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ginnsbaker · 1 year

Text

Maybe You Were The Ocean

Summary: Wanda was... an open-ended chapter in your life.

Word count: 6.3k+ | Tags: Heavy Angst, Character Death, Bittersweet ending

Ship: Wanda Maximoff x Gender Neutral Reader

Requested by @gingiesworld:

Y/N and Wanda have been together for a while and Pietro calls Y/N one night, needing a lift home from a friends party. On that night they get hit by another drunk driver and Pietro dies on impact. As time goes on and the other driver is arrested, y/n still blames themselves for Pietro's death. Even though Wanda continuously tries to tell them otherwise but they won't listen. They then yell at her "why don't you blame me? You should hate me for your brother dying." Before walking out. Can be either a happy or sad ending buddy. Whichever you decide

Author's note: I changed some minor details in the request, hope you don't mind Gingie. Thank you for this gut-wrenching monster, it allowed me to practice writing in past tense (so out of my comfort zone lol). Title is from "black flies" by ben howard, listen to that as well when you read ;)

Masterlist

Now

You haven't been to something like this in what seems like ages.

That something being a wedding.

And if you were to keep count, you'd realize you've been to more funerals than weddings in your lifetime so far.

Your best friend looks like a goddess in her white dress—and anyone with eyes can see that the groom is the luckiest man on earth.

You’re fixing your hair in front of the mirror when she approaches, wearing a smile that you’ve never seen on her, a smile you’d never be able to put on her lips yourself. It’s a smile reserved for him—that lucky bastard.

She gently taps on your shoulder. “You’re going to make me cry if you keep looking so stunning,” she teases, her voice light with laughter.

You chuckle, your eyes meeting hers in the mirror. “It's your day, and nothing can overshadow how beautiful you look.”

“Promise me something,” she says suddenly, her bright eyes locking onto yours.

“Anything,” you reply without hesitation.

“Promise me that you won’t stop looking for this kind of happiness. Promise me you'll find someone who puts that same smile on your face,” she whispers.

Your throat tightens, words caught somewhere between heartache and hope. “I promise.”

Then

You were eight years old when you moved to a new neighborhood.

At that age, it felt like the scariest thing that had ever happened to you. Your parents divorced, your mother got full custody, and once the judge made that call, she packed up everything familiar and moved you to a new state: New Jersey.

It was what she could manage back then. This place was nothing like the spacious suburbs you remembered, and your new apartment building seemed no bigger than your old living room back in California. The place had just one bedroom, and it was hard to tell where the dining area stopped and the kitchen started.

You resented her in the way a child might, not fully grasping responsibility or consequences. You were upset she took you away from your friends and the comfort of your old life. You didn’t see back then the bruises hidden beneath her shirt, the ones your father left. You only learned about them when you turned eighteen. By then, your resentment had faded long ago.

A week after moving into that aged building, you encountered the twins next door, Pietro and Wanda Maximoff. Initially, you met Pietro when his mother sent him over with some food to welcome you and your mom to the neighborhood. It wasn't until you and Pietro became inseparable friends, spending every possible moment together, that you met Wanda.

When you did meet her, you weren't fond of her. She seemed aloof and mostly kept to herself. Unlike her expressive brother, Wanda seldom voiced her thoughts, making conversations with her feel uninspiring.

You and Pietro often clashed with Wanda over the television. You both wanted to play video games while Wanda preferred her sitcoms. Pietro would let Wanda watch her shows briefly before forcefully switching channels just to annoy her. Eventually, Wanda would retreat to her room in tears, and Pietro would steel himself for a reprimand when their mother returned home.

You would give Wanda a piece of chocolate because you felt bad, but you never asked Pietro to stop, fearing he might stop being your best friend. In return, Wanda would lend you her pocketbooks you’d never quite finish.

You hadn't realized it back then, but that dynamic would continue well into your teen years. With Pietro stirring up trouble left and right, you being caught in the middle, and Wanda, from a distance, observing you with cautious interest—perhaps wishing it had been her who brought the welcoming food instead of her brother.

Now

The wedding isn’t going to start for another hour. There have been delays due to the weather.

With the archways and open corridors adorned with blooming flowers and drapes, the venue looks nothing short of magical, even with the looming clouds. From where you stand, you extend your arm, letting the light drizzle kiss your skin. Each droplet feels like nature's way of playing with the day's emotions—adding both melancholy and charm.

Someone nearby remarks, “You know it's considered good luck when it rains on one's wedding day.”

You merely smile politely in response.

“Are you a friend of the bride’s or the groom's?”

“The bride,” you reply.

“Oh, fantastic! Maybe you can convince her to finally see she’s way out of his league!”

You shake your head at the joke. It’s not even the first time you've heard it today.

Then

It wasn't until you were fifteen and Pietro, seventeen, that the troubles you found yourselves in became more serious.

It had also been a few months since Pietro introduced you to drugs other than weed. At first, it was just an occasional joint passed around at a party or behind the school building. But Pietro wanted to try riskier substances. You weren't as keen but didn't want to be left behind by your best friend.

One evening, after trying something a bit harder than usual, you and Pietro were wandering the streets, laughing way too loud. In his intoxicated state, Pietro suddenly swung at a parked car with his bat, smashing it. Almost immediately, patrol lights shone bright, and stern police voices could be heard from almost everywhere. Pietro got cornered, but sheer panic made you bolt. Ditching your best friend felt terrible, but the terrifying thought of jail—especially knowing the mess it'd be for your already stretched-thin mom—made you keep running.

Still shaken, you made your way to Pietro's apartment, knowing you had to be the one to tell his mother. Her reaction was a storm of emotions—anger, fear, desperation. She demanded you stay with Wanda while she went to confront the nightmare at the police station.

“I think I'll just head home,” you murmured to Wanda, not wanting to impose any further.

She glanced at you, her eyes searching. “Have you had dinner?”

You hesitated, then lied. “Yeah, I ate earlier.” The truth was your mom had been away for work for three days, and the fridge was almost bare.

The small home you came to know felt overwhelmingly spacious as you sat alone, burdened by the guilt of having left your best friend behind. But mere minutes after sinking into your worn-out couch, a knock came at your door. Opening it, you found Wanda, a bowl of steaming paprikash in her hands and a soft smile on her lips.

“I thought you might be hungry,” she said.

Your face lit up in relief at the sight of the food, more grateful than you could express. Just as you were about to thank her, your stomach betrayed you with an embarrassingly loud growl. Wanda let out a genuine laugh, and for a brief moment, you felt like a burden had been lifted.

“Guess I was right,” she teased, handing you the bowl.

As you eagerly began eating, Wanda settled opposite you, her expression growing serious again. “What were you two even thinking tonight?” she asked softly.

Swallowing, you sighed, “I tried to stop him, Wanda. But I couldn't talk him out of it.”

Wanda looked down, her fingers playing with a loose thread on the couch. “I don't blame you,” she finally said, her voice gentle, “I never do. In fact, I sometimes wonder how much worse he might've been without you around.”

A moment of silence hung between the two of you before Wanda whispered, more to herself than to you, “I'm so worried about next year.”

Curiously, you looked up from your food, "What do you mean?"

“Pietro's turning eighteen. He was supposed to get a baseball scholarship, but with this run in with the police, that’s probably hanging in the balance now…” she trailed off.

Your heart sank. You had known Pietro had big dreams tied to that scholarship, dreams that now seemed to be teetering on the brink. "And what about you, Wanda? What's your plan?"

Wanda took a deep breath, and her face lit up slightly, “I got accepted into Columbia. It's amazing, really. But…” She sighed, looking down, “Even with the scholarship they offered, I can't afford it. Plus, with everything going on, I think I need to be here, help Mom out, you know?”

“That's tough,” you whispered, feeling a pang of sadness for the bright future she might be putting on hold.

She nodded, “I'm thinking of starting work and maybe attending community college for a bit. It's not Columbia, but it's something.”

“That's... that's just unfair,” you whispered, setting down your bowl, your appetite momentarily forgotten. “If there's anyone who deserves to be at Columbia, Wanda, it's you.”

Wanda looked up, her eyes filled with something you didn’t recognize.

“I wish things were different,” you continued. “I've always thought of you as one of the most intelligent people I know. And not just smart, but kind... genuinely kind.”

She took in your words, the distance between you two closing slightly. “Thank you,” she murmured, her gaze never leaving yours.

Then, with a flash of resolve, she inched closer. “There's something I want to do,” she began, her voice a whisper. “Something I've wanted for a long time, but it never seemed right. I don't think there'll be another perfect moment, another chance. Not after tonight.”

Before you could process her words, she was leaning in, the space between you disappearing. Your eyelids dropped, and for a heartbeat, everything else melted away as her lips met yours.

For the longest time, nothing made sense to you. That was, until Wanda Maximoff kissed you.

Now

Your best friend's walk down the aisle feels like the longest part of the ceremony–at least to you. The sight is so magical that time seems to stand still. When you snap back to reality, the priest is asking if there's anyone in the crowd who wishes to object to the marriage.

Nobody breaks the silence which lasts a mere two seconds. It's a rarity these days for anyone to object. They only happen now in movies. Modern weddings are more intimate, almost closed-door affairs. The guest list is meticulously curated, ensuring anyone with a complex history with the bride or groom remains absent.

You watch the ceremony unfold, every word, every shared glance, making you feel more trapped by the promise you made earlier. You'd promised to chase that very kind of happiness, the kind that was unfolding right in front of you. Yet as you watch, there's this nagging feeling at the back of your mind, asking if you ever really will.

What they have feels like a world apart from where you're seated.

You try to be genuinely happy for your best friend, and on many levels, you are. But you–you’re the last person to believe you deserve even a fraction of such a miracle.

Then

The kiss, as Wanda had promised, never happened again.

At least not for the duration they remained neighbors. Soon after, she and Pietro moved to another town for their studies. As for you, you and your mother also moved shortly after their departure, to a nicer neighborhood that’s closer to Manhattan where you also transferred schools.

For five years, you didn't see either of them. No calls. Nothing on social media. But that didn't stop them from occasionally drifting into your thoughts. Especially that memory of your first kiss.

That was until one night, while dining alone in a midscale Soho restaurant, you looked up to find Wanda as your server.

She wore a simple black uniform that most servers donned, but she carried it with an elegance that made her stand out. For a moment, you thought she didn't recognize you, as she professionally presented the menu and described the evening's specials without missing a beat. But then, as she was turning to leave your table, she paused and looked directly into your eyes.

“It's been a long time,” she said, her voice becoming more familiar as she shed her professional facade.

You nodded, struggling to find the right words. “Yeah, it really has. I didn't expect to see you here.”

She smiled, a little sadly. “Life takes us to unexpected places sometimes. I... well, I needed a job while I finish my degree.”

You both chatted briefly, catching up on lost time, but Wanda was called away to attend to other patrons. As she bustled about, you found it difficult to focus on your meal, your gaze repeatedly drawn to her fluid movements around the room. Every so often, your eyes would meet, and she'd offer a fleeting smile, a touch of color rising to her cheeks.

After a while, you signaled for the check. Wanda was quick to bring it over, her fingers brushing against yours as she handed it to you.

“How's Pietro?” you asked tentatively.

Wanda hesitated, her eyes betraying her composure. “He was released from prison about a month ago,” she began, taking a deep breath. “It was tough, but he's doing better now. Trying to change, you know? And he... he misses you.”

Baseball never happened for him. College too. You wished you hadn’t lost your connection together. Perhaps you could have made a difference.

“I'm sorry,” you murmured. “Life just... took over.”

Wanda nodded with understanding, but remained silent.

As you prepared to leave, Wanda slipped a note along with your bill. It read, “It was good to see you again. Maybe we shouldn't wait another five years?”

Beneath these words, Wanda had also written down her phone number.

You waited a total of three days to call Wanda.

Wanda was... an open-ended chapter in your life. It wasn’t that you hadn’t been with other women since she stole your first kiss, but she remained a persistent afterthought in every relationship of yours that ended.

It didn't help that you'd left a bookmark in her chapter, aware that revisiting it had the potential to alter the trajectory of everything.

The line rang twice before a familiar voice answered, “Hello?”

“Hey, it's me,” you hesitated for a moment, wondering if she would recognize your voice after all these years, “From the restaurant, the other night?”

There was a brief pause, then her tone softened, “I hoped you'd call.”

You were grinning so hard that it didn’t occur to you that you hadn’t responded to her in a while when she gently teased, “Took you long enough.”

“Three days isn’t that long,” you defended with a slight chuckle.

“Well, in the grand scheme of things, no. But in the context of us? It felt like an eternity,” she admitted.

And it truly felt that way. Finding Wanda over the past several years hadn't been impossible or even especially hard. Yet, both of you had consciously let things drift. You had navigated through college, and Wanda, well, she'd been engaged in whatever endeavors she had pursued.

But that night, it felt right to call her. And you hadn’t realized you were waiting to find her again.

You and Wanda scheduled to meet some time during the week and the conversation should’ve ended there. But neither of you wanted to hang up, and Wanda quickly asked about your college experience and the new neighborhood you'd settled into after their departure. By the time you both ended the call, nearly two hours had passed, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

It was evident; the bookmark you'd placed hadn't lost its page and it was easy to ease once more into its pages.

Now

The sun has set when the newly-wedded couple finally arrives at the reception.

You're seated at a table filled with strangers, but your best friend made sure to place you next to a woman she's been raving about—one she's suggested more than once you should date.

Her name is Natasha and she’s gorgeous beyond words. She's so striking that you find yourself wondering if she's even your type. Typically, you've steered clear of people who seem universally more attractive than you, a defense mechanism to sidestep lingering insecurities from over the years.

But as she leans into your personal space, you can’t help but respond to every question and laugh at every joke she throws your way.

Maybe it’s safe to let yourself enjoy this, even just for tonight.

