#i don't think it really is but JUST in case

[claraoswalds]

The sky's a burnt orange, with the Citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever. Slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow.

The Legend of Ruby Sunday // The Sound of Drums

[marvelwitchergilmore]

First Kick

Summary: Aaron Hotchner x Fe!Reader -> Both you and Aaron have been in a secret relationship for three years, except when you go into labour, the rest of the team can't help but speculate.

Disclaimer: Just pure fluff. Small descriptions of labour. BAU being a family. Jack and Haley don't exist in this fic. Not Proof Read.

You would have thought working with a bunch of FBI profilers, they would have figured out the truth by now. 

But they hadn’t. 

Instead, both yourself and Aaron had lived in wedded bliss for the last three years and were now expecting your first child. 

Of course, that couldn’t be hidden from the team. The constant morning sickness. The aversions to certain smells. The swollen ankles, the overwhelming emotions and the growing belly. 

Which, as you were sitting at the dim light of your desk filling in the last of the paperwork for your latest case, began to move. 

The others had stepped out for a while, grabbing some food. They had invited you except the thought of walking a block and a half already made you want to fall asleep. So, kissing the top of your head, Morgan took your order and promised to bring you back extra guac. 

The hum from the headphones you placed around your belly filled the small silence, a tune of Motzart rather than a constant drum of a nearby printer. 

However, from under the headphones, you felt a movement. 

It wasn’t big. Barely noticeable. But it was there. 

Or was it? 

Maybe it was nothing. 

Except, twenty seconds later, you knew for certain. 

Pulling the headphones from you, you stood up immediately and rushed towards Hotch’s office. 

And you continued with your normal routine. Knocking on his door, calling his name and stepping inside. 

“Is everything okay?”

Trying not to raise any alarm, you closed his office door behind you before shutting the blinds. 

“Is everything okay?”

Aaron scanned your face. “Honey?”

Within seconds he was by your side. “What is it?”

But then you smiled. And he became confused. 

“What-”

“Feel.”

Taking his hand, you guided it to cover part of your growing belly. “What am I-”

Kick.

You watched every emotion possible pass over Aaron’s face as he took in the feeling of your child kicking his palm. 

“Is that-”

Kick.

Then he laughed. 

Aaron Hotchner laughed. 

It wasn’t often that you got to see this side of your husband when at work. So it was a nice surprise when you did. 

Within seconds, he had stepped a little closer and had carefully removed his hand from the top of your stomach and slipped it under the hem of your shirt, allowing his warm palm to rest against your skin. 

Then your baby kicked harder. 

You both laughed that time. 

“Hey, ow.” You said, looking at your stomach. 

Aaron chuckled lightly before resting his forehead against yours as his other hand rested against your face, brushing the fallen hair from your face and cupping your cheek. 

“She’s moving.” 

You smiled. “You’re still convinced it’s a girl?”

“Of course I am. I’m a profiler. I should know.” 

You chuckled lightly, shaking your head. “I’m a profiler, too, you know.”

“I know.”

“And it’s mother.”

“And you disagree?” He asked, still with a light smile gracing his lips. 

You hummed. “I’m uncertain.”

“Well, how about I give you my profile and see how you feel?”

You laughed. “It really is second nature to you.”

Aaron hummed before moving his hand, still under your shirt, to the top of your belly. 

“You’re carrying high, for one.” His thumb traced back and forth on your stomach. “You’ve suffered with morning sickness before twelve weeks, your main craving so far has been fruit. You sleep on your right side.”

“I always sleep on my right side.”

Aaron smiled. “And your skin,” He stroked his thumb against your cheekbone. “It’s soft.”

You smiled, leaning into his touch. “Except, they are just old wives tales.”

“I’d like to think there is still some justice in them. Are you sure you want to wait until they’re born?”

“Yes.”

“And you couldn’t be persuaded?”

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?” Aaron smirked a little before leaning in and kissing you. 

Pulling his hand from your stomach, he brought it up to the other side of your face and it wasn’t long before he felt your body melt into his. 

“The others are going to be back soon.”

Aaron groaned a little but not before kissing you a last few times before pulling away. 

“You’d think they would have figured it out by now.” 

You nodded. “But it is kinda fun. And I can’t wait until they see our baby. I have a feeling they’ll look like you.”

“I should hope so.”

You laughed. “You know what I mean. And, if it is a girl, don’t they usually look like they’re dad?”

“Are you saying you agree with my profile?”

You hummed. “Maybe. Just a little. You are the Unit Chief of the BAU, so I suppose you have some credibility.”

“Even if they’re just old wives tales?” He asked, raising his eyebrow a little. 

You nodded, with a slight smile. “Even if they’re just old wives tales.”

You finally left his office just before the team got back, but not before stealing a few more kisses. 

Over the following months, the team grew more protective of you. With your pregnancy coming to an end, and still not knowing who the father was, they began to step up. 

It was sweet to watch. 

Penelope had planned your baby shower with JJ’s help. Reid had read up on everything a doctor and midwife knew about giving birth, just in case you went into early labour. Emily had helped you pack your spare hospital bag for the office in case you were rushed into labour whilst at the office or away on a case, being too far from home to drive to get your hospital bag. 

And when Hotch couldn’t be by your side, he made sure either Rossi and Morgan were there to help you. 

“You okay there, Momma?”

You looked to Morgan who had appeared from around the corner. You were leaning against the counter, your hand holding onto the bottom of your belly. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” You breathed out. “Just a little- ow. Okay. Hey-”

“Whoa, hey, okay, take it easy.”

Morgan placed his coffee mug down, coming right back to your side and holding your hand. “What do you need?”

Your grip tightened around his hand. “Ow. Hospital.”

“Okay, okay. Where’s your hospital bag?”

“By my desk. Emily-” You grunted in pain. “Emily knows.”

“Okay, okay. It’s okay. Emily!”

Turning around, it took Emily less than ten seconds to realise what was going on. 

“Okay, Garcia. Hey! Penelope, call Hotch. Let him know what’s going on.”

“Why, what’s-O…oh my god. Okay, Okay. Calling him now.”

By the time Morgan got you to the parking lot, Hotch was pulling in. 

“Get in, I can drive her straight there.”

“Have you got everything you need?”

You nodded. 

“Call us if you need anything?” Emily asked, shutting your door. 

You could only hum, holding onto Emily’s hand. 

She leaned in for a moment, kissing your cheek. 

“See you when you get back, Momma.”

Hotch pulled away a few moments later, rushing you directly to the hospital. 

And for the next twenty hours, Hotch stayed by your side. And the rest of the team started to think. 

“I mean, think about it. When she got braxton hicks. Who was the first one at her side?”

“Hotch.” Penelope answered. 

“Yeah, and the way he looked. I don’t know about you but I have never seen Hotch that nervous.”

“That is true.” Rossi agreed. 

“But they can’t be…together, can they?” JJ asked. “You all had it sussed about me and Will. They couldn’t go this long and not have us at least find out.”

“Maybe they didn’t want us to.”

“Or maybe they’re not together at all.”

“When have you ever known either of them to be that close with each other as they are with us? Rossi, have you ever seen the inside of Hotch’s house?”

“Not for a while, no. Why, have you ever seen hers?”

Emily shook her head. 

“Penelope, can you find out anything?” Morgan asked, turning to his best girl. 

“I can but it would completely wreck my moral standing.”

“You’ve never run a background check on us?” JJ asked. 

“No! That would be an invasion of your privacy. And theirs! If they are a..them, I suppose. Or maybe not. Maybe she is just a single mother and Hotch has decided to help her. He was the first to find out.”

“See, another thing!” Emily pointed out. 

“But Hotch is the first to know everything about us. He’s the main person we have to tell when it comes to personal things that could affect our work.” Morgan explained. 

“But why not come to one of us?” Rossi asked. “JJ, what do you think? Out of us, who would you have come to?”

JJ thought for a moment. “Out of you boys? Probably…Hotch.”

“Really?” Rossi asked. 

“Why not me?” Morgan asked. 

“Or me?” Reid finished. 

JJ smiled. “You know I love you all equally, but out of Three Divorces, Pretty Boy and Chocolate Thunder, I’d want to tell someone I know to be calm. That could remain level headed.”

“And we’re not level headed?” Morgan asked, causing JJ to look up above her shoulder. 

“What did you do when I told you I was pregnant?”

Morgan paused for a second. “You may have a point.”

“Either way, we can’t know for certain that they’re having a baby together.” Reid pointed out. 

“Well, she’s married. Or engaged, at least.”

They all turned to Emily. 

“How do you know that?”

“Her wedding finger. Last time she came back from AL she had a tan line. It was faint, but it was there.”

“Maybe he ran off? They got pregnant but he didn’t want to be in the picture?”

Penelope scoffed. “What a jerk.”

“I don’t think they’d appreciate us speculating like this.”

“JJ’s right. Maybe they’re just friends and Hotch is helping her out. Garcia, have you heard from them yet?”

“Not yet, Sir.”

Meanwhile, at the hospital, the midwife was instructing Aaron to get behind you, holding you up and holding your hands and you continued to push. 

“I don’t think I can do it.”

“Yes, you can. Yes, you can. Come on, honey. I know you can.”

“Can’t you do it for me?”

Aaron chuckled. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

“Just a couple more pushes, Mrs Hotchner.”

Another wave of contractions hit and you continued to push for another fifteen minutes before finally everyone in the room heard the cries of your baby. 

“You did it, honey. I’m so proud of you. You did it.”

“Is she okay? What-Where is she?”

Aaron smiled, tears in his eyes, pushing the hair out of your own. “She’s-She’s okay. Look, the midwife is just wrapping them up.”

A few moments later, the midwife handed you your baby. 

Two days later they discharged you from the hospital and the first stop made was at the office considering the last of your things had been left there when you went into labour. 

