#i hope i did not bore you with this essay :')

[hellolulu]

Shigeo Saves The Cat

A Dive Into What The Cat Symbolises

During the Mogami Arc, Mogami had created a world in which Shigeo had no powers, and was hated by all the people he loved. In this cruel world, Shigeo was presented with a cat, and this cat died because he was unable to protect it.

During the car crash, Shigeo used his powers in public, to save the cat. He has, at this point, come to accept that his powers can be used for good, and that they're not just to be used in dire situations. He used them to help the others call a ufo, after all! That's pretty chill! For... you know, having super cool powers that you can do just about anything with.

Although he hasn't begun to use them for his own sake, he saw the danger coming, and was able to save the cat. [And, to a different extent, using his physical powers, saved the kid. But this isn't about the kid or the fact he used both sides of himself to save 2 different entities, haha]

Then he gets hit, and ??? takes the stage. He still rejects his powers as part of his personhood; (a conscious being made from his own repressed self) he can accept them as if they're a certain muscle in the body, or an extra limb, but only now is he able to see that this is a mental thing, not physical.

During the final arc, in large part thanks to Reigen (of course, also thanks to Hanazawa, Ritsu, and Dimple, but the point is Reigen's words are the ones to calm him down) this repressed self is accepted not as part of his body, the way the body is a case for the mind, but as part of himself. A part of his mind. Which he very much had been sealing up and repressing.

Then, in the after-part, Shigeo sees a cat, and assumes it's stuck. He acts, moving forward to climb the pole. He doesn't think anything like "it might be easier with psychic powers, but I should use the body I've been working on" or "I would rather use my physical body than my powers to save this cat" he simply moves. Not a single complicated thought goes through his mind. He acts. His powers are part of him; his body, his person, his ESP - all of it is him, and he simply did the most natural thing that came to mind. He climbed the pole using muscles he'd worked on, but not as opposed to his powers - just because it was the first response he came up with. [And as a muscle obsessed boy, it's unsurprising haha!]

But he does not save the cat.

Because the cat, regardless of him and his story, is just that. It's a cat. It's got nothing to do with him; it's neutral. It's an entity with its own path, it doesn't need him in order to survive. It's not on him to save or to protect it, not on him to do anything at all about it. It's on him just to want to act, to want to care. He's changed from a boy who was afraid to act at all, to one who acts without reservation.

And saving the cat was never his goal in the first place.

Tldr:

Mogami presented a cat that he needed to save, but that he was unable to save.

The car-crash presented a cat that needed saving, and that he was able to save.

And the finale presented a cat that, at the end of the day, has nothing to do with what he must do to live life to the fullest. He's just a teenage boy who has a girl he likes, and who goes to school like everyone else. His powers are just a part of him, nothing he has to pay the universe back for. There's no big magical destiny, no cats to save.

He can finally simply exist.

...

For now!! Dun dun dun...

I'm kidding.

Or am I?!

[im-smart-i-swear]

If it is alright if i ask, but what is Eenek's (they are the Galran kid right) relationship with the funky guys like?

oh i havent really had a chance to talk about Eenek yet!

their relationship w/ the clones is complicated - these people kept them safe and took care of them for years, and eenek slowly grew to see them as family - but the road to get there was long and winding.

at the beggining they were definetly distrustful and agressive, but also these weirdos were literally the only other people on this shithole of a planet, so they didnt really have a choice but to stick with them. (they tried very hard to look intimidating and serious but theyre literally the galran equivalent of 13. and also very small for a galran, so really they just ended up looking like an scared angry cat)

they are propably the closest with the other kids - Pal, Taks and Taka. technically pal is the oldest, but hes not a very responsible older brother(hes trying tho!!). neither is eenek but beggars cant be choosers, so they ended up as the oldest sibling.

beacuse of the language barrier pal was the only person they could have a real conversation with for years, and after a rocky start they became really great friends! they try to be responsible older siblings(with varying degrees of sucess), take turns rambling about random stuff and help each other process the trauma of growing up surrounded by people telling them to sacrafice themselves for the greater good :)

dont leave eenek and taks alone for too long or theyll wreck your shit and steal all your valuables. even though they couldnt freely communicate w/ each other for a big chunk of their relationship, they still manage to wreck havoc<3 seperately theyre smart young people but toghether they come up with the dumbest most recless ideas and execute them flawlessly. when taks saw eenek for the first time she decided shes going to befriend that cool purple alien no matter what and eenek could do nothing about it.

taka is The Baby TM and to be protected by all costs.

to say tashi was freaked out when he first saw eenek is a huge understatement - what the fuck?? is this??? an alien????? he barely knew how to aproach scared human kids, so a very scared, very confused purple alien teenager was not ideal. he did his best(as always) - made sure to give them space and patiently waited for them to get more comfortable. in the beginning eenek thought tashi was the worst choice for a leader, but he proved them wrong many times. they actually grew to respect him quite a lot beacuse of how he manages to keep everyone(mostly) under control not by force or threats, but rather by finding compromises and admitting when hes wrong. also hes funny and taught them how to sew!

at first eenek tried to avoid soup - shes imposing and can look threatning - but she would never hurt them. since theyre stuck on a wild planet they have to hunt for food, and soup is the main hunter of their little family. eenek helps her a lot, setting up traps and scaring the animals in her direction(they are a bit queasy though so they leave the kills and preparation to her and tashi). they also like just sitting toghether in silence to calm down :)

them and buddy have a really weird relationship. for the first weeks/months(before buddy explained the clone situation to everyone) eenek was terrified of him beacuse they knew who he was - the black paladin of voltron. they stayed as far away from them as possible... until they realised the only thing he was worried about was them talking about his past and other than that left them alone. later on, after buddy came clean, they started to try and convince eenek that maybe the galran empire isnt that cool after all - but theres only so much you can do when the person youre talking to is a kid desperately clinging to the remnants of their childhood and also spent the last few years of their life with 'vrepit sa' as their defining personality trait. buddy drops the topic eventually(for now. they havent given up, hes just waiting for the right opportunity). after that they actually start to get along pretty well! buddy helps them improve their fighting skills a lot, and also it turns out theyre both painfully stubborn dumasses(it gets even worse when you throw taks into the mix)

jesus fuck. thats a lot of words..

heres some drawing of them and taks! (these are a bit old tho, their design looks a little diffrent now)

uhhh i also wrote like 4 paragraphs about eeneks childhood and motivations but this is long enough alreadyyyy(maybe ill edit it in later if anyone wants to read it)

[bougainvillea-and-saltwater]

for the ask game—👄 and 🪞 for Miraak; 🪞 and 💇 for the lovely Jia! 😊

Aww, thank you so much for asking me about these two favorite dragons of mine! 🥰🥰

Miraak:

👄 What is your OC’s smile like? Is it bright and wide, or thin and reserved? Does your OC wear any lipgloss or lipstick? Do they chew their lips?

So, similar to Jia, Miraak's smile is quite reserved. He had not an easy life either, and as he grew up in an era of draconic oppression, tyranny, blood, and constant death, I believe Miraak was pained and emotionally inhibited from a young age. Not to mention an almost death blow dealt with by his friend, whom Miraak considered brother (Vahlok), and right afterward, his endless imprisonment in Apocrypha. I think he has forgotten how is it to feel and thus smile, so at the beginning of his liberated life in Nirn, he mostly smirks--imperceptible and thin, so whole-hearted smiles are quite rare for him. But similar to Jia, he will gradually find his smile, and together they might be able to feel again. 👀 🥰

🪞 How does your OC perceive themselves? Do they believe themselves to be attractive, unattractive, or average? Does their view of themselves affect their self-esteem, or are they unbothered by their physical appearance? (If your OC does have things they’re confident or insecure about, what are they?)

Ahh, that's my favorite question! Well, I personally imagine Miraak as a handsome man, maybe not with the typical norms of beauty, but still a man with an imposing bearing. I believe that before he became tainted with Hermaeus Mora's ink and his appearance altered, he had sufficient self-esteem, and he comprehended he maintained a distinct, mightier aura than the rest, not necessarily because of his towering Atmoran physique, but mostly because of his dragon blood which made him stood out significantly. But after the color of his eyes, his skin, and generally his whole being was marked by Mora, his self-esteem became non-existent, and in my headcanon, he feels uncomfortable and ashamed when people notice the Daedric impact on him (poor boi Miraak 😢).

Jia:

🪞: As for Jia, her self-esteem about her appearance was mostly non-existent. And although she is attractive, or more like unique considering her features, she views herself quite differently than the rest of the world. She wasn't always like this, but after the most traumatic experience of her life, in which, among others, she was constantly being humiliated for her mixed-raced blood, she gradually started to hate the way she looked, and she ended up not particularly caring about her physical appearance at all. Of course, this quite changed when she fell in love...🥰

💇 What is your OC’s hairstyle? How do they maintain their hair? Do they wash it and/or cut it regularly? Have they ever dyed their hair?

Jia has long hair, so in her adventures, she cannot but bound it. She plaits half of her hair in multiple little braids that usually are entwined with each other so they look like dragon scales, something very close to Daenerys' braids! When she is in her house she leaves her hair entirely free (again, something very much appreciated from *someone* 👀). She washes it regularly with her favorite lavender-vanilla soap, and she had dyed it only once when she had to sneak into the Thalmor Embassy incognito; the color then was black as coal. 

[xxxanteaterxxx]

Misunderstandings

siriusblack x shy!reader

Summary: You mistake Sirius Black flirting with you as him making fun of you. Remus is determined to get you two together.

CW: Misunderstanding, Remus playing matchmaker, drinking, and partying. Fluff.

Is this bad? Please someone let me know.

Sirius Black was not someone that you knew personally. You had never even spoken to the handsome boy, and you weren't really planning too either.

His name was well known throughout the school. Whispers flying around about the group of boys that he ran around with. The Marauders and the pranks they played on unsuspecting victims.

You were friends with Remus, but that was the closest you got to the group of boys.

Almost every girl in the school was convinced that they were going to marry him. Not you though, you were more than content to sit back and steer very clear of the troublesome boy.

He had never noticed you and so you paid no mind to him.

That did not mean that you knew nothing about the boy, you had ears. The rumors were hard to ignore, but that was all they were. Rumors. Nothing important to let take up the precious space in your head.

Sirius Black hated libraries. They were too quiet and filled with people who enjoyed being quiet. He hated the quiet and he hated quiet people. So why was he here? Oh yes, because his friends were forcing him to work on an essay that was due the next week.

He was already bored, and he had only made it three steps into the library. His eyes roamed the different table, looking for his friends. His eyes scanned over your lonely form for a second before they drifted to the other tables.

When he still did not find his friends, he found his eyes drifting back over to you. You were slumped into a comfy looking chair and reading a book. You were obviously very engrossed into the words onto the page. His eyes scanned your face, and he noticed then that you were very pretty.

He barely had time to think about it before his feet were taking him towards the comfortable looking chair that sat beside yours.

You paid no mind to the person who had sat next to you, opting instead to turn the page and continue reading your muggle book. You had no homework to be working on and what better way to spend your time than reading one of your favorite books. Alice in Wonderland.

Then, the person next to you cleared their throat. You couldn't help the way your eyes flickered up to see who it was. He was already staring at you, your eyes snapped back down to your book. Was that Sirius Black?

Fear began coursing through your veins. Were you about to be prank, oh god, you were. You were just about to make a move and stand up when he started talking.

"So, how come I've never seen you before?" The question was innocent, and you really weren't sure if he was talking to you or someone behind you.

You waited for someone else to answer, really hoping that he was not talking to you. You knew that you were wrong when he sighed, and a hand reached over and snatched your beloved book away.

Your face heated miserably and there was already the pressure that sat horridly behind your eyes. A very obvious sign that you were about to cry. Your eyes flickered up to look at him.

"Um, I-I'm not sure why. We have classes together." You spoke back quietly, your eyes looking down to his lap where your book sat. It was closed and your place had been lost. Your throat felt tight.

"No, really?" Sirius paused, before a smirk grew on his lips. "I'm sure I would have noticed a pretty face like yours, love." He spoke again. Was he making fun of you? You couldn't tell, but your face grew even hotter at the thought.

Then you realized that he was making fun of you. You needed to get out of here. The room was beginning to blur and the next thing you knew, you were standing up and rushing out of the room. Your book forgotten and tears starting to stream down your face.

Sirius was left alone, holding a stupid book that he had no interest in. His friends had finally decided to show up, his mood was already soured.

"What the hell did you say to her, Pads? She looked like you'd kicked her cat." James was laughing at him; Sirius felt his mood sour even more.

He gripped the book he had taken from you and stood up, ready to follow his friends.

You had hoped he had left the book, going back a few hours later to search for it. You could have cried all over again when you realized that it wasn't.

Sirius Black was not used to rejection. It was a feeling he hated. So maybe that's why he couldn't stop thinking about you. It didn't help that he still had your stupid book either.

He had found himself thinking about you quite often. The way you were sat curled up, looking so small in that chair in the library. Or the way your eyes seemed to sparkle when you had looked up a him. Or the way you stuttered when had spoken to you.

He wasn't enamored with you by any means, because Sirius Black didn't have crushes. He didn't pine after people the way James did. He didn't do commitment. So, why were you occupying his thoughts. There was nothing special about you, besides the way you left him in the library without a second glance.

He began to see you everywhere and realized that you did have classes together. He was quite embarrassed at that but chose not to let it show. He didn't let his eyes linger on you, but he couldn't help but look towards you when you giggled at something one of your friends would say in class. Or when you would whisper the answers to questions quietly, even when it wasn't you who was called to answer.

He thought he was being subtle, he really did.

"So, what's that about?" Remus had asked him as his eyes followed your form. You had just walked out of your last class with the Gryffindors.

"Hm? What?" Sirius had asked, turning to look at his friend. Remus looked at him with a knowing look.

"Why have you been staring at Y/N Y/L/N every chance you get?" It was James who had asked this time. "Didn't you make her cry?"

Sirius felt his head snap up to stare at his friends incredulously. Had he really made you cry? For some odd reason that did not make Sirius feel good.

"Oh, you don't know." Remus sighed, clapping his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "She thinks you were making fun of her." Sirius felt his heart drop.

"I called her pretty!" Sirius spluttered out in an attempt to defend himself. James huffed out a laugh and Remus rolled his eyes.

"She's shy, Pads. You can't woo a girl like her as easy as you can the others." Remus paused; the boys didn't know that he read with you from time to time. He considered you a good friend of his. "She's very shy. And also, one of my friends, so if you're just looking for a hook up, she's not the one."

Sirius stared up at his friend like he had grown two heads. Moony was friends with you? Moony thought Sirius wanted to sleep with you? Sirius could have laughed, but he didn't. Because that's what he had been going for.

Remus carried on. "She's the type of girl you settle down and marry. She's too smart and sweet for the dating with no real plans for the future." He had said. Sirius rolled his eyes and accepted that you were off limits. He still kept your book though.

Sirius Black had not been thinking of you, and when he did, he just pushed those thoughts away. He was very proud of himself.

It wasn't until he had seen a boy from Slytherin laughing loudly at something you'd said in the hallways after class one day. You were blushing in a way that made it look like your face was glowing. He watched miserably (Remus's words, not his) as the boy wrapped an arm around your shoulder. You didn't run away on the brink of tears from him.

So, what had Sirius done wrong. Remus placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from marching up to the two of you and snatching you away.

"Why don't you try and talk to her?" Remus asked, looking far more amused than Sirius had liked at the time. Sirius glared at the thought. Why should he be the one to talk to you? Remus raised his hands in surrender.

"All I'm saying is that she really is quite lovely when you get to know her." With that thought Remus was walking towards you, leaving Sirius to watch. Sirius didn't hear anything that was said.

He only watched as you blushed further when Remus pulled you away from the boy. He watched as he whispered in your ear, and he saw the way you nodded and allowed yourself to be whisked away by Sirius's own friend.

You had found yourself in Remus's company one evening. You knew he was friends with Sirius Black, but the two of you didn't really talk about your other friends. Not unless you were retelling a story that involved one of them.

Remus cleared his throat, pulling your attention away from the book you were reading and up to his face.

"You know, I think Sirius is quite taken with you." His eyes were warm, and you could see the amusement swirling around in them. You could hardly fight the blush that was taking over your face. You blinked cluelessly up at him, surely not.

"Well, I find that hard to believe Remmy." You sighed and looked away, locking your eyes onto the wallpaper across from the two of you. "He made fun of me." You willed yourself not to cry at the reminder.

Remus saw your lip wobble and sighed, pulling you towards him. "Oh dove, he was flirting with you." This caused your eyes to snap towards him, the blush growing stronger. There was no way, you had been so sure.

As if reading your mind, Remus continued. "Oh yes, and I think he would love it if you would talk to him." The thought of it made you feel nervous. You shook your head. Remus chuckled; you could feel the vibrations in his chest.

"Don't be nervous, dove." He cooed. You blushed even harder, turning to burry your face in his chest.

"M'not nervous, Remmy" You sighed. "I just don't think he and I are looking for the same things." You said, you were nervous though. You didn't like being made fun of.

"What if I made it easier, hm?" Remus asked. You pulled away from his chest to look up at him. "There's a party tomorrow and I would love if my sweet dove would come." He was looking at you, and just as you were about to say no. That those sorts of things weren't your thing, his hands moved to your side and began to dig in. He was tickling you.

