#i don't even know how to rationalize how people think that

[furiousgoldfish]

I don't get why there are no resources for healthy expressions of anger. Are we as a society fundamentally opposed to people feeling anger? Are we afraid that if people get angry they're going to cause destruction so as an alternative we want anger to just not exist? Anger will go somewhere regardless of whether we want it to exist or not, and if a person who has good reasons to be angry, is not allowed to feel angry, they'll get eaten by self hatred and depression because that's what internalizing anger does.

It's also interesting that when abusers and people in power are angry, they can pretty much do whatever they like. Say no to them, they're having crazy revenges, they're tearing apart your stuff, they're starting wars, they're telling you how they're going to kill you in detail, no self restraint, no consequences, nothing. Anger is theirs to do as they please with and in response the society is just, too scared to do anything, so they assume that this specific anger is 'justified' and 'cannot be helped'. However when victims of something are angry, then they're labelled as 'unreasonable' and 'dangerous' and 'unable to move on from things'. Their anger is a problem that needs to be squashed, erased, there's apparently no justifications for these people to be angry, nothing that is reasonable or okay for them to do about it, they just get demonized and shamed for having a completely rational response to injustice.

Is that it then? Those who are able to act out on their anger, get justifications and obedience, but those who are helpless but angry for very good reasons, are just to be suffocated? Anger is allowed only for some parts of human society and it's the most violent, destructive and dangerous part of it too? Where is this getting us? Is the amount of injustice ever going to decrease if we defend injustice, and fight for it to keep going on?

If I look up ways to express anger, I get stuff like 'anger management steps', and 'letting go and moving on from anger', like excuse me. I didn't even get to express 1% of my anger and I need anger management? I have never had problems with controlling my anger, the struggle is to get it out at all! To integrate it into my personality, to hold people accountable without having to think about it, to show resistance when I'm being stepped on! What anger management? Why am I pushed to move away from anger, I haven't even arrived to anger!

Why is it assumed that every person who struggles with expressing anger is a maniac breaking things, enacting revenges, trying to injure or murder people, lashing out and doing harm to everyone around themselves. I can guess why. Because all of the resources are created for people who are letting their anger run wild without a cap and who use anger to get their way. The world is adjusted for people who are allowed to be angry, who were never pushed to the point where getting angry meant loss of survival, where expressions of anger would lead to torture. I am apparently not even considered to exist. I'm either a maniac or not a target audience for anger resources.

If someone's been traumatized out of being able to feel angry, people don't think it's worth having this person angry. It's very obvious this person has giant reasons for anger, so if we let them feel it, they could become 'dangerous', or 'just like their abuser'. You know, being angry at the abuser does not make anyone like the abuser, it makes them Normal. Rational. Having Self Worth. Human. Logical. Reasonable. Engaging in everyone's best fucking interest because you know that abuser is going wreck havoc forever and if nobody is even angry at them, it's giving them an even easier time. Anger is scary when it's in hands of abusers, in the hands of victims it is liberating, just, it puts things into perspective and back where they belong.

Now give me the fucking resources to get angry. I'm sick and tired of hating myself.

[thatdammchickennugget]

Aren't you the greatest thing to ever exist?

pairing - pansy parkinson x fem!reader

summary - "I linger all the time, watchin', hidden in plain sight, ooh, I try, I try, I try, but it takes over my life, I see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear" - lacy by olivia rodrigo

warnings - slytherin!reader, pining, reader is still figuring things out

wordcount - 2.1k

You sit in the dimly lit Slytherin common room, your gaze flickering over the pages of your Charms textbook without really seeing the words. Your mind is elsewhere, wandering to a place it shouldn't, a place where you try to untangle the confusing knot of emotions that Pansy Parkinson ignites within you.

Pansy. She's lounging on the opposite side of the room, surrounded by her usual entourage, her laughter ringing out like a bell. You can’t help but watch her, as if she has some gravitational pull that you can’t escape. Her dark hair cascades over her shoulders, and her eyes sparkle with a  light that makes your stomach flutter uncomfortably.

You hate her. You hate her for the way she carries herself with such confidence, for the way everyone seems drawn to her. You hate her for the way she makes you feel—confused, insecure, and something else you can't quite name.

You slam your book shut, the noise echoing in the quiet room. Pansy glances up, her eyes locking with yours for a brief, heart-stopping moment. You quickly look away, heat rising to your cheeks. Did she notice you staring?

