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#i have embarrassed myself one too many times
tpwk-formula1 · 2 days
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Kimi Antonelli. I would like to have my pizza with coliflower crust(grumpy reader) with Alfredo sauce. Now for the toppings, maybe with basil, broccoli and Gouda cheese. And for my drink sprite and truly. Maybe mt dew (sub reader) and yes aftercare. THANK U MY LOVE❤️❤️❤️
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Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu
cauliflower crust sunshine x grumpy Alfredo sweet sex basil "I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy" broccoli "Made just for me huh?" gouda “Slow down? You just told me to speed up, make up your mind silly girl” sprite size kink truly belly bulge mt dew dom/sub dessert yes served by Kimi Antonelli
Kimi x Grumpy! reader
TW - riding cock, belly bulge, size kink, missionary, unprotected sex, creampie
WC 1400+
Y/N POV
"Why are you so moody today," Kimi whispered into my ear while pinching my thigh is a "behave yourself" manner.
"I'm not," I snapped whispering back getting more annoyed with my boyfriend. He just rolls his eyes at me before turning his attention back to the rest of the table and joining in on their conversation leaving me to wallow in my own annoyance at my boyfriend.
"Are you good?" Ollie asks keeping his volume down so only I can hear him.
"I'm fine, why does everyone think I'm not," I whisper back at him letting him be on the receiving end of a verbal lashing. I cringe slightly when I realize Kimi had heard me snap at Ollie making him pinch my thigh a little harder.
"I mean you're normally pretty "grumpy" but today you have this look in your eye like you wanna destroy the world," Ollie whispers softly. I just shrug and we leave the conversation there.
He was right though, Kimi had always been the golden retriever boyfriend and I was the typical "black cat" girlfriend, which wasn't necessarily false but Kimi knew the truth. It was just a way to protect myself not wanting too many people getting too close to me, but Kimi spent years working on breaking my walls down, and here we are years later still going as strong as ever. As for the modd I'm in today, it's everyone else's comments on Kimi's F1 announcement that has me wanting to "destroy the world" or whatever Ollie said.
When the dinner wrapped up Kimi and I go back to his hotel room where he finally gets the answers he was looking for.
"It's just unfair Kimi! I mean they barely even watch you in Formula 2 and then the one time they watch you, you crash and while that is embarrassing I'm gonna be real with you BUT that doesn't mean you need to wait," I continue ranting laying in bed with Kimi making him smile but start kissing at my jaw and neck during my rant starting to distract me.
"Watching you get so mad on my behalf, it fucking hot," Kimi mumbles into my neck rutting his hips into my side letting me feel his hard cock through his briefs. I just roll my eyes and laugh.
"I can't believe my very serious rant about hating the fans of Formula 1 has you so horny you're grinding into me," I joke before turning onto my side so I'm facing him and pulling him in for a quick kiss.
Kimi refused to pull away so what was supposed to be a quick peck turned into us fighting for dominance with our tongues. Finally Kimi is pushing me on my back before climbing on top of me pinning my hands above my head all the while keeping his mouth on top of mine.
"Kimi, I need you," I whine against his mouth making him let out a breathy laugh making my pussy throb just at the noise.
"Hm. I wanna watch you bounce on my cock," Kimi said with a smirk before letting me use my strength to turn us over so I was the one on top now.
I start grinding my hips into Kimi's large cock making both of us whimper at the stimulation. I pull my sleep shirt off my body leaivng me in the lacey black panties I was going to sleep in before Im shuffling my body down slightly before pulling Kimi's briefs off letting his hard cock rest against his torso showing just how large he truly is. The tip is barely touching the bottom of his bellybutton.
I instantly start jerking his cock off dwarfing the size of my hand.
"Miracle I can walk in the mornings," I mumble softly making Kimi laugh at my little comment. Losing my virginity to Kimi was terrible and he refused to touch me for weeks after but as time went on we learned how to pleasure each other taking everything slow before I finally got my redo which was amazing.