You laughed. Remus thought it was a sweet sound, you were like a sweet baby sister to him. He just wanted to see you happy. "Remus-" The air was stolen from your lungs. "S-stahp!" You laughed, trying to catch your breath. Remus was relentless though.

"Not until you say yes!" He had said, you were beginning to cry, and your sides were cramping. So, you caved, nodding your head wildly and still giggling as he finally stopped his torture. You tried your best to glared up at him.

"You play dirty, sir." You had huffed and he had laughed at you before helping you up and walking you to your dorm. He had won and now he would have all of his friends at a party to hang out with him tomorrow night.

You had agreed to let him pick you up and he had even coerced you into staying the night with him tomorrow. He was looking forward to making you and Sirius talk.

You were not a party person. Which is why you were allowing the other girls in your dorm to play dress up with you. Monica was doing your make up, and Darlene was fussing over your hair. Shelly was digging through all dour of your closets to find you something to wear.

"Yes! This is perfect, Y/N, you are going to look smashing." She giggled as she turned towards the mirror to show you what she had picked. It was a dress, although it looked more like a shirt to you.

As if sensing you were about to protest, Monica spoke up. "Nope! You swore you would wear whatever we picked!" And then she told you to close your eyes so she could finish the look.

By the time you were done, you had to admit that you did look good. Monica had kept the make up very simple, going for a more natural look. Darlene had opted to let your natural curls show, twisting the top part of your hair up into a cute little bun.

The dress wasn't so bad, it was very short though and very tight. Your petite frame was on show for everyone to see. There was a knock on the door.

Darlene squealed and rushed over to open it. She ushered Remus in after telling him to close his eyes. You stood very still, looking like a deer in headlights when he did open his eyes.

His mouth dropped open, and a faint blush began to creep up on his cheeks. You beamed at him. He reached up to rub at the back of his neck and he chuckled.

"Well, now I'm not so sure if I want to share you with Sirius." He had said, and you laughed. Remus was glad you hadn't taken him seriously, even though he very much was. You smiled and accepted the arm he had offered to you.

The girls all giggled and pushed the two of you out of the room, after making sure he kept an eye on you and that you would be returned safely tomorrow morning.

The walk to Gryffindor tower was filled with Remus subtly flirting with you and you trying your hardest not to turn around and run. Not that he would let you, he kept a very firm grip on your waist in order to ensure that you wouldn't.

When you walked through the portrait you realized how many people were actually there. Suddenly, you were sweating. Remus tightened his grip on you and began leading you to the couches where you saw to very pretty girls sitting together.

They cheered when they noticed him and then you were being sat down in between Marlene Mckinnon and her girlfriend Dorcas. Remus told them to keep an eye on you while he went and grabbed drinks. The girls grinned wolfishly as Remus turned and walked away.

"So, you're Y/N." Marlene had said, leaning closer to you as if you wouldn't be able to hear her. You felt Dorcas wrap her arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to her. Marlene wasted no time in scooting closer to the both of you.

You nodded, opting to stay silent. You didn't trust your voice. You could feel the heat creeping up your neck at their close proximity.

Marlene leaned in close to your face, drawing your attention back to her. You swallowed thickly.

"You are very pretty." She sang, leaning in even closer if possible. You could feel your face heating and it seemed that she noticed as well, because she smiled wider.

"Oh, I think she likes that, D." She hummed, looking past you towards her girlfriend. Your eyes widened; did you like that? You could feel Dorcas hum in thought.

Then, Marlene was pushing even closer, leaning over you to press a kiss to her girlfriend's lips. If you weren't blushing before, you surely were now. Marlenes breast we an inch away from your face, and you tensed and tried not to move. Then she pulled back, cuddling right back up to you like nothing had happened.

"So pretty girl, you got a boyfriend? Girlfriend?" She asked, turning her head to bat her lashes at you. Her smile was so bright, you surely thought you would go blind if you stared any longer. You cleared your throat, looking away. You pretended not to hear her giggles.

"No, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment." You kept it simple and began to pray for Remus to return. She wasn't satisfied and now Dorcas seemed interested in the conversation as well.

You were shifted as Dorcas removed her arm, leaning forwards in her seat so that she could look at you as well.

"Have you ever had a partner sweet thing?" What was up with these questions, why did it matter to these girls? You shook your head as you turned to meet her eyes. She seemed surprised by your answer, and you didn't miss the way her eyes flickered to Marlene when you answered.

She licked her lips, reaching out to place her hand on your thigh. You felt Marlene place a hand on your other thigh. Then it dawned on you. They were flirting, and they were flirting with you.

Just as everything began to make sense, you knight in shining armor returned. There was Remus coming your way with two drinks in hand. He was eyeing the three of you with a slight frown on his face.

The pleading look in your eyes must have been all he needed to come to your rescue.

"Hey, dove. You ready to go mingle?" He handed you a cup and offered you his newly free hand. You nodded and pulled away from the two girls who looked like they were ready to devour you whole.

They seemed disappointed at the interruption. You smiled and before you left Marlene spoke up.

"Well, pretty girl, if you're ever ready for a relationship, you're always welcomed here." She called out as Remus began to pull you away. His grip was tight and grounding. You heart was beating out of your chest, what the heck did that mean?

When he found a semi cleared spot in the room he stopped, turning to face you. "So, seems you're making quite the impression, hm?" He grinned down at you. You flushed and nodded your head.

"I think they were flirting with me!" You cheered, bringing your cup to your lips and taking a drink. It burned and you couldn't help but scrunch your face up at the feeling. Remus chuckled and pulled you closer.

He began leading you to a different spot in the room and before you really knew where you were going you were coming face to face with his friends. The Marauders.

You gulped as Remus pulled you down onto the couch next to him. His arm stayed wrapped around you and he had you practically sitting on your lap. On your other side was Peter, you had never really talked to him, but he looked pretty sweet.

You offered him a smile when he looked over at the two of you.

"There you are Moony!" James slurred as he leaned on Lily Evans shoulder. Said girl offered you a grin and shoved James off of her and over onto Sirius.

"Y/N, right?" She gushed, and you were pretty positive that she was already drunk. You smiled and nodded anyways and tried to fight the blush that was working its way buck up your neck. "You are so pretty!" She sang as she leaned forward to get her point across.

"Yes, Lils, she is very pretty." Remus purred behind you. You missed the dark look that Sirius threw his way, but Remus did not. He grinned at Sirius and pulled you even closer, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

You took another sip of your drink, hoping that the unbearable heat running across your skin would settle but it only seemed to amplify it. Remus reached over to pull your legs over his, so instead of leaning into his chest you were now fully sitting on his lap. You didn't mind, you and Remus were always cuddled up in some way.

You went to scan the people around you, choosing to ignore the conversation happening within the group. You looked at James who was currently whispering in Lilys ear and said girl was not enjoying the way he was practically laying across her. You giggled quietly.

Then your eyes moved to Sirius who was glaring at Remus, you tilt your head back to look up at Remus who was grinning over at Sirius. You tapped his chest, causing him to look down at you. You smiled at him and moved your head to look back at Sirius. You hadn't spoken to the boy since that night in the library.

You hadn't forgot about how upset you were, but maybe Remus was right. Maybe Sirius had only been flirting with you? You wouldn't know because you had never really been involved with anyone like that.

He was already looking at you, so you offered him a smile and took another sip of your drink. It was empty though, had you really already drunk that much of it? Surely not, so you sighed and reached for the cup in Remus's hand, swapping it with your empty one.

Remus chuckled. "I'll go grab us more drinks dove." Remus moved your legs and stood up, patting the top of your head before he took off in search of more drinks.

Sirius took that as his chance, jumping up as soon as Remus was out of sight. He moved to the empty spot next to you. You looked over at him and offered him another sickly sweet smile.

You were pretty tipsy, whatever was in that cup was strong and you rarely ever drink. Sirius was so pretty and you couldn't stop yourself from leaning towards him.

"Hi." You grin, tilting your head to look up at his face. He smiled back, causing your face to heat miserably. Was it always this hot in here?

"Hello lovely." He said back, Sirius was feeling the effects of the alcohol he had consumed but he was doing his best to remember what Moony had told him. You were shy, but you were also loosed up from the drink you had. So maybe things would be different now.

"Are you enjoying the party?" He asked, trying to make conversation. He didn't want you to bolt again. He didn't think he could handle it this time. He was being so nice to you and then you realized that you had misunderstood him that night in the library.

"Yes! and I am pretty sure that these two girls were flirting with me." You said, a large grin sat on your pretty face and Sirius could feel one making its way on his face at the sight. "Do you still have my book?" You asked him.

Sirius felt his heart drop, he did still have your book and he really hoped you wouldn't be mad. He had read it and he had seen the little notes you had left in it. What you thought about certain things and what you would have done at certain parts. He hated reading but he loved that book. Your book.

"Uh yes, I do. I read it actually." He said quietly, as if he were embarrassed to admit it. You leaned in closer to hear him. He saw no anger on your face.

"What did you think of it? Sorry about all the scribbles, I like to make notes of things." You rambled on, waving your hands as you talked. You didn't notice how close you were to him, and he wasn't about to point it out.

"It was very good love, I actually think it's my favorite book now." Your eyes lit up at that. He liked the book and it's his favorite too? You giggled at the thought.

"It's my favorite book too!" You grinned, reaching out to grab his arm. Sirius felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest at the look in your eyes. He realized then that he really was smitten with you, and he never wanted this feeling to stop.

Remus was coming back now, not that you noticed. He handed you your drink and took the seat across from you, not bothering to make Sirius move. This is what he had been wanting to happen.

So, he sat back and watched as you drank and enjoyed Sirius's company. He could have laughed at the look on Sirius' face when you scooted closer until you were practically leaning on him.

Sirius knew you wouldn't remember everything from tonight, and he followed Remus as he carried you up the stairs to their dorm. Listening to you ramble to your best friend about how pretty Sirius Black was, he couldn't fight the grin that sat on his face or the feeling of his stomach doing flips.

Sirius Black made his decision; he was going to ask you on a date, and he was going to make you his. He would do whatever it took to keep that pretty smile on that pretty face of yours.

[pumpkin-cake]

begging for ANYTHING fix it related for the most recent season !!!

five x reader and they are married?? it would be nice if the reader had a more relaxed job in comparison to five in the CIA (the reader used to also work for the commission but wanted a calm life)

like maybe working in a daycare or flower shop?

i’m honestly begging for anything sweet please if you’ve got the time !

THIS HAS ME IN A CHOKEHOLD. YES, I WILL WRITE THIS FOR YOU <3 I ALSO HATE THE WAY THEY CHARACTERIZED FIVE IN THE NEW SEASON. This will be very domestic :3 And it's been a while since I've written Five, I hope he's not too out of character, let me know if you have any pointers :3

The door to your apartment creaks open and heavy footsteps enter, the jangling sounds of house keys hitting the ceramic bowl reaching your ears with a sigh following.

"Good evening, Jerome." You coo.

"I did not pick that name, quit calling me it." Five huffs as he shrugs off his suit jacket, entering the living room. He looked tired, but he was okay with that. He didn't want to settle for some repetitive job he'd be bored as hell at. Even if they gave him stupid aliases like Jerome.

"You could have at least asked. That's embarrassing, telling people your name is Jerome. What about...Ethan? Or even something that's close to Five. Like, Finn, or something." You answered with a chuckle, while Five crumpled on the couch next to you.

"There isn't any point. It's not like you need to go around calling me that name." He said, taking off his tie and laying it across the arm of the sofa. "Anyway, how was work?" He asked, taking off his brown Oxfords and laying them nearby but out of the main walkway. He reached over to the stack of papers on the coffee table and looked at the first page. "Jesus, this is the sloppiest handwriting I've ever seen."

"Ah yes, because children who still have shitty motor skills are going to be writing in perfect print. That's why they only have to write their names, not write full-fledged essays." You said sarcastically, plucking the piece of paper from his hands. You looked over the assignment your kindergarteners were given. The instructions were to count the different types of bugs on the paper. There were no more than 9 of each bug. 4 butterflies, 7 caterpillars, 1 beetle, 8 spiders.

"I was never that dumb." Five said a little snarkily, pointing to the answer spot that said there were only 5 caterpillars.

"Don't be such a prick." You huffed, getting out a blue pen. You didn't like to use red, too harsh. You circled each answer wrong, not making any corrections.

"How are you even meant to teach them this? It's basic counting." Five asked, sort of actually curious.

"We'll just go over it in class tomorrow. Everyone will count together."

"Then what's the point of the homework?"

You groaned. "We are not having this conversation anymore, old man." You pulled out a pack of stickers, putting one on each sheet of paper.

"You're just as old." He countered with a smirk, leaving you to roll your eyes and continue 'grading' the papers. He did shut up and drop the subject, letting his hand stray to your hand that wasn't busy grading papers. He wasn't ever one for physical affection in the past, but ever since getting to this place? He was more lenient. He was never hanging off of you, but his touches were gentler. Each contact of skin was a small way of saying 'I love you', because it was hard to say it out loud after years of isolation.

The biggest way of him saying he loved you was twisting the ring that nicely fit on your finger like he was doing right now. Like he was making sure you were aware of its presence and meaning.

You finished the papers in less than five minutes. You did not envy the fourth-grade teachers who had actual homework to grade. "Your dinner is in the fridge." You told him, taking his other hand and playing with the black band that adorned his ring finger.

"Not hungry." He said shortly, like he was offended you'd ever assume he wanted to do something aside from this. He wouldn't ever say that out loud, of course.

"It's sushi. Made by yours truly." You added, holding back a chuckle when he sucked in a deep breath, very torn between the options. It was weird, able to sit and think about something. He wasn't rushing home to eat and go to bed, he got to do domestic shit with you and fuck did he love it.

"..." Five stayed silent like a brooding teenager.

"I'll come with you." You reasoned, and he reluctantly sat up. You smiled and got up with him, the two of you traversing to the kitchen. He opened the door to the fridge and grabbed the small Tupperware of delicious looking sushi. You were not a fan of Commission cafeteria food, and you took pride in buying the best ingredients for you and your spouse. You were already grabbing him a pair of chopsticks, sitting with him at the kitchen island.

"...thanks." He said after eating a roll. He was stubborn, but he really did appreciate you taking the time to make more for him when he got home late. It was so nice to come home to a homemade meal. It reminded him of Grace.

"Of course, honey." You smiled, sitting in silence while he ate. He savored every moment. After being in the apocalypse for forty years, he really grew to appreciate the things he didn't have. He swore he would never take this life for granted.

He never questioned why, because the whole reason was sitting right next to him.

[my-castles-crumbling]

strawberry - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 225

(Guys, I had to write the tiktok trend for this. Sue me)

They were sitting in the living room in the Potter Manor- Regulus reading silently; James fighting his way through an essay of some kind.

Or, he had been. At first. Until Regulus had...existed. Because Regulus existing was so very distracting that James couldn't possibly hope to get something as boring as an essay done.

So as he stole glances at the angel in front of him on the other side of the couch, contemplating the pros and cons of grabbing him and kissing him, even though Sirius was just in the other room, Regulus shifted, taking something out of his pocket. And as he did so, he looked up.

"Staring, Potter?" he asked as he applied Chapstick to his lips.

His beautiful, mesmerizing lips.

"Erm...I was just...wondering what flavor it is," James shrugged, trying to make up a legitimate-sounding reason for staring.

"Strawberry," Regulus answered suspiciously. "Do you want to try it?"

And before James could properly process what the offer meant, he moved across the couch, murmuring a "Fuck, yes," catching Regulus's lips in his own.

It was only after he realized Regulus wasn't responding that he pulled back.

"Shit. You meant..." James trailed off, completely mortified, taking in Regulus's shocked expression.

But the Chapstick clattered to the floor as Regulus suddenly grabbed at his neck, pulling them back together again.

[boydepartment]

hii :)) i saw ur requests and since i love how you do your piece of work, i was wondering if u could do enha texts when their partner (y/n) is failing one of their subjects at school? or smth like that? thank you!

enha texts + scenarios- when you’re failing your class!

a/n: OMG OF COURSE ANON!!! i really hope you aren’t failing any of your classes :( but i get it trust me. i am not very academic i’ll be fr

warnings- cursing

MASTERLIST

jungwon-

jungwon immediately after comes out of his room to watch you and jake try to tackle this math assignment. you were not wrong jake was terrifying while explaining calculus. eventually jungwon got bored and saw you needed a break so you both took a late night walk and got ice cream :)

heeseung-

heeseung surprisingly helped you a lot with your work. he doubted himself greatly but when it came to it he really did help you. he would read your books, try to get a grasp, and then explain it to you. heeseung is also super reassuring and holds your hand softly while explaining things.

jay-

making your studying session a competition was absolutely genius. jay had the rest of enha join the jeopardy game and it helped A TON. you would remember things because someone did something stupid and it’d trigger the memory in your head. eventually your grade rose and jay took you out 🫶

jake-

jake felt awful holding you in his arms and listening to you stress over school. he understood. as much as he enjoyed learning and growing, the numbers and grades always stressed him out to. it felt wrong to put a grade on learning. jake from this point forward made it his absolute goal to help you with whatever schooling you needed help with. to him it was a win win, he got to learn and help his favorite person.

sunghoon-

sunghoon didn’t know your history work from atom. he felt horrible that he couldn’t help as much as a tutor or something. however, he didn’t know all you needed was just someone there. your studying went smoothy with sunghoon leaning on you and feeding you when needed. he’d always remind you to eat and drink, to be honest you believed you only passed because of him taking care of you.

sunoo-

right when sunoo found out you were failing he immediately went to riki and begged him to help you with your language work. you were taking japanese and no matter how good you were at it the teacher just was not it. so you obviously needed extra help. sunoo hated to see you struggling so he would sit there next to you while riki attempted to help you as much as he could. if either of you got frustrated sunoo would have a 15 min break which consisted of ice cream and playing with your hair. then it was back to work

riki-

having riki in your home while you attempted to write an essay sounds like a nightmare. but to be honest, all he did was lay on you and go on tiktok as you typed away. you’d ask questions about a certain topic and he would look it up then text you the article for the bibliography page too. he really did help you even if he had no clue what the fuck MLA formatting was

[graves-simper]

What really happened in Room 302?