You try to convince yourself that your feelings are purely envy. You want to be like her, with her effortless grace and magnetic presence. You want to command the room the way she does, to have people hang on your every word. But deep down, there's a whisper that says otherwise—a whisper that you're not quite ready to acknowledge.

"Y/n," Pansy's voice cuts through your thoughts, smooth and commanding. "Can you help me with this Transfiguration assignment? I heard you're good at it."

You blink in surprise, your heart thudding in your chest. She's never asked you for help before. You weren’t not even sure if she knows your name, and yet here she is, looking at you expectantly. You nod, unable to form words, and gather your things to join her.

Sitting next to her, you catch a whiff of her perfume—something floral and intoxicating. You try to focus on the parchment in front of you, but your mind is racing. Her proximity is overwhelming, and you can't tell if you want to push her away or pull her closer.

As you explain the intricacies of human transfiguration, you can feel her eyes on you, studying you. It's unnerving, but also thrilling. You can’t help but wonder what she sees when she looks at you. Does she sense the confusion and longing that twist together inside you?

"You're really good at this," Pansy says, her voice softer now, almost…admiring? "I don't know how you do it."

You shrug, trying to appear nonchalant. "Just practice, I guess."

She smiles, and it's like the sun breaking through the clouds. Your heart skips a beat, and you have to remind yourself to breathe. This isn't normal. Friends don't make you feel like this. Enemies certainly don't.

The rest of the study session passes in a blur. Pansy's presence is a constant distraction, and by the time you finish, you're mentally exhausted. She thanks you with a genuine smile, and you can only manage a weak nod in response.

That night, as you lie in bed, staring at the canopy above you, you replay every moment in your mind. You think about her laugh, her smile, the way she looked at you. You try to sort through your feelings, to figure out why she affects you so much.

You sigh, rolling onto your side. Maybe it isn't her. Maybe it's one of her friends. Draco? Blaise? You've spent countless hours rationalizing your feelings, trying to pin your unease and attraction on someone else. You see Pansy with Draco often, their heads bent close in conversation, and you tell yourself that it's him you're interested in. That's why you watch her so closely, isn't it? You're jealous of the time she spends with him.

You close your eyes and stifle a groan. You know this isn’t about Draco, there’s no point in trying to convince yourself. So what else could it be? Maybe you're envious of the effortless way Pansy holds everyone's attention, of how she makes everything look so easy.

But deep down, you know it's more than that. The way your heart races when she smiles at you, the thrill of her touch when she brushes against you in the hallway, the longing that twists in your chest when you see her laugh with someone else—it doesn't make sense if it's just envy.

"Y/n," Pansy's voice from tonight echoes in your memory, soft and curious. "Why do you avoid me all the time?"

Because I can't figure you out. Because I can't figure myself out.

You sit up abruptly, the realization hitting you with startling clarity. It's not Draco. It's not Blaise. It's her. It's always been her. You want her in a way that scares you, in a way that you've been denying for too long.

You bury your face in your hands, overwhelmed by the truth you've been avoiding. You don't just want to be like Pansy Parkinson. You want to be with her.

As the weight of your feelings settles over you, you know that things can never go back to the way they were. You can't continue pretending that your feelings are anything other than what they are. And maybe, just maybe, it's time to stop running from them and face the truth head-on.

ੈ♡˳

The next day, you wake up with a knot of apprehension in your stomach. You don’t know how to act around Pansy anymore. The clarity you gained last night feels fragile, like a delicate thread that might snap if pulled too tight. As you make your way to breakfast, you decide to avoid her for now, to give yourself time to process everything.

In the Great Hall, you sit with your friends, trying to engage in their conversations, but your mind keeps drifting back to her. At the other side of the Slytherin table, she’s laughing with her friends, her eyes sparkling.

You wonder if she ever feels as lost as you do, or if she’s as confident as she appears. You catch yourself staring again and quickly look down at your plate, cheeks burning.

“You okay?” Your friend, Daphne, nudges you. “You’ve been out of it all morning.”

“I’m fine,” you mumble, forcing a smile. “Just didn’t sleep well.”

Daphne eyes you skeptically but doesn’t press further. You’re grateful for that. The last thing you need is to explain the turmoil inside you.

Classes are a blur. Every moment is spent in a state of heightened awareness, waiting for the next time you’ll see Pansy. When she finally appears in Potions, your heart skips a beat. She sits next to you, and you can feel the warmth of her presence like a physical touch.

“Hey,” she says, her voice soft. “How are you?”

“I’m… good,” you lie, trying to sound casual. “You?”

