#i guess this goes to ML though so

[internetgiraffekid1673]

I Made MORE Princess Bee Fanart:

Sup, I had my wisdom teeth ripped out of my head, which means I had pain and time to kill! That means I made more fanart for a miraculous ladybug AU created by @princess-of-the-corner, because it has gripped it's claws into my brain and will not let go. AU is called Princess Bee.

I made a short, sketchy comic based off these two posts involving Adrien getting akumatized by a Butterfly!Lila and her finding out about the ENTIRE sentikid nonsense through his emotional meltdown. Beware of tonal whiplash.

Explanation of AU under the cut (as well as a little bonus drawing). I did not come up with this idea, go read the Princess Bee tag on @princess-of-the-corner! (and all the other AUs and fics going on over there, they are so cool).

>:) :'). Oh, and I gave Chester a rat's tail braid.

General Explanation of Princess Bee: If I keep making fanart of this, I'll probably just make one solid paragraph and stop rewriting this every single time!

Anyway, sometime before season 5, Chloe gets disowned/emancipated and skips town, where she goes to law school, gets therapy, and eventually has a daughter named Dawn. Shortly after she leaves, an altered version of the S5 finale goes down where a Wish is made that prevents the current Team from using their Miraculous again. Lila, with nobody left to get revenge against, disappears underground to do low-scale cons. Ships sail and children are had. And then everything goes to shit many years later when the Adrienette kids find the miraculous and take them on a joyride that ends out VERY on the news, which causes Lila to resurface. At the same time, Chloe gets dragged back to Paris due to Andre's death and failure to update his will. Now it's up to the Next Gen kids to stop a new Butterfly under their parent's guidance, all while everyone is navigating a complex web of interpersonal relationships!

Bonus: Butterfly!Lila design. Technically, this could be for anything, since Lila is all geared up to be the new main villain and Butterfly holder of Miraculous, but I designed this with Princess Bee in mind, so she's an adult. I based her off a purple empress butterfly, and also could not remember Cornerverse's Butterfly!Lila name for the life of me, so I named her Empress. I don't love the name, but I don't hate it either.

[starkeymeow]

❛ we make each other alive . .

does it matter if it hurts? ❜

I’M COMING, WAIT FOR ME.

PLOT you enter the hunger games a proud weapon of your district, only to find your sharpest blade is the boy beside you, and you’re not sure which one of you the capitol wants to break first.

CONTENT part thirteen, best read in dark mode, rafe cameron x reader au, continuation of enobaria talking to reader, heavy emotions, president sn*w

main masterlist | series ml | tag list | previous next

you can’t move much, still strapped down in some places, still healing in others, but you’re sure your body reacts anyway. something in your face must shift, because enobaria doesn’t speak right away. she’s watching you, arms folded tight around herself, like she’s cold even though this room is boiling.

you don't know what emotion you’re feeling. you don’t even think there’s a name for it.

you should be happy. you should be relieved.

rafe is alive.

you glance at enobaria, and she takes the look as permission to keep going.

“look, you don't have to say anything right now,” she starts. her voice is quieter than you remember. it’s less clipped, more like . . . like a person, and not a trainer or a warrior or a capitol cog. “i just— i thought someone should be the one to tell you. properly.”

you blink slowly. the lights above sting your eyes. your throat itches. there’s an ache in your arm where you think an iv is buried deep.

“you’ve been asleep a long time, kid. we weren’t sure you were gonna wake up.”

your mouth stays shut. you can’t even part your lips. they feel too dry. you just breathe through your nose.

“they kept you under, said your body needed to recover, and it did. barely. you were . . . torn up pretty bad. worse than i thought anyone could survive. honestly, they didn’t think you’d make it past the first night.”

her eyes are glassy.

“rafe?” is all you manage, and it doesn’t even sound like a word, more like a breath escaping.

she knows what you’re trying to say. she expected it honestly, so she nods. “he’s alive. in another room. been healing too. he’ll ask about you, once or twice. every damn day until they told him to stop talking.”

you swallow around the lump in your throat. you don’t know what you’re supposed to feel. your face twitches once, but you don’t know what expression it makes. something like guilt or maybe fear.

“they didn’t know what to do,” enobaria says, folding her hands in her lap now, leaning forward like in her seat. “no one expected it. you were too far gone, and he . . . i mean, he should’ve died with you. or before you. that’s how it’s supposed to work.”

you flinch.

“you were raised to believe the games were glory, right?” she says, almost gently now. “you win, you bring pride home. your district puts your face on posters. your name gets whispered like legend.”

you look at her, blank.

“that’s what they teach us. it’s what they taught me, too. but you know what they don’t teach?” she looks at you with guilt, almost like she doesn’t even want to be the one to tell you and make you face the harsh reality, “what happens after you win.”

your stomach twists from the way she’s behaving. you feel like scooting up higher on the hospital bed.

“you think the arena was bad?” she goes on, eyes fixed to the floor now like she’s ashamed of what she’s saying. “that was the easy part. this? what’s coming next? this is gonna be the real game for you.”

you’re breathing hard again.

“snow’s not happy,” she says finally. “you probably already guessed that. but it’s not even just snow. it’s the capitol, panem. no one knows what to do with you two.”

she starts to wring her hands in her lap. this is the first time you’ve seen her look nervous.

“two victors? it’s not just . . . rare, you know. it’s unacceptable. you changed something. and i mean, you didn’t even mean to, did you? you just wanted to keep him alive. or yourself. or both . . . but this isn’t what i meant by start a romance if things turn out for the worst.”

you close your eyes, just for a second. this obviously isn’t what you meant to do either.

“you kissed him.”

your eyes snap back open.

“and that—that—is what they’re going to use.”

you stare.

“it wasn’t even that romantic,” she says, frowning, almost a bitter smile. “you looked like you were both dying. which, i mean, you were. blood everywhere. but the camera caught it. just one kiss. just one moment. and that’s all they needed.”

she exhales.

“you know what a love story does in panem, y/n?”

you barely shake your head.

“it saves lives.”

your brow furrows.

“it gives them something to root for, something to cling to. because otherwise they’d have to see it for what it is: a system that lets kids tear each other apart and call it entertainment.”

you blink. she’s still going.

“so now they want you. both of you, all cleaned up, all shiny and tragic and perfect. they want a narrative. and you gave them one, without even trying. two victors, a surprise kiss, and a bond they can’t explain.”

you’re shaking. you only realize it now.

“you didn’t mean to rebel,” she says, voice quieter now. “but you did. and snow? he’s deciding what to do about it.”

you don’t ask what that means. you already know.

“he hasn’t asked for you yet,” she continues. “but he will. you’ll be called to meet him. maybe both of you, maybe just you. and whatever he says, you’re gonna listen. you’re gonna smile. you’re gonna play the part. because if you don’t—”

she doesn’t finish that part. she doesn’t need to.

you understand the risk, even if your brain doesn’t want to fully accept it yet.

you breathe out, shallow and strained. “so is rafe okay?”

her expression softens. she nods slowly. “you’ll see him soon. not yet. but soon.”

your eyebrows furrow. your lips part. “how soon?”

“depends on snow.”

depends on snow? what he says?

you don’t want to cry. you already have, maybe in your sleep, maybe when you were unconscious, maybe during the games. you don’t want to give them more.

“i’m sorry,” enobaria says, again.

you stare at her. you don’t know what to say. you don’t think there’s anything left to say, so you just lie there, still and aching and confused.

and for the first time since waking up, you want to go back to sleep.

when you meet president snow and you see rafe for the first time.

you’ve been told it’s the day. the day you’ll finally get to leave.

the day your body, still bruised and bound with healing flesh, gets to leave behind the antiseptic rooms and sealed windows. they tell you your family has been notified, that preparations are being made for your return, that soon you’ll be going home, back to district two, back to your worried parents.

when the nurse helps you out of your hospital gown and into a soft grey set of capitol-issued clothes, she brushes through your hair slowly, avoiding the scabbing at your temple.

you don’t speak much. your throat still feels like it’s full of blood sometimes. your body has stopped aching the way it used to, though your legs don’t hold you like they did before the games. everything inside you still feels raw but . . . dulled.

the nurse offers you a smile as she finishes, tucks a strand of hair behind your ear like you’re a child, and says something quiet you don’t quite register. you nod anyway, and she leaves.

the door closes.

you wait, hands folded, eyes on the window that doesn’t open. but when the door opens again, it’s not her that returns.

it’s peacekeepers.

not just one. but three.

your heart skips, not out of surprise. there’s been protocol, always guards posted, always quiet footsteps and mirrored glass. but this is different. they’re facing you, and they don’t speak.

you stare at them.

one of them gestures, not unkindly, just expectant. so it takes a second to move, but you do, slowly. you think at first they’re just escorting you down to the lobby to make sure you get on the train-ride home until you realize you’re in an entirely different wing of the building.

“where are we going?” you ask, voice quiet, barely used.

no answer. no need, apparently.

you walk. the hallway is unfamiliar, and that’s what makes the fear start creeping up again. the walls are too quiet and you swear the doors you pass look more sealed than open. you swallow, but the dryness in your mouth makes it harder to breathe.

you think of your parents, the promise of seeing them again, the idea of falling into their arms, or hearing your name spoken with warmth again. are they here, or?

you’re about to ask again, panic starting to swell, when the hallway bends, and you stop.

because up ahead, standing in front of a set of tall, dark doors, is someone you haven’t seen since the arena.

you don’t realize how tightly your chest is pulled until you see him and everything inside you lurches forward. your legs want to run before your brain even catches up. it’s instinct, it’s him and he really is alive. he’s real.

“rafe,” you breathe, like his name alone could close the distance.

his head turns slowly, and it takes only one look.

his posture doesn’t change, but his eyes meet yours and something behind them tightens. he lowers his chin just slightly, and shakes his head. sort of like a warning, and you feel it immediately. it’s like not here. not now.

you stop yourself as your lips press together.

you feel your face fall, just for a second, brows twitching in confusion. you want to ask why. you want to reach. but there are guards behind you, guards beside you, and rafe’s gaze tells you all you need to know.

you walk until you’re beside him, both of you facing the doors now.

you’re standing still, shoulder to shoulder with him but not touching, not speaking, not even breathing too loudly, because the peacekeepers are behind you like stone statues.

your eyes are just fixed on the wood. rafe’s head stays low, chin dipped like he’s glaring at the seam between the two doors. he looks carved out of stone, honestly unreadable and serious. you don’t dare look at him too long.

your chin is lifted slightly, but your fingers begin to tingle. they’ve done that on and off since you saw the peacekeepers. it’s like pins and needles, it’s anxiety. so you move your fingers just slightly, shifting them where they hang at your side.

then something brushes your hand. you almost flinch.

your first instinct is fear, it always is now, but then you recognize it. that warmth.

the kind that found you before the interviews, when you were being pushed into heels and corsets and coached to smile in front of thousands. that small, wordless gesture that had steadied your pulse when you needed it most. you remember how his fingers had ghosted across yours then, and how you’d leaned into it like it was the only real thing in the room.

now he does it again.

he moves slowly, subtle. it makes you hesitate. your hand hangs loose at your side, and you don’t dare turn your head, but you feel his knuckles brush yours again. it’s light, like a question or like a check-in. you don’t answer for a beat.

then slowly you move your fingers toward his, inch by inch. you feel him still, feel him hesitate the same way, feel him breathe through it.

your pinky bumps his, he doesn’t pull away, so you press again, and finally, finally, your hands find each other in the middle, barely touching at first, then his hand shifts open and yours slides into it like it was always meant to be there.

his palm is warm. your fingers tighten, and so do his.

the last time you felt his touch was when you thought you were aboit to die.

but this, it’s in a way to connect after the games. you want to think it’s rafe’s way of telling you it’s going to be okay, or maybe it has something to do with his thoughts from the arena. maybe a thank you? you aren’t sure actually if he’s appreciative that both of you are alive right now, at least to an extent.

but still, it’s comforting knowing he still wants to show this to you, despite everything. he’s just glad you’re okay.

you exhale just a little in a quiet, shuddered sigh as if you’ve been holding that breath for years. but rafe doesn’t move. he doesn’t even look at you. doesn’t wanna give anything away. he just breathes through his nose, spine straight, shoulder brushing yours.

the doors groan open.

your hands let go instantly, your fingers aching at the loss of his. your stomach flips at the sound of the hinges.

your eyes lift, and there he is.

sitting at the end of the room like a ghost in a throne, a single red rose gleaming at his chest, and that smile stretched thin across his face like it’s barely hiding the rot beneath.

president snow.

and he’s looking straight at you.

you glance sideways, and the peacekeeper closest to you jerks his chin forward, a silent command. your stomach turns.

your gaze flickers past him and lands on the table. a chair waits for you at the opposite end of snow, another one for rafe beside it.

your feet feel heavy, like they’re tethered to the floor, but you make yourself move and you sit.

a second later, rafe’s shadow shifts beside you. he’s slower, heavier in his steps. before he even reaches the table, you see the sharp tilt of his chin, the way his head turns ever so slightly toward the peacekeepers who flanked him in. there’s a glare in his eyes, but they don’t even blink at him.

he eventually turns and lowers himself into the seat beside you. no touch, no glance. but you can feel him. he’s tense.

your eyes finally lift.

president snow is already watching you. not rafe, but you. like he’s been waiting for you to look up. like he knew you’d try not to, but in the end, he always gets what he wants.

he doesn’t smile. but there’s something in his expression that just fucking chills you. there’s no warmth or welcome. more like interest maybe.

you swallow again, throat dry.

his fingers tap lightly against the armrest of his chair, knuckles ringless, nails neat. every movement is careful, precise. he’s not here to rant or rage. he’s not that kind of monster. no, snow studies his prey first.

“well,” he begins, voice low. he leans forward just slightly, folding his hands together atop the marble. “this isn’t quite how the story was supposed to end, is it?”

your hands are in your lap, fingers tangled, knotted tight. you don’t answer. neither does rafe. silence is safer. always.

snow lets the pause stretch a few seconds too long, like he enjoys watching you squirm.

“you believed, as victors, you’d be discharged back to your districts with some grand speech and a warm meal, a parade, a new house, a fresh start.”

his eyes harden.

“but that’s not what you earned.”

you blink, unsure if you heard him right. your eyebrows pull together, not quite angry, but confused.

snow turns his gaze fully to you now, and it pins you in place like a needle through silk. “you didn’t just win the games,” he says. “you rewrote them.”

your confusion only deepens. you feel your breath catch as he continues.

“your stunt in the finale,” he says, eyes flicking between the two of you, “has become more than just a tragic little act of desperation. the world saw something else. they saw love. devotion. defiance of death for the sake of another. it’s poetic. it’s dangerous . . . it’s useful.”

useful.

“and now,” he says, “that image must be maintained. not just for the sake of the capitol’s narrative, but for the stability of panem.”

you open your mouth, voice catching as you finally whisper, “what?” you stare at him like he’s speaking another language. “maintained?” you echo.

“from this moment on, the two of you will live in the public eye. you’ll smile at galas. you’ll sit side by side in interviews. you’ll hold hands, exchange sweet words, indulge in romantic gestures that reaffirm what the world already believes.”

he tilts his head slightly, like he’s giving you a gift. “you will be the capitol’s golden couple.”

you just . . . stare.

it doesn’t register at first. it sinks in slowly. it’s not like the plan itself is the worst thing in the world, it isn’t hell to pretend to be in love with someone like rafe. it’s just control.

you feel rafe shift beside you, not dramatically, just a subtle inhale through his nose. there’s another clench of his fist.

he finally speaks, and his voice is flat. “we already gave you what you wanted. we won.”

snow raises an eyebrow. “you won wrong.”

you swear the air in the room turns to ice.

“do you understand what your actions caused?” snow ask. “two victors walking out alive was not a triumph. it was a complication. and now i have to clean it up. i have to shape the outcome into something palatable. something inspiring.”

you don’t even realize you’re holding your breath until your chest tightens.

“and the only way i could do that was to turn your little . . . suicide pact . . . into a grand, star-crossed victory,” he says it with disgust. “a romance so moving that it eclipses the rule you broke.”

“we didn’t do it for a narrative,” you whisper, anger threading under your voice now. “we did it because we didn’t want to die.”

snow gives the softest nod. “and yet here you are. alive. which means, from now on, you’ll live exactly how i tell you to.”

you glance at rafe again, and he’s already looking at you. there’s something in his expression that wasn’t there before. it’s not just anger, not just fear. it’s the crushing, soul-deep exhaustion of someone realizing that no matter how hard they fought, the game never really ended.

you feel like crying, but you won’t. not in front of him.

