#i have a feeling i know what ppl will mostly want me to focus on and all but

[mejomonster]

Horrified to say I may just try an experimental writing style for me and see how it fucking goes

But I really hate rewriting in a different way later ;-;

But I also just. Really want these scenes written down, physically existing instead of just in my brain. However they come written out, at least they'd BE WRITTEN

[orcelito]

OK you know what I haven't been doing enough with the fact that I have polls now Uhhhh uhh

Genuine Inquiry I guess if u wanna try to influence what my brain focuses on hfkshf

[hamliet]

hello hamliet, love your meta analysis and they always show me a different perspective. Would love to know your opinion on seperating the art from the artist, if it is possible and if so how to go about it?

A few principles:

Not everyone will reach the same conclusion about whether they are able to separate the artist and art, and that's okay. I can't listen to Michael Jackson. I know people who can. I do not judge them.

That said I guarantee you everyone does this separation for something, so don't throw stones.

Being able to separate it doesn't mean someone endorses an issue. I don't think people who listen to MJ are CSA apologists. Learn to separate what art resonates with people from their own personal morals.

Don't deny what the creator has done. I can't deny that JK Rowling is a toxic transphobe who seems dead set on destroying trans' peoples lives and I want her stopped. Or that Charles Dickens tried to have his wife locked up in an insane asylum to cover up his affair.

Don't fight against justice for the creator. Sorry, JK, but I hope Imane Khelif who is not even trans ends up taking you to the cleaners in court. I want her harmful rhetoric to be stopped. It'd be nice if she changed her mind and repented . Take your own advice JK about how remorse is the only way to put a torn soul back together, but it hurts terribly. But I'm not holding my breath and in the meantime transphobia needs to be stopped.

Competing needs are a thing. Sorry, I have never read a series that addresses losing a parent in the same way Harry Potter does. I have read other series' about this. I've never read one that resonates the same way. I love the series but I do acknowledge the author is actively harming people and make efforts to combat transphobia in my own life.

Be sensitive to the fact that people may feel differently. I'm not going to recommend Harry Potter to someone who is transgender or tell someone they absolutely should read it and must separate author from art. They don't have to. There are some things I can't separate.

Don't deny privilege playing a role in what you can separate and what you can't. It does, because we all have different lives and different triggers, and it's good to check privilege. But life is also really short. Live in the tension. Don't try to ignore it or deny it away.

Have those discussions that are uncomfortable.

No ethical consumption exists under capitalism. I've been mostly boycotting Nestle for... thirteen years now? But I don't think everyone who consumes Nestle is intending to say "oh well" to child slaves in Africa. These children matter just as much as trans children, don't they?

Learn everything about something and something about everything, to quote a professor I once had. Care about everything. Focus all your efforts on one or two causes. You can't save the world but you can help save something.

Acknowledge the reality that humans are contradictory. I think HP as a story has the opposite thematic message to a lot of her current rhetoric. Which isn’t to say it’s perfect.

Don’t fall prey to the stupidity of suddenly denying that art is good bc the author or singer is evil. Every time I see ppl trot out the Ursula Leguin quote on HP I lose brain cells because it is empathically clear that people taking that as some kind of prescient insight have never understood Leguin’s books nor HP nor the complexity and contradictoriness of humanity.

Which also isn’t to say it’s wrong to notice problematic elements in said works that may relate to the issue or may be unrelated. Do critique.

[fumifooms]

Marchil crumbs Part 4

Part 1 - Part 2 - part 3 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7

Broskis remember when while madly blushing Chilchuck said he’d introduce his family to Marcille, and she madly blushed back thinking she really really wanted to meet them. Marchil W today

Dreams do come true girl!!

The full double page spread has the rest of the Laios party at the table too but i think having the whole picture distracts from the one just this section tells. Marcille is so happy to finally meet them!! Flushing with joy and awe! And chilchuck flushing right back with self-consciousness!!! Desperately trying to keep it casual. Tsundere man probably going "Ok so... This is Marcille my ex-coworker, and here are my daughters... She was really looking forward to meeting you guys but don’t read too much into it girls". The daughters being all dressed up and Puckpatti even bringing flowers and correcting Meijack hehe <3 I know it's because they're at the castle but omg, meeting the extended family energy. You knowww Marcille is gonna ask them so many questions, and try and get to know them…

Also I have remembered TODAY that Marcille has a stepdad… She prob has so many thoughts on being a stepmom then. Leaving it open as to what that could mean for marchil. She certainly acts enthusiastic about families and kids so doesn’t seem like there’s a complex there at least~

How it all started… Not very shippy I just think it’s funny and easy to miss. Her curiosity is PIQUED and what she thought she knew about Chilchuck is shattered. The bicorn chapter is really not long after this one so she must have thought so hard about how his home dynamic was like if she cooked up that ‘if I was Chilchuck’s wife’ rp so soon after & so effortlessly

Hm, you know how snooping into ppl’s personal lives is Marcille’s thing?? Isn’t that like… Not that true outside of Chilchuck though? Like, she never asked about Senshi’s backstory or really asked much of Laios either. We do see her asking their types in romance for example, but from remembrance that’s sort of where it ends. So she concentrates her focus on the nut toughest to crack, the most private and mysterious party member huh (no not Senshi obviously, Chilchuck!!)… Little ‘puzzle to crack’ guy, ‘resistant to being known deeper’ guy. I’m not over how she was salty that he opened up to Senshi more than with her lol

I think I’ve talked about it in the previous crumbs part but I think the bircorn chapter truly is the marchil chapter, and I wanna point out how Chilchuck reallyyyy fell from her esteem because "he cheated on his wife", leading to her being snippy with him during the chapter, BUT when push comes to shove she still hurried to his aid and worried for him and all. This might sound surprising, but I really like this! I think it’s great that Marcille wouldn’t coddle him if he fucked up and showed him a taste of consequences™️, but also not dropping him fully y’know, sticking through thick and thin even if she would not let shit fly. Seems like a healthy sort of devotion or companionship to me! Also her arc through the manga with Chilchuck is warping who he really is with idealization or preconceived notions mostly with his age and whatnot, so this feels like an important turning point of assessing him coldly as an adult who is not innocent at all… Before going right back to seeing him favorably and idealizing him as a great virtuous husband heh. It’s ok he’s harsh on himself he needs at least one person that believes in him hardcore let’s go <3 I’m going into really debatable grounds about morality and healthy vs unhealthy behavior lmao but yeah!! He recovered in her esteem, but she will not just give up on and leave behind this cringefail ass of a man even if he digs his hole so deep and so hard. He already got divorced once his partner would need some… Strong determination~ More on that right away

Which, what is this "I don’t want to look incompetent and I’ll even claim I’ve done things that make me look terrible to avoid it" because uuuuh, they both do it

Let's finally dig into the shapeshifters chapter! Lots of fun stuff to observe in there. Let's start with Marcille's side. There’s how, of course, Chilchuck's shapeshifter of her has her with sparkly hair with detailled shading, and how the reason she got eleminated was because of the spells in her spellbook don't match at all; Which means that personality wise, she was pretty convincing! We don't see just how well Chilchuck's vision of her match though since it didn't get much far. As we see with Laios’ shapeshifter clones, having an accurate shapeshifter is harder than one could think!

