#i feel ungrateful and unworthy

[tisziny]

I've been "having a bad day" for so many days now.

[goldkirk]

oh man, owning a body is way scarier than being in one while not owning it is

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

huntlow shippers who cherry-pick every single frame where these two stand next to each other and TJLC it into a secret metanarrative that they’ve actually been madly in love since the moment they met, but disney forced the crew to cut the token m/f couple during The Shortening bc somehow there was no way for these two to have any meaningful conversation in the many many times they were onscreen together

vs.

huntlow dislikers who cherry-pick those same screenshots and say that because other characters blush in non-romantic contexts sometimes, it definitely means every single interaction between these two were 100% platonic on both sides and all huntlow shippers are under a collective delusion, and that dana terrace is being held at gunpoint by disney/other members of the crew to add in a romantic subplot she hates against her will. despite it also not being romantic somehow

FIGHT

[furiousgoldfish]

How many of these 'rules for thee but not for me' have your abusive parents enforced on you?

I am allowed to criticize you, insult you, humiliate you and put you down in front of others. If you ever as much as imply I do anything wrong, or make me look bad in front of anyone, I will end you.

I am allowed to be aggressive, loud, intimidating, forceful and violent. You're not allowed to use force even in self defense, otherwise you are the abusive one, and how dare you.

I am allowed to need attention, comfort, appreciation, admiration, praise, reassurance, resources, time, energy, and everyone's support, at all times. If you ever need any of this, not only you are a burden but you're taking away attention that could have been mine and I need it more than you do. You do not deserve any of it.

I am allowed to make mistakes, to do harm with 'good intentions', to make human error and do things completely wrong. Everyone needs to give me a benefit of the doubt and forgive me immediately. If you ever make something I decide is a mistake, not only I will assume you had the worst intentions, but I will punish you severely for it and make you feel like you're the worst failure ever born.

I am allowed to control you completely. I can forbid and deny you anything, even food. I say what you do and when you do it, and you have to do it regardless of how rude I am asking it. If you ever even ask me to do something you need me to do, I will act like you are unreasonable, selfish and trying to take something away from me.

I am allowed to be emotional, whiny, complain, rant, threaten, wallow and cry. You are not allowed to show any emotions or you're spoiled, whiny, insufferable and unworthy of human society.

I am allowed to be seen as human and reasonable, all my actions excusable, and nobody is ever allowed to forget that I have emotions and that it's wrong to blame me for anything. You are not allowed any of this, you don't get to be taken seriously, and all of your actions are inexcusable. I can forget you're human and that you have emotions and it still makes me better than you.

I am allowed to hurt you if you do anything that irritates or annoys me even a little, even if you did it unknowingly and were just being a human. If you ever hurt me, even accidentally, you are a demon, worst child alive, and deserve to burn in hell forever.

I can take any revenge against you and it's justified. If you even consider any kind of revenge, you're evil.

I can forget that you exist and not care at all how my decisions affect you and your life. If you ever make a decision without considering my feelings first, you are the most selfish, disgusting, deprived and evil person who lives only to cause me harm.

My anger directed at you is righteous. Your anger directed at me is selfish, ungrateful, spoiled, deranged, out of control, disgusting, dangerous, makes you evil.

If I ever show contempt at you, you are supposed to still rationalize it as 'love'. If you ever as much as look at me wrong, I will take it as an expression of utter unreasonable hatred and disrespect.

I deserve respect, regardless of what I do to you. You don't deserve respect, and you never will, regardless of what you do for the rest of your life.

I am intelligent, and my every decision is superior to any of yours. You will never be intelligent, your every decision will be considered stupid until you do exactly as I tell you to.

I decide who you are and how are you to be treated. You don't get to decide, not for yourself, not for me. You will perceive me how I tell you to perceive me. I will perceive you as unlovable and awful no matter what you do, and you must perceive yourself this way too.

You must center me in your life. You are completely irrelevant to me and exist solely to make me look good, give me benefits of labour and love and to avoid making any trouble for me. If you try to do otherwise I will attack you as if you are the worst creature existing who is a burden to everyone alive.

Guests and relatives are here to give attention to me. You are not allowed attention and should instead be there as a servant/make me look good.

It is never my fault how I react to you, or even for what I do to you unprovoked. It is always your fault how you react to me, and you are further responsible for all of my actions and emotions as well. Nobody is responsible for your emotions, you might as well not have any.

I am not responsible for my own violence. You are responsible for my violence, and for violence of other people towards you.

I deserve everything I ever wanted from parenthood and raising a child, and only good parts too. If anyone tries to make me go through any unpleasant part, they're stupid or evil. You do not deserve even the basics of a normal childhood, instead you need to be the toughest kid alive if you want to survive.

I can be sensitive to every little hint, implication or face expression. You are not allowed to be sensitive even to the most crude and humiliating remarks or insults. You are not allowed to even have a problem with threats, blackmail or violence.

Whatever bothers me is a real and serious issue. Whatever bothers you is superficial, unimportant, made-up, you dramatizing and you seeking attention. Your problems are not real.

I cannot be compared to anyone for I am unique and special. You can be compared to the most despicable monsters, criminals, predators, and other groups of people that I consider disgusting.

If I am sick, it's a tragedy. If you are sick, stop pretending and get to work. And it's also your own fault and how dare you be sick only to force me to tolerate you being in bed and otherwise ignore you. You've done this on purpose to make me worry.

If I'm hurt, no measure is big enough to comfort me, bring justice back into the world, ensure revenge and correct whatever evil hurt me. If you're hurt, you deserved it, and you're probably just making it up anyway.

