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#i don't give a shit where you stand on the issue but don't try to act like you have
appleblueberry-pie · 3 days
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Yandere Miles with a darling that knows his secret and doesn't know how to further proceed their relationship afterwards. Maybe they found out in one of the worst ways by finding him banged up from his encounter with a villain and decided to heal him, but in the process of this finds out who Miles is. But here is the thing, there was a strain happening in him and his Darling's relationship because of the lying ( and manipulation ) Miles would do when he tried to cover up the concerning behavior he was exhibiting. However the darling is smart enough to see through it and does not like it at all. So finding out he's Spider-Man was final block that put their relationship on hold. So what would Miles do on this hiatus that he and his darling his under? How would he react to it?
Are You Ever Truly Sorry?
Out of all times that he decided to show up at, it's when you're feeling like shit. And even then, he found a way to make it worse. You can't even brood on the edge of your bed in peace. You couldn't think about feeling like he was lying to you the entire time without him showing up, staining your mom's carpet with his blood. You couldn't sit here and cry when you felt most vulnerable when he drags himself through your winder in the cold dead silence of night, damn near looking like he's dying. You wished you could hate him.
Miles wants to leave. He doesn't like the look you're giving him. He has a million and one excuses on his tongue, but none would solve this issue like the truth would. Even when he shakes his head, when he groans in pain, unable to formulate words, you don't move. You just stare at him like he was the biggest mistake you've ever made. And he loves you too much to ask you why you could possibly feel that way, and crush his own heart.
Your name is on his tongue, his fingers reach out to you when you silently get up to find your medical kit, but no efforts reach you.
When you return, you take off all of his gear. His mask. His stained claws. His clothes. You drag his duffle bags into your room before closing your window to conserve heat.
You rip off what was stained to find the source and patch what you can to the best of your abilities. Your touches are soft and thoughtful, but he can't help but feel like he's ruined everything between the two of you. You can't even look him in the eye.
The tension was killing him and he had to break it. His cold fingers brush against your unharmed and warm cheek, softly brushing against it. "Mi todo,"(my everything) You slowly move away from his hand and shake your head, packing the stuff up that you took out.
Your face hardens, he can see you're deep in thought and wishes his burning body would do what he wants and cradle you in his arms. With a strained voice, attempting to stay silent, you calmly state, "I can't keep doing this with you."
Miles finally sits up and attempts to disagree with what you say, not wanting to know where you're going with that statement, but your hands are already shaking, your mind made up. You begin whisper yelling to him, praying your mom doesn't wake up. "Every day, you lie to my face, you tell me we gon' do shit to fix it, and it never happens. You try so fucking hard to make it seem like it's alright, but fucking look at this!!"
You storm back over to him and show him his own weapon. "Two years! Two fucking years of you just for yo ass to show up at my window dying." You drop his claw and wipe your face of the stray tears. Miles arms and legs scream at him as he attempts to stand, moving at a turtles pace. You've begin pacing back and forth, not knowing how to regulate your emotions. Your boyfriend is the Prowler, he's been lying to you like it's second nature, and your head hurts so damn bad.
Once Miles is on his feet, you're already in front of him. It's almost like a debate, the way you two go back and forth. "I can't date a fucking liar, Miles," You calmly whisper.
"I know, baby. But you gotta let me explain," He whispers back.
"I've heard enough. You've been lying through yo teeth on some gangster shit, and I don't want any part of it, okay?"
"It's not like that, mami, please-"
"Don't fucking do this right now, Miles. I saw what's in the bag, and I'm scared, okay?? I don't even know what the hell think of you right now."
You could see Miles begin to shake as well, but you damn well didn't expect his sputtering and the tears in his eyes. He aggressively wipes his face of the tears and a single harsh sob leaves his lips. "Y/n, please. Just- fuck, just let me stay, okay?" He takes a moment to swallow the ball of stress in his throat. "You ain't got shit to do with the bag or nothin I'm doing, baby. I wouldn't ever hurt you, ight? Shit. I just don't wanna lose you, too."
And it breaks your heart. Because you love Miles. And seeing him like this is the last thing you want for him. But you just....can't lie to yourself or let him lie to you anymore. At least, not until he gets himself together. Because whatever he's doing in those streets is tearing the both of you apart.
You don't look him in the eye and feel your own tears coming along. You hate how you let him wipe them away softly, you hate how you let him hug you, knowing he's in pain. You hate all of this.
"You not gon' lose me, Miles. I just...I want a break."
You said you needed a few months. He couldn't get you to specify how long that would be. Now he's almost always on edge.
He's trying to find a way to take at least a month off of his nightly crusades without leaving his city in shambles, but even Uncle Aaron is having trouble finding a reason for that to even happen. He can't know about you. So, he decides to keep his mouth shut and continue doing his job.
Miles decides to also stalk you after school since you two aren't together during that free time period anymore. And every day, he sees your features softening more and more. Was he really putting that much weight on your shoulders?
All this does for him is continue to make him feel like shit. He's done too much to you and doesn't deserve any of it. He has to make it up to you. Even though you two are apart, he knows that you know that you're his still at the end of the day. And that he's yours.
He tried not to get back in the habit of kidnapping the boys infesting your personal space at school, but once he noticed them piling back up at your locker like when you first started dating him, he knew he had to step in.
The good morning letters he used to slip in your lockers came back, but now you don't respond. He doesn't need you to, not when he sees that smile on your face when it falls into your hands.
The shy glances from across the hallway came back, and it's like freshman year all over again. You look better and better each day. If this break meant it will heal you, it will help him, too.
He will find a way to have you in his arms again, he's sure of it.
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daxite · 1 year
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i thought we realised that policing and chastising people for the media they consume (unless it is literally illegal, but i shouldn't even need to specify that) is fucking weird, invasive, achieves nothing and just makes you look like a gigantic twat lmao
#everyone knows exactly what this is about but i'm not specifying because i'll get lynched regardless#i don't give a shit where you stand on the issue but don't try to act like you have#any sort of moral highground over a literal fucking video game#unironically just touch grass there are bigger problems and better ways to handle them than doing this#you don't see anyone shrieking that people are godawful evil people for playing fucking blizzard games for example when they are literally#just as fucking bad as a certain author#'oh but what about the subjects in the game that are le bad?' buddy fucking all of the examples of 'the bad things' i've seen are absolute#fucking reaches or downright misinformation#but that's a whole other rabbit hole#if you want to make a fucking difference and genuinely care about the subjects involved then actually do something proactive about it#like volunteering or donating or actually partaking in /actual/ real fucking protests about these things#not telling people to kill themselves for playing a video game because it's just of a piece of media they enjoy regardless whether they#support the authors views or not lmfao#like news flash: most people buying it aren't even remotely fucking aware of any controversy#it isn't some weird 'character test' that i've seen people proclaiming#just fucking go outside please#i'll probably delete this later but god i'm so fucking tired of this shit man#there are better and bigger ways to handle the actual issues going on here#but this? it doesn't fucking matter and you aren't helping fucking anyone by trying to tear apart anyone who plays the fucking game#the only thing it's achieving is driving some potential 'allies' away because of how reactionary#and volatile everyone has been about this#like do you not fucking see this behaviour and not realise 'hmm maybe this is doing more harm than good?'#maybe try just fucking educating people and understanding that someone can separate the art from the artist#jesus christ#i'm so tired man#this is something i'd expect from a bunch of teenagers in 2015/2016 not mostly grown-ass adults#creature speak
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vbecker10 · 17 days
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Language (Part 1)
Part 2 (in progress)
Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)
Summary: Captain Rogers thinks you curse far too much at work so he came up with a way for each word to cost you fifty cents no matter where you are in the Tower. You are desperate for it to stop and go to Loki to see if he has a spell that can help you outsmart J.A.R.V.I.S.
Warnings: swearing lol... obviously?
A/N: I'm so sorry @soubi001 lol and you know why. I've been kicking this idea around in my head for a while because I'm very aware that I swear way more often than a normal person lol hope you enjoy it 💚
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You knock on Loki's door and wait anxiously for him to answer. A few seconds later, the door opens.
"Can I help you?" he asks you with his typical annoyed expression.
"I hope so," you respond. "Can I come in?" You take a step small forward.
"I don't see why that would be necessary," he crosses his arms and leans on the door frame, blocking your path into his room.
You sigh, "Fine, I guess I can show you my problem out here." He raises an eyebrow and waits for you to continue. "Damnit," you swear then look down.
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from your upcoming paycheck as you are in violation of SHIELD's Inappropriate Language Policy, per Captain Rogers' orders," J.A.R.V.I.S. announces from a speaker overhead. A small holographic screen appears next to you, showing your name and SHIELD photo ID at the top, the fifty cent charge in the center and a running total at the bottom.
Loki chuckles and shakes his head, "So the Captain finally made good on his threat."
"Yea. He thinks this high tech swear jar is going to stop me from cursing all the time but all it's doing is annoying the shit out of me," you complain to Loki.
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from your upcom-," J.A.R.V.I.S. announces again.
"Shut up," you tell the program, cutting the announcement short.
Loki smiles at your outburst then says, "What is it you expect me to do?"
"I have no idea honestly," you shrug. "Don't you have a spell for everything?"
"I have a spell for almost everything, yes," he says then he is quiet for a moment as if he is thinking. "I do think I may have a solution to your... issue." He waves his hand vaguely towards the speaker J.A.R.V.I.S spoke from.
"Really?" you ask excitedly. "That would be awesome." You thought it was going to be way harder than this to convince Loki to help you.
He leans towards you and looks you straight in the eyes. "Stop swearing," he says then he goes back in his room and closes his door in your face.
You stand in the hallway, looking at his door and mumble, "Fuck."
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from-"
"Shut the hell up!" you yell, cutting it off again.
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from your upcoming paycheck-"
"I know! I get it," you tell J.A.R.V.I.S. You can hear Loki laughing loudly through his door and you glare at him even though he can't see you. You turn, ready to give up then you suddenly get an idea. You walk close to the door and say, "Just so I know, it would really piss off Steve if I figure out a way to get around this. Tony too, he helped set it up."
He opens the door a second later and you do your best to hide your smile. "It would aggravate them wouldn't it?" he says almost to himself and you nod but try not to look too excited. He sighs and takes a step back to open the door further, "Very well. I think I might have a spell that could work."
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Loki closes the door and you stand awkwardly in the middle of his living area, unsure what to do. You've never been in his apartment before and as far as you know, no one else on the team has either. Loki isn't known for being a fan of having people in his personal space or of people in general.
You look around his living area. One wall is lined with tall, overflowing bookshelves and a leather couch is set against the other wall. A dark wood coffee table matches the end tables, one of which has a short stack of books and a steaming cup of tea. You walk over to the end table with the books and open the cover of the top book, assuming it's what Loki was reading before he opened the door.
"Sorry, I was just-" you suddenly feel nervous being alone with him, maybe this wasn't a good idea.
"Don't touch anything," Loki says from behind you and you close the book quickly, turning to see him standing closer then you expected.
"Sit," he motions towards the couch and you do as he tells you. You sit quietly on the middle of his couch with your hands on your lap, watching him search through the numerous books scattered about. While you wait, your mind wanders to a meeting yesterday morning with the team.
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You take a seat at the rectangular table across from Thor and Bruce, scrolling through your tablet to find the notes for this meeting. Natasha and Clint walk in, followed by Loki then Steve and Tony. Without a word, Steve places a glass jar that says 'Y/N's Swear Jar' on in it between you and Clint.
You look up at him as he sits. "Seriously Steve? I haven't said a damn thing yet," you tell him then groan when he gives you a disappointed look. You reach into your bag to find your wallet and drop in your last two quarters. "Happy?" you ask him as you sit back in your chair.
"I would be happier if you stopped using inappropriate language so frequently," he answers.
"I think the odds of my brother voluntarily attending one of Stark's parties is higher than Y/N giving up swearing," Thor jokes. Loki roll his eyes as his brother nudges him playfully.
You look at thor, "Did you know that people who swear lie less often then people who don't?" Thor shakes his head and you turn to look at Steve, "They've done studies that suggest that people who curse are more honest because they use fewer social filters when they are expressing their opinions."
"Is that true?" Clint leans towards you.
"I have no idea, I read it online," you whisper back.
"That may be, but it is still not appropriate for a work environment," Steve lectures you.
"I send out super professional emails, isn't that good enough?" you ask.
"No," he answers sternly.
"That's bullshit," you cross your arms and look at him. He doesn't say a word, simply looking from you to the jar and back at you. "Ugh, fine." You grab your wallet and take out a bill, "Does anyone have change for a five?"
"Just put the five in there," Fury says when he walks in. "We all know you'll use it today."
"Hurtful," you tell him but you fold up the bill and put it in the jar then you smile at Steve.
"I don't like that look," Tony says and Steve agrees.
"It's like prepaying for ten words," you laugh, "I just have to use the damn things well."
"Nine," Clint says.
"Ah shit," you look at him and Natasha laughs.
"Eight," he smiles.
"Good thing someone is keeping track," Bruce says.
"Is it ok with everyone if we start this damn the meeting now?" Fury asks annoyed from his seat at the head of the table.
"How come he doesn't get a jar?" you ask, leaning across the table towards Steve and pointing at Fury.
Tony laughs, "Believe me, Steve tried."
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Loki smirks as he looks up from one of his books, "This spell may help, it will render you utterly mute."
You stand up quickly, "Yea, no, fuck that."
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted-" J.A.R.V.I.S says.
"Oh, come the fuck on," you tell it and Loki laughs again.
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from your-" it repeats.
"Just forget it," you tell him. "You don't know how to help me anymore than anyone else did. Coming here was a waste."
You walk past him towards the door and he says, "Maybe you should ask for a raise."
"Thanks," you tell him in an annoyed tone and open his door.
He sighs loudly just as you step out into the hall. "Fine," he says and you turn to look at him. "I'll help."
"With another stupid suggestion?" you ask.
"No, I'm sure I have a spell here we could use," he tells you, gesturing towards his books.
"Why are you changing your mind?" you ask, unsure if you can trust him.
He shrugs, "Honestly I'm bored."
"Seriously?" you ask, crossing your arms.
"Were you hoping for a different reason?" he asks, crossing his arms to mirror your body language.
You unfold your arms, "I mean... yea. You could see least feel a little bad for me?"
"But I don't," he says with a light shrug.
"Oh... well I guess I'll take it," you tell him and close the door. He nods to acknowledge your decision but doesn't reply.
You sit on the couch while his focus returns to his books. You watch him pick up a hardcover book then put it back, taking the one next to it. He flips through the pages slowly and you ask, "Your not gonna turn me into frog or anything, right?"
He looks up at you confused.
"Thor said you've done that to him before," you explain.
He groans, "It was one time and we were children."
"I'm just checking. I don't know how any of this works," you tell him.
"Clearly," he rolls his eyes and goes back to his book. He looks up again and adds, "If I wanted to turn you into a frog I would have done so already."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" you ask.
"Yes," he says matter of factly then he goes back to reading.
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You try to get comfortable on Loki's couch but you can't seem to relax, you are afraid to touch anything including the pillows. After a few minutes of silence he sits next to you and you shift away from him a bit. He doesn't seem to notice your reaction and hands you the open book.
"Read this," he says.
"It's in Spanish," you tell him.
"Very observant," Loki nods.
"I can't read this. I took three years of Spanish in high school but it didn't really stick," you explain.
"Humans are so dull without the Allspeak," he mumbles.
"Do you always need to be annoying?" you ask him.
"No," he smiles at you.
"What was your point with the book?" you ask, trying to get back on track.
"I will explain after. Read this part," he points to a specific paragraph.
You give the short paragraph your best attempt. Based on the way Loki flinches at how you pronounce almost every word, you assume you did awful. J.A.R.V.I.S remains silent so you ask Loki what you said.
He smirks, "Something that should have cost you more than a few dollars."
"Really?" you ask and look back at the book. You grab your phone and use it to translate the text. Your eyes go wide at the excessive swearing and insults the character uses to describe another character. "Wow," you laugh, "You weren't kidding."
"Now that you know what it means, try it again," he suggests.
You read it again, your pronunciation still off but when you finish J.A.R.V.I.S charges you for eight words. Loki laughs and you look at him annoyed, "Great, thanks. That was annoyingly useless."
"I thought it was funny," he smiles. "And it wasn't useless. Now we know that it only works if you know what you are saying."
"You're an ass," you tell him.
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from-" the program repeats.
"You owe me $4.50," you cross your arms and lean back on the couch.
He waves his hand and a five dollar bill appears between his fingers. He hands it to you, "I'm sure you'll use the other word soon enough. I want to try one more thing."
"I don't think I trust you anymore," you say, putting the money in your pocket.
"I didn't think you trusted me in the first place," he says.
"I... yea, that's a good point," you tell him.
"Here," he conjures a small notepad and pen before handing them to you.
"Where do you keep this stuff?" you ask looking at the objects.
"A pocket dimension," he explains.
"Right, sure, super normal," you laugh. "What the hell am I doing with this?"
"Y/N, fifty cents has been deducted from your upcoming-"
You groan and put your hand over your face.
Loki smiles and says, "I honesty thought you would keep those fifty cents a few seconds longer."
"You know, no one likes you right," you tell him in response.
"And I am truly devastated by that," he says, putting his hand over his heart.
"Whatever," you roll your eyes. "What do you want me to do with this?" You hold up the pen and notepad.
"I'm looking for a loophole," he says. "Go ahead, write some of your favorites."
You sigh and write a word but nothing happens. You write another and still nothing.
"Interesting," he says then J.A.R.V.I.S activates. "What did you do?" You hold up the notepad and he smirks as he read it. "Well now that's rude," he says, shaking his head.
"It's accurate," you smile then cross out what you wrote.
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"Do you eat pizza?" you ask.
Loki looks up from the book he is reading as he stands in front of the bookcase. "What?"
"Pizza," you repeat.
"Yes, why?" he furrows his brow.
"Its 8:30, I'm ordering food," you tell him. "I came here right after work so I missed dinner."
"No," he says and goes back to his book.
"What do you mean, no?" you ask, looking up from your favorite delivery app.
"I've heard humans are like stray animals, if you feed them, they return," he says.
He sighs but doesn't argue, putting another book in the pile of what you imagine are useless books.
You laugh, "First off, who told you that? And Secondly, if I'm ordering the food, technically that would make you the pet I'm feeding."
"What do you want on it?" you ask him. "Pepperoni, veggies, or are you one of those weird pineapple people?"
"Cheese is fine," he mumbles.
"One cheese pizza it is," you say, ordering from a place nearby. "It'll be here in half an hour," you tell him.
"Wonderful," he says without a smile. "I was so hoping you would be here all night."
"You can always tell me to leave," you say getting up from the couch.
He looks over at you and says, "I could but I won't."
You sit back down, "Okay, I really need to ask... why are you doing this?"
"I'm bored," he answers with a shrug.
"You said that before," you tell him.
"Because that is the answer," he insists but for some reason you don't believe him. You feel like there is more to it but you can't figure it out.
"I thought you were supposed to be good at lying, being the God of Lies and whatever," you say.
"I am the God of Lies and Mischief, not whatever," he corrects you. "And I am not lying. Why else would I want to help you?"
"Because you like me?" you smile and he scoffs. "You have to admit, I'm pretty awesome."
"I do not," he says but you see a hint of a smile on his lips. "Now, will you please be quiet and let me think."
"Can do," you give him a thumbs up.
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You put the pizza box on the coffee table and he sits next to you. "You owe me for half," you say. Before you can tell him how much it is he flicks his wrist and a brown leather wallet appears in his hand. He opens it, takes out a twenty dollar bill and gives it to you. "Wait," you say before he makes it vanish again. "Is that Thor's wallet?"
"Hmm," he opens it. "It would appear so."
"He's been looking for that for like a week," you laugh.
"I'm aware of that," Loki responds.
"Of course you are," you shake your head.
"Do you want to money or not?" he reaches to take the bill back from you.
You pull it away from him and put it in your pocket. "I'm going broke from this fucking thing," you tell him as J.A.R.V.I.S activates again.
"Ah damnit, I forgot to ask for plates," you say, ignoring J.A.R.V.I.S. Loki holds out his hand and two plates appear. "I've got to admit, you are pretty useful," you tell him. He smiles but then you add, "You would be more useful if you could fix my stupid problem though."
"I already told you the easy way is to just stop swearing," he takes a slice.
"That's no fun though," you tell him. "Plus, I really don't want Steve to win."
"What do you mean?" he asks.
You shrug, "Sometimes I do it more when he's around cause I know how much it bothers him."
He laughs, "I can appreciate that type of attitude."
"I thought you might," you smile. "So any progress with the massive pile of books or am I fucked?"
He looks up mid-bite and J.A.R.V.I.S goes off again. "I have not given up yet," he tells you but his attention is focused on the screen that popped up. "Do that again," he says. You sigh, and he flicks his wrist, putting another five dollar bill on the table between you.
"Fuck," you say and the screen appears again with J.A.R.V.I.S 's announcement.
"I'm sorry, the total says $47," he sounds shocked and you cringe. "I thought you said they only turned it on at noon."
"Yea," you take a bite of your pizza.
"You have said 94 swear words since noon," he says.
"Apparently," you shrug but he continues to look at you so you put your food down on the table. "When Steve and Tony first told me about it I was kinda pissed," you admit. "I might have lost a few bucks before I left Tony's office."
He tries not to laugh, keeping his hand over his mouth while you talk.
"Then I went back to my office to try out a few things," you tell him.
"Like what?" he asks.
You take a list out of your pocket and hand it to him. "What counts and what doesn't," you say. "Some words only count in a specific context so there's that."
"That still doesn't account for all of this," he says.
You shake your head, "I wanted to see how far it reached outside of the Tower." You sigh, "It's about half a block in all directions."
He laughs, "I imagine you were quite a sight trying to figure that out."
You laugh too, "You would think so but this is New York. I don't think anyone noticed the weird woman cursing every few feet, followed around by a hologram yelling at her."
"This city truly is very odd," he agrees.
"And yet, you still tried to take it over a few years ago," you shrug and take a bite of pizza.
"Technically, I was trying to take over your whole planet," he reminds you.
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"That's not better," you tell him and he shrugs.
"I found a few spells I would like to try when we finish eating," he changes the topic a moment later.
"Think one of them will work?" you ask hopefully.
"I certainly hope so," he says. "Of course, I could accidently turn you into a frog if something goes wrong."
"That's not funny," you tell him.
"I wasn't joking," he smirks.
I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!
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filmbyjy · 11 months
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ARE WE REALLY ENEMIES?
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PAIRING: enhypen x fem!reader
GENRE: enemies to lovers trope. angst & fluff
WARNING: a little suggestive on some parts for the hyung line. mentions of throwing up on jake’s part (no, the reader is not pregnant)
WORD COUNT: 10.2K words (because what the shit)
a/n: i wanted to write this for fun but i really also love the concept of enemies to lovers. let me know if you'd like me to turn any of these into actual full fics!
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— placing this in case the read more messes up —
⭐️ LEE HEESEUNG
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PAIRING: basketball star player!heeseung x manager!reader
it was tormenting to have someone constantly annoy you during class, lunch and basically the whole day. you have never wanted to choke someone alive until you entered the first year of high school.
the said person you'd like to choke alive was named lee heeseung. you swore on your life that he was actually satan in disguise out to torture you.
like any other day, you were about to settle down on your seat. only problem was that, you develop a huge trust issue before you settled down. you see, since heeseung has decided to devote his time to ruin your life...it meant he liked to pull pranks on you. well, pranks was something he'd say but you'd say it's more of a punishment in some way.
your 'favourite prank' heeseung did was the water bucket trick where he placed the bucket of water on top of the door. you went home with soaking wet hair by the way. it got you so mad that you gave heeseung the silent treatment the day after and he did not like it. he kept annoying you the whole day by trying to get your attention.
other than him being your enemy, he was also the resident hot guy or popular boy of your school. which meant, yes, there were girls constantly around him. he played basketball and had joined the school's team quickly due to his talent and height. you cursed him because he also loved to make fun of your height.
since heeseung was on the school's team, they consistently win games against other schools. it wasn't much of surprise since they also had other great players like sim jaeyun or nishimura riki for example. the team was just great from the start. you just so happen to have the 'pleasure' of being the team's assistant manager which was why...
"babe, pass the bottle of water." heeseung demands.
you rolled your eyes, "since when was i your little water boy? also would you quit calling me babe?"
"no, I won’t stop and since you became the assistant manager. now, pass me a bottle."
you grumbled and shoved a bottle into his hand before settling down on the bench. jake slides next to you and throws his arm around you.
"pretty, could you help me?" jake pouts.
"yes, sim?”
"i need a patch on my neck, it's hurting."
you sighed, "do you need a massage or something?"
"yes please." he gives his little puppy eyes.
"turn around-"
heeseung grabs jake's arm and pulls him away. jake whines. you shook your head and just went to check their training and match schedules. training went as per usual, you knew you had to stay until the boys left so you sat down on the bleachers waiting for them to come back to the hall.
"everyone here?" the coach asks. the boys looked amongst themselves.
"heeseung isn't here."
"where is our star player?"
"i think he is still in the showers."
"well, someone go get him."
"the thing is...he won't come out unless (name) drags him out."
you pointed at yourself, "me? you want me to go into the boy's shower room? what if he's naked. i am not risking that chance."
"(name), i am so sorry but since heeseung won't go out if you don't drag him...could you-" you groaned at the coach's words.
"fine, i'll go. only because everyone here needs rest and get home." you say. you entered the locker room.
"yah, lee. you better get out here now. everyone is waiting for you."
“lee heeseung?” you called out once more.
but you don’t hear any shower turned on. you could feel someone standing right behind you before arms wrapped around you. you gasp and turned back to the person.
of course, it was heeseung with that stupid (ly handsome) smirk. you rolled your eyes.
“get changed and get back to the court. everyone is waiting for you.” you were ready to walk out but heeseung tugs your wrist and pulls you back.
“let’s go out together, pretty.”
“I am not waiting for you to change. you’re only wearing a towel. do you even have underwear on under that?”
“wanna find out?” he smirks. you pushed him a little.
“no thanks. wouldn’t like to see something that has been inside someone else.” you said in disgust.
“then would you like to reset it by putting it in you?” he steps forward.
you gagged, “no thanks, lee.”
he chuckles before deciding to change his clothes. your eyes unknowingly trailed on his arms, his back, just his body in general. you caught yourself and blushed before looking away. however, heeseung knew you were blatantly staring at him. which was why he had a smirk playing on his lips as he changes.
“alright, i’m done.” he swings his arm around your shoulder. you rolled your eyes and pushed it off before walking off.
that was simply the dynamic of the both of you. however, you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t attracted to him. heeseung was an attractive guy with a shitty personality which you somehow fell in love with. you hated that you developed this stupid teen crush on heeseung.
“coach? we need to talk.” you say.
“what’s up?”
“there is going to be an issue if we play minjun in the starting line up.”
“what’s wrong?”
“he umm got into a fight.”
the coach sighs, “fine, then who could we replace him with?”
“siwoo. however, as you know…heeseung and him kinda have a hostile history.”
“right. maybe we could change up the usual tactic we use. think we should put heeseung on the bench first?”
