#i get that the impulse is to feel like you're under attack

[vimes-boots]

Not gonna reblog the original because I'm not about to spread transphobic takes around. But here's a reminder to all young trans men who want to take T some day that being on testosterone does not make you violent. It does not change your personality. It does not make you unstable and dangerous. You don't need to go on psych meds in conjunction with T just because you're on T. I can't believe we're still saying this. Unfortunately this take came from a trans woman. Throwing your trans siblings under the bus will not get you more support from conservatives, trust me.

I'm back on T after a long break. I feel more emotionally stable than before. I am having less frequent PTSD and anxiety attacks. I am able to calm down easier. Before T, I'd be having anxiety attacks that lasted so long I needed to take medication for them. Now, I'm actually able to self soothe. No idea if it's because of the hormone difference or because knowing I'm back in HRT is just lowering my stress levels, but it's what's happening.

What it does do is make you feel a bit like a teenaged cis boy going through puberty. I'm sleepy, hungry, and horny. Im sweating more and my sweat and piss stink more for some damn reason. The last time I was on T, I was feeling some twinges of irritation at times, but nothing close to violent impulses, and that hasn't even come back this time around. It has never made me forget how people perceived as female are treated. It doesn't make me snap at people, and it ABSOLUTELY did not and does not make me feel sexually violent.

Don't let people scare you. You will still be you on T. You will be able to relax and unclench and stop hiding. You will be able to breathe and feel comfortable in who you are.

[wyvernest]

hammock by the sea

pairing - miguel o'hara x wife!f!reader

warnings - fluff, established relationship, suggestive

summary - you and miguel enjoy a sunny july afternoon on your honeymoon in a hammock

translations: lo sé - i know / así me gusta - that's how i like it

part 2! part3!

The air is hot, but fresh with a salty sea breeze. The waves roll rhythmically against the white shores, echoing through the gardens of the resort you're spending your honeymoon at.

Everything is so quiet, so serene, and incontestably intimate.

The hammock hangs low between two palms, heavy with your weight added on top of his. Miguel sits cosily in the linen cocoon, arms hanging out on each side. You're seated on his lap, straddling him. Sunlight grazes his features in interrupted stripes, filtered through the sharp palm leaves. 

His eyes are closed, eyebrows relaxed. Your gaze lingers over his sculpted face, the shape of his eyes, his cheekbones, the line of his nose and his soft lips; then up to his dark hair, sun-kissed dark silk. 

You're startled when you feel his hand take ahold of your wrist gently, pulling you with a little force into his embrace. Eyes still closed, he's silently asking you to lay back on top of him, to let him capture you back into his arms. 

You remain straight for the single purpose of looking at him for a little longer. It's not often that you see him so relaxed, so defenceless and vulnerable. Your attention follows his jaw, adorned with the remnants of what used to be a stubble; then the line of his neck, and you hold back a primal impulse to bend down and start kissing it, just to hear him giggle lowly before groaning in need.

Your hands follow your vision, flowing down his broad shoulders, and over his strong pecs, reaching the firm muscles of his torso. You feel him tense up, flexing his abdomen under your touch and puffing out a giggled breath. 

"You don't have to do that to impress me, you know." you keep your hands on his abdomen, struggling to mask the loving and lustful awe in your eyes. 

"Lo sé. I just love to see you all red in the face." He smirks at you, pearl-white fangs peeking from the smile, opening his eyes enough just to witness the sight before him. You hadn't realised you were getting so flustered. Maybe it's the heat outside.

Or maybe it's just him, looking like a greek sculpture, completely enamoured by you and at your disposal. All sleepy, messy hair and smile teasing. 

You cave in, laying yourself on top of him, head on his chest, hiding the blush in your cheeks. His arms encompass your body, holding you against him. You feel one of his legs drop out of the hammock, slowly swaying you both into a lulling cradle. 

You snuggle into him, pressing your face closer to hear his heartbeat. With a deep sigh, you melt into him. He brings a hand to your hair, laying soft caresses over the expanse of your back.

But you don't want to fall asleep just yet. There's only so many things you could do. Getting up, you come face to face with him, starting to kiss him all over his face. He smiles, eyes still closed. You kiss him on his forehead, on his temples, all over his cheeks, and when you get close enough to the corner of his mouth, he catches you and deepens the kiss. His lips are soft and tender against yours, tongues dancing in tandem as you make out under the July sun.

His hands arrive at your sides, grasping at your waist before starting to tickle violently. You break away from the kiss, erupting in uncontrolled laughter. He doesn't stop. He keeps tickling until you're backing up on the opposite end of the hammock, seeking shelter from the attack.

He takes the chance and gets up from his place, repositioning himself so that he's laying on you, face up. The hammock swings abruptly from side to side and you nearly fall out of it. You scream and laugh but he doesn't stop until he's seated comfortably, head on your chest.

"There we go." He sighs, placing a quick peck on your breast, making you even more flustered, before once again shutting his eyes.

"You could've told me you wanted to switch." 

"Wouldn't have been as fun."

You tangle your fingers in his hair, massaging lightly.

"Ah, así me gusta" he moans and relaxes further into your embrace. 

"You're so handsome." you mumble to yourself, gazing at him with all the love you could bestow upon someone.

He opens his eyes instantly, staring at you like you just told him the craziest thing he could've heard.

"Mi vida", he pauses, weighing his words for half a second, "coming from an angel like you, it means a lot."

You smile, knowing he means it. He's not the type to throw in compliments and sweet talk just for the sake of it, and you love him for that.

Your attention is suddenly intercepted by the sight of the fruit bowl you brought with you, next to the hammock. You pick it up and start with a strawberry. He looks up at you, eyes pleading silently. Raising your eyebrows smugly, you feed him a tangerine slice. 

You analyse the picture before you, wishing you could freeze it in time. Miguel, comfortably seated on top of you, head on your soft chest, looking up at you like he's nothing less than a god and you're his paradisiacal muse, feeding him fruits. 

However, the air suddenly shifts as your eyes river down his frame, and over to the hardening outline of his bulge, curved against his shorts. Your gaze returns to his, recognizing the familiar want beneath the relaxed façade.

"Let's take care of that, love", you suggest, pointing in the direction of your room with your eyes.

He doesn't waste a second before he stands up and scoops you from the hammock, hoisting you over his shoulder and giving your exposed ass a playful smack.

a/n - i'll make a part 2 if anyone is interested:)

EDIT: part 2

[ridleymocki]

(seeing so many bad faith interpretations of the argument, y'all are really going to make me do this, okay HERE WE GO)

.................................

What Ed says: "I think last night was a mistake. I'm not ready for... Whatever this is."

What Ed means: "I didn't want last night to happen so soon or under those circumstances. Things are changing rapidly, which makes me feel out of control and scared."

What Stede hears: "I regret sleeping with you. I don't want the sort of relationship that you're after."

.................................

What Stede says: "It was a fine fish. It was... whatever. I was just trying to make you feel good!"

What Stede means: "I only cared about the fish because you cared about it, and I care about you. I liked the fish because it made you happy. Ordinarily, I'm ambivalent about fish."

What Ed hears: "I lied to you. I didn't care about your achievement I was just placating you to get what I wanted."

.................................

What Ed says: "Here's the news: I'm leaving. I got a job on a little fishing boat and I'm leaving. I'm a fisherman now."

What Ed means: "I think I need to be away from you to figure out who I am, because I haven't been able to do that while we're together, and your lifestyle now is the life I'm trying to leave behind."

What Stede hears: "I've made a decision to leave you and have a life without you. I don't value what we have enough to work with you to find a solution, I'd prefer to end it."

.................................

What Stede says: "Oh, Ed. Seriously? You're not a fisherman."

What Stede means: "I think you're using this plan to escape and avoid your problems. It sounds like you're pretending to be someone else. It seems to me like an impulsive decision and I am concerned."

What Ed hears: "I don't support this ambition. I think you're incapable. I don't think you can be different from what you have always been."

.................................

This is the kind of analysis done in therapeutic environments. When I put what they mean, it's not just a rephrasing but a boiling down to the core issue. I could go on to the rest of the dialogue but do you see the continuing ship-in-the-night miscommunication?? It's tripartite:

failing to express one's current emotional reality with the most accurate and clear language, often because that reality is not fully understood to oneself,

misinterpreting the other's language, due to preexisting sensitivities and defensiveness about one's own understanding of the situation,

increasing frustration and sense of personal attack that results from those misinterpretations, which perpetuates and worsens the poor communication.

Importantly, this kind of pattern means you miss the best and most important kernels of communication in an exchange because you're reacting to the more inflammatory parts.

Stede: "This can be whatever we want it to be." (I am willing to make changes to our arrangement so that you're happy). Ed: "I don't even know who I am! Alright? I know I don't want to be a pirate. And you, you're blowing up, you're the toast of the town." (I think we want different things. You're just starting a journey that I've already finished).

With those two bits alone they could've sorted this out. The first is the answer to the second. But they didn't -- couldn't -- latch onto it because all their other baggage was getting in the way.

And I'm being proven correct that this is what is happening, because I have seen next to nothing on here about the above two lines, only reactionary takes of fans also focusing on the inflammatory parts because of their predispositions. You're doing an encore performance of what they're doing.

Point being, there are no bad guys in this scene, just repeated system failure!

[bonefall]

the worst parent poll made me realize just how many ppl in the fandom are willing to jump straight into abuse apologia. bc on one hand you have ppl dumbing down crow's abuse to "him just being mean" and on the other end you have ppl saying that curlfeather didnt abuse frostpaw because she sacrificed herself and frost + her siblings love her so she couldnt possibly be an abuser. truly mindboggling stuff take these serious topics away from the fandom asap.

Part of me feels like it's because many in this fandom have a feeling that if a character's actions are abusive, it means you're "not allowed" to like them. Like there's an impulse where if you liked a character, it MUST mean they weren't THAT bad, because you'd personally never like "an abuser."

As if it reflects poorly on your own morality, as a person, that you connected with An Abuser. Understood them, even. Even if it was just a character.

If it's immoral to Like Abusive Characters, of course your reaction is going to end up being abuse apologia. To enjoy something isn't logical, it's emotional, so you will get defensive about it when questioned. When you do, it's not going to be based on logic because you didn't reason yourself into that position in the first place. It's an attack on you as a person.

I feel like that's often the root of abuse apologia in this fandom, and sometimes the world at large; "If I admit that this character/person IS abusive, it means I was doing something bad by liking them, so I have to prove to everyone else that they weren't or it means I'm bad too."

And to that I say... That's a BAD impulse! Grow up and admit you resonated with a character that did a bad thing! If that's an uncomfortable thought, sit with it!

Sometimes abusers are likeable! They usually DO think they're justified in their actions, or doing it for "a good reason," or were just too preoccupied to care. MOST of the time, people who commit abusive actions are also hurt or traumatized in some way. You might even empathize with them. None of this means their actions have to be excused or downplayed.

"Abusers" aren't a type of goddamn yokai, they're people just like you and me. You don't help victims of abuse by putting the people who hurt us in an "untouchable" category.

In fact, all it does is make you less likely to recognize your own controlling behavior. You're capable of abuse. People you love are capable of it, too. People who love YOU can still hurt you.

In spite of how often people regurgitate "It's Ok To Like A Character As Long As You're Critical Of Their Actions," every day it is proven to me further and further that no one who says it actually understands what that means.

All that said; I think it's no contest which one's a worse parent, imo.

They both mistreated their children, but Curlfeather did it through manipulation without verbal or physical abuse. She politically groomed her into a position of power so that she could use her as a pawn. It can be argued if this counts as child abuse-- but it's firmly still under the broad category childhood maltreatment, which is damaging.

(though anon I'm with you 100% at seeing RED when "but she sacrificed herself" is used as an excuse. Curlfeather's death does NOT CHANGE what she did to Frostpaw in life. I think it's a valid point to bring up when comparing her to another terrible parent for judgement purposes, such as in the context of this poll, but I really hate the implication that redemption deaths "make up" for maltreatment.)

Crowfeather, meanwhile, is textually responsible for putting Breezepaw through verbal AND physical abuse, as well as child neglect. His motivations include embarrassment from a hurt ego, revenge on his ex, and being sad because of a dead girlfriend. This abuse drives Breezepelt towards radicalization in the Dark Forest.

You could argue Curlfeather is a worse person for Reedwhisker's murder, but as a parent? It's not even a question to me. Crowfeather's one of the worst dads in WC.

[kiame-sama]

Aquarium- (Yandere!Merman!Chrollo x Reader) pt 2

Warnings; part 2, continuation of story, kidnapping, theft, yandere, mer-creature yandere, obsessive behavior, possessive behavior, involuntary physical change, mention of past noncon, some nsfw themes and moments, breeding kink, oviposition and mention of past oviposition, lactation kink,

~~~~~~~~

You slowly awoke, feeling oddly weightless and almost like the air around you was heavy. It took a moment for you to wake up further before you realized a handful of things simultaneously. The first was that you were suspended in water, the second was that you could still breathe, and finally you realized that there were two new attachments to either side of your ribs.

Impulsively, you reached up to grab at the odd things only to see they were actually sewn into your soft skin. It was more than a bit disorienting to see the new attachments and to see the extremely swollen state of your soft stomach.

As you scratched and tried to pull at the surprisingly tender attachments, the sound of clattering rocks made you stop your wild attempts and turn to look at the source of the sound. Though the light was limited minus what seemed to be some sunlight filtering down from a few cracks in the top of the stone cavern you were in, you could see an oddly familiar man. He was at the mouth of the cavern- which seemed to be the only entrance or exit- and spoke once he saw he had your attention.

"Darling, you can't take them off. I have ensured they will remain affixed to you for the remainder of your life. Even if you did damage them somehow, I would not allow you to drown."

You scoffed angrily. Despite the fact you were clearly in some kind of liquid, you knew humans couldn't breathe beneath the water. Clearly you were under the influence of something to make you think you were in water.

"Drown? What the hell? Where am I? The fuck are these things? Why the hell do I look pregnant-?"

The raven haired man pressed a finger to your lips to silence your questions and you vaguely felt the desire to bite the finger he held against your soft flesh. You fought against the impulse as you glared at the man who seemed more amused with your anger than anything. It was the octopus-man from the aquarium- Chrollo- and quickly your memories began to return to you.

You remembered being in the aquarium late at night and you remembered the man attacking you. Beyond that, you vaguely remembered the way he forced himself onto you and made you comply with his demands. It was difficult to remember much else beyond that and you felt anger bubble up in you.

"You can drown if you remove your new gills. The... Original owner... Won't be needing them anymore. You are in one of my dens. Well, in one of the back caverns of my den, to be exact. I will be keeping you here until you adjust to your new aquatic life. As for why you appear pregnant," he paused and two of his tentacles came up to caress your stomach, the other tentacles preventing you from stopping his gentle exploration, "it is because you are pregnant. You are full of my brood and I have no intention of allowing you to get away from me. You're stuck with me."

