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fanficwriterlover · 7 months

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My Choice Our Consequence

Chapter 2 (Part 1) : Big News to All

Summary : Hera has returned home, yet your absence has put a damper on the taskforce 141. Everyone is confused of your absence and it takes a lot of getting used to being a civilian now and being pregnant now.

Expectations: Confessions, Past Smut, Shooting, Cursing, Pregnancy, Reveals, Reconnecting, Smoking, Drinking, Assault, Google Translator etc.

Call-Sign: Hera or Lil Light

Word Count: 6.7k

A03 Version

Ghost’s POV

Quit ? You ? That almost seems impossible to believe. He composes himself once more looking at Price for any sign of misunderstanding. But who was he kidding, this sort of topic isn’t something Price would make up into the thin of air let alone joke about. He could tell this was taking a heavy toll on him, as if this was the last thing he would’ve expected. As he should, because he probably was unaware that it was due to him scolding her for making her quit. Least, that’s what he told himself. His eyes narrow seeing the paper before Price, it was your resignation form. You filled it out yesterday and gave it to him. He stood for the longest time processing, had his words been too harsh ? Should be have approached you yesterday and apologized for what he said to you. Yet, Price was the one to pull him from his thoughts… “I was hoping she wouldn’t go about it this way…unless you had a hand in the decision?” he cocks his brow at him waiting. But from the sound of it, why was he asking as if the two of you talked as if you both needed approval from another ? “Sir ?” he was confused, why would he make a decision for you ? Obviously this made Price eyes widen “She didn’t say or mention anything to you ?” he then narrows his eyes on Ghost, Ghost was just as confused as he cocked a brow, crossing his arms over his chest “Should I have been aware of a choice the Sargent had made on her own accord ?” Price huffs at that rubbing his forehead, something was eating at him… like he knew something that Ghost didn’t knows. However he seems to brush it under “Nevermind Simon…I thought you two may have discussed or something before she wrote in her resignation.” He sighs at this leaning back in his chair grabbing a cigar and his lighter. Stressed. This wasn’t at all what they were expecting from you. Out of everyone you were the most driven and dedicated to staying with the taskforce. You saw them as family, and felt accepted. Ghost couldn’t help but feel slightly, disappointed? When he said those words to you, he expected you to more prove him wrong…but guess you didn’t. Yet, why is it bothering him so much that you didn’t. He looks back at the Captain “Sir…was there something I should know" he asks curiously watching the Captains movement as he took a drag of his smoke yet eventually landing his eyes back on him. “Honestly, it’s not my place to say Simon. But, when the time is right, I’m sure you’ll get the answer.” He sighs heavily, Ghost could see traces of stress in his voice that the very idea they’ve lost another member would take a toll. And it would, being asked into this taskforce is no easy deal. You’d be a hard person to replace, and quite frankly it’s too soon for it.

Ghost takes his leave from Prices office, he lingers by the door for a moment processing his words and his own with you. This felt like horrible timing, he wished he knew where you live so he could snap some sense into you. Maybe Johnny or Gaz knows where you live ? Perhaps he should see how they’re handling the news if they know about it. Surely she would’ve said goodbye to her best friends ? Though it’s odd that she didn’t even give Price a chance to coax her otherwise, and why wasn’t Price making efforts to get her back? For her to even leave would’ve required a signature approving her reason to depart, therefore someone higher rank has given it to her. But who ?

He trudges down the halls of the bunkers then sees one of the doors wide open, deep down he knew exactly who the room belonged to, well had, as he stands in front of the doorframe, your room. He can see that the room is a bare state now. The bed perfectly tucked and made, with an extra blanket laying at the end, folded neatly, with the pillow at the top fluffed up. From the desk cleaned with even some new pencils and pens in a cup and blank sheets of papers laid neatly, obviously done for the next person to inherit this room. He couldn’t help but be reminded of how the two of you spent that night together. It was a moment he let himself go, let Ghost go, and brought out Simon. He felt vulnerable to your touch yet felt the power that always coursed through you spread through him. Yet now, as he stands in the middle of your room, it’s cold, empty, lifeless. It feels more as if you were killed off never to be seen again. That made it feel worse. The fact that you made a room warm would be loss now. But most of all, he didn’t realize how dark his vision had become without your energy . You bright aura that shined so dominantly, it gave Ghost a headache sometimes because he was never used to such a sight. No matter when you’ve been shot at, stabbed, nearly blown up (as he still remembers the incident like it was yesterday). Every hellish moment, he was there with you during them saving you at the last minute or finding you. Even then, you never, ever, let it diminish your light. He takes in his surroundings once more, before silently leaving the bunker as he walked out the door he could hear the familiar footfall patterns of two Sargent’s obviously coming down probably to collect you. Instead they are faced with a skull mask.

Gaz curses in a mumble and Johnny practically jumps when Ghost steps out through the room. They both were obviously not expecting the looming man to step from your bedroom, but Gaz quickly recovers. “Afternoon sir, is y/n up ? We hadn’t seen her in a while and thought she was cooping herself up in there.” They both look at him expectantly he frowns a bit, it was a fleeting moment one neither would’ve caught as he now knew, that not only did you leave somehow with approval and never told himself or maybe the captain but you didn’t even tell your closest friends. The Sargent’s. He looks away from them glancing down to the other way of the hall saying gruffly “You won’t find ‘er ‘ere. She resigned from the taskforce.” He could hear the sharp intake of Soap and as he glances at them with his arms crossed now, they both are wide eyed and shocked. Soap is the first to speak “What ?! I don’t fuckin’ believe it !” he peeks into your once room, seeing how bare it is, he start rummaging through everything as if looking for any sign that just maybe, maybe, you left for a bit and would return. He flung open your closet where your clothes used to hang but it was empty, except for extra hangers on the pole and extra blankets, towels, etc laying on the top shelf. Gaz stands there stunned yet, sadden as Soap still seems to refuse you’ve left as he curses “Fuck !” his efforts are to no a vail. You had cleaned out your bunker spotlessly, there was no practical evidence of you living here for all these years. And that’s what hurt more. Gaz mumbles softly. “She didn’t even say bye…nothing…” he almost whispers it. Ghost could tell it was tearing the inside of Gaz. You two were hip and bone. He remembers when the two of you found out that you were part of the same taskforce exclaiming how you both met on a mission in Paris and you were aiding Gaz’s team to collecting more Intel. So seeing that not only were they not told of your soon departure but you had left without a word to your friend. Ghost breaks the annoying silence, in some cases he would’ve enjoyed it, but it was painful now, usually you were the one to break the moment with your cheerful demeanor and made everyone forget what they were glooming or stressing about. Now you were gone. The effects obvious now. “Soap, Gaz, you two are needed to train the privates. Should get to it Sargent’s.” He watches as they both seem to straighten up at the order, walking out of your once room slowly, Gaz lingering last as Ghost observed him. “Did she not say anything to you Lt ?” he still looking at the room but glances his way as Ghost meets his eyes, “No.” Gaz nods his head painfully, almost having to accept the reality, he took his leave of the room leaving Ghost last. He takes one last look, a reminder of the place he seen her so many times, before leaving. He shut the door to your room then went to his office to get some work done. Maybe, just maybe, he hoped they’d see you again. Maybe you would come back ?

Your Pov

Honestly it was scary leaving, the base was your home for so long. Wearing your military attire was all you’ve ever known., yet now you were dressed as a civilian in a cab heading back. Already you felt butterflies in your stomach, it was thanks to Laswell for making the changes and approving you resignation and to leave the base. Already driving home, you were about three hours from your home and already excited to see your mother. You had called ahead to let your mother know you’ll be returning home which she was ecstatic to know you’ll be home. She just didn’t know you were pregnant and you had to leave the taskforce because of it. That was a conversation you were dreading. Your mother being a single mother and raising you on her own, had always wanted you to do better than her. She made the mistake in dating your father who had one too many issues that your mother to this day refuses to share the details. All you knew was you mother hightailed as far as possible, dishonored by her own parents for being knocked up before marriage and choosing to keep you. Yet to her, you were a blessing. You gave her motivation to keep living and honestly embrace motherhood. You were never a complicated child, sure as you got older you rebelled but you respected your mother above all else. She inspired you to join the military because you saw her as fearless and determined as a soldier. The moment you hit 16, things were getting harder financially so you asked her, no pleaded with her to let you join the service. Of course emotionally she refuses but you had encouraged telling her how it was your wish, even though you simply joined to support your mother. Every paycheck you received went to your mother. And you made certain she was given it on time. This allowed your mother and you to look into a new home that was more suitable than a dingy old flat. You both ended up saving up on a nice townhouse that had more rooms than your old flat. It was a three bedroom two bath, a decent size kitchenette, living, and one office. One bedroom is upstairs and the other is upstairs next to the office.

You knew immediately that the third bedroom will likely become your unborn child’s bedroom. A part of you seemed excited to prepare for the baby but another part of you terrified, you left at a crucial time for the team. You would have gone on a mission to eliminate and it was a top priority but now with you out, and no reason to be allowed to return for a long while it broke your heart to think that you’ll be looked at differently. Definitely probably in the eyes of the Lieutenant, you knew he took betrayal seriously and to him you’re probably certain he believes you did just that.

