#i hear so many people say ‘oh i’m a bad cook’ but have you ever had someone watch you cook; say ‘no no no’ and physically take a knife

[fingertipsmp3]

Does anyone else just like… not give a fuck if they’re chopping vegetables evenly

[jaehyunnie77]

Exile

summary: you and jaehyun are endgame, or rather were supposed to be endgame. the short story of your relationship and the ending.

pairing: jaehyun x f. reader

genre: lovers to ex's | break up au | holy trinity

word count: 5.8k

warnings: cuss words, pet names (baby/babe), mentions of food, ass slapping, oral (female recieving), unprotected sex (please wrap it up), orgasm denial, a bit of dom jaehyun, creampie.

a/n: happy holidays everyone! i've been working on this on and off for i dont know how many months, but it's here now lol. thank you to this lovely anon for requesting this scenario. i swear i didn't mean for this to be so long hehe. also, exile by taylor swift ft bon iver has been stuck in my head so that's where the title came from lol. happy sad reading and any feedback is greatly appreciated.

--------------

the meeting

“Order for Y/N.” The barista calls out. You quickly throw your phone into your bag and hurriedly walk to the counter to grab your coffee. Today, out of all days, you just had to sleep through your alarm and now you’re running late. You should have been in class ten minutes ago to prepare for the lecture to begin.

Too deep in your thoughts, you didn’t see or hear the person behind you. When you turned around, you bumped into something hard as your hot coffee spilled on the man’s shirt. Not only that, but whatever you bumped into, made you lose your balance making you land on your ass.

“Ow. Shit.” You say quietly before looking up and seeing the stain on a white crisp shirt. Petrified, you grab the napkins from a nearby table and begin patting the coffee stain hoping it would go away. “I am so sorry!” You’re not really thinking or using your brain at the moment as you keep repeating sorry.

“It’s okay.” The man chuckles deeply. He wasn’t even mad about it. When it seemed like you didn’t hear him, or stop patting his shirt, he softly held onto your wrist to halt your movements. It then registers in your brain that you are invading someone’s personal space. You slowly look up at him and he has the most beautiful brown eyes you’ve ever seen.

You quickly look away and stare at his shirt, trying to hide the smile creeping on your face. This just had to be your luck today didn’t it.

“I’m Jaehyun.” He says softly looking down at you.

Damn even his name is beautiful.

You’re still staring at his shirt to gather your nerves to calm down when you look up and tell him your name. You give him a soft smile in return before saying one last time, “I’m really sorry about your shirt. I can pay for your coffee or dry cleaning.”

All the cute man does is chuckle at your cuteness. “It’s okay. Honestly, I’ve been trying to get rid of this shirt for the longest time and now I have a reason to.” That made you laugh. At least he wasn’t yelling at you. “You can make it up to me though.”

Your eyes go wide as you violently nod your head. “Oh my god yes please. Name it. I really do feel bad even if you want to throw it away. It is the least I can do.”

He laughs at your comment, “Go on a date with me. Tonight?” He says confidently. Now that took you by surprise.

“You’re very straightforward aren’t you?” you smirk.

Jaehyun gives you a lopsided smile making his dimples pop out. “Yeah, I can be, but you did say it’s the least you can do to make it up to me.” He had you at that and you didn’t even need to second guess your answer when you said yes.

After that first interaction and date, you went on multiple dates to get to know each other. He was easy to get along with and he made you laugh uncontrollably. Something people have a very hard time doing. In all, he just made you the happiest you’ve ever been. By the third week of dating, you two were officially together.

You did everything together from dates, him picking you up from class, going grocery shopping, hanging out and not doing anything special, cooking together, singing karaoke together, and everything in between.

By the sixth month, you both met each other’s families. You’ve been in several relationships in the past, but the relationship with Jaehyun felt different. Solely because he was different. Some may say you both moved a little too quickly for their liking, but hey, once you know, you just know and you roll with it. There wasn’t anything or anyone that would make you doubt him or the love you two share.

He understood you and listened to you whenever you needed to vent and he was always there whenever you needed him. You were each other’s biggest supporters and motivators to chase after what you wanted. On top of that, he made you feel like a princess with the way he showers you with love. There are days where you can’t believe you are living out your very own fairytale of finding your true love. Of finding your prince charming and falling head over heels in love with him and living happily ever after.

Jeong Jaehyun is perfect and he is all yours.

the fourth year

A lot has happened in the last four years. After a year of dating, you two moved into a small apartment together that was only ten minutes away from your college. You both graduated college with your degrees and are currently working for your dream companies. You’ve both been on endless vacations from New York, Chicago, Canada, Milan, and London to name a few. Four years later and you still couldn’t believe the life you’ve built with Jaehyun so far.

It's a Friday night and you couldn’t wait to walk into your apartment and change into more comfortable clothes and snuggle with your boyfriend. What you didn’t expect is to be met with almost an empty apartment.

“Baby are you home?” you yell out as you take off your shoes by the door. The lights are on, his shoes are by the door, but there was no one in sight. Usually, you could hear your boyfriend anywhere in the apartment due to him having a heavy hand and being the clumsy dork he is.

“Babe?” you yell out once more as you walk further into the living room. That is when you see a note on the couch. You pick it up and read it as a smile forms on your face and the butterflies swarm in your tummy again.

Follow the rose pedals cutie.

You look down and sure enough, there are roses on the ground leading you out of the living room. You follow exactly what your boyfriend said until you reach your kitchen island with another note.

Remember this last minute trip to New York and we were in such a rush we forgot to bring jackets and we almost froze to death?

You laugh out loud because that specific trip was one of your most treasured ones with him. You both were so excited to be doing this last minute that you were not prepared whatsoever and forgot it was winter. You look up and there is a photo of you both snuggling close together in front of the Winter Garden Theatre.

You look around hoping to see him, but there was more roses to follow. At each random stop in your apartment, there was a note or a favorite memory and pictures. The roses end their trail on the balcony and as you step on that’s when you see him.

Soft music is playing in the background, lit candles are everywhere, and there is a table in the middle of your small patio. Your eyes find Jaehyun’s loving eyes and you take in his outfit – black and white suit. You look past him and see a wall full of pictures of your time together, balloons hanging from the ceiling, along with dangling lights.

“Jae, what is all of this?” you chuckle with tears forming in your eyes.

Jaehyun walks over to you and gives you a tender kiss. “Hi.” He gives you his dimple smile and turns around to give you a glass of champagne.

“Is there a special occasion I forgot about?” you softly giggle trying to mentally picture your full packed schedule.

“Y/N LY/N. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” Jaehyun tells you. “You are always there whenever I need guiding and always know how to make me smile. If I’m having a horrible day, you know just what to say to make it better. Your laugh is contagious and music to my ears and I swear you give me serotonin every single time. You are my best friend, my rock, and the person I am madly, deeply in love with. There is no other person I’d rather spend the rest of my life with, so that is why I have to ask,” He gets down on one knee and takes out a black box and opens it, “Y/N, would you do me this honor and be my wife for forever?” In the black box laid the most beautiful diamond ring you’ve ever seen.

You look away from the ring and into his glistening eyes. God you love this man so much. You wipe your tears as you nod fiercely. “Yes! Yes and yes! A million times yes!” Jaehyun smiles widely taking the ring out with shaking hands and placing it on your fourth finger. He gets up and kisses you passionately as he holds you tight in his embrace.

“I love you Mrs. Jeong.” He says.

“And I love you Mr. Jeong.” You laugh before going in for another kiss.

That night you two made endless love that you swear you heard your neighbor banging on the wall for you both to shut up.

The following week, you both announced the news to your family and friends and as expected, everyone is happy for you both. You couldn’t stop smiling and you couldn’t wait to start planning your dream wedding to the love of your life. You couldn’t wait for your future.

the drunk night

It has been eight months since you got engaged and an exhausting but exciting eight months. The wedding date was set to hold in fourth months. As much as you were excited in the process of planning your wedding and building your forever with Jaehyun, he didn’t seem too excited in the last month or so. You would try to get his input about the cake, the venue, the guest list, the location, down to the color schemes and all you’ve got in return was a “choose whichever makes you happy.”

Sure, if this was any other person, you’d look the other way and just be glad to plan it, except, this is Jaehyun. The one who makes it obvious and known when he’s excited, tired, angry, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, and all other emotions in between. You’ve noticed him becoming less excited and more exhausted whenever the topic of the wedding comes up.

You couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was making him feel anxious or brushing it off like it was nothing. You’ve tried multiple times to coax it out of him and yet all you got in return was a snappy attitude and him repeatedly saying, “it’s nothing.”

It is 10:30 on a Saturday night and Jaehyun still hasn’t come home. You’ve called and texted him multiple times only for his phone go straight to voicemail and no text back. You were starting to get worried since he always made sure to check in with you if he was going to be out late.

Four hours passed and still the same outcome. You scroll through your contacts to find his best friend’s phone number. Just as you are about to dial Johnny, you hear the door unlock and there walks in your fiancé. Your very drunk fiancé.

Jaehyun is notoriously known to have a high alcohol intolerance since college, so the fact that he is bat shit drunk in front of you tells you he was clearly drinking something away.

“Ow. Shit.” He mumbles as he stumbles to the floor. You jump from the couch and ran straight to him. “Oh hi honey. You’re still up?” He gives you a lopsided smile.

“How much did you drink Jae?” you ask worriedly. You’ve never seen this side of him before.

“Just enough.” He sighs deeply and attempts to get up only for his movements to be sluggish.

You get up and attempt to get him off the floor. After the tenth time, you succeeded and stumble to your shared room. “Come on babe, let’s get you to bed.” 

“You are so pretty. You’ve always been so pretty Y/N.” he mumbles and begins to poke your cheeks.

“And so are you handsome.” You try to return the same enthusiasm, but to no avail. Inside, your brain kept asking a million different questions of why he drank so much.

“I miss you.” he pouts at you once he laid on the bed.

“I miss you too silly.”

“No, I know. I mean, I just really miss you.”

“I’m always here, what are you talking about bubs.” You chuckle.

“No you’re not. It’s different. It all feels different.”

Just before you’re about to ask him what he meant, he closes his eyes and falls fast asleep. You sigh deeply and do your best to get him out of his jeans and shirt so he could sleep more comfortably.

As you lay next to him, his words kept replaying in your brain and along with that, you begin to think back on how things been between you both lately. Before anxiety could overwhelm you, you force your mind to shut up and try getting some sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to Jaehyun cooking breakfast and for a minute you forgot what happened the night before. You get out of bed and head over to see your fiancé focusing on the egg omelet. For a very drunk person the night before, he seems to be doing okay without a hangover.

“Good morning handsome. It smells good in here.” You warmly smile as you hug him from behind.

“Good morning babe.”

“How are you feeling?” you cautiously ask.

“Doing okay. No hangover it that’s what you’re asking.” He chuckles.

“I wish I had your superpowers. You came home super drunk.”

“Yeah I’m sorry about that. Had too much to drink with Johnny and the boys and just lost count.”

Was it just that? Have you been overthinking about the situation over nothing?

“It’s okay. We all need to get drunk once in a while, though, you’re hard to get off of the floor when you’re that wasted.” You both laugh at that comment and continue on the day with each other.

In the back of your mind, you felt this particular moment was what started it all for what was to come. You wish you had seen the signs sooner.

the blowup

It’s been two months since the night Jaehyun came home drunk and since then, you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him. You were scared of what was coming or what he had to say if you asked him about what he said. So instead, you pretend that everything was fine in your relationship, when in reality it was the total opposite.

You both felt different and couldn’t come to terms with it.

“I’m not saying that we can’t have both entrees Jaehyun. You’re missing the point.” You say trying to control your temper from boiling over.

“Then who gives a fuck if we have steak or chicken? Or mashed potatoes and carrots? No one is going to give a flying fuck as long as you have the damn wedding Y/N!” Jaehyun exclaims.

It wasn’t that you were afraid of him, its just you’ve never seen him this upset before. You sit there in shock written all over your face.

“Jae-“

“Seriously Y/N, do you really think people are going to judge you for the food you serve them? No. All they care about it having free booze, free meal, and the wedding. That’s all people care about.”

“Well maybe if you have given me your input from the start then we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about entrees!” you finally said as you hit your tipping point. There was no way you were going to get yelled at when you were the only one planning this alone.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault we can’t choose what the hell to eat.” Jaehyun scoffs.

Taking a deep breath as you try to calm yourself down, you try to understand where he is coming from. “Look I get you’re stressed out from the new promotion at work –“

“This has nothing to do with work!”

You frowned at his response, confusion taking over. “Then where is this coming from?”

He deeply sighs annoyingly, “Nowhere.”

You get up from the couch when you start to feel angry, “No, clearly something is bothering you just like it has been for the last couple of months. Spill out Jae, what is going on?”

“It’s nothing, forget about it.”

You were growing more frustrated and couldn’t help the next words to slip out of your mouth, “Are you seeing someone else? Is that it? Is that why you’re so miserable all the time!?”

His eyes widen as he also gets up from the couch. “Of course not! I am not a cheater and you know it!”

“Pft, then what is it because all you’ve been doing lately is give me the same repetitive answers with an attitude for the past several months. So whatever you have to say, just –“

“Fine! I don’t want to get married! There I said it! Are you happy now?”

You both stand there in shock at the words he said. You from hearing it and him for finally saying it out loud.

“What?” you ask in almost a whisper in disbelief.

Jaehyun sighs deeply before letting it out, “I don’t want to get married.”

You are so confused on how this turned an ugly left. “I don’t – I don’t understand. You don’t want to get married anymore?”

“No.” he says sadly.

“Did you ever wanted to get married in the first place?”

He takes a deep breath once again and shakes his head.

Now your entire world is flip upside down.

“Then why would you ask in the first place Jaehyun?” you cried.

“Because you’re you. You’ve always wanted to get married and we kept talking about it, and I thought at the time it was what I wanted as well at the time. I just wanted to make you happy.”

You stand there, your heart breaking into pieces as your mind and heart went to war with each other.

“So you only asked because I wanted to get married?”

“I’m so sorry Y/N. I never meant for this to happen.”

Just like that, the dam in your eyes begin to fall as you try to catch your breath. You didn’t realize you’re crying so hard.

“It’s been four years and you didn’t have it in you to be honest with me? Ab-about our relationship. Do you even still love m-me?”

Silence.

It was getting harder for the words to form and come out of your mouth. All Jaehyun could do in that moment is hold you close and let both of you cry throughout the night.

the hide and seek

Four years. That’s how long you spent your life with someone you thought would be your forever, only for it to go down the drain.

Everyone thought you and Jaehyun would be endgame – your family, friends, co-workers, and strangers alike have told you that both are endgame. Jaehyun has said it. You’ve said it. So, why is it, as you sit on the couch two weeks later, wonder where, when, and how did it all go wrong. How did one precious timeframe of tender loving turn into a disaster nightmare?

“I guess we should talk.” Jaehyun says carefully when he sees you staring into nothing on the couch. He knows it is his fault for why you are in this position and for hurting you.

You didn’t reply to him and felt the other end of the couch dip as he sits down.

It is quiet for a moment before you ask the question that’s been on your mind for the past two weeks “Where do we go from here?”

Jaehyun stares at the wall ahead of him, “I think we both know what needs to happen.” He looks to you and he truly regrets hurting you.

“When did you know?” you ask turning to face him.

“Know what?”

“That you didn’t love me anymore?”

He knew this question was coming, but didn’t expect it to be so hard to tell you the truth. “I still love you Y/N, but it’s not the same as when we first started dating.”

“So, when?”

“Four months ago.”