~~~~~~~~

Chrollo kissed your shoulders gently as he held you in a warm embrace, his tentacles and arms wrapped around you to keep you close. Each slow drag of his lips across your skin made you shiver slightly, your heart fluttering in your chest like the fragile wings of a butterfly. Thousands of questions rolled around in your mind, but the one that bothered you the most kept coming up.

"Why did you bring me here?"

Chrollo didn't stop the lazy way he traced his fingers and tentacles over your back, letting out a hum of contemplation. He didn't answer for a moment as his hand came to a brief pause when it reached your very swollen stomach, fingertips dancing over the delicate skin. You disliked the way he smiled and seemed to marvel at your swollen insides as if he were beyond pleased with the way you were stuffed full.

"I brought you here for the sole purpose of filling you with my eggs. My brood already grows within you and your body has adapted excellently to carrying them."

You felt dread wash over you, unable to tell if you were crying or not beneath the water. Honestly, you didn't know if you could cry anymore. Chrollo seemed to sense your sorrow all the same and nuzzled your neck, his attempt at soothing you only upsetting you further.

"Why..? Why me?"

"I have explained this to you already, Darling. You are unique and different from that which I expect from others. That and your ever intoxicating scent appeals to me in a way others do not."

The silence was heavy and seemed even heavier under the water, faint sunlight filtering into the underwater den Chrollo kept you in. Even if you tried to escape, you had no idea if you could go back to being on land for very long given the odd gills that you woke up with. They certainly seemed like a permanent attachment, meaning that he was likely to do this to you multiple times, not content with just one clutch of eggs growing within you.

"So, you... You put your eggs in me?"

"Yes, and I intend to do it countless more times after this."

"But I don't want to carry your eggs for you!"

"I don't remember ever asking what you want."

The harsh words made you recoil as best you could in his grasp, the octopus man almost seeming amused with your distressed attempts to get away from him. You barely put any space between the two of you as there seemed to be no true escape from the tentacles that held you. One adjusted its grasp and lightly dragged over your aching chest, making you unconsciously whimper and flinch in response.

"Sore breasts?"

"How- how do you..?"

"I can tell your body is preparing for our brood. It is ensuring there is enough of your warm and flavorful milk for our brood to feast on. You've been producing milk these past few days."

It was surprising to hear this as you hadn't even realized that you were lactating, let alone having been doing it for days now. You were still trying to adjust to life under the water, though your eyes were adjusted long before you opened them to your new surroundings, your mind was struggling to catch up. Of course he would know more about your body at this moment than you would, it seemed to just be another one of his unfair advantages.

"I don't know or care how you know what my... my milk tastes like, but-"

"You truly believe I wouldn't help myself while you rest?"

"I didn't want to know! Either way," you crossed your arms in an attempt to cover your chest, "I'm sure as hell not letting you have anymore-"

"It has never once been about what you want, but what I can make you do. Right now, I have a duty to take care of my mate, and your breasts are obviously sore, so let me relieve some of that pressure."

Despite the way you tried to struggle against him, Chrollo easily used his tentacles to pin your arms to your side. The vague covering he gave you to cover yourself almost instantly came untied and gave him access to your tender breasts. He didn't immediately latch his lips around your soft peak, instead he took a moment to cruelly pinch the sensitive peaks with an almost sadistic grin.

"I may not let our brood feast on your rich milk... It may have to be something for me exclusively..." He flicked your sore nipples and chuckled when you let out a squeal of discomfort, "How precious... Are they that sore, dear one? Let me help drain some of that milk that's causing your discomfort."

Before you could argue with him, he latched his mouth on your perked breast, intensely suckling as he let out soft moaning noises. You whined loudly as he gently kneaded your breast to get as much milk as possible, switching to your other breast to take an equal drink. Each intense suck made you flinch as you whimpered in response to the sensation, struggling against the tentacles until you could rest your hands on his shoulders to try and push him away.

He kept his mouth around your sensitive nipple and continued suckling, occasionally biting when you tried to remove him. It got to the point that the only thing you could do was let him do as he wished, finding the bites more painful than expected. Eventually he released your soft breast with a pop of his lips, finally giving you a rest.

"The sweetest cream..."

Chrollo seemed more than pleased with the way you had stopped struggling, a sly grin taking over his lips. He already knew you weren't going to be able to get away from him, especially since you were carrying his eggs inside of you. Besides, waiting outside of the den in the larger hollowed out volcano was the rest of the troupe.

They often shoaled together even if they would occasionally part for various reasons or purposes. This was one of the few times the entire troupe gathered together and had no immediate concerns. Chrollo knew that some of the troupe members were only present because they were curious about his new human mate.

The only other troupe member who has seen his mate was Machi and it was to check up on how your gills were healing. All of the other members were curious as Chrollo had never really had interest in others, let alone a human. Humans were food to them or interesting experiments to steal from, yet their leader- whom they all respected and adored- had taken a human as a mate.

There was little chance you would manage to get away from him with any efficiency before you were caught and returned to him.

He gently kissed your throat and two tentacles came up and caressed your swollen stomach.

"You know, I have plenty more eggs to stuff inside of you. I could keep you constantly stuffed full of my brood. Each clutch making your soft stomach bulge out..."

The slow way he stroked his hand across your skin sent chills down your body as you lay in his embrace.

"For now, as you are already stuffed to full capacity with my brood, I feel you should meet a certain group of my colleagues."

You wanted to argue against the idea of meeting any other sea creatures, seeing as your first interaction with him went so sideways. Chrollo seemed to be able to tell that you wanted to argue, his enigmatic smile never leaving his face.