And it also meant the team could finally greet your baby. 

“Ooh, ooh, they’re here. They’re here.”

Penelope was the first to spot you and Hotch standing in his office and it wasn’t long before they were all standing outside. 

However, as the congratulations and praise was made, Penelope’s voice dropped an octave after she got a clear look of the baby. 

“Oh my god.”

“What is it, Garcia?”

“Ohh, ohh, ohh my goodness.”

But you could only smile. 

“You!” Penelope pointed before turning to look at Hotch. “And you! Oh my god! You are!”

You looked behind you, finding your husband standing closer to you than when the team had first walked inside. 

“Are what? Baby girl, what’s-”

And then it clicked. 

With all of them. 

And for a moment they were all stunned into complete silence. 

“Aaron…why didn’t you…”

“Tell you?” Hotch asked, finishing Rossi’s question.

“Truthfully, we kinda maybe wanted to see how long it would take you all to figure out.” You explained. 

“But…how?!” JJ asked. 

You just shrugged. 

“Hints were there if you looked for them.” Aaron said. 

“Hints were- Oh, so, now he tells us. How long?”

“Four years.” You both answered. 

“Four years?!” They all half shouted, quickly remembering there was an infant present. 

“Wait.” Penelope said, holding up her hands. “Oh my god, it’s all coming together. This must be how Sherlock Holmes feels when he cracks a case.”

Both yourself and Aaron smiled before looking down at the sleeping baby in your arms. 

“The weekends away, the lunch orders, the arrive at work together. Oh my god! The touching.” Penelope hit Emily and Derek’s arm. 

“Ow!” They both called. 

“How could you two not have noticed this?!”

“You didn’t notice either!” Emily replied, rubbing her arm. 

“Baby girl, they kept this from us for four years. Why aren’t you hitting them?”

“Because,” Penelope explained. “She had just had a beautiful baby girl. And Hotch is my boss.”

“Can you ever find a way to forgive us?”

They all looked at each other before seemingly coming to the same conclusion. “Fine. But, only if you tell us how it happened and when. And, if you have a wedding re-do so that we all get to attend.”

Both you and Aaron looked at each other. 

“That could work.”

“Great! Now, let me see this beautiful baby girl.” Penelope said, her voice once again chipper, as she came to your side. 

“My goodness, she’s beautiful. Hotch, she looks just like you.”

Aaron smiled at the compliment, but shook his head. “No, that’s all her mom.”

“Oh-ho,” Rossi laughed a little. “She is going to be running rings around us all soon enough.”

Four weeks later, each member of the team turned up together on different days, listening to the story of your relationship. First were the girls and Reid before JJ showed up with Morgan and Rossi. JJ was there to drop some items off that both yourself and Hotch would find useful with the nursery but she didn’t mind hearing the story a second time. 

Eight weeks after you had given birth, your doorbell rang and just as Aaron opened up the front door, Penelope and Rossi walked inside carrying boxes of items before directing the rest of the team through your home into the garden. 

“Dave, what’s going on?”

“You, my dear friend, are getting married.”

“We’re already married.” You said with a small laugh, walking to stand beside your husband. 

Dave nodded. “That you are, but today, you are both getting remarried. You did promise us.”

“We did promise them.” Aaron said, turning to look at you. 

“We did, didn’t we?”

Dave smiled. “So, Uncle Reid is going to be looking after this little one.”

You carefully handed your baby girl to Spencer as Dave continued to explain. 

“Whilst the girls help you get ready and I enlist your help,” Rossi turned to look at Hotch. “To help finish the set up.”

Penelope appeared from down the hallway. “Come on, Emily is finishing setting everything up.”

“I guess I’ll see you at the wedding?”

“I’ll be the one in white.”

Aaron smiled before kissing you quickly as barely a second later Penelope was dragging you upstairs. 

That night was filled with joy, laughter and happiness. Yourself and Aaron shared another set of marriage vows in front of the team. You shared a second first dance, a second first kiss and a first family dance. 

It was a quiet moment on the corner of the dance floor. You were swaying with your baby, softly, in your arms when you felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around your waist from behind and a familiar pair of lips kiss your shoulder. 

Turning around you, Aaron held both of you close. Your forehead against his and your eyes closed, his fingers traced patterns against your arms back and forth before down your side and to your hips where he pulled you in a little closer. 

Neither of you knew it until a week later, but Morgan had, with Emily’s help, caught everything on camera. And with help from Penelope, a second wedding video had been made. 

Capturing the full length of your first family dance together.

[laroserie]

i love the idea of joining the batfam by dating bruce, but can you imagine how awkward it must be ?

like you are dating bruce, you most probably know he is batman (he couldn't date seriously someone and never tell them) which is like a huge thing, you probably knew each others for at least 5 years and dated for at least 2 before you even step foot in his house and even then ! you still have never meet any of his adopted kids, he always has a way of avoiding The meeting.

of course - you know who his kids are, bruce is ... literally the it guy of gotham, you very much know the names and faces of his family - but that's it (now if you know their vigilantes identities is different story)

the question is, are they aware of your existence ? (of course alfred is aware; that out of the question, he followed to development of yours and bruce relationship from a to z)

going more for a no, not at the start, bruce has this clumsy dumb bilionaire personality but he probably could not like for you to receive media attention because he doesn't wish for your privacy to be intruded upon because you are dating (now there may have been one instance where the paparazzi took a picture of you and him together, but they could only see you from the back, or your face wasn't visible for whatever reason). they probably learnt about your existence very late into your relationship with bruce, and it's surely by accident, like, one of them see a message from you to bruce (and it's something probably something very cheesy) when he left it somewhere by inadvertence. and depending on who see that, they either fully open bruce's phone (sorry but they all know his phone password, bruce isn't aware of that tho) and read your conversation or they find some others way to have access to his messages with you (that isn't so blatant).

they for sure, do an 'emergency' meeting about it (dick and damian were the two that really wanted to do one, the rest probably don't care that much at that time, they probably think you are just the fling of the month for bruce - well usually the fling of the month is not that ... cheesy with him ? in their messages, and the conversations aren't usually that long ... nor do they go back that much. but whatever ! they do suddenly notice that it's been a while, since, well the last fling of the month of bruce but, it must just be a coincidence) which end up with them keeping tabs on you, just in case

now, you meeting them could happen in two way

either they are the one to meet you first - they don't want to wait for bruce to formally introduce you to them - or them to you. the one that 'lead' this is for sure damian, he is determinate to find out your intention with his father (and fight you), dick will lie and say he is just there to make sure everything go 'well' but he is just genuinely very curious about you and the fact that you are dating bruce - this can go for most of them, tho cass and tim are probably the one that are the most reticent to meeting you ? but nevertheless, they still are here, because they for sure won't let damian and dick have all the 'fun'. now jason, is probably also coming for the shit and giggle.

or you meeting them could happen because of bruce - deciding that it's finally time you meet his kids, so he invite all of them to dinner telling them he was someone he wants them to meet, and telling you explicitly that he wants you to meet his family (and the people that are part of his family but aren't family family) - of course, he could talk about it with you first, he could never force you into that. the meet - dinner, probably do not go in the way bruce hoped for it to go (but truth be told, he wasn't expecting it to go the way he wished it did). it's not awful, nothing bad happen. it's just awkward. one of them (probably jason) let slip that they already knew about you - damian make it very clear that he doesn't accept you (and dick has to try to diffuse the situation and tell you that damian is just joking - damian is not joking and he gives a death glare to dick), tim probably do not say anything of half of the dinner before asking you a weird question about something he should have no information about (like what's up with one of your weird habit / quirk), cass is just silent - she assess you for the entirety of the dinner (she conclude by the end of it that you quite a nice person and that she likes you quite a bit), duke is very kind and is very polite with you (he is a bit apprehensive and isn't sure why he is there but he figures it's because bruce wanted to have at least one regular person treating you normally - dick is too ... enthusiastic for that role)

at the end of said dinner, when bruce is driving you home, it's probably the most silent ride home you have ever experienced. until you burst out laughing - the dinner was probably the funniest shit you experienced. it felt like it came straight out of a shitty tv show with 14 seasons. sure it was very much awkward but still funny ! you reassure bruce that it was fine, though you could have liked a warning.

and ... you can add a yandere twist on it, and i love yandere so ... . some of them (tim and cass and probably dick) could start developing yandere tendencies when they learn of your existence ( and keep 'tab on you' aka stalks you and learn everything they can about you ), the others (damian and jason + eventually steph and duke even though they are probably some of waaay lesser yandere-y yandere) could start becoming like that after they finally meet you in person. damian could be the one to take the most or less time to become attach on you, it depend, but he could go thru a big phase of 'i refuse for you to replace talia, my mother, therefor i will despite your entire existence' but if you try to get closer to him, this phase will end very soon and his barrier melt away, if you want to let him take his time to accept you, the result will be the same but damian will try to make up for the time he hated you.

and of course, yandere bruce could be so happy for you to like / get to know and get closer to his family, and that's one more way he can tie you to him !

[enbycarp]

Hey all, it's Juneteenth. I feel like this is a good day to talk about folks in prison.

I'm pen pals with several folks in prison. I've been doing this for many years now, and i think it's one of the most important things I've ever done. I started because i was interested in prison abolition, and i was told this was the way to get started in that movement. It's also a way to invest in our communities. Because queer, poc, poor, and disabled communities are disproportionately affected by the industrial prison complex. It's our people who are being thrown into cages and often being forgotten, tortured, enslaved, and denied their rights. We can invest in our communities and participate in mutual aid no matter what our resources or ability levels are. Being a pen pal requires investing a pretty small amount of time and money. Literally, if you can write a letter, you can do it (and often, you can send the letters online, so you don't even need paper).

I have made some true friends as a pen pal. People who have offered me support as much as i have offered them. I have one pen pal who i can talk to about things that i don't talk about with anyone else.

