#i hate this show vomits cries and throws up

[chippuyon]

getting ready in the morning

[vitzi9]

Pretty gifts

Joker X GN!Reader

TW/CW: reader is androgynous, murders, talking about kys, work in catering (it needs its own warning), reader curses a lot, mention of vomit, stalker, reader throws up, racism, Gotham is hell and fuck capitalism, blood, violence

tbh i'm a little sad bc nobody ever give their opinion on my works. I put another divider (like the red heart below) in the middle of the story, not really to separate as it's following directly but bc some people find my stories too long so it's like a checkpoint. So when you leave, you know where you were. (It's really long)

also the end is a little weird bc I have no idea if this fandom is still alive so, yeah :) if people are reading, I might continue it. Thing is some ppl find this Joker ugly so...

I hope you'll enjoy this. (19/02/2024) (17k)

You weren't weird by any mean, okay ? Life in Gotham is just really hard. You got harassed, robbed and assaulted more times than you can count. And each time by a new profile type ! Old, young or teen, it doesn't matter, everyone is desperate.

Some of your colleagues at work are prostituting themselves and you for sure considerate selling feet pictures.

That's how life is in Gotham.

But weird ? You stare at the angry man before you, unimpressed. You can't believe he called you weird as well as an incestuous result. You're neither of these. Fuck, how is weird and incestuous his first thought when insulting someone ? Like, he could've called you a fucker, a bitch... Anything !

Your aggressor, if you can even call him that after this, shows you his middle finger while walking background. Quickly though, he loses his balance and fall on the ground. Well, at least he didn't beat you up !

You already got assaulted for your money, which you don't even have, you got two jobs and barely reach the minimal wage. But at the end of the day they, well, stole the few you have, you know ? When you think about it, he strongly smelled like alcohol. That's probably why he failed his attempt.

Even stealing is death here. You never know who you're facing. Hell, just yesterday a guy was killed because he tried to assault some big chief of a mob. Someone with a clown face. TV says the man's limbs were still not all found.

Shit, getting killed by a clown must be mad humiliating too.

You sigh, trying to ease your tired traits by passing your hand on your face. At least the day is over, right ? Another day closer to death. You drag your suddenly much more heavier body on some few meters/yards more, silently praying that no one else will bother you.

Thankfully, your cries were heard. Pushing the old creaking door of the building, you rush to the mailbox. Never have you been comfortable staying long here. The door is only behind you and you don't know if someone is able to enter with bad intention.

Speaking of the devil...

No mail except for this weird card yet again. It's cardboard displaying a drawing of a joker, withdrawn from a poker package. It's certainly not the first time someone pull this kind of joke on you. Though, you have no idea who this is and it creeps you out a little. You turn the card to see if a message was left and sadly, (or not) you were right.

You've been trying to understand who this was for a long time now but in a big city like yours, with god knows who or what ? It's just impossible.

As always, you hate to think this because you don't want this creepy card to become part of your habit, a messy handwriting greets you in black ink.

"I'm everywhere in this city, no one can touch me yet some are fond of me."

You stopped school kind of early so your IQ is probably not high enough for you to understand that. Plus, you don't fucking want to.

You grab the card with you in order to throw it once at home and rush to the stairs (some says someone got killed in the elevator plus it's not working since months so you're not taking it anymore). Finally home. Your hallway still smells like piss and a deadly cold reign here (Nobody knows why). Two of the four bulb of the ceiling has burnt out and a faint static noise is resonating in the whole property.

This building is not even in a neighborhood that bad. But in Gotham, not that bad is still bad. Because bad is sleeping to the sound of gunshot and broken windows. While here, there's still these but not as often as in bad neighborhood. But you can add the moans hearable in the night in it as well.

Your building is really old though, which explains (partially) the bad state it's in.

Taking out the key off your pocket, you start to unlock the door. Unconsciously, your mind goes back to the card of the day. "I'm everywhere"... What's everywhere? There's air. But they specified 'in this city' so air might be too simple.

No one can touch me yet some are fond of me.

You can't touch air and you're not sure people are fond of it particularly. Like, air's fine. It's cool as fuck but are you fond of it ? No. Then what is it ?

You didn't even realize you were looking at the card again, your door wide open while standing in the middle of the hallway ridiculously. Slapping yourself mentally for being so careless, you enter and close the door and all your locks shut.

Some are fond of me, huh ?

In Gotham, what are people even fond of ? Misfortune you'd say. These fuckers love to see others suffer and even make sure they do by engaging in others people life.

But you don't know if that's really the answer. Damn, can't they just give you simple question? Or even better: stop giving you any ?

You drop your bag on the floor, slouching your shoulders and throwing yourself on the couch. Fuck, you hate your life. Why are you even here? You don't deserve this life. Nobody does !

Haphazardly moving your hand, you end up successfully grabbing the remote. You need to empty your mind, or have a background noise at least.

The screen lights up displaying you the newest information girl. The last man disappeared after he made the mistake of letting show his politic side. It's obvious everyone is corrupted here but the mystery in this story is ; who erased him ? It could be mob, politics themselves, everyone.

This city is lost.

The woman is talking about the incessant inflation and how numerous factories and business saw themselves forced to close for good. You just hope your business won't shut down, you need money. What if it does close, though ? You were already sweating trying to live with two jobs, but what if you end up jobless ?

It'll be impossible for you to pay anything. To keep your apartment. To eat. What are you supposed to do if this happens ? You already thought about that and all of your long reflection session always end up on one conclusion: kill yourself.

Because there's no way you're living without job in Gotham while being in the streets. You would have left the city if you had money or even family out there but it's not the case. So yeah, killing yourself that is.

Sure it looks a little extreme but isn't earth overpopulated anyway ?

It's better than being killed. At least, you choose your death ! But you're gonna hope this still won't happen. Up to now, your job is yours so taking such drastic measures won't be necessary. And you hope it'll stay this way.

Damn, you're depressed again. You drown out your worries by hiding your face in your couch's pillow. Man, what capitalism is doing to one.

You switch the channel without looking where your fingers pressed, this time a man is talking. He's saying something about a criminal and quoting every one of his crime. It was going crescendo, at first robbery, assault and burglary but just next to all of that was terrorism and mass murder.

You want to turn your head and watch the profile of this man but are too weak to move. So you simply listen closely to the man voice to get answers.

"Yes, he's a dangerous criminal and he's in town. He already break free from Arkham asylum twice now. If one of you see this man; do not engage, hide and call the police immediately. He is incredibly unstable and may not be alone. If you think you can win against him, you're wrong. He's a manipulative man and a mastermind. If you're seen by him, you better start to pray. Ends the man on a serious tone. Man, this guy knows how to reassure people...

-Indeed, a true monster. But please do not scare our audience. Batman was able to capture him twice, we'll be fine. The man chuckles but does not sound really honest. To answer all the questions you've been a lot to send us, we'll have the pleasure of meeting mister Harvey Dent here, chief of the police department to answer your worries. Harvey Dent ?"

And the voice switched to the other man. You like Harvey Dent. You like to think he's the only man in Gotham who's not corrupted. He's helping the citizens. Unlike that Wayne man. This guy could single-handedly resolve the poverty problem, but does he do it ? Of course not. He's rich after all, why should he care for bum like you ?

Harvey Dent is talking but you're not listening. All you know is that he's trying to ease the population. The men on TV are always saying the same things: empty promises. How the police is already taking care of the problem, that it'll be better soon. Like the police isn't already too fucking busy harassing the wrong people.

Harvey Dent is your last hope. The only man who can change things.

You deeply hope his promises aren't as empty as the other man before him. You turn off the TV and relax in the silence of your flat for a moment, breathing in the perfume impregnated in your couch.

There's screams outside. You can't tell if it's the neighbors or someone outside. Either way, you stand up feeling your eyelids getting heavier by each passing second.

But before leaving to your room, you stop in front of your window and stare outside for a moment. It's nighttime now. The city won't go to sleep, oh no, it's just waking up. The police can already be heard in the distance with its loud sirens. This city really is chaotic. It's just everywhere, you can't escape it. Touching it isn't even possible, you can't grasp it, nor resolve it completely; it's in the air. You can't fight against it. Nobody fights against it.

Fuck, it's like they're fond of it, here.

Chaos, it's scary when you think about it. Because you can't guess what's going to happen. There was a time when you thought that anarchists could be right but if anarchy looks like this, you don't want it anymore. You just want some peace and respect. But it seems too much to ask for Gotham.

You fucking hate chaos.

The next morning, your limbs were so sore you almost didn't make it on time to work. Your boss reprimanded you about your delay, pressuring you by recalling you the time one of your colleagues got fired for it. You were only late of something like one or two minutes but it didn't matter to him.

He only wanted to feel superior. He didn't even need real reasons to yell at you.

The restaurant wasn't packed. Only the usual rich families wanting to spend a pleasant day. They were here to eat breakfast. You try not to think too much about the fact that one single of their jewelry is equal to your salary.

The streets were alive; people running, cars honking. Your colleague hitting your shoulder to bring you back to earth, everything is normal.

"You think you can ask Mike to make another one ? she asks you with a sweet voice. The kid threw a tantrum. It's not salted enough and he hates sausages.

You lift up your eyes towards the crying kid in the back. Cold eyes stuck to his face. You're sure he specifically asked for sausage. You're the one who wrote down his order. And the salt ? Can't he just fucking put some himself?

-Don't question it. They're regulars. Plus, I don't think having beef with a kid is good for our reputation." Tells you your friend after seeing the death look you were giving him.

So you take the plate that looked absolutely perfect and delectable to bring it to Mike. Mike is an old man once passionate about cooking. Now he's forty three and stuck cooking eggs and toast to some crying kids.

"No fucking sausage and more salt please. you say, throwing the plate on the counter in a loud clatter. The man laughs at your anger and don't even need to ask to understand. 'Got it boss !' is your answer.

You lay your weight on the counter, back meeting the freezing temperature of it. Different smells invade your senses; fresh bread, warm oil and eggs. Well, lot of different smells were here as well but they're the one that really stuck out to you.

"You were late this morning right ? Did the client touched their plate ? You can eat it otherwise, it looks fine.

-Because it is, it was made by the best cook of Gotham after all.

The man laughs, mimicking someone blushing by putting his hands on his cheeks. He tells you that you're lying and that you're saying that to flatter him only. Mike had buzzed his hair a few months ago but they were back already; small rough curls mocking him.

You sigh and look back at the plate, it did look really fine. The kid hadn't even touched it ! The eggs and the bread were intact, left in the same state it was neatly put in earlier.

You spend your sweet time talking with Mike before your boss comes in infuriated, ordering you to come back at the front. And you're forced to do so. Grabbing a water jug on your way and putting on a fake smile, you walk towards a new family sitting so straight your back hurts just looking at them.

All of them laid down their menu and are waiting. You arrive, apologizing for the wait. 'Have you decided ?' you ask while putting the water on the table. The man takes the menu and start listing his orders without a smile nor even a look in your direction. The woman is busy keeping her children calm and asking them to calm down. The other tables are side-eyeing her while the husband doesn't even acknowledge his wife.

"Noted, you smile and turn your head to stare at the woman for her to start ordering.

She smiles awkwardly, and tells you her kids orders before ordering for herself. You thank them, "I'll be right back." and you leave to the kitchen. You sigh, scotch the orders on the wall, grabs the plate left for you to take and head back to the crying kid from earlier. The demon who ordered fucking sausage before saying he hated them.

But as soon as you place the plate before him with a smile, the kid slams his fists on the table resulting in his glass of water to splash on you and break on the floor. The mother gasps while the dad gives a slap in his son's head without even you registering the whole situation. Your clothes are completely soaked, you want to say something but his mother is sending daggers at you with her eyes and you know not to mess with this stupid fucking family.

Did he did it on purpose ? Yes. Are you gonna say something ? No.

"It's okay, I love children." you don't.

And you leave. Deeply humiliated. But you can't do anything. Because you're no one compared to them, they're gonna win. Always. Your friend asks if you're okay, you shrug. She's unable to question you further as she has to continue working. You head to the back in search of a broom.

The small closet is all the way behind the kitchen and you're already tired just thinking about it. Once you're in, you frenetically search for your item only for a shelf to fall apart behind you and destroy itself on the ground. You bite your lower lip with all your strength to retain you from crying and cursing the whole world.

It's okay, it's just a shelf. It's okay, you try to think but it's hard when it's not even noon and too much shit already happened to you.

You crouch down and start gathering everything you can when your eyes falls upon another one of these poker card. You frown and take it in your hands, examining it deeply. Uh, wow, okay. It's a little weird. You just happen to receive these daily in your mailbox and suddenly there's one here. Okay, totally normal.

You stand up, looking around you for an answer, trying to see if a camera is here somewhere. But nothing. So you turn the card to read the new message: You need one to live, I often rip it apart and yours is mine to steal. A heart ? you immediately think. You definitely need one to live and the sentence 'steal your heart' is kinda famous. But rip it apart ? Is it, like, a metaphor ? Glancing back quickly, you notice a small note left in the bottom right corner of the card. It reads: what a shitty shelf.

You laugh nervously, your breath getting stuck in your throat. What the actual fuck ? it's not even funny, what the hell ? Sorry for the fucking shelf ? They knew this was going to happen ? You definitely have to talk to someone.

You pass your hand on your face, rubbing it strongly as if to wake you up from a bad dream. Then you take the broom and head back.

Rushing to the kitchen, you accidentally pushes someone in your haste. You see Mike from afar and don't even need to approach him that you yell your question for everyone to hear:

"Mike, do you happen to play poker ?" the man faces you, his confused expression told it all, he didn't. And from the other's cook faces, they probably all thought that you were crazy. None of them looking guilty. But you'll investigate that later.

Not wasting any seconds, you almost run to the main room to find your friend. Luckily for you, she's cleaning glasses at the bar.

"Hey, is it yours ?" you're a little out of breath when showing her the joker card. Your friend simply shakes her head. When you asked her if she knew if one of your colleagues was playing poker, she shrugged and told you she didn't know with an apologetic smile.

"Why ? she asks.

-It's complicated." you say.

It can't be from the same person, right ? If it is anyway, that probably means one of your colleagues is the one putting these at your place. Which is a terrifying idea because you sure never gave your address to anyone here. Trying to see the bright side of it all, that means that you may know your 'joker'. And if that's the case, there's a way for you to stop them. It's better than the cards coming from a total stranger, because you can't act against them. You'll probably leave some clues at work to see and trap your joker.

The rest of the day was terribly hard. You were dying from the inside. Your tummy was growling like a beast; you did not have the time to eat. As you're juggling between two jobs, your boss thought that he had to exploit you as much as he could before you left. Because you're joining the bar, your second working place, at two pm.

"You're gonna leave in the middle of the day, when most people are coming. I'm losing money here, you see ?" he had said to you that day. Yeah, he does not give you any breaks because to him, you don't need one as you leave earlier. Of course you tried to negotiate and he was agreeing with you, on the condition that he pays you less.

"Mike, I'm leaving. you tell him, taking off your apron. Have a nice day, say hi to your kids for me." he smiles warmly to you, wave and you're out of the room in a quarter of seconds. You already bid goodbye to your friend so all you had to do now was to leave.

Putting on your jacket, your thoughts can't stop but think back about this other card you found. Yours is mine to steal. In what sense ? You could've thought it was some creepy flirting but it's just too much. You found these at home, at work. Everywhere. Are they going to rip your heart apart, too ? Are these threats ?

Hopping in the bus, you try to stay away from Gotham's crackhead as much as possible but it's hard when they're drunk and staring at you like they want to beat the shit out of you.

Fortunately, your stop arrives and you hurry to get out. It's 2:36 PM (14:36), the bar is not open yet but cleaning and organizing everything is part of your contract.

It's at five pm (17h) that you open the bar, standing behind your counter and waiting patiently for clients to arrive. You're happy Sean is here. He's a big man of 2m3 (~6'8), practices combat sport and knows how to handle different weapons. In a neighborhood like this, you're more than grateful to have him.

He's also the son of the owner. So it's really just the two of you here. The first persons starts entering the place and it quickly fills up entirely. It's quite a famous area, cops never comes here as mobs are doing their own laws. Sean puts on some background music you can't even hear anymore over the loud voices of the men laughing cavernously.

You're busy serving people's drinks. Moving as fast as you could but it being hard when your thoughts are plagued by cards and your mind is not here. Who's this joker man ?

The street lamp are all finally on, meaning it was past seven already. You didn't even see time pass, the incessant flirting and bickering of the men here enough to keep you from being alone with your thoughts.

"Thanks baby." says a young man when you give him his beer. He has a really bad scar going from his forehead to his lower lip. It's no surprise, you saw men with less limbs, other talking unknowns languages, some with sight or hearing completely lost. Sometimes normal people like you would come, women even but more rarely as the men here were true animals.

You wonder what type of people there is with you tonight. You're not naive enough to think all of them are innocent, in fact, you're sure 85% of your client here are criminals. This bar is situated apart from the city, in a corner more secluded with abandoned looking buildings and scary dark alleys you certainly don't want to visit at night, or even at day for that matter.

This place sucks.

Honestly, with your cards problem, you even considered engaging a spy to see who put these creepy notes in your mailbox. But two things prevented you to do so; first, you do not want to do business with criminals, second; there was a chance that your joker was one of your client.

Some of your clients here probably have mental illness as well, worsening their state. And maybe someone fixated on you and decided to follow you home. It'd be really awkward to engage a man to scare your joker away, only for him to be the same person you're trying to avoid.

But now this idea starts to disappear. You found a card at work after all, your boss is not stupid enough to let anyone break in. So the criminal track wasn't the one. It's one of your colleagues. There's just no way one of the bar's client could have followed you home and at the restaurant.

But on the other hand, it's difficult to see one of your colleagues following you home too. Because after working at the restaurant, you're not heading home right away. You're working here. Is it possible they waited outside until you finished ?

"A whisky for me." is what tears you away from your misery.

You do not look up, instead turning your back to him and reaching the shelves to search for the bottle. You grab a glass, throwing ice cubes in it and pouring the harsh liquid in. You then slide it to him, he nods and drink a first long gulp.

You follow his arm to his face before blocking on it. It's a man with a skin so pale it's getting worrying. His eye bag are terribly dark that you thought he had put black eye-shadow on them. And for a second, you truly thought it was the case. He had really bad scars going from each corner of his lips up to his cheeks, like a badly drawn smile. In the small crevices of his scarred skin, there was faint white and red paint, or make-up that did not left during shower. Is he like, a mime or a clown ? He looks like he haven't showered for a while, no judgements or anything, but his green hair are greasy.

He continues to savor his drink quietly while you're here, astonished by such weird scars. You saw scars, a lot of them. But they all looked accidental, caused by self defense or anything. But his clearly looked volunteer. You could clearly see that the goal was to create some sick form of smile, whether it is successful or not. What the hell happened to this guy ? Has he been tortured ? Did he make these to himself ?

'You got some nasty scars' you want to say. But the wicked grin he gives you is enough to make you gulp and smile awkwardly. Of course he saw you looking at him, you did not move an inch/millimeters. And he does not look like the type of guy to be nice.

"D'you like them ?

-Sorry ? you blinked.

-My scars. Do you like them ?

-Uh, yeah, yeah.

Fucking creepy. What the hell ? What did he do to have those ? Why is he even asking you this ? Why is he looking at you like that ?

-Do you want to know how I got them ?

-No." you answer at the mere second he ended his question, by pure fear he was going to destroy you. Or try to recreate those scars on you. Hey, you never know.

The man grins and chuckles at the quickness of your answer and stops talking for a while. Did you just escape death ? You think so.

He stopped drinking, though. You try to look busy but you're just organizing and disorganizing things on loop. Sean is having the time of his life chatting with the clients towards the tables area. But you, you're stuck behind the counter. You can't even count the times you got your ass slapped or got whistled. Plus, some of these guys often try to threaten you with knifes to make you give them free drinks.

It could've work if Sean wasn't here.

But it's comical in a sense. The morning, you're busy being the little dog, the little slave of these stuck rich people crying when their plate arrives one minute late, with prices on the menu so high it's clearly a scam for some eggs and bacon. With a ground so perfectly clean you could lick it.

And at night, you're here. Surrounded by criminals, drunkards and God knows who. With bad music taste rumbling in the background and place so dirty you could throw up and not even see it through the trash lingering on the ground. Well, in your defense, because you're the one cleaning, it was clean before. But everyone arrives with their disgusting shoes or bleeding and then they spill their drinks, and they fight and, yeah. At the end of the day, this place is a mess.

Your back is still facing the mime guy but you know he's staring at you. You know it because you can't stop shuddering. Your works are sure keeping you in touch with reality at least, you've seen both extreme.

"What's your name ?" You face him, afraid to offend this weirdo.

Telling him your name out of all the people ? Never. Smiling the best you can, you tell him your coworker name from the restaurant. He grins like a Cheshire cat, his smile accentuated by his prominent scars, nodding. You know better than to ask him back his name, he's probably, surely, a criminal. You don't have a death wish at the moment. You usually don't like to lie but this job at the bar taught you better.

-You know, he starts again and you pray he does not start to harass you with questions, he licks his lower lip before continuing. There's one thing I truly hate in this world. He pauses. You wanna know what ?

-Tell me. You say reluctantly, not wanting to anger him.

He lays one of his elbows on the counter, raising a brow and looking around him as if going to tell you a secret he wants no one else but you to know. Then, he looks at you again, a mysterious glint in his eyes.

-Liars.

Oh.

-They're such... he squints his eyes, moving his hand in the air to the flow of his thoughts. Vicious, little bitch, you know ? If we want to change things, he licks his lips, they're the first people that have to go. Don't you think ?

-Yes, I'm with you on that. you hurry to answer, nodding frenetically, feeling your blood run cold and a sweat cross your spine. Myself I really can't stand lying, you know ? Liars are really bad, they're manipulative and all. you were just trying to save your ass at this point. You received a lot of threats in your life, but this man right here ? There was something deeply wrong with him. He was fucking traumatizing you. You did not want to mess with him.

The only thing plaguing your thoughts is; does he know ? Does he know you lied about your name ? Because he specifically asked this question right after you presented yourself. Does he know ? No, no he doesn't. How is he supposed to know you ? You don't even have any name tag on.

The man chuckles deeply before you, licking very briefly his lips again; is that a tic ?

-What's his name ? he asks, looking straight to Sean, as if judging his soul. Does he have to stare at people like he wants to kill them all the time ?

Now you understand. He scared the shit out of you to ensure you wouldn't be lying to him. And now he's testing you. Why, you don't know. But you answer honestly this time. He smiles mischievously. Maybe that wasn't even his plan, maybe he's just deeply weird and unsettling. Maybe he doesn't even know you ever lied to him. Maybe you see things where there's none.

If there's one thing Gotham has taught you, it's to be wary of everyone.

-Are you fucking him ? he asks again, still looking at Sean laughing with the others.

-Why ? this thought never even crossed your mind before. Why would you fuck Sean ? He's nice, he's good looking but, you don't know, you wouldn't fuck him. You just, don't want to ? He's a friend.

-He's quite the tall guy. Are you fucking him ? he insists, ignoring completely your question.

Wow, that is getting incredibly uncomfortable and personal. You know you're supposed to entertain them and all but damn, this guy is killing you. You throw a glance in Sean's direction, hoping to catch his attention so he could help you but he's busy laughing with other clients.

-Why're looking at him ? I'm the one talking.

-I don't think this is appropriate, Sir. It's quite the personal questions you're asking me here. you laugh nervously, hoping to relax the mood but the man before you doesn't even react. Can I maybe offer you another drink ? It'll help...

-You got something to hide ? he licks his lips.

What. The. Fuck.

-I have to stay mysterious in order for you to come back, right ? you do not want this weirdo to come back, but that's the default sentence you usually say to avoid answering intimate questions.

But the make-up man does not insist, he gives you a cheeky grin.

-You want me to come back ? How flattering.

Most of the time, what you implies when saying this is that you want them to come back to consume more, so you have more money because you're kinda the bartender of this place. But this guy just plainly wants to fuck you up. Where's Sean when you need him the most ?

It's like no one around you is seeing you. They're all drinking their sadness, trauma, day away, not caring that a creepy guy is keeping you in his weird conversation you clearly do not want to participate in.

-Do you want to play a game with me ?

-I'm... Quite busy, actually. So...

But he knows you, now. He knows you're a bad little liar. Listening to you is now optional to him; he clearly doesn't care. The man stands up and you start to get scared. What is he going to do ? Is he going to hurt you ? Your hand is holding firmly the bat under the counter, fingers shaking with adrenaline. You never used a weapon before, less against someone. You never hurt someone, intentionally at least.

Sean, move your ass over here, now.