You nodded your head. That was the time he started coming home late and that one drunken night he came stumbling into your apartment. You think back to last year and try to analyze where you went wrong, though the only thing you can think of was you both were committed to your jobs. Which resulted in not having enough time for each other and as far as sex goes it happened at least twice a month.

Damn, even the sex was lacking when you both used to have crazy sex.  

“Why didn’t you just come and talk to me? We could have worked something out you know.” You say sadly.

“Yeah, but what would be the point? You finally got that promotion you’ve been wanting right after New Years and I ended up covering more hours at work. We didn’t have time for each other and if we did, it was mostly sleeping in from how exhausted we were.”

“But you’re my fiancé, boyfriend, whatever. We should have still communicated Jaehyun.”

“I know and that is my fault. I will admit and own up to that. I thought if I proposed to you, it would bring back the love I felt for you, but it never did. So, instead of manning up, I was a coward and held in my true feelings in order to save you the heartbreak, but I see now I was wrong.”

“If we had never fought two weeks ago, would you have said something? Would you have called off the wedding when it was time?”

At that Jaehyun became quiet. “I don’t know.”

You couldn’t handle sitting on the couch any longer with the man you still love and hear his honesty. You wanted to scream, throw his things out the door, break something, but instead, you just left the living room in defeat.

That night he slept in the guest room, while you slept by yourself in your once shared mastered bedroom. That arrangement continued for another two weeks. It shouldn’t be like this. None of this should even be happening. Maybe it was due to the upcoming embarrassment of you two breaking up and telling your friends and family about it. As much as you try to find ways to still be in a relationship with Jaehyun, you knew deep down that if he no longer loved you, there isn’t much of a relationship.

You knew what the next step is and as much as you don’t want to face it, it’s best if you both start to move forward with your own lives.

You walk into the living room where he is slouched on the couch mindlessly watching the TV. You take a deep breath to gather all your courage. “I think we should officially break up.”

Jaehyun’s eyes find yours in an instant and straightens up. He just gives you a small nod.

“I found some apartment listings so I’ll move out in a few weeks or so.” you gave him a nod and turn back to your room.

The look on his face is either from the surprise break up or shock that you’re the one moving out. To be honest, he shouldn’t be feeling either emotions because this would have been the outcome one way or another and he knew that.

He just didn’t think it would hurt him this much.

the end

Few weeks or so turned into a month because holy shit apartment searching is hell. There was no way you’re moving back with your parents or crashing at your friends places. Living with your ex was new. Sure, the first few days were awkward as you try to not bump into each other or walk into bathrooms when being used. Later, you both somehow managed to make it work – by coming home late and leaving early.

After finally finding an apartment near your work, you start packing your things. As you pack the last remaining items, you never realized you had so many things. You decided to take a break and have a nice long hot shower since Jaehyun was still at work. While you’re in the shower, Jaehyun comes home early from work. He hears the soft R&B music coming from your once shared room.

To him, he was grateful that it wasn’t a toxic breakup or any 24/7 bitterness between you both. He kept replaying the night you told him you were moving out and he couldn’t put into words how he felt. Too deep in his thoughts and unaware of your presence, you walk out of your room naked.

It’s something you always do when you’re home alone. Jaehyun’s eyes goes wide from seeing all of you as you try to cover up your body with a towel. It’s a sight he truly missed seeing.

“Oh my god! Jaehyun! You’re home. I’m so sorry.” You say catching your breath and slowing down your heart rate.

All Jaehyun can do is stare at you before nodding, “Yeah, I decided to call it a day.” He quickly turns around as your nipple peaks out of your rushed towel. “I’m going to make some dinner.” He quickly rushes into the kitchen to calm himself down.

Something comes over you the moment you see his back enter the kitchen. You do something, something you haven’t done in a hot second and let your towel fall to the ground. You follow after him naked. Jaehyun has his back to you as he looks at the pantry trying to rid thoughts of you.

“Jae.” You say softly gaining his attention.

Jaehyun turns around and once again gets fluster at you being naked in front of him. He takes in your perfect body and he can’t even remember the last time you had sex. Neither of you can. You guess it has been a while.

You slowly walk up to him as he stands there frozen watching your every move. His eyes meets yours filled with lust and longing. You softly touch his arm and caress it before wrapping them around your waist.

“Y/N-“

“If you don’t want to, I’ll stop.” You interject. You’re super horny and from the way he’s eyeing you, you know he is too, but when he doesn’t make a move or say anything, you figured he wasn’t in the mood. Embarrassment begins to take over as you stop touching him and backing away from his form.

“I’m sorry –“ you begin, but your sentence is cut short when he grabs your waist and clashes your lips together.

The kiss is hungry as if you two are both starved. In a sense, you’re both starving for each other. You take off his shirt revealing his perfect abs and begin to undo his belt. Jaehyun’s lips travel to your jaw, neck, down to your clavicle. Once he’s free of his jeans, he kicks them off and kisses you once more.

His hands goes all over your bare back before giving your ass a squeeze and slapping it earning a gasp from you. He then surprises you by picking you up and sitting you on the counter where he kisses you all over your chest. He kisses both breasts before diving to your right nipple and sucking it as his hand pinches and stimulates the left and repeats the motions.

You gasp as he continues to arouse you and you unconsciously begin moving your hips and wrapping your legs around him.

“Jae.” You whine. He looks up at you, your tit still in his mouth and his hooded eyes are dark. “I need you.” you finally manage to say.

He nods and leaves a trail of kisses up to your lips. With your legs still wrap around him, he picks you up smoothly and walks back to your shared room. He lays you down gently and begin giving the rest of your body kisses down to your core.

“Jaehyun.” You say out of breath because you know he’s teasing you right now.

“Just a little taste first baby.”

He kisses your inner thighs before kissing your clit. His tongue licks your wet folds and you couldn’t help the moan that comes out of your mouth.

“It has been too long.” He says more to himself, but you still heard him.

He dives his tongue into your hole as his nose brushes against your clit. He knows what you want and he gives it to you. He sucks and licks as his digits enters you. You are so horny from all the foreplay, it didn’t take long for you to come.

“That’s my good girl.” He says breathlessly. You look down at him to see your essence on his chin. He holds his hard cock, giving it a few pumps before getting off his knees to crawl over you. Jaehyun doesn’t give you time to recover when he gathers your wetness and slides between your folds. Jaehyun positions the head directly in front of your soaking hole and slowly pushes himself inside.

No matter how many times you two do this, you never get used to how much he beautifully stretches you out. Inch by inch, you feel every rigid of his perfect cock in you. You gasp when he’s fully seated inside of you and he gives you a minute to catch your breath before you tell him to move.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, but instead of going slow, he surprises you by pulling out to the tip and slamming back into you. He repeats the motion until he’s fucking you hard and fast. Just the way you both like it.

“Fuck you are so beautiful. I love the way you take my cock.”

You moan in between gasps, “Always for you.”

Jaehyun changes positions as he sits on his heels, pulling you closer to him and holding up your legs in the air. The position lets him watch your soaked pussy swallow him whole whenever he fucks deeper into you. You hold onto your boobs when he goes faster and fuck you have missed this.

“Jae I’m close.”

“Already going to cum? Hold it in just a bit longer.” His voice is deep.

You do as you’re told and try to hold it in as long as you can until it was too much. “Jaehyun!”

“Come on my dick baby.” You let go as soon as he tells you. The pure bliss takes over every single nerve as you cum hard. Your mouth goes slack, eyes closed, and all Jaehyun can do in that one moment is be mesmerize by your perfection.

He slows his pace down enough to let you catch your breath, but Jaehyun being Jaehyun, that didn’t last long. He hovers over you once more with your legs now by your face. This position makes it so much more intimate and deeper.

“You are so beautiful.”

“I want you to cum in me. Please baby.” How could he not resist you when you begged so cutely and so fucked out. He kisses you hard as his pace returns to animalistic and thrusts harder into you.

“Please daddy. I want it all. I want you to fill me up.” You knew just what to say to get him going. His hips begin to falter as his cock twitches and cums in you.

His moans and groans is so sexy, you almost come again from the sound of it.

“Fuck.” Jaehyun says when he finally catches his breath. You stay in that blissful moment before he pulls out. You feel your mix liquids drip down while he goes into the bathroom to get you a warm towel to clean you up. He discards the towel onto the floor as he lies down next to you pulling the blanket over your naked bodies.

“So that just happened.” You say not knowing exactly what to do next.

“Yeah.” He says staring at the ceiling. Neither of you have ever been in this position before, let alone have random one night stands before you two met all those years ago.

“I’m sorry for what I did and for hurting you.” he breaks the silence.

“I know. As much as I want to hate you for it, I can’t and I don’t. I somehow get it. We just grew apart I guess.” You say quietly. In reality, it was true. You both are two completely different people than you were a year ago or four years ago.

“Can we just stay like this for one night? One last time?” he turns to look at you with pleading eyes. He wants you to say yes. He wants to hold you in his arms and watch Disney movies. He wants to be next to you throughout the night.

You look back at him and give him a sad smile, “One last time.” You whisper. You kiss him as you pull yourself on top to straddle him.

One last time. One last night. You both used it wrap in each other and bring each other to ecstasy and to the heavens above, all for it to repeat until the early morning.

Your by the door not really wanting to leave, but you have to take the first step in moving forward with your life.

“So this is really it isn’t it?” he asks softly.

“Yeah I guess it is.” You whisper.

Somehow seeing the last box by the door and you getting ready to leave, hurt him. It’s strange to see the person you’ve spent four long years with suddenly walking out the door to never return again.

“Thank you Jaehyun for everything.” You look up at him and give him one last kiss on his soft lips. The lips that will for sure take a while to forget. You linger there for a moment taking it all in, before forcing yourself to pick up the box in your arms and walking away. Away from the man you loved – still love – and walk straight into the unknown future.

Jaehyun watches you get into your car and drive off away from him and the home you once shared. For the first time in a long time he wanted to cry. The memories the two of you shared comes rushing back and overwhelms him.

He knows he needed to let you go. He knew he couldn’t go through with the wedding and he knew you deserved someone better than him.

When he couldn’t see your car anymore, he looks around the empty apartment. For the first time in years, Jeong Jaehyun finally lets out all of his pent up emotions. The apartment feeling cold and lonely without you there. Without you in his life.

[lemonthepotato]

Amai’s Week

I didn’t even know until today that Amai had a week, that’s how hard this game fell off. Anyway, boy do I have some criticisms.

1) We need that many ways to enter a building in a mission? Why? It ends the same no matter what. The mission is still linear.

2) The dialogue in this game is so stiff and not how people talk. Never played a Hitman mission where the target said “I’m going to be here at X time, doing Y thing, blah blah blah” but Amai is kind enough to specify the times she’ll be serving food. Yeah, it’s kind of intuitive to not exit the classroom and start serving octodogs, the cooking club should know it’ll only be at morning, lunch and after school.

3) Amai’s sabotage events are so silly. I remember jokingly thinking “what? are we going to be giving him a pink apron or something?” as a JOKE. And then it HAPPENED, essentially. These characters are meant to be adults LARPing as teenagers but even a teenager has more maturity than “oh, you made an apron I didn’t like!” What? Did Ayano draw a swastika on it or another hate symbol? The game refers to it as a ‘lame’ apron, which implies it’s more likely that Ayano used a bland colour scheme. I’m sorry, but “I wanted a black apron but you made me a pink one, that offends me” is not on the same level. And by the way- if Amai’s food is giving people food poisoning due to Ayano’s sabotage, why is she still allowed to run the bake sale???

I was genuinely thinking “surely, it’s more going in this direction” during the picnic talk. It was. So, what? Amai is supposed to control the insects?

If you sabotage all of Amai’s events, Senpai should get the sense that she’s a BAD COOK. Literally all. Her sabotage events are NOT enough to warrant being cut off or rejected.

4) I like how no one in this game questions a giant ass water fountain placed randomly in a room.

5) THE LOVE CONFESSION DOESN’T MAKE AMAI LOOK GOOD, EITHER. Who the FUCK says “yeah, I know I’ve known you for a week, but I was actually pissed at you for mourning your dead friend because… what about me???”

OKAY, TO BE FAIR, THAT “MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THAT IN MIND” LINE FROM AYANO GOES HARD ASF 🔥

6) Okay lol I just. I love how funny Kizana is.

I like to imagine Ayano and Senpai are in some Truman Show situation where Info-chan is just hiring all these colourful personalities to rizz Senpai to create the craziest situations ever. Like Ayano is just some institutionalised person who was dragged out by a studio to be exploited in her dire mental state. Can’t wait to get Kizana in 2025 and Oka in 2026.

Look I’m an Amai defender but spitting in someone’s food is VILE. The reason I don’t go to… let’s call it OldRonalds is because three employees spat in my food. I had three occasions. Yeah, wasn’t risking a fourth. AND IT’S IMPLIED SHE DID THIS SEVERAL TIMES. That is NASTY.

7) Yeah I definitely talk to myself when cooking. That’s totally normal.

8) SHE TELEPORTS IMMEDIATELY TO THE FLOOR. ALSO HOW WOULD NO ONE HEAR THAT???

9) A small pet peeve of mine over the years is the line “oh my god! is that a dead body?” when talking about their classmates. Akademi is a small school, where everyone should know each other. Maybe- like “Oh my god! [character’s surname, because it’s Japan, or whatever their nickname is considering Akademi has nicknames]? A-are you okay? I need to get help!”

10) Ben Shoku-ro asks us to essentially stalk Amai. Very normal. See, this is why I headcanon that Akademi is just a mental institution disguised as some… high school LARP. A very ineffective one, too.

11) I like how everyone has the exact same criticism with the exact same wording towards Amai’s cooking.

12) “You shoot 100% of the takes you don’t miss” is such a funny quote. No shit Sherlock.

13) “juvenile delinquent” aren’t they 18? C’mon, if you’re gonna use the “they’re actually 18” excuse, be consistent about it.

14) Welcome to Writing 101. In Inkyu and Sakyu’s conversation on Friday, the pink one (Inkyu, I believe) says “however?” While Inkyu is gathering her thoughts. It doesn’t add tension to the scene, they’re talking about fucking studying. It happens twice, actually. It’s awkward and drags on too long. I’m a writer, not a programmer, but surely there has to be a way to make the dialogue end faster?

Also Horuda canonically drawing kill art is real asf. She is not okay in the head and is expressing her emotions to avoid doing something dangerous. This is what we call showing, not telling. This is something this game struggles at.

15) Wait, Kyuji stalking Osana is a bounty? What if the player match made them? Is the game seriously gonna punish you for doing the pacifist route?

16) Why can Toga walk on bushes???

Okay if Senpai’s new personality is himbo than I kinda fw him.

HELP DID YANDEREDEV FORGET TOGA WASN’T A CREEP SO HAD TO RETCON IT?? Same with Horo, though I think Horo being weird was inferred by the demon Easter egg.

17) Also, another general criticism, but the dialogue in this game is so wonky. Instead of “Hey, blah blah, did you know blah blah dislikes gossip?” It could be “Hey, blah blah, X said to me gossipers were all evil people. Ridiculous, right? Who doesn’t gossip from time to time? Guess that’s what I’m doing” or something shorter than that. And things like money and violence shouldn’t even be discussable topics. I’m sorry but “Hey, Horuda Umetsu, did you know Amai Odayaka dislikes violence” would receive an “okay? don’t we all?” IRL. Like even though Horuda is prone to violence no one’s going around shaming people for disliking it WTF.