“and if we don’t go along with it?” rafe says.

snow’s smile is thin, like a slit in paper. “then perhaps the next year’s victors will be told a different story. one about two ungrateful champions who couldn’t bear the weight of their own fame. a tragic ending, of course. the kind that keeps the people on edge.”

your stomach flips.

you know what he means. what he’s not saying.

he’s threatening your families.

he’s threatening your lives.

snow watches you both with vague interest, the pads of his fingers resting thoughtfully against his cheek, elbow perched on the arm of the chair. there’s something leisurely about him now, like a man who just finished winning a game of chess and is wondering if he should give you a second chance, just for fun.

then he speaks again.

“let’s see it.”

you blink, unsure if you misheard. snow’s gaze doesn’t waver.

“go on,” he says smoothly, his eyes trained on the two of you. “hold hands. right here. on the table.”

your stomach turns.

you’ve been fiddling with your fingers this entire time, pressing your thumbnail into your palm, rubbing the ridges of your knuckles to keep from shaking. your hands are clammy.

you glance at rafe but he’s already looking at you. and he doesn’t move, but you can see the hesitation in his eyes. he doesn’t want to do this either.

it’s just holding hands. that’s all. but suddenly it feels like the worst thing he could’ve asked of you.

your breath hitches as you tear your hand out of your lap and, despite the shame, you reach across the table and slide your fingers into rafe’s.

his hand closes around yours. he moves slow, reluctantly, but it’s solid.

you stare down at them—your hands, intertwined on the wood surface like a staged photo, and something in you curdles. it’s not rafe’s touch that makes your heart pound. it’s the context, the control, the fact that nothing you’ll do anymore feels like your own decision.

you don’t look up. you can’t. but snow forces you to.

“look at me,” he says. you do. your spine straightens like a string’s been yanked.

“i see potential in you both,” he says, lifting his chin like this has all been so very civilized. “that’s the only reason you were allowed to win. but that win is conditional. it always was.”

his eyes meet yours one last time.

“make it worth it.”

@nicholaschavezslut69 @iissza @snowtargaryen @yootvi @ariiwritess @spideysimpossiblegirl @skyslowalking @adribarbie @obsessionsarenotfortheweak @0-tatiana-0 @beebeerockknot @rafestar @drewstarkeyzwhore @drewsephrry @annaconscience @writtenbyhollywood @yourtypicalteenagegirl @daisydark @v4mpscrms @issahruiz @ilovefictionallmenn @derpjungkook @vanessa-rafesgirl @sunny1616 @alphabetically-deranged @nrmlgirl @supercxnt @xoxosblogsblog @rafegetinmybed @siyahmoonlight @livie4lifestarkeyblyth @d-daxx @tsumudoll @ogcrashout @jjasmiineee @loverliner @ailimedae @belle101200 @hiimbrina @nomup @ayy1234567 @girxwrp @k4yr14 @amterasuu @theteenagementality @maggscr @hey-you22w @delilah22pbp @hayleynott @silkenthusiasts ++

[daengtokki]

part eight // serial killer!Kim Seungmin/afab reader

WC: 13k

RATING: mature/explicit/mdni—contains: self harm, hallucinations, monsters(?), medication mention, pregnancy, fluff...and a new OC

SYNOPSIS: Seungmin floats through life alone, haunted by his memories—keeping himself under control, and quieting his mind the only way he knows how…killing and watching the life leave his victims eyes. When you cross his path on a morning hunt, something new (something forgotten) starts to move inside of him, leading both of you on a path to confront the unspeakable past.

COMMENTS: Hi guys, I'm kinda back. I hope you all enjoy part eight! We still have a long way to go. Please reblog and help support me and my work! I love and appreciate you all very much ♡ ˎˊ˗

[ ML — DEITY MASTERLIST AND TAGLIST ]

TAGLIST: @kkamismom12 / @r0tt1n / @heluvschibi / @feckinbecky / @missystay / @seungluvr / @babrieeee / @curiouscocoabean / @feelikecinderella / @carpioassists / @soulsbbg / @san-axa0 / @vixensss / @keiizzx / @xyliskz / @reignessance / @velvetmoonlght / @ghostedgameplays

It’s not as bad as you thought it would be. It doesn’t look quite like how it sounded when it hit the floor, but each side of the music box separated from itself on impact, and now it’s a sad shell of its former self. You can fix it, though—you have to fix it.

You lower yourself for a closer look, making sure to avoid the sparkling glass covering so much of the floor. The glimmer of something else catches your eye, so you move carefully, pinch the silver chain between your fingers, and pull it from its tiny pool of water. “Can I wear this until it’s in one piece again?”

An odd request, maybe, but Seungmin doesn’t bat an eye at it. “You wanna wear St. Michael? Are you feeling guilty again, or…” he pulls his shirt over his head, sweat soaked from his workout—disposing of the body. “Feeling the snares of the devil?”

“Should I be feeling him?” That wasn’t a yes, but you clasp it around your neck anyway.

He smiles at you and shrugs.

“You’re no devil”

“No? You’re just blinded by me. Biased.”

“True. What did you do to me?”

His face falls in confusion. “Nothing. I mean…I always wondered if—“

“Minnie, I’m joking.” But he still has that worried look in his eyes. It’s been a while since you’ve seen it. “What have you always wondered?”

Now he seems reluctant to finish. Seungmin grabs his clean towel and shorts and looks toward the door, but he turns to you again. “…if I did do something to you that night. It’s silly.”

“When I passed out?”

“When you died,” he corrects you. “You were dead, no pulse. One minute and…forty seconds.”

“You never told me that”

“I never told you how long you were gone?”

“And that I had no pulse”

He takes a few steps toward you. “No, I guess I didn’t. I thought you knew.”

Seungmin touches the medallion on your chest, examines it, avoids looking directly at you. He’s thinking, you assume, about whatever it is he believes happened when you died for one minute and forty seconds. His hands are warm on your skin, and you’re already craving his touch again, but his mind seems to be somewhere else entirely.

“I was wearing it that night. Usually, I take it off when I go to bed, but I fell asleep reading.”

“What night?” You take his hand in yours, but he slips away and starts toward the door. “Seungmin, what night?” The air starts to feel thick with tension. Seungmin’s mind still turns so quickly sometimes, but not this quickly.

“Can we talk after I shower?”

/ / /

The living room fills with the scent of almond blossom tea and Seungmin’s steamy, citrusy shower. He spent a long time in there—washing away his kill, thinking of a way to tell you his story, wondering if it’s time. It has to be. Seungmin knows you’ve earned every truth he has to give. It’s the least he can do. He stares absently at the floor with his mug cupped in both hands. “The night my mom and stepdad died.”

Your mind goes every which way, wondering what direction his story is going to go in. “They both died the same night?”

“Yes. I should have told you this when you opened up to me months ago.”

“No, not if you weren’t ready”

It feels so complicated in his head, but telling you everything takes no more than ten minutes, even through the tears that eventually start falling. And in that ten minutes, you end up on the couch, Seungmin curled up in your arms for comfort. Still, he left out a few details, like her voice starting right there in the greenhouse; his trip into the woods hoping to be taken by the thing that lived there—still lives there.

He melts into you even more. “That’s worse than I could have ever imagined, my poor sweet Minnie.”

The ground in Uljin is sour, except for where his mother rests, and everything about your visit there starts to make sense. The shed is the rotting corpse of his stepfather, and its arms still reach far enough to hurt Seungmin. The garden he and his mother created; the greenhouse, and every single everlasting flower that it holds seems to keep him here, reaching a little further and giving you who you have in your arms.

“I’m so glad you made it through.”

“Did I? Sometimes it feels like I died back there…” he stops and sniffles, wipes his cheeks, “in the woods.”

“You didn’t. You’re here with me, like you’re supposed to be.”

Seungmin is exhausted, physically and mentally. His eyes close, and his body relaxes as he puts his arms around you again.

“The woods where he left you. The same ones from your dream last night?”

He mumbles a yes.

“The ones we drove through…I didn’t like those woods”

“There’s nothing to like about them”

“They felt haunted”

“That’s one way of describing it. They were like that long before I put him the ground, and now it’s worse. The dirt he’s decaying in hates me just as much as he did.”

“He’s still there? Is she?”

A long blank stare, followed by a slow nod. “Yes.” Seungmin looks at you, still so full of secrets, but he’s running out of energy to keep going.

“What did the rest of your family think happened?”

“That he killed her, and disappeared”

Now it’s your turn to close your eyes and relax in his embrace. Just learning about his past is tiring, and overwhelming. How could a nine year old come out of that? Seungmin did, but it damaged him so severely he can no longer live a normal life.

“I was sick before any of that happened, though,” he starts again. “Umma knew I was seeing and hearings, but she didn’t know what to do, except give me this…” He touches the necklace again, presses his lips to your chest, “and pray, read to me, surround me with flowers. But I was so much worse after he left me in the woods. And he didn't believe I needed a doctor."

For the first time in a long time, you’re lost for words. There’s not much you can say right now to bring him the comfort he needs, but your touch might help. You kiss his forehead, and rub his back until he lifts his head to look at you. He just stares, searching your face for something; waiting for more, maybe. Does he still think the things he tells you will scare you off?

“It’s genetic, isn’t it?” He asks.

“Yeah, I think so”

“So…the chances of one of them being sick—”

You knead your fingers into his neck and squeeze before he finishes. If only you could make this one worry go away. “They’ll be okay. We’ll worry about that when…if…the time comes.”

“Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“You’ve been seeing things, too. Has that ever happened before?”

“No”

/ / /

Why are you seeing things? The thought hadn’t occurred to you until now, because everything from the last several months has been some level of strange. The dreams felt like dreams, even after you discovered they were echoes of Seungmin’s nightmares, and even how easy and beautiful it felt to fall for him didn’t seem unusual. The truth is, that’s never happened to you...nobody has ever been as close to you as he is. The connection is preternatural. If there were ever time to use that word, this is it. “No, I’ve never even seen a ghost. Seeing that dog under the bed is the first time something like that has happened.”

“So, maybe it was really there”

You shake your head. “If so, it had to have slipped into a tear in the fabric of space…a wormhole. Or it’s just magic.”

“Like Bulgae”

“Bulgae?”

“Mm, they’re just mythical creatures, a fairytale I guess. The fire dogs that chase…oh,” he rubs his chin with his knuckles, and his eyes wonder around the room. They land on the window, where the quarter moon stares in. “They chase the sun and the moon. Do you think there’s a tear in space under my bed?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, Minnie”

“Are you up for a long drive tomorrow?”

Seungmin doesn’t like going home—you assume, and he doesn’t pretend it’s easy. He does it as if it’s a necessary pilgrimage to a partially sacred place. He has to fight through the oppressive evil to get to the little bit of warmth still existing there, and he’s succeeded every time so far. But this is only your second time accompanying him.

“You can sleep if you’re comfortable,” his fingers run down your arm and wrap around your wrist. “I can see how tired you are.”

Yesterday was exhausting, and your dreams kept you up most of the night. The dog returned, just the white one, but it didn’t try to hurt you. It didn’t even look at you. You watched it from the balcony as it struggled to reach what you assume was some representation of the moon; a glowing blue sphere in the middle of the city, far too low to be any celestial body. Upon waking up, you decided it had been the weirdest dream you’ve had in a long list of weird dreams.

“Okay.” You don’t fight him, or the overwhelming urge to close your burning eyes. “I’ll try.”

When you wake, the car is parked, and you’re alone. Seungmin kept the engine running, the music low, and the doors locked, and when he returns several minutes later, you’re already sound asleep again. He gets in as quietly and gently as possible with the bag full of snacks he’s hoping you’ll like, but for now, he’s happy to see you sleeping so soundly. And that’s what he does for a little while longer—he watches you, listens to you breathing, and wonders if you’re in the middle of a dream. He hopes not. Or if you are, it’s a good one. Neither of you seem to have much luck with that.

You groan and shift, and Seungmin can’t help but reach out for you. He swipes his fingertips across your forehead, tucks some hair behind your ear.

“Where are we?”

“Almost there”

“Did you get me something?” Seungmin digs around in the bag and holds it out for you. “Oh a triangle, thank you!”

“Mhm, if you eat two you can have your cookies”

“Did you get yourself something besides coffee?”

“I’m not very hungry”

When he eats, he eats well, but sometimes he goes far too long without. “You didn’t eat before we left.” You don’t push it, though. The trip might be the reason for his lack of appetite, so the sooner you start heading home, the better. “Do you wanna bite? Just a little one.” Seungmin watches you unwrap it, and when you hold it up to his lips, he opens up and takes a much bigger bite than you expect. “Good boy."

He stops chewing, and a slow smile starts to appear. “Hm?”

“Oh…uhm”

He covers his mouth as he finishes chewing and swallowing, but as soon as it’s down, he laughs softly behind his hand. “Say it again.” Seungmin leans forward and takes another bite.

“Good…” you kiss the top of his head, and he laughs despite his mouthful of tuna and rice, “good boy.”

“Thank you,” he washes it down with his coffee and points to the remaining piece, “your turn, both of them.“

“Can I have a sip of your coffee?”

Seungmin smiles again, pretends to think…he never actually says no to you. “Yeah, one little sip.”

The road you’re on isn’t one you recognize, but the trees and hills are very much what you remember from your December trip. It’s so much different now—it’s brighter, and more colorful. The blue sky makes everything look bigger, and much less claustrophobic, and you hope seeing it like this is a little easier on him. Flowers are blooming all over the sides of the roads, and at the edge of the woods you pass; in gardens and open fields. His backyard will at least be dry and warm this time around. The forest is no different. It’s oppressive and dark. Eerily quiet, except for a few bugs chirping in the darkest corners. You roll down the window and smell the air, and you decide it might be the only nice thing about it.

“What was that?” You turn the volume down on the radio and listen again.

“I didn’t hear anything”

You wonder if he did, and he’s just pretending he didn’t. “That…” An unmistakable rumble, like the echo of a car engine in the distance, but not quite. It cuts out abruptly, and that’s the last time you hear it. When you look at him again, his face is blank, and maybe a little bit pale, so you drop it.

When you finally, truly arrive, you’re not sure if the car will actually make it up the slight incline to park next to the house. It’s not dry at all. The surrounding area is still covered in a wet muddy mess, almost as bad as it was in December…but somehow, Seungmin makes it.

“You okay?”

“Huh…oh yeah, I’m good. Just not wearing the right shoes for this.”

“Most of the area stays pretty nasty until the snowmelt dries, and then it gets muddy again as soon as the rainy season starts.”

His door pops open, “stay there.” He rounds the car and opens yours, “okay,” and kneels down.

“Minnie, I can get a little muddy”

“I know, but you don’t have to. C’mon.”

All you can picture in your head is him slipping, falling, and you going down with him, but then you remember how easily he managed this ground last time. Seungmin isn’t clumsy on his feet, only in his head, and only sometimes. He reaches back for you and wiggles his fingers. “Okay, okay. Brace yourself.”

“For what?” He grunts when you put all of your weight on his back, but he still stands without a problem. “You should be heavier than this by now, right?”

“I’ve gained eight pounds since I moved in with you”

“Do you gain less with girls, and more with boys?”

“I’m not sure, remind me to google it”

“That seems like a silly question when I say it out loud”

“It’s not. Is that what we’re having?”

“Hm?”

Maybe it was a slip-up, or maybe he’s dying to finally tell you. “Girls? Is that what we’re having?”

“I thought you didn’t wanna know”

Part of you does, especially now that you’ve started working on the nursery—just another step toward it becoming your new reality. “Do you think the tech was right about it?”

“She seemed confident, and she’s been looking at ultrasound babies for a long time.” Seungmin kneels again, and you put your feet down on the concrete walkway outside the greenhouse.

“Have you been thinking about names?”

His little smile answers for you, even though he shakes his head. “Not much…not really.”

Warm air and the heady scent of a dozen different flowers hits you when the door swings open. Your eyes water from it, but you blink it away as he grabs your hand and pulls you in with him.

“Tell me one you like”

“A name I like…hm, there is one, but it might be too…me”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad thing”

“Ha-neul”

“Haneul…it sounds nice when you say it. What does it mean?”

“Sky”

“Oh, that’s perfect. I like it, too.”

He stares at the flowers, and his grip on your fingers tightens. “I can’t think of another name to compliment it, though. So I’m not sure.”

“Maybe it’s too early for this part”

Seungmin pulls you with him toward the purple flowers, and when you’re close enough to be filled with their scent and only their scent, he lowers himself and kneels in the much dryer soil. When you don’t immediately follow, he squeezes and tugs a little harder. It still feels like an intrusion into his most personal moments, but he wants you here, so you lower yourself next to him and hold tight to his arm.

Being here now is different—she’s there, right below you, beneath the purple bushes whose roots certainly reach as deeply as she’s buried. Seungmin’s mother exists in the flowers in a way you never thought possible, and that’s why he keeps them close. This is you finally meeting her, you think.

“Umma?”