The man grins, eyes trailing your arms. He knows you're hiding something under this counter, but can he blame you ? You're surrounded by criminals, he's one himself ! It's impossible to know what to expect. Honestly, you're ready to scream to get attention and get helped. Even if there's high possibilities for a general fighting to start resulting in this poor bar to be destroyed.

But the man does not try to hurt you, he smiles, put his hands in his pocket and you now realize how well he's dressed for someone like him. A nice and well maintained purple suit.

"It makes me live and follow you at dark, keeps me up at night and makes you fall apart."

No...

-Who am I ?" He ends slowly, torturing you.

Your shoulders slouched down, tension leaving your hand on the bat. Your body become a big, useless puddle. Eyes as big as owl ones.

"I-I don't want to play. Your stutter had gave away your uneasy feeling, you step back, eyeing this man from head to toe.

You've come to despise those damn riddles. You don't want to hear more of them.

-But this one's so simple sweetheart. He mocks you. It starts with a pretty little O and ends with a N. I'm sure you'll find out.

You shake your head slowly; no, it's not simple, no, you don't want to find out, no, you don't fucking want to listen to him. But he simply chuckles, relatively amused by such a big reaction. Well, with that kind of huge revelation, you can't quite control yourself.

He's rummaging through his pocket, heart almost leaving you. What is he searching for ? A weapon ? What is he thinking ? But against all odds, the joker man takes out something so small you can't even see it behind his palm. You know he's doing it on purpose, hiding it from you to destroy you more, to see the look of surprise, fear or shock, or... Whatever, on your face.

-That's my business card, as a little... Reminder." You deeply doubt someone like him own any business, less business card. So what is he going to give you ?

He lays gently his hand on the counter right before you, not letting you see what he was hiding until he removed completely his hand, confirming your theory of him hiding it on purpose. You'd recognize them anytime. Your heart is beating faster, so fast you're scared it might explode. Nothing is written on the side you're staring at, you grab the cardboard, praying that it's just a crazy coincidence even if the drawing of the joker smiling stupidly on the card is taunting you.

But when you turn the card, the answer is given to you. For the first time since you've started to receive these.

-Obsession." you sigh, breath getting stuck in your throat. You were petrified. "You're... You're the joker man." you say in a shaky voice. Was it finally him ? Answers, you needed answers. But when you looked up, the man had disappeared. Leaving you with nothing but deep fear.

Silent tears slide on your cheeks, you bring your hand to your mouth in order to hide your muffles. Looking back at the card, you feel your legs give up under you when your real name is written in bold black letters in a bottom corner. Bile is rushing to your throat.

It's him. He's the one sending you these.

But you don't know him. You don't fucking know this man. And he's a criminal. You're fucked. Smiling like a madman, you start to laugh nervously, not realizing the situation. It's a joke, right ? You cough, progressively choking on your saliva. You bite your lower lip so hard it starts bleeding. You pray, you pray so hard this man isn't your stalker but you're lying to yourself. It's literally the worst case scenario that could happen.

You've never seen this man in your entire fucking life. Where does he even come from ? Why you ? Why him ? With his fucking creepy scars and fucking riddles. He knows your address ! Your name ! What else does he know ?

"You okay there ?" You nod without even looking at the person talking to you. You choke out a quick answer before rushing to the back towards the private toilet.

Immediately collapsing to the ground, you throw up everything you had in you, which wasn't a lot to begin with. You barely even ate anything. But you can't stop. You empty yourself, only vomiting water.

Sean finally comes get you, he rubs your back and help you get up. "What happened ?" He asks you.

"I don't fucking know." Is the only thing you can muster.

What you do know however, is that you're scared to go home.

"Are you heading home tonight ?" You ask him, voice hoarse. "Well, yeah" is his answer. So you asked him, begged him to come with you. Because you were horrified by the mere idea of going home alone. Maybe he would be here.

"You can come to mine if ya want." he offers. And you think that the guy from yesterday probably was right, you were weird. Why aren't you going to the cops, after all ? Probably because they'll think you're lying, that you're insane. A joker ? Harassing you with riddles ? You'll end up in a asylum in no time.

But wouldn't you be safer in a asylum ?

When Sean and you closed the bar, it was already well past one am. You didn't had the strength to redo this all over again tomorrow. But Sean was of good company, cheering you up and trying to ease your mind. Multiples times he tried to ask what was wrong, but he guessed it alone. "Was it that weird customer in purple ? The one with the suit ? I saw him lingering a really long time at the counter." You shrugged when he said that, completely worn out. What could he even do against him anyway ? The Joker man wasn't known to any of you. It was a lost cause.

Chatting with your friends wasn't even crossing your mind, you were terrified. The long walk to his apartment was as quiet as a church. What the fuck were you going to do now ? You were dead, yes, you were just dead at this point. What can you even do against some psycho following you around ? Fight back ? Yeah, if you have a death wish. You have to get out of this city, there's no other plan. But how ? And to go where ?

"We're here." says Sean. You've never been to his apartment's before, and to be honest, you would have preferred for it to happen in other circumstances. Trying to escape a criminal wasn't in this year plan.

Before you stood a tumbledown grey building, not much different from yours in reality. After all, Sean's not that rich, he's payed like you and live with his dad's payment. Though, you're pleasantly surprised to see the coziness of his place.

Warm lights were turned on, his sofa looked quite mellow and the general smell of the apartment was lovely. Not that you're judging him, but you wouldn't have thought he was such a clean guy. Because he's like, well, some kind of mafia man. So, yeah, he often smells like sweat and dirt himself, it's a surprise his place is so neat. Sure, it's damaged by humidity then and there, there's cracks in the walls but so do yours. The paint is peeling in some areas as well, you're used to it enough to not notice it. You take off your shoes, but keep your jacket. Probably in search of a safe feeling, maybe by fear of being vulnerable.

"You can sit on the couch, I'll order something.

You don't even have the will to eat right now, the ugly feeling everything entering your body might be threw back out instantly bothering you too much. However, you did sit on the couch. It smelt like him; you hated it. You were violating his property, his intimacy. You shouldn't be here.

But do you really have a choice ?

Sean is talking in the background, on the phone, yet, not a single word is understood by you. It's like he's speaking a whole new language. The red flowers on his TV stand keeps reminding you of the joker's card and his damn hat.

He hung up, that you heard, and left for another room. You hate to bother him, he probably only wanted to go home and sleep after a hard day but you messed up his plans. Grabbing the remote, you turn on the TV to empty your mind. You search for series, documentary or cartoons, only to be disappointed at the sight of obnoxious ads.

You end up watching the news, it being the sole channel not drowned in ads. A woman is speaking in a professional neutral voice, wearing a white shirt. She talks about the inflation killing our country before going onto her next subject; the outgrowing insecurity. The two preoccupation of the government, or at least, what they want you all to think about.

From what she says, a hold-up happened in a bank yesterday, in plain sight. (Why do they talk about it now, you don't now.) The building stank laughing gas. Only one man declares having seen the main suspect. Her chair slides to the side, leaving space for the video to appear and for the victim to testify; "Green disgusting hair and some fucked up clown make-up. That's the only thing I saw. He has no value, I'm telling you, criminals used to believe in things ! He has no respect for anyone, he killed his own team ! He's gonna come back for me, I'm sure of..." and he's erased from the screen at his outburst, for everyone to forget his trauma.

Did he say clown ?

"Indeed, the woman vigorously resumes, a faint smile on, was she laughing at the victim ? green hair and clown make-up is on brand today as everyone only talks about this mysterious criminal. After disappearing for months, the troublemaker is back in town and seems unstoppable. But has he truly ever gone away ?

It's not the same man, right ? No, no of course not. If he's a famous criminal, he has better things to do than harass insignificant useless civilians like you with stupid riddles. He robbed a bank ! Why would he even look in your direction? Fuck, what if he thinks you have some kind information? What if he think you're related to a criminal ? What if you are ?

-He calls himself Joker, always wears his clown make up and has a habit of wandering at night." The woman straightens her posture and clasps her hands together. "After yesterday's fiasco, the famous criminal already perpetrated his next attack. Earlier, at noon, the biggest hospital of the city was targeted. Cops were able to evacuate everyone urgently. Gotham is in shamble, people are afraid and angry. The police is trying to calm the crowds, in vain." Images are shown behind her of people running, yelling, stretchers evacuating and flashing cops car during her speech.

She continues talking but you stopped listening when finally a picture of the Joker was displayed on the screen, his face horrifyingly reminding you something. Too many information are going to your brain in so little time. You try to rationalize everything but it's hard when your mind is too tired to cooperate.

He's called the Joker. And you happen to receive joker cards. He wears make up. The man at the bar looked like he did. Hyperventilating is the only thing seemingly still possible from your body. You stand up, inking, sinking, learning, engraving his face to memory.

Two big scars, both going from each corner of his mouth to his cheeks.

Like a badly drawn smile.

"Sean !" you call. Your friend runs out of the bathroom, disheveled, shirt loose and no pants, only in underwear. He rushed out, scared something had happened. Your shaking pointer aim at the TV screen, at the face of the man on it. "It's him. He was at the bar."

When Sean looks at the man, a chill runs down his spine. He understands what might have happened earlier. He could see the purple suit the man had on on the picture, which was the exact same one he saw at the bar. Fuck, it is the same man. He knows the Joker, hell, everyone knows him here.

And that's bad news.

He's everywhere in everyone business. He has no sense of loyalty whatsoever, killing even his best allies and no one has the slightest clue what he wants. At the bar, he probably scared the shit out of you, he probably threatened you, too. Why, it's impossible to know. He's quite the unpredictable.

-Don't worry, he says, he probably forgot about you already. He's a scary man, likes to shock people a little. He always attack for a reason and you're not a criminal, so you're good."

But you couldn't believe it. He does not have all the information. He doesn't know about the tons of cards you received until now. Eyes completely stuck to the screen, you observe the face before you, knowing you probably wouldn't be able to escape him.

Somehow, this emission confirmed to you that he was real, that you weren't dreaming. And that you really were in it deeply.

Sean insists you shower to relax a little bit, you're holding onto the remote for dear life, nails digging in your palm. When in the bathroom, your eyes automatically gravitates towards the mirror, discovering your new face scarred by sleepless nights and cries. You're almost scared of your reflection. Sighing, your hands find themselves in your pockets alone but you're startled by the coldness they are greeted with. What have you in your pocket that is freezing like that ?

Your unease comes back in a rush when you take out another one of these cards from your jacket. Are you for real going crazy ? What is going on ? When did this get here ? How did it get here ? It's your damn jacket ! You had it in the work closet all day !

You're tired and doing this little fucked up game is not doing any good. A greasy almost wiped red is the first thing you see, his lips, you guess. He wears some kind of paint as lip stick, he fucking kissed the card, creepy bastard.

Turning the stiff paper, your eyes meet once again one of these painful riddle.

"I'm everywhere, you can't escape me and I'm coming for you. Who am I ?" tears slide quietly on your cheeks, the only sane reaction your emotionless state can give. You're not even moving, eyes staying fixated on the card; the tears are just physical. Body exhausted from it all. What is this now ? You know he's not talking about an object anymore, he's talking about himself. It's not riddles, it's threats. He's coming for you, what is he going to do ? Kill you ? Torture you, or worse ?

The shower did nothing to ease your nerves, you've never been so tensed in your life. What could you even do against this man ?

When Sean called you to eat, you let him know you weren't feeling the slightest hunger. He said nothing, simply keeping a plate for you on the kitchen counter.

You did not even blink an eye that night, paranoid at the slightest noise, a knife slept cautiously under your cushion. The windows and doors were completely shut and you would have loved to do the very same thing to your brain. You fell asleep, eventually, when you should have been up.

Sean was still asleep when you awoke the next day. You were late, and terribly so, the clicking clock on the wall warning you. It was already way past nine. You don't like to leave his house without even thanking him for his hospitality once again. But you'll see him tonight, at the bar. You'll probably have to quit, though. Not yet, as you have to secure another job. You can't risk being here without money, after all. Joker knows where you work at, no way you're staying more than necessary. But... he has to know about your restaurant job too, somehow.

You had a card in the closet, with his stupid shelf trap, after all.

You're safer there, maybe. It's quite the chic area. There's camera, people. Socialites are here, nobody attacks socialites. Usually, at least. Doubts subsists, the journalist on the TV affirmed the Joker attacked in the middle of the day, in plain sight. Would he attack the rich ? They're untouchable, their lawyer always know what to do and they know everyone. You can't kill a famous advocate, right ? It's like attacking the mayor. Remembering his face, you keep the unsettling impression he could kill anyone.

Fuck.

You take a piece of paper, write a few words on it, scotch it on the fridge and leave, dashing outside to not worsen your lateness. You were dead, oh you were so dead. Late couldn't even describe your situation by now. You boss was going to kill you, de-materialize you and send you in another world.

You ran until your legs couldn't support you anymore, people were side-eyeing you in the streets. Certainly thinking of you as some kind of thief or at the very least a criminal of some sort.

Jumping in the nearest bus, your legs being too weak to support you anymore, you finally arrive at your workplace ten minutes later. It was quarter to ten.

You're breathless, rushing once again to the rear of the restaurant. You push the back door open but to your surprise, it won't budge. What ? The guys never lock the door that early in the morning, they know you'll arrive, eventually. You knock a few times, knowing you had the key anyway but if someone was passing by inside, it would be quicker.

You don't have to wait that long as your boss himself is the one opening it for you, as if waiting beside it until your entry. He probably was. He crosses his arms on his chest, eyes glaring holes in you. Damn, you'll have to fight with him, again. You promised him you wouldn't be late anymore, he will never trust you again.

Well, it's not like he trusted you much before to begin with.

"Listen, I'm terribly sorry I'm late but... he scoffs.

-As If that was the only problem ! The man tightens his jaw, talking between his teeth. He approaches his head to yours, almost colliding your forehead together; he talks lowly, scared to be heard. You know damn well what's wrong.

Wow, okay. You were not expecting his reaction to be that dramatic. You're just (incredibly) late. It's not new. What's gotten into him ? You squint your eyes, at a loss of words.

-I was just... You start, ready to recite him once again your preposterous apologies.

-I don't give a fuck about you being late, he cracks, get out of here now ! You are not to put a single of your foot in this restaurant anymore ! You're gonna scare my customers ! In the process, a postilion left its house to attack your cheek. You cringe, immediately wiping it with your sleeve, shuddering in disgust.

-What ?

-What, what, he mimics you with a grimace and a weird voice, Get out of here ! He articulates each words slowly as if you were a foreigner, except his tone was harsh and firm. Haven't you seen the news ? If they hear a criminal is working here, I'm screwed.

-A criminal ? But I'm not... I'm, what the hell ? I'm not a criminal Tony.

-Yeah, yeah, and I'm rich ! Get the fuck out of here or at least, do me a favor and let me turn you in to the police." his face changes to disdain, suddenly thoroughly repelled by your being. "Man, you have to be some dirty criminal to have 600 000$ put on your face. What kind of shit have you done, huh ?

Six fucking what ?

-Uh, listen, I think there's some kind of misunderstanding here. I'm no criminal and I'm definitely not worth that much money.

Hell, in all your life, you did not even earn that much money !

-Hey, his tone changed to deviously adopt one sweeter. I don't want any problems okay ? With you, the cops or whoever is fucking wanting you dead. I'm an honest citizen.

What a hypocrite, he was literally yelling at you seconds ago.

You frown, trying to even understand what he's implying. You scratch your cheek, eyeing him from head to toe. He's in a tux, like always. He never do shit here, settling for bossing everyone around while trying to make you believe he's an irreplaceable element in the team.

Judging by his eyes, he is not kidding.

Is he for real firing you ? Just like that ? For some imaginary story he just made up ? Jobless, you will be jobless. He is firing you. A nervous chuckles escapes you, earning you a raise of the brow from Tony. No, oh no no ! You have this job, you did nothing wrong ! Life is already more shitty than it ever been ! Stalker, debts, fucking serial killer wanting your ass and now you lost your main job ? No, that won't do.

You were already planning to leave the bar, how are you supposed to find back two jobs ? One already was an ordeal.

-Honest citizen ? Are you blind ? You were more so than him at the moment. You don't even have an ounce of honesty in your fucking body ! Are you even aware of everything I did for this shitty place ? You can't fire me and you won't because no one else want to be your fucking slave ! Your job is slavery ! I don't want to be some kind of toy you throw away after you've had enough fun with it !

Tony was outraged you could talk to him like that. He was similar to a bourgeois in the eighteenth century, acting shocked after being the most gruesome person alive, putting his hand displayed on his chest and playing innocent.

-Me ? You should be honored to even be working ! You never understand, do you ? You are wanted, that's it ! There's nothing more, nothing less. You are fired. I am not hiring trash.

You hope the worst criminal of this town gets you, right here, for his fucking ugly disgusting restaurant to be destroyed to the very last crumbs. You'll use his body as a human shield while you're at it, after all, what else can he be useful for ?

Your body is boiling like lava. Hitting, jumping, crying, you don't know what you want, need, to do to externalize all of these toxic feelings. Never in your life have you felt more used, humiliated.

You knew he was an asshole, of course. Everyone does, but hell he fired you ! After years of being his toy !

You understand why people in Gotham are crazy. You understand why they suddenly breakdown and fall into crime. Their life, just like yours, was wasted by some self centered prick like him. Some self centered prick who are not even much richer than you, but think they will be when disrespecting you.

Your face isn't even warm, it's seething.

Your life is flashing before you, old friend, family, home, Mike. You won't even be able to pay your rent ! Of course chaos would be loved in a city where trash rules. Why the manifestation are so violent, why insecurity and banditry are prominent ? Because everyone is tired but nobody is listening. Because nobody wants to talk, they think they're at the top of the food chain.

And he won't change his mind. You're fired, that's all. Nothing can alters his decision. It's too late. He probably just created some poor excuses to get you out, you know it. Because you're not a criminal, and no one is giving away 600 000$ for your ass; he's lying. It's too farfetched.

You muster the calmest voice you can get while in such a boiling state, and God knows how hard it is. Wasting more time here is useless, he'll pay but not now, and not by you. You have a new problem: you need to find a job.

-Why don't you kill yourself, Tony ? Right now ? your eyes were empty against his outraged ones. That's why your wife left you, by the way. That's why she left you and took your damn kids. You don't even deserve to live, really, kill yourself, jump, it'll be better for everyone."

You shrug and turn away to never come back. You really hope he disappears forever.

And without anything else to do with your day, you went back home, body functioning by its own. With no diploma and no driving license, how were you supposed to find a job ? You had little experience, mostly having worked in little jobs everywhere. Cashiers, cleaner, babysitting, gardener (you really just cut bushes and mowed the lawn), security guard, fuck, you did it all. Plus, you have a second job and companies hate to arrange their schedules according to yours, in their point of view, you're the desperate one, you should manage your life.

It was safer to wander in Gotham now, the sun was bright in the sky. It was a clear day, really pretty. A shame you couldn't enjoy it.

You open the always creaking door of the building, feeling the freezing temperature inside. Truly a mystery, though a benediction in the hottest summer. A night out and it's like you already don't know this place anymore. You stand in the middle of the hall, staring at each crack in the walls, each suspicious stains, inhaling the disgusting smell emanating from it all.

Yeah, you hate this place.

Sighing and rubbing your tensed shoulders, you approach your mailbox. Opening it, you're pleasantly surprised when no cards is in sight. Maybe he finally got bored ? Your reaction back at the bar probably wasn't what he expected, not satisfying enough so he gave up. You hope so.

What's inside however is a A4 white sheet folded in two. Thinking a neighbor might have wanted to contact you, you open the paper. Yet, on it, the photo of your identity card in huge format, above it, your whole legal name with just below a price, written 'wanted' for treason. A chill run down your spine.

Okay, that is not funny. What the hell ? Did Tony did that ? If yes, how and why ? You pass your hand on your face, harshly rubbing your eyelids to wake you up. This is a joke, everything's a joke.

An echo brings you back on earth when someone goes down the stairs, upon seeing you, your neighbor halts. You offer him a tight lip smile out of pure politeness, which is a an act he does not even try to imitates as he eyes you as if seeing an animal. Do you look that bad ?

Awkwardly, you shift your weight on your feet to ease the tension growing in you. Why is he still looking at you ? The man, even though you were already well far away from him, distances himself and instead of going straight to the door to leave, bothers to make a detour in order to skirt you completely, without daring to approach a millimeter. Does he think you're going to bite, or what ? You two have talked in the past, briefly sure, but still. Fuck, his behaviour does not comfort you one bit.

When the door shut, you're left standing alone once again.

Things are definitely going in a direction you don't appreciate, you may need to hurry up before something really bad happens. Your hand fetches your phone in your back pocket, calling Sean. When he answers, he does not even bother to greet you.

"You okay? You left really early. You're at work ?

-I got fired, long story. I really need your help, again. I'm truly sorry I myself don't quite understand what's going on and... you stop your ranting, breathless and a lump in throat.

-It's okay, really. I don't mind. Tell me everything, how did you get fired ? Why ?

You called him for several reasons. The first being that he's kind of the only friend you have. The second being that Sean's family know people. They're all criminal at different degrees, whether it is gang leader, small thief or hitman. He's the only one actively trying to live an honest life.

-It's complicated and I'm still pissed about it. you tell him seriously, walking in circles in the hall. I have a question and I really need your answer.

-Not stressing at all. He tries to ease the mood, in vain.

-Am I wanted ?

Sean doesn't answer for twenty seconds too much. His silence is starting to worry you, why isn't he saying anything ? Is he confused ? Does he know ? Please, may he not hide something from you. Wanting to distract yourself, you take the stairs to join your flat. Your fingers were creasing the paper sheet in your hand so hard you could have ripped it.

-In like, he finally starts with a strained voice, a personality kind of way ? Relationship ? He chuckles awkwardly while you frown. Well, no offense but uh, I don't think I am attracted to you, I like you but I wouldn't say I want you, you know ? But you shouldn't be insecure, you're a really great person you know, and I mean, you're not ugly so...

-Sean, what the fuck ? You finally cut him when it hit you that he wasn't answering. You were on the floor just below yours, wanting to walk and not quite go home for the moment.

-I'm sorry, was that mean ? That was definitely mean. He clears his throat. Listen, what I meant was...

-No Sean I'm not insecure, everything's fine. I did not mean... Argh ! You're in this kind of environment, you should know !

-What environment ...?

You want to pull at his hair and shake his head back and forth to punish him for being so stupid. Or maybe you were just not being clear, it was surely that. You were incredibly stressed. Traveling between the different floors or the building to stretch your legs.

-Like, criminals, mafia, I don't know. It's... You sigh, your anger dissipating when you realized you were being a little harsh to him. Weird things keep happening to me and I think I'm going crazy for thinking I may have a price on my head.

-Oh, wanted wanted. No because I thought... He coughs. Never mind. I can definitely tell you that. But honestly, odds are low. No offense but you have nothing to give to anyone. You don't have a lot of money. So I don't think anyone wants you.

Damn.

-Why do you think that anyway ? he asks.

Very briefly, you explain to him why Tony had fired you, still using the stairs and floors as a distraction. Of course, you then told him about the paper you found in your mailbox and the weird encounter with your neighbor.

-I'm just really fucking lost, Sean. I'm sorry, you've been nothing but nice to me and I keep snapping at you, I-I don't know what's going on.

-You're freaked out, it's normal. I don't blame you. I'll help you, send me the wanted poster you got. Maybe it's fake."

Of course, you tell him. You'd do pretty much anything to get out of this situation. You want it to be fake, but there's just an accumulation of bad things that tend to make you believe it's true. Looking around you, you notice to be on the last floor of the building. Flattening the paper sheet back, trying to erase all the creases, you lay it on the dirty floor of the hallways. You tear your phone away from your ear for a simple moment to take the picture. You press send.

You wait impatiently for him to say something, anything. But his reaction is clearly not the one you were waiting for:

-Oh fuck.

-What ? you panic, feeling your heart rises in your throat. What do you mean 'oh fuck' ? Sean ?" But the nauseating ringing of the call being cut short echoes in your ear.

He hung up.

You bite your lip, shutting your eyes as hard as you can. Your fingers find your closed lid, pressing on it as if calming an upcoming headache. What the fuck is going on exactly ? Why did he hang up ? Did you say something ? Did he see something ? You can't keep doing that, nobody answered any of your questions since this morning. You are tired.

You give up. You'll go back home, sleep a little. Research a job in the newspaper and hope for things to get better. Sighing, you walk the stairs once again, only this time to really move on.

Has everyone given up on you ? It feels like it, no one seems akin to want to help you. You never did any wrong to anyone. You always hold the door open to people, you give the few you have to homeless people in the streets. You payed what an old woman lacked in money for her groceries. You work everyday of the damn week, with no holidays.

What have you done ?