Then

It was scarcely two weeks since that encounter with Wanda at the restaurant, and there you were, in her bed.

It was cramped and the air conditioning kept failing many times during the day.

But you didn’t care.

You had known this woman for almost your entire life, and you'd waited just as long to be in her bed like this: with your arm growing numb under her weight, her head resting on your chest, and your nose buried in her hair.

She stirred slightly, her fingers tracing patterns on your chest. “Did you ever think...?” she began, voice hesitant.

“Think what?” you prompted, adjusting slightly so you could see her face.

“That we'd end up here, like this?” she whispered, her eyes searching yours.

You smiled, thinking back. “I don't know if I let myself think about it. But I hoped.”

She chuckled softly, her breath warm against your skin. “I had a feeling you'd say that.”

The sheets beneath you were thin and had seen better days, but it didn't matter. The world outside, with its faint hum of city life, seemed so far away. Yet, the world outside seemed irrelevant. All that mattered was the rhythm of her breathing syncing with yours and the warmth of her body next to you.

Every so often, she'd shift, mumbling half-formed sentences that would make you chuckle.

“Is the penguin wearing a bowtie?” she murmured in her half-asleep state.

You laughed softly. “What penguin?”

“The one in my dream,” she mumbled, snuggling closer to you. “He's quite the gentleman.”

“Sounds like a classy penguin,” you teased.

She smiled faintly, her eyes still closed. “He reminds me of you, in a way.”

“Oh? So, I'm a penguin now?” you quipped, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“In the best way,” she whispered, pulling you closer. “My dapper penguin.”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Only you would dream of something like that.”

“And only you,” she murmured, lips against your chest, “Would be there in that dream with me.”

While Wanda seamlessly reintegrated into your life, with Pietro, however, things weren't as straightforward. His past, speckled with run-ins with the law and a battle against addiction, made you and Wanda wary of him, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You could tell he was on the mend though, especially when six months into your relationship with Wanda, Pietro was able to hold a job for that same duration. Yet, his living situation with Wanda was far from ideal. Their apartment was snug, to say the least. His room was barely big enough to fit his bed.

You wished you could help, but with college expenses looming over you, your hands were tied. The thought of asking Wanda to move in with you played on your mind constantly. It seemed like the ideal solution: she would have a more stable environment, and Pietro could fully occupy the apartment, giving him some semblance of independence.

“What do you think about moving in with me? I know it's soon, but…” you asked her one night in the quiet confines of your dorm room.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to live here with you,” Wanda said, a bit amused at your suggestion.

“I didn’t mean here,” you replied. “I meant finding an apartment for the two of us.”

“That’s just adding more expenses, Y/N. I can’t let you do that when you can stay here without any costs,” Wanda countered.

You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck. “It's not about the money, Wands. It's about... us. Having a place of our own. And it would also give Pietro the whole apartment.”

Wanda's eyes met yours, searching for a hidden meaning. “Are you saying that because of Pietro? You think he's a burden?”

You quickly shook your head. “No, no, it's not that. I just... I see how much you worry about him.”

Your fingers found hers, lacing together as you both sat on the edge of your bed. “I get it,” you began, exhaling softly, “But I thought about Pietro too. He’d have the apartment all to himself. More space, more independence.”

Wanda's eyebrows knit together in concern. “And what if he…” she hesitated, searching for the right words, “Relapses or needs me?”

You tightened your grip around her hand. “We wouldn't be too far, Wanda. And maybe giving him that space and trust will help him more than you think.”

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I know you're thinking of what's best for all of us, but Pietro's situation has always been so... fragile.”

Wanda looked at you, her eyes filled with emotion. “I'll think about it,” she whispered.

“Take your time,” you replied, pressing a soft kiss on her knuckles. “Whatever you decide, I'm with you every step of the way.”

“Promise me,” Wanda said, her eyes hardening, like she’s on the verge of tears or something worse. “Promise you’ll be with me always.”

You leaned in, brushing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Always.”

Now

“It’s not everyday you find the person you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.”

Short and sweet, but that's your whole speech, cliches and all.

“I never thought I'd see the day,” you start, nodding towards the newlyweds with a smirk. “But hey, miracles happen.” You raise your champagne glass. “To two people who finally figured it out. Cheers.”

Your best friend laughs, rolling her eyes affectionately at you. “Trust you to keep things real,” she murmurs, clinking her glass with yours.

And that’s when you see her, amongst the cheering crowds.

In the middle of all the people, she stands out. Always has. It doesn't matter where or when, you can always spot her. Your heart skips a beat, just like it always does. It's like everyone else fades a bit, and she's the only one in focus.

Wanda Maximoff.

Pristine in a scarlet trumpet gown, her hair pulled into a tight, strict bun. A few stray tendrils of hair have escaped the bun, framing her face in a way that gives her an almost ethereal quality.

As you take a moment to really look at her, you notice the fine details. The way the light catches the small diamond earrings she wears, making them shimmer just so. The delicate curve of her collarbone, revealed by the gown's off-the-shoulder design. And her eyes—always her captivating eyes–that hold an entire galaxy, scanning the room until they land on you.

The shock in her eyes mirrors yours, and for a moment, everything else blurs. Your legs wobble, threatening to give way beneath you. The room's atmosphere grows thick, or perhaps you're just struggling to catch your breath.

Beside you, the bride and your best friend, Maria, notices your sudden change in demeanor and follows your gaze to its source.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

You manage a shaky head shake in response, pushing through the crowd to escape the room. But you can hear Maria, not too far behind, calling after you.

Then

“So, Maria,” Wanda began once your friend had left and it was just the two of you in the cafe. You had been so keen for the two of them to meet. But with Maria spending a whole semester in Germany as an exchange student, their only prior meeting had been a brief video call that interrupted one of your dates with Wanda.

“How did you two get so close?”

“Did I never tell you about that?”

Wanda shook her head, taking a sip from her now lukewarm cappuccino.

“Freshman year. We were looking for this book and it only had one copy in the school library, and believe it or not, we reached for it at the same time,” you recounted with a wistful smile.

Wanda's face shifted ever so slightly, a change you didn't quite catch.

“We both really needed it badly, so we promised to take turns using it, and we ended up studying together for weeks.”

“That sounds like something out of a movie,” Wanda mused, her fingers tracing the rim of her cup.

“It kind of felt like that,” you admitted, laughing softly. “From bickering about who would get the book on Mondays to sharing our notes and coffee breaks. Before we knew it, we were inseparable.”

Wanda hummed, her eyes flitting restlessly around you.

“What is it?”

Wanda shrugged. “Nothing.”

You frowned slightly, knowing her well enough to see past her facade. “Wands, come on,” you coaxed. “Talk to me.”

She looked away for a moment, collecting her thoughts. “It's just... it's hard sometimes, hearing about these memories you shared with someone else, when I wish I had been there with you.”

“Wanda,” you began gently, “There are moments in your past that I wasn't a part of. But what matters is now. Right here, with you.”

She sighed, her posture deflating a little. “I know. It's silly, isn't it? To be jealous of a close friend of yours.”

“If it makes you feel this way, then it's valid, no matter how silly you think it might be,” you assured her.

She leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling. “Growing up, our worlds were confined to that same apartment building. The people, the routines, everything was predictable. And now... being out in the world, seeing you connect with others, it's just... intimidating. And, honestly, a little scary.”

You paused, smirking a bit. “You know,” you began, but Wanda cut in, “What?”

“It's just...Do you even know how happy you make me?” you said, a bit sheepishly.

She looked like she was about to say something, but you quickly added, “Seriously, Wands.”

Wanda blinked, clearly taken aback. “You have this strange way of turning things around,” she said with a soft chuckle, her face turning a shade pinker.

“Because I love you.”

Neither of you had said it up until now. And it’s quickly evident that it was the right thing to say, at the right moment.

She took a deep breath, her fingers fidgeting with her cup. “You always jump in headfirst, don't you?” Then, looking up into your eyes, she added softly, “I love you too.”

You grinned, feeling a weight lifted. “Took you long enough.”

Now

The grand ballroom doors open with a soft whoosh, the muted melodies of a string quartet drifting into the cool night. You step out quickly, breathing in deep gulps of fresh air, your heart pounding against your ribcage. Memories of Wanda Maximoff, which you've tried hard to keep buried, surge to the forefront of your mind.

Maria, noticing your abrupt exit, quickly follows you out. “Hey,” she calls out softly, her heels clicking on the stone path as she reaches you. “Are you okay?”

“Why is she here?” you exclaim, the pitch of your voice inching towards a sharp octave.

Maria gently grabs your arm, offering solace. “I had no idea she'd be here. I promise. She must be someone’s plus one.”

You swallow hard, trying to steady your suddenly spinning surroundings.

“Y/N?”

“I'm okay, Maria,” you say, forcing a weak smile. “Sorry about this. It's your wedding, and you shouldn't be out here with me. Go back, enjoy your day.”

She looks conflicted, torn between staying by your side and going back to her new spouse and guests.

After a moment, Maria steps forward, enveloping you in a tight hug. “Promise me you'll be okay?”

You nod, hugging her back. “That’s too many promises in one day. But yeah, I’ll be okay.”

It’s just Wanda, you tell yourself.

Just the girl who could always bring out that special smile in you—the same one Maria had when she said, “I do.”

Then

The call came unexpectedly in the middle of the night.

You and Wanda had been dozing in her room for a few hours, following a particularly exhausting fight that concluded with even more exhausting—and mind-blowing—make-up sex.

“Hello?”

“Y/N!” You instantly recognized Pietro’s voice. “Hey, listen, can you pick me up? I'm at a bar,” Pietro said, his voice tinged with guilt and slight slurring. “I... I swear I didn't do anything. I got promoted to store manager and I treated a few colleagues to celebrate. I'm a bit tipsy so I... I'm sorry to bother you.”

There was a pause, and you ran a hand through your hair, exchanging a glance with Wanda who now sat up with a worried look.

“Which bar?” you asked, trying to keep yourself calm.

“Mike’s Tavern,” he mumbled, sounding embarrassed.

Taking a deep breath, you grabbed your keys from the nightstand. “Alright, I'm on my way. Stay put.”

Wanda frowned, her gaze conflicted. “I want to come with you,” she said, her brows furrowing together in concern and sleepiness.

“You should stay,” you said, sliding into your jeans. “It's a bit of a drive to New Jersey. You've had a long day, and you need to rest. I'll handle this.”

She bit her lip, torn, but finally nodded. “Please be safe. Call me if anything happens, okay?”

“I will,” you said, leaning down to give her a brief kiss on the forehead before making your way out.

You didn't call Wanda on your way back from New Jersey, but not because nothing occurred.

Rather, something did happen, and you weren't conscious enough to make the call.

You and Pietro made it to the hospital.

Wanda was an emotional wreck, grappling with the challenge of dividing her attention between her brother in ICU and you being wheeled into a separate ward.

An hour later, she didn't need to decide any longer.

Pietro Maximoff's time of death was called just as you started regaining consciousness.

The days following Pietro's death were a blur. You'd wake up, immediately feeling the weight of the world pressing down, your every moment drenched in guilt in the form of alcohol and, sometimes, your own vomit.

Though you weren't close to Pietro anymore, he was slowly turning his life around. And while a drunk truck driver caused the accident, your own haste to get back to Wanda made you reckless.

That choice haunted you daily.

That choice made you believe that Wanda hated you in secret.

You began avoiding Wanda, her presence a haunting reminder of the brother she lost and, in a twisted way, the brother you felt responsible for losing. The relationship you cultivated turned into something that only existed as a label. Otherwise, it didn’t exist at all. It faded, just like the gash on your face that you acquired from the accident.

Nights blurred into days, and sometimes, it was hard to tell which was which. Friends would find you in bars or on the rooftops, looking worse for wear, lost in your thoughts. Yes, Wanda grieved, but she was also lost without you by her side. She yearned for your comfort, your grounding presence; instead, all she got was your voicemail.

The breaking point came on an evening when she didn’t hear from you for two weeks. On a hunch, she decided to visit your dorm room. The last thing she expected was to find Maria there. While the situation was innocent enough, to Wanda's overwhelmed and grieving heart, it felt like a betrayal. Maria, sensing the rising tension, made a hasty exit, leaving the two of you alone.

Wanda's eyes glittered with rage and sadness. “Is this it?” she demanded. “Is this how we handle grief? You shut me out and bring her in?”

You looked away, the walls you had put up to protect yourself now seeming like a prison. “It's not about Maria,” you murmured, your voice empty, almost lifeless.

Wanda's red-rimmed eyes searched yours, looking for a glimmer of the person she loved. “Then what is it? Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“Why don't you blame me?” you suddenly screamed, tears blurring your vision. “You should hate me for your brother dying!”

For a few moments, there was a deafening silence, interrupted only by your quiet sobs.

Wanda's hands cupped your face, forcing you to meet her eyes. “I've never blamed you. Not once.”

You remained quiet, refusing to let Wanda lift your chin from your chest.

Wanda continued, “Life is a series of 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. You can't control everything. And neither can I. We both lost him, Y/N. I don’t need more loss by losing you too.”

“Maybe you already have,” you whispered, finally looking into her eyes.

Wanda's voice cracked, “You can't be serious. What are you saying?”

You felt drained, worn out. “I don't know how to be us anymore, Wanda.”

She looked devastated. “So you're just walking away? Because we're hurting?”

You just wanted to be able to breathe again. You just wanted all of the pain to end, even if it meant letting her go.

Wanda's face crumpled, her voice rising. “So, that's it? You're just giving up?”

You could barely muster the strength to speak. "I just think... maybe it's easier this way."

“Easier for whom?” Wanda yelled, unable to hold everything back any longer. “I don't need easy, Y/N. I need you. But if you're so set on this, then be honest with me.”

You took a deep breath, your throat tight. “I think we need space, Wanda. A break.”