He waits, and you’re perfectly still and quiet as the moments pass. And then a few more moments. It’s getting late, so you begin to hear the growing sound of insects crying in their hiding spots, but nothing else. Eventually, too much time and silence passes, so you squeeze his hand and look at him. “Seungmin?” You can see the stain of a tear on his cheek. He’s biting down hard on his lip to keep some composure, but it isn’t working very well. “What is it?”

“She’s not answering”

“Try again…say something else”

He nods and takes a deep breath. “Umma, nae mal deullyeoyo? Please say something.” The sound of his shaking voice hurts. You know there’s still no reply, even before he releases you and spreads his palms out over the ground—what you don’t know is if this is the first time she’s been silent, and it’s not a good time to ask. If it is, you can only assume it’s because of his Haldol. Seungmin hasn’t missed a dose in over a month. It’s taken hold, and the sound of his mother’s voice is no longer there. This might not be the best side effect. “Where did you go?” He leans forward until his forehead touches the cold ground, and your hand slides beneath his shirt at the same time. It’s warm, and it’s soft, and as much as he wants to scream, your touch helps keep him calm. A slow, deep breath, and his lungs fill with the scent of earth and heliotrope. She’s still here, he thinks. “I know you’re still here.”

Your hand slides across his back until he rises again, but he’s dizzy, and a sour, nauseous feeling starts to rise in his stomach and throat. He turns and crawls away just in time. Seungmin vomits, coughs, vomits again…or tries to. Nothing comes up, but his body keeps telling him to try.

“She is, Min. Just like last time, and the time before that.”

He isn’t sure what you’re saying, but he hears your voice despite the muffled ringing in his ears. It helps. Seungmin isn’t sure he could handle the silence alone. “I’m sorry.” A fistful of dirt comes with him as he stands, and he tosses it aimlessly towards the mess. “You heard it in the woods, right? That sound.”

“The rumble?”

“Yeah…the rumble”

“What was it?”

“Something umma told me was just in my head”

If it’s in yours, too, that still doesn’t mean it’s real. Seungmin is giving you more than just his dreams.

“Maybe she’ll talk to you”

“Me? No. Why would she talk to me?”

Seungmin shrugs, but he has his reasons. “Just hoping, I guess.” He wonders if your strange connection exists in this way, even if he can no longer hear her. You’re seeing things, and you’re dreaming like him…so maybe he hasn’t completely lost his connection to his mother.

You turn away and carefully lower yourself to the ground, but you’re not prepared for this—you have enough trouble talking to tangible people in front of you. Nothing happens right away. Just the sound of the bugs, and the wind picking up and pushing against the glass panels. The sun is finally setting behind the trees, and the orange glow coming in looks like fire. “Susie, are you there? Your son wants to speak to you.” All you can hear is the sound of Seungmin sniffling and pacing behind you. “I would like to talk to you, too” The wind pushes harder against the greenhouse, and the lonely wind chime catches it and starts to sing. It slows down, and you look away for a moment to watch the tops of the trees stop swaying in the distance. “Is that you?”

“Did she…?” Seungmin asks, but a moment later, another gust hits, and a glass panel cracks from the pressure. “Oh no.” He heads for it to inspect the damage, leaving you alone with the flowers as you try with everything you have to hear something. “It might be okay,” he says, mostly to himself as his finger runs over the superficial crack. The greenhouse has survived the elements for a very long time, and one little crack is not going to bring it down.

“She loves you very much”

His arm slides around your waist, and his hand spreads out across your stomach. There’s nothing there to see yet, even with twins—but you’re much softer where his fingers knead and squeeze. “You heard her?”

Did you? You don’t remember hearing anything except the wind—no voice in your ear, or in your head, just the overwhelming desire to tell him. “I’m not sure, but…she does, Minnie. She loves you, all of you, the good and the bad.”

“I was excited to tell her about the twins”

It hadn’t occurred to you that part of this trip was to tell her the big news…that he’s going to be a father. During the first trip here, he was quietly joyous about simply not being alone, and that also just occurred to you—he was still brand new to you. His happiness is still so lost in him sometimes, buried under too much grief and damage. “Tell her...” You grab and pull him so he’s kneeling next to you, but you’re not sure if he’ll actually try to speak again. If he thinks it, that’ll be good enough.

Umma? I’m sorry I can’t hear you.

He waits again, just in case there’s an answer this time.

I’m going to be a father. Well, I guess I already am, but…they might be born in September, just like me. We’re having—oh, I can’t say it out loud. It’s still a secret.

“No, you can tell us. I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” Seungmin whispers, and he smiles when you nod at him. You weren’t sure you’d get another one out of him for a while.

We’re having boys…identical boys, umma. I’ll be the father dad didn’t get the chance to be. I’ll make you both proud.

The hanok, for as long as it’s been sitting here uninhabited (“fifteen years,” Seungmin tells you, “it was like everyone but me just forgot it existed.”), is still in surprisingly good shape. The outside is somewhat neglected, but it’s solid, and the inside…you weren’t expecting to see the inside, but Seungmin had the key in his never-ending collection of keys...the inside is nice, but dusty and a little damp, and it almost looks like someone still lives here. There are clean dishes sitting on the counter, like they were almost put away in the cupboard above them. The faded curtain is pulled open just enough to see down the pathway that leads to the greenhouse, and…two pairs of shoes sit neatly by the door you walked through. A pair of sneakers, and next to them, a pair of rain boots.

“Seungmin, are those…were those yours?”

He looks to the spot you’re staring at, and nods. “Yes, they were mine.”

“Can I see your bedroom?”

The afternoon sun is pouring in through his window, and even with the curtains closed, it filters in and casts a warm glow over everything. His yo, rolled up and covered; a desk still holding a stack of books; the bookshelf, and a chest you can only imagine is full of whatever this little boy liked to play with. Now you’re hit with another realization, even though you knew…he really was just a baby when this nightmare happened to him. Seungmin sat at this desk and practiced his spelling and multiplying, and in the same breath, he had to kill his stepfather to save his own life.

“I saw this in one of my dreams”

“What did you see?”

“In the park, when I first told you I was dreaming about you…one of them was this, I think. Your window, the bedroom.” Seungmin passes by and pulls at the curtains, and the light is almost too bright as your eyes adjust. “We were laying in your bed, and the sun was bright just like this, but it must have been summer. There were flowers outside, yellow and purple flowers. That was a nice dream. You kissed me before I woke up.”

“I did?” He leans in quickly and places a kiss on your lips, “like that?” He tries again when you shake your head, this time right between your eyes. “There?”

“Nope, try again”

“Hm, how about…” a soft one against your temple, but he huffs when you shake your head again. “Where does dream you want a kiss?” His eyes scan every part of you as he thinks, and eventually, he grins and goes for your neck.

“Up a little…perfect.” In your head, you’re doing your best to remember every detail of that dream, but you can’t. It’s long gone. “What was that? Thunder?”

The sun is still shining, but on closer inspection he can see the dark clouds in the distance, slowly moving above the trees. “I think so.” Seungmin forgot how oppressive the view is from here…the darkness of the forest in front of him, even in the daylight, makes him uncomfortable. “I’ll check the heat, and the water. We can spend the night if…” the rain starts almost immediately. “If that’s okay.”

“Here? I don’t mind, but only if you’re comfortable staying.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Actually, since I met you, up until now has been the longest I’ve gone without visiting, or cleaning up. It’s hard, and as many bad memories as this place holds…it’s still all I have of her.”

“Then yeah, let’s make ourselves comfortable here and get a good nights sleep.”

Once the heat is on and moving through the floors, the house comes back to life in a whole new way—it’s warm, and it’s cozy. This, plus the few good memories…it’s easy to see why he hasn’t completely abandoned the house. Seungmin begins to hum as he walks around lighting candles, and once he’s satisfied with his placement, he turns the lights low and joins you on the doubled up mattress in the middle of the floor. “Did you have enough to eat?”

“Mhm”

“Do you need more water?”

“No, I’m good. I’m comfortable.”

He touches your neck and pulls you close for a kiss. “Warm enough?”

More of the dream comes rushing back to you. “Perfect. I’m with you, I couldn’t be better.”

“Yeah…so you still like me?”

The face you make sends him into a fit of quiet laughter, and it might be the biggest smile you’ve seen him crack since he saw the twins two weeks ago. Seungmin has never given you a good full-body laugh. It’s a beautiful sound, and an unusual one, because it’s so new to you. You can help but laugh with him. “Yeah, I think I still like you.”

“Good. If I think too much about us only knowing each other for four months, I start to wonder—“

“Don’t wonder”

“Don’t?”

“Trust me when I say I’ve found the one. So…boys?”

He smiles just as wide again, and the sparkle in his eyes tells you everything he wants to say. “Boys.” He nods and whispers. “I hope it makes it more real for you, and you’ll be happy with so many boys running around.”

“It does, and I am. I can’t wait for you to meet them.”

It’s too warm eventually, and when you start to kick off the fluffy blanket, you know something is missing. Your leg slides across the mattress, and your blurry eyes pop open to his empty pillow. “Minnie?” You sit up and realize just how warm the house is—you rub a hand across your chest and wipe away the sweat starting to gather there. Maybe he got up to turn the heat down, or crack a window. “Seungmin?” You know you’ll have to get up at some point, so you just get it over with now. Maybe he’s in the bathroom. Why is your heart starting to race? Nothing is happening, nothing is wrong, so stop panicking. Your feet hit the floor, and the panic gets a little bit worse. Nausea works its way through you.

The bathroom is empty, and his bedroom is, too. The only other bedroom, his mother’s, is also empty, but you weren’t expecting him to be in there. There’s nowhere else except outside, and it’s still raining. The car is there, you can see it from the kitchen window, and when you finally head for the door, you can see it hasn’t been pulled shut far enough to lock. He is outside. You open the door and look out into the dark fog. Why would he come out at this hour?

“Seungmin! Dammit, you better answer me!”

Just the patter of rain on the roof and the windows. Nothing else. You almost go for your shoes, but putting them on seems pointless. All you’ll do is ruin them, and walking around in wet, muddy shoes as you search for him sounds much less appealing than doing it in your bare feet. The first step onto the grass is unpleasant, but after a few more, it’s fine, and you walk as quickly as you can toward the greenhouse.

hey

“Minnie…Min, was that you?”

You heard it, even through the rain, but he’s not in there. Seungmin is definitely not in there, and you don’t want to get any closer than absolutely necessary. The shed looks even worse than it did last time, and just opening the door feels like it could be disastrous. A few loose nails and pieces of rotting wood in the right spots, and the whole thing comes crashing down around you. But maybe that would bring Seungmin out from wherever he’s hiding. “You in there, Min?” You whisper and close the gap, reach for the chain, and pull. “Why would you be?” It creaks so painfully loud, and the inside is dark and empty, just like you expected. “Greenhouse…greenhouse.” The door slams shut as you try not to break out into a run, but every hair on your body stands up.

The greenhouse is a welcome reprieve. It’s warm inside, but just like the shed, it appears to be empty. “Fuck…Seungmin! Where are you?” You’re wet and starting to shiver, and the mud has covered you up to your ankles already. “You’re gonna be mad at me for coming out here…but, but…”

Sweetie

You spin around, looking for whoever is clearly speaking to you. “Who’s there? Seungmin why are you doing this?”

my little boy isn’t here

“Susie?”

he doesn’t know what he does when he comes here, and he’s doing it again…my poor sweet puppy

“Where is he? Where did he go?”

the forest

“He went into the woods?” The nausea worsens when you think about him lying in a clearing somewhere, lost in the dark. “Why would he do that?”

There’s no more voice. Susie goes quiet. “Okay, I have to find him.”

How, you have no idea, but before you even attempt to walk further than the greenhouse, you run back to the house and throw open every closet. Most of them are still full of their things, so finding a raincoat is easy, and finding his mother’s rain boots is a relief after the mess you made all the way up to your knees. You clean up before slipping into them, and they fit well enough. The raincoat is a little small, but not enough to keep you from wearing it. The only light you can find is an oil lamp under the kitchen sink, not a single flashlight in any drawer…and your phone certainly won’t do any good. But it works—the oil is good, and there’s plenty of wick soaking in it, so it lights easily. “This might be my only luck tonight." The rain slows a little, and half of the sky clears up enough to see the moon and stars. It’s enough to orient yourself before they disappear again behind the trees, and a quick look at the compass on your phone is the last thing you do before silence falls around you. The trees hold up the rain, and the dense fog seems to take in everything else.

“Minnie!” Your voice falls flat—no echo. A twist of the knob raises the wick just a little, and the light intensifies.

For a while, you count your steps. Walking in a straight line is impossible, but you follow what looks like a trail the best you can, because you don’t want to think about getting lost in here without him. At one hundred steps, you stop and call for him again.

Fifty more, you call again. Everything is still eerily quiet, and if anything was walking around near you (“fuck, don’t think about that…don’t”), you’d know it. Twigs would snap, and the muddy forest floor would give almost anything away.

Fifty more steps. You set the lamp down and cup your hands around your mouth, and this time an echo moves through the trees. The rumble answers back. “No…not you.” What the hell was that? “Seungmin…please.” You force yourself further in; twenty…thirty…forty steps, and then you stop and rest on a stump. These woods are so much like the ones you walked through when you were a kid—thick, and dark, and quiet. But Mothman never got you, and whatever is living in this forest won’t get you, either. You hope. A sudden fear moves through you, though, and calling for Seungmin again seems like an invitation for something else.

I’ll just look for a while…no calling

Whatever lives here would be much deeper anyway…right? I’ve barely walked a quarter of a mile in

but I’ve been screaming for the last fifteen minutes, and if Seungmin’s in here…why IS he in here? Is he looking for something? Is he sleepwalking? No, he’s never done that before

What if this place is more than haunted, and you’re slowly slipping into some other place? What if there’s no going back after this? You’re pushed back in time again, to the dirty living room carpet and your bare feet sinking in. Dad is right behind you in his armchair, sound asleep, so you managed to swipe the tv remote from him.

You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas…

“There’s a signpost up ahead…” you whisper to yourself in a strange attempt to self-soothe. "Your next stop—" You had a nightmare after watching that episode, and you remember it well. “God, maybe I've been dead this whole time.” The warmth of the medallion on your neck is suddenly very apparent, and you rub St. Michael between your fingers.

who are you?

“No, I’m not hearing anything else. Shut the fuck up.”

we don’t recognize you

“Seungmin!” You’re up and walking as fast as you can on the uneven ground, but the mud and heavy lamp are weighing you down. And then you see him. Or you see something. It moves across the trees in the shadow of your light. If it is him, he would have heard you and answered. “Hello?” Your voice shakes.

hello?

“Who’s there?”

He appears from behind a tree, and stares at you, silent.

“Seungmin…oh my god.” He doesn’t move when you run to him, and when you drop the lamp and throw your arms around him, he’s warm and still. “Minnie, baby, are you okay?” No answer, but his arms wrap around your shoulders and pull you close. “What are you doing out here? I was so scared.”

“Don’t be scared”

“Can we please go back?”

“Back?”

It takes some effort to free yourself, but you pull away and look at him. The lamplight is casting a strange shadow on his face, and now you’re back in your nightmare at the Jasmine Hotel. “Am I dreaming. Are we having a nightmare?”

“No, I’m awake”

“Can we go back?”

He takes your hand when you hold it out for him, and he leads the way.

Seungmin is covered in mud. He’s drenched, and pale from the cold rain, but he doesn’t seem to be shivering the way that you are. His hand is warm, like he just woke up from a good sleep, and when he turns his head to look at you, he smiles.

“Why did you—“

“You must be cold, Tokki. I’ll run you a warm bath when we get back, and make you some tea.”

The walk back is quick, and he finds his way out easily. The rain passed while you searched for him, and now the sky is clear, so the light of the moon guides you the rest of the way.

Seungmin is quiet in the kitchen, but you can hear him filling the kettle and lighting the stove, the clink of mugs, and his soft voice as he starts to sing. You wash up quickly, drain the muddy bath water and start to refill it as his voice gets closer and closer.

“You’re supposed to be relaxing in there,” he says it with a lighthearted sternness.

“I feel better. It’s your turn.”

He doesn’t fight you. Seungmin hands you your tea and starts to pull off his damp clothes. You want to question him again, but you’re not sure when to do it—after he gets comfortable in the tub, or when you get him back into bed? He might fall right to sleep once his head hits the pillow.

“What kind of tea?”

His shirt is tossed and hits the floor with a wet thud, followed by his sweatpants, and then his boxers. “Raspberry leaf, with a little bit of sugar. I know it can be bitter."

So he's in there; he remembered the tea he brought, and he remembered that you couldn't stomach it without some sugar. “Did you do that to yourself?” Two long scratches along his collarbone stick out against his pale skin. Another three run across his shoulder blades.

“You don’t have to stay with me. Get back into bed and get warm.” He lowers himself into the hot water, and lets himself sink in up to his chin.