Sure, you're starting to break down, you told Tony to kill himself, you yelled at Sean. What the hell ? Never would you have done that in your life. What's happening ? It's getting scary out there, yet, no one's here for you to confide in.

You never should have left your hometown, you punished yourself.

The first thing you do once inside your home is falling head first on the couch. Feeling tears filling up your eyes. You don't fight them, letting them slide freely along your cheeks. After all, it's the good part of having a place to yourself, you get to cry alone in the safety of it.

You'll have to give it up, though. Without necessary money, you'll eventually need to move. Probably find a roommate and live in a red light district.

You spent the next hours trying to read classified ads, key word being 'trying' as your watery eyes didn't allow you to see much. And you ended up watching TV, like you always do. You couldn't fathom the idea of being that alone. When did it all go wrong ? Are you a horrible person ?

The news-woman kept talking and talking without stopping, saying the same things as yesterday and probably tomorrow as well. Inflation, criminality, inflation, criminality. Where were you in all of this ? What about the population ? Where were the solutions ? Is this city really stuck in a loop of chaos ?

The screen now displays a cop in a police station, sharing his feeling and impression about the improvement of the city. You don't listen to him, more struck by what's behind him: a poster on a cork board. Yours. It's your face, with the price, 'treason' shit and everything. The exact same poster you had in your mailbox. The situation is that bad, huh ? Your wanted poster is right next to The Joker one. Is there a link ? Are they hoping to find him after finding you ? They're wrong, then.

You wait, impatiently trying to decipher whether the policeman will talk about you or not. But he does not, so you lay back down on the couch. How does wanted people live freely ? You've been researched for a few hours and you're already going crazy with the feeling everyone's watching you.

Do you even know a criminal in this town ? Well, the only one you do know is Sean. You briefly meet them at the bar, as part of your job. Befriending them is not for you though, so you have no useful information to give the Joker. Then what does he want ?

The doorbell rings through the flat, screaming at you to get up and do something with your life. A chill run through your body, breath stopping for a second out of fear to be heard. For a while, you don't move. Who could it be anyway ? Surely bad news. Now that you're wanted, it could be anyone. But the rings echoes again, forcing you to get up. Slowly and as quietly as possible, you slide to the door. Eye staring through the peephole, you're surprised to discover Sean standing anxiously outside.

How did he get your address ?

Opening the different locks on your door, you however keep the small chain closing it. It wasn't much of a protection to be honest, but you needed to lie to yourself a little bit.

"You hung up on me. Is the only thing you say when your eyes meet.

-I know, I'm really sorry. Are you okay ?

-How did you get my address ? It's weird.

He explains to you how your information are given on your work file. You stand inside, judging him from head to toe. He welcomed you at his place, you have to be polite or you'll really look like an opportunistic. But it's hard when you don't know his exact thoughts.

-Why did you hang up ?

-I talked to my uncle, he has a bar in the center of Gotham. Every criminal goes there, he knows everything.

-And ?

-You're safe, it's false. You're not wanted. He... He didn't see your poster. So it was a bad joke. Silence, you don't believe him. I promise. You're not in danger.

Then why is your face plastered in all Gotham ? Is he completely sure about that information ? You hate to act this way but, it's too late for him to tell you that anyway. False or not, the poster of your head is everywhere. People will try to find you. The veracity of it all doesn't matter anymore.

Though you can't shake that uneasy feeling inside you alerting you of his lie. You saw your face on TV, in a police station. It's not nothing !

-How are you so sure ?

-I told you, you have nothing that could interest such a dangerous man as the Joker.

He's right, on the other hand, something's definitely wrong.

-What do we do, now ?

-You could let me in ? I want to help you but we can't talk if I stay outside.

Halfheartedly, you let him in. He thanks you, admires a few seconds his surroundings before plopping down on the couch. You stay standing even after closing the door shut, crossing your arms on your chest and awaiting his arguments.

Should you tell him you saw your face in a police station ? No, you need to know what he's going to tell you. He's lying, you know it now. But why ?

You thought he could be a friend, turn out you can't trust him that much. Or are you losing it ? Policemen are quite dumb here, they are completely capable of believing everything they see and considering they're desperate to catch the Joker; they could have took your poster as a track.

-What's your plan ? you ask.

-It depends on what you want.

Well, you want a lot of different things. Money, happiness, freedom, family, equality, peace. Right now though, one will be enough.

-I need a job, I can't pay my rent this month otherwise.

-That one's easy. He crosses his arms on his chest, sinking into the sofa cushions. Try ask your bank, they'll lend you some.

-No they won't Sean, I'm indebted. Seriously, did he really think life was this easy ? Did he really think you haven't thought of doing just that ?

He sighs and shrug, crossing his legs, he put his feet on the table. Your eyes are enough to tell him to put them back on the ground. He's a little bit too comfortable for your liking.

-It's these immigrants my friend. We lack money because of them.

What ?

-No, it's just poor distribution of resources. With the ongoing inflation and such, it has literally nothing to do with immigration. You frown, confusion lacing your tone, answering him as if asking a question, because what ? That was so out of pocket ? It's stupid to think like that, it's too easy to accuse others. They're as fucked as we are, you know ? Don't say that.

That's what Gotham thinks ? That each one of their problem is caused by others ? Industries, Government, Politics, they're the one causing all of this. How does someone get to this conclusion ? You thought Sean was good, hell, his family was poor. They survived thanks to drugs and banditry. He's bold to think immigrants are the problem: His family literally embezzles money.

-Jeez, calm down.

Well, it's difficult to be calm towards this kind of stupidity. But at least it keeps you in check, you know who he's voting for. Never trust anyone. It's true you don't know him that well, after all.

-You want my help or not ?

It's harder to see him in the same light as before after this, but if he's the only one willing to help, you can't waste this chance.

-Yeah. You sigh, ashamed with yourself. I need people to forget about me.

-Good, meet me at the back of the bar at the end of our shift. He's not waiting for an answer as he gets up to leave.

-Wow. No ?

He stops in his tracks as you block his way.

-What do you mean, 'no' ?

Is he serious ? With everything you risk ? Criminals at the bar know you, hell, some of them see you every night. No, you are not joining him in the dark in a creepy alley late at night when people want you dead. Also, you need to think a little before jumping straight back to work, it's dangerous.

-Because I don't want to die ?" You need to tell him. "Okay, Sean, I may not understand everything but I know you're lying to me. Am I wanted or not ?

He already lost every ounce of respect you had for him. First with the lying, then with the whole immigrants things.

-You don't believe me ? Is he trying to make you feel guilty ?

-I saw my fucking head on the TV. I believe that's enough proof for me. You cut the conversation straight, not wanting him to keep lengthening things uselessly.

Sean doesn't answer, seemingly hesitating. What is he thinking ? He has to respond. He's constantly trying to avoid the subject and it's getting frustrating.

-That means I'm in danger, right ?

-Yes." he finally answers. Thank God, you think, God why, you also think. "But not because of the Joker. He's not responsible for what's happening to you. All the cards and riddles are from him, yes, but someone saw you two talking at the bar and thought they could get to him by killing you.

You entirely stopped trusting him after he mentioned the cards and the riddles. Because never, in all your discussions, have you mentioned receiving these. He knows too much.

You don't bring it up, of course.

-Explain.

Who could have told him about the riddles, if not you ? The one sending them ? Yes, but Sean's terrified of him. Plus, he couldn't talk to him, even if he had the courage to. It's the Joker, from what you understand, you don't approach him easily. He's not the small local criminal. He's something more.

-The Joker's well known. Everyone wants to defy him. And someone saw you.

-Who ? you ask, finally getting some well deserved qualitative answers.

-His name was, uh, Korej I believe.

-Ko...Rej... you repeat, unimpressed, frowning.

Is it you or does it sound vaguely similar to Joker, but with the letters all mixed up ?

-It's his pseudonym." He hastily answers. "But his real name is John, he lives in the richest part of Gotham. He's a mob leader. He fucking despises the Joker, that's why his name is Kojer.

-Korej, you corrected.

-Yeah, it's difficult to remember. It's quite the shitty name.

He really think you're dumb, right ? You clasp your hands together, catching his drifting attention.

-Okay, well, thank you for everything Sean. It was a pleasure, truly. But now I'm gonna ask you to leave.

-You don't believe me ?

No, no you don't. Everything he ever said to you since he first came here was either weird or false. And sometimes weirdly false.

-Please, leave my house.

You'll go to the nearest police station, ask for help. And if nobody helps you, you'll find a way out of here. This city is dead anyway, there's nothing for you anymore. It's too late.

-Don't you want to talk about it ? he asks hurriedly, displaying his open hands in the air as if ready to grab your shoulders.

-If you want us to talk, okay, you yield. But choose somewhere safe, with a lot of people. I am not joining you at the back of the bar at night where everyone could kill me.

You're going crazy. Why are you even accepting this ? It's not a dream, nor a joke, you really are wanted. People want to kill you. There is money on your head. Sean is deep in thoughts before getting the enlightenment he needed, suddenly vigorously saying:

-Shopping center.

-What ?

-Let's meet at the shopping center, in two hours. I have things to prepare, people to call. You have my number, I'll call you. Is it good for you ?

His behaviour is screaming danger, on the other hand, a rendez-vous in a crowded shopping center at 3PM is not as risky as the bar. And if things turn bad, you still have a chance to run away, hidden in the mass. You hope the things he'll prepare will help you, and not worsen everything.

"Okay. You yield, once again.

-Thank you so much, he exclaimed." Why is he thanking you ? "You're a real sweetheart. It will be worth it."

And with these last words, he left.

You won't go. Of course you won't go damn, you don't want to die. He's so suspicious ! Why so much relief ? He's the one supposed to help you, you're not doing anything for him. You absolutely changed your mind. Yesterday, he was that nice man who saved your life, welcoming you home warmly. Today, he's, well, you don't know who he is anymore. You want to understand, discover what's wrong, but at the same time, it's not yours to do.

Fuck, you need to empty your mind. It's tiring, to be suspicious of everyone, to always have to thoroughly think about everything you do. You plop down on your couch, grabbing the remote and turning the TV on. There's a cartoon going on. Tom and Jerry, a cat chasing, or at least trying to, a mouse. But the mouse's well smarter than the cat. 

Each time he thinks he'll catch it, the mouse finds a way to turn the situation to his advantage. Because in fact, the cat will never win. He has the illusion of strength because of his height, when the mouse is vicious, malign. 

Also, if the cat caught the mouse, well, the show wouldn't have any interest anymore. 

On the screen, the mouse finds a way to slam the door in the cat face, who's dizzy. To illustrate it, stars and birds are rotating around his head.

You don't know why the mouse does all this, maybe to survive. The small animal found the comfort of a warm house with good cheese and doesn't want to leave. The cat, however, is forced to chase it all day. As his owners force him to. It's his role, as the house guard, to chase rodents. Otherwise, he'll be replaced. 

You have to be really damn fucked for you to start analyzing a stupid cartoon. 

Jeez, it's a cat chasing a mouse, it's silly, it's fun to watch. You don't think, just turn off your brain and have fun. Why can't you do just that ?

Sighing, you change channel, trying to find something worth watching. You end up watching the news, it keeping you grounded. It helps you think you're not the worst case, that there's always worse somewhere. It's deeply selfish, but hey, you can't do much about it. Your life is pretty much ruined at the moment. 

What's today's problem? Well this time, the subject is centered around climate change and its catastrophes.

"Global warming. Today, in Spain, alarming news. The national temperature has increased considerably by 46°F (5°C) since last year. The Spanish are revolted, the world is encountering a record in warmth. Their main claim, she reads her notes, "It's summer's weather when we're in autumn." She briefly gulps her saliva. "Indeed, the local heat reached 86°F (30°C) while 73°F (23°C) at night. IPCC's report is alarming, something has to change. Is the world government going to act ?" She quits her serious tone and changes the subject. "Local news; what's happening in Gotham today ?"

Ah, here you go. You turn up the volume. 

"Earlier in the main avenue today, several store signs were vandalized by a group of masked men, it is thought to be perpetrated by an illegal organization. It's a real raid that happened, terrorizing the passers-by and owners. The identity of the delinquent stays unfounded. We know that the police department is currently working on..."

You mute the TV. Vandalizing stores, now ? They didn't even steal anything, who does that ? On the screen, a replay of surveillance cameras showing masked men running, pushing people and only stopping to draw weird shapes on a few of the stores. It's bad, but not quite as bad as your case. Putting the sound back, you're perfectly timed with the conclusion of the event. 

"Where is Batman ? Has the vigilante abandoned our city ? We hope for his prompt return in time for him to apprehend the Joker." 

Batman, right. You forgot that man was even existing. While some wonder who is hiding behind the mask, you're left questioning yourself on which side is he. If he's with the cops, is he a good or bad man ? Police is part of the problem, certainly. But Batman sometimes helps people, although you never encountered him yourself. But is he really with the police ? 

Who is he working with ? And why is he what he is ?

"Whatever... You rub your eyes."

Why do you even keep thinking about that, it's not your problem anymore. You're leaving. Gotham has nothing left for you. Batman can do whatever he wants, for all you care. He doesn't know about your insignificant existence, why waste it thinking of him ? 

But are you really leaving this place, though ? 

Are you really about to leave your life and flee like a coward ? Yes, is the obvious answer. You could think about it, is the less obvious answer. 

Yes, your life is at stake. On the other hand, Sean could really be useful as you're still in danger as long as you stay in Gotham, he's a considerable ally in this story. And not only Sean but his family as well could help you. 

You know about his aunt. That woman is quite well known. A powerful gang chief. You could pay her to get escorted outside of Gotham. You're already indebted anyway, you have nothing to lose anymore. Moreover, nothing guarantees your safety once outside of Gotham. If the Joker is as feared as shown in the media, changing city won't be enough. Which is why you need to clear the problem directly from the root. 

Okay, you won't lose anything in going, right ? Maybe your life, but it's worth a try. You'll join Sean. Yes, you'll join him. 

When the time arrived, you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling taunting you all while preparing yourself. What if someone chases after you ? What if you get kidnapped ? You won't, of course you won't. Sean will be there when you arrive. He's dissuading enough. He's a big man. 

You found yourself before the gigantic mall before even being able to process it. It was crowded, people entering and getting out every second. For a moment, your eyes search for Sean in the rabble only to find no one. He's probably inside, it's safer. 

Tightly holding the hood stuck on your head, you stare intensely at whoever crosses your path, trying to gain enough courage to finally enter the building. 

It's scary to be wanted, the displeasing impression everyone's looking at you is suffocating. You could get killed, right now. Abducted, even. 

When the automated doors open, you're greeted by the cold air conditioning. It's autumn, why the hell would someone want to freeze to death ? 

Checking your phone, there's still no sign of Sean. He couldn't possibly stand you up, right ? He's the one who insisted for you to come. It wouldn't be logical. He's just late.

You can't really afford to be waiting in your situation, every second matters. You don't know what will happen. And, yeah, you're kind of starting to freak out. You don’t know where your wanted poster ended up. Maybe you’re already dead, and, shit, you're alone in such a vulnerable position. Fuck, why did you come ?

You’re trying to stay rational, thinking of every possibility as to why he’s not here. You nod your head to yourself, trying to ease your nerves. He'll come. You just need a little patience. He said he needed to prepare things beforehand, that's why he's late. He's late because he'll help you. 

You miss the mall, it's been long since you last came here, too preoccupied with your two jobs. You used to like watching people but quickly stopped. First, you once or twice made an awkwardly long eye contact with a man who then wanted to beat you up for provoking him, "like a pussy". Then, the second reason is that people are just... Mean. You'd look at a pretty woman only for her to spit on the ground. In the street is already disgusting enough, but the mall ! You'll look at a man hugging a woman, just to realize that they both don't know each other and that he's drunk out of his mind. 

Maybe you do need to get out of here, actually. 

Your phone still hasn't buzzed, you need to do something with your body or you’ll go crazy. It’s obvious staring daggers at your device every second won’t help. He's not here yet, you need to accept it and wait. You'll walk a little to not get noticed, your tensed and motionless body language is screaming suspicious and people are starting to side eye you. 

It’s only natural of your legs to start bringing you to the places you used to go to, only to realize that one of your favorite stores closed permanently. Of course, with the crisis. It’s not surprising. 

"Fucking morons..." Mutters a man to your left. Upon looking in his direction, you meet the owner of the voice standing on a stepladder, trying to energetically scrub with a sponge his store's sign. Key word being 'trying' as it's not successful. 

Right, earlier's vandals. 

He's cursing to himself, scrubbing progressively more aggressively the almost intact big black 'O' tagged on the sign mocking him. 

"Can I know who did that? asked your curiosity. 

-Fucking assholes, he answers without even looking your way, that's who did that. 

-What do they looked like ?

-No idea, he grumbles. They all had that stupid mask on. All white with some blue and red. No idea what that was supposed to be. Ask the other owners if you're so interested, but you're late. Journalists already left. 

Oh, right. He thinks you’re a journalist. 

-Thank you, have a nice day sir.

-Yeah yeah…”

You heard several stores were vandalized, where are the others ? Letting your legs wander, you get your answer a few meters/feet away. A sign is hanging by an electric thread. 

It’s a shoe store, but its signboard was now displaying a big black 'O'. You lift a brow, confused about its meaning. Usually, tag either insults or convey a message. Anyhow, there's a sense. Now though, you can't quite pinpoint it. O, what starts with an O. Optimism, oppression, obedient omelette ? It can be anything. Maybe it's not a letter, but a signature? 

Two stores away (you see it out of the corner of your eye) another of these is vandalized, this time, a bold 'B' was written. What word could this correspond to? B for Batman ? It's not a word, mostly a name. Baby, maybe. Bomb, bag, anything. Hell, it could even be badminton for all you know. 

Next letter is directly after the previous one, a 'S' hiding the dress logo the sign was exhibiting prior. The paint is dripping a little and one or two drops can be seen on the ground. 

"Those damn scum." a man grumbles, who you think might be the owner of the poor store. He crosses his arms on his chest, looking up disapprovingly. 

You ignore him, now thrilled by all of this. You want to discover all the tags. It's not like you have much better to do anyway. Sean still hasn't answered you. You know what to do to wait: find words for each letter. S makes you think of sabotage, skull and soup. 

You see the next letter from afar, this time, an "E" welcomes you. Though, this one was partially erased. You guess the owner found the right product. It's now possible to read the sign and enjoy the sweet sight of what seems to be a sex shop sign. Is it even legal ? There's kids coming into this mall. Anyway, a lot of words start with E; Electric, Ebola, education, eagle. 

You don't find the next letter right away, needing to walk a little to find it. But when you do, you're weirdly excited. It's just a bunch of words on some signboards, yet, it's fun. Like an orienteering race. But mostly because you don't get to have much fun today, and this being out of your quotidian, it's easy to be ecstatic.  

Further away, it's not one but two letters that greets you; two "S", entwined like snakes. Shit, is it a nazi kind of tag ? It looks like the police's symbol there was back then. If that’s the case, you don’t find this as exciting as before. Not a good thing to write. There's already so much chaos here, you pray nazis are not going to be added to it. You think of the word 'Swiss' for this letter.

Next letter is an 'I'. Investigation, investment, ice. A woman bypasses you, hitting your shoulder with her. You squeal out of surprise, the woman doesn't even notice you. What a shitty town. You check your phone again, making sure Sean didn't try to contact you. No reply. 

Walking ahead, the next vandalized store needs you to turn to the left to be seen, it's an 'O', again. But you don’t have the time to think of words that you already see the next letter. It’s a ‘N’. Night, Nemo (as in the movie) and nuisance. You already found words starting with ‘O’ anyway. It seems to be the last one as you walk and turn but no others appear. Disappointment lingers, sad it ended so soon. 

What is it, does it form a word at the end ? Like street art ? Maybe, a shame you already forgot all the previous letters. It was fun, though. You'd do it again, it's entertaining. Like a track game where you follow a path. Vibrations are bringing you back to reality, rushing to take it, you rotate to leave the place in order to find somewhere calmer. In your haste, you bump straight into someone. You freeze for a second, phone in hand.

They’re wearing a mask, a clown mask on their black hair. And a really ugly one. It’s shiny, like plastic and it surely is. Their eyes are the only thing you see through the holes. Whoever that is is staring right into your damn soul. Their eyes are empty, so empty you might think they’re on some kind of drug. The big red nose in the middle of their face is mocking you, laughing at you to be scared of something so ridiculous. Two small tufts of green hair are standing on each side of his head, the false bloody teeth drawn on the mask is the final touch that tells you to leave.

“Sorry.” you mumble, avoiding eye contact.

Your hands are holding your phone so tightly that fear strikes you that you could actually break the screen. The clown does not move when you walk past him, and you realize right then and there that they were well too close to you for it to be normal. You hate clowns, you hate them so much. All of this because of that stupid Joker. That person probably wasn’t even related to him, maybe he was one of the vandals. You don’t know, you don’t want to.

When you pick up Sean’s call, he apologizes for being late and plans an area for you to meet. You’re before the sex shope tagged by the “E” by the time Sean joins you. You’re not as convinced as before to destroy the problem from its root after the clown encounter. You’re not a hero, not a criminal. You’re nothing, you don’t have anything to prove to anybody. You should leave.

“You okay ? You look like you saw a ghost ? He laughs, but he’s not your friend so you don’t.

-So ? Got out much more coldly than you intended it to be.

-Jeez, you’re impatient. I’ll help you, I told you I would, right ?

You did, doesn’t mean you really will. You cross your arms on your chest, approaching him for him to hear you more clearly.

-Do you have any information ? Ways to get me out of here ? To resolve this ? Anything ?

He sighs, stepping back as if you’re the plague and looking elsewhere in the crowd. He seems conflicted, forehead creased by his worry.

-I can’t tell you now, walls have ears.

-Then why the fuck would you tell me to join you here ? If you’re so scared to be spied on, we could have continued this discussion at my place.

Your tension is building up. It’s fucking frustrating to talk with him. He starts teasing you with interesting information, then, he retreats and acts as if nothing happened and you’re just impatient. He told you to come here, he told you he’d help you.

-At least answer my questions, you plead, I don’t even know who… Who is the Joker ? Who is he exactly ? He physically tensed, his shoulders literally hunched forwards. What the hell ?

-Well, uh, it's complicated.

Damn, even that couldn’t be answered. Why are you still here ?

-What do you mean it's complicated ? Is he a terrorist ? A thief ? A gang leader ? A serial killer ? It's a simple question.

-He's a little bit of everything, truly.

Why does he always seem so nervous talking about him ?

-Sean for the love of God, he’s not here ! people are starting to look in your direction, but you couldn’t care less. You can calm down, he won’t kill you ! You gotta breathe a little, man. Aren’t you the one who literally told me he wasn’t after me ? It’s not the first time you’re lying to me and I’m starting to lose it. Why am I here ? Tell me, why are we fucking here if you’re not gonna help me ! Who is this man and what does he want ? Why does he want to kill me ! It’s…” a gunshot whistles in the air, cutting you in your sentence straight away, screams erupting from all sides.

Your body acts before you can think, throwing yourself on the ground. It’s hard to understand what’s going on, but in a way, you don’t try to. You get up quickly and lose yourself in the running and yelling crowd. Your paranoia is not helping, was this gunshot aimed at you ? Sean is somewhere in the mall, but it’s too late. You gave him a chance, he wasted it.

Another gunshot echoes, followed closely by the sound of a glass breaking. Your senses are overwhelmed; names, insults, orders are being yelled. Is the Joker here ? You need to get out of here, now. Bodies are pushed against yours, your clothes are being tugged on. But when you were about to reach the exit, someone harshly grabs you out of the crowd, pulling you aside. It’s panic in your head, survival instinct kicking in. You yank your arm out of the person’s hold but freeze upon seeing Sean threaten you with a gun.

“Sean, you start with a shaky voice, what the fuck ? his eyes are cold, you don’t recognize him. He looks at you as if you're nothing, as if you're no one.

-He’s here, he states, looking paranoidly to the sides. He’s… He’s going to kill me if I don’t bring you to him.

-Bring me to who, Sean ? But you fear you might already know.

-The Joker.

Of course he’d betray you. Who are you kidding ? You knew, you knew he would trap you. Your eyes can’t leave the sight of the gun barrel, following each of its movements. He’s shaking, you realize. Is he scared, hesitating ? Or motivated by a hatred so pure he can’t even control his own feelings ?

-Sean, you try nonetheless, he’ll kill you either way okay ? He’s a sadist, we can… you gulp, throat suddenly burning dry. We can leave together, we’ll leave the city and…

-You don’t understand, do you ? He’ll track you, he’ll track us down. And then, he’ll slaughter us like pigs. You hear me ? He’ll slaught…

-I get it ! I get it ! you scream, shutting your eyes in order to erase those images from your head.