“Pretty good. Thanks for your help last night. I think I actually understand Transfiguration a bit better now.”

You nod, your mouth dry. “Glad I could help.”

Class begins, and you try to focus on the lesson, but Pansy’s proximity is distracting. When Professor Snape instructs the class to partner up for an experiment, Pansy turns to you with a smile. “Partners?”

You swallow hard and nod. Working together is a challenge. Every brush of her hand, every shared glance, sends your heart racing. You catch her watching you a few times, her expression curious, almost thoughtful. Is she trying to figure you out, too?

As the experiment progresses, you find a rhythm, a strange comfort in her presence despite the chaos inside you. She’s attentive, listening to your suggestions, and you start to relax, even enjoy the collaboration.

“Y/n,” she says quietly as you clean up, “are you going to the Slytherin party tonight?”

You hadn’t planned on it. The idea of being in the same room as her, surrounded by people, was overwhelming. But something in her eyes makes you reconsider.

“I might,” you reply, your voice hesitant.

“You should,” she says, her smile brightening. “It’ll be fun. And I’d love to hang out with you more.”

Your heart flutters at her words, and you find yourself nodding. “Okay. I’ll be there.”

ੈ♡˳

You stand in front of the mirror, nerves twisting in your stomach. You’ve never cared much about your appearance before, but tonight feels different. You want to look good, to feel confident. For her.

When you finally make your way to the common room, the party is in full swing. Music fills the air, and students are mingling, laughing, enjoying themselves. You scan the room, searching for Pansy, and spot her near the fireplace, talking to Enzo and Theo.

She sees you almost immediately, her face lighting up. She excuses herself from the conversation and makes her way over to you. “You came!”

“Yeah,” you say, trying to steady your voice. “I did.”

“I’m glad.” She looks at you, her gaze intense. “Let’s get a drink.”

You follow her to the makeshift bar, where she pours you both a drink. You take a sip, the liquid burning down your throat but calming your nerves slightly.

As you sip your drink, you can’t help but feel a mix of anticipation and dread. Pansy leads you to a quieter corner of the room, away from the chaos of the party. The flickering light from the fireplace casts a warm glow on her face, highlighting her features in a way that makes your hands sweat.

“So, what do you think?” she asks, her voice a soft murmur amidst the noise. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

You nod, though you’re not sure if it’s the party or just being near her that’s making you feel this way. “It’s nice,” you manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper.

She smiles, a genuine smile that reaches her eyes. “I’m glad you’re here, Y/n. I feel like we don’t get to talk much, and I’ve been wanting to get to know you better.”

Her words make make you pause. You’ve always been on the periphery of her world, watching from a distance. The idea that she wants to bridge that gap fills you with a confusing mix of hope and fear.

“What do you want to know?” you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Everything,” she says with a laugh, but then she sobers. “I don’t know… What do you like to do when you’re not studying or practicing spells?”

You think for a moment, trying to come up with something that doesn’t sound completely mundane. “I like reading,” you say. “And sometimes, I just like to walk around the grounds. It’s peaceful.”

“I love reading too,” she says, her eyes lighting up. “Do you have a favorite book?”

You mention a few titles, and she nods enthusiastically. The conversation flows easier than you expected, and you find yourself relaxing, enjoying her company. She’s different when it’s just the two of you—less guarded, more genuine.

As the night goes on, the party starts to wind down, but you and Pansy remain in your corner, talking about everything and nothing. You feel a connection growing, a tentative bond that both excites and terrifies you.

“Y/n,” she says softly, her eyes searching yours, “there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Your heart skips a beat. “What is it?”

“Why do you always seem so tense around me?” she asks, echoing the question that’s been haunting you.

You take a deep breath, knowing that this is the moment of truth. You can’t keep running from your feelings. “Because… because you confuse me,” you admit, your voice trembling. “I don’t know how to act around you because I don’t understand what I’m feeling.”

Her eyes soften, and she takes a step closer, closing the distance between you. “And what are you feeling?”

You swallow hard, your heart pounding in your chest. “I think… I think I like you, Pansy. More than just as a friend.”

She looks at you for a long moment, her expression unreadable. Then, slowly, a smile spreads across her face. “I was hoping you’d say that,” she whispers, her voice filled with relief and something else—something you’ve been longing to hear.

Before you can process her words, she leans in and presses her lips to yours, a soft, tentative kiss that sends a jolt of electricity through your body. It’s everything you’ve been denying, everything you’ve been wanting, and more.

