#i feel left out and excluded

[castshed]

I dunno if it's just the mental state talking or if maybe there's some truth behind what i've been thinking about since I got off work this morning....

But it truly feels like my time on this site might be more limited than I'd like it to be. Sure, there are some people that still seem like at least somewhat interested to entertain the thought or action of writing with me, but... the majority seeningly don't. Maybe it's my rules? Am I not lenient enough? Am I too weird 'cause of a simple lousy (kind of) fetish I have for taller women? I honestly don't get it.

I've been on this site consecutively for.... I have no idea how many years now. And sure, I've taken my breaks, some rather abruptly and unannounced, but they count... This feels different.

I usually have cycles where I want to do nothing but watch YouTube videos or tons of movies or start series' i've never gotten a chance to get to, or do nothing but play video games. But in the end I would always come back to writing.

Recently, I haven't wanted to do the latter. It just seems so... grueling, like a 9-5 job you don't wanna do but need to because it appeases some sort of agenda or just 'cause you have to pay bills on time and eat.

And trust me, I'm one of those people that doesn't see this site as a job, nor do I feel like writing is a chore. USUALLY.

But the lack of people's interest in things (idk if it's my muses-- me as a person) or the lack of reciprocation to things that take all but a few seconds to lift someone's spirits... has just really turned me off. (Not to mention broken notifications, the new dashboard - y'know all of Staff's TERRIBLE choices)

People also have jobs, I get it. Or school... kids, a life. This is truly something you do in your down time because you enjoy it and may have found the time to actually sit down and relax for once without the overbearing weight of other responsibilities holding you down - I just.. I honestly don't know anymore.

Now normally I wouldn't try and sound so much like a beggar or some kind of attention-seeking child, but is it so hard to send positivity in return sometimes? - Like I get that I may not be active 90% of the time lately, but at least I make the time and put in the effort to show that I care and still enjoy seeing actual people on my dash. - I always send it in and hardly get it back. And sure, maybe within the answer to my initial interaction there's something said. But that's more of a response than an actual attempted effort. At least, to me it is.

I also understand that I haven't been the best at replying to sent in memes, or asks in general, but that's because my muse has been at an all-time-low for ALL of my muses, save for like... ONE of my OCs (Sophie; though even now, I'll admit, she's kinda gone too.), and I get sick of staring at them, irritated that I can't muster up a SINGLE word to reply to any of them with... so eventually I delete them and hope to TRY from an empty slate.

I guess I just miss having that person or small group of people that I could count on all the time for things, regardless of our moods, what time of day it was, what we were doing -- etc. I've only ever been affiliated once, and... it probably wasn't the best choice. But the intentions at the time were nothing but good, and it wasn't heavily enforced, save for MAYBE a single ship, or two. Not having that security anymore just shakes things up too much and I guess it's one change that I could never get used to.

Regardless, the thoughts of this morning have me leaning toward either some kind of indefinite hiatus, or a massive reboot to start anew and maybe find a new place to settle. Those of you that want me around can keep me on discord and continue to chat with me there. But if not, and IF I do decide to go that route, I bid thee farewell and I hope for nothing but good luck in your future endeavors.

[liquidstar]

this is not a comprehensive list

[risingsunresistance]

btw if you're aiming to make an "all inclusive" post this pride month but you specifically leave out the rainbow flag in favor of specific labels, im killing you with rocks

[eclaire-went-bam]

hey, what happened to the left believing in second chances? what happened to the belief that if somebody's tangibly doing better, they deserve that chance? you guys realise how common problematic beliefs were when the internet was younger? like, when gamergate was a thing? not that long ago? you guys realise most people on the internet are not from the same moral background as you? you guys realise keeping people out who have changed their beliefs, is only going to discourage more people from doing better? are you guys crazy? why are y'all bringing moral purity into this? it's a powerful thing to recognise things you've been taught were wrong & to then move away from it, especially when you're in a community around it either irl or online. being in a community is such a powerful force in most people's lives. not everyone had the perfect background & not everyone had access to being as educated on social issues as you did. it's fine to personally not forgive someone's problematic history & not interact with them, but to actively exclude them from the cause? get off your high horse, you're harming the movement by gatekeeping it to those with a perfect moral background.

[honkifyourelonely]

queer culture vs queer identity in the modern age oh god

[elviraaxen]

I don’t recall if you’ve answered this before buut was it alright to draw fanart of ur puppet characters or do you prefer there not to be? :0

Of course!!! You can use the felt world tag too or tag me directly! Or however you like!! ^^

[vir-dirthara]

saw a thing last night that said 'did you always feel left out so now you exclude yourself from things on purpose before you can feel that way' so now i'm rewriting how i view myself this morning

[eoinmcgonigal]

So I saw a post about tumblr wanting to try this 'communities' thing, and I just gotta vent/say my piece. (the tl;dr is 'fuck that shit')

1. I really hate the current trend of fracturing and fragmenting things down into little pieces so they can be categorised into boxes. That's not natural. (Also, discord pushing threads, which I already detest for 1) making me feel like I'm gonna hurl from the violently dissonant, ugly layout, 2) the severely narrow topic problem, and 3) how neurodiverse-hostile they are.)

Like, naturally conversations meander. If you're only allowed to discuss one topic, it's gonna be stifling. You WILL run out of things to say. Making another little box isn't going to fix it, it'll just add to the clutter

2. Quite importantly, honestly, just stop fucking changing shit. It's unnecessary

3. It's not going to be neurodiverse-friendly. As if fandom hasn't changed enough to become increasingly unfriendly to people who are just here to enjoy their hyperfixation and/or special interest. I don't need another thing to learn to navigate. I don't need another place with different rules to carefully traverse. Yes, I'm fandom old and salty. I'm AuDHD and a spoonie with about half a spoon to spend on a good day. I do not have the energy to do all this switching about and jumping from thing to thing. It's exhausting. I want everything where I can find it, and where I can be passionate without having to perform tasks like it's some customer service job, or job interview

4. FOMO shit is toxic. This whole 'be a part of the thing!' necessity if you want to 'engage' or see the conversations and 'content'. Why? I guess it's a social media model that drives engagement, but the stress of it is going to fuck people up. What if you don't have the time, energy, health, spoons, social skills, etc? I have no idea how much interacting will be expected with other people in the 'community' but I can see it becoming a twitter-like circlejerk, and if you're not one of the 'in' crowd doing your required interaction/reblogging/commenting then you might as well not exist to that fandom/group

5. From the description, it looks like these things will be ripe for drama, toxicity, clique shit, becoming echo chambers, etc. because 'semi public' means you gotta opt in/join in some way and whatever's said isn't visible to any old user

Like, who is going to create and mod these things? Who decides what the rules are? What if your fave is 'problematic', or your kink is 'gross' (if nsfw is allowed at all), your take doesn't fit with fanon, or you are just a bit weird and people shun or turn on you for that?

I hope I'm wrong and either these things never happen or they're not as bad as I fear, but fuck sakes I have the above worries because it's shit I've seen happen time and time again, and I don't want to see given a place here

Also, genuinely, what the fuck is tumblr going to be like if you can't/don't want interact with these community things?

Quickly, 6. it creates an 'us' (in crowd) vs. 'them' (not part of our gang)

And then 7. who is going to be dominant in these 'communities'?

Yes, I'm upset right now, because tumblr was just fine (well, fine enough) until this point. I mean:

We have the ability to make sideblogs! (My Star Wars sideblog from... well a decade ago oops... is still out there, I don't touch it any more but I left it up for people to go through). Tumblr even made it so we can reply with sideblogs, which was a very neat update.

Tags!! I don't think it's as usual these days for people to go through tags to find new content, but that's how I do it, how I've always done it, and how I always intend to do it. I'm not following everyone who makes an SAS:RH post. I love you guys, but no. My dash would cause me to have a panic attack. It's already too much for me most days.

EFFORT!!!! I can be here every day full-time doing Stuff if I want! Or I can zone out for weeks if I want/need, materialise and contribute a silly meme, then drift off into the sunset again. If I 'miss' anything, I can go back through the tags, or scroll someone's blog. But honestly, who notices/cares on here if someone lurks or goes afk for a bit. It's super low pressure, because I'm doing what I can/want when I can/want

I want to opt in/out on my own time and terms. The thought of having to be part of a 'community' so I can see/not miss Content TM is freaking me out. I don't want there to be an 'appropriate' time window to interact with things like there is on other social media sites.

So, idk how the shit will look, but I don't agree with making things harder for people to access/find. I won't be posting stuff 'semi-privately'.

And you know what's super upsetting? The thought that I won't be able to see conversations and creations for things I love, because they're hidden away behind some complex new social thing I can't navigate. (Which is already an off-putting, ostracising problem on discord.) That's not how fandom communities should be.

The thought of there being less stuff 'out there' because it's in some 'community' somewhere... really not the direction I'd ever hope this site wold go in

I'm fuckin exhausted. Just lemme do my fandom whateverness without having to perform to some arbritary social interaction standard/requirements that I neither understand nor can do

[specterofyou]

circles (at a standstill)

"So... Well... {sigh} It's Justice. Justice Valdez. "Got outta the hospital some time ago. They had to suck some liquid from around my heart. Was there for a while, and uh... "I called you, Rei.

"... "I called you."

[la-florecita]

yeah today did not end on a good note for me. Found out my best friend won’t be able to go to an important event of mine (which is not their fault but I’m still bummed out). Then I was invited to this social event and guys. I have never felt so excluded in my life. It was so bad

[flutt3rb4tz]

aaaa. i wish my friends would actually act like friends. and. invite me to play games with them sometimes instead of excluding me or making the game harder for me to play (i have really bad tech anxiety and they like forcing mods on ppl)..

i js.. wanna play vidy game.. and hang out.. but all they play are mmos im too scared to/just cannot join in on (shitty laptop) or modded games that scare the shit out of me!!! why cant i hang out with my friends and why do they never think to invite me. i dont even try making it hard all ive told them is that downloading mods gives me panic attacks

[phoolsified-chaos]

hey, everything good ?

nah

[daz4i]

i miss him so much..

[re-frigeratorlight]

the outside truly is the 12 year old experience

[somelazyassartist]

What do I have to do to never see graphic novel Taako ever again (/nbh)

[teaonsoup]

I was new, not known, not accustomed to conversations taken place here.

I was new, I was hopeful, I'd get to laugh, talk, share here.

Til I was here and they were there, an already molded group I said to myself.

But then they were new, not known, not accustomed to conversations taken place here.

They were new, they were hopeful, they got to laugh, talk, share here.

They were there and I was still just here.