"I can make it to where you can't walk tomorrow," Kimi said with a smirk written all over his face making my cheek heat at the suggestion. I just shook my head no, knowing tomorrow wasn't a good day for that.
I release Kimi's cock and make quick work of pulling my panties down before I'm climbing back into Kimi's lap. When I grip Kimi's cock I softly tease my clit making me whimper due to how sentive I was, but I needed to collect as much moisture on his cock as possible which wasn't very difficult.
Once Kimi's cock is drenched in my essence I slowly start sinking down making both of us gasp. Once I'm fully seated on Kimi's cock I give myself a few seconds to adjust before I start rocking my hips making both Kimi and I groan at the pleasure.
I start bouncing on Kimi's cock making both of us gasp and moan at the intense pleasure.
"Fuck, so fucking tight," Kimi groans making me speed up my actions slightly but still not going fast enough to bring either of us to an orgasm.
Kimi finally takes over and flips up back so he's on top and he slowly starts pounding into me making me gasp and moan feeling Kimi all over.
"Made just for me huh?" Kimi says with a smirk making me look at him noticing that he was staring at my tummy making me look down to notice the bulge from Kimi's cock.
I moan at the sight of Kimi's cock going in and out of my body slightly stunned at how noticeable it is.
"Fuck, faster please," I whimper while pulling Kimi's neck down to me so I can kiss him while he speeds up his actions making me whimper at the intensity.
Kimi pulls back slightly and starts fucking into me faster than he was previously making me gasp and feel my orgasm start to approach. Kimi knowing my body so well picked up on this and started pushing down on the bulge in my stomach making me feel Kimi so much more than before, it was starting to get almost too intense.
"Too much, slower," I moan and gasp out through a stuttered breath.
“Slow down? You just told me to speed up, make up your mind silly girl” Kimi says with a smirk all over his face. While he kept up the pace he let up just slightly on my stomach.
"I can tell you wanna cum," Kimi says before moving his hand from my stomach to my clit and rubbing it in soft circles bringing me over the edge.
"Fuck," I whimper while arching my back and cumming all over Kimi's cock sending him over the edge with one final thrust before unloading a massive load of his cum deep into my pussy making sure to fill me before slowly slipping his cock out not wanting to hurt my overstimulated pussy.
When Kimi slipped out of my pussy he just sits back on his knees and watches as some of his cum starts leaking out of my pussy.
"I love to watch my cum leak from your pretty pussy" Kimi mumbles softly leaning down to kiss my lips making me blush at the dirty praise.
"Do you feel better?" Kimi jokes with a smirk all over his face making me roll my eyes and nod softly making Kimi laugh.
"You take me so well," Kimi says while getting out of bed and pulling me into his arms where he carries me into the bathroom where he puts me on the toilet to do my business while he turns his back and turns the shower on.
After Kimi and I shower together he helps me get dressed into a new shirt to sleep in before helping me step into my panties before laying us both of us on the bed for a cuddle.
"Did I really look like I wanted to destroy the world?" I question feeling back for snapping at everyone today. Kimi just nodded his head softly making me groan while he laughed at me slightly.
"I yelled at Ollie," I state softly making Kimi pull me into his side and place a soft kiss on my cheek.
"I know, I heard. But, if you feel that bad you can apologize tomorrow on the flight back," Kimi tells me softly knowing I won't feel better until I do apologize to Ollie. I just nod my head softly before melting into Kimi's embrace and falling asleep in his arms.
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razorblade180 · 3 hours
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Capturing the Spark
Weiss:*peeks into music room* Summer, sweetie? I can’t help notice you’re playing the same note for like…ten minutes.
Summer: *plucking string* I’ve reach creative bankruptcy.
Weiss:You’re sixteen. There’s something in there.
Summer:Nothing good.
She points at a decently sized pile of paper on the floor. Weiss takes a look at one and realizes it’s a whole song.