Sighing heavily you rub your brows you draw closer and closer to home, passing by valley, meadows, woods, homes, farmlands and more each passing by in a haze. It’s almost hard to imagine that this world is peaceful when there’s war raging elsewhere. Knowing exactly your team will be giving their lives for this exact peace while you would not be there to see it through. You don’t realize how much driving gone by until you see a familiar street, as your driver turns down it. Your home, how it seemed unfamiliar, all the rows of homes lined up nicely in different shades it was emotional seeing it once more. When the driver finally pulls to the front of your driveway you nearly suck in a breath. Seeing your home digits on the door as you can seeing your mother’s car in the driveway. You smile to yourself, opening your purse you grab out the cash to pay the driver, adding an extra tip for the ride as he gets out to pull out your duffle bag. You travel light, you didn’t have much anyways. Taking it in hand you thank him as he then drives off.

Standing in your driveway it felt unreal, you never thought you’d come home honestly. With always being on mission you honestly thought you’d die on the field before you ever could be home again. As sad as that reality was, you were always away. From one base to another it never ended. And Laswell always needed your for a mission so it was impossible to be in one place for long. Which you didn’t mind, however, sometimes you were homesick or close to facing death. You don’t know how long you were staring at your apartment but the next thing you knew, the door to your home flies open, your eyes quickly snap in that direction, immediately thinking your mother must’ve seen you through the window. She was in pure tears rushing down the three steps as you began to get emotional to “Mom!” you cry as she tightly embraces you you don’t remember dropping your duffle bag you’re just overwhelmed, she’s crying holding you and it makes you feel so loved once again. “Oh my god ! Y/n !” She sniffles as she strokes your cheek looking at your face you had one tiny scar over the top of your brow nothing serious, least not compared to the ones on your body as she hugs you again “I thought you wouldn’t get here for another hour ?” she smiles at you happily taking in that you’re in front of her as you laugh softly “Well, that would ruin the element of surprise.” You wipe your eyes but she immediately begins to do so too before wiping her own. “Come ! Let’s get you inside ! Oh I just can’t believe my little girls home !” you smile bashfully, knowing it’s not the only thing you brought home. Yet you followed your mother waist to waist carrying your duffle as you entered your home.

Couple Hours Later

It doesn’t take you long to settle into your room, your mother insists on making you a grand meal upon your arrival and had even already contacted your Uncle Daryl to come see you. You were his only niece and favorite. He raised you as if you were his own daughter so hearing he’ll be arriving made you smile. As you walked around your place you couldn’t help but smile seeing the pictures hung of the two of you when you were much younger. It almost made you hope you could share the same experiences with your own child…This also made you come to the conclusion that you’ll have to tell your mother and uncle about your unplanned pregnancy. The thought made your stomach feel more acidic, but you kept it down in your stomach. Though the thought quickly left your mind when you nearly jumped from your seat upon hearing the front door open abruptly. Turning your head you see your Uncle Daryl, who obviously out of breath and eyes scanning the place until he sees YOU.

The tears prick at the corner of your eye as you stand up and he takes long strides to meet in the middle. Embracing you in a tight hug. You missed him. Your mother sneaks a peek seeing the two of you embracing as she also starts to get emotional and comes in to join the hug. Your family. One you sometimes forget because you’re so consumed in your job. You don’t know how long the three of you hold each other, or who was the first to withdraw but you sniffle wiping your eyes then smile “Good seeing you Uncle,” he huffs smiling back with the biggest one, showing his dimples. He was your mother’s big brother, so of course he looked after the two of you. He too was part of the military, the Air Force to be exact, and he was another inspiration for you to joining the military. Yet you never imagined you’d be in more dangerous situations than him. “Good seeing you again lil lumière.(little light)” He seems to do a quick scan over you, probably looking for any kind of wounds, which fortunately are in areas well hidden so you thanked your lucky stars. Otherwise he would’ve gone on a rant about how unwise you decided to join the most dangerous type of work. Honestly you were glad you could share a bit with him, of course not classified information but it helped to share her struggles and things only he would understand and handle emotionally better than your mother could. “Momma, is making our favorite tonight.” You giggle seeing his eyes widen with excitement “Oh you shouldn’t have Monica ! Hell, I’m trying to keep this old body still in shape and you trying to fatten me up !” he laughs at this which your mother playfully whacks him on the arm “Only thing fattening you up Daryl is your wine.” You couldn’t help but stifle a snort as he looks at you to her offended “Sorry Unc, she’s got a point.” He grumbles in French, which you caught a little how he says we disgrace the French tongue. However your mother rolls her eyes and goes on her way to continue cooking as you go to sit down with your uncle. “So…what brought you back ? And I don’t want to hear,” as he uses the air quotes incorrectly “That you wanted a vacay. I know you better than that.” He leans close as he was seated across from you in a lounge chair waiting for your response. You shift in your sheet, his narrowing eyes felt the same as your Captain. Which would make sense because your Uncle was once the Commander of his unit. “Well…I resigned from the taskforce…” his eyes shoot wide open, obviously shocked. Yet he goes straight back to composing himself narrowing then once again “Why ?” it came out gruff and you felt like you were on the pedestal being scolded by your homeroom teacher. “I-, I wanted to tell you both honestly…not just one of you.” He cocks his head to the side confused, what you didn’t know was your mother was ease dropping in the conversation as she steps out with concern written on her face “What is it sweetie ?” your uncle seems to be processing and calculating different reasons why you would have resigned from the taskforce, let alone been allowed to. You could practically see the gears in his brain churning with every possibility. You must’ve been holding your breath because you quickly blurted out “I’m pregnant.”

In a quick huff you take in both your uncle and moms facial. Complete shock. Your uncle seems to be going between your eyes and stomach almost probably finding it hard to believe and possibly questioning how along are you because you sure as hell didn’t look it “3 weeks…I’m three weeks pregnant.” Biting your lower lip you couldn’t help but feel anxious with the growing silence between the two as you spoke “Look, I know it’s horrible timing. It wasn’t exactly intentional… and I’ll be allowed back in the task force once the baby is born but the station chief made the call and got me out so no one would question my absence.” You pant out, you said it so quickly your mother must’ve been confused on some parts but her eyes were welling up and it made you more worry that it was because of disappointment “I- I know…I’m so-” your mother latches herself around your neck hugging you as your left dumbfounded as she speaks softly stroking your hair “Oh sweetie, if you’re happy with having this child, I’ll sport and help you. You have NOTHING to apologize for.” she looks you dead in the eyes and you feel a sense of warmth. You should’ve known, your mother would walk through hell with you and trust you entirely. You’ve done nothing but look after her and provide her a good life, so she was beyond willing to do the same for you and your child. You glance over at your uncle who seems to be processing, as he says lowly “I knew something was different about you kid…” you and your mom look at him confused as you never felt nervous until you saw him smile. “You’re glowing as much as your mother did when she was pregnant with you mi lumière” he stands up and comes over rubbing your back at you give him the most appreciative smile “Thank you… both of you” felt like a weight came off your shoulder. Telling them was a big deal and knowing they’d still support you made you feel so much better. You Uncle then looks serious at you “So, do I want to know who the âne (jackass) of a father to this baby is ?” You mother once again reaches over and whacks your uncle who curses “Qu’est-ce que c’est que Monica ?!(What the hell Monica)” you begin laughing as your mother giggles, with your uncle huffing in mild amusement. “Well ?” he cocks his brow looking at you as you blush a bit “I- I can’t tell you yet, but I promise he’s a good man…in his own way.” He squints his eyes at you questioning your choice of words “If that’s so…why isn’t he here ?” obviously your mother senses you tense from the subject giving a glare in your uncle’s direction “What Daryl means is ! As long as he’s a good man we’re happy” he grumbles a bit “Bien sûr Bien sûr (Of course of course) , but why isn’t he here with you meeting us ?” he cocks his brow again as you sigh knowing he won’t be letting go “Because…I didn’t tell him exactly he’s going to be a father…”he rubs his face with both hands obviously more stressed. Your mother seems taken back by this news as she tentatively asks “Why not sweetie ?”

A good question indeed, honestly the idea of telling them the father is your Lieutenant would sending your uncle to his grave early. And no, not from the idea but simply because you know he’d be yelling his hat off to Ghost and would likely get himself well handed to him. Sighing heavily “I didn’t get a chance, they were preparing for a mission.” You’d hope they’d buy it, your mother seems to have. But your uncle ? Hah, impossible he could read you like a book and as he should considering he used to be a commander. You mother claps her hands together standing up “Well ! This is a cause for pie then and I’ll need to run to store to collect some stuff. Write a list dear, I know those growing cravings will get to you soon.” She smiles with delight going back into the kitchen leaving you with your uncle.

He stares at you for a few moments as if waiting to make sure your mother was actually in the kitchen continuing to cook. When he’s satisfied, hearing the clattering of pots and pans against the stove or her bustling through the fridge for ingredients he then speaks lowly “So, what’s the real reason the father doesn’t know?” he squints his eyes at you, felt more like an interrogation then question, however you probably wouldn’t be surprised he’s using his Commander tone in order to get an answer from you. In all honesty it worked. “Because his my superior officer. I was told to tell him but quite honestly I don’t think he would’ve…” you bite your tongue considering your next words tentatively “I don’t think he could handle having a child. He barely knows himself.” You say softly. Hoping your uncle wouldn’t pry further. Which he wouldn’t. He understood every soldier has traumatic experiences in the military especially being in the SAS. He had no doubt you’ve seen things he would’ve rather your eyes never witnessed. With that answer he nods his head. “Well…one of these days you need to tell him. Perhaps you’d be more surprised by the outcome.” He pauses for a moment stroking his chin and looking out the window “If I’m being honest y/n, I think telling the father would make him better. I know when Monica told me, I was horrified for her. But then,” He smiles “Then when you were born it all changed. Before you I was short tempered and…” he grumbles “Not gentle with my choice of words which I got a firm scolding from Monica during his hormonal stages.” The idea your mother would have yelled seems hard to believe, even when you did wrong she never raised her voice at you. “Tell him one day y/n. I think your child deserves that chance at least.” Pondering on his words he leaves the room to go help your mother continue cooking with you contemplating on his words.