"It wasn't a suggestion, Dearest."

~~~~~~~~

You slowly woke to the vague sensation of a light suction on your swollen nipples, whining as you came to consciousness. The feeling of tentacles wrapped around your engorged breasts and kneading them made you look down your front. Familiar ink black hair slowly waved with the water and his motions as Chrollo contently suckled on your warm breasts, happily feeding on your nutrient rich milk.

"Do you really have to do that whenever I sleep?"

Your complaint made Chrollo look up from where he was suctioned to your aching chest. He gently released your breast and licked his lips, seeming more than pleased with himself.

"I'm an opportunist feeder, Darling, I will take almost any meal available to me, even human."

"Then... Why didn't you eat me?"

"You don't smell like food to me, you have the scent of a mate."

You felt surprise run through you, wondering just what he meant by that. He just admitted that he would eat humans, but apparently your scent was not the same as other humans, enough so that he decided to mate you instead. Part of you wondered which you would have preferred if given the choice between the two.

Chrollo took advantage of your apparent mental absence to lightly squeeze his tentacles around you, holding you close to his chest and nuzzling your neck.

"Do you know what the best part about mating you was for me?"

You refused to entertain him with an answer, knowing he was going to tell you regardless of what you said.

"Stuffing you full of my eggs and seeing your warm stomach expand with each one, feeling them push into your womb. Every single one pumped into you, giving me endless pleasure and filling you up just right."

Chrollo let out a soft sound that was akin to a low hum, the noise sending shivers down your spine. The way he spoke was low and husky against your ear and clearly he took great pleasure from making you uncomfortable with his sultry purr. As you whined softly, he gently ran his fingers over your distended stomach as if worshipping your body.

"I can hardly wait to fill you up with the next brood, just watching your stomach stay nice and swollen for me."

Some part of you realized that Chrollo didn't care if you responded to him or if you were even listening. Clearly he was pleased with reminding himself that he had you trapped and planned to stuff you full of even more eggs. He kissed your forehead and cuddled close, his arms wrapped around your body.

"Go back to resting, Darling."

"Why, so you can feed on my milk again?"

"Yes. Now rest. I want you to meet my shoal soon."

[chaethewriter]

Jack Champion x acubi gf!reader scenarios

Underdressed bf and overdressed gf

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy

A/N: for all my acubi girls <3 felt like doing this impulsively so it isn't well thought out oops.

◇ when you had announced your relationship, no one expected it. I mean, not to be mean, but you and Jack looked TOTALLY different.

◇ first of all, you weren't in the spotlight the way Jack was. You were a photographer and Jack was an actor.

◇ this is also how the two of you had met. You were at an event taking pictures when Jack had knocked you over because he didn't see you.

◇ typical Jack.

◇ he had apologized multiple times, feeling terrible as his muscled chest collided with your face.

◇ you thought he was incredibly cute, though, with his fluffy hair and short sleeved shirt that defined his muscles.

◇ being incredibly bold, you didn't miss to try and take your chance.

◇ it made him incredibly flustered how quick he folded.

◇ was incredibly surprised when the two of you met up after the event— your clothes of that day were assigned to you, so seeing you in this different style had him surprised, in a good way.

◇ your outfit obviously flustered him. He wore one of the most comfortable clothes in his closet: his pink champion hoodie and a pair of black jeans. Meanwhile, you wore a short skirt with a huge belt, a crop top, and a knitted shrug. Your black boots were half covered with your leg warmers as you topped your outfit off with a lot of jewelry.

◇ to say he was starstrucked by you was an understatement. Man was down bad.

◇ he messaged you whenever he could. Sending you silly images to go with in return for your pretty little selfies.

Jack attack: Jamie is laughing at me :(

Jack attack: we were walking down the street and Trinity called me from behind

Jack attack: so I turned to look at her then I ran into a lamppost

Jack attack: ☹️

Jack attack: anyway OOTD?

◇ he asked you out like a true gentleman: flowers and a teddy bear from build-a-bear that reminded you so much of him.

◇ almost got a nosebleed on your first date because of your revealing outfit.

◇ gave you his coat when you were cold (your mindset is always style above comfort, he needs to think about your comfort for you)

◇ your body basically drowned in the material as he is 6'1.

◇ accidentally asked you if he could be your boyfriend on your first date— he didn't mean to, as he wanted to take it slow with you.

◇ you just looked so pretty in front of him.

◇ honestly shat his pants, thinking he lost his chance.

◇ was over the moon when you had accepted him as your significant other.

◇ honestly your personal photographer.

◇ he is better at it then expected.

◇ stands like a grandpa while taking your pictures though.

"Babe, why are you standing with your ass out like that?"

◇ you tag him in all the pictures he took for your insta posts.

jackchampion these are the prettiest pictures ever taken. Who took them?

◇ always asks you if you're comfortable in your outfit— to him, it looked so uncomfortable.

◇ he honestly doesn't care what you wear: it's your body and he is happy to know you feel secure in your style.

◇ can't help but constantly worry about you: if you're warm, if your feet are okay, if you're uncomfortable under anyone's stares.

◇ people look up in confusion when the two of you walk through the streets.

"No way they're dating."

◇ you throw them nasty faces when you hear them talk behind your back.

◇ Jack scolded this group of boys once for shaming you and laughing at you.

◇ he always wears a shirt under his hoodie when you go out, in case you get cold and need his hoodie to wear.

◇ always goes shopping with you.

◇ he loves your happy expression as you run from section to section looking for cute cropped shirts and short skirts.

◇ you always ask him for his opinion— knowing he will say that he likes whatever you wear.

◇ terrible clothing advice giver, but he's trying for you!

"Do you think this brown crop top compliments this skirt?"

"Babe you look good in it I swear I have no idea what you else I should say-"

◇ he pays for you. He begs you to let him pay.

◇ "my pretty girl deserves to get dolled up for free. Just look pretty for me alright?"

◇ fun fact he had to walk through the streets on his socks once, because you were wearing his shoes.

◇ your feet were killing you, luckily you have a caring boyfriend.

◇ he loves to just sit in your bedroom and watch you play doll as you try out different clothing combinations.

◇ you had begged him to match outfits with you.

◇ the two of you want to your favorite clothing store, one he wouldn't step foot in on his own.

◇ you practically dragged him around as you assembled on outfit for him.

◇ got out of the changing room in an awkward stance.

"Are the pants supposed to fit like this?"

"Why are they about to rub the ground?"

"This feels so weird."

◇ you thought he looked pretty in the acubi style though.

◇ even though it's not his usual style, he bought the outfit for whenever you wanted to match.

◇ even though he walks around in silly orange tank tops, he's still your silly boyfriend whom you love so much.

liked by jackchampion and 30k others.

silly(y/n)_ pain is temporary, drip is forever?! —photographer: @ jackchampion

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jackchampion the photographer totally slayed🥰 you too pretty girl

-> silly(y/n) jack please

[charmandabear]

Office Hours - Chapter Twelve

Summary:

You finally work up the nerve to ask Astarion about his past.

Pairing: Astarion/f!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 7.6k

Tags/Warnings: discussions of traumatic pasts, not just Astarion's, but Tav's as well, specifically partner abuse; depiction of a panic attack; mentions of (canon-typical) violence; spoilers for Heathers the Musical; somewhat feral kissing that honestly at this point shouldn't surprise anyone with these two

This chapter should be fine to read if you're not familiar with the plot of Heathers (movie or musical) but in case you want to read a quick summary, you can get that here.

I have officially retconned chapter 9 that Karlach got the home brewed beer from Lakrissa, not Aradin.

I can't believe I got the chapter out on both AO3 and Tumblr on the same day! It's been a few chapters since this has happened lol. As per usual, the screenshots are from @zipzoomzaria, although with me recently downloading the free cam mod I cannot take ENOUGH screenshots. I'll be uploading those soon.

Read it on AO3 ~ Masterlist

Astarion’s chest feels cool beneath your cheek as you slowly blink yourself awake. You listen to the sound of his breathing for a few moments – not a necessary impulse for him, just one he never unlearned. You eventually turn your head upward to see him looking at his phone. He notices you stir and a smile spreads across his face as he puts his phone down.

“Good morning,” he lilts, rubbing your shoulder gently with his thumb. You strain your neck up towards him, wordlessly asking for a kiss. He leans down and obliges, his chilled lips working against your warm ones, still sticky from sleep. You adjust your arms so you can wrap your hands around his neck and run your fingers through his curls. He presses his palm against your lower back, pulling your chest flush with his. His movements are unrushed, languid and sensual, and you’re just enjoying the soft feeling of his skin against yours. 

“Morning,” you hum sleepily, slow blinking like a contented cat. He props himself up on an elbow and as his visage comes into focus, you realize just how put-together he looks. He’s already wearing his glasses and his hair looks as carefully coiffed as usual. You frown. “How long have you been awake?”

“How do you want me to answer that?” He quirks an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly like I sleep.”

Right. Elves trance instead of sleep. You probably could have paid more attention in your humanoid biology class in high school.

“So what do you do all night while I sleep?”

“Read, mostly,” Astarion says with a shrug. “Sometimes I grade. Just killing time, really.”

“Don’t you ever get, like, bored?” You narrow your eyes at him.

“Sometimes. More often than not I simply enjoy being near you.” His candor makes you flush, so you deflect with a teasing laugh.

“Ew, you like being near me? Gross.” You grin as you pull him back down to you, your hands curling around his neck and you kiss him, soft and slow. He slides his hand under your knee and pulls your calf around his waist. Your usual insatiable lust for him is tempered, and you just want to bask in his coolness like you have all the time in the world. He pulls away, brushing your hair behind your ear, and looks at you over his glasses with those blood red eyes of his.

“What would you like, love?” he murmurs, and you yawn reflexively.

“Coffee, before anything else,” you reply, rubbing sleep out of your eyes. You roll out of bed and adjust your bra and shorts that got twisted overnight. You pad into the kitchen with Astarion close behind you, and he perches himself on a barstool while you pull out the instant coffee and set the kettle to boil.

“Darling, no, instant coffee?” he sneers as you scoop it into your mug.

“Don’t be elitist, it doesn’t make sense for me to make a full pot every morning when it’s just for me, and Keurigs create a hellish amount of plastic waste.” You turn up your nose at him, and he stands to take the mug out of your hands.

“This is not elitism, this is self-preservation.” He dumps the granules into the sink, earning a quick “Hey!” from you. “I’d rather like to be able to kiss you without the taste of rotten dirt in your mouth.” He picks up his phone from the counter and pulls up DoorDash. 

“My breath doesn’t get that bad,” you mumble and cross your arms obstinately.

“Perhaps not to a mortal, but trust me when I say this will be better for both of us.” You glance over his shoulder and watch as he loads up the cart with expensive artisan coffee beans, a French press, and a stainless steel coffee grinder.

“Astarion, I can’t afford all that,” you press, trying to take his phone out of his hands.

“Then consider it a gift,” he lobs back at you, holding his phone above your head so you can’t reach it. You plant yourself on a barstool and sulk for a moment before actually processing what he said.

“Wait, so you can tell when I’ve eaten or drunk something made with low quality ingredients?” Your brain spins the rolodex of all of the times you kissed him after having some trashy food.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he says with a regretful frown.

“And the night at the bowling alley when I was drinking that terrible beer?”

“Not particularly pleasant. But worth putting up with, because, well,” he clears his throat and flashes a coy smile, “it had been a while.” Your ears flush and he saunters over to you, planting a kiss just below your earlobe. Your hands rest on the waistband of his boxer briefs.

“But… coffee,” you pout, and he takes your hands and pulls you over to the couch.

“If you’re patient, my dear, it’ll be worth the wait,” he coos, sitting you down and pulling your legs onto his lap. “And speaking of waiting.” He brings your hand to his lips, running his nose along the blue-green veins in your inner wrist. “Do you mind terribly if I have my breakfast while you’re waiting for yours?”

Your breath catches in your throat as he gently grazes the point of one fang across the sensitive skin. “You’ve never fed from my wrist before,” you breathe, almost as though speaking too loudly might spook him.

“Does that make you reconsider?” His eyes flick up towards yours but his lips remain on your wrist, ghosting over the flesh. You shake your head, transfixed by his subtle movements. His lips stretch into a smile before he sinks his fangs into you, the sharp pain sending a twin bolt to your heart and your core before melting away into that sublime numbness. You’ve never watched him feed before, and you’re almost taken aback by how beautiful he looks. His lips pressed to your wrist, his hair falling into his eyes, his back expanding and contracting as his breath quickens. He must sense your gaze because he looks up, his red eyes sparkling. Your heart rate spikes, and it only takes a few seconds for him to smile against your wrist, reacting to whatever your sudden arousal changed in your bloodstream. 

It feels too soon when he pulls away, despite the oncoming lightheadedness suggesting otherwise. Unlike his usual animalistic expression he wears after drinking your blood, he has a sated, almost goofy look to him. You giggle and swipe the red droplet from his bottom lip and suck it off your thumb. 

His sleepy gaze moves to you, but when he sees you licking your blood off your finger, his features sharpen into the more predatory look you’re used to. He shifts your legs so that he’s towering over you, and you have no choice but to sink down into the couch on your back. He presses a knee between your legs and you bite your lip to stifle a moan. He descends onto your lips and you taste the blood that still coats his. You arch your back into him and he slides his hand beneath you, pulling your center closer. He slides his knee upwards, pushing your thigh with it, and rolls his hips into your now spread cunt. You groan into his lips, hands scrambling for purchase on his bare shoulders. His fingers hook into the waistband of your shorts and you’re about to wriggle out of them when there’s a knock at the door.

You both freeze, then suddenly you remember. “My coffee!” you squeal excitedly, pushing Astarion off of you. “They probably just left it right outside the door, babe, can you grab it while I reheat the water?” You clamber over the back of the couch and over to the kitchen while Astarion shakes his head at your antics. 

He pulls the front door to your apartment wide open and a startled half-gnome stands there holding a paper bag full of coffee supplies. Their eyes travel down Astarion’s half-naked form, lingering momentarily on the growing bulge in his boxer briefs. They flush a violent purple before muttering a quick, “Sorry,” and shoving the paper bag in his hands. They practically sprint down the hall as Astarion calls, “Have a lovely day!” with an impish wave.

“Astarion, you scared the poor thing half to death,” you scold as he closes the door, and he responds with a nonchalant shrug.

“Probably more exciting than anything else they’ll see today, I did them a favor.” He brings the coffee supplies over to the counter and hooks his thumbs into your shorts. “Now, where were we?” He presses into your back and kisses the crook of your neck. 

“Can I at least have my coffee before an orgasm?” you groan breathlessly, and Astarion chuckles.

“Who said that’s my intention?” he hums into your ear, causing you to shiver.

“Historical evidence,” you throw over your shoulder at him as you shimmy out of his grip. You pull out the various implements and stare at them blankly. You shift your gaze to Astarion and frown. “You bought all this stuff, show me how to use it.”

“Fine. Sit.” Astarion pushes you onto the barstool and begins to open the boxes with the French press and the coffee grinder. You watch him while he stands over the counter, and your eyes trace over the elaborate scarring across his back. You suddenly realize you’ve never been able to get this good of a look at it, he’s usually so carefully guarded. You’ve been afraid to bring it up again since that first night he told you about it. 

You chew on your lip while he assembles your coffee, anxiously weighing the pros and cons of asking him about it. You want to ask him more about his past, but you can’t even fathom what it’s like for him to have lived more than three times your entire lifespan and still have an eternity to go. 

He hands you the mug and looks at you expectantly. You snap out of your mini reverie and look down at the coffee in your hand, a few shades darker than you’re used to.

“Thank you, although I usually put in a little more milk than that,” you admit sheepishly. 

“With that offal you had been drinking, I don’t doubt it. Try it first, I’ll put in more if you want.” He puts his hands on his hips as you eye him suspiciously. You take a tentative sip, bracing yourself for the acrid bitter taste, but are met instead with something smooth and rich. Still bitter, but tempered by a creaminess that has nothing to do with the milk. You look up at him with a pleasantly surprised look on your face.

“Okay, I hate to say it, but you were right,” you groan reluctantly. He smirks and tilts your chin up to give you a tender kiss.

“Still as sweet as ever,” he purrs, and a light flush rises to your cheeks. Then your mind wanders back to your earlier train of thought, and your brow furrows. 

“Um, Astarion, can I ask you something?” Your voice is a little dryer than you’d like it to be. His eyebrows shoot up over his glasses, and he nods. You take his hand and lead him over to the couch, curling your knees into your chest and holding your coffee mug in both hands. “Can you tell me more about… about your scars?”

