#i hope jesper n wylan break up

[ugisfeelings]

i love being a fake fan i still haven’t watched s&b but i have seen literally every single cast interview and i think everybody should clap for a little crows spinoff so frederick james carter can stay employed or else ill burn down the basement that they run n*tflix in 🤗

[pogueswrld]

*•.¸♡ crush♡¸.•*

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

summary: kaz is handsome. like, very handsome, and reader never realized its effect on her until nina pointed it out and jesper can't keep it a secret.

warnings: reader has a crush on kaz, kaz is in love with reader, they both don't acknowledge it until nina does for reader. it's all very awkward and it's not a happy ending, sorry, but hope y'all like it!!! Also this is more show-based, so sorry about that lovelies.

note: I saw this in a tiktok and had to write it down, excuse me.

Ketterdam was hot. The randomized rise in temperature was so common that the people of the city opted to not wear heavy clothing all year round, except for maybe the Bastard of the Barrel, for he loved dramatics.

Kaz Brekker was known for his dark heavy trench coat, dark vest, dark dress pants, and dark gloves. If there were any colors in his wore drop, it would only be silver and nothing else.

But that's okay because y/n liked him like this.

It was a busy day in the Crow Club. Customers were running in and out of the gambling shop all night, girls were running around serving tables and pouring drinks, and boys rounded up the dice tables and dragged the games for hours on end.

Jesper stood at the door, his beloved boyfriend keeping him company. He was supposed to keep watch, but he was talking to Wylan so that's a job undone. Inej wasn't anywhere in sight, and y/n knew that only meant that she was gathering information for their next heist. Nina was behind the bar, sugarcoating men into emptying their wallets at the deep cut of her dress and her charming grin.

Kaz had just made his first appearance for the night. His coat long gone, probably hung on the back of his office door. His black and silver vest tightly wrapped around his chest, one gloved hand holding onto his crow-headed cane while the other combs through his wet strands of matching black hair. He had just finished going through the paperwork of that day and decided to take a break to check on the pigeons on his tables, and his favorite Crow by the bar.

y/n sat and stared at him from the bar stool. She had the day off after getting injured during their last heist, but couldn't find anything useful to do at the Slat so she decided to head to the Crow Club and keep Nina company. She and Inej were the only good things that came with this place. And maybe the guy who runs the place. And maybe Jesper and his boyfriend.

He felt her eyes on him from the moment he stepped out of the shadows of the stairs leading to his office. He still couldn't understand how she could locate him so easily in a crowd, it was like the moment he steps into the same room as her, something shifts in the air and tells her that he was near, and she merely scans the place before landing on his dark figure. He'd be surprised at how easy it is to locate him.

She thought she should feel ashamed at how easily she gravitated toward him. How easy it was to find him and keep her eyes locked on him until he decided to disappear again. But as she downed another glass of gin or whiskey, she found that she truly couldn't care less.

A chuckle from across from her made her shift her gaze from Kaz to Nina, and she raised a questioning brow. "What?"

"You could at least try to be subtle."

Confused, y/n's brows furrowed as she crossed her arms together. "What do you mean?"

Nina rolled her blue orbs, then with the towel in hand pointed at their boss. "I mean Kaz. You could try to be subtle about ogling him like that."

Her jaw dropped, lips parted and her hand placed the glass on the table. "I don't ogle, wh- what? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that your heart ran a hundred miles in a second, about the way your eyes lit up the moment you saw him, and how you bit your lip when he does that thing with his ridiculous hair." Nina shook her head, and y/n is left in shambles at this revelation.

Dumbfounded, she glanced back at Kaz Brekker in all of his glory. The white button-up with the sleeves rolled up only slightly, his gloves tightened around his wrists, and his black vest with silver etchings. He looked somewhat devilish in the golden light of the club but in a very good and delicious way.

"You're doing it again~," Nina said again, in a sing-song voice, and y/n's face turns completely red as she jerks away from him, as he's finally caught her staring, and glared harshly at the glass in her hands.

"Y/n!" Jesper's voice clashed into her mind as his hands grabbed onto the back of her shoulders, he plopped himself beside her while Wylan took the seat next to him. Jesper grinned at the girls and one of his legs came to rest on top of the other. "So, what are we talking about?"

Nina shrugged, and before y/n could attempt to send her a begging glance she parted her lips. "y/n's massively stupid crush on Kaz."

And y/n's face burns a deeper red.

"y/n has a crush on Kaz?" Inej jumped out of nowhere on the other side of y/n, making everyone at the table jump. "Saints! I hate it when you do that," Jesper whined as both he and Inej received shot glasses from Nina.

"I do not have a crush on Kaz!" y/n tried to claim, but Nina wriggled her brows at her. "Sure you do, and you have a crush on his hair most of all. She was frothing at the mouth when he ran a hand through it earlier."

"I was not!" y/n gasped as her friends laughed, Jesper cackled as both Inej and Wylan chuckled. Inej rested a hand on her friend's shoulder, "It's alright to like him, you know? He is the boss of the barrel."

"Shut up," y/n whined, trying very hard to bury her face in her cup. "I do not like him because he's the boss of the barrel. I do not like him at all."

"You don't like who?"

His voice reached them like the scratching of two stones against each other. It dawned on her like cold water on a hot day and it sent shivers down her spine. y/n's back shot up straight as she quickly downed the newest glass of booze down her throat in one gulp, and Nina grimaced because it was one of the stronger alcohols she was serving that night.

"Nothing. No one. Nada." y/n quickly muttered, whipping around to come face-to-face with the man of the hour. Somehow, he was a lot more handsome closer up. His defined cheekbones looked like the edges of a playing card, sharp enough to cut. His bitter coffee-brown eyes stared at her with wonder and curiosity, perfectly arched brows raised in question because he knows better than to believe her bullshit. And of course, she was bullshitting. His lips were set in a terminal scowl, but it seemed softer as he stared at her

For some reason, every sharp edge of him softened around her.

"Really?" He asked, still expecting an honest answer, but Jesper was trying so hard to not choke on his liquor, Inej's brows were nearly at her hairline, and Nina quickly excused herself with the excuse to serve more customers.

y/n was fucked.

He turned his head to his sharpshooter, and y/n sent him a quick glare. Jesper coughed a choke as he stared between Kaz and y/n, then sniffed. "Excuse me, I've got to go watch the door. Come on, Wylan." He tried to jump off his stool, but Kaz's cane shot up and forced him to a stop.

Kaz's brow was still up, and he tilted his head as he stared daggers into Jesper, because he knew he would crack, and y/n was going to be fucked.

Jesper stuttered, "I- Well- It's not really my place to say, now, is it?" For a split second, y/n thought he might let him go and question her instead, then she could make up whatever lie she's got and this can all be over, but Kas only smirked. "When was it ever your place to say anything about anything, Jesper? Fuss up."

The Zemini boy sighed, and he sent an apologetic glance to y/n, who was shaking her head at him aggressively. "You." He winced, "She said she didn't like you."

y/n knew that Kaz was good at masking his feelings. He could feel a hundred emotions at the same time and show absolutely nothing for it, but as her eyes locked on him, she could see that Jesper's words faltered him very slightly, then he was back to Dirtyhands.

He lowered his cane, and Jesper mouthed a 'sorry' to y/n, but only pressed her lips at him as he and Wylan left the scene.

"He doesn't mean that in an 'oh he's my boss and I don't like him so I'm going to go work for the Dime Lions' Way, believe me, he doesn't mean that." y/n tried to explain, then turned to face a grimacing Inej when she realized that she just dug herself a bigger hole.

Kaz rest both of his hands on the head of his cane, his posture completely relaxed, but he was screaming within his mind. "What does he mean then?" His voice came out harsher than he intended, but he wanted to know everything related to his y/n, and if she had her eyes set on someone, he'd like to know. To take out the competition of course.

y/n cringed at herself, "He meant it in a... romantic way? Like, 'I don't- have feelings... for you' way..." She tried, hanging on to every word like a lifeline, hoping beyond hope that he would see the underlying message, and for a moment she could swear there was a change in his expression, but then he was normal again and he hummed. "Good." He said, "That wouldn't be very professional of you, would it?"

Kaz wanted to burn down the world. And Jesper. And himself. Why did he insist on knowing? This was worse than knowing. Now he knew she doesn't have feelings for him, but she does? He wasn't a fool, but he was never really good at reading y/n.

She frowned, her shoulder slumped and a look of near relief washed over her. "Right. No, of course not."

y/n felt her heart sink, and she felt Inej's hand supporting her back, her thumb drawing comforting circles against the fabric of her clothes. She was disappointed that he missed her implied message, but also grateful because if he ever found out her feelings for him, this was not how she'd want him to know.

He sent her a single stiff nod, then his eyes shifted to Inej behind her. "What'd you find?"

And just like that, he was off with her. Inej murmurs the city's secrets to him and just eats it up. y/n turned back on her stool, coming face-to-face with Nina again, and held out her glass for another refill. Never aware of the way Kaz's gaze manages to find itself landing back on her all through the night.

[stray-kaz]

Memento Mori : a Kaz Brekker x f!reader oneshot

A/N: A request! Thank you for this idea!

Summary: Reader is poisoned by a rival gang leader hoping to force Kaz to his knees by taking you down. Kaz is afraid and murderous, a fatal combination.

Reader’s nickname, because of her profession, is Bee. (And it’s just easier sometimes to allow use of some kind of name instead of being constantly vague).

Memento mori: remember you must die.

Warnings: Violence, blood, near death. Poisoning. Kaz near breaking point.

Inej flew up the stairs in the Slat to Kaz’s quiet office, Jesper tearing after her, coattails flying out behind him. Matthias waited at the bottom of the flight, your limp, still form in his arms. Nina stood next to him, sweat beading on her forehead as she pressed both hands hard down against your heart.

“I am not a healer, I am not a healer, I am not a healer” she kept muttering.

“You’re all she has” Matthias reminded her gently. “Just keep going.”

Kaz looked up from the ledger he was filling in, irritation written all over his features, when Inej and Jesper burst in, panting. They had run all the way from the bottom of the Barrel.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“It’s Bee” Jesper managed to gasp out. “Talyss stung back.”

Kaz stood with such force his chair skidded away and toppled over. He grabbed his cane from its position leaning against his desk and pushed between Jesper and Inej, making his way down the stairs faster than they’d seen before.

He didn’t make a misstep and he didn’t stumble or fall, but when he saw you, Kaz wondered briefly if this was what death felt like. His hands shivered inside his gloves as he raised a hand to remove an errant curl from your forehead. Nina stared; it was the tenderest thing she had ever seen him do. He loved you.

“My room” Kaz rasped, and stepped aside so that Matthias could carry you upstairs, Nina edging along the banister so she could keep your heart going.

Inej was just finishing preparing Kaz’s bed when you were laid down gently on top of it. She covered up to your waist with a heavy blanket and Nina sank down beside you, her skirts rustling around her.

Kaz hovered like a ghost in the doorway of his own bedroom, watching your face, wan and lax. Your eyes rolled beneath their lids, and just as he was about to bite his tongue, come closer and hold your hand, Wylan skidded into the room and did just that. His knees slammed onto the wooden floorboards and, bright eyes wild, fluffy hair in disarray. He squeezed your hand and you whimpered, still unconscious.

Kaz took a threatening step into the room, but Jesper moved to block him, shaking his head firmly. Kaz glared at him, but for once, Jesper didn’t flinch.

“He’s her friend” he said quietly.

It was true, and Kaz knew it. Wylan was his chemist, bombmaker, demo man. And you were his poison maker, his sting, and the love of his abominable life. You worked with Wylan most days and were more now like brother and sister. He loved you, too.

Wylan looked up at Jesper then, an idea sparking in his eyes. 

“You can take the poison” he said, looking suddenly a little feverish himself.

Jesper glanced uneasily around the room as he suddenly felt all eyes on him. He rocked back on his heels, met Kaz’s implacable gaze.

“I’ve never done it” he beseeched, spreading his hands out wide. “This is what killed my mother, Kaz.”

He felt a tug on his hand and glanced down at Wylan.

“You wouldn’t need to take all of it, Jesper. She practices with poisons every day, taking small amounts to build up immunity, always with an antidote to hand. Tonight, you are the antidote. She just needs enough gone for her system to start fighting on its own” he told him.

Jesper looked at Kaz again; he said nothing. Jesper sighed quietly and gently nudged Inej out of the way so he could sit opposite Nina and clasp your other hand. He closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling his way along the channels of your veins, almost able to taste the metals in your blood.  Fine dark veins rose on the back of your hand and your eyes flew open to stare at Jesper. You tried to pull your hand away, but he held fast, swallowing hard against the pain.

Kaz’s jaw clenched so tight he thought he felt a tooth crack when your first cry rent the air. Tears spilled over your lashes and onto your cheeks, and you tried again and again to pull away from Jesper, but he was stronger than you and could sense the end of it.

Wylan held tightly to your other hand and Matthias stood sentinel behind him, a stony set to his jaw, though his eyes were worried. Kaz had never seen you cry tears of pain. He had never heard the animal sounds wailing out of you, howling at the walls and the window. He had never seen you break.

He tightened his grip on his cane. He was going to find Talyss and his band of thugs, beat him nearly to his grave and then pour his poison down his throat to send him the rest of the way.

As he turned to leave, he felt a hand lightly brush his sleeve and looked to see Nina. He raised his eyebrows impatiently, waiting.

“Bee is strong enough” Nina said steadily. “There is hope for her, Kaz.”

He merely shook off her hand and spoke over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Hope is dangerous, Nina.”

As Dirtyhands made his way to the bottom of the Barrel, gutter dwellers avoided eye contact and leapt out of his way, edging back into the shadows. He heard the whispers as he passed, cold fury and determination disguising his limp. There were those nearby him who knew why he was there and those who had no idea and were terrified to see him. Either way, both types of people hid their faces and did their best to remain undetected.

The door to Talyss Novak’s converted warehouse was locked, which didn’t surprise or deter Kaz. Normally, he’d go quiet and careful, but tonight he didn’t care for quiet or careful. He didn’t reach for his lockpicks, he simply hefted his cane in both hands and swung it at the door handle. It crunched under the weight of the crow’s head and the inner lock clattered onto the floor on the other side.

Kaz pushed the door out of his way with the toes of one shoe and stepped across the dark threshold, cane still gripped tightly in one fist. His other hand had slipped into his pocket, gloved fingers tightening slightly around the vial of poison he had picked up from the workshop you shared with Wylan along the way. He had no idea if it was the same poison or what it did, but judging by the thick red “!!!” on the white label, it would hurt.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he twisted out from under it, wrenching slightly but not caring. He swung the cane like a truncheon and felt something give wetly under his strength. There was a strangled scream and then they all came out of nowhere, trying their best to take down the bastard of the Barrel. But Kaz would not be taken anywhere tonight. He could smell blood, and he wanted it all, the sounds of your pain still ringing in his ears.

When there were bodies heaped around his feet, some still and noiseless, some groaning pitifully, he reached down and grabbed the coat collar of the most alive one. He moved in nice and close, face blood stained and dripping.

“Your boss” he hissed, teeth bared. “Now.”

A weak hand pointed towards a twisting stair shaped shadow and Kaz dropped him back to the hard concrete floor and stepped away, the men already forgotten.

The staircase was quiet and he could hear the soft sound of blood on his glove slipping on his heavy cane. He reached the top and moved silently along the landing, again reaching for the poison in his trouser pocket. A door at the furthest end of the hallway stood ajar. His instincts screamed that the worst of Novak’s men would be behind that door, but he could not bring himself to care. They would all die.

As he approached the dark side of the door, he heard his name spoken.

“Brekker.”

The door swung open and a single lone man appeared, backlit by the interior. With a flick of his thumb, Kaz released the tiny vial stopper and circled finger and thumb around the glass neck.

“How’s your girlfriend? Still breathing? Or dead as a dormouse?”

Kaz walked forward slowly, clenching his teeth against the pain of hiding his limp. Peripheral room checks told him he was alone with Talyss. The man was a maniac, or stupid. Kaz was betting on the latter.

“Did you really think you could take me down by removing my sting? Novak, I don’t need anyone. You made a mistake thinking that I do.”

“Then why’re you here, Dirtyhands?”

“To make you pay for that mistake.”

Kaz decided to temporarily forgo use of his cane; instead he struck with his other hand, shoving the vial with its contents into Novak’s mouth, swallowing hard against the bitter bile that rose in his throat as his gloved hand forced the man’s jaw up and shut and he heard the splintering of glass plink against his teeth. 

Novak screamed through closed lids, Kaz’s hand tightening even harder. Thirty seconds dripped past and Novak finally wrenched himself away, opening his mouth to spit glass and a damp pinkish mist. He coughed, choking, and Kaz realised enough glass had been inhaled to perforate his lungs. Talyss Novak was drowning in his own blood, before the poison even did its work.

Kaz helped him along a little; he lifted his cane and lightly prodded the older man in the centre of his chest with the solid flat end. It didn’t take much prodding before he was flat on his back on the cold rough concrete, rasping blood soaked air in through piecemeal lungs.

Kaz stepped closer and leaned over him, watching until his eyes started to stare and his chest stopped spasming. Then he turned and walked out the way he came, blood and fear pounding in his ears.

When Kaz finally staggered back in through the doorway of his bedroom in the Slat, he saw you sitting up in his bed, leaning heavily against Jesper’s chest but rosy cheeked, damp hair sticking to your forehead. Your eyes were opioid bright, glossy and damp looking, but they focused on him with the ferocity he was used to, and something loosened inside his chest. He opened his mouth, and what came out surprised all of them, but most of all him.

“Please.”

Nina held you up while Jesper eased out from behind you, then plumped several pillows up behind your back and shoulders. Inej briefly touched your shoulder and Wylan blew you a kiss. Nina leaned hard on Matthias as they walked out of the room, followed by the other three.

Alone finally, Kaz shed his cane and coat and almost collapsed onto the bed next to you. He retained his gloves, which you understood; in your current state, sweating and clammy, the touch of your skin on his would remind him too much of Jordie. But he wrapped his arms around you, drawing you down onto his chest, and held on as tightly as he thought you could cope with. 

You sighed.

“Is the problem dealt with?” you asked quietly, your voice sounding uncomfortable and hoarse.

Kaz scoffed a chuckle and nodded.

“Yes. The problem is dealt with. No more stinging the stinger.”

“Good. ‘Cause it pretty much sucks.”

Kaz tipped your chin up slightly so he could see your eyes, his expression serious.

“You will improve your immunity” he said, a statement and not a question. “I do not want to do that again.”

What he meant was: I will not survive your near death again. If you die, I will also.

You gazed back at him and nodded.

“I will” you promised. “Never again, Kaz.”

He nodded back, leaned his head on the wall of pillows and closed his eyes, settled for now with the knowledge of you safe in his arms.

Tagging: @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r​ 

[lady-ashfade]

Hello Darling, I was wondering if I could get Kaz thing were him and reader have know each other for ages and like with Jordie and she is the old person Kaz is kinds ok with touching, so one day when a heist goes wrong and Y/N gets hurt and Kaz is like freaking out thinking she's going to die and stuff and its like super fluffy and and like Y/N heals and Kazoo like doesn't leave her side

If you could do this it would be amazing

I’m right here.

Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader

Hope I did this okay! Thanks for the request 🌸

Notes: This is short and fluffy. I also can’t do good aid or this type of thing so I hope it’s okay!

Warning: Pain to comfort, a little angst, blood, crying in pain, bad writing for sure, spelling mistakes probably.

The group rushed through the door almost breaking it off the hinges. “Get her upstairs.” Kaz shouted as Matthias held you in his arms, Nina by his side focusing on your heartbeat. Inej went to the kitchen where you kept your towels and collected everything.

You blood stained Matthias shirt and your eyes flutter, a groan or a whimper leaving your lips a few times. As soon as they got to the top floor of your home they rushed to the bedroom. “On the bed.” Nina fixed the pillows and the sheets, then patted the mattress. Matthias nodded his head and put you down carefully and tried not to give your extra pain.

Wylan almost sobbed at the sight of your arm falling and going limp. You knew who he was, who was his father and you never shamed him for it. He loved you and cared deeply, you were his best friend. Wylan turned away and into Jesper arms, who took him into his arms quickly. “Is she going to be okay?” He asked and kaz shot him a glare that he couldn’t see.

“Yes, now everyone out except Inej.” Nina’s hand tugged at your bloody shirt and they all went out quickly. Kaz stood still and looked at you, “Kaz, she’ll be fine.” Inej rushed passed passed him with her arms full and went by Nini. “I’m staying.” They didn’t have time to fight with him, but they knew even if they did he would stay.

They had no choice but pull your shirt off and leaving you in the thin layer on your chest. Kaz hated seeing your face curl into pain as they cleaned the wound. “Jordie” he remembered the small boy with a body underneath him, shaking it as he cried for his brother. He got light headed and sat down in the chair. Was he going to lose you too? Shaking his head at the thought because he wouldn’t allow that.

A scream cut him out of his thoughts, you opening your eyes as the needle pressed into your skin. “Stop! Please.” You cried at the pain in your side. Nina apologized as she teared up and Inej looked up at you guilty. “Kaz!” You looked up at him and he felt his entire body move on its own and he was by your side within seconds. “Make it stop!” You cried.

He took your hand in his and gave it a small squeeze, “You can handle it.” He stated and you shook your head. A whimper came out as the needle went back, “Can’t.” He leaned closer and rubbed circles on your hand. “You can, I’m right here.” You looked back at him and the pain became too much for you to handle, along with the blood that you lost, or the shock you felt.

Kaz watched your eyes fell closed and your hand losing its grip. He panicked and looked back at your chest and saw it go up and down. “I’m right here.” He whispered. Kaz held your hand the whole time and stayed by your side, even when it was all done. He refused to leave your side, if something happened while he was away he couldn’t live with himself.

Everyone came and stayed for a while, he was there. When everyone left to sleep he stayed there, Nina and Matthias stayed in the other room. Days passed and he was still in the room by your side. He hated the feelings of lose as if the old friend visited him again to take someone else. You couldn’t leave him, he needed you in his life. The light of his life and the feeling of comfort he so rarely felt was only with you.

Kaz sat in the chair beside your bed and his head leaned on the wall behind him with his eyes closed. You stirred yourself awake and took a moment to remember everything. You look around the familiar room and then down at the pain in your side. A bandage wrapped around your side and only in a bra. “Damn.” You cursed and put your head back.

A small snore caught you by surprise and you looked to the side and saw Kaz asleep. He looked calmer then normal but he still had a snarl on his face, it made you laugh a bit. As much as you could without hurting your side. “Kazzel.” You poked his leg. It took a moment and then shot up and it startled you a bit. He looked panicked and then looked down at you, he looked terrified.

“I’m okay.” You whispered with smiled. Kaz blinked as he saw you up and talking. “Y/n.” He pushed up and moved closer to and leaned down the bed. “Kaz, how long have you been here?” He swallowed. “As long as you have been out, you scared the others.” His hand came up to your cheek and softly moved his fingers on the skin.

“I’m not going that easy.” Smirked up at him. He looked at you and his eyes softened. Leaning himself down he pressed his lips against yours and kissed you softly. He was so afraid he would never get to do that again, or to have you in his arms or seen you smile. You took your hand and put it on his chest to remind him that you were still here.

“Good, because I don’t plan on losing you. You’ll stay with me, even if I have to bring you back to life myself.” He whispered against your lips and put his forehead on yours. And he was true, if he had to drag you out of deaths claws he would do it. He’d fight the saints himself to have you stay with him.

“You’re stuck with me, Kaz Brekker.” You teased and connected your lips with his again.

[sophierequests]

my darling sophieee! i have a request! what about kaz x heartrender!reader where kaz has fallen head over heels for her and she knows this cause of the way his breath hitches or his heart speeds up.. and she waits patiently for him to finally confess

someone could lose a heart tonight

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: I'm so sorry, this is a bit more Hurt/Comfort than I had intended to dlksaghakg. But I actually really like how this turned out?? Thank you sm for this request, Kaz x Heartrender/Healer!Reader is one of my (many) weak spots <333 I hope you like this!

Summary: Kaz develops a crush on a Heartender!Reader, and thinks he's being good at hiding his feelings. Turns out, he really isn't.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff (just in a very Kaz way)

Word Count: 4.5K

Warnings: Mention of violence, almost dying, falling, one sexual innuendo, me using the word fuck once and emotionally constipated idiots

The casual silence of his office had been welcome at first, maybe even comforting. However, the longer it unfolded, only disturbed by the sharp scratching of pen on paper, you couldn't help but notice the tense atmosphere settling between you. You watched the way his jaw clenched and unclenched whenever you audibly shifted in the seat across from him, or how the grip on his pen seemed to tighten after his eyes quickly drifted away after you caught him staring.

This behaviour made you curious. His motions were uneasy - nervous. And Kaz Brekker was never nervous. And if he ever was, he wouldn't be inclined to display it this openly.

In all honesty, it started worrying you. You hated to admit it, but you cared about him a bit more than you probably should, and seeing him act this out of character was quite troubling. So, even though you had promised yourself to never do it without anyone's explicit consent, you decided to listen to his heart.

You heard a heartbeat - quick and erratic as if the person to whom it belongs had just been caught up in a vicious chase.

"Brekker?" Eyes the same shade as the tea in front of him met yours and you listened intently. The heartbeat stumbled breaking its previous pattern for a brief moment before returning to a more stable rhythm. "Are you alright?"

A faint flicker of surprise flashed over his features as he raised his eyebrows, watching you with a glint of suspicion. His hand had lowered the pen, not holding onto it as firmly as it did a few minutes earlier. Now, the only indication of his prior irritation was the treacherous beating of his heart.

"Yes." He replied firmly, straightening out his back in an attempt to regain his composure. "Or are you aware of something I am not?"

"You just appear a bit uncomfortable, that's all." A pause. He didn't answer, his expecting expression wordlessly beckoning you to elaborate further on why you felt the need to bring it up. "If my presence makes you uncomfortable, I can-"

"It's fine." You could hear his heartbeat quicken again as he spoke. Was he hiding something from you? Why did such a simple interaction cause his body to react so uncontrollably? "I'm just…tired. Your company isn't a bother." You had to stifle the quizzical look that had managed to unravel on your face. This almost sounded like a compliment, coming from Kaz that is. "I suppose I have grown to appreciate it." The realisation hit you like a brick. It felt almost futile to check on his heart again. It didn’t tell you anything you weren’t already aware of. His heart seemed to have transformed into a mallet by now, swinging against his ribcage with ferocious force.

Your brain told you to be rational. That didn’t have to mean anything. Maybe he was genuinely just overworked? But you recognised this pattern. You saw it whenever Matthias looked at Nina - uneven breaths and nervous smiles. You saw it whenever Wylan looked at Jesper - a fast and frustratingly loud thudding against his delicate ribcage. And now you saw it whenever Kaz looked at you.

Kaz Brekker had feelings for you. There was no point in trying to deny it.

“Then I’ll stay.” You answered, not intending to pry any further than you already had. For now, you knew enough. And even though the thought of him returning your feelings made you giddy as much as it made you anxious, you chose to not act on your newly gained understanding. He needed to figure things out on his own first.

Keeping this secret was terribly exhausting, but somehow, you never let anything slip when you were around Kaz. You didn’t even want to imagine what his reaction would be like if he knew that you were aware of him liking you.

What you weren’t necessarily all that proud of was the habit of using your Small Science on him. You would never manipulate his heartbeat, but simply listening to the way it could change in a matter of seconds just by noticing your presence - or assumed lack thereof - assured you that you weren’t hopelessly waiting for a miracle to happen.

The day at the Crow Club had been slow, the majority of patrons being outside, trying to savour the last few sunny days Ketterdam had to offer before allowing the frigid hands of autumn to overtake it. The few customers that did come in to gamble away their money were busying themselves with the available games or the steady-flowing drinks.

“Y/N!” A loud and whiny groan forced you to look away from the card table you had been observing for the last twenty minutes, having suspected that at least one of them was cheating. Jesper trudged over to your spot at the bar, giving you a cranky frown as he threw himself on the stool to your right. You had to conceal a chuckle when you took in this utterly exaggerated gesture.

“Jes.” You mimicked his frown, giving him a gentle smile laced with a hint of fake sympathy. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be guarding the door?”

“Guarding it from what? There is literally nothing going on outside and I am sure I’ll die of boredom if I stay there any longer! I mean, look around!” He gestured around the room wildly, causing a few people to give him disturbed glances. “Everyone’s out and about. No one cares about being in here.”

“You should probably still go back outside. If Kaz catches you-” He cut you off, putting his pointer finger in front of your lips and shushing you like one would a toddler during a tantrum.

“Don’t say his name. That works like a curse. You say his name three times and suddenly the devil’s incarnate materializes behind you.” He grumbled, recalling the handful of times he hadn’t been alert enough to see Kaz watching him while he was doing basically anything but his job. Let’s just say that these encounters rarely ever went smoothly - at least for Jesper. “But you probably wouldn't be opposed to that, so I shouldn’t put any ideas into your head. The fact that you genuinely have a crush on that man still scares me.”

“Jesper!” You exclaimed, feeling your cheeks turn bright pink. The fact that you had feelings for Kaz wasn’t really what you would call confidential, to anyone other than Kaz that is, but it made you feel quite uneasy whenever one of the other Crows - namely Jesper or Nina - would bend over backwards to bring it up. “First of all, I wouldn’t like it if Kaz would just ‘materialize behind me’. Inej doing this scares the shit out of me often enough. And second of all,” The volume of your voice dropped down to a low whisper, hindering the other guests from listening in on your conversation. “My crush on Kaz is not half as bad as your crush on Wylan.”

“Well, at least I’m not spending every day miserably pining over Wylan.”

“Anymore.” You corrected, leading him to gape at you like a fish on land, an offended pout on his lips.

“Low blow…” He halted, giggling at the implications of this unintended innuendo.

“The only low blow you’re going to receive is the blow from Kaz’s cane displacing your kneecaps after he finds out that you’re not doing your job. It’s time to go back, Jes.”

“But it’s so boring.” The sharpshooter griped, leaning closer to you to rest his forehead on your shoulder, emphasising his agony.

This obviously didn’t work. Whether that was because of your unwavering perseverance or rather because of the sharp snapping of a cane on the hard wooden floor.

“Jesper.” Kaz’s voice bellowed only a few metres away from you. His gaze was fixed on Jesper who was hurriedly pushing himself away from you and almost knocking himself off the stool, not really too keen on playing with his life today. Unconsciously, your focus moved from Kaz’s murderous expression to the accelerated beating of his heart. Normally, you would have just assumed that it was frustration that riled him up this much. However, you knew better. He was jealous. “Quit flirting with your colleagues and start doing what you’re getting paid for.” Definitely.

“I was not-” A sharp glance from his boss managed to shut him up before he slipped off his seat with an embarrassed smile. “Say his name three times…” He muttered, just loud enough for you to hear.

“I said it four times, Fahey. Get fucked.” You whispered back with a smug grin which he didn’t feel like returning.

In the blink of an eye, he disappeared, leaving you alone with your drink and a strongly disgruntled Kaz Brekker. You had half-heartedly expected him to go back to his office and whatever heist plan he was working on. Instead, he moved to stand closer to you, tilting his head in the other direction as if he was trying to make sure that Jesper was actually gone.

“He wasn’t flirting with me. Just so you know.” He turned to look at you, the thudding in his chest becoming painfully loud as a mixture of emotions you couldn't quite pinpoint flashed over his face.

“I don’t care what he was doing. I care that he’s not doing his job properly.” A lie. You didn’t even have to use your Grisha abilities to recognize that. His sudden change in demeanour was proof enough.

“Care for me to join you while you work on the new heist plan?” You asked sheepishly, already knowing what he would answer.

“If you insist.” He replied, his heart almost skipping a beat when you gave him a warm smile in return and began following him up to his office.

“This is a terrible idea.” You hissed, futilely attempting to keep your balance whilst climbing over the wet glass rooftop with Kaz more or less steadily following you.

Underneath you laid the top floor of the university archive that was supposed to contain information to make each one of you roughly five million kruge richer. It should have been an easy in-and-out situation since the security on campus was close to non-existent. But, of course, things didn’t go as planned. Apparently, you hadn’t been as attentive as you thought, causing the Stadwatch to spot you before you managed to get into the main tract of the opulent building.

Quickly Kaz had ordered you to separate into three groups, Nina and Matthias rushing out through the grand west entrance, Inej, Wylan and Jesper exiting through one of the windows, and you and Kaz sneaking out through one of the back doors. That was what he had planned at least. The two of you sped towards the exit, doing your best to not let the men following you have any chance of reaching you. When you reached the heavy metallic door, you were faced with another huge problem. It was locked. A lock that would’ve taken Kaz at least five minutes to pick. You didn’t have five minutes. And since the Stadwatch catching you was still in the realm of possibilities, you had to react fast.

Without discussing it first, you took off to run towards the rooftop. The latch leading outside could be locked, meaning it was the best chance to get out of this mess unscathed. However, the terrace merely consisted of a small platform, barely giving you any exit points to get off the roof without breaking your neck. The majority of the rooftop was made out of glass, providing a great source of natural for the archival staff light during the day, but being your absolute worst-case scenario during the night. You didn't have any other choice but to climb across it to get to the lower levels.

It had already been enough of a struggle for Kaz to get on top of the glass, but on top of that, it had rained the day prior, not allowing him nearly as much friction as he had hoped for - or needed. The slight slope of the roof forced both of you to inch forward excruciatingly slow if you hadn’t planned on sliding off of it. His leg was aching because of the amount of pressure he put on it, making it difficult for him to keep up with your more agile movements. It was a gamble, but you had to take it.

The sound of gunshots echoing beneath you almost made you lose balance. Your attention immediately snapped to the hall situated under the glass. Inej, Jesper and Wylan were wrangling with three men, all of them armed. Shots were fired and punches were thrown, and neither you nor Kaz could do anything to help them. Jesper tried everything in his power to fend them off with his own revolvers, but the fight just seemed to get more and more unhinged by the second.

Another blast of shots rang in your ears, followed by the sharp sound of breaking glass. Glass, which was only a few metres away from where you were currently fearing for your life They were aiming for the roof. Your eyes met Kaz’s in an instant, a foreign sense of terror written all over his face. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Kaz Brekker had no other plan.

“Get back.” He stated firmly, looking back at the ledge from which you had started. You knew that you couldn’t go on any further, the tautness of the windows wouldn’t hold your weight after being damaged. However, no amount of reason fought off the freezing fear that rooted you in place.

“I can’t.” You choked out, feeling paralysed by what might expect you if you moved.

“You have to.” It wasn’t a command or an order. He wasn’t angry at you. It was a plea. The Bastard of the Barrel was begging. Begging you to move.

None of his words could have prevented what was about to happen.

Bullets broke through the glass, just barely missing your head as the already shattered glass beneath you began to crack. Before you could even begin to comprehend what was going on, the window gave in completely, the shards of glass taking you with them without giving you a second to move.

Kaz could only watch as your body crashed on top of a desk, the usually quite sturdy wood breaking on impact. Bits and fragments of the ceiling continued to come down, crumbling down on your now lifeless form. For a moment, he felt like something rooted him in place. He just couldn’t begin to force his eyes off of the mess he had created. There was no chance you could have survived that, he thought. The realisation of you being gone sickened him as much as it fuelled him to move. He couldn’t let you have died for nothing.

Jesper had never seen his friend this despondent. Kaz’s face was devoid of any emotion - no anger, no vengeance, no sadness - just nothing. Even though Nina insisted that he was close to having a heart attack, he looked as if he was utterly indifferent to everything around him.

You survived the fall. Barely, but you were breathing. Just not conscious. Nina had managed to fix you up as best as she could, cleaning out the cuts, healing the bruises and mending all the other ailments one might face from a fall as painful as yours. However, a Heartrender could solely do enough to keep you alive and make sure that your organs wouldn’t fail. Everyone was aware of the fact that the rest was completely up to you. And after a whole week of being unresponsive, none of them was all that hopeful.

“She’s weak,” Nina muttered, anxiously fidgeting in the chair next to your bed. The remaining four Crows had joined her, hoping - praying - for better news. Only Kaz refused to see you. He didn’t elaborate on why, and he didn’t need to. The visceral reaction he had when the Heartrender told him that she didn’t know whether you would make it was enough to answer that question. He couldn’t even let her finish before turning around and leaving for his office, where he stayed for the majority of the day from then on.

“She’s going to make it. She always does.” Jesper attempted to ease the tension, though the tone of his voice made it clear that he didn’t believe that himself.

“Kaz should know,” Inej said all of a sudden, causing all the attention to go towards her. His name hadn’t been verbalized since he retreated to his office, a mutual understanding that it was best not to talk about him right now. “If she dies while he’s still cooped up in his office…” She trailed off, not wanting to imagine that possible outcome.

“Trust me, I tried talking to him.” Nina sighed, letting her eyes fly over your dull features once more. “He won’t listen. I don’t think he realizes how unlikely it is that she survives this. He won’t even allow me to slow his heartbeat down.”

“I believe he knows what will happen. And that’s exactly why he doesn’t want to see her.” Matthias objected, a solemn look on his face as he put a comforting hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder.

“I’ll go and talk to him.” Inej decided, not waiting for anyone to object before slipping out of the room and up the stairs. She didn’t bother knocking, knowing that the man on the other side of the door was not going to answer anyway.

“I didn’t give you permission to come in, Wraith.” Kaz didn’t even glance up at her when she pushed open the door to enter his office. He looked exhausted, his hair ruffled and alabaster skin even paler than usual.

“Ignoring the inevitable won’t bring you any peace, Kaz.” Dismissing his reprimand, she began speaking, her voice as calm as it could be.

“Another proverb for me to follow?” He answered, a certain hint of venom lacing his voice. She knew that it was an act.

“No. Some advice from a friend.” Inej watched as his eyes shot up from the papers in front of him. She knew that it was foolish to confront him in the current state he was in. For anyone else that would have been an offence akin to a death sentence. But she couldn’t watch him suffer like this. “She probably won’t make it. You know that. You won’t achieve anything by refusing to see her.”