For a moment, it looked like Wanda might collapse. She took a step back, her gaze cold and hard. “You think a break will fix this? Fine. But don't expect me to be here waiting when you come around.”

Without another word, she turned on her heel and left.

The last image of Wanda Maximoff etched into your mind as you closed her chapter.

Now

You half-expect her to seek you out after you left the reception. So, when the familiar scent of Wanda’s perfume wafts over, you keep your back turned, taking a long drag from your cigarette rather than acknowledging her arrival.

“Can I bum one?” she asks, her voice softer than the last time you heard it.

You hand her a cigarette without a word, watching her closely as she lights it. Her fingers, slender and pale, bring the cigarette to her lips, and she takes a long drag, exhaling with a sigh.

She looks so different, yet so achingly familiar.

Her hair is red—a detail you missed earlier. But now, standing this close to her, you can pick out everything that’s changed about her.

And you hate how good you are at doing just that.

For a few minutes, both of you stand in silence, letting the smoke swirl around in patterns before it gets carried away by the wind.

Wanda breaks the silence. “It's been a while.”

“Did you know it was Maria’s wedding?” you ask, finally gathering the courage to look at her.

She hesitates, exhaling a plume of smoke before admitting, “Yes, I did. But explaining to Steve our... complicated history and why I'd refuse to be his plus one seemed harder than just going with it.”

“Steve?”

She looks down, taking a moment before murmuring, “Steve’s my fiancé.”

Your eyes instinctively flit to her left hand, landing on the glimmering diamond ring. It's large and hard to miss, and you almost want to laugh that you hadn’t noticed before.

There’s a long pause between you both before you find your voice. “Congratulations, Wanda.” And to your own surprise, you genuinely mean it.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, an action you still find so endearing after all these years. But you’re not supposed to find anything about her endearing anymore. They’re not supposed to make your heart race. They’re not supposed to make you feel light-headed with desire.

It hits you painfully just how possible it is to stand mere inches from someone, yet feel oceans apart.

Wanda takes a deep breath, releasing it shakily.

“You know,” Wanda says, her voice soft, “I never really got to apologize for how things ended between us.” She shakes her head slowly, tears forming in her eyes. “I was angry, hurt... lost. And when you tried to come back, I was already seeing someone else. By that time–”

“–so much has happened and I’ve hurt you too much,” you finish for her, a pained smile on your lips. “I’m sorry too.”

Wanda's breath hitches, and for a moment, she's transported back to your dorm room. She's spent a long time wondering what might have happened if she had stayed. But that choice belongs to a different timeline, a version of her that might have been braver than she feels now.

You pause, glancing at your hands before meeting her eyes. “Are you happy, Wanda?” A part of you hopes she's found happiness, yet another selfish part wishes she hasn't—because if she hasn't, maybe there's still a space for you in her life.

Wanda meets your gaze, her eyes shining with a clarity you hadn't seen in years. “I am happy,” she confirms softly.

The unexpected rush of emotion tightens your throat, and your eyes mist over. But you fight it, forcing a big smile that wrinkles the corners of your eyes.

“That's great, Wanda,” you say. Your heart aches a bit, thinking how happiness can feel like a double-edged sword.

Reading your expression, she asks, “What about you? Are you happy?”

You promised Maria you won’t stop looking for the kind of happiness that brings people together.

So, now you hang onto the hope of that promise.

“Getting there,” you answer, the corners of your mouth lifting ever so slightly, “I will be.”

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x you #wanda maximoff #unbetad #my writing #my fic #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen #wanda maximoff fanfiction #natasha romanoff #oneshots #steve rogers #wanda maximoff au #maria hill #bittersweet ending

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masonmiamor · 2 years

Text

the cause and the fixing - - mason mount x reader.

gif by @christian-pulisic!!

Summary: After Mason reveals his true feelings, you’re left stuck feeling hopeless and utterly confused on where you lie.

request are open!

“You've been avoiding me…”

The sudden deep and low voice startles you, you look up and see Mason standing in the doorway of Kai and Sophia's house. You look back down and finish cutting the cilantro they needed outside for the marinate. You try to control your breathing, to make yourself seem unbothered and calm, but it's hard to do that especially when he looks so good.

A black tee, with his usual navy green cargo pants, his new hair fixing it all together. His footsteps get nearer to the kitchen island making it known to you he won't stop until you give him a good reason. You continue cutting the cilantro and began placing it in a small container, preparing yourself to make a run for it. But he beats you to it. Tapping you by placing his hand on the counter, the other one rubbing his jaw.

“Y/n… tell me why you've been avoiding me,” his tone of voice sounding almost hurt and disappointed. How can you tell him without ruining things? Tell him you're in love with him all of the sudden? That anytime you want to meet someone new, you look for him in them? That you wish right now you could be wrapped together watching the sunset? No, you couldn't.

“I’ve been busy with Uni, and work. I haven't gotten a day off since all of these upcoming holidays that are coming around soon. I don’t owe you-”

“Bullshit!” he spits out, frowning and fluttering his brows. “You have been avoiding. Not once have you communicated with me tonight or these past weeks. You just went out with your girlfriends the other day, and don't lie, I saw the photos and videos,” his words cause your mouth to agape. You were definitely caught off guard, not expecting him to confess he’s been watching you.

“I already said I’ve been at Uni and work, I don't owe you or anyone explanations. This is just me…” you shrug your shoulders, coming off slightly passive-aggressive. He gives you a knowing and unconvinced look, “Tell me y/n… I know there's something you're not telling me, I thought we were friends that could trust each other,” he states. You grimace at the word friends… ‘he doesn't feel the same at all. He doesn't like or even love you Y.n! Wake up and move one’ you thought.

A moment of silence passes, and you shift your weight from one leg to another suddenly becoming shy and small against his taller figure. You look up and lock eyes with his now softer brown ones. His hand is no longer propping himself up, now slowly reaching up to your cheek, where he rubs his thumb over the small and unnoticeable imperfections. He gulps heavily, the tension slowly growing in the proximity of your bodies.

Your pulses raise almost as if you could hear it in the silent room, your breathing rapidly grows but you try to play it off. You gaze over his freckles, the small scar on his lip and upper brow, and his longer slightly curved lashes back down to the small moles on his cheeks and neck. You slowly lift your hand and pull his off your cheek gently, watching the visible wounding look on his face, completely confused and shocked.

“I have to go outside. They need me, if you'll excuse me,” you whisper almost afraid you let your true emotions and feelings out. “Y/n,” he calls out his voice stern and serious as you walked away holding the container. But you don't listen just letting your feet and body guide you outside with the rest of the crowd. You fight back the tears wanting to come down, trying to stop your shaky hands from collapsing.

To say you were feeling watched was an understatement. How could you not feel his long stares and gazes from time to time? The fact he stared right exactly at you when he spoke to his friends around him? Mason couldn't keep his eyes on you all night, thinking back to the way you've been distant and ignorant. But why though, what had he done to make you feel this way exactly? Or who?

Soon after you found yourself growing tired, it had been a couple of hours since you last saw him, and now all you desired was to be at home and maybe cry. He was nowhere to be found though, not outside or inside, completely gone. With courage and strength, you said goodbye to everyone, promising Sophia you'd make it to brunch next week on monday.

“I better see you there Y/n! I miss our dates together, and honestly, I need to be out sometimes,” she laughs making you smile. “I'll be there, and maybe with a small gift too,” you tease and wink at her. She hugs you tight and kisses your cheek before making your way out. When you step outside you see his car and him driving off.

All the overwhelming feelings got the best of you for the rest of the week, making it hard for you to focus since you were so distracted. Your professor even called you out for, embarrassing you infront of everyone. That Saturday evening someone knocked on the door leaving nothing but a package you had not placed or ordered. Inside was a gold necklace with a heart and infinity sign. You left it in the front, obviously not yours.

The next morning you woke up with a text from Mason asking if you could talk but you didn’t respond. Not mentally prepared to face him after everything. You had the whole day to clean and prepare for Monday. Sophia had reminded you about your brunch and you sent her your outfit to confirm everything, to say the least, she was over the moon.

The morning before Valentine's day you got up early to make yourself look somewhat presentable. You curled your hair slightly, applied makeup, a darker lip, and even some falsies that you like to go along. Your outfit was a long sleeve short black dress, some tights, and heeled boots, your dark red trench coat was the cherry on top. You grabbed a beanie, scarf, and some gloves in case the weather decided to drop a bit more. You placed some gold jewelry and grabbed your wallet making sure everything you needed was inside.

The restaurant was not that far so the drive was easier than in past times. You met Sophia inside, your waiter coming along and asking for drinks. You went with a cup of juice rather than something bitter, while Sophia ordered a cappuccino. “You know who asked about you yesterday?” Sophia said then took a sip of her coffee. You had an idea of who but you didn't want to say it out loud, you shrug your shoulders and spoke.

“Who?”

“Mason. Well, he sort of asked me more. He wanted to know how you were doing and if you received a package. But he just looked so disheveled and upset Y/n. I don’t know, Kai and I have never seen him like this,” she says. The package? That was from him? He didn't leave a note or anything?

“Did something happen between you? You look tense and pale,” she retorted, you could hear the worry and nervousness in her voice. You sigh, your shoulders dropping, “I’ve been avoiding him… Mason, I haven't spoken to him.”

“Okay uhm-, I may need more information as to why… Did he say or do something? Or?” she says shifting in her seat. Your leg bounces up and down, suddenly feeling the attention on you. You fidget with your ring and look up at her, her lips pressed together waiting patiently. “If you don’t want to tell me that's okay too! I don’t want to force you or anything like that-”

“No no no, it's okay! Maybe talking it out is what I need to do…” you utter.

~~~~~

You went out for a small get-together but shocker! The house was filled with strangers partying as if their lives depended on it. You felt dizzy and slightly tipsy, still coherent about your surroundings. After using the upstairs bathroom you went down and walked through the crowds of bodies. The smell of sweat and weed knocks your senses. But before you could make it to the kitchen you stop dead in your tracks.

“You taking Y/n home or what?” teased Ben, making Mason snicker out a laugh. “You're hilarious absolutely not!” his groupie chuckled. “Oh cmon Mase, when are you going to admit it and finally ask her out?” spoke Christian.

“What are you guys on about? I do not like Y/n whatsoever. We're friends buts that's it. She is stunning but she's not for me, I'm too focused right now on football. That’s my priority.” mason said in an obvious tone. Your heart shattered a bit, misreading the whole situation.

He was the one that invited you here tonight, practically begging you to come as he didn't want to go alone.

“Man, please! She's so into you, she makes it obvious sometimes, and you do too. The hand holding, your hand on her waist sometimes. You make her giggle when you whisper into her ear? That fact you've told us she's off limits? Yeah just friends my ass,” snorted Reece.

Did you really make it that obvious? Your cheeks burned red in embarrassment as he called you out. Maybe you did interpret the situation wrong and he didn't feel the same way. You imagined after spending an incredibly close time together he may feel something.

He always kissed your temple when he greeted you, hugged you tightly after a long day, and sent you random videos he finds interesting or funny, and the way he remembers even the smallest details. The fact he is completely different around you than he is with his friends, is more real and humble. This wasn't the Mason you grew to know?

“I don't know what you want me to say or expect me to do. I already told you guys I’m single and that's it. I'm not interested in her at all. Me and her are friends and simply that. And she's off limits because I know the type you guys are. Don’t need her getting hurt by you?” Mason conspicuous.

You listen all along as they tease and sometimes laugh, all while as you silently cry. You keep it together for the sake of not trying to ruin the vibe. When he meets up with you after a while he apologizes for leaving you and kisses your head, holding you tightly against him. It suddenly didn't feel right, and he could sense it.

“You okay?” his voice strained with uneasiness. “I'm fine, just tired and hot. I'm going home soon,” you tell him. He completely believes you and locks your hands together, bringing them up to his lips where he kisses your knuckles. “Just let me know so we can go home.” Your stomach turns at the intimate gesture, your eyes slightly burning.

Does he not realize what he's doing? That this isn't what friends do? That it feels so wrong yet right? That he says ‘home’ as if you were living there. “I'm going with Sophia actually, I do not want to bother or spoil the night,” you lie, offering a smile and watching as his eyes soften at your tone. “You don't ever do that Y/n. I love spending time with you. It's special and truly one of a kind…”

He gets up and leaves again after 10 minutes. When you go and find him to tell him you're leaving, you see Mason talking with a blonde, smirking at her. The disgust, rage, and pain you feel. ‘He was never yours, and never will be..’ you think. You regret coming as you make a run for it, trying to forget this ever happened.

~~~~~

“What a fucking prick! And he has the nerve to still ask about you?” exclaims a now furious and frustrated Sophia. You chuckle and sigh more deeply than before. “It's whatever now. I look stupid and he's out there living the dream!” you say sarcastically and Sophia gives you a sad look.

“I do think you should talk to him though… if you want…” she offers. You strain out a laugh, “And say exactly what? ‘I overheard you the other day, and by the looks of it, you want to remain just as friends?’ ‘Mason I like you but you don't look at me the same way?’”

“It hit me already we weren't meant to be, and that's completely okay! I'm not going to force him to be with me, like he said his main priority is football. I can’t be a distraction or hold him back from what he wants… something he's sacrificed and worked long for” you express. “If it isn't meant to be it won't ever happen or work out. I can't keep that slightest bit of hope forever that one day he changes his mind and might like or love me in a way, it will mess with my head.”

“Ive been hurt in the past before, and it took a hell of a long time to even open up to people. I’ve learned and I’ve lost, and I won't put myself through what I went through,” you say softly. Sophia remains quiet, not knowing what to say or do, but she asks you something that makes you laugh painfully inside, “Do you love him?”