“it’s possible but the consequences is that it may be risky. our opponents this time are really scary and only heeseung could handle them.”
“what do you think, (name)? should we take the risk?”
“I think we should.”
you wished you hadn’t mutter those words. now, heeseung was giving you those stanky eyes as you went with your day. you opened your locker to put some stuff but it was abruptly shut.
“I’ll cut to the chase. why am I benched for the first quarter of the tournament?” heeseung says.
“minjun got into a fight. we need to change the tactic, I think it’s better to let this opponent not expect the change.”
“bullshit, you know it’s best to keep the same tactic. we play the best when i’m not benched.”
you turned to face heeseung, “then would rather play with siwoo the whole time?”
“I would rather he doesn’t play at all.”
“then too bad, it’s best for you to not play in the first quarter.”
“but (name).”
“heeseung.” he stops. “please, just listen to me this once. these opponents are not just your regular playtoys that you can beat. they are higher level and I just-” you paused.
“forget it. just please listen to me. don’t complain anymore.” you say. heeseung stands there stunned as he watches you leave.
match day. it was the most extreme match that Decelis Academy had played. even jake was getting worn out. both you and your coach had decided to keep heeseung on the bench for longer. heeseung was itching to play but you knew if he went in now, he’d get hurt.
that’s right. you decided to change the whole thing because you were afraid of heeseung getting hurt. you didn’t want to admit it but you cared about him a lot more than it seems. your coach subs in people after people, none that were heeseung. it was the 3rd quarter of the game.
you were checking up on the tactics and calculated everything. finally, an idea popped into your head as you spot an opportunity. you whispered to the referee and told them to sub in heeseung. you waited until the ball was out. before that, you settled next to heeseung. he never once talked to you during the match.
“we are letting you play.” you say. heeseung turns to you.
“after the first half? you promised me after 1 quarter.” he scoffs.
“heeseung, didn’t you see nishimura get annihilated by the opponents?”
“so? we could be winning by now if I played 30 minutes ago.”
you clenched your fist, “I didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“oh really? would you care that much if I get hurt? we aren’t exactly on the best terms.”
“would you believe me if I said yes? that I care if you get hurt? because I do.” your eyes was glossy. you held back any tears that were about to fall.
“just shut the fuck up.” heeseung says before stands up and gets ready to be subbed in. you let out the breath you were holding. a tear slips out and you wiped it away.
as heeseung gets subs in, you excused yourself and left the hall. you walked over to the school’s garden and settled on the bench. you didn’t know why you even cared. why was it so hard for you to take the hint that heeseung hated you. maybe you should have just let him play.
you wiped the last tears that strayed on your cheeks and went back to the game. you had to watch and review the match. however, it was hard to watch it while heeseung played. thankfully, the match ends.
once again, Decelis Academy wins with ease with heeseung being the top scorer of the match. the whole time as the their coach debriefs, heeseung stares at you. you ignored it.
“all right, good job boys!”
“coach lets get something to eat! after all, we couldn’t have done it without you and manager (name)!” yunho says.
the coach turns to you, “would you like to have dinner with the team?”
you smiled weakly before shaking your head, “you guys go ahead. I don’t feel too well. enjoy, oh and send pictures in the groupchat.”
“aww come on, noona.” ni-ki pouts. “it wouldn’t be fun without you.”
“i’m sorry ni-ki, I wish I could go.”
“aww okay, noona. oh and thank you for helping with this!” ni-ki points to the bandaged up knee. you smiled.
“any time, your legs were bleeding. why wouldn’t I patch that up.” you grabbed your bag. “anyways, I have to leave now. see you guys.” you waved.
the boys waved back. you left the place.
“(name).” heeseung calls out. you didn’t look back. he grabs your wrist.
“let go.”
“did you really mean what you said back then?”
“why? so you can think it’s a lie again?” you turned back to him. “look, just cause we are enemies or on bad terms doesn’t mean I can forget my human morals and let you get injured. i’m the manager for a reason. I help out the coach and I make decisions. the coach is just there to advise things.”
“are you sure it’s just your morals?”
“heeseung, I don’t know what you’re going on about but can you please let me go? I want to go home.”
“do you love me, (name)?”
your heart drops to the pit of your stomach. you felt those feelings coming back to you like a waterfall. it was dumped onto you. feelings that you want to push back because it didn’t feel right.
“I don’t love you, lee.”
“you’re lying.”
“and who are you to validate my feelings? like you said, we aren’t on the best terms.”
“because I know you love me.”
you scoffed, “an utter bullshit. I don’t love you.”
“baby.”
“heeseung, just let me go. before I scream.” your voice wavered. you could feel yourself about to cry.
heeseung doesn’t let you go. instead, he presses his lips against yours. you shut your eyes and felt the hot tears rolling down your eyes. heeseung reaches up to wipe it away as he focuses on kissing you.
he pulls away. his fingers caressing your cheek softly. though no words were exchanged, the both of you knew that this was something you would have to have a serious talk about. for now, you would rather have heeseung in your arms, holding you tight.
⭐️ PARK JONGSEONG
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PAIRING: CEO!jay x manager!reader / you are pretty stubborn here and jay is an ass here.
you remembered that cursed smirk. the way he carried himself around as he gloats at the fact that he gets better scores than you. it didn’t help the fact that years later, you’d be working under him.
he constantly made your life harder. other employees may praise him but you cursed him.
“ah, CEO park? oh he is sooooo handsome! he even gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day!”
“oh! you’re right! he gave all the lady staff flowers. roses to be exact. he is such a romantic guy!”
you could gag every time they praised him. you didn’t even get a single rose from him. you got some flower called heliotrope.
‘heliotrope: eternal love, devotion’ what joke was he pulling? was he making fun of you for being single? for being a virgin?
you slammed the bouquet down into the trash can startling the two ladies who were talking. you turned to them with a fake smile.
“it’s work hours, don’t you think you should be focusing on your work?” you threw daggers through your eyes at them. they gulped and nodded before focusing on their work. you sighed.
you felt a tap on your shoulder and so you turned to the person.
“what’s with the frown on Valentine’s Day? did jay not give you head or something?” jake teases. you grit your teeth and hit him. jake winces and pouts.
“could hand this to jay?” you gave jake a resignation letter.
“well, jay is kinda busy with-” you grabbed jake’s collar and the boy gasps.
“I don’t care, this letter better reach him. I am fucking done with his antics. i am going to grow white hair if i continue working here and it doesn’t help that he keeps making my job extra hard.”
jake nods and you let his collar go, “you may leave.” jake runs away. you groaned and massaged your temple. later on in the evening, jake hands you back the same letter.
“where is he, now?”
“in his office but wait-”
you got up from your seat and went straight to his office. you burst into his room and were caught off guard by how jay quite literally has a girl on his lap and they were making out.
“well well well, seems like this is what you’ve been doing during work hours.” you folded your arms.
jay rolls his eyes and pecks the girl’s cheek before whispering something to her. she gets up and walks out, not forgetting to give you stank eye. you rolled your eyes.
“why are you here? can’t you see I was busy? or did you come here to do some unsolicited activities too.” jay smirks.
“with you? in your dreams, park.”
jake runs in, “jay, i’m so sorry.” jay waves jake off. the boy pouts and leaves.
“why are you here then?”
you threw the letter at him, “I gave you this letter but jake came back with it.”
“I don’t approve of you leaving.”
“what kind of person doesn’t allow some who wants to resign leave?”
“you have no reason leave. hence, I didn’t approve it.”
“you don’t make any sense. I have every right to leave, you are the reason.”
“and I am the CEO, I can disapprove of you resigning. besides, shouldn’t you be happy I gave you the manager position?”
“I didn’t want to just be promoted unfairly. you manipulated this.”
“I didn’t, I think you quite fit the manager position.”
“sure, think however you’d like but I am resigning from this job.” you left his office and went back to your own.
you grabbed a box and threw your things in. jay walks in.
“(name). what are you doing?”
“packing because I said I would resign.”
“I already told you that I am not letting you leave.”
you slammed the box, “look here fuckboy. if I said I would leave, i will. moreover, I am done with you. you’ve tormented me since high school, you’ve bullied me through college. do you know how much I hated to hear my own mother comparing me to you?”
jay keeps quiet. you grabbed the flowers and pushed it back to him.
“keep this and give this to that girl you’ve been making out with. i don’t know what you were thinking for mocking my non-existent love life and that i’m a virgin but it’s not funny.”
“I wasn’t mocking you for being a virgin.” jay says.
“oh really? giving me a heliotrope? when it means eternal love and devotion. why would you give that to me when you don’t like me? oh and even if you did, why would you kiss another girl? what kind of sicko does that?”
“(name).”
“just fuck off.” you say. jay keeps his mouth shut and leaves your office. you sat back on your chair and choked up. that was a lot that you dumped on him but it was the truth. you had enough of everything and you wanted to just leave in peace.
once you were done, you carried the boxes out. everyone quietly watches you. you placed the boxes into your car trunk. you noticed jay walked towards you.
"what else do you want-" you gasp when he throws you over his shoulder. "yah! what are you doing! put me down!"
jay does not put you down, rather he carries you back into the building. you smacked his back a bunch of times and flailed in his arms. everyone was staring at the both of you but it wasn't a surprise, this sort of thing happened occasionally. everyone knew you and jay had some sort of hatred for each other.
jay only ever puts you down once he arrives at his office (which was a distance from the entrance of the huge building). once he places you down, he traps you in between his desk and himself. you fold your arms.
"you're really stubborn, huh?" you spat out. jay smirks.
"baby, you really think i'd give up on you?"
you rolled your eyes, "mr.park, it's work hours. what you're doing is workplace harassment."
he snickers before leaning more forward. you could feel your heartbeat quicken. jay lightly places pecks on your neck.
"really? it's not exactly one if you aren't moving away from it." you moved away from it a little since he pecked somewhere ticklish. you stared right into his eyes.
"don't leave." jay says.
"why? haven't you already had your fun with me all throughout high school and college?"
"(name), that's not what i meant. i don't want you to leave not to hurt you even more. i don't want you to leave because i need you."
"what? your last mission before i leave is to take my virginity?"
jay sighs, "no. that's not what i meant too. i like you, alright?"
"then why go makeout with a girl when you like me?" you fold your arms.
"because i'm stupid, alright?"
"great to know that you think so too." you watched his eyes turn dark.
"you're a brat, do you know that?" jay says.
"you pushed me to be like this. i'm force to defend myself every time you speak to me."
jay grumbles, "well i confessed to you. do you like me?"
"well, i can't possibly like someone who has tortured me for the past years." jay huffs. "but i wouldn't lie and said you've made my heart leap a couple of times."
"so...?"
"i do like you too. that was just sarcasm."
jay pulls you into a hug, his arms tight on your waist. you felt your heart race quicker.
“I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” he whispers.
⭐️ SIM JAEYUN
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PAIRING: academic rival! jake
studies was everything to you. it was a validation to get your parents to even stare at you in the face. you see, your parents never cared about you. they only cared about the red marks that displayed the total marks and the leaderboard amongst the whole cohort.
you were doing well until a certain brown haired boy came into the picture. everything was daises and glitter, all according to normal but it all quickly disappeared when everyone was in awe by the new student. the new student was like a new shiny object that people loved to stare at.
there was no denying the boy was blessed with good looks but his attitude. god, you have never wanted to strangle someone to death more than ever. jake sim, the epitome of every male lead rom-com. too bad, he wasn’t the main lead in your little drama, rather the villain in your chapter.
— “eeeekkkk jake sim is sooooo cute!!! did you see his latest Instagram with his dog?”
layla. everyone knew about his dog, he loved boasting about his puppy. you must admit though, she is an adorable puppy. her owner however…you’d kill him if you could.
“what’s so special about him?” you questioned.
“that i’m better than you.”
that annoying buzzing voice
you rolled your eyes before turning to face the boy. “god, do you ever just have some humbleness in you?”
“aww that wouldn’t be fun if I was humble with my academics.” jake pouts
“it would be for me so I don’t need to hear your annoying ass voice.” you growled. jake laughs.
“cutie, you try too hard. maybe you should get laid or something. I wouldn’t be opposed to help of course.” you shoved him.
“in your dreams, sim.” jake chuckles.
“would love if you were in my dreams, cutie.” he winks. you gagged.
typical morning. it was the usual and students definitely knew of the rivalry.
— “they’d probably make a cute couple.”
— “I’d say they are probably fucking behind the scenes. I mean, smart people need to blow out the stress weighted on them. right? what better way than to help each other!”
— “I heard jake had a crush on (name) but due to the rivalry, he keeps it hidden!”
complete utter bullshit when you heard the last comment. there was no way, the devil’s son would find you attractive in any way. he literally goes out his way to annoy you. it kept you up at night to even imagine his-
stupidly handsome face…
his stupid handsome, sexy ass, nice body-
no. keep it together. he is your rival. he is your enemy. he annoys the fuck out of you and you hate it. you hate him. there was no way you like him….
and then came the 2nd devil reincarnated into a form of the most beautiful girl. her name was…
“hi, my name is ji-ah.” she says as she holds out a hand. you skeptically shake it because why in the world would a pretty girl like her want to be your friend. there must be a reason.
the said reason: sim jaeyun
yup, the only reason why ji-ah became your ‘friend’ was to get with jake. it’s not like you were jealous.
“you’re funny jake!” she smacks his arm. jake blushes and bashfully smiles.
you could feel the blood raging in you. now what was this feeling? surely, you weren’t jealous. it was impossible.
but alas, jake sim made the impossible, possible. you had feelings for jake. it took you a singular day to figure out. props to you being the smartest student, I guess? however, with jake being entertained by the pretty girl. you couldn’t do much.
so you stopped reciprocate his small little teases. you don’t roll your eyes anymore and instead choose to walk away or ignore him. at first, it made jake stunned but he soon learnt to shrug it off and went about his day. his day being filled with ji-ah. which meant, it wasn’t a surprise to hear they started dating.
however, your heart aches. you want the old jake back, the one who would tease you and flirt with you. now, he doesn’t even talk to you. you were sad. exams made your feelings 10 times worse. you felt your body wanting to shut down on you as you continued to study late at night.
you woke up to find yourself on your study table, the lamp still turned on and you were laying on the math paper you were working on. you felt horrible. it was like you got ran over by a truck or something. you still went to school though. only this time instead of looking so enthusiastic, you had covered yourself with a hood.
during break time, you didn’t feel like eating so you laid your head on the desk and fell asleep. the next time you woke up, the teacher had knocked on your desk. you apologised and asked to go to the bathroom. however, you couldn’t make it to the bathroom when suddenly, your legs gave up on you. you fell to the ground and blacked out.
when you woke up again, you realised you were in the school’s infirmary. you sat up but felt like the room was spinning so you laid back down. the curtain pulls back and jake appears.
“you’re awake.” he says.
“why are you here.” the tone sounding a little too harsh and you nearly winced at it.
“I brought you here because you fainted.”
“you have no reason to stay here.”
“I have every reason to stay here.”
“you have a girlfriend. you should go to her.”
“we broke up.”
“I don’t care.” you say. you try to sit up again but couldn’t because you felt like throwing up.
“have this, I know you have not eaten yet.”
“how do you know?”
“because i saw you sleeping. you didn’t have lunch.”
“was that before or after you broke up.”
“I thought you said you didn’t care?” he teases. you don’t even have the energy to roll your eyes. your lips felt numb, you must look horrible. “let’s get you home.”
“no. it’s fine, i need to study. let’s get back to class.”
“you’re sick.”
“and? that doesn’t stop me from getting higher marks then you.”
“your health is more important.”
“my life depends on my grades so let me get back to class.” you tried to stand up once again but jake doesn’t let you.
“I don’t care if you get higher marks then me. I just want you to be healthy.” jake says.
“and why do you care?”
“because I like you.”
it went completely silent. not a single sound except for the ringing at your ears.
“you what?” that’s before you hurled into a bucket nearby. jake pats your back trying to soothe you as you threw up. he hands you a tissue so you could wipe your mouth. he then hands you a juice box so you could have some energy.
“I like you a lot.”
“but don’t you hate me?”
“hate you? I could never.” jake says.
“then why do always attempt to ruin me? why do you go through the troubles of making my life miserable?”
“are grades that really important to you?”
you sighed, “not exactly but my parents they-”
“only care about your grades? (name), my parents are exactly like that.”
“so?”
“why don’t we date and rebel against our parents together? it’s best thing we could do. they can’t control our lives and what we want.”
“jake…”
he leans in and you covered your lips, “yah, I threw up. what are you trying to do?”
he smirks, “did you think I was going to kiss you or something?” you smacked him.
“shut up.” he notices the tips of your ears turning red and smiles.
“how about I take you home and take care of you, hmm?”
“but my mom is home.”
“oh so you’re not opposing of me taking care of you?”
“jake, I swear to god.”
“come on now, baby. I gotta nurse my girlfriend back to health!!”
he picks you up and you wanted to disappear from the plane of the earth but I guess at least you got jake.
⭐️ PARK SUNGHOON
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PAIRING: childhood enemy! sunghoon / roommates au! / one-sided hatred
i'm sure everyone had their fair share of people they hated for no reason when they were younger. however, this wasn't the case for you. you had a reason to hate park sunghoon. he was the worst. what exactly was the reason for you to hate the boy? he ruined your favourite barbie doll. moreover, that barbie doll was the one your late mother gave you before she passed on due to a mystery illness.
you vowed to never chat with him. you prayed to never see him when you started middle school.
alas, the universe cursed you and you saw park sunghoon every grade you moved onto. you remembered the stupid glasses that adorned his face. the annoying laugh that would surround the hallway as he laughed with his friends. after graduating from middle school, you prayed once again to never want to see sunghoon.
it didn't work as you know. you saw him again. you suffered through his teasing for many more years in high school. then college came. as what you knew, sunghoon was going to choose a different college from you and you were happy.
but why was he standing in the same living room as you?
"what the fuck are you doing here?" you say. a smirk slowly adorns his face.
"well, well. fancy seeing you, princess." sunghoon smirks.
since you didn't see sunghoon at the last day of high school graduation, you had not seen him for months. it was a surprise to you to see the boy had changed...a lot. he was a complete heartthrob but that didn't mean you'd fall for him.
you rolled your eyes, "why are you here? i thought you wanted to go to some sports college with your ice skating girlfriend?"
"high school sweethearts don't always last. besides, i planned to make a better and stable living. ice skating isn't a guaranteed success. once i reach 30, i'll be thrown to the side anyways. they only focus on younger talents."
you were staring at him as if he was insane. when did he get so matured? it's only been like 5 months since high school ended. how could he change that much?
"i don't know what happened to you fooling around but i'm sure you'll easily find a girlfriend here. they'll definitely like the little passionate talk you gave me just now." you grabbed the box on the floor. "guess we are roommates. don't talk to me and just pretend i'm not here."
you left and went to the empty bedroom. there were 2 other bedrooms which meant there were probably two other housemates/roommates living in the same dorm. it didn't surprise you to see another guy and girl show up. from what you heard, sunghoon and the guy knew each other. guess they warmed up during the orientation that you didn't go to.
"hi, i'm byeol." she holds out her hand. you smiled and shook it.
"i'm (name)."
"oh, i heard. sunghoon said that you and him knew each other back then. he said something about being high school lovers?" you pinched the bridge of your nose at her words and sighed.
"sunghoon is wrong. we-" you paused. did sunghoon even hate you? it felt really one-sided. whatever. "we hate each other."
"really? cause it seems like sunghoon looked really happy to talk about you."
"gross. me and sunghoon could never be a couple."
“oh really? that’s great…”
“great?” you tilt your head.
“I think I might start crushing on sunghoon. he is so good looking.” byeol shyly says.
“that’s good for you.” you say. however, you can’t help but sense something off. it felt…weird. you just brushed it off though.
“think you could help me? you know him the best since you’ve known him for so long.”
“uhh sure? but like I said, me and him are enemies-”
“yeah but you’ve known him for soooo long surely you’d realise little things right?” byeol pouts.
“well no-”
“great! you’ll help me. thank you!!” byeol skips to her bedroom afterwards.
god, she’s insane…
and she truly was. when she first moved in, you thought that maybe…just maybe you’d have a friend that didn’t fall in love with sunghoon but unfortunately, luck was never on your side. to make matters worse, byeol always tries to play the cutesy card. using aeygo at any given chance with sunghoon. you were surprised he even put up with her. maybe he likes her…
*snap* *snap* “earth to (name). hey, we need to continue with the project.” jake says.
“fuck, i’m sorry.”
“i’m thankful that we are roommates. it’s so much better since we can just stay in the living room and do our work till late at night.”
“me too.”
you hear byeol’s giggling and your eyes went to where the sound came from. byeol’s bedroom was wide open and her lights were off but you could see a slip of light under sunghoon’s door. she was in sunghoon’s room, you couldn’t help but frown at it.
“are you okay?”
“yeah, sorry. let’s continue.”
“do you like sunghoon?”
“no. I don’t.” you continued to draw out what was needed for the project.
“you know…byeol and sunghoon have been hooking up.” you paused after hearing jake.
“why should I care.”
“because I know you like him.”
“jake, I don’t like him.”
“stop lying to yourself.”
“i’m not.” jake sighs and grabs the pen that you were gripping. he places it down on the table and holds your hands.
“look at me in the eyes and tell me you hate him.” you looked at jake but no words were coming out. your lips quiver and your head drops down. jake hugs you.
“I like him.” you whisper.
after that interaction with jake that night, you started to avoid sunghoon. I mean you were already avoiding him since you ‘hated’ him but you completely avoided him even more. you never stepped foot where he did and it’s like you disappeared in sunghoon’s sight.
you locked yourself in your room if sunghoon was home and you never came out.
“congrats on the ‘A’ partner.” jake nudges you. you smiled.
“you too partner.”
“wanna go out for dinner to celebrate-”
“(name).” you froze when you heard that voice. you felt your fight or flight mode kick in and you instantly wanted to get out of there. as you stepped once, sunghoon grabs your wrist and pulls you away from jake.
sunghoon brings you over to a secluded spot. he folds his arms and his jaw clenched. you were honestly kinda scared.
“why are you avoiding me?”
“why do you care?”
“I was worried.”
“and why should you be worried? you have a girlfriend to tend to.”
“what girlfriend?”
“ah right, sorry I meant your little hook up toy.” you fold your arms.
sunghoon pinches the bridge of his nose, “me and byeol never did it.”
“jake told me you guys have been hooking up.”
it went silent after you said it. “so it’s true.”
“(name), is not true.” sunghoon says.
you couldn’t trust him. not when he has constantly ruined your life. you bit your lips to hold back yourself from crying. however, once you blink, a tear escapes. you quickly wiped it away.
“I have to go.” you left sunghoon. sunghoon watches your figure leave. he wanted to run to you but his foot remains on the ground.
back at the house, you threw yourself on onto your bed and cried. you cried for hours and hours, the tears didn’t stop and you didn’t know why. was this what it felt like to be heartbroken? your heart hurts like it was actually torn apart.
there were knocks at your bedroom door but you ignored it. it stops after a while and somehow, you fell asleep. your body was tired, giving up on you after hours of crying. the next morning, light peaks through your curtains and shines down on you. you tried getting up but you felt lethargic. you felt like you were on fire. you got up and you had stumbled out of your bedroom.
you looked around for your medicine that you had. however, before you could even get to the kitchen, your body shuts down. you fell to the ground. the next time you wake up, you realised you were not in your bedroom but you were still in the dorm. you looked around and realised a familiar pair of ice skating shoes in display. the medals and trophies that were displayed on the shelf.
“I still remember when you attempted to throw your silver medal at me.” sunghoon says. your head turns to meet the boy’s figure. he was leaning at the doorframe.
“why am I here?”
“you fainted. you’re also running down fever.” he checks on your temperature by kissing your forehead. you felt your cheeks heating up. “yeah, it’s still pretty bad.”
his eyes met with yours. you swore his eyes flickered onto your lips for a split second. you pushed him away.
“thanks for taking care of me while I was out cold but I can take care of myself now. I don’t need your help.” you tried getting up but sunghoon sighs and grabs your wrist.
“me and byeol didn’t hook up. jake just told you that because he assumed we did.” sunghoon says.
“why are you telling me this?”
“because.” you felt his arms wrap around your waist and his head placed on your shoulder. “I know someone cried yesterday.”
you tried to pry his hands that wrapped around you but failed since he was strong.
“I didn’t know you liked me (name).” sunghoon says. you rolled your eyes.
“I don’t like you.”
“but you were jealous.”
“who said I was jealous. you can hook up with that bitch.”
“hmm but the only one I want is you.” you felt butterflies erupt.
“didn’t you say i’m sick? shouldn’t you be 1 arm away from me?”
“I don’t mind getting sick if I get to hug you like this.”
“god, who knew you’d be such a simp.” you rolled your eyes.
“for you.” he says. you giggled when he snuggles his head at the crook of your neck. “want to cuddle my girl.”
“but i’m not your girl though?” you teased. sunghoon picks you up and places you down on his bed. he quickly wraps his arm around you to cuddle.
“mmm but you are my girl.”
“I never said about being your girlfriend though.” he pecks your lips and you gasp.
“will you be my girlfriend?”
“what if I said no?”
“I know you wouldn’t say no.”
“you’re so full of yourself.” you chuckled. sunghoon pecks your cheek once more. surprisingly, you fell asleep really quickly. guess you were tired and maybe sunghoon’s warmth made you feel comfortable.
⭐️ KIM SUNOO
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GENRE: vice president of student council! sunoo + president of student council! reader
if you were to recall back the day you were elected as the president of the student council…you could remember the scowl that was plastered on your vice-president. you could also faintly remember the complaints he let out to his friends when the results were out.
“if I didn’t get the position of president, they should’ve just kicked me out as a whole. who even wants to work with (name). she’s sooooo annoying.”
you grimaced. you understood sunoo hated you but damn he really despised you. to the complete point where he didn’t even want to work with you. too bad though, they made sunoo the vice-president and he was forced to work with you.
lately, the whole council has been busy with the school’s music festival. since your school was a music/performing arts school, this event was the most important event ever. there would be tons of students performing and showing off their skills (those who signed up only).
both you and sunoo had practically been overworked trying to plan the event. how it would go, the lighting, getting the stage ready, etc. you couldn’t even get enough sleep since the teachers would be up your ass for the forms and paperwork. who knew being president would be so hard?
“jungwon, please help me get a signature of approval from Mrs.Jae.”
“on it.” jungwon runs out of the room with the papers. just as jungwon leaves, sunoo enters. he places his bag down on the couch.
“why are you here so early?”
“we need to finish up the remaining paperwork and it’s better we start early.”
“then why didn’t you tell me?
“because you mentioned that this class is important so you need to be there the whole time?”
“I never mentioned that.” sunoo rolls his eyes.
you slammed the pen down and it startled sunoo.
“you can do everything yourself, (name). I have an important class to attend and my grades depend on this lesson. the teacher is going through some exam tips.” you mocked sunoo.
he folds his arm, “you don’t even have proof.”
“look sunoo, how about you take this set of paperwork and do it. I have no time to argue with you.” you grabbed the other half of papers and left the office.