Taking care of me is your responsibility. Taking care of you is nobody's chore and you're selfish for wanting it.

My problem are your problems, and you are responsible for fixing them, even when you can't possibly do anything about them. Your problems are irrelevant and nobody cares.

You have to make me look good even at the price of truth, free will, and your own sanity. I can make you look bad in front of others for fun and amusement.

If you're inconvenient to me, I have every right to hate you, hurt you and do anything in the world to force you to change whatever is bothering me. If I'm inconvenient to you, adjust, and keep silent.

[graysparrowao3]

Baldur's Gate 3 Patch 6 - Missing Letter from Rolan (Version 2 - Romance, he's been writing letters this whole time and believes he is the one being ignored).

For the attention of the Savior of Baldur’s Gate.

If you have already surmised the author of this correspondence, I beseech that you might read until the end before casting it aside.

This feels all too familiar: before a blank page, quill in hand. Considering what I might possibly say to persuade you to respond, given that my words thus far have not moved you to reply. I understand you doubtless have more important matters to attend, and I would not presume to be the highest of your priorities. Nonetheless, I cannot express the sheer relief it would be were you to find but a moment to pen a response. Any response.

Some might think me terribly selfish – to have all this, my family, the tower – and still be yearning for yet more still. Perhaps they’d be right, and how ungrateful it feels to find no joy in it all, but I cannot escape the irrefutable fact that you judge me unworthy of acknowledgement. Were you to tell me to cease these pathetic appeals for your attention, you have my word I shan’t ever again put ink to parchment in your name. I cannot fathom what I may have done to encourage this distance, and you need not tell me – simply knowing if my efforts are in vain would suffice. I languish, and I embrace embarrassment to beg you to allow me peace.

I will continue to await any word, however welcome or painful they may be. Anticipating the moment you see fit to share your thoughts with me once more. I implore you – write to me, won’t you?

Yours, should you desire it,

Rolan

[lollytea]

When it comes to Hunter's side of huntlow, one of the most compelling aspects to me is him getting comfortable with wanting, even when he doesn't feel entitled to it.

Hunter's experience with love is very depressingly one sided, with him putting everything into his devotion to his Uncle, and receiving the bare minimum (at best) in return. He's never dared to ask Belos "Can you sit and talk with me for a while? Can you please think fondly of me? Can you be kind to me?" because he's been programmed to believe that this is far more emotional labour from Belos than he deserves to ask for and he should be grateful with what he is given.

Hunter has resigned himself to not expecting much from relationships. Any trace of kindness will have Hunter pledging undying loyalty to whoever offered it to him, because he believes that person is going above and beyond what Hunter deserves.

He's not going to stop them from being kind to him. He will do anything for it. But I wonder if he sometimes feels guilty for accepting it so wholeheartedly. For being too weak to resist the warmth because he's been starved for so long.

Anyway. This friendship with Willow, the budding romantic feelings and the (eventual) relationship.

The popular consensus around the time that Labyrinth Runners aired, was that Hunter wouldn't even be sad if Willow rejected his feelings because her friendship is enough for him. And while I agree that remaining friends with her is first and foremost Hunter's priority, I don't know if he wouldn't be sad. At least a little. Because in this hypothetical scenario, if Willow rejected Hunter, that means that he must have taken a huge leap and done something that he never thought he had any right to do. He asked for more. He revealed to her that he wanted more.

This is a tricky concept to articulate without giving some people the impression that I'm saying Hunter would believe he's entitled to Willow's romantic attention and if she rejects him, he would get all mopey about it. I'm stating quite the opposite.

Would he gracefully accept being rejected? Yes.

Would he make her feel bad about it? No.

Would he continue to treasure his platonic relationship with her because he still adores having her in his life? Of course.

But would he be sad? Even a little? Well....what I'm saying is that I think it would say a lot about his growth and his feelings of self worth if he was a little sad.

He deserves to feel sad.

I think very early on, when Hunter first cut off Belos, he thought he had everything. He had food and shelter and clean clothes and books and a sewing machine and safety and warmth and fun and love. Everyone was so nice to him. This was practically a utopia.

But as time goes on, he should eventually come to terms with the fact that he's not the luckiest boy in the world, but he simply has what everyone is entitled to. These aren't luxuries. They're rights.

And I think an interesting mental journey for him is realizing that it is not disgustingly ungrateful for him to continue wanting, even when life feels idyllic.

It's not selfish to want to kiss Willow, even when being her friend is already so wonderful.

It's normal to want. It's human nature. And he is somewhat human, isn't he?

I like the idea of Hunter taking initiative in steering his relationship with Willow in a more romantic direction (with her consent, obviously). I like what it says about him and how secure he's become in himself.

It demonstrates that even if his insecurities still linger, he is willing to seek out things that he would have once believed himself unworthy of.

Maybe this thing with Willow won't work out. And that's okay. It's just life. But he at least wants to try. He wants to pursue a relationship. He wants more.

I think it puts him in a humiliating position. But also a brave one. Empowering too.

I would like Hunter to stand in front of Willow and unapologetically ask "Will you love me please?"

[ryuluvr]

echoes of rain and love.