“Yes… and it scares the living crap out of me. But what is love?”

~~~~~

After brunch you go to work, wanting to groan at the number of paperwork that's waiting for you at your desk. You greet the receptionist and go up the elevator to your floor. You attend a small and quick meeting and catch up with some colleagues. You close your office door and stumble back at the big bouquet of white and red roses at your desk. “What the fu-”

You walk over to investigate it, seeing no note once again. Your phone pings and you look down to see who it was.

Mason

I hope you enjoy the roses. We need to talk y/n. It's driving me insane, I just need to see you. Please just talk to me.

And so you agree… like the old times before. The whole day was filled with nothing but anxiety and nerves. You agree to meet at your flat, so you pass by and buy some groceries to make dinner. A bottle of wine if case things end up going the wrong way…

You stumble around trying to find your keys, but your hands are full of bags. “Here let me help,” Mason's voice startles you almost dropping your bag and groceries. But all you do is watch as he takes some bags and unlocks your flat door. “Is that it? Or is there more stuff in the car I can go get?” you eye him suspiciously as his body language is off and tense. Is he nervous?

“That's all of it,” you say deadpan walking into the kitchen and beginning to put stuff away. He follows you like a lost puppy but still helps put items in their place. The closeness of your bodies again makes the tension rise in the room. The air feels hot and almost claustrophobic. He watches and hears as your heeled boots click against the ground.

That's when he finally takes a good look at you, your hair curled and parted to your favorite side, your makeup is fully done, the long dark red trench coat, but what makes him clear his throat is when you remove it and sees the tight black dress fitting perfectly against your figure. Resisting the temptation to pull you close, and trace his hands over your curves.

“Would you like anything to drink or eat for the moment?” you say shyly as you felt his gaze on you. He shakes his head still dazed and looking at you, ‘Is this real?’ Mason thought. “I’m okay for now thank you,” he mutters out finally. You nod and go to the sink to wash your hands. Mason feels even more confused and off. Why were you acting like this?

“I didn’t expect for things to turn out this way for us,” Mason says out of the blue. Your chest feels heavy and full, but you manage to face and look up at him, “What do you mean?” you almost plead. He walks around over to you, “I mean for us to go from being so close to acting like strangers…” he whispers.

“You’ve been avoiding me, and I want, no, need to know why Y/n,” he begs. You cross your arms so he wouldn’t see your shaky hands. “So please let’s do us both a favor and talk. To mend and fix things between us. Isn’t that what people do? Talk it out?” he questions.

“Are you seriously going to act like that and avoid what you said?” you say angrily. He stares at you dumbfounded, “That’s the thing though, I don’t know what I said. So please help me out here.”

“Y/n and I are just friends, nothing more. Oh but wait suddenly I'm off limits?” you quote back to the party. He puts two and one together but before he could speak you cut him off. “Yes. I did overheard, I tried not to but that’s hard when someone or a group is speaking about you,” you defended.

“Y/n…” your name coming off slowly and hesitantly from him. “I don’t know why you’re wasting your time here, we’re just friends. Friends just check in then and there, just a quick update and that’s all. Friends don’t almost kiss each other goodbye or cuddle on the couch, they totally do not whatsoever go on dates and hold hands, or do what the other person enjoys doing. Friends are friends,” you rant.

He just stares at you, feeling his throat go dry. “You wanted to talk but you’re suddenly quiet. What’s up? Cat got your tongue,” this new you slightly intimidated Mason. “We’re not just friends, and you know what,” Mason finally objected making you scoff. “I don’t want to lose you Y/n, i’ll never forgive myself for that, but we both know and can’t deny that we’re just friends.”

“What happened to football being your main priority? Did that sudden change how you feel too or?” you acknowledge humorously. “I’m not going to sit here and beg for you to tell me you feel the same way. I don’t know if I believe you…” you continued. “But I do feel the same way… The exact same feelings you get…” he blurts.

You shook your head, and looked down. He steps closer to you grabbing your sides, you feel how they tingle at his touch. “I can tell you right now exactly how I feel about you without feeling shy or scared.”

“It’s the way you make me smile or laugh for no reason, that you always see the positive despite it being negative, you come up with the craziest ideas that in the end I always agree to do, that you push me to do the best and beyond, that I can be myself and feel safe at all times with you, that I can come to talk to you for anything…”

“The way you’re always down to get ice cream despite it being late, that you hold me the right way and soothe my inner thoughts away. What I love most is that contagious laugh and smile you have, that you’re not afraid to speak what’s on your mind ever. That you put others first including me before you, I simply love because you’re everything I see in my future. My future is with you, together.”

A tear rolls down your cheek, and soon the others follow. “Whatever I said that night, I never meant a single word, or for things to get like this, to make you feel like this. I said it because what we have is special and precious, and they wouldn't understand, sometimes I just want it for myself, in our own little world…”

“Mason,” you croak, reaching up and finally touching his chest and then placing them on his neck, rubbing your thumbs over his jawline, his stubble tickling. “Jesus baby, your touch is like silk, soft and gentle yet delicate at the same time,” he groans, his hand coming back to wrap around your back, pulling you closer.

You let out a faint giggle, seeing him smile wide, “I love you Mason,” you finally confess, he bends down and gently places his forehead on yours. “I love your brown eyes, hair, nose, dimples,” you tease. He laughs, “Okay so physically features anything else? Do you like my hands? My brows? My sense of style?” he jokes.

“I love the fact that no matter what you always come back to me. With you I feel complete, you’re caring, respectful but most of all loving. Our time together never is wasted, as if you're always down for a crazy adventure. You know how to calm my stress and always tell me to chase my dreams. But Mason, you are my dream and beyond.”

“Just like in my future?” he whispers along your lips making you shudder. “Exactly like the future you see. Me and you…” he wasted no time and brushed your lips together. His lips engrave into yours, one kiss and you’re already intoxicated. His lips move passionately against yours, his hands traveling dangerous low as yours come up to play with his hair. He pulls away his eyes still closed, “Be my valentines and girlfriend?”

“Yes, I'll be your valentine's and girlfriend I guess,” you jokingly roll your eyes annoyingly. He kisses you again, and then pecks your lips, still not over the feeling of you finally being his.

“I love you Y/n…”

#mason mount #mason mount imagine #mason mount blurb #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount one shot #mason mount imagines #mm19 #money mase

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 9 months

Note

Hello! I know you're one of the people who ship Moon and Solar (TSAMS) And y'all have gotten me into the ship as well! XD I'm not caught up on the lore of the show(s) So i haven't even seen Solar IN SHOW before (i am very behind to before Lunar was Sun and Moons brother :' D) But I have some ideas I'm debating writing for the ship buttt....I have no clue how Canon Solar acts??? Do you know if theres somewhere I could find a Summary on his personality? (and I suppose...new Moon?) I'll probably unintentionally make them OOC...never written for anything TSAMS related, but i'll try!

And is there a ship names thats...like used for them instead of Solar X Moon or is it just called that?

Anywho, I hope you have a good day/night!!! You make awesome stuff! (And I know theres been some people making drama over the ship, I hope you don't let them get to you too much tho!! <3 /P)

🦈Anon

AWESOME!

Heheheh. Thank you. I've been shipping these two since June 2023 so I'm glad I can share the brainrot and some people are more welcoming and cool then I expect. (mostly the ones who can't think critically are the youtube audience but that's expected. Since a lot of the youtube target audience are... like.. minors or really young adults who can't conceive the concept.)

I rewatch that Episode where Solar changes his name and rebuilds the Daycare in a week just for Moon constantly cause it's just... so much admiration and appreciation Moon has for Solar in that episode. I swear I don't know if it was a flub on the actor's part... but I swear Moon calls him 'sexy' as he's dragging him to charge. the stock sound effect of "OOOOH" doesn't help my APD and I've listened so many times and I have no possible idea what Moon could be saying to Solar other then 'come here you stupid, sexy-...." (trails off) sooo... idk. I might have misheard that severely but that's just what I'm hearing.

Like, in terms of New Lore of the show, it gets pretty complicated.

So complicated in fact, TSAMS themselves released a new video on the subject.... But it's NOT a very good guide, as it misses a lot of things. (and no I don't mean the stupid guest cameo stuff) this is more or less an abridged take on what happens with no emotional impact:

youtube

Like, this is a good starting point if you want the barest of bones, but it misses so much stuff. I think they don't even mention how Solar gets introduced into this family. lol. Just like "yeah Im here and I helped kill Eclipse" fheahehf. It's a super well made video though, and I don't mind the editing mistakes (clearly when the actors change the avatar on screen.... whoops. Happens a few times)

There is also the Fan Wiki, but as of now, it is incomplete, (@twinanimatronics is working tirelessly on updating the wiki and I wish they got more reconignition from the tsams community as a whole ) but it does give a decent look into Solar

There is also the huge TSAMS Lore Document, which Ceph(twinanimatronics) also worked on which contains a further detailed explanation of the story so far, for those who don't have time to watch 2 years worth of youtube content that aren't in a concrete playlist. (TSAMS. PLAYLIST YOUR STUFF PROPERLY. YOU HAVE TWO YEARS OF LORE HERE)

Liike.... yeah... this is okay but like..

This is VRchat. Aka the lore. Which also includes when they play videogames in VRchat, which don't impact the story... Like Uno, Amongus and SCP stuff.....

And it doesn't divide the arcs. Something that TSAMS severely needs more then any other SB Show channel.

Also, in the early days, the gameplay videos USED to be part of the lore. As the concept of Eclipse itself, being a rouge evil ai that lived in Sun's head (as it was presented initially but we know the truth it was the killcode moon planted in Sun when they separated.)

These days, they kinda dropped the gameplay videos being directly connected to the over arching plot. Other then just saying that their vids are pre-recorded or "we're back" after an annual halloween takeover.

Not to mention... When Earth and Lunar got a show, they became intertwined with the Sun and Moon show. LAES is very much it's own thing, but it's the ONLY Security Breach Show that consists of two Original Characters spawned from the Sun and Moon show. A rarity. So their lore continues off from the Sun and moon show, giving more info on Lunar these days and Earth (their sister)

Then you have the Monty and Foxy show (which is my least favorite of the shows... Personal Preference. I try not to complain cus I know some people like it. But I do not like the plot points in that show, or the character writing and weird directions they take while being connected to the same universe.)

And Monty is a character voiced by Davis, who also voices Sun. So Monty started out as a prominent character on the Sun and Moon Show, and then got his OWN show... at a point in TSAMS history after Eclipse got the star and killed Lunar.

So yeah. I wish the playlists were better organized here. So we knew when each era starts.

(people say Matpat should get on this show lore... And noooooooo no thanks. Keep him away. We got you covered. Ceph honestly has enough info to make a video guide at this point.)

But long story short, Solar is a "Good Eclipse" from another dimension that the Old Moon introduced to Lunar, when Lunar was struggling with his trauma of leaving Eclipse. Good Eclipse and Lunar become friends.

Anyway, here are some key episodes that outline NewMoon and Solar's relationship, as Solar had never met the Old Moon.

Old Moon had never met Solar. It was New Moon who introduced himself to Solar to help defeating Eclipse once and for all. (and by this point lunar had died)

youtube

He was actually surprised that this Moon was a chill Moon and could be reasoned with and talked to, considering he was living a rather oppressive life from his own Moon.

There's also a whole episode saga of just these two bantering and talking while they work on the satellite together. I can't remember which specific episodes those are.

You can also see the difference between the Evil Eclipse and Good Eclipse here in one of my all time favorite episodes:

youtube

Moon saving Solar's life: (also the death of the bad Eclipse)

youtube

Everything is good and happy after Eclipse dies for awhile. (aside of Ruin and Bloodmoon wrecking shit) He goes back to his own dimension... and you get to see what his sad life is like:

youtube

From his Moon calling him "byproduct" and failure very often.

But... Something happens and Solar is forced to come to Moon's dimension

here's Solar at his poor little meow meow "I have nowhere to go" stage and just... thought to go to Moon immediately due to their history.

youtube

Moon's only question about Solar moving in, is that if he wanted him to blacklist his dimension once he heard what was going on with his Moon.

And immediately, Solar jumps in to help Moon with his problems.

Also during the halloween takeover part 2 electric boogaloo, Solar was the one to help get Sun and Moon back after being teleported to a different dimension with no hopes of returning

youtube

Also, after Ruin was cured and Bloodmon ran off, Solar rebuilt the ruined Daycare in a week. And Moon is so grateful for it. (i rewatch this episode a lot. It cemented the ship in my mind and built the commodity that they've been building up for months)

youtube

We also get what Solar's daily life is like so far... How out of place he feels, being someone from a different dimension, despite the Brothers (and sister's) insistence, he still doesn't really feel like he's part of the family. He feels like an outsider. (He also has less opportunities to hang out with Lunar. As he expressed interest in playing games with him like the good old days, and as of recently, they have not yet)

also a good example of the Celestial family changing minds on family dynamics because they are robots. Lunar flat out rejected Vegeta-Animatronic is his brother even if he technically is. Like, they're robots. They can change their relationships to each other based on their word. I like to see it more flexible then it is in reality with actual people/humans.

Moon also trying to make Solar feel comfortable and feel like he's adjusting well here. Expressing his concern for him doing so much for him and his family. And hoping to not pressure him into so much work.

youtube

As of recently, his Sun died, and he killed his Moon. And in his therapy session (on the Lunar and Earth Show) he expressed regret over "Leaving" them...

But he has not properly told anyone about this.

My reasoning is that he probably thinks that the family will jump on the chance to call him "Evil" .....They don't have good luck with Eclipses.... and every Eclipse they met other than him has been Evil. (that must weigh on you. Every version of yourself is deemed as evil across every dimension. You are the only good one. Maybe there is something wrong with you)

I'm already at the video limit, but on Lunar and Earth show, there is an interesting episode where Lunar goes into Solar's head, and his mindscape looks like the Willy Wonka TV room, because it was a movie he watched with his Sun before they separated and Sun died. Showing that he did care about his Sun a whole lot... Which is probably why he doesn't interact with our Sun that much alone.

He also compartmentalizes everything before he can feel emotions, playing his own memories in third person as if he's not experiencing them.

Not to mention, he organizes and separates his thoughts on NewMoon and HIS Moon, just so he won't associate the two.

I also missed what episode it was, but Solar is always the first to call Moon out when he's being angry, or irrational, and Sun admits in his therapy session, that Solar is the only person who can calm Moon down. (mainly cus he's used to it, but unlike his old moon, this moon listens)

Anyway...

I love Solar a lot, can you tell?

#danachan's replies #danachan's asks #solarmoon #solar x moon #Solar analysis