“god, she’s so grumpy.” sunoo grumbles.
you sat in the library for some peace and quiet. it was the perfect place for you to concentrate and you were so happy you were far from sunoo. the air-conditioning blew perfectly and it was nice. it made you sleepy. what if you just…lay your head down on the table for a while.
the next time you woke up, you realised a jacket was wrapped around you. who had placed this. however, you were more worried about the stack of papers that you were tasked to go through. it was gone. you panicked for a second until you noticed the note stuck on your phone.
‘took your other half and did it. once it’s done, I’ll place it on your desk. also you look like an idiot drooling whilst sleeping.’
– sunoo
you huffed. if he was just going to do everything why didn’t he just say so. instead, he made you think he didn’t want to do it. this meant one thing though, this jacket was definitely sunoo’s. you could quickly tell too since there was a whiff of the strawberry lipbalm he uses.
wait how did you know how his lipbalm smells like? you shook your head. no, it’s just because there are times where you and sunoo were close enough while working on some student council work. it’s not because you’ve thought of kissing him. you would be insane to think so.
the next day, you hand sunoo the jacket right as he was talking to his friends.
“here. your jacket, thank you for lending it to me.” you say. this causes his friends to glance in shock at the both of you.
“are you two-” “no. we aren’t.” sunoo quickly shuts down jake’s words.
“we have a meeting later. see you and jungwon later.” you quickly say before leaving. right as you step away, you felt your heart beating fast. what is wrong with you?
it’s nothing. you walked to school quickly. speed walk, power walked to school. which was why your heart is racing.
that’s when you were wrong.
it took you probably 2 hours later to realise, no random person’s heart would race after talking to a guy. a guy they hated as a matter fact. which only meant.
you liked sunoo.
you liked his stupid annoying voice. you liked the fact that he argues with you. you mostly definitely loved the fact that he is the only one who pays attention to you. why did you have to discover this right before the meeting. now you can’t face kim sunoo without imagining his lips on yours.
it was an x-rated thought. why did you have to think about him kissing you and why do you kinda like imagining it. you must be insane.
however, here you are in the meeting with the other council members. they were showing off PowerPoint slides and presenting the flow of the event however you weren’t even paying attention.
“pres, is this okay?” jungwon asks. you hummed a little confused.
“oh, i’m so sorry. yeah, it’s fine. we should also have some of our members be on standby to queue the next group to perform.”
jungwon nods, “I’ll ask haneul if she can be the backstage coordinator.”
“sunoo, do you have anything to add?” you asked.
“no, everything has been well planned. we just need to execute it on that day. hopefully, the event will turn out as successful as the ones our seniors had done.”
“alright, that’s all. great job everyone, see all of you at the festival and please wear something appropriate. you saw what happened to our seniors.” you warned the others. they nod.
each one of them slowly leaves the room and the only ones left were you and sunoo. you had pushed back the chair and made sure everything had been cleaned up.
“are you joining the festival?” sunoo suddenly voices out.
“hmm? oh, no. I can’t sing.”
“but you can dance?”
“i’m too shy to get on stage. I have stage fright.”
“but you dance.”
“it’s just a hobby I do.”
“yeah but you joined a performing arts school.” sunoo says.
“well, that’s pretty obvious huh? can’t I have stage fright even if I am in a performing arts school?” you glared at sunoo. sunoo rolls his eyes.
“I thought I could have a once in a lifetime civil talk with you but you make it impossible to hold a conversation with you.” sunoo says. you gasp.
“the only annoying ass person that can’t hold a conversation is you!”
sunoo glares at you before huffing and leaving the room. once he leaves the room, you let out a sigh of relief. your heart was racing quicker than usual and you hated that sunoo was the cause of it.
the day of the music festival arrived. tons of students were running around trying to play the carnival games that were organised. there were also some redeeming prizes after the amount of tickets they gathered. you sighed, you would love to have fun but you were the council president. you had to watch over everything so nothing goes wrong.
today, you didn’t feel exactly the best. after studying so much for the past few days, you felt under the weather. however, since you were the president, you had to be present. you held onto the wall beside you and steadied yourself. you had to be strong, you couldn’t show your weak side. however, you nearly fell but someone holds onto your shoulder to prevent you from falling.
“hey, are you okay?” it was sunoo.
“yeah. I’m fine.” sunoo places his hand on your forehead and sighs.
“you’re burning up.” he grabs your hand and drags you to the nurse’s office.
“i’m fine.” you say as you arrived at the nurse’s office. unfortunately, the nurse wasn’t around as she went out for lunch but sunoo knew what to take.
“you look pale and you were about to faint. god, did you even eat lunch yet?”
“no I skipped lunch-”
“to do administrative? prioritise your health first, dummy.” sunoo huffs. he hands you a bottle of water and also a protein bar.
“eat this then take the medicine. it’s not good to eat your medicine on an empty stomach.”
“but i’m fine!”
“no you’re not!”
“sunoo, listen I don’t know why you care about me but I-”
“I care because I like you!” sunoo shouts.
dead silence
it’s like you could only hear both yours and sunoo’s breathing only. you were shocked, sunoo liked you? how was that possible? he hated you? what happened to being enemies? i mean, you weren’t complaining since you liked him too.
“the thought of you getting hurt, it also pains me too. you know. I get that you want to study and do well in your studies but please don’t hurt yourself in the process.” sunoo begs.
“sunoo.”
“like come on, you’re already smart. I don’t get why you have to study so late at night. it’s already annoying to see you do so well that I can’t possibly catch up with my crush but damn-”
“sunoo!”
he stops blabbering, “thank you for caring about me and thank you for liking me. I just, didn’t expect you to like me too.”
“you…like me?” sunoo’s eyes widened.
“yes. well, I would’ve said it slightly earlier but you were rambling-”
the boy cuts you off with a peck to your cheek. it catches you off guard.
let’s just say you left the nurse’s office with a boyfriend. people were definitely shocked to see their president and vice-president holding hands and smiling at each other.
⭐️ YANG JUNGWON
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PAIRING: class president! jungwon x bad girl! reader. more of a one-sided enemies.
you were I would say a bad student. both in academically and in physical terms. jungwon was the opposite of you. he was the bright star student that constantly gets praised, was appointed class president of your class and was also really kind.
well to others. not to you. you have no idea why yang jungwon hated your guts. maybe, he just hated bad looking people. you’d say he’s uptight and would always turn down party invitations to study.
however, that thought changed when you saw yang jungwon in a loose fitting clothes and sweatpants. it was a comfortable choice but made him look stunning nonetheless. his bangs were down, he laughed with his friends whilst taking a sip of his…is that wine? you didn’t expect him to even be drinking.
clearly, you stared for too long because soon jungwon’s gaze falls onto you. you looked away and simply went about your merry way. however, jungwon didnt stop staring.
“who are you staring at?” jay asks. jake’s eyes trailed jungwon’s gaze and he realised that jungwon was staring at you.
“I thought you hated her? why are you staring at her?”
sunghoon suddenly smirks, “oh? does little wonie have a crush?” jungwon rolls his eyes.
“as if. she’s literally the worst girl I’ve ever seen and had to deal with.” jungwon rolls his eyes.
“and yet she piqued your interest, didn’t she?” sunghoon nudges jungwon.
it was true. though you were a ‘bad girl’ a complete opposite of jungwon. you still piqued his interests and he wanted to observe you. from far of course. or maybe, up close too.
the next day, you walked into class late. the teacher scolds you the whole while you walked to your seat. you’ve practically tuned it out, already used to the yelling in your life.
“detention!” the teacher finally says. you sighed. yet another detention, of course.
“and I will have jungwon tutor you since you are lagging behind class!”
your eyes widened. that flower boy was tutoring you? him? he was literally a bunch of rainbows and flowers every time. after the teacher says so, you turned to look at jungwon. he was already staring at you. great, he already hated the idea of tutoring you. his little cat eyes just slowly turning into a glare as his eyebrows furrow.
yay! you were so excited to have him tutor you (read: sarcasm). I mean, you knew he isn’t evil, he just probably hates you because you’re always in the detention and you are like the worst student possible. however, it’s not like you offended him in any way. the tutor session should be fine!
that was you 4 hours before actually starting the tutor session. you have never felt so intimidated by your class president but why was he so scary while teaching you.
“if x equals to 6 what is y?” jungwon raises eyebrow at you.
“u-uh 15?” you squeak out. it made you sound so weak which is weird because normally you’d be the one who was confident.
“wrong. it’s 24. you got the question wrong once again.”
“right. uh, how you…do this question again?” you asked. jungwon groans.
“I’ve gone through this question 5 times already. how do you not get it.”
“well, if math wasn’t so hard. I would get it.” you groaned.
“well, too bad. suck it up and learn how to do it.” he rolls his eyes.
“why the fuck do you hate me so much? I did nothing wrong? i’m just being myself.” you whisper yelled because you were in the library.
“because you’re annoying.” jungwon says.
“what? I never interact with you in class at all. how am I annoying?”
“every single time you’re late, I have to report to the teacher and it’s tiring to write down everything.”
“sounds like a you problem. you could’ve said no to being our class president.”
“and not be lucky to get leadership points?”
you rolled your eyes, “well, if you don’t like me. you could’ve not come to teach me!”
“I would if I could but because the teacher is counting on me, I have to do this.” jungwon folds his arm.
“you know what? forget it.” you packed your things. “since you don’t want to take the initiative to leave. I’ll leave for you, I have detention anyways.”
as you leave, jungwon’s jaw drops. never in his whole life has someone walked out on him like that. it kinda threw him off. well, okay. it threw him off by a lot.
the next day, jungwon catches your wrist and drags you to the library. it startled you and he pushes you to sit down on the chair.
“we are going to study whether you like it or not!” jungwon huffs and takes out his book. “turn to page 135.”
you were shocked, "hey, you can't just drag me here and force me to study. you didn't want to teach me in the first place!"
"stop being stubborn and flip to page 135."
"jerk." you muttered under your breath.
1 month later, you were still studying with jungwon. he was more civil now at least, he kept his thoughts to himself and you were thankful you didn't have to hear him complain about your mathematics being horrible. he points to the question and asks you for the answer.
"72." jungwon hums at your answer.
"correct."
you sighed in relief, "great. now, this means you can stop tutoring me."
"who said i would stop? you still have 99 more questions and you still have to pass the finals."
"why are you so insisted on helping me? i thought you made it clear you didn't want to teach me?" you huffed and folded your arms.
"seeing your grades look horrible irks me and i hate to see failing classmates so i'm here to help."
"weird. i don't usually see you go around helping our classmates. do you like me or something?"
your words caused jungwon to freeze in his seat. did he like you? no, it's not possible when you're looking really pretty in your leather jacket and coloured hair-
okay...jungwon liked you.
"and if i said i did? what are you going to do about it?"
this time it caught you off guard.
"you what?"
he gets closer to you and you gasp, "i said what if i did? what if i liked you? what are you going to do about it?"
you didn't say anything. completely speechless. you could feel your heart racing. why did jungwon suddenly look so good? you must be going insane.
jungwon pecks your cheek, "alright. turn to page 180 now. we need to cover the next few questions."
you do as you were told. still not getting over the little affection jungwon just gave you. you had to concentrate on your work for now, maybe you'd get your answers later.
or maybe he might actually kiss you for doing a good job. now, that was your motivation.
⭐️ NISHIMURA RIKI
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PAIRING: star basketball player! ni-ki x fem! reader (they are college so I sort of aged up ni-ki)
basketball, the sport that ni-ki loved so much and grew to love. besides, with the advantage of being so tall, why wouldn’t he use it?
“heeseung hyung, pass the ball!” he yells out on the court. it was a small game, to train before their big final game. you were there to snap some pictures since you were part of the journalist club of your college. they usually placed someone in charge of sports for the season and this time around you were the chosen lucky one.
your job was simple, take pictures of them playing and then interview the players before and after the match to gather their thoughts. it would be simple, if you weren’t forced to literally take charge of the basketball team. you hated them, they were the worst people ever. okay, one person on the team was and it was nishimura riki. the literal bane of your existence. your enemy the most annoying person you ever met, you wished he wasn’t so good in basketball because he wouldn’t have gotten into the same university as you without his stupid athlete scholarship.
just as you snapped some photos and reviewed them, ni-ki grabs your camera and places it above his head. he was mainly teasing you for how short you are compared to him. you tried jumping to get it but failed multiple times, he laughs.
“aww little shorty is trying sooo hard to grab her precious camera.” he teases.
“nishimura, give it back. if you break the camera, i will break your legs and you won’t be able to play the season.”
he leans down to face you, “and if you break my legs will you play with the team for me?”
you scoffed and grabbed the camera from his hands.
“no. you can suffer yourself.”
just as ni-ki was about to retaliate, heeseung yells after him. ni-ki smacks your shoulders and winks at you before leaving.
“oooo nishimura, stop flirting with your girlfriend while we have practice!!” yunho, a fellow member of the team yells.
“yah! me and that asshole aren’t dating!!”
“you wished though!” ni-ki yells.
“fuck off!” you yelled back.
ni-ki’s teammates laughed as you two bicker. this was how it was, the constant bicker and subtle flirting. you weren’t flirting with ni-ki, at least that’s what you thought. maybe you just didn’t understand flirting but you clearly could tell ni-ki was sort of flirting with you. which was weird because didn’t he hate your guts in high school? why was he so flirty now? maybe he was just going through it, being a freshman and seeing college girls. it gives you the freedom like you are old enough to do something.
finally, it was the final match to the end of the season. you could finally catch a breath because you wouldn’t be focusing on the sports team next season. as the basketball team surrounded each other discussed their tactic, you took a video and snapped some photos. hopefully this would make it more professional.
the basketball team disperses and the game starts. the ball being dribbled down the court and each of the boys moving swiftly. you snapped some photos as they were playing and honestly, you think that the current pictures you took were going to be legendary. just as you put your camera down, you realised the basketball ball was being hurled at you. you closed your eyes ready for the impact but all you felt was someone holding you close and a thud.
when you opened your eyes, you realise that ni-ki had hold you close. the basketball rolling away. he checks up on you before grabbing the ball and going back into the court to finish playing the game. your cheeks were glowing, your face felt hot so you had fanned yourself. a few of the people in the crowd were making noise at the gesture ni-ki had done. it made you want to hide in one corner and just disintegrate into the ground. however, you knew you still had to continue with journaling the match because this was your job as a journalist.
the match continues with the occasional squeaking of shoes because that's how all basketball games turn out. the announcer watches and comments on every move that the players on court had to say. there were a lot of moments where your school's team could've scored a goal but the game was just toxic in general. the other team played dirty multiple times, they always found a way to not get kicked out of the court and manage to get away with it.
ni-ki was starting to get annoyed. his jaw clenches, that is when the whole room felt different. it's like a light switch was turned on because suddenly it felt really dangerous. before the time ended, your college basketball team start scoring more goals. it was brutal to the other team but ni-ki did it. the team won. they carried him up and threw him up in the air as ni-ki held the trophy. you managed to capture that moment and it was amazing.
you were smiling a little. it was heart warming. the team lets ni-ki down and he stumbles over to you.
"i won for you." he says.
you snicker, "oh really now, nishimura?"
the boy nods. "since i won this for you, may I take you on a date as a prize?"
"what is this? i thought you saw me as a threat?" you teased him.
"yeah, a threat to my heart." he flirts back. you laughed.
"go bathe, you stink." you pushed him lightly. he laughs.
"so it's on?"
"shut up."
ni-ki scoffs playfully. "you didn't say no, i'll see you later~" he leaves to bathe.
yup, this was your enemy. a dork but you liked it that way.
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taglist[perm]: @ja4hyvn @ahnneyong @milklix @kar0ki @sugarsunoo @http-gyu @simpforniki @vatterie @victoriazynui @myu3ki @jhopesucker @dimplewonie @chwlogy @ilovewonyo @xiaoderrrr @uwuheeseungie @miercerise @liikno @hxney-luga @tiktaktiki @ajayke-reads @yizhoutv @s00buwu @ilovehanni1
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hunnylagoon · 5 months
Text
Right Where You Left Me
Pt 2: Jailbird
Ellie Williams x reader
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I want to write a poem about you but I’m afraid it won’t be enough. I almost feel ashamed that I want you to fit into a word because we both know that you are beyond anything that can be put on paper.
Premise: You and Ellie were childhood friends before you drifted apart. Funny thing about soulmates is that they tend to find there way back to each other. While you both visit home for winter break, events unfold and it is no longer possible to avoid each other.
Warnings: Angst / homophobia / brief violence / reader has religious issues
Part one here!
Part three here!
Part four here!
I may have been wrong to say that I could never hate Ellie. Fuck she was vicious, in the most passive-aggressive way too. She's so sly about it that I can't even get mad without seeming irrational.
Winter break finally rolled around and I had yet to make any progress with Ellie it was whatever the opposite of progress is. If she wanted to hate me, that was fine, I could do the same, I could be petty. It's now December and all of this bullshit started in September, she could hardly be courteous.
Fuck her.
I had survived mid-terms and finals but the way Ellie was acting had me skipping happily towards the edge. She will wash a whole sink of dishes and leave just my fork, or Venmo request me if I ate one of her grapes. Everything had gotten worse when Dina, Abby, and Cat all left to visit their families for winter break leaving just Ellie and I, without the girls there to hold us to the house rules we were at each other's throats.
She was foaming at the fucking mouth to tear me apart. There was no level-headed Abby or fun-loving Dina, not even Cat who was just mellow. Just me and Ellie verbally abusing each other. "Fuck off, with your wild animal teeth," I spat, slamming the dish cupboard closed with a loud thud.
"Wild animal teeth?" She repeats "Wow, you're getting creative, I'll give you that," Ellie's gaze held a certain bitterness "Heard you were on your knees again last night and I don't mean praying."
My eye almost twitches at her words and it takes everything in me not to throw a ceramic bowl at her. I hated her, I hated her freckled face, and eyes as sharp as knives, just hearing her raspy voice, and seeing her sardonic smile made me want to keel over and let the earth wrap me in her flourishing greenery. I often wanted that to happen. I was trying to refrain from going home as I didn't want to spend the entire break with my family but I was starting to think nothing was better than this, I was set to leave the following day (Christmas Eve) anyway but I was seconds away from grabbing my bag and jumping into my car. "Can you just learn to be fucking civil?"
"Why would-
"Because we were sixteen years old when that stupid shit happened!" I spat "You're holding a grudge from when we were sixteen," I reiterated, searching her features for some sign that I'd gotten through to her.
"It's not like you've changed since any of that happened." She stands, unnervingly calm on the other side of the kitchen island. "You were always awful since we were young, always crying, always emotional, always explosive, my dad said you're like a birch tree, one spark and you burst into flames."
"Fuck off."
"You always had to have the attention," Her eyebrows furrow "Nothing was your fault, blame being fucking erratic and insane on your parents."
"You don't know my parents half as well as you think you do."
"What don't I know about them? They've been in my life as long as you have."
"Ellie, stop," I say, suddenly I'm taken away from the mood to fight, I just want to scream into my pillow.
"What?" She asks "You're going to say some shit like 'they aren't loving'  or 'you wouldn't get it' Please, enlighten me, what wouldn't I get?" She moves closer just an inch or so "Wow, your life sounds so hard, you have two parents who love each other and a huge fucking house, oh shit," Sarcasm drips from her tone "Maybe it's that trust fund that's taking a toll on you."
"Please, stop."
"You could commit every crime known to man and you would still be their pride and joy, there is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you-
"Here we go with your 'life is so fucking hard and I'm edgy and indie and I have a sad backstory that I'll bring up every second sentence even though I was seven when it happened' " I mock her.
She bites the inside of her cheek and I can tell that I've struck a nerve "You know when my lease-
"Don't even worry about it," I move out from the kitchen and begin towards my room, Ellie's eyes are trailing me "The minute my lease is up, I'm packing my shit and moving into student housing so I won't have to look at your fucking face while I'm eating!" I slam my bedroom door behind me.
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I left that night, I couldn't bear the sound of her guitar strums, so repetitive it made me want to slam my head through the drywall.
You better believe that I cried my entire way home while blasting Julien Baker. My mother was pleasantly surprised to see me at her doorstep a day early, I knew Ellie would be coming down sometime tomorrow to spend the Holidays with her family, I didn't know when, I just knew that I didn't want to see her.
I never even told my parents that Ellie was my roommate and they hadn't heard it from Joel as they drifted when Ellie and I were fifteen.
My bedroom was exactly how I left, I cuddled into my twin bed that night sinking into the absolute silence of the the snowfall, with my dog Dusty curled at my side. I always loved the snow, the way it acted as soundproofing for the earth, when I was little I would just sit in the backyard so I could hear the birds sing in their purest and truest form.
Christmas Eve was dull to begin with, to say the least; my mom made Christmas tree-shaped waffles as she did every year, I was then dragged to an excruciatingly long church sermon. When we returned home I was sent to shovel the driveway, turns out visiting home from college doesn't excuse you from chores. I knew Ellie had arrived when I saw her grey sedan in Joel's driveway as well as Tommy's Range Rover. Bundled up in mittens and a hand-knitted scarf that Naomi gave to me I felt really tough giving the middle finger to Ellie wherever she was in Joel's house.
"What the fuck are you doing?" Elijah was cackling in the doorway. Dusty I happily bounding through the snow, paying to mind to my brother.
I immediately dropped my arm, trying to play nonchalantly "Uh, shoveling the driveway?"
His laughter only grew "You look so stupid," He huffed between cackles "You're standing in a foot of snow in the driveway giving Mr. Miller's house the middle finger in your cute little mitts."
"Say that louder, no one could hear you," I say, sarcastically.
"Hear ye, hear ye-
My eyes go wide and I drop the shovel to form a snowball and deck it at my brother "Shut up!"
"Ow!" He flinches, and his track and field hoodie from high school is now covered in powdered sleet. "Whatever," He yanks his hoodie off to shake the snow off of it "Just finish the driveway so we can watch a movie or something, I haven't seen you in months, Naomi and Aaron haven't shut up about you all holiday break."
I give him a mitted thumbs up before I try to speed run the shovelling, albeit slipping on black ice more than a few times. When I came back inside, I needed to change, my parka was dripping with snow that had melted into water.
I bundle up into sweatpants and an old soccer t-shirt. Being in my old room digs up memories pinned on my wall with bright thumbtacks year after year of photos of my soccer team, in every single one Ellie and I have our arms slung over each other. We're smiling wide and not focusing on the camera but on one another. I tear the picture away from the thumbtacks and throw them into a random shoe box that sits at the bottom of my closet. After that, I take down every artifact I have of Ellie, the drawings she made me, drafts of songs we wrote together, and t-shirts she left in my drawers, I throw it all into a Rubbermaid storage bin.
Though I leave the little wood carvings that Joel made for me alone.
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My family's famous Christmas Eve dinner rolled around and I couldn't believe how excited I was, I'm not the best cook and despite me and my mother going through spats every other day, she was one hell of a good chef and I had spent months craving her honey roasted carrots and creamy mashed potatoes.
Please don't judge me when I say this, but we are the family that dresses up for dinners at home. Nothing black tie, just something a little dapper, one time I wore jeans to our family dinner and I was grounded for a week.
I finished zipping up my white sundress and I let my little sister tie a matching bow into my hair, when she saw what I was wearing she changed into her white dress which was ankle length while mine fell right above my knees.
"Oh, my sweet girls are matching again," My mom fawns over us "Let me get a picture of this cute little moment," I smile for the picture, and Naomi does the same, hooking an arm around my midriff. "Adorable," Mom looks at the picture before tucking her phone into her pocket "Now girls, please set the table."
Even though I hadn't been at home for months, setting the table was like muscle memory to me, Naomi put the placemats down, and then I did the dinner plate and salad plate, Naomi would place the napkins and cutlery then I would set glasses and pour everyone water from the pitcher. By the time we finished setting the table everyone aside from my mother and Elijah were at the table, early awaiting what was sure to be a filling dinner.
Slowly but surely my mom brought the dishes with Elijah, placing them all through the center of the dining table. After everything was placed my father, who sits at the head of the table cleared his throat, that was his signal for everyone to join hands. "Dear God, We gather today with grateful hearts to thank you for this food before us. We appreciate the effort and resources that have provided us with this nourishment. May this meal sustain our bodies and remind us of the many blessings in our lives. We are thankful for the love of family and friends who surround us and for the abundance we enjoy. Bless this food, our time together, and those who prepared it. May it strengthen us physically and spiritually. This is your body, this is your love. We thank you for feeding us with your gracious hands. In Jesus' name, we give thanks and pray. Amen."
"Amen," My family repeats before we all ravishingly fill our plates with chicken, maple-roasted mushrooms, buttered green beans, bread rolls, and mashed potatoes. I was eating so fast, I was shocked that I didn't spill anything on myself.
"So, have you met any cute boys at college?" My mother asks me, she is the only one eating politely "I'm sure you could get a real smart guy with those looks of yours."
My father nods "Just make sure he's Christian."
"Or catholic," My mother adds.
I laugh awkwardly in response, I take a sip of my water, the condensation making it slippery in my hands. Elijah gives me an odd look that goes unnoticed by my parents.
"I think we should drop off some bread or cookies or something to the Miller's, just something to say hi while Tommy and Maria are still there." My mom tells us, she isn't speaking to anyone in particular.
"Is Ellie there right now?" Aaron asks.
Elijah shrugs "Probably, her car is in the driveway."
Now Naomi is looking at me "We should invite her over for New Year's or something if she's staying for the rest of break."
My dad shakes his head "I don't know if that's a good idea," All eyes fall on him "It's just- I think she's a bit of a bad influence." He takes a swig of his wine and attempts to suppress a burp but fails. I press my lips into a thin line and look down at my plate to hold in my laughter, Elijah does the same beside me.
"I don't remember Ellie being a bad influence," Aaaron furrows his eyebrows, racking his brain to think of a time that she had done their family wrong.
"It's just that there were rumours of her having-" My father searches for the words "Unnatural tendencies I suppose, and I tried to talk to Joel about it but he got defensive and said that she didn't need fixing, that's how I lost my best fishing buddy."
My mom looks at the discomfort on all of her children's faces "I mean, we all need a bit of fixing."
Dad is quick to catch on "Oh, yeah, of course, I mean it's not just Ellie," He fumbles over his words "And it's not her fault that she's that way, I think It's because she lost her mother when she was young so she got confused about the parental roles, Joel never remarried and he didn't date around much so Ellie didn't have a proper mother figure, it's not her fault she's a dyke and there's still time to fix it if she wants to choose the right path."
Stillness falls over the table, I had never heard silence quite this loud. Even my mother is at a loss for words. All of my siblings are darting our eyes at one another, we don't utter a single word but we understand each other clearly 'Dad actually said it'.
He noticed this and tried to backtrack on his words "I'm not a bad guy, I mean we've all read the bible cover to cover, we know it's a sin. I'll wrap this up, you all know that we love you no matter what and all I'm saying is I'm glad we could distance ourselves away from it."
"Hey Dad, did you watch the Canucks game last week?" Elijah swoops in to change the topic. It's too late, a wave of sickness has already overtaken me.
While my family discusses nothing in particular, trying to ignore what Dad said, I am sick to my stomach, I push my plate away and prop my elbow the the table for my hand to support my head. I am nearly shaking. My dull eyes peer across the table and meet my father's drowsy gaze.