(Edit: Btw, before Amai came out, I made my own version of Amai’s week a year ago, along with the other rivals, but honestly? They suck. I’ll add them anyway, if you wanna check them out, but I got lazy halfway through and began half assing stuff: Amai, Kizana, Oka, Asu, Muja, Mida, Osoro, Hanako, Megami. I’m not saying these are better than the game. The way I characterised Kizana, for example? Canon Kizana is much better. The writing on these posts were somehow cringier than the actual writing. Why share it then? Dunno. I like humiliating myself? Oddly, I got a lot of nice DM’s from people about them at the time. I also made a shitty AU.) (I have more posts over there, like a mission mode concept ending) (also, it was only a year ago, but I feel like my writing has improved a ton since then)

Addendum: Not sure if I gave the impression I support YandereDev. I don’t.

[mbakuetshurisprincess]

The Garden

AN: Okay wow did not expect to have this many people like the sneak peek of this fic so THANK YOU! I’ve had this account since 2018 so to anyone whose been here since then, I commend you, my writing was pretty bad back then LMAO! This is literally the longest fic I’ve ever written so that's cool. I super enjoyed this Shuri and would love to write more versions of her in the future. If you have any requests, my asks are on. If not just dm me fr fr, i love inspo. Player!Shuri may or may not be in the works, so yeah. And in all honesty I don’t know what the timing of this one is within the MCU.

Summary: Princess Shuri requests your company on a trip to “The Garden”, a secret area the two of you created as teens. 

Pairing: Shuri x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of drug use (weed), kissing.

Word count: 3,635

Suggested listening: Nothing Even Matters by Lauren Hill ft. D'Angelo 

The soft buzzing of your kimoyo beads stirred you out of the deep sleep you were in. When the buzzing didn’t wake you immediately, the sensation was turned up and the vibration shook your wrist. You knew there was only one person who could engineer your kimoyo beads to function like that: Shuri.

Knowing that she wouldn’t stop her assault on your wrist, you sat up in bed and answered her call. 

“Oh Y/N, good you’re finally awake!” Shuri stated with a slick smile as her holographic body shot up from the beads. 

“When did you even have time to do that, Shuri? I’m with you always and you make sure I never take this off.” You mused as you rubbed some sleep out of your eyes. 

“That’s not for you to worry about!” She flashed that smile at you again and you felt the familiar tug at your heart. 

You loved her smile. It was one of your favorite things about her, and she knew it. Whenever she needed something from you like a model to test out new adaptations for the Dora Milaje’s gear or begging you to spend the night with her even though your room was less than 10 steps from hers. She would flash that smile and instantly get whatever she wanted from you.  

She caught wind of the way you were looking at her and sent a wink your way. “Since you're awake, may I come in?” 

“I don’t know why you insist on asking, especially when you know I never say no.” You said through a yawn. You got up out of bed and walked over to the door peeking through the wall that led to Shuri’s room. 

The two of you had lived like this since you were young teens. Your mother served as Queen Ramonda’s personal guard, hand-picked by King T’Chaka until her accidental death during a routine training drill that you unfortunately witnessed. Your father, grief-struck, took his own life and it left you without anyone else in the world.

 Queen Ramonda decided that for your mental health it was best to maintain as much of the reality that you knew and so at 16, you moved in with the royal family. Getting a bedroom built right next to Shuri’s that connected via a doorway. It worked out because you and Princess Shuri were already close friends; having spent childhood running around the palace walls and pestering the cooks for sweets. And spent most of adolescence obsessing over American culture and new trends together.  

You and T’Challa quickly formed a sibling dynamic similar to the one he had with Shuri and he felt just as protective of you as he did of her. Your dynamic with Shuri, that was different. As young girls you both valued and enjoyed each other's company, it was often regarded that if you saw one of you, the other had to be close behind. 

It wasn’t until you moved in, that the nightmares started. Reliving the memory of your mother's death every night in your dreams left you screaming in your sleep, loud enough for even Queen Mother to hear it from her chambers. But before she could get there, she always found Shuri comforting you. She could still remember the first time she found the two of you like that. 

Shuri was sitting on the edge of your bed calmly speaking to you as she stroked your cheek gently. “It’s me Y/N, it's Shuri. You’re okay, you’re safe, I’m here.” The two of you couldn’t have been but 17 and 16. 

When you awoke and tears sprung from your eyes, Shuri just pulled you into her and soothed you as she gently rubbed your back. When Queen Mother returned to her chambers she awoke her husband and told him that there was no need to worry about who Shuri would end up with and that Bast had been kind and blessed them with two daughters. 

Now at 21 and 20, the Queen's words seemed to ring ever true. While neither of you claimed to be in a relationship, everyone in the palace (and in all of Wakanda for that matter) knew that it was more than platonic love shared between you two. Shuri had never courted anyone and neither had you, and nobody ever questioned it. You knew many people lusted after Princess Shuri but you never questioned where her loyalties lay. You were the one who was with her when she learned of her father's death and you supported her throughout the entire mourning process as you both grieved. You were each other's person no doubt about it. 

Shuri hung up the call and walked into your bedroom, flopping right onto your bed. You chuckled as she snuggled deep within your covers, it was normal for her to do that, and expected that you would join her.

You scrolled through the notifications on your kimoyo beads much to Shuri’s dismay as you heard her kiss her teeth. One of her signals that she wasn’t getting the attention from you that she wanted. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” You murmured as you walked towards your bed and sat down on the edge. Your tiny brown sleep shorts and matching cami shirt gave Shuri the perfect view of your back. She admired the two dimples in your back that sat just above your ass and the way that your curves fit your body just right. Her eyes trailed up your back, and your curly hair was pulled up into a pineapple for maximum convenience while you slept, giving Shuri a view of your neck. She couldn’t stand you being so close to her and not touching so she wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you back into her. 

You took the hint, got under the covers, and finally laid on your back staring straight up at the ceiling. Shuri’s hand snaked down to find yours and interlaced your fingers in hers. Bringing them to her mouth so she could kiss your hand. 

“So, what did you have planned for today, my princess?” You asked with a light giggle as she peppered kisses all over your hand. 

“I was thinking,” She said once she had finished “That we go over to the garden and spend the day there today.” She turned to face you anticipating your response. 

You turned your head to face her and shot her a “Are you crazy?” look. 

The garden was a secret project you, but mostly Shuri had started when you were in your final years of school. After watching the Young and Wild and Free music video, the two of you decided it couldn’t be that hard to grow your own weed here in Wakanda. You tested it all inside of a small house that had once belonged to the gardener but had been long abandoned. It only took a few months and the two of you had grown enough to harvest and test. 

And test you did!

Being both of your first times the effects were immediate and apparent, but both of you enjoyed the mood it put you in. Shuri enjoyed how it allowed you to open up to her and her the same to you, many of your most vulnerable conversations were held in the garden. For a year the two of you spent damn near every weekend sneaking off into the garden to light up and talk before going on a movie marathon. 

Years later and the tradition had faded. You knew Shuri still maintained the garden and used it occasionally but you only went out there when Shuri dragged you out. The last time was over a month ago and it ended with the two of you being questioned for a long time by T’Challa, insisting that of course, you two were not high. The conversation ended with T’Challa saying that the two of you were terrible liars, which only led to a giggle fit ensuing. 

“Do you not remember the last time?” You demanded with a roll of your eyes “What if we get caught by Queen Mother this time?” 

Shuri laughed “We are grown! Mother can only say so much, we are our own people sthandwa!” 

You let out a groan in response, she knew how much you loved when she called you that. 

“Come on, you know you want to come to hang out and relax with me. Do it for your princess.” She commanded with her same trademark smile. 

“Fine! But Shuri, I’m not helping you roll anything! You have to do all the work since you want it so badly.” You retorted as you stood up from the bed. You walked over to your closet and looked for something to wear. 

“I don’t even know why you would say that, you never roll anyway.” Shuri spoke quietly to herself with a small laugh.

“What did you say?” You called from inside the closet.

“Nothing sthandwa! Get dressed!” She called back with a smirk.

You decided on one of Shuri’s oversized hoodies (that fit you more like a normal hoodie) with a black skin-tight shirt, a pair of black leggings, and a small cross-body bag that held your film camera to wear. So the two of you started your walk down the back palace steps towards the garden. As you walked you admired Shuri’s outfit. She had recently become a fan of American tracksuits so today she wore gray sweatpants with a matching gray zip-up jacket. Under the jacket, she wore a form-fitting t-shirt that accentuated her slender slightly muscular figure. Her short curly hair was styled up as normal and you admired how this new haircut suited her face so well. 

She looked edible. 

As you two approached the small garden house, Shuri broke the comfortable silence that had developed. 

“I’ve made some new improvements to our little getaway, I hope you like them sthandwa.” Shuri held open the door for you and you walked in. 

Where once the walls were lined with movie posters and American logos from companies like Pringles, KFC, and Budweiser; they’re now covered with album sleeves from the two of your favorite records. Covers from Stevie Wonder, Lauryn Hill, and Gregory Porter all the way to recent favorites like Noname, Mavi, and Frank Ocean. You walked deeper into the room and noticed where bean bags and a couch that had seen better days once sat, a new couch (big enough to be mistaken for a bed) and a hammock installed into the ceiling now resided. 

You had regarded on your last trip that the place had started to remind you of your joined teen years and Shuri being the girl she was decided that meant it was time for a rebrand.

“Shuriiii!!!!” You gushed “This is too much! When did you have the time to do all of this!?” You ran into her open arms and squeezed her tightly. Shuri smiled and wrapped her arms around you.

You pulled your head off her chest to look up at her as she spoke. “I wanted it to be a space for us again and we don’t have to just smoke here either. I moved all of the plants downstairs and created a new filtration system so it will never smell like smoke and-”

You cut her off by placing a kiss on her lips. She moved her hands to cup your face trying to deepen the kiss. She loved the taste of your lips, the way they parted to let hers in, the way your tongue always battled with hers for dominance knowing it was never a battle you were going to win. 

You pulled away from the kiss, a deep red color staining your chocolate skin, she made you blush every time she kissed you and it made her proud to see how breathless she left you. 

“Thank you Shuri, I really mean it.”

“You kiss me like that again, we’re not going to leave here for days.” Shuri mused as she quickly swiped her thumb across your plump bottom lip. Your deep brown eyes caught hers and her gaze held you there like that as she looked down upon you with enamored eyes.

 You pulled your bottom lip into your mouth and bit it lightly. You hated the way Shuri could get you like this so easily. With just a few words or a persistent look, you turned to putty in her hands. Shuri however adored you like this, the way you were so drunk on lust that you listened to every word she said and followed her directions with little pushback. 

You tried to turn away and break eye contact but Shuri caught your chin before you could move. She placed a delicate kiss on your lips before speaking.

“Go sit on the couch, make yourself at home. I’m going to get everything ready, you can connect to the speakers via bluetooth; the name is Y/N.” She let go of your face and left you standing there speechless as she started rummaging through drawers looking for the materials she needed. 

“Damn you Shuri.” You thought as you walked over to the square-shaped couch, pulled off your bag, took out your camera, and plopped down making yourself comfortable. You pulled up the bluetooth settings and clicked connect on the one named after you. You kicked your slippers off and tucked your feet underneath you as you figured out what album to pick. You settled instead on the “To Y/N, with love” playlist, the playlist she had made for you years ago that still received monthly updates. 

Shuri chuckled as the sounds of Nothing Even Matters by Lauryn Hill rang out through the speakers. She knew how much you loved music when she made you the playlist but hadn’t anticipated how much you would listen to the playlist. When you first noticed she had updated it, you nearly fell out; loving all the new music she added. 

“You’re still listening to this old thing?” Shuri asked as she plopped down next to you, she held in her hands a rolling tray, a lighter, and two mason jars filled with herbs and weed respectively, a joint tucked between her lips. 

You just hummed along to the words and smiled as you sang to her. 

“Now the skies could fall. Not even if my boss should call. The world it seems so very small-” 

She finished the line for you. 

“Cause nothing even matters, at all. See nothing even matters.”

She took the joint from between her lips and handed it to you. You took it and after examining it for a second you placed it between your lips. Shuri leaned over into your personal space and sparked the lighter bringing it up to the joint and lighting it. You gazed at Shuri through the fire and felt a similar feeling inside of your gut as the two of you made eye contact. You pulled in deeply, allowing the smoke that was invading your mouth to travel directly to your lungs. Shuri pulled the lighter away when she was sure the joint would stay lit but didn’t break eye contact. You couldn’t handle the way she was looking at you, desire plain across her face so you pulled away as you removed the joint from your mouth, turned your head away, and exhaled. Releasing all the smoke in your lungs.

This caused Shuri to smirk, you were always so innocent, she could read you like a book. The way your thighs squeezed together when she held her hand on them for too long or the way you could never hold eye contact. She knew what she did to you and was fully planning to keep it up. 

Shuri pulled a paper out of the pack she had and started opening the mason jars that contained her herbs. A comfortable silence had developed between the two of you, as you hit the joint and you both hummed along to Montego Bae by Noname. Shuri was the first to break the silence. 

“One of your children asked me when me and you were going to be “princesses together?” when I stopped down to visit yesterday.” 

You looked over at Shuri and let out a large laugh “What?” 

You knew generally what Shuri was referring to; the orphanage that you volunteered in part-time was located just outside of the palace walls. Queen Mother thought it best for you to have something to occupy your time since Shuri spent large chunks of time in her lab and time away from each other was the key to a healthy relationship. The idea to work in the orphanage came to you after you spent the afternoon with the children, taking photos for the local newspaper. You came that first day and had never left; it made you feel good to help the children, knowing Queen Mother was the only reason you didn’t end up there. 

“Mhm.” Shuri nodded, you noticed her hands that were beginning the careful process of rolling. This part always made you admire Shuri, her attention to detail and meticulous technique was a work of art. She looked so beautiful concentrating like that, you reached into your bag, grabbed your camera, and snapped a photo of her.

“It was Adah wasn't it?” You asked with a chuckle as you tucked your camera next to you. 

While Shuri didn’t visit the orphanage with you frequently, whenever she did the first person to greet her was Adah. When Shuri wasn’t there Adah normally clung to your side during your daily work and generally kept quiet; preferring to see how the other kids played than actually playing herself. But when Shuri turned up, another side of Adah came out and she shed her shy exterior. Running around, dragging Shuri to and from activities and crafts, determined to show the princess a good time. 

The whole of Wakanda was aware of your special relationship with Shuri, the children included. The difference between the two was that children didn’t have the social politeness to know not to ask about when the two of you were going to make it official, official. 

Shuri just nodded as she brought her tongue to the paper, swiping it across to dampen the paper. She knew your eyes were following her tongue but let you slide this time without a sly remark. She finished rolling the joint and placed it on the coffee table. 

You took another hit, feeling the effects of this new strain throughout your whole body before passing it to Shuri  

“I keep telling them they can’t just ask when someone’s getting married.” You said with a playful kiss of your teeth. 

Shuri took a deep pull of the joint and looked over at you. “I told her that we would be married within the next three years.”

“You said WHAT?” You shot up straight off of the couch and stood in front of Shuri. “You told my Adah we were to be married within the next three WHAT?”

Shuri simply laughed and took another hit of the joint. “I don’t see a problem with what I said sthandwa. We will be married within the next three years, no?” 

“Have the chemicals that you deal with in the lab finally knocked something lose up there??” You playfully tapped on the side of her forehead with your fingers. 

“Aht-” Shuri swatted your hand away with her free hand, and she took another hit. “I don’t get what's so wrong with what I said, we will be married within the next three years and have kids within the next five years. What's so insane about what I said?” 

“Oh, you’ve lost your GODDAMN MIND Shuri Udaku!” You threw your hands up in disbelief and turned to walk away from Shuri. 

“She must have lost it!” You thought to yourself. “Before she asks me to be her girlfriend she declares me her wife?” Truthfully you didn’t have a problem with marrying Shuri, that wasn’t the problem. But to have her declare so matter of factly without consulting you, that gave you a little bit of irritation. 

