#i feel like im not explaining it thoroughly enough

[lollytea]

Okay okay okay so my thoughts are a little jumbled right now so I'm not very coherent but I need to blabber about this one element of huntlow in For the Future that's got me going off the rails. It's the way in which they both take initiative in their interactions with each other, specifically how it differs with both Willow and Hunter.

There's a bit of a vibe in a lot of huntlow content that puts emphasis on Willow's confidence and Hunter's shyness, so she's the one who talks, who flirts, who acts, who gets the ball rolling. Meanwhile, Hunter clearly reciprocates and enjoys her attention but allows her to take the lead, rather than initiate anything himself. And this interpretation is perfectly fine. It's cute!! And Thanks to Them kinda gave us the impression that it wouldn't be that unlikely.

But the scenes involving them in For the Future were SO good. As an interesting subversion of the point above, it's actually Willow who's become the more uncertain one in their dynamic. As a contrast to how she comforts Gus when he tears up, Willow is rather hands-off when it comes to Hunter. It's likely because she understands that what he needs right now is space to process his grief, but in addition to that, she might be at a complete loss on how to help him. Because what could she possibly say? Willow can promise Gus that she'll find his Dad, she can assure Camila that things with Luz will be alright, but she can't bring Flapjack back. And even at this point in the episode, this may have been adding to her steadily escalating feelings of stress and helplessness. ("I can't help my friends...")

Willow feels like she keeps fucking up when it comes to Hunter. When she allowed herself that brief moment of childish indulgence by being silly with the plants, which resulted in Hunter snapping at her? Oh the way her smile dropped and she looked utterly devastated. She must have felt so guilty, so ashamed, so frustrated with herself for being so stupid and goofing off when her friend was severely hurting. And it's not like he was wrong for saying they didn't have time for this. But in typical Willow fashion, she shoved those feelings down and put on a smile for Gus.

There's no implication of it but I wonder if she also felt like an idiot for letting her emotions get the better of her when she saw that puppet of her Dad. She put herself in harm's way, forcing Hunter to charge after her and pull her to safety. Do you think she wonders if he was annoyed by that? Maybe that was eating away at her too. She's trying to be level-headed and reliable but it seems like she keeps slipping up. And Hunter is always there to witness it.

Of course, Willow didn't stop trying. Though she may have felt a bit rejected and disliked by him at the time, Willow still made the effort to look out for Hunter in any way that she could. She suggested they go outside and keep him company while he was pacing himself into the ground. And later on, she lit up with delight when she found something that she believed would comfort him.

And then she expressed, in her typical warm Willowy way, that they loved him unconditionally. She didn't have the perfect words to make everything okay. She was just being herself. Willow took a chance with this boy she didn't know how to help and simply said what she felt, hoping it would give him some semblance of solace.

But being herself wasn't good enough. At least not in Willow's eyes. She already had fragile confidence in regards to Hunter's current opinion of her but ohhhh the deafening silence that followed after she had bared her heart to him. The way she brought him to tears, leading her to believe she had rubbed salt in the wound. The way Luz had to gently intervene to make sure he was alright and Willow felt like sinking into the floor. How Hunter's quiet little "I....don't know..." speared her through. All of those things pushing her to her breaking point. She's made everything worse. Because that's what Half-a-Witch Willow does.

Hunter's perceived opinion of her is utterly deteriorating Willow's self confidence and it's the thing that results in her self loathing inflicted descent into thorny vines. She's in denial at first, still struggling to hold it together, still insisting that she can grasp hold of some facade. The pitchy and nervous tone of voice as Hunter appears on the scene and she desperately feigns nonchalance. She knows deep down that her magic is spiralling out of control but she cannot let him know. She cannot let him see her like this. And with this added anxiety of Hunter's presence, the vines only get worse.

Meanwhile, when it comes to Hunter, he is not idle by any means. He takes a proactive role in almost all of his significant moments with Willow.

Obviously, Hunter is a protector. He shields his friends from physical harm. He's especially paranoid about them getting hurt now after what happened to Flapjack because he can't lose them too. This paranoia, in addition to his overwhelming grief and recent trauma, has made Hunter high strung and irritable. Keeping his friends alive is his priority right now. Because of this, their emotional needs and how his snappish behavior is affecting them, is understandably the furthest thing from his mind.

But once he realizes that he's hurt Willow's feelings? Oh he looks completely shattered. The way Gus runs out the door to find her and Hunter murmurs "Wait..." before he rushes after both of them, calling out their names, begging for them to come back. There's none of the hesitation that Willow demonstrates with him, only loud desperation. What does he even intend to say to Willow? Who knows. Honestly, I don't think Hunter knows either. But it's not about that. It doesn't matter if Hunter has no idea what he's gonna say once he catches up with her. What matters is that he's running after her at all. He knows one thing and it's that he has to do something.

And that's what Hunter continues to do from that point. Something.

When he finds her tangled up in her own vines, mentally and emotionally unraveling, Gus hanging in distress above their heads, he's immediately asking her to explain, concerned and alarmed. When Willow's feigned cheerful demeanour shows its cracks and the vines start to ensnare Hunter, the last thing he does before he's fully bound is take a step towards the obviously overwhelmed and frightened Willow and try to reach out for her. Again, what was he planning to do? What was he gonna say? He probably had no idea. His actions were likely instinctive. But the fact that trying to provide some form of comfort to Willow was an instinctive response from him speaks volumes about their relationship. He's not going to stand around and do nothing while she's upset. Even if he's bad with words and emotions, he's always gonna try. She's worth trying for.

Cannot stress this enough but by the time her vines begin to consume her, Willow has probably convinced herself that Hunter's high regard for her has completely plummeted. Because why wouldn't it? This is, without a doubt, Willow at her most pathetic. But during this moment of complete wretchedness and self destruction, Hunter is the one who acts.

He bursts out of the vines and bundles her up in his arms. His hands press down on her shoulders and he frantically assures her that she's not to blame for any of this and she didn't ruin anything. He eases her anxieties by vocally expressing just how much he cares about her. He begs her not to be so mean to herself. And then, with desolate eyes and a soft gentle voice, he asks if she's been holding all this in the whole time.

He wants an answer. He wants her to talk to him. He wants her to tell him what's wrong so he can try to help. He wants to listen. And he's taking the initiative to get there.

And Willow's completely stunned face upon hearing all of this shows just how overgrown her insecurities had become, leading her to become entangled in the worst possible conclusion. She was now receieving affection and loving words from none other than the boy who she fully believed had lost patience with her for constantly messing everything up. The way the first tears pricked and her mouth wobbled when that soft gentle voice expressed concern for her, seconds before the dam inevitably burst. It was all a little too much for her I think.

Also can I talk about the little finger link?? I've been dying to talk about the little finger link!!!!

Everything about how that scene is executed is so sweet to me. Willow, though she's a lot more reassured over where she stands with Hunter, is still a little unsure on how to approach this. She doesn't hold his whole hand. No, that might be a bit much. For both Hunter and herself. Let's start smaller. Less nerve racking.

Of course, if she's still so hesitant, she doesn't have to touch him at all. But she wants to. She really wants to have physical contact with him in some capacity right now, even if it's as tentative as could be. In holding his hand, Willow would be making a rather bold statement. But in linking pinkies, it's more like she's asking a question. Is this okay?

She's clearly a bit unsure. Noticeably not looking at the touch, eyes locked on her feet before she speaks. But as unsure as it is, I think she's pretty brave for doing it at all.

What gets me is that what Hunter said left such an impact on her that she was compelled to thank him. She was grateful to be told that she didn't ruin everything. She had wanted to be told that she meant something to him. Even though she wasn't aware of it, she's realized that hearing those words took a huge weight off her chest. Willow could breathe again. She could see him a little clearer now. And she would like to tell him just how much those words meant to her. Just how much he meant to her.

This is the moment where Hunter silently answers Willow's question. He's choked up, he's nervous, he's overwhelmed, but in spite of all that, he still takes initiative.

In linking their pinkies, Willow is asking Is this okay?

And when Hunter deliberately presses the back of his hand against hers, he's answering her question. It's more than okay.

Anyway Hunter being proactive in almost all of the huntlow scenes, Willow being the more nervous one between them, neither getting to the point they've gotten to if they didn't each take the lead at different moments. It was all so good.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

call my name and i’ll come running ; satoru gojo

synopsis; satoru can be irritating, at times. but even if you push him away, he’ll always, always be there for you when you need him.

word count; 8.7k (this was supposed to b a short drabble but i was possessed by the devil halfway through)

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, reader n toru have a fight, mild swearing (a couple fucks here n there), hurt/comfort, satoru has communication issues but he’s trying his best, depictions of stalking (reader gets followed by a random creep but satoru comes to the rescue dw), uhh implied thoughts of violence? (satoru wants to Maul said dude but doesn’t), literally just me being in love with satoru gojo for 8.7k words straight

a/n; no thoughts head empty only gojo running through the streets like a wild beast looking for u <33 im normal about him yeah.

“you’re so annoying sometimes, you know that?”

satoru smiles. the sentence isn’t one he’s unaccustomed to hearing.

usually, the words are soaked in an undeniable fondness, as they spill from your lips. rich with exasperated love. one that never fails to have the corners of satoru’s lips curling up, a mellow kind of joy blossoming in his chest.

but now, that fondness is nowhere to be found. 

you sound thoroughly exasperated, and a little bit fatigued. more than anything else, there’s a vague irritation behind the tilt of your voice, something almost cold. it makes all the difference in the world. 

and yet, despite that, a certain someone chooses to pay no heed to the bad omen.

“aw, c’mon. you know you love me, baby.”

satoru is grinning. lighthearted, awfully sweet. there’s a certain smugness to it, though, one he couldn’t wash away even if he was aware of it; you wouldn’t do so even if you could. that smugness is a part of him, one that you’d usually find endearing. 

but right now, it only seeks to further your frustration.

it was a stupid fight, truthfully. completely meaningless. satoru had forgotten to pick up after himself for, like, the fourth consecutive time, and so you grew annoyed. not by a lot, but enough that you felt the need to be firm when you reminded him not to make the same mistake over and over again.

but satoru had only grinned, in that self-satisfied fashion of his, and apologized in a way you couldn’t possibly call sincere. then he did what he usually does — promises to work on it. to not do it again. he never follows through, though.

but even that thought wasn’t anywhere near enough to make you truly angry. what really began to irk you was the fact that satoru wasn’t taking you seriously, even in the slightest.

that’s how he always is, when it comes to this kind of thing. and you try to be patient, you do. you try to be understanding. sometimes you even appreciate that he keeps the atmosphere light, but other times, you just can’t help but feel irritated by it.

and the current situation happens to fall into the latter category.

you don’t care if satoru leaves a candy wrapper or two out, every once in a while. of course you don’t. it’s a silly thing to argue about. but would it hurt for him to just listen to you? to try to put himself in your shoes, for once? it’s not about the wrappers, or the undone dishes. it’s about the way he treats you when you complain about it — like it’s no big deal, like it doesn’t matter. even if it obviously does, to you.

so, gradually, the topic of your little argument began to shift, into a conversation about satoru. about the fact that he so adamantly refuses to talk about the things that bother you in a serious fashion. about the fact that he so adamantly refuses to take you seriously.

and he just keeps proving your point, with every word that falls from his lips.

at this point, you’re genuinely beginning to feel a little angry. but satoru doesn’t see that as the warning sign it is — he just thinks it’s cute. he’s just been cooing at you, this whole time, despite your numerous attempts to actually explain how much his behavior affects you sometimes. it feels a bit like talking to a wall. satoru keeps on teasing you, even as you try to be firm about your point, and only brushes you off with empty promises to do better and more unneeded comments about how much he wants to hug you when you pout like that.

and you falter, a little. of course you do. you’re weak to satoru. weak to his words, that sweet voice of his, that pretty grin. but that only makes everything worse, because if you let yourself look even a little bit flustered at his comments, he sees that as his cue to continue.

you don’t even know if he’s doing it on purpose, at this point. is he doing it because he knows it’ll annoy you, or does he genuinely not understand that you’re upset? you’d like to think that there’s no malicious intent behind it, but can’t he see how troubled you are? you don’t get it. you don’t get him, and that frustrates you most of all. satoru can be so goddamn convoluted, sometimes.

so you simply can’t help but feel annoyed. angry, even. how long have you been arguing for, at this point? you’re not sure. but you feel the frustration inside of you grow, as the minutes tick by, into something you know will eventually explode.

a sigh falls from your lips, deep and exasperated. a little bit exhausted. “i’m serious, satoru. you’re not even listening.”

“i am!” he protests, stubbornly. childishly. “you just look so cute when you’re all mad. not my fault you’re so distracting.”

satoru smiles, voice sugar sweet, but all you can do is frown. does he really think it’s cute that you’re upset? the thought makes you somewhat sad. but you can’t show that, can’t let that part of you win — you don’t even want to think about the possibility of you crying, because of this. yeah, no way in hell. 

so instead, you channel it into anger. as the blood inside your veins comes to a boiling point, you dig your nails into the skin of your palms, gnawing at your bottom lip and shifting from one foot to another.

”satoru, i’m —” another sigh, sharp and vexed like the blade of a knife. ”i’m trying to have a serious conversation, here. can’t you see that i’m upset?”

satoru takes a moment to look at you, from behind the black glass of his shades.

he can. of course he can see that. you’re frowning, and there’s a crease between your brows, and you keep huffing and sighing every three seconds — you’re obviously, undoubtedly upset. and satoru wants to take you seriously, he does. it’s just that the part of his brain that only ever wants to coddle and tease you keeps persuading him not to.

he’s not lying, either; you do look cute. almost too cute to take seriously, when you’re pouting so sweetly, a little red in the face from all the frustration bubbling inside your chest. you look so small, glaring up at him like an angry puppy. 

satoru can’t help but smile. it’d be impossible not to.

and he will listen to you, will take you seriously. he knows you’re angry, knows you’re upset, and he intends to deal with that properly. but he doesn’t need to do it right now.

just a little more teasing, before he has to stop beating around the bush. satoru dreads it, a little bit, dreads having to genuinely be serious, be open and apologetic. it always feels so strange, so discomforting. 

all that stuff can wait until later. for now, he just wants to see you blush a little more, huff and puff at his limitless affection, that he knows you love deep down. where’s the harm?

(and therein lies the problem. satoru is observant, and typically good at seeing the line that he shouldn’t cross when it comes to you. but there are times when he slips up, times when he doesn’t realize that his words have begun to sting. times when the line becomes blurry, because he knows some part of you enjoys the way he babies you, and sometimes it blinds him to the part of you that doesn’t.)

satoru is smiling. it’s the same as always — big, bright, glazed over with honey-sweet adoration. smug and teasing. it’s such a satoru-like smile that it makes your breath hitch, sometimes, makes your heart race with wonder. but now all it does is annoy you. everything you love about satoru is annoying you, right now. 

in your eyes, that pretty smile of his seems almost taunting. like he’s trying to pick a fight with you, trying to make you even more upset. you don’t want to blow up over something like this, you really really don’t — but for some reason, you feel dangerously close to. it’s not like you at all.

you bore into his eyes with a cold glare, even though you can’t exactly see them with his shades in the way. posture straight and rigid as you try to make yourself look bigger. you must look at least a little bit menacing, like this. right?

“i’m seriously angry with you,” you say, hoping your voice sounds as austere to his ears as it does to yours. “don’t you get that?”

satoru coos, unable to hold the sound back. he doesn’t notice the flicker of hurt in your eyes, only focusing on how the sunset rays frame your figure, kissing your skin with sun-soaked fervor. you look so pretty. and that angry look on your face is too tantalizing not to tease.

“aww,” he croons, inching closer to you. there’s a teasing glint in his eyes that you can’t see, unmistakably fond. “is my little baby that upset?”

you blink. his voice sounds even more sugar-sweet now, obviously exaggerated. there’s amusement there, too — like this is just one big joke to him. you think he must be doing it to belittle you, to embarrass you. speaking to you like you’re some kind of grumpy toddler, and not a grown adult trying to have a serious conversation with their partner. your blood boils, boils, boils.

— and so the cup overflows.

“oh, go fuck yourself.”

it’s almost in a hiss that the words fall from your lips, cold and harsh; they leave the confines of your throat before you have a chance to reconsider them, sudden and sickeningly heavy. crude, too. you’d never be so crass with him under normal circumstances.

but you’re overwhelmed, thoroughly and completely, and satoru is being particularly infuriating. you genuinely feel hurt by the way he’s disregarding your feelings, and that realization stings more than anything. 

so you can’t help but say the words, louder than you meant to, before turning on your heel swiftly and walking out of the room. 

you don’t even have time to register what you’re doing, legs moving on their own before your mind can catch up. brisk and heavy steps carry you to the door, all while you furiously attempt to blink away the tears of frustration that begin to form in your eyes.

it only takes a second for you to grab your jacket — then you’re out.

satoru hears the front door close, echoing off the walls of your apartment. you don’t quite slam it shut, but you close it with more force than usual, and he can’t help but inwardly wince.

a moment passes. 

then, he flops down on the couch, lanky arms and legs dangling uncomfortably off the edges. the groan that slips from his lips is muffled by the soft cushion as he burrows his face into it, while replaying your interaction inside his mind.

satoru can’t help but feel uncomfortable, with this conclusion. a little bit irked. a vague something rests inside his chest, something he doesn’t quite want to admit to feeling. it makes him feel a little bit sick.

(”oh, go fuck yourself.”)

he can’t recall you ever raising your voice at him like that. when it comes to him, you’re usually so patient; soft, understanding, gentle. for you to have snapped in such a way — to have stormed out of the apartment in your anger — he must have pushed you pretty far.

satoru sighs.

he really pissed you off, huh?

(he can never quite seem to get this right, can he?)

it was never his intention to make you genuinely mad. he just lost sight of the line, for a second. that’s all.

and maybe he was also trying to avoid the issue, trying to avoid actually arguing with you. because he hates it. he hates it more than anything. satoru would much rather see you smile and blush than act all serious and sad. 

he just wanted to make you laugh.

was it insensitive? yeah, probably. he just can’t help but fuck this up, it seems. now he’s gone and made you angry — and as much as the sight would usually thrill him, as cute as you look when you’re irritated, a pit of anxiety settles in his gut. everything just feels wrong.

more than anything, satoru feels restless. because, right now, there’s nothing he can do. he can’t chase after you, even if just to apologize — that’d make you even angrier.

he knows he needs to give you space. you were obviously overwhelmed; some fresh air will do you good.

it irks him, though. satoru wants to fix it. he always wants to fix everything, before it even breaks. and even now, all his mind can do is spin in circles, wondering how he could possibly cheer you up.

he’ll just have to apologize, when you get back. and hope you forgive him. maybe he can get you something sweet to munch on, or a bouquet of flowers. would that make everything okay again?

satoru doesn’t know. so he just scratches his head, and tries his damndest not to think of how defeated you looked before leaving.

your steps are heavy, dragging you forward, leading you somewhere you have no knowledge of. it’s chilly out, and the sun is already setting.

everything in the world feels so wrong. like it’s tilted slightly to the left, like the earth stopped spinning around its axis. like everything suddenly lost its saturation. 

you just needed to get away from him, for a while. away from that smug smile, that patronizing tilt of his voice. you couldn’t even stand to be in the same apartment as him. it’s not often you feel that way, not often at all. 

and it only increases your growing frustration. 

you are beginning to calm down, though — you know you are. the crisp evening air and the pleasant mingle of people soothes your muddled senses, smoothing down the crease of your brow and the ache in your chest.

a heavy discomfort, and a growing guilt. that’s all you can feel, as the anger slowly seeps out of you, turning into vapour with every exhale of your breath.

you hate arguing with satoru. you hate it more than anything. the guilt clawing at your chest barely leaves any room for anger — you almost yelled at him. just the thought of doing that to satoru makes you want to cry.

because you love him, at the end of the day, even when he’s being absolutely insufferable. he’s a sweetheart, your sweet boy, always trying to lighten the mood and make you smile. maybe you should have been a bit more understanding; you know satoru’s bad at this stuff, bad with emotions and vulnerability. and deep down, you know he’d never hurt you, not on purpose.

he probably just didn’t realize that you were genuinely upset. it’s a mistake that anyone could make.

but it just makes you feel so frustrated. like he’s not even looking at you. always hiding behind those shades, never opening up. never letting you see him wear anything but a smile. you want him to take it slow, open up to you at his own pace, but that doesn’t make the wait sting any less.

it’s not like you were asking for a lot. first, you simply asked him to pick up after himself. the way you do, the way anyone does. then, you simply asked him to treat you with respect.

a sudden pang of bitterness runs through your chest. sure, you could’ve handled it all better — but he could have, too.

every step you take hits the pavement with an irritated kind of decision. whatever. whatever. for now, you don’t want to think about it — all you want is to walk around and take in the sights, enjoy the peace and quiet.

so that’s exactly what you do.

before you know it, the sun has set, and the moon has risen — shining down and painting the streets in a mesmerizing blue, ephemeral and tranquil. it’s enough to give you some peace of mind, as you lurk around familiar streets, soaking in all the open space. so different from that suffocating apartment, and the man inside it, with that shit-eating grin and those breathtaking eyes.

(he’s called you, a couple times. you haven’t been gone for long — an hour or so, you think, maybe two. some part of you wanted to answer, just to hear his voice through the phone, but the part of you that’s still awfully irritated shut that down immediately. so, stubbornly, you just let it ring.)

the streets are empty, and the sky is dark. the light of all the lampposts illuminate your way, along with the soft flicker of the moon and stars. an endless galaxy stretches out before your eyes, little pale dots of stardust shining like jewels.

an ever-lasting, never-changing sky, that continues on for infinity. limitless. all the space you could possibly want, and then some.

for a moment, you can only look at the glittering stars in wonder, soaking in the feeling of absolute solitude. 