How can you even change his mind ? You doubt he’d fold with some speech about your friendship. It’s not like you two were that close to be honest. Sure, you liked him but that changed since the beginning of the Joker catastrophe.

-He promised me money, he explained himself. As if you’d forgive him after hearing his justification. A lot of money. You can’t understand what it’s like to… when you see him lower his weapon, you interrupt him, drived by your anger.

-How can you be so stupid ? He was, he truly was an idiot for believing the Joker. You haven’t known that beast for long, but each time someone defined him, it was always along the lines of wicked, treacherous, vicious and ruthless. So yeah, he was stupid. Was your life worth something as insignificant as money ? Has he ever liked you ?

-Shut up ! I’m done living like a fucking tramp !

Tramp is a big word coming from him, daddy pays him everything ! You’re tired of his tantrums, he is a grown man, ten or fifteen years older than you and he’s acting like a child. Suffering is your quotidian as well, but you would’ve never betrayed him. In fact, that is your problem. You’re not a scumbag like him, that’s why you can’t stand him. You have no value similar to his, if he even has some. By what right does he think he can use you to get, what, a few dirty money ?

If you're going to die, at least you'll die telling him every resentment you had towards him.

-You think I am happy ?! Your life’s better than mine ! Fuck you Sean, you’re an asshole ! You’re a fucking asshole ! You’re the one that should die !

-Shut the fuck up you whore !

A burning pain sliced through you along a sharp sound, legs losing all strength and making you fall on the ground. Your ears are ringing and your breath is cut for a few long seconds. What happened ? Is the first question popping in your head, but the atrocious pain coursing through your leg answers you. Your hand touches your hurting limb, but retreats it instantly at the pain. So you look down.

Blood, there’s blood everywhere.

It’s yours. It’s… It’s your damn blood, you’re bleeding. You have a hole in your leg and it’s gushing out blood. He shot you. Fuck, oh God, oh God, you’re bleeding. You’re fucking bleeding and it hurt like hell. It hurt so damn bad, why, why did he do that ? Your eyes are stinging and soon, tears fall down your cheeks. Are you going to die ? Here ? With nothing accomplished ? Alone ? Shot by the only man you thought was your friend ?

-I believe alive was written on the contract.

You recognize that voice, you hear it in your nightmares.

-Joker ! I… She tried to run away, I had to immobilize her !

It’s weird, your body is exhausted, yet, the pain is keeping you well awake. Your head is heavy when you lay it on the dirty ground of the mall. Eyes trailing slowly to the two men talking. Finally, he’s here before you. He’s shown himself. Even if it’s only the second time you see him, you talked and heard about him so much these past hours it feels like you’ve been with him for months. And maybe you were, in a way. Sean walks past you, not glancing towards your drained body on the ground. He’s scared of him. He plays the big man with you, but he’s a little bitch.

How is Sean, a man built like a fridge, so terrified of someone so ridiculous as the Joker ?

Who is he ?

The pain in your leg makes it feel numb and at the same as alive as it never been. The Joker sighs exaggeratedly, he tilts his head to the side to look at you. Shivers shake your whole body. Is that it ? This is the man who’ll abduct you ? You’d rather get killed instantly.

-And right on Valentine’s day...” mumbles the Joker.

It’s not, it’s autumn. Valentine’s day is in February, in winter. From your position, police sirens are heard and red and blue lights are flashing, reflecting on the windows. The Joker takes out a gun out of his long purple jacket and aims it towards Sean.

“Please ! He yells. I-I did what you wanted ! She’s here, please don’t kill me ! I’m a hitman, I’ll work for you !

Is he, now ? He's barely a barman.

-Do I look like I'm searching for employees ? He asks, opening his arms and bending his hands for his palms to face the ceiling before looking around him for confirmation. Because I’m not.”

You're torn between relief and horror at the sight of Sean falling to the ground after another gunshot, bathing in his own blood. He did betray you, he brought you here, he brought this upon you, upon himself. But he’s dead. You wished him to, but now that he is you’re horrified.

It’s then that you realize that The Joker is surrounded by his masked goons. Probably the one who vandalized the store, now that you think about it. You walked right into his trap.

“Well ? What are you waiting for ? he asks almost comically. Bring the package to the car !

When several men surrounds you, you're left yelling and fighting to get out of their holds, in vain, of course. The blood gushing out of your hurting limb isn't helping much, anyway. You feel your strength slowly evaporate from you.

Shotguns echoes, but your ringing ears prevent you to precisely locate it. Soon, they throw you in the back of a car and close the door, leaving you in the dark.

Gotham killed you.  

[cheesit-notes]

Widowed Ghost

Ghost goes through the stages of grief... but only 4.

tags: hurt/virtually no comfort, throwing up, implied ghost didnt eat, or sleep, or take care of himself, 5 stages of grief, reader died, (first time) angst teehee

a/n: writing this made me feel better teehee. anywho, i love reader deaths (love u readers ♡)

widowed Ghost who cannot bring himself to cry when he hears the news. allowed to see you, or at least the hollow husk of you, he’ll glance at the mangled burned body that was once yours with a thousand thoughts yet no words to say. he’ll turn away, unable to face the reality.

for the week leading to your funeral, Ghost cannot, and perhaps purposely does not, process your death. he goes on with life as he usually would. but there are a few moments where he'll call out your name, intending to show you something, talk to you, or just because he wanted your attention. and those moments kill him inside. the silence, the lack of a response, the lack of you, kills him. for a few seconds to minutes at a time, he faces the reality that you're gone. for better or worse, his mind quickly convinces him you're simply busy. and he'll foolheartedly believe it. 

Ghost is silent the day of your funeral. he's forced to face the reality that you are gone; not just for a few seconds or moments at a time, but indefinitely. pitiful glances from empathetic faces and softly muttered 'I'm sorry's feel suffocating. he can't- doesn't want to believe it. you, in that god awful box? it can't be true. as cruel as it would be, he wishes this was all some sick joke.

blurred memories of being driven home, walking inside his house, and mindlessly walking into your once shared bedroom. and as he sits on the edge of the bed, it hits him. the cold, harsh reality hits him like a truck. you were gone. and there was nothing he could do about it. he hated this feeling. he hated feeling like a helpless little boy at the mercy of his heartless father; unable to do anything.

tears threaten to fall, his eyes burning to hold them back as he chokes on air. he hasn't cried in so long. always feeling like his problems didn't matter enough to cry. the feeling, it's nauseating. he feels like he's going to throw up.

he stumbles over to the bathroom sink because he knows you aren’t fond of cleaning up vomit after he got too drunk once. he never got that drunk again. he throws up the bits of food he forced himself to eat earlier because you were always worried about the lack of food he used eat. he didn’t want to worry you. and he looks at himself, and thinks he looks pathetic. pale, unkept, dirty, and he believes he's so undeserving of you; this is why you left him. that you left this world behind, left him behind, because he wasn’t enough to keep you here.

he’s mad at you for leaving him, and he’s mad at himself for being so.. him. and god, he thinks if anything was different about him, maybe you’d stay. doesn’t matter to him if you had no say in your own death, all that mattered was that you weren’t here now. reason had no place in a man blinded by pure fury. all he could think about was how unfair it was that you left him, and how he wasn’t enough to have you stay. maybe, he thought, if he was better, if he was anything else than the pathetic excuse of a man, maybe then you’d care a little more and be alive.

the blinded rage continues for hours. it began with thoughts of hatred he had towards you, himself, everything, but slowly began getting physical. he was never taught to use his words to express his feelings so they came out in actions. holding back tears he didn’t know he had, he took his rage out on anything that couldn’t fight back. a table flipped over and broken, chairs laid on their sides, everything pushed and shoved over leaving him standing in the empty space he created.

there’s no dreadful feeling like what he felt standing in the middle of the mess he made. he felt like his father; taking his anger out on things that couldn’t fight back. the arguable difference was the things Ghost took his anger out on wasn’t alive, but what difference did that truly make? perhaps if he had a kid, he would be his father’s replica. and he feared such a thought. with a heavy heart, he slowly put everything back where it once was, because you wouldn’t like the place being a pigsty.

he hates himself for this but for moments at a time, he’s convinced that it’s better you’re gone. he’ll never have to hear you nagging him to eat more, clean up after himself, go take a shower, take a break; never again. he’ll never be woken up by your laughs because you stayed awake, watching videos, for him to sleep. he’ll never be interrupted in anything again.

but who was he kidding? he misses it badly.

he misses hearing you tell him to eat more, threatening to force feed him if you caught him eating less. he misses you shoving him into the bathroom and yelling at him to shower because he stunk and you couldn’t stand the fact he just didn’t take care of his hygiene. he misses you forcibly taking him away from his work; the cruddy attempts of kidnapping him away from base and the way he’d begrudgingly play along. he misses you reassuring him that he could sleep, that you’d keep watch. he misses being woken up by your barely audible laughs, and how you frantically apologized for waking him. he misses resting his head on yours while the two of you stayed awake watching anything. he misses having someone who cared enough about him to do all that and more. 

he misses you.

[dr4k3n0]

Taking Care of Him After a Hangover (Scenario and tiny oneshot)

A/n: This was a little bit based off of the previous one. But you don't need to read it to understand. XD

Synopsis: The title literally explains it-

Tw: None?

- Vash is the type to be really whiny and seek attention when he has a hangover. But he would only do it to you. If it was anyone else he would suck it up and move on. 

- He loves to have a blanket wrapped around his figure wherever he goes. 

- Definitely demands cuddles. 

- He likes it when you rub his head or play with his hair. He finds it soothing and helps with his headache. 

- He hates throwing up, so when he does he makes you go get him a donut to wash the taste out of his mouth.

- Also demands donuts.

- He stumbles around a lot. You had to move all of the breakable items up high. 

- Can not be trusted with a gun in this state.

- I don't know why, but I can see him being just a teeny tiny bit more irritatable than normal. 

- If you're traveling the next day while he has a hangover, he's definitely very quiet and moody around the others. 

- He cries a MINIMUM of 3 times that day.

- He feels bad for you having to take care of him. So you have to constantly reassure him you want to help him.

- Sleeps most of the day if he can.

- I don't know if medicine was around at the time in the Manga/Anime. So I would say if there was medicine, it wouldn't work for him.

- Very clingy. He has to be touching you in some sort of way. If you get up to go to the bathroom, he makes grabby hands at you as he pouts.

.

.

Tiny oneshot.

Vash had woken up with his head pounding and heavy eyes. He looked around the room for you, before noticing a small slip of paper on his bedside table underneath a glass of water. Looking at the note as it said:

Blondie,

Went out to get some donuts I'll be back.

Love, Y/n

He yawned before feeling a burning liquid shoot up his throat. Running to the bathroom, he hunched over the toilet shaking as the contents left his body. He soon heard the door open, and your voice sounded through the room.

"Blondie I'm back," You said as you set your things down.

Not getting a reply, you went to his room looking for him and noticed the bathroom light was on. Knocking, you stood behind the door.

"Vash you in there? Are you okay?" You said worriedly.

"Hey love, I'm just fi-" His sentence was interrupted, as he began to vomit again.

You opened the door and kneeled beside him rubbing his back. 

Eventually feeling a bit better, you helped Vash to his feet before settling him down on his bed. Wrapping him in a blanket you hugged him before kissing the top of his head.

"I got donuts if that makes you feel better," You said showing him the box of donuts.

He pouted as he grabbed one of the donuts from the box and munched on it. You smiled at him before standing up and walking to the door.

"Where are you going?" Vash said prolonging the ending of the 'g'.

"I'm going to my room to grab something I'll be back." You said turning to him.

"Noooo," He whined.

"Come back," He whined again making grabby hands at you.

"I'll be right back!" you exclaimed before walking out of the room and shutting the door.

"Y/n," He pouted while prolonging the ending of your name. 

Walking to your room you quickly opened the door. Grabbing the item you forgot, you walked out of your room before shutting the door and walking back to Vash's. Opening his door again, you saw Vash laying on the bed with a donut in his mouth as tears ran down his face.

"Vash! I was only gone for a few minutes!" You said approaching him and cupping his face.

"I missed you," he mumbled with the donut still in his mouth.

"Vash, baby, it's okay. I won't leave again," You said wiping his tears with your thumb.

He nuzzled into your hand affectionately, before puffing his cheeks and his eyes widened.

"Oh, God." You said before getting up and rushing him to the bathroom.

[insideliascrazyhead]

Housen Headcanons

Odajima:

-when fishing with Todoroki he names each fish a totally weird name and speaks with the fish occasionally

-hates ro run with all his heart

-when he doesn´t get eight hours of beauty sleep he´s grumpy

-swings both ways.violently.with a pipe.come get some!also bisexual obviously

-in love with Todoroki since the fight against Oya

-listens to girly pop music

-loves tea

-loves knitting

-artsy,likes to doodle

-petty as fuck and holds a grudge for years,then it´s on sight

-constantly cold,loves to shove his freezing cold hands at his friends neck or something similarily unexpected

-sleeps in a shit ton of pillows and blankets

-literally always says whatever comes into his head.What will Odajima say next?Great question.He doesn´t know it either,we gonna find out together

Shidaken:

-collects offensive t-shirts he normally sleeps in here some examples: „Am I cancelled yet?“,“Fuck you you fucking fuck“,i sell crystal for the authoreties“,

„Orgasm donor“;Im not gay but 20 dollars are 20 dollars“or „im not a dick,just kidding,go fuck yourself“

-uses playboy parfum on a regular base

-momma´s boy she nicknamed him Kenny

-kickboxer

-not the brightest crayon in the box

-has a tattoo don´t tell his mom tho,not gonna lie probably a lame one

-anger issues

-total BL junkie his favorite´s KinnPorsche

-romantic/sexual interest only when the other person is totally crazy (*cough*Yasushi*cough*)

-bisexual

-hair routine longer then the whole High and Low franchise

-lovingly insults people,would totally call his friends lovingly a whore

-lives on his own which is canon but i guess but its a total bachlor pad broke edition

-adrenalin junkie

Sachio:

-can totally break dance

-hella protective,nearing the posessive area with that one

-coffee?black but also loves hot choclate lover so sweet you get diabetes.marshmallows and everything

-dramatic as fuck but won´t show it

-great at gambling

-emotional

-loves to draw mangas

-when his sister was younger he played dolls and dress up with her

-phenominal cook

-loves k-pop

-knows sign language

-when Yui and Sawamura first where alone in her room,Sachio took the door out of it´s hinges and put the door in his own room

-teached his sister how to throw a punch

-insomiac.Sleep?what´s that?can you eat that?

-volunteers in his free time

-total mom friend

Jinkawa:

-fluent in sarcasm

-never complains carriying Odajima cause he thinks it´s adorable

-protective over Sabakan

-insisted Sabakan learns to fight after their attack landed them in the hospital -laughs during horror movies and when he´s very uncomfortable in general

-darkest humor out of all of them

-fast food junkie

-cries during movies but that´s a secret he just sweats out of his eyes

-has fishes named after the aquarium of nemo

Sawamura:

-so romantic others are at risk of vomiting

-loves mangas

-likes flowers

-shy as fuck

-great at learning new languages

-protective

-always miserably fails at cooking to the point where sudden fires break out and he always has a fire extinguisher in the kitchen when he cooks

-loves to tease his friends

-skincare beauty routines with Yui

-lowkey scared of Sachio since dating his sister

Sabakan:

-Rock Lee enthusiast.Let´s not gonna lie here,it´s the hair.

-tea spilling sessions with Jamou on a regular base

-definition of noodle arms,would need help open a pickle jar

-also has no patience so he would just smash the pickle jar

-crime enthusiast

-loves to read

-gamer

-sassy as fuck can roast the shit out of anyone

-can read everyone like they´re a book written for very dumb children

[lucawrites11]

TELL ME YOUR EMY HEADCANONS (came from the last chapter, I’m so excited)

i am going to go for some auntie tooney and emy headcanons:

emy calls her ti ti tooney because it sounds better

they have a cute little handshake that ella taught her when she was two. the older emilia gets, the more complex it gets. by the time that emy is an adult, it takes a minute

when arsenal plays man u, emy refuses to do the handshake until after the game and only does it if arsenal win

when ella wants to annoy leah and alessia, she buys emy the loudest toys she can find. she bought one hundred kazoos on amazon and randomly gives one to emy. leah throws every single one in the bin and then another appears

ella once tried to dress baby emy in a man u top when she was babysitting. emy was about nine months old at the time. emy immediately projectile vomited on it and she never told anyone about it. babies vomiting was normal and she wasn't going to give leah the satisfaction of knowing

she never gets emy in a man u shirt. it's her greatest shame until emy shows up at her retirement game for man u with her shirt on and her name on the back. emy never wants to talk about it. ella cried (so did all the russos, the photo of her in a man u shirt is framed on her grandad's wall and emy hates it)

ella only ever puts on an arsenal shirt when emy makes her debut. she never wants to talk about it either

all her life, no matter what's happening, ella makes sure she talks to evie at least one a week all her life

(let me know if there is any other player you want to see headcanons with)

[tsukacchako]

Watching Him Fade Away

The door slammed shut as Theo entered his room, growling and throwing himself onto the bed.

Signs cluttered the floor, almost tripping him multiple times.

“Fucking traitor. Fucking asshole. Fucking human.”

A black darkness filled Theo’s body, threatening to spill out in the form of tears or vomit. He felt so sick to his stomach, the shreds of the ripped Wanted poster still in his hands.

“How could he…. How could he…”

“It’s not surprising.”

Theo looked up and saw Pale standing at the doorway, adjusting his glasses. 

“Hah? What are you talking about?!” Theo got up and grabbed the angrily crying sign from the floor, shoving it in front of his face as if Pale couldn’t tell from the tension in the room that he was upset.

Pale sighed and shut the door, walking more into the room. “Haven’t you been listening to him recently? He’s been talking nonstop about leaving, saving his sister, exploring the world …” “I thought that was like … I don’t know … just a dream … ugh!!” He leaned down and grabbed the sad sign, hot tears flowing down his cheeks. He sits back down onto the bed. 

“... Am I an idiot?”

Pale sighed again and sat down next to the crying child, looking at the empty side of the room next to his. His side. “A bit.”

The tears continued to stream down his face and into his uncontrollable grin. The room was silent, except for Theo’s shaky breathing as he quietly cried. 

“... I thought he was different …” Pale looked at Theo, seeing a bit of his face behind the sign. “Different?”

Theo sighs, wiping the falling tears with the back of his free hand. “... I hate humans. They’re disgusting, stupid, inferior. They all deserve to die. Each and every one.” He gestures his head at Pale. “‘Cept you of course. You’re different. And I thought he was too. I thought he was … special …. Beautiful …” 

The black vile rises farther up inside of him, seeping into his brain.

“But he’s not. He’s just like them.”

He stands up, looking at the picture of the three of them sitting on his dresser. They were all smiling, even him, staring off into the bright stars. It was a good day, a happy day.

Before, the picture filled Theo with butterflies. But now, looking at it after everything, it creates more of that icky darkness inside of him. 

He looks down at his free hand, squeezing the ripped pieces of paper in his fist. He sighs and opens it, the paper dropping onto the floor.

“He didn't even leave a note.”

He sits back down on the bed and drops the sign to the ground, showing his teary face to Pale.

“He didn't even leave a note …” Despite the grin on his face, the look he gave Pale was filled with despair. “... Did we …. Did I … not ... mean anything to him?”

Pale sighed and looked away. “I don’t know.”

“... Did he think of us? As he left?” “I don’t know.”

“Does he miss us?”

“I don’t know.”

Theo sighs and stands back up. “I’m going on a walk,” he mumbles, grabbing his Travel Signs and exiting the room.

Pale watches him leave, but the tension stays in the room. The questions Theo asked swirled through his mind.

“I hope it’s worth it, Vic.”

Pale by @sotogalmo || Vic by @astoryofsuchwoe

[dekus-naughty-dikon]

‘I killed for you’

Izuku Midoriya x Female Reader

Pt. 2 of ‘You’ll kill for me’

TW: mentions of murder, blood, sex, gore, pregnancy, sex, acts of murder, violence, vomiting, and anything else I forget.

Fluff because last one was kinda angst.

💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚

News Reporter: It’s been two months since the murder of *********, still no one knows who’s behind it. The police are still investigating but no signs of any break. We will be back with-

*You turn the TV off smiling* Izuku is on patrol tonight so you have time to do what you want- no need to do.

Earlier this week, you found out a woman keeps following him around when he patrols the other side of the city, sending him flowers at his agency, love notes, and more disgusting things that make you cringe. It took you one day to find out who she is- and now you are on your way to pay her a ‘visit.’ No one flirts with your husband without you doing something about it.

When you are finished getting ready, you walk out and make your way to her house. She lives alone and yet bought a big house recently, with makes you think she was planning on marrying Izuku. It’s 2 am, and everyone is asleep or in their homes. If not patrolling and working, you have nothing to worry about as you go a route so no one can see you. As you keep walking down the street only a block from her house, you start to feel nauseous- maybe it was the leftovers you ate for lunch.

You couldn’t stop yourself when you felt vomit come up, throwing up beside a bush. “Yeah, it was the leftovers.” you think. After you recover, within a few seconds, you continue walking towards her house until you are right in front of her back door. The front door would be too easy to be seen.

Picking the lock, you enter, seeing some lights in the basement- “Perfect.~” You think as you make your way down the stair, not before locking the back door beforehand.

As you get downstairs in the basement, you see things that make you even angrier- disgusted with her. Pictures. Pictures of him everywhere and A map and time chart to tell where he will be and when.

“Fucking psycho,” you whisper. You go further, getting angrier the more pictures you see- luckily, she didn’t find out where he lived. You then see her- sitting at a desk on a laptop. You get closer quietly, seeing what she is doing- as you figured she was trying to find his address. You make a disgusted face- slowly making your way behind her.

“What you looking at?” you whisper in her ear, causing her the shiver and jump. She quickly turns around, seeing you smirking at her. You quickly hit her with the handle of the knife you were holding- hating guns.

As she falls to the floor, she looks up at you with a busted lip, “WHAT THE FUCK!? WHO ARE YOU?!” she screams. You winced at her annoying voice.

“Shut,” you say, then kick her in the face causing her to fall face-first to the floor, knocking her out, “up.” You smile as you drag her in the middle of all her pictures tying her to a chair.

After a few minutes, she wakes up with a bloody lip and nose, looking around to see all the ‘beautiful’ pictures of him she had taken. She looks around till she sees you- setting fire to a pile of them. She yells and starts to cry.

“YOU DUMB BITCH YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO TAKE THOSE FINALLY!!” she yells, tears running down her face making you cringe. Ugly.

“Oh no, I don’t, but I don’t care,” you say with a spine-chilling smile. “They are of my husband- surely you knew he was married, right?” you say so calmly it makes her tremble.

She looks at you wide-eyed, shock written all over her face. “Wh-what?! No, he’s mine! You can’t have him.” she yells angrily.

You laugh hysterically, “Oh, I can’t? Then why am I married to him?” showing your ring. “And why does he fuck me every night like it’s the last?” you say with a smirk. She becomes angry and tries to escape your restraints- with no luck.

“N-no!” she yells and cries. “Y-you don’t deserve him, you whore!” she screams and cries more. What did she call you? A whore? This makes you laugh more.

“Oh hun, only he can call me a whore… when he fucks me,” you smile. “I’m not the whore here; it’s you. You are a home-wrecking whore!” you yell, laughing.

“You tried and stole the love that belongs to me from him. Well, guess what… it won’t work,” you say happily, then coldly, your tone change making her shiver. “It doesn’t and won’t work because, well- those flowers you sent? Those letters? He throws them away- even burns some in his office if bored. Do you think he would want you? Being married and having me as his wife, you think he would want you? No.” you say wickedly. “No, sweetie, he has me- and you are just trying to pry your way into his life? Stalking him? Following him? How pathetic.” you say, laughing at the end.

“W-what… no… he doesn’t want you! Or else why would you be here?” she says loudly and angrily. She’s trying to get under your skin, and it won’t work. “You wouldn’t be here trying to get rid of me if he wanted you! I bet he fell in love with me and wants to leave you!” she yells. You laugh, making her shocked.

“Oh, no-no-no. I’m here to handle you. I could let you keep stalking him if I wanted, but I’m not- because no one stalks my husband. No one hurts him or even tries to land a hand on him without dying.” you say, smiling. “Now, enough talking- you are getting on my nerves, and I want to get home to my husband.~”

You walk closer to her, causing her eyes to go wide. “Y-you wouldn’t… you’ll be a murder!” she screams. You laugh. Yes, you would be, but do you care? No.

“And? What’s so wrong with killing someone for your love?” you say as you cut her upper arm deeply. She yelps in pain and flinches. You then start your process of torture.