Easier to miss and more interesting though!! "It seems like Marcille B has awfully weak determination hmmm" implying Chilchuck thinks Marcille has a strong will. I think it’s especially telling when hand in hand with Chilchuck in an early chapter going "Oops not good I missed [that taking dead Kabru’s party’s wet food wasn’t the best moral decision], that’s Marcille for you." and such, where it seems like Chil sees her as someone who has strong convictions and admires/relies on her for it in some ways.

Funnily enough Chilchuck’s not the only one being flattering about the other's hair, because Marcille's shapeshifter of him's hair is... Fluffier? Throughout the whole chapter too so not just a one-off or a coincidence. Tempting to pat and carress perhaps? It's confirmed to be her shapeshifter of him with the page about it in the adventurer's bible, and it's the one that gets the furthest in the elimination! The lockpicking tools are, surprisingly, convincing enough, and the attitude is also convincing if not for the true Chilchuck being "nastier" lmao. It's idealization due to the fact she has a hard time stopping thinking of him as young, but in a way she both knows him well enough to be very convincing and idealizes him as being nicer than he actually is, not the worst I’ll take it. "Our Chilchuck is a lot nicer! 🥰" help

Have some more of Marcille praising Chilchuck

Defending her honor part 2

Ok now look at the Nightmares extra… Chilchuck would watch her series with her!! He enjoys her type of stories!! They’re on the same page even about plot points and the emotions each scenes inspire!! They would chat during watch parties!! Also this is something Marcille conjured up in her dreams so like, tbh very impressive. Chilchuck enjoying Marcille’s dream fiction isn’t something I ever expected but it sure happened

This is what a movie date would look like

I now declare lasagna the marchil dish. Seriously though I’m so curious as to what else Chilchuck’s pastas could be here. She’s fantasy italian it works out

What is that look Chilchuck… Is this life advice, love advice or what. Like it’s not just me he’s being a little suggestive right, he’s drawing a comparison to womanizers right- Okok so you, Chilchuck, say exactly what reward you want, so that makes you trustworthy ok got it. Lesson learned and she respects his professional boundaries & reassures him so he doesn’t feel as self-conscious/judged from then on.

Being on the same page and acting in perfect synchrony part 566

Looking out for the other part 307, featuring them panicking out of their minds lol (Chil is better at stress management it seems)

& Keeping the other in check part 255

I truly love how casually they treat dungeon lord Marcille. You may be under mind corruption magic and a boundless beacon of destruction at your whims right not but you’re still our cringefail Marcille and we need to look after you

Look at his smug-ass face at having successfully comforted and soothed her in the team effort

What’chu looking at loverboy. What’s up, is her face too close to you for your comfort?

Alright part 5 presumably NOT coming soon, i finally ran out of stuff to put on these hehe. Maybe the anime is gonna change that though

… And then the anime arrived and I already have stuff for a part 5. See you soon!!

part 5 is here broskis

[ssalballoon]

i wanna get better at art but dont know how to start ^^' whats a good way to get into studying anatomy and improving as an artist? tysm 💗 love your art soso much

more art converts 😼 yay!!

i think these asks were sent by different people but they're pretty related + a lot of my advice is the same! so i'll answer these together under the cut (it's so long oh gosh)

ok first of all i'm very flattered that people are asking me for art advice but i'm really not the most equipped person to ask TTOTT I've never been deliberately studious with my art so I feel bad offering advice when I've mostly gotten by with just drawing fanart and ocs a lot... my rate of improvement has therefore been slow, but I've still had an enjoyable learning experience so perhaps from that angle my input may help! i'll mainly refer you to external resources that have helped me

For anatomy + drawing humans:

1) I know I'm not diligent enough to sit down and study muscles, so instead I make it more enjoyable by drawing my favorite characters in a pose that targets the muscles I want to practice! (i default to drawing ppl naked because of this lol) This isn't the most efficient, but it serves as good motivation to get practice in. (honestly a lot of my general art advice has the undercurrent of becoming so obsessed with characters to drive your motivation to draw even when artblocked/ struggling with doubts!)

2) I want to refer you to Sinix's Anatomy playlist! Although Sinix focuses more on digital painting, he gives simplified anatomy breakdowns that include how muscles change shape under different movements/poses, which is crucial for natural human posing. the static anatomy diagrams from Google don't really help for that

3) What's just as important as anatomy is gestures! (especially important if you're used to drawing non-human objects I think!) Making figures look like they have flow to them will sell the "naturalness"(?) to your anatomy. If you have in person life drawing sessions accessible near you I'd recommend trying those out, or if you prefer trying it digitally there's this website!

This helps you not only get a sense of human proportions, but also natural posing! I'd limit the time taken to draw the poses from like 10 seconds to 1 minute(?) for quick gestures, and maybe 1 minute to 5mins(for now!! typically they go much longer) to study human proportions. I'd say don't spend a lot of time on them, repetition is more important!

4) I've also picked up on useful anatomy tidbits from artists online! Looking at how practiced/ professional artists stylize a body helps me focus on what the essential details are to convey a particular form (looking up "human muscles" and being hit with anatomy diagrams full of all the smallest details can be overwhelming! what do you even focus on?! so these educated simplifications really help me) Like Emilio Dekure's work! Look how simplified these figures are, and yet contain all the essential information to convey the sense of accurate form (even though it's highly exaggerated!)

(shamefully admits I've never studied from actual anatomy books so I can't recommend anything in that sense TTOTT)

For general improvement:

1) I highly recommend Sinix's Design Theory playlist and Paintover Pals! (+ his channel in general) You don't have to put them immediately into practice, but I think these are good fundamental lessons to just listen to and have them in the back of your mind to revisit another day. Plus these videos are just fun and very approachable! Design theory fundamentals are essential to creating appeal and directing a viewer's attention, and critiquing others' work/ seeing his suggestions are a good way to practice noticing areas of improvement+ solutions yourself!