Astarion exhales a breath of relief. Whatever he thought you were going to ask, it wasn’t that.

“Er, yes, well… How much do you know about vampires?” He looks at you carefully and you blink in surprise. Very little, and you’re surprised it didn’t occur to you to look up more.

“Besides the basics, I guess, no sunlight, mirrors, garlic,” you rattle them off in your head. He giggles when you say ‘garlic.’

“The garlic is a myth, but you’ve got the basics, yes. Haven’t you ever wondered why I’m able to bite you without consequences? Well, besides the dizziness, I suppose,” he adds with a sly grin.

“I guess not, no,” you frown, wishing that he would just tell you instead of this weird quiz.

“I am not technically a full vampire – I’m a vampire spawn. I was turned while on the brink of death by a vampire named Cazador Szarr,” he spits the name like it’ll poison him if it lingers too long in his mouth. “I was his slave for two hundred years, compelled to do anything and everything he commanded. Most of the time it meant luring victims back for him to feed.” Astarion’s eyes glaze over, and you slide out your foot to gently touch his knee. You’re at a loss on how you can possibly comfort him for something this traumatic, so you let him continue in his own time.

“And once, it meant lying still while he carved this into my back over the course of a night. He claimed it was a poem. He made a lot of revisions as he went.” He scowls at the memory. “I only found out that it was something written in Infernal after his death.”

“How did you escape?” Your voice is small, hardly able to comprehend what he’s telling you.

“Oh, that’s actually quite a fun story.” He lights up suddenly. “His six other spawn and I rose up to overtake him. It took years of planning, and we were under the constant threat of being caught. But we were successful, and we tore him to pieces.” His eyes sparkle with a bloodlust that you haven’t seen before and your heart pounds in your ears. You had said that you want to see the more predatory side of him, and you’re getting your wish. His face softens and his gaze refocuses on you. “That was about 100 years ago,” he concludes with a wry smile. He puts his hand on your foot next to his leg and pulls it into his lap, and you curl your toes against his hand.

“Well,” you exhale, still processing his entire story. “That certainly puts the trauma from my shitty ex into perspective,” you say with a pained smile, trying to make light of it.

“Suffering is relative, the enormity of mine doesn’t reduce yours.” He tilts his head as he looks at you, a silent question. He’s leaving it open for you to tell your story, but refrains from pressing. 

“Well, it almost seems mundane in comparison,” you start with a heavy sigh, and he squeezes your foot lightly to encourage you to continue. “I’ve only had one even remotely serious relationship, and he was a piece of shit. Well,” you reconsider as you think of what those early days with him were like. “At first he just seemed like one of those ‘lovable asshole’ kind of guys, plus he had a Yorkshire accent, so clearly I have a type,” you say with a feeble laugh.

“No, a northerner? Darling, want better for yourself,” Astarion grimaces, and you glare at him.

“Like I said, I have a type,” you sneer. “But after a while, it became clear that he didn’t particularly respect me, I think partially because I was studying theatre and he was in STEM. He constantly talked down to me, he hated it any time I disagreed with him, and he would go out of his way to piss me off because he thought it was funny.”

You see Astarion wince, slowly putting the pieces together. You don’t particularly feel like rehashing the night you saw Taming again, so you continue.

“His friends weren’t terrible, though, and he was never as awful to them as he was to me, so I thought it was my fault. Like, if I were just somehow less annoying, or smarter, or more interesting, then he would suddenly stop being an asshole. There were some nights,” you swallow thickly, surprised by how difficult recounting this is. You thought you had worked through all this with Jaheira. “Some nights he was so persistent that I would just let him have sex with me so he would shut up and go to sleep.”

You feel Astarion tense beneath your leg, and he’s clenching his jaw so hard you’re worried his teeth might shatter. You quickly continue to try to put him at ease. “I sometimes wish I could go back to my 20-year-old self and just give her a huge hug and tell her that she’s worth more than that dick. But I’ve grown a lot since that relationship, and probably because of that relationship if I’m being perfectly honest. Wish I could have learned those lessons without an abusive asshole, but we play the hand we’re dealt.” You shrug and stare blankly at the dregs at the bottom of your mug. 

When Astarion speaks, his voice is icy and measured. “And what’s this man’s name?”

“Aradin. Aradin Beno,” you answer, keeping your eyes cast down. Your gaze shoots up to Astarion with a sudden realization. “You’re not allowed to kill him, Astarion,” you warn. You would have been joking had you said that thirty minutes ago. But after learning exactly what he’s capable of, a genuine spike of fear runs through your heart.

“But why?” he says in a whiny voice. “I can make it look like an accident, I promise!”

“No, no murder!” You kick your other foot out at him, and he grabs your ankle in a single swift motion. His sudden movement makes your mouth twitch as you suppress the smile spreading across your lips.

“Does the prospect of me being a killer make you feel something, little love?” he drops his voice and your breath catches in your throat. You don’t want to admit just how much it does, so you choose to remain silent instead. You watch him with unblinking eyes as he prowls over you, taking your empty mug out of your hand and setting it on the coffee table. The way his eyes sparkle and the flash of his fangs tells you that he knows exactly what it makes you feel.

“Are you? I mean– have you? Besides the one, I guess,” you stammer as your heart threatens to pound out of your chest. He looms over you, pressing his thigh down between your legs.

“Would it be better or worse if I said yes?” His lips hover over yours, and the noise that slips out of your throat is a little embarrassing. He closes the distance and kisses you roughly, slipping his hand beneath your lower back and digging his nails into your skin. 

You’re certain you would feel differently if you saw it in person… but the mental image of Astarion covered in blood after just having torn Aradin limb from limb sets you off. Something surges through you and you suddenly flip Astarion onto his back. You straddle his hips and crush your lips together, struggling to control your hungry kisses. You tangle your fingers into his hair, pulling hard. He claws into your thighs, pulling you down onto his rapidly growing erection, and you groan into his lips. You move your mouth down to his neck, biting down, and your whole body seizes when you hear his breathy moan in response.

He pushes up off the couch, keeping your legs wrapped around his waist while you cling to his shoulders, your assault on his neck never relenting. He carries you back to your room and throws you down on the bed hard enough to bounce slightly. He looks borderline monstrous as he crawls back onto you, pinning all four of your limbs down so escape is impossible. 

Your breathing grows heavy as he ravages you, your hands messily grabbing at any part they can reach. He tears at your bra with his teeth and you moan loudly, panting uncontrollably. He bites your skin, not to feed but to mark you, to cover you in punctures and bruises that brand you as his. You arch your back into him, asking for more. You want him to tear you apart, to leave you broken and consumed. You whine, your breath wracking through your lungs.

But before long, your vision starts to darken around the edges. You feel your heart pounding in the well of your throat – not the way Astarion makes your heart pound, but the way your anxiety does. You get lightheaded and your muscles grow weak as Astarion, unaware of your change in faculties, bites down on the soft tissue of your breast.

“Wait,” you call weakly, and grabs your hair and pulls your head back, pressing his lips against your ear.

“What was that, love?” he growls as his pointer finger tugs on your shorts.

“Star, stop,” you croak, and his entire demeanor shifts. He pulls back to look at you, his red eyes round and shining with concern. You’re a little surprised when the tears fall from your eyes unbidden, streaking down your temples and into your hair. You start hyperventilating, shaking as you lose control over your breath. You shove your fist into your mouth, hoping fruitlessly that the pain might ground you. 

After a moment of staring at you helplessly, Astarion pulls you into his arms and you curl up face down into his lap, choking out sobs as you grip his thighs. Your throat tightens and you feel like you’re being strangled by your own larynx. You gag as your stomach heaves, trying to expel itself from out of your mouth.

Astarion rubs your back, rocking you gently. A soft stream of “shhhh” and “it’s okay, love, you’re okay,” pours out of his mouth. He breathes in and out slowly, and you eventually find your breath enough to steady it, lengthening your inhales and exhales to match his. You lay there trembling for what feels like hours until you manage to push yourself back up into a sitting position.

“Gods, I’m sorry, I don’t know what that was about,” you chuckle feebly, wiping tears and snot from your face. Astarion starts to reach out to touch your cheek, but he pulls his hand back hesitantly.

“Darling, you don’t need to apologize. Are you… are you alright?” he asks, voice unsteady. You press the heels of your palms into your eyes until your vision goes starry, then take his hands in yours.

“I am, yes. I’m sorry. I know you said I don’t need to apologize,” you add quickly as he opens his mouth to protest. “Like, I’m sorry that it happened as much as I’m sorry that I probably freaked you out.”

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard it, and you furiously shake your head.

“No, gods no. The opposite, actually.” You attempt to flash him a smile, but it just comes off as tired. “I think it just became too much too quickly. And I guess I’m not as… worked through… the Aradin stuff as I thought I was.” You frown at your clunky phrasing and he more confidently reaches out to stroke your cheek. You press your face into his palm, holding his hand to your lips as you take a few more long, grounding breaths. You finally drop his hand and look down at your torn bra, raising your eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh, er… sorry about that,” Astarion smiles sheepishly. 

“Honestly I’m more impressed than anything else,” you laugh as you start to try to scooch off the bed to get another shirt. Astarion puts his hand on your knee to stop you and walks toward your dresser. It takes him a few tries to figure out the right drawer, but eventually he pulls out a tank top and hands it to you. You inexplicably turn away from him as you put it on, suddenly self-conscious in front of this man who has seen you naked maybe a dozen times. 

You pull yourself to the edge of the bed, your dangling feet not quite touching the floor, and reach out to him with grabby hands. He steps closer to you and lets you embrace his waist wordlessly. You press your nose into his ribs and take a steady inhale. His scent is so much more concentrated from this angle, all sweat and pheromones. He runs his hand through your hair and you can feel tears welling up in your eyes again. He feels the wetness on his skin and pulls away suddenly.

“What? What did I do?” He sounds genuinely panicked and it gets an honest laugh out of you.

“No, it’s nothing. I’m just…” in love with you. Fucking hells, you haven’t even let yourself think those words before. You push the thought down, so very far down – you’re not even remotely in a position to confront it right now. “Do you think you can hang out for a bit? You don’t have plans today, do you?” You take a shaky breath. “I just don’t think I want to be alone right now.”

“Yes, my sweet, of course.” He takes your chin and tilts your head up so you’re looking up at him. “But will you please eat something? You’ve had nothing but coffee and I’m sure the blood loss isn’t helping.”

You smile and nod, standing to give him a proper kiss. The sudden movement does, in fact, make you wobble a bit. He grips your arms and glowers at you as your eyes scan down his bare chest and legs.

“Do you want, like, clothes? Maybe I can ask Shadowheart to run to your apartment and get you a fresh set?” You don’t mind staring at him half naked, but you figure you might as well give him the option.

“Well, as a matter of fact, do you think she would mind terribly feeding His Majesty? He gets awfully cranky if he doesn’t have his regular meals.”

“Huh, I wonder where he picked that up?” you ask with a coy smile and he rolls his eyes. 

“You’re one to talk. Go eat.” He pushes you through your bedroom door. “And yes, please ask Shadowheart.” You laugh as you stumble through your living room to the kitchen. You pick up your phone from the kitchen island and pull up her number.

-Shade, are you busy? Can you do me a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge favor?

-what

It’s a bit on the early side for her, so frankly you appreciate the answer at all.

-Can you run to Astarion’s apartment to grab some clothes? And also feed his cat?

The typing bubble pops up and disappears a handful of times. Then, she finally replies:

-...what?

-Please Shade, it’s important. pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaassssseeeeeeeeeeee

-Moon Maiden, yes, calm down. I’ll come over to grab his keys.

“Okay, she said yes,” you tell Astarion as you put your phone back down on the counter and grab a sleeve of cinnamon raisin bagels from the drawer. He watches you carefully as you assemble your breakfast, almost like he doesn’t trust that you’ll actually do it if he looks away.

It doesn’t take long for Shadowheart to walk into your apartment without knocking. She’s wearing an oversized Next to Normal t-shirt and shorts. Her eyes first settle on Astarion sitting at the island in just his underwear and she stares blankly. When her gaze shifts to you, and she sees your puffy red eyes, she turns back to Astarion in a fury.

“What the fuck did you do?” she hisses, and you throw out your hands to stop her from committing murder. She stops just short of getting slathered in cream cheese from the knife still in your hand.

“Nothing, no, he’s good, I swear. Perfect, even.” You glance back at him abashedly. “No, it was just… Aradin stuff.” You mumble the last few words, and watch as Shadowheart’s anger deflates and then flares twice as high.

“Oh? Do I need to hunt this piss kid down?” she seethes, pumping herself up for a fight.

“No, she has forbidden murder, I already tried,” Astarion drawls, and Shadowheart’s expression dulls to a scowl.

“Fine,” she grumbles, then turns back to you. “Where am I going and what am I getting?”

“I’ll text you his address, just a change of clothes. Oh, and where do you keep His Majesty’s food?” You start typing out the message and Astarion takes your phone from your hand.

“It’ll be simpler if I give you instructions,” he says as he types out what looks like a novel. “Make sure you go to the fish market on Bleeker, not the one on Mayweather. And if they don’t have the nice fatty tuna, you can get the yellowtail, but only if it’s been caught within the hour. If they don’t have either, then ask for Thodric, he’ll know what to get.”

Shadowheart stares at him with a mixture of confusion and revulsion. “The little rat’s getting Fancy Feast and he’ll like it,” she finally says when Astarion hits send. You shoot her another pleading look and she groans. “Fine. Anything else for Your Majesty?”

“Oh, His Majesty is fine, but could you also grab my maroon cardigan and–”

“Gods, really?” she snaps. You’re chewing on your bagel when you finally process what she’s wearing.

“Wait, isn't that shirt–” you begin and she whirls around, her loose silver hair swinging down her back.

“I’ll text you when I’m on my way back,” she barks as she slams the door shut behind her.

***

You and Astarion spend the day together mostly in comfortable silence. Shadowheart does, in fact, give His Majesty the fresh fish he so desperately requires, but she only brings Astarion a pair of jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. He grumbles a resentful thank you, even if she didn’t bring him the maroon cardigan.

You’re lying on the couch leaned up against Astarion, who has borrowed your tablet to grade papers while you answer work emails on your phone. You get another reminder from the chair about season selection and you groan.

“I swear, we’re not going to have a season next year if we can’t fucking agree on something,” you bemoan, dropping your phone and rubbing your eyes wearily. “Plus, the rest of them feel like we need to settle on a musical first and then build the season around that,” you gripe, crossing your arms like a petulant child.

“Well that’s nonsense, the musical is always just a garish over-produced spectacle,” Astarion scoffs.

“But it’s the thing that makes the most money, so we are kind of dependent on it, as much as I hate to admit it,” you concede reluctantly. “Alfira really wants to do Heathers, and I read it, I just can’t get behind it as much as the rest of the faculty. I want to make sure the classical play is in conversation with it, and I can’t think of an interesting choice.” You slide your eyes to Astarion with a smirk. “Lucretius suggested Hamlet and I would literally rather fling myself out a window than direct Hamlet.”

“Well now, I don’t believe self-defenestration is necessary,” he laughs. “But you’ve only read it? Aren’t you the one always going on about how theatre is meant to be seen and not read?” He mocks you a little too well and you smack his knee.

“Fine, I guess I’ll see if there’s a recording available,” you mutter, picking your phone back up and googling it. “Oh, there actually is. A proshot is available… on the Roku app? I swear to the gods, there are too many apps these days.” You sit up and turn towards Astarion. “Will you watch it with me? Pleeeeaaaassee,” you add in a whine when he gives you a pained look. “If we don’t like it we can make fun of it together, I promise. That’s a better deal than you’ll get from 95% of theatre people.”

He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s bad enough you’re going to make me see it in the fall, you’re going to make me watch it again now?”

Your heart leaps at how casually he mentions still being together in the fall, but you quickly shake the feeling off. Instead, you divert his attention by offering, “What if Karlach and Shadowheart watched it with us? Karlach should probably watch it too, honestly, and then you and Shade can commiserate together as non-theatre people.”

He glares at you for another moment before putting his glasses back on and huffing a great sigh. “Fine,” he relents, adding with a glare, “you’re very lucky that you’re cute.” You giggle with delight and text Shadowheart.

-Do you wanna come over with Karlach tonight and watch Alfira’s pick for the fall musical? You can bond with Astarion over your love of expensive wine and the annoyances of dating someone in the theatre department.

-🍷👌🏻

You laugh at her response and go back to leaning against Astarion’s side, a small shiver running up your spine as he squeezes you a little closer to him.

***

Shadowheart and Karlach come by later in the evening, Shadowheart with two bottles of wine and Karlach loaded with snacks. They move around your kitchen, taking out bowls and glasses, while you take a sudden new interest in the ingredients for Doritos.

“And is it like, highly processed ingredients?” you frown as your eyes scan over the lines, some of the words familiar to you and some of them not. Astarion shrugs.

“I haven’t kept a detailed list of what’s fine and what isn’t, if that’s what you’re asking,” he drawls, looking over his glasses pompously, and you huff.

“Well then I’m going to eat them just to spite you,” you threaten, attempting to open the bag of Doritos menacingly. The gesture falls flat when you crunch down on a chip and it crumbles down your shirt. He takes the back of your neck in his hand and pulls your lips to his, his tongue swiping up cheese dust. You flush and he pulls away, contemplating the taste.

“Well it’s certainly not the most pleasant,” he finally decides, and you dejectedly put the chips down and pick up the wine Shadowheart has just poured. Astarion looks down his nose at the bottle.

“Decent choice,” he intimates with an approving look, and Shadowheart gives him a sideways glance.

“Ah yes, I heard you were a bit of a wine snob.” She tries to match his haughty energy, and doesn’t do a half bad job. “I saw what you brought,” she says, referring to the bottle still on the counter from last night. “It looks… fine.” The corners of his lips twitch upward and you can tell that he likes her, despite their constant bickering.

You and Astarion settle yourself on the couch while Karlach and Shadowheart sit on the floor. Karlach leans against the base of the couch, one knee propped up and an arm around Shadowheart’s shoulders. You smirk at your best friend, remembering your conversation of her insisting that she likes to sit on the floor, despite the fact that the two of you always sit on the couch together. Astarion, legs crossed and arm around you, pulls up the Roku app on your TV and finds the Heathers proshot.

September first, 1989. Dear diary:

A spotlight comes up on a young half-elf woman wearing a bulky denim jacket, big scarf, and a long hippie skirt. Veronica, it quickly becomes clear, is one of the more unpopular kids in school, along with her best friend Martha Dunstock.

“Wait, Veronica isn’t already one of the Heathers? And she’s already friends with Martha?” Shadowheart asks. The eponymous “Heathers” are the archetypical mean girls who rule over Westerberg High.

“No, is that how it is in the movie?” you reply. “I’m only vaguely aware of it, I just read the musical.”

“Interesting,” she muses, narrowing her eyes. “Yeah, she’s supposed to already be in the Heathers, and she doesn’t even speak to Martha until the last scene of the movie. I guess this way she gets a classic movie montage makeover.”

“That tells a very different story,” Astarion says, bouncing his foot slightly. “Following a protagonist who starts wealthy and popular rather than one who is an interloper into a position of power.”

“I wonder why they changed it,” Karlach says, and you nod in agreement.

“I can almost guarantee it was because of the success of Mean Girls and not simply a narrative choice they wanted to make,” you add, wrinkling your nose with distaste. 

“Maybe,” Shadowheart takes a thoughtful sip of her wine. “Mean Girls was so heavily influenced by Heathers that it does seem like a nice homage.” She pauses for a moment, then giggles, “You know, I used to think that I had a crush on Christian Slater and I wanted to be Winona Rider, but it turns out it was the other way around.”

“Honestly, I think that tells me all I need to know about you,” Karlach teases.

Honey whatcha waiting for? Step inside my candy store. Time for you to prove you’re not a loser anymore.

The trio of Heathers pose centerstage, their synchronistic dance moves and bright color coordinated outfits creating a striking stage picture.

“Visually, it’s a nice stylistic choice,” Astarion notes, “but I wonder if the aesthetics will detract from the effectiveness of these three as antagonists.”

“Maybe,” Karlach says with a shrug. “But you know that Carm would have a field day with these costumes,” she adds, turning to look at you over her shoulder.

“Oh she absolutely would,” you agree, looking at their sharp blazers, plaid skirts, and thigh high socks. “But I think Astarion’s has a point, they’re almost too appealing to convey any real villainy. Plus, so many of these lines have become such an iconic part of pop culture that they’re almost meaningless. When the main Heather shouts, ‘Shut up, Heather!’ it feels more like she’s quoting a famous line than bullying her friend.”

“I’m sure Alfira will want to address that in the room,” Karlach nods. 

Love this dead girl walking Love this dead girl walking Love this dead girl– Yeah– Yeah– Yeah– Yeah!!!!

After committing the social suicide of not bullying her unpopular best friend, Veronica decides she wants to go out with a bang – literally – and sneaks into the bedroom of resident bad boy JD. You still get an uneasy feeling about him as a character, but you’re trying to parse out your judgment of yourself versus your analysis of the text.

“Sorry,” Karlach shakes her head and holds out her wine glass, pointing at the screen. “Did we just witness that girl have a musical orgasm?”

“Surprisingly more common than you’d think in musical theatre,” you laugh, and Astarion pulls you into him until his lips are on your ear.

“Would you like to be my dead girl walking?” His voice is a husky whisper, sending a shiver reverberating through your body. You press your lips together and dig your nails into his knee to keep both of you in check.

-Oh my gods, I just killed my best friend! -Oh, and your worst enemy, so– -Same difference!

Veronica may have been the one to unknowingly hand a mug full of drain cleaner to the most popular and powerful of the mean girls, Heather Chandler, but JD was the one who knowingly handed it to Veronica.

“So they just immediately kill their primary villain?” Astarion scoffs in surprise. “Bold choice, I wouldn’t have expected it from a musical.”

“Oh don’t worry, she’ll be back,” you laugh. “Hey Karlach, who do you think should play Heather C?”

“Oooh, that’s a good question. I feel like it has to be Arabella, right? Who else has got the chops?” Karlach tilts her head to look at you.

“Arabella would also be really good as Veronica though,” you respond, shuffling through all of the theatre majors in your head. “Do you know if Mol is going to audition?”

“Maybe, but I think she wants to stage manage this fall.”

“Oh that makes sense, she’d be great at that,” you nod in agreement.

He’s hungry for a hunk Of the junk in your trunk

“Oh, weird. I don’t remember this song in the script I read,” you say with a frown. It was a while ago when you read it, but you’re pretty sure that this moment – when the high school jocks Kurt and Ram corner Veronica alone – felt a little more comedic and a little less sinister.

“Yeah, same,” Karlach says. “I feel like it was much sillier. Something about balls?”

“I think the hook was ‘you make my balls so blue.’” You try to force a laugh, but what’s playing out on screen is making you uncomfortable. The visual of the jock, Kurt or Ram, you can’t remember which, lewdly humping the air in front of a terrified Veronica doesn’t sit well with you. “This song being about date rape raises the stakes very differently from it being a blue balling joke.”

“Yeah, that’s so much more intense.” Karlach’s frown deepens as Veronica tries to pull her skirt down lower while the boys grab at her aggressively.

“I mean I get it, it’s a much stronger choice narratively, but we’ll have to be careful, give proper warnings and stuff.” You take a sip of your wine and Astarion gently rubs your shoulder.

“Okay, darling?” he hums in your ear. You nod but pull his arm around you a little tighter.

I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours. I’ll make them disappear.

There’s something so much more menacing about JD’s sung lines after having killed the jocks, Kurt and Ram, who tried to sexually assault Veronica. It makes your hackles raise, in part because you can see how toxic it is, but also because you can’t deny that it stirs something inside you. Just earlier today, you threw yourself at Astarion at the mere mental image of him murdering your abuser.

It’s okay if it’s just fantasy, Jaheira’s words ring in your head. Sure, someone saying that they worship you and committing homicide over it isn’t healthy in real life. But in a fantasy that isn’t hurting anyone?

But… how do you decide what’s harmful and what isn’t?

Can’t we be seventeen? Is that so hard to do?

After JD murders Heather Chandler and both Kurt and Ram out of a sense of misplaced righteousness, Veronica begs him to hold on to his youth a little longer and not let the trauma of his mother’s suicide make him grow up so fast.

You feel Astarion’s chest shaking slightly against your back. You glance up at him and his eyes are shining.

“Babe, are you crying?” you whisper and he glares at you.

“What? No. Shut up,” he spits as he wipes away a tear. You strain your neck and kiss his cheek.

VERONICA! Open the– open the door please, Veronica, open the door. Can we not fight anymore, please?

The repercussions of JD's streak of murderous revenge finally catching up with Veronica, she hides from him in her bedroom while he attempts to cry, scream, and sing his way back into her heart. 

“This is the one,” you call out. “This is the song that’s all over TikTok with teenage girls saying that she should’ve opened the door.” The context is no different from when you read it – his violent outbursts mixed with unhinged sobbing still make for an energy that you don’t quite know how to respond to. 

“I’m pretty sure they know it’s satire, it’s really over the top,” Karlach shrugs.

“Most of them probably do,” you say with a frown, remembering a concerning post that you saw somewhere that said ‘musical JD really loved Veronica while movie JD was just a manipulator.’ 

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Astarion says, pointing with his nearly empty wine glass. “You’re telling me that young girls like this behavior? Why?” 

Shadowheart snorts. “Apparently there’s something appealing about a pathetic wet cat of a man,” she laughs, and Astarion pouts.

I wish your dad were good,  I wish grownups understood. I wish we’d met before They convinced you life is war.

Veronica is pleading with a gun-wielding JD to not blow up the school during the pep rally when something suddenly clicks for you.

“Oh my gods, that’s the thesis statement, that’s what this whole show is about.” You sit up with the realization. “It’s not about mental health, or bullying. I mean it is,” you falter a bit, the wine sloshing around your brain. “But at the root it’s the parents’ fault. All of the adults in this show have been neglectful at best and selfish and bigoted at worst.”

“You know, if you want a good classical play with that theme,” Astarion shrugs, “then you should propose Romeo & Juliet.” Your jaw drops and you whirl around to face him.

“Holy shit, you’re so brilliant, I love you.”

Hey yo, Westerberg, tell me what’s that sound? Here comes Westerberg, comin’ to put you in the ground!

Your whole body freezes as the blood drains from your face. Somewhat delayed, you slap a hand over your mouth to keep you from accidentally revealing anything else. Astarion stares at you, his mask completely expressionless. Karlach and Shadowheart seem to remain oblivious to the monumental tension between you and Astarion.

Westerberg will knock you out And send you straight to–

Fuck.

[cakexblankett]

Into me you see

Character

Lady Jessica

Rating

Green

Words

1.586

~•~

"Here are the candidates, Lady Jessica."

"Hm you can leave now."

Lady Jessica took a guick glance at all the seven girls aligned in front of her. Her eyes stopped on you. You didn't dare look in her direction, your face cold and unexpressive. She came closer to you, looking up and down at your form. She gestured for the others to leave, and they immediately took off. You remained alone with her, your muscles tensed.

"Look at me."

You did as you were told, your E/C eyes looking directly at hers. She was beautiful, her jawline was defined and her cheeks almost hollow but that didn't take away her feminity.

"Tell me your name."

"Y/N."

She hummed, and with her hand put a stranded hair in its place. Her touch was gentle and her palm slightly touched your face, which almost made you jump. You weren't used to these small gestures of affection.

"I know you carry a knife."

Your eyes widened. How could she tell? She smiled, and her hand moved slowly down your body. You were prepared to attack at any moment, but something told you not to. Her hand trailed down your torso, until she found the knife and threw it away from the two of you.

"Now we're both unarmed."

Your jaw tensed, and you faked a smile. You didn't want to be there, but that woman made you curious somehow, so you tried refraining your violent impulses.

"You're a Fremen."

"And very proud to be one."

Your chest puffed, and you looked down at her. She just smiled at you, and you began being irritated by her kindness and gentleness. You knew it was a façade; as soon as you would have trusted her she would have stabbed you in the back.

"I want to entrust my life to you."

You rolled your eyes, and chuckled. She was so naïve, thinking that a Fremen girl like you would help a woman like her, the concubine of the Duke that would certainly ruin your land.

Lady Jessica's smile never left her pale face. You gazed at her curiously.

"You may not know it now, but we are a part of a bigger plan."

You raised one of your brows, inquiringly. Could she be talking about...?

"Lisan Al-Gaib..."

You whispered. She nodded, her smile fading. You gulped; she could be lying, but something told you she wasn't. The prophecy was finally becoming reality, and you were going to be a part of it.

You kneeled, and bowed your head.

"I will protect you with my life."

Her hand came to touch your veil, and hummed. You looked up and saw the face of a true Bene Gesserit, the bearer of the Lisan Al-Gaib.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Weeks have passed since you became Lady Jessica's bodyguard. You followed her around the house, helped her with easy and hard tasks. You never left her side, you even slept in her room. You wondered why she didn't sleep with the Duke, but didn't dare ask, it wasn't your place to know these things.

"Y/N."

You bowed your head, her tone was different this time. You could tell from the slight shaking of her voice, and how she tortured her hands.

"Yes, Lady Jessica?"

She began pacing around the room, eyes closed, breath laboured. You simply looked at her, motionless. You started getting attached to her, your little and scarred heart began to feel again. You remained wary, but you knew it was a matter of time before all your walls would crumble.

You had a troubled past, your childhood passed under the tyranny of the Harkonnens. Your mother was killed when you were only four, and your dad disappeared not long after. People abused you, people walked away and never came back. Your people, the Fremen, tried her best to take care of you but the loss of your parents made you cold and distant and, above all, a warrior.

But all that seemed like a distant nightmare when you were with Lady Jessica. You didn't know what it meant to love someone but maybe she could show you, you wanted her to. You wanted her to take your heart and keep it in hers, away from all the hurt and pain.

She stopped in front of you and her hand cupped your cheek.

"I fear the time has come."

You furrowed your brows, not understanding. She smiled, and you gazed at her in adoration. Her smile was warm and beautiful, it almost made you smile in return. But you hadn't smiled in so long you feared you would look ridiculous.

"Time for what, my lady?"

A tear rolled down her cheek and you instinctively raised a hand and wiped it away with your thumb. Then, you put your thumb in your mouth. She watched you suck your thumb, your lips around it. She licked her lips, then closed her eyes.

"We don't waste water here."

She nodded, retreating her hand from your face. The loss of her warm touch made you whine.

"Prepare yourself to fight."

"My lady, I fear I don't understand-"

She raised a hand and you took the hint and stayed silent. At the end of it all, you were there to fight, it was your mission. To save Lady Jessica's life, even if it meant losing yours. You didn't mind, you would have walked through fire if it meant she would be safe from it. You weren't there to understand, you were there to follow orders, without questioning them.

"I regret choosing you."

There it was. You knew it, but you hoped those words would never come out of her mouth. Everybody had always regreted it, you were never the first option. It was strange she chose you in the first place, but she did, and you wondered why. But that didn't matter now, because she regreted it. What did you do to make her say that? You always tried your best to follow her orders, you thought it was going farely well.

You would have cried, you really would have. You felt so heartbroken, almost like you would explode at any moment, but your face remained the same, and your hands didn't shake, although you felt cold. A voice inside of you kept telling you that it was only natural she felt that way.

You remained silent, watching her as she paced around the room again.

"I shouldn't have chose you..."

You gulped, hands coming into a fist at your sides. You tried your best to remain calm, closing your eyes.

"If I didn't... you would have been safe."

You opened your eyes and gazed at her moving figure.

"I'm sorry?"

She stopped, her back facing you. You couldn't see the tears rolling down her cheeks but you could see her tremble. You didn't know if it was ok for you to come closer, so you didn't.

"You shouldn't be here, it's not safe. I'm sorry, I've been selfish, you should be with your people, away from this house. Now you might die, all because I..."

She sobbed, her voice cracking. Fuck it, you took three long steps and put your hand on her shoulder. She put hers on top of it and squeezed yours gently. You were a bit embarrased, you didn't know what to do or what to say.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault."

You looked all around you, you couldn't bare see her in such a state.

"I... I'm glad you chose me."

You blushed, biting your tongue. She looked up at you, her eyes red and her cheeks wet.

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here."

She smiled, that smile that made you melt. She took your hand and kissed it gently. Her lips on your skin made you feel on fire, you almost couldn't take it, the way she made you feel was ethereal.

"I knew I made the right choice."

You smiled, a shy and clumsy smile, but it was sincere. It was your first, true smile in what felt a decade.

"If something is really going to happen tonight..."

She looked right at you, her blue eyes locked in yours. The eyes are the window of the soul, hers was strong willed but uncertain.

"I just want you to know..."

You took a big breath in, averting your eyes from her. Her hand was still holding yours, and her touch made you feel so many things, things you never felt before. You felt like you were going mad.

"I... will protect you, even if it means I will die in the process."

"I know."

You nodded, and retreated you hand from hers. She let go of your hand, and turned away from you. You suddenly felt cold, and you shivered for a second. You could never ask her to love you, you knew her heart was in the Duke's hands. Will anyone ever love you? Nobody ever did, nobody ever will.

But she loved you, not in the way you did, but she cared for you, and that was enough. She saw your potential, she chose you to protect her, and you would do anything to make her proud of you. So if that night you would have lost your life, so be it.

Into me you see

You've got me wide open

Open sesame

Into me you see

You've got me wide open

Now I'm ready

Is this intimacy?

@marvelwomenrule

[rabbitsrams]

The inexperienced fics are melting me atm. What about them experimenting with different kinks and stuff?! God you’ve changed my life 😭

hey anon wow ur so right...

btw im not really into that many kinks, specifically more hardcore ones, so i will likely leave a good amount of things out and probably won't rly write about them just bc of my personal preferences.

kinks included: praise kink, spanking, bondage/blindfolding, light choking, roleplaying, voice kink, hand kink, hair pulling kink.

(i can do a part 2 of things i missed cuz there's a lot more i wanna write)

(also should i make a masterlist of all of these lc schlatt fics?)

nsfw under the cut, minors dni!! 18+ only.

so to start off lightly schlatt is already very aware of your praise kink and hand kink. he's not dumb, he sees how you look at them. and he sees how you react when you get an answer right in class.

okay but like his hands are so fucking sexy like. you already know. and i feel like he just knew you would go absolutely crazy once he was able to get his hands on you.

you literally spent like 5 minutes examining his hands and his fingers right before he fingered you for the first time. and you have a specific fixation with his long ass middle finger (cuz who wouldn't).

and from there you want his hands anywhere and everywhere on you. including around your neck.

one day while you were doing stuff you just impulsively took his hand and placed it on your neck. and he just freezes.

"you want me to do what?"

"just... you don't need to squeeze. but keep it there, please." oh he's absolutely done for.

going back to praise kink. it's kind of in his nature to compliment you and tell you how good you feel. but i feel like he would just double it because of how much you love to be praised.

when he calls you a good girl for the first time. on the floor. crying. screaming. and he fucking loves how you react when he calls you that so he does it all. the. time.

constantly calling you pretty and beautiful and telling you how good you're taking his fingers/cock. grr bark bark i need him.

okay also he's so into you pulling his hair. like. oh my god. you always find a way to do it whenever he's eating you out and he practically melts every time.

and just in general he loves it when you play with his hair whether it be while you're cuddling or while he's giving you the best head of your life.

asking him to spank you. he's really hesitant and doesn't wanna hurt you but you insist. he starts off rly light and gentle and you kind of have to push him a bit to do it harder but once he does oh boy you're done for. he's just so fixated on how your ass jiggles when he spanks you...

the first time you have phone sex is when you realize you have a bit of a voice kink. just hearing him speaking to you in that low tone about all the things he'd do to you if he was there... god damn.

AND THEN LATER YOU ASK HIM IF HE CAN BLINDFOLD YOU SO HE TAKES ONE OF HIS TIES AND COVERS YOUR EYES WITH IT. AND HE JUST. TALKS ABOUT WHAT HE'S GONNA DO TO YOU AND PRAISES YOU AND EVERYTHING OH MY GOD SEND ME TO THE ER IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

i feel like he's really into roleplay but is really embarrassed about it. he thinks it's cringe but is pleasantly surprised to hear you're kind of into it.

you're both really awkward when trying to do it but that mostly results in a lot of giggling bc it is kind of cringe but who really cares.

yeah you also practically begged him to let you tie him up. :) he didn't know how much that turned him on but... wow.

he really wants to touch you while you're riding him BUT HE CAN'T BECAUSE HE'S RESTRAINED!! so he begs and begs and begs for you to untie him so he can touch you but you refuse. gets super whiny and whimpery🥺🥺

one day after he came back from his dorm he was greeted to the sight of you naked and tied to his bed :D oh he went so crazy there he practically came on the spot.

he gave you a taste of your own medicine too, teased you a fuck ton that had you turning into a whimpering mess <3 you had to BEG him to do something arhejghjdfdfvjkfd and after you did? best sex of your life.

[yandere-yearnings]

I won't keep this up for very long, but I think I do owe it to all my mutuals, followers and those who'd just browse on occasion or who found a safe space in this blog.

My previous account under the same name disappeared about a week ago, and it was sudden enough that I'm sure some of you may have chalked it up to Tumblr deactivating it. In actuality, it was because I deleted it myself.

I haven't been in the best mental state as of recently, even before I first started the blog, but I thought things would get better over time. My intention isn't to turn this into a rant or vent, so I won't expand but, I think all the self-imposed pressure I was placing on myself to write, paired with other factors had just pushed me to the point of breaking. I had a panic attack, and didn't give myself the time to calm down and think things through after, when I had decided to just give up.

My biggest regret is not making at least one final post, because I know how jarring it can be to have someone there one second, and find out they're gone the next. I can't imagine the worry I put some of my friends on here through, nor can I ever apologise enough that I still won't feel guilty.

I have a habit of leaving abruptly like that when I'm overwhelmed. Every time I promise myself I won't do it again, I end up breaking it. At the very least, this time, I'll try and have realistic expectations of myself and take breaks when I need them instead of impulsively deleting weeks and months of time and effort.

It's ironic to me because I'm the type of person who saves every single thing I write just in case anything happens, but I didn't do that with most of the content that I had on this blog — because I wasn't expecting things to turn out this way. Some of my works are probably still floating around Tumblr thanks to reblogs, so if anyone sees anything and lets me know, it'd help me find them again. For the most part, I'll probably have to start over from scratch anyway.

Unfortunately, all my unanswered asks are also gone, and I had a lot of them. I'll try to put out things for the ones I can remember somewhat. If you've sent any in that I never came around to, you're free to send them in again if you still want a response.

This got lengthier than I anticipated, but I hope it was a sufficient enough explanation. I'm sincerely sorry for any distress or just negative feelings I may have caused. I'm sorry to my mutuals who I left without even trying to talk to. I'm sorry that I took away a safe space for some of my followers, because I used to get the sweetest messages about how my writing helped and how my ocs would make everything feel less lonely. I truly hope this can become a place like that again. I'm gonna try my absolute best.

[your-art-is-gay]

For some reason, I'm hyperfixating really hard on Vampire Knight right now, so uh....

I may have bought the art book. And by "may have," I mean absolutely, definitely, 100% impulse-bought the art book.

And I have thoughts. A lot of thoughts.

So here's some of my favourite art from the book! Also, apologies for shitty, phone-quality photos.

(Under the cut so this doesn't get too long.)

Pretty outfits!

Kaname in a Day Class uniform.

I don't know what's funnier here, what Yuki's doing to Zero's hair or the fact that he's letting her. And in class (or at least, in public) by the looks of it, given that they're in uniform.

I hate how cute they are in chibi. Grr. >.<

I love their expressions in this. Like, you've walked in on them and they're both annoyed by it.

Ugh, this one is one of my favourites. It's just gorgeous. I like the symbolism, too---Yuki has her long hair and Artemis scythe, so this is after the whole pureblood reveal. The broken chains could represent her breaking the seal on her memories and powers, and of course they're red---so much of her life is soaked in blood, and if I remember correctly, her repressed memories manifested in visions of blood.

This one is interesting to me. Again, Yuki has long hair, meaning that this is post-awakening. She's holding Yuri protectively, almost possessively.

The thing that intrigues me the most is that Yuri seems to be wearing a Cross Academy necklace, like Yuki's. Is this symbolism, or is it just something I've forgotten about?

This illustration has always been one of my favourites. I think it's so funny that Zero and Kaname look like they're about to attack each other, and Yuki is physically holding them apart like, "c'mon guys, can you at least wait until after our picture is taken?"

I feel like it encapsulates their dynamic really well. ^-^

Well, that's all for now! But I have more thoughts. Lots more.

Stay tuned, if you're interested!

[hopepetal]

A bit of writing I've done for @tibby-art and I's au!! :D

Enjoy!

--

It wasn't often that Mumbo woke up in a featureless gray room– was it concrete? Probably, judging by how his back ached as he slowly pushed himself up off the hard floor, wincing at the pain that shot through his bruised body. It was too dark to really see anything, and although light seeped in through the cracks of an iron door, Mumbo found himself almost completely blinded.

He felt the floor around him, frowning as he noticed little bumps and grooves in the material. A little further back, Mumbo noticed as he turned around, was a chair. Probably wooden, but it was still too dark to make out the details. His eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness, flitting around anxiously as his breathing began to pick up.

Okay, Mumbo, think. What happened? Why are you here?

“And for goodness sakes, where is my jacket?” he muttered out loud, after noticing he had lost the black coat that usually went over his white shirt. He felt cold without it, a little more bare– something that made him feel a little less secure.

He thought back to last night. How he had stepped outside briefly for something he couldn't quite recall at the moment. He had been well aware of the attacks happening around Boatem recently, but– oh. Of course. He'd been attacked. And, to top it all off, kidnapped. Apparently.

Mumbo could hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching from outside, freezing up as they got closer and closer. Whatever was happening, hopefully he was about to get a bit of a clue.

Or die. Which would suck, but hey, respawns.

The door opened up, and Mumbo stood– perhaps in a moment of adrenaline and courage stupidity– ready to face whoever was coming in through that door. A foe? A stranger, who didn't belong on hermitcraft? Or maybe a friend, and this was some kind of elaborate prank.

Mumbo blinked rapidly, trying to make out the person's face in the faint torchlight that seeped in from the hallway. His eyes lit up, and he heaved a great sigh of relief. “Oh, Scar! What are you doing here, mate? Or, I guess–” He chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his neck– “What, exactly, am I doing here? Is this some– some sort of joke?” Laughter, again. This time more nervous, high-pitched. “Mate?”

Scar, silent as an oncoming storm, took a few steps forward. Mumbo, in his anxious haste, stumbled back and nearly tripped over his own feet. “Scar?” he asked again, his voice pitching higher, “Scar, mate, you're scaring me.”

Electric blue sparked in Scar's eyes as too-sharp teeth shone in the faint light. Surging forward, he practically pushed Mumbo into the chair, which creaked under the sudden weight. Mumbo let out a yelp as he crashed into the chair, staring up at Scar with wide and terrified eyes. For a moment, they remained like that– silent, eyes locked on each other's.

Then, Scar reached out and fluidly grabbed Mumbo's tie, pulling him a little closer as he leaned forward, crooked grin colder and sharper than ever before. “Oh, Mumbo, Mumbo, Mumbo...” he crooned, and Mumbo had to bite back a full-body shudder, “did you really think I'd let you get away with it? That I'd let you be CEO of boatem?” He chuckled, in a voice that was nothing like Scar. “You? In all your bumbling incompetency?”

Immediately, Mumbo knew something was wrong. Well, not just with Scar, that had been obvious– but that wasn't the reason this was happening. Mumbo wasn't really sure how he knew, but... he certainly did! Know, that is.

He had to get to the others. If he was in this situation, then it was more than likely that Pearl, Grian, and Impulse were as well. And none of them would do too well alone.

Well. Only one way out of this!

Mumbo kicked Scar in the shins, and ran for it while the man yelped and stumbled back. But... The kick hadn't been that hard, and Scar really shouldn't have taken that long to recover, and why wasn't he chasing after Mumbo why was he laughing–

Mumbo found out the reason for Scar's casual reaction very quickly, when he took one step out into the hallway and was slammed into the wall by a wave of magic.

“Oh, Mumbo...” There stood Cub, wearing a very familiar mask and the same grin as Scar, his eyes glowing bright blue from behind the mask. Faint blue wings shimmered behind him as he stepped forward. “Now, that wasn't a very good idea.”

[bugbugdraws]

Just finished the last chapter of HTP. What an incredible final chapter, so amazingly constructed! @aquaquadrant you're amazing amazing. I liveblogged my thoughts as i was reading which I thought you might enjoy <3

Okay I’m a bit late starting writing down my thoughts but I think live-blogging this will be my only way of surviving these chapters.

Tango getting put back in the farm… WHAT. THE. HECK. God damn my heart, it was just as brutal as expected but I was not prepared… Im in pain

“And we can’t have you living a lie anymore, can we?” I SEE YOU AQUA, the lyrics from the Atlas song. That just took me out of it. You sneakkyyyy

Tango’s regretting the plan now ahhhhh, they didn’t remove the collar :S

Im having to pause because MY HEART IS HRUUTNG

Sudden realisation jimmy’s gonna find Tango in the farm like that D: 

Flashbacks to hours before when everyone is fine is FOUL, im getting whiplash 

(No, surely he’s not gonna…) -me and you both watchers

GRIAN WATCHERING IN JIMMYS HEAD, that’s so fucking funny get wrecked jimmy

MUMBO FRICKING JUMBO, the joy I feel right now almost makes me forget the pain of the present timeline 

Poor mumbo jumbo speed running  hels lore

we’ll… need you to go get X.” - the big guns coming in hot. I didn’t comprehend we’d get more characters in this chapter and im over the moon to see them! You write every single one so so well Aqua

“Right, okay…” Mumbo hesitates, scratching the back of his head. “Um, who’s Timmy?” I CAN HEAR MUMBO SAYING THIS, Aqua you never miss

Grian calling jimmy Tim and having to correct himself is such a nice touch

“Even knowin’ what would happen, I’d choose you a million times over.” HNGNNNNNN ARGH I love these stupid block men so much

Bravo seeing Tango’s ‘touches’ to the house, aww man 

(Intermission me going out for a meal and multiple bevs) 

Im not mentally or emotionally prepared for the rest of this

I love how you write everyone interacting. Even though there’s so many people no one is left out

Bravo forgetting Joel’s name hahah mr j

Bravo calling Tango ’skippy’ amuses me greatly

Timmy looking out in the overworld AHHh my heart

‘There’s a fragile stillness to him. Like a glass bottle on the edge of a table.’ - How do you come up with this poetic shit aqua wtf

Oh no, we’re addressing the eating D: Poor Timmy my heart

Me googling ‘shovel talk meaning’

I have beef with the metaphorical ocean that is tangos subconcious

Tango’s memories <3 No words, just happiness

Pt 2

Omg Brian not coming on the mission to keep Clear company is quiet amusing 

No one expects the surprise ravenger 

IMPULSE FULL DEMON MODE LETS GOOOO 

Jimmy and Bravo fighting together is so… I love it

Jimmy glad he didn’t make a tit of himself is so relatable. I feel ya bro

Omg they’re at the door, this is to intense for me

Oh god they found him 

HEEY HONEY TANGO CMON

Atlas is Widowmaker I swear, man is unstoppable with a crossbow!!

Bravo and tango fighting together now toooo, Jimmy’s preoccupied bless him

Atlas screaming is the most satisfying thing ever, get wrecked ya bastard

Omg tango has more wither stains now ahhh, that’s so heartbreaking

Tango chewing Atlas out is GLORIOUS

THEY’RE ATTACKING HIS SCIENCE, HIT HIM WHERE IT HURTS

‘Shoddy science’?! It was my magnum fucking opus!” - mans going through it, honestly what a line

Then he punches Atlas in the face. - god I hope his glasses are okay

Bravo steps forward to deliberately crush Atlas’s shades under his shoe. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

They made it through the portal :’ ) Tango embraced his blaze, and got one up on atlas <3 mannnnn im happy

bX just put Atlas through his second vocal beatdown of the day, daaamn

TIMMY GOT HIS BATH, THAT’S ALL I WANTED

Bravo giving Timmy a kiss on the check… im softboy right now, man I want them to be happy, please come back to him bravo

OHHH BOY DBUBS AND PATHO SEGMENT LETS GO

…

I AM UNHAPPY WITH THIS SEGMENT 

Okay I’ve been reading pretty intensely, it’s 2 in the morning, and suddenly STEVE??

HEROBRINE IS HELS ADMIN

I need to take a walk

Tango oh my god he’s gonna do it

He feels lighter oh my heart hug this man Jimmy

Im crying 

Well, it’s 3 in the morning. Aqua you’re amazing <3

[gffa]

Can I ask your opinion on something? It's about Jason and the way hes written in a lot of batfamily comics, because I can't shake the feeling that in a lot of stories he's in theres is this rather... condescending attitude towards Jason. They are always writing him as this angry impulsive idiot who can't deal with a case or have plan of his own and basically needs Bruce and the others to save him.

For example, take Cheer, a lot of people been calling the best story Jason had, but it still repeats so much of the annoying tropes that Jason gets: He's written tob e really impulsive and dumb and prone to mistakes that the others would never make, and who Bruce to explain him to not attack drug addicts, and them you have to flashbacks that are there to retroactively insert instances of him being a "bad robin" who would torture a random person for no reason and killed someone before he even became robin. And whole story gives the idea that the only reason Jason can be good in anyway is because Bruce stopped from going bad.

then In the failsafe arc when Bruce is praising Tim he has to make a mention about how Jason hated training as a robin, which is not the first time Bruce has compared Jason negatively to prop Tim.

And now in The Gotham War, Jason gets brainwashed by Bruce with that failsafe thing. And it's treated as this big awful thing... until one issue has passed, and then Jason's already resisting the symptons long enough to try to save someone but not enough to actually succeed at by himself, and Bruce saves him by giving him a piggyback ride that treats Jason like child. And Bruce leaves without fixing what he did.

Like compare Jason now with the way he was before the New52 in stories like Under the Hood or the Lost Days. Jason back them as more often than not a villain, but he was a good villain, he was intelligent and competent in a way he is simply not anymore, and makes so mad that nonee these modern stories seem to actually respect him as a character and just make really made and it just ruins most Batfam media for me.

Take this for what it is--someone who is not as deeply into Jason's character as others are and who is more of a general fan (and specifically a fan of my own Blorbo)--but my feeling with Jason's character is that DC doesn't really know what they want to do with his character and so he gets written as incredibly inconsistently by various comics because of it. So often when I look at the bigger scope of his appearances, it's not clear if he's supposed to be a villain, a villain on the way to being reformed, an antihero, a misunderstood hero, or what. And that also tends to influence his relationship with Bruce on a narrative level, how much Bruce is "right" or "wrong" about Jason or even often how he acts around the other Batfam members, especially if he gets an author who is a fan or if he's just there to be the impulsive hothead who needs others to step in. To some degree, that's just how comics are--every character is written as the dumb idiot sometimes when they're not in their own book. I often Suffer as a Dick Grayson fan or a Tim Drake fan or a Barbara Gordon fan, when I pick up another character's book for them. There can be great appearances in non-titular characters' books! But a lot of the time, when I'm reading, I have to look at the title and go, okay, Blorbo's not going to be treated as well as they should because this isn't their book. And I think that's a big chunk of what happens with Jason, one that gets exacerbated because it's not really clear what his role in the group is meant to be.

(Like, there is a VERY noticeable difference in the way Jason is written in Task Force Z--a book designed to center around him--versus when he shows up in a cameo in another book. Or there is a VERY noticeable difference in the way Dick is written when he cameos in a Batgirls book versus who he's written in his own central title. Comics, you know?) So, you're not wrong that Jason gets written weirdly a lot, but I don't see it as totally unique to his character, because it's somewhat just kind of part of the landscape of comics and somewhat just that Jason gets it more intensely than other characters because he never really had the solidification of who/what he was supposed to be in the comics, like even when Tim is written really badly and they refuse to let him evolve, at least you understand what his role is in the family, so a lot of authors have a baseline for how he should be treated. (And I don't know how well he actually does/doesn't sell comics, which is often a big influence in how a character will get treated in stories they appear in, like Bruce is probably DC's single biggest seller, so he's always going to have a baseline of being intended to be cool and heroic--mileages vary on how that comes off, but I think the intention is there, even when writing him as fucking up sometimes--like Jason is tremendously popular in fandom, but does that actually translate to selling comics? I have no idea.) I think it's fair to say that, look at almost any character in the Batfam, and they'll have a period where a lot of fans feel like they're being written the way you're describing Jason being written right now--I could probably find you people who would say similar things about Dick, Tim, Damian, and Babs right now, too, that they're being written as incompetent and like they need someone to hold their hand just to cross the street without messing it up. But also that you're not wrong that Jason is probably getting the worst of it and it's one of those things that I often have just had to learn to roll with when it comes to comics or else just walk away. (Sooooo many times I had to nearly walk away from comics because I dislike what's happening at a certain point and, often times, I have had to walk away. I walked away from DC because of it. I walked away from X-Men comics because of it. I walked away from Thor comics because of it. It's only recently that I came back to DC to give them another chance and, honestly, I'm only staying because I'm getting what I want for my Blorbo. That's kinda how comics often are, if you're here for a Blorbo, rather than here for the entire roster. /says without judgement, as I know what I am too)

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

Assigning Every Fall Out Boy Song to The Life Series

because i'm a normal person with normal person feelings about fall out boy's discography and the life series. trust me.

“every” is a strong word here because fall out boy's discography is Literally Like 150+ Songs so i’m only doing the songs off their main 8 albums in this post. if enough people ask (which i seriously doubt will happen), i’ll do the eps+remixes as well.

sorry if there is an overabundance of certain characters/a lack of certain characters. i tried to include people are frequently as possible but a: i am inherently biased (though some of my faves are pretty underrepresented), b: not everyone has the same amount of content to draw from because they haven't all been in every season and c: some of these guys are simply not fall out boy characters to me. it's just how it is.

so, under the cut will be, in release order, every fall out boy song assigned to a life series character/event+the lyric that i think best represents why i assigned it.

TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today: DL!Pearl

To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar (to my favorite scar!)/I could have died with you/I hope you choke on those words that kiss that bottle/Confess (so bury me in memory)

Dead on Arrival: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

This is side one, flip me over/I know I'm not your favorite record/The songs you grow to like never stick at first/So I'm writing you a chorus, and here is your verse/No, it's not the last time, 'cause I'd never say no to you/This conversation's still dead on arrival/And there's no way to talk to you/When you're dead on

Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy: DL!Etho (JUST TRUST ME. AND ALSO GO WATCH THE BIT WHERE FINDS OUT BDUBS+IMPULSE ARE SOULMATES)

When I wake up/I'm willing to take my chances on/The hope I'd forget that you hate him more than you notice/I wrote this for you (for you, so…)/You need him, I could be him/I could be an accident, but I'm still trying/And that's more than I can say for him/Where is your boy tonight?/I hope he is a gentleman

Saturday: SL!Gem

Pete and I attacked the laws of Astoria with promise and precision/And mess of youthful innocence/And I read about the afterlife, but I never really lived/More than an hour (More than an hour)/When I say/Two more weeks, my foot is in the door, yeah/I can't sleep, in the wake of Saturday

Homesick at Space Camp: Post 3L!Skizz

Tonight is all about "We miss you" now/These friends are, new friends are golden

Sending Postcards From a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here): Post DL!Joel

Every friend we ever had in common/I will sever the tie, sever the tie with you/You can thank your lucky stars/Everything I wish for will never come true/When you go, I will forget everything about you

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago: LimL!Martyn

You want apologies, girl, you might hold your breath/Until your breathing stops forever, forever/The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips/I hope they taste of me forever

The Pros and Cons of Breathing: DL!Pearl

Woah, I want to hate you half as much as I hate myself/You know that I could crush you with my voice/Stood on my roof and tried to see you/Forgetting about me/Hide the details/I don't want to know a thing

Grenade Jumper: The Heart Foundation

They'll say it's not worth it, so we'll leave this town in ruin/Living like life's going out of style, and you came to watch us play/Like a "big shot talent", but at the end of the day you know/Woah, those busted lips we take back home

Calm Before The Storm: DL!Ren

You said/Between your smiles and regrets/"Don't say it's over"/Dead and gone, dead and gone, yeah

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over: DL!Jimmy and Tango

I can't wake up to these reminders of who I am/A failure at everything, 18 going on extinct/I know my place, it's nowhere you should roam

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes: SL!Jimmy

I'm all ears and I'm all scars/To hear you tell me, "Boys like you, you try too hard/To look not quite as desperate," I'm hanging on/But I still know the way to make your makeup run/So, and when it all goes to Hell, will you be able to tell/Me "sorry" with a straight face?

FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued: 3L!Impulse

We're only liars but we're the best (We're the best)/We're only good for the latest trends/We're only good 'cause you can have almost famous friends/Besides, we've got such good fashion sense

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World: 3L!Ren and Martyn

You only hold me up like this/'Cause you don't know who I really am/Sometimes I just want to know what it's like to be you

Dance, Dance: DL!Bigb and Ren (Ren perspective, also this is specifically applicable most antagonistic moments of their relationship we get, to be clear. This is not the usual approach I take to them.)

You always fold just before you're found out/Drink up it's last call/Last resort, but only the first mistake, and I/I'm two quarters and a heart down/And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds/These words are all I have so I'll write them/So you need them just to get by/Why don't you show me a little bit of spine/You've been saving for his mattress, love

Sugar, We’re Goin Down: Martyn

We're going down, down in an earlier round (Take aim at myself)/And sugar, we're going down swingin' (Take back what you said)/I'll be your number one with a bullet (Take aim at myself)/A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: LL!Cleo

I keep my jealousy close/'Cause it's all mine/And if you say this makes you happy, then I'm not the only one/Lyin'

I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Songs): Joel

Joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of "best friends"/We're the kids who feel like dead ends/And I want to be known for my hits, not just my misses/I took a shot and didn't even come close

7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen): LimL!Grian

Sitting out dances on the wall/Trying to forget everything that isn't you/I'm not going home alone/'Cause I don't do too well on my own

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year: SL!Skizz

We're the therapists pumping through your speakers/Delivering just what you need/We're well-read and poised/We're the best boys/We're the chemists who've found the formula/To make your heart swell and burst/No matter what they say/Don't believe a word

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends: DL!Joel and Etho

Strike us like matches, 'cause everyone deserves the flames/We only do it for the scars and stories, not the fame/At least everyone is trying, everyone is shining/Everyone deserves the flames but it's such a shame, such a shame

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me: Scott

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends/And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again/And I've got arrogance down to a science/Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends, now

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More “Touch Me”: LL!BigB

I confess, I messed up/Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around/And I know you dressed up/"Hey, kid, you'll never live this down"/And you're just the girl all the boys wanna dance with/And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances/I'm sleepin' on your folks' porch again, dreamin'/She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows): DL!Grian and Scar (Scar POV)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)/Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one/And it's mind over you don't, don't matter

XO: LL!Mumbo (Look, this is a stretch, I'll be real, but this song was giving me so much fucking trouble. Let me live.)

To the "love," I left my conscience/Pressed between the pages of/The Bible in the drawer, "What did it ever do for me"/I say/It never calls me when I'm down/Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway/Put your ear to the speaker and choose love or sympathy/But never both, love never wanted me

Snitches and Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers: SL!Tango

Here's a picture with a note, "No, don't turn out like me"/It's only for your own good/No-oh, oh, oh/And haven't you heard, the word on the street is/"I lost it, called it quits," get out into the sun

The Music Or The Misery: LL!Bdubs and Etho (Etho perspective)

I got your love letters, corrected the grammar and sent them back/It's true, romance is dead, I shot it in the chest then in the head/And if you wanna go down in history then I'm your friend/Because they've got me in a band where I've never seen a heart I couldn't break

INFINITY ON HIGH

Thriller: SL!Scar

Last summer, we took threes across the board/But by fall, we were a cover story, "Now in stores"/Make us poster boys for your scene/But we are not making an acceptance speech

“The Take Over, The Breaks Over”: LimL!Cleo

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?/Style your wake for fashion magazines, oh-oh-oh/Widow or a divorcee?/Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend/We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces/We're trapped and well concealed in secret places/We don't fight fair

This Ain’t A Scene. It’s An Arms Race: SL!Scar

I am an arms dealer/Fitting you with weapons in the form of words/And don't really care which side wins/Long as the room keeps singing/That's just the business I'm in

I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You): SL!Jimmy and Martyn

We're the new face of failure/Prettier and younger, but not any better off/Bulletproof loneliness/At best, at best

Hum Hallelujah: LL!Cleo

I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light/A teenage vow in a parking lot/'Til tonight do us part/I sing the blues and you swallow them too/My words are my faith, to hell with our good name

Golden: Joel (LimL especially, but also just in general)

How cruel is the golden rule/When the lives we lived are only golden-plated?/And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me/Though I carried carats for everyone to see/And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies/And all the lovers with no time for me/And all of the mothers raise their babies/To stay away from me

Thnks fr th Mmrs: LimL!BigB and Pearl

Been looking forward to the future/But my eyesight is going bad/And this crystal ball…/It's always cloudy except for (Except for…)/When you look into the past (Look into the past…)/One night stand…/One night stand off!

Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am?: LimL!Skizz

They say quitters never win/But we walk the plank on a sinking ship/There's a world outside of my front door/That gets off on being down/Oh-oh, oh-oh/I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all/And I can't stop feeling sorry for myself, whoa-oh

The (After) Life Of The Party: Scar, again. I don't know what to tell you, this is a very Scar album.

I'm a stitch away from making it/And a scar away from falling apart, apart/Blood cells pixelate and eyes dilate/And the full moon pills got me out on the street at night

The Carpal Tunnel Of Love: LL!Mumbo and Jimmy

Tired yawns for fawns on hunter's lawns/We're the has-beens of husbands/Sharpening the knives of young wives/Take two years and call me when you're better

Bang The Doldrums: DL+LimL!Jimmy and Tango

The tombstones were waiting, they were half-engraved/They knew it was over, they just didn't know the date…/And I cast a spell over the west to make you think of me/The same way I think of you/This is a love song in my own way/Happily ever after below the waist/Best friends, ex-friends 'til the end/Better off as lovers

Fame > Infamy: LL!Joel

I am God's gift, but why would he bless me with/Such wit without a conscience equipped/I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, whoa/There's too much green to feel blue

You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave: This is far from the only FOB song about a sensitive topic but it's one of the like... two that I don't feel comfortable assigning to something.

I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers: DL!BigB

You're a canary, I'm a coal mine/'Cause sorrow is just all the rage/Take one for the team/You all know what I mean/And I'm so sorry but not really/Tell the boys where to find my body

G.I.N.A.S.F.S.: DL!Impulse and Bdubs

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns/I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes/You know, it's strange/It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you/I'm supposed to love you/I've already given up on myself twice/Third time is the charm, third time is the charm/Threw caution to the wind, but I've got a/Lousy arm

It’s Hard To Say “I Do”, When I Don’t: Am I allowed to say this is a Watchers song? I don't care I'm saying it.

I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself, no/So listen carefully to every word I say/I'm the only one who's gonna get away/With making excuses today/You're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have

FOLIE A DEUX

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes: Impulse

Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine/What a match, I'm half-doomed, and you're semi-sweet/So boycott love, detox just to retox/And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life

I Don’t Care: LL!Fairy Fort

Let the leaves fall off in the summer/And let December glow in flames (In flames; oh)/Erase myself and let go/Start it over again in Mexico/These friends, they don't love you/They just love the hotel suites now

She’s My Winona: SL!Martyn

We didn't come to compete, this is a demonstration/Even the young ones become irrelevant/They always bring up how you've changed

America’s Suitehearts: SL!Gem

Let's hear it for America's suitehearts, but I must confess/I'm in love with my own sins/You can bow and pretend that/You don't, don't know you're a legend, oh/Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet

Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet: LimL+SL!Cleo, Bdubs, and Etho

Does your husband know the way that/The sunshine gleams from your wedding band?/Does he know the way, does he know the way/Of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?/But I will never end up like him/Behind my back, I already am