— it doesn’t last, though.

“you alone?”

a sudden voice calls out from behind you. close, discerningly so, enough to make you flinch. you curse yourself for not noticing anything sooner, caught up in looking at the starry sky, in angling your phone to take a picture of it.

hesitantly, you turn your gaze towards the sound — wincing under your breath when you see the man a couple steps away from you. he looks a little crazed, you think, shifting from foot to foot and hunching over. 

oh fuck no.

great, just what you needed. that’s just your luck, isn’t it? your brain can only spin in circles, trying to get your body to react, to run. to do literally anything except just stand there like a deer caught in headlights.

in your nervosity, all you manage is a painfully awkward laugh, as you stutter out a halfhearted response.

“oh — no, i’m just waiting for my boyfriend!” you smile, unconvincingly. your face must be soaked in unease. whatever he wants with you, it can’t be anything good.

at least you said that one word clearly — boyfriend. you can only hope it’s enough to scare him away.

but the man only shifts a little more, emitting a gruff kind of hum, not saying anything else. your spine tingles with apprehension. every cell in your body wants you to leave. he seems a little intoxicated, you think, and the thought only stirs the anxious feeling in your chest further.

god. why does this have to happen to you? why now?

thankfully, you’ve got your phone in hand. as your mind scrambles for solutions, your fingers tap at the screen, urgently scrolling through your contacts. in such a frightened state, your acting must be positively awful, but you make a vague attempt. not like you’re getting any oscars for this, either way.

“sorry — he’s calling me now!” you stammer out, taking a step away from the man. he doesn’t make a move to follow you, so you take your chances and press your phone to your ear, feet carrying you forward with haste.

in your fear, you don’t think twice about calling satoru — but you can’t help but internally wince at the decision, as the anxious patter of your own heart resounds in your ears.

how are you supposed to talk to him, exactly? what are you supposed to say? hey, i know i just told you to go fuck yourself, but will you hear me out? i need your help. 

and you do. you do need his help. all you want is for him to swoop in, to take you in his arms, your knight in shining armor.

satoru’s said it to you, before — that if you need anything, anything at all, you can come to him. that you can always, always lean on him, without exception. 

you know that he likes helping you. likes it when you open up to him, when you put your trust in him. when you aren’t afraid to ask for his help.

so despite everything, you hold your phone to your ear, walking away with brisk steps and praying that he’s not petty enough to ignore your call like you did to his.

back home, satoru is still resting on the couch, tapping his feet and trying to distract himself. 

he’s a little anxious. it’s dark out, and you’re not answering any of his calls. when you’re out of sight, like this, he can’t help but feel a little helpless — worried about everything that could happen to you. but it’s not like he can force you to pick up. 

you’re probably at a friend’s house, or something. telling them all about what an asshole your boyfriend is. as much as the thought stings, satoru hopes it’s true; it’s all he can comfort himself with. anything is fine as long as you aren’t out walking alone, in the cold, in the dark.

entirely caught up in his spiralling thoughts, satoru almost flinches when the phone rings. laying on the table in front of him, just within arm’s reach. it only takes a second for him to react as his gaze flits to the bright screen, and he sees the contact name, the many heart emojis littering it.

with a start, satoru jumps up. his back straightens out, and his hand flies to grab the phone — he’d feel embarrassed at his own eagerness, but right now he just can’t help it. even under ordinary circumstances, he wouldn’t let the phone ring more than twice, always giddy to hear your voice whenever possible. 

this time, however, he does falter slightly.

he takes a split second to simply stare at the phone in his hand, at the affectionate contact name. what is he supposed to say to you, exactly? how is he supposed to act?

satoru doesn’t know, but as if afraid that you’ll change your mind and stop the call, yourself, he opts to simply answer. he’ll just have to figure out what to say on the fly.

(unfortunately, satoru’s instinctual response to anything is either smugness or playfulness.)

“well, well. look who finally decided to pick up.”

you’re the one who called him, not the other way around — but satoru can’t be bothered with small details like that right now. he only hopes you don’t notice the faint nervosity in his voice, the stiffness as he tries to sound unbothered.

you don’t notice anything at all, mind far too muddled, too clouded by fear. all you can do is take a deep breath, desperately trying to grasp control over your wavering voice.

“— satoru?” you call out, voice meek and frail. the man in question notices it immediately, sitting up a little straighter, but before he can say anything you continue. “i’m sorry, i just — are — are you still at home?”

there’s an anxious tilt to your voice, one that’d be impossible for satoru to miss. your words are a little breathy, spoken in a fast tempo, and he feels a sudden dread crawl up his spine.

something is wrong, his senses alert him.

“yeah,” he hums, trying to hide the turmoil in his own voice. “why? is everything okay?”

the line is quiet, for a second. “it’s just —“ an exhale, as you once again attempt to steer your voice in a less nervous direction. “just… some creepy guy tried to talk to me. i told him i was waiting for my boyfriend and now i’m walking away from him but he’s still following me.” another exhale, as you worriedly sneak a glance over your shoulder. ”i just — i don’t know what to —”

“where are you?”

satoru cuts you off, voice eerily serious. his gaze turned cold the moment he heard creepy guy, legs moving him towards the coat rack by the front door as if on autopilot. 

he’s already left the apartment by the time you answer, looking around you meekly.

“i… don’t know,” you sigh. “i’m not far. i walked past that one crêpe stand by the park but then i, like… continued up that street? and now i don’t really know where i’m going.”

you continue, a little exasperated as your gaze flits around the dark street. attempting to recall your steps, a difficult task with how on edge you feel. “i’ll try to look for a sign, or something,” you gulp. “… i’m sorry. i just wanted to get away from him.”

satoru’s voice is comforting, when he speaks, eager to console you. grounding and soft. “hey, it’s okay. i’m heading there now, alright?” he smiles, hoping you’ll hear it in his voice. “i’ll be there before you know it.”

you do hear it, and his words ease a little of the anxiety in your chest, despite your fear. “okay.” 

the line grows quiet, again, and your brows furrow in worry. “can — can i keep talking to you?” you ask, uncertain. a little pitiful. ”please?”

“of course,” satoru answers, instantaneous. he’s already making his way towards the crêpe stand with decision in his steps, mentally scanning the area ahead. despite his own anxiety at the situation, he attempts to sound as secure as he can possibly manage, desperate to soothe the worry in your voice.

“try to relax for me, okay? nobody’s gonna hurt you. not while i’m here.”

his words are absolute, as he consoles you. he sounds so sure of himself, so much that you can’t help but believe in his words. so you nod, emitting a weak hum when you remember he can’t see you.

“can you tell me what you see, baby?”

“uhh…” you look around, blindly, trying to find some sort of meaningful hint around you. “there’s like… some toy shop?” 

satoru only hums. “can you check your location on your phone?” 

you blink. 

of course. why on earth didn’t that cross your mind before? 

“oh — yeah — fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know why i didn’t —“ you sigh, heavy. “hold on.”

following satoru’s instructions swiftly, your gaze scans over the screen. he waits, patiently, already heading past the park and up ahead. as soon as you succeed in finding the name of the street, you echo it to him.

satoru sighs, a little relieved. “okay,” he hums. “i’m not that far away. i’ll be there soon.” he only hopes his words can soothe your fear, even a little. “is he still following you?”

you glance behind you, and meet the gaze of the stranger. just like you were afraid of, he’s still following you — if anything, he seems to have gotten a little closer. with a jolt, your heartbeat picks up.

“yeah,” you gulp. 

satoru’s chest tightens. he emits a low hum. “just hold on. i’ll hurry.”

focusing only on the tilt of satoru’s voice, you try to calm your breathing. you just want to see him. the thought of doing so is the only thing keeping your trembling ribcage intact, at this point. 

you swallow a shaky breath.

“thanks, toru.”

a sudden pang of ache sprouts in satoru’s chest, like thorny vines curling around his ribcage. his heart hurts. you sound so scared, so very small. 

this is all his fault, he thinks. all of it. he got too careless; none of this would’ve happened if he had only been more considerate. if he had just stopped you from leaving and apologized, or hadn’t upset you in the first place. then he wouldn’t have to hear that scared little voice, wouldn’t have to imagine your body shaking like a leaf in the cold night. so far away from him. 

but satoru can’t beat himself up over it, not yet. there’ll be more than enough time for that later. for now, he needs to get to you — that’s the only thing on his mind.

so he lets his feet carry him forward, running towards your location with bated breath. he’s sure you can hear it, through the phone, even though he tries to contain it.

the sound consoles you, if anything. it reminds you that satoru is there, that he’s on his way. that there’s no need to be scared. 

but you can’t help but freak out, a little, when you hear the man call out from behind you.

“hey!” he slurs, stumbling towards you with unsteady steps. his voice is loud, angry, and it sends your mind reeling into panic mode.

a flinch overtakes your body, before you stumble forward, walking even faster than before. you’re almost running now, breath hitching as you gulp. satoru hears it all — your panic, the echo of the man. his own tempo picks up.

“baby, calm down, okay?” he consoles you, voice concerned and honey-sweet. “just keep walking. i’m almost there.”

“sorry —“ you squeak out, between flurry breaths. breathing uneven, laboured and anxious. but you try your best to calm down. “‘s just scary.”

it almost feels physical, the way it irks him. satoru wants to pull you close, more than anything, but he can’t. and that just makes the calamity inside his chest grow, clawing at his ribcage as if trying to escape, to go to your side. 

(he never, ever wants to hear that kind of fear in your voice again.)

“i know,” he soothes. “you’re doing good, honey. listen — he’s not gonna touch you. i won’t let him. you have nothing to be scared of.”

you nod, even as you exhale a shaky breath. ”i know.” 

and you do. you know there’s a truth, to satoru’s words, one that’s never failed you before.

because satoru is your safe space, at the end of the day — he can be annoying, outright insufferable, and sometimes he’s bad with emotions. but he tries, you know he does. and, more than anything else, you know that he’ll always, always be there when you need him. he’ll always be there to protect you. 

and a part of you is sure that everything will be okay, as long as he’s around.

(it’s easy to forget how trustworthy satoru really is, how much he cares. how dependable he is. and how serious he can get, when he truly needs to be, despite his childishness. it’s moments like these that remind you of that.)

but it’s still scary, at the end of the day. you can’t help but feel uncomfortable, a little lost in the world. because you and satoru just fought, you just told him to go fuck himself, and yet here he is. running to your side, in the middle of the night, because you’re scared and alone and you need him.

the man continues to shout, behind you, muttering curses you can’t quite make out. you look over your shoulder nervously, steps hurried.

and satoru runs like a man possessed, through the moonlit streets, gaze scanning the area like a wild beast. his most visceral instinct is screaming at him, tugging at his flesh and bones, desperate to protect you. to comfort you. to wash all your worries away. 

as he makes a sharp turn, he momentarily stops the movement, halting to look around. he thinks he must look a little crazed, with the moonlight illuminating his eyes, but he couldn’t care less.

especially not when his gaze lands on a certain person, further down the street — small and alone.

your eyes meet his.

with the darkness of the street, it’s hard to make anything out, but the light of the lamppost helps. though even without it, satoru’s sure he’d know it was you, just from the sensation that unfurls in his chest as his gaze lands on your figure. 

an audible sigh of immense relief falls from his lips, and his tense shoulders relax, eyes softening just a tad. he hears a similar noise coming from the phone in his grasp, and he assumes that means you recognize him too. not bothering to end the call, he puts it in his pocket, walking over to you with brisk steps. 

you stumble towards him, yourself, the worried crease between your brows now smoothed away. the closer he gets, the faster you move, until you can see the blue of his eyes. two pocket-sized moons.

satoru swoops you in for a hug before either of you can say anything.

he cradles you close, awfully close, so close you can hear his heavy breathing against your ear. it tickles your neck, along with his soft hair, and you shiver. his fragrance envelops your senses, a blend between fresh laundry, strawberries and some expensive cologne. your favorite scent in the world. 

and suddenly, the world is devoid of danger. nothing can get to you while satoru’s there. all that exists is you, and him, and the soft flicker of the moon.

satoru squeezes you tightly, ensuring himself over and over again that you’re safe. he might be squeezing you a little too tight, but he can’t bring himself to think about that just yet.

finally, that growing calamity inside his chest is satiated. winding down at the feeling of you pressed up against him, the indisputable proof that you’re okay. with you in his arms, satoru feels like everything is alright, again.

the fear inside his chest, so foreign it leaves him shaken to the very core, finally begins to dissipate too. he doesn’t think there’s anything that makes him feel quite as hopeless as the thought of not being there for you when you need him. he never wants to feel that fear again. it’s suffocating. it crushes his lungs.

all he can do is hold you close, his big palm smoothing down your hair, the back of your head, your spine. warm and comforting. keeping you steady against him. he can feel your heartbeat, rapid and anxious, so fast that his heart aches. satoru is eager to soothe you, eager to make it go away.

”i’m here, baby,” he breathes, rubbing his cheek against the side of your head. ”you’re safe now.”

the words are spoken softly, right by your ear, and you exhale a shaky breath. you’re bundling up his clothing with your fists, anchoring yourself to him. after a little while, you let go, opting to wrap your arms around his midriff instead. nuzzling into his broad chest, you try to blink away your tears and contain your sniffles.

you nod against him, and satoru kisses the crown of your head.

and, finally, his gaze strays. it falls farther down the street, until it lands on a certain man — shifting from one foot to another. watching you both in silence.

the calamity inside his chest rouses from its slumber, once more.

satoru makes sure to keep his hands on you, still rubbing your back with one steady palm cradling the back of your head. keeping your face hidden in his chest, safe and secure.

then he raises his head, back straight, full height on display as his eyes meet the stranger’s. he can tell they do, even with the distance, the darkness of the street.

and satoru knows he looks menacing. he knows the light of the lamppost illuminates his figure perfectly, framing his tall stature and broad shoulders. and he knows the moonlight caressing his skin illuminates his face, his cold eyes — blue and uncanny, glowing even brighter than the moon. staring daggers into the man’s soul. if looks could kill, there wouldn’t even be any remains left to find.

the man stiffens, visibly, and satoru delights in it. he doesn’t leave, though, and for a second satoru wonders if he’s really intoxicated enough to come closer — 

but, sure enough, all he does is stagger a little. then he walks away, grumbling under his breath, hands in his pockets.

and satoru isn’t satisfied, with this conclusion. not in the slightest. he wants to run up to the man, wants to hold him up by the throat, wants to tell him off. because he has the nerve to terrorize someone like that, stalk them with intentions he knows can’t be anything but revolting. the nerve to do that to you, of all the people in the world —

satoru doesn’t know if he’s hated anyone quite as much. 

and a part of him wants to make him cower. make him fear for his life, just to make sure he never does anything like this again. leave him with a fear so great it’ll linger for as long as he’s alive.

(and a more animalistic side of satoru, one he doesn’t want to acknowledge, wants to do things that are much, much worse.)

— but you come first. without question, and without exception. he refuses to leave you alone, and refuses to make you look at the man for even a second more. 

so he’ll focus on you, entirely.

he can tell you’re still shaken up, heartbeat pulsating against him, little flutters of life prickling his skin. there’s a desperation in the way you hug his waist, like he could disappear at any moment. like he’ll slip away if you don’t keep him close. the sight tugs at satoru’s heartstrings. 

his first priority is to soothe you, always and forever. so that’s exactly what he does.

satoru smiles. it’s small, in the wake of the situation, but awfully sincere. fingers reaching down to trace over your jaw, he gently urges you to look at him; when you do so, hesitant, he cups your cheek with his palm.

your teary eyes feel like daggers to his heart, an unmistakable proof of his failure. his failure to protect you, to keep you safe and happy. but at the same time, he’s glad, from the bottom of his heart — that you’d let him see you like this. even after everything.

you look very meek, blinking the tears away as you look into his eyes. they’re bright, and comforting. you wonder if he left the shades at home, if he rushed over here so hurriedly that he didn’t think to bring them with him. you’re happy, in any case — the effect they have on you is undeniable. 

you can’t bring yourself to look away, consoled by the flickers of white inside his irises, like fluffy clouds in the blue sky. ever-lasting, never-changing.

satoru tilts his head, smile sweet and understanding. ”that was scary, hm?” 

his voice is tender, somehow so mature. like he’s some older, wiser being, comforting a scared child. it’s so soothing, so very grounding.

squeezing your eyes shut, you can only bring yourself to nod, as you nuzzle back into his chest.

”you’re okay now, honey,” satoru coos, smoothing down your back as you sniffle. an immense softness seeps through his whisper. ”i’ll always be here to protect you.”

there’s a truth to the statement, heavy and pious. like an oath, a pledge, something for you to believe in unquestioningly. you allow yourself to soak in the words, knowing them to be true.

you’re safe, now. there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. satoru’s here, and he’s hugging you, pressing kisses against your shoulder.

but you just can’t stop crying.

when you speak up, your voice is weak, barely above a whisper. close to breaking apart at the seams. too tired after everything to resist the guilt inside your veins, you sniffle, and part your lips.

”i’m sorry i yelled at you.”

satoru stills.

then, his gaze softens, considerably. he hears himself coo, softly, palm smoothing down the back of your head. 

his sweet angel. apologizing to him, when he’s the one who started this whole mess. when you’re still so shaken up. because he let you leave the house angry, because he made you angry in the first place. because he didn’t see how important the discussion was to you.

(“you’re not even listening.”)

yeah. he wasn’t. he didn’t really want to.

an acute sense of shame. an intense guilt. that’s what he’s been trying to push down, all this time. that’s the unnamed something. 

it’s hard for him. to be as sincere as you, as open with his feelings and emotions. as mature. because even in a situation like this, you can swallow your pride and frustration, and apologize. even when you aren’t in the wrong. you’re always the bigger person, always the one to give in first, because he’s too stubborn to do so himself.

next time, satoru pledges, he won’t let you. next time he’ll be the one to swallow his pride.

because, yes, being vulnerable and admitting that he was in the wrong makes him feel a little like he’s being skewered alive — but you’re important to him. he loves you. and he wants you to know how much he trusts you, how special you truly are. 

if he can show you that, by being a little sincere, a little serious, then any discomfort he feels in the process is a small price to pay.

satoru’s lips meet the crown of your head, as he encircles your smaller frame, arms reaching around your neck to pull you close. he rests his jaw lightly on the top of your head, breathing in your scent. ”you have nothing to apologize for, baby.”

a pause lingers between the words he’s already said and the ones he yearns to say, but can’t seem to pull out from within his throat. it takes effort, to squeeze them out; but every time he replays your own apology in his mind, it gets a little easier. he squeezes you lightly before opening his mouth, as if to give him strenght.

“i’m sorry.”

you blink. 

for once, satoru sounds sincere when he apologizes — almost painfully so. bordering on something you think may be nervosity. you try to look up, to catch a glimpse of his expression, but he keeps you hidden in the crook of his neck.

”i was being immature,” he continues, sighing. you don’t know if you’ve ever heard satoru sound so uncomfortable. ”you know how bad i am with this stuff. but i never want to — you know.” 

he makes a gesture with one of his hands, as if that will say the words for him.

“— i didn’t mean to upset you. honestly.” satoru inhales the cold air, in hopes it’ll make him more honest. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

you listen. intently, not missing a word, not a single tilt of his voice. it all sounds so genuine, almost foreign on his tongue. satoru seems to be trying to find the right words, grumbling a little under his breath. 

he’s cute, like this. kind of awkward, but that only makes him cuter. you nuzzle closer to him, comforted by his very existence.

”… i’ll work on it,” he whispers, at last. “i’ll listen to you. i promise. i really, really will.” 

you think satoru’s voice wavers, just a little, when he says his final piece. 

“so please don’t cry.”

this time, satoru doesn’t stop you when you attempt to lift your gaze, loosening his arms around you and raising his head from where it rests on top of yours. 

your eyes meet. satoru is smiling, weakly. he tilts his head, looking at you with something you could only ever describe as love.

”okay?”

such a lovely smile. so painfully genuine. his eyes are on full display, shining in the dark of the night, like splotches of moonlight. like someone stole the moon down to earth, and carved out little pieces to put in his irises. an ethereal hue.

he’s so gorgeous. hair just a tad messy, tousled from all the running he did to get here. cheeks a little red from the cold. when he smiles, his eyes crinkle. but he looks almost pained. 

(he was so, so worried.)

blinking away the tears clinging to your lashes, you simply stare, entirely mesmerized by the sight. satoru’s thumb goes to wipe at your glassy eyes, smoothing away the drops that threaten to fall. you want to engrave his expression into your memory, so you can never forget it. but it’s just a little too much.

so you hide in his chest, once more. the word that falls from your lips is tiny. “okay.”

satoru smiles, kissing the top of your head with a relieved exhale. bathing in your presence, still reeling from his show of vulnerability. he feels a little like he just cut himself open, let you peek inside his ribcage. the night air stings his skin. 

but you’re so warm, hugging him tightly, breathing and heartbeat finally relaxed. 

(he doesn’t mind it, not if it’s you — having you look inside his chest. if you asked, he’d let you build a shelter there. right between his fourth and fifth ribs.)

now that the words are out of his throat, they don’t burn at all. satoru feels a little silly, for being so scared to say them out loud. he knows you’d never use them against him.

all you do is snuggle closer, as if silently conveying your forgiveness.

you stand there for just a little while longer, wallowing in the tender atmosphere. finally, satoru makes a move to leave, and you begin to walk back home.