"Honey, are you feeling alright?" My mom pauses whatever conversation she is enwrapped in.
I don't respond, I don't know how.
My family's eyes find a resting place on my figure. Mom pushes herself away from her chair and walks over to me, she places one hand between my shoulder blades, the other takes my cold hand and she slowly rubs a circle on my back to comfort me. "Sweetness, whatever is repressed inside, say it, let it out, we're all family."
Naomi nods in agreement, her wide eyes full of concern. "I don't know how to say it," I tell them.
"Air it out," My dad says, finishing off his glass of wine and pouring himself another "Today is the perfect day, tomorrow is the birth of Jesus, a fresh start."
My heart is racing faster than it ever has before, faster than when I broke my wrist in Ellie's backyard or when I had been on a rollercoaster for the first time. "I like girls," I say, my voice is quiet, and my three words take my family with silence. My mother freezes and takes a step back, her comforting hands leaving me.
"You're joking," My dad scoffs "Tell me this is a joke and you're normal."
"I can't," My voice cracks and I can already tell that the tears are oncoming. I think briefly back to Ellie's words 'There is nothing you could say or do that would make them hate you' if only she could see what was about to happen.
"All of those sleepovers with Ellie?" He is disgusted, his face contorting with horror "Were you dating her?"
"no-
"How can I believe anything you say, you lied to us for nineteen years when you knew you were sick."
"Dad, I'm not sick-
"How many sinful acts have you done under this roof?"
"None, I swear," I shake my head, it took less than a minute for me to be filled with regret at my words. I shouldn't have even come home for the holidays, actually, I never should've found Dina's listing and jumped at the deal.
"Get out," Any light tone in my dad's voice is gone, replaced by pure resentment.
"What?"
"You heard me, get out."
"Dad, it's Christmas Eve-
"Get out!" His voice rumbles through the dining room like thunder "I thought we fixed this phase when we sent you to boarding school."
"Please, dad-
"Get up and get out or I'm going to make you,"
"Fine- make me," Tears prick in my eyes but I cross my arms trying to muster up that false coolness Ellie is so good at feigning.
My dad slams his glass down so hard that it shakes the table, and the partially empty wine bottle my parents had been nursing all night is knocked over by the abruption, tipping over the deep red liquor to travel down the tablecloth and drip onto what was once my pure white dress. "Get up!" He grabs a fistful of my hair and I scream from the shock of pain. He yanks me off my chair and my face slams against the hardwood when his arm slumps, impact heavy from the sudden drop, it doesn't take long for my nose to start bleeding. He drags me to the door pushing it open; my siblings don't do anything they're petrified in horror and my mother begins to cry, covering her eyes from the scene before her.
My dad doesn't stop at the door, I thrash on the ground and he pulls me over both of my hands trying to pry his away from the roots of my hair, he drags me into the snow, finally releasing me. I shake as my hand gently finds the way to my burning scalp where I fully believe he has pulled out clumps of my hair with his harsh and unforgiving grasp.
From the doorway the rest of my family watches, Naomi has a hand covering her mouth her doe eyes brimming with tears of her own. My father disappeared into the house, it didn't take long to see what he was doing he slammed the window to make the bedroom open and began to throw all of my belongings out of the window. My pictures, my old soccer uniform, armfuls of clothes from my old beaten dresser, candles, books, paints, and shredded posters were torn straight off my wall.
"Dad, stop, I'm sorry, I'll get better!" I am on my knees, hands clasped together pleading with him. My skin is burning from the contact with the snow, I know that it must be a horrific sight to behold. White sundress, stained with wine, tangled hair, red-tinged skin, puffy eyes and incoherent sobs.
The snow makes everything so quiet the only sound travelling through the night are my sobs. I can no longer see my father in my bedroom, he is coming back down and somehow that is worse, he pushes past my family and throws the presents I was supposed to receive on Christmas morning beside me, I flinch at the movement.
"I'm sorry!" I plead like I'm bargaining with the Grimm Reaper for my life "Give me a job and I'll do it, just tell me what to do to get better!" The screaming carries through the night, alerting the neighbours in what was supposed to be a calm and quiet neighbourhood. Across the street, Joel turns on his porch light, squinting his eyes at the scene on the opposing lawn and trying to make sense of it. "I want to get better!" I shake with every sob. I could hear my dogs barking from the loud noises.
My dad shakes his head "You're too far gone, I didn't raise a fucking dyke," He is almost crying himself, he doesn't mourn for the daughter that he has but the daughter that could've been. The daughter who donned white every Sunday for church and settled down with a nice family man, a daughter who was holy but in this moment I am the purest form of holiness, born again from the violence of my father.
"Dad, I was created in God's image, why would he create his child to be this way if it was so wrong?"
"You're a fucking mistake is what you are," He seethes "Get off my property or I'm calling the cops."
"You still have my bags!" I scream and I watch him retreat to get them "Are you going to do anything at all?" I search my family for any sign of life but they all avert their eyes from mine. My father comes back out, and he throws my purse and suitcase on the lawn, this time both of them hit me, talking about kicking someone when they're down.
My dad begins to usher the family inside "I never want to see you again, get your ass up and start working, I'm not paying for you to fuck around with women instead of getting an education."
"That's it?" I cry "You won't come to my wedding or meet my kids? What about my funeral?"
"Not as long as you're with a woman." With that, he slams the door behind him and locks it. I let out another guttural sob, I've already cried so much that it's beginning to hurt within my stomach. I take a deep and shaky breath in, wiping the tears away from my eyes with my freezing hands, I'm sure to catch hypothermia if I don't warm up. I look up to see my neighbours all around either watching from their window or in the Miller family's case, the front porch. I'm sure that someone has already called the police.
"Let me in, I'm sorry!" I scramble off the ground and begin to bang on the door. Shaking the handle "Let me in!" This goes on for longer than I would've liked, I hammer on the door and scream as loud as I can but they all ignore me. Eventually, I stand by the window and slam my hands on it "Let me in or give me my fucking dog, you can't take care of him!"
I knew I was fucked when I heard sirens. It only made sense for the neighbours to call the cops at this disturbance.
I'm going to do you all a favour and tell you some useful information; when the police arrive and you don't wanna seem guilty, don't try to drive away from the scene because you might just end up getting handcuffed and shoved into the back of a police car for your childhood bestfriends family to watch from their front row seats.
"Prison life isn't for me," I wallow as I press myself against the bars of the holding cell. There are two other women in the cell with me and they both snigger. One of their names is Lucia, and she has bronze skin and brown hair so dark that it almost looks black with gold hoop earrings the size of my head, I don't know the other woman's name but she looks significantly older and has stringy blonde hair, the wrinkles of her face drooping.
"Honey, this isn't prison, you'll live another hour," Lucia sits on the uncomfortable bench, her arms crossed, she's kind of hot to be blunt.
"You reek of liquor though," Blondie cackles and I catch a glimpse of her rotting yellow teeth, what's the opposite of pearly whites? Golden nuggets? Something like that.
"Because I got wine spilled on me," I retort. I had been crying before they even placed me in the cell, wailing so loud that I was annoying the officers. I was so upset and starved for affection that I hugged the officer who detained me, babbling incoherently about how my life was ruined, I don’t even blame them for arresting me, I looked like a crackhead trying to break into a nice suburban home. “I'm not drunk."
"Could've fooled me," Lucia smirks, she's wearing a black tank top and skinny jeans. I wasn't a fan of skinny jeans but she was converting me.
I fell asleep hugging myself on one of the uncomfortable metal benches with chipped blue paint, when I woke up, it was Christmas, even though it didn't feel like it. I saw the snowfall outside of the windows on the other side of the cells. Lucia had told me just before she was released that they had the right to hold you longer over holidays, I wanted to weep all over again.
Blondie got removed from the cell too and I was all alone. The only thing that kept me sane was pretending I was Katniss or Lucy Gray, if they had survived the Hunger Games, I could survive this. I genuinely thought my life was over and I was getting sent to prison for hammering on my dad's door and screaming.
With each hour that ticked by, my profound sense of loneliness only grew. The sounds of distant laughter flitted through the hall and I am reminded of the world that lies beyond the metal bars. I wonder what my family is doing at this moment, every voice that I hear acts as a reminder of the love I had jeopardized. I lost Ellie, I lost Conner, and now I had lost my family.
I think about praying to god for a moment though I discard the thought. If he was real why did he let that happen to me? Maybe forgiveness and redemption were not necessary.
"Crybaby, call someone to pick you up," Officer Reid who initially arrested me and interrogated me began to unlock the cell, "Charges are dismissed." He had been calling me Crybaby since I was stuffed in the back of the police car and wailing uncontrollably.
"Like for real?"
He was in fact, for real. I was brought to a landline phone and my hands acted faster than my head, dialling the number of someone I would trust with my life, I just prayed that the number hadn't changed.
After making my call I was told to go to a weird booth thing to collect my effects, where an old and very judgmental woman dumped my few belongings out of an envelope. I wish I knew the technical names for this stuff but it's not like I've been arrested before this one off occasion. She looked at each of the items, stating what it was while she took inventory of it. "Smartphone, lipgloss, a single gold earring, and a cross necklace," She marks something down and then turns the paper around and holds out a blue pen for me to take "Sign here."
My phone had died already, I was missing an earring, and the cross had failed me, all I had left to rely on was my cover girl lipgloss. I sat in that stark grey room for what seemed like hours, everyone seemed miserable as I am, at least I wasn't the only person having a not-so-merry Christmas.
Holy shit, I was still disgusting. I was sticky and freezing, still in the wine-ruined white dress, there was still dried blood on my face despite my pestering Lucia to help me get it off. My hair is tangled, the bow that my sister had tied in lost somewhere in the snow. I haven't looked in a mirror but I know I look rough from the side glances that everyone is casting me. I can't imagine the dark bags beneath my red, puffy eyes to be any sort of appealing.
The sterile waiting room is beginning to get on my nerves, I flinch at every movement and hold onto hope that every person walking through the door is the person I'm waiting on. I try my best to avert my eyes from the clock so time doesn't drag on any longer than it already is.
By the time Joel gets here, the sun is beginning to set, his eyes frantically search the room until they land on me, I'm already standing up and walking toward him. "Kiddo, are you okay?"
My lip quivers and it feels like every awful thing I've ever felt is going to seep through my teeth. My head falls onto his chest but this time I don't cry, I think I've run out of tears "I have nothing ahead of me."
Joel doesn't ask questions, he just hugs me in return, resting his chin on the top of my head, there is the comfort I had been so desperately searching for.
He signs release papers and he guides me to his red Ford Explorer. When I called him I asked him to bring me shoes as I was barefoot when I was detained, being the number one dad that he was, he brought a reusable grocery store tote bag, containing a hoodie, sneakers, fuzzy socks, sweatpants and a bag of my favourite chips. I slip the sweats on underneath my dress while the hoodie goes overtop, I awkwardly unzip it and shimmy it off, stuffing it into the tote bag.
The drive back to his house begins and he turns on the radio, trying to make lighthearted chatter "Thanks for coming to get me," I say, my voice is quiet and I pull my knees to my chest like as I tend to do when I get nervous "You can just drop me off at my car and I'll be out of your way."
"Sorry, kiddo," He says, eyes focused on the road "You're staying with me tonight, I don't want you driving these roads in the dark and it'll be good for you to have a hot shower and a warm meal, get some sleep somewhere that's not a holding cell."
"It's just that-
"If you still want to leave in the morning that's up to you but you shouldn't end your Christmas alone," Each word seems so genuine "And you know I would gladly have you stay with me three hundred and sixty-five days a year."
I look at him, a soft melancholic smile on my face, "Thank you," I say.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
A sigh falls from my lips "What happened to all of my stuff that was left on the lawn?"
"Tommy and Ellie brought it all inside."
Ellie brought it back inside? Did she actually give a shit or was this something her dad ordered her to do? "Did my dad say anything to you?"
Joel shakes his head "Maria went barging on his door, those two were in a screaming match for a good two minutes before he locked the door on her. Hasn't been outside since, everyone in the neighbourhood has been coming by to ask what happened."
"Even Sharron?" I ask Joel, wrinkling my nose in distaste.
"Even Sharron," He solidifies. Sharron was the grouchy crone of the street, shutting down every party, cussing out teenagers from her porch, and yelling at barking dogs "She said she was worried about you." The windshield wipers painted rhythmic patterns across the glass, clearing a path through the soft snow that continued to fall.
"She's not worried about me, she's worried I'm on drugs and I'll break into her musty home to steal all of her hummels."
Joel huffs a laugh "I can't believe that I used to let her babysit you and Ellie."
"Me neither, you should be paying for my therapy." I tease.
He chuckles at my words, "So you're majoring in wildlife biology?"
"You remembered what I wanted to major in?"
"Of course I did."
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"Hey, Mookie!" Tommy wraps his arms around me the moment I set foot in the door. He's called me Mookie since I was a little girl, it started when I couldn't pronounce monkey and thus Mookie was born. "Let me get a good look at you," He pushes me back just the slightest hands clasped on my shoulders "Look at that bruise you've got on your cheek, looking awful tough, like those greasers you used to read about."
"Look at that, Mookie grew up," Maria greets me with a warm smile, pushing Tommy away to hug me "Good to see you made it through prison alive," She jests.
Joel's house is exactly how it was when I left.
The air carried the familiar scent of firewood and lavender incense. In the living room, an inviting fireplace stood as the heart of the home. Its gentle crackle and the dancing flames provided a soothing backdrop to the overstuffed couches adorned with cozy blankets and throw pillows, worn from years of shared family movie nights. A well-loved rug covered the wooden floor, its pattern a mosaic of memories and spills easily forgiven and of course, a coffee table hand-crafted by Joel and intricately carved.
The shelves lining the walls were a treasure trove of family history. Photographs in mismatched frames captured smiling faces frozen in time, chronicling the evolution of Ellie through the years. A collection of well-read books, their spines creased and pages worn, stood proudly, offering a glimpse into the literary adventures that had unfolded within those walls.
The kitchen, the heart of many childhood homes, held the lingering aroma of Christmas dinner. The countertops, scarred from countless meals prepared and shared, were a testament to the love that had gone into creating family dinners. A worn wooden table in the center of the room bore witness to the countless conversations, celebrations, and moments of solace shared over shared meals.
"You know what, when I was around your age, I spent my fair share of time in the cooler, good to see you're taking after me," Tommy winks and gives me a hard pat on the back. Neither of them acknowledges the reason behind last night's events and somehow it feels worse than talking about it.
"We've just finished up making dinner, I'm sure you're hungry," Maria smiles softly, taking my hand into her calloused one.
"Yeah, I'm starving," I smile in return and trail behind the blonde woman to the dining table.
All of the plates are laid out with portions of food on each one, Ellie is sitting alone, spooning mashed potato into her mouth while she texts someone, she glances up at me and offers nothing more than a tight-lipped smile and awkward wave before going back to her phone. Tommy comes by with a tray of garlic butter rolls and uses tongs to add more onto my plate "Don't think I've forgotten how much you love these."
I grin up at him, I'm sitting in the same chair I sat in all those years ago when I Ellie and I would settle down after spending all day in the sun, Joel would ask us what we wanted for dinner and almost every time we would shout hotdogs.
"Good to have you back," Joel nods to me "House always felt a little empty without you."
I always felt a little empty without this house "Good to be back," I smear some mashed potato onto Tommy's famous garlic butter bread rolls.
I feel almost sick with nostalgia as I look around the dining room, Joel still had Ellie's crafts from elementary school hung up and if you look closely, you find little clues that I've left behind; proof that I once existed as a girl beneath this roof. There's a dent in the wall from the time I stood on my chair to catch a spider and accidentally fell over, my head hitting right into the wall, Ellie was laughing too hard to help me.
"So what school do you go to?" Maria asks me, washing down her pot roast with some ice water.
"Northridge actually," At my words, Ellie's head perks up, she's looking dead at me with a look of fear in her eyes.
"Oh, Ellie goes there!" Tommy smiles "She never mentioned that you do too."
Ellie is silently pleading with me, I know she doesn't want me to tell her family that she's been borderline tormenting me as my roommate and sending me to bed with tears in my eyes. I didn't plan on telling them anyway "That's funny, I guess we just keep missing each other."
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Joel set up an air mattress in Ellie's room, that's when it became clear to me that he had no idea just how bad the fallout was between us. I hate to say that I missed her room and all of the memories we shared in it.
Ellie's bedroom resembled something of a teen guy who'd never gotten laid before. She had a navy comforter, her shelves were lined with comics and novels, I know for a fact that she'd read every single one of them. Her desk was always a mess, covered in pages of poetry and sketches that she had torn out from her journal. Almost every inch of her walls is covered in posters of bands, movies and her nerdy video games.
I was fresh out of the shower, finally in my clean clothes that I had dug out of my suitcase. I got to charge my phone too, there was an overwhelming number of messages.
D-Manz: HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCH!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND CAN'T WAIT TO PARTY WHEN WE GET BACK
Jesse: Merry Christmas, hope your day isn’t shit! 😁😁😁
Riley: Merry Christmas! Hope you're having fun at your new school!
Abs: Merry Christmas and stay safe!
Kayla: Missing you girl ☹️ so excited for that staff party!
Kit-Cat: Merry Christmas, don't have too much fun without me
Yara: Merry Christmas ❤️ this probably isn't the time but I was hoping you could send over your notes from the last conservation lecture, just wanna text you before I forget!
566-460-4374: I got your number from Kyle, this is Roderick, I saw you last night and wanted to check up on you, hope everything is okay and merry Christmas.
Lindsey: Hey, haven't talked to you in a while but my parents said some stuff went down, just wanna make sure you're okay.
Ellie: Lmk if you need a ride back to our place
Ellie: Don't know if you can even see this but I got all of your stuff off the lawn, I promise it's safe 👍
Naomi: I'm so sorry
Naomi: I didn't think that would happen
Naomi: I didn't know what to do
Naomi: I love you
Aaron: U good?
Naomi: Please don't hate me, I'm sorry I didn't do anything
Elijah: Sorry but I wish you didn't tell Dad that
Naomi: I'll try to talk to Dad
Elijah: Hope you're safe
Elijah: Call me when you can
Still, there wasn't any word from either of my parents. I replied returning well wishes and assuring everyone that I was okay, I turned my phone onto Do Not Disturb and began to watch the Hunger Games on my phone. The room would've been pitch black if it wasn't for the blue light from my screen and the gentle beams of moonlight gliding through the window.
Ellie walks into the room after she finishes with her shower, she's in sweatpants and an old hoodie that she got from a rodeo, I had the same one, and we bought them together. I glance up at her before looking back at my movie and pulling the quilt further up my body. "You still like the Hunger Games?"
"Yeah," I say, being as brief as possible.
"You should take my bed and I'll sleep on the air mattress," Ellie says while she ties her hair into a low ponytail.
"I'm fine here, thanks."
"Seriously," Ellie is standing awkwardly at the foot of her bed, waiting for me to do something.
I shut my phone off and turned on my other side to face away from her "Just go to bed."
Ellie runs her hands down her face in frustration, she's starting to feel like an asshole "Please take the bed, it's the least I can do." I ignore her so she speaks again "I am begging you," She tells me bluntly "I feel like a dick and it would make me feel better if you just took the bed."
"You are a dick," I answer, she should've seen this response coming from a mile away.
"Please take the bed."
I sit up to look at her, frustration now boiling up inside of me "You're going to be nice now because you feel bad for me?"
"That's not why-
"It is actually," I tell her "This will last for a few days and then we'll go home and you'll be a cunt all over again, fucking keeping a list of everything I lay a finger on so you can say it's my fault if it breaks." She bites the inside of her cheek, that's her tell. Every time she does that I can tell that I've gotten under her skin. "You'll still act like you don't know me and I'm just some weird girl who thinks the world of you, I know what you say to those girls you have over, the walls aren't that thick." My insides ache from all of the screaming and crying of the past couple of days "And I know that I hurt you and I've told you a million times over that I'm sorry, you don't get to start having empathy for me now."
Ellie's silent again, she can't seem to find the words, so instead she slips under the covers of her bed, giving up. Minutes pass us, we've slept in this room together a thousand times but this time it's different, we don't share her queen bed and stay up all night watching the walking dead and talking shit about people at our school, we lay in the uncomfortable silence. We're grown but in this moment I still feel like a child searching for her mother's hand to guide her, I feel like my teeth still need to fall out so brighter, stronger ones can take their place, that the baby fat has yet to shed from my bones.
"I didn't know that you liked girls," Ellie said, breaking the silence "And I shouldn't have assumed that stuff about your parents." I don't respond to her, though she knows that I heard her. "I lied that night when you moved in."
"What?"
"I got all bitchy and said that you don't even cross my mind, I was lying," She's confessing to me as if I'm a priest "There wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think about you."
I'm not doing well.
I want nothing more than to crawl into bed next to Ellie and just hug her until I fall asleep but the resentment I've garnered for her these past months refrains me.
"I don't know if you ever knew this, but back in high school I had a bit of a crush on you," She says and my break hitches in my throat "Hey, you there?"
'I don't know if you ever knew this but I turned myself inside out trying not to be in love with you.' I don't say that, instead, I say "Goodnight, Ellie, Merry Christmas."
"Goodnight," She mutters, and like me, she turns her body to face away from me.
I don't feel mature in the slightest, I'm kept awake, haunted by shame and embarrassment. Ellie had seen me only one night prior, on my knees begging for love. We may be cold and calculated to one another now but I remember when she was a little girl who overwatered her plants because she didn't know how to stop giving.
TAG LIST I just tagged whoever wanted a part two: @elliesaesp @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @elliesaturnsoftdrink @mikellie @melanie-watermelon @skylerwhitwyo
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ultralightpoe · 6 months
Text
Full House ll - Eddie Munson
Authors Note: Went from cute fluff to straight angst. Sorry?
Warnings: Domestic Violence (not Eddie and reader though), angst angst angst. A fight.
Word count: 10,009 (ohhhhhh boy)
Part l HERE
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(THANK YOU FOR THE GIF @feodor-dostoevsky)
(Warning. This chapter contains hints of domestic violence and if any of my readers are going through that you deserve better. I love you all, also Motley will be showing signs of abuse this chapter. It's a long chapter that I'm really nervous about and I really hope you guys like it <3)
Enjoy!
Eddie had been in a pissy mood on Halloween morning of his second year as a senior, mostly because his friends that had graduated last year were all going out to awesome college parties and he was stuck redoing school. Embarrassed and alone. 
But he sucked it up, wearing his favorite leather jean combo as he walked into the halls of hell, keeping his head down while people passed by him in a flurry, excitement and laughter in the air. 
He had planned to just keep his head down and make it to class, no need to get into something with Harrington and his cronies. He had enough of their teasing and bullshit to get him by for the rest of the year. 
Normally it was fine since he had friends, but now he was alone. 
A body slamming into a locker pulls his attention to where someone in a rustic leather jacket was slamming one of the juniors into the wall of metal. The kid being assaulted was called Jeff, he was the only black kid in the grade and Eddie had seen him around a lot. The kid didn’t hang out with anyone and seemed lonely. 
Shit. 
The one slamming him was Billy Hargrove, a new kid that seemed to immediately become one of the cool ones. He spent most his classes not caring and any free time harassing everyone else. Eddie had his fair share of issues with him already. 
It would be a good idea to just walk away and let them handle this on their own, but Eddie could not do that. If there was one thing his dad taught him it was that he could take a punch and his Uncle Wayne always told him that you should always stand up for the weaker man. Even if Eddie wasn’t strong enough to beat Billy “steroids” Hargrove, he was strong enough to take a hit for someone else. 
A sigh falls through him as he makes his way over, tapping the shoulder of the assailant quickly, the second Billy has his eyes on him Eddie shoves him quickly. 
Billy reacts in an instant, hands clenching into his jacket, swinging Eddie around until it was his back being slammed into the lockers. A grunt passes his lips as he sends Jeff a quick look to escape while he can, the kid gives him a grateful smile as he snatches his backpack and dashes off. 
“If it isn’t the super senior!” Billy laughs bitterly, pulling Eddie forward and shoving him back into the lockers harshly. 
Don’t hit him. Don’t hit him. Don’t hit him. 
“What you doing here bud?! Trying to get your ass-“ Eddie loses some of his patience after the third hit into the lockers and hits Billy’s hands off of him, shoving him back enough that Billy nearly trips over his feet. 
Gasps fall from the crowd as Billy glares, staring wide eyed at him as he sneers. Eddie tries to play it cool, the anticipation of a fight howling beneath his skin as he preps himself. 
Before they can get into it Steve Harrington pops up, his back to Eddie as he watches Billy. “Not that I don't want to see how the freak handles business but the principal is on the way.” 
Billy casts one more glare, walking off quickly as Harrington turns to Eddie. 
“You stupid or some-“ 
“Yeah yeah. We get it Harrington. I’m a repeat senior.” Eddie snaps, rolling his shoulders to relieve some of the pain. “Why don’t you find a new joke?” 
“Sorry, I was just trying to make sure you were good.” Steve sighs, rubbing the back of his neck before moving to pick up what Eddie had dropped. 
“I don’t need help from you.” Eddie snaps, snatching the lunch box he had gotten from Uncle Wayne and walking off quickly. 
-
Eddie had spent the better part of that year dealing with Hargroves shit, the only thing that made him feel better was the fact that Steve Harrington seemed to be having his own issues with Billy. Then the summer between his second senior year and his third Billy Hargrove died. 
Eddie had avoided the pool that entire summer but he heard about it from Jeff the day the mall caught on fire. The next thing he knew Max was moving into the trailer near his and Wayne’s and everyone was bothering her and her mother about it all but they seemed like they didn’t want to talk about it. 
After he dealt with VECNA they all explained a little about what happened, and when El closed the gates and fixed the time warp she ended up bringing a couple people back. That’s how he came back. 
No one had seen Billy, so everyone assumed he didn’t come back. Even Barb had shown back up (though her memory was hazy on everything). 
Now, Billy Hargrove stood in the doorway of his home, catching Motley when she ran to him with an easy smile. “There’s my baby!” 
Eddie doesn’t know what to do, stuck between anger and shock, watching this play out before him as Ziggy grabs at his jaw. The little toddler leans to kiss his cheek, a wet open mouth kiss that normally makes Eddie laugh, but this time he just stands there. Waiting for the “just kidding!” Or someone to pinch him so he can wake up. 
“Sugar,” Billy starts, keeping Motley in his arms as he stares at Eddie. It takes him a moment to realize that when he says sugar he is talking to you. “Why is there a drug dealer holding my daughter?” 
“I can explain-“ you start, watching Eddie angrily set up the crib in your shared room, jaw tensed and eyes heavy with anger. “Eds please.” 
“You don’t need to explain.” He snaps, turning quickly. “No actually. You do. What the fuck?”
“I met him a couple years back. Okay? It was a one night stand from a bar, he was new in town and I ended up getting pregnant. After that he said he wanted to stay together because of the baby and I didn’t want to parent alone so I said yes-“ 
“So you’d rather have parented with a racist jackass then?” He laughs bitterly. You draw back, eyes wide as he does so before he sees you get defensive. 
“I didn’t know about any of that. Okay? He was sweet with me for the most part-“ 
“For the most part?” 