Shuri used the opportunity of your back turning slightly to her as you walked away to grab one of your arms, pulling you closer and forcing you off balance. She used her newfound leverage to pull you into her lap, putting you face to face with her. Her free hand found its way to the top of your thigh and she rubbed lightly sending butterflies throughout your body. You were used to being in this position, it was one of Shuri’s favorites. She said it gave her a perfect view of your beautiful face while still satisfying her need for physical touch.

“Do you not want to be my wife sthandwa?” Shuri asked in a sultry voice, bringing the end of the joint to your lips allowing you to take the last hit. 

You turned your head away from her to not release the smoke into her face, but even once you finished you kept your eyes from hers. It was all too much right now,  the weed, the way Shuri switched her tone of voice and her hand that was gently rubbing the top of your thigh. Too much to be able to focus on this conversation right now.  

Shuri placed the finished joint on the coffee table and grabbed your chin with her first three fingers, allowing her thumb to rest on your cheek and stroke it gently. 

“Look at me.”

You obliged her request and made eye contact with the princess, her brown eyes were low and addicting to stare at. 

“Be my wife Y/N.” 

[visumper]

Endline snippets but its Kaemory and im crying also Pretty Face by PUBLIC is literally the kaemory song ever,,, UE UE UE… also kae pov

I’m holding her hand. Oh. That’s kind of embarrassing. I can feel my face start to heat up when I realize and try to pull my hand away. It’s weird, because I can’t feel anything. My limbs— they’re all numb. When I try to move my hand, I can’t tell if it even moves or not. I try looking around, but all I see is a bunch of stupidly bright red and Em’s pretty face. Ugh. Why can’t I open them more? It feels like my eyes are only half open. Maybe they are. My vision’s blurry too, but I can still see her clearly. She’s the only clear thing I see, as if she’s the only person my eyes focus on.

She’s crying. There’s other people too, I think. I can’t hear them well since my hearing feels all muffled too. I can’t tell who they are, since they’re nothing but colored blobs. Haha. This kind of feels like I got Sporis bombed by Mari. This is a little different though. Ah… I don’t think this is just a mushroom this time.

Where’s Aza? I feel like I’m drunk and high at the same time. I hate Aza’s stupid medicines because they taste like shit like Mari’s cooking, but they work pretty damn well. I force myself to focus, because Em’s definitely crying. I should probably comfort her, right? That’s what girls like, right? In the end I end up asking about Aza. Were he and Rowan still dealing with Aid? I still need to beat Rowan at table tennis. I still need to beat Aza at darts.

It’s hard not to be jealous of those two. Haha. They’re so talented. They remind me a lot of my siblings…

“Wh…” I manage to get out. Em’s grasp on my hand gets tighter. My hand is the only thing I can feel on my body. It’s almost like my brain shut off everything else. Kinda like “hey, make sure to only focus on Em totally holding your hand! You love-drunk hot hunk!”

… why am I thinking about this, anyways? I’m not hot nor a hunk.

“Aza?” I gasp out. Why is it so hard to talk? This is bad. This reminds me of when I couldn’t speak at all. Couldn’t defend myself from being accused of that stupid fucking…

Em starts sobbing even harder. Did I do that? It’s like the cries get louder and louder, as if the other unknown blobby people are crying to. Why? What happened? Did something happen to Aza? Where is he? If the blob people are crying, then they must be from Score, too, right? Rowan maybe… Mari? Lucius? No. Lucius is missing, probably dead. Verdict got to him… Rowan or Mari, then? Are they all here? Where’s Aza?

Em is wailing still, and I don’t know why. Somehow I get my fingers to clasp onto hers a little more. I can’t tell if I’m in pain or not. Everything’s numb and I can’t feel anything, but this situation’s just way too weird. Why can I barely move? Why can’t I talk? I have so many questions. My eyes involuntary start to close even more, and I yell at them in my head because I want to look at Em longer. I want my hand to move, to cup her cheek and my mouth to comfort her. But my body won’t move at all. It’s like my legs are nonexistent, too.

And then I start to think.

Am I dying?

“Em?” I croak. My voice sounds all wrong. It’s all broken up and quiet. Lucius would’ve made fun of me for it. You know, he was a scheming slimy bastard, but I do kind of miss him. Just kind of. Only kind of.

“Lo…ve… you,” I say, without thinking at all. Because what if I really am dying? I don’t even realize I’ve just confessed to the absolute love of my life. This could just be some weird circumstance, right? A minor injury I’m being overdramatic about, right? Even still, everything about this feels wrong.

I’d rather die a hundred Verdict executions before I die before confessing to her. Any execution but the Wall, of course. Because then Em and Mari and Rowan and Aza and Lucius would die too. Also Lucius is probably dead. So maybe he doesn’t count.

When I was accused, I couldn’t speak at all. After that, I became afraid of being quiet. But then I found Mari and Score. And through Score I found Em and the others. So to hell with the accusations, to hell with the rumors. To fucking hell with the life I had before, because this is better.

I like this. I like these people.

I like you. A lot. I love you.

Her pretty eyes widen at around the same time I realize what I’ve said. I laugh like a goofy man, the laugh coming out sounding like a dying run-over hedgehog on drugs and steroids with mega bass boost.

Weird simile, Mari would probably say.

Rowan taught me that one, I’d like to reply.

And then she smiles. Her eyes are still sad and teary, but she’s smiling and her hand is so warm.

I don’t know what’s happening at all, but I really do hope I wake up again. I hope I’m not dying, because I still need to beat the twins at their respective games. I hope I’m not dying, because I mainly want to be able to hug Em and confess again and again.

I can’t see her anymore, but I can hear her.

“I love you, Kae.”

That’s enough for me.

[turquoisepearl]

Hello girl! How can we manifest new friendships group? I’m struggling to pick affirmations and I give up so quickly all the time. It’s so hard to affirm for something you don’t have..I’m so lonely it’s super hard to try to pretend to have them and when I do visualise I don’t see anyones faces too. I know the universe works in mysterious ways but I don’t have a social life to meet them is it still possible 😅

Hope you are doing well 🤍

Hi babe!!!

Of course it's possible 😌 everything is possible, only you set the boundaries!

I'm going to be honest: I used to be extremely lonely as well. I had friends but they weren't good friends by any means and after a lot of soul-searching I realised I had been identifying with a story that I was disposable and lonely. I still struggle with that story sometimes but now I have a lot of friends and people who genuinely appreciate my company :)

I'll take you through a short recap of stuff I did over the years to improve my self concept! Both techniques and non-LOA stuff! I'm starting with the general non-lawofassumption stuff 🤍

Learn to enjoy your own company! Think about it: If everyone is you pushed out, then how can people enjoy your company if not even you can? Do things you enjoy to do, get to know yourself, take yourself out on cute little dates (like going shopping or hiking). Even for your daily life: play music when you clean, have fun cooking, read books at night and find ways to enjoy waking up! Enjoy being yourself. It seems counterintuitive but this is such a gamechanger.

This is connected to the first point but building your confidence will not only draw other confident people in but will also make everyone else see you the way you see yourself. Start with your self concept: change the way you speak to yourself (rather than "oh I'm so fat" you simply say "I want to lose weight". Make it neutral), be kind and gentle with yourself and your emotions, get comfortable exploring your emotion (online CBT exercises and books helped me with this but you can journal for example). Don't seek external validation, the only validation you need is your own. Realise that YOU and ONLY YOU can decide who you are. I was abused my entire life and didn't get the chance to develop a self identity so I know how hard it can be but I truly mean it when I say that ONLY YOU has that power. No one else can come up to you and tell you who to be or identify as unless you give them that power (and I still struggle with this).

I got over my shyness and became more outgoing after I did all the above and this one thing: just put myself out there! How many times do you judge people when you go outside? And once you stop judging yourself, so do others. I literally had a guy (kind of my current sp 🙈) tell me he had never met anyone that had anything bad to say about me: because I don't do the same to myself. I pushed myself to meet new people and that made me realise that people are never as harsh as your inner critic is.

I would say the things I mentioned above are the most important things to do to really embody the state of someone who is confident, has lots of friends and is extremely magnetic to people!

Now for the law of assumption techniques:

This is a little bit embarassing LOL but when I do my makeup in the morning, I sometimes "hear" people talking about me in my head. Like I do auditory visualisations of people saying "oh my god, she's one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen" or "she looks like an angel". This takes the awkwardness out of affirming for me since I too don't always feel it when I say "I am beautiful" or "I have friends". In your case you can just switch it up to something like hearing a person say "she's so genuine, I love spending time with her!". Overhearing it in your mind as if it's a memory makes it feel more real and helps you embody that state.

I have one affirmation that has worked great for me and its because it's something I truly do feel like is true. I say "I am a joy to be around" and envision people smiling around me, laughing at my jokes and enjoying being around me. The most important is that I really FEEL it. My current sp literally told me "I enjoy your company" and "I'm so grateful for you hanging out with me".

I sometimes struggle with visualising but I have had success with visualising hanging out with certain people (I guess non-romantic SPs). Like grabbing a beer or laughing with them. When visualising this I don't try to feel like what I'm visualising is actually happening irl, that has almost never worked for me. I just try feeling grateful for that person and their company.

When I was into crystals and new age stuff, I would do a morning meditation of me cleansing my energy and visualising an aura of love and joy around me. Like a golden bubble I carried around the whole day. I always had people compliment my energy and personality. This is just another way to get into that state!

I hope it helps! 🫶🏽❤️

[razorsadness]

The past couple weeks have been pretty intense, emotionally. Good, bad, weird, all three, but intense all ‘round.

The Monday before last, E. shared a post of J.L.’s on Facebook & I had to go thru the thing I’ve gone thru so many times already: Do I tell her he abused me & risk her disbelief & the loss of our friendship? Or do I say nothing & just feel super super gross forever & probably lose the friendship anyway because I’ll feel too uncomfortable hanging out with her while knowing she’s friendly with him? I decided to tell her, and ultimately she responded the way I’d hoped she would, but I was up half the night feeling nauseous & panicky. This is like the fourth or fifth time I’ve had to go through this re: J.L. Which, I guess, is not shocking; he’s a well-known guy in the Milwaukee DIY/arts scene. So yeah, not shocking, but it still sucks that I have to keep going thru this.

In the wee hours of that Monday night/Tuesday morning, just before I finally fell asleep, was the blood moon/eclipse. & when I woke a few hours later I was bleeding. That day was the midterm elections & I wanted to make a joke about I’ve got your red wave right here or something. Speaking of—boy, am I glad that the promised red wave did not happen.

That day, and for a few days after, I went thru a bout of mania the likes of which I haven’t seen in a while. There’s still a part of me that wants to fall back into the old self-destructive tendencies. Y’know, they get manic & wanna get stupid drunk about it, or fuck a stranger about it, & they get a little ornery that they can’t. But it is fortunate that, these days, I can sometimes harness my manic energy in more positive ways. I used this bout to get a bunch of housecleaning done, & work on my novella, & then... I was listening to Endless Possibility, the tribute to Jack Terricloth, & there were all these clips of him talking, & in one of them he said: It’s hard to live in the past, it’s hard to live in the future—we live absolutely in the moment. Now is the only time. Do not ever wait. The only answer is yes. & hearing that spurred me into beginning to put the finishing touches on the revised & updated edition of What We Talk About When We Talk About Punk.

Saturday the 12th we celebrated D.’s 11th birthday. His actual birthday was the 13th, but we decided to celebrate with my parents that night, at my mom’s studio, so we could watch the holiday parade. My mom saw my new haircut for the first time. She’d seen me a couple times already since I cut it, but I’d hidden it with a scarf or hat because I knew she’d make a comment & I wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. Sure enough, when she saw it, she visibly winced, then said: “Oh, Jess, really? I keep thinking you’ll grow out of doing that kind of thing.” My response was: “I keep thinking you’ll get used to me doing this kind of thing.” Then she said: “I mean, it’s your hair, you can do whatever you want, but you look so pretty with normal hair.” I just shrugged, cuz we’ve had this ‘discussion’ (& other, similar ones) approximately 5000 times in the past 28 years & she doesn’t get that I’m not trying to be pretty. I mean, yes, I like to feel pretty sometimes, but a. I certainly don’t want to be pretty in a conventional way, and b. overall, I am not going for pretty. I’m going for jolie-laide. I don’t want to be merely pretty, I want to be hot & a little intimidating.

I don’t know. She & I have been having some problems lately, in general, & they’re all the same troublesome dynamic we’ve always had. I love her but sometimes her comments & passive-aggressiveness just exhaust me.

The next day, between cooking, reading, & playing with the kiddos, I had several moments of professional jealousy/envy. I got really down about the trajectory of my career vs. other people’s careers & felt too sad about it to work on my novella that day (though I did work on a prose poem about why I wasn’t working on my novella).

But, the very next evening, I attended Library of America’s (virtual) lecture & Q&A with Todd Tietchen & Jean-Christophe Cloutier, the editor & translator, respectively, of LOA’s book The Unknown Kerouac. It helped me get past feeling sorry for myself. For many reasons, not the least of which was their mention of Jack writing: I hope it’s true that a man can die, and not only live in others, but give them life. Which in turn made me think of Sarah Manguso’s essay about the true purpose of being a serious writer: If people read your work and, as a result, choose life, then you are doing your job. It made my envy of others’ successes seem petty, made me remember— My purpose is not to receive accolades, my purpose is to write & to get my work out there so that the people who need it can find it, & it can give them life.

So, after the Q&A ended, I got back to work on my memory project. (Kerouac considered his entire oeuvre a memory project, a la Proust, & I see myself/my work in that same lineage.)

Thursday, I went to the Racine Art Museum with my mom. We did that last year near her birthday, too, and it was so nice that it has become our new tradition. I always love going to RAM; I feel so blessed that we have such a great art museum in this mid-sized midwest town. The new exhibits that have been added since I went there back in August are phenomenal. & the zodiac-themed virtual community art show my piece is part of? They had an iPad mounted on the wall, scrolling thru all the pieces in the show, & it was really fucking cool to see mine there. I know it was only on a small screen, but still. To see my art in a real fucking art museum? Kinda mind-blowing.

In other news:

Some of my nearest & dearest have been going thru some health scares. (Thankfully, I now know for sure that one of them was just that—a scare.) Little C. has been relentlessly moody, & I guess I’ve been pretty moody, too. I’ve been horny a lot & also sad a lot.

I’ve got a new crush. I know nothing can, or will, ever come of it, but I don’t mind so much. Crush energy, much like mania, is something I’ve learned to harness in more positive ways, most of the time. I don’t need to pursue my crush, I don’t need to pine, I can make them my muse & channel the energy into writing & art. & I’ve been deep in nostalgia—what else is new—longing for a hundred thousand people, places, moments from my past. Currently, I’m missing the winter I worked in a flower shop in Chicago, & the winter I ice skated once a week in downtown Milwaukee. But, at least nostalgia is another energy I can channel into art. My whole life is a memory project.

[guilty0fromance]

My heart never knew peace for a long time until you

Even when I was in Florida or around my parents or around any of those girls or boys my soul felt ripped apart

Things are different now between G and I and it’s always a complicated feeling

And it doesn’t matter what anyone does or says to me I stand back up like an inflatable thing

Which is half of what made us find each other

The other half is because you are the same

Inclusive of your past I think you are singular in very many ways, which I relate to and appreciate

God that Amy Winehouse movie is so sad but no the movie is not sad her life was sad and any media made about it good or bad is sad and it breaks my heart

We watched the second half of the movie silent, I squeezed your hand so tight your fingers turned cold and uncirculated, but you didn’t seem to mind.