“I won’t achieve anything by seeing her either, will I? If her death is inevitable it shouldn’t matter whether I’m there to see it or not.” He didn’t actually believe that. In fact, he had attempted to go to your room countless times before. But whenever he got close enough to turn the handle, the waves started thrashing at his ankles again. It was an unwelcome feeling. The same feeling one felt whilst walking up the stairs, thinking that there’s another step after already reaching the top - a heavy and gutting feeling. So he never went through with actually pressing down the handle.

“If you’re doing all of this to save face you should drop it. We all know that she means something to you, and there’s no point in trying to deny it. Acting indifferent to the whole situation will cause you more harm than good, trust me.”

There was no snarky comment he could give her, no way of renouncing her accusations. She was right. He hadn’t been able to shake off the nauseous feeling for the entirety of the week. A feeling that caused his heart to run a marathon every time he thought about what happened, and what would happen if he didn’t push away the guilt that seeped through him. Nina had attempted to calm his heart down more than once, but she was quickly shut down every single time. He didn’t want the relief. It wouldn’t make you wake up again. It wouldn’t do anything to help you. And he didn’t deserve it. He deserved to feel the consequences of his actions. He deserved to know how much you actually meant to him. He deserved to be smothered by the grave he dug for himself.

“What will a visit be of use then? She won’t notice me being there, so I can just as well spend my time doing something useful.” The girl opposite him sighed, a disappointed expression on her face as she eyed him up and down.

“If that’s what you really want, Kaz.” Without wasting another word on him, she left, leaving him alone with his thoughts again.

No. It wasn’t what he really wanted.

Every bone in your body screamed at you to just go back to sleep again, at least until your limbs stopped hurting this much. But the light of the morning sun had forced your eyes to open, allowing you to slowly take in your surrounding. You were in your room. Even with the sparse furnishing, it was visibly yours. That calmed you a bit. You were safe, not lying in your makeshift grave in some dusty archive.

The loud beating of a heart diverted your attention from staring at the ceiling. It was irregular and way too fast for it to beat this unevenly. Someone else was in your room.

You turned your head a little, just enough to see the man sitting next to you. Though his heart told you otherwise, Kaz looked rather peaceful. His head was slumped over the backrest of the chair he was sleeping in, and his mouth stood slightly agape, letting out strained breaths. He seemed to not have slept in an eternity, so you didn’t think about waking him up. His mere presence was enough for now.

However, when you attempted to sit up, the wooden frame of the bed creaking as you moved, he began to stir. There was a brief pause in his movements after his eyes opened. The cogs in his brain started turning as he took in the scene in front of him. You were smiling, looking very much not dead. He could feel his heart drop to his stomach as the realization began to set in. And you could feel it too.

The thing that happened next was unexpected. The thudding inside his chest got louder as an ungloved hand reached out to touch yours. You almost wanted to pull away, to tell him that he was insane for acting this thoughtlessly, but you knew that this would probably be even worse than just letting him.

As his skin met yours, he shuddered slightly, resisting the urge to flinch away. But your hand was warm and soft, nothing at all like the skin of a bloating corpse. You were alive. He repeated that sentence like a mantra. You didn’t die during the last heist and you weren’t Jordie. You were here with him.

After he managed to convince his mind, that you were fine, he carefully retreated his hand, without removing it from the bed entirely. With a shuddering breath, his eyes met yours. He could only imagine what you were probably thinking of him right now. If his feelings hadn’t already been obvious enough prior to this, they must have been clear as day now.

“You look as terrible as I feel.” Your voice sounded hoarse, still a bit weakened by not being used for an entire week, but it still sounded heavenly to him. You were alive, and that was all that mattered.

“You broke through a glass ceiling and had a quite severe fall. I suppose feeling terrible is one of the lesser evils.” He closed his eyes for a split second, his fingers twitching as he contemplated his next words.

“Are you alright, Kaz?” The question felt like a déjà vu and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought.

“I don’t think that’s a question that should be directed at me. You were the one to almost die.”

“Your heart. It’s beating really fast. I could slow it down for you if you want me to.” You knew that there was a different reason for his heart to react like this. But you needed to hear him say it.

His expression contorted into one of surprise. Of course he was aware of your Small Science, it was one of the main reasons for him to recruit you after all. For some odd reason, he had just never considered you using it on him without his knowledge. It wasn’t that he felt betrayed, but learning that you were able to listen in on his heartbeat the entire time also meant that you probably noticed the way it sped up whenever you were around.

“When we arrived at the Slat and Nina came to tend to your wounds, she told me that she wasn’t sure whether you were going to make it. I didn’t want to come and see you because I was afraid.” He flexed the hand that still rested on his knee as he spoke, visibly uncomfortable with talking about his feelings. “I was afraid of facing the fact that you might actually be dead. I was afraid of losing you. And now, even though I know that you’re not dead, I’m still afraid of losing you.”

“Kaz, you won’t lose me. I’ll do anything in my power to prevent that.” You bit back the urge to lay your hand on his to comfort him, but judging by his current state that would have been more than counterproductive.

“I believe that is not something you have any distinct control over.”

“Come on, I may be clumsy but I’m sure-”

“That’s not what I meant. Not entirely, at least.” He sighed, avoiding making eye contact as he mentally fumbled with his words. You wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but something told you that it was best to give him a bit more time. “I have not only grown to appreciate your presence. In some way, you have become essential to me. I fear that you may mean more to me than I care to admit.”

The silence following his words was heavy and laced with more emotion than either of you could process. You didn’t know what you had expected him to say, you didn’t even know if you had expected anything more than a longing glance and an unspoken promise. But somehow, this still caught you off guard.

“You love me.” You intended to make it sound like a question, however, once the sentence left your mouth, it came out rather matter-of-factly. “Why would that mean losing me?”

“I’m not the easiest person to love. Losing you in some way is inevitable.”

“Barely anything is easy. Not here. However, loving you isn’t a chore. And it’s not something arduous either. I’d be willing to try. But only if that is what you’d also choose to do.” You saw his eyebrows switch slightly, almost as if your statement was something utterly outlandish and unexpected. Maybe that was the case for him.

“I… I’m choosing this.” He took in a sharp breath before giving you a barely noticeable nod. “I choose you.” And so did his heart.

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Kaz Brekker: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @juneberrie @writingmysanity @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @brekkers-desigirl @fall-writes

[thebadgerclan]

Learn

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x reader x Wylan Van Eck

Summary: Wylan wants to learn how to pleasure you, and Jesper is more than happy to teach him...

Smut!

It was something that Wylan had fantasized about countless times, an image he’d gotten himself off to far more often than he’d ever admit aloud: touching you, making love to you, making you come.  But his deepest fantasy had yet to play out for one crucial reason: Wylan had absolutely no idea how to pleasure a woman.  You and Jesper were the first relationship he’d ever been in, the first love he’d ever felt.  The three of you had gotten into some heated make-outs, but it had never progressed any further.

But Wylan wanted, oh how he wanted.  He wanted to run his hands over your body, he wanted to bury his face between your thighs, he wanted to thrust into you while Jesper called him his good boy.  The mere notion of doing so made Wylan achingly hard that he’d had to duck into the restroom and take care of himself so he could finish out the workday.  It had been nearly impossible to keep his cool when he returned home, and when the three of you had drifted up to the bedroom for the evening, Wylan made his move.

He pulled you into his arms and kissed you deeply, having to go up on his tiptoes just slightly to reach you.  You happily pulled your lover into you as you kissed him, never one to shy away from his affections.  Jesper came up behind Wylan and snaked his arms around his waist, kissing the mercher’s neck.  “Y/N,” Wylan sighed, reluctantly breaking the kiss.  “Y/N, I want… I want…”  “What do you want, baby?”  “I want to make you feel good.”

A white-hot bolt of arousal shot through you, and you felt your face flush.  “Really, baby?  You’re ready?”  You’d have taken Wylan to bed the second you met, but both you and Jesper hadn’t wanted to push him into anything he wasn’t completely ready for.  But he was ready now.  “I am, but…”  “But what, sweetheart?” Jesper asked, still pressing open mouthed kisses to Wylan’s neck.  “I don’t know what to do.”

The Zemini smirked, turning Wylan around so he was facing him.  “That’s alright, baby boy,” he said, tenderly cupping his cheek.  “I happen to be an excellent teacher.  And Y/N’ll tell you what she likes.”  Wylan nodded, and when he turned around, it was to find you seated on the bed, smiling at him.  “I’m yours, baby,” you said, and your lover surged towards you, kissing you hard as he lifted the hem of your sleep shirt, pulling his lips from yours only to remove it.

You didn’t have a bra on, and Wylan sucked in a breath.  “Ghezen, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, reaching for the waistband of your pants–a pair of Jesper’s sweats–next.  Wylan hurried to strip himself, and once he was naked, he was kissing you again.  Already you were breathless, dripping between your legs, and Jesper laid a hand on your shoulder.  “Are you ready, my darlings?” he asked, and Wylan eagerly nodded.

“Good.  Y/N, I want you to lie back, love.”  You did as you were bade, reclining against the pillows, one of your lovers on either side of you.  “Now baby, our Y/N is a sensitive little thing,” Jesper said, easing your legs apart.  “So if you’re doing something she likes, you’ll know it.”  “H-how will I know?”  Wylan sounded so unsure, so shy, and your heart squeezed.  “Like this.  Y/N, may I?”

“Please,” was your breathless response, and your lover smiled, trailing a hand from your knee up your thigh.  You spread your legs wider, hoping to entice your lover, and he smiled.  “See how wet she is for us?  For you, Wy?”  “Me?”  You reached for Wylan’s hand, squeezing it softly.  “Yes, baby.”  A flush creeped its way up the mercher’s neck, and Jesper continued.  “She’ll never admit it, but Y/N likes being teased.  Start out by rubbing her clit, not too hard, that might hurt, but not too light either.”

He demonstrated, running two fingers through your slit to gather your wetness.  When Jesper pressed against your clit, rubbing slow, gentle circles, you let your head fall back, a breathy moan leaving your mouth.  You heard Wylan’s breath catch, and you opened your eyes to find him watching with rapt attention, his cock hard and straining.  “Keep doing this for a little while,” Jesper said, rubbing your clit faster.  “You can speed up a little bit, but not too much, and right when it seems like she might come…”

“Jes!” you cried, and that was his cue.  Your lover pulled his hand back, causing you to whine.  “Why did you stop?” Wylan asked, and Jesper laughed.  “Because hearing her pretty little moans is half the fun.”  He then instructed Wylan how to finger you, how to find your g-spot, and what your tells were.  “She’ll start squirming when she’s close,” he said.  “Breathing a bit harder, her moans will get a little higher.  So if you want to edge her, stop what you’re doing then.”

After several demonstrations, Jesper pressed a kiss to your forehead and sat back.  “You’re not going to make her come?” Wylan asked, and Jesper shook his head.  “No, baby, that’s all you tonight.  But maybe give her a minute or so to calm down so she doesn’t come too quickly.”  Wylan nodded, moving up the bed to kiss you.  Lust coursed through your veins, and you pulled your lover closer, deepening the kiss.

“Wylan, touch me,” you breathed.  “Please baby, touch me.”  Wylan nodded, sitting back on his knees, looking at you with hungry eyes.  Slowly, he brought a hand to your cunt, swiping two fingers through your wetness, just as Jesper had.  When Wylan rubbed a slow circle on your clit, you bucked your hips and let out a strangled moan.  “That’s good, baby,” Jesper praised.  “Touch her just like that.”

Your lover was an apt student, copying Jesper’s motions almost exactly.  But Wylan’s touch was different; his hands slenderer, his touch gentler, his motions still somewhat hesitant.  But as you moaned his name, told him how good it felt, his confidence grew.  Just as Jesper had said, your moans went up in pitch and you began panting, and Wylan retracted his hand, earning a dejected whine from you.  

“Wylan,” you sighed, head lolling to the side.  “Wylan, fuck, please don’t stop.”  Where Jesper might have teased you, taunted you, Wylan pressed two fingers into your cunt, thrustung gently.  Your back arched and you keened, a hand reaching for his wrist.  “Fuck, Wy, oh shit!”  Wylan had crooked his fingers, finding your g-spot and pressing into it almost effortlessly.  “That’s it, Wy,” Jesper cooed, coming to kneel behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist and stroking his cock.  “Keep touching here like that, good boy.”

Wylan’s moans joined yours, making the most beautiful chorus Jesper had ever heard.  For several minutes yours and Wylan’s cries of pleasure, your praises filled the room, and soon, you felt your orgasm building.  “Wylan,” you moaned, gently rolling your hips against his hand.  “Wylan, please, right there, baby.  Please, I’m so close.  Don’t stop, please, right there.”  Wylan did as you asked, keeping the rhythm and pressure of his fingers consistent, and a moment later, you shattered.

With a cry of his name, you came, back bowing, eyes rolling back in your head.  Wylan felt a flush of pride, watching you fall apart on his hand; knowing you were feeling such pleasure and knowing it was him that had caused it.  And when you let out a whimper, a soft, desperate plea of, “Wylan,” and when Jesper twisted his wrist just so, the mercher released, his head tipping back to rest on Jesper’s shoulder.

Jesper felt his cock throb in his sleep pants at the sight of his lovers moaning and writhing for each other.  He eased Wylan to lie at your side before retreating to the bathroom, returning a moment later with warm washcloths to clean the two of you up.  In the moment or so he’d been gone, you and Wylan had gravitated towards each other and were now tangled in each other’s embraces, foreheads touching, eyes shut.

“Alright, my loves,” he said.  “Let me clean you up, then we can snuggle.”  It was one of Jesper’s favorite things, putting you back together after thoroughly ravishing you, and now he got to offer that loving ritual to Wylan too.  Both of you whimpered and protested, but Jesper managed to get the two of you clean, dressed, and tucked beneath the covers.  Wylan had snuggled into your chest again, and Jesper curled around him from behind.

“Did I do good?” he asked, and you wondered how your heart could swell and break at the same time.  Your sweet boy craved praise so much, craved validation, and lucky for him, you were more than happy to dole it out.  “So good, baby,” you said, kissing his forehead.  “You did so good, Wy.”  “Yes, you did, sweetheart,” Jesper echoed, kissing his shoulder.  “Our good boy.”

Wylan preened under your attention, letting out a contented hum.  “I love you, Wylan,” you said, gently tugging him closer.  “I love you too,” he mumbled, his post-orgasmic haze combined with yours and Jesper’s arms around him acting like a sedative.  He soon drifted off, and Jesper reached for and took your hand.  “And I love you, my sweet girl.”  You smiled, squeezing his hand.  “Love you too, Jes,” you replied, letting your eyes close and sleep claim you as well.

[auroravictorium]

karma (k.b.)

trick me once, trick me twice. don't you know that cash ain't the only price?

Summary: kaz gets his first piece of information about reader's whereabouts, and pekka gets his revenge; inej makes a pivotal discovery, and kaz vows to kill pekka rollins. Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship) Word Count: 3.8k Warnings: moderate violence [choking, breaking bones, punching, kicking], mentions of blood, mentions of killing (in the context of a threat), violent!kaz (but not as violent as he could be, y'know)

Genre: angst + action

Author's Note: another beast of a part for you guys!! i hope you all enjoy, and thank you to everyone for your kind words!! you're all so sweet i'm sobbing - promise we're gonna get a reunion between kaz and reader soooooooon! then some fluff hehe.

grishaverse masterlist

"I asked around," Nina said quietly, just for Kaz to hear as they stood behind a crumbling chimney atop a bank in the Financial District. It wasn't far from where Y/N was taken, and with this view, Nina couldn't blame Jesper and Inej for losing sight of the mercenaries. In the tangle of Ketterdam streets, it was too easy for them to get away. "Only three mercenary groups based in Kerch use ether."

"Which groups?" Kaz said, peering around the chimney and glancing at his pocket watch. Pekka Rollins's closest financier should be coming up for his hourly smoke anytime now, and Kaz was growing impatient. Not that he had much patience in the past three days, most of it shot by worry and an inability to stop wondering if you were still alive. He knew Pekka Rollins; he wouldn't choose a mercenary group that wasted time.

"-And the-Are you even listening to me?" Nina said, cutting herself off and looking at him with a raised brow. Her unimpressed look softened when she saw his pursed lips: his only tell that he was somewhere else, probably thinking about Y/N. "Kaz. We're going to find her."

Kaz turned and masked his concern with a scowl. "Of course we will. That's why we're here," he said sharply. She's in this mess because of me. The thought had plagued him since Inej and Jesper told him you were gone; finding you was the only way he could fix this. He wouldn't accept any alternative. "Which group uses ether the most?"

"They call themselves the Dykhaniye." Nina closed her eyes and felt for nearby heartbeats; none, except for Kaz's. "Wylan said ether is highly flammable. As far as anyone has heard, they're the only ones able to use it successfully without any significant losses on their end. Others have tried, but..." She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She didn't want to think about what ether was doing to Y/N. Difficulty breathing, fatigue, vomiting... Nina knew Y/N was strong but didn't know how long she could survive being repeatedly poisoned.

"We need to find where they're based. That's where they'll have taken her." Kaz clutched onto his cane and fought to keep his breathing steady. Nina's wording was deliberate. No significant losses on their end. If they found Y/N, what state would she be in? Would they kill her, or would exposure to the ether do it? "I'll send word to Inej."

"She's already investigating leads." Nina held up a hand, silencing Kaz as he opened his mouth to question how, exactly, Inej could already be investigating leads if Kaz had just heard this information. Nina tilted her head toward the door and mouthed, Later.

Fine. Kaz would question why he didn't hear about this first once he was done beating the shit out of the financier. Get the information, ask Inej what she knows, and find Y/N. He snapped his mouth shut and angled his head, listening as the door to the roof creaked open. The metal hinges squeaked terribly, grating Kaz's ears and making Nina cringe. 

The door creaked shut, and Kaz heard footsteps approaching the edge of the roof. Nina raised her hands, already feeling for the man's breathing. It came to her as naturally as wind to sails, and she started to curl her fingers.

Kaz held up a finger. Wait. He glanced around the side of the chimney and watched the man next to the decorative metal fencing along the roof's edge. It was rusted, and pieces flaked off as the man lit his first cigarette, inhaled deeply, then tapped the ashes off using the fence.

He puffed away, looking over the city, and Kaz lowered his finger. 

As the man inhaled, Nina clenched her fist.

The financier choked on the smoke and dropped the cigarette from his mouth. His hands went to his throat, and he stumbled back from the metal fence. He hacked and coughed, tipping forward until he sank to his knees. As his lips turned blue, he swung his head wildly from side to side to look around for anyone who could help.

Instead, he found Kaz, who had no intentions of helping the man get back to his smoke break. Vengeance burned in those icy blue eyes, and the man gaped in fear like a fish pulled from the sea.

Kaz brought his cane down on the man's skull. The man's mouth moved like he wanted to cry out, and he slumped to the side onto the rough surface of the roof. Blood seeped down the man's temple, and a sick satisfaction ran through Kaz, fueling his wrath and setting him ablaze from the inside out. He hauled the financier back to his knees with a gloved hand on the man's collar, then started dragging him toward the teetering metal fence.