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secretsandwriting · 2 years

Text

Mate [Dewdrop]

Ghouls biology is different from humans in many ways. One of those many ways is they need a mate and if they don't find one in a certain timeframe, instincts take over and they get one. It would however be nice if said mate got a little more warning.

Where the ghouls haven't gotten a mate in time so instincts take over and the first person they see becomes their mate.

[Mountain] [Aether] [Rain] [Swiss] [Poly]

Can be read as a stand alone

The only people who knew much about the ghouls were those who interacted with them everyday. The Papas, Sister Imperator, and a few other higher ups. Most of the other staff had never even seen the ghouls in person. The ghouls weren’t quiet so you had heard them in the halls at night but other then that the only time you had seen them was in video.

It was pretty common for the sisters to gossip about the ghouls so when you heard some of them talking you just listened in as a way for a little entertainment while you did your chores.

“I heard some of the ghoul are getting to the point where they need a mate. One of the sisters said they overheard one of the Papa’s say if they didn’t find one themselves soon biology would take over and they didn’t want to have to explain that.”

“What does that mean?” Curious yourself, you paid a little more attention.

“No ones sure, but someone did say they read that Ghouls are creatures that need a mate and if they don’t get one they’ll either die or they’ll see someone and a connection will suddenly be made and that’s they’re mate unless rejected which is apparently not good.”

“I don’t know, that sounds fake but they are ghouls so who knows.”

The conversation stuck with you for the day, giving you something to occupy your thoughts while you worked. While you weren’t sure if it was true it was nice considering you were doing someone else’s work on top of your own. The flu had been going around the ministry so those that weren’t sick had to try and pick up the slack, so you weren’t finished until shortly after midnight.

The walk to the dorms was quiet, every once in a while you caught sight of another sister finishing up but for the most part no one was up and it was silent. If you hadn’t called it home for 3 years you would’ve thought it was creepy but you were immune to the building. What you weren’t immune to was arms wrapping around your torso with no warning.

Shoving your elbow back into the person's side you managed to slip out of their grip. Spinning around you were met with the faceless mask of a ghoul. He stepped forward reaching out for you so you logically took a few steps back. While the ghouls weren’t allowed to harm any of the siblings, they had before. It wasn’t often but it was still recommended that any of the siblings who didn’t regularly interact with the ghouls avoid them. Especially at night.

The ghoul let out a wounded sounding noise and reached out for you again, so you stepped back more. The cycle kept repeating. It honestly really sucked that you weren’t sure how to get to any of the Papa’s offices from here, not likely they’d be awake at this hour anyways.

“What do you want?” He stopped and tilted his head at you, before reaching out and grabbing your hand faster than you could pull away. Once again trying to get closer but seemed to accept you stepping back a little better this time.

“Mate.” Hopefully not what the other sisters were talking about but you weren’t sure, surprisingly enough he did let go of your hand when you tried to pull it away. He tried to move closer but you kept stepping back. Unsure of exactly how safe you were with him.

“Um.. are any of the Papa’s or Sister Imperator awake?” You received a nod and another step forward. “Could you take me to one of them please.” He growled at the suggestion and stepped closer, this time reaching out with his hand. This wasn’t going well. “You can hold my hand on the walk.” That got his attention. He stopped and considered for a moment before offering his hand.

You really weren’t sure you wanted to hold his hand but if it was the only way to get there then holding hands it was. He tugged you closer and started walking gently guiding you through the halls until you reached Sister Imperator office where you could hear a few voices seemingly arguing over something. The ghoul knocked loudly and the room went silent.

“Enter.” The ghoul pushed the door open and gently nudged you to go ahead of him, The sister was at her desk and the Papa’s were surrounding her and what appeared to be an ancient book. At the moment however, all attention was on you “What could bring you to my office at.. 12:45?”

Tugging the ghoul in by your hand that he was still holding, you hoped someone would understand your confusion. The silence was loud, everyone was staring at you and the ghoul attached to your arm.

“I was doing double duty today because so many are out sick and I just finished up a half hour again and when I was walking back to my dorm, he just suddenly hugged me from behind and won’t leave me alone. When I asked what he wanted all he said was Mate and I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know who he is other than one of the ghouls that's currently in the ghost project.”

“So you’ve never met him before?” Sister Imperator folded her hands on the desk in front of her.

“It’s the first time I’ve even met one of the ghouls.” She nodded and looked down at the book in front of her. The papas quietly whispered to each other. “Have a seat.” She waved to a chair in the middle of the group. “As for you Dew, Why don’t you go make some tea for them? I’m sure they could use some after such a long day of work.” Dew didn’t seem sure of the idea. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep them safe and they’ll stay in here until you come back.” He hesitated for a few seconds before looking down at you, seeming to wait for your opinion in the matter.

“Tea would be nice.” He nodded “Peppermint please.” A soft rumble came from him before he left. All attention was on you again.

“Well, There’s a lot we need to talk about but due to how late it is, we’ll go over the basics and talk more tomorrow. I’m sure you’ve heard some rumors about the ghouls needing mates.” You nodded. “Well it's true. Their biology requires it and if they don’t find one in a certain time frame their instincts will take over and choose the first person they see. Now you have two options. You can accept or refuse it. I highly suggest you accept it.” She wasn’t suggesting it. “So what will you do?” Ah, the illusion of choice.

“I’ll accept.”

“Good. Ghouls need to be with their mate most of the time so you’ll be moved to his room tomorrow, as for tonight you’ll just go with him go ahead and help yourself to something from his closet to wear it won’t be a problem with him if you do. Ghouls are a bit possessive and wearing their clothes satisfies that. Ghouls are also very touchy, I suggest you get used to it… They also don’t want to cross their mates boundaries, so be clear with what you're not ok with. It will make a difference.” Her tone softened at the last part.

“Don’t worry about your work. This next week we’ll be meeting to go over some things before you start your new wor-” She was interrupted by a knock. “Enter.” Dew came in and handed your tea. “It’s late, go get some rest, don’t worry about getting up early, the only thing you have tomorrow is our meeting that will happen whenever you get here. Dew helped you up, took the mug of tea to carry it for you, and once again grabbed your hand. Waiting just long enough for you to say goodnight before pulling you out into the hall.

30 minutes later you're tucked into what looked to be a nest, wearing one of Dew’s shirts, and being held by a purring ghoul. If ghouls could purr, you really didn’t know anything about ghouls. Hopefully what Sister Imperator would go over with you next week would help because this was not something you wanted to go into blind.

_____________________________________________

While Sister Imperator did help a little bit, Copia was the biggest help. Sister told you the facts and how it worked in general, while Copia told you about Dew himself and how he reacted with certain things. You were moved into Dew’s room and slowly getting used to living with someone else.

While instincts were still high, they were starting to go down. It gave you a little more freedom to be able to go somewhere without him for a few minutes for some alone time. You had even managed to get a full half hour once.

You had started settling in pretty well despite still feeling completely lost as to what you were doing and going through but Dew was sweet, batshit insane but sweet. Since Dew was still at a point where he couldn’t be away from you for too long and you still needed to help out, you were learning how to run the Social Media for Ghost.

The other ghouls were all nice, they helped explain things a little bit but mostly just gave you the interaction you needed as Dew still didn’t want you around the other sisters for some reason. So therefore you ended up playing ghoul babysitter quite often.

Slowly but steadily you were figuring out how to calm Dew’s instincts. Any sort of physical contact seemed to ground him and on days where it was worse you used that to keep both of you sane. It was during one of those days, where Dew was sitting on a cushion on the floor in front of the couch you were on and you were braiding his hair that Aether came in holding one of the sisters. She looked terrified, probably how you looked when you went into the office that night.

“Have you been able to talk to any of the Papa’s or Sister Imperator?” Aether glared at you while she shook her head. “I can give you a little bit of information but I’m still learning myself. Just tell Aether you want to sit over here and he can sit with you and you have a good chance of it happening.”

That afternoon, you gained a new friend. One who understood what was going on. Despite the difference in time, she figured out things you didn’t know and shared them with you. She became one of your best friends.

Once Dew was finally no longer going on instinct things got… Interesting. He still needed you close, but he was trying to do it right as he said. Little lunch dates, walking you to your new office before he went to practice, bringing you your favorite drinks randomly throughout the day, little notes stuck in places for you to find. He was trying hard to romance you as close to normal as he could and it was working.

It wasn’t good for you. The hugs he’d suddenly pull you into released swarms of butterflies onto your stomach, when he’d wrap his arm around your waist and stand next to you sped your heart up more than it should, the way he tucked his head into your chest after a bad day made your heart absolutely burst with love and affection.

Dew never pushed you to tell him you loved him or made you feel pressured to kiss him. You knew he wanted it, you had overheard him talking with Aether. He was the perfect gentleman for you, except of course his normal shenanigans with the other ghouls.

One night, Dew had pulled you into his arms, his chin resting over your head, arms wrapped around your stomach, and one of his legs thrown over yours. You were wrapped in a soft but thin blanket, the fire ghoul creating enough warmth you didn’t need much covering you. He was purring, the sound had become something you needed to fall asleep.

“Dew.” He hummed, the sound barely audible above his purring. “I love you.” He froze, purr dying in his throat before coming back louder, he pulled you closer and held you a little tighter.

“I love you too.” A warm fuzzy feeling filled your chest.

“Dew… May I have a kiss?” He moved faster than he ever had when comfortable in the nest, adjusting so you were looking him in the eyes. He just stared at you for a few seconds, causing the swarm of butterflies in your stomach to grow before pulling you closer by the back of your head until your lips met. It was short, too short. Dew moved to pull away when you tangled your hands into his hair and pulled him back. That was all the confirmation he needed to devour your lips.

Check out my ao3!

#Ghost x reader #Ghost fanfiction #ghost bc #band ghost #ghost band #the band ghost #ghost band x reader #nameless ghouls #nameless ghouls x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #dewdrop x reader #ry writes

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queeryutbrb · 6 months

Note

Hi, I saw you commented on a Sonic animation post and you said you were learning 2d animation. I wanted to know if you've progressed and if you could spare any helpful information I could use on my animation journey. Thanks

yo! sure, yeah, id love to help ^^

i have made some progress, yeah. there's a lot of stylistic variations, but here's what's been most helpful to me :)

0. a lot of these mention speed - if you get too caught on something, it's likely to sap your motivation. also, i use frame-by-frame, not rigging, so some of these might not be helpful if you use rigging.

1. learn to accept mistakes.

perfectionism will slow you down. it's a little each frame, but that *adds up*. in a few second long animation, it may be fine. but if you're going for 15+ seconds, even into minutes, that can cost you hours to days to even months of progress, depending on the length. learn to accept minor mistakes, if you haven't already. you can always fix them later.

2. you dont have to redraw every single frame.

first, you can cut up an individual frame and move the parts of it. i draw characters art, and i cut up different bits of the arm when i wanna move it. second, you can warp a frame - stretch it, slant it, squish it, lots of things. you can also slide them around on the screen. third, you can reuse a frame. that's one you have to experiment with a bit, seeing where it's helpful for you and where it isn't.

3. do one thing at a time.

if you've just sketched a frame, dont move onto lining it, sketch the next one. if you get bored with one step but still wanna work on the animation, that's when you switch to the next. getting into a rhythem can help you enjoy the work more and let it go by faster.

4. stretch!

if you wanna animate, you have to take care of your body. it's fairly easy to find stretches online, look up "stretches for artists/animators" or "stretches to avoid carpel tunnel", and walk around a couple minutes every hour you've been seated. if you don't, that strain will add up, and you can cause or worsen chronic pain in yourself.

5. check your progress every so often.

if you ever wanna see your current progress, go for it! it can help you stay motivated and show you want you like and dislike about your animation so far. to do this, put in a few frames of your animation and time them properly. put them together like they should be in the final piece. watch this back whenever you like :) it's a great way to give yourself a little reward for all your hard work!

6. watch videos on animation from other artists.

plenty of people share their tips. i've learned a lot by going on youtube and searching "animaton tips". you can also play this in the background while you animate, if you'd like. i always like having something to listen to, myself, and it can help me a lot to have it be related to the art i'm making.

i reccomend doodley and lavendertowne, personally :)

7. animate for you.

remember, if there's anything you don't wanna do, you don't have to. make what you enjoy making, not just what you think others would wanna see. if you end up sharing your animations, which you don't have to do, you will find your audience. do what you enjoy, skill will come to you along the way. :)

i hope these are helpful to you ^^ best of luck on your animation journey!

#animation #2d animation #art #2d art #animation tips #art tips #art advice #animation advice

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www-librarytearoom-com · 1 year

Text

Slipping Through my Fingers Chapter 7! It's temporarily going to be here as AO3 is still down but if you'd prefer to read it on AO3 when back up, feel free to. ♡

Under the cut ♡

Tw for child kidnapping, and past violence. Please don't read if you haven't read the rest of the story on Archive of Our Own

"Mario! Spike, where have you two gone off to?"

Luigi had his knees up to his chest, his phone hidden between them and his body. He wasn't sure if they'd take his phone away from him if they caught him with it, so he decided it'd be best to hide it.

He smiled sadly at the video playing. They used to go to so many places so often, and Luigi always liked to document the fun they'd have. Pauline's voice rang through his head, and oh how much he longed to be held in his auntie's arms again.

He still remembered the day in the video like it was yesterday.

Luigi had his phone out, recording the entire situation. Pauline had his other hand in her's, just a natural instinct she had at this point. Mario had practically drilled it into them.

They were currently at the mall, Luigi had needed a new part for his computer, so they'd gone to get one, only for Mario and Spike to have apparently spotted something, resulting in them running off somewhere unknown.

Luigi knew they were doing something strange.

He had chosen not to mention to Pauline how he noticed Mario packing his lightsaber and Jedi robe in his bag that morning. It was too good of an opportunity to watch him embarrass himself.

Pauline led him through, her grip on his hand firm. She was always more of a worrywart then the rest of them, coming second to Mario.