I won't lie, it's not always easy. There have been a couple pen pals that i didn't get along with well. I had to tell them that it wasn't working and gently end our correspondence. I've had two pen pals that stopped writing to me after they got out, and i just have to hope that they're ok out there. And these folks put up with really hard, sometimes horrifying shit inside. It can be hard to process that. Though, I've known other folks with pen pals who clearly set boundaries about what they're comfortable talking about and that's worked for them. I've had a pen pal ask me to do more than i was able to do for them, and i had to tell them no. They understood. You have to be able to set boundaries in any relationship, though.

You get to decide what you can do to help a pen pal. For some of us, that's just writing letters. I sometimes send gifts to folks (mostly books from Amazon). For one of my pen pals, i look up info about magic the gathering or D&D because she plays those games inside. For another, i wrote a letter to help support her case for getting a shorter sentence. One friend likes me to look up facts about his favorite actresses and sports teams. When one friend was facing transphobic discrimination, i organized a call in to the superintendent (and we really helped her). Some pen pals are looking for romantic connections (they generally tell you up front of that's the case). Many queer prisoners just need a connection to their community.

Please at least check out www.blackandpink.org and learn about what being a pen pal can mean for people on the inside. That organization has connected me with several queer pen pals. Even if you're not going to sign up to be a pen pal, just take a few minutes to learn about it.

Thanks!

Ps: you can ask me if you have any questions about

[soapskneebrace]

This truly is the last thing I want to say on this blog and then I'm done, but given how the fucking catastrophe started it's only appropriate this is how I end it—

You have racist bias whether you like it or not. Particularly if you are US American, racism was baked into your worldview no matter what kind of household, liberal or conservative, you grew up in. Racism is quite often far more covert than it is overt. It is not just a voluntary behavior; it is more often the subconscious ways you organize and hierarchize other cultures and people.

In the case of Gaz—sure, you might actively believe that he deserves to be more included. You think he's a good character and people really should think about him more! But you personally headcanon him a certain way, and really it's not a headcanon you're actually all that into, so that's why you don't talk about him as much. It's not because he's black, it's because he doesn't fit the thing you like talking about the most. The fact that he's black is really just a coincidence, you're not excluding him because of that. In fact, you're sure other people like him for exactly the reason you're not all that into him, and you'll just leave it to them to pick up the slack. Or you'll get to him later! In fact, you have some ideas for him. You just haven't gotten around to them yet.

Take that and multiply it by thousands of white women in fandom—not just this fandom, not just Gaz's character, but every fandom and every character of color. It doesn't matter that there's no active malice behind not personally liking black characters and other characters of color. Non-white characters still take a backseat to their white counterparts, because white women in fandom cannot wrap their heads around black, brown, indigenous, and Asian characters as complex, complicated characters worthy of their interest or frankly, their desire.

They cannot wrap their heads around this because they were conditioned not to by decades of racist culture.

Case in point; plenty of white women in this fandom have fallen head over heels for Makarov and Graves. The sins of these out-and-out villains are totally forgiven by virtue of their sex appeal, and because they are portrayed by attractive, charismatic men who put a lot of passion behind their performances.

But can we say the same for Hadir? Can we say the same for Hassan?

The sins of these two Middle Eastern characters do not outweigh those of their villainous white counterparts, yet how many angsty fix-it fics have been written exploring Hadir's complicated relationship with violence and imperialism? How many enemies-to-lovers or even lovers-to-enemies fics have been written about Hassan, the face of whose homeland has been irrevocably marred by US interference?

No one who points out the racism of this trend is accusing these white women of active, militant white supremacy. I'm not saying any of you even have to like Gaz, Hadir, or Hassan. But your preferences have been tuned for you by a culture shaped by slavery, imperialism, and white supremacy. That is not something you can escape merely because you support the BLM movement or reblog vetted Palestinian gofundmes.

The only way you can truly fight your own racism is to be actively anti-racist. It is about far more than who you give money to or what graphics you pin on your instagram. It is an everyday practice of learning how racism has shaped your worldview for you.

This is not work that is done in a week, a month, or a year. Becoming anti-racist takes as much time as it took to make you racist in the first place. For some of you, the work may turn out to be easy. For others, it may be hard. You must do it either way.

Some good places to start:

Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Ain't I a Woman? by bell hooks

We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks

A Burst of Light by Audre Lorde

The Body Is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor

Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

Being Palestinian edited by Yasir Suleiman

[dunmeshistash]

I don't think Marcille is that immature. She complains a lot and has a more childish side but I wouldn't say it's the equivalent of being young like for example Pattadol or Izutsumi's (who are 16 and 17)

Marcille very much acts like an adult when it matters, she has enough emotional stability to deal with a lot when it isn't related to her trauma, the immaturity she displays (like being mad at Namari, not understanding why she left) to me it's the equivalent of a 19~20yo type of immaturity? Maybe people overestimate how mature you are in your early 20s?

About her more childish tastes (her monsters, her doll etc) I'm way past my early 20s and I still have toys and very much have a 'childish taste' that might be even worse than Marcille's, I think that's more an indicative of her lost childhood she's still attached to. (And her monsters probably more to do with her general disgust for real monsters)

(in my case I just like cute things tho)

Her mother basically told her she'll be abandoned always, that everyone she loves will die before her, right when she was still processing the passing of her father. It's really no wonder she can't grow in that aspect.

I think her dungeon lord outfit exemplifies that duality, the outfit has both the earmuffs that are associated with children but is also the "most mature" outfit Marcille has wore so far, with a body hugging silhouette and cleavage.

Marcille has trouble letting go, she seeks comfort and stability, I don't think it's so strange she hangs on to childhood toys even in her adulthood. They wont leave her.

I mean there's another character associated with childish toys and she's a war veteran milf.

[starhrtz]

❝CAUSE I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE THIS TIME.❞

summary: each one of them, in their own way, seeks for your attention, hoping to be the one you choose..

featuring: wanderer, kazuha, heizou, ga ming.

notes: anyone miss me :3 anyways this was a fic from an old blog of mine. I'll be try to be more active anyways. (DO YOUR DAILY CLICKS!!)

WANDERER — who tried to ignore it. this feeling whenever he hears you talking to your friends, where his chest tightens and him wanting all your attention to himself. yet the more he saw you, the more he found himself wanting to be near you. He started making excuses to hang out with you, offering to help with homework or making you both paired up together for projects. He even found himself trying to impress you, showing off his intelligence in class or dropping hints about his latest achievements to you. Hopefully, you'll choose him instead of those countless of guys pining for you.

KAZUHA — who at first didn't know why he was feeling like this? Why did his heart tighten everytime he hears that you would be hanging out with your group of friends and he soon finds himself wanting to hang out with you everyday and trying to impress you. He tries to make himself available in case you want to hangout with him, how could he resist seeing you energetically planning on what to do after school with him and him alone?

HEIZOU — who doesn't even hide that he has a crush on you, doing the most embarrassing and dumbest things imaginable just so he can have you even glance at him. Afterall, he didn't get the title as the class clown and troublemaker for nothing so don't be surprised if he got himself in detention doing something reckless since his whole reason is so he can have your attention on him and him alone.

GA MING — who wonders why you don't seem to interact with him sure he may be popular but did that really scare you off? He was clueless at first but decided to find out more about you, asking some of his friends who were in the same class as you, subtly looking at your phone to find out more about your interests(and maybe steal a glance at your phone number) when he walks and even asking his friend group for your Instagram. Sure, he may be trying a little too hard going as far as to have the same common interest as you but if it gets you to notice him and talk to him, he'll gladly do it.

[ao3commentoftheday]

do you have any advice on what to do when you know your writing issues are connected to wanting a community, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t find a community? or you know that if you go ahead and write for the rarepair/fandom/character of your heart, you’ll have no one to write for and look like a total loser? there are some fandoms i want to write for so bad, but i know no one would ever read anything i write, and i can’t find a point in writing when that’s the case.

I really want to give you a hug, anon 💗 You're being so mean to yourself, and you really don't deserve it.

Why are you so sure that no one will read anything that you write? And why do you think you'd be a loser if that were the case?

Community is a really important part of creating for a lot of people. They draw energy and motivation from sharing ideas and getting excited about each other's art. They get inspired by talking to other people about their projects or about the source material or about a shared love of a trope.

But from what you wrote here (and I could be wrong, this is just one paragraph), it sounds like you need a community in order to find your self-worth. You are describing your success or failure, your value or lack thereof in terms of what other people think about you and whether they react to your work.

You are good and important and worth knowing whether other people read your fic or not ❤️❤️

When it comes to finding a community, I recommend starting with just one person. Find someone who's blog you like or whose writing or art you enjoy and reach out to them. Send an ask. Drop a comment. Try a DM. Whatever you're comfortable with, get to know them a little and see if you want to be friends. Once you've got one person, it's easier to find more.

But at the same time that you do that, try to change the way you talk to and about yourself. I know it's hard and it might even feel awkward, but it makes a difference if you can keep it up. It even stops being hard after a while.

Remember that no other person's opinion is more important than your own. You created your work and you understand it best. Your first audience is yourself, after all.

You'll never be able to control what other people do - whether they read your fic or comment on it, whether they like it or hate it or leave a kudos.

Instead of thinking about those things, think about what you can control. Choose what stories you write. Do the things you're passionate about. Celebrate goals like word count or completing a fic or writing a really great line. Those are all achievements too, and none of them depend on the opinions of others.

It is really hard to separate your desire for attention or approval from your desire to participate in a fandom, and it's going to take time to untangle them from each other. But we're all here cheering you on, anon, and we'd love to help you on your way.

[skyrigel]

Baby, you're mine.