When you started crying when it ended I knew exactly why, I was crying too, but inside.

RIP Winehouse she would have loved me

I don’t like when you think anyone is as cool as me

I am Ninja. Cook, Luke, Blake, whoever, when I was younger I would skip all the parts with them in it, because I don’t have a penis.

Why would I ever ask you to discourage that ‘side’ of me— there are no sides there are no parts. I am a whole thing I move wholly

I start out most of my sentences with ‘sometimes’. I never seek out to replace my simple language with larger words, only a desire to widen my vocabulary

I want to read more, and I do, read a lot, everything, all the time

When you verbalize the way you feel about me so clearly I fall silent with nothing to say, unnerved by your ability of speech. You must have been a lonely child.

I know you never need to hear anything back, you listen to my breath and appreciate our differences.

There were times I told people I was falling in love and lied straight through my teeth, my words move straight through whatever whoever whatever, moving through the motion of what it was used to.

Attached I was, yes, but Fate never hit me like it does now: right in front of me. It’s simple really.

You are beautiful, Spider, I know that means nothing to you: your straight teeth and low eyes; the more I love you the worse I write, why is that.

Because before I would dodge every simple word with sculpted sentences, and now I think of nothing but Baby

Baby

Baby…

The way I am is a man but the way I’ve loved anybody was a woman’s love: tearfully, crazily.

Oh but I’m tall for you always

Forgive me for every word I’ve said about others that may have slighted you

We are similar really

My mouth has always been well lubricated, as opposed to whatever it is between my legs, whose idea of wetness has been eradicated and reorganized

If we ever had to separate (God forbid) for whatever reason will you sit on the train with your palm faced upwards, I will come to you and squeeze your fingers with no words

The other night we wrote a book together, I was so good at speaking that night I even impressed myself with the sentences that shall not be publicly textually repeated, to anyone

You said you kept imagining your own naked body at ** years old, and me the same as I am, then the man with no face and grey pants.

[irishvampireboy]

that’s such a good way of putting it! i like a few bmth songs but i don’t know that many. i’ve dabbled into emo music and i think fob and bmth fit under emo??? but i’m not sure 100%. definitely get the interest in them, i should listen to more honestly but it’s Not The Right Time yet haha. it will happen sooner or later! just not now :’]

REAL!!!! i fucking have to have lyrics the first time i listen to a song or else i may as well not listen to it. i need to know the very essence of the song in every form or i’m not satisfied. lyricism is one of my favorite things, probably because i love words in general, but GOD. i love songs and concepts and fitting that into groovy lil tunes. it’s the best. AND YES, oh my god. you get it. i fucking love chateau (feel alright) because at a certain point in the song, you can hear joe’s mouth sounds and i’m so fucking obsessed with it. it’s also just one of my favorite djo songs in general. it’s ethereal to me. it’s a favorite song of all time of mine, as well as end of beginning. i did the math of playing a certain part of that song as the new year rolled in, if that explains any at all how much i adore end of beginning. music and me are one, as are you and music. i’m so happy you understand. it’s made me overjoyed and no less of it

:( that’s so kind. i hope you’re proud of yourself, because i am <3 i am so glad that you’re here, thank you for being here. i’m sure little you is so so so proud of you and happy to be where you are now 🫶

WOAH. that food looks so delicious, holy shit. looks like food from an actual recipe website or something. broccoli is so good by the way. i had this broccoli bake recently that was like mac and cheese but was broccoli instead of macaroni and it was incredible! i hope you can have more nice food soon, to treat yourself and such <3333

-🦇 (MWAH, you’re so nice to talk to. i felt like this was worth adding. talking to you makes stuff feel less lonely, if that’s not too parasocial to say. you’re such a cozy person and you have incredible vibes. thank you for existing in this space. you make it a lot brighter just by being you)

I think technically bmth is like screamcore stuff but they aren't as screamy now thankfully cuz i cant do the constant screams. Im like baby you're hurting both us with all this yelling. 🤣🤣🤣 but yeah i would think like emo punky and fob is like poppunk i think. I just ADORE their lead singer and his voice and ugh i can try and rec you a few songs if you ever want! Whenever the time hits!!!

(Gonna pop this under a readmore cuz they keep getting long!!! 🤣🤣🤣)

Ooohh yessssss Chateau is SUCH a dreamy song!!!! Its not my fave fave one but it does get stuck in my head A LOT. and yesss end of beginning is amazing too!!! I think Mutual Future (repeat) is one of my very faves. I just love how slow it is and then the like, way he almost chants the bit later on. Like he's full of so much need. Like... gosh. There's also a line in Personal Lies that literally makes my head go all fuzzy every time i hear it. Cuz, and hopefully not too tmi here, but I'm a little subby gremlin and he uses his condescending voice when he says "you need attention. Well baby there's the line" and i just.... go a little feral. Every time. Getting shivers now just thinkin about it. But like... that happens with me and music alllll the time!!!! And i LOVE that you timed it!!! Thats amazing!!! Sometimes you just need to hear the right thing to start the year right!!!!

And i am! Very proud of myself. I still have bad days here and there. But they never feel like i can't get past it anymore. So thats really nice. I just sort of embraced the small joys and it really just makes things brighter!

And awwww thank youuuuuu!!!! I love cooking so much!!!! I would share my food if i could!!!

YOU ARE SO SWEET OH MY GOSH! not parasocial too much i don't think. Most of my friends are online people who live in my phone ans i have so much love for them!!! BUT IM GENUINELY SO GLAD MY VIBES ARE GOOD AND COZY YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRYYYYY!!!!

[dieuleveut]

January 6th, 2024

happy new year!

sheesh where to start?

on January 2nd, a girl named Rachel reached out to me on Instagram.

Hi Juliet,

Not sure if you’ve ever been romantically involved with Gaige, but me and a number of women have come forward with information on his serial cheating for the past 4+ years. We’ll be meeting to share our stories and gain some level of closure from these situations.

Wishing you a blessed 2024,

Rachel

I got this message literally on my way to the company trip in Las Vegas. At first i thought this was some kind of spam, but with Gaige’s name dropped, it was factually real. Couldn’t believe it. I mean, i absolutely could but still. the events unfolding themselves were no less surprising to hear about.

Of course i responded truthfully. That Gaige and I had been sleeping together on and off for the past year and a half. Apparently this information lines up with another girl that he was in a relationship with.

There’s been a lot of supportive and open back and forth with Rachel. We’re sharing what we both know, about the cheating history and about Gaige’s person.

So far the names on the roster that Rachel has dropped are Wendy, Tiffany, Joanne, Cindy, Sue, Rose… I don’t personally have the full picture and timeline of events, but judging by the size of the roster alone is insane to me.

I’m not taking this as personally as I could be. Thank god that Gaige and I never became anything serious. So this to me doesn’t constitute as cheating or lying, though it certainly completes the picture of him being a shady white guy with an asian fetish. But still!! I got myself involved with another fucking cheater. He may not have cheated on me, but he’s a CHEATER. It’s unforgivable even as an accident, let alone as a multi-offender with manipulation tactics and intention. It’s beyond fucked up what he is doing to so many (asian) women.

AND this man is having/insisting on unprotected sex with Rachel. She mentioned that she got infections that she normally wouldn’t get aside from being with him. I thank god that he and I used condoms, but holy shit on top of being a malicious, manipulative cheater, he’s psychotically putting his victims at risk of disease and pregnancy??

Rachel is in cahoots with some of the other women involved, but I think that since my involvement with him wasn’t too serious, my involvement in the accountability plan might be optional. I’m going to give her some space with all the information that i had and dropped on her, and let her reach out if there is anything she needs from me.

As much as i would love to see the conclusion of this for story’s sake, i really am not that invested in him and perhaps it would be healthy to keep a good distance from the explosion that that conclusion would be.

—

The Vegas trip with all the Baron people was… interesting to say the least.

I picked up Lizzie and Denise on Tuesday and we drove there together. Lizzie is hoping to see absolutely no one we know there. We get into the hotel without a hitch around 6pm, and wait patiently for the group dinner plan at 8pm.

Everyone else rolls in a little later, and we eventually get into Ramsay’s Kitchen for dinner. Oh my god it was so mid?? for $150, we got a singular bite of salmon, a delicious crab cake, a mushy risotto, a SALTY beef wellington, and a crazy too sweet toffee pudding. Overall meal wasn’t bad, but I was super picky considering the price and the reputation of Gordon Ramsay’s cooking. Needless to say, I was a bit disappointed.

Then we all went back to the hotel to chill. Smoke weed, drink, hang out. That was a pretty fun time with all the girl being kooky and Denise or Jenny occasionally busting a move.

We woke up casually the next day, with no early morning plans. Denise, Lizzie and I opt for a place called Hash House a Go Go. I don’t think those two care for American food, but they weren’t very decisive for anything else so that was the option I suggested we go with.

After a late lunch, we head back to the hotel room to wait and get ready for the company dinner. Company dinner was fine, the food was WAY better than Ramsay’s. maybe because the price point was free, and there was no reputation to judge. But the portions were huge and flavors so much more cohesive.

After dinner, we went to the Cosmopolitan for a clubbing night. It was HORRIFYING. Insanely crowded and the drinks were criminally overpriced. So we all ended up smushed in a tiny dance floor, completely sober.

We all eventually ubered back to the hotel, where the plan was to just smoke weed in someone’s room and rot the night away. But apparently one lone girl got left behind at the club. None of the girls I was with knew who she was. So I’m frustrated because which one of her actual friends fucking left her behind?

So we’re stuck waiting up for this girl to find her way back to the hotel, and my energy to party was buzzed so hard, all i wanted to do was sleep in my room.

The night is basically another night in the hotel. No socializing or partying with people we knew outside of our friend group.

I’m a little irked with my friends tbh. I understand we’re all introverts and socially anxious, but they themselves complained about being isolated from Baron. It has to be partially on them, doesn’t it? If they actively are not participating in the vibe, if they actively avoid people, how will other Baron people make them feel welcome?

Another thing that bothered me, was that this group of people are INSANELY indecisive or inactive. Like, when it came to actually planning anything, it was on me to decide the plan. Lizzie and Denise would say “we’re down for whatever” or “I don’t care what we do” but when an actual suggestion was given, they clearly had preferences.

I just wish that they were straightforward with their preferences so that we could have an actual discussion about what the plan should be. I wish they were more proactive about what they wanted to happen. I decided to be more laidback about this trip, not planning anything exactly and not being particular about any kind of schedule.

But i think that stressed me out more than it helped. The people pleaser in me wasn’t able to figure if people were happy doing nothing or if they actually wanted to do something. Overall, if i ever hang out with these girls again, i might have to be more aggressive with my planning activities in order for ME to have a good time. If they don’t like it, then they’ll have to learn to speak up. Because it drives me crazy to try and read people. probably because i’m a little autistic guys.

[emberlynnrayne]

Weddings, Family, and Bullshit

What is it about weddings that make people so crazy? My sister’s wedding was this past weekend, August 8th, and good god, it couldn’t be over soon enough. There are so many threads of B.S. that tie into the knot of that day, I don’t know where to start. Oh! How about that it only happened because I got engaged? No, really. She had been saying for ages before it that they were “married in the eyes of God, and anything more is a paper of man” (Obviously my sister is more than religious enough to make up for my lack of it.) She said they were going to save up for a nice wedding and they were in no rush. She said these things over and over, as recently as days before my engagement was announced. Not only that, my sister has always been very “I’m the oldest, I should be first!” To an incredibly irritating and delusional degree. So just a week after I was engaged, she announced her plan to have her wedding. God. Dammit. Because of this, our weddings were made to be a competition. With little over a year and a half for me to plan mine, and barely 6 months for hers, the family decided that her wedding was going to be a wreck and mine would be gorgeous. No pressure, right? But she just kept screwing herself over! She bought a 4 foot metal swimming pool, and literally HOURS later posted to facebook complaining about trying to afford her wedding. I wanted to be happy for my sister, but for a thousand reasons, I just couldn’t. She kept shooting herself in the foot only to butch and moan like it was someone else’s fault, the family kept comparing all our decisions, and she was such a smug, childish cunt I just wanted it to be over. Some maid of honor I am, huh? But I was only her maid of honor because she moved to a nasty little chicken farm town in GA, alienated her friends, and made a number of bad decisions that keep her broke and housebound. She had no one else and it was her own fault. Oh, and she was planning to milk me for every penny she could. Unfortunately for her, my stable job and working fiance pay our bills, and we do put our bills and responsibilities first, so there really wasn’t anything left for her. You know her church offered her a choice between a wedding shower and free catering for her wedding? Guess which she chose. Then she tried getting our father to do all the cooking and serving. I sound like a terrible person and sister, but I’m still mad. I held all this in, kept a smile on my face, and stayed supportive for her. I did everything I could do for her because in spite of all the crap, I love her and this was her big day. With her date literally 2 month in the year before my chosen date, October 8th, which I had announced before her, as well. All that aside, I sucked it up, put a smile on my face, made the trip to the most disgusting town in GA, and did my best to make sure she had a great day. And it turned out alright. I wouldn’t have chosen blue and orange for my colors, but Rosanna and I have always been incredible opposites.

Family. Oh, tumblr, will you ever hear the end of my family troubles? DRAFT END

Here’s my thoughts, several years later.  Rosanna is stuck in a holier than thou, victim mentality. I was so angry when I wrote the above post, because I was tired of the competition. It didnt stop after this, either. Years later, long after I went no contact with her, she scheduled her baby shower to be on my daughters birthday. She knew from family that that day was my daughters birthday, but she didnt care. Rosanna was the favorite. The golden child that got what she wanted. We were raised in constant competition with each other. She was the normal child that my parents could understand and support. I was the troubled child that liked weird things and they didnt understand. Thats a whole thing to write another day. 

Ive been no contact with my sister for years, and I dont regret it. She’s not a good person, she doesnt make healthy, responsible decisions, and she uses her christian god as a weapon and validation for her toxicity. “You dont need antidepressants, you need god.” was probably the final straw for me. Shes homophobic, ignorant, and so very self absorbed. She doesnt care that she hurts people. Im past being sad about the disconnect.  I dont know what else to write, so Im going to end this here. 

[shingia]

reqs for dating hcs forrr armin please!! love your writing :)

dating armin

↳ aaaa tysmmm<333 also thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my love for armin :’)

↳ cw: modern!au for most of the hcs because i desperately need to picture him in a happy setting <3

connie version! jean version!

• i wanna start by saying this: dating him is life changing.

• you had no idea know how much you deserved to be taken care of before meeting him

• he just… he cares. SO FREAKING MUCH.

• he writes down every single thing he thinks is worth remembering about you: whether it’s appointments you have, important dates in your life, or just anecdotes about you that he doesn’t want to forget

• but you have to show that you care about him as well, because poor baby isn’t the most confident boyfriend ever

• hug him please. as often as possible. he needs a hug so bad.

• don’t be afraid to give him lots of physical affection in general, he prefers when you initiate it because he’s afraid he might make you uncomfortable if he ever does

• little spoon armin supremacy >>>

• he always nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck when you’re cuddling, it’s comfortable + it makes it easy for you to play with his hair

• after some time in the relationship, he even starts to leave small kisses near your collarbone, sometimes until he falls asleep

• he also loves to give you forehead kisses ever since you told him it made you feel like he was protecting you

• you often go on walks together. nothing extreme, just little walks around town during which he never lets go of your hand. it’s the only kind of pda that doesn’t make him blush like crazy

• obviously he’s always willing to read to you whenever you ask. and when he does, he always keep a pencil with him because he wants to annotate the book with every little remark you make :>

• that way when he reads it again on his own it reminds him of you <33333333333333

• his voice is just so pleasant to hear, it doesn’t matter how shitty your day was, there’s no way armin reading to you won’t make it better

• connie says you guys are like an old couple. and armin really enjoys it actually

• sitting on a bench for hours and feeding the ducks while talking shit about people, sending each other the weekly weather forecast to plan your walks, starting a movie but falling asleep after ten minutes… he likes to do these things!