"It's over Anakin! I have the High Ground!"

He smiled at the familiar call, taking the lead and pulling Pauline closer to the chaos. There was a new ball pit that had been installed, probably for a small carnival, in the center of the mall.

Mario was standing against the top of the railing on the second floor, whilst Uncle Spike was standing in the ballpit. Both of them had their robes on with their lightsabers drawn.

"You underestimate my power!" Spike called, and a hoard of laughter erupted from everyone around. Mario dropped down a ladder, which definitely wasn't stable, and Spike began to climb up.

"Oh fuck- fuck, ANAKIN STAY BACK! BACK I SAY!" Spike began to chase Mario through the mall, before an epic lightsaber battle took place. The security couldn't even apprehend them, because they were laughing too hard.

Luigi laughed weakly as the video ended, though winced as it brought a stinging pain into his throat. His throat constantly felt like he had just accidentally swallowed a gulp of salt water.

How he wanted for everything to go back to normal. But he knew that even if Mario did rescue him, things would never be the same. Not even getting a dog, like he'd always wanted, could fix this.

His finger moved across his phone and before he knew it his finger was hovering over Mario's contact once again. He listened to the ringing of the phone, praying to God that Mario would answer this time.

"Uh- hello?" His heart lifted as he looked at the phone. Had he answered?! "Luigi- is it on? How the fuck do I turn it on? The vocmal thing. Yeah, that thing. Oh it is on? Uh, okay. If I missed your call it's either because you're not Weegee or I can't turn my phone on. I'll try to figure out how to get back to you. Okay, how do I turn it off?"

He faltered slightly, though he loved the memory of teaching him how to make a voicemail. But he wished he had actually answered the phone, then he could know if he was coming, how far away he was. If anything he'd just kill for Mario to tell him everything would be okay.

But that wasn't going to happen. He desperately wished that this would all be over, or that it'd be some sick dream that he just hadn't woken up from yet.

But it wasn't. Because he could feel the pain all over his body, he could feel the jolts of every single scrape and bruise littered across his skin. How much longer would he keep going on for?

He found he was questioning that more and more now.

With a small sigh, he went back to his photos app, and clicked on another video.

"Oh look at you! You look amazing." Pauline smiled behind the camera. Luigi posed proudly, before jumping up and down excitedly. Mario was in the hospital, so he was staying at Pauline's house. Spike was staying over with them as well. "You look like a little scientist."

She always knew the best things to say to him to make him smile. Luigi was about to reply, when all of a sudden he heard a grating voice from across the street.

"FLINT LOCKWOOD!"

He grinned as he looked across the street, a giggle erupting from his lips. Spike was stood across the street, dressed like Earl from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - it was one of Mario's favourite movies, so they all decided to dress as the characters to show him in hospital. It'd cheer him up.

Pauline had even dressed as Sam, and she HATED dressing up.

"Whatchu doing, Flint Lockwood?!" Spike asked as he ran over to him, doing the signature run, and getting in his face. Luigi tried to keep up the act as well as Spike was, but he just kept on giggling.

"You look silly." He laughed, poking his nose. Spike cracked a smile, before regaining his composure and frowning again.

"FLINT LOCKWOOD!"

Luigi screamed out a laugh and took off down the pavement, Spike chasing after him with a matching laugh. Pauline's giggles could be heard behind the phone, though he noticed a phrase she said. One he'd never heard before when watching the video.

"Oh Mario, what would we do without you?"

He remembered going to the hospital, sitting at Mario's bedside and reciting the tale of the day to him. Mario hadn't even been awake, the blow he took to his head leaving him unconscious for weeks.

His parents' attacks had been getting worse every time they did it. Luigi had always thought they were the main villains of his life.

He had been stupid to think that, really. Now he was at the hands of a beast, a beast who he didn't know if Mario was strong enough to fight.

Would he even see Mario again?

"Okay, okay. Remember though, the doctor said you can't put pressure on your ankle, Mario." Pauline's voice of reason came through the video as they entered the arcade. Mario waved his arm dismissively, enticing a laugh from Luigi.

"It was a recommendation, not an order." He insisted, before allowing himself to be pulled away by Spike. They always reverted back to being kids when in the arcade, and it was always hilarious to watch. "Besides, me and Spike got a date with dancing."

"Date, yes. Best way to word it. You two are practically married."

Spike pointed a joking finger at her, a teasing grin on his lips. "I may be aroace, but Mario's my soulmate." Luigi giggled and clapped his hands as Mario got down on one knee and pretended to propose to Spike randomly. He jumped up and down as his uncle wiped a fake tear and accepted the proposal.

"What are we gonna do with them, Lu?" Pauline asked him from behind the camera.

"Run away and take all the candy." Luigi suggested reasonably. He remembered the aftermath of that, Pauline bought out the entire sweetshop in the arcade. There were still sweets left in her closet to this day, and they had never let Mario or Spike have any of it.

"Let's celebrate our marriage."

"By dancing?"

"Fuck yeah, man!"

Mario and Spike, like little kids, ran towards the dance machine and inserted their coins, before absolutely getting into it. They certainly knew how to strut their stuff, their arms stretching out and their hips swaying.

Auntie Pauline had told him they always did that. Ever since they were teenagers, they'd always gone straight to the dance machines. He knew he was there for it, but he was a baby so he honestly couldn't remember it.

"Come on, Mario! You can do it!" Pauline cheered as Luigi jumped up and down excitedly. A song from the 80's was playing, Mario and Spike were into it. Even with a twisted ankle, Mario was still heaps above Spike in the points.

Not that they both weren't amazing at it.

The laughter still rang through his ears even as the video ended. Tears were streaming down his cheeks at this point, his head resting uncomfortably against the bars.

The sound of family felt bittersweet now.

The sound of his family.

He wanted to go home, go back to normal. He'd take a thousand kidnappings from his parents over this, because at least he knew there that Mario would always come and find him, without fail.

Now he didn't know where Mario was. He was alone, he didn't even have Spike or Pauline. Hell, he'd even give anything to see Gemma right now. Luigi just needed someone to hold onto, something, anything.

But nothing would come. No matter what, he'd still be trapped in this cage, hung above what was quite literally certain death with no way of escaping.

His head was burning, and not from the lava, but from the dread that had surged through his entire body.

He wasn't going home.

Was he?

#writing #fanfic #super mario #super mario bros #luigi #writing comissions #mario and luigi #super mario movie #super mario brothers #super mario fanfic #raising luigi au #raising siblings #raising luigi au chapter 7 #ao3 come back #ao3 down #ao3 fic

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shannis · 5 months

Text

22 - 17

You're back. It's been 17 years and you return with all the pomp and circumstance of a warrior from battle. Only not with scars and wounds but smiles and her. She looks beautiful and you look happy. Though I have not seen you in person and probably never will again, the moment I saw you in that reunion video, my chest was cut open. My wounds revealed. The pain came crashing on me like a wave in the north sea.

As I watched you hug your buddies in that video, I remembered the when we danced together at the Slackers show at the Knights of Columbus over 22 years ago. I remember the day I saw you on the corner by your house as I was riding my bike and we talked for hours. I remember our first kiss. I remember our first time together in bed. The way we snuggled on your bed. Fought about the Yankees vs the Braves watching baseball together. Our slow dancing together at the Butterfield. How we would hold hands walking around town. Watching Brasil in the world cup with your grandfather. Going to Six Flags and riding Batman over and over in the dark. Going to Warp Tour together and Ozzfest with Shakera. Watching kids play DDR at the Boardwalk. How we were hugging and kissing in the water at Sandy Hook with my grandparents watched from the beach slightly horrified. Getting caught in the act by your friends at the window. I remember how your eyes looked whenever you smiled at me. I even remember our first 'I love you'. I wonder if our initials our still carved into your locker and mine?

And yet, one day you left me high and dry. Abruptly, coldly, boldly. You left. It was the day after Thanksgiving, we were going to listen to 'Steal this Album' together. I thought we were good, I was excited to celebrate Christmas together soon. I was saving up money to get you the perfect gift. I arrived and then you said that you wanted to end it, you didn't give an exact reason why, you said that I could do better and you wanted to be alone that was it. We listened to the album in silence. I can still feel the the tears weighing on my cheeks. The songs still make me think of you.

I begged, I pleaded, I cried. You stood there cold, unmoving, stoic. You lied, we were never friends after. You never talked to me again. You never looked at me again. Never anything again. Then I heard the rumors your friends told me about how you belittled my body and called me names.

I was crushed, I was hurt but yet I still pined for you. I was in love with you. I even wanted to go to prom with you (but you didn't go). I wanted to go on a real date with you. I wanted a real relationship with you or at least actually try to be your friend again. (We were once remember?)

But what I wanted more than anything was to see you smile at me again in those confusing teenage years. But you never did. You made me nothing in your world. Everyday of silence broke my heart.

Did you know I lost my father a year before we got together? Did you know my mother didn't think my father's death was a big deal? Did you know my parents fought every night before, during, and after you? Did you know my stepfather called me ugly and told me I would never make anyone happy everyday? Did you know I was ignored by everyone at home when I came home crying over you? Did you know your friends made fun of my body based on what you said for years? I was suffering and was all alone. I just wanted someone to find value in me and show me a little kindness. Make me feel like I mattered, like my life has some purpose.

So I dated others to try to forget you, maybe hurt you. No one mattered, even if I wanted them to. No one filled the hole you left in my heart. They were all useless and made me feel worse. I couldn't move past you. They were a waste of time and I should have tried harder for you.

At graduation we walked together, I could see how much you hated it. I was happy to end the journey where I started it, with you. Even thought we said nothing to each other.

And we haven't spoken since. When you left for Brasil 17 years ago I was happy and I thought I would be free. I thought I had a chance to get out of your shadow, to live my life without my feelings for you dragging me down. For a long time, I was wrong. I was used and abused in your absence. Literally. No one loved me, or valued me. Everyone after you until the last one, tossed me aside. I was never pretty enough, I was never girly enough, I wasn't anything to them. The truth and the real issue was they weren't anything to me. I was emotionally unavailable to them. They were just company to pass the time. You were always a shadow, lurking in my heart and deep down I knew that.

So years ago I went to therapy to truly forget you and fix myself. I learned in that time that I really had were abandonment issues stemming from my father leaving and dying, my mother's alcoholism, my stepfather drug abuse, my family ignoring me, my friends putting me in the background for others, my partners cheating on me or rejecting me, but one big issue was you leaving for no reason then never speaking to me again except in insults and mockery behind my back. I realized just how much I was hurt by you and how much I thought of you. And how unhealthy it was to love you when you didn't even see me as a person. Plus, when you were truly gone half way across the world, I knew that you would never talk to me again. I realized I needed to break the habit. I burned all your photos. I wrote you a few letters but never sent them. Hell I even debated calling you a few times, clearly I never did. I knew you would call me crazy or insult me so I didn't bother. I still have your old necklace and set of old keys you left at my house all those years ago. I keep them in one of the only boxes left of my old things I have left. Did you know I lost everything else I owned twice? Alot of people have abandoned me over the years. But through it all, I kept your items safe, I still have them today.

You will leave again soon. I'm glad she is making you happy. I finally found someone as well, he values me, he loves me. He has figured out how to open my heart and make me feel again. I've created a wonderful new life and have started my process of getting whatever closure I can for things still left open in my life. You were one thus this letter.

You were my first and I was yours. If i could talk to you, (I wish I could, I wish we really did becomes friends again), all I want to know is; Why did you leave? And what were your real feelings about me? Did or do I ever cross your mind after? If so, in what way? What was lacking in me?

Even if the truth is harsh, I'd what to know.

Maybe one day you can help me resolve those mysteries of what happened to us and allow me to close this chapter completely. Help me heal a bit.

I wonder if you will ever read this? If you do, would you ever reach out and answer?

#the first #hurt/comfort #heartbreak #unanswered questions #past relationships #brasil #belo horizonte #Keansburg #Rhaoni #writers on tumblr

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g-on-ef · 1 year

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Rant part 3

Army twitter really thinks that just because they have been around since 2013~2018 have college degrees that they are somehow above everyone else and are immune to propaganda.

Are there armys on that app that I genuinely love and respect ??? Yes.

Are there armys on that app that have shown they are a bunch of hypocritical sheep that think they're better than everyone else just cause they went to school and been with BTS longer than others ??? Abso fucking lutly

Since this whole t**nnie rumor I'm noticing how easily fooled these people are and how quick common sense is to leave them so long as it fits their narrative.

Bitches on that app will preach about trust the members don't trust the media and respect their privacy and these past days have proven point on how hypocritical these fuckers are.

Like yall mean to tell me that Taehyung, the person who values privacy above all else, Taehyung the one who thanked armys for not bothering him in Hawaii,

Taehyung who has mentioned time and time again that he doesn't want to lose his morals and principles who's always been open and honest about things would just casually stroll the street of Paris and allow himself to get caught with his partner ???

The same man who's managed to keep his family away from the spotlight will suddenly allow the paparazzi to catch him casually strolling with his partner ??? !!!

Its just so funny how no one was able to capture a huge celebrity like Tae on camera when he landed in France and yet some random paparazzi was able to. A paparazzi who mind you tagged the wrong accounts ???

Like you mean to tell me a "professional" journalist tagged not one but two wrong accounts ??? !!! And the fact that everyone is saying they got permission from their security to take pics but from afar ... like why ??? Why is it okay to take pics so long as it's from afar but in the past they've been attacked and taken their phones when they tried to take pics ??? Also how convenient that they got a "clear" photo of Tae but not a single one of Jennie and all we got is a video from an odd angle where her face isn't even shown.

Again let's go ahead and say they are dating why would either Tae or J*nnie need to be vague about it ??? Again Tae is a very vocal person and is not afraid to speak his mind.

Need I remind everyone how he was quick to shut those rumors down about the girl who he was supposedly dating ??? And before yall get on me on oh well he hasnt shut these down, let me also add the reason why he shut it down is cause the media got a hold of it.

Also isn't it odd that Dispatch and other news/gossip outlets haven't spread this shit ??? You would think that wit these two "dating" there would be news everywhere and yet it's always funny how whenever these two are "spotted" it's always outside of Korea.

