#i feel like i need to step down and work less hours @_@ i cant do this anymore aaaa

[fiie]

Same girl. I had a pretty bad mental health spell where I was having panic attacks almost every day (pretty sure I developed panic disorder) from the stress of working my full time job. And you have very little down time to recover

me 🤝 you

fr this is so me😭 it's kinda embarrassing, but I've had so many breakdowns at work that they started putting up mental health posters around the workplace 💀

I hope you're doing okay, anon 🥺🩷

[triptuckers]

on the bottom of the lake - percy jackson

Request: yes! "I love ur writing!! could you write something w Percy helping anxious reader?? I’ve been super stressed lately and idk this show is keeping me sane lmao" Pairing:  Percy Jackson x reader Summary:  you've been stressed and percy knows the perfect way to help you relax Warnings:  reader being stressed, some swearing, anxiety Word count:  917 A/N: I drew so many pjo characters yesterday I cant wait to share them when I'm done with them :) thanks for your request, enjoy!

you don't know if you've ever felt like this. sure, you'd been stressed before. but now you're losing sleep over it. and not a few hours, just nights without zero sleep at all.

you've got a big project you need to do for school over the summer. if you call, it'll be your last strike and you'd be expelled. like it was your fault you had trouble reading and concentrating.

when you arrived at camp half-blood at the start of summer, you thought some of your worries would go away.

the opposite happened.

you saw everyone around you having a good time. they didn't have to worry about some project. they slept peacefully from night til morning.

even if you can't work on your project, you're constantly thinking about it. your mind never rests.

percy noticed you've been stressed and tries to talk to you about it, but you always shut him down. it's enough to think about it all the time, let alone talk about it.

after a couple of days, percy tries again. he really wants to help you, but he don't know why.

'hey, y/n?' says percy.

'what's up?' you say, looking up at him. you're supposed to help your cabin prepare for tonight's bonfire, but so far you're not helping much.

'about your project-'

'gods, will you leave it alone, percy!' you burst out. 'I think about that fucking project all day don't you start about it as well!'

percy takes a step back and you realise it's because of you.

'I'm sorry! sorry!' you say, getting up and grabbing one of his hands. 'I'm so sorry I didn't mean it.'

you feel tears slowly starting to fall.

'hey, it's okay.' says percy softly. he reaches up and brushes a tear from your cheek. 'want to go to the lake for a while?'

you nod. percy leads you to the lake. you close your eyes and let the breeze calm you down. but still the project is on your mind. if you go to your cabin now, you could get some work done.

percy tugs on your hand and you open your eyes to look at him.

'get in.' he says, nodding his head toward the lake.

'now?'

percy nods.

'percy, I don't want to go swimming right now.'

'do you trust me?'

'of course.'

'then get in.'

you sigh. what did you have to lose? maybe a swim would be nice.

'let me get my bathing suit.' you say.

'nope.' says percy, pulling you by your hand as he jumps in the lake. before you can stop him, you're pulled forward by his momentum. seconds later, the water surrounds you.

you want to yell at him for getting your clothes soaked, but you remember you're under water. once you get your bearings, you open your eyes, letting them get accustomed to the water.

you try to swim to the surface, but percy still holds on to your hand and pulls you further down, all the way to the bottom of the lake.

good for him, he's a poseidon kid. you aren't. you can't breathe underwater. surely percy knows that right?

he lets go of you hands and swims to the bottom of the lake.

you're going to have to go up for air soon.

you can see percy sitting down on the ocean floor, gesturing at you to join him. you squint your eyes. it looks like the water is less murky down there.

you let yourself sink down to percy's level. the water is less murky here because there is no water here.

'I didn't know you could do this.' you say, looking around the air bubble you're in.

'pretty cool, right?' says percy, smiling proudly.

'why are we here?'

'I mostly come here when I need to be alone. if you sit here in silence for a while, the fish will come up to you. and I always thought the waves are soothing to look at from down here.'

you look up and watch the waves for a while. sunlight pours through the water, giving it a soft glow.

you move closer to percy and rest your head on his shoulder.

the two of you sit there for a while. and percy was right. after some time, fish start to swim around your bubble.

percy tells you about the lake and the animals and after a while even two water nymphs come to say hello. percy knows them and introduces you to them.

you sit there for so long you lose track of time. it's getting late, so you decide to swim up to the surface.

normally you would have been soaked, but thanks to percy you're warm and dry.

you stifle a yawn as percy takes your hand in his and starts walking towards the cabins.

'thank you, that was nice.' you say.

'one of the bonuses of dating a poseidon kid.' says percy, lightly squeezing your hand.

he notices you hadn't talked about your project at all when you were in the lake. and you look genuinely tired. he hopes you can get at least one good nights sleep tonight.

'want to stay at my cabin tonight?' he says.

you smile and nod. 'yeah I'd like that.'

the two of you head to percy's cabin to get some sleep. and percy had been right, you got a good night of uninterrupted sleep. you dreamt of nothing but the comfort of the lake, and percy's presence next to you.

A/N:If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[divine-misfortune]

17 with phantom, rain, and dew? 👉👈

Slick and wet, the sound of a desperate paced desire pervaded the air. The associated scent surely hung thick, musk and something faintly metallic. Nothing about it was discreet, not that they were trying to be - Rain hardly ever cared to be, and Phantom wasn't capable of it. 

He tried in vain to muffle himself; hand clamped over his mouth, breathing heavily through his nose, eyes rolled back as he cants his hips forward. 

Rain's eyes also roll, but in sheer annoyance. He sneered and dug his heel into the other ghoul's lower back.

"Do you plan on fucking me like you mean it or are you going to keep wasting my time?" He propped himself up enough to grab his wrist and drag it into place on the other side of his waist. "You wanted my attention so badly, work to keep it or I'll find someone who can." 

“I can do it, I can I promise-” he panted and shifted the way his hands sat on him, holding tightly like Rain’s disappointment might drive him from beneath him. 

Phantom's thumbs dug into the valley between his hip bones as he thrust into him again. Less hesitant than he had been. More eager to please than anything, surely emboldened by the water ghoul's threats, he pinned him in place on the desk and fucked into him in earnest. Rain wondered if he could feel the way his dick stretched him with every thrust beneath his thumbs. He wasn’t large by any means, but that didn’t change just how perfectly he filled him, how he could feel him in the deepest parts of himself. 

"Fucking finally-!" Rain's head thumped lightly against the wood with a particularly rough snap of his hips, his sigh cut short. Gasping as the blunt head of his cock nudged at a bed of nerves. 

His body tensed, walls bearing down in approval that Rain wouldn't waste the oxygen in saying.

Phantom groaned, purple eyes fixed on the place their bodies met. Enamored by the way his cock splitting the water ghoul open made Rain’s engorged clit visibly twitch. Dusky pink and jutting out from between his slick folds. Rain let his palm slide over his belly, following the dark and coarse hair that trailed south, graciously spreading his lips to give him a proper look at it. He choked, his pace coming to stutter slightly as he chewed at his lower lip. 

Rain bit the inside of his cheek, the urge to smile in self satisfaction threatening to give him away entirely. Phantom's fascination was near enough worship for him.

Like the simple gasp was all the encouragement he needed, Phantom took to a quick pace, abusing the angle that seemed to force every pleasured sound Rain was capable of making out of him. Without verbal praise he sought out a more physical variety, and every clench of heat around him was reward enough.

Tossing his head to move the hair from his eyes, Phantom lifted his gaze briefly and abruptly froze like a deer in headlights. 

"You finally figured out how to make yourself useful, why in the seven hells did you stop?!" Rain snapped, somewhere between a hiss and a sob. 

"So this is where you've been?" 

Rain's brow furrowed as he tipped his head back, an awkward arch, unintentionally baring his throat to the one above him. In the doorway an upside down fire ghoul, the dim light of the office space emphasizing the orange burn in his narrowed eyes. 

"Droplet," he purred easily and felt Phantom's cock pulse inside him, still buried deep. He smiled and Dew's frown turned into a full blown scowl. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He practically growled and Rain rolled his eyes. “You ditched me to go fuck the newbie? Couldn’t keep it in your pants for a few hours?” 

Above him, Phantom stammered. Caught on a syllable with all the grace of a kid caught elbow deep in the cookie jar, Rain wasn’t sure if he was trying to make excuses or apologize. Dew took a step forward, the old wooden floors creaking obnoxiously under his weight, and Phantom flinched like his gaze alone was enough to burn him. Rain seized both of his wrists when he moved to withdraw. Just the inch he’d managed to pull out of him was too much for Rain’s liking. Phantom had carved a space out inside of him, and without him his body felt painfully empty, and he would never admit that out loud.

He hauled his hands back into place like they belonged there to begin with.

“I didn’t tell you to stop, baby bat,” Rain warned though his tone held all the sweetness as a spoonful of cough syrup, and Phantom blinked wide eyed and confused. Whiplash rattling around behind his semi glassy eyes. “Don’t get shy on me now, you were doing so well.” 

It was clear from the way his face twisted that something ugly and jealous simmered in Dew the longer he stood there, the longer he watched. Rain watched, almost gleefully, as his mate ran his tongue over his teeth and clenched his fists at his sides. Barely tempered irritation came with the faintest scent of gasoline. 

He dragged Phantom close with a heavy hand on the back of his neck, nipping lightly at his earlobe before the little ghoul instinctively hid against his neck. Thin fingers tangled into his dark hair, the quintessence ghoul gave an experimental roll of his hips and let out a shuddered sigh. 

A twitch in Dew’s face. Rain’s smile was certainly wicked, he knew exactly what he was doing. He often did. 

“Let him watch,” he breathed softly into his mussed up hair and Phantom nodded with the faintest whimper. Pleasure and pride mingled in his belly. “Want him to see just how good you are for me, how you fuck me…Show him how high my standards are.” 

Rain didn’t even try to swallow back the sound Phantom managed to punch out of him when he fucked back into him, hard enough to jolt his entire body forward. Insult to injury. Fuel to a fire.

He also didn’t bother to look back at Dew. Knowing full well that even as his fire ghoul steamed and growled somewhere low in his chest, he’d consciously made the decision to remain, to watch, to blatantly pretend his cock wasn’t fattening up in his jeans. 

He could already feel the scalding hands around his throat. The bruises Phantom would leave on his hips would be nothing compared to the welts Dew was bound to gift him in kind. 

[tazzmanian-devil]

im so scared of the future. i dont know what im going to do with myself. i am not mentally capable of working enough hours to support myself without killing myself. i truly believe that if i lived alone i would burn my house down. i cant work jobs that require a lot of standing or interacting with others. i dont have the autism that makes me good with computers to do something online. i have no idea what im good for. i dont even draw well or often enough to do commissions, and i feel too guilty about not being in a difficult financial situation to even offer them.

i dont know how to apply for disability or what it would even grant me besides tax benefits. one of the questions on the website is for employment status, and the two options are employed and unemployed/seeking employment. i do not think i am capable of working a regular job, and i have no idea what IRregular jobs there might be. i tried reaching out to my school's employment coordinator, and her ONLY advice was to sell my work. i am trying!

maybe it would be different if i felt more direct and specific pressure of a problem to solve and less general pressure to do what im supposed to without knowing what that is. im living with my grandfather and aunt right now, so im not feeling housing pressure. my parents are paying for my education, so im not feeling pressure to pay that back. why do i need that? what is it for? what is my goal? i dont know. i have money from student loans in my bank account paying for my groceries.

i feel like a horse whose ass has been spanked. something is driving me forward, but i dont know what or which direction to run. i have no idea whats coming, and its horrible. i dont know what i want or what i should be doing next, except for 'get a job' which is such a vague instruction that its leaving me spinning my wheels.

i should get a job so i can live alone...but i dont want to live alone. i dont think i CAN live alone, unsupported. what is any of this for??? i start taking steps forward, and im haulted each time by myself asking why? why am i doing this? whats the point? what do i want from this? nothing? i want nothing? im only doing this to satisfy external pressures? then whats the point? cant i just watch movies all day instead? whats the point?

[steinfellds]

She Isn't Coming Home

Pairing: Mom!WandaNat x Teenager!Reader

Summary: Thanos snapped half your family away five years ago. Five years later, half your family is still missing. Though this time forever.

Warnings: death mentions, depression, cheating, angst with no happy ending, family issues.

1.2K Words

a/n: im changing the plot of endgame a bit cause I cant be fucked to write it all out

/ masterlist / / w.n masterlist /

You were 13 years old when the Avengers lost against Thanos, causing half the universe's population to cease to exist. You still remember the horrible feeling you felt in your gut when you saw the Wakandian guard who was watching over you turn to dust.