When she pulls back, she’s smiling, her eyes shining with a mix of emotions. “I like you too, Y/n,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve been waiting for you to figure it out.”

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[deusvervewrites]

I think you're right with Bakugo losing his quirk being something interesting for the series. I get that the intended reading (or at least a rather common interpretation in the fandom) of his character is supposed to be that he's generally completed his redemption, but to me it feels like its still got a lot to cover, mostly because I don't think that it dug that deep into his mindset or really made him actually reevaluate Why he wanted to be a hero.

I'm not saying he didn't have a character arc, its just that what arc was there was very slow paced, and kinda makes it look painfully slower when you compare it to the constant escalation of the rest of the plot. In theory its an interesting look into how changing as a person comes slowly, but in practice there's really only so long I can stand watching some little dick waffle about on whether or not he should treat people with basic human decency when he's looking to take on a position of power.

Like yeah he starts to respect his classmates, but to me it feels more like that respect came solely from recognizing their power rather than realizing that everyone deserves respect. It would be a solid start to an improvement arc! But no, its at what a lot of people think to be is the peak of Bakugo's redemption.

Especially in regards to Midoriya. Everyone cheers on the fact that he now sees him as a rival and even finds joy in their competition, but it currently falls flat to me because. its just validating Bakugo's power-based worldview now that Midoriya has a quirk. like sure he respects his heroic skills but does he respect him as a person?

But now, if he's lost his quirk... He's going to have to fully confront How Exactly He Fucked Up. No rationalizing that someone deserves his respect because they're as powerful as him and can compete against him in a game he's gonna win! Its either he rethinks his entire worldview or he wallows in his own misery at being quirkless, and there's no way that the story will go the second route, especially if Midoriya's own quirklessness sticks.

And honestly? that would be the most fulfilling ending to his character to me. Bakugo not being a hero would probably piss a rather vocal portion of the fanbase off, especially if Midoriya pulls off becoming a quirkless hero, but it would be very satisfying to me in particular, so. Yeah.

(OOPS this got long. My bad. I just started typing and it just spilled out)

I mean. I wrote a 1300 word essay on the problems I have with Bakugou's character arc. And like I said, his dialogue is worded once again to place value in Midoriya's Quirk over him. Personally I was hoping that Bakugou would be the Quirkless Hero because it would be a poetic inversion of how the series started while also showing a mindset that doesn't put that kind of value into Quirks.

Bakugou has some really good moments. The Final War has done a lot of good with him and addressed most of the issues I've had with his character overall. But with Bakugou you never know when you're gonna get a moment where he, I dunno, spitballing here, overhears that Midoriya lost his Quirk and starts crying because they can't compete anymore. Or physically attacks Midoriya for slapstick comedy. Wouldn't that be a weird writing decision? Making a joke about how Bakugou still attacks Midoriya? Over 250 chapters in? That'd be fucking weird.

[hadesoftheladies]

"you are killing a baby"

i am killing a fetus, not an infant. an egg is not a chicken. potential is not actuality.

"you are murdering an innocent."

it doesn't matter who is innocent. a hungry lion may be innocent in wanting to eat me only because it is hungry and may not have the cognitive capacities to exercise something like restraint or conscience. that does not mean i should not defend myself from harm. it is still self-defense. all animals are expected to protect themselves first and foremost. you are just so used to the idea that women (especially mothers) are supposed to sacrifice their lives for their children in order to be good people--like they aren't human beings with self-preservation instincts.

harm equals anything that threatens the life or health of a person and pregnancy does both.

"your body was meant/designed to do this"

miscarriages are as natural as pregnancies. why do you think the placenta exists? pregnancy sickness? the female body can grow a person, yet also has resistance mechanisms for a pregnancy.

also, just because i have genes that make me a good runner doesn't mean i have to become a marathoner. like think for a second.

"what will the father think?"

women don't owe men or society themselves. i know that's very hard for you to grasp but there's no time like the present to start. there is no ethical way to make a woman a commodity or government assigned asset for reproduction or sex.

"the baby is conscious"

so is the lion in the hypothetical. also, that's debatable. also, what are your thoughts on veganism? since you care so much about the suffering of conscious beings (that is beings with selves)

"but animals aren't humans. they don't deserve the same rights as humans because of their lower cognitive capacities"

great. now apply this ethic to babies and mentally disabled people and then try to explain to me why that has to be different without mentioning how you feel or your religion. :)

"a baby has more potential than an animal."

okay, and why does that potential automatically mean better or more valuable? higher cognitive capacities haven't stopped wars and mass murders have they? (and i would argue that bringing a child into a violent world increases their chance of becoming unhealthy or complicit persons, so you can almost know what the character of your child will be like for certain based on where you're raising them).