• he’s so smitten that anything you do together is a blessing for him tbh

• but planning trips together is his absolute favorite thing to do

• the world is just so big, he wants to see as much of it as possible and he can’t even imagine not doing it with you

• oh also: !!!PICNIC DATES!!!

• he always does all the cooking because he’s just so excited for it he has to keep himself busy

• and then you both ride your bikes to the nearest park <3 (there’s nothing more precious than armin riding a bike change my mind)

• he takes so many pictures of you, and you take so many pictures of him (he’s so photogenic it’s insane, you can never take a bad picture of him)

• when he felt ready to tell you that he loved you for the first time, he wondered if ‘i’m in love with you’ might be better than ‘i love you’

• but he was so anxious that he ended up blurting out a ‘i love with you’, which made him facepalm so hard

• he then promised himself he would never mess it up again (he didn’t <3 he learned from his mistake <3)

• (and for the record, he prefers to say ‘i love you’ ;))

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED!

[flowercrown-bard]

Oh, what’s in a name?

summary: Geralt accidentally calls Jaskier by the wrong name and Jaskier finds out that maybe that's a compliment

pairing: Geralt/Jaskier

word count: 3k

AO3

warnings: none

„Can you hand me the whetstone, Roach?”

Jaskier, already mid-motion to turn and ready to do what Geralt had asked him to, froze. Slowly, and with the biggest grin he could fit on his lips, he turned back to face Geralt again.

“What did you just say?” He could barely contain the laughter in his voice. Raising an eyebrow, he exchanged a look with Roach – well, he tried to exchange a look with Roach, but as usual, she didn’t cooperate – and let out a tiny snort.

Geralt’s brows furrowed in confusion and he gave a small grunt, before saying, “The whetstone.”

Jaskier blinked, his mouth already half-open to tease Geralt about growing old enough to forget the name of his dearest travel companion, but then he stopped himself. He squinted at Geralt, trying to find any hint on his face that he had even realised that he had called Jaskier by the wrong name, but he found none.

For a moment, he contemplated being offended by being mistaken with a horse, but then Roach trotted over to Geralt and nibbled at his hair, making the witcher look up with the softest smile as he petted her neck.

The sight of Geralt so relaxed and free with his smile, made something warm and fuzzy grow in Jaskier’s chest.

He decided not to say anything. At least for now.

--

Jaskier’s plans to tease Geralt about the name-thing later failed spectacularly. Not because Jaskier didn’t dare tease Geralt, of course, but because all of his attempts to subtly tease him didn’t work, and Jaskier was too proud of his finesse with words to take a more direct approach to his teasing.

He tried singing songs in which he exchanged Geralt’s name or moniker with something else, which only earned him an amused hum.

“Is calling me the White Wolf not enough anymore?” Geralt asked when Jaskier had finished his little ditty. “I thought you needed one moniker for me for memorability.”

Jaskier huffed and nearly opened his mouth to tell Geralt plainly why he had gone with the wrong moniker, but then he blinked.

“You listened to me while I told you about that?”

Geralt shrugged and turned to tend to Roach. Jaskier was nearly fully convinced that he only did it to have an excuse to avoid eye-contact.

“It’s nice talking to someone who talks back.”

Jaskier snorted. “My friend, I’d say out of the two of us, I’m the one who’s doing most of the talking.”

Geralt didn’t reply, proving Jaskier’s point.

--

Oh, but Jaskier had been wrong. He didn’t realise just how wrong he had been about Geralt’s penchant for taciturnity, until they had to spend more than a couple of days in town.

Had Jaskier thought Geralt didn’t like talking all that much before, he was now fully taken aback by just how little Geralt actually said. Jaskier would have thought that a town with many people – most of which were even somewhat friendly towards Geralt – would get Geralt to relax, but it only served to make him clam up and become more quiet.

That is, he was quiet, save for when he talked to Jaskier.

In comparison to how he treated everyone else, he was downright chatty with him.

After that discovery, Jaskier made a point of talking more about things that Geralt seemed to like talking about. He let him explain the importance of cleaning his swords so often, lest they rust from his touch. He let him talk for hours on end about how to take care of horses. Once Jaskier got him to open up about his family, Geralt almost didn’t stop talking about his brothers, recounting how he and Eskel had once caught a giant bumblebee or reminiscing about how Lambert had tried to set fire to the instructors’ beds when he had been a trainee.

Watching Geralt talk like that was an experience. Every word that he entrusted with Jaskier made his heart flutter and every small smile Geralt gave him as he talked, took his breath away.

“I think you’d really like them, Roach,” Geralt said to conclude his story about his brothers.

Jaskier’s lips twitched upwards, but just like the first time it had happened, Geralt didn’t seem to realise what he had just said.

Jaskier’s grin turned into a soft smile and he leaned a little against Geralt, letting their shoulders touch gently.

“If they are anything like you, I’m sure I’ll like them.”

--

A couple of weeks later, Jaskier had to admit to himself that he had been wrong once again. He really needed to be careful not to make being wrong into a habit. He had always prided himself in being intelligent – after all, he was a master of the seven liberal arts and years ago, he had made the most intelligent decision of befriending one Geralt of Rivia – and being wrong about things just wasn’t something he liked doing.

But when it came to Geralt, there were always new things to learn, new facets of him to discover. And that wasn’t something Jaskier minded. In fact, every time he learned something new about Geralt – every time Geralt trusted him with new information about himself – Jaskier’s chest felt like it was expanding with that happy little flutter inside.

It was enlightening to learn that Geralt rarely ever cooked with spices, not because they were too expensive, but because his senses were sharp enough to not need much of them.

It was interesting to find out that Geralt liked making up the witcher-code on the spot, whenever someone asked him to do something that he didn’t want to do.

It was endearing finding out that Geralt had named all of his horses Roach.

But it was utterly shocking, when after weeks of having gone their separate ways, Jaskier finally tracked down Geralt to find him talking to Roach.

He froze to his spot and listened enraptured as Geralt spoke to his horse as others did to their friends. As Geralt did to Jaskier.

No. No, that wasn’t it at all. Geralt wasn’t speaking to Roach as he did to Jaskier.

He spoke to Jaskier as he did to Roach.

Jaskier’s eyes went wide at the realisation. How long had Geralt been alone before Jaskier had attached himself to his side, with only Roach as company?

Jaskier thought back to all the times Geralt had looked insecure when speaking with Jaskier when they had first started travelling together, as if he didn’t know how to talk to people. As if he didn’t have much experience doing so outside of negotiating contracts or the winters that he spent with his family.

Thinking of it, Jaskier realised that he probably was the only friend besides Roach that Geralt had.

Jaskier swallowed against the lump forming in his throat and continued walking to Geralt, announcing his presence with a cheerful, “My friend! I missed you!”

Geralt whirled around to him, an unreadable expression on his face, and Jaskier’s chest twisted uncomfortably, unsure if he had maybe been a bit too enthusiastic, but then Geralt’s eyes softened and he gave Jaskier the smallest but most beautiful of smiles.

That evening, as they sat beside the crackling fire and Jaskier plucked a soft melody on his lute as background noise, Geralt talked to him again, telling him with only minimal prompting about the contracts he had completed while Jaskier had been away playing at court.

When the fire died down and Jaskier got too tired to stay awake any longer, Geralt softly nudged him towards his bedroll.

“We can continue this talk tomorrow,” Geralt said, a little hesitantly, as if he still wasn’t entirely sure if his voice was welcome.

“I’d love to.” Jaskier pulled his blanket up to his chin and smiled when Geralt’s shoulders lost the little tension that had taken hold of them with his last words. “Goodnight, Geralt.”

“Goodnight, Roach.”

Jaskier pulled the blanket a little higher to hide his smile. The last thing he thought, before sleep embraced him, was that it really wasn’t that bad being called by Roach’s name.

--

Now, Jaskier and Roach had never gotten along too well. He had tried to braid her mane despite Geralt warning him that she didn’t like people touching her and she had tried to bite his fingers off.

Sometimes, when Jaskier got peckish, he stole the apple slices Geralt would buy for Roach. Other times, Roach would swat at Jaskier with her tail as if he was an irritating fly, while he was in the middle of composing a song.

Safe to say, they barely did much more than tolerate each other’s presence for Geralt’s sake.

Now though, with Jaskier’s newfound knowledge about how important the mare was to Geralt, Jaskier saw her in a different light.

Oh, sure, she was still cantankerous and stubborn, but she was also Geralt’s oldest companion and friend on the Path.

So Jaskier made a point of always putting some coin aside to buy her treats whenever they got into town and composing odes to her beauty. He wasn’t sure if Roach appreciated the latter, but there was no doubt she liked the treats he got her.

It didn’t take long, until she allowed him to pet her soft muzzle and shortly after, she started following Jaskier around or approaching him happily when he came back after having split from Geralt for a while.

At first, Geralt watched this new display of affection between them warily, but all too soon, Jaskier caught him smiling when Roach nibbled at Jaskier’s hair or Jaskier went out of his way to brush her down.

One time, while Geralt had thought Jaskier was too deep in thought composing to hear him, he had whispered to Roach how happy he was that the two of them got along.

--

“Remember when I said you would like my brothers?” Geralt said one morning, completely out of the blue, while watching Jaskier try to catch the falling red leaves from the air.

Distracted, Jaskier missed the leaf just by a hair’s breadth. It landed on his head instead. Seemingly without thinking, Geralt brushed it off Jaskier’s head, lingering just a little too long to be a casual touch.

“Y-yeah,” Jaskier said, his heart jumping to his throat. “Of course I remember you talking about Eskel and Lambert.”

Something lit up in Geralt’s eyes. “You remember their names?”

“Naturally,” Jaskier said softly. “They are important to you.”

Geralt remained quiet for a little while, just staring at Jaskier with an unreadable expression. “They are,” he said finally. Geralt’s throat bobbed when he swallowed. “I was wondering…if maybe you would like to meet them?”

Jaskier’s brows shot up. “Are they near?”

Geralt shook his head and turned away, clearly pretending to check over Roach’s saddle.

“You could meet them if you came with me to Kaer Morhen.”

For once, Jaskier was at a loss of words. He must have stayed silent for so long that Geralt began worrying, for he turned back to him with a frown.

Before he could take his words back, Jaskier surged forward and slung his arms around him.

“I would love to come with you.”

--

On their way up the mountain, Jaskier needled Geralt with questions about the keep, but Geralt refused to give as much as a hint of what Jaskier had to expect from a winter with the wolves.

Jaskier considered pouting, but the twinkle in Geralt’s eyes made it impossible to even pretend to be mad at him. Not when it was clear that Geralt was going back to his taciturn ways to have the keep be a surprise for Jaskier.

And a surprise it was.

When the walls of Kaer Morhen came into view, towering over them, Jaskier lost all ability to speak. His eyes raked over the massive doors, the towers that stretched high into the sky and every part of the courtyard that he just itched to explore.

A soft noise beside him made him turn towards Geralt again. His breath caught in his throat when he met Geralt’s gaze, soft and holding more fondness than Geralt had ever allowed himself to show Jaskier while they were out there on the continent.

--

Geralt hadn’t lied when he had said that Jaskier would get along with his family. It didn’t take more than one night of drinking together, for Jaskier to decide that the other wolf witchers were his friends now too.

Eskel showed him his poetry collection and his eyes lit up when Jaskier promised to discuss every poem in it with Eskel.

Vesemir was happy to have someone who listened to him with enthusiasm when he talked about monsters and fighting techniques for once.

Lambert was a little harder to get to warm up to Jaskier, but after Jaskier had beaten Geralt in a round of gwent – granted, he had cheated shamelessly, but a victory was a victory – Lambert had barked out a laugh and ruffled Jaskier’s hair, proclaiming that he should come to Kaer Morhen more often.

--

It was mid-winter when the inevitable happened again. Jaskier had started to look forward to it, but he hadn’t realised just what it would mean if Geralt slipped up again while at Kaer Morhen.

Lambert, Geralt and Jaskier were just shovelling snow near the stables, when it happened. Well, maybe calling it ‘shovelling snow’ was a bit generous. That certainly was what they were supposed to do, but after Lambert had thrown the snow to the side with enough enthusiasm to –maybe? – accidentally hit Jaskier with it instead, it had turned into a full blown snow fight, in which Jaskier constantly shifted sides from ganging up on Lambert with Geralt and throwing his arms around Geralt in a hug to keep him in place while Lambert put snow down Geralt’s shirt.

“Stop it,” Geralt laughed and wriggled in his grip, enough to be playful, but coming nowhere close to using even half of his full strength. “Let go, or I’ll throw you into a pile of snow, Roach!”

“I’d like to see you try.” Jaskier smirked and tightened his hold. “Lambert, now!”

But Lambert was frozen mid-motion of grabbing more snow. He stared at Geralt with the biggest shit eating grin on his face.

“Roach?” He asked with a snort. “Did you just call him Roach?”

In Jaskier’s arms, Geralt stiffened. “I-“

He broke off, throwing a quick glance at Jaskier over his shoulder, before looking away again. Yet, it had been enough for Jaskier to see the look that he had come to understand as blind panic on Geralt’s face.

Before Jaskier could ask him what was wrong, Geralt shrugged him off, easily freeing himself from the hold he had so happily endured before.

“Geralt-“

But Geralt didn’t even falter in his steps. He all but fled into the stables.

Jaskier exchanged a quick look with Lambert who shrugged as if he didn’t care, but followed Geralt’s flight with his eyes and a hint of worry in his expression.

Jaskier didn’t hesitate any longer and ran after Geralt.

Geralt must have heard him enter the stables and hid, for when Jaskier’s eyes adjusted to the dim light, Geralt was nowhere to be found.

Jaskier’s steps slowed and he rubbed his fingers together nervously.

“Geralt?” He asked uncertainly. The only reply he got was the huffing from the horses.

Jaskier’s heart sank, but he set his brow in determination. In two strides, he walked over to the box with Roach, who blew a breath of hot air into his face in greeting.

“Hello there, Roach,” Jaskier began, loud enough that there was no mistaking that he fully intended Geralt to hear him, even though he knew it was unnecessary to raise his voice since Geralt would have been able to hear him even if he had whispered. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, my dear lady. Did you know that Geralt sometimes calls me by your name?”

Roach huffed and Jaskier began stroking the white stripe on her face.

“Yes, I know,” he continued, “But I swear he doesn’t mean it as an insult to you. I for one am actually rather flattered. I’ve been called by the wrong name before, and usually it’s something that makes me feel like the other person doesn’t think I’m worth having my name remembered. Or as if they don’t respect me enough to learn it. But it’s different with Geralt.” His voice softened. “If he calls me by the name of someone who means so much to him, then that is the highest honour I can imagine. You have no idea how happy it makes me that he trusts and likes me enough to talk to me like he does to his other most faithful friend. And can I tell you a secret, dear Roach?” He got up on his tiptoes to get closer to her ear as he stage-whispered, “Geralt is really important to me too. And I really want him to know that I mean it when I say that he’s my best friend, whether he calls me by your name or mine.”

Behind him, straw rustled and the tapping of steps announced that Geralt was coming closer. Not only that, but the fact that Jaskier could hear Geralt approach, meant that Geralt put effort into not startling him. Jaskier hid his smile in Roach’s neck. Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched Geralt approach slowly, as if he was unsure about every step he took.