At the time, you thought you caused the guard to turn to dust with your recently discovered powers. So you hid in a vent for half an hour until your mother, Natasha, found you.

Only 3 days later, you were told of what happened to the rest of the universe.

You cried for weeks straight about the death of Wanda, and even Natasha shed a couple of tears at the loss of her ex-wife.

Wanda and Natasha had divorced 2 years prior to the blip when Natasha found her cheating on her with Vision.

After the blip, you struggled to return to your normal life as your powers were spiraling out of control, and Natasha was forcing herself to work so she could forget the horrible things that happened.

By the time you were 14 years old, you were diagnosed with depression and were failing half your classes. You would skip school constantly to hang out with your friends and show off your powers.

The first time Natasha found out about this, she was upset and hit you with the "How would Wanda feel about this?" which broke you at the thought of your dead mother's reaction. Though slowly you started to care less and less about Wanda's reaction.

She was dead. She didn't matter anymore.

It was just you and Natasha now.

Your relationship with your mom wasn't bad. Sure, you had your ups and downs but you still loved each other dearly. Sometimes you wouldn't know what you would do if you lost her as well.

"You're telling me there may actually be a way to get everybody back?" You stared at Tony, tears filling your eyes at the hope of everybody's return.

Tony hummed, "There's a possibility of it, yes."

"But don't get your hopes too high, okay? We aren't 100% sure of it." Natasha said to you, a stern look on her face.

You nodded, "It's just crazy that after 5 years, everybody could come back."

"It's been 5 years of hell," Bruce muttered, flicking switches at the control panel in front of him.

Natasha put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump. "Sweetheart, you need to go to bed. It's getting late."

You shook your head with a small laugh, "Mom, I'm not 13 anymore. I'm 18, I make my own decisions."

Natasha raised a brow at you. You have been talking back to her a lot more often than usual.

"Okay, sorry." You apologised, making your mother smile. "Goodnight, everybody!"

It only took a couple of days for Tony and Bruce to figure out how to time travel and retrieve the infinity stones.

"Mom, why won't you let me come with you? Please, I never come on missions with you." You begged, yanking onto Natasha's suit.

"Stop acting like a whiny child, Y/n. I told you that you're staying here and Clint is coming with me."

"But, mom-"

"Y/n, drop it."

You groaned and dramatically threw your body onto Natasha. She pushed you away with a laugh.

"You're a big baby, you know that?"

"You suck." You huffed out, watching your mother walk onto the platform.

"Love you, baby." Natasha sent you a wink.

The Avengers exchanged short conversations before they stepped into the correct positions.

"See you in a minute."

A bright flash of light lit up the platform and everybody disappeared.

It was only a few minutes before everybody started reappearing on the platform, each holding an infinity stone.

"Holy shit, Tony! You actually did it." You cheered, running up to him.

"Did you seriously doubt me?" He asked with a chuckle.

You sheepishly smiled, "Maybe."

A thumping sound made you turn away from Tony. You saw Clint defeatedly sitting on his knees with an infinity stone grasped in his hand, his face stained with tears.

"Clint? W-where's my mom?" You couldn't see your mom anywhere.

"She's...I'm so sorry, Y/n." His voice cracked and he started sobbing.

"Where's my mom, Clint? What the fuck did you do?" Your eyes started to fill with tears.

"I tried to stop her, I promise I tried. Though she's always been better at fighting than me, and- and I couldn't stop her." Clint couldn't even bring himself to look at you, "She's dead. I'm sorry."

All you could do was start to sob. You didn't know what to say or do. You felt fucking horrible. The last thing you ever said to your mother was "You suck." You didn't even tell her how much you loved her, and that tore you apart.

You collapsed into Tony's arms and quietly sobbed into his chest.

The death of Natasha was heavy on everybody's shoulders. Everybody was mainly silent, only talking when needed. Nobody spoke to you or Clint; you both looked like you could break down at any moment.

After many long arguments, it was decided Bruce would snap everybody back into existence. When Bruce snapped, you were almost sure he was going to die. It filled your eyes with tears at the thought of losing another loved one today.

"Did it work?" Rocket asked softly.

A loud sound was heard outside the compound, which caused everybody to run outside. Portals started opening one after the other, revealing the once-dead heroes.

"Y/n? Baby, where are you?" Wanda's voice broke through the loud crowd.

Wanda's eyes widened when she saw you, "Y/n?"

You stared at her, not really feeling anything but sadness. "Hi."

"You're so big! What happened? Why are you suddenly so old?"

"You're going to have to sit down for this." You whispered with a sad smile.

You and Wanda sat cross-legged on your bed. Both of your eyes were filled with tears.

"It's been 5 years since Thanos and Natasha is dead?" Wanda asked for the second time, still not really believing it.

You hummed, picking at the skin of your fingertips.

"That's okay, sweetheart. You still have me."

You looked at her with a confused expression, "Excuse me? What about my mom's death is okay?"

"That's not-"

"No, fuck you, honestly. My mom raised me, you were gone all my teenagehood and now you're saying this shit?" You stood up from the bed and moved away from Wanda.

"Honey, please," Wanda begged, realising she massively messed up.

"Firstly, you ruin this family by cheating on mom with a fucking toaster and now you've gone and ruined whatever family this is." You stared daggers into Wanda's eyes.

"Don't you dare call Vision a toaster."

"Mom died to bring you back! She knew how much I missed and needed you so she killed herself in order to help me." Your voice broke, "I wish you stayed dead."

"You don't mean that." She scoffed.

"Get out of my room. I don't even want to look at your face right now."

"Y/n-"

"Get out!" Your eyes flashed to a blinding white colour.

Wanda quickly scurried out of your room with tears rolling down her cheeks.

You flopped down on your bed and started to cry your eyes out. In the span of a couple of hours, you lost every important thing to you. Your mother was killed and Wanda ruined whatever relationship you were willing to build with her with a couple of words.

You had nobody. You were entirely alone.

And it really, really hurt.

[beesmygod]

So TotK seems to be clicking where BotW wasn't. Any insight on what the key differences are that work for you?

note: i played botw up until the calamity ganon fight and then went "yeah ok ive played a zelda game before", put it down and never went back. didnt play the dlc

i dont think anyone would be surprised to know that im a "majoras mask was the best zelda" guy but the reason has little to do with the "darker tone" or the lore but because reusing assets allowed the dev team to greatly (GREATLY in this case holy shit) expand on the actual contents of the game itself. i love gold/silver best for the same reason.

botw is like running around an empty movie set. theres nothing in that fucking game. at the time, due to the proliferation of crafting mechanics infesting literally every AAA game, it felt like nintendo was more focused about hitting all the checks on a checklist of tired mechanics that were included just for the sake of saying they had it. crafting! weapon durability! open world! pbbbbt.

none of these things proved to be enjoyable to me. keeping in mind that ive been playing zeldas since the snes (skipping only a handful of handheld games), the changes felt like steps away from what makes zelda games unique. crafting felt like an arbitrary step between me and potions. i wanted to swing my master sword with power, not experiment with clumsy weapons that stop existing after i finally get a feel for them. and the open world, frankly sucked.

mm rewarded me for my curiosity. experimentation and exploration would lead to interesting or gratifying results (did you know theres a paper airplane in ikana canyon...). botw is like playing in the window xp background. theres barely any landmarks, except shrines, or anything to do outside of getting the yiga clan's ass. theyre easy to pick out because theyre literally the only people on the road. the world is put to waste; i cant play with it, i can just observe and be extremely artificially hindered by its vastness.

this doesnt really fit anywhere else in the above open world rant, but trading the shrines for small and sparce dungeons was a huge let down. i was hoping for a series of cohesive puzzles intended to help my mastery of my newest weapon or ability. you know. like a zelda game

totk fixed this and every other problem in the best way possible; the devs dumped a ton of toys into my playpen, gave me a hot glue gun, and told me to go buck wild. i love to build a horrible contraption to solve my stupid problems or kill me instantly. i love that experimenting with weapons involves actual experimentation if you desire or you can have an inventory exclusively full of spear type weapons with vastly different properties by gluing a bunch of rocks or monster parts to it. but most importantly....the "stock up->head out->explore->return" loop no longer feels like i have to go to the dmv over and over.

sure, the depths are artificially large in the way that the map in botw was; theres not a lot to do except reveal the map and do plot stuff. but the overworld was given a complete overhaul using the empty map as a starting point. theres actually stuff to look at, ruins to explore, caves to investigate, holes to jump into, and all that shit in the sky to explore. the sky map might be sparse but its meticulously crafted so that just the process of explorating the archipelagos feels like a puzzle you need to solve, as opposed to a hurdle you have to jump.

there is so much more to do in totk that im pretty sure im over 20 hours in and havent done any of the regional main quests. ive been running around picking up side quests, uncovering the map, exploring the depths, fucking around in the sky, and dying my clothes. but its not annoying or overwhelming. it feels more alive and less like a weird map in an abandoned gmod server. im having fun.

for crit: imo, one of the biggest criticisms i have for both these games is that the voice acting is horrendous. nintendo has too much money to be tapping people who sound like they just got out of the shenmue soundbooth. zelda was not improved by voice acting and they should probably go back to everyone just having short exclamations like "HEH HEEH!" or "hmmm...".

also link doesnt roll anymore and its really fucking me up. im really struggling here lol. i keep trying to do dark souls shit and every fight involves me accidentally zooming in with the sheikah slate instead of locking on, hitting l1 istead of shield, and whistling for my horse instead of drinking estus.

also nerf rain

[tera-91]

A month of rambles ...

I tried to stick to writing and posting. It didnt really work well ... I felt like all I was doing was complaining. So this is basically me going on a rambling complaint rant over the past 3 weeks to a month.

Well classes have started. I ended up changing my class day due to issues with work. Part of me cant believe I did that just to make it easier for the manager that is really getting on my nerves.

Then again I just took the easy way out. It really isn’t worth the headache. I’m having some issues so I want to get rid of any stressors that I possibly can. I’m trying to be good and getting any course work I can done early. That way I don’t end up for whatever reason working the close shift and come home to freak out that I have an assignment due in very few hours with not enough energy or will power to do it. This is hard for me to do as I am an extreme procrastinator. Barely a week into classes and I almost missed a due date because I nearly over looked it in my planner. Then while I was doing it I kept stopping to work on something else that was bugging me.

Ive come to the conclusion that I need to get better at time management. Not sure how im going to do that though.

Well it didn’t take long for me to fall behind. I think part of it is because I don’t like the way the course is laid out. Its silly how things are locked until something else is done. Oh well, I have a few days off in a row coming up so I will just get back on track then.

I just have soo much to do. The things that I absolutely need to do are such a slog to get through. There are some things that I need to do but I know that I need to tackle other things more urgently, these are a breeze to get through. I almost want to just hurry up and knock them out so that way those don’t become a slog at a later time.

I know its just September but Im half freaking out about October. I have quite a bit of things that I want to have done for October to post and I have literally none of it done. Its like im a walking contradiction, there are days where I feel like I get so much stuff done. I literally get so much stuff done, like I write it down because I feel like if I can see what I actually get done it helps me feel/see I really do get stuff done and its not like I just sit and do nothing all day.

But then I sit down and think about all the stuff that I want to get done. I write a list of all the things I want to get done and it legit looks like a scroll from a cartoon where they open it and it rolls out of the room. Its hard to feel like I get anything done with a list like that, which just keeps growing as I get ideas nearly every day or I see something that needs to be done.

I made a list of all the stuff that I know needs to be done. I don’t know if that really helped. Or just made things more overwhelming.

My sibling said something to the affect of make a comparison and do the thing that is quicker and/or is the most rewarding. So I kind of started doing that. When I don’t have to immediately do something I pick two things. Then I write down 3 things about it, like the amount of time that I think ( which Im a very bad judge of time so its mostly me writing down which one will take the most/least amount of time.), which one will be the most rewarding, and which one would take the most steps to do.

Additionally, I try to write down 6 or less items that I absolutely have to do that day. Anything else that I get done would be great.

This is going to sound weird and I don’t know if it will make any sense. I feel like im a ball of yarn but several different strings are being pulled to try to unravel it.

I need a job but when I work with specific people I get pissed off.

I don’t want to be there.

One stays at one station all day long. It happens to be where I want to be. I don’t really have to deal with people there. Not just that I cant trust that something will get done as quickly as it needs to be done and then I have to deal with people that more than likely wont be happy that it’s not done.

Then the other person I don’t want to work with tells those people a lie. Mostly undermining me when I tell them the truth about how much time it will take.

Yesterday at work I felt like I was being interrogated. Kept asking me specific questions about something not work related. Like they were trying to catch me in something. Not necessarily a lie, but like fishing to see if I would say the wrong answer to get my in trouble somehow.

I also took up extra shifts and I didn’t think it was this persons business so I didn’t say anything. But someone said something. So they knew. Asked be about it later.

I feel like this is what happened with the interrogating questions. I said something to I know 2 others I work with. Someone must have said something. It makes me not want to talk at work. But I also feel awkward when there’s no conversation.

Its affecting me and I know it. It affects the way I speak to people while I’m there. But part of me doesn’t exactly care as bad as that sounds. And sometimes it affects me at home too.

I get frustrated that I cant get what I WANT done. I know there are things that NEED to get done. But sometimes I disagree with the order these things are to be done. Sometimes too if it’s a large project I just want to do some of this and some of that.

I also am behind on A LOT of things. September snuck up on me. Now September is almost over. October will be here like nothing.

I don’t have any videos ready to post. I don’t have any of my stories ready to post. I havnt spent any time on my book that I want ready in just over 6 months. I havnt gotten any of the home projects done, or even started for that matter.

All I have is a BUNCH of audio I have to scrub. Once ive scrubbed it then I have to match it to the recording. I have to scrub that to make sure the audio is in sync with the video. Then im able to upload it. I have HOURS probably at least 20 hours of audio to scrub. And that is just the original videos not including the smaller videos I make out of all that. I have probably a good 40 videos that can be made. Not to mention the amount that I have left to record. One set I think I may have 5 hours left to record. I could be wrong it could be more. Then the other set I have a good 8 to 10 hours minimum left to record. But I cant get all of that done until I get a SSD or something to transfer what ive completed so far to make room.

That is just 2 projects I have going. I want to do something else too but that takes time to research, write, edit, record, edit more, etc.

Im just completely overwhelmed.

[cruzctrl]

So, i've been gone for quite sometime. And alot has happened, it being me becoming director of respiratory at my facility, hating every minute of it, stepping down after 5 months, and picking up a full time job at a former facility. There were quite a few things that made me step down- actually alot of things:

1. Short staffing

The issue with short staffing and trying to approve peoples vacation times was a nightmare. I catered to these people thinking yeah its gonna be fine. Ill figure something out. Then when i get call ins, no one is willing to work. Im not about to run 20 hours working at this place when 8 hours is already dreadful. And guess what, i still did it. I tried. But the consistency of how bad no one wanted to work was more than enough of a problem for me to step down. And i low key hated people to begin with and it didnt make the job any easier.

2. Supply shortage

This was probably the worst one. Id do my daily tuesday routines of ordering supplies, and yet i seem to never get the main supplies i need. Trachs. Bacteria filters for suction machines. Pulse oximeter probes and cables. And its out of my control. I get it. Ever since covid cane around it hasnt been any easier for anyone. But again, being blamed for something i cant control was already daunting and i hated

3. Inheriting a staff i've worked with for 7 years

It sucked. They know my work ethic. And they see me as one of them. Not as a supervisor. Only when they need my signature to sign off on their overtime. Or their vacations. Or their bullshit sick days. And when i needed the help only a few were able to pull through. The fact that im somewhat salty about this whole situation makes me think: what could i have done differently? Why dont they look at me as someone who can take over a department? But then again. It is what it is. The lack of respect was already more than enough for me to leave. Aside from that, another guy who didnt even work more than 8 days a month became the director and they seem to give him more respect than me. But, like i said i could of done things differently, but i wouldnt know what to do anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. Taking work home

This was one thing i told myself- never take work home. Thats what i did. I took work home. I think about when the next time im gonna have to come in to cover a shift, why no one responds to my group me texts, or whatever shit that i needed to come in for. The stress and anxiety of coming home really fucked up my sleep. So bad to the point where id stay up super late just to enjoy what little time i had to myself. Thats bad on my part and probably affected me to the point where i dreaded work.

BUT

Ill admit, i low key miss goin to work whenever i want, but i dont miss goin to work when i shouldnt even be there. The amount of stress that has been lifted from my shoulders is so nice, i forgot how it was to just go to work, get things done, and leave with no worry about anything more or less. Im pretty content with what happened, how i did, and i appreciate the few support of people who really had my back. Funny thing is, they didnt even decrease my pay rate, so although i stepped down as director, im still getting director pay! I guess if theres a way to cheat the system, that was definitely it.

So, in hindsight, Im on call / per diem at my old facility, and got hired as full time at.. another old facility. BUT my pay has definitely increased in both places. Ever since i left, everything has looked alot brighter. i bought a new car, im back to working noc shift again, im happier as a whole, and i just think everything that ive dealt with was a lesson and that not all things at the top is so mint. The new guys i met at work seem pretty chill, and we have a few hobbies that we have in common so it was really easy to get a long with them. Plus i think this whole subacute dept as a whole is just good for myself and patient care. Its really nice to be able to go back to work and feel like im making a difference with what i do. I couldnt help but feel useless as a director. I guess one of the perks is the amount of overtime im gettin here, it is so absurd that im probably gonna be making more than my other places i worked at. Anyways, im happy and thats all that really matters. Ill probably post some pics of my new whip soon, just gotta find the time to take some decent pics. Hope you guys have been well, and this was just me ranting.

[lokbobpop]

Imagination

As Im walking imagination on eqafe I’m finding it very interesting, and new things have opened up lots more things have opened up, like i feel im starting all over again until i realize well i have been doing and getting better at seeing my mind but this opens up the point within me of how much deeper i need to go to see all my minds in perfections, down to the smallest daydream as it were, as i call it away with the fairy’s. Im distracted with the fairy’s of the mind frequently even listening to the eqafe recording ill be distracted by my mind several time within only a half hour listen lol so this is whats im working on at the moment still keeping an eye out for my comparisons to others as i see this is a deep seated within myself and need to be checked lol. So lets look at what comes up when im writing here? Very little as im writing im concentrating on my words, but i know only to well the mind will either come up with a distraction for me to think about like my mum is arriving today and all the things i need to get ready lol well something like that, as after to long being free of the mind it drags you back in like come on look over here :) so the look over here how can i support myself better i know i wrote about this the other day and looked at the word awareness to be more present in self and so on but i want to do it step un my game even more so less slip through, like you know when your lost in a thought you feel very relaxed you enjoy it until the mind throws in a curveball of an energetic reaction hey. So here’s to upping my game to the mental images that come up out of the blue that have been sitting in my unconscious mind and subconscious mind and of cause on the quantum physical and mind level to see who i am within the slightest of being taken away by the fairy’s

So im going to sit and wait and watch what comes up and what happens to myself on a mental and physical self.

A wood pigeon came close and is calling that lovely wood pigeon song and i was immediately taken back to growing up in the uk and listen the this call and how i felt like it was summer and joyful being outside playing. Then i stopped the mind and i know it would have taken me on an adventure of maybe a good childhood memory or a bad one. So to the next one.

The thought came up was, theres so many birds about and chris is still in bed, you wait till he gets up and i say how much he misses in the morning because i cant get out of bed, i see at the root of this im annoyed he’s still in bed and just want to wined him up to say ffs just get up and cause friction because i want him up.

I wonder if all the birds are here because they know what im doing lol yes self importance comes here like they must be, they must know what im doing and must be supporting me lol

I noticed ive crossed my arms and i thought why am i causing a barrier between myself and what i see? But it was a sort of come on then mind what’s next what are you going to show me about myself like i was ready to fight this take it on like ive got yu now, but with crossing the arms i was trying to protect myself i felt front the attacks of the mind warding off all evil :0

I went into thoughts of the lower back as im having trouble sleeping and blaming the mattress without considering the thoughts that contributed to these like giving my energy away to all these imaginations and not being here in the now.

My daughter just rang and said what are you doing and I could tell straight away she wasn’t interested and just wanted to get off the call and not go into some deep convo with me lol which she did.

I could probably sit here one day and do this for the whole day and write out all thoughts and imaginations that come up, it would be write one sit a few moments or mins and another one, this is how much of my time im actually only in my mind, where else would i be if i wasnt in my mind is the question. Far more active than i am already thats for use, being held back by the mind from living and myself is criminal so why so i let it happen??

[dckweed]

Hopper x f reader smut where hopper arrest the reader (maybe for speeding or something) and the reader seduces him and fucks him to get out of it. (Hopper uses handcuffs and degrades the reader)

ahh yes, thank you for re-asking i had the whole thing written and i was trying to change the gif bc i didn't like what i had and instead of deleting the gif i deleted the whole fucking post and didn't have it backed up.

anyways sorry this took so long but im definitely on my hopper shit today lmao ;)

warnings: MINORS DO NOT OPEN! please use condoms, this is for fictional pleasure only. public sex, use of handcuffs, slight degradation, a lot of hop doing some man handling bc let's face it, that's a man that knows how to handle shit. y'all are gonna die at the end.

"..PLEASE OFFICER, IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?.." jim hopper x female!reader

you knew you were speeding okay, but it was a country back road that was generally the road less traveled and okay maybe you weren't really in such a rush that you needed to be doing eighty-five miles an hour in a fifty-five zone, but fuck you'd be lying to yourself if you said that you didn't want be caught right now.

It was that time of the day where you knew that your favorite police officer, infact the sexiest police officer would be patrolling the road, watching for people breaking the speed limits. It was generally kids that sped through here, and they were typically few and far between so you weren't worried about what would happen if someone potentially saw you if your plan actually worked.

And if someone did see? Who cares, they would probably be too intimidated to spread rumors around town anyway once they saw who was involved.

It wasn't more than a couple moments later when you rounded a bend in the road, and you could see his car just up ahead in a small roadside clearing. You smirked to yourself, pushing the pedal down farther, urging your sporty little two seater car to go faster. She doesn't disappoint and by the time you blow past him the speedometer says you're pushing one hundred and fifteen.

You cant help but grin to yourself, you glance behind you in the rear view mirror, he pulling out at top speed, the rear end swaying from the force of how hard he hit rhe gas pedal how fast it's trying to move. You see his lights flip on and you start to slow down, using your turn signal to let him know you were pulling off into a deserted part of the road, slowly coming to a stop.

You put your car in park, and roll down the window, turning off the ignition. You hear his door slam and can practically feel him stomping over to you, quickly you make sure you look okay.

"Do you know how fucking fast you were goin?" He asks, hands cocked in his hips, that half annoyed, half angry edge to his voice that just turns you on. You can't help but rub your thighs together at the sound as you look up at him, admiring the way his uniform clings tightly to his large biceps.

You look up at him, a coy smile on your red painted lips. You shrug, pushing your tits together and up in the process as you lean towards him, poking your head slightly out of the window. "I'm sorry, Chief," You say, giving him a small innocent pout. "she handles so smoothly I didn't realize how hard i was riding the pedal.." It was the honest truth, it really was that smooth of a ride. You wouldn't lie if there wasn't a hint of a sultry tone to your voice as you spoke, hoping that he would catch on to your flirting.

The man sighs, running his hand over his face, though you notice a change in his demeanor as he looks at you. "Step out of the car Miss," He says, beckoning you out and you try oh so hard to contain your excitement. You open the car door and swing your legs out, your high heeled feet hitting the ground as you push yourself to a stand position, straightening out the short skirt that ridden up just enough to let him know that you didn't have any panties on. You swear you hear him groan.

"Am i in trouble, sir?" You ask, leaning forward just enough to give him that sweet, sweet peek at your cleavage, ready to pop out of the too small blouse you wore.

"I'm afraid so," He says, stepping towards you, a serious look on his face as he brings out his ticket pad. He's in front of you now, his tall shadow overbearing you, you look up at him, head cocked to the side, your bottom lip caught ever so slightly between your teeth. "you've been a bit naughty, and naught girls get tickets, don't they?" His voice is husky, thick with the emotion of the moment and god does it turn you on farther.

You pout, reaching your hand out to give his bicep a light touch, bringing it to a nice squeeze as you speak. "Please, officer, is there anything I could do to get out of it?" You ask, again, allowing your tits to almost spill out of your shirt as you show them off, clenching your thighs together to get the least bit of friction you can in that moment, because fuck if Jim Hopper didn't get you going, you didn't know what did. "Anything at all?"