“sure you’re okay now, baby?”

you nod, exhaling a flurry breath. it turns into vapour in the cold of the air, drifting up and dissipating in the expanding starry sky. “yeah. thanks for coming so quickly.”

“of course,” satoru only says, choking back a yawn. 

your hands are intertwined, and he’s halfheartedly swinging them back and forth. it soothes your anxiety, and satoru’s protective instincts. you know neither of you will slip away, like this.

you shiver a little, subconsciously inching closer to satoru to protect you from the harsh bite of the midnight breeze. he notices, giving you a glance and a tilt of his head. “you cold?” 

“just a little,” you mutter, smiling weakly as you look up at him. ”i’m fine.”

satoru huffs. did you really think he’d be dissuaded by such a weak retort? there’s no way he’s letting you walk around all cold and shivering. 

so you come to a standstill, as satoru begins to shrug off his coat. he refuses to let go of your hand for even a second, making the process slower than usual — your heart flutters a little, as his fingers curl around yours, delicately. 

when he finally gets it off him, he wastes no time in draping it over your shoulders. it’s big on you, warm and soft, shielding you from the chilly air. satoru can’t help but giggle sheepishly, as he always does at the sight — you look so cute. 

“c’mon. let’s go home,” he grins, ruffling your hair teasingly.

satoru doesn’t feel cold, not in the slightest, as he holds your hand tightly. just your presence is enough to warm his bones to the marrow.

the silence between you is comforting and soothing, as you continue to walk. hand in hand, admiring the starry sky. you’re both too tired to speak — but satoru does so, anyway.

“i meant it, y’know.” satoru sounds sleepy, but earnest. ”i really will work on it.”

he doesn’t look at you when he says it, yawning softly and stretching his free arm. gaze fixed on the morning star. 

“oh.” you pause, squirming a little. sheepish. “thank you. i’m sorry that i — i mean.” a sigh. “i probably overreacted a little.”

satoru shakes his head, waving off your guilt. “nah. you’re right. i never want you to feel like i’m not taking you seriously.”

his gaze meets yours, tentatively. his eyes shine like wedding rings. “you mean a lot to me.”

the sincere words manifest themselves as a heavy pressure to your chest, closing in on your heart as if crushing it. it’s a pleasant sensation, though, overwhelming as it is. you’re a little scared that your knees will buckle if he keeps this up, but even if they do, you wouldn’t want him to stop — satoru’s love is terrifically overwhelming when there’s nothing to hide it, when it’s just love and nothing else.

but you’d never reject it. you’d let it crush you to death with a smile on your face.

all you can do is avert your gaze, afraid that you’ll fall into the blue sea of his eyes if you don’t. heavy thumps of blood resound in your ears as your heart beats, warmth spreading throughout your entire body.

“… you mean a lot to me, too.” you echo, holding his hand just a little tighter. warmth rises to your cheeks. “i just felt really frustrated, i guess. like you were looking down on me. i know you weren’t actually, though.”

satoru chews at the inside of his cheek, almost anxiously. “i know i can be a little much sometimes,” he says, tasting the words on his tongue. “and i appreciate you for putting up with that. i’m sorry i let it go too far. i’ll be more considerate.”

your heart stutters in your chest. you’re not sure what to say — the way he forms his words makes them feel so absolute. and you believe him.

“i’ll be more considerate, too,” you echo, looking down at the pavement. “i shouldn’t have blown up like that.” a pause. you mumble, quietly, a little embarrassed. “i shouldn’t have told you to go fuck yourself.”

satoru breathes out an amused huff, chuckling lightheartedly. his eyes carry a teasing glint when they meet yours. “i probably deserved that. no worries.”

“still,” you pout. satoru giggles. 

“we’ll both work on it, then,” he hums, tilting his head to find your gaze. “right?”

you blink. a small smile breaks out across your face. “right.”

satoru swings your hands back and forth, looking awfully happy with himself. you’re proud of him. really.

“oh —“ he says, breaking the sleepy silence once again. “and i’ll stop leaving wrappers around, too.”

this time, you’re the one who huffs out an amused breath. “thank you,” you grin, looking up at him. he thinks the sight is terribly precious.

a yawn leaves your lips, drowsiness sneaking its way into your bloodstream. you’re not sure if it’s due to the dark, or if you’re just a tad exhausted after all the arguing and panicking.

satoru notices, and gets an idea.

“you tired, baby?” he coos, eyes teasing but soft around the edges. “d’you want a piggyback ride?” 

when you give him a look, sleepy and kind of exasperated, satoru grins. you huff out an amused breath, just a tad embarrassed, but it only spurs him on.

so he crouches down, one knee meeting the pavement, letting your hand slip from his. you blink, tiredly, at the loss of contact. you can’t see his face, but you know he’s wearing that lovesick, smug little grin of his. 

”c’mon. your big, strong boyfriend’ll carry you.”

satoru’s feeling playful, you can tell. that’s usually a bad sign — but you can’t deny that you’re tired. and the prospect of getting carried all the way home is eerily tempting. 

your gaze falls on his back, and his broad shoulders. silently, you walk towards him, and wrap your arms around his neck. satoru holds you up by your thighs, and then stands up, jostling you a little; he does so without a hitch, and you’re reminded of how strong he really is. his grip is secure, and you trust him not to drop you, no matter what. 

you let out a content sigh, basking in the chill of the midnight air as you nuzzle your cheek against his soft hair. satoru chuckles.

”my sleepy lil’ sweetheart,” he coos, voice a tad raspy. ”lucky thing you’ve got me, huh?”

there’s a softness to his voice, despite the teasing tilt obscuring it. you can only huff out a breath, somewhere between a chuckle and a scoff, and cling to him tighter.

satoru will get you home safe. he can be annoying, outright insufferable, and he can be bad with emotions — but you can always, always trust him on that. 

so, with his coat shielding you from the chilly air, and his back warming you up as he carries you back to your apartment, you allow your eyes to flutter shut; enjoying the cozy feeling his presence brings you.

he’ll always be there when you need him.

[pervile]

fucking you with detachable cocks

⸻ boothill & transmasc reader

adult content. minors do not interact. pet names like pup & good/baby boy & bebe are used, sexual experiment (?), squirting, descriptions of top surgery scars, mention of impregnation, rough sex, prone bone. 1.5k wc

✦ basically he has detachable metal cocks and he fucks you with a monster lookin one. . .not rlly proof-read just pure horny tbh im not rlly sorry for this lmao. thoughts are thunking, maybe i'll leave out the metal dicks next time.

currently thinking about which metal cock boothill fucks you with tonight. you think its absolutely absurd that his body was programmed so thoroughly this way, but it only just prompted the many more unique ways he got to fuck you.

it was also absolutely fanatical that his metal parts became so responsive to pleasure too. sure, they were attachments and they could come off, but you're really starting to wonder how scary it is with how life-like they become once connect to his body.

you discovered quick enough that he could ejaculate like any ordinary guy with a cock, and could even get you pregnant, if he wanted to. of course, the last one is just a theory, considering the idea only popped into your head once you found out he could force an orgasm.

but how on earth are you going to explain to your neighbour when they receive the wrong package in the mail, filled with an assortment of metal attachments that look exactly like cocks, showing up at their doorstep?

saying its...a funny hobby of yours would be a little too embarrassing, so after one encounter, you made sure to get your packages delivered when either you, or boothill, were home.

but tonight is the night, where you get to choose apart of this assortment, and how good your boyfriend gets to fuck you.

you're sitting up perched on the cotton bed sheets, legs tucked under your butt as you place one hand along the tip of your chin in eager thought. boothill is laying in front of you with his pussy out on display–well, what looks like one without any attachments anyways. maybe one day you'll discard the idea of metal cocks for one night and rub one off with him.

that too, was also a brilliant idea. but...tonight, your long-awaited, limited-edition one came in early, and you needed to try it as quickly as you possibly could.

boothill's legs were spread in front of you in anticipation for the one you'd actually pick, and he gulps mildly when you do pick the largest one there–for someone who wasn't getting fucked, he sure did seem a little terrified of its size.

you sort of giggle to yourself before picking up its weight, twirling it around under the ceiling light to get a good look and feel of it.

". . .baby boy, are ya sure yer can handle, that, size? why don't we start with somethin' smaller first- y'know...to get you warmed up-"

"why are you so scared for, hmm? besides i've wanted you to fuck me with this one since the day i saw it." your legs quiver a bit in excitement and you feel your clit throb hot once your awareness is brought to the ridges and edges on the shaft.

"doesn't it look so pretty?"

you bring it up to his face with gleaming eyes and boothill sighs, bringing a hand up to move it away from his face.

"fudge- i mean...alright darlin', if this is what yer want. but i can't promise i'll go easy on ya tonight then."

you give him this devious smirk before scooting further between his legs. "hehe, that's the whole plan though!"

as you proceed to attach the metal cock to him, you make sure to tell boothill to sit still. he does so very willingly and later jolts when it finally clicks in.

what looks like precum, instantly oozes out the top of the tongue-like crown and down the black-metallic shaft. you instantly feel the metal grow a bit warm between your palms, and it compels you to rub your thighs together when you see him twitch.

boothill lets out another puff of air before inclining into you and deflecting your attention from the metal cock. he kisses you affectionately and you kiss back, making sure to bare no teeth when inserting his tongue into your mouth. he then goes to grab your face, pressing more into you, before finally pushing you onto your back against the bed.

your body bobs with the fall and you smirk up at him, letting some of his hair fall around your head. while giving him a wide grin, you play with the baby hairs adorning the back of his neck when you wrap arms around him.

"are you sure you can feel anything with all these attachments?" you proceed to say, while rubbing a thigh against the cock.

boothill responds well by grunting with eyelashes fluttering momentarily. "why? yer tryna see if yer can have my kids or somethin'? don't provoke me pup."

"oh, yeah?" you say, both of your lips awfully close to each other, as if they were dancing.

without warning, boothill then flips you onto your back and rubs his new, shiny cock against your asshole, slipping each time he does. more precum spills out the top from this and he pants a little harder.

"yer said this one is self-lubricated, ain't it?" he questions the back of your head before you're putting the side of your face on the back of your palms, looking up at him.

"mhm, yup. so, you can slip right in and- NGH?!"

boothill obliges without you even need finishing the rest of your sentence, pushing the slim crown in, and each bump and ridge one at a time before bottoming out inside your cunt.

your, small, puffy dick rubs against the mattress, and it forces you to lift your hips into him, which, of course, you immediately regret once doing so.

"AH- shi- oh my fucking god...! fuck boothill-"

he can't quite explain it, but the way you restrict around him feels too real. like this is his own cock ripping you open. it drives him insane when he decides to pull out and sink into you again, as if each ridge of the metal cock had separate nerves of its own–he could feel everything, and he wasn't quite sure how long he'd last like this because of it.

boothill listens to your profanities before fucking you rough in prone bone, your legs slightly separated while his cold, metal thighs rubbed against the outside of your waist. the stark contrast of his body being so chilly and the cock attached to him so warm, made you shiver in ecstasy.

"ya feel so fudging good, i think i am going a bit insane." he pants against your ear before pressing more of his heavy weight into your back, the rest of his hair falling over your forehead when he brings a metal finger into your mouth.

"boothill-" you whine, sucking the cold surface, "try a little ngh deeper."

his eyebrows furrow as you squeeze him. "deeper? isn't yer sensitive spot somewhere here?" he pummels into you faster, and you swear you could see stars with how sharp the edges felt on his dick.

"oh fuck- i want it- ugh- yes, yes yes!! boothill!!!" you shriek out his name as your calves come up to to flail against the pressure he's putting against you.

"take it all, bebe. take it all."

boothill then flips you onto your side, bringing one of your legs up over his shoulder as the other one tucks under his own legs. this position allowed him to fuck you even deeper, places you thought couldn't be reached.

you're now able to get a clear picture of what sort of mess he was making of your cunt, a prominent bulge of him inside your stomach clearly showing on the surface with every brutal thrust.

boothill is surprised when he see's this as well, and his cheeks instantly flush a brighter red that causes him to accidentally cum inside of you.

you're not sure if him cumming without warning was what freaked you out, but the amount of cum he was pumping into you shouldn't be considered safe.

"fuck?! boothill?!" you choke on your words and look up at him, tearing your gaze from your puffy cunt. he then proceeds to lean over you, bending you in half, and placing one metal foot beside your head. this new position shouldn't even be classed safe, and you have a feeling that tomorrow your back will be hurting like hell.

but the immense pleasure he was giving you was unbearable–him taking advantage of how nice he felt overstimulated by abusing the nice spot inside of you.

you squirt over his dick with a cry, eyes shooting wide when you grab onto his metal arm for support.

"thats it, my good boy. yer doing so well, fudge. i think- i might cum again."

and he does, spilling the rest of his liquid inside of you as your toes curl from being fucked through your orgasm.

after a bit, boothill collapses into you, keeping his metal dick still sheathed inside of your cunt. when he lifts his head, he proceeds to trace the scars along your chest, biting and playing with your nipples with his jagged teeth.

you give him this dazed look as you wrap your arms around him and he gives you his signature smirk. you then groan and whince a bit when you realise how full your stomach is with his cum.

"are you trying to get me pregnant or kill me? fuck- maybe this was a terrible idea giving you a toy without restrictions."

"forget the the dick then, lets do it without it next time, yer?"

your eyes instantly open from this in excitement, "wait, are you for real!?"

[mondaymelon]

— 𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀𝘆, 𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀𝘆…♡

໒꒱ || :feat~ yandere!childe, dottore, scaramouche x gn!reader:

໒꒱ || cw: low and behold, jealousy, possessive + obsessive (who would’ve thought), oops he’s yandere mb, established relationship, dottore... chokes you? you’re his subordinate + dr*gging (scara) dont ask me what im doing i dont know either

⤷ “You’re mine, and I’ll make sure you won’t forget that.”

“Where were you yesterday night?”

CHILDE’s empty gaze lands on you and doesn’t let you leave it’s sight as soon as you walk through the door. You sense an air of displeasure surrounding your boyfriend as he leans back on the wall, arms crossed over his chest with his eyes fixtated on you. You haven’t done anything wrong, so why do you feel like a deer caught in headlights?

“I just went out with some friends…?” You aren’t sure of the source of his inexplicable anger, but you decide it’d be best not to trigger it.

“They treated me to some street food, and that was it, really…” It’s hard to elaborate further with the harbinger keeping completely silent, and his gaze feels like it’s piercing you.

He echoes a word that seems to have sparked his interest. “‘They?’” “Uhm- you know, Xingqiu, Chongyun, and Xiangling…”

Unconsciously, you let a brief smile cross your face at the mention of your good friends’ names, remembering the lively bustle of Liyue Harbor and the many laughs shared between the four of you.

It’s a sight that doesn’t escape Childe’s keen eye. Instantly, he’s three steps closer, with your chin raised in his gloved hand. “Wipe that smile off of your face, goddamnit.” He speaks through gritted teeth, though his harsh voice is obscured by the way his words come out as a soft hiss. His brows are furrowed, eyes flashing with annoyance as he pauses and takes in a deep breath.

“Wh…what’s with you? Don’t do those things so suddenly!” You yelp, attempting to move away only for your back to hit the wall.

The male only lets out a breathy laugh. “Ah, honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing either…” He’s much more reserved now, but you know him well enough to be aware of how he’s silently seething under the surface. “Archons, you’re a troublesome thing, aren’t you? To think affection would do such a thing to me… hah, what a thrill!” He glances up long enough for you to catch his twisted expression, eyes blown and a smile spreading across his face. “Jealousy, hm? Hahaha, oh how the troops would ridicule me if they knew!” He stops to take in a breath, his chest heaving up and down erratically. What a fool you’ve made me, darling.”

“Wh-What?” He’s moving closer, too close, his hot breath fanning your face.

“Look at me, you’ve made me a pliable idiot under your touch, haven’t you? Don’t even think about leaving now.”

“You don’t have to worry, all I’ll do is just make sure that pretty little head if yours doesn’t think about anything except me only.” ♡

“A friend, you say?”

DOTTORE has a quizzical look about him, as it’s rather odd how much amusement his crimson eyes hold. “Hmm, is that so?”

“Yes…?” You don’t know what has come over your boyfriend at the moment, but he ponders your words as if they hold a different meaning - which, they don’t. Something about the way he stares at you makes you feel like the guilty party… but you haven’t done anything wrong, have you?

“I need a name.” He whips out a small notebook out of seemingly nowhere, a pen also appearing in his hand.

“Oh, uhm-“ You momentarily pause, hesitant as you pictured the familiar fox-eared forest ranger. “He’s not exactly fond of the Fatui…”

The male lets out a hum, smile only spreading wider. “All the better. Explain him. Thoroughly.”

You frown. “Why are you so fixated on-“

You swallow your words as they’re interrupted by a sound that’s more akin to a bark than a  laugh. “Ahhh, I knew giving you my hand would be beneficial, just look how delightfully humorous you are!” He strides closer, one step, then another, effortlessly closing the space between the two of you. You can feel his red gaze through where it’s obstructed from the mask he always dons, and you have a feeling that his eyes are trained toward your every move. “Do you truly mean to say that I am not to ask of this ‘friend’ of yours?”

“It shouldn’t be of your concern…”

“Oh, but it is.” Dottore does what looks like a shrug, an action you certainly wouldn’t put past him. “Do I not have the right to monitor my partner’s actions? Who knows,” He steps even closer, his arms positioned in either side of you. “What kind of things you might be doing with this ‘friend’ of yours?”

“Dottore, what you’re implying right now is-!”

“My name sounds good in your mouth. You should say it more often.” Even in such a situation, he won’t stop his teasing mannerisms. “Ah, but perhaps you say his name much more often, don’t you?”

The words escape your mouth before you can halt them: “Tighnari isn’t!-“

“Tighnari, you said?” Dottore lets out a low chuckle, his voice giving way to his definite ecstasy. “Ah, so that’s his name? I’ll be sure to remember it. Hm, who knows, perhaps he’d make a wonderful subject of mine?”

“Why- Why are you doing this??”

“Isn’t it obvious, darling?” He’s shifted closer once more, and the very air you breathe feels suffocating. “I desire for you, and only you. Ahhhahah, you have me wrapped around your finger, don't you? Carve up my heart for all it matters, just be mine.” His fingers find his way around your throat, and it’s even harder to inhale than before. Dizzying black spots begin to grow larger, casting the edges of your vision into to darkness. “But in order for to us to live happily, together, I’ll have to make sure of things first… and first on the list…” A low growl makes its way out of his throat. “I’ll just need to make sure there won’t be any lasting regrets for you, hm? Just a few dead here and there, who’s really going to notice? After all…”

“I can’t have you running from my grasp, can I?” ♡

“Why didn’t you tell me that you’d be going out tonight?”

SCARAMOUCHE’s scornful glare is enough to make you cower where you stand in front of the door to his private quarters. His significantly short stature made it rather difficult for him to tower over you, but the deathly aura that surrounded the male was already more than enough.

“My apologies, sir. I was not aware that it was mandatory to inform you of my departure.” You give him a swift bow, casting your eyes to the floor. Several possibilities ran through your head. Perhaps he’d just settle for a rather harsh scolding, or maybe a social probation. Either way, a small part of you stirred in annoyance at your superior’s words. Nowhere in the trainee handbook had such a rule been written! You had heard the not quite so savory rumors of the 6th Harbinger numerous times before, and while they had never really proved to be a significant problem, the reason they had even surfaced in the first place was beginning to dawn on you.

“Where?” He raises his hand, a sign to lift your head. He’s being rather gracious today…? Perhaps he had been in a good mood - that is, until you soured it.

“I’m sorry, sir?”

“Where did you go?” There’s clear frustration in his tone for having to repeat himself.

“To the nearest marketplace. The soldiers in the east quadrant needed more supplies.”

“And you complied? You let them just push you around like that?

“Respectfully, sir, if I hadn’t, they would’ve done the same and pestered someone else. There was no task assigned to us-”

“Us?”

“I and another lieutenant, sir. He agreed to help me because-”

“Did I grant you the right to go with that scum?” It startles you, how much venom lies in his words. Posture stiffening, you manage to glance up, only to meet his burning violet gaze.

“Sir, I don’t underst-”

“Of course you don’t understand.” Something seems to suddenly come over the harbinger as he doubles over in his signature maniacal laughter. “You never understand, do you??”

You take a step back, only for your heel to hit the wall behind you. “Lord Scaramouche…?” For every quickened breath you take, he sways an inch closer.

“I’ve been sending you so many signs, doing nearly everything in my power to just make it so my affection would get through to that dense head of yours, but no, you still remain ignorant, ignorant for how much I’m willing to do for you! Anything and everything, no matter where and what. If it means words of praise from your mouth and your warmth touch, then any task is worth fulfilling.” The malice in his eyes dims slightly as he closes them, smiling at you brightly as he slides his hand into yours. His hand is cool, his skin smooth and unblemished, yet rigidly unnatural, the sharp angles of his joints proof of the way he was crafted into this world. A being… incapable of love…? No, the heartless being in front of you was certainly capable, and far too deeply immersed in the feeling. His lips brush against yours, yet darken dangerously when you shift your head away as an act of avoidance.

“Don’t be like that, not after all the trouble I’ve went through, just to ensure that you’ll finally be in my arms…” There’s a flash of light, a tendril of purple lightning, and all of a sudden, your limbs feel weak. You don’t know when you’ve collapsed onto the floor, or when you’ve been nestled into Lord Scaramouche’s arms, but you’re able to make out his words through the fog in your mind.

“Ah? It seems that the solution I slipped into your dinner proved to be quite potent. It’s a shame you won’t be seeing more of it, but alas, I can’t possibly keep you here any longer. Not when there are countless of those dogs salivating over the thought of you, those wretched vermin…” Sensation in your fingers, his lips against the back of your hand as he kisses it gently.

“There won’t be any need to worry anymore, darling. I’ll be all that you need.” ♡

(a/n) for you guys who were hoping for something soft n fluffy, sorry, please take this offering as an apology.

“Ah, I hate this feeling, whenever you hang out with them it’s just…”

“Are you… jealous?”

“What?? No, no way!! Don’t get the wrong idea, alright?”

“Don’t worry love, you are my one and only beloved, so please don’t worry about me leaving you, because rest assured, it will never happen.”

“I…😭🥹🥺🥺”

smoochy smooch the end !!

help i feel like the quality of my fanfic is just slowly degrading over time have i peaked is it just downhill from here am i growing to become old and wrinkled 😞

(oh… it’s been a while hasn’t it…. a month of unexcused absence… i was trying to post this early but the yandere theme made me reach a stalemate FUCKK IM SORRY ILL WRITE MORE PSPSPS IM SORRY FOR NEGLECTING ALL OF YOU WAAAH)

໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open! send an ask or a comment ♡) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123

[meowpupp]

repost, im sorry. dunno what happened to the og

tw//: male oral receiving, noncon, crying, uhh i dunno

your life is practically perfect. every day you wake up and get taken care of by an owner who adores you. price gives you everything- warm meals, a comfy bed, a roof over your head. you couldn't have asked for anything better.

in the short time he's had you, he's improved your life tenfold. and so it's no surprise when he gets a call from the shelter, asking if he'd be interested in an emergency placement. 

its for another pup, a male this time. unlike you, who price assumes is a mix of a golden retriever and a german shepard, this new pup is a belgian malinoises. the lady thoroughly explains the hybrid's history. ex-military, highly trained, and extremely high needs. it would be a challenge, but one that price would be suited for. 

and so, two weeks later, your perfect little life is disrupted. price brings the new hybrid home. price brings kyle home. 

you’re not allowed anywhere near him. price has kyle locked up in the garage, keeping you two completely segregated. 

“he’s dangerous sweetheart. needs some training,” he explains when you ask. apparently, despite how good kyle tries to be, he still can’t help from being a little… rough. 

it’s torture. everything about kyle is so interesting to you. the only things you know about him are his name and his scent. 

his scent alone is nearly enough to send you into an early heat. musky, masculine and strong- gunpowder, fresh earth and something you can’t quite place. it makes your head spin and your cunt throb. 

you spend hours sitting at the garage door. hoping that if you’re sweet enough price will cave and give you what you want- it’s how it normally goes anyways. 

except this time it doesn’t work. 

days go by, then a week, then two. and in all that time, you still haven’t even seen kyle. it’s only a matter of time before you crack. 

you wait for price to fall dead asleep, then move quickly. sneaking down the stairs, and rushing to the garage. for a moment, you stand and think over your decision.

what if kyle is dangerous? what if he’s huge, with sharp teeth and mean eyes? he might just be waiting to get his hands on something sweet and pretty like you. he might hurt you 

you should turn back. but you don't.  

as you step into the garage, everything is still. there’s no noise, no movement. all you can see is prices car and some storage tubs. 

you step further inside, driven by curiosity as you look around. there’s a little bed in the corner, soft sheets and a nice pillow. you notice one of the blankets is yours. price must have been starting the process to introduce you two. 

you feel some guilt, suddenly realising just what you’ve done. not only have you disobeyed your owner, you’ve stolen his keys, broken into the garage, and led yourself into danger. 

before you can even think of darting out of the room, running to prices bed and acting like nothing happened, you hear movement. 

your body freezes, ears perking. the garage is cluttered, blocking your view as you glance around. you have no idea where kyle could be. you have no idea if its even him who made the noise. 

but all your thoughts are interrupted as a hand covers your mouth, another pulling your body into one behind you. your nose fills with kyles scent, and your brain switches off.  

every instinct to run, to kick and fight, to claw out of his grip is shut down. all you can think of is kyle. the way his hard chest presses against you, how big his hand is on your face, the sheer warmth of his body. 

he growls, the sound low and deep, “why’re you here?” you can feel his tent press against your ass. he doesn't give you an opportunity to answer, hand still covering your mouth. the other trails up your body, following your waist, pushing up your shirt. “you must be the other hybrid… price always tells me how good you are, so why don't you show me?” 

his hand gropes your tits, massaging the fat flesh. he groans, dick only growing harder as he grinds against your ass. he drops his head, nosing your neck, inhaling your scent. you're so small to him, so weak. he's trained to kill, to hunt, and in this moment you're his prey. 

kyle snaps, forcing you onto your knees. he moves to stand in front of you, your face level with his tent. “you've broken the rules, haven't you?” a smirk spreads across your face, grinning at the conflict of guilt and lust that spreads over your face, “shhh, i wont tell, okay? just gotta let me do one thing first…” he mumbles, eyes growing half lidded. his thumb swipes across your bottom lip, “let me fuck your throat raw. wouldn't want you to slip up, accidentally tell on yourself.” 

his smirk only grows as you hesitantly nod, parting your lips. 

he takes his time, slowly inching his way down your throat. he forces every inch of his thick, veiny shaft into your mouth. kyle isn't like price, he doesn't have the same control. he tries, he really does, but the way you gag and choke around his cock is too much to bare. 

the only sounds that fill the garage is his strained grunts, and the wet gagging noise you make with his every thrust. he takes what he wants, using you as nothing more than a toy. holding you in place, he fucks your throat ruthlessly. 

by the time hes done, tears are streaming down your face. he pumps his load down your throat, directly into your tummy. he denies you the privilege of tasting his cum. instead, he uses his dick to smear your drool all over your face. he tucks himself away, smirking at the way your face glistens with tears and spit, how swollen and red your lips are. 

as he leans down, he gently cups your face. his lips brush against your ear as he speaks.“go run back to daddy now. and remember, not a fucking word of this.”

follow up; here.

[envy-of-the-apple]

the jjk naga au is getting to me……..i fear im terminally ill with thoughts about it (seriously, top of the food chain is such a yummy series (?) and im soso obsessed with how you've written gojo’s and geto’s characters, i reread your works everyday, i just can't get enough! ^^)

and i hope you don't mind if i share a Thought i've had :3 (i was going for an mc who used to draw/sketch/make art just for this specific scenario)

Imagine that your time on the island's barely dragging on. There's only so many berries to pick and so many times you can braid Suguru’s hair into elaborate styles. You're bored, stranded on an island with these two naga captors and their (adorable) hatchlings.

Well, there's always playing with the hatchlings, or tussling with Satoru (he calls it playtime but you're far from amused when you get a faceful of sand when he tugs your legs out from under you) but you miss your alone time. That little bubble of yours. Ah, privacy. 

Like that'd happen, but you can dream.

It's a stroke of chance when Nobara comes to you with her new haul of human paraphernalia, all too excitedly. A leather satchel. Some printed photos of nameless faces with scenic backgrounds. A waterlogged cell phone, practically unsalvageable. A journal with pages so thoroughly soaked, it falls apart in wet clumps.

“What are these?” You can hear her rummage through the bag, her nose wrinkling slightly. “Smells weird.” And so you look over to see her glaring down at a (relatively new) set of oil paints, sealed away in the bag. It's likely that she picked up on the scent of the strange chemicals.

Your eyes are bright with hope as you gently pull it out of her hold. Ready to answer her million and one questions.

…

After all this time that you've thought of what you'd wished to be able to do, you're at a loss. You've got a wall to the cave to yourself, a set of oil paints and a makeshift brush from the wood of this one particular tree off the side of the island. The only thing you're missing right now is inspiration.

A muse.

Satoru and Suguru are snoozing. Peaceful and laid in each other's arms. you can appreciate the quiet to yourself.

You hear familiar shrieks and playful yells of the hatchlings' name. 

The slight bit of quiet, then.

Nobara and Yuji are wrestling in the water, arguing over something in a mix of clicks and curse words. The sight is an endearing one, but moving too quick.

So you do some searching inward.

And you paint what comes to mind. What you've felt this whole time.

…

“What's that?” Ever the curious one, Nobara rests her head on your shoulder to peer over at your artwork in progress. She doesn't understand any of it—and she wouldn't. Your human upbringing is leagues different from hers.

“... Home.” You murmur, and Nobara’s glancing up at you in wonder because of the way your eyes glisten, the way your hand lingers over to paint in a fine detail.

“Well, it was my home.” You smile back at her, and she's at ease. You're not sad—no, she'd make it everybody's problem if you were—and then she makes sure to know everything about the scene you've drawn.

“What's that?” She gestures. Careful not to smudge the paint off, index outstretched to a figure she doesn't recognise.

“That's a lamp. When it gets dark, we switch it on so there's light. Like the torches in the cave, you see?”

“Torch? Hmm… and that?”

It seems that talking about your old home brings a warmth to your voice. Nobara beams up at you all giddy as you explain, eager to learn more. Eventually Yuji slinks over to listen as well, more so to the sound of your voice than what you're saying.

You sound happy, the pair can tell. Like when you taste a berry sweeter than the others, or when you tell them stories of your own to lull them to sleep. They like the chime of joy in your voice, and neither stops you from rambling about your once-home. 

It's a moment of peace. and warmth.

Yet it shatters for you when you feel a strong muscled tail coil around your waist, that familiar sense of having your space invaded taking over. A very intrigued Satoru looms over you, eyes glinting as he takes in the sight. You know that something's off—he seems more punishing with how tight he holds you.

“Home, huh?” Satoru repeats, and even the hatchlings can tell that's their cue to leave. Nobara offers you a lingering glance, almost pouty before she slithers away, following after her brother.

…

The next early morning, you find your home gone. 

In a sense, it's a bitter joke to be played on you. Not only were you never going to be back at your own place, even the expression of the idea was taken away from you. Just like your freedom was. your choice. The wall of the cave was bare, not a hint of the paint or the sentiment lingering behind. As if someone hit a total reset. Paints nowhere to be found, your canvas scrubbed clean.

Suguru stretches out from behind you, one of the first few to wake up, wrapping you in a lazy hug, before he follows your gaze. You'd call the soft laugh that rumbles in his chest cruel. Mocking your homesickness in that loving way only he could manage.

“Must've rained last night.” He comments at the absence of your artwork, and you wish you could pinpoint at least an inch or sarcasm in his words. You nod quietly, and he draws you in closer.

Cold lips brush against your temple. 

“The only home you need is with us.”

The sand under your feet is drier than your throat.

(oh my god im sorry if i rambled too much, i hope its not annoying ^^;;)

jaw dropping. amazing. wHAT????

I love how anon made Nobara's characterization so much sweeter and innocent. Though it's probably cuz she's younger in this fic...considering she can still stay on land. And satosugu not even wanting you to THINK of your old home is so accurate. I feel the more they learn your language, the more eager they'll be to display ownership.

Anyway thx anon for making the fourth part! from now on if anyone wants an addition to the naga series turn to the anons not me.

[levmada]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

[persefolli]

𝐀𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐍𝐞𝐲𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐢

𝐩𝐭. 𝟑 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐚

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐍𝐞𝐲𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭

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𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 | 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭

“Let me speak with Jake.” You said as soon as the guards came for your daily ration of food. The clan members had separated and locked you up away from Tonowari. 

“No can do.”

“Do you want to make an enemy out of me?”

“You were made an enemy as soon as you stepped foot on forest grounds.” He threw some utensils at your feet and walked off.

You hissed and turned around.

“Mawey Y/n.” You heard Tonowari say in the distance. He was locked up as well, separated from you.

“I'm not going to-!” You began to shout but took in a deep breath.  “This is not right!”

“I am just as confused and angry as you are.”

You huffed and took a seat on the cold cavern ground. Tonowari being grounded in this situation made you see that you were indeed acting irrationally. When your trial occurs you would stand before Jake, and explain to him that it was all a misunderstanding. Honestly, if he didn’t leave you wouldn’t be in this situation.

While you and Tonowari were rotting away in a cell, Jake was strolling around the village, helping some na’vi that needed to be aided. Neytiri had instructed all guards and council members to not notify Jake about the arrest, but Jake already had a gut feeling that something was wrong. 

Why?

The villagers were acting quite strange. As soon as he helped one member of the clan, another issue would arise. This wasn’t him complaining, since he was the Olo’eyktan, but why today of all days. 

“Olo’ekytan!” A young soldier walked up to him. “They have been fed for the day.”

“Who’s been fed for the day.”

The young warrior's face dropped. “Uh..the direhorses.” 

Jake stared at the warriors as he chuckled nervously and scurried away. Jake stood still for a few moments, determining if that interaction should confirm his suspicions that everyone was acting strange. 

He knew he couldn’t ask Neytiri, he didn’t trust her. That meant he would have to figure this out on his own. 

---

On another part of the mountains, Neytriri stood pacing in an area as a clan leader watched. She had both you and Tonowari in her custody, yet she was anxious. She didn’t think this out thoroughly enough. 

Ignoring the invitation to the clan meeting just wasn’t enough to keep you two, and it certainly wouldn’t be smart to kill you. 

She didn’t want to hurt you guys, she just wanted Jake to forget. He stayed on Pandora because of her, so how come you and Tonowari got the happy ending with him?

“I can’t let them go, that would just start an even bigger war.”

“We were supposed to put them on trial, Neytiri.”

“Jake is supposed to be present for stuff like that!” She seethes. “He can’t even know they’re here.”

The clan leader sighed, clearly beginning to get irritated with Neytiri's back and forth with the whole situation. She was so determined to bring the two of you down, now that it happened, she was having second thoughts. 

“I have an idea….but this may not go the way you think.” The clan leader spoke up,

Neytiri looked at him, before nodding. 

---

You were woken up at night. Waking to see navi warriors holding torches and inching closer, one of them holding wrist ties.

You allowed them to tie your wrists tightly, and yank you into the open cavern. You saw Tonowari already standing there, looking ashamed once making eye contact with you. It wasn’t often you saw him vulnerable like this, and you knew he felt defeated for not being able to protect you. You mouthed the words ‘I love you’ before being shoved forward and guided by some na’vi warriors. 

They escorted you two down the mountains, touching down in the forest before stopping at an opening. 

Neytiri emerged, wearing her war paint. She had her bow slung across her body and the basket of arrows on her shoulder.

“Neytiri-” You began, but she hissed, intending to shut you up, but you did the opposite. 

“I beg of you. I don’t know what I have done to offend you, but I ask of you to release Tonowari. The Metkayina need him.”

“No-” Tonowari stepped forward, causing the na’vi to hoot and stop him by crossing two spears to block his path. 

“Tonowari I need you to stop being noble for once and let me handle this!” You snapped. You didn’t mean to be so harsh about it, but this was a stressful situation for the both of you, and for once you wanted Tonowari to be selfish and put himself first.

“Please. Tsahik to Tsahik. Let him go.” You watched as Neytiri’s face contorted. Uh Oh. You had forgotten that her mother was still alive, so she was not yet Tsahik. It was an insult.

“We’re taking both of you. No loose ends.” Is all she said.

Your heart dropped. They weren’t gonna let either one of you go, and it would only be a matter of time before the situation escalates and a possible war outbreak.

They nudged you forward, prompting you to walk a few feet behind your husband. They had the two of you walking for what seemed like hours, and the terrain became less and less recognizable the further you got. 

The trees became less voluptuous and the ground looked dryer. The grass began to disappear and loud booms echoed from in front of you. After a few more steps, everyone halted. You leaned to the side, looking past Tonowari and gasping at the sight.

Sky People.

Large and heavy machinery rolled around as it seemed like they were building something. Everything was metal, and dirty.

Neytiri took a large breath, and looked towards the clan leader she had discussed earlier.

“There’s no turning back.” He said.

Neytiri nodded and marched forward, you, Tonowari, and the rest of the warriors in tow.

It seemed that the Sky People were fascinated at the entrance, stopping what they were doing to watch the parade of na’vi. You all headed to the large building that rested in front of you. It made you anxious, shivers running through your veins. You wanted Tonowari, you needed him, to be in his arms, but unfortunately he was as stuck as you.

At the entrance, a woman in military gear and a mask stood next to a tall na’vi man in military gear. 

You watched your husband tense in front of you.

“Well if it isn’t the man who speared half my crew.” The na’vi said with a toothy grin.

“I’ll do it ten times over if I have to.” Tonowari said darkly.

“Save it ... .I see you brought your wife.” He said smiling, a country accent seeping through. He walked past Tonowari and leaned down to face you.

“Nice to meet ya, i’m an old friend of your buddy here.” He nodded towards Neytiri.

“She is no buddy of mine.”

“Oh!” He said surprised. “Well I'm sure me and you will get quite acquainted, we have some history between me and your dear husband.”

“And who do you think you are?!”

“Miles. Miles Quaritch.”

 ----

Jake sat in his home alone, holding a pen and some paper. He was writing again, to you, and Tonowari. It would upset Neytiri, but he missed the both of you dearly.

He’s felt a weight on his shoulders the past few days. Neytiri was vague with him, and the visiting clan leaders seemed tight-lipped.

It was only safe to assume she was having an affair,

Jake wiggled his hand, looking down at the pathetic excuse of an apology that was written in front of him. He was determined to finish this letter tonight, and he was going to send it to you. He didn’t need a response from you, but if he knew you got it, he would be content for the time being.

As he sat, he became uncomfortable with the silence. There were far too many things that were nagging at him. He decided to get up and nip that eerie feeling in his stomach, exiting his home.

First he had to find that young warrior, the one who looked especially nervous to talk to him a few days ago.

It didn’t take long to find the young warrior, seeing him standing on the outskirts of the village, attentive, seemingly on the lookout. His eyes widened seeing Jake approach, gulping and avoiding eye contact. 

“Show me those direhorses you fed.”

𝐀/𝐧: 𝐏𝐭. 𝟒 (𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭) 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨

[thebeast-dennis-etcetera]

So Many Questions Part 3

Prompt: You’re pulled in for questioning by NCIS and are quickly surprised to see your ex-boyfriend as your interrogator.

Notes: Some characters are post season 11. Some smut ahead! @kittenlittle24

Part 2. Part 1.

“I’m here to see Agent Gibbs,” you told the security officer. Making a quick call, he nodded and let you through, now adorning a spiffy visitor pass on your chest.

You entered the big orange room with a small smile, grateful this time you weren’t here to be interrogated. You spotted Agent McGee and Bishop sitting at their desks but no sight of Jethro.

“Miss L/N. Everything alright?” McGee asked as you rounded the corner and chose a chair to sit in.

“Oh yeah, everything’s good. Except for the whole phsycho investor trying to kill me. I felt too vulnerable at my office so I came here to see if I could help in any way.”

Both agents gave you a look that you could only describe as part fear part awe.

“What’s the problem?” you asked, looking around to see if there was a big spider somewhere.

“Uh, you’re just sitting at Gibb’s desk. No one sits there except Gibbs,” Bishop answered, laughing nervously. Jeeze. Is Jethro really that intimidating that his agents are scared of a desk chair?

“Well I saw an empty seat and took it. He won’t mind I’m sure. He’s not even here.”

“Oh but I am,” you heard, turning to see Jethro walking over with a cup of coffee in hand. He stopped to stand in front of you and for a few seconds you both just stared at one another, a silent fight for dominance happening. If the chair was so important, you’d let him have it.

You stood up, now close enough to him to smell his aftershave and gave him a smirk. You always loved challenging him, but loved it more when he challenged you back, as it usually ending with him on top in the literal and figurative sense.

Stepping aside, he took a seat and you moved some of his papers so you could sit on the corner of his desk. His team looked thoroughly shocked but didn’t say anything as Jethro barked at them.

“What’d you got?”

“Well Torres and Quinn are interrogating Cheryll Reznik. She told them Ian Chandler had been talking with a man named Dominic. Bishop and I were able to connect an electronic payment he sent for 10k to a Dominic Waters. Turns out Dominic had just been released from prison about a week ago for armed robbery and aggravated assault. Perfect man for a small hit job in need of cash.”

“Then go bring him in McGee. Take Bishop with you.”

They both quickly scurried off, not wanting to be in the awkward space that you had made. Once the elevator doors closed behind them, you spun around, legs now hanging over Jethro’s side.

“Well you certainly have them trained well.”

“Yeah, they listen. Unlike you. I told you to go back to work, we’ve got this handled.”

You leaned in slightly, watching as his eyes briefly glanced down at your slightly opened blouse and then back at your eyes.

“You know how much I love pushing your buttons Jethro. Plus, I’ve been at work all day and haven’t been able to get anything done. I didn’t feel safe there without you there.”

You picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip, grimacing at the bitter taste. You forgot he liked his coffee plain.

“I’ve got an agent assigned to you when I’m not there,” he explained, taking the coffee out of your hands and taking a sip of his own.

“It’s not the same. Plus, I was thinking maybe we could get a bite to eat. Im starving and I’m assuming all you’ve had today is coffee.”

“No time. Got a killer to catch.”

“Yeah well you’ll be no good to anyone when you pass out from lack of food and an overdose on caffeine.”

He gave you the familiar look that let you know that he let you win the argument. He only ever gave it to you when he also secretly agreed with you.

Without a word, he got up and you hopped down to follow him with a triumphant smile.

————

“I don’t know why we couldn’t have gone to Duke’s. They’ve got the best beet salad,” you complained, sticking an overly cooked fry into your mouth. The little diner was cute but you were sure they weren’t known for their food.

“This place has good coffee.”

You watched him sip his probably 5th coffee of the day and rolled your eyes. Just then, your phone began ringing and you saw the caller ID as your next door neighbor.

“Hey Greg, what’s up?…What? Right now?….Can you see what he looks like?”

You listened to him give you a description and motioned to Jethro that it was important.

“Ok, no don’t confront them! We’re on our way!”

You hung up as Jethro had already gotten up and paid for the dinner.

“My neighbor just called saying someone was breaking into my place. His description was vague but it looked like they were looking for something.”

You both left the diner and sped off to your house. When you arrived, Greg was waiting out front and he gave you a hug, receiving a look from Jethro.

“They left just after I hung up with you. Took off in a blue sedan. I’m so glad you weren’t in there. I think I saw a gun.”

“Stay here,” Jethro ordered, pulling out his own gun and Greg’s eyes got wide.

“Don’t worry Greg. He’s a federal agent.”

The two of you waited as Jethro cleared the house and came back outside.

“What do you think he was looking for? Does this have anything to do with that crazy lady shooting you Y/N?” Greg asked as we all walked up the house steps.

“I’m not sure Greg, but I appreciate you calling.”

“Yeah no problem. I enjoy looking out for you,” he replied with a smile. Jethro gave him his classic hard stare and Greg cleared his throat awkwardly, smile fading.

“Alright. Well as long as you’re safe. Have a good-

The front door shut on him before he had a chance to finish his sentence and you looked at Jethro.

“He was just being nice Jet.”

“Mm-hm.”

You went around the semi trashed house, trying to figure out if anything was taken as Jethro picked up a little wooden boat from your shelf and inspected it.

“Your first gift to me. Made out of an old piece of driftwood I think you told me.”

He put it back and walked over to you as you finished putting back the couch cushions together.

“Well I don’t think anything was taken but honestly, I could be sure-

You were promptly interrupted by Jethro’s lips on yours and almost froze in shock.

When he didn’t make a move to pull away, you quickly matched his energy and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself closer.

You both took steps until you felt your back touch the hallway wall. His kisses moved from your lips to your neck as you pulled his jacket off.

“Bedroom. Now,” he spoke huskily, sparking a fire within you. Grabbing his hand, you led him down the hallway and into your bedroom that had also clearly been tossed. You could’ve cared less as the both of you got undressed, Jethro setting his gun and badge down on your bedside table and pulling you into bed.

He didn’t stay on top too long before grabbing you so that you sat atop of him, easily sinking down onto his more than ready length. You both moaned at the contact and you made quick work, rocking back and forth with Jethro’s big hands gripping your hips.

“Just like that baby,” he grunted, looking up at you as you let your head fall back in ecstasy. His hands traveled so that your breasts were being squeezed and pinched, quickly bringing you closer to your climax.

“I can’t last much longer Jet,” you panted, clenching around him, making his eyes close.

He sat up and pulled you in for another kiss, hands helping keep up your rythmic pace until you fell apart, orgasm hitting you like a freight train. He wasn’t far behind, groaning and holding you still as he filled you up, knowing you loved it when he came inside of you.

Breaths heavy as you both came down from your high, you stayed together, embracing each other. He tiredly peppered kisses on your shoulder and gently ran his fingers across your back, making you shiver.

He chuckled and pressed a kiss against your ear. “You were always so easily overstimulated.”

“Yeah well you make it so easy with your talented multi-tasking.”

Eventually, you two separated, you heading into the bathroom to clean up. When you came out, Jethro was on the phone but handed you your clothes.

“Yup. We’ll be right there.”

He hung up and finished tucking and buttoning up his dress shirt.

“That was McGee. They’ve got Dominic in interrogation. He wants to confess.”

“That’s great,” you said, getting dressed and walking over to him as he clipped his badge on and gun on. Fixing his dishelved hair, you smiled and pecked his lips.

“I hope you’ll still come by even after we nail this bastard.”

“Well someone’s gotta make sure Greg keeps his distance.”

You laughed and followed him out.

[fayes-fics]

Too Much

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader, Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader (threesome), modern AU

Summary: Anthony and Benedict take on a challenge you set them.

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, MMF threesome, dom/sub dynamics, use of pet/play names/titles (baby girl, kitten, sir), dirty talk, vaginal fingering, sex toys (vibrator), oral sex (m to f), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, brief loss of consciousness.

Word Count: 4.1k

Authors Note: this is a double request fill for @demonic-black-queen and Anon (HERE and HERE). I hope you don't mind me combining your requests into this one-shot. Im not sure about it, but I hope it fits your requests. Unbetaed. Enjoy<3

“What the…?!?”

You almost jump out of your skin and spin around to find two sets of shocked eyes trained on you. You didn’t hear anyone enter the flat with your AirPods in.

“El isn’t here,” you point out once you rally from the scare. 

You decide to push through the mortification of being found dancing through your flat in your underwear on a Saturday afternoon. They are the ones who shouldn’t be here, after all, her two oldest brothers. Both look utterly delicious in faded tees and jeans, something you are trying (but failing) not to notice.

“Yes, we know she’s away for a week; that’s why we are here,” Anthony responds, steadfastly looking at your face, but you can see a vein in his temple is pulsing. 

“We came to assemble some standing desk she’s been on about,” Benedict explains, stepping out from behind his older brother. “We are so sorry to intrude; El told us you would be out this weekend too,” he adds apologetically, but you don’t miss the momentary flicker of his gaze down your body.

“I was supposed to be,” you admit with a conciliatory nod, “change of plans, useless now ex-boyfriend,” you throw your hands up in a shrugging gesture.

“What happened?” Benedict blurts out, then appears to check himself. “Sorry, ignore that; it’s none of our business.”

You decide to shock them with part of the truth. If they are going to interrupt your alone time in your own home, you are going to have a little fun. See how they react. “Couldn’t make me orgasm enough,” you twist your lips into a coquettish pout, raising an eyebrow. “Couldn’t tame me properly enough either; I need a better dom than that.”

Benedict splutters a surprised cough and then looks thoroughly entertained.

“Not surprised. You’re a total brat,” Anthony mutters under his breath.

“What was that?” you throw back boldly, wanting to see where this could go. An illicit thrill runs down your spine as you cross your arms under your breasts, knowing it frames them so well.

“I said you’re a little brat, and you need to learn when to shut up,” Anthony states louder, more intentionally, his eyes flitting down to your cleavage. You see out of the corner of your eye Benedict’s gaze ping-ponging between you, a bemused expression on his handsome features.

“You’re not the boss of me,” you volley back every cell alive at this challenge. You’ve always had this antagonistic, dangerously flirty vibe with El’s oldest brother whenever he comes to visit. It’s like he knows without saying what buttons to press to rile you up in every sense.

Anthony advances on you with a strong gait; you inhale sharply as he pulls up inches from you, so close you can feel his body heat—looking down at you with a clipped expression.

“If I were, you’d be quiet and over my knee by now,” he opines darkly, and you ripen, feeling your body readying for him. 

Please, yes, please.

Instead, you just raise an eyebrow. “I’d like to see you try,” you goad, tossing your hair a little for good measure. 

Anthony’s face morphs into a predatory smile; you have to swallow around a lump in your throat as he leans in. “You don’t stand a chance with both of us,” he cautions.

Your breath catches, your eyes flitting past him to Benedict, whose face is still one of amusement, but something else is there too, a glint, a heat in his eye you didn’t notice before. “Are you a dom too?” you ask, attempting casual. It's not even a question you bother posing to Anthony; his nose is inches from your neck, sniffing your scent, animal-like.

“I can be when the situation calls for it,” Benedict responds assuredly, pushing off where he leans nonchalantly, “and this definitely calls for it,” he adds, licking his lip and turning to face you more squarely. 

“So what say you?” Anthony prompts, his voice like velvet, a hand hovering but not touching your hip, awaiting your permission to touch, to play. Respectful in a way that makes you want this, them, even more.

“I say…” you pause for dramatic effect, meeting Benedict’s eyes as your hand lands in Anthony’s hair, and he inhales sharply at the drag of your nails on his scalp. “Try me, Bridgerton.” 

The challenge issued is the green light Anthony needs, grabbing your hips harshly, sure to leave fingerprints. 

“Limits?” he inquires as his teeth graze your neck.

“Nothing that will scar; otherwise, let’s see what you come up with,” you return, pulse racing, being intentionally vague, wanting to see how wild they can be.

“Alright then,” he huffs, amused, “safe word?”

“Blueberry,” a soft sigh escaping your lips as he bites into you harsher.

“That’s cute,” you feel his smile against your skin.

“Exactly, just like me,” you reply precociously, and there is another chuckle—from the younger brother this time, as Benedict rounds behind you and a large hand cups your entire skull, tilting it back so you look up at him through heavy lashes.

“You’ll regret riling him up,” he warns, leaning close. “Tell me, what do you like to be called when you play like this? Hmm?” His question is sweet and considerate to ask. “Little one? Kitten? Baby girl?”

“All, any of those,” you whisper, your cupid’s bow catching his lip as you do so, Anthony’s hands sweeping down to grab your buttocks and heave you against his toned body. Benedict crowds into your back, and you feel your stomach clench as you are trapped between them.

“I like a girl who gives options,” Benedict murmurs approvingly and then he captures your lips in an almost bruising kiss, those long fingers flexing against your scalp, directing you as Anthony’s mouth slides around to your throat.

Oh, this will be excellent.

“Are you both going to get as undressed as me?” you urge as Benedict breaks the kiss.

They both laugh in response, and you feel the vibration against your front and back; it's enthralling.

“It might be best if we stay dressed for today,” Benedict answers, causing you to pout at him. “You don't think we can bring you blinding pleasure without removing our clothes?” he intuits your thoughts.

“No, I don't,” you reply honestly.

Anthony pulls you towards him, his lips ghosting yours. “Oh, then you have so much to learn about what a good dom is, baby girl. I could make you pass out and not remove an ounce of clothing.”

You gasp into his bruising kiss as Benedict's hands sweep around your sides. “He's right,” Benedict gusts into your ear, his fingers tracing the notches of your spine. “We can make you come so many times you’ll beg us to stop.”

“Yeah, right,” you goad defiantly into Anthony’s mouth, and he yanks you away by the hair at the base of your scalp.

“Challenge accepted, baby girl,” he growls. 

With a nod to Benedict, you squeal as they pick you up as if you weigh nothing and move towards your bedroom, slamming open the door open so it bangs loudly against the wall and throwing you onto your bed with a force that would usually annoy you, but right now just heightens your pleasure, a little bit of rough handling sometimes increases your arousal.

They both climb onto the bed on either side of you, bracketing your body so you can't move, twining their ankles around yours so your legs are held open while guiding your hands to your headboard.

“Hold on here, and don't let go until we say so,” Anthony orders, hot in your ear. “Now, where is your vibrator?” 

“Bedside drawer,” you stutter, nodding to the one over Benedict’s shoulder.

He twists around to find it as Anthony runs a finger across your bra. “How attached are you to this underwear?” 

“Not particularly.”

“Good,” he states firmly, “because I am in the mood to rip it off your body.” the casual way he says it makes you gasp as Benedict turns back with your vibrator in hand, placing it onto the pillow above your head for now. They both run their hands over the plane of your body, landing on your underwear. “With both of us, this little scrap doesn't stand a chance, ” he warns.

Your gaze pings between them, your arousal rocketing as they grasp the fabric between their dextrous hands; the noise of fabric ripping fills the air. They remove the scraps of material from around your body, cool air swirling your soaked flesh where they hold your legs open.

Fuck, that is hot.

“Oh, this is lovely, kitten,” Benedict rumbles as his long fingers trail through your trimmed, shaped hair patch.

It's the first time someone has complimented your pubic hair, and watch wide-eyed as a smirk crawls across his face, his hand slipping lower. You gasp as he unerringly finds your clit and brushes against it, achingly light. Anthony’s hands are busy pulling your thighs even wider apart, then spidering up your inner thigh until his, too, reaches your folds.

“Baby girl, you are soaking for us,” his voice gravelly as you moan when he slips a finger inside you. “Oh, you like that, don't you?” he adds, his smile also dangerous.

You bite your lip and nod enthusiastically, still barely believing this is how the surprise encounter has turned out. With Benedict's fingers on your clit and Anthonys inside you, you know you are in trouble already. They know precisely what they are doing; Anthony slides a second finger inside, so you feel a stretch as Benedict hooks his thumb under your clitoral hood and starts to flick against your most sensitive nub.

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, your head flopping back and then their warms lips are on your body, starting at your neck and nibbling their way down your heated collarbones to the edge of your bra.

As if timed perfectly, they each push down a cup, and their tongues swirl your nipples simultaneously; you are thrown so close to orgasm it's unbelievable. Eyes shut and crying out.

“Kitten, does it truly take so little?” Benedict laughs, trailing his nose over your nipple as he expertly teases your clit.

“I have no idea what is happening, fucking hell,” your throat dry, your mind unable to compute how quickly they are hurtling you towards an edge.

“It's evident this little brat has never had a real dom tame her before,” Anthony says airily, adding a third finger into you and wringing mortifying sounds from your body.  “Holding her down and showing her just how fast she can come with…” he pauses to hook onto a spot inside that makes you squeal, “expert hands…” he adds, bemused.

“Yes, fine, okay, you win,” you exhale shakily, your pussy burning white hot, “just please, please don't stop,” you whine, your hands curled tight around the cold metal posts of your headboard. 

With a glance at each other that you know is some silent communication, Anthonys' fingers rocking deeper into you and curling into a hook on every stroke as Benedict circles your clit at an increasing pace, all as their tongues tease your nipples incessantly, their bodies holding you down and open to their wonderful ministrations. A long low curse leaves your lips as you ratchet so high it's almost dizzying.

“Yes, that's it, baby girl, give it to us,” Anthony buzzes against your breast.

“Come on, kitten,” Benedict adds, surging up to capture your lips as he senses the tugging fluttering sensation around your clit.

And then you are breaking, your mind switching off, routed in the fireworks in your body, fighting them to buck your hips against the tide ripping through your body, but they won't let you, holding your legs down and open as you orgasm helplessly under their control. Your cunt clenching Anthonys' fingers so forcefully he growls.

“Brother, you have to have your fingers inside this little cunt when it orgasms; feel the power there; it’s quite amazing,” he comments casually as you float somewhere on a cloud. “I tell you, it must be absolute heaven to have that clenching around your cock.”

“Then I suggest we swap,” Benedict volleys back, bemused.

“Wha… what do you mean?” you slur drowsily, barely back in the room from your out-of-body and mind experience, moaning gently as Anthony’s fingers slip from inside you.

“Now you will come around his fingers, baby girl,” Anthony tutors.

“But I just came?” you frown, still confused.

Benedict chuckles, his hands trailing up your patch of hair to your dewy belly. “You think once is enough, kitten? Oh no, you will keep coming until we tell you otherwise,” an undercurrent of something dark and smokey in his cadence.

“But I…” you protest weakly.

“You thought we were joking?” Anthony responds incredulously, “No baby girl, you will come over and over and over.”  

You swallow thickly as you realise they mean it, and you cry out as Anthony’s thumb slowly circles your clit, still swollen and throbbing from your orgasm.

“Oh god…” you whisper, feeling overwrought. 

“Oh yes, come on, you should be able to come again very soon,” he lectures, “maybe harder this time.”

“Look at me,” Benedict commands, and you swing your head to the side to give him your full attention, your eyes staring into his inky blank pupils as a crooked grin claims his face, and he slips a finger inside you. Your mouth makes an undignified noise as he does, still fluttering a little from your orgasm. You feel him triumphantly studying your facial reaction as he reaches even deeper than Anthony. “Aren't you delightfully tight,” he murmurs into your cheek, and you are grateful his movements are slow, precise, gently adding a second finger and rocking into you with a rhythmic push.

“That's it, baby girl,” Anthony praises, and you sway your face towards him, letting him kiss your lips and hush you with soft brushes on your clit.

“Go easy on me,” you warn, but it's met with a hollow chuckle, and suddenly, their hands start to move faster, and you look at them in turn pleadingly.

“When will you learn, baby girl?” Anthony replies, his tone flint-edged as he flicks your clit so deftly you pant. “We are in charge here; we set the rules. The minute you tell us what to do, we will do the opposite. Until you learn not to be such… a… little… brat...” he punctuates each of the last three words with a tooth grazing around your nipple, and you are clinging to the headboard for dear life, knuckles turning white as you feel yourself pushing higher and higher. 

They aren't treating you daintily, and it's precisely what you need. Your mouth hangs open; you twist to bite your own bicep as they suckle on your breasts and twine their legs higher around yours as you start to fight their hold.

“Nuh uh uh,” Anthony clucks, “don't fight us, baby girl, you know you want this, come on break again, show him what you can do,” he dares you, as Benedict's fingers feel so powerful you can't avoid what is coming. 

“Oh my little kitten, I can feel you pulsing,” Benedict nuzzles your face with his nose, driving his fingers into you forcefully as Anthony circles your clit so fast you can't breathe. 

Your eyes roll back, emitting a noise halfway between a squeal and a shout as you feel yourself breaking again. A dam inside you gives way, a gush of wetness as you convulse vice-like around Benedict's fingers, both of them making noises of triumphant surprise as your entire body tenses under their grip. Every fibre in you feels like it snaps then pings back. You scream so loud you are grateful this converted warehouse has such thick concrete walls.

“Wow… I had to use all my strength to fight to stay inside you there, kitten; my brother was right,” Benedict murmurs, but you can barely take it on board as his fingers slip from inside you. Incapable of doing anything but whimpering, your body experiences little aftershocks that make your brain akin to static.

And then Anthony is reaching over your head, and the trademark buzz of your vibrator starts up.

“Nononono,” you protest lightly, forgetting it was there, even as you know they aren't going to heed you. Your only way out of this is your safe word, which is the very last thing you want to utter. Anthony trails the vibrating tip in a long line down the middle of your body, your whiny protest being disregarded. You scream again as the strong pulse hits your overly sensitive nub.

“Oh god, I can't. I can't; it’s too much,” you wail, your head thrashing from side to side—it's the only thing you can move with them both restraining you.

“You can, and you will, kitten,” Benedict replies, his large hand on your belly, smearing your juices across your skin.

Your whole body is overstimulated; sweat slicks your body as you flush so hot again, your nipples burning from the shadow of stubble around their mouths, your cunt still clenching in waves, your clit almost painful, distended, throbbing so hard you swear it's where your heartbeat now lives.

“I can't come again. I can't.”

“Stop whining,” Anthony barks and presses the vibe firmly into you so you feel the waves all the way up into your public bone.

“Please no…” you wail, wracking breaths, fighting air into your lungs.

“That's not your safe word, baby girl,” Anthony reminds you as you curl your lips under your teeth, not wanting to say it by accident. “Hmm, that's what I thought,” he smirks before heavily running his tongue on your breast again.

You are cursing now, panting, unable to fight the tide approaching you yet again, so fast, so strong.

“Here it is,” he gloats, and his whole leg presses harshly on yours as your hips want to cant up high off the bed. 

This time it’s a wave you feel powerless to fight, so you just let it wash over you. Every cell of your being feels electric, your body tingling as you can't stop quivering.

“Please, please, please, please,” you stutter into his lips, tears forming at the corner of your eyes, appealing for mercy, but he doesn't remove the vibrator from where it rests on your white hot clit.

“Oh baby girl, do you have any idea how beautiful you are right now?” he flatters, running a hand into your hair that is no doubt sweaty and tangled. “Kiss him,” he orders, nodding to Benedict.

Drowsily, you find yourself turning to obey.

 “Good fucking girl,” Anthony hisses a compliment in your ear as Benedict's tongue invades your mouth. “It looks like you are finally behaving for your doms.”

You feel yourself slipping away slightly as Benedict breaks the kiss, falling into a space where your mind is in the backseat, willing to follow their instructions without a thought except to please them.

“Brother, I think this kitten is finally in her little submissive state,” Benedict opines, running his hand possessively on your skin, petting you like a cat.

“You are right,” Anthony concurs, and you passively smile as they look down at you.

“One more orgasm, my baby girl, then you can rest,” Anthony whispers into your cheek, and you nod blithely.

“No vibrator, please. Tongue,” you appeal meekly, twining your fingers around the metal posts you cling to.

“Oh, kitten, you want one of us to slip between your legs and suck your swollen little clit into our mouth? Bite down until you scream?” Benedict dusks in your ear, painting a debauched picture with his words.

“Please yesss,” you implore, looking at him so beseechingly.

“Whose tongue?” Anthony inquires.

“I don't mind; you are both so wonderful, sir,” you confess with a sigh, floating away.

“This was your idea,” Benedict capitulates to his elder brother. “Go ahead; I’ll hold her down and talk to her.”

Anthony nods, and you feel a crest of victory in your veins as he swings above your body and shuffles down, ploughing his tongue into your folds without preamble. He licks a strong line up to your clit, and you cry out with the slightest nudge. His strong arms wrap around your legs and pull you obscenely wide open to his ministrations; there is no way for you to battle this hold. Then Benedict is kissing you hard again, stealing your breath, the sensation of both of their tongues inside different parts of your body utterly overwhelming.

“Does that feel good, kitten?” he nudges your head to the side to whisper in your ear as Anthony feasts on your body.

“Yes sir,” your words still slurred, drunk on sensation.

“Do you promise to always be a good obedient little one for us from now on?” he queries with a smug tone.

“Yes sir,” your heart sings that they might be willing to play more with you as Anthony’s talented tongue circles your clit teasingly, making your belly tense in anticipation. 

“Should I tell you what we plan to do to you next time?” he intones as he tugs your earlobe with his teeth.

“Please, yes sir,” you appeal.

“How about we take our clothes off?” he begins, and you bite your lip, eager at the idea, moaning loudly as Anthony sucks on your clit, flicking the nub with a speared tongue. “Will you get on your knees for us?” Again, you can only nod, under their spell entirely. “Good kitten,” he praises, running a hand over your breast and pinching the tip so hard you scream. “I love how responsive you are; I cannot wait to be inside your mouth, your cunt…” the way that word drips decadently from him makes you uncurl your hand from the headboard and grab his shoulder. “Put that hand back right now, you bad kitten,” he warns gently, and you immediately obey. You go to apologise, but it comes out a scream as Anthony flicks on the vibrator and pushes it into your cunt just an inch, but it's enough to make you light-headed.

“Yes, that's it; I want you to scream as I fuck you, just like that,” Benedict growls, his breath uneven, and you notice a teeming urgency as he thrusts his hard cock caged inside his jeans against your hip.

Something about his desperation makes you crave them, saying whatever pops into your head uncensored. “I want you both to fuck me so hard, sir… at the same time.”

Benedict growls a little and bites your earlobe again. “Yes, kitten, we will do that.”

You can sense the desperation in Anthony, too, the mattress moving slightly as he pushes his pelvis into it rhythmically. His suction and heated mouth are enough, but with a flick of his finger, he turns the vibrator to the maximum, and you start swirling a black hole of consciousness, the pleasure so intense that you let out a noise that sounds inhuman to your ears.

“Yes, that’s it, my little wild kitten. Let’s hear all those gorgeous noises,” is snarled against your damp forehead.

It's the last thing you hear as your mind yells too much, too much, and a sudden, intense, almost violent tidal wave sweeps you away, overwhelming everything, the world going dark and quiet….

…. You emerge from that inky place to gentle whispers and soft hands petting your body in soothing motions. 

“Come back to us, baby girl,” Anthony coos, and it takes you a few moments to realise he has moved from between your legs and is at your side again. You also realise your hands are no longer wrapped around the spindles behind your head but resting gently on your tummy as they rub your shoulders, relieving the slight ache there.

Their voices continue with lavishing praise as you gradually return to your senses, running your tongue over your lips, your mouth feeling full of cotton wool.

“What happened?” you croak, barely audible.

“You blacked out on us, baby girl,” Anthony giggles, “just for a few seconds,” he reassures.

They draw you into a joint comforting embrace as your blissfully fuzzy mind comes back online, your body weak from shaking so much. You feel akin to a newborn animal, learnings your limbs and blinking in the light. When their faces come into focus, their expressions are adoring, their fingers tracing gentle patterns on your body.

“Welcome back, kitten; you are amazing,” Benedict smiles sweetly.

“Thank you,” you slur in reply, sated and so happy.

You fall asleep at their encouragement, pressed between their comforting bodies. And the best part? They are still there when you wake up again a few hours later.

They may actually assemble the desk for El…. eventually. Just maybe not tonight. Or tomorrow. Before she gets back. Maybe.

Anthony & Benedict taglists: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @queenofmean14 @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @angels17324 @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @elizah99 @truly-dionysus @fictionalmenloversblog @debheart @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @amanda08319 @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @mlovesbridgerton @m-rae23 @last-sheep @kmc1989 @desert-fern @starkeylover @corpseoftrees-queen @jeanfreau

[thethreeeyed-raven]

Hi !!! First I wanna say that I love the aesthetic of ur account it’s so pretty and nicely put together I’m obsessed. Second, I was wondering if I could request something for a Legolas x half elf reader where the reader is very like, unladylike, and doesn’t follow elven traditions ?? Like she’s very brash, flirts with lots of people, drinks a lot, doesn’t really have any of that elegance or poise that he’s used to when it comes to eleven girls and is a extremely good fighter. She’s a trusted friend of Gandalf and he brings her to the council of Elrond and she joins the fellowship and all dat.

Ok I’m done sorry if that’s too detailed feel free to not write it if you don’t want to, don’t want you to feel pressured to jus cause I asked 😅

i think you are beautiful

navigation | warnings : gimlis a little bitch, a little bit of angst? a little bit of gimli/dwarf slander😭 | a/n : if this isn’t what you want then i’m sorry😭, also of the elvish is wrong PLEASE LMK i literally used an sindarin, i kind of forgot about the flirty part and half elf part, but it’s mentioned a little bit, i asp used british slang for ‘hello’ IM BRITISH | lotr masterlist | tags : @knight-of-flowerss @lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom

Legolas hadn't expected to see you at Elrond's secret meeting.

He didn't even know you knew Gandalf. Well, he didn't know much about you at all really. Of course, Legolas has seen you before, with the adventures he went on with Aragorn and what not, he was hardly ever seen around Lothlórien, and he was sure you were too.

But when you entered the circle of middle-earth creatures with your eccentric aura and manly stance, he thought of you intriguing.

"Another bloody elf?!" Gimli explained in disgust.

Legolas turned to the dwarf seated beside him, opening his mouth ready to throw a remark back when you interrupted.

"Well you are in the Rivendell, dwarf. If you are willing to help with the destruction of the ring, you must watch your tongue, before I cut it out." You threw him a smirk, and watched as Gimli shrunk back in his seat.

"Y/n! I've been expecting you for quite some time." Gandalf made his way over and enveloped you into a hug, which you reciprocated.

"You did show up in the middle of nowhere when I was trying to fish, you owe me a pint, don't forget."

You patted his back and made you way over to an empty chair, which was ironically beside Legolas.

"Oreyt there Legolas?" You patted his shoulder and look towards Elrond. "Let's get on with it then!"

It had been about a week since you and the fellowship had attended Elrond's secret council meeting, and since then, you hadn't really bonded with anyone like everyone else had, though you thoroughly enjoyed flirting.

You knew Aragorn already had his heart set on Arwen, Gimli couldn't stand you (you found it funny to rile him up).

Legolas was your favourite to tease.

He wasn't used to your heavy drinking, swordsmanship, the way your eyes glistened in the moonlight...

You weren't at all what he had thought.

You had a kind heart. And your beauty went beyond those of the other elven women.

And Gimli made sure to point out that you were different.

"Are you sure you're not a man?"

You turned around to look at him, holding back a frown.

"Wait, you're not a man?" Pippin chimed in, finally causing the frown to appear and you started to walk ahead of Gandalf. "Did I say something wrong?"

Nearly an hour later, you all had found a place to rest, yet you didn't talk throughout the whole way through.

Legolas and Aragorn were relieving themselves of their weapons when Legolas peered over at you who stood in the far corner away from everyone else, but near enough for you to hear him insult Gimli.

"I norn na- an imbecile." He placed his arrows next to his bow and Aragorn turned to look at him.

"Whui ceri- cin eithad Gimli? Does ha gar- something na ceri- with ui/n?" Aragorn questioned him.

"-o iór ha does! How berth- ho ask hen such a nad! At least with ammen galadrim mín know what mín are!"

Gimli looked up at Boromir who wasn't paying any mind to the rather loud conversation they were having.

"What are the elf and the man speaking about?"

Boromir just shrugged. "I don't know, I don't speak Sindarin.

You, having understood their conversation, smiled a little to yourself, happy that at least someone here would defend you.

You sat quietly beside a lake, inspecting the flora surrounding you, when you heard footsteps.

You swung your body round, placing your hand on the blade strapped to your leg.

The sound revealed itself to be Legolas. "There you are, Gandalf sent me to make sure you weren't missing."

You nodded and motioned him to sit next to you.

"You were being rather loud with Aragorn earlier." You chuckled as you watched a red tint spread across Legolas' cheeks. "Thank you."

Legolas nodded in acknowledgment and he was about to stand up when you grabbed ahold of his hand.

Your hand was rough, no doubt from the countless weapons you have wielded or practised with.

"Legolas, do you think I'm pretty?"

He was taken aback by your sudden question.

Since you were little you had struggled with femininity. Your hobbies were 'un-ladylike', your looks were considered to be 'manly'.

The silence was too loud, too long. So you took that as a no.

"I think you are beautiful. And I think you're too good for anyone here." He sat back down next to you. "Not only are your combat skills exceptional, but the way you carry yourself outshines any of the elvish women. They can't compete."

You moved closer, until your pinky was touching his.

"I may not know you that well, I've hardly ever seen you around Rivendell or any of the elven parts for that matter, and quite frankly, I couldn't care less if you were half elf, or half dwarf, or half whatever. I've still admired you from afar-"

You shut him up with a quick kiss to his lips.

Aragorn watched further away from the bushes, shaking his head with a grin, then going to tell Gandalf that you were safe.

"Im like cin verui limb legolas, a im gar- admired cin o palan too."

ELVISH TRANSLATION

‘I norn na- an imbecile’ - the dwarf is an imbecile

‘Whui ceri- cin eithad Gimli?’ - why do you insult Gimli?

‘Does ha gar- something na ceri- with ui/n?’ - does it have something to do with Y/n?

‘-o iór ha does! How berth- ho ask hen such a nad! At least with ammen galadrim mín know what mín are!’ - of course it does! how dare he ask her such a thing! at least with us elves we know what we are!

‘Im like cin verui limb legolas, a im gar- admired cin o palan too’ - i like you very much legolas, and i have admired you from afar too

[bwabys-scenarios]

Fixer Upper

Part 26

Perv!Kurapika x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

part 25

part 27

warning: Kurapika spies on reader while she masturabates, non-consensual picture taking(just her face, but putting this just in case)

taglist: @fabitheraven @tsukilover11 @ashdownunderscorebeloved @lemonslut @homeinmydreams @superweeniehutjrsblog @bugmomwrites @heartsforseo @lixiawinter @altaircc @itszenava @fiightforlovee @mimi-sanisanidiot @monainanuttshell @wow-im-gay @whorermoviestar @lightshowerrr @mama-m1na @nenggie @wicked-binch @jamayah @themanicwriter01

If you’d like to be ADDED to the tawglist, please comment a red heart ❤️, make sure you’re able to be tagged/mentioned, and have your age in your bio(IF YOU ARE ALREADY ON THE TAGLIST, YOU DON’T NEED TO ASK TO BE ADDED AGAIN!!)

The next few days passed by in a cold silence. Never had (Name)’s house felt so icy, so devoid of warmth. Each member of the household felt a chill in the air, not a single day passing by without the constant reminder that their typically kind and warm (Name) was holed up in her room, not talking to anyone.

“Do you think she’ll come out today?” Kurapika asked as he prepared breakfast. It was one of the only meals he knew how to cook after learning from (Name) during the Hunter Exam.

“If I had to look at your ugly face every day, I would stay up in my room too.”

Leorio glanced up from his newspaper. “That was pretty weak, Killua. You already have to see him every day.”

Killua sighed, Leorio was right. He had been struggling to come up with good insults lately. His spirits were down, and he missed his mom.

“… well, breakfast is ready.”

Kurapika had also been struggling to stay angry at the halfhearted taunts Killua sent his way. It was hard enough to wake up in the morning and get out of bed knowing the pain (Name) went through for him, because of him.

Soft footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs, and for the first time in nearly a week, the three perked up. Alluka was out visiting a friend, there was only one other person it could be.

“Mom!”

Killua jumped up, about to run towards her. That was until they all felt the temperature in the room go down a few degrees. At least, that’s what it felt like when they caught sight of her cold, neutral expression.

“Good morning.”

A good morning from (Name) had never felt so bad. She didn’t say anything further, simply pushing past Kurapika to make herself a bowl of cereal.

“I… I made breakfast,” Kurapika said in a soft voice. (Name) didn’t even look up from her bowl, taking a bite before walking out to sit at the farthest end of the kitchen table.

“I saw.”

An awkward silence filled the room, even Killua feeling sorry for Kurapika. (Name)’s anger didn’t burn as hot as the sun like Kurapika’s did. No, her anger was as cold as an unforgiving winter’s night. Ice might melt in the presence of flames, but even a scorching fire was no match for a blizzard.

“Are you… feeling okay?”

Leorio was the first to speak up, setting his newspaper aside to give (Name) a concerned look. She was silent for a moment longer.

“No, in all honesty, I’m not. I… don’t want to talk about it. We have more pressing matters.”

This seemed to catch the collective attention of the group. Kurapika and Killua took their seats at the table, eating breakfast as (Name) continued. “As some of you know, I have a fall celebration planned that I invited all of our friends to. It’s happening a little under two weeks, so I’ll need everyone to start getting preparations ready.”

Leorio nodded, taking out a pad of paper and a pen. “Alright, tell us what we need to do, sunshine.”

“First, the house needs to be cleaned, and I mean cleaned thoroughly.”

Killua glanced around the house, seeing it had deteriorated while (Name) was holed up in her room. “Yeah… it’ll need a thorough cleaning.”

Kurapika mostly stayed quiet, eating his breakfast as (Name) explained their plans. He didn’t want to upset her after everything.

(Name) sighed softly, finishing her cereal. “It’s going to be a tough two weeks, but it’ll… be worth it to have fun with everyone. I… haven’t spent the holiday season with all of my friends before.”

This made Kurapika frown. He had left York New two years ago right before the holiday season. (Name) had texted him before he ghosted her that she was extremely excited to spend Halloween, the fall season, and Christmas with him. He hadn’t even stopped to think about how she felt being alone during the holidays.

“Thankfully I’ve had Leorio, and then Killua and Gon last year. Otherwise… I would have been all alone.”

Kurapika flinched, shrinking into himself. He was the only one that hadn’t spent any sort of holiday besides Halloween with her, and he was determined to change that. “… I’m taking some time off of work and… my mission. I’ll be here for the party and Christmas.”

This shocked everyone, especially (Name). She finally looked at him for the first time that morning, her eyes a little wide. “Oh… that’s… that’s nice.”

The air seemed to go up a few degrees. It was still cold, but not as chilly as before. Everyone relaxed, Killua leaning against (Name)’s shoulder.

—————

A few days passed with the group getting ready for their fall gathering. Leorio and Killua were on cleaning duty, while Kurapika, Alluka, and (Name) would be working on getting the grocery list and food preparation.

“Mama, mama!”

Nanika pulled at (Name)’s skirt, her smile wide. “Hmm? What is it sweetheart?”

She giggled, hiding her face in (Name)’s chest. “I’m excited! Want to bake cookies!”

(Name) scooped her up, balancing her on her hip as she pulled out some flour. “Mmm, I was planning on making cookies for our gathering, might as well practice, yeah?”

Nanika cheered, clapping as (Name) gathered all of the ingredients for their cookies. She glanced at a cab of peaches sitting in the corner of her cabinet, thinking back to Kurapika saying he would be staying for the holiday season, even taking a break from his mission to spend time with them.

‘… he’s trying, I’ll… I’ll make him some peach cobbler.’

Earlier that day, Kurapika had locked himself up in his room. (Name) had assumed he was either not feeling well or just tired from all the preparations they’d been making. He deserved a break, and she wanted to do something nice for him. Kurapika had been trying his best to be helpful, even if he often failed miserably.

(Name) made cookies with Nanika and worked on the peach cobbler. She sat the girl down with a few freshly baked cookies and a cup of milk, Killua sneaking a few before settling on the couch with his sister to watch a movie as (Name) finished up some baking.

Once the peach cobbler was done, (Name) waited for it to cool down to a warm temperature before placing some and a scoop of ice cream in a bowl. ‘He loves cobbler, Kurapika will be so happy!’

There was no light shining from underneath his door, and when she knocked there was no answer. ‘That’s… unusual. Is he not home? I didn’t see him leave.’

(Name) wasn’t the type to walk into Kurapika’s room unannounced(she didn’t want to embarrass him by catching masturbating or crying), but… she was a little worried. So, despite her hesitance, she opened the door and peeked in.

“Kurapika?”

The blonde was kneeling by his nightstand, which had been turned into a makeshift altar. Candles, flowers, and a bowl of fruit decorated the small table, with the newest pairs of the scarlet eyes (Name) got sat in the center.

Kurapika had his eyes closed in prayer when she walked in. He looked up, anger flashing across his face. “Are you trying to be disrespectful? Today’s the only day I can feel connected… to my clan! Get out!”

She flinched when he yelled, setting the peach cobbler on his dresser. “S-sorry, I… I didn’t know this day was… sacred.”

(Name) closed the door, hurrying away as fast as she could.

Kurapika took a minute to calm down, looking up to see the peach cobbler (Name) brought him. In his anger, he hadn’t even thought to ask her why she walked in, or considered that there was no way she would know about a Kurta only holiday.

He grabbed the peach cobbler, his stomach sinking when he saw she had shaped it into a heart. She was trying to make things better, to treat him to his favorite dessert after not seeing him all day. Kurapika placed the peach cobbler on the altar, sighing softly.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at her…mom, that’s the girl I like. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and I don’t know how she puts up with me. I also think if she were here right now, she’d offer you something to eat. I hope you guys like it.”

He kneeled back down, brushed off his tabard and held his hands together in prayer.

————————

It seemed like everything was going well. It was a few days before the celebration when Kurapika’s and Leorio’s phones beeped at the same time.

They had been taking a break, watching a movie while (Name) finished up cooking dinner. Leorio was the first to look at his phone, his shoulders slumping.

“Shit, this is the worst time for that…” Leorio mumbled, causing Kurapika to look at his phone too.

Chairwomen Cheadle: There will be a mandatory Zodiac meeting at 8 pm tonight. Apologies for the short notice, anyone out of town will be allowed to attend virtually. Anyone close by are asked to show up physically.

(Name) peeked into the living room when she heard the two groan. “What are you two whining about?”

Leorio handed her his phone. “Zodiac meeting, and it’s in an hour.”

(Name) tilted her head, handing his phone back. “Oh? What’s wrong with that? The meeting is taking place in town, so you won’t need to do anything but show up.”

Kurapika, who still felt bad for yelling at her the previous day, looked up. “It’s not attendance that’s the problem, it’s… the people. They can be… how do I put this?”

“Annoying?”

“Yes, very.”

(Name) smiled as she kissed them both on the cheek. “Well, you two better get ready. You’ll have just enough time to eat dinner before leaving.”

The two turned a bright pink before they jumped up to go get ready.

After a quick dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread, the two set off for the zodiac meeting. It was taking place in the same hotel Pariston used for the Halloween party.

Kurapika stepped out of the mom van and made sure his suit jacket was on straight before walking into the building. Leorio glanced back at the mom van, locked it, then followed behind.

There were only five other zodiacs present at the table, with a projector showing the faces of the other members.

The ones present were Cheadle, Gel, Pyon, Mizaistom Nana, and Kanzai. “Since everyone is now present, the meeting can begin.”

Cheadle took her seat at the head of the table, everyone else sitting when she did. The room went quiet as Cheadle organized a stack of papers. She handed the stack to Pyon. “Take one and pass it on.”

The stack went around the table, finally making it to Leorio, who paused. “… what the…”

Kurapika raised an eyebrow, glancing at Leorio. He was next to the dark haired man, so he hadn’t gotten to see the picture yet.

“What’s the meaning of this!? Why are you passing around a picture of (Name) with her personal information!?”

Kurapika’s eyes widened at Leorio’s words, the blonde quickly snatching the paper out of Leorio’s hand.

On the paper was a picture of (Name), information about her height, weight, family history, and current living situation written out below it. His now scarlet eyes scanned over the text before he looked up.

“What does (Name) have to do with this meeting? Answer me, Cheadle.”

His aura spiked as he stood up, causing a few of the other members of the Zodiac to stand up as well. Cheadle was quick to hold up her hand, signaling everything was okay. This calmed down the other members enough for them and Kurapika to sit down.

“As some of you may know, (Name) (Last Name) has been the radar of the Hunter Association since the Chimera Ant incident that caused her new nen ability to form.”

Kurapika shot a glare at Leorio, his eyes saying he’d have questions after the meeting. “She’s on our radar? That sure is news to me.”

“Me too, why wasn’t I told?” Leorio asked after Kurapika. Cheadle sighed, holding up the image of (Name).

“Neither of you were told because for one you are new members, and secondly you both have personal ties to the subject.”

Kurapika scowled, crumpling the paper in his hand. “That is precisely why we should have been informed. Both of us know (Name) well, what reason would you have to keep her under surveillance?”

“It’s not surveillance. There are no cameras in her home or people following her, she just has to check in regularly to be screened to make sure she hasn’t used… her ability. That is the reason she is on our radar.”

Kurapika knew she was able to speed up the growth rate of cells to destroy human tissue, but he couldn’t see why that was worthy of keeping her on their radar. “You let Hisoka run free, but (Name) is the one you’re keeping an eye on? Not the murderous pedophilic clown!?”

Cheadle groaned. “Listen, after the Chimera Ant incident, she-“

Cheadle glanced at Leorio, who was shaking his head ever so slightly. “After she… was found, the area around her was completely barren. The concrete, organic matter, and dirt was disintegrated into ash. Her ability can be incredibly dangerous and devastating if left unchecked. Just one attack was able to leave an area completely barren, imagine what she could do on a larger scale.”

Kurapika was silent for a moment. Leorio crumpled up his paper and threw it in the trash. “Larger scale? When has she ever given you the idea that she would use that power again like that?”

Mizaistom cleared his throat, placing his own paper down on the table. “Very recently, Miss (Name) used her ability again during a mission with Kurapika Kurta, the rat zodiac. That went directly against her orders from the forner rat zodiac and former Chairman Pariston. Although her order from him was null and void when he left his position, her defying it is indeed worrying.”

“Yes, it would be bad if our little (Name) went rogue, wouldn’t it?”

Everyone looked up to see Pariston standing in the doorway, a smirk on his face. Kurapika was held back from rushing over by Leorio’s hand on his shoulder. He inhaled deeply, staring at Pariston from his seat, taking a moment before speaking.

“(Name) would never hurt an innocent person, she’s…”

There was a softness in Kurapika’s expression that none of the Zodiacs had ever seen with him. “She’s the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever encountered. I thought I lost hope in humanity after the atrocities I’ve encountered while searching for the scarlet eyes, but (Name) has shown me what true kindness is. To say she would hurt someone is blasphemous, and I won’t sit here and take you saying those things about the woman I-“

He stopped, a blush taking over his cheeks as silence filled the room. Pariston smirked, leaning against the wall. “And there’s the truth, Kurapika. You’re in love with this woman, aren’t you?”

Kurapika cleared his throat, folding his arms over his chest as he looked away. “That is irrelevant to the conversation.”

“I think it is more than relevant, Kurapika. How can we trust that your judgment isn’t biased when you’re in love with that woman?” Saiyu said through the projection screen.

“You can either trust my judgment or I can leave the Zodiac.”

This shocked even Leorio, who laughed nervously. “He’s just saying that, you know how irrational he can be when he’s-“

“Oh no I mean it. I’ll burn the entire association down if they even THINK about hurting (Name).”

Kanzai stood, narrowing his eyes. “Are you threatening us? I won’t let you do that!”

“That’s enough.”

Cheadle glanced at Kanzai, signaling him to sit back down. He did so with a grumble, keeping an eye on Kurapika.

“Kurapika, no one is going to hurt (Name). I gathered you here to inform you all that she agreed to reinstating her vow to not use her ability.”

Kurapika’s eyes widened, and he relaxed into his seat. “She didn’t tell me about that…”

“She doesn’t tell you a lot of things, Kurapika.” Pariston said, taking his seat across from the blonde.

Kurapika growled, clenching his fist at his side, his foot tapping away. Leorio patted his shoulder, taking out his phone and showing Kurapika a picture of (Name) snuggled up wearing a Christmas themed onesie with little reindeer ears on the hood.

Not only did this calm him down, it also made him blush, a soft smile on his face as he stared at Leorio’s phone. “Thanks, Leorio. That… that really helped.”

The rest of the meeting went as smoothly as it could, and the two got ready to leave. They were stopped by Pariston, who was still sat at the table.

“You hesitated a bit back there, Kurapika. What’s our girl been up to lately?”

Kurapika felt his eyes go scarlet, his blood pressure rising as he whipped his head around. “Not ‘our’ girl, my girl.”

Pariston only smiled, folding his hands under his chin. “You’re dodging the question, Kurta. What has she been up to that has you so worked up?”

“Nothing, besides working her ass off to make sure this fall gathering goes off without a hitch. You think she could hurt someone? She’s made sure to meticulously plan out every dish so that none of them has nuts them because ONE kid that’s attending has an allergy! Tell me, how the fuck is a woman as kind as her-“

Leorio covered his mouth, sighing. “We’ll be leaving.”

Pariston sighed, waving them away with his hand. He watched the pair leave, laughing to himself as the other zodiac members present glanced between him and Cheadle.

“Pariston… what are you planning?”

The blonde smiled, leaning back in his chair. “Something entertaining.”

——————

It was late when they got home, nearly 10. The kids were in bed by then, and (Name) was nowhere to be seen. Leorio tugged off his suit jacket and pants before collapsing on the couch in his boxers and dress shirt. Kurapika glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you just going to sleep like that in the living room? That’s impolite to Alluka and (Name).”

Leorio groaned and waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah yeah, whatever. They won’t care, and besides I have to be out of here before 7 to run by my apartment and grab my homework before classes. Alluka doesn’t wake up until 9, and (Name) has seen my dick.”

Kurapika turned bright red before smacking Leorio over the head. “Hey, what was that for?”

The blonde huffed, turning on his heels to climb up the staircase. “Hmph.”

He wanted to give Leorio another good whack, but decided going to talk to (Name) was a bit more important. Kurapika was going to ask her for more information on the Chimera Ant incident, and why everyone was being so secretive about it.

He was going to do that, until he saw that her door was slightly ajar, and could hear soft pants and moans coming from inside.

A tent rose up in his pants, his breath hitching as he stood still, just inches away from her door. ‘Is… is she..?’

He took a deep breath before peeking through the crack in the door, blinking a few times before his eyes focused on (Name)’s figure.

Her face was in the pillow, her ass in the air and pussy on full display. This was the first time he had ever seen her pussy, and Kurapika felt his cock leak through his boxers, getting his pants sticky with precum.

Her pussy was perfect, looking soft and chubby, just like her. Kurapika watched her spread her plump pussy lips, her index finger rubbing circles into her clit. Before he knew it he was leaning against the doorway, desperately fisting his cock to the heavenly sight before him.

She looked way too cute with her chubby cheek squished against the pillow, her eyes half lidded and lips glossy from drool. Little pants and whines left her lips as her fingers wandered to her entrance.

Kurapika stifled a moan when he watched her stuff her fingers into her pussy, having to cover his mouth with one hand as he jerked off with the other.

‘So pretty… god (Name) I want you so fucking bad…’

As he pumped his cock, he remembered the way she jerked him off just nearly two weeks ago. Kurapika wondered if he could just… walk in and… help her out.

Then another memory surfaced in his head, the image of her face when he wouldn’t tell her how he really felt about her. This was enough to make him go soft, his eyes flickering from her dripping pussy to her face.

She was crying.

There were tears in the corners of her eyes, a tremble to her lips. Her fingers moved faster as she sniffled and moaned.

Was she upset? Sad? He didn’t know, but he did know that her tears made his heart ache. She didn’t cry when he made her cum, was there some reason for this?

He was going to leave and let her have her privacy. After all, she feared he may only want her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies, and jerking off to her while she was obviously upset wouldn’t really help his case.

Kurapika began to step back when he heard something that had his cock getting so hard it pressed against his tummy.

“Pika… please… w-want you…”

He felt his heart race, all the blood in his body rushing to his dick. ‘She’s… she’s thinking of me while…’

He stroked his cock to the pretty sight, trying so hard to pace himself so he could cum with her, but it got hard when he watched her fuck herself with her fingers while whimpering his name.

He came, panting softly as he watched her orgasm wash over her, cum dripping down her thighs. More than anything, he wanted to walk in and clean up those plump thighs with his tongue, but Kurapika stopped himself.

Instead, he took one last glance at her sweet, pleasured face before pulling out his phone. He bit his lip as he took a quick picture of her soft face, making sure not to get her nude body in the shot, no matter how much he wanted it.

Her face was enough to get him rock hard again, the blonde barely making it to his room before his hand was shoved in his pants again, jerking off to her o-face.

(Name) moaning his name confirmed in his mind that she was attracted to him and wanted him. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel guilty, almost giggling in delight like a girl with a crush when he thought back to it. ‘She wants me…’

————————

Over the next two days, Kurapika became rather clingy with (Name), following her around like a lost, lovesick puppy.

“Kurapika.”

“Yes, angel?”

“… get out, I’m trying to pee.”

Kurapika stood at the doorway of the bathroom, tilting his head. “Oh, go ahead. Don’t mind me.”

“I most certainly WILL mind you! Out!”

He pouted, crossing his arms. “Why? I just-“

“Kurapika Kurta I can’t pee with you watching me! Go!”

(Name) threw a bottle of shampoo at him, causing the blonde to rush out of the door and close it behind him. ‘Geez, what has gotten into him? He’s been clinging to me like a needy child. Even Killua wasn’t this bad… when…’

She sighed, washing her hands. ‘Oh, Killua…’

Kurapika was waiting outside the bathroom, watching her. “Took you long enough. Now come on, I want some-“

(Name) pinched his cheek, huffing. “No, I need to cook. You’ve been so clingy lately, what’s up with you?”

His cheeks turned pink, but he didn’t move away from her. “I…”

Kurapika didn’t want to admit he overheard her moaning his name, because then he would have to explain himself more, and might tell her more than he wanted to. He didn’t like lying, so might as well not say anything. “… sorry. I’ll help with the cooking, if that’s alright with you.”

(Name) smiled, taking his hand. “That’s perfectly fine, Pika. I need all the help I can get.”

He let her lead him downstairs, his eyes soft. Every time her skin touched his, Kurapika could feel his heart pound behind his ribs. “(Name)… I-“

“Oh look it’s the blonde twink. Have you finished following my mom like a mutt in heat and decided to actually help out?”

Kurapika’s eyebrow twitched, a scowl taking over his face. (Name) glanced at Kurapika, trying to hold back an amused smile. “Oh stop it Killua, he’s just attached to me. Much like a little puppy.”

Kurapika huffed, pulling his arm away before crossing them both over his chest. “I just… wanted to make sure you’re alright. You… you were hurt during our mission.”

“Yeah, but that was nearly three weeks ago, Kurapika.” (Name) said, giving him a knowing smile. “You just like being around me~”

The blonde turned a bright red, even the tips of his ears going pink. “Y-you say that like it’s a bad thing. Of course… I like being around you. You’re…”

He trailed off, clearing his throat. “Anyways, what can I do to help?”

(Name) could feel her own face grown warm, but shook off the fuzzy feeling taking over her body to answer Kurapika’s question. “You’ll be making the macaroni! It’s very easy, so-“

“Pause.”

Kurapika and (Name) looked to Killua, who held up his hands. “Mom, do you really trust a blonde to get your famous macaroni right? The only thing he knows how to cook is pancakes, eggs, and bacon, he’s a one trick pony!”

(Name) waved her hand dismissively, shooing Killua out of the kitchen. “Shoo, your negative energy will ruin the food.”

Killua pouted, but walked out of the kitchen. “Don’t come crying to me when he messes everything up…’

(Name) turned to Kurapika, the blonde’s heart nearly slipping a beat when you smiled at him sweetly. “Come on, let’s get started.”

She gave him a quick run down of her recipe, writing down the details. “Okay, don’t overcook the noodles. I’ll be back in a few minutes, I need to go pick up Alluka from her date with her little girlfriend.”

(Name) paused for a moment, glancing at Kurapika before standing on her tippy toes and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Good luck, I believe in you.”

Before she could pull away, Kurapika turned and held onto her neck, keeping her in place as he leaned down to kiss her lips. “Thank you, (Name). I won’t let you down.”

Her face was hot, her eyes shining as they stared into his. “Kurapika…”

“It’s Pika, (Name),” he said softly, going back in for another kiss. Before he could slip his tongue into her mouth, she pushed him back, letting out a soft sigh.

“I’ve… got to go, Alluka is waiting.”

Kurapika nodded, pushing a piece of her hair out of her face. “Go ahead, I’ll be here.”

He smiled as he watched her leave, feeling giddy. Now that he knew she wanted him, his confidence had gone up a bit, allowing him to be more affectionate with her without fear.

‘Mmm…’

He licked his lip, his cheeks flushing when he tasted her strawberry flavored chapstick. Kurapika began to boil the macaroni, his head in the clouds. Everything felt so… warm and fuzzy. Was this what being in love was like? Kurapika wanted to bathe in this feeling, he had finally made up his mind.

He wanted to be with (Name).

No matter how he tried to separate himself from her, he was always drawn back, as if they were magnets meant to connect and stick by each other’s side.

‘And I can’t leave her, now that I know the Hunter Association is keeping an eye on her…’

It filled Kurapika with rage to know they believed (Name) was capable of causing destruction on a massive scale. The girl had a crisis over killing a man that was objectively awful, to think she could hurt an innocent was beyond comprehension for the Kurta.

Before, he wanted to leave to keep her safe, but now he knew even if he left, she would never truly be free from danger. The only thing he could do was stay by her side, protecting his angel to his best ability. He would die if it meant she would continue to live a happy, carefree life.

‘But…’

He bit his lip, watching the water on the stove boil. ‘My mission… I have to finish it first. I’ll hunt down the phantom troupe, then…’

He blushed, pouring the noodles into the water.

‘Then she’ll be mine.’

——————

“You seem to be in a good mood, big sis,” Alluka said, watching (Name) from the backseat. (Name) laughed, turning into the driveway.

“Yeah… I guess I am in a good mood.”

She felt happy for the first time since she killed that man, her heart fluttering at the memory of Kurapika’s lips on hers. The kiss had been so tender, full of a feeling that (Name) hoped was love. Maybe, just maybe, the two actually had something between them. She really hoped so, (Name) had never seen Kurapika look at anyone but her that way.

All of these fuzzy feelings were squashed when she walked into the kitchen to see Kurapika staring at a pot of… macaroni? At least she thought it was, but the noodles were over cooked and soggy, while the cheese was dry. “Kurapika…”

The blonde glanced at her, looking like a kicked puppy. “I… I really tried my best, (Name).”

She didn’t have it in her to stay mad at him, instead giving him a small smile. “Well, it was your first time making my recipe, don’t beat yourself up-“

“Mom, why does the mac and cheese taste like someone without a soul made it?”

They looked to see Killua spitting the bite of macaroni he ate into the trash. “How the FUCK did you make it so dry but overcook the noodles to the point they’re slimy?”

Kurapika grimaced, Alluka peeking at the macaroni. When she attempted to try a bite, Killua lifted it out of her reach and placed in where she couldn’t reach. “Don’t eat that, Alluka. It’ll hurt your tummy.”

(Name) rubbed her temple. “Killua, come on. It’s his first time making it.”

“Mom, if Gon did this I would understand, but Kurapika is only a year apart from you, and you can cook almost anything.”

“Baby, people have different things they’re good at and you know I already told you-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘People grow and learn at different rates’ or whatever…”

(Name) smiled, pinching his cheek. “Exactly. You’re never too old to learn something new or make a change. Never.”

Killua nodded slowly, before lightly swatting her hand away. “Come on Alluka, let’s go get my room ready for Gon.”

Kurapika watched with a fond look in his eyes as the two ran off, (Name) turning back to give him a patient smile. “Okay, let’s see the macaroni.”

She hummed as she looked over it. “Well… it’s not… awful. I’ll put it in the fridge and maybe we can salvage it later! For now…”

(Name) pulled out a container and a pie dish, setting it on the table. She pulled off the lid, the smell of cherries filling the air. “It’s cherry filling. All you have to do is poke some holes into the crust and pour this in, then bake for 45 minutes.”

She glanced at her phone. “I have to pick up Gon then go grocery shopping with Leorio. Oh, let me write down the directions so you-“

“(Name), stop. I’m not five. You can count on me for this, just take care of the groceries with Leorio,” Kurapika said, grabbing a knife to begin poking the the pie crust. She quickly replaced it with a fork, showing him how it was done.

“You poke it with a fork, silly.”

He blushed as she guided his hand, his heart thumping against his chest. “Like that, see?”

“Y-yeah, I’ve got it. Go on, angel, I don’t want you to be late.”

She gave him a nod and a gently squeeze to his hand before walking out. Kurapika sat at the table, poking holes into the pie crust as he thought about the meeting with the Zodiacs. He was supposed to ask her about why she was under watch, but he got a little… distracted.

‘What happened during the Chimera Ant incident? I bet that’s why… Killua gets those nightmares. Something bad happened, I just don’t know what yet.’

It made him anxious not knowing what could have happened to (Name) while he was away. If he was correct, Kurapika remembered having a small service and ignoring Leorio’s phone calls during that time.

‘I know some of them were for Gon, but I temper seeing (Name)’s name mentioned… the he deleted the message…’

Kurapika put the pie in the oven, sighed as he leaned against the wall. ‘Well, some of our friends and allies are coming over, maybe at least one of them will be willing to share some information with me.’

He looked at the fridge, his cheeks turning a little pink. “I wonder…”

Kurapika’s eyes scanned over the list of dishes (Name) planned on making, focusing on the dessert part. His face turned bright red when he spotted his favorite, peach cobbler with a little note beside it.

‘For my Pika <3’

She always managed to make his heart race with how thoughtful and kind she was, and now more than ever it angered him to to think of someone hurting her or thinking ill of her.

He glanced at the timer on the oven. ‘45 minutes…’

Kurapika jumped when he felt someone grab his sleeve. “Kurapika? Where’s mama?”

It was Nanika, her void like eyes staring up at him. When she was out, she would offen cling to (Name) like a child would their mother. “Oh, (Name) isn’t home right now, she-“

“M-mama isn’t home?”

Her lip quivered, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “B-but… but…”

Kurapika froze, not knowing what to do. The poor girl was clinging to his tabard, crying. “Hey, hey now, shh…”

He tried to remember what (Name) would do to cheek her up. “Nanika, it’s okay. She won’t take long, I promise.”

He gently patted her head, his fingers running through her hair in a soothing manner, much like (Name) did for the other kids when they were upset. Nanika sniffled, but began to calm down, rubbing at her eyes sleepily.

“I think you need a nap, kiddo. Alluka stayed up late last night picking out her outfit for her date.”

He picked her up, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, and brought her to the spare room, laying her down before tucking her into bed.

“Get some rest, kiddo. If you need something I’ll be in the kitchen, okay?”

Kurapika smiled down at her, feeling very soft. She was already falling asleep, her eyelids drooping. Kurapika left the room, turning the light off on his way out and leaving the door cracked.

Killua was waiting for him in the hallway, looking less hostile than usual. “She wouldn’t listen to me, and kept looking for mom. Thanks… for getting her to sleep. She can get a bit fussy when she hasn’t slept well.”

Kurapika gave him a nod before being distracted from his job again with the ring of the doorbell. “Did… (Name) say anyone was showing up so early? The get together is tomorrow…”

Killua thought for a moment then grimaced. “Oh, yeah. That’s probably Menchi.”

They both scowled, the blonde letting out an annoyed sigh before opening the door. Menchi stood behind it, wearing an ochre colored sweater, with jeans. It was a far cry from her outfit during the exam, Kurapika wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her in anything normal.

“Where’s (Name)?”

She seemed to look at Kurapika with a look of distaste, like she was just served a dish with bits of cat litter in it. The blonde tried to keep a small smile on his face. “She isn’t here at the moment, she-“

Menchi pushed her way in and immediately headed towards the kitchen. “Who the hell is burning a cherry pie!?”

Kurapika’s eyes went. He sprinted into the kitchen, his eyes wide as he glanced at the clock then the plume of smoke pouring out of the opened oven. Menchi pulled out the pie and opened the kitchen door to fan the smoke out, coughing.

“I don’t understand, I did everything (Name) told me to! I set the oven to 350, then the timer to 45 minutes-“

Menchi raised an eyebrow. “Uh… the oven is at 450, not 350.”

Kurapika’s eyes went wide before he groaned and sat down to hold his head in his hands. “Fuck… the macaroni then this, what’s wrong with me?”

Menchi stared at the charred pie, sighing. “This poor, poor pie. I assume (Name) made the filling. What a waste.”

She pulled some rolling pins out of nowhere. “No matter, I’ll get to work. You’re banned from the kitchen, blondie.”

He didn’t argue, just standing up and shuffling to his room.

———————

Gon walked around, giving everyone hugs and saying hi to Menchi before he stopped. “Hmm? Where’s Kurapika?”

(Name) shrugged, hanging up her coat. “I’m not sure, but Killua said he burned the pie earlier.”

She sighed and rubbed her temple. “It was an honest mistake, but it’s still a little frustrating to be down two dishes now.”

Gon nodded, patting her shoulder. “I’ll go talk to him! Maybe we can work something out!”

“Yeah, you go do that. I have to make sure Menchi doesn’t get off track with the food again.”

Gon walked up the stairs and knocked on Kurapika's door. "Kurapika, it's Gon! I just got here.”

The door cracked open, the blonde looking a bit downtrodden. “Oh, Gon… happy holidays. How… are you doing?”

He hummed, walking into Kurapika’s room. “I’m doing alright, but how are you? I heard… you had some problems in the kitchen.”

Kurapika nodded, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “Yeah, I just… I got distracted and I messed up… and…”

Gon held up his hand. “Everyone messes up sometimes! What matters is trying to fix the mistake you made!”

Kurapika gave him a soft smile. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. You always know what to say, Gon.”

The boy grinned. “How about this, we’ll wait for Menchi to leave, then we’ll try and salvage that macaroni and cheese!”

The two spent the next hour really catching up. Kurapika had been hesitant to get too close to his friends again, but now that he knew he was sticking around, he wanted more than anything to be close with them again. It felt like he had become so distant from the people he cared for most, so it felt nice to be all caught up with what they had been doing.

“And you’re gonna ask (Name) on a date- Mmph!”

Kurapika covered Gon’s mouth as his face erupted into a blush. “Shh, she could hear you!”

Gon nodded as Kurapika pulled his hand away, now whispering. “I think she’ll say yes, you two have always been so close. When you were gone, she looked at your picture in the living room a lot.”

The blonde turned bright red, clearing his throat. “Is that so?”

Gon stood, peeking out the door. “Mhm. Now come on, Menchi just left!”

Kurapika followed Gon down to the kitchen and took out the macaroni. “You followed the directions on the box, right?” Gon asked as he looked at the soggy noodles and dry cheese.

Kurapika huffed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Of course, why wouldn’t I? Boil for eight minutes, remove from- hey!”

Gon began to scrape off some of the cheese. “If we take off some of the cheese, we can mix some fresh cheese in and add some extra milk and seasonings!”

Kurapika relaxed, smiling. “Ah, I forgot, you said you knew how to make macaroni and cheese during the Hunter Exam, didn’t you?”

Gon nodded proudly, setting the macaroni and cheese aside. “Now, let’s shred some cheese and get some bread crumbs!”

Though the noodles were still soggy after they were done, the macaroni and cheese looked a lot better and smelled decent. Kurapika couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

“Oh boys, something is smelling great in here!”

(Name) walked in, putting away her phone. She had snapped a picture of the scene before announcing her presence. ‘That’s going in the Christmas card.’

Kurapika blushed as she swiped a bit of the macaroni and cheese, fiddling with his tabard. “Kurapika, Gon, this tastes great! This is definitely going on the table, along with my macaroni and cheese.”

Gon cheered, and Kurapika sighed in relief. “Now, you two come to the table and eat your dinner. It’s burgers tonight.”

Everyone gathered at the table to eat dinner, smiling and laughing. They were all full of excitement for the next day, though none of them were prepared for the chaos that would ensue.

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.25.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

scent of eager suds - @rkivian (knj x reader | smut, angst, pwp, fluff)

summary: you missed each other, too fucking much. but your head had stayed down in futile hopes of remaining stubborn, forgetting that there is a wedding ring on that tricksy little finger of his for a reason.

so..... genuinely convinced you are the reincarnate of shakespeare babe bc like:

"He would spend a considerably scant amount of time on such a task, yet fulfil it so thoroughly that the constant aching between your legs seemed more equitable than you would like it to be."

LOOK WHAT YOU DO WITH WORDS!!! like everything is so precise. i can tell there's so much thought put into every single word of this piece and woah.. the writing is fucking stellar, seriously. like just the words you use throughout this displays how the reader feels about being vulnerable with joonie: cruel, vengeful, venomous. u put pwp but like you characterized the fuck out of this reader and it's so good...

also... this is thee kim namjoon. like as someone who is v much similar to the reader and self sabotages relationships, ppl who love you enough to recognize that trait and do their best to prove u wrong

AND YOU DID THAT ALL THROUGHOUT THE FLITHIEST NASTIEST SEXIEST SMUT EVER PLS HE'S SO HOT LIKE HE TRULY JUST WANTS TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD INSIDE AND OUT AND IM GATEKEEPING HIM!!!! this was so so so beautiful and thank you for sharing with plebeians like me :') &lt;3

the one where jin is drunk off his face and you get friend-zoned - @indgio (ksj x reader | fluff, crack)

saf everything you write just comforts my soul. it's missing jin hours around these parts and this is exactly want i needed. i don't know how to explain it but this gives me run episode vibes? like... this is legit kim seokjin. I COULD TOTALLY PICTURE HIM DOING SOME SHIT LIKE THIS LMAO WHAT A SWEET BABY!

also love this oc fr. like from the opening paragraph i could already tell she's the most adorable, most precious being, and you proved it throughout the rest :') <3 taking care of ur drunk partner trope will never not get me and you did it so splendidly ugh will definitely be coming back to this when im sad and 3am and missing my seokjin :'( thanks for this ily <3

"tell me more about this girlfriend of yours."

but jin looks at you with a frown, as he downs the water. "no. get your own."

^also for whatever reason this took me tf out lmao

the one where jungkook will always protect you, even from the fictional - @indgio (jjk x reader | fluff, humor)

bby istg your writing is so... refreshing? like i always think i need these super crazy, convoluted, heavy plots for my fics to be good, but your writing is proof that doesn't have to be the case. your writing is so effortless, yet so beautiful. like once again, genuine comfort content that i don't see too much of anymore. going through your masterlist has really inspired me to take a new avenue, because your fics are just so fucking addicting. i just love the slice of life vibes so much uGh okay enough nutting over u and onto the fic sehfbjsehbdhwb

pov ur saf in my brain BC THE AMOUNT OF TIMES IVE DAYDREAMED ABOUT THIS EXACT SCENARIO IS MENTAL ILLNESS (was just picturing binge watching AOT w him :'))

this jungkook is such a golden retriever ass boyfriend my heart can't take it. the banter ?? the protectiveness ?? THE BITING THE EAR ??? naur im in love it's settled. adding him to the list of fav jungkook portrayals on tumby. will be thinking about him when im bored in the back of my lecture tomorrow. thank you for daydream fuel &lt;3

stfu yes it's wednesday get off my back >:'( i posted this early last week and was just trying to even the timing out that's all... im lying. anyways, love u lmao

[copsecore]

my thoughts on the "fanon-isation" of sam (and his newest ba)

(taken from a long winded text conversation i had - slight NSFW talk below the cut) [WORD COUNT: 1047 WORDS, IM SORRY]

psa: while i am complaining about it, it's just my own thoughts, and none of which is an actual criticism of erik, feel free to add your opinions, as per the usual

Maybe its coz time is passing, and the relationship is developing but i feel like i’m enjoying the dynamic between sam and darlin’ a lot less than i did at the beginning. It feels a lot less “human-realistic” and more “tailored for fan preference” (you sam fans gotta hear me out on that bit okay).

Clearly erik isn’t “pandering” towards the fandom or anything, however there HAS been a change in sam’s writing that i don’t know if anyone else can see, or whether it’s just me.

 Fight me, but i feel like whatever’s happening to guy, the reverse is happening to sam. In the sense of where guy is gaining lore and becoming more plot relative, sam seems to be losing that position, which doesn’t cover all of my opinion, but it’s the simplest way i can think of putting it. 

He feels more “disconnected” as a character and I wish i could write this more specifically but there’s almost no “good” way of putting it, i’m just trying to put my vibes about this into readable thoughts in a way that’s somewhat well communicated.

It feels like he’s being diminished, where there’s less of the gruff dad-type personality, protective semi-asshole, gently-caring-in-a-non-tsundere-way, and a lot more “here’s your standard cookie-cutter southern bf who just so happens to be a vampire, however that’s essentially irrelevant because it’s never referenced in a way that’s plot-needed”. 

It’s quite flat and 2D now in a way that i can’t explain, so therefore don’t yell at me for saying it. While he’s still hot ofc, I don’t enjoy his character nearly as much as i did pre-quinn era, which is a shame because it’s difficult to let go of the fact that he’s one of my favourites, but the energy’s shifted and it’s “off” now. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve changed as a person in the last four years, which i know i have, but it doesn’t seem to be just character development, in the nicest way possible, it feels like he’s being written “out of character”.

Character development in any way is good, I’m a writer myself, I would know that, but those words aren’t what i would personally use to describe it. Forgive me, but i just felt like i needed to get everything out so i could see if anyone else agreed. 

You could say “it’s not that deep” but I’m autistic; this is my special interest, so as much as you can say otherwise, it is in fact “that deep” for me. 

Don’t get me wrong, i still thoroughly love sam as a whole, complete character, and the more recent videos that i don’t like as much could never take that away from me, so again, don’t come at me saying i’m “hating on him”, because i’m not.

This is as constructive of a “rant” that i can make it, and yes, my anonymous asks are turned off. I’m not gonna go on about how “i’m not criticising erik, BUT-” because if you know me at all, you’ll know i would never send hate towards him. 

With the “fanon-isation”, that’s just a word i threw out there to header this whole thing. I meant it mostly in reference to how a large part of the fandom seems to idealise or romanticise darlin’s character, and somewhat how that seems to be translating to the canon of their relationship with sam, and thus effecting him as well. But that wasn’t the right wording - the sam fangroup is big, and i’m already throwing myself to enough proverbial wolves as it is.

The thing that sparked all of this - and if you don’t have the patreon then you probably won’t know - is that Sam biting darlin’ for the first time happened in his most recent ba, which wasn’t something that i really liked. It felt weird to me that, even though it was fully communicated and both parties were okay, it would happen FOR THE FIRST TIME in a sexual setting. While it made sense for darlin’s character, it made less sense for sam’s.

 It also means that (at least as i’m writing this) the non-patrons won’t experience the very plot-important aspect that is sam biting darlin’ for the first time, considering how built-up it’s been throughout their storylines, it didn’t feel right.

It almost felt like the only reason the reverse-comfort audio even previewed for a ba was because THAT was the video that fell on release day. The circumstances just didn’t feel right for it, not given sam’s past and everything that happened in the quinn arc. 

i figured it would at least happen with a sit down conversation, in an sfw audio, even if it was ON patreon, but free. Of course - knowing darlin’ - it was going to be sexual at some point, but i didn’t think it would happen for the first time.

 I’m not going into any more specifics on the audio itself, but those are my thoughts on that bit. Sam bites darlin’, and i didn’t like it. My gripe is neither that it happened, nor that it’s not available to the public, but that nothing about the setting or the build up felt right, and it felt like it happened “just because”, which was a big let down for me, personally.

It wasn’t even the first time I’ve gotten the gist that something was “up”, THAT happened in sam’s hbs 2023 audio (NOT the ba, just the youtube access one) where it definitely felt more like “this is what the audience wants” because yes, who wouldn’t want to see a hot southerner get down and dirty in a club? But it didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but more so now it seemed like fandom influence of a sorts.

Almost like I was reading a fanfic or something that was posted on here (no hate of course, I would say my "platform" on here is mainly constructed of fan based content, just that it seemed more “headcanon-y” and less Just Canon) rather than something that erik himself wrote.

TL;DR: sam feels more and more “out of character” to me as a long-term viewer, and it all came to a head in the most recent bonus audio

[fairyyeo]

christmas (baby please come home) ❅ seo changbin

pairing — bf!changbin x reader

genre — fluff

tw — alcohol consumption

wc — 1.9k

a/n — im so happy with this fic!! enjoy guys !! reblogs always appreciated <33

————

you hadn't seen changbin for a long while. 47 days to be exact—not that you were counting... work was getting the best of him, as always. in between touring and making new music and doing interviews he often struggled to find the time to call you.

changbin, ever the gentleman, thoroughly explained to you before agreeing to make your relationship official that he would constantly have work obligations that might make you feel like less than a priority. he assured you however, that despite what you may feel at times, you would always be his number one.

yet a week before christmas, you couldn't help but feel a little blue about the whole thing. you were out at a local cafe enjoying a nice hot chocolate. actually, enjoying was a bit of a reach. sure, it tasted good and had a few cute little marshmallows on top, but as you looked around at all the happy families and couples in the cafe, your heart ached.

a part of you (your entire being) wished changbin was here, with you, enjoying his own hot chocolate with holiday themed latte art. the snow was falling heavily when your phone began ringing and interrupted your miserable train of thought.

it was changbin.

you answered it immediately, a grin appearing on your face.

"hi changbin!" you said a little too excitedly, and loudly. it earned you a few annoyed glances from cafe goers.

"it's so good to hear your voice, baby." you could see his smile over the phone.

hearing changbin's voice after a week without a phone call from him was enough to make your heart race these days.

"yours too." you were grinning like a fool.

"hey listen," that meant bad news, "i've got something to tell you." you sensed his smile fade to a frown now.

"what is it?" your own smile wavered a bit too.

"i know we talked about the possibility of me coming home for christmas but," he sighed deeply before he spoke again, "it's not looking like i'll be able to make it. i'm really sorry, baby."

a frown replaced your grin and a few tears pricked your eyes, "that's okay, we can celebrate whenever you come home."

"hey, don't cry, please." changbin pleaded through the phone, his own heart breaking just a bit.

was it that obvious?

"i just miss you so much, bin." your voice cracked ever so slightly.

"i miss you too, baby. you're always on my mind. i wonder what you get up to. what you ate for breakfast. if you had a good day, things like that." changbin explained.

you sniffled, "i do the same for you."

"please don't be too sad, i'll be home as soon as i can." he promised.

"okay," you frowned, "i love you."

"bye baby, i love you too."

it's not like changbin found it easy to lie to you. in fact, that was probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do. but he wanted to surprise you, and this was the best way he could think of.

————

christmas eve rolled around just a week later and you'd secretly hoped changbin was just pulling your leg about the whole thing.

after finishing off some last minute gift wrapping in the morning, changbin wasn't there.

and after doing some baking for christmas day, changbin wasn't there.

and as you got into bed just before midnight on christmas eve, changbin still wasn't there.

so he wasn't joking, you thought as you teared up again.

see, you'd really hoped changbin was going to be home for christmas. your family were yet to meet him, of course because of his busy schedule, and they were all coming to your house for christmas lunch. you'd told them so much about him, they were almost more excited than you to see him. almost.

there's always next year.

————

christmas morning you woke up feeling blue as the LED lights on your tree. you had to remind yourself that you knew there'd be times like this when you first started dating him. pushing the feeling aside, you began preparing for your family's lunchtime arrival.

you laid the table neatly, began cooking all the food, and put your family's and changbin's gifts under the tree.

you'd still gotten him something even if he wasn't going to be there. you'd actually bought it before he even told you he wouldn't be there. it was a new set of headphones, he mentioned a while ago that he'd lost his other pair and how much he depends on them to do pretty much everything; work, sleep, exercise, all that stuff, and you doubted he'd had the time to get new ones.

an excited knock at the front door pulled you from your train of thought and to the front door. you wiped your hands on your apron before turning the doorknob.

your family stood happily on the front door step (your family being everyone—extended family included. your mother, father, two siblings, grandmother, aunt and uncle, and your three cousins. that was ten people, eleven including yourself.)

"merry christmas!" they all exclaimed.

you smiled, glad to see them, "merry christmas!" you repeated as you welcomed them inside.

it didn't take long for everyone to take off their jackets and warm up in the living room. your brother wooyoung and sister haewon helped you out with lunch in the kitchen, simultaneously comforting you as you explained how changbin wasn't coming home for christmas. it was nice to catch up with your family, especially your siblings since you'd been feeling a little lonelier than usual lately.

they helped you bring all the food and bottles of wine to the table. you announced that lunch was ready and everyone filtered over to their chosen seats at the table and began to eat.

just as you were about to help yourself there was a solid knock at the door.

"excuse me for a moment." your brows furrowed, "i'm not expecting anyone else." you mumbled to yourself as you made your way to the front door.

you once again wiped your hands on your apron, which, after making lunch, was now covered in various marks from cooking.

when you opened and saw who it was you honestly thought you were dreaming.

"hope i'm not too late?" changbin grinned, a neatly wrapped gift under one arm and a bag of smaller gifts in his opposite hand. "i had to stop by my parent's house." ever the family man.

"changbin!" you exclaimed, practically leaping into his arms despite their preoccupation. "i missed you so much." you squeezed him tight.

"i missed you more, baby." he kissed your cheek as you let go of him.

but then it hit you.

"you asshole!" you whacked his chest with a smile, "i've been glum all week because of you!"

"i didn't want to lie to you, trust me, but chan and jisung thought it would be a good idea to surprise you." he said with a hearty laugh. "so are you surprised?"

god you'd missed that laugh.

"i really am." you couldn't stop smiling as you pulled him inside, "my whole family is here, are you ready to meet them? it's okay if you aren't, i'll kick them out." you were only being semi-serious as you peered up at him.

"what? no! i'm eager to meet them, i even brought these." he held up the bag of gifts.

"you brought them presents?" you were even more surprised now. he hadn't met your family yet.

"i remember you mentioning that you were cooking christmas lunch for your whole family." he shrugged. "this one is for you anyway." he tried his best to wiggle his shoulder that the gift was wedged under.

you took the bag of gifts from him, allowing him to properly hold your gift. "we can put these under the tree for now, then you have to come eat lunch and meet everyone." you were positively beaming.

you helped him put the presents under the tree before pulling up a spare chair next to your own at the dining table. you introduced him to everyone, and as most families do, they began bombarding your poor boyfriend with excited questions. changbin, ever the gentlemen as you always say, gladly answered them all as he dug into his lunch.

he'd really missed your cooking, he thought as he continued answering questions about himself and your relationship.

after everyone was totally full from lunch, you all began exchanging gifts. your family was just as surprised as you had been to recieve gifts from changbin. they felt so bad for not getting him anything, but he only joked and said that they'd have to get him twice as much next year.

your family really liked him.

changbin adored his gift. "i can't believe you remembered i said that!" he said as he opened it. "i can't thank you enough, baby. headphones are just after you on the list of things i can't live without." he leaned in to pepper your cheek with kisses.

from changbin you received something truly special that he knew you'd love. it was a mixtape of demo songs he'd written about you since he met you—including those he'd written before you were dating. he'd felt really awful spending more time away from you than with you, and he knew that you liked romantic gestures such as this. it was the only other way besides surprising you that he could think of to start making up for lost time.

"hey, no crying." changbin wiped a few of your tears as you read the titles of the songs, you'd listen to them later, you knew you'd bawl your eyes out.

luckily your family were too busy with their own gift giving to notice your happy tears, wooyoung and haewon would definitely tease you if they saw.

after gift exchanging came drinking wine into the evening. especially you, changbin, your siblings, and your cousins. it was fun having a laugh and catching up with everyone. you heart felt full as you saw wooyoung and haewon getting along really well with changbin, almost too well, you thought as wooyoung began an unmatched tackle with changbin.

but soon, your family were saying their goodbyes, giving hugs, and wishing happy new years to you and changbin, as you wouldn't see them until after the new year.

wooyoung and haewon drunkenly whispered things like, "marry him." and, "he's a keeper." as you laughed and shoved them off the front door step towards your parent's car.

"c'mon, let's clean up." you dragged changbin to the dining table but he protested.

"can't we tidy up tomorrow?" he pouted. "i've missed you."

you jokingly narrowed your eyes at him, "don't try and guilt trip me."

"fine, fine." he raised his hands in surrender and began to stack plates with you. "you know, i'm not finished making it up to you." changbin side eyed you to catch your reaction.

you put down your handful of empty wine glasses, "we are cleaning up first thing tomorrow morning."

his head snapped up as he smiled in success, "i promise."

you weren't usually this easily swayed by anything, but to be fair, you'd really missed the feeling of being in his arms. and the feeling of, well, other things.

changbin hastily began untying your apron and pulling you closer to the bedroom. "merry christmas, baby." he whispered against your lips.

your bed needed a little warming up anyway.

[jennaissantes]

homophobia issue …

first of all,,, im bisexual!! so if anyone has a problem with that, please get off my blog. i will not be tolerating homophobia of any kind.

i really, really didn’t want to have to come out in this way, bc the situation is so bad right now. i really didnt expect enhablr to be facing this kind of a problem.

when i first heard about the issue, i was thoroughly shocked. like completely.

before anything, ill let you all read the definition of homophobia.

“discrimination” “dislike against the community” this. disrespect falls in the category of homophobia as well.

now to address the issue at hand. i wasnt directly involved in this problem. some of you may even be wondering why im making a post about it.

but as a part of the lgbtq community, i think id like to speak what i feel about this.

the situation we heard about was that an enhablr writer, had written dni: lgbtq in their account, which literally anyone would be surprised or angry at, especially if you belong to the community.

OP’s friend, who had recently become my mutual, was defending OP’s actions, which made me think of unfollowing them and i wanted to unfriend them. but then i found out it involves religion.

religion is a very sensitive topic for everyone and could go wrong in multiple ways. i respect all religions and beliefs.

so i texted OP’s friend, asking about the situation at hand, in case it was a misunderstanding.

i am aware that the quran forbids acting on gay feelings. it teaches you to not accept the gay ‘Lot’. (i have done my reading on this topic so i rlly hope im not saying anything out of line. if i am, please forgive me.)

but as far as i know, and have heard from my other islamic friends, the quran also tells you to respect and love everyone, no matter what they are or identify as. respect and acceptance are two different things. islam doe not encourage lgbtq, but doesnt tell u to NOT respect people of every kind.

if what they say is correct, then being on tumblr and reading and writing fanfictions is very much considered as haram as well.

in the above conversation, i texted them wanting to hear their side of the story as well. OP’s friend constantly used the word ‘opinion’ along with ‘belief’.

now, opinion and beliefs are two different things. opinion is something that YOU FOLLOW on your own will. belief is something that your religion teaches you to follow, against your will or not. you can notice OP’s friend has used the word opinion quite a lot.

OP’s friend had received an ask and this was their response.

‘everybody has their own opinion.’

again, the word opinion is used here, which conveys to us that they’re not wanting to interact with lgbtq community on their own accord.

i tried to explain that most of us get enough hate for being a part of the lgbtq community, and seeing dni:lgbtq, doesnt make it any better.

now, about OP.

when OP was answering asks, most of their answers were very mixed up,

in the third picture, you’ll see ive highlighted a sentence.

they say THEY DONT LIKE lgbtq. usage of first person is used. “i don’t like what they’re doing” which conveys their opinion on the community.

in the first picture, they claim that if tumblr was only lgbtq people, they’d never stay. how mean is that?

second slide, ‘escaping them’ escaping us????????? what does that even mean.

there was another pic, (that i cant add rn bc tumblr has an image limit), where they said “why do people have a problem w us saying dni lgbtq but no one has a problem if people say dni homophobic?”

… are they being for real.

i genuinely dont think they understand the situation properly. they keep saying the same thing, and mixing up opinions and beliefs.

the replies under OP’s pinned post were terrible. people said things like “im so sorry. what they’re doing is so fucking messed up.” we wouldn’t call out people for no reason just like that???

extra info: OP had written a suggestive niki fic before too.

people of the lgbtq community are humans too. it doesnt make us any different from everyone. please stop treating anyone differently, we are all of the same bone. spread positivity and happiness, not this negative energy.

please feel free to dm me if you’d like to rant abt anything! im here to listen anytime ❤️

please reblog this!

tagging mutuals: @haknom @amakumos @soov @soobnny @dazed-hee @chiyuv @delcakoo @dearheemain @kimsohn @goldenhypen @wonieleles @jaeyunverse @haerinz @hanniluvi [my head is poundinggggg rn so im sorry if i forgot anyone!]