The (Shipped) Gold Standard: LimL!Bdubs

All the yes-men said "No comment"/My mouth got going/The wrong way, and all the calls started snowing/The time my dad caught me a horseshoe crab/And I asked him if throwing it back into the sea would bring our luck back/I wanna scream "I love you" from the top of my lungs/But I'm afraid that someone else will hear me

(Coffee’s For Closers): LL!BigB

Though change will come, oh, change will come/I will never believe in anything again/We will never believe again/Kick drum beating in my chest again/No, we will never believe again/Preach electric to a microphone stand, oh

What A Catch, Donnie: This song is a compilation of different vocalists from bands associated with the band, a compilation of previous songs of theirs, and one of the only FOB ballads. I can't pull a specific lyric, but this one could be solidly used for a compilation/retrospective of every season so far.

27: This is the other one I don't feel comfortable assigning to anything. Moving on.

Tiffany Blews: SL!Lizzie

I'm not a crybaby/I'm the crybaby/A caterpillar that got stuck/Mr. Moth, come quick with any luck/A long walk to a dark house/A Roman candle heart, keep us far apart/I'm cocktail party doin' alright, hate me baby/Maybe I'm a piece of art/Oh, my friends all lie and say/They only want the best wishes for me

w. a. m. s.: LL!Mumbo

I'm a young one stuck in the thoughts/Of an old one's head/When all the others were just stirrin' awake/I'm tryin' to trick myself to fall asleep again, whoa

20 Dollar Nose Bleed: Dogwarts

When I look at the man who would be king, the man who would be king/Goes to the desert, the same war his dad rehearsed/Came back with flags on coffins and said, "We won, oh, we won"/Permanent jet lag, please take me back (Please take me back)/Please take me back, (ooh, ooh)/I'm a stray dog sick, please let me in

West Coast Smoker: SL!Joel

Wishes bounce me weightless/The infrared scope on pointlessness/The bulls are sedated/And this fight's fixed

Pavlove: SL!Tango

Something make my chest stir/Something make my head blur/Oh, oh, I'm not ready for a handshake with death, no/Oh, oh, I'm just such a happy mess, whoa

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

The Phoenix: Team TIES

Bring home the boys in scraps, scrap metal the tanks/Get hitched, make a career out of robbing banks/Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks/"You broke our spirit," says the note we pass

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up): LL!Cleo

I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see/That you're the antidote to everything except for me/Through a constellation of tears on your lashes/Burn everything you love then burn the ashes

Alone Together: The Roomies (Cleo, Etho, and Grian)

I don't know where you're going/But do you got room for one more troubled soul?/I don't know where I'm going/But I don't think I'm coming home/And I said, "I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead"/This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end

Where Did The Party Go: LL!Tango

I'm here to collect your hearts/It's the only reason that I sing/I don't believe a word you say/But I can't stop listening

Just One Yesterday: LL!Bdubs and Etho

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain/Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday/(I know I'm bad news)/For just one yesterday/(I saved it all for you)

The Mighty Fall: DL!Divorce Quartet

Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme and I'm dizzy on dreams/(And I'm dizzy on dreams)/But if you ask me two's a whole lot lonelier than one/Baby, we should have left our love in the gutter where we found it/(Gutter where we found it)/'Cause you think, you think your only crime is that you got caught

Miss Missing You: Impulse and Bdubs (Impulse POV)

Baby, you were my picket fence, I miss missing you now and then/Chlorine kissed summer skin, I miss missing you now and then/Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger/The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger/Oh, we're fading fast, I miss missing you now and then

Death Valley: This is the soundtrack to the LL Battle Royale Finale

We're going to die, it's just a matter of time/Hard times come, good times go/I'm either gone in an instant/Or here 'til the bitter end, I never know

Young Volcanoes: The Heart Foundation

C'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered/Run it up the flag pole/We will teach you how to make boys next door/Out of assholes (Hahaha!)/Tonight, the foxes hunt the hounds/It's all over now

Rat A Tat: LL!Grian and Mumbo (mostly Grian POV)

But I'll take your heart served up two ways/I sing a bitter song/I'm the lonelier version of you/I just don't know where it went wrong

Save Rock And Roll: DL!Pearl

I cried tears you'll never see/So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean, and leave me be/You are what you love, not who loves you/In a world full of the word 'yes', I'm here to scream/No, no (No, no)/Wherever I go, go (go, go)/Trouble seems to follow

AMERICAN BEAUTY/AMERICAN PSYCHO

Irresistible: SL!Gem and Pearl (Gem POV)

Count me in unannounced, drag my nails on the tile/I just follow your scent/You can't just follow my smile/All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine/Cutting me to the bone/Nothing left to leave behind/You ought to keep me concealed just like I was a weapon/I didn't come for a fight but I will fight till the end/This might be your battle, might not turn out okay/You know you look so Seattle, but you feel so LA

American Beauty/American Psycho: LL!Scott

I think I fell in love again/Maybe I just took too much cough medicine/I'm the best worst thing that hasn't happened to you yet/The best worst thing/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/You take the full, full truth, then you pour some out/And you can kill me, kill me or let God sort ‘em out

Centuries: LimL!Martyn

And I can't stop 'til the whole world knows my name/Cause I was only born inside my dreams/Until you die for me, as long as there's a light, my shadow's over you/Cause I am the opposite of amnesia

The Kids Aren’t Alright: The Mounders

It twists my head just a bit to think/All those people in those old photographs I've seen are dead/And in the end/I'd do it all again/I think you're my best friend

Uma Thurman: 3L!Cleo

You'll find your way/And may death find you alive/Take me down the line/In Gem City, we turn the tide

Jet Pack Blues: Impulse and Bdubs

Honey, don't you leave/Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?/It never mattered what it was, I think/Our heads were just that close/The sweetness never lasts, you know

Novocaine: Guess what, it's Joel again. I'm not even a Joel main why is this happening.

In the truly gruesome do we trust/I will always land on you like a sucker punch/Singing I am your worst, I am your worst nightmare

Fourth Of July: LL!Lizzie and Cleo (Lizzie POV)

I said I'd never miss you/But I guess you never know/May the bridges I have burned/Light my way back home on the fourth of July/I wish I'd known how much you loved me/I wish I cared enough to know

Favorite Record: Post DL!Jimmy

You were the song stuck in my head/Every song that I've ever loved/Play it again and again and again/And you can get what you want but it's never enough

Immortals: 3L!Grian and Scar

I am the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass, glass (Glass)/(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)/Oh, I try to picture me without you, but I can’t/'Cause we could be immortals/Immortals/Just not for long, for long/And live with me forever now/Mmm, pull the blackout curtains down/Just not for long, for long

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel In NYC): SL!Martyn and Jimmy

I just need enough of you to dull the pain/Just to get me through the night 'till we're twins again/'Til we're stripped down to our skeletons again/'Til we're saints just swimming in our sins again/And there's a jet black crow droning on and on and on/Up above our heads droning on and on and on/Keep making trouble 'til you find what you love/I need a new partner in crime and you, you shrug that

MANIA

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea: 3L!Ren

I'm 'bout to go Tonya Harding on the whole world's knee/And I'm stuck, night vision, so stuck, night vision/But I come to life, come to life/Some princes don't become kings/Even at the best of times, I'm out of my mind/You only get what you grieve

The Last Of The Real Ones: Bdubs

My head is stripped, just like a screw that's been tightened too many times/When I think of you, when I think of you/I will shield you from the waves if they find you/I will protect you, I will protect you/Just tell me, tell me, tell me I, I am the only one/Even if it's not true, even if it's not true, yeah

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T: DL+LimL!Etho and Joel

I got too high again, realized I can't not be with you/Or be just your friend, I love you to death, but I just can't/I just can't pretend, we weren't lovers first/Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends?/But when your stitch comes loose, I wanna sleep on/Every piece of fuzz and stuffing that comes out of you/You, I took too many hits off this memory/I need to come down/An-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nother day goes by/So hold me tight, hold me tight, or don't/Oh n-n-no, no, this isn't how our story ends

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): LL!Bdubs

There's nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you (but you)/Than to be loved by everybody but you, (but you) but you/If I could get my shit together/I'm gonna run away and never see any of you again/Never see any of you again/I hope the roof flies off and we get blown out into space/I-I always make such expensive mistakes

Church: SL!Lizzie

I love the world/But I just don't love the way it makes me feel/Got a few more fake friends/And it's getting hard to know what's real/And if death is the last appointment/Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room (Mr. Stump?)/I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

Heaven’s Gate: LimL!Skizz (right at the end)

I got dreams of my own, but I want to make yours come true/So please come through, honey please, please come through/Oh, go out in the world, start over again and again/As many times as you can

Champion: SL!Pearl

I got rage every day, on the inside/The only thing I do is sit around and kill the time/I'm trying to blow out the pilot light/I'm trying to blow out the light/I'm just young enough to still believe, still believe/But young enough not to know what to believe in/Young enough not to know what to believe/If I can live through this, if I can live through this/If I can live through this, I can do anything

Sunshine Riptide: LL!Scott

The world tried to burn all the mercy outta me/But you know I wouldn't let it/It tried to teach me the hard way, I can't forget it

Young And Menace: LimL!Martyn

We've gone way too fast for way too long/And we were never supposed to make it half this far/And I lived so much life, lived so much life/I think that God is gonna have to kill me twice

Bishops Knife Trick: Bad Boys

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/It doesn't wanna live in a cage, a feeling that I can't housebreak/And I'm yours 'til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll/Away, I'm struggling to exist with you and without you, yeah

SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST

Love From The Other Side: SL!Etho

I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh, got to give up/Get the feeling, get the feeling, don't fight it, fight it/Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse/And I just about snapped, don't look back/Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand

Heartbreak Feels So Good: 3L!Grian

Is there a word for bad miracle?/Nobody said the road was endless/Nobody said the climb was friendless/But could we please pretend this won't end?

Hold Me Like A Grudge: DL!Pearl

(You put the "fun" into dysfunction)/Hold me, hold me like a grudge/The world is always spinning, and I can't keep up, woah/Faster and faster, can't do it on my own/Part-time soulmate, full-time problem, yeah/So hold me like a grudge

Fake Out: SL!Lizzie

But I didn't take the love when I had the chance/But I swear I'm not sad anymore/So make no plans and none can be broken/No plans and none can be broken/Do you laugh about me whenever I leave?/Or do I still need more therapy?

Heaven, Iowa: 3L!Scar

And they don't know how much they’ll miss/At least until you're gone like this/Talking to the mirror, say, "Save your breath/Half your life you've been hooked on death"

So Good Right Now: DL!Bdubs

And I know, I know I've made mistakes, yeah/And I know, I know, but at least they were mine to make/They were mine to make/And all of our wildest dreams, they just end up with a-you and me/So, let's drive until the engine just gives out

The Pink Seashell: Ok, I cannot pull a lyric for this because it is the world’s most specific monologue, but the general message of it (“Life is a lottery and bad shit happens all the time, so might as well find happiness in the good things, even the small things.”) feels like it could be Skizz. Just trust me. This one is so fucking difficult.

I Am My Own Muse: LimL!Jimmy

Here I am, not sure you should take a chance/I like playin' dumb, lettin' you figure me out/But I was faded, in my own defense/So, drop a bomb on all the things we dreamed about

Flu Game: SL!Joel

Last night I dreamt I still knew you/You/I carved out a place in this world for two/But it's empty without you/I got all this love I've got to keep to myself/All this effort to make it look effortless

Baby Annihilation: Scott

The first time I took the mask off, just had another one on underneath

The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years): LimL+ SL!Martyn (but mostly LimL)

Passed my old street, the house I grew up in/It breaks your heart, but four of the Ramones are dead/I felt you at the beginning, but needed you at the end/We're goin' low, low, low, low

What A Time To Be Alive: SL!Bigb

When, when, when I said, "Leave me alone", this isn't quite what I meant/I got the quarantine blues, bad news, what's left?/So, it seems the vulture's gettin' too full to fly, oh/What a time to be alive

So Much (For) Stardust: Ren

I'm in a winter mood, dreamin' of spring now/Burnin' myself down, burnin' myself down, burnin'/I feel like something that's been stretched out over and over again/Until I'm creased, and I'm about to break down the middle/Split me right down the middle, right, right down the middle, yeah

[jessicas-pi]

ONE person asked and so now i'm doing it again: more incorrect quotes, time heals edition (part 1 cause there's gonna be more)

Obi-Wan: Where’s Ahsoka? Anakin: Doing stuff. Obi-Wan: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Sabine? Anakin: Trying to stop Ahsoka from doing the stuff. Obi-Wan: And Jacen? Anakin: Trying to stop Sabine from stopping Ahsoka from doing the stuff. Obi-Wan: I see. And what are you doing here, Anakin? Anakin: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Jacen from stopping Sabine from stopping Ahsoka from doing the stuff.

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*Everyone is giving advice to Obi-Wan* Sabine: It's okay to ask for help. Ahsoka: You're not a burden. Anakin: Murder is okay. Jacen: Your feelings matter.

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Zhaya: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.

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Store Worker: Would a “Sabine” please come to the front desk? Sabine, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker, pointing to Ahsoka and Jacen: I believe they belong to you? Ahsoka and Jacen, simultaneously: We got lost. Sabine: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

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*At 79s* Sabine: Ladies do not start fights BUT THEY CAN FINISH THEM.

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[Sabine, running from a rock monster] Anakin, through the comm: You're just going to have to kill it. Sabine: Kill it? Well, I'm open to any suggestions. Anakin: Go for the eyes! Sabine: He doesn't have any eyes, Anakin! Anakin: Go for the mouth, then, the throat, his vulnerable spots! Sabine: IT'S A ROCK! IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY VULNERABLE SPOTS! Zhaya, grabbing the comm from Anakin: I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

---

Sabine, trying to avoid explaining how she knows the future: Don't ask me what I'm talking about. I don't know, okay? I'm just the vessel. The message has been gifted. I've moved on.

---

Cody: What's wrong with you? Sabine: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of maternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

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Satine: Guys, I have a question. Bo-Katan: kys <3 Satine, deadpan: I love you too. Sabine: Ah, yes. Siblings.

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Mace: I hope you have an explanation for this. Jacen: We have three actually. Ahsoka: Pick your favorite.

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Sabine: Am I too late for Obi-Wan’s panic attack? [Obi-Wan hides his face in despair] Sabine: Apparently not!

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Sabine: Could you be any more annoying? Shipper: Yes.

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Anakin: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions. Jacen: Ridiculous. Give me some examples. Obi-Wan: Wasps? Sabine: Terriers? Anakin: Ahsoka.

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Sabine: Why is there blood everywhere? Bo-Katan: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Sabine: You stabbed someone?! Bo-Katan: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

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Jacen: Here’s a fun Life Day idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it. Mace: Jacen... no. Ashoka: Mistlefoe! Mace: Please stop encouraging him. Jacen and Ahsoka, together: SOMEONE'S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED!

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Anakin: I'm not creepy. Anakin: I'm petty. Anakin: There's a difference, ya' know.

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Kidnapper: I have one of your kids. Obi-Wan: Which one? I have four. Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up. Obi-Wan: Which one? I have four. Anakin, distantly: HEY!!!

---

Sabine: What’s it like being tall? Sabine: Is it nice? Sabine: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards? Anakin: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want. Ahsoka: It was one time!

---

Wyvern: Are you nuts? Shipper: Jury's out.

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Jacen: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible teenager here. Sabine: Ahsoka is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Jacen. Ahsoka: I feel like Jacen is the more responsible one of us two though. Jacen: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control. Ahsoka: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.

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and last but not least,

Ezra: What’s up? I’m back. Sabine: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Ezra: Death is a social construct.