The man writhed underneath his grip, his hands going to Kaz's wrist and pulling, trying to pry his fingers away. But Kaz's grip was as unbreakable as his determination to bring Ketterdam to its knees until he found Y/N, and he had no problem destroying this man and this city if it meant making sure you were safe.

Kaz positioned the man so he hung partially over the fence, his face turned to the streets below. Nina released her grip on the man's lungs enough for him to breathe some air but not enough to scream or make much noise. The man went slack once he could gasp, but Kaz wasn't foolish enough to release him.

"I'm only going to ask this nicely once," Kaz hissed, leaning in so his voice was a terrible, dangerous whisper in the financier's ear. His eyes glinted in the setting sun, the icy blue color turning a sinister shade of orange as his irises caught the sun's fading rays. "Pekka Rollins paid off mercenaries recently. How much did it cost?"

Nina stayed behind the chimney, giving Kaz the space to work, but she peeked at the man as he gasped for air. His heart raced against his ribcage fast enough to make her want to wince, and his lungs strained with the effort to keep up with his panic. Saints, Kaz was trying to send this man into heart failure before getting any answers.

"I can't-" the man wheezed through blue lips, "tell you." His face throbbed as gravity forced his blood to his head, and his breathing trembled.

Kaz pushed the financier further over the barrier, which creaked dangerously under the man's weight. "You can, and you will," Kaz said. He jerked his chin toward the street below, filled with passersby on their way home for the evening or to the East Stave for some debauchery to relieve the workday's stress. "Or I just might lose my grip." 

"He'll kill me," the man whimpered. He coughed, and his mouth tasted like copper. "He said he'd kill me."

"I think you're worried about the wrong person." Kaz kicked the metal fence, and the segment beneath the man buckled. The financier cried out as he hung over the alleyway, supported only by Kaz's grip on his collar. He finally seemed to realize that Kaz intended to let him hurtle off the roof headfirst if he didn't get answers, and he sobbed a quiet plea for help. Nobody looked up, the sound muffled by a twitch of Nina's fingers. 

"How. Much," Kaz pressed. His arm was beginning to strain from holding the man up, and his leg was none too pleased with the exertion required to keep his weight steady on the roof's edge. 

"Two million kruge," the man sobbed. "Mercenaries wouldn't accept anything less."

Kaz tilted his head. "Is he telling the truth?" he said too calmly, the question intended for Nina. He could feel her eyes on him, on his complete indifference to the man's desperation to survive. But this paled in comparison to what Kaz wanted to do in revenge for your kidnapping. 

Nina winced, though Kaz's tone was outwardly neutral. She peered at his face. His expression bordered on bloodthirsty, and Nina swallowed. "Yes," she said softly.

Sometimes it was easy to forget how Kaz got his reputation, especially when Nina saw him around Y/N. He was always kind with her, as tender or gentle as a man with such sharp edges could be, and he never responded to her with anything other than a racing heart or caught breaths. 

Kaz loved Y/N, whether he admitted it to himself or not, and Nina's ability to hear the signs made her forget that he could be like this. And he would if it meant keeping his Crows secure, his business intact, Y/N alive and safe.

Kaz surveyed the man's face, the tears in his eyes, and his moving lips as he murmured prayers to his saints. He considered Nina's confirmation of the financier's truthfulness, yet how easy it could be to throw this man off the roof and be done with it. It would be merciful compared to what Kaz wished he could do to this man for his role in your kidnapping, enabling Pekka Rollins to hire the mercenaries.

Chances are, the financier didn't even know your name. It wasn't in his purview.

Kaz clenched his jaw. This man's death could send a message and make it clear that Kaz would only do worse until he got the information he wanted. He could cause terror, drive the Dime Lions out of hiding and force someone to yield information. It was what Pekka Rollins would do if Kaz had inflicted the magnitude of pain that Rollins had.

His brother. His childhood. His Crows. His love.

He jerked the financier upright once more, and the man let out a sob that Kaz cut off as he shoved the man away from the roof's edge. The man rolled a few feet away and stopped at the bottom of the chimney, crying and mumbling prayers into his palms. 

Kaz crossed over to him in two long strides and brought the blunt end of his cane down on the man's ribcage hard enough to fracture bone. Nina winced when she heard the crunch, pressing herself into the side of the chimney; the cold seeped from the bricks into her back, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Which group of mercenaries did Rollins need the money for?" Kaz growled. He moved the tip of his cane to an unbroken rib and leaned just enough weight on it that the man choked on another cry. 

"The Dykhaniye," the man wailed. He'd given up on trying to conceal information from Kaz Brekker, who knew exactly what buttons to push to get what he wanted. "I don't know what he wanted with them." He turned his head to the side and spat to clear his airway, creating a mess of blood and tears down the side of his face and on the ground.

Kaz lifted his cane, and the man immediately tried to wriggle away from him as if he could get far enough to be out of reach of the crow-headed cane. "That wasn't so difficult, was it?" Kaz said. He tossed a wad of kruge at the man's battered chest, and the bills scattered across the rooftop on a light breeze. "For your trouble."

It was mocking, but he could have done much worse. If the financier had any sense left, he would take the money and get the hell out of the city before Pekka Rollins caught wind of his men breaking under threat from Kaz Brekker.

He turned and caught Nina's gaze. Giving her a curt nod of thanks, he spun on his heel and went for the door leading off the roof. She rushed to follow, sparing a short glance at the sobbing man next to the chimney. "You were right," he said quietly. It was the closest he would get to approving of her telling Inej of her suspicions before him. "Now, we wait to hear what Inej knows."

-

Your head snapped sharply to the side as Pekka Rollins cracked his knuckles across your cheek. Pain blossomed across your jaw, throbbing hard enough to rattle your teeth, and you bit your tongue to silence your cry. Every breath you took stung your lungs, and your chest struggled to rise and fall against the pressure of your broken ribs. 

You fought to stay upright, forced to shift your knees against the hard ground without using your hands to balance. Your right knee scraped harshly against the stone floor, and the pain was worse than anything Rollins had done to you. It shot up and down your leg like a strong electric shock straight to your nerves, and it took everything you had to not let a sob of agony cross your lips. 

Breathe. Let the pain out through your lungs. You forced a trembling breath in and out, trying to imagine the pain in your body turning to mist. You thought of the low clouds that lingered in Ketterdam during the summer, how they occasionally brought cool breezes along to soothe the sweating inhabitants of the city. 

It had been days since you'd seen the sky, and thinking of Ketterdam's consistently gray skies brought you a unique mix of pain and comfort. What you would give to be under the clouds with the breeze on your skin.

If you got out of here alive, you would never again take the sight of the sky for granted.

When. When I get out of here.

"I'll ask you again," Rollins said, pacing before you like a predator cornering its prey. His hair drooped in his face, and the front of his clothes was stained dark with broth. There was a slice across his cheekbone from a shard of porcelain, and blood was smudged across his knuckles and fingertips. Yours and his. He looked nothing more than the scum he was, with any semblance of composure or pride wiped from his face as you refused to break under his fists. "Why did Brekker want those documents?"

You spat at his feet. Blood splattered the hem of his trousers and his polished shoes, but the wicked satisfaction wasn't worth a slap jerking your head to the other side. This time, a soft groan of pain slipped out. Your cheek throbbed, and you swiped your tongue across your dry lips as you panted. In. Out. Keep breathing.

You could do this. You could keep fighting long enough to make a plan. The mercenaries had long since left the two of you alone; all you had to do was get past Pekka, swipe the knife from his belt, and saw away at the rope binding your wrists. If they hadn't dragged you up a flight of chipped stone stairs and away from your cell, you would consider using a shard from the bowl you'd shattered; if you made it back down, you would be sure to pocket one. Use what you have.

Pekka leaned down and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look up at him. "You're making this harder than it needs to be, lass," he snarled. "Perhaps I should have passed you over to the Stadwatch. You've killed a fair share of my men, and murder can be a serious charge if I want it to be."

"Then do it," you spat. Blood dripped down your lip, and you considered spitting it in his face. You didn't bother licking it away, unwilling to let him see how much the metallic taste in your mouth bothered you. "Why waste your time?" 

"Because you're valuable to Brekker, stupid girl." Rollins laughed, a grating, taunting sound that sent a shiver down your spine. You flexed your fingers, wishing you could wrap them around his throat and strangle the sound out of his lungs. All of this is because Kaz poses a threat to his business. 

But there had to be more. There had to be something Kaz hadn't told you.

No. Save the doubt for later. 

Pekka kicked you in the ribs, knocking you back into the wall. Fiery pain rushed to your chest, and whatever air you'd gathered slipped past your lips in a soft wheeze. Your back ached from its collision with the stone wall. Everything hurt, and you weren't sure you could stand.

A bloody cough slipped past your lips, and tears welled up in your swollen eyes. You wished you could wipe them away, avoid showing Pekka Rollins how weak you were feeling. But you were powerless to stop them, and you had no choice but to lean your head back against the stones and squeeze your eyes shut. Stop crying. Breathe.

Breathing could only get you so far.

Pekka turned and slammed his fist against the heavy oak door keeping you inside this room with him. Inside this damn warehouse, from what you'd gathered on your straggling, painful walk up from your cell. You wished you had the strength to attack Pekka while his back was turned, but you could only bring yourself to open your eyes as the door opened and two of the mercenaries entered.

Sergei and Fjerdan Asshole. Just the people you wanted to see.

You glowered at them as they jerked you to your feet, and Sergei only gave you an unpleasant smirk. Another cough bubbled up in your chest as the mercenaries hauled you toward the door, filling your mouth with blood. You glared at Pekka Rollins as you passed him, and he looked back at you smugly.

"I can't wait until Brekker sees what I've done to you," he drawled, following you to the office door. "His rage will make it even more satisfying when I kill him."

When I kill him.

Something hot and red and destructive washed over you. Every ounce of pain in your body seemed to temporarily numb, yielding to the pure wrath burning beneath your skin. You would bear as much pain as Pekka Rollins gave you, the bruises and cuts and broken bones. But you would make sure there was nothing left of him, the Dime Lions, or Ketterdam if he went after Kaz; losing Kaz was a pain you refused to bear.

You looked over your shoulder at Rollins, piercing him with a simmering glare that would have made anyone else shrink back. "You have a spot of blood on your tie," you snarled. Then, you spat your mouthful of blood in his face. 

Rollins reeled back with a roar of outrage, wiping away the blood but only succeeding in smearing it through his beard. A murderous look filled his eyes, but he didn't have enough time to act on it before the mercenaries shoved you out of the office and toward the dark stairs leading to the warehouse basement.

-

Inej darted up the stairs to Kaz's office, panting and shoving past meandering Dregs coming out of their room for an early breakfast. She swung around the corner and pushed open Kaz's door, nearly hitting Jesper. He jumped out of the way and surveyed her disheveled state, opening his mouth to, presumably, ask what happened.

She dropped a stack of papers on Kaz's desk and leaned against the chair across from his to catch her breath. "Straight from the office of Pekka Rollins," she gasped, holding her side. "The Dykhaniye are based in Zierfoort. They own every warehouse complex in the city as a front for their operations. That's where they took her."

Kaz immediately shoved his map to the side and started flipping through the papers, glancing up at Inej. "How? I told you not to risk it." He jerked a transaction list free from the stack, and his icy eyes scanned it for any precise information. Which warehouse, which side of the city, anything that might expedite their search for Y/N. "Jesper, the carriage. Now."

"On it, Boss." Jesper gently squeezed Inej's shoulder on his way out. She squeezed his wrist in thanks. "Good job," he whispered. He left the office, and his thundering footsteps rattled the floorboards as he moved down the stairs.

"Wylan staged a distraction. The grunts around the perimeter of the Emerald Palace had to go investigate an explosion on one of their ships in Fourth Harbor." Inej straightened up and searched Kaz's face. "I shouldn't have gone without letting you know, but she's my friend, Kaz. I can't sit idly knowing I could have done something to stop this."

"There was nothing you could have done," Kaz said quietly. He stood and rolled the papers up, stuffing them in the inner pocket of his coat. He met Inej's gaze, and she was relieved to find no anger there. None directed at her, anyway. "Pekka had this plotted out for months. They found servant stairwells that we thought were blocked off, and he hired the best mercenaries that kruge could buy."

Kaz didn't blame Inej or Jesper. He blamed himself entirely. I was the one who put her at risk. I let her become my weakness, and she's paying the price. He grabbed his cane and a pistol from some hidden spot beneath his desk and spun the latter in his fingers.

Inej examined Kaz's face, searching for any hint of a contradiction to his words. When she found none, her shoulders loosened. "I'll get Nina and Matthias. Wylan is already downstairs." 

"Matthias and Wylan stay. They'll watch over the Club and the Slat until we return." Kaz grabbed his hat, stared at it for a moment, then put it back down. You were the last to wear it when you used it as a disguise to get him breakfast on his birthday. It reminded him too strongly of you, of his failure to say what he longed to say before the bank job. 

You expressed your love for him so often and so carefully that he wondered why you woke up every day and still chose him, when he could barely tell you that he cared without choking on his past. Would you still choose him when all of this was said and done? Would you realize that he was at fault for this, that he was nothing more than a shell of a man, too haunted, too broken, too bruised, who brought pain to anyone who dared to get close?

Kaz blinked back to the present, pulling himself from the color of your eyes, the memories of his fingers clasping your favorite necklace around your neck. "Let's go," he said quietly, ignoring Inej's concerned look. She'd probably said his name a few times. He didn't care. "It's a day's trip to Zierfoort."

And he stalked out of the office, leaning heavily on his cane and pondering how it would feel to finally kill Pekka Rollins.

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[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

part thirteen

pairing: kaz brekker x reader

genre: angst/neutral

el's thoughts: this... is the "official" final part of the series! thank you so so much for all the love and support y'all have given me! i left the ending in a place where i can always come back and pick it up if i wanted to. so with that being said, please enjoy this part! i hope you like it as much as i loved writing it! please remember to reblog and comment :)

masterlist

Nikolai leaned heavily on Toyla while Tamar walked on his other side, both siblings leading him to a place to sit. The crows followed silently behind the group of three, watching the other soldiers carry their dead.

“Long may the night carry our souls until the dawn renews us.” Toyla said as he helped the young king sit on a wooden crate. 

“Rabinov. Canto Seventeen.” Kaz spoke, leaning forward on his cane. 

Toyla smiled, “Seems we both share an appreciation for life’s beauty.”

Nikolai let out a soft groan when he put some of his weight on his wounded shoulder. Tamar placed her hand on his back, “Are you okay?”

“A moment of sun before we deal with our losses.”  The blonde stared blankly in front of him. “Dominik…” He cut himself off as he felt emotions rising in his throat at the thought of the loss of his best friend. 

“He did exactly what any of us would have done for each other. For you.” Tamar’s voice held nothing but conviction as she spoke. 

The group's attention was taken away from each other when they noticed five people walking into their camp. Alina lead the group while Mal followed behind everyone. Nina stopped at the line of dead soldiers and stood in her place with a distant look in her eyes. Y/N froze in her steps a few paces before the heartrender, lost in her own mind as she observed the people around her. Kaz stared at her with a flash of concern in his piercing eyes. Nikolai watched the small, nearly unnoticeable interaction with slight interest before he saw Inej hand the blade to Alina. 

Alina ran off to find Mal and before Inej walked over to the other crows she turned to Y/N. She held her hand out to call her over causing the inferni to smile softly to herself. She followed the suli girl a few paces behind her finally looking over the rest of their crew. Kaz watched her intently, waiting for her to make eye contact finally and when she did neither was brave enough to break it. A strong sense of longing filled Y/N’s chest but she held her ground, only nodding at the man before going over to Nikolai and the twins. 

“And Kirigan?” Nikolai asked. 

“Dead.” Y/N’s voice was cold and emotionless as she avoided looking into their eyes. “Zoya is protecting the body. Alina wants it burned.”

A wave of unspoken relief washed over the trio seated before her.

The young king rose to his feet and faced the crows. “Thank you. My country might have been sunk if you hadn’t arrived.” His lips formed a faint smirk, “Again.” 

“We’ll settle those thanks in gold.” 

Y/N’s eyes only lifted from the ground in front of her at the sound of Kaz’s gravelly voice.

Tamar and Toyla helped Nikolai limp away with Nadia and her brother following the trio. 

“He’s right, you know. We do have our adventures. We should hire a writer to jot down our story.” As Jesper spoke, Wylan moved to stand next to Kaz while Y/N stayed seated on the wooden crates.

“What will we call it?” The zemini continued. “The four charming rouges of Ketterdam. Yes.” He smiled to himself with pride. 

“There’s six of us.” Kaz said quietly as he glanced between Nina and Y/N.”

Jesper snapped his fingers, “Right. Six of cro-”

~

Y/N stood with Nina and the horse’s stroking their manes while leaning her head against one of their necks. She heard the muffled sound of Kaz’s cane coming towards them and she swiftly moved behind the horses so she wouldn’t have to see him directly.

“You might be a Saint now.” Kaz said to Nina. “Bringing someone back from the dead.”

“I wish I could take credit. Wasn’t me. She’s the real Saint.” They both turned to look at Alina talking with Nikolai.

“Once the world stops looking at her with gratitude, they’ll start to wonder if she's outstayed her welcome. That’ll be dangerous.” Kaz’s words caused Y/N's mind to run wild with uncontrollable thoughts. How were the people to react once they saw her for what she truly was? Where was she supposed to stay if she had to ture home? Her whole existence’s purpose was to protect grisha, at least that’s what Kirigan told her. She was to be a shield for those too weak to make their own. She was trained to willingly sacrifice herself over and over again. She didn’t know a life without that mentality.

“She may be the first person I’ve met who is both of the two most dangerous types in this world.” Nina’s voice shook her from her thoughts. 

“And which two are those?” Kaz asked. 

“Those defending their happily ever after. And those who don’t know how to find their way to one.” The heartrender spoke while watching him expectantly.

“Sounds like someone else I know.” He diverted. 

“I can't make peace with this place. I’m not giving up on my happily ever after.” Nina shook her head, “I’ll claw my way to one. If he’ll let me.”

Kaz’s eyes moved past Nina to the pair of boots standing behind one of the horses before looking back at the girl in front of him. “Let me help you.”

Y/N smiled softly to herself at the sound of determination in his voice. Proud of the small bit of care for his friends breaking through his walls. 

~

The heat was scorching as they all stood around Kirigan’s body that laid on a bed of firewood. Y/N extended her hand from where she stood and lit the two torches where they laid in their basket. She stood next to Zoya with Genya and Alina next to them. The crows stood behind the girls while Nikolai and his soldiers stood on the stone steps in front of everyone. 

Kaz stood directly behind the inferni, everything in his being screamed to place a hand of comfort on her shoulder but he knew he couldn’t. Instead he was left to watch in affliction as her shoulders visibly tensed beneath her uniform, her hands clenched and unclenched at the sight of the Darkling’s body before her. The man who caused her mental and emotional pain for years before she was able to escape. Before Kaz was able to do everything in his power to keep her safe and out of harm's way the best he could. 

“You go.” Alina spoke to Zoya and Genya. “You both have every right.”

Zoya lit the bed of firewood first, her eyes never leaving the Darkling’s pale face as she tossed the torch next to his feet. Genya then walked forward and lit the wood next to his head, making sure the fire caught before turning and handing the torch to Alina. 

“No grave. Nothing left.” Alina spoke as she stood before the body. “Goodbye, Aleksander.” She threw the torch onto him and walked back to stand beside Genya. 

Y/N moved her hands subtly twirled her fingers to spread the fire over the bed of wood while Nikolai walked down the steps.

“Today is a new beginning.” The young king started his speech. “For all of Ravka. Hell, for our whole world. It’s a bit daunting, isn't it? Knowing where to go from here.” He looked at the four girls at the front of the group, Alina and Genya holding hands while Y/N and Zoya stood beside each other like soldiers. “We’ve had a singular focus for so long. So much blood has been shed. After hundreds of years separated by the Fold, we can celebrate a unified Ravka. Our neighbors to the North will see us united and will aim to strike. But often it’s not the battle that takes the most from us. It’s the aftermath. The chance to put the pieces of our lives back together.” He focused his attention on Y/N, the girl holding eye contact with him. “When a Phoenix rises for the ashes, it is not the same. But in that rebirth, is potential. Potential for a new purpose.” 

Y/N turned her head down to stare at her sandy boots. Hyperawear of Kaz’s lingering eyes on the back of her head.

“Thanks for what Alina has done for us,” Nikolai continued. “We all have a chance to better the world now that the Fold is gone. Above all, you must trust. Trust in each other. In yourselves. Trust in the fact that this is the start of better days to come. And it won’t be easy, of course. Nothing is.” He looked around the group of soldiers and thieves. “I had hoped to end that on a more uplifting note, but here we are.”

The crows all walked away, glancing back at Y/N every-so-often as she stood with her eyes glazed over while she stared at the charred body of General Kirigan.

Alina wrapped her arm around Genya and looked to the other two girls silently asking them to come closer. Zoya stepped first and reached her hand out to Y/N, drawing her into her side. Nikolai watched the four girls with an ache in his chest but a slight smile on his lips before he too followed the rest of the group. Leaving them there to have their final moments alone. 

~

Y/N sat with her hand’s clasped in front of her on her knees. Her eyes were closed as her lips moved in a silent prayer. She prayed for her country and the road ahead of them they’d have to pave. She prayed for her old friends and new found friends. For them to find peace and happiness in every step forward from now on. 

The last of her prayers fell from her lips when she heard soft footsteps down the hall followed by the unmistakeable clicking of her favorite cane. She closed her eyes and bit back her smile when she felt him walk into the small chapel room.

“Lantsov paid up.” Kaz said. “Everyone will get their cut.”

“I didn’t do this for the money, Brekker.” Y/N replied, her eyes still focused on the stained glass portrait of Alina. She sighed when he didn’t say anything. “And Nina?”

“She’ll receive a pardon for deserting and another for her Fjerdan.” The inferni looked back at him, his eyes not meeting her as he updated her. “As long as he stays out of trouble, the charges will be dropped.”

She nodded and faced forward once again, opening her mouth to say something then quickly decided against it and bit her tongue.

“I also…” Kaz cleared his throat. “Wanted to say goodbye.”

Y/N felt her eyes glaze over as she turned to look at him, “I didn’t think you were the sentimental type.” Her smile faded when he didn’t say anything, his eyes avoiding her at all costs. “Who said I wasn’t going back to Ketterdam? I have to say… That city has grown on me.”

“Ravka is your home. You and I both know that you need to stay. Your country still needs you, Y/L/N. They’ll need someone to help lead, not a king, not a sun Saint. They’ll need a strong soldier.”

Y/N turned away from him quickly, blinking back her tears. That was the last thing she hoped to hear. How she still had to keep fighting for her country, for the people who hadn't done much for her in return. She couldn’t go back with the people who had shown her true kindness. Not yet anyway.

She swallowed hard before speaking, “I know this won’t mean much to you… but I pray for him. For the person who you once were. And you.”

“I don’t want your prayers.”

“What do you want then?” 

Kaz stared at her as she looked down at her hand and twisted her fingers together. And all at once, that familiar sense of longing settled in his stomach. What did he want? For her to let go of her morals and values just to come back to Ketterdam with him? For her to be one of his crows or something more? To be able to see her everyday in the normalcy of the Barrel. To have everyday conversations with her. To get to know her better than anyone has ever tried. For her to trust him just as he felt he could trust her. What did he want? Her.

“To die, buried under the weight of my own gold.” His mind screamed at him for lying. For lying to her of all people.

Y/N chuckled humorlessly, “More money. More scores to settle.” With a deep breath she rose to her feet and walked closer to him. Her actions startled him for a split second. “Was there never another dream?” His lack of response caused her to nod and start walking past him. 

The sudden urge to reach out for her washed over Kaz so strongly he finally gave in. His gloved hand clasped around her wrist. “Stay.”

She froze at the feeling of the leather on her skin, the air leaving her lungs in a gasp. 

“Stay in Ketterdam.” He choked out the words. “Stay with…” He couldn’t finish  his thought as she turned around to face him. 

She smiled softly as she looked at their hands “What would be the point?” She moved her hands to hold his one in both of hers. “We both don’t know what we’re getting ourselves into yet, and that’s okay. You’re not ready and… I might not be either.” She let out a sigh. “You have a kingdom of your own back in Ketterdam to run and I have a country to help run. We… We have jobs to do, you said so yourself. But-” She finally brought her eyes up to his and licked her lips in thought as her mind ran over her next words. “But if you’re also willing and the Saints above see it fit… I’ll wait. For you. I’ll be here waiting for you whenever you’re ready. I will have you, Kaz Brekker, when you’re ready. That’s my promise to you.” She smiled one last time up at him before letting go of his hand and walking out of the chapel room.

Kaz continued to stare where she once stood and gave in to the slight quirk of his lips. When he’s ready. That was something he could live with.

~*~*~

taglist:@rachelcarroll1819 @xcharlottemikaelsonx @khaleesihavilliard @simrah1012 @foulkryptonitepeanut @astridyoo15 @queenofshinigamis @peakyispunk @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkershadowsinger @winstonthecow22 @lee-says-things @bunneex @writingmysanity @sleepynightchild @madnessinwrighting @romanticvampire @dark-academia-slut

[seidenbros]

Breaking the Ice - Chapter 1

Pairing: Wylan van Eck x Jesper Fahey Summary: When Hockey star Jesper Fahey is knocked unconscious during a game, he is out for weeks. Once back on the ice, his coach Kaz Brekker teams up with figure skating coach Inej Ghafa to bring him and figure skating talent Wylan van Eck together, because he'd come back from a very bad injury before, and they think these two can learn from each other. What neither of them know is what happened between them a few months back at a Charity Gala. Or, well, nearly happened. Misunderstandings are pretty much inevitable, especially because they don't really talk to each other properly. What is undeniable, though, is the attraction between them. Will they be professional enough to ignore this, or will the sparks between them begin to melt the ice more and more? And of course, there is also Jan van Eck, hockey legend, praised by many, but hardly anybody knows what it really was like for Wylan to grow up in the van Eck mansion - and what his father did to him even after he moved out.

Warning/Tags: POV Jesper Fahey, POV Wylan van Eck, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Figure skating, Hockey Coach Kaz Brekker, injuries, Jan van Eck is the scum of the Earth, sexual content, implied child abuse A/N: HELLO! It's finally time to post this, because I can't keep it to myself anymore. This Hockey/Figure Skating AU has been in my head for a long time, because I love both sports, and I think they fit these two so well. There will be some more explicit content in the later chapters, which you don't have to read, if you don't want. I'll make a note at the beginning of the chapter, and give the parts a different text colour or divide it from the rest of the text some other way. It won't affect the story, and it's not like these are whole chapters, just parts of them. I hope I can stick to my schedule with posting a chapter every Friday, so you know you can expect that. I also hope I managed to explain certain terms when they pop up, so they don't stop the reading flow (though with the jumps in figure skating, I didn't explain them in detail) Special thanks go out to @taylacosplays @shog_draws @shippoutsy and @saskia_s89 (all of them on Instagram) for reading this when I started with the first two chapters and giving me their opinion, because I was so unsure about this. You're the best! So, now, I hope you enjoy 💚

Read on AO3

“Fahey to Helvar, moving past Bukowski, back to Fahey. He shoots… and scooooores! Goal for the Ketterdam Crows!”

“Sharpshooter does it again and scores his second goal of the night.”

“It’s certainly a great start to the season for the Crows.”

“Especially after that crushing end in the playoffs last season.”

“True. But it seems like they did their homework in the off-season.”

“I sure hope so, because I’d love to see a lot more of that.”

The first game of the new season was a huge success for the Ketterdam Crows, who won the game 3:2, with two goals from Jesper Fahey and one from Matthias Helvar. Helvar’s offensive line had the team captain in the centre, Jesper on his left wing and Tolya Yul-Bataar on the right wing. They were a force to be reckoned with. At least they were that now again, but at the end of last season, a lot of their team had played with injuries, and they’d been exhausted - and that had shown. In the third round, they hadn’t even won one game. Jesper had wanted to play despite two broken ribs and the third time he’d gone down, he’d been out for good.

That alone had crushed him, and he’d spent the first part of the off-season far away with lots of alcohol until his coach, Kaz Brekker, had personally dragged him back home. Oh, he’d gotten the lecture of a lifetime when Kaz had set him straight and told him that he’d been drinking too much, and the time for wallowing in self-pity was over. Jesper had needed that, because he knew that he could get distracted from what was really important quickly, and hockey was important to him. As were the people on his team, and so he’d been back for the first training session, even if he’d been a little hungover. Kaz hadn’t said anything to him then, and the game today had shown that they were all taking the game seriously. They were paid a lot of money, that much was true, but it was something they loved, something they wanted to excel in.

With the first game out of the way - and a successful one at that - they were all in a good mood to take part in the Charity Gala the following day. It was a big event that was held once a year at the beginning of autumn, and Jesper had been looking forward to it ever since he’d gotten his ticket. The tickets were expensive of course, but that was only because that was one way of gathering money for charity. Another way was an auction that took place in the evening after the dinner itself. The Crows were contributing a training session with the whole team as well as being on the bench for the next home game. Jesper quite liked that, because it was always nice to see some happy people who really enjoyed that.

Jesper opted for a dark blue suit for the night, a black button down, topped off with a tie in the same colour as the suit - Nina his physiotherapist had chosen that one for him, because to an event like this, he couldn’t go without a matching tie. He wasn’t a big fan of them, but he had to admit that they completed the look. Once it got later and the official part was over, he was sure that it wouldn’t be a problem if he either took the tie off or at least loosened it. Before that, he’d have to talk to a couple of people, smile for the camera, and enjoy a five course dinner menu that he was really looking forward to.

“I’m on my way downstairs,” Jesper said into his phone the moment he picked it up. Kaz had put Matthias up to picking Jesper up for this, so he wouldn’t be late. It was just a safety measure, but it had still made Jesper roll his eyes.

“Alright. You’re sitting in the back, Nina’s already with me.”

“Woah woah woah hold on.” Jesper stopped in his tracks, reaching for his wallet. He took one last look in the mirror and grinned at himself before grabbing the keys. “Our Nina?”

Nina Zenik, physiotherapist not only for Jesper but for a couple of guys on the team. Jesper liked her a lot, and not only because she was good at her job. She didn’t back down from anyone and handled the locker room talk without a problem. Hell, she even managed to get the guys to blush with the way she talked, and Jesper loved to see it. The two of them were able to talk about pretty much everything, even stuff that had nothing to do with hockey. He’d known that Matthias hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her for a while, so he was glad that he’d finally asked her out.

“I told you that I’d bring a date.”

“Mhm, could have just mentioned who your date was.”

Jesper hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. After making sure that he had everything he needed, he headed out the door and took the elevator down. Matthias’s car was waiting right outside the apartment building where he lived, so he could get inside immediately.

“Hello gorgeous, nice to see you here,” Jesper said with a grin from the backseat as he reached his hand out to the front to squeeze Nina’s shoulder gently.

“I see you stuck with the tie I chose for you,” she said as she turned around to him with a smile on her lips. She really did look absolutely stunning in a red dress that hugged her curves and matched the colour of her lips. She was stunning, and Jesper really hoped she wouldn’t eat Matthias up and spit him out when she was done with him. He may be a big, buff guy, who could throw a punch and had the hardest and fastest slapshot in the league, but Jesper knew how fragile his heart was, and that it took him some time to open up. The fact that Matthias was taking Nina out, and to an event where everyone would see them together nonetheless, really had some meaning.

When they got to the location, Matthias’s car was parked for him. Sometimes, this still felt strange, but at an event like this, it was part of the whole experience. Jesper looked up at the tall building and took a deep breath before he followed the other two inside. In the entrance hall, there were already some decorations as well as guideposts. He knew that the Charity Gala was held at the top floor of the building. He’d been there once, so he knew that they’d have a beautiful view over the city and the harbour, though Jesper was rather sure that there was more than enough to catch his attention and keep him from going to the window front to stare outside.

Once they stepped out of the elevator at the top, they were greeted with a glass of champagne each, before they were shown the seating plan. It was kind of interesting to read all the names, figure out who else was here, and especially who they would be sharing a table with.

The name van Eck made his eyes widen slightly. Jan van Eck was a hockey legend, and as a child, Jesper had been looking up to the man, as had a lot of other players. Most of them probably still did, but not Jesper. After he’d met him once a couple of years ago, when he’d just started playing for the Crows, he’d been so arrogant and condescending, and he’d told Jesper that he didn’t think he had it in him to play in the big league. Well, being here and being a very valuable player for his team, proved that man wrong. It would be very satisfying to be sitting at the same table as him. There was also his son, Wylan van Eck, who was a talent on skates as well, but not in hockey gear. No, Wylan was making money as an extremely good figure skater. Jesper had seen him practising once, not so long ago. He’d spent quite some time in the fitness room at the rink and everyone else had already left. He’d needed this to clear his head, and after a long, hot shower, he’d wanted to head out, when he’d heard music coming from the rink. Curious, as he always was, he’d gone over there and had seen Wylan van Eck on the ice, skating, or more like dancing to the music. Even without seeing his face straight away, he’d known that it had been him. Wylan van Eck had a very distinct way of moving, pure elegance wrapped up in one person. It always looked so effortless when he moved over the ice, as if he was flying. The only thing that had destroyed that idea, had been the swish swish of his skates on the ice. Jesper had watched him, completely enthralled, until Wylan had spotted him. He’d stumbled a little, but hadn’t fallen, and Jesper, feeling responsible for that, had quickly turned around and left the building. He’d felt like he shouldn’t have seen any of that, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Well, tonight he’d get the chance to talk to him for the first time. He just had to watch out that he didn’t stare at him, because Wylan was beautiful, almost had something ethereal to him. But that might still be better than doing or saying something stupid, which could always happen with Jesper. He’d try to behave tonight.

The food was incredible and the live music accompanying the dinner fit rather well. Not that he’d listen to piano versions of songs in his free time, but it fit the atmosphere here, and anything louder would definitely be too much. After all, there were conversations at the table as well, and Jesper tried to follow them, though he had to admit that it was difficult to listen to anyone else when Jan van Eck overpowered everyone with his voice. That man really thought he was the most interesting person anyone could ever meet, and it was annoying to say the least.

His eyes landed on his son, who didn’t look up to his father or even listened. In fact, when his voice got too loud or he laughed unexpectedly, Wylan winced or rolled his eyes. It wasn’t obvious to everyone, but Jesper paid close attention - despite telling himself beforehand that he wouldn’t. Wylan was way too fascinating to not look at him, and when their eyes met, Jesper couldn’t help but smile, no matter that Wylan quickly averted his gaze again and looked down at his plate to concentrate on his food.

“Hm?” he asked as he turned to Matthias who had just said something to him, but Jesper had been too preoccupied with the man  across from him.

“I asked what you were looking at.”

“Nothing in particular.” Oh, he’d definitely not tell Matthias that he’d been watching van Eck’s offspring, because he might never hear the end of it.

“Mhm, sure.” Maybe, Matthias didn’t believe him, but at least, he didn’t pester him with any more questions. Nina may have had something to do with this when she reached for his hand and cradled it in her own, beaming up at him.

Jesper finished off the last bits on his plate, before he looked over at Wylan again. It had gotten a bit quiet at their table, because van Eck was talking to his son, making sure that nobody could overhear them. There was something in Wylan’s eyes that made him wonder what this was about, but it certainly wasn’t a friendly conversation. That proved to be true, when Wylan got up a little too quickly, his chair almost falling backwards.

“If you’ll excuse me for a moment,” Wylan said to the people at the table, a polite smile on his lips as he showed them his empty glass. Jesper figured that he’d need something a little stronger than the champagne they were serving here.

Jesper kept an eye on him, while pretty much everyone else at their table hung on Jan van Eck’s lips again - except for Matthias and Nina who were deep in conversation by now. Just like he’d expected, Wylan ventured to the bar, but he didn’t just get a drink, he got comfortable on one of the barstools. Without rethinking this, Jesper got up, excused himself, and followed him. There was enough room at the bar, and they only had dessert left, which would take a moment to be brought out, considering that most people were still eating.

Jesper stepped up next to where Wylan was sitting and placed his elbows on the bar. While he saw Wylan turn his head towards him in the corner of his eye, he kept his eyes on the bartender, who walked his way as soon as Jesper smiled at him.

“What can I get you?”

“A Spellbound for me, please, and one for him as well.” Jesper nodded towards Wylan with a grin, and the bartender just nodded and got to work.

“I… already have a drink,” Wylan said a little confused, turning more towards Jesper, who was now turning to face him as well, leaning with his hip against the bar.

“I know, but I think you’ll really like this one. And I think you might need it.”

“What makes you say that?” He got a little defensive, his back straightening and Jesper could see that he was wearing suspenders beneath that nice black jacket he was donning. Interesting.

“Saw the way you were looking at your Dad, so… you might need more than one drink.” Jesper shrugged his shoulders, knowing that he’d just implied that he knew who Wylan was. It wasn’t a secret after all. The lopsided smile he got from Wylan in turn definitely had its effect on him, drew him in even more, and instinctively, he inched a little closer.

“Very observant, and also very, very right.” Wylan downed the drink that had just been put in front of him, making Jesper widen his eyes.

“That bad, huh?” Jesper raised his eyebrow, but there was still the hint of a smile on his lips.

“You have no idea. But I’d rather not spend time talking about my father here.”

“Yeah, I can think of better things to talk about than him.” Rolling his eyes, Jesper cast a quick look in the direction of their table, before he focused on Wylan again. “I’m Jesper by the way.”

“Oh, I know.” Wylan smiled at him and it lit up his whole face, now that they weren’t focusing on his father anymore.

“Do you now?” Jesper let his eyes roam over his body, starting with the shoes that went perfectly with his black suit, over his legs and his waist up over his chest and the bowtie that perfected the look until he reached his lips, lingering there a moment too long, before their eyes met again. Wylan’s were framed by long lashes that would make anyone jealous.

“I mean… of course. I know who plays hockey here.” The way Wylan’s cheeks started gaining colour betrayed how nonchalant he wanted to be.

“Aww and here I thought you may have looked me up.”

“Maybe I did.”

“Now, it’s getting interesting.” Jesper took another step closer, but then the barkeeper brought their drinks and Jesper quickly paid for them. He handed one of the drinks to Wylan and held up his own glass. “I hope you’ll like it, but it’s really good.”

“And the colour goes well with your suit,” Wylan observed, making Jesper laugh out loud at that. It was so random in a way, so refreshing, that it was amusing in the best way.

“Yeah, you got a point there. Cheers.”

“Cheers and thank you.” Wylan took the first sip of the drink, humming happily at the taste. “Oh yes, this really is amazing. You have great taste.”

“And not just in drinks.” Jesper winked at him, before he hid his smile behind the glass while taking another sip. It was wonderful to watch Wylan’s reaction to everything he said and did. It only spurred him on to get to know him even better, maybe tease him a little more.

“Is that so?” Wylan asked, sizing Jesper up, and he had to admit that he straightened a little under his gaze, put out one leg and pushed his free hand into his pocket. He hadn’t expected Wylan to say something like this, and he quite liked this duality he was showing. For a moment, he cursed the dress code here, because he’d usually have a few buttons at the top undone and the tie in his pocket, so Wylan would have at least something to look at, but it seemed like he was rather interested in what he was seeing as it was.

“Mhm, maybe I can prove that to you somehow.” Some motion at their table caught his attention again, and he looked over. They were motioning for them to come back, since dessert was being served, even though some people had just now finished the previous course.

“This is too pretty and good to down, no matter what my father will say when I come to the table with anything but champagne or whiskey.” Wylan rolled his eyes and hopped down from the barstool, his glass still in hand.

“Does he ever shut up? I feel like he loves hearing himself talk.” Jesper pulled his hand from his pocket and put it on the small of Wylan’s back to slowly guide him to their table again.

“Oh, you have no idea.” Wylan shook his head just slightly, but put a smile on his lips again as they kept walking.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t listen to him anymore, so I hope the dinner is over soon, so we can leave the table again. If you need saving from them, just let me know.”

“Thanks. That’s very kind of you.”

“And save me a dance later, will you?” Jesper had to shoot his shot right now and hope for a positive reaction, because he still wanted to get to know him a little better. And he’d get him away from his obnoxious father.

“I will,” Wylan said with a smile in Jesper’s direction, before he had to move around the table to get to his chair. It was fascinating and a little concerning how Jesper could immediately see the change in Wylan’s face as soon as he was close to his father.

But that dance never happened, because Wylan left the table after dessert and another drink. Jesper could see his father holding onto his wrist tightly, trying to keep him in place, but Wylan said something to him and ripped his wrist from his grip, before he got up and swiftly made his way out of the room.

Jesper didn’t hesitate a second. He got up and didn’t even say goodbye to Matthias and Nina - who were pretty much occupied with each other anyway, so he doubted that they realised that he was leaving, or maybe just thought that he got up to get some fresh air or something of the like. Good for him and good for them, because it showed just how well they were getting along.

On his way out, Jesper managed to grab a bottle of champagne while nobody was looking. It wasn’t exactly like he was stealing it, since the champagne was free, part of the menu they’d paid for, but some people would probably not be that happy if they saw him leaving with the bottle.

Once outside the ballroom and in the hall, he saw Wylan step into the elevator. Jesper had to jog over there to catch the closing doors so they opened again for him. Wylan was leaning against the wall on the other side, but immediately looked up when the doors opened again. With a smile on his lips, Jesper stepped inside and held up the bottle.

“Couldn’t let you dash off all by yourself.”

[frost-queen]

Feels like Insomnia (Grisha!Reader x Kaz Brekker)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly, @denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko​, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco @idkwhatmyusernameis,  @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr, @swampthing07

Kaz limped with the use of his cane towards the booth. Sliding in the seat near Jesper. His eyes falling on the empty seat beside Inej. – “Where is Y/n?” – he asked with a cold expression. Inej pulled her shoulders up. Kaz’s head shot sharply over to Jesper who held his hands up, unknowingly. Kaz inhaling sharply through his mouth. – “So none of you know the whereabouts of Y/n?” – he asked once more. Inej and Jesper shaking their head. His grip around the crows’s head tightened, knuckles turning white underneath his gloves. 

He thought he had made himself clear. Meet up at the pub and make sure no one followed you. Kaz heard the door open, making him move his body to the center, looking who entered. His hopes shattering as it was only Wylan. With a sour expression stared he in front of him. Wylan hesitantly approaching. Swallowing nervously at how displeased Kaz looked. He came sitting beside Inej, sharing a brief glance with Jesper. Jesper shaking his head to not get into it. Kaz’s mood was off limits to be spoken about. 

“Maybe… maybe she’ll come…” – Inej said to sooth his tormented soul. Kaz grunted silently, staring lost in front of him. Freaking Wylan out a bit. – “Wha… what was the reason of meeting?” – he asked nervously, rubbing his palms together under the table. Kaz clenching his jaw, feeling his anger increase by the seconds. Jesper cleared his throat, making known to Wylan to not engage. To remain silent until Kaz spoke.

Kaz kept staring at the door in wait of you. Jesper and Wylan communicating with subtle gestures and eye movement. Inej looking out of the window for any sign of you. He felt like going insane the longer you kept them waiting. Finally he had come to his breaking point. – “Inej!” – he snapped, looking sharply her way. Inej looked away from the window to him. 

“Go find Y/n. Now!” – he made clear. Inej nodded as Wylan got up. Inej swiftly got out of the booth, leaving the black veil. – “So…” – Jesper said to cut through the silence. Looking away when receiving a cold glare from his boss. Infuriated that you weren’t showing up. His grip tensed around the crow’s head. 

Thinking for a split second if anything could’ve happened with you? No that would be impossible. You could fend for yourself. You were a heartrender after all. Not so easily struck down. Taking a deep breath, his heart was going crazy. Not having you around made him lose his mind for some reason. The feeling of an empty house deep in his heart.

Inej moved through the shadows as quiet as she could. Taking the route back till the crows club that you always took. Inej knew you well enough to know what route you always took, hoping to encounter you on her way. Furrowing her brows, she was baffled to have not come across you already. At the crows club, she decided to head inside, just in case. – “Y/n!” – she called out confused seeing you casually sit down, checking out your nails. 

You blew on your nails, looking up to her. – “Inej! Is the gathering over already?” – you asked casually. Inej frowned approaching you. – “It hasn’t even started yet.” – she made clear. – “We are waiting for you!” – her eyes narrowing on you. – “Oh…” – you responded quietly. Inej slowly crossed her arms. – “What I am wondering is why you aren’t there.” – you took a deep breath, changing your position. – “I didn’t feel like coming.” – you told her. Inej grabbing you tightly by your shoulder, pushing you back in your chair. 

“What game are you playing?” – she hissed out with a glare. – “Kaz is expecting you!” – she pressed her nails deeper into your skin, making you squint in pain. Her eyes narrowing at you. – “Are you double crossing us?” – she questioned, the option crossing her mind. – “Never!” – you spitted at her, pushing her hand firmly off you. Inej stumbled back, grabbing a hold of you once more. This time by your clothing, her fists close to your chin. – “Then what game are you playing? Kaz is trusting on you, yet you decided to not show and simply sit here, checking out your nails.”

Getting worked up you struggled for release. Inej wasn’t letting go as you hated having to use your abilities on her, but if she continued like this, she would leave you no choice. – “I’m not playing any games!” – you shouted at her. Inej pulling out her knife, holding it against your throat. – “I need the truth Y/n. Now! Kaz isn’t one to be tested and neither am I!” – you felt the cold blade against your skin, making you swallow carefully. Her heart beat a steady drum in your ears.

“Did you find someone else to do their bidding?” – she asked coldly, infuriating you. – “I am not easily tempted by some coins!” – you told her loudly. – “I am loyal to the crows!” – you gave her a kick against her stomach. Inej stumbled backwards, the pressure of her knife released off you. You got up, reaching for your throat out of breath. – “Then why?” – she asked seeing you turn your head away. – “Because…” – you started, sighing deep afterwards. 

How could you tell her it was actually just Kaz you were avoiding. Lately it felt like your heart was colliding with his. Heart racing around him. Unable to fall asleep, mind tormented with his presence. Insomnia and he was the cause for it. A fool to catch feelings for someone like Kaz Brekker. Dirty hands. The boy of the Barrel. It was getting too deep, and you couldn’t see a way out of it. It would only create more trouble then anything else. Clarity clouded by love, rational thoughts fading to the back of the mind if the slightest worry would cross the mind.

Inej was still waiting for an answer, staring at you. You exhaled deep, lowering your gaze. – “Tell Kaz…” – you started suddenly cut off by a familiar tapping on the flooring. – “Tell Kaz what?” – you gasped, head jerking up at his voice. – “So here is where you have been hiding.” – Jesper chuckled out, leaning against the bar. Wylan swallowing nervously, looking over at Jesper. The loud beating of Kaz’s heart reached your ears. Making itself aware to you. 

His fierce gaze staring right through your soul. – “Were you ever going to show up?” – Jesper asked with furrowed brows. Your own heartbeat was making your ears ring. If one would look closely, they might see it beat against your ribs. – “Y/n had no interest into coming.” – Inej said, stepping back to Jesper and Wylan. Kaz tightened his jaw. – “My office. Now!” – he made clear, startling you. 

You slowly turned around, heading up the stairs. Kaz throwing a warningly glare at the crows before following behind you. Exhaling long in shudders, you entered his office. Moving over to his desk. Kaz shut the door loudly behind him. Removing his coat and hat. You staggered back against his desk when he approached you intimidatingly. Body crashing hard against his desk, gripping for the edge. Breath caught in your throat.

Kaz drawing nearer, setting his hands loudly around your body on his desk. Looking away, you couldn’t deny the speed of his heartbeat. How the steady beat spiked up. His breathing heavier near you. His gaze staring fiercely at you. It made you look away, afraid to feel what it might do to your heart if your gaze collided with his. – “Look at me! I want you to look at my face, Y/n!” – he said coldly. 

His stern voice pulling your eyes up like a magnet drawn to his. Staring intensely back. Something wild hiding in his eyes. The beating of your own heart spiking up till you no longer could distinguish yours from his. A heartbeat in sync. Pumping with passion. A warmness spreading in your chest up till your cheeks, flustering you. Kaz lowered his gaze briefly, closing his eyes on you. – “Did you find someone else?” – he asked. – “Did someone offer you a deal?” – he wanted to know. 

You shook your head, staring yearningly at his lips. Wetting yours. He brought his gaze up to you once more. – “Why are you avoiding me?” – he questioned loudly, moving his head closer to you. You wanted to look away again, when he wouldn’t allow you. A subtle movement of him, keeping you in place. Your knees went weak from the way he was staring at you. Intense and grasping you by the throat. – “I…I’m…” – you started looking down at his lips again.

Kaz caught eye of it lowering his gaze to your lips as well. Slightly parting his lips. – “I’m not doing it on purpose…” – you answered, mesmerized by his lips, wondering what they felt like on yours. Kaz moved his upper body closer, tilting his head a bit to the side. – “I know you want to kiss me, so kiss me.” – he told you. For a split second it was deadly silent in your ear. 

A thunder of a heartbeat drumming in your ear then. You sucked in a breath, grabbing him by his vest, mouth open as your nose pressed beside his. Inhaling his breath, anticipating the actual touch. Kaz was panting loudly in your mouth, his heart nearly falling out of his chest. Swaying your body against his, you couldn’t control yourself any longer. 

Inhaling sharply through your nose, you closed your mouth onto his. Kissing him fiercely. Kaz kissing you passionately back, feeling his body overheat. Kaz gasped loud for air, nose pressed against your cheek. – “You’re mine!” – he breathed out. Kissing you again. – “I am…” – you responded panting.

------------------------------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!    

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Tapping, Pacing, Waiting

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: They're breaking into one of the most technologically advanced places in the world, it's going to take time. And food, Matthias reminds himself. Warnings: Mentions of criminal acts, hacking, and mentions of grooming/child abuse Word Count: 3,913 Ship(s): Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik/Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa/Wylan Van Eck/Jesper Fahey

Archive link!

A/N: Okay, so I'm a certified Information Technology professional with a CompTIA Security+ certification, but no experience (yet). I wrote this a little after finishing up my internship because I thought that it would be super fun to explore what the Crows would look like as an accurate depiction of hackers. I didn't do any of the movie tropes and tried to find jobs that would fit them while also fitting with our modern technology. I know that this fic is extremely self indulgent, but I just couldn't help myself! I hope you all enjoy, lol. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

As a child, Matthias Helvar’s home had always been quiet.

He had been raised in a cabin in the back of the woods, separated but not completely cut off from the town. He had no television or computers, no technology other than the single corded phone that hung from the wall outside of his kitchen and the radio that his parents used to get their news on Sunday evenings. The greatest amount of sound in his house had been when Trassel or Mila was getting a bath, and even then it only lasted for about half an hour before it died down. The loudest that he remembered his childhood home being was when he had lost them all, when his entire home had gone up in flames.

The boarding school that his distant aunt had sent him to after he had been placed in her custody was quiet as well. The other boys would make noise when they were in the common room, but Matthias got easily overwhelmed by them and spent most of his time sequestered off in the library instead. He had gotten used the noise slowly over time, but the formative years that he had spent away from his classmates meant that the only person he really connected with was the head of his dormitory. 

Jarl Brum had been a man that kept his home very quiet as well. After Matthias had graduated, he had been asked to move in with Brum and their relationship had progressed from there. It had been inappropriate since the first time that Matthias had been called into his office, but he hadn’t realized it back then. He had been too busy searching for something to quiet the loudness of his mind and the outside world around him. The house had been quiet in a pregnant kind of way, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The psych ward where he had met Nina Zenik was quiet but loud. It was quiet because not many of the people were really up to shouting or laughing or joking with each other the way that his peers had been at boarding school. It was loud because many of them cried themselves to sleep, or were talking quietly with therapists, or their thoughts were so loud that it seemed to leak out of them and into the air. Nina had been one of those people, struggling with her addiction to heroine and her battle with anxiety.

The home that they had made together afterwards was not quiet, but Matthias liked it that way. A Nina that was healthy was not quiet by habit and he liked it when she was loud. She would sing, whistle, and (somehow) hum off key when she was working. She would type as loudly as she could when she was working at her computer. She kept the central heating on at all times because she hated being cold, especially when she was putting on the weight she had lost while battling her addiction.

They added to the noise together, which was another thing that Matthias adored. He had met Inej Ghafa, a women that was so quiet that she was silent, at a support group for people that had been sexually abused as children and teenagers. They had gotten on like a house on fire and quickly integrated their friend groups together. While Inej was quiet, the boys that she brought with her were not.

Kaz Brekker was loud in a way that he didn’t seem to realize. His presence was a big, buzzing mess of emotion that made everyone look to him when he walked into a room and pay attention when he had something to say. He cane was loud when it tapped on the ground while he made their way around their home. He also spoke under his breath when he was working and creaked his gloves whenever he wore them. Jesper Fahey was just as loud as Nina was. He sang with her while they baked monstrosities they had found on the internet together in Matthias’ kitchen. He would laugh too loudly and too long at jokes but made everyone smile when he did. He snored when he slept, so loud that it felt like he was testing the structural integrity of their apartment.

They moved in together and Matthias was sure that he would never know another person that liked silence as much as he and Inej did. Then Jesper had gotten a boyfriend, and the balance of the quiet-to-loud ratio was restored in their home. Wylan Van Eck was quiet too, almost too quiet. He moved like he was afraid of noise instead of just not fond of causing it the way that Matthias and Inej were. He jumped at loud, sudden noises and whimpered when one of them talked too loud. He never spoke above a whisper, until they had coaxed him into an outburst that had Kaz muttering and the rest of them cheering.

The noises that plagued his home in the current moment were familiar to him, comforting in a way that he could barely describe. He could hear the AC unit that Nina had mounted in the office to the window blowing through their home despite the fully functioning HVAC that they had. He could hear the sound of paws scrabbling on the hardwood floors as Fergus, Matthias and Jesper’s massive greyhound, chasing after Bisha, Nina’s cat. He could hear the sound of the server whirling away in the basement, in that secret room that Kaz had crafted with Wylan a week after he moved in. His favorite sound, the one that made his heart melt in his chest, was the sound of Inej and Nina talking about their favorite show together in the living room.

He walked into the hallway and scooped up the unfortunate kitten that was being terrorized by an overexcited, confused puppy. “Come, kat,” he hummed as he pecked her on the top of her soft head.

They made their way from the hall to the living room, where Matthias paused to watch the scene in front of him. Nina was spread out over the couch, she was wearing a button down shirt that very obviously belonged to Jesper because the sleeves were rolled at the bottom had been tied so that it actually fit around her torso without giving the appearance of a dress. The spread of her billowy red and purple skirt made her look like she was drowning in the fabric, but it also gave just enough allure of her body to make Matthias hunger for her. 

Next to her, Inej was perched on one of the chairs. She was scrolling on the burner phone that they were using for their most recent job. He knew that it was already in what the others called “Cracked Mode” because of something that Jesper had done when they had all started working together. Matthias struggled to even change the settings on his keyboard, so he didn’t know what they really did to it other than giving themselves more things to change and use. 

He couldn’t hear what they were talking about but he could guess that it was something semi-serious. Nina’s face was mostly hidden by the glare of the big picture window behind her, though he could tell that she was being serious based on the way that she was twisting a strand of her hair around her finger over and over again.

Bisha was very discontent that they had stopped when she could see her favorite person. She turned towards Matthias and gave an angry mewl before she sunk her tiny, sharp teeth into the flesh of his hand. He gave a grunt of pain before he said, “Alright, message recieved.”

“It’s my favorite baby!” Nina squeeled when she saw what he was doing. She sat up and then took the cat from him with the practiced elegance that only she seemed to be able to put into everything that she did. He knew that was how she snuck into offices she didn’t belong in and talked her way into being invited to galas on the regular.

“I brought her to you, saved her from the bullies,” Matthias explained. He finished crossing over the floor of the living room and then set the cat down on Nina’s stomach. That was exactly what Bisha had wanted, melting into the loafed position while purring loud enough to put the servers to shame. He then turned to Inej and gave her a kiss on the side of her head, something intimate enough to let her know that he loved her without risking triggering her if she was really in her mind.

He wasn’t offended or upset when he didn’t get a response from her. He didn’t even feel hurt when she jerked the phone away from him so taht all he was able to see was a black and blue screen with a number of different graphs over it. He knew that she was working on something and they would tell him about it in language that he wouldn’t really understand when they were finished. 

Matthias’ internal clock was letting him know that he had to return to the kitchen soon, and he didn’t want to interrupt their work any more than he already had, so he got ready to go. “Hey love,” Inej called for him as soon as he had made it to the doorway.

“Yes?” he asked, turning back to her.

“When did you say that the day off for the Ice Court was, again?” she asked.

It was hard for him to think back to that time in his life. He had only recently opened up to the rest of his partners about the things that he had suffered at the hands of the Chief Security Officer of that company. He knew that he was the entire reason that they had chosen to go after them, Kaz never did anything just for fun. He had information that would help them get deeper into the company without having to send Nina after specific people just yet. He wanted to keep her safe and make sure that she was in as little danger as possible, but it was so hard to bring up those memories.

“The standard day off is Sunday, so that the CEO can spend the whole day in church,” he explained. “It is possible that they have changed it or they have a rotating schedule though, but that is when traffic is going to be the least busy. Many of the employees and all of the upper levels are very religious.”

Inej reached out, leaning over the chair in a way that made it look like she was going to topple down into the floor. Matthias knew that she wouldn’t, he had never seen Inej fall, but it still sent a burst of worried adrenaline through his body to see her like that. She hooked her hand underneath his big fingers and then pulled his knuckles to her lips. “It’s going to be okay, I promise,” she whispered.

“I know,” he nodded. “If you have more questions, I’m going to be finishing dinner in the kitchen.”

“Dinner?” Nina squawked as she jerked on the couch. Bisha let out a discontented mew and moved so that she could dig her claws into her owner’s flesh more effectively. Nina gave out a little pained noise and squirmed away, but eventually settled so that she was holding her cat against her body with her arms while sitting up.

“I’m cooking something that has to sit for a long time,” he explained. “I know that it is early for us to be eating, but I’m hoping that the carrots will be just right by six.”

Nina let out a little huffy noise and brushed her skirt down so that Inej could sit next to her on the couch. “I’m fine eating our evening meal whenever, but Kaz is so routine oriented.”

“Wylan is too, don’t blame this entirely on my husband,” Inej laughed. 

“I heard my name,” Wylan said as he came in the front door of their apartment. He had another package wrapped in brown paper with about a thousand stamps and addresses on it. Matthias hadn’t even realized that the second quietest of his partners had slipped out of their apartment again, but he supposed that it made sense. Wylan was building another one of their massive PCs after the previous one that been crushed in an accident during theri last mission. They had a series of PO boxes opened under fake names around the city that they ordered the parts through so that no one could tell what was coming to their apartment, but they had to visit them at random times and days to complete the illusion.

“We’re just talking about you being routine oriented, though you’re kind of defeating my point right now,” she said as she gestured to the box in his hand.

“I am routine oriented!” Wylan almost looked offended as he slipped his shoes off to place them into the shoe rack. “Work time is from nine to five, except on the weekends when I can let myself do work in the middle of the night for the servers. Just because I don’t have to go through the same motions at the same time every day doesn’t mean that I’m not worse than Kaz.”

“Mental illness is not a competition,” Matthias reminded him gently. He decided that dinner could wait to be prepared for a little while longer since Jesper prefered his carrots closer to raw than cooked anyway. He walked over and took the package from his boyfriend, leaning down the foot between them so that he could steal a kiss. “What is this?”

“A bunch of GPUs,” Wylan replied with a mad grin. “Come, come, you can help me install them!”

A flash of adrenaline and panic flooded through him as his mouth turned downwards into a frown. “I don’t think that is such a good idea, Wy,” he replied.

The other man was too excited to listen to him properly and so began to lead him through the house by his elbow. Matthias had only just enough time to look back towards his girls, pleading for them to come and save him with his eyes. Nina gave a dramatic wave and then pressed her hand to send him a kiss but did nothing to help him. Inej was already absorbed back in her phone.

They made their way to the hall, where they opened up the linen closet. Wylan slid one of the towels to the side and then pressed his thumb down onto a fingerprint scanner that was hidden behind them. There was a soft pop and then the shelves slipped into their secret compartment so that another door was revealed to them. He threw open the door that led into the hidden lower floors of their house with a dramatic bow and allowed the taller to step through first.

Matthias had always thought that the lengths that Kaz went to so that he could hide the real work that they did was overdramatic, but his boyfriend was nothing if not theatrical. There were two staircases and two downstairs areas. One of them was a partially finished celler where Inej stored all of the preserves and dry goods that she made sure they stocked up on. The other was the room that they were descending into now, well-ventilated floors and walls that were painted a boring color of white and pocked with marks from where screws and other computer bits had ended up in them. There was a main office space where the PCs that Wylan had built were stacked up on the desks that the others used. The room that they were going to was Wylan’s workshop, which was right next to the room that held their massive server rack.

“Welcome home,” Kaz rasped where he was bent over his computer again. Matthias wasn’t able to see anything because of the privacy screen, which combined with the illusion of a dead power button allowed him to fake that he wasn’t doing anything. 

“I’m going to be making roast for dinner,” Matthias said softly as he leaned down so that he was close to Kaz, his face tilted for a perfect kiss position. He knew what the other man’s touch-tolerance had been by the whiteboard that they had upstairs, but Kaz hadn’t touched it since that morning so quite a bit could have changed.

His stomach turned to honey as the other met his lips in a brief kiss and then returned to his work. Matthias stood back up and then crossed through the office so that he could get to his other boyfriend’s workshop. Wylan had a half dozen towers open and their parts strewn about on his magnetic whiteboard and their respective anti-static pad.

The red-haired man was practically bouncing off the walls as he walked to the other side of the table in the center of the room and then tapped on it, “Bring it here!”

Ever the diligent house husband, Matthias did as he was asked. He walked over and then set down the heavy package. As soon as the paper had hit the table, Wylan had his box cutter out and was beginning to slash his way through the packaging without once damaging the parts inside. “What are you going to use these for?” Matthias asked as he watched with rapt attention.

He hadn’t grown up with technology and was particularly inept at it, but he had somehow managed to fall in love with people that were so good at it that they could outrun trained security professionals and it was fascinating to watch them as they worked.

“I’m going to use them for something really cool, I promise,” Wylan replied cryptically.

Matthias was unconvinced. He kept his arms folded as he leaned down on the workbench so that he could continue to watch Wylan no matter where he was in the room, “Does this something ‘really cool’ have anything to do with opening up the GPUs and then selling them online?”

“This time? No,” Wylan replied. “I’m going to be building some very powerful PCs so that we can do more rendering of the Crow that we use when we infect systems with ransomware. Inej said that she needed something better to look at and I can’t draw on nothing,” he explained. 

The box had been properly opened to reveal a set of ten of the objects that Wylan had been talking about. He plucked the first one from the top of the stack and then set it lovingly down next to the anti-static mat that he had been working on earlier that morning. He tucked the rest of them into the special cage that he kept his spare parts in. “Do you want to keep hanging out with me or do you have something to do? I remember you saying something about that when we were upstairs but I can’t recall what it was exactly.”

If Matthias could make sure that Wylan was blushing all the time then he would. The other boy flushed over his cheeks and his ears, all the way down his neck and onto his chest when he was particularly embarassed. Matthias had never seen anything more handsome and adorable in his entire life, especially in the summer when it brought out the freckles dotting the corners of hie eyes. He was clearly embarassed now because he had gotten too excited and hadn’t listened like he had promised to.

Communication had been something that they struggled with not only as a team, but as a polycule. They had promised that they would actually talk to each other instead of just doing things almost a month after they had formed their entire relationship properly. 

“This isn’t something you have to be worried about, love,” Matthias murmured. He walked around the table and then pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I like that you are excited and let myself be bullied into coming down here with you.”

From the other room, Jesper poked his head in. Based on the angle that he was at, he was sitting on the wheeled chair that they had at his desk. He also had a giant beanbag that he used at times and one of the fidget stools when he was having a particularly hard day. “Hi,” he smiled.

“Hi,” Wylan replied, the grin impossibly stretched over his charming features.

“If you need someone to keep you company, I can do that, Wy,” he grinned.

“Have you finished your virus, Jesper?” Kaz’s gruff voice asked from where he was still hunched behind his computer.

“I’ll get to it when I get to it,” he grumbled in reply. “You can’t rush art.”

Their boyfriend grabbed his cane as he pushed himself to his feet. He walked over to them so that Jesper had to tilt to the other side, giving them a good view of the rippling muscles of his back underneath the fabric of his tank top. Kaz reached down and brushed his gloved hands, always gloved when they were working, over his lover’s face. “I can when Nina and Inej have been war driving past the Ice Court for almost a week. They’re going to get caught if you don’t hurry up so that you have the virus ready for deployment when they get this month’s pattern.”

“I hate it when you’re nice to me and talking about work,” Jesper growled as he leaned further into the touch, eager to be loved even if he was complaining.

Kaz let out a small sigh. “If you promise to actually work then you can sit in Wylan’s workshop while he builds the computers we need for the next phase of the job. If I hear kissing for longer than thirty seconds then you’re both going in time out,” he stated.

“Thank you, baby,” Jesper grinned. His lanky arms stretched out for just long enough to wrap around Kaz’s hips while they kissed, giving the disabled man a bit of extra stability while he bent over.

The sound of wheels on the ground echoed through their space, temporarily mixing with the AC unit and the whir of fans cooling off computer parts. Matthias had just barely stepped into the doorway when Jesper appeared there with the laptop he was working with clutched in his hands. “Hey handsome,” he grinned.

“I have to go make dinner, you cannot distract me again,” he replied strictly. He leaned down and gave Jesper another kiss regardless. They swapped places and Matthias headed up towards the kitchen so that he could get his work done. He wasn’t a computer whiz, he barely knew anything about electronics, but he did know things about people. He could feed his partners, his family, and make sure that they did preventative maintenance on themselves as well. Just the thought of their needs made him remind himself to get the rice bag out from the cupboard so that Kaz could use it when he eventually stopped working. 

They were doing something wonderful for him by taking down the company that his abuser still worked for, and he would repay them by loving them and supporting them with every fiber of his being.

[not-a-big-slay]

Us and the night sky

jesper fahey x gn!reader

summary: death did you apart...

‎

type: angst, fluff if you reaaally look for it

‎

warnings: death, blood, describing wounds

A/N: this is veeery short, but it almost made me cry. I LOVE jesper and im sorry that my first fic on him is his death 💀 but ill make amends. i recommend to listen to this song while reading, its really sad with that. anyway, ill post some other fics soon, so there a lot more to come :)

The pain rose as they put the remaining strenght to their legs. Their whole body shook, their hands covered in blood not only theirs. Panic for their friends battled panic for their life as they limbed up the hill. They were alone, the crows nowhere to find and only hope thought they were still alive. Screams of people in pain rang in their ear as the screams of the attackers pushed the Crow forward, tears in their eyes tricking their vision with the help from the dark night.

They couldn't stop. They knew the death was present, ready to take them, but they still didn't stop. Not until they found him. Their abdomen made them slow down as it cried red teardrops. The Dreg could swore the bullet is moving deeper. As if the hill curved under them, their legs gave up, making them fall on the knees, the force punching their stomach wound. They were surprised to see that many bruises on them once on the ground, not remembering any pain on the purple spots. They were also shocked when the black marks moved around and the ground danced. Their eyelids narrowed, offering a helping hand as they would take the pain away, if they just closed their eyes. Y/N wanted to allow them to do as they pleased, until they lifted their gaze up, seeing a body, motionless. They had to stare at it for long to see the leather coat.

‎

No.

‎

Eyes widened again as Y/N began to crawl to him, worrying they might be late. Their tears and blood created a path behind, as they saw Jesper closer. The moon sparked on his skin and stars shined on his revolvers, lying in his hands. Y/N couldn't hear their own sobs as they crawled closer to him and put a hand on his cheek, staining it with blood.

They immidiately noticed the wound below his shoulder. It matched their own. Y/N cried, feeling their heart breaking, chocking on the pieces. They were unable to utter a word, nor a sound, that being the reason why they were surprised when someone spoke close to them.

‎

"Can you move? I can't see the sky."

‎

A rough voice, sounding like it pained to speak a letter, said beneath them. Jesper was alive. And irritated. Y/N felt relieved, smile carved in their face as they lied next to him.

He's alive.

They were silent. The night sky watched over them, helping them accept the unavoidable faith they both knew was coming. Y/N could hear their breaths syncing, a beautiful harmony heard for the last time. Their wound pounded in pain, yet all they could feel was Jesper's hand tightening around theirs. They had so much more to tell him, so much more to laugh at, to cry at, but it's unimportant now. What's more important is them and the stars.

"They shine brighter than yesterday."

Jesper laughed. It was quiet and painful, but so beautiful anyway. "That is weird. We should ask Wylan on that.". Y/N agreed with that, fully knowing that won't happen. Wylan taught them some constalations and they tried to find some, even though their vision slowly gave up. They don't have much time.

"Do you wanna get some food after? I'm beginning to feel kinda hungry" Jesper requested, Y/N feeling his struggle to speak. "Yeah. Maybe we could try that new pub, Nina talked about." they suggested, earning a nod from their lover. "That sounds like a date." he chuckled flirtouriously. It helped pretending, but it didn't stop the bleeding.

‎

Y/N wanted to feel his lips again. They felt them for the first time a month ago, coincidentally under the moon as well. They were drunk, watching the ocean as it's waves crushed into the harbor. Some drops fell on them, making them all wet. They laughed so hard until he grabbed their cheek, kissing them without a word, pulling away after they were out of air. Y/N knew they wouldn't mind if he suffocated them this way. Death looked at her watch and Y/N could hear the ticking sound.

‎

Time's up.

‎

Tears made some of the stars blurry as they spoke: "I love you Jesper."

It was more and more hurtful to breath and they cried even more realizing it's almost over. They felt death's present, she watched them as they held each other, allowing them to make their last moments. A warm hand turned their head on the side, showing them Jesper's face. Y/N looked at every detail, wanting to memorize it to the afterlife. His thumb brushed their lips and he smiled. "I love you Y/N." It hurted to move, but their lips met at last. Y/N felt as the bullet stopped moving and the pain slowly left them. The stress and the dizziness dissapeared, only the taste of Jesper's lips remained.

‎

"I'll see you in the morning." he whispered. Y/N nodded, feeling tired. As the comfort of his warmth faded away, they closed their eyes.

‎

They hoped they'll see the others as well.

[identity-library]

Diverse Sexuality (Books)

A:

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe (Benjamin Alire Sáenz)

Aristotle Mendoza (Gay)

Dante Quintana (Gay)

Aru Shah (Roshani Chokshi)

Brynne Rao (Bisexual)

A Step Towards Falling (Connie McGovern)

Richard (Gay)

Harrison (Gay)

Hugh (Unspecified MLM)

B:

Blood Like Magic (Liselle Sambury)

Keisha (Demisexual, Lesbian)

Bruised (Tanya Boteju)

Daya Wijesinghe (Unspecified WLW)

Shanti (Unspecified WLW)

C:

Cemetary Boys (Aiden Thomas)

Yadriel (Gay)

Julian Diaz (Gay)

Chaotic Good (Whitney Gardner)

Brian "Farrin" (Unspecified MLM)

Cooper Birch (Gay)

Wyatt (Gay)

Connection Error (Annabeth Albert)

Josiah Simmons (Gay)

Ryan Orson (Gay)

Crown of Feathers - Series (Nicki Pau Preto)

Anders (Unspecified MLM)

Avalkyra Ashfire (Aromantic, Asexual)

Callysta Lightbringer (Lesbian)

Kade (Gay)

Latham (Unspecified MLM)

Nefyra Ashfire (Lesbian)

Sev Lastlight (Gay)

Sidra (Unspecified WLW)

Tristan Flamesong (Bisexual)

D:

Dear Mothman (Robin Gow)

Alice (Unspecified WLW)

Molly (Unspecified WLW)

E:

Exit, Pursued by a Bear (E.K. Johnston)

Amy (Lesbian)

Polly (Lesbian)

F:

G:

Gifted Clans (Graci Kim)

Bob (Unspecified MLM)

Chae (Unspecified WLW)

Gong (Unspecified WLW)

Jangsoo Jeong (Unspecified MLM)

Girl Mans Up (M.E. Girard)

Blake (Bisexual)

Penelope "Pen" Oliveira (Lesbian)

H:

Highway Bodies (Alison Evans)

Dee (Bisexual)

Eve (Unspecified WLW)

Jojo (Bisexual)

I:

Icebreaker (A.L. Graziadei)

Jaysen Caulfield (Gay)

Mickey James (Bisexual)

I Hope You're Listening (Tom Ryan)

Delia "Dee" Skinner (Unspecified WLW)

Sarah (Unspecified WLW)

J:

K:

Keep This to Yourself (Tom Ryan)

Mac Bell (Gay)

Quill (Unspecified MLM)

L:

Learning Curves (Ceillie Simkiss)

Cora McLaughlin (Panromantic, Asexual)

Elena Mendez (Lesbian)

M:

More Happy Than Not (Adam Silvera)

Aaron Soto (Gay)

N:

O:

P:

Pahua Moua - Series (Lori M. Lee)

Ka (Unspecified WLW)

Yeng (Unspecified WLW)

Paola Santiago - Series (Tahlor Kay Meija)

Carmela Mata (Bisexual)

Emma Lockwood (Lesbian)

Kit (Unspecified WLW)

Paola Santiago (Bisexual)

Percy Jackson - Universe (Rick Riordan)

Hemithea (Lesbian)

Josephine (Lesbian)

Lavinia Asimov (Lesbian)

Magnus Chase (Pansexual)

Nico di Angelo (Gay)

Paolo Montes (Unspecified MLM)

Piper McLean (Bisexual)

Poison Oak (Unspecified WLW)

Reyna Ramírez-Arellano (Asexual)

Shel (Unspecified WLW)

Will Solace (Bisexual)

Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky)

Patrick (Gay)

Pulp (Robin Talley)

Abbey Zimet (Lesbian)

Janet Jones (Lesbian)

Punk 57 (Penelope Douglas)

Manny Cortez (Unspecified MLM)

Ten (Unspecified MLM)

Q:

R:

S:

Sadie (Courtney Summers)

Sadie Hunter (Unlabeled WLW)

Sal & Gabi Break the Universe (Carlos Hernandez)

Reina Real (Bisexual)

Salvador "Sal" Vidón (Aromantic, Asexual)

Sikander Aziz - Series (Sarwat Chadda)

Daoud (Unspecified MLM)

Idiptu (Unspecified MLM)

Mohammed Aziz (Unspecified MLM)

Sidana (Unspecified MLM)

Six of Crows (Leigh Bardugo)

Jesper Fahey (Bisexual)

Nina Zenik (Bisexual)

Wylan Van Eck (Gay)

Synchro Boy (Shannon McFerran)

Bart Lively (Bisexual)

T:

The Agony of Bun O'Keefe (Heather Smith)

Chris (Gay)

The Art of Saving the World (Connie Duyvis)

Hazel Stanczak (Asexual, Lesbian)

The Buried and the Bound (Rochelle Hassan)

Leo Merritt (Bisexual)

Tristan Drake (Gay)

The Field Guide to the North American Teenager (Ben Philippe)

Eric (Gay)

The Immeasurable Depth of You (Maria Mora)

Brynn (Bisexual)

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali (Sabrina Khan)

Ariana (Unspecified WLW)

Rukhsana Ali (Lesbian)

Sohail (Gay)

The Luis Ortega Survival Club (Sonora Reyes)

Ariana Ruiz (Bisexual)

Shanaya "Shawni" (Bisexual)

The Manifold Worlds (Foz Meadows)

Gwen Vere (Aromantic, Unspecified WLW + Polyamorous)

The Montague Twins (Drew Shannon, Nathan Page)

Pete Montague (Gay)

The Mortal Instruments - Series (Cassandra Clare)

Alexander "Alec" Lightwood (Gay)

Magnus Bane (Bisexual)

The 100 (Kass Morgan)

Octavia Blake (Bisexual)

U:

V:

W:

Way to Go (Tom Ryan)

Danny (Gay)

We Contain Multitudes (Sarah Henstra)

Adam "Kurl" Kurlansky (Gay)

Jonathan Hopkirk (Gay)

What Unbreakable Looks Like (Kate McLaughlin)

Elsa (Lesbian)

Winger (Andrew Smith)

Joey Constantino (Gay)

Wings of Fire - Series (Tui T. Sutherland)

Anenome (Unspecified WLW)

Burnet (Unspecified WLW)

Silverspot (Unspecified WLW)

Umber (Gay)

X:

Y:

Z:

#:

36 Questions That Changed My Mind About You (Vicki Grant)

Max (Gay)

[vitchimage]

Can you do a Kaz Brekkerxsister!(16 yr old) reader. He lost her when he was young and he finds out she lives in the little palace. So he basically kidnaps her and he doesn't tell the crows why. They kidnap her and she is scared but kaz doesn't tell her who he is. She escapes and gets lost in the rain and passes out. Crows find her shaking with a fever. Crows take her inside and help her with her fever and Kaz tells her who he is and she hugs him. Change anything & tell if u wil write thank you!!

Heyya! And yes! I can, sorry for using such a long time! Please forgive me aha..<3 I hope you really like this piece.

–

To Conquer, To Seize Ketterdam

TW!: Violence, kidnapping, hurt/comfort, SoC book spoilers!

–

Note: As usual, might be grammar mistakes ehe 

–

Indeed, small things can cause big changes. A big twist.

Kaz was scouting this place, scouting for his target until his eyes landed on her, who waved and bid Alina farewell. He recognized her quickly, Her H/C and E/C everything, resembling the sister he had long lost. And when Alina also quickly bid farewell by saying her name, he was certain.

It was her, it was his sister he had been looking for, who he lost during that fateful day, and he couldn’t feel any happier to finally have her back in his life. Quickly announcing that there was a change of target, throwing everyone off guard with that, they laid out another plan.

Matthias and Inej would sneak attack, Nina and Kaz would stand on guard, while Jesper grabs them a carriage and a horse to get away with, and Wylan creates a distraction.

“Kaz, who even is she?” Nina whispered harshly.

“None of your business,” Kaz spits out, eyes cautiously waiting for the right moment.

When Y/N got into her room, closing the door shut, Kaz quickly signaled the others to take action.

Caught off guard, they managed to hold Y/N down, mostly Matthias as he was much stronger than the others.

But that didn’t stop her from retaliating back, stepping on Matthias' foot with her heels, making him release her. She quickly pushed him away, but any more attacks against him were stopped by Inej who was holding her back. Jabbing Inej with the album, she was about to run off to call the guards, before Kaz and Nina interrupted and stepped in.

“Nina!”

“I know damn it!” She quickly moved her fingers, lowering Y/N’s pulse. She quickly falls unconscious, Nina catching her.

“You better explain, Brekker, once we get back,” Inej said sternly, rubbing where she got jabbed.

“We should focus on getting out of here,” Nina says, hearing the guards approaching.

Everyone nodded and quickly got onto their escape plan.

–

Blinking her eyes open, Y/N took her surroundings. She was in a carriage and realizing she was with the people earlier who kidnapped her – did not help her ease the panicked state she was in earlier as well. This time was just worse.

“You’re awake,” Kaz speaks up.

“What do you want?” Y/N tried to be brave, but the way she held her arms tightly said otherwise. Kaz knew that body language, it was the same when she used to hide behind him and Jordie.

“We don’t want anything,” He stated.

“That’s bullshit,” looking away from his brown eyes, Kaz didn’t answer.

‘Should I just break the window? It could be risky though,’ She thought to herself, trying to form an escape plan in her head. ‘I wish my brothers were here..what would they do…?’ She thought bitterly to herself, yet it gave her comfort thinking about her brothers.

Minutes passed, and the others began to have a little chat to which Y/N could care less about, but noticing that their attention might be elsewhere, she took her chance in opening the carriage door when Kaz looked at Inej, telling herself to stay calm, she jumped out of the carriage, feeling leather brush against her arm, her heartbeat quickens, but she managed to land on the ground on the right time before it could fully reach her. However, she lands on a hill, making her automatically roll down. She could hear the carriage being thrown into chaos in the distance.

“Woah! Woah! Is she insane?!” A male voice yells, “Where did she go?”

“What the hell?!”

Landing on her feet again, she quickly ran off into the distance, not caring about the fact she was covered in scars and bruises from the impact of the fall and the nice stroll down the hill, her feet aching, and she was getting more and more drenched by the rain per second, the wind harshly blowing against her.

Her adrenaline was kicking in, she could almost hear her own heartbeat. ‘I need to hide..!’ her mind was a mess, scattered, afraid that they were going to catch up, and it didn’t help her ease her mind one bit when hearing someone yell, “She’s over here!”

‘I want to go home…I want my brothers…’ There were many things she wanted, many things she wished for.

‘Run!’ Three letter words her brothers had once screamed to her as they were being ambushed. Kaz and Jordie were trying to hold them back as best they could as she ran, ran as fast she could, just like now.

Trying to shake off the past as it wouldn’t help her, she tried to find a hiding spot, figuring her legs would soon give out, unfortunately, they did as she stumbled on a root. But she couldn’t hear their voices anymore, it was just the sounds of leaves and rain. She didn’t even notice how cold it was while running, until now. She tried to pry her body up, but she couldn't as her own body felt too heavy for that, her breathing shortened and she leaned back against the tree, trying her best to hide behind it. But feeling reassured that they weren’t near as she couldn’t hear or see them, she gave in to the darkness filling her sight, just for a moment.

–

Y/N opened her eyes. She noticed how warm her body was, her breathing is heavy, but something cold on her forehead. Turning her sight to the side, her eyes were met with her capture.

Room, she was in a room. Torture room? Basement? but the environment felt too comfortable for it to be one of those.

“Where..” She was too tired, she felt exhausted.

“In The Slat, my bedroom,” the guy answers, his brown eyes piercing through her, “You..passed out..and have a fever..”

Trembling? His voice was trembling like he was reminded of a past.

“Why..why would you do such a reckless thing?! You got yourself injured, you got yourself in danger! What if we didn’t find you?” He raises his voice, making her flinch.

“Isn’t it normal for someone to try and escape when kidnapped?” She scoffed,

‘Did he really think that someone would just sit still, and accept it like it was a normal day thing?’

“Especially by a stranger?” She adds.

Kaz looks up, “Stranger? You don’t recognize me?”

‘Recognize him? Am I supposed to?’ She questioned herself trying to dig up her memories, 

‘Now that I think about it he does look like Kaz..but his haircut is terrible, no way it’s him.’

“Am I supposed to?”

“I’m your brother!” He cries out, “You really don’t remember me..?”

“...” Y/N blinked, completely frozen to even utter a word,

No way that was him, no way. She was told they were dead, all of them,

“No..they all died, they all died…I don’t know who you are but…!--”

“I survived! Not Jordie…but me..!” She could tell he was pushing every sorrow down his throat, drowning all the guilt he felt for being the only one who survived that day, let alone using Jordie as a..

“What was our plan…?” She whispered quietly.

“To conquer, to seize Ketterdam,”

Silence filled the air until a sob was heard. The warmth of his sister engulfed him. Kaz flinched, trembled, and held his breath at her touch, at her arms hugging him tightly with the energy she had.

Noticing it, her touch went to feather-light one,

“I thought you died…I thought…, they said you were dead..that..” She couldn’t bring herself to say anything anymore.

But Kaz knew, knew what she was going to say, she didn’t need to say anymore.

“But, I’m here…I’m here…” He finally got the courage to hug her back, although the touch was very light, and he had to take a deep breath each second, he also felt a bit at ease. To know she was here, breathing, her heart beating, alive.

“And, I’m here too..” She mumbled, words so reassuring he felt so at ease. Although they wished Jordie was here to say the same, to engulf them in his warmth as well, both's warmth was enough for now.

Silence prevailed between those two as he let go, and she laid back down.

“You really didn’t recognize me?”

“I think it’s the bad haircut,” She laughs lightly.

“It’s not that bad,” He scoffs,

“Whatever you say,” She bantered back.

The silence between them settled again, and she soon felt too exhausted to hold her eyes open.

“Rest,” Kaz refreshed the cloth, putting it on her forehead, “Everything is going to be alright,”

She closed her eyes, Y/N could hear him repeating the same apology for being so brutal earlier over, and over again, until a smile was plastered on her face, and muttered before she completely drifted off,

“I missed you,”

Words of forgiving, words of honesty. And maybe she couldn’t forgive him for what happened earlier, but it was at least the truth from the bottom of her heart, as there wasn’t a single night in the past where she wished to be beside her brothers, happily laughing and finally be at peace.

Jordie may not be with them anymore to experience it, but they were going to carry his peace together.

–

m.list

[swanimagines]

[x] IMAGINE HAVING A FIGHT WITH KAZ AND YOU GIVE HIM SILENT TREATMENT AS A RESULT.

requested by anon

"Storm coming..." Jesper whistled lowly as Kaz neared your table, and you turned away on that second, pretending to read your book. Kaz sighed upon seeing you were still keeping up with your silent treatment, but sat down at the table anyway.

"We'll go over the plan once more to make it clear everyone knows their place." he stated, and everyone let out agreeing voices except for you. "Inej?"

"Scouting the roofs. Informing Nina of any guards."

"Jesper?"

"Flirting with Wylan." he grinned, but Kaz gave him a stern look and his grin died down immediately. "Disguised as a guard and ready for distraction at phase 4."

Kaz sighed. "Wylan?"

"I have the bombs ready for the distraction. Setting them in place as soon as Y/N lets me in."

Upon hearing your name, he turned his gaze to your back. Everyone went quiet suddenly, laying their gazes on the table or their feet, and Kaz rolled his eyes. "Y/N?"

You only let out a huff as a response, not answering anything proper. Typical Y/N, Kaz thought. Fortunately for you, he knew that you knew what your place was and didn't actually need confirmation. He just kind of hoped that your anger would subside already, it had been a few days since your fight and he missed working and having you curled up on his couch among pillows and blankets with your newest book in hand, and Kaz laying glances at you every once in a while - feeling so incredibly lucky that he had you. But as you weren't willing to talk to him even with this, he turned to the next one.

"Helvar?"

"Near the exits. If anything goes wrong, I'll provide help with fighting."

"Nina?"

"Pretending to be a lady in need and keeping guards away as you break to the vault, and also putting them in sleep if they start to suspect anything."

Kaz nodded, satisfied that everyone knows the plan. He looked over at you once more, clenching his jaw and standing up. "We'll leave to prepare at sunrise. Make sure to be up, it's going to be a long day tomorrow."

He left, making his way up to his office again and as soon as you heard Kaz's door close, your whole appearance shifted, you turned back to the table and took a handful of snacks with a smile. Your friends looked at you, and you frowned.

"What?"

"Hasn't this gone on for long enough?" Inej sighed, and your smile immediately turned into a scowl.

"I want an apology. Then it has gone on long enough."

"You have stuff to apologize too, to be fair. This behavior is hurting you both." Inej continued, and you looked at your other friends for support, but they all seemed to agree with Inej.

"I miss your crooked flirts." Jesper muttered, his hand intertwined with Wylan's. You looked at their hands for a moment, a memory flashing by your mind when Kaz borrowed you his leather gloves when you had lost your own gloves and it was like holding his hand. Little things like that made you question if you should give in... but no, you had decided to keep your mind.

"I want him to apologize first." you told Inej, and your friends groaned with one voice.

You knew it was childish, just scowling and huffing at Kaz if he tried to ask something from you or wanted your attention somehow, but you also were determined to get your apology.

But unfortunately for you, and the rest of the Crows, he was just as stubborn - Kaz Brekker did not apologize if there wasn't a very heavy reason which he himself believed in.

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

The Phoenix and the Crow

part thirty-one

pairing: kaz brekker x fem!reader

genre: neutral with a angsty underlining

el's thoughts: i'm back to writing again! hope yall like itttt

masterlist

“Thank the Saints, Djel, and your Aunt Eva,” Jesper said gratefully and slid down the rope, followed by the others.

The roof of the embassy was curved, probably to keep the snow off, but it was a bit like walking on the humped back of an enormous whale. It was also decidedly more… porous than the prison roof. It was pocked with multiple points of entry—vents, chimneys, and small glass domes designed to let light in. Nina and Inej were tucked up against the base of the biggest dome, a filigree skylight from the dwindling rain, but should any of the guards on the ring wall turn their attention away from the approach road and onto the rooftops of the Court, the crew would be hidden from view.

Nina had Inej’s feet in her lap.

“I can’t get all the rubber off her heels,” she said, as she saw them approaching.

“Help her,” said Kaz.

“Right,” Jesper said as he crawled over to get a better look at Inej’s blistered feet. “Saints,” he muttered.

Inej grimaced. “That bad?”

“No, you just have really ugly feet.”

“Ugly feet that got you on this roof.”

“But are we stuck?” Y/N asked. The Elderclock ceased its ringing, and in the silence that followed, she shut her eyes in relief. “Finally.”

“What happened at the prison?” Wylan said, that panicked crackle back in his voice. Jesper gave him a quick reassuring glance. “What triggered the alarm?”

“I ran into two guards,” said Nina.

Jesper looked up from his work again. “You didn’t put them down?”

“I did. But one of them got off a few shots. Another guard came running. That was when the bells started.”

“Damn. So that’s what set off the alarm?”

“Maybe,” said Nina. “Where were you, Kaz? I wouldn’t have been in the stairwell if I hadn’t wasted time looking for you. Why didn’t you meet me on the landing?”

Kaz was peering down through the glass of the dome. “I decided to search the cells on the fifth floor, too.”

They all stared at him. Y/N felt frustration bubbling up in her chest.

“What the hell is this?” Jesper said. “You take off before Matthias and I got back, then decide to expand your search and leave Nina thinking you’re in trouble?”

“There was something I needed to take care of.”

“Not good enough.”

“I had a hunch,” Kaz said. “I followed it.”

Y/N’s expression was pure disbelief. “A hunch?”

“I made a mistake,” growled Kaz. “All right?”

“No,” she fired back. “You owe us an explanation.”

After a moment, Kaz said, “I went looking for Pekka Rollins.” A look passed between Kaz and Y/N. Everyone else shared a look as Kaz cleared his throat. “I screwed up. I made a bad call, and I deserve the blame for it. But that doesn’t change our situation.”

“What is our situation?” Nina asked Matthias. “What will they do now?”

“The alarm was Yellow Protocol, a sector disturbance.”

Jesper pushed at his temples. “I don’t even remember what that means.”

“My guess is that they think someone’s attempting a prison break. That sector is already sealed off from the rest of the Ice Court, so they’ll authorize a search, probably try to figure out who’s mission from the cells.”

“They’ll find the people we knocked out in the women’s and men’s holding areas,” said Wylan. “we need to get out of here. Forget Bo Yul-Batur.”

Y/N waved a dismissive hand through the air. “It’s too late. If the guards think there is a prison break in progress, the checkpoints will be on high alert. Right?” she looked to Matthias in a quick question. “They’re not going to let anyone just walk through.”

“We could still try,” said Jesper. “We get Inej’s feet patched up-”

She flexed them, then stood, testing her bare soles on the gravel. “They feel all right. My calluses are gone, though.”

“I’ll give you an address where you can mail your complaints,” Nina said with a wink.

“Okay, the Wraith is ambulatory,” Jesper said, rubbing a sleeve over his damp face. The rain had faded away to a light mist. “We find a cozy room to bash some partygoers on the head and waltz out of this place decked in their finest.”

“Past the embassy gate and two checkpoints?” Matthias said skeptically.

“They don’t know anyone escaped the prison sector. They saw Nina and Kaz so they know people are out of their cells, but the guards at the checkpoints are going to be looking for hoodlums in prison clothes…” Jesper’s voice faded to a buzz in Y/N’s ears.

She came on an assignment. A world-changing substance was out here somewhere and if it were to get into the wrong hands, it could reach and poison all Grisha. She had a duty to her people and fellow brothers and sisters. If she were to get caught then she would be caught trying to finish the mission. If she were to die then she would die on her feet as a Ravkan soldier.

“Forget it,” she said. “I came here to find Bo Yul-Bayur, and I’m not leaving without him.”“What’s the point?” said Wylan as he watched the Inferni with concern. “Even if you manage to get to the White Island and find Yul-Bayur, we’ll have no way out. Jesper’s right: We should go now while we still have a chance.”

“You are more than welcome to leave if you see it best. I came here with an assignment and I intend to see it through, even if it means I have to cross to the White Island alone. I will.”

“That may not be an option,” said Matthias causing her to turn her sharp gaze in his direction. “Look.”

They gathered around the base of the glass dome. The rotunda below was a mass of people, drinking, laughing, greeting each other, a kind of raucous party before the celebrations on the White Island.

As they watched, a group of new guards pushed into the room, trying to form the crowd into lines.

“They’re adding another checkpoint,” Matthias said. “They’re going to review everyone’s identification again before they allow people access to the glass bridge.”

“Because of Yellow Protocol?” asked Jesper.

“Probably. A precaution.”

It was like seeing the last bit of their luck drain from a glass.

“Then that decides it,” said Jesper. “We cut our losses and try to get out now.”

“I know a way,” Inej said quietly. They all turned to look at her. The yellow light from the dome pooled in her dark eyes. “We can get through that checkpoint and onto the White Island.” She pointed below to where two groups of people had entered the rotunda from the gatehouse courtyard and were shaking the mist from their clothes. The girls from the House of the Blue Iris were easily identified by the color of their gowns and the flowers displayed in their hair and at their necklines. There was another pleasure house that took Y/N a moment to recognize. It was a house located in Shu Han that Y/N had business with years back.

“I have a friend whom I met briefly while traveling with Sturmhond. She could help us get inside.”

“Inej-” Kaz started.

The Suli quickly interrupted him. “I can get two of us in for sure.”

The guys shared a silent look of hesitation while the girls wordlessly discussed who would go.

Nina spoke up, “I’ll go with Inej.”

Matthias had opened his mouth to argue but Y/N cut him off. “That’d be the smartest choice, a Heartrender would be a better fit than an Inferni. It’s likely you both would need a bit of tailoring as well…” She trailed off as she continued to observe the swarm of people below.

Inej nodded, “Then it’s settled. We go in with the pleasure houses.”

~*~

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