Yes, just like everyone else I am finally doing a small essay/analysis on TCOAAL.

This time I wanted to dive in something that wasn't a big part of the game, but has been on my mind since my first play through of the game and that is like the title states; What really happened in Room 302? Lets begin.

I wanted to start off by talking about the Lady in Room 302. Who is she?

We really don't know much. Her eye color isn't shown, she looks somewhat average but in terms of others opinions (ie; the Warden's and even Ashley) She is a very pretty woman. Even at a point Andrew says that she looks good. Take a look at some of the dialog below:

I mean, wasn't she?

After this very tasteful conversation these two love-birds have, Ashley heads up to commence the ritual to sacrifice the 2nd Warden, and of course Our Ashley pulls it off with no problems, and back downstairs she goes with full intentions of painting the wall with Lady 302's brains, but it appears someone beat her to the punch.

AND NOW I PRESENT WHERE I IMMEDIATELY BEGAN TO CALL CAP ON MR. DOORMAT EXTRAORDINAIRE AND HIS SILLY LITTLE LIES.

Your honor, this man is absolutely lying. The first thing that made me question everything about his story here is where she is lying dead. On the damn bed. Your honor, let's enhance this real quick.

That nail gun is a damn good several feet away from where Lady 302 lies dead on the bed. In fact it is in exactly the same position as when we left Andrew alone with her, and look at the sheer distance. These apartments clearly aren't huge but let me just be critical for a minute. Her mattress appears to be a single style mattress, so lets take in some measurements.

I can settle on the length being 75" or 6.25ft. So the apartment is about 12 feet wide. Not huge by any means, but to go from sitting down on a bed, even the edge, she would have to make quite the lunge while accounting for some random maniac being right next to you with a meat cleaver. I also do not think she would be the type to risk her life for a daring escape. Look at how absolutely bewildered she is the second Andrew rushes her.

That is NOT the face of someone who is absolutely down to fuck around and find out. She also had a chance to get help while also risking her life, when she is given the radio she could have screamed for help, and while yes she would've died, at this point I would say the risk factor was relatively similar.

Now that I have established my reasoning for why I don't think this lady tried to kill Andrew with a nailgun or even had the chance to, let's go over some of the reasons I think he DID choose to kill her.

No Witnesses.

This is a very boring theory but I have to bring it up no less. I think there is a good chance he just said fuck it, and killed her for the sake of not leaving evidence behind. She saw their faces, heard their names, and they even said they were her neighbor from upstairs. Leaving her behind could've ruined EVERYTHING for them after this point, and based on Ashley's sour reaction to her mere existence, I think he already knew damn well Ashley would want her dead too.

Make my Ashley happy.

This ties back to the point I made in No Witnesses. Ashley took her as a threat, and obviously Andrew noticed. She was not pleased after he called her "Pretty". I think once he was alone, he figured he would off her to show Ashley that he wasn't ogling her or wanting to do anything with her. In fact she meant so little to him, he butchered her right on her bed. To support this, the way Ashley reacts when she returns absolutely floors Andrew, he is calm about what happened but Ashley is still coming up with thoughts that he tried to fuck her, when in his mind, he was probably hoping she would be thrilled that he killed this awful, hell-bound, hussie. But instead she is still somehow mad despite her being now a corpse. He becomes to fed up that even though he did what she would've anyways, it is somehow not good enough for her. (I will dive deeper into this interaction below with another theory that relies heavily on this.)

The Hussie hit on him.

This one ties into Make my Ashley happy. There is a good chance this obviously sexually attractive woman tried seducing Andrew while they were alone. She had no problem doing it with the Warden's to get better treatment, and I have no doubt this was her go-to get out of trouble free card. This charming young man would surely fall for her good looks right? Right? There's two thought processes that would make this reasonable. 1. He was worried how Ashley would react if she walked in with her clearly flirting with him and how that would make her feel. 2. My personal favorite of these two, he is dedicated to Ashley and was offended by her advances and killed her in a show of devotion to her.

Now that we have the more sane theories out of the way, lets get to the GOOD STUFF.

Andrew's Fantasy.

This theory is more of a mental guess as to Andrew's relationship and views of Ashley. He has been clearly fed up with her more than once up to this point, having arguments, dealing with her shit, and all the trauma he just experienced from starving for weeks, isolation, and having to butcher and eat someone, and then murder a man to save her.

What if once Andrew had a moment alone with someone who was essentially his victim, he decided to truly see how he felt about something. I believe Andrew may have not seen Lady 302 as Ashley, but just for the hell of it, imagined that she was Ashley. Despite the different appearances, I'm sure he could overlook it in the state of mind he was in at this point, and decided how it would feel to finally kill "Ashley". The way he kills her just doesn't feel like he said fuck it and wanted the lady dead, she is laid out on the bed, there's no signs of a struggle either. Later in the game during one of the visions, there is the one where Andrew finally kills Ashley. When she accepts that he will kill her, he brings the cleaver to her throat similarly to how the throat of Lady 302 was cut. The similarities just feel so similar that I had to bring this up despite it being possibly far fetched but that's what makes these fun!

and now for my most absolutely far fetched theory yet.

Don't these two look similar?

This theory is much more far fetched but hear me out on this!

I know this may be a result of Nemlei's artstyle but these two have some stark similarities in my opinion. Both blonde, same eye color based on the greyscale of them, similar hair parting, and a similar face shape.

After all the trauma Andrew went through in the weeks locked in their apartment and then killing several people and eating one no doubt sent his brain to a bad place.

I think after all that hell he endured he may have simply had a breaking point and felt like he saw a ghost or just the stark similarities between Lady 302 and Nina just made something snap.

I want to back this up by making a point to the story telling in the game. Before they go and escape their apartment conveniently before the Room 302 incident, there is a dream about how Andrew and Ashley killed Nina. This could be just the flow of the story telling however, I feel like it was a lead up to what really happened in Room 302. It just feels too perfect to include that scene right before he kills someone who I am assuming is what Nina may have grown up to look like, AND then with this scene occurring once Ashley returns almost feels like a nail in the coffin of this theory.

Nina isn't brought up in the apartment, or once they're in the motel. Nina is brought up during a heated exchange in Room 302 right after Andrew might have felt as if he killed Nina once again, yet just like when they killed Nina, Ashley still somehow thinks that Andrew has a thing for a woman he helped kill, and this absolutely drives him off his fucking rocker.

This exchange floored Mr. Doormat so intensely he finally was ready to absolutely throttle the life out of her. Andrew was finally so fed up with being berated for doing things for Ashley's sake he just wanted it to be done and over with forever. Andrew once again found himself in the same place Ashley put him in all those years ago, but this time he knows he isn't as vulnerable as he was and uses it to his advantage, but after their little squabble, they leave together to bless our hearts with Chapter 2.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Perhaps this was as plain as the story made it out to be. There is a good chance that Andrew didn't want to leave a witness and said hell with it and butchered the woman in Room 302. But I'd like to believe that with all the hidden details Nemlei has scattered throughout this game that there is truth to one of these theories, hell maybe even a giant jumble of them all together is the true story of Room 302.

But with everything I presented today I hope you all perhaps are too questioning what really happened in Room 302 like I was.

I'd love to hear any theories you guys have regarding this or twists/opinions on the ones I presented here!

Thank you all for reading!

[gtgbabie0]

✧gorgeous distraction✧

{James trying his best to study while you distract him}

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“Knock it off” James tries so hard to be serious meekly pushing your shoulder, you watch with a teasing smirk as the crease between his brows wobbles and a small chuckle escapes his supple lips, that he tries so hard to press into a thin line to show how ‘unimpressed’ he his, and he hates to admit it but you’ve got him wrapped around your pretty little finger.

James could never truly be mad at you, you’re his everything and he tells you so about ten thousand times a day, so he doesn’t mind much when you press ticklish kisses against his jaw and to that sensitive part just behind his ear, while he’s trying to study, his books splayed across your bed and he pretends to more interested in them than you.

He always gets this fleeting feeling in his chest whenever he’s around you and it flutters to his stomach leaving him all giddy inside, you drive him mad in the best way possible.

Especially when your gentle fingers play with the curly ends of his hair that sit against his neck, the way your cold knuckles graze against his warm skin, he thinks he just might end up going insane.

You giggle watching as he not so sneakily glances at you, a small smile dances on his lips, and you know he can’t keep his composure for long, “James… James, give me attention” you whisper in his ear as you continue press kisses along his jaw while your gentle fingers still twirl through his hair, with the hope that he might just put away the scattered books and paper tonight.

He wants to be stubborn, he wants to regain some kind of control over himself when it comes to you, but how can he? When you smell like home and your comforting warmth is radiating from you inviting him like a Sirens melody.

"I'll kick you out" he threatens, as you blow cold air against his ear with a giggle, while he scribbles notes down on some paper.

"It's my room, love" you remind him, your head resting against his shoulder

"That won't stop me from locking you out, Love" he smiles as you let out a huff and he thinks he's finally won, that you might have gotten bored, but he's proven otherwise.

Your hands playfully tug at the hem of his sweater nimble fingers dipping under the soft weaved fabric as they gently traverse his lower abdomen, and you feel his muscles tense under your teasing touch as he lets out a breathy giggle that borders on a gasp and you relish in the soft sound.

“Oh!— alright, enough you win, you win” he smiles picking up the old tattered books on transfiguration and chucking them carelessly, you gasp watching them skid across the old wooden floor.

“What did the poor books do to you?” You giggle as he scoffs at you, his hands pull you into his lap and your heart feels so full and loved as his gentle fingers trace mindless patterns on the top of your thighs, and you lean to press a small kiss to the tip of his nose.

his hands settle against your hips, "If I fail I'm blaming you" he says, chuckling as you feign offense with an overdramatic shocked expression.

“Not my fault you're so pretty James” you whisper, hands cupping his warm cheeks, and pride blooms in your chest at the redness that tints his cheeks, "Just completely and utterly irresistible"

He’s a blushing mess and uncontrollable toothy grin splays across his face, his lips wobble as he tries to stop it, and it makes you giggle, “Well... I got nothing on you Angel” he admits with a wink and you roll your eyes at his comment leaning down to capture his soft red lips in a loving kiss that leaves him breathless, and he never wants to let you go.

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☾⋆AN// *BOOM* I wrote this instead of my essay, hope you enjoyed lovelies! <3 {{requests are open!}}

[g4yforethan]

can you a do another Nate Jacobs x male bottom reader fic in the same series as intimate? maybe reader and Nate get caught in the school bathrooms by Nate's dad whose looking for him?

RISKY

pairing: nate jacobs x male!reader

summary: it already says it

warnings: cursing, kissing, smut

a/n: i’m so sorry for doin this request so late but here it is!! hope u enjoy :)

5th period was a bore like always. reading a 400 page book, completing essays, and taking quizzes was a routine every day. while on your phone, you got a text message. it was from nate jacobs. you two had been seeing each other for months and had been a while since you two had anything sexual happen. “hey how’s class?” he texted. “boring like always and there’s nothing to do.” you replied back. “well how bout you meet me in the bathroom? i wanna show you something.” you were confused by what he meant. what did he want to show you that he couldn’t wait till after school?

you asked the teacher to be excused to the restroom and made your way to see nate. the bathroom was empty for once and you waited by the door. nate entered and gave you a kiss. “hey baby. so how’s class?” he said as he held your waist and your hands around his neck. “boring i already told you. i rather just stay here with you.” he smiled and kissed you. “oh yeah and do what?” he started grabbing your ass. “haha you know what." you replied back as you started kissing his bottom lip and reaching for his neck. the two of you went into a stall and locked it. you proceeded to kiss nate all the way down to his pants and unzipped it. you looked up at him and he nodded for you to do it.

you took his hard cock and teased him by kissing the tip and putting your hot breath all over it. he moaned and begged for you to put it in and so you did. your mouth was filled with his thick and long dick as he gripped your hair and forced you to take it all the way. "fuck baby your mouth feels so fucking good." his moans filled the empty bathroom as you continued devouring his cock. "put it in me nate." he was taken back by what you said. "oh shit for real baby? you aint scared we could get caught?" you didn't care to respond as you unzipped your pants.

you turned around and put your ass towards nate who slowly entered your hole with his cock. he went slow and soft at first before he started to pick up, gripping your ass and leaving marks all over. "fuck nate it feels so good." he was turned on by your moans and went even faster. he took his hands and put them in your mouth making you suck on them and pull your head back. the pleasure was overwhelming but you craved it more and more. just then, someone entered the bathroom and the two of you panicked. "nate you in here?!" it was nate's dad. you look to nate who tells you to stand on the toilet.

"uh yeah i really had to go to the bathroom." nate said as he walked out of the stall. "well it took you long enough. i've been calling you for the past 10 minutes you're telling me you weren't on your fucking phone?" nate was annoyed with cal as they walked. "calm down alright. i'll be out in a minute. let me just wash my hands." cal left as you opened the stall. "im sorry baby i know we were getting at it." you smiled and kissed him. "it's okay nate. we can always continue later." you grinned and kissed his lips before leaving.

[ikissjae]

PAIRING … jung jaehyun x female!reader

THEMES … college!au. angst! lot more angst in this one. smut.

LENGTH … 7.7k.

WARNINGS … thigh riding. dry humping. virgin!reader and fuckboy jaehyun. cheating. please let me know if i missed something! MINORS DNI.

NOTES … i wrote this fic literally years ago as a someone i don't acknowledge anymore fic lol! this is a prequel to "During the Fall" and a continuation of "The Start of Spiring" which I will link in the source link below! hope yall enjoy! rbs, comments, and asks are always appreciated ♡

ㅤㅤㅤ© ikissjae 2023. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

Jaehyun: hey

Jaehyun: are you up?

You looked up from the patronizing word document to see the texts lighting up your phone. You rubbed your eyes a little before grabbing the device, blinking a few times at the bright screen. Of course, you were up, you had an essay due before 5:30 AM and here you were at 2 AM struggling with a conclusion. You leaned back against your headboard scrolling through the texts you had previously shared with Jaehyun, a smile appearing on your lips when you saw the blurry photos of him from the party where you two met.

You haven’t seen Jaehyun since that party, so almost a month now, which you didn’t mind. He’d text you at least once a week, and he’d send you cute selfies on Snapchat, so he did keep his promise. He didn’t forget you. That’s all you really wanted from him. You could tell he wasn’t the ‘relationship’ type if you were being honest neither were you. It wasn’t that you didn’t want a relationship it’s more like you have these weird commitment issues, you would rather be alone forever than have your heart broken. Weird, yes, but it was safe, you liked being safe.

You: yah i’m up

You: why are you even up go to sleep big head

Jaehyun: my head isn’t even big ://

Jaehyun: i miss you i wanna see you

You stared at your phone, brows furrowed as your eyes glanced up at the time then back at the bubbles sighing quietly. You never had a boy in your apartment after ten, except that one time when you and Doyoung were cramming for finals last semester, and who knew what Jaehyun had on his mind at 2 AM. You sighed quietly reading the message for what felt like the tenth time before slowly typing out your response.

You: i mean…if you really miss me….you can come over

Jaehyun: ……..are you sure

You: come over before i change my mind loser

Jaehyun: alright alright i’ll be over in ten minutes

You felt your stomach twist at the last message but there was an unexplainable excited smile on your lips. Your eyes landed back on your almost-finished essay, you knew you should just throw together a pathetic conclusion and turn it in, but you couldn’t even focus on that. Jaehyun was coming over to your apartment. You were gonna see him again.

You were back and forth from typing a mindless conclusion to staring at the door for the past ten minutes. You managed to finish your essay, it was shitty but it was finished, you were now staring at your now screen sighing quietly looking back up at the door waiting impatiently with a quiet sigh.

It wasn’t that you wanted Jaehyun here, you were bored with nothing to do, Jaehyun was going to be something to do. Suddenly, there were a series of rhythmic knocks.

You squeaked excitedly, jumping up off the bed with an equally excited smile practically skipping to the door. You hated how excited you were to see him, you shouldn’t be this excited to see a boy who wasn’t even your boyfriend, but you were practically bouncing to open the door.

When you opened the door you were greeted with the beautiful sight of Jung Jaehyun wearing a large black hoodie with matching black sweatpants, his hood was up but you could see his highlighted hair falling on his forehead, he looked cozy and welcoming. He made your heart stutter a little bit, you couldn’t help but giggle softly up at him which made him smirk down at you.