“No…we need to talk, Seungmin”

“What do we need to talk about?”

He looks at you, and there’s nothing about him that seems defiant. The memory of what just happened might already be fading away. “Min, do you remember waking up and leaving the house? I woke up and you were gone, and I couldn’t find you anywhere. I was scared.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Sweetie. It was his mother that told you where he went. “What were you doing?”

He shakes his head, “I’m not sure.”

“You’ve done it before.”

“I have? How do you know?”

Pushing him for answers won’t help, because now you’re remembering the whispers in the greenhouse. He doesn’t know what he does when he comes here, and he’s doing it again…my poor sweet puppy. His mother spoke to you very clearly. Seungmin wanders into the woods every time he spends the night here, and he doesn’t remember doing it. He enters a dissociative fugue, and it’s continuing even with the medication. “Have you been taking your Haldol?”

“I have, I promise”

You know he has, because you’re usually with him when he does. And because her voice is gone. “I don’t know why I asked that, I know you are.”

“You shouldn’t have been out there in the rain. You could’ve gotten hurt, or lost. It’s my job to take care of you, and I failed.” Tears start to well in his eyes, and you don’t think you can stand to see him cry right now.

“But I’m okay, and you’re okay. We’re gonna get back into bed and sleep all morning, and then we’re going home.”

“Home?”

“Home”

/ / /

Another heavy storm passes through, and it keeps you up for a little while longer, but when you wake around noon, Seungmin is fast asleep next to you. Whatever he did when he disappeared into the woods exhausted him, because he never sleeps in this late. Maybe it’s this place, though, and not just his strange wandering. You need to know what happened in there, and what was going on in his head, but you don’t expect him to remember much.

“Mmm…morning,” he mumbles when you pull the blanket over his bare shoulder. The heat turned itself off while you slept, but you’re too cold to get up and fix it. Seungmin shivers a little, and you know it’s because he was too tired to find something to wear after his bath. “Cold.”

“I know, it’s cold in here…c’mere.” He moves closer and lets you wrap yourself around him. “How are you feeling?”

Seungmin groans and sighs.

“You can sleep more if you need to, or I’ll make some coffee”

“No, I’m up”

“Okay…do you remember last night, Min?”

Seungmin nods, but you have your doubts. Before the two of you even got into bed the first time, you talked. As a matter of fact, you and Seungmin talked more than usual. Not hearing his mother’s voice bothered him more than he lead you to believe at the time, and you think he may have been considering stopping his medication. He didn’t say that, but you could feel it.

“I remember, yeah. We had dinner, and we talked…we talked about names more.”

That part of the baby name conversation actually slipped your mind, but you remember now.

“Ha-neul,” he says again, because it’s still on his list. “And…”

“And something with Hwa or Hae, yeah?”

“Hae? Ha-neul and Hae…sung?”

The unexpected third part of the conversation might be the last one concerning names, at least for a while, because the way he’s looking at you is a very loud please, say yes to these. It almost makes you want to drop the questioning and return to it later.

“We’ll put those in the yes column”

But you can’t.

“Good. We can still think about it, but they do sound nice together.”

Seungmin seems happy; genuinely happy, despite how strange yesterday really was, and you hate having to ruin it. “You woke up last night…early this morning, I guess. Very early.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I woke up around two and you weren’t in bed. You weren’t anywhere in the house, or the greenhouse. Seungmin, I couldn’t find you…anywhere.”

He looks at you like you’re joking, but his face falls when he realizes you’re being very serious. “I don’t understand.” He sits up and looks down at himself, seems to realize he’s naked under the blankets, and wraps them tight around himself. “Was I sleepwalking?”

“I’m not sure, but I guess it’s possible”

“I don’t think I’ve ever done that before”

He doesn’t know what he does when he comes here, and he’s doing it again…my poor sweet puppy

“How often did you spend the night here? Before me.”

“Maybe… maybe once every month or two. Where was I?”

There is no memory of anything behind his eyes. They soften as they search yours for the answer you’re trying to give to him, and you can see the puppy coming out. “In the woods. I found you about a quarter of a mile in, soaking wet, covered in mud.”

“No, why would I do that? I don’t like going in there when it’s daytime, and last night was…”

"I know"

“Why would I do that?” He says it again, more to himself this time. “Why?” Seungmin rocks a little and takes a deep breath. “Are you sure it wasn’t a dream?”

Without another word, you rise from the bed and head for the bathroom.

“Where are you going?”

You understand his hesitancy in believing you, or believing it wasn’t just another strange dream. The whole thing being a nightmare isn’t far fetched at all, for either of you, but his muddy clothes are still on the bathroom floor. You hear him following closely behind.

“You took a bath, and we talked a little.” You show him in the clothes, and he examines them silently. “You didn’t remember anything last night, either. But you seemed fine…you made me tea, and…take that off, look at your neck.”

He pulls it down and examines himself in the mirror. “Did I do that in my sleep?”

“And your back”

The blanket drops to the floor. His scratches aren’t as red and angry as they were a few hours ago, but they broke open and bled a little in his sleep. “Looks like claw marks”

“Claw marks, from what?” From whatever made him go there in the first place. “I think you backed into a tree, Minnie…that’s all you were wearing out there.” You nod to his pile of clothes, and then occurs to you to check his t-shirt. The back of it is dirty, but that’s all—no rips, no blood. “Maybe.”

/ / /

The rain clouds are returning again, and the overcast sky is making your bad mood so much worse. You weren’t expecting the trip to go well, but this was beyond anything you could have imagined. Now you can’t help but stare off into the woods as Seungmin starts the ritual of collecting his heliotrope.

“Are you still here?” You whisper. Part of you is wondering if some of last night was a dream, or a hallucination, because the voices you heard are beginning to come back to you. All of them. “Please say something to him.” When you turn, he’s holding his arms tight against his chest, head down, as if he’s protecting himself from something. “What’s the matter, Min?”

“Nothing”

At any moment, he could break—that’s what he looks like standing there…like the last leaf preparing to fall off the tree, or a glass of water halfway off the edge of a table. One little gust of wind could topple him. So why are you hesitating to go to him? “Do you need help with anything?” You take a few slow steps toward him, but he turns away ever so slightly.

“N-no, no. I’m fine.” He bends and picks up the shears at his feet. “I’m okay.”

You catch his gaze for just a moment. His face is pale and tired, and you wish he would have slept longer. You almost want to stay another night, just not here, so he doesn’t have to drive. “Seungmin, talk to—“ You grab his elbow and make him look at you. “…me.”

“I’m sorry”

All you see is red, and you can smell it on him. “What did you do? Let me see.” The blood is coming from somewhere on his arm, but you can’t tell where. All you know is that it’s all over him, soaking the front of his shirt, starting to drip from his elbow.

“I cut too deep”

That explains his lifeless face. Everything around you is covered in dirt, so you reach into his back pocket. The embroidered handkerchief is there, like it always is. “Why’d you hurt yourself, love?” He’s had enough trauma for one trip.

“I didn’t mean to…make such a mess...ah," he winces when you push it down against the cut.

The thought of him running those shears along his skin makes you tense up. Whether he meant to cut or not, something in him wanted to put the blade on his arm in the first place. “It’s okay, baby, I’ll take care of it.” You hold as tightly as you can. "But we need to get back to the house.”

It’s starts to rain again, of course, and some of the blood washes away with it, but it doesn’t stopped by the time you get to the kitchen and examine it again. Blood pools in the cleanly cut skin and slowly drips down his forearm. Seungmin watches intently, and very calmly. “I think it slowed down,” he whispers.

“Not enough. You need stitched up.”

“I’m sorry I did that in front of you.”

“In this case, I’m glad you did it in front of me so I can at least take care of it. Is there a first aid kit somewhere in the house?”

“Uhm, yes, I think it’s still in that top drawer,” he nods toward the kitchen sink. “But it’s old.”

Better than nothing. You wrap him back up with a clean towel, rifle through a drawer you remember from last night, and you find it all the way in the back. It’s full of the most basic things, but it’ll do for now. You clean it…Seungmin holds in a cry and stomps his feet for that, and tears run freely down his cheeks after the burning finally stops. Two rolls of gauze later, you wonder how long the blood will take to soak through completely. “I should take you to an emergency room before we go home.”

“I don’t want to do that”

“So we’ll go after we get home. It’s one or the other, Seungmin, because you need stitches.”

“Fine, we’ll get it over with here”

Seungmin’s mood starts to match yours, but his injury pulled you up a little—concern quickly replaced the confusion and anger, but now he’s confused and angry. You know it was intentional, but you decide to believe he didn’t mean to cut as deeply as he did, and by the time you get to a hospital, the gauze is already turning pink.

“Thank you for driving”

“Thank you for navigating”

“You did very well. I remember being here once, when I was…five or six.” He looks around the waiting room, and everything is so old, you assume it looked the same twenty years ago. “I broke a finger.” Seungmin holds up the ring finger on his right hand.

“Yeah, it looks a little crooked. Never noticed that before.”

“Kim...Kim Seungmin?”

A tall man holding a clipboard stands in the open doorway, and he looks directly at Seungmin in the crowded room. “You can follow me…both of you, if you’d like.”

He stands, hand still gripping yours. “Oh, he said you can come.”

The hallway leading to the partitioned rooms is just as aged. The colors are drab and depressing, and the smell of disinfectant almost chokes you.

“Have a seat, and I’ll take a look at this”

“Are you the doctor?” Seungmin asks, and he looks around nervously, but the man shakes his head. “Do you speak English?”

“No, I’m a nurse. And yes, I can speak English…why? Oh…” he looks at you and smiles awkwardly. And he switches easily from Korean to English. “I’m sorry, you don’t speak Korean?”

You shake your head and try not to feel like a burden.

Seungmin stretches his arm out as the nurse pulls his gloves on and slowly unwraps the bandage. “I just like her to know what’s going on.”

“Of course. Does this hurt?” He sees Seungmin wince as he gets closer to the wound. “I guess so. May I ask what happened?”

“Gardening accident. Very sharp tools.”

One last loop, and the bloody bandage is finally off of him. “Working in the greenhouse?” The cut still oozes blood, but much slower than before.

“Huh?”

“You don’t recognize me, do you?”

Seungmin looks at you, as if you have the answer for him, and then back to the nurse. “I thought you looked liked him, but it seemed impossible. You came back, Heecheol?”

The nurse nods, and his smile grows because his friend recognizes him. “You haven’t changed at all, Seungmin. Same face, same sad puppy eyes.”

You have to smile at that. Seungmin was a puppy to the people around him—at least the ones he cared about, and who cared for him in return. Before speaking again, Heecheol examines the cut with gentle hands, and then excuses himself for a moment to get a suture kit.

“You’re stitching it?”

“Yes. Unless you prefer a doctor, but they usually ask me to do them anyway.”

“When did you move back to Uljin?”

He re-gloves and opens the package before cleaning from Seungmin’s elbow to the middle of his forearm. “About a year ago. Living in the states was fine, but I think I needed a change.”

“Where did you live?” You chime in, and he gives you the same warm smile.

“Greensboro, and then Charlotte for a while”

“I can hear some accent in your English”

“I can hear yours, too…I’m guessing you weren’t far from there”

You nod and smile.

“Do you two live here in Uljin? Are you married? Oh, uhm, I’m just assuming you’re a couple. Sorry.” He focuses again, grabs the syringe full of lidocaine, and holds tight to Seungmin’s forearm. “This will pinch for a moment, but…after that it’ll feel much better.”

Seungmin nods and watches the needle slide in and out at each corner of his cut. The pinch doesn’t seem to bother him. “It’s fine. Not married, and we were just visiting. We live in Seoul.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Min. Is…Heecheol,” you have trouble with this pronunciation, but he doesn’t seem to mind, “is he the friend you told me about? The color one?”

“Yes, this is him”

“The color one?”

“What’s your favorite color?” Seungmin says, and he actually smiles. He’s smiling at him the way he does for you when he’s feeling good. “Is yours still green?”

“You remember that?”

“I remember everything. Good and bad.”

“Right, I’m so sorry about your mother, Seungmin. I didn’t even know you lost her until my mom told me last year. She moved back here after my dad died, and now I’m taking care of her. She doesn’t have much time left…”

“She's sick?”

Heecheol nods solemnly as he checks the feeling of Seungmin’s arm. “Yes, end stage heart failure.”

“I’m sorry, Cheoli”

“I’ve had time to prepare and come to terms with it, which a lot of people don’t get. I am grateful for that.”

“Do you think she would still remember me?”

“My mom loved you, and she hated pulling us apart. She would, and she would love seeing you again—I’m sorry, I’ll be right back. I need different sutures.”

Seungmin turns to you when he disappears behind the curtain, and he looks like he’s ready to burst. His eyes are wide and watery, and his cheeks are starting to turn pink.

“What are the odds we’d run into him?” You run your thumb over the scar beneath his eye and wait for a tear to fall, but nothing comes. "Even in a small town?"

“It’s strange. Today has been very strange.”

After a few moments of silence, he returns, and he looks at both of you as if he’s figuring out how the two of you found each other. And how the two of you found him. “All ready, sorry.”

“It’s okay, we’re in no rush”

His mood has changed significantly, and now he has a very big reason to stick around a little longer. This place is not good for him, but you think his friend might be enough to outweigh the bad. The three of you are silent as he very carefully closes the wound, and he’s good at it. Heecheol is focused on his task, but every few seconds, his eyes move up to look at Seungmin—they look him over as if he could disappear at any moment and he doesn’t want to forget a single detail. Just as he’s finishing up, he does it again, and this time, Seungmin looks as well.

“I know you’re numb, but does it feel okay? Any pulling?”

“No, it’s good. It’s perfect.”

“I’m going to put a second skin bandage on it, over some gauze, and you won’t even have to think about it. Just go easy for a few days…no sliders…no fastballs.”

“I haven’t thrown a baseball in ten years”

It feels like you’re intruding. You don’t need to be here listening to them remember the past, even though you want to know more about the good parts of his childhood.

“How long will you be in town?”

“Well, we planned on heading home after I got stitched up”

There’s some hesitancy in his voice, and you know Seungmin is changing his mind about going home so quickly. You have no intention of pulling them apart again because the string between them is already reconnecting. It's obvious that the same force that ties you to him ties the two of them together as well.

“Maybe I’ll catch you next time,” he says, and as much as he tries to sound like he’s fine with it, he doesn’t.

“We can stay a little longer…if that’s okay with you”

Seungmin looks at you with his big wet eyes, as if you would ever say no to him. “Of course we can."

“Shift change is in…” Heecheol looks at his watch, “an hour. If you don’t mind waiting for me.”

/ / /

The weather finally changes. The rain stops, and the sun comes out, so Seungmin paces just outside the entrance to the hospital as you wait for him to speak. There’s a smile twitching on his lips, and you assume he’s thinking about his friend, and their past.

“How old were you when he moved?”

He stops and takes a seat next to you on the bench, and you’re relieved when he grabs your hand and squeezes. This was the first time since being with him that something truly got his attention more than you, and you have to admit that you’re a little jealous.

“I was eight…it was the summer before everything happened. We never even had the chance to say goodbye to each other.”

“I’m glad you found him again”

The doors slide open, and Heecheol walks out, freshly showered and out of his scrubs. He’s handsome; a sharp, fox-like face, and a sweet smile. The bounce in his step might not have been there a few hours ago, but it's there now, and it adds to his natural charm.

“Thank you for being so patient with me”

He makes sure to look at both of you as he speaks, but his eyes return to Seungmin and stay there. Had this one stopped and talked to you on the street, he would have caught you, too.

“Of course. Should we pay your mother a visit? Is she expecting us?”

“I called her and let her know. You’ve already made her day.”

Seungmin is nervous, and his legs are heavy as he walks up to the second floor. Memories are flooding back to him—racing up the four flights of stairs, and always losing because Heecheol’s longer legs carried him further. He has the stamina, but was never very fast. Luckily his arm was made for pitching. Was. Now, for the first time since he was fourteen, he’s wondering if he can still do it.

“She doesn’t get out much since the building has no elevator…just on good days.”

Good days that are few and far between, Seungmin guesses. Her heart won’t pump her blood the way it should anymore, and she’s slowly suffocating because of it.

“But we have a nice view of the water, and spring is coming early”

The front door clicks and creaks as he pushes it open, and the inside looks almost the same as he remembers it. After fifteen years and a move across the world, Seungmin expected some change, but he’s relieved that there’s so little.

“Umma, we’re here,” he calls out softly, and then looks to Seungmin. “Do you want some tea, or coffee?”

“No, I’m okay”

He heads for the kitchen anyway, and whatever he’s doing seems like routine. Electric kettle filled and on, mug from the cupboard, loose leaf tea scooped into a silk bag.

“Look at you, you’ve gotten so tall”

Her weak voice floats to him, and more memories unlock. “Eomoni!” It feels like no time has passed—he feels like a kid again, and he feels safe. Everything was good when he was here with Cheoli and his parents. There was no stepfather around, watching every movement, and judging every word.