Hell even when they were spotted Big Hit issued a statement that they were gonna sue the guy who was making edits of the situation cause it was fake.

So they can hide in Korea {which remind you is very small} but can't hide anywhere else ???

Also I'm bringing this up Tae is a very private person why would he or hell even J*nnie at that matter subject their partners to the hate their Fandom will give them ??? Blonks have attacked ridicule and done irreparable harm to Tae and armys are always retaliating why would they put their partners through that when said Fandumbs can't act normal ???

Like do armys not listen to a word these men say ??? They always preach about wanting privacy so why would they subject their partner to a Fandom where yall can't act normal whenever they fit your little hetero narrative ???

No seriously I can show yall screenshots of them being hypocrites when it comes to them being around women but if you bring up them being with the same sex it's all don't label them we don't know their sexuality you don't know if he likes men.

Just say you're homophobic and leave. It's better than yall having to harassing queer people whenever they make their art queer related.

Another thing I find it funny how these fuckers

Are so quick to attack taekook shippers and call them delusional and say the ship isn't real but are quick to believe this.

Like you mean to tell me it's impossible for them to be single, it's possible for tae to be dating J*nnie but it's delusional and a lie for Tae and JK to be dating each other even though there's a ton of proof that'll state other wise.

It's also funny how again yall preach about privacy but won't shut up about it cause for some reason yall need to constantly talk about it

A blurry video surface oh its him let's spread it talk about and have his name drag through the mud 😀 never mind we should just ignore it and not give it any more attention than it needs to cause at the end of the day it's his name that'll get dragged.

I can go on and on about how dumb these fuckers are and how they are making a situation into a bigger mess than it already is but every time I go to that app I'm reminded that 99.9% of the times there's no reason to do so cause yall already made up your minds especially when it fits yall heteronorm narrative.

And please don't get me started on the cosplayer bullshit -_-

Anyways this was a rant that went longer than it needed to so have a good day/evening/afternoon my Tumblr friends.

#im ranting #rant #anti taennie #im allergic to bullshit #anti twitter armys #ignore me

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dorakonia · 1 year

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ok so this was the draft i was talking about earlier skdfjhsdf

giant wall of text incoming but it's been on my mind for the longest time now and i had to get it off my chest ksjfsdfgdfg

i feel so insanely tired and overwhelmed lately. istg, ever since i started at my new job earlier this year, i have like... no fucking energy whatsoever whenever a workday is over. like... i'm very happy that i've found a place to work at that takes my 'needs' into account - i'm allowed to take as many small breaks as i want, i can listen to music all day, i get to sit in an office where i don't have to see or talk to anyone, the work that i do requires me to sit by the computer and the task itself very easy, and i only work 5 hours 3 days a week. it's like heaven, and yet i feel so insanely tired whenever i get home.

i haven't had a 'proper' job since 2019 and it really shows. it's fucking hard to get back into a routine like this and still manage to maintain my free time in an efficient way. all i do when i get home is play video games and watch yt, and sometimes take a nap if i'm really really tired. and then i ofc have to maintain my apartment and make sure my cats are taken care of ( although at this point it feels like they are taking care of me by simply being there to keep me company DSKJFHSDJFH ).

it's... a lot, i'm ngl. writing on tumblr hasn't really come to me as easily lately as it used to, not to mention i've really been struggling with keeping in touch with people in general ( although that's not something new ksdjfhsdf i've always struggled with that ) aside from the people i'm closest to, both irl and online.

this blog has always been set to low activity, ever since i first made it over a year ago, and i more or less have only interacted with people that i have an established verse with because it's easier for me to muster up the willpower to sit down and write when i know what it is that i'm replying to - and even then it sometimes take me a while to get to it depending on what it is. and considering i'm not fully caught up with twst yet, replying to already established verses have only been that much more convenient and easy for me to do. this has nothing to do with me not wanting to talk to and interact with new people, believe me, there's nothing that i want more - but given my current situation as a whole, it has just been really really hard for me to prioritize new interactions.

it is not my intention to suddenly go poof while in the middle of a conversation or plotting session - sometimes i just can't bring myself to talk to new people because it requires a lot of my energy because it means that i'm putting myself in a situation where i have to get to know someone new. don't get me wrong, i love meeting new people and getting to know them, it's just that the energy and effort i have to put into it drains my battery way faster than what it would 'normally' do for others. there is only so much i can do in terms of getting better at socializing in general, because i can't control my own battery. what i can do though is to try and getting back to people i've unintentionally left on read without feeling like 'too much time has passed so now i feel awkward talking to them again' or something along those lines. because lord knows feeling insecure about that has been a real issue too sdkjfhsdf and sometimes i even feel scared of showing that i'm online and active on the dash or discord because i don't want people to think that i'm ignoring them or that it's on purpose.

but i know that not everyone has all the patience in the world, and that's totally valid. especially if i vanish for weeks without a word. but i want people to know that if i suddenly go poof for a while and then suddenly appears again to talk to you, it's not because i'm bored and have nothing better to do, or because i want something from you. it's because i needed some time to recharge and think of ways to better formulate my words in my reply to you- especially when i'm talking to new people. it's not a very good first impression, i know, and i don't blame you for thinking the worst of me if i suddenly stop replying and haven't given you an explanation as to why that is. sometimes i try to say something like "i need some time to recharge and think about this and i'll get back to you when i can" just so there won't be any misunderstandings, but sometimes i don't for whatever reason and that's totally on me.

but sometimes people in general simply don't have the patience, or even understands what i go through on a daily basis to even be able to manage things that are otherwise simple and trivial to most people - and i completely understand that. i understand that everyone is different, and i understand that i will not mesh well with everyone and vice versa.

but the reason for this giant wall of text is mostly just that things have been more tough than usual for me lately, and i want to put it out there that it's never my intention to leave you hanging - if we're mutuals, it means that i want to write with you when there is an opening of opportunity for me to do so. but i also want to put it out there that you are of course free to look after yourself too, and if you feel like we aren't going to be compatible writing partners then i will obviously not hold it against you if you no longer want to plot and/or write together - and you are free to softblock me whenever you want.

i have oftentimes been thinking about if indie rp really is for me or not - even though i've done it for a couple of years now, and i've often considered putting it on the shelf all together and just turn to 1x1s and possibly group rps on discord. but i feel like the issue with this is that leaving tumblr rp would take away any chances i have of meeting new people to write with and become friends with, and it would simply just make my social situation worse than what it already is. i know that certain parts of this post makes it sound like i'm leaving or whatever but i promise that i'm not skdjfhsf i just wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out there in the hopes of being better understood and avoiding misunderstandings ( because that is one of the many things i need to get better at ). and if you've made it this far, regardless of what you feel is the best thing for you to do in terms of being mutuals with me, i'm still insanely grateful that you have taken your time to read my post✨

#out. / out of character #ngl i rarely ever talk about my disorders openly like this because it's.... draining. go figure.#but so much has happened in my life lately and even tho i left out some stuff i still wanted to explain my situation at least a little bit.

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pardonmystardust · 2 years

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this has to sit in ur inbox until you have time.

Okay so first thing, now that I sit and think about it, I'm really comparing the song itself for No Chances to the music video for Jumpsuit and basically making do by playing with my dolls because we haven't gotten a No Chances mv.

Big picture, both of these are stories about an attempted Perimeter Escape, and the lengths that the Bishops will go to in order to bring (Tyler, Clancy, the clique, me, you, etc.) back to Dema. "This is a story about cycles, and trying to break them."

In Jumpsuit, Dema attempts to recapture their subject by force, sending a Bishop on horseback to collect the escapee like a sheep that's veered from the flock; the tactics in No Chances focus more on negotiation and emotional manipulation, seducing the subject to return under the false premise of free choice.

The comparisons I want to draw here really narrow in on the bridge of Jumpsuit and the stripped down part of the second chorus in No Chances (2:24-3:05) which honestly feels about as close to a "bridge" as No Chances gives us. That chorus didn't have to repeat there, and certainly didn't have to be as painstakingly slow and intentional, but it makes for one of my favorite moments on the album, and I'll try and describe why:

Like many controlling and manipulative power structures, Dema's message in No Chances is two faced and double sided: the feigned concern of "We get bodies every day/ We want you home in once piece now" frames the act of submission to the Bishops' control as being in the escapee's best interests i.e., "We only want what's best for you," a line of thinking that's sure to resonate with many victims of abuse- whereas the ominous chanting refrain "We come for you/ No chances," is fully mask off and let's the victim know in private that the threats are just as real and vile as ever.

This second chorus though, to me feels like a moment of weakness, where the seductive appeal of settling back in to the familiar begins to take a grip.

The Bishops have caught up to you-

And their message is starting to seep in- perhaps you're actually listening to what they're saying for the first time instead of railing against it on instinct alone.

And right then, it's all so simple. It's all so easy. You've been running for so long. You've been fighting. You're tired. Trench is not where you belong, child, even you admit this much. It's cold. Wouldn't it be easier to just come home? To come back where you belong? Where it's safe? After all, "We want you home in one piece, now."

And this is where our two stories diverge. In both, something alerts our hero that this path is an errant one. In Jumpsuit, the Banditos rally around him, throw out their support, and give a striking display of solidarity that reminds him that this line is not the only way; you are not alone here and this is enough to fuel your fight. Unfortunately, in No Chances, our friend is not so fortunate. He learns that his submission is a mistake, not from a jolt of support, but from from a reinforcement of the knowledge that what he's known all along has been true. Even as he tries to cling to the seductive call of a safe home, he hears the sirens in the background- the red flags start to go off, the mask begins to lift.

In Jumpsuit, the newfound confidence in our strength and our networks of supports allows us to flee. But in No Chances, it's far too late. There is no flight. Dema's teeth are already sunk into you and you're theirs again. It's over.

At last, the mask is now completely off once again. The reality crashes in around you, and it crashes hard. "We come for you/ No chances." It's deafening. It's inescapable. And even in your defeat, even as you lie shivering and captured...

There is no protector this time. This story does not end with hope. There is no watcher on the cliffside. Truly, "Nobody's coming for me."

#answered #faceofobsession #long post #twenty øne piløts #twenty one pilots #trench #scaled and icy #jumpsuit #no chances #Dema #Clancy #trench era #SAI

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i-write-hurt-not-comfort · 2 years

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Do you think Kino would be a famous game streamer for the recognition he so craves. Feel free to throw in any drug discussion to.

woahhh i haven't given much thought to kino to be honest. i tend to make him a streamer in most of my AUs simply because it feels like he Would. when we were on a call on monday, somebody said kino would be a streamer but have no followers and i think that's pretty fuckin funny.

i'll talk about the concept some more, but // drug discussion and mentions of SA warning

and while we're on the topic, i have a kino playlist here.

kino, as he does in canon, does fucked up shit for attention. like, there were several times in different lost eden routes where he complained because people were paying attention to other people and not him. i specifically remember in laito's LE where they're giving laito some intervention and kino is like ??? EXCUSE ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

so yeah, kino wants attention. but i think it's negative attention he wants. he thrives off negative attention because to be honest, i don't think he'd tolerate positive attention because he doesn't believe it.

as a streamer, if he got famous, he'd definitely be well-known on other platforms. i think he'd have a youtube account, instagram, i can imagine him making really problematic tiktoks too. he would stir shit about himself. he'd start rumours about himself and then think it's funny when allegations catch up to him. but yknow, there's nothing people can say to insult him which he'd be offended by.

we do see this in canon too. pretty much the only way of hurting kino's feelings is to ignore him. to not pay attention to him. maybe if you bruised his ego by mentioning something sensitive he'd be hurt. but when other characters insult his actions, or when yui reprimands him, he pretty much takes it as a compliment. it's one of the reasons i think kino is the cuntiest character there is.

but yeah, as an online personality, he'd stir shit up because negative attention is good. like that quote in i don't care by fall out boy, "i don't care what you think, as long as it's about me" - that's kino. in fact i can imagine him having that in his tiktok bio or something.

honestly, kino is a pretty shitty person and he's definitely not above sexual harassment/assault even. it's pretty shit but i can imagine a scenario where there's SA allegations against him but does he care? no. people still come to watch his streams and listen to him insulting the other players for making his team lose or something (i'm not a gamer can you tell)

drugs, hm. i never thought much about kino as a drug. i guess there's more vulnerable characters but i can imagine kino also doing stupid shit while on drugs. probably get caught on video doing it.

i realised a few days ago that a lot of the times when i write about the topic of drugs, i talk about them from a negative point of view. and i want to make it clear than about 90% of all drug experiences people have are positive. my experiences with recreational drugs are very positive. it's just that when handling vulnerable, very unstable characters, it's unlikely that they'd manage to use recreationally.

with that said, i don't imagine kino getting hooked on one drug. i think he'd use a mix of uppers. probably mdma, coke, and some psychedelics here and there. maybe he'd abuse speed every now and again in order to do a 24-hour stream or something.

but in general, i don't think kino needs drugs to get his dopamine fix to fill that hole inside him. at least not in an AU where he's a famous streamer making himself a problematic icon.

#ask #anon #// drugs #// SA

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asterlizard · 9 months

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UK Trip October 2023 (Part 6)

We're making one more quick visit before heading back to London, to take advantage of our National Trust membership. Will there be just one set of photos this time?