“So that’s what you look like without fake eyelashes.” He teased tapping your nose sweetly with a deep chuckle. You scrunched your face up before you realize you were sporting a bare face, your hair was in its natural waves, and you were wearing some baggy sweatshirt. You probably look like a different person than the one he met at the party, a softer more comfy version, you were wishing you at least put on some concealer while you were wasting time staring at the door.

“Shut up.” 

You giggled stepping to the side to let him walk into your small apartment smiling softly. The boy took one long step inside the room, he looked around a soft smile growing on his lips as he took in your messy room.

“Who would’ve guessed you’re an actual wreck.” He teased pointing to your messy makeup corner with a soft giggle, you opened your mouth to defend yourself but he was right. You were, in fact, a wreck, if that wasn’t already apparent by you finishing an essay at 2 AM.

“I mean…You’re not wrong.” You shrugged kicking a few t-shirts into a corner with a small almost nervous chuckle as you looked up at him, a bright smile forming on your lips. You used your foot to close your door, sauntering over to him with a shy smile on your pink-tinted lips.

“I missed you, whore,” you told him quietly causing him to laugh softly, resting his hands on your hips , smiling down at you.

“I missed you too, virgin.” he laughed softly pinching your sides, making you squeal quietly, shoving his hands away laughing quietly, looking up at him as you took a step back sitting on your bed staring up at him.

“Virgin? Come on, Jaehyun you can do better.” You patted the space next to you, watching him sit down with an almost tired smile, playing with the fraying edge of your sweatshirt.

There is a silence, almost uncomfortable but not quite there, he let his fingers brush your thighs softly as he continued playing with the loose strings. You smiled softly at him, you could feel your heart swelling as you looked at him, slowly letting your hand push his hood down humming softly when you saw his dirty blond hair.

“You got highlights.” You smiled running a gentle hand through his hair, which was soft and silky, making him nod a little letting his hand drop. 

“You like it? I was having a crisis.” He chuckled letting his hand fall onto your thigh causing you to tense up a little, but you let it happen even resting your hand on top of his taking a step out of your comfort zone.

“It’s cute.” You tell him with a slight nod, blushing softly as he laced his fingers with yours. He smiled happily at your compliment, squeezing your hand softly pulling your hand up to press a soft kiss to your palm.

“I like dark roots a lot. I’ve always wanted to go blond with some dark roots, but I’ve never been bold enough to do it. I don’t know how I would look as a blond.” Jaehyun tilted his head at you, letting his hand grab a lock softly, twirling the strands around his finger, he smirked softly at the thought of you with blond hair.

“I’d like to see you as a blond. I think you’d look really hot, especially with the dark roots.” He tells you with a subtle wink making you blush softly, shoving his hand away softly.

“Shut up,” you told him weakly with a soft laugh looking up at him before quietly resting your head on his shoulder, humming softly into his hoodie.

“How have you been, baby?” He asks quietly running a hand up and down your spine, giving you a soft squeeze as you shrugged softly.

“I’m tired. I’m ready for summer break, ready to go home, ready to sleep regularly.” You told him honestly with a restless laugh.

“Where’s home?” He asked you before quietly patting his lap, waiting for you to move there. You look up at him scooting hesitantly towards him, you felt your stomach twist tightly as you slowly climbed into his lap keeping your back towards him. 

“America.” You told him as you situated yourself on his thick thighs nodding at your answer.

“America?” He pondered out loud, “Are you all by yourself here?” He was asking a lot of questions, you couldn’t imagine him really wanting to know more about your life, he only wanted to fuck you right? You nodded a little, letting your fingers skate softly over the black fabric, feigning an unbothered smile.

“Yeah, I do but it’s fine. I love Seoul, it’s beautiful.” You nod looking back at him before looking back down with a small shrug. 

“Where is your home?” You asked out of courtesy turning your head back towards him to see him smiling lazily at you, you gave him a subtle eye roll before squeezing his thigh in hopes of a response.

“Here. I was born here but moved to Connecticut when I was five for my dad’s work. I came back three years later. I never really left.” You watched his lips move as he talked unsurely about his time here, you looked back up at his eyes smiling a little at how his brows furrowed in concentration.

“So, do you have, like, an English name?” You tease, smiling down at him as he turns his face away from you, a bright smile on his lips.

“I actually have three names.”

This time your brows furrowed but in confusion. Three? This boy had three names? 

You wiggled to reposition yourself to be facing him. Jaehyun took this opportunity to grab your hips, pulling you towards him till your chests were pressed together making you blush softly. You put your hands on his chest to keep some distance between you two, but with hips flush against each other you were feeling everything.

“Tell me about your three names.” You inquire softly, squirming in his hold till you were comfortable again.

“I have my birth name, my name, and my English name.”

There’s a pause. You tilt your head a bit in curiosity, a small chuckle leaving your lips.

“Birth name? You changed your name?”

“Yeah. I wanted a name that meant something. It’s a bitch to legally change your name though so I just use Jaehyun more often than not.”

There’s another pause but this one is filled with quiet giggles and cheesy smiles. Your hands held tightly onto his hoodie smiling down at him, before letting them slide down to let them rest under the fabric feeling his invitingly warm skin.

“Tell me your names.” You felt him jolt back a little at the touch, but he soon relaxed against your palms making your heart beat a little faster.

“Well, my birth name is Jaehyun, my name is Yoonoh, you know that, and my English name is Jay.”

“Jay?”

“Jay.”

You let the name roll off your tongue a few more times before chuckling a little, letting your hands rest around his waist, thumbs rubbing soft circles into the flesh.

“Yoonoh.” You just about whisper to see his reaction, eyes trained in on his face your smile now faint. His eyes flickered with something you couldn’t quite read, he looked almost helpless, but the moment of weakness only lasted a second before it dissipated back into his usual cocky grin.

“Haven’t heard someone call me that in a while,” He reveals quietly, “I like when you say it. I like when you say all my names.”

There was a tense pause where you two just stared at each other’s lips, waiting for someone to make the first move. 

“I really missed you.” You tell him quietly, you can feel him grab your arms, pulling them out from underneath his hoodie, and placing them on his wide shoulders.

“Did you, princess?” He whispered up at you a soft smile leaning up to nuzzle his nose against yours, you blushed softly before nodding softly. “I missed you too. I’ve missed your mouth a lot.” He told you while tangling a hand in your hair to hold you in the current position.

“Of course you did.” You giggled squeezing his shoulders a bit before tapping his arm signaling him to let go of your hair which he did, his large hand sliding down your side to rest on your hip squeezing softly. 

“You’re kind of a slut, Jaehyun.” You joked pulling your head off of his laughing quietly as he scoffed looking up at you with an amused smile.

“And you’re kind of a prude, _____.”

You gasped quietly furrowing your brows, your face contorting a little in mock offense.

“I am not a prude, Jay.”

“So, you suck dick in a bathroom once and you’re not a prude anymore?”

“…Yes.”

He let out a boisterous laugh looking up at you with the brightest cleanest smile. You adored his smile, you have many screenshots of blurry snaps of his wide white smile. You could stare at him all day if he would let you. You let your hands cup his cheeks softly with a bright smile, making him smile even wider than before. You swear you could feel your heart practically fall out of your chest at the sight.

You wished Jung Jaehyun was different, you wished you had met him without knowing the copious amount of girls he fucked and left in the dust, but here you were with a tainted view of him that you couldn’t shake away no matter how many times he made your heart nearly fail. He hummed up at you, his hands skimming up your sides till his fingers collided with your exposed skin.

You shifted a little at the touch, he held tighter onto your waist smirking softly up at you. “What did you miss about me, baby?” He whispered letting his thumbs glide over your ribs softly, leaning up to press his forehead to yours. Your throat went dry, you could feel your stomach tighten at how close he was. Your hands dropped from his face to his shoulders blushing softly.

You opened your mouth to tell him how much you missed his lips, how you wanted to kiss him again, how you’d been thinking about him for weeks, but nothing came out your cheeks just burned brighter making you bury your face in the crook of his neck. He giggled squeezing your sides sweetly pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his hand skimmed up your back to tangle his hand in your hair to pull you back with a bright smile.

“Did you miss my fingers, baby?” He questioned smirking up at you with a small head tilt. You stared down at his lips nodding dumbly at his words, you heard him hum up at you leaning in to nuzzle his nose against yours sighing softly.

“Or did you miss my lips?” He whispered, “Did you miss kissing me? I missed kissing you.” He tilted his head to let his lips graze over yours to test the waters before he finally gave you what you wanted. His lips were still the softest pillows you’ve ever laid upon, you whimpered softly at the overwhelming burst of unrecognizable emotions in your stomach.

His lips were so soft, so sweet, so intoxicating, you missed kissing Jaehyun. He wrapped his arms tighter around your waist as he moved his lips against yours, you held tightly onto his hoodie trying to keep him close. He groaned softly as he pulled away to roll on top of you, manhandling you till you were against your pillow as you tried to catch your breath but his lips were reattached to yours in a matter of seconds. He made himself at home between your legs, you kept your grip on his hoodie tugging softly at the fabric.

“Take it off, Jaehyun.” You muttered pulling away, managing to catch your breath huffing quietly as he sat up not even hesitating before pulling the black hoodie off. Your hands were attached to his skin like a magnet, you wanted to feel him, you wanted to keep him close. You wanted him.

Oh god, you liked Jung Jaehyun.

You stared up at him with big almost panicked doe eyes, he leaned down to press soft kisses to your slightly exposed stomach. You let your head fall back with a small whine, you were going to lay there and let him do whatever he wanted. You’d let him do whatever he wanted to you. Scarily, you trusted Jaehyun a lot.

He wasted no time tugging down your sweats down to your knees, you swallowed thickly tugging softly on his locks to pull him back to your lips making him groan against your lips. He hummed softly into the kiss, pressing his hips into yours moaning softly. There was an amazing friction that made you shiver a little, digging your nails into his back with an airy chuckle.

“Keep doing that.” You whispered up at him causing him to smirk softly down at you. He rolled his hips into your clothed core, you could feel his growing length press against you which made you moan softly against his lips.

“You’re so adorable, baby.” He whispered pressing his wet lips to your jawline, nosing softly against your cheek. You bucked your hips into him with a deep shaky breath, he slid his hands up your sides to slide them under your top easily taking your breasts in his large hands.

You gasped softly at the contact, your hands skimming up his back to dig your nails into his skin looking up at him with hooded eyes. He rolled his hips into your clothed core causing a pleasant but short wave of pleasure to wash over you. You furrowed your brows at how good this was feeling, it was almost painful how short the waves lasted with each roll of his hips.

Holy shit, how did he always manage to make you feel so good?

He groaned gruffly against your neck, holding tightly onto your hips, continuing to rut against you his nails leaving crescents imprints on your skin. Soft grunts and gentle gasps filled your little room, red lines forming on his skin when your nails ranked down it, the slow burn in your stomach was starting to grow more intense every time he rolled his hips into yours.

“P-Please kiss me.” You whispered lazily draping your legs around his hips, sighing quietly feeling him kiss up your neck to finally press a soft kiss to your lips.

The tight tension in your stomach was growing uncomfortable, you whined softly into the feather-like kiss feeling his fingers wrap around the hem of your hoodie. You quickly shook your head with a thick swallow, trying to find your voice as you held tighter onto his shoulders.

“I-I want to keep it on.” You finally got out before the fabric could be lifted over your head. He looked down at you with a look of confusion for a second before nodding a bit, his hands falling to your waist smiling comfortably.

“That’s fine. That’s fine. Do you want to take a minute?”

You laced your fingers with his sighing softly as you wrapped your legs around his waist, tugging his hips flush against yours with a thick swallow. 

“I-I was really close. Whatever you’re doing, it feels really really good.” You nodded looking up at him with big eyes, a smug smile tugging at his pink lips as he nodded a little.

“I like making you feel good. You look so pretty when you cum, you know? I want to see that face again.”

Your cheeks burned once again as you looked up at him laughing softly, your eyes looking down at the bulge growing in his sweats.

“You’re really hard, Jaehyun.” You whispered chuckling softly at the sight, he looked up at you with a loud laugh pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, smiling against your skin. His hands skimmed down your sides to hold onto your hips groaning quietly.

He pulled away from you, pulling you up by your hips to place you in his lap, manhandling you till you were straddling his thigh making you gasp softly. He leaned against your wall smirking up at you as he slapped the back of your thigh, squeezing the flesh softly before motioning down towards his thigh.

“Want to take your panties off, baby?” He whispered burying his face into the crook of your neck, peppering soft kisses to the sensitive skin as you nodded slowly. You lifted your hips letting him slide the soaked fabric down your legs, smirking cockily when his digits brushed over your slick folds.

He moved you back on his thigh making you gasp softly, digging your coffin-shaped acrylics into his chest. Jaehyun groaned softly looking down at the pretty pale pink nails, he bit his bottom lip holding tightly onto your hips.

“Ride my thigh, baby.” He whispered leaning in to kiss your lips softly, his hands moving up to hold on tightly to your hoodie.

You didn’t waste any time before rolling your hips against the rough fabric of his sweatpants, loud whimpers falling from your lips into his as your hips moved desperately against him. He pulled away from your lips to watch you pathetically rutting against him, a cocky smirk on his lips chuckling softly as he leaned his back against your wall.

“You’ve done this before haven’t you?” He whispered grabbing a fist full of your hair tugging harshly, making you cry out softly as you dug your nails into his stomach.

Your cheeks glowed with at his question, brows furrowed as a pathetic whimper fell from your lips. Visions of those lonely nights with your pillow between your legs desperately rutting into the pillow, thinking about the quick yet explosive pleasure that eventually lolled you to sleep, but you couldn’t say that to Jaehyun not without wanting to die a little inside.

“Aw, look you’re blushing.” He whispered lowly the same smirk on his lips, “Do you hump your pillow, princess? Do you think about me?”

You only whined in response shutting your eyes tightly, trying to lean into him but the grip on your hair was unforgiving. He kept you still with the iron grip on your hair waiting for you to answer, flexing his thigh underneath you with a cruel smirk on his lips. You whimpered loudly as your hips rolled deeply into his hard thigh, your nails dug deeper into his skin crying out softly.

“Answer the question, _____.” He growled pushing you down till you were looking at him, face redder than before and you could only feel yourself getting redder under his intense stare.

“I-I do. I think about you all the time, Jaehyun.”

He chuckled darkly at the way your voice shook as if you were near tears. He liked seeing you like this, basically falling apart before of him, because of him, was so arousing and erotic his head was spinning. Jaehyun hummed in response, his fingers finally losing on your hair letting your head fall onto his chest, his arms wrapping around you with a quiet sigh.

“Tell me what you think about. Tell me everything.” He whispers into your shoulder, kissing the flesh gently. You kept your hips moving into his thick thigh, your eyes blown wide as your clit brushed against the rough fabric.

“I-I think about your dick. Holy fuck, fuck, your dick is so big and thick.” Your voice was whiny and shaky as you held on tightly to him, “I think about y-you inside me, stretching me out so good, f-fucking me till I’m shaking. Wanna know what makes me cum?” You questioned smirking softly at his bewildered eyes as he nodded quickly, a soft moan leaving his lips as he looked up at you.

You moaned loudly as he flexed his thigh under you once again, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as his eyes stayed trained on your lips.

“I think about you filling me up with your cum.” You shut your eyes tightly, your nails dragging down his chest watching his jaw drop a rough moan fell from his shiny pink lips.

“Fuck, Jaehyun–oh my god–Yoonoh.”

You cut yourself off when you feel the wave of pleasure wash over you, back arching into him as your moan catches in your throat, body rigid and nails deep into his skin. His hips jerked up a few times, low trembling moans ripping through his body as he held tightly onto your hips, you knew there would be bruises by tomorrow. A familiar groan filled your apartment, you were too overwhelmed by the short ripples of pleasure still rolling through your body, mindlessly nuzzling into his chest.

The room is full of heavy breathing, his hands letting go of your hips to rub softly at your thighs. You swallowed thickly against the crook of his neck, pulling away slowly to look at him with raised brows.

“Did you...Did you cum in your pants?” You asked moving your hands to his face, your thumbs stroking his cheeks when they glowed softly. He blinked a few times, brown eyes looking down at his sweats which were wet in multiple spots now. You watched a cute embarrassed smile appear on his glistening pink lips, his cheeks glowing brightly at your question.

“Y-You look so good when you cum. I couldn’t help it.”

You tilted your head at his weak tone, he looked so wrecked borderline pathetic from his orgasm. You felt something spark inside you seeing him like that, something that you’ve never felt before.

You wanted him.

Quietly you swallowed the urge with a small sigh, hands gently brushing his hair out of his doe eyes. You brushed the thought away, tossing your hair over your shoulder with a quiet hum. He groans softly looking up at you, cringing softly when he shifts his hips a little bit.

“Fuck. I feel gross. I feel really sticky.” He whispered his head falling back against the wall sighing contently, eyes fluttering shut as you ran your hands up and down his marked chest.

There was a blissful silence. A silence that you never wanted to end. You were the one to break it, pulling away to look at his blissful face smirking wickedly at him.

“You came fast and untouched. You must really like me, hm?”

“I liked the way you said Yoonoh. No one has ever said it like that.”

“No one has said it while cumming before?” You giggled stroking his hair softly, smiling at him gently. His eyes fluttered open to stare at your lips before looking up at you, swallowing thickly at the sight of the wet patch on his thigh.

Another silence filled your room, he leaned down to press soft kisses to your collarbones. You rested your cheek on the top of his head, nuzzling against his soft hair humming quietly as he brushed his nose against your throat. You wanted to stay like this, you wanted to keep him close, you wanted to stay in his arms, doused in his warmth as you both recovered from your orgasms.

You cleared your throat, untangling yourself from him as you slid off his thigh taking a deep breath with a soft huff. You looked around to find your underwear, you felt him move from behind you grunting uncomfortably as he stood up off your bed.

“Can I shower here? I don’t want to walk back with cum in my pants.”

“You walked here? Where’s your place?” You questioned sliding your underwear back on and turning towards him with a small head tilt. He turned towards you a soft smile adoring his pink lips, your eyes adoring the bright red lines on his tan chest.

“I live in the apartments a few blocks away.”

You nodded a bit trying to envision what his apartment looked like. Was it messy? Was it put together?

You could see shirts scattered across his floor, his bed unmade, and dishes in the sink. Maybe Jaehyun was a clean freak with a tightly made bed, spotless floors, and a pristine kitchen where everything is organized. Your eyes scanned over him quickly with a small smile, your chest aching a little at the sight of him.

“You can–” You turned toward your clock, the intimidating red numbers telling you it was nearing 3 AM. You couldn’t let him walk alone at 3 AM even though you knew he’d be just fine, but still, you’d be too worried to let him walk out of your apartment this late.

“You can…Stay the night if you want. It’s–um–it’s really late, you shouldn’t be walking alone this late.”

He looked a little surprised at your offer a soft chuckle left his lips as he thought about spending the night with you. He shrugged his broad shoulders with a small nod, a soft smile forming on his lips looking down at you.

“I would like that. We can finally–”

“Hold it, Jay. You’re sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh come on, prude. You know you want to snuggle with me.”

You rolled your eyes a little bit at the way his smile turned into a soft smirk. You aggressively pointed towards the small, pathetic, excuse of a bathroom you had, it was more like a closet with a shower in it. “Go shower. The cum in your pants is probably dried now.” You teased with a soft laugh, only laughing harder when he shot you a playful glare before turning around to disappear into your closet bathroom.

You dug through your drawer to find the lone pair of boxers you bought as an experiment last month. He’ll only need new underwear, right? You slowly knocked on the flimsy door, poking your head in the warm room, your eyes falling to the floor when you hear him pull your curtain back a bit.

“Couldn’t help yourself?” He teased smirking softly at you, running his hand through his wet hair as you blindly tossed the boxers on the sink. You only looked up to shoot him a slightly disgusted look, you watched him laugh at your expression before winking playfully tilting his head a bit.

“Thank you.” He tells you sweetly, an even sweeter smile on his lips, “I’ll be out in a minute.” He nods closing the shower curtain.

You closed the door behind you humming softly as you went to your closet, getting on your toes to pull down the extra blankets from the top shelf. You laid the blankets down for him next to your bed, grabbing one pillow from your bed to drop it on the ground. The makeshift bed on the floor was a pastel pathetic mess on your floor but he’d probably be fine, right? You stared down at the blankets almost leaning down to straighten them out, but there was a sudden vibration from the edge of your bed.

Your head shot up to turn towards your bed, seeing the fabric of his hoodie light up. You paused for a moment just staring at the glowing hoodie. Who was texting him at 3 AM? Without letting yourself hesitate, you pulled his phone out from its pocket sitting down on your bed to scroll through his notifications.

Every contact name was just initials. You found it odd but also didn’t question it. Jaehyun was a fuckboy after all.  You furrowed your brows at the screen.

q.k : if ur going to leave at two am pls be quiet when you do it

l.m.h : do u have the answers for the review i’m dying dude

k.d.h : baby i miss you :(

k.d.h : ik it’s late but i want to see you

k.d.h : jaeeeeeeee 

You blinked a few times at the messages. Who was k.d.h? Why were they texting him at two am? You heard the shower water stop, you quickly shoved the phone back into his hoodie, hands slightly shaky and mind racing. You shouldn’t be thinking this hard about someone he wasn’t even with right now. You shouldn’t be thinking this hard about Jaehyun in general. He should be an afterthought, he shouldn’t even be here right now, but here he was showering in your apartment.

When he walked out of the bathroom, toweling off his dripping locks looking up at you smiling sweetly at you before looking down at the mess of blankets beneath you.

“Is that my bed for tonight?” He asked adjusting his boxers as his eyes stared down at the pallet, his hand rubbing his stomach. You nodded a little forcing a small smile as he lay down on the floor, grunting softly as he rolled around trying to get comfortable.

“Stop being dramatic, oh my god.”

You teased reaching over to turn your lamp off a sudden wave of darkness swallowing your room. Tucking yourself in, you tangled yourself in your cold blanket sighing quietly as he rolled around with a series of small grunts. He reached up to place his hand on your bed trying to get your attention, tapping his fingers against your mattress waiting for you to pay attention to him.

“Go to sleep, Jaehyun.”

“I can’t.”

“You haven’t even tried, you crackhead.”

“Maybe I don’t want to sleep. Maybe I want to keep talking to you.”

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up.” You groaned shoving his hand off your mattress with a small eye roll. He sat up to look at you, you could make out a disgruntled look on Jaehyun’s face. You weren’t looking at him. You didn’t want to look at his giant shoulders and beautiful face, not with the daunting question of  “Who’s k.d.h?” racking your brain. He stared at you do a second, running a hand through his damp hair as he tilted his head a bit.

“You’re getting…hostile again. Is this how you act with the people you like?”

“I don’t like you.” You quickly denied with furrowed brows, “Like that. I don’t like you like that.” You lied with a thick and hard swallow.

There was a silence that made your stomach twist and turns, you finally looked at him with furrowed brows sighing quietly. “Don’t look at me like that.” You whispered looking down at him with a soft sigh, slowly letting your hand drop down to rest softly on his shoulder. You rubbed circles into the taut skin waiting for him to say something, but he just stared at you with his big eyes making you sigh quietly.

“You don’t like me like that and you know it.”

He scoffed quietly before shaking his head. “You’re so…You’re so aggravating.” You frowned your brows at his word choice, shoving his shoulder harshly with a huff. 

“I am not. You’re the aggravating one.” You snapped sitting up to look down at him with slight irritation on your face. He looked up at you with an equally as irritated look, laughing bitterly as he got on his knees to be closer to your level.

“You act like you know me and everything about me–”

“Don’t start that shit again please.” You groaned rolling your eyes. He raised his brows at you in slight shock that you interrupted him. You mocked his shocked expression trying to get a rise out of him. You wanted to see him angry, you wanted him mad, but you weren’t getting it from him. He just stared at you, brows furrowed and lips tightly together, as he tilted his head a bit at you.

“I know enough about you to know you don’t want to date me, Jaehyun. You can say you just want to fuck me and it’ll be fine. Just stop acting like you want something more from me.”

“That’s-That’s not true. I like you. I don’t want to just fuck you. I want–”

“If you like me so much who’s k.d.h?”

There’s a sharp and heavy silence. He stared at you with frowned brows he looked confused, angry, and guilty at the same time.

“You looked through my phone?”

“It was kind of hard to ignore seeing k.d.h was texting you every five minutes.”

“You looked through my phone?” He repeated more sternly this time standing up to look down at you suddenly making you feel ten times smaller than you already felt. You averted your eyes awkwardly as he turned on your lamp, you flinched at the burst of dim light keeping your eyes down. He leaned down getting dangerously close to you, his face too close to yours for your comfort.

“Answer me, _____.”

“I did.” You finally whispered, shoulders slumped and eyes focused on your floor taking a deep breath. His stare was finally getting the best of you, you could feel your chest tightening, your stomach dropping, and a burning sensation in your eyes. You felt like a child being scolded, you hated this, you hated him for making you feel this way.

“Who is she?” You asked pathetically, blinking a few times trying to ignore the tears brimming your eyes. You looked up at him, head tilted sympathetically as your eyes begged him for an answer. His face softened at the utterly depressing look on your face, slowly resting a large hand on your bare thigh making you huff softly dabbing your eyes with your thumb.

“Her name is Kim Dahee. She’s…She’s my girlfriend.”

Your jaw dropped a little when you heard her name and the title she carried. He swallowed thickly looking down, sighing quietly, squeezing your thigh a little as your bottom lip quivered a bit. 

You felt gross, you felt used, you felt like a bad person, oh god, you were a bad person. 

“You-Your girlfriend?” You asked quietly, brows knit together feeling your chest get painfully tight at the fact this conversation was happening.

“We’ve been dating for around four months now.” You finally turn away from him wanting to throw up at the fact you were the other woman. Were you really though? You didn’t even know what the other woman entailed, so did you really fit the mold of the other woman?

“Oh, my god. Oh my god, you fucked my throat in a bathroom while you had a girlfriend! Y-You came over to my apartment, made out with me, came in your pants because of me, you tell me all this-this bullshit about liking me and you have an entire girlfriend! How fucking dense are you!”

You exploded shoving his hand off of your thigh, wanting no physical contact with Jung Jaehyun for the rest of your life. You’ve never felt so dumb in your life. You were an idiot. A dumb slut. You really let yourself fall for some dumb boy with a girlfriend. God, you felt disgusting.

“Hey, hey, calm down baby–”

“Don’t. Don’t call me that. What the hell is wrong with you?”

You snapped turning away from him to wipe your eyes with a frustrated groan, you shook your head sniffling softly. Hot tears were running down your cheeks, you couldn’t seem to stop the steady streams from dripping onto your sheets.

“You fucking preach how I don’t know you, how judgmental I’ve been towards you, and you’ve been cheating this whole time?” He pursed his lips together, not being able to say anything just sighed quietly looking at his feet. For the first time you left Jaehyun speechless, he was just standing there like an idiot.

“I should’ve known. I did know. I knew who you were, I knew you didn’t care about me or anyone but yourself, and I still––”

Your throat closed up a bit, letting out another frustrated groan, and looked up at him with a shake of your head.

“I was right about you.” You whispered looking at him with teary eyes, your chest aching a little at how hurt he looked at your words. You pretended you didn’t care, you knew he deserved it, but that didn’t stop it from causing an uncomfortable tightening sensation in your chest. There’s this heavy silence, one where he just stood in front of you guilt all over his beautiful face. You swallowed thickly, climbing back under your blankets holding tightly onto the comforting soft cover as you turned your back towards him.

“I want you out by seven.” You deadpanned staring at your white wall the light suddenly going out darkness consuming your room once again. “Alright.” He mumbled laying back down on the flimsy palette, sniffling softly as he rolled on his side.

Another heavy silence.

“You…You won’t tell her, right?”

You thought about it for a minute. You were never good at confrontation, especially with girls, you couldn’t imagine even approaching the stunning angel that was Kim Doyeon let alone telling her all the things you had done with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend. Jaehyun was her boyfriend. He was never going to be yours. No matter how hard or quietly you wanted him, he would never be yours.

“I won’t.” You whisper turning on your back to stare at the ceiling, the last of your silent tears running off your cheeks and onto your pillow. “Jaehyun,” Your tone was so weak and soft you hoped he would actually take you seriously, “I-I don’t want to do this if-if you have someone.”

Another damn silence.

“Okay. Okay, I get it.” You blinked a few times trying to get the sting of his agreement to get disappear, sighing softly at how heavy you felt. You at least thought it would be lighter after the resolution, but it only seemed to make everything heavier.

“Goodnight, ___.”

You didn’t respond. You couldn’t respond. You just stared at the wall, eyes heavy, but you couldn’t find sleep even though you desperately wanted to. You tossed and turned for what felt like hours, blankets tangled between your legs, Jaehyun’s even breathing the only sound filling your room. Your eyes looked up at your window seeing a faint ray of orange streaming into your room.

You blinked your heavy lids before looking down at the sleeping boy on your floor, a sad smile on your lips when you glanced over his relaxed figure sighing quietly. He looked beautiful sleeping, his long limbs relaxed and sprawled out on the floor, his lips relaxed and slightly parted, he was so beautiful. Slowly, you laid back down closing your eyes, trying to coax yourself back to sleep.

Suddenly there was a loud ring through your room, one you flinched at but didn’t say anything about it. You heard him groan and shift around, stumbling through your room to find his clothes, grumbling inaudible things as he gathered his things trying to be as quiet as he could. You kept your eyes closed, pretending to be asleep not wanting to deal with him or the inevitable goodbye that was to come.

The shuffling sounds grew closer till you felt his hand on your cheek. You couldn’t help but jump away a bit before leaning into his palm, knowing if you opened your eyes you’d be met with those doe eyes that made your chest want to explode. Slowly, you felt tentative lips press against your forehead, making your chest want to explode as usual. Without hesitation you let your eyes flutter open, staring up at him with tired yet wide eyes swallowing quietly as you two made eye contact.

You two just stared at each other, you could feel him begin to rub soft circles against your skin. He sighed quietly at how tired and sad you looked because of him, you finally adverted your eyes from his brown ones letting them focus on his wrist as you slowly place your hand on top of his. He was dressed in the clothes from last night, his hair was a wreck, and his eyes looked tired but he was still mesmerizing. It was way too quiet for your liking, it was weird for Jaehyun to be this quiet for this long but you understood.

You sensed him leaning in again. You almost let it happen, you almost let your lips collide with his, but even when his plush lips just brushed against yours you felt nerve-wracking guilt wreck through you. You turned away last second, your chest aching with want when you did so. You wanted him. You wanted him so bad but not like this. He rested his forehead against the side of your face, sighing quietly over the rejection before pressing one last soft kiss to your cheekbone.

He didn’t say anything, just grabbed his phone and walked out just like you expected him to. You slowly leaned down, grabbing the pillow he slept on with a soft sigh, pulling it to your chest with another quiet sigh nuzzling your face into the plush pillow. You inhaled the fading scent of him, your eyes growing wet as he filled your senses nails digging into the pillow.

There was a moment where you let yourself cry into your pillow. You let yourself mourn over a relationship that wasn’t even real, you could feel your eyes begin to burn at the steady flow of tears running down your cheeks. You finally lifted your head to wipe your eyes, sniffling a bit as you forced yourself to stop crying over Jaehyun, causing you to hiccup a little bit.

You checked the time on your phone rubbing your eyes till they were red and wet, blinking a few times to see your screen more clearly. It was only 7 AM. You could fall asleep and wake up before noon, get something to eat maybe, then make it to your study group by three. You put your phone back on your bedside table exhausted, burying your face back in Jaehyun’s pillow, hiccuping once again. You slowly fell into a weak sleep longing for him to be beside you.

[lurkinggirlie]

Elain & Azriel are EndGame

Azriel’s bonus chapter: semi-essay on my thoughts

This post will be a long one. The shipwar has been going on for far too long, and there's a possiblity that we'll be getting closure soon. So, I want to put my thoughts out there. For Obvious reasons, I could be very wrong, but this is what I think based on canon text: (Ignore any errors..I haven't edited this, and I'm sure there are many posts like this that are way more articulate)

Elriel are endgame. If they’re not then Azriel is kinda pathetic and having him end-up with anyone else is bad writing and character assassination. (Which we sadly won’t put past sjm but I don’t think she would..at least I hope)

1- Elain has no other love interest. Yes, Lucien is her mate but we have hinted at a broken/rejected mating bond for the longest time when it comes to these two so having them accept it eventually is going to be quite underwhelming, repetitive and boring. Even Lucien seems to have given up/isn’t interested in bridging that gap between them, which we’re told in both acofas and acosf. Unless you want to count the longing pointed out by Cassian, although Cassian also pointed out that Lucien was also uncomfortable when he mentioned his mate. To add on, there is no sexual tension between the two, and we know how important that is for sjm’s couple. You can't keep whining "but Elain isn't giving him a chance, if only she gave him a chance, then maybe this and maybe that" Elain is not a seprate entity, she is what SJM writes, Sjm could have written that but she did not yet and I'm not sure if she will. It feels too late at this point, she had already shown us that Elain has feelings for someone else aka Azriel. The author doesn't have to spell everything out for us to understand to what's going on. Sarah usually makes it clear who's endgame. and she literally is. So, it would be very sudden and out of the blue if Lucien and Elain were to end up together when she had never shown it before. When even Azriel pointed this out “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him, anyway” people can say Rhys killed elriel, that the bonus chapter ended them. But this line right here tells us otherwise! First we know Azriel and Elain can read each other so well that they don’t need words, and then Azriel tells us this. He’s literally telling us that Elain does not want Lucien.

We also cannot compare elucien to Feysand or Nessian in the “enemies to lovers" department, because these two seem to hardly care about each other. For obvious reasons she wouldn’t accept or reject Lucien in a book that isn’t hers. But if they do end up together I’d feel robbed that she had more sexual tension with Azriel than she did with Lucien. And we know that Nessian and Feysand had sexual tension before getting together. Most of what we got from Elain and Lucien was awkwardness, and discomfort. Not a single spark. Furthermore, it would feel like Azriel was just leading Elain own. Plus their romance (Lucien and Elain)  would not feel organic, only getting with Lucien because she felt rejected by Azriel, which doesn’t give epic romance no matter how sjm tries to spin it. It would always make Lucien seem like the second choice.

2- Azriel regifting the necklace was a dickhead move, and offensive to both girls. Anyone thinking the regifting of the necklace ended elriel or started gwynriel is delusional and clearly doesn’t know how the romance genre works. (should’ve thrown the gift in the Sidra like Cassain did) I can’t believe Rhys isn’t paying Azriel enough that he felt the need to return the necklace to the shop instead of throwing it. Senstive Illyrian baby indeed. 

3- Rhys saying stay away from Elain (can we take a moment to appreciate how sexy Rhys was for pulling rank, he really made the ship more interesting now) and Azriel actually listening to him?? When he told him you can’t order me to do that. shit would be underwhelming if Azriel actually stayed away? Hello? Secret relationship potential ? Hello? Forbidden romance potential  ??? The tropes would be epic. Sjm had never done that. And I’m not saying she will, but this is how I see it playing out. + Azriel saying it was a mistake to Elain, and Elain apologizing?? The fact she was confused/hurt and probably thought she misunderstood the whole situation? SHE IS BABYGIRL?? Regardless, Azriel saying it was a mistake and it being a mistake is NOT it. This is not how romance works most of the time. This is such a basic romantic trope, why are a lot of people misinterepting it? Elain deserves better, and sjm isn’t about to hurt Elain’s feelings without making it up to her. And she’s definitely not making Azriel end up with another girl before he fixes that shit. I will be needing a proper apology to Elain.  

4- Whenever people think of the bonus chapter they weigh in Azriel’s feelings far more than Elain’s. It’s clear that Elain and Azriel’s feelings are MUTUAL, ignore the bonus chapter and it’s right there in the actual book. I don’t think Elain got the memo that Azriel had  a conversation with another girl after he hurt her feelings which made him realize he’s in love all of a sudden. *sarcasm*  that would be very out of character for Azriel. 

5- His chest sparkling at the thought of Gwyn getting the necklace was so??? I have been saying he’s for the streets and yes this was out of pocket. So, I understand people shipping them. However it could mean anything really, you can't continue saying that Gwyn in the bonus has to mean something, and that that spark must mean somethig but continue to disreagrd every single Elriel interaction like they mean nothing. Because for it to be taken as romance we’d have to ignore the beginning of the bonus, the feysand’s bonus acosf/acomaf/acowar and acofas. + we could easily take this in a platonic way, which is how I viewed it when I read the bonus. Not everything has to be romantic. And sjm will NOT introduce a new guy to make him end up with Elain since we already established Elain doesn’t want Lucien and Lucien doesn’t want her either. 

6- I know that a lot of people have theories about Gwyn being a lightsinger and all of this happening because of her powers (While I do think this is very smart, it wasn’t something I thought of so I won’t talk about it). I do think it’s possible, and all the theories I saw were really cool but idk where sjm is going with this, so to make it simple I do think it could be because she’s his student, she went through a lot it could simply be platonic happiness that a girl who went through so much is going to be happy about something. Even if it was a secondhand necklace specifically picked with ANOTHER girl in mind PLUS I do think sjm wanted drama, and for people to doubt elriel cuz now they have all these obstacles, so Gwyn would be the easy choice, but the second choice regardless. The relationship would feel icky and I genuinely cannot see the potential gwynriels keep talking about. I would take the ship a lot more seriously if a) he didn’t regift her another girl’s necklace b) there was more to them in the actual book. c) he wasn’t still upset about it 3 days later… 

7- There’s a high possibility Gwyn never even got the necklace..

He gave it to Clotho not Gwyn, he didn’t want his name mentioned, and then said if any other girl would like it to give it to them: the aim was to get rid of Elain’s necklace. It’s sort of a parallel with Cassain throwing away Nesta’s present.

I think it’s possible that Azriel went there because he knows how much the girls in the library have suffered, especially since his mom did too, it's possible he thought "okay this is a pretty necklace, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what could've been, so instead of throwing it let another girl be happy about it. At least it won’t go to waste”

Clotho could tell there was something wrong, like maybe she sensed the energy and decided ayeee let me keep this aside for him, he might come back and ask for it. 

The bonus did not happen at the end of the book 

If Azriel was truly in love with Gwyn now /or he wanted her/ or more between them was going to happen/ or they were mates according to some theories we could have AT LEAST gotten more after the bonus. 

We know the bonus happened after solstice.

Nesta mentions that Azriel was stone-faced and more aloof than usual, he wouldn’t even give her a smile. That was 3 days after the necklace situation. I think it would’ve been a great opportunity to highlight any attraction between Azriel and Gwyn.

Maybe he sees the necklace around her neck, maybe Nesta and Emerie compliment Gwyn’s necklace, or Gwyn telling them she doesn’t know who it’s from, maybe they tease her that someone might have a crush on her. Nesta could’ve pointed out that Azriel was looking at Gwyn’s necklace.or looking at Gwyn in some sort of way. Literally anything. 

Anyone pointing out the way Azriel and Gwyn looked at each other. A charged glance perhaps. Literally ANYTHING. We only got him looking at her with admiration which is very teacher coded. 

If sjm hadn’t made Nesta realize Azriel had a thing for Elain then maybe gwnyriel would’ve been more appealing to me. But no, Nesta noticed. This doesn’t mean nothing people.

aside from that we got nothing romantic, but a part of the fandom still acts like we need to exile Elain because she’s coming between Gwyn and Azriel’s epic love story.

Not everyone has access to the bonus.  

The Azriel chapter was only in ONE store in the US, but Feysand’s bonus chapter was in 3 stores in the US and UK. I don't know but something tells me it’s more important.  Soooo if SJM would do a love interest switch she would not do it in a bonus chapter, and wouldn’t be highlighting the Az/Elain interactions in ACOSF as much as she did. 

Feyre’s chapter focuses on Elain, it literally tells us Elain is next once we’re done helping Nesta. EASY MATH. and the Azriel bonus also focuses on elriel/Azriel’s feelings. ENDGAME MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. 

But the girls swear up and down that Gwyn and Azriel’s book is next because of a secondhand necklace. 

Let’s assume elriels are the delusional ones (like so many of them say), how do we explain these. 

Casual readers who usually read books and aren’t on the internet and aren’t looking for bonus content (wish that was me)  (lord knows I skipped every bonus chapter in throne of glass and crescent city and I wasn’t confused about anything. Not even once) so they’d expect answers for 

The Charged glance between Azriel and Elain

Azriel following the sound of Elain’s laughter. 

Elain looking away when Azriel smiled at her during family dinner, Cassian god bless him that idiot could NOT piece all of that together. BUT it was still highlighted through his POV ???

His secret to tell never hers (and we do learn of that secret in the bonus but people who didn’t read it could only guess so they’d want a confirmation) and sjm did say in one of her lives that Nesta learns of one of Azriel’s secrets (she looked all giddy about it)... and that Azriel is going through some shit right now…and we learn why from the bonus chapter. 

Cassian being confused that it seems like Azriel moved on from Mor

Nesta pointing out that Elain moved on from Graysen

Cassian wondering why Elain is lying about where she’s going. (I viewed this as her avoiding Azriel but idk) 

Azriel’s protectiveness of Elain. He gives mate behavior without the mate part. (I will hit him on the head though omg let my girl do something)

Elain willing to look for the troves even when Nesta wasn’t, the girl wants to do something  (her journey is coming next) 

Nesta wondering if Elain is training with Azriel or the twins (who are spies that were trained by Azriel !!!) 

Feyre telling Azriel that Elain got him beat for secret keeping. Sure it might sound delusional but Elain keeps being compared to Az/being a spy and maybe this could be a thing. 

Elain speaking back to her sisters about them treating her like a child?? Hello finally 

The way Elain’s mother only treated her like a pretty doll which shaped up Elain’s whole life??? I want this from Elain’s POV sooo bad 

In conclusion, we’re not pausing Elain’s story so Azriel can end up with a side character in a spinoff about an og side character, we’re sticking to our og side characters for now.

Azriel being over Mor because of Elain, and Elain moving on from Graysen because of Azriel only for Elain to get over Azriel to be with Lucien (who we got nothing from aside a mating bond..) and for Az to get over Elain and questioning fate for her…only to end up with gwyn…like I don’t think anyone could take Azriel’s feelings seriously if this happens. Shit will be too goofy.  Because if he ends up with Gwyn who says he won’t move on to the next pretty girl he sees afterwards.

To add to that, what plot would we have for Azriel and Gwyn. We'll get more Valkyries training, more healing journey so the plot would have to be paused for this. Nesta’s book was mostly about her healing journey and friendship, while it was nice I don’t want a repeat for the next book. Especially since we know the Rite took a toll on Gwyn, she went back to the library, wasn’t even sure she would make it to Nessian’s mating ceremony. This doesn’t give the protagonist of the next book to me. Or "I thought it was pretty obvious"

Elain’s healing journey had started in ACOWAR, she got her friends in ACOWAR. Now is their TIME to do something!! She is next. 

Closing thoughts on what I think would happen based off each ship happening: 

If elriel happens = new sjm couple dynamic/interesting plot. Fresh sjm protagonist that is unlike sjm's others + we don’t ignore all the foreshadowing and hints. We follow the love triangle we set up in the og trilogy + finally get a rejected mating bond. And instead of warrior training we might get spy training and instead of physical power (as far as we know) we get something more mental. Again this is very new for sjm + there’s a lot to Elain’s power that we don’t know and since Azriel was the one who found out what she was, I think it would make more sense for him to know how to help her. Imagine the sexual tension during training..yes please. I hope sjm doesn’t rob me. Elain is really mysterious, we got Nesta’s inner thoughts before her book but we still haven't gotten a peep about Elain’s inner thoughts and I’m just dying to know more. AND THE STAKES!

1) Rhys forbidding Azriel from Elain, 2) Elain’s mating bond,3) Azriel’s self doubt and how he doesn’t think he’s good enough. 4) The blood duel and the political mess we could get into. (Lucien probs won't but what if Beron would, the breeding potential, A seer must be a powerful thing she can see things others can't and I think that’s valuable. If Eris thought Nesta was valuable as cauldron made and there was no potential there, so The Autumn court probably feels even more entitled to Elain) We have high inner and outer stakes. I have a feeling SJM will fumble all this potential but a girl can dream 

If elucien happens = another successful mating bond + “enemies”  to lovers sort of but they won’t ever be mean to each other so maybe not enemies, just dislike and awkwardness to friends to lovers?  We ignore the hints about a rejected bond and in mating bonds we trust. We also ignore all the elriel hints, and their mutual feelings. We follow the love triangle set up in the og trilogy. I don’t think Lucien could train her in anything? Maybe self defense, Idk Sarah could pull something, but I don’t see Elain leaving her circle of friends but neither do I see Lucien settling in the night court and leaving his own friends. There are no stakes but Elain’s and Lucien’s awkwardness around each other + Elain’s feelings for Azriel. Elain’s and Lucien’s plot connects though so at least there’s that, SJM could ship them off on a mission together and make them get closer. Forced proximity sort of thing. 

If gwynriel happens then = we lost the whole plot, ignored the foreshadowing and hints found in the actual book. Mentor to lovers, civil with each other. Azriel has to move on from Elain first though and that could be icky. Healing journey, more Valkyries training. So we pick up from where we left off in acosf, and we’d see Azriel trying to get her to come out of the Library, or he goes to visit her there until she agrees to come out again. Maybe if Gwyn is a lightsinger then idk more training with Azriel? Again, no stakes but Gwyn’s trauma and Azriel’s self doubt oh and also his feelings for Elain. But that’s it, Gwyn as of now does not connect to the overall plot with the troves (she’s not made therefore she can’t use them) or koschei. So I don’t see us making her go on a mission like that. I’ve seen a lot of gwynriles saying Gwyn has spy potential idk where, but she could barely keep a secret for Nesta so I highly doubt she’d be keeping secrets for the IC. 

Ps: the original koschei plot is 3 sisters marrying 3 very powerful wizards and like idk 3 sisters 3 brothers…we can have a retelling ya know 

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Tohru Honda: a Subversion of Shoujo’s Nice Girl Trope

Fruits Basket absolutely nails subverting your expectations of character tropes in anime. 

Momiji is introduced as the cute childish boy but boom we are slapped with the fact that he a mother who hated him so much she had her memories wiped of him. Shigure right off the bat looks like the typical perverted uncle of anime when in reality he is one the most manipulative characters in the series. Ayame is the flamboyant, boisterous one whose bravado hides his regret and desire to repent for his past neglect of his younger brother. Which ultimately brings me to the protagonist of Furuba itself, Tohru Honda.

I'll make it no secret that I have a huge soft spot for Fruits Basket as a series. It was the first manga I read, I watched the 2001 series and I was right on the hype train when I saw it was getting a remake that would follow the manga storyline. But I did my best to be as objective as possible in this essay of sorts saying why I believe Tohru is a great example of subverting the "Nice Girl Protagonist" of Shoujo. Tohru is the protagonist of Fruits Basket and when it comes to those who don't like her, it seems she can be hit or miss due to the assumption that she is perfect. 

The general consensus of those who do not like her or find her bland compared to the rest of the cast is that Tohru is a perfect and bland protagonist with no issues of her own. That all she does is wave her healing wand of warm smiles and makes everything better for those around her.

However, that opinion couldn't be more misguided. In reality, Tohru is just as emotionally broken as the Sohmas and they mend her heart just as much as she mends theirs. As such, I hope to show those who find her bland or otherwise boring that there is more substance to Tohru's character than they believe.

At first glance, Tohru does seems like your typical Shoujo protagonist. She's nice, almost to a fault. She would rather talk her way out of a situation instead of throwing hands, she doesn't get mad in situations other typically would, and she has a hard time asking for help. Oh and with a dash of anime originality, she's an orphan. However even as early as episode 1, you can see hints that Tohru is not going to be the usual nice girl protagonist with her desire to work and be as independent as possible. The mangaka does a great job throughout the series showing with hints and broad examples that Tohru is just as complex as the colorful cast around her.

Ironically enough though, when hints of Tohru's trauma are sprinkled throughout the series it is seen as annoying even when the Furuba takes time to give insight into why she does the things she does.

She mentions her mother constantly in anecdotes of whimsical stories or snippets of wisdom her mother imparted her with.

Compared to the death of parents to other anime protagonists, Tohru's situation is a bit more unique. Tohru's father may have died when she was young but the same cannot be said for her mother, Kyoko, who died fairly recently. When the series begins, Kyoko has only been dead for a few months and it is more than apparent as early as episode 1 that Tohru is desperate to keep any semblance of her mother's existence alive. Kyoko died before Tohru's first year of high school even ended and worse, was told in the middle of class. Tohru has had barely any time to heal from this loss and it is evident in how she talks to her mother's photo.

Yes, in Japanese culture, it may be typical to have photos of departed family members, making a shrine for them and leaving offerings from time to time. But Tohru takes this to a completely different level, showcasing how deep her trauma runs.

When she is digging frantically to take out her mother's photo after the landslide destroyed her tent, she cries "She can't breathe in there. She's in pain." And that's just episode one.

Nobody completely over the death of their parent would speak like this, referring to a photo as a living person. She lost her mother and she didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, even feeling guilt to an extent about the situation. Tohru didn't wake up to tell her mother that she would see her later. There is no way that simply getting up to tell her mother goodbye would have changed the outcome of her fate, but Tohru still feels that way. That it didn't matter if she had tests or work or the next day, the one she should have put first was her mother. 

Anyone who has or is currently experiencing the grief of losing a loved one has likely done the same. Wondering if, if the situation was anything other than illness or old age, there was something they could have done. Things they should have said or could have said differently. What more could they have done to help and the feeling is all consuming. Even if it is unprompted, they somehow will manage to insert their lost family or friend into a conversation that didn't include them or may randomly begin talking about them. A lot of the time, these people don't even realize that they're doing it which is shown in season 2 with Tohru when Hiro asks her why she talks about her mother so much.

She is too positive.

Tohru's positivity is one of the most easily seen aspects of her character. Where others might see the glass half-empty, Tohru sees it as half-full. Her positivity is even noted upon by characters within the show, Saki (Hanajima) mentioning that she doesn't believe she could personally smile like that so soon after the death of a loved one.

Tohru doesn't like thinking about her problems. She doesn't like expressing her sadness. She doesn't want to worry those around her when they likely have their own problems to worry about. Saki predicts that this ability Tohru has to act this way is because she would scold herself if she ever showed a hint of sadness. And Saki was right because we see Tohru later on doing exactly that, crying but forcing herself to try and smile and scolding herself for not keeping it together.

Rather than let Yuki comfort her when she is in tears, she smiles and completely changes the topic even though tears are coming down her face.Tohru tells Kyo that she needs a minute to get herself together because breaking down in tears in front of him wasn't what she planned. She was supposed to smile when she saw him again.

Tohru would rather pretend everything is fine even when she is seconds away from falling apart because toxic positivity is something she struggles with.

No one can be that positive all the time, not even Tohru.

Tohru has a hard time asking others for help.

Yes, Tohru is kind-hearted by nature but she genuinely does believe that she could burden those she troubles for help. Considering how her maternal side of the family wanted nothing to do with her and her paternal side of the family talks poorly about her, it isn't difficult to see where that frame of thinking came to be. When her mother died, her paternal side of the family didn't argue over who wanted to take Tohru in, they argued over who should take Tohru in and that is an important distinction. Even more so the fact, they had these arguments in front of her. When it was finally settled that she should live with her grandfather and that was uprooted due to upcoming renovations, it makes sense that she would rather be homeless in a tent than bother her friends who don't have the space to provide for an additional person even if that.

In Tohru's mind, it was shown very clearly by her family that she is a burden. She's an extra mouth to feed and an unwanted mouth at that, as her family never holds back in disparaging Kyoko even if Tohru is present.

As such, when Tohru is in a situation where she has no other choice than to accept their help, she believes she should be extremely grateful. They're taking their time to help her when they easily could have done otherwise, so why should she want more? Why should she complain? If she has any desires, she pushes it down because of that belief because she feels awful and that she shouldn't want for more when people are already going out of their way to help an extra mouth to feed. Because of this mentality cultivated by the bulk of her paternal relatives mistreatment, she will seldom voice her wants.

She never gets angry or upset.

To say Tohru never gets angry or close to physical in her reactions is far from the truth. Tohru gets angry when the issue impacts those that she cares about.

Tohru can tolerate being mistreated but she will always draw the line at the abuse being directed to someone else. When she first meets Akito and she sees Yuki's clear discomfort and fear, she pushes Akito away from him immediately. When she witnesses Momiji being punched by Akito, she immediately steps in and places herself in front of Momiji to physically shield him. When Rin tells her not to meddle with the curse and involve herself, Tohru, without cruelty, shoots back that she will absolutely meddle and involve herself because she refuses to lose the people she cares about to someone who has clearly been abusing them emotionally and physically for years. Tohru's tolerance for mistreatment has a limit, she is just unfortunately not included in that limit. So when we finally see her get angry in a scenario that includes herselfー when Kyo tries to run away because he feels he doesn't deserve her love, it's incredible.

There is so much more to Tohru than meets the eye. Tohu's reaction to Yuki getting a cold isn't just Tohru overreacting for the sake of being a nice girl, it's because her father died from a cold he brushed off and that cold turned into a fatal illness. For Tohru, colds aren't something that can just be brushed away because what if it turns into something worse.

Tohru would rather wear clothes until they practically fall apart than buy new clothes because she knows that she can't just spend her money haphazardly. But when it came to Valentine's Day and wanting to express her gratitude for those who cared about her, she had no problem dropping an entire check to purchase the ingredients to make enough chocolate for everyone.

She disregards herself and the efforts she puts forward. When she feels she has failed in helping Arisa, she specifically says "everyone around me has always helped me and when it is my turn to do the same, I can't." These aren't problems she overcomes herself by simply "smiling through the pain" as some who discredit her argue. Tohru is repeatedly loved and helped by those around her who care for her and opens herself up to receive that love and help over time. She is taught by her grandfather and Sohmas that is okay for her to be selfish and ask for things.

Her friends teach her that she helps them so much and that in reality they feel like they are never there to help her when she needs it.Her friends get upset that the same amount of money she would spend on them, she wouldn't spend on herself.

She is told that the way she villainized Katsuya after his death because doesn't make her dirty or a bad person because she was a child that was scared to lose her mother. That her fear and desperation to make her mother acknowledge her was understandable. That mimicking her father in her attempt to draw her mother's attention probably helped more than she realized.

Tohru is not just a "Nice Shoujo Girl" Protagonist, she is a girl with trauma who would rather focus on the issues someone else has than look to her own.

Like I said before, this isn't me trying to get Tohrus haters to like her. People are entitled to like and dislike whichever characters they please, but it is a complete disservice to Natsuki Takaya's writing to say Tohru is bland and has no struggles of her own. Tohru has many problems and struggles she has to deal with throughout the series and seeing those issues she overcomes being brushed aside as her being perfect and having no problems is a complete oversight. As such, I just simply wanted to peel back Tohru's layers and showcase that just as characters such as Momiji, Shigure and Ayame are more than the tropes they are introduced as, Tohru is as well.

[i wrote this on reddit too]

[rowretro]

𝓜𝓻 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭

✧taglist:✧ @strxwbloody

✧warnings: toxic/yandere themes, violence

✧synopsis: Yandere Sunoo, is a young teacher at y/n's high school, the 2 only having a 3-4 year gap. He's so in love with her. She's sweet, cute, loving and sensitive, she's a goddamn pushover and she needs him. Sunoo watches you, he knows everything about you, where you live, what you like, how you feel.

And now he finally has you.... though you're not into him....

✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧❁✧

You clutched onto your books, feeling judged as you walk down the hallways. Though the school board were ok with it, and Your parents were even willing to marry you off to Sunoo, there are no barriers for Sunoo. You even tried running away, how stupid of you. Your bruises and cuts were almost healed, thigh high socks hiding them from people's view.

You had to distance yourself from Jungwon too, not because of Yena and her group, who were thankfully expelled, but because of Sunoo. He gets so jealous on an insane level. You heard the locker slam shut, sighing as you knew who it was... Yang Jungwon. Things didn't exactly end the way you hoped they would.

You planned on drifting from him like most friends do, though it was hard, crying at home, missing the one close friend who was there for you no matter what. A boy you possibly had a crush on. You found out he had feelings for you too. However, you were with Sunoo and Won hid his love perfectly, but when you found out, Sunoo forced you to fall out with him, saying she only befriended him and acted nice to use him. She had no other choice but to do just that.

Jungwon gave you a dirty look before walking off. You stood by your locker feeling pretty hurt when you felt someone pat your shoulder. "Y/n, stop daydreaming and get to class... I don't like late comers" Sunoo said as the girl rolled her eyes when he wasn't looking. Sunoo smirked when heard the tapping of her platform heels not too far behind him.

The whole lesson, his eyes were on you. The other students too busy with their essays to even look at Sunoo. Not that he cared anyway. He loved watching you do normal things like studying. The way you sort of fiddle with hair or spin your pencil between your fingers, or doodle artistic little doodles around your work once you're done, waiting for the others to finish So you could start marking them.

"Why was Sungchan talking to you?!" Sunoo asked as you got in the car. "Huh? oh, he wanted me to help him with something" you simply answered as Sunoo stared at you intensely "help him with what?!" he asked, clearly annoyed. "Math homework. Don't worry I said no. He won't bother me anymore..." She added as the male narrowed his eyes at her, but smirked to himself hearing how she handled him.

Upon arriving home, the girl showered first, silently getting changed before going to the living room to do her homework while Sunoo marked some papers. "Sunoo... are clouds edible?" the girl suddenly asked as Sunoo frowned. "No... have you learned nothing in geography?" he asked as the girl shrugged. "I thought it would taste like marshmallows..." the girl mumbled with a pout.

"Y/n what is this?!" Sunoo asked as the girl blinked "test?" she said, blinking innocently as he glared at her, showing her paper and her bestfriend's paper "the same exact answers and you both failed what is this?" "Omg we have the same answers... makes sense we study together... and we took the same exam with the same questions" the girl said acting shocked as Sunoo sighed.

The girl sighed, lying upside down on the sofa, as she switched through the channels. "Sunoo... can I go out with my best friend?... I'm bored..." the girl asked as he stared at her in disbelief. "No. I'm not letting you go out. Last time you almost fucking ran away..." Sunoo pointed out as he squeezed one of her fresher wounds. "Did you learn nothing?...." he asked as the girl winced.

The girl gently pulled away as she sat normally, moving away from Sunoo. "Babe..." Sunoo called out as he sat beside "yes?" the girl asked as Sunoo turned to her "Do you love me?" he asked as the girl went silent. How the fuck could she? he hurt her, he gets dangerously jealous he fucking kidnapped her for the love of god. "yeah..." she said as Sunoo nodded.

"Then say it." He said "Say what?" "Say that you love me." he asked as the girl went silent. "Why you already know I love you right?" the girl asked, nervously chuckling as he stared at her. "You don't love me do you?..." he asked, silence trailing after. "I love you Sunoo..." she said, a forced sincere tone, with hidden venom and disgust. "How comes you never say it or kiss me or hug me or do what girlfriends do?!" he asked as the girl went silent.

"Because you're busy with school work and at school we can't fraternize..." she pointed out as the male nodded. "Hmm... I guess that checks out." he said, leaning over toward her, pulling her into his embrace and kissing her forehead not caring about the girl's unresponsiveness.

[cherry-muses]

tom riddle x gn! reader: oneshot

<a/n: oneshot after the image! haven't written in a while so i lowkey feel like this sucks. ps: sorry i disappeared for like 5 months lol i had to graduate. >

tags: mentions of a difficult childhood, orphanage, bullying, hurt/comfort, fluff

He was sat across you, writing his History of Magic essay with his ever-so-neat handwriting. The only sounds you could hear were those of his quill scratching the parchment and of you turning the pages of your Potions textbook.

As Riddle wrote, his other free hand rested on the table, and you couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that he had really pretty hands. Your eyes subtly scanned them and eventually landed on the sleeve of his robes… which seemed to be a little torn and frayed at the edges.

You smiled to yourself, knowing the exact spell required to make the sleeve good as new… secretly hoping that Riddle would give you one of his rare smiles when you did. Perhaps it’d make the boring study session slightly more entertaining, and the rather bleak winter evening more colourful.

You tentatively reached your hand to gently hold his wrist, and gave him a soft smile. “I could fix that… may I?” You asked, gesturing to the torn sleeve.

To your surprise, Tom did not give you even the smallest smile. In fact, he flinched and harshly pulled his hand away, giving you an accusatory glare at the same time. “I’d much appreciate if you wouldn’t disturb me when I’m trying to work. And I know perfectly well to take care of my own clothing, thank you.”, he snapped. “I think I’d much rather spend my evening with someone who isn’t so dull and irritating to the core.”

“I didn’t mean-”, but you were rudely cut off mid-sentence by Riddle slamming his textbook shut, stuffing it into his satchel and storming off, out of the library.

You were left sitting alone in the library, feeling an odd mixture of guilt, anger, and confusion, holding back tears.

It was the next evening, when you were approached by the dark-haired prefect again. You had been reading by the fireplace in the Slytherin common room when he came up to you, fists clenched at his sides in nervousness. “What do you want, Riddle?”, you spoke, rather harshly, as you sat up straight to face him.

“I am… sorry.”, he replied, voice strained as if it was taking him a great deal of effort to get the words out.

You slammed your book shut, tossing it aside on the couch in annoyance. “I am sorry too.”, you replied, not a hint of emotion in your voice.

“You’re sorry?”, he asked, frowning in confusion.

“For assuming we're friends.”

For a split second a look of hurt flashed across his sharp features, until, ever the Slytherin, Riddle schooled his expression to appear vaguely sad.

“I should not have spoken in that way to you.”, he begins.

“No, you shouldn’t have.”, you retort.

You are both silent for a few moments, and the air has a sort of charged tension which makes you feel like either one of you would be storming off at any moment.

It comes as a bit of a surprise, then, when he instead chooses to sit close to you on the black couch, the water from the Great Lake casting a greenish glow upon the two of you.

“I really am sorry. I must admit, out of sheer habit I had assumed the worst intentions out of you.”

Those deep brown irises of his conveyed a kind of sincerity you had never before seen in him. You hoped to Merlin it was genuine.

“It is no excuse but I’d like to…er, explain why I behaved in such a way. Not justify, just explain.”, he said, a request for you to kindly hear him out implicit in his words. You somehow found yourself nodding, silently urging him to continue.

“You know where I grew up. I much prefer to hide it, but somehow your… constant affection has gently coerced me into entrusting to you the things I wish I could hide even from myself. ” He pauses, sighing and staring outside the dungeon windows, into the depths of the Great Lake.

“As would be expected, the orphanage wasn’t made of money. They could hardly feed us twice a day.” He was practically avoiding your eyes now. “My wardrobe essentially consisted of the worn clothes people donated. And, well.” A pause. “My first time on the Hogwarts express, a group of Ravenclaws found it a good enough excuse to remind me of my inferiority… and throw a couple of assorted hexes my way.”

Realization dawned on you, and at once you took his hand in yours, gently caressing his skin with your thumb. “Oh…”

“Well, since then I’ve managed to handle such issues with reparation spells, but I suppose I missed my robe’s sleeve. Which caught your attention yesterday. And… and when you tried to fix it, I just...”

You could bear it no more, and without any warning he was engulfed in a hug. “Tom, I’m so so sorry. I should’ve known.”

“No, it is my fault, for comparing you to someone who was been cruel to me, when you’ve always shown me nothing but the complete opposite.”, he breathed out softly.

There was a look of steely determination on your face now. “Promise me one thing, Riddle.”

“Hmm?”, he inquired, far too occupied with staring into your eyes to bother with actual words.

“Next time you feel like that, please… please just talk to me.”, you request. “I hate when we hurt each other in such a way.”

“Anything you ask.”, he says. You beam at him and gently kiss his forehead

The rest of the evening was spent cuddling on that couch, whispering sweet nothings to one another and watching the fish swim by in the lake.

[gayerthanevertbh]

stay

pairings: pervy!older!natasha x babysitter!reader

warnings: dub-con, natasha being a pervert, non-consensual kiss, anal sex, strap-on (r receiving), mommy kink (n receiving), breeding kink, biting, pet names, dirty talking, praise kink, and more 18+ MINORS DNI

notes: a universe where natasha could actually feel reader with her strap? LMAO? ENJOY??

masterlist | navigation

“How is she?”

I was startled by the sound of Ms. Romanoff’s voice that I had hoped that she wouldn’t have seen me flinching. Turning around, I replied quietly: "She's doing well, Aliana just got into bed.”

She smiled and walked to her room, probably kissing her goodnight. Since Ms. Romanoff prefers to be alone at times, this was my cue to get up and leave. I’ve always been her babysitter ever since I started senior year, and she once admitted that I was her favorite. Knowing how I have parental issues, that information brightened me up like a sunflower. I grabbed my sling bag and stepped outside when I heard a faint call from her, saying: “Why don’t you stay for a bit? It’s raining outside.”

“Oh, I can manage. My house is just–”

She interrupts me, shaking her head, insisting me to stay. “No, please, stay. I think I’d like some company.”

I was taken aback by this. Did she want to spend time with me? Why? I was younger than her by two decades, and the only conversation we would create is about Aliana and how she is such a good child – which I don’t mind. I gave her a small nod and walked back inside, hearing the door shut firmly behind me.

Natasha led me to the kitchen and grabbed two glasses that were meant for drinking alcohol. She took a looking expensive whiskey bottle and poured herself a drink. One thing I know about Natasha is that she loves drinking her favorite alcohol: whiskey. Sometimes vodka, but, that would depend on the feel of her day.

“H-How was the convention?” I asked with my tippy-toes.

“It was great,” she answered, her voice getting deeper as the night aroused. “Do you want a drink?”

“I-I’m eighteen.”

“Right,” she mumbles under her breath, almost cursing that she forgot that I was just a minor. Well, technically an adult who isn’t legally allowed to drink. “Sorry, I’ve had a rough day. You know… all these clients and stuff. Why don’t we sit on the couch?’

I followed her all the way back to the living room and sat down beside her, but we were inches apart. I’d say a good amount of gap between us. I pressed my knees together and started playing with the skin of my nails, wondering and thinking in my head about what else I could talk about with her. Possibly, she’ll be bored if I talk about my school, right? It was hard. It’s writing an essay that you don’t even like.

She pushes her hair away from her forehead and inhales through her nose, I could hear her breathing pretty well from the distance. She asked, “Got a boyfriend or something?”

I shook my head, dismissing the fact that I was never in a relationship.

“No.”

She chuckles, bringing the rim of her glass to her lips as she takes a long sip; smacking her plump lips afterward, tasting the sensational feeling of the alcohol on the tip of her tongue.

“Boys are dumb anyway.”

“I never had a girlfriend either.”

She looks at me with bewildered eyes. “Seriously?” she was trying not to laugh, but she couldn’t help herself but chuckle lightly at my confession – it almost made me want to cover my face. “Well, I assumed you were into girls as well.”

“H-How?”

“The way you dress,” she said with a long deep hum. “Maybe the way you would stare at me whenever you’re here.”

“Oh,” I let out a hiccup, taking my eyes away from the woman as I felt my cheeks heating up from the statement," she has said. Did she seriously see me staring at her?! “I-I’m sorry, I have a staring problem.”

“Me too.”

I looked at her and noticed that she was gazing into my eyes, then into my lips. But that briefly happened when she took another sip from her glass, and her eyes were removed from mine – as much as to my disappointment. Natasha said, “My daughter really likes you, she’s never been like this with any nannies.”

I giggled, covering my mouth. “I’m glad that I get to be her nanny, Aliana is a great kid.”

She nods, smiling to herself while drinking from her glass once more. “Yeah,” she mumbles. “She’s my only baby.”

“W-what happened to her dad?” my mouth didn’t stop me from speaking out of my mind, and I sincerely regret saying it out loud. She turns her head slowly and gives me a look that I don’t recognize from her. It’s a different look, and I knew I’ve crossed the line. “I’m sorry! I-I shouldn’t have said that, I was just curious–”

“Gone,” she responded, her voice on edge, but her eyes were soft like a petal of a rose. “He’s gone. He’s a fuck-up.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” she chuckles, rather deeply, and finishes her glass with a form of red seeping out of her eyebags. “Shit, it’s late. Why don’t you stay for the night? I have a spare room.”

“I don’t think so,” I replied kindly, rubbing my forearm in response to my anxiety. She tilts her head and smiles, shaking her head. “N-No, I’m sorry. My mom must be expecting me to come home.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go tell your mom that you’re staying with me.”

It wasn’t because I was scared of her, it was more like I was trespassing into her home since I’m not a family member nor a friend in her eyes. I was just a babysitter, a good little babysitter for her kid. It was getting colder outside, and the windows started to fog up due to the coolness. So maybe staying at her place wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

But I couldn’t, knowing my infatuation for the older woman will increase like a gas pedal. I said quietly, “I have to go home, Ms. Romanoff. It is rather late and I have school tomorrow–”

“Please,” she asked, almost in a begging matter as she intertwined her hands with mine, holding it close to her stomach. “Stay with me, just for the night.”

Natasha sits closer and slips her hand into my shorts, touching my crotch through the cloth of my panties. I gasped loudly, knowing that this scene could go somewhere else and that it might as well be sinful to sight. I shake my head, trying to push her hand away, but she puts on more pressure and kisses the shell of my ear like a predator insatiable for its prey. “Natasha!”

“Please,” she begs again, kissing my neck with wet lips. “Let me touch you, just stay still for me…”

She palms my arousing core, breathing hard on my neck with whimpering noises that sounded too lewd for my ears. I turned my head away but her other hand pulled my chin to her side and sloppily gave me a kiss on the mouth, moaning with a cry cracking inside her throat. This felt surreal to me, the kiss made the uncomfortable silence slip away but I was in my head too much. I needed to slip away from her mouth, this wasn’t making me feel very good. She was sweet but rough, hard but also soft. And when she groped my left breast, I knew that was my last straw.

“Stay away from me!” I bolted up, padding my shorts away as I walked to the front door with my feet thudding on the ground. Natasha chases after me and tries to pull me closer to her, but I slapped her the face of her cheek hard. We both gasped, knowing that I’d just laid my hands on her, and I knew that I’d regret it the day I woke up. She rubbed her reddening face but kept her eyes on the ground.

“Y-You touched me,” I whimpered, holding my bag close to my private area. She only gave me a sad look and scratched the back of her neck, almost feeling ashamed for what she had done. “I always had a crush on you but I never thought you’d be a pervert!”

“Y/n–”

The truth is, I liked the way she touched me down there. I most certainly loved the way she kissed my neck, how she was desperate for me and only me. It’s almost as if I was important – validated. But knowing that she was in her drunken state and the sense of infidelity, I couldn’t bear myself to ruin a relationship between us that seemed fragile at this point.

“Touch someone of your own age,” I didn’t realize how vocal I was when I suddenly become so… aroused from what happened recently on the couch. “B-But don’t ever do that on me.”

“Admit that you liked the way I touched you,” she smugged, chuckling from the side as she got closer, which I immediately backed up. “Come on, you know you liked it.”

“No, I didn’t.” I lied.

She grabbed my wrist, but I wrestled away as I pushed her chest. I gave her one last look before storming out of her house, not caring if my bag gets wet from the rain, not caring if I cry throughout my walk back to the house. I debated to myself whether I should still babysit for her daughter or not, but I realized that if I did leave, Aliana would be devastated. But if I stay; Natasha will keep touching me, and I would end up having sex with her.

I got back to my room safely and took a warm shower with the previous incident that had happened not even thirty minutes ago.

—

Once again, I found myself in Natasha’s home, much to my surprise. But this time, she was here with me and Aliana. I had hoped that at least she would be away again from work, but she was here the minute I rang the doorbell. The only difference is: she had a friend over, I think her name was Wanda… or something. I don’t know, why would I need to know? It’s not like I’m her girlfriend.

I knew she had guilt in her eyes the moment I walked in, I could barely even look up at her with my pearling eyes. The atmosphere has gotten thick as well as our relationship, I don’t know how I would respond to her if she ever talked to me again; somehow wishing that she would.

“Is mama mad at you?”

I was taken by surprise by Aliana’s question, which clenches my heart with the thought of us not having an interaction. Though, I shook my head in response, pretending that everything was okay between me and Natasha. Even just for the little girl in front of me.

“No,” I whispered, patting her head with my hand. “What makes you say that, honey?”

“Because I saw mama crying before you came by,” she said sadly. “She looked really sad, Y/n. I didn’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what to do either – I felt bad when I remember speaking to her like that. Calling her a pervert, and hitting her on the chest, is something that I regret deeply. I could’ve just spoken to her in a calm way, I could’ve just done that.

“Your mama and I are okay hon,” I smiled at her, gently pinching her cheek as I received a huge smile on her face. “Listen, why don’t you play with your dollies? I’ll go check it out on your mama.”

The little one went back to the living room as I cleaned the kitchen area, sighing to myself. If I speak to her now, I will get a paycheck and might never see her again. Because if I tell her that I wouldn’t want what she wanted, the only reason for us to depart is me going away first. But deep inside, I wanted what she wanted. I wanted her to touch me, to lick me, to kiss me as if I’d lost my breath.

It’s a treacherous feeling; something magical yet devious.

“Y/n?”

In front of me, Natasha held a glass of whiskey and a cigarette in between her fingers. I looked at her briefly, then kept my eyes on the stove instead. I could hear the other woman, Wanda, having a conversation with Aliana while Natasha was in the same area as me. I wish that she could just walk away and never talk about what happened that night. Because if we did – this time, I’d let her kiss me.

“Is there anything you need, Ms. Romanoff?”

“You know we have passed formalities, Y/n.”

I sighed, nodding at her answer. I turned my back on her when I felt her hand gripping my wrist – gently this time – and looked at me firmly with her watering eyes. I know she was about to cry, and I didn’t want to see any of it. After all, she did touch me that night without my permission; even though it was a great turn-on for me.

“I-I think you shouldn’t touch me,” I whispered, my lips trembling as I spoke. “We still haven’t talked about what happened that night.”

“I know,” she said, whispering to me in the same tone as mine. “Can we talk? Please? Maybe when Wanda leaves?”

“I have exams tomorrow,” A pause. “I-I think you should let go now, I have to go soon anyway.”

“But I want you to stay…”

“Please,” she asked, almost in a begging matter as she intertwined her hands with mine, holding it close to her stomach. “Stay with me, just for the night.”

No–stop. You can’t feel like this, she’s literally your mother at this point. Get over it.

“I…” I hesitated for a moment, trying to form the words in my hand as I think about other sentences that wouldn’t offend the woman before me. I realized how she was gently gripping me this time, and I could only whimper in the slightest way. “Okay, w-we can talk.”

As soon as Wanda left, it was alright nighttime. At around 9 pm, Aliana went to bed with Natasha’s Russian lullaby; which I find greatly amusing. I was waiting in the living room once again, holding a glass of water between my hands. I watch the clock tick, which represents my heartbeat. Tick tock, tick tock, I hear from afar – and I could admit that I was feeling nauseous each time it ticks.

What if we kiss again? What if I push her away? This doesn’t feel right, yet it’s something exciting like a burning passion of desire.

As soon as I felt tired, Natasha came by the scene. She sat down beside me with tired green eyes and pried her legs open as she sat down with a hunched back. She groans, rubbing her face softly with her hands, and murmurs: “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Oh.” I breathed out, not sure how to reply to that.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice shaking. “Fuck–I’m so sorry, Y/n. I knew I touched you too far, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m so fucking attracted to you and I only knew that since the day I met you.”

I was speechless. I didn’t know that she was attracted to me, or so I thought. I cracked my knuckles in the quiet air as silence was abrupt in the scene. I could almost hear the wind swooshing from outside; it was getting too quiet. Then, I felt the couch dip. I sensed that she was sitting closer to me, and I didn’t move. I just let it happen, almost as if I let her touch me that night.

She rests her hand on my thigh and squeezed my skin, making me let out a sharp breath. Her face was so close to mine that you think we might kiss, but I was damned to even think like that. She whispered with her breath trickling on the corner of my mouth, “Kotenok, look at me. Please, just look at me.”

“I can’t.”

I could feel her hand creeping closer to my core, and I made no effort to close my legs. Instead, I let her do it, I let her do whatever she wanted to do with me. She kisses the bare skin of my shoulder as she finally touches my covered core, her mouth letting out a victorious moan.

“Are you a virgin?”

I shake my head. I remember losing my virginity to a girl once, I wouldn’t say it felt amazing but I’d say it felt nice. I think.

“N-No, Ms–”

“It’s okay,” she whimpers, turning me around as she puts me into a hand-and-knee position on the couch. Except, when that happened, she pushed me down on the cushion until the side of my face collided with the soft leather that was on the couch. Natasha kisses my neck while her hands are on my waist, going up and down from time to time. “Please don’t be scared, ‘M not going to hurt you…”

“You’re touching me too far–”

“No it’s not too far,” she whines, shaking her head in exasperation. “Please just be good, I promise it won’t hurt. Has anyone fucked you in the ass?”

If my innocence was obvious, then she would know that. But it wasn’t obvious, so I shook my head in response. I could feel her smiling a bit, and I wish that I would’ve seen that instead of being pressed against this couch.

“Can I fuck you in the ass?”

“I–”

“Please?” she pleaded with whimpering, her hands squeezing the roundness of my ass. As much as I wanted to say no, I also had this firing feeling that I wanted it to happen. I can admit that I needed her to fuck me in the ass if it means to stay connected with her. If she didn’t kiss me that night, I don’t think I’d ever let her do this to me.

“Won’t Aliana hear us?” I asked, moaning quietly when she pulls up my skirt, gasping to herself when she sees me in my tiny panties that could barely cover my buttocks. “T-Tasha–”

“No,” she said as she kissed my nape once more. “She won’t, it’s just you and me, pretty baby. I’m going to take my strap out, okay?”

That’s why there was a bulge in her pants, I thought to myself. I can hear her pants zipping and a ruffling sound, knowing that she’s taking off her pants along with her underwear. As soon as I was about to close my eyes, I felt her strap grazing against my inner thighs, I let out a tiny whimper.

“I-Is it going to hurt?” I asked shyly, clenching both of my fists together as I feel my panties dragging down all the way to my ankles – until it was discarded.

“A little bit,” Natasha admitted, palming my left cheek. “Lift your butt, little girl. I’m going to spit on your hole.”

The knot in my stomach tightens, I could feel her breath trickling on the skin of my ass and I knew that this was bound to happen. I belonged to her, I just simply belonged to this woman who I merely don’t know of other than taking care of her child.

She spits on my hole and spreads the liquid around the tight ring of my ass, as she spits again and again – lubing it up. I was grateful enough that she was working me open, or I could have had serious injury if she just pushed inside of me. Nothing would be enjoyable if that would’ve happened.

“You’re my favorite babysitter,” she murmured to my neck as she wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me up slightly as she gave my collarbone open-mouth kisses. Wet kisses, to be exact. I let out a sharp moan and she chuckles from that. “You’re loving this, aren’t you? You like it when Mommy is about to fuck you in the ass?”

“Yes,” I said urgently, giving myself to her, as I should be doing in the first place. “Please, just do it…”

I want her, I want her cock, I want everything that she can give to me. I want it all.

She presses her lips against mine and kisses me like no other, holding my body close as she kisses me with full of her tongue. Natasha pulls away with our lips creating a soft wet smack and spits on her hand, lathering her faux cock with her thick saliva all around it. She looks back at me and starts humping me from the back, moaning each time her cock slips in between my buttocks. It was a pretty sight for her, especially when I’m fully submitted to her glory.

“No one else could touch you, okay? No one,” she said, almost in a demanding voice, but you could hear a tinge of sweetness in her tone. She kisses my nape again and leaves a nail trail mark on my ass. “Open up for me, it’s okay… I’m not going to hurt you.”

On the first push, I screamed from my throat. She quickly covered my mouth and shushes me by the ear, whispering: “You can’t be loud little one! You’re going to wake my daughter up.” and kept pushing her length inside of me, I couldn’t help but whimper and cry at the same time. It felt good, too good for my liking. I never thought I’d be such an… anal whore, as they say on the internet. It’s like she’s opening me like it was the last time; I was on top of the hill.

Natasha breathes heavily on my collarbone as her eyes stare at her cock pushing inside of my asshole, her other hand on my hips to hold me back up. “God,” she cries out, resting her forehead against the back of my head. “You’re so tight, I can feel you… I can feel your ass wrapping around my dick.”

“W-what?”

“That’s right sweetie,” she coos, pulling out a bit and pushing back in with the couch squeaking underneath me. “Oh yeah–that’s fucking it, you feel so good around me.”

She brings my face closer to hers as we kiss once again, our tongues battling for dominance. But I simply let her take the lead as I’m too dazed by the feeling of my asshole being fucked with her enormous dildo inside of me, almost as if she’s pounding into me this quick. Natasha pulls out again and snaps her hips back into me until my ass hits her pelvis.

“We’re connected,” she said, cracking a tearful smile. “You’re squeezing my cock too good, I can’t believe I’m fucking my daughter’s babysitter…”

Natasha begins peppering lingering kisses on my shoulder as she thrusts in an upward motion, both of our hips moving in sync. The couch squeaks more, as the slapping of our skin fills up the entire apartment, knowing for the fact that people might as well hear us. But she didn’t care, and neither did I. You could say that I was a cock whore, a cock slut. But I wouldn’t broadcast that aloud, because then – I’d lose my innocence.

“Feels good,” I breathed out, clutching the arm of the couch tightly as she grunts above me each time the tip of her cock hits my spot. “D-Don’t stop, please don’t stop…”

“I won’t,” she reassures, giving my ear a brief kiss before bringing both of her hands to grope my breasts, mounding and pressing them together while thrusting inside of my gaping hole as if it was my vagina. She removed her mouth from my skin, and muttered: “Is this what you wanted?”

I nodded. “Mhm…”

“You wanted this big fat cock didn’t you, pretty baby?”

“Yes–yes!”

“You make me so happy,” she moans in a high-pitched tone, closing her eyes tightly as she feels herself having an orgasm. “You wanted this… you’ve always wanted this.”

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted it or not. Either way, I never thought it would feel this good. Because, in my defense, I was only a babysitter for Natasha’s daughter. And now, I’m a total cock sucking whore for her that would do anything for her will. Whatever she wanted, I’ll let her do it, I was hers anyway.

“I’m close,” she murmurs into my neck, grunting quietly as she gets deeper. While trying to have my climax, I felt her thumb pressing against my clit – rubbing the bud furiously to have an orgasm with her. “Hump my cock, baby. Just push back.”

I did what she told me to do, I pushed back. And boy, she loved it. She was moaning about how delicious my asshole felt around her dildo, praising and kissing me with our bodies pressed together even though we couldn’t feel each other in the way we wanted to. She slowly humps my ass, dragging the length in and out while moaning with whimpers and cries.

“Gonna cum in your fucking ass,” she cries out, biting softly on my neck. “Want me to get you pregnant? Huh? Wanna give me a baby?”

“Mommy, no…” I pleaded, sobbing out loud in the area. What if she has the power to get me pregnant? What if, whatever is in that dildo, does it get me pregnant? I wasn’t ready, I don’t think I was. “W-Wait, no! Don’t cum inside of me, please don’t–”

“It’s only in the ass baby,” she whispers in my ear, slowly thrusting inside of me. Too slow. “Just let me get you pregnant, sweetie… shh, it’s okay! It’s okay…”

Her words were starting to slur, as her hand gripped my waist – surely enough that my skin would be imprinted by her nails. She drags her wet lips all the way to my nape and shoots her fake load inside of me with staggering moans, mixed with her whimpers. She humps my ass twice and holds me down on the couch. “Take it, baby! Take all of my fucking cum in your ass…”

While having an orgasm in my absent cunt, she was still fucking me from behind with her loud lewd moans and deep cries that would ring in my ear forever. She kisses my lips sloppily and whispers with a hazed look, “You’re amazing, you’re just fucking amazing…”

After we were done, she pulled out of me and placed the strap-on on the coffee table, not caring if it would stain my ass cum. She gets behind me and hugs me close, our bare legs intertwined as well as her pelvis pressed against my ass. She rakes her fingers through my hair, and smells it deeply; satisfied with herself.

“Did I hurt you?” she asked, and she received a shake of my head. She smiled. “Good, I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

After a long while of silence, I asked in the cold middle of the air: “Are you going to dump me now?”

Natasha lifts her head a little and scrunches her eyebrows in confusion.

“W-What?”

“You’ve used my body,” I replied, cracking a sob between my lips. “The first time I had, s-she left me! She went away and now you’ve taken me you’re going to go–”

“No, no, no…” she shushes, cupping my face as she kisses me deeply with her tongue slipping into my mouth. Natasha pulled away and pecked my wet lower lip, and continued. “I won’t ever leave you, okay? I want you to stay with me.”

Maybe staying with her wasn’t such a bad idea, after all, maybe everything would feel better with her if I did stay. I can hear her in the back of my mind, saying: please, stay. Just stay and I remember being so stubborn about it too. But now as I look at her, I can feel the sincerity in her eyes.

I wanted to stay.

“I’ll stay,” I whispered as I felt her head cradling my head. “I’ll stay.”

“Okay, my little girl. You’ll stay, you’ll always stay.”

i want pervy!natasha to touch me in the-