Finally, he reached them, standing on Roach’s other side. Jaskier heard him take in a deep breath and he already readied himself to listen to Geralt talk to Roach as he had just done, but then Geralt rounded Roach and came to stand before Jaskier instead.

In his eyes, fear and fondness fought a battle, that fondness won when Jaskier reached out a hand to softly brush it against Geralt’s. With a sigh that expanded Geralt’s entire chest, Geralt intertwined their fingers.

“I-thank you,” Geralt said, looking down at their joined hands. “For understanding. For not being angry at me. I – you are important to me too. More important than anyone outside of Kaer Morhen ever was.” He lifted his head again, giving Jaskier an intense look that sent shivers up his spine. With more meaning, affection and trust than anyone had ever spoken Jaskier’s name with, Geralt said, “You are the most important person to me, Jaskier.”

Jaskier’s eyes stung and he let out a small choked noise. Without thinking, he tugged Geralt closer and flung his free arm around his shoulders, holding him as tightly as he could and burying his head in Geralt’s chest. Geralt’s hand that wasn’t holding Jaskier’s still, came up to cradle the back of his head and Geralt’s cheek pressed against the top of his head.

“Geralt.” Jaskier’s voice got muffled but the low rumble in Geralt’s chest as he hummed in acknowledgement told Jaskier that he could still understand him. “You’re my most important person too. My Geralt.”

“My Jaskier.”

--

Over the years, Geralt slipped up less and less. Jaskier would have been almost disappointed, if he didn’t like the way Geralt called him “my Jaskier”, or “my Buttercup” so much.

Well. Jaskier had been wrong before when it came to Geralt and as it turned out, he continued to have this terrible habit, try as he might to get rid of it. Because, when Jaskier had assumed that Geralt didn’t slip up on his and Roach’s names anymore, he had been dead wrong.

The thing was, after years of having Jaskier at his side, of being close to him and loving him with his entire being, Geralt had gotten so used to talking to Jaskier, that one day, while Jaskier was plucking away idly at his lute and Geralt was brushing down Roach, he heard the most curious thing, that made him smile wider than he had ever smiled before.

“There you go,” Geralt said as he brushed down Roach’s flank and she kept turning her head, trying to get to the treats in Geralt’s pockets. “You’ll get the treats if you’re a good horse and stay still for once, Jaskier.”

[monocaelia]

comforting you after a nightmare headcanons

nightmares aren't fun, but luckily you have someone there to protect you.

feat. albedo, diluc, childe, kaeya, xiao, zhongli

genre : hurt/comfort, fluff

note : hbd to me!! here's a gift from me to you with one of my favorite tropes, hehe <:

❀ albedo

albedo isn't one to dream much, let alone rest. he's always caught up in his own research and experiments that sleep isn't really needed if he wanted to be more productive in his research, despite the worried comments from sucrose and your lighthearted nags that he'll stay short forever.

though, that isn't to say that he's not interested. there are many times that albedo has caught you dozing off in his laboratory while waiting for him to be done with his experiments. he would be lying to himself if he didn't wonder what could possibly be playing in your mind to make you be smiling like that while unconscious.

this time, though, is an exception.

test tubes and flasks filled with various liquids and concoctions fill albedo's workspace as he examines each and every one before filling in his notebooks with descriptions and drawings of his work. there's a shuffle from his other desk and his eyes shift up to glance at you. albedo's gaze softens at the sight of his coat draped over your shoulders as they move to the rhythm of your breathing.

he wonders why you choose to stay at his laboratory so late and wait for him to finish his research rather than head home alone and sleep in your much more comfortable bed. albedo supposes you find comfort in his presence, an odd thing to be comforted by really.

however, the gentle smile quickly falls from his face the moment he hears the quiet whimpers and pleas. as quickly as he could, albedo moves to your side and gently shakes you awake. he isn't the least surprised when your eyes snap open and a gasp leaves your lips.

"...are you alright?" the question breaks you from your daze and you seem to relax when you realize you aren't dreaming anymore. though, the way your hands and shoulders shake doesn't escape the sharp eyes observing you.

"come on, i think i'm done with my research for now. we can head home if you'd like?" albedo smiles when you nod your head, but as he turns to pack up and prepare to leave his laboratory your hand shoots out to grasp his own.

albedo is surprised at first, but the shock melts into endearment as his hand pulls yours up to his lips. he presses a gentle kiss on your knuckles, reassuring you that he'll be right there for you. that you wouldn't be alone.

"nightmares, huh? ...i wonder if i can concoct something to help eradicate the chances of them appearing. oh, don't worry, i won't leave your side for the rest of the evening. promise."

❀ diluc

diluc isn't prone to nightmares, honestly he probably gets them quite often. or maybe even dreamless dreams if he's lucky. well, considering he sleeps at all. he's busy being the darknight hero of mondstatdt in the dead of night, so sleep doesn't come by often for the red haired vigilante.

even when he does get nightmares, there's not many people he can call to or rely on to help comfort him. he doesn't trust any of the knights, and he definitely doesn't trust kaeya to help at all. so comforting someone isn't something he knows how to do well.

but he tries his best to comfort you in any way, shape, or form if you ever needed him to.

the knocking against his door is quiet, nearly nonexistent if diluc was preoccupied with anything other than trying to sleep. he would have ignored it if it weren't for the quiet whisper of his name from a voice he recognized. sighing, he rises from his bed and heads over to his door, mentally preparing himself for whatever you're planning to throw over his head.

instead, diluc is met with your cheeky smile. you're definitely up to no good, but he hasn't quite figured out what you were going to do or say. before he could even question why you're standing outside his door in the dead of night, you interrupt him.

"wow diluc! fancy seeing you here, do you come here often?" he deadpans at you and nearly closes the door to go back to sleep. but he notices the way your fingers twiddle, a sign that you're nervous about something. his eyes flicker to your face, scanning anything that would give him clues on what's on your mind.

"what happened?" diluc's brows furrow in worry seeing the way your smile falls and the way your body begins to curl in on itself. he offers a hand for you to take, an invitation for you to be comforted by the stoic man in front of you. he lets a small smile grow on his lips when he sees you brighten up a tad at his invitation.

your hand is encased in his own, scarred and rough with callouses but comforting and warm at the same time.

"go back to sleep, it's already getting really late. if you need anything, though, i'll be right here until the dawn rises."

❀ childe

although sleep is necessary to maintain perfect health, childe finds it difficult to maintain a proper sleeping schedule due to his job as a fatui harbinger. when the tsaritsa calls, he needs to be there immediately to come to her aid and carry out her orders regardless of how inconvenient it was for him.

but, having many siblings, especially younger ones, has always prepared childe to comfort and protect anyone that he holds close to his heart. nobody, not even nightmares, can get close enough to harm the people he loves, not if he's alive to knock them down a peg.

which definitely includes you, someone who holds his entire world in the palm of your hands.

childe finds you awake at the dead of night after one of his shifts at the northland bank. which is surprising considering you're always asleep before he gets back home from work, always trying to stay up to welcome the harbinger home but always succumbing to the sweet embrace of slumber.

a mischievous grin grows on his lips as he plans to spook you, but as he nears your body, the shaking of your body and quiet sniffles reach his ears. immediately, childe's hand is on your shoulder and he frowns when you yelp and whip around to see him.

"o-oh, ajax, i didn't expect to see you home so soon. i was just getting ready for bed." a white lie. childe presses his lips into a thin line, his hand reaching out to catch a tear falling from your cheek. did...did he do this to you? was he being a bad partner for not putting aside more time for you?

as if reading his mind, you vehemently shake your head and grab onto childe's wrist. "no! no... it's not what you think i just had a really bad dream and couldn't go back to sleep. don't worry, you don't need to beat yourself up over this." he relaxes immediately at your comment, but he still feels bad for leaving you alone when you needed someone to comfort you.

childe leans over, cupping your face in his hands as he showers your face in featherlight kisses. your giggles fill the room and the habinger can't help but laugh as well, especially after pressing a wet, sloppy kiss on your lips. "how about i cook you a nice stew for tonight? it always helped teucer calm down when he was scared."

and you take him up on that offer. the rest of the evening is filled with light laughter from the both of you as childe moves around the kitchen and tells you stories of his childhood. the scene is comforting, peaceful, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"how about we turn in for tonight? don't worry, nothing will harm you as long as your big, strong ajax is by your side!"

❀ kaeya

despite his title of being a "lazy" and "laid-back" captain of the calvary, kaeya isn't one to sleep too much. he has a regular sleeping schedule, though there are some nights where the memories of his past haunt him and he stays up reminiscing about how things were.

he's one to brood alone, not letting anyone see him vulnerable. but he likes to be relied on. there isn't a bone in his body that prevents him from helping anyone in need, even though the way he gets things done is quite... unconventional to everybody else's standards.

but when you call to him for help, he’s there in an instant.

the sound of rustling from beside kaeya stirs him from his slumber. he squints, his good eye focusing in the darkness of his room before landing on your curled up figure beside him. he figures you’re just shifting in your sleep and closes his eyes again, but you shift again and sigh. surely, you’re not sleeping at this point.

kaeya gently calls out your name, a warm smile on his face when he sees you startle from his voice. though, his smile melts away from his face when he sees your expression. it doesn’t help that you flinch slightly when his hand reaches over to brush against your cheek.

“sorry, i just…i’m still shaken from my dream and-“ your apologies are cut short when kaeya sends you a comforting smile and cups your jaw in his hand. he assures you that it’s fine.

“are you okay? how long have you been up?” it takes you a moment too long to come up with a lie that would put your lover at ease. when you come up with an answer, kaeya is already staring at you with his mismatched orbs, one of deep sapphire and the other a light, milky blue color. you can’t lie to him now.

so you tell the calvary captain about the dream you just had, not going too into details with what really shook you. and kaeya listens to everything you say, a hand firmly on your arm to remind him that you’re with him and not whatever occurred in your dreams.

he makes little comments here and there to lighten the mood, though he knows when to keep quiet so you can talk it through. when you finish talking the dream through, kaeya pinches your cheek, chiding you for dreaming of such things.

but he reassures you that you’re fine, and that he’s here to protect you should anything from your dreams come into reality. he jokes about letting you handle everything alone, but you know he wouldn’t despite how cheeky he is.

"don't let the bedbugs bite, [name]. haha, kidding. i'll be here to fight them off if you need me. i am a captain after all."

❀ xiao

xiao isn't unfamiliar with nightmares and dreams. don't forget, one of his duties under the reign of the yaksha's previous master was to devour the dreams of the innocent. it had gotten to the point where dreams were the only things he could stomach, despite detesting the intent behind it.

despite it all, though, xiao is still an adeptus who protects the mortals and the innocent of liyue. his sole job now, under his contract with rex lapis, is to protect even if it means throwing his life away. with a swift call of his name, he would be there to be the guardian of liyue and anyone residing in it.

and that includes you, the sole mortal that the young adeptus enjoys the company of.

a gasp tears through your throat as you sit up in your bed, sweat dripping down the side of your face. your eyes are blown wide open with the visions of your nightmare still clear in your mind. the rapid beating of your heart and panting are the only sounds heard in your otherwise quiet bedroom.

curses spill from your lips as you cradle your head in your hands, your knees pulled up to your chest to try and make yourself as small as you possibly could. but to no avail, no matter what you did to comfort yourself or make yourself forget the nightmare, the visions still flashed in your memories every time you closed your eyes.

you don't hear the rustling from your window, nor did you feel the presence of someone crouching from behind your curtains. it's only when he gently calls your name do you whip your head around, eyes coming face to face with golden eyes that gleam in the moonlight.

"xiao... sorry i didn't see you there," you stutter, quickly wiping your eyes and turning away so the young adeptus wouldn't see you crying. his eyes narrow at you, eyebrows furrowing as a frown settles on his face. "what are you-"

your hands are pulled away from your face and you're pulled closer to him. "you're crying." you try to deny xiao's observation and reassure him that you're fine, but a hand gently brushes against your cheek.

xiao doesn't say anything when the tears begin falling down your face again. he doesn't say anything when you jump into his arms and bury your face in his chest. you feel his arms firmly wrap themselves around you. he doesn't say a word, but his actions alone assure you that he would be there with you for the rest of the evening.

"sleep. should any more dreams come to haunt you during your rest, i'll be here to dispose of them."

❀ zhongli

as an archon, zhongli doesn't find much need for sleep. he's a god and no god needs sleep to be energized for the following day. it's not like it would do well for him anyways, seeing as he would much rather prefer strolling the lit up streets of liyue harbor in the late evening before returning to his home to drink tea and relax.

that's not to say he isn't familiar with dreams and how they can affect mortals. he knows full well the impact they can have, especially if they're dreams filled with horrible outcomes or stuff nobody would like to be reminded of.

so when you come to him to seek comfort after a horrible night, he's ready to welcome you into his embrace.

the gentle whisper of zhongli's name alerts him of your presence from the hallway in your shared home. the archon lifts his head to look at you, eyes made of molten gold meeting your shaking gaze. "what's wrong, dear?" you don't answer his question and instead shift your gaze to the ground.

zhongli tells you to "come here" in the gentlest voice he could muster, and you do. as soon as you sit beside your lover, his hand comfortingly holds your jaw and lifts your face so you can see him. there's nothing but endearment and love in his gaze. "you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

he hums in amusement seeing the way your body relaxes after that. there's a gentle tug on your arm, a signal for you to find comfort in zhongli's embrace, and you find yourself snug in between the archon's arms. you inhale deeply, zhongli's comforting scent filling your lungs.

his hands rake gently up and down your spine and hearing his heartbeat from where you rest on his chest calms you immensely. if it weren't for your nervous, rhythmic tapping against his arm, zhongli would have assumed you fell back asleep in his arms.

"would you like to hear about the play i've been attending to recently? the plot is quite interesting, i think you would enjoy it." he attempts to distract you for a while to calm your nerves after waking so abruptly, and it works, not to his surprise.

as he drones on and on about the plot that doesn't quite make sense to you in your dazed state, the archon notices the way your fingers have stilled and your breathing has evened out, much calmer and more regulated than before. zhongli smiles, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head.

"it's starting to get late. you should try to rest again. don't worry, i'll be beside you should anything happen to you once more."

[capseycartwright]

"I am fed up with half-measures. I deserve better." (Got huge buddie and malex vibes from this one 👀)

ao3 link

The last thing Eddie expected to find at his door was Buck, of all people – not because Buck was an unusual fixture in his home; no, because Buck was supposed to be on a date.

Eddie had been trying his best for weeks now, to be the dutiful best friend, and support Buck’s relationship with Taylor – regardless of how much he wished Buck wasn’t dating anyone else – and it was hard. It was hard, and so Eddie was halfway through a tub of his favourite flavour of ice-cream (the excessively expensive one Buck had introduced him to, the one Eddie only bought when he knew Christopher wasn’t home). He’d also cracked open a bottle of wine Hen and Karen had given him as a thank you for babysitting Denny, one Saturday afternoon (he’d made a mental note to thank Karen – the woman had good taste in wine) and so Eddie was well settled in for an evening of feeling sorry for himself while Christopher was at a sleepover party.

Until – well, Buck decided to bang his door in.

Tucking his ice-cream into the crook of his arm, Eddie raised an eyebrow. “You have a key,” he reminded, looking a frazzled Buck up and down. He was clearly dressed for a date – wearing that blue striped shirt that made Eddie’s mouth water, a neat jacket over the top – but he was also clearly not on said date.

“I have had the worst day,” Buck declared dramatically, kicking his sneakers off in the hallway, brow furrowing as he noticed the bottle of wine on the table. “Do you have company?” he asked, clearly confused – Ana was long gone, to be fair, their relationship having ended weeks previously.

