PRETTY
chapter three
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It goes on like that for a while, then; the lies. The secrecy. The insatiable desire to keep searching him out, long after she stops promising herself it won’t happen again.
The crack of her bones as stiff arms pluck her from the sky, right in the wrong formation.
Breathless, Addison plants her feet on the floor when they turn her upright and stumbles away, clutching at her side like she can simply pull the offending rib out of her torso and throw it away, useless thing that it is. Her water bottle is an insurmountable distance across the room, a marathon’s length from the centre of the mat, too far for her stumbling feet to carry her. She doubles over, and forces breath into her lungs.
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"Weeeh! I wanna recruit Minthara on a good playthrough! Weeeh! I don't like the ultimatum and want to keep both Minthara and Halsin! Weeeh! I wanna make Minthara good! Weeeh! I don't want Minthara to break up with me!" Minthara deserves more content but none of these things are at all what she needs or deserves. No, these are all things that you want for yourself, but do absolutely nothing for her. This is one of the biggest L's in the game and it will forever enrage me because I just know it will never happen.
Minthara deserves to confront Orin like all the other companions do with their abusers. She deserves to scream and yell at Orin. She deserves to cut at her the same way Orin did, make her bleed and scream in pain. Minthara deserves to torture Orin, just as she did her in the mind flayer colony. Minthara deserves the right to roll up to the Temple of Bhaal and beat the shit out of Orin with her bare hands. Leave Orin begging for mercy in which Minthara will not even give her a drop. To slam Orin down on that altar and slice her throat, offer her up as a sacrifice to the father she is so blindly devoted to.
And yes, Minthara would be afraid. She would be TERRIFIED. Despite how strong and powerful Minthara is, she is also the only one afraid of Orin. Unlike Ketheric, or Gortash, or Sarevok, she is the only one who fully acknowledges just how dangerous Orin actually is and does not underestimate her. She will walk down into that temple, intending to duel Orin with a massive disadvantage because she is terrified.
Minthara choked when seeing Orin again in the mind flayer colony. She choked when seeing Orin as an imposter, throwing her deep into the ocean of paranoia and fear. And she is so entrenched in paranoia that it actually becomes palpable to everyone around her, even you. She describes herself as paranoid, but this is the first that you actually see how paranoid she is. And she choked again when Orin kidnapped someone in camp, making her feel inadequate, making a mockery of her for being unable to protect one of her own. And every day that passes, the more and more likely that the victim is going to die and she has doubts on their survival.
At every possible avenue in which Minthara could have done something or said something about Orin, she froze in place with fear. But she's had enough. She cannot be afraid of Orin forever and she doesn't want to be. One way or another, Orin has to die and she wants to get over that fear. She needs to know that Orin is dead, for herself.
This would also make the alurlssrin confession all the more impactful. She wants to tell you that she loves you in the best way that she can because of the very high likelihood that she will never have another chance to do so. She would beg you to come with her as you give her the courage. She has the courage to face her fears and confront her tormentor, because she knows she has you in her corner. If you have the courage to stand up to the very gods themselves, then she can stand up to Orin. Romanced or not, your presence alone is enough to give her the strength to do something she would otherwise be too terrified to do.
Minthara deserves the honor to solo duel Orin in a fight to the death. Minthara deserves the right to achieve vengeance for herself. No, I do not care that this confrontation would conflict with a Durge playthrough. In fact, it would provide a phenomenal source of some interesting, and toxic, drama between Durge and Minthara. Especially if they're in a relationship. This also does not mean that Minthara killing Orin instead of Durge would not have its consequences (because it most certainly will). Even if Minthara does not fight Orin, it would be so much better if Minthara was just given the fucking chance to yell at Orin like all the other companions in their personal quests.
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I can't believe Ming's mom and Tong really thought they were going to be able to keep Ming away from Joe. Bitch. Death couldn't even swing that shit. Nice try. They really thought "I'm gonna tell on you!" was gonna do anything?
Ming literally just basically said he thinks this man is his soulmate (Ming explaining that his fixation on Joe 2.0 was because when he met him he finally felt relief from a daily agony? You can't tell me that is not Ming saying 'my soul recognized yours') , the effort that Ming has gone through to get this man back... y'all never had a chance. No one stands a chance. He will do whatever it takes to be with Joe. Period.
Everyone else go home.
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I dont care about the odds of womens liberation happening because I dont solely focus on "winning" per se. That's not to say I dont want or aim towards it but freedom isn't just about the end but the journey too. Cultivating a lifestyle as a single childfree woman is something bigger than me and something I hold onto to get me by.
One thing about conscious is that we all know we're going to die. This terrifies some; but in some cases it gives a purpose to existence. Death becomes a metric to measure the things that are worth it in life, things to dedicate life towards for fulfillment in existing. Whether the end goal actually comes to fruition or not is irrelevant because the hope and purpose carries you as you live.
To get by the hardships of life and inevitability of death: dedicate yourself to something bigger than you. Having a sense of purpose beyond yourself drives innovation & delivery. It's not just about how long you live but what you live (& are willing to die) for. This is how cults, religion, charity, activism, natalism etc affect people. It gives them a sense of purpose greater than themselves so they devote their lives to them even in extreme cases where it'd kill them. They suffer & work in the name of their cause.
Many women regret encountering feminism & seeing maIes for how evil they are but I dont. I see things more clearly & more importantly it's given me a purpose in life; something to orient how I carry myself as long as I live: To pour my energy into myself & other likeminded women, to live beyond serving a maIe, to trust myself & not let the claws of maIe supremacy sink into me, to be the subject of my life instead of the object, to know I'm ending the line of suffering and not giving maIes what they ultimately want - another soul in the chain to continue the suffering, etc. That's the direction I'm taking my life.
I'm saying all of this because with things like separatism, 4B etc if you're serious about it think about these things as something bigger than yourself let it be something that you devote yourself to that goes beyond you. In the end it isn't just about you, it's about the future children you're saving from experiencing the hurt & suffering of this world. For me, no matter what happens as long as I dont give birth before I die that's a W for me - when I die the suffering in my line ends with me. So that's how I see this as something bigger than myself, it's not just about me but my (potential) future offspring. And before anyone tells me about how there's good in this world; good isn't guaranteed but suffering is.
When you give yourself to something bigger than you you're able to commit to things for the greater good & not just doing things for the sake of it. I dont refuse to date, reproduce, wear makeup, etc to stick it to anybody; it's just freeing for me. I think the lack of seeing these things as something bigger than yourself is part of why many women struggle to commit to this or even think of the idea (there's obvs many reasons but I wont get into them to stay focused). I commonly to hear things "I'm not doing x for some fringe online movement" because they dont see a greater good, sense, or purpose to it so instead women will get in pro woman spaces demanding it caters to them & their existing habits rather than working within these spaces towards a goal greater than themselves compared to dating which is why they're willing to inconvenience & risk more in that regard.
This might sound extreme but many people whether they're aware of it or not have a purpose for themselves at some point & legacy they want to build to leave something behind or it fulfils them. For me the way I see all of this is that I want to succeed as a single childfree woman as my legacy. That's what I build towards. I occasionally ask myself that if I was to die now would my life & the things I did reflect what I believed in at the end of the day. Now obviously people have different motives & legacy aspirations which causes conflict (even with maIe supremacy it's about legacy which is why maIes live & die for it. It makes it easier for them to reproduce & steal labour from women to pass off as their own & that's something added to their legacy - something that lives beyond). Ofc not everyone gets remembered but in the grand scheme of things as I mentioned it's not about the end goal but the journey there.
The thing with fulfilment is that it is so strong if this thing wasn't there people likely wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Despite the criticisms of religion, part of why it's so powerful & popular is bc many people wouldn't know what to do without that framework shaping their lives. Something they can lean on in hard times, something that directs the way they go about their daily lives so people take it very seriously with its ups and downs as it gives them purpose & they'd be lost otherwise. Similar thing with patriarchy, if you remove the benefits it comes with; maIes wouldn't have a purpose to work towards & existence wouldn't be worth it for most of them. This is why many of them dont care about going on rampages even if it costs them their lives to uphold the system as they have nothing to live for out of maIe supremacy. A loss of those structures would be a net negative as they have to work harder for the same or less results.
For many women, romance is something that fulfils them & adds purpose to their lives (remember having purpose to something means you're willing to struggle for it). In my previous post I addressed the argument of how there'll be violence when women reject maIes en masse but even when women choose to date maIes the risk of violence is still there (which there's endless strategies on how to 'vet' and mitigate) but they still go for it because a having relationship is something bigger than themselves. These things fulfil them so much so that many women refuse to take maIes as they are & actively shut out news about their violence bc it'd make them hate them & they dont want to do that bc losing romance would be losing it all. It isn't just about them, they're looking for someone to explore, build, and create life with as it fulfils them so they'd be willing to take risks to find that. Hell even out of dating, many women will risk their lives & livelihood to advocate for maIes politically as they see the cause as greater than them.
I've provided examples to put this concept in context so for the more relevant part: as a single childfree woman where does this leave you? Find a sense of purpose & fulfilment to it. This is something that has to come from within for it to stick, a sentence I say isn't going to give you purpose bc you dont know me & I dont know you. To a degree, typical things that give people purpose & fulfilment are messages that have been instilled into them from childhood. As people grow & face challenges it's something they lean on and it works for them to get by life. Many religious people look to their creator when they're going through hard times in addition to everything else they do surrounding religion as they devote themselves to that. So having a purpose & sense of fulfilment is important bc when adversity inevitably comes up it will help you overcome it.
TLDR: We're always taking risks depending on what we find purpose & fulfilment in. These things tend to be bigger than ourselves. Find purpose and fulfilment to being a single childfree woman.
This is the final part of my series of posts about the popularity & rise of single childfree women:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
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I don't think we talk about xiyao exes to lovers enough. I understand that in canon the "breakup" ended with death and imo it was never going to end any other way (I have a lot of feelings about how jgy is doomed from the start) but even in aus where survival is an option I barely ever see their full potential realized. The fact that there is this heartbreaking gap that is between them now, and yet that, despite it all, they can't stop loving each other. When you have drama this good, why is the conflict relegated to outside threats and we end up with little to no exploration of internal strife, of the fact that these guys have been living a domestic lie for a decade (I cannot stress this enough, the amount of parralels between xiyao and jgy's marriage to qin su are staggering.)
And let me be clear I will NEVER begrudge anyone their hurt/comfort and wanting their faves who are denied happiness and peace at every turn to find it. god knows I need that sometimes. Or even the less healthy but so emotionally devastating fics where the caring isn't good, and it doesn't fix anything- might only make things worse, actually- and xichen ends up recreating his father's fate. I love all of those things. But. Man. This divorce was over 11 years in the making it should take AT LEAST that long to resolve. What do you do when the person you trusted the most lied to you for years? What do you do when the only person who's ever believed in you loses that faith so completely they'd hurt you over a lie without hesitation? I need me some xiyao who try to get over each other for 20 years and fail. I need them to meet after not seeing each other for years and have it hurt like no time has passed at all. I need arguments where no one raises their voice but that feel like a screaming match anyway. Do you see my vision?? Do you see what we could have?
(if fics that do exacly this are out there, recs are of course welcome)
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Late night self indulgent drabble incoming. (Heavely inspired by @zoanluen 's Dance with the Dead AU)
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The boy couldn't believe it actually worked. He thought he'd get caught for sure, but here was Theo, experiencing his first live-in concert, while practically hanging from the rafters of the ceiling. His tail wrapped tightly around the steel beam to keep his balance.
The show was everything he imagined it would be. The band members themselves were just as spectacular in person. The lead guitarist, energetic and as wild as his massive mane of hot pink hair, almost seemed on fire thanks to the spotlights. The pianist, hyper focused and mysterious, his blue skin giving him an ethereal glow on stage. And there's the drummer, keeping the beat in robotic sense that made it very clear how much they rehearsed for the act.
Their music was as enchanting as it was heart-pounding. Rhythms of a time, of a world, long dead and buried. A ghost that refused to be laid to rest. It stirred an unexplainable longing in Theo's chest. A fire wanting to take wing and burn the night sky until the stars are as bright as the sun itself.
Watching the performance, Theo’s eyes burned its ember glow. The Firebird desperately yearning to rise her song, and to dance with the dead....
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Concept:
It's May 4th and Shinra has been talking about his plans to marathon Star Wars with Celty. He isn't particularly interested in the series but Celty is intrigued by aliens and all. Izaya is annoyed. Of course Shinra, as usual, only cares about Celty. It still makes him feel gloomy though, it's not like Shinra ever forgot his birthday before.
He gets even more annoyed when Shinra calls him for a favor. Why should he care if Shinra forgot a few things at the store? But it's fine, whatever, it's not like he has anything better to do. Even his own sisters didn't bother to send him his birthday death threat.
Shinra told him to let himself in. He doesn't know why all the lights are off. He huffs and turns them on all just to be bombarded by a chaotic mess of "Happy Birthday" wishes and a camera flash in his face.
He doesn't know what to say or how to react. He sees Shinra, Celty, his sisters, Kyohei and the van gang, Simon was there. He wants to get mad, how dare he be fooled like this. In truth, he doesn't even know how to feel about it.
You see, his self-worth is so low that he can't understand, people do care about him.
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ok prediction time
(it’s my first time playing bg3, i know nothing about the plot; DO NOT SPOIL ANYTHING FOR ME. currently im at moonrise towers and the extent of gale’s plot is that he’s been stabilised by elminster and has also just made the shadow lantern. shoutout to astarion for being the only one not to tell me that was a bad idea, that’s when you know you’re making good life choices)
so what i’m getting from this is that the big moral choice in gale’s story is gonna be to get forgiveness and acceptance from mystra (presumably before/without using the orb) vs embracing his own ambitions and, having a vague idea of the intensity of some of the endings, possibly going way off the deep end with that
while i don’t know the full story for other companions, im feeling like gale was probably the best choice for me in terms of playing an origin because im an extreme completionist and im going to get sage inspiration points all over the place, but im also going to push *everything*. i want to follow every potentiality to its end, make dodgy deals, play all sides, etc.
and surface-level that sounds good for playing as astarion (definitely getting a lot of charlatan inspiration), but what it really means is that i get a lot of approval from astarion and also i feel like it’s gonna affect the way gale’s story ends a lot more. gonna try not to go too far off the deep end but it’s gonna be pretty tempting lmao. i’ll just keep downing these tadpoles and ‘trusting’ my hot dream guy. nothing can possibly go wrong!
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