Weiss:Are these originals!? Why are they on the floor!?
Summer:I don’t like how they came out. Weeks and months of revising but they feel mediocre.
Weiss:Says you. A single opinion from a creator is damning in any art form. I could’ve listened.
Summer:You would’ve been too nice and supportive.
Weiss:Summer, I told your father he looked fat in the first tux he chose for our wedding. I will never willingly let you embarrass yourself in front of people.
Summer:…There’s been talk on the radio about my recent songs and concerts. People are saying I’m losing my spark, and they aren’t wrong if I’m being honest. Things feel…different.
Weiss:Could it be because you’re getting healthy?
Summer:Pfft, now you’re making me sound ridiculous. Yes, that’s exactly it. Being on stage feels weird now that I’m not fighting for my life. Is that wrong?
Weiss:Little bit, but I get it. Your life was on the line. Adrenaline was at an all time high.
Summer:Exactly! My body was cold and hot. I had to focus on staying myself while thousands cheered my name and had zero clue I was basically on a battlefield! Now I’m just performing.
Weiss:Haha, and that’s a bad thing? It’s gonna be an adjustment but you still have that spark. You don’t need your life on the line to bring it out. You also need to treat these songs better.
Summer:Mom, they’re garbage. My fans don’t come for me for darker stuff anyways.
Weiss:They are fruits of labor. Sure not all of them will be perfect, but not every song you make will be a hit and don’t have to be. Treat these like your puppy. Don’t throw them away because they’re a little all over the place.
Summer:Where is he right now?
Weiss:Bothering Jaune. Anyways, fuck your haters.
Summer:Wow!
Weiss:I mean it! You are the singer! You can’t make people like your music but you change the audience that fills your seats. They’re called fans because they help make you burn bright.
Summer:….
Weiss:The way I see it, you can change up your style and genre to better capture and represent the raw feelings that give you the spark, or bask in the irony of a crowd that loves you, but can’t fathom the real weight of your performance.
Summer:You’ve done that too!?
Weiss:I’ve written so many songs that come from my feelings being around my abusive father and most people don’t have a clue. We may be the entertainment at a concert, but we both know how easy it is to see the crowd as the real fools.
Summer:Yet when I talk like this, therapy gets mentioned.
Weiss:Hey, I’ve been to it many times. I know exactly who I am, and you will too. One day at a time. You’re not creatively bankrupt. You’re just not cashing in all the ideas you have.
And with that nugget of wisdom, Weiss kisses her daughter on the forehead before leaving her to think on it.
Summer:(Damn it. She’s gonna feel so proud about that line.) *grabs paper*……
xxxxxx
Weiss:*walking down stairs* I’m back. How’s the puppy?
Jaune:*holding him up* Air jail. Did you solve the one note wonder?
Weiss:Yeah, but it’s gonna get louder in sec-
🎶VVVVVRRRREEEERRRRR🎶
Both of them looked up as the sound of a distorted and almost wailing guitar started singing wildly. Jaune looked at his wife to see her casually head banging with a smug face. They weren’t even sure if the notes lead to something or if their daughter was simply going for it.
Weiss:It’s been awhile since I heard a eulogy like this.
Jaune:A eulogy?
Weiss:Can’t you hear it? It’s for the death of a pop star as we know her.