“He had moments of anger, sometimes I got hit. But he always made up for it. And then I got pregnant again and I thought I was happy and then….” You trail off then, shaking a bit. “I left for a reason.” 
“He hit you? More than once?” Eddie bites out, hands on his hips. 
“It was fine-“ 
“No no no. It wasn’t fine. But the fact that you’re saying it was fine and you say he made up for it means that you didn’t leave because he hit you, you left for another reason.” He sees you get nervous under his gaze and he knows he’s figuring out. Anger coursed through him at the fact that Billy had ever laid a hand on you in the first place but it’s beginning to reach tenfold when he puts the pieces together. “He hit Motley?” 
“I-“
“You were okay with him hitting you, which makes me upset that you thought you deserved that, but the second he hit Motley you ran.” He fills in the blanks, watching as you crumble before his eyes with tears falling freely. 
“Ohmygod-“ you sob, covering your eyes. 
“And that’s why you’re so weird around Max because when you came out here you recognized her, right? And when we all shared the truth of what happened you recognized Billy in it? And you didn’t say anything because-“ 
“What was I supposed to say Eddie?! That I was dumb enough to fall for it?! That I slept with a racist abusive asshole one night drunk and then agreed to let him move in with me because I was scared even though I knew nothing about him?!” You snap, tears streaming down your face. “You guys would have thought the worst of me. You guys are going to think the worst of me- maybe I should just grab the girls and go get a hotel-“
“Hey hey hey.” He eases, reaching for you as you stand up to leave. His hands find your hips and he pulls you in for a hug. “No. I’m sorry.” 
“Don’t be sorry-“ 
“I’m sorry. I’m over reacting and being a pain in the ass because I’m surprised is all.” He mumbles, kissing your head and keeping his nose pressed into your hair. “You are very brave for leaving him, yeah? And I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, you’re not stupid you were just played. You always think the best of people and you are so fucking brave for getting the girls out of there.” 
He lets you sob into his chest for a minute, rubbing your back in comfort as he holds you to him tightly. 
Eddie was gonna figure this out. He was gonna find a way to get Billy Hargrove out of his life for good. 
-
The morning was always filled with excitement, mostly on Motley's part. She loved getting ready for the day, for all the things she would do. She loved talking yours and Eddie’s ear off about the plans for the day. Then she would be crankier when she got home and she knew it was time for bed, but Eddie loved her in the mornings because he loved seeing her excitement. 
He wore his glasses in the morning, while he helped get them ready for the day since you both liked to tag team the morning and get the process done faster. This morning was his turn for Motley, who currently sat at the table blabbering on about how she was excited for secret santa while Eddie sat at the stove watching the pancakes bubble. 
“-and I keep thinking what if Vinny gets me? He will probably get me the dumbest thing ever and I would be so upset. But what if Troy gets me, oh I hope Troy gets my name- Daddy are you listening?” 
“I’m listening, pretty girl.” He smiles, looking over her shoulder where she sat coloring. “You hope Troy gets you. Cause you have a big ole crush on him.” 
“DO NOT!” She yells which makes him laugh and turn back to the pancakes. Before he knows it he feels a pair of arms wrap around him, with you kissing along his exposed back slowly while ge fights off the blush. 
“You cooking bacon without a shirt, handsome?” You smile and he tries not to laugh. 
“I can’t feel half the skin on my stomach anyways.” The scars made sure of that. “You want a piece of bacon?” 
“I’ll wait to eat with you and the girls. Did we get any yogurt on our last trip to the store?” You ask, moving to the fridge to check. Eddie takes a moment to admire you before looking to where Ziggy sits in her high chair, playing with a piece of paper that Motley gave her. 
“Morning metal head.” He coos, walking forward to kiss her head. She giggles and claps before Motley follows what Eddie did, kissing her sisters head. 
“Come here Daddy.” She smiles, and he bends down to let her kiss his forehead which makes her laugh. 
He sets them both up with plates, eating breakfast quickly before rushing to get a shirt on as you bring them both to the door to get them in shoes. When he gets back he finds Motley with her arms crossed and shaking her head. 
“What’s going on?” 
“She found out Steve is taking her to school.” You sigh, trying to grab her foot. 
“I want Papa to take me. He said he wanted to!” She snaps and Eddie watches you tense up, choosing to intervene here. 
“I got this, go grab her bag.” He smiles, switching spots with you. “Alright. No playing around. Metalheads put their shoes on when told.” 
“But daddy-“ 
“Ah.” He holds up a finger and she sighs before grabbing the left shoe and moving to put it on her right. “Wait. This is a good time to teach you left from right.” 
“I’ve got time.” She smiles , watching him. 
“Alright. This is left,” he holds out his left hand, the metal bracelet he always wears drawing Ziggys attention as she waddles closer. 
Motley holds out her right hand, repeating “left.” 
“No. That’s right.” 
“I’m right?” 
“No. That hand is right.” 
“Yeah daddy. I know I’m right.” She scoffs, staring at him like he’s insane. 
“No pretty girl. You’re opposite of me, like a mirror. So if this is my left hand you’re left hand would be….” He picks up her left hand, wiggling it a bit. 
“Oh. So this would be my right hand.” She mumbles, shaking her right hand. 
“Exactly. So if this is your left shoe it would go on…..” 
“MY LEFT FOOT!” She yells excitedly which makes him smile. 
“You got it! You rockstar!” He helps her tie it, letting her rest her foot on his thigh before switching the feet and tying the next shoe. 
“We ready to go?” You ask, coming around the corner and smiling. 
“Daddy taught me my left from right, Mommy!” She giggles, rushing to get her bag and holding your hand as you lead her out of the house with Eddie close behind, Ziggy in his arms trying to reach for the bandana on his head. 
“Hey Uncle Steve,” she calls, running up to him to hug him. “I know my left from right!” 
“You’re a genius kid!” He smiles. You pull her attention, kissing her forehead before kissing Steve’s cheek. Eddie follows, kissing Motley then snatching Steve and kissing his cheek which makes everyone laugh. Ziggy coos the second she sees Steve and he instantly makes grabby hands at her. 
“There she is, my pretty little angel.” He coos, bouncing her up and down as Motley climbs in his car between his two sons. Vinny glares while Jackson waves his grubby little hands. The kid was four and thought the best thing to eat was a crayon. 
“You know what gender the baby is yet?” You ask, watching Steve with Ziggy. 
“No. But Nancy is sure it’s another boy.” He sighs out. “And she wants to name one after her brother.” 
“Do we need another Mike?” Eddie laughs which makes Steve laugh as well. 
“That’s what I said!”
“Alright, I have to head off. Drop Ziggy off at daycare before work. Have a wonderful day boys.” You smile, grabbing Ziggy from Steve who sighs in disappointment, before kissing Eddie and heading off to your car. 
Steve turns to Eddie, a raised brow, he opens his mouth to start asking but Eddie holds up a hand. “Nuh uh. We don’t talk about within hearing age of Motley.”
“Why’s that?” Steve asks, squinting. “She get upset?”
“The opposite.”
“But the guys a massive dick!”
“And that’s her dad.”
“You’re her dad.”
“No, I’m the step dad.” Eddie sighs, something clenching in his gut. “I gotta get going. Thanks for dropping Motty off.”
The thought that he was just the step dad stuck, it clung to him like a second skin, sticking like a shadow over the sun. He thought about it while he tucked the girls in, and when he woke them up. He worried over the thought of Billy fighting for custody and turning the girls against Eddie. 
He was just the step-dad. 
This is what he was thinking about as he changed the oil on one of the cars in the shop, a frown stuck to his face as music played in the background. It was Dylans, the other repairman that worked today, turn for the stereo and he was playing all the rock hits. Which included ‘rock you like a hurricane.’
And all Eddie could imagine was his girls having a dance party but instead of him being there it was Billy. Billy dancing with them to all the music and-
“HI DADDY!” Motley shouts, making Eddie gasp in shock, whipping his head to find her on all fours so she could see him under the car. 
“Hi pretty girl.” He smiles, using the cart to roll out from under the car and sit up, whipping the bandana off his hair as she whirls around the car to attack him, roaring like a tiger as she jumps on him. “What are you doing here?”
“School let out early today, they have their christmas party tomorrow and then winter break.” You explain, walking around the car with Ziggy on your hip, still wearing the cute diner uniform. “Motley wanted to come grab you for lunch.”
“Oh yeah?” He smiles, laughing when she slips a bit and he has to catch her before she hits the floor. “Where do you wanna go?”
“Pizza.”
“Pizza?!” He acts shocked, eyes wide as she begins laughing. “Well I don’t know about that…. I don’t really know if I like pizza.”
“You LOVE pizza.” She scoffs, jumping up and dashing to the radio to turn it down. “Does Dylan want pizza?”
“Why thank you for asking little lady.” Dylan smiles, wiping his hands on his suit. “I love pizza.”
“Hear that daddy? We have to go get pizza for Dylan.” Motley sasses, coming back over to snatch Eddie’s bigger hand between her own. “Get uppppp!”
She groans as she tries to lift him, and Eddie picks himself up so she thinks she was able to do it. “Jesus you are strong.”
“I pulled a secret santa today, and you’ll never guess who I got!”
“Troy?” 
“No.” She sighs, disappointed for just a moment before her face lights up again. “I got Samantha, she likes jump rope.”
“Yeah? Is that what we are gonna get her then?” He chuckles, moving to wash his hands as you go and put Ziggy in the car. 
“Well I don’t know. I don’t want my gift to be too basic and not surprising. But I want to make sure she actually likes it. And do you think-” Eddie lets her ramble, grabbing her hand and leading her to the car as she goes on and on about the ideas she has for gifts. 
-
The store was busy when Eddie took Motley Christmas shopping, holding her hand in his own as walked across the street and headed into the warmth. He had been more focused on making sure she wore a coat then grabbing a coat heavy enough for himself. 
The second she is in the store her eyes widen and she makes a mad dash to the kids aisle, Eddie right behind her trying to slow her down a bit. 
“Alright, take a look and see what you might like to get Samantha.” He huffs, breathing into his palms to warm up his face, ignoring the weird look he gets from a do-good mom passing by in her expensive shoes. 
He had gotten used to the looks by now, it’s not like he screamed father with his leather jacket and tattoos, but you always told him that he was a better father than any country club dad you had ever met. And he was constantly lecturing Motley that ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts’ so how would this be different?
“How about this?” She asks, picking up a barbie car that makes Eddie’s eyes go wide. 
“Isn’t there a price limit on this thing?” He blurts, moving to check before she is completely gone and looking at something else. 
“Can I get a dollhouse?”
“For Samantha?”
“No, for me silly..” She laughs, like it was the most obvious thing.
“We are supposed to be shopping for your secret santa cheeseball.”
“Oh, right.” She sighs, moving back to the barbies. “How about for christmas?”
“Have you asked Santa?” Eddie smiles, and she shakes her head. “We’ll write a letter tonight, then.”
“Okay.” She giggles before pointing to a ken doll. “Hey daddy?”
“Yeah?”
“Santa already answered my wish this year.” She mumbles which makes Eddie look at her curiously. “Last year I asked Santa to bring my dad back. And he did even better.”
Eddie’s heart practically shatters as he tries to smile at her, the vast empty feeling at her words killing him. Of course, what little girl didn’t want her dad on christmas, and she wanted Billy. 
-
Steve was suspicious of him the entire Christmas party, giving Eddie the side eye every chance he could while you sat not far off with Nancy gossiping amongst yourselves. 
Steve was room mother, and as much as Eddie made fun of him for it his friend was an amazing room mother. He had thrown the class’ holiday party at his house rather than that stuffy classroom so that the parents could come as well. His house, which was already insanely decorated for Christmas, had tons of ‘activity stations’ for the kids to do. Motley and Vinny were currently arguing over what color gumdrops they wanted to put on their gingerbread house. 
Charles, Samantha's dad as Eddie found out, had wavered off after talking to Steve and himself for the past hour and finally the two men were left alone. “Who knew parenthood would be just like highschool again?”
“You’re telling me.” Steve snickers. “I feel like-”
“King Steve again?” Eddie taunts, shaking his head. 
“Oh no no. You can’t make fun of me since you’re apart of the cool kid club this round.”
“No I’m not-”
“Oh yes you are. Please, everyone talks about you and Y/n. One, all the moms think you are attractive and so gentleman like for taking on the girls. Two. The dads are jealous of you cause you have this cool rock thing going on while still being a parent. Three, everyone loves Motley. She is the class princess. Everyone wants to play with her at christmas, if she shows up to their birthday party then their year is made. Admit it Munson, you’re raising a prom queen.”
“I don’t think I have much to do on that front, and it’s more to do with I’m your friend and you are the Room Mom.”
“Shh not so loud.” Steve mutters. “Nancy has been feeling a little guilty about being ‘less of a mom’ cause she spends all day at work. I tried telling her it was fine but she thinks it’s a bad look that her husband is room mom and not the actual mom.”
“I don’t think it’s a bad look. I think it shows that Vinny is being raised by two people who understand life a little better than other stuck up parents.” 
“Thanks pal.” Steve sighs, leading them away so Eddie can go up and check on where they put Ziggy to nap. Steve had been nice enough to set up a little crib in his room so she wouldn’t have to be dragged around the party. 
They catch up on everything, Steve complains that he think Jaxon might just be a freaky kid considering the amount of crayons and pencils he eats and how Nancy babies him. He complains that Mike is the worst uncle and never actually helps but always claims to do so. 
Eddie catches Steve up on the Billy situation, which had shocked the group to no end. 
“He’s been calling everyday, arguing that he should get visitation.” Eddie sighs, taking a swig from the beer Steve smuggled for them. 
“That’s bullshit. Tell him no.”
“Y/n is worried that he could fight and get full custody.”
“Why on earth-”
“Because she took the girls and ran. She did it for their safety but the court will never look at it like that.” Eddie sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “All they will see is Hawkins very own mall hero being abandoned as she runs to Hawkins very own freak.”
“Motley and Y/n don’t think of you as a freak.”
“Maybe not. But Motley adores Billy, and that leaves me on the sidelines.”
“That’s not fair.” Steve sighs but Eddie shrugs. 
“You know how long I hated Wayne for taking me from my dad? That man hit me and all I did for years was look up to him and try to be better. I pushed away anyone that actually cared. I know what she is going through right now, and I don’t want to be the one to ruin that love she has for her dad. Shit person or not.”
“Would you rather ruin her dad for her or have her heart broken when she is exposed to him on her own?”
“I think if he ever hurt her I would actually-”
“Kill him. I’m so in.” Steve finishes the sentence before there is a quick knock on the door. 
“Dad!” Vinny whines. “Where’s the gift?! We are doing secret santa!”
Steve sighs, moving to his dresser to grab the wrapped gift before handing it to his son. Eddie waits to follow Vinny, surprised when he turns to him rather than immediately running away. 
“Will Motley like this wrapping paper?”
“Yeah? I think she’d love it.” Eddie smiles, watching in shock as the kids dashes out. “He got Motley? Bet he hated that.”
“Nah, he was worried she might now like the barbie car.”
“Wasn’t there a price limit on this thing?” Eddie asks, raising a brow. 
“My kid is head over heels for your daughter Munson. Just be happy Troy didn’t get her. Little punk thinks he’s everything.” Steve scoffs, walking past Eddie and mumbling under his breath about Troy being a little shit. 
-
There was a new form of hell to Eddie, not having his girls under the same roof was that hell. After a very long argument it was agreed that Billy would get them for the night, they would have a fun time at the shitty motel room. 
So, after a long night of pacing back and forth, Billy finally dropped the girls off around noon, smoking easily as he carried Ziggy’s car seat in one hand. 
“Really? Right by her?” Eddie snaps, grabbing the handle carefully as Ziggy coos up at him. 
“Didn’t think you would be one to care, Munson.” Billy laughs, looking past him to where Motley stood with a grumpy look and her bag around her shoulder. “You used to make sure our class was coked out just fine.”
“Motty go inside.” Eddie sighs, moving to open the door for her, getting a little nervous when she glares and stomps in. “Has she eaten?”
Only when he turns back to ask Billy the jackass is already halfway in his car, sending a cocky smile in Eddie’s direction as he turns the speaker up loud. 
Now left alone with the two girls since you were at work Eddie shuffles inside to go find where Motley stomped off to, finding her in her room sitting on the floor and playing with a toy he didn’t recognize. 
“New barbie?” He smiles, watching her carefully. This was the first time she had ever gone with her dad and he didn't know what to expect, maybe he had been hoping for a hug or kiss. “She’s very pretty-”
“Papa got her for me.” She bites out, voice dripping with attitude. 
“Okay. You hungry? I can make you-”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” She screams, rushing to slam her door in his face, the tiffany poster she had on it staring back at him as he blinks in shock. There had been fits, a couple of screaming fits, she sometimes called him meanie head when he told her not to do something. But she had never before slammed a door in his face. 
Not really knowing what to do he decided to focus on bathing Ziggy first, making sure the smoke scent didn’t cling to her before setting her up to eat something. 
A couple hours later you came home, a nervous smile on your face as you looked at him only to realize he was upset. 
“What happened?” 
“She’s upset, won’t come out of her room.” He sighs. 
“Let me go check on her.” You mumble, kissing him before heading to her room and knocking softly. “Hey bugs? Why don’t you come out and say hi? Daddy can make something for dinner-“ 
“Eddie can fuck off!” She screams, which makes you freeze as Eddie’s heart drops and he leans his forehead on the wall. 
“Motley Marie-“
“NO!” She screams from the other side of the door and Eddie feels like he might throw up. 
“Maybe I should go to Wayne’s tonight?” He offers, shaking a bit as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “I need to help him fix the replace his fridge anyways” 
“Eds, no.” You mumble, tears welling up in your eyes as you shuffle closer. “She’ll be fine in a bit. We just need to get her to eat and-“ 
“She’s not gonna come out to eat if I’m here. I’ll come back tomorrow to see if she’s feeling better. Okay?” He tries, rubbing your arms in a comforting manner. “Just one night, maybe she will eat and calm down” 
You shake your head, crying, but you both already know the answer. And Eddie already knows this might not work out for him. 
-
After packing an overnight bag and heading off he makes it to his Uncle Wayne’s and spends the night there, hoping Motley would feel better if he wasn’t there. 
He helps Wayne sort out the kitchen, both of them planning on switching the fridges out in the morning now that his is empty. So, later in the night, Eddie lays on the couch staring at the ceiling. 
He couldn’t fall asleep without you beside him and he’s used to seeing the hall light under the door so the girls could see if they needed to get to the bathroom or your room. 
He tossed and turned, doing his best not to get too upset at all of it before he began thinking about all the ways this could go wrong. 
He never wanted to hurt the girls, and as much as he loved them and loved you there was always that thing about “if you love someone set them free.” So, as much as he hated it, he figured maybe it was time for some breathing space. Let Motley learn about her biological dad for a bit, and he would take whatever he could get even if it was just a dinner a month. Anything to make sure she didn’t hate him forever. 
So, around 6am, when he finally managed to close his eyes and get some sleep he had decided that the best plan of action was to give his girls breathing room. 
-
When he woke up Wayne was already starting on the fridge, which made Eddie realize just how much he had slept in. Jumping up quickly to start helping, he didn’t think to call you. 
They spent the next few hours moving the fridges and getting the new one set up, making sure everything was working before hauling the old one to the junkyard. By the time they were done the sun was going down and Eddie was starving so Wayne offered to order a pizza. 
The only problem was your car was at the trailer when they got back, with you sitting on the hood smiling at him as Wayne pulled his truck up to park. 
“Hi Grandpa Wayne.” You called which made the older man smile and hop out quickly to give you a kiss before moving to say hi to the girls in the back seat. 
Eddie moves to hug you, kissing you deeply before you pull back and smile. “You didn’t call, and we called this morning but no answer so I figured you boys were busy.”
“Sorry. I slept a little late and we were fighting that damn fridge all day.” He smiles. 
“We were thinking about going and getting dinner tonight, thought we’d come pick up daddy.” You offer, holding his hand. He casts a quick look to where Motley is sitting in the backseat, laughing as Wayne pretends to steal her book. 
Breathing room. 
“I actually got more stuff to help Wayne with. That okay?”  He could see you visibly deplete, trying your best to keep smiling. 
“Of course that’s okay. Just don’t forget to call okay?” 
“I won’t.” 
“You wanna say bye to the girls?” 
“I….Not tonight.” He feels like he’s stabbed himself in the gut and twisted the knife, his throat tightening up with the urge to cry. “I love you.” 
“I love you too.” You mumble. “And you’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” 
“Right.” He smiles, leaning to kiss your cheek. When you kiss him one last time you move to Wayne, tearing up a bit. 
“Enjoy your handyman Wayne. But I expect him back tomorrow by dinner, got it grandpa?” 
Wayne, to his credit, smiles politely and nods. Mumbling something about making Eddie work overtime as you laugh, he hears Ziggy blubber sadly, probably upset that she’s in her car seat. 
He spots Motley when you open your door to get in, leaning against the window already staring at him. There is a glum look on her expression and Eddie feels that stab wound tighten. She hates him, she can’t even smile when she sees him anymore. Billy must have told her what a fuckimg freak he was. 
Instead of crawling into the hole he wants to, he merely raises a hand slowly to wave, attempting to seem like everything was fine. 
She raised her own hand, and Eddie thinks he’s mistaken when she presses it to the glass of the window as you drive off. 
“You okay?” Wayne asks, rubbing his boys shoulder. 
“Not really.” 
-
True to his word Eddie calls the next morning, only to be surprised when he hears Motleys voice answer. 
“Hello?” She asks. 
“Hey Mot…ley.” Eddie panics , thinking that she might now like her nicknames now. “I called for your ma.” 
“Oh.” She mumbles, obviously disappointed that it was him. “I can go get her……” 
“Not if she’s busy, okay? I can call back later.” He hears her set the phone down and scamper off, feet hitting the hardwood of the kitchen as she rushes to find you. A couple minutes goes by and he hears both your voices trickle back into hearing distance, probably from the downstairs hallway. 
“- dy Eddie. He just wanted to talk to you.” He hears Motley mumble, and that shooting pain was back. Eddie. She called him Eddie again. 
Panic claws at him as he hears your footsteps get closer and he hangs up quickly, wiping the tears from his eyes. 
-
After helping Wayne around the trailer he returns that evening, feeling lame and tired. Kicking his shoes off in the doorway, hearing your music downstairs which tells him you had probably started reading once putting the girls to bed. 
He planned to shower and then go see you, so he makes his way to the room, shucking his jacket off and tossing it on the bed in the dark. 
“Heyyy.” Someone whines, making him stop and look to the bed to see Motley climbing out from the blankets and pillows, eyes wide. “Watch it.” 
“Sorry kid,” he smiles, moving to grab the jacket. “Didn’t see ya there.” 
She giggles softly, moving to the middle of the bed and turning on the light before going back to her spot. He gives her a soft smile before moving to grab clothes and heading to the master bathroom only for her to call out. 
“I’m sorry.” 
“For what?” He asks, turning with wide eyes. 
“I’m sorry I was mean and hurt your feelings. I’m sorry I made you mad.” Tears well in her eyes as she says it which makes his chest clench. 
“Hey hey. I’m not mad.” He says softly, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, she immediately crawls over and crawls into his lap. 
“You are! That’s why you didn’t want to come home!” She cries. “You hate me now.” 
“No no. Take a breath.” He tries to calm her down, rubbing her back in soft circles as she sucks in a deep breath. 
“I made you mad…”
“You didn’t make me mad, I just had to help Grandpa Wayne with some stuff. He’s old now. He needs help.” Eddie offers, still rubbing her back. She calms down a bit, face pressed into his chest as she slowly puts herself back to sleep. 
He carries her into her own room, making sure she’s nice and comfortable when he tucks her in before going back to the master bedroom to shower. 
When he comes back out he finds you waiting on the bed, a smile smile tugging st your lips. “Hey stud.” 
“Hi baby,” he whispers, moving to lay down. He gives you one kiss before laying down and shoving his face into the pillow quickly, desperate to sleep. 
“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask, rubbing a hand on his back. 
“Nothing to talk about. I’m fine. Just wanted to give her space is all.” He sighs. 
“She loves you Eddie.” 
“I know.” He lies, closing his eyes to sleep 
-
Motley spent the next day at the Harrington household while Eddie and you went to shop for some last minute gifts you hadn’t gotten at the beginning of the month. 
With Christmas being only a week away now you were beginning to panic and Eddie was doing his best to ease your anxieties as you tried to think of what the girls would want. 
“I think we got everything.” You sigh out when you make it to the car, Eddie pushing the cart filled to the brim with bags as he rubs your back. There was something off about you today and he felt guilty that he hadn’t come home until late last night. 
“I think we did.” He moves away only to open the back of the van, beginning to pile all the bags in before he hears you gag and dash to the chunk of grass he parked near. 
“Shit- “ he snaps, tripping over himself as he tries to get to you to hold your hair. “You okay? Nervous about Christmas?” 
“Y-yeah…” you whine, rubbing the back of your hand under your nose to wipe the snot after you finish puking. “Over stressed myself is all.” 
He sighs, helping you up and getting you set up in the van before moving to finish his original task. 
He spends the rest of the day making sure you’re okay and wrapping the gifts. He tries to change his handwriting on the tags so Motley would think other people were signing them. Make her think she got a gift from Santa and the elves and one from Mrs. Claus before he took his coffee grounds and make a hoof print on the gift he had made from Rudolph. 
He hides them all in the basements laundry room, moving to wake you up when he’s done. 
-
Two days before Christmas Eve Motley and Ziggy go with Billy again, and Eddie makes himself scarce when they are dropped back off the next day, wanting to give Motley room to breathe in case she needs it. 
He hides in the basement, keeping his headphones in as he practices guitar, hearing the echo of stomping around upstairs. She had come home in another mood, that much he had figured out by the sounds of her yelling when she came in. 
The phone rings in the distance and Eddie ignores everything as he practices more riffs until your in front of him with a small smile. “That was Gareth. They wanted to rehearse? Asked if you could head over.” 
“Oh?” He asks, standing up. The perfect excuse to give Motley some space without hurting anyone’s feelings had just arrived and he was gonna take it. “I’ll head over now.” 
“Are you gonna be home for dinner?” You ask softly, face tense with worry and exhaustion. 
“We’ll probably practice too late.” He sighs, kissing you before moving to walk away. 
“Eds?” You call, making him look back at you as you stress. “Y-you’re okay…… right?” 
“I’m okay.” He lies. Really he feels pathetic, useless, a lame ass excuse for a stepdad. ……he feels like his father. 
She just needs space.  He thinks to himself, smiling at you. But deep down he already knows it’s not working. He loves his girls but if they don’t love him back then he is just dragging them down. 
And his heart breaks at the thought of the inevitable. 
I don’t wanna say bye.
As he passes the hallway to pack clothes for the night he sees that the Tiffany poster on Motleys door had been ripped down the middle, and he risks a peek in to find it the missing piece wadded in the trash along with her fleetwood poster she got around thanksgiving. 
Sighing in defeat he shuffles to grab his bag and head out. 
-
 The morning of Christmas Eve he wakes up to find that sometime in the night Motley had crawled into bed with you and Eddie, curled up between you two with tear streaks down her face. 
Nightmares, nasty little things. 