After a few fingers and cuts to the legs and arms, she’s out. Making you groan as another one didn’t last long; these people are so weak yet mess with your husband? Pathetic. You finish the job by slitting her throat- making you smile as she bleeds. You check her pulse, knowing some people get lucky- annoying. Confirming her death, you burn the pictures and anything to do with him- simply before setting fire to the whole house- dumb bitch.

You walk back to your and his home covered in blood and ash. On your way home, you throw up a couple more times but think it could be the heat from the fire you set and the lunch that upset your stomach earlier. You dispose of your weapon and enter the house. Checking to see if he was home- he wasn’t. He is on patrol tonight, so he will be home later than normal.

Making your way to your and his share bathroom, you strip, not checking what time it is—getting into the shower and washing the blood and ash off. You were too busy washing and scrubbing the blood off to hear him enter the bathroom.

Izuku looks down as he enters the bathroom seeing your bloodied clothes. He smirks, knowing what you did but doesn’t know who, as he handles everyone, mostly those who dare bother you or him. He strips from his dirt and sweat-covered suit, sneaking into the shower behind you- seeing you scrubbing off blood and humming. No, kidding, you didn’t hear him; you were in your world.

Sneaking behind you, he wraps his arms around your waist, making you tense until he speaks in your ear. “Hey, baby girl~,” he said softly in your ear. You turn around, wrapping your arms around his neck, and hug him tightly with a deep passionate kiss. As he kisses back, he lifts you wrapping your legs around his waist, and putting your back to the wall.

“So you gonna tell me what you were doing tonight, or do I have to guess?” he says, smiling and grabbing the scrub brush washing you.

You blush as he scrubs you, never used to his affection. “I-I might have gone out to handle something,” you say as he washes the blood off your legs.

“Oh? What was that something, babygirl?” he smirks, finishing scrubbing you off.

“Mmm, remember that little stalker you had?” you say mischievously.

“Oh? Did you find out who they were? Maybe you should be my investigator instead of that bonehead.” he says, smiling mischievously.

“I found her earlier this week- just had to wait till you patrolled this part of the city. She seemed really like following you on the other part,” you say, smiling back at him.

“Oh~, is that so?” he says with a smirk, leaning closer to you slowly- giving you a deep loving kiss. The kiss becomes heated quickly but doesn’t escalate as he wants to hear more.

“Mhmm~ Someone had a little stalker planning to take them away from me- had pictures and everything. I did take care of her, tho, as she was getting on my nerves,” you say sweetly, putting shampoo in his hair as you are wrapped around his waist.

“Pictures, huh? Where are these pictures? I would hate anyone to see them and blame either of us for just handling a problem.” he says, smirking.

“Oh, I burnt them all, including the house she bought recently, hoping for you to move in with her,” you say, cringing at the thought of someone buying a house and trying to take Izuku from you. You jump down and push him towards the water scrubbing the shampoo in his hair.

“That sounds like a board line, yandere, no? And not the kind I like either. Good thing I have you, baby.~” he says, smiling, letting you finish washing his hair. He gets the soap and scrubs to wash until you take over.

As you wash him, you give him a quick kiss smiling, “And good thing I have you.” you say, scrubbing his chest. As you finish washing him off with the scrub, you let him rinse off. Getting out of the shower, dressing in soft f/c pjs, you lay down cuddling into his chest.

“Get some sleep, baby. I’ll handle your clothes tomorrow, okay?” he says, kissing your forehead and holding you tightly.

“o.. okay.~” you say, falling into a deep slumber. He falls asleep holding onto you not long after you.

When you wake up, you run to the bathroom hunching over the toilet. You thought of reasons you could be throwing up but have no idea what it could be; not being able to think about it anymore, you throw up again into the toilet bowl. Izuku hears you throwing up and rushes to the bathroom to hold up your hair.

“Baby, are you okay? Okay.. that’s a stupid question..” he says, holding your hair back and rubbing your back. “Do you want me to go get you some Sprite and medicine?” he asks gently.

You shake you head no, “Can I just have sprite and soup… I’ll be in there in a second.” you say into the toilet bowl causing it to echo.

“Of course, baby, but go lay back down, okay? I’ll get you soup and Sprite. Just rest for now, baby girl.” he says gently with worry. He kisses you on your crown, leaving the bathroom to get the soup and Sprite.

When he leaves, you get up and go into the drawers under the sink, grabbing a pregnancy test. You couldn’t think of anything else and hoped this was the problem instead of being ill. You quickly take the pregnancy test and sit it on the sink, flushing the toilet and washing your hands before you start waiting for the results. It’s supposed to be a quick test, so you hope it tells you before he returns.

Izuku comes back a couple of minutes after to see you are not in bed and gets worried. Are you still throwing up? He walks into the bathroom to see your back facing towards him and you looking down at something.

“Baby? Is everything okay?” he asks softly as he can. You stand there shaking your head; yes. He then hears sniffling, which causes him to go wide-eyed. He rushes to you, going in front of you, not wanting to turn you around rapidly or forcefully, scared it might make you sick. “Baby, what’s goi-“He stops when he sees what you are holding. A pregnancy test? He tries to see the results, but you have it too close and turned at an angle where he can’t see it.

“I-izu, I’m pregnant..” you whisper happily. Crying from happiness, looking up at him, hoping he feels the same way.

“W-what? Really?!” he says with a broad smile, tears threatening to run out of his eyes. He quickly tries to look at the test again, which you show him. He starts crying as you do and hugs you tightly, making sure not too tight. “W-wait, baby, last night… did you get hurt or anything?” he asked suddenly worried for you and the growing fetus inside you.

“No, but I was around fire and smoke. I think I’ll be okay tho. I’ll go to the doctor tomorrow to make sure, okay?” you say, looking at him with passion and happiness.

He smiles warmly and kisses you passionately, and is so gentle as you would break. “Okay, I’ll go with you, okay?” he says, smiling more widely. “Come on, baby, before your soup gets cold, I’m sure it will help with nausea,” he says, picking you up bridal style and carrying you to your and his shared bed.

Laying you in bed, handing you your soup, and setting the Sprite next to you, he sits down on his side and wraps his arms around you, turning the TV on. Already knowing what you want to watch.

When you finish with your soup, you lay down and cuddle into his chest, giving him a soft passionate kiss, “I love you, Izu,” you say after the kiss smiling warmly at him

He smiles and holds you tighter, kissing your forehead, “I love you too, puppy.” he says warmly.

💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚

💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚🖤💚

This is the last part to ‘You’ll kill for me’

I’m sorry if this isn’t as good, I hope you like it!

[atopvisenyashill]

I would like to offer up my least favorite rancid takes and I’m doing it on anon instead of in a reblog because some would get me hate mail.

Making fun of Dany for miscarrying or acting like her being unable to bear children is a sign she’s evil or lesser. This is just misogyny. I don’t have issues with most Jonsas but I’ve seen takes that boil down to “Jon deserves a partner like Sansa because she can give him healthy kids and Dany gave birth to a lizard” like ok. Get out of my house.

In the same vein, gleefully theorizing that Sansa will be infertile. This is just weird and mean-spirited. It would add nothing to the narrative and also screams misogyny.

People who get really weird about the Starks being pale-skinned. Like I understand the take “it’s weird to draw only Arya and Jon with darker skin and give the other kids super fair skin since Arya and Jon are described as plain” but some people get super super defensive and go off about Arya’s “beautiful white skin” like hello? Do you not hear yourself?

Really any gleeful theorizing about Sansa or Dany dying. It’s fine to craft theories about this especially because Dany did die in the show but the attitude people take makes a huge difference. And it almost always boils down to ship wars. Jonsa fans smugly theorizing about Jon stabbing Dany for the sake of loving Sansa. Jonrya fans smugly theorizing about Jon pushing Sansa from a great height and professing his love for Arya to mirror Petyr and Lysa. Like. What’s wrong with you guys. It’s just shipping. You’re giddily posting about imaginary teenage girls being killed by an imaginary teenage boy they love for the sake of a different imaginary teenage girl. Seek help.

“Arya is actually very feminine and if you say otherwise you’re the misogynist and also a classist because Arya’s femininity is smallfolk femininity” you do not understand the difference between femininity and being female and the fact you get offended by people saying your fav is less feminine than other characters is showing your ass. You still think women are inherently feminine even if you’re willing to expand your definition of femininity and this will always loop back to sexism.

Victim-blaming. This is far more rampant with hotd but I see takes like “Dany raped Drogo” and “some part of Sansa wanted Petyr to prey on her because of that line where she momentarily kissed back” puke vomit goodbye. The number of times I have seen TB people insist that “people hate Rhaenyra because she’s not a perfect victim” and then say that Alicent didn’t have it so bad evidenced by the fact that she didn’t fight for power and cried when Viserys died is maddening like hey bestie guess what you’re doing right now? :-) I’m throwing tomatoes at you

dany & sansa infertility talk

oof yeah i've talked about this one before in that i think part of why everyone is so weird about dany's infertility is that clearly george is cooking somehting up here but no one (imo) has hit on just what it might be. and because the concept of infertility = bad is so prevalent in fiction, and also quite a hot topic in asoiaf, it means people theorize the most out of pocket shit imaginable. they do it with dany, with sansa, and it's so annoying. especially because it's like - neither of these two are even 18 i think it's sooo uncomfortable to speculate over "they're infertile because they're eeeeeeevil" when it's like no, there's a pretty clear reason dany is infertile actually and it's that she gave birth for the first time at 14 and is horrendously inbred! "oh but the magic" so have we noticed that there seems to be an uptick in in miscarriages when valyrian women give birth under 16 and are a bit more inbred or ??

pale skinned starks

in general i think people are so nauseatingly weird about this. i got at it in my original hater ask where i said i don't follow those "weird racist libs" because people always do this regardless of whether they're a stark or dornish or valyrian, it's just soooo fucking weird to harass someone because they're drawing a character darker than you think it's appropriate regardless of why you're doing it. i've seen this happen where people will get mad that dornish characters are drawn particularly dark and never mind that one of the places in the world that george based dorne off of is, ya know, fucking north africa, which has a large array of skin tones! and like i guess i get the criticism of "jon and arya are described as plain" but it's also sort of like well but...in canon they're described as having "northern coloring" as opposed to the more "tully look" and i think if you consistently draw other "northern coloring" characters like jeyne poole, beth cassell, alys karstark, lyanna stark, harwin, etc etc who are not considered plain as also a little brown skinned, it's fine. why is the idea of like, being fucking normal about skin color such a hard concept for this fandom to grasp.

love triangle stuff with jon

i do think some of the vitriol is due to like, the sheer number of people who are picturing women closer to sophie, maisie, emilia's ages in later seasons when they picture sansa, arya, and dany. i think for a lot of people, it's a lot harder to swallow dany's tragic ending as being, ya know, tragic, because show dany is just not particularly tragic as a character and the Fandom At Large loves to pretend like she's a hated character when she's consistently popular purely because of her aesthetic (and emilia's face) and not because of any real interest in engaging with her character. which is frustrating because it's like....i think the finale is coming when none of these characters ar even 20. they're going to be young as HELL when the long night comes and their youth is the tragedy. "old men talking young men dying" and all that. i say this as someone who does think it's not unlikely jon kills dany explicitly to save sansa, arya, or both girls, but I think the people who posit this as some sort of triumphant murder scene as if george didn't deny us happy catharsis over tywin and joffrey are in for a real rude awakening when we get ados/george's eventual outline to be released in like 40 years and see he meant all along for us to weep when the final moments come and not cheer!

but yeah the moon door stuff is especially stupid because it's like bro lysa basically date raped petyr when she was sansa's age, she consistently shows herself to be selfish and incapable of empathy even as a young woman (and there's like reasons for that obviously but the heinous way she's treating her sister and niece is not like, excusable especially when neither catelyn nor sansa are the reason her life sucks shit. killing jon arryn was fine tho let's be clear). what on earth has sansa done that is even in the realm of that? and no, the trident moment doesn't count, that's insane. i think the "jon puts down rabid dog dany" type takes are similar to the "jaime puts down rabid dog cersei" takes in that it's like maybe there is a framing here of "he has to kill her because someone has to" type deal but it's NOT going to be that clean of a kill, there WILL be guilt and a lot of discussion over whether it's necessary, over whether they're adding to the cycle of violence, over the toll it's going to take on them, and even whether they themselves are culpable in the sins of the woman they're passing judgement on!

arya is feminine

yes my GOD i posted here about this a little bc someone quote tweeted that last one about "erasing arya's femininity" with "what femininity???" and it's like YEAH. arya should be allowed to Not Do Femininity, she should be allowed to Do Womanhood The Way She Prefers and the way she prefers is NOT femine! that's okay!!!!!! the entire point of her character is that women shouldn't HAVE to be a certain way. if you're looking for "character who is gnc partially bc she's denied access to feminimity" that's BRIENNE not arya, arya wants nothing to do with it!!!

victim blaming

ya this is part of my "tg loves to say daemon is an abuser and then refuse to acknowledge rhaenyra is his victim" spiel. screaming about how "rhaenyra you saw what being a teen mom did to alicent now you're doing it to rhaena" RHAENYRA WAS A TEEN MOM TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! people constantly put rhaenyra in this third space 's like "well she sees herself as a man because she's entitled and she acts like a man because of that so i can analyze her from the point of having male privelege" WHAT IS THAT. NO!!! THIS IS VICTIM BLAMING. and YEAH i see that take a lot with alicent, that viserys isn't "abusive" so it's fine and it's like. how do you miss tery real commentary going on here about how every one of these relationships where a teenage girl is marrying a grown man is abusive to some degree. how do you miss the commentary that a man sees his wife as an extension of himself and therefore denies her personhood is a structural, societal problem in westeros and the way he dismisses her real fears and wants and desires and uses her as a replacement for both his dead wife and his daughter he can't talk to is deranged, abusive behavior? except i know why it's bc these exact same tb stans are saying that "the feminist marriage is when a woman chooses" bud we are quoting stephanie meyer here with this. lyanna's relationship with rhaegar isn't feminist bc she "chose" him, she's 16 this is like saying aria and ezra from pll is a feminist relationship bc she "chose" him. that man is her abuser. it doesn't matter that there's no physical violence or that the sexual violence isn't actually ~violent. rape and assault still exist even when the victim doesn't fight!!!!

[bidisasterevankinard]

Oh man, I wanted to request every single one tbh 😂 but if it sparks joy will you write 21 for buddie please? 🖤

Hi, Dj 💙💙💙💙😘😘😘You can ask about as much as you can🫂🫂🫂

Here is Eddie insecure about his scars (btw I have idea for Buck's one. Want to be tagged if I will write it?) My hand is slipped so it's like really angsty, but don't worry Buck takes care about Eddie

…on a place of insecurity. From kiss prompts

show me your scars (so i can love them too)

(oh what it is ? another title I made myself?)

buddie / T / 1085 words

Eddie never was insecure about the way he looks. He knew he was attractive. He knew people would find him hot. Shannon always made comments about how he could easily make a career in modeling or acting just because of his look. The thing that he liked to work out helped too. 

He also had pretty much a lot of things to be insecure about, more meaningful like being a bad son, not mature enough, not masculine enough, not a good husband, awful dad, and so on. So Eddie never felt insecure about his body.  

Until one day, a month after he was shot on the street in LA, he looks in the mirror and sees two very similar scars on the shoulders from bullets. And he knows on his back he had another two. It makes him run away from the mirror and throw up everything that Buck made him eat in the morning. He looks awful, disgusting, but most importantly weak. He’s just so weak. Can't even protect himself, let alone protect his family. By a miracle, Buck was not injured that day.

Eddie doesn't understand how Buck can still be around, and look at him as before, when Eddie literally wears evidence of his worthlessness on his skin. All the things his parents told him. He drags Chris and Buck with him into the darkness. 

Eddie continues to sit by the toilet, trying to calm his breathing, beginning to doubt that it is knocked down only because of vomiting. He doesn't hear Buck coming home and going into the room looking for him, but he hears Buck coming through the door, which he left open when brushing his teeth in front of the mirror.

“Hey, are you Ok? You need something?” the gentle but very worried voice of his boyfriend comes to Eddie and he tries to stop the tears, but loses the fight and feels like tracks of tears are rushing down his cheeks, and there are real oceans in his eyes. 

He sits down leaning into the bathroom, pulling his knees up his chest, and trying to hide. He wants to run away so far to hide all the pain and self-hatred that is in him from the best person in his life. A man who loves him, but Eddie doesn't want Buck to see him like this, he doesn't want Buck to be disappointed in him and leave.

But Buck just sits with him and lets him cry as much as he can, hugging him tight. They sit like that in silence, Eddie cries his eyes out, and Buck hugs him. When Eddie is done, he gets to his feet and washes his face with cold water, feeling the look of Buck, who also got up and stands behind him, but he is afraid to approach, touch, to do something wrong. Eddie hates himself a little for upsetting Buck.

“Will you tell me now what’s wrong? Is that something with your shoulder? Your doctors called you? Something is wrong?” Buck plies him with questions as soon as Eddie turns to face him.

“Nothing is wrong, Buck,” Eddie hopes that's enough. He can't and won't tell the truth, the truth will push Buck away, show how much he deserves more than Eddie, and Eddie egotistically wants Buck to be only his.

“People don't have breakdowns in bathrooms when nothing is wrong,” Buck says and Eddie puts up with the fact that he won't back down. After all, it's Buck. He never gives up. That's why Eddie loves him, but now he really hates this trait of his partner a little. 

“Please, Eds, tell me what’s wrong. We had a good morning together, all three of us. I took Chris to school and when I came back home you were crying near the toilet. It makes me scared, babe, please,” Eddie sees how blue eyes are getting red and wet and breaks.

“I saw my scars. From Afghanistan and from the sniper. They are almost identical. Four scars from two bullets which makes me feel sick because I was so fucking weak. I look weak. I’m weak. And look disgusting.”

“Don’t say that,” Eddie tries to stop Buck and his attempt to calm him down. “No, shut up, it’s my turn to talk. Your scars are not disgusting. They don’t show your weakness. They show what …” Buck is crying and his breathing is erratic, but he continues.

“They show that you two times were so close to dying because people are awful and like violence. They show a little boy who was too young to be in the army but he tried his best to support his family and a still young man who cared about the little boy he met once too much to come to rescue him. They show that you were so fucking strong and two times fight death to come back to life. This one,” Buck points to his shoulder, which still has a fresh scar from a sniper's bullet, a scar that Buck saw how was inflicted, “this one shows that you fought to come back home to me. And that I was fast enough to save you. Don’t say they are disgusting,” Buck walks up to him and looking into his eye leaves an insanely tender kiss right on the scar. 

“Don’t call yourself disgusting,” another kiss. “Or weak,” another kiss. “Because you’re not. You’re not. Please believe me you’re not,” more kisses around his scar.

Buck then joins their foreheads and gives Eddie the right to decide what he wants to do next. Eddie hugs him tight and tries to convince himself that Buck's words are true. Maybe he needs help. Hell, he probably needs therapy, but he's willing to do it if it lets him one day see his scars the same way Buck sees them.

A year later, sitting on the beach on their honeymoon, Eddie takes off a T-shirt that hides his shoulders. He is proud to know that he has scars from the time when he fought for his family as best he could. But he feels even more proud of the scratches from Buck's nails all over his back. He wants them all to be seen and envied. And well, Buck blushes so sweetly every time he looks up to look at them. Eddie can't wait to get back to the room. In the end, you can sunbathe in LA. That's not what he's on his honeymoon for.

[izvmimi]

WSB (and WSHB) - Chapter VI

cw: pill mention. brief smut.

Masterlist

A month passes.

Izuku has come to your doorstep exactly three times, and every time you’ve pretended not to be home. It has hurt you every time to watch him come, knock, wait, sigh and then leave. The third time, he sat outside for hours, twiddling his thumbs, until a distress call came on his beeper and you watched him reluctantly get to his feet and bound off.

“You can’t avoid him forever,” Tessa reminds you as she watches you compare the inscribed addresses on the invitation with the list she provided you. You’ve paused on your old address and she’s picked up on this as she looks over your shoulder. You check the box in a glittery red pen, then set the envelope down to pout at her.

“If this is a complex way to tell me you’ll kill me if I don’t show up to the wedding, don’t worry, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you reply with a laugh.

She grins and goes back to sitting across from you on the couch, and you can see her face immediately turn serious.

“Tess, you’ve been writing your vows for like six months now. Stop stressing about it, hun,” you say, throwing a pillow at her. She dodges it easily and hunches over even more dramatically over the chair.

“It has to be perfect.”

“You could tell him he reminds you of a sundried raccoon and he’d think it’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said.”

To this, Tessa gives you a horrified look which throws you in a laughing fit.

“Plus!” - this time you’re the one to dodge a pillow - “it would get a lot of laughs from the crowd!”

“Can you not?!”

“Fine!” You grab the pillow and squash it in your lap, still giggling. “All I’m saying is that you have a love that I admire.”

Tessa looks up from the document she’d already returned to, and you can see her expression softening. Her voice melts too.

“Do you mean it?”

You nod, the tiniest bit of shine forming in your eyes.

“Absolutely. I can’t wait to see you two get married.”

---

Tsuyu watches her friend struggle to try on the fifth dress in the pile and winces as Ochaco finally groans in frustration.

“Nothing fits,” she cries, as she stares at herself in the mirror, shifting left then right, then left again. While the vomiting and discomfort has subsided, she can’t deny the growing baby bump that she doesn’t really want to hide yet is difficult to dress up anyway. Tsuyu gives her a sympathetic look and sifts again through the rack of clothes that they brought into the dressing room together before sighing as well.

“Maybe you can get something custom made?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t show up at all,” she says, easing herself into a seat with a frown on her face. She’s been standing on her feet for too long and even if Izuku is mostly present for her, he wasn’t able to take her around shopping today, and Tsuyu, even if attentive, is not as careful as he is.

“Not showing up would look bad. Tessa still invited you, right?”

Ochaco all but rolls her eyes. “But she hates me.”

Tsuyu shakes her head.

“She doesn’t hate you, she just wishes…” Ochaco gives her a look and Tsuyu hesitates. “... you know?” Tsuyu waves her hand aimlessly. She probably could have just agreed. Maybe Tessa does hate her.

“Even if Tessa doesn’t, ___ does. I don’t even know why I’m bothering.” Ochaco tries to manage the upset look on her face, but her friend can tell she’s cracking a little bit under pressure. What Ochaco has not told her is that Izuku asked her just this morning who her plus one would be, a subliminal message that it would not be him.

Things have only worsened with Izuku since the cocktail party, and while he still shows up to all visits and remains involved in all things pertaining to the baby, the wall has only seemed to grow taller. In fact, it’s almost businesslike with him, and the cold behavior has heightened her anxiety more and more each day.

She never did anything wrong. Why is she being punished?

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” she repeats out loud.

Tsuyu nods. “You didn’t.”

Silence falls in the dressing room for a moment, and Ochaco remembers the night she conceived -  

Izuku, heavily inebriated, hovering over her, shaky and breathless. Shadows shifting in the dark, dim lights and actors on screen sighing along with the two heroes as they fall subject to their passions. He kissed her and kissed her and kissed her and she pretended the tears rolling down his cheeks could only mean that he had wanted her this much, at last. At last, he was holding the right person in his arms. It was always supposed to be her, always, always, always. Maybe when he stroked the side of her face, gazing into her eyes as he thrust languidly into her, he wasn’t looking through her but at her for the first time in a while. The glazed over look in his eyes wasn’t longing for another, it was longing for her. And when he finally came inside her, as the warm and wet seeped out of her legs and she nuzzled into his neck, he wasn’t whispering a gentle I shouldn’t have hurt you with his eyes closed to you, but was apologizing for being too rough with her.

Could you blame her for forgetting to take her pill that night?

And could you blame her for taking the risk when she remembered, instead of marching down to the nearest convenience store for plan B?

If the heavens wanted them to be together, they would be, and now they’re forever linked by something immutable. It was not a mistake.

It could never be a mistake. They were meant to be.

---

Another month passes.

You couldn’t look any more suspicious, and Shoto points it out the second he spots you outside of the doors of Endeavor Agency.

“You know, you can just walk in,” he points out as he sneaks up behind you, and you jump almost a foot up in the air, your sunglasses nearly falling off your face. When you turn to face him, he’s smiling.

“I couldn’t risk Tessa finding me here under any circumstance,” you only half-joke. “It also looks bad if I just walk into a rival company when I haven’t taken any jobs for months.” He actually laughs and you warm as you hear him laugh.

“It’s not like you’re joining us,” he says. Without saying a word, he reaches for your leather bag and you hand it over to him to carry. “Although it would be nice if you transferred,” he says, and you nudge him on the shoulder with yours.

“Quitting one agency for another just seems petty.”

“Yeah, but does it matter?” he asks.

You stop and give him a glance, and he looks right back at you with a raised eyebrow. Then you burst out laughing.

“You’ve become meaner over time, Shoto.”

“Not mean,” he replies. “Just honest with myself.”

“You’ve always been honest, though.” By now, you’re far enough from the agency that you’re willing to take off the stupid sunglasses and clasp them onto your shirt. The tabloids have calmed down when it comes to you and Izuku by now, and Shoto, having excellent media management resources courtesy of his famous father, can handle a few messy headlines.

“Not always,” Shoto says under his breath. You’re not exactly sure what he means by it, so you don’t comment. Instead, you pull up the dinner menu as you keep walking towards your reservation.

“Have you tried anything here?” You ask.

“Nope.”

“I thought you said this was a great restaurant,” you ask, pouting. “You’ve never been here, have you?”

“That’s what the reviews and my coworkers said,” Shoto replies. “I’m treating. If it tastes bad, we’ll just leave.”

You purse your lips, but it’s a solid plan. He reaches for your hand, and you hesitate for a moment, then relax your hand in his. It’s still new to you.

You didn’t listen to your mother.

---

“Have you thought of baby names yet?”

Izuku is stunned by the question. He’d never considered this, and no, he really hasn’t thought of any. But yes, his baby, their baby should have a name. Ochaco must have a name, and probably multiple in mind, but he realizes now that it’s never come up in conversation. Has that been intentional or not? Either way, his mind comes up blank as he tries to think for a moment, and his mother saves him out of his runaway train of thought.

“It’s okay if you haven’t picked, honey, don’t worry,” she says. “You have time.” She smiles and pats his back as she moves past him, trying to reach a plate of chopped vegetables she’s left on his counter. “Thank you,” she says as he hands it to her so she can dump it in the frying pan she has on the stove.

Inko hasn’t come by to his apartment to cook in many weeks. It was an activity she enjoyed doing with you after all, spending the morning grocery shopping and the rest of the late morning and early afternoon making a feast and meal prepping for a week at a time, where she would ask you and Izuku questions about everything and nothing. Today was still cozy with just the two of them, but it lacked a little bit of mirth given that you were no longer in the equation.

But as usual his mother was very diplomatic about it.

“What are you going to do finally?” she asks, as the food starts to brown, and she taps her wooden spoon against the edge of the pan and looks up at him. Her eyes are not accusatory but they’re suddenly assertive and Izuku can feel his throat closing up as he considers what he might have to tell her. He knows what she’s getting at but he avoids saying it directly.

“Raise the baby with Ochaco.”

“Together?” she asks for clarification. “As a couple?”

Izuku swallows hard.

“I haven’t decided yet.”

She groans.

“You can’t be wishy-washy about this. If you want them to come into this world without a problem, you have to have a plan,” she says. She turns the vegetables in the pan, and adds slices of meat, then broth and covers it and looks at him again.

This time her eyes are softer but her words are still sharp.

“All this stress is not good for Ochaco,” she finally adds. “If you don’t want to do this with her, you should tell her the truth. That way you and she can make the necessary arrangements.”

“How are you so sure I don’t want to?” He’s defensive but Inko all but rolls her eyes.

“I know you well enough. You’re waiting for a miracle.”

The two of them look at each other, and Izuku bites his lip.

“It’s not a miracle,” he murmurs. He’s picked up his phone by now, and the phone number at which you’ve blocked him rests under his thumb.

But it is, isn’t it? What kind of woman would you be if you took him back after all this? He doesn’t deserve your attention for a second.

And yet, the selfish part of him wants it, demands it even. If you loved him, a baby would be nothing, right? It was a mistake to make one with her, yes. But you could learn to love it, and love him again and he would make you so happy.

So why? Why move on?

He hasn’t.

[evansbby]

akskskskdkefnhejejeje not this blog just being a source of inspiration for me??? i never wrote this much, && i can't stop thinking about this au since i sent my ask in-

+

You gag when you smell the meat, stomach lurching. It’s disgusting, worse than the smell of cow manure, worse than the near two-week long food you left out to rot. God, this was like someone was flipping your stomach upside down, ready to spill its contents.

And though you asked the staff to keep the meat away from you—specifically beef—they ignored you. Of course they did, because you weren’t the ruling king here. Probably thought you were overreacting, and you thought so, too. But you couldn’t help it with your pregnancy and odd cravings. 

Besides, Ari is king here, and if he wanted meat with his business partners who he invited once a week, he would get it. You just made sure to avoid when that happened, but you missed the memo this week apparently.

Especially because the meeting which usually happens on Wednesdays occurred today, too.

“What the fuck is going on?” You hear Ari through the haze. Arms grab you and pull you up towards a firm chest, and though you know he hates the contact, you bury your nose in his pine and earthy smell. God, but it still lingers in the back of your nose, and instinctively, tears fall from your body’s reactions.

You didn’t want to act like a fucking baby, but you’re much more emotional than usual. And Ari hates emotional—you know this. You didn’t deserve to gain pity, not when you’ve done so much to destroy his life. 

“I’m sorry—” You lurch away from him and pinch your nose, trying to breathe through your mouth. In. Out. It’s fine. Stop struggling in front of Ari, show him that you’re okay.

“It’s not the baby—” Unable to take it anymore, you run to the bathroom, hearing cries and questions follow you. Before you know it, you’re ripping the toilet lid open and spilling the few bites of lunch you managed, a raging headache following. Hands clench on the floor, and in a blurry haze, you feel the calm, gentle rubs on your back. Round, circular strokes that cause your shoulders to relax, and he brushes your hair back in a ponytail in his hands. Facing the floor, you focus on erasing the meat from your memory. 

Though Ari’s expression is anything but, eyes hard and eyebrows knit together. “How long has this been going on?” The voice is dangerous, demanding an answer, alerting the hairs on the back of your neck.

In reply, your voice is meek. Ashamed. You make sure to block the disgusting pile of vomit, hoping that he won’t be able to smell the stench. Because whenever you throw up, you know that it’s awful. Heck, the maids here give you dirty glances when they enter the bathroom, complaining that this is above their pay-grade. “A few weeks. But I’ve been cleaning up after myself, I swear!” 

“And the maids?” You peer up at Ari. He’s not just angry, he’s fuming.

“They don’t need to worry about it… it’s above what they should be paid. They shouldn’t be cleaning up after my messes.” 

“What did you just say?” Uh, wrong answer. Nose starting to sting, tears start to gather again. Lately, your ups and downs have been severe, and with your insecurities growing, this incident doesn’t help. 

“Look. I’m sorry, okay? I know I’m in the wrong, and I shouldn’t have shown something like this or caused a scene. But I had a rough week, and I would like to roll in bed and—”

“Hey, hey. It’s not your fault.” You can’t help but cry when Ari cups your cheeks. It’s the most gentle, the most loving, he’s been since the start of your marriage. Am I that pitiful? 

“It’s not your fault,” he repeats. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay if you did,” you sniffle. 

“But I don’t.” Another surprise: Ari scoops you up from under and carries you to the bed, gently placing you there. You hear the click of the bathroom door shut, and turn away from him so that you won’t breathe on him. God, it sucked having bad breath. 

Except Ari turns your head back. Places his forehead on yours.

Your breath hitches in surprise. You stare at his long lashes, at the frown marring his features, at his thumb stroking your stomach. 

You never want to break this moment. The most precious one you’ll save.

With a half-smile, you pat his hand and remove it from its place. “I promise it’ll be better soon. You should head down, okay?”

+

The next time you come down for dinner, on the day that Ari has another meeting, you’re surprised to see the staff place sushi in front of you. For weeks, you insisted that fish is okay—that in fact, you crave it more than anything else. The sudden shift from neglecting your needs to almost… adhering to it is an odd change.

“Please, try it.” Rather than walking away the moment they slide the plate over, their hands are folded together, backs straight. Like… they’re nervous? 

“I’m sure I’ll like it—”

“You like the sushi?” Ari comes down from the stairs, slinging his suit jacket on. Why is he coming down so late? Usually he’s gone by the time you wake up, but you heard the shower go on as you got out of bed. And now he’s checking in on your food? 

What’s more surprising is that he sits next to you, elbow on the table, a casual posture. But the workers in front of you seem to be vibrating with nerves, especially as he cuts them a hard look. 

“Mr. Levinson!” The chef blurts. “We didn’t know you were joining, er, Miss… we can make you a plate!” 

You smother a giggle at how he’s tripping left and right for words. It is true—Ari is an intimidating man, and you’ve been in that position countless times. With the dominance and charisma that he carries around, it’s impossible to not want to please him. Not that you’ve ever gotten a praise from him, but still. 

Facing you once again, Ari nudges the plate closer to you. “Eat one.” 

The fact that he’s concerned about your eating habits only adds to the complex feelings you have towards him. Right now, you’re practically melting, heart filled with warmth that he cares. And this is why being around Ari is so dangerous: you’d do anything for him, twisting his intentions selfishly so that you think he’s worried about you, and not the baby. 

“Okay,” you whisper, dabbing the California roll—you love the bland flavors—into the soy sauce, and taking a bite. 

It’s good. It’s exactly what you craved for the last few weeks, and you devour one after the other. 

 “You like it?”

“Like it? It’s the best thing I had all week! Not that I craved it, but I craved it.” Another bite. 

For some odd reason, he smiled. It lit up all his features as his eyes crinkled, filled with gentleness, enough to make you pause. Did something good happen to him? Maybe it’s because he’s going to meet Sharon. 

“Good,” he murmurs. “Eat a bit more.” 

It isn’t until later that you realize the chef never came back. 

BESTIE IM SOBBING! Dark!Ari standing up for her!! Also yum sushi 🍣 😌😌 YOU NEED TO WRITE AND POST THIS ON YOUR TUMBLR BESTIE (if you want!) bc it’s amazing!! 🫶🏼😩✨

[starchild--27]

i was tagged by @artemiss-moonchild and @heartcravings in two different spotify-centric tag games - so i'll just morph them~ i am also high on finishing a book right now, so yeah, it's gonna be long and full of words i have to vomit out now because my brain is buzzing xDD

shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first 10 tracks,

Brand New City by Mitski ~ probably my favourite song of hers, i feel all of her music and lyrics very very much but this song...just hits different i dunno, i guess it is the closest thing i have to describe this restlessness i get sometimes

blue by keshi ~ every single word in this songs gets me and i am kinda giddy bc i bought tickets to his concert as a christmas present for my sister and me, hehe, i'm looking forward to that already ^^

Where We by Ryu Ji Hyun & Kim Kyung Hee ~ part of the OST of the drama Rain Or Shine / Just Between Lovers, it's on netflix, lee gangdu is my poor little meow-meow, i cried buckets and got wayyy more invested in this drama than i anticipated xD

I Don't Even Mind by Chen ~ it's my favourite track of his 3rd album, i like how his voice blends with the instrumental, i love how his voice is so clear, how it kinda floats over the tumbles of the guitar, it's like fog over a little creek

I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace ~ i stumbled over that one by chance not even a month ago, i knew the band existed and what their sound was like but never listened to their songs, so that one is the only one i know and what can i say...a girl feels conflicting feelings sometimes xD

Nothin' by EXO-SC / Chanyeol ~ i am really fascinated by this song because it has so many layers of sound, there is just so much going on on that track, like it sounds calm and spherical and like you are floating through a dark night, but you are driven by an invisible force, by thoughts and voices and echos. this song makes me fearless, it lifts me up when i am on the ground, it grounds me when my head tries desperately to fly away from my body, it was my no. 1 song in my spotify wrapped xD

Charmer by Stray Kids ~ ok this one is less deep xD it's just a cool, very vibey song, it really got me back into Stray Kids this year and wow it seems very unreal rn that Oddinary was a 2022 release o_o

Lithium by Nirvana ~ a classic, some would say. i can play it on the electric guitar so that's cool 👀✨️ to me this song is probably even more "nirvana" as Smells Like Teen Spirit - i dunno it captured their sound really well and i might sound very pretentious now but it is such a Kurt song, i don't know how to descibe it differently xDD

Words as Weapons by Seether ~ and sometimes a girl feels a very stubborn anger against the world and some people who have deep cuts. listening to this song is cathartic.

Universe by EXO ~ doesn't your heart just open up when they sing "I'll search the universe..."?? because to me it always feels like that, like something bright is opening up my heart, ready to search along with them (it's the way the melody just keeps rising, flying across the nightsky on that long high note)

then list 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist.

New Thing by Zico feat. Homies ~ this song... is just really, really cool. so cool. ahh. i love listening to it, it's always over way too soon xD

saudade, saudade by Maro ~ my Eurovision favourite this year, haha, their whole stage presence was so whimsical, they remained my favorites from start to finish. i just listened to the song a lot afterwards. the soft desperation in it is just everything, really.

505 by Arctic Monkeys ~ screaming crying throwing up about everything in this song. the musical built up, the breakdown, the lyrics - just ahhh everything about this song makes me go feral, especially the breakdown. i think i rarely show as much of myself to other people as i do when 505 comes on and i'm screaming "but i crumble compeltely when you cry"

Slump by Stray Kids ~ sad bop in three languages, made by the one and only Han Jisung who gave the sinking feeling you get when you realize you are somehow falling behind depsite your best efforts a sound. musical genius (but also are u ok bro?). anyway, i can do all the rap parts (in english because i am a chicken when it comes to korean let alone japanese and i really don't want to mispronounce stuff) in this song and i don't think it sounds cringy when i do it so that's what i've been up to musically these days xDD

RED by Survive Said The Prophet ~ the lyrics in this one are so great! it has such a raw power once it breaks loose, it reminds me of thunderstorms and a stadium full of people not minding the rain because the live music is just so good and everything fits, lights flashing and bass guitar and drums messing with your gut. it's full of so many different feelings that you sometimes can't tell apart but they make you want to move and run and run until your body hurts more than your heart.

Star Walkin' by Lil Nas X ~ this song is also so full of energy but a totally different kind. it's stellar, it's bright, it's almost delirious, it's testing out how fast you can run before you fall over your own feet, it's chasing the feeling of your stomach dropping when you go a little too high on the swings. it sounds really weird, but my first instinct when this song comes on is not to blink, not one second, because i could miss something at this racing pace. the verses are just floating in space, looking around, taking it all in, whereas the chorus is pure acceleration until the point where there is no more "faster", feeling it might hit anytime now but it just doesn't xD

Forgive Me by BoA ~ it's her recent comeback and i've never really gave her music a listen but i saw the teaser pics being absolutely my vibe so i checked it out and really liked it! there is nothing more to it haha. it reminds me a little of what i also would have loved to see Seulgi do on her solo album but it's not that big - both harmonize perfectly with their respective tracks.

Hurdle by Suho ~ he made theeeeee summer bop with this song, really. gosh, the way i freaked when i first heard this song xDD i took little notes about the Grey Suit album in my notebook back then so i know for a fact i was immediately obsessed with the funky bass line and the voice distortion and how dancable this song is.

Serenity by Xiumin ~ i've said it before and i'll say it again: this song is an early spring sunrise, when you woke up oddly early snd you go outside to catch the first glimpses of sunlight and the dew still hanging on the grass wets the hem of your pants, tickles your skin, the cold wetness seeping through your shoes but then the first rays of light hit your skin and the air is fresh and clear and everything feels better and new, like you have healed a little, like you can keep going with a new burst of energy now. this is how this song sounds like to me, i get that mental image everytime, dark greens and bright blues and even brighter white and yellow hues.

Checkmate by TheBoyz ~ again nothing all to deep besides the fact that this song is a total banger and i just go insaneeee over the whispering and member who-ever-it-is saying "you're never satisfied". my sister likes TheBoyz and she played it once or twice and that's how i know this song xD

list the first 10 songs played from my spotify wrapped/apple replay when shuffled!

Francis Forever by Mitski ~ this one somehow very quietly became my chanyeol-enlistment-song. it's all about missing someone, needing someone/depending on someone's presence, not in a full on desperate way (a little desperate maybe-) but in a way that is just like what the first lines say "I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do with myself now that your not here" kinda like you still need time to figure out how to handle things in the absence of something that has been very present before. it really got to me while Chanyeol was away (yk sorta-away because you really cannot get that man off a stage xD but the feeling has always been different than before) - in the end i think it's a lot about adapting after a change in the way somebody is present in your life.

Daechwita by Agust D ~ i am not the biggest BTS fan on the plant (thank god) but i have a sort of soft spot for their rap line because they simply are really good at what they do, especially yoongi. and daechwita, what can i say, simply a total vibe. i remember how i had this song and Lay's Lit right after on repeat a lot that year, they somehow belong to the same universe xDD Daechwita is all about speed and power and hot rage, Lit is all albout precision and force and a very cold attitude of supremacy - both have this very untouchable and dangerous vibe. they are neighboring kingdoms maybe, very peaceful with each other btw. they just come to destroy them haters xD

Raining by Chanyeol ~ this song it just a biiig loong sigh. it's taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly. the dark heavy piano really is like black paint in an artwork, it really gives the song that heavy atmosphere. then the sax soli are almost complaining, it's whining, it's telling you its story of misery with the heaviest sighs. this also reflects in Chanyeol's vocals, he also has this hint of exhaustion there, this song is just so dramatically done with everything, it just yk wants to have a drink and end this unfortunate day xD on some days i think this might be the best song of the The Box OST because they caught this very moody atmosphere so so well and it's not often done like that in populat music, i suppose (look i probably sound like i know what i am talking about but i really do not- xD)

GOTTASADAE by BewhY ~ again, nothing deep. my bestie sent me the song and was like "!!!! here listen !!!" and i was like "omg!!!!!!!" and then it was on repeat xDD

This Is How I Disappear by My Chemical Romance ~ so here is the thing, i knew about them for a long time but i never had this kind of "emo phase" in my teenage years but when they had their revival tour or whatever this year a lot of people i follow online suddenly were obsessing over them again, and when i like people a lot and they get invested in something, then i want to check that out too. so i listened to their entire discography in one weekend (coincidentally, the exact weekend they played in germany xDD) and This Is How I Disappear was the winner of the little favourite MCR song race i had in my head xD so yeah, i dig their music, especially this song. once again, very cathartic to listen/dance/sing to.

Snow (Hey Oh) by Red Hot Chili Peppers ~ i really like that i got this one on random! because it's the first RHCP song i actively remember hearing, probably in the radio and i was just really obsessed with it (in a way a child can be obsessed with a song it doesn't understand xD) and that just kind of lingered around and i eventually looked up the chords so i could play it on the guitar when i was 13 i think, leading to my dad showing my Californiacation and Under The Bridge and that's when i got more and more into their music in general. another weird fun fact: because i practiced the lyrics very hard back then i can now recite them in absolute inhuman speed, everytime i do it it annoys people to no end but i think it's fun xD

Shutdown by Moonbyul feat. Seori ~ (un)official sapphic anthem, let's gooo. this song is so so sexy in a very soft and casual and relaxed way. i love how their voices harmonize, i love how the melody flows, how you're just drawn into the song from start to finish. this song it somebody touching you very softly, very gently at your most secret, sensitive places. this song is knowing how to have the exact same effect on the other. it's dancing together with the smallest most minimal moves, bodies pressing impossibly close together. i just get this warm, seductive, soft, comfy, sexy feeling from this song.

Free Fall by Øzi ~ i am ascending every time i listen to this song, really. the chorus comes in like the ground beneath your feet rumbling and breaking apart, falling through the cracks. which might sound like a contradiction to what i said in the phrase before. but falling and flying are very easily confused when it's dark and you can't see the bottom. one of my favourite love letter songs <3

Tire Swing by Kimya Dawson ~ the simplicity of this song is so charming, really. it's nothing big, the melody sounds like a children's song but the lyrics tell the tale of the complicated matter that is really liking someone who is just so different from you that it's actually kinda impossible for things to work out well, at least not with anyone hurt. it's part of the soundtrack for the movie Juno (which i really like) and while the teenage romance is only a secondary part of the plot, i think this song was an amazing pick to explain the relationship between these two teenagers that lead very different lives and have to figure out how loving each other works. it's such an easy song and then again it is absolutely not.

Nothing Else Matters by Metallica ~ my dad once told me that metal musicians make the best love songs and then showed me Nothing Else Matteds as proof and, really, i could only believe him after that. i think, this song has had a huge huge influence on what i expect from a romantic relationship. it really shaped my understanding of romantic love to the point where i said (at 13 or 14) in my diary that if i ever got married it would be to this song, and i am still kind of in awe with this thought because that song remains to be very significant to me. how it's about always being together in a way, about sincerity of feelings, about trust, about getting to know the other better day by day and at some point getting to know yourself better through the other, how it's about sharing things openly, about living a life together, about having a companion like that who shows you the world you thought you knew in another light. it's about the enrichment you experience by having a romantic partner, that goes beyong anything sexual which is so often immediately associated with romantic love. and that just really left a lasting impression on me, so it's a fave ever since.

ok. this was long. and very uncalled for lol i am sorry for oversharing like that sometimes i'm just really in touch with how exactly music makes me feel and maybe i'm a little sloppy and a little too much in writing long paragraphs about it oops- ^^'

anywayyy i tag @kafkascupcake @byuns-coco @his-mochi-cheeks @cxsmicmyeon @nvwu @joon-rkive @simplypearing @xuoux @whisperingdoves if you guys wanna (feel free to pick the part you wanna do or simply ignore this tho, i am fully aware that this is a lot of time consuming text, so i won't mind at all xDD)

[foryouthegays]

things that freak me the fuck out, as someone with emetophobia:

obviously gagging, vomiting, talking about it, etc

bathrooms, especially at night

movement at night (most times ive been around people throwing up has been at night)

eating

cars

roller coasters (which sucks bc theyre so fun but i cant be around people)

boats (obviously)

burping

hot flashes/cold flashes/sudden sweats

excess saliva (this one sucks bc its also a hunger sign/abt to eat sign and its like oh boy i sure am hungry! [creates saliva to help digest] oh fuck no i am not going to eat i refuse i cant do this (doesnt eat for two days)

the feeling of hunger (v similar to stomach ache which could be a throwing up sign)

exercise

anyone leaving suddenly

greasy food

sugar

the color light green--not suuuuper big deal for me but our barf bowl is a light green color and it stresses me out sometimes

large food particles suspended in liquid that is not meant to be consumed (aka like .washing dishes)

new restaurants

ginger/ginger candy--this ones fun bc ginger helps, but im so used to ginger candy being associated with throwing up that it scares me to be around sometimes. which sucks bc ginger candy fucking rules

saltine crackers--same as prev

mint--same as prev

laughing too hard/crying too hard. begging society to get rid of the phrases laughed/cried so hard i threw up pleasseeeeeeeeee i hate it here

coughing

clearing throat

brushing teeth

flossing

really just anything going in ur mouth

swallowing anything gross (food u dont like, meds, etc)

carrots and peas (childhood friend commented that u always see carrots and peas in throw up even if u havent eaten it recently. this isnt a big one for me but if i feel even a Little not good it is hard to eat)

any food ive known to be recalled (lettuce is a big one) in the past

alcohol

new meds/meds in general tbh

rice (was badly sick after eating rice. rice was unrelated but was most of what i was throwing up)

anxiety (make stomach hurt -> stomach hurt = throw up) (this ones a fun cycle)

pretty much any movie/show/media that involves eating in Any way (this is why i was so hesitant to start reading dungeon meshi--a lot of media that has food also has throwing up as a comedic effect. it does too :3 in the first like five pages :3 sobbing and crying

actually pretty much any media .throwing up is a shorthand for comedy so often i dont GET IT

this isnt even like half of it this is just what i could think of in like five minutes .this was a fun exercise

[bellafragolina]

Hi Renee! I was wondering what you imagine Drunk Ingo and Emmet to be like in general And how would they act with Reader around. If they fancy Reader but aren’t together does it make them want to confess? Or do they get word vomit and just go on and on about their feelings in general? If they Are with Reader do they get more affectionate? Or more embarrassing? Or something else? Would love to know! Thank you so much Renee!

hello! you know these boys are e.m.b.a.r.r.a.s.s.i.n.g.

and i plan to show you just how embarrassing

🍓🍓🍓

Ingo:

Ingo is an emotional drunk. Everything he feels is turned up to 100, and he cries very easily. To see such a straight faced man dissolve into tears over a Skitty running away from him is a bit startling, but it's how Ingo is when intoxicated. He's very quick to grow attached to strangers as well, often leaving bars with numbers of fellow drunks that adored how he treated them like his best friends.

With you, pre-relationship, he's surprisingly quiet. He stares, his face deeply flushed, and just marvels over your every move. He'll whisper little praises for whatever you do. Be careful, deny the praise and he'll grow louder, practically shouting the roof off as he compliments your every good feature, skill, personality trait, and so on. He gets pretty loud too, so everyone in a ten mile radius will know how much he adores

The day after is the same whether he remembers what happened or someone has to remind him. He's so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He laments over how much you must hate him to Emmet (who is not amused and nursing a hangover, Ingo, please). Emmet eventually kicks him out to go talk to you, so he calls you, or if you're closer, shows up at your home with a warning text that he's coming over. The moment you answer, he's already spewing endless apologies, nearly collapsing with relief when you forgive him. Tell him how cute he was drunk, however, and he'll dissolve into a blushing puddle

Post-relationship, he's a mess of affection. Ingo isn't one for PDA, but once drunk, good luck peeling him off of you. He's already glued into your side, whining loudly whenever you try to get up or even shift positions. He's buried his face in your neck, kitty smile on fully display as you pet his hair and stroke his face. It's content, but also smug, as he shows off to everyone in the bar that yes, he's the one that scored the best partner there ever was. And no one else can have them but him. He's very proud

Emmet:

Emmet is surprisingly loud when intoxicated. He gets to match Ingo somewhat, and there's no end to what he'll talk about. He accidentally slams into someone trying to sit at the bar and suddenly he's chattering about the history of Pokémon breeding to a person who wasn't interested at first but is now fascinated by how plastered this man is while still talking in a monotone

Pre-relationship, Emmet's clinginess is maxed out. He loves you, secretly, so he's been pining for quite some time as he figures out your own feelings towards him. His heart can stand it no longer, so he's in your lap. He's cradled in your lap, giggling, pressing alcoholic kisses to your nose and cheeks as he stares up at you with stars in his eyes. If it's not obvious he's into you, he starts referring to himself as yours. Your good boy, your best boy, your Subway Boss, your anything

The next day, he doesn't get out of bed. He's a little mortified with himself, which isn't helped by his raging hangover. He shoots you some short and sweet apologies, throws his phone away, then curls up under his sheets to mope. He groans when the door creaks open, telling Ingo to go away, until the blankets are ripped back to reveal you. You ask him how your best boy is doing, and he dies then and there

Post relationship, it's pretty much the same. Emmet is your new backpack, and sitting is either with you in his lap or vice versa. He's got his hands everywhere, touching your hair, face, neck, shoulders, back, whatever he can reach. He wants to dance, he wants you to dance with him. He'll show off how limber he is, throwing his limbs around as he swings you and twirls you to the beat of the music. He's a lot of fun, until he hurts himself, so just be careful of that.

🍓🍓🍓

oh, boys <3

hope you enjoyed, my love! have a good night!!

~Renee

[viastro]

daisies | kim sunwoo

ミ★ synopsis: the best type of revenge is to hurt the person that means the most to them. aka, in which sunwoo is in charge of making you fall in love with him, just to break your heart.

ミ★ genre: angst, some fluff

ミ★ warnings: mentions of vomit, slightly suggestive

ミ★ word count: 10,155

ミ★ pairings: sunwoo x female reader

ミ★ notes: this is dedicated to my other half, @sunlightwoo​ happy birthday gina, i’m so grateful god decided that i shouldn’t be lonely and have you be born three days after me. i know you’ll probably hate me for this oneshot, but i know daises was one of your favorites from me. i love you, my sunshine. no amount of words will ever express just how much you mean to me.

The music is loud against Sunwoo’s ears as he dances with a girl he doesn’t even know the name of, not that he wants to know her name. She turns around and wraps her arms around the back of his neck, giving him a smirk. “Enjoying the view?” 

Sunwoo grins, leaning in towards her ear to whisper, “Maybe.” 

The unknown girl giggles at the ticklish feeling from Sunwoo’s lips, only making his smile wider as he moves closer to ask,

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Sunu! Sunu, we have to go.” Sunwoo curses at the familiar voice, turning around to see Chanhee with a frantic expression on his face, and that’s when he knows it’s serious. “Is it Minji?”

“It’s Minji.” Sunwoo removes himself from the stranger’s arms without another word and follows after Chanhee. They hurry out of the club, the cold spring night air hitting them as they walk. Sunwoo stops for a moment, looking up at the stars as he wonders what could’ve happened. 

“Sunwoo! Come on!” The black haired beauty takes one last breath of the night air, before rushing over to Chanhee’s car.

“Minji, please calm down!” Sunwoo hears as soon as he and Chanhee enter Minji’s house. His eyes widen when he hears a loud crash from upstairs, and he sprints up the stairs fast as he can, bursting in through her bedroom door to see Minji crying while holding a flower vase in hand. Her mom turns to look at Sunwoo helplessly, and he nods his head at her.

“Minji, look at me.” Sunwoo says softly, and she keeps her eyes trained to the floor as she clutches the vase tightly. He takes a few steps closer as Chanhee walks in quietly behind him, choosing to stay back since he knows Sunwoo handles these situations better. “Minji.” 

It’s when she’s about to throw the vase that Sunwoo grabs her wrist to stop her, pulling her into a hug with his other arm. She freezes for a moment, before letting out a small sob into Sunwoo’s shoulder, closing her eyes as she takes in her best friend’s comforting scent. “It’s okay Minji, we’re here. Chanhee and I are here.” 

Chanhee finally walks over, resting his hand on Minji’s back as she cries. He takes a glance at Sunwoo to see him with a stoic expression on his face, eyebrows slightly furrowed as the sounds of Minji’s sobs get louder. 

who the fuck did this to her?

“I always knew Mark was a piece of shit. Can’t believe he’s already showing interest in another girl when you guys just broke up.” Sunwoo grumbles to himself as he places his water back down. The three of them are sitting on Minji’s floor, talking about what caused her breakdown. She lets out a small sigh, running a hand through her hair, “I should’ve listened to your protests from the start. He was too charming though.” 

“That’s how they get you. I mean, look at Sunwoo.” The person in question chokes on his drink, turning to look at his lavender haired best friend with a furrow to his brow.

“Why the fuck am I being brought into this?” 

“He’s a charming ass guy,” Chanhee continues, choosing to ignore Sunwoo. “That’s how he’s able to pull in any person he shows the slightest bit of interest in. Then when he gets what he wants, poof. He’s gone.” Sunwoo chuckles, not finding it in himself to deny Chanhee’s explanation.

Cause he’s right.

Minji’s eyebrows furrow once an idea comes to mind, and she stands up along with the plan forming in her head. Sunwoo and Chanhee look at her with confused expressions on their faces, and she flashes them a small smile. 

“The best type of revenge is to hurt the person that means the most to them. Correct?” The two guys nod at her, not sure where she’s going with this. 

“And Chanhee says that Sunu is a bit of a fuckboy, right?” Sunwoo rolls his eyes at the term, opening his mouth to argue and Minji flashes him a look. He sighs, nodding his head and leaning back onto the bed frame. 

“What if we have Sunwoo swoop in and take the girl Mark’s interested in, have her fall completely in love with our sweet, sweet Sunu. Then he breaks her heart when the task is completed, so not only will Mark feel sad for her, but he’ll feel guilty knowing this wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t move on so fast.” Minji says with a grin, looking at her two friends to see their reactions. Chanhee frowns immediately at the idea, while Sunwoo stares back at Minji with an open-mouthed smirk. 

“We haven’t done anything fun like this in a while, I think it’d be cool.” Minji claps her hands in glee at his response, about to start planning the whole thing when Chanhee intervenes. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I understand revenge on Mark, but why do we have to bring the girl into it? She didn’t do anything wrong to Minji.” 

“I don’t see why not. Don’t be a party pooper Chanhee, just help us plan it out mm?” Chanhee stares at his two best friends, obviously seeing that he won’t be able to get through to them. He lets out a sigh, raising up his hand as a way of saying well, get along with it. 

“Well what I know about this girl is that her name is yln yn. She’s a year younger than us and goes to the same uni. Apparently her and Mark were close when they were in high school, but lost contact when he moved.”

“So his first love basically.” Sunwoo states, and Minji nods at him. “Ding, ding, ding! You’re correct. She works at the flower shop down by that cat café near your guys’ apartment complex.”

“Sounds like you know a lot about her for someone who just got their heartbroken.” Minji slaps the back of Chanhee’s head and he lets out a small whine. Sunwoo chuckles as he watches Chanhee rub the back of his neck, glaring up at Minji.

“Have to know the enemy, don’t I?” She asks with a smirk. Sunwoo takes a sip of his water before turning towards Minji and asking, “So what’s the plan?” 

She bites her lip excitedly, walking over to grab her corkboard and sticky notes. Minji turns back around with a big smile. 

“Here’s what I was thinking…”

“I hope your wife enjoys the bouquet Mr.Lee!” He gives you a big smile, waving bye as he steps out of the shop. You let out a breath, feeling satisfied by another happy customer. Leaning back onto the counter, you grab your water bottle and take a sip, only to immediately choke and spit it back out into the bottle when the door chimes. 

“Hi! Welcome to-” The words die in your throat when you lay eyes on the man who walked in. His black hair is slightly curled over his forehead, plush lips in a small pout as he takes a look around the store. He’s wearing a white turtleneck with a beige overcoat, making it appear as if he just came out of a photoshoot. 

The infamous Kim Sunwoo, a senior at Seoul National University. He’s notorious for sweeping people off their feet in a matter of minutes, being both charming and handsome really works in his favor. You can’t deny that he’s the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, but you’ve heard the rumors.

don’t get pulled in. 

He runs a hand through his hair, flashing you a smile as he steps over to the counter.

oh jesus.

“Hi, I heard you guys make really pretty bouquets?” You nod your head silently, and he cocks his head to the side.

oh BITCH! You’re supposed to speak!

“I mean, I guess so! I’d say bouquets and flower crowns are our specialty.” Sunwoo lets out a small smile, finding you to be a lot cuter than he originally expected. “What’s the occasion?” 

Sunwoo takes a good look at you, analyzing your features as you look at him expectantly. He stares into your eyes, tilting his head when he sees how they sparkle back at him. He’s heard a lot about people holding stars in their eyes, but he never believed it.

Until now.

“Um, sir?” Sunwoo shakes his head, rubbing the back of his neck as he snaps himself out of his daze. You look down at your hands, feeling shy at the fact that you just caught Sunwoo basically checking you out. He grins at your shyness, “It’s my friend’s birthday soon, I wanted to get her something nice.” 

“Okay, well here’s a photobook of our recent bouquets we’ve made, as well as the customer favorites. My favorite flowers are daisies, but I personally like bouquets with sunflowers because,” 

Sunwoo listens attentively as you explain the different bouquets, and the meaning of the flowers added to them. He watches the way your eyes sparkle even more when you talk about something you’re passionate about, even letting out giggles when you look up at him with a bright smile on your face. 

“Well, I suppose I’ll get the sunflower bouquet you recommended to me.” You nod your head, typing in the order into the computer. “Great decision.”

“What time will it be ready tomorrow?” Sunwoo asks, leaning forward onto the counter. You find yourself scooting backwards from the close proximity, choosing to look busy with the computer. “I can have it ready by 12 pm, if that works for you?” The pretty boy nods his head, grinning at your shyness.

this will be a piece of cake, Sunwoo thinks to himself.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. My name is Kim Sunwoo by the way.” You nod your head as you type in his name for the order. Glancing up from the computer screen you see him watching you with an amused expression on his face, and you raise an eyebrow. “Is there something on my face? Shit, it might be the sparkles from that ribbon...” 

Sunwoo giggles at you, shaking his head. “No, there’s nothing on your face, yn.” You raise an eyebrow again, and he smiles. “How do you know my name?” 

He points at your nametag, and you look down at your hands, letting out a small, ah. 

i… am stupid.

“Both silly and beautiful, a great combo.” Your eyes widen at the compliment, realizing you’re about to be one of the people that Sunwoo breaks and that’s when you snap out of it. Sunwoo’s smile drops slightly when he sees you look at him with a serious expression on your face, stark contrast to the shy smile you were sporting previously.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sunwoo.” He nods his head slowly, giving you a smile before walking out of the shop. You let out a breath, leaning back onto the counter and closing your eyes.

not gonna fall for it.

“It’s been two weeks and you’re telling me she still hasn’t fallen for you yet?” Minji asks Sunwoo as they hangout by the bar. They watch Chanhee from across the club, seeing him giggling with a girl. Sunwoo takes a sip of soju, letting out a sigh as he remembers his failed attempts of asking you on a date.

“No one’s ever said no to me before, so that shit kinda hurt my ego.” Minji rolls her eyes, muttering about how you must either be blind or stupid, or both.

probably both.

“Maybe I should’ve made Chanhee do it.” Sunwoo flashes her a glare, turning away to look around the club. His thoughts keep going back to the first time you turned him down, and he chugs the rest of his soju. 

“Here’s the bouquet! I hope your friend likes them.” You tell Sunwoo with a smile, handing him the delicate yellow bouquet. He grins at the bright assortment, finding them a lot prettier than expected. He glances up at you, finding himself staring into your eyes once again as he says,

“She’ll love them, thank you.” You nod your head, typing into the computer that you’ve given the client the flowers. Sunwoo stands idle for a moment, and you look back at him, wondering why he hasn’t left yet.

“Is there something else-”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Your eyes widen, clearly taken aback by his request, before you chuckle, “No thank you.”

“Great! I’ll pick you up at- wait.” You stare at him in amusement as he fumbles over his words. “Did you say no?” 

“I did.”

“Why?” 

“I know the type of guy you are, Sunwoo.” Sunwoo’s shocked expression turns into an amused smile, and you watch as he even lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. He leans onto his elbows on the counter, staring into your eyes, “And what may that be?”

You smile, and he waits for your response. You lean onto the counter as well, watching as Sunwoo swallows from the close distance between the two of you that you initiated.

“The one that makes any girl he wants melt into putty in his hands. Then when he gets what he wants, he leaves. I’m not going to fall for it, Kim Sunwoo.” He blinks at you in shock, and you give him a sweet smile, leaning back and taking a sip of water from your water bottle.

“Have a wonderful day.” Sunwoo snaps out of his state of surprise, and lets out a deep chuckle, looking at you with a challenge to his eye. 

“I’ll prove you wrong, pretty. I’ll see you around.” 

Sunwoo scowls at the memory, and Minji lets out a sigh when she turns her head to see the crease between his eyebrows. She reaches up and rubs the area with her thumb until the frown disappears, and she gives him a smile.

“Let’s dance, hm?” Not waiting for his answer, she grabs Sunwoo’s hand and brings him onto the dance floor. They sway with each other for a few minutes, with Sunwoo clearly still thinking of you as he blindly follows Minji’s lead. She squints at how unusual Sunwoo’s being, and pats the top of his head.

“She’ll come around Sunu, they always do. When she does, remember the plan.” Minji says in an attempt to reassure him, and he bites his lip, thoughts trailing back to your smile as he says,

“She’s not like them though.”

“Sunwoo, why are you here again?” You ask boredly as you spray the daisies at the front of the shop, not even sparing him a glance. He freezes, before holding out an unopened boba, and you finally turn your head to see him looking at anything but you. “I got you the classic pearl green milk tea, I wasn’t sure what your favorite flavor was so I decided to play it safe.” 

You stare for a moment, finding it sort of endearing that he’s too shy to even glance at you right now. Deciding to be nice, you reach out and take it, feeling warmth flood your face when he finally locks eyes with you. Sunwoo wipes his original surprised expression off his face, now smiling at the fact that you took the drink. 

It’s been three weeks since Sunwoo’s ordered those flowers, and he’s visited the shop every time you're on shift. He hasn’t even bought flowers since the day he ordered the bouquet, he just comes to talk to you and help out in the shop. He keeps trying to take you out on a date, but you never give him the time of day. Your own boss has fallen for him, nudging your hip and telling you to “say yes to the handsome man already!” You’ve never heard of Sunwoo trying so hard to get with someone, let alone drag it out for three weeks. So now you’re left wondering if he genuinely does like you?

“It’s my favorite flavor, thank you.” Sunwoo lets out a sigh of relief, and the corner of your lip quirks up. You cough into your shoulder, turning around to walk back into the shop after an awkward silence settles over the two of you. He reaches out and grasps your elbow softly to stop you, and you slowly turn your head to look back at him.

“Are you going to ask me if I can go out with you again?”

“…”

“You already know my answer, Sunwoo.” 

“Give me one night.” You don’t pull away, and he takes it as a sign to continue. “Let me take you out on one date, and I’ll let you decide whether I’m the type of guy you think I am. You can leave whenever you want, I just want one chance with you.” You stare into his eyes, finding truth to his words, and you let out a sigh.

“Okay.” Sunwoo tries to fight the smile emerging onto his face, resulting in his pretty lips quivering a bit. 

“Okay.”

“… Okay.”

“I’ll see you.” Sunwoo says, turning around and beginning to walk away. You immediately frown, “You’re not going to give me your number?!” 

“Check the boba!” He yells back, and you glance at the cup to see his number written on it, along with a message.

have a good day at work, yn <3

Biting your lip to stop the warmth from rushing to your cheeks, you turn your head to look at Sunwoo’s retreating figure. A smile breaks out on your face when you see him raise his hands in the air in victory, and you feel your heart warm.

“I guess he’s serious.”

“Hey, I’m here.” Sunwoo says into his phone, and he chuckles at the numerous curses you mutter as you slip on your shoes in a hurry. “I’ll be out in a sec!” 

Hanging up the phone, Sunwoo makes sure the passenger seat is clean. He grabs his water bottle, taking a sip as you step into the car. When he swallows the water, he opens his mouth to greet you, only to pause when he lays eyes on you.

Instead of the t-shirt, jeans, and apron he always sees you in at work, you’re wearing a pleated black skirt with a white dress shirt and an oversized argyle patterned vest over it. Feeling Sunwoo’s stare on your side-profile as you buckle in your seatbelt, you turn your head and lock eyes with him, and he snaps out of his daze.

“You, uh.” He coughs into his shoulder in an attempt to hide the blush rising up his cheeks, “You look pretty.” Sunwoo muttters, and you smile shyly. 

“Thanks, you look nice too.” He chuckles, pulling out of your driveway. “Just nice?” 

“Just nice Sunwoo, don’t push my kindness.” You joke and he rolls his eyes at you. He hands you his phone for you to aux, and you smile happily as you search up a Day6 song to play. Sunwoo sneaks glances at you, and you chuckle when you notice his eyes continuing to be trained on you through your peripheral vision.

“You’re gonna get us in an accident if you keep turning your head to look at me.” He sputters, and you laugh at his reaction. He takes one more look at you as you giggle, finding the sound of your laugh a lot cuter than he should. 

“Where are we going for our date?” You ask, and he shrugs. He takes a right at the stoplight before grinning at your question. “You’ll see.”

“Oooh, so it’s a surprise?” Sunwoo doesn’t respond, instead letting out a small hum to the tune of Day6’s new song. You smile, looking out the window to take in the view of Seoul at night for the remainder of the car ride.

“So, how was the date? It’s been like three weeks since we all last hung out like this. I need updates, Sunwoo, updates.” Minji asks as she flips the brisket on the grill. Chanhee takes a cooked piece, turning to look at his friend for his response. 

Sunwoo stares at the meat quietly, a small grin appearing on his lips as he remembers how your guys’ first date ended. 

“Can’t believe you fell while we were ice skating.” You giggle, and Sunwoo lets out a whine, patting his rather sore butt. He shoots you a playful glare, to which you stick your tongue out at him as he walks you to your door. 

“At least I know I was able to make you laugh that hard on our first date.” Sunwoo jokes, and you give him a small smile. You’re surprised that tonight was so fun, it truly exceeded your expectations. The surprise location was the ice skating rink, to which you were incredibly excited for.

Sunwoo brought you there in hopes that he could teach you how to skate, but little did he know, you already knew how to. It ended up becoming a competition between the two of who could do the most intricate tricks. You won though, because Sunwoo literally ate shit when he tried to do an axle. 

“So yn, what’s your final opinion of me after tonight? Am I the type of guy you originally thought I was?” Sunwoo asks once the two of you make it to your doorstep. You stare at him for a moment, taking in his handsome features. Tonight’s date was fun, and you learned a lot more about him than you ever thought you would. He’s charming, funny, kind, and lastly, you find him to be genuine. 

As you look at Sunwoo, you let out a small breath when you come up with your verdict, and he nervously awaits your response even though he hides it well. 

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” He repeats, and you give him a big smile as you open your front door. You slip off your shoes, and turn back to look at Sunwoo.

“Have to go on a second date to come up with my opinion.” You say, closing the door before he can ask more questions.

Sunwoo stands there for a moment, letting your words process in his brain. Once it finally hits him, he lets out a smile, clapping his hands in victory. Sunwoo pumps the air, stepping off your porch and heading towards his car with newfound confidence and excitement filling his veins. 

It’s been three weeks since then, and you and Sunwoo have gone on three more “official dates.” The other times the two of you have hung out are for some reason, not considered dates, and more of you guys just bonding. Whether it be helping each other with homework, Sunwoo coming to help you at the shop, or the two of you doing late night convenience store runs to eat ramen, there’s something going on between the both of you.

Chanhee is able to sense something different as he stares at his friend, knowing that this was going to happen. Minji notices as well, considering that Sunwoo still hasn’t answered her question. She frowns at him, reaching out and slapping his arm. He jumps back, startled as he looks at his two best friends.

“You don’t like yn… right?” Minji asks, to which Sunwoo stares at her as memories of you flood his mind when he tries to come up with an answer.

He remembers the way your whole face lights up when food gets placed in front of you, and how you just let your glasses fog up when the two of you eat ramen. He’s tried to take your glasses off when you eat the hot noodle dish, but you would slap his hand away each time, giving him a smile.

“My glasses are just having a sauna, leave them be.”

Minji tilts her head to the side, and that’s when Sunwoo cracks a small smile, looking up at her. “No, I don’t like yn.”

You lay on your bed, scrolling through Twitter to try and find some cursed emoji pictures when you hear your front door unlock. Sunwoo steps in with a bucket of fried chicken, taking off his shoes and slipping into the pair of slippers you left by the door. He places the food on your kitchen counter, before walking over to your room and peeking his head inside to see you laying on your bed, not even giving him a glance.

“You know, if it wasn’t me who entered your house and instead it was some crazy serial killer, you absolutely would’ve died.” Sunwoo says, announcing his presence. You finally look away from your phone, giving him a sarcastic laugh before going back to Twitter. He scoffs, walking into your room and snatching your phone out of your hands.

“Hey!” 

You open your mouth to argue, only for Sunwoo to interrupt by saying, “Come eat first, I brought chicken.” It promptly shuts you up, and you stand up off your bed, quickly following him into the kitchen.

You let out a squeal once you see the chicken, opening up the container and taking out a piece. You take a bite, and Sunwoo watches you with a knowing grin on his face. You squint your eyes at him, pointing at the chicken to get him to eat as well. He rolls his eyes, grabbing one and taking a bite. 

The two of you spend the next half hour finishing up the chicken. With Sunwoo threatening to throw a bone at you, and you sneaking the crispy pieces of his chicken whenever he’s not looking. Once you’re both done though, you sit down on your couch, still a bit of space between the two of you.

You and Sunwoo have been hanging out for a month and a half now, him even having the spare key to your place while you have his. Sometimes he just randomly comes over to do homework on your floor which scares your roommate to death sometimes, while you sneak over to his at night to steal some of his soju when you run out. Other times you both just watch movies together or play video games. You don’t know what you guys are as neither of you have made a move to make it official.

In all honesty, all the two of you have done to progress your relationship is accidentally brush your hands together. Sunwoo’s just waiting to see if your opinion of him has officially changed, while you’re waiting for him to ask you to be his girlfriend as you are too shy to ask him. 

“Yn.” You turn your head to look at Sunwoo, eyes glazing over his handsome features. His black hair that’s usually straight is resting in slight waves on his forehead, emphasizing the overall soft look that he has going on today. “Mm?”

“Have you come up with your final opinion?” Sunwoo asks, reaching out and tucking a stray piece of hair that fell over your nose behind your ear. When you look up into his eyes and he sees the sparkle in them, his hand freezes, staying rested on your cheek. 

Your eyes slowly trail down at his pink lips, heart rate increasing when his tongue darts out to lick them. Sunwoo stares at you, feeling the tension in the room rise as he watches your eyes move back up from his mouth. His thumb brushes against your cheek, beginning to hear his heartbeat in his ears by how nervous he is. 

“Yn.”

“Sunwoo.”

“Can I kiss you?” Sunwoo watches the way your eyes sparkle up at him, finding himself to be the luckiest man in the world to see you like this. You nod your head slowly, letting out a breath, “Yeah.” 

Without wasting another second, Sunwoo leans in close and tentatively presses his lips to yours. Your hand reaches up, entangling your fingers into his hair. He pulls away, just to capture your lips again after a second of staring, slowly leaning you back until you’re laying on the couch. 

i don’t like her. i don’t like yn. Sunwoo mutters in his brain like a mantra the more he kisses you. His hand lowers to your hip, squeezing it slightly when you tug on his hair again. He hears his heartbeat in his ears, tingles in his stomach when you slightly suck on his bottom lip.

i don’t like her. this is a game. this is for minji.

“Be my girlfriend?” Sunwoo whispers against your lips in between kisses, completely ignoring what the voices in his head are saying. You pull away, looking at him with wide eyes, but his gaze is focused on your pretty swollen lips. 

“Did you just?” He glances up into your eyes, and he lets out a small smile. A giggle comes out of you, and you raise a hand to your warm face. 

“Yeah, I’ll be your girlfriend, Sunu.” Sunwoo bites his lip as a grin breaks out onto his face, before leaning back down and kissing you breathless again.

if i didn’t like her, then why do i feel like this? why do i wanna kiss her more, why do i only want to kiss her, why do i not want her kissing anyone else like this?

why does it feel like this isn’t just some game anymore?

“You’re crazy.” 

“Says the one who tried to duct tape their friend to the wall once.”

“Okay, in my defense,” You stare at Sunwoo from across the table, giving him an amused smile as you wait for him to continue. “Chanhee let me duct tape him to the wall. It was a joint effort, yn.” 

You roll your eyes, reaching out and hitting his shoulder lightly, before taking a sip of your boba. Sunwoo smiles at the sparkle in your eyes, taking note that the sunlight hitting your skin is as beautiful as the cherry blossoms blooming in the spring. 

 It’s been two months since you and Sunwoo have called it official, three and a half months since the day you guys met, and the two of you have become the talk of your guys’ university. Everyone who knows Sunwoo as the guy who never settles, has finally settled. You’re in the limelight as well, girls either being envious or worried for you, and guys nodding their head in approval at Sunwoo’s decision. 

“You’re really pretty like this.” Your eyes widen in surprise at the sudden compliment, beginning to feel shy by Sunwoo’s stare. You look down at your boba, small smile taking over your features. “Like what?”

“Happy. You look pretty when you’re happy.” Sunwoo mutters softly, eyes holding an emotion that is indecipherable to you. 

But it’s easy to read for Chanhee as he stares at the two of you from across the cafe. He shakes his head in disappointment, knowing that Sunwoo’s going to have to tell you the truth one day. Chanhee watches as Sunwoo reaches out and rests his hand over yours, a happy smile forming on his face when you make a joke. 

i haven’t seen him this happy with another girl in a long time, Chanhee thinks to himself, taking one last sip of his boba. He walks over to the front doors, throwing his cup in the trash. He takes one more glance at the two of you, now finding you excitedly telling Sunwoo a story of who knows what while the latter just stares at you with a fond smile on his face. 

All Chanhee knows is that you’re happy, and Sunwoo’s happy, but it’s going to be taken away as soon as you find out the truth. 

“Sunwoo, when are you going to end things with yn? It’s been over three months since you two became ‘official’, I’m pretty sure she’s already head over heels for you.” Minji asks from her couch. She blows on her newly painted nails, making sure they dry properly. Chanhee shoots the striped ball into the pocket, taking note of the way Sunwoo visibly stiffens after the question is asked. 

“She’s not head over heels.” Sunwoo answers, nodding his head once Chanhee misses the next striped ball. He leans down, getting ready to hit a solid. “Are you sure that’s it? Or have you forgotten our fucking plan?” 

Sunwoo pauses, turning his head to look at Minji, only to find her glaring at him. Chanhee lets out a small sigh, pulling out his phone to try and distract himself as the tension in the room rises. Sunwoo rolls his eyes, turning back towards the pool table. 

“You’re supposed to make yn fall in love with you and then break her heart so that Mark feels horrible. Did you forget that because you think she’s some good fuck?” Sunwoo slams the pool stick down on the table, actively startling Minji and Chanhee. 

“You know that yn hasn’t even mentioned Mark since I first started talking to her? He hasn’t tried to see her either, you know that? It makes me wonder why you even decided to target yn in the first place.” Sunwoo says, turning his head to see Minji’s reaction. He watches as her demeanor shifts slightly, suddenly appearing to look guilty, and he squints at her. Sunwoo pushes off the pool table and walks over to Minji so that he’s standing a few feet from her.

“And don’t you ever degrade yn to just being a good fuck again.” Minji blinks up at Sunwoo, not used to having his anger directed towards her. Her initial shock shortly turns into rage. Laughing, she stands up off the couch to stand her ground. “What a joke, you fucking fell for her didn’t you?” 

Sunwoo turns away, clenching his fists as he stares out Minji’s window. Chanhee watches from the pool table, feeling wracked by nerves as he watches his two best friends argue for the first time ever. 

“Kim Sunwoo, the man at Seoul National University who was unattainable. The one who was called cold hearted because he’d break the hearts of people left and right, has developed feelings for the pawn in our game.” Minji sneers, now staring at Sunwoo with an amused look on her face. He finally turns and stares directly down into Minji’s eyes, feeling anger flood through him. 

“And what about it?” Minji’s mouth drops open slightly, having not expected him to confess. Chanhee stares between the two of them, afraid of the tension rising in the room. “W-What?”

“I’m in love with yn. She’s witty, intelligent, funny, kind, beautiful; if you made a list of all the good traits in the ideal person then that’s yn’s description. I’m not going to play her like that, she’s no longer just a game. And I’m not going to be a pawn in your revenge plot anymore either.” Sunwoo states, before turning around to go and grab his phone. Minji reaches out and grabs his arm, but he doesn’t look back.

“You think she’s going to forgive you when she finds out?” 

The room stays silent for a moment, and Minji thinks she’s won from the way Sunwoo’s staring at the floor. Her heartbeat picks up when Sunwoo rips his arm from her grasp, turning to glance at her. 

“No, and I hope she won’t ever forgive me when she finds out. Yn deserves someone better than me. Someone who won’t blindly follow their friend and purposefully hurt a girl who didn’t do anything to be involved in this.” Sunwoo states, and Chanhee bites the inside of his cheek, looking down at the floor.

“I’m a horrible, selfish person for what I have done to yn, but I��m going to do at least one thing right and tell yn the truth, myself.” Sunwoo explains, before turning and walking towards the door, raising his hand up to grab the door handle.

“If you walk out that door, we’re no longer friends Sunwoo.” Minji threatens in one last weak attempt to get Sunwoo to stay, feeling afraid that she’s about to lose him. That she no longer has the control she once had over her best friend. 

Sunwoo stills for a moment, before grabbing the door handle and ripping the door open, shutting it directly behind him. The slam of the door echoes through the room, a sense of finality settling itself upon Minji and Chanhee.

“Fuck.” 

You hum quietly as you tend to the orchids, finding the blue ones to be incredibly pretty on this sunny day. The sound of the door chime rings throughout the shop, and you turn your head to greet the incoming customer. 

“Hi! Welcome to Bloom Bloo-”

“Yn?” Your eyes widen when you recognize your old friend, immediately breaking out into a smile as you stand up at your full height to wave at him.

“Mark! What are you doing here?” You ask as you walk over towards him, and he gives you a grin as he opens his arms and pulls you into his embrace. Your eyes widen slightly at the skinship, having briefly forgotten how Mark shows his love as you tentatively wrap your arms around him, patting his back. 

“I came to order a burger and fries, actually.” Mark answers when he pulls away, and you squint at the man, pushing him with your hand as you walk over to the register, listening to him laugh that contagious laugh of his from behind you. 

“Haha, so funny.” You say, trying to fight back the smile that’s threatening to break out onto your face. Mark catches it though, and giggles to himself. “Based on the smile you’re fighting, I can see that you hold some truth behind that statement.” 

You shake your head, turning back towards your friend and getting a good look at him. His brown hair is parted to the side, showing off his forehead and nice eyebrows. He’s wearing a brown hoodie with a black puffer jacket over it, and you purse your lips, wondering why it seems like he put in a bit more effort into his appearance. 

“Are you checking me out, yn?” Mark asks with a teasing grin, and you roll your eyes. You open your mouth to respond, only to pause when you hear a familiar voice ring through the shop. 

“You better be talking about a bouquet of flowers.” You and Mark look towards the entrance to see Sunwoo standing there, frown on his face. He squints when he locks eyes with Mark, and the brunette raises an eyebrow when he recognizes the man. 

“Sunwoo?”

“Sunu, with how much you come into the shop, you should just apply for a job here.” You joke, watching as Sunwoo’s features immediately soften slightly when he looks over at you. He lets out a small smile, shaking his head at you. 

“I wouldn’t be able to bring in as many customers as you, anyways.” Sunwoo tells you, walking over and patting your head over the counter. 

You grin, grabbing one of the daisy flower crowns you made in the morning and placing it over Sunwoo’s head. Mark glances between the two of you, and he finds himself squinting at Sunwoo when he remembers his reputation on campus.

“You two are dating?” Mark asks, and you nod your head. 

“For a bit over four months now.” Sunwoo adds, feeling his heart thump against his chest as Mark stares at him with a hint of suspicion in his gaze. The brunette simply turns back towards you, and gives you a smile.

“I’m happy for you, yn. You’ve been single for as long as I can remem-” Mark sputters when you spray him with the spray bottle full of water, and Sunwoo bites back the laugh that almost escapes him. Mark wipes his eyes and shoots you a glare, making you giggle a bit. 

“Yn! I have a date in an hour, don’t ruin my hair.” Mark whines, and you laugh, “Then don’t boast about how lonely I was!” 

A frown forms on Sunwoo’s face as he watches you and Mark begin to discuss the numerous bouquet options he can choose from for his upcoming date. The memory of Minji saying that you were the one Mark was showing interest in plays in his mind, and he bites the inside of his cheek, wondering if that was ever even true.

“Take care of those, I made that bouquet this morning!” You say, breaking Sunwoo out of his thoughts as Mark carefully takes the arrangement of flowers from your grasp. He nods his head, “Careful is my middle name.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Have fun on your date!” You tell Mark, and he smiles, nodding his head. It comes to Sunwoo’s surprise when Mark turns to him, gesturing towards the door.

“Can you get the door for me, man?” Sunwoo nods his head, walking over and pushing open the door for him. The brunette smiles, walking through the door, but stopping to quietly mutter,

“I know how your trio used to do things in high school, and I know that Minji was upset when I ended things. I only broke up with her because I learned of the type of people you guys are. This better not be one of your trio’s games, because yn doesn’t deserve that. And if it is, then end it now.” 

Sunwoo stands frozen as Mark gives him one more smile and sends a wave towards you, before walking out the door. You tilt your head at your boyfriend, wondering why he looks so guilty as he stares down at the ground.

“Sunwoo? Are you okay?” You ask, seemingly breaking him out of his daze. Sunwoo looks back towards you, giving you a smile as he walks over. “Did Mark say something? He’s always been protective, even when we were younger.” 

Sunwoo shakes his head at you, reaching out across the counter and taking ahold of your hand. You raise an eyebrow, watching as Sunwoo cups your hand within both of his. 

“What’s on your mind, Sunu?” 

“Are you free tomorrow?” Sunwoo asks instead, and you stare at him in silence for a moment. You let out a small giggle, shaking your head and reaching out with your free hand, patting the top of his head, the delicate petal of one of the daisies brushing against your wrist.

“Were you nervous about asking me on a date? That’s so cute, but yes. I should be free tomorrow.” Sunwoo gives you a smile, and you find that it doesn’t really reach his eyes as he stares at you. 

“Great. I’ll meet you at the bus stop tomorrow, okay?” Sunwoo asks, and you nod your head, warmth flooding your face as you stare at your boyfriend. Sunwoo bites the inside of his cheek from the stars in your eyes, wondering how he’ll ever be able to tell you the truth. He lets go of your hand after pressing a soft kiss to the back of it, turning and walking towards the doors, but stopping to glance back at you.

“See you, pretty.” Sunwoo tells you, and you smile at the nickname. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sunwoo!” He grins, pushing open the glass doors and walking out of the shop. 

The smile on his face falls once he’s far from the flower shop, and he takes a deep inhale of the Summer air, the daisy flower crown that’s resting over his head suddenly feeling heavy. He finds that it resembles the weight of his heart as he knows that everything’s about to be broken.

one day. i just want to spend one last day with yn.

You sit on the bench by the bus stop, waiting for Sunwoo to arrive so that the two of you can go to the aquarium. You unlock your phone to see if there’s a new message from him, only to see no new notifications. 

“I know the feeling.” You jump up, turning towards the sudden voice to find a pretty girl standing beside you. Her brown hair falls in waves down her shoulders, and she’s wearing an off the shoulder floral top paired with a beige skirt. You tilt your head to the side, finding her rather familiar.

“Hi yn, I’m Minji. Sunwoo’s friend.” She introduces, and you have to stop yourself from letting out an ohhh because now you recognize her. “Oh, hi Minji.” You reach out and shake her hand, giving her a smile. 

“Are you waiting for the bus?” You ask, and she shakes her head, letting out a small laugh. “I drove. In all honesty, I came to pick you up.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise, having no clue as to where you’d even go since you haven’t met Minji before. She gives you a smile, “Sunwoo told me to come get you because he’s running a bit late due to Chanhee being silly, per usual. He said he’ll come pick you up at my house.” 

“He did?” 

“You don’t believe me?” You immediately raise your hands up to tell her you didn’t mean to imply that she’s a liar, but Minji stops you right away while giggling at your antics. “I was kidding yn, don’t worry. Now, do you want to come hangout at my house or do you want to wait here by the bus stop?” 

You stare at her for a moment, before letting out a small smile. “I think there’s an obvious answer in that question.” 

“Wow! Your house is so nice.” You state as you stare in awe at all the beautiful artworks put on display. Minji waves her hand at you, telling you not to flatter her so much. You follow her up to her room, still looking around with child-like fascination.

damn, this almost makes me feel bad. she’s kinda sweet. Minji thinks to herself as the two of you finally make it up to her room. She places her bag down by her bed, removing the earrings from her ears. You stand shyly by the door, unsure of where to sit, or if you’re even allowed to sit. Minji turns towards you with a grin on her face. 

“You can sit over there, yn.” She tells you, pointing over towards the small couch in the corner by her desk. You nod, walking over to go and sit down, only to pause once you see a corkboard laying over the wooden surface. 

“I’m going to use the restroom, be right back.” Minji announces, a smile on her face when she sees you staring at the board. She walks out of the room, pulling her phone out of her pocket to call Sunwoo. 

“What?” Sunwoo answers as he heads towards the bus stop where you’re waiting. He lets out a soft smile down at the lavender daisies he bought on his way, planning to surprise you with them since they’re your favorite flower. He remembers the small box in his room, a gift he plans to give you after you guys get back from the aquarium. “Just wanted to let you know that you should probably turn around and head over to my house.” 

Your hand slowly lifts up the board, tears filling your eyes. 

“Why?” Sunwoo pauses when he doesn’t see you sitting at the bench the two of you agreed to meet at. He lowers the flowers once he realizes what Minji means, cursing to himself before turning around and beginning to sprint. 

“Have a nice run.” Minji says cheerfully, hanging up the phone and placing it onto the bathroom counter. She smiles, walking into the bathroom to splash water onto her face in an attempt to wash away the small feeling of regret.

You stare at the photos of you taken from your social media, gaze following the red line that lands on different notes with the names of the places you work and hangout at. Your heart shatters as you read the instructions on what to do when Sunwoo meets each new step with you. Your eyes land on the very last note, and it takes everything in you to not crumple onto the floor.

break her heart.

The feeling of wanting to vomit builds up in your throat, the realization that you were just a pawn in their sick game slamming into you like a train. That you fucking fell for it, you fell for him. You drop the board, stepping away from it as if it’s cursed. You quickly leave the room, dashing down the steps and running out the door. Minji watches from upstairs, letting out a sigh once you slam the door shut. 

The tears blur your vision as you run off her property, trying to get as far away as you can. You slam straight into a hard chest, stumbling backwards that their hands have to reach out and grasp your arms so that you don’t fall. You wipe away your tears with the back of your hands, opening your mouth to apologize, only to stop when you realize who helped you.

Sunwoo stares back at you, sweat dripping down his face from running, purple daisies on the ground beside him, now missing multiple petals. You rip your arms out of his grasp, feeling a sob bubble up in your chest as the two of you stare at each other in silence. 

“Yn, I-”

“Don’t. Just. Stay away from me.” You state, attempting to walk around him, only for him to stop you. 

“Yn, please. Let me explain. I can tell you everything, please just-”

“Explain what? That you used me for your revenge plot? That you strung me along for months when I had nothing to do with what happened between Mark and Minji? That you just think of me as some fucking joke?” Sunwoo shakes his head, grasping your arms to try and plead with you. The sob finally breaks out, and you reach up to cover your face. “God, no. Yn, you’re not a joke. You could never be a joke. I never meant for it to get this far. It was all a plan at first but then I got to know you and I fell in l-”

“S-Save it. I don’t want to hear anymore lies.” You mutter, and Sunwoo’s eyes begin to water when you remove his hands from your arms. You stare at him, tears continuing to fall from your eyes as you do so, wondering how you let this happen.

how you let yourself fall for him.

“I-I just wanted one more day. One more day with you, and I was going to tell you everything.” Sunwoo chokes out, hands shaking by his sides as he waits for a response. After a moment of silence, he tentatively reaches up to try and rest his hand on your cheek, “Please, yn. Let me explain-”

“How come I have to get punished just because I love you?”

Sunwoo pauses, staring into your pained eyes as his hand slowly lowers back down to his side. The sparkle that he was so used to, now replaced with the glassiness from your tears. You wipe away the wetness on your cheeks, realizing you confessed that you love him for the first time.

How unfortunate. 

With that, you turn around and walk away from him, not looking back. Sunwoo watches your figure shrink until you’re out of sight, and he drops to his knees, tears finally streaming down his face. He rests his face onto his arm, crying loudly as his heart completely shatters from what he ruined. While Minji watches from her gate, gulping down the feeling of guilt as she stares at her best friend experiencing heartbreak for the first time.

“I hope you’re eating well and taking care of yourself. I-” Sunwoo says into the phone as he stares up at his ceiling. Chanhee stares at him from his doorway, feeling sad for his best friend. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sunwoo mutters, ending the call before the voicemail can catch the sound of him crying. He places his phone beside him, covering his face with his hands to try and muffle his sobs. 

It’s been three weeks since you found out the truth, and Sunwoo’s been calling you everyday since then. He’s refused to leave his room unless it’s to use the restroom or grab food. Other than that, he rots in his bed all day, the feeling of regret and resentment towards himself flooding his veins. 

That and soju, lots of soju.

“Sunu, do you want me to bring in the dinner I made?” Chanhee asks, and Sunwoo doesn’t answer, turning over in bed and covering his face with a pillow instead. “You need to eat.” 

Sunwoo just curls up even more, closing his eyes as more tears escape. Chanhee lets out a small sigh, walking out to go and grab the food anyways. He lifts up the tray, carefully stepping back into Sunwoo’s room and placing it on his desk. 

“It’s there if you need it.” Chanhee says softly, before closing the door. 

While you, you’ve also been laying in bed for the past three weeks. Currently you’re listening to the last voicemail Sunwoo left you, crying as you hear his voice shake towards the end when he apologizes. You turn over, clutching your pillow tightly against your chest as you sob. Your roommate looks at your closed door, concern written all over their features as they hear your loud cries. 

You haven’t been to work as you called in sick. Your manager understands, having heard from your roommate that you’re not in the best mental state. All you’ve done is eat, sleep, and sit in the shower for hours at a time, just letting the water run over you. 

While Sunwoo has hurt you deeply, you can’t help but miss him. You yearn to hear out his side, try and be understanding, try again, but then you remind yourself that you were just a game.

just a game.

“Hi, is yn home?” Your roommate points towards your room. “Be careful though, she hasn’t really left her room for the past month.” 

Chanhee gives her an understanding nod, knowing that Sunwoo’s doing the same thing. He slips off his shoes, before walking over to your door and knocking softly on the surface. You turn your head, muttering for them to come in, expecting your roommate. Your eyes widen when the door opens and you recognize Chanhee, Sunwoo’s best friend. You sit up, clutching the pillow tightly.

“What are you doing here?” Chanhee tentatively reaches his hands out, handing you a bag. You raise an eyebrow, taking it from him and looking inside. You let out a breath when you see a jewelry box. You lift it out of the bag, slowly opening it and biting back another sob when you lay eyes on the necklace.

“He was going to give it to you the day you guys were supposed to go to the aquarium, as a way to tell you he loves you, and that he’s sorry.” Chanhee explains, and you stare at the way the light reflects against the daisy pendant of the necklace. 

“I know you might not want to hear this at all, but I’ve never seen Sunwoo pine after someone, let alone fall in love with one. Yet, I saw both of those things happen with you.” You slowly look up at Chanhee, who’s giving you a small, hopeful smile. “I know what he did was shitty, I tried to stop them from including you in the plan in general. I just, I’ve seen how you’ve changed him for the better. I know Sunwoo, and I know that he really regrets what he did. He wouldn’t be calling and texting you everyday if he didn’t. He doesn’t even text me, honestly.” 

You look at the necklace, feeling sad, but somehow a bit better, more reassured. You glance back up at Chanhee, giving him a nod. “Thank you Chanhee.” 

He gives you a smile, “Of course. Anything for your guys’ happiness.” 

It’s been a month and a half since everything happened, and you’re finally leaving your room. It’s not much in your eyes, but your roommate was ecstatic about it, even though it’s just a trip to the convenience store. It’s also quite literally two am, but they said, any outside air is good air! You trudge over in your grey sweats and oversized black sweater, lifting up your glasses to rub your eye with the back of your hand. 

Once you’re at the convenience store, you head straight towards the ramyun, grabbing the eight pack and walking out of the aisle. You step over to the register, pulling out your card to pay for it. The chime of the door opening grabs your attention, and you tiredly look up, only to freeze when you lock eyes with Sunwoo.

He doesn’t look any better, bags prominent under his eyes, black t-shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders. However, you still see him as the most handsome guy you’ve ever seen. Shock is evident on his features as he stares at you, unsure of what to do. Sunwoo’s eyes trail down when something flickers at him, seeing the daisy pendant glimmer back at him from the light. He opens his mouth to say something, only for you to turn back towards the cashier once they hand you the bag of ramyun and your receipt. 

Sunwoo clenches his fist, walking over towards the aisle where the soju is. You let out a shaky sigh, turning your head to look at his retreating figure, debating on following after him. After a moment, you shake your head, choosing to walk out of the store sadly. 

Sunwoo stares at the box of soju for a moment after hearing the bells, signaling you left the store. He bites the inside of his cheek, having an internal battle with himself.

What if she doesn’t even wanna talk to me? She hasn’t answered my calls or texts for the last month and a half, that means she hates me. 

I have no chance, she’ll never forgive me. 

She shouldn’t forgive me for what I did.

I miss her.

Fuck. 

Sunwoo immediately turns around and runs towards the door, forcefully shoving it open and feeling the cool night air hit him. He’s about to rush in the direction of your house, but immediately stops when he sees you waiting right there, sitting on the steps, your bag of ramyun placed beside you. You slowly turn your head, looking up at Sunwoo. 

“Yn.” 

“Sunwoo.” 

The two of you stare in silence again, and you break it by patting the empty space beside you. 

“I don’t think anyone will come to the shop in awhile, it’s literally two am.” You say, and Sunwoo lets out a breathless chuckle. He takes another step before sitting down beside you, and that’s when you both fall into another silence. Except this time it’s more comforting, being with each other after yearning for so long but knowing it was best to stay away.

“You look like shit.” You state, effectively breaking the silence, and Sunwoo glances at you, a grin gracing his features. He turns away, shaking his head and looking up towards the stars. “I know.” 

You follow suit, staring up at the stars as well. A small smile appears on your face after a moment, and you turn your head to look at Sunwoo, only to realize he’s already staring at you. He lets out a content sigh, finding the stars slowly making their way back into your eyes. You turn away once you feel the warmth rush up to your cheeks, choosing to look at the parked car in front of the two of you. He looks back up towards the stars, trying to find which one shines the brightest.

Sunwoo comes to the conclusion that you shine brighter than the billions of stars in the sky as he does so.

“I’m sorry.” Sunwoo says after a moment, the sound of resentment present in his voice, and you let out a breath. 

“I know.” 

The two of you sit in silence, staring at your surroundings. A tear slips past your eye, and you wipe it away with your sweater paw. You wrap your arms around your knees, hugging them close to your chest as you stare at the empty road.

“I missed you, Sunwoo.” Sunwoo harshly bites the inside of his cheek, tears falling past his eyes as he continues to stare up at the night sky. 

“I missed you too, yn.” 

You let out a shaky breath after a moment, before leaning over and resting your head on Sunwoo’s shoulder. He freezes slightly at the contact, but relaxes. After a moment, he lays his head over yours, and that’s when you both know you’ll be okay. 

we’ll be okay.