He sucks in a sharp breath as your hand starts trailing downward, your eyes following it. You can just make out the outline of his hard cock through his pants, and god it takes everything in you not to drop to your knees and suck him off right then and there.

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back, miss," He says, voice low. "you're under arrest for being such a needy little whore that you're willing to fuck me to get out of a speeding ticket." He turns you around as he speaks, forcing you to bend down over the trunk of your car as you hear his handcuffs. Within moments they're around you, his stiff cock pressing against you from inside of his pants as he uses his pelvis to keep your in place, his hands going to pat you down as he tightens the cuffs. His hands linger in certain places, squeezing your hips gently before making their way up and around to your front, gripping your shirt and pulling it down to expose your tits, you hiss as your nipples hit the cool surface of your car.

"Fuck, if you be a good little whore, maybe ill give you what you want, okay?" He says and you already being putty in his large hands just nod vigorously. He chuckles, his hand going to your ass, squeezing nice and tight before giving it a rough slap, the skirt having rode up all the way in this position. You feel him press harder against you and you can't help the moan that escapes, or the way that you press right back against him, begging him to do something at this point.

"Tell me what you want, naughty girl," You hear him say as he loosens his zipper just enough to pull his cock out. You feel it hit your ass cheek and just barely ghost over your glistening pussy that's just out there for the world to see, waiting for him. "you want your chief to fuck the bad right out of you, hm? Right here on the side of the road over the back of your car like the whore you fucking are?"

You moan loudly, moving your ass around, trying to touch him with your pussy. He lands a harsh blow to the skin, leaving you stinging but still begging for more. "Fuck, Chief, yes I want you to fuck me right here, just like this.. please.." You say, knowing that that was what he was waiting for.

"Well, if you think it will help." You hear him say before pushing himself inside of you, you take him all the way to the base in one go, both of you moaning at the sensation. You were so wet it was dripping down your legs at this point, and fuck if you weren't already in the edge of cuming. You would never understand how he could do this to you, but fuck you loved it. "Fuck, pussy so fucking tight for me, my own personal whore, huh?"

You nod, a moan coming out as he starts moving, a steady, sharp pace coming out. "Fuck, fuck.." You chant out, feeling your car rocking back and forth under the two of you, you moan loudly as he shifts you ever so slightly and you feel the tip of his cock hit your cervix, he keeps you there, moving to more punishing pace as he continues to hit that spot, you can't even moan at this point everything is coming out in short, shaking breaths.

You try to move your hands, reaching for any part of him that you can touch but he pushes them back down, grabbing a handful of your ass at the same time. "Bad girls don't get to fucking touch!" He growls into your ear. "I can feel how fucking tight you are around me, such a hungry little whore you can't even hold out for me huh? Gonna cum right now on my fucking cock aren't you?"

"oh..sh-ahut-fuck.." You manage to grunt out, half of it inaudible and broken up by each thrust into your already over stimulated pussy but fuck it felt good, your orgasm washed over you within seconds and you felt your self clench around him so tight that you heard him give a loud groan, his hips stuttering as he cums without meaning to, your pussy squeezing it out of him, milking him as he thrust slowly into you. "Such a fucking whore that you milked my fucking cock..good fucking girl.." You hear him say, breathless as he gives one last slap to your ass, squeezing once more before pulling out of you.

He helps you stand with a chuckle after he zips his cock back into his pants. "That was.. spontaneous of you, love." He says, kissing your neck and shoulder before kissing your lips. "Holy shit I don't think you've made me cum like that before."

You laugh, turning around to face him as he takes off the cuffs. "Well, Chief, guess we know what we're doing tonight huh?" You tease, stuffing your boobs back into your top. You lean up to give him a kiss. "I'll see you at dinner, don't be late!" You say, he gives you one last kiss and another squeeze to the ass before watching you get back into your car and drive off, obeying the speed limits this time. You didn't think you could handle another round like that this quickly.

[healinghamster]

adhd do it tomorrow way

have you ever felt like everything is buzzing around you and nothing makes sense? you are overwhelmed and tired and don't know what to do? i made a little self-plan for cases like this that might help other nd folks!

take a deep breath. i am the most sceptical person about breathing excercises on the earth (AND they are boring?) but sometimes it does help. try using an app that uses vibration to guide you - it gives additional sensory stimuli and makes it less boring

is it morning or evening? if it is morning, then proceed to the next step. if it is evening, ask yourself: is it really important right now? or can you just go to sleep and figure it out later? if important, also proceed to the next step

jot down every thought the fastest way you can. hand-written, typed, voice recorded even - doesn't matter! get these thoughts out of your system first

now it is kind of like an affinity diagram - see where the thoughts overlap and put them into groups (they can be random and don't have to make sense to other people! for example you can have a "stuff i want to start but cant" or "bzzzz thoughts")

usually those groups fall into one of these categories - mental health and feelings, school and/or work, chores and errands, events (at least, that's how it is for me! you can have your own big categories)

now put aside school/work and chores/errands thoughts. is there anything in mental health area that feels uncomfortable? are you tired? sleepy? do you need to talk to someone or hug a pet? i usually deal with my emotional needs first no matter how urgent the work is

is there anything that must be done right this instance/in the next 3 hours in all of the categories? if no, take a rest. if possible, a full rest with nothing at all.

if there are things to be done do only the most urgent and crucial ones, but remember that your wellbeing always comes first!

if you have spoons and brain energy, try to spread the events, chores and school/work throughout the week. like cleaning on monday, history assignment on wednesday etc

alternatively, just make a big list with the categories divided. do one thing from the list a day and say "i'll do the rest tomorrow" (do one thing tomorrow). if you feel like it - you can do more! if you don't have energy or time - don't stress about it. do it tomorrow (unless it is super urgent which i struggle with still and don't have answers yet)

repeat until you feel less overwhelemed and can use your usual coping and planning tecnhiques ps. i am not sure if this is accessible because of the colors; i tried to make an adhd easy-to-read version but i don't know others' needs that well so please tell me if it needs warnings or a plain formatting post! ps2. i am working on adhd-friendly planner printables (which will be free) and i am implementing this method there. if you find it helpful, look out for those!

[abyislan08]

Traversing Teyvat

Chapter 1: Ad Astra Abyssosque

Synopsis: you continue your journey towards the city of freedom, adjusting to the new mechanics which you discover painstakingly.

Authors note: Hello! Since the prologue received a decent amount of response, I’ve decided to upload the first chapter. hope you enjoy it! Suggestions are welcome.

Masterlist

<Prologue/ 1 />

Optimism is a lie. That’s the cheapest trick in the book, and it doesn’t help. Trudging half an hour on the banks of the Dandelion sea didn’t get you to Mond and only led you to Starfell lake. The game might show the map to be tiny, and walking 200 metres in the map may take less than a minute. This is not the same when the game turned into reality.

The scorching sun was killing you and your stomach growled. How long was it since you had anything in your stomach? Twelve hours? Now that it was turning noon in the game, maybe over a day? Well, you skipped bloody dinner to just do Katheryne’s damned commissions.

After a miserable forty minutes of dragging your feet and climbing a slope, you reached the viewpoint.

Your breath hitched, Your eyes started watering, brain spinning as a flood of emotions came crashing in, and you could feel your muscles relax. Mondstadt never fails to impress you and the view reminded you how much you loved this place when the cutscene came rolling in introducing you to the city of freedom. The traveller’s expression mimicked yours, and Paimon floated by his side.

Where was the Traveller now? You wondered. Would he recognize you? Well as the person who makes the worst decisions and kills the character in every boss battle, he should recognize you.

Chuckling and with renewed vigour, you sprinted down to the statue of the seven, knowing what would happen next. You will get the power of Anemo. You knew you will. That’s how the game proceeds, right?

Soaking from head to do from trying to wade through the water, you climb up to the statue of the seven. No problem, you would dry your clothes with Anemo. Easy. You stood in front of the Statue of the seven. Its grandeur left you speechless. Taking a deep breath, you raised your hand to touch it.

What if it goes wrong? Would something even go wrong? This is a game, for god’s sake. Shaking your thoughts aside like an etch a sketch, you touched the statue.

Huh.

Nothing.

This was like a kick to the gut. You didn’t get why you couldn’t access the power of Anemo. You hopped from leg to leg. This wasn’t going well. You took a step back and observed the Statue. Wait a minute. The statue wasn’t broken as it appears to be in the beginning of the game. Instead, it was levelled up. Gold decked and shiny and new. That means that the traveller had already arrived Mondstadt and you weren’t the traveller.

“So no need to find for a random lost sibling, thank archons. Archons? When did I start saying archons.” This caught you off guard, guess you will have to adapt with the changes you might go through in the game before going back home.

That’s right home. How would you go home? Will you be able to leave this place? Your work… It was supposed to be a five-minute nap, and now how long has it been, a Day and a half or something?

“No nonononononono.. This cant be happening!!” you grunted as you pulled your hair. You became so invested in the game now that you are in the game, the thought of you escaping reality where you were supposed to be doesn’t sound too exciting. All that daydreaming and now that the dream has become reality, it's turning into a nightmare.

You swung your leg as hard as you could and hit the Statue, only to meet solid pain and a chance of a broken toe. Screaming and jumping holding your feet, you fell into the lake. Dripping once again.

SHWOOP.DING DING DING. Sounds similar to the map and inventory options started ringing in your ears. A floating screen. White and strikingly similar to the one in game popped up. You wiped your face with your palm, thinking it was the water that was messing with your sight. It was the inventory. And of course the message in the oh-so-dreaded-font said ‘there is nothing in the inventory’.

Well, obviously. You thought of artifacts, but seems that artifacts options doesn’t exist. Not for you, at least. You might have to verify with other vision bearers. Making a mental note, you expanded the screen to the size of a Gaming PC and explored the options available to you. You had food, quest items, clothing (to your surprise) and another option that you had never seen before, ‘Relics’.

Shrugging and shoving the inventory aside, you dragged open the map. It was more realistic. Like the fan art map which circulated the fandom at the beginning of the game. It did in fact show teleport waypoints. And the teleport waypoint were lit up. Crying a sigh of relief, you got up from the muddy pool of water in which you were shamelessly sitting the whole while, ogling the screen which may not be visible to anyone, like the complete fool of a person you are.

Squeezing and drying your clothes, you tapped on the teleport waypoint only to hear an unpleasant sound of error. TELEPORT WAYPOINT INACCESSIBLE. That’s all it said. Of course, you would have checked the Wi-Fi if you were at home but this is a damned reality, and you were starving and tired and all you wanted to do was eat something and get some rest. COME ON!! Guess you have to walk to Mondstadt. The very thought killed you inside. How do the locals do this?

“ Master Diluc, How the hell do you walk to the winery?, seriously, can't the inventory not have even a wind glider?” whining and groaning you stagger towards the tiny view of the gates of Mondstadt in the distance.

2 Hours later.

{MONDSTADT}

You passed out twice and had to wake up due to the grumbling in your stomach. Sunsettias decked the trees you passed but unlike a normal person, who would eat them to quench their thirst and fill their stomachs, you decided to head straight to Sara for sweet madames. How delightful.

“ Sweet Madame’s ….. Please Archons.. Sweet Madame’s” chanting under your breath, you walked on the bridge, chasing Timmie’s pigeons of course. “Hey, Odd Grown-up! You are scaring my pigeon. I AM GONNA TE…” “SHUT UP TIMMY” of course you didn’t mean to come off as rude, but the situation made you mad.

The Gates of Mondstadt were huge. You never remembered them being huge. Keeping a car as a scale, you could say that it was at-least 10 cars high, toss a John Cena on the car, and it might be perfect. Your neck started stiffening from the five minutes of ridiculous staring at the gates for an even more ridiculous assumption of scaling. The guards weren’t present at the gate. Of course, it's noon. They might have gone for a quick break or two.

As soon as you stepped in, the theme song of the city of freedom started playing. The mellow tunes drifted, and the noon crowd added to the environment, and you could feel your spine straighten as goose bumps shot up your arms.

With yet again another burst of renewed vigour, you skipped steps to meet the most adorable yet annoying character of all time. Your best friend and your worst enemy. The most-probably-a-robot Katheryne.

Her hair framed her face perfectly and her skin was abnormally pale. Her eyes were so pretty you wondered why she was an NPC. A pleasant smile plastered on her face, she turned to look at your …sloppy movements.

You fixed your hair and clothes, making yourself presentable. Of course, you had to look good in the game. I mean, have you looked at the characters. You probably looked like shit in front of them, and that was a fact.