(wlw fem!reader x jinx, sfw)

tags: pure fluff, established friendship and mutual crush, jinx follows you around without your knowledge, silco is alive, quick mentions of weapons + bombs, shimmer!jinx, arcane!jinx (18+ age)

notes: honestly this is just self-indulgent bc i love jinx so much. it's short n sweet, sorry!

wc: 1.2k

the moon replaced the sun in the sky as the streets became more busy, people flooding in and out of the multiple bars, clubs and brothels around. you thought to call it a day, keeping only one dim lamp on in your bedroom before throwing yourself down on your double bed. it always felt more lonely at night.

with your head gently placed on your pillow, a deep sigh escaped your lips, fluttering your eyes shut after a few moments. you had no real intention of sleeping yet since you were dying to continue a book you started the previous morning, but exhaustion got the better of you, allowing you to slowly doze off on top of the covers.

close to half an hour passed before a loud crash followed by the sound of items falling to the floor woke you up from your sleep. you sat up as fast as you could, heart pounding hard in your chest as you scanned the room. your gaze moved from your books scattered across the floor to jinx standing by the window, but it took you a few seconds to realise she wasn't on the outside of it.

"look, don't be mad.." jinx began, her voice almost as low as a whisper, holding up her hands in defence while a grin tugged at the corners of her lips. "i just wanted some company. sevika's out working, and i was lonely."

you exhaled as you shook your head in disbelief, begging your heart rate to decrease as soon as possible.

"i'm flattered i'm your second option." you couldn't help but smile. this wasn't the first time your friend broke into your apartment just to see you, you just wished she would let you know beforehand and enter like anyone else would, through the front door.

you ran your slender fingers through your hair, watching closely as jinx tiptoed around the belongings she knocked over on her way in, approaching your bed with a slight pout.

"aw, come on. you know you're my first, really." her tone was playful but it was clear she meant every word. you're constantly shocked at how she can have so much energy quite literally twenty four hours of the day. jinx plopped herself on your bed, causing you both to bounce a little, eliciting a tired groan from you.

"sooo, whatcha been up to?" jinx sat crossed legged opposite you, her attention entirely on you and your answer. you had to take a few moments to think, not that you did much in the day.

"work." you rolled your eyes while tucking some strands of hair behind both ears, soon noticing the way your lamp flickered to your side. "it feels like that's all i do lately. i'm exhausted."

jinx tilted her head to one side in curiosity and you saw her pick at her own nail polish, leaving every single nail chipped. she can never stay still, no matter what.

"so why don't you quit?" jinx's question caused you to lightly laugh, assuming it was unworthy of an answer. silco has covered everything for jinx since the day he took her into his care. money hasn't been a problem for her for a while now and she currently has a guaranteed place to live. she's not entitled or even ungrateful by any means, she just has no reason to handle currency anymore.

after pushing yourself back up against the headboard of the bed, you trailed your eyes back up to jinx's face, noticing and loving the way her pink eyes shimmered in the dark room. her braids laid neatly across her lap; you couldn't help but wonder what she would look like with her hair completely down. you imagined yourself running a brush or even your own fingers through her hair, listening to jinx hum her favourite song.

"you still making those little chompers?" you asked curiously, jinx's face instantly lighting up.

"you bet! the one i'm currently working on is gonna be even bigger and better than the last! i'm thinking of testing it on some pesky enforcers once it's done." her excitement plastered a smile onto your face, giggling at her enthusiasm. sometimes you wished she would invite you to her weapon testings, but you knew she didn't purely for your own safety. hurting you in any way would absolutely destroy her.

"then, you'll have to let me know how it goes. just maybe not at one in the morning, okay?" truth is, deep down you wouldn't get angry at her even if she came to you at five.

your friend leaned forward to mess up your hair, chuckling to herself soon after. "i wouldn't count on it." her gaze quickly landed on your window due to the raindrops gliding down the glass, the sound of thunder indicating a storm was quickly approaching.

the weather was enough to make you rush out of bed and head for your wardrobe, taking ahold of some comfy pyjama shorts alongside a black oversized t-shirt, throwing them onto jinx's lap.

"you're not going out in that. i know what you're thinking." you frowned as you spoke to her, your voice full of concern and care. the other girl parted her lips to protest but you cut her off instantly. "you can stay here tonight, if you'd like."

jinx glanced down at your clothes, suddenly in her own world while she ran her fingers across the soft materials. eventually she nodded, unexpectedly giving in with a grin.

"more time with you? don't have to tell me twice." her sweet giggles filled the room, feeling your own heart swell with adoration. you turned your back to her, letting her change into your clothes in peace.

the rain continued to hammer down outside, wind howling too. once jinx stated she was done, you turned on your heel to face her, deciding to fold her clothes up for her before gesturing towards your empty bed. you thought it would take a miracle for her to settle down considering her hyper nature, but to your surprise she slid under the covers and let out a soft sigh. you've never seen her so peaceful or still before, and you weren't sure you'd ever see her this way again.

you followed suit, scooting in bed beside her and pulling the duvet further up to reach your shoulders in an attempt to warm yourself up.

without any warning jinx rolled from her back onto her side to face you, your eyes widening with surprise when you noticed her face was merely centimetres away from yours. blood rose slightly in your cheeks, unable to find any words to speak.

jinx's pink eyes remained glued to yours, and her sweet smile never faded. something about this moment was just so beautiful and you felt like there was nothing you wouldn't do to freeze time. the room was quiet, except for the distant thunder rolling in waves. you took your hand and pushed some strands of hair out of jinx’s face, your touch slow and soothing, as if trying to match the rhythm of your deepening breaths.

the soft crackle of lightning illuminated the room for a brief second, casting fleeting shadows over both of your faces. you leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to jinx’s nose, then another to her forehead, your lips lingering just for a moment. a bigger smile curled on the other girls lips, her eyes growing heavy with sleep. you both nestled closer, your legs tangling beneath the covers, comforted by each other's presence. eventually, your eyes drifted shut, and you surrendered to sleep, wondering if jinx will still be beside you in the morning.