"a baby has a soul"

there are two kinds of dualisms within christianity: thomistic and cartesian. cartesian dualism has gone out of fashion even amongst christian theologians and philosophers.

Substance dualism, or Cartesian dualism, most famously defended by René Descartes, argues that there are two kinds of foundation: mental and physical. Descartes states that the mental can exist outside of the body, and the body cannot think.

'Thomistic substance dualism' (TSD) centers around two beliefs: 1) the rational soul is an immaterial substance, and 2) this immaterial substance is the human person.

aside from the fact that both of these philosophies are rife with problems, I think thomistic dualism is the stronger of the two. the rational soul is, in a way, a word for the self.

regardless, both of these describe a self as a soul. so i'm just going to define a self.

The psychology of self is the study of either the cognitive and affective representation of one's identity or the subject of experience. The earliest formulation of the self in modern psychology forms the distinction between two elements I and me. The self as I, is the subjective knower. While, the self as Me, is the subject that is known.

a self is a centralized consciousness with their own memories, introspection and reflections. we know through neuroscience, psychology, behavioural science and sociology that a person or self is formed via experiences (where memories and impressions are gathered, how people learn), language and socialization (economy, history, family, culture) and possibly some genetic expressions (although i think this is more about capacity than actualization).

this is why things like dementia or alzheimer's are so scary and difficult. when a person loses memories, they lose aspects of themselves. when a person changes their environment, they also become different people (even while maintaining some similarities with their past selves).

this is mirrored in popular media, characters that lose their memories lose versions of themselves. this is also why, when you look at stories that feature a multiverse, the same character becomes a different person in different lives. in short, you are not born a person. you become one, and although your self remains singular and centralized (even with age), that self still changes. both the self and the people around the self create the self.

this is also why socially isolated individuals devolve and become mindless or sick (and even have reduced lifespan). certain higher human capacities like "conscience" or "empathy" can be socialized out of a human being, as well. i'd even go so far as to say that children begin conceptualizing themselves as individuals only when they begin to sense the presence of other human beings. they cannot conceptualize their own identity without the presence of other people. they probably don't know they are a self until they recognize other people and then realize they themselves are also people, and people are individuals.

legally a person is:

. . . an entity that the law recognises as having its own distinct personality. This usually means one that is able to act in its own right, and capable of possessing legal rights and liabilities, including individuals (or "natural persons") and corporate organisations.

my point is, how can a fetus with virtually no experiences (which born animals have), no language or skill (learned) to introspect or reflect (or abstract), possibly have a self? when they are not exposed to the outside world? certainly they have the capacity to develop a self, but as established earlier on, potential is not actuality. so legally and psychologically, a fetus is very likely not a person.

but we do not need this to be true to justify abortion regardless, because an innocent person is still causing harm, whether directly or indirectly. so the woman/girl has every right to resist.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I really admire the amount of thought you’ve put into understanding the core of both of these characters in canon. Even in your asks it really shines through how deeply you understand them and it makes your writing of them really next level. All of your clexas are so different but all somehow really ring true in a way. How do you decide how to develop/craft each of your clexas in a way that you feel stays true to the base of the original character in a way? Like, are there core characteristics or motivations you try to keep for either of them across any au? Or an element of their arc/development? I know all of your AUs vary wildly but I wanted to ask because it really comes through that you have thought deeply about what Clarke and lexa either would or wouldn’t do etc.

Ok well first of all, thank you 🥺 that's just an incredibly lovely thing to hear. Really, I've had a righ couple days and this was just such a nice thing to read, that you feel that way about these weird little stories 💕

As for your questions, stuff like this is always jard to answer because while I'd love to give some intelligent, big brained answer, the truth is I'm not entirely sure 😅

I tend to mostly just get an idea for a story and then it kind of... idk, it develops in my head in stages? And it's different every time with every story. I don't go into each story looking to purposefully focus on core elements or characteristics, but rather as the story comes together each character kinda - as absolutely pretentious as this sounds - tells me what parts of them fit best in the story?