Maybe you should…perhaps ? What’s the worst that can happen ? He rejects you once again ? Tells you your on your own when you’ve already mentally accepted that fate ? Maybe your uncle is right, you don’t know. Ghost is still a mystery to you. Sometimes he’s snappy and harsh to others especially during missions. But you know he means well. Infact you couldn’t help but think about the times he was more…nicer to you. Like the time you were at the shooting range you were working with different weapons at the time, but particularly was working with a heavy set rifle that always made you sore in the shoulders…

You huff annoyed after having pulled the trigger on this rifle. It was bulky and heavy, when it fired it sent a painful ache up your shoulder upon impact. Now usually your preferred rifle was lighter and easier to handle the impact into your shoulder. Yet this one, this one was so big and bulky, the idea of carrying it onto the field seemed impossible. You’re only average height standing 5’7, which apparently to everyone else is very small since you usually get picked on. However, you always made up for your size with your agile self and quickness. If a bigger opponent used their full strength you had to be quicker. It’s why you did so well on the field especially hand to hand combat. You had you fair share of training with other recruits, privates, and Sargent’s McTavish and Garrick. Soap always gave you a run for your money but you always held your ground. Yet, you never dared to attempt against ghost. He was a forced to be recon with. You seen soap spar with him and seeing the big brute of the Scottish man easily subdued was terrifying.

Withdrawing your gaze from the scoop you grab the binoculars to inspect how well you shot it, not a bulleye, you hit right outside it. You were close…but it wasn’t good enough. A mere inches off is enough to give the enemy time to fire a shot back at you or detonate you and your team. The progress you’ve made with the weeks of practicing seemed futile. You almost were considering telling price you were not cut out for this particular mission which required you to be watching soaps six while ghost would be overwatch. Why they were making you go, you understood. They wanted to get in quick only relying on stealth and to not attract attention. Not saying ghost would, but his large stature would give way to the enemies quickly. Yet, you’ve seen him infiltrate buildings with ease but this mission was hoping to shed no blood shed. Sighing heavily you lean away from the table, “you keep gripping it like that you’ll never hit your target right.” The words from a deep voice made you almost jump, as you quickly reached for your knife quickly swing it behind you, only for your wrist to be caught, inches from ghosts looming neck. You let out a shaky voice “Lieutenant..” You were embarrassed now, relaxing your stance as he releases his hold on your wrist before looking right over your head where you had missed your target once more already having hit it 7 times to no avail. “When you fire don’t fight against the shot, you tense alters your movement when looking through scope.” He nods his head “Try again.” You raise a brow at him but obey. Not like you’d ignore your lieutenants orders. Facing back and getting into position, you then start to feel his hand readjust your stance, it was subtle, he used his boot to nudge your feet, he used his gloved hand to fix your elbow, then poke at your shoulder to moving it back and relax. When he seemed content after fixing your stance he simply grunts an approval. His back leaning against the table as you take the shot. It felt different, not as abrupt when the bullet launched your whole body seemed to absorb it better, and when you lift your gaze from the scope to look at where it hit you see you finally hit the bulleye. You’re shocked …you made the shot, but that’s not what was shocking to you, ghost helped you make it. Glancing up at him, his posture was looking at the base but his eyes were gazing down at you. “Not bad.” He mumbles before pushing off the table and walking off. You’re left stunned but appreciative. He didn’t have to help you, let alone adjust your stance. You began continuing to practice doing that stance until the day of the mission. Honestly, it paid off.

Now that that you’re thinking back on it, perhaps that’s when you began to notice other subtle gestures Ghost would show to you. At first you just thought it was his way of correcting you but now maybe…it was perhaps he cared enough to do so. He never took the time to do that with other recruits or privates. So maybe ? Perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt at least give him the chance to see if he wants to be a part of your child’s life. For now…you’ll wait. You’re certain by now they’re deciding best course of action eliminating General Ghorbani, that was the mission you were tasked to go with Ghost yet instead you’re dealing with his unborn child growing in your stomach. Probably best to wait it out. Though one thing is certain, you owe it to Soap and Gaz…

Few Months After Eliminating General Ghorbani

Ghost’s POV

Recently Ghost was just filling out paperwork, having to write down everything that happened per week for higher ups to see from different points of view. Gaz had gone back to his original base, working to get some intel and Soap, he knew he’d be returning tonight. Felt like everyone had gone their own way. Just the thought of how everyone seemed to slowly fade away made Ghost tense. First you, then Gaz, then Soap, and Price. He knew they’d return but the idea he was surrounded by no one he trusts made it hard. A part of him would never blatantly say it out loud but, the minute you left there was nothing holding them together now. Metaphorically you were the chip on a glass cup that kept everyone together, the minute you fell off the rest soon cracked.

During your absence, he would never admit, he spent every opportunity dwelling on his words to you. He wondered if you hated him so much that you turned on them all because of his choice of words. He felt like a bloody idiot for saying them. The only reason he said it, he had hoped to cut his own feelings for you. It was never to doubt your abilities. Far from it, he knew what an asset you were to the team. Besides your bubbly personality and calmness during tense times you were a skilled fighter. He seen you take down a man not as big as himself, but fairly tall as Soap and you easily had the man struggling to keep up having the man shift to a defense stance. You were a sight when in a fight. In fact it was almost alarmingly attractive to Ghost seeing a women so lean yet small hold your own. The image of you from that night often played in his mind, it was torturous. He can hear how you moaned out his name, arching your back from the immense pleasure and begging him to keep going and give you more. It’s been 5 months…5 long grueling months and not a minute of breather. It’s hard to believe how much he needed your presence, how you kept him sane when not out in the field, in his zone. Sometimes he wondered how he would cope with the life of mundane lively hood. Were you living such ? Knowing what you know and have seen out in the world, did you forget it all ? Did you let your guard down ?

That’s when other thoughts, ones he absolutely hated crossed his mind. Did you find someone ? Probably by now, no doubt in his mind you found a bloody bloke who is a lucky bastard to have such a fearless yet regal women. The mere thought of you walking hand in hand with a man who probably could never protect you as well as you could yourself. But no, the idea that HE wasn’t the one protecting you even though you weren’t a damsel in distress. The urge to always protect you in the field was natural instincts for him. He didn’t realize he was gripping his pen tightly until it snapped. Looking at the broken piece of plastic he let go pushing back from his chair simply looking at his hands.

For years, since he was a mere teenager, he only saw himself capable of fighting. Then when he became a soldier all he could think about was killing. Yet when you joined the taskforce and he had himself between your legs, he could see he could perhaps also be gentle. You brought that innocent Simon Riley out of him, the boy who couldn’t fight against his father’s abuse. Couldn’t stand up for his mother when his father was a drunken state. Yet you, you reminded him that he was very much Ghost and Simon. His hands could touch your perfectly smooth skin gently tracing every inch of you, getting the most pleasurable reaction he ever heard. Yet he could also be rough just enough to send you over the edge and begging, clawing him for more.

Grumbling to himself, he pulls out his packet of cigarettes, grabbing one. Lifting his mask just over his nose, he then put the wrapped piece in his mouth then lighting it. He took a drag before puffing out the smoke, the nicotine hitting him hard as he shut his eyes. He did everything in his power to find a way to look to where you were. But even with his rank, he was limited to much. Couldn’t access the full extent to your file as most of your information was black. Not as covered as his but enough for him to be annoyed with because he bloody couldn’t stand he didn’t know where you were if you’re still alive and how he can contact you. This was an annoying addiction that drove him crazy. Where the fuck were you ?