Eddie swallowed, glancing down at his very sad outfit of a pair of raggedy old sweatpants, and a grubby sweatshirt that had definitely seen better days – Eddie wasn’t a sentimental man, really, but Christopher always called it Eddie’s cuddliest sweatshirt, so Eddie didn’t have the heart to throw it out.

“No,” he reassured. “I don’t.”

“Wine, though?”

“Are you questioning my methods of self-care?” Eddie retorted. “I like wine, sue me.”

“All wine tastes the same,” Buck sighed, throwing himself on the couch, reaching for the bottle.

“You can have a glass,” Eddie intervened. “But I will kick you out of my house if you drink directly from that bottle, Buck. I’d like to pretend I have some level of class,” he sighed, padding into the kitchen and grabbing another wine glass – a set Abuela had bought him, when he’d moved to LA. “So,” he said, setting the glass down on the coffee table, pausing to take a scoop of his slowly melting ice-cream before he continued. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or are we going to play charades?”

Buck rolled his eyes, but took the wine glass, all the same, pouring himself a generous measure. He took a swig, before he spoke, raising an eyebrow. “Did you pick this out?” he questioned, no doubt thinking back to the evening where Eddie had been in charge of getting wine for their family dinner and had accidentally bought cooking wine. It was an easy mistake to have made, if you asked Eddie.

Eddie shook his head. “Present from Karen and Hen,” he clarified. “Stop deflecting.”

“I broke up with Taylor,” and oh, if Eddie hadn’t been waiting to hear those words for so long.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie tried, because he couldn’t look that happy about it, could he? It would give the game away – and in so many ways, Eddie was convinced his feelings were obvious, that he’d given the game away a long time ago, but Buck had never mentioned it.

“I’m not,” Buck looked furious, again. “I – we had this nice date planned, right? We made sure to pick a night where we were both off, where she doesn’t need to be in work early tomorrow, and I’m off, so we could get breakfast, too – really spend some time together,” he explained. “And I got to the restaurant and I waited, and I waited, and I waited for a fucking hour, Eddie, and nothing – no text, no call from her. I was sitting there, spiralling, wondering if she was – if she was dead, or something. Right? So, after an hour, I decided I was going to pass by the news station, and see what was happening, and do you know what she said?”

Eddie shook his head.

“That she’d told her intern to call me and cancel our date, because a story came up,” Buck practically spat. “I mean, is she serious? And like – I love that she has a career she loves, because she gets how I feel about being a firefighter, but she does this all the time and I just never feel like I’m even getting close to the top of her priority list. So, I – I asked her, if I was ever going to be something she prioritised over work, and she said no.”

Eddie winced. “She was honest, at least,” he tried.

“Totally,” Buck agreed. “And I appreciate the honesty – really – and it’s not like it ended on bad terms. We just didn’t want the same thing out of a relationship, and I’m not going to resent her for it. But – fuck, this is nice wine by the way – I am fed up with half-measures, Eddie,” he sighed, slumping back on the couch. “I deserve better.”

Eddie swallowed thickly. Buck did deserve better – and Eddie wasn’t going to sit here and pretend as though he was better, as though he knew he could be boyfriend of the year and give Buck everything he needed. But – Eddie loved him, and surely, surely that had to be enough? It had to be enough to love someone so much it felt like your love for them was etched into the very bones of who you were? Eddie so badly wanted to be enough.

“I wouldn’t,” Eddie said quietly, suddenly conscious of the melting ice-cream he was still gripping tightly. It had cost eleven dollars, he reminded – he should probably put it back in the freezer.

Buck looked at him, utterly confused. “What?”

“I wouldn’t love you in half-measures,” Eddie wasn’t sure where he was finding the bravery, to finally say it, to tell Buck how he felt, but somehow, somewhere, he’d found a bravery he wasn’t sure he’d ever had before. He had thought he’d be spending the rest of his life trundling along, desperately in love with a best friend who didn’t love him back. Eddie had accepted it, almost – because having Buck as a friend was better than not having Buck at all.

Buck’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes wide, and excited. “How would you love me, Eddie?” he asked, his voice soft, and trembling – the only giveaway that he felt as nervous as Eddie did, there and then, dangling on the precipice of something new, and wonderful.

“Forever,” Eddie said. “I’d love you forever, Buck.”

(And when Buck kissed him – he tasted like wine, and Eddie knew he tasted like wine, and Buck’s shirt was soft, under tentative fingertips as Eddie reached out to hold him the way he’d so desperately wanted to for so long, and –

Well, it felt like the beginning of forever.)

send me a prompt from this list

[letarasstuff]

Doesn't she love me anymore?

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you like it as much as I do!

Summary: Spencer's daughter starts to question why her mother left the small family early on

Warnings: Mentions/undertones of bullying, an absent parent and descreptions of the concequences for the child, So. Much. Angsty. Feelings.

Wordcount: 2.5k

✨Masterlist✨ _________________________________

“Daddy?” Spencer turns around from the frying pan to look at his daughter. Against common belief, he is quite the cook. But this only started when he became a father, after he realized a child won’t be able to live off of a diet consisting of coffee and anxiety, just like he did at the time. “Yes, Sweetheart?”

She looks down to the piece of paper on the kitchen counter in front of her. “Why did Mommy leave us?”

The spatula falls to the ground. It’s a question the father did not expect on a Tuesday morning before school. “It’s because of me, isn’t it? She saw me the first time and didn’t want me anymore. It’s my fault Mommy left us, left you, just like Linda said.” Tears begin to stream down her face.

“No no no”, her father is quick to turn off the heat and walks around the island to hug his daughter. “None of this is your fault. I don’t know what this Linda said, but it is not true. Your mother had her own reasons to stay out of our lives, but it has nothing to do with you.”

This doesn’t calm her down. “What are her reasons? Why did she leave us? Why did leave me?” Frantically she tries to keep her sobs down in order to speak. Spencer never has seen her this upset.

“Sweetheart, are you sure you are in the right state to talk about it now? Why don’t we calm down and get something for breakfast on our way to school and talk about it after I pick you up this afternoon?” He suggests, hoping the thought of a cup of hot chocolate from their favorite bakery would help her.

(Y/N) looks up at him with bloodshot and glassy eyes. Snot runs down from her nose. Spencer is quick to get her a tissue and make her blow into it, cringing internally about all those germs. “Do you promise to tell me more after school?” Big eyes look up at him and the father hurts. It hurts him, because there are so many things in her future that will break her and all that because of her mother. He can’t shield her from all of it, as much as he wants to he isn’t able. Because there always will be people, people like this Linda, who will make the girl conscious of her absent mother.

“I promise”, he tells her and holds his little finger out for her. (Y/N) smiles while linking hers with his, knowing her father will keep this promise just like any other of his. “Good, and now pack up we got a bakery to visit!” Quickly the girl grabs the piece of paper in front of her only to shove it into her backpack.

A little later she sits at her desk and looks at her teacher expectantly, just like her fellow classmates. “Ok children, today we won’t work further on our addition and subtraction worksheets-” The teacher’s sentence is cut short by the eruption of cheerful shouts. Just (Y/N) looks at the multiplication sheet in front of her.

The teacher is quick to quiet the class again. “Instead we will continue our work on the mother’s card you started doing yesterday. Linda was so kind to tell me that you don’t have the chance to finish them at home, because your moms are there. That is why you do it here and your worksheets at home.”

With a frown on her face (Y/N) pulls out the blank piece of paper that made her feel bad ever since her teacher handed it out to her yesterday. While everybody around her chatters happily with other classmates, she just stares at the paper. It is a reminder of something she doesn’t have, something she lacks and will never get: A real mother. A hug from her mother. Not even the motherly reassurance one gets after a nightmare. Nothing.

“Hey orphan. Ya realizing your mom doesn’t love you and that’s why she left you?” Linda, someone (Y/N) later learns to call a Mean Girl, struts up to the younger one’s desk. A sigh leaves her lips before answering. “You do know for an orphan I need to have neither a mommy nor a daddy. And I do for a fact have a dad, a loving one actually.”

A more light than hard slap on the back of her head makes the girl’s body jolt. “I don’t care, but I know that your mom hates you enough just after looking at you to know she doesn’t want anything to do with you.” After that Linda goes back to her table, leaving (Y/N) feeling more miserable than before.

Some starring on the paper later her teacher passes her table. “Is there something you want to talk about, Sweetheart? You seem very sad.” That is an obvious fact. Finally the girl is able to lift her gaze. “Miss Ramirez, I don’t know what to do.” This is probably the first time ever she said this sentence in school.

“Mother’s day is in a few days, Sweetie, and this is why we all make these cards. It’s a thank you to your mom and a way to show her how much you love her. You love your mom, don’t you?” The shake of her head shocks the teacher. Immediately an alarming signal rings through her head, because this is a red flag. “Why? Did she do something?”

“Miss Ramirez, I don’t have a mommy. She- she left Daddy and me.” Tears fill (Y/N)’s eyes. Her teacher is quick to hug and sush her. “Oh Sweetie, this is not a bad thing. I’m sure your mom loves you very much, even if she is not there with you. Do you wanna go out for a bit to calm down?” Meanwhile she connects the obvious signs of a single dad in her mind. Missed parent teacher conferences, unnecessary hovering over the child and the tendency to be categorized as a helicopter parent. Yes, Dr. Reid ticks all of those boxes.

It’s the second time of the day that an adult asked (Y/N) to calm down, and frankly it doesn’t really help with the situation at hand. “Can I do my homework outside? It’s too loud in here”, she asks between sniffles. Both of them know that the class’ volume is not the real reason for the request. “Of course, Sweetheart. If you need something, just come in and ask me. Alright?” (Y/N) nods and gets her multiplication sheet and a pencil before leaving the classroom.

At the end of the school day, Spencer is there to pick up his daughter. For days like these, where are no cases, Hotch gave him a free pass on (Y/N)’s very first day at school to leave the office earlier to be able to pick her up himself. As a father and someone who works the same high demanding job as him, he knows that little things like these are often the most important. And even if there were a case today, Spencer would have stayed back. He promised his daughter the truth and this is what he is going to tell her.

“Hey Dr. Reid. Do you have a moment?” Her teacher greets him at the classroom door. Concerned about his child’s wellbeing he nods and follows her back out of the room. “I gave the children the assignment of creating a card for their mothers, because mother’s day is rolling around. Today (Y/N) told me her mother left you, is that right?” This is the moment Spencer connects the dots. This is the kick off that made her question her mother’s motives about leaving all of the sudden.

The young doctor clears his throat. “Uhm yes, that is right. Actually, I’m going to talk to her about it right after school on her demand.” Miss Ramirez nods with an understanding nod. “Thank you for your honesty, Dr. Reid. I also want to warn you, in two days we will hold a celebration in honor of mother’s day with the kids’ mothers. You are invited as a father, because this is a special situation. But I also give (Y/N) a free pass for this event. It can be very traumatic for her.”

The dad thanks her, but his thoughts are somewhere else. He is mad. He is mad for his daughter, because she will always be the one with a “special situation”. The odd one, because yeah, it isn’t uncommon for fathers to leave (which isn’t anything less sad and traumatic), but an absent mother hits differently.

But Spencer is also hurt. Hurt, because for her young age, there is already the word “traumatic” thrown around. No, it isn’t enough that her dad works a job with the risk of him not coming home from a case again, or being the target of an enemy. No, she also has to go through the experience of missing a parent, never knowing how her life would be if it wasn’t for someone like her mother.

Even with Spencer trying to fill that role, there will be a time where (Y/N) will ask herself all of the “what ifs”. He can’t stop it from happening, and that is his biggest pain right there. Because he can’t shield her from her own thoughts. At the age of six she already is a bright, brilliant and talented mind. Now in a few years or maybe just months, she will start to think about her mother being the root of her pain, bad experiences and hurt. Her thoughts will lead to a downward spiral of how a person can do something like her mother, who acted like that with the knowledge of which consequences will follow. And Spencer can’t stop this from happening.

“Daddy!” A small thud comes from (Y/N) colliding with his leg. Just by the way she squeezes it he knows that she hasn’t had a good day at school. “Hey Baby. Do you want to go to the office for a bit? I think your Auntie Penelope told me something about a new science set she got for you. Or do you want to go straight home?” Spencer asks after lifting her into his arms. Immediately she hides her face into the crook of his neck. “Home”, she murmurs. Home it is then.

“Aaaaaand here comes the little missy’s hot chocolate!” The father says in a funny voice while carefully putting the cup into his daughter’s hands. She sits covered in a blanket on the sofa, looking expectantly at her father.

Spencer sighs at the lack of reaction. “Are you sure you want to hear it?” (Y/N) nods adamantly. “Ok, but I got to go a bit back for this story

“It was about eight years ago, I worked on a case with your Aunties and Uncles back then. I was the one who had to get the last round of coffee for the night at a small 24/7 diner. As I walked in I thought I died, because I was sure an angel stood right in front of me. Well not-” “Is that Mommy?!” (Y/N) cuts him off excitedly. Spencer smiles slightly. “You need to listen to the story!” The girl shifts in her seat. “Right, sorry.”

As I was saying: well in front, because she sat at the bar waiting for her order. I nervously ordered the coffees and had to begin three times, because I kept messing up, mesmerized by her sole atmosphere. As the waiter went to put the coffee pot on, the woman turned towards me and introduced herself. After that she asked me what I was doing late at night in a small town like that and we somehow forgot everything around us by just talking. After that we stayed in touch. Six months later we became a couple, she moved to DC in order for me to still be able to do my job here.

“Two years later your Mom got pregnant with you, and it was quite a surprise to us. But we felt ready at that time and so she moved in with me and we had you. The first few months were great, we couldn’t be happier. BUt then you continuously became ill. At first just a cold, then the pocks and so on. I think it was the third night in a row where you held us up all night. I took a year off from work to care for you with your Mom. I carried you through our apartment the whole night, giving you a bottle, singing, reading, doing anything.

“Then I saw her standing in the doorway. Even though there was baby vomit on her sweatpants and I had never seen her eye bags being this dark, she was the most beautiful woman to me. I approached her with a smile, but her frown only deepened. I thought it was because she worried about you and your health. Instead she told me she can’t do it. She can’t be a mother, that she wasn’t cut for this job.” Her exact words still resonate in Spencer’s ears to this day. He knows exactly what she said, word for word, and they never stopped to sting any less.

“So Mommy left us because I was too much trouble?” (Y/N)’s voice sounds even sadder than before. “No, it never was because of you. She knew exactly what it meant to have a child. Your mother knew what kind of work it takes and what the future brought. You have absolutely nothing to do with it. Some people are just not made to be parents and it’s better when they realize it themselves and leave the situation.”

(Y/N) nods, her mind running wild. All of that makes plenty of sense but at the same time not. “Sweetheart, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I will never leave you. You are my everything and I’m so happy to be a dad to such a wonderful little girl like you. I want you to remember that your Mom may not be here with us, but she still loves you. And I’m here for you, for anything you need, want or don’t want. Do you understand me?”

She nods again and curls up into her father’s lap. “Can we watch something?” She asks after a bit of silence, where both of them indulged their own thoughts. Quickly the TV turned on and some kids movie plays. The rest of the day the small family spends all the time cuddled on the couch, because at the moment they need to feel the other there with them.

The next two days Spencer calls (Y/N) in sick at school and himself at work, because together they fly to Vegas. Just because her own mother wasn’t ready for the job, doesn’t mean they can’t appreciate the work her grandmother did as a mother. That and you never know how much time you have left with the people who are dear to you.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187 @kneelforloki

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

Spencer Reid x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm