelors degrees! but tommy’s saying these things as if they’re all real, right now.

“and i’m off to harvard next fall. it’s not like we’ll stay together while i’m there and you’re still here, right?”

and the thing is, steve had actually thought he’d be going with tommy to boston. they’re both set to graduate in the spring, steve with his degree in education and tommy with a dual major in pre-law and political science. they hadn’t really ever talked about it, but they’d been together since the beginning of their sophomore year. so yes, steve had thought they’d still be together when tommy started at harvard law.

but now steve’s starting to feel extra stupid.

“so… what? you’re breaking up with me?” steve starts to feel his chest tightening, like he might cry. he can’t believe that two hours ago he thought he’d been getting ready for a proposal.

“don’t think of it as a breakup, stevie… think of it as a conscious uncoupling. we’re just moving in two different directions. i’ll be at harvard law next semester and you’ll be…” tommy gives him a look of slight disdain—steve has never seen tommy look at him like that. waitstaff? sure. his driver? absolutely. but it’s never been directed at steve before. “well, you’ll be teaching snot-nosed six year olds. we’re on different paths.”

and that’s what truly makes steve’s blood boil. his passion for teaching and education is one of his greatest qualities and he’d thought that had been part of the reason tommy loved him. he didn’t realize that tommy loved him in spite of that. he’s not gonna let some asshole like tommy montgomery hagan iii tell him he’s no good.

so he doesn’t respond. he just takes the linen napkin off his lap and throws it on his half-eaten steak dinner and marches out of the restaurant.

tommy doesn’t even follow him out.

~*~

“oh steve… i’m sorry,” robin says to him about an hour later while steve lays his head in her lap on their dingy couch.

“it’s not even that he broke up with me,” he explains through tears. “it’s that he basically said i was worthless. like i couldn’t do anything better than teaching. as if teaching isn’t even an admirable profession! where would he be without his teachers, huh? isn’t this all about going to stupid harvard? what does he think the professors there actually do? knit?”

“is this a bad time to tell you that i always kind of hated him?” robin says, maybe trying to get him to laugh. but it kind of surprises steve. he sits up, knocking her hands from where they’ve been carding through his hair in the process.

“you did?! no, you didn’t.” he searches robin’s face for a moment and then sighs. “why didn’t you say anything? you could’ve saved me a whole lot of wasted time.”

“babe, you were so gooey-eyed for that guy, nothing i said was gonna change that. a crowbar couldn’t have pried you away from him. but you have to know he was an asshole.” when steve stares at her blankly, she huffs. “steve, he used to offer to cover the whole tab when we went out. how often did he ever actually pay, even for his own drinks? he made poor jonathan cry the last time we were all here for game night, just because jonathan asked for clarification on the rules for pictionary.” steve is still staring at her. “he tried to stiff argyle by offering him a flight on his dad’s private jet instead of paying for his weed and we all know he doesn’t even have access to the jet. dude was cheap as fuck and not even nice about it.”

steve thinks about it. it was kind of true. tommy was a horrible tipper—steve usually laid down a couple of twenties when they went to dinner together when tommy wasn’t looking. he can remember more than a few times where the guy had sent their food back even though it had looked perfectly wonderful to steve. so… okay, maybe robin had a point.

steve tells her as much, then adds, “but he was always nice to me.”

robin snorts. “are you kidding? he’s stood you up so many times i can’t even remember all of them. remember that time he said his first impression of you was that you weren’t as hot as your pictures? who says that to the person they’re dating?”

steve groans and lays his head back down in her lap.

“okay, so maybe you have a point about that too. but i was gonna marry him, rob. what do i do now?” he knows he’s whining, but he feels just a little bit entitled to it right now.

“i don’t know, babe. get over it, i guess. welcome to the world of us singles. it sucks out here.” steve can hear the fondness in robin’s voice as she says it, but still. it does sting just a little.

they sit there in silence for a while, with robin running her hands through his hair again. it’s so soothing that he almost jumps out of his skin when she speaks again.

“hey, you know what would be super funny?” she’s laughing a little as she says it.

“what?” steve had been dozing just a little and his voice sounds muffled by fatigue.

“if you got into harvard and just showed up on the first day. imagine the look on his face.”

steve laughs at how ridiculous that sounds. like he could get into harvard. plus, he’s got teaching to think about. he doesn’t have a place yet, but he knows he’ll get one soon.

but as he sits there with robin’s hands stroking through his hair, he begins to daydream about how shocked tommy would be. about how he’d have no choice but to eat his words when steve proves himself by getting into one of the most competitive programs in the country. about how good it would feel to prove the bastard wrong.

“robin?” she hums in response. “you’re a goddamn genius.”

~*~

“dingus, are you sure you want to do this?”

the spring semester starts in three days. it’s their last semester at northwestern and there’s nothing but great big darkness on the horizon of steve’s future. he hasn’t slept in two days, busy studying, thick workbooks piled around around him at the kitchen table. he knows what he must look like, over-caffeinated with bruises under his eyes.

“i’m sure.” steve has his lsat exam in one week. “i have to take the exam this week. apps are due by march first.”

“no, steve, i don’t mean taking the test. i mean applying at all. it’s clearly more stress than it’s worth. do you even want to go to law school?” robin sounds concerned and normally steve would think it’s very sweet, but currently it does nothing but irritate him.

“i could,” he responds grumpily.

robin sighs. “i just mean… is this worth it?”

steve looks up then and sees her biting her lip, clearly worried about him. he puts his pencil down and stops the timer on his phone, giving her his full attention.

“this isn’t just about tommy.” robin gives him a skeptical look and it’s his turn to sigh. “it’s really not. maybe it started out that way, maybe it was just a stupid joke to get revenge on the asshole, but now it’s more than that. it’s proving that i can do something unexpected of me.” he swallows. “no one even believed i would get into college. i was just some stupid jock in high school who’d never amount to anything. and then i got in to northwestern and i was so shocked and happy. but i found out that my dad had actually pulled a bunch of strings. so i hadn’t gotten in on my own merits. he didn’t think i could. but now…” he runs a hand through his hair nervously. he’s never said any of this out loud before. “he’s not around now. there’s no one to help me. no safety net. if i can do this, it’ll prove something to me. something that maybe i don’t really believe yet.”

he expects robin to say something about external validation being a corrupting force and identity built on academic achievement being solely a losing game, but she doesn’t. instead, she sits down across the table from him and picks up a workbook.

“okay,” she says. “what do we have to do?”

~*~

“mail here?” steve calls out when he hears the front door close behind robin.

there’s a moment that feels like a pause. “yeah, it’s here.”

steve practically sprints from his bedroom to his living room. robin holds a single white envelope in her hand. steve all but snatches it from her.

his fingers move to rip it open, but then he hesitates. he thrusts it back towards robin. “i can’t,” he tells her. “you do it.”

her eyebrows shoot up. “you’re sure?” steve nods. he watches her rip the envelope open, bouncing on his feet. she scans the page and then she’s smiling.

steve grabs the paper from her. “oh my god?!” he yells. “oh my god!”

robin practically jumps into his arms. “179, baby! harvard law here we come.”

~*~

even after such a successful run at the lsats, there’s still the little matter of actually getting in to the school. steve’s only experience with the academic application process was with undergrad and it appears that applying for anything beyond a bachelors degree is an entirely different ball game. he’s so out of his depth that he’s forced to turn to grad school message boards for advice and tips of how to get in. it seems like everyone else is applying to a hundred different schools while steve’s only applying to one. he learns this is a terrible strategy for planning one’s future, but that doesn’t really matter to steve. for him, it’s harvard or nothing.

there are so many different parts of the application that it makes steve’s head spin. there’s the statement of purpose and the personal statement—the difference between those two requires robin’s careful and slow explanation about three separate times. then there’s the writing sample and the application and the recommendations and the transcripts and and and

but with robin’s help, steve completes each component and successfully sends his materials by the day of the deadline.

steve’s never been a patient person. no one on earth would accuse him of that, so even he can tell that he’s getting on robin’s nerves every day as he practically pounces on her when she returns from collecting the mail.

and then one day, finally, at the end of april, she comes through the front door and clutched in her hand is a big, thick white envelope emblazoned with the words ‘harvard law’ in bold, beautiful crimson red.

~*~

“last chance to back out,” robin says smiling as she swings herself up into the passengers seat of their rented u-haul.

“nah.” steve returns her smile as he slides his sunglasses from his hair onto his face. “let’s get out of this dump.”

and with that, they leave their first apartment behind, headed to the coast.

[wanted to finish this completely before posting but my benadryls kicking in and i have no self control. eventual steddie, promise! no tag list for this one, sorry!! it’s giving me anxiety on the other one lol absolutely not edited, if u see a typo no u don’t. i wrote this on my phone in a feverish frenzy. also, i originally invented someone for the role of warner but then i was like ‘IDIOT!!!!! why would u not choose tommy?????’ so if there’s a name in here that shouldn’t be, no there isn’t.]

[oldiesstationlover11607]

perhaps peter has an important interview for something like a college interview or something and perhaps reader had something to do before it so couldn’t go with him (for moral support) but then she rushes through her thing to get to him and surprises him like 5 min prior, gives him a good luck kiss when his name gets called and tells him to call her after. they celebrate that night (since it went well) with pizza, a movie and cuddles.

Interview - Tom!Peter Parker x Fem!Stark!Reader

Pairing: Tom!Peter Parker x Fem!Stark!Reader

Warnings: None! Super fluffy <3

Word Count: 1,001

Note: Reader isn't Stark's daughter she's Stark's niece

A/N: I hope you like this @urmykindofwoman !!

Peter and I were in our senior year, which came with all the busy days and rough nights of writing college application essays, getting final assessments to the teachers, and booking interviews. While Peter and I were dating, we definitely weren’t going down the same career path. I had my own after-school radio show, wanting to go into something arts and humanities-based, and Peter clearly wanted to do biology and biochemistry. He wanted to go to MIT; science and technology were his whole life—especially with his ‘internship’ with Tony, who had helped him get an interview.

“Y/N? Where’s my suit?” Peter asked, running around his bedroom frantically.

“It’s over there, Pete. Relax, and you’ll do fine. I’m sure Tony put in a good word for you anyway,” I smiled.

“And you’re sure you can’t come with me? I just—this interview is a big deal for me, and if I don’t get in, then I have no idea what I’m going to do,” he said as he folded the suit and put it into his backpack.

“You know I can’t. I’ve got the radio show in an hour, and I can’t miss that,” I sighed, getting up and grabbing my bag. Peter nodded, reluctantly accepting the situation. “But make sure to call me once it’s over and let me know how it goes, okay?” I pulled him in for a quick kiss.

“I love you,” he grinned.

“Ditto, spider boy.”

I walked to the radio station to meet Ned, who had been co-hosting with me for the last few years. We didn’t have any guests for this episode, and instead, we were talking about the latest Star Wars movie that had come out. The episode lasted for an hour and a half, and I sat there staring at the clock to see if I could leave and make it to support Peter before his interview.

“And that’s our show!” Ned smiled and played the last piece of music, finally turning off our mics. “Okay, you better hurry if you’re going to be on time to surprise Peter.” I nodded, grabbing my bag and rushing out of the studio. I ran down the street towards Peter’s house, where he was doing the interview online. Knocking on the door, I noticed it was only 10 minutes before the interview started.

“Y/N?! Oh my god, what are you doing here? What about the show and Ned and—”

“I ran here when we finished. You said you wanted me for support, so I’m here, Spidey,” I grinned. Peter returned the smile, picked me up, and spun us around.

“Okay, Pete, you need to get yourself ready. They’re going to call you any second now, and you’re gonna ace it!” I pressed my lips to his in a lighthearted kiss, my hand coming up to curl his hair in my fingers. He pulled away once his computer started ringing and closed the door to his bedroom.

I sat there scrolling through my phone, hearing the hum of Peter’s voice through the door when he responded to the questions. MJ had sent me a few text messages about our English report, so I took the time to respond. About an hour later, Peter finally opened the door and walked out. I stood up excitedly, walking over to him.

“How’d it go?” His face showed no emotion, and my mind raced through all the possibilities. I’d put him off his game by surprising him, hadn’t I? Peter was going to hate me, and Tony was going to be so disappointed in Peter. It was all my fault.

“They said it was a pleasure to meet me,” a small smile grew on his face, and he looked shell-shocked, completely unsure of how to act.

“Oh my god, Peter, yes!” I screamed, running into his arms. “We need to celebrate! I’ll call Tony and organize something. We are 100% having a pizza party with the others.”

“You’re too good for me, Y/N.” Peter pressed a kiss to my cheek as I pulled out my phone to call my uncle.

“Hi, Tony. Yes, Peter did well in his interview. I’m wondering if we can order pizza and invite the others for a movie to celebrate?” Peter placed kisses across my jaw and down my neck, smiling with each press of his lips.

“Okay, I’ll call them and make sure they’ll be there,” Tony responded.

“Tell him I say hi,” Peter mumbled.

“Peter says—”

“I can hear him, Y/N. Tell him to watch where he puts those hands. Be here by 6, okay?” Tony laughed before hanging up. Peter pulled away and looked up at me with a questioning expression.

“Stark Tower at 6.”

“God, I love you,” he grinned.

“I know you do,” I said, getting everything I needed for dinner.

“That was 100% a Star Wars reference, wasn’t it?” Peter pointed to his Empire Strikes Back poster, and I nodded, trying to suppress my laughter. Peter shot out a web to pull me close to him again.

“You’re a nerd, you know that, Parker?”

“As if you’re any worse; you’ve got that Stark blood in you. I can smell it with my spider-sense—”

“Your Peter tingle,” I interrupted. He let out a loud and annoyed sigh.

“And you’ve ruined the moment.”

“You ruined it yourself, spider boy.”

//

Please submit any requests y'all have! I love to write so let me know if you've got any!

[hannahssimblr]

It’s a dreary, drizzly evening that calls for streetlights earlier than usual, their light straining weakly through the thick mist off the bay, and as I glance down at Ivy with droplets of rain beading on the halo of frizz around her plaits I consider the fact that she was right, a jacket wouldn’t have been the worst idea. 

The lights are on early at Michelle’s house too, the voile netting over the netting in the living room window not giving anything away inside, just the vague shapes of whatever is on the television.

As always, the door is off the latch, and inside Jen is leaning against the counter by the toaster spinning a butter knife in her fingers. She gives me a wary look when we see each other. “She’s in the living room,” and holds her hand out to Ivy, “Hey Ives, do you wanna hang out with me for a little while? C’mere, oh, who did your hair today? Was it your brother? Yikes, okay let me have a look at this…”

I gingerly push through to the living room, where Michelle is engaged in an intense discussion with both of her parents. She’s slumped on the couch with puffy eyes while they stand with their backs to the fire, glancing at me with alarm as I enter the room wielding a bar of chocolate, which, in hindsight is a bit of a pathetic celebratory or consolation prize. 

“Hi.”

“Oh good, Jude,” Rahim beckons me over to the couch to sit with Michelle, and I take her hand, “can you tell her that this is not the end of the world?” He’s saying, voice tinged with impatience, “There are plenty of other opportunities.”

“Zero, huh?” I say gently, and she shakes her head, arm trembling as she passes the letters to me. One, two, three rejections. I read one of them briefly, from Paris. 

“‘...unimaginative and containing cliches…’ wow, that feels a bit harsh, doesn’t it? I don’t think they needed to be all like that about it.”

She breaks down in tears, “I’m a terrible artist.”

“No, you aren’t,” I skim through the one from Berlin, “Look, they’ve said here that this year’s application was their strongest in history. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“I just feel so stupid.”

“What? No, you’re the furthest thing from stupid.”

“Michelle, there are other options,” Rahim practically pleads, “Why don’t you go back to the application portal before it is too late and put down something more reasonable?”

Debra agrees, “This is what we’ve been saying, Michelle, maybe art is wrong for you. See? You shouldn’t have changed your mind in the first place. There’s a good reason you decided against it-”

“Yeah well I want to do it now, don’t I?” Michelle snarls, swatting tears away from her cheeks, “Jude and I are doing this together, it’s already decided.”

Her mother eyes me warily before deciding that I should probably hear this too, “Love, you know it’s not always a good idea to make big life decisions based on your boyfriend. Nothing lasts forever.”

“How could you say that?”

“What happened to veterinary science, hm? Wouldn’t that be a good career?”

“I wanted to be a vet when I was like, seven, what are you on about?” 

“Or she could be a doctor, like me!” Rahim attempts, but this is only met with a fresh barrage of sobs. I rub my girlfriend’s back uselessly while the chocolate softens inside its wrapper against the heat of my leg. 

Debra is looking at me empathetically as I comfort her daughter, as though she and I have some connection now, like a baton has passed through some small exclusive club for people who have held Michelle while she cries. “How did you get on with your applications?” 

“Oh, um, yeah, I got in,” I feel guilty even saying it but Michelle doesn’t really react to the news, as though she already made an assumption, but I jump in to finish quickly before she can make another. “I won’t be accepting any of them, though, I mean, obviously. I was only ever going to move away if Michelle was coming too, and, you know, unless London works out then that won’t happen.”

Michelle kneads her eye with the heel of her hand, “Did you not get the email?”

“What email?”

“From the London school.”

“Uh, no, I just saw the letters.”

Her eyes widen, “So you didn’t see the NCAD email either?”

“Since when were there emails?” 

“Oh my God,” she’s on her feet then, all of her misery forgotten in favour of urgency. “Go and look right now, what the hell?”

“Love,” Debra attempts soothingly, “it’s probably better if Jude checks his emails on his own, isn’t it? The last thing we want is for this to set you off-”

We’re already running for the stairs, her behind me prodding my back the whole way up in a way that feels like she’s forcing me to walk the plank to my untimely death in a tank of piranhas. We burst into her room and she runs to navigate to gmail while I sweat despite the temperature of her room, which is always kind of cold. 

I log in and the page loads up to two new emails sitting brazenly in my inbox.  

“There they are, click them!”

“Michelle I just want to say that-”

“Oh, come on,” she seizes the mouse and clicks for me, first the one from London, and her voice is flat, “They accepted you. No surprises.”

“It doesn’t matter though, does it? If they didn’t accept you too then I’m not going.”

“Mm.” She immediately clicks the next one, from NCAD, “It’s just points,” she mutters in explanation, “So it all depends on our leaving cert,” scrolling, she reaches the bottom of the email where my points sit, undeniable in a bold black font against stark white. 

I feel her stiffen. “One thousand?” 

“Uh, wow, is that good?”

There is a long pause. “Jude, that’s literally maximum points.”

I can’t bring myself to look at her right away, but I feel her eyes on the side of my face, searing holes through my skin. 

“I thought your interview went badly.”

“Yeah me too!”

“Well then-” she breaks off to make some noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a sob, “then how did you get such ludicrously high points?”

“Like what I said, I suppose. They were arseholes to everyone on purpose,” I spin around to her, “What did you get?”

“Four fifty.”

So I grab hold of her hands and hold her very tightly and very still, I want to seem sure, “No matter what happens, we’ll be okay,” I promise, “Even if none of this works out for you, I’ll still be right here, do you hear me?”

She nods. 

“I’m not going anywhere without you. God, I mean, why would I even do that? You’ll get NCAD off the back of your leaving cert points, I’m one hundred percent sure. And... even if you don't, I'll stay in Dublin.” As soon as I say it I start feeling nauseated, and dizzy, a bit heady like I’ve inhaled some miscellaneous gas from the science lab, but I fight through it, “fuck all of those stupid plans for going abroad, right? I’m here.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m serious.”

“I know.”

“Okay, c’mere,” I pull her into me and hold her tightly, taking in the smell of her hair, the way her narrow shoulders, her birdlike frame softens in my arms and accept that this is the comfort I will rely on from now on. True, it’s not always easy with Michelle, but we really do love each other. Sometimes love is work, but love is rare and worth holding onto with both hands and your whole heart. All those plans I had, I think, they were misguided, a youthful mistake. Perhaps at some point in the future I can move to Amsterdam, or Paris, or Berlin, or London, and do something creative and exciting, but not now. That’s what I’ll do in ten years, when everything is different. I’ll make sure to tell Sam. 

Who did I think I was, really, trying to do all of that at eighteen? Now is for this, for Michelle. For doing something right.

“I love you,” she says, and I wonder, with her cheek resting against my chest, if she can somehow hear the way my heart tightens as though grasped by a fist, or how my breath catches in my throat when she says it. I’m surprised by the rising feeling that I might start crying, but I force it down.  

Crying over what, Jude? I sneer at myself. 

Yeah, that’s what I thought. Something stupid, as usual.

Beginning // Prev // Next

[wineauntharry]

best friends to enemies to lovers with Joe burrow plsss!! like when he got on the football team he became a douche and stopped being nice and that's why they r enemies

sorry it took so long to get to this hehe ily guys, i’ve gotten a lot of requests for a friends to enemies to lovers trope type thing so i combined them here! hope ya like it!

—-----

as it was// j.b.

Joe was no stranger to me. We had grown up in the same neighborhood. I remember swimming in eachother’s pools, having snowball fights, and our little movie night’s as kids. We were always interested in the same things, science, space, and animals. I would come over and play with his lizard every day after school.

We began to grow apart during high school. It was the beginning of his future and though I was as supportive as a childhood friend could be, things began to come between us. I was focused solely on my grades and Joe’s priority was getting into a D1 university to keep his career progressing. So when I found out he had gotten into Ohio State I was incredibly happy for him. I had gotten into Baylor and he knew it was my dream school. We were both so excited for eachother and what the future held.

Everyone always believed there was something between Joe and I, but we always kept it friendly. He was my prom date, first kiss, and best friend. I never knew what Joe was feeling, but then again was it even my business? All I needed to know is that we were friends still.

Before we both left for school we promised to stay in touch and never lose the friendship we had. We had only ever been comfortable with eachother, so we decided it would be best to be eachothers first…..and second, and third. But that doesn’t matter. This wasn’t some movie where the main characters went from friends to lovers or some shit like that.

The last time we saw eachother was winter break of our freshman year. We had been hanging out in his basement watching movies and scrolling on our phones when he spoke up out of nowhere.

“Y/N I’m so lucky to have a friend like you. Straight up no one has stuck by me like you have, and I hope you know I’m grateful.” He said

“I promise I believe you Joey, don’t worry.” I responded with a small giggle.

“I met somebody.” He blurted out. It almost sounded like he was saying something just to say something.

I didn’t respond right away partly because I didn’t know what to say and partly because I didn’t want to say anything.

“That’s good J, is she good to you?” I responded, we were just friends. I shouldn’t have to remind myself of that, but I do.

“Yeah, I just don’t want you to trip when I post her or some shit.” He said, by this time I could tell he was lying.

“Why would I?” I asked.

He started to respond. “Because you know-”

I had to cut him off before it got any deeper.

“Joe, we’re best friends, that's it. Plus, I want you to be happy. Yeah we messed around for a little but that doesn’t mean much. Our friendship comes before anything else.” I responded.

I could see disappointment take over his face. But what he said next was something I never expected to hear.

“You were just a good fuck if that’s the case. Friends or not, I thought you would at least care a little more.” He yelled.

“Joe what the fuck are you even saying right now, like actually. Do you want me to be jealous or something? You are the one who just brought up meeting a different girl.” I was shocked.

“I don’t know how I feel about you Y/N, I mean, our friendship or whatever you want to call it, has always been a little messy. I’ve loved you since we were kids.” He said

“Joe, if that was the case you would’ve at least made some room for me in your life when your football career took off. Nobody was there for you like I was and you know that.” I spat.

I could see his ears turn pink and bright flush starting to come over his cheeks, a tell-tale sign that he was about to cry.

“Look, I don’t know how we got here whether its this point of the conversation or our lives, but fuck Joe, why did you have to do this. Why did we have to do this? I just wanted to catch up and have a good night.” I said

“But since we’re bringing shit up, you have been a terrible fucking friend. You don’t answer texts let alone answer calls. We barely talk. Did the night before you left mean nothing?” I yelled.

We had both promised to never bring that night up. We had slept together, but that night was different. He told me he loved me and I said it back. Sure, we had said it before, but it was always platonically. I knew that night he had made love to me. There was no one else for me but J. But I refuse to even pursue it. He’s my childhood best friend, not my soulmate.

“Fuck you Joey, seriously.”

I rushed up the stairs and out the door to my car with tears streaming down my face. I really can’t believe what just happened. That’s so not like him. Not like us. All of this came from left field. We were bestfriends, then best friends who fucked, and now we’re nothing.

What the fuck happened?

—---

I haven’t seen Joe since last winter break. Everyone would ask what happened between us, but I refused to talk about it.

I was laying in my room since I was back for spring break when there was a light knock at my door.

“Come in.” I yelled.

“Y/N, someone is here to see you love.” She whispered.

Before I could respond she stepped to the side and I saw that last person in the world I wanted to. It was fucking Joe.

“I’m not doing this.” I said as I got up to go close my door before he could walk in.

“Y/N don’t be like this.” He said. I could tell it took a lot for him to do this. He sounded defeated before he even started.

I just stood there and stared at him, giving him a hurry up before I change my mind glare.

“I want to say sorry. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I miss you so much dude.” He whispered.

I didn’t have much to say so I just pulled him into a hug. His touch and scent were so familiar, I didn’t realize I missed him so much.

God, I had missed him so much.

We were still holding onto eachother when he began pressing kisses onto the top of my head. We coudn’t let go of eachother. We both had salty tears running down our faces.

“Joe, I’ve missed you too. Watching you all over instagram twitter has sucked but I’ve been so proud of you.” I said.

“I can’t explain how sorry I am for that night. I don’t mean any of the shit I said. You mean more to me than just sex. I’m in love with you Y/N and I can’t keep it from you anymore.” He whimpered.

I finally pulled away from him and just stared into those comforting eyes I had missed so much. We both layed down onto my bed, tangled in each other's arms.

We caught up on everything we had missed in eachothers lives. We shared spaced out kisses the entire night, falling asleep cuddling with the other.

After we were completely caught up I felt Joe’s energy shift. He pushed himself closer to me and tightened his grip on one of my hips.

“Y/N, let me show you how much I missed you. Please, I’m begging.” He whispered as he began to place soft wet kisses onto my neck and shoulder.

“Show me J.” I responded quickly.

He swiftly flipped me onto my back and put his body on top of mine all while connecting his lips to mine, refusing to let any space come between our bodies.

“I love you Y/N, I always have.” He whispered.

“I know you have Joey, I promise I love you just the same.” I responded.

—---------------

wait i cant tell if i like this or not so please send positive reinforcements in my inbox before i cry. i have been feeling very discouraged, which makes no sense because you guys support me so much.

i will continue to work on requests this week bc there are so many sorryyyyyy

i love all of you SOOOOOO much

be blessed and blessed be

send requests here!

masterlist!

all the love, kitt

[thetomorrowshow]

pulled over

empires superpowers au masterlist (not up to date)

takes place about a year after the end of ‘poisoned rats’.

cw: mentions of police, past abuse

~

He’s thinking about going back to school, honestly. He’s not sure what sort of career he’d expected to get with a degree in architecture—hopefully one where he got to plan cool buildings, but that clearly hadn’t worked out too well in his favor. And while he’d still like to do that—his sketchbooks are filled with designs of gothic-inspired houses and improbable city buildings—it’s an unpredictable enough job that he’s not sure what sort of hours it would be or if someone is even hiring.

Not to mention, he has money. He gets a pension from the city (an excessive amount, in his opinion), so he doesn’t really need a second job. Which is why he’s been thinking more about going back to school. More of something to fill his free time, really.

He’s not sure what degree he’d be looking for—computer science? Theatre?—and he’s just scrolling through the course options at ECU when he hears the jingling of keys in the door.

Usually when Jimmy enters the house, he calls for the cats and coos at them both, before planting a kiss on Scott’s cheek on his way to get down the box of Dreamies.

Today, the door shuts without any fanfare. The cats come running anyway, of course, and Scott opens up the tab for the glassblowing major before he registers that Jimmy hasn’t said anything yet.

He looks up. Jimmy is sitting on the floor, holding Norman close to his chest. His shoulders are shaking.

Scott’s up and headed over before he can even think about it. Once he does think, though, he realizes that Jimmy is on the floor and he is standing and with what seems to be a poor emotional state, that could trigger a flashback very easily.

He drops to the floor six or eight feet away from Jimmy, scoots along until he’s close enough to touch. Jimmy doesn’t react except to bury his face into Norman’s side, the cat letting out a quiet mrow? at the action.

“Jimmy? What’s going on?”

Jimmy sighs, and when he pulls away from Norman, his eyes are red. “I—I got pulled over,” he says, his voice cracking. “The left taillight is out, by the way.”

“Oh, baby. . . .” Scott wrings his hands, holds one out. “Good for me to hug you?”

Surprisingly, Jimmy nods, then places Norman down on the floor and lunges into Scott’s arms. Scott rocks back onto his heels, unsteady for a moment, before finding his balance and wrapping his arms around Jimmy.

“Did he ticket you?” Scott asks after a moment. Jimmy shakes his head.

“It was just—it was scary. I—I almost had to pull over again, m-my hands were shaking so bad after.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay to be scared.”

“I’m a grown man, Scott.” An angry tear slips from the corner of Jimmy’s eye, his eyebrows drawn in shame. “I shouldn’t be—I can’t be scared of the police. I just saw the—the stupid stick thing on his belt and—and the way he talked—”

“Most people are afraid of cops, dear,” Scott tells him, kissing him lightly on the forehead. “It sucks. Cops suck. I need to give Shelby a call, get her to really push for that reform. . . .”

Jimmy snuggles closer into Scott, awkwardly kicks off his shoes. Norman wraps around Scott’s legs, tilts his head up at the two of them.

“Wanna move to the couch? Your cat’s confused and I bet your knees hurt,” Scott suggests. Jimmy gasps and coos at Norman.

“Aw, hey, pet! I haven’t given you your treat yet, huh?”

Then he blinks. The smile on his face falters for just a moment. It’s quickly pasted back on, and when Scott tries to ask what’s up, he waves him off.

Jimmy stands shakily and slowly, tests his balance before following Norman and Elle to the kitchen. Scott waits until he returns, guides him to the sofa.

“How was work otherwise?” Scott asks.

Jimmy shakes himself. “Um, fine,” he says, leaning his head on Scott’s shoulder. “It’s—I don’t know how to describe it, Scott. It’s still a miracle every day.”

“Just working?”

Jimmy lets out a shaky sigh-laugh. “Yeah. Getting to put my hands in an engine and not have it burst into flame. It’s just . . . I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it.”

The conversation falls into silence then, and Jimmy starts trembling again, so Scott searches for something, anything to say.

“Um, Joel said that you and a couple of friends are hanging out this weekend?”

“Right!” Jimmy brightens. “We’re heading out to that soccer field across from the middle school on the east side? Four or five of us are gonna kick a ball around for a while.”

“Anyone I know?”

Jimmy shrugs. “One of the guys from work, probably. I think fWhip said something about wanting to come? And one of Joel’s friends. Just a group who likes soccer.”

Scott frowns. “I thought Joel and fWhip hated each other.”

“They’re making up so they can team up against you,” Jimmy admits. “With their powers combined and all that.”

“I—what?” Scott sputters. “Is that why Joel was so obnoxious yesterday? He’s actively working with the enemy?”

Jimmy laughs. “fWhip’s not the enemy, he’s a vigilante. And yeah, they want to have a bit of a rivalry with you.”

Well, if anything it’ll be a fun bit of publicity. But Scott won’t take this lying down.

For the rest of the evening, they turn on whatever sitcom is airing and devise ways for Scott to strike back and not be made a fool of.

And when they go to bed, Jimmy’s shoulders have relaxed a bit, and Scott can breathe easier knowing that his boyfriend feels safe.

[likeysoob]

I’m so blind by likeysoob

Episode 3

This episode is that the first term ended so now it November so y/n talks about her grades and how easy it was. Y/n has gym now where she meets ningning again so she brings y/n to her lunch table and that’s how she meets Karina and winter. The try outs for ive happen, wonyoung and y/n instantly recognizes each other “oh its…you” and have beef which leave rei sad because she actually likes y/n, so shes not accepted into the group. Y/n tells the girls and they’re like “music competition? Hmmmmm let’s do something about it! We got you girl!” and they plan things from there

“Let me see what you got for your first report card!” I roll my eyes, what’s even the big deal about these report cards anyways? Just because i want to be an artist, doesn’t mean i need to do science or math like the fuck? I grab my backpack to open it and give her the report card. She takes it from me and opens it, “A in choir, A in math, A in art, and C- in science?! Y/n! What is this?!” Good lord. “Mom that class is just stupid and hard, like none of it even makes any sense, i still pass though since its not an F.” My mom just starts yelling at me, I couldn’t care cause im passing anyways. Science is not even the career i plan to do anyways. Tomorrow is a new term, new classes, and hopefully new people. I need something exciting in my life, maybe a girlfriend? Whatever, i just need to get rest….shit. What even are my classes?

“I mean she didn’t even deny she was a flop, just asked who wrote it on the board.” Ning says. I just look at her, “i mean if she wasn’t such a bitch with a big ego just because she won multiple awards and events last year, then I wouldn’t be a bitch too. She’s just a person that makes the alpha come out of me to protect my omegas.” My face scrunches up, “What the fuck are you even talking about?” She gives me a look, like girl I’m not listening to all that yap… “Wonyoung! Duh…” Ning replies. “She’s won multiple awards?” I asked and Ning nods and rolls her eyes. “You know, i don’t even know who she is but she sounds like a massive bitch.”

If you’re wondering what class i and Ning is in, then it’s gym. This class is filled with so many boys and barely any girls, the worst part is that the gym teacher is a massive dick. If you miss one day of gym, you need to make it up by running 3 miles like what the fuck? So thank god Ning is in this class or else I wouldn’t have survived. “Girls! Start playing the game!” The teacher yells at us then turns to one girl, “You! Get some speed in you and run to the ball!” The girl responds back, “How about you run since you’re such a fatass!” Oh shit..

Well, it’s the end of class now. That girl ended up saying so much shit to the gym teacher in which the principal came in, it was pretty funny. Now we’re in the locker room, I’m pretty sure i have lunch right now when the bell rings. “Hey Ning, do you have lunch right now?” Her face glows up, “omg! Yes i do! Same as you?” I nod. “Great! I should introduce you to my friends! I’m pretty sure you guys will get along.” The bell rings as i just finished putting the lock on my gym locker. I follow Ning to the lunch room in which we were the first few people in there since the gym is close to the cafeteria. “This food is so shit…” i say out loud and Ning agrees. My head turns to the right of me and i see a staff just looking at me like they heard what i said, they probably did though.

Ning goes over to one of the lines and i follow. I’m just hungry, i don’t care what it is. When we get at the table, Ning looks around. “Ning!” We turn in the direction where the voice came from and i see a girl with short black hair waving at Ning. “Why is she over there? This is our spot!” Ning takes her tray and starts walking over there with me following behind.

Hey guys so i decided to discontinue this since i wasn’t feeling very satisfied with what i had and i wanted to focus more on other stories so i apologize :(

<- last episode | see all episodes

[saintsenara]

How has being a doctor influenced your writing or ig your viewpoints/person? Currently I’m a med student - haven’t really come across many doctors who also write ff (perhaps I’m not talking to the right people haha). Can you tell me a little more about what meds like for you?

thank you for the ask, anon - and i hope your training is going well.

i'm not going to talk about my speciality etc., for internet safety reasons, and i've received another ask which i will one day get around to answering on wizarding medicine as a science. but i will talk about how medicine has affected my experience in fandom and influenced my writing.

my writing process looks, i think, fairly ruthless from the outside. i’m not somebody who tends to agonise over things like word choice, i never have anything beta-read or seek advice on plot lines as i’m writing, i don’t need little routines or dedicated time to write [i’m a whenever and wherever girly], i hit publish and move on, and i’m generally good at not getting upset by criticism. and that decisiveness is undoubtedly a skill which has been honed by working in medicine, but, like other aspects of my personality which affect both my writing and my career - e.g. that i’m extremely good under pressure, someone with good intuition, able to hyperfocus, a lateral thinker, possessed of a very strong stomach, someone who doesn’t need to stick rigidly to a routine, and emotionally resilient - i’ve always been like this.

and i’ve also always been someone who has a preference for characters who aren’t the good guys.

my writing tends to favour the flawed, the lonely, the grieving, the furious, the self-destructive, and so on. i find the virtuous quite boring, and i really dislike the puritanical streak which a lot of fandom discourse [and, indeed, all media discourse] has developed in recent years. i think it’s incredibly dangerous that liking particular themes, tropes, or characters in fanfiction has come to be equated with the reader’s real-world views and morals, and i think it’s equally dangerous for us to have any assumption that moral purity is possible from either fictional or real people.

that i think this is partially because i’m not fourteen - i remember well the righteousness of youth, and i’m glad that social media wasn’t anywhere near as pervasive then - and i am sympathetic to the fact that a lot of this purity discourse is just teens trying to self-actualise.

but it’s also because it’s something that's completely impossible to do as a doctor if you’d like to be capable of doing your job properly. you will never have a perfect patient, you will never like a perfect character, you will treat them anyway.

when you’re training, i think it’s easy to end up with the assumption that your difficult patients will either have reasons for their difficulties which are so understandable that you can have compassion for them with ease [e.g. the nice young person being slowly locked-in by als who lashes out in grief and rage at how their life is being cut short] or so cartoonishly malicious that you will enter a state of clinical detachment and treat them with nothing more than cool professionalism [e.g. the elderly racist who refuses to be treated by a black doctor]. and you certainly will have lots of patients who fit these extremes of the spectrum.

but you will mostly have people who are very messy and complicated and human. who will be incredibly unpleasant and yet will also tug at your heartstrings. who will be in pain and will be afraid and will be funny and interesting and grieving and who will also have done things in their lives which are horrifying.

your patients will be cruel. they will be sleazy. they will treat the nurses with contempt [do not be the sort of doctor who does the same]. they will be bigoted. they will be rude. they will be annoying. they will be sly. they will lie to you. they will be malicious. the list is endless.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will make bad decisions again and again - the sixty-a-day smoker who needs oxygen to breathe is probably still going to light up the second they’re out of the building, the person who barely survived covid because they didn’t get the vaccine is going to continue to refuse to take precautions to protect themselves - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just not making that bad decision.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will choose to be and to remain ill-informed - they will tell you that vaccines can turn children trans, or that the pharmaceutical industry is suppressing the truth that homoeopathic remedies cure cancer - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as just changing your worldview overnight.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital for reasons which are directly and incontrovertibly their own fault - they will be the eighteen-year-old who thought they’d be fine to drive after a couple of drinks and has now killed their friend and given themselves irreversible brain damage, they will be the drug dealer who got stabbed by a rival in a robbery-gone-wrong - and you will be infuriated and you will understand how it’s never as simple as making a different choice when so much in life is a coin-toss.

you will treat them anyway.

your patients will end up in hospital and also be bad people - they will be the child molestor brought in from prison in cardiac arrest, they will be the parents who went to the bar rather than watch their child in the pool and are now having to be told that all resuscitation attempts have failed - and you will be infuriated and you will understand that even the very worst people in the world can be afraid and in pain.

you will treat them anyway.

you will also learn a very important lesson: it is tremendously easy to kill someone.

you will see one failure to check the mirrors while driving, one punch in a pub brawl, one bump of mdma offered to a friend on a night out, one instance of seeing red, one split-second decision which takes a life. and you will recognise that the killer probably thought of themselves as a good person, but that isn’t how this works.

because, of course, the cold, hard truth is that you probably think of yourself as a good person. but you’re going to kill someone too.

not intentionally - I hope. but you are going to act too slowly to begin treatment, or be convinced that someone’s pain can’t be as bad as they say and triage them wrongly, or assume that a patient with dozens of instances on their records of trying to score opiates by claiming to have abdominal pain is lying again, or think that you know better than the patient and their family, or be misled by the charming demeanour of people who are abusing their children. you are going to make a mistake in surgery, or because the lab was backed up, or because you’re tired, or because a&e is at breaking point. and somebody is going to die because of it.

the only thing you can do to stave off that inevitability for as long as possible is to never believe yourself infallible. don’t think of yourself as flawless, or righteous, or moral, or a brilliant genius who works alone. question your expectations; examine your biases; listen to patients properly; be aware of the realities of medical misogyny, racism, and ableism and never think yourself incapable of them; show your unpleasant patients as much compassion as your nice ones; be good to the nurses - they will save your bacon - and be just as good to the porters and the cleaners and the people who work in the morgue; stay educated; inform yourself about the actual experience of people who have, for example, been sectioned, or otherwise treated without respect by the medical system; leave your own problems at the door when you step onto the ward; don’t keep silent if you think one of your colleagues is dangerous; get a second opinion whenever you need to; accept that failure is inevitable; keep trying; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

treat them anyway.

so too in your life in fandom. never think that you alone have spotless interests, nor that your favourite characters are flawless. examine why tropes or interpretations of characters which allow them to be imperfect make you uncomfortable; examine your biases - is your slash heteronormative? is your portrayal of a non-white character stereotypical?; be nice to your commenters, and take as much as you can of what they say in good faith; remember that people writing fic are real and have complex motivations and experiences; regard it as your duty to confront portrayals of the violent and the cruel with as much compassion as you can; keep writing; recognise that nothing and nobody is ever simple.

write them anyway.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

WIP Wednesday

Thank you for the tags @thisbuildinghasfeelings @herefortarlos @lemonlyman-dotcom @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @carlos-in-glasses 🫶

Please enjoy some angst from my TK's growing up years fic -

2017 -

TK couldn’t help but fidget as he sat there. He was sitting on the couch in his dad’s office. He had no idea why. They’d returned from a call, and then there was his dad. He said, “Get your gear off and come up to my office, okay?” And TK nodded and did just that; then he barely had enough time to worry about what this was about. Then when he got to his dad’s office, the phone rang. It was the captain of the 269; Owen mouthed “sorry” as he motioned for TK to sit down and then he stepped out of his own office. And that left TK to sit and stew in his own anxieties.

Which, it hadn’t even been ten minutes yet. But TK was pretty sure that the other guys from the 252 knew that TK was up here. If they didn’t, they surely would the longer he sat and waited.

It had only been 42 days since TK had returned to work after rehab; and he had spent every day doing his best not to draw attention to himself and act like he hadn’t been gone for 30 days.

Of course, he thought bitterly to himself as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, it’s not like any of them would say anything to his face, anyway. They never did before; it didn’t stop TK from learning what they called him behind his back.

TK started to peel at the fingernail on his index finger. He had this down to a science; he knew the exact spot to stop where if he continued, he’d getting down to the quick, and it would start to bleed. His nail was diminishing; the point of no return was getting closer.

“I think you’re getting close to the bone there”. TK jumped at his dad’s voice. He sat up straighter as his dad re-entered the office and sat on the arm of the couch.

“I’m sorry about the wait,” his dad said, squeezing TK’s shoulder gently. “There’s been a problem at the 269. One of their guys might be joining us here”.

“Oh”. TK nodded. “Cool”. He watched as his dad got up and came to sit down next to him. “So,” TK said with a shrug, “what’s up?”

“I just wanted to check in with you,” Owen answered. “See how you were doing”.

“I’m fine”. TK shrugged. “Everything’s good”.

“Your mother said you might have found a place,” his dad prompted.

“Uh huh”. TK nodded. “But I can’t afford it without having her co-sign, so I’m still looking. Which, I told her this is why people have roommates; not like we don’t live in the most expensive city in the world, and—”

“And you haven’t had the best luck with roommates, son,” his dad chided him gently. “And you’re starting over, it’d be better for you not to have to worry what someone else is bringing home”.

TK groaned. “Dad, very little of what happened is Avery’s fault. And,” he stood up, “if there isn’t a reason for us to be doing this now, I’m on laundry today, and I really want to—”

“Well, there is a reason,” his dad rose to his feet as well. “And I’m afraid that it can’t wait. I need you to sit back down”. He put his hands firmly on his son’s shoulders. TK glared for a minute before he allowed his dad to gently push him back down towards the couch.

“Okay, what?” TK snapped. “What is so important?”

Owen exhaled slowly. “I just wanted to check in with you. See if there was anything you wanted to tell me… before I found out some other way?” TK racked his brain for anything, any amount of time unaccounted for that would have led to this line of questioning.

“No”. TK shook his head. “Dad, just ask me what you’re going to ask me. Get it over with”.

Owen exhaled slowly. “I’m not accusing you of anything,” he began. “But two weeks in a row you were gone at the same day for the same amount of time. Last Wednesday—”

“Oh my God,” TK buried his face in his hands. “You know, you really missed your calling as a private eye”.

“I was doing the assembly for the career fair,” his dad continued, undeterred, “which you had also originally signed up for. I was told you had taken your name off for an appointment. Then yesterday, same thing happened. After the call at the drycleaners, you mysteriously disappeared, and resurfaced around dinner. I’ve got a rational amount of concern for the situation”.

“Yeah, except you have no idea what the situation is,” TK grumbled. “And I did have an appointment. I didn’t lie about that”.

“I didn’t say you did,” his dad replied. “Who was the appointment with?” TK leaned his head back on the couch. “Why do you have to know?” TK asked.

“You know exactly why, kid,” his dad murmured. He reached over and ran a hand through his son’s hair amidst TK’s protests. “The door is closed, no one can see you”. He reminded his son. “Might I remind you, I believed you when you told me you were fine four months ago. I believed you when you said the group therapy was helping. I want more than anything to believe you… but I’m somewhat terrified of what will happen if I do”.

TK hated what his dad was saying; and hated even more that he couldn’t argue with any of it. So much for this being a good surprise. “Fine”. He sighed. “You win. It’s Hazel McLaughlin”.

“Oh”. Not the answer Owen was expecting. “She works out of the 243. How’d you meet her?”

“I got her name from Diana Pink”. TK hugged his arms to his chest. “Then I sent her a message on Facebook. With Lyle gone, she’s the only person I know who’s dual certified. She’s been helping me study to take the test. To be a dual certified firefighter and paramedic”.

No pressure tagging: I tag @dreamingofmickeywaffles @sznofthesticks @firstprince-history-huh @tailoredshirt @kiloskywalker @sugdenlovesdingle @ellena-asg @inkweedandlizards @kiankiwi @paperstorm @heartstringsduet @reyestrandd and anyone else who wants to do it - open tag 💝🥰

[simmerdowndee]

uni_dayz episode five part two

Today is the campus career fair. I took Theo because he could also find some intern opportunities there. He wasn’t sure why we needed to go this early in our schooling, but I told him it’s the perfect time. You don’t wait until your senior year sir. I also made him dress nice because he attempted to come here in an adidas tracksuit. You will not get a job like that babe.

Theo: I’m going to go look at these tables.

Dakota: Okay! I’m going over here.

I noticed a table that has the logo of one of the best law firms in the country. I immediately walk over to talk.

Dakota: Hi, my name is Dakota. I’m a sophomore at UBrite.

Mrs. Greer: Well, you’re already doing well so far. UBrite is my alma mater. My name is Jasmine Greer. I am the general counsel for Steele and Hart.

STEELE AND HART??? So, this is for one of the best law firms in the country.

Dakota: Your firm was number one on my list to work for. You guys do such great work.

Mrs. Greer: Well, thank you, Dakota. You seem very well put together. What made you interested in law?

Dakota: To be honest, my personal upbringing.

Mrs. Greer: Ah, no need to elaborate further. I understand.

Mrs. Greer: We have a few clerkships available for enthusiastic students like yourself. If you are interested, I can get you a packet and some contact information.

Dakota: When do these clerkships begin?

Mrs. Greer: I have one available for the fall, two for the spring, and three for the summer.

Dakota: I would be interested in the summer one. That way I can focus on that without worrying about my studies.

Mrs. Greer: Good thinking Dakota. Always make sure your studies come first.

Mrs. Greer: Here is the summer information and my contact info. I look forward to seeing you this summer, Dakota.

Dakota: Thank you so much Mrs. Greer. You won’t be disappointed.

Meanwhile….

(Theo’s POV)

I wasn’t really looking for an internship just yet, but Dakota thinks it’s a good idea to get a head start. There is a table I noticed that has a software engineering program. I think I’ll go check it out….

Mr. Wayne: Hello there son. You look data efficient.

Theo: Haha, yes. I am a computer science major.

Mr. Wayne: Excellent, then you’d probably love the software engineering program we are offering to students who are sophomores or higher.

Theo: Can you tell me a bit more?

Mr. Wayne: Of course. We offer a software engineering program with limited spots to students wanting to get experience within the tech world. The program offers room and board, with a weekly stipend for your work.

Theo: Room and board? As in you’ll pay for my dorm expenses.

Mr. Wayne: Oh, let me elaborate. The program offers students a chance to study abroad. You would be relocating for the year to Windenburg.

Theo: As in out of the country?

Mr. Wayne: Yes sir. It’s a great opportunity and you receive a very generous stipend while there.

Theo: It sounds amazing. I’m not sure though…

Mr. Wayne: What’s stopping you son?

Theo: I’m not sure how my girlfriend would feel about me being gone for a year in another country…...

Mr. Wayne: I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to miss out on an opportunity like this.

Mr. Wayne: How about this, I’ll give you my contact number and the program info packet. Since you are a sophomore, you can’t start in the middle of your year. You’d be the perfect candidate during your junior year.

Theo: Thank you, Mr. Wayne. I’m seriously considering it.

Mr. Wayne: Remember, talk to your girlfriend.

Theo: Will do.

This program sounds so awesome. I don’t know how Dakota will take the news though. I think I’ll bring it up at dinner tonight. I’m sure she wouldn’t want me to miss out… right?

[turning-the-kaleidoscope]

For the hug drabbles, #8 with Mob and Ritsu.

thank you sm for the prompt!! <3 <3 I recently wrote a fic dealing with the Kageyama boys and nightmares (it's called "Won't Repeat" and can be read on AO3 here!) and since I didn't want to re-tread themes I decided to take the "nightmare" scenario in a different direction--less literal, but I do really like how this turned out and I hope you guys enjoy! i,, love the kageyama brothers so much.

warning for themes of bullying (nothing on-screen but heavily implied). post-series but no spoilers.

(It can be read on AO3 here!)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Ritsu transfers to a new high school just before the start of his second year. 

It’s not the high school Shigeo is going to, but it’s a better decision for Ritsu’s future overall. Cayenne Academy has vibrant opportunities for the field of chemical science and scholarships into a sister college under the same association. He’s going to miss his brother, but he can’t follow Shigeo everywhere. This decision makes the most sense. 

He starts at Cayenne as a second year and Shigeo enters his third. 

~*~*~*~*~

The hierarchy is tilted against him, but it’s nothing unexpected. He knew that it would be and was fine going through with his decision even so. He’s the only transferred second year in this period, he knew it would take time. He was accepted into the chemistry club and the rest of his peers generally leave him alone. Mutual respect isn’t a bad place to start.

“I’m glad it’s going well so far,” Shigeo says when Ritsu gives him the rundown. He’s washing dishes while Ritsu clears the table. “Have you made any friends?”

“Not really,” Ritsu answers, lowering a stack of dinner dishes into the sink. “I joined the chemistry club and everyone there seems chill. I have my first meeting tomorrow with them.”

Shigeo’s smile makes Ritsu feel like he can do anything. “You’ll have to tell me all about it.”

Ritsu rolls his eyes and leans into the counter. “How’s your first month as a third year?”

“Ah.” Shigeo scrubs a plate with excessive force. “The workload is… a lot. But it’s been good.”

“Are you still thinking about going into the medical field?”

Shigeo nods. “I’m meeting with the guidance counselor tomorrow to go over options, but I’d like to be an EMT.”

“I’ll tell you how my club meeting goes and you tell me how your meeting with the counselor goes?”

“I’ll bring Ramune if you supply the pocky.”

“Deal.”

~*~*~*~*~

Verdict: he likes his clubmates and his clubmates seem to like him. 

Shigeo is happy for him, says he’s relieved that Ritsu found a good club and a good high school with encouraging peers. Privately, Ritsu is relieved, too. His clubmates are dedicated but not pretentious and none of them seem to value their branch of interest over another’s. The group is well-balanced and Ritsu fits right in.

Ritsu is making connections with his teachers, too. A scouting college professor is visiting campus next Monday. Their family has never had a lot of money and Mom and Dad have assured him that they would make whatever career he wanted happen for him, but he can’t do that to them in good conscience. He needs this scholarship.

Shigeo announces over dinner that he has officially decided to pursue a career in the medical field as an EMT. Mom decides a celebration is in order and plans a hotpot dinner for the weekend.

~*~*~*~*~

A new student transfers into Ritsu’s class.

~*~*~*~*~

It isn’t a big deal.

“Ritsu?” Mom’s head pokes into his bedroom. “Dinner’s ready. Are you hungry?”

“Oh.” Ritsu rubs his face. He’s been staring at his homework for so long, the words have stopped looking like words. “Um. I was actually going to turn in early tonight, if that’s okay. I’m not super hungry.”

“Are you not feeling well?”

“A little. I have a headache.”

Mom steps over the threshold and meets him at his desk, her hand spread over his forehead. “You don’t have a fever,” she says, smoothing his hair out of his face. “Well, get some rest. Take a break from all this.” She tugs the textbook out from under his hands and flips it closed. “You work yourself too hard. We all think so.”

Ritsu forces a tired laugh, rubbing his face again. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll rest.”

“You’d better.” It’s playful, and he strains to keep his smile up and not worry her more.

He can handle this.

~*~*~*~*~

Shigeo has Teruki over for a study night. It’s been on the family calendar—everything goes on the family calendar these days, what with everyone’s schedules conflicting and Ritsu and Shigeo having so many places to be—but Ritsu forgot all about it until he ducks out of his room toward the kitchen for PopTarts and finds the two of them sprawled on the floor by the coffee table. 

“Oh, hey, lil bro!” Teruki vaults himself up with force that gives Ritsu sympathy whiplash. “Wow, your hair’s all over the place. How’s it going?”

“It.” Ritsu was not prepared to socialize. Shigeo looks concerned, though, so he’s gotta say something. “Sorry, Teruki, I completely forgot you were coming over.”

Teruki laughs, good-natured. For some reason it makes Ritsu’s chest ache. “Don’t worry about it. Shige’s been telling me all about your school, sounds like they’ve really got you burning the candle from both ends over there.”

“Is everything okay, Ritsu?” Shigeo asks. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Ritsu lies. He hates lying to Shigeo, but there's no reason why Shigeo needs to get involved. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.” Shigeo stares at him, unsatisfied, and Ritsu pretends not to notice. “How’s studying?”

“We were actually gonna call it a night and put on a movie,” Teruki answers. “You can join us if you want. It’s one of those flicks that’s only fun if you’re watching with a group. The more the merrier.”

Great, so neither of them believed the lie. “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass tonight. I’ve got a book review due tomorrow and I want to proof-read one more time.” 

“Ah, gotcha. Bummer. Well, join us next time, then. We’ll even let you pick the movie.”

Ritsu grabs his PopTarts from the kitchen, bids them both goodnight and leaves before Shigeo can pry again.

~*~*~*~*~

Mom and Dad are setting the table when Ritsu comes home. His shoes are soaked and the bruises underneath his ribs throb. He shuts the door silently behind him, peels off his shoes and then his socks. He powerwalks from the genkan to his bedroom, then from his bedroom to his bathroom. 

He wrestles himself out of his school uniform into a fresh change of clothes, shakes the dirt out of his hair and rinses the scrape in his side just in time to meet Shigeo in the kitchen for dinner. 

Shigeo is surprised that Ritsu is home, since he hadn’t heard him come in. Mom was about to text him. Ritsu brushes it off with a nonsense reason and sprints for the kitchen to ask Mom how he can help with dinner.

He can handle this.

~*~*~*~*~

Shigeo has spooled himself between the couch and the coffee table, flopped over his arms and surrounded by textbooks and gel pens.

“Studying hard?” Ritsu asks.

Shigeo lifts his head. He has eyebags like someone who accidentally placed a bulk order for 50,000 sticky hands and had to zoink through half a dozen third-party sites to cancel it. That happened to Shou once.

Ritsu missed Shou. He chose a high school so he could be closer to his mother, which means that outside of summer vacation and occasional weekend visits, he doesn’t see his best friend often. It doesn’t help the steadily growing pit of isolation in his stomach.

No—he isn’t isolated. He’s handling this fine. 

“I normally like anatomy,” Shigeo sighs. “The way this textbook phrases things is… confusing.”

“Do you want cup ramen? I was going to make one for myself, I can boil some extra water.”

“If you don’t mind. Thank you, Ritsu.”

Ritsu reaches for the top shelf in the pantry. The bruising on his shoulder aches, but he snags two ramens before the pain is unbearable. He sets the kettle to boil. 

“How was school?” Shigeo calls from the living room.

“It was good. Nothing special. What about you?”

“The same. We had a substitute today, so our quiz got pushed back a week.”

“Nice.”

“Sort of. I was looking forward to getting it over with.”

“I guess now you have more time to prepare for it?”

“Yeah.”

The kettle whistles. Ritsu pours water into both cups, grabs an extra pair of chopsticks for Shigeo and heads back into the living room. 

“Oh, thank you,” Shigeo says, taking the cup from him.

Ritsu nods. “Mom is gonna be upset if she finds out we’re eating this late.”

“She understands.” Shigeo pins the flimsy lid over the cup with his chopsticks. He pauses, long enough that Ritsu realizes he wants to say something. He wants to talk. 

“… Well, I’m going back to my room,” Ritsu says, moving toward the hall. “Don’t stay up too late.”

“Ritsu.” 

Ritsu waits. 

“... You would tell me if something was wrong,” Shigeo says quietly. “Wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

He shuts the door of his room behind him. 

~*~*~*~*~

Cayenne Academy has a large fountain in the plaza behind the school. 

The water is very cold. 

~*~*~*~*~

Mom and Dad are out of town to help Dad’s parents with a moving sale. It’s early November and it’s cold and Ritsu steps through the barrier Shigeo keeps subconsciously over their home, over the porch and through the front door. His feet hurt. His hands are cold. Shigeo’s aura rumbles like a fireplace, warmhearted and familiar. Ritsu’s eyes sting.

Ritsu’s aura curdles in his chest like over-microwaved milk. His blood vibrates under his skin until he’s sick to his stomach—except he hasn’t eaten anything today, so there’d be nothing to throw up if he tried. 

“Ritsu?” 

Of course Shigeo can tell something is wrong. Ritsu should have thought about that before he came home like—like this. He hears Shigeo’s footsteps, slow at first then fast when Ritsu doesn’t answer. When Shigeo turns the corner from the kitchen to the entryway, all of Ritsu’s fabricated dispositions break apart and a traitorous sob catches in his throat.

Shigeo leaps toward him, panicked. “What happened?” Shigeo says, stopping just in front of him and thumbing at his hairline. He nicks a bruise and Ritsu doesn’t have the energy not to wince. “Are you hurt? You’re hurt. What happened?”

Ritsu didn’t plan this. He hardly remembers making the decision to walk home without changing out of his uniform or cleaning out the scratches or washing the grime out from under his fingernails. His aura grits down on itself like a meat grinder on glass, strung-up and shivery. He can feel it affect his brother’s aura but can’t reel it in. The lights flicker.

Shigeo’s palms flatten on either one of his cheeks and Ritsu meets his brother’s crimson eyes. Shigeo looks furious and devastated and sad.

“Did someone do this? Ritsu?”

Ritsu can’t take it.

“There was a new student,” Ritsu says. His voice is the only part of him that isn’t shaking violently. “H-He transferred a c… a couple months after I did. He wasn’t good at sports, or academics, or… But he was nice. He was really nice. He just wanted to fit in, and…”

Shigeo is listening, patiently still while his aura seizes. Ritsu tries to gather his thoughts but his thoughts wrangle into emotion and his ribs claw at his heart. 

“Everyone turned against him,” Ritsu whispers. “For—no reason, and… I—”

Ritsu’s club gradually stopped talking to him. His good grades went from points of respect to points of jealousy. He’d never been called a teacher’s pet before. One day he was pulling the new kid’s books out of the school fountain and the next day it was his books.

“Why?” Ritsu gasps. “He didn’t do anything wrong, Nii-san. I said so, but they weren’t going to listen to me. Even he told me to stop, but what else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t just watch, not…” 

He reminded Ritsu of middle-school Shigeo, living under his own thumb. Loneliness and the feeling of being ‘other’ cut his brother deeply through the years. 

“I thought they’d all snap out of it once I called them out, but they didn’t. Then I thought if I could just explain the situation to a teacher something would change. But it didn’t.”

Speaking up made it worse. Speaking up shifted the target off of that student’s back and onto Ritsu’s.

“H-His parents transferred him to another school,” Ritsu chokes. His breaths come short and fast but he doesn’t have the willpower to keep himself from hyperventilating. “Today was his last day, and tomorrow, I—” 

Their punches were as sharp as their words. The fountain was so, so cold. 

“I’ll be alone.”

Shigeo grabs his arm. “Rits—” 

“But.” Ritsu’s voice shatters. He tears out of Shigeo’s grip, clutches at his chest and loathes the trilling note of his aura high in the air. “I won’t regret this,” Ritsu snaps, angry and ashamed at the well of it already stewing in his gut. He’s angry that he could regret this. Angry that he’s afraid. 

A teacher’s pet and a coward and a goody-two-shoes. He thought he was fitting in when in reality he just wasn’t standing out. 

Once he started standing up, then his peers shut him out and the bullies tried to shut him up.

“I won’t regret this,” Ritsu heaves, tears clotting in his throat, “because—because what I did wasn’t wrong.”

“That’s right,” Shigeo says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I didn’t…” 

Shigeo’s arms bind around Ritsu’s shoulders and pull him against his chest. “I’m really, really proud of you.”

Ritsu clutches his brother and lets the storm take him. Shigeo’s aura secures a barrier over Ritsu’s and creates a pocket of space where there exists only the two of them. The steadfast warmth of Shigeo’s aura is an overpowering solace and Ritsu chokes on his sobs.

“Why?” Ritsu smothers himself in his brother’s shoulder. He doesn’t know whether or not he wants to be heard. “H-He never did anything wrong—I never did anything wrong. Why would they turn on—” Him. Me. “I thought they liked me,” Ritsu chokes. “B-But they all turned on me so fast—” 

Shigeo squeezes him. Ritsu cries. 

Gradually, Shigeo guides him toward the couch without loosening his hold. A blanket wraps around Ritsu’s shoulders. Shigeo lowers them both to the couch and hugs Ritsu tight. Ritsu curls his knees against his brother’s chest and the pressure on his lungs makes it nearly impossible to breathe. 

Growing up, Ritsu thought for sure that if he only had psychic powers he would never be scared again. Why did he ever think that?

“Mom and Dad can’t know,” Ritsu blurts. The fountain, bruising, their hits and their words— “Th-They can’t know, they… they’re g-gonna be so upset.” 

“I won’t tell them,” Shigeo says, sounding torn. “But they have to know, Ritsu. They’ll be more upset if you don’t tell them and they can’t figure out what’s wrong.”

Ritsu can handle the concept of his family being angry. He can’t handle the concept of his family being disappointed. 

“What am I going to do tomorrow?” Ritsu whimpers. 

“Nothing.” Shigeo rests his chin on the top of Ritsu’s head and his aura cinches around Ritsu’s, stubborn. “You aren’t going anywhere tomorrow.”

“But—”

“If you don’t wanna tell Mom and Dad right away, I’ll tell them you can’t go. I won’t tell them anything, and  You never take time off school. They might make you talk to them instead, but they won’t make you go.”

“I don’t want to disappoint them.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Tears bring heat to Ritsu’s eyes. He grips his brother’s sleeve and lets himself feel small. “Are you disappointed?”

“No. I’m mad, but. Not at you.”

He knew that, but he had to hear it. Pathetic.

Shigeo’s aura bears down on his again abruptly. The suddenness of it chokes the air out of Ritsu’s throat. “Stop doing that.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” Shigeo says, “you just—you keep getting more upset.”

“You aren’t going to be able to take it away,” Ritsu snaps. “This is plenty. Alright?” Shigeo’s aura is nice, but even if they weren’t psychics and all Shigeo did was hug him, that would be enough. “It’s—It’s too much when you do that.”

“Sorry.”

Ritsu presses his temple to Shigeo’s chest. His brother’s heartbeat is fast. “It’s okay.”

Shigeo’s aura remains, but stops fussing. It reminds him of a time back in elementary school when he had a fever and Mom wouldn’t stop hovering. The comfort of her concern conflicted with the overstimulation of words and presence. He doesn’t want Shigeo to leave but he needs him to not freak out.

Ritsu loosens the chokehold on his own aura. Its presence sits mutely in the base of his chest, but now it can move if it wants to and his lungs expand easier. Shigeo’s heartbeat draws to a steadier pace. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner,” Ritsu manages. “I—I thought I could handle it.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you said something now.”

Ritsu closes his eyes.

He missed his brother.

~*~*~*~*~

Hushed voices dance over his head when Ritsu starts to wake up. He’s too exhausted to consider moving, the haze of sleep thick behind his eyes and his chest comfortably weighted. A familiar hand smooths his hair out of his face. 

“Is everything okay?” 

“Not really. Ritsu can’t go to school tomorrow.”

Mom’s hand lingers at the bruise. The sleep is too thick for Ritsu to consider opening his eyes. “What happened?”

“Ritsu doesn’t want me to tell you, but he agreed to tell you himself when he’s ready.”

“No school tomorrow?”

“I can go, but he can’t.”

The hand lifts from Ritsu’s head. “You’ve been just as bad about pushing yourself too hard, Shige. If he’s going to call in sick, I’ll call in for both of you.”

“You don’t—”

“It sounds like Ritsu needs you. It’s basically the weekend anyway. Your father would say the same thing.”

“I’d say the same thing about what?”

Mom and Dad… he must have been asleep for hours if they’re home. Has Shigeo been here this whole time?

“Ritsu’s having a hard time.”

“What’s going on?”

“He’ll tell us himself when he’s ready, but I’m keeping him and Shige home from school tomorrow.

“Sounds like a plan to me. You boys never take time off these days, what kind of teenagers are you?”

“... I guess we have been busy recently, but…”

“It’ll be good for both of you,” Mom decides. She kisses Ritsu’s forehead first, and then he assumes Shigeo’s. “I’ll bring out some extra blankets.”

“You’re good kids,” Dad says. “Thanks for looking after him, Shige.”

Ritsu feels Shigeo’s arm tighten against his back. “Of course.” 

Shigeo is the best brother. 

The kitchen light flicks back off. Blankets drape over both of them and Mom tucks the corners in. Ritsu’s eyes are sticky from crying and from sleep, and his throat hurts, but the unrest in his chest has settled. He feels okay.

He’ll talk to Mom and Dad in the morning. For now he relaxes into his brother and slips back under the warmth of sleep.

[daydadahlias]

omg okay jess i don’t even know what to say. i can’t believe i didn’t read scene 14 sooner omg it’s amazing. this may just be your best fic imo. i’m gonna read take notes next and then i can just for sure but holy shit. this fic has fucked me up so bad. i’ve never read anything like it. i’m pretty sure you’ve mentioned before that you act/ have acted and i think that’s one of the many reasons i really love this fic because all of the acting scenes and stuff feel real and honest. not like you researched it. and i did NOT think this fic was going to be as angsts as it was, or at least i didn’t think i was going to be sobbing and pacing and (quietly) screaming at 3am over the last 2 chapters. i really love how well you portrayed luke’s reaction to the break up, even though it wasn’t actually the break up (but i think that makes it worse honestly) and the whole miscommunication between them. the fact the ash thought they were dating the whole time after they had sex was what really got me. i wanna listen to the rest of the twenty minutes of that voicemail! i loved the whole ash knowing luke’s coffee order thing. i loved how ash finally got a good first time, and hopefully many more. i can’t remember if it said that they’re going to tell them eventually, but i love how everyone else is still out of the loop! i really hope sierra and kay kay didn’t break up and i really hope crystal says yes to michael’s proposal and they live happily ever after. i hope calum and roy have a happy ending too. i literally could think of so much more to say but i need sleep haha. i really loved this fic jess. thank you for writing it and thank you for all that you do in the fandom. im gonna go to sleep now and then when i wake up i’m gonna watch the normal heart and die over scene 14. bye bye jess

Hello anon!!!!! Sorry it took me a second to get to this!! I thought I would have time to get to my computer at some point today but apparently not so I’m writing this on my phone while walking my dog apologies.

I really have not thought of scene 14 in over a year so this was a nice little reminder that she is still alive and well :) I don’t know if I’d say it’s my best fic but I definitely love it !!! The writing process was so fun (I remember being 17 writing in the back of my science class instead of paying attention 😭).

And yeah I’ve definitely mentioned acting before !! This was in the absolute height of my acting “career” too lol (read: I wrote a play and was in my senior year of highschool theatre), and knew I had to write something about theatre before I went to college and inevitably left it behind (rip acting i will always love you). I appreciate that it felt real and not researched!!! It definitely was all just personal experience coming through (such as my brief obsession with a high school theatre arch nemesis who played Billy in Bright Star — looking back I def would have casted Ashton as Jimmy if I rewrote the fic now).

I’m usually not a fan of miscommunication OR enemies to lovers in stories lol so this was kind of my go at trying to do what I hated :) I’m glad you liked it!!

Honestly the real shame is that I used to have the full voice mail!!! Back in ye old day, when I was writing, I would voice memo all monologues while planning them so I could transcribe them later so that full voicemail used to exist !! And then my phone crashed a year ago and wiped everything I loved lolz.

And Sierra and KK definitely did not break up!! I’d never do that to my girls. And of COURSE crystal said yes. Call me a sentimentalist but I set all those needs up for happy endings.

As for this last bit, I hope you got to sleep!! And thank you so much for this!!! I love our little fandom :) especially for people like you 💙🥰 and you’re going to love the movie!! Mark Ruffalo and Matt Bomer ate DOWN. Their performances were UNREAL. Keep tissues nearby.

[bethanydelleman]

Not Jane Austen related, but could you tell me about your career as a cognitive neuroscientist?

Sure! Now I will be clear, I don't have a PhD, I have an MA, but the definition of "scientist" doesn't include your degree level and it’s the easiest term to understand.

My MA is in cognitive neuroscience and I mainly studied how fear changes our ability to remember things. You can read my dissertation if you want. I also spent a lot of time working with seniors and I have taught courses on how memory changes as we age. My job title has mostly been “research assistant.” I mostly studied memory, but I had an interest in language development and OCD.

After I graduated, I taught brain function and research methods for two semesters at a small university as a sessional lecturer.

Then I got a job as a research assistant to family doctors. I really loved that job. The research I was doing was public health focused. We looked at offering free legal advice to our patients, helping seniors take their medications on time, helping family medicine residents study for their exams (two papers out of that one!), and the needs of family doctor training programs in low income countries. (Many of these are available free to read online)

Here I need to say something about research: it doesn’t matter what you are an expert in, it matters that you know the process. The doctors I worked with were the experts, but because I know the basic methods of research, I can apply these to any project I encounter.

Then I spent a year in a different department doing heart health research. This research was more qualitative (people's experiences) than quantitative (things I can do statistics on) so I didn't enjoy it as much. But I was between pregnancies and I needed a job.

I am planning to get back into research again soon, I took a break when my kids were both in daycare and I opened my own home daycare, which ended up being a very good move, because the pandemic hit right when I would have been heading back to work after maternity leave (I live in Canada, one year at 50% pay). That is what I am doing now but I keep involved in science by continuing to participate in the peer review process. Peer review is always done on a volunteer basis and on your own time.

Now if you are thinking of getting into science, I know some things have happened recently with the whole pandemic, but let me say: it's a tough field. Researchers like me are often only hired on temporary contracts because our pay is based on grant funding. Despite advanced degrees, many of us are not paid very well at all and because of the short contracts we don’t have job security.

I was actually enrolled in a PhD program but I realized I wanted to do more applied research, which my supervisor couldn't offer. I also became aware that in the job market, the PhD wouldn't give me that much of an edge because I didn't want to be a professor.

Why not a professor? I don't like all the parts of the job. It is constant grant applications, a lot of training grad students, teaching rabbles of undergrads, and a lot of paper writing and revisions. I like some of those things, like teaching and statistics, but not others. Also, as a Canadian, it's almost impossible to get a job without first moving to the United States or Europe and I didn't want to do that. I've been watching friends have marriages fall apart because they both have PhDs and it's very hard to get post-docs in the same province or country, let alone city...

Universities are also hiring less full professors and more sessional lecturers. SLs are paid almost nothing and you have to accept a very high course load to make a reasonable living. Also no research, you just teach.

Which is all to say, get a PhD if you really love the subject matter, but the career prospects afterwards are rough. I love doing it though, so I most likely will be returning. Right now I’m using all my extra brain power on Jane Austen analysis and writing JAFF.

And for fun!

Here is a picture of my actual brain, which I lay perfectly still in an MRI for 1.5 hours just to get (look at that beautiful cerebellum, those healthy white matter tracks... I’ll stop):

And me doing a traumatic brain injury study (I fell off a cliff once) in an EEG:

And me cutting up a sheep brain (best day ever!)

[altheterrible]

The water is only knee deep.

Well I haven’t written a long, rambling post about my life in awhile, so here we go.

Right now, my life has a level of stability that is truly unprecedented.

When I moved to Detroit for grad school and was suddenly away from my family and their drama, I found myself in a much more stable environment than I had ever been, and it was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. I reacted by causing my own chaos, because at the time I only felt normal if I was in fight or flight mode. Hence the years of stitches and hospitalizations and all that jazz.

Now, though, I am in a very stable place and I don’t feel compelled to ruin it. I feel like...instead of getting knocked over again and again by crashing waves, I am standing up in the water and realizing it’s only knee deep. I’m surveying my surroundings for the first time because I’m finally not struggling to keep my head above water.

This is what I see.

Getting my pharmacist license back is going to require paying my fine and probably getting a lawyer as well as acquiring documentation from my therapist that says I am now stable enough to practice pharmacy. That will not be a problem, she is 100% on my side. My sister will be a lawyer in a year so I have that covered. I will not have $1000 in a year, but I should get a decent tax refund this year that I can put towards it. 

But! I do not know if I want to go back to pharmacy. Retail pharmacy is soul sucking. Telling old people they can’t have their anticoagulant unless they have $200/month, telling people they can’t have inhalers or insulin unless they pay...it’s unethical, frankly, and I won’t do it. Hospital pharmacy would be a better fit, but that generally requires a residency and I absolutely can’t even afford to apply for residency especially since I know that with my record, I wouldn’t match.

There’s a certificate in medical writing I want to start working on, but I can’t get financial aid and I can’t afford even one class a semester. But medical writing would be a good fit for me--I understand clinical research, I enjoy writing, and I am good at breaking things down so people can understand them. But, money. Always money.

I applied for a recently-opened lead position at my current job, and the pay bump would be nice, but it’s still only part time. That said, I really enjoy what I do there and I love my coworkers. It’s low stress and no one throws things at me. I would absolutely abandon pharmacy to pursue a career in museums, but it’s such a hard industry to break into. There's a gulf between customer service at a museum and the curators/designers/science folks, and it is huge and impassable.

My sister is giving me more responsibility at the library. I’m going to start running an adult book/movie club in September in addition to running monthly teen nights. I’m doing a murder mystery night in October as well, and the annual trunk or treat. I’m going to be working 5-6 days a month instead of the 1-2 that I have been, so I’ll have a little extra money. I really enjoy working on library programming, I love coming up with ideas for programs and then making them into reality. I’ve looked at finishing my MLIS, but my credits expired last year and I think I’d have to start over. But in Michigan, you don’t really need an MLIS to be a high-ranking library employee, and my sister says she thinks I would make a great director once I get some more management experience under my belt. She’s going to teach me the secrets of grant writing and she’s working with me about learning how to report our data to the state for state aid. I think working in libraries could be extremely fulfilling. I’ve toyed with the idea of sending a resume off to the local medical school library to see if they need an assistant. 

One of my goals for therapy when I switched therapists in January was that I wanted to be able to make a firm commitment to staying alive. I’ve always felt very ambivalent about the future. I wasn’t sure there would be anything in the future worth sticking around for. Now I realize I need to make those things myself. I think I finally am committed to staying alive. I still go down suicidal, life-is-meaningless, I wish I was dead spirals, but they don’t last too long. Idk, maybe it’s the Prozac. Maybe it’s working jobs that don’t make me hate myself. Maybe it’s having a life that’s predictable enough that I can actually plan for the future.

For the first time in my life, I don’t feel the urge to run and leave everything and everyone behind. I’m letting myself form relationships with people that actually mean something to me. I sometimes still feel like if I disappeared, nothing in the world would change, but mostly I’m starting to see the worth in myself that other people keep insisting is there. I’m treating myself better. Trying to rest, trying to be creative daily, putting my needs before other peoples’ wants. 

I don’t want to say I’m happy, because I don’t want to jinx it, but I am content most of the time. I whine and complain a lot, but that’s just who I am as a person; a whiny baby. When I go to bed at night, I no longer wish to die in my sleep. I don’t pray to get hit by a bus or a car or an asteroid anymore. And you know, maybe that will change. Maybe things will get dark again. Right now, I feel okay about that, too. I’m just enjoying my quiet little life and not bracing myself for the next catastrophe. It might come, it might not, but that doesn’t mean that right now, this moment, needs to be rushed.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Katie/jakk 1/28/17

(I did a meeting with the creators/ writers of High Maintenance because they wanted to do an episode about a sexworker, and i dissociated like crazy til i brought out “katie” and talked to them with her in my hand. I was there for three hours instead of one. This was the next day after i emailed them the entire Nusch & Sonia story. I just re-read the “notes” that i sent them in addition to the story; suffice it to say i told them everything I’d been told.)

Everything that i gave her to read …He loved it?

“He’s gonna use all of it.”

He wants to use all of it?

“He thinks it’s basically the story.”

He thinks i basically gave them the whole fucking story

(transmission)

He’s glad that i sent all that material.

Is he definitely gonna use me as the person?

“He’s completely enthralled with tinka and katie.”

Could he see the change when i picked up the pendulum?

(transmission)

And he wants to show that on screen

Does Ben realize he has gold material?

“this could be Emmy-award winning material here.”

He knows he has to go with me as the actress.

He’s in love with katie and tinka...he loves the story

(transmission)

Is he sexually attracted to me?

(laughs)

Wow. so this is happening. This is happening

So they’re gonna have a picture of katie

And they’re gonna have a picture of jakk

But we’re never gonna see jakk? Is that correct.

(transmission)

And she’ll talk to these pictures of jakk and...katie

Is this the episode that ben is the most excited about right now?

And katja.

Who’s more excited about it, ben?

Are they equally excited about it?

Cool.

So they’re basically making an episode about me, jakk, and you. Fuck. holy shit. This is really happening. I can feel it. Thank God mallery.

And they’re gonna do footage of us on the bridge....

Is it gonna get them an award?

(transmission)

And it’s gonna make my career take off.

It’s gonna make you and i....it’s gonna make us known. (cackles at transmission)

And jane and all them are trying to say that we’re not real. You and i know what we are

It’s gonna make your dad realize............fuck (laughs some more) it’s gonna make your dad realize.

Are they gonna wanna put it in there about the text messages?

Are you fucking serious?

Oh fuck.

Should i let them?

What about what my mom said? That i’ll lose john forever? I already lost him?

You’re right.

You’re right. I did. I already lost him.

He already blames me. You’re right. That is a valid point.

Should we make our new website under chaoticfemmestorm.com?

Yes? You like that?

(a shift)

Did he freak out at reading that?

Does he think i’m a genius?

(laughing) he’s got to..i am kind of a genius

We’ve got to get to work. We’ve only got 6 hours; we’ve got to get the house clean.

So things are going good with High Maintenance

(walking into a bedroom) , we don’t have to worry about it too much.this room is set up.

What?

Jakk?

Is Blond still home?

Does he want to talk to us?

Ok, go get him.

(pause)

(to Psychic Jakk, happy) hi! Good morning.

How are you?

Is Blond still home?

Is she going to brunch soon?

Putting 2 and 2 together about your instagram post and your saam bar shirt and your saam bar job helped me understand this is actually you and we are actually communicating (fakeRandom led me to this post as validation that jakk had gotten the chef position)

That finally helped it click in. tho it’s still like....since you are typically a science-based creature, you can understand why it might be a little hard to accept. But it is the Year of the Magician, and you are a Magician, so...and you have been having sex with Nusch, so..it is 2017.

I think Blond drugged me last night...again. I don’t know how she did that. Do you know how she’s doing that? No. we’ll figure it out. I think if i keep doing...they’re tellingme what i need to be doing daily, as a practice to get her out, and what they’re also telling me is i need to do a cut

and clear.....again, so that should be helping. Since obviously this is what we’re going to be doing for the next 12 weeks.

I have a feeling that tonight with Brenda..you know we have this thing at the hotel...i don’t know if we’ll have time to go get, i mean i guess i could go now...and go get the candles...do you know,...is Blond leaving in like an hour?

So basically i would have time to go get the candles before you would be free......jakk, it really sounds like High Maintenance is gonna be making an episode about you, me and katie. Basically. It really sounds like that is happening.

You’ll never be seen. There will be a picture of you in a frame that i talk to.(this is the first time i’m hearing this since taping it in 2017...i wasn’t really using pictures yet, except i had a few pictures of kate printed out.maybe i was carrying a picture of her, i’m not sure. But def not jakk.)

I mean you’ll never be seen....there’ll be a picture of you in a frame that i talk to.

According to katie...yeah, it’s kinda awesome. They realize that ...i sent them the Nusch story, i sent them the notes.....i obviously am not going to send you the notes because then Blond would see them...but i sent them notes on how we’re basically able to have sex through the pendulum. and according to Katie, they’re gonna get an emmy award for the episode. And they realize that, they realize they have fucking gold in this story about me. About us. And of course, who else are they gonna get to play it?who else can do this? They have to have me. Cause it’s me and katie. Who else is gonna be able to do this with the pendulum?

So that’s kinda rad. I feel really good about it.

She made me go to the top of the bridge last night....Katelan checked in on me yesterday and said i should tell the spirits that i’m separating from you and Blond, and...i think she said that based on the last reading i did with her in december, i don’t think she actually knows what’s going on with you and i..currently. But that’s why i got frightened. I thought....well maybe i’m imagining the whole thing. And that’s why i had to check in with you at 9 o’clock to see ..if this was real?

(awkaward pause)

“It’s real.”

Yeah i know, i can tell. (a laugh like a bell)

So wait, when you’re talking to me like this...you’re talking in your head. Is that correct?

So Blond has no idea that you’re talking to me right now, is that correct?

So she’s home, but she doesn’t know that...that we’re...speaking.

(softly) got it. (yawns)

I miss you. You tried to wake me, huh? (a flirty laugh)

(i got woken up a lot during the 5-7 time period, this time i thought it was him)

Yeah, she’s knockingme out something fierce! She’s really just keeping us apart. (transmission) i tried, i tried really hard to get up. And she’s like, taking the pendulum out of my hand. I don’t know what the fuck’s she doing.

I guess i could pin it to my shirt. Yeah? You think so? Or maybe i could pin it to my sleeve. Though tonight we’re gonna be at the roger smith hotel.

Should i snapchat you tonight? Yeah? Would you like that? I’ll try it. I’ve never done it. I’m a ,little shy. But i’ll do it.

I got another call from another regular yesterday. I think she upped the amount of money. I think she made the amount of money higher.

Does she just have a lot of money?

Well, ....i miss you. What color is your hair right now? Does it have any dye right now? It has dye in it? Does it have red dye in it?

You put on a little weight, huh? I could see in the little bit of video. It doesn’t look like you. It looks like..it actually looked like she did that to you. You know what i mean? I don’t mean...i mean it’s a stress reaction.

Yeah, i know that.

I love you however you are, you know that. But i know you feel better at a thinner weight. Same way i do. Though right now i...i mean, i still need to tone up. I do. Hardcore. Though i just put my gym membership on hold until may, and i’m just gonna exercise in the house and go for long walks just to cut down on cost. Cause i can’t afford 90$ a month right now obviously.

It helps that i’m not allowed to eat dairy or gluten. She made me totally emaciated.

Oh you know what i got last night?

I got another spell that she did. It made me so mad i wanted to kill her. Are you ready for this one?

Cause i thought about how i froze up...when i went to go speak to the writers. Cause you know she did a spell that my play would flop. Did i tell you that? I don’t know if i got to tell you that yet. Yeah she did a spell that my play would be a failure...but another one that she did that i just got last night is a fear of public speaking. That i wouldn’t be able to speak in public,..and anytime i try to speak in public that i lose my shit.

(i was in the park when i was told this.)

And that’s why for the last year and a half, two years, i’ve been having complete breakdowns in public. I never did this before.

So i have to like....(laughs in disbelief) how do you uncross a spell where someone puts a spell on you to not be able to speak in public. And katie told me that i was completely right, that she did do this.

She has fucked me up good. Like she really has done some nasty nasty nasty shit. And i said to katie last night, i don’t know how i’m gonna go 12 weeks without killing her, cause i’m so angry right now. I’m really angry. I’m angry the way that i was angry at my father. I’m pretty...angry. I want to show up outside of del posto and _____ _ _____ __ ___ _______, angry. (lighter) ) i won’t do that, i want you to hear i’m not going to do that, but i am that angry.

You know? It’s fucked up. It really got to me. That’s the beautiful thing about being fed information, i get to get really intense emotions about it for 15 minutes, and then i process it, and then i move on to the next.

Do you love me like crazy? Yes? I love you like crazy. I can sorta see you in my head. I can. So let me get this straight on the snapchat thing. I can send you pictures but can you send me pictures?

You can. Are you going to send me pictures? (doubtful) alright, we’ll see. I miss you. 12 weeks is a long time. One more question and then i should go get those candles.

Ok, lonnie is a deadend. He’s too scared of Blond.

Maggie? Is she a deadend?

(long pause)

But she was doing the witchcraft with her, is that true?

So basically ...stay away...don’t go...basically stay away from anything to do with Blond from this point on.

(pause)

But laurie is still gonna get in touch with me.

Does maggie know that she can be brought to court?

(pause/transmission)

Ok.

Hold on just a sec, i’m gonna check with katie on...stay where you are, i’m just gonna bring katie in..

katie? Katiekins? Do you think we should go get the candles for the cut and clear right now, or should we go tomorrow?

Go right now?

And then when we get back, sex with jakk. Ok. will you go get him again?

Hi babe. So katie and i are gonna...we’re gonna go to the brooklyn shops and go get the candles..so that we can have them here when we do the cut and clear tomorrow. Blond’s still home, right?

And we’ll be talking to you while we’re on our trip but we’re gonna get started so that errand is done.

And then we’ll do our thing....so do you think she’ll be gone...like at 12? We’ll plan on meeting at 12, 12:30? Having a date? Quick date? Hour date?

That sounds good.

Great.

Is there anything else you wanna tell me before we get started?

(transmission)

You love me?

Is that what you’re saying?

Wait i’m trying to get it clear.

Are you saying i love you?

Yes. i love you, i know you love me. I love you too.

I know.

We can do this. We can do this. We’ve done this so far. If we’ve made it this far.....you know? If High Maintenance is gonna make a television show about us, then our love must be pretty spectacular.

We’re from the Midwest! I love you! You’re my best friend. And my boyfriend. And my baby daddy. And my baby faggot. And for two people who never get to see each other, we’re pretty fucking in love. so ....i’d say we’re doing ok. I’d say we’re something that comes through once in a lifetime. And this will be over before we know it....what’s another 12 weeks? (laughs at her joke) let’s see how many days is that really? Really....oh it’s the 28th too. 12x7, that’s only 84 days (laughs) how many weeks do we have? If it’s april 17th........1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11.....11 weeks and change!

That’s like a semester. We can do this. We can do this!

(walking around) i love you....even tho you only live around the corner. So much. We’re gonna figure it out. We always do.

Alright i’ll talk to you a little later, love you (blows him a kiss, turns on the kettle) Oh my god it’s cold! Dude you’re kidding me. Did i really not charge anything? (the water heating is the only sound until the tape ends)

Random re:j 1/28/17

Um, i need you to clarify.

Have you...been working with jakk?

(transmission)

You’ve been teaching him how to communicate with me. And katie and nusch. And how to use his tools.

You’ve been teaching him how to ward off...blond’s...spells?

You’ve been teaching him how to use the Magician’s gifts? And step into his power

And this is the reason that jakk and i have been able to communicate through..the pendulum And this is why ....jakk and i through katie/nusch have been able to have encounters.

And you’re going in a really big circle.

And these sexual encounters strengthen us...both of us. Ok that is all for now. We’re gonna talk to you more later on tonight, cause i’m gonna be with brenda.

Ok?

Thank you.

Did you enjoy being at High Maintenance the other night?

Are they gonna write a story about us?

Great, ok.

Am i gonna play the person?

Are they gonna have pictures of you and katie and jakk?

That’s all for now. Thank you. Can J, wait one more question.

Can jakk basically like see me like at all times?

yes?

Through the pendulum, as long as i have the pendulum with me. As long as i have the orange diaper pin ..connected to a pendulum...he can see me. He can see what i’m doing, he can see where i am.

And this all started...when i found the story of Nusch and i told him about it on january 3rd. Got it, thank you Random.

And do you feel this spell i’m gonna do, the reversal...when i come back...is that gonna help things?

Is that a yes, like an enthusiastic yes? Is that why you sent me to do a cut and clear, was to talk to that man?

Great! Is he gonna be one of my new teachers?

Fantastic! I’ll talk to you more later, bye Random love you.

(end of tape)

[allthingsfook]

hi! could i get a ship!

my name is holly. i am 4’11, and plus size! my hair is very curly.

now about me! i would like to think that i am hilarious, i love to make people laugh. cracking jokes is one of my strong suits. to add, i really like helping people. i am the friend that people will seek out to get advice about anything and everything, and i will give it to them without judgement. i am a big home body, but i like hanging out with friends too! my favorite place to hangout is the bowling alley or the movies! (i love movies! my favorite movie is ghostbusters 1984) my love language is academic validation. i love school, and i love to learn. i’m in college studying forensics and chemistry and i adore it! i wish i could go to school forever. i think with my love of learning comes my “toxic trait” though, as i put far too much pressure on myself when it comes to school. i strive to be the best, and often times i become my own worst enemy (especially with over studying and all that jazz). my proper love language would be words of affirmation. i think academic validation and words of affirmation go hand in hand honestly. when i’m not reading science books, or studying in some way i’m probably drawing! i really like to draw, and as much as i love studying science, i really miss having the free time to draw more. and finally, my star sign is sagittarius, and for the most part i think my traits are pretty on the money as far as the stereotypical sagittarius traits.

thank you so much for doing these!! :)))

Hello Sweet Holly!!! I ship you with….

Daniel Robert Wagner 💜

I toggled back and forth between Sammy and Danny, but good thing is if you were with Danny, Sam would also be near. No doubt you all would get along!

To preface, I don’t usually like to mention anyone’s physical features because I believe none of the guys have a ‘type’ or judge those on their looks. ALTHOUGH imagine you and Danny pampering each other on Sunday nights, doing each others curl routines! Oooof! The way he’d massage product into your scalp and whisper in your ear 😉

You and Danny share that comforting personality that others gravitate toward when they need a rant sesh and/or advice. Not only are you both the calm, you can be the storm too! Not in a bad way of course 😆 More like life of the party. Movies… bowling…. You got it! I can imagine Danny, you, and the rest of the guys frolicking about the city looking for a good time. Ending up at the bowling alley, drinking the bar dry. You can imagine how that night ends 🍻

I think Danny is most likely to be down for a movie marathon. All those nostalgic 80’s movies 🍿 Danny would set up a little homemade theatre experience. A blanket fort on the living room floor. An assortment of your favorite snacks. Twinkle lights strung around the room. He lives for seeing your face light up at his surprise date ideas.

Danny would be incredibly proud of your academic accomplishments and love for learning. I think that would be one of the things that he boasts about the most when he talks about you to others. How smart and inquisitive you are 💕 When Danny decides to bring you home to his parents for the first time, he makes extra special attention to tell Dan and Lori about your education. They would find that impressive.

Aside from your academic career, your creative outlets would spark Danny’s interest as well. He’d come up behind you while your drawing and hug you warmly, admiring your work. If you were critical of a piece, he’d frame it and hang it in plain sight so you learn to love it just as much as him 🎨

Lastly, the mighty Sagittarius (I’m bias, because imma Sag too) No doubt there is a sexual connection between Sags and Capricorns, but I think your characteristics mesh well. You are likely honest/direct, humorous/adventurous, intellectual/philosophical… Danny, as a Capricorn, is honest/direct, loyal, ambitious, sensitive… it’s all about balance, baby!

I hope you enjoyed Holly!