He kisses her cheek lightly before getting up to get ready for work. By the time he is putting on his boots he finds her yawning and sitting up. 
“Are you leaving?” 
“Only for a bit.” He tries to sound positive. “I’ll be back soon.” 
“Swear it?” She asks, eyes wide. 
“Triple swear it.” He smiles back, and something eases in him when a smile breaks out across her face, going from ear to ear. 
So he leans to kiss her cheek, taking the good mood while he can before heading to work and coming back home by 5. Only to find Billy’s Camaro in the driveway when he does come home. 
Walking into the house, tense and tired from the day, to find Billy sitting on the couch as you work in the kitchen. You send him a quick look and Eddie follows, rushing into the kitchen with you. 
“He invited himself for dinner.” You whisper. 
“Why?” 
“Because Motley told me I couldn’t come for Christmas morning.” Billy snaps from the doorway, leaning on it like he owned the place. “Which is really fucking weird considering that I’m her dad. I should be able to see her on Christmas. And I can only assume that you’re the one saying no Munson.” 
“Hadn’t even known that we had that discussion but sure. I’ll take the hit.” Eddie smiles. “Cause you are 1000% banned from this house on Christmas Day.” 
“You can’t separate me from my kids.” Billy snaps. 
“We’re not. You can have dinner with us tonight, but you can’t be here tomorrow.” There were far too many people coming tomorrow that Eddie did not want having to deal with Billy, and he didn’t want your day being ruined by this asshat. 
“I’d prefer the dinner to be a family occasion” Billy snipes. “And last I checked you weren’t.” 
“Eddie is family.” You snipe back, backing up when Billy glared at you. “This is our home. His home. He stays.” 
And before he knew it everyone was seated at the table, in the most uncomfortable dinner of his life. You were just pushing food around your plate, while Eddie was doing his best to stay cool. 
“How are your grades Motley?” Billy asks, turning a heavy look to her. 
“I’m one of the top in my class-“ 
“One of?” Billy interrupts. 
“They have top three. They all tie in that spot so the kids don’t lose self esteem in the competition.” Eddie explains, tapping a ring on the table in annoyance. 
“That’s bullshit. If her grades are the best then that needs to be said-“ 
“She’s doing fine. Her grades will help win a pizza party at the end of the year.” You snap, rubbing her cheek. 
“I just want to make sure I’m not raising a retard that turns into a super senior.” 
“What’s that mean?” Motley asks, wide eyed as Ziggy shoves some spaghetti in her mouth. 
“Oh baby, it’s noth-“ you begin but Eddie cuts you off, looking her gently. 
“It means I wasn’t good in school. I got held back from graduating for three years. That’s right. I was held back another year after you…. Well you know.” 
“You got something to say to me, jackass?” 
“Not really.” Eddie snipes, picking up his plate and heading to the kitchen before he loses his temper. Lucky him that Billy was set to follow. 
“So this is where Motley gets all that attitude huh?! Some shit for brain pathetic piece of shit starts raising my daughter, showing her shit music and telling her the world is all rainbows and sunshine. Right?!” 
“We’ll she’s 7. The world is supposed to be a little brighter-“ Eddie starts, watching as Billy grabs the front of his jacket and shoves him into the cabinets behind him. 
“You think you’re something, huh?! Well you’re nothing more than a trailer trash piece of shit!” Billy yells in his face, and Eddie remains bland. Not letting any motion on his face as he shrugs. 
Motley was going to hate him. 
This would never work because your kids needed to come first, and Eddie knew that. He would always put them first. If he stayed with you Motley would soon begin to resent you. 
He couldn’t let that happen. 
“No. I don’t think I’m anything more than a piece of shit. I’m quite good in that life.” He shrugs. “And it’s not shit music that she was listening to, it was her choice of music. Music she liked, and if she likes it then it’s not shit.” 
Billy laughs bitterly, then Eddie can do nothing but watch his hand pull back into a fist, getting him right in the face. 
Pain shoots through his face as his head hits the cupboard behind him hearing the wood crack at the impact. Motley screams out loud “DADDY!” And Eddie assumes she’s screaming for Billy to stop. 
He didn’t want to hit her dad in front of her, so he took it. Punch after punch from Billy before you jump on the man’s back, hitting him to get him off Eddie. 
Billy pushes you off quickly, making you tumble to the floor as Motley runs for you before you try and ease her back. Eddie can’t feel his face but he knows it’s swollen and bloody, spitting out the taste of iron as he swipes a hand under his nose, pain shooting through him when he does so. 
Motley is still screaming, over and over “DADDY DADDY!” And when Billy takes one aggressive step over to where she is in your arms Eddie finally loses it. 
He shoves at Billy’s back, drawing his attention back and taking one quick swing across Billy’s cheek. One of his rings slices his cheek as Billy’s head whips to the side. But Eddie doesn’t stop, too built up on protective rage. 
Ziggy is screaming in the background, Motley crying for her dad while you hold her back. Eddie takes a couple more hits, pushing Billy to the door so they wouldn’t have an audience. Only problem is the second Eddie pushes Billy out he finds a cop car already waiting, the cop hopping out and rushing to the scene. 
-
Christmas morning was spent inside a jail cell with a broken nose, Eddie laying on one of the benches staring up at the ceiling and trying not to think about how much his face hurt right now. 
One of the neighbors had heard yelling and called the cops, who had taken 15 minutes to respond. And since Eddie didn’t start hitting back until the end he could only assume that meant he had taken nearly 15 minutes of that beating. 
What a fucking coward. 
He had hit Billy in front of Motley. Oh my god her entire Christmas would be ruined right now. He was an absolute piece of shit. 
“Hey kid?” Someone calls, making Eddie try to open his unswollen eye and see. Hopper stood there in mundane clothes, sighing in disappointment. “Thought we agreed last time I arrested you that it would be the last time.” 
“What can I say?” He croaks out, dropping his head again. “I’m trailer trash. Always have been and always will be.” 
“Come on pity party.” Hopper sighs, unlocking the door. “You’ve been cleared. Witness statements.” 
So they had questioned you. Fuck. 
When he grabs his rings and jacket from the clerk he doesn’t bother putting them on, keeping everything in the bag including his chain and wallet. He puts the shoes on, groaning in pain when he bends over, before moving to see that Wayne had come to pick him up. 
“Uncle Wayne,” Eddie grunts, not bothering to smile due to the cut on his lip and cheek. 
Wayne doesn’t say anything, merely leads Eddie out, keeping a hand on his arm to help lead him to the car since he can only open one eye. 
When they are both jn Wayne lights a cigarette, handing it to his nephew. “Have some before we get there. Relax you a bit.” 
“Get where?”  
“Your house? It’s Christmas? We agreed I’d bring gifts for the girls and get a nice meal?” Wayne asks. 
“No. I’m not going there. Not like this and not after that.” Eddie snaps, tears falling from his eye as he thinks about it. That would just ruin Motleys Christmas even more. He couldn’t do that. 
“I just wanna sleep.” 
“Edward Wayne Munson.” 
“Wayne John Munson.” 
The sigh that falls from his uncles lips tells Eddie that he won. 
-
(A POV from you? Gasp!) 
After watching Eddie and Billy both get arrested you had to give a statement to the police, not like you could actually get a word out considering you were sobbing. 
Eddie was bleeding profusely and could barely open his eye when they dragged him to the car, Motley sobbing at your hip as they did so. The officer talking to you tried to calm you down, rubbing your back in a soothing motion that didn’t work and only stressed you out more. You begged them to let Eddie go but the officer said it was protocol and that you should call in the morning to give your statement. 
But you didn’t. You sat there with that cop until you calmed down and gave a proper statement, he said he would write a report and get it all sorted so you took Motley in. Getting both girls showered and ready for bed. After tucking them in, still crying, you found yourself moving to the kitchen to clean up the mess. Starting with the the broken glass that had fallen, then the dishes before you moved to scrub the floor, crying harder when you had to scrub Eddie’s blood. 
At some point Motley came out, rushing into your arms to keep sobbing so you took her back to yours and Eddie’s room to try and get her to sleep there. You put her in one of Eddie’s sweatshirts before laying with her and trying to calm her down. 
“He hurt daddy.” She sobs. 
“Honey, Eddie was just trying to-“ 
“No. Billy hurt Daddy.” She explains. “It’s my fault. I told him he couldn’t come over on Christmas!” 
There it was. You had wondered since Billy brought it up, you hadn’t said anything and Eddie hadn’t. So why had Motley? 
“Why would you do that Motley? That was an adult decision that you should have let me tell him. I don’t want you getting in trouble because-“ 
“He’s mean to daddy, I didn’t want him bullying daddy! Okay?!” She cries, swiping her cheeks. “But now Daddy hates me! He hates me mama!” 
“No. He doesn’t. He doesn’t hate you, okay?” 
“He does!” 
It took all but 30 minutes to lure Motley out of room after Eddie left for Wayne’s, promising her some chicken nuggets for dinner and that was it. 
She ate silently with you before bath time, then when you sat with her on the couch before her bedtime while Ziggy slept in her crib, you noticed her watching the door every 2 minutes. 
“What’s wrong?” You whisper, smoothing out her still damp hair. 
“Is daddy Eddie coming back for bedtime?” She asks, scratching her arm. “He always lays with me.” 
“He’s gonna be at Grandpa Wayne’s tonight. Helping him out with something. We will see him tomorrow, okay metalhead?” 
“Okay.” 
Only when you called the next morning there was no answer, Motley getting dressed beside you with a look of excitement on her face as it rang. 
“Is he there? Ask him when he’ll be home!” 
“He didn’t pick up ,baby, I’m sure they are busy. We will see him later okay? Maybe we can have dinner at the diner.” 
And that’s what she talked about for the rest of the day, you tried asking about her time at Billy’s but she simply shut the conversation down. By the time dinner time came about she was upset that Eddie hadn’t come back so you offered to go to Grandpa Wayne’s and pick them up. 
You had been there for about 5 minutes when the van pulled up and you could hear the gasps of excitement from Motley when Eddie hops out. 
Inviting him to dinner, only for Eddie to be nervous and say no. He looked upset, and you were beginning to panic deep down. 
Please don’t leave us. I love you. You wanted to say but you were pretty sure that would scare him off more. 
Who wanted the mother of two with the racist abusive ex? Right?
When you drove off without him Motley was just as upset. “Why didn’t he come mama?” 
“He had some more stuff to help with.” You answer, smiling at her through the mirror. 
“Why didn’t he say hi?” 
“He’s just not feeling good.” Lie lie lie. 
The next day you were doing laundry while Motley was dashing around upstairs and Ziggy was waddling around you. 
The sound of the phone ringing didn’t draw your attention since you were too busy trying to kick the washing machine into working. But when your daughter dashed down the stairs you looked at her. 
“PHONE!” 
“Who is it?”  You ask, laughing at her excitement as you snatch Ziggy up and follow her up the stairs. 
“Daddy Eddie. He just wants to talk to you though.” And you found yourself rushing to the phone, only when you got there it was just the dial tone. 
“Is he coming home? Can I do his hair when he gets back?” She asks hopefully. 
“Maybe later.” 
By the time you realized he was back Motley was on her own bed and the shower to your shared bathroom was running so you laid on the bed waiting for him to come out. 
When he did your heart beat out of your chest, nervous and in love. 
He laid down, face in the pillow as you let him know Motley loved him. 
All he could say was “I know” before falling asleep and you were heartbroken. 
He’s gonna leave. 
Two days before Christmas Eve when Motley is dropped off from Billys  he doesn’t say a word, merely tosses her bag at you as he slams his car door and drives off. 
Motley storms past you, pushing into the door as you carry Ziggy in, watching her in shock. “I HATE HIM AND I HATE YOU!” 
Eddie, who had been waiting in the kitchen, sulks downstairs to give her space and you feel a twist in your gut. “That’s not fair to Eddie, Mot.” 
“I’m not talking about Eddie. I’m talking about HIM!” She screams, stomping to her room and ripping the poster from her door. 
“Hey!” You snap, following her and trying to get her to stop as she tears down the Elvis and Fleetwood Mac poster. 
“I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! It’s bullshit!” She screams, slamming the door. Only she slams it so hard it creaks open a little. Before you could make it worse the phone rings and you find yourself heading downstairs to tell Eddie about the call. 
The excitement on his face breaks your heart as you realize he is so desperate to get away from you. Jesus you trapped him didn’t you? 
By the time Motley comes out of her room she looks around for a minute, sitting at the table. “Where’s daddy?” 
“Band practice.” You smile. 
“When will he be back?” 
“Don’t worry about that. Just eat.” You felt bad about the short answer. But you were upset about the way she was acting and you were upset that she said she hated you. Not to mention the way she ripped the posters and the way Eddie seemed to run from you. 
You already dragged her away from Billy once, now she was going to lose another father because of your mess. You were a terrible mother. 
She hates me , and so does Eddie. 
“He will be here, okay? Daddy would never miss Christmas.” You smile, crying softly yourself. “Just wait and see. Daddy will be home.” 
She calmed down a bit at your promise, laying beside you. 
“I asked santa for dad back last year….” She mumbles. “And he gave me an even better one.” 
“Yeah, he did.” 
You don’t get a lick of sleep, waiting all night for the sound of the door to open. They had to have released Eddie, right? 
You overthink it all as you sneak all the gifts out to the tree, ones that Eddie wrapped while you were sick and see all the dedication he put into them which just makes your heart melt more. 
When the sun starts coming up you realize that maybe no officers were there to release him and they would in the morning during normal processing hours so you focus on starting the meal and getting the girls ready. 
Motley refuses to go near her presents, choosing to wait for Eddie. You’re okay with it, letting Ziggy open a gift since you know it will take her forever. 
You focus on cooking while Motley waits on the couch watching out the window. 
But then people start showing up for the early dinner and you begin to let that panic sink in. Steve shows up, his two sons dashing for Motley as Nancy waddles in behind them. They thought three dishes that they add to the table. Steve asks about the broken cabinet but before you explain Lucas and Mike show up with their own dishes. 
One after one they all show up and sook enough you break from the crowd to go in your room and call the station. 
“I’m looking for Edward Munson? He should have been released by now but-“ 
“He was released two hours ago.” The kid on the phone sighs. “Anything else.” 
You don’t respond, choosing to hang out and close your door so your guests don’t see you cry. 
He wasn’t coming, you had messed everything up like usual. God you were pathetic. 
Just as Billy would say, useless as hell. 
Shuffling to the bathroom to try and catch your breath, turning on the water and sitting under it as you try to ease the panic attack. 
The pink pregnancy test box stares back at you from the trash bin, the actual test on the counter where you had planned to surprise Eddie. 
God I can’t do anything right. 
Part lll HERE
(OHHHH I really hope this chapter didn't disappoint. Please please please no hate on it! If you want to see something specific such as a blurb or scene with Eddie and the girls feel free to request. -Ultralight)
Taglist::: (Let me know if you want removed)
@localemofreak @paradise-summertime @jenniquinn @eddiesxangel @mariamayhemrsmunson @venuslayla23-blog @cherrycolas-things @scout141 @thehuntresswolf @natie335 @alyisdead @animechick555 @r-a-d-i-0-n-0-w-h-e-r-e @mysticpeachobject @jackiosstuff @slytherinroyalty16
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illubean · 5 months
Note
Can you write a scenario/headcannons where the hxh characters have a crush on Zoldyck!reader? (I think reader would have such overprotective brothers, killua and illumi lol)
HXH with a crush on Zoldyck!reader
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Characters: Kurapika Kurta, Leorio Paladaknight, Chrollo Lucilfer Type: Fluff?, Headcanons, Gn!reader
why is illumi the only one with eyebrows and a mouth in this photo
Warnings: none
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Kurapika Kurta
out of his two older friends Killua thinks Kurapika is the better option
but he still doesn't like the idea of you dating anyone
like his dear older sibling is giving their attention to someone other than him? unacceptable!
Kurapika is a lot more reserved with his feelings than Leorio, leaving not much room for Killua to meddle
so the younger boy just watches from afar
he gives the blonde glares and intense side eyes, and when he feels he's getting too close he won't hesitate to swoop in and steal you away
Kurapika is pretty smart so he's probably found a few ways to get around your brother
after a while of you two talking without Killua's knowledge you eventually get together
one day he caught you two holding hands under a table at the diner or sitting at a bench
he actually screams
with erratic gestures to your guys' hands he's like "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN"
the boy is slack jawed
he thought he did such a good job keeping you separated
"watever just...don't hurt them or anything!"
Leorio Paladaknight
Killua's first reaction to learning this information is "No way, you're too old for my sibling!"
Killua babes he's only like 19
Leorio is by no means subtle with the way he feels about you even if he thinks he is
Killua makes it his life mission to keep you separated 💀
The group is splitting up and Leorio volunteers to go with you? So does Killua. He wants to sit next to you on the train? Aw too bad, your little brother is already sitting there
but if by some miracle you get away from your brother he doesn't waste a single moment in asking you out
after learning that his attempts to keep you separated failed, Killua gets a little pouty
"Seriously? You chose THIS guy!?" "What the hell is that supposed to mean you little shit!"
knowing you guys got together doesn't stop the boy from trying to get in the middle of things though
he's a pro at this point
he will find a way to crash literally any date you plan on going on soo you guys gotta be secretive about it
you probably had to come up with code words in order to plan dates 💀💀💀
Chrollo Lucilfer
the only way I see this working is if you were already part of the troupe so lets go with that
out of literally anyone on the planet he just HAD to have a crush on a Zoldyck
to say your family wasn't pleased would be an understatement
especially Illumi
the Zoldycks typically don't do -ships...like friendSHIPS or relationSHIPS so Chrollo pining for you is definitely an issue
and when two of your brothers end up joining the troupe after you
let's just say Chrollo isn't having the best time.
Kalluto is a lot less aggressive or opinionated on the matter than his eldest brother, but he still isn't fond of the idea of you ending up with the leader of the phantom troupe
he finds ways to draw your attention away from Chrollo
whereas Illumi isn't so passive
if he catches the head of the spiders so much as glancing at you he's going to stand in his line of vision with a stern "Stay away from my sibling."
and just to keep things easy on himself Chrollo heeds these warnings
well..until he's able to catch you alone
you guys are gonna have to date on the dl and be SERIOUSLY sneaky
dating while coming from a family of assassins is not an easy feat
In conlusion alongside being professional assassins, the Zoldyck boys are also professional cockblockers
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youphoriaot7 · 4 months
Text
...oh, holy shit. Did the Federation just give us their experiment plan??
GROUP #0001 - Chayanne, Leonarda, Ramón, Dapper, Bobby, Tílin, JuanaFlippa, Trumpet Department of Convivial Condition Observation
These were the first eggs. The first batch of eight. Put out as a test, a blatant test: can you keep them happy? I wasn't around at the start of the server so I'm going off of a lot of hearsay here, but from the best I can understand the eggs were supposed to be a week or so(??) long experiment to help the two languages of the server come together and spend time with each other. The happiest egg at the end of the week(??) would "win." It was somewhat competitive if I'm remembering right?? That got thrown out the window as the eggs kept running, but initially, it was more like that. (I could be so wrong. Sorry.)
Regardless, "Convivial Condition Observation": breaking this down real quick. Convivial means "(of a person) cheerful and friendly; jovial." Essentially, happiness. Condition being the...condition of either the eggs or the islanders, or both. Observation being the act watching them that the Federation is doing.
"Convivial Condition Observation," or, let's see how well you can keep these eggs happy. And, alternatively/in addition, how happy it keeps you.
GROUP #0002 - Tallulah, Pomme, ______ Department of Subsistence Monitoring
The first thing that stuck out to me with this group was the fact that Tallulah and Pomme were found in very similar ways. Pomme was stuck hidden in the wall, and Tallulah was found hidden in the attic of the adoption center. If the third egg's name really is six blanks, and stands for MEMORY as I'm suspecting it might, then that egg was also hidden—to the point where Cellbit needed coords just to find its adoption center.
"Subsistence Monitoring" breakdown: Subsistence means "the action or fact of maintaining or supporting oneself at a minimum level." Monitoring being the act of observation that the Federation is doing.
"Subsistence Monitoring," or, let's see how well these eggs can take care of themselves without any external help.
GROUP #0003 - Sunny, Pepito, Empanada Department of Permanent Surveillance
This one is a bit alarming, I'm not gonna lie? The clear tie here between the three eggs is that all three were found on Egg Island. The name of the island could possibly have something to do with it? I really don't think I can pin down a definite decision for this answer until we know what the Federation was trying to surveillance.
"Permanent Surveillance," or, let's keep an eye on...something. Egg Island? The islanders?
GROUP #0004 - Richarlyson, ___ __ Department of System Analysis
I'm going to come in straight off the bat and tell you I have no idea what they could be doing in this group. "System Analysis" is incredibly vague, and likely intentionally so.
The best guess I can make is that the system being referred to is...the eggs. If EGG A1 is supposed to fill in the five blanks of the name, then this becomes obvious: the one time we saw this egg, ElQuackity was putting them through a parkour test. A parkour course is generally used to test skills.
...if I wanted to get really headcanon-y: Richarlyson's leg is canonically misdesigned. Running a parkour course with an egg younger than Richas could be the Feds trying to sort out what the issue with Richas' leg is/was.
Additionally, in the really headcanon-y realm, Romero Richas could be a fascinating way to show system malfunction. Just saying.
"System Analysis," or, let's make sure our experiments are working properly.
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Text
Shovel Talk(s) Final Part
Part One 🦇Part Two🦇Part Three🦇Part Four
Steve starts with Dustin. Not for any particular reason. Dustin is just the first person he ends up seeing after an entire weekend spent at Eddie's house. They'd redone their date in Indy on Saturday, getting back into Hawkins late, so Steve stayed the night. He had a morning shift at Family Video but it was Robin's day off so he didn't see her.
Dustin called at 11:00am on Monday to ask for Steve's assistance with his bike's flat tire. He needs a ride to Melvald's for a new tire tube and pump, and since Steve's shift doesn't start until 2:00pm he agrees.
Steve picks him up and listens to him ramble about his weekend and how he the tube got a hole in it. He stays in the car while Dustin runs inside to make his purchases, and then they're back at Dustin's house. Dustin knows how to change out the tube on his bike; he's been raised by a single mother for longer than Steve's known him so he's pretty self-sufficient, but Steve still offers to do it and Dustin lets him.
It's little moments like these that really let Steve feel like Dustin's brother. Which is what makes it easier for Steve to say, as he is peeling the tube from inside the tire out, "hey, do you remember a week or so ago, when you said we were happy for Eddie and me?"
"Yeah," Dustin says as he's ripping open the package the new tube is in.
"You also told me to not hurt him. I- why'd you say that?" Steve halts his progress on peeling the tube out to look up at Dustin.
He watches as Dustin turns sheepish, "I. Well, mostly I said it so that when I talk to Eddie, I might feel less bad about threatening him."
"What? Why did you threaten him?"
Dustin finishes freeing the new tube from its prison before finally looking back at Steve, "I haven't yet. Mike was talking about how Nancy gave you a shovel talk a while ago, as Eddie's 'best friend'," he makes air quotes around the words, "and I'm your best friend, so I have to give Eddie one. But Eddie's also my friend, so I had to say something to you, too."
"That's so-" Steve cuts off, because he was going to say that's so childish but Dustin should be allowed to be childish just a little longer. Part of his childhood was stolen by monsters and Steve can give him a little bit back, "that's a nice thought but please don't shovel talk Eddie. Besides, Erica beat you to it."
"Shit!"
"Language."
"Well, since Erica did it there's really no point in me doing it. She's terrifying when she wants to be."
Steve laughs because Erica can be terrifying. "Give me the tube, or do you want to finish this?"
"No, continue," Dustin thrusts the tube at Steve, who takes it with a grin and gets back to work.
Robin and he are closing on a Wednesday night, so it's been slow all day, and while Steve wants to talk to Robin, he doesn't want to be interrupted. So, they go about their shift like normal and it's only once he's locked the door and flipped the open sign to closed that he seeks out Robin in the back room, where she's counting down the till.
"Can you pause after that? I need to talk," Steve says and feels his stomach churn. He's never.... he and Robin have never had a fight, never really had any issues that required a talk. Not about anything between them anyway. Robin's always just understood him, in the same way he's understood Robin. They've never been the source of each other's pains until now.
"Yeah, of course," Robin finished the coins, marking down the amounts on a piece of paper before shifting to give Steve her full attention. "Are you ready to talk about it?"
"It?"
"Whatever's hurting you," she says. "I don't know what it is, but I knew you'd come to me when you were ready."
"It's been heard to try and talk about," Steve confesses, "because it's never. It was never you that I've been- I still don't know what to say but I know I don't want to be..." he trails off, waving his hands as he grapples for the words he wants.
"Oh," Robin whispers, standing from the desk to approach. "I hurt you. Tell me what I did, so I can properly apologize."
"When you told me to be careful with Eddie," Steve says, "after I told you about our first date. I don't understand why you'd say that me."
Robin looks pained and swallows before she says, "I'm so sorry, Steve. I shouldn't have said that. And I don't- I don't even have a good reason why I did. I know you'd never hurt Eddie. I know you and what I said wasn't even about you. Not the real you, anyway."
"So, why'd you say it, then?"
Robin frowns and looks away from him, shuffling her feet before she says to a point at the wall, "I was friends, or friendly, with a lot of the girls you were with in high school. A lot of one and done dates that I had to hear about, while they cried in the bathroom or on their bedroom floors, wondering what they'd done wrong, why you didn't stay or-" Steve winces as the reminder of who he'd been in high school comes easily out of Robin, but not for the usual reason he winces. It's not because Robin's reminding him he used to be a douche; she's reminding him of all the people he hurt and never cared that he'd done it. He never apologized, and now it's far too late even if all those girls deserve to hear it.
Robin is still speaking, "or whatever. But that doesn't matter now. You aren't that guy anymore; haven't been the entire time I've actually known you and it wasn't fair for me to say what I said. I just- you took Eddie out, and the part of me that spent years of high school consoling friends who felt used by you just spoke. I-I need to work on filtering the words that come out of my mouth, because if I'd waited like, four more seconds to process your words and settle in the fact you went on a date we both thought you'd never be brave enough to ask for, then I never would have said it. I'm so sorry, Steve. I know you and I should have known better."
Steve swallows thickly, because it hurt to hear but he also knows she's sorry and that's enough. He steps forward and sweeps her into a hug, crushing her against him. She squeezes back just as hard.
Steve has never felt really hurt about Wayne's shovel talk. It was the first, and the only one he'd say he deserved. Not because Steve deserved to have a shovel talk given to him, but because Wayne should get to have the honor of giving one. Eddie's never had a boyfriend before, and Wayne had spent so long worried about how this town would treat Eddie if they knew he was gay.
So, when Steve sees Wayne again, he just smiles at the man, and gets a genuine smile back. He and Wayne are ok.
He and Jeff apologize to each other next time they cross paths on a Hellfire night. Steve apologizes for being snappy and rude. Jeff apologizes for automatically assuming the worst of Steve. They agree to a truce and a start over.
Steve's convinced he can win over Eddie's friends eventually.