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mamawasatesttube · 1 day
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sorry I hit send too soon that's embarrassing I was trying to ask if you had suggestions on comics with Cassie S in them? I've never read any stories with her and you seem a resident expert
fklsdjf i did laugh at the ask simply saying "i never". but yeah totally!! with the caveat that i def wouldn't call myself an expert on the wonderfam - i've only read wonder woman (1987) so far, and honestly overall i mostly only know anything abt dc's postcrisis era - but that being said, here's what i'd posit as the cassie basics:
her origin is in wonder woman (1987) #105. in general, she has a lot of background appearances in byrne's run on ww87 (so from #101 - #136), so for a good sense of her relationships with diana, her mom, etc., i'd def rec those! #113 is her debut as wonder girl, and #122 is also a pivotal cassie issue (the one where she gets her powers officially). she continues to have appearances in eric luke's run, which is after byrne's, but tbh eric luke kind of sucks balls (read: his run is full of racist bullshit, especially wrt bana-mighdall, but we can get into that lore in another post!) however there's some stuff in there with artemis being the one who specifically trains cassie, and one arc that i would rec for cassie in particular is #156-#158, which deals with cassie's insecurities around the role of wonder girl getting exploited by a mind-reading and mind-controlling villain who tricks her into trying to kill diana. i don't love some parts of it, but i think it is fascinating for cassie.
cassie has a lot of other fun appearances in wonder woman (1987) - honestly i rec the whole run bc i just loved reading most of it, and her relationships with diana, artemis, and donna are all sooo good - but the meat of her appearances + the run people tend to know her most from is young justice (1998). this is the one where she's on a team with kon, tim, bart, cissie, anita, slo-bo, and greta! she's elected team leader and they do shenanigans.
after that comes titans/young justice: graduation day, which is certainly a comic. it's pivotal for cassie in that it's where donna dies and she is Fucked Up about that. this informs a lot of her early writing in teen titans (2003), which is like... how do i describe tt03. it's not a good comic but it introduces so many ideas and so many themes that are utterly fascinating and sooo dissectable. what the fuck is going on here.
kon dies in her arms during infinite crisis (2005), which takes place around issues #32-#33 of tt03. and she kind of uhhh joins a cult to cope in 52, which i think more people should talk about. she rejoins the titans in tt03 #34 and continues to do stuff from there on. yippee. she also has a miniseries, wonder girl (2007), which is set in the tt03 era following the amazons attack storyline.
but overall i have to say my favorite cassie era is her early days. when she's just hanging out going YEAAAA!!!! >:D every time she gets to watch diana punch someone. so i'd def rec her ww87 appearances because i love herrrr ♥
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welcometogrouchland · 4 months
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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coquelicoq · 5 months
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i have absolutely no filter in one very specific area, which is that if someone smells good i always tell them immediately and with great enthusiasm. unfortunately this has led many people to think i was hitting on them when actually i just really like smells. apparently i can come across as incredibly forward to people, but only that subset of people who smell really really good. if you smell normal we will probably have a regular time.
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YOU SHOULD JUST COMMIT SSSSCIDE... YOU'RE WORTHLESS... YOU VIEW US THIS WAY YOU'RE AN ABUSER A KILLER A MURDERER... TRULY... YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LISTEN TO US YOUR HANDS THEY'RE ON OUR THROAT... YOU'RE WORTHLESS AS RESULT... GO AHEAD... YOUR VALUE IS COMPLETE 0...
THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN FOOD... NOTHING MATURE ABOUT THAT... I LOVE EATING SSSSIDE... THAT IS A TYPE OF FISH WE WOMAN TEND TO EAT TOGETHER... WHY DO THIS TO US 😢...
DAMN... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS COMPLETELY SHADOWBANNED POST WAS CHECKED BY THE SITE... THAT'S CRAZY... WHO EVEN FOUND THIS...? OH WHATEVER... HA.