2) If you prefer a more formal teaching resource, the Drawabox YouTube course covers all the basic fundamentals of drawing in short lessons. But honestly if I were starting out, this would be a little intimidating for me (and even now it still is! I haven't done all of them) But even if you don't watch them, the titles should give you an idea of the basic concepts that are valuable to pick up. I think it would be nice to keep in mind and revisit once in a while as you learn!

(One lesson I do encourage you to watch is the line control one! A confident continuous line conveys motion and flow much better compared to discontinuous frayed lines which I think is good to practice early by drawing from the wrist and shoulder)

3) As a universal piece of advice: Please please please use references! Use a reference for literally everything, observing is how we learn! You'll find that a lot of things you thought you knew what they looked like are inaccurate by memory alone. Also, trace! This is solely for your practice, tracing then freehanding has helped me grasp proportions when I was struggling! (of course don't post these online if you traced from art)

I've found that being able to compile references into easy to access boards has been very helpful in encouraging me to use references more. For PC, I think they use PureRef (free/pay what you want), and for iPad I use VizRef. VizRef is a one time purchase (which was definitely worth the $3.99 USD price imo)

4) On that note, try building up the habit to observe from media + real life and make purposeful comments about what you see! Like hey, when I bend my knee, the muscles/fat in my thighs and calves bulge outwards, I should draw that next time. Purposeful observation carries over to your overall visual library, and it's a little thing that adds up over time

5) For motivation, get into media you really enjoy, or make your own characters! The way I started art more seriously was by drawing fanart + OCs from anime that I liked ^^ For OCs it really encourages you to draw more because you're the primary creator of their art! Also you gotta see a lot of good art to make good art! Watching visually appealing media (like animation with appealing stylization/simplification) can passively help you learn just by observation.

ok wow I could go on but this is already a lot of information TTOTT my main aim for this reply is basically: don't let anything discourage you from learning to draw!! drawing is so fun and brings me a lot of joy ^^ practicing often will of course help you improve, and the way to incentivize that is by having fun with it! i hope this could help!💞

[royalbilliards]

i would LOVE to hear your opinion on maruki's therapy bc i see a lot of ppl saying he sucked as a therapist and i've never seen one so i can't really say anything with certainty...... but idk, i want joker to have at least an okay therapist just because it's a nice touch. also i think it's more satisfying narratively when maruki is someone joker can lean on for support and get attached to, but then has to oppose because shitty actualization. idk. pathetic wet man makes me go brrrrrr

Welcome to the autism zone.

So a lot of my thoughts on maruki’s therapy comes from my own experiences with a therapist in the past (I’m trying to get a new one right now) but. A lot of what Maruki’s ‘confidant perks’ and what they’re called suggest he’s giving Joker treatment for anxiety and depression, which makes a lot of sense given the way he acts in public outside of the joker persona, and the situation he’s in at Shujin (being bullied, for lack of a better term because it’s 5 am and I just woke up, and ostracised due to Kamoshida spilling his criminal record).

Practices like mindfulness and wakefulness sound like bullshit when you first have to start them, mostly because of the names, but the practices themselves are grounding techniques, being able to be present in your body, aware of your surroundings, and not letting yourself spiral via panic or depression and stuff. Detox is a term for drug addiction and alcoholism rehab, they’re not exactly practices we know Joker needs help with, but they’re most likely preventative measures, so that he doesn’t go Down those paths BECAUSE of his situation, which honestly makes sense, depression, anxiety, bullying from peers and the rest of it, including his criminal record and the way Japan treats students with criminal records, it makes sense that Joker could have easily gone down those routes if he didn’t have his friends and the metaverse to blow off steam and have an outlet for his emotions that he isn’t allowed to have in his day to day life. Flow is also a form of therapy treatment for handling depression, and mostly focus’ on capturing moments of positive mental states and allowing yourself to be completely focused and involved in Enjoyable activities that make you happy.

Because all of these therapy treatments that we get named from his confidant perks are Real therapy treatments that both Work and are widely used to treat specific mental health problems (Depression, Anxiety and Self-worth) we get both an insight into how Joker is actually feeling about things outside of what he shows and how useful these techniques are in his actual day to day life, because he’s using them to handle stressful situations in the metaverse.

There’s also the fact that Before everything, and AFTER everything, Joker doesn’t seem to hold much animosity towards Maruki, yes Akechi does and he’s Totally allowed to hate him, but neither Yoshizawa or Joker do, when Yoshizawa is more than justified in being angry and frustrated with him. And it might just be due to the abysmal lack of characterisation Yoshizawa gets, but mostly she seems like she too, like Joker, WANTS to help him, because we know that Maruki himself struggles with Self-worth problems, delusions of grandeur, a messiah complex (in both definitions of the term) anxiety and depression (along with a few other spicier things I don’t feel like mentioning because I’d need to bring up the psa’s on how demonised disorders need to be treated with respect since no one can do that on the internet). But there doesn’t seem to Be animosity between the three of them. Mostly just worry about someone they both cared about, and trusted.

There’s also the fact that, Jokers interactions with Maruki do not End After you help him with his research, we’re just cut off from the interaction at that point, because Joker in canon is explaining to Sae other more important things, he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell her the confidential therapy treatment he’s receiving at school. Their interaction continues, we get a fade to black, so it’s obvious he is getting actual therapy treatment, but Maruki has probably picked up on Jokers earth shattering savior complex and is easing him into the idea of therapeutic treatment by having him assist in his research, so Joker is more inclined to accept the help, since it’s a Transaction to Joker. If Maruki had more time to be Jokers therapist, and I assume he would have at some point Offered to continue his work as Jokers therapist after his tenure at Shujin ending, he would have eventually been able to work on that with Joker, and weaned him off Needing to help people all the time, and viewing social interactions as a transactional thing.

Anyways, yeah, I don’t think Maruki is a bad therapist outside of the horrors, I think people just don’t think about it because it isn’t spoon fed to them in a social link interaction, which is where the assumption that he’s Only using Joker as a sounding board comes from. But what would I know I just did media studies and have a special interest in analysing media, SHRUG

[ear-motif]

just out of curiosity, why do you feel Will is trans? like how does that concept look in your head?? (i dont feel he is canonically trans but so many of his themes align with that concept and it makes my heart happy) i'm very open about the subject, just wanna hear your thoughts!!

oughh i love having thoughts thank you so much.

he is not canonically trans, point blank. but god damn if this show was just a little but cooler he would be. inane ramblings below

it started as a selfish projection of myself onto him, because I immediately related to his awkward accidental sincerity and difficulty relating to the Normals. I even have a similar cadence to my voice when I’m being snarky (which people notice and is extremely embarrassing). lets hope i have a hot glow up cause so far I mostly relate to s1 will (sad!). And because I’m gendersomething I’m like lit ok hes trans bc I said so.