“Seungmin-ah, you’ve grown into such a handsome young man.” She takes a few more steps toward the kitchen, but decides to take a seat on the couch instead. Seungmin can hear her labored breathing.

“Umma, where is your oxygen?”

“It’s giving me a headache”

Heecheol disappears into the bedroom, and he returns with a small pack slung over his shoulder, and a nasal cannula in hand. “You should have told me this was almost empty.”

“I have plenty, now you…come over here so I can see you better.” Everything about her, from her voice, to her face, to her informal mannerisms, is the same. She’s older than Seungmin’s mother would be now, but not by much. It’s the illness that’s aged her. “Yes, come sit with me.” His hand is squeezed between hers, and they’re cold against his warm skin. “Cheoli missed you so much, did he tell you that?”

“Umma…”

“What?” She turns, and Heecheol adjusts the cannula to her nose. “He tried finding you when he moved back last year, but he had no luck. And here you are!”

“I wasn’t sure if you had moved or not, but when I found out about…what happened, I figured you moved away.” Heecheol says.

“I live in Seoul, eomeonim. I’ve been there for five years”

“In Seoul? All by yourself?”

“With his girlfriend, umma”

“A girlfriend?” She says it as if it’s a shock, and her hands squeeze even tighter.

“Umma! Please…”

“Hush. How long have you two been together?”

Saying it is going to sound silly, especially considering the seriousness of everything between you. “Four months.”

“Four months?” Heecheol stops what he’s doing to look at Seungmin.

“Yes. It feels like we’ve known each other much longer, though.”

He nods, “that’s good…I’m glad you found someone, Min.”

“Do you…?” He shakes his head before Seungmin finishes asking the question. His friend is handsome, but Heecheol has always been very particular about things, and even more introverted than him. He probably hasn’t changed much. “It’s a strange feeling to have someone when you’ve been alone for so long.”

“Yeah, I’m sure”

“What do you do in Seoul?” His mother interrupts, changes the subject. “For work?”

“I own the apartment building my father…my real father, left to me. So I guess…not much.”

“But you do well for yourself”

“I do, I’m very lucky in that sense”

Heecheol heads back to the kitchen to finish the tea he started, and Seungmin sits quietly, his hand still squeezed between hers.

“Soo-ji would be proud to see what a kind young man you’ve grown into”

“I’m not sure about that. I haven’t done—“

“You had to grow up without her. You made it through difficult times and you’re here, and you’re making someone else very happy, I assume. She would be very proud.”

Seungmin thinks about you sitting outside in the car, probably sound asleep, and he smiles. You weren’t very happy with his actions today, but he knows you are happy.

“You’re making us happy right now, Seungmin—Cheoli and I…Seungmin?”

“Yes, are you okay?”

Her voice falls to a whisper. “He needs you. As much as he tries to smile, and work hard, and care for his dying mother…he’s struggling. He’s alone, and I can only do so much for him. There has to be a bigger reason for you walking into that hospital and finding him there.”

No part of Seungmin wants to abandon his friend, but he has a hard time envisioning himself as someone else’s divine providence. Even with you.

“He wasn’t even supposed to be at work today. Cheoli was just covering for another nurse.”

“Here, umma…be careful, it’s hot.” Heecheol places it on the table in front of her, and then his eyes turn to Seungmin. “Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“I’m sure”

“Oh, I guess we should get going. We’re going for dinner, and I’ll bring you something good back, okay?”

“Yes, good…don’t rush. You two have a lot of catching up to do.”

Heecheol is quiet on the way back to the car, but Seungmin can’t help but see the loneliness in his face now, and in his posture. “How have you been? He stops. They both do, and they face one another at the bottom of the staircase. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright? Yeah, yeah I’m okay. I can’t really complain.”

“You can if you want, you can complain to me”

“No complaints right now,” he smiles.

/ / /

Seungmin is surprisingly calm in the busy restaurant, but it’s obvious that Heecheol is distracted by something in his own head.

“I didn’t expect so many tourists this early,” Seungmin says, and he starts to scratch at the bandage on his arm.

You take his hand in yours and pull it closer to you. “Don’t scratch at it, you’ll make it sore.”

“I’d rather it be sore then itchy”

Heecheol doesn’t chime in. He’s staring at your clasped hands, eyes wide and glazed over until you loosen your grip and let go. Maybe he’s not a fan of PDA, which you don’t blame him for. You’re not a fan, either. “Are you and Seungmin the same age?”

“I’m actually a year older, so we didn’t get to have classes together”

A tiny smile tugs at Seungmin’s lips. “That’s why we spent almost all of our free time with each other.”

“So how did you meet?”

“Little league, we got put on the same team”

“Seungmin smiles even bigger now. “The Bears, I think I still have the team photo somewhere at home…” He turns to you, “probably in one of those boxes.”

“I’ll find it”

“Please find it. I lost so many little things moving around. So how did you two meet?”

You decide to let Seungmin take this question, and you hope he can simplify it and somehow make it sound normal.

“Uhm, she walked by me outside of the convenience store by my building, and pretended to be lost…so I helped her home.”

“That’s very cute”

“There was a little bit of chasing, but we figured it out eventually. You said you’re single, right?”

“I am, yeah…I never really dated much. I’ve tried, but it’s hard.”

“You can visit us in Seoul. Maybe you’d feel more comfortable there, being yourself. It’s easier.”

“Easier? How do you know?”

“I’ve spent a lot of time getting a feel for people all over the city. And I’ve taken plenty of them home.” Seungmin cocks his head to the side, and Heecheol’s eyes move between the two of you. “Men, and women…yes. And you would probably do better than I ever have.”

This is the most carefree and comfortable you’ve ever seen Seungmin in someone else’s company. It took what felt like a very long time for him to soften up for you, but this was almost immediate. The moment he realized who he was taking to in that hospital, he started to become lighter; a completely different person—one that didn’t wander into the woods in the dark, or feel the unbearable need to slice his arm open from the turmoil rolling around inside of him.

“Is it that obvious? I guess it is." Heecheol laughs.

“What, that you prefer men? I've known that since I was eight, and we went to that birthday party at the ice rink. Do you remember?”

“Oh my god…uhm, Junsoo, our catcher who couldn’t catch very well. He was turning nine.”

“Right, his older brother was there, and you stared at him the whole time”

“Mhm. Jinhwan. He was twelve, and he was already the best hitter for the senior league. And the best forward on the hockey team. And—”

Seungmin‘s hand jumps up to cover his mouth, and he laughs with his whole body. A sweet laugh, though, the kind that Heecheol can laugh along with and not feel embarrassed. “Yeah, I knew…I knew you like I knew myself.”

“And you were always a mystery to everyone else, but I understood why. We made a good pair.”

“You still do. I don’t hear him laugh like that very often.”

Heecheol turns to you and smiles. “I’m sorry, I hope you don’t feel left out of the conversation.”

“Not at all. I like listening to the two of you talk, and it’s nice to hear him laugh.”

“Still a little mysterious, Mo?”

He rubs at his bandage again. “Not on purpose.”

/ / /

As hard as you try, staying awake on the drive home is nearly impossible, but you shake yourself awake every time you feel yourself slipping. Seungmin has to make this drive, and you know he’s even more exhausted. Finding his friend did perk him up, though, and the music playing on the radio is more upbeat and louder than you’re used to.

“Don’t stay up for me, relax”

“I’m alright. We have a while to go still, so promise me you’ll pull over if you get sleepy.”

“I promise”

He gives you a sweet, sleepy smile, and you’re almost positive you’ll end up in a hotel somewhere tonight. “I like him.”

“Do you? Seeing him again…it felt like no time passed at all, and like nothing bad ever happened.”

“Finding each other again is something special. He loves you, Minnie.”

“We were kind of isolated to each other, aside from the team…but even then, it was just us all the time.”

He didn’t see the way Heecheol looked at him, and maybe it was just disbelief...maybe he couldn’t believe his own eyes—his best friend, back, right in front of him. But you don’t really believe that. Heecheol loves Seungmin the way that you love him; in a way you can’t really describe in words. You can feel it.

His mind goes back to eomeonim and her concern for her son; his loneliness, and believing there’s a reason why they found each other again. But love is a strong word for someone who was there for three years, and then left for the next fifteen. As soon as that thought crosses his mind, he looks at you, nodding off again, and remembers your four months together. Things couldn’t get much more serious than they are now. But he needs you…he loves you? Seungmin isn’t sure he has much more to give after you and two children.

“How are you feeling?”

“My arm feels fine, it’s just a little sore”

“Not that…everything else”

“You mean last night?”

“Yes, last night”

Seungmin thinks. He doesn’t know how to answer this, because he still doesn’t remember a single thing between going to bed around midnight, and then waking up at noon. The scratches on his back are itchy now that he’s thinking of them, but otherwise, there’s nothing. Just what you witnessed. “I don’t remember any of it, so…it’s like it didn’t happen.”

“I’m glad you don’t remember, but I wish I knew why you did it”

“Did you see anything else while you were looking for me?”

See? No. Heard? His mother’s voice, whatever is in the woods, and maybe even his stepfather’s voice outside the shed. That hadn’t occurred to you until right this moment. The hey that you thought was Seungmin, it definitely wasn’t. “I didn’t see anything.”

He looks at you, waiting for more.

“I heard things, but…I was tired, and scared”

“I’m sorry. I’m grateful you cared enough to look for me, but I’m sorry you had to do that.”

“Of course I cared enough, I’d do it again if I had to”

“That’s the last time we spend the night there”

The alarm keeps ringing. Why is there an alarm on in the first place? You somehow form that thought and that question in your sleepy, foggy head. The room is still so dark, though, so it can’t be morning yet. Where is he?

“Where are you?” You’re not even sure it comes out of your mouth. “Seungmin!”

“Hey…I’m right here. I’m sorry.”

The bed moves as he crawls up and grabs his phone, turns off the sound, and the room is finally silent. You turn onto your back and pull yourself up against the pillows, but your head throbs. Opening your eyes feels like it might be a mistake.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to shut off the alarm from last week. Do you need anything? Does your head feel any better?”

“A little…I didn’t mean to yell, I’m sorry. I think I was dreaming.”

“It’s okay”

“My head is better than it was.” His half smile is what you see when you open your eyes, and then his dark hair sweeping across his eyebrows. “Your hair is getting so long.” You reach out and brush some of it away from his forehead, and then your eyes fall to your stomach.

"What time is it?” You set your hand on it and breathe deep, and Seungmin sets his hand on top of yours. Then you switch.

“It’s almost ten, you slept for a while. Oh, I felt something!”

“Did you?”

“Yes, a little kick I think”

“Good, I’m sure they know you’re here”

His smile grows until you see all of his teeth “yeah?” The other hand finds a new spot and waits, but he pouts a little when nothing happens. You don’t feel any kicks or flutters, and he doesn’t either. “It’ll be nice to see them again.”

“What day is it, Min?”

“Wow, you must have slept very well, that’s good. It’s Monday.”

“Monday?”

“Monday the 19th.” He waits as you think. “Your fancy ultrasound is tomorrow. We get to see them in more detail, right?”

“How did I forget?”

Seungmin moves his hand again and waits, and when nothing happens, he’s back up and digging through his dresser for a change of clothes. “They’re wearing you out, but…that’s why I’m here.”

Thanks to him and his attentiveness, getting to week twenty-two was easier than you thought it would be, despite your exhaustion. You’re not sure if this nurturing side of him was always there waiting to come out, or if he’s just been working overtime to be the dad he desperately needed as a child. Whatever it is, he’s doing well.

Seungmin has been okay for the last two months—no hallucinations, no urges, and no truly bad days. He still gets quiet and sulks, but not lately. A new tenant moved in a week ago, and it’s kept him busy until today. The distraction has been good for him, and watching him focus on work was a nice change.

“What are you smirking at?”

“Hm?” His phone is lighting up a smile on his face. It falls a little, but comes back along with a blush on his cheeks as he gets himself under the blankets. “Just talking.”

“Talking?”

“Heecheol sent a message earlier, and I forgot to reply until now”

“Good, I wasn’t sure if you were keeping in touch. How is he?”

“Tired, he said, but he has to work all night so he can’t get any sleep. I was thinking of asking him if he wanted to visit, but only if you feel okay.”

“He can visit whenever he likes, and you two can do whatever you want. Baseball game…night club? Maybe both. You deserve a nice night out.”

“I’ll ask him. Do you think he’d want to stay for a while?”

The idea is nice. “A while…like a weekend? Or a week?” But the more time spent with Seungmin, the more likely it is that Heecheol will see the other side of him, or be around for one of his bad days. “If he wants to. Maybe we can start with a day or two, so we don’t scare him off.”

Seungmin studies you for a moment, and then nods. “Yeah, I guess so."

"I think he would love to spend as much time as possible with you, though"

"I’ve been alright since the whole disappearing into the woods thing, right?”

“You have. You’ve been present, and happy.”

“I’m trying really hard”

There’s a choke in his voice as he says it, and you go back over everything you just said to him in your mind. “You are, I know…and you’re the reason why I’m doing so well right now.” He moves closer until your arms open for him. “You’ve been there for me every single day and night.”

“Have I? Have I been good enough?”

Seungmin still has a hard time believing it, you know that, even as you hold onto him and squeeze him tight.

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - kdrama edition

Yes, we have a some of December left, and I want to check out Death's Game but whatever. I got time for this now and not sure if I will have later so here goes.

This is only going to cover kdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it’s not on the list. This was an excellent kdrama year, the likes of which we hadn't had in a long time.

DRAMAS WATCHED

In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality so pls don't come for me, fans of some popular dramas that are on my nope list. Also, I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list.

33. The Escape of the Seven - this is so aggressively stupid and mean that it feels like the makers are playing a practical joke seeing how much their audience will take. This has a season 2 coming, so the answer is a lot.

32. Behind Your Touch - the FL gets superpowers by touching people's and animals' butts. Yes, you read this right. Do I really need to add anything?

31. King the Land - yes, it was a hit. Yes, it stars popular actors. I HATED IT LIKE IT TOUCHED MY BUTT TO GET SUPERPOWERS!!! Plastic people in paint by the numbers story, with about as much genuineness or retability as a barbie aisle in walmart. I never expect much from Yoona so whatever, but to have LJH go from The Red Sleeve to this boggles the mind.

30. Mrs Durian - this is so dumb that I think I lost a few IQ points watching this, but its insanity becomes entertaining - I mean what kdrama can you name where a daughter in law declares her love and lust for her mother in law at a family dinner?

29. The Matchmakers - there is nothing offensive about this drama at all. But there is nothing in the least interesting either. If elevator music took drama shape, it would be this show.

28. Destined with You - sorry, Rowoon, I am still fond of you, but you are two for two in drama duds department this year. This is a drama where I loved ep 1, liked ep 2, was indifferent to 3 and...you get the point. Each ep was worse than the one before, and I bailed before I was dragged into a cosmic singularity.

27. Oasis - great first two episodes. Unfortunately it was not a two ep show. The performances are solid but the story is just not there - the effect is like a fancy chef making an amazing sauce to put on pig slop.

26. Boyhood - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like it but a 34-year old playing a high schooler in a Weak Hero Class 1 Slapstick Edition is no go for me.

25. Castaway Diva - it's so precious and kooky in the most annoying ways, with the most well-adjusted abused castaway in history. I like magic realism when done by Jorge Amado, but this ain't Amado.

24. Island - it had a good concept, good cast and fun visuals but the execution deserved one of ML's swords through the neck.

23. The Worst of Evil - if I wanted an American show, I'd watch one. Very solid performances though.

22. Song of the Bandits - period edition of what I said about The Worst of Evil.

21. Welcome to Samdalri - and goodbye to any hope of emotional involvement.

20. Joseon Attorney - I have yet to like a single sageuk centered around a profession and this was not an exception. I guess it could be worse but it also could have been so much better.

19. Twinkling Watermelon - everyone loved this drama. Everyone except for me. It's the kind of precious that sets my teeth on edge and I couldn't stand half the main characters we were supposed to root for. I guess I like my fruits to shine steadily.

18. Our Blooming Youth - probably the biggest disappointment on this list. This is not a bad drama by any means, but with that cast and that story (I loved the novel), I was hoping for a memorable sageuk not merely all right.

17. Vigilante - it has the emotional complexity and nuance of a punch to the throat but it gives us quasi-gay openly-murderous dudes going after psychos and Yoo Ji Tae holding feral Nam Joo Hyuk by his hoodie at his feet.

16. The Forbidden Marriage - expected nothing but it was a surprisingly enjoyable trifle of a costume drama that was also quite pretty.

15. Arthdal Chronicles: Sword of Aramun - a hot mess but such an entertaining epic one. And it gave us TWO Lee Jun Kis in period gear and who am I to cavil at the bounty of God?