Steve can't talk to Nancy. There's too much left unsaid between them for him to feel comfortable with telling her she hurt him. But it's okay. He and Nancy aren't close friends, and she's leaving for Boston in a few weeks for college. He's sure that the distance, and not seeing her weekly for Lunch Date Day, will help.
So, he's a bit surprised to answer the knocking on his front door to see Nancy. It's an exact recreation of the day she shovel talked him and immediately Steve tenses.
"Uh, hi," he says.
Nancy takes a deep breath and says, "I'm sorry. I thought I was being funny when I gave you that shovel talk, but I- someone made it clear to me that we aren't friends enough to be able to make jokes like that. That's my fault, too. For everything I've done and never apologized for. So, I want to say that I'm sorry."
Steve's a little stumped, a bit perplexed even, so he speaks on autopilot, "It's fine, Nance. We're good."
Nancy squares her jaw and narrows her eyes and says, "no."
"No?"
"No. Don't forgive me. Not yet. Make me earn it."
Steve don't respond right away. He wants to just forgive Nancy, but when he thinks about it, he just wants to do that so Nancy will quit looking so defensive. He's not sure he does forgive her. "You're right. I- we'll work on that, then. Being friends one day."
"Good. Good," Nancy nods. "I'll see you are Lunch Date day, yeah? Or... or would you like me to stop coming?"
He shakes his head. "No, please keep coming. There's, what, three more before you're off to college? We can work towards friends in that time, yeah?"
"Yeah," Nancy gives him a small smile, "see you then, Steve."
"See you," Steve replies and shuts the door as she heads down the walkway back towards her car.
He wants to know if Eddie or Robin gave her the dressing down that brought her here to say sorry.
(It wasn't Robin or Eddie. It was Mike, learning what Nancy had done and telling her it wasn't her place to do that.)
There is one final shovel talk for the remainder of their relationship.
It's the final day in Steve's room at his parents house. He's moving in with Eddie and Wayne, at least until the kid's all graduate. Then he and Eddie might go off somewhere on their own.
He's finished packing up his things from the bathroom, and looks up in the mirror. He sees himself, and almost doesn't recognize the reflection staring back. He looks happy. Actually, really happy.
Eddie appears behind him in the mirror, leaning himself against the doorjam, smiling softly at Steve through the mirror.
"All done, sweetheart?"
"Yeah, babe," Steve says. "Just one more thing."
"Oh?"
Steve slides his eyes away from Eddie in the mirror, back to himself. He lifts a finger and points one accusingly finger at himself and says, "if you fuck this up, Harrington, I'll kick your ass myself."
Eddie's full belly laughter rings loudly in the bathroom and Steve just smiles.
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aishnico · 9 months
Note
I'm thinkinggggg....maybe something angsty to fluffy with Slash?
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#𝙎𝙇𝘼𝙎𝙃: 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳
» summary: you were tired of your boyfriend’s drug habit, so one night you asked him to choose between you and his habit. when he left you without an answer, you went to let all these things out of your head.
» word count: 2.1k
» warnings: angst to fluff, alcohol, described drug use, grammar issues
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another glass has broken with your heart. you couldn't fix the glass once it's broken but the heart could. countless apologies, excuses, and promises would fix your heart, but not properly.
but you were sure this time, it surely broke and couldn't be fixed.
you looked at the floor. vodka was spreading through it, so your tears across your cheeks.
he turned his back against you. leaned his arms over the table. "don't... don't ever tell me what to do. you are supposed to be my girlfriend, not my mom, damn it!" he then rushed over to you. you weren't scared of him. you knew he would never hit you. but you were scared what was he going to say next.
"it's not my fault that you can't make me feel better than this shit!" he showed you a little pack of white dust. you felt helpless. you would hide his drugs away from him. and he was that addicted to find them no matter where they were. you would do this because you cared about him, and didn't want to see him killing himself over and over.
you wiped your tears and stood up. "i don't want to see you killing yourself anymore. you're not only killing yourself, you're also killing me! don't you care about me?!"
"bullshit, you're not dying. you're well enough to argue with me!"
"don't dodge the question, do you care about me?! do you want me to be happy?!" you were yelling at him and your voice got weaker. he was silent, looking at the floor. you gulped and approached him.
"i'm going to ask this you once again. you would always change the topic but this time you don't have a choice but to make a decision. drugs, or me?" you asked. looking at his big, brown eyes sincerely.
he looked at you. he wanted to say something, you felt it. or maybe you were wrong. he didn't say anything and went to the bedroom. you were standing not knowing how to react or what to do.
you wanted to swear to him, telling the most painful words to him. but at the same time, you wanted to talk with him again. trying to convince him to get clean for the nth time. you didn't care how much this was going to take. you just wanted to be happy with him.
but guess he chose to be happy just alone.
you left the home and went to the busy streets of los angeles, trying to find an empty cab. after minutes, you found and entered inside. you told the driver the name of the bar where you would often hang out with guys. you wish one of them was there.
and of course there was the indispencable axl! he greeted you nicely but his smile dropped when he saw your heartbroken face. "sugar, what happened?!"
you didn't answer him, just sat next to him and buried your head in your hands. he patted your back. "is it slash again?" you raised your head and looked at him.
"i asked him to choose between me or drugs, he didn't even answer me! i don't know how many times i tried to get him to the rehab, how many times i hid them from him. he just... *sob* can't give up on his first love. i'm nothing to him."
"that's not true, you mean a lot to him. i can't even imagine how he would be like without you."
you sobbed and buried your face again. "do you want a drink? i want a drink. i'm going to buy us drinks!" he went to the bartender. after a couple of seconds, he was walking through your direction but stopped once he saw a beautiful chick. he then gave her your drink. fucking carrot... you thought and stood up from your seat.
you were walking across the people, trying to forget things at least for tonight. and you stopped once you saw a couple of guys snorting cocaine. they smiled at you. "wanna join?" you didn't answer but sat next to them. maybe you could befriend them and let all these things out of your head. but you weren't talking with them unless one of them approached you.
"what's bothering you? we don't want to see people in deep thoughts around us. just forget them. let them go even for just one night." he probably understood that you've never done this before.
he rolled up a small piece of paper into a straw. there was already a big amount of cocaine on the table. he grabbed his razor blade, chopped it, and made a short line of it. he looked at you.
"wanna try? if you don't, then i will." you sighed and wondered how is the feeling this thing gives to your boyfriend or your friends. you then took the roll of paper from him and quickly snorted the line.
you gasped loudly and pulled your head backwards. after a couple of minutes, you felt yourself hot, your palms were sweating and your heart was beating like crazy. the guy beside you laughed at you.
"how does it feel?"
"i... i d-don't know, i feel anxious, i g-guess?" you stuttered. he rubbed your back. "then you should snort again, you will start to feel happy. trust me."
you felt unsure but remembered the times when slash would come home to you happily. he would cling to you and refuse to let you go for a while. he would be so lovey-dovey with you. his current mood would also make you cheerful. but then you realized it's not because he saw you again after an exhausting day, he was because of this shit. you wondered if you could be cheerful like him at the moment.
so you nodded and he chopped again and made you a roll. you took a deep breath and snorted all of it. your head became more fuzzy but a couple of minutes later you felt cheerful and excited. you chuckled at yourself and stood up while staggering.
"now i get it," you grinned and winked at him. then you started to go to the dance floor. you were staggering but you didn't care. you were walking between people and saying them good morning! while smiling. they looked at you strangely.
when you approached the dance floor you started to move slowly, and accommodating to the song. after a couple of seconds, you were dancing like crazy, not minding to look cringe. everybody here was like you, after all.
the guy who helped you to snort stopped behind you. when you turned your head to him you smiled.
"i was looking for you, wanna dance together?" you closed your eyes and shook your head to him. then turn your back against him again. you suddenly felt a pair of hands around your waist.
"now, now. don't be like that. you look so precious and funny right now. let me enjoy your company for a while." his face now was behind your ear. he whispered "maybe we can bring this to another place..." you then turned to him and knitted your eyebrows. "i thought i said no?" you left him there and started to look for axl.
your body temperature was increasing, and so was your heartbeat. you started to struggle more, you knew you looked pathetically and never wanted to do it again. even if your little happiness lasted a couple of minutes.
"axl... axl wh-where are yhou? call shlash..." you couldn't even speak properly. your legs started to shake. you found the door and exited the bar. you were walking to the road. eyes searching for your boyfriend. maybe he was worried about you so he came here to look for you?
“shl-soul, are yhou h-here?" you were squinting, trying to figure out which car was your boyfriend's. and before you realize it, you were hit by something massive.
you woke up with loud noises. you grimaced because fluorescent light was dazzling your eyes. you slowly blinked and turned your gaze to where the sounds were coming from. you saw axl and slash, arguing about something.
"how could you let her snort?! why didn't you stay by her side?!"
"she's not a child, especially not mine! she can make her decisions now, you know!"
you saw slash sit on the couch in front of you. he buried his face in his hands. axl sighed and left the room. when he did, you heard sounds of crying and sobs.
"how could i let this happen..?" he sounded helpless. it made your heart clench. when either of you would cry, the other one would join after. it was mutual. so tears were leaking from your eyes now. he raised his messed up face and looked at you, eyes widened at realization.
"sweetheart, you're awake!" he cheered but his voice was broken. you didn't say anything. he grabbed your hand and placed it on his, caressing gently. "how do you feel?" he asked.
you just shrugged. "i don't know, my legs hurt." he shut his eyes and gulped. "i... i am sorry, for not being there with you." his voice sounded shaking. you wanted to ask him if that was all he wanted to apologize for, but before you opened your mouth, he continued.
"not only for this. i am sorry for not listening to you, even though you only cared about my well-being. sorry for making you cry and feel heartbroken. you never deserved this, never. and i don't deserve your concern.
when you asked me to choose between you and drugs, i went to the bedroom only to think about that. i didn't choose them over you. i could never choose something over you. you're my priority, my everything. i never want something bad to happen to you. i could never get over this." he finished and kissed your hand carefully.
you sighed. "oh slash, i don't even know how many times we talked about this. same thing happens every time..." he looked at you with his big pretty brown eyes. "i swear this is the last time, we'll never talk about this. i swear. i don't want to make you miserable anymore. you deserve nothing but happiness. and i'm more willing to give you that."
you raised your head and looked at the ceiling, sighed again. "did that accident have to happen for you to say these?"
he straightened up. "don't tell me you did this on purpose..." his voice sounded nervous. you shook your head. "of course i didn't, i just always wondered how this shit makes you happy but i'm not, so i wanted to try it once."
"pretty, you know this shit is nothing compared to you. i was mad at you for you hiding it, but that's not an excuse for to me say those untrue things to you."
you smiled at yourself, wondering if axl or duff talked to him about this. finally, you gave up on yourself.
"i love you so much, slash. and i guess we both understood how is to lose almost someone."
"i love you too, sweetheart. more than everything. and yeah, you're right. i don't want one of us to experience this feeling again. " he smiled sincerely at you.
you tried to move your body aside and patted to empty space. he looked at you worringly. "are you sure, doll? i don't want to hurt or crush you." you just chuckled and opened your arms to him. he hesitated but climbed to the bed. you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him for a kiss. the kiss was sensual and full of love. you missed his plump and soft lips on yours, on every part of your body.
you then run your fingers through his dark curly hair. you loved playing with them carefully. he doesn't like it when it hurts.
you wanted to deepen the kiss because you missed him so much. you don't remember when you two kissed like this last time. but he pulled out looking at you breathlessly, then lay beside you.
"after we go home, i'm gonna search and then register myself on a program. this time i'm gonna complete it, i swear." he grabbed your hand and pressed a wet kiss on it. then did the same thing to your cheek. "slash!" you whined but he knew you actually liked it.
you were lying on his chest while he was caressing your waist. you've felt peaceful. and felt like your eyes would shut soon. he noticed it and planted a wet kiss on your forehead. you giggled.
"i love you." he said while sincerely looking at you. you smiled and snuggled to him. "i love you too, my big crybaby."
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wosoluver · 2 months
Text
Trying hard
Andrea Medina x Teammate!reader
TW: suggestive content
Andrea Medina Masterlist
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──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
"Why are the both of you fighting so hard to hate eachother?" - Asked Lola.
No one on the team understood where all that came from. And seemingly not even you or Andrea seemed to know.
"She started it."
You were all doing warm ups in training
"Literally when?" - Lola insisted knowing her friend very well. And Andrea just huffed at her.
You were new on the team, arrived in the beginning of the season. You were a forward, she was a defender, you naturally clashed a lot during trainings.
But still there was never an event to cause your constant bickering at each other.
"Everyone dividing into teams." - Yelled the coach.
As usual the two of you were in opposite sides. But twenty minutes in Medina started to get frustrated. She couldn't manage to stop your attacks, that led her to commit a bunch of fouls, this one had been particularly hard.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" - you screamed out as you got up. You were in pain but in the moment you saw red. And you pushed her back. - "You aways pull this shit! Try to learn how to manage your anger issues. It's not my fault you suck at your job."
And that's all it took for her to stand up and try to start a physical fight.
But thankfully you were separated by your teammates.
"You two are staying late as punishment." - That's the only thing coach said before starting the game once again. You stayed on the sidelines trying to cool down.
You couldn't help but watch her every move. How the sweat glistened over her muscles as she gave her all on the pitch.
"Alright we're done for the day. Not you, Medina and Y/L/N, you two are working on your 1 v 1 and if you start another fight we'll have a problem."
"Fuck!" - You let out under your breath.
You grabbed the ball closest to you.
You two did some drills, but when you tried to pass her once again she pulled you down, but you managed to trip her with your legs, and soon she was on the ground too.
"Your not gonna yell at me?" - she asked.
"I'm too tired for that." -
"Why do you do it?"
"You're the one who keeps attacking me! But I apologize for saying your not good at your job. You're actually pretty skilled."
"Yeah, just not enough to stop you."
You looked over at her watching how the sun made her eyes look, their prettiest.
"Sorry for being harsh, I just- it's frustrating."
You got up and offered her a hand up in the process, which she took.
"Let's go."
You both went into the locker room, and went straight to shower. But she accidentally slipped on the wet floor right in front of you, taking you down with her.
"This one was not intentional I swear!"
"I'm so going to get bruised." - you said trying to help each other up. But failing miserably. But taking the situation in comically.
When you two finally managed getting up, you finished showing and getting changed.
"Can you give me a ride home? I came with Lola this morning."
"You'll owe me one."
"Fine."
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Next day everyone was shocked when the two of you started joking around.
"Oye, I'll go easy on you today!"
"No, you can't!"
You left for the gym, as Andrea stayed behind.
"I knew it!" - Said Lola.
"Knew what?"
"You two liked each other deep down."
The younger girl only rolled back her eyes. Leaving the room. She didn't want to admit to anything.
She stared at you the whole day. Now that she couldn't blame it on the hate, she realized that maybe those feelings she had, were more than frustration. It was a mix of admiration and longing. It felt somewhat like a crush. And the realization made her cheeks red.
"Y/N! Can you stay and train with me for a little longer?"
"Yeah of course."
Lola simply looked suspiciously at her friend. - "Don't you need me to give you a ride home?"
"Y/N can take me."
"Okay." - She didn't want to insist too much. But she knew something was up.
After spending another hour training you decided to call it a day. Heading inside.
"You're doing better at blocking me."
"You're still winning though."
"Give it some time, you'll get there."
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That week during the derby, between the team and Real Madrid. You were being ferociously taken down. Probably for the same reason as aways. But that was working you up, and Andrea as well. Even if she wasn't personally getting hurt.
But when they took Wifi down, as she was about to enter the penalty area, Andrea was so annoyed, she started running from the other side of the pitch to start a fight with Oihane. But before she could you intercepted her, pulling her away the best you could.
"Hey, stop if you get another card, you're out of the game."
"I don't care!"
"Well, I'm not letting you."
"You can't boss me around like you do to everyone else!"
You thought you were past this stage of fighting for no reason. She thought so too, but right now she couldn't deal with the pressure of the game, her hot headed need to bite back and the way your arms held her back with force against yourself.
Once the game was over and you were ready to leave, you walked towards the car without saying goodbye to anyone.
But unfortunately Andrea was able to catch up with you.
"I'm really sorry."
"I thought we were on good terms!"
"I can explain, can we please get into the car?"
"I'm not giving you a ride."
"I'm not asking for one. I just want to talk privately."
You huffed as you unlocked the doors.
You both sat respectively in your seats. You waited for her to start talking.
"My head was spinning out of control. The way they were making so many fouls, and we were struggling to keep up, was getting to me and when you held me back in your arms, I just exploded."
"You keep throwing your frustrations on me again and again."
"I know, but I've been trying to fix it, since I realized where they came from."
"Which is what? Your anger issues?"
"I don't have anger issues, it's you!"
"I don't have any anger issues!"
"No, I mean I have a crush on you.
That's what has bothered me from the start!"
By now you just stared at her, mouth agape.
"You're not going to say anything?"
But before she had barely ended her sentence, you kissed her passionately. This led her to pull you from the driver's seat to seat on her lap. And when you pulled away to breathe, she decided to pull you to the backseat to blow off all the steam you had build up during the game.
And you thanked god you were parked so far from everyone else that day.
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
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aziraphales-library · 6 months
Note
So in my life I've never really had a good example of what a relationship should be. Any fights between my parents was rough and always terrified me as a child. Ive never seen good conflict resolution in a couple at all. I really could use some of the ineffable spouses healthily fighting and talking through things. Especially right now.
You will want to check our #communication and #arguing tags for fics along these lines. And here I've got some post-series two fics in which Aziraphale and Crowley actually talk to each other...
Unexpected Arrivals by sadisticallysmirking (T)
An injured Aziraphale arrives at the bookshop, and Crowley is the only one who can help him. Slowly, and with some unexpected bumps in the road, they work to finally become a group of the two of them.
Love Of My Life (you've hurt me) by misslmf (T)
“I suppose you want me to do the little dance?” Aziraphale tried for a joke, laughing a little. Crowley looked up slowly and the tiny smile that had been on Aziraphale’s face died in an instant. “Look I know I have a lot of apologies and explanations to give, please if you could just listen to them?” “Listen to them?” Crowley said, standing to face Aziraphale. “Hm, sorry, what’s that lovely human expression again… hold that thought?” *** Or, Aziraphale returns to the bookshop one morning when Crowley is there, and they finally get to talk things out
Bittersweet Horizons by Soldierarcs (NR)
“You're doing it again,” Crowley bit out, his voice lowered to an exasperated growl. He didn't move, yet his whole body wanted to escape. “How can you— I can't,” he repeated, trying to ignore the hitch in his words. He tightly pressed his lips together, attempting to regain his composure. “Oh, I don't even know why I'm surprised. You've always been slow on certain things.” Aziraphale looked at him, outraged. “I don't think this is an appropriate time for insults-” “I'm not insulting,” Crowley said. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, skepticism clear in his expression. “I'm not doing it!” Crowley repeated vehemently. Then he looked away and muttered, “Oh, for the love of-” and sank both hands on the armrests. (or Aziraphale and Crowley talk. Set after the end of season 2).
on one wounded wing by shoebox_addict (T)
“I'm done with Heaven,” said Aziraphale, with conviction. He’d had a long time to think this through, he knew where he stood now. “I'm on our side.” “You've said that before.”
New Beginnings by LondonSpirit (G)
After Aziraphale left for Heaven, Crowley gets some advice from an unexpected party which makes him rethink things. When he returns to the bookshop, things escalate. Can he and Aziraphale get their shit together and actually listen to one another to resolve their issues?
What Does It Mean To Be Good? by Thesefallenstars (M)
In which Aziraphale loves Crowley, and Crowley loves Aziraphale. Unfortunately they’re both idiots so it takes them a little time to figure that out. A getting back together fic set after series 2.
- Mod D
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xiexiecaptain · 1 year
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The biggest thing I've learned to help manage my ADHD in regards to getting things done is to Follow Those Impulses
(I'm not saying this will work for or is even a good strategy for everyone, but in my own situation it's helped me.)
I'm like allergic to consistency in schedule and cannot enforce one on myself so all it leads to is self-loathing and failure. Trust me, I've been attempting to will-power, shame-fuel my way through it since I was a preteen (I'm currently almost 30.) It does not work for me.
Obviously medication can give me a huge leg up on stuff. But beyond a certain point my brain is simply not wired for long-term sustained consistency.
As in many of my issues, I've found that working with myself gets better results than fighting myself.
When I follow those sudden impulses of interest and motivation, I get things done.
To the outside, I look absolutely haphazard. I'll pause a show I'm watching mid-sentence, stand up, and go empty the dishwasher because my mood/brain/chemicals *ping*ed that it was suddenly do-able and not a huge overwhelming task. Or I'll be putting away laundry and that *ping* will go off and I'll spend three hours re-organizing my closet.
To a neurotypical, this looks like distracted and disorganized behavior.
To me, it's following the way my brain naturally works in order to accomplish tasks.
My ADHD manifests in that I experience very small and unsustainable windows of motivation and interest. So when I feel that window crack open, doing the Thing right then (when the situation enables me to) can mean the Thing actually happens. Even if it's not the thing I'm "supposed" to be doing.
With a neurotypical in that situation, they might be putting away clothes and think: "Oh, I should organize my closet. I have time this weekend, I'll do it then," finish putting away their clothes, and then organize the closet when they had free time that weekend.
I used to try to do things that way too. Because it was how I was taught that "responsible, real people" did it, and had "finish one thing before you start another" drilled into my head. But I'm literally not wired to work that way. And I've been working on undoing that internalized ableism of believing one way of doing things is better and I need to change to adhere to it. I don't and shouldn't be expected to to my own detriment.
For me with the closet example, the weekend would come and I would spend 5 hours screaming at myself to stop working on whatever did have my interest in order to go organize the closet. Sometimes I might ended up doing it. More often, I would not be able get myself to do it even after all that. I would just sit there, yelling at myself, hating myself despite my brain literally not having the chemicals to initiate the activity (let alone follow through) and nothing would get done. Not even the thing I wanted to focus on instead.
The only thing I did accomplish was hating myself for not being able to do "simple" things like other people (read: neurotypicals.)
This is basically how I spent the majority of my schooling; doing simple tasks felt like running in sand. And I internalized all the messages that told me it was my own fault I couldn't run as fast and in as straight a line as those running on pavement.
The past few years, I've been trying to follow impulses more. And its honestly been really helpful.
I get more done even if it isn't a "consistent" amount or I can't always count on having a specific thing done by a certain date.
But the big thing is that I spend less time hating myself for not doing what I "should" be and more time actually doing things when I have the motivation for them. More shit happens, I'm undoing some of that self-loathing.
tl;dr: My advice for fellow adult ADHD-ers is:
Try to learn what your natural rhythms are and, where possible, try leaning into them. Without judgement, try working with your natural tendencies rather than battling them at every moment. See how it feels, see what you accomplish (and not just in the capitalistic "productivity" way--spending 3 hours hyperfocusing on researching the history of wheat germ counts!) See how your brain and body feel.
Your brain is wired different, let yourself operate different.
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ilasillusion · 1 year
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anger issues
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STARRING. ao'nung x na'vi!reader
CONTAINING. a bit of angst, fluff, established relationship (mates), no use of y/n, living together with ao'nung, time skips
WARNING(S). slight violence, ao'nung having an attitude
WORD COUNT. 2.1k
synopsis: ao'nung's sudden change in attitude ends in a heated argument that lasted for days; cold shoulder, silent treatment, absolutely no interaction between you two. however, he couldn't risk you leave his life the longer you don't talk to each other so he pleads and asks you to give him another chance.
translation: tsakarem - tsahik in training, mawey - calm down, yawne - beloved, marui pod - metkayinan shelter/house, skxawng - moron/idiot
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after your tsakarem shift, helping ao'nung's mother ronal with the injured hunters' from today's hunt. you happily hopped your way to meet ao'nung at the shore in the usual spot, under the shade on the big rock where you two would hang out. your feet shuffled in the sand which immediately caught his attention.
ao'nung looked to you irritated which confused you, "are you okay, ao?" you asked him, cautiously approaching him to place a hand on his shoulder. "get off me! you- freak" he shouted at you, your ears tilted down as you visibly frowned. you retracted your hand quickly, realizing that his anger issues were acting up.
your first instinct was to calm him down so you immediately pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back in comforting circles which calmed for a while, whispering “mawey… mawey, my love.”, before he shoved you to the sand seeming as if calming him wasn't gonna work. you gasped as he raised his fist, "don't touch me-".
you sat on the sand slowly standing up on your feet as you raised your hands to show you meant no harm. "you wouldn't hurt me, ao. i just want to help you. let me help you, love." you said calmly, almost in a hush tone still attempting to calm him down.
"what makes you think i wouldn't? and don't call me that!" he hisses out on you as he tightly clenches his fists at the side of his body, careful not wanting to hurt you, which broke your heart the moment you heard how he didn't want you to call him your love. "i don't care about you- go away!", he shouts in a hiss, but you persisted.
"you care about me, ao. see this? you gave this on my birthday, and confessed. the most precious think you ever crafted for the both of us." you gestured to the matching shell necklace you had just like ao'nung's, giving him a soft smile.
he took a second before yelling "that don't mean shit!", he takes the necklace off your neck, leaving a cut on the side of your neck making you hiss. luckily it was only superficial, gone deeper you would've been dead if it cut through. you widen your eyes in horror as he throws it on the sand, leaving a crack on the shell of your necklace.
you immediately crouch down on your knees, picking up the necklace gently in your hands careful not to break it. "why- how could you?!" your voice getting louder, tears brimming your eyes as you looked up to him.
"because it means nothing! you mean nothing to me!" he huffs. "you! this relationship! and that stupid necklace!" he shouts at you. you immediately stood up to cup his cheek. "that's not true... not true at all!" you try to convince him but he looks away from your eyes. "look at me, ao... look at me, please." you plead him, as he finally looks at you which made you scared seeing your worried reflection through his eyes.
ao'nung pulls away from your touch turning his head sideways, "no. you mean nothing to me." he says each word with hate making you frown as you cup his face again with a hand, "look at me..." you whisper, as tears start to fall onto your cheeks.
he pulls away again, angrily he yells "i said no!" as you notice tears forming in his eyes but he's trying hard to not let it fall. you took it as a sign to still fight, so you hugged him tight. "ao... i know. you're just angry right now. i may not know why, but please. calm down, my love." i say softly. "don't call me that" he hisses, "what don't you get! i feel nothing for you!" he backs away from the hug.
"you're lying... you promised- you promised!" i shouted, my voice breaking. "i did lie! i don't want you! you're such a pathetic freak" he shouts and emphasizes the latter. "i don't care if i look pathetic to you right now, i'm doing my best for us." i say softly, sniffing as my tears keep flowing. he looks away huffing in anger.
"fine. go on and tell me that you don't love me, then i'll leave. say it with hate and make me leave." you hiss out at him to get a reaction.
"go away! leave me alone!" he shouts, his tail twitching in irritation as tears fall from his eyes as he clenches his fists tightly.
you scoff, holding my necklace carefully. walking away from you hurt, every step i took felt like i was giving up but deep inside you slightly felt relieved that he didn't say he didn't love you and just told you to leave.
ao'nung turned to watch you walk away, everything he ever wanted. as he kneeled on the sand to cry, clutching his own matching shell necklace.
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you reach home. your shared home. you and ao'nung's very own marui pod, which, luckily, was approved by both families seeing your unbreakable bond with each other. you immediately head to the master bedroom which was just a more secluded pod that gave privacy than the usual openness a marui pod had.
after placing your necklace on the table, you sat on the bed. you pulled your own emergency kit, grabbing a woven cloth and the little jar of ointment you had incase ao'nung would have injuries from a hunt. you skillfully treat your neck despite not seeing it, sticking the woven cloth above the ointment. your ears perk up.
ao'nung head straight to the you two's bedroom, he stood by the doorway. visibly frowning, you looked away from him as you felt he slowly stepped near you. he kneeled on both knees and grabbed your hands gently pleading you to look at him. "my love...?" he softly says to you, almost in a whisper tone. you can see him slowly start to cry when you decide to finally look at him, seeing him breaks your heart.
you slightly roll your eyes at the sight, eyes also brimming with tears. "i should be the one that's crying" you mutter as you squeeze his hands a bit, which resulted in his tail wagging.
"i'm sorry." he says, "i'm so, so sorry. i shouldn't have shouted at you like that..." he softly says, which tugged at your heart making your ears tilt a bit upwards and made your tail swish. seeing the reaction motivated him to be more sincere to earn you back.
"i shouldn't have ripped your necklace..." he eyes your bandaged wound. "most importantly, i shouldn't have told you to leave after calling you something degrading..." tears start to fall from his eyes, which by habit you immediately cup his face and wipe the tears, instantly retracting your hands you freeze as he grabs a hold of them again planting a soft kiss on each of the back of your hand.
"thank you... for staying..." he breathes out, feeling relieved not seeing any baggage in the house. you stay silent, not wanting to respond so he stands up to sit beside you and pull you into a hug. you feel warmth radiating off of him.
"leave me alone..." you whisper, trying to push him and remove his grip on your hands. "please! i don't want to lose you! you matter so much to me! i can change- i will change, please. give me a chance. my love... yawne, please..." you hear his voice breaking in desperation as he holds your shoulders firmly.
you stay silent, staring at him with glossy eyes which tightens his heart at the sight of you, he attempts to plant a kiss on your lips but you move your head sideways only allowing him to plant it on your cheek. he sighs as he pouts. "you're not losing me. just... please, step out... i want to think..." you pleaded softly, so he nods understanding and not wanting to make you uncomfortable so he complies. standing up and walks to the living room area of your pod.
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days past and you've given him the silent treatment, you awoke hungry so you went to your shared pantry silently grabbing a fruit as he was asleep on the woven floor of the living room area which made you feel bad.
you went back inside and sat on the bed, munching on the fruit as you noticed he was sleepily standing at the doorway. "can we talk?" he softly says, rubbing his eyes approaching you when you nod. "will you forgive me? please?" ao'nung kneels and asks with fear in his eyes, fear of being rejected by you, almost to much to bear.
"i haven't eaten in the past few days, nothing but pain and guilt in my bod-" you cut him off by shoving the fruit which made his eyes wide, nonetheless he bit the fruit finishing it. "why did you do that?" he asks. "...you said you haven't eaten in the past few days." i say, concerned despite our argument.
"so you're feeding me? like i'm a child?" he asks in disbelief. "aren't you happy i even let you in here so we could talk?" you reason out.
"you could've come out, so we could work things out like a normal couple." he swallows. "but no, me and my stupid emotions, acted up and screw things over. so what now, you let me in to feed me thinking i'm going to fall into your arms and kiss you?" he sighs.
you scoff not liking his response, your eyebrows scrunched and my tail visibly twitching behind me in irritation. "what's with the attitude? i thought you wanted to talk in hopes of fixing us?" i ask. "i do, but you're treating me like i'm some kid... what kind of adult would miss a few meals due to an argument... i don't deserve you..." he trails off.
you place a hand under his chin, "i'm treating you as my lover despite our argument, ao.", "please, forgive me. please" he pleads.
"ao... look, i want to forgive you. but-" you breathe out, while ao'nung's breath hitches, tears start to brim his lids. "you need to learn, ao'nung." his heart drops as soon as you say his name, you called him ao'nung, not ao, and most definitely not 'my love'.
"you hurt me with your words, making me overthink about you, overthink us." i say with my voice audibly shaking. "i know... and i'm deeply sorry, my love." he grabs your hands before continuing, "i'll do anything and everything to make up for my mistakes, i want you to know that, please." he softly says rubbing his thumbs on your hands.
"i don't want your apology- i want your love... you made me lose trust in you, and the audacity of you to raise your fist at me? after shoving me to the ground??" i finally bring it up. ao'nung's eyes filled with guilt he bows down looking at the floor, embarrassed to even look at you. "i know, i know. i tried my best so i clenched it instead because i'd never hurt you no matter what, you know that."
you stayed silent, "i'll rebuild your trust, i promise. i'll even go attend therapy sessions with my mother, i'll do whatever it takes. i love you so much, i can't bear to live without you by my side. i resisted to sleep beside you as you asked to be alone so i slept at the cold woven floor of ours... please, i need you." he says still kneeling, feeling the mat puncture his skin a bit.
"cuddle me..." you whisper as hush as you could, ao'nung's ears perked up hearing you loud and clear as he got up brushing his knees with slight pain. he gently lays you on the bed, grabbing your arms to wrap around him as he grazes your waist and hugs you tightly.
you missed the feeling of sleeping and waking up in his arms, the past few days made you feel lonely, nothing but an empty space beside.
"you're my everything, if i ever hurt you like this again. i don't know what i'd do..." he says holding you closely to his heart. "i won't forgive you just yet, you'll have to work hard." you say sternly, cheek against his chest. "i will. i’ll fix myself for us. i won’t let you down, i’ll love you and make you feel it so you don’t ever doubt.”
ao’nung held you, both your hearts calming as you two fell asleep. he was happy to hold you even if things are unsure and unclear, atleast you two were trying to work things out.
ao’nung’s eyes may be closed but his mind ran wild, he couldn’t get over on how he made you cry, he hated seeing you cry whenever you had a bad day or got scolded during your shifts. he hated himself more than ever for being the reason you cried.
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a/n. hope you enjoyed my first ever writing! please look forward to part 2 as it's already wip!! lmk if you want to be tagged in the next part and i'll add a new section below to my posts if you agree to be added to future posts!!
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© ILASILLUSION 2023
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retrocesosdestacion · 9 months
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CAPTAIN OF DREAMS. | leah williamson
leah williamson x reader
genre: little fluff.
warnings: reader unable to confess feelings (?), bit of swearing and maybe friends to lovers
notes: yeh this is the first fic that i wrote and that i will post at the same, i hope you like it. I couldn't build a big fic that could deepen the relationship between the two, so it's pretty superficial. 🦦
𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Leah Williamson, your best friend, is the woman you have a crush on, but nobody knows it.
Before every match, Leah always put on her captain armband (regularly precise), but today she messed up trying to put it; yet this time, you were here.
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“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.” Chbosky.
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❝ Hey, [reader]. Do you know where they stow the armband? ❞ You heard Leah inquire, standing in front of you, while the blonde rummaged through the clothes thrown inside her own suitcase and in the surroundings. ❝ I don't know where's that shit. ❞
It was game day, specifically against the Spurs. All the players were excited, getting ready for the match and chatting inside the locker room, since there was almost half an hour left for the game to start.
And you were no different, next to Leah's cabin, you had already started to put on your socks while talking to her.
Williamson and you have been best friends for a long, long time. You two have always been known as the football duo, always together; walking, eating, doing anything possible.
The big controversy is that last year your heart has blossomed even more for Leah Williamson. At first, you forced yourself to erase this feeling, but it failed.
Now, you support your love for the english while having to act like a mere friend, unable to confess due to fear of rejection.
❝ Here. ❞ You utter by raising your right index finger, accompanied by the armband on your fingertip. It was even incredible how the defender would not see the trimming on top of the bench, on her other side. ❝ When are you going to have an eye exam? ❞
Leah immediately gape at you, from the moment you burst into silly giggles, mocking the woman's poor eyesight. The defender's iconic grim expression was one of the main reasons to make you laugh.
❝ Huh, shut up. I have a perfect eyesight. ❞ Williamson tried to issue the sentence without laughing, but failed; also laughing at your joke. ❝ It was just inattention. ❞
❝ Oh yes, Captain! ❞ The enthusiastic tone wasn't hidden, you loved calling her by nicknames like that; meant a lot to both of you.
The english cackle again, giving you a little shove on the shoulder.
Suddenly, your eyes fell on the magnificence that was Williamson's face, especially when she display that smile. For moments like these, you would never confess to Leah.
Trading days where you could see that comforting giggles for a single day of anxiety over the answer that, you probably knew, didn't sound fair.
Leah sat next to you, on the same bench as you. The blonde body wedged to your left, now starting to put on the armband.
If it were last year, all this would not matter at all; something common and normal among friends. But now, everything was different, every attitude that Williamson made near or with you, had some meaning.
❝ Oh, what the hell. ❞ You came back to reality when you heard the defender grunt and complain.
When you looked to the side, leaning a little so that you could have a more concrete view, you saw...
…Leah Williamson struggling to put on the armbrand?
For a while your reaction was unusual, after all, Leah almost always wore armbands, it was a recurring thing on match days. Seeing the woman not being able to use the accessory was something even weird.
❝ What are you trying to do? ❞ You grill, slanting your head to the side.
❝ That bloody armband is not closing! ❞ Leah said through heavy sighs, her lungs almost tired from trying to force the accessory to close.
You poked Williamson. ❝ It's not about strenght. It's about technique, silly. ❞
The english turned her face towards you, raising one of her eyebrows, looking to doubt your sentence. ❝ Then help me, lady genius. ❞
Before getting up, you frowned, feigning indignation at the ignorance of others. You lifted your body, stepping in front of Leah and almost kneeling down, to be level with the armband.
❝ Give it to me. ❞ You stretched out your hand, enough so that the blonde could pass you the armband. ❝ Lower your shoulder a little more, please. ❞
And Leah lived up to her sentence. You just didn't expect that with such an inclination, the blonde's face would get so close.
Thus, your heartbeat immediately accelerates, accelerates fast as a race car leaving the starting line. All of a sudden, you could feel your heart almost come out of your mouth.
Your best friend's cerulean eyes managed to be so much prettier up close. The calm, serene breath flying close to your face was just too hard not to ignore.
❝ What are you waiting for, hm? ❞ Hearing Williamson's voice calmed your thoughts; except the heart.
❝ Sorry. ❞
You shook your head in an attempt to dismiss those thoughts away. Back to help, you opened the armband and slowly placed it under Leah's armpit area.
Over the sleeve of the red and white jersey, you stretched the accessory tightly enough so that it could close.
Indeed, the armband wasn't the right size for Williamson, but it wasn't anything that interfered with her blood circulation.
❝ Is that good? Do you want me to unscrew it or tighten it more? ❞ You asked after finishing, with the armband perfectly placed on the woman's arm.
Before answering, Leah waved her arm, staggered from side to side, comforting herself with the acessory. She also didn't fail to run her fingerprints over the fabric.
❝ Yes, perfect! ❞ Williamson brought her fingers to your face, all of them. ❝ Thank you so much, [reader], you are literally my lucky charm. ❞
The words of thanks were enough to make you redden, and the warm digits around your face only help with that.
If there was a mirror in front of you, you could see how red you were; red as a cherry.
Leah's fingers didn't let go, they stayed there. You took your right hand, previously used to close the clamp, now over the english's grip.
❝ You're welcome, but it wasn't a big deal, Leah. ❞ It was the only thing you could think of to answer. ❝ Next time, try first closing and then putting it. ❞
Leah smiled her dear smile, that bright, beautiful smile; the one you wanted to see every day by your side in bed. Amidst the scattered thoughts, you felt your face being pulled.
Williamson pulled your face up, enough so that she could place her lips on your forehead, canoodling it in thanks. ❝ I don't need to worry about it! Next time, you'll be with me again. ❞
That was enough to make you burst into higly strung, anxious, and loving chuckles. Deep down, you loved the way Leah made you feel. ❝ If you say so…I'm available, always. Especially when it comes to you. ❞
You didn't miss the opportunity to emphasis on how you would unconditionally support the english, regarding the friendship between the two of you.
Legs lifted and you returned to the bench, now closer to Williamson, almost glued to her side. From the moment you got up, you didn't let go of the captain's fingers.
Your globes landed back on the face of the woman you loved so much. Her look transcended the words you would never have the courage to say to her, Leah's eyes shone intensely, screaming affection and tenderness.
If Leah Williamson was a little smarter, she might get that message. But she was more focused playing with your long fingers, intertwining them, touching them against each other and who knows what else.
Lost in the midst of passionate thoughts, you didn't even notice the english's eyes staring back at you. ❝ [reader], you know what you look like every time you do that? ❞ Leah said.
❝ Huh? ❞ You blinked once, twice, several times until you came back to reality and understood what she said.
❝ A girlfriend. ❞ Williamson mumbled naively.
You fake coughed, your fingers slowly stopped playing with the defender's and your head wobbled to the side. ❝ How so? ❞ And like anyone else, you didn't miss the opportunity.
❝ Maybe it sounds strange, but having you by my side is the best thing in the world... Just like a girlfriend. ❞ The blonde justified the sudden sentence.
❝ Is this good? ❞ Your lips released without a second thought.
❝ It depends, do you like this idea? ❞ Leah replied.
Each time this conversation went on, the more anxious and hopeful you became. ❝ I think so. ❞ You confirmed with a simple smirk, so you wouldn't betray your nervousness.
❝ So you're like my girlfriend! ❞ Williamson responded quickly and with her typical zealous and fun-loving tone.
At this point, you wouldn't be able to decipher whether this was something positive or negative, something cute or just Leah playing with your feelings. The only thing you were sure of, was that you were enjoying this conversation, and you didn't want it to end so soon.
❝ Right, I'll play that part then. ❞ You whispered, chaffing, close to the side of the woman's face, before you laid your face on her shoulder.
Leah Williamson managed to mess with your mind: as much as you hated this 'joke', you also loved it.
You hated that you couldn't tell the truth, as you couldn't say that you really, really want to be Williamson's girlfriend. But you had devotion, warmth for how Leah treated you so well and how she always heed you, like a friend.
To summarize, keeping your mouth shut and appreciating all these attitudes rather than losing friendship with the english would, perhaps, be the best option.
Being able always here to help Leah Williamson put on the captain's armband would be a thousand times better than confessing.
❝ I love you, my dearest captain. ❞ You murmured so low and comical, but the defender still made the effort to be able to hear your sweet words.
❝ I love you too, [reader]! ❞ Williamson replied in the same tone, confidentially snooping into your face. ❝ Ready to bust in the field? ❞ She questioned, referencing the match that soon would start.
You didn't say anything, you just raised your left-handed fist, demonstrating a movement that meant readiness.
Leah chuckle, aiming to never take her eyes off you.
If you were facing her face to face, you would be able to admire your captain's beautiful dilated blue pupils.
And if you knew this information, maybe, all of this didn't just mean friendship, for either of them.
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oisins-stuff · 1 year
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Starstruck
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lo'ak x male metkayina reader
summary; lo'ak sees y/n almost get his shit rocked and falls in love
word count; 2.6k
warnings; homophobia, parent issues, blood, violence (hate crimes?), cussing and little gay dudes
╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮
lo'ak sat on the beach with his feet resting in the water. he didn't like this place. it wasn't his home and he couldn't pretend it was. "tsahey!! i'm sorry, dude! it was a joke! calm down!" he heard someone yelling and sand shuffling. before he even turned around he heard a punch land. it wasn't too hard, but it definitely hurt whoever received it. he heard someone spit, get hit again, and suddenly the yelling was much closer. he turned around to see one smaller boy- probably around 7'5- being beat by two bigger guys. "so was it not funny?" he chuckled as he tried to scoot back. lo'ak didn't know if he should help or not. getting in a fight wouldn't be the best thing for him right now. one of the taller boys got closer, but the one on the floor tripped him and tried to run. the other grabbed him while his buddy stood up. "skxawng! y/n, you're fucked!" he was about to throw a punch. y/n kicked the man who was holding him in the knee, causing him to be dropped onto the sand. the other boy punched his friend on accident giving y/n enough time to grab the one who had yelled at him by the tail and kick his ankles. both boys were on the ground in minuted, leaving lo'ak to believe his wasn't needed. "fuckers!" y/n kicked sand on the two before he ran off to another section of the beach, struggling to climb over some rocks. it made lo'ak chuckle. this boy just took down two kids twice his size but can't get over some rocks. he walked over and picked him up, gently setting him on the other side and then jumping over himself. "thanks.." y/n was quiet, which was unexpected since he just did what he did. "no problem. what were they so pissed about? i thought they were about to kill you." lo'ak crouched slightly to look closer at the boys face, his nose was bloody and there was a little blood around his lips. he had a bigger bruise forming on his shoulder, lo'ak turned him slightly to get a better look. "i made a joke- i swear it was a joke- about something. they thought i wanted their girlfriends because apparently i was staring and i said some shit like 'i'd rather have you', it was a lie. they lost it." y/n started trying to wipe the blood off of his face but it'd already dried. "it was a bit dramatic, in my opinion. looks like they almost killed you. what's this mean?" he pointed to the arrow tattoo on his back. "something about struggle and triumph. i just like it because it looks cool, but tsireya insisted it had a meaning. i don't even know how to use a bow and arrow." he was still trying to wipe the blood off. "here," lo'ak crouched down, scooping some water up before putting his hands on y/ns face to wipe off the blood, "i could teach you. maybe you should stay over here for awhile, i don't think you dropping those guys made them any happier." he tried his best to ignore the way y/n was staring into his eyes as he grabbed the shorter boys chin and started to wipe off his cheek. "i would, but i have stuff to do. i don't have food, or any of my supplies. i need to weave baskets and make jewelry." his eyes never left lo'aks. "i can grab you stuff. i'd say lay low for at least two days, even if it isn't the entire day. like come out during the day and switch up where you sleep, ya know?" he dropped his hand from the others chin, rinsing the blood off. "thanks, man."
lo'ak hopped over the tall rocks, the bag on his shoulder almost falling off. "hey, y/n!" he looked down at the boy who was drawing in the sand. he jumped up when he saw lo'ak. "what'd you bring?" he was smiling from ear to ear and standing on his toes, trying to peak in the bag. lo'ak dropped it, letting it all fall out. "some of your basket stuff, jewelry stuff, food and a blanket. i can stay over here, but my siblings might get snoopy." he sat beside y/n as y/n dug through everything. "you have siblings?" he asked, biting into one of the things lo'ak brought. "yeah, three. neteyam is the oldest, but tuk would probably be the one to follow me." y/n seemed so genuinely interested. "i don't have any. my parents don't talk to me much anymore, the made me find my own pod to live in after they found out." he picked up some string and beads and started making a bracelet. "found out what?" he watched as y/ns hands quickly moved to construct whatever he was making. "that i like dudes. they flipped out. they're trying to have another baby because they said they don't want the bloodline to end. i'm a disgrace for being so selfish and refusing to give them grandchildren." he shrugged as if it was nothing. "oh.." lo'ak didn't know how to reply. what if he liked dudes? he thought he might, but girls are cute too. his parents definitely wouldn't react that way, but what if they wanted to meet y/ns parents?
"i... think i might like guys, too. but girls are pretty cute and i've never kissed a guy or anything." he confessed. "wanna change that?" y/n joked, putting his bracelet down for a minute and looking up to smirk at lo'ak. "hey, if you're offering i'm not declining it." he winked, causing the bracelet maker to go quiet. it was obvious he didn't know how to respond after being flirted with, he probably had always been the only flirty one. lo'ak scooted closer in response to the silence. "you can tell me to stop, 'kay?" he waited for any form of consent. y/n nodded, "okay.." he leaned in closer, kissing the corner of y/ns mouth. it was where he had wiped the blood of before. he moved slightly closer with each kiss, eventually getting to his lips. they didn't have a make out session or anything, just a ton of little kisses. y/n was on his back, wrapping his arms around lo'aks neck while lo'ak held himself up with his hands on the sand.
"lo'ak?" neteyam called out from behind the rocks, startling lo'ak and y/n enough to make a small sound. before lo'ak could throw himself off of y/n, neteyam was jumping over the rocks. y/n tried to hurry and get away, but it made them look more suspicious. "woah." neteyam stared at the two, how was he supposed to react to his brother on top of some guy? kiri hopped over the rocks carrying tuk. "dude!" lo'ak flung himself off of y/n to save tuk from seeing them. "oh my god i'm going to vomit!" kiri started gagging and tuk hopped out of her arms to meet y/n. "listen guys, it isn't what it looks like. we were wrestling and he was loosing." neteyam started chuckling and kiri watched tuk. "oh yeah? his arms were around your neck. what's that move called?" neteyam stepped slightly closer. "uh- y/n? what's that move called?" he looked back, but the boy he had been kissing was too busy drawing in the sand with his little sister, both of them crouched in front of their art. "hm?" he looked up, not bothering to help lo'ak defend himself. "lo'ak. you're lips were touching. a lot. i don't think you were wrestling." neteyam started punching him in the arm. "but good for you, dude!" he walked over to y/n to investigate. y/n didn't stand up, still focused on the art. "you do realize you have to introduce us, right? and mom and dad." he walked back over to the rocks. "i'll let you do it later, but it's your turn to watch tuk."
"lo'ak, am i your boyfriend?" y/n was now playing in the shallow water with tuk. "i mean- it's only been a few days. if you want to be, you are. no pressure." he kicked a little water at y/n. "well then, i'm your boyfriend. you're mine. when can i meet your parents?" tuk was now on y/ns back, trying to climb up to his shoulders. "tonight, if you wanna." he smiled as tuk started pulling on y/ns braids to guide him where she wanted to be carried. "alright. i don't know if those guys are still mad, though."
y/n and lo'ak were getting themselves ready to go to the family meeting. they hopped back over the rocks, lo'ak once again helping y/n, for the first time in a few days. lo'aks parents were back in their pod, and lo'ak led y/n up the netted pathways into their home. "hey." lo'ak said as he turned the corner sharply, still holding y/ns hand. y/n was about to pull away when he realized lo'aks family didn't care. he was really shy about touching in public. he didn't want lo'ak to get hurt like he was. "hi!" tuk ran over to y/n and hugged him. neytiri smiled, y/n being good with tuk was a really good sign to her.
when they were all sat down, lo'aks parents started introducing themselves. y/n was really intimidated by jake, simply because he was so much bigger. if he reacted the same way y/ns parents did, he'd be dead. "how did you two meet?" neytiri asked, tuk in her lap. "i cleaned him up after a fight. almost got his ass kicked." lo'ak was quick to answer, he wasn't at all ashamed of this. "no i did not! you said i did good!" y/n punched lo'aks arm before realizing that was just a way to get him to talk. "he did do really good, actually. i saw it." neteyam wasn't choosing lo'aks side on purpose. he did see it, he just didn't care too much. "a fight?" jakes voice was slightly deeper and he seemed mad. y/n wanted to run, just to get a head start. "i- uhm.." lo'ak put an arm around his shoulder. "it wasn't his fault. he was defending himself. he did kick their asses, though. they were way taller than me, even neteyam." neytiris eyes narrowed slightly, she didn't fully believe y/n won the fight. "do you have any family?" kiri tried to break the silence. "kinda- well, yes, technically. my parents, but i don't live there anymore." everyone in the room seemed confused. y/n wanted to make a run for it. he was sure jake was about to kill him, neytiri was about to yell, and neteyam was gonna get him later. sneak up on him in his sleep or something.
"y/n!" lo'aks ears pressed flat against his head. it was the same guys who had been fighting him days before, they were still mad about it. "tsahey!" y/n stood up so fast it made lo'ak jump a little. "i'm so sorry." he ran out of the pod to make sure tuk didn't see it. she shouldn't see this. he was gonna get hurt, bad. he knew it. "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." he whispered as he tried to quietly sneak down to his hiding spot. he couldn't see the boys. "i got you, you stupid little fuck!" one of the boys grabbed him from behind, scaring him so much he screamed. "no! i'm sorry!" he tried to claw himself free. "it's too late for that." the one holding him drug him down to the beach, out in the open. he put y/n down, still holding him by the upper arm. the other boy came over and stood there. one of them punched y/n in the stomach, but he wasn't sure which. he looked back to see the entire family had come down to help him. either that, or join in on the killing of him. he couldn't let himself be embarrassed that bad in front of them, he had to prove that he wasn't a weak little pussy like his dad thought. "fuck you!" he tried again to claw himself free, hoping it'd distract them from him turning around. he got punched again, but he managed to kick the man holding him in the stomach, freeing himself. the other tried to grab him, but he ran slightly farther and tried to make him trip over his friend. it didn't work, instead it made the boy catch up to him. y/n tried to run in circles, zigzags, anything to confuse him. it worked, giving y/n enough time to kick the back of his knees. once he was on the ground, he assumed he was okay.
the other boy, who he thought had been on the floor, came up behind him. he held a knife up to his neck and started taking him to the shore, turning away from the sully family. he really thought he was going to die. he truthfully didn't think he'd make it, he had fucked himself this time. he heard someone stomping- sprinting- over, so did his attacker. he dropped the knife slightly to look back, only to see the father of y/ns boyfriend towering over him. "you think tonowari would be happy about this?" he grabbed the boy by the hair, pulling him off of y/n. he took the knife out of his hand and drug him to tonowaris pod, neytiri grabbing the other. lo'ak rushed over to see if y/n was okay, hoping he hadn't been cut. "holy shit, are you good?" he grabbed y/ns chin, just like he had when they first met, to look at his face. his nose was bleeding again, the bruise on his shoulder hadn't gone away, and he was wheezing, probably had some bruised ribs. "i'm fine." y/n tried to look away. he was tearing up. he let himself be humiliating in front of the only people he wanted to impress. when he looked back up, jake and neytiri were there. "fuck. i'm so sorry. i really didn't know they'd come get me like that." y/n wiped his eyes, trying not to cry. "don't apologize, it wasn't your fault." neytiri tried to comfort him, but he was in too much pain to process what she'd said. "i'm so fucking sorry. i didn't want tuk to see that. i didn't want you guys to get involved. i'm sorry-" he was cut off by neytiri hugging him. he was about to burst into tears. his own mother hadn't hugged him since she'd found out. he really did start crying when neytiri let go and jake hugged him. even though it was only for a second, his own father had beat him after finding out. he hadn't been hugged like that for a long time.
the sully family took y/n back to their pod, gave him a blanket, and sat him down on a bed. lo'ak sat beside him and the rest of the family sat on the floor. "why were they so mad?" kiri seemed genuinely confused. "cuz i'm gay." y/n leaned his head on lo'aks shoulder. he accidentally fell asleep almost straight away. "can he sleep here tonight? please?" lo'ak practically begged his parents, and they said yes.
lo'ak turned his boyfriend and covered him up, crawling into bed with him once his parents had left. his boyfriend. he smiled every time he said it. y/n was really well known on the island, even if it wasn't for a good thing. lo'ak considered himself starstruck.
r-struck
/ˈstär ˌstrək/
adjective
fascinated or greatly impressed by famous people, especially those connected with the entertainment industry.
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