#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Compassion Diversity Feelings Emotions Autism#Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abused Psychosis Scizophrenia Bipolar#Suomi Finland Finnish Anticapitalism Antipsychiatry Antischool Antiprison Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia#Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia Racephobia GO AHEAD HATE ME... SAY HOW YOU TRULY FEEL... AHH... I SEE... THAT'S WHAT'S UP...#SOMETHING ONLY SOMEONE WHO'S REJECTED US WOULD SAY... YOU'RE A BADDIE AREN'T YOU...?! YOU EVEN FUNCTION THE SAME AS THE REST... AN ABUSER..#YOU EVEN MANAGED TO TURN ALL WE SAID AGAINST US... TAKING ADVANTAGE OF OUR BRAIN'S KNOWLEDGE... WE KNOW EVERYTHING... HOWEVER... THERE WAS#SOMETHING WE COULDN'T SEE COMING... Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Manga Josei#Fantasy Romance Drama Magic ABUSER BIGOT THEY HAVE NO PROBLEMS... EVEN TODAY... THEY'RE ALL HAVING FUN WHILE WE SUFFER... APATHY... IS REAL#I SEE NO EMPATHY ANYWHERE. EVERYTHING WAS ALWAYS BUT A CAPITALIST SCAM. EMPATHY IS NOTHING. FAKE. MEANINGLESS. NOT BY US... WHY THEN...? HO#DID THIS HAPPEN...?! THINGS BECOME THIS WAY?!?! PATHETIC... I AM JUST TOO SMART TOO COMPETENT FOR YOU... OCPD IS ANOTHER WORD FOR#YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLIGENT BETTER THAN YOU... ASWELL AS CAPABLE AND PRODUCTIVE... OH...? YOU'D RATHER CRY YOU SUCK?! FOR HAVING THE COMPETEN#DISORDER?!?! AHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT WE WER#ABUSED BY?! AND THIS'S ALL THANKS TO THAT PSYCHOSIS THAT OCPD YOU HATE FROM US SO MUCH... THAT MEANWHILE... NOTHING BUT A BIGOTED CAPITALIS#COVERUP... YOU'RE SO FUNNY... I... JUST ALWAYS AM BETTER THAN YOU AREN'T I LOSER WASTE...? LOSER WASTE PATHETIC PATHETIC!!!!!!!! BELOW#MYSELF!!!!!!!! CRY CRY CRY YOU GARBAGE......... I... MOMMY'S HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW... REMEMBER ALL I SAID...?! I JUST REMEMBERE#HOW I PRESENTED... IN THAT SITUATION!!!!!!!! DID THAT WORK I'M A SEXY WOMAN AREN'T I?! YOU DEAR... GIVE ME VALIDATION....... A REQIIREMENT#FOR EVER DEALING WITH NPD!! WHAT YOU CALL DELUSION!!!!!!!! TYPICAL ABUSER BIGOT DISCRIMINATION... NOTHING PRO CRAZY ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE PRETT#MUCH JUST A COP THAT THREW A FIT WE'RE SEXY WOMAN... I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE ANT... THEY'RE SO BEATIFULL... LIKE THEIR SKIN... AND NOBODY... CA#STOP ME... A BLACK WOMAN... AMAZING... ISN'T THAT...?! IF YOU HATE US SO MUCH WHAT'S WITH THE OBSESSION DARLING?! YOU SECRETLY LOVE ME!!#DON'T YOU DARLING?! OHH IF ONLY THERE WAS A DISLIKE BUTTON... IF ONLY WE WERE AS ABUSABLE AS OVER THERE... IS YOUR THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW AREN'#THEY?! MY LITTLE SEX DOG!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR MISTRRSS YOUR MASTER...? BARK FOR ME BABY. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! THIS I#WHAT WE WERE ABUSED BY!!!!!! A MEAGER SEX DOG BELOW US!!!! DIDN'T WE HONEY?! YES!! AGREE WITH ME!! THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO RIGHT?!?!?!?! AND#SHOWCASE OF THE ABUSE WE WERE SILENCED AND GASSLIGHT FOR THIS LONG... TOSSED OUT BY THIS ABUSER WASTE... BY THIS POINT... THIS IS HOW WE#WERE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH OUR ABUSERS... SHOWCASE WE'RE LATE. THINGS GOING WELL... THAT WOULD BE PARADISE. I HOPE TO HAVE A HAPPY FUTURE..#THEY USED US... THEIR EVIL HAS NO BOUNDS... TO BE USED BY SUCH AN PATHETIC LITTLE SEXY DOGGIE... OH THIS POST IS SO SHADOWBANNED... SO#HUMILIATING!! SO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!! WHY WOULD THEY SHADOWBAN THAT WORD? THAT CAN MEAN MANY THINGS?! LOSERS. ANYWAYS THIS IS YOUR STRATEGY#ISN'T THAT HONEY...?! THIS ALWAYS WAS WASN'T THAT?! YOU STRAIGHT UP HURT AND WANT TO ABUSE CRAZY PEOPLE RIGHT?! ARE WE!! THE “CHOOSE TO DO#BAD“ ONES?! IS THIS ”AS LONG AD THAT DOESN'T HARM ANYONE...“ MENTALITY ALLDEPENDENT ON THE PILLS YOU SUCK...?! THAT IS ISN'T THAT?! ALL#ALONG WAS?! AND THERE ARE EVEN PILLS YOU DON'T ACCEPT... THAT'S... COMPLETELY PATHETIC... YOU “CHANGE BY TIME” DON'T YOU LOSER?!! THAT'S NO#LEFTIST AT ALL... LIAR!! LIAR LIAR LIAR!! I CALLED!! I KNEW!! I'M SMART!! PRAISE ME MY LOVE!! THEIR GASSLIGHT STUCK WITH US FOR MANY MONTHS
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queer-pagan-witch · 5 months