Ex bf! Mattheo Riddle x gn!reader

Hi, umm kinda wanted a jealous fic where Mattheo's a complete jerk ( fool ) for you. Basically that one time he ruined your date and also the time he made up. Draco being a little shit but we love him.

" Isn't he a dork ? " Mattheo smirked, his fingertips brushing against your back when you snapped back at him.

" You're such a jerk matty." You perched your lips, crossing your arms as his smirk only widened, his eyes softening at the sight of you.

" For you, always." He added with a wink, you wouldn't smile, no, you will not give him that.

" Why don't you leave me alone ? " You turned to walk ahead, you were aware of your charms class that was just about to start.

" How about you don't go on this date ? " He suggested instead, catching up with you, few third year Hufflepuffs parted away.

" Marcus is a very good guy." You mumbled, Matheo scoffed hard and his malice was very much visible in the way he scowled at his name.

" Didn't you like bad guys ? " Matheo tried his soft, sweet voice, the one that always melted you, but not this time, you wouldn't let him.

" Does it matter ? Weren't you fucking Susan or was it Komal, i remember." You narrowed your gaze at him, your mouth tightening as his soft facade crumbled, his jaw slackened but he was quick to recover.

" It was...it meant.. nothing to me." He nodded his head, eyes blazing with sincerity but if only, if only.

" Mattheo, I know you haven't got heart—"

" Babe—"

"—but these girls have got one, so don't break theirs." You glared at him once before marching towards your charms class, eyes brimming with tears.

_

You should've known as soon as you entered the great hall when the silence on Slytherin table was too much, Draco was practically buzzing, his mouth was perked up around the edges, being not so subtle with his glances on you.

Mattheo was just another case, he was staring at you, not minding the concernful eyes that gazed him down, clad with longing and desire, he didn't care about them.You dutifully paid him no attention.

The mist cleared when Marcus didn't come that evening and it wasn't a surprise when you found him in hospital wing later , poor boy even refusing to speak with you. Well done, mattheo.

_

" Hey Y/n, heard you got stood up—" you shot bat boggey hex at Draco, with mere mumbling under your breath as you swinged your rucksack on one shoulder, feeling very tired.

Draco scowled but said nothing, Mattheo only smiled smugly.

" I was thinking—" Matheo started, you stomped your books down.

" Don't talk to me." You said, feeling anger boil inside you.

" I didn't do it on purpose." Mattheo dropped his gaze to your lips, you looked away.

" Oh really ?! " You huffed a humour less laugh that oddly sounded a croak.

" He..He talked shit about you babe, what was i supposed to do ? "

" Listen." Draco said, ducking his head when both you and Riddle glared at him.

" Well anything but to beat the pulp out of him." You cocked your head, wincing to think about the damage Mattheo had done, it would be a hard for Marcus to ever date again.

" He said he just wanted to fuck you and be done." His eyes glistented and you didn't know if Riddle could cry, he did when you broke up with him but—

" Said that he wasn't being serious so I shouldn't worry, just a fuck." He swallowed hard, his adam rolling up and readjusting again, every ring of his cartilage pressing around his skin.

" Tell me baby, what I was supposed to do ? Shouldn't I kill him ? What if...what if he broke your heart ? " He pressed down his forehead against you, Draco looked away, swaggering towards the other end of the corridor, others following.

You closed your eyes at the feel of him, Mattheo could be cold but how could you let go of this warmness that tingled your way, how could you forget the sweet darling boy who sung lullabies and wrote poetries for you, how could you ?

" He can't..." You gulped, " he can't break my heart Matty, you already did it." You sniffed hard, would it be okay if you just...just hugged him and kiss him for one last time, just once, would it be okay ?

" I am sorry darling, I am so sorry." He nuzzled closer, his nose caressing your cheek as he inahled you in, your scent, the way you made him crazy and feral. All of you.

" I hate myself for not hating you." You admitted, feeling your heart shedding off some burden.

" And I love myself for loving you, I tried..tried so hard and no one, my beloved, i can love no one like i love you." His lips pressed against the corner of your mouth, your whole body rippling in magnetic waves.

" You're a jerk." You told him, pulling him by his tie as a smile aroused him, soon it crashed against you, like lightening bolts set free as you tasted his sweetness, his tongue warm as you parted for him, let him take the lead.

A soft moan escaped and you shivered because you loved this boy, for so long you have, and only he could set you on fire and make you ablaze, only he could reduce you to ashes and breath you back in the air.

" Oh baby." He breathed against you, ever so handsy he grabbed for everything he could get, pulling you closer till there was nothing left you and him, his knees pressing between you legs as he relished in the sounds you could make, only for him.

" Matt..." Your voice was dazed with the pit in your stomach that lurched with the way he touched you, kissed you, had you.

" So long...so..my baby." He whispered against you lips, dipping to nib at your flushed swollen beaming lips.

" Oh my god." Your lids drooped back when his hands roughly slipped inside you shirt, kneading and squeezing your flesh, he was so needy and wild, like you always made him.

He downed your shirt, flushed as he pulled away when the bell rang and crowd started to emerge from classes.

"Go on a date with me." He pecked your cheeks, glancing to make sure your shirt wasn't riding up.

" Can't." You said, his nose scrunched up, " afraid my boyfriend might beat you up."

Mattheo's grin was splitting his whole face, his cheeks rushing with color and heat.

" Sounds like a jerk to me." He breathed, eyeing your lips and leaning in.

" Oh, he is." You winked, " always for me."

[doctorbitchcrxft]

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (Eventual ? )

Warnings: canon gore, canon violence, discussing parental death, coping with grief

Word Count: 4540

A/N: Happy Juneteenth, my lovebugs!

Series Rewrite Masterlist

 You were barely clinging to consciousness in the backseat as the brothers’ bickering acted as a bizarre lullaby. Sam insisted on going to visit his mother’s grave following his father’s death, but Dean was— as always— stubbornly skeptical. You were, as usual, just along for the ride. 

When you did finally arrive at the site of Mary’s grave, Dean refused to go within a fifty-yard radius of her headstone. When you asked him why, he refused to answer. 

“Wait, (Y/N/N), look,” he said, gesturing to a tree with a perfect circle of dead grass around a grave right next to it. 

“Huh,” you replied, stooping down to the dead flowers laid on the gravestone. “What’re your thoughts?”

“I don’t know, but I think I’m gonna talk to the groundskeeper and find out.” With that, he walked away from you and over to a man who was tending the graves. You headed over to Sam and noticed he was burying John’s dogtags in the spot next to his mother’s grave.

“That’s really sweet,” you told him, and he looked up at you with teary eyes. “Hey, I know this is a bad time, but I think we got something.”

He tilted his head in confusion.

“I know, I know, weird coincidence, but come look.” You showed him over to the circle of dead grass. 

He just furrowed his brows at it as Dean walked back up to you. “Angela Mason,” Dean explained. “She was a student at the local college; funeral was three days ago.”

The three of you began to walk back to the car. “And?” Sam questioned.

“And? You saw her grave,” you said. “You don’t think that’s a little weird?”

“Maybe the groundskeeper went a little agro with the pesticide,” the brunet shrugged.

Dean shook his head. “No, I asked him. No pesticide, no chemicals. Nobody can explain it.”

“Okay, so what are you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” his brother responded. “Unholy ground, maybe?”

“Un—” Sam stopped himself, speechless.

“What? If something evil happened there, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the- the farm outside of Cedar Rapids?” Dean continued. “Could be the sign of a demonic presence. Or the Angela girl's spirit, if it's powerful enough.”

Sam nodded and turned away. 

“Well, don't get too excited, you might pull something,” Dean deadpanned.

“It's just,” Sam began, “stumbling onto a hunt? Here, of all places?”

You shrugged. “So?”

“So—” Sam turned to his brother, “—are you sure this is about a hunt, and not about something else?”

Dean was immediately on the defensive. “What else would it be about?”

Sam sighed and went to duck into the Impala. “You know, just forget about it.”

“Sam, I have no connection to this whole thing, and I think it’s worth checking out,” you protested.

“Yeah, fine,” Sam grumbled, getting into the car.

***

You and the Winchesters went to speak to the deceased’s father next. The tension in the room had been high as the brothers subtly digged at one another; their feelings on the case began to seep through into their words while they talked to the professor. Something you found interesting was the man’s ancient Greek textbook, and the fact that he taught a course on ancient Greece. 

Dean and Sam were bickering as soon as you got back to their motel room.

“I'm telling you, there's something going on here. We just haven't found it yet.”

“Dean, so far you've got a patch of dead grass and nothing.”

“Well, something turned that grave into unholy ground.”

Sam scoffed. “There's no reason for it to be unholy ground. Angela Mason was a nice girl who died in a car crash. That's not exactly vengeful spirit material. You heard her father.”

“Yeah, well, maybe Daddy doesn't know everything there is to know about his little angel, huh?” Dean suggested.

“You know what? We never should have bothered that poor man. We shouldn't even be here anymore,” Sam argued.

“Boys, quit it!” you tried, but Dean talked right over you.

“So what, Sam? What, we just bail? Without even figuring out what's going on?”

Sam’s voice softened. “I think I know what's going on here. It's the only reason I went along with you this far.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean scoffed.

“This is about Mom's grave.”

Dean glared. “That's got nothing to do with it.”

“You wouldn't step within a hundred yards of it. Look, maybe you're imagining a hunt where there isn't one so you don't have to think about Mom. Or Dad,” Sam continued.

Dean turned to look at him, his face angry. 

“You wanna take a swing?” Sam sighed. “Go ahead, if it'll make you feel better.”

Dean shook his head and grabbed his keys and jacket. “I don't need this crap.”

“Dean, where are you going?” you asked, following him.

“I'm going to go get a drink. Alone.”

Your feelings were slightly hurt, but you understood. You allowed him his space and backed off immediately. 

***

Dean called you the next morning, waking you up at around six in the morning. “Dee?” you rasped, rubbing your eyes. “Why are you up this early?” You sat up, suddenly snapping to attention. “Don’t tell me you’re still out—”

“No, (Y/N/N), I’m not,” he responded. “I’ve been working my imaginary case.”

“Dean, I never said it was imaginary. I think you’re onto something here. Don’t get snippy with me just ‘cause you’re mad at Sam,” you scolded.

He sighed. “You’re right, I’m sorry. And… I’m sorry I shut you out.”

“I get it,” you replied softly. “You needed space. That’s okay.”

He chuckled. “Thanks, Dr. Phil, but seriously. Angela’s ex-boyfriend is dead. Meet me in the room with Sam. I’ll be there in five.”

And so, you obliged, meeting him outside their motel room. When you opened the door, Sam immediately turned off the television and awkwardly looked around. 

“Hey,” he said.

You entered cautiously, glancing between Sam and the television.

“What?” he asked you and his brother.

Dean grimaced. “Awkward.”

“Where in the hell were you?” Sam questioned pointedly. 

“Well, you were right. Didn’t find much.” Dean said, glaring a little at Sam. “Except Angela's boyfriend died last night. Slit his own throat. But, you know, that's normal. Uh, let's see, what else. Oh, he was seeing Angela everywhere before he died. But you know, I'm sure that's just me transferring my own feelings.”

“Okay, I get it. I'm sorry, maybe there is something going on here,” Sam sighed.

“Maybe?” you snickered.

“Sam, I know how to do my job, despite what you might think,” Dean deadpanned.

“Did you check out the dude’s apartment?” you asked Dean.

“Pile of dead plants, just like the cemetery. Hell, dead goldfish too.”

“Great, more unholy ground,” you noted.

“Maybe. I'm still not getting that powerful angry spirit vibe from Angela.” He leaned against the dresser and held up the pink book he had in his hand. “I have been reading this, though.”

You scoffed, smiling a little. “You stole the chick’s journal?”

“Yeah. And if anything, the girl's a little too nice.” 

Sam asked, “So what do you want to do?”

“Keep digging; talk to more of her friends.”

“You get any names?” the brunet asked.

Dean smirked. “Are you kidding me? I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.” He wiggled the diary around. 

“Okay, well, who’d you find?” you questioned.

Dean leafed through the book. “This guy Neil shows up a lot. I think he’d be a good place to start.”

“Okay. Give me, like, ten minutes,” you replied. “I just woke up when you called me.”

Dean followed you out of his and his brother’s room and back to yours.

“What’s up?” you asked, noticing he was behind you. 

“Nothin’. Just wanted to hang out with you.”

You scoffed as you closed the door behind him. “I have to change, though.”

He smirked. “Don’t stop on my account.”

“Perv.” You took your clothes and headed toward the bathroom.

“Whoa, where ya goin’?” he asked.

You turned back to him. “Dean, I just feel weird moving so fast after everything with your dad. You’re tired. I can see it. Of course, I want to be more than just friends, but I don’t think the timing is right.”

He scoffed and looked at the floor. "Don't do the same thing Sam's doing."

Your formerly understanding tone hardened. I'm not. Don't do that to me. I am the furthest thing from patronizing you right now. And it's not all about you, dude. This isn't exactly ideal conditions for a relationship. And if you're gonna get mean every time we disagree, then this is not for me."

Dean's jaw tightened, and he went to say something. However, he seemed to realize that was a bad idea. Eventually, he admitted, “I know you’re right.”

You walked back over to him and pulled his face up to look at you. “Hey, I don’t mean ‘never.’ Just… not right now. You’re still my best friend, though. That will never change.”

He relaxed into your hand and closed his eyes, sadly saying, “Yeah. You, too.”

***

You felt slightly awkward around Dean after your conversation with him. You wanted him badly, and it killed every part of you to not let yourself be close to him. However, you knew he needed time and space to recover from his father’s death.

You knew he was going to continue to struggle with that for the rest of his life just as you did with the deaths of your parents, but you also knew he would eventually find a way to cope. You just didn’t want to be more of a distraction to his healing process than hunting already was.

You could tell he was burying so much just below the surface, and it threatened to boil over at any moment. You wanted so badly to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, but you knew that would be an awful idea at that particular moment. 

You continued with the hunt as usual, though, and went to visit Angela’s best friend, Neil. He seemed a little awkward upon meeting him, but not just in the “I have trouble socializing” way. He was awkward in a way that unsettled you. What unsettled you even more was the dead plant on the table just behind him in the doorway of his home. Something interesting you’d learned from him, too, was that Angela’s boyfriend cheated on her just before her accident. 

You and the brothers walked away from Neil’s house, tossing around potential theories.

Dean began, “Well, that vengeful spirit theory's starting to make a little more sense. I mean, hell hath no fury…”

“So, if Angela got her revenge on Matt, you think it’s over?” you asked him.

“Well, there's one way to be sure.”

You got in the car and noticed Sam was looking at his brother stunned. “Burn the bones? Are you high? Angela died last week!”

“So?” Dean argued.

“So, there's not gonna be bones. There's gonna be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin.” Sam’s nose twisted in disgust.

Dean smirked. “Since when are you afraid to get dirty? Huh?”

***

When you did exhume the coffin, you and the boys were shocked to find the coffin completely empty with strange Greek lettering etched on the inside of the coffin’s lid.

Dean insisted on going to Dr. Mason’s home to confront him then and there. He figured that he would be the only person with access to an ancient Greek ritual like the one you’d found etched in Angela’s coffin. Despite yours and Sam's protesting, Dean's unbelievable stubbornness prevailed.

The older Winchester pounded on the door, incredibly agitated.

“Dean, relax,” you stated firmly. 

He didn’t look at you or give a response.

Dr. Mason opened the door and forced a smile. “You're Angie's friends, right?”

Sam began to gently say, “Dr. Mason—” when his brother cut him off harshly.

“We need to talk.”

Dr. Mason seemed surprised. You glared at Dean, hoping he would be able to feel your aggravated warning. 

You could tell the poor man was a little startled, but he still invited you inside. Dean stepped over the threshold and immediately began unfolding a paper he’d copied the Greek characters from Angela’s coffin onto. “You teach Ancient Greek. Tell me—” Dean held out the paper, “what are these?”

“I don't understand. Does this have something to do with Angela?”

“It does. Please, just humor me.”

The old man was confused. “They're part of an ancient Greek divination ritual.”

Dean’s tone never softened. “Used for necromancy, right? See, before we came over here we stopped by the library and did a little homework ourselves. Apparently they used rituals like this one for communicating with the dead. Even bringing corpses back to life. Full-on zombie action.”

Dr. Mason chuckled uncomfortably. “Yes. I mean, according to the legends. Now, what's all this about?”

He didn’t seem guilty to you, but Dean kept pushing. “I think you know.”

“Dean—” you and Sam tried, but Dean continued on.

“Look, I get it. Okay?” he spat. “There are people that I would give anything to see again. But what gives you the right?”

“Dean!” Sam scolded.

“What are you talking about?” the man stuttered out, looking between you and the brothers.

“What's dead should stay dead!” Dean growled.

“What?!”

Sam jumped in front of Dean. “Stop it!”

“What you brought back isn't even your daughter anymore. These things are vicious, they're violent, they're so nasty they rot the ground around them. I mean, come on, haven't you seen Pet Sematary?” the older brother snarled.

“You’re insane,” Dr. Mason muttered.

“Where is she?!”

Dr. Mason rushed over to his phone. “Get out of my house.”

Dean continued his pursuit. “I know you're hiding her somewhere. Where is she?!” 

You rushed in front of Dean and grabbed his jacket. “Dean! Stop it, that’s enough! Look!” You jerked him around to face the window sill with a row of plants sitting on it.

Sam turned to Dr. Mason. “We’re leaving.”

The shell-shocked professor still held the phone to his ear. “I'm calling the police.”

Dean pulled away from you and stormed toward the door.

“Sir, we're sorry. We won't bother you again,” Sam said.

You followed Dean, footsteps heavy with anger. “What the hell is wrong with you, Dean?”

“Back off,” he told you.

“Dean, he didn’t do anything! He didn’t deserve that!” you protested.

Dean huffed. “Okay, so she's not here, maybe he's keeping her somewhere else.”

“Stop it! That's enough, okay? Enough!” Sam piled on.

“Sam, I know what I'm doing,” the older brother grumbled.

“No, you don't," you responded for Sam. "At all. Dean, I don't scare easy, but man, you're scaring the crap out of me.”

The man rolled his eyes. “Don't be overdramatic, (Y/N).”

“You're lucky this turned out to be a real case. Because if it wasn't you would have just found something else to kill. You’re on edge, you’re erratic, except for when you’re hunting, ‘cause that's when you’re downright scary,” Sam stated firmly. 

“You’re tailspinning. You refuse to talk to even me about it, and you barely let me help you; let alone Sam,” you jumped back in.

“I can take care of myself, thanks,” Dean chided.

“No, you can’t,” you challenged. “And you’re the only one who thinks you should have to. You can’t handle this alone; nobody can. I couldn’t!”

Dean went to cut you off, saying, “(Y/N), if you bring my dad into this, I swear—”

“Dean, no. You’re scaring me." Your voice was still firm but had an empathetic undertone. "You’re killing yourself. I mean, I had to set boundaries with you earlier because I don’t want you to use me as a distraction. Whether you are intentionally or not, that would be what you’re doing.”

“(Y/N)—” he tried.

“No! Stop it. Quit burying your head in other shit to distract you. I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my family. I’ve lost friends. And as much as it kills me, I’m driving a wedge between us because I don’t want to lose you. Please, Dean. Don’t make me lose you.”

Dean paused before murmuring, “We better get out of here before the cops come.”

You frowned at him.

“I hear you. Okay? I know, I'm being an ass. And I'm sorry,” he said earnestly. “But right now, we've got a fuckin’ zombie running around, and we need to figure out how to kill it.”

Sam laughed. “Our lives are weird, man.”

Dean’s tone lightened slightly. “You're telling me? Come on.”

***

Later that evening, Dean paced around his motel room while you and Sam sat at the table looking through John’s journal.

“We can't just waste it with a head shot?” Dean questioned.

“Dude. You've been watching way too many Romero flicks,” Sam quipped.

The older Winchester quirked a brow. “You're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke 'em.”

“No, he’s saying there’s too much,” you chimed in. “Every fuckin’ zombie legend has a different way to kill it.”

“Some say setting them on fire, uh, one said, where is it?” Sam paused, looking for the right page. “Right here. Feeding their hearts to wild dogs. That's my personal favorite. I mean, who knows what's real and what's myth?”

“Is there anything they all have in common?” Dean asked.

“No. But a few said silver might work,” you replied.

“Silver's a start,” he nodded.

“Yeah. But now, how are we going to find Angela?” Sam added.

“We've got to figure out the person who brought her back.”

“Any ideas?” you questioned. 

Dean considered for a moment. “I think if it's not her dad, it might be that guy Neil.”

“I agree. He had a dead plant on the table behind him in the doorway,” you chimed in.

Dean looked at you. “And you didn’t think to mention that till now?”

“Well, sorry, I’ve had more important stuff on my mind,” you replied sarcastically.

“And get this,” Dean said, picking up Angela’s pink journal. “ ‘Neil's a real shoulder to cry on, he so understands what I'm going through with Matt.’ There's more in here where that came from. It's got unrequited Duckie love written all over it.”

You giggled. “You’ve seen Pretty in Pink?”

Dean looked at you, opening and then shutting his mouth, unsure of how to respond. He went back to Neil. “Did I mention he's Professor Mason's TA? Has access to all the same books.”

You looked at Sam, who seemed pensive.

***

Your next stop was the home of Neil. The house was dark and there were no cars in the driveway. Dean picked the lock on the door, and called up the stairs, “Hello? Neil? It's your grief counselors. We've come to hug.”

You burst out laughing at Dean’s remark, and he looked down at you, smirking. He pulled out his gun and cocked it.

“Silver bullets?” you asked.

“Yeah, enough to make her rattle like a change purse.”

You started walking through the house and led the brothers over to what seemed to lead down to the basement, noticing wilted plants all along the walls. 

Dean nodded at the door to the basement. “Unless it's where he keeps his porn…”

You gave him a look and pushed the door open. “Ladies first.”

He glared at you playfully, but went down the stairs first nonetheless.

“Sure looks like a zombie pen to me,” Dean said upon seeing the dank, dark room with a thin mattress on the floor in the corner.

“Yeah. An empty one. You think Angela's going after somebody?” Sam questioned.

You walked over to a loose grate on the wall and pulled it aside. “Nah, she’s probably goin’ after Dean looking for her diary.”

“Look, smartass, she might kill someone. We gotta find her, (Y/N),” Sam remarked.

“Yeah. Alright. She, uh, she clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?” Dean jumped in. “Well, it takes two to, y’know, have hardcore sex.”

You giggled, but felt your cheeks heat up and opted for looking at the floor. 

“I don't know, it just seemed that, uh, Angela's roommate was broken up over Matt's death. I mean, like, really broken up,” Dean continued.

You sucked in air through your teeth. “Yikes.”

***

When you entered Angela’s former home, you and the brothers heard two women struggling and screaming at each other. You jumped out from behind the wall leading to the kitchen and shot at Angela, landing them squarely in the middle of her back.

Angela’s corpse convulsed and turned to face you angrily. You shot at her again, and she stuttered before running out through the kitchen window. You immediately followed her, sprinting after her for quite a while before fatigue began to catch up to you.

Her white dress became smaller and smaller before you turned to run back to the house. You met Sam and Dean back at the house’s exterior. “Fuck, that dead bitch can run.”

Dean chuckled at you. “What now, Quicksilver?”

You deadpanned at him. “Let’s go talk to Neil. After I catch my fucking breath.” ***

The best possible solution you and the brothers could come up with for killing Angela was nailing her back into her coffin. However, that required you being able to get Angela back to the cemetery. Dean said he had a plan, but you were a little skeptical. 

Neil sat in his office in the dark, seeming nervous. “What are you guys doing here?”

“You know, I've heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you; you take the cake,” Dean scowled.

“Okay. Who are you guys?” Neil asked.

“You might want to ask Angela that question,” Dean replied.

You could tell he knew what Dean was talking about but was trying very hard not to let that on. “What?”

“We know what you did,” you said. “The ritual? Ringing any bells?”

Neil scoffed. “You're crazy.”

“Your girlfriend's past her expiration date, and we're crazy? When someone's gone, they should stay gone. You don't mess with that kind of stuff,” Dean responded.

“Angela killed Matt. She tried to kill Lindsey,” Sam added.

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

Dean stomped over to the other side of the desk and hauled Neil up by his collar. You mentally scolded yourself for finding that attractive. “Hey! No more crap, Neil. His blood is on your hands. Now. Me and him can make this right, but you've gotta tell us where she is. Tell us!” Dean demanded.

“My house,” he rushed out. “She’s at my house.”

As Dean let him go, you followed his line of sight to dead plants beside Neil on the windowsill. “You sure about that?”

Neil nodded and looked around nervously. You nodded your head toward the closet. Dean seemed to catch on to what you were saying and subtly gave you a look. He then raised his voice slightly. “Listen. It doesn't really matter where she is. There's only one way to stop her. We've got to perform another ritual over her grave, to reverse the one that you did. We're going to need some black root, some, some scar weed, some candles... It's very complicated, but it'll get the job done. She'll be dead again in a couple hours. I think you should come with us.” Dean stared him down. “I'm serious, Neil. Leave with us. Right now.”

Neil shook his head. “No, no!”

Dean leaned into Neil and quieted down again. “Listen to me. Get out of here as soon as you can. But most of all, be cool. No sudden movements. Don't make her mad.” He nodded to you and Sam. “Let’s go.”

***

You and the brothers set up candles around Angela’s open grave, and Sam asked, “You really think this is going to work?”

Dean huffed. “No, not really. But it was the only thing I could come up with.”

You heard a noise behind you and looked to Sam, who stood and pulled his gun toward the sound. He walked hesitantly toward the sound, and you followed his retreating form till you couldn’t see him anymore.

The next time something emerged from the trees, it was Angela’s pale body, which you shot at. She stumbled back all the way to her open grave, and the last shot sent her falling back into it. Dean ran toward the grave with the metal stake he was holding and slid the last few feet on his knees. He dove into the coffin, and you kept him from completely falling in by holding his jacket. 

“Wait, no!” Angela cried as Dean plunged the metal stake through her chest and pinned her into her coffin.

You pulled Dean back up, and he looked down into the grave. “What's dead should stay dead,” he said.

You looked at him sadly, knowing what he meant by that. “Dean—”

He shook his head. “Don’t.”

You sighed and set to work reburying Angela. The whole time you buried her, you were consumed by your own thoughts surrounding what you knew Dean meant when he stabbed Angela. Sam and Dean went back and forth as they usually did about the last battles of their hunts. The brothers then wiped the dirt off their hands and moved to the car. You stood up, too, and followed them. 

Dean sighed suddenly and paused. “Sam, wait in the car, will you?” he asked, throwing the keys to his brother.

Sam seemed confused but obliged anyway and walked away from you. Once Sam was out of eyesight, Dean turned back to you. 

“What’s goin’ on?” you asked.

He looked down at his shoes, unable to meet your gaze. “I'm sorry.”

You shook your head, surprised. “Uh, for what?”

“The way I've been acting,” he continued. “It’s just… it's my fault that he's gone.”

“What are you talking about?”

Dean’s head hung low as he spoke. “I know Sam’s been thinking it; so have I. And maybe you, too. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, my dad's dead, and the Colt's gone.”

You stepped toward him. “Dean—”

He looked up at you, tears in his eyes that he was trying desperately to keep at bay. “You can't tell me there's not a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved. I don't know how the whole thing went down, exactly. But Dad's dead because of me. And that much I do know.”

“We don’t know that. Not for sure,” you protested, although you were pretty sure. You just didn’t want to affirm that for Dean and send him even further into a tailspin.

“(Y/N)—” his voice broke as he began to cry. “You, Sam, Dad... you're the most important people in my life. And now— I never should've come back, (Y/N/N). It wasn't natural. And now look what's come of it. I was dead. And I should have stayed dead.” He sniffed and tried to gain his composure. “You wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that's it.”

You nodded, unsure of what to say. You looked up at his glassy eyes, your heart breaking.

“So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that all right?”

You bit the inside of your cheek thoughtfully and did the only thing you could think to do at the time. You wrapped your arms around his torso and pulled his head down to your shoulder. He tensed at first but eventually relaxed into you. Quiet, choked breaths wracked him, and tears began to soak your shirt. You stroked the hair at the nape of his neck and stood with him for a long while.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[spencerismmm]

I’m obsessed with the idea of a best friends to lovers type situation with mutual pining btwn the reader and early seasons Spence (I’m thinking like season 2 or 3). In terms of plot, I’m thinking a sleepover setting bc why not. If that’s not detailed enough I’m sorry lol

love this idea! thank you so so much!!

Summary: Spencer and reader are bestfriends and reader invites the team over for a sleepover, Spencer is nervous around reader but she tries to help calm his nerves (idk if this is good because it's my first time writing in a while, tips criticism is always welcome.)

Couple: Spencer/fem!reader

Category: fluff

Content warning: tiny mention of r@pe and kidnapping

Things were a bit tense at the BAU because of a very sad k!dnapping and r@pe case, and to lighten the mood, you thought to invite the team over for a sleepover. You were cleaning your house up for the sleepover, getting food and sleeping situations ready as the doorbell rang. You were confused as to why somebody had already arrived, considering there was still a while before the sleepover was intended to start. You went to the door, and realized it was Spencer. It wasn't unusual for Spencer to come to your house, as he would sometimes come visit as an escape, or just to talk.

"Spencer! Why are you here so early? There's still like an hour until everyone is supposed to get here." you questioned, still opening the door for him to come in. You liked when he came over, he always knew how to comfort you. "Oh, I just wanted to come help you get everything ready, and I had nothing else to do." Spencer said as he walked in, putting his things on the counter. "Oh, okay! Could you just help me set some of the food out?" you asked, not minding a little help. Spencer didn't even reply, he just started helping. You didnt mind when he didn't talk, it was just comforting knowing he was there. You knew in the back of your mind that you had a little crush on Spencer, but figured that he wouldn't like you back, though the whole team wanted the two of you together.

After a while of setting things up, the team started to arrive. first Garcia, then Morgan, then JJ, then Prentiss. That was everybody who was coming, Hotch wanted to spend time with his family, and Gideon was, wherever Gideon goes in his free time. Everybody was gathered on the couch for a movie, Garcia in between JJ and Morgan, then Spencer in between you and Prentiss. It was a pretty tight squeeze on the couch, but everyone made it work. You turned on the movie, a scary movie. Spencer wasn't really paying attention to the movie, as he was too caught up in his brain, thinking about you. Everybody on the team knows he has a little crush on you, except you. He was far too shy to ever admit that he liked you, but it was there. Right now, all he could think about was the proximity between the two of you, the way your legs layed against his, and the way he wished that you knew how he felt. During the movie, you would grab onto Spencer's arm every now and then, or lie your head on his shoulder, which drove him insane.

The movie had ended and everybody was sleeping, you were laying your whole body on Spencer, fighting the sleepiness away. "You really need some sleep, Y/n" Spencer said, awkwardly sitting there. "I am having fun, I don't want to sleep." you protested, sitting up, you then realized that everybody was asleep, groaning, you laid back down on Spencer. "Fine." you said, crossing your arms. "Y/n.. where.. where do i sleep?" Spencer asked, nervously running his hands through his hair. "Stay here. Stay with me." you say, leaning more into him, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around you. Spencer was glad the lights were off so you couldn't see his blush ridden face. He let his body ease up, leaning into you, but not fully. "It's okay, Spencer, just calm down. It's just me." you said, closing your eyes. Just you? Just the girl he had been lovestruck over for months, he thought. "Y/n.. i really like you." he says, shocked at his own words. Your eyes widen and you plaster a smile across your face "I really like you too, Spencer." You say, planting a kiss on the side of his jaw. "Goodnight, Spencer." you say, leaning your head into the crook of his neck, allowing yourself to relax. Spencer was shocked, but still allowed himself to relax and hold you as he fell asleep. As he thought you were sleeping, he whispered, "please don't leave me, y/n." as he moved your hair out of your face to look at you, he saw a smile, he knew you heard him, but he didnt care. Spencer Reid was in love with you.

I really hate this, it's so long. It was very rushed. Tips and criticism is much appreciated! I'm super sorry if this isn't what you wanted, but i tried😭💘.

[coloursflyaway]

I don't remember how (because I couldn't find an ask, so if I just misplaced that, I'm sorry), but some time ago @itsablueberrycow sent this little prompt and I had a bit of time so I thought I'd give it a shot!

Edwin and cat king have been spending a lot of time together which really pisses off Charles because that’s supposed to be his best friend (totally not bc he’s jealous and in love with him) and eventually after having to hear all about what Edwin and Cat king have been doing together Charles just looses it and is all, what does he have that I don’t, and ends up kissing him or confessing feelings or something because he’s so jealous he just can’t take it anymore.

Read on AO3

___

“I don’t think you should spend so much time with that guy”, Charles tells Edwin as he saunters back into the agency, looking… well, looking like he always looks, but that doesn’t matter, because Charles’ teeth are already on edge. Because Edwin has been spending time with the fucking Cat King again.

By now, Charles has met the man three times, and every single time, he likes him less.

“Don’t be like that, Charles”, Edwin all but admonishes him, and oh, he hates that, too. He’s going to be like this whenever he feels like it, actually. “He’s quite an agreeable chap once you have gotten to know him, even if some of his attempts at humour might be rather crude. If you gave him a chance, I think you might end up rather fond of him.”

“Well, I don’t want to get to know him”, Charles shoots back and means it; he doesn’t need to know anything more about this git, with his stupid luscious hair and his outrageous clothes and mysterious best-friend-stealing-powers. Charles knows just enough. Too much, even. “I just want you to know less about him, too.”

The words feel wrong as they stumble off his lips, like they reveal too much, even if Charles isn’t sure what there is to reveal: it’s quite clear, isn’t it? Edwin has been spending a frankly outrageous amount of time away from the agency, and through that, away from Charles, and Charles doesn’t like it. At all.

And yet, it stops Edwin dead in his tracks too, one arm raised to slide the bow tie from his neck, and have his fingers always been this long, this elegant? All of a sudden, Charles isn’t sure anymore.

“Charles”, Edwin starts, and he isn’t admonishing anymore, instead he sounds like he isn’t sure of what he is saying, which is a first. He comes closer to where Charles is sitting, step by cautious step, and something about Edwin’s stance, his expression makes Charles get up, like this is something he should be at Edwin’s level for. “Are you… jealous?”

It’s.

Well.

It’s a thought.

Charles turns it around in his mind, looks at its edges and its curves, its imperfections and its flaws, and doesn’t find a lot of them. It feels unfamiliar, sure, but it doesn’t feel wrong.

Curious. Definitely worth being investigated.

Edwin is standing so close that Charles could reach out and touch him, and Charles cocks his head, imagines doing so. Imagines his hands in Edwin’s, their spectral breath mingling, their lips touching, and yes, Charles misses kissing, but does he miss kissing Edwin?

He hasn’t had time to think about it too much yet, with moving back to London and new cases and Edwin spending far too much time with that menace of a Cat King.

But looking at Edwin’s lips and thinking of him on the steps to Hell, looking up at Charles so earnestly, with so much unnecessary anguish, he thinks, yes.

Even if he has never done it before, or maybe because of it, he might miss kissing Edwin quite a lot.

“What if I am?”, Charles asks, and it sounds like a challenge; maybe it is supposed to be one.

Edwin sucks in a breath, and for a moment, his eyes drop to Charles’s lips and that sends a jolt through him that feels like electricity, feels like heat, feels like the affection he has always had for Edwin, just a little more of it.

“In that case”, Edwin says, and he sounds like he is still reaching for the words, like they are hard to grasp or maybe just hard to keep, or say out loud. “Why don’t you do something about it?”

It’s the most un-Edwin thing to say, and Charles almost feels himself gasping at it; the heat is back, and so is the electricity, so is, most of all, the bone-crushing love he has for this impossible boy with his perfect hair and his pink lips and the mind and the wit and the compassion that Charles has loved ever since he met Edwin, cold and scared and dying.

“You want me to?”, Charles asks, and the bravado drops from Edwin’s shoulder like a blanket he doesn’t need any longer, because he is warm already, like a coat he has outgrown. It makes it better, because this is the Edwin he knows, and in the end, that’s the Edwin he wants to kiss the most.

“If you are sure about it”, Edwin replies, and there is a question in his voice he doesn’t speak out-loud; Charles hears it anyway. I want this, if you want it too. If you will want it tomorrow and in a decade and in a century, then I want it more than life itself.

“Yeah”, Charles says, and in that moment knows he is, knows that he will be sure about it tomorrow and in a decade and in a century. “I am.”

And then, he does something about it, even before Edwin can say another word, have another thought; he leans in and kisses Edwin, kisses the sigh and the speech and the doubt right off Edwin’s lips, and kisses on them the electricity and the warmth and the affection instead.

And finds out he was right; he’s missed this, has missed this even before he knew what missing it would feel like.

[welcometogrouchland]

Batman #149 by chip zdarsky is mostly unremarkable, but I'm really fascinated by how it makes a great case for 'good' endings not saving 'bad' stories*. Because there's a lot of interesting concepts in this issue (bruce having to deal with his rapidly aging and decaying clone making him think about his own life, re-establishing a 'nest' so to speak for his family after pushing them away, etc) but bc of the OOC slog that came before it, almost every moment w/ the batfamily comes off as unearned and disingenuous imo.

Like, everything with Damian is the perfect example in this. Because in isolation it's...fine. admittedly it's a missed opportunity to not go deeper into how Damian would feel about a clone of his dad who tried to kill considering Damian's relationships with clones of himself (the heretic rejects and respawn) or with former enemies who wanted him dead but who were manipulated and/or brainwashed (like suren and maya).

Zdarsky doesn't go into any of this but you could maybe excuse it as the issue not being about Damian. However, coupled with the previous bizarre characterizations of Damian in 147 and 148, it ends up not being fine- instead it starts to feel...icky how Damian (who, despite often being drawn and written as white, will never have his connection to the non-white al ghuls forgotten and will always be effected by racism even when not portrayed as a poc) is constantly written as overly violent, uncaring and narrow minded in this run. Coupled w/ trying to recanonize the morrison origin for Damian it's like. OH this is badly written and laden with subtle bigotry, sick**

That's me going into detail on it with Damian but it's applicable to other things in this issue- the way Cass, Steph and Duke have all been ignored or turned into jobbers makes their inclusion in the 'family' here feel hollow instead of satisfying. Bruce proclaiming that Zur was still a part of him and he needs to accept responsibility for his actions (when it means taking in clone son) wrings hollow when just last issue zdarsky was bending over backwards to separate Bruce and Zur bc otherwise the Jason thing would get really awkward. Ends are achieved through means that feel hollow or strange. I'm at my destination but damn why'd the bus have to do all that???

I only really have opinions on this latest arc of zdarskys Batman bc it's the one I've read the closest (bc I'm a hater, masochist and avid follower of even the bad damian storylines) but it's not saying great things.

Bc zdarsky can do one thing good in this book, and it's write Bruce and Tim. And yet this entire story, whether of his own volition or editorial mandate, includes other characters who aren't Bruce and Tim, the fabric starts to unravel in very telling ways.

(p.s, I think pennyworth manor is an interesting idea but I feel like in execution it's just gonna be 'bruce living in a house haunted by the memory of the people he couldn't save' but with a different dead guy this time. Illusion of change and whatnot)

*whether or not the ending is good is up to you ofc, as is your opinion on the proceeding arc! I saw some ppl complain that the ending was too "WFA" for them, which I get even if I dont think it'll literally be the same premise. If anything it's probably a lead into the new tec run. Likewise many ppl who aren't in the weeds of Damian and Jason characterization liked the previous arc! But I have my opinions and rest my case before the bench

**disclaimer, I'm white and portrayals of bigotry in comics are complicated and subjective, but I am basing my point here off what other poc comic fans on socmed have been saying about 149. Also the "sick" is sarcasm incase that wasn't obvious

[themoldysausage]

Since I don't have much worthwhile to say about the recent episode (it was good, I liked it) I'm instead going to rant about something I've been holding off on. I really don't like Fifteen's Sonic Screwdriver.

I mean the thing looks more like a tv remote than a Screwdriver. Now I admit, Ncuti Gatwa is absolutely able to make the little thing work, but it just doesn't feel right, it feels like a different tool, not the doctor's trusty right-hand that we're so used to.

Now obviously this screwdriver is way more realistic for the amount of functions the device has, but we were able to pretend Eleven was actually reading data when he was using his screwdriver

The screwdriver is supposed to be the doctor's magic wand. In the words of William Hartnell, "He's not a scientist, he's a magician". It should look more wandlike, no? Take the second doctor's screwdriver. They literally used a pen for the prop because that was what it was supposed to look like.

It's meant to be a high tech screwdriver. Now obviously The Doctor has added more features than just "Screwdriver", but at the end of the day that's what the design is meant to invoke, a high tech screwdriver. And aside from a few sunglasses shaped deviations which were mostly played for laughs, that's how it's always looked

Even when The Doctor stopped using the Sonic Screwdriver in favor of his Sonic lance, it still *Looked* like a screwdriver, albeit a flathead

I just feel what we have now is a very significant deviation from what a Sonic Screwdriver should look like, it makes me think of a computer mouse or as I said, a tv remote. Which granted, that's kinda more accurate to what the screwdriver is these days, but if that's the case maybe we stop calling it a screwdriver?

Even so, it doesn't feel very doctor-like. As earlier stated, the screwdriver is meant to be The Doctor's "magic wand", and is very crucial to his signature look. Seeing him holding a computer mouse just doesn't hold the same oof as the older screwdrivers

[foone]

I think my brain has decided to dump mind control/hypnosis into the same bucket as fursonas and TF.

Specifically the one where it's like "this would be extremely interesting if you could do it, but you can't, so why bother with something that's only fantasy?"

Which is strange that it happens here. Like, there are definitely interests/kinks that are completely fantasy but I'm still into them, still enjoy reading about and seeing art of them. (I'm not gonna specify which ones because this is not a TMI Tuesday post)

But for some things my brain decides that I'm provisionally into it but only if it can be done for real. Like... Imagine someone who is into bondage but has zero interest in bondage porn/erotica, only in doing it for real... And then imagine they're someone who can't do any bondage for partner/disability reasons. That's where my brain is at.

I'm not sure if it's that I'm not interested enough in these things, or I'm too interested.

Like the former makes sense: if I was majorly into TF, I'd be into it even though it's impossible. The fantasy would be so erotic/interesting that I'd be all over it, even knowing I'm very unlikely to ever get slowly turned into a deergirl with antlers.

But the latter might be closer: I'm too into these things. My brain is like "omg this is the best idea ever! We need to do it now!!!" and then the disappointment at realizing it's impossible just sours me on the whole damn subject.

Like I can't get the motivation to design a fursona because it keeps reminding me that I can never be the cute cow. I don't want to have a fursona that's just a thing in pictures and stories, I want to have hooves and big horizontal ears and NOT BE A FUCKING HUMAN.

It's annoying because I think in all these cases it's something I could legitimately be interested in and get a lot of enjoyment out of! Like, furries are awesome! (and I am one, even without a fursona). They have lots of fun with their fursonas. I could commission art of my fursona using old computers! I could design keyboards for use with my hooves! It could be tons of fun.

And TF? Don't get me started. I am constantly saying I need to be less human. I theoretically love the idea of turning into something else. But nope. I can't enjoy it, maybe because I'm going "why isn't that me?"

And I've read some mind-control/hypnosis stuff recently and I'm having the exact same reaction. There some parts where I'm like "this has a lot of interesting ideas! Why can't I do this?" oh yeah because it doesn't exist. Damn it.

And that "damn it" emotion is when I close the story. So I can't really enjoy the parts of it I like, I'm too dissuaded by the disappointment.

I dunno if this is an autism thing. I've known some other people on the spectrum have similar issues with just deciding subjects are zero interest to them, after only a quick glance. I don't know if that's the same or a similar thing than I'm talking about.

(also, hypnotists? Don't come saying "but hypnosis is real!" to me. I know, but it's not real in the ways I'm interested in)

[brainoutofstock]

[Previously on...]

One day, about a month after you moved into your new apartment, you felt brave enough to get to the bottom of the situation between you and Simon. You had to find out what was happening as this uncertainty drove you crazy. He bought you things, he spent time with you, he seemed to care about you, yet when you tried to flirt with him, it suddenly felt like you were dealing with a brick wall. No emotions, no softness. It all disappeared at once.

An hour into the movie you decided to watch, you saw him move out of the corner of your eye. His arms were stretched above his head as he tried to fight back a yawn, then you felt an arm rest on the back of the couch behind you. You rested your head on his arm as you watched him with a small smile, wondering what was going on in his head.

“You’re staring,” he suddenly noted, his amber eyes never leaving the TV screen. He wasn’t mad, if anything, he sounded amused. You refused to answer as you were hoping he would be the one doing the talking this time. After some painfully quiet minutes, he picked up the remote and stopped the movie. “What is it?”

The brave girl you’d been just two hours ago was now gone, and you had absolutely no idea what to say. How do you bring this up? How do you bring up the topic of the possibility of him paying for your company with gifts? That you might have become a sugar baby for him along the way?

Suddenly you felt his thumb draw circles into your shoulder, his touch being so gentle that you barely noticed. “It’s just… You know… I’ve been wondering about something lately and I really need to hear your explanation,” you said quietly.

This made him raise an eyebrow in question, seemingly eager to hear what it was all about. And sure enough, he pulled up his knee so he could turn to face you. “Sounds serious.”

“The gifts. Why are you buying me gifts?”

Simon let out a laugh at this. “Why not? I can afford to buy you stuff,” he replied casually.

You bit on your lower lip as you nodded. “Do you consider me a sugar baby? Do you really think you have to buy me things in return for my company?”

Your voice was just as hesitant as you were. And due to the way his eyes were watching you with that hint of playfullness as if he was enjoying the way you were struggling, you felt some tears forming in your eyes. Your whole body was trembling from the tremendous effort not to start crying. Because you wanted to stay strong, you wanted to make him see you were mature enough to handle difficult conversations.

He slowly reached out to wipe your tears away from your cheek, then let his hand rest there while his thumb drew circles into your skin. “Sweetheart, I had you the moment I walked away the first time we met in that pub,” he said eventually, his voice rough but still sounding surprisingly soft. “I know I don't have to buy you things, you're not that kind of girl.”

“Then why?”

“Because I want to spoil you. That's all.

A small smile crept on your lips before you nodded and leaned closer to him, your fingers already moving to cover his large, calloused hand on your cheek. “There's no need, Simon,” you told him, to which he only responded with a shrug. “I'm serious.”

“And I'm serious when I say I want to do it. Let me do it,” he whispered in his raspy voice when your lips were only inches apart. You weakly nodded, deciding that giving in would be the best you could do in this case, and he flashed a satisfied smile at you. “Good girl. C’mere,” he said when he put a finger under your chin to guide you closer.

Your heart rate jumped when you felt his chapped lips touch your soft ones, smearing your lipstick as the kiss became more intense. Eventually you moved over to sit on his lap, looking for any kind of friction that would make you feel good. And feeling the stiffness of his cock in the confines of his jeans sure did the job.

But just when you felt that heat in your core rise, Simon let out a laugh and raised you up so he could put you on the couch next to him. It didn't even require any effort from him, he just raised you up as if you were nothing more than the bottle of beer he had drunk until now. You gulped at the wave of thoughts that invaded your mind, all those unholy images of how he could use his strength to manhandle you in bed.

“Tsk-tsk-tsk. When did I give you permission to do this, huh? Naughty girl. Now I have to punish you,” he said tauntingly. You whined when he reached down to palm himself, seemingly finding your pathetic reaction adorable. “Saturday. I promise you'll get what you want Saturday, okay?”

“That's more than a week away,” you complained, your voice unusually thin.

Simon swept a strand of hair behind your ear as he smiled at you. “I'm going to visit a friend in Scotland tomorrow and I'll stay for a week. But once I'm back, I'm all yours. We won't leave the bedroom that weekend.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe every word he said because he had always been there for you in the past months. So you nodded and crawled closer to him, snuggling up to him like a little kid. He put his arm around your body and placed a soft kiss on your head.

Just one week. You could sure survive that.