[im-out-of-it]

HAPPY ALEC RANT: MAINLY SHOW ALEC (KINDA BOOK ALEC) BUT HOW HAS MY BOY NOT HAD A MILLION MENTAL BREAKDOWNS?????? CHEERS TO MY MAN ALEC FOR KEEPING HIS SHIT TOGETHER

seriously alec puts up with sooooo much shit. he’s always saving jaces worthless ass, Maryse and Robert are always on him for “family honor”, jace is always yelling at him when clary goes missing as if he can be held responsible for her, and poor soul is just so unhappy

book Alec: not going to mention the writing because it’s so atrocious and ah shit, I already did!!!! seriously, Alec gets treated badly by jace mostly all throughout the series. Alec constantly has to save his life in every book. he’s made to feel that he needs to come out. even Magnus (WHY MAGNUS) is pushing Alec to come out and coming after A TEENAGE ALEC. I feel like Alec is simply not happy basically throughout the whole TMI series. he’s made to be biphobic, acting as though Magnus can’t have a past, tries to make Magnus mortal (ALEC WOULD NEVER), and dude can’t even be his own person without thinking of jace. he’s so badly written and cc has damaged his character so much. I genuinely hope in my world, he’s more like show Alec and living his best and carefree healthy life with Magnus 🥰

show Alec: MY FAVVVVVVVVV!!!!!! his parents are on him for saving the family honor and reputation (because of fucking clary ew), then Maryse gets mad after Alec finally chooses for himself, jace is always using him and expecting Alec to drop everything and save him, clary does the same and doesn’t care about the rules just what she wants. Lydia was such a small character and I know some don’t like her but at least she was nice towards Alec.

honestly in majority of the first season, everyone is yelling or getting shitty with Alec. I’m sorry but this man is so reasonable and lenient. he has let a ton of shit fly!!!! if I was in charge of the institute, I would’ve shipped clarys annoying ass off somewhere else. sorry but not my problem 💀 and the way jace treats Alec is unforgivable. I really wanted Alec to give in and go off completely. I’m glad he stands up for himself cause boy did not have the honor to do it in the books. we know we get the “I’m not your bitch” line but let’s be honest, Alec isn’t his own person.

I’m just amazed he never went completely unhinged. Magnus, Lydia, Izzy (mostly) are probably the only people who are nice to Alec and don’t treat him badly. a little bit of Simon too!!!!! Alec seriously deserved a huge vacation after season one. I’m amazed he stuck by jaces side after all jace did. let that fucker die and stay dead, please!!! IM SERIOUSLY BEGGING AT THIS POINT LMAO

just major props to Alec for not losing his shit and being one of the best characters ever. I can see why Matt is so proud of Alec and whoever changed show Alec and made him better, THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY COLD HEART SERIOUSLY THANK YOU

because what the fuck was it with jace saying “oh Alec will be here.” like Alec has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be involved with all the missions clary is trying to accomplish (bitch there are rules wtf), resulting in his family’s reputation, Izzy being almost reduned. he expects Alec to do whatever he says. and then when ms. I don’t care about the rules so I’ll run away does indeed run away, jace says Alec isn’t doing his best. might I add, is crossing the line. Alec has done so much for you, you ungrateful unworthy ass!!!!!! somebody needed to beat this child I swear

he gets to be happy with Magnus and actually shows what a healthy and fun relationship is. tries to change the relationships between downworlders and shadowhunters. MAKING HISTORY!! is probably the best leader ever in my opinion. he’s just out here thriving

also wish they would’ve kept his sassiness throughout the seasons. imagine his range and sass please. WE NEEDED IT

[udretlnea]

The Interesting Inazumans

Prompt: Inspired by this post

A/N: I love writing shenanigans. Also, happy birthday to me AND I’m quite excited to play Honkai Star Rail; I meant to have this up earlier, but I lost motivation 75% of the way through and that was quite annoying to deal with. Furthermore, this is more or less set-up for what I have planned next. Nothing too exciting I’m afraid, but think of it this way: if I kept writing exciting action scenes, then it would slowly lose its charm. Thus, it’s better to space things apart to keep things interesting. (By the time of writing this, my birthday will have passed.)

Words: 1386

Part two to, “An Idealized Image”.

Tags: @iruiji , @kamiyadidi

Kamisato Ayaka stood on the sidelines watching Yoimiya and Itto with confusion and interest; Kuki Shinobu merely looked down in shame, a hand covering her eyes. Heizou was standing on the side as well, looking at the beetle battle with interest and a hint of amusement. Gorou and Kirara were barking and hissing at each other, respectively; Kokomi tried to calm him down to little effect. 

The scene was pure chaos. Truly, this was an embarrassment to your pride as the Divine Overseer; nothing could make you feel worse.

Two weeks since your arrival

It hasn’t even been a month, yet you are beginning to get accustomed to your new life as “Divine Overseer”. You were resting on your bed, recovering from your sword training with Ei.

Let’s recap: After waking up in Chinju Forest and observing your appearance, you walked all the way to Inazuma City; when your stomach growled, you grabbed the first edible thing you saw which just so happened to look like raspberry, but yellow. Nobody paid attention to you when you arrived; the ones that did notice usually stared for a little and then went about their day. That suited you just fine since you couldn’t come up with a backstory to save your life.

You wandered around the city, eventually making your way to the Statue of the Omnipresent God. You felt drawn towards it, like something was calling to you something deep inside of you.

Then, Kujou Sara appeared behind you before you could get a chance to examine it further. With how much you suspiciously resembled a divine being you were brought into Tenshukaku. After answering some rather fascinating questions thank goodness they spoke something similar to English because you were dead if they spoke Japanese about a being called the Primordial One and passing a blood test you still remember the awe you felt when you bled silver instead of dark red you automatically were given a room in Tenshukaku.