For example, MBFW Lexa. Since I've been talking about her a lot lately. Once I knew that she'd be the Jules character, she kind of built herself around the attributes of being devoted and dependable, but jarringly unpredictable at times when she feels it is for greater good. She does things that she thinks are best even when they may hurt herself and other people, because in her mind she is ultimately making the right and rational choice (even if from an outside perspective that may not be true.) With MBFW Clarke, her loyalty and devotion are her driving forces, but also her stubbornness and ultimately her rash decision making when her emotions run high (you'll see 😏). Clarke will go through hell for the people she loves and she is a ride or die bitch, even in the face of her own heartache. That's what she does when she loves someone. So you get these two personalities together that have this intense and unshakable love, but it's one that's also a revolving door of missed opportunities, and staying silent even when they shouldn't for their own percieved thoughts of the greater good, and unwittingly hurting each other in the process. But the love is still there, always.

I guess overall in each fic I just try and go at it with the thought of, "What traits and quirks of themselves would these life experiences have developed most (i.e. moodiness, playfulness, stubbornness, standoffish, nurturing etc.) over the others that they had canon? And ultimately, what about those characteristics would make them love each other in this universe? Because they are still always themselves, even in different universes. And Clarke and Lexa, they love each other. They'll always love each other. But why this time? What about them would draw them together here? What pieces of themselves would connect in this situation? How do they compliment each other in this world?" And then it just builds itself from there.

If that makes sense?

[transsweet]

every time someone says scc are worthless characters in deltarune i feel my soul wither away more and more

[exoflash]

the only thing that irritates me as badly as new agers is western christians trying to explain away the spiritual with pseudoscience

[gaydri]

I know that everyone's saying kotoko isn't going down without a fight but... who exactly is she going to fight with? She's knows that it's literally impossible for her to harm Es, so I doubt she'd lash out like Amane. Like... do people think she's going to attack the innocent prisoners? The other guilty prisoners? Fuckin.. jackalope? Bc I'm ngl I'd pay to see her punt that creature

[saltwukong]

Bitches will literally tell you a story that they were the villain of.

[yuelun]

Have I stated that I love Guizhong (Haagentus) of Liyue yet today? Because I do, more than I can say in normal and coherent words. I don't know why adding 'of Liyue' got me feelings extra things, it's okay.

[torchickentacos]

anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.

[wikipedie]

Just getting stuff of my chest

Almost hate that we'll have a Training on The Scientific Personality Quiz ™ (Business Chemistry if anyone cares) because I took the quiz required by the job and now I'm obsessing over the fact I got Integrator higher than Guardian and I'm obsessed about being perceived a certain way and frankly _I don't know _ if I would've been better if I got it the other way around. This is all stupid and pointless, I am very much aware. But the trigger has activated: and now I feel just as unstable as when I used to take 10 Harry Potter quizzes and counting the results in excel just to see if I got Ravenclaw and being honest-to-god upset if someone called me anything else (but especially Hufflepuff since Hufflepuff fits me as well). Yes, it's a problem. Obviously. I'm well aware. I hate it. I'm obsessed with being perceived as smart or in any positive way mentally and it's very much exacerbated by quizzes or anything that shows it objectively. (Particularly if it doesn't show it as the FIRST result. That's how ridiculous I am.)

[theophagie-remade]

Extremely cringy that Symptoms get worse when they go ignored

[cetitan]

How intimidated do you think trans women on this site feel to even speak up about their being banned at all anymore after what the CEO did to predstrogen and the ways that staff has continued to allow administrative punishment of random trans women, who rightfully email staff asking why they got murked, who in response get an email typed by an actual human person waving their hand around going, ohh don't you recall? You were weird and sexually strange once. I know you know what you did. You've read our TOS. You know we have rules against being sexually strange. You are so naturally implicated in your own execution that we won't waste our breath even explaining why this happened to you. Don't worry, this wasn't random- this was premeditated by a real human person and we've all reached a rational conclusion together, us here at staff and what could have just been one spiteful person or an army of TERF Pinkertons, and we find your assuming of the latter to be quite disrespectful. Think of all the kind, compassionate people on staff who're wishing really really hard that this kind of stuff stops happening. Think about how sad they must be that you're saying all this mean stuff about them. They're just following orders!

[tofixtheshadows]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.

Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.

Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.

Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.

I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.

He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).

First, we get this:

Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.

They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.

It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.

We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.

What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?

He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.

In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.

Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!

...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.

Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.

And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.

I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.

And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.

Meals are the privilege of the living.

[xxlonelym00ng1rlxx]

"i'm probably way smarter than you" boy you completely lack emotional intelligence and have no comprehension of even the most basic psychology so i really doubt that but sure whatever makes you feel better