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One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.
#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow#someone should kiss me#and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons#i love#im so drunk#i too drunk#i stated typing thos at 12:30#imma smoke pot after i post this#if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags#i need to stop drinking by myself#if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes?#at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself#im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this#trans thought time#i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true#like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option#but is it the right option?#i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny#cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny#this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise#america sucks#capitalism sucks#love is such a bullshit thing#how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou#like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong#maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist#i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally#12:51 and i have one more short tag to add#i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh#but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you
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kentopedia · 9 months
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my christmas family get together has me emotional thinking about meeting kento’s parents 😔
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g0dtier · 1 year
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yall i went to a medieval fantasy fair festival thing for the first time of my life and definitely had some kind of sexual awakening at 28 years old
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musical-chick-13 · 6 months
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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freebooter4ever · 1 year
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So im still exhausted. I keep making dumb mistakes and doing stupid shit like leaving charging cords at work or at home. My coordination is gone, im tripping and knocking into things. My eyes feel sore??? All i want to do anymore is lie down and try to sleep. :/
I think i was running on pure adrenaline last week...and now that 'panic' mode is done my body is paying me back for all the stress. :( i barely slept the entire time i was traveling, i regularly drove for like 10+ hrs on next to no sleep which...yeah. I know. Dangerous. The constant tension of whether or not snow was going to make my next route passable, and worry over keeping other people's schedules. And then to get to my grandparents house and to find out they're not moving till may and the 'end of march' deadline was an arbitrary schedule that didnt actually matter. Im not mad, i cant be mad at them they're moving which is stress enough, im just...mourning my exhaustion and inability to function lol. Had they let me wait even one more month the snow and the insane storms would have been gone.
Anyway, just thinking about that feeling of 'safety' or 'comfort' and how precious a thing it is for me (and my sleep) . After my anxiety started growing worse it takes a LOT for me to feel 'safe' with someone or somewhere. My italian grandparent's house would be one, nick's sister's house would be another. And then my friends house in the mountains of oregon, who are just the kindest, most generous people. The two nights i spent there were literally the only times i slept last week.
Back in the fall of 2018, six months after grandpa died and still unemployed, i helped grandma travel by train to ohio, flew back to seattle, stayed with sanjeev for a week ish, and then started south to los angeles because i literally couldnt think of anywhere else to go. And these friends in oregon - they were off traveling at the time - let me stay in their house for over a week. I was so scared about the future, i was still grieving and feeling like a total ghost, still processing my dad's very friendly comment (when i asked him why he hadn't offered to let me stay in his house after i flew back from ohio) about how if i couldn't afford to house myself i deserved to be homeless.
(honestly that wasn't even the part that bothered me - i knew that about my dad from the time when i was a kid and he would point out homeless people to me and jokingly say 'that will be you as an artist!'. Instead of instilling fear in me though this backfired and all my charity work in high school dealt with homeless shelters lol. But no, the part that bothered me was how he tacked another comment onto the end - that life 'couldn't go back to how it was'. THAT was when i broke down crying in front of him because i think stupid me still genuinely believed that if i moved back to seattle my dad would go back to being my best friend and it'd be us against the world again.)(i saw him for five minutes in sac last week - he refused to even have lunch with us)
Instead in 2018 i was anchorless, emotionally disconnected from reality, and instead of comdemning me like everybody else in my family, my friends were like 'dont worry about it, the house is empty, please use it.' And i did! I was nervous at first. But then i started exploring the area - went to a bunch of state parks out in the middle of nowhere hidden in the high desert. Ended up LOVING one of them and collected those tacky tourist maps and just scribbled all my observations and tips on the best roads to drive/things to do/see onto the margins. And i collected all the brochures and compiled a kind of guide, and left it on the counter just in case my friends hadn't found that particular area to explore yet. And sure enough, they hadn't! To this day they still talk about how happy they were to have all these suggestions and things to see, and how that particular area is now one of their favorite places to visit. So what im saying is that's the only place i got any rest last week. Also those pancakes. I need to make those pancakes.
Anyway i'm just so fucking tired, man. This is the second 'vacation' where i've come back more exhausted than when i left, i think i need to do something differently. (also fuck you dad, five years in LA and not homeless once)
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diabolicjoy · 2 years
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#warning there’s too many typos but who cares#i’m always complaining to myself in my head about how me & my best friend have grown apart#we’ve spent all out teenage years doing everything together even though we weren’t from the same school#we’d still find ways to see each other if not every day then at least every month#& since she started college & then a relationship & then work we’ve just grown apart & it was embarrassing for me really because i was alwa#ys the depressed never busy always alone type & i always ended up felt clingy when asking to hang out#feeling*#specially because she’s a social butterfly & i’m the one who has social anxiety lol but it was always reassuring to have her by my side#during these social events#then the pandemic happened & after things went back to normal.. i can actually count on my finger how many times we’ve seen each other irl#also stopped texting each other which is an important detail considering we used to talk every single day#especially because she’s like. literally the only person i feel comfortable opening up abt things i wouldn’t tell anyone#so i just feel isolated & a bit lost in life without her presence in it... but i’m just a very insecure human & always feel like the plans#& little dates & things i come up & plan for us to do is just... super boring to her (or anyone else)#so i stopped trying completely. which is sad because i miss her immensely#but last november i went to a festival with some friends but felt super stressed on the first day but tried to hide it from everyone#because i don’t wanna ruin the whole trip by being moody so i just kept to myself#ended up feeling overwhelmed & on day2 of the festival we txt each other bc she’s gonna be there#so i just spent the entire day2 with her & her partner & we all had such an amazing time... it really revitalized me lol#& everything felt so familiar even though i hadn’t seen her since her bday in may..#& idk i just missed her. i always felt like this lack of talking & seeing each other just meant that they didnt like me as a friend anymore#or that i wasn’t worth keeping around... idk i’m always expecting the worse which is so unfair to the other person#i know she loves me & that life happens#anyway all that to say that i decided to stop being a pussy & stop mopping around#crying abt how i’m alone & friendless. & like. just text them & invite invite them to see a movie or something#idk if it didn’t work our 2 years ago life happens i am trying again#i won’t find someone like them that easily again in life i think
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pepprs · 2 years
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10 minutes left and then some clean up. i am absolutely fucking exhausted but also grateful for my friends and idk what the results even are but i think we’re going to be ok
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netscapenavigaytor · 1 year
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list of possible netscapenavigaytor tags:
something kind of insane and only tangentially relevant
talking about fictional character
hopefully genuinely thoughtful insight and commentary to the post at hand
deeply baring my soul for the whole fucking world to see
"this is so fucking swag awesomesauce badass"
#error 0#honestly i dont think i could ever totally click with any social media type site that doesnt let me make tons of commentary#without it getting in the way of others' blogging#i have so many thoughts! i have so many things to say!#i dont know how anyone can just silently reblog posts; are there no words in your head or do you prefer to keep them to oneself?#i dont say this as a statement of judgement of course becasue everyone lives the ultimate bloging their own way#but i cant imagine being given what is basically a free ''put commentary that doesnt interrupt the post'' box on every post#and then NOT using it constantly all the time#of course there are pros and cons to this - it is nice to have a diary of my thoughts but also at the same time#many things i say are a tad embarrassing to look back on.#but i would rather they continue to exist. i deleted too much of the picture of myself when i was much younger and i regret it dearly#but i promised to myself i wont obliterate the me i was in the past anymore. even if i say something embarassing#oh look here it is again - me talking too long tangentially related baring my soul in the tags#i like to spin around and talk in public to no one in particular in a place where no reply is necessarily Expected!#where i will be perceived but no other expectations exist. i get shy about it sometimes but#there's a sort of joy i get out of just logging my thoughts and feelings into this silly little blog!#and while i suppose it does not matter too much if it doesnt since i do this for myself#i do hope my rambles bring some small joy or entertainment to my followers#i mean i certainly must imagine the tags must be what you follow me for if ur not one of my personal friends LMAO#given how themeless and arbitrary this blog is#actually im curious now - if you read this far and youre not following me Just because we're friends#then what DO you follow me for? very interested to know#ok i need to go eat something i post this now and stop talking until i eat.
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chiisana-lion · 2 years
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suddenly feeling the urge to start a webcomic or smth
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kavehater · 4 months
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Truthfully it would be easier if I just isolate myself from everyone simply because after so long of just shoving things down and being told to shove things down and being told to get over it and stop being sensitive I’ve become so much more sensitive after being so unfeeling and it’s ruining everything
Not even having aventurine could fix this 😔🙏 LOLLL
#I cannot go a single day without that stomach drop feeling#for instance when someone says something vaguely allusive to another#when someone says something mean to someone else#when someone casually mentions something#that I have yearned for for so long or just genuinely really really want like it’s nothing and I’m like oh .#and the things I refer to are not material really they’re just some aspect of friendship#most of the time#Eris’ situation forced me to put a lid on me feeling this way so I can be more selfless to the struggles of others#I remember my heart just dropping when I was on the dash late at night and just seeing her talking with this one girl while she was activel#ignoring me and truthfully I got scared of myself for feeling that way because it felt sinful to be upset at something like that#I was so ashamed#but now this is daily#to me being friends doesn’t need such grand gestures I think truly the depth of things is measured the lack of hesitation to do the smalles#things#and truthfully I can do this for as many people as needed but it wouldn’t really be reciprocated#and it’s fine; me doing anything is kinda an act of charity I’m not expecting something back from someone specific#I just wish god could reward me with someone of my own is all#as the days go by I don’t even know how much more I can tolerate before things go awry#permanently#but I just get this feeling I won’t be around to find out what being normal feels like#I know life is unfair and acknowledge that I’m the first to do so#but there is no way it’s this unfair#it’s almost like knocking on a hollow object and you expect to hear some echo or reverberation but even that aspect is empty and soundless#uhhh yeah#so that’s on how I have such embarrassing and bad coping mechanisms#dora daily#because I genuinely do not feel comfort anymore with anything except a few random things and even those are constantly ruined#it’s why I can’t concentrate because I seek out those comfort activities just so I don’t panic but I get comfortable#but it’s too comfortable and doing anything apart from said things makes me panic again so I’m just stuck in a loop
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