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tightjeansjavi · 8 months

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The Rite of Movement | part two

“first impressions”

part one | honeymoonin’

A/N: well, well, well, fancy that we’re all meeting up here, huh? 🥵 first, I just wanted to give a big thank you to @itsokbbygrl who has been feeding my brain rot all day. I appreciate you so so much and your input is extremely helpful 🥺 I do not have a lot of knowledge on the adult film industry, but I’m eager to dive into it with y’all. We all have our different preferences and tastes when it comes to porn, (if you choose to watch it) but for me personally, I’m into porn that is catered to women. And guess who else is? Joel fuckin’ Miller! I hope these impromptu drabbles give you all the warm, fuzzy, and hornknee feelings. In this household, we support sex workers 💗 we also support healthy communication during sex, safe sex, and sexual liberation for everyone. Thank u also to @strang3lov3 for the title 🤍

~word count: 5.0k~

Summary: it’s your first time meeting Joel Miller, your new adult film partner

Pairing | pornstar!joel miller x pornstar f!reader (and a sprinkle of pornstar!tommy miller. More to come in later chapters!)

Warnings: 30s reader/40s joel, general discussions of the porn industry, brief discussions of workplace trauma, mild swearing, kissing, slightly inappropriate workplace relationship, boss/employee power dynamic but it’s only lightly explored in this chapter, voyeurism, light smut, f!masturbation, reader has no physical descriptions, mentions of cigarettes and alcohol consumption, +18, minors dni! Let me know if I missed anything!

When you moved back to Austin Texas looking for a fresh start after a rather rocky experience doing unsatisfying pornos as a regular on screen talent for the mega studio, Brazzers, you never expected to rejoin the industry through a professional studio. After being fired, you settled on making solo amateur films in an attempt to pay your bills and make ends meet. The only problem was rent in LA was nowhere near affordable, and the pay was significantly less than you’d been bringing in from the studio. That’s when you made the decision to leave the state of California entirely, looking eastward towards a once-familiar home.

Your roots were in rural Texas, and although your parents ultimately disowned you for joining the adult film industry, you still had a support group of fellow transplants in Austin that had missed you terribly.

The porn industry was always evolving, but with these changes came an influx of new content. You had a decent following for a small time account, but without the promotion budget that came with films produced at larger studios, your homemade solo films were inevitably pushed to the bottom of the pecking order, making it difficult to expand your audience. You thought about quitting entirely and getting an everyday job as a receptionist at some corporate office, until one night you stumbled upon a channel account that was based in Austin. “Miller-Co, Real people, real sex, professionally produced for your pleasure.” Surrounded by unpacked moving boxes on your single, sad, sofa, you poured yourself a tall glass of wine and clicked on the first video that appeared on the channel’s page, its male lead catching your eye immediately and you clicked the video details to find his name.

Joel Miller was big in every possible sense. From his hands, to his biceps, to his strong thighs. His cock was stunning. It wasn’t the longest cock you had ever seen, but it was deliciously thick, a girth that had you salivating immediately. Not only was it big, but the more you watched, the more you learned he sure knew how to use it. Despite Joel’s brooding nature, his attentive care to his partners on screen was something you had never seen before. He was a talker, a praiser and it seemed he only did scenes in positions where he could see his partners face while they came. The studio lighting was softer, inviting, and very, very intimate.

You clicked through more videos. Joel’s apparent brother, Tommy Miller, was also a big talker, but he reminded you more of a sweet frat boy with some serious golden retriever energy. In simple terms, Tommy liked to pound it. His style seemed more physically intense and fun, lighthearted even. He could do more sensual, intimacy based scenes, but that was more Joel’s forte, you gleaned as you continued to consume their content. Tommy’s cock had an inch or so on his brother, but his cock wasn’t as thick. What it lacked it girth it made up for with how it was curved, and you could only imagine how easy it would be for him to hit that spot inside of you that sent you keening.

The more you watched these two brothers in their element, the damper your flimsy panties grew. It had been so long since you had gotten off while watching porn that you weren’t even sure if you could have a successful orgasm from it. Boy, were you wrong.

Your clit was soon overstimulated and pulsing beneath the soft silicon of your vibrator. You tossed the toy to the side and paused the video while you caught your breath for a few minutes, coming down from your high. A sense of post-orgasmic clarity settled in your mind and something was telling you that working for this channel’s studio might end up being your calling. A wonderful, horny twist of fate. Your ticket back into the industry that had left you both emotionally and physically bruised.

You couldn’t help the gleeful giggle that slipped past your lips the further you scrolled down the channel’s main page, looking for information on Miller-Co’s parent studio, and discovered a link at the bottom: Auditions.

You scrambled to update your resumé, and threw together a portfolio of your past work and clicked on the link. You submitted your application and downed the rest of your wine before closing the screen to your laptop with a decompressing sigh.

No one could say that you didn’t try.

On the other side of town Joel Miller was just closing up the studio for the evening to meet Tommy at their usual watering hole for a drink. His phone buzzed, notifying him that he had a new email and while he walked to his truck, he opened the email.

He had been recently looking for a new film partner outside of his current talent pool. Things were going well at his and Tommy’s boutique adult film studio, they were starting to see growth, and that meant making sure there was regularly fresh content for their growing audience.

Despite receiving 100s of applicants a day from his online posting on his studio’s PornHub channel, none of them were quite what Joel was looking for..until he opened up your application. Joel got a sudden overwhelming feeling in his chest that you were exactly the type of on-screen partner he was looking for. He exited out of the email and sent a quick text to Tommy. Hey, I'm gonna be a few minutes late. Got an applicant that I think will be perfect.

After sending the text to his brother, he opened the email once more. Your resumé was brief, and a noticeable frown crossed over his face when he saw that you were ex-Brazzers. When Joel was 18 and fresh to the industry, he worked for Brazzers. Being so green, he hadn’t known what exactly to expect, so he suffered through in the name of independence and regular pay, but he had hated it, and especially hated the way it made him feel. The culture there had led him to never wanting to partake in making that type of porn again. There was no emphasis on the comfort of his female partners, little to no communication between the actors, and Joel ultimately was uncomfortable with following through with the things he was requested to do. Half the time it didn’t even feel good. And what the hell is the point of making porn if both participants aren’t having fun and feeling pleasure?

For this reason, he felt wrong viewing the content that you had made with Brazzers. Given his prior experience, he could only imagine what you had gone through, and he didn’t want to see you that way. His business was solely based around respect, consent, and comfort as a top priority.

He opted to view your solo amateur content instead. You were a natural, and he knew that he could easily make you a star, if that’s what you truly wanted. Joel knew that mixing pleasure with business, in this industry in particular, could end up messy, but he never felt so physically and emotionally attracted to another human being till now.

His fingers worked fast on the screen as he responded to the email.

Hello,

It’s after working hours for me, but I just went over your application. You’re a natural, and I would be extremely interested in meeting for an official audition. Here is the address to the studio, and my personal work number.

I am off tomorrow, but if you are interested, I can go ahead and schedule a meeting for noon?

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Joel Miller.

He receives an email response from you five minutes later just when he starts the engine of his truck.

Hello Joel,

I would absolutely be interested in coming in for an official audition tomorrow. Noon works for me as well.

See you then!

He lets out a sigh of relief at your response and despite his goal to remain professional, he can’t help the flush that rises to his cheeks at the thought of filming with you. He sends a calendar invite to your email address with the meeting time of noon tomorrow. He tosses his phone into the cup holder and finally drives to the bar.

“She’s ex-Brazzers. Moved all the way from LA just like you and me.” Joel discusses with Tommy over a beer. He takes a sip from the rim and slides his phone across the table to the opposite end of the booth where Tommy is sitting.

“And she’s only been doing solo amateur content as of late?”

“Yeah, she’s only got a few videos up, but it sounds like she’s ready to dip her toe back into the industry. She’s a natural, Tommy. Real captivatin’ on camera.”

Tommy glances down at your application and lightly taps out a bit of ash from his cigarette in the ashtray resting near his elbow. “That so? Well, guess I’m just gonna have to see for myself jus’ how captivatin’ she is.” He looked over at his brother with a knowing grin and pulled out his earbuds from his jacket pocket and slipped them in.

Joel intently observes his brother watching one of your solo films and when he sees Tommy reach down to adjust himself, he couldn’t help but grin.

Tommy’s cheeks have a bright flush to them as he hits pause on the video, taking out one of the earbuds and makes direct eye contact with his brother. “Holy fuck, she’s gorgeous. Those eyes? Brother, I feel like I was being sucked into the screen! God, and her little whimpers? The way they kept gettin’ higher and higher—” Tommy said animatedly.

Joel feels a twinge of jealousy zip up his spine like he was shocked. Tommy’s never been shy, and neither has Joel, but he’s already feeling protective over you and he hasn’t even met you yet. “Yeah, she is a thing of beauty, ain’t she? I don’t know what it is about her, but I love her energy.” Joel comments thoughtfully.

Tommy, being the horndog that he is, can't help but look back down at the screen and the part where the video has paused. Your thighs are spread wide, fingers playing with your clit, teasing yourself while making occasional direct eye contact with the camera. “And god, that pussy? Y’ever see somethin’ so pretty? Bet she tastes like fuckin’ honey.” Tommy drawls.

“Tommy.” Joel snaps his fingers in front of his face in a quick motion. “Don’t go gettin’ too excited now. I’m the one meetin’ with her.” Joel gently reminds him.

“Well, I can see why ya like her so much already, Joel.” He winks and slides the phone back in his direction. “Don’t go gettin’ your panties in a twist. I think just based on this single video, she’s gonna be a good fit. On a serious note, I hope that Brazzers didn’t fuck her up too much.” He reaches for his beer and takes a sip.

“It’s her energy man, it’s infectious. She seems so gentle, soft, but you can tell that she knows exactly what she wants just by looking into her eyes alone.” Joel said rather dreamily.

“Y’gonna give ‘er the ole Joel Miller razzle dazzle then?” Tommy wiggled his eyebrows playfully with a chuckle.

Joel rolled his eyes and flipped him off before taking another sip of his beer. “All depends on her comfort level during our first interaction. I want her to know that she gets to call all the shots.”

Tommy tips his beer towards Joel in a mock salute. “And yet they say chivalry is dead.”

At first you wonder if Miller-Co is just another too good to be true scam and Joel had played you, providing you with the wrong address on purpose. Maybe this was a sign for you to never try studio work in the adult film industry again. You were standing outside of a hardware store, triple checking the address while simultaneously looking up at the sign: Miller-Co

Joel is sitting behind his desk when he sees you teetering around outside. He checks the time on his watch—quarter to noon—and smiles. He’s a punctual person himself and always had this philosophy of showing up earlier than planned out of respect for everyone’s valuable time.

He gets up from his desk and walks towards the door just as you’re turning on your heel to walk away.

The door swings open behind you with a sweet chime, and then you hear the raspy timbre of his voice, his smooth southern accent that already has you feeling weak in the knees.

“Are you my 12 o’clock?” He grins a boyish grin that oozes a level of natural confidence and charm that men dream of possessing.

“Oh.” You laugh and fiddle with the strap on your purse. “I totally thought I had the wrong place for a second there.”

“Sorry ‘bout the confusion, darlin.’ Folks ‘round these parts can be…sensitive to what we’re doing here. Gotta be sure they ain’t have a clue what they’re walkin’ by, be discreet, y’know?” He holds the door open with his shoulder effortlessly, and you get a good look at his handsome features. Joel Miller is tall, well-groomed, and there’s something immediately comforting about him. You can’t quite put your finger on what that thing is, but it might have to do with the selfless energy that radiates from the depths of his soft, espresso colored eyes. Or maybe it’s the endearing heart-shaped patches in his gray speckled beard.

“Oh, thank god!” You laugh again, hoping he didn’t notice your staring, and he chuckles. Something flickers in your eyes that Joel registers as unabashed curiosity. He clocks the slight hitch of your breath, your pupils dilating.

“I take it you’re probably used to dingy warehouses, unkempt garages, and the occasional sketchy office building?” Joel quips. He slips one of his hands into the faded pocket of his denim jeans.

“Yeah, how did you know?” You retort with false sarcasm and a small smile.

He shrugs his shoulders. “Lucky guess?”

“Well, you didn’t not hit the nail on the head, Mr. Miller.”

You swear you see him blush, the tops of his cheeks turning a flushed pink color. “Oh, please, call me Joel, darlin’. Mr. Miller makes me feel so..old.” He laughs and subtly gestures to the open door. “And hope ya don’t mind me sayin’ this, but ain’t you jus’ the sweetest n’ prettiest thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of layin’ my eyes on.” He winks. “Shall we?”

“Oh, please, you aren’t old at all, Joel,” you brush away his self deprecation as his compliment leaves you feeling flustered, the heat beginning to rise to your cheeks. “So, your videos weren’t lying then? You really are a sweet talker?” You flirt back.

“Some days I feel like I am, got a bad back and ‘a that. And, oh, I am quite the sweet talker, darlin’.” He holds the door open for you as you slip past him, brushing up against the rough denim of his jeans due to his sheer mass taking up most of the entryway.

Your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach when your eyes zone in on an all-to familiar black leather couch pressed up against the side of the wall. He notices your immediate discomfort and hesitation and clears his throat alongside you. “We uh—don’t film anythin’ on that, darlin’. It’s there more as a joke than anythin’.”

He sees you visibly let out a sigh of relief as your shoulders relax. You don’t see his face, but his lips are set in a deep frown and he genuinely feels bad. “There’s no leather couches or bright, headache inducin’ lights where I film, darlin’,” he adds softly and steps around you to pull back the chair at his desk.

You’re not even sure what to think or say as he pulls the chair back and you quietly sit down and watch as he sits across from you. “Hey, before we get into talkin’ business, I’m aware that you worked for Brazzers at one point, saw it on the application you submitted, and I jus’ wanted to let you know that me sayin’ ‘lucky guess’ back there was to ease your nerves. I understand what it’s like coming from that world, could tell that you were feelin’ a bit apprehensive, and I didn’t wanna jump right on into discussing your portfolio out in the open, y’know?” He held steady eye contact with you which was something that you normally would be intimidated by, but Joel wasn’t trying to make you feel small, his concern was genuine.

“It’s just been awhile for me since working there, but I appreciate you trying to ease the tension, Joel. I swear I’m not always this jumpy,” you add softly and he smiles.

“S’alright. I understand. I jus’ wanna start off by sayin’ that I want you to be comfortable, darlin’. That’s our first priority. We can film in the studio if you want. Now, personally, I never film here. All feels a bit too sterile for me; got a set up at home to film there. Feels more natural, but if you would rather be here, we can make that work.” He clicks a few buttons on the desktop mouse and pulls up your application so he has it to directly reference.

“Your first priority is that you want me to be comfortable?” The question tumbles past your lips and your pupils are blown wide. In past jobs your comfort was always pushed to the very bottom. It was viewed as insignificant and something that you were told you’d just have to suck up and get over. There was always a limited budget, which meant limited time, which meant little care given to anything other than hard and fast, turn and burn shoot days. And the studio executives cared about little except increasing profits year over year, so time and time again, you’d endured a lack of connection with your scene partners and set crew alike, never more than a quick direction thrown your way. No, comfortable was a far cry from what you were used to.

He’s not taken aback by your response at all. It’s something that he’s all-too familiar with, unfortunately. “Of course, darlin’. That’s the key to makin’ good porn, ain’t it? Both parties gotta be comfortable, otherwise the audience won’t feel connected to what they’re viewin’. All sex sells, but intimacy sells more.”

“I’m just not used to this kind of treatment, Joel. I honestly didn’t even believe that it existed in the adult film industry. The whole notion of comfort above all is just…new for me.”

“I know it is, darlin’,” Joel takes a breath before continuing, “I’m ex-Brazzers, too. Started there when I was 18, and left on my 30th birthday.” This was a piece of Joel’s past that was especially private, it came with baggage he still wasn’t entirely ready to unpack, and yet sharing this with you felt comforting for him.

“Oh my god, did they fire you too?” You lean forward in your chair feeling shocked that someone else in the industry shared the same awful experience as you did.

Joel’s heart shatters when he learns that you were fired. It makes him angry for you and the other women in the industry that were often released from their contracts for frivolous reasons. How could they let someone like you go? You have all the potential in the world with real, raw, talent, and on top of that, you were an absolute knockout. Those motherfuckers had a goldmine with you, and yet they couldn’t see what Joel sees.

“No, darlin’,” he frowns, “they didn’t. My brother and I made the decision to quit on our own. We stayed in LA for awhile with some old costars and made some amateur films before we moved back home to Austin, and started our own studio. I’ve strived to make porn that is catered to women. It’s a market that’s been largely untapped, and I’m lookin’ to shift the industry by showing how profitable it is,” he explains honestly. “And folks deserve to see real sex full of connection and intimacy and even sometimes some bloopers,” he chuckles. “It’s something that I’m incredibly passionate about, and that’s why it’s my utmost priority to make sure that you are respected and feel comfortable.”

You shrink in on yourself when the wave of sudden emotions hit and you don’t even realize your crying till Joel is getting up in a haste with a few tissues in his hand. His eyes are laced with concern as he crouches in front of you. “Hey, I’m sorry, darlin’. Didn’t mean t’make ya cry. I jus’—know how harmful the industry can be, and ‘m tryin’ to build a safe space within it.”

Fat tears begin to roll down your cheeks as you try to laugh through the tears. You feel pathetic for breaking down in front of this man who you have only just met. He must think you’re a lost cause in the industry if you can’t even hold yourself together for more than five minutes. You sniffle as he gently brings the tissue upwards towards your face and gently brushes away your tears. “I’m sorry, Joel. I don’t mean to turn into this blubbering fuckin’ mess.”

“Hey, ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, darlin’,” he coos. “Maybe we wanna get outta here for some fresh air? If you’d like? Know a nice quiet coffee shop jus’ down the street. How do you feel about that?”

You look at him through wet lashes and parted lips when you slowly nod. “Uh—yeah. That would..be great. I’m just not exactly comfortable in this environment,” you murmur.

“I understand. No hard feelin’s taken or anythin’. Would you like some help gettin’ up?” He offers you his freehand.

“You’re not..upset?” You question softly and grasp his hand in your palm as he gently helps you up from the chair. His palm is warm against yours and massive in size.

“Upset? No, not at all. I meant it when I said that your comfort is a priority, darlin.’” He affirms.

After you’ve composed yourself a bit, you let Joel lead the way to the quiet coffee shop down the street. He holds the door open for you and lets you pick a secluded table in the back. When you offer to pay for the coffees, he interjects with a small grin and shakes his head. “S’on me, darlin’. G’on now and make yourself comfy,” he nudges you gently towards the table.

It’s a depressing thought to have, but you think about how no man has ever treated you with the kindness and respect that Joel Miller has thus far. It’s the bare minimum, but you appreciate him for it deeply.

He returns with two lattes and places them on the table before taking a seat across from you. “Y’jus’ let me know when and if you wanna continue the conversation, alright? There’s no rush. I ain’t got anywhere else to be.”

You grasp the mug between your palms and let the warm steam wafting from the mug kiss your skin as you look over at him. “Well, I figured it would be okay with me to share with you a list of things I’m not comfortable with?” You lean over the side of the chair and reach into your purse to pull out a folded up piece of paper that you drafted up after submitting the application last night.

He nods and takes a sip of his latte. “Of course that’s okay for you to do. I’ve got a form for you to sign back at the studio that includes a section disclosing your limitations and your personal comforts. We like to keep it on file so we can prepare everyone before shoot day, that way there ain’t any accidental crossed boundaries.” He reaches across the table and gently takes the paper from you.

Despite everything Joel has told you thus far, you’re afraid that he’ll end up being judgemental based on your list. It’s pretty much everything that mainstream porn runs on: bondage, punishment, gang bangs, overstimulation, and anal to name a few. You’re already thinking of getting up from the table, and protecting what’s left of your ego when he sets the paper down, reaches for your hand, gently picks it up and kisses the back of it while looking into your eyes. “This is it? We can absolutely work with this, darlin’. Don’t you worry none,” he reassures you.

His lips against your skin are like two plush pillows. Soft, silky and it’s hard to not imagine what those lips would feel like pressed against either of your own. You expected shame, and instead were greeted with the complete opposite. He validated you, and that alone was making your head spin like a ferris wheel.

“I know you ain’t have any pleasant experiences in the industry, and that’s a damn shame. But I can promise you that you won’t have to worry about none of that with me. Okay, darlin’? Sweet girl, I’m gonna be honest with ya because that’s jus’ the kind of man I am. Y’got some serious talent that I think has been severely overlooked. I can make you into a real star if that’s what you want. I’m simply jus’ actin’ as a guideway for ya. And between you and me? I love my job, and I hope that maybe I’ll be able to turn those bad experiences you had into somethin’ good.”

Your eyes focus on his lips and their movement with each word that flows past them. Neither of you realize how close you’re leaning over the table till you can practically taste the hazelnut latte lingering on his tongue.

“Joel, I swear I heard every word you just said, and please tell me if I’m being unprofessional given the circumstances, but I really want to kiss you right now,” you breathe.

His brow raises and a dimple pokes through his cheek as a grin tugs across the corner of his lips. He chuckles softly, “Well, lucky for you, it’s totally appropriate given the circumstances. Jus’ one of the many perks of bein’ in this industry, darlin’. Unbridled desire is personally one of my favorite things.” He leans in closer, his tone dropping down to an octave that made you tingle with desire, and admits quietly, just for you, “If we weren’t here in this coffee shop right now, I’d show you just how unbridled my desire can be.”

You gripped the edge of the table for dear life. It took everything in you to not rip that man’s clothes off right then and there. That part of you that had laid so dormant was crackling to life again, and he could see those emotions swirling in your eyes. “Maybe we should get those papers signed so that you can show me if you’re really just all talk?” Your brow quirked upwards, mouth lifting into a flirtatious smirk just as his nose brushed against your own.

“Think you’ve seen enough to me to know that I ain’t bluffin’, darlin’.” His hot breath fans your lips as you reach across the table and rest a hand on his shoulder, the other steadying your balance on the table. Joel lifts his hand to your face and gently guides you by your chin. His lips brush yours, testing the waters while your tongue swipes confidently at his lower lip. He surges forward, hand moving from your chin to cup your face where your jaw meets your neck and deepens the kiss. You unconsciously let a soft moan loose, lost in the feeling, and Joel feels his cock come to life at the sound. It’s a good thing the barista behind the counter is too busy watching a YouTube video to see you and Joel practically gorging on each other's faces.

You can feel him smiling against your mouth before he leaves you with a final press of his lips and pulls back, sitting back in his chair, shit-eating grin plastered on his face as he brings his thumb up to the corner of his lips and wipes away a stray strand of saliva. “Think I’m gonna get a little somethin’ to eat. Y’want anythin’?” He rasps and reaches for his wallet in his pocket.

“Yeah.” You grin and rest your chin in your palms. “Something..sweet.”

A flush rises to his cheeks as he stands up from the chair and discreetly adjusts himself in his jeans and you giggle at the sight. You’d think it was his first rodeo by how quickly he had grown hard from just kissing you. Then again, Joel did say that he loved his job. And if he treated the less significant parts of his job like that, you were more than looking forward to seeing, feeling, him do the other parts of his job he loved, too.

You sat in that coffee shop for hours getting to know one another. It felt like no time had gone by at all, and it was obvious that you both were feeling that spark of an immediate connection blossoming. There was no denial that you and Joel were physically attracted to one another, but you had no idea what doors were now opened because of this first meeting. The chemistry was palpable, electricity ricocheting off the walls, and that unspoken language between one another was apparent.

“Hey, Joel? I think I’m ready to sign those forms now,” you spoke, wading through the building sexual tension.

“Perfect.” He grins. “Let’s go n’get ‘em signed.” He pats your thigh gently.

Once you’re back in the studio, Joel goes over every section of the documents and answers every single one of your questions with direct thoughtfulness and professionalism. You can hear your pulse beating in your ears when you sign the last page, clenching your thighs to abate the need growing between your legs.

“Now, there’s no rush to filmin’ anythin’ right away, okay? We don’t gotta dive head first if you wanna go home and process all of this, I completely understand. But, if you’re interested, I can give you my address and we can—”

“How about you drive me to your place instead?” You coyly interjected with a grin.

banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤍

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dailyrecaps · 1 year

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That's why dividends are good - [a couple lunches out per month with your spendy co-workers who throw away their one-source-hard-earned dollars every day.] PAY YOURSELF FIRST, not the restaurant as you succumb to peer pressure.

*Realization 1. when raylyn wanted to check out a huge dragon/fairy chapter book... why don't you just imagine all your hopes reading in this book? What do you think happens? What all would you want to happen? What do you need to read the book for? Skip it. Write your own. Nonetheless, I let her get it.

2. Same. *Brain click. I observed myself outside myself again. Why am I reading this business book like I'm seeking some kind of authority? As if this contains all the answers I'm in need of. Then what? I go to the next book and the next, looking for more authority - someone to tell me its okay, to tell me how. I'm not looking for a book to vibe with, I'm not in need of authority. Write my own, be my own authority. Get help, discover for myself, like literally all the greats did. There wasn't this much knowledge back then. I need guts. Fail or fly. I need W.B. sense. I need structure and to lay out my long-term/overall plan. I need belief in that plan. To begin. It's going to work no matter what, I'll make it.

**+ the day I spent all day searching retail on the internet as if I was at a job, my life out of my control, trying to entertain/distract myself from the fact, like everyone else... no no no more. I'm an entrepreneur; remember, I didn't want to have time for that.

It takes one decision/one desire, then refusal thereafter to happily ever after.

I've made the most of the past 4 days since the start of his new job. I love it. Love how I now get to be/feel "cool mom," spend all day with them, whether it's school or anything else. Having the vehicle all the time helps. No more fucked over. No more helpless feeling of not able to do better when it all starts blending to nowhere. Able to be more responsible. Makes me want to run errands and make dinner.

Imagine, Brittany at home while he's at work in a crush state, on dates where he can squeeze them in on lunch breaks or on days off when they're away, spending it all up- time/money as he pleases in the moment, coming home to her, playing the game, she's easy just buy sugar, faking to stay lovable/delay any of her suspicion, to maintain sex and a home with the kids, bc it's the best of both worlds... [I'm dumb]. Imagine what Brittany is doing with her 8 hours of complete uninterrupted/self-guided freedom, that he never asks her about, and would she honestly tell? Other ppl's realizations and questions: what does she do all day? Investing/homeschooling, what do you mean? How's that going? How much does she contribute? Telling him, you're dumb. His suspicion - what if she's faking her jealousy? If everything about work/etc is truly unappealing to her? Should that make me lose belief in what I'm doing, where I've gotten/ led myself, where I was going to go? Don't for a second think that he has it better; remember. Never give this up. Protect/enhance it, work to keep it.

Here's what I did today. But I'll never talk about my genius-masterminding strategy learned. Only I can make me happy.

Learned how to breathe from guy sprinting past me :) Enough oxygen funneled through and pushed out quickly to regain more faster = energy flow. And the principles translate from one field to another. Didn't grasp it here, then won't do it there.

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whirlybirbs · 3 years

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( another gif by @unearthlydust from this beautiful set ! )

✪ — VACANT MIRRORS ; B.B. | 3/?

summary: you find out about bucky’s past, he finds out about yours.

pairing: bucky barnes / f!reader

tags: set before & during tfatws, friends to lovers, therapy positive, trauma healing techniques, ptsd mentions, the normalization of anxiety disorders, and a good ol’ slow burn

word count: 6.4k, va va voom

a/n: oh look out here comes the plot, charactization, and growth between to pals who are maybe starting to feel a little something begin to take shape. but ignore that, there’s danger afoot. no spoilers for tfatws here!

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“You know I have to ask these questions. It’s part of the check-in.”

“Yeah,” you fire back, flat enough to warrant Dr. Hart’s scowl to grow. You can’t see it over the phone, but you know the way her words whip around you means she’s upset, “I know.”

“If you’re not following the action plan set out by the judge,” she begins, leaning forward as her tone drops into a scalding hot sort of seriousness on the other end, “You will go to prison. You know this. So, do you want to spend ten years of your life behind bars? Are you trying to get yourself locked up? Come on.”

You can’t look up from your computer’s screen. Or maybe you can, but right now, there’s a dangerous mixture of anger and guilt and frustration boiling under your skin.

“I’m trying.”

“Trying isn’t good enough for the GRC,” Dr. Hart snaps, “You know this. They’re giving you a chance — they know you’re talented. You have the ability here to go straight, to earn a living, to finally make up for those years of blackhat work.”

“Everything I did,” you fire back, ripping your eyes up to meet Dr. Hart’s, “Was for others. I didn’t get a fucking penny.”

“You’re not Robin Hood,” she shakes her head as her tone softens, “We all make mistakes. But, everything has a consequence. You know this. And this conversation isn’t even considering the other charges.”

“You know the extortion case would never hold up in court.”

Dr. Hart sighs raggedly. “And I don’t intend on ever seeing it play out in court, because you’re going to follow the conditions of your pardon.”

“The GRC is a bunch of fascists—”

“Enough,” she snaps, “If you want to go and appeal your case with the judge, be my guest, but I can almost guarantee you’ll be perp-walked out of that Federal courtroom in cuffs.”

She’s right.

Dr. Hart is right.

Your knee is bouncing, up and down and up and down. You’re wound up around yourself, arms crossed tight, brows knotted. With a shaky exhale, you just nod. You breathe, and you remind yourself that she’s right. She’s right, she’s right, she’s right. It’s not worth it. Dipping yourself back into that world, the layer of the web beneath the surface, isn’t worth it.

The GRC is your way out.

Just be a good little girl and do as you're told.

“So, I’m going to ask you again,” Dr. Hart begins, pen clicking alive on the other end of the phone call, “...Have you engaged in any illegal activities online in the last seven days?”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Inessa Sidrova’s photo stares up at him from its place on the speckled marble counter, stacked neatly next to his notebook where her name is scrawled in chicken scratch — between two other names: Zemo and Henrikson.

His laptop, technically on loan from the FBI, sits beside both.

(When Barnes had agreed in that closed doors meeting to the conditions of his pardon, a certain FBI agent by the name of Jimmy Woo had been rather insistent that Barnes needed a personal computer in order to carry out his portion of the conditions insofar as tracking down the remaining HYDRA pawns in the States. Woo had also insisted, to the agreement of Dr. Raynor, that a personal computer would help better acclimate Barnes to the new world he’d been dropped into.

Woo was even nice enough to take an hour of his own time to show Bucky enough to get started — but was whisked away for some investigation out in New Jersey.)

Bucky rubs the cold vibranium of his left palm into his eye, then exhales long and slow.

He’s done all he can. And still, no leads on the woman.

Rounding the kitchen island, he digs his cell from his pocket. He goes back to staring at that text — the one he’d laughed out loud at the moment it lit up his phone — and he can feel that ol’ bite of anxiousness creep into his arms. His fingertips tingle.

On the television, a laugh track plays over a clip of The Three Stooges. Blue eyes flick upward, and he partially wishes a ladder would put him out of his own self-induced misery.

Outside, the antics of a Saturday night in Brooklyn roll on.

In the last few days he’s parsed through his thoughts enough to realize it’s not telling you that scares him — no, it’s telling you the truth. The whole truth. All of it. After all, the good comes with a lot of bad; the sort of bad you chain in a chest and sink in the ocean. And Bucky finds that, even still, the good is questionable at best. The good is… small. Microscopic. Completely and totally tainted by the fuckin’ decades of brainwashed, war dog bullshit.

He groans and drops his head back against the wall.

He tries, for the next twenty minutes, to formulate some sort of reply to your text message. But, half the battle is figuring out what to say, and the other half is actually typing it out. This whole flip phone purchase was really starting to sting like regret — and as much as Bucky loved technology back before the war, and all the magical possibilities it held, he can’t help but feel like an ornery old man now.

It’s the change. Steve was right. Too much change.

He can’t find the space button and he can’t figure out how to delete the random 3 he’d accidentally punched in — so, with a grumpy huff of disapproval, Bucky simply dials your number.

You pick up on the third ring.

“Don’t you know it’s Saturday?” your voice is a welcomed sound, “The History Channel is running a bunch of old war documentaries you might enjoy, grandpa.”

Bucky snorts, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. “What makes you think I’d wanna watch that shit?”

“Everyone knows that old men like two things,” your voice is light, half-distracted from the sounds of it, “World War Two, or grilling. And honestly, you don’t strike me as the grilling type.”

“I like a good burger.”

“Yeah?” you snort, and Bucky can hear you shift your phone from one ear to the other, “Is that why you called? To hint at being hungry?”

“No,” he exhales, looking out the window, “No, I was trying to reply to your text but I can’t find the fuckin’ space button. Calling is easier.”

“Oh my god—”

“Shut up,” he barks with a laugh, sitting up, “Don’t even start — are you hungry?”

“Almost always, why?”

“Got any plans tonight?”

“... You do know who you’re asking, right?”

Bucky grins, a little boyish and a little tired. “Good point. Loser.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re the one calling me to hangout,” you snort, leaning to prop your feet up on your desk and lean back. Your chair wheels backwards, far enough for you to get a good look down the street. It’s a nice night, cool enough, and it seems like the whole borough is awake, “But, I’m only hanging out if you tell me what the fuck is up with court mandated therapy. I can’t wait another three days.”

Your anxiety has been pricked the last few days over it.

“... Do I get to pick the place?”

You roll your eyes. “Fine.”

“Great,” he exhales tightly, “I hope you’re in the mood for sushi.”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Izzy’s is busy, but there’s privacy in the bustle.

Bucky had buzzed your apartment’s ringer and you’d flown down the stairs, looking… alive. The sort of alive that was new — like a fresh bud beginning to bloom in spring. It had made him grin, and he’d watched you push a tress of hair behind your ear as you decided it was warm enough for no jacket tonight. The light of the crosswalk sign lit you up like a star.

He was sweating.

Dr. Raynor was right — that was it, of course it was — that it was getting too warm for his usual outfit. So, he’d settled on the next best thing: a sweatshirt that was big enough and black enough that he could bury himself in it. His hands are tucked neatly into the pockets.

No gloves tonight.

He feels naked.

He shoulders the door and holds it open with the toe of his boot as you duck towards the back of the restaurant. There’s a booth in the back by a large bamboo plant — you weave through the place with a new found confidence. There’s anxiousness in your shoulders but it melts when you look back at Bucky. Like a watchful guard dog, he nods.

You settle into the booth, toss your jacket in the corner, and smirk.

“I get out sometimes,” Bucky remarks before you can even say anything. He shifts in the booth and reaches up to scratch his cheek with his right hand, “Not often, but I do.”

“I didn’t say anything...”

“You were going to,” he nearly smirks back, his brows raised as he adjusts the chopsticks on the table, “I know that look.”

You snort, nudging his boot under the table. That works a huffed little laugh out the man across from you. Almost immediately you can sense anxiousness rolling off him — it’s the tightness in his mouth that gives him away, the way he’s fussing with the soy sauce dish and trying to get it to line up perfectly with the marbling on the table. Worry flashes in your eyes.

“Bucky.”

He raises his head.

“You alright?” you ask quietly.

“You have to promise not to flip out.”

Your brows knot tightly — but before you can even question what the fuck he means, he’s casually dropping his other hand onto the table.

And you almost don’t notice at first. Your brain fills the gaps in, figuring it’s his glove. But, then you blink and his hand catches the light and you realize it’s not leather. It’s glittering obsidian, garnished with gold, and it’s moving. Flexing. Seams bending and warping and there’s a gentle hum coming from the appendages and you squint because he’s tapping his fingers on the table and there’s a metallic tik-tik-tik that meets your ears.

Then, your eyes jump to his face.

He looks pained.

You’re confused.

And then you’re not.

“You’re —”

You slap a hand over your own mouth. You have to promise not to flip out. Your eyes are eighty miles wide and your jaw is falling open and you’re leaning forward, whispering in a rushed tone because what the fuck.

“You’re that Bucky?!”

Oh, you feel stupid.

The hostess appears, suddenly. You snap backwards in the booth, Bucky tucks his hand away, and you both muster forced smiles to the waitress. She’s young. Pretty. Her name-tag says Sarah.

She asks about drinks.

Bucky gets a beer.

Slowly, you knock your knuckles against the table and drop your head into your hand. The look on your face is exhausted. “Do you guys have Mai Tais?”

The answer is yes. And you’re glad. Because you’re going to fucking need it.

The two of you are quiet until the drinks come — avoiding one anothers gazes for completely different reasons. Bucky is sheepish, a bit mortified, like he always is when people recognize him. It’s why he shaved his fuckin’ head. It worked well enough but… the arm was usually a dead giveaway.

Meanwhile, you’re wondering if you could shave your own head and disappear. Because there’s no easy way to explain the weird elation swirling in your chest right now.

Bucky’s first to speak. His beer is in his good hand. He inhales quickly, eyes darting to you as he leans forward and whispers incredulously. He speaks quickly and his words are pointed with an edge of curiosity.

“...What do you mean ‘that Bucky’?”

“Y’know, I knew there was a reason you acted like you needed a senior citizen discount. And you know exactly what I mean,” you rush out all while waving your Mai Tai and jabbing the side with the umbrella towards him, “Listen, this is a lot to take in, Mr. Avenger.”

“I am not an Avenger—”

“You helped reverse the Snap. You’re the Winter Soldier. That makes you an Avenger—”

Bucky’s shaking his head, eye screwed shut tightly because the sudden equation to his past self being considered a hero is like being socked in the mouth. He stutters over his words and shakes his head more vigorously, like he’s trying not to hear what you’re saying.

“I am not the Winter Soldier. Not anymore. And it’s not like I’m not on the fuckin’ roster, doll—”

You hold a finger up, stopping him there, and take a long sip of your sunset colored drink. You swallow. You exhale. Bucky swigs his beer.

“One, don’t call me doll,” you say curtly, then raise a second finger. You lean in and squint, “Two… Christ, the haircut really makes a big difference, doesn’t it?”

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” he sighs raggedly, dismissing your scrutiny.

You puff your cheeks out and exhale. Leaning back in the booth, you try not to feel so fucking insane.

“...I can never have you over now.”

Bucky’s brows narrow quickly and his eyes snap to yours. “What?”

“I can’t have you over,” you explain slower with your eyes rooted to the soy sauce in the corner, “Because I don’t think I could ever handle you seeing my signed and framed Captain America poster from his USO tour in 1943.”

Bucky’s face is deadpan. “You’re kidding.”

“I really wish I was,” you gripe, “It’s an original.”

“...You’re a Cap girl,” he says suddenly, leaning back with this look in his eye. It’s less of a question. You can’t pin it down. It looks like he's damn near traumatized.

Bucky thinks — honestly — that this is the cherry on top. Every girl back then was a Cap girl, too. It figures, now, in this new century where he’s making new friends that… as per usual, Steve gets the cake. That fuckin’ pint sized bastard.

He’ll have to tell him about this.

You yank your eyes up to Bucky’s face. His mortification is shifting to surprise to amusement. You’re fast to sit up, mouth opening to fire a retort — but Bucky’s suddenly really enjoying the look of pure horror on your face at the insinuation. He’s smirking. Plain as day. He swigs his beer.

“No, no—” you raise a finger, “No, stop it. Don’t make it fuckin’ weird, Bucky, it’s not like I have his name tattoo’d on my ass. And I knew a girl in college who did.”

His brows rise sharply and you’re finding you’re regretting everything that’s coming out of your mouth.

“Stop looking at me like that,” you guffaw, gesturing for him to show you his hand again, “I wanna see.”

Bucky sighs and plucks his hand from his hoodie pocket.

With a sort of tenderness Bucky wasn’t prepared to handle, you take his metallic hand into your own. There’s an immediate twinge — one that’s procured by flashes of violence from years of being a walking weapon. He breathes, and he reminds himself that this arm is not the same that tethered him to HYDRA all those years ago.

This arm is his, it is not him.

The sensation is different. He isn’t used to anyone touching him like this; he’s used to the feeling of flesh on the other end of a punch, or a throat caught in his palm. Not the gentle pass of your fingers, delicate and purposeful, over his knuckles.

You turn over his hand, eyes alight with curiosity — and Bucky, desperate to stamp out the hotness growing in his gut, moves quickly to flick your nose.

“Ow—”

“Don’t stare,” he says coyly, “It’s rude.”

The waitress is back. His hand is tucked away, and you wrestle the stupid expression off your face long enough to order a plate of assorted maki rolls and some fried tofu. Bucky orders what seems like his usual — shrimp tempura and spicy tuna rolls.

The waitress, Sarah, disappears with a smile.

You’re grinning.

“So… Does this make me the sidekick?” you whisper playfully.

“Shut up,” Bucky laughs, his lips almost darting into a smile.

You cock your head, pushing your chopsticks across the table with a horribly coy look on your face. It’s comical. “...I think this makes me the sidekick.”

“It — stop it — it does not make you the sidekick,” Bucky says slowly as he sips his beer and pins you in the booth across from him, “I’m not a hero. You’d have better luck asking Cap on that one.”

You grow silent. There’s a question hanging on your tongue. You’re wrestling with yourself — Bucky can see that much. He frowns.

“Spit it out, Goose.”

You blink. “Was that a Top Gun reference?”

“You wanted to be the sidekick.”

You wave it off, blinking into your Mai Tai. Your voice is quiet. Even as you speak, there’s a hesitancy akin to walking on eggshells. “What happened to Cap? Is he… alive? He’s gone off the grid. It’s, like, this massive conspiracy theory online.”

“He’s upstate.”

You blink.

“That’s ominous.”

Bucky shrugs. “Someday I’ll take you. It’s… nice.”

You go quiet. You freeze, drink halfway to your mouth. Bucky can’t help but smirk at that. His laugh is more of a scoff than anything.

“Relax, Miss America.”

“Shut up — do you mean that?”

“What, that I think you’re in love with Captain America?”

“No, you bastard, that you’ll take me. To meet him.”

Bucky’s words are easy. They roll off his tongue without a second thought. He feels… okay. Like this part is okay. Not as bad as he thought it could be. His anxiousness isn’t as heavy now. He feels like he isn’t losing you. But then again, he hasn’t gotten to the bad part yet.

“He’s my best friend,” Bucky explains plainly, “And so are you.”

The admission is warm. As easy as breathing. Two months in the making.

“Your only friend,” you say quietly, offering the joke as a cover for the softening tone that dances over your words. It’s affection, you realize, as you mimic his shrug, “But, go on.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” Bucky chirps, “But, yea, I mean it. He’d like you.”

You raise your chin, wiggling a bit in the booth. It’s pride — and as much as Bucky likes the look of it, he can’t handle the ridiculousness that comes along with it. But, it’s sort of comforting. He knows this playfulness, this easiness, it’s all because he’s him. You trust him. In.a way, it strikes Bucky with guilt. There are wall of his still built up high. Maybe they’re slowly coming down, but… he’s like a stray dog, slow to trust.

“Safe to say,” you breathe, “I have a few questions.”

“I figured as much.”

You sip your drink and swallow. You raise a hand. “But — I wanna know the boundaries. I don’t want to… I don’t want to pry about shit I have no business knowing, alright? It’s your life and even if we are friends, I don’t need to know everything.”

The relief is almost immediate. He thumbs the label of his beer.

“Ask anything. But I can’t promise I’ll be able to give you the answers.”

“And I’ll leave it at that,” you say sternly, propping your elbow up on the table and offering your pinky finger, “Until you want to talk about it. Promise.”

He crooks his pinky in yours, squeezing gently. You smile.

Sarah comes back with the food, and then Bucky offers his usual half-exhausted, half-amused smirk.

“You get three questions now. Then, we shut up and eat.”

You fold your hands neatly over themselves, eyeing your food as you try your best to sort out what questions come up with the most urgency. There’s… a lot. I mean, everyone knew about the Avengers — and everyone had their opinions. The Sokovia Accords, Lagos, the Blip… and SHIELD. Years of bullshit culminating around those who were considered the heroes. The kickback usually ended up on everyday citizens like you. After the initial amazement, the reality of it all set in.

But, to Bucky’s point, he wasn’t really an Avenger.

Nowadays, there really wasn’t a team at all. No up-state compound, no leader, no Stark and no Rogers.

You’re sure the GRC will try — that the military will try. Morale and hope and blah, blah, blah.

You narrow your eyes. “How old are you?”

It’s quick. “One hundred and six.”

“How’d they keep you alive that long?”

There’s a wince that flashes across his face like he’s been stabbed with a white hot poker in the ribs. You see a twitch of irritation bubble across his lips. Not with you. No, it’s that this question is still hard for him to answer. Bucky exhales sharply.

“Next question.”

You feel a pang of guilt flare in your chest. You move along.

“Who kept you alive that long?”

“The Russians. HYDRA, if you wanna get specific.”

You exhale and settle on the fact you now have more questions than answers. But, you nod and snatch up your chopsticks. Enough of the twenty questions game.

In all honesty, it’s not like Bucky’s existence was common knowledge. The Winter Soldier was known mostly, sure, to those who had floated in the same circles as him when he was nothing but a rabid cur on a choke chain. He can’t help but be a bit thankful for the minor erasure of his new self — sure, in the eyes of the U.S. government he was a high-level threat to be reintegrated as soon as possible and surveyed at all times. But, to the average New Yorker, he was just another person. Everyone was so used to seeing the heroes in their costumes with their bigger than life personas and…

Bucky was just Bucky.

Even he didn’t really know who that was. He was starting to.

His pardon had come with some flak from some of the more political news outlets but… somehow, the details of the Winter Soldier’s exact crimes were being kept silent. Probably to avoid panic. And, even then, the connection between the newly alive James Buchanan Barnes and The Winter Soldier hadn’t been made yet in the public eye. He was glad.

The haircut definitely helped.

It’s like he was a walking classified redaction.

Bucky has a sushi roll in his mouth when he finally speaks. “For such a Captain American fan, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize me.”

“Oh, you’re really not gonna let that go, huh?” you say as you chew, covering your mouth. You swallow and waggle your chopsticks at him, “Listen, it’s been a while since I’ve… y’know, had my Avengers phase. That was years ago. It was at its peak when I worked for SHIELD. And besides, you’re kinda new to the whole superhero scene.”

Bucky frowns. “You worked for SHIELD...?”

“For a year,” you say tightly, “Back before the collapse.”

“Only a year?”

“It was for my graduate program,” you wave it off, “I won out on the most competitive internship NYU had to offer. I was working within their cybersecurity division. I will say I spent more time trying to sort of email phishing scams than anything else, though. I’m sure they saw my record and wanted to keep me away from the juicy stuff.”

Bucky squints.

You offer a sheepish shrug.

“I got into trouble when I was younger,” you sip your drink and sigh, “I always liked computers. I used to spend all my time on forum sites just… reading and talking to people and figuring out how these sites actually worked, so learning how to write my own code was just the next step. When I was fifteen, I learned how to tap phones. At sixteen, I was hijacking my neighbor’s internet conenctions and remotely controlling his laptop.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Yea, well, he was a sitting Senator who was having an affair with the nanny,” you mutter, “And I was stupid enough to try and blackmail him for cash. I wish I could say I learned my lesson.”

Bucky exhales long and hard at that, like he knows where that snap of misguided judgement goes. It’s not like he’s passing judgement onto you, but… like he knows the feeling. And you manage to not feel so small, then — telling him this is easy. It’s not your favorite part of your life by any means, but Bucky is listening. Really listening.

He fiddles with the paper wrapper of the chopsticks.

“So, less a Goose and more a Kevin Poulsen type, huh?”

You snort. “For an old man, I’m surprised you know who that is. But, I wasn’t hacking into the Pentagon at seventeen. I was too busy doing community service.”

“HYDRA had their eyes on him in the 90s,” Bucky mumbles through a bite of spicy tuna, the memory popping into his mind and flying out before he can stop it, “I remember… I thought his username was stupid.”

“Oh, you didn’t like Dark Dante?”

“Like I said,” Bucky chortles, “Stupid.”

“You wouldn’t have liked mine, then,” you smirk lightly, “It’s worse.”

Bucky raises his brows, somehow doubting that entirely. “Really?”

“...I was hackrabb1t for a long time. Y’know, with a ‘one’ for the ‘i’,” you cringe, “People kept thinking I was a furry.”

There’s a pause. Bucky’s face is set in an unreadable emotion. It’s confusion mixed with amusement mixed with… something else. When he speaks, he clears his throat and tilts his head.

“It’s clever. But,” a pause, “What is a furry? I’ve been seeing that word all over PlentyOfFish.”

Your jaw flies open. You raise your hands as your head reels around. Bucky has a look on his face like he knows, he knows he shouldn’t have asked and he definitely shouldn’t have given you enough context to know where he’s seen that phrase before, because now you’re looking at him like he has seventeen heads and they’re all on fire.

“Y’know what, nevermind—”

“—Oh, no, no, there’s way too much to unpack here,” you lean forward, “You’re on PlentyOfFish?”

“ChristianMingle wasn’t really my speed — stop laughing.”

“Shut up — stop it, stop — this is too much,” you say with a high voice, “If you get catfished, I’m not helping you track the person down…”

“—What the hell is a catfish?” he nearly cries, raising both hands in a desperate shrug, “I don’t even know what any of these words mean.”

“Oh, you sweet, naive, innocent, man—”

“No, no, no, no,” he chirps, raising a finger with a deadly look of seriousness on his face, “No, I am not naive or sweet or any of the above. I’ll take ‘cute’, sure, but none a’ those.”

“Is that what the furries call you on PlentyOfFish? Cute?”

He drops his head back against the booth and stares at the ceiling.

“Our friendship was a mistake, rabbit.”

You choke out a laugh. “Shut up, you walking claw machine.”

You’re both laughing now — quieter but sustained and everytime you think you’ve calmed down enough to sip your Mai Tai, you just have to look at the distraught, scruffy man across from you to break into another fit of muffled laughter. Finally, after what feels like forever, you both manage to calm down enough to finish the plates in front of you.

There’s a warmth that’s settled in Bucky’s chest — it’s eaten away at the usual jitter in his legs, the anxious twitch of his fingers. It’s a different emotion. Acceptance, maybe. Comfort. Affection.

Then, while you’re piling the last bit of sushi rice into your mouth when your phone, set on the side of the table, begins to go off. It hums erratically, dancing in a circle, and all you do is stare at the name flashing across the screen. You’re smiling, hugging her. It’s from Jaimie’s wedding — out in some big, wide open orchard with the sun setting behind you. The picture there is old; you were both different people then.

Before… everything.

MOM Morristown, NJ

You scowl and stare.

Bucky blinks.

“You gonna get that?”

Quickly, you snap out of it. You reach and silence the buzzing with two quick taps. Quietly, you offer up a somber sigh.

“I never do.”

Bucky frowns again, this time with a worried look that digs deep into his eyebrows. You ignore it on purpose, pushing your plate away and leaning back in the booth. He knows what you’re doing — you’re avoiding his gaze, and therefore his own questions.

“Rabbit.”

“Oh, is that my new nickname, then?”

“It fits,” he chirps before crossing his arms, strategically hiding his metallic hand, “What’s up?”

You grow quiet — then it spills out.

“I can’t talk to her.”

“Why?”

You chew your lip. You bite your tongue and you hold back on the finer points of your anger — ones dredged up by the still present sting of your check-in with Dr. Hart this afternoon.

Here it comes.

“As a part of my pardon, I was ordered no-contact with my family,” you exhale, controlling the level of your voice, reciting the court papers you’d read over and over and over, “It was deemed that further contact would impact my progress towards reformed behavior and judgment.”

Bucky’s eyes are wide. His jaw is tight.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘pardon’?”

It’s your turn to cross your arms now, to ignore the sting of his look. It’s the kind that screams disappointment more than anything. You hate that you’re getting it from Bucky of all people.

“Like I said, I didn’t learn my lesson when I was a kid,” you shirk, “Last year I was arrested on a number of counts — I’d been evading the FBI, CIA, all of them, for years. I was doing it all for people like me. The ones who got left behind.”

Bucky’s tone is flat. It’s serious. His next sentence is less of a question, more of an order. The cadence is rhythmic and it reminds you of your brother the night he found out about the first time you’d been arrested; you decide, then, that Jaimie and Bucky would have gotten along.

“What did you do?”

“Whatever I could,” you wave your hands, “Identity theft, falsified documents, insurance fraud. Anything. There were people, like me, that in a blink, lost everything. Accidents, deaths, evictions and no one did anything for us. The insurance agencies wouldn’t cover damages related to The Snap. Life insurance policies, social security… It all got snatched up by people at the top while the system collapsed around us. I had to pay for my brother’s funeral out of pocket. And there were hundreds of thousands of people just like me, just trying to get by. And everything failed us.”

Bucky is stuck in silence. It’s like mud, dragging him to the bottom of a pond — the sort that’s dredged with misery. In an instant, his veins are on fire with an anger he hadn’t felt in a while. It manifests itself in the tightening of his jaw. He rubs his face and props his elbows up on the table.

“Why won’t they let you see your family?”

You fiddle with your napkin.

“My brother… His wife was on maternity leave when she disappeared in the Blip,” you mutter, “She came back to no job, a dead husband, and no home. Their apartment complex had been abandoned. She’s trying her best to make ends meet. She lives with my Mom in our old home. Neither of them can find work. They… The court thought that I’d be influenced to do something if I was around them.”

“What, like help?”

“They see me as a criminal,” you manage, “But I’m useful, so they’re keeping me around.”

Silence falls between the two of you once more — and the sad look on your face makes Bucky’s chest tight. He can see anxiety beginning to spill over; you’re wringing the napkin, fiddling with the edges. Suddenly, Bucky realizes you’re feeling exactly how he was an hour or so ago.

Your voice is soft. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.”

“Looks like we’re two birds of a feather,” he says, knocking the toe of your sneaker with his boot, “Listen, we all do stupid shit. I’ve got a lot worse weighing me down. I get it.”

You look up, sadness glistening in your expression like sun off a lake. It’s harsh. He wants to look away.

He doesn’t.

“... So, that means you’re good with computers?”

◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

That’s how you find yourself in Bucky’s Brooklyn apartment at almost midnight, wandering behind him in the long halls and watching curiously as he digs his key from his pocket and shoulders the door open.

It’s a small apartment. One bed, one bath, a kitchenette and that’s really it.

For its size, it’s hardly lived in.

You suppose it makes sense — Bucky didn’t have a lot of personal belongings, and with the hints he’d dropped about his life before The Blip, you were beginning to understand that he may have never really had that much to begin with.

There’s a blanket on the floor by the television and a single couch pillow. It’s tucked in the corner, behind a small sofa. There’s a chair in the living room, one from an old dining set. At the kitchen counter, there’s a stack of papers and a single laptop. Even though all the kitchen’s wares are older models, the bones of the apartment are good. Bare, but good.

You stop in the doorway to the bedroom and stare at the untouched bed. The sheets are tucked tightly in the corners — there’s something militaristic about it. Across the hall is the bathroom. It’s small. You can see a few amenities scattered across the sink’s top.

Being in here feels something like an open wound.

It was lonely. Quiet. Cold.

“We need to make a trip to HomeGoods,” you mumble as Bucky flicks on the lights, “I get the whole minimalist thing, but sheesh.”

“I don’t have a lot,” he says, kicking off his boots by the door and shrugging off his jacket, “And I don’t need a lot either.”

You watch as his shoulders sag a bit, like he can finally let down his guard just a little in his own space. It’s endearing. You perch yourself up on the kitchen counter as your eyes follow him; he moves to fling open a cabinet and grabs a mug. Then, he hesitates.

“You want tea?” he asks over his shoulder.

“Tea?”

“Dr. Raynor said,” Bucky reaches for a container of tea bags from the top shelf. His henley lifts enough to flash a bit of skin along his lower back and you swear you see a scar, “It would help with my anxiety.”

You swing your legs a little. “Then sure.”

“You can use my Captain America mug,” he chirps, laughing a little to himself, “Seeing as you’re such a big fan…”

“God, I regret even saying anything to you,” you spit as you hop down and lean around him to get a look at the mug, “Did you seriously buy that?”

“It was a gift.”

“Bullshit.”

Bucky snorts as you shake your head and wander backwards, eyeing the rest of his apartment with a bit of astonishment. It’s really nothing impressive — but, you suppose it makes sense. Whatever meager disbursement that the government was willing to give Bucky for his efforts in fixing the Snap was better than nothing.

Your gaze hangs on the blanket in the corner.

He watches you; and he notes the sore sadness that dissolves your posture at the sight of the nest in the corner. A bit of shame colors his cheeks as he heats up the water. When Bucky speaks, it’s slow.

“The bed was too soft. I couldn’t sleep on it,” he shifts from foot to foot and focuses on taking the tea bags out and methodically wrapping the strings around the handles, “Dr. Raynor said that’s a typical thing for soldiers to experience when they come home from war.”

You’re quiet for a while after that, only speaking when he rounds the counter with your tea. He offers it up with a tilt of the head.

“You never got to come home, though, right?”

“No,” comes the short reply as you both watch the lights outside the window, “No, I didn’t. Not until now.”

You nudge his arm with yours. You lean a bit. Bucky leans back.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he manages after a sigh and sip of the tea, “I can’t just feel sorry for myself anymore. I’m trying to fix the wrongs I did — and that’s why I need your help.”

You quirk a brow. He reaches around you and grabs the stack of papers on the counter. With a steady grip, Bucky presents the photo of a woman who looks strikingly familiar. You can’t place her face, but there’s something about her that feels like a slap across the cheek. She’s young here, in a faded photo with tattered edges. Beside her is a man who is laughing. The photo is candid, and they’re both beautiful. They’re both wearing a uniform — but you can’t place the era or location.

You turn to Bucky for answers.

“Back in the 70s, at the height of the Cold War, HYDRA was working in tandem with the Russians to spy on American forces,” he offers easily, staring out the window, “The American HYDRA cell hadn’t yet been planted. This man, Andrei Kuznetzov, was a spy. He was feeding the Americans information on the Russian nuclear program. His wife, the one in the photo, was ordered to kill him. She refused.”

Bucky’s fingers twitch.

His words are soaked through with pain.

“I,” he continues, “killed him.”

You hold your breath. Then you spare him a mournful look.

“Inessa Sidrova went on to help form the same HYDRA cell that ended up taking over SHIELD here in America,” Bucky mumbles, “She’s dangerous. There’s others like her, ones who I helped create, all over the world. But, she’s my top priority. I just haven’t had much luck tracking her down.”

“That’s why you need my help.”

“I’m 106 years old,” Bucky deadpans, “The microfiches at the library were getting a little tedious.”

“But,” you chirp with a sly smirk, “You figured out how to set up a PlentyOfFish account?”

He shoulders you again as you sip your tea and laugh.

“Shoulda never said anything,” Bucky grumbles, “Dr. Raynor thought it was a good idea. Y’know, to get back out in the world.”

“I can promise you,” you say with a stern shake of the head, “The metal arm will get you plenty of chicks and dudes in due time.”

“Good to know,” Bucky replies as his words lilt with a playful sort of questioning that you purposefully ignore. You’re not feeding his ego today. Maybe tomorrow, after you take a crack at figuring out where this woman is.

It’s going to be a long night.

#vacant mirrors #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #winter soldier imagine #tfatws imagine #bucky barnes #marvel imagine #bucky x reader

1K notes · View notes

falcqns · 4 years

Text

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: Henry has a crush on you, but you’re dating someone else, and he broods about it. he confronts you about it and ruins his career.

Warnings: swearing, threats, henry is a mega asshole in this and ruins his career, dont know where this idea came from lol

A/N: Bratty!Henry makes a comeback as requested! Hope you enjoy!

Don't blame me for falling

I was just a little boy

Don't blame the drunk calling

Wasn't ready for it all

Henry had been a fan of yours for a while. You had appeared in a few movies and TV shows, and he watched them almost religiously. You hadn’t been acting as long as him, but he firmly believed that you were way better at it than him, He had auditioned for a few of the same projects as you, but he never got the role, for one reason or another. He very vividly remembers watching the Mockingbird movie that you were in, and the feelings of jealousy he got as he watched you kiss your co star, Sebastian Stan. He almost wanted to hate Sebastian, but he had done nothing to him, so he couldn’t. Other than kiss the girl that Henry wanted for himself.

Then, one day, Anya and Freya busted into his trailer with huge smiles on their faces.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, petting Kal, and smirking at his friends. They locked eyes with each other and giggled before Freya told him what was going on.

“Y/N got a part on the show!” She squealed, and Henry felt warmth blossom in his chest in hope.

“Shut up. You’re joking!” He said, standing up, a huge smile spreading on his face. “When does she start?”

“Tomorrow!” Anya squealed, and Henry’s smile grew even bigger. He couldn’t wait.

You can't blame me, darling

Not even a little bit

I was away

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

Henry was practically shaking with excitement when he woke up the next morning. He wanted nothing more than to rush to set to meet you, but he needed to go for a run, eat, and get himself and Kal ready before he could do that.

40 minutes later, he was ready and was practically speeding to set with Kal in the passenger seat of his car. Kal had his head out the window, his mouth open, biting at the wind. Henry glanced over at him and chuckled. His stomach was feeling the same way.

He arrived moments later, and looked around the parking lot for your vehicle. He didn’t know what type of car your drive, but he noticed a black Dodge Ram 1500 that he hadn’t seen before today, so he had to assume that was yours. His eyes were darting everywhere, looking for you, while walking to his trailer. He dropped Kal off in his trailer, and filled up his food and water bowl before he left for the makeup trailer.

He walked out of his trailer, and that’s when he saw you. You were standing outside your trailer, which was opposite of his. Your hair and makeup was done, and you were talking on the phone. Suddenly, he was feeling very nervous, as you hung up the phone and your eyes landed on him. You waved at him, and the butterflies in his stomach grew as he walked over to meet you.

“Hi!” You said.

“Hi! I’ve been wanting to meet you for so long,” HEnry said as he gazed into your E/C eyes. You blushed and he opened his arms for a hug, which you willingly gave.

“Me too!” You said, and the two of you continued talking until your phone rang again. Henry glanced down briefly and his heart dropped into his stomach at what he saw. It was a picture of you and Sebastian kissing, and there was a heart next to Seb’s name.

“Sorry, that’s my boyfriend, but I’ll talk to you on set, okay?” You said, and Henry nodded with a smile, an attempt to cover what he was truly feeling.

“Of course.” You nodded, and walked away with the phone held up to your ear.

“Hey, baby...” You said into the phone, not noticing how Henry turned his back, and walked towards his trailer.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry managed to hide the hurt he was feeling for a few days, but Anya and Freya first noticed something was wrong when Henry walked away from the three of you while you were telling them how Sebastian was trying to impress you once, and ended up falling down his trailer steps. Henry had made it to his trailer before breaking down. Kal bounded over to him, and pressed his body against his legs. Henry sunk to the floor, and let Kal rest his head on his shoulder. He let out a whine at Henry’s crying, and henry calmed down. He didn’t want to upset the one thing that makes him insanely happy. It was you, but you were taken. he couldn’t think about you liked that anymore, no matter how much he wanted to.

Anya came into his trailer a few minutes later, and sat next to him, her hand resting on his arm.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, and Henry lifted his head to look at Anya. “I like her. So much. But, she’s out there dating that asshole.”

Anya let out a laugh, and Henry looked at her in confusion. “What?”

“Sebastian isn’t an asshole. Just because he got her before you did, you’re going to make him look like the bad guy in this situation? First of all, there is no bad guy in the situation. She’s happy with him. He’s happy with her. If you’d sit and listen to the way she talks about him, you’d understand that. He has done things for her that I’ve never heard of anyone doing for their significant others, especially those who dont care about said significant others. When they were filming together, she really missed her best friend, so he flew her out for her birthday, and paid for them to spend the weekend at Disney World together. He’s a really nice guy, but you’re going to sit here and brood simply because he met her first. Dont blame him, and dont you dare blame her.” Anya said, before giving Kal a pet, and walking out of the trailer.

Henry glared at the wall opposite him for a few minutes, before pulling his phone out and going to instagram. He looked at his notifications, and scoffed in annoyance when he saw that Sebastian followed him. Without thinking, he clicked on the three dots, and blocked him.

You might be taken, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have to be okay with it. He stood up, wiped his eyes, and headed back to set. He made a point to keep his eyes glued to his phone so he didn’t have to talk to you.

He shouldn’t be blaming you for this, but the jealous side of him told him to, since he couldn’t blame Sebastian.

I just hope you see me in a little better light

Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?

'Cause I miss the shape of your lips

You'll win, it's just a trick

And this is it, so I'm sorry

You noticed Henry’s demeanour towards you go down over the course of your first week, and you were scouring your brain to figure out why while on FaceTime with Sebastian.

“I don’t know what I did to him. He barely speaks to me, he refuses to be alone with me, and if I even mention something about Marvel or our movie, he scoffs, and makes snide little remarks. He seemed like such a nice a person, and i dont know what happened.” You explained to Sebastian, while playing with your fingers.

“I don’t know, either love. I did notice that he blocked me though. I tried to follow him earlier in the week, and now I can’t even find his account, so I think he blocked me. I don’t think it has anything to do with you,” He said, giving you a sincere smile, that was full of love. You smiled at the sight of his steel blue eyes.

“Why would he hate you though? You’ve never met, and I thought he was a Marvel fan. Anya told me he was, and that he went to see Mockingbird in theatres. It doesn’t make sense.” You said. You watched as something washed over Sebastians face, and he ran his fingers through his hair.

“He might like you. I never even thought about that. He’s friends with Chris, I’ll find out for sure,” Seb said, picking up his phone and typing out a message to Chris.

“You think he like me?” You questioned, and Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, i think he does. I mean, he follows you on all your socials, comments on all your posts, he went and saw a Marvel movie by himself, and I’ve heard from a few people he’s been wanting to work with you for a while, but scheduling always got in the way. To me, its the only logical explanation right now.” He said, and you saw his face fall a little.

You smiled. “Baby, look at me,” His head lifted. “You know, even if this is true, I would never leave you, right?” He nodded.

“I know. It’s just- he’s played Superman. An actual superhero. I play a troubled 100 year old with a metal arm that he got through a debt owed to Steve by T’Challa. He’s played so many more influential roles in his career, and I haven’t even gotten the lead in a ‘superhero’ movie, I’m only a side character. And, I know you had a crush on him at one point. Plus, look at the dude! He looks like a Greek God. I don’t want to lose you.” Sebastian admitted.

You giggled slightly. “Baby, I don’t care about that. I care about you. Did you know that before I started on the Mockingbird set, I was terrified to work with you? I had the biggest crush on you, and I was terrified you wouldn’t like me back, but I was proven wrong instantly, when you came up to me and gave me the biggest hug, and told me if I needed anything, you were there for me. You waited for me on set so you could walk me to my car, even on days where you got to go before I did. You visited me when I was sick, and asked to hang out on our days off. You did that. He didn’t. I love you, not him, dragă.” You said, and he smiled. He locked eyes with you through the screen, and you saw tears welling up in his eyes.

“Te iubesc atat de mult,” He said in Romanian.

“Si eu te iubesc foarte mult.” You responded. “I’ll see you when your plane lands tomorrow, okay? It’s getting pretty late there, and your flights in a few hours.”

You and Seb said good night, and hung up. As you laid in bed a few minutes later, you thought to yourself. “Did Henry really like you, or was that just Seb’s jealousy?” You decided to confront Henry in the morning.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

You arrived at the door of Henry’s trailer less that 12 hours later, and you didn’t bother knocking. The thought of bringing Seb on set when Henry had a problem with him didn’t sit right with you, and you needed to figure out what the fuck was going on.

You walked in, and saw Henry putting food and water in Kal’s bowls. He looked up at you before returning to what he was doing.

“What’s your problem with Sebastian?” You demanded, and to your anger, you got a scoff in return.

“Who says I have a problem with him?” He said, refusing to even look at you. You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket but you ignored it for the moment.

“Seb! You blocked him on Instagram when he followed you. You roll your eyes whenever I talk about him, and get all pissed when he calls me. He’s done NOTHING to you! So what is your problem with him?” You demanded, and he finally turned around to look a you.

“He calls and texts you constantly! He always has to be talking to you. You’re here to do a job, not sit around and text your little boyfriend.” He said, and you laughed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! I do my job perfectly well, and if you’d open your fucking eyes for two seconds, you’d see that I text him first! I tell him when I’m doing a scene, and when I’m not so he knows he can call me! Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and I’m trying to make it easier on him and I. And you say I’m here to do a job. Right now, I cant think of a SINGLE reason why I even took this job in the first place! Oh wait, I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WORK WITH YOU! Did you know I had an offer from Tom Cruise for The Mummy sequel and I turned it down because I wanted to work with you? I could be in Egypt right now, in shorts and a t shirt with Tom Cruise and Annabelle Wallis, my favourite actress, rather than in dreary fucking England, doing a show with you where you treat me worse than the horse shit that Zeus leaves in his path!” You screamed at him. His face became red, and he retaliated.

“FINE, YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I HATE HIM? BECAUSE HE HAD YOU FIRST! I’VE BEEN TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU FOR YEARS, BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON YOU, SINCE YOU APPEARED IN MURDOCH MYSTERIES! I WAS SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO WORK WITH YOU, AND I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU OUT, BUT YOU JUST HAD TO GO AND SLEEP WITH THE FIRST A LIST ACTOR YOU COULD GET YOUR HANDS ON WHO PROBABLY DOESN’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU! YOU DON’T WANNA BE HERE? LEAVE! I’M SURE TOM WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU! HE PROBABLY WROTE THAT PART SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, BECAUSE WHY WOUDN’T HE? YOU SEEM TO GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST TAKE IT, AND GET OUT OF ENGLAND BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE!” He screamed.

You blinked back tears, and swallowed the lump in your throat before answering. “You don’t get to hate him because he got me before you did. That’s cruel and wrong. And I didn’t sleep with the ‘first A List celebrity i could get my hands on’. I slept with him because I love him, and he loves me. And you’re right,” You felt the tears spill over, and you did nothing to stop them. “I’m sure Tom will be happy to have me, because I quit. I cannot work with you. You are not the person I thought you were at all.” Your turned to walk out the door.

“And to think that I used to have a crush on you too,” You remarked before letting the trailer door slam.

And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch

Who can't admit when he's sorry

You ran down the stairs and was immediately embraced by Sebastian, who had just arrived on set when he heard your and Henry’s screaming match.

“It’s okay,” He whispered into your ear, as you started sobbing. At that precise moment, Henry walked out of his trailer and opened his mouth to speak. Sebastian held up his hand before he could.

“I think you’ve done enough damage, Cavill. I’m not going to allow you to hurt her anymore. I can’t believe, that you, out of all people, would treat her like this simply because she’s dating someone else. You may play Superman, but you definitely don’t deserve it.” He remarked, and led out away. But, Henry being Henry, decided to snark back.

“You’re one to talk. You play a 106 year old Hydra assassin who somehow managed to convince everyone around him that his a good guy. You’re no worse than I am buddy.”

“Go to your trailer, I’ll see you in a second.” You nodded and headed in. While he dealt with Henry, you called Tom to let him know you could take the role after all.

“I don’t know why you think that you can treat my girlfriend like that, but it’s not okay. You should have seen the amount of research she did for this role! She read every single book, and played every single game in preparation for this role. She was so excited, and turned down the chance to work with her favourite actress to work with you. Not many people would do that. I also dont know what I did to warrant you absolutely hating my guts, other than dating her. I’ve done nothing to you, and even if I did, that doesn’t mean you can treat my girlfriend like shit for it. I’d watch your fucking back, because unlike you, she’s a Marvel actor. The majority of her friends are Marvel too, so don’t be surprised if you get a few nasty messages from certain Avengers, because I will not withhold this information.”

Sebastian walked in to your trailer and found you on the phone to Lauren, apologizing. You hung up a few seconds later and turned to Sebastian.

“She mad at you?” Sebastian asked, and you shook your head.

“No. She understands. She says that she’s sorry that he acted that way, and that she’ll be talking to him. I called Tom and I have the role. I fly to Egypt in two months.” You said, packing up your things. Seb nodded, and moved from where he was to help you.

You took off your costume, and took your hair out. Sebastian took your duffel bag with all your things, and the two of you headed out. Thankfully, you didn’t see Anya of Freya, you weren’t in the right space mentally to explain what happened. All you wanted to do right now was get as far away from Henry as possible.

Don't call me baby again

You got your reasons

I know that you're tryna be friends

I know you mean it

Don't call me baby again

It's hard for me to go home

Be so lonely

Henry sat in his car after getting yelled at by Lauren, Anya, Freya, Joey, and the director, staring at the tree just outside his windshield. He let his emotions get the best of him, and now filming was suspended until they could find a replacement for you. No one was mad at you, no one blamed you. Not even him. He’s the one that fucked up, he’s the one paying the price.

He dug his phone out of his bag, and wasn’t surprised in the slightest when he had a whole bunch of unread messages. He filtered through all the threats that your Marvel friends had sent them.

Chris: you are unbelievable. i cannot believe you treated her like that. my first impression of you being a complete and utter dickhead was true. i can’t believe i was ever friends with you.

Anthony Mackie: for Superman, you’ve done some serious damage. and that’s saying something. i’d be amazed if this didn’t ruin your career completely. you dont get to sit there all high and mighty simply because you’re ‘heart broken.’ none of us are going to keep this quiet.

Scarlett Johansson: count your days cavill. never thought you’d be the type to make a girl cry.

Elizabeth Olsen: congrats on ruining your career. if you even come near Y/N again, we’ll do much worse than ruin your career. believe me.

He threw his head back against the seat. They wouldn’t take it to social media, would they? He thought as he clicked on his instagram app.

The first thing he saw was a post from Robert Downey Jr explaining what had happened.

He’d fucked up bad, and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

To be so lonely, to be so

To be so lonely

244 notes · View notes

t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

Not Going Anywhere (Tom Holland)

a/n: finally! lmao. gosh, i haven’t posted a fic in a while and im scared lol. also, i’m sorry for the lack of fics recently, i’ll try and be better with it. anyway, i’m not going to babble any more asdfghjkl hope you guys enjoy this one!

pairing: tom holland x actress!reader warnings: emotional scene, blood (fake), gun shots (kinda fake), character death (very fake lmao), lots of crying, and tom just being a wholesome boyfriend. word count: 7.5k+ requested:

first off, thank you angel! 💓 you’re too sweet omg 🥺 requests are a bit tricky for me ‘cause it depends if i get inspo or not but i did with this one haha so second, i’m so sorry this took soooo long. i hope i did it justice and that you like it love!

masterlist on bio & pinned post

-:-:-:-:-

It was the last scene of the day but neither you nor Tom were too keen on it. Both of you read the script, of course you knew this was a long time coming. This scene has been sitting in the back of your heads from the moment you both decided to take on the roles but still, it never really does prepare you mentally no matter how much you try.

Death scenes are always tricky to shoot, depending on what the undertone is. It can be a slightly easy one, the death of an enemy in which you'd channel relief, pride, a sense of accomplishment—maybe even in a sadistic, evil sense, happiness and joy. Or it can go around the hard route, the death of someone you love. There are so many ways you could go about it, so many emotions you can tap into. You can have regret, guilt, hurt, sadness, anger, fear, loss, and the list goes on.

It would've been easier to act it out with a regular colleague or a friend, easier to separate from reality and to snap out of it when they call cut. It'd be less daunting if that was the case. But when it's done with someone who you love off screen, a person who you can't ever imagine a world without, to get your mind to a place where you'd have to picture losing them, then it gets even trickier, much, much harder.

Couples don't usually do movies together that often, it can become unprofessional as some would say, but that wasn't the case with you and Tom. Both of you have been praised so many times with your individual works as you two can stand alone and carry a role with nothing but award winning performances. But whenever you two share a screen together, then it's an even bigger force to be reckoned with.

It's always a director's dream to work with you individually and as a pair. You were a match made in heaven off and on screen, the one-take-wonder duo. You two just bounce off each other so well no matter the roles you play, may it be enemies, acquaintances, lovers, past lovers, co-workers, and so on. You two share a look and it all clicks, then everything just falls into place.

You two get it done right away in the right way.

You love working with Tom, love seeing him do his thing in the flesh and you enjoy watching all the breathtaking and raw performance he gives. Plus, you get to spend time with your man, a gift with how conflicting your schedules can get sometimes. Not to mention, you get to do what you love together, a fun time on set as you make the most out of it while staying at the top of your game, be each other's cheerleader while maintaining proper professionalism.

But when it's heavy and emotional scenes like this upcoming one, you do find yourself wishing that it wasn't with him.

"How do I look? Still gorgeous I hope," Tom joked the moment you entered the set, posing over dramatically with one hand on his head, the other on his jutted out hip and a duck face to match, sporting his dirt—with specks of blood—covered and torn outfit. What he wore was a white shirt, black pants, black boots and a gray coat combo. While you on the other hand, wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, a gray zip up hoodie that was fully open and a black leather jacket over it.

On a normal day, his silliness would've made you roll your eyes with a laugh, but today, it didn't even manage to make you crack a smile. In fact, a frown made its way onto your lips at the sight of him all dirtied up, a purple bruise under his left eye, a couple gashes on his cheek and a cut on his bottom lip to complete his beat-up look.

"Stop trying to ruin my Zen," you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout on your lips. It was already dark inside your mind, emotions at the ready for when they call action. And seeing him be his dorky self, trying his best to make you laugh, just being the sweet boy who owns your heart, it wasn't at all helpful in a sense that with what's coming, it makes you think what life would be like if those adorable traits of his would become a memo—

"I'm not," Tom chuckled softly as he slowly made his way over to you. Once he reached a close proximity, his warm palm found its way to rest on your cheek. His touch was gentle, thumb caressing your skin comfortingly, a loving smile making its way onto his lip as he kept his gaze steady on your troubled face. "Just making sure you don't get too into your head, darling."

Tom's eyes held nothing but utter concern because he knows you like the back of his hand, knows how you work. With actors, it's always taxing mentally and emotionally when it comes to scenes like this, but with you, there's an added weight. Because, one, you always go that extra mile, to dig much deeper into your thoughts, to make your brain work harder at channeling emotions on command and in a quick switch. That's what made you known to be such an incredible actress, pure talent mixed with hard work of course.

And two, you were doing the scene with him, your real life lover. For you to see his face and watch him slowly wither away, Tom can't even stomach the thought of what you could possibly be feeling, what kind of thoughts were swimming inside your head. He can't even begin to imagine if it was the other way around. He absolutely admires your strength for holding it together because if it was him, he would've already been balling before he could even get out of his trailer.

With that said, Tom was worried to the bone. It always pains him to see the struggle you go through to get your mind there. He hates seeing you in a state that wasn't pure happiness, even if it was all acting.

"It's really hard not to," you whispered, flashing him a small smile as you leaned into his touch. Tom's heart broke at the soft shake in your voice, a sigh coming out of his lips as he moved closer to press it against your forehead. His strong arms found their way around your form to give you the warmest hug he can muster without getting all the dirt and the little bit of fake blood he had on him, on you.

"I know, angel, I know," he whispered against your skin, giving your waist a gentle and loving squeeze that made you close your eyes with a shaky breath.

Tom has had a fair share of tough, emotional scenes, of course he understood. Some of them were even done with you, though none were as tragic and heavy as to what lies ahead.

He knows how hard it is to not let those dark thoughts cloud most of your mind. He's been guilty of failing at it a couple of times. Some scenes just affected him in real life before he could stop it. Tom so badly didn't want you to experience the same. He doesn't want you to go far too deep for the sake of your mental state, especially with how much worse this scene is going to be compared to previous stuff you've done. But there's not much he can do other than to be there for you to help you get through it and to make sure to snap you out of it before it gets way out of hand.

"You two ready to go?" Jessica, the director, interrupted with a sympathetic smile. You unwillingly broke away from Tom's embrace to give her a small nod.

"Don't think I'll ever be ready but let's get this over and done with," you breathed out. She watched the two of you for a moment, the gloominess in the atmosphere too obvious for anyone to miss. It's always like that with emotional scenes, the set catered to help the actors be in the zone, but it's a lot heavier this time around. When it's a real life couple, the difference is huge.

With a soft, understanding smile, she reached over to you and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Two more minutes and then we start." Jessica nodded at the both of you curtly. You and Tom flashed her grateful smiles to which she gladly returned.

Once she walked away, Tom's gaze landed back on you, slight dread and concern glowing in his eyes but a reassuring grin played on his lips. He was trying his best to stay calm about it, even though he wasn't looking forward to it as well. He just didn't want to add more to your already worrying mind by looking too frantic with his concern.

"Come here and give me one last kiss."

"Don't say it like that," you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as his choice of words weren't exactly the best.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, darling," Tom rushed once he realized how it sounded like, rubbing your arms comfortingly and giving it a gentle squeeze, silently urging you to look at him. Once you opened your eyes and met his gaze again, he tilted his head to the side with an adorable pout. "Can I have a kiss? Pwetty please?"

You shook your head at your man with a sigh, the corners of your lips lifting just a little as you met him halfway for a short but sweet, loving kiss.

"You've got this, okay?" he whispered once you pulled away, his breath hot against your lips as the tip of his nose nudged yours tenderly. You flashed him a small yet thankful smile, nodding in response before leaning close again to give him a quick peck.

"Places you two!" Jessica called out.

Tom's hands found yours, his fingers delicate as he lifted them up to his lips, a kiss on each of your knuckles and another reassuring squeeze before he lets you go.

You treaded your way towards your first marker, Tom's just a couple feet behind you. You looked over your shoulder in hopes to find his eyes before everything starts, a wash of relief coating your body once you saw that it was already set on you. You two shared a look, Tom flashing you one of his many charming grins—one that you adore so much—in reassurance, throwing in a thumbs up as he put his right foot forward. You did just the same, only breaking his gaze when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder.

You turned to one of the crew who handed you a Glock filled with blanks, a soft thanks escaping your lips followed by a deep intake of breath. You closed your eyes before exhaling slowly, clenching and unclenching your fist around the gun as you slowly slipped into character.

The two of you were undercover agents, partners turned recent lovers to be specific. The start of the scene was that you've just managed to get Tom out from his unfortunate capture, the abandoned warehouse where he was kept and you just escaped from, situated behind. You've managed to take out all the guys in the warehouse together but you have no idea if someone had called in backup so it was needed and safer to get as far away from the place as soon as possible. Hence why you two are going to be running from point A to B. But once you reach point B, then the scene happens.

"Ready and action!"

You took on a sprint, chest heaving as you kept looking back to make sure Tom was following. He was running just loosely behind you, a slight limp in his movements given that he isn't in the best of conditions due to the kidnapping.

"Come on!" You slowed down a little to wait for him, offering out a hand for him to take. He was so close to reaching it when his gaze shifted from your hand to somewhere behind you, eyes widening at the sight.

"Look out!" Tom exclaimed, hand quick to grab your outstretched one to pull you into his body. Both his arms wrapped around you tightly as he turned around in one swift motion so that your places were now switched. Then you heard five deafening gun shots, Tom's body jerking the same number of times before he slowly leaned forwards, his body getting heavier as his weight slowly rested more on you.

"No!" you shrieked, one hand wrapping around his torso as you lifted the other one hurriedly to aim your gun at the armed person behind him, pulling the trigger a couple of times to let loose of the blanks. You heard a thud next, an indication that the person has been taken care of.

Tom's whole body slumped, you struggling to hold his weight as he gradually slipped from your grasp, your heart beating rapidly against your chest when you felt something damp coat your fingers that were rested on his back. Your gaze landed on his face with wide eyes, calling out his character's name a few times as you tried your best to let him down on the pavement as gently as you can manage.

Tears welled up in your orbs, your throat closing up as you kneeled beside his body, anxiously checking to see what was wrong even though you already knew that everything was wrong. You took off your jacket hurriedly, bunching it up and placing it under his head for support. A sharp pain squeezed at your heart at the sight of him struggling to breathe, coughing out blood while he willed his eyes to stay open, his white shirt slowly turning crimson.

"No, no, no," you croaked, letting go of the gun to cup his face, fingers trembling as you tried to keep his head steady. Frantically, you reached into your pocket with your free, blood-covered, shaking hand, taking out the phone and hastily dialed zero to send out a distress signal.

Tom lets out a groan laced with pain as his eyes scanned your face, muttering out your character's name to get your attention, voice barely audible.

"Yeah, I'm here, I'm right here," you whispered as you met his brown orbs, a soft smile on your lips as you dropped the phone so you can tend to him with both hands. You brushed away the hair that managed to stick on his sweat-littered forehead, his blood from your hand tainting his crown, not the best of sights to see.

Tom's eyes started to gloss up as he kept letting out ragged breaths. You let out a broken sob as the heartrending sound filled up your ears, squeezing agonizingly at each vein in your heart. "S-Stay with me, please," you stammered, his skin turning a bit colder against your warm palm, your breathing turning shallow as you struggled to keep your own self together.

"Help! Please help!" you wailed, looking around the empty place frantically before your gaze landed back on the man in your arms, life slowly slipping from his grasp. "You're going to be okay," you repeated over and over, unsure if the words were said to reassure him or yourself.

The feeling of your jeans getting wet at the knees from the blood that pooled on the ground made you let out a broken cry of despair, eyes scanning his body for only a moment, the sight of red making you want to hurl. And you were too scared to look away from his eyes for far too long, scared that things will take a drastic turn in a split second.

Slowly, weakly, Tom lifted a hand up to cup your damp cheek, thumb caressing your skin as a small, tired smile made its way onto his lips. This made you cry even harder, your nimble fingers curling around his wrist, turning your head slightly for a second to give his palm a warm kiss.

"R-Remember when I-I said I'd t-take a bullet for y-you?" he sputtered, though the smile on his lips was still there, charming as always, his thumb capturing the tear that escaped your eye before it could have the chance to land on your skin.

You bit your bottom lip to suppress a whimper, shaking your head at his ability to make light of the situation. You let out a shaky breath. "I do, I remember. To prove how much I mean to you even when it's not necessary."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, running his thumb over your cheek, a few tears escaping his eyes as he scanned your gorgeous face distorted in utter distress, as he stared at the pain that glowed inside your beautiful orbs.

"N-No, there's nothing to apologize," you breathed out, your thumb grazing the apples of his cheeks as you stared right into those brown eyes you've grown to adore and more. "You saved me," you sobbed, flashing him a small smile laced with gratitude. "You saved me."

Tom nodded slowly with a hum, eyes staring right back at yours with the utmost adoration coating them, although in a few short seconds, it was quick to be replaced by worry. "You n-need to g-go," he hissed in pain, his hand grabbing your wrist to try and pry you away from him. It still wasn't safe to stay and he wanted nothing more than for you to be as far from harm, well and alive.

"No! I'm not leaving you here," you protested, a sob tied at the end of your sentence as you took his hand and placed it back on your cheek. And he held it there, channeling all the strength he had left for him to feel your skin for a couple moments more. "Help is on the way just, s-stay with me," you croaked.

Tom's breathing started to turn labored, his head falling back gradually as there was not much strength left for him to keep it still. "Hey! h-hey, look at me," you rushed, command in your tone as you went to hold his face with both hands, keeping his head steady only to see that his eyes were slowly fluttering close. "Keep those eyes open! Keep those eyes open," you said through gritted teeth, your man listening to your voice that was filled with desperation as he met your gaze again.

"P-Promise me—" Tom interrupted himself with a cough of blood, letting out a soft groan before his eyes were back on yours. "Promise me, y-you'll find h-happiness."

"N-no, don't say that, you're going to be okay." You shook your head desperately with a whimper.

"Promise me," he repeated, voice firmer this time.

Your bottom lip trembled. "I promise, just h-hold on, p-please," you choked. "Somebody! Please h-help! Please!" you yelled at the top of your lungs, urgently looking towards nothing, a sob following suit as your voice broke, hope slowly leaving you.

"H-hey, sweetheart, l-look at me," Tom called out as he tapped your cheek weakly. A whimper escaped your lips as you met his gaze once again, the emotion that shined in them so clear as day. He knows that it was time, and the certain look he was giving you made you understood. Although, you still shook your head in pure denial, muttering protests after protests under your breath as you gave his hand that rested on your cheek a tight squeeze while you kept the other steady on his face, horrified to let go even for a split second for he might be gone when you do.

"I love you," Tom breathed out, voice soft but the truth loud and clear. It was the first time he had uttered those three words, and you so wished it was done in a much, much more different circumstance. You leaned down to swiftly capture his lips in a bitter-sweet kiss, a sigh coming out of him only to be mirrored by a soft cry from you.

"I love you too, oh so much," you whispered to no one but him and him only, pulling away to meet his eyes, a certain glow now coating them at the sound of those lovely words filling up his ears. A satisfied smile made its way onto Tom's lips, his eyes locked with yours, glowing with utmost love.

But as Tom took in one deep, sharp breath, you held yours, only letting it out in a form of an excruciating sob once he completely stilled in your arms. His hand slowly slipped away from your face until it fell limp on his side, his chest laying flat, no more sign of any movement.

"No, no, no," you cried, tapping his cheek to get him to move again but to no avail. You shook your head frantically, your tears blurring your vision some more, heart in your throat as the droplets coated his face at a faster pace. "No! P-Please!" you screamed, cupping his face with trembling hands, letting go for a moment to hold his shoulder, shaking him harder in utter anguish. "C-Come back! P-Please! Come back to m-me." Your fingers found its way back to rest on his cheeks as you choked in short breaths, his eyes wide open but already dimmed, those bright, brown beautiful eyes somewhat turned gray.

"Don't leave me please," You croaked out, voice now hoarse from all the crying you've done. "I can't live without you. Please, come back to me," you whispered one last time, taking a few seconds more to stare at his face, looking at him as a flicker of hope coated your eyes for a split second before it completely died out. You dropped your head onto his chest and let out deep, broken sobs, choking in sharp breaths in between each sound that only made things more heart wrenching to hear.

It was so hard for Tom to keep his own tears at bay, a stinging, horrible feeling gripping at his chest as you cried your heart out. To watch the absolute hurt across your beautiful features, the desperation on trying to "bring him back" was too much of a painful sight to see. If he had a choice he would've opted on closing his eyes, but Jessica had specific instructions to keep them open, to make it more realistic, more effective in a sense that it would pull at the viewer's heartstrings a bit more.

But my God it was so hard to watch you be in so much pain and lay completely still, the heartbreaking sound of your sobs, the way you begged, it was absolute torture, especially when he can't do anything about it just yet. And the way your touch was frantic, desperate, it was hurting his heart harshly, agonizingly and he so badly wanted it to end because he can't take any more of just watching you go through so much pain. But most especially, he wanted it to end for your sake.

At the sound of your own cries, lungs burning with your head pounding, ears ringing, chest too tight and filled with utmost pain, you didn't even notice Jessica call out cut. The moment you knew it was all done was when you felt strong arms wrapping around your form that was still shaking with sobs.

"Hey, hey it's okay, it's over darling," Tom rushed as he sat up quickly, prying you away gently so you could meet his eyes. It broke his heart to pieces when he saw the hurt that still coated your orbs, though he was glad to see the relief slowly seeping back in once you blinked away the tears. You finally snapped out of it once you were able to take a good look at him, your bottom lip trembling as you tilted your head to the side, as if to examine if he was actually real. "I'm okay, see?" Tom hummed, voice gentle as he took both your hands and placed one on each of his cheeks, his skin warm against your touch. "I'm here my love."

All you could do was nod with a breath of relief, body falling forwards so you could sink into his arms, not a care in the world about the fake blood that drenched him. You just needed to be close to him.

Tom sighed as he pulled you tighter in his embrace, pressing his warm lip against your crown in the process. "Breath my darling angel, it's over," he murmured, followed by sweet nothings as his hand ran up and down your back comfortingly, your breathing slowly growing calmer at the tender sound of his voice.

You stayed like that on the ground for a minute, Tom only pulling away slightly when he heard footsteps approaching. "Do we need another take?" he asked dreadfully as he saw Jessica make her way over. He desperately didn't want you to go through that all again but it was out of his control. And if another take was needed, he's going to have to ask for an hour break, for your sake.

You lifted your head up just in time to see Jessica shake her head no, gesturing towards the both of you as satisfaction coated her face. "It's already the best for me. I mean, they call you two the one-take-wonder duo for a reason. And I've got tears in the crews' eyes to further prove my point." With a knowing look, she added, "But you two can watch it back if you like."

Tom turned to you, hand going up to wipe the couple more tears that littered your skin, touch sweet and reassuring. "Do you want to?" he asked softly.

You gave out a small nod. "Yeah, maybe I can do things better," you sniffled.

Tom scoffed loudly at that, gawking at you with wide eyes, taking full offence of your own words for you. "Are you kidding me? That was already amazing," he stressed. "Quit being so overly critical of yourself, darling," he added, taking both your hands in his comfortingly.

"Thank you bubba," you whispered, looking at him with an adorable pout, eyes glowing with the utmost gratitude that Tom felt his heart melt ten times over, especially with the nickname.

He flashed you a bright smile. "Now, let's get you off this wet floor." And that he did as he helped you up, pulling you in for another warm hug once you've got your feet under you.

Crew members quickly crowded you both as they helped you out of the now wet hoodie and coat, giving you each some water and two big, black warm jackets to compensate for the cold. You and Tom then made your way over to the director's chair right after.

You now stood beside Tom in front of the monitor as they started to play the clip back. Both your arms were fully wrapped around him, cheek pressed up against his chest as he slung his arm over your shoulder. His heart was turning soft at how adorable you were being, although he felt a sense of worry as well, since it seemed like you were scared to be too far away from him.

Even when they were fussing around the two of you, he saw how you kept giving him a glance, like you were scared to let him out of your sight. And once they were done, you were quick to grab his hand, as if you didn't want to feel the absence of his touch for far too long. So, he made sure to keep you as close as he can, giving you random kisses and squeezes in comfort from time to time, to reassure your mind that he was, in fact, here.

"Whew, look at you go," Tom praised, staring in pure awe at the monitor as he rewatched your performance, giving your arm a loving squeeze with a kiss on the forehead to match. "You make me look so talentless, love."

"Shut up," you said in pure disagreement given that his performance was breathtaking just as always. He did make things more real, made it hurt even more the way he portrayed dying so well. Your own performance improved because of his. As said in the beginning, you two just bounce off each other so well.

You peeked at the monitor for only short moments as you can't bear to watch it back fully, snuggling into him every once in a while with your eyes fluttering close. Tom was quick to notice this, giving you another peck on the forehead to remind you that it was okay, that things were alright. You hummed at his sweet gesture, squeezing his torso lovingly in return.

"Damn," Tom gushed once the clip ended, wiping away the stray tear that slipped with the back of his hand before turning to you with nothing but utter pride in his eyes. "And the Oscar goes to..."

"Stop," you whined, burying your face on his chest shyly, prompting a hearty chuckle from him.

"One-take-wonder duo I tell you," Jessica admired, giving you both claps on the back before she lifted up her megaphone. "That's a wrap everyone!"

Loud cheers and applause filled the air, Tom giving you a tight, warm hug as you both slowly relaxed in each other's embrace, glad that the day was almost over. You then made your way to where your teams were sat. Both of you were quick to notice how most of them were smiling proudly at the two of you with a bit of shine in their eyes.

"Harry," Tom gasped as soon as his brother came into view, Harry's face red with a faint sniffle coming out of him. "Were you crying?"

"No," the young lad grumbled, turning away in hopes to hide the way he wiped his face but still failing miserably.

"Oh Harry come here," Tom lets go of you for a moment to tackle his brother in a bear hug, making smooching noises as the older sibling tried to give the other a kiss on the cheek, Harry squirming like his life depended on it. You couldn't help the soft laugh from escaping your lips at the sight of the two boys, Tom's head perking up at the sound, a bit of relief coating his features as he tilted his head at you with a smile of his own.

"Get off you div," Harry groaned, pushing Tom away playfully, the older lad laughing before pulling away from him. "It's not my fault you two made it look so real. I genuinely thought Tom died for a second."

"Aw, thanks bro—"

"Correction, Y/N made it so real. The moment you started crying," Harry paused, blowing out his cheeks with a shake of his head, turning to you with both hands up in surrender. "I went."

"Thank you Harry." You shot the young lad a tired but grateful smile, giving him a quick but lovely hug.

"I'll let that pass for now because I do agree," Tom said, shooting his brother a playful glare before he made his way back to you, arms taking home around your waist as he looked at you adoringly. "You were incredible my love."

You smiled at him, leaning closer so you could give him a sweet kiss, just to show more of your gratitude. Tom hummed in pure satisfaction against your lips, giving your waist a tender squeeze before pulling away.

"Let's wrap up the day shall we?"

With that, the two of you made your way over to the wardrobe trailers to get out of the dirty work clothes and into comfier ones. Once out of the trailer, you now wore a pair of black leggings and Tom's pink hoodie to which he insisted on letting you wear over your tank top, given that it was starting to get colder out. He, on the other hand, wore his black sweatpants and a tight maroon t-shirt, handsome as ever but the make up on his face—the bruises, cuts, fake blood—were a bit of a distraction, feeding more thoughts to your still troubled mind.

"Come here, love." Tom beckoned you over once he noticed how you stared at him with a certain look in your eyes and a matching frown. His warm hands found yours, pulling you closer to him so he can give you loving kisses all over your face, all sloppy, loud and sweet. He only stopped when he was satisfied with the little giggles that escaped your lips. "Stop thinking too much, darling."

You flashed him a smile, nodding to say that you understood. "Are you not cold?" you asked in concern, slight guilt swimming in your orbs given that you somewhat stole his hoodie. Tom chuckled with a shake of his head, slinging his arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to his side as you then made your way to the make-up trailers.

"As long you're here beside me? My human heater? Never."

***

It was finally time to get back to the hotel.

You and Tom sat at the very back of the van, your head rested on his shoulder while his head rested atop of yours. You've been nothing but silent the whole ride, Tom not pestering you much because he knows you were drained to the bone. He just gave you occasional squeezes on the thigh, his fingers sometimes drumming some random beat just to distract you a little for what was going on inside your mind.

The moment your shared hotel room door closed, lock clicking in the process, Tom dropped your bags on the floor with the loudest sigh of relief.

"Shower together?" Tom offered with a wriggle of his brows, jokingly of course as there was no malice in his intent. You both were too tired for it, a simple shower would suffice.

A sweet smile made its way onto your lips as you nodded, taking up on his offer.

Tom moved over to you to give you a short kiss, mumbling a 'wait here' against your lips before pulling away and disappearing into the bathroom. He came back out not long after sporting nothing but his black boxers, beckoning you over with an open palm to which you gladly took. Hot steam met your skin as you stepped inside the en suite, Tom stopping by the sink as he turned to face you.

"Arms up," he said, your brows furrowing in confusion but you did as told anyway. Once you have both hands in the air, Tom took hold of the hem of your—his—hoodie and lifted it up your body, a pout making its way onto your lips once it was off. He gave your jutted out lip a peck, chuckling at the slight confusion on your face before he went to take your tank top off next.

"I'm not a baby anymore Tom. And I didn't lose any limbs," you pointed out with a soft giggle, top-half now naked in front of him

"Says who? As far as I know, you're still my baby." He shrugged, hooking his fingers on the hem of your leggings and pulling them down—along with your underwear—until he was squatted on the floor. He tapped your thigh lightly, silently telling you to lift each leg up one by one so he can take off the fabric fully. Now, you were left completely bare for him. You looked down at your man and shot him a pointed look, Tom meeting your gaze through his eyelashes as he lets out a sweet chuckle.

"Just let me take care of you love, you've had a long day," he hummed, giving each of your thighs a chaste kiss before he stood back up to his full height. He just wanted to let other things occupy your mind instead, didn't want you to sit too long and think about the scene you just did. Plus, he really did want to just take care of you, to show you the utmost love and affection as you deserve nothing but all and more, especially after today.

Another sweet kiss landed on your lips before he got rid of his boxers next, taking your hand soon after as he guided you inside the glass shower box, pulling you right under the hot water. And take care of you was exactly what he did as he helped you wash up as well. You've told him a couple of times how he was being a bit much, especially when he stole the loofa off your hands to do it himself, shampooed and conditioned your hair. But he simply repeated the same thing over and over:

"Just let me take care of you."

A few more giggles and chuckles with a couple sprinkles of making-out later, you two got out of the shower and dried up. Then after that, Tom gave you one of his shirts to wear—paired with only your panties—and helped you blow dry your hair so you could take a quick nap, an easy breezy task for him since it was not the first time. He's done it before on various occasions.

Once you were soundlessly asleep—after a few more kisses from him as he tucked you in because yes, your boyfriend is extra—Tom took it upon himself to order in some food, that way you'd have something to eat when you wake up, knowing that you probably wouldn't want to go anywhere to have a meal. He sent Harry a text in the process saying that the two of you would be staying in for the night in case the team wanted to go out for dinner.

In his gray sweats and white t-shirt, Tom sat down on the couch right by the window near your side of the bed, pulling out his computer to get a bit of work done while he waits. He didn't want to risk waking you up by slipping in beside you, didn't want to disturb your blissful sleep.

He kept giving you glances from time to time, just to check up on you, his heart growing bigger whenever he does so. Warmth just spreads across his chest each time he sees your beautiful face with nothing but slumber and peace coating your features.

The food arrived about thirty minutes later, Tom setting his laptop down to open the door, room service strolling in with fresh and hot food. He closed the door after he tipped the guy generously, walking over to the table to take some chips off the plate, humming at the wonderful taste.

Opting on letting you sleep for a couple minutes more, Tom went back over to the couch. But just as he was about to sit back down, he heard you let out a troubled groan in your sleep. Surely enough when his gaze landed on you, your face was now contorted in pure distress, brows knitted together as you shifted on the bed, one hand desperately clinging on the pillow while the other on the white sheets.

"Tom!" you yelped and bolted straight up, eyes frantic and chest heaving as you looked around the room for him.

"Hey! Hey." Tom was by your side in an instant, the bed dipping as he sat down, his hands cupping your face gently to make you look at him straight in the eyes. "Darling, hi, I'm here," he whispered with a sweet smile, heart aching at the sight of fear and the fresh sets of tears that now coated your eyes.

Your bottom lip trembled as you stared at him for a couple seconds, moving closer towards him so you could bury yourself in his arms. "I'm sorry," you mumbled against his chest, both your arms wrapping around his torso as you let out uneven, shaky breaths.

"Nothing to apologise for angel. It was just a nightmare," he murmured, rubbing your back sweetly as he swayed you side to side. "It's okay, you're okay." He held you like that for as long as you needed, whispering sweet nothings into your ear in hopes that it'll help you calm down. Tom only loosened his hold around when you softly pulled away, breathing now calmer, sniffling close to none.

"Want to watch a movie while we eat? The chips are really good," he said, both hands now holding your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks tenderly as he wiped away the little tears that sat on your skin. "Spider-Man: Far From Home so we can nitpick and criticize my performance together?" he added jokingly, earning a soft giggle from you as you nodded.

With half of the food gone, you were well into fifteen minutes of the movie. There were a couple of pauses done of course. Now you were snuggled up cozily beside him, your head on his chest as he rested his back against the stacked pillows. He had one arm over your shoulder to keep you close, fingers grazing up and down your arm soothingly while his eyes were set on the screen in front, his warmth comforting you in more ways than one.

The whole pole sequence in Venice was when he felt you start to shift in his arms, a shaky breath coming out of you when you saw him hit that wall as he got drenched in water. And then you spoke,

"Tom, what if—"

"Stop it right now and don't even finish your sentence," he scolded, already knowing where you were going with this. You pulled away from his embrace and sat up straighter just so you could have a full look at him, a deep frown already on your lips.

"You do your own stunts," was all that you said, but Tom already knew what you meant by it, didn't need you to explain further.

With a sigh, he sat up as well, touch tender as he ran it up and down your arms. "Darling, I am being careful with the stunts, you know that. And when it's something too dangerous, you also know that I refuse to do it," he said. "Plus, you're right there to stop me when I'm pushing myself too hard. You're looking out for me too, my love."

Even though you gave him a nod, Tom saw how that still didn't ease your mind, saw it clear in your eyes. He couldn't blame you either knowing how that scene made you think the worse of thoughts. He understood you completely, knowing that if the roles were switched, he would be behaving just the same if not much worse with how overprotective he is of you. He'd probably wrap you in a bubble to be honest, to make sure you're as far away from harm as possible and that nothing was going to happen to you.

"Come here," he hummed, taking your hands and pulling you close until you were straddling his lap, giving your fingers warm kisses before he placed them, flat against his cheeks. Tom's warm palms found their way under his shirt that you wore, settling his hands right on your waist, his thumb running over the swell of your belly fondly, skin touching skin, makes you feel much closer to him.

Tom gaped up at you with nothing but absolute love in his eyes, a glow that's made your heart grow warmer, a look that's added more sincerity to his words. "Nothing's going to happen to me okay? You're going to be stuck with this very handsome face for a long, long time."

You giggled at that, dipping your head so you could capture his lips in a kiss filled with the rawest of emotions from gratitude, happiness, adoration, passion, love. Tom didn't need words for him to know that you were thankful for him, that you were so happy to have him in your life, he can already feel it. Your actions will always speak louder volumes, justifying all the emotions you needed to get across that simple words never could.

With a satisfied groan, Tom pulled you even closer, his hands snaking up your bare back, your shirt hiking up at his action. He felt up your warm skin deliberately, touch driven with passion as he nibbled on your bottom lip, wanting to taste more of you. You happily obliged with a soft moan, your fingers treading through his slightly damp curls as you welcomed him in. And Tom made his presence known through his touch, to remind you that he is here with you, that he will always be here, and that he is—

"Not going anywhere."

-:-:-:-:-

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isaac-lahey-imagines · 3 years

Text

Imagine #70 | Request #31 (Part 3/3 of Isaac Lahey x Alpha!Reader)

Catch up here: Part 1, Part 2 (might need to rewrite these two though)

Can I just say that you guys who stuck with this blog (and the Wattpad imagines) are the best? And to think I haven't posted in years and we've hit 6k+ followers when I came back?! I don't even know how you people are still here and loving the pieces I put out when I'm here cringing over the old works back in 2015!

Warnings: The usual when it comes to the Teen Wolf series, specifically the Dread Doctors' season, mentions of blood, bones breaking, drugs, needles, a few curse words, idk if this is angst? whump?

Word Count: 6k+ (it's probably the longest I've written omg)

Not much of a flashback or backstory (I'm out of words, I can't squeeze anymore juices out of my brain, my bad). As usual, this is note beta-ed and sorry for any mistakes! English isn't my first language :(

“No more, please,” weak cries fell on deaf ears as you were dragged down from one hall to another, the smell of disinfectant and rust overpowering your already sensitive nose and magnifying the headache that was present from when you took a beating earlier.

The sound of bare flesh skidding on the polished floor bounced off the walls as you tried to pull away and run from your captors, you did not care of the stinging sensation that radiated from the pads of your feet - the open wounds left untreated by the people who kept you in hopes that whatever was inside of you can take care of it on its own.

You were repulsed at the thought of them still being considered as people after what they have put you through - they were monsters.

“Just a little more, my dear.” One of the figures that held your arm sneered, the grip on your bicep tightening making you clench your jaw. You internally scoffed at this knowing well that it won’t be ‘just a little more’ with how long and how frequent it happened and will happen.

“She should be able to go through another round.” A voice, deeper than the feminine one from earlier, spoke up as you entered through the heavy double doors of a room - an operating theater you guessed from the setup. “Prep her.”

“Her vitals are stronger now.” The third person declared, their fingers flipping through the pages of the clipboard in their hands before glancing towards the monitor to one side of the room - an image of your anatomy on display with different colors corresponding to each system in your body.

“The less you struggle the faster this will be.” One of the doctors, the Geneticist, who dragged you to this hell hole hummed as she was met with resistance on your end while she strapped you down on the cold metal table, the leather rubbing your already raw skin.

Her patience with you was at a limit, she was close to just ending it - ending you. But they have already achieved so much with their craft that it would be such a waste of time and resource to start from square one.

“Remember,” The Pathologist warned as he walked closer to you once you were settled down. “The louder you scream, the more blood we take from you.”

The tears that fell from your eyes to the sides of your face tickled your ears at the threat, small whimpers coming from you were ignored.

“Might I remind you that the btch wakes up?” The Geneticist interrupted, irritation in her voice as she steadied your shaking right hand before inserting an IV cannula in a vein at the back of your hand and taping it in place. Looking up to her left, she reached for the device below one of the two bags that hung on the pole and unclamped its tube letting the mix of anxiolytic, hypnotic, and anticonvulsant start to flow down to you. She then turned her attention to the other bag beside it, a mix of amnestic, and myorelaxant drugs, and did the same - a near-perfect cocktail mix they specifically designed for you.

She reminded the other doctors that no matter how much benzos, relaxants, or other drug concoctions they pump in your veins, you will wake up in between operations screaming your head off while attempting to break free of the hold you are currently in. “No matter how much sedatives we put in her, her wolf is too strong-”

“It’s an animal-” The Surgeon spoke up.

“She’s an alpha, a pure one-” She argued again, almost growling at the hard-headedness of her co-doctors before she was cut off by the same person.

“An animal.” He spoke in finality. “We are humans - gods even! We are at the very top of the damned food chain.”

The room suddenly fell silent, your whimpers, the beeping of a monitor, and the hum of the machines somewhere in the room were the only things that could be heard as you started to feel the effects of the fluids injected into you.

The tension you felt from earlier began to leave your body just as your vision started getting cloudy, your eyelids feeling heavier by the minute. You didn’t notice the Pathologist holding up a syringe to the light, flicking the bubbles away with his middle finger and thumb a few times before the taste of rubber invaded your mouth with such force that hurt your lips, gums, and teeth.

The Surgeon that was above you, blocking the light for a few moments, had shoved the mouth guard in before he continued securing your head in the metal gear positioned above you. Your neck followed suit with a hard metal clamp attached to the table effectively locking you in place and soon, your whole body was completely immobilized with a loud click from the double lock clamps.

The tears continued to flow down the sides of your face as you fought the sleepiness, praying for this to just end. The dread of what is to come overwhelming you and making your body shake as much as the drugs and table’s hold on you would allow.

“I’m surprised the smart one hasn’t figured it out yet.” They exchanged small talk over your muffled screams as soon as you felt the sharp sting of a needle puncturing your skin and into your cervical spine; expelling whatever it was they created into your system for the nth time. Your ears hurt from the ringing in your head while your throat burned as the pain from the syringe radiated all over your body.

“I’m surprised her mate hasn’t.” The Geneticist replied with emphasis.

“My friends, let us not be complacent.” Their leader ended their conversation as he now concentrated on looking at the x-ray on the monitor showing the movement of the serum as it spread in you.

“We continue our routine - clean her up, wipe her to an extent and then return her. ” He added as he pushed more of the liquid in you with a press of a button by your head.

“Marcel, they will know, soon enough.” She pointed out. “She will start to have withdrawals if-”

“We won’t let that happen.”

Sneakers skidding on the floor as everyone seemed to scramble out of the way towards the door, eyes wide with fear looking at the figure in front of them.

“Y/N?”

“Alpha?”

Isaac watched as the massive wolf in front of them let out a deep growl with its teeth bared at the people that called her attention, the fur on her back and chest standing up making her look even bigger than she already is.

“Y/N,” Isaac knew that Deaton was the best person to handle all kinds of supernatural cases, hence, the title of Emissary to their pack. “It’s Deaton.”

Letting out another growl as you licked your lips, your tail flicked lowly behind you as your eyes darted to each person present in the room before landing back to one in particular who was too close for comfort.

“Y/N, hey,” His voice sounded softer, it almost made you feel a sense of comfort until his hand reached out to you and made you snap back and almost bite it off.

This instinctively made Scott pull Isaac back by his shirt to a safe distance, struggling a bit in his grasp as the beta did not want to be moved further away from you despite the situation.

“Isaac, move back,” Deaton warned when he noticed that the curly-haired werewolf was not backing down, a hand gesturing for him to move away from you. “She’s scared.”

“No, Deaton, she heard me. She’s there - Y/N,” Isaac argued before turning his attention back to you again, blue eyes already glassy as tears filled the rim of his eyes. “She heard me.”

Isaac tried to hold on to the hope that you were present underneath the wolf because he was sure he saw that familiar glimmer that was distinctly you.

Just as he attempted to reach out to you again with a whisper of your name on his lips, the same frequency you heard before rang in your ears making you seize up and drop to the ground.

“Agh! What is that?” Liam winced as his hands reached up to his head to cover his ears, eyes scrunching shut as he tried to will away the incessant ringing.

“What’s what?” Mason asked with confusion etched on his face as he looked at his friend then to Stiles and the others, the werewolves in the room in particular, doing the same.

Isaac did not care for the ringing he heard, witnessing you looking like you were being kicked or beaten as you struggled to stand up, the sound of pained screams, whines, and whimpers coming out of you pulled at his heart making him drop to his knees beside you.

His hands hovered over your form trying to figure out what to do while he avoided getting scratched by the large clawed paws that writhed with your body, Scott and Thor doing the same and looking over you trying to see where exactly were you hurting.

“Deaton,” Isaac called as he carefully placed his hand on your shoulder before hissing - you were burning up and the black color that coursed through his veins upon touching you wreaked of disease. “Deaton what do we do?!”

“What is that?” Thor asked in bewilderment as he saw what was happening with Isaac’s arms.

“Hold her still as much as you can,” The vet’s voice was calm despite the mess, going to one of the counters in the room and asking Stiles and Mason for assistance as he tried to collect what sounded like glass vials from the way it clinked in their hold.

Isaac heard Thor mutter an apology to his alpha as he tried to hold your hind legs down as much as he can, Scott doing the same by your torso and Isaac by your neck.

“Y/N,” Isaac continued to call for you as he tried to hold your front legs down. “It’s Isaac, baby - it’s me.”

“Hurry!” Scott called to Deaton as his eyes scrunched and a sheen of sweat already present on their foreheads, the ringing still present in their ears making it difficult for them to concentrate.

Just as Deaton returned and knelt by your side, carrying a stainless steel tray that contained what looked like multiple large syringes in it, the static ringing noise started to get louder making the supernatural beings in the room let out a pained groan and lose their grip on you.

It grew too much too quickly to bear, causing the lights and windows above your heads to shatter and engulf the room in darkness. As everyone ducked for cover, Isaac stayed by your side and tried to shield you from the onslaught of sharp glass descending on you.

It took a few moments before the ringing stopped and the feel of cold air entered the room, snapping them back to their senses as their eyes opened at the smell of blood it carried with it.

Isaac immediately sat up as he felt the cold tiled floor and not your warm body underneath him.

“Y/N,” was all he said before he sprinted out of the room, the others following behind him.

“How did she get out?” He heard Stiles behind him once they reached the outside of the clinic, Thor already looking around the perimeter of the establishment for any signs of you.

Isaac’s brain was running a hundred miles at what he saw and what had just happened inside, his lips quivering as he ran his hands through his hair and pulling at the roots in frustration. He sniffled as he tried to stop the tears from running down his cheeks with the heels of his hands. Exhaling, he closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing before turning to Scott.

“She’s not gone,” his alpha spoke, already reassuring him. “We’re going to find her.”

Just before Isaac could reply and shoot down the optimism his alpha had, a car screeched to a halt in front of them.

“Where is she?!” Lydia asked as she got out of the driver’s side, a frantic look in her bloodshot eyes.

“Hey, hey, what happened?” Stiles was immediately by her side, cupping her face in his hands. But Lydia only moved out of the way and turned to Isaac and asked again.

“We don’t know where she is. She disappeared right before Deaton -” Lydia was close to tears again as she groaned in frustration.

“They can’t get her back.” She said, sounding more of a beg as her voice shook a little.

Everyone in front of her stopped what they were doing and looked at the Banshee.

“Who’s they? And where do you think Y/N is?” Stiles asked before a few seconds later, realization hit him.

It was on the way to Eichen House that Lydia explained everything she saw that made her break all the traffic laws implemented in Beacon Hills just to rush to the vet clinic. Isaac could not shake the feeling that Lydia, a banshee – a herald of death, had visions of you in his arms already in eternal slumber. His wolf broke more than a little as she spoke more of what she saw, only a few words registering to him – Y/N, doctors, experiment, and torture.

Everything was a flash for Isaac now, he did not even realize that they were now in a tunnel under the mental facility planning on who was going where.

But once their strategy was laid out, Isaac wasted no time in trying to locate even the faintest of your scent in the damp and moldy tunnel he was walking through. He heard Stiles and Lydia speaking on the phone in his pocket that they'd found an office that had files strewn everywhere – files that specifically contained information about you and what they have done with you so far.

“Any luck finding her?” Lydia asked as Isaac heard papers being flipped on the other end of the line.

“Nope, not yet,” Liam replied.

“No, she’s not here.” Thor was next then Scott, all claiming to find only empty rooms and dungeons.

“Isaac?” Lydia asked after not hearing from him.

“None,” he answered, sounding defeated as he rounded another corner with you nowhere in sight.

Isaac could hear collective sighs as they continued their searches, his ears already drowning out what Lydia and Stiles were doing - occasionally spitting out questions of why’s as they continued to browse through what they found in the files.

His breathing became labored as his mind started to play tricks on him the further we walked down the tunnel, the source of light slowly fading the deeper he went.

Just as he was about to turn another corner, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. He felt as though soft fingertips touched him, making his skin crawl as he turned around quickly only to find an empty space. But as he directed his attention to the other corner of the room, the colors on his face drained.

Amidst the mess of metal chains and torn blankets, Isaac watched closely as the figure on the floor took a raspy breath, eyes moving behind closed lids, lips mumbling incoherent words.

“Y/N?” Isaac slowly approached, the other members of the pack on the other line calling for his attention and asking if they heard him call your name.

At the sound of your name being called, your body went rigid. Your eyes flew open, widening as you saw a shadowy figure in front of you moving closer.

“Please, no more.” Your voice cracked from the overuse as you begged, the sound of heavy metal clinking together echoed in the empty room as you backed away slowly. “I’m sorry! I won’t do it again, please!”

Your frame quivered as you continued to plead, sweat mixed with blood trickled down your body as you attempted to make yourself smaller against the corner of the cell; failing from the sudden pain on the back of your neck that restricted you to move any further away from where you were.

“Y/N, it’s Isaac. I’m not going to hurt you.” Isaac ignored the voices over the phone calling for him, asking if he really found you. “You’re safe now, they’re not going to hurt you.”

Isaac almost expected for you to cower further away from him, but you didn’t – instead, you relaxed a little as his hand landed on the small of your back and the other on your shoulder effectively pulling you into an embrace.

As Isaac felt you release a breath before melting against his chest, his scent effectively calmed you down as your wolf recognized her other half. You both stayed like that for a while before he went back to examining you and what was behind you, more so what was attached to you.

Now, more diligent in his movements, his hands hovered over what seemed to be a tube attached to the back of your neck. He shifted in his kneeling position, careful not to jostle you, before taking his phone from his pocket.

“Something’s attached to her, I need to get it off-.” He informed more to Stiles and Lydia than to others present on the call.

“Don’t!” Lydia exclaimed, panicked at what Isaac was planning. “Not yet.”

“But she’s already hurting!” Isaac’s hands returned to your shoulder and back, holding you closer - as close as the tube permitted.

“That’s connected to her spine, Isaac,” Stiles added, warning him of what might happen. “If you remove it you might do some serious damage here.”

His attention turned back to you when he heard you whimper his name.

You were testing to see if Isaac was really there with you or if you were merely hallucinating again, not sure anymore of what was real after everything that happened to you for the past few years.

“Isaac?”

“Hi,” he smiled down when he pulled away from you a little, his voice shaking as he cupped your face in his hands. “I’m here.”

Your eyes focused on his face, blinking a few times before-

“No.”

That, he did not expect.

“No, no, no.” You mumbled repeatedly making Isaac more confused- were you not happy or relieved to see him with you?

“You shouldn’t be here.” As you came to your senses, you moved out of his grasp and pushed him away at the same time with the little strength you have left.

“Y/N, we came here for you. What are you talking about?” Isaac was hurt, you can see it in his face the way his brows furrowed and eyes already releasing a few tears down his cheeks.

Before you could answer back, the same ringing sounded again.

“Isaac, you have to go, please.” You cried, your own tears flowing down your cheek as you tried to pry his hands that held on to your wrists away, wanting to get out of his hold on you all the while fighting the heavy ache in your body to turn against your own will.

“Isaac, you have to get out of there!” You can hear Stiles over the phone, can hear Scott and the others running to where your werewolf was located.

“I’m not leaving her,” Isaac growled at them but his eyes stayed on you.

“You have to, plea-”

“Y/N!”

A blood-curdling scream left your lips as your body started to tremble on the floor, your bones were visibly breaking and morphing under your skin against your will yet again. The jagged edges of the broken bones breaking through skin and the movement causing purple and blue patches to decorate your flesh, all the while the liquid inside the tube that was still attached to you bubbled angrily.

“Isaac!”

Turning to the person who called his name, he suddenly felt himself being tugged down to the floor as the sound of electricity zipping past them blasted onto the steel bars of a small window on the wall overcame your pained screams.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” the static voice called.

“It’s the Dread Doctors.” Stiles’ voice over the phone can be heard, more papers can be heard being flipped and thrown somewhere. “They’re the ones doing this to Y/N.”

“I need to get it off of her!” Isaac spoke to the phone as he watched Thor lunge at one of the doctors in front of them, his clawed hand not holding back any hits he let out. Scott was next when another appeared much closer to where you and Isaac were.

Once your cries quieted down and your body settled down to small shakes - appeased from the onslaught of transforming against your will, Isaac’s hands hovered over the tube.

“You have to go before they hurt you.” It was barely a whisper when the words came out of your mouth, your body was getting too tired to fight it anymore.

“No, I’m not leaving without you, you know that.” Isaac spoke it with a voice that left no room for arguments as he held the tube in his hand and attempted to pull.

Isaac held back a sob as the screams you let out shattered through the noise of the grunts and punches being thrown. But before he could successfully pull it out, a force had hit him and sent him across the room hitting a wall with a loud thud.

“Near-perfect.” Another doctor, the same one who threw Isaac off of you, had appeared next to you with a device in his hand that, from the looks of it, controlled the tube that was pumping the liquid into you.

“Stop, please!” Your hands flew to the contraption attached to you just as Isaac charged at the doctor, sending them both to the ground.

Blinking away the heaviness of your eyelids, you tried to move from your position on the floor only to fall back down flat on your stomach. The wolf in you whined in panic, barking almost as she nudged you with her head to stand up - that you still had strength in you and she was there to anchor you herself.

“Give her back to me,” You can hear Isaac from across the room, the sight of him swiftly landing blow after blow at the doctor caught you off guard. The blood that ran down his temple to his eyes only added a level of intensity to his yellow glowing gaze as he gave a growl that had an unnerving timbre to it. “Now.”

On the other end of the room, you watch Scott claw at the doctor he was against before the mask fell off and revealed a face that was mottled, wrinkled, and scarred. If the true alpha was disgusted, he did not show it as he put his arms up to block the hit the doctor threw his way.

At the sound of a device dropping to the cemented floor, you felt the vibration of the tube behind you stop - the bubbles silencing as it halted its actions. This immediately cleared your head and relieved you of the pain, the fuzzy veil finally lifting as you took another deep breath and attempted to sit upright again.

Successfully sitting up with a few labored breaths accompanied by a wince, you lifted your aching arms and took hold of the tube attached behind you - the stinging feel of the needle made itself known as the small movement you made just from holding it jostled a little.

Taking a couple of ragged breaths again, trying to gather the courage and strength to pull the thing behind you when the air was suddenly knocked out of your lungs. The sensation of a sharp jab radiated from your side, the groan you let out echoed to the other end of the room making your eyes dart to where Isaac was.

“No,” you let out a gasp at the sight of your mate wide-eyed as he stared up at the doctor in front of him - the pain you felt on your side mirroring where the Surgeon’s swordcane embedded on Isaac’s side and giving it a twist for good measure. “Isaac!”

Your wolf’s painful yips turned to a low dangerous growl.

Feeling the familiar throb in your gums as your canines grew longer, you heard a banshee’s piercing scream all the way from the other wing of the Eichen house while a true alpha’s growl filled the place you were in.

“No more,” You say through clenched teeth, Thor’s knees buckling at the command in his alpha’s voice, Scott and the doctors they were up against stood in awe at the willpower you displayed.

“Perfect,” one of them said under their breath, the final push for perfection.

Finally standing tall, the tube attached to your neck earlier now clutched in your hand, you did not waste time as you took down each person who did you wrong.

Going for the closest antagonist in your life, Thor immediately scrambled out of your way as your claws wrapped around the Geneticists neck. You let your body move past her without letting go of your grip on her before using the momentum to lift the doctor up, the weight and force effectively disconnecting her head from the rest of her body before hurdling her to the Pathologist who was clambering away from Scott and the fight.

Everything was a blur to the other occupants of the room as you zipped past them and took down each one before you finally lunged at the Surgeon who finally released his grip on both his cane and on Isaac.

“My child-” he managed to say as your grip on his neck tightened, his feet barely touching the ground - your eyes glowing a dangerous color as you stared up at him.

You can finally see through the mask, raw pink flesh with stitches decorating it was what the steel mask protected. His mouth opened to say something but only a gurgled gasp came out as your other hand embedded itself in his chest and pierced through skin and muscle. You felt your wolf puffing up with pride and anger - you were their greatest creation and downfall.

Silence enveloped the room as the lead doctor took his last breath before you haphazardly threw him to the ground.

With his nose scrunched and eyebrows furrowed, Isaac pulled the swordcane out of him. His jaw clenching before he let out a pained groan at the feel of the weapon sliding out before leaning heavily against the brick wall while clutching his side.

Your attention was immediately drawn to your other half, managing to wipe off some of the blood on your hand before tending to him.

“Hey,” Isaac greeted as he tried to not lean all his weight to you as you wrapped your arms around his waist, careful not to touch the stab wound on his side. You felt tears playing at the edge of your lashes as you buried your face against his chest, the scent signifying home.

“Can’t really ask you if you’re okay,” You managed to say once you pulled away and looked up at him.

“You’re one to talk,” Isaac replied with a chuckle, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smiled, wiping the stray tear that ran down your cheek with the back of your hand as Isaac’s lips returned to your forehead for another kiss.

“Y/N, look-”

“No!”

A loud bang and the pain that came with it suddenly broke the bubble of peace you were in.

Clutching you to his chest, you saw the same confused expression that reflected on Isaac’s eyes before they darted from you to where the smell of gunpowder was coming from.

The Pathologist’s hand shook as he held the gun up, a crazed look in his eyes as he attempted to stand up from being buried under his colleague's lifeless body. He muttered incoherent words as he aimed the gun at you again.

But before he can pull the trigger, another loud thud took you all by surprise as you witnessed the man fall down flat on his face.

“Damn.” Lydia was behind him with a bloodied metal bat clutched in her hands - Stiles’ hands were up in the air, his eyes were wide as if he couldn’t believe his girl just did that.

“Well mark me down as scared and horny,” Stiles muttered under his breath, his brain replaying the moment Lydia all but took off with his metal bat and ran down the hall as fast as her heels allowed her to where they were now.

“Thank you, Thor.” You hugged the larger-built werewolf, his arms wrapping around you tightly but still being mindful of your current state. “But I don’t think I’m fit to be your alpha - to be the pack’s alpha anymore.”

“I will never understand how you and the others accepted me after what had happened.” Your feet dangled as you sat on a bricked fence outside of the Eichen house, the jacket from Isaac wrapped around you securely to act as a buffer against the coolness of the night.

You can hear Thor’s wolf whine at your words, his face already reflecting the sadness you both felt at what you were doing as he leaned against the fence you were sitting on.

“Alpha, please don’t discredit yourself.”

You looked up at him, not really believing his words with how much damage you’ve done to the pack - to your family.

“You are more than worthy - especially at your age.” He added, pointing out that most of the alphas out there were a hundred years older than you. “You are strong.”

“Thank you, again - for everything,” your lips quivered as you gave your best smile before glancing up to try and prevent the tears from spilling down your cheeks. The thought of leaving your pack broke your heart, they were family. But you needed to have someone better to lead and handle pack-related things -- you needed to recover.

A comfortable silence settled around the two of you before you heard Stiles and Isaac walking towards you.

“Jeep’s good to go, big guy.” Stiles said - more to Thor than you - with a tilt of his head to gesture to where they were parked as Isaac helped you to your feet and walked you towards Lydia’s car.

“You okay?” Isaac asked softly as you both settled in the back seat.

His eyes double-checked the graze on your shoulder from the bullet that hit you, his arms never leaving your side as he let you lean on him - exhaustion already catching up to you with the way your body sagged against his.

No, not really. You wanted to say as he only tugged you closer to him, the drive to Deaton being quieter save for the soft tunes the radio played.

“I will be.”

~~~

Isaac didn’t know what exactly woke him up.

Staring back at the ceiling, his ears strained to hear bed sheets rustling beside him. With the little light that passed through the curtains of the room you shared, he ran his hands down his face before turning to his bedside.

His eyes squinted when his phone awoke and flashed the time, 3:01AM it read - the phone’s screen showed a picture of the two of you together during a weekend picnic Lydia had arranged a few weeks ago. You had your eyes closed and lips smiling - a genuine smile after so long - against his neck as he had his arms wrapped around you tightly while he made a face to the camera.

Isaac stared at his phone’s lock screen a few moments longer before movement on his side and the feel of cold skin touching his leg took him out of his reverie.

Putting his phone back on the nightstand, he curled back down the covers and turned to face you. For someone who’s a warm-blooded supernatural creature themself, you sure have cold feet.

Isaac cupped your face before tucking a stray hair behind your ear, you were lying on your stomach facing him with your hands tucked just a little under your pillow. You were still in deep sleep but it did not look as peaceful as he remembered - your brows were furrowed, your lips moved as if mumbling something and an occasional hand twitch was what he observed.

“Y/N?” Isaac asked, his voice croaked from the lack of use as he leaned on his elbow and tried to coax you awake.

It didn’t take too long before Isaac finally understood what you were saying.

Please, no more...p-please.

Leaning over your side of the bed, Isaac flicked the switch to your bedside lamp open and tried to call for you again. He could now see the thin layer of sweat on your forehead, the sheets bunching up in your grasp as your knuckles turned a lighter shade from how tight your grip was.

I can’t t-take it anymore...

“Hey, baby,” Isaac gently ran his hand down your back a few times, trying not to ‘jolt’ you awake. He knew what methods to use in waking you up when things like these happen, though it took multiple trials and errors with a few bumps - more or less scratches - in the way. But god, he’d take you screaming and lashing out at him any day than this.

I’m sorry, I won’t do it again...

“Y/N, please wake up for me.”

It broke his heart more at the thought that while you were already together, even if in that span of time you were simply friends at first, they’ve already done a multitude of things to you.

“Y/N, I’m here - you’re safe.” He tried again, the soft kiss to your temple lingering a little longer in hopes that it might help - let you sense that he was present and you were not in danger anymore.

“Y/N, no one’s gonna hurt you,” He spoke softly.

Covering your clenched hand with his, it was all it took before your eyes flew open with a sharp gasp of air. It took some strength and swiftness from Isaac to hold your wrists when you sat up so fast - almost bumping his chin in the process - that you almost fell out of the shared bed.

“Hey, hey,” He called for you, your eyes were dilated, blown wide and looking around frantically as if you were searching for the threat that plagued your life a year ago and giving you these night terrors that prevented you from having a good night’s sleep.

“I’m here, you’re safe.” He repeated, waiting for you and not letting go.

“Isaac,” He waited a little more before you finally settled down and realized where you were, your voice shook a little as you spoke his name; eyes glassy as you looked at the familiar blue eyes that called for you.

“I’m here.” Isaac gave a small smile as his hold on your wrist loosened before sliding his hands in yours and holding onto them on your lap - the soft yellow light from your bedside lamp gave his face a soft glow; his eyes looking more kinder that it already was.

Not again. Your lips trembled as you held back a sob, you shook your head as you stared down at your joined hands.

You felt trapped.

That was the only thing you felt and you wanted out, you wanted this to stop; you want an end to this thing happening to you - you don’t deserve the man in front of you.

Having known you for so long, Isaac can already see it on your face, he already anticipated it.

“I love you,” He spoke.

Absolutely no room for arguments, “I won’t leave you.”

You felt Isaac’s hands rest on your hips as you withdrew yours from his hold and tried to stop and wipe as many tears as you could with the heel of your hands. He let you lean your head on his shoulder, the feel of his lips placing a comforting kiss to your ear should’ve given your heart a little leap but it didn’t.

“How much longer will you tell me that before you finally get tired?” You did not mean to say it out loud, you hiccupped once your tears finally settled down with your head and heart.

“Never,” Isaac said as he pushed you away a little to look at you, cupping your face in his warm hands to make you look up at him, a glint of playfulness present. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

You could only sigh and give a soft smile.

“You’re too good for me, Isaac.”

Bringing your hands to his lips to kiss your knuckles, he let them go before cupping your face again and leaned down to plant a kiss on your forehead, then your nose and lastly a chaste kiss on your lips.

“You deserve good things, Y/N.”

You deserve them after everything you went through. Isaac gave that smile he reserved only for you when he pulled away.

Lying back down, Isaac pulled you closer to him before pulling the covers up just below your chin.

“We’ll be okay, remember?” Isaac reminded you of the words you said to him when he asked you a year ago.

You did not miss the way he said ‘we.’ You did remember what he told you, that you were in this together - you’re it for me.

“I remember,” you answered, curling as close as you can to his side. The tip of your nose resting against the warm skin of his neck as he rest his chin on top of your head, arms tightening around you before they relaxed.

Feedbacks are always appreciated! Especially since I miss writing. But again, I won't be doing much writing anymore since I've somewhat lost touch with both my imagines blogs. I might just rewrite/refurbish some of my old imagines/drabbles.

Again, thank you so much for those who stuck by this imagines blog (and for Brett as well). You don't know how much I appreciate it, again, I'm sorry for not being active (read more here)

#isaac lahey #isaac lahey imagines #isaac lahey x reader #isaac lahey x you #isaac lahey x y/n #isaac lahey imagine #teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf imagine

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leah-leu · 4 years

Text

Lean on Me

This Krisho story was inspired by a two quotes:

One is mentioned in the story, but I feel like I need to mention the other one. Kris once said that if he was a king, he would order Suho to massage him, so I figured Suho most be really good as giving massages. Just a warning, when it comes to the massage, there is nothing going on, if you know what I mean. It is just a massage, although I can understand if it appears to be something else, its not.

Also I see that there a few people who like my stories, and I will definitely continue to write. Although it takes me a few months, to post, I will try and write more often. Thank you and enjoy.

D.O stretched his hand out to the side, swallowing what felt like sand. He heaved a cough as his hand wrapped around a cylinder class and placed it under his lips. The cool water trickled down his throat, but it wasn’t enough to calm the desert. He reached his hand further on the night stand to see if there was a bottle there. There wasn’t. He leaned on his elbow contemplating if he should get out of bed. A small tickle at the back of his throat urged him to get up anyway.

Reluctantly he swung his feet over the bed and wobbled to the door. It was dark, his eyes still heavy with sleep, but he manage to successfully reach the door.

He opened and closed the door silently, and walked the hall to get to his destination.

The Kitchen.

Up head he could see a light, which made it a little easier to see, his footsteps became sturdy as he continued on.

The closer he got to the light, his ears started to pick up rustling. He stopped and looked behind him, when he didn’t see or hear anything from behind him he shook his head and continued on.

The closer he got to the light he realized the sound was coming from there.

It must be the TV.

It wasn’t uncommon that one or two of the members would be staying up late watching a movie or TV show.

As he was close to rounding the corner, he stopped, as the noises he heard did not sound like typical TV noise.

It sounded like someone was in pain.

He shook his head. Sleep was still clouding his mind.

He just wanted some water, but for some reason, he felt frozen in his spot.

D.O took a step toward the light when he heard a noise that jolted his whole body.

It was a moan. But not a moan that someone was in pain.

The person hummed, and moaned, and sighed.

D.O was frozen, he wanted to move, but all his brain could register was what was going on beyond the wall he was behind.

“Don’t stop,” the voice sighed.

The voice had a distinct low sound, it had to be Kris.

D.O just knew, his voice sounded different than all the members.

What was he doing here?

According to Suho, there other halves would be here in the morning or afternoon, but it was still night time.

D.Os head twitched as what sounded like fingers clawing at the couch, and another moan.

Then someone laughed, light and airy, it was also familiar.

“Were just getting started.” The second voice teased.

D.O felt his eyes widen, he clamped his hand over his mouth. Suho!

Kris and Suho? What were they doing? He screamed inside his head.

“I bought this. Its your favorite scent right?” Suho spoke.

D.O heard a bottle or a cap being open. There was a pause.

“Oh!” Kris exclaimed, “That smells so good.”

Suho laughed again. “I thought you would like it.”

There was a brief paused, and D.O wondered what was happening.

“Isnt that too much?” Kris asked.

The cap to whatever was opened clicked closed.

“No, you want to be comfortable right.” Suho stated.

“I don’t want it to run over, and get on the couch. Its going to be a pain to clean up.”

“Don’t worry, just relax. Now close your eyes.”

Kris sighed, as if he was taking some risk.

D.O heard the circle motion of Suho’s hands, and then... Kris began to moan again, and again.

D.O’s face warm, but he still couldn’t move. What would they think if they heard him? Never mind his water, he didn’t want to go back to his room. with his jumbled mind. He could easily bump into something if he wasn’t paying attention.

“Right there” Kris hummed. “Harder”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Kris assured Suho.

D.O bit the inside of his cheek. How long was he going to be standing here? His pulse beat wildly in his ears.

He could hear the couched being scratched over and over.

D.O wished he stayed in his bed. He should have just rolled over despite wanting water. Now there was no way for him to go.

D.O heard a cry.

It was Kris.

He turned his head back to the living room. His spine tingling. Legs begging to move.

“Don’t tense up” Suho’s calmly commanded. “Just relax” He crooned.

Kris groaned and sucked in his breath.

After a few tense moments of silence, D.O held in his breath. He heard a sigh from Kris.

“It happens every time,” Kris sighed, like he was tired.

Suho only hummed in response. Then he heard Kris yelp.

D.O jumped in his hidden spot, as Suho chided him.

“You rely too much on those chemically made pills”

What?Pills?

“Ow, hey stop.” Kris yelped again. D.O heard what sounded like a pillow bouncing off the couch

“Yeah, that makes sense coming from you, medicine man,” Kris shot back. “The vitamins I take are top quality.”

“Oh please, I only take vitamins when I need them. You however, use them to replace food entirely. ”

This is certainly not how D.O imagined their conversation going. He was terrified, but now he was confused and curious. Cautiously he pressed his back into the wall. He just wanted to see a glimpse. Turning his head to the side he quietly turned toward the light and moved over.

He could see that their backs was to him, but not by much.

They had clothes on, D.O noted relived.

Kris was leaning to the side. His upper body was facing Suho. Suho was turned just enough to face Kris, but was still comfortable with his resting a little on the couch.

D.O face warmed. Of course they would have clothes on why wouldn’t they. He scolded his inner self. But he couldn’t forget the sounds. He mentally groaned, best not to think about it.

D.O saw Suho’s hand go up and fall and smack on Kris bare calf .

“You need to eat more fruits and vegetables. Your body needs the potassium or your just going to keep cramping up.”

“I don’t like vegetables, I’ll eat some fruit, but…”

“No Kris,” Suho voice became stern. “You need to take better care of yourself. ”

“I do, that’s why I have you, so you can massage my legs whenever I need it.” Kris patted Suho’s shoulder and laughed.

Suho pouted. D.O knew Suho was serious whenever he made that face. “I’m really worried about you,” he mumbled.

Something in the air changed. The smile that Kris had was wiped away. Suho looked at Kris, while Kris turned away and heaved a sigh. Something told D.O that this wasn’t the first time they had this conversation.

D.O strained his ears as he heard Kris reply. “I know.”

They were silent, but the only sound in the room was the faint brush of hand on skin, as Suho gently rubbed Kris legs.

“I’m getting tired.” Kris, rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before putting his hand down. “I thought trainee life was difficult, but I hoped it would be better when I debuted. But it’s worse. So much worse.” Kris laugh was humorless. He placed his hand on his heart and rubbed it, like he was giving it a hug. “I don’t know how long I can go on.”

D.O felt his own heart skip a beat.

“That’s exactly why I’m worried. You would tell me, if you…”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I can’t imagine leaving you guys. I started with EXO, and I want to end with EXO.” Kris’s words were meant to be light, but D.O could see that Suho was not convinced.

“I’m just missing my mom. It’s difficult to fly back and forth. I feel like my body isn’t able to catch up. Then I can’t slack off, because I’m the leader I feel like I can’t freely express myself, because somehow I’m the voice of the company?” Kris used air quotations for the last part.

Suho nodded, he understood.

“Sometimes I just want a break, well a longer break.”

“It’s difficult now, but it won’t be like this forever.” Suho sighed. “We’ve come a long way.”

“Yeah we have. It’s easier for you though, this is what you wanted.”

“This isn’t want you want?”

“I mean, it is, but I didn’t imagine it to be like this. I was expecting something different.”

“Like what?”

Kris shrugged, “Just different. “ Kris paused, “I don’t feel like myself anymore. Every day is challenging. I wake up to aches in pains, and my legs cramp up all the time. But I can’t do anything because I have to help with everyone’s injuries, or homesickness, cooking and picking up their medicine. I don’t have time for myself. Even if I do get a break, my mind is always working on the others, you know.

Suho nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, it is hard to get a break in now days.”

“I want to do my own thing eventually. I want to share my ideas with the company and produce my own songs.”

“You always say that you are going to do it, but you never do. Just go up there and ask them to listen.”

“But I feel like I’ll be turned down. I still need to work on them.”

“What you have is fine. I like your songs.”

“It’s one thing to share with you, sharing it with the company… It needs to be complete perfection. I don’t want them to change my song, I want them to listen and have it on an album because everything is that good. ”

“It sounds like you need your own label. Or a solo”

“I wish,”

“It can happen one day.”

Kris hummed.

Kris makes music?

Why hadn’t he learned about this? In all the years they’ve known each other, D.O didn’t know this about Kris. At least not on this level, they are all artist, but most of the time Kris never seemed to be engaged, but then again most of the time he is away in China.

“One day we will all have our solos,” Suho leaned his head against the couch and looked up sighing dreamily.

“We’ll be a real powerhouse then. We could have our own label. EXO label, EXO Co,” Kris listed a few names.

Suho head snapped up and looked at Kris, “Yes! Lets make it happen one day, bro.” Suho held his hand up, and Kris slapped his hand with his own. “Yeah, bro.”

They laughed a little before falling into a peaceful silence.

“Your going to do great things Kris, your extremely talented. Don’t be afraid to go after it.”

Silence passed between them again before Kris spoke, “Yeah, well same for you.”

They both shared a smile.

D.O smiled as well as he turned away, from their hushed voices. There was something sweet and intimate about the two of them talking on the couch. He finally felt like he could quietly leave.

He went out to get water, but he doesn’t feel as thirsty now. Taking slow steps back to his room, he thought about something Suho had said once.

“Although we are very different in height, were close friends, and he often leans on me”

“Really” his past self replied in disbelief.

“Yes, when you are not watching”

D.O remembers how bright his smile was when Suho mentioned Kris. He rarely sees them hang out or talk to each other. They must do it more often when the other members are not paying attention.

Indeed they do have a heavy burden to carry. It must be a blessing that they have each other to lean on.

#krisho #exo suho #exo kris #kris and suho #exo ot 12 #fanfiction

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aradia-hub · 4 years

Text

8 Phases of Saturn Return

I recognize that Saturn Return can be a difficult process so the following is an outline of Saturn Return's phases from beginning to end. Saturn typically returns to his original position every 27-29.5 years and lasts 3 years. Saturn returns two times in a lifetime (based on the age of death).

However, this is not a hard and fast rule. The best way to track his cycle is to ensure you’re actively engaged in planetary transit tracking. There are a ton of free apps out there to help you with this. Check out where your Natal Saturn is and compare that to the current Saturn transits. You can use an Astrologer to help you with this as well.

Got it? Cool. Let's get into the nitty-gritty.

I consider Saturn to be the cop of the Zodiac. He rules boundaries. This makes Karma, time, adulthood and the material world his domain. Checks and balances baby! When he returns to his original position, he’s here to help us become aware of our boundaries and the areas we’ve attempted to cut corners.

Whatever is built on unstable ground will crumble, which is totally a good thing. However, destroying what no longer works in order to rebuild can be a difficult feat. Although his archetypal appearance is a critical part of achieving our goals, he forces us to take a hard look at reality. Thus, if we’ve operated from a place of co-dependence, immaturity, recklessness or unawareness he comes in to ensure we own up to our shit.

We do have the option to ignore Saturn’s calling, but this usually results in a life of dangerous contentment. You know, the person with Peter Pan Syndrome, the one who settles for an unhappy life or the one who continues to repeat the same patterns?

Yea. Let’s not do that.

If we choose to listen to the call of Saturn and complete the work necessary to achieve our aims, then he rewards us with a great deal of stability and a life of abundance. This doesn't mean that life will be easy, but it will be a hell of a lot more rewarding.

The following is a list of the phases I have broken down based on my own experiences as well as the experiences of my clients. My hope is that you can reference this guide in order to help you work through the process with clarity and reflection.

Regardless of whether or not you are going through a Saturn Return, this list can be applicable to times of transformation and unease in general.

Saturn Return Process:

Phase 1: A Whisper

When Saturn begins to wake you up. During this phase, you may start to experience the soft whispers of Saturn. This could be through intuitive inklings. For instance, you may not feel as fulfilled as you normally would during regular activities or around certain people. In Phase 1 you can ignore Saturn’s call more easily because he's just beginning to make himself known. However, it is best to start gaining awareness of his whispers.

Phase 2: A Nudge

As he moves closer to your natal position Saturn’s whisper becomes more a nudge. Those intuitive nudges become more noticeable and you may experience external events that make you feel uncomfortable. In these situations, you may find yourself triggered by certain experiences and there may be a physical repulsion towards people, places, things or activities that encompass your normal way of life. During this phase, it’s easy to brush away the nudge and totally fine. However, as the nudge becomes stronger, you will soon be unable to bat away its force.

Phase 3: The Push

The next part of Saturn’s arrival is the appearance of signs in the physical world. You may start to notice certain media images, conversations, insights or dreams that you hadn’t experienced in the past. These types of occurrences are likely to insight a feeling of curiosity and begin to push you out of your old life. You may notice the gaps in your current reality and the need for a change. During this phase, it might as if a heavy hand is colliding with your Ego. Pay attention to the external environment in order to understand what Saturn is foretelling.

Phase 4: Screams

At this point, Saturn is ready to make his presence known. He's tired of your antics and must be heard. Depending on the specific medicine needed (which house he's in), you might experience illness, financial hardship, family breakdowns, sexual confusion or death of someone close. This experience is likely to cause you to reexamine where you are in your life. Although this phase can annoying as hell, it’s a good time to practice your listening skills. If Saturn is screaming at you, then it’s best to be aware of his message. Otherwise, you are likely to encounter some pretty severe backlash in the form of unwanted external events. The point is, regardless of how much we try to ignore the screams of Saturn he always finds a way through. Thus, it’s best to work with him - not against him. Changes that occur may seem rather drab but are in our best interest. Regardless of how scary Saturn may seem, he’s just the daddy figure we need to help us shift into a greater sense of independence!

Phase 5: Burn it ALL Baby

There’s no doubt that Saturn is here and ready to rock your world. At this point, you’re tired and desire change. Saturn burns what no longer serves to the ground. This is when you can work as a team with this archetype and say “fuck living an inauthentic life” because you want to be happy and stable. During the fire phase, it’s important to allow the burn to come. Trying to avoid the inevitable will only slow your process of transformation - ain’t nobody got time for that! Get ready to burn away outdated coping mechanisms and patterns! During this phase, it may seem like the world around you is melting and that’s because, well, it is. This melting process is part of the transformational shift that you are totally ready to make and Saturn is here to usher in this new way of serious tough love. Although I’m not a huge fan of tough love, I do recognize its necessity at certain points in life and this is one of those times. Let the shit you no longer need burn. You can mourn it, you can cry, you can beat up your pillow…just don’t hold onto it!

Phase 6: Insight

Once the unstable aspects of life are burned to ashes, it’s time to contemplate why it occurred in the first place. This is the processing phase. Therapy, meditation, yoga and complementary tools can assist with awareness. This is a crucial period because it ensures that you do not repeat old patterns. Okay, so you mayyyy still repeat old patterns (the brain takes time to rewire, after all), but this period ensures you develop the heightened awareness necessary to shift them once and for all. As they say, the first step to change is awareness and you’ve likely been hit with the mother of all awareness shifters during the entirety of this Return.

Phase 7: Heal

After you’re aware of the patterns which have kept you in a space of instability and unhappiness you're ready to heal. Be easy with yourself and know that life will naturally start to click into place. You are rewiring your brain, your body, and your life. This doesn’t occur overnight and it’s important to give yourself the time necessary to work through the process. Due to the nature of society, you may be tempted to push through this phase. However, try your best to be gentle with yourself to make the most of this time. Learn to sit still and enjoy the process of the transition into adulthood. Acknowledge any desire you have to race through the healing phase and gain awareness of your process. Where do you feel impatient in your body? What is the root of impatience? Does it stem from your desire to “be happy already”? Pay attention to what comes up for you throughout this period and give yourself the self-love you deserve.

Phase 8: Rebuild

Now you have the opportunity to build the life you truly desire. Take a risk and try new activities, make new friends and do the opposite of what you’ve done in the past. This is a fun period of exploration. What do you enjoy and how can you bring it into your life in a solid way? This is an exciting time of discovery, exploration, and development. The world of possibilities awaits and it’s time that you grab those mofos by the balls…or vagina. Whatever you're into, just grab it. Do you know what I mean? HA. Anyway, seriously, now is the time to follow what you truly desire and develop solutions in order to accomplish the goals. I’m talking about visualization, strategy, and action. Busting through this period with an objective, committed and consistent approach can ensure that you manifest the life you want tenfold.

Change can be scary, but Saturn is here to help you ensure you live the life you truly desire. Work with Saturn and you can transform out of what no longer works and manifest a reality that fits your dreams! You’ve got this boo boo!

#Astrology #Education #Transits #Saturn Return #blot

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shima-draws · 5 years

Note

Shima please tell me about your galaxy brain human Lucario AU I wanna know how it all pans out

NDASKMADMLASMKSA OMG ANON I am more than happy to share :'D This got really REALLY long, I hope you enjoy a good read lmao

So we have. Lucario. As a human. Possibly named after an actual Pokemon Lucario, idk. He's still Aaron's apprentice—trains under him at the castle to become an aura user. However, human Lucario is like. 15, making his connection to Aaron that much more powerful bc he's pretty much baby and Aaron's in his mid twenties practically raising this kid by himself. Lucario views Aaron as kind of a father/guardian figure? He's still so uptight at this point tho;; and he views Lady Rin as a mother (which. Is. SOFT). Rin and Aaron might be in love, it's hard for Lucario to tell, he doesn't Romance. He just focuses on his aura training. Pssh.

Fast forward to the time of the Big Pokemon War. Aaron realizes the only way to stop the fighting is to go find Mew at the Tree of Beginning. However he knows that this is a huge sacrifice—and knowing how loyal Lucario is to him, Aaron knows he'll follow him and be subjected to the same fate. And Aaron's like—Lucario is just a kid, you know? He still has so much more to experience and live for. So while it fucking breaks his heart to shatter Lucario's trust in him (for the time being) and totally ruin his father figure status, Aaron "betrays" Lucario and traps him inside the staff. It's some crazy magic aura crystal thing that seals something inside of it, whether it be a Pokemon, human, spirit, or whatever else. At this point it's also for Lucario's safety—bc nothing can really touch him while he's in there, and they're in the middle of a war, so yeah it's just really good timing and planning to protect his kid. However Aaron, being the adorable himbo dumbass he is, kinda forgets that this is an aura crystal, and therefore needs aura to "unseal" it essentially, which would set Lucario free. Unfortunately after Aaron goes to the Tree and gives up his life to stop the war (cue Titanic music) there's not really any other aura user around. They're pretty rare, even way back then;; so Lucario falls into a deep slumber, being sealed, and is kept there for about 1000 years.

And then!! Ash fucking Ketchum enters the picture!!

Lucario is suddenly woken because he senses Aaron's aura nearby. Absolutely pissed at Dad for leaving him behind, Lucario escapes from the staff and goes to attack, but stops when he realizes Dad is actually not Dad, it is adorable 14 year-old boy who has a similar aura to Aaron. Cue a very disgruntled teenager running through the palace, totally out of place and confused. Eventually he's stopped by Lady Ilene, who explains what's going on. Naturally Lucario's heartbroken—not only is his master/dad/guardian dead, but so is his mother figure, and everybody else he'd once known in the castle. Bc Ilene looks so similar to Rin, Lucario takes comfort from her. Ilene does her best to console him and asks if he'll do her a favor. He leaps at the chance to make her happy—apparently he's a sucker for getting good Parent Figures to like him—and agrees to go help Ash and co. find Pikachu at the Tree of Beginning.

Instead of Lucario doing the Naruto run ahead of the group (which like. How the fuck is he so fast...) he actually sits in the car in the passenger's seat with Kidd doing the driving for him, bc hell if a human can run for that long and not be totally wiped out afterward (also he just woke up from a 1000 year nap. Yeahhh. Not gonna happen.) Also baby has no idea what the fuck a car even is so he's a bit nervous around it, and Kidd's like "Um yeah no I'm not letting you drive. Just tell me where to go" so Lucario uses his aura to lead her. Things progress p much the same way, with Lucario getting strangely attached to Ash despite not wanting to, at all, but it's hard because Ash is just Perfect and a Good Boy and pretty much gives Lucario the sort of attention he craves. Eventually tho that all comes to a head when Ash brings up his friendship with Pikachu. Lucario's still bitter about Aaron and honestly can't bring himself to trust any of them—and is pissed at himself for having taken a liking to Ash despite that—so that leads into their giant fight in the first step of their enemies to lovers trope. Ha. Even so, he still gets consoled by Max (and is given CHOCOLATE!! Which is the most fucking heavenly thing he's ever tasted), and witnesses Ash unable to sleep bc of his honest worry for Pikachu. Lucario does some Deep Thinking to himself about his relations to the group.

The next day, the group activates the Time Flower that recorded Aaron's entire abandonment of Lucario. Believe it or not being a young kid in training for a war tends to give you a bit of trauma, so Lucario freaks out a little and starts attacking the hollow projections of the enemy Pokemon. Ash manages to calm him down. Lucario collapses and asks why Aaron had abandoned him. What did he do wrong? Why would Aaron turn against the kingdom? Why did Aaron trap him in the staff? He doesn't know shit and it's frustrating. Ash comes up to him and apologizes, and as soon as the waterworks turn on Lucario's like oh nooo. Oh NOOOO. Here's this boy laying his heart out on his sleeve and is so honest and open and sincere that he can't help but feel awful for how he treated him. Lucario immediately forgives Ash and is like "I will now protect you with my life" bc Ash is baby and Lucario realizes for the first time!! He's made an actual friend with somebody that isn't his dad or the queen! And if he's friends with Ash that means he can be friends with Brock and May and Max and Kidd too. The prospect is EXCITING. He can trust these people now, he knows, because they saw what happened and they believed him about Aaron. They're choosing to side with him over the "kingdom's hero" and that honestly means a lot—it's a huge commitment and Lucario's just. Super grateful that he has a group of people backing him up. Lucario promises himself that he'll reunite Ash and Pikachu, bc if he were given the chance he'd reunite with the people he once held dear too. Ash and Pikachu really care about each other and Lucario admires and respects that a lot and he wants to make Ash happy so!! He's like. It is my personal mission to see that we find Pikachu successfully. And Ash is just like :'D !!! And it's that moment when Lucario realizes that he might like Ash a biiit more than he originally thought he did. Huh.

Literally not even 30 seconds after that revelation Regirock attacks and Lucario almost has a fucking aneurysm because he JUST made friends with these people!! And now they're going to get killed if he's not careful! Story of his life. He immediately shifts into Protect Ash Mode™ and hurries everyone to safety. Things are crazy. Lucario has too much of a burden on his shoulders. He's stressed. But Ash is with him and that makes things a little bit better so he focuses on getting them to where they need to go and protecting them along the way. Big job for such a young kid. Whew!!

Traveling through the Tree of Beginning, weird antibodies keep voring people, and it's not fun. At one point Lucario takes the bullet for Kidd, but is mysteriously released (probably bc of his aura and his connection to Aaron, who gave up his life, which gave energy to the tree and to Mew. So there's a connection there. The tree kinda sees Lucario as one of its own.) Finally, finally! Ash and Pikachu are reunited! Lucario can immediately sense how close they are and how much of a bond they have. Seeing someone with so much history with Ash makes Lucario a bit shy around Pikachu, but it’s cool, they warm up to each other eventually!

Right after this, Ash and the others find out that May, Brock and Max were devoured by the antibodies. Lucario barely has any time to grieve for them before the Regis burst in and essentially trap him as Ash and Kidd are attacked by the cells next. Lucario watches in absolute horror as Ash is swallowed up. It’s like Aaron all over again—and this time it’s worse because Ash hadn’t done anything wrong, and Lucario had really come to trust him and admire him as a person. It’s absolutely fucking heartbreaking. He watches in hollow-eyed despair as Pikachu and Ash’s other Pokemon cry over him. Everything sucks. The world is a nightmare. Lucario almost wishes he’d gotten swallowed too. Why is it always him that’s the last one standing, the only one left, the remainder to deal with the carnage and the loss by himself? Then Mew performs its voodoo magic and lo and behold!! Ash and the others are miraculously revived! Lucario is absolutely overjoyed and relieved. It’s then that he realizes he’d be absolutely devastated if he lost Ash for good—even more so than Aaron. At this point he’s kinda come to terms about Aaron’s death, though it still hurts because there’s so many questions left unanswered.

Of course right after this Mew collapses and everything goes to shit again. Great. (Can he get like five seconds to maybe just breathe?? Idk.) At the center of the Tree of Beginning, Lucario finds Aaron’s gloves and things start to click into place. Maybe...the stories were true? Lucario activates the Time Flower there and realizes what Aaron had done, his noble sacrifice, and why he couldn’t bear to get Lucario involved. Lucario breaks down in tears bc he’s so relieved and yet so unbearably sad. Aaron was like his father. Someone who cared for him so immensely and deeply. Aaron urged Lucario to continue on and live his life to the fullest—that’s what he wanted for him, after all. But at this point Lucario isn’t sure if he can. Mew needs saving, after all.

Lucario decides he’ll follow in Aaron’s footsteps and save Mew, no matter how sad it makes him to have to leave his new friends so early. Ash immediately protests, along with Kidd, and Lucario tells them that it’s a risk he has to take, just like Aaron. Mew and the Tree need his power more than ever now, and he can’t just abandon them. He starts to pour all of his aura into Mew, but it’s not enough. Ash puts on Aaron’s gloves and jumps in, deciding to help out. Lucario is grateful but also very panicked because Ash literally just came back to life—he couldn’t bear losing him a second time, especially since he already lost Aaron. Lucario tries to bump him out of the way but Ash absolutely won’t let him!! If they’re going down they’re going down together. Ash tells him that he can’t watch Lucario take on the burden by himself over and over—that he wants to split the weight and make things even. Cue a very emotional tense moment between two boys about to sacrifice their lives together. Neither of them want the other to die, but they don’t really have a choice. Mew absorbs their power and then…

Lucario wakes up.

And he’s alive. Holy fuck!! (There’s no fucking way I’d kill him nope not happening not this time bitches)

Apparently splitting the burden of giving one’s life energy to another with a second person eases the consequences—leaving both Ash and Lucario alive (which makes him realize that if he’d gone with Aaron all those years ago and split the burden, both of them would have lived. But strangely Lucario wouldn’t trade that opportunity for what he has now.) Ash literally jumps on him and hugs him so tight he nearly dies a second time, but it’s fine. It’s a good way to go.

The tree is safe, and so is Mew. Ash rejoins the others, bringing Lucario with him. They all have a merry little reunion, and then head back to the castle together.

At this point, Ilene thanks Lucario for all he’d done—for Ash and co. and for the tree and Mew. She then sets Lucario free—saying he can do whatever he wishes, he can follow any path in life he wants to now! Suddenly there’s a whole world full of possibilities, and that world is there for him to explore. He can practically hear Aaron encouraging him to take a step into the unknown, journey to his heart’s content, make tons of friends, and master his aura. Except Lucario isn’t really sure he wants to take the trip by himself. He bashfully asks Ash if they’d be alright with him joining them. Ash is absolutely fucking ecstatic, of course. He asks Lucario to teach him how to properly use his aura, and Lucario has a big self revelation moment like “The student has become the master” and it’s magical. So we hit off a brand new adventure with Lucario traveling with Ash, Brock, May, and Max, and teaching Ash how to hone his aura! Which gives us more aura Ash moments, which everybody craves! And it’s kinda gay and lovely!!

And that is my rewrite happy ending for Lucario and the Mystery of Mew thank you goodnight ✌️

#Shima answers questions #Pokemon #Pokeani #Lucario #Long post #Ash Ketchum #Aurashipping #Anipoke #Lucario and the Mystery of Mew #Human Lucario #May #Max #Brock #Shima’s AUs #I had FUN writing this LOL #Hope you enjoy uwu

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nctxnation · 5 years

Text

A Haunting in Neo City

➳ Pairing: Renjun x Reader

➳ Genre: Romance | Buzzfeed Unsolved AU

➳ Word Count: 4.8k

➳ Warnings: Mild Language

➳ “Of all the problems and complications in my life, I had not expected love to be one of them.” ― Stacie Evans

You spun around in your chair, eyes tired of seeing the screen after finally finishing another article. The coffee mug next to you, empty, and your brain still sleep deprived and sluggish.

“You look like shit.”

You groaned, pressing send on the computer and turning to see your partner in crime, or more like partner in the occult and crime.

“Hello, to you too, Renjun,” You flicked a paper clip at him and he rolled his eyes as it bounced off his chest. “I’m just tired. Yeri and the girls’ invited me out for dinner last night.”

“Fun,” He grinned, jumping onto your desk, knocking papers to the side. “All I did last night was see how many pens Jisung could stuff in his mouth, nine, by the way.”

“I’m guessing you have some news for me,” Your eyes zeroed in on the stack of papers in his hands. “Let me guess a cursed doll that terrorizes its owners?”

“Been there, done that, remember?” He smiled down at you, eyes brightening at the prospect of a new adventure. Your heart fluttered at the eagerness in his tone and the sparkle of his eyes, “We’re going out to Neo City to scope out the Evermore Woods, aka the Haunted Woods of Neo City. There’s supposedly haunted cabins and we might just end up possessed, you in?”

Of course, you were in. You’d follow Renjun anywhere, he didn’t know that. You sure as hell didn’t want to submit to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness that would ensue after disclosing your romantic feelings to your coworker and closest friend.

“Do I have a choice?” You grinned snatching the prints of research out of his grip. “We’re not gonna end up possessed, it has never happened.”

“You never know,” He was positively buzzing with excitement and it made you beam at how adorable he looked. “I have a feeling this one is gonna be a good episode though.”

“You always have the craziest shit up your sleeve,” You noted, glancing through rumored sightings of ghosts and wild stories that spurred from college students partying in the woods. “This is no exception. Sounds like a fun roadtrip to me.”

“Wait ‘til you read about the Ghost of Jieun they saw there, it’s some crazy shit I kid you not!”

Renjun went on the full blown spiel, trying to persuade you that the woods were indeed haunted and it wasn’t just a hoax. He did this all the time, seeing as he was the one who fully believed in the paranormal between the two of you. You were the one who decidedly followed him throughout his supernatural investigations sprinkling witty commentary as you weren’t as sold in any stuff like that.

You were often the cause of Renjun’s constant hysteria as you seldom kept quiet and continuously egged and taunted any ‘spirit’ that might be lurking. It got to the point Renjun would keep a small bottle of holy water in his car and occasionally spray you with it just to make sure you weren’t actually possessed.

A long ass story about some ghost later, Renjun was summoned by Jeno who needed help as Haechan had gotten his hand stuck up some tubing they were filming a video with. You took that as your cue to refill your empty coffee cup, to regain some life and have at least a semblance of a normal, functioning human being.

You however didn’t expect yourself to be cornered by Yeri and Yuta, who were looking far too devilish. Their evil smirking were making you want to add them to the list of possible people to perform an exorcism on, part of Renjun’s never ending list.

“So, you and Renjun looked pretty cosy there,” Yeri commented, subtly glancing at Yuta whose face only darkend with mischief.

“We’re partners on this ongoing project,” You deadpanned, pouring in some burning hot liquid into your mug. The steaming zest of life. “He literally has no choice now, the loser is stuck with me. We ordained it with a blood oath which is pretty on brand for us, I guess.”

Yuta cackled heartily, “No wonder you guys’ are in love. You have the same sense of humor.”

“Thanks,” The words processed in your brain slower than Internet Explorer. “Wait--what? In love? Renjun and me?”

“Am I speaking in Japanese?” Yuta winked at you, sipping his coffee so smugly you wanted to slap him. “So, when’s the wedding?”

“It’s not like that,” You began to feel uneasy, their staring was predator-like. “How many times do I have to spell it out to you guys? Renjun and me, we’re friends and co-workers, nothing more. So, we share a room every once in a while and have inside jokes, you and Winwin do too.”

“Mhmm sure,” Yeri shrugged it off, “One day we’ll get you to admit your love for each other.”

“Not gonna happen,” You gritted out, taking your mug and walking away as fast as you could so they couldn’t see the intense blush coloring your features.

“You better send a wedding invitation!” Yuta hollered as you rounded the corner and saw Renjun and Haechan laughing about his incident.

Your heart warmed as Renjun’s eyes met yours and you could have sworn you saw a fondness in his eyes that was only reserved for you. A small sliver of hope slithered its way into your heart, but you crushed it easily on account of it being your sleep deprived brain creating scenarios in your head that weren’t real.

Unbeknownst to you, Renjun sighed in aggravation. His little frown catching Haechan’s attention.

“You might as well tell Y/N you like them,” Haechan said as he watched your retreating figure.

“It’s not that easy,” Renjun admitted, “Y/N and me are a team, we have our own series and its doing really good. I don’t want to ruin any of that knowing they don’t feel the same.”

“You sure about that?” Haechan snorted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Renjun snapped, ready to put Haechan in headlock at any given offense.

“I mean the supernatural isn’t the only thing your blind to,” Haechan patted his friend’s shoulder and left, leaving Renjun more confused than before.

Renjun thought it was easier to be cornered by ghosts, demons, serial killers, and bizarre monsters than having to ever come close to admitting his feelings for you. Your friendship ran deep and he didn’t want to derail the dynamic he worked so hard to upkeep. Plus, he didn’t think you’d like him, you got along swimmingly due to the fact that you two instantly clicked. You were his best friend, in his eyes, telling you he wanted something more was severely scarier than facing ghouls.

The matters of the heart were always something terrifying.

Renjun placed his folder of information neatly on the table, eyes bright as he faced the camera. You sat next to him trying your best not to stare too much at him. You failed of course and you hoped your audience thought none of it. The comment section had a few comments littered about they way you looked at each other. The last thing you needed was your full blown heart eyes for Renjung to be the one thing your viewers discussed.

“This week we will be exploring the haunted cabins in the Neo City Evermore Woods.”

Gosh, even the way his voice went into professional mode was starting to sound immensely attractive to you.

“Do you think we'll see bears?” You asked, smirking at the frustrated sigh he let out. The edges of his lips turned upwards and that in itself was enough to have you glowing.

“The woods are crawling with ghosts and demons and you're worried about bears?” He chuckled, it was so like you. It was one of the many things he liked about you, even when it clashed with who he was.

“I just don't want to take my chances.”

“But you'll be okay with being possessed?” His eyes bulged out of his face and you giggled at how comical he looked.

“I'm being realistic. I guess we can trace a circle around us.”

“Of salt?”

“No, dirt like with a stick. For the bear, Renjun. Not the ghosts.”

“Isn't that from Spongebob?” He regarded you with sparkly eyes full of amusement.

He loved the way you made the tension in his body release, the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed at your own stupid jokes. He was seriously gone and he hoped it didn’t get captured on camera.

“Yeah that's where I get all my educational information from.”

He started wheezing and you joined in laughing at how silly you sounded. That was your role in this dynamic duo, he took everything regarding the supernatural seriously and you joked about it. You two were like yin and yang in a sense, you balanced each other out.

“Well, I get all my educational information from reliable sources,” Renjun began addressing the timeline of the Disappearance of Jieun, to telling about her murder and the hauntings of the lake and cabins.

You added your own commentary, smiling when the camera turned off and Renjun excitedly high fived you. Yup, you were way too deep.

“You were really funny out there,” He said, shuffling all his papers back into his folder, “Great stuff. I think I’m going to need an inhaler or something.”

“Nah, I think I sounded cringey,” You waved off his immediate protests, “I just wanted to take the time to say that you really put a lot of work into this series and it shows. You’re doing amazing, Renjun, and you deserve to know it.”

“Couldn’t do it without you?” He was too sweet, he was going to give you tooth decay.

“I don’t think--”

“No, of course you don’t see how great you are,” He interrupted you, placing a small warm hand on your shoulder. “But I see how great you are and I think you should know you make this series worth doing.”

“Renjun…”You swiped an imaginary tear off your cheek, ignoring the actual tears building up. “You really are the sweetest person in the office, don’t tell Jungwoo I said that.”

The weight of his compliment and your lack of though, had you wrapping his frame around your arms. He froze, but then melted into your hands.

“I’m serious you make the other half of Spooky Duo,” Renjun’s warmth blossomed a new kind of warmth in your heart, “I love you, Y/N...I mean, you’re the best partner in crime money can buy.”

“You threatened me to join you,” You sniffled, ignoring the fluttering feelings the eight letters he murmured brought you. “I had no choice in the matter, but you’re a great partner in crime...I love you too, Renjun.”

The love you felt was different than the love he felt that much you knew. No lack of sleep or caffeine rush was going to lull you into a false reality that you made up in your head. He didn’t feel the same.

There was beat, in which you both stood, arms tangled and breathing rough, staring into each other’s eyes. The moment was broken when Yuta and Yeri stumbled into your work room claiming a group meeting. You scrambled away from each other, your eyes having totally not been hyperfixed on his lips. Renjun cleared his throat and fist bumped you claiming you as the best friend he could ask for, before he went on his merry way.

You sighed, not trying hard enough to hide you own dejection, but you followed behind him. This, unfortunately, only roused Yuta and Yeri even more as they began gossiping about the office, murmuring about how any day now the Spooky Duo were finally going to get together.

It was dusk, night barely stretching across the horizon when you reached the edge of the Evermore Woods. The forest was cold, dark, and dense. It was the picturesque vision of any horror movie setting, horrific and nightmarish. It would certainly allow for your mind to conjure up the scariest of things to crawl from out of the forest, had you been creative enough for it. From the look in Renjun’s wide eyes, you can tell he felt the eeriness set in too.

The uneasiness reflected in Jeno and Jaemin’s eyes, your camera crew for tonight. Haechan and Yuta were already setting up things in the cabins. Renjun gulped and led the way down the path, Jeno and Jaemin stayed a couple of steps behind you two, jostling through the greenery with their equipment.

“Are you afraid of anything?” Renjun trekked through the foliage skillfully, the bright flashlight guiding him, although there was a subtle shake to his grip.

“Yeah, dying alone. Thank God I have you.” It was meant as a joke, but the weight of your words rang heavy and poignant in contrast to the eerie silence of the night.

Renjun deliberated for a moment, before following it up with a quip of his own, “I'll feed you to the demons before you even get to me.”

“That’s to say there’s even demons.”

“Our viewers think you’re a demon.” His eyes were playful, reeling you in and effectively turning you into mush.

“I can’t confirm nor deny that.” You squashed the butterflies easily, falling into step behind him.

“Do you think we’ll catch some real footage of something?”

“What if we see Bigfoot?”

“Wrong episode,” Renjun smiled, “Do these woods spook you out? What's that noise?”

“Do you know what a cricket is? Speaking of Bigfoot,” You poked his side and he flew up, sending you a glare, “Remember last time? Dude, you were practically crying.”

“I thought we were gonna die,” He defended, “How was I supposed to know Johnny was in a Bigfoot costume ready to scare the shit out of us.”

“That was the whole point,” You said as you finally reached the small lake where the Ghost of Jieun was rumored to be seen. “Are you down for a late night swim?”

Renjun focused his thermal camera on his surroundings, frowning as he caught sight of nothing out of the ordinary. “Should we try the spirit box? Maybe we can speak to her.”

“Chick was murdered by a man, she probably has some deep issues,” You said, plopping down on the wet grass that covered the lip of the lake. “She probably won’t want to speak to you. Or maybe she’s hiding in the cabins back there.”

Jeno and Jaemin propped up all the filming equipment and readied the camera to start filming. They signaled Renjun to get started and he immediately launched into ‘YouTuber Renjun’.

“We’re here at the Evermore Woods of Neo City. As you can see, we have Green Water Lake right behind me and some of the cabins that remained from the old campground. People say the Ghost of Jieun likes to linger around this general area, near the dock.”

“Wasn’t she killed by her lover?” You bounced a small pebble into the water and watched it ripple.

“Yeah, he dated her. He actually said she was too beautiful to be murdered and she agreed and used that as her tactic to live for one more minute.”

“I--what?”

“Yeah she was basically like ‘Please don't kill me, I’m too sexy for this disrespect.”

“Do you think he was like hahaha don't die your so sexy...oops sorry my knife fell into you.”

“We really shouldn't be joking about this here,” Renjun bit his lip, glancing around nervously.

“That sounds like a freaking skit from American Horror Story 1984! How am I supposed to take it seriously?”

“Because we're probably standing within the general vicinity of the crime.”

“Oh, shit.” You turned towards the cabins. “Should we go inside?”

“You want to go first or should I?” He asked, brushing off bits of grass of his pants and helping you up off the ground.

“The non-believer always goes first,” You smiled, pinching his cheek, “You, my dear, are last because you’ll most likely freak out and that will be great footage.”

“Please don’t summon anymore demons from the pits of hell.” Renjun begged, although you caught subtle lilt of amusement in his voice.

“Can’t make any promises,” You took the spirit box and thermal camera from him. “It’s not like anything exciting ever happens anyway.”

“Be careful.”

The words were simple but the way he said them, dripping with concern. You almost turned around to see his face, but you knew that if you didn’t stop walking towards the cabin, you’d kiss him then and there. Your feelings were growing and him being the sweet, caring person he was, wasn’t helping your case.

“Honestly, Renjun, is probably pissing his pants right now.” You told the camera Jeno was pointed at you, he agreed silently with a grin. “He’s always terrified, but is like an eager puppy wanting to catch anything.”

“Y/N probably raised hell in there, but what's new.” Renjun called out, opening the door to one of the cabins.

“I did no such thing...just told the ghost to screw itself for not singing Fergalicious to see if it's real or not.”

“Fergalicious wasn't even a thing back then.”

“Fergie withstands the fabric of time, it's all an illusion, Renjun.” You walked up to him and he made room for Jeno and you to enter. “Maybe something will come out if there’s more of us. It could want variety in its selection.”

The door closed behind you and all you could hear was the heavy breathing of everyone in the room. There was a freakish vibe to them, more so than when you were alone. Jeno swept the camera around the room, catching every cobweb and dust particle within view. Jaemin focused his camera on the Renjun and you waiting for some action.

“Okay, if there’s anyone--Jeiun or any other ghost can you say something to let us know you’re hear.” Renjun flipped the spirit box on and the room was flooded with static noise and the occasional gurgle of something possibly otherworldly.

“My name is Y/N and this my buddy Renjun,” You licked your lips, feeling the chill of the night creep up on you like a frosty hand. “For his sake, can you say something? Is it like in Ghost Whisper, that you have unfinished business and that’s why don’t cross over?”

“Ren…”

“Oh, fuck,” Renjun began to blubber.

“Y/N….” The voice was barely audible above the static, but still managed to erupt a trail of goosebumps down your arm. It clearly sounded like the voice of a girl. “Ren...jun…”

“Oh, hell no,” Renjun looked on the brink of a breakdown, he clambered towards the exit but Jeno blocked it. “Jeno, what the hell!”

“I...am...Jieun…”

A shrill noise pierced the ear and the static of the spirit box became muffled right after. Suddenly, Jeno began to move frenetically, casting the camera aside on a wooden table. His eyes were twitching and his arms waved in the air as if he were possessed.

“Jeno?” Jaemin’s voice was hoarse, he gently shook Jeno.

His eyes widened as Jeno glared down at him and then smacked him on the side, knocking him straight down. Jaemin whimpered from the brute force of his hit and recoiled as Jeno wailed violently and incoherently.

“J-Jeno?” Renjun grabbed your arm and shoved you behind his body, shielding you from any harm Jeno may cause. “Hey, man, if this is about you not getting to pick the location, we can work this out?”

Jaemin got up and quickly grabbed a hold of Jeno whose eyes were rolling back, his whole body contorting under the hold of Jaemin. Renjun pushed you back, slowly stumbling into the small closet in the corner of the room.

“I think he’s possessed!” Jaemin shouted, pinning Jeno down and waving you two off. “Take cover somewhere, I don’t think I can hold him down for much longer.”

Renjun hesitated, not believing his eyes. You pulled him back and ducked into the small closet, the only thing you could hear was the violent rustle of the wind outside and Jeno’s screeching.

“I shit you not if this is one of your pranks Y/N--”

“It’s n-not,” You stuttered, your whole body quivering like a feather in the breeze. “I swear to God Renjun, I don’t know what’s going on.”

Jaemin’s screaming ceased, there was silence, then a loud, thumping. Jeno’s fists hit the door in frantic, solid beats shaking the door with each hit.

“He loved me,” Jeno’s voice sounded distanted, higher pitched, “He said he loved me. He said I was beautiful, yet he killed me.”

“Jieun?” Renjun almost sounded sympathetic and you wanted to cry at how sweet he can be, but this wasn’t the time. “Is that you in Jeno? Look, I’m sorry for--”

“You’re not sorry!” Jeno’s thundering voice was full of anguish, “You mock me with your love!”

“What?” You cleared your throat, finding it hard to sound anything remotely human when all you wanted was to sob.

“Your love for each other,” Jeno as Jieun said, “I thought I had that with him. I was wrong. All I want to see is the love I never got.”

“Is she on crack?” You blurted unthinkingly causing Renjun to silence you with a frantic glare. “I mean, oh yeah, we have a very deep friendly affection.”

“Love,” possessed Jeno corrected, “Tell each other you love each other. You never know what life might throw at you. Enjoy love while you can.”

“Is that a threat Ghost Lady?” You didn’t know what to think of possessed Jeno’s words.

“I’ll let you out only if you speak your heart’s desire.”

“Heart’s desire?” Renjun laughed perturbed by the ghost’s insinuation. “This is crazy.”

“Confess your heart’s desire or face the consequences!” Jeno began banging on the door again and it looked like if he slammed his fist one more time, it would crumble under his sheer strength.

“Renjun do something!”

“Okay, okay, stop Jieun,” Shaking like a leaf, he turned to you ignoring the persistent badgering and grumbling from possessed Jeno. “Y/N, if we don’t make it out of this alive I’m sorry I dragged you into this place.”

The lack of heartfelt confessions only angered Jeno even more.

“Hey, Samara chill for a second, okay?” You looked at Renjun, taking his hand and squeezing it. “You don’t force me to go anywhere with you, truth is, I’d follow you to any stupid place you want to go. It doesn’t matter if I think it’s haunted or not, for work or not, I’d still follow you anywhere.”

“What?” His breath knotted in his threat and as your breath fanned across his cheeks, he could have sworn he’d be the next ghost to inhabit that cabin. You were too close and his poor heart can only take so much in one night.

“I don’t know if its the fact we’re about to die,” You wanted to be swallowed by some random hole in the ground or have creepy ghost Jeno drag you away. “Or the fact I can’t see you since it’s dark as shit in here. Or even the fact that I’m starting to think this is a nightmare and I’ll wake up in my desk with you hovering over me with fresh coffee and that cheesy smile of yours that I lo--”

“Y/N.” The way he spoke your name so softly and lovingly, made your temperature rise the cold of the dinky closet no longer affected you.

“Oh, right, sorry,” You rushed through your words, wanting this all to be over, “Truth is I like you, Renjun. I’ve liked you for a long time and that’s why I didn’t need a lot of convincing to join your team.”

“Is that true?” Samara-Jeno asked.

“Truer words have never been spoken.”

“I like you too, Y/N,” Renjun’s voice cracked and your heart swelled. “I’m not...I have no words to describe it. But I like you so much and I never had the courage to say it.”

You smiled, shrouded in the darkness he couldn’t see the pure happiness on your face.

“I’ll leave this body now,” Samara-Jeno said, breaking the heart-eyes-through-the-dark spell you two were in. “You can rest easy, I’m gone…Hey, you guys what the hell happened?”

“Holy shit it worked!” The sheer exuberance of him confessing and you not being in danger had you squealing. “I didn’t think that would work!”

Renjun, however took this differently, “Yeah, you’re such a good actor. That confession...wow.”

“What?” You didn’t even have time to process the crushing sensation his words brought. “Oh, yeah, good one right?” You knew it was too good to be true.

“For God’s sake--”Jeno threw the door open and you clambered over to grip Renjun close to you.

Jaemin sighed exasperated as he readjusted the camera in his hands. You crawled out of the closet, disoriented and bewildered by everything going on. Haechan was handing Chenle money (“Told you they were dumb to see their love”) and bitterly glaring at you two. Yuta and Yeri looked like they wanted to bang their heads.

“What the hell is this?” You shrieked as Renjun gaped at his coworkers.

“This was a set up!” Jeno explained, outraged by the sheer dumbassery you two possessed. “You guys literally confessed to each other like we wanted! Then straight up made it sound like it was all acting...what the heck!”

“You guys are really something else,” Yuta shook his head. “Love is blind and makes you oblivious, but you two are just dumbassess.”

“Wait, so you like me?” Renjun’s eyes widened at your accusation.

“You like me too?”

“Yeah, I actually wasn’t lying,” You felt sheepish at all the pairs of eyes glued on you. “I do like you, Renjun...enough to go ghost hunting even though I don’t believe in that.”

“I like you too,” He cupped your cheek in his hands, ignoring the camera Jaemin pointed right at you. “You’re my partner in crime and I kinda wanna have you around to hunt more ghosts.”

“That’s an offer I can’t resist,” You grinned, kissing him gently on the cheek. “However, you’re gonna have to buy me dinner after, all this ghost hunting makes me hungry.”

“Deal.” The same fondness in his eyes you thought you imagined before, returned and your eyes reflected that fondness. “Now, what the hell were you guys thinking this was a great location and we could have had awesome footage!”

You spent the rest of the night scouring the woods for ghosts, although you didn’t find any. Renjun and you, trailed behind everyone, hand and hand and beaming brighter than the moon above.

“What do you think our viewers are gonna make our ship name be?”

“I hope it’s not something silly,” You gripped his fingers tightly, yanking him closer to you. “There’s something I’ve really been wanting to do, but doing it in front of everyone and in haunted cabin, just didn’t seem right.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” His fingers caressed your cheek, letting them trail down as he placed his hand on your arm. He marveled at the way you shivered under his touch. He was getting too cocky and needed to be stepped down a notch.

You pecked his lips quickly, the only witness to your kiss was the moon and stars. He soften under your touch, holding you tighter. You pulled away all too quick for his taste and laughed as you made your way towards the cars and the group.

“That’s what you get for being a tease!”

He smiled and followed you spraying holy water from his spray can at your retreating figure.

“You really are a demon!” He joked as he caught up to you and took your hand in his again.

“Another one to add to the list of completed missions,” You grinned shuffling into the van. “Up for another adventure?”

“With you, yes,” He would never stop making your heart flutter.

“I swear to God if you two are going to be this cheesy, I am going to regret setting this up in the first place.”

Yuta was only kidding, considering he was the biggest shipper. The next day at the office the video of you two confessing to each other was seen by everyone. For once, you were glad to have been terrorized by an alleged ghost. You watched as Renjun walked over to you, glowing, and a folder in his hand. Yeah, you’d definitely followed this dork through any “haunted” place or anywhere for that matter.

Paranormal Neotivity masterlist

#neotober #cznnet #neowritingsnet #huang renjun #renjun x reader #renjun #nct renjun #nct dream fanfic #nct dream

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yes-i-am-happyaspie · 4 years

Text

A Silent Refuge

Summary: While having a 'spider-sense' can come in handy, it can also be a hindrance. Especially when the constant hum keeps you awake at night. Peter learns that there is one place he can go that feels safe enough to silence his heightened awareness and it's where Tony is.

Warnings: none

Tags: Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark and May Parker Co-Parenting Peter Parker, Tired Peter Parker, Fluff ... ...

Word Count: 3653

Link to Post on AO3: A Silent Refuge- happyaspie

Tony woke up entirely too early in the morning to his phone instantly vibrating on the table beside his bed. When it finally went quiet he sighed and tried to go back to sleep only to have it start up again immediately after. With a groan, he haphazardly felt around on the table until he had the offending device in his hand and then fumbled to answer it without ever looking to see who was calling. There was only a short list of people who could reach him through the one line that didn't go through FRIDAY and if they felt the need to call him twice in rapid succession, then he figured it must be at least somewhat important. "What's up?"

"Is Peter with you?", the voice on the other line asked and it took Tony longer than it should have to figure out who was talking to him. In fact, he had to pull the phone away from his ear and glance down at the name before it clicked and his sleep-rattled brain slowly started to work things out. It was May and she was asking him about the kid. Pete. Peter. She thought Peter was with him?

"No. Why would be he be with me?", he asked with confusion. It was way too early on a... whatever day it was for the kid to be with him.

"I don't know!", May clipped and Tony was suddenly awake enough to register how distressed she sounded. "I went into his room this morning to make sure he was getting up for school and he wasn't there. There's no note, he's not answering his phone and he's not with Ned, so I was hoping that you had him.", she asked, her voice sounding more and more perturbed the longer she spoke.

"May... I would never come to collect your kid in the middle of the night without saying something. I'm not that irresponsible.", Tony said as he sat up and tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes. Then he remembered that at one time he's lied to the woman and hauled her nephew out of the country without her knowledge and gave in a little. "Okay, maybe I am but I didn't. He's not with me. Let me pull up the suit stats. Maybe he got up before you and went out for an early morning swing.", he said with an exhausted sigh but May didn't seem to think that was the case being as she was once again huffing in his ear.

"You don't understand. He's not answering his phone, Tony. Oh, god what if he's hurt?", she said with growing anxiety that was starting to send ripples of worry through Tony as well. Especially when the console he used to monitor the Spider-suit came up blank.

"The suits not active.", he stated not quite masking his own concern. "Jesus. Okay.", he started as he ran his hands down his face and let out a deep breath. "Okay, I'm going to have FRIDAY track his last location and check the surveillance. I'll let you know when I find something. You just hang tight in case he returns home."

"Please, just find my kid.", May returned without missing a beat.

"I'll find him.", Tony assured ahead of abruptly ending the call. A thousand thoughts were running through his mind as he stepped into a pair of sweat pants. It was times like these that he was thankful for his AI assistant. He didn't have to waste any time. She could get started while he finished throwing a shirt over his head and made his way to the lab. "FRIDAY? Pull up the Spider-suit's tracker and pinpoint its last coordinates for me, will you dear?"

Not even two seconds passed before the AI was dutifully responding with the information that he'd requested "The last known location was recorded at one-thirty-two in the morning. I'm sending you the coordinates to you now."

Tony felt his watch twitch and looked down at the location expecting to see it somewhere in Queens. Maybe even in the kid's closet but that wasn't the case and he brought his brows together with perplexity. "That's a block from the Tower. What on Earth was he doing there?", he rhetorically questioned but the AI responded anyway.

"I believe he was using the suit as a means of transportation.", FRIDAY replied and Tony rolled his eyes.

"He usually does.", Tony said with mild frustration as he too tried to dial Peter's number only to be sent straight to voicemail. The kid never had his phone turned off and that sent his lingering worry over the edge causing unfavorable thoughts to flow endlessly through his head. "I swear, if it wasn't frowned upon by every single government agency on the planet, I would put a tracker in back of the kid's neck.", he said through his teeth.

"That would be a human rights violation at best, Boss.", the AI chimed in, only adding to Tony's annoyance.

"Thanks, dear but I'd already figured that out for myself.", he acknowledged while simultaneously opening up all of the screens in front of him. "Pull up the surveillance footage and let's see if we can figure out what our resident spiderling was up to. Hopefully not getting kidnapped because it is way too early in the morning to deal with anything like that.", he said in an attempt to keep things light but in reality that was his number one fear at the moment. That the kid had snuck off and then gotten captured. There were people out there that would love to get their hands on Spider-man. Then just as he was starting to spiral, FRIDAY spoke up and eased the panic.

"Mr. Parker was not kidnapped.", the AI informed causing Tony's nack to snap up from where he's been staring at the floor. FRIDAY wasn't programmed to lie under any circumstances and that meant that she'd already been able to deduce something he just didn't know what and even though no more than half a second had passed he was already beyond aggravated at the lack of instant explanation.

"Is there something you're not telling me because I'm starting to get a little anxious here.", he snapped. "If you know something that I don't, now would be an excellent time for you to fill me in."

"Mr. Parker entered the building at one-forty-two via the furthermost window of your private lab and has been asleep on the couch in the corner ever since. Would you like me to wake him?"

Tony's brain completely stalled at the information. He felt swindled. Outraged. The kid was currently occupying the very room he was sitting in. Granted it was a large room and the couch was in the furthest corner but the fact that he'd not been informed was maddening. "I'm sorry, Did you just tell me that the kid has been back there for the last...", He glanced down at his watch, "...six and a half hours and you just now decided to tell me?"

"Mr. Parker has full access to your private lab and requested that I not--", FRIDAY began to designate but Tony wasn't interested in the AI's miscalculated reasoning. Just because the kid had access to the lab didn't mean he wanted him to come and go without notice. JARVIS would have inferred that on his own. He was intuitive, could practically read his mind and-- he didn't have time to think about that as another notion invaded his thought process.

"--Wait, he's not hurt is he?", he asked, his heart beginning to palpitate in his chest as he awaited the answer.

"No injuries or illnesses were detected upon his arrival. Other than some minor sleep deprivation, Mr. Parker seems to be in excellent health.", FRIDAY said and Tony ran his hands through his hair and took several deep breaths. Once his heart had gone back to a more normal rhythm he stood up and began to weave through the various machines as he made his way towards the far end of the sprawling workshop where, sure enough, Peter was laying there completely knocked out.

For several seconds, Tony watched the boy's chest rise and fall in a soothing manner. He had one arm tucked under his head as a pillow and the other dangling over the side, his fingers brushing the floor while both knees were pulled up towards his chest. It didn't look overly comfortable but the kid's slack features seemed to say otherwise. He almost hated to wake him. Then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was May. A quick text to inform her that her nephew was alive, well and in his care, he leaned over to shake Peter awake. "Time to rise and shine, Spiderling.", he said just loud enough to cause the teenager to stir.

"Mr. Stark?", Peter slurred as he opened his eyes.

"In the flesh.", Tony returned with a fond smile. Even with a little bit of drool on the corner of his mouth, the kid looked sort of cute, laying there with his hair sticking up as it was. "What are you doing here, kiddo? Not that I don't enjoy your company but it's a school day and your aunt was kind of freaking out.", he said making the teenager shoot up into a sitting position so fast that it made his own head swim.

"Shoot! I overslept. I need to call her!", Peter said as he hurriedly pulled his phone out of his pocket only to realize that it was dead. "Shoot! She's going to kill me."

Smiling at the early morning dramatics, Tony sat himself down beside the stressed-out looking teenager and patted him on the knee. "I've already let her know that your safe and with me.", he and then paused as the softness he'd been feeling started to fade into minor irritation. Mostly because his pocket was still buzzing with was no doubt, numerous questions form May. Questions he couldn't yet answer. "You know, after adamantly insisting that you weren't with me when she called this morning. So, how about we backtrack to my first question. What are you doing here?"

"Sleeping?", Peter apprehensively responded.

"Okay...", Tony said with a quirk of his eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with your own bed?"

"No, but...", Peter began to but then found himself unable to locate the words necessary to explain any further. Partially because he wasn't sure he wanted to. Being caught had not been a part of his plan but Tony was looking at him with rapt anticipation and he knew he had to say something. "It's kind of hard to explain?"

"Well, I'm going to need you to give it the good ole college try because you showing up in my lab unannounced before dawn is worrisome.", Tony countered with seriousness and gave a curt nod of his head. "Which reminds me. FRIDAY? New rule. Anytime the kid enters or exits the building I want a heads up. Every time. No matter what. We'll call it the Baby Gate Protocol.", he added with a smirk, fully aware of how much the kid would hate the diminutive name.

With a deep sigh, Peter looked down at the floor where he'd kicked his shoes off upon his arrival. He was already resigning himself to the fact that he would never be able to stealthily enter the building by any means ever again FRIDAY would no longer comply with his request to remain unattended. "That's not really necessary, Mr. Stark.", he tried.

"Apparently it is considering I spent the last fifteen minutes tracking your location only to find out that, surprise!... you were literally across the room from me the whole time.", Tony said in exasperation. "Inept and uninformed is not a good look on me. So, forgive me for preventing it from happening again... and for the third time.", he pressed, "Why are you here?"

"I can't sleep at home.", Peter answered in defeat. "I mean I can but it's, it's hard and I was so tired and my spider-sense wouldn't shut up so, so I came here.", he quietly explained.

Tony looked at the kid beside him with a wrinkle of concern etched across his brow. "Doesn't your spider-ESP usually warn you that you're in danger", he asked because it made no sense that the kid would never leave May at risk. He would protect her with his life.

"Yes but no.", Peter said with a shrug of his shoulders and another sigh. He legitimately didn't know how to expound on the subject. Even he wasn't one-hundred percent clear on how his spider-sense worked sometimes. "It does the thing where it makes my hairs stand on end when there's an immediate threat but it's also just always there in the back of my skull. Except it's more of a constant, quiet hum. Just enough to keep me alert. During the day it's fine. I only really notice it at night anymore but sometimes there are nights where its more annoying than others and I just... can't sleep."

Tony made sure to maintain eye contact to show that he was listening. He had no experience with spider-induced anxiety but he certainly knew a thing or two about insomnia. "So... you thought you would come by and mess around in the lab by yourself?", he asked dubiously by virtue of the fact that he was still unclear as to how the sleep-deprived teenager ended up on his couch.

"No, Mr. Stark. Just sleep.", Peter said as he chewed on his bottom. "Like do you remember last week when you had to wake me up after I fell asleep with my head on your desk?", he asked and waited for him mentor to say that he did. "Well, I realized that day that my spider-sense is quiet when I'm here. Like super, quiet and I think it's because it just feels really, really safe when I'm here.", he adamantly replied before wavering slightly as he weighed his next words. "I think, I think it has to do with you. ...because when you're around, I can sleep without having to force myself to ignore that buzz. It's like my DNA knows that you have the ability to take care of me while I rest.", he said and almost felt bad about it. He knew May would always try to protect him too but the fact of the matter was that she was vulnerable and Tony... he was Iron Man.

Smiling fondly, Tony wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulders. He wholly understood the levity that came with that admission. "I'm glad you feel safe with me, Buddy.", he gently replied and after that, things grew quiet with thought. He'd met the kid months ago and at that time the teenager had said that he'd acquired his abilities six months prior. He wondered if something had changed or if the kid had honestly gone that long without a good night's sleep. "You've had your powers for a while now. How have you been dealing with that all this time?"

"Well, that's why I would patrol so late at night. If I exerted enough energy to become exhausted, it made it easier to sleep and I guess I just sort of got used to not getting a full night's sleep. Then when Aunt May found out about everything and gave me a curfew it made things more difficult. Sometimes, I'm so tired I can't think straight but all I can do is stare at the ceiling. I knew if I came here I could sleep and I thought I set an alarm on my phone so that I could get home before your or May found out but I guess my battery died. I didn't mean to make everyone worry. I'm so sorry, Mr. Stark.", Peter shot back all in one continuous ramble, taking a sharp intake of air at the end.

"Calm down, kiddo. We know you're safe now and that's what matters the most. We're going to have to come up with a better plan for you to get some sleep though. I can't have you sneaking in through my windows at all hours and you should be sleeping in an actual bed and not on an old worn-out couch.", Tony said as he pulled the kid into his side could feel him instantly relax against him and sighed contentedly. He had Pepper, Rhodey and Happy but even still, it had been an exceptionally long time since anyone had told him that they trusted him so extensively and it felt good to have someone else by his side. "We'll talk to your Aunt. Maybe you can stay here overnight sometimes. At least on the weekends.", he said before thoughtfully adding, "Of course, by here, I mean in the bedroom I'm going to set up for you in the penthouse."

"You don't have to do that, Mr. Stark. I mean I would really appreciate being allowed to sleep there sometimes but I don't need you to give me a room or anything. The couch is fine, I promise.", Peter replied but he couldn't entirely stop himself from smiling at the man's offer. Being invited to spend some nights there was amazing enough without the added grandeur of knowing he would have a space set aside just for him.

"No, It's not fine. You need a room with a bed and I'm going to do that for you. Now, from what I can figure, you're already late for school so, you may as well come upstairs with me while I call your aunt. I'll make you some breakfast and then you can take a nap.", Tony said as he tried to formulate a plan for exactly how he was going to relay all of this newly acquired information to May. Although, his thoughts were interrupted sooner than they had the chance to flow.

"--I can't just skip school, Mr. Stark!", Peter squawked despite the fact that he had to have already missed at least one period.

Tony chuckled and gave the boy's shoulders a firm squeeze. "Pete, you just sat there and told me that you haven't had a good night's sleep in months so I'm afraid that I'm going to have to insist. I'm sure May will agree once I explain everything to her. I'll even write you an excuse. How about that?", he asked with a smile, though his tone didn't no margin for argument.

Suddenly realizing how tired he still was, Peter nodded his head and yawned so wide that his eyes watered.

Giving an approving nod, Tony led them both upstairs where he took to the stove to make an omelet while Peter made use of the bathroom. Then, once he had the kid settled at the kitchen table he disappeared to talk to May in the privacy of his office. It took very little persuasion to get her to agree to allow her nephew to spend a few nights a week at the tower. Especially if it meant that he wouldn't allow himself to get so exhausted that he felt the need to sneak off in the middle of the night again and Tony couldn't have been happier with the new arrangement. He'd not realized exactly how close he'd actually gotten to the kid until he was being faced with a near panic attack at the prospect of him having gone missing. Consequently, he was still smiling to himself as he reentered the kitchen.

"Everything's all set. Your curfew had officially been extended by half an hour and May agreed that you need a day off. She also agreed that from now on you can spend your weekends with me.", Tony said with an unwavering grin. "If you want to of course."

"I would love that, sir. If you're sure it's okay, I mean.", Peter said with a smile of his own, soon after hopping up to place his dishes neatly into the sink.

"It's fine. Better than fine, it's great. Means I'll have you around to do all the heavy lifting in the lab those days. My back can only take so much and the Iron Man armor isn't as comfortable as you would think. This is an absolute win for me.", Tony flippantly replied and then gestured for the boy to follow him up the stairs. "This is my room", he said as he lay his hand on the closed door at the front of the wide hall before turning to open the door that was adjacent to it. "...and this is going to be your room", he pointed out while watching the kid's eyes light up at the sight. "We'll have to get you some stuff to keep here and redecorate so that it suits you but there's a bathroom, a walk-in closet and the bed should be comfortable enough."

"This is amazing. Thank you, Mr. Stark.", Peter replied all starry-eyed and grateful.

"You're welcome, kid.", Tony said, chuckling at the way the teenager dramatically fall backward onto the mattress. "Now you go ahead and get some rest. I'll have FRIDAY will tell me when you're up and then I can drive you home.", said with some remorse. He would have loved to have had to kid stay there for the whole day but his aunt had insisted that he needed to get home. Though he was already looking forward to the weekend.

"Thank you for letting me stay, Mr. Stark.", Peter said as he peeled back the duvet and climbed under the sheet.

"You're more than welcome.", Tony returned as he gave in to the urge to run his fingers through the boy's hair, smiling when the kid leaned into his touch. "Good-night, Buddy.", he whispered and then quietly slipped out of the bedroom.

#cross-post #ao3fic #Marvel #MCU #tony stark & peter parker #peter parker #Tony Stark #dad!tony #irondad and spiderson #fanfiction #fluff #I'm starting to figure this out!

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taeyongbestboi · 4 years

Text

Okay, so i just took a nap and had the most fanfic / wattpad dream EVER like idek anymore.

It goes like this

I was on a music show concert and one of the artist in the line up was nct dream (we young era OMG THEY’RE SO TINY) and i decided to buy a more expensive seating section, while my friends bought the cheaper one (it was 50 thousand rupiah and mine costed 75 thousand rupiah). It was kinda like “Spotify on Stage” or something, so they’re cheap.

Anyway, idk why but i decided to bring my dog with me and he’s just running all over the place and i noticed that the venue itself wasn’t really crowded (idk why either) and my dog accidentally went to the venue (that time the gate wasn’t even opened) and i took a peek inside and it wasn’t that big. It has 2 levels and apparently, my ticket was idk what happened but i should be on the main section (1st floor) but ended up being on the 2nd level on the LEFT WING jeez. So all of my friends went in first, they all got to the 2nd floor, leaving me and my dog behind and i patiently waited for my section’s gate to be opened.

And so, it finally open. There wasn’t anyone going to my section and i was going in alone (?) pretty weird huh. And so i sat down, kinda near the railing or a wall (the railing or wall is on my right) and who knows where my dog went but he just wasn’t with me anymore (its a dream, relax)

AND SUDDENLY

CHRISTOPHER FREAKING BANG WAS SITTING BESIDES ME.

I’m laughing rn

So he sat down. Lemme describe his physical appearance and look in DETAILS.

He’s wearing a black tshirt (duh, his usual), his hair’s blonde (MY UTMOST FAV), and he’s wearing silver jewelries like a bracelet and also skz’s necklace. He’s so pale jeeeeeeez omg and doesn’t wear that much makeup lol. You know guys, i can LITERALLY feel that he’s besides me. Creepy right omg what kind of dream

And, he’s gorgeous. Guys, he’s so gorgeous :”) i feel like crying right now

AND THEN WE TALK. WE TALKED LMAO

Okay, so i can only remember some, so it goes like this

“Whoa, aren’t you Bang Chan from Skz?”

“Yeah that’s me” and he laughed

AND THIS DREAM WAS SO MADE SENse like HE’S AUSTRALIAN AND HE SPEAKS ENGLISH AND PLEASE IMAGINE

“Wow, what are you doing here?”

“Idk, just seeing a concert, being like a normal people”

Up to this point, only two things went weird. 1st is that i have no idea where my dog went, 2nd idek which country i’m in rn. How is bangchan here watching the same show with me?

After that i just went “ahhh” while nodding and i actually told him that i want to this section alone cos apparently my friends r on another section so i’m thankful that he sits besides me.

And he got closer, talk into my ear (cos the concert’s starting) and said “you’re most welcome”

AND HE ALSO THANKED ME FOR TREATING HIM LIKE A NORMAL GUY AND NOT AS A CELEBRITY

And i did the same :/ i lean in and said “anytime”

AND

AMDISNJZSIUAKKZISB I CANT

THIS PART MAKES ME GO BOOOOOM BOOOOOOM

i’m writing this with the biggest and dumbest smile on my face dang

He said that he got kinda shy after i spoke right into his ear like that (cos we’re too close)

AND I LITERALLY WENT “NOOOO DON’T SAY THAT” and blushed hard damn boy

AND HE’S ALL CUTE AND GIDDY WHILE SAYING THAT???? U KNOW WHEN HE’S GIDDY? A giant fluff ball indeed.

Okay, so then we ended up enjoying the concert together like we’re homies. We laughed, we cheered (i cheered for the dreamies tho lol) and our shoulders would often met and we’ll laugh about it omg it was heavenly

At one point i realised that it was just a dream and i have the audacity to think “well, even if it’s just a dream, make it last” WOW I’M SO COOL LMAO

And the show ends and i forgot whether it’s before the show or after the show but Chan actually asked me out. LIKE HAHAHAHHAHA HE ASKED ME OUT YAS GURL U HEARD ME RIGHT

He said, “why don’t we hang out a little?”

And i was like :0 “o-okay...”

Well i mean, i wouldn’t mind tho??? ITS CHRISTOPHER FREAKING BANG

AHHHHHH AND AND AND I ALSO TOLD HIM (at one point on our convo before the show starts) that i actually like him and that he’s one of my bias in skz and he was like “oh, really??” And i was like “bruh, i watched your show on Januari 2019 in Jakarta!!” And we laughed (again) and he seemed happy to know that i’m a stay

Back to the topic where he asked me out and i said yes and we exchanged our contacts i forgot it was our numbers or sns? Idk i don’t remember.

ONE DAY, he really picked me up y’all. I cant anymore

So apparently, we’re in my country, in my city, basically my territory. And in this dream, i wasn’t super rich, my family was actually struggling to live. And i live in this tall but old building, alongside my neighbours who were as poor as us. We live in flats, yes, that’s the word. And the building we’re living in is actually my church building irl so it felt super real.

The one who picked me up was actually his driver. I have to pick Chan somewhere in the city. After that we decided to grab some meal and we start throwing each other silly questions

Me: “well, what’s your fav food?”

Him: “rice.” WHILE SMIRKING LIKE ????

Me: “bruh, we’re asian!! We eat rice!” I laughed

And he laughed

Akxjdndkdisnkzjdbaksj naui simjang

Me: “okay, what is your fav food OTHER than rice?”

And after that i cant remember anything anymore (about the convo :))

I also can’t remember where we had lunch, this 2nd half of my dream is just us inside his car

Then we talked about a lot of things. I remember telling him a lot about my story (i just cant remember the exact things i told him, nothing really absurd though just my interests n stuffs), and he would too, and just like that back and forth. The ambience was nice, and relaxing. That time i really felt time has stopped because irl i need to deal with quite a lot if things (that include my thesis, the struggle to keep on going as my parent’s business wasn’t in the prettiest shape due to covid-19, and other stuffs). And the fact that i really need someone to talk to atm makes the dream 1000000000000% better.

So, it was the time for us to finally call it a day. And i know by heart that after all of this end, i wouldn’t be able to meet him again. How could i? I have experienced a full day hang out with the precious Christopher Bang, i couldn’t ask for more right? It was more than enough for me and i’ll continue to be his ordinary fan. On our way back to where i live, we kinda became quite. As if none of us wanted it to end.

And

Omg i said the word ‘and’ like a thousand times now

Okay so

Listen

It was 15 minutes away from where i live, so our meeting would soon come to an end.

And he suddenly pulled out some kind of a recorder or a music player idk it has a can-like-shape, and start playing a track.

It was an unreleased track. About a girl who make his heart goes warm, someone who supports him for who he is.

I nearly cried writing this guys

And he asked me to listen to it

And i did

And i was like “chan, this is beautiful”

And U KNOW THE FEELING

OF AN INEVITABLE GOODBYE

THAT ANGSTY FEELING

INSIDE YOUR GUT

I FEEL THAT

*cries*

The song is beautiful. The lyrics, the melody, everything’s perfect.

I managed to listen to it twice, but i cant remember how it sounds like. But it was BEAUTIFUL. Trust me on this.

And i just remembered, THE SONG IS IN FREAKIN KOREAN. I cant speak korean :”) but i understands EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. Dreams r cool

And he got all giddy again with his goofy smile, and somehow my brain process it to:

‘Chan wrote that song a long time ago, probably. Well, definitely before we met. He’s now showcasing it to me and the lyrics clicked and maybe i’m the girl in the lyrics’

I don’t wanna make it sound like it’s all about me (even tho it’s my dream :”)) so i asked him

“This song is about stays, right?”

And he answered

“Well, you’re a stay right? So, yes.”

OKAY :”””””””

I feel like he felt that our meeting was destined, even though we’ll never gonna see each other again after this, we know that both of us are grateful for this meeting.

Omg i really hope that i’ll dream like that again tonight

OH SIS I’M NOT DONE YET.

So, we arrived at my place. He parked the car and i was still listening to the song and when it came to its end, IDK WHY but (please forgive me for this idek what i’m doing) and i somehow REACHED FOR HIS ABS? TRAILED IT ALL THE WAY UP WITH MY RIGHT PALM (Jesus, forgive me), and then we

Kissed.

Yes. Just like that.

And the next thing that i remember is that he accompany me until i’m outside my flat, and people on my neighbourhood wondered who’s the guy (cos he looked rich and handsome) LMAO

And then i wake up.

This is one of the few dreams that i remember that has a nice ending. The nap ends when the dream ends. It was sooooooo satisfying!

——————————————————————————

Okay thank you for listening to my unimportant story :”) i do hope one day you’ll get a sweet sweet dream of your bias just like me. Have a good day, y’all!

#skz #stray kids #dream #fanfic #nap #stay #bangchan #woojin #lee know #changbin #felix #han #jisung #hyunjin #seungmin #i.n #in #jeongin #alskndaukshdn #i love my life #jyp

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superhusbands-superfan · 5 years

Text

Endgame Alternate Ending

okay so hear me out (and fair warning - continuing to read this is probably going to cause significant distress and I’m sorry, but but BUT it’s important) because I’ve been thinking about the way Endgame should have ended for MONTHS now and nothing I’ve been able to come up with has been quite right.

But then. But THEN. I had this thought. This kind of fantastical, slightly crazy idea that they absolutely NEVER would have gone with in a Marvel movie as big as Endgame (or really ever for reasons you’ll see shortly) but I’m pretty sure this is officially how I would have wanted the movie to play out if I had a seat in the writer’s room.

It’s a *wee* bit dramatic, but hey I didn’t actually have the benefit of a writer’s room telling me when to tone it down. It’s just me here, so I hope you’ll all bear with me anyway lol. I’m going to post the fic below on its own without additional comment and then reblog this post with a long explanation for why I feel this ending makes sense, so please check that out in a bit if you’re interested in hearing more of my thoughts on this idea :).

Everything in the movie is exactly the same up through most of the final battle, and we pick up at roughly the point where Thanos and Tony do their little tug-of-war with the stones.

Strap in, folks. I’m so sorry. (trigger warning in the tags)

Endgame Alternate Ending

They skirmish over the stones for a few seconds because Thanos thinks Tony needs the gauntlet, but he doesn’t. Tony needs to buy enough time to get the stones, yes. But he has them by the time Thanos throws him a good several yards away.

Thanos goes through the standard, arrogant motions; he’s posturing for the masses around him. He raises his hand and says, “I am inevitable,” and snaps. Nothing happens.

We’re in the endgame now, Tony thinks. Finally.

He’s tired. He wants to end this.

Strange confirmed this is the one timeline where they win. Tony knows what that means. He designed a nanotech infinity stone gauntlet into his armor as a failsafe for exactly this reason. He’s a genius, damn it, and he has seen this coming for years. He’s expected it since New York. Since Ultron.

Morgan, Pepper, and Peter deserve to live in a world that’s not constantly facing imminent demise.

He’s ready for it to be over.

Tony pulls himself up. He raises his hand and struggles to hold it together as the power of the infinity stones surges almost uncontrollably through the suit. He knows this is going to kill him. It’s worth it.

Tony says, “And I am Iron Man.” He snaps.

And nothing happens.

For a few seconds, anyway. Then, inexplicably, the army is disappearing. Thanos’ followers, disciples — whatever the hell they call themselves — start disintegrating. They’re all turning to dust right before his eyes.

Tony looks down at his armor-covered right hand and can’t make sense of what he’s seeing because the stones aren’t there, and he’s still alive… but Thanos & Co. are disappearing anyway.

He wants to laugh. Or cry. It’s a toss-up.

The giddy, confused relief lasts for about two seconds before what’s left of his mangled heart drops. Or, more accurately, enters a complete and seemingly endless free fall. He closes his eyes to hold back his tears because he knows.

There’s only one person in the world who knows him well enough to have known what he was planning to do. Only one person who would have done anything to prevent him from doing it.

Quietly over comms, Rhodey says, “Tones, I need you over here.”

For some reason, his brain supplies him with a memory from what feels like a century ago but was only fifteen years prior.

“You’re going to kill yourself, Tony. I’m not going to be a part of it,”

He chokes on a silent sob.

FRIDAY directs him to Rhodey’s location.

When he gets there, his best friend is kneeling down to press a gentle kiss to Pep’s hairline. Rhodey looks over at him when he arrives, and Tony can tell from his expression that Rhodey’s already checked her vitals.

She’s not going to make it.

Tony swears he can feel his heart shatter, and it’s ten times worse than anything he went through in that godforsaken cave in Afghanistan.

This is not what was supposed to happen. This is not the type of strength he was prepared to need today. He doesn’t know how to watch his wife — his brilliant, beautiful, absolute force of nature of a wife — slowly slip away from him forever. No amount of superheroing could have ever prepared him for this.

He doesn’t have any strength left to give. Especially not for this.

But this is exactly the type of strength he’s been asking her to maintain for fifteen years.

So yeah, he can do this. He will do this.

He will do this for Pepper. He will be with Pep now, and there will be plenty of time for falling apart later.

He takes another deep breath and gets down so they’re at eye level. He puts his hand over her heart, wishing the suit wasn’t in the way so he could try and fool himself into believing her heart isn’t moments from giving out.

She manages a little half-smile when she sees him, and brings her hand up to cover his. She’s been ravaged by the stones up her right side, but Tony is certain that she is exactly as beautiful as she’s always been.

“Hey, Pep,” he says. He’s proud that his voice doesn’t shake.

“Tony,” she whispers back, in that fond, exasperated tone she uses far too often when she says his name. Almost like it’s habit by now. “You’re going to be okay. You both are.” She’s struggling to get the words out, but they’re still clear as day.

“Yeah, we’re going to be okay, Pep. Morgan and I are going to be good. You don’t need to worry about us. You saved us.”

“I know,” she says, a smirk playing at her lips. It must be obvious that he’s not following because she exhales sharply in a way that might be a laugh. “Rescue.”

It clicks then. He’d called her suit “Project Rescue” the entire time he’d worked on it. It was only supposed to be for extreme emergency situations. Ones where Tony was needed elsewhere and Pepper was on Morgan extraction and protection detail.

“For the record, this was not what I meant by that name,” he says.

“I know,” she says again. This time, her voice is softer. She’s fading fast, and they both know it. Pepper blinks once, hard, and looks at Tony in that way only she can — the way that means she’s seeing right into his soul. “But you can rest now.”

Tony’s not always great with unspoken communication, but he knows ‘I love you’ in just about every way Pepper has ever managed to say it. And it isn’t escaping him now.

He smiles at her — a real, genuine smile in spite of the situation — because of course she would say it that way. Of course she would bring that exact phrase back now. It’s exactly why he loves her so much.

“Yep. Square deal. You did the saving this time, so I’ll rest. I promise.” He means it.

Pepper moves her chin the tiniest bit. Tony thinks it was an attempt at a nod.

He leans closer and kisses her forehead. Brushes her hair back gently.

“I’ve got you, honey,” he whispers, and kisses her again.

The arc reactor embedded in her suit’s chest piece flickers and goes out. She’s gone.

All his traitorous brain can come up with as an end to the conversation - their last conversation — is, That will be all, Ms. Potts.

He collapses into her metal-encased chest and finally lets himself sob.

#tw: major character death #pepperony #tony stark #pepper potts #that’s our pepper potts ladies and gents #MCU #Marvel #avengers endgame #endgame alternative ending #😭😭😭#I think I broke my own heart

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jerkbitchidjitassbutt · 5 years

Text

Moments (Part 14-Fin)

Characters: Jensen x Reader; Jared Padalecki; SPN Cast members

Anon Request: Hello, I was wondering if i could request a Jensen x Fan Reader fic were they meet at a con. There they keep running into each other. Thank You.

Summary: Attending a convention has always been a dream - and that dream is now a reality. Little did you know a clumsy run-in would lead to meeting one of your favorite actors. Who knows what the weekend will hold.

A/n: As always, thanks to my sweet beta, @winchester-writes. Masterlist is attached in a reblog if you’d like to catch up! W/C: 1900. Warnings: none? Jensen and Jared being adorable. Maybe a smidge of embarrassment? Alllll the fluff. Literally, like lethal fluff. Unrealistic level fluff.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is single in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

“This is what I want. This is the only thing I've ever wanted. Everything else—every single second of every single day that has come before this very moment, this kiss—has meant nothing.” ― Lauren Oliver, Delirium

“Its… its about a picture.”

It wasn’t that the question was entirely a surprise. You had made it about 30 minutes into the J2 panel before someone brought it up. You knew people would be skeptical and want to dig, but a part of you was still shocked when young Caroline proposed the question.

Your feet halted in place, cementing you in the middle of the aisle in a crowded ballroom. Your back was turned to the stage as she continued with trepidation in her voice, “I don't want to pry…”

Jensen held his hands in a shrug with a large smile on his face, “Obviously.” He joked. The crowd laughed, but he settled them quickly by probing her further, “No, its okay. Please continue.”

The microphone shook slightly in her hands as she held it up to speak, “A picture was on social media this morning of you.”

“What picture? Is it of me?” Jared asked.

“She just said it was of me.” Jensen retorted, causing his friend to snort and back away slightly and the audience to giggle. “What picture is it?”

“This one!” Someone yelled from the first row, their arm extended with a phone screen lit. Both men leapt off of their chairs and ventured toward the end of the stage, taking the phone and peering at the evidence.

You were still standing beside your assigned row toward the back of the room, but hadn’t ventured back to your seat. You were enthralled in the exchange that was happening on stage.

Jensen held the cell phone closer to his face and then further away, like someone who needed their glasses but didn’t have them.

“Is that even me?” he questioned, feigning innocence. When those in front of him roared, “Yes!”, he retreated, palms facing the crowd in surrender and shock.

He handed the phone back to its owner and went back to his seat, Jared following close behind him. “Well, we’ve established its me.” He mocked. “So, Caroline, what is your question, then?” he beckoned.

“My question is… is there a relationship update that we need?” she giggled.

Y/f/n’s eyes darted between you and Jensen, noting that his face turned a particular shade of red and his smile widened. She contemplated leaping out of her seat and rushing to your side, to urge you to sit down or to leave the room, but she elected to leave you be.

You simply stood, waiting to hear his answer with your hands covering your mouth. Your brain was screaming for you to sit down or retreat, something, but your body didn’t listen.

Jensen dropped his head as Jared held a fist under his chin, beckoning towards his co-star and waiting for an answer. Jensen turned to look at him and open palm pushed his face away with an even larger grin.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he spoke into the mic, “there… there is someone.”

You jumped slightly when the crowd cheered wildly and a few people stood to clap. It surprised you. It was almost as though you were expecting a different reaction.

When the applause dulled, someone yelled, “Who is she?” Another blurted, “Tell us about her!”

“Okay, okay!” he yelled in a faux grumpy façade. “You really wanna know?” he teased.

A resounding scream told him his answer.

He hesitated, looking toward his feet and rubbing the back of his neck shyly.

“I actually just met her a few days ago… but I’ll be honest with you guys.” Jensen paused and veered his sight toward the crowd. It was still difficult to see in the overhead lights, and this wasn’t as private as he would’ve hoped your discussion would be, but he wanted to make it known to you and whomever would listen. “I’m already smitten with this girl.”

Everyone in the room ‘awed’ as the air left your lungs.

He was still staring in your direction as he spoke slowly and deliberately, timing each phrase perfectly, “She’s amazing. She’s smart and funny. The few days that I’ve spent with her have been magic. I’m serious, you guys. I’ve… uh… I’ve never been one of those people who totally believes in fairytales or anything, but I’m starting to believe a little bit more. She looks at me like no one else ever has; like I’m the only person in the room, no matter how many people are there. And right now,” he took a deep breath, thinking heavily before allowing the words to flow from his lips, “she’s the only one in this room to me.”

An audible gasp left just about everyone sitting in their chairs, heads turning furiously from side to side to gaze over the crowd. A hush of whispers—and not so much whispers—of people questioning, “she’s here? Where?”

“To clarify, yes. She is here.” Jensen assured, nodding and wiggling in his seat while he adjusted his shirt. “We met here, at the hotel… But…” he held up a hand to steady the crowd, many of whom were still engaged in hushed conversations of spectacle, “we’re not entirely ‘public’ yet.” He said using Jared’s overly exaggerated air quotes around the ‘public’ part, looking to his friend to make it known that he was intending it as a well-meaning jab to poke fun.

“Let me tell you guys something; this dude’s got it bad!” Jared drawled, finally speaking into the microphone. “But listen guys, I’m all for it. I’ve met her; most of the cast has met her. She’s really awesome… You know what? Speaking of which, have you actually asked her out yet?” he boomed, speaking with enunciation and articulating the ‘t’ in yet with a cheeky smirk on his lips.

Jensen eyed his friend and turned a different shade of pink, one of both embarrassment and giddiness, shushing him loudly.

“Have you?” Caroline asked boldly, almost forgotten on the side of the stage.

“Who’s side are you on, Caroline?!” Jensen yelled accusingly. The audience laughed again, always pleased with a bit of grumpy!Jensen. Caroline, whose nerves had seemingly subsided, appeared to shrug her shoulders as she waited for him to answer. “Officially? Not exactly.” The audience roared and questioned why. “It's complicated you guys.” He sighed, “My whole interest is protecting her. I’d waltz right up to her now and declare it to the world if I knew she was ready, but until she…” he paused, eyeing you directly for a short moment, “tells me so, I will do everything in my power to make sure she’s comfortable.”

People were still looking around the room, searching for whoever this mystery woman could be. Others were holding their hands over their chest, clearly swooning over his confession, but no one could swoon harder than you in that moment. He was right. You wanted to tell everyone within a 10-mile radius and beyond that you were falling hard for the man on stage.

You weren’t sure if he could see you, but you gave him a nod, signifying that you were ready for whatever he was.

Jensen’s face lit up with a beaming smile, not leaving yours for a moment of bliss.

Finally, Jensen spoke into the mic, a slight shake in his voice at first, “Alright. Well, guys… wudya think? Should I ask her?”

“YES!” everyone shouted.

“Are you sure?” he questioned.

“YES!”

“Positive?”

Jared screamed into his microphone, “Yes!”, causing the speakers to squeal and nearly busting the eardrums of everyone present.

Jensen stepped off of his chair with rosy cheeks and made his way down the ramp on the side of the stage. Cell phones popped up from every angle as he strolled through the room with the microphone in his hand. He walked with determination, but a nervousness could be seen in his adorably shy demeanor.

The overhead lights came on as he passed the front of the stage and turned down the row where you stood, still motionless with teary eyes. He lifted his eyes from the burgundy and gold carpet as soon as his feet carried him around the bend of chairs in the first row. When he met your eyes, a new sense of determination and certainty seemed to wash over him and he flipped the microphone in his hand as his pace quickened.

You couldn’t help but twist your hands in anticipation. If it wasn’t obvious that you were the mystery woman before, it began to click in people’s minds as they looked between you and the actor who was purposefully striding towards you.

In that moment, nothing else was in focus. All that was visible was him, his green eyes shining and his plump lips sealed together in a smile.

Jensen considered slowing his step. He contemplated making some sort of speech when he planted himself in front of you. In the ten seconds it took for him to reach you, a million different scenarios passed through his mind as to how he could make this moment perfect for you, but only one seemed to do his desire justice. He marched toward you, row by row passing and the roar of the crowd dulled to a whir in his ears.

When he finally reached you, he simply circled his arms around your waist and pulled you to him, capturing your lips as the crowd boomed with applause. You locked your wrists around his neck and balanced on your toes to reach his mouth immediately. Hearing nothing but your own heartbeat pounding in your ears, everything around you became hazy.

Jensen reached toward your hair and cradled your head in his hand, planting kiss after kiss to your lips until he slowly retreated.

Taking your hand, he held the microphone to his lips and said, “Y/n. I think its only appropriate that I ask you—in front of the SPN family—“ he gestured across the room, making them all roar in excitement, “officially, to be my girlfriend. I know its quick, and the road ahead is still a little unknown, but I know I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I didn't take this chance with you.” he dropped the microphone to his side, so that only you and those around you could hear the rest, “What do you say, sweetheart? Want to give this a try?”

The two of you didn’t know everything about one another yet. You didn’t know everything about each other’s childhoods, but you knew enough of the man in front of you. From your conversations, you knew the important things. You knew birthdays and favorite songs. You knew hopes and dreams. You knew he was sensitive, sweet, and caring above all else. So, you already knew what your answer would be.

Nodding eagerly, you replied, “Yes.”

Jensen hugged you to him, nuzzling himself into the crook of your neck, before taking your hand and waltzing you to the stage. He introduced you to the crowd as his ‘newly appointed’ girlfriend, and then sent you backstage where the rest of the cast met you with open arms.

“I’m sending her back there so you guys don't stampede her after we’re done.” Everyone laughed as he positioned himself on his chair next to Jared, a bright, glowing grin present on his lips. “Alrighty then… since that’s out of the way…” he chuckled, adjusting the microphone in his hands, “should we move on? Next question!”

Y/f/n had been standing from her chair, along with a good portion of the room, taking video of the whole interaction. In that instance, she knew she had never been more proud of you. Taking a chance, leaping towards your own happiness—it was what she had always hoped for you. She turned the camera to herself and spoke with teary eyes and sniffles, “best. weekend… ever.”

Fin.

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