14. The Story of Park's Marriage - it's a trifle, a souffle, so light it might blow away, but it keeps my attention and is so fun and sweet.

13. My Lovely Liar - a huge surprise, that manages to mix a murder mystery and a romcom, and shocked me by showing Hwang Minhyun can act.

12. Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - the original ToNT was my fave drama of its year and I did not think it needed a sequel. But this is not a sequel but more of a side-quel and is such a total delight with brotherly love, adventures, romance and hijinks. It's a joy.

11. Perfect Marriage Revenge - it's actually very hard to do a soap right but this slim 12 ep drama managed. So fun, so crazy, such a good ship!

10. My Lovely Boxer - not really about sports, but about two broken people finding salvation because of and in each other. Also, if you like age gap romances, this is delicious. Sort of loses steam by the end but c’est la vie.

9. The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - this was a sageuk that was not on my radar with a bunch of actors I was not familiar with but it took my heart away. A good plot that was perfectly paced, characters and ships I adored, a logical ending. This is one of the biggest positive surprises of the year for me.

8. Tell Me That You Love Me - a slice of life remake (sort of, it's more "inspired by") of my favorite jdrama of all time. It's not as good as the jdrama because nothing could be, but it's an aching lovely story with some incredible performances.

7. See You In My 19th Life - funny and romantic and haunting and hopeful and odd. This was one of my favorites of the year.

6. Alchemy of Souls: Light and Shadow - it's rare for me to like a (1) sequel (2) with FL actress change (3) that is a Hong Sisters drama. But this was such a gorgeous, surprisingly achy story of love and loss and love regained with some cool monster fighting in the middle. Between the two seasons, this is the first Hong Sisters' drama I enjoyed from beginning to end in well over a decade.

5. My Demon - so tropey (chaebols, supernaturals) but it proves that these tropes are popular for a reason. The chemistry is fire, the story is unpredictable and the whole thing is an addictive delight. A rare drama where I like each new ep more than the last one.

4. Goryeo Khitan War - an old school sageuk in every meaning of the term (no romance, no eye candy, lots of bearded men, battles and politics), this feels like watching an epic movie more than a drama. The vast cast all earns their place and the performances (mainly from character actors given a chance to shine) are incredible.

3. Call It Love - two very very damaged people finding love and healing with each other. This is a narrative very hard to do to my satisfaction but when it's done well, as here, there are few things that can hold a candle to it.

2. My Dearest - a masterpiece of cinematography, narrative, performances. This is an old-school epic romance in the best sense of the term. If it doesn't make you swoon or break your heart, there is something wrong with you. A story of two untraditional, strong-willed, flawed people who fall in love in the middle of the horrifying Qing invasion of Korea and have to deal with all that the world throws at them, this is a bona fide masterpiece.

1 - Moon in the Day - who knew my favorite kdrama of the year will star a store brand Domyoji from Extraordinary You and an actress I was never familiar with. But this part period/part modern fantasy tale of doomed cursed lovers is everything I knew I wanted and everything I didn't know I wanted but did. Two lovers where their love did not save them and in modern day it might not again, has got me obsessed the way I haven't been in years.

FAVORITE DRAMA

Moon in the Day - if there is such a thing as a drama made perfectly for me, this gorgeous, emotionally haunting, utterly romantic, twisty tale is it.

WORST DRAMA

The Escape of the Seven. This drama is proof that demons exist and not sexy ones like Song Kang but horrible nasty ones who delight in the torment this hot mess inflicted on its viewers.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Do Ha, Moon in the Day - a Silla general and a consummate killer who committed atrocities on the orders of his monster father and yearned to die for them, who found the meaning in life in loving his enemy but it did not make him better, a man so obsessed he literally was around for 1500 years of horrifying ghostly existence and still went "worth it" for a woman who killed him as long as he knew she loved him while she did it. He's intense and competent and beyond fucked up and has never had a normal day and I love him so so so very much from a safe distance.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Gil Chae, My Dearest - she starts out as vain and spoiled but the horrors that break so many others bring out all her fierce survivor potential and she becomes such a force of nature - capable of incredible love but also sacrifice and strength and compassion.

Runner Up: Shin Hye Sun's reincarnator in See You In My 19th Life - quirky, damaged, strong, so odd and so vulnerable at once.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

There are a lot of characters who fit that category (King Injo in My Dearest? My God) but the crown belongs to So Ri Bu from Moon in the Day. You think you've seen abusive parents but until you've seen a man abuse his son his whole life and then continue for 1500 years after his death, you ain't seen nothing!

FAVORITE SHIP

The doomed by the narrative OTP of Moon in The Day. Only thing that's better than enemies to lovers is enemies while lovers and their impossible relationship where her killing him is a supreme act of love and his refusing to let go is so strong that he stays around for 1500 years watching her, helpless as she dies over and over again, is everything you ever want.

Runner up: Jang Hyun/Gil Chae, My Dearest. They are so strong and so damaged and it takes them so long to figure out what they feel and what the other person feels but their love and sacrifice and complexities are perfect.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Kim Shi Yeol/Hong Joo, The Secret Romantic Guesthouse - an assassin bodyguard pretending to be a carefree scholar and a widow of the man he killed to protect his king (and whose life was destroyed as a result.) I enjoyed the main OTP of this drama but I was utterly and completely unhinged for the secondary couple.

I'd have probably picked Rang and his mermaid from TotNT 1938 even over them, but they really were the main OTP of that drama.

NOTP

King the Land couple seems like an easy target but honestly, they are both so terribly bland and antiseptic and marketing by committee, they kinda deserve each other. So I am gonna go with Destined with You, one half of which thinks supernaturally roofying someone into loving them is cute and the other half thinks dating one woman while wooing another is totally a-ok. Ugh.

FAVORITE SCENE

There is no competition for the scene in the slave market in My Dearest, where Jang Hyun finds Gil Chae - the way he screams and tries to clutch the hem of her skirt will live in my head forever.

And the scene where he 'wins' that horrifying bet, or the scene where she finds him in a pile of bodies - they are as good also. Or when he fights off a squad to protect her even though he's sick. That whole drama is perfect.

Runner up: the scene of Do Ha executing Ri Ta's family, covered in blood, as she looks at him from the crowd in Moon in the Day.

Or the scene where he talks about how he cannot live as a person but at least maybe she will kill him and he will die as one. Or when her confession in the past intercuts with his walking in the present, or when he comes home in his bloodied armor and she finds he has a fever and it's the first tender touch he's probably ever known. Her murdering So Ri Bu saying she knows she's going against filial piety in loving her parents' murderer, the way they hug, both bloody, as he says "let's live." The way she says she can't go on as she's hit rock bottom and he replies she cannot quit because she must accompany him to his rock bottom now. Honestly, the drama is a font of amazingness.

Also, the opening scene of Goryeo Khitan War or the scene of Yang Gyu ordering to shoot the captives and having to do so himself.

The OTP meeting again at the intersection at the end of ep 1 of Tell Me That You Love Me. SHS comforting ABH as he's having a traumatic breakdown in 19th Life. The love-making scene in Call It Love. There were a lot of great scenes this year.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Lee Jang Hyun, My Dearest - is that even a competition? He's flawed - vain, often emotionally closed off, not great at processing emotions, lashing out when hurt. He is also incredibly heroic in a real, knows the cost but bears it, kind of way. Whatever he does, he commits utterly but it's never without understanding the cost. He felt both larger than life and utterly real. He went through hell and maintained his soul and the way he loved Gil Chae was breath-taking to behold.

Runner Up: Yang Gyu, Goryeo Khitan War - an experienced military commander who wins an impossible victory even as it ravages his soul. Competence is sexy as fuck.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Rang, Tale of the Nine Tailed 1938 - 1938 really was Rang's chance to shine and he took it. For a character I started out disliking in the original, he really stole my entire heart in this drama. I am so glad he got his happy ending with his brother and his girl.

Runner Up: Crown Prince, My Dearest. He started out as a sheltered, spoiled aristocrat, convinced the world owed him for existing. He grew up slowly and painfully into an amazing man. And then was murdered for it and I cried.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

Arthdal - it leaves the story at a good stopping point but it's very much a "world in flux, adventures and conflicts continue" ending and I would love to see more of these characters. I know we won't but it would have been nice.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Behind Your Touch - should have been snipped at birth.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Vigilante - I don't mean it had scissors taken to it because it's not cdrama and there is no NRTA, but this drama would have benefitted from being longer. I mean, I love fights and gay polycules as much as the next tumblr person but a bit more character development would not have come amiss. (ahaha - I said come. Leave me alone.)

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

I don't care about cops/doctors/trash collectors/whoever - workplace drama centering on their "cases" needs to die. I hate procedurals from any country and Korea is no exception.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Supernatural critter devoted to their OTP with all the power of their long life.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Our Blooming Youth - it was far from terrible but it was a giant meh. I was so excited to see Park Hyung Sik in a sageuk (that wasn't the hot mess that was Hwarang) and I adored the source novel. It actually started well and then...it's like Revenge of the Beige!

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

I want to say Moon in the Day but to be honest, I was excited by posters and trailers so it wasn't wholly a surprise despite not having much of an opinion on the actors before I saw them. So I am going to say My Demon. I was bored by the trailers, I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a Kim Yoo Jung drama and before this year I would have said Song Kang was an incredibly limited actor in everything I've seen him in and not appealing to me at all. And here I am rabidly rabiding for this drama!

If I am not limiting myself to dramas but can use this for actors - Hwang Minhyun in My Lovely Liar. I genuinely did not think the man could act and then he gave such a pitch-perfect, nuanced performance out of nowhere!

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

I have actually watched all the kdramas that aired this year that I wanted to check out except for Evilive. I am saving this for when I have time.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

I don't know if I'd say it's the best but Say You Love Me (2004) with Kim Rae Won as a quasi monk seduced away from his true love by an evil older woman was a hell of a ride.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Love Song for Illusion (Lady assassin falls for her royal target who has two personalities), Captivating the King (lady spy falls for her royal target who is tormented) - notice a theme? Also Flower that Blooms at Night because Honey Lee in a sageuk, The Life of Mrs Ock (Lim Ji Yeon in a sageuk), The Love Story of Chun Hwa (an "erotic" sageuk, hmmmm, what?!), Hong Rang (Lee Jae Wook in a super angst sageuk), Queen Woo (that cast and set in Goguryeo!), Wong Kyung (about Lee Bang Won's wife and I love the cast.) Basically, if it's period, I am there with bells on.

[ad-hawkeye]

Okay! So I need help. No major spoilers but honestly I don't care about general summaries. I'm new to Lovebrush (I remember you talking a lot about Alkaid and he's my favorite so far and just finished Godheim) but there are also other Alkaids. I'm kinda curious which one will be my favorite Alkaid... and I trust your takes .... can you give me a summary of each Alkaid?

I AM SO SORRY FOR REPLYING TO THIS SO LATE!! BUT! I CAN HELP!!

now i'm guessing this doesn't include like. event aus. bc those are their own things, mainly for symbolic purposes, and are usually tied to the modern mls. do let me know if you want me to talk about them though!

all alkaids have overlapping traits (like. poor sense of self worth says hello), so i'll go over the obvious differences.

modern alkaid: had a pretty fucked up childhood and struggles deeply with connecting to others because of it. anxiety ridden. has a tendency to emotionally shut down and dissociate when forced into situations he doesn't like. generally a really nice and sweet guy with good intentions but a poor handling on his own issues

godheim alkaid: arguably the most normal of the alkaids. i'd make an argument for him or spirit world alkaid, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. you finished godheim so you know the general idea. older brother. goes along with whatever the archmage decides for the mage tower, but chose to rebel once he realizes his inaction led to his sister's death. and he doesn't want that to happen again.

eden alkaid: the generational trauma alkaid. extremely poor socialization skills; blunt and doesn't adjust to societal norms due to his isolation. fears people and lacks trust in both himself and in others. sopping wet kitten that got manipulated and possessed. really pathetic, but in a "oh you poor thing" way. my pookie bear.

prefect luminary: you take an alkaid and put him on the war criminal planet - you get a tsundere. complete and utter lack of self awareness. desperately trying to prove he's not like Other alkaids. competent, sure, but also bored, snarky, and always has an excuse for any actions of his that could be considered kind. really gets a thrill out of mc foiling his plans and kicking his ass bc it's the only thing that makes him feel anything. really pathetic, but in a "lol look at this freak" way

spirit world alkaid: era 3 deerkaid is the closest to alkaid's """core""" self, in my opinion. he's relatively unaffected by his environment or by others which is rare in an alkaid. he just wanted to be a little deer. he just wanted to hang out in the forest with his friends. but NOOO, the laws of the universe made sure his stupid ass was put through the HORRORS.

ragnarok alkaid: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS [REDACTED SPOILERS] he's kinda [REDACTED] if you take [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] [SPOILERS] and just [SP

[fantasybuff3186]

The Ruler ml thoughts

So I watched this episode and it wasnt touching but I liked the episode and I genuinely love the direction the show is going because literally everyone is being fleshed out and I love that so so much, miraculous actually feels like a show with more than just the love square. Once again I do not know how much I can say about this episode but I will try. spoilers below the gif as always.

Okay for a start while this episode didnt add much to the lore and was a slice of life episode, I quite liked it both the marcaniel moments and the little bits of Adrinette which btw I am so glad always makes into episodes, I also liked the way this episodes conflict was definitely more mature than some of the others and I like that they addressed the marcaniel relationship and now its crystal clear that the two are together and I love that for them because awwww, also I swear miraculous keeps getting better all because they give characters more depth first it was Sabrina, then Ivan and now Marc. Its just really really nice that the show is giving everyone enough time in the sun, though I do think the fights are getting shorter and while I dont mind that this is a clear shift from how the earlier seasons were, they're really diving into the complexities of the characters now which I love. ALSO HOW CUTE IS IT THAT MARC AND NATHANIEL REVEALED TO EACH OTHER!!!! Now if only adrien and marinette could do the same but I guess there is a lot of things left to deal with and a reveal will be complicated so I guess I should be grateful we dont have a reveal yet because at least they're together now, I'm going to talk about Marinette because she is still my favourite character.

So lets talk about Marinette, now first of all I love love love that she is back to the Marinette that helps and that she is basically marc and Nathaniel's biggest fan. I also really like that we see her comforting her friends a lot more now and I am lowkey proud of her as she shows the traits that made me like her completely, like shes sweet and I am so glad that hasnt changed. Its also kind of adorably cringe seeing her whole thing with being embarassed to sneeze because like Adrien would not care, speaking of adrien my god he is so sweet that I felt so bad for him because when she avoids him, he doesnt go, "why did she ignore me" he literally goes, "How do I make her stop ignoring me?" Also I guess it kinda goes with the theory that hes codependant on her sometimes which is concerning because while the golden retriever personality is adorable if its because of attachment issues its concerning because like it just shows fear I guess but then again I guess I am overthinking it. Now I guess I talk about Adrinette even if they werent there much.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL CAN I SAY JUST HOW AMAZING OF A BOYFRIEND ADRIEN IS??? Like look at him hes just genuinely so sweet and understanding and caring and also the way he wasnt that preturbed by the helicopter blowing the nose is so cute because man was literally pushed back but he made a joke out of it and that is so so cute. I would love to say more about them but well this was not an adrinette episode but a Marcaniel one but still I love the crumbs of Adrinette and that they are actually dating. Like when I first watched miraculous ladybug I never thought I'd actually get to see the dating phase. I thought that was just limited to lumity but it happened and I am so so happy. Anyway I think I want to talk about Nathaniel and Marinette and by proxy Nathaniel himself.

Okay theres not much to say about the Natheniel and Marinette friendship but there are things to say about the oh and Marinette and Marc too because I swear to god Marinette was such a good friend to both of them in this episode and that Marinette and Nathaniel hug was so so cute and then the way she comforted Marc and the way she went to confront Nath's mom is just so Marinette that it was nice to see, oh also Marc too, Like he actually sacrficed himself for nathaniel and that is so so cute and the post credits scene too like Nathaniel and Marc were being so so romantic that I wanted to hug both of them, honestly I am so so glad we are getting more on the side characters though I have to admit I kinda miss Alya and Marinette moment and I hope the next episode that comes out has them both. Also I am so so sorry that this is coming out in a random rush of thoughts but I have been surviving on 3 and a half hours of sleep today so bear with me.

Anyway onto Nath's family, it was really nice to catch a glimpse into his family and my god the fact that even he has kinda sub par parents is funny, its like most of the miraculous kids whos backstories we've seen have it except for Alya I guess oh and marinette, actually max too. Okay so maybe it is not a recurring trend but still interesting to see so many not so great parents but it keeps things interesting so lets goooo. Also throughout the episode, I was hoping Nath's mother would reveal her backstory as to why shes so protective but I guess its just the indian parent mentality and nothing too deep which is okay but sorta underwhelming. Then we have Nath's dad and he seems like a spineless parent so yeah poor Nathaniel so I am sure it meant a lot when Marinette and then Marc stood up for him. Also that whole interaction where they promised to protect each other was so so cute like awwwwwww but yeah overall good episode! I guess I can touch on ladynoir now though there really wasnt much.