The news spread like wildfire until even those from Watatsumi came to profess their faith and wishes. At first you felt unworthy of such a title, and who could blame you? You were some no-name nobody who appeared out of nowhere; not that you weren’t ungrateful for this cover, but still, if they ever found out the truth they’d probably have your head. Best to keep it to yourself for now. 

According to your individual research, this “divine overseer” was charged with making preperations for the return of some being called the Primordial One; they sounded quite important from the title alone. You weren’t terribly worried, not when you had an entire nation to assist you in this endeavor.

You adjusted to this sudden schedule rather quickly, in no small part thanks to Kujou Kamaji being assigned to help ease you into this…fascinating position. You were given a routine to follow: Calligraphy in the morning, bow training with Sara in the afternoon, and learning how to wield a sword with Ei at night. You didn’t know why you had to wield a weapon, let alone know how to fight with one, but any knowledge is useful and who wouldn’t want to know how to wield two weapons?

Your eyes began to feel heavy, and before long you drifted off to sleep.

Okay, the domain’s ready. Dropping it in 3…2…1…now.

Hey, update. Apparently Honkai Star Rail’s releasing later today. We’re not gonna finish in time.

…Okay. That’s bad, but we do have a protocol for that.

Understood. I’ll execute it now.

/////

The next afternoon, you found yourself sipping tea with Ei. Normally, you would be practicing shooting a bow with Sara, but the entirety of the Shogunate seems to have been gaslit by the sudden appearance of a new domain. It just appeared near Tatarasuna in Kannazuka Island. With it being so close to Kujou Encampment, Sara was the first to be informed and quickly led an investigation of the area.

All of this, Ei told you as she poured another cup for you, was because all of Narukami had dreamt the same thing last night: A dream involving you.

“Oh…I see. Did they say if they remembered any details?” You press gently, but Ei shook her head.

“Nothing clear. However, Kujou Kamaji has stated that the only consistent thing each person remembers is of a person whom they recall has hair as white as snow and yellow pupils…”

“I see…” You finish your tea rather quickly, earning a mean look from Ei. You set your cup down and cross your arms. “Then…I suppose there’s only one thing left to do.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Which is?”

“To take control of the situation, gather members for an exploration team, and then plan for the exploration itself,” you casually stated. You stood up from the mat and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Ei asked. You heard a mixture of concern and confusion in her voice, despite her attempt at hiding it. You turned your head to address her.

“Huh? I thought my plan would have informed you? I’m going to go find some willing volunteers to explore the domain.”

/////

It took an additional amount of time than you would’ve liked because Ei argued it, “wasn’t the Overseer’s duty to attend to such trivial matters when she could get a servant to do it”. Some back-and-forth banter later and a compromise was reached: gather some of Inazuma’s Vision holders plus some adventurers from the Guild to create an exploration team with.

A couple days later, the meeting was held inside Tenshukaku in the main room where the Shogun usually resided; Ei went to the Grand Narukami Shrine to speak with Miko, but she reassured you she wouldn’t take long.

Something you kept telling yourself even as Arataki “Numero Uno” Itto gave a come-at-me gesture to Naganohara Yoimiya; the two engaged in an Onikabuto battle then and there to decide who would accompany you, which begged the question why did they have Onikabuto with them?

Meanwhile, Kamisato Ayaka stood on the sidelines watching in confusion and interest; Kuki Shinobu merely looked down in shame, a hand covering her eyes. Heizou was standing some way off, looking at the beetle battle with interest and a hint of amusement. Gorou and Kirara were barking and hissing at each other, respectively; Kokomi tried to calm him down to little effect. 

The scene was pure chaos. Truly, this was an embarrassment to your pride as the Divine Overseer; nothing could make you feel more ashamed.

And then the doors opened. Almost comically, everybody paused to see who had arrived. They were basked in the light so only their silhouettes showed; then they casually strode forth, revealing a blonde female with a flower in her hair and a white haired…fairy(?).

“Uhh, Paimon’s confused. What’s going on here?” asked the white-haired fairy. She looked at each and every Vision holder. “Why are you all acting so out of character?”

“If you ask me, this bonehead over here is acting like himself.” Shinobu crossed her arms and glared at the oni. 

“Oh! Lu-Lumine! What an unexpected surprise!” Kamisato Ayaka put a hand on her chest. “It’s been so long since we’ve last seen each other…”

Lumine? You mean the same Lumine that managed to defeat a dragon, help stop a god that could command the ocean, and abolish the Vision Hunt Decree? You think to yourself with a growing sense of horror. Oh great, they’re definitely gonna judge me harshly. Somebody kill me now.

“Hello Ayaka. It’s nice to see you too,” she said plainly yet with a friendly tone. Then she put a hand to her chin. “But Paimon’s right. What happened here?”

“Well…you see, we all arrived here when the Divine Overseer put out a request to help with this Domain…” Yoimiya began.

By the time Yoimiya finished the explanation, everyone had cleaned up their act and was now kneeling on the tatami mats; they faced you with a neutral expression as if they hadn’t engaged in shenanigans earlier. The firework girl took a spot next to Kamisato Ayaka. Lumine stood in the back, and Paimon floated beside her. 

At last, you can get to building a team. You pray that nothing bad would happen.

Excellent. I think we can let it go here. Come on. It’s starting soon.

[ashs-cardboard-box]

Doubt

~ Charles Smith/Male!Reader

~ Romantic

~ 1.2k words

Request :3

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It was generally well accepted around camp, save for Micah, that Charles was one of the most honest, respectable men around. You couldn’t disagree. However, what a lot of them didn’t quite know, Charles himself, held a lot of doubt with himself. Struggling to find a place he’s truly wanted and cared for.