Bateman's was a lovely house, fittingly with rooms full of books. Each section of the house had a host(?) who would explain the history of that section. One room housed a phonograph that played wax cylinders. We got to have a listen to one of them, though I didn't recognize the song. (The host in that room also provided a quick bit of history about the wax cylinders, which I nodded about because I was a bit familiar with them thanks to some tech Youtubers' videos about them)

I believe the ship in the middle of this clock could move as though it were an actual ship bobbing in the water.

In one of the rooms, there was a painting of a recently deceased child with their mother that was gifted to the family (I don't remember the whole story or who exactly they were) but I remember that the host dryly gave her strong opinion about it ('If I got something like that, I'd stick my foot through it!') Someone else also joked that (because it was above a fireplace) that they would have 'accidentally' dropped it in the furnace

Though I wouldn't be surprised if this was related to the intention behind postmortem photography, in that it was the only memento of their loved one, I even mentioned this to the host, though I also added that it hadn't aged well.

Note the rat wearing a party hat on the left, cute!

We also checked out the bookstore real quick (some interesting stuff there!). Also, those books on the upper shelf had their pages folded, not cut, to make the shape!

We then briefly wandered down to the courtyard, but didn't have enough time to go further and see the mill pond. Maybe another time! It did look lovely though.

Afterwards, we headed back over to London by train (we actually boarded the train that would leave half an hour before the one we were supposed to go on, but as we learned from a young lady who sat next to us on the journey as long as we were going in the same direction to the same station as the other train, it doesn't really matter when we leave, and also it was a Sunday so we were very likely not going to be checked.

Pretty sure I haven't seen one of these busses with the open rear since I was a wee child. And now they're back up and running! Though the newer busses are still a lot more common.

Meep! (baby coot? It sure was chatty)

A nice surprise to see someone painting outside around here. From a brief glimpse, it looked really nice, I would have liked to have seen it finished.

Also under the tent in the background, was a little cafe, and the owner had a skittish dog that my mum's other friend was attempting to befriend with treats.

We would leave the next day to go to our hometown in Wales, picking up another friend along the way (it took us about an hour just to leave London!)

We also got to eat a new favourite: Mcvities Blissfuls Chocolate & Hazelnut!

After getting to our destination about 5 hours after leaving, we arrive at mum's friend's house. I've been here numerous times before, but I've never been upstairs. I wasn't expecting all 5 of us to share 3 rooms and 1 bathroom together! It felt like a dorm haha

Also we finally got caught in some rainy and windy weather, and this was our fourth day here!

I had expected to see Wally the Walrus merch while I was here, but I was disappointed to find none (maybe it was already old news by this point?)

While we were here, Mum had some leftover things of my grandparents to still go through, as well as bring home a few more things. We got it all accomplished in the end! \o/

We also went to Carmarthen to do some shopping, but were disappointed to not find anything :/ (mum and her friends also chatted about which shops survived the lockdown)

We did have a lovely lunch at the Pantri restaurant (some hearty leek cawl, yummm) where the waitresses spoke Welsh with some of the other patrons! Mum even got to have a lovely chat (in English though) with one of the waitresses, and had to know how much cawl they make a day. The cook comes from the back of the kitchen and shows us a large pot (big enough for a child to sit in) which fit our expectations!

They were also already starting to put up Christmas decorations (and Halloween was in like 5 days!)

Also finally got to see my cousin for the first time this trip, if briefly, since he's mostly busy with work these days (last I saw him he was still a teenager!)

Merlin! Fun fact, he is connected to Carmarthen in some way (idk how exactly)

Got to do a bit of birdwatching during my free time.

One day, while walking into town, I spotted a beautiful bumblebee weakly flailing in the middle of the road, and was compelled to pick it up and put it somewhere safer (I wound up putting it safely on our neighbour's fuchsias)

We then went on a drive to St. David's (still technically a city!) for the afternoon (mum has been before, but I haven't) The drive was very lovely, I always like seeing the little homes and cottages, as well as the scenery (drove over a river, saw a gorge(?) with a bunch of parked boats)

Read the next part here: [link]

#my posts #my photos

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contradictoryenigmas · 9 months

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2023 Postmortem: 10 Questions

Phew, 2023 is almost over and I for one am glad to see it go. Considering I felt last year was one of my more difficult years, 2023 must have thought I was throwing down the gauntlet and decided to up the ante. Various points throughout the year saw me reach my breaking point. Somehow I was able to pull myself back from no return, but at a great cost to my mental and physical self.

This has been one of the hardest ten-question pieces I've written as I was trying to find a good balance of talking about the difficult parts while also making sure to find the positive points that happened - no matter how short it felt like.

Buckle up, it's going to be a ride of sorts.

Author’s Note: If you are new to this or want to take a look back at previous pieces, you can click on the links here: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022.

What made up your body of work this year? Which parts are you most proud of?

95 percent of my work this year was for the day job. Whether was researching various specifications for vehicles, dealing with various issues from customers, or determining what we needed to be keeping an eye on down the road in terms of features. Most of the year has felt like a slog with a neverending list of vehicles coming in and a shrinking staff that felt like we couldn't keep up. I felt even more drained than last year.

Towards the end brought some much-needed good news. A few new people came to our team and brought down the workload by a large amount. At least it doesn't feel like we are playing catch-up anymore.

A bright spot for the year was being added to our internal news service editorial staff. This allows me to help in the process of publishing stories by doing copy edits and going over changes with co-workers. It also allows me to keep my writing skills somewhat sharp.

Speaking of writing, there was barely any of it for the year. This year's ten-question piece is the first thing I have really written for 2023. It comes down to me not having the spark or desire to write anything. I haven't been lacking ideas. The past year in the automotive has been fruitful with electric cars making inroads, questions about fuel economy and affordability, autonomous driving, Tesla, and more. Yet, I haven't any desire to take these ideas from the head and put them out there in the world.

What were your top 5 moments of the year? Being added to the editorial staff for our internal news service Seeing both of my parents retire Taking time off to help me recharge Spending a bit more time playing video games Making some inroads on finding a new job

(It was difficult trying to figure out the top five as it felt like a lot of the year was filled with so many negative things. Trying to scrounge up any good moments is quite hard).

What are you really glad is over?

I don't have a good answer to this as I have several things up in the air as 2023 comes to a close.

How are you different today than you were 365 days ago?

My mental health has been on a roller coaster of sorts. I'll have good days where it seems nothing could go wrong, and days where I find myself in the murky depths, wondering if I will be able to get out. I had many of these days throughout the year whether due to news, personal, financial, or other items. This explains why I spent a lot of my time in my apartment, sitting or lying down. Didn't want to have others experience the cloud of darkness. I know this is the opposite of what I should be doing - going out, visiting friends, and experiencing new things. But when you're caught between the rock and hard place, and no easy and quick way out - very difficult to get out.

If there is a bright spot, it is how much quicker I have been able to spot myself falling into the spiral and pausing it. I may do some journaling, go for a walk, listen to some music, or lie down to help reset myself. The more I catch myself going into a depression cycle, the easier it becomes to get out.

My usage of social media has gone down drastically throughout the year. A lot of this can attributed to Elon Musk's decisions on the service formally known as 'Twitter'. I have stopped posting there since late Spring after setting up accounts on BlueSky and Mastadon. I find myself using BlueSky more as there more people I follow from 'Twitter' who have come over. But it isn't the same as it once was and I cannot fully put my finger as to why.

Is there anything you achieved that you forgot to celebrate?

How much progress I have been making on the job hunt. I started this in earnest back in late Spring. While most of the opportunities I have applied for have either not gone anywhere or picked a different candidate, I have started to feel more at ease with writing out cover letters and presenting my best self during interviews. It still is quite stressful and takes a lot out of me. But with what I have learned throughout the year, I think the job hunt in 2024 will prove to be fruitful.

What have you changed your perspective on this year?

That it is ok to take a break from the news. Considering how this year has felt like a raging waterfall of news seemingly breaking every hour of each day, I had to significantly cut back on the news. I may read a summary of what happened during the day or just go dark, depending on my mood. I may not be as up-to-date as other people, but it does make me feel less like impending doom is coming.

This year has also brought forth how lonely I'm been since COVID-19 made its way to the U.S. It oddly stemmed from me binging many Unsolved Mysteries hosted by Robert Stack. The music and Robert Stack's presentation sent chills down my spine as they did when I was a young kid. I needed somebody to bring me back down to earth and comfort me. It's a ridiculous way to find out you're still dealing with loneliness, but it helped put it into perspective. I've only seen my co-workers only a few times this year, and have only talked with a close friend of mine throughout the year. The remaining friends haven't heard a peep from me since last year or more.

There is something you are taught when you start off in computer security; finding a balance between security and convenience. It boils down to determining the right amount of lockdown and ease of entry into a given environment. For example, requiring only one key to enter a vault full of gold makes it very convenient for a person to get in, but it also makes it very tempting for someone to rob. On the opposite, having seven different locks requiring a different way to open a house makes it very secure. But it also makes a pain in the butt when you're trying to escape a rain storm or worse.

I've realized that I have been focusing a bit too much on security for myself while negating the convenience aspect of being around people. I had good reasons as to why, but it also made me feel more lonely as time went on. Figuring out how I can best protect myself while trying to be more personable is a goal for next year.

The last thing I have learned throughout this year is that I cannot force myself to write. This was something I did a lot when I did freelance writing. No words being put on a digital sheet of paper meant no money to keep living. The downside to this was a major loss in quality and originality, something I would attribute to why I lost many assignments and gigs throughout my freelancing life.

Despite wanting to write as I mentioned earlier, I had no motivation or desire to force myself to pull words out of thin air. I realized that I still haven't fully recovered my writing skills to a point where I felt like I could start posting stuff regularly again. I don't know if writing will become a part of me as it once was years back, but I still have that desire to get my thoughts out there in the world. Maybe some writing rehabilitation through practice prompts and journals will help in the new year.

Who are the people that came through for you this year?

I have to give a big thank you to my family who helped me through some difficult times throughout the year. Also worthy of thanks are my therapist, the people who I talk to on BlueSky and Mastodon, and some close friends.

What were some pieces of media that defined your year?

Super Mario RPG

I remember playing the Super Nintendo version of Super Mario RPG and being charmed by its story, characters, and music. The recent remaster for the Switch only amps the charm. I spent a good couple of weeks playing and growing attached to the characters and wanting to see how the story went. When the 'the end' screen came up, I almost started a new playthrough. I may pick this game back in 2024 just to experience the joy again.

Unpacking

A game about unpacking various items and placing them throughout various rooms? Seem a bit tedious for a game, but it works so well. You're being told a story of a person through various moves during their and items. The varying locations and amount of items to place give you an idea of where this person is in their life and dreams and hopes. An idea that seems crazy when you read the description, but works so well when you play it.

Satisfied Mind by Jon Regan

youtube

When this song came up during my Discover Weekly on Spotify back in the Summer, it hit me in such a way that I cannot fully express. The lyrics of the song are a guide to what I hope to accomplish down the road.

Honorable Mentions: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom; The Case of the Golden Idol; Amen by The Heavy; Ancient DOS Games on YouTube; the Unf*ck series of books by Dr Faith G Harper; The Honjin Murders by Seishi Yokomizo.

What will you be leaving behind in 2023?

I don't have a really good answer for this prompt. A lot of the issues that came up in 2023 are going to continue into the coming year. At least I have some ideas to make them more bearable as I hope to leave them in 2024.

What do you hope to accomplish in 2023?

Originally, I was going to put [REDACTED] for the various items I hope to accomplish. This allows me to claim whatever I do in the coming year as one of the items on the list. Ultimately, I decided to scrap this idea for the time being. Instead, here is a small list of items I hope to work on in 2024.

Exercise: I was able to do a bit of exercise for a fair chunk of 2023 and it made me feel better both in terms of physical and mental health. Then I stopped doing it for various reasons, and my health has taken a bit of a tumble. Getting an Apple Watch for Christmas has reignited my desire to get back into exercising. Going to start slow to get myself back into it before I start to ratch it up.

Money Stuff: I made some headway on this at the start of the year by monitoring how money was being spent. That's all I got to without starting to set up a plan and I just ended up not monitoring it. This would prove to be a bad idea as unexpected issues came up such as replacing the front suspension on my car and draining my bank account. I'm going to start back monitoring my money, along with figuring out a plan to where I can cut back on some spending items and start stashing more money.

A new gaming computer: I was able to finally replace my old MacBook Pro with a new MacBook Air. It is really nice in terms of size, performance, and quietness. Now, I need to figure out a replacement for my current gaming PC. It is getting up there in age and will shut off when playing newer games. Whether I decide to build one or do a pre-built from somewhere is up in the air at the moment.

There are some other goals I would to accomplish like finding some time to travel and working towards a new car, but these depend on various factors like trying to find a new job to jump-start them.

I thought 2023 would be the year where I would be able to make some progress in various areas. But it turned it to be one of the toughest years to date. There are many things I haven't mentioned either because they were too personal or I am still working out how to talk about them. I find it tough to be hopeful at the end of this year and to look forward to the next considering what lies ahead - the next presidential election being a key item.

But I do know that I want 2024 to be an improvement over 2023, and to get there, I need to put in a fair amount of work. But also give myself time to rest and comprehend. The Christmas break for me has been spending a lot of time sleeping to try and regain some sort of energy,

Fingers crossed that 2024 works out.

#10 questions #postmortem #thoughts #Youtube

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