So they didnt interact much but I kinda like them as partners in crime, its just another kind of cute but yeah I cannot believe im saying this but I kinda miss ladynoir too, like I am so so happy Adrinette happened over ladynoir but I wanted to see their friendship and I miss them because their friendship was precious but yeah heres to hoping for more ladynoir! On another note I kinda liked how both ladybug and cat noir were made victims and Nathaniel had to save the day. Just makes the miraculous world seem do much bugger you know? Now that we're getting all these backstories for everyone. Overall season 6 is the best season so far and I hope they keep it up.

Now I know there is a lot more I could write about the episode but my brain is finally dying so yes I'm going to sleep so byeeee

(Me right now)

[fateandloveentwined]

danmei chinese webnovels rec update

[link to part one]

hiya:) Haven't read that much the past year but it might be well to recommend some novels I rated higher on my records.

per personal preferences most of them are knives with a happy ending and main character-centric besides romance. I also like political intrigue though that's not the most common thing in danmei novels.

(mc = main character; ml = main lover i.e. second main character)

ranked in descending order of each genre. novels are linked for convenience, or links to novelupdates descriptions are provided if found.

xianxia/cultivation background

好喜欢封如故的性情，洒脱微笑背后不见天日的苦涩，十年慵懒风陵山中寒雪中布下环环相扣的一局。风陵山上都是痴儿，他们都太聪明了，一个个玲珑心肝似的，赤诚相待，却也总是在浓若蜜醪的时候君子之交如若甘露，整本读下来，我简直觉得他们就是完美演绎了”相濡以沫，不如相忘于江湖”的明训。好别扭，有时候真的很压抑，封如故深晓韩兢为谁久久不语，韩兢深爱常伯宁而不表露。而最是谦谦君子心存理想盛世的常伯宁，最终在喜帖上将对封如故多年藏匿、自己隐约略懂未明的爱意一并埋去，知道韩兢不愿相认，也就任由他离自己远去了。 ……都是痴儿。

全道门都欠我一个人情 by 骑鲸南去 (All the Dao Sects Owe Me a Favor)

I couldn't summarise it well. What I wrote (part of):

琢玉 by 白书墨 (Carven Jade)

mc's character a little similar to wei wuxian (mdzs). The two main leads are of the same sect but one turned "astray" after. MC is given the chance to live again.

晚来天欲雪 by 妄鸦 (Evening Snow)

Devastated by the tragedy which befell his past, reincarnated mc decides to live his second life idyllically and forget about the rest. What he didn't expect is that people of his last life are not letting the past rest.

historical

穿成病弱返派后 by 木漏日

This is better titled "病美人想早点去世" i.e. sick mc wishes to die sooner, the title the author wished to change to. mc transmigrates back in time and completes missions in this dynasty according to system's commands, becoming both hero and antagonist of the protagonist in the book. I think mc gets near the verge of death many times too many but I rated it 4 out of 5 so I guess it was enjoyable still... that and the resolution was rewarding. mc cares a lot about his sister in the present life, and everything that he does for the system and the protagonist is basically for her.

entertainment industry

隐婚 by 久陆

A rather depressive take on contractual marriage and unrequited love. All goes awry at the fifth year of their contracted covenant in which the marriage is to end. I reread it recently and it still remains one of my favourite books of this genre. will probably read the other ones this author has written soon.

穿成豪门假少爷后我爆红了 by 穿山

mc was reborn into the body of another. Emotionally intricate nested narratives and emotionally charging scenes.

intergalactic

讯息素缺失报告 by 松子茶

alpha/omega dynamics in which mc signs a contract with an ominous overlord to provide for his child after the death of his previous spouse. It's not particularly cathartic but the tone of the novel overall is rather repressive.

人鱼文偏执反派翻车了 by 弃脂焚椒 (The Paranoid Villain in the Mermaid Novel Has Overturned)

i think this is a rather popular one idk. A little bit draggy, but the premise of the insane overlord and the heir presumptive is well thought out. I did enjoy it but was not particularly in love with the ml's characterisation which essentially surrounds the mc in everything that he does.

quick transmigration

I've only discovered my fondness for quick transmigration the past year but essentially it goes not without conditions:

there is a good convincing backstory that readers try to sleuth out while reading the worlds

mc and ml characterisation is consistent

the dimensions/worlds are well-written and elaborate enough.

漂亮炮灰手拿反派剧本 by 木漏日

am I spoiling it but oml the last world is amazing.

黑月光跑路失败后 by 弃脂焚椒

the worlds are well-written. character consistency at the start is a bit wobbly but it gets way better quick. I like the intergalactic worlds this author writes.

general author recs: 木漏日 (consistently good reads, political intrigue), 弃脂焚椒, 三千大梦叙平生 (some good ones)

haven't read that much of theirs but they should be good: 骑鲸南去, 白书墨 (author has het books that are really popular too)

Again read in chinese and they really aren't the most popular ones so I'm not sure how many of them have translated versions. If you do MTL/check novelupdates you might find something that helps.

Some are from more than a year ago so (sorry!) I really don't remember enough to write about them in detail. I might supplement them with longer reviews (since I have written them for some at the time of reading but again it is slightly unlikely given current workload).

thanks💙

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Anyone for a handmade 1969 dome home fixer upper in the ski resort town of Killington, Vermont? 4bds, 5ba, $425K.

Come on in. The first thing we see is a worn wooden floor. Maybe it can be saved, though.

It's colorful and has a space ship look. Odd corner stair, I guess they miscalculated.

As we go thru, you'll notice patches of the carpet missing. What could have caused that? Now, the whole thing has to be replaced.

There's a round fireplace/pit here in the living room.

Looking down at the fireplace hood. Are the chains decorative or anchoring something?

What is causing that carpet to be eaten away?

A pretty large dining table fits here and they made a chandelier out of green bottles.

I like the blue cabinets. Notice that the floor goes uphill at the door.

The laundry is placed in the kitchen.

Back here is a music/game area. More deteriorated carpet, too. Is there something in the floor causing it?

It has a sauna, too.

Since there's no basement, this area serves as a utility room.

There's an enclosed staircase and a balcony above. There may have been a roof leak on the right.

One of the baths. Interesting sink.

The primary bedroom has room for a sitting area.

This is cute. Like the blue fixtures.

This room has a sink, but it also has a heater, so it must be cold in winter. The windows are so dirty, they need a good power wash.

Bdm. #3. I don't know what's going on w/the windows.

Don't know what's happening up here. Looks like they're working on it.

The exterior needs some work- some panels are bent, shingles are missing and there's some moss. They have a barn on the property, too.

The wooded lot measures .95 of an acre.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

(quote)

"If any one thing in this impossibly intricate plan in which I have almost no control over anyone's actions goes wrong, I'm screwed."

(end of quote)

This is what "Honest Trailers" YouTube channel said about Lex Luthor's "plan" in "Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice", but I feel that it fits for practically every "manipulative" character in ML.

I think that quote is almost too generous. It implies that the manipulative characters actually have plans when they win and, as best I can tell, they rarely ever do. Almost every big win came from things happening that they couldn't predict!

Gabriel got the miraculous at the end of season four because of Felix being mistaken for Adrien, but Gabriel had no idea that they boys had switched or that Ladybug would pick Felix or that Felix would offer him the miraculous. He just got lucky.

Felix got the yo-yo and was able to give Gabriel the miraculous because of the day's akuma and because Ladybug randomly decided she wanted Adrien to tag along on her time-traveling adventures even though "Adrien" had no special skill that she used during said adventure. There was no way for Felix to even begin to guess that those things would happen. His actual plan - stealing the butterfly and the peacock - failed hard. He only won because he got lucky.

Lila got the butterfly because it just happened to drop into the water during the final battle. A thing she had no way to predict or even know about. She just got lucky.

There are plans that fit the quote for sure, so it's not a bad call-out, it's just sad how the big, world-changing moments aren't even the result of wacky plans. They're all just dumb luck.

[imthepunchlord]

Did you watch Season 5 of Miraculous? What did you think of it?

I stopped watching Miraculous at s3, I didn't watch s4 or s5, but I've heard a bit about it. Technically can't really give an opinion but I can share what I think based on what I heard.

I heard Adrienette dating was not too bad, but should've been much sooner. I agree. Could've saved us a bunch of trouble and salt. I also heard that they had the most powerful kiss that adults literally could not tear them apart XD that was funny to hear.

I got to learn that melting Miraculous down doesn't count as destroying them so, who's going to tell Frodo the one ring actually isn't destroyed as apparently melting doesn't count as destroying. Who knew?

And I got to learn that Gabriel was able to make the wish, getting what he ultimately wanted terrorizing all of Paris for 5 seasons, is remembered as a hero, and Adrien never learns about it which is all a really big wth. From what I've seen, no one was happy about that.

Uuuuh... I heard Lila got exposed, but it was meh. I heard she now goes by Cerise? Which ok, let's just make this confusing character even more confusing. Also, how much you want to bet that Cerise/Lila will join them in high school, and there's a repeat of Marinette knowing that's Lila who is lying to them but no one believes her and thinks Cerise is someone entirely new.

Ummmmmmm... oh, I heard Feligami is now a thing? Very rushed and kinda creepy/weird? But I guess they did a decent job as I do see the occasional fanart for them. Personally, I'll just stick to Kagami with girls. That moment in Riptose stuck with me waaaay to much to really get behind her being more interested in boys. I will say, Adrigami did have some nice moments, and there's concepts there where I think they can work nicely off each other (Adrien needs to learn to grow a backbone while Kagami wants to rebel and make friends, they can help each other with that), so Adrien could be the only guy I could roll with for her, but still prefer her paired with girls more.

Also I guess Felix is now a hero despite stealing the yo-yo from Ladybug and handing off... 14 Miraculous to Gabriel. And presumably making him more dangerous/difficult, though he is an idiot so I don't know how much more challenging he got. As far as I know, it was pretty much like another Tuesday.

Oh and apparently there will now be 18 heroes in Paris as I got to learn through asks. I wonder how that's going to work, if at all. Place your bets on how often we'll even see those full time heroes, as they can't really take much attention away from Marinette and Adrien, but who knows. S6 is in that weird placement now that Thomas is no longer apart of the development of ML, so it's hard to say how different it'll go.

Oh. I don't like Tikki and Plagg's true forms. Kinda Digimon over complicated design, and biblical in aesthetic which I found weird when they're supposed to be tied to Taoism. I have yet to find anything similar to biblical angels in Toaism, so I feel like this design choice works off a Christian view more (which isn't surprising as Plagg works off the unlucky black cat, which is exclusively from Christian Europe roughly 400 years ago).

Additionally, Gimmi felt like more of a Nooroo true form, than a fusion of Plagg and Tikki. I think they should've brought the concept of Null back. I think they were a better thought of a fusion of Creation and Destruction as these two concepts brought together would just nullify each other.

So over all, based on what I've heard, it's a pretty negative view of s5.

[heartbinn]

My darling I would love to read your take on this idea. Love ya 😘

SeungIN x MaleReader

I.n steals puppy's favourite hoodie and when seung goes looking for it (annoyed) Mn sells him out. Innie just wanted to be covered in his hyungs scent. You offer Seung you're favourite hoodie in exchange and he's finally happy again and gives you a shy kiss and mutters a thank you. I love the idea of Seung getting all giddy, shy, and fluffy when Mn offers his hoodie. Then he goes the chase innie down XD

"Where is it" "Very descriptive hyung" "You know what I'm talking about" "Wouldn't have a clue 🤷‍♂️" "My favourite hoodie?!" "Oh pfff innie is wearing it" "YOU TRAITOR!!"

Steal Stole Stolen

Seungmin + mreader + i.n

-warnings; /fluff/

-not proofread

A/n ajdhsjdndnxn finnnnnnnally getting to write this.... im sorry pookie im doing my job i swear!!!!!!

Also i kind of changed some things beacuse i needed a plot going sorry ml😔🙏

8pm, quite late for the members to still be at the studio. Channie would usually send them out before seven to have dinner.

But today, two members remained behind, Mn, who seemed to not be able to get the footwork right, and I.N, who was willing to stay behind with his boyfriend to teach him.

"No- no, Mnnie-" He laughed a little. "You're supposed to step back in and back out there.. okay.. hold on let me check"

Jeongin crouched near the mirror and started the chorus, the song playing loud, and Mn trying to get it right. He stopped at the middle of it though. "Ahh i can't do this.. my knees hurt"

"Ahh but i see where you dont get the beat" The other replied. "You just have to hear it out it's okay, you'll do it perfect overtime" Standing up, he walked over to Mn, pressing a small kiss at the corner of his lips. "Mhh i'll be back in a minute okay? I'll go shower, you stay Mnnie"

And with that, and of course, another peck, he was out the door, leaving the practice room. Mn really should shower too, but he likes to calm down first. He sat down near the mirror, sitting back against it.

Just some minutes later, the door opened again. Mn didn't pay much attention to it, thinking I.N came back and continued scrolling on his phone.

Thats when he heard a small huff. He looked up, catching a glimpse of his other boyfriend, who pouted his lips forward.

"Minnie?" He called out to him. "How come you came back? What's wrong?" Seungmin seemed to lift the pillows from the couch and put them back, looking behind any and every object and furniture.

"Where is itll.." The puppy was clearly annoyed.

"Where is what..?"

"You know what im talking about"

"No i dont..?"

"My hoodie.."

"And.. you're cold?" Mn questioned. "Or like.. i remember you taking it off but.. i think you brought it with yourself when leaving."

Minnie pouted his lips again, something to keep him distracted. "Im not cold.. i j's need it.."

"Uhmm which hoodie again? Cus i know i have the black and green one in my closet over at the dorm but.."

"Its the grey one.. with the chinese writing on the back" He replied. Ohhh yeah thats one of his favourites.

"Ohh that one, yeah Innie took it" Mn smirked, enjoying to sell him out for once. "He's showering right now though"

Seungmin groaned. "Oh my god so i have to wait for him?!" He sighed and sat down next to Mn.

"Calm down minnie, he should be back soon" Mn giggled and after a few minutes, he spoke again. "Do you want mine?"

Seungmin immidiately looked at him. "Your.. what?"

"My hoodie? You're cold no?" Mn watched and laughed as minnie kept looking at him, his cheeks slowly turning red.

He looked down, covering his cheeks. "I.. guess.." He muttered, watching as Mn immidiately took his hoodie off, handing it to him.

Minnie reached for it, his eyes glued to Mn's stomach which got slightly exposed when taking off the piece of fabric.

"T-thank you.. love" He muttered, leaning over and pressing a small kiss against his cheek.

"Aww not my lips?~" He cooed, enjoying the way Min's face kept turning into a darker shade of pink.

But of course, after muttering something to himself, he connected his lips to the others. Just for a few seconds, until he pulled back and buried his face deep in the hoodie.

He seemed to be drunk on it too, inhaling the scent and smiling, giggling like he just got a compliment.

It's rare to see him like this and so cute..

But the moment only lasted, until the door opened and innie stepped in, his hair slightly wet, while.. wearing the exact hoodie minnie was searching for...

"Oh hey minnie" i.n greeted, closing the door behind him.

Seungmin seemed not to lift his head from the hoodie.

"Innie, where is my hoodie.."

"Ah- um hyung-" his face turned red. "Um.. i don't know.. i didn't take it..."

"Mnnie told me you did though.."

"Ah- Mnnie!! You just backstabbed me like that?? You traitor!!" Innie acted dramatic as Seungmin seemed to finally lift his head, immidiately noticing his hoodie.

He stood up, chasing after jeongin who just ran out the door, not wanting to give the hoodie back.

Mn laughed, standing up and walking out. "Hey! Wait for me too!"

[silviakundera]

Lust Love in the Desert, ep 5 liveblogging

Princess #2 and Ruo Wen, bandit leader extraordinaire, still heavily in debate over who is whose sidekick

Some fellow ruffians amble over and intend to acquire Princess 2. Bandit dude not about to lift a finger to help her (still a complete bastard, if you were wondering) but her shouting his name scares them off

Girl is gonna need to physically toughen up REAL quick. Smarts will only get you so far in Desert Deadwood. She needs to be able to gut a man like a pig.

Now we return to FL hanging out in red silk next to a red ribboned tree (very picturesque!) and poignantly smoldering with ML. Who is looking unrealistically damper (how come he looks perfectly fine after being on the verge of death like yesterday?) (where did he get those clothes?) (no one cares that no one knows 🤷)

She presses herself against his chest and his face does this great expression where we can see that he's quietly shocked, quietly pleased, and it's not overdone

Can't blame the man for shooting his shot after that. Kiss, slap, and then MORE KISSING. She really goes in for it and why not, about to enter the harem of a random lord that she has no interest in except as a lever for revenge.