Gaz POV

Honestly seeing the number pop up on his screen while he was in his bunker on a base near London he frowned at bit. It was his personal phone yet only few people could access it since it was a secured number that could not be traced. So he answered “Ello ?” waiting for a response he almost thought it was someone playing a practical prank on him until he heard a soft familiar voice “Hey Kyle…”, you. He was utterly stunned, his throat felt tight and his heart beating hard. “The fuck…y/n ?” you let out a tired laugh as he felt his heart flutter. “Yeah, it’s me silly. How are you ?” you seemed shy, but the same soft spoken as ever. He didn’t know how long he must’ve been silent but it obviously must’ve made you question “Kyle ? You still alive there bud ?” he snorts “Yeah Yeah, I’m just…wow. I’m shocked if I’m honest. How about you ?” you sigh a bit, he could hear you sounded exhausted. Were you not sleeping ? “I’m doing alright…just tired. I- I just missed you. How is everyone ?Been on a lot of missions since ?” he smiled, you were so motherly, he swear his mother would love to know you had reached out to him… in honesty you two knew each other well. Gaz had brought you once to meet his mother during the holidays and she took a liking to you immediately. His mother would always joke about how you were the daughter she always asked for. “Yeah…I’m actually in London working on getting some Intel. I haven’t heard much from Price. Sure the old man out smoking a cigar on a hunting trip. Soap and I keep in contact…Ghost, well haven’t heard much from him honestly. He isn’t much a talker. Oh ! My mam wants to see you again one day ! She was worried when I told her you left.” He could hear you humming as you listened to his update. “Aw, well I’d love to see her again…actually…if your free sometime, I’m sure your mission is important but I’d love to meet you up some time.” He smiles at this “Yeah ? Say where and when.” He chuckles and he holds his breath hearing you laugh. It was airy, he can’t believe how much his missed your energy “Alright, well I’d love to have you over from some tea at my place. Just let me know when you can come by.” He perked up at this. He never been to your place, in fact you seemed very secretive about showing it. He never asked why, so he always volunteered to take you to his place. “Id love that Hera.” He smirked saying your call sign, he can already imagine you grinning “Ah good old days, unfortunately not much of Hera anymore. I don’t think I ever can honestly…” he frowned at this, he wondered if that’s why you resigned from the task force. In fact thinking about it you seemed exhausted, your voice wasn’t as chirpy like you used to be. You seemed out of breath with a few sentences. Were you ill ? “Are…are you ill ?” he asks hesitantly. He huff softly from your side “No…not exactly. It’s complicated, but I promise when we meet I’ll explain. Not like I could hide it anyways.” He now was more curious…did you secretly get sent off on a mission and got seriously hurt ? Were you that ill, you had to resign ? “Well, actually, I’m free today if you are ?” he looks at his clock. It was 06:20, you still were just an early riser as he was. “That would be great. I’ll text you my address. See you soon Gaz.” He can imagine you smiling, as he smiles too “Yeah, see you soon Hera.”

Taglist : @the-reality-of-my-life , @kat-nee , @wwe1rdc0re , @saturnknows , @stalyxysh ,@avatarislife4ever,@ayesha-fish , @sae1kie ,@longing-for-the-past-times,@daisyfrubies,@sailorneotunemivhiru,@ra-im , @maflor123 ,@i-love-ptv

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butch-reidentified · 16 days

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if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

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deripmaver · 10 months

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analyzing kentaro miura’s words on casca’s recovery

Below I’ve attached three separate screenshots of translations of a 2019 interview done by Young Animal ZERO magazine with Kentaro Miura on the topic of Casca’s recovery and revival. These aren’t new of course, but I want to discuss my reaction to them, and also discuss how I think they fit in with the current direction the story has taken with Studio Gaga’s chapters.

First up, a fan translation originally from skullknight.net, reposted to twitter:

Up next, a google translated version from kojion on twitter, who’s provided a few interviews that haven’t yet reached English speaking fans:

Finally, I’m not 100% sure what this is. It seems to follow from the above screenshots, but it’s not clear if this is just kojion’s interpretation of the interview response, or if this is specifically something Kentaro Miura said. I messaged him on twitter to ask, and I’ll update this post accordingly with his response!

This interview response was, no exaggeration, like a balm on my soul to read the first time I saw it. With how prevalent rape is in Berserk, and with how long it took for Casca to be revived, I admit I couldn’t help falling into this pit of frustration where I wondered if Miura even knew the extent of how awful what he put her through was. Her mental state, of course, did indicate he was aware of that - and then her revival happened, and the corridor of dreams, and I just remember being in actual tears because of how we went into Casca’s mind to show the trauma from her eyes. I can’t think of a more effective way to show something as serious as rape, genuinely.

And then, of course, this interview response, and again I remember thinking: Wow. This author really gets it. It was the thing that really made me confident in his ability to tell the story of Casca’s recovery.

First up, the very first part of the response: Casca’s awakening is not the end of her journey, it’s the beginning. This is absolutely, incredibly realistic. I think Miura likes to tease the audience in a sort of mean way lol, there’s the beautiful, dramatic panels where Casca awakens, and she’s put in that gorgeous fairy dress - almost like a wedding dress, you could say - and she’s sent off to have her romantic reunion with Guts...

And lol. We all remember how that went. Miura is such a troll lmao (affectionate)(kind of).

But of course, just because she’s in control of her mind again doesn’t at ALL mean she’s processed her trauma. Guts has had years to process what happened, but she’s been completely stuck this whole time.

We know from her dreamscape that it was Griffith’s betrayal that really, truly broke her mind (I won’t include the panels here because I don’t want to CRY), and that sort of loss of trust is in no way mended by simply returning to herself. Again, then, two things that made me so astonishingly confident in Miura’s ability to tell Casca’s story from the interview: He's writing Casca as a human, who will react in a natural, human way to her trauma, and that she needs to face up to what Griffith did. This, to me, very clearly indicates that her upcoming arc is going to be focused on facing up to the trauma Griffith caused her, and this is especially hammered in by what’s happening to her currently in canon, being stuck in Falconia with Griffith and with her memories, again, magically suppressed so she can’t begin to process anything. I genuinely can’t imagine any other way for things to go for her.

One more note before I go on to my ~predictions~ based on the current chapters is that I want to highlight this panel here:

If you follow me on twt you’ve seen me say this before but PTSD flashbacks have the person not just remembering the traumatic event, but feeling as though they’re experiencing the traumatic event all over again. Miura is aware that Casca simply regaining her memories wouldn’t be the end of her recovery but the beginning, knows that the real key to healing is processing the traumatic event, and knows that PTSD flashbacks make you feel as though you’re experiencing the trauma all over again. It’s far more sensitive than I’d expect most authors, let alone a cishet dude mangaka lol.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR CASCA?

I need to admit I’m making this post because earlier I got into a conversation on tumblr with someone who claimed that people read too much into Miura’s comments on Casca’s recovery, that they don’t indicate that she’ll successfully heal, that there’s no indication from the comments that he intended to write a full deep dive into Casca’s mental state and trauma, and that for all we know this would just be a side plot a la Farnese’s growth.

My position is that I genuinely can’t think of anything else that Casca’s upcoming storyline could be about besides her struggling with her trauma (and of course trying to escape Falconia, but in my mind those go hand in hand). I also think that I simply have different ideas about how important Casca is narratively than this person, which is the root of our difference in opinion on Casca’s recovery.

Right now, Casca has been kidnapped by Griffith and taken to Falconia, where she is being magically drugged to suppress her memories, and her healing. Her storyline necessitates that she get away from Griffith and out from the spell currently suppressing her personality, and getting out from under this spell will mean the return of the memories she was starting to process in Elfheim.

While it’s terrifying that Casca is away from her support system (and has been kidnapped by her RAPIST jesus christ) I actually think being away from Guts is the necessary key to her processing Griffith’s rape on her own terms. Guts is a massive trigger for her PTSD currently, and there’s the duality of her desire to see him and the likely ensuing guilt and frustration and sadness that comes with being unable to. Without his presence around her, I actually think it’ll be easier for her because there won’t be an expectation of her being with him.

There are people who we KNOW are in Falconia and will likely be Casca’s support system, we just currently have no idea how they’ll all meet up. I know Luca and the girls will be instrumental to Casca’s story because otherwise there would be no reason to bring them back and also for Casca to mention them explicitly in Elfheim.

The other point made by this person on tumblr is that Miura’s interview doesn’t indicate that Casca will recover. Perhaps, they say, her story will end with Casca unable to cope. I think this in people’s minds leads easily into the Apostle Casca theory, which I’ll be honest and repeat that I fucking hate so much LOL. I get it in some sense, but I really do hate it as a theory. As Miura says, though, he’s writing Casca as a real person, and there are absolutely very low points in trauma recovery, so I expect her to go through a lot of strife.

It’s difficult in some ways to look at these responses because there’s the language barrier. “she should confront what Griffith or the monsters did” and “she will now have to overcome the trauma” both, to me, seem to positively indicate that overcome is the intended outcome, but of course I’m not sure. Now, if kojion’s second tweet is a translated quote from Miura himself and not just his analysis of it, that’s kind of a smoking gun that recovery is the intended outcome of Casca’s arc, but I’m not sure one way or another.

This is purely based on my emotional response, but I think a story where a woman is betrayed and raped by one of her closest companions, who loses her mind for years because she’s unable to cope with the trauma of the betrayal, who finally has her memories returned to her and now needs to go on the incredibly difficult and painful journey of processing this betrayal - to have her story end tragically with the result that she’s never able to recover would...

Hm. Let’s say that it would need to be handled with extreme care. It might be the thing that gets Berserk to warrant its grimdark reputation.

As a conclusion, I think this one quote has a ton of potential for analysis inherent to it, particularly for fans of Casca, who are having a bit of a renaissance on twitter right now HAHA and I’m trying to gather them on tumblr too. If you combine it with various tidbits of Miura’s chapters from before his death, as well as the continuation by Studio Gaga, it helps create in my mind a decent picture of the trajectory of Casca’s arc, though the specifics are still up in the air.

Either way, I want to say to any Casca stans reading this that I really do think that Casca’s story is important, and will be shown as important going forward. I always hesitate to trust cishet authors for obvious reasons lol, but at least I can say that if she’s shown to NOT be important, that will entirely be on him and his sexism, and I think it will inherently make the story weaker. I don’t think that will be the case, though.

WE’VE WAITED THIS FUCKING LONG-

#berserk meta #casca berserk #casca #berserk #berserk fanfic #gutsca

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adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction · 2 months

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I didn't watch the James Somerton apology video because I didn't want to give him the views, but I did watch a react video that showed basically all of it. The whole thing felt so disingenuous.

He admitted to plagiarising (I think at this point he basically had to) but the way he framed it really downplayed what he did. If you hadn't seen the evidence against him and just saw this video, it would be very easy to come away with the impression that it was a few, minor mistakes.

He talked about crediting people in the opening of his videos, implying that he credited everyone, just not at the exact point he was using their words. We know this isn't true.

He also talked about how he would copy bits into his script, intending to reword them later, but then would forget because of his "memory issues". This is a problem for so many reasons. Firstly, it implies that he thinks it's fine if he paraphrases enough that you can't find the original by putting the words into Google, even though he's still taking other people's ideas without credit. So even if this were completely true, it would still be plagiarism. Secondly, even if his memory issues are real, there would be so many ways to make sure these "mistakes" didn't happen. He could have highlighted text in a different colour to show it needs reworking. He could have written the source in brackets in the script next to the section so he remembers where it came from. This is the sort of thing that you could do once or twice by accident, but after the first few accusations of plagiarism, you would learn a way to make sure the mistake didn't happen again. You wouldn't keep doing it for years. So even if he isn't making up the memory thing completely, it wouldn't be an excuse after all this time.

He talked about using other people's work because he didn't want to just be one cis, white guy talking about important topics and how he wanted to bring other people's voices and stories into the discussion. And this is such an infuriating excuse, because he was talking over those other voices and silencing them by stealing their words and passing them off as his own.

Half of his video was him going, "This is no excuse but..." and then spinning a sob story to get the audience's sympathy.

Then there are all the things he didn't talk about. He didn't acknowledge the video pointing out the many, many ways he made stuff up in his videos or apologise for the blatant lies. There was a tiny hint about "factual errors" that was quickly glossed over.

He didn't talk about the fact that when he got accused of plagiarism the previous times, he would lie about being harassed and set his followers out to bully the people who had called him out. If you didn't know better, you could come away from this video believing that this was the first time anyone had ever caught him plagiarising.

And I think that's the point. This wasn't a video aimed at the people he's hurt or the internet in general. This was a video aimed at his fans who haven't actually watched the videos laying out the evidence against him. He downplays what he did, spins out a sob story, and then makes an apology and promises to do better in the future. I can easily imagine his fans watching this and thinking that the uproar has been overblown because poor James has got memory problems and he did put people's names in the video credits and people on the internet are being so mean to him. I think there are people who will watch this video and believe his apology because they're only James' side.

If James was remotely genuine, he wouldn't have described what happened the way he did, but the people who know the truth aren't the target audience. The target audience are the people who already like him, so he can get some control of the narrative back and stop those people from listening to everyone else.

#james somerton #the apology video is terrible

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mephinomaly · 6 months

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[TL] BIOHAZARD/Chapter 1

[ This post uses Ois~su ♪ ]

Season: Winter

Time: Flashback. Middle of February, the first year of ES’s establishment

Location: RhythmLink Office

Rei: This is a grave set of circumstances.

Recently, there has been a considerable loss of UNDEAD fans.

Though we have been on the decline for some time, now the numbers are showing that too. In the number of people attending our lives, CD sales, merch items, and many more.

Kaoru: Eh, really?

That’s surprising~... From my personal experience, I feel like since Yumenosaki fans still get all excited at fan sign events and stuff.

I don’t think we’re losing customers per say, more that our clientele is changing, right? Now in ES, we take part in a lot of variety shows that even kids can enjoy.

Kids have to make do with allowance their parents give them, they can’t exactly fork out a bunch to buy live tickets and CDs—

So if you look at the overall, it just looks like sales are going down, right?

Koga: Eeh, even though you’re stupid rich, you still get how the average person lives.

Kaoru: Hey, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. My parents are pretty strict, you know.

Adonis: Fufu. The reality is, we’ve been in the business so long we’ve become numb to it.

If you are a child, the price for live tickets is most likely far too expensive for them.

If you pester your parents over it, they’ll just become more and more firm in their decision.

Kaoru: Yupyup. They’ll be like “I’m not buying you silly things like that, just google a picture of them!”

Adonis: Is that what your parents said to you?

Kaoru: Not those words exactly, but pretty much, yeah. When I told them I wanted to go to an idol training school, they gave me a lot of flak for it.

Rei: We’ve strayed a little off topic but- whilst what Kaoru-kun said is true, we cannot ignore that sales are floundering.

To put it bluntly, the current UNDEAD is on the wane.

Koga: That’s exactly why I was against it! Goin’ on those lively variety shows don’t suit our personas at all!

Wish we’d just stuck to making cool music ‘cos maybe then—

Adonis: But if that was the case, UNDEAD would have been overthrown at an earlier point for being idols that aren’t current nor can read the room.

No, it’s more than that, it’s because our senpais purposefully signed up for a variety show that would make Oogami seem like an idiot.

Rei: It is more that we simply wanted to do that work, that’s all. As Koga quite rightly said, we are responsible for the situation we are in.

Koga: D-damn. It’s pretty weird for you to be so upfront ‘bout your faults.

Rei: Well, there’s no use being obtuse about it. No matter what shameful behaviour I get up to nowadays, no-one will grow to hate me…♪

Kaoru: Ahaha. I normally hate that kind of arrogance~, but since it’s true it pisses me off even more ♪

There’s been times in the past where you’ve immediately gone “that’s my responsibility”. If there’s a problem with UNDEAD, it’s a problem for all of us. Don’t try to deal with it all on your own, ‘kay?

Adonis: I agree. There are times where Sakuma-senpai acts like that. But we are not children who cannot undertake responsibility.

Koga: Yeah yeah, whenever you pull shit like that it makes me seriously pissed~♪

Rei:Oh? So what I'm hearing is that you all hate me more than I thought you did...?

Kaoru: We’re lecturing you because we like you. If we hated you, we’d just ignore you.

Rei: Hm… Anyhow, to return to what we were talking about, the cause of this whole thing is because we were not clear in our attitude.

UNDEAD was originally a unit that sang exclusively about immoral and radical themes via rock ‘n roll.

However as of late, we have been taking part in variety programs that emphasise friendliness which goes in opposition to our true nature.

We’ve created an environment where people say “Oh? UNDEAD looks scary to approach but they're actually surprisingly easy to talk to?”

But because of that sort of work we’ve been able to expand our clientele…

Those who have loved UNDEAD since the beginning are probably feeling disillusioned.

Koga: Ain’t we got our priorities twisted? We shoulda payed more attention to the so-called hardcore fans.

-And not the new “oooh so cute” new fans who think they know us just from watchin’ those variety shows.

Rei: Well, both are just as important as the other.

Of course we must treasure those fans who have been with us since the beginning, however if we do not gain new fans, their interest will fizzle out like sparklers.

That is how it goes in the idol industry, nay, in all of the entertainment industry.

It’s not as simple as, if you work as hard as you can, you’ll succeed and everyone will love you for eternity.

[ ☆ ]

Prologue

Chapter 2

#enstars #ensemble stars #translation #rei sakuma #koga oogami #kaoru hakaze #adonis otogari #biohazard

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dartxo · 4 months

Text

"Resistance"

2023

It has been a maddening, miserable three months.

When last I posted about Palestine, the death toll in Gaza had just about leveled with the dead count in Israel. Some people may have called that justice; an eye for an eye, and all. Yet as I knew would happen, as any person with sense knew would happen, the state of Israel has dropped any pretense of seeking justice and gone full force on a savage, genocidal campaign. I can't put into words how demoralizing it has been to watch a tragedy of this scope unfold in real time on our screens; how infuriating to witness people and institutions that profess loving diversity and human rights back openly and shamelessly a fascist ethnostate. The world, and more concretely the western world, has utterly set aside the lessons of the War on Terror and slid back into a miasma of Islamophobic hysteria and lust for blood.

I've lost count of all the times that the state of Israel and their enablers have lied. Zionist discourse around this topic is rife with misinformation, unconfirmed rumors, and just plain, willful dishonesty. I take hope in knowing that more and more people, all over the world but especially so in the Global South, are less and less willing to believe the propaganda. Zionists wouldn't be as hysterical as they are if they didn't feel their wall of lies was crumbling. Nevertheless, here are some of the facts:

- Israel is an ethnocratic, settler-colonial state. This is not me saying it; the ideologues and pioneers of Zionism themselves described their project as colonial. From the very beginning, their stated aims have been control and subjugation, not coexistence. Only in later decades, with colonialism taking a bad connotation, did Israel rebrand itself as some sort of indigenous rights movement (an idea that is too absurd for words). But early Zionists were remarkably honest about who they were and what they wanted. The facts on the ground now, with the actions and rhetoric surrounding Gaza and with the encroachment of illegal settlements on the West Bank, all but confirm Israel's colonial aspirations.

If you're unconvinced, consider this: people in the Global South, people who know all too well what colonialism looks like, are far more likely to sympathize with Palestine than with Israel. And who supports Israel, then? Former and current colonial powers. Does it seem at all likely that countries like the United States and Britain would ever back indigenous national aspirations? I think not.

- Israel enforces a system of apartheid against Palestinians under their control. Again, this isn't me saying it; Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, and even Israeli human rights organizations like B'tselem have confirmed this and published reports about it. Google and read them for yourselves, by all means.

And if you're still unconvinced, consider this: black people in South Africa, including Nelson Mandela himself, have always sympathized with Palestine, and have also drawn parallels between the apartheid they lived through and what Israel does. Do you really think you have any moral or intellectual authority to tell those people that they don't know what they're talking about? Because you don't.

- Under international law, an occupied people has the right to resist their occupiers. An occupying entity however does not have the right of self defense against the people it occupies. You can say that killing civilians is not legitimate resistance. That's fine. But then I expect you to apply that same principle to Israel and their indiscriminate bombing of Gaza. I also expect you to ponder wether Hamas targeting only military personnel would have made any difference in how you feel about the attacks. I know for a fact that even when only their soldiers are attacked, Israeli reprisals have always been savage, disproportionate, and deadly.

And if you're one of those (deluded) people who insists there's no occupation, I will say only this: when this started, Israeli officials stated loud and clear their intent to cut all electricity, fuel, food and water to the Gaza Strip, and then did just so. What kind of country has that amount of power over another? An occupier, that's who.

- Hamas was founded in 1987, and came to power in 2006 with 44.45% of voter support. That makes 36 years since its founding, and 17 years governing Gaza (note: Gaza. They do not govern the West Bank). Given these facts, you cannot possibly claim that the problems in the region start and end with Hamas, and you also cannot claim that Gazans collectively are to blame for their own destruction, what with half the population on the Strip being underage and all. If you insist on this, then I expect you to apply that same reasoning to Israelis. Netanyahu is the longest serving prime minister in his country's history, and has repeatedly been voted into power despite mounting evidence of corruption and war-mongering. Israelis are also required to serve in the military, and there isn't really a big movement to end it (those few that do refuse the draft are hella brave, by the way, and heroes in my book). Still, the majority of Israelis are, have been, or will be a part of their country's war machine at some point in their lives. I'd say that makes their society complicit, at least much more so than Palestinians are. Would you say that a people who consistently vote for the same war-mongers and that stand unconditionally with their military deserve to be blown to smithereens? I mean...that's your argument, dears, not mine.

I would also note that Netanyahu himself was caught on mic admitting to have propped up Hamas to thwart any possibility of establishing a Palestinian state. So...make of that what you will. It isn't the first time a colonial power props up radical militants to undermine secular, more moderate groups.

- And while we're on the subject of reasonability and compromise: in their 2017 charter, Hamas states its willingness to compromise on a temporary two-state solution. In the past, they have suggested long-term truces in exchange of assurances. Hell, last month's temporary ceasefire shows that they are a party that can be reasoned and negotiated with. But compromise and negotiation are not in the interest of the Israeli State. Since the earliest beginnings of the Zionist movement, total control over the land of Palestine has been their ultimate goal. And that goal has often come at the expense not only of Palestinians, but of their own people as well, as recent events showcase perfectly.

I know many of you are only too willing to believe that Muslim militants have no motives other than hatred, and no tools other than wanton violence. But whatever they may be, whatever we may think of them, the truth is that Hamas has been the more flexible party. They have concrete political aims, some of which are not that unreasonable. If Israel and the West refuse outright to even consider any of their terms, then perhaps the world ought to reconsider who the rash, irrational party is in this scenario.

- On the subject of violence: that story of the forty beheaded babies was a ruse; as in, there's no evidence for it. None. But again, don't take my word for it! The IDF, the White House, mainstream media outlets and the Israeli press, all of which amplified and spread this rumor and none of which are particularly sympathetic to Palestinians, they all walked back on their claims. You might want to consider what made you so willing to believe this lie, and maybe why you continue to believe it even after the people who first told you about it have said it's not true. It isn't the first time the state of Israel has made wild claims with either insufficient or non-existent evidence to support them.

That's not all. Mounting evidence, published by the Israeli press no less, shows that at least some Israeli civilians were killed in the crossfire between the IDF and Hamas. Hell, there is also evidence, provided by survivors, that the IDF may have killed its own citizens deliberately in an effort to wipe out the Hamas militants that held them hostage. The Israeli government have also revised their casualty numbers from 1400 to less than 1200, and it wouldn't surprise me if that number were to get lower still.

Regardless of wether Hamas killed all those people or not, the truth is this: there are at least 21,822 people killed in Gaza. That's over eighteen times the total Israeli death count. 8,800 of those killed are children. That's more than two hundred times the number of fake beheaded babies. The death toll and displacement have reached historic proportions, surpassing even the Nakba of 1948. Yet by all accounts, no more Israeli civilians have been killed by Palestinian militants since the first days of the escalation, that is, unless any hostages in Gaza have been executed (though they have more likely been killed by the Israeli military itself, as has indeed been proven to be the case). It is Palestinians who are dying now, and who have been dying over these months, over this year, and over these decades. I don't want to see you shed crocodile tears over civilian deaths if the only time you bother to turn your attention to this conflict is when Israelis die. You have no business pointing fingers at me if you support Israel's colonial, genocidal enterprise. As for me, I know where I stand. I regret all civilian loss of life, but if I am made to choose between colonizer and colonized, between oppressor and oppressed, between the people who are busy making TikToks and the people who are busy dying, my choice will always be clear.

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

#free palestine #palestine #gaza #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #art for palestine #social justice #leftist #resist #photoshop #art #artists on tumblr #mexican artist #autistic artist #dartxo #end israeli occupation #end israeli apartheid #palestine solidarity #palestine sunbird

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renatapatata · 2 years

Text

!spoilers for stranger things s4!

... ok im genuinely surprised that so many people are sort of giving up on will and mike getting together when ive never been this confident about a ship??? ever???

if im wrong ill take the L but Cmon Now :

• the show recap purposefully shows the mike and will scenes, putting an emphasis on their dynamic instead of the mike and el scenes

• last season el and mike were going thru it but in the end, el tells him that she loves him and he stood there sort of slack jawed and stunned and couldnt say the words back even then within that scene

• which brings us to the beginning of s4 where mike still cant say ily to el even through the letters and correspondances hes had with her, either a) cuz hes going thru some insecurity about his feelings and the show is building up to a big romantic gesture or b) because hes internally struggling and a part of him knows if he said 'ily' back to el in a romantic context, it wouldnt be true

• meanwhile will is very blatantly pining what with The very pointed slow romantic tune that plays whenever he gazes at mike for a bit too long, and he evidently has a painting for mike and im guessing its contents will be revealed in volume 2 next month

• as for the way mike is treating will, giving him a bit of the cold shoulder at first, the awkwardness and avoiding his gaze, it could be because he feels guilty and weird about how he left things tense between him and his bestie, but then again mikes attitude feels like hes going thru it with el and it could b because he has some underlying feelings for will that he hasnt realized yet and is unknowingly taking out these frustrations on will (rip)

• and i did appreciate how mike apologized to will and that heartfelt talk they had as will was packing his stuff - again, the talks and discussions they had were continuously will trying to console mike despite his shit attitude towards him, so mike finally saying that 'he doesnt deserve to be treated that way' and the Pure hopeful expression on wills face and mikes big smile when they established each other as being each others besties again,.,.,. what was the reason What was the reason

• also this has nothing to do with anything but the background posters in wills room of Jaws 1975 and the og little shop of horrors musical (the lyricist to that musical being howard ashman, a gay man) ... gay!! Gay (source for this being im a mega stan of these two things and i am gay thank you vry much)

• back to the topic at hand tho, i feel like theres some sort of specific costuming choices what with the characters outfit colour schemes and id do a deeper analysis if i knew what i was talking about

• like smthing smthing about how mike brings el yellow and blue flowers and shes dissapointed with how he still signed the bouquet by writing 'from, mike' not 'love, mike', and from what google says about flowers blue can be interpreted as representing peace or a balm to anxiousness, i read somewhere that it also represented desire and romance tho, but for yellow its apparently 'the ideal color for symbolizing friendship'

• then again will has been wearing yellow and blue plad shirts and mike has been wearing an equally chaotic mix of yellow and blue in his outfits and those are just two contrasting colours that compliment each other well, indicating that the writers just purposefully wanted their outfits to be coordinated wink wink

• and to just really get into it theres this General disconnect between el and mike and how they just arent on the same wavelenght anymore, el's message that she leaves behind for mike also being signed with a 'from, el' not 'love, el', seeming to indicate that unless mike apologizes and professes his love to her in volume 2, their romance is kinda officially fizzling out

• honestly ive always rooted for mike and el pre realizing that will and mike was a possibility in the shows plot, and what with el going THRU IT in the following episodes of season 4, i feel like her and mike latched onto each other super hard at the start of the show and whats coming to light now is that their bond is just as valid if it remains platonic

• so we dont see the california gang as much as up until episode 7 it focuses on the vecna plot, and with the last 2 episodes of the season releasing in july being longer and the usual recipe for a stranger things finale being everyone meets up near the end, im guessing will, mike and el are gonna make their way back to hawkins somehow and join the others in the upside down, either intentionally or by force

• by that i mean that theres this specific payoff that has to come with the reveal of what will was painting in episode 1, and el herself says its for a crush, and we know that crush is mike, and so will is still dragging this painting around with him in his backpack for it to be revealed at a surely emotionally charged moment for him

• think of it this way: theres surely gonna be more mike and will screentime in volume 2 now that weve gone thru all of that setup, and whats the point of heavily implying will is crushing on mike all for mike to just be like 'oh haha thx bestie im an ally and all so hashtag gay rights good for you but i love el sorryyy 🤪'

• like Why parallel how mike and el cant seem to work as a couple anymore and mike just seems desperately trying to salvage their relationship and say what she wants to hear, all while having this constant pensive and frustrated look on his face vs how mike was being super dodgey and sketchy with will to giving him these super soft looks and almost being in tears when they had that conversation and reconciled as besties for like 10 seconds?

• it seems cruel to string ur (queer) audience along with the possibility of byler being real only for mike to admit how much he loves el romantically and will to end up heartbroken... like wow... such compelling storywritting (sike) and theyd get Major shit for it Instead of the potential praise if they were to just go thru with endgame byler

• and heres my final crackhead theory but since vecna feeds on peoples guilt and its the dissapearance of will and his connection to the upside down that opened a gate and the upside down being stuck in time on the day he did dissapear,.,., what if the closer he gets to hawkins and the gates he becomes its next target? will could have potential guilt relating to keeping his sexuality/crush hush hush, and being in the closet in the 80s is just surely a shit enough time so i can just imagine the possibility of him being vecnas next or final victim to pick on, and it would be the perfect wake up call for mike to panic at the chance of losing will Yet Again

• or idk im getting a cw supernatural vibe that will is gonna confess to mike, then get yeeted into super hell I Mean the upside down, but lets hope that this time mike pulls his head out of his ass and realizes that the reason things with el feel off is because hes been repressing his feelings for will because hes an oblivious and emotionally stunted dork!!!

anyway thank you for coming to my TED talk my inbox is always open if you also want to scream about all things strange

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heyheydidjaknow · 10 months

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With the situation Venti has his darling in, how would he react if they got a vision? Considering it all, this is definitely a time and place to get 'noticed by the gods', although the irony of trying to use what is considered a gift of the gods to escape a god, an archon of all things. Sure, they may not have experience with a vision at all, much less experience to use it in an escape attempt. Still, if one is foolhardy enough to try to escape without one I assume the fire gets reignited with the appearance of a vision.

Although, that's only if Venti doesn't interfere first.

So. Here’s the thing. My understanding of the whole vision system is limited. I don’t know exactly what qualifies someone for a vision. I googled it and there has been discourse on this topic. I’m going to assume that Archons at least have some input.

I have a headcanon— I promise this is going somewhere— that Ei and Venti hate each other. Not in an active, “let’s go to war” sort of way, but in a very passive-aggressive, “try something I fucking dare you” kind of way. Venti dislikes Ei because she is the embodiment of why he doesn’t try to run his nation: she is a petulant, tyrannical ruler so obsessed with her problems that she doesn’t prioritize her people over her ego. Ei dislikes Venti because she considers him a self-righteous dick who’s managed to convince himself that his laziness is an example of his strong moral fiber and that he has no responsibility to rule his people. Venti gives her a hard time for her inability to rule justly when he doesn’t do anything, and Ei lectures him about his hands-off approach even though his nation wasn’t the one that got shut down because their ruler was too busy caught up in her own shit to do the job she put on herself.

Now, to my understanding, archons have some input on who gets a vision. Not a ton of input— Celestia has a lot more control than the archons— but some. If you were praying to her for whatever reason? If she found out about Venti’s hostage after all the shit he’s given her about how immoral it is to deny people freedom? If she finds out about this blatant hypocrisy? You couldn’t get an electro vision faster if you asked. And what’s Venti going to do? Take it? Kill any remnants of the spirit you’ve held onto? He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that.

It wouldn’t help you escape. You wouldn’t be able to do much with it. But for Venti to have that reminder of his hypocrisy on your person at all times, a reminder that he is no better than a childish, tyrannical ruler who did something so similar sure would suck, wouldn’t it?

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sleepymccoy · 4 months

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Fuck it, Ive found myself googling topics to start a fight again cos I'm trying to write spones, so I'm creating a list for myself here. If you have suggestions please feel free to add them. You are also welcome to use this as a prompt, although I don't know if it'll really help

These are mostly nicked from other lists, so hey may need tweaking to be more star trek sci fi in vibe. But I think they suit the sort of fights they have. Entertainingly, many of the questions on these lists have already been addressed my star trek. Like, I'm not going to go into eugenics here. They have a whole arc in tos where everyone expresses their opinions on eugenics (against) (the Khan stuff). So like, those aren't included! Or questions about ubi, trek world is a successful communist, they're all pro ubi.

Anyway. I've tried to hash it down to topics where I can easily see either how they disagree, or I can see how they agree but for different reasons. And, as this is for me, I might even include some of those details too!

Is technology making us more or less connected?

Could argue either way. McCoy's only contact with his kid is via tech, so he could be in favour. Same with Spock, but I think vulcans have a lot of physical cultural stuff that form part of gathering that (American) humans don't as much. Like, incense and how the planet is a different temp to the ship. So, maybe Spock is really feeling how tech is a shadow of the real thing more.

McCoy hates and is unimpresssed by tech, and just wants to be home. Spock is perfectly happy with the perfunctory contact w his parents.

Is censorship ever acceptable in art and media?

This one is fun cos you can world build a bit with the premise. What's the art and media? I think McCoy has one of those inspected opinions, he's against censorship until you start listing terrible things then he gets annoyed cos he kind of agrees with a little bit of censorship. He doesn't think dead bodies should be shown on billboards across from schools. But he says, when asked, that he's against any censorship.

I think Vulcan has censored pre reform stuff from society quite a lot. And Spock's opinion on this is a real character choice you can make, does he agree people should only find out about history in university when you're spoon fed it kindly enough? Or does he think everyone should know?

Should we prioritize space exploration or focus on fixing problems on Earth?

This one is hilarious to me, cos they both work exploring space. But I think McCoy could get worked up over the focus and energy being on new space stuff if they're leaving hungry children behind, you know. I think Spock leans bigger picture

Is traditional marriage still relevant in modern society?

Ha! Have a great time! They'll be so off topic within a minute and just discussing their personal life that their opinion doesn't bloody matter

Is privacy more important than national security?

I think Spock is more into privacy then McCoy. Can't put my finger on why, I might come back to this

How can a good diet be used to control certain diseases?

I think the groundwork of this argument is that McCoy is having a go at Spock being vegetarian. So they're discussing broadly, but McCoy keeps slipping in how great meat is lol

Is it better to live in a big city or a small town?

Spock likes cities! McCoy likes small towns! This can devolve into a squabble about feudalism if you want to go crazy

Animal zoos: are they morally acceptable?

This is good worldbuilding too, zoos would be more rehab centres now. But Spock likes to have a go at old earth practices too just to see McCoy go red

Is online learning as effective as traditional in-person learning?

I reckon Spock likes online learning. The little freak

Is online dating more effective than traditional dating?

Heheheheheheh make them fight about dating. Make them list their favourite types of dates in an aggressive way. Heheheh

#spones #spock #mccoy #tos

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feretra · 5 months

Text

ETA: It was brought to my attention by a few very lovely folks that I wasn’t entirely clear about a key point in this post. So before you go any further, allow me to eliminate any confusion about that: I only became aware of Sam’s behaviour after terminating my friendship with her. Much of this comes from deep dives into tags and from google, based on the usernames provided in her previous callout. If you have any other questions or experiences with Sam, you are welcome to reach out to me.

I wasn’t going to do this. It’s the holiday season, and I have limited energy stores, but if I am going to be stalked and gaslit to this extent solely for putting up a boundary? I may as well get a swing in. Because this is what I’m dealing with, and have dealt with, when I simply tried to part on amicable terms:

The person behind this behavior is breadandbloodybutter — otherwise known as Gig, otherwise known as Samantha — and they have years of extremely dubious behaviour, but they tend to delete their accounts and remake them often so that much of it gets expunged from tumblr and doesn’t follow them. But if you dig deep enough into the archives, you can find hints of what was there.

Sam enjoys writing as or with villains, which is not intrinsically a problem in and of itself. The actual problem? Is that Sam writes writes some extremely questionable roleplay content that should be trigger warned at absolute minimum because it is full of noncon, dubcon, graphic torture, multiple forms of abuse, grooming, murder, cannibalism, and other deeply concerning topics. She has even cosplayed as a murdered kid. There were some hints that I could not fully corroborate — because like I said, so much of her past history is repeatedly deleted that it exists in fragments — but there are implications that some of these topics may have been written with minors. Given the fandoms Sam is in besides Baldur’s Gate tend to be skewed towards a teen to young adult demographic (Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss, FNAF, Stephen King’s It, Yugioh, Dragonball), that is not surprising.

But weren’t you and Sam friends? We were. Until Sam used one of her many accounts to share posts about how crushing tracheas under a boot heel and fucking people with loaded guns was sexy (I cannot believe I just typed this out, oof.) As an Indigenous person who has survived extreme violence towards my person that has nearly taken my life, and having seen how it has generationally impacted the people around me, I decided to use this incident as an opportunity to inform everyone who follows me that I did not want to see that sort of violent fetishization on my dash. They can totally post it — especially if you have characters into wackass shit — but please make sure it is tagged adequately and liberally so that people who have gone through similar traumas and know their limits don’t run the risk of being triggered randomly on a Tuesday at 1pm when they’re just trying to enjoy their day.

Sam reached out to me and tagged her posts and I thought we had solved this. Apparently we hadn’t, because Sam was running her mouth not only to other people about this, but on her personal where she was making herself a victim. While missing the point and also telling way too much on herself, because I never once said she was a shitty person. What I was talking about, is how posts like those do not exist in a vacuum. If you can have the privilege to say “oh, this is entirely fictional,” then you live in a world where your body has not become sexualized or a vehicle for violence solely by existing. This is what was being said to me:

And this is what was going on where she thought I couldn’t see it:

( This is now deleted, but it was followed up with similar posts reblogged from other people about how it is okay to engage with problematic topics in media, etc. Which is completely missing the forest for the trees. A nice accompaniment to… )

This post, made yesterday, came a whole three minutes after I finally broke my silence and pointed out that befriending racists who explicitly hated us was an even worse look than whatever it was that was preceding it. Because guess what Sam has done now. But that’s jumping ahead a bit, I think. Because I did give Sam another chance for a few weeks after that debacle. She just completely blew it within a couple weeks to once again write some pretty questionable content. Because hey, posting untagged torture porn is fun, right? And then joking about it?

So @laceratiio and myself both tried to part ways with Sam. Quietly. We even gave her our reasons for why. Sam even seemed fine with this. I don’t have Mirza’s on hand, but here’s mine, for the sake of transparency.

( I’m leaving the topmost part of this clipped off because it details my trauma and I’ll spare yall that without your consent. That’s not what you’re here for. )

Cue, uh, Sam stalking the shit out of @laceratiio and I for the last few days? Just relentlessly. Which apparently is not a new thing, according to the Sam Archives, if it’s anything to go by:

I have roughly forty plus images I have saved in my folder of receipts about Sam at this point. They range from her not understanding how she is manipulating the people around her:

To straight up joking about noncon with the implication being about minors:

And a lot of wanting to be the victim in any given situation, even though she is the one antagonizing people who are just wanting to be left alone —

Is this meant to be a callout? I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck this is. I just see a lot of red fucking flags about someone I once called a friend because they hid a lot about themselves and I think I want to warn people, honestly. That’s what I think this is. If I have to otherwise lose my sanity over the course of this goddamn weekend.

Reblog if you want. It’s up to you.

#ooc #psa #[ the anniversary of my aunt’s suicide was yesterday ]#[ I’m sick from the stress of this ]#[ but whatever here ]#[ have my knowledge do with it what you will ]

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maddiviner · 8 months

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I don't believe everyone consents to everything that happens, but remember that in magic at least, there is the Law of Consent? Often used where you show someone your spell result before you do it on them. If you show them in a movie for example, your spell will have more power when you cast it because the person will receive it with consent.

Hoooboy here we go. Google was my friend looking into this, for once, but only barely.

My thoughts?

( In magic, you should be thinking about things like consent. Me, I wouldn't do anything with magic that I wouldn't do without it; that tends to be my moral code magically. It doesn't mean I never curse, but I do try to be mindful of how my magic might affect others. That said, this question isn't really about that... )

Spells and magic don't need the target's consent to be effective. If that were the case, the occult would look a lot different, and we'd get very different results. Furthermore, you can't make someone consent because... that'd be the opposite of consent, which is a willed action.

Showing someone media representations of your goals beforehand could have mixed effects just because people react differently to different media. It won't necessarily affect their decisions or the outcome of your own magic. There's no magical media mind control Law of Consent, sorry.

Of course, as is often the case, it's more complicated than just saying "it's bunk," so I'll explain my views in more detail, the why of it, etc. You might be surprised to learn where this idea is coming from, who is promoting it, and why.

I found the below meme, clearly an example of the concept, on a couple different sites using Google image search.

Statements like this of "I do not consent to negativity, spells, or curses!" posted in memes online, etc? Like this? I saw a couple more like it, a lot of them said stuff like "Type 11:11 to affirm." I don't see those as particularly productive, either.

I guess the latter part of that (above) particular meme "I call upon..." could be seen as some sort of attempted proactive protection magic in and of itself, but it's very vague...

No curse is going to ask for consent, because that's not the point of a curse. Curses are hostile. They're meant to be. Not all witches curse, but I'm pretty sure most of us that do aren't worried about permission from the target. If a curse is effective, the target's consent won't matter.

Your average malicious spell isn't hung up on the notion of consent. Spells that are more positive likely already have the target's consent. They, too, would also be effective without it, if well-designed and properly-cast.

The typical ambient forces, nonhuman? Usually have no notion of consent in that sense, either. That doesn't mean they're hostile - they're more like curious stray dogs. The stray dog's not going to ask before sniffing you, and that's not hostility - that's just how animals work. There's other critters out there, of course, but that's beyond the scope of this article.

There's no such thing as unconscious or subconscious consent, either. That's not a factor. There may be unconscious drives that influence someone's decisions, but consent occurs willfully. You can't consent to something without knowing it; and it's kinda creepy to say otherwise? I could see people going in bad directions with the notion that consent can be "unconscious" (it can't). Not really the topic here, though.

And anyways? An image of your desired outcome won't cause people to consent to it. When you show someone a representation of what you want, you're, at best, giving them the idea of it. That won't make them necessarily more comfortable/receptive to it, though. It'll put it in their head, for better or worse. In some cases, if the concept is vile enough, it may very well inoculate them against it, in a way.

That's all. This isn't magic, it's just how people's heads work. Yes, fictional representations of things can influence people. It doesn't overrule their ability to make up their own minds, though, nor can it make them "consent."

Here's an example. Reading 1984 definitely puts the idea of a vast surveillance state in people's minds. It sure doesn't get them comfortable with the idea, though, or make them want to consent to it. If Orwell had been promoting the idea, it might've been different? But even then, people would've made up their own minds reading the book, just like with anything. It probably would've just made them conclude that Orwell was a hack writer.

With magical results, it'd be similar. Showing a spell, or its planned results, to a target beforehand would have mixed results. In the case of some curses, it would make the average person more defensive or spook them. That may or may not be useful to the witch, but it isn't, in and of itself, magic - it's psychological manipulation.

With a more positive spell, I'm not sure what the result would be. It'd depend a lot on the target and their mindset. Some might find it inspiring, but others might see it as disturbing. In both cases, this could work with (or against, if you're not careful) the magic, but isn't magic itself.

I know that the concept of a Law of Consent in the occult and New Age community goes much further than this. It's not exactly easy to google and research. Searching for "law of consent" pops up resources about SA (as it should, imho). Though it's a bit hard to dig into, the origins of this idea in occultism deserve attention.

In most cases, it's tied up with conspiracy theories about aliens, "reptilians," etc controlling the world, drinking blood, etc. This article, as well as most others I've seen, argues that these "archons" must "obtain consent" for our "victimization." The Illuminati ask permission, apparently?

They, apparently, do this by showing us their plans in fiction/etc before enacting them. A lot of it relies on a reworking of antisemitic blood libel lore and the Satanic Panic. It mostly revolves around sacrifice and ritual abuse by these nebulous "Elite" archons who control everything secretly. Despite their world-spanning power, they still need our permission, apparently. It's not terribly coherent.

In other words, this idea (a "Law of Consent") didn't come from occultists, actually. It seems to have been a notion propagated alongside existing Satanic Panic legends. Most of these, while embracing some quasi-occult New Age notions, are actually anti-occult. They're also covertly antisemitic, resembling blood libel tales of children sacrificed. Seems like this "Law of Consent" idea has seeped into the mainstream New Age movement? Ugh.

Again, I don't believe consent is necessary for, or even helps, magic. Giving your spell's target a "preview" of the intended results can have mixed effects. The idea of a Law of Consent doesn't really hold water, imho. It also originates with bigots and awful people.

That said, fiction, media, and art can be magic. This would be what we call a hypersigil. They function like a regular sigil, but can be way more complex and hard to wrangle, in my experience.

Hypersigils can be works of art like paintings or digital pieces. They're more often works of narrative fiction, though. This is probably because most mages etc love writing? I've also seen computer games as hypersigils.

Either way, hypersigils are a real thing that people use. They tend to have wider, longer effects than regular sigils, in my experience. Grant Morrison (I'd consider them kinda an expert) says they can be "dangerous," and I'd agree. They almost always involve a lot of factors, and it can be a hard situation to control in the longterm.

They're not designed to "obtain consent" from other minds, though. They function like souped-up versions of normal sigils. The intricacies of them are a bit beyond the scope of this article. You might design a hypersigil to help you advance at work, or find love. Yes, you could, in theory, curse someone with one, like with any form of magic. I've never seen that done, though.

They're also, in my experience, really fucking hard to succeed at (compared to other forms of magic). I've attempted more than a few hypersigils over the years and had success with only a couple. Compared to normal sigils, that's not much. I'll admit, though, the (few) ones that I did manage were a resounding success.

A lot of it depends on how capable you are in your chosen medium for the hypersigil (writing, art, coding etc). It can also depend on the scale you're working on. A smaller hypersigil ("I'll write a fanfic" or "I"ll paint a picture") might be less difficult to manage. I'm not good with scale sometimes.

If you want to see a good example of a hypersigil in action, check out Grant Morrison's The Invisibles. Sometimes famous people (almost always artists) create hypersigils, usually to shape their own public image, but sometimes for other reasons, too.

So yeah. There's no such thing as a "Law of Consent" in magic, and those in power aren't using it against us. Fictional (and other) media representations can play a role in magic, though, and often do.

#witchcraft #magic #occult #new age #witch #law of consent #consent #hypersigils #sigils #fiction #media #chaos magic #satanic panic #illuminati #doused #eliza.txt

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