But will’s whole inner world and turmoil makes sense to me when seen through the lens of my experience with gender and mental illness (tho ill focus on the gender for now). feeling like there’s a dark, awful part of yourself that’s constantly being taunted at and goaded into taking over. but your normie friends say that you’re a good person for repressing it, for doing whats useful while resisting what you crave. sven if that’s not what they say, it’s what they mean, and it’s what you’ve been implicitly taught your whole life. [for will, i think allegorically speaking its less his “murderous tendencies” that he has to resist, but gaining an antisocial perspective based on his empathy. growing above morality through his intimate experience with death and killers. that would make a man like will very dangerous, not only for individuals but potentially for his entire community. idk wanted to clear that up im normal about will graham]. obviously thats not what everyone or even most queer ppl’s experience with gender is like, but it is for me. yes im making it sound like i have a transgendered Venom Symbiote Guy hiding in my bones but like. maybe i do you dont know

i feel like this is a crappy answer but thats honestly why im like yea willard graham transgendered…and then the writers like to taunt me by making one of his defining drives his drive to be a father which is mean bc I too need to be a caregiver while maintaining my masculine identity so RUDE. and then setting up how that goal is only pushed further from him by his involvement with hannibal by making mason assault margot and sterilize her, killing their child and leaving her with an abdominal scar. and then having hannibal kill abigail, effectively killing their child and leaving will with an abdominal scar. and from what i know abt s3, he doesnt bond with wally like he does with abigail; hannibal essentially stole his capacity for fatherhood like mason stole margot’s capacity for motherhood (except she wins cuz she and alana have a kid right?) fuck this doesnt relate to gender anymore OK IM DONE I SAID MY PIECE IM SO SORRY

[clarabowmp3]

I am not particularly on that anons side but I have to agree that Joe has no right to call what Travis does on his gfs tour as 'tacky and distasteful'.

To me, that is low and makes him look bitter and pathetic which is what a certain segment of the Swift fandom disliked about him. His comments were embarrassing, I'm sorry.

Joe was already excluded from the narrative and as you rightfully point out: the focus shifted to Matty so who cares what Taylor or Travis do? And its certainly none of his business. Besides, she's a global popstar putting on a show. Also, if he really thought he had privacy in a public changing room, he's much dumber than I thought.

I mean can we not give the man a break? Must he do his utmost best to keep conversations he has in public secret? Let’s say he was overheard while chatting with a friend at a cafe. Or maybe on a bus. Or maybe at a theatre. Would you say that it’s his fault for not whispering? Maybe he should learn sign language or Morse code. Because even then what if someone hears him whispering, or someone knows sign language etc etc like at which point do we say that he has taken sufficient precautions to ensure privacy? Can we not let him live his life fairly normally 😭😭😭

And I’m sorry but I rlly don’t like your last statement, it sounds a lot like victim-blaming. I think it would be too far-fetched to suggest that he wanted to be overheard on purpose (I’m sure he’s well aware this would not help his case), so why are you blaming him from something that was out of his control? It could also be that he has had similar conversations in similar settings that didn’t get overheard, or no one cared about it, so he probably wasn’t expecting this. Think about if it was taylor instead of him. Would ppl be calling her dumb or would they be clamouring about how privacy is dead etc?

I agree that a public changing room isn’t the most private place, but I feel like a lot of us overhear snippets of other people’s conversations over the day and we just forget about it. Granted, Joe isn’t just a random guy on the street so I get why there’s more interest in what he said but he still did nothing wrong.

my main point is anyone can do anything. literally. Even joe alwyn. For example (this is a topic for another day) taylor swift can release as many ttpd variants whenever she wants. She can rip matty to shreds across a 31-song album. Even before ttpd she wrote whatever she wanted about her exes. And that’s fine (mostly)!

Even if it wasn’t joes business (which it is as a recent ex), taylor/swifties have pretty much made it everyone’s business by how much they keep playing up and encouraging the public spectacle that their relationship has become. Think of it this way - some ppl find their displays adorable, some find it repulsive. Are you going to tell them to back off and that it’s not their business? Why is it the whole world’s business except Joe alwyn (are we putting him in timeout or smth 😭😭)? Taylor can do whatever she wants with Travis, Joe is allowed to feel however he wants about it. Taylor is also allowed to feel however she wants about Joe’s next partner etc.

Like I said in another ask, even though public attention has shifted to Matty, Joe is still a guy getting over a 6-year long relationship + the hate that has been piled on him by swifties + whatever hurt he must have felt from ttpd (if he did listen to it). I don’t think it’s fair to dictate up to which point and to which extent he can feel emotionally occupied with taylor.

Is he not allowed to talk about what he’s going through with a friend? In that same conversation he (allegedly) said “it’s been tough” which I don’t think makes sense if he was being bitter about Taylor. Bitter people want to seem like they have the upper hand and that they’re unaffected, so why would he say smth as vulnerable as that? please explain the leap from joes comments to him being bitter.

[adviceformefromme]

I’m bi, and I’ve never dated anyone. It’s starting to bother me now that I’m entering my mid 20s, I feel bitter over relationships and seeing ppl I know date. I’ve never had it work out for me, dating apps have been terrible and those I met in person too. It doesn’t help that I’m in a smaller town. My parents were toxic/borderline abusive and they have taken a huge toll on my self esteem/worth issues and I have spent years self sabotaging due to their destructive words and behavior. Now that I’ve mostly gotten over it however, this dating stuff has been a new thing that’s taken over my mind, and made me feel unloved, and like there’s something wrong. But I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to be content with myself, even if I don’t date in the next couple of years. I have goals I want to focus on anyway, but this has been plaguing me. How to I love myself and not base my worth off of others lack of romantic interest in me? Thank you ♥️

Hey sweetie, thanks for sharing this. There seems to be some deeper healing required to remove the blockages preventing you from accessing the love that's available to you. Love is not defined by romantic relationships, and all of it is possible for you. Small town or not..Here are some suggestions:

1] I would recommend time each day for reflections and self-love. This is your time. No distractions from the world, no phone - put it on flight mode. This is your time with you. To connect with your heart. You can use this time I recommend 1 hour but maybe start with 10-30 mins at first if that feels too much. You can journal in this time. Writing really helps release what's inside. Remember we are in-and-out beings. So all those pains and suppressions from the past need to come out so you can be free. You can also do guided meditation from YouTube, read a book on self development. This is your time for growth each day. If you are serious about wanting to change, you will need to dedicate time to watering yourself, and this is in the form of your daily practise.