But alas, she's not gonna abandon everything and run away with you bro. And it's probably not even mostly about the fact that you have been continually lying to her, over and over, since the moment you met

(lbr the only sincerity you've shared w her is your boner)

Nice kiss, though. I did a rewind ngl

lmaoooooooo the way he suddenly spits up blood and collapses the moment she walks away from him. Classic wuxia.

"If we meet in the next life... let's actually be nothing to each other" wow girl maybe just ghosting the man would be kinder 💀

FL joins the 2 remaining caravan peeps and puts dirt in the bag for some scheming reason

ML rushes up on his horse very dramatically to return that scroll mcguffin that they keep trying to toss back & forth

He's clutching his reins and spitting blood, clearly v distressed about his crush walking up to marry another man

though probably much less distressing than seeing your mom skewered in front of you

but idk WHO CAN SAY????

a bunch of tribe princesses flattering Yunpei Lord. yawn. This bs seems to be working for him, so we know he's a loser.

FL was so busy making out & making eyes with her sus boyfriend that she's late to the marriage pass ceremony, but then she holds a sword to her throat & threatens to end her life on the steps if she can't see his lordship, as you do. 💁

Why don't u just tell him u have the Special Scroll ?????????? Is this thing actually important or not?

Her canonical extreme hotness is paying off

Less said about her dance performance, the better. But ok I guess it was the dress special effects they're marveling at. Very Katniss Evergreen.

[generalluxun]

Ya know I think I finally keyed in on something that often nettles me with some stories where Chloe either confronts Ladybug but gets checked, gets chewed out by Ladybug for her behavior in general or finds out she's Marinette go.

IE, either Chloe is upset about how LB handles/handled her in one way or another and gets a talking to. Or she finds out the truth and is overwhelmed by gratitude.

The thing is though, while I can maybe see the characters having these kinds of feelings, it feels a bit off when the narrative seems to go along with it too much.

Mostly because it feels kind of like it draws too strong a parallels between "Is kind of a dick" and "deserves to be in danger & to be largely disregarded."

Like, it took until Season 2 for Marinette to have enough of a heroic game face to even say "No not even Chloe deserves to be fed to the zombie hordes."

As said, I get why the characters might be upsets, she does hurtful or frustrating things. Sometimes she can be detrimental to the plot, though other times she can be quite helpful too. But like, at the end of the day, if the narrative, yes in the show but also in fics, feels like it backs that frustration up it feels skewed to me.

Low key in this regard Derision would almost be helpful, but meh.

Like, say Chloe finds out Marinette's identity post S3 and goes to angrily confront her about the whole "A supervillain was targeting me. You knew this & not only used me anyway but took away my one means of self defense, ETC" thing.

A counter along the lines of "Well you can be kind of an asshole and I don't like you" makes Marinette feel super petty given the scale Chloe's problems are operating on compared to the local jerk being rude to you.

I'm not aiming to minimize Marinette or other characters legitimately hurt feelings. Especially because they are fourteen ETC as well, so expecting them to be perfect is unfair. As said this is more of a narrative issue I guess. It feels like authors lack self awareness if they feel the conflict between real danger and being jerk are the same.

Does this make sense? How would you square such a confrontation if you were writing it?

I mean *waves at Chasing a Dream* I kind of did that, didn't I? The confrontation I mean.

What lots of people forget is that Marinette is not *just* a 14 yr old girl. She's both a hero and a protagonist. The themes of ML should have her trying to achieve good outcomes for everyone. The show *literally* has a reset power to be sure that there is no collateral.

It is *possible* to let Marinette be petty in the moment, to let her get a catharsis, but if she doesn't feel bad about it later and try to fix things then you aren't writing Marinette, you are writing revenge fantasy. -Which if you want to write that, go shead it's your story. It's just best to call a pot a pot.-

How the confrontation would go down would depend on so many things. You would need to give me a setup for me to answer 'How would you write it' 😁

Heck I even have it somewhat hallen in my current fic, Barren Soil, (no ID reveal) but since neither are PoV characters it isn't as spelled out.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Hello, proud non-reader of MariBat stuff here who is having MariBat thoughts from seeing too many Miraculous posts and Batman posts on my feed in quick succession! Thought I'd share.

I don't think that Bruce or the Justice League or any of the adults would be the ones to figure out that things have gone to shit in Paris and start roping the Miraculous Team into the greater superhero community. No, all those people have their areas and tend to stick to them. I think (if it's one of the Bats anyway), that it's probably Tim. Tim Drake who has connections to Paris, routinely goes off on whacky globetrotting adventures both with and without his various teammates and allies, and is a notorious little networker who sees "driven person with skill and potential" and says "how do I get this person on my payroll."

This is funny, you see, because Tim is exceptionally independent and doesn't tell people what he's up to a lot of the time simply because he hyperfixated too hard and he didn't realize that other people may want to know. This means that instead of getting adult supervision (which is what I think happens in most MariBat fics) the Miraculous Crew gets an enabler.

Like, Tim knows talent when he sees it. Even if he does resolve the Hawkmoth issue in 10 minutes---because nobody in this show is good at hiding their identity, and Tim is probably the worst thing that a paper thin secret identity could encounter. He's not going to let the magical badass teenagers just go back to living normal lives or doing their own thing. That'd be a waste of talent and opportunity. No, he's obviously going to start training them and introducing them to people and roping them into his schemes and calling in favors and now WHOOPS! All the adults suddenly have a new team of 20+ hormonal teens with way too many skills for their own good.

Yeah like!

Having read too many ml/batman crossovers, I can say that most of them were some variation of 'the class ends up in Gotham for some reason(usually a class trip) and they end up telling the Bats what's happening'.

Though I have seen one or two of 'Bruce and/or Tim ends up in Paris for Wayne Business™, sees an Akuma and goes 'the FUCK is that???'.

So yeah Tim going off on his own because some buddy in Paris mentions something, finds a dysfunctional af superhero team and goes 'well guess I gotta fix them'.

Also he wouldn't even be investigating Hawkmoth on purpose. He'd meet with Gabriel, go 'oh he's sketch as hell' and sneak around and find the whole Hawkmoth thing and just Hit him upside the head with a grappling hook and yoink the Butterfly.

[ginsoakedgirl80]

Costume Cdramas I watched in 2023

My 2nd year with Chinese dramas as my love for costume drama continues.

The title links to where you can watch it (tried to find free legal watches where available)

The Blood of Youth (40 x 45min, filming started in Oct 2021, released Dec 2022) fun action drama with a good dose of comedy, not for people who want lots of romance because they are too busy (and the canon couples don't have enough chemistry, there I said it) to be making out. Good for bromance, ghost ships and/or ace character head canons. Xiao Se's fur collar wins fur collar of the year, Tang Lian is my blorbo of early 2023.

My Uncanny Destiny (24 x 30min, filmed in autumn 2021, released Jan 2023) My favorite comedy of the year. Don't get turned off by the toilet jokes, it's a gem that spoofs drama tropes, gives you a coherent plot, silliness, fun side characters, a ML that is not afraid of being silly and a FL that plays capable and silly well. This might be a low budget production but they put that money to work. Politics, cross-dressing, found family, sisterhood, enemies to lovers, third wheel bisexual who reminds me of Wen Kexing, over the top villain, himbo villain who works out shirtless all the time, it got it all.

Wulin Heroes (22 x 45min, filming started Nov 2020, released Jan 2023) I watched this for Li Hongyi and he is incredibly beautiful in this so props to his stylist and cinematographer. BUT it is a badly written and edited low budget romp. If you are not watching for any actor then do not bother. FL is bearable once you realize she is very much of a lets see where this goes kind of character. 2nd ML is a suffering captive prince turned whiny regent played by Zhu Zanjin. So if you want to see Jin GuangYao suffer, you might like his scenes?? It can totally be read as a throuple especially with the New Tales of Wulin Heroes mini series add on. The choppiness might also be a result of the dangai ban??

No Doubt in us (24 x 14min, 2021, donghua) saw this on netflix and it roped me in with the body switch trope. It's sufficiently entertaining. Though I didn't enjoy the animation style apart from the chibi scenes.)

Heaven Official's Blessing (season 1, 11 x 26min, 2020, Donghua) It's THAT story and the art style is so pretty. I haven't read the books yet but still got what was going on most of the time. Liked it a lot. Haven't watched the 2nd season yet)

The Journey of Chong Zi (40 x 45min, filming started in June 2021, released Feb 2023) This xianxia is a mess! But it gave Scorpion King Li Daikun another memorable role with being the FL's protector. Watching Wang Zhoucheng having a ball with his role was fun. Immortal turned demon Wan Jie is so handsome and tragic. It did draw me in but the main couple is just ick so every time they were apart it immediately got better. ML's refusal to take the antidote to ease his obsession was lmao, FL is naive but charming and her demon styling rocks (do not get the hate on the actress, she is selfmade and there are many bad pretty face actresses around but I guess antis attract antis). Oh and there is a bromance between two of Chong Zi's harem members

Till the End of the Moon (40 x 55min, started filming in Nov 2021, released April 2023) aka my brain rot drama of the year. Drawn in from episode 1 on. Bai Li and Luo Yunxi <3 Pian Ran, Ye Qingyu, Nian Baiyu and Si Ying. <3 I was spamming tumblr with my screenshots, it was a jolly good time to watch this epic tale of love and suffering and saving the world dilemma with a great cast, characters, costumes, sets and soundtrack with the cdrama ppl of tumblr. If this weren't too complicated for cdrama newbies I'd recommend it to all my friends. Do not skip the dream arc (I ended up liking it) or later stuff will make less sense. I'm still annoyed that we didn't get a good extra episode that wraps up some lose ends for the main side characters and that reunion of the main characters but Youku really went nah we better play it safe with censors not liking happy ends for morally grey characters.

My Queen (24 x 45min, filmed in 2020, released Jul 2021) An FL enters a romance adventure VR game drama that I watched because I needed some fluff between TtEotM episodes. Why pick this among any other sufficiently entertaining dramas that are probably better written and not as forgetable? Because I wanted to watch Hu Wei (rich nepo baby in The Blood of Youth) in another comedy role >_> and ridiculous overacting he did deliver

The Trust (30 x 45min, filmed early 2021, released Apr 2023) The life action adaptation of the manhua No doubt in us is based on. I dunno why I finished this, I guess I'm not a quitter and needed silly stuff to balance TtEotM angst. For some reason the director thought it would be a good idea to film this like a donghua and it is causing 2nd hand embarrassment. The ML cannot pull off being a woman in a man's body, not even a martial arts nerd like Xu Yu. Like Wulin Heroes it was filmed before the dangai ban but that didn't stop them from having at least two bromances.

Wanru's Journey (24 x 35min, filming started in Jun 2021, released May 2023) A mess. So IQIYI released this simply to ride on the wave of Ao Ruipeng's The Blood of Youth popularity. Because this got so chopped down because of the dangai ban and it probably wasn't good to begin with. Basically an actress transmigrates into a dangai screenplay and gets between the leads while also making money by writing fic about them (ok this is my reading but she DID release fic and drawings of them). Of course it takes an unnecessarily dramatic turn, instead of staying on the comedy side, cannot remember more of the plot, oops.

King is not Easy (20ep x 30min, released Aug 2017) I watched this for the body switch trope and Bai Lu. Nice to see her actual face before the fair skin filter got her, entertaining enough, badly written silly comedy with mind mindbogglingly contrived final 4 episodes. It's Bai Lu's drama debut so it's nice to see how far she got

Destined (40ep x 45min, filming started in Jun 2022, released June 2023) Highly enjoyable. Fell in love with Bai Jingting. What's not to love about a playboy getting put on his path by his wife and them becoming friends, sworn siblings and then lovers in the process? No this is actually about FL finding her thing (trade) and being wildly successful at it, then it's also political, revenge and more. The leads are extremely charming and have great chemistry (the drama suffers every time they are apart lbr) and the writing is good, though people are too perfect and I wasn't into the whole palace stuff.

My Journey to You (24 ep x 60min, filming started Dec 2022, released Sep 2023) Had me from episode 1 on. Made me buy IQIYI VIP so I can watch it in good quality. Fell in love with Zhang Linghe. Yu Shuxin needs to do all the wuxia while she is still fit. Why waste being able to do the splits on some modern drama? The director sent her mud wrestling and she went for it. Everyone knows she is pretty no need for her to be beautifully put together on screen 24/7. Love the style, the character introductions, the characters, the cast, the chemistry, the story, the way you expect something and something else is going on. While it started out gloomy and remained so for the most part, it surprised me with throwing in more comedy than I expected. The good old idle manchild gets thrown into a position of power story but it's a murderous martial arts clan against another murderous martial arts clan. It's giving you some information but often just enough for getting what's going on just to play with your expectations later, FUN! And I didn't even mention all the other characters because surprise! this is actually an ensemble drama with several intriguing characters. Do not expect for the two leads to be on screen all the time.

Hilarious Family (24ep x 45min, started filming in June 2022 (?), released Sept 2023) A fun ensemble comedy I watched for Jackie Li. A widow moves to another city to marry off her 4 daughters (a silly man-crazy one, a homely one, a scholar one and a tomboy one). No it's not Pride and Prejudice but yes of course this is a romcom and all women have a love interest. It kind of drops off later on tbh, but still good for the characters and side characters. The success of this in China hopefully means that Jackie Li will get to be getting more comedies to work in after the Queen Lau disaster and people having a problem with her artist alias in 2022.

Hello There (20ep x 30min, released Jan 2023) I stumbled on this on IQIYI while looking for a light fast watch that will let my brain relax. The ML's best acting moment is when he plays a wooden robot. FL is fun. There are some questionable scenes, standard low budget action comedy fare.

An Ancient Love Song (14ep x 30 min, released June 2023) A wonderfully written and executed grown up time traveling story, that shows once again that you don't need a big budget to tell a story that draws you in. Ended my palace politics blockade. All this time traveling and no reincarnation in sight. ;_;

Story of Kunning Palace (38ep x 45min, filming started in May 2022, released Nov 2023) Tieing 2nd with My Journey to You for brainrot drama of the year. The cinematography is questionable, the story is not for teaching perfect courting behavior but those two are just such a good cp in their awkward messy way. Their friends/sidekicks are fun too and bring some comedy to that story though crazy in love ML is serving some comedy too. Props to ZLH for actually trying to grasp the basics of playing qin and not just waving over the strings like other dramas deem it sufficient. Bai Lu is Bai Lu-ing, gathering her harem. Coming into this right after An Ancient Love Song the idea to defeat destiny this time around seemed hopeless to me but this is one of those they are good at making plans and they turn out mostly alright dramas. I hope those two's material for the next years is as good as the two dramas with them I watched in 2023, fingers crossed!

Currently watching: A Journey to Love and Taoism Grandmaster as well as 2/3 through a LbFaD rewatch that I started in summer.

I also watched a handful of modern dramas (made in Korea and Japan) and some mini-dramas, but that is for another post.

And yes my most watched actors are probably those uncles stuck in Hengdian, might look that up another day.

If I got the time to blog about a drama I usually do it with screenshots so my tag for those posts is excuse my bad quality screenshots. In other cases I just reblog and put my thoughts in the tags.

[xoxonxo]

fav hp book and why??? and fav hp characters???

hi!! thanks for asking ml! okay so my FAVORITE harry potter book HAS to be ‘the halfblood prince’. i love the entire feel of it. all the lore of tom riddle and discovering the horcruxes. i think slughorn being introduced is also— different and we learn a lot more because of that. i also love book ginny so much and their book kiss is THE BEST. i also love romione so much, so seeing how their feelings truly evolved in this book was amazing. overall the halfblood prince is just, unique i guess? it’s not the same as the others i feel.

as for favorite characters… this will be a long one. overall, my FAVORITE character will ALWAYS be hermione. i have always related to her, even when i was little and first read the books. i always dressed up as her for halloween, and overall she has always been my favorite. i think she is SO complex (even though people say she’s not). contrary to popular belief— hermione is far from perfect. she’s smart, but she gets in her head. she’s a perfectionist, but goes crazy when she gets a tiny detail wrong. i could go on a rant about her for ages, but that’ll have to be for a different time.

this being said, i have more than one favorite. i adore book ron, and i feel like his loyalty and his character is very well written. i also LOVE sirius and remus, i think their characters even canonically are very interesting. luna lovegood is AMAZING and i love her quirks and, wow i love her. and finally, to much unpopular opinion, i love harry. i feel like he is so underrated in his own books/movies, even by the people around him.

thanks for asking!! i’d LOVE to answer any more questions!

xoxo 💋