With a black father and a Native American mother, two sides of the minority spectrum weren’t exactly welcomed much anywhere. He figured he, along with many of the others around camp, would never find love. Until the two of you started dating.

While he didn’t show it outwardly to anyone, he would defend you to the ends of the Earth. You were one of the things he felt he could understand in a world where he was unwelcome. He felt unworthy of your affection, but that didn’t mean he was ungrateful. Far from it.

“Charles?” your voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he’s quick to raise his gaze from the arrow he was putting together. The rest laying at his feet, somewhat buried in the grass. Seems he’s been working on them all day.

“You alright?” you inquire, looking him up and down closely. His shoulders were practically up to his ears and he seemed more stiff than normal. You carefully step around the arrows to be able to stand next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Charles’ eyes follow your movements closely, seeming almost captivated by you. He sighs at your question with a slow shake of his head, going back to tying off the fiber of the dull point, connecting the insert into the shaft of the arrow.

Silence passes over the two of you for a long minute. You slowly move your hand up from Charles’s shoulder and onto the top of his head, affectionately stroking his hair down the back of his skull. The tension in his shoulders seems to all but vanish with your touch.

“Y’know you’re louder than you think.” you note, cocking your head as you look down at him sitting on an old crate. Charles looks up towards you through his eyelashes. The corners of his mouth turning upwards into a hint of a grin, before it falls flat as usual. You could read the man like an open book; something was on his mind. He might as well have been screaming to the high heavens.

“I just..” he sighs. His eyebrows creasing in the middle as his jaw clenched tightly. He’s never been one to hold his tongue on what he thinks, yet for some reasons, the words feel stuck on his tongue. He was always so humble on both his blessings and his shortcomings, yet in this moment, he couldn’t help but envy you. The way you spoke with ease, as if the burden you carry were as light as feathers.

“I was too young to remember my mother’s tribe.. And now that it’s gone..” he trails off once again. His fists balling around the incomplete arrow in hand, not yet sharp enough to cut his fingers should they accidentally glide over the head. “I don’t.. mean to complain.” Charles shakes his head dismissively and looks back down towards the arrow in his grasp. You frown at his reaction. You admire how needlessly selfless he is, yet sometimes you wish he would be selfish for once. To do something for himself instead of providing for either you or the gang, despite his loyalty to all of you.

“I can’t say I get it, ‘cause I don't.. but you’ll always have a place, ya hear?” you murmur, bending down slightly to place a kiss onto the crown of his head, only to kneel down next to him to be at eye level. Charles looks over towards you curiously, his expression unreadable. Eyeing you closely as if he’s expecting you to walk away at any given moment to wallow in his doubt, but you don’t. Catching him off guard when you trail your hand down his back and rest it on his knee.

“Yeah? You think so?” He muses with a dry chuckle. He looks at you for a moment, his stoic facade cracking slightly and giving way. Exposing the softer layer of a man hardened by the years on the run. Then his eyes divert right back to the arrow, going right back to tying it off. Bringing it to his mouth and tearing through the twine with ease, spitting out the stray fibers in the opposite direction of you.

You shift your position to sit in front of him, kneeling just before the pile of arrows bunched at his feet. Your hands sliding down his forearms, to his wrists, before reaching his hands. Gently coaxing them apart and slotting yourself in between them, putting yourself in his line of sight. Your knees digging into the grass below; the denim of your jeans only collecting grass stains.

“I know so, sweetheart.” you murmur. Your tone laced with absolute conviction. He feels silly, having you sit here and explain these things to him, yet you aren’t the slightest bit bothered. One of your hands moves from Charles’ hand and up towards his cheek, cupping it affectionately. The pad of your thumb caressing over his strong cheekbone, causing him to give a relatively shaky sigh.

Your touch was the one thing he could never trade for the world. The warmth of your skin on his own filled him with a sense of hope. An idea that maybe, just maybe, things would be okay in the end. His deep brown eyes lock onto your own. To anyone else, he would’ve seemed annoyed with your touch. You, however, can see past that. You can see the expansion in his pupils. The way his muscles relax and his heart quickens. The softer side to the quiet brute.

“You’ll always have a place in my heart. Always. There ain’t a person, place, or thing that could even compare to that.” Charles knew you loved him. What he didn’t know, however, was how much. The amount of love emitting from a single caress felt overwhelming.

“Seems you picked up Hosea’s wit; you always know what to say. One of the smartest men i know.” Charles mutters quietly. His hand drops the arrow into the grass next to you, only to rest his calloused hands on both sides of your neck, just underneath your jaw.

He wasn’t much for affection, but he would always make an effort for you. Leaning forward on his crate and capturing your lips in his own with a chaste kiss. You kiss back without hesitation, embracing it with open arms and an open heart. He can taste beer on your lips. A bitter, citrus-y taste, yet a welcome one nonetheless.

The two of you part after a few seconds with individual sighs of contentment, only for you to giggle like a giddy schoolgirl. “I just say what’s on my mind.” you shrug, pulling your hands into your lap and slowly rising back to your feet, causing Charles’ hands to move away from you.

He watches you closely as you check his supplies pile for his arrows. Noting his lack of, you promise to bring him more with a gentle kiss on the forehead before stepping away from him. Despite all of the doubts and uncertainty in the world, the one thing he could always be sure of was your love for him. You were the best man he’s ever met among camp, if not in his life.

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i had to rewrite this entire thing because my file got corrupted </33 I hope you like it :3

[lunar-years]

I love RoyJamie fics but when they take a moment to confirm that they’re both over Keeley I‘m like “I don’t want to be ungrateful and of course you should write how you see it, but you’re literally so wrong”.

real. I mean, I totally get it from a shipping pov, because if i just wanted rj together I'd be writing it the same damn way, lol. But that said, given my own shipping preferences I'm not gonna pretend I don't like it best when it's open-ended and they're shown to be friends with Keeley so that i can imagine it more easily in my head as a rj lead-in to eventual rjk. 😂

MY extremely nit-picky rj fic pet peeve is when they lean really heavily on a "Keeley deserves better" prelude to explain why they've suddenly moved on from her, lol. I don't even know how to explain why i dislike it exactly, but basically I think that while yes, they both know Keeley deserves better than how they treated her, their response to that would be to vow to do better in future, rather than be like ~oh well, she deserves better so she's not an option but we totally do deserve each other~ like ? ugh. idk I just hate how it frames it. For one, roy and jamie would totally doubt their own worthiness, yes, but i don't think they'd say the other is unworthy of Keeley, because they all see the best in each other that they can't see in themselves (imo). And I don't think love comes down to what you do or don't deserve anyway, you can't measure it in that way because it's an active choice on all sides. Like maybe Keeley does *deserve* "better" but is that what she wants? And also there's an element of like, Roy deciding for the both of them that he wasn't good enough for Keeley instead of listening to her and her feelings and desires is part of what got them into this mess in the first place!! idk it just annoys me for some reason hahah

but it's okay i just breeze past it if i see it and pretend i suddenly can't read 🤷‍♀️ as always everyone should write what they want to write however they want to write it etc etc

[holly-opal]

Can I get a Mr. Puzzles x Reader who thinks they’re not good enough? I haven’t really been doing so good recently, and I’m hoping requesting this will help me feel better

Tw: Panic attacks, child abuse, emotional abuse, and sexual content.

You sobbed on the floor, you felt your chest hurt, but you could barely feel it as you had a lot on your mind. You were panting, gasping for air as tears fell down your cheeks in a breakneck speed. All you could do was think about that phone call with your mother. Ah yes. The same woman who broke your self esteem everyday. The woman who forced you to do things you didn't want to do, such as ballet or soccer. The woman who humiliated you in front of your relatives at family gatherings and constantly compared you to other children. That was your mother. Your overbearing and emotionally abusive mother. When you and Mr. Puzzles got engaged, you gave your mother a call to let her know that you were getting married, and she didn't believe you. She thought you were joking at first, and then she started criticizing you like she always did, yelling at you.

"Mom I-"

"Am I supposed to believe that someone like you actually married someone competent? You? Come on, Y/N!"

"He loves me..."

"He loves your body, not your personality. Remember how you used to slut around for money? When you were to stupid to get into a college and couldn't afford your apartment? Did you tell him that?"

"That was years ago! I don't do that anymore..."

"Hm. You are honestly the biggest disappointment I have ever had. I gave birth to you so that you could continue my legacy, and what are you doing? Being a golddigger, that's what."

"I'm not! I promise you, I'm not!"

"I tried to help you be successful, but you always defied me, you ungrateful brat. I'll tell you this, when he inevitably divorces you, you'll be crawling back to me and you'll be admitting that you were wrong and that I was right."

And then she hung up the call. You have been crying every since. You felt inadequate, unworthy, and stupid. You wondered if Mr. Puzzles truly did love you, or if he just kept you around because you made him look better as a result. Your thoughts were getting the better of you, You heard the door open and looked over, it was Mr. Puzzles. He rushed over to you and picked you up. You sobbed into his shoulders as you gripped onto his shirt. "Starlight, what's wrong?" He asked you. You didn't want to tell him, you didn't, but you couldn't control yourself. You began to have a mental breakdown, spilling out all of your grievances, telling him about your trauma, the bad things from when you were four to now after the dreadful phonecall with your mother, you were practically screaming out your pent up frustrations and sadness. He listened to you and let you release yourself, he patted you on the back and shushed you when your rants became sobs and hiccups. You felt safe in his arms, and you didn't want to let him go, he carried you to the bed and laid you down, rubbing your back up and down. "Darling, do not listen to that witch, you are perfect just the way you are. I don't care about who you were before. I love you so much, it's as if I will explode from all the love I have for you." Mr. Puzzles said. You smiled a bit, and you both cuddled in bed. He gave you a ton of praise and kisses all around your body, you chuckled, you felt sort of sleepy afterwards. He looked you deep into your eyes, he was smiling widely at you, admiring you. "Do not let anyone tell you that you are worthless or pathetic, because you are not. You are the kindest, smartest, most talented, and the most gorgeous person I have ever met, and I cannot wait until we are officially married. Because that means I get to spend the rest of my days with you, mi amor." He said, and kissed you on the lips. You nodded and drifted off to sleep, dreaming of your wedding day with your loving husband. Mr. Puzzles got out of bed and searched for something under the bed, a shotgun. He then left to go pay your mother a visit.

[beevean]

Prompt: Isaac, during the three years alone, having sometimes dreams about Dracula praising him and telling him he is better than Hector and how blind he was and things like that. :)

Despite all, I can't seem to get used to the loneliness of my existence. They say that time heals all wounds; then why does it feel like a finger prying its nails in them?

Day and night have lost meaning for me, for my sleep is short, infrequent, and plagued. Indeed, I am no longer sure what is reality and what is fantasy.

When I close my eyes, Hector is in front of me, he rips me apart with his sword and holds my heart with a cruel, doting smile on his face. When I open them, he's still here, with his glistening hair and eyes burning like ice and lovely face coated in blood.

Why wouldn’t you leave me alone, Hector…? You abandoned me to die, yet you keep following me, yet I can’t reach you. It’s not fair.

I cling onto my Chauve-Souris until my knuckles crack; the scent of old blood soothes me and grounds me. Hector is not with me. He will not kill me again. My spear is my one companion. Even my children won't answer to my call anymore.

Ah, if He could see me, his most dutiful servant... would He be disgusted with me? Oh, my Lord, please, in Your infinite mercy to the cursed creatures like I am, please forgive me for my failure, and allow me to atone for my gravest sin.

I shy away from the heat of the fire, the absence of cold.

He visits me, one day.

Good boy...

My heart thrums in my chest. His voice, deep as a chasm, shakes my very insides. My knees can only buckle under the weight of His immense power.

Isaac, my Isaac... my precious, beloved Isaac. My best Forgemaster. The most loyal. Only you understand me and my plight...

His hand is like the chill of the wind storming outside. It brings me new life; I hold on it, I am allowed to touch it, and it leaves shivers in its passage.

Forgive me, Isaac, for not appreciating you more. I've been blinded by Hector.

And how could I not? I had been blinded by Hector too. I had been deceived, manipulated, tricked, as much as You were. Disgusting creature not worth to drink sewage for the rest of its wretched existence. I will kill it and bring You its head on my spear, I promise it on my life.

I realize now, how wonderful of a weapon you've been to me.

There is still time, my Lord! I will bring You back, and You will rule on this unworthy scorched land!

Bloodied fangs peek from His beautiful smile, my blood given to Him. He's plump and healthy thanks to me and me alone: I will nourish him until there is nothing left of me.

I was born for this. I was put on this miserable world so that You could draw life and heat from me.

Yes, you were. Good boy, Isaac. You make me proud.

I wake up with damp cheeks.

I smile, passing my fingers on my new metal collar.

I felt the need to make one for himself. Not for protection, as no creature would ever come to harm me, the tamer of demons. But it is a honor, a declaration to the world that forced me into hiding. No more. I have a reason to exist, and that reason is Lord Dracula.

I wear the collar and chains with pride. The chains tickle my collarbones and my ribs, and the collar feels like a cold hand tight on my throat. They are comforting, a symbol that I belong somewhere, and that somewhere is at Lord Dracula’s side. As long as I wear them, I will never be alone again.

The ungrateful world may have moved on, but not me. Not me. I will always be with You, my Lord. I will make You proud.

[jelliegirl]

sigh

i have such a weird lonely feeling surrounding me rn where i'm having trouble believing that i bring anything positive to any space im in despite peoples... explicit unprompted insistence to the contrary. i guess maybe it's imposter syndrome since i got my dream job and everyone is proud of me and cool people are welcoming me into a space that is so selective and friends and family back home are excitedly asking how it's going and it makes me feel... unworthy?

but it also feels deeper than that. i feel myself actively doubting positive things people say, or feeling like my responses to compliments are so embarrassing and ungrateful that they reverse the positive feelings a person has about me 3 seconds before and they suddenly hate me. this is causing me to withdraw from people who are nice to me.

also i wasn't expecting to be sad to leave my family, i was feeling very ready to regain some space and independence but now losing that support system has been a big loss for me and right now they're all celebrating my moms birthday together and im not there

maybe i need to go back in therapy or go back on antipsychotics to tide me over until my brain chemistry goes back upwards in spring but i don't know. i don't know

[kikowrites]

10/10/22 (desperation)

the intense burning desire to be anywhere but where you are is something i hadn’t felt so strongly in a long time.

but as i sat on the edge of the bathtub last night and held my phone to my ear as i whispered the words quietly to my mother, the pain felt like too much for me to be able to bear.

“i don’t want to be alive anymore, momma”

the words, terrifying to her and to me, felt like the most natural thing.

and i believed them.

because in that moment, they were true.

as i asked over and over

“how did i get here?”

with my husband outside of the locked bathroom door yelling and screaming from within his own anxiety attack

“you ungrateful bitch”

words are more hurtful when they come from people who you love the most

they know just how to cut you deeper than any blade

and as i sat there, trying desperately to keep from giving into the thoughts that told me he was right

i’m ungrateful and horrible and unworthy of love

i heard myself just repeating over and over again

“i know i can’t do anything. i can’t do anything to myself. but i want to so badly. its all i want.”

im not okay. but i wil be

because i have to be

i don’t have a choice.

to be anything

but okay

-

AN: I found this in my Google docs today and decided to share. I thought about editing it but I think it’s better to leave it authentic and raw like when I wrote it. If only I could tell this woman how much better off she would be without that toxic waste in her life almost two years later. How nothing excused him making her feel like she was unworthy of love. How she would breathe so much easier knowing that while she isn’t perfect, she finally loves herself the way she’s been trying to for years. I’m really proud of myself for how much I’ve grown and learned and I know that the best is still yet to come.

[mathi-cql]

It's sad when people make Wwx bring up his son of servant status as a barrier/reason why he's not worthy of Lwj's love. Because one of the best things about Wwx his that he's completely unashamed of his heritage. Yes he's aware of his relative privilege to others of similar status, and he's not ungrateful, but he doesn't think he's unworthy of anything he receives. In fact, what annoys other people in mdzs is that he doesn't act sufficiently grateful enough! Wwx sees nothing wrong with his name, or what his parent's status are. There aren't many cql only lines I like, but cql added the "you truly are wei ying" as a response to "you truly are hgj" and I feel like that captures the situation well. Wei Ying is simply Wei Ying and that is more than enough. And it's an essential part of Wwx's character.