2] Take inventory and changes to what you are consuming. Music and social media, tv etc are all influencing our thoughts and energy on a subconscious and conscious level. What are the vibrations of what you are consuming? Is it low frequency? Have you been absorbed in the news, war, politics? Murder docu-series on Netflix? All this stuff is polluting your energy. What about music? Is it depressive, take note of the lyrics. What about social media? Is it making you feel depressed seeing yet another friend marry the love of their life? Social media will keep you in the gutter to. You are responsible for protecting your energy so if you have dreams and goals you need to ensure your mind is operating at its optimal level. Not consumed by the problems of the world. So you have to make changes. Go on a detox. No social media. No news, No TV. No music. Allow space for healing, allow space for truth to flow into your mind. Once you remove the distractions I promise you, you'll start to slowly hear your truth. Love will start to enter into you, as a reflection of the love you are investing into yourself.

xoxox

[imeriayapping]

hey!!! how are you doing?

ohmygosh for the liloscar imagine liam having a seat in the alpha tauri and logan and oscar don't have a proper friendship anymore and liam and logan get super close since they were team mates in f2 (i think??? i dont follow them unfortunately but ill read anything you write all ur ideas are fantastic) and then oscar gets jealous like that should be me so he goes to logan and they get in an argument abt this and they both basically declare their love for each other and then logan gets all confused and shaken up because he thought he had a good thing with liam going on and now his feelings are all confused to he talks to liam about it and he says he likes logan too but they want to focus on their careers so they put a pin on it or smth and then later on oscar finds liam in a little breakdown because of his seat and the rumours if he's good enough to move up to rb or if he's gonna be replaced mid season and oscar knows how it feels like to never have ur seat confirmed to move up and basically being treated like shit bc of alpine so he goes and comforts him and liam's like huh ohmygosh how nice and he grows feelings for him too so they all like each other and bam: relationship

and then there could be little snippets of ppl on social media posting abt them because they keep their relationship public but private so they never say anything abt it and ppl just speculate and it's never confirmed

sorry for the ramble, have a lovely day 💕

Don't apologise for your rambling it was amazing to read!!!!

But i would probably go a bit different about it, maybe Logan got that second alpha tauri seat so now they can actually spend time together while his friendship with oscar went a bit still. It takes effort from both sides to keep up texting or meetups and getting into f1 made it harder for them. And then there was last year with Williams that hit Logan pretty hard so keeping in touch was hard. Oscar not really reaching out first, too wrapped in his own team did affect this too.

So now Logan is constantly in close proximity to liam and they are back to their f2 flirting and all that. Oscar mostly see that online in pr vids that they make or something like that and it annoys him because it wasn't like that even with Alex so he gets snappy in any interactions they have which is strange and highly unusual for oscar.

And one too many comments bring logan and oscar into some far away location, maybe even one evening when they stay in the same hotel or something. At first it's very still and tense conversation, but then oscar let something slip and it actually angers logan bc he wasn't there for Logan when everything was shit and liam did so there no reason for him to act like this. Then he admits his feelings not noticing the slip bc of how furious he is. Oscar answers also very heated that he in fact also have feelings for Logan and it all goes on.

They don't do anything about it because Logan needs some space to think but now they at least acknowledged attraction between them which is something

Logan talks to liam about all of this bc they both know that something is there but just never talked about it. And above all else liam is his friend so they literally just talk about it like "i know that i like you and that you like me too but here this thing with oscar and i have no fucking idea what to do" and in the end they decide to just wait till summer break when they can have some uninterrupted time together and see what will come from that

And then happens part with liam breaking down (maybe because he already with rb for so long but now that logan is also here they have practically same treatment and not really any prospects for rb seat bc yuki now have it?)and oscar and liam open their eyes toward eachother and then they all actually get to the relationship part during summer break hehe

[insufferablemod]

do you have any tips for like... paneling? your lil comics, if i could call them that(?) with Dave are well made (to me at least) and I'd like to get into making comics! or if you know any resources that helped you. :') - sincerely, a beginner.

sorry to be answering this so late, wanted to try and give some kinda proper advice haha so what i do is i just make my posts as long as possible so that it takes up like all of ppls dash, this means they are forced to look at it and engage with it! no ok but for real, first off this is just how i do things and by no means any sort of proper tutorial or anything, most of this is prob kinda basic and intuitive stuff, but its good to be reminded of the basics and to notice why you might be doing said things intuitively so you can start doing it intentionally so how i approach things is by picking a focus panel whats the Punchline/Emotional pay off for the page/comic? and then i try and build the rest around that for actual Comics not every page is gonna have one of those ofcourse and thats fine i tend to often have to many focus panels,,,, lmao(which is why my posts end up so long,,,,) i try to group similar panels and make them smaller, it saves space, makes it so the attention goes to the more unique panels and makes things feel more sequential(or u can do like me and have too many similar panels and think, what if i just make it an animation, its just a few extra frames right,,,?<- clueless(i have done this twice now,,, the second is still a wip,,, )) heres one of my posts deconstructed using all this, id do more of them but i dont wanna make this even longer asdsd, but i think its pretty obvious to pick up on once you know the formula lol

after that i think its mostly just clear composition and flow so things dont get confusing(like what panel(also applies to text) youre suppose to read next and such(thats easier with this cus its usually just individual panels and not full pages)) edit: oh and resources that helped me, i mostly just looked at other comics, paying attention to how the paneling was effecting the story and mood! some comics ive looked at for paneling inspo are houseki no kuni, how they play with contrast and stuff, idk theyre all just very striking, i looked at ajin at some point as well for help with some action stuff, most action shonen are also great for that 2 so yeah, just find a comic scene that has the same vibe that youre trying to get and see how they did it, finding a few and comparing and contrasting what you feel works best thats my thought process while doing stuff at least! i hope this helps at least a bit haha

[ca-suffit]

I feel as uncomfortable defending Armand as I do defending Lestat, I hate the abusers off fandom is having, where only the abusers matter and not Louis or Claudia.

It gives me hope seeing you being optimistic about the future of the show, I want to trust Hannah and Rolin, I know there is comedy in the show but I hope it doesn’t turn into silly writing like the books did, I hope they will make the adaptation as good as s1&2, Sam saying this is an adaptation not Anne’s Lestat is also positive lol,fingers crossed.

Finally I never perceived Lesmand as romantic in the books, am I crazy? I mean, Lestat wants to fuck everybody all the time, and he feels everything is LOVE, from the nun to Amel lmao, I doubt the show could depict every creature Lestat lusts after in the books, is someone new every 10 pages lol

abusers off lmao 💀

I think it's interesting to explore all the characters and not reduce them to simple labels but this fandom....mostly isn't doing that tho. it's a lot of focus on finding reasons to excuse shit instead of accept that it was real but still explore what pain motivated it. u can talk about so much without excusing it but that's all most ppl want to do. or...u know, be racist about it. and ya black ppl are never allowed to be victims of anything, always gotta find a reason to say that's not real or important. pfft.

from what I know of AMC shows, they're not going to tone shift like the books do. I mean 2x3 was silly and did that change anything? shit, look how many ppl even took that deadly serious to begin with omfg. lestat's humor is v dark and sarcastic. I expect a little lighter tone for the music angle, maybe even a musical telling of things at times, but not suddenly a full shift into "what show is this??"

lesmand passed by me entirely when I read stuff tbh. I hate book armand a LOT. I had to go back and reread parts to see what everyone was talking about when it started to get mentioned more. there's definitely sections where lestat is speaking about armand in ways that do show he's drawn to him, but...it's not something everyone is gonna pick up on. like I said, I didn't. idk if I'd still say it's "romantic" but it's...something more than I saw first.

I was rereading the end of TVL the other day, let me pull a quote to show an example of lestat's perspective (this is from when he's in that shack at the end we just saw in S2, for context)

And then I was moving up in the darkness, and Armand and I stood together on the high roof. Radiant he was, in the same old-fashioned evening clothes, and we were looking over the jungle of dark singing treetops at the distant silver curve of the river and the low heavens where the stars burned through the pearl gray clouds.

I was weeping at the sheer sight of it, at the feel of the damp wind against my face. And Armand stood beside me, with his arm around me. And he was talking of forgiveness and sadness, of wisdom and things learned through pain. "I love you, my dark brother," he whispered. And the words moved through me like blood itself.

"It wasn't that I wanted vengeance," he whispered. His face was stricken, his heart broken. He said. "But you came to be healed, and you did not want me! A century I had waited, and you did not want me!"

And I knew, as I had all along really, that my restoration was illusion, that I was the same skeleton in rags, of course. And the house was still a ruin. And in the preternatural being who held me was the power that could give me back the sky and the wind.

"Love me and the blood is yours," he said. "This blood that I have never given to another." I felt his lips against my face.

"I can't deceive you," I answered. "I can't love you. What are you to me that I should love you? A dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others? The embodiment of thirst itself?"

And in a moment of incalculable power, it was I who struck him and knocked him backwards and off the roof. Absolutely weightless he was, his figure dissolving into the gray night.

But who was defeated? Who fell down and down again through the soft tree branches to the earth where he belonged? Back to the rags and filth beneath the old house. Who lay finally in the rubble, with hands and face against the cool soil? Yet memory plays its tricks. Maybe I imagined it, his last invitation, and the anguish after. The weeping. I do know that as the months passed he was out there again. I heard him from time to time just walking those old Garden District streets. And I wanted to call to him, to tell him that it was a lie I'd spoken to him, that I did love him. I did.

[nerves-nebula]

do you have any recs for books about or surrounding trauma?

Mm. Not exactly? I mostly read fictional books that have abuse and trauma as, like, themes, but which aren't necessarily only about those things. i guess i can rec you some of those if that's what you're interested in.

but if you want like, nonfiction stuff, then there is this google drive that a guy gave me and it's full of csa/sa/childhood trauma/trauma healing books, articles, and workbooks. some pdfs and some epubs i think.

anyway i went back through my library log and here's some of the books i've read in which abuse is a main focus, but be warned that these stories aren't all 100% about abuse 100% of the time. anyway, under the cut.

the people in the trees (still reading)(about pedophilia and the abuse of a native population by the narrator)

the child finder (also still reading)(about a detective with a mysterious child abuse past who specializes in finding missing kids)

being lolita (a woman recounting how she was groomed by her english teacher and his weird reading of lolita)

lolita (its lolita. you know lolita)

juniper & thorn (a girl & her sisters kept in near isolation by her father. theres some SA, CSA, and incest, but it's also about a magic murder mystery and a hot dancer. the narrator has a weird blood kink its cool)

hench (OK THIS ONE IS NOT REALLY ABOUT ABUSE but early on in the book the MC gets a traumatic life altering injury and it's about trauma TO ME even tho it's really more about like. a corrupt shitty system of government/superhero stuff ruining ppls lives and the main character's rise in villainy trying to fix/tear down said system)

last ones left alive (ok also not about abuse/trauma exactly either but. listen. it's the only zombie story I've really enjoyed all that much in a while and this girls life is so sad fhasdifsdjf and really arent all zombie stories kind of about abuse and trauma? I mean when they aren't just silly webtoon type shit...)

lost in the moment and found (less about trauma more about abuse and adults lying to kids. there's some gaslighting & CSA stuff early on. part of a series but you dont really need to have read the rest to understand it i think. also the entire series is kind of about kids who feel like they belong in other worlds and that includes a lot of discussions of traumatizing things)

the entire broken earth trilogy (it's ripe with themes of abuse, genocide, violence, and inter-generational trauma)

I Hunt Killers (+ the rest of the books in this series. this one is a bit of an iffy recommendation because I last read it like. 10 years ago. So um. yeah idk?? I remember it being good tho and i liked the SPOILERS!!! weird incest reveal stuff near the end of the series. from what i remember at least)

[olasketches]

Hey, I am asking you because I think as an artist you can answer this better.. So I have seen people saying yuuji , wasuke, jin and sukuna look the same. But isn't it just artsyle of gege except for their hair.. Because I have seen most manga characters look the same face wise except minor differences. For example, these people were calling hazenoki the guy who fought kenjaku before takaba and kashimo similar to gojo... By their logic they should be related too.

hey anon! Thanks for stopping by, I’ll try my best to answer your ask.

yuuji, jin and wasuke don’t look the same but they definitely look similar in some ways due to them being related. sukuna also share some similarities with them and yes, the hair seems the most obvious and common charectaristic that ppl tend to notice first but then inumaki had the same hairstyle in volume 0 and he looks nothing like yuuji, sukuna, jin and wasuke. in case of hazenoki, kashimo and gojo, there are some similiraties in their design but to be honest hazenoki’s face reminds me of that one guy from demon slayer who I don’t even know the name of lol and kashimo KINDAAAA reminds me of pre unsealed gojo (he has such a baby face imo), which is probably why gege modified gojo’s design later on and gave him more sharper features. the thing is that when you want to have characters who are closely related to each other to share some similarities you would focus on their facial features the most. I would say that what makes yuuji, jin and wasuke look so similar to one another other are their eyes.

yuuji could change the colour and length of his hair and he would still probably look similar to his grandpa and father. In sukuna’s case I would say that he shares the most characteristics with wasuke.. but the thing is that the facial features don’t have to look exactly the same. the trick is to get their likeness right to have the viewer associate these characters with each other. hazenoki, kashimo and gojo don’t really have that cause they all have at least one distinctive facial feature that separates them from the other two. like hazenoki and his thick eyebrows, kashimo and his sharper eyes (similar to yuuji actually and YET they look nothing alike cause the don’t have a likeness to each other the way yuuji, jin and wasuke do) and gojo’s white eyelashes. 

so when you want family members to look related BUT NOT THE SAME (unless their indentical twins) you would focus on their facial features the most (hair colour and hairstyle can help but that’s not what determines their likenesses), but then again it's really not about drawing the exact same features in the exact same way but drawing them in a way that makes them look very alike. I think you can think about it like when you draw a pair of eyes on a small piece of paper and then you stick it to different surfaces that have similar shapes like a balloon and a ball

and then there characters who have similar designs but don't look like they're related to one another cause of this one or two very distinctive facial feature that separates them from the other.

the thing is that, gege is not only a writer but he's also an artist and I feel like the majority of the fandom mostly associates that with his art style alone. art is so much more than just art style tho. it's also what the artist wants to convey through their work. as an artist myself, I believe that he's very much INTENTIONAL about the way he draws and portray his characters. he wants his readers to make certain connections just by the way he designs them (or makes them act or draws their facial expressions). for example the majority of the fandom knew that there must be some relation between sukuna and yuuji's family, not only because of kenjaku but also because they look like they could be related. and this was deliberate on gege’s part.

[tomatoart]

mwah your art is good and nice :>

can I ask for some advice? no worries if u don't want to answer.

do you have any tips on how exactly to practice art? everytime I ask for art advice everyone always says "practice" but idk what to practice first! do you have any strategies for learning how to draw something? do you do excercises? and if so how do they work?and are there any beginner mistakes I should look out for and change specifically?

thank you so much!! have a wonderful week :>

thank you so much! im ok w answering! i dont want to speak as if i am an expert on how to draw things in general as i am learning as well and definitely am not completely learned, so i might not be the best person to ask since im not very professional w my art as I do it as a hobby (and I can only speak on mostly digital cartoon matters) but i reallly hope to try and help u out even a lil ! im really happy that you’re eager to draw :] I wish you so much luck muwah muwah

i also hated when ppl told me “just practice” and i dont wanna inflict tht on u EITHER LOL but also thats just what i ended up doing for awhile but i tried to find some things to help ^_^

tips for practice: My number one rule is that practices should be challenging but still fun, I know it can get frustrating trying to redraw a pose over and over trying to get it perfect. And over time it rlly is all about muscle memory, the longer you draw the more your eyes will pick out specific shapes in everyday life and convert them into its own vision of them! or at least its good to look at life that way, try to pin point key shapes and stress less on details in practices. after you look at key points, THEN you can go over what you have and draw in and over it to make it more “complete.” To stop practices from getting too stressful I recommend starting out drawing what you want a little more simple looking than ur desired finished product. This helps eliminate the pressure of everything not looking “perfect” and keeps your art more loose and fun. Doing this a few times is gonna get ur brain to recognize patterns in art and how things look/flow in anatomy and such. dont get stuck in ur own head abt perfecting everything to the point you either 1) give up bc ur not at a level capable of it being 100% “perfect” or 2) focus so much on making it perfect that you end up saying the work looks “wonky” or stale in dynamics, So while I do think studies help, don’t get too lost in them. I always practice with media I enjoy too, whether it’s characters or fashion I enjoy.

Strategies learning to draw something: people get mad abt this one but I think tracing reference photos is great. its been awhile but When I tried learning to draw hands better at first I would trace them then put the traced image to the side of the canvas, then try and replicate what my mind saw as its most important angles and aspects. Same for clothing folds/hair/etc! I think it’s maybe not the best idea to trace the ref and use the tracings as is, because you learn more from tracing it then trying to replicate and simplify what u learned into the style you’re working in. Find what shapes you like from them and don’t over detail it. you may have to go by eye and think “what parts of this ref photo should i simplify to fit my style” and for me, its usually adjusting the length of the torso and then the limbs by associations. i dont recommend feeling like u need a reference for every art you make though, its ok to let ur own head try out its own sometimes too while trying to learn this, see if it remembers any call bad from the past referenced sketches! over time ull remember where everything goes more, these days i rarely kick myself to use refs but im sure they still would help to use, but figure drawing simple blobby figure in a bunch of random poses was a big thing i used to do as well to get better at full body art + overall dynamics (still does this). also paying attention to silhouettes is great 

Exercises and how they work: I WANNA HELP U SO BAD BUT to be honest, all the works on my blog ARE exercises! i rarely actually do finished pieces, if u scroll thru my posts ull notice most r sketches. i usually just fill up a page and call it “warm ups” then i get attached to some of them, take a few, and just line them up pleasingly on a smaller page, then color them in (or sometimes fix the lines to be more clean too). im not rlly a person who “exercises” to practice, it more so happens from just me drawing a lot for fun as a hobby! but i really should. i will tell u this has humbled me a lil i need to start practicing too 😭 LOL but a good exercise is to look at what ur inspirations do, and study it. Make a collage and write out what you like most abt their styles/what u want to gain from them. For ref Here’s a page I did awhile ago when someone asked me abt my insps:

i also look at fashion magazines and as well as anime figures and take insps from that sometimes with learning cool poses and compositions to convert into my own things

Beginner mistakes to look out for: its hard for me to pin point “mistakes” beginners make, as sometimes we cant avoid all of them or even notice them, progress comes from growing out of old ways. some mistakes are even the foundation of ur future amazing cool style! but i think some things to look out for could be these, from my own old art experiences

Hands were the first thing I learned bc i liked drawing them. I don’t know if that is the best way to go but I think it is smart to practice sooner than later, here is a lil guide thingggyyy wingyyy from awhle ago

i see beginners shy away from drawing signs of age in people, sometimes adding too much detail on an older person in cartoon art makes it look weird, so i try and hit the key markings on ppls faces of age.

Too thin of lines. sometimes its a stylistic choice to use thin lineart, and it can look amazing ! but sometimes it can flatten an image if ur not familiar with its flow. im not saying use thick line art, but more so to keep in mind the weight of ur strokes, adding depth with a thick thin combo of line art can do SO much for the simplest of pieces. heres a visual from a while back when i talked abt my brush + more abt lines:

but if ur desired style is thin lineart that is cool too! tbh it was just harder for me as a beginner

sometimes artists think they need to do full lineart for everything and then hate how it looks compared to the sketch, do not fear i will introduce u to my bff: painting over a sketch, extractinging the lines, then calling it line art. i only do this sometimes but its a fun exercise-ish thing to do in a pinch. example:

finding what shading fits ur art. sometimes ill see ppl starting out who have a style thats very simple, but they use a very detailed rendering process on it. this is not something id ever police of course, art is each persons own choice! And it CAN work. It can be so cute! but sometimes mixing two very contrasting mediums of art can throw off the “put together” look of it. i use to abuse the airbrush tool thinking it made my simple style look super cool and detailed, but looking back on it now those pieces looked a little off, having such a simple style have somewhat more realistic shading. dont get me wrong the ability i see ppl use rendering like that is so insanely talented! but i found cellshading to be a good match for cartoony art like my own. a tip i learned way too late abt that is rather than shading each layer by color picking a darker color, instead use a clipping mask over the entire art (above line art too as I color my lineart) and lasso tool the areas u want shaded + fill it w a saturated purple then set to multiply + lower opacity. also, sometimes coloring can come out chalky looking when u meant for it to be smooth and transitional, i think this comes from overshading and overlighting pieces without reason. pay attention to where the light source is, and focus on making the shaded and lighter areas nice shapes that cover the necessary areas, then u can add additional shading to the smaller details of what should have a casted shadow/light  

its good to spice up ur art now rather than later, focusing making ur art pop more w backgrounds will help ur coloring skills look better too! i dont mean detailed huge backgrounds, a small lil color pallet and design rather than a blank white bg. like this will make u feel better abt it or at least it helped me *sweats* yeah:

beginners tend to draw blank faces like “:)” but I think a good thing to do is try and get silly with expressions early on. It’s okay if the mouth hangs off the face cartoonishly with joy or shock, it’s ok if the eyebrows are super high in surprise.

tracing and pasting it as is (already said this but I’ve seen ppl do it a lot with hair styles and it makes it look alienated from the rest of the style) (final fantasy fans found critically injured) n if need a ref for a pose, using a real humans anatomy as-is doesn’t look quite right on a cartoonyish drawing. Shortening torso and legs usually comes out of this for me!

flip ur canvas i promise u it’ll be less embarrassing over time!

using guidelines for perspective and foreshortening is GREAT. Do it stylistically rather than realistically to add some groove to it...yay. Having silly perspective in art can make it look like a 10 so easily opposed to a normal front facing sketch. Look at cool poses from fashion magazines! Don’t be scared to draw something you don’t feel confident in conveying perfectly, this is why progress redraws exist :)

Drawing the hairline b4 u draw the hair is great, it helps u understand where their hair flows from, where it starts and stops, AND prepares u for drawing bald ppl. Also don’t make the head too big, the skull IS bigger up top, but sometimes I see an alien head affect.

Anatomy is an interesting mistake that beginners make a lot, but it’s one they find harder to notice! When I started out, all my art would be SO wonky, but I didn’t even realize it! It still happens today too! specifically though I see beginners struggle with the arms in this department. My advice is to try and measure them out and make sure they don’t go past the knees, and are the same length as each other when Unfolded. asking for criticism is hard but it helped me realize when i would make something bigger/longer than it should have been in my art, and stuck with me being able to go “oh... i see it LOL” 

clothing wrinkles- do not over do it! Too many wrinkles and shading can look unpleasant and wirey- like a plastic table cloth all bunched up which isn’t exactly what ppl wear. pay attention to gravity too

I hope this helped even a lil im sorry tht I’m not very good at explaining or didn’t have much to sayyy! If u have any troubles no guarantee I’ll have the answer, but ur always free to ask!

[abstractlesbian]

It's been 2 weeks since my mom got diagnosed with leukemia and she's reacting super well to treatment and her hospital stay is going as well as it possibly can and her prognosis is good

And I think I'm mostly coping well? The first week I could barely think or focus on anything but I'm starting to get back to normal "shit fucking sucks" stress levels instead of "my mom might die!?!" stress levels

Mental health has been a rollercoaster but the past few years have put me thru the ringer so I'm like oh I feel the paranoia/delusion/fear/dread/insomnia/hypochondria etc coming and I know what tools to reach for

It's not perfect but I'm more prepared to handle my mind than I used to be

I feel like my family is expecting me to go off the rails but I'm very much still on the rails. Theres turbulence but I'm holding strong.

I am making a terrible amount of impulse purchases tho. Woke up this morning and immediately bought a carebear teddy bear I gave away when I was 12. Bought way too many books and steam games this month anytime I was too sad or too stressed. I am my mothers daughter.

I also picked the worst possible time in the world to switch from weekly to bi-weekly therapy but I also don't want to switch back BC there's just so much talking with my dad and my mom and my sister and my grandparents and my coworker friend and my offline friends and my online friends + the journaling

So much updating ppl and talking about feelings and venting and problem solving

I've only had one therapy session since the diagnosis and I was unable to speak for the first 20 mins of it... But I also clearly need an outlet for all this shit BC I'm fucking writing a novel on tumblr rn lmao

But I'm not suicidal. I'm 5mo/5 years 5mo/8mo clean with different self harm methods. Not going overboard with substances, just some weed on Fridays/saturdays.

Only took one day off work, probably should've taken more.

Haven't torpedoed any of my relationships. Haven't had any major fuckups at work.

Not doing the best on chores but my dad and I are splitting the pet care / dishes pretty well and I'm managing to have enough clean clothes for work at least.

Idk shit sucks. Shit is exhausting. Shit is miserable.

But I'm getting thru it.