“Hello! I presume you are Katheryne?” You had to act as though you were a traveller who knew nothing because it might be suspicious if you knew everything about everyone even before you were entering the city gates.

“Yes. Indeed, How may I help you?” She replied with the most customer-servicey voice anyone could muster. She is a robot, you could feel it in your gut.

“Um…as you can see.. I am kinda new here and actually have no Mora on hand and might need a place to stay…so can you help me out” you replied shyly. What were you doing? Portraying your self as homeless. Why? It helped Mona, it might help you.

Taken aback with an unexpected response, Katheryne eyes you with a professional look and without faltering responds, “Oh! Welcome to Mondstadt Outlander!, I do know a place to stay but since you have no Mora on hand now and since you are an outsider, credit may not be used” Wait. Did she say Outlander?. After a brief moment of silence, she added, “You could join the adventurers' guild, that can provide you with lodging. Though there is some paperwork, I will hold it off for a day or two, this is the city of freedom after all.”

She ducked and took out a package from under the desk. “ This is a starter package for beginners in the adventurers' guild, I slipped in a coupon for a meal in Good hunter, and after you are done with it, you may approach me. I will arrange for your stay in the guild quarters. How does it sound?” She said with a smile that made her human for once.

You nodded with tears in your eyes, “Sounds perfect, thank you!”.

“Well then, all you need to do is sign your name in this document, and you are good to go!” saying with professional grace, she slid a document. It was gibberish. Out of instinct, you tapped it twice and all the letters turned into English. Convenient. Signing without hesitation, you slid back the document and the quill back to Katheryne. Out of gratitude, you shook her hand.

The world around you froze. Katheryne started to pixelate, your ears started to buzz, and the background noises turned into static noises. You jumped, dropping her hand and the world returned to normal. The evening theme started to play and people started to chatter again.

Sliding the care package towards you, Katheryne grinned with a warm smile.

“ Ad Astra Abyssosque. Welcome to the Adventurer’s Guild.”

[reidsnose]

doodles

overview: reader doodles on her hands a lot and spencer has to give into the temptation of coloring it in

genre: flufffffff

a/n: sorry ive havent posted a fic in like a week, ive been in quite a slump but i had this idea well after midnight but i just had to write it so lmk what u guys think of this one :)

masterlist

-

-

doodling on your hands: a once nervous habit that had seeped into your everyday life and now is just a regular habit. nearly everyday you would come to work with clean hands and get home with a mini art gallery on your non dominant one.

Spencer admired this from the moment he noticed it. at first he thought you had a tattoo but when you came back the next day with it completely gone, he was a tad confused, only to catch you doodling on that very same hand a couple hours later on the jet. he thought maybe it was an occasional thing, a habit you'd quit once you got better situated into the team, but after nearly a year you still left work almost everyday with some cutesy sketches drawn on your hand.

Spencer found himself looking forward to your doodles, imagining in his head what you might draw each day, and thinking of all the colors you would add if you had the time. being the great profiler that he is, he noticed a pattern: you subconsciously correlated your doodles with your mood.

after especially hard cases or just bad days you always drew roses.

when you were very happy you drew all sorts of fruits.

anxiousness bore little swampy creatures and lily pads.

tired days filled your hands with random, intricate designs that you didn't even have to try hard to make.

and content was anything else.

he was so impressed and absolutely adored your little coping mechanism. watching you concentrate on making those teeny pieces of art simply for your own pleasure was definitely a sight to see. the way your eyebrows furrowed and tongue poked out a bit was absolutely positively adorable. and soon he had noticed that he was looking forward less to the doodles and more to watching you draw them. and after that he began looking forward to just you.

you were sat on the jet with your back to the corner of the last seat on the plane, creating a pattern of roses on the back of your hand. Spencer plopped down in the seat next to you, growing tired of watching from so far away.

"that bad, huh?" he asked, noticing the type of flower you were gracing your hand with.

"hm?" you looked up, confused.

"you only doodle roses on bad days." he explained, pointing to your hand.

"what? no i don't!" you defended, " i just think roses are neat."

to be fair, you were having a bad day but he could've profiled that without the doodle. he cant be right, can he? there was no way you had a mood system for your doodles! unless there was.

"repetitive strokes are therapeutic, so roses being rough days make sense. the spiral in the middle followed by however many layered petals you want is a perfectly repetitive while still interesting enough to doodle."

"if i didn't know any better i'd say you've been spying on me, Dr. Reid," you teased, enjoying the slight rouge that appeared on his cheeks.

"what! no! i'm- i'm a profiler i notice patterns! i just- spying sounds creepy." he stammered.

"ok. how about admiring." you jabbed, turning a little red yourself.

"fine. but you know coloring helps too." he flipped back to the old topic of conversation.

"unfortunately i only have the standard blue, black and red ink."

"roses are red." he chuckled.

"interesting point," you bent down and reached into your bag, pulling out a red pen and handing it to him, "knock yourself out."

"what?" he looked at you slightly bewildered.

"coloring is therapeutic, you said it yourself. and you and i both know that you need something to relax you after a case like that. we all do." you explained, trying to be as nonchalant as you could knowing his skin would touch yours.

he grabbed the pen and clicked it open, coloring smoothly and slowly inside the lines you had already made in black, careful not to go over them and smudge the ink. you and him both tried your best to ignore the warmth shooting through your bodies from every place your hands touched. his fingertips lightly grazing your knuckles as he worked.you worked your way up your arm, giving you both space to work and by the time you landed, you had a half sleeve garden of surprisingly well colored (and somehow shaded) red roses.

you went home that night and bought a pack of colorful (washable) pens, hoping this little rose garden with him wasn't a one time thing. and even if it was, you would want to add your own pop of color to your doodles.

thankfully it wasn't.

you and Spencer found yourselves drawing and coloring on your hand a lot. he would catch you doing it and pop in over your shoulder just to add a touch of color where he thought it fit. and you began to feel sad washing off what the two of you had created that day, feeling nostalgic for time that has hardly passed.

and sometimes on the jet you would get tired of your own skin, so you would draw little doodles on his hand, often times leaving a little heart at the base of his thumb. these little hearts he avoided washing off for as long as he possibly could because they felt like a part of you was always with him. he started doing the same thing to your hand, a sort of signature the two of you shared.

most days, the doodles on your hands were pretty much fully colored in.

but now Spencer began to worry. what if you get ink poisoning because of his coloring? sure, the risk was statistically low, improbable even; but never zero. so one night after work he went out and bought a little sketchbook and on the front he scrawled,

"y/n's super duper special sketchbook"

upon receiving it, after giving him a hug he never wanted to let go of, you took a sharpie and started editing the title he had given it. so it now read:

"y/n and Spencer's super duper special sketchbook"

the two of you used up a whole page that day, front and back filled with all types of fruits. Spencer smiled to himself, knowing this had made you very happy. you took a second to take a step back and admire him doing the very thing he admired you for. and you understood why; he just looked so precious and you suddenly realized you craved the feeling of his hand touching yours. so you leaned over and drew a little black heart at the base of his thumb. he looked up at you, smiling widely before returning a red heart to the base of your thumb.

and you guys tore through that book, using a page a day and filling it cover to cover in no time. your own personal handmade coloring book. it turned out to be both of your most prized possessions, a pang of sadness filling your chests as you finished the last page.

you felt bad taking it home with you that night, wondering if maybe Spencer wanted to keep it. maybe you should keep it at work so you can both have it. thats the fair thing to do. you looked down, smiling sadly at the little red heart on your hand.

he did want to keep it. but he had a better idea in mind. he looked down, smiling excitedly at the little black heart on his hand.

the next day when you arrived to work all your worries were solved. on your desk laid a new sketch book entitled:

"y/n and Spencer's super duper special sketchbook: volume ii"

you laughed as you read a small lilac post it note that said, "i want to keep this one please" signed with a little red heart in the corner.

-

-

ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @coffeereid-deactivated20210303 @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @s1utformgg @violetspoetic

[grippingbeskar]

The Element of Surprise | Chapter Seventeen

Part Seventeen: The Force

mando x fem!reader

word count: 7.9k

warnings: canon typical violence, description of injuries, mentions of blood

a/n: WOW i cant believe ive stuck with something this long - i think I only have like two chapters left?? i wanna do an epilogue too so plus that but I think just two omg! thx for reading u beautiful people

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You needed to change clothes.

When you scrambled out of the room you hardly got to spend 24 hours in, you didn’t even think of grabbing clothes. Your bag was sinking low on your back, straining your shoulders with the weight of whatever weapon you stuffed in there, though.

At least that was something.

Din left a strew of weapons around the Razor Crest, and you noticed how he stopped keeping his few personal items locked up the longer you spent around him. Now, he just dumps whatever he was carrying and knows it will be just as safe where he leaves it, because he trusts you. Your heart pulls at the mere thought of him.

You didn’t think that an emotional feeling could cause such a physical response, but you feel it everywhere - like you were being dragged underwater by it. You missed him - so much it made your mouth dry and your body cold. The only thing worse than the longing, though, was that you were worried about him. You know he can take care of himself, you’ve seen him in action enough to be sure, and he’s been doing this kind of thing alone for years before he ever met you - but it didn’t make the terrifying thoughts in your brain any less real, and did nothing to soothe the pit in your gut when you imagined who was after him. It was physically exhausting - trying to keep yourself somewhat composed enough to take care of the kid while simultaneously look for any sign your bounty hunter was still alive.

Your first thought was to make your way back to the ship - but after checking with the same mechanic you left it with, it was clear Din hadn’t so much as passed by. The mechanic remembered you - and the speed in which he ran away as soon as you took your leave told you he would have remembered seeing the Mandalorian.

So - you gather your information.

The ship was still here, meaning there was a very large possibility he was still on the planet. It would take an army to tie him down, so your mind isn’t convinced he would have been taken off world. There was still a few days before all the repairs on the Razor Crest would be finished, and you gave the mechanic your best puppy dog eyes to convince him to work as fast as possible. But - there was still at the very least 48 hours.

Anything could happen in 48 hours.

Ships continue to zip past as if nothing has happened. The planet still beats down in heat with its risen sun, people open up there stalls next to you preparing for yet another day, but time had stopped for you. It was the first time in months that you remembered what it was like to be truely on your own. A little hand came out the top of your bag and whacked you on the head again.

“You do that again and i’ll cut off.” You grumble and hear him squeak.

Okay, that was mean.

“Hey. I’m sorry, okay. I’m just scared, and stressed. I know you are too.” You feel him - not his little hand but his energy reaching out to you like that first time under the tree. You can see flashes of things - lights, planets you don’t recognise, faces and voices that don’t match. Moments that you remember and some that you dont, and they all blend together. You have to take a few steps to the side and lean against a wall, your head starting to pound at the intensity of his Force slamming into your brain.

Grogu is showing you something. He’s trying to share something but it’s all fuzzy. You can’t tell if it’s him not being clear or you not being focused. It’s all coming so fast - so you zero in on one. It’s the one that seems the strongest, holds your attention the most as it flashes past.

It’s one of Din - of course it would be.

You see the image come into view, clearer now that you have something to focus on. You remember this, remember this moment that plays in front of you. The background comes first, busy city and hot air surrounding you. Nevarro. Home of the Guild, he called it. You know this is your memory because you remember how you felt here.

You were angry with Din. Angry because he’d left you alone in the ship for hours after he…

Shaking the thought away you keep searching the memory, trying to keep concentration through all of the power surging through you. That’s when see another body come into view. Your hand felt cold, because it was resting on the knee of beskar armour, and you were sitting in a cantina. It was strange to see yourself - know that you were there but watch as if you were a stranger. You were sitting next to Din, and there was someone opposite the two of you.

Greef Karga.

He slides you a drink, you know it’s him because you remember he mentioned your father that day. He knew him. You listen to the voice - you see Kargas mouth moving, the words slightly out of sync as he spoke.

“I thought you might recognise him.” The holo gram. You remember why you were there in the first place - Din was picking up new bounties. Karga slides the puck closer to you, and you see yourself lean in as he continues to speak.

“Part of the crew that are responsible for your father’s untimely demise. Take it if you want, don’t if you don’t, but I had a feeling you might be the type interested in a little revenge.” A small burn comes to your throat as you stare at the face in the holo gram. It’s a face you would never forget - the face that belonged to the body of the man that slaughtered your people like they were nothing more than farm animals. The face that killed your father, tore apart your life and your family - destroyed everything. Your mind starts to fracture and you lose the memory for a second - Grogu’s urgency splicing you.

“I can’t - slow down, kid.” You hear him squirming around, and the memory plays again, a little cleaner now. The words sync up with his movements, and you can’t help but look at Din as he sits next to you, obscuring your body from view. You didn’t notice at the time, but every so often he would stare at the hand that hung around the back of your chair and then look away, as if he was contemplating where he should put it. You blink a few times as the memory continues.

“Take it if you want” Karga says. Dins hand comes up and slides the puck into his pocket. He took it. You completely forgot that he took it. You were mad at him after, too. The emotion rushes back and you stumble a little, leaning harder on the wall as it hits you all at once. You thought he didn’t trust you enough to take it on yourself. You argued with him, and then he told you why he refused to let you follow it. Why he wouldn’t follow it. You hear his voice in your head and you physically sink down the wall at the sound of it.

“Why give this to me now?” Memory-Din snaps your focus back in as he speaks to you. He knew Karga better than you, better than probably most because he was so damn observant, so he knew it wasn’t out of the kindness of his heart that Karga gave this tracking fob over, and that he made it a point to do it in front of you. “Something else at play.” His voice begins to fade out and you try your hardest to focus, to reel it back in, but soon your vision returns and the memories are gone, so too is the comfort of his voice. You stare at the opposite wall - it was almost the colour of beskar.

“Holy shit. That’s where he’s going?” Finally your mind comes back to you and you suck in a breath. Grogu just whacks you on the head again, as if he was trying to push you forward. You shake your head in disbelief. You don’t really know what to think right now. Most of you is happy - ecstatic even. You have direction, you know the kind of person chasing him. At least it’s not the empire.

But you couldn’t help the low burning in your stomach. You were a little angry. Not really - he was missing and there was nothing more important than finding him. But he made you feel like an idiot for even thinking about going after that bounty. He called it a trap, and now he had put himself in harms way on purpose.

For what reason - you had no idea. You would deal with that later, because there would be a later. You would have all the time in the world to argue with him and be mad at him, so long as you had him with you. The anger soon chips away, worry gnawing in your chest and Grogu whacks you on the head again.

“Okay! Okay, I get it. You have any more smart ideas about where I should try first?” You open your mind and instantly - as if the Force was just waiting for you to reach out, you know where you should go. You turned left, the beating sun interrupted as you walked by the flashes of ships that zipped past. You tried to clear your mind as best you could, but as you focused on your goal, it was impossible to get Din out of your head.

You’ve seen these guys take down entire groups of trained Jedi. Hell - they probably killed your father. He was strong in the Force, and a skilled fighter - so was everyone on your home planet, and they were slaughtered all the same.

Your mouth went dry again as you started to sweat. You turned right, and prayed to anyone listening that they would lead you to him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Maker, you missed him.

Just walking down these streets again, you remember when you arrived just a day ago. How easily time passed - too fast - just talking about nothing. You were really trying to focus on what you were doing - but you were so in your head that it was almost impossible to do anything but drown in your own stupid thoughts.

It’s been a few hours since you last tried the comm link, and you haven’t said a word out loud since - too absorbed in your own mind. Grogu has fallen asleep in your bag, and your glad he doesn’t have to be awake for this walk - you knew you probably weren’t that great company right now. You can’t help but imagine what would have happened to him if you hadn’t told Din to bring him in the room, if he hadn’t been sleeping right next to your head. Even if you had woken up a second later. The blaster in your bag feels a little heavier now you know you’d have to use it if they caught up to you again.

Eventually, the people bustling around you start to thin out, not because it gets later but because you start to reach the outskirts of the city. The buildings are far shorter and fewer between, less ships have been whizzing past as you walk further out. You only notice because of how hot it starts to get and you miss the occasional breeze of a speeder as they fly past. Tatooine is hot, but you had never maintained a connection to the Force this long on that planet, and it was taking its toll. It took focus and a lot of your energy to consistently find the right path, so at the first sign of a semi-safe spot out of the sun, you collapse on the side of the road.

There was a cutoff just past the end of the street, and a few crates stacked up sheltered you from any peering eyes. You also take note of the fence, and how it was small enough for you to get over but tall enough to buy you some time if you have to make an exit. This was the shit you had to think about back on Tatooine when you first arrived, before you found a little place. You slept on the streets for about three months, so it’s not the familiarity of the cool concrete beneath you that sends a slow shiver down your spine.

You had thought you’d never be out here again.

Since you met Din, you had dared to dream that these days might be behind you. He made you feel safe. Protected - like, how even though you knew you could, you wouldn’t have to fend for yourself any more. You would protect each other. You even missed how people slid out of your way when you were with him, the hustling city sending people flying into your shoulders and nearly knocking you down every few feet. You forgot what it was like to feel invisible, and you don’t like the taste.

The bag slides to your side and Grogu’s sleepy head pops out. Seeing his giant bug eyes makes you smile a little, feeling you back in.

“Hey, buddy. You doin’ okay in there?” He gurgles a sound and you think it means he’s happy, but doesn’t smile. You know he must be missing Din too. They’d spent a long time together before you. He jumps out of the bag into your lap. You were pretty tired - all that flying around in the ship has done nothing for your stamina. Maybe if you just rested here for a second….

It’s almost as if he knew. As soon as you closed your eyes, the comm link crackled static. Like it was turning on.

You move so fast Grogu screeches in your lap. The comm link was still in your ear - you were scared you would miss something if you put it down for even a second.

“Hello?!” You shout and whack at the side of your head. You lower your voice to say his name a couple times, and sink into the silence that follows. Nothing comes back, and you say more words, any words you can think of to fill it. He has to be there.

Waiting. Still static.

“Din?” you whisper, voice shaking.

Suddenly-

“Ge- outsi- ty. Co-“ That voice. His voice. How-

“Din! Shit - Din! Where are you?!” More static. A few blaster shots, you know what they sound like through the comms. Then -

“Get out of- city. I’ll find you.” A full clear sentence, only interspersed by what you can only describe as chaos crackling down the comms. You don’t have any time to question it.

“I am! Din, just tell me where you are! Please!” Grogu was wildly buzzing around on the floor, clearly hearing the same voice.

“I’ll find you.” The static comes back and then the line goes dead.

“Din! Hey!” You take the comm out of your ear for the first time in hours and try to turn the camera on. You don’t see the green light like last time, and no more static has buzzed.

He’s gone again.

“Din!” You said a little half hearted.

It was pointless. Maker, he could be anywhere on this planet being shot at and your sitting in some dumb alley feeling sorry for yourself. You put the comm back in your ear and bite your lip to try and not cry. You are so focused you nearly miss it.

“-always find you, cyar’ika.” His voice crackles through the static one final time before cutting off for good. Your heart swells. It’s been less than a day and you nearly forgot what that word sounded like coming from him. Even muffled, with a heaving breath in between it made you warm all over. You knew what it meant now - sweetheart. He knew exactly what you needed from miles and miles away and -

Oh god, you needed to move. Like, now.

“Come on, kid. Let’s get the fuck out of here.” You scoop him back up into your bag and swing it over your shoulder. You pull the blaster out before, though, and attach it to your hip.

Just in case.

You were tired as shit and your legs hurt, but he needed you, and hell if you weren’t going to get to him.

You let yourself focus. Stepping out onto the street, your eyes fluttered shut as the Force buzzed all around you. You needed calm, your emotions were through the roof right now. The only person who even seemed to allow you that peace, though, was Din

So you drilled into that. Him - his voice, the words he whispered in your ear he thought you were asleep. Helmet off and body warm behind you in a makeshift bed. The way he feels - his skin, every scar and where they were and how they feel under your hand. How he reacts when your lips drag over each part of him, the sounds he makes. You see him in your mind - and he’s helping. Guiding. Just like before you jumped out the window. Like he has all along. You turn right out of your little alley. You feel Dins hand, how surprisingly soft it was against your cheek that first time he touched you. How it lit a line of fire across your face, how he left your breathless from that one touch.

You turn left, catching yourself off guard. You were doing this. For him. For yourself.

You keep walking.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Eye spy with my little eye, something beginning with ‘S’.” Grogu squeaks out a little sound in answer, and you sigh in defeat. “Yup. Sand again. You are just too good at this.” He slinks back into the bag, shuffling around to get comfortable.

Lucky guess, considering all you’ve been able to see for the past few hours is god damn sand. Ever since the city disappeared into the horizon behind you, it’s gotten significantly darker, and you could only just make out the lights of ships passing the taller buildings as they sped home. You had been following your senses as best you could, sometimes just closing your eyes and letting your mind lead you completely, but doing it for this long was exhausting.

He told you to get out of the city - but you had no idea how far that was, nor did you have any idea where to go from here. Exactly - here. As in right where you were standing in this moment. It’s like your mind just went blank.

No matter how hard you tried, there was not even another hint of where to move from this exact spot. You were in the middle of the plains outside of the city. The only evidence of life was the glowing city in the distance.

You were so far from everything - why would your mind lead you here?

Doubt began to wash over you - how could it not?

You were walking around half blind on a foreign planet, under a shit tonne of stress trying to follow the vaguest of instructions that has now led you to the middle of nowhere. You spun around in your spot, waking Grogu with your movement, who finally popped his head out. His head spun around in excitement.

“Be my guest.” You mumble in defeat as he begins to wriggle around. You swing the back pack off your shoulders and gently place it on the ground in front of you. Grogu jumps out and begins to wander around aimlessly in front of you, and you slump onto the ground in exhaustion.

Everything hurt. Your head was pounding from how hard you had to concentrate all day - trying to follow your own intuition was something that did not come naturally to you, years of suppressing your abilities have clearly made it hard to maintain. That paired with the overwhelming power of Grogu’s intensity earlier, you didn’t care how dirty the ground was, you could sleep right here if you weren’t so god damn terrified for Din.

As soon as you think of him, Grogu squeaks. You turn your head and struggle to see him at first in the dimming light. He’s gotten further away than you thought, your mind starting to faulter in your exhaustion, so you grab your bag and hurry over to him, adjusting the blaster on your hip. As you go to move, you nearly stumble over, feeling light headed.

No - just a little longer.

He’s waddling around in a circle, kicking at the sand as if he’s found something you don’t see.

“Sand, bud. Plenty of it.” You kick at the pile next to your foot, and the scrape of your boots against something hard makes you stop. Dropping to your knees you can feel the difference underneath you. Oh.

It’s metal. Like the floor of the Razor Crest. Hard and unnatural in the terrain.

Swiping at the dirt and sand, more and more metal is revealed under the dying light. You would have missed it completely if it wasn’t for the kid - you expose as much of it as you can from your spot. After a while, hinges and ridges are slowly revealed.

Silver reflects back at you, and you twist your body on the spot to fully examine the space. Not big enough for more than two people to fit side by side. -

Its a trap door.

Or maybe just a door. More like a hatch. There’s a handle, so you pull it.

It’s locked.

Of course it’s locked.

“You are so smart, kid. Think you can pull this open for us?” Grogu had ten times the strength you did, so if anyone was going to be able to open this door, it was him - and you would help. As much as your exhausted brain could.

It took all of your concentration as Grogu waddled over next you to even focus on the surface. You ran your hands over the hinges - reinforced metal. You shuffle back, knees aching as you slide off the centre of the hatch. You and Grogu used your combined strength, beginning to pull the trap door upwards.

You tried to focus - calm your breathing. You thought of Din, how he needed you now, needed you to focus and just push a little bit longer even though your head was throbbing and every muscle in your body was screaming at you to stop. You were starting to shake. You knew you were pushing yourself further than you should - but you needed this. Needed to find where he was and if you just looked a little harder for a little longer you could -

“I’ve been looking for you, girl.”

Your eyes shot open at the feeling of the end of a blaster being pressed into the flesh of your neck.

Fuck.

You were so concentrated on the hatch. On finding your way. You were followed - and you didn’t even realise.

The blaster pressed harder to the back of your neck. Your own pressed into your thigh. The kid waddled in front of you and one hand shot out to bring him closer to you. The other inched a little closer to the blaster. Just an inch -

“One more move and you lose your head.” You felt him step closer. Everything was on high alert. You suddenly felt strong.

No pain.

Adrenaline. Powerful shit.

You could hear your own heartbeat. Grogu’s heartbeat. Both were fast.

Unlike whoever was behind you.

He was deadly calm.

You heard the click of the gun. You closed your eyes.

He wouldn’t shoot. You don’t know why you knew - but he wouldn’t shoot. The gun will not go off, and he wouldn’t pull the trigger. That’s why he was so calm. He knew he was just here to intimidate, which meant he probably had back up somewhere. Your eyes flicked to the side and Grogu squeaked in your arm as you saw a quick flash of metal. Another man appeared to your right, then another to your left. The one on the left had his gun raised, and his heart rate was elevated slightly. If anyone was going to shoot, it would be this guy.

“Toss the gun.” You don’t move - just monitor. Trying to gauge how much you can get away with right now. If it was just you, you probably would have made a move already. It was dark so you had cover, and you knew with all this adrenaline you could run far enough into the outskirts - but the kid. You couldn’t trust yourself to keep him safe as well. You were outnumbered and weighed down. “Toss the gun, or my friend isn’t gonna be so nice to your little womp rat here.”

The guy on the left clicked his gun. He would shoot if you didn’t do what he said. The gun on your neck was still pressing painfully tight. You toss your gun just out of reach.

“There’s a good girl. Just like your daddy.” Your eyes goes wide and you don’t hold back as you whirl around - but it’s too late.

The butt of the gun whacks you straight in the face as you spin, and the world goes black.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

You suck in a huge breath.

It felt like someone was standing on your chest. When you sucked in more oxygen a sharp pain shot up your right side. He kicked you - you think.

The butt of the gun knocked you out cold, but you had moments of clarity; throwing your body around in desperation. You hoped you at least got a few good hits in - they certainly did.

You could feel the dried blood across your brow, and your ribs had to at least be seriously bruised. Your knuckles were sore, and the ropes around your wrists were burning against your skin. You sucked in another breath, spluttering against the pain as you let it out, trying to collect yourself.

You were tied to some kind of metal ring on a concrete wall. The entire room was a dark grey, and there was a toilet in the corner that looked like it hadn’t been touched in this lifetime. Apart from the gated door, small slates only just allowing light into the room from the hallway, the room was bare.

Bare.

The kid - Fuck!

You suddenly remembered where you were - what was happening. Instantly you were thrashing against the rope - desperation fuelling your movements. How long had you been out? Maker - if they had the kid -

You knew what they did to Jedi.

Oh god - you were going to be sick. Maybe if you could just focus. Calm your mind.

You can find him.

You were still pulling at the ropes, but you let your eyes close, squeezing them tightly together to block out the room. You tried to channel that energy that led you to the hatch in the desert.

Grogu - you called in your mind. You had no idea if this would work. You didn’t have any hope of reaching someone without the Force, but Grogu was strong. Maybe if you stuck your hand out he could do the rest. Hell, you trained him. You knew he could.

Grogu - you could hear footsteps approaching from the hallway. Boots on pavement. You knew the sound. They were - troopers? It sounded like heavy armour, similar to beskar but not quite. These guys weren’t empire though, where they?

Grogu! Your mind flashes white, and you pull against the rope in surprise when you here him. A squeak followed by him saying your name. He was safe. You don’t know how you knew it because he didn’t say anything except your name, but you knew he was safe. He was calm - hidden somewhere. Thank the Maker he got away. Was he down here somewhere? Had he found Din? There has to be a way to get out of these stupid ropes.

You tug against them again and hiss in pain as you feel the rope rip your skin, blood seeping down your wrist.

The door swings open, bright lights flashing over your eyes.

It takes you a second to see the figures clearly. But when your eyes adjust, you would know them anywhere.

Stormtroopers.

Stark white armour, the two troopers already have guns drawn. One steps forward and presses the hilt into your stomach and you wince, face screwing up. You swear the second trooper flinches as he turns to shut the door, locking you in with the both of them.

“No tricks, Jedi. Your surrounded.” The troopers low drawl makes your eyes open again. Your hand slips a little in the rope, and you think now it’s cut into your skin the blood around your wrist has made it easier to slip out. You need to be subtle. The second trooper stays back a little - lurking in the darker corner like he’s waiting for something, and you think you would rather he just punch you in the face. It would be less intimidating.

You need to buy yourself some time.

“Surrounded? What, by you two?” You scoff and twitch your body, trying to move the gun off the bruised side of your ribs. With the movement your hand slips a little further out.

“There’s more where we come from, kid. If I don’t bring you up, someone else will. Or they will just shoot you where you stand. Maybe I will.” He presses harder. Why hasn’t he made a move to untie you?

“You couldn’t make the shot with your gun taped to my head.” You hear the second trooper cough a little, and the one in front of you punches you square in the face. Your eyebrow begins to bleed again and everything goes a little fuzzy.

“I’ll teach you to disrespect the em-“ The trooper is cut off by a single shot.

To his head.

The blaster from the second trooper is still aimed and smoking, and your vision focuses enough to watch him place another perfect shot in the exact same place through his skull after he fell to the floor, confirming his kill.

Your hands slip from the rope and you move.

You catch him off guard, slamming your shoulder into his stomach. The air is sucked out of him as he crumpled to the ground, and you drop on top of him in the same second.

The blaster from the first trooper lays discarded on the ground, and you use your last remain strength to Force-pull it into your hand, aiming it right between the eyes in his helmet.

You can feel his deep breathing as you sit on his chest, his hands coming palm up beside his head in surrender as your knees keep his biceps pinned to the ground.

Two hands hold the gun to his head, and your half tempted to rip the helmet off him and press it into his skull - just to make sure. Your hands shake slightly but you have enough strength to hold him down. He doesn’t say anything, though. Just sits there with his hands up - staring silently as you both catch your breath.

“The door. You’re gonna open it.” Your head tilts towards the locked exit, and the light streams perfectly over his helmet so you can see him tilt his head to the side - almost like he’s confused.

“The door.”

He lets out a strong breath and you rise up a little higher.

Was he-

laughing at you?

No. He only did it the once. Maybe he’s winded - you did hit him with everything you had.

You click the blaster into place. His head straightens. You don’t know what this guys deal is. He just killed his partner and now he’s sitting underneath you - saying nothing to justify his actions nor save himself. It’s almost as if -

“So demanding, cyar’ika.“

You nearly melt into the floor when you hear his voice. All the air leaves you and you can’t say anything. Dumbfounded. Confused. Was he-

“I told you I would find you.”

“Holy f-fuck. Din.” You flop onto him, discarding the blaster next to your bodies as he sits up and curls your body against him. Relief is the only thing you can feel as he holds you tight - so tight your ribs ache but you don’t fucking care because he was right here. You found him - he found you. It doesn’t matter because he’s here and you almost shot him for a third time - “You fucking asshole.”

It’s halfhearted at best, the insult coming out in a broken voice as he buries the stormtrooper helmet into your neck. The armour feels foreign against your skin but you grasp at any part of it to have him closer.

He was here.

You don’t know how long you sit there, your legs wrapped around his back pressing your entire front against him. His arms twist so far around you they almost meet twice, and he doesn’t move his face from your neck as you feel him breathing hard - harder than normal.

You pull back, staring into the white trooper mask and holding it with your hands.

“Are you hurt? Is everything - Grogu? We need to find him I-“

“He’s okay.” His voice cracks. The voice isn’t as modulated through the trooper mask - it sounds a little more mechanical, but you would know it anywhere. You just nod at him and press your forehead to the mask.

“Are you okay?” You whisper, not wanting to crack this moment.

“I am now.” You can’t help it - you grin at him and try to get him closer to you, pull the helmet closer. It doesn’t look like him but it’s him. There’s less protection around his neck so when your hands link behind him, you can feel every muscle relax under your touch.

“Din - I was so scared. I thought you - they came. To the house when you left. I had to run.” He nods and his own hands mimic yours, gloves cupping your cheeks and pulling your face impossibly closer. If he wasn’t wearing the helmet you would be kissing him.

“I know, baby. I - the guy who put us up. He sold you out. Apparently these guys have been paying some people in high volume places to keep an eye out for potential hits.” Fucking asshole. He swallows, and tries to continue. “I never should have left - this whole thing is my fault. I put you in danger, the kid as well I-“

“No. Din, please. This is not your fault. Let’s do this later. You’re here. I’m here. Kids here, somewhere. That’s all we need.” As much as you want to know what the hell is going on here - you need to go. The dead trooper wasn’t wrong when he said others were coming. You could hear another pair of footsteps descending stairs in the distance.

Din doesn’t let go of your face for a second.

“I will never put you in danger again. I - the - I love you. You are too - I’m sorry.”

“I love you. Do this later.” You mumble into his helmet and he scoops you up, legs finally unfolding to stand on your own.

“Your arms.” You are still so close that he doesn’t have to reach out to examine the damage. Your wrists were raw and there were some tracks of blood running down. They hurt, for sure, but nothing serious. It wasn’t until you took a step that you realised how bad your ribs were hurting. “Don’t move.”

His hands - so gentle in comparison to what they just did, lift up your shirt. You look down and see the dark purple bruise coming up most of your side. Both of you wince at the sight in unison, and you are the one that has to push your shirt down, because Din hasnt taken his eyes of the evidence, only moving when your hands link with his.

A feather light touch on your forehead causes you to flinch on instinct, but only for a second before you lean into Dins hand, not caring if it hurts. You want to feel him - to know he’s still there. It doesn’t feel real, for him to just be here.

But he always said he would find you.

“I have an idea, cyar’ika. You just have to stay very still.” He whispers into your ear, and it sends a shiver down your spine. Even here, he overtakes every rational thought. You just nod, exhaustion overwhelming you as he scoops you into his arms. “This doesn’t hurt?”

Shaking your head, you can feel the vibration of his words through his chest, the trooper armour significantly thinner as he lifts you into his arms, legs dangling in the air. It feels so good to be off your feet - finally - the aches in your legs almost disappear for a second. The door unlocks and you feel yourself change directions, and suddenly it gets light behind your closed eyes. Only one of Dins arms supports your weight under your upper thighs, the other free to execute his plan, whatever that is.

You hear the footsteps coming closer and your instinct tells you to run - or fight, but you just stay very still, trusting Din to lead the way. Your head rested against his chest and you could hear his heart beat. Proof he was alive and there.

“You should of seen him. Bane went ballistic when they said he couldn’t have it. Shot up the whole cantina.” A trooper speaks from the end of the corridor, and you feel Din turn to the left. “Hey! What are you doing?”

He freezes for a second, and then turns.

“Captains orders. She’s to be brought to the front.” Din repeats, his voice perfectly calm and monotone - just like a stormtrooper. It made you shiver a little.

“This is her?” You feel the figure step closer to you and you resist the urge to hold your breath. You were faking being passed out, not dead. Din must nod his head, because the trooper just scoffs. “Put up more of a fight on the way in. Doesn’t look like much now.”

Don’t react. Don’t react. You feel the energy radiating around you, and the light above you goes out.

“Uh - we have to - keep moving, trooper.”

“Yep. Move along.” Both troopers begin to rush past you, chasing the lights that haven’t gone out above them. Lucky that your head is buried into Dins neck or they would probably see your smile. You know Din can tell it was you.

“Nice touch.” You exhale once, but even the small movement and expel of your energy has your heart rate slowing. “Rest, cyar’ika. I’ll get you out of here.”

You do. You close your eyes and forget everything except Dins arm wrapped around you. How he’s holding you so tightly - like he’s forgotten how to do it and he needs to learn the shape of you by moulding it to him. You take every second of it, and pretty soon you think you fall asleep.

That is, until, you start to move. Fast. Wind starts to whip past your ear and everything around you is blurry when your eyes tear open.

“D-“ You go to say his name, but you see troopers. 

Lots of them. 

“What’s happening?”

“Kids through here. I need you to grab him and move. There will be a door on the left, go through it. I’ll- i’ll come to you.” He puts you down in a small corridor, and suddenly there’s a small door in front of you. He takes a step back and you grab his arm.

“No. We stay together.” Boots come up the stairs. You don’t know what happened but there’s red flashes lighting up your current hiding place. Alarms blaring. That must be what woke you.

“We - No, you have to go.”

“I’m not leaving you alone. There’s too many of them.” There must be dozens of them. They are getting closer, monotone shouts of orders echo at the end of the hallway.

“You have to go.” You just shake your head.

You just got him back. There wasn’t a chance in hell you were leaving him here. He takes a step back and you match it forward.

“I’m not leaving.”

“You are hurt. The kid needs you. I - I need you to be safe. I’ve done enough.” His voice cracks again. Sure, you get the need to protect you, he’s been doing that ever since you met him, but he’s going to get himself killed.

“You aren’t alone. We can do this together, okay?” He doesn’t say anything. Instead, you see the helmet look up a little to the door behind you. “Let us help you. Don’t leave - don’t leave me again.”

Maybe that was harsh - when you got a chance you know he would explain all this. Whatever it was, but it still did the trick. He looks back down at you, and even though he’s a little harder to read in this new helmet, you know he’s listening.

“Where’s your armour?” His head flicks towards the door and you pull him inside, shutting it behind you. You hear the troopers turn towards the sound. It won’t hold them long. “Where’s the kid?”

Instantly a little squeak comes from the corner, and Grogu waddles out, dragging something behind him. Your bag.

“You little genius.” You kneel down and you know you don’t have time but god - you were more worried that you realised. Here he was, both of them. 

Safe.

The door bangs with the force of troopers slamming into it. You unzip your bag. The blaster you had in your hip is gone, and they’ve taken your other weapon. Din had half his armour on in seconds, and when he turned to face you, beskar helmet back on his head. You look down at your empty hands - you have nothing to fight with except you. Grogu quickly waddles over to Din and squeals in excitement. You would have to be enough. 

This whole time it felt like he was protecting you - from what, you weren’t sure. Maybe that’s why he left you in that house, he thought he was protecting you from all this. But the truth is that you’ve been in danger the minute you chose to run all those years ago, leave you life behind, and it was only a matter of time before it caught up with you.

Whether Din was chasing this bounty for you or not, you were on this planet and they would never stop coming - you would never stop endangering the only two people you loved if you didn’t end this here. It couldn’t follow you any longer. Grogu’s little hand grabs onto your ankle, and he looks up at you. He would never be safe with you.

Not unless you did this. Now.

You were tired. Your rib cage was bruised to hell and your entire body was sore, but you felt it all around you. The energy - a life force in every part of this place. You recognised it - welcomed it as a friend instead of using it as a weapon, moulding it into something it was meant for, and it felt familiar. Safe. Warm. It was meant to protect and defend. To balance. You looked at Din, and he replaced his gloves and started attaching the copious amounts of weapons to his armour. 

He had enough enemies, you wouldn’t drag your own onto his door step.

You were tired - but right now you never felt more alive. 

Powerful.

The door flung open, and three stormtroopers burst into the room at the same time. Weapons drawn, they were firing the moment they stepped through the archway.

You braced for impact, Din’s weapons drawn faster than you could comprehend.

Except nothing came.

You didn’t realised you had your eyes closed. The click of blasters filled the room, but no shots were fired. Your eyes opened.

Red blaster shots. They were there, of course they were. Troopers were trained to kill on sight. Surely there shots were not this off target - you had heard stories…

No, the shots were on target. You knew because there was a small, red flame hanging just above your eye level. A shot that would have been a direct hit on Dins armour had you not stopped it.

You..

Stopped it.

In mid air.

All of them, actually. Every single shot fired was floating in the air, even Din’s. You could feel them. Count them in the order they were let off. Grogu was still wrapped around your ankle, you could feel his Force low and strong on the floor under you. Waiting. It wasn’t him, this was all you.

Your father would be proud.

Din says your name, and you don’t turn, afraid you’ll drop your focus. Somehow though, knowing how close he is to you, that he’s right there with you makes you feel sure that you won’t drop. Won’t lose focus. It’s almost… easy.

You turn the shots and send them in reverse, dropping the three storm troopers before you can blink.

You don’t know what to say. Clearly Din doesn’t either, because he just moves in front of you and stares. 

“You aren’t leaving me again.”

“I’m not leaving you.” Din says lowly, and swallows before he nods and leans out the doorway. “Seventeen of them. You think - think you can do it, that, again?”

You nod once; confident.

“If I could kiss you right now, I would.” You have to smile at that - the thought of him under that helmet. “Just so you know.”

You scoop up the kid in one hand, and it’s with that movement you realise it doesn’t hurt to move. Your ribs… they were fine. You felt fantastic - better than normal, actually. Grogu clung to your side, head dropping like he did when he was about to fall asleep. Though he only looked this tired after a training session. Had he…

“He healed me.” Din moves closer and lifts up your shirt, though he could have just looked at your now healed wrists. It sent goosebumps up your skin when his gloved finger traced a line along the now healed area. Completely healed, no bruising, nothing. No wonder you felt incredible. You brought him up to your face and hugged him closer. “You are so good. So good, little bug. I’m gonna get you all the lizards you can eat I swear.”

Grogu giggles in your arms and climbs over your shoulder into the pack you put on your back. Dins hand comes up to touch your face, drag a line across your cheek bone.

Just like the first time.

You both step out, seeing the troopers reinforcements, and this time you stand in front of him.

—————————

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[tera-91]

Mid-April thoughts

I didn’t mean to take a pause in posting. My thoughts have been a jumble lately.

My pup will need to have surgery so ive been working extra hours so that I can work less during the healing process. It sucks but I would rather go through with it now than the little cuddle bug be in discomfort. Poor thing has had some rough luck in the knee genetics department.

I have also been contemplating a job change but I would have to go to school for it. So Ive been dealing with checking out everything that I need to do for that. I think if I can be patient, which for me is kind of difficult, it would be a really good thing cuz I could potentially basically make in a day what I currently do in a week. It would definitely make things easier for me. But I wont be able to complete it for a few years. So I don’t know exactly what to do with my time between now and when I would be able to start taking courses.

Another jumbled thought I have is should I take advantage of the down time to try to pursue some side quests to make a little extra here and there to build it up so that I can quit my job while I go through school. I will have to be a three quarter to full time student while doing it so working and school might be a little bit of a juggling act. Also as bad as it might sound, I would rather do side quests than my actual job. I know that for most jobs dealing with people can be completely unavoided and there are jobs where it can be which would be a plus but I just get drained both mentally and physically dealing with people.

Other things have been good though.

I think I have figured out a way around some issues I was having with my videos. I just need to be able to spend some time to edit those so that I can post them. I have a pretty decent bank of them so I can spend time with my fluff ball to make sure healing goes well.

Writing I think is going good but also having a bit of a block. While I know I said I was probably going to take a break on sanders side stories, I somehow have 3 I’ve been working on. Maybe because I feel like I resonate with Virgil so its easier to write something with him verses starting something else. I can get anywhere from 300-500 words before my brain just halts and I cant figure out where to take it. I have an idea of the beginning but the further into it the murkier it gets and I don’t know where I want to take it. Part of me wants to go a fluff route but also writing is a bit of an emotional outlet for me. So part of me wants to just follow whatever emotion I have going at the time. Whether it be anger, frustration, etc but when I take a step back to review and edit I have hesitations. I know angst is a category and an option to post but at the same time I want what I create to be an escape for someone. Would that be helpful to others to read that or could it not be.

I guess anything could be helpful to anyone. Just a little bit of internal struggle. Maybe that is what is causing the block. Also I think I have a slight hesitation to post anything short after posting 2000-3000+ stories in the past. Even my word salads have been decently long. Also I get easily distracted or something just takes longer than I think it should and I get discouraged.

I hope everyone is having a good April. The weather is finally warming up but I think it has gone a bit too far. Gone from cold straight to HOT. I was hoping to have a little more slightly warm days so that way I could spend some time hanging outside and get back into painting. Or even just to enjoy nature for more than 15, maybe 20 minutes if Im lucky before it gets too hot out there. After I post this I might go try to enjoy as much time I can tolerate in the heat. I got some good nature photos the last time I went outside with my camera. Sometimes I contemplate if I should post them on here or maybe make an Instagram account and post them on there.

[discount-romantic]

Imagine Childe...

Coming home when you least expect it.

Warnings: vindictive reader pov, personal vent piece

"Welcome home." Childe's voice is less than cheery. The feux friendliness has given way to what almost sounds like...disappointment.

It's an hour before sunrise. The time you usually slip into bed after a night doing guild commissions rather than sleeping. You only lay down for a few hours, sleeping in fits and feeling restless.

"Childe!" You jump what feels like ten feet off the floor of your home's entryway. "I thought- hah...."

His visit home was supposed to take longer than this. At least, thats what he led you to believe. You feel guilty for wishing it had taken longer. That way he wouldn't have found out about your late night work this way. So far you'd evaded detection by the fatui agents he tasked with watching you, but that was mostly by using the translocation beacons and archon statues. Also by knowing when the watchers had a shift change, and sneaking back in when it happened.

Childe is still dressed in his travel attire, so maybe he hasn't waited long. Hopefully.

"I must have just missed you leaving earlier in the night, if you've been home at all today?" He takes a few steps closer in a way that would feel threatening if his mouth weren't stuck in a worried frown. "The agents tell me that nobody has come in or out since yesterday afternoon."

You hum, and stare. Two can dance to this tune. He wants to know what you'll tell him without poking and prodding.

The answer is nothing. Feeling like shit since he left for his homeland was almost a given; you'd become used to his presence at your side. Lying in bed, getting lunch, walking the market. Being alone suddenly was jarring in all the wrong ways. You hated it. Hated yourself for being so attached at the hip to Childe.

And fighting before he left hadn't helped anything, that's for sure. It was about what he does and doesn't tell you. What information he withholds and why. Even important, time sensitive things...like going away for an indefinite amount of time. He told you that in the morning, and left the same afternoon.

So you spent all that time burying yourself in work. Any work. Cleaning, commissions, even helping Zhongli with whatever odds and ends he needed dealt with. A routine was formed. Work, work harder, work more, and then collapse. Repeat steps. It kept your mind busy, and that was enough.

"Care to tell me what you've been up to while I was away?" Childe's arms cross loosely.

So he wants to know? After no contact, messages, or letters for three months he finally wants to know how you're doing? After being trailed by agents that wont or cant tell you his status?

"No."

He blinks, eyebrows furrowing. "Try again, my love."

Your head tilts to the side, "I said no."

"You're...more upset with me than I thought you'd be." You can see his grip tighten on his crossed arms. You know it's not anger, it's worry.

But a very awful part of you is present. Cruel and tired. Full of animosity and willing to lash out at anything or anyone. "Maybe."

"Cuddle time? Cuddles always make you feel better." Childe's tone has shifted to vague, but present, optimism. "Or since it's so early we could cook breakfast together."

Your chest feels like it's about to burst. You hate yourself. You hate this. You hate that your own desire to self destruct is going to hurt Childe. Because if you were feeling rational, feeling normal, you would be so happy that he's home.

Instead all you want is to go back to work and forget about the feeling in your gut that makes you want to rip yourself apart in the most literal way.

"I missed you," Childe's tone is tentative, "Teucer asked how you are."

It doesn't feel like you've blinked in a solid minute, "That's nice."

His face changes in a way you can't describe. "Stop. We both know what you're doing. You're trying to hurt me so I go away and leave you to hurt yourself. I'm not leaving."

"You should." That doesn't change anything. If you really, really wanted to go, you could. It would mean Childe finding out about your use of the translocation statues, but you could go. Maybe he'll just let you walk out. It's worth a try, so you spin on heel and head for the door.

He lunges forward more quickly than you can react in such an exhausted state, and heaves you over his shoulder. "We're going to talk this out."

Suuure you are. As though you didn't go limp the second he touched you. As though you plan to say anything at all. From the direction he turned, you can tell he's heading to the bedroom.

He drops you on your feet for only a moment before dragging your uncaring body into a different position. Sitting on the floor between his bent up knees, back pressed into his chest to feel his heart thrumming steadily in beautiful rhythm.

Childe's hands are already starting to wander. Running a thumb over your jawline, massaging circles into your aching temples. He gently ghosts delicate touches over bruises from the comission work, placing a chaste kiss against the back of your neck as if that would heal you.

That awful part of you wants to scream, struggle, fight. Show the pain you feel at being near abandoned for three months, not knowing when or even if your lover was coming back. After all...fatui business is dangerous. He said he would be back, but there was no true way to be sure.

But a fight would almost be more relieving to him than this silence, you're sure. Combat is what he excels in, and where Childe feels at home. At least if you tried to run away he would know what to do. This is better. Let him suffer.

So you lay against him like a ragdoll, letting his hands roam to try and comfort you. A futile endeavor.

"I...I'm sorry." He sounds more vulnerable than you've ever known him to be. "I'm sorry, please stay.

"Chiushka." The soft form of his name sighs its way out of your mouth, "I am upset, and I don't have the capacity to express how hurt I am, but I still love you."

Childe curls around your body, holding you tight and squeezing.

"You are my darling Chiushka, and I will always be waiting for you to come home." You set your hand on his, and worry your thumb over his rough knuckles. "I'm wounded, I'm upset, and I want to make you feel even a fraction of my agony...but I won't."

His forehead buries itself in the crook of your neck, "Forgive me?"

"